#stupid sexy magic

[shopwitchvamp]

*puts my shirt on him*

[alvareus-the-sorcerer-of-seals]

Y’all I’m cleaning out my junk because my dungeon got really fucking messy, I’m gonna be selling my old stuff at cheap prices, so if you have an apprentice that needs some equipment you can find some here

(Most of the stuff is untouched, I kinda bought it and forgor lmao)

I got:

Brooms(flying)~30 gold

Brooms(auto cleans your house for you)~30 silver, I don’t use them anyway

A shit ton of sceptres~15-20 gold each

Old wands~5 gold each

magical (gold)jewellery~50 gold each

Magical (silver)jewellery ~20 gold each

Wizard robes(didn’t wear them, I wanted to make copies of myself but scratched the idea)

Spell books beginnerlvl ~70 copper

Spell books intermediarylvl ~25 silver

Spell books advancedlvl ~50 gold

Magic rings(enhance magic power/stats/etc) ~20-40 gold

Magic swords(I killed a knight legion, they had OP shit but had no idea how to use it) ~60 gold

Enhanced magic knight armour~80 gold per set, I don’t sell pieces individually

Scrying glasses/black orbs ~90 copper each, I don’t scry often

Time seal scrolls(you throw it at stuff and it makes a barrier around it, stopping the time inside, good for food preservation) SINGLE USE~10 copper each

Time seal scrolls(same thing) 20 USES~ 20 silver each

Time seal scrolls(again same thing) INDEFINITE USE BUT CAN ONLY BE USED AT ONE OBJECT/LIVING THING IDK AT A TIME ~10 gold

A pran of cingles(really crispy chips, definitely not a can of Pringles)~1000 gold

NO REFUNDS

Hope y’all buy these, I have no idea where to put them

[mauricetheblurst]

"love potions" ? "entrancement spells" ? "succubi girlfriends" ? shut up, creep, and gaze upon the true Art of seduction

had lots of fun drawing this one, even though in the end his wand doesn't look as much like a bum as I wanted

[onlydrawnbad]

Do you ever read 570,000+ word, 130+ chapter fanfics that were started nearly 8 years ago and have current year updates, and as you get to the end of certain chapters along the way, you keep going "wow, I would have hated to be here in 201x and have to wait for THAT cliffhanger, those poor readers, those sad, desperate historical souls" and you're just so glad for yourself because you know you don't have to stop until chapter 139, and you arrogantly assume that's probably just extended epilogues or something (because you were previously conditioned by another fic to believe that), so everything will be fine?

Only to get to chapter 139 and SCREAM OUT LOUD because you jinxed yourself right into THE NEWEST WAVE OF CLIMATIC PLOT CHAPTERS WHERE ALL THE SHIT IS GOING DOWN and now you, too, have become the reader you felt such pity for?

Wait, you don't?

THEN GO OVER THERE AND DO WHAT I DID SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE IN MY HUBRIS. It comes with art. So. Much. Wonderful. Comic. Art.

I would like to stress (as I have done before) that I have never played this game. Not once. I had never even heard of it originally. Yet this is now the second absolutely massive Sans x reader/OC fic I have read in this fandom. Everything I know about Undertale, I learned because one day on a whim I decided to read a 480,000+ word, 170+ chapter fanfic because I liked the way @tricktster used words on some tumblr post (don't ask me which one, I've forgotten). I have re-read that fic at least once a year, if not more, for multiple years in a row because it's like a favorite book to me now.

If anyone needs me, I'll be comfort-reading it, again.

And then probably going back and re-reading JoAT, because oh my god that fic. I'm just so in love with it for a million reasons.

(Yes, it took me this long to see there was another glorious treasure in plain sight under @capnhanbers despite following @mod2amaryllis and it's just really embarrassing to be confronted by that kind of obliviousness, okay? Can I blame it on how, multiple times now over the years, I've gone months and months without looking at this app unless it notified me of something specific?)

I swear, I have never read fic in any other fandom where it was this easy to immerse myself in it with nothing more than some light googling along the way (the first time with CoBC), and the googling was just because I'm me and I like to know all the things. In both cases, you don't have to come to the table with anything other than an interest in supernatural-elements stories (monsters, magic, etc) and a love for snappy dialogue and funny (dad) jokes and HEART-WRENCHING FEELS and watching the author having a life journey in the notes.

(And yes, sure, an open mind about a skeleton monster and a human having magical sex, but if you know you're in a rated fic about monsters and humans, you must know that's going to be a thing.)

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Stupid TMA AU where Elias Bouchard is the bodyhopper and everyone is confusedly trying to understand how the workaholic master manipulator evil and definitivaly full Eye avatar upstart Jonah Magnus just became the weird unconfortable weed uncle that the Eye just sort tolerates.

[mrstsung]

Shang tsung

Is

Sexy and delicious

That's all

That's the post

[hallafall]

Pose 4D

[dayurno]

do you write vampires!kandreil? have you written vampires!kandreil? will you write vampires!kandreil? when will you write vampires!kandreil? pleaseee 🙏🏻🧎🏻‍♀️

(all jokes asides hope you’re having a great day!!! Can’t wait to read your next fic whatever it is!! 😁)

I DO I HAVE I WILL forever and ever and ever . !!!!

ive admittedly never written the entire unholy trinity as vampires but i am not infallible to baby vampire kevin day getting his sensitive fangs stuck on a plastic cup.... nor is it missed on me the inherent psychosexual undertones between a vampire and the vampire who turned them (kandrew).... and of course i love thinking about neil being feral in the literal sense of it and moved by instincts of violence and blood... Of course

maybe vampire kandrew and human neil would be very fun. (with the intention of making kevin day cry because of his bloodthirst until neil takes him in his lap and offers kevin some relief) (with the intention of making andrew the one who turned kevin and it was an accident) (with every intention to make it sexual and weird)

but honestly all of this pales in comparison to the humble human x two vampires concept sorry. sorry! the humble drinking blood from your wrists your thighs your neck the humble i cant control myself around you the humble you are prey the humble oh you know. anyway! what do i have to say that you people will not already know.

kevin: this buffet is so ridiculous how can a human eat this

vampire neil who only heard the words 'human buffet' in kevins voice and got so horny he blacked out: yeahg

[cloneslugs]

[shopwitchvamp]

So I got some hot pants recently and after seeing my butt in them I was like, "I absolutely GOTTA take a boobs & butt pose pic wearing these and my Stupid, Sexy, Magic shirt !!" Well, viewer, sadly this is as close as my stiff spine & lack of boobs could get to achieving such a dream-

And yes, yes I did hurt my back a little in the process 😌 Like a wannabe thirst trap Icarus I sure twisted a little too close to the sun. Very appropriate though, for the shirt.. 🖤witchvamp.com🖤

[oldtestleper]

we don’t hold love particularly for khal drogo or jason momoa in this household but when his bloodvow cowboy man put his scimitar against his pec and he did a little snarly purring thing and pushed into it that was really really reallysexy

[flowerflamestars]

Migration Patterns snippet

“Dick’s not the only one who got a shit ton of training,” he told her, tilting his head. Trying to judge the evenness of her pupils. “You’re cold.”   “City dropped me in my fucking pajamas,” Elle said, tone repressive as the arms she crossed tight over her chest. Like a mirror- the feel of it more a joke, something warm, warm, warm lighting wildly through Jason, she matched the angle of his face before saying in a whole different voice, “Didn’t miss you choking men with your thighs.”   There was blood on the jacket. A least one tear, a missed knife dragged through heavy, expensive fabric- it was sure as shit warmer than the tank top and yoga pants she was wearing.   Jason had it halfway off before he answered, belated. “You were going to kill all of them.”   “Shockingly,” Elle drawled, a whole wave of heat choking him as she held out her hand, taking the suit jacket like a forgone conclusion. “My morals take a raincheck when assholes shoot at my head.”   She wasn’t that small, not really. Short without those shit stomping shoes he was used to seeing her in- delicate to the point of absurdity drowning in his clothes, huddled, huge eyes catching neon.   “Self defense,” Jason heard himself offer, just to see her blink.   Scowl.   A Gotham girl, barefoot in an alley and still ready to go.   “I wasn’t worried,” Elle said, skirting around his body and making a sharp left toward the street.   “I’m parked the other way.”   Elle stopped. Closed her eyes right in the moment he might have really been able to see them, paused beneath the golden light of the stupid faux old-fashion streetlights the city had thrown up all over this district. Not even fucking solar, ugly as sin and twice as expensive as what had been there in the first place.   “I’m good,” she said, before looking back, somewhere toward Jason’s left shoulder, “Thanks for the jacket.”   The absolute fuck she was.   “Elle.”   A tired, inexplicable smile was all the real answer he got. “Night, Jay.”

[leatherbookmark]

whatever you imagine happened during and after this scene is 1000% better than what happened in the actual show

[thathoudinisimp]

I found this from a rare poster

Hehehe hello

stupid sexy Harry

❤️✨

[punderdome]

Why no romance with the sexiest character?

This scene is truly magical...

[teaboot]

Favourite things to say before doing something incredibly stupid:

Hey everybody watch this

I'm God's favourite

I'm always right and I'm never gonna die

(Person nearby) gets my crap if I beef it

I'm way too sexy to fuck this up

It's okay I've done this a hundred times

This is gonna to be on purpose

Hello you're watching Jackass

Check out this cool magic trick

If I die I want you to tell people it looked really cool

Wanna see a trick I learned in prison

It's okay, I saw this on TikTok

This is only illegal in Massetchuschessetts

My dad used to do this all the time before the divorce

If you're a cop you have to tell me or it's entrapment*

I'm doing this as a prank

Could a mentally ill person do THIS

Out of two thousand possible futures this is the only way we live

I have to. (Stupid thing I'm doing) killed my mom

The government doesn't want you to know this is even an option

I'm about to become so powerful you have no idea