#stupid real estate listings

[hometoursandotherstuff]

What the Hell House. Hurry if you want this bargain 1925 fixer upper, b/c it's only been on the market for over 1,018 days. (It's the wavy house behind the SUV.) Located in South Ozone Park, New York, it has 3bds, 2ba, $235K.

Apparently, the listing shows better upside down.

And, then here's your side view.

What is this?

This is nice.

Terrible repair.

Nice upside down living room.

This looks like a sideways home office.

Upstairs landing.

Bath #1, both views.

Bedroom?

Hallway.

Second kitchen.

What even is this? Seriously, they could've turned these pictures around.

[pillow-ghost-nan]

VERY LONG wolfstar fic rec list PART 1

I spend way too much time reading fanfictions and wolfstar is the love of my life so yeah. Also most of these are E and M rated cause I just love my smut

PART 2

PART 3

Please let me know if any link needs fixing or if there are any mistakes. Enjoy!

Multi-chapter:

Led by Light of a Star Sweetly Gleaming by wolfpants

Rating: E, 53k words Remus Lupin is a student and temporary sales assistant at Oxford's finest department store when a mysterious, handsome young man by the name of Sirius Black enters his life and introduces him to a world of sprawling country estates, parties, and London's underground bar scene. A 1960s Wolfstar AU with lots of music, smoking, fine interiors, and, of course, romance.

Of Cinema and Sticky Notes by bluepeony

Rating: E, 12k words Remus Lupin is the office bore. Sirius Black is the office sweetheart. They fancy each other, on a purely aesthetic level.

The Road to Sweetwater by EuripidesTrousers

Rating: E, 57k words “Well. They don't call me Mad Sirius Black for nothing”, Black drawls lazily, “Speaking of drinks - you got any whiskey in your pack there or just old biscuits? Caught me talking politics and now my throat's awful dry.” Remus lifts his brow incredulously, disbelief creeping into his voice, “You must think I got a real short memory thinking you're owed a drink after that show back there. You clean forget you're at my mercy, and then go trying to steal my horse-” “Not in the habit of letting a man put me in the dirt without buying me a drink”, Black drawls, his grin turning sly, “Or maybe you got something else that'll make defeat a mite easier to swallow.” Sirius Black is wanted by the law in the state of Wyoming and Remus Lupin, who's still deciding which side of the law a bounty hunter sits on, captures him for the price on his head. It should be simple. But there's something in the air that Fall that sets Remus' compass spinning, and nothing seems simple anymore.

Saturday Nights and Sunday Mornings by Soupy_George

Rating: E, 126k words Heirs to the peerage didn’t write rock songs or play bass, they wrote poetry and learnt the cello from the age of five. Heirs to the peerage also got married and continued the family line. They certainly didn't get struck by a bolt of homosexual lightning in the middle of a grotty pub in Sheffield…. * “No doubt,” the barman said easily, handing the card back across the bar, “Just thinking it were nice tha’ posh twats have stupid names too.” He pointed to his chest, “Remus, thanks t’me daft mam.” A story about music and family, the price of fame and finding love somewhere completely unexpected.

Statten Park and Sunshine on Leith (Freedom & Whisky series) by eyra

Rating: E, 32k words He's absolutely maddening. It happens every summer: this dance, this flirting that Remus has never quite managed to get to the bottom of. Either it's a complete wind-up and Sirius is even more of an entitled bully than Remus has always thought, or it's going to end with Remus letting Sirius bend him over the storage crates behind the catering tent one year. It's one or the other. The boys spend a glorious long weekend together at Sirius's family estate in the height of summer.

The Long Way Home by HollyIvyDruzy

Rating: M, 177k words "SEEKING TWO ROOMMATES FOR HOUSE SHARE – SINGLE ROOMS AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY. FOUR BEDROOM HOUSE LOCATED ON EAST SIDE OF TOWN BY CATHEDRAL – CURRENT RESIDENTS FIRST YEARS. NO WEIRDOS PLEASE." Remus never expected to go to Westerbury University, but then he also never expected to meet force of nature Lily Evans while house-hunting, James Potter while replying to a horrendous handwritten advert, or Sirius Black once he had already decided to move in. Soon it becomes clear that even the best laid plans can be thrown out of the window when starting university living with a group of strangers. A university AU with a dash of humour, a sprinkling of angst and some pining for good measure.

Honeydew by lunchbucket

Rating: E, 40k words Healer Sirius Black feels like his life is going through the motions. He is still recovering from the tragic death of his best friends four years prior while doing his best to parent their five-year-old son. However, when a new patient's encounter with a mysterious creature leads him to contact a person from his past, his life gets shaken up into one giant beautiful mess that he isn't sure he knows how to handle. Or, That magic feeling when you find someone who can see you when you can't even see yourself.

Odi et Amo by afieryfox

Rating: E, ongoing Classics student Remus has everything figured out; his courses, his career path, his life — until a mysterious transfer student turns his whole world upside down. Remus despises Sirius Black from day one, quickly set out to beat his new academic rival in any way possible. Angry glares over text translations follow angrier words thrown at the other late at night. All too soon, hate morphs into obsession. And everyone knows what obsession leads to.

Petty (With A Prior) by lunchbucket

Rating: E, 65 words Showing up for his ‘civic duty’ is one thing, getting out of jury duty without losing his shit is another. Tack on an attorney who finds the whole fiasco hilarious, and Remus might as well be in hell. The Courthouse AU of my dreams.

Dunes and Waters by MarigoldWritesThings

Rating: E, 37k Remus is sensitive to changing tides, a part of the moon always with him, and Black is like the sea. He can smell it on him, the way his magic builds up and crackles about the fingertips. *** A werewolf, a convict, and a riddle.

Like an Accident by lurikko

Rating: E, 12k words November 1993: detective Sirius Black has a new case, and a new partner.

Black Diamonds and Moonlit Snow by iamafullyrealizedcreation

Rating: M, 66k words “A marketing manager from Wales, moved all the way to Maine, to work for a ski mountain, and you don’t even ski. Remus Lupin, you just keep becoming more and more mysterious. What other secrets do you have?” There were two paths in front of Remus, one where he flirted back with the beautiful, handsome, dangerous man in front of him, and one where he remembered that Sirius was his co-worker, and more importantly, made his living doing the one thing Remus hated most in the world. “You’ll find that beyond all that, I’m rather quite boring.” Remus said, as he settled on a decision. Sirius sat back in his chair and gave him a doubtful look, and the start of a smirk. “We’ll see.” Remus Lupin starts work at Mount Calset with the goal to bring people to the ski mountain, and has to learn to deal with "face of the mountain" famous ski racer, Sirius Black OR A story about overcoming your fears, and the type of love that makes you feel brave.

Go East by xinasvoice

Rating: E, 84k words Remus has been running for a long time. Eventually, he runs into a strange castle built by a wizard and his young apprentice. The longer he stays, the more secrets he uncovers...and the less he wants to leave. This is a novel-length adventure story that loosely follows the plot of Howl's Moving Castle. It does not require knowledge of the HMC book or movie to enjoy it.

The Horcrux Hunt by lostmy_keys

Rating: M, 143k words He is a Slytherin, a Black, and an ex-Death Eater. Of course he makes it out of the cave. Regulus sets out to destroy the Dark Lord's Horcrux with no one but a house-elf to help, until he realises his task is bigger than he alone can handle. Reluctantly he turns to the only man Voldemort fears for assistance - Dumbledore - who loans out his pet wolf for the job, much to Regulus's dismay. Together they embark on a hunt for Horcruxes - a long and arduous journey that both makes friendships and destroys them. And a few people get hurt along the way. Slowburn Wolfstar, Regulus character development, a very flirty (but platonic) Regulus and Remus friendship, and a canonically manipulative Dumbledore.

Where the Mist Falls by YumeNouveau

Rating: E, 30k words Remus loves being a deputy in the snowy mountain town of Greyback Peak. But when a crazy cult leader escapes in his woods and the FBI is called in, he's not about to just hand everything over to the stuffy know-it-all feds. That is, until he's confronted with silvery eyes, perfect cheekbones and a tailored suit that make his heart beat so loud it might start an avalanche.

Wish You Were Here by afieryfox

Rating M, 70k words Moony and Padfoot are both well-known online streamers that meet in an Among Us lobby organized by Lily. They instantly connect with their quick banter and similar interests, even with a whole ocean between them. Remus is alright with crushing on Sirius from afar. Until fans start shipping them and give them the name Wolfstar. Utterly ridiculous, of course. But why does Remus’ heart make a leap every time he thinks about it? And why, after countless hours on Discord calls, does he get the feeling that Sirius might feel the same?

Currents by lunchbucket

Rating: E, 109k words Remus Lupin and Sirius Black arrive in Sydney to compete in the Summer Olympics, both intent on making these games a better experience than the last. The two swimmers have a tumultuous history and intense rivalry, but can America’s golden boy and Great Britain’s notorious bad boy put their past behind them and find some common ground?

Where There Is Smoke by moongnome

Rating: not rated (oficially but it's actually E), 109k words "If he closed his eyes, he could have been there again, back in the cold river, water rising up to his shoulders, with a beautiful boy who wouldn’t leave him alone." It is 1865. Stuck in his house with his overbearing parents, Remus Lupin cannot shake the feeling that he's missing something. Returning from abroad after the death of his mother, Sirius Black is now the owner of a massive estate and he has the attitude to match. He has everything, including people who are determined to take everything from him. It takes seconds for Remus to know he will never hate anyone as much as he does Sirius Black.

The Homecoming of Sirius Black by lunarlivs, MissAmericanBi

Rating: E, 44k Sirius Black is burned the fuck out. From his high-pressure job, his unfulfilling love life, the concept of existence in general... you get the idea. With what used to be his life now just a smoldering pile of vaguely millennial-shaped wreckage drifting somewhere over the Manhattan skyline, Sirius leaves New York and moves home to Slytherin, Georgia—a wealthy suburb outside Atlanta—in an attempt to figure out what he is really doing in this prison of a meatsuit people call a body. Enter: a smoking hot bartender with big hands, amber eyes, and a stubbornly hardened exterior Sirius is determined to crack.* But with the passing of each month, Sirius starts to see that leaving a place doesn't mean forgetting the loss, returning to family doesn't mean coming home, and while love isn't found at the bottom of a pint glass—he may be the one pouring it.

How Remus Got His Groove Back by RealityShowJunky

Rating: M 43k words After two years of noncommittal sex: Remus tells Sirius that he loves him. Sirius firmly rejects him. Remus tries to move on. Sirius is not happy. OR Remus Lupin becomes king of the cockroaches, Fabian Prewett writes a book, Gilderoy Lockhart is a catfish, and Sirius Black realizes he's a fucking idiot.

Maybe this time is different (I really think you like me) by fiddleleafedfig

Rating: E, 73k words “Because you’re not just writing about Picasso, Sirius. Remus Lupin is a writer and an introvert, he has published a few novels that have been very well received. We want the story of it all, the family estate, his writing process, the decision to display these sketches now.” “And what on god's green earth makes me the best man for that job?” “Because you’re charming, we think he’ll like you.” * Or; The story of how Sirius Black gets a writing assignment, banters his way into the art-elite of London, and ends up falling head over heels in love.

Till We Have Arrived Home Again by prouvairing

Rating: E, 44k words Summer, 1999. Harry comes home with news. Quite a lot of news. Harry takes a deep breath. “I'm quitting the Aurors,” he starts with, which is followed by a moment of stunned silence. “What?” Sirius says. “All right," Remus says. “Do you know what else you want to do? Did you think about it?” Harry blushes, the way James used to—a rosy glow lighting up his brown skin—and says, “I wanted to—that is, I thought I might be a teacher.” Remus, quite suddenly, seems to have something in his eye. "Oh." “What?” Sirius says. “And uh—there's more. I was thinking I might like to. That is. I want to become an Animagus.”

Lines by Krethes

Rating: E, 24k words "As if feeling Sirius’s eyes on him -- and maybe he does, Remus just Knows Things sometimes -- he looks over his shoulder with eyes heavy-lidded and sleepy. “We’re far too old to be having morning sex and you know it, Padfoot,” he warns, his voice still gravely and deep from slumber." OR: DILF Wolfstar getting the happy ending they deserve. Chapters are chronological, but it's largely PWP and we're just here to have some fun.

No Expectations by thisbluepeony

Rating: M, 98k words Remus Lupin is a little-known music journalist working on a little-known music magazine. Blue Stag are his next Big Project - well, his first anyway.

Ever Thus by WrappedUp

Rating: E, 135k words “Right, well I’d say it’s about time to put an end to this nonsense, wouldn’t you?” James nodded sagely. “You’ve obviously still got some things to chat through with him, but he will talk to you about it, Remus. He thinks the world of you, you know that. But the important thing is that you do talk because nothing’s going to get sorted if you just sit cry-wanking in your room.” The world is excruciating and enthralling in equal measure. The gang try their hardest to navigate it as real, legitimate adults.

Language Lessons by MsAlexWP

Rating: E, 150k words September 1982 The war is over. Voldemort was defeated on October 31, 1981. Regulus Black discovered Voldemort’s horcruxes and informed the Order of the Phoenix, which destroyed them. When Voldemort arrived on Halloween to kill baby Harry, the Order was standing by, ready to kill him first. Almost a year later, the Marauders and their friends are rebuilding their lives. Everything is going well for Sirius Black. Everything but love. OR Sirius Black is great at sex but shit at relationships. Remus Lupin is an amazing boyfriend, but not so great at sex. Could these best friends learn from each other? Platonically, of course.

Hurling Crowbirds at Mockingbars by WrappedUp

Rating: M, 41k words “He’s coming home, James. What the hell am I meant to do with that? It’s been eight fucking years and we’re meant to... what? Just meet him at the pub? Buy him a drink like-” He shakes his head. “What will I do with my face?” James takes a sip of lemonade, taking his role as designated driver very seriously as always. He has a smudge of dirt on his nose from ‘wrestling a conifer the size of a bear’, but Sirius doesn’t think to mention it because he’s somewhat preoccupied with his own problems, which, for the avoidance of doubt, are many and insurmountable. “Your face?” “Yes, exactly! It’ll give me away the second he sees me. He’ll know right away that eight bloody years has done nothing at all to dampen it down. Dripping with hurt. As if I don’t still feel-”

One-shots:

Babysitting by A_factorygirl_69

Rating: E, 5,5k words Sirius and Teddy's excellent adventure, or why Remus is a master manipulator.

No Reckoning Made by A_factorygirl_69

Rating: E, 22k words Trying to remain friends but also wanting more while in the middle of a war is far more difficult than Remus ever imagined. Sirius certainly isn't making it easier on him either.

Secrets in the Black of night by TracingPatterns

Rating: E, 6k words It all starts when Remus is paired with Sirius fucking Black in Potions, but Remus didn’t think this was where they would end up.

Buy the Stars by wilteddaisy (taotu)

Rating: E, 23k words Sirius Black, respectable pureblood patriarch and heir to the Black family fortune, has a wife and three children at Hogwarts. Defence Against the Dark Arts professor Remus Lupin wrestles with the aging wolf inside of him. When Black offers him a hand, Remus reluctantly takes it.

Nosebleed by WrappedUp

Rating: T, 8k words “I can’t have a threesome, Lily. I do puzzles for fun. I drink Ovaltine. I have a mug that says ‘I heart spreadsheets’. And it wasn’t even a present; I went out and bought it for myself because I really do. I heart spreadsheets.”

That Old Black Magic by fallovermelikestars

Rating: M, 37k words AU in which Remus, being as he is a werewolf and all, is homeschooled til he is 16. Hogwarts is something of an experience, not least because there's this boy called Sirius Black.

illicit affairs by dykesiriusblack

Rating: E, 8k words They shouldn't. But they do.

The Power Of The Dog by Suchsmallhands

Rating: E, 71k words Sirius thought he left the Black family behind but he is forced to face them once again when charged with the death of his mother. Who do you think will be his defender?

you jump, I jump by grumposaur

Rating: M, 17k words When Remus witnesses a disturbing event walking home one night, it sends him down a twisted path of many discoveries: secret societies, macabre rituals, cloaked figures, and a dark-haired boy who proves to be the most dangerous of all.

Satellites by jennandblitz

Rating: E, 23k words Sirius Black is the guitarist for Starsign, a band on a meteoric rise to fame. One evening in Edinburgh and he finds himself face to face with Remus Lupin, gig photographer an in almost-criminally oversized punk shirt. Perhaps things aren't meant to be at first, but the universe has its ways…

After us, the flood by aryastark_valarmorghulis, bloodsuitsandtears

Rating: E, 10k words “I was hoping you might be waiting for me.” His tone is light and friendly, but Remus isn’t fooled. “I stopped for a smoke.” He wonders, though. Was he unwittingly waiting for Sirius? In the last eight years, there had been countless smoke breaks, quick trips to grab another wine bottle and rendezvous to decide James’ birthday gift that dissolved into a sloppy snog or a quickie. It didn't happen every time Sirius was back in the country, but it was close enough.

bookends by drowsyanddazed

Rating: E, 12k It’s 1995 and the only flat in London that Remus Lupin can afford is one that’s falling apart and riddled with curses. When the curse-breaker comes in to survey the place, it’s Sirius Black who shows up at his door. On Remus’ doorstep, in 1995, they go through introductions. But they knew each other in 1982, back at university, they knew each other quite well, so why are they pretending they don’t have history? He’s not quite sure what’s going on between them, what they’re doing, what this tightrope they’re walking is. He’s not sure it’s a good idea.

Love, Trust and Other Wartime Casualties by BellaBabe

Rating: M, 8k words “Full moon?” Sirius asks, realizing he doesn’t actually know. Remus looks at him oddly. “You know you were always the most attentive. James was too carefree, too unburdened and Peter too forgetful… but you, you always knew.” It’s a well placed blow and it leaves Sirius breathless. “Things change I guess.” Remus says softly. “I’m here now.” Sirius can taste the lie on his tongue. Remus hums noncommittally and pours them more tea.

Lie With Me by mblematic

Rating: M, 12k words Sirius meets Remus unexpectedly, in somebody else's body. Nobody trusts anybody.

Elucidation Practice by montparnasse

Rating: M, 21k Christmas, 1978. Remus, wrestling with the mighty problems of gift-giving on a budget, contemplates life, love, London in winter, and falling off the edge of the world with Sirius Black.

Don't Make Me Beg For You (Because I'll Beg For You) by CuriousMay

Rating: E, 14k words Sirius' head jerks round, eyes wide with shock. Remus is still speaking but all Sirius can hear now is white noise. He stares at Remus, who is carefully constructing his chicken sandwich as he talks, seemingly unaware of the conversational grenade he's just launched into the room. "What?" "You know, Rita Schaffer? She was that 4th year who had that incident with Bleatchley's Beauty Bleach in '75 just after our exams and Madam Pomfrey had to regrow all her hair-" Remus starts as he puts down the tomato but Sirius cuts him off with a sharp wave of his hand. "No, not that, you idiot. The other bit. You said - you said you're in love with me?"

Horoscopes and how they caused the Plague of Frogs by Woldy

Rating: E, 6k words This is the story of the most improbable job Remus ever had, the Chocolate Frog Plague of 1980 and, incidentally, how he first kissed Sirius.

A Series of Sketches Done in Black Ink by mustntgetmy

Rating: E, 57k words Non-magic AU. Sirius had always imagined the aftermath of falling in love would mean lightness, and an escape from all the horrors of his childhood. But the past never leaves, and even love can't stop bad memories from resurfacing. An almost year in the life of Sirius and Remus's first year as a couple replete with art and tangled sheets, and containing the following: filled sketchbook pages from people lost and people found, terrible biscuits from an excellent therapist, mismatched music records, expensive hot chocolate, a lost brother, photographs (some invasive and some invoking terrible memories), a reckoning with the past, a promise of the future, and yet another ridiculously over the top Halloween party.

Within White Space by mustntgetmy

Rating: T, 9k words Non-magic AU. Remus spends his all his lunch breaks the same way: he sits at the university cafe, orders the cheapest thing on the menu, and stares at Sirius. Getting a good long, look at Sirius (and fantasizing about said look) is all Remus expects from Sirius. But Sirius has never been one for fulfilling expectations.

Black Glass by estas_absentis

Rating: E, 4k words Remus already holds Sirius’ heart in his hands, carries it with him through the world, could crush it if he chose. Why not his mind, his self, too?

[awrkive]

r we getting tlp3 anytime soon 😖😖😖

anon asked: Could you please give us a little tiny spoiler about tlp pt.3?🥹🫶🏻

hi first anon! no i dont think i can give u guys a date yet. im actually currently joining an architectural competition at uni so thats keeping me a bit busier than usual, but i am writing tlp 3 during my breaks so ... thats that. ANYWHO. i will make sure to update u guys when its ready to be out!

anyways, to second anon. a tiny spoiler under the cut proceed if u wanna.. 🤓

You’re pretty much drained the moment you arrive at your place.

Sighing heavily, you punch in the passcode and almost feel your knees buckling at the sight of the interior of your apartment when the door opens.

It feels like it’s been so long since you’ve been here, and coupled with the discussion that you had with Doyeon two days ago, everything suddenly feels overstimulating and there’s a certain burn at the sides of your eyes that urges you to cry. 

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you breathe in and out as you enter the threshold, noting the fact that anybody is not home. Or Jungkook isn’t present anywhere in the living room. You’re a bit grateful for that if you have to be honest to yourself – after all, the last time that you talked to him, it did not exactly go as well as you’d like. 

He could be in his room, though. That’s what you assume as you go straight over to the kitchen in hopes to heat up the take-out that you bought at the driveway. But the to-go container from Chipotle at the island catches your attention, as well as the laptop that is left open beside it. 

So Jungkook is home. 

The question is, where could he possibly be, leaving out his stuff here in the kitchen? Might be in his bedroom to grab something real quick? 

You don’t mean to do the next thing that comes to your mind, but your feet – your stupid feet – track back from the microwave to the island, and your eyes betray you as they go look and read the words on Jungkook’s macbook. 

The tab that's left open shows an apartment listing website, and the following tabs beside it are some familiar real-estate names you’ve come to visit on the internet before when you were looking for a place yourself.

It makes you freeze in your spot, eyes glued to the daunting images of the apartment layout that Jungkook must’ve clicked on awhile ago, and you take note that he’s seemingly, specifically, looking for one-bedroom and studio apartments. 

Your mind goes into a sudden haywire at the sight. 

What does this mean? 

“Oh, hey,”

The embodied voice makes your head snap to its direction, and you see Jungkook standing in front of you in his sweats and shirt – his usual home clothes – with a charger in his hand. 

“Jungkook.” You say, or more like, breathe out. There's a heavy feeling that sits in your heart when you look at his face – but most of all, it beats a little above normal.

But Jungkook looks just as surprised as you. 

“I… I didn’t know you’re coming ho– back.” He says, and you feel a sudden twinge inside that you ignore when you caught him pointedly avoiding the word home when pertaining to your place. Somehow, it felt intentional.

But you give him a smile. Probably a weak one. Probably doesn’t really look like a smile at all and more like a grimace.

If Jungkook notices, he doesn’t say anything. Just goes straight to the direction of the high chairs on the island and plug in his charger on his laptop. 

Then, he turns to look at you. “Uh.. you just got off from your shift?” 

“Uhm, yeah. You too?” You say, nibbling your bottom lip with your teeth. A nervous habit. 

“Nah, got off a few hours ago.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

“Yeah.” 

You nod your head. You stand there for a while, letting the silence that’s admittedly awkward hang in the air. 

It’s weird, really. Jungkook and you usually have a lot to say to each other – but right now, there doesn’t seem to be a single thing that you can bring up.

There's a certain kind of melancholy in the case. 

“Well, uhm. That’s Zillow.” You say, pointing to his laptop. The moment the words left your lips you swear you could have slapped yourself. 

How stupid to ask him about it. How incredibly stupid for that thing to be your choice of topic after weeks of no proper communication with him. 

Jungkook seems just as taken aback by this, though, turning his head immediately to look at his laptop. There’s a slight jerk in his movements when he glides his fingers across the trackpad that closes the entire window of the internet and shows his PC wallpaper instead. 

“Oh. Yeah. That was… Zillow.” 

Stupid, stupid you makes everything even more awkward when you say, “You’re looking for a place?” 

Jungkook stares at you for awhile. There’s a pregnant pause, and then he nods his head. A bit hesitant. But his voice is full when he speaks. 

“Yeah.” 

So he’s moving out. That’s what you think as you avoid looking at his face, letting your gaze fall back on his laptop.

You give him a small smile. 

“Ah. Good luck with the search, then.”

Your hope you hide the way your heart completely breaks when you say the words. 

[newtonsheffield]

Oh, Molly, they get a house together to raise the baby? This is so sweet! Can we see more of it? Also, just wanna say I am completely obsessed with florist kate and tattooist anthony!

Anthony does really want to buy a house for them to raise the baby in.

He has a one bedroom flat that Kate moved into when they moved in together and shortly after, they got Newton and it just really feels like Anthony’s outgrown this flat a little, that their relationship has outgrown this place.

Not only that, but Anthony wants to prove that he can provide for Kate and their child. He knows it sounds a little stupid, and old fashioned but he wants to prove to Kate and her family that he can provide for his family. That he was a good choice in partner. Even though their daughter’s pregnant after less than a year together, he’s a responsible guy. He makes a decent wage, and he’s from a family that’s… actually quite well off, and he wants to make a home for his family.

And he wants to do it before the baby arrives because he wants to give Kate, and himself, the opportunity to get ready for the baby in their home. Give them the opportunity to nest, and paint the nursery and get things organized. So he’s seriously house hunting! He has a list of things that he keeps bothering the real estate agent with. Driving poor Janine to distraction, actually. She’s not even sure the commission is worth it.

[veryace-ficrecs]

Shawn Spencer Whump Fic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

Could you please explain the hurting? by Strangeskulll - Rated T

Shawn did something - moderately - stupid and end up getting really sick. Cue for Gus and Henry to take care of him, however they can.

Shawn Walks Into A Bank by cosette141 - Rated T

Gus was always hounding Shawn for not taking Psych checks to the bank and being "responsible." So it's just Shawn's luck that the one time he goes... so does a crazy gunman.

Saved By the... Bullet? by cosette141 - Rated G

We all knew it would happen one day. Carlton Lassiter finally shoots Shawn Spencer. (not slash) Oneshot

From Bad to Much, Much Worse by MusicalLuna - Rated T

Gus thinks he's going down to the pier for lunch with Shawn. But something's ruffling Shawn's feathers and bad luck is about to hit them with a nasty sucker punch.

Shawn Spencer and the Fate of the Furious by huckleberryzenon - Rated G

an AU to Season 4, Episode 9: "Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark." Rollins has a few tricks up his sleeve after his arrest, post Shawn's dramatic car-hopping rescue.

Shafted by MusicalLuna - Rated T

Only Shawn could injure himself whilst searching a cordoned off office building with a faction of S.B.P.D. officers.

Taking Bullets by cosette141 - Rated G

Gus learns once and for all what lengths Shawn is willing to go to protect his best friend. Oneshot

The Finch and the Mockingbird by Emachinescat - Rated T

Henry's past comes back to haunt him in the worst of ways when a psychopath bent on revenge goes after his son in a deadly game inspired by the dark themes of revenge in Harper Lee's 'To Kill a Mockingbird.' Now father and son must fight for their lives and for each other, because this guy is determined to kill a mockingbird: a snarky, faux-psychic mockingbird named Shawn Spencer.

This Is Why Shawn Hates HGTV by huckleberryzenon - Rated G

Henry Spencer decides that renovating the house and pretending to put it on the market will teach his son to appreciate him more--like Shawn is dumb enough to fall for that. He is dumb enough to fall off a roof when his Dad's real estate agent turns out to be a serial killer who chased him up there, though.

[pseudophan]

help the Twitter phannies are creating nonexistent problems again. literally why would they title an entire video “partial kitchen reveal” if they didn’t want to/knowing that people want to see their house to a certain extent 😭

i think some people struggle to separate them teasing us and them being actually upset by something we say/do. the way i see it, they're not gonna joke about things that Genuinely bother them, like enough for them to want us to not do it. there's a reason they haven't joked about the vday vid for example, cause that's one of the things they'd actually rather we stfu about. but things like zooming in on their pictures to see what their house looks like and freaking out over them touching is just not that deep lmao they're mocking us for it cause it IS stupid but they also know they're just adding fuel to the fire

also in regards to trying to figure out the layout of their house, whilst yeah a little creepy i suppose in the sense that it's their private space, isn't as big of a deal this time cause it's not something you can really use to find their address or whatever. as in, in the past people would compare their apartment layouts to old real estate listings and get their address, which is something that happens to a loooot of vloggers and others who share their house online, but this time they purchased it before it was done and decided the layout for themselves so there's not gonna be any floorplans online to compare them to. if that makes any sense at all. just thought i'd point that out in case anyone was worried about their address leaking because of this specifically

[angel-of-the-moons]

V .......

Vampire! Anselm x Reader thots™ up in this bitch

Some NSFW shit under the cut, enjoy the random brainrot I just got

Big mansion with heavily tinted windows, private jets with black out curtains, yachts they ride to see meteor showers together.

They have those big extravagant parties, nobody thinks anything of it. All they're doing is picking through their "associates" to see who is the one they need the least and pull them to a dark corner and drink their fill..... Or they bring in somebody who siphoned funds into their own accounts from their estate.... Makes a spectacle of draining him dry as a warning--

V!Anselm totally gets a hard on when he sees you covered in blood I don't make the rules

Even if y'all have been together for centuries or one year, the man is still a horny little shithead for you, and being alive for so long has definitely allowed his kink list to be exponentially longer than most since being exposed to the Internet.

Sometimes during those public feedings of the stupid little fuck-ups who steal from him, Anselm will ravage the shit outta you in the middle of the party (unless you're not into it, that is, you are his Queen of The Night and he would never disrespect you and make you uncomfortable, the man would rip out his own fangs, first)

Really likes it when you decide to seduce™ him. Pour a glass of wine/blood down your body and he will be on his knees to lap it all up.

Would also un-ironically dress as Dracula for Halloween-themed parties/balls.

"What? It's thanks to Bram Stoker so many people now only believe us to be pure fiction, giving us leeway to exist in the public eye. Why not honor his character? What? Yes, yes, I know he was based on Vlad Țepeș, I was there--"

"Believe it or not, I think I have a cousin who is descended from the real count... I should invite them to one of our parties."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Would totally shoot glares at you if you make him to the "Bleh bleh bleh" thing from Hotel Transylvania, but would do it just to make you laugh. Your voice is like the most addicting thing he could ever have as an immortal.

Despite being an immortal vampire, he has those scars from an assassination attempt; exposing him to the sun and permanently damaging him.

If anything, surviving the sun only served to empower his image more. A powerful man who survived the dreaded sunlight; came out scarred and killed his would-be assassins himself.

V!Anselm will occasionally hold his arm under a beam of sunlight to intimidate those in his business meetings.

He'd feel bad about it later, however, but only in private with you once you expressed your concern as you let him feed from you to replenish his strength. You always do that when he goes "overboard" as you put it; the closeness and intimacy of letting him feed from you instead of a blood bag or some useless employee helped soothe and reassure you that he was all right.

And speaking of feeding from you... It almost always winds up with him inside of you or vice versa in some way... Feeding from one another is one of the most intimate acts a loving couple could do; drinking each other's essence just reaffirms the bonds between you.

And if you guys have a little brood? Oh, the man is unstoppable.

If any children you have are half-vampire because you haven't been turned yet? If they're unharmed by the sun? A testament to the Vogelweide name; his lineage will live on no matter what.

However, if you're still human, Anselm will insist on turning you. Especially when he discovered that someone tried to wound him by attempting to slip something like poison into one of your meals. (Vampires have better senses, Anselm could smell the tainted food even if you couldn't. You never did find out exactly what happened to that guy...)

[dsknsk]

This was removed by Reddit's shitty AI bots so reposting here.

Lately I've been wandering around in search of new titles, so I'm hoping that you can help me! Do note I'm kind of really picky lol so be warned.

But as a few points, here's some preferences of mine:

I don't like romance or hints of it in general and I despise harem. The "first girl crushes on male MC who is so dense he doesn't know but theb second girl is also crushing on male MC so the girls fight behind stupid MC's back" and "girls whose entire reason for living is MC" are really things I don't want to read, I'm tired lol

I don't really care as to what setting the story is in tbh. Can be Murim, can be mo.dern day. But there has to be some kind of action, not entirely slice of life

I tend to dislike magic schools/academies (bc it's so easy to get the standard tropes like "haughthy bitch with magic", "sexy teacher" and "one-dimensional bully") but I'd like to be proven wrong for once

No real life gods/"constellations" involved please

I love an atypical MC. Kind of like Lloyd who is only out for money and easy retirement but ends up helping everyone as a side-effect, or just a good villain

The following list is not full but just a small pick of the more known titles to give the idea:

I've read and enjoyed the following:

Greatest Estate Developer (bloody amazing)

Pick Me Up (don't like all story beats but it's generally good)

Reincarnated as a Legendary Surgeon (like medical themes, plus no romance)

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint (this one gets bonus points for not dressing its girls in riduculous armor, only thing I'm not fond of are the gods)

I've also read and finished:

Solo Leveling

I liked but kind of stopped with:

Nano Machine (story is good, just disliked the romance)

I really hated:

999+ Reinforced Stick (except the one arc about the little girl)

[thatbadadvice]

Help! The Ungrateful Youths of Today Don't Appreciate the Value of Anything, and by 'Anything' I Mean the Worthless Shit I Am Trying to Sell Them

Ask A Manager, 12 May 2023:

Several years ago I was frustrated with the way people went about looking for jobs. I’m a small business owner and even before running my own company, I always networked. Through networking I’ve managed to do so much. Today I run six networking groups. Again, several years ago I created a t-shirt designed to network for you. It lists various fields, each with a checkbox by it, and comes with a small sharpie so you can check off the type of job or career you desire. By wearing the t-shirt everywhere you go, it starts the job seeking conversation. I marketed them inexpensively to college grads. I went to colleges, job fairs, and even graduations. Not one t-shirt sold. I was so angry. I was on popular talk shows and in the paper and still nothing. Today I sit with every size t-shirt in my garage. Many ask why I don’t still pursue this idea. They are the ones who got the idea and believe in it. Perhaps I was ahead of my time. I marketed towards college grads who texted as a main form of communication. However, today communication is even worse. Young adults can barely look someone in the eye. Please tell me what your opinion is of my t-shirts. I hoped people would wear them daily and maybe while filling their gas tank this would start a conversation that would change their lives forever. Networking will always be the way to get what you need. Referrals, physicians, mechanics, plumbers, electricians, landscapers, housekeepers, financial advisors, accountants, babysitters, trainers, real estate agents, tutors, and whatever I have missed. Am I wrong? Would my product help those unable to network?

There is one reason and one reason only that your revolutionary clothing business has failed to see the success it so clearly deserves: young people today are appallingly poor communicators who, for reasons that likely include video games and participation trophies, are actively unwilling to appreciate the awesome one-on-one human connections that can only be made by going about life wearing a t-shirt and hoping someone reads it and decides to enter into a business relationship as a result. Yes indeed, it is specifically and only the modern youths who have refused to purchase your t-shirts who are very, very poor at understanding how to build valuable and meaningful relationships with other humans. There is definitely not anybody else here who is bad at communicating.

Every single person on planet earth who is under the age of, say, 25, lacks the foresight and vision to appreciate the radically lucrative possibilities of wearing the same t-shirt every day every single place they go. Every single person who didn't buy one of your shirts did so because they are young and stupid and don't know a life-changing idea when they see one. But you do! Because you are old and smart, which are the same thing.

After all, you are great at networking and have managed to do incredible things as a result of your great networking skills, such as running six networking groups. If that's not proof positive that networking works, what is?

The only way to know for sure whether your shirts will help poor communicators understand exactly how bad they are at connecting with others may be to try your product out for yourself.

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes. Please read the tags and warnings before reading.

BNHA

you could have knocked me out with a feather by sahwen

"Your X-rays don’t indicate any fissures or other breaking in the skull,” his handler said as she looked over his file. She always spoke like that, as did his other handlers; the skull. Not his. Because it wasn’t his, when you got right down to it. He was a public figure. He was property. He was real estate.

And he knew what she meant when she said your x-rays don’t indicate any fissures. It meant, you’ve wasted our time. It made him sweat.

Or: Hawks gets bonked. The HPSC is not a hospital.

Stranger Things

Adopt a Jock by @sp0o0kylights

Hellfire adopts Steve during his final year of high school. Pre-Steddie. (Ongoing tumblr fic)

DC (Batfamily)

This Dark Ceiling Without a Star by Miss_Lazy_Tuesday

"For fuck’s sake, your chatter is going to drive me crazy faster than this stupid spell.”

“Then you talk!”

“There’s no point!” Jason snaps. “I can feel it, okay. It’s—there’s no emotion behind it, it’s not using my thoughts. It’s just a bunch of weird Greek echoing in my brain and a compulsion to act. And it’s getting stronger. Talking isn’t going to slow it down.”

“Then what will slow it down?”

After five long seconds of silence, Tim gives into the urge and viciously jabs his fist into Jason’s leg for the second time.

“Goddammit, why?” Jason snaps, green briefly sparking in his eyes before disappearing just as quickly.

“You are not seriously going to just sit there and wait to die.”

“The hell do you care anyway?”

“Because I don’t want you to die! Obviously!”

“You fucking should."

Marvel

status quo by jilliancares

"So, you’re investigating this not-so-bad-bad-guy, and you’re coming out of his apartment at—" Wade tilts his head to the side, just enough to check his watch “—almost exactly the time you usually start your patrol.”

Peter chews on the inside of his cheek. “Yep,” he decides on.

“And — just to be clear — I definitely shouldn’t unalive this guy instead of the douchebag across the street.”

“Definitely not,” Peter agrees. “No one would like that.”

Wade bangs his head against the fire escape again. “Okay, Webs. This one’s just to gauge if you’re smarter than a fifth grader: how much of that do you think I actually believe?"

Or: Somehow, the components of Peter’s secret identity keep crumbling all around him.

Also: He’s running out of excuses not to tell Wade that he’s in love with him.

9-1-1

Don't You (Forget About Me) by Princessfbi

"Bill, can you tell me your location? I want to send some people to make sure you’re okay. You don’t sound okay.”

“I’m not. But he’s worse off than I am. Shouldn’t you want to help him instead? Wouldn’t you want to know where he is?”

“Who is he?”

“That firefighter I buried underground.”

The long awaited buried alive fic

ATLA

All the Little Things by CSHfic, VSfic

Sokka receives an offer of an arranged marriage from the Northern Water Tribe. On the one hand, accepting would strengthen ties between their tribes. On the other hand, Chief Arnook has suggested Hahn as a potential match, and Hahn sucks. But with the future of the Southern Water Tribe Reconstruction project relying heavily on the good will of the North, Sokka doesn’t know how to say no.

(Katara doesn’t have to deal with this. Katara is dating the Avatar.)

Zuko has a solution. Sokka just wishes he’d realized he was in love with the Fire Lord before he agreed to pretend to date him.

Classroom Lessons by Thisisentertaining

Sokka never would have thought he'd be pretending to be a Fire Nation Colonial Citizen, going to a parent conference about his fake!son who was an airbender, but here he was.

At least life wasn't boring.

Sokka turned on Aang, fake mustache and beard bristling. "Young man, as soon as we get home, you're gonna get the punishment of a lifetime."

The headmaster smirked, smugly, evil-y, Fire Nation-y. "That's what I like to hear. Really Zuko him."

the snakes, and the people that they bite by Serie11

Rai is just a normal guy, really. One of the many guards that patrol the Fire Lord's palace.

Why did it have to be him who got caught up in this assassination attempt?

Finishing Each Other's Sentences by mindbending

fire lilies are red your melancholy mood’s blue still I prefer you 

After the war, Sokka starts writing poetry.

She broke your throne by Serie11

Zuko is kidnapped from his afternoon of paperwork by a well intentioned friend. There just so happens to be a festival on in town for them to attend instead of working...

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Pleasure Is My Business: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Summary: You’re brought back to your high school days with this case. You put that behind you when you graduated, but life has a funny way of bringing you closer to the person who made your life miserable back then.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

"The prostitute is not, as feminists claim, the victim of men, but rather their conqueror, an outlaw, who controls the sexual channels between nature and culture." - Camille Paglia

Before you leave for work, you grab the coffee you premade as soon as you wake up. The coffee is right next to your high school reunion invitation. The opened card stares at you whenever you pass by it, begging you to acknowledge it. High school was one of the worst years of your life because not only did kids bully you, but you felt their own pain as your own.

It wasn't fun.

This reunion is in a few days but you're still in Quantico. Looks like you won't get to go, and honestly, you're kind of relieved. Spencer wants you to go and prove to everyone you're this hotshot FBI agent (which you are), but you don't feel like proving to a bunch of people who never gave a fuck about you in the first place.

"Are you gonna go?" Spencer says from behind you.

"We'll, seeing how it's in a few days and we're not in Dallas, I don't think so. It's so stupid because instead of a night, they made it a whole weekend getaway. As if I want to spend more time with them than I have to."

"Maybe you can go to the other one."

All you can do is shrug. You really don't want to get into this right now, plus, you have to get ready for a case Hothc pulled together. Hotch got called to Dallas early in the morning to do a briefing on a case sent by Patrick Jackson, the attorney general.

Hoyt Ashford, a hedge fund manager for a major bank, has turned up dead in a hotel room. Hoyt didn't do too well in the public eye after going on talk shows and talking about how the real estate crisis wasn't a real thing. He posted an apology video about the issue, but once word got out that he died, his lawyers classified it as a suicide.

If you know any better, then that's not true.

According to Hotch, there was Viagra near Hoyt's body. Considering that his wife was at home with the kids, it's safe to assume the prostitute he was with killed him. Something that's confidential and not to be mentioned in any reports is that Hoyt took $10,000 out of a fund in cash. No one saw the prostitute he was with, which isn't surprising since they know how to be discreet. According to Patrick, this is the second murder in Dallas.

You might be able to attend your reunion after all.

"Female serial killers are a fascinating field," Spencer says once everyone is in the air. "We don't have much information on them, but what we do know involves throwing the rules completely out the window. Take the signature, for instance. They don't torture or take trophies because there is no sexual gratification when a woman kills. Murder is the goal. They don't have to do anything extra."

"So, basically, women are more efficient at killing," you half-joke.

"Historically, they have had body counts in the hundreds."

"Assuming that the job is the stressor, what are some of the reasons prostitutes kill their customers?" Hotch asks over the phone.

"Money, drugs, and PTSD. At some point, every call girl, no matter how well paid, gets coerced into an activity she didn't consent to. Aileen Wuornos used to purposefully stage paid sexual encounters as an excuse to murder men she thought would rape her," you explain.

"Wuornos was psychotic and disorganized. I think this girl is poisoning them before she has sex with them."

"She's using Tetramethylenedisulfotetramine. It's a popular rat poison in China which can be easily soluble in alcohol," Spencer explains after reading the files Hotch sent over.

"Poison is the perfect MO. It's quiet, quick, and the victims never see it coming because they think they're getting lucky." Hotch makes an uncertain noise. "Does that mean something to you?"

"These men are paying $10,000 a night for discretion as well as sex. She has a history with them. She didn't decide to kill them at the moment. She walks in with the intent to kill them, and she's doing it before she sleeps with them. She's not just organized, she's also methodical. She decides early which one of her clients is worth killing," Hotch says.

"Maybe the victims all share the same fetish. Both victims were in their fifties, highly visible, and careful of their image. If they were kinky in the same way, they'd go to great lengths to hide it."

"We're facing a corporate culture that'll do everything it can to keep us out."

"Actually, I had some luck there. Hoyt's wife isn't too happy with how he died. She agreed to talk to us but because every silver lining has a dark cloud, the hedge fund released a statement." JJ pulls out her phone to read the statement that was sent to her. "Ashford died peacefully in his home, according to lawyer David Madison.' They're already trying to close ranks."

"Does that language sound familiar to anyone else?" Spencer asks.

"What do you mean?"

"It's the same thing as the murder of the first victim. 'According to the company lawyer, Stanton died peacefully in his home'."

"Y/N and Morgan, start with the wife and see if you can get her to open up. JJ, call the lawyers and tell them I want to meet with both of them."

"You want to play them off each other?"

"I think one of them wrote both press releases. Let's see which one calls us back."

Once you land, you and Derek head over to the Ashford home where Yvonne Ashford is eagerly waiting for you.

"Mrs. Ashford, we're very sorry about your husband," you say.

"I've been getting nothing but condolences all day. I feel like a hypocrite for accepting them, knowing how he died."

"We think your husband might have been targeted because of something sexual he did with this call girl. I know this is hard, but is there anything you can tell us about what he liked?"

"In bed? I can sum it up in one word. Younger."

"How much younger?"

"Twenty-five. That was when I first met him."

"So, your age difference was part of the attraction?"

"Are you kidding? It was the whole relationship."

"Mrs. Ashford, no offense, but your husband spent a lot of money on this woman. Was there anything else at all that he liked from a younger woman besides the ego boost?" Derek asks.

"There's a certain kind of man, Agent, for whom the only kind of sex that matters is the ego boost. In a marriage like ours, you have to work at it or in my husband's case, pay for it."

Your phone rings and you step off to the side when you see Hotch is calling.

"Yeah, Hotch?"

"We got a meeting with a madame that sets meetings up like the one Ashford was in. Spencer is heading over to meet with her. I want you to go with him."

"Sure." You hang up and walk over to Derek. "I got to go. See what else you can find out about Hoyt."

"Yeah."

The madame, Lauren, is hosting an open house where she is able to meet clients discreetly. It's actually pretty smart since people might think they're there for the open house instead of something else entirely.

"This is actually pretty smart," you say when you meet up with Spencer. "Properties like this are safe and an inspection-free investment for large sums of cash."

An older woman walks out of the house with a big smile on her face.

"Well, hello, you two!"

"Are you the--"

"Isn't this neighborhood just fabulous? You're gonna love this house," she cuts your boyfriend off. She escorts you two inside the house for more privacy. "You two need lessons in faking it. I teach a class."

"So, you arrange dates for escorts?" you ask.

"All I arrange are meetings. What happens between two consenting adults when that meeting is over is something I'm not liable for. Now, who wants a scone?" she offers from a platter.

"Listen, we're looking for someone who is a high-end prostitute who takes fees up to ten thousand dollars. She has the intent of killing her clients before having sex with them."

"Oh, yes. We all know about this woman. She's terrible for business."

"I guess there's only so many men that can afford the service you provide, right?"

"Yes, but with the way she's behaving, she's only hurting herself. An escort's client list is the most important investment she has. It's her daily income and her retirement package when she sells the list."

"She's not working with a service then. No madam would allow an escort to kill off the clientele."

"What about the type of work your employees do?" Spencer asks nervously. "We're sort of operating under the assumption that this escort is killing men who make her perform a specific sexual act."

"What did you have in mind, sweetie?" she smirks.

"I... I don't even... I don't know."

"Don't mind him," you giggle. "It's his first time."

"If I may, I think you're looking at this all wrong. Start with this question: why would a man pay a woman five figures?"

"It's not just for sex, is it?"

"Of course, you've got to be good in bed to be successful, but that's the easy part. What men want more than the no strings attached sex is a therapist. Someone who will absorb the worst parts of their personalities."

"They're looking for someone to tell their fears and insecurities to. Everything they can't take home to their wife."

"That's what I groom my girls to do--how to talk to these men and how to listen. Don't get me wrong, deviancy comes with the territory. I can't tell you how many men need to be submissive as an outlet from their extremely stressful jobs. I can tell you that if the sex was the reason she was killing these men, she would have broken long before she charged $10,000."

"It isn't how these men act in bed, it's how they act out of it," Spencer says.

This unsub isn't killing at a specific time because it's whenever her client wants to meet with her. While you've been talking to Lauren, another murder has taken place. You and Spencer leave the open house and immediately head over to an office firm.

Joseph Fielding is found dead inside the elevator, tied to an office chair with X's marked in lipstick on his eyes, and clear tape wrapped around all over his mouth.

"The victim is Joseph Fielding. He was the CFO here," Rossi says when you two get there.

"Was he poisoned?"

"Yes, and staged. She killed him in his office and then rolled him out here to be found."

You walk over to the victim but pause when you see the energy left behind by the unsub. It's blue because the unsub is a female, but you recognize this energy. There are eight billion people in this world with eight billion different base energies. Every single person you've met has their own energy signatures, and you're familiar with this one. Not only have you seen this energy before, you know the person attached to it.

You've met and gotten to know this person before.

"I know this unsub," you say.

"You do?" Hotch asks.

"Yeah, but I can't put a name to it yet. I've definitely seen it sometime in my life."

Hotch gives you time to put a name to the unsub, but for right now, he focuses on what he can see physically.

"The lipstick is new."

"It was done postmortem. Reid said female serial killers don't leave a signature. I think she did that just for us. She's already exposed him at his most vulnerable. Now she wants to be noticed."

There is commotion by the barrier formed by local police by a man trying to get through, which he does eventually.

"Which one of you is Aaron Hotchner?"

"Me."

"I'm Larry Bartlett. I represent Mr. Fielding in Webster Industries."

"This is a closed crime scene, Mr. Bartlett."

"I know. I spoke to Ellen Daniels, and she said you're a very reasonable man."

"Escort him out, please," Hotch says to one of the officers.

"No, wait. Please." The officer tries to grab him, but he doesn't leave right away. "The press is outside and they can smell blood. Is there any way we can handle this discreetly?"

"We're not about to lie for you," Derek says.

"You don't have to lie. Just don't comment."

"Excuse us."

Hotch takes the team off to the side to talk about the benefits of not commenting on the murder. "Is there any reason to go public yet?"

"Validating her is exactly what she wants. If we hold back, she's more likely to make a mistake," you say quietly.

"He doesn't need to know that. We need everything you have on Fielding like bank accounts, tax records, and emails."

"Everything?" Larry asks in uncertainty.

"Everything."

"I'll gather everything and send it in the morning."

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[magnetictapedatastorage]

i genuinely hate it when people act like you have to be either stupid or elderly to fall for scams. anyone, anywhere, can be taken advantage of, especially people who think they're too smart or not a big enough target to be vulnerable.

it really makes me angry that we're just used to being bombarded with spam emails and robocalls designed to steal money from you. but that's not the end of it, there's fake job interviews, fake real estate listings, those try to steal your money too. it's fucked up!

yeah yeah be vigilant of course but when did a very reasonable amount of trust in other people become worthy of losing your life's savings? and who decides what a reasonable amount of trust is? because nowadays it seems to be zero!

[nekonanamii]

All for the best pt. 3 - Toji x Fem! Reader

Toji’s pov 🫣

Your company was hosting afternoon drinks at the yacht club, and Suguru being your boyfriend- was your plus one.

There you were casually chatting with your colleagues wearing a beautiful sundress with the sunset in the background.

“Honey~ come here! Let me introduce you to my coworkers” you say to your boyfriend.

Suguru introduces himself politely to your co-workers and they’re all charmed by how poised this man was and even more shocked to find out he was the CFO of Gojo Enterprises. The very company yours was about to have a merger with.

He’s running circles around the small of your back, and slowly he takes a sneaky squeeze of your ass. He whispers into your ear and you’re blushing hard.

Toji watched the entire thing happen from a distance. The glass in his hand nearly cracking.

Your boss is well aware of the fact that you’ve been with your partner for 6 years now, it’s 2023 after all and he follows your Instagram account. He sees just how sweet and perfect you are to your boyfriend yet he wonders why he hasn’t put a ring on it yet.

~

It’s 10:14 am at Gojo Enterprises, Toji’s meeting had just wrapped up. He makes his way to the elevator and just as the doors were about to close, Suguru walks in with a woman who’s blouse had one too many buttons open giving a clear view of how plump her tits were. This peaks Toji’s interest.

It was obvious the woman was very interested in your boyfriend, and your boyfriend didn’t seem to mind.

Interesting indeed.

Your boss overheard that you were in the market for a new apartment, so him being a thoughtful boss made sure to recommend a good real estate agent.

“Naoya, do you still have the number of that real estate agent?”

“The one with the huge tits? Fuck yeah! Planning to get a new penthouse?”

Toji knew he had to lure your boyfriend into this trap. This man wanted you to himself and honestly, he wanted to know just how loyal your boyfriend was.

Your boss made sure that on the days you were supposed to be out apartment viewing, you’d be busy at work.

“Sir, I’m not sure if I’m the best candidate to be here with you? I’m not too well acquainted with fine dining”

Toji asked you to come with him on the pretext of making sure the merger was to be a success, but here you were on your 6th dish of the night in this extremely fancy restaurant with your boss

“Y/n I had to know the opinion of my employees about the menu, it also helps if it’s from a female perspective”

It wasn’t a total lie.

On other days your boss sent you out on stupid little errands that he knew would take up all your time.

“Sir, I’m terribly sorry but the shop said they didn’t have any of what you asked for and neither did any other of the shops you had on the list”

Of course they didn’t. Hell he just made up what he asked you to look for, clearly intending for you to spend as little time as possible to being with your boyfriend who was busy being seduced by none other than the real estate agent he highly recommended 🤭

But why you?

He had his reasons, many honestly. But ever since the day you accidentally spilled some of your iced coffee on his leather shoes and you bent down to wipe it for him, he knew he liked the sight of you on your knees.

Now, Toji simply dangled a treat for Suguru to take, it’s not his fault that your boyfriend took it right?

Your thoughtful boss was doing you a favor. If your boyfriend truly loved you, he wouldn’t have taken the bait.

~

It was at your wedding that Suguru was forced to attend, and it was during dinner when he hears Naoya talking about that hot real estate agent with the big tits, saying he thought for sure Toji was gonna fuck her but instead he’s a married man now. And that’s when it clicks. Your ex boyfriend realizes it was a set up.

Fucking hell. He lost you but he couldn’t do anything about it now, not with the fact that you were now married and he was all too guilty for fucking the real estate agent.

He comes home and she’s already getting ready to undo his belt, “did Toji Fushiguro send you?”

“Huh?” She says with a puzzled expression, “oh Naoya’s cousin? Yeah they told me you were in the market for a new apartment” she says as she takes his balls in her mouth

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Suguru thinks to himself. Toji set him up.

~

You wake up to big strong muscular arms holding you as your dear husband sleeps soundly. You give him a few kisses and cuddle up more into his chest. Toji loves waking up like this. It was well worth destroying your 6 year relationship. After all, it’s all for the best <3

Honestly, Toji is so manipulative in this whole story, he’s lowkey a home-wrecker but he justifies it by saying he’s treating you better than your ex could ever

If it wasn’t obvious yet, in this au, Suguru is a boobs > ass guy (I’m planning to write Satoru as a boobs < ass guy) :p

[jelafclie]

⤷ “ if i love you , is that a fact or a weapon? “ m. atwood

—————————————————————

⟳ what a lovely reaction

i’m so looking forward to

strangulating you

———————————————————————

⟳ our fate will

not end in a place

like this

——————————————————

[+18] warnings include nsfw language, cussing, england, and implied assault.

> [ LOGGED IN ] > [ make a post ] > [ recording ]

RECORDING ONE :

“fuck off. i told you not to call me that stupid dog name.” / “hehehe. mr. sparky, my life partner—“ / “I TOLD YOU TO STOP TELLING PEOPLE I’M YOUR FUCKING LIFE PARTNER.” / “we’re not dating what do you want, chibi-san” / “ANYTHING BUT THAT FUCKIN-“

. end of recording .

RECORDING TWO :

“let me fucking handle this.” / *moaning sounds from background* “ye- yes, yes, i’ll be a good boy.”/ BONK ! / “you tacky piece of shit, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE ARE NOT FUCKING…” / “I was just reading from your tumblr smut—“ / BONK! SMASH! CRACK! / “SOMEONE HELP ME, DADDY IS BEING MEAN—“ / “SHUT THE FUCK UP, THIS IS SERIOUS. I TOLD YOU THAT IN FUCKING CONFIDENCE NOT TO SAY ON OUR BLOG—“ / “DADDY WANTS ME TO BEHAVE BECAUSE I’VE BEEN NAUGHTY! I CAN BE GOOD. YOU WANT TO SEE?” / “BITC—“

. end of recording .

RECORDING THREE :

“hehehe my plan worked, guys. chuuya used up all his energy, cursing at me until he made sure i was comfortable in the bed hehehe. L for dom losers so now i can introduce the blog.” / *mumbling between snores* “i should really fuck you out until you become mute.” / “unfortunately for chibi-san, he can never make me mute. he should know this. i am dazai osamu and the man who is sleeping from exhaustion is chuuya nakahara. we thought it would be good to make a podcast where we talk about our philosophical viewpoints about random media because well…. we can !!!! my main man says we have to start it with an introduction, and a general idea of what the content warnings are despite i said it is completely kid friendly and chuuya said, i quote, “nothing you fucking do is kid friendly, you slimy piece of shit.”. So from the list chuuya made, it says we’re “+18”-? CHUUYA!”

. end of recording .

RECORDING FOUR :

“bitch made me fuck him so i would get tired and woke me up cuz he thought we’ll record his fucking moans. I AM NEVER FUCKING HIM AGAIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD.” / “watch me get you to shut me up.” / *sigh* “if you don’t shut the fuck up—“ / “you’ll punch me-? that always leads into make up sex.” / “if you don’t shut the fuck UP, I will call a london real estate company to buy a home so you will not see me for months on end.” / “… baby, i love you. i don’t mean any of it. just don’t go to england, the english are a white species set on destroying civilization-“ / “good. asshole. anyways, warnings include anything dazai says which consist of his shitty suicide talk & cynicism, & my cursing & possible vulgarity. please if you are under the age of 18, do not interact with this blog. please if you cannot handle what is mentioned in the warnings before every podcast, do not interact. this is a study in media that includes dissecting taboo concepts and to preserve your sanity if anything is triggering, do not interact. thank you for listening to je la folie & i hope you enjoy our shit.”

. end of recording .

Je La Foile is a podcast distributed by jelafclie on tumblr and not licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International License.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

to build a home

a/n: just something small i cooked up while i work on something big for the end of the month. part of same mistakes-verse

summary: Coyote and Hangman buy a home

warnings: swearing, unedited, alcohol mentions

word count: 1.1k

You slam the paper down next to the stove where Coyote’s cooking, earning a curious glance from him. 

“What is this?” He asks, taking the paper from you. 

“It’s the listing for the house next to mine and Bradley’s. I think you should buy it.” 

Bradley groans from behind you, where he sits at Jake and Javy’s kitchen table. Jake sighs, pushing himself off of the countertop, coming to stand next to you. He sets his hands on your shoulder, giving them a little shake. 

“You know that I love and adore you.” You nod. “Absolutely not.” 

It’s your turn to groan as you step out of Jake’s hold. “Why the fuck not? You’ve both been talking about wanting to buy a house for a while now, it’s in your price range, it’s in a good neighborhood, it’s right next to me, I’m not seeing any cons here.” 

Coyote chuckles, turning the stove off. “We’ll think about it.” 

-

“So?” You prompt, bouncing up and down on your heels as Coyote looks at the empty space. He’d nudged Jake into coming into looking at the house, but asked the real estate agent to come by the house a second time by himself. 

He sighs, sticking his hands in the pockets. “It’s a really nice place.” 

You nod, looking around. “Same floor plan as our house but the owners put a lot of effort into renovating this place. Practically brand new.” 

He nods, moving to look out the sliding glass doors. “I like that it has a huge backyard.” 

You hum, moving to stand next to him. “Only a fence separates us.” 

He tilts his head. “We could always take it out.” 

“Oh, they’d hate that.” You say, referencing your partners. He chuckles, turning away from the backyard. 

“When has that ever stopped us?” 

You nod your head in acknowledgement of his statement, turning to watch Javy roam around the space. 

“Surprised you didn’t drag Jake back for a second look. My opinion doesn’t really matter much here.” You say after he walks around in circles for a few moments. The nice hardwood beneath his feet gleams underneath the bright LED light in the center of the room, something you’re sure they’d change if they bought this place. 

He shrugs. “Jake actually didn’t have too many complaints. Loved the place actually.” 

“So what’s holding you up from making a bid?” 

He shrugs again, giving you a sheepish smile. “You’ve always been good at knocking my head on straight.” You raise an eyebrow in silent question and he sighs. “I just- it’s crazy to me that Jake and I could actually buy this place. This could be our home.” 

“And that’s a bad thing?” 

He shakes his head. “No, not a bad thing. Just- do you think I’m making the wrong choice here? I mean, Jake and I aren’t even engaged and we’re thinking about buying a home together.” 

You cough awkwardly, looking away from Coyote. 

What Coyote didn’t know about Jake’s proposal plans wouldn’t hurt him.

He doesn’t notice, starting to pace again. “I mean- do you think I’m crazy?” 

You shake your head, taking a step closer to him. “Javy, you’ve lost me. Jake’s a great guy-”

“Never thought I’d hear you say that.” 

You shoot him a look, continuing on. “-and he’s good to you. Sure, you’re not engaged yet, but I mean if the right house comes up, what are you waiting for?” 

“You know, from the first moment we stepped into this place to tour it, it felt like, you know, this could be our forever home. I could see Jake and I growing old here, having kids here, getting a dog and maybe a fish or something but I just-” He shrugs, looking down at his feet. “I don’t know, I guess part of me is scared I could do all of that and we’d still fall apart.” He’s silent for  a moment before sucking in a deep breath. “I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid.” 

“I don’t think it’s stupid.” You say automatically. “Hi, remember who’re talking to?” 

He chuckles a little bit. “Yeah, but like, you had a reason to be that way. I don’t know, you guys are like, the perfect couple. I feel more at home at your house then probably anywhere else besides my place with Jake.” 

You sigh, taking a step closer to him. “You know what my Dad told me when I moved out of our place? A house is just four walls and a roof. A home is what the people inside of it make of it. You guys could make this place a home.” Javy watches you carefully as you reach out for him. “I think you guys should put a bid in for this place. Settle down, move out of that shitty apartment the two of you have been living in for way too long and start the next chapter. Get a dog, have kids, take out that fence so we can annoy the shit out of Bradley and Jake for the rest of our lives.” You see, squeezing him as your arms wrap around his middle. “I know that a new chapter can be terrifying. It’s easier to stay in what we know and what we’re comfortable with. But a new chapter is also so exciting.” 

He smiles, returning your hug. “This is exactly why I brought you.” 

You hum. “I know.” 

He laughs, letting you go and you smile, taking a step back.

-

“Listen, all I’m saying is that I need new kids to be the cool aunt for. Payback’s kids are getting older, Elijah’s in high school now.” 

Fanboy chuckles into his beer as Jake sighs with fond exasperation, crossing his arms. “I can not just start adopting kids because you want me to.” 

You scrunch your nose, picking up your wine glass. “Oh don’t hide it Seresin, you want kids so bad.” 

“You also want another dog. Doesn’t mean you’re gonna get that any time soon either.” 

“Hey, Buddy, needs a brother. Or a sister.” You say as the dog in question comes pattering into the kitchen, toy plane in mouth. Fanboy’s face lights up as he pulls the golden retriever into his arms. You laugh and shake your head at the sight, Fanboy’s arms overflowing with all 66 pounds of Buddy, who is happily wagging his tail, always content with the attention Fanboy gives him. 

Someone places a key next to you and you glance up, catching Coyote. “What is this?”

He sighs. “That’s your house key.” 

You raise an eyebrow. “What?” 

“To our new place. That’s your key.” Jake says. 

Your eyes widen as your head swings between the two men. “Are you serious? You guys got the place next door?” 

They both nod, confirming your questions. 

“Wait, that’s so fucking awesome, I-” 

Your sentence is interrupted by Bradley entering the kitchen, catching sight of Fanboy and Buddy. “Fanboy…” He sighs. 

“I just love your dog, okay!” Fanboy shouts defensively, voice slightly muffled from the dog’s fur. 

“I hope you know we’re taking the fence out.” You saying, fiddling with the key. 

Both Jake and Bradley’s heads snap up. “No.”

[theygotbitchesinmedia]

ask dump

i have a couple dozen unanswered asks on this blog, most of which i believe are media recommendations, so i'm going to go through those now in a batch!

if you haven't seen it already We Are Lady Parts would be a fantastic recommendation for this blog. I started it last week and really love it. It's about a struggling punk Muslim girls band who recruit the extremely anxious, goody-two-shoes Amina to be their lead guitarist. It balance its moments of drama really well with the comedy and all of the women in the band get to be deeply weird in different and endlessly charming ways. My favorite is Amina because of her very relatable habit to have elaborate silly daydreams about anything and everything. Good show with some really good women!

I've heard good things about this one! Adding it to the list

I can't remember if you take recs for things in progress or not but the webtoon Katlaya Rising is currently the high point of my week, the art style POPS and it is jam-packed with girls and girls who love girls

I will always read things in progress 👍 I honestly in some ways prefer getting into stuff before it's finished. Like an animal with one of those food bowls that stops you from eating too fast. Added to the list.

Please read Villain Initialization!!!! The female characters are really good!!!!!!!!!

Looking at the cover and description for this one it seems like most of the female cast is gonna be side characters. i'll add it to the list but itll probably be reallllly back burner unless someone wants to go to bat hard for it and sway me

if youre taking recommendations bittersweet con panna is a cute yuri manhwa and hacks is an insane tvshow about millenial comedy writer who got cancelled on twitter and a beautiful old standup comic about to lose her vegas residency.

added both! never heard of bittersweet con panna but my sister has been going really hard for hacks and i feel like i owe it to her to watch that sooner rather than later because of all the media im always trying to force onto her

"Kevin Can F*** Himself" on AMC is fantastic and has some really interesting female protags, I recommend. Might be a similar vibe to On Becoming a God in Central Florida actually!

Already on the list!

i'd like to second the rec for no home, probably one of the greatest webtoons of all time

one moth ago anon i can safely say you were correct about this it is certainly one of the greatest webtoons of all time. i do think its not really About women but i get why you all wanted me to read it enough to push it

@whatasmoothgardener Reccing a short manga I've been reading recently called Is Kichijoji the Only Place to Live. Its a manga about twin girls who run a small real estate company in Tokyo from the POV of their clients. It has a unique art style, its female character focused, and it teaches you about the different places in Tokyo. However its kinda episodic.

I don't mind episodic at all. Cool to see female manga protags who arent stick thin! added to the list

@phoenixfangs i got into a webtoon the other day called nevermore and considered recommending it to u, but i second guessed myself like oh what if its not worth recommending and its stupid actually, BUT i had a dream last night that u were talking about it so i think i have to at least put it on ur radar, if it isnt already xD what happens if u take edgar allen poe stories and make it about lesbians? u get the webtoon nevermore ❤️ theres an actual Plot to it too im not trying to sell it based on tropes, i just cant describe it better than the actual synopsis/description on webtoon, so id say its worth a glance!

At first glance i'm not sure how to my personal tastes this owuld be but i feel like i have maybe been unfairly biased against popular webtoons in that front. added to the list !

@counttwinkula listen i know your "media to get around to" list is forever long but i reread the haunting of hill house (the book) for my podcast and eleanor and theodora just. won't stop touching each other. some of the most classic toxic yuri imo. also the 1963 film adaptation (the haunting) is so good

ill always appreciate a horror recommendation from one of my learned Horror Mutuals. added both!

if it changes anything, you can find the main stories of arknights and limbus company here and here respectively without downloading the game: [retcons dot github dot io slash limbus-storylogs] [akgcc dot github dot io slashcc slash story dot html hashtag main] (sorry it wont let me send links) i totally understand if u think its too much trouble, but i do think both games have very good female characters

I'm sorry... i just cant go down this road.... it's a path i'm not willing ot walk. if i was going to read the stories for a gacha game i wasn't playing i would just go read shoujo kageki revue starlight re:LIVE. which i havent been able to make myself do. so its just not gonna end up happening

have you heard of tangle tower… it’s a relatively short murder mystery click and point game about two families & their secrets. the art is gorgeous + the game is fully voiced, and the protagonist + his assistant have a dynamic that reminds me of the classic ace attorney ‘lawyer + weird girl’ duos. the majority of the cast are women, and the game features some of the Girls Of All Time. highly recommend, esp since you’re an ace attorney fan

Added to the list!

if you’re trying to flesh out the book section, i’d like to recommend three parts dead by max gladstone! admittedly it’s been a hot second since I’ve read it so i can’t speak on the quality of the writing itself, but the plot and the worldbuilding had some interesting stuff. the novel follows tara, a necromancer in a world where doing magic is more akin to being a lawyer, who’s hired to resurrect a god. the book is the first in a series, and the books that follow have some other interesting female protagonists + canonical queer women if you enjoy it o7

Sounds neat! Added to the list

ok i still have some more from back in fucking April that i didnt manage to get to. but im getting distracted now