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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 9 months ago

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the loneliness and sadness that creeps into you in a way that only growing up queer can cause. your parents can accept you and still make you feel like an outsider. your parents can love you and still reject parts of you. that old-fashioned kind of love where they think trying to mold you, make you tough, is better for you. or that quiet status quo where you just don't talk. and where everyone is accepted, though some are more than others. generations and generations it's just been easier to let it slide. to let it be. not cause a fuss. but then we sit there with a knot in our chests all our lives wondering how it got there

#this is about #all of us strangers #ofc your experience of a piece of media is molded by your own perspective #and i have been thinking a lot about growing up queer and how it still fucking sucked #for me. ten. twenty years ago. fuck it even five years ago #it still sometimes sucks #because i was raised without any queer representation around me #i was trained to be straight and to desire straightness #and anything remotely queer was mocked and bullied and judged #i saw it done by others and done to others so much that it's hardly surprising i did everything i could to Not be that #and the fact that i had to grow up that way #and that i still wouldn't feel at ease bringing a partner to a family event #makes my heart ache so much #i am often on my own and going home doesn't bring me comfort #it's like harry describes #it's just how it went #my parents didn't mean to make it like that #my mom even thinks it's sad #but she doesn't understand how it came to be #and i don't know if i can turn it around #adam's imaginings of how his parents envelop him with love and acceptance in the end #was a dream #but a painful one #a dream where your parents suddenly say all the right things #and for him they only did so bc they're dead and he could imagine whatever he wanted #/and still/ he imagined his mom rejecting his sexuality at first #literally so disgusted she can't drink her tea #oooooofofffffff.......#i need to think some more #my posts

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