#stream-of-consciousness rant
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@0-k-4 this is getting way too long so i'm putting it in a reblog under the cut bc it's. i'm insane sorry. also quick disclaimer this is maybe a bit of a harsh rant bc i really felt like this movie was treating me like an idiot so i'm just a little bit annoyed but i don't think anyone is dumb or wrong if they liked it or thought it was good. honestly i'm not even sure it's objectively bad rn i just. really really did not enjoy it. and most of my complaints are about stuff that i can see were intentional choices it's just that i don't respect most of these god bless. ANYWAY
my problem with the repetition is that it's on literally every level. the scenes themselves are unending and just doubling tripling every action or sequence when it really doesn't need to be every single time. and when you think it's done there's another one just restating the main point right after. and everything is just insisting on shit i already got like the few lines of dialogue are mostly spent restating things the completely unsubtle symbolism already told us same goes for the sound design the way it's shot EVERYTHING for example that one scene in the end where she reinjects the substance in herself and there's the line "please give me a better version of myself" which was. so unnecessary to me like i get what she's doing i get the point of this substance and why she's using it and we've heard that so many times already you don't have to spell it out like that!!! there's nothing more to this line than just restating the point!! i'm not fucking stupid just have some faith in having a scene speak for itself for once!!!!! and i can enjoy not so subtle things sometimes sometimes it's good and interesting to be on the nose but for me it really didn't feel like the themes or commentary or whatever were expanded at all outside of. plainly stating them once and then just repeating them for the entire runtime. it just constantly felt like the movie was hitting me over the head with the same shit over and over again asking did you get it? did you get the point about beauty standards and body dysmorphia and female self-hatred? the point mostly being that those are things that exist did you get that did you get that we're talking about that. also did you get how hot sue is bc if not here's another shot of her ass.
and i GET that the ass shots are there for a reason but i just don't think it was executed well sorry like the point about her repeating the same cycle of social pressure does not work very well considering how she doesn't have any interactions with female characters ever (i'll come back to this later). and it just undermines scenes that could have been way stronger like the part where she dreams (?) that a chicken leg pops up in her butt and the whole crew goes to look at the camera that was zoomed in on her ass to see if they find anything strange. and the sequence of all these men very seriously investigating a close-up of her body and going over it in slow-mo was very much supposed to be extremely uncomfortable and make it obvious just how much she's being treated like an object to be ogled but. the movie was already doing that for the past twenty minutes so personally it just didn't really hit like. who cares. they're looking at her ass ok bitch me too bc you the director put a camera there for five minutes straight right before this. again i don't think that's completely unintentional i could see that it's because you're also supposed to re-examine how her new perfect life was presented until then and interrogate your position as the audience or whatever (though i do always find that a little annoying considering that i. don't have any say in that like oooughg isn't it fucked up to sexualize the women on tv well sure but i'm not the one with the camera and editing software here.) but idk to me it's just. TOO insistent on that spends way too long just repeating it over and over again and it just ended up feeling condescending to me. and that's just to exemplify that phenomenon basically every little isolated point was like that for me just so repetitive and felt like i was being talked down to constantly. idk it pissed me off
also and that's more personal preference but i didn't like how. individualized? everything felt from a narrative standpoint. like the fact that elisabeth/sue doesn't have any interactions outside of the men who either desire or exploit her and even those are super underdeveloped. so everything she goes through feels very internalized and mostly coming from herself and. sure there's the catalyst of losing her job and overhearing what the guy says but that's really it once she comes back as sue she's unconditionally seen as perfect and that just goes on for the rest of the runtime there's not really any consistent pressure or pushback that could explain how you get to the point elizabeth got to. like again i know the extreme contrast is the point but i just don't think presenting something like this as "one day you're young and pretty and nobody says anything to you ever and the next you're 50 and basically everything's over just like that" is. the most interesting route. idk i believe in gradual shifts i think that kind of immense pressure makes itself known at more points in your career including the very beginning like being told she should smile once in a while is not. the worst it gets even when you're at the height of fame!! there's just not enough external factors for meeee and the way sue gets everything handed to her (+ as an example the scene where her neighbor comes over to complain abt the noise and then immediately walks back on it when he sees she's hot) felt really reminiscent of the whole belief misogynists have that being a young pretty woman is the easiest way to live life. and i guess it could be satire of that very idea but idkk it did not feel like the movie was really deconstructing that in any way since the very destructive consequences she gets at the end are really just because of her own actions and choices. and again i get that part of the point is about self-hatred and your own body image (+ i heard some pretty interesting stuff about this aspect so i could admit at least there's Something there) so it's normal if she's mostly doing shit on her own but idk it's just not a direction i enjoy a lot with smth that presents itself as social commentary like ok girl but where's the "social". i don't think it's bad necessarily to focus on personal responsability bc in the end it is true that she chose to do that but i just wish there was. more. about the context or whatever. more nuance and variety in characterization especially of the audience especially especially of her boss the crew all the industry stand-ins they're all such. cartoonish caricatures that for me it makes most of the criticism feel really weak and secondary to the rest that's essentially "elizabeth gets really old and gross bc her hotter self exploits her to stay rich and famous". like the plastic surgery angle is really mostly focused on how SHE's fucking up her body and never really adresses the entire industry behind that that has a very concrete financial motive to keep women insecure and make it so that having some kind of procedure done really early on is currently a hollywood standard (like you genuinely do not get anywhere without that rn. more or less everyone you see on screen has had smth done) and yeah women do participate in that in the sense that they're not literally coerced to do it but it's still. i just don't think focusing your criticism mostly on the individual really gets us anywhere! (and again the "she's perpetuating the same beauty standards bc she's currently profiting off of it" point falls flat for me bc of the lack of other female characters. i think that to really make a point about that kind of influences and interactions and projections of an ideal you need to compare and contrast at least a little bit.) especially if your movie is TWO HOURS AND A HALF you can afford to spend a little more time on different things!!!!
bc for me that lack of. well everything else ended up presenting the issue of getting plastic surgery or other "artificial" ways of modifying your body to fit strict beauty standards as mainly "if you do it too much you'll end up even uglier in the long run" which is not. a take i think is. good? and again i could see that they're trying to satirize this exact thing at least a little bit (i actually think the ending works pretty well in that regard like everyone freaking out and calling her a monster is on some points a really good representation of how people do turn on celebrities who've had things done once they're old and it gets more noticeable, the whole focus on "botched surgeries" etc that's a very real and common reaction. but again i didn't think it was executed very well bc it tries to do both that AND the moment where she gets through and is acclaimed with the fucking poster on her face for me the point once again got really muddied and it's just. a shame!!!!) but when the main horror of the movie IS how monstrous she gets in the end and how unnaturally old elizabeth gets throughout it, for me it's just. a little bit hard to really distinguish between satire and just perpetuating the very same thing. like in the end it's the same problem i had with x, how meaningful can your commentary on ageism in the entertainment industry/society in general and the lengths we go to to avoid looking visibly old really be when the aged features of your character are one of the main sources of your horror and are constantly presented as gross and scary and horrifying? tbh i don't think there's a fixed answer to that, like maybe that's just a personal hang-up i have here and i can accept that other people would think this works well but for me it was too much. straightforward hagsploitation to really make the "it's fucked up that old women get discarded like that" sound entirely sincere instead it mostly felt like "it's fucked up that 50 yo demi moore who's still super fit and hot got put under so much pressure that she ended up ACTUALLY old and gross". aynway. i don't know. maybe it just wasn't for me maybe it's really good and i just fundamentally disagreed with the angle it used to get at most things. i still think it was annoyingly condescending and that the pacing was terrible and ruined a lot of things tho <3
ok i'm FINALLY done. quick first impressions on the substance bc i need to rethink some stuff but: the actual horror was great loved the concept loved the designs loved the horrible horrible things and the general metaphor is good on paper. everything else about this movie is dumb as shit it did not work for me at ALL
#if you read all that i'm genuinely sorry but also thank you it's driving me insane a little bit.#i'm considering putting together a more uh. coherent review on letterboxd or whatever. idk if it'll be any shorter but less of a#stream-of-consciousness rant#idk. i've only been using it to keep track of things so far and that's better for the brain i know that but i. i can't take this anymore#i'm glad others have fun but you're all liking this A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH FOR ME#and i need to spew my hate. even if i'm alone on this hill
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[this became much longer than i intended whoops]
u know i think it would’ve been much better if the ode of resurrection was not shown to us immediately, and wasn’t a main part of their culture. have people die throughout the archon quest, make us believe that there’s no saving them. kill off kachina at the start and convince us that she’s the first playable character in genshin thats not alive.
build up these bonds, forge these friendships, make us care.
just to take it all away
that’s war.
but there’s a tiny flame, that glimmer of hope. maybe it’s something the pyro archons have been working on, passing it down to their successors. something mavuika has been working on. yeah u heard that right she’s actually doing something wow get citlali in there to help out. get the whole goddamn tribe involved idc
there’s a scramble to find the last of the heroes. they don’t want to force it or fuck something up but they’re running out of time. the abyss is coming. it will consume the nation. they need to fucking buckle up and get down to it.
they could probably still go into the night kingdom to search for kachina, so that mualani can get her ancient name. or it can occur under entirely different circumstances. haven’t given that much thought yet. do they find her?
do they find her and can’t actually bring her back to the surface?
for the next part, we’re gonna have to shake things up because we need the captain on our team sooner rather than later. how that happens is up in the air but regardless, we put aside our differences to save natlan.
so, we help the captain find old dragon tech. maybe we enlist the help of kinich and ajaw, maybe we go into ochkanatlan, tie some of that shit in. we can take iansan along too, who is super duper strong and can carry all our fancy dragon tech or smth idk the three of them need more involvement !!! ajaw would drive me up the wall but it’s a necessary evil
in ochkanatlan, we see how the abyss can mimic lifeforms. the twin is in irminsul right? maybe it’s steals the twin’s image, but the traveler knows it’s not them because their twin would never say things like this. we learn that they abyss manifestations are (always?) twisted and mutilated.
we see the dragon. we don’t defeat it, that’s for the world quest lol but we get the image of the dragon in our minds so that when it shows up later down the line, we know what the fuck is happening lol
on our trip, we learn bits and pieces about the captain. it’s all disconnected, nothing makes sense. and since we’re nosey little fuckers, we find correspondence with the tsaritsa in his belongings.
capitano is gentle with his body. maybe a little too gentle. it catches the traveler’s eye but they don’t know what it means, they have no grounds for suspicion. it’s blown off as recovering from his duel with mavuika. (little do we know that he was hit directly in the heart and he’s worried, goddamnit)
ororon lets it slip that something feels off with the captain’s soul. (could the captain be using ororon’s sensitivities to monitor the souls housed inside him? would he eventually tell ororon what’s going on? or would that be too risky?)
ororon receives ancient name same as before, nothing really needs to change there i suppose. more suspicion is thrown on the captain because of the identity of the soul trying to possess ororon. maybe the captain didn’t share his plan in its entirety, he has a lot riding on this, he can’t afford to fuck it up, and keeps his cards close to his chest. he and mavuika can still argue in front of ororon like mom and dad lol
chuychu dies. she doesn’t get to give a long goodbye. she bleeds out in her sister’s arms. (they actually try to stop the bleeding and give her medical care) chasca goes berserk hell yeah, there’s a struggle. she manages to rein herself in, the love between sisters reigns supreme. chasca gets her ancient name
boom u got all ur heroes. they supercharge mavuika to beat back the abyss core thing. what was its name? gilgamesh? i don’t fucking know
the losses are extreme
fast forward a bit bc i’m losing steam and attention span here
we dive back into the night kingdom to track down the “brain” of the abyss corruption. the people we’ve met and lost in natlan help us out. kachina can be added to the mix. the gay lovers, chuychu and her pokémon team, boba and coconut — the whole gang’s here yooo i actually loved this part. favorite section by far
and after our trip in ochkanatlan, we know that the dragon we’re fighting is an abyssal manifestation. the voices of the previous pyro archons are their own but the words are all wrong, designed to discourage and distress us.
we defeat it using the power of friendship (i’m gonna kms)
also mavuika’s kit is completely different. i’m giving her a redesign fuck it. but that’s a post for another time.
traveler seems pretty good ngl i just wish the cons aren’t limited to fighting the dragon. i really liked what i was seeing and then they pooped all over my party (what’s the point!!!)
instead of a big parade, we gather around together at the stadium to finally try the thing all the pyro archons have been cooking. the heroes are a necessary component.
the incandescent ode of resurrection
among the many, kachina comes out of the flames. mualani sobs her heart out and vows to never let her out of her sight ever again
chuychu perhaps? 👀 pls pls she’s the only one besides cap and ororon that i give a shit about pllssssss playable chuychu when? her design is fantastic as is u dont need to touch it PLEASE—
now we can have a party!! after everything is all said and done, we can have One party instead of the five or so we’ve had since we came to natlan. (nation of war? more like nation of fiestas)
ororon, though, feels uneasy, and not because of the atmosphere. he says he’s going to find the captain, but he can’t explain why. concerned, the traveler and paimon try to follow him but are intercepted by citlali, who is for once not freaking out about ororon’s whereabouts, instead…
oh but wait. where’s mavuika gone? oh nooo
plays out relatively the same i suppose. could use some tweaking but not anything significant enough to mention right now.
except now we have somewhat of an understanding of the captain already, all the little bits and pieces we noticed, and the clues we (so rudely) discovered, it’s all starting to make sense now. we’ve also spent more time w him, the emotional attachment runs deeper, and it’s much more painful to experience.
bittersweet
mavuika is confused, especially in the days coming after. she had planned to die then. she said her goodbyes in a roundabout way. she finished the painting of her family, so they’ll never be forgotten. she saved her nation from the oppression of the abyss, resurrected so, so many. there was only one thing left to do… she was supposed to be the one to do it.
what does she do now?
what does she do with herself now, when she hadn’t planned for her own future? it was supposed to end, she was supposed to die. could she have reunited with her family? could she have seen them once again? she’s sad over what could have been, she’s confused because how did it end up like this, she’s mad because the captain stole it from her, she’s guilty because he was ultimately the better choice
what do you do when you’ve spent hundreds of years waiting for your destined day? when you’re only ambition has been this.
it’s time to learn how to live.
the end~
#this is a proof of concept and a stream of consciousness more than anything#so don’t take it all that seriously#but still. we had some good puzzle pieces but their placement was haphazard#i’m fairly certain i forgot a good few important bits but eh. what can u do this is just a ramble#a rant disguised as a storyline#genshin spoilers#5.3 spoilers#archon quest spoilers#natlan spoilers#genshin rewrite#what if i just wrote my own fic then what#that’d be so much fucking work tho OOF#it’s not just mavuika who needs character revision 😵💫#and keeping all the lore straight… brother i simply could not#do i tag all the characters i guess perhaps i should#sigh here goes#mavuika#capitano#ororon#kinich#kachina#mualani#citlali#xilonen wasnt mentioned here but i’d make her less of an insane tony stark#also more harbinger lore. if we’re reading capitano’s diary then imma ask him about his coworkers too hell yeah
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Fitting In - or The Lack Thereof (A Stream of Consciousness Essay?)
I often think about my place under the label of therianthropy and the way I often feel like I still don't quite fit in. It's odd - I can blame that feeling on a lot of things, but none of them seem to give the full story behind it.
Maybe I don't fit in because I'm an adult, and so many therian spaces are filled with kids. There's definitely some truth to that, but then I go into therian spaces with solely adults and I still feel like I don't quite fit in.
Maybe I don't fit in because I don't experience the act of shifting between a more human and a more animal state, and so much of the therian experience seems to be focussed on what it's like to shift. And there's some truth to that too, but there are plenty of therians who don't shift at all, and I still feel like I don't quite fit in with them either.
Maybe I don't fit in because I only have one theriotype. Which is ridiculous, because a lot of folks only have one theriotype... And I still don't quite fit in with them either.
Maybe I don't fit in because I'm a contherian with experiences that have stayed steady through my entire life, from practical infancy up to now 25 years later. But there are other contherians out there, and I still don't quite fit in with them either.
Or maybe it's because of my anymic identity - inherently I won't quite fit in with anyone because my species identity doesn't really match anyone else's, let alone anything that is known to exist. But it's still not quite that either, because there are lots of anymic therians experiencing what it's like to be something without name and potentially without equal, and I still feel like I don't quite fit in with them.
In reality it's probably a mixture of all of those things, but that still doesn't seem to be the answer. In all of those cases I still should fit in somewhere, and yet here I am, feeling like I don't.
The question of whether or not my identity's "origins" have anything to do with why I still feel like I don't belong has definitely crossed my mind a few times - so many folks can fit theirs into neat categories as past lives, spiritual, psychological, etc., but I'm certainly not one of them. Somehow it feels like I am all of those and also none of them at the same time.
I feel like maybe I was just born with the wrong soul in the wrong body - that's spiritual for sure. And I feel like maybe my brain is just completely and totally wired wrong - that's psychological. But there's something else. Something not quite spiritual and not quite mental.
I started to wonder if maybe I'd feel more at home with the holotheres and physical therians, but no, definitely not there either - I understand that I'm in a human body, I am under no impression that I currently physically am my theriotype in any way (and my species dysphoria won't let me forget that). So it's not really a current physical identity. I'm also under no impression that I can physically transform into my theriotype in any way, so it isn't Clinical Lycanthropy either.
There is something viscerally physical about it, though. I never really believed that I could physically transform or that this body was entirely nonhuman, but I absolutely believed that someday I would break free from my human skin and become my nonhuman self. I believed it lived just underneath my skin and that when I became an adult, it would emerge and I would be free from my human existence. Obviously that never happened, as I sit here 25 still painfully human in shape and form - and painful it is, as my body has seemed to continuously deteriorate as I grow. What started as just severe asthma and immunodeficiency transformed into multiple physical disabilities over the years.
My disabilities, my chronic illnesses, these have nothing to do with my nonhuman identity. Logically, I know that. Emotionally, it feels like my body is rebelling against its own existence, as if it is rejecting the mind and the soul that are so unfit for living within it, willing to sacrifice itself in the name of eliminating the viruses that are the spirit and brain that don't belong inside it. This is one of those experiences that I can confidently say I have never seen mirrored in the alterhuman community in any way - maybe i just haven't been in the right spaces to hear about it, or maybe it's just too heavy of a topic for most folks to talk about, or maybe I really am alone in this experience.
Circling back to my younger self's belief that my nonhuman self physically existed just underneath my human skin, I can't blame them for feeling that way. This is another experience that seems either non-existent or extremely rare in the community: my phantom appendages feel nothing like what most folks describe them as. I feel them in their full forms, but those full forms feel ghostly - they "clip" through things, I am fully aware that they aren't actually there. That in and of itself seems to be a fairly common experience... but for me it's combined with another sensation. I can feel these things - the wings, the tail, the claws, the teeth, the ears - as if they are physically trying to push through my skin. It's not pain, but it's a strange sort of pressure. I wish I could explain it better, but... just imagine. Imagine feeling as though there are other limbs or different appendages just beneath your skin, pushing to break free, constantly, all the time, every day, for as long as you can remember. It's uncomfortable, it's awkward, and it gets even more uncomfortable when the ghostly versions of the limbs "clip" through things. A signal seems to get sent from where they phase through whatever they're phasing through, all the way to the point where I feel like the physical versions are trying to push out from - that results in an even more uncomfortable tingling/pulsing sensation, both from that basal point and from wherever the "clipping" is happening. This kind of an experience is another one that I have not yet seen mirrored in the community - whether or not others experience it, I don't know, but it's a point of mental contention for me. Others explain their phantom shifts and I just cannot actually relate to it. I feel like what I experience is so fundamentally different, and it's another reason why I often feel like an outsider in the community.
As I continue to ruminate on this feeling of not belonging in a community that I should belong in, I come up with so many answers - like the way I've always known I was nonhuman but how my exact species identity, despite having many consistencies between them all, was so difficult to figure out, and how I still feel like I don't have a full grasp on exactly what it looks like. Every time I try to imagine exactly what it looks like, the image is blurry, shadowy, not quite whole - I can make out the vague shape, I can see its golden yellow eyes, but that's about it. And then I wonder if maybe this thing must be some kind of a past life identity, maybe I'm seeing it through its own eyes, not quite able to recognize itself beyond the most basic shape and the eyes, but it doesn't feel like a past life. It doesn't feel like a current or future life either, though. It just feels like the life I was supposed to be living, a life I keep running and reaching toward but always falling short.
And then I think about the way the community talks about shifting, or the lack thereof. As I said, I don't shift, I just constantly experience everything all the time. But what I mean by that seems so different from others. Other contherians exist as both human and nonhuman simultaneously - I seem to exist solely as nonhuman, only human in physical form, and via masking. When I fully allow myself to unmask, there is nothing human about me other than my body. Those who have seen it will attest. It's disturbing to witness, it's uncanny - it skips past cringe and dives straight into "would be seen in a horror movie" territory, apparently. The way I move, the way I react, the way I sound (if making any sound at all), the way I stand (or don't stand, if I'm somewhere where I can physically be on all fours), I become something seen as monstrous in the eyes of orthohumans and alterhumans alike. It isn't my species identity that is monstrous - on the contrary, my species identity poses little to no threat to humans - but I suppose it comes down to the idea of the uncanny valley. When I fully unmask, it becomes glaringly obvious that I am something inhuman in a human's body. I have seen the reactions some nonhuman identifying folks have had to me being mostly unmasked - in the case of one, seeing me fully unmasked - and it becomes clear that, even though none of us identify as human, there is something different about my identity. There is something fundamentally different about the way I experience it.
I want so badly to know that my experience isn't the only one of its kind, I want so badly to know that i have a place in this community (and that I have a place in this world, frankly), but I keep trying, and I keep coming back over and over to the realization that what I go through lies in some liminal space where I definitely don't fit in with orthohumans but I don't quite fit in with other nonhuman identifying folks either.
I'm not leaving the community, it's still the closest I have to finding others even vaguely like me, but I fear that "out of place" feeling will never go away. That I'll never actually find the place where I really belong.
#I have no idea if any of this makes any sense and there's probably a lot more I could say about each individual thing but.#I've been wanting to write something like this for so long and only just now got around to doing it lol#stream of consciousness essay#aka rant and ramble#therian#nonhuman#otherkin#alterhuman#contherian#anymic
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When I first heard that a new Endless Ocean was going to be released, I was incredibly excited. Just absolutely over-the-moon excited. You see, Endless Ocean 2: Blue World (also called Endless Ocean 2: Adventures of the Deep) is one of my favourite games of all time. Scratch that: it is my favourite game. It was far from perfect, but I loved it dearly and happily sank hundreds if not thousands of hours into it.
EO2 is a diving game for the wii that was released in 2010, and I have never been able to find a game quite like it. The main story was a bit cheesy, but charming and engaging, with a bevy of likeable if occasionally one-note characters, and the game itself had surprising depths (diving pun fully intended). The game had 12 different diving maps in 6 locations and while the specific areas were fictitious, they were based on very real places (the South Pacific, Mediterranean Sea, Red Sea, Arctic and Antarctic Oceans, as well as a freshwater river in the Amazon) and this was reflected in the species found in each area, with a few exceptions here and there. You could explore shallow coral reefs, a sunken castle, ancient temples, abyssal depths, a kelp forest, sandy beaches, riverbanks, hidden coves with murals, and much more. You also had a small private island as a hub location, a personal reef you could decorate, and a public aquarium which you could fill with any of the non-legendary species you discovered.
Speaking of which, the game featured 340 different species of marine and freshwater fish, sharks, rays, marine mammals, penguins, shore birds, reptiles, crustaceans, cephalopods and other invertebrates. Some of these also had different models for young or different genders. You could find truly miniscule species that most other diving games overlook entirely in zoom-spots (such as gobies and nudibranchs), and you could interact with most by feeding, touching or even riding in the case of large marine life. And on top of this you could also find legendary creatures, which could be individuals of extant species with unusual colouring or size, or even extinct species, and could be exceedingly hard to find but entirely rewarding.
This is already getting to be much too long but on top of all this you could customize your diver character, buy things for your island hub, decorate and populate a private reef to propagate and release fish, create various aquarium exhibits, discover a great many side-quests, upgrade equipment, take and sell photographs, heal sick animals, search for and sell salvage, find collectable coins, train dolphin partners, take requests for guided tours, dolphin shows, salvage and photos, dodge or placate aggressive sharks, and more that I am probably forgetting. It’s been a while since I’ve played the game, as I no longer have a wii and don’t have the first clue on how to emulate games on my PC. All this is to say that this game was something special, and I have never been able to find anything remotely close to it. And seeing as how the last one was released almost 15 years ago, I had long given up hope for an Endless Ocean 3.
And then lo and behold, a trailer dropped from out of nowhere for Endless Ocean Luminous! And it was releasing in a month! Holy Shit! What!? Yes!
But alas, the more information came out about the game, the more that excitement started to wane. A focus on multiplayer? Procedural generation? Only one map? The only character being an AI that sounded like all those awful tiktok voices? To be clear, I wasn’t expecting Luminous to be the next GoTY. I wasn’t even expecting it to be an exact replica of EO2, or continue the storyline. If it had even a fraction of what I liked about the previous game I was going to be one happy camper. I assumed that the marketing was focusing on the multiplayer aspect instead of the single-player story, that hopefully the procedurally generated map was exclusive to that multiplayer. Surely the single player mode would extend past what little was shown in the trailers. Some things seemed promising, such as an advertised 500+ species, and even more prehistoric marine life. But again, alas, what I have seen since the release is the barest and palest reflection of what I enjoyed about the previous game. I could understand cutting some content, such as the dolphin training and shows, considering the controversy of cetaceans in captivity. But it seems like there is no aquarium, no central hub of any type, no characters beyond the aforementioned AI and a single faceless diver, salvage reduced to a single click, an incredibly reduced story consisting mostly of scanning fish, no ability to feed or interact with fish and fish behaviour also seems to be quite reduced. At least photography still appears to be in the game, though its unclear to what point. Are there still photo requests? The ability for some critters to swim along with or attach to your diver looks cute at least. But everything I’ve watched so far just feels so… lifeless. Empty. As if the whole game was AI generated, which I’m at least %75 sure isn’t the case.
But I’m left kind of baffled by the direction that this game was taken in. I’ve been trying to find any information about it’s development with little to no success. Why the focus on multiplayer to the exclusion of a single player story beyond the bare minimum? What lead to the choice to have a single, procedurally generated map instead of separate, smaller, but more scientifically accurate maps? Or even a single smaller but purposefully designed map? Was this game more like the previous games at any point in its conception or development or was it always intended to be such a departure?
#I apologize for the wall of text and stream of consciousness rant#Should this game ever go on sale I may check it out#but as it is I cannot justify spending $50 on it#endless ocean#endless ocean 2#endless ocean luminous
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I gotta remember to cool it with how much I’m on fandom subreddits because it gets me in some unbecoming kind of moods at times
#rw lore#rain world#scarlet rambles about things#scarlet rants about things#it came from discord#stream of consciousness#it’s not that it exists and is pretty popular that gets me#it’s like the implication that this is our unanimous basis we all work from#and the lack of applying Occam’s razor when the idea keeps bumping into problems
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Low key dreading work tomorrow guys. Remember the girl I mentioned that I said fucked me over? Well I work with her. And tomorrow is our first shift together after 1. Not seeing each other for weeks and 2. After the drama that happened.
I said I didn't want things to be awkward but I don't think I'm gonna be able to just pretend like nothing happened. I know it would be unprofessional to bring anything up at work so I won't but I don't want to put on an act. Oh well. I'm just going to try and be civil I guess.
Maybe I'll rant about what happened at a later time to truly get it out of my system. Give you guys some tea lol. It's not much but I kind of want to hear your guy's perspective on it. That'll be for another day though.
Hopefully I remain firm in my self respect but also remember to not be rude or petty.
#day in the life of a striped wolf#mini rant#but not really#Mostly an anxiety but also frustration filled stream of consciousness
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Daily Writing Complete‼️
Homestly, not really. I wrote 505, IM GOING BACK TO 505, sorry, words on my main story… BUTTT i wrote a bunch of notes and stuff that has to equate to like 700 words??? But thats for my main story, I finished one of the CW!!!
That’ll be out to you guys tomorrow. Im pretty pround of it! Especially for 1.5k! But… I feel like its a bit rushed, and in some places it feels a bit exposition heavy? But i do like the emotion and symbolism in the story. It turnes out pretty good I think! I cant wait for you guys to see this because then you guys can actually get a grip for how I write and stuff, and not judge my writing off these stupid blurbs and stuff! Yk, if you guys like the one tomorrow, I’ll give yall a Thousand Fireflies to eat up too! Just- dont copy it alright? Its not free-use work!!! In fact- i should probably put that in my bio and stuff. But anyways… IM PROUD OF MYSELF! I feel like I was blocked on my main story, because I had a fun time writing this side project! I just that goes to show how important it is to take breaks from main projects in favor for smaller ones, just so you dont burn yourself out by accident! Because burning yourself out is… NOT GOOD! Not good to sya the least… but yah. I feel like i got multiple questions wrong on my science quiz today and istgoodness… IT WAS EZ I SWEAR TO GOODNESS. I just tripped up during it… Also guys I realized that I should really start yapping more irl because… Im look at these posts and thinking- wow. This person must have no friends if they have THIS many thoughts and no one to tell them to. AND THEN I REALIZE IM TALKING ABT MYSELF. Like sometimes I either dont speak because i dont want to interrupt someone- but the times I do speak… PEOPLE INTERRUPT ME! AND THE TIMES WHEN I FEEL LIKE I CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK- I INTERRUPT SOMEONE ELSE! Of course this doesnt happen that often, to be honest Im too busy wriitng during my lunch break to talk, but you know. PRIORITIES!!!
I LOVE PINTEREST SO MUCH. GOING CRAZY WITH IDIA SHROUD IN THE BACKGROUND 😍😍😍 i love idia sheoud i relate to him sm (not really) tbh I feel like i relate to him- but at the same time I dont??? Bec he gets prideful and arrogant sometimes and I dont get like that (HEH NOT TO FLEX OR ANYTHING 😼😼🤗🤗)
I feel like if I related to anyone, it would probably be leona. Not because hes like super fit or anything- LIKE IM THE FURTHEST AWAY FROM HIM PERSONALITY. Its just that like, him being the second and stuff, doomed to never be the first, the best, really resonates with me. Especially since Im surrounded by people who self-proclaim themselves as ‘first places’ everyday, kinda gets on my nerves… WRITING IDEA!!!!
Like im not saying having a big ego is wrong, nor am I saying that those peoples achievements are bad BECAUSE they are so amazing. i think they should be proud of that, and they dont owe humility to anyone because they worked hard for it, (AHEM AHEM VIL SCHOENHEIT MY KING). But its when they see people that are trying to reach for those ambitions and they flaunt how they could do better. THATS when I start doubting their ability. Because you could be the best in the world, but if your too busy running your mouth about how your the best, you’ll be left in the dust- and youll find that all those people who were under you before… Appeared triumphant.
IDK DAILY WORDS OF WISDOM ADDED HERE TOO. Vil Schoenheit my KINGGGGG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WANT TO BE LIKE HIM. When i become rlly good at writing, I want to be able to act like him!! Because he is confident in himself, doesnt owe humility to anyone (but of course still expresses it from time to time), and is respectful about it (we dont talk about book 5). I love Vil Schoenheit, such a misunderstoid character fr. OH YEAH
If your not a twisted wonderland fan, these are the characters I mentioned in this post!!!
^ Idia Shroud in the middle, next to his lil’ bro Ortho Shroud!!
^ Vil Shoenheit in the middle, to the right is Rook Hunt, and to his left is Epel Felmier (the short one!)
^ Leona Kingscholar!!
ALRIGHT GUYS!!! Now, I have math hw. SO I NEEDA BOUNCE! SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW AND STUFF!!!
Daily music rec is Sponsored by this guy !!!@unmotivatedartistry PRETTY GOOD SONG!!!
Here are some snacks for the road: 🍔🍔🌭🌯🥙🥪🥪🍕🌯🥗🥙🍔🥪🌯 (taco bell burritos proceed with caution)
BYEEEEEEEEE
-Kani
#Spotify#writing#creative writing#oc#writing challenge#creative work#twst leona#leona kingscholar#vil shoenheit#twisted wonderland#idia shroud#twst idia#twst vil#ortho shroud#epel felmier#rook hunt#twst tsum tsum#505#stream of consciousness#pinterest#going crazy#rant post#personal rant#personal ramblings#daily words#wisdom#twist wonderland#books and reading#music#music recs
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Religion in Relation to Jesus Christ Superstar
(CW: Religious trauma, slight stream-of-consciousness, imposter syndrome)
It's no secret now that I love Jesus Christ Superstar. The music, the way the story is presented, the history of the musical, and the talented actors are what drew me to it and kept me interested. Hell, it even made me download TUMBLR just so I could interact with others who enjoy the show (which is lovely, you're all lovely and I'm having such a good time).
Sometimes when I'm doing my wholely unnecessary research on JCS, I find a bad review from a devout Christian, claiming it to be blasphemy of the highest degree. This doesn't particularly bother me, as I am no longer a religious person, and I can easily brush these reviews off as extremists finding things to complain about.
I've found myself researching the book the rock opera was based on. You know the one. It's a fascinating story; I don't think many people disagree with that regardless of what religion they align themselves with. However, as with most things on the internet, it's hard to find information that is unbiased (unless I choose to read the full Bible, which I'm not interested in doing at the moment). I see how passionate these people are about their faith, and how many use that as an excuse to belittle and isolate others. This is something I've always been aware of, and it's something that's affected me personally.
When I come across these kinds of things online, I start to feel a pit of anxiety growing in my chest. I respect anyone of any religion so long as they do not use it as a means to harm others (physically, mentally, psychologically - in any way). But when I am presented with a Christian explaining why everything I believe in and stand for is inherently wrong, I begin to feel as if I'm still a young girl being berated for going against the Lord. To make matters worse, I am queer, though I am well aware that any accusations that this is a shortcoming are without truth.
Part of what drew me into JCS is what I and some others believe to be queer undertones. The intense relationship between Judas and Jesus is captivating to me, and I find it healing to examine the story of Christ this way. I had been avoidant of all Christian-related media for such a long time after I decided to detach myself from the religion. Any mention of it brought back years of shame and fear that, in my opinion, do not align with the morals the Bible depicts. If that is not what I am meant to feel when presented with the power of the Christ, then why should I subject myself to it? But when I found this musical, I was so intrigued that my inhibitions became insignificant. I only notice now how unprepared I was for the feelings that arose within me when re-introduced to my experience with religion.
I think the main issue comes with Christians believing they are entitled to the words and story of the Bible. Against my better judgment, and due to my past, I feel sometimes as if I'm intruding on an aspect of human culture that was not meant for me. In reality, I recognize that all I'm really doing is enjoying a story that I relate to and that inspires me to create and live my life as I want to live it. My learned instinct is to feel repentant when any person says I am wrong, especially when it comes to my experience as a queer woman. I read the relationship between Jesus and Judas in JCS as romantic. I have seldom seen such an intense portrayal of homosexually-charged angst, even if that is not how it was meant to be read. And I relate to it. And it heals a part of me. And I may be reading way too far into this, but I'm already devoting so much of my time to this property, so I may as well get something useful out of it.
I wonder if any other fans of JCS have felt this way. Like we are not allowed to enjoy something simply because it is not a story that is meant to be heard as we are hearing it.
My mother wonders why I haven't since converted back to Christianity after watching Jesus Christ Superstar. But this is the furthest from Christianity I have ever felt. And it the most at peace with Christianty I have ever felt.
#jesus christ superstar#jesus christ superstar 1973#religion#religious trauma#stream-of-consciousness#imposter syndrome#rant#relatability#queer community#lgbtq#jesus x judas#agnostic
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More ,, c!dream transfem poetic ideas....please...
Our purely putrid filthy, fusty, musty, stanky, rank fem-not-female daymare. She’s fraying clothes with seams ripping in the way envelopes and wrapping paper are in their desperation to be opened. She’s patches peeling off the way fruits are peeled with their skins being left out to rot in the sun. She’s the scab and sunburn you pick at until it prickles. She’s sweat from heat against the sweat of the cold. She’s the dust you forgot to sweep up that hangs sparkling in the air. She’s the floorboard that creeks with your breaths. She’s an old fridge whose very self, never mind its contents, is rotting. She’s the light that won’t stop flickering. She’s an old time styled radio that only garbles out guttural sounds and spits static. She’s shoes splitting at the soles that you still expect to shield your feet from the metal as you kick at your broken down rusted car. She’s the bandana you wear when the sands and their winds get too high. She’s the odd smelling and shaped stains that won’t come out and won’t be questioned. She’s a mattress on TOP of a mountain of blankets that are sour smelling and matted with sweat. She’s the grimy coins kids are excited to find. She’s the sketchbook scraps forced to be used as napkins. She’s waking up with wounds you don’t remember how you got and soon will forget having. She’s front yard fires, never strong enough for barbecue. She’s the constant pain that you have no clue where comes from but can’t afford to see a doctor over it. She’s toilet paper veils and toilet paper roll telescopes and napkin handkerchiefs and towel headscarves and Piñata pets. She’s a burning flag (L’Manburg or American) at a backyard concert and brunch. She’s licking at the salt lick in cold hoping it hasn’t frozen over. She’s playing music on the bottom of garbage cans and pans and on top of thighs. She’s a little kid carrying stuff in her hoodie and inside her shirt feeling so smart about it. She’s showing off what you found in the parking lot. She’s moths hitting against patio lights. She’s fireflies caught bare handed in the backyard which you at first are excited about before feeling grossed out. She’s the sea urchin you step on out of spite. She’s the solid salt chunks caught in your mouth from swimming in the sea. She’s empty tortoise shells and even emptier, exposed tortoise spines. She’s animal blood being boiled; something you can’t scrape out. She is pure folk punk. She is everything. She’s made up of and makes up with popsicle stick people and macaroni art men and bottle cap boys and chalk chicks and tally girl tabs. She feels like cicada husks and bed bug shells and dragonfly wings and rhino beetle horns. If you kissed her she would taste of raw meat and then blood because she bites on instinct. She could ride a bike with flat tires. She could make a heater out of an old fan. She somehow gets drunk from church wine and high from smoking straight up grass and chewing on loose exercise -machine tums. She holds an open potluck made up of leftovers as she does scratch off tickets and sniff stickers together. She hand washes clothes and dishes alike but if she had a washing machine she’d get lost in watching it spin until she felt like throwing up. She’s distance spitting seeds and tobacco alike. She collects sand and spices and stamps; all the little things you never know if/when you’ll need. She makes the sort of grits that always get stuck in your teeth and to the top of your mouth and to the bottom of your stomach but in a way that’s comforting. She lets bugs and insects and animals climb onto and all over her.
She lets mosquitos bite her and shows off the bumps that develop proudly because don’t they deserve to eat too? She’s wanting to be lost. She bops herself on the head on an empty soda bottle when she’s not blowing into it and a paper bag. She snacks on perlite like popcorn and chews on wood chips. She drinks the water from leaks and blisters. She sucks up the guts out of pumpkins and suckles on bark and gnaws on sap and loves moss even more than Kris. She’ll feed house and store and backyard and forest plants alike. She has a garden just for weeds. She makes her own manure. She grows mushrooms in the upstairs bathroom sink. She raises crayfish in a school Petri dish. She only wants to eat the green tomatoes and bananas and peaches. She wants to see how sticks and stones break bones. She has squirted lemon and tomato juice directly into her eyes just to see what it’s like.
She wakes up the crickets and the chickens. Her green motif comes from staining from chlorine and leaves painted brighter and more waxy than they could ever be in nature for advertising and the lack of green colored stars that exist. Science kits and first aid kits are the same to her. She brings astronaut food to the beach picnic. She gets bone shards stuck in her teeth along with her tonsil stones. She keeps taxidermy in coolers. She keeps bait in buckets and gives them out like gift bags. She recites rites for roadkill. She made wind chimes out of fake dimes. She nicks nails from construction sites. She dances in dumpsters. She blacks out in the bakery bins behind the store fronts. She kicks her shoes onto the roof after making a contest of how far they could be thrown off when on the swing set. She writes messages out of spider webs. She braids grass to put into her hair and wears roots like rings. She knows the exact classifications that foods like tomatoes and pumpkins and strawberries and eggplants fall into. She has such strong opinions about oatmeal over corn meal, squash vs gourds, egg whites in comparison to yolks. She has grown with the grass and she finds perfume in skunks and every abandoned place is immediately familiar to her. In universe she invented the hawk tuah meme. She’s genuinely “not like most other girls” without even trying. She’s almost disgustingly authentic and actually is very proud of it. It will take months, even maybe years, to sort out my thoughts on her and so many other pretty piling-up things but I will eventually write (and certainty think) about her forever lol.
#sorry if the format's wack#tumblr's finicky with it#Trans fem c!dream gives me suburban southerner and rural northerner vibes so that definitely influenced this.#I gave her all my discarded gender lol#dsmp#trans fem c!dream#trans fem c dream#trans fem dreamwastaken#trans c!dream#trans c dream#trans dreamwastaken#nonbinary dreamwastaken#nonbinary c!dream#nonbinary c dream#though it ain't really mentioned here#she's definitely not binary lol#noelle's rambles#noelle's rants#shut up noelle#asks#anon asks#most importantly#I'm glad you enjoyed :)#c!dream#c!dreamwastaken#trans fem#trans fem hc#trans fem character#stream of consciousness
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legitimately what the fuck am i doing
#i swear to god if my friend actually checks my tumblr today i am going to kill myself#like i don't want her seeing the shit i'm talking about#ok so that wasn't what this post is about but whatever#i need a better hidey hole in my room#rn all i have is behind some books on my bookshelf#but books gets moved#i wish there was like a hole in the wall or something#maybe i could figure something out with an outlet#like that's prolly dangerous#but idc#should i try body tape binding again#i have like no tape left but i could sneak some from the pantry i'm sure my mums stocked up#hhhh fuck i'm gonna lose my mind#i'm just stream of consciousing this shit now#hey dude (you know who you are) if you saw this NO YOU DIDNT#if you saw any of my previous posts actually#they'll get buried soon whatever#original post#rant#sorry
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I am haunted to this day by the haunting of hill house Netflix series and how it butchered Shirley Jackson’s novel. I don’t even think the show is necessarily bad on its own, though personally I’d say it’s highly forgettable. But it doesn’t follow the plot of the novel and all the characters have been warped into something else and THEY PUT ACTUAL GHOSTS IN THE HOUSE WHEN THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT THE HOUSE ITSELF IS EVIL RATHER THAN THERE BEING ACTUAL GHOSTS.
Also making Theodora into Eleanor’s sister feels like a hate crime to me. None of the main cast of characters in the novel were related. They met for the first time upon entering hill house. They are strangers brought together by a scientist who wants to study the house’s haunted nature.
You cannot adapt hill house to television successfully. The scariest parts of the book only work in written form. They would not be scary if you showed a visual because the scary part is your own brain filling in the gaps. The picnic scene, which terrified me when I read it, would not be scary if you just showed it visually. You are not told why the picnic is scary, but the character’s reaction to it is enough to be bone chillingly terrifying.
A lot of the best parts of the book also come from Eleanor’s internal dialogue. Her thoughts. You get to sit with her as she becomes an increasingly unreliable narrator.
I just wish the show could have been its own thing without slapping the name Haunting of Hill House on it because I have to explain that, no I’m not talking about the Netflix show, I’m talking about Shirley Jackson’s horror masterpiece. I’m sorry if you like the show, I’m not trying to tell you that you can’t, or that it’s a bad show, I just don’t think it works as Haunting of Hill House. I don’t think you can’t successfully adapt the book without losing most of what makes it actually scary.
#sorry for the rant#I woke up this morning thinking about hill house and got irrationally angry when I remembered the show existed#to me it feels like the awful Percy Jackson movies that don’t even follow the plot of the books#except instead of a kids book it’s one of the best written (imo) horror books of all time#shirley jackson#haunting of hill house novel#haunting of hill house spoilers#for the book#this was very stream of consciousness
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Pity.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: don't fucking pity me.
Don't try to 'protect' me, don't infantalise me.
Take your paternalism and shove it up your ass.
I don't need a white saviour.
I don't need a white knight.
I don't need to be rescued from reality.
I need you to listen when I tell you what I want or need,
what I can or can't handle,
and fucking believe me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I think I know myself pretty well by now.
If you're gonna operate with the mindset that you know better than me,
I'd rather you just say so than hide behind fucking pity.
I hate pity.
Pity is waste, pity is belittling, pity is painful.
Just admit you think less of me so we can have an honest conversation.
Just admit you think you know better than me.
Just admit you look down on me.
Just admit you think I'm incompetent.
Just admit you're racist so we can all move on.
Because nothing makes a person feel more pitiful than being pitied.
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I've never really thought about gender. It's weird, because I overthink everything else. But gender is just something I gloss over. I'm male. I don't really care about it in any significant way, though. My life isn't based on it. Sometimes I hate my own appearance and voice (i hate how i sound on recordings), so perhaps that means I'd rather just be seen as a non-entity in regards to physical qualifiers? Perhaps. Have I been judgemental in my own head of others for their apperance before? Shamefully, yes. I'm not the most pleasant person sometimes. I have my very judgemental moments.
I'm rambling, but I just...I know of people exploring their gender, and I see no issue with that. But I struggle with understanding it sometimes, because it's something i've never felt. I just sort of accepted it for what it is, and never thought of it. I don't know what that says about me. Because they always say gender is this thing you instinctively know and feel attached to. But...I don't know. I'm used to the male anatomy (it's all i know, really), but to the concept of masculinity? I don't know. That's not something I ever think of. I feel no desire to wear "feminine" clothes, but what does that even mean!? I'll tell you what I think it means: that I like the familiar. I'm familiar with male or unisex clothing, so that's what I use. I don't think it out like it's a great riddle often.
To me, gender is nothing major. I've been using male pronouns my whole life, so why change? The familiar is comforting to me, and change would only screw up that. So with a minor thing like this, i'm comfortable just not overthinking it. But people might accuse me of not being traditionally masculine. I don't like facial hair (although I hate shaving too), I don't love stereotypical male things (like military stuff), but then, neither do I like the concept of gendered stuff regardless. I don't even know where I'm going here. This has just been a while stream of consciousness. A peek into the way my mind can work. Hopping from place to place, overthinking anything and everything.
#i said i don't overthink gender#apparently that's not true now#because i overthink everything#rambles#rambling#overthinking#over thinking#stream of consciousness#gender#autism#asd#neurodivergent#my thoughts#autistic#adhd#actually autistic#audhd#ramblings#rant
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obviously being trans doesnt mean you are above criticism but seems to me that trans people are disproportionately seen as lolcows. As noted in my previous posts the whole lolcow/drama scene on youtube ranges from "this person is a pedophile and manipulative" or just self destructive to "this person is trans" all the way to "this person is autistic and has an unconventional special interest" i usually click away if i think the person is just beating down on already disenfranchised people. like why should i be outraged at a person linking to diy hrt cafe or someone writing thomas the tank engine fanfiction. i only care if youre a good person or not.
some trans people arent good people. hypnotist sappho comes to mind, like she genuinely is a zoophile and a self-identified MAP and decries her detractors as haters when really people have valid reasons to criticize her.
that being said some channels blend these two together on their channels going after scam artists, swindlers and pedophiles as well as people whose only crime is being weird or being down on their luck and its weird to equate the two. Like turkey tom has videos on Rekieta Law, a guy whose children were neglected and who tested positive for drugs in their systems but also has videos on bronies who are just like run of the mill furries into idk inflation porn or whatever. like the two arent analagous and mixing this content together with the same judgemental tone is weird to me.
while ive recently just started to put this content in the background usually on groomers as i think about my own experiences and how theyve had an influence on me, i cant help but see some channels as modern day freak shows where people laugh at people who simply dont fit into their view of "normal"
Channels I would recommend are Toastify and Lagovirt. I like their stuff, the former focuses on youtubers a lot in the friday night funkin community (i love that game but boy does the community need a cleanup) and Lagovirt focuses on the furry fandom
#this is just a stream of consciousness out loud thinking#life of frey#rant#youtube#rekieta law#lagovirt#toastify#fnf
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i need a fucking temporal break. like, everything stops, i continue to exist and have interactions but in a world that is stilled of time’s movement
because how and why am i expected to just go about the minutes in a day when suddenly i’m slotted and delegated mistakes that are said to be mine to fix when i did nothing to illicit or create the mistakes at hand
no one—and i mean no one—should be expected or have to deal with or fix another person’s or party’s mistake or ignorance
if i come to my home address and there’s a mess on the counter from my roommate’s lunchtime food-making why should i or would i ever take it upon myself to clean up their mess ?
when a person comes into a store with a pet and that animal defecates or urinates in the establishment it’s the cultural custom (here, in the US) for the animal’s owner to be expected to clean it up with general assistance—not help or be in cleaning of equal measure—not on the employee
but if working retail, for instance, and a customer deliberately and with full-intent let’s say… licks a fresh lollipop and then sticks it on folded up clothing for sale (i’ve worked in clothing apparel retail and literally saw this take place from a grown adult) why is the expectation on the employee to clean up the mess created and not the guilty party (the customer)?
if you ask for my help and then when i come to you promptly and you make me wait 34 minutes before having me assist with the situation of your making, why is my anger and frustration and irritability suddenly irrational and not appropriate? why is my time wasted acceptable because of someone else’s decision?
and i know it’s not just me
but i cannot fathom and do not understand why the majority of people i’ve witnessed and interacted with irl (not global population, just 90% of the people in my life up until this point) are okay with cleaning up after someone else? why are there those people or entities (corporations, etc.) that are okay and sometimes actually encourage taking care of someone else’s problems or mistakes?
it is beyond me, apparently.
and btw, i’m not talking about those who literally need assistance or help in their day-to-day lives. i’m speaking of those that are 100% capable of fixing the messes or mistakes they make and then are SHOCKED if you don’t offer to help or decline to assist or otherwise excuse oneself to not be involved
a lot of the time—but not always— if someone is capable of making a mistake or mess, they are generally capable of fixing said mess or mistake.
i also want to note my personal vibe on the last matter; i actually more often than not believe it’s actually inherently disrespectful to the party you’re helping (and possibly others) if you make a mess and EXPECT someone to help you if you’re capable of cleaning said mess on your own already. why must the fixing of one’s problem involve the whole village if the problem is something as simple as overfilled trash cans on the pavement, as an example.
this is a rant, for which i am not sorry for, but i do apologize for the twinge of frustration and disrespect i feel and felt while writing this because that tone is definitely in this and i am not going to proof-read this
thank you, for reading. if you resonate with any of this or want to have a receptive communicative discussion on this, please feel free to message me. i am feeling quite trapped in this and the only person irl that at least understands (even if not sees it the same way) is my therapist lol. plus, i don’t have many friends and would like more
✌️
#rant#stream of consciousness#words#text post#text#mine#my post#my text#my text post#disrespect#irritation#mess#mistake#messes#mistakes#cleaning messes#fix#fixing#fixing mistakes#fixing mistake#ugh#important
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The world continues to leave me behind
I am incorrect and unfitting
Let the backdrop of the sky collapse to see God behind
Pleading for an explanation for it all, reassurance or a request I could fulfill
Looking for somewhere to place my devotion
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