#struggling to find a place to go

[sirfleetfoot]

RULES OF BEING OTHERKIN #1

Being authentic and true to yourself is the only way you are 'supposed to be/act like' (insert entity). If anyone else disagrees it only tells you about them.

[daily-hanamura]

Hanamura Yosuke's first appearance vs last

[disposal-blueeee]

from this thing lolz

ty to @cherry-207 for the idea !! XPP

vargas by zarla-s

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Howdy, Syn! Hope you’re doing well. I’ve got a fun little ask for you:

If you’ve got some spare time on your hands, I was wondering if there was a little (non-spoilery) detail in—well, any of your stories, I’m obsessed with all of them—that you really enjoy but don’t think anyone’s picked up on yet. If there is, I’d love to hear any ramblings on it 👀

Have a good one!

This ask is ages old but I’m working on chipping away at my backlog little by little. Since I’m in a pez dispenser debris kick right now, let’s look at that.

I honest to God can’t remember if I’ve discussed this before, so sorry if it’s redundant, but one of the main points of pez dispenser debris is that the conflict is Man v. Self to the exclusion of all else.

Like, to an extent, there’s a secondary conflict of Man v. Society, but that 1) primarily (but not entirely) exists in Izuku’s past and 2) feeds into the Man v. Self conflict by being the primary driver behind both Izukus’ actions.

I decided to eschew any kind of genuine conflict between Izuku and the people in his life because I didn’t for a second want the narrative to get confused by considerations about whether it was safe to have told his loved ones about his past.

I very easily could have chosen to explore a plot line where the people around him feel betrayed or question him. At the very least, Mirio could have had a moment of “what the fuck, man, I’ve spent my whole career being looked down on as the world’s Quirkless hero and you didn’t think to fucking mention you grew up Quirkless?”

Close to the entire class has been vulnerable with him. Todoroki told him about being abused his entire childhood. He knows about Uraraka’s financial traumas. Iida nearly killed that guy the one time. Kirishima made him look at that suspicious bump in the unfortunate place.

These are kids who have spent the past three years in the trenches together. They’ve been in actual, life or death scenarios since the age of 14-15, and the only thing that they could count on was each other. And then here they are, at the very end of it all, and they find out that the guy they’ve been trusting with their back the whole time seemingly didn’t trust them enough to tell them a single detail of his life before they met him.

They could have been a little more conflicted about the revelation. At the very least, they could have questioned deeper how their friend went from 0 Quirks to a suspicious amount of Quirks when they spent their entire time at school with Guy Whose Entire Thing Is Transferring Quirks And Like. Trying to Murder Kids Who Are Specifically Them took personal issue with every single field trip they’ve ever had.

But every single outside POV is like “obviously we can trust him. It’s Midoriya. Anywho I will now be questioning my own character because he can’t be the problem so it must be me.”

If I explored plot points like that, it would have divided the conflict’s attention between Man v. Self and Man v. Man. The plot would have to devote time and focus to resolving Izuku’s issues with his loved ones and regaining their trust, and that would have detracted from a major theme of this fic, which is that this wasn’t about not trusting the people around him. He didn’t tell them because of an internalized issue.

Midoriya trusted his friends with his life. This wasn’t about fear of them rejecting him because he grew up Quirkless. The conflict is with himself.

I also eliminated sources of external conflict by having it all come out to the entire class all at once. I didn’t want to waste plot resources on what Izuku would naturally do in this situation, which is try to hide the little shit by all means necessary and quarantine his very existence. There would be too much time and energy wasted on slowly revealing the truth to select members of the class one by one.

And don’t get me wrong, that could have been an interesting plot—it just wasn’t the one I wanted to write.

This fic is about having to grapple with the part of yourself that is still hurt and angry about it. The part that cannot process the past to the point where you fear it endangers your future. You want your trauma to just go away and not exist anymore, because things are better so it means you shouldn’t have to be them anymore.

The older Izuku wants the younger one to be gone. He wants him to, at the very least, stop talking about what happened in the past and accept the future for how it is, because he doesn’t want to lose what he’s gained. But in doing so he mirrors the denial of self his younger counterpart is being far more explicit about.

Because both versions of Izuku are refusing to believe the other is them.

Young Izuku is doing it in a very literal way. That guy ain’t me. He killed and replaced me. There is absolutely no way I am him. He refuses to accept that there is any version of him who could become like his older self.

But the older Izuku is doing the same thing, just in a less literal sense. Hes almost acting like his old self is somehow legitimately a distinct entity. He slips and says it to Aizawa—stop looking at me like I’m him. The older Izuku wants to just bulldoze over his past and pretend like it doesn’t belong to him, but it just doesn’t work that way.

That’s the conflict I wanted to capture for this fic. Just this absolute refusal to reconcile your past and your future because to do so would require processing the trauma you’ve been through. And so I cauterized off all other sources of conflict, because they’d just detract from what needed to be center stage.

[vaguely-concerned]

one thing I have to keep reremembering every time I'm playing a soulslike/similar kind of difficult game -- and that I wish I could internalize elsewhere in my life as well -- is that you always, always have to suffer through the long dark of an inexplicable failcringe era before you can emerge into a fresh new dawn of competence. faceplanting into humiliating failure in ways you hadn't even conceived of before on a loop can sometimes be the herald of great and wondrous things to come soon. don't be so quick to abandon yourself in the early murk of daybreak because you think you just suck!!!

[silvermoon424]

i'm so tired.

[teddybeartoji]

i have just ONE more big thing to do today and then i can fuck around in peace but oh my god it's so annoying .

[moonlume]

tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

[schmweed]

[la-galaxie-langblr]

Year abroad declaration of intent due in 12 days and I'm kind of freaking out about it 😭

[virsancte]

good days aren't easy to come by

[polyshodivorce]

Happy birthday Emu. My personal idea for how the Wonder Stage might be used after WxS disbands and Emu starts getting more hands on with running Phennyland is dedicating the stage as a starting place for beginners. People normally audition at PxL for the bigger troupes, but there will always be the ambitious amueturs who have that potential and passion but didn’t quite make the cut for the big stages. That’s where Emu comes in and offers them an opportunity at the Wonder Stage, just like she had given Tsukasa.

It’s to help people get on their feet and into the acting/performing scene but without the same pressure and expectations that come with joining larger troupes. Unlike WxS, the new troupes at the Wonder Stage don’t have to deal with all of the hurdles Emu and her friends had. Back then, it was entirely up to the four of them to keep that stage running, but now Phennyland is well off. She’ll cover everything, advertising, props, maintenance. It leaves the troupe with nothing to worry about and total freedom to manage their own shows/schedules how they want. The real focus and goal of the Wonder Stage is to help beginners build up some experience, to help nuture passions that might have previously never gotten the chance, to be somewhere accepting that brings any ideas they wish to life and then… Emu makes it her personal goal to help each and every one of them find opportunities at bigger stages or bigger roles outside of the Wonder Stage.

It’s a starting line. She doesn’t have to be scared of her Grandpa’s stage being torn down anymore, so she’s made it into a safe place for people to grow with the goal in mind… that they will someday outgrow it, but that’s not a bad thing and it’s nothing to fear, not anymore. After one person leaves, there will always be someone else who needs that supportive environment, an opportunity, her help to make others smile. She’s there to tend to buds before they bloom, the cocoon for caterpillars, it’s a place for anyone, young and old, talented or inexperienced, determined or hobbyist, to come and go when it suits them best—

Becuase she’s learned that the smiles created at the Wonder Stage and Pheonix Wonderland shouldn’t end there, she wants those smiles to stay on their faces as they leave and go out into the world to spread those happy feelings everywhere.

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Some mild existential dread in the house today

[darcyolsson]

oh my god last night my friend drunkenly confessed to me that she had been feeling very lonely these past few months and i told her i'd been feeling the exact same and we were both kind of shocked bc we both felt like the other person was doing amazing (which also kept both of us from reaching out, bc the other person seemed busy and intimidatingly happy) and it was this really weird moment which felt like smth from a play or something. like real life dramatic irony. and the craziest part is that she literally lives a two minute walk away from me too so we were literally having our simultaneous lonely breakdowns across the street from each other. so i guess what im trying to say is check on your friends and dont believe social media

[piecesofchess]

Been debating redesigning Ettore this year. There are parts I love about his design, and I have yet to reveal his backstory + mask. It'll still be the same, but I'm thinking of changing him visually just a lil bit.

Kind of want to match these vibes, honestly

[torgawl]

i think what hits most about nobara's backstory is everything that's left unsaid and peaks from between the lines. it's the fact you can easily infer that something was wrong without ever having clear answers on what exactly was wrong. but if you can relate to the feeling of wanting to escape a place and the alienation from everyone around you, especially when you're brought up in small communities, then you can certainly understand, if not fully then partially, nobara herself and the struggles she might have had to face all by herself for a very long time; maybe even the importance fumi and saori had in her life and the pain from having to part from them; and, perhaps the selectiveness in letting people in that she later on develops as well.