#stop enabling autistic people when they do bad things

[incubaeswriting]

Just found out about the muppet joker.

Wtf

[ceasarslegion]

The DNI that made you do math to use it?? 👀👀👀

Youre the first one who asked, so you get the answer.

This person was one of the other two weirdos from the Half Life RP discord server i teased at in this post earlier this week:

Once again, i want to disclaimer that this is not a callout post, I will not be giving any details that could be used to identify this person, and I will not be posting screenshots this time because they are still active on tumblr afaik. I dont want this to be used to bully anybody, this is just meant to be my personal experience with my specific side of this story. You can DM me directly or throw in a private answer request in an ask if you want screenshots, but only people i already know and trust not to cyberbully them will get a direct link to the DNI. The person in the story I linked is no longer active anywhere online, which is why I provided screenshots in that story.

And before i lay out the DNI details, I just want to say... there is a FINE LINE between requesting accommodations for a mental illness and infantilizing yourself. I can handle the former just fine, I will do all I can to help, but if you're a grown-ass adult babying yourself and then going "waa im autistic i cant do anything" i have ZERO tolerance for that. Buddy, I'm autistic, and I'm telling you to grow the fuck up.

Yeah, this person was one of those. They were over 18, and had public breakdowns about how everything was just soooo hard for them and everybody else was being problematic and ableist for *checks notes* asking them to wait in a line that was a little long for a new phone plan. Real example, they were screaming and crying in the vent channel because the line at a verizon store was a little long, and implying their father was ableist for asking them to wait for 20 minutes. Buddy, there are some things you JUST need to deal with in the real world regardless of whatever mental soup you have going on. If your autism is that bad, the solution is looking into things like noise canceling headphones, sunglasses, etc. But the world will not stop having lines that you just need to wait in sometimes because you dont like them.

I know that sounds harsh, but they werent exactly the type of person im willing to give the benefit of the doubt to. The majority of their problems were entirely their own fault, and they were clearly enabling and feeding the harder parts of their autism rather than doing anything in the way of learning to cope with it. I am terrified of spiders, like full on panic-inducing terrified of them, but I throw hands at them instead of running or freezing up. One time, I posted a photo of this gigantic-ass spider that was in my dorm room after I screamed and squashed it with my heavy duty winter outdoor patrol boots (im a security guard, not a cop, before anyone draws the wrong conclusion from that), and they proceeded to vague about me IN THE SAME SERVER about how problematic and insensitive i am for triggering their arachnophobia. My brother in christ when did you ever say you were triggered by spiders? Do you expect me to read your fucking mind?

Another instance was when they asked for the role to access the nsfw channel. They were over 18, so it was granted. They then got mad at us whenever we got horny on main in the sex channel because they were only there for the dirty jokes (that were posted in the main server anyway because none of us consider JOKES to be inappropriate). They literally asked for the sex channel role and then claimed we were being problematic because we talked about sex in the sex channel when they were uncomfortable with sex. And they had borderline puritan attitudes around sex. They acted like sex was icky and gross and should never be discussed around them lest it corrupt their pure innocent soul. Yeah thats your own fault chief, grow the fuck up.

Some lightning round stories: they broke up with their boyfriend purely because he liked "irredeemable media" and when said boyfriend said they were being a total dick for that, they proceeded to whine and cry that he was actually being abusive and terrible for being upset that he was dumped over the fucking movies he liked of all things. They once sat outside their little siblings recital and complained that their parents were problematic for not charging their switch enough because it died at the same recital they couldnt be assed to sit in for because "waaaa its too boring and thats bad for my autism." Didnt even TRY, just sat outside the door playing switch and then complained that their parents didnt charge their switch enough. Can you not plug something into a wall your damn self.

Needless to say, i didnt like them very much. I can handle legitimate accommodations, but they were just so self-infantilising that they gave the rest of us a bad name. Your autism is not an excuse to act like a fucking baby. You are not made of porcelain, you will not shatter at the slightest touch, being uncomfortable is a part of life youre going to have to deal with. Its not your autism at this point, youre a grown-ass adult who throws a tantrum when the line is a little long. GROW. UP.

Now that that rants over, lets get into what the DNI on their blog was like, because this behavior from them that I just outlined really contextualizes it.

Their DNI had two tiers. The first was "red flags," which meant that if you met any one of them you apparently werent allowed to interact. Of this included your typical nazis, pedophiles, terfs, and... beastars fans. No word of a lie. Being a fan of beastars was apparently just as bad as being a nazi. What did my boy legosi do to you? (Side note: i am forever enamored with how these people seem to think that theres people out there who both self-identify as nazis and would respect a DNI. I didnt even respect that DNI. I didnt interact with them because i thought they were a terrible person, but i did not take that DNI seriously. I was openly posting about beastars in the same server LMAO) and it wasn't just beastars, there was a ton of media that i didnt even know had discourse around them that they listed as red flags if you ever touched. Amazing.

The second tier was "yellow flags" which meant that you werent allowed to interact if you met any 3 or more of them. Here was mostly media, including homestuck fans, neil gaiman fans (WHAT DID NEIL DO TO YOU), and harry potter iirc. (WHY DID YOU SINGLE OUT BEASTARS?? WHAT DID MY BOY LEGOSI DO TO YOU) my favourite part of this though, was that republicans were listed under yellow flags. Apparently its worse to be a beastars fan than a republican. We arent gonna fucking make it

[sirenium]

If I witness one more person call the accommodation of autistic needs (hell, even allistic and/or otherwise disabled needs) 'enabling' I am going to scream.

trigger warning under the cut: mentions of bullying, shitty adults who fuck up their job so bad that it just makes things worse. Somewhat long post, you have been warned.

I have missed a lot of school throughout my life. When I was younger, it was because the kids never welcomed me, despite the office lady's attempts at making my mom see otherwise in 1st to 2nd grade. I switched schools a lot, in the hopes that I would have better luck meshing with my peers in another environment (I didn't). Once I turned thirteen, I learned how to mask for the most part, and suddenly, everyone was nice to me... and I didn't know why but didn't complain. I would have to leave often still, because I was exhausted and couldn't fathom staying the whole day. I think I missed more school the older I got, despite no longer being bullied: 13 was when I masked the hardest, and I missed so many days that the vice principal called me into his office to threaten me that, if I didn't stop missing so much school, they would send a social worker to my house. I didn't do much better with attendance in 9th grade, but this was 2019-2020 and we all know what happened then.

The theme throughout all of this was adults downplaying my struggles, watering it all down to me being lazy or defiant or whatever word they could pull out of their ass to villainize me. My own counselor would tell my mom not to pick me up so much, because that was 'enabling' me. Nobody bothered to really open their eyes when it came to my autism, because even though I flailed around like a dying fish trying to get along with my allistic peers, I 'could communicate just fine' and 'made eye contact' and was 'too intelligent' to possibly be autistic. Never mind my struggles academically, because I """""made straight As""""" often (I didn't learn how to read until 8 years old, have yet to learn how to count money, can now just barely count the time on an analog clock, and just barely survived when it came to things that weren't language related. I failed algebra 1 three times).

I didn't learn I was autistic until I was 16, and didn't get a professional diagnosis until 18. It hasn't even been a year. The professionals suspected autism at a much younger age (four years old, to be exact. 'rule out autism spectrum disorder' is in my records), but never bothered to do anything about it. I was thrown headfirst into life with no support, constantly being told it was MY fault, and all the while I had no idea what was going on with me. My mom's efforts to accommodate the child who was dealing with so much shit was labeled as 'enabling'. Now she, herself, considers certain accommodations to be enabling.

Can we please. Just remove 'enabling' from our vocabulary when it comes to accommodating autistic people. Can we please stop acting like giving physically disabled people disability aids such as wheelchairs and rollators is 'enabling'. Can we please actually acknowledge the causes for why that person is missing school so much instead of acting like they're just lazy and being 'enabled'. Please for the love of fucking God can people be normal about disabled people and those of us who are bullied.

[jadedaceofspades]

I think we should go back to calling people "weirdos" and "creeps" when they are genuinely acting like those things. "But what if they have autism or neurodivergent?! That would be ableist!!!" Shut the fuck up and stop enabling bad behavior. If someone is acting out of pocket, they deserve to be called out for it. Being neurodivergent or autistic or whatever does not mean you are exempt because you're not. You are a person and if you fuck up, own up to your shit. It's that easy. Because if someone is telling you straight up "I do not like how you are treating me, leave me alone" or "I do not want to x, y or z, so please don't ask me", that's all the context you need, bitch. People's safety and well-being is put above your hurt feelings.

[crossover-enthusiast]

Jack and Streber brother headcannons??? Perhaps???

Hehehe-

You know the drill, stuff under the cut

- The difference in age between them is probably about 7-10 years? Their parents weren't expecting another kid after Jack, but they adore Streber all the same - This technically isn't a brother headcanon but before I adopted it I headcanoned that Jack's last name is Flic, the French word for cop. I don't want to change it so that's Streber's last name now too lol - These two were inseparable when they were little, they did everything together! - They are both autistic (and undiagnosed) bc I said so - In their old hometown Jack and Streber were bullied for being the "weird kids". Jack protected Streber a lot and this caused the two to rely on each other even more - Their family moved to the spookytown when Jack was a teenager, and the town is so messed up nobody cared if they were a little weird sometimes so it was v good for them both - They are absolutely the reason boxes and plastic totes have the "don't put small children in this" warning - They are German and also bilingual! Jack has surprised many a person by suddenly speaking German - They are probably also the type of people to come up with a made up sibling language so when they were kids they just constantly swapped between English, German, and their own language and no one had any idea what they were saying - Streber shares Jack's fear of clowns lol, please save them - When Streber was in theater club in HS Jack tried to attend every show Strebs was an actor in, and in general Jack is just super supportive of him - When Streber came back to town after his failed stint as an actor Jack took him out for dinner to catch up. It was nice :> - They are such bad enablers to each other oh my god - If Jack has a day off when Streber's doing his haunted house, sometimes he'll come over and help out, usually as a scarer - Huge fans of dark humor. Sometimes use it to cope - Jack gets Brother Privilege discounts at Go Nuts For Donuts - A funny series of miscommunications led to Jack having no idea the candy kid was Streber's boyfriend, and Kevin having no idea one of the cops he insulted was Streber's brother -- Jack knew Streber was dating someone, and Kevin knew he had a brother, they just didn't know who. The eventual meetup was very awkward lol - If Kevin ever actually did patch things up with John and Jack, John and Kevin would take one look at Jack and Streber goofing around and go "yeah that explains a lot"

And because you're probably expecting it, angsty post-Tender Treats headcanons >:>

- Jack left his phone at home (he forgets to grab it sometimes), so he found out about Streber literally right as they were leaving the hospital after getting the amulet from Patty, still arguing about Jack's prank, because a nurse caring for Streber saw them - Whatever anger John had in the moment completely dissipates as he watches Jack's face just drop - He then had to go collect Jack as he just ran off for Streber without actually getting what room he was in from the nurse - They're only allowed to visit Streber for a little bit since he's in the ICU (and unconscious, so they couldn't talk anyways), but Jack hangs around outside his room for a good while before John finally manages to pull him away to go home - Jack is silent for the rest of the night and most of the next day just. Thinking. It's almost unnerving, how hollow he seems - So you know that bit in my John and Jack headcanons where after the fire John spirals because he couldn't stop thinking about what could have happened? That's kinda what Jack's going through here. He keeps replaying Evermore chewing them out, Patty "congratulating" them on letting eight people get killed, because they're right. If they had focused on Bob and dealt with him sooner, nine people would still be alive, Streber wouldn't be down an arm and on death's door, and it's all their fault, his fault his fault his fault- - This is one of those rare times where John comforts Jack and whoo boy he's still really bad at it, but he's trying. Compared to Jack's reassurance, John's methods are more to ground, keep him from getting stuck in his head over it, y'know? - One of the only brightsides of this whole thing is that Kevin and Jack actually managed to bond because of it, a little bit. They keep coming to see Streber at the same time bc of how their shifts line up, and even if he's asleep Kevin just sits next to Streber's bedside to be with him. Makes Jack realize just how much Kevin cares for his little brother, and maybe that he isn't such a bad guy after all - After Streber gets out of the hospital Jack is SO PROTECTIVE OF HIM. John honestly can't fault him for it since he was the same way with his kid after the fire (and still is lol) - If you so much as look at Streber wrong when both Jack and Kevin are in view you will feel a sudden inescapable wave of dread wash over you

- Streber doesn't blame Jack at all for what happened, he couldn't have known what Bob was going to do (and tbh hearing what Jack did to him made him feel a little better about the whole thing) - One of the first things Streber saw when he woke up was Jack looming over him and while it's funny in hindsight he screamed so loud - After that, though, there was a hug. A hug where two grown men fucking bawled - Streber passed out shortly after Bob walked off the porch, and the only things he could feel were pain, fear, and a tiny bit of hurt from Skid and Pump thinking he was just some prop -- seeing that he's still alive, with someone that actually cares, just makes him lose it. Jack meanwhile is a mix of relief and guilt, seeing Streber awake after days on end pops the cork on the bottle of emotions he'd been holding back - Streber really appreciated Jack and Kevin being there as often as they were. Being in a small hospital room all by himself just made him feel cramped and antsy - Streber both loves and hates how protective Jack's gotten of him, because on one hand it reminds him of when they were kids and it's nice to think of that during a time like this, but on the other he feels babied when Jack tries to help him with every little thing and he does not need that - Though on a lighter note to the above, it kinda is just like they're kids again -- the night Streber got out of the hospital they had a big horror movie marathon for the first time in ages, and it was fun! - Streber also kinda sorta takes advantage of the whole thing to make Jack and Kevin finally bury the hatchet and get along. He's tired of his boyfriend being scared of his brother >:{ - If that does happen, Streber eventually convinces them and John to go on a double date. Kevin is mildly stressed and John acts like he hates it, but by the end of the night they're all having a nice time - Jack chips in when he can to help Streber get a prosthetic. None of them have insurance lol

There you go :> 🍩🦇

Jack's part of the post-TT hcs was kinda just ranting about a fic idea I had, hah, hope you don't mind

[rasywmtra]

*cw for a sort of rant under the cut, I mean no offence to anyone by writing it but I just had to let it out and swearing*

(This is just a rant for myself, not on my main blog for obvious reasons)

white boy neurodivergent privilege. It exists and it pisses me tf off.

Because when they have a melt down, it's ok, they're just being boys and they don't know what they're doing and you have to understand that they have issues so they can do no wrong because their disorder made them do it. When they (due to being enabled their whole lives) throw a violent tantrum, it's not their fault. It's never their fault, they're just confused and they can't have possibly stoped it or anything, they're perfect little angels. When they need accommodations, it's provided. They're so cute with their silly stims and cute little entitlement and how they always get away with it because look at them they're a little blond boy who can do no wrong.

This isn't to say that all white boy neurodivergents have perfect lives, or that any of them do, but I think we can all see they are by far the most accepted packaging for spicy brains.

Now when anyone else has a meltdown? OH NO FUCK THE CRAZY PERSON NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP! "stop being dramatic" "Stop crying, you have no right" "Don't you dare make another sound" "you're making a scene" "You ruin everything with your crazy mood swings" "Stop faking it" "You're making me look bad" "Why can't you just be normal?"

Stimming? "Go sit in the corner and think about what you did" "You're disrupting the class" "Stop, it annoys me" "Why are you so weird" "Hands at your sides, this is important" "Why are you fidgeting? are you hiding something?" "I'm going to take it away from you until you can hold it normally"

Sensory issues? "It's not that bad" "wow so convenient that you can't come help us because of this, suck it up" "No one else has an issue with it" "The flickering isn't even noticeable" "What do you mean you can't hold it? Why is it so hard to do one thing for me?" "It's not like you can even hear it"

nonverbal? "Use your words" "Stop ignoring me you brat" "Speak to me! I didn't do anything wrong!" "Answer me right now or else" "did you lose your voice or something? It was working fine when you were yelling at me for [insert triggering thing they did]"

Need accommodations? too bad! You're gonna need about five billlion notes including one from your dead relative, figure it out!

"You're not disabled enough for this" "Well you aren't like really neurodivergent- you function properly" "My cousin is autistic and you're not like him at all! So clearly you're faking it!" "You can talk though" "Oh... that's not normal, my brother is hyperfixated on trucks and you aren't, so clearly you don't really have adhd" "You don't LOOK neurodivergent" "You're not exactly like [insert white boy name] and he's [insert disorder] so you have it easy!"

It happens time and time again!

I was shunned and called names and just fucking hated for just being myself and my brothers were put on a gold stage for using their neurodivergence as an excuse to be brats.

Me? banned from the office unless i was fucking dying

My brothers? "Oh come in dear, have a key to the back door so you can come in if you ever need anything!" "You don't like class? just stay here!" "You beat up a kid? I'll call them in to apologize to you"

And clearly this isn't the instance for every person but I have seen it far too often, not just with me but with literally every single time I come across neurodivergent people. There is a diferent between how we're treated and it sucks ass!

Anyway sorry if I offended anyone, but yeah, if I help even one person not feel like a bitch for agreeing with me i've done my job

[seekinghelp-adhd]

Ya know what the best part of this whole thing is? All of that evidence I just posted up there isn't even what convinced me. All of that stuff had me questioning, sure, but there was one final straw that broke the camels back for me. I've seen a lot of people recently suggesting that the sentimonsters (or at least those characters theorized to be sentimonsters) are the show's autism representation. While I can see where they're coming from, I respectfully disagree.

Keep in mind that I'm not autistic myself, so there are other people far more qualified to talk about this than I am, but I simply think that to simply say "sentimonster = autism representation" is both an insufficient and borderline insulting method of representation - shoving all of the autism representation into a small group of characters that aren't even fully human - and an oversimplification of what should be an important revelation for the characters involved.

This discourse did get me thinking about similarities between these characters though (Adrien, Felix, Kagami if Emotion is anything to go off of), and I came to my own conclusion that I think fits better with Felix's motives, Adrien and Kagami's relationships with their parents, and Gabriel's role as the primary antagonist. In my opinion, the sentimonsters are a far better representation of abuse.

Gabriel is a literal supervillain who is absent and controlling at best and an emotionally abusive manipulator at worst. Tomoe is similarly controlling over Kagami and seems to be just as emotionally manipulative, but even if you think I'm reading too far into things she still knows about Gabriel being Monarch and has played an active role in helping him. There's no way that household is healthy. While Amelie does seem to genuinely care about Felix and be an active and present part in his life, she coddles, protects, and enables him, treating him like a perfect, blameless child who could do no wrong - even going so far as to hide him from "those mean old superheroes" after he literally just committed identity theft, trespassing, multiple accounts of larceny, and willingly aided and abetted a domestic terrorist for his own personal gain essentially making him an accessory to his further crimes. Sure she's not starving him or treating him like trash, but she's not a good parent by any definition. There's an argument to be made that her mistakes are their own kind of neglect.

When it comes down to it, each of these characters have been mistreated and used against their will in their own ways. Why are they all very socially awkward to varying degrees? Because they were all raised in isolation, completely separated from anything even close to resembling a normal human relationship, platonic or otherwise. Why is Felix so hell bent on getting the peacock that he'd willingly give a terrorist an arsenal of magical weaponry? Because he knows what he is, he knows what his friends and family are, and he is willing to do anything to protect their lives and get them out of their abusive situation. Why can Adrien not stand up to his father to save his own life? Because, whether he is a sentimonster or not, that kind of repeated abuse going on for that long can make you feel trapped and helpless.

I believe Adrien is a sentimonster, yes, but I also believe that he's a child of neglect and abuse doing his best to cope with a bad situation. Gabriel is a domestic terrorist and magical supervillain, but he's also the neglectful father who let his grief drive him toward abusive behaviors. Just like Chat Noir will need his team to stop Monarch, Adrien is going to need a supportive family member trying his best in spite of his own issues and a group of friends who love and support him to break him out of this mindset and his current home situation. I think Monarch will probably end up dying because of Chat Noir's cataclysm after he brought it onto himself. In the same way, I hope it's Adrien that deals the final blow as Gabriel is left completely alone, realizing he was the one that pushed away the only family he had left.

Adrien being a sentimonster isn't a satisfying conclusion to his character. It is, in my opinion, the only satisfying conclusion for his character.

Alright. I've been convinced.

No spoilers for anything past Multiplication here because I haven't seen anything past Kwami's Choice part 1 and don't want to ruin it for anyone else. Tagged as spoilers just in case.

If you had asked me just, like, a month or two ago, I would have told you there was no way that Adrien was a sentimonster. I would have said that was an unsatisfying conclusion for his character. I would have said it was too dark for a show targeted toward younger audiences. I would have said the evidence for that theory was all either circumstantial or filtered through confirmation bias.

If you were to tell me right now, after I've seen Risk, Strikeback, Evolution, and Multiplication, that Adrien is NOT a sentimonster, I would say that you're in denial. I would remind you of how Gabriel flinched, looking almost scared, when Felix stood up to him while he wasn't wearing his ring, as if for the first time in his life he didn't have control. I would remind you that ever since Nathalie's been given that ring, Gabriel has stopped commanding Adrien and has instead started manipulating Adrien, as if for the first time in his life just giving him a direct order isn't going to work. I would remind you that in this show there are three separate high-class families with strong connections to each other and unrestricted access to the peacock miraculous with single parents raising their only children - children who are each socially awkward in their own ways and have similar struggles comprehending the people around them - because their significant other is simply not there. I would remind you that in a future that has since been erased, Adrien fought alongside his father and handed over his miraculous after trying so desperately to resist his father's commands that it seemed to be causing physical pain, only to slip into an exhausted, nearly emotionless version of himself who did whatever his father asked of him without question before he was ever akumatized into Ephemeral.

I could write that off as a high stress moment and some weird animation. I could write off Gabriel's constant twisting of his ring as just a nervous tick. I could write off Felix's strange obsession with two very plain silver rings and his willingness to trade literally every miraculous ever for just one of them as just a wacky villain plot. However, taking all of these things into account with the changes in Gabriel we've seen this season after he stopped wearing the ring, I can no longer entertain the thought that Adrien is just a normal boy like everyone else. This kid is a sentimonster 100%.

[dolugecat]

On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

[dykeyote]

if i had a nickel for every time i asked you for headcanons about an autistic penumbra podcast character i’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice (ie: please talk about cecil being autistic thanks)

YES YES YES . THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME REENTERING MY CECIL KANAGAWA ERA U WILL DEFINITELY NOT REGRET THIS (lies)

okay so right . before i get into my Personal hcs i feel like i should explain why he is literally so fucking autistic to the point that despite being a oneoff chara he to this day is one of my strongest supported autistic hcs . because i could go into like Depth and pick apart a bunch of tiny little details but literally if i just in very broad strokes describe him as "a guy with an extremely narrow interest that he zeroes in on and impulsively buys tons of things out of excitement for it and who is infantilized by his mother despite being a grown adult and whose 'best friend' in fact seems to deeply resent him a fact he is entirely clueless of because of his inability to read the very obvious social cues" and ull be MORE than convinced so why would i bother

speaking of which he has a special interest on ancient torture devices which is like two steps away from canon anyway <3 his show is one massive excuse to infodump on the subject . pov youre about to get your head chopped off and you just want to get it over with but unfortunately your would-be murderer is giddily explaining the history of the guillotine

i think hes like . he has this weird masking thing that he cant stop doing where he basically CONSTANTLY even when hes not on camera acts like hes acting like hes constantly flourishing and performing for a camera and an audience and shit . its part of why people tend to find him kind of obnoxious because hes CONSTANTLY doing his stage persona bc thats just how he masks and gets thru social interaction while still seeming charismatic and he doesnt really know how to switch it off totally

VERY VERY VERY stimmy he cant hold still hes CONSTANTLY moving especially when hes talking . usually this shows as him just pacing back and forth and flourishing in the air while he talks but when ehs VERY excited he flaps his hands a lot and claps his hands and giggles . he kicks his legs when hes sitting down a lot hes basically always swinging his legs bc he cant hold still but when he gets hyped up its VERY AGGRESSIVE . which is bad bc hes always wearing very thick boots

he like . he masks a lot to hide Social Awkwardness which hes pretty good at but hes very very bad at masking his emotions if hes uspet hes UPSET . especially with sensory issues if you ruffle his hair when hes not expecting it he gets VERY FLAILY and makes a lot of dismayed noises he cant really regulate his reactions to stuff at all . im crazy about cecil and junos weird half-friendship so i think he Knows cecils ways of reacting to stuff and like just out of habit he immediately course corrects whenever cecil makes one of his little agh argh rhghrhg noises that means hes overwhelmed and trying Very Badly to mask it . dont let anyone kno tho they cant know juno (ugh) Doesnt Want Cecil To Be Upset or whatever

he likes lots of pressur!!!!!! im weak for the idea of the cameramen just being silly little dogs when theyre not doing their work and shit so he likes just lying down and letting one of these MASSIVE fucking genetically engineered monster creatures just fwop on him so he has pressure . tbh

ok im going on forever i can talk about how autismcore he is for hours . but last hc i swear i swear . hes very much a sensory seeking autistic he cant handle Surprise sensations but he LOVES sensory input when hes the person thats Causing It To Occur. he always has SUPER BRGIH SPOTLIGHTS on even when ehs not filming because he likes the bright light he likes clothes that he can swish around for the sound and feel and look of it hes VERY VERY VERY physically clingy for the stim of physical affection juno steel cannot enter the kanagawa household without cecil hanging off his arm

hes my skrunkly skringlo my blorbo boytoy etc etc etc

[metapianycist]

like with being autistic, i want to use identity first language for myself in relation to ADHD because it is inseparable from my experience of the world. stimulant meds are helpful in my life because they help me do what i want to do (like remember to eat!), not because they make me closer to being neurotypical. my goal of thriving wrt ADHD has nothing to do with how close to neurotypical i can get.

i had my first encounter with an online ADHD group whose rules forbid using the word "neurodivergent" bc "it's from the neurodiversity movement." they oppose the neurodiversity movement and the social model, and they believe both things mean forcing people to deny any struggles they have and just stagnate instead of using any coping strategies (e.g. using medication, learning skills or accessing accommodations to increase quality of life).

that's not unlike the distorted idea some prescriptivist trans ppl have about trans people who don't consider being trans to be an objectively negative experience but a neutral or positive identity descriptor. I've had such prescriptivists act like my distress about my chest—that made me dissociate and pretend it wasn't there for nearly a decade—was "not really that bad" because i had experiences in adulthood that enabled me to separate my chest from the misgendering and fetishization that prevented me from developing a positive relationship to my body.

i like my chest as-is and i derive comfort from wearing a binder when out of the house. to me, wearing a binder is wearing armor and fighting against the idea that liking my chest means i have a responsibility to allow people other than those i trust to see its unbound shape in my clothes. i like my body; i just prefer to keep more of my body private than most people, from my neck down to just below my knees, and from my shoulders to where T-shirt sleeves end.

and those prescriptivists, because I understand hormones and surgery and binding as me exerting my bodily autonomy and connecting with my body and not as me fixing a broken thing, try to tell me that I'll regret any medical change and develop dysphoria about my deep voice, my new lack of uterus, and every other change that grants me a deeper and more joyful relationship to my body.

likewise, my concerta makes me feel like I'm more able to use my ADHD traits to my advantage. i’m the driver of the bus that can't stop or it will explode, instead of a passenger that can only watch.

wrt transness and my disabilities, even when they give me pain or i decide it's a good idea make a change, it doesn't mean that i needed to be fixed or cured. a blank pillar of marble isn't broken until a sculptor comes to fix it; the sculptor shapes it into what it wants to become.

[the-timeless-children]

Sia's debut movie “Music” is severely ableist and contributes to harmful stereotypes of autistic people. The Golden Globes must rescind its two nominations for “Best Musical/Comedy Picture” and “Best Musical/Comedy Actress: Kate Hudson”, and the entertainment industry must promise to actively work towards inclusion and better disability representation.

Sia has claimed the movie is a “love letter to the autism community”, however, the music segments are filled with strobing lights, colors, loud sounds, and quick camera movements, which is very overstimulating. About 1 in 4 autistic people have epilepsy, so the movie can cause seizures and is also very uncomfortable for those without it. Despite making the movie “for” autistic people, Sia has made it in such a way that a majority of us will be unable to watch it.

Secondly, actual autistic people were ignored in the casting process when Sia cast neurotypical Maddie Ziegler to play the autistic character, “Music” because she "can't do a project without” her. That is not a valid reason to create a movie about autistic people without including autistic people in it. How does one act autistic, you may ask. If we look at Ziegler's portrayal, the answer is by stereotypically mimicking autistic people the exact same way autistic people have been bullied and mocked their entire lives. It also enforces the idea that autistic people are not good enough and that their autism is better portrayed by someone with no concept of what it is to be autistic. To make things even worse, Ziegler learned how to “act autistic” by watching videos of autistic children having meltdowns uploaded to YouTube by their parents without their consent. Autistic Sophie Buck asks in her article on Dazed, "why autistic people [are] shamed for being themselves, but a neurotypical actor gets rewarded for inaccurately and reductively assuming an autistic identity?".

“Music” is also used as a prop to advance the other characters' stories and lives. Not once are her feelings and thoughts expressed or even sought out. What about the trauma from watching her grandmother passing? What does she think of suddenly having her estranged sister take care of her? Does she want Ebo to move in, the grown man who restrains her? As non-speaking Niko Boskovic says in his essay: “I think there are two points which stuck out to me. First, that there is a caricature of autistics which relies on depicting us as headphone-wearing, gaping innocents who are symbols of purity there to remind us of selfless sacrifice.” And “Second, the assumption that we have no dreams or hopes for the future of our own, and that the life experiences of everyone around us, i.e. those without disabilities, are central and more important than our own dream for the future.” In the movie, "Music" is gifted an AAC device to help her communicate, but it only seems to be able to say “I’m happy” or “I’m sad”. AACs usually have thousands of unique words programmed. It highly underestimates the intellectual capabilities of autistic people. Non-speaking does not mean incapable.

Positional Asphyxia. That is how 13-years-old autistic Max Benson died in 2018 when he was physically restrained by staff at Guiding Hands School. Max was held in a prone restraint for an extended period of time and was forced to urinate and vomit on himself before becoming unresponsive. It is far from the only case of positional asphyxiation in autistic people being restrained during a meltdown. Sia’s decision to include this inhumane treatment is a testament to her ignorance and complete disregard for the safety and needs of autistic people. Despite claiming her movie to be a “love letter to caregivers and to the autism community”, she is actually telling the autistic community that she doesn’t care about them. The fact that “Music” has been nominated for two Golden Globes awards illustrates the complete disregard the entire entertainment industry has for inclusivity and minority representation. It will only use autism as inspiration porn to make neurotypicals feel good about their supposed “superiority”.

Sia’s handling of the comments by disability activists so far has been insensitive, irresponsible, and invalidating. When faced with justified critique, Sia decided to personally attack members of the community e.g. when she replied: “maybe you’re just a bad actor” to one autistic individual who expressed their ability and willingness to act in her movie. Furthermore, Sia claims to have researched autism for years, but the fact that she collaborated with Autism Speaks, easily identified as a eugenics-promoting hate group, is a testament to the severity of her lies. She refused to apologize and only did so after receiving the nominations out of fear of a boycott, which is exactly what we urge all of you to do. She did announce that she is removing the restraint scenes, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was nominated before Sia made this decision. The damage has already been done. Update: the restraint scenes have NOT been removed and there are no warnings in the movie.

In light of this damning evidence, we call on the Golden Globes to rescind its nomination in both categories. We also call upon the entertainment industry to create a more inclusive workspace that will allow autistic people to become part of the industry. We are already seeing more inclusion of minorities, but disability inclusion is non-existent, which is deeply immoral and concerning. When representing autistic people, listen to actual autistic people, not just social workers, parents and organisations. We are the only ones who knows what is best for us and what it is like to be us. We also call upon other members of the industry–such as actors, producers, writers, and musicians–to call out the movie and its enablers, and to show support to the autistic community and its wishes. We call on HanWay Films and Vertical Entertainment to immediately stop the distribution of “Music”, and on any streaming platforms planning to show it. We call on the actors to apologize and distance themselves from the movie. Your silence is louder than you think. Lastly, we call on YOU to sign this petition, to share it, to demand justice, to be an ally of autistic people, and to listen to the autistic community. Let’s make history together!

[butterflyinthewell]

To trans folks who are trying to set trolls straight about Chris-Chan’s gender: Your hearts are in the right place, but the trolls do not care. They will keep misgendering Chris to piss you off and screenshot your reaction.

Yes, I’m talking about THE Chris-Chan. CWC, creator of Sonichu.

(TW: this post will mention rape and incest.)

I know, I know… “But if we let people misgender Chris, what’s stopping them from doing it to other trans people?”

Nothing.

There’s nothing you can do, unfortunately. The thing with trolls is they aren’t here to learn, they’re here to frustrate, annoy and anger you. They throw out all kinds of little hooks by saying offensive things, or things that trick you, and it’s all a game to them when somebody bites the bait.

It wouldn’t surprise me if trolls are saying horrible things about autism, too. That’s more my lane and partly why I don’t dig too deep in the tags about this situation. Again, I stress not engaging with that to correct trolls. They don’t care, they want to offend you.

As frustrating as it is, take note of the people who use Chris’ current pronouns and recognize that there are people who make an effort to get them right. I’m sure the trans people reading what you say will see that and know you care to gender them correctly.

It’s possible Chris transitioned believing she can get with lesbians. It’s entirely possible she’s exactly the stereotype that TERFs rant about and her shitty behavior might be used in the future to argue their views. TERFs will be TERFs. Some of Chris’ trolls may be trans themselves.

As it stands, Chris presents as a woman, so I’ll use she/her pronouns unless she decides to present as non-binary or a man again. You’re welcome to do the same when talking about her. Don’t waste your time trying to correct trolls, just use Chris’ current pronouns and leave it at that.

It sucks, but that’s how trolls troll.

Moving on…

I wonder if Chris would’ve been a weird, harmless nobody if Mimms never took her photo in The Game Place.

This all started because her photo was taken without her knowledge or consent and posted on a forum, which ended up spreading to the wider web and…yeah.

Would she have been an internet sensation? Would she have transitioned? Would she be a known name on the web?

Maybe everything would’ve gone down the same, but without an audience to bear witness.

Regardless, Chris is a trainwreck of a person. I don’t say that lightly. She didn’t deserve the trolling and abuse she got, yet she isn’t innocent in this either.

I felt sorry for her at first because I’m autistic too and was bullied severely in high school, some of it included physical assault and attempted murder. I reacted to the constant name calling and mockery irl a lot like Chris reacted to her online trolls. I’m thankful that my most volatile years happened before I had internet access. I’m two years older than Chris. I had my own drama with trolls that lasted a few years, but I grew up a bit more.

But I digress…

Chris didn’t get the internet safety talk that I got before getting let loose online, and people took advantage of her gullibility, her autism, whatever mental illnesses she might have and her obsession with getting laid. She ignored warnings to the contrary and in some instances her mom enabled her while her dad tried (and failed) to reign her in.

At the same time, Chris has a history of being racist, ableist, homophobic and misogynistic. She ignores people’s boundaries even when they were clearly stated. She’s entitled and thinks everything bad is a conspiracy against her. She acts like the world operates on cartoon rules and can’t handle it when situations don’t turn out in her favor like she believes they should. It’s a strange view of “Anything I do is good because I did it, and anybody who tells me it’s bad or treats me badly is evil or a troll.”

How she comes across to others and how she thinks she comes across are incongruent with each other, and she refuses to take any correction. An example is the claw hand she used to do while railing at trolls. It’s clear she’s imitating stuff she saw in cartoons, but doesn’t grasp that it looks silly in real life. It leaves me wondering if she ever watched her videos back to see how she really looks before uploading them.

Chris did a lot of disgusting things of her own volition, like not leaving people alone, uploading that sexual drawing featuring Megan, using pepper spray without provocation and trying to hit someone with her car.

Trolls tricked her into humiliating herself and shared the results, like hacking into her email, sharing chats where she gave out embarrassing details about herself, prank calling her house and posting the infamous blowup doll video.

If you know “Christory”, you know what I’m talking about.

If you don’t know, it’s something that’s gone on longer than some people have been alive.

No side is innocent here. I don’t blame Chris for attracting trolls, they chose to go and harass her because she jumped when they poked her.

I’ve followed Chris’ story off and on since 2008, back when she was making her Sonichu comics and being awkward. I never participated in trolling her. I’ve only ever seen the aftermath of troll operations, but the things she endured were cruel. (The Miyamoto saga and the BlueSpike saga come to mind.) I looked her up to see if she was alive and okay. I sent her my AFBV message a couple years ago, but never got a response.

I wonder if this could’ve been avoided if Chris never got trolled and was supervised better while online. That’s where her parents failed her. I felt bad for her; she didn’t know how to conduct herself and kept falling for trolling schemes because she was so desperate to get a girlfriend. It’s like she ignored that little gut warning that says “hey, this feels like a trick” and it was like watching someone fall down the same hillside over and over.

But after what she did to her mom, I lost any sympathy I had for her. Yes, trolls have traumatized her and messed with her head for over a decade and that’s gross, but what she did to her mom was unconscionable. It’s indefensible. It’s morally abhorrent.

She had sex with (or possibly raped via coercion) her elderly mom, who may have dementia.

Chris’ autism was taken advantage of for years, and now she might’ve taken advantage of her mom’s dementia to harm her for the past month.

Think about that. There is no defending that. She finally did something she can’t just wave away or pay her way out of.

Trolls didn’t put Chris up to that, she did it all by herself.

Now she’s under arrest.

Time and again Chris has had run-ins with the law and got away with slaps on the wrist, but I don’t think she’s going to walk away from this so easily.

I hope this situation finally gets Chris the help she desperately needs. I don’t know if her dimensional merge stuff is a delusion from undiagnosed and untreated mental illness or if it’s a paracosm she’s chosen to live in and act out because she can’t handle how cruel the real world is. Please note that I don’t say mental illness lightly either, because I’m aware of the stigma.

At this point I think she needs a caregiver who will supervise her online activities and help her manage her finances. (She will likely resist this…)

Chris’ autism and whatever else she has going on appears to make it very difficult for her to see things from any perspective besides her own. I’m autistic too, so I understand this— sometimes I get this way and have to walk myself back to see other perspectives, or I ask people to give me their side of it to help me understand how they see it even if I don’t agree with their view.

Chris needed more guidance and reality checks growing up, but didn’t get them, and now she needs both more than ever as she faces the results of her behavior. If she is delusional, she needs help to navigate it and I hope she can do that away from trolls. She needs to face consequences for (possibly) raping someone.

I wonder what the legal system will do with her, and I hate that her life has come to this. It was so avoidable. 😞

Sorry, Chris…I hope you’ll get help now, and I hope Barb is okay.

[dysperdis]

If you only believe survivors if you don't have a personal attachment to the person who hurt them, you don't actually believe survivors.

I can't stop thinking about the former irl "friend" who basically accused me of being "too emotional" & "not looking at things from [my abusers'] perspectives," because "they didn't mean to be abusive."

...This is the same lady I once saw yelling at people for enjoying Michael Jackson music after his death because it "disrespected survivors."

This "friend" argued that she didn't see how the person who I needed to cut contact with completely because of their constant violations of my boundaries could have possibly continued to participate in abusive behavior. I tried connecting the dots between "my autistic ass literally cannot function without some ability to set a daily schedule" & "this person participated in denying me the ability to set a schedule on most days for 2 years, even after I went NC, which severely impacted my ability to function on a day to day basis* during that time," but that was apparently just too damn complicated for the lady doing her masters in philosophy to follow?

She also had trouble with the logic behind my claims that "helping someone hook up with another person behind their partner's back is enabling cheating," and "a person can't claim ignorance as an excuse if they spent the last 2 years actively shutting down all attempts to inform them of the issue." 🙄

Oh, but apparently me saying "ppl keep telling me that they saw stuff that worried them but wrote it off because one of my abusers is also autistic, which is the exact same thing that happened when an autistic adult groomed me as a teen, so now I need allistic ppl to actually tell me what they got bad vibes about & let ME figure out whether it's relevant as an Autistic person instead of just writing it off" is actually super ableist!

(*more specifically: I spent 2 days out of every 3 completely unsure of when everyone would be home, when I could work in the common areas, how many people I could expect to actually be around for dinner, etc.; even if I asked, which I rarely did by the end b/c it always got treated like an invitation to cross my boundaries, my ex's ETAs were often "give or take a few hours." THEN she'd use my inability to function well in those circumstances against me in various ways- either I was lazy, incompetent, or in one notable instance, "less of a man" b/c of the impacts of my disabilities.)

(edit to add: please be aware that the full story includes sexual abuse & attempted suicide; if you're looking for more details on this blog you might see some extremely upsetting posts about the subject with insufficient/no TWs due to my mental state at the time.)

[pokemonruby]

Aerith or cloud maybe 👀

i’ll do both!! 

aerith:

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexual queen  Gender Headcanon: hmmmmm i like trans woman aerith... a lot..... A ship I have with said character: *bangs fists on table* CLERITH! CLERITH! CLERITH  A BROTP I have with said character: basically the rest of the party, but i especially like the concept of her being a big sister figure to yuffie c:  A NOTP I have with said character: uhhh i guess aerith/sephiroth because that is a thing that exists apparently.  A random headcanon: one of my favorite headcanons/theories is that aerith, in the ff7 remake, remembers the events of the original game (in the sense that the remake takes place in the future/alternative timeline), thus knows about her ultimate fate which could either help to prevent it or, considering that it was her power that enabled them to stop meteor in the end, embrace it. which is also why she tells cloud not to fall in love with her.... *cries* General Opinion over said character: i love aerith so much!!! she impacted me so much as a character throughout my playthroughs of both the remake and the original, and though i knew about what happens to her (pretty sure everyone does at this point) it nevertheless hurt me tremendously. she is an incredible, unforgettable character, and i adore her with all of my heart.  

cloud:

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexy  Gender Headcanon: trans man cloud! trans man cloud! trans man cloud!  A ship I have with said character: as shown above, i really, really like clerith (but zakkura is pretty epic too.) A BROTP I have with said character: again, with the entire party because they’re just the found family troupe ok! but especially vincent and yuffie since they’re who made up my party so i consider these three to be especially close :) 

A NOTP I have with said character: ehhhhh i guess cloud/tifa? it isn’t a bad ship by any means, i just like seeing them as bffs more. i will admit that they are both very important figures in each other’s lives, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be romantic, right? plus i just think he has more chemistry with aerith.  A random headcanon: this headcanon is very personal but i also think it’s a widely accepted one but cloud is autistic! it’s more pronounced in the remake, but from his mannerisms to his difficulty in expressing his emotions to the way he interacts with the other characters and just the way he speaks... now i doubt this is what they were intending while creating him (cloud definitely suffers from ptsd and depression, which the developers themselves have basically pointed out) but still, the signs are there and as an autistic person it made the game all the more special to me.  General Opinion over said character: cloud deserved so, so much better. i wasn’t expecting to get as attached to him as i did, but god, by the 2nd disc i was absolutely invested in his character, to the point i nearly shed tears when they unveiled the truth about his past and the repercussions it had on him. i’ve never come across a video game protagonist with as much depth as cloud; he truly feels like a real person and it pains me when people just remember him as some brooding edgelord when there is so much more to his character. as a mentally ill person, i can empathize with cloud and everything he has gone through, which is something i think all writers should strive for when developing a good protagonist. make them complex, multifaceted, and realistic-- cloud achieved all of these, and now stands as one of my most favorite characters of all time. 

[mentalillnessmouse]

Hello. I am an autistic teenager, and with the George Floyd murder and protests going on, my brain is telling me I should be enraged, but I experience low empathy. Not to say I don’t care, I’ve signed all the petitions, shared and did my best to support with limited resources, but my body/mind won’t convey any emotions. Does this make me a bad person, a racist? I’ve never had any prejudice against POC, but I’m worried.

racism cw

hey anon,

all of us have to actively unlearn prejudices during our life span. even if you think you’ve never acted in a prejudiced manner toward a person of color, you were still born into a society, into a world that enables those. even people of color are not free of prejudices and must work to unlearn them. this is why antiblackness is worldwide and not just an ‘american thing’. it’s a ‘european thing’, it’s an ‘asian thing’ as well. since you bought up the george floyd murder and the protests that are still happening (even if your personal timeline, news feed have gone back to ‘normal’), i’ll mostly speak on the black experience since i am a black nonbinary person. as a disclaimer i am only one black person out of so many engaged in this fight.

you don’t have to do more than you are able to do. if you’ve signed the petitions, if you’ve shared and done your best to support that is good enough. if you want to go beyond good enough you can start by educating yourself on why people are enraged and why people are tired of fighting for black rights year after year. you can start by looking at reading lists by black organizers and picking a book or two to read over time to help you understand more of what’s going on. while sharing petitions are fine and so on, it’s also important to educate yourself and once you’re at a place when you feel comfortable doing so, help educate others.

unlearning racism doesn’t stop with signing petitions-- it is an active, life long journey to fight back against the society that enforces and ensures it lives on.

don’t let my words make you lose hope though, anon! you’re already at a good starting point. keep moving forward.

hope this helps,

maya

[cassolotl]

Autistic Christmas

Or, My Complex Feelings About Christmas as a Non-Christian Anticapitalist in Overlapping Atypical Neurotypes.

~

Wednesday 25th December 2019

~

Various things interact in my brain at Christmas.

I’m extremely not Christian. I was raised in a Christian society, had to sing hymns in assemblies in school, had Easter services in a church with my classmates, was given a Bible at a particular academic milestone... and always felt very uncomfortable with all of that Christian stuff. I wasn’t asked if I wanted to join in or if I believed, it was just assumed that I would come around to it. The idea that it might be unethical to raise children in a religion, or just that the child might not benefit from it, never crossed anyone’s mind. The various teachings were sometimes nice but mostly felt to me like inconsistent and untrue stories and attempts to manipulate me, though clearly it was unintentional. I bet Jesus was awesome and I’d probably have liked him if I met him at a bus stop, but I don’t want this whole... religion thing about him.

Anti-capitalist. My first memory of buying clothes as a small child and being given a choice about what was bought for me, I remember rejecting all the choices available and asking for something without brand names or logos on it! I’m just anti-capitalist to my core, I think. And I would estimate that I attribute about 90% of the feeling of Christmas being imposed on me to capitalism, which has a selfish interest in sustaining a social structure of Christmas as a time for consumption, and then embedding that structure in as many people as possible until it feels like a tradition that emotionally sustains itself. So in addition to Christmas not really happening to me internally, I have to deal with Christmas happening to me a lot externally, whether I like it or not, and I usually do not.

My brain is bad with music. I like a lot of music, but I’ve learned slowly over time that if I listen to it I’m just giving my brain things to loop. I am very prone to earworms and find them very uncomfortable. I worked in WH Smith over Christmas one time and could happily never listen to another Christmas song ever again in my life. Sometimes Christmas music comes on and I start to feel inexplicably trapped with a sensation of dread. I recognise that it’s mostly good, pleasant, catchy, upbeat music with good message! I just can’t deal with it on a visceral level sometimes.

My situation growing up was not ideal. Christmas day meant my mum’s partner was home all day and probably drinking. I would have to buy him presents, even. We were told that Christmas is a time for giving to and spending time with people you love, so I didn’t understand why I had to do that with him.

I struggle a lot with things. Folks following me for a long time know that I go through phases of minimalism and decluttering, and because of environmental whatnot I can’t just throw out a perfectly good thing so I frequently sell stuff I don’t want. Christmas presents, especially from my family (we’re not that close), tend to be things I neither need nor want, but I feel guilty about getting rid of them immediately. It doesn’t matter how much I ask for zero presents and fail to buy presents back! I get gifts and I just don’t know what to do with them. Unless I trust that someone knows how to give me gifts, and to be fair that’s quite a lot of people, I generally find it stressful opening gifts in front of people.

I struggle with waste. I love that people bring living green trees into their homes during a time when the earth is sleeping, but then those trees die. I like that people have found artificial alternatives, but they’re plastic and planned to be obsolete and they are frequently thrown away. Christmas decorations are flimsy and disposable and bad for the environment to manufacture and discard. Many (not all) people buy gifts because they feel like they ought to, and then folks are stuck with stuff that they won’t use or want to keep. I’ll bet a lot of people end up throwing out food because they made too much. If all of these things make people feel happy and good then I’m definitely never going to argue that they’re bad or try to stop people from doing them, but I just... wish that these things could be more sustainable for the same amount of effort and cost.

I don’t deal well with time, and the social consequences of that are painful. I’m learning that this is probably an ADHD thing. In particular, the experience of events that fall on specific dates and times. That includes dentist appointments, anniversaries, weddings... and birthdays, and Christmas. The latter two are particularly difficult for me, because I know that a lot of other people don’t just like them and find them important, they specifically want to involve the people they love, and it comes with a sense of obligatory participation. If I forget someone’s birthday it is often hurtful to them, and the more we love each other the more it will hurt them. If someone can support me to participate then it’s easier, but it is still very difficult.

I am disabled and poor. I have enough money to get by with the occasional high luxury purchase (e.g. use savings to buy new laptop because old one is broken), but buying gifts for people is hella expensive and making gifts for people requires less fatigue and more executive function than I have.

What this means is, when people ask me how I feel about Christmas or what I’m doing at Christmas I generally feel quite uncomfortable. I just tell people that I like to spend Christmas on my own and I won’t be with my family and I like having the day to myself, but if it feels comfortable I will go into more detail and say some of the above, and then I feel like I am being a big grouch who hates Christmas, and I don’t hate Christmas, I just hate that it’s compulsory and I feel uncomfortable when my going against the grain is so visible and can be interpreted to mean that I am a grumpy bastard.

Having said that, there are things that I like about Christmas.

Apocalypse vibe. There are no cars on the road, there are no shops open, everyone is in a warm cosy house with their loved ones opening presents... You can go for a little walk and meet hardly anyone and just walk right down the middle of a road for several minutes without being hit by a car! It’s the only day of the year when I feel peaceful when the sun is up.

No one is going to ask me to do anything. No emails from social workers, no bills, no reminders to make appointments, no PAs coming to help me do life things, no letters to send... and it’s understood that everyone has plans and everyone has a right to do whatever they want because it’s a special day, like everyone having a state-mandated birthday on the same day. Although, if someone needed their cat feeding over Christmas I would totally do it! I like the idea of enabling someone else to have a nicer special time.

Sharing light. It’s the dark time of year, and I like that a lot of faiths have a tradition of bringing light. That makes sense to me. On the solstice I often light a candle in the window at sundown and leave it lit until I go to bed, and that feels good. I usually do it on Christmas eve and Christmas day too, and any other days I’m in the mood.

Feasting. Winter is generally a less productive time of year in terms of food production, so a lot of faiths also include some tasty food, and that makes sense to me too!

So, since Christmas here in the UK is compulsory, my reclaiming of it for myself looks something like this, in approximately this order...

A minimal morning routine. Only the essentials and things that make me feel comfortable.

A little bit of tidying and admin. I always feel better when I do that, but I rarely remember, unless I’m having a day that’s 100% alone and about me. Getting some admin and clutter out of the way feels like an investment and a gift to my future self.

Opening presents. I have a little rainbow tinsel tree, and I put any presents I get around it, and sometime usually a bit before lunch I get a feeling that is a bit like, “oh, yes, I’m ready for presents now.”

Feast. I often manage to prep ingredients the day before, and it usually involves these essential components that I mostly ignore the rest of the year: nut roast, roast potatoes, roast Brussels sprouts, vegetarian pigs in blankets, peas, gravy.

Plants. I guess this is my equivalent to the tree phenomenon. I tend to all my houseplants and outdoor plants, repot anything that needs it, prune anything that needs it. Winter is less green, so I might also get the urge to invest some energy in adding to the overall future green in the world by sowing something. This autumn I successfully rooted and potted up some willow stems, so I feel quite satisfied with my planty achievements.

A candle in the evening at sundown. It’s important to share light in dark times. This often goes with a cosy winding down routine.

Some kind of gentle movie/TV. For a while the Doctor Who Christmas special was perfect, and now I don’t have a TV licence and Doctor Who doesn’t do Christmas specials any more, so maybe something like that but on Netflix?

A lot of my difficulties with Christmas come down to being autistic, with a smattering of ADHD and a troublesome upbringing. If I were with others I would feel drawn to help out with food, open gifts in front of people... and I’d either have to do those things, or explain why I’m not doing those things. Whichever I choose is differently exhausting.

I think in the right (for want of a better word) environment I could probably become a person who would rather be surrounded by loving family than be alone, and I'm open to it, but there are some complex and somewhat painful feelings tangled up in Christmas for me so it's going to take time.

To me, spending Christmas day alone feels very indulgent and luxurious. I can ignore everyone else in the world and initiate only if I completely want to, without judgement.

The Maori word for autism is 'takiwatanga', which translates as '[their] own time and space', and Christmas day is the one day of the year that I can fully and joyfully embody that.