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sevcasejay1chicago · 6 days ago

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Scars- Matt, Kelly, Jay

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions thoughts of self harm, self harm scars, use of guns

Summary: After a rough call, you spiral back into the past. Your boys won’t let you stay there for long.

Authors note: A user asked me for this one a bit ago. It was a tough one for me to write, but I hope it helps someone. {You know who you are and I hope this is what you were looking for❤️}

If you or a loved one has a mental health crisis, PLEASE reach out. Resources can be found online, depending on country, but your friends and family want to help you too.

YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU ARE WANTED. ❤️

>>>>>

You’ve known Jay for most of your life. You ran to each other for comfort when it all became too much with your families. Neither of you had great dads, which pushed you both to find solace in one another. You kept a secret from him all those years in hopes of avoiding the anger and pity that would come to his eyes. You wanted to protect him from yourself in some ways, and you still do.

It has been a rough day. You and Jay had taken fire on a call, nearly missing both of you. You had covered the daughter when she ran out from behind the car to run to somewhere she felt less exposed, but you weren’t quick enough to keep her completely out of harms way. She got shot in the shoulder and screamed as Jay held down the father until help arrived. Jay’s mind was on you as he put all of his weight into the girl’s father while returning fire to cover you both as you dragged the screaming teen behind a house not far from where she went down.

Once the team landed with some additional patrol officers, Jay let go of the father to grab the med kit you made sure to keep stocked in the back of his truck. He could hear the father screaming at you, even over the gun fire, before he made it over. He noticed how you shakily pulled the girl’s shirt apart to expose the wound on her shoulder, flinching ever time the father screamed louder in your ear, but he had no time to comfort you or lay into the father as the gunfire ceased and Kevin came to hold the dad back while you and Jay tended to the girl. Jay had all his focus on holding her down as he spoke into his radio, asking for an ambo while you did your best to slow the bleed.

The rest of the day was a blur. You rode back to the precinct in silence, pretending to be asleep when Jay looked over at you to start the conversation. You dodged everyone and left as soon as Voight gave the order to go home for the night. You had driven separately that morning, and Jay had to stop at the store to get supplies for dinner, so Jay let it be for now. He knew you’d probably respond better in your own home with all three of them with you anyways.

When Jay walked through the door, arms filled with groceries, he was surprised that the house was mostly quiet. He could hear the tv on in the living room, playing a baseball game, which meant that Kelly and Matt were most likely on the couch. You, however, don’t really enjoy baseball and they never really watch it around you, immediately after work, so that you all can relax together. Curious as to where you could be, given that you left before him and should have gotten home 30 minutes ago, Jay hurriedly dropped the bags in the kitchen before making his way into the living room.

“Hey guys.” Jay smiled, gong to kiss Matt and Kelly gently. He was right. You weren’t in here. “Where’s Y/n?” He asked, trying to be nonchalant even though he felt like something was wrong.

Matt pointed over his shoulder toward the master bedroom. “She said she wanted a shower, but needed to be alone. We figured we could catch a bit of the game while we waited on you.” Matt explained, sipping the beer that was in his hand.

Jay nodded as Kelly spoke. “She didn’t seem ready to talk.”

Jay shrugged. “Yeah. She’s been like this since a call we had midday. I figured she would feel more comfortable with all of us.” Jay explained, hand rubbing the back of his neck. He didn’t like this. He had this nagging feeling that something was wrong, just like when you were kids and you met him at your secret spot on bad nights. The lightbulb clicked as Jay heard the master bathroom door open. “Oh. She’s got PTSD.” Jay mumbled, mostly to himself, but he knew the other two heard when they straightened up and put their beers down.

“She what?” They both said, immediately leaning forward to stand.

Jay placed his hand out, signaling them to stay where they were. “Hang on. Just…” Jay took a breath, pinching the bridge of his nose as he thought through what he was taught in therapy about PTSD. “Let me go talk to her a second and check on her.” He said, quietly, immediately turning to head into the master bathroom. Jay heard the other boys sigh, but they thankfully stayed put as Jay made his way into the bedroom. He quietly knocked on the door to let you know he was there before slowly going to sit on the bed. You still had the towel wrapped tightly around you as you leaned your forehead against the closet door. “Hey baby.” Jay whispered, not moving from his spot on the bed.

You barely lifted your head as sobs shook your shoulders. You heard him and you knew he was there, but you were scared. Scared of yourself, scared of your feelings, scared that they would see you differently. “P-please Jay. I- just d-don’t.” You whispered, swiping at your cheeks to get rid of the tears.

Jay sighed. “Baby girl. Talk to me.” Jay began to beg. “Tell me how to help you.” Jay said. He allowed his eyes to roam your body as you kept pulling the towel lower over your thighs. He spotted angry, red skin and immediately stood. “Baby. What happened to your thigh?” Jay asked, watching as you tensed.

“N-nothing. M fine.” You mumbled, turning and walking into the closet. You have been living with the boys for 5 months now. You have yet to share your scars. When you changed clothes, it wasn’t noticeable. Normally, you had to look close at your skin because of their placement. You’ve always insisted that it was dark when you made love, so they still have yet to see anything.

Jay shook his head as it all clicked into place. “Baby.” He whispered, slowly approaching you.

You knew he figured it out. Jay wasn’t dumb. “I I didn’t! I just..” your breathing picked up as you stepped back from Jay as he came closer.

Jay made sure to soften his face, making every emotion go to the back of his mind to leave only care and love. “I’m not mad. I promise. Just let me see, hmm?” Jay said, standing a few feet away from you.

You nodded, face to the ceiling as Jay knelt down to peak under the towel. With how red your skin was from where you obviously scratched at your scars, they popped through. He never would have noticed given the placement. He could tell you had thought this through. Carefully, Jay leaned forward to kiss your thigh before standing up.

“Get dressed and meet us in the living room. Okay?” Jay said, leaning in to hand you one of Kelly’s shirts before walking out of the room. Making his way into the living room, he was met with the anxious faces of his other two lovers.

“Is she okay?” Matt asked, drawing Kelly’s attention to Jay.

Jay rubbed the back of his neck. “Debatable. She’s getting dressed.” Jay answered. “There is something we need to talk about.” Jay said, sitting on the edge of the coffee table. “I need you both to let me lead this conversation. I don’t want her to shut down.” Jay explained. They barely had time to nod before you shyly rounded the door.

You spot them all in the living room and fought the urge to run, but Jay’s soft eyes beaconed you forward. You took the seat at the far end of the couch and curled into yourself, hiding the irritation on your thigh from the other two. “Can you?” You whispered, the question directed at Jay.

He nodded, turning to your other two lovers. “Like I mentioned earlier, I believe Y/n has PTSD. We can talk reasons why and all that when she’s ready. However, today triggered something and I just found out about her having some self harm scars.” Jay said, hands clasped between his legs.

Both Matt and Kelly’s heads snapped up to look at Jay before turning their attention toward you as you muffled a sob behind your legs.

“She didn’t.” Jay added, one hand on each boy. “However, I believe she wanted to. She scratched the scars pretty bad.” Jay muttered, looking down to avoid putting more eyes on you.

Kelly breathed deeply as Matt moved toward you. “Baby girl. Come here.” Matt whispered, pulling you into his lap. You let out a wail as your face turned into his neck. “Shhhh. It’s okay. We aren’t mad. It’s okay.” Matt shushed, kissing the top of your head as Jay took the space you were just sitting in and Kelly moved closer.

Kelly carefully examined your thigh, not daring to touch the irritated skin without your permission. The skin was red and blotchy. Dark red dots danced under the skin from how irritated it was. Kelly didn’t know how to respond, so he gently laid a hand on your back and looked to Jay.

Kelly and Jay were silent for a few moments as Matt shushed you. They didn’t want to overwhelm you, but they knew they’d have to calm you down soon. You were on the verge of hyperventilating.

“Sweetheart. We aren’t mad. We promise.” Matt said, kissing the top of your head. “Shhh. Breathe. Breathe baby.” Matt whispered, pulling back slightly to look at your face. He didn’t like what he saw. It broke his heart in two. So, he turned to Kelly and allowed the other man to see your red cheeks and slightly blue lips.

Kelly nodded and took over, carefully helping Matt turn you to face him. “Hey you. Look at me.” Kelly whispered, hands lightly cupping your cheeks. “Look at my eyes. Breathe.” Kelly said, taking a deep breath for you to follow.

You shook your head. “I-I can’t.” You gasped, hands coming up to clutch Kelly’s wrist as Jay stood and sat on the coffee table once again.

“Yes you can. Here. Hold my hand.” Jay said, leaning over and holding his hand out to you. He used to do this for you as kids. When you took it, he gently smiled and lightly squeezed. “There we go. That’s my girl.” Jay whispered. “Now, Matt is going to help you lean forward, okay? He’s going to support your back while Kelly holds the back of your neck down a bit. We just need your head between your knees. Can we do that?” Jay asked, walking through what he needed from everyone so that you wouldn’t be caught off guard.

You nodded your head and the boys went to work. Jay placed his free hand on your chest so that you wouldn’t feel like you were falling off of Matt’s lap. The only good part about you during panic attacks is that you prefer to be touched. You need the contact to help bring you back down to earth. You stayed like that a while. Matt’s hand rubbing up and down your spine, Kelly’s hand gently holding the back of your neck while he lightly drew circles with his thumb, and Jay holding your hand and pressing his other to your chest. Once you slowed down enough, Jay nodded at the other two and helped Matt pull you back up and into Matt’s chest. You were exhausted. Basically dead weight in his arms.

“I thought about it.” You whispered after a few minutes, startling everyone out of their own thoughts.

Jay nodded, expecting this. “Is that why you were so upset?” Jay asked, wanting to know what to watch out for if this ever came up again.

You nodded, lightly rubbing over your still irritated scars. Kelly stopped you with a gentle hand. He removed your hand before leaning down to kiss your scars.

“Listen. I can’t pretend to know what you went through.” Kelly started, glancing at Jay to make sure he wasn’t going to make this worse, but he saw no sign that he was going in the wrong direction. “But we have you now. Those scars are battle wounds. Maybe not like the ones that everyone thinks about, but the ones that show how hard you fought through life to get to us.” Kelly said, wiping your tears away with the pad of his thumb.

“As long as you have us, you won’t get any more scars like that.” Matt said, leaning forward to kiss the side of your head. “We love you with them. That’s a given. Just know that you don’t have to do that anymore.” Matt added. Rubbing your back.

“You just have to tell us.” Jay said. “I know it’s hard. It can feel scary, but we love you. We don’t want you to think you can’t tell us anything. We won’t judge you.” Jay said, looking for your eyes. Once you locked into him, he smiled. “We love you, scars and all. We want to hear everything. Know everything. Cry with you. Laugh with you. We want it all, but you have to open up and tell us, yeah?” Jay asked, nudging you gently.

“Yeah.” You whispered, playing with Jay’s fingers as you kept a grip on his hand. “The dad. He was yelling and it reminded me of y/d/n.” You said, lip quivering. “It was like I was there all over again and I couldn’t get the memories to go away. It started eating me alive all over again.” You said, looking down and shaking your head as tears streamed down your face.

They all sighed, feeling your pain.

“We know about bad dads baby girl.” Kelly said, pulling your face up to look in your eyes. “We can’t pretend we know what happened with yours, but we can say that we will never let that happen again. You are safe with us.” Kelly reminded, smiling gently.

“We love you and respect the hell out of you.” Matt said, eyes watering. “Just let us in. Let us protect you. Even if it’s from yourself sometimes.” Matt said, smiling and leaning in to kiss the side of your head when you nodded.

“Okay sweet girl.” Jay whispered, standing up. “I need to go make dinner because you need to eat.” Jay said, leaning down to capture your lips with his. “Why don’t you relax here with our boys and rest for a bit, yeah?” Jay said, standing back up to his full height and looking for approval from you. When you nodded, Jay smiled and turned to go back to the kitchen. He knew you would be okay. You had all three of your boys.

>>>>>

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#one chicago #one chicago x reader #kelly severide #matt casey #jay halstead #matt casey x reader #fluff #jay halstead x reader #comfort #kelly severide x reader #tw self harm

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pearblossommina · 1 year ago

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ToG Read-A-Long, Kingdom of Ash, Day 9

Ch 62

Dorian and Manon are such a hard couple for me to root for. I can tell they care about each other - but they haven’t had a long time to explore their relationship. I feel like they’ve been starting to in this book. But it’s hard, especially with the way Dorian thinks it’s all up to him to steal the last Wyrdkey at all costs.

(It’s hard to focus on emotions when there’s a big, scary war happening and the fate of the world and everything rests on it) (but still) (I really like both Manon and Dorian individually)

(I would have liked to see a little more from them before this proposal and breakup.)

I can’t believe Dorian took the wyrdkeys with him and just left. How horrible for Manon, to wake up and find him gone, after she tried so hard to convince him to stay! And Dorian, hitting it and quitting it, what a bastard. I’m so disappointed in him! I’m sure he felt like he had to go through with this, especially with Manon describing their potential marriage as a “sacrifice” - like baby boy just wants to be treated like he’s important and he’s loved and he didn’t want to hear her say that - but I can’t help but feel like everything he did was the wrong choice.

That being said.

We do have to get the Wyrdkeys, it’s kinda important.

And there are bigger things at play than falling in love and getting married.

I just like those things more than being a tragic hero, lol.

(Don’t be a hero, Dorian)

(Or if you feel like doing it, don’t be a tragic one)

Ch 63

Man- Aedion and Lysandra and the others were still in the most DIRE situation when I paused. I hate coming back to this.

At least a little bit of backup is here

Thanks, Captain Rolfe, appreciate you…

And hang in there, you guys. Help is on the way. All hope is not lost.

(Someone needs to give Ansel of Briarcliff a hug and tell her everything’s gonna be alright)

Ch 64

“Once, he might have scoffed. Declared that far bigger things mattered, in this war especially. And yet the hand grasping his ... He'd never known anything more precious.”

That’s what I’m talking about! Nothing matters except falling in love, you fools! Stop all this nonsense and just kiss each other and tell each other you love each other!

(Elide and Lorcan are doing it right)

(The rest of these couples need to catch up)

Ch 65

Aw poor Manon. He’ll be ok.

Don’t get too heartbroken, babe. You’ve got a war to fight.

North - to Terrasen!

Ch 66

I’m very sad that Aelin will never be a goddess again, and it’s a bummer that she can’t use her goddess powers to evaporate Maeve.

But, like Rowan, I’ll be glad it never happens again as long as Aelin doesn’t have to suffer.

I’m so sick of her talking about wanting to end things. Girl needs therapy so bad. Yrene, when you get some time, our friend Aelin needs your help with her mental health crisis.

Ch 67

“Could Yrene heal them? Erawan and Maeve? I don't know why I didn't think of it.”

I would literally love that, lol, but I somehow don’t think it will be that easy

Poor Rowan. He really, really wants a family.

I do hope Aelin recovers enough to build one with him. I hope she doesn’t give up. I hope she finds a way to save the world without dying to forge the lock.

(Or Dorian - lol - I still love you Dorian, you piece of shit)

I literally don’t understand Chaol’s dad. He’s such a bitter old man, you’d think he would be happy that Chaol came here at all - that the battle waged in his lands was one where they survived. You’d think he’d be pleased that Chaol’s in such good standing with the new world order. Instead, he’s just pissed off that his whole family hates him, and he can’t control them anymore. It’s sad that he lost his wife and Chaol’s brother because of his own shittiness. It’s sad that the only one who cares for him at all is Chaol, and it’s sad that he’s pushing him away instead of working to let this trauma heal. I would have liked to have seen him apologize for being a shitty father. I would have liked for him to confess that he loved his son. I guess it doesn’t always work that way, and at least Chaol didn’t murder him like Dorian did with his dad. Maybe the door is still open. If we never see him again after today, well, I guess that’s fine too.

PART TWO BABIES. HERE WE GO. IT’S GO TIME.

#tog read along 2023 #kingdom of ash

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unsamuel · 1 year ago

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I saw this post on Instagram today and thought if you're going through any of these. Remember there's other people going through the same thing. You're not alone. Get help. It's not a bad thing to seek. For me, I struggle with mental health a lot. Three years ago I went through a crisis with my parents and school took a major turn and so I took drugs. I basically got a full on cold shoulder everywhere I walked in the house for a few weeks. You can't change the past but you can change what you do in the future. If you're part of the lgbtq community and you can't come out to your parents bc of certain circumstances. Remember it's your sexuality. If they don't accept you for who you are then all you can do is hold on to what you know. Because they don't matter. They don't support you. That is, unless they change there mind but for me if they disowned you once. It's your decision to forgive or forget. Another thing, if you're unsure of your sexuality take your time. There's sm time to explore. Literally kiss every type of human trans, boy, girl, fuck do a threesome idk explore! Don't let anyone stop you. Alright mate. Ted talk over peace 🙌🏳️‍🌈✌️💙

#lgbtq community #ted talks #awareness #instagram

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blorbocedes · 2 years ago

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Hi blorbie!! The new Taylor Swift songs that screams brocedes is here:

1. Anti Hero- Nico's Song

"I have this thing where I get older, but just never wiser

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift

All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices, I end up in crisis"

This part speaks about Nico's mental health especially in 2016 and how he ended up getting hyper focused on winning and putting everything else on the back burner.

"I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming"

This is about Lewis and Nico and how their mind games Olympics eventually led to the break down of their friendship.

"It's me

I'm the problem, it's me

At teatime

Everybody agrees"

This bit speaks about how the f1 fandom vilified Nico and places all the blame on him instead of admitting both him and Lewis are equally to blame

"It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero"

Just generally fits Nico because he is THE anti Hero ❤️‍🔥

2. You're on your own kid- Lewis's song

"Summer went away, still the yearning stays"

Refers to the iconic Greek summer vacation

"It’s okay, we’re the best of friends

Anyway

I hear it in your voice, you’re smokin’ with your boys

I touch my phone as it fits your face

I didn’t choose this town, I dream of getting out

There’s just one who could make me stay

All my days"

Lewis moved to Nico his best friend's hometown and I honestly believe if they were still on good terms he'd spend a lot more time in Monaco than he does now

"I gave my blood, spending tears more or less

I hosted parties and starved my body

Like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss

The jokes weren’t funny, I took the money

My friends brung home, don’t know what to say

I looked around in a blood-soaked gown

And I saw something they can’t take away

‘Cause there were pages turned

With the bridges burned

Everything you lose is a step you take

So make the friendship bracelets

Take the moment and taste it

You got no reason to be afraid"

This describes the lifestyle Lewis has been leading post break up and also the image he's been projecting to everyone around. He says he doesn't care but he cares so much.

"You’re on your own, kid

Yeah, you can face this

You’re on your own, kid

You always have been"

If there was a phrase to describe what Lewis has probably been repeating to himself since the brocedes break up then this is it.

3. Mastermind- the brocedes reconciliation song

"Once upon a time, the planets and the fates

And all the stars aligned

You and I ended up in the same room

At the same time

And the touch of a hand lit the fuse

Of a chain reaction of countermoves

To assess the equation of you

Checkmate, I couldn't lose

What if I told you none of it was accidental?

And the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me

I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork

The dominoes cascading in the line

What if I told you I'm the mastermind?

And now you're mine

It was all by design"

This is the only way brocedes will reunite. This monologue could be from either of their POV because both of them are capable of pulling off something like this.

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

Strategy sets the scene for the tale

I'm the wind and I'm free, flowing sails

In the liquor of our cocktails"

They are both mind games experts and plan EVERYTHING out. Also I know these two must love to drink supper fancy and expensive cocktails

"No one wanted to play with me as a little kid

So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since

To make them love me and make it seem effortless

Is this the first time I feel the need to confess?

And I swear, I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian 'cause I care"

Talks about their generally friendless childhood except for each other and how they used the media in the war against each other. Also refers to how things only got so toxic because of how much they cared about each other.

"So I told you none of it was accidental

And the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me

I laid the groundwork and then, saw a wild smirk

On your face, you knew the entire time

You knew that I'm a mastermind

And now you're mine

Yeah, all you did was smile

'Cause I'm a mastermind"

They know each other too well ti not have already known that the other was trying to "manipulate" them into falling back in love all along. They knew and they were turned on by it.

oh hello! thank you thank you I'm actually gonna finish my work and listen to the album so thank you for this important scholarship I will keep in mind as I listen!!!!!! anti hero is totally Nico ❤️

#brocedes #taylor Swift writing yet another album about brocedes she's just like me fr #lyric analysis f1 #blorbocedes ask

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blueroses789 · 3 years ago

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From Green to Blue

Chapter 4: What you have

Next chapter: Memories

Armin and Biannca team up to help you.

Oh boy so it's been a while since I've been posting. Schools almost over so hopefully I will have more time. Anyway I was inspired by Count On Me by Bruno Mars. It a really nice song and I thing it suits this chapter well.

Warnings: Angst

Smut

Mental health crisis

MDNI: 18 plus

Horrible. Ugly. Broken. That was all you felt as you looked into the mirror. In the two weeks since your breakup you had lost weight and all around stopped caring. A hand graded itself through your hair. Ew. It was actually greasy. You brought a hand up to your mouth and breathed. Coughing, you stepped back. Disgusting. Though not surprising as you’d spent the past few mornings throwing up over a toilet. “Y/n, are you okay?” The door creaked open as Armin stuck his head in. You couldn’t stand the look in his eyes. The pity they held made you want to throw up all over again. “I’m fine.” Armin didn’t buy it, and you knew. His eyes went from you to your phone by the sink. Guilty, you turned away. Looking at your phone was something you had tried not to do. But fuck, it was impossible. Something inside of you kept making you want to know every detail. What were they doing right now? Was she sleeping next to him? Were they….? Your stomach clenched, acid boiling. You doubled over. Tears burned your eyes. Armin rushed forward, gently grabbing your shoulders. He pulled you into his arms. Shaking, you allowed him to hold you up. “I can’t stand it Armin.” You were choking. Something had a vice grip around your neck. It was like you were dying. You wanted to die. Did you want to die? Were you actually going to even consider the possibility of ending your life? Humiliated. That's what you felt. The fact that you were brought to your knees was horrible. It made you feel small. Insignificant. Armin placed his hand on your head. For the longest time you two stayed silent. Your shoulders seemed to sag as the weight of your situation temporarily left you. Exhausted, your eyes closed and you drifted off into a half sleep. Armin was saying something while. His hand brushed your hair. Kisses peppered your forehead. He whispered in your ear. “It’s okay.” The tears that had temporarily been at bay seemed to surge forward once again. “Armin.” Whimpering, you buried your head into his chest. “It hurts” Even though you didn’t see it, Armin’s blue eyes brightened with tears. It hurt him on another level that he could not fully understand. A pain in his chest seemed to be worming its way to his heart. “I know.” It was all he said.

“I know.”

Biannca’s arrival at Armin’s house came as a surprise. Armin was the first one to get to the door. They’d met before, so Armin let her in. Even though you were in the living room and tired you could hear Armin and Biannca’s voices. “How's she doing?” You didn’t hear what Armin said afterwards. Looking up from your computer, you saw Biannca walk in. She looked tired, her usually immaculate box braids a mess. For a moment the two of you looked at eachother. Without a word she ran up to you. It came as a shock to the strength she brought you into her hug. But it didn’t matter. It made you feel better, less alone. “I’m so sorry Y/n! I should have told you earlier but Hannah and Eren had already told you. I saw them at a bar and I wasn’t sure how to break it to you.” “Wait what?” Breaking apart, you looked up at her. Biannca looked from you to Armin. Looking back at you, her eyes seemed to shiver. Taking a deep breath, Biannca took a set. “I saw Eren and Hannah at a bar. And I think it was on the night he….left you.” She looked at you nervously. It was like a slap to the face. You already knew that Eren had hung out with Hannah leading up to your break up. But hearing about it all over again seemed to bring the pain back. The thought of them going behind your back and talking about you hurt on a level that tore you up inside. As you lay at home they built their relationship, not giving a shit about you. “I’m sorry.” Biannca looked at her feet. You shook your head. “It’s not your fault.” It was hard enough trying to deal with Hannah and Eren, she didn’t want to fight with Biannca as well. And it wasn’t fair to Biannca, because it wasn’t like she was at fault. “Do you want to talk about it?” The thought made you sick. Reliving it was hard enough in your dreams. You didn’t want to speak about it. Not yet anyway. You weren’t ready.

Biannca had left shortly after. It just made you feel worse. Had you pushed her away by your unwillingness to talk? You ended up collapsing onto the couch, whole body hurting. Suddenly you jerked up with a hiss. Your chest hurt. More specifically, your breasts. Armin sat down beside your layed out body. “Everything hurts.” You groaned. “Emontionaly?” “Everything.” He sighed and ran a hand through your hair. The sensation wasn’t helping your fatigue. But you didn’t care. Your eyes closed as you let sleep take over you.

The hallway was long. As you walked down it you could hear noise up ahead. Wait. Was that moaning? It sounded familiar. You continued down the hall. The moaning was becoming lower. Every footstep was becoming slower. And slower. It was like walking through mud. Your feet were unbelievably heavy. You looked down as if looking for chains. Nothing. So you continued on. Soon the door was just beyond your fingertips. So, you pushed. And with a creek it opened. Your fingertips pushed the door opened. And then the view changed. Suddenly, you were above, looking down. Hannah’s blonde hair was like a halo around her head. Gasping and panting, her nails dug into his skin. Eren’s dark hair was like a waterfall protecting Hannah. His hands tightened on her waist like he once done to you. They looked at eachother, eyes filled with love. And then he bent down and pressed his lips to hers. Then the scene changed. Now you were in a cathedral. You were in the audience. Eren was at the front, wearing a suit. You tried to sit up but found you couldn’t. A woman walked up, wearing a beautiful white dress, veil covering her face. Hannah gazed up at him. No. No! You wanted out. You didn't want to see him. It was too much.

Bile hit the back of your throat. Heaving yourself over the couch, you staggered to the bathroom before hurling your guts into the toilet. Tears poured down your face as the acid burned your throat. Sobbing, you collapsed onto the floor. You were so tired. If only everything would just stop.

Biannca was in a rage. She had rarely ever felt as strongly as she did now. The only time that had come close was that one stupid family gathering were her aunt critizised her for not having a boyfriend at her age, whatever that meant. Hannah hadn't been answering the phone lately. Not a big shock since Biannca did have some choice words to throw at her. So Biannca did the last resort, visiting her. She walked into the lobby and into the elevator. It felt weird coming here and not seeing Y/n. Y/n. The heartbroken look on her face just fueled Biannca. “Deep breath.” It was going to take anything to not yell at Hannah. And why did Hannah do it? After losing her own boyfriend one would think Hannah would be more sympathetic. Ting She had arrived.

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Next chapter is going to be longer and a pretty tough one to get through. Thanks to everyone who has supported me!😘

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lamen-trash · 3 years ago

Note

19 for Damen/Laurent? 💙💙

19. Forehead kisses (Prompt from this list)

Laurent did not know when he first started noticing it.

Maybe it was a few months after his frequent visits to Damen’s apartment began, or maybe earlier. He couldn’t be sure.

All Laurent knew was that somehow, in the midst of making dinner, watching a movie together, and the inevitable drooping of his eyelids as the night wore on, he magically ended up in a bed every night. Granted, it was the guest bedroom, but Laurent never had any recollection of saying goodnight to Damen or walking to bed. None of that seemed to matter, though, when Laurent was greeted with the sight of Damen cooking breakfast in the morning light, curls askew and smile lethal as ever.

It never bothered him before. That is, until one night, when both men had consumed one too many glasses of wine and made more than a few jokes at the other’s expense.

“Oh, come on, you’re the one who can’t even stay up until midnight and falls asleep on my couch all the time,” Damen laughed, his finger flung out accusingly and his eyes full of glittering mirth. The alcohol brought a sweet flush to his cheeks that made Laurent feel like he was melting on the inside.

His words, however, brought Laurent to a halt. He could only stare as Damen started to laugh harder at the stunned expression painted across his pale features.

“Don’t look so surprised,” Damen teased. “You always complain about being too tired to drive home and your words get all slurred and I have to carry you to bed.”

“I– What?” Laurent could feel a fiery blush start to overtake his features. “You definitely do not.”

“Wow, so you really don’t remember, huh?” Damen’s laughter had died down, but the soft, amused gaze he directed at Laurent stayed on his face.

Laurent had to change the topic. To something. Anything. “Kind of like you don’t remember spilling all those people’s drinks at The Abbey?”

That seemed to do the trick, as drunk indignation twisted Damen’s features. “Hey, I have no recollection of ever–”

And, bingo. Oaf distracted, crisis averted. “Of course you don’t remember – you were hammered!” Laurent laughed. “All of those women kept giving you dirty looks for the rest of the night.”

As Damen tilted his head back for a hearty laugh, Laurent stalwartly ignored the strong column of his throat and the dip of his Adam’s Apple. They had been friends for years, and Damen had never made a move. Laurent needed to get over himself.

Later that night, as their energy faded and the conversation dwindled, Laurent was determined to stay alert. But there was something about the soft leather of Damen’s couch, the warm lighting of the apartment, and the soothing sound of Damen mumbling an old story that had Laurent’s vision fading.

When the feeling of arms folding around his body permeated the haze in Laurent’s mind, he had the wherewithal to mumble “M'awake,” and try to squirm out of Damen’s arms.

It was to no avail, as Damen only tightened his grip before leaving the living room. “Let’s get you to bed,” Damen whispered close to his ear. Laurent could only let out a little noise of acknowledgement in response.

Everything was still hazy when Laurent felt covers being pulled up over him, and then, a pause, like the entire world was waiting for something. Maybe Laurent was waiting, too.

And suddenly: the gentlest feeling of lips against his forehead, like a butterfly wing fluttering against his skin.

Laurent would’ve stopped to think about it more if his mind wasn’t already slipping into unconsciousness the moment the feeling faded. That night, Laurent slept a sound, dreamless sleep.

Waking up the next morning was like emerging from the cold ocean after a long swim. It was as if liquid warmth was bleeding into every one of Laurent’s limbs, making him snuggle down further into the soft bedding.

And yet, when he opened his eyes and remembered the previous night in a sudden rush, all Laurent could feel was panic.

What had Damen meant by that? Was he supposed to remember the kiss? Did Damen kiss him in a platonic way or in a we’ve-been-friends-for-years-but-I-secretly-want-you-like-you-want-me way?

Laurent couldn’t help but bury his face into a pillow and let out a silent scream. Leave it to Damen to do something so innocent yet so loaded, and not think twice about it. It was cruel, really – Damen wasn’t the one with severe mental health issues prone to overthinking and thought loops.

The more Laurent thought about it, the more he could feel himself getting fired up. How dare Damen play with his heart like this? Especially after everything Laurent had told him about his past, how much he had trusted him with…

However, all thoughts of chewing out a too-large Akielon verbally that morning dissipated when Laurent peeked out of the guest room to see a fully-prepared breakfast with pancakes, berries and homemade whip cream.

Fuck, Laurent thought, and his heart instantly swelled in size. Damen knew the key to his heart all too well – sweets. Damn him.

While Laurent filled himself with sugar and carbs and coffee, no mention of last night arose, and Damen continued on like everything was normal. He took Laurent’s prickly morning attitude in stride and even ruffled his blonde hair before going to get dressed.

If you want to play oblivious, two can play at that game, Laurent thought to himself, and chewed thoughtfully.

From that point on, every time Laurent went over to Damen’s house, he made an effort to hold onto the last shreds of consciousness before everything slipped away. Like clockwork, around midnight, Damen would gently pick Laurent up and carry him to bed before tucking him in and kissing his forehead. The feeling was always fleeting, but treasured in Laurent’s bruised heart.

Sometimes, if they had laughed particularly hard together one night, Damen would spend a few extra seconds stroking Laurent’s cheek or hair, before pulling away as if burned.

It was maddening. Not that Damen was treating him tenderly for seemingly no reason – that, Laurent particularly enjoyed – it was that Damen seemed to want to touch him more, yet never did.

“We’ve been friends for years, and nothing until now,” Laurent exclaimed, waving his hands around as if that would solve his problems. “Why doesn’t he just make a move already?”

Aimeric only raised his eyebrow over his freshly-brewed coffee as he took a long sip.

“You’re judging me. Why are you judging me? You know I hate it when you look at me like that,” Laurent deadpanned.

Aimeric let out a little chuckle before shaking his head fondly. “You,” he began, pointing a perfectly-manicured nail in Laurent’s direction. “Have a problem. And Damen does, too. There’s something wrong with you guys.”

“If you could skip out on the insulting me part and move on to the advice segment of this coffee date, I would really appreciate it.”

Laurent couldn’t hold in his begrudging smile when Aimeric wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and raised his voice an octave. “Ooh, we’re on a date right now? Should I delete my dating apps and tell all my boy toys that I’m taken?”

After a firm smack to Aimeric’s arm and a classic over-the-top reaction from the brunette, he sighed. “Listen, I’m only going to say this once. Do with it what you will.”

Laurent nodded, gravely serious.

“Damen’s in love with you,” Aimeric said, and then took a sip of coffee as if those words hadn’t just flipped Laurent’s entire world upside down.

“And before you wipe that stupid look off your face and deny it, you should hear that you’re definitely in love with him, too.”

“Wh–”

“Don’t make me say it again, and don’t deny the truth.”

Laurent’s mouth snapped shut. He chose his next words carefully. “Yes, it is true that after many years of friendship I do feel a certain… fondness for Damen, but that’s not–”

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Aimeric exclaimed, and slapped his hand down onto the table. “You guys have been in love with each other for years and we’ve all been waiting for one of you to make a goddamn move. I’m sick of this back and forth ‘Will they, won’t they’ and ‘Oh they’re pining for each other and it’s romantic’ bullshit.”

“Wait–” Laurent felt like his eyes were about to pop out of his head.

“I’m being dead serious when I say you need to make a move as soon as possible or else I will spontaneously combust from lack of attention. All our friends ever want to talk about when you’re not there is how much you and Damen want to bone each other but act like you’re just friends. I told Pallas about a new guy I’m dating the other day and his response was to ask me if I want him as much as Damen clearly wants you. How is one man supposed to live like this?”

“Aimeric, stop–”

“It’s always Damen this, Laurent that. ‘They’re meant for each other,’ blah blah blah. What about my fairytale slowburn friends-to-lovers romance? What about any of us? It can’t be about the It couple all the time.”

“We’re not even a couple!”

“Exactly. That is my point. Get your shit together before we all excommunicate you two from the friend group for being dumbasses.” Laurent could see in Aimeric’s pointed look that his friend was serious.

While Laurent sat in stunned silence, Aimeric regained some of his usual amused nonchalance. “I’m late for my 2:00 meeting.”

With that, Aimeric was up out of his chair and patting Laurent’s shoulder in farewell before breezing out of the coffeeshop door.

Laurent could only finish his coffee quietly, sitting in dazed contemplation of what he was about to do.

That night, Laurent knew he had to bring out the big guns.

“Wow, wine and vodka tonight?” Damen asked upon opening his door, eyeing the alcohol in Laurent’s hands.

“Let’s play a drinking game,” Laurent said in response, a smirk playing around his lips. He didn’t miss the way Damen’s eyes strayed to his mouth.

Hours later, when Damen was thoroughly drunk and laughing way too loudly at Laurent’s insults, Laurent decided to make his move.

“Damen,” Laurent began, waiting until his friend looked up at him with glazed eyes. They were both sitting on the ground in front of the couch, a few candles lit around them. “How long have we been friends?”

“Is this still part of truth or dare?” Damen asked.

“No, it’s just truth now. We each ask a question, and the other person has to answer truthfully. If the other person refuses to answer, they have to take a shot.”

Damen let out an overdramatic whine and let his head fall back against the couch. “No more shots.”

“Then answer truthfully, and we won’t have a problem.” Laurent’s smile was sharp. Too sharp, and he could feel it. Even with the drunkenness running through his veins, Laurent’s nerves were on fire.

“Okay,” Damen said.

“Okay?”

“Yes, I said yes!” Damen laughed, and turned to face Laurent more fully. “You go first.”

Laurent made a show of thinking before starting again: “How long have we been friends?”

Damen’s smile turned dopey. “Hmm. Five years? No, six. Was that just a test?”

“Maybe,” Laurent couldn’t help but be charmed by Damen’s drunken earnestness. “Your turn.”

“How do you get your hair to be so soft?” Damen asked in wonder, reaching out a finger to twirl a golden loc around.

Laurent laughed. “Conditioner.”

“Never tried that,” Damen said thoughtfully, which made Laurent laugh again. Damen, being Damen, joined in, until both men were giggling uncontrollably on the floor for no apparent reason.

It was when their laughter started to die down that Laurent decided to rip the Band-Aid off.

“Are you in love with me?”

Damen’s laughter abruptly cut off. Laurent couldn’t bring himself to meet Damen’s gaze, so he opted to stare down at his crossed legs and fidgeting hands.

Wordlessly, Damen poured himself a shot and downed it in one go. Laurent risked a glance up and was met with Damen’s solemn face, uncharacteristically stoic.

“My turn.” Damen said in a rush. “How long have you been awake when I kiss your forehead at night?”

“A couple months now.” Damen wasn’t meeting his eyes, so Laurent pushed on. “Do you want me?”

Another shot, downed hastily by an increasingly-drunk Damen who still refused to make eye contact.

A shred of irritation slithered into Laurent’s heart. Why wouldn’t Damen just talk to him?

“Do you ever think about it? Us together?” Damen went to pour another shot, but before he could say anything else, Laurent shot to his feet.

“Oh, so you’re just not going to answer me, then? You’re not going to answer any of my questions? How about this: Have you ever thought about fucking me? About me naked underneath you? About us kissing and holding hands and going on dates in public together?”

Damen raised the shot glass to his lips, but Laurent knocked it out of his hand before it reached his mouth. Finally, Damen met Laurent’s gaze, and the panic that had been seizing Laurent’s heart for months seemed to be reflected in his dark irises.

“Stand up and talk to me, idiot, before I leave this apartment and never come back,” Laurent hissed.

Slowly, Damen rose to his feet. “I love you,” Laurent managed to get out, despite his throat closing up with emotion. “And if you don’t love me back, I’m not going to wait around and–”

Between one second and the next, Damen had a strong arm wrapped around Laurent’s waist and was pulling him in, closer and closer until their mouths met.

Laurent could only freeze, everything in his body coming to a halt, as he registered what was happening. Damen was kissing him. He had refused to answer all of his questions, and yet–

“You’re the idiot,” Damen whispered into the scant space in between their lips when he pulled away. “I’ve been in love with you the whole time.”

“But– I– you–” Laurent tried and failed to get a coherent sentence out.

“I thought you were asking all of those questions because you were mad I was carrying you to bed and kissing you goodnight,” Damen laughed. “Granted, I am quite drunk and not thinking straight, but that’s not the point.”

“The point is–” Damen began, but interrupted himself to steal another quick kiss. “I want you more than anything in the world. I’m happy with your friendship if that’s all you’re willing to give, but you need to know I’ve been in love with you for years.”

The room seemed to come into sharper focus, as if every detail in Damen’s apartment had been hiding from Laurent previously.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Laurent could hear the shrill tone in his voice, his incredulity overcoming all reason.

“Laurent,” Damen deadpanned. “I’ve barely dated anyone else the entire time we’ve been friends and I make you food all the time. You’re my emergency contact for everything. Hell, you’re the only one of our friends who has a key to my apartment. Was I not making myself clear enough?”

After a moment of contemplation, Laurent could only laugh.

“What?” Damen asked defensively, as Laurent leaned forward to rest his head against Damen’s shoulder, stifling his giggles in the fabric of Damen’s sweater.

“I just… this whole time?”

“Yes.”

When Laurent pulled back, he was met with the softest look he’d ever seen on Damen’s face. It was almost unbearable. And yet, he could bear it. For Damen, he would.

Laurent leaned in for another kiss. “Six years, huh?”

“Mm-hm,” Damen murmured against his lips.

“I guess we have lots of lost time to make up for,” Laurent smirked, and grabbed Damen’s hand.

“We are both way too drunk to have coordinated sex right now,” Damen warned, and Laurent laughed.

“Not sex,” Laurent said, and took back his spot in front of the couch. “We’re playing the questions game again, and this time you don’t get to evade. I need some answers, starting with a detailed explanation of when exactly you started to like me as more than a friend.”

The wicked yet playful look on Laurent’s face made Damen groan.

This was going to be a long night. Somehow, Damen couldn’t find it within himself to care.

Read this on AO3.

#captive prince #my writing #hi blue thank you so much for requesting this im sorry it took me so long omg #much love forever and always you're the best <3 #ask #i kinda got carried away writing this bc i miss my gf HAH

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years ago

Text

Sun and Fun (S2, E12)

I can’t believe FOX has cancelled this absolute masterpiece of a show. I’m devastated. I’d like to think we’ll get picked up by another network for season 3 but I’m a pessimist and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ll be hanging around the fandom either way though.

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - Malcolm losing it in Martin’s cell? *chef’s kiss*. 1) excellent performance by Tom. 2) This is the Malcolm mental health content I subscribed for. This is Malcolm feeling overwhelmed, helpless, worthless, and frustrated all at the same time. This. Is. Wonderful. And. Realistic. This is what overwhelming anxiety (especially if you have an anxiety disorder) can feel like. It builds and builds until all of a sudden you’re consumed with all this nervous energy and frustration and it all turns to rage in an instant. But you’re not angry at other people. You don’t want to hurt anyone. That rage is just self hatred because you hate that you feel this broken and your stupid brain won’t function normally.

0:33 - annnnd then when the excess nervous energy is spent but that feeling of self-hatred, despair, and fear still remains - you’re physically exhausted and 7/10. times you cry. Again, crying because of how stupid you feel for your little rage outburst, for how stupid you feel for feeling this terrible all the time. Malcolm is depicting a severe anxiety episode perfectly (in my experience) and THIS is why FOX is moronic for cancelling the show. The gorgeous and accurate depictions of mental health in Prodigal Son is unprecedented, truthful, and heartbreaking. It’s like nothing else on television.

0:50 - This kind of hurts. Look at how cautiously Dani enters the room. Almost as if Malcolm is a wild animal she doesn’t want to scare. It makes sense given the state of the room she just entered and how completely openly and uncharacteristically vulnerable Malcolm is. I will say this though, despite how cautious she is, it’s obvious that she cares about Malcolm more than whatever happened before she walked into the room.

1:03 - “So all eyes are on his head case son right?” This line is a direct quote from Malcolm’s anxiety disorder and depression. This is how you feel about yourself when in the middle of an anxiety episode when you’re also depressed. BUT OUR GIRL DANI!!! <3 This girl looks confused and concerned to hear Malcolm diss himself like that. The fact that she tries to comfort him when he’s in this state, makes her an absolutely A++ friend.

1:11 - “No one cares about that.” “I CARE. I can’t live like this.” This scene resonates with me so so so much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been 100% aware of how irrational my anxieties are and simultaneously 100% unable to do a damn thing about it because I’m too scared of who I’d be without the fear. Because I’ve defined myself by my anxieties for so long that it’s become the only definable element of my personality visible to me. I’m getting that vibe from Malcolm. I’m sure that’s exactly how he’s feeling right now.

1:30 - “That’s not what scares you. What scares you is living the rest of your life without your father in it.” Dani knows and I felt personally called out. THIS EMOTIONAL WHUMP IS GIVING ME LIFE. <3

1:39 - Look at our floppy haired, devastated boy. :( <3 I’m genuinely shook that he didn’t have a full mental breakdown this episode (but it’s coming....it’s inevitable at this point :) ). ALSO the look of absolute love and concern Dani is shooting towards Malcolm? Absolutely perfect. <3

1:51 - I genuinely find it so interesting that Malcolm keeps referring to “The Surgeon” as “Martin”. If you read my thoughts on 2x11 you know I think it’s because Malcolm has separated ‘Martin Whitly’ into three separate people in his head. “The Surgeon” = the serial killer who traumatized him and ruined his childhood. “Dad/Father” = the man who loved and cared for baby!Malcolm. But “Martin” = unknown. Malcolm doesn’t know who Martin is yet and it scares him.

1:58 - “For once in your life slow down and acknowledge what this is doing to you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this line. So. So. SO. MUCH. <3 <3 This is the kind of comfort Malcolm needs. SOMEONE needs to tell him that he’s breaking, it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t deserve to suffer for Martin.

2:07 - annnnnnd Malcolm has gone full crazy-person string murder board. He’s right but he’s still acting like a manic crazy person. Like, a real one. Not his usual manic behaviour. This is straight up - this boy needs medication, a nap, therapy, and a doctor. Now.

2:34 - Ugh. This whole cop/Vivian scene made my skin crawl. So gross. So creepy. I hate Capshaw. So much. This woman is manipulative, evil, and so so creepy. The cop was also gross. But I 100% thought she was going to kill the cop because this felt like an opening scene to Criminal Minds.

4:38 - “THEY WERE HAVING SEX.” hhahahahahahaha holy shit. This is both hilarious and really upsetting (not just because Martin/Capshaw is NASTY). Malcolm is manically, yelling about his theories in a room full of people who love him. He sounds crazy. He’s acting crazy and Dani, JT, and Gil are just staring at him with a mixture of disbelief, concern, and sympathy. <3 It’s heartbreaking. Malcolm is an inch away from a mental breakdown. I’m here for it.

4:49 - “TMI bro.” <3

5:05 - Ugh. This breaks my heart. The team doesn’t think Malcolm is crazy. They just know he’s at the end of his rope. The looks they’re exchanging aren’t based in anger, contempt, or a lack of trust. They’re based in concern and I LOVE IT.

5:21 - LOOK AT OUR BABY. He’s breaking. He’s so close. :( Look at how desperate he is to find Martin.

5:35 - “That’s exactly what it means.” “Gil, please. You know how much I need this.” THIS HURTS. Gil isn’t angry here - he’s frustrated and scared for Malcolm. And Malcolm? This boy is toeing the line of a full breakdown in front of 3 of his favourite people - that’s out of character for him. Despite the shaking hand and general mania - Malcolm usually refrains from raising his voice in front of Dani and JT. He tries to stay calm-ish so he doesn’t get labelled as ‘violent’ like his serial killer father.

5:39 - “StOp. I am scared.” Dani knew exactly how to diffuse the situation. Malcolm can be manipulative and dysfunctional but he never wants to scare people (at least, not unless they’re suspects or obstructing justice).

5:46 - “I’m not ordering you this time. I’m begging you.” Papa!Gil’s seen Malcolm like this before. SO WHY IS NO ONE HUGGING MALCOLM?!?! The boy is clearly coming apart at the seams.

5:48 - Malcolm’s reaction to Gil sending him home is gorgeous. He looks sad, betrayed, and resigned. It’s as though he’s convinced himself that the team doesn’t trust him or care about him anymore. He doesn’t walk out angry. He walks out sad and determined. Head held high but eyes full of grief.

5:54 - I’d give anything to have heard the conversation between Dani, JT, and Gil after Malcolm left the room. ANYTHING.

6:02 - “He thinks I’m a liability.” No. Not exactly. He thinks Malcolm is in the throws of a mental health crisis and that he shouldn’t be responsible for catching his serial killer father. Again.

6:15 - “I support Gil’s decision. That does not mean I want your father dead.” #coparenting but also, true. I honestly don’t think Jessica wants Martin dead. I think she wants Ainsley and Malcolm to be happy and free from Martin but not dead. She knows that Malcolm might never recover from Martin’s death with all of his unanswered questions and suppressed childhood trauma. She also knows that Ainsley would always resent being prevented from bonding with her father. I think Jessica still loves Martin - well, the man she thought she married. Jessica doesn’t care for Martin Whitly. But she loves the man he pretended to be and even though she knows he wasn’t real - she doesn’t want him to die. I think she wants him to disappear (maybe get transferred to a prison in a different state?) but she doesn’t want him dead. That would make her no better than the serial killer (in Jessica’s mind anyways).

6:25 - “You have become consumed by this Malcolm.” Check out the side eyed look Ainsley gives Malcolm. She’s jealous. Her brother is on the verge of a mental breakdown but she’s jealous of the attention he’s getting from Jessica. I get it - Jessica hasn’t been the best mom to Ainsley. BUT GIRL, gain some perspective. Don’t you care about your brother?!?! That should trump the jealousy for a few minutes at least.

6:35 - “I love you.” <3 <3 <3 I’m going to cry. This might be my favourite Jessica+Malcolm moment to date. So precious.

6:43 - THIS. “I love you. Both of you. More than I hate him.” This is why Jessica doesn’t want Martin dead.....but she also doesn’t care if he lives. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it’s a real thing and if you’ve never felt that way about someone - I pray you never have to.

7:06 - “Then she’s a victim.” .....I disagree. Capshaw had a (weird and manipulative) consensual relationship with Martin. She has as much of an agenda as Martin (although, Jessica didn’t know that here). Capshaw isn’t a victim. She’s not being compliant with Martin as a form of self-preservation or fear. She’s doing it because she’s a manipulative crazy person who is in love with a convicted serial killer.

7:45 - I’ve never felt this unsettled while watching Prodigal Son. Capshaw showing her true colours is so so so disturbing. This woman is insane (with all the stigma). The dress. The martini (Jessica’s favourite drink?). The fact that she dressed Martin up in a suit. The music. The weirdly elegant wheelchair. The lovey way she’s talking. It all makes my skin crawl.

8:33 - OMG. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel bad for Martin Whitly?!?!?!

9:55 - JESSICA AND MALCOLM doing a rich person ambush tag-team IS AMAZING. <3

9:57- How sad is this? 23 years and Jessica still can’t walk into a room without people whispering and judging her behind her back. :( This woman keeps her head held high - despite the pain she must be in - she’s a superhero. Change my mind.

10:30 - "Malcolm Whitly? You're.." I have this headcanon that the general public assumes Malcolm is dead. He changed his last name and fell off the grid. People treat Jessica like a social pariah so she wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise. And sure, Ainsley referred to Malcolm in the present tense during her Surgeon interview but how many people actually watched it actually paid attention to that little tidbit after Martin went full blown psychopath on camera? Plus, no one really cares about the Surgeon's son enough to look him up 23 years later. At least, no one who matters.

11:25 - Like mother, like son. You can't change my mind. They have the same manipulation style. It's justice based and determined. Ainsley and Martin's style? Vindictive and self-serving.

11:30 - Oh look. ANOTHER CONTINUITY ERROR. WHO PROOFREADS THESE SCRIPTS?!? I CAN’T KEEP OVERLOOKING THESE. For God’s sake. Send copies of the script to fans who sign NDAs or something. At least we know what happened in previous episodes.

12:33 - "Gross." I'm with Ainsley on this one.

12:45 - "My assistant." "Long suffering". hahahha omg. I love this for two reasons: 1) it's hilarious 2) it's true. Malcolm literally disposed of a body for Ainsley. He's her assistant and he's suffered for it.

13:05 - Yo. This dude is whack. Like this is some serious Stockholm's syndrome going on here. Vivian is his hero?!? .........I can't.

13:55 - Why do the gifts Vivian sends Zeiger look like human bones? Damn this is twisted. This is like some sort of twisted serial killer pseudo-trophy situation?

14:52 - "I don't think Vivian is the victim here. I think our father is." Yikes. This is not going to help Malcolm's mental stability. At all. He's been trying to fully accept that his father is a serial killing monster who was literally never capable of loving him for the past 23 years. BUT NOW our boy has taken the role of 'good son' (prodigal son is you will) and has returned to his 10 year old mentality "I love dad. Dad loves me." and 'dad' is in trouble. Malcolm is trying to save his serial killer father and the emotional and mental hoops he's jumping through are terrifying, complex, and hauntingly realistic. <3 It's gorgeous.

15:04 - "I'm not used to this type of confinement." I love this line because of how deeply it rings true. Martin isn't used to confinement. Sure, he's been chained to a wall for 23 years but he's been relatively happy about it. He's been able to manipulate Malcolm and the other inmates. He's been given TV time, phone time, consultations, books, music, free food, and a massive private cell (seriously that cell is as big as the bachelor's suite I rent for $900 CAD a month). The man has been living a life of luxury (given his crimes). His only 'punishment'? He's stuck inside his cell and he's not allowed to kill anymore. THIS is Martin truly suffering. I kind of feel bad for him (which I never thought I'd say).

15:20 - Damn. Michael Sheen is incredible. He's genuinely making me feel concerned and scared for Martin.

15:32 - Something tells me a man hurt Capshaw in some way throughout her life. This has to be deeper than the whole "I didn't fit into the 'boys club' of surgery". Her issues with men are aggressive and alarming. This woman is nuts. This woman is why I hesitate to call myself a feminist (I generally think we should drop the titles of feminist/misogynist/racist/homophobe... and just treat people with respect. I think the titles and groups just further divide people.)

15:50 - "You're finally free." Yep. Capshaw is a nutcase. She actually believes that she's committed a perfect crime.

16:09 - This place has virtually no furniture but I’m expected to believe someone is paying the phone bill?!?! Nah.

17:08 - That. Smile. This woman is a devil. Like, I think I hate her as much as I hate Umbridge. But unlike Umbridge, Capshaw is downright terrifying.

17:12 - Was anyone else kind of surprised that Martin called Jessica? I mean, I guess she was a safer choice than the cops but still...

17:20 - As creepy and this whole ‘Martin is a victim’ thing is - it’s kind of nice? Like - I just keep thinking “How does it feel Martin?!?! This is how you made your victims feel. Do you like it?” and then I realize I’m a terrible person.

17:55 - Ainsley’s in on this. I swear, she’s somehow involved with either Capshaw or Martin.

18:18 - Oh look. Martin is shackled to the bed. Just like Malcolm shackles himself to bed so he can sleep every night. .....I keep oscillating between being vindictive toward Martin and feeling bad for him. That’s what makes this show incredible. The ‘villain’ is human and 3 dimensional.

18:44 - Oh God. The psychopath is jealous. This woman is UNSTABLE. How has no one locked her up yet?!?

19:43 - She’s crying. She’s actually crying. Even the rewatch of this scene is painful. I just feel so uncomfortable (which was probably the intent) and I hate both characters. They’re both actively trying to manipulate each other and it’s so creepy. Damn.

20:15 - Holy. Shit. This woman is by far the scariest villain Prodigal Son has given us.

21:17 - ..............I have nothing to say. My brain has short circuited. I can’t get past how horrifying this scene is. She’s a maniac.

21:57 - No one will make eye contact with Malcolm. :( They all think he’s losing it but they’re not scared of him. They’re scared for him.

22:10 - “A trusted member of my team has a theory I run it down.” THANK YOU GIL. SUBTLY TELL MALCOLM THAT YOU TRUST HIM. That’s what he needed to hear. He was doubting that anyone cared. :(

22:45 - “Do you HeAr yourself?!?” Ouch. Gil’s right - Malcolm sounds nuts. Unfortunately, Malcolm’s also right (more or less). Look at how sad Malcolm is - he honestly looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. :( Malcolm thinks Gil doesn’t trust him anymore. Malcolm thinks Gil thinks he’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. SOMEONE HUG THIS LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL.

22:54 - JT, buddy. Not the time. You’re making this worse. :( Malcolm is two breaths away from crying.

23:40 - “Dani, you up for this? Cause he sure isn’t.” Gil is losing it. Look at him. Gil is watching the boy he considers as his son unravel and Gil can’t do anything about it.

23:45 - “Either way, he’s going there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” I love Dani for this. Brightwell or not - the fact that she’s willing to chase smoke in an attempt to keep Malcolm from having a full mental breakdown makes her a hero.

23:48 - JT, hug Gil! He needs a hug!

24:16 - Martin is screaming while shackled to a bed.....where have I seen this before?

25:39 - “I did this for you because you needed it.”....”Dani, I respect you.” Excuse me while I go sob in the corner. Malcolm just uttered the words “I respect you.” and my heart exploded.

26:11 - “You don’t care. None of you care if my father lives or dies.” No, Malcolm, you’re wrong. They care. They all care so so much. Not about the life of the Martin Whitly though. They care about how Martin Whitly will continue to torment you if he’s caught alive. They care about how badly you’ll grieve if he ends up dying. They care about how this will affect YOU. because they love you.

26:22 - “You would be free.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI! He’d be in enormous pain for a while, but Malcolm would heal.

26:56 - “Let him go, Malcolm.” <3 <3 Malcolm is listening to Dani. He’s opening up about his fears. This is good (for Malcolm’s mental health). I am happy.

27:04 - WOW BABY! That kiss was......passionate? I mean, we all knew they were going to kiss (thanks previews) but I honestly didn’t expect a kiss this long or passionate? They’ve both been clearly denying their feelings for each other for a while though so I guess it makes sense?

27:20 - We all know Dani was going to talk about how they could make a relationship work for them and/or how she loves Malcolm but thinks he should focus on his mental health before they start dating. BUT MALCOLM? That boy thinks he just ruined his friendship with Dani and I’m heartbroken. Look at his sad little face. :(

28:31 - sooooo when exactly did Malcolm’s phone call drop? I feel like Ainsley had more access to the conversation that just what she shares with Dani in a couple of minutes.

29:08 - Look at this sad, scared little boy. He genuinely thinks that saving Martin will earn Martin’s love. I’m heartbroken.

29:22 - THIS. Malcolm is so desperate for Martin’s love that he essentially consented to being kidnapped, tortured, and potentially murdered. :( This is bad.

30:06 - Malcolm took unknown drugs from a crazy person. UGH. The stress of loving this unstable man-child is going to kill me. I’m so worried for him. ALSO WHO THE HELL CHEWS PILLS?!?! That’s disgusting.

30:24 - Dani thinks Malcolm is being a typical guy - terrified of relationships/talking about his feelings. She’s hurt. The Brightwell ship has encountered another storm.

30:35 - Anyone else get major flashbacks to 1x11 when Gil shows up to the townhouse to tell Jessica that Malcolm’s been kidnapped? You know, when he walks past all the reporters?!

30:50 - Ugh. :( Poor Jessica. That call from Capshaw gave her quite the emotional dilemma. As she said earlier, she loves her children more than she hates Martin. Soooo does she tell someone about the call, save Martin, and let Martin continue to torment her children? Or does she let Capshaw kill Martin, compromise her morals, let her children grieve for a while - but ultimately heal? It’s an impossible choice.

31:13 - “I know why you’re anxious Jess.” UGH. Get yourself a man you looks at you the way Gil look at Jessica. So much love. So much concern. If Gil wasn’t fictional and I wasn’t asexual (and 24) I would marry that man.

31:23 - “He has become convinced that his father is a victim in all of this.” Gil is so upset. He’s angry - at Martin for having this much power over Malcolm so many years later. He’s angry that Malcolm is still suffering so much because of his father. He’s upset because Martin is still hurting the people Gil loves 23 years after he was initially arrested.

31:33 - “There’s no good outcome here Jess.” Thank you. Gil is a man with awareness into Malcolm’s psyche. He knows this is going to hurt Malcolm no matter what happens. He’s scared and he’s bracing himself for impact. I love him. I want more people in the world who love people this deeply.

31:50 - “It’s okay to hope for that you know.” THANK YOU GIL. THANK YOU. Someone needed to tell Jessica that she’s not a monster for wanting the reason her children continue to suffer to disappear (even if tha means he dies). It’s not a malicious, evil thought toward Martin. It’s a hope for her children’s wellbeing.

32:04 - “And in my weaker moments, I want him dead too.” <3 I’m imagining Gil praying that Martin is killed by an inmate after he comforts a teenage Malcolm from a nightmare. I’m imagining Gil praying Riker’s finally kills Martin as he watched Malcolm spiral into Martin’s grasp again last year. I’m imagining Gil crying himself to sleep because he’s so damn tired of watching Jessica and Malcolm suffer because of Martin. I love him for it. <3

32:15 - “Maybe things could be different.” .....I’m sorry. Does this mean Gillica is off again?! The flirting and dancing from 2x9 meant nothing?!? It was a hoax?!? I’m furious.

32:35 - “It’s the actions that matter.” Damn. Gil is too good for the nonsense that is the Whitly family. Doesn’t he know that life isn’t always that simple?

32:46 - Annnnnd now Jessica will convince herself that she’s a bad person because she didn’t tell anyone about Capshaw’s call. She will also convince herself that she’s not good enought for Gil. AND I will cry myself to sleep.

32:55 - That hug <3 Sooooo Gillica is still on? I’m hella confused.

33:05 - There it is. Dani is still upset with Malcolm. The Brightwell ship is taking in water my dudes.

33:52 - Wow. He looks pretty in that makeshift hospital bed. Sleeves rolled up. Shirt half unbuttoned. Glazed, disoriented look about him as he wakes from a drugged sleep. <3 I’m in heaven.

34:30 - This is why Malcolm can never let Martin go. There are moments when Martin absolutely convinces Malcolm that he loves him.

34:50 - “Because he also happens to be my father.” THIS. IS. THE. MOST. REALISTIC. PORTRAYAL. OF. ABUSIVE. DADDY. ISSUES. Take from someone who lived through an abusive Dad. You hate him. You know he’s messed up. You don’t like or respect him. But a part of you will always love him. Even though you hate that part of yourself.

35:12 - “I want all of you.” .....I’m terrified. This woman is crazy. Crazier than the Surgeon. Is that possible?

36:05 - “You want him to love you. But he can’t.” Have you said that to yourself Malcolm? You know that logically but you don’t feel that in your heart. ....and the writers don’t know that because we’ve seen that Martin loves Malcolm? Sort of? Unless the writers are playing some sort of weird long con on us.

36:50 - This is whump content I signed up for. This crazy bitch just killed Malcolm. We saw the terror in his eyes. BUT HE LIVES. So. I’m. Here. For. It.

36:58 - Martin’s devotion to Malcolm is so so interesting to me. Martin is a psychopath - he’s not supposed to be capable of love. But he clearly loves Malcolm. How? Why? It makes no sense but I love it?

37:47 - Malcolm’s little wheeze when Vivian starts mitigating the embolism. <3 So cute.

37:53 - “I can do without the mansplaining.” I’m getting PTSD. There are too many real women who are this crazy about feminism and mansplaining (this is coming from a woman). Martin isn’t trying to ‘mansplain’ he’s scared and he’s trying to save his son. That’s not mansplaining. He’s not explaining something because he thinks Vivian doesn’t know it. He’s explaining something in a desperate attempt to remind her of the severity of the situation.

38:16 - HOW THE HELL did Ainsley and Dani know where Martin, Capshaw, and Malcolm were? Either 1) Ainsley is somehow working with Capshaw, or 2) they were able to trace Malcolm’s cell (assuming Capshaw didn’t trash it), or 3) Ainsley knew her mom was lying about that phone call and they had it traced?, or 4) this is a convenient plot thing.

38:34 - This bitch is devious and I hate her.

39:30 - Martin Whitly is the hero of the episode. What alternate reality are we living in?

41:15 - Malcolm struggling for breath. <3 The whumpers are being FED.

41:17 - “Run.” This is 23 years of guilt for turning his own father into the police surfacing.

41:31 - “Where’s my family?” I honestly don’t know how I feel about this line. It bothers me but I can’t figure out why.

41:43 - This ending sequence is a work of ART. Malcolm is in physical and emotional pain. Dani (without backup) trying to save Malcolm from Martin. The epic music. The shot of Dani seeing the blood-filled syringe next to the makeshift hospital bed+restraints. Martin Whitly. Driving. A. Boat. And. Laughing - completely elated - with Malcolm passed out (and looking adorable) in the aft seating. The fact that the ONLY house you can see on the shoreline is the house the just escaped from.

THIS EPISODE WAS EXCITING, STRESSFUL, AND WONDERFUL. I’m excited for the SEASON finale and I pray we get a season 3 from a network other than FOX.

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petite-ely · 4 years ago

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Together

Pairing: JJ Maybanks x female reader

Warnings: mentions of social anxiety and other mental health issues, slight swearing and slight mention of underage drinking.

A/N: this story is mainly based upon my own experiences and struggles with anxiety and social anxiety. I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing mental illnesses. If you need help you can always talk to me or contact crisis hotlines. It gets better, I know it. (Also this is the first time I post on tumblr and I am a very anxious bby please send feedback, it would make me very happy, okay thank you.)

Summary: Reader has been suffering from social anxiety for a long time. One night, everything falls apart and she hopes nobody notices.

Word count: 1,700 ish

This represents y/n’s thought and this jj’s.

Picture found on Pinterest, all credits to rightful owner.

It was a typical Friday night in the outer banks, the pogues had organized yet another kegger and the party was roaring. Y/n was sitting on a hard lump of wood, enjoying the music and the dancing flames of the bonfire. You could even see a soft smile drawn onto her lips. She felt good.

That changed quickly. One minute she was fine and the next she couldn’t feel anything anymore. Emptiness. It was all she could feel. Like she was nothing but a large void. It felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs, leaving her breathless and frightened.

It happened more and more lately. Small moments of disorientation where she couldn’t feel anything at all. These episodes usually happened when she was alone and didn’t last very long, but this time it was different. It felt much worse.

You’re so disgusting, and pathetic.

Not wanting anyone to see her in this state, she left silently, ashamed of herself. It’s not as though anyone would miss her anyway. She wasn’t very popular. She had friends, of course, but not that many.

There was John B, a friendly guy who everybody knew because, well he was John B.

There was also Pope, who was kind and smart, but that everyone knew because of his father Heyward’s business.

Then there was Kie, a cute hippie girl with a passion for environmental issues. Born a kook, but a pogue at heart.

And finally there was JJ, one of the best surfer in the Outer Banks. He was well known for his charm, being a pothead and his tendencies of getting into fights with kooks.

The five of them hung out almost every day and yet if you showed a photo of the group to an islander, they probably wouldn’t be able to identify y/n.

She was invisible, unseen. She was that one girl who was always with the four pogues. The one who nobody chose for projects. The one teachers never picked on. The one who no one noticed. She was nothing.

As she was sitting on the damp sand, small waves crashing onto her bare feet, tears began to roll down her cheeks. She wanted to scream, tell the whole world how she felt, but no sound came out. She couldn’t speak. Only her breathing was heard. She couldn’t move either, and yet she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.

“You better reuse that plastic cup Maybank, or I’ll make you eat it,” threatened Kie, after JJ placed his empty cup on the ground.

The boy rolled his eyes and threw the red cup at his friend. “Keep it safe for me, I’m going to find y/n.”

“She was sitting by the bonfire, like five minutes ago,” said John B.

“Well not anymore,” muttered the blond when his eyes landed on the empty seat.

JJ wandered around the boneyard, looking for his friend. A bad feeling started to grow in the pit of his stomach. So after looking around the boneyard for more than half an hour, the boy became more and more worried.

Biting off the nails of his hand, he scanned the crowd once more. Y/n and him had been friends since they were little and they knew each other better than anyone else. He knew that she would never leave a party without saying goodbye.

Where could she be, he wondered, taking his hat off to run his hand through it.

A sigh of relief left his lips as he saw the small silhouette of his friend, sitting on the beach, away from the party. As he got closer, he noticed the shiny streams on her cheeks he remembered how distant she had been recently.

How she smiled less frequently and how she didn’t talk as much. How she didn’t eat as much and how her leg was always bouncing under the table. How her fists we’re always closed tightly and how tired she looked. The dark circles under her eyes and the nothingness in her gaze. It was like she wasn’t there anymore.

JJ’s face twisted into a sad expression. He felt bad for not noticing it earlier, like it was his fault. It pained him to see her this way, in such a distressed state.

He sat next to her, making her flinch in surprise. “Hey,” he spoke softly, “are you okay?” She wiped her tears away and nodded her head.

“Y/n, please don’t lie.” His voice was small and full of empathy, like he felt the same way she did.

So pathetic, even when doing nothing you’re hurting your friends. How could anyone love you, she said to herself.

“I- uh I-“ she tried to speak but failed, choking on her words.

Panic filled the girl’s mind as she was suddenly aware of what was happening. Her heart tightened in her chest and pain shot up in her rib cage. Her hands were shaking even more and her legs felt numb.

JJ noticed how her eyes were filled with fear and how loud and uneven her breathing had become. She was having a panic attack. It had happened a few times before so he knew how to help her.

“Hey, hey hey,” he placed his arms around her and held her tightly. “You’re okay. I’m here with you, okay? Everything is going to be okay. Now I want you to listen to my voice and do exactly what I say, can you do that?” She nodded, JJ gave her a reassuring smile.

“Okay, good. Now every time you feel a wave crashing on your feet, I want you to take a deep breath and when you feel another one coming, you let it all out, “ she nodded once more.

They both looked down at the ocean and waited for a wave to come. “In,” the wave left the shore slowly and came back a few seconds later. “and out.”

“good, you’re doing good. In and out. That’s it.” JJ’s hand was now tracing small patterns on the back of the girl’s back, so softly she could barely feel it. “Now I want you to talk to me, can you do that for me?”

Her breathing had now slowed down to a regular rhythm and so had her tremors, but she had terror spread across her face.

“I want you-,” he paused wiping away with his free hand the tears off of her warm cheeks, “-to tell me three things that you can see right now.”

“I-“ she shook her head in denial, “no.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay you can do it y/nn.” His voice was warm and so reassuring. Just hearing it helped her calm down.

“I- uh I can, I can se see the ocean,” her voice was shaky and weak.

“Huh uh, keep breathing.”

“and um the uh the-the stars,” she stopped for a second to take a deep breath, her hand reaching out to his. The blond boy flinched at the contact, her skin was freezing cold.

“I-I can also see your eyes,” she finished, her voice sounding smoother and more confident.

JJ offered a warm smile, “good, now tell me two things you can hear.”

Y/n broke the eye contact and started a tte ocean, concentrating on what she could hear. “I hear music playing from the party and uh the waves crashing.”

She was no longer crying or shaking but JJ kept going. “ Name one thing you can feel.”

“Only one?” He shook his head in agreement.

“Your heart,” she stared into his eyes, “I can feel beating in my hand.”

“Good.”

JJ looked away silently. He wanted to ask her what had happened, but he didn’t. Instead he remained quiet and admired the star shining above his head.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked out. “It’s just that lately, it’s like I can’t feel anything at all-“ she wrapped her arms around her knees, “-it’s like the only thing I care about is what others will think about me.”

“Don’t wear that skirt, people will think you’re a slut. Don’t say anything or they’ll think you’re annoying. Did you see them, they’re laughing at you, shouldn’t have said anything. Did you really say that? Ugh you should have let somebody else talk, what a waste of time. He didn’t answer you? Well that’s because he hates you. There’s a party? Don’t go. Nobody likes you anyway, they’re just gonna judge you, they hate you.”

“Y/n, you know none of that is true, we do love you.”

“I know, but I can’t help it! I can’t stop it. And I’m so tired of feeling that way. I just want it to stop.” A single tear rolled down on the side of her face.

“Oh god, y/n.”

“I’m so dumb. I’m here talking to you about my little problems, but you’ve got problems much worse than mine. Jesus I’m so stupid.”

JJ looked at the girl next to him. She looked so small and vulnerable. He could see the pain in her expression and it hurt him so much. He wanted to hold and kiss her, but he was afraid of breaking her. She looked so fragile.

If only she knew how loved she is.

“No y/n, you’re not stupid or dumb. It’s not because I have a shitty life and a jack ass for a dad that your problems are not valid. You’re living something really intense and scary right now but I can assure you that I understand. We’ll get trough this together okay?”

They were both crying messes at this point, but neither of them cared anymore. The small girl opened her arms to boy beside her. Through her gesture a message was hidden, and JJ understood it perfectly. He held her tightly against his chest. Her tears were wetting his shoulder and his were falling onto the messe that was her hair. Her hands were grasping firmly that soft cotton of his sweatshirt, afraid he would let go.

“Don’t let go of me, please,” she implored. “I don’t want you to leave me, ever. I can’t do this without you J.”

“I won’t y/n, I won’t leave you, I promise.”

“We’ll get through it, we’ll get you help and we’ll survive this together, okay?” A sob left the blond’s mouth. “I promise, okay, I promise.”

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elysiashelby · 4 years ago

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In Another World - T. Shelby Imagine Ch. 12

Paring: (Eventual) Thomas Shelby x Aliena Welsh (OC)

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Word Count: 10,468

WARNINGS: Angst, Alcohol Consumption (borders abuse), Cursing, FIGHT SCENE (Detailed), Existential Crisis, Mentions of Blood & Bones Breaking

Summary: Aliena’s 18th birthday has arrived, but her mental health isn’t doing so well. She’s feeling more distant from the Shelby’s and in her role in their universe. Aliena has been partying a lot, drinking a lot of alcohol. How is that affecting her?

MASTERLIST CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 13

A/N: This chapter has a fight scene. It’s mildly detailed, but be warned. Thomas does interact with Aliena in this chapter, however; it’s not a huge part of this chapter. Along with the previous chapter, this chapter centers on Aliena. Also, she’s still very depressed. BLACK LINE BREAK INDICATED START AND END OF FIGHT SCENE!!

Me nose was runny and tears slipped out of me eyes. Cassie was holding back me hair and rubbing me back as I vomited me guts out. I sniffed as I fell to me side. I got a hold of the handle and flushed the toilet.

“Tank you.” I said.

Cassie nodded with her squinted eyes and her lips pursed. “I got you, honey. I got you, Ali.” She was rubbing me arm now and didn’t let go of me hair.

Slowly and not steadily, I stood up. Cassie followed me and didn’t let go of me hair. I turned on the faucet and rinsed me mouth of the taste. As I bent down to spit out the water, I felt a familiar tug on me hair. I raised me hand and tried to whack her grip away. She finally fuckin’ let go.

I gasped for air, looked to me side, and reached for me toothbrush.

Cassie cackled while walking over to the toilet. She put the lid down ‘n sat on it. “Not regretting leaving that here now, are you?”

I rolled me eyes as I brushed me teeth. “Nevah did, ya divvy.” I spat out the excess before going in and brushing me tongue as well.

Anyway after all that, Cassie and I walked out. There was people asleep across the floor, on couches, on chair, ‘n even tables. Me hand flew to me mouth and I felt nauseous again.

“Cassie, we’re not fucking home!” I turned ‘round and clutched her forearm with a fury.

Cassie had the same flabbergasted look on her face.

“We fuckin’ fell asleep in the loo!”

Cassie started gagging and I tsked as I stomped me foot.

“You brushed your teeth with somebody’s else’s toothbrush!” Cassie whispered-shouted.

I whimpered while stomping me feet. “I know I did.” I marched over to Angie and smacked her shoulder. “Angie, wake up! Wake up, we have to go!” I began shaking her.

She protested in her sleep, but eventually she couldn’t take it anymore and shot up.

“All right!” She yelled. “All right, I’m awake.”

“Thank you.” I said with some snap in me tone. I looked over to Tina and luckily, Cassie saved me the trouble of waking her arse up.

“Thank ya Jesus! Let’s fuckin’ go!” I shouted. Some people fucking whined in their sleep while others glared at me. I fucking glared back. The four of us stumbled our way ‘til the front of the house.

“Wait!” Cassie shouted.

I looked back at her and contorted me face in confusion.

She trailed off to the phone while saying, “I have to call Simmons .”

Collectively, we all groaned.

I cradled me head and then let it drop limply. I must have stood there for .5 seconds before I huffed. “I’m waiting outside. Join me if you want!” So, I walked outside and sat down on the steps.

It was fucking freezing! I really hafta to start bringing coats.

“Fuck, Ali! Aren’t you fucking freezing?” Angie asked me as she sat beside me.

I scoffed while rubbing me arms up and down furiously. “Yes, of course, I am.”

Angie opened up her fur coat and ushered me to get in. I did so without hesitation. She shivered as I stole her warmth. Then, we started giggling.

“Fucking London winters!” I shouted. This caused Angie to chuckle.

I could hear the doors open and close at the same time as a car engine did. I looked back to see Cassie and Tina walking out, heels in hand.

“He’s here.” Cassie announced while walking past us.

Angie and I got up and followed suit. I don’t remember the drive because I fell back to sleep. Once we got to her place, we all decided to take a shower. I was made to go last since I had just flopped on the bed and closed me eyes.

I wasn’t asleep, but I didn’t want to be awake either. Tina came and shook me awake when it was me turn. I rolled up, grabbed some towels, and walked into the bathroom.

I turned on the water ‘n made sure it was scalding hot before I stepped in. I sighed in pleasure as I was enveloped in its heat. I ran me hands over me hair and down me neck.

Tommy’s been busy as was the whole family. Finn’s abar to turn twelve, but he’s growing fast. His baby fat is going away and he’s stretching out.

God, was I teased when I came back bladdered the first night I went out! They all had a laugh. Arthur’s booming laugh made me wince which made more snickers go ‘round. Tommy even teased me abar calling him pretty.

“Me eyes still pretty, Aliena?” He asked me.

I tried smacking him, but he swerved and ran off. As much as me head was pounding, we- I was still happy.

I sighed as I lathered me body with soap.

I still feel lost. I’m stuck cleaning and collecting payments from families. I only did that gig every two week, though. So, I took up another job and started helping Polly with the finances. I just double checked her math and did some of me own. The latter was only if we were swamped, though.

I wasn’t getting paid for that either. Two pound was enough, Polly warned me. I didn’t fight it. I saved up a lot of money. I just wasn’t out enough to spend it on much, but now that I am— it’s slowly decreasing.

I huffed as I washed out the shampoo from me hair.

Finn is ‘aving trouble reading, finally. That coupled along with his growing desire to be apart of the family business, he’s getting even more discouraged abar school. Been hanging ‘round with Isaiah Jesus, who was five or six years older than him. Isaiah is a nice enough boy. Honestly, I don’t care what they do. They’re not me own children, after all.

I looked down at the water spiraling into the drain.

That’s a blag. I care deeply with what happens to that kid. Poor thing.

I sighed while turning off the shower. I wrang me hair multiple times to get out as much excess water as I could before bunching it up in a towel.

I didn’t like feeling like a freeloader in that house. It was just wrong. But I couldn’t deny that I loved the days like this where I knew I had no responsibilities because I already took care of them.

I would just sleep in bed. Or, like last night— party ‘til I blacked out. I also started writing again. Some original fantasy story. It was more for the 2000s, so I didn’t dare let anyone read it. After all, they wouldn’t understand some of the jargon I used nor the types of technologies.

Once I was done drying off me body, I began to lather me legs in lotion.

I was partying a lot! Like a lot. I can’t tell you how many times between December 16th and now, that Tommy had carried me off to bed.

I kept telling him that he didn’t have to do that, but he insisted that he was doing it so I wouldn’t get sick. I’ve never not slept with blankets before, so I couldn’t disagree. I mean I did it when I was a child, I’m sure. But, I don’t remember if I got sick over it. I was sick a lot as a child.

I tucked in me towel and walked out. “I’m still alive.” I announced while walking over to me backpack.

“Good. I was afraid you died in there.” Cassie chuckled at her own joke, which made me smile.

I just yanked whatever I could out of it since it was holding everything I needed. New undergarments and clothes. Once I put on me panties, I dropped me towel so I could put on me bra.

I finally looked up and watched as they talked amongst themselves. I tugged me hair towel off and patted me hair dry.

“Hey, Ali. Your birthday is coming up. How do you feel about a party?”

With me back bent as I was drying me hair, I asked. “Where at?”

They collectively began to hum as I began me fight with jeans. I always had to jump once they got to me thighs.

“Well, I wanted to throw you a party at my house.” Angie said as her hands joined in on the conversation.

I froze, instantly. I literally stopped putting on me shirt. “You mean at your mansion?”

She nodded with a sheepish smile on her face.

I let me shirt stay stuck above me bust as I rushed to Angie. I hugged her as she giggled.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I chanted.

“Um, you’re welcome. I guess. I mean, I’m not doing this for a thank you. I want to throw a big party, that’s all. You’re one of my best friends.”

I squeezed her tighter before letting her go. “Still, thank you. ‘Cause you don’t have to throw me a party at all.”

I gave her a big-toothy smile before I launched to kiss her cheek.

I went home the next day, fully sober. Don’t worry, yesterday was a rest day for me liver. Didn’t exactly want to die of a failed liver so soon. What am I talking abar? It’ll catch up to me later in life like with the boys.

Knowing me own luck, its gonna catch up with me sooner. Just watch.

I walked through the door and locked it behind me. It was seven, so I knew that Polly had to be up.

“Polly, I’m home!”

“In the kitchen, love!”

I walked in the room and there she was sitting with Ada and Karl. I cooed at the sight of him. I made grabby hands which made Ada chuckle. She passed him into me arms and I sighed.

“Hello, little one. How are you? Oh, you’re getting heavier. Mummy’s been feeding you right!”

I began to pepper his face in kisses which made him smile.

“So, Ali. Polly’s been telling me that you’ve been to the big city with your friends. How are you liking it?”

I slowly took a seat before answering her. “Um, it’s not bad. I mean, during the day it’s beautiful. Perfect for people visiting, but at night-!” I scoffed while laughing. “It’s like everybody’s morals are gone with the light.”

Polly chortled. “So, like here except you get the same during the day too.”

I rolled me eyes before blowing a raspberry. Karl giggled so I did it again. I looked at Ada and asked, “So, you and Freddie have any luck finding a flat?”

She looked down, picking at her nails. So, that’s a no.

Ada scoffed. “It’s just so much harder than we thought. Things are really heating up within the group and Freddie’s friends can’t take us in because money is tight right now.”

I furrowed me eyebrows. “It is?”

It seems that I stepped on a landmine ‘cause there was a sparkle in Ada’s eyes. And so, she went on a rant abar communism. I only half paid attention, to be polite. Though Polly and I shared multiple judgemental glances at each other.

Karl, eventually, started to get fussy and I gave him back to Ada. Said he was probably hungry.

Polly cleared her throat when Ada stopped talking. “So, Ali, your birthday is coming up. What do you want to do?”

I hummed in thought. “Well, um, one of me friends offered to throw me a party at her place. So, I’m not sure. Plus, everyone is so busy. I don’t want to impose on anything.”

“Well, then. Guess a little celebration at the Garrison the day before wouldn’t be so bad, right?”

I whipped ‘round to see Tommy leaning against the entrance of the kitchen, taking a drag from his ciggie.

I stopped getting after him abar them a while back. Didn’t see the point anymore. Especially now since I smoke too from time to time.

“No, it wouldn’t.”

He nodded. “We can see you drink in action. Wonder how many glasses of whiskey ‘till you feel a buzz?”

I felt me cheeks heat up as Polly and Ada snickered. I went to strike him ‘n he just lifted his arm.

I sighed and leaned on me head with the support of me hand.

“Where am I needed today?” I asked, slightly already exhausted.

Polly hummed as she quickly swallowed her sip of tea. “I’ll be needing your help in the shop. Come on.”

I bit me lip, in order to stop the sigh that wanted to escape me mouth. I looked over at Tommy one last time, who was still looking at me.

I spent the whole day running ‘round for Polly. Counting up money, retrieving money from the boys, and putting it away in the safe. I didn’t know the combination. I was just tossing it in.

When she didn’t need me help, I was to go and make dinner. I did, in fact, make lunch as well.

As I was doing that I went and called Cassie.

“Hello!” Cassie answered with a sing-song tone.

“Hello, Cassie.”

“Oh! Ali, what’s going on?”

I shook me head, even though, she couldn’t see it. “Is nothing. So, the Shelby’s are throwing me a little gatherin’ at the Garrison. You know the bar that Arthur owns now. And I was wondering if you and the girls can make it?”

I heard Cassie hum. “Well, I don’t see why we couldn’t. I know I’ll be there, but let me ask them and I’ll call you back.”

“Okay.”

We hung up and I refocused on finishing dinner. She called me back a little later saying that they agreed to come. Now, all that was left was for the day to come.

Today we were celebratin’ me 18th birthday. I’ve been with the Shelby’s for a year and 11 months. On me first 18th birthday, I was given a car. I wonder what I’m getting this year. Prior to the whole Kimber operation, I had been drawing a lot— but since, I stopped. I still have loads of paint and a single canvas left.

I just hoped that they don’t give me the same thing.

I wasn’t woken up the same way like last year either. It was the sun that woke me. I opened me eyes and laid in bed. I looked at the door in silence then turned away.

I could feel it in the air. Today was not going to be a good day.

I huffed while shutting me eyes close tightly. I slowly got up and turned ‘round so me feet where almost touchin’ the floor. I took a deep breath and let me feet touch the ground.

I figured since we weren’t gonna be at the bar ‘til late at night. I was expected to still do me regular duties. I mean, after all, tomorrow was me birthday. I threw on a simple dress and boots then headed downstairs.

I started working on breakfast. For who? I don’t know. Maybe just for me. I could hear the bustling of the shop. Men shouting.

This empty room. This empty, vacant room with only me filling it.

I closed me eyes and clenched me fists. The stinging pain of me nails diggin’ into me palm distracted me from crying. I shook me head and quickly plated me omelet. The chair scraped against the floor as I pulled it out and then I sat down.

I stared at it and stared.

I’m not that hungry.

“Ali, what’re doing?”

Me head snapped up and I locked eyes with Tommy. I blinked furiously before shaking me head a little, ‘n it really was just a little.

I gulped before taking me fork, cutting a piece, and placed it in me mouth. “I was thinking.” I said with a little scoff, a goofy smile on me face. “Didn’t realize I was thinking that hard.”

He tipped his cap at me with furrowed eyebrows and squinted eyes before he walked off.

I watched him and then dropped me fork. It didn’t taste of anything.

To avoid causing up a stir, I scarfed down the rest of that omelet and then went abar me way.

I went outside and pulled down the laundry. I tried keeping me head clear of everything and anything. But it was impossible. I kept making up plots in me head. I was just so bored without anyone to talk to.

‘I miss the kids.’ I caught meself thinking. I sighed while I clutched the basket closer to me body. I looked away before looking back ‘n walked back into the house. I had to start folding.

Once I folded the clothes, I placed them in the room of their respective owners and then went back downstairs to clean up the place. I was in the middle of sweeping when lunch came ‘round.

I did the usual and brought the boys and Polly their meals. Esme was at home today. However, there was one odd man out, Tommy. He was probably overseeing the designs of his office. They were going to start building soon. He said it would take anywhere from four to seven months.

So with me basket like little red riding hood, I had to go on an adventure to take Tommy his lunch. When I got there, he dismissively thanked me. He literally didn’t even pick up his head, just took the bloody sandwich.

I didn’t even roll me eyes as usual. Didn’t see the point. I just went on me way.

There was this pit in me stomach. It was making itself known more and more by the second.

I gasped in pain and leaned on a wall for support. I started smoothing me stomach by rubbing it harshly. But then I could feel the stares, so I stood up and began on me way again.

By the time I got back, it was already late afternoon. I had to hurry up with the sweeping, dusting, and then beginning to polish the silver. I was not going to be able to finish that today!

I bought meself a type of curling iron and was dying to try it out. It was Tina who suggested it to me. Well, it was curling tongs but I was willing to burn meself to curl me hair.

I picked out a pale-blue, dyed Burberry lace dress for tonight. I’ve been dying to wear it! I had a pale blue undergarment set to match. I put on said undergarments and dress, then worked on me hair.

I got burned a couple of times, but it was worth it. The waves I’d get from having a bun just weren’t the same. I decided against makeup today. I just put on some chapstick and waited for night to roll ‘round.

I kept meself busy by writing. I was on a sex scene for me story. It just kept me mind busy and away from negative thoughts. I didn’t stop writing ‘til there was a knock at me door.

“Ali, dear, are you ready?”

I slammed me journal shut and shoved it in its drawer. “Yeah!” I called out. “I’ll be right out!”

“Okay.”

I got up from me seat and rushed out. I guess from the way I opened me door, Polly flinched. I gave her a sheepish smile.

“Shall we head out?” I asked.

She nodded while giving me a smile back. “Let’s go, love. I suspect the boys are already there. Starting without us.”

I scoffed. “Oh, Pol. I wouldn’t doubt it.” We shared another smile before we headed down the stairs arm in arm.

“Aliena, have you met a boy in London?” Polly asked.

I shook me head. “Nah.” I took me coat off the hook, put it on, and managed to tug out me hair.

“Why not? I’m sure there’s hundreds of men out there that want to talk to ya!” She asked as we walked out the door, locking it behind us.

I tucked a piece of hair away from me face. “I mean, yeah. I have talked to men at the clubs.”

“But none of them worked out.”

I shook me head. “They all seemed to want one thing, you know. The ones that did seem sweet, fuckin’ turned ballistic on me at some point in the night. Then the real gentlemen just-!” I sighed. “There was just something missing.”

Polly sighed while patting me forearm that she was holding. “Yep, that’s men for you. Dogs that think with their cocks.” She sighed. “Well, there’s no rush. Take your time. Find someone you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with. But not too long, I want to be around to see that little one.”

A genuine smile and giggled let me lips. “I promise, Polly.”

She pinched me cheek as we walked.

“Is Ada and Freddie coming?” I asked.

She shrugged. “No idea. Last time we talked Ada said she wanted to come. But, with the new baby and the fact they’re practically still newlyweds because of all that’s happened— they probably would rather stay in.”

I half rolled me eyes. “You mean Freddie suggested that Ada stayed home.”

“Most likely.”

We both grumbled at that.

“Is that how married life is, Pol?”

She looked at me then looked away. “It’s not everything. It’s a part of it. Compromise. Ada can’t very well expect to go out whenever she wants. She doesn’t have a babysitter to take care of Karl, and you can’t bloody well expect the father to help.” She scoffed again.

Sounded like she was reminiscing.

I hummed and said. “True.”

We arrived at the Garrison, soon enough, and I opened the doors for her. It was just polite. Right?

We immediately went into the snug where the whole family was excluding John’s kids and Ada. So, really. It was just Arthur, Tommy, John, Finn, and Esme. Yes, Esme was here.

While it did irk me that she was here instead of taking care of the kids, it was not me decision to make. They had their own parenting style. And, Esme was not a bad person.

They cheered as we walked.

“Oi!”

“There’s the birthday girl!”

“Happy Birthday, Ali!”

I smiled while taking of me coat. Arthur came ‘round and helped me. I quickly thanked him and then found a spot to sit in.

Tommy stood up from his seat and reached over to me. “No, come on.” He said while pulling me up. “Up you get. Finn, go and get the cake.”

Finn was actually smiling rather than grumbling abar being made to get the cake. I covered me mouth with me hand in embarrassment. But went along with it, nonetheless.

Finn came back in balancing the cake in one hand as he had to close the door behind him. Polly took it from his hands and set it down on the table. Arthur and John were working on lighting all the candles.

The air was somewhat awkward yet filled with excitement at the same time. It was weird.

As Arthur lit the last candle, they started singing. It was happenin’ all over again. I was covering me mouth with me hands and doubling over.

“Happy Birthday, dear Aliena. Happy Birthday to you!”

“Blow out the/your candles.”

I leaned down and thought abar it. ‘I wish I find happiness here soon.’ Then, I blew them out. They cheered and Polly was the first to hug me.

She whispered me a happy birthday in me ear before pecking me cheek and moving out of the way. Finn was next to wish me a happy birthday. I squeezed him tight while swaying us side to side. John stole me from Finn’s grasp, as always.

“Happy birthday, Ali. Is that a wrinkle I see?”

I gasped horrified and smacked his arm just as fast. He fucking cackled as he flinched.

“Don’t listen to ‘em, Aliena. Happy birthday, Songbird!” Arthur roared as he brought me in for a hug. He shook us with made me make the sounds to match. I wasn’t expecting him to shake me.

Esme squeezed her way over to me and she wished me as well. We exchanged a quick peck on the cheek before I was left with the last one.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” I teased while leaning back, me hands on me hips.

Tommy rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face. “Happy Birthday, Ali.” He hugged me and as I went to part from him, he kept me there. I felt him lean into me ear and I bit me lip harshly so I didn’t flinch. “For your present, I-!” He sighed into me ear, and I couldn’t help but flinch. “I, for lack of better words, added a headstone for your father. Happy Birthday, Aliena and I’m sorry.”

This imaginary romantic atmosphere was instantly shattered by the mention of me father. Great job, Thomas!

I smiled and thanked him as we parted. I made me way back to me seat.

“Right!” Arthur shouted. “I say we get to opening these bloody presents. Get it out the way and drink Aliena till she drops!” He raised his mug to me while taking a drink of his bevvy.

I squinted at him while titling me head. “Fine, let’s get them out of the way!” I slid a box over from the middle of the table and began ripping it open. I shimmed the lid off of the box to reveal shoes.

“You’re gonna need a good pair of dancing shoes, if ya expect to be dancing ‘round clubs all the time, Ali.” John said with a cigar between his lips.

I plastered on a smile and thanked him. I set in under the table and dealt with the rest of them. Arthur bought me more canvases. Something abar that made me laugh. I should expect canvases for all of me birthdays.

Once I sobered up, I opened up the last big box on the table. It was a coat from Polly. I faked a squeal, hugged her, and thanked her incessantly. It’s not that I didn’t like the coat. It’s just I never asked for one, either.

Then, there was this little box. I tugged on the ribbon and shimmed the lid off of it to reveal a rather expensive looking necklace. The snug quieted down and we collectively tried to find the culprit. Our eyes locked on the boy who was smiling the brightest.

Without a care in the world, Finn wished me a happy birthday. Cue Polly smacking him upside the head.

“Finn, where’d you pinch that from?” Tommy asked while rubbing his bottom lip.

Finn, who was shielding himself from the last of Polly’s blows, answered. “Some jewelry store in London. Think it was called Madison. It’s not a big deal.”

All us shouted that it was indeed a big deal. I covered the box and pinched the bridge of me nose.

Polly sighed. “No point in worrying now. I’ll be reading the papers in case people are looking for it. For now, give it to me. I’ll hide it away. It’s no good to be wearing that around here or right now.” She held out her hand for me.

I instantly gave it to her. I looked over at Finn who was looking rather ashamed. “You better beaut, you.” I shoved his face away, playfully.

A small smile graced his face.

After that debacle, I ate a piece of me own cake while drinking gin. It’s been the first time in a long while that I’ve managed to get the chance to talk to everybody like this.

Made me really think abar how much I matter and how much I don’t. How much doing over Kimber changed this family. They were all busier. I wasn’t. They wouldn’t have done this if it hadn’t been me birthday. Well, they wouldn’t have invited me and Polly. It’s a fucking boys club in this family. Well, they did invite me in the past— but that’s all it is now, the past.

I downed a glass of whiskey and felt it burn me throat. I was getting used to it. I mean I started to drink at least twice a week. I could only limit me vices so much. It’s torture enough as is that I’m holding down the urge to smoke a ciggie right now. But, I am exposed to all the second hand in the air.

“So, Ali. How are you feeling?” Arthur asked me as he was leaning close to Tommy. As if they had a secret bet or something. I knew what he meant by the question.

I shrugged me shoulders as I smiled. “I feel fine. Warm and fine.”

He scoffed and nodded before turning his head toward Tommy’s ear.

I rolled me eyes and went back to me conversation with Polly. We were talking abar how we were gonna get a grip on Finn. It’s sad that it took that child to do an actual robbery before anyone decided to listen to me. But, at least it’s happenin’ now.

After that I went on a conversation with John, who also asked abar me love life. It was getting so annoying to repeat the same damn things! Then, Esme had to add her two cents in and I couldn’t “snap” back in fear of getting on the wrong foot.

“I think you should experience life as is. Settling down is something you do later.”

I widened me eyes and put on a polite smile, but still had to bite me lip. Didn’t she have an arranged marriage ‘cause she was too wild. I nodded and then moved back to where me seat originally was.

One minute turned into five which turned into ten.

Were these bitches really not going to show up?

I looked ‘round to see everyone engaged in some kind of conversation. The boys were playing a card game while Polly and Esme talked. I was the odd man out. Just nursing me fucking bevvy.

I don’t want to admit it, but this set up right here was hurting me feelings. Never liked feeling excluded.

I took another glance at them again as I trailed me finger ‘round the rim of the glass.

I didn’t mean to do it, but I began thinking abar how it would be if I wasn’t here. Would they still have met up today? Under the circumstance of a nice day to relax after work. Did me presence actually affect anything? Why was I here? What was me purpose here? Am I supposed to help someone in the Shelby family?

Am I supposed to prevent the second war from happening? Was this a blessing or a curse? Was this a curse?

“Ailena! Aliena, hun, we’re here!” Cassie shouted from outside the snug.

I shot up from me chair, whipped back the door, and threw me arms ‘round her. We both laughed and swayed a little.

“You came. You fuckin’ slags. I thought youse weren’t gonna show.”

Cassie laughed while petting me hair. “We thought you were home then we had to ask around where this bar was. We’re not from here idiot.” She knocked on me head as if she were knocking on a door. “We weren’t going to find this place if no one showed us it before.”

I pursed me lips. As I dropped me hip to the left while knocking me own head. “Oops, my bad.” I took Cassie’s hand in mine and ushered her into the snug. Angie and Tina followed suit. “Shelbys, meet my friends. This is Cassie Johnson, Lady Angelica Sallow, and The Honorable Christiana King. Friends meet the Shelbys. That is Arthur, Thomas, John, Finn, Esme, and Polly Gray.”

Cassie uttered a “hi,” while waving with a smile. Tina just waved and smiled.

Angie pushed her way through and greeted Polly. “Good evening, it’s so nice to meet you all, finally. Aliena has said all good things.”

Polly shook her hand, but I knew that face. She was studying her. I cleared me throat and clapped me hands.

“Well, I wouldn’t want us to be all cramped up in the snug. So, we’ll be out there! Okay? Okay.” I grasped Angie’s hand and dragged her out of the snug.

“It really was nice meeting you all!” She shouted before I slammed the door shut. “What the ‘ell, Ali? She didn’t even get to say anything.”

I rolled me eyes. “Believe me, that was probably a good thing.” ‘She was sizing you up,’ was left unsaid. I flicked her forehead before leading them to the bar top.

I waved Harry over who looked like he was stammering for words. He leaned down to the men sitting and said something to them that made them leave. I smiled and took a seat there.

“Anything I can get for you ladies? On the house. I know it’s our special Aliena’s birthday.” Harry said as he leaned against the top.

I smiled and said. “Can we get four gin and tonics, Harry? Thanks.”

“Coming right up.”

I turned ‘round so me back was against the top. “Thank God, youse came when ya did. I was dying of boredom in there.”

Cassie scoffed. “Maybe you should just-!”

I held up me finger, effectively shutting her up. “I literally just said that I was bored. I didn’t say I was being abused.”

Cassie tsked while rolling her eyes which made me smirk. Tina cleared her throat before she spoke.

“So, that was the Tommy, you’re always talking about?”

Me eyes widened to the size of saucers as I shushed her while me head did a full 180. “Don’t go announcing it to the whole fucking bar, Tina!” I looked ‘round a bit more before I leaned over Cassie and whispered. “But yes, that’s him.”

“He looks really intense. Is that your type?” Tina asked, unfazed.

I looked away before answering her. “Yes and no. He’s my type, obviously, since I have a crush on ‘em. But, the only thing he and the other men that I’ve been enamored with is high cheekbones.”

She oh-ed and nodded.

“Here you ladies are!” Harry said as the glasses clinked against the bar top.

All four of us grabbed our drinks.

“Toast!” Angie shouted. We held our drinks in the air. “Today, we celebrate our little Aliena turning 18 a day early. Let’s try not to not drink too much ‘cause we are gonna party like it’s the end of the world tomorrow! To Aliena.”

“To Aliena! To me!”

Then, we drank as much as we could before having some sort of reaction. After that we paired off, I was talking to Angie.

“So, what happened to that guy you left with some nights ago?” I asked Angie as I took a sip of me bevvy.

She sighed as she used the straw to stir her drink. “It was a complete waste of time. In all honesty, I’m beginning to lose hope. I might as well just give up and let my father match me off.”

I shook me head furiously. “No! No, Ange. Don’t give up. What are you? 19, 20, you still have time to look. If you were 30, I’d be saying otherwise— but you’re not. You’ll find a guy when the time is right.”

Okay, I’m not bashing 30-year-old single people. Angie is expected to marry off at an early age in order to comply with the societal norms of the 1920s. Besides, she and her father have this arrangement that if she doesn’t have anyone she wants to marry for love by that age— then he has the right to marry her off.

She groaned while supporting her head with her hand, her elbow on the bar top. I rubbed her back up and down.

“You’ll find your Mister Right, Ange. I just know it. Hey, maybe, you have already met him.” I attempted to lighten her mood. “Either way. I think it’s too early to call it quits. Maybe we stop trying to find the love of our lives in clubs, eh? Try a cafe or a country club, instead?”

Angie turned her gaze to me and we shared a giggle.

“Eh?” I tried again.

“Yeah.” She whispered. “Yeah. You’re right.”

I smirked as I put me hand down and used it to bring me drink to me lips. “I know I am.”

I had two more gin and tonics before I felt that I was out of it. I was shoutin’, for sure. I was borderline slurring yet me sentences were still understandable. I had, technically, pre-gamed ‘cause the boys were trying to drink me under the table.

I had stumbled out of the loo when I was attacked by me friends.

“Aliena! Ali!” They shouted.

I shook me head as I gripped their arms as they did mine. “What?” I shouted, confused.

Tina shoved Cassie forward who was cradling her cheek, but her lip was bleeding too. Me eyes widened and I immediately started inspecting it.

“What the fuck happened?”

Cassie looked away before looking back into me eyes. “I was talking to some guy. He came up to me at the bar. Then, this girl came up to me and just slapped me. She said that I should go to hell for being a homewrecker. That she bets that I’m nothing but a prostitute.” Cassie choked on a sob while rubbing her eyes. She smeared her eyeshadow ‘n mascara, making her look like a raccoon. Just like how I first met her. “Seems like they’re together or something. But I didn’t know. He came up to me. I swear. He came up to me. I would never flirt with a taken man, Ali.” She hiccup and whimpered.

I looked back to see Angie arguing with the girl. I could feel me blood boiling. I was filled with rage. That bitch made me Cassie cry.

“Ali, she was wearing rings.” Tina pointed out, her voice strained. She motioned toward Cassie’s busted lip.

I titled her head down to get a good look at it. Then, I began to shake me head softly before I muttered, “I’ll take care of it.” She should’ve known who she was hitting before she’d done it. Should’ve hit her unfaithful man instead of slapping me best friend.

I grabbed a drink that was idle at the bar top. Angie and the girl’s arguing got louder. I saw as the woman began to raise her arm, her fist clenched.

“Oi!” I yelled. The girl twirled ‘round and I threw the drink in her face before punching her straight on the nose. She gasped in pain as she went to cradle her nose. I gave her a moment to recuperate.

Let’s have a fair fight now.

She looked up at me, her nose bloody. “You crazy fucking bitch.”

“A fucking bitch who’s friend you messed with, dumb cunt.”

She growled before she launched herself at me, rather pathetically. I grabbed the hand that tried to slap me and gave her one instead. I managed to get both of her arms in me hold, I titled me head back, and head butted her.

Fuck did that bring tears to me eyes.

She fell to her knees as I let go of her arms. Instead of cradling her head, she wrapped her arms ‘round me legs and forced me down.

I groaned on impact, but quickly shot up and punched her. She yelped and went to clutch her face.

The fact that she managed to make me fall pissed me off even more.

I grabbed a wooden chair that nearby, raised it in the air, and started beating her with it. She whimpered with each hit and started wailing.

I didn’t care. This felt good. This felt cathartic. Why was me heart beating so loud? Why was I fighting off a smile? There was this cracking sound and before I knew it, the blood from her nose splattered across the floor.

Her arms finally came up to protect her head, but that didn’t deter me. She turned over on her side, but I still didn’t stop. I gave one good strong swing and she left out a blood-curdling scream just as there was an audible crack in the room. Did I manage to break her arm?

“Ali! Aliena!”

Me head shot up and I didn’t raise up the chair again. Thomas stood there with his hand out, signaling for me to stop.

“Enough.” He breathily pleaded. “Enough now.” He took a hesitant step toward me, as if I were a fucking animal.

How fucking insulting!

I couldn’t help it. I was just so mad. I raised the chair and slammed it against the wall of the bar top. I could hear people gasp. All that was left in me hand was one of the chair’s legs.

I panted for breath. “There. Now that’s enough.” I ran a hand through me hair, effectively getting all me hair out of me face. The girl was whimperin' incessantly. It was so annoying. I kicked her softly as I stepped over her body and told her to shut up.

“Come on. Let’s go.” I called out to me friends. I could hear their shuffling behind me as I continued walking on.

Just as I was abar to pass Tommy, he caught me arm.

“We’re gonna talk about this at home.” He whispered. His tone stern and chastising.

I tsked and yanked me arm away from him. I marched on and caught the eyes of me employers. The look in their eyes were mixed with astonishment and disapproval.

I rolled me eyes, hard before I opened the doors with bang.

“All right! Show’s over. Go back to what you were doing.” I heard Tommy yell.

I started walking faster. When I realized me friends’ heels were clacking behind me, I turned ‘round and waited for them. I rushed to Cassie and hovered me hands over her inflamed cheek.

She caught me wrists and held them tightly.

“We need to get some ice on it. We can’t have it bruising.” I muttered while inspecting her face again.

Angie scoffed. “What the fuck was that, Aliena?” Her face was contorted in some weird mixture of anger and disbelief.

“She got what she deserved. The dumb-arse raised a hand to Cassie expecting no repercussions. I decided to give her some.” I said with a booming voice.

Cassie shook her head. “What about your hands?” She asked as she gently took me hands in hers and started to inspect them. “You punched her good. Are your knuckles swollen?”

I shrugged me shoulders. “Don’t know. I feel quite a bit of pain, though.”

Angie groaned loudly. “Of course you would feel pain. You broke her nose, Ali! You headbutted her and then beat her with a chair.”

Me head snapped toward Angie. “Thank you for the play-by-play! What’s your deal?” I asked.

She scoffed again as her hands began to join the conversation. “What’s my deal? Aliena, YOU BEAT THAT GIRL WITH A CHAIR!”

“IT WAS AN OLD WOODEN CHAIR! Look at the end of the day, I would have done that for any one of youse. She fucking busted Cassie’s lip over a man. A man, Angie! So, I busted hers.”

Cassie sniffled loudly. “Thank you.” She whispered. “Thank you.” Cassie hugged me tightly and hid her face in me neck.

It has something to do with her past. But, I wasn’t going to out her to the rest of the girls— just because they couldn’t understand.

Tina waved her hands between Angie and I. “Angelica, I’m sorry but I’m with Ali.”

Angie scoffed as her eyes bugged out of her head.

Tina continued. “Maybe the chair was excessive, but we’re all drunk. We’re drunk! That fucking bitch just straight up slapped Cassie while she had her rings on, and...and-! Belittled her! That’s not right!”

“Tina just because we are all a little drunk does not excuse violence. I was handling it!”

I scoffed and ran me hand through me hair again. “Sure, you were handling it alright! Then, why did I have to stop her from hitting you?”

Angie averted her eyes. “She wasn’t-!”

“Yes, she was and you know it. You must have seen her cock her arm and/or at least see that her fists were clenched.”

Angie looked down at the cobblestone. “It just felt a little excessive.” She whispered as she hugged herself.

So, the leader of this pack has a little bite.

I sighed while pinching the bridge of me nose. “I admit the chair was a little over the top. I just got so angry and…” Me voice trailed off. “I’m sorry for, I don’t know, upsetting you. But what I’m not sorry for is defending you and Cassie.”

We left it at that and regrouped at the house. We talked abar it a little more before I poured everyone some water and distributed the bread. Cassie insisted on icing me knuckles, so I let her. When it was ‘round two in the morning, Cassie called Simmons.

I was hugging me arms as I watched them pile into the car.

Angie’s head popped out as she said. “Remember I’m picking you up at four tomorrow, all right!”

I nodded. “Yeah, I got it.” I laughed as her head disappeared back into the car. I faced Cassie. I couldn’t help the pitiful gaze on me face.

“Thanks again for, ya know, fucking her up for me.” Cassie whispered as she picked under her nails.

I winked at her. “We’re crazy together, remember.” We shared a laugh and then a hug. But after, she climbed into the car and I waved them off. I looked ‘round and then ran back into the house.

I already had a plan. I was just going to go to sleep to avoid a very uncomfortable conversation that I did not want to go through again. It was too unpredictable.

Was I going to be confronted by just Tommy or is Polly going to be there too? Would it be a fucking family meeting? Might as well be, they’ll probably just harass me individually.

Oh fucking well!

I raced up the steps and slammed me door behind me. Me chest heaved up and down as I tried to catch me breath. I realized that I didn’t put makeup on tonight.

I’m a fucking genius!

I ran to me bed, jumped in, got comfy, then closed me eyes.

“Oi! Wake up! There’s no avoiding this, Ali.”

I jumped awake. Me heart was in me fucking throat and I threw a glare at Tommy.

“Leave me alone!” I sluggishly demanded as I went to turn ‘round in me bed.

“Aliena, there’s no avoiding this so let’s get it over with, yeah.”

I shut me eyes tightly before letting out a big sigh. I rubbed me forehead before I yanked me blankets off me body. I heard Tommy walk out rather than see it. I got to me feet and walked after ‘em.

As I extended me right hand fingers’, they throbbed in pain. I’m sure if Cassie hadn’t hounded me to ice them, they would be in much worse condition.

We walked all the way into the family meeting room that was in the betting shop. Lights were lit, people in their usual spots. Esme wasn’t here, though.

That’s nice.

Polly with hands on her hips walked ‘til she was at Tommy’s side.

“You wanna tell us what that was all about?” She pointedly asked me.

I sighed while I rubbed me forehead again. “The woman hit Cassie. This man came up to her and started chattin’ her up. Turns out the fella was taken. The woman directly confronted Cassie as the problem. Called her names. Called her a homewrecker and said she was a prostitute. That’s when she slapped Cassie with rings on her hand.”

They all just stared at me blankly.

Well, fucking say something! Say it wasn’t me own fight! Say that they could’ve started this and not the woman. Say that I did a good job, or I had no right doing what I did! Say that I was out of control. ASK ME WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!

I looked down at the floorboard. “I knew it wasn’t me own fight, but Cassie is me best friend. And I wasn’t thinking clearly. I had tossed back like three gin and tonics after drinking all that whiskey in the snug. It won’t happen again.”

Tommy sniffed, flicked his nose, then spoke. “Right, guess that’s it then. Don’t let it happen again, Ali.”

Me head shot up and I blinked a lot.

That was it?

I just nodded and headed up the stairs. As I gently closed me bedroom door behind me, I slid down it with me hands hiding me face. Me body shook violently as I inaudibly sobbed.

I woke up with a headache. Not a hangover, but a headache. Luckily, I had a day off today. Afterall, today was me actual birthday. So, I turned ‘round and shut me eyes. I wasn’t going back to sleep, I knew that wasn’t happening— but I just didn’t want to get up yet.

Me hand was throbbing. I tried clenching and unclenching me hand as a way to soothe it. Just like the day before, I took me time getting up. But, I didn’t start getting ready.

I took off the dress I fell asleep in and picked out me fuzzy black sweater and grey joggers to match. I ran a hand over me face before sighing and dropping me hip to the side. I racked me hand in me hair, pushing it away from me face, and then walked over to me desk. I opened the drawer and pulled out me art book.

I tossed it on me desk and flipped it open to a blank page. I just sat there and pondered abar what I should try drawing. I blew a raspberry before I snapped me fingers as the thought came to me.

I was gonna try and draw Tommy using watercolours.

I spent the whole morning working on it ‘til I couldn’t stand the ache in me stomach anymore. I sighed while racking me hair back again. I got up and walked downstairs.

I was fairly greeted by the shouts of men coming from the betting shop. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed the bread nonchalantly. I cut meself two slices, kept the knife in me hand, then grabbed the jam with the other.

I sat down with one leg tucked into me thigh on the chair while the other was bent. Grabbed the knife ‘n began to spread the jelly ‘round as I yawned. I took two bites before I decided I desperately needed water to wash it down.

I strolled over to the cabinet and pulled out a glass. We drank from the tap, so that’s what I did. As I was drinking me water, the front door opened.

For fuck’s sake.

I silently prayed to God that it wasn’t who I thought it was. And sure enough, Tommy Shelby came into view. I mouthed, “Fuck,” before sitting back on me chair. I could feel his eyes on me. I kept me gaze locked on the table.

Tommy cleared his throat ‘n I instinctively raised me head. Tommy grabbed his cap off of his head ‘n held it in one hand as he pulled out a chair. He groaned softly as he sat down.

He tsked. “So, Ali. You wanna tell me what yesterday was really about?”

I blinked. “I already told you what it was abar.”

He titled his head and his lips pursed a little. His eyes flickered to mine.

Was he trying to say something with his eyes? ‘Cause it felt like it. It was like he was begging me to tell him me troubles. But, I didn’t want to.

“Are you sure, Ali? You’re tellin’ me you did all that because she roughed up your friend.”

I rolled me eyes as me tongue prodded the inside of me cheek. I kept quiet before scoffing. “She just caught me on a bad day. I was already drunk ‘n agaited. Angie said something that ticked me off earlier. And I think me Aunt Flo is abar to make a visit, so yeah.” I smiled at him mockingly before I took a big bite of me scran.

He studied me face for a little more before he tapped his finger on the table and rose up suddenly. “Right.” He muttered before he left the room.

After that interaction, I scarfed me scran down and went back upstairs. I worked on me painting ‘til it was four. I heard that familiar honk and cursed in surprise. I was lost in painting. I scrambled ‘round to collect me things. I was going to stay over the weekend.

Her incessant honking was raising me blood pressure and I fought back the urge to shout at her. I was zipping ‘round me room gathering everything. I slug me backpack on and flew out the door.

Just as I was grabbing me coat, a voice caught me. “Aliena, love. Are you sure this is a good idea?”

I stilled and looked at Polly. “How do you mean?”

She looked at me with a concerned face. “Should you be partying with what happened yesterday?”

I averted me eyes. “It’s me birthday, Pol.” I whispered.

She didn’t say anything in response.

I looked up at her before taking me coat hurriedly off the hook and running backwards. “Love you, Pol! Bye!”

As always, Cassie was waiting for me outside the car. We hugged and then climbed inside of the car. We brought up what happened again ‘n really cleared the air.

I just wanted it to go away, ya know. Be forgotten. It literally happened yesterday night. It wasn’t going away anytime soon.

When we got to the flat, the girls wasted no time pushing me into a chair.

“What are youse doing?” I asked through me laughter. I noticed there were other women in the room as well.

“I hired these women to do our hair and makeup. I want you to look your best! I even hired a photographer. But first, the dress you will be wearing!” Angie divulged as she walked over to the closet. She reached inside and pulled out a silk green dress.

It looked exactly like the one Kiera Knightly wore in Atonement. Me own gasps were not the only ones heard throughout the room.

Tina came into me view and took the dress out of Angie’s hand slowly. “I showed my family’s dressmaker the drawing you drew of me in this dress. I asked them to make one just like it. I wanted you to have the real thing.” She walked over to me and I took the dress into me hands as she held onto the hanger.

I stroked the fabric, silk. “Oh, Tina. It’s so beautiful. Just how I-!” Just how I remembered it. I hummed with a painful smile on me face. I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. “Thank you.” I whispered in her ear.

Cassie clapped her hands. “Alright. Let’s get dressed before we get our hair and makeup done.”

We did as she suggested. Once we were all done changing, we sat down on the chairs where the cosmetologists were standing patiently. In a very movie-esque fashion, the cosmetologists flapped open their smocks and draped it over us, simultaneously.

Angie was sitting in the chair beside me.

I looked over at her. “Angie, you didn’t have-!”

She held up her hand, effectively shuttin’ me up. “I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. So, let’s all just enjoy this.”

The cosmetologist began by curling me hair in loose waves and then proceeded to give me a faux bob. Something I could never achieve if I did this by meself. I struck up a conversation with her and she was happy to give me some tips.

I looked at meself in the mirror. I couldn’t believe how me hair looked. I looked like I finally belonged in this era. I couldn’t stop the Cheshire-cat grin on me face. But I had to relax it as ordered by the cosmetologist.

When it was all said ‘n done, they women left and I opened Cassie’s present. She got me an amethyst earrings and necklace set this time for me ma’. When I started to tear up, the girls rushed to me and begged me to stop before it could even begin. That got a laugh out of me.

The earrings were Long Cluster Gemstone Earrings and the necklace was silver with an amethyst teardrop. I rushed to put them on and then it was time to go.

God was Angie’s mansion intimidating. Even more so that it was filled with people from high society that were unfamiliar to me. I knew I was going to meet with a lot of people tonight.

The party was in a light swing when we arrived. I stuck to Cassie like gum on a shoe. While I desperately wanted to find a table and stand ground there or find some secluded place so that I could relax, I was stuck with Cassie— greeting her other friends and acquaintances.

It was so embarrassing when they asked abar me family. Only to tell them that I’m an orphan and I met Cassie when I was giving her directions. I didn’t miss the faces. The faces of people who sneered at me. Teased me for me status behind me back. Made stories up abar why they were keeping me ‘round. Maybe even for the dress. It was a 1940s style dress, I think.

I didn’t expect to feel this way. I thought I could move past it, bury it all down. But, I was finding it harder to do than expected. Still, I kept a polite smile and dug me nails into me palm.

When the mansion was packed, Angie ushered me to the stage where the band was playing. She made a big spectacle of it.

“Everyone, I gathered you all here to celebrate my good friend, Aliena Welsh’s 18th birthday.” She clapped which was mimicked by everyone in the crowd.

For pride, I suppressed the need to cover me face and spazz out. I kept that tight, polite smile on me face.

“Bring out the cake.” Angie shouted. On her orders, men in tuxes— the stewards or butlers or manservants— rolled out a cake and left it in front of us. Angie guided me where to stand. “We’ll sing Happy Birthday on three, everyone. One, two, three!”

A whole crowd was singing happy birthday to me. It was absolutely mortifying. I kept me gaze as Cassie, who was singing with a thumbs up. She knew I was freaking out.

When the whole singing was over with, I made the same wish I did yesterday. I walked off the stage with Angie. I rushed over to Cassie and hide me face in her neck.

“They were all looking at me.” I whimpered.

She rubbed me back. “I know. I know, honey. How about we get a piece of cake, eat, then get fucking drunk. Huh? Sound alright?”

I looked up at her and nodded. So, that’s what we did. We ate a piece of cake and marched over to the bar.

“Oooh!” I exclaimed. “Let’s play a drinking game!”

Cassie furrowed her eyebrows. “What game?”

“I think it’s called blowjob.”

She gasped while slapping her hand over her mouth. “Oh my god! Ailena!”

“Look we order three shots each and whoever drinks it the fastest without using their hands wins. You game?”

Cassie looked hesitantly. Her hand covering her mouth to hide her smile. “Fine! What the hell, right? You’re the birthday girl, after all.”

I cheered and called over the bartender.

We could only play one round of that game. I got buzzed fairly quickly since it was vodka. But we settled for beer.

We danced, sat down, drank, smoked, and eventually I got so drunk that I started dancing modernly. I was swaying me hips while holding a bottle of whatever, dancing to the music in me head.

I felt hands wrap ‘round me arms. I turned ‘round to see Angie.

“Angie!” I squealed before going in to hug her. She giggled before titling me head back.

“Aliena, you need to slow it down.”

I blew raspberries. “I’m ‘aving fun. ‘Ave fun with me.” I kept her hand in mine as I leaned away and started dancing again.

Angie sighed while clutching her forehead. “Fine, I’ll have fun with you. Just! Stop dancing like that!”

I shrugged me shoulder and stilled instantly while a piece of hair fell into me eyes. “Okay.” Then, I pulled her to the bar where we chatted and drank.

I don’t know where I was. I was just extremely nauseous. I used the walls to support me as I stumbled along. The entrance doors were in me sight. I walked faster and felt me mouth water. I immediately doubled over into a plant and vomited.

When I was done, I stood straight while wiping me mouth. I gathered what was left in me mouth and spat it out. I whimpered as I clutched me tummy.

I stumbled down the steps. Me legs were shaking like leaves. I groaned and plopped down on them. I bent over and started taking them off.

“Fucking devil shoes.” I grumbled. When I was done, I wobbled me way back up to me feet and walked further out in the backyard garden area, place, thingy.

I chortled at me thoughts.

When I got tired of walking, I sat down on some undistinguishable patch of grass. I was surrounded by acres of sophisticatedly cut grass.

I used me arms to support me as I leaned forward. I picked at the grass for a while ‘til it hit me.

I just threw up in one of Angie’s plants...

Stutteringly, me arms gave up on me and I was laying down. I raised me arms to cover me face as it started to contort. A sob escaped me lips. Me shoulders shook violently.

I’m turning into an alcoholic. I drank ‘til I threw up in me mate’s flowers.

What’s wrong with me!

TAG LIST: @amirahiddleston @nemesis729 @salvatoreitmeanssaviour @tlfshelby1 @halepea @lilymurphy03 @marsfireeyes @masumiyetimziyanoldu @i-love-superhero

#thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby angst #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x oc #in another world #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders imagine

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austarus · 4 years ago

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Harry Wells x Reader Crisis of Infinite Wells (Part 5 of 5)

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me.

*It’s finally over! This took multiple showers to get it right even if I had everything planned out and outlined. But goodness is it over. I’m possibly going to take a break for a few weeks since my summer uni work is now killing on top of medical scribe classes. Yeah, my mental health is really being pulverized this summer. Trying to learn how to drive on the highway to the city too since I’m moving to the city. But ugh, I just don’t want to do anything other than watch Tik Tok, make fics, read fics/books, and sleep ;-; Big thanks to @natsukitakama for translating all the French that happened with Sherloque and a big thanks to @mintchipcupcake for letting me know her view on neural frequencies for Harry. Thanks to @crazythoughtsandlove, @sarah-i-khel, @countlesswells, and @multiwells for supporting me. I could not have done it without you guys!

I hope everyone has enjoyed this series and went down the lane of feels. Please remember to comment and reblog, it helps us content creators so much so we can keep on creating.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Word Count: 5732

“Nn,” a tired noise left your throat. Clearing said throat, you licked your dry lips as a yawn escaped you. Instinctively, you covered your mouth with the back of your hand. You languidly moved your limbs to cuddle into a pillow even further. Your phone laid beside you on the bed in silent mode. Breathing in gently, your senses registered a certain kind of musk that usually clung to a particular person. A dull ache echoed through your body as every organ began to wake up for the day. Your eyelids remained shut as a brisk of sunlight filtered through the blinds. Everything felt so foggy, but goodness was the rest well deserved. After all, you hadn’t been sleeping well once you found out that your idea had been perfectly sane and in the works. And it did work. You blinked a few times, giving up on going back to sleep. Another yawn left you. You were still in the clothes that you had worn yesterday, locks in a tangly mess. Adjusting your body to lay on your back, your mind recognized that you were indeed not in your room or in your home. You frowned as you gazed up at the ceiling. What the hell? How did I get in Harry’s room? I thought-

“Allen, I didn’t ask for your help.”

Harry! Perking your head up at the familiar roughly-toned voice, your body drifted to the side a bit as dizziness coursed within your being since you had bolted upright on the bed. You failed to recognize how your legs had been tangled in the sheets from your deep slumber and fell off the bed when you got up with haste. The cold concrete floor greeted you mockingly in comparison to the softness of the bed you were just on. Your body further protested when it absorbed the impact. Groaning, you shuffled off the floor on wobbly legs heading out of the room on socked feet. You didn’t care if you looked like a chaotic mess or that you were in your socks. Only one thought rang in your mind as you grew close to the frustrated voices. He’s here!

“You said you needed someone to watch your back and I was the only one available.”

“Yes, watch my back from the coms, Allen. From the Labs. Not someone to speed around the entire property. It was a delicate instance that I could have handled myself! And what do you know, you triggered most of the sensors and traps set.”

“You looked like you were in a bind!”

“Help me, Barry. Save me, I can’t handle a little reconnaissance without your speedster abilities. Not.”

“How many times have I told you not to touch my stuff?”

“What are you talking about, Cisco?”

“You played with my tech again! What is it up with you Wells and tampering with my things?!”

You walked in with hurried steps right as Cisco had his outburst; the haze of sleep had left you all together when you had rounded the corner. The boys stopped when you entered the Cortex abruptly out of breath. Your eyes scanned around, head moving from side to side. But you only saw Barry and Cisco and Nash as you seemed to be frozen in place. Your heart dropped in your chest at the absence of Harry, eyes sparkling as you had casted your gaze downward. Grueling thoughts had swirled through your mind as the growing whole of doubt further widened in your chest. The voice you had heard came from Nash, not Harry. Reality had picked you up and thrown you into Central City’s lake of cold water. Harry’s not here. He’s- I- He’s not coming… Your pursed your lips, whispering a little apology for barging in on the three’s argument. Nash moved his gaze to his gloves fiddling with it when he saw the sadness flicker through your eyes. With a somber expression, turned around on the spot and collided with a very solid body with a very sturdy chest. Instantly, arms encased your being at the collision, a deep voice cut through the silence. A voice that thrilled your insides.

“I finally caught you, my love.”

Swallowing thickly, you slowly looked up to see those gentle baby blues that rested behind black-clear frames. The dark-haired man cupped your face gingerly as you gathered the strength to speak. “Harry?”

“I’m back.”

A tear trickled down from your eyes, cascading down your flushing cheek, no longer wanting to be bound within your glassy eyes. Harry softly smiled down at you with his own glimmering eyes, his thumb wiped the tear that fell, but his touch caused more to fall. A whimper escaped you as you pressed your head into his chest, sobbing quietly in relief with your arms tightly holding him. The taller man took in a breath, fighting his own tears before he placed a kiss to your forehead. Harry whispered soothing words while rubbing your back as you cried into him. These past couple of weeks had been rough for everyone, but rougher on you and him. Barry and Cisco elbowed each other that the King and Queen of the Underworld have finally reunited and of course made bets on who knows what. Nash rolled his eyes at the two. Jesse stood be the door, watching her dad and you reunite. Her dorky dad and his sweet as a button girlfriend. The young speedster had a pack of tissues at the ready with a wide smile on her face. Tilting to the side, she waved at Barry and Cisco and Nash. Jesse looked oddly at Nash, observing him eye you and her dad for a moment before turning his gaze to meet her eyes. The other Wells doppelganger nodded at her, briefly seeing all the things and qualities that Harry would ramble about regarding his daughter. Nash’s heart gripped in his chest, but truthfully there was a glimpse of happiness for you. He was learning to be content with your happiness. The boys made eye contact with Harry, who only nodded at them as they decided that it would be best to leave you and Harry and Jesse alone. Barry sped them out of the Cortex.

Pulling away, you rubbed your puffy red eyes only to see a tear fall from Harry as he watched you. His eyes ran over every detail of you as if he had been seeing you for the first time in his life. You gripped his face with both hands and pulled him close. He rested his forehead against yours as you wiped his single tear. The both of you closed your eyes and just relished in each other’s presence. Breathing gently with each other and calming any doubts the two of you had. He was here and you were in his arms. The pent-up anxiety that had been increasing since the Crisis had finally burst.

“You’re here.”

“I’m here,” Harry nodded at your stumbling voice from all the crying. “I’m not going anywhere.” The two of you collected yourselves, a lovestruck look crossing your eyes.

Jesse held a pack of tissues up to you when you and her dad had pulled away. You sheepishly smiled at the young Wells. “I decided to drop by as well, can’t miss out on the Hades and Persephone reunion.” You giggled at her while whipping your tears and blowing your nose, knowing Cisco had essentially looped her into shipping you and Harry with those names. The speedster pulled you into a huge hug, giggling with you.

“I missed you too Ms. Jesse Quick,” you gave her a squeeze. Harry couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Both his girls were with him. His daughter and the love of his life. His heart felt utterly in bliss.

“Thank you for bringing him back,” Jesse whispered, pulling away with a smile. You knew that look in her eyes, the same emotion she had held when she had initially found out what Devoe had done to Harry. How he used Harry as a guinea pig and lost himself as a result. You returned the smile, feeling Harry’s large hand find your smaller one and holding it firmly. Glancing down, you intertwined your fingers with his before looking up brightly at him. The three of you glanced at each other as a wave a serenity passed over you three before Jesse bid you farewell as she headed to the break room because of her grumbling stomach. Thanks to her increased metabolism from being a speedster she’s due for speedster protein bar that Cisco’s come up with.

Walking through the corridor, Jesse entered the break room with furrowed eyebrows as her green eyes landed on an unfamiliar person. The dark-haired Hispanic was typing away on the couch when she looked up to see the young speedster. Papers and articles were plopped beside the young adult.

“You’re Allegra, right?” Jesse quired, hands in her jacket pockets.

“Yeah, who-”

“Great, I’m Jesse Wells. You’re just the person I was looking for.” Allegra’s frown deepened but deemed that this was the Jesse Wells you had mentioned to her. Harry’s daughter. Two irreplaceable members of Team Flash. The UV meta figured that the speedster was no harm, especially since Jesse seemed to be around her own age. “We need to talk. I know this great bar we could go to.”

“Wait, what-”

Allegra wasn’t able to finish her sentence as Jesse had sped them away to a bar in a torrent of yellow-green lightning.

***

Harry had ushered you back to his room and away from prying eyes because he knew that if Cisco and Barry came around you and the scientist would not hear the end of it. Plus, as much as Harry was balanced now, he currently preferred to capture your full attention inside the bedroom rather than outside. Especially with Nash still around the labs.

The two of you found yourselves cuddling into each other on the bed. Harry’s head rested close to yours while you slipped off his glasses and kissed his nose before threading your fingers through his hair. The Wells doppelganger let out a content sigh at the simple gesture of affection, but one he deeply enjoyed, while shutting his eyes for the moment. His arms rested comfortably around your waist; your figure pressed close to his as if he was afraid you were an illusion that would escape him. He had already discarded his black jacket, leaving him just in his classic black short sleeve shirt and dark wash jeans. Reopening his baby blue eyes, Harry plucked his glasses out of your hand to twist his body over to the side and tossing them onto the counter. Turning fully to you with a lovestruck smile and half-lidded eyes, he slowly leaned in with every intention of kissing you till your lips were red and swollen.

“Wait you can’t kiss me yet!” You moved your head back slightly to which Harry frowned irritably because he’s been holding back from kissing you silly in the Cortex. … Amongst doing other shamelessly pleasurable things to show you just how much he missed you.

“Why not?”

You simply took out the vanilla bean flavored chapstick from your pocket and apply it to your lips. Harry watched you smack them a few times and wondered if you were either tempting him even more or testing his patience or both. “Now you can kiss me.” Harry had quirked an amused eyebrow at you. “What? I wanted it to be perfect. Plus, you know I bite my lips when I get too wori-” You pouted at your boyfriend, who instantly shut you up with needy kiss. Without words, the kiss showed you just how much he had missed you and that his patience was running thin.

Your brain froze for a second before responding. His lips smacked against yours before Harry pushed his tongue into your mouth, yearning for your taste. You gasped, fighting him for a bit before giving in. His fingers had crawled up under your shirt, rubbing soothing circles on the skin. Your hands had rested on his face, pulling him impossibly closer as the smooches continued to heat up. The air in the room felt as if on fire but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Nipping on his bottom lip, you kissed Harry with just enough passion as your body moved to lay on top of his. His hands retreated from under your shirt to fold themselves on your lower back. Your hips pressed down against his own, feeling every part of his body meld with yours. Ragged breathes left the both of you as you continued to make out, biting and licking and sucking at each other. Harry’s hand snuck down to smack your ass causing a yelp to fall off your lips. You pulled away for air, your lungs exhausted and your head was spinning. You were met with a cheeky smirk while you pouted at your boyfriend with a frown. He licked his lips wickedly once more before leaning up to kiss your swollen lips while you adorned a flushed expression. A sight he took great pleasure in seeing on your face. And only he can elicit that kind of reaction from you. His lips tingled delightfully from the sweet chapstick on your lips.

“When did you even get here?” You asked once you regained control of your breathing, fixing your hair to the side as the two of you laid back. Harry resting on his back while your snuggled beside him, your head pressed to his chest as you listened to his racing heartbeat. You shifted your gaze to eye him with one hand against his chiseled chest. Harry sighed, collected his thoughts before tucking a piece of stray hair behind your ear as he spoke up. His arm was firmly wrapped around you.

“Last night. Jesse and I found you asleep on Sherloque’s lap.”

“How-…What’s with look?”

“What look? I don’t have a look.” Harry spoke quickly as if he’d been caught red-handed.

“Harry, yes you do! You have a look for almost everything. Everyone does.” You teased him a bit before turning to the more serious thoughts that had kept you up. And it showed. Harry can see it clear as day on your face. You had not been sleeping well without him. He couldn’t sleep either without you. “Anyway, what took you so long?”

“I- We… When I woke up Jesse had been monitoring my vitals, keeping me hooking up to a life support system. She was crying, wouldn’t let me go and saying how she was scared to death. Scared that she lost me for a second time. Every single day she would check on my vitals and try to talk to me. Jesse wouldn’t leave my side, going over all my vitals as my consciousness fully set into my body. We had collaborated everything, but…”

“But?”

“I was feeling weak when she took me off the life support. So, she quickly synthesized a blood sample to do a blood transfusion, just like you showed her, to flush out anything that had been hiding in my body from the Crisis and the neural separation. My vitals and cells returned to normal. It worked fast; I won’t deny that. Speedster blood and everything. Once I was feeling moderately better, we tried the last session.” Harry pointed to his head with a free hand, baby blue eyes twinkling with such knowledge and intellect that was rightfully his. “I’ve got it all back. Everything.”

You grinned up at him, “I told you, if anything Jesse would be the one to figure it out.”

“My pride and joy.”

“So, what went wrong? I-I mean, why didn’t it work the first time 2 years ago.”

“Well, Jesse had profusely voiced her irritation that Marlize had done a sloppy job after she looking over the blueprints and all the notes, but Marlize had also neglected the fact that I’m from another Earth- or in this case dimension. My neural frequency is at a different interval in comparison to everyone on Earth-1. A unique signature for each Earth, if you will. That’s why I was able to retain basic functions, but not reach my full potential regarding intelligence and neuron firing. And it’s a good think the dark matter didn’t leave any neural scars or that could have been a complication since the brain doesn’t do well with regeneration.”

“Look at you talking all science-y again. It worked; Jesse fixed you.”

Harry pulled up one of your hands, kissing the knuckles. “You’re the one that figured out how to bring me back. Back to my daughter, back to you, back to my family.”

You dropped your gaze, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks from his intense and adoring gaze. A bashful smile returning to your lips as your eyes met his. “I told you so.” You pressed your lips against him in triumph. Harry hummed against your lips before you pulled away.

“You’re not going to let it go, are you?”

“Nope,” you deadpanned with a cheeky grin. “Now I can admire you while you ramble on about physics and math that I’m totally clueless to and tend to tune out just to hear your voice.”

“Wait, you don’t actually listen to me explaining things?”

“… A little.” You sheepishly responded to which Harry retaliated by running his fingers over your sides. Your fiendish sides that always betrayed you. A giggled bubbled from your throat. “Harry, don’t you-” But the scientist paid no mind to you as he continued his carefully planned assault on your sides. Snorts and little laughs flood out of your lips as cringed and attempted to move your body away from his hands. A toothy grin crossed his features at your shrieks, his fingers ran over every ticklish area on you. Flopping onto your back, Harry’s tickle attack subsided as his heart flipped many times over. He watched your chest rise and fall as your giggles gradually quieted. You gazed up at him with stars in your eyes, his own were full of adoration and love but… with a certain other emotion hidden behind us. A thought struck you.

“By the way, where’s Sherloque?”

“Babe, he left. Said he had some business to take care of on his Earth- well, dimension actually.”

“Oh, I hope everything’s ok on his end. …I heard about Renee and everything.”

“He’ll be fine. Sherloque just needs his mind to mull over a few things.”

“I hope he finds what he’s looking for…” you whispered, to which Harry oddly looked at you, wondering if you knew, before the look behind his eyes shifted. You caught onto the sudden, but subtle change.

A particular glint sparkled in Harry’s eyes as you trailed off, one that had you hypnotized. One that you knew all too well as he towered over you on the bed. Those lust-filled eyes that pulled you in like a riptide. Harry licked his lips, leaning down with half-lidded eyes. Then a pesky thought hit you causing you to push against his leaning chest which had Harry inwardly grumbling.

“Wait, Harry, I haven’t washed up!”

“I figured, I had Jesse go out and buy you a few things. Those skin care products and face wash you idolize so much. She probably set them in the bathroom already.”

“The avocado and cucumber facewash? And the hydrating facial cleansers? With the pomegranate-berry face cream?”

Harry nodded, but kept you firmly beneath him, “If you can stand to hug me after I came back from Gorilla City- after all the shit they did and threw at me, then I think I can stand being around you in the clothes you’ve worn from yesterday and unfreshened up.”

“Yeah, not your best moments.” You teased him and slithered from underneath his grasp, hopping off the bed.

“Hey!”

He watched you step into the bathroom. God, I love you. Harry went on his phone, staring at the picture you and he took on New Year’s as the water ran in the bathroom. Maybe now wouldn’t be the best time no matter how many times Jesse’s been pestering me about it. Coming back, you dove right into his side and cuddled him close with a jubilee smile on your face. Harry swears his heart melted for the 100th time that day.

“If you want to… do stuff later, we’d have to do that back at my apartment after I shower and everything,” you traced patterns with your finger over his chest. “And so, no one interrupts and…. Yeah…”

“Definitely want to ‘do stuff’ later.” You blushed at his wink and how he wiggled his eyebrows. Babe, you’re going to need to shower after that too. Leaning in Harry caught your ear between his teeth before whispering all the dirty things and positions he wants to put you in. “I’m going to make sure my name is the only thing you remember tomorrow morning, my sweet, sweet Persephone.” Covering your face, you resisted the urge to scream in frustration at this man’s level of teasing. Knowing he had impeccable patience for the nightly activities to come later. Harry knew the exact effect he had on you, how he can make your body scream in ecstasy as he’d show you just how capable he is in loving you. Blow out a puff of air, you calmed yourself and hormones. Your thirsty side would need to wait until you two went home.

“Harry?”

“Hm?” He blinked out of his thoughts and gave you a quizzical look.

“Do me a favor and flex.”

Harry blinked at you for a moment before sitting up and flexing. You won’t deny that your thirsty thoughts took over for a bit again when you reached up to run your fingers over the toned muscles. Before you could do anything else Harry’s strong arms wrapped around you as he snuggled his head into your chest. Soft. Your cheeks turned a rosy color as you felt him kiss your exposed chest from all the rolling around in bed.

“I don’t think I’m needed anywhere else today,” you mused, ruffling his chaotically messy locks. He breathed you in like a man taking a huge breath of air before diving into the depths of water.

“Perfect, because for the record, I wasn’t going to let you out of my arms all day.”

You chuckled and kissed his forehead, “Neither will I.” Shutting your eyes, the both of you slowly drifted off in each other’s embrace.

***

Sherloque sighed to himself as he stepped out of the dimensional portal into his home. The detective adjusted his coat around him. It was cold and empty again, but at least he had arrived safely again. Everything was still in place. His mind could not help, but to wander before he left you in the hands of Harry and his daughter.

(Flashback)

“Eh bien il était temps,” Sherloque remarked with a confident smirk. Harry and Jesse strolled closer to the detective with Harry rolling his eyes at him. Sherloque’s eyes landed onto Jesse, who only smiled at him politely. Jesse’s dealt with HR before so she likes to think she can handle another of her father’s doppelgangers. But she won’t lie, she’s a bit curious on what her doppelgangers are like. “You must be Jesse Quick.”

“That I am, nice to meet you…”

“Sherloque. And likewise, your father ‘as talked so much about you. ‘ave-” Her father had sent the detective a hard and threatening look, meaning that Sherloque should likely think twice before deciding to psychoanalyze and deduce Jesse. The Wells doppelganger chose his next words carefully, “-’ow was it?”

“I got it all back, minor headaches, but nothing else out of the ordinary,” Harry shrugged, knowing what Sherloque had been referring to and rubbed his temple as his eyes fell to your slumbering form. Your chest rose and fell with each relaxed breath.

“Right, well it was nice meeting you, Sherlock,” Jesse unfurled her arms, mentally plotting something vengeful.

“Sherloque, it’s French.”

“Yeah, cool, whatever,” She shrugged, not really caring before speeding off to scare Team Flash in their respective homes that she’s back. Especially Cisco and Barry, who Harry’s told her to get back at them good.

“She’s finally asleep.” Harry moves to pick you up from the couch and Sherloque’s lap. His arm hooked under your legs while the other held you around your lower back. Your head lulled into Harry’s neck, unconsciously breathing in his scent. He had already decided that a bed would be much more comfortable than a couch.

“You should zhank Nash for zhat,” Sherloque stood up, following the Harry to leave the Speed lab. The chaotically dark-haired Wells spared his counterpart a glance as a snort left his lips. “After all he’s zhe one zhat slipped a sleeping agent into ‘er drink. I called it drugging, ‘e ‘ad opposing zhoughts to zhat, as you can imagine.”

Harry remained silent, knowing he would have to thank Nash eventually for watching out for you these past couple of weeks in his absence. Especially when you had been sacrificing every moment of sleep to ensure everything had gone according to plan. Entering the familiar layout of his old room, Harry gently placed you on the bed and pulled up the thick blankets to keep you warm. Your boyfriend took a seat beside you, but across your sleeping form, leaning down to kiss the crown of your head. Sherloque smiled fondly at you and his doppelganger as he stood beside the end of the bed. Tout comme Hades et Perséphone des mythes grecs.

“Will you be sticking around? We can use all the help we can get with Bloodwork and Eva,” Harry asked, turning his head to the detective, a hand was in his lap while the other had linked his pinky with your own.

Sherloque blew a puff of air, his eyes glancing around before looking to you and Harry. He pressed his lips into a hard line before speaking up, “Actually, I must return ‘ome, zhere are… a few zhings zhat I need to take care of. Somezhing zhat your petit fleur ‘ad said to me.”

Harry raised an eyebrow but left it alone, it had been a matter between you and Sherloque. The two nodded before Sherloque used his extrapolator to leave Earth-Prime, throwing once last look to this Earth’s ironic ‘reincarnation’ of Persephone and Hades.

(End Flashback)

Sherloque only tipped his head lower before your words echoing in his already distracted mind as his feet carried him out of his home and to his Earth’s Central City’s precinct. The rain lightly cascaded down onto the city, a rough breeze howling past.

-“You deserve better. You really do, Sherloque. Love will find you.”

“Easy for you to say.” Sherloque snorted, blowing on his tea.

“Hey, head up,” You found yourself sitting beside the now cynical man as you wrapped your arms around him in a comforting hug. “It could even literally run right into you one day when you least expect it.”-

Il est facile pour vous de dire, petite fleur. Sherloque sighed. Je souhaite secrètement qu’il avait été avec vous. Quelles sont les chances que je puisse rencontrer un bel esprit comme vous dans ma dimension?Sur ma terre?

The detective was relieved that the Earth-1 Renee had had mercy on his being and not demanded money from the detective, instead wishing to go back and to never see him again. Typical, yet unlike his other ex-wives that have been milking him for any penny that he owns. Why he always chased after the same women was always a question that his mind and heart clashed with his desires on it. Sherloque’s eyes blurred slightly then refocused, he was still lost in his mind as his feet picked up the pace. His shoes tapped against the cold, wet surface of the concrete path. The taller man quickly collided with a shorter body, his chest lightly stung from the impact as he took a step back and ready to scold the other person. Sherloque’s eyes widened as he felt his world stop. Lo and behold your doppelganger had crashed right into him. The detective blinked a few times, speechless.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You picked up his fallen hat, patting off the water that had gotten onto it from its fall into a shallow puddle. You rambled, “I can’t believe I did that. I’m such a ditz, I promise- If only I was paying more attention to where I was walking and not my phone- and honestly I can be really oblivious-”

Sherloque processed only half of the words that came out of your mouth while his mind went into its deductive phase. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying, hair knotted, possibly from rushing to work this morning. The detective faintly smelled dimethyl disulfide, ketones, toluene, and other chemical compounds that are used on cadavers. You worked with dead organisms, particularly humans. He deduced that your rumpled lab coat that stained with old blood and chemical burns and sagged shoulders from the weight of your bag. You had been fired from a research facility belonging to a medical institute. Picking up on the clues, you had been framed. A scapegoat to the recently missing human cadavers from your long nights at the labs. Long nights spent on carefully analyzing tissues and cells that have not yet degenerated. A means to collecting and keeping those samples viable for regeneration of the spine, brain, and heart. Organs that scarcely regenerate themselves after scarring or attack from autoimmune diseases.

“-What’s your name?”

“(Y/N) (L/N), I’m a biomedical scientist. I uh- sorry, I don’t know any French, I think that was it?”

“Oui, it was.”

Peut-être... L’amour n’a pas besoin d’être avec une Renée.Peut-être qu’il peut venir de quelqu’un d’autre- quelqu’un de précieux qui peut rendre la pareille à l’amour que j’aspire.Cela peut prendre soin de moi comme je le ferais pour eux. Your doppelganger stood worriedly in front of him. For some reason, the dark-haired Frenchman look vaguely familiar. Sherloque saw that there was nothing but kind intentions behind those glimmering eyes. A spark of light illuminated within your doppelganger’s eyes when yours met his. The similarities between your Earth-Prime self and the one that stood in front of him were impeccable, as were the differences… He could read your personality, little details that indicate the kind of person that you are. But he voiced none of his deductions. It was then that Sherloque had made his decision.

The tall Frenchman picked up the umbrella you had dropped from the force of the collision. He ensured that it was not broken before handing it to you. Taking his fedora, Sherloque smiled keenly at you as he gestured with his head for you to follow. “Come along, petit fleur, I require your expertise for a crucial case. Lives depend on it.”

“But I’m-”

“Currently free since you’re now out of work judging by your sullen eyes. Yet zhey twinkle wizh zhe desire for somezhing… more than the basic lab life.”

You directed your gaze back up at him with guilty, but curious eyes at his deduction. “That’s amazing, how…?”

Sherloque tilted his head at you before he held a hand out to you. For some odd reason Sherloque felt that this time would be different. Things would be different. The way you made his heart thrum warmly in his chest. C’est ce que ressentent Nash, Wolfgang et Harry? Quand vous les regardez avec ces yeux pétillants d’intellect et de générosité? “Come, our clients await.” He watched you hesitate before wordlessly setting your hand in his with curiosity filling your mind. The detective observed you as he placed a gentle kiss on your knuckles then tugged you along with him.

French Translation:

Tout comme Hades et Perséphone des mythes grecs - Just like Hades and Persephone from the Greek myths

Il est facile pour vous de dire, petite fleur - It is easy for you to say, little flower -

Je souhaite secrètement qu’il avait été avec vous. Quelles sont les chances que je puisse rencontrer un bel esprit comme vous dans ma dimension?Sur ma terre? - I secretly wish that it had been with you. What are the chances that I can meet a beautiful spirit such as you in my dimension? On my Earth?

Peut-être... L’amour n’a pas besoin d’être avec une Renée.Peut-être qu’il peut venir de quelqu’un d’autre- quelqu’un de précieux qui peut rendre la pareille à l’amour que j’aspire.Cela peut prendre soin de moi comme je le ferais pour eux. - Maybe… Love doesn’t have to be with a Renee. Maybe it can come from someone else- someone precious that can reciprocate the love that I yearn for. That can take care of me as I would for them

C’est ce que ressentent Nash, Wolfgang et Harry? Quand vous les regardez avec ces yeux pétillants d’intellect et de générosité? - Is this what Nash and Wolfgang and Harry feel? When you look up at them with those sparkling eyes of intellect and generosity?

L’amour est une chose mystérieuse. La petite fleur pour laquelle j’avais une étincelle de sentiments avant d’être aveuglée par une autre Renée... Cette fois, je serai prudent avec mon cœur.Cette fois, j’apprendrai à aimer cette petite fleur qui m’a déjà intrigué.Cette fois, je vais poursuivre le bonheur et le changement avec un autre qui n’est pas Renée.Cette fois sera différente - Love is a mysterious thing. The little flower that I had a spark of feelings for before being blinded by another Renee… This time, I will be careful with my heart. This time, I will learn how to love this little flower who has already intrigued me. This time, I will pursue happiness and change with another that is not Renee. This time will be different.

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

Text

Survey #446

“so you can throw me to the wolves / tomorrow i will come back, leader of the whole pack”

Favourite cheese? American. Superman or Batman? I know literally nothing of Superman, but I like Batman. Who are your best friends? The only person I consider a best friend is Sara. Name the 3 most important people in your life: My mom, Sara, and... I suppose myself since I cherish my mental health VERY deeply. Are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? No. Do you know anyone who is overly flirty with people? Girl or a boy? In my personal opinion, yes. I do believe it's possible to be "overly" flirty, considering you can really lead people on. It's a she. Do you believe vampires are real? Not the stereotypical Twilight kind. No. Have you ever been to a porn website? Were you addicted to it afterword? No. I'm really not into that. What is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? I think the most disgusting thing anyone can do is commit rape. Would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? Which one seems best? I feel teleportation is obviously more convenient and useful in dangerous situations. Have you seen the movie Twister? Did the tornadoes look real to you? LKJFL;AKSDJFKLASJDLFKA;WE NOOOOOOOOOO. I am WAY too terrified of tornadoes to watch that. Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? Hurricane Floyd was pretty devastating. I was too young to really remember it, though. Did your mom ever fix your eggs and bacon into a smiley face as a kid? She probably did. What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? BOJANGLE'S, AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet Earth? I mean, it's possible, but I don't know. Do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? I didn't know they stopped. Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? I couldn't possibly care less, it's a natural bodily function. Just because of societal standards though, I don't burp in public, though, but only around family and close friends. What is one kind of music you’d do anything to not listen to in the car? Anything like rap that has a STUPIDLY loud bass that just annoys everyone within a ten mile radius. When was the last time you babysat, if ever? Did anything bad happen? A year or two ago, for my nephew. No one else was free to watch him, so I had no choice. Nothing bad happened, besides nearly having a panic attack. Do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? Or is that weird? No. Even Sara and I don't do it, because I'm too self-conscious of how I look. Even though she's seen me plenty before irl. Would you ever consider becoming a scientist? Why would you or why not? Well, I majored in biology briefly... I wanted to be a wildlife biologist. I just adore animals and thought I could do it. I just couldn't handle school. When is the next time you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? I'm not especially close to any of my cousins. Are you really into vintage things? Have you ever been into that stuff? Yessss! is writing something that you enjoy doing? Definitely. Would you rather read or write? Write. Would you rather draw or take photographs? If I wind up being very proud of the product, I prefer drawing, but I take pictures far more. When was the last time you cheated at something? I have no clue. Has anyone ever copied off of your homework assignments? I think so? Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? ... *stares at my folder labelled "Mark"* What would you consider your favorite holiday? Why is this? Christmas. I love the whole vibe of it. The weather, the smells, the treats, my niece's and nephew's excitement... I adore all the lights and decorations, the gratefulness for family and your loved ones in general... I just love Christmas. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? I'd say my hips are normal. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? God no. Not anymore. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? Nope. How many times have you seen Star Wars? Be honest. Once. I didn't like it. Has your best friend ever made you cry? Yes. But in her defense, we've both made the other cry. Have you ever entered a talent competition? God no, I ain't got shit to flaunt. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yes. If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light? And if you wear mascara, what colour is it? I only ever wear black for both of those. What is your favourite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What do you get complimented on the most? My Markiplier tattoo, actually. What do you think of your best friend’s ex? One I REALLY don't like, the other I'm neutral about. Are you biracial? No. Do you have Pop-Tarts in your house right now? No. We try to not buy them, given they're just TOTALLY empty calories. They don't fill me at all. Is anyone’s birthday coming up? No. Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Do you like sour candy? I LOVE sour candy. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Alaska, to see the Northern Lights. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I haven't driven in well over a year. Hell, maybe two. But no, because I'd need prescription sunglasses. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yeah. What time do you usually have dinner? 5:30-6:30, usually. What’s your favourite meat? Chicken, I think. What is your favourite meal of the day and why? Breakfast. I just enjoy breakfast foods. What colour is your shampoo? White. Tell me a silly little old wive’s tale you believed when you were a child: My older sister got me to believe that if you said a word a ridiculous amount of times, it'd be the only word you knew how to say anymore, lmao. Shut up, I was little. What was the last magazine you bought? Do you subscribe to any? I don't buy magazines. Whose Facebook profile did you last look at? Was there anything that caught your attention? Uh, that's a good question. Do you regret your last relationship? Not at all. What’s better, mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes? Mashed potatoes, though I'm picky with them and the texture. Did you ever used to make cookies, cakes, or pie with your grandma? No. Do you like kids? Not especially. They ask too many questions and can be really rude, even though I know they usually don't mean to be. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Dino Crisis 2. I finished her playthrough of Final Fantasy X, so now I feel a void in my soul that I am trying to fill with a new series lmao. Do you burn incense? Not really anymore. I'm not against it, I just... haven't. What is your favorite kind of cracker? Cheese-Itz. Can you name a single song by Billy Joel without looking it up? Yeah; I can name a few, actually. My dad loves Billy Joel, so I heard him a lot growing up. "Piano Man" is a classic. Do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]? I actually really like the Jolly Rancher ones. Have you ever been kissed while sitting atop the hood of a car? That's actually possible... but I'm not sure. I think I have a faint memory of lying on a car hood with Jason before. What do you think is the dumbest/tackiest piercing? I don't like calling a piercing either of those, like if they make someone feel more confident and attractive, good for them. I can say I'm personally not a fan of the smiley piercing, though. Have you ever requested a song on the radio? No. When I was a kid at a birthday party, though, one of the girls did. Does your mother still take care of you if you get ill? She helps a lot, yeah. What is one song that always brings back memories every time you hear it? Honestly, too many. I attach way too aggressively to songs. Do you currently have any pimples? Not currently, no. Did anything disturb your sleep at all last night? Ugh, yes. I couldn't sleep for shit. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? I have only seen one picture of Jason with the girl he dated after me and it. Set. Me. On. Fucking. Fire. It's pathetic. If you’re not in college, why? All it did was give me emotional breakdowns. What do you think about MTV? I am way too out of the loop on what goes on on any TV channel to answer this. What was your very first day of your very first job like? What’d you do? How long did it take you to get the hang of it, and feel comfortable with working? This was waaaay too long ago... All I remember is actually being hopeful, though nervous. I never got to the point of feeling comfortable there. Or at any job. If you have a dog, are they friendly to strangers or other dogs? We don't have a dog, but we do have a cat that is EXTREMELY skittish around strangers. Someone he doesn't know comes through the door? He's bolting to hide. Do people ever comment on or joke about your driving? Well, I got flipped off once by a driver, so... I'd consider that a silent comment. I, to this day, don't know why they (it was a group of guys) did it, but it's stuck with me. What was the last thing to move you? Are you easily moved or inspired? The ending of FFX alsdkfjkaljlkwjer. And yes. If you`ve ever seen your very favorite band, did you cry when you saw them? Was it like a dream come true? If you`ve never seen them, do you think you would? I haven't, but I probably would a little bit. Of all the reality competitions you’ve watched, who are some of your all-time favorite contestants and what shows were they from? From America's Got Talent, I adore(d) Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., as well as Prince Poppycock. I keep up with them both on Facebook. Ever had a friend named Alex or John? One of my closest online friends was Alex. A couple years ago she just... got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the earth. Are you happy with your relationship status? I mean... no, I'm ridiculously lonely, but being single is for the best right now. What kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs? Just ketchup and mustard. Have you ever been in a spelling bee? No. What is the most annoying thing that your parents do? Mom absolutely always assumes she's right. Dad repeats himself like CRAZY. Would you say you’re someone who has good manners? Yes. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Actually, the doctors couldn't determine mine (or any of Mom's kids') because my legs were ALWAYS crossed when they did ultrasounds. Mom says she "knew" I was a girl, though. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? I'm addicted to caffeine, yes. Who makes the best desserts in your entire family? Hm, I dunno. Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I have very severe sleep apnea that results in very violent nightmares almost any time I sleep without my APAP mask. Even WITH the damn mask, I have them a lot. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? *shrug* Do you have trouble reading small fonts? Yes. I used to find it aesthetically pleasing, but my vision is just too bad now, even with my (shitty) glasses. Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? I think so. Do you find watching animals in their natural habitat to be exciting & fascinating? Absolutely!! The last time you had sex: did you want it, or did the other person want it? ... You know it's supposed to be a mutual desire, right?? What does your sibling(s) call you? "Britt." Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? Maybe? I'm unsure. Did/do you believe them? Hell no. I don't believe in psychics and believe people who claim to be so are manipulative pieces of shit. Is anything annoying you right now? I am bored to an inexplicable level askldjfla;wejlr. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Yeah. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? No. Have you ever felt abandoned? Well yes. By definition, my dad abandoned our family. Where are you? I’m in my bed. What’s been the worst part of this day? I've just been so, so bored. I'm sick and fucking tired of dealing with anhedonia. Who last encouraged you to better yourself? My therapist.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''throne'' by bring me the horizon

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years ago

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Blood, tears and sea breeze.

Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, description of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.

This is a very dark chapter, is not graphic, but it is really sad.

Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.

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Chapter 12: Green lights

The four adults walked inside in silence, and the paced sound of the metronome was the only noise they could hear for a moment, somehow it made the room feel darker, and cold, even when a shiny yellow sun could be guessed outside the window through the white curtains.

Hardy look away from the device, sitting right in the middle of the desk next to the Dr. Cecil Florence plaque, and a tea cup. In the middle of the office there was a comfortable couch, the one he already knew too well. It wasn't a loud sound, however he find it unnerving and was desperate to make it stop, thankfully he wouldn't have to sit next to it.

Miller sited on an empty chair, the one closer to the door, and gave an awkward smile to Doctor Florence as in "Don't read anything into this" although she was sure her stiff movements were already telling the doctor she didn't want to be there.

Alec lean against the window trying to look at the whole room at once, but he didn't rise his look too high, avoiding Cecil's curious gaze, then he noticed Y/N nervously rubbing her wrist, he remembered seeing her do it before, but somehow he hadn't pay enough attention to the fact before.

"Are you going to make me sing psalms too?" Y/N said with a smile pointing at the metronome.

"Beg your pardon?" Dr Florence said with a strained look.

"Sister Mary, she was an old noun that was in charge of the church long before Father Coats" Alec rise his look with some anger at the way she talked about Paul, and immediately reprimanded himself. "When I was little if you get in trouble she would put out one of those out and made you sing psalms to, I don't know scare the devil away or something".

"Only because the stupid cow was already too old to use the cane" Miller said laughing too. "I still have the scar on my thigh, all because I was late to sunday school" Hardy tried to hide the Oh that's what that red mark was realization out of his mind, but he was thankful that Ellie always knew how to lighten the mood in a room.

"Well, don't worry, is only to guide your train of thought" The doctor said and Y/N sat on the couch a bit more relaxed. "Before we started I want to ask you again if you are okay with the detectives being here, and with this procedure, I also must remind you that this could be emotionally draining, and that we might not always found actual memories"

"I know all that doc, it's okay, let's do it" she laid back on the couch after giving a secure wink to the woman and closed her eyes.

"Fine, then I must remind the detectives that you shall not interfere under any circumstances, in case she needs to stop I will make the procedure stop if I consider it necessary." they nodded and everything went silent again except for the device "You should focus on the sound, use it to guide your breathing, I won't tell you were to start, but I would want you to imagine yourself in a place that brings you comfort

Click... click... click

"I'm in my room, I'm getting ready to go out with Jonathan and Ash..."

"Why are you going out?" Her voice was soothing and Y/N breath was calmed, Miller thought she would fall asleep before she could say anything but then she began recalling the event like she was living it again.

Ashley had gotten a excellent week at the Deli, so she had invited me and Jonathan to celebrate, he was on a grumpy mood, not uncommon on the last few days, but he accept to come with us anyway, he even agreed to wear that ugly purple shirt her mother sent for his birthday. She was always talking about how I never let him dress like a City boy anymore.

We were only the three of us, Charlie didn't came because her mother had a cold and he had to take care of her, sometimes I wonder if he was not angry that Ashley moved out, maybe I will bring Mrs. Langford some soup tomorrow to make him company.

Ashley looked stunning, like she always did, I was never bold enough to wear that kind of short dresses, Jonathan even had to scare a couple guys away from her while they went to get us drinks.

"Only two shots" He said with that dad like look he always had for me to prevent me from doing anything fun... I guess I won't see that anymore

"You are doing great dear" The doctor said once tears star running down her cheek, "Focus on the club, were you in Broadchurch, what time it was? Do you remember the music?"

Some horrible techno music, something kids listen, most of the people around didn't look old enough to be out at 12:00, let alone drink.

The tequila was smooth, and after the second shot I stand up to dance with Ashley, but it was crowded, so I lost her after a while and went back to sit at the table, Jonathan was gone, and I ordered more shots, I don't remember two or maybe three. I started feeling dizzy, so I stand up to go to the bathroom maybe Jonathan was there, it have been long and he hasn't come back.

I saw Ashley kissing a handsome man she often do that when we were younger, that's why she left her house, their parents were too conservative, and she was fighting with Charles all the time because of it, I never actually mind that she do that, but I felt mad, because she had left me alone so I tried to walk out of the club

"Hey hey hey" a voice said behind me, it was a large man, he was wearing a bright red shirt, and he smelled like bourbon, and aftershave, he had nice eyes "Are you okay dear?" I tried to tell him I was fine and walk away but my feet were no longer responding and the green lights of the club were making my head hurt, I was not sure how was I so far from the crowd

"I can't breathe" I said and I tried to walk outside but his hand was on my wrist and he didn't let go

"Let's go outside, you need air" he said and then the cold air of the night strike me in the face, the moon was out, he was smoking, and I was trying to get some clarity, but everything was so confusing and my legs felt week...

"You smell so nice" he said with his hot breathing my neck and one of his hands on my chest, I tried to scream, to run maybe but then everything went red, I felt a stinging pain on my head, and how he lift me from the ground.

Hardy was tense angrily listening to her story, and definitely not wanting to keep listening, but he didn't interrupt her, and obviously the women in the room were not thrill to listen either, Y/N breathing was now fast and she was fully crying but she kept her eyes closed.

He took away my ring, and for a moment I was glad because I thought he was trying to rob me, but then I could hear him taking off his pants, I kept my eyes closed, I tried to scream to call Jonathan and Ashley, anyone... I thought I was going to die, I would have rather die... I thought of my parents... and I got enough strength to scream and I did, but then he hit me in the face again, and then, Please don't do that... Please stop! Stop!! Someone help me!!...

"Stop this" Ellie said loudly "Please doctor stop this"

"DS Miller, I have to ask you to remain impartial" she said with a quiet voice but she was also very affected by the story.

Hardy was not listening, by that moment Y/N voice were only screams, and she had now the same lost look she did at the Latimer's house. He approach her carefully, but she was desperately rubbing her wrist again and not letting the doctor come near her so she went to her desk to prepare something to tranquilize her.

"I lost it, my mom said I should always keep it on, and I lost it, she is going to be mad" she said with a voice that reminded him of Daze when she cut his ties in ribbons for her dolls, and he wondered if she was still not entirely awake.

"Y/N" he said desperate to act before the doctor would injected the medication, and this time he didn't hesitate and simply hold her tight against his chest "I'm here, you are at Doctor Florence's office ok?" Once she was calmed he make her look at him softly "I'm with you, you're safe" she looked thankful at him but didn't let go, and he could only hold her patting her head, trying to avoid Miller concerned look, and ignoring the fact that the unsettling feeling in his stomach was now satisfied because she was on his arms.

"I would expect that you would be following my advice from now on and not force this poor girl to more trauma in the future" the doctor said to him once Y/N exited the room to go to the restroom.

"I hope we could" Miller said defeated "But if that memory was true in any way now we have to look for a sex offender and a murderer"

"When she was waking up, she said... the way she talked..." Alec tried to elaborate

"It's an old wound, I was convinced she was over that by now, but apparently not" The doctor started. "When she was youger she was diagnosed with absence crisis, a special kind of epilepsy, and her parents made her use a bracelet in case she suffered a crisis at school or so, the idot that treat her before me had her under many medications because he couldn't determine her anxiety disorder, so I work with her to take her out of the meds, and eventually she was having a very normal life, she kept using the bracelet as comfort when she felt anxious, but she did not have crisis anymore"

"Until her parents die?" Miller asked remembering what she read in her archive.

"Precisely, they had a discussion, when she finished Uni she wanted to take a job across the sea in Paris or something like that, she gave her mother the bracelet and she went to stay with her friend Ashley on their own, and then her parents had the accident, she has always felt guilty, and since she didn't recover the bracelet she sometimes goes back to her childhood when they make her use it, is just a minor compulsion, not weird under this circumstances"

"She didn't find it?" Alec ask cautiously.

"No, apparently it was not at her parents house, I'm sorry is something else I can help you with?" She said and he change his expression immediately.

"It's fine, we will be in touch if we need anything else, we are very grateful for your help" Ellie said and the doctor went back to her office a d they walked out to wait for Y/N at the car.

"Someone is definitely liying" Miller said once they were inside and grey clouds start covering the sky. "That bracelet was on her the day the body was found" she said.

"I know, but not on any pictures from before that, so either our killer put it on her or she lied to the doctor, but that was, what 10 years ago? Is too long for something she simply forgot to tell her shrink about" a lightning illuminate the sky and the thunder following let him now that will be a rainy day. "I was hoping we'll get more from this, but now we have to listen her friend again, she didn't remember that night, only she was at home with the boyfriend angry about something."

"I can't imagine how did he found her, and she is in no way ready to answer that yet, we had to check out the club, maybe someone saw something, I hate this bloody case" She hit the wheel with her fist. "That poor girl, every time I'm more convinced she is the victim here, but it's all just confusing"

"Yeah, I mean maybe you should take today off, it was hard to hear what she said inside"

"I could say the same about you" He look at her surprised "Oh don't gave me that look, I was not going to comment on this, but you are getting too involved in this"

"Of course I'm not!" He tried to defend himself but she was not paying attention to him.

"Yes you are, and look I'm not going to say anything, but if you became partial on your judgment, for the case, and for your own good, I'm removing you from the case" she said and make a sign to Y/N to show her they were already in the car.

"I thought I was still your superior" He said quietly before she got inside.

"I'll talk to you boss then" she said with a smile, and he knew then that she was not joking, he rolled his eyes with anger because she was right, he would have done the same, and also he was concerned that maybe he was letting Y/N get under his skin making it impossible for him to remain impartial about her.

Tag list:

@allonsymexgirl @laciesaito @tf18unipups @dazedkrosupreme @timey-wimey-lovi

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unboundbnha · 4 years ago

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hoooo my god. this is for ME

for me. for godzilla. :’)

➤ rules; make headcanons of you and a character of your choice, be it sfw or nsfw.

Thank you so much for tagging me @spicyness! I’m gonna SKAJHDSKJ. HHHHH. This is everything? Fuck I just want a purple boyfriend 😫 this will be about Shinsou because I like him a normal amount :-)

First off, I’m a pain in the ass. My sense of humor is wack (it’s basically just ‘annoy my friends and loved ones’), I’m always fricken TANKING The Mood (because it’s funny and I physically cannot resist making a Funny if the opportunity’s there), everything turns into a game unless you make me stop wink wonk. Shinsou seems like the type to snort in amusement and roll his eyes at my dumb antics, and I appreciate that! If I could make him legit laugh I’d die happy. (I am also emotionally savvy enough to know when to draw the line though, don’t worry. It’s just, man, my idea of fun is ‘LET’S ROAST ‘EM’)

I love cats. I’ll lose my whole mind over them. They NEED head kisses. Shinsou also likes cats. He also needs head kisses. That’s it, that’s the bullet point

Being open and honest and genuine is important to me. I believe most any relationship (friendship or otherwise) can work if you’re willing to communicate and empathize with the other person: I would 100% be willing to hear Shinsou’s shit, and he seems like he’d be a good listener too. I’m also good at logicking things through and he seems like he’d appreciate that. Likewise, he seems like he’d do the same for me, and as long as we stayed humble and weren’t looking to be offended (I don’t Do That -- he’s a Cancer -- love you, Cancers -- so it might take him a minute to get on the same page, but he’s emotionally smort and cares about me so I think he’d be willing to work at it) then we could help each other through emotionally hard stuff with hard truths. Plus, I’m a super honest person: if he was in a relationship with me he’d probably be pretty secure in knowing I wouldn’t hurt him on purpose. If past shit comes up with him, I’ll talk to him. Talking’s the good shit, y’all: utilize patience and empathy and you’ll be so well off!

I also battle, with a big fucking sword, a lot with mental health stuff (LMAOOOO WHO DON’T!!! YEET). I used to struggle with agoraphobia and still deal with anxiety and depression. On top of that, I have something like chronic fatigue -- I’ve been calling it chronic fatigue because I’m fucking tired, all the time. My top energy levels are like a 35% on a fantastic day. I really like the idea of this boye seeing me melting into a puddle, face down on the carpet, and bein like “how’s it going down there? you okay?” and the answer being obviously no, but him just like. Man I dunno. He seems like the kind of person who’s tired, but who can live with it. I can’t! When I’m tired, that’s it babes! I hit a 0% on my battery and I’ll collapse! So I just, hhhh. Don’t laugh, but I like to fantasize about him bundling me up and into bed. Thinkin’ about Birthday Snoot by my good friend @lord-explosion-baku and melting, okay?? OKAY???? I’m soft, the truth’s OUT, FUCK! I want to be taken care of like a sad but pampered cat.

(Please read Birthday Snoot I still cry over it)

Also I’m gross and struggle to shower often enough because it’s exhausting so bein given a gentle bath? oh MAN. Hands softly running through my stupid, terrible hair...asking me about my day and if anything happened that triggered me feeling this bad...just....the tenderness....the gentle affection.....being loved even when I’m at my lowest. Being cared for when I can’t do it myself. That’s a legit fantasy y’all. We out here!

I love to SNOOZE. I love being COZY. You bet your sweet bippy I’m gonna sprawl over a couch and take up the whole thing. Shinsou’d better be willing to snuggle the fuck up. I’ve got great squish which I personally feel like’s great for cuddling: I’m like warm taffy. How better to gently seep into every crevasse of your Favorite Person while enjoying a cozy cuddle?

Listen, everyone fucks hard with Shinsou calling his S/O ‘kitten’, and I agree (def have written leetle -- HOO -- leetle scenarios with that nickname because wow) but I get all wibbly with the idea of He calling me ‘Angel’. A joke at first because, like, guys, I’m really nice. (I know it sounds bad when people say they’re nice and LSDFLKJDF I AM, OKAY. I’ve worked on it. Cultivated the skill of kindness! Being kind isn’t easy, and sometimes you just wanna go apeshit, but I’ve worked hard to improve upon myself! Yeet!) But I also just really fucking love being annoying. I simply cannot resist the urge to sneak up behind someone and poke them in the ribs. I rib-poke while in the deep depths of making out too, I’ve tanked the mood a lot so picture my dumb ass Pink Panther’ing behind Shinsou, prepared to be Evil while he’s, idk, making breakfast or something, and before I can commit a Rib Crime he uses his hero training and fast reflexes and honed senses and all that good stuff to snatch my wrist and ask “what’re you up to, angel?” the answer is nothing, because he’s killed me by being sexy and fast and hero-y, and he’s probably actually killed me by startling me into collapsing like a fainting goat

He gets the deep stuff. Unfortunately for everyone and especially myself, I’m a Thinker with a capital T: it never fucking stops. I had an existential crisis for like three years in a row because of course, but I feel like he knows what it’s like to get lost in your head. Working each other out of panic attacks because holy jesus the universe sure is fucking huge huh? We’re not even a blip on the radar in the history of existence and we’re gonna be dead basically tomorrow aaaand that’s why we’d be good for each other, because I feel like we both have coping mechanisms that keep us from spiraling too bad, and we could share them with each other.

I also so fucking admire his drive, but it makes me angry that stupid fucking hero society would discriminate in the first place.

Oh, yeah, that’s another good point: I’m hella mad about 98% of the time and I work hard to hide it! Because innocent people don’t deserve to get yelled at! I feel like Shinsou’s smart enough to sense when I’m about to pop and he can be like “heyyyyy...you wanna talk this out constructively instead of getting into a public brawl?” and I’ll be like “NO but I’ll do it for you because I love you” and then we get pizza.

Because I’m fine and balanced and stuff, I made a quirk for myself if I was in the BNHA-verse, and basically I can get stronger at the expense of higher thinking skills and will turn into a weapon of mass destruction against whatever I’m pointing at (ugh, that’s so sexy. Fuck I wanna be a big spooky buff as shit monster thing), friend or foe, so Shinsou and I would work well in tandem because if I got too rowdy he could use his quirk and get me to calm down! Keep me from accidentally doing a murder! Nice!

Okay this is nsfw so if you’re under 18 DON’T READ IT. I’LL CALL YOUR PARENTS. GET OFF MY BLOG.

Relating to the point above, QUIRKPLAY. Mind control me into stuff I want to do but am too awkward to ask for, please and THANK you. Also, Shinsou’s a top. Gotta be, and thank god for it because I’m certainly not. I’m not happy about being a fucking bottom, because my first and most powerful personalty trait is ‘be as annoying as possible to the people you like; don’t let them tell you what to do.’ Can’t make it easy on myself, nope. Anyway, I want the appearance of being a top without the responsibility because damn, gotta be like, suave and shit. Gotta plan stuff. I don’t like that! I do that enough in real life and I don’t like it there, either! But whatever. I’m a brat and I feel betrayed by my coochie for it. But Shinsou’s a top and he’d tease me for being Fucking Terrible, and suddenly I wouldn’t be so mad at my coochie. She has her reasons.

I...like Shinsou for a lot of reasons, but a really big one, for sure, is that I feel like he can communicate about the important stuff. He likes to tease, but he knows when to be serious too. I’m really wack about being close and intimate with people and I have, hhh, special requirements to be able to sleep with them, and I feel like he’d both be able to respect AND honor that. Like, run through the rest of the BNHA boys with me here: would Bakugou be able to be completely cool, calm, and collected while still teasing, but knowing where to draw the line? Todoroki’s closer maybe, but he’s not as people-smart (which is also a big thing for me). Confidence (or at least the appearance of it when it’s important), respect, communication, listening and respecting what I ask for even if it seems wack -- Shinsou has that, and god is it attractive.

Also, mind control.

Also, his capture weapon.

Also you know this motherfucker is kinky as shit. Thank the good lord.

Also, sexy-slow makeouts with his long, nimble hands running up my outer thighs to squeeze my waist -- teeth on neck, stolen gasps of breath --

\\\\\\

I feel bad because all of this, fuckin, WALL of text is pretty much ‘this is what purble boy can do for me’ and I don’t say a lot I’d do for him, but if I got someone like him I’d go to the end of the earth for them. I may be a perpetually-sleepy bitch, but one of my best -- and worst -- character traits is my unwavering loyalty. I’ll be 110% down to kick anyone’s ass who insults him: he can fight his own battles, but he shouldn’t have to over some dumbass with a big mouth and a little brain. Making him smile and laugh, oof, be still my beating heart. Words of encouragement when life gets too much. Genuine thanks for his help, whatever it may be. Hugs, because we’re both touch-starved as fuck and he deserves gentleness, dammit. He doesn’t seem like his love language is receiving gifts -- more like quality time and words of affirmation? Maybe physical touch? -- but I’d still get him little things that made me think of him, that could help him in his day to day life or maybe just bring a smile to his face. We could rescue each other at social conventions, have dates to the humane society and play with cats. Support each other through our depression days, prove that even having a brain that’s mean to you sometimes doesn’t make you unlovable. Man, idk. The whole thing’s soft and makes my heart go doki-doki. Hitoshi Shinsou is an extremely good person and god damn I’d want to show him I appreciated him and existing at the same time as him. He deserves love and kindness. He deserves someone to kiss every knuckle of his hand. He deserves hugs in the kitchen and blankets being pulled over his shoulders when he falls asleep at the desk. He deserves only good things, and I’d be honored to give them to him.

HHHHH.

Okay! If you made it to the end of this, congratulations! You don’t actually get anything, but boy oh boy you have a lot of information about ME now! Aren’t you delighted? Heh. So! You tag people for this stuff, and I’m gonna tag @lord-explosion-baku, @bnhascribbles, @perpetual-bed-head, @russianonion, @weebsinstash, and last but certainly not least, @usernamekate94. Tell me about Monoma, Kate. Tell me.

#god this is a mess. anyway #I just! he's a good boy brent!!!! ;_;#self ship meme #author x character #I would feel embarrassed if I possessed the ability to feel embarrassed #I'm weak for one (1) man: so WHAT if he's fictional #I can daydream about giving him the hugs he deserves!!! AND I WILL

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