punderdome
Straight Chaos
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punderdome · 1 day ago
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I love Lanceboard playing Raphael, so incredibly sexy
He does so many lovely things with his arms in this scene.
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I've not been working on the rolled up sleeves mod much, I'll be honest, I've been doing extremely poorly lately, my mental health is a shambles, and I've mostly just lain in bed. I have no idea when it will be finished.
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punderdome · 1 day ago
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Tav is absolutely stuck there forever, but they’re not even mad about it
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Whistling a happy tune while mopping the floors of HoH. Don't mind me. (This was @ultrakatua's idea)
@nikjima's VP here
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punderdome · 1 day ago
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We love this devil and will never cross him
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I would prefer to keep my skin on, thank you very much...
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punderdome · 9 days ago
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You licked the spider, didn’t you?
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Gimme your best stink face lads
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punderdome · 9 days ago
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It’s always time for Gale vs Raphael lanceboard
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“我坦白,我们从相遇那一刻起,我就很喜欢你。”
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punderdome · 16 days ago
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Yep, those are some great forearms. Don’t mind me while I salivate
I'm almost done with two mods, just need to take some screenshots and post them. But my mind seized upon an idea that just would not leave me alone until it was made real.
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I had to get the devil's slutty, slutty forearms out.
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I just pray I don't get banned from Tumblr for posting such obscenity.
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punderdome · 21 days ago
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Why yes, all of these
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I've made a bunch of Raphael/Haarlep memes/reaction images in my time, here's most of them, in case anyone else would enjoy my silliness.
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punderdome · 23 days ago
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Infernal Jurisprudence: Bonus Chapter!
I was hoping to get this done before Christmas, but here is a New Years/Christmas bonus chapter from Infernal Jurisprudence. It's a little out of order but the content is standalone. It'll take place sometime in Act II between Last Light Inn and Gale's Last Night Alive scenes.
Raphael's about to get a little unhinged and possessive over his Little Mouse. Enjoy!
Summary: Raphael meets a new client.
Infernal Jurisprudence: the Sardine Fork
Raphael sat down in his host’s parlor with grace.  He was dressed in a crisp silk doublet with no hairs out of place.  Raphael wore his human guise, as tended to be prudent when working with skittish mortals on Prime Material.  He found himself making a deal in Waterdeep with a Conjuration professor at Blackstaff Academy.  
The home was immaculate.  Every surface was spotless and shining.  The wooden parlor table had been freshly polished with a functional oil cut with a touch of cedarwood oil.  A porcelain vase of fresh wildflowers adorned the windowsill and instilled the room with a light and pleasant aroma to cut the musky bouquet of too much soap.
Raphael was seated in the parlor and had been asked what beverage he preferred no fewer than three times by three different servants in an ostentatious and arrogant display of wealth in the number of staff sent to serve him and disrespect that their master had not returned.
Raphael’s tea had grown tepid for the third time long before the master of the house had come to greet him, despite their agreed upon meeting time.
“Master Raphael,” Professor Zagevekt welcomed him.  He tapped his shiny leather shoes on the parlor floor as his servants set out a spread of seafood hors d'oeuvres on the table in front of them.  The Professor never seemed to inspire speed in his staff, leading a dramatic display of displeasure before Raphael.
“It is impossible to hire competent staff,” Professor Zagevekt lamented.  Raphael looked the mage over.  He was ruggedly handsome, despite his spectacles and unshaven face.  He had deep hazel eyes that his smile never seemed to reach.  Raphael had seen many mortals just like him over the centuries.  He was the type to portray one image and conceal his true intentions deep within.
“Your staff seemed able to provide me with hot tea on several occasions in succession,” Raphael contested weakly, letting his potential client respond.
“I told them to offer you the finest liquors I have in my home.  I’m embarrassed that they saw fit not to provide you with suitable libations for our discussion and left you drinking that.”  He motioned to the cooling china cup in front of the devil.  “I should have a well-aged bottle of Wyvern whiskey should you care for something finer.”
“I appreciate the hospitality, but I would quite prefer a fresh cup of Earth Dragon’s Eye,” Raphael informed him, still fuming beneath the surface that his most beloved client was late to their meeting.  Though of all the meetings he could schedule, this one was worth being very patient for.
“Earth Dragon’s Eye?  I think you must be my first guest who has ever had a taste for teas from Kara-Tur.  Most prefer tisanes of local herbs.”  Raphael thought back fondly to the image in the scrying mirror of Tavara warming herself at Last Light Inn with a strong, steaming cup of tea from Kara-Tur, brewed at double strength in an attempt to ward off Shar’s embrace from the Shadow Curse.
“I prefer liquors served in a very different fashion,” Raphael ran his finger over the rim of the porcelain cup.  Tavara’s quivering belly button would be ideal.  “Your tea selection is extensive and delightful.”
The foolish professor snapped and a servant ran to freshen Raphael’s teacup.  
“I wish to make a deal with you, Master Raphael,” the professor wasted no time on further pleasantries.  “I want to make a deal for more power and wealth.”  Raphael waited patiently for the fool to elaborate and didn’t want to play his emotional hand so quickly.  “I am a respected Conjuration professor at the best university in Toril, but I wish to become a wealthy and respected Archmage, the first of the Zagevekt family’s famous bloodline of Archmages, soon to be known through all of Faerun.”
“And what, exactly, were you looking for?”  A servant placed a fresh cup of Earth Dragon’s Eye in front of Raphael and took away his empty teacup and its dirtied saucer.  “More time in a laboratory could earn you a better position at the university and more time wooing patriar daughters would earn you your wealth.”
“I do wish to secure wealth from a local patriar’s daughter.  She is attractive enough.”  Professor Zagevekt started to serve himself from the hors d'oeuvres that were spread in front of them.  He spooned some oysters on the half shell and drizzled them with an aromatic oil before pouring the sea creatures down his gullet.
“And your dynasty?” Raphael inquired, his fingers tapping against the painting on the teacup.
The fool dabbed a napkin over his lips to remove any excess oil.  “I will be an Archmage with or without your help, but I want my children to inherit incredible arcane talents.  I want to be remembered as the patriarch of a grand dynasty of wizards.”
“And how would you wish me to secure that for you?” Raphael cocked an eyebrow and took a sip of the murky, bitter tea that he had requested.
“Sorcerers have uncommon affinities in accessing the Weave, and every child they have carries on that bloodline.  I won’t have trouble securing my own wealth as a third son if I can show I am of superior breeding.”
“Every child?” Raphael needled the wizard.  “You are too knowledgeable to forget that sorcerer bloodlines can often skip generations.  The lineage depends entirely on your seed.”  Raphael tried to hide his growing disdain for the professor in front of him.  
The fool was slurping down oysters and forking prawns from the platter.  His table manners left much to be desired and were unlikely to win him any favors with the patriars or their daughters that he wished to court.
“I wish to become a sorcerer to secure my dynasty.  There has to be some lineage you can give me retroactively.  I was always destined to be powerful, but with your help I will be legendary.”  The foolish professor was too sure of himself.
“A sorcerer’s bloodline?” Raphael confirmed.  “Can you be sure that that would give you what you want?  With your incredible experience in the academic field,” Raphael primed for a response.  “You must have experienced sorcerers in the academic body, why would you not simply marry one?”  The one he cast aside and mocked.
“Sorceresses tend not to be very useful for much outside of the bedchamber,” Professor Zagevekt said before uncrossing and recrossing his legs.  The mortal fool was trying to play at appearing indifferent.  Raphael knew he was lying.
“Marriage would still provide the easiest pathway to what your heart desires.  You must have seen at least one sorcereress through your time at the academy,” Raphael argued as he probed for an admission, taking a large bite of a toast with a dollop of chopped white fish.
“Yes, I have,” the fool admitted.  He glared as though his firebolt was about to burn a hole in Raphael’s fine doublet, “she was one of those talentless dragon sorceresses.  She was fairly dim, and I’m surprised she managed to complete any of her coursework at all.  She was always begging for favorable treatment with the faculty.”  Raphael had read numerous writing and spell samples from Tavara’s thesis himself and found them well reasoned though they lacked the sophisticated Weave jargon that other wizards tended to employ.
“And did this sorceress receive such favors?” Raphael inquired.
“If I can recall, I think she was expelled for spreading her legs for the alchemy and evocation instructors.”  Raphael’s jaw clenched.  It wouldn’t be long.  Raphael wouldn’t let his defamation of Tavara’s name go unpunished.
“Then how are you so confident that your awakened powers won’t cause the same sort of issues with the university?”  Raphael waited for the professor to explain how he would be immune to the gossip of the university and not seen as seeking additional favor from his innate abilities himself.
The professor grinned.  Raphael watched as the fool used the sharp sardine fork to shovel oily sardines onto his plate next to a piece of dark bread.  “I’m not going to start those rumors against myself.”  Raphael used every ounce of control within his being not to use his superior Hellfire magic to burn the idiot into a pile of ashes, the finery and order of his parlor be damned.  Raphael then imagined depositing said remnants of the professor into his chamber pot and letting Yurgir soil the mage’s good name.
“Here are the terms: I shall grant you a retroactive sorcerer’s lineage, though it may be at times chaotic, for your bloodline.”  Raphael leaned back in his chair and waited for Professor Zagevekt to respond.
“Wild magic?  Well, I suppose that makes the most sense for a late awakening.”  The wizard licked crumbs and fish from his fingers.
“It is a simple exchange: I will grant you the bloodline you desire in exchange for your soul.  You will receive a sorcerer’s power and abilities for your bloodline that any children you have will inherit and continue to pass on to their children.”
Raphael sent a wordless summon to Korrilla to drop her surveillance and come to him with the contract and an important elixir.
“I agree to the terms.”  The professor grinned ravenously.  
“I have sent an associate of mine to come with our formal agreement for you to sign.”  Raphael took another sip of his tea.  “She should arrive shortly.  Perhaps we should celebrate with the Wyvern whiskey you offered to secure our partnership,” Raphael suggested coolly.
The professor snapped again and asked for two tumblers of his expensive whiskey while they waited for Korrilla’s delivery of the contract document.  It wasn’t long before there was a sharp knock at the professor’s front door.
“Milord, there is a Dwarf here upon request of Master Raphael,” a maid introduced.
“Send her in,” the fool agreed, sitting back in his chair with a smug look on his face, knowing soon he would receive everything that he wanted.
Korrilla entered the parlor and handed a scroll to Raphael with a deep bow.  Raphael took the scroll and unfurled it in front of the professor.  He primed a quill and handed it over.
“This is where you sign.”  Raphael pointed to the signature line below the runes dictating that he would grant the professor a sorcerer bloodline for him and all his descendants.  Professor Bren Zagevekt signed the contract, sealing his eternal fate to Raphael’s whimsy.
Immediately upon signing, Raphael watched the foolish professor test his arcane powers.  He grinned, testing cantrips amongst his finest furnishings and leaving scorch marks on the ornate rug as his cantrips burned the flooring.
“Gods above, I had never realized how much power she actually had before.”  Professor Zagevekt’s fingers twitched as he tested his new power.
“Do you have a courtyard at your estate?” Raphael asked with a grin.  “There is no better place to test your new power.  I cannot imagine you wish to actually light your parlor on fire when your lineage comes to the forefront, and you may prefer a more dignified unveiling.”
The untouched tumblers of whiskey were laid neatly on the table as the uncouth moron impatiently rushed from the room to test his new abilities on his landscaping, while Korrilla waited patiently in the parlor for additional instructions.  Raphael silently signaled to Korrilla to pour the elixir he requested into the unwitting professor’s tumbler.  Ten drops should do it.  As much as Raphael had wanted to cause the fool incredible pains for what he had done to his Little Mouse, he knew it was prudent to wait.  His time would come.
It wasn’t long before the wizard had used an entire day’s worth of sorcerer powers on the unwitting hydrangeas and they returned to the parlor for the celebratory whiskey.
Raphael smiled smugly as the wizard drank deep and finished his glass, requesting another.
“See what did I tell you, this is the finest whiskey in all of Toril,” the new sorcerer bragged over their celebratory libations.  It was not.  That honor was for Hellfire whiskey.
When another glass had been finished, Raphael saw himself out, Korrilla close behind him.
They returned to Raphael’s study in the House of Hope.  Raphael sat calmly at his desk and removed a soft, worn leather portfolio from a desk drawer.
“You gave ‘im a shockingly good deal without asking too much from ‘im,” Korrilla mused.  “You probably could have gotten ‘is firstborn too in exchange for sorcerer powers.”
Raphael removed a book with a list of souls that he wanted to acquire from the portfolio.  He opened up to the page with the professor’s name and made some notes.  “I could not ask that from him, Korrilla, because he will have no firstborn.”
“How can you be sure?”
Raphael set down his quill before answering her.  “That elixir, the Father’s Rest, ensures that his seed is withered.  He will never be able to provide those patriar daughters he covets with a child.  He is the first and last of the dynasty that he wanted, though I can only imagine the carnage when his desperate wife inevitably seeks a more fertile source for seed in her womb.”
Korrilla laughed to herself as Raphael dismissed her with a wave.  He had thoughts to collect and notes to take from their meeting.  Raphael snapped and a glass of Hellfire whiskey appeared for him to sip while he worked, though its serving vessel was not the one he would have preferred.
Raphael set his book of notes aside and looked through the portfolio of information about Tavara.  He had a copy of the first chapter of her thesis on the influence of Hellfire on key events in Faerunian history and its influence on spell shaping.  It was well written, even if it was obvious that it was not authored by a wizard.
A flip of a page led to a series of memos from university faculty debating rumors of Tavara’s behavior.  One wanted to expel her to preserve their reputation and another thought the rumors indicated she was more trouble than she was worth.  Raphael had their names in his book, and he would seek them out when the time was right.  The Dragonborn alchemy instructor had advocated that she remain, worried that she was collateral damage for a student with a vendetta against him for poor marks he awarded.  Raphael wouldn’t intentionally seek him out for a contract, but he wouldn’t be opposed to making a deal should the opportunity arise.
Raphael thought back to the stupid grin on that fool’s face as he shoveled oily sardines onto his plate.  “I’m not going to start those rumors against myself.”  The context that the vampire spawn had provided him for the cost of three secrets made Raphael’s blood boil.  That arrogant fool was going to pay dearly for the harm he caused Raphael’s consort.  
The sharp tines of his sardine fork were going to be put to much better use when the professor was in Raphael’s clutches.  Raphael was going to ensure he was parted from his most favored jewels each day for all of eternity for daring to hurt his Little Mouse.
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punderdome · 23 days ago
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I love these two. They make me so happy. There is not a playthrough that goes by where I do not do everything to rescue Omeluum from the Iron Throne.
If you are inspired, 17, Omelurg, for the kiss meme ? 🎲♥
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forehead bonk counts as a kiss when you don't have lips, right?
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punderdome · 25 days ago
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It's often hard to remember that Raphael is, in fact, a devil. Romances with Raphael result in Tav living in the Hells. That said, we love him for it and simp for him like the Faerunian gods are all dead.
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My honored guests...dinner is served ✨✨
Go on, little mouse. Partake, enjoy your supper...
I was so disappointed when Larian dropped Patch 7 with its new evil endings, but no Raphael dinner included, so I vowed to make up for it with a dinner of my own. I was all set to color and shade, but things didn’t quite go as planned, and I had to take a little break. I picked it up again a few days ago, and here it is—finally finished.
Happy holidays!
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punderdome · 26 days ago
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punderdome · 26 days ago
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@gaeldricge Dommy mommy wants you to kneel!
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Women, amirite
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punderdome · 26 days ago
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Here is some sassy Raphael @gaeldricge
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CUNTY
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punderdome · 1 month ago
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They will eventually fall into his trap. And that, love, was that
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When the misadventurer you’ve been obsessing over doesn’t take the meticulously crafted deal you offered seriously.
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punderdome · 1 month ago
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I do love human form Raphael, but cambion form Raphael is delicious, and I wish we had far more interactions in game with him
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He looks exceedingly delicious, all pampered like that...
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punderdome · 1 month ago
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More pics of him wearing the crown please!
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crown for a prince
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punderdome · 1 month ago
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Tav's just really into ambitious dudes, and one of them happens to be hot and powerful. The other one happens to be Gale.
One has to wonder why there's so much Gale cucking in Raphael fics.
You know what they say. Twice's a coincidence, three times makes it a pattern.... And we're way above three at this point.
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