#still not the Joy expert but im working on it

[rayyawoo013]

Hi, there. This is a request someone left me. It was: "Could you draw Anxiety crying and Joy comfort her" I believe. But I deleted it by accident trying to see if I could save it as a draft :(

I don't remember their user, but I hope they find it. It made me really happy (sorry it's unpolished).

Also, thank you to the people that followed and the several others that supported that one Anxiety page! blew me away, truly.

Don't have much to offer right now, but here's this WIP for an Anxiety drawing I'm working on,

I promise it's looking better than *that*

[rafeskai]

Life as We Know It — Rafe Cameron

Chapter Three

Two opposites must navigate love, loss, and unexpected parenthood to discover the meaning of family.

Summary: When tragedy strikes, two very different individuals find their lives unexpectedly intertwined as they become the guardians of an orphaned child. As they navigate the challenges of co-parenting, balancing careers, and confronting their pasts, they discover that family can form in the most surprising ways. Through heartfelt moments and unexpected humor, they explore what it means to build a life together—one step at a time.

Pairings: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Character deaths & angst.

Author's Notes: Shit really just went down in this chapter. IM SORRY

Masterlist: Here

The months that followed were a blur of late nights, baby cries, and countless moments of learning how to be something neither of you had ever planned to be—parents. The house was constantly filled with the soft murmur of Willa’s coos, the sound of bottles being washed, and the endless shuffle of trying to make everything fit together.

It wasn’t easy. There were days when you thought you couldn’t keep your eyes open, and nights when you questioned if you were doing anything right at all. But there were moments, too—small victories, fleeting glimpses of joy—that kept you both going.

Moving in with Rafe had been the right decision, you told yourself. The practical side of it made sense, especially as the weeks went on. Rafe was still Rafe: intense, unpredictable, and sometimes impossible to read. But he was trying, and that was something.

Willa had come to see both of you as a constant in her life. She was thriving—growing fast, her chubby cheeks rounding out and her eyes lighting up when either of you walked into the room. You’d become an expert in diaper changes and feeding schedules, and though you hated to admit it, Rafe was actually pretty good with her. He had his moments where he was awkward, unsure, but when it came down to it, he was there. He would hold her when she cried, rock her when she wouldn’t sleep, and talk to her in that soft, almost tender voice you rarely heard from him anywhere else.

You had both fallen into a routine, the rhythm of everyday life settling in like a steady heartbeat. Willa would wake up around 6:30 AM, and by the time Rafe would stumble downstairs with a groggy groan, you’d already had coffee brewing and Willa settled on her blanket. The mornings were quiet—comfortable silence, filled with routine, until Willa started to fuss and everything shifted into motion.

You’d learned how to work together without much communication, both of you picking up on cues. One of you would get the bottle ready while the other soothed Willa, and when she finished, it was time for a nap.

And as much as you hated to admit it, you’d grown used to Rafe’s presence—his heavy footsteps down the hallway, the sound of his voice trying (and sometimes failing) to sing Willa back to sleep at 3 AM.

But there were challenges too. It wasn’t all sweet moments and baby giggles. There were the days where everything felt like it was too much, when you felt overwhelmed by the endless demands of raising a baby, of balancing the practicalities of your life with the unexpected responsibilities of parenting.

There were the mornings when you woke up feeling like you hadn’t slept at all, when you were late for your shifts at the café, and you’d have to rush around to get everything in place. Rafe would always be there, trying to help, but still learning the ropes himself.

The first time you caught him on the phone with his aunt, asking how to properly wash a baby bottle, you had to stifle a laugh. It was the first time you realized that Rafe Cameron—wild, unpredictable Rafe—was just as clueless as you about this whole parenting thing. He might have grown up in a house full of servants, of wealth and privilege, but when it came to taking care of a tiny human, he was as green as they come.

But you didn’t hold it against him. You couldn’t.

The kitchen was where a lot of your moments happened—early mornings when you’d both stand side by side, quietly making coffee, or late nights when you’d settle Willa back into bed, whispering soft words of reassurance to each other. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t easy. But it was yours.

One night, as you both took a rare moment to sit on the couch after putting Willa to bed, you glanced at Rafe from the corner of your eye, noticing how he rubbed the back of his neck, a tired but satisfied look on his face. You couldn’t help but let a small smile tug at your lips.

"She’s growing so fast," you said softly, breaking the comfortable silence. "I swear she was just a tiny little thing a few weeks ago."

Rafe hummed in agreement, glancing over at you with a small, almost wistful smile. "Yeah. And it feels like every time we get used to something, she changes again."

You nodded, leaning back against the couch. "It’s like we’re constantly playing catch-up."

"Yeah," he said, the word carrying more weight than usual. He ran a hand through his hair. "You ever think about what this is all gonna look like when she gets older? I mean, God, we’re just making it up as we go."

You chuckled, the sound light and almost freeing in the quiet room. "I think that’s kind of the point, right?" You paused, looking over at him, your expression softening. "I never thought I’d be here. With you. Raising a baby. But it doesn’t feel... impossible anymore."

Rafe glanced at you, a small flash of something unguarded in his eyes. "Yeah. Me neither." He paused, looking down at his hands before looking back up. "I guess we’re doing okay, huh?"

You didn’t have an answer at first. Instead, you just let your gaze soften. Maybe you hadn’t figured everything out yet. Maybe you still had a long way to go. But right now? Right now, in this moment, you were okay.

The door creaked from the hallway, and you both turned toward it, the sound of Willa stirring faintly through the door. Without a word, Rafe got up, stretching his arms before walking to the crib. You watched him for a moment, surprised at how natural it had become for him to step in like that.

You followed him, your steps quiet as you watched him gently pick Willa up, rocking her in his arms as he murmured something soft to her. You felt a flutter of something in your chest, a strange mix of relief and warmth.

“Got her?” you whispered, half-expecting him to protest.

He looked at you over his shoulder, his face soft, the exhaustion in his eyes mixing with something else—something more like contentment. “Yeah. Go back to sleep. I got it.”

And in that moment, as you watched him rock Willa back to sleep with ease, you realized something: this—whatever this was—had become a part of you. Not the life you’d planned, but a life that felt strangely right.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It was a few days later, and a crisp morning greeted them when the crying started again. Willa had been particularly fussy the past few days—her sleep patterns erratic, her cries escalating to heart-wrenching wails that neither you nor Rafe could seem to soothe. You'd tried everything: feeding her, changing her, singing to her, rocking her to sleep—but nothing worked.

Rafe was pacing around the living room, his eyes scanning every corner of the room as if the solution to Willa’s crying was hidden under a piece of furniture or buried in a drawer. You sat on the couch, rubbing your eyes, already feeling the exhaustion of another sleepless night pressing in on you. You hadn’t been able to focus at work, and the lack of sleep made everything feel like a blur. But now, there was no ignoring it. The crying was louder, more insistent, and it was like a knife to your heart every time she screamed.

Rafe glanced at you, his frustration mounting. “We’ve tried everything,” he muttered, the words tinged with helplessness. "What else can we do?”

You shook your head, feeling that same helplessness clawing at you. “I don’t know... We’ve been through the list a hundred times.”

You both sat there for a moment, staring at the baby monitor as Willa's cries grew even more frantic. You were about to stand up, about to try the rocking chair again, when Rafe's voice broke through the tension.

“I might know something.”

You looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

Rafe shifted, his brow furrowing slightly as he leaned against the wall. “Sarah used to do this when she was little. It’s crazy, but it worked every time. She had this blanket... a childhood blanket. I don’t know, it just always calmed her down.”

Your eyes widened as you processed his words. "Wait... Sarah had a blanket? Here?"

Rafe nodded. “Yeah. I think it's still in the attic. I’ll go get it.”

You watched as Rafe turned to leave, the sound of his boots echoing on the stairs. There was a strange, almost surreal feeling in the pit of your stomach as he disappeared from view. Sarah’s blanket. You hadn’t known about it—had no idea it was even still here, tucked away in the attic, a piece of her childhood still lingering in the house after everything that had happened.

A few moments later, Rafe returned, a slightly worn but soft-looking blanket in his hands. He didn’t say anything as he made his way over to the crib where Willa was still crying, her little face scrunched up in distress.

“Here goes nothing,” Rafe muttered, more to himself than to you.

He gently wrapped the blanket around Willa, smoothing it over her tiny body. It was faded in spots, the fabric soft with age, but it carried a strange comfort to it—a piece of Sarah that had been forgotten until now. You stood quietly, watching the scene unfold, unsure of what to expect.

And then, in what felt like an instant, Willa’s cries started to fade. Her tiny hands grasped at the blanket for a moment, and then she let out a soft sigh. Her body, tense from the crying, relaxed in Rafe’s arms, and her big brown eyes blinked up at him, almost like she was seeing him for the first time.

You could hardly believe it. The moment felt like magic.

Rafe, looking just as surprised as you, stood there for a moment, his hands still holding Willa as she cooed softly, her eyelids fluttering. “I’ll be damned,” he whispered. “It actually worked.”

You couldn’t move. The sight of Willa—now calm and almost content—was like a weight lifted from your chest. You had been so focused on solving this crisis, on trying to manage everything, that you hadn’t considered that something so simple, so deeply tied to the past, might be the key.

As Rafe gently placed Willa back in her crib, you stood still, unable to shake the strange sensation that had crept into your heart. Watching him with the blanket, watching him soothe Willa, a feeling washed over you—an unfamiliar tightness in your chest that was both comforting and unnerving. It was as if, in that moment, a piece of Sarah had crossed into your life in a way that felt too intimate. Too real.

Rafe glanced over at you, his face soft, almost vulnerable. “I didn’t think it would actually work,” he admitted quietly, still gazing at Willa, who was now sleeping soundly, wrapped in the faded childhood blanket.

You swallowed, trying to shake the sudden lump in your throat. “I didn’t know she had it,” you whispered, your voice quiet. “It’s... it’s kind of strange, isn’t it? To think that something so simple could bring her comfort.”

Rafe nodded, walking slowly back toward the living room as he sat down on the couch. He looked at you, his gaze slightly distant but full of that same raw honesty you’d come to expect from him. “Yeah, it’s weird. But it makes sense, right? Sarah had that damn thing with her everywhere. Maybe she passed it on to Willa somehow. Who knows? Maybe it’s something about the smell, or just the familiarity of it. But I guess that’s the thing with kids—they find comfort in things that we can’t even explain.”

You didn’t answer immediately. The room felt thick with something unspoken. There was a soft, melancholic weight in the air, and your chest ached. You hadn’t expected to feel this—this weird pull in your heart. The thought of Sarah, the reminder of her presence in this house, in your life, and now, with Willa... it was all too much to process.

You sat down beside Rafe, your body heavy with the unspoken thoughts crowding your mind. Neither of you said anything for a while. There wasn’t anything to say, really. But the silence between you two didn’t feel uncomfortable this time. It felt... shared.

Finally, after a few moments, you spoke, your voice soft but steady. “It’s... strange to think that Sarah’s still here. In some way. For Willa.” You looked at Rafe, trying to read his face, but his expression was guarded. “It’s like... she’s still looking out for her, even now.”

Rafe didn’t meet your gaze immediately. He just stared at the floor, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “But I hope so.”

You glanced down at Willa, her tiny form tucked into the blanket, her face peaceful now. The weight in your chest felt a little lighter. “I hope so, too.”

It wasn’t easy. None of this was. But at that moment, with Sarah's blanket wrapped around Willa, you both realized something—it wasn’t just about the past anymore. It was about the present. And the future.

You didn’t have all the answers, but maybe you didn’t need to. Maybe you just needed to trust that you were doing your best, that you were doing this for Willa, for Sarah, for each other. And maybe, just maybe, that was enough.

The day had shifted into something quieter, something more grounded. The house felt a little warmer, a little fuller, with Sarah’s memory lingering in the most unexpected of ways.

And as you sat there next to Rafe, silently watching over Willa, you couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of peace—the first you’d felt in a while.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

A few hours later, the night had settled into a rare quiet, the soft hum of the refrigerator and the occasional creak of the house the only sounds in the otherwise still air. Willa had finally fallen asleep—her tiny body now wrapped snugly in her crib, her peaceful face illuminated by the moonlight that spilled through the window. You and Rafe were sitting in the living room, a bottle of wine between you both, the remnants of the evening slipping by in a slow, comfortable haze.

It wasn’t something either of you had planned, but tonight felt different. The weight of the past few months, the stress of adjusting to this new life together, had somehow slipped away after dinner. There was no rush to get up, no urgent task that needed to be done. The wine flowed freely, and for a brief moment, it felt like you were allowed to just breathe.

You poured the second glass of wine, the conversation light, a mix of joking about how neither of you had ever really handled a bottle opener right and how neither of you knew much about wine, but at that moment, it didn’t matter. The normal world felt far away, and this small moment of calm was something you both desperately needed.

“I swear,” Rafe said with a half-grin, swirling his glass and leaning back into the couch, “I think I might be a natural at this wine thing.”

You laughed, lifting your own glass to your lips. “Oh yeah? That’s what I was thinking too. A whole new world of sophistication has opened up for you.” You clinked your glass against him, the light chimes almost too loud in the silence.

There was a quiet ease to the night. The tension of the past few months, the uncertainty of your situation, seemed far away. You both talked about random things—life before Willa, stupid high school memories, the occasional dig at the ridiculousness of the Kooks’ high-society antics. And somehow, in this soft glow of laughter, you both began to forget the weight of your new reality.

But as the night wore on, something in the air between you shifted.

The conversation had died down, and now the silence felt heavier, different. You caught Rafe’s gaze as he looked at you over the rim of his glass, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the space between you seemed charged. It was almost as if, after everything, this moment was too... easy. Too comfortable.

You shifted on the couch, the wine starting to cloud your mind in the way it did when it wasn’t just about a drink anymore. Your heart beat a little faster, a strange heat blooming in your chest.

Rafe’s eyes never left you, and you could feel the sudden awareness of his presence—his usual confidence now laced with something more raw. You tried to brush it off, to laugh it away, but your throat felt tight.

“I think we might’ve had a little too much,” you said, your voice a little unsteady, more than you’d intended. You weren’t sure if it was the wine or the sudden tension or maybe something else entirely.

He nodded, his gaze now focused entirely on you. “Yeah, probably. But... you know, it’s been a while since I’ve had a night like this. With someone.”

You felt the words sit heavy between you both, something unspoken hanging there, and for a brief moment, you swore you saw something flicker in his eyes—something that mirrored what you had felt earlier, that strange warmth in your chest.

You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could find the right words, Rafe shifted closer.

It was subtle, a slight movement, but it was enough to make your breath catch in your throat. And then, before you could stop yourself, before you could even process what was happening, his lips were on yours.

The kiss was gentle, and slow, like neither of you wanted to let go. For a moment, it felt like everything had shifted, like time had paused and all that mattered was the contact, the connection, the warmth of his mouth against yours.

But as quickly as it started, it was over. The distance between you two was almost immediate, both of you pulling away with wide eyes and labored breaths.

You both sat there, frozen, the weight of what had just happened sinking in like a heavy stone.

“Oh my God,” you muttered, your chest tight as your heart raced, “That... that was a mistake.”

Rafe’s face was flushed, his hands running through his hair nervously. He looked just as stunned as you felt. “Yeah. A big mistake,” he muttered under his breath, his voice laced with something like disbelief.

The air around you both thickened, heavy with the tension of what had just happened. Neither of you knew how to fix it, how to go back to the way things had been just minutes before, when everything felt... simple. When you both were just two people trying to figure things out.

“I—” You cut yourself off, unable to find the words. You didn’t know what you were supposed to say, what you were supposed to feel. The kiss had been... unexpected, yet somehow, it had felt too natural to ignore.

Rafe was silent for a long moment, his eyes locked on his hands, his voice quiet when he finally spoke. “We can’t—this can’t happen again, [Y/N].” His words were final, but there was something underneath them—a hesitation, like he wasn’t entirely sure that was what he wanted to say. “I mean, we’re... we’re doing this for Willa, right? We can’t let this mess things up.”

You nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. You’re right.” But as you said the words, you felt a strange tug in your chest—something that didn’t align with the logic of what you knew was right. You didn’t know what to do with that feeling, how to even begin to unpack it.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You and Rafe were guardians to Willa. That was it. It had to be that way. This... this wasn’t supposed to complicate things.

But the air between you both remained heavy. Every word that followed felt like an attempt to fill the silence, to erase the awkwardness, but nothing worked.

You sighed, your hands pressing against your eyes. “This is just so messed up. We’ve already got enough going on, and now...” you trailed off, unsure of what to even say next. You felt disoriented, your emotions tangled.

Rafe glanced over at you, his expression shifting from shock to something softer. “I don’t know what to say either. But... we need to focus on Willa. We’re doing this for her. That’s all that matters.”

You nodded again, trying to pull yourself together, but the air between you two was thick, and no amount of words could erase the kiss, the connection that had flickered between you both.

And in the quiet that followed, you realized something: things were already complicated. Whether you admitted it or not, the line between what was necessary and what felt right was already blurred. And neither of you knew how to unblur it.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The days dragged on, each one more awkward than the last. After the kiss, Rafe had retreated into himself, throwing up walls so high you could barely see over them. He was colder now—shorter with his words, sharper with his tone. The rare moments of understanding and teamwork you’d managed to build in the past months seemed to vanish overnight.

It was suffocating.

You found yourself juggling too much at once: your shifts at the café, the endless demands of parenting, and now, the tension that lingered between you and Rafe like a storm cloud. You couldn’t escape it. Every glance, every clipped response from him was a reminder of the kiss—a reminder of how things had gone wrong and how neither of you knew how to fix it.

Willa was your only reprieve. Despite the chaos, she was growing brighter by the day. Her giggles were your anchor, her tiny hands reaching for yours a reminder of why you were enduring this storm. But even she wasn’t enough to distract you from the weight of everything else.

“Rafe, can you grab her bottle from the kitchen?” you called one afternoon, cradling Willa in your arms as she fussed.

He didn’t look up from his phone. “You’ve got two legs, don’t you?” he muttered, the words slicing through the air.

You froze, biting back the sting of his tone. “I’m holding her, Rafe,” you said as evenly as you could manage.

With an exaggerated sigh, he got up and stomped into the kitchen. The bottle landed on the coffee table a moment later, the sound of it hitting the wood sharper than it needed to be.

“Thanks,” you said, though your gratitude felt hollow. He didn’t respond, disappearing into his office without another word.

This was how it was now—barbed comments, cold silences, and the ever-present feeling that you were walking on eggshells.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

One evening, after another particularly tense exchange, you sat on the edge of your bed, the weight of everything pressing down on you. The exhaustion was bone-deep. You felt like you were failing on all fronts—your job, your relationship with Rafe (if you could even call it that), and even Willa.

You couldn’t help but wonder how much longer this could go on. How long you could juggle everything without dropping one of the pieces.

But before you could dwell on it too long, there was a knock at the door.

Rafe stood there, his face unreadable. For a moment, you thought maybe he was going to apologize, maybe he was going to acknowledge how hard this had been for both of you.

Instead, he said, “We need to talk.”

You braced yourself. “About?”

His eyes flickered with something you couldn’t place—nervousness, maybe, or anger. “Ward.”

Your stomach dropped. “What about him?”

Rafe stepped into the room, his posture tense. “He’s... he’s trying to get custody of Willa.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut.

“What?” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

“He’s claiming we’re unfit,” Rafe said, his jaw tightening. “Says we don’t have the resources, that we’re too young. He’s filing a petition.”

Your heart raced as you tried to process the information. Ward Cameron, the man who had emotionally scarred his children, who had driven a wedge into their family with his manipulations, was trying to take Willa away?

“He can’t—he can’t do this,” you said, your voice shaking with anger. “He’s not fit to take care of her! What about everything he did to you? To Sarah?”

Rafe’s expression hardened, a mixture of fear and fury flashing across his face. “None of that matters to him. He doesn’t care about her—he just wants control.”

The room felt smaller, the air heavier. You couldn’t lose Willa. Not to Ward. Not after everything you’d fought for, everything Sarah and John B. had wanted for her.

“What do we do?” you asked, your voice cracking.

Rafe looked at you, and for the first time in weeks, the coldness in his eyes melted away, replaced by something raw and real. “We fight him,” he said firmly. “We don’t let him win.”

But as he said the words, the doubt in his voice betrayed him. Because deep down, you both knew that Ward Cameron wasn’t a man who fought fair. And the thought of what he might do to get his way sent a chill down your spine.

The battle for Willa had just begun, and it was about to shake everything you thought you knew.

© 2024 rafeskai | All rights reserved. This fanfiction is a work of fiction inspired by characters from Outer Banks, and no part of it may be reproduced or distributed without permission.

[amogus-real-not-clickbait]

dear NATM fandom. i have returned

after over a month of hard work and totally not fixating on moomins

i present to you the JEDTAVIUS SHIMEJI beta v.1!!!!!!

aka i burned myself out and had to get something out before my motivation completely dies!

mediafire link (lmk if i should add a google drive as well)

some more info:

release notes:

They cannot throw windows or divide yet. Sorry if you were counting on that, but i had to cut down on stuff in order to not abandon the project altogether. I will add more stuff in the future if i have the motivation

There was little to no alpha testing so i don't know if everything is 100% right. Please report anything that looks weird/out of place. Also lmk if i should tweak the chances of actions happening. The one that worries me the most is the hug action, bc i set the number so much lower than in the example. I hope they still can hug naturally

known issues:

Please watch the official FAQ first, I'm not a shimeji expert and can't help you with most problems

There may be gaps when shimejis interact w/ windows, this is an issue with shimejis in general, just felt like saying it bc it bothers me (especially when they climb to the top of the window)

idk if it's just me but they won't jump from window edges. they just stand there awkwardly and trip

personal thoughts:

Woah. This is my first time finishing a project like this. Even if it's cut down and not fully how i imagined it. My brain cannot comprehend this yet, but i will try to be proud of myself for this. I hope you enjoy this creation of mine. Thanks to everyone who was excited about this, i would totally give up without you. Special thanks to people who helped me brainstorm, and @ardent-w who helped a lot with brainstorming and coloring (and emotional support)

i thought it would be good to get these out on valentines so they can keep you company if you're feeling especially lonely today! or any other day, i just hope they can bring people joy, that's all :] now don't mind me, im off to eat lots of overpriced candy

[mononijikayu]

kayu's playlist - side 800;

“Will you wed me? On the morrow?”

Satoru’s question hung in the air, a whisper filled with promise and longing. His eyes searched yours, looking for the answer he already knew but needed to hear. The sincerity in his gaze, the way he held you as if you were the most precious thing in the world, made your heart swell with emotion.

hello, this is kayu!

i haven't written to all of you in a while. but here i am. i write to you all in gratitude for being so kind to me and being so fond of my writing. i express nothing but gratitude. you have all been so good to me and i would like to return that with little gifts.

i dabbled in fanfiction almost a decade or so ago and i've been taken to multiple fandoms over the years. and im very thankful that you have all been receptive to my works here too, with warm welcome.

ive spent much of my holiday just writing here, because it makes me genuinely so happy. and it makes me happy that you enjoy it with me. 800 hundred of you - i still can't believe it! i am just full of gratitude!

as i said to all of you, i was going to do a poll on how to do this playlist. and the result was this:

i voted too, as you can see! and as promised, i'll be writing the winners within the course of this week! the runner ups will end up seeing the light of day, but i just don't know when. until then, i hope you enjoy what i write up and enjoy them with me!

xoxoxoxo kayu

◤─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◥

the dragon and the maiden fair ─── gojo satoru.

◣─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◢

His bright blue gaze remarked each movement of your face as laughter echoed at each and every joke, every quip. There was true joy in the beams of your eyes. Satoru Targaryen must admit that he thinks no one has ever truly looked at him with such warmth. No one had ever been this joyful being by his side. No one but you.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

◤─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◥

from the start ─── fushiguro megumi.

◣─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◢

But Megumi was never good with words. He didn’t know how to reach you, how to express the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him every time you smiled at him. He watched from afar as you navigated relationships, your heart occasionally given to others, always returning to him as a friend. He told himself it was enough, that he could be content just being part of your life.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

◤─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◥

i wanna be your slave ─── ryomen sukuna.

◣─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◢

Sukuna’s pace never faltered as he drove into you with relentless intensity, your body arching under his expert touch. His dark red eyes were dark with desire, a mix of possession and something deeper that flickered within their depths. He knows he owns you, and yet somehow — he still wants more of you. He still craves to own you. Over and over, each night he asks for your presence, to take you over and over. He still wants more. He still has the greed, the hunger to want more.

[autumnbrambleagain]

the contrast between how there are two pieces of internet media that did "what is it like to be immortal? what would the genuine joy of it be, and how would it be an ontological nightmare?"

that the internet put out two incredible pieces of high quality media dealing with this topic,

and one is a mixed-media story about space probes watching football,

and the other is a porn game with every Unspeakable Fetish,

and for the fucking life of me i can't be sure which one did it better

i can't decide and sometimes i think 17776 still comes out the loser in comparison to paraphore and how hard it makes it to recommend to people to play paraphore despite, in my literal expert opinion (have a degree (graduate)), it being one of the better works of new literature ive ever experienced

and im' rereading 17776/20020 and it's just making me want to go through paraphore again

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

jpeg my beloved!!! 3, 8, 11, 16 for fandom asks please? xoxo 💕

(only a small number of questions from bean??? wild...)

'a small number of questions' you say while still asking more than the average 😂🤭<3

3. a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

Damian Wayne! As someone with a younger sibling with a similar age gap to what tim and damian have (in theory), everything about his character made me want to punt him like a football. cain instinct full throttle. However, lots of fantastic works surrounding him have helped me come to observe aspects of his character other than 'annoying younger sibling.'

8. a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

Darling, I would be remiss not to acknowledge you and @bi-bats for being some of my very first friends within the fandom and encouraging me to become a bigger part of it <3<3<3

11. if you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

okay this might sound goofy but. im so proud of my little batblobs. they're just fun to make and they've brought a lot of people joy. i hope those silly doodles inspire people who feel like they cant contribute to fandom with creating expert level artwork <3

16. a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

JASON TODD IS FUNCTIONALLY YOUNGER THAN TIM DRAKE. look i know we love the dynamic of jason being the older brother/more experienced partner because woobifying tim is fun, but i will never stop screaming about how Jason is mentally 3.5 years younger than his 'legal' age. After dying he spent 6 months being dead, 1 year in a coma, 1 year catatonic on the streets, and 1 year catatonic with the League before Talia dunked him in the lazarus pit. obviously canon is a tangled mess and people are free to explore whichever version of it they like best, but?? the angst potential?? jason coming back to gotham as an 'adult' but still only having the life experience of a 15 year old?? im SCREAMING. Give me a jason who's like 'actually, tim, im younger than you, so how about YOU be the bigger person here.' thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[bharv]

Hello mighty mizora! Big fan here of your work the way you write is so mesmerizing honestly im always in awe!! I have a small question i hope its not annoying i've asked this question to another writer who i liked once but they were so mean to me back so i understand that maybe its not the best question to be asked but i have ADHD and i need alittle direction so i hope maybe you can give me some (its totally okay if you dont want to ! ) Do you have any pointers to someone who has never wrote anything past school essays and to do lists if they want to start writing fanfiction and have it be nice and expressive? I have so many ideas i write them down write 5 sentences thats like a summray maybe a few sentences of some scenes of romance sorta like a small outline it feels so dry... And i dont know what to do past that... Essays had structures and preferred starting intros and all that but i feel lost when i try and start a story, i know myself and i know once i start i will not shut up but starting feels like a wall and i dont know how to climb yk ?

Hey pal!

Firstly thank you so much and also I'm sorry you had a bad experience with another writer. You've asked this so nicely. And apologies for this being delayed I thought I had clicked post but I'd saved the draft again!

So I'm not going to claim to be an expert in this but the way I approach this is:

I start with what I want to say with a piece. What do I want to explore? What do I hope the reader will take away from it? I then jot those down for myself at the top of the document, just like you describe with your summary! If this changes as I discover things that's okay, but it's kind of my road map.

I usually also start in the middle of some action, or with a line of dialogue. Honestly you don't have to do this at all but the joy of fanfiction is you don't have to do loads of exposition! People know who the characters are and you can dive into things! It means you get stuck right in which I personally like.

I also don't write chronologically! I think we can get so stuck on things. I think of writing a story like pruning a garden, so I might write some "holding sentences" per scene and then work on scenes as they come to me. It's a good way to build up the bits as you are inspired. You can see this really clearly in a piece like Blood and Bone which is very sparse, some of the holding sentences in that fic are still in there.

When it comes to dialogue, I use the actioning method used in acting and I work out what people want to do by saying something. I like when characters don't say things outright, but say a hundred words by what they don't say. A character can say I love you, and it's good, but what if they say I don't want you to leave? What is left in the gaps?

When it comes to description I think I have a long way to go honestly but again. What are people seeing, smelling, tasting, seeing touching? What is their primary sense? Does it evoke anything else for them, or are they entirely in the moment? This can vary from character to character.

Another thing to think of is variant rhythm. Once you have a first draft down, go over it again and look at sentence structure. Can you add variation by changing the length of sentences? Can you tell a story in the rhythms you use? I'm a big fan of long run on sentences in romance showing a character losing control, for example.

And the big secret honestly is... you might well find your writing a bit dry! I find mine dry! I look at it squinting, asking whether the sex is sexy or if it's just way too out there or just completely misses the mark. We only really know when other eyes get to see it.

I hope that's helpful!

[loaffofbred]

A lil analysis or insight of Q!Foolish's actions in todays QSMP dinner event

Before diving in, keep in mind im discussing roleplay and the fictional characters! All are purely fiction ^^

The main question people probably have is, why? Why would Foolish do that exactly? For anyone who doesn't watch Foolish's POV often, I'll try to simplify most of his motives and actions since they may seem random to others but is actually reasonable in a way when you think of his character a lot more. I'm not an expert in his character in any way, this is just how i interpret most of his actions!

Foolish arrested Pac and Mike by the request of Cucurucho or the Federation. After this and the interrogation, Foolish also lied to Jaiden about a portion of what the request entailed. He lied about the fact there was a choice between the arrest of Tazercraft and the death of Richarlyson. Jaiden told this without really knowing it was a lie, and spread it to Cellbit and the others. Foolish knew this was going to happen, and didn't have any hard feelings about it at the end. Thats basically the summary of what happened! So, based on Foolish's actions, who exactly is he siding with?

To put it simply, no one! Based on the way he words his mission with the federation, and the way he feels about both Pac and Mike, he wasn't necessarily benefiting much from the arrest. From his own words, he kinda just did it for shits and giggles. He didn't have any bad intentions to begin with. But there are certain underlying possible implications of his actions that may relate to more motives.

Getting on the Federation's good side

- Foolish has by far been the Federation's no. 1 supporter and defender. He expressed his support in them since almost day 1, where he wasn't entirely even against them to begin with. He was simply suspicious, but then when he found the cloud, there was a certain switch in his intentions. This time, he can GAIN something out of supporting them, he knows how powerful the federation is, so simply pandering to their liking is a benefit! Not only to himself, but also his family, specifically Leo and Vegetta. It makes them less of a target, and may gain something out of simply being buddy buddy's with them. To put it simply, keep your friends close but your enemies closer, he has far more benefits (maybe selfish ones but still benefits) in being for them than against them.

Chaotic personality

If you aren't familiar with Foolish's overall personality, hes basically somewhat chaotic neutral. He doesn't necessarily have any malice against anyone, and is mostly doing things for the sake of his own satisfaction or joy. When he's bored, he'll probably blow something up or burn something if there wasn't rules. He considers others emotions, but mostly thinks of the best way for him to benefit out of a situation. Even if that action only steers the pot, that's basically the point! If anything, he could've been a lot more devious and deceptive about his arrest yet was still somewhat honest with what happened because there wasn't bad intentions to begin with, his actions has benefited but also highly disadvantaged the federation's image and intentions. He had:

- Arrested Pac and Mike

- Yet arrested them in the most public way possible

- Had lied about the original mission

- Yet further ruined the Federation's image and intentions

- Had publicly supported the Federation

- Yet had ACTIVELY gone against them by hiding a gun/s

Like he said himself, he isn't working FOR them necessarily. He refused to even imply that he was an employee or member to begin with. His chaotic personality is a double edged sword, he's unpredictable. This can be an advantage and disadvantage to anyone he considers an ally or friend.

In simple terms, hes quite a chaotic character! He doesn't do sides in particular, more or so he thinks of what he gets out of a situation, or even just does it for the sake of doing it. Do that info as you will.

But the far more interesting question for me is, why Foolish? Why choose Foolish for this mission? Is it because he was easy to manipulate? But doesn't the Federation have some suspicion on Foolish having extra guns? Why choose, OUT OF ANYONE, the one person who has defied the law to reinforce it? It's ironic that Foolish would be the person to arrest someone while he himself has illegal items! I dont know the Federation's intentions, but I feel like they aren't done with Foolish yet, I feel like because of how easy he obeys orders, he could be used for other possible missions again.

tho idk, maybe not. Who knowsss?~

anyways, thats about all i can ramble! hope it was understandable lel

[jackalopescruff]

have you made a post or anything talking about being a therian and like, how you came to realize it and stuff? im questioning myself and was hoping maybe, as a longtime follower of yours, your experience (any amount of it really) could help me out. no need to push urself to explain or anything of course!! i appreciate you being open about it in general ❤️

I never made a generalized post about it really since I'm very much a private introspective person (usually bounce things off my wife and my closest friends) and of course sought out input from Therian pals to help unpack my feelings but! with the disclosure that I'm still relatively new to this whole thing, and am by no means an expert I can offer a little insight to some of the stuff but I'll be brief. (Other Therian folks who are following me feel free to reblog and add your own insight for anon I wont mind at all!)

My realization definitely stemmed a lot in part I believe from not only my own journey and struggle with my Trans identity which had its own ups and downs, how even after feeling comfortable in a certain gender expression and identity there was still some itching piece that was not falling into place. Because while I felt very happy with being a "woman of my own making" (pat on my back because that was my rawest line from my own gender journey while i was working my ass off in a warehouse talking to my wife on the sly on my earbuds) I knew something else was there nagging at me beyond being a Non Binary Trans Woman.

With having Autism there is already that feeling of out of place that you get with being separate from society and its standards as a whole and at first a lot of my feelings on non-humanism I chalked up to the dehumanizing that autistic folks face as part of society expecting us to mold to the standards they practice and demand so it went left unexplored for some time because I just figured "yeah I'm autistic of course I feel out of place in 'normal' society" (again the language here not implying its wrong to be me or autistic obviously) But once around friends and people I trusted who didn't other me for my transness or my autism that itch still persisted.

My being a furry helped me explore more animal mannerisms and behaviors just out of the fact that its furry community we get sillay. But the more I acted on certain things (barking, meowing, various other noises) as well as more referential to myself not as a human but as a Dragon, Bear, Dog etc just a change of language as part of the fun I started noticing those same warm feelings as I did when I started new pronouns or names, the social feelings of being referred to with things that otherwise I wouldn't normally experience. My fascination with nature, my love of the outdoors beyond just the joy of fresh air the actual genuine peace that I'd feel in the woods away from society as a large, listening to all the other animals in the trees feeling the sun and wind on my face how it deeply went into me in some spot inside me that I never really knew was there at least never knew how to acknowledge how it felt like each breath filled my body with this new life I hadn't known.

My wife knew she was Therian first, and through her I explored myself and began to realize that I probably was too. With insight from other pals who also were Therian and just a general fact that I am not afraid to just sit down and look myself in the mirror in a sense and unpack shit when I need to I really just had this sudden explosion of "oh wow this is what it was, this is that itchy piece" I am beyond happy with where the journey has already taken me and I do not feel shame to be that which I am. My wife, my friends, plenty of people around me encouraged, nurtured, and embraced who I was.

So now yeah, my wife and I spend a lot of time speaking with body language and make little barks and reh's and howls and noises at each other instead of words because its freeing to be able to talk with your body and eyes and be understood, especially with autism, being able to be non verbal but still communicate brought such peace and joy. Being able to escape life in society and build a bedroom den and hang vines up in our bathroom and build our own burrow with moss and leaves and just curl up and feel cozy and safe is so comforting and warm.

I know its not a thing everyone gets, and I know its a stigma because "you are bound by your flesh" but much like being trans the flesh is only a small part of what makes us, Us and our soul is much brighter and deeper than anything that our exterior can show. So I may be constrained by limited avenues of external physical expression but that shouldn't stop me from letting my soul soar and be as bright and passionate as it can be.

[sasoxichomoshi]

hey! i'm planning on writing a lol vampire au heavily inspired by castlevania and i want nilah as one of the protagonist monster hunters, but i have very little idea on how to write her. there are veeeery few good nilah fics (and i found only one that was nilah-centric) so i dont have much fan material to base myself on.

i find nilah really hard to write because we don't know a lot about her prior to ashlesh and writing a character that only feels ona emotion is a challenge. i still intend on making ashlesh and their deal a thing (although not necessarily as extreme as the runeterra version) but I really wanted to hear from the greatest nilah expert out there. do you have any tips/suggestions? what are things you feel are missing in most nilah fanworks?

i always wanted to make an overall guide on how to write nilah, but never felt comfortable in doing so, but hey now i have an excuse!! thanks frend

first i want to say that most of fanfics out there are fine and there are even some of them i like a lot despite not agreeing the way they write nilah (i guess that's what we call creative freedom lol), and nonetheless im very grateful for people picking her to write about

that said, yes you are totally right, nilah is hella difficult to write, like god level difficulty, because not only you have to know nilah, but if you're going to write her having any interaction with another character you have to know that character too (more than superficial knowledge); for example, nilah often refers to another people by their *full name* or titles, so it's something you have to keep in mind (the only exception i can imagine to this is if she's faking not knowing something for the sake of a higher objective that cannot be achieved by the use of brute force)

nilah unending happiness might sound like a big problem, but it has to be one of the most chill parts of her character; usually people tend to focus too much on the happy side of the thing, and in fact she doesn't work like this!

nilah is happy all the time yes, but it works more like a feeling of excitement than of genuine happiness, and the thing is: nilah feels other things too. well, she doesn't feel them literally, but she *believes* she feels them, it's her human part rationally thinking and mentally pointing "oh now i should feel anger" "now it's a moment of sorrow" and the moment the thought leads to a feeling, it is immediately cut by her curse

nilah lives by her principles and values inherited from her human part and past, and that's what she uses to guide her. all her feelings are suppressed by ashlesh, so she has to rely on her logic, basically

the demon's influence feels much like a grasp; it feels like its hands tightly holds nilah's head; ashlesh is oppressive, he's always watching her... and she still keeps him in control through her rituals and meditations (and even with her intelligence)

people overlook this one too, but nilah is very smart and cunning; years of reading made her a walking encyclopedia, and her tongue can be as sharp as her urumi, BUT her spiritual training with the seventh layer order also made her mindful and sensible: she's smart, but she'll only use knowledge for good; she's cunning, but she won't be if unnecessary or for personal gain.

she weighs the consequences of her actions especially when interacting with other people (which brings me to another point that nilah navigates interaction by social cues, she guesses the pattern and goes by it cause 1) she only feels joy and 2) she's contacting another cultures and lands, so it's kinda of a process of trial and error)

also, if i may say, the impression "an intimate evening at oyster bill's" gives about nilah is that she can read intentions very clearly (probably an ability she got from ashlesh), she may not know why people act the way they do, but she knows when someone is lying or being honest (or threatening her)

with these explanations in mind, here's a quick guide by topics to follow when writing nilah

INTERACTIONS

she's very reserved about herself and her past - even when writing her paired with someone, i dont think she would talk about herself, her past is forgotten and she lost herself to joy, remember that

she's moderate when speaking - if you're going to make her sound happy, do it with balance, the only moment she sounds exceptionally happy and excited is in battle

she's not emotional (logically) - she wont act "in the heat of the moment", as i said, she's thoughtful with her actions

ashlesh also "interacts" with other people - tho of what we have been presented so far makes him looks mysterious, here i believe people SHOULD flex, go for your imagination

INNER THOUGHTS

if you feel like really writing her PoV, try to follow that idea of the logical thinking i explained above and keep it short and objective

you can also describe ashlesh's influence for that emotional seasoning (as i explained above)

but (and it's my personal favorite) you can also totally avoid diving into nilah's PoV for that mystery flavor that works so well with her - no one understands her and trying to do so can create interesting settings

MANNERISMS

she always uses people full names or titles - and in this case using titles when not sure about the characters full names can help, but i advise not overuse it

whenever nilah speaks with someone, insert small mentions of recitations during the interaction - with parsimony, the better use of it happens as a tool to drive conversations; nilah can use it to avoid a question, change topics or end conversations (and the inverse can happens too!!), be creative when use it and be sure to include meaningful conversations/interaction between her lil' recitations

nilah make use of mudras, hand gestures - they can be widely used to be honest (it's more frequent when she do recitations/meditates), but you can also make creative use of it (e.g. she inserts signs in the middle of the mudras to sneakily pass a message)

DON'Ts (personal opinion)

avoid making her childish like the hell

dont make her have the joker smile all the time please please please

she doesnt laugh at everything

this one is veryyy particular of me, but nilah wont go out there mentioning ashlesh name or saying things like "this is ashlesh the lord of joy, one of the ten kings, demon of the seventh layer and i control it blah blah blah" - even if she's asked directly i doubt she would give a full answer, AGAIN she's thoughtful and objective, she wont go out there giving this kind of information for free, avoid this

i think these are my main points, ofc dont let them hold yourself on some idea, i really dont wanna hurt any creative thought by somehow "imposing" my views

something that i always have in mind is that everyone is writing nilah's epic somehow, and i believe nilah would like to see everyone's thoughts about her turning into stories

thanks so much for the ask, and sorry for the delay (and maybe i wrote it too big lol), if you have another questions please it will be a pleasure to answer them ^u^

[elfrootenthusiast]

Take this as permission to ramble about an oc <3

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY CASSIE TIME

every1 look @ her outfits........ if u dont want to read th worlds longest oc lore dump u can go in #party rat, #cassie, or #boss cass and learn literally everything u need 2 know abt her frm context clues

SO THATS CASSIEEE my mgs oc ✨ aka cassandra aka cass aka party rat aka my baby

looong story short she was your classic mgs child soldier with a streak of bad luck until she tried to KILL big boss in the late 1960s. she was one of the first poor bastards he took under his wing and following the dubiously canon events of the san hieronymo incident she became one of the original members of the foxhound unit: solitary shrike.

obviously that code name sucks ASS and honestly so did she; she was moody, rude, violent and didnt work well with others. absolutely no joy or whimsy until she met some british asshole named lance hewitt, codename bengal tiger, and got paired up with him. they proceeded to survive a catastrophic near death mission that changed the trajectories of their lives FOREVER on account of they emerged from it so ride or die for each other that they began matching each others freak to an inadvisable degree.

she changed her name (surprise her given name isnt cassandra. only 3 people in the whole world know what it used to be and im not one of those people) and her code name to reflect the "new her" she wanted to cultivate after facing death, branding herself "party rat." the goal? fill whatever life she had left with as much joy, love & fun as she possibly could. she was going to sing as loud as she wanted, dance as wild as she felt like, and finally stop holding herself back from fully connecting with the people around her. to solidify this, as well as to show her complete and utter over the top devotion to him, she took on lances last name, finally becoming the cassandra hewitt we all know + love

now a member of the MSF cass works as an engineer sergeant, chief mechanic, & generally invents a bunch of highly questionable weapons and machines. she also operates on the field as a demolitions expert for her squad, which grows to include an absolute dickhead named joaquin gutierrez, or mangey jackal. though she tries to embrace her new party spirit and the "peace and love" vibes of the time, he singles out bengal for some intensive one on one training and eventually pushes him to the point of breaking, making cass snap and quite literally bite his ear off. but like. he was fine. and everyone got better. and she taught him how to do the hustle as a peace offering. nothing a little disco cant fix.

back to the Plot: she eventually gets wrapped up in the creation of metal gear zeke, and was one of the weak points exploited by paz that allowed her to hijack it later on. she meets her canonical end during the ground zeroes incident, dying alone in the lower levels after sending her squadmates ahead to buy time. she blowed up </3

in alternate timelines where she survives she loses her left arm and occasionally her leg below the knee as well. as a sole survivor she becomes tangled in a web between big boss, zero, and cipher, creating a PMC of her own in order to pick up the pieces and continue the legacy left to her. she also begins raising the clone sons of her late best friend as her own but THATS neither here nor there <- dont even worry about it if the others survive she manages to slip from the attention of the higher ups and settles on creating a relief network with amanda valenciano libre, an old friend from her time in the msf. no matter what, cass maintains a stubborn belief that unless shes seen the bodies of her friends theyre still alive, which means she cant rest until shes found them. even if it takes Nine Years

ANYWAYS LIKE. tldr: shes like if pinkie pie had a party cannon that killed people for realsies

[borathae]

Hii Sibii!

I just wanted to say that I started writing fanfics just this week after a few years of reading them. And I saw your post from a few days ago..

https://www.tumblr.com/borathae/734238428166832128/hi-im-a-new-writer-and-i-was-wondering-if-you

This one

And I wanna thank you for answering their ask because I learnt a few things as well. I have only posted like two blurbs yet but I want to keep writing whenever I have time.

I just wanted to say that whenever I write, I feel like the type of vocabulary I use is just too simple or too normal. And sometimes it kinda takes away from the story. I know it will take time and practice to write good stories so I’ll keep writing patiently.

I really like your stories so I hope I can write like you someday🩵

Aaah heheh I'm happy that my post could help you as well! I'm no expert and I still have so much to improve, but I'm always happy to help you guys :( istfg yesterday I watched an interview of Tom Holland about why he's a non-drinker and at one part he said "I like being a dependable person. I like to know that people feel safe depending on me" AND I FELT SO VALIDATED BECAUSE I LOVE THIS TOO :( so keep asking me questions my loveliest hheheh I always love to help you guys as best as I can 🥺 (lmao that took a turn JFJADFJ you guys got a short insight in how my brain works because lmao that was a big yap rn ahhaha)

I just wanted to say that whenever I write, I feel like the type of vocabulary I use is just too simple or too normal. And sometimes it kinda takes away from the story. I know it will take time and practice to write good stories so I’ll keep writing patiently.

Oh yes 100% when I reread my older stories these days, I'm always astonished about how much I improved without even realising that you did. The most important thing is to keep writing and to never lose the joy of it. 💜

I really like your stories so I hope I can write like you someday🩵

OFMG?? THANK YOUFADS FNASFN

[team-frightfur]

TUMBLR DENIES ME TAGS AGAIN BUT THIS TIME I WAS SMARTER. STRONGER. I WROTE MY TAGS IN THE BODY AND COPY PASTED. UNSTOPPABLE.

The atmospheric fade is used sooooooooooo well here.

Oh and we cant forget the accessories. Theyre so hecking cute! The hippos lil XD is to die for and once more the details are insane. Like you actually shaded the seams and pinch! Who hurt you and where can I get some? Also the green glasses compliment his reds so well.

Anyway next we have SVFD's funky lil floral shades (i love them so much you have no clue), the flower necklace is also amazing.

The dragons at the back are harder to make out but, obviously, that just sells the pic more as something lived in and dynamic. Plus, theyre still shaded super well and perfectly for the pic, so theres 0 to complain about.

Also love how I can FEEL clear wings pure joy at being given a hat by little Yugo. Look at that grin, that upturned eye. I've never seen a more overjoyed Beast and SV is RIGHT THERE smiling so hard its jaw's gonna unhinge. Do feel a lil sad about how CW's wings blend into the trees but a comps gotta comp. This is karma for them being the negating dragon. Anyway, I love their accessories, like all the speedroids on Yugo's surfboard (red eye, 2 tri eye and 1 terrortop? Thats the duel links set baybee).

Dark reb is just as happy, but a lil more restrained. I also dk what mon they've got. it has ancient cloak vibes but im no PK expert. Barely play them really. The flowers make it festive either way. The Dark reb pattern on the kite is a nice touch, too!

Ok dragons down, time to scream about 4 small boys! First off, someone get Yugo a shirt before he gets sunburned /joking.

Ok but for real Yuya and Yuris poofy shirts are very summer vibes and very cute. It gives them both a really floaty feeling that suits the piece! Yuya's big ol smile is the cutest thing I've seen all week (plus the fangs are a super cute and nice touch) and Yuris smug "im gonna beat your ass" grin is impeccable. The water guns are really well done, too. Love how yuri's matches SVFD, but curious about Yuya using blue. Is it a ref to his pendulum? Anyway, the shading on their hair (yuyas contrasting values in particular stand out to me) are also so silken and jaw dropping that I feel like you could shear it and weave a silken scarf out of it. Fantastic 10/10.

Yugo's tiny grin is so precious 50/50 and I love how Yuto is kinda cautiously clinging to dark reb as he carefully takes stock of the situation. Yuya and Yuri may be at war, but Yuto and Yugo have chosen peace. For now.

Last but not least, the effect work is really good! I like the refracted light scattered tastefully across the piece to give it some pink and white and add to the sunny vibe. I've already mentioned how well done the addition based atmospheric fade is. The snatches of subsurface scattering like on SV's dark green and the underside of Yuyas shirt are just an extra 10% of perfection.

The thing that gets me about this is that there are no flaws. Zero corners cut. I almost pity you because I feel like this must have simultaneously been the most satisfying and painful thing ever created. I cannot fathom having the heart to do this.

1000/1000 are you a professional artist because holy shit.

My piece for Dragon's den zine.

[iloveubee]

Im in Athens right now and its beautiful and as i roam the originale and beautiful street at night it made me think of how mutch my girlfriend would feel happy and how mutch She loves going in streets full of restauraunts and shops and Just the idea to go to vacation only the Two of us, Like o have some ideas of places that She might love and its possibile to go to, also because now i kinda became an Expert on travelling and how airports work so, so i would love to give her sutch a beautiful ubique experience and to see her eyes Shining with Joy as She looks a new places, but for now its impossible due to our situation, and even if we werent in thia situation in still Will be impossible since her parents are annoying overprotective dumbasses so yeah, im really looking foward to the day my gf turns 18 so we can both be free especially her.

[hotdrinkluvr]

I was like "aw I wish I had friends :(" and now I have the chance to make friends my age and im like "awww not these kind of friends :(" will I ever be happy? but is it truly that hard to find someone who will do whatever I say and just fucking adore me? Like fuck, it shouldn't be that difficult , I had someone like that before a long while a go. And it was full on, she made a journal just fully about me, she cut herself when I moved away because of me, she was so obsessive, always wanting my approval for everything and it was fucking weird but god I want that kinda person back. I didn't in anyway encourage it either, I was totally oblivious to her and even my own actions, lacking the awareness I have now. She must of thought I was so fucking cool, but at the time I was so hopeless deeply insecure but I projected a 'don't give a shit ' attitude, licking bins and shit, doing dumb dangerous stuff and cultivating a sort of authority around my friends.

Whatever the case, she's moved on and is obsessed with someone else, someone who reminds me of my past self, someone I wanted to like me really fucking badly before I could admit to myself that I really liked her. I had a huge ego back then, despite my insecurity.

Im less egotistical now, significantly so. Im less confrontational and sure of myself having had a really shit experience in my last years of school after I moved. It completely shot my confidence and I became so depressed and desperate that if it weren't for covid I'd probably be all but dead. Im working to build myself back up, I've really improved from back then but I'm still a far cry from the carefree egoist I was before. I think ill always have a chip on my shoulder from now on, which I don't mind completely because its made me into who I am today which im pretty fucking happy with. Im happy with who I am, but I can only be who I am when im alone which is what makes me unhappy. I want someone who I can be alone with, you know? If I were to just be me around family and friends, and im not being funny when I say they'd at worst cut me off completely and at best pity me for life. I hear how my family talks about people who are like me, my granddads always saying some shit about a looney he teaches at work or worked with in a play and i sit there thinking, if only you knew how I was, who I am within my core? If only you knew who hard I work to seem normal to you, how much energy it drains everyday just to keep up that fucking smile?

Sometimes I tweak out, can't help my little outburst or weird behaviour because its effort to keep that shit in. You could never, ever fucking tell im fucking bipolar because I work really really hard to keep that shit in. Yesterday my grandmother was doing my hair and it hurt so fucking bad I physically couldn't restrain myself from crying, I hadn't felt that emotional in good while and im almost slapped her away from, almost, was so damn close to calling her bitch. Just for doing something I wanted to get done anyway. I was such an emotional kid and my dad made me feel so so shit about it, I couldn't control my crying or anger or even my bursts of pure fucking joy and he hated me for it. Eventually you do end up teaching yourself to control to an extent, and I think I'm the best at it now because I've finally learnt how to remove myself from my body. Im still not at all an expert but it helps. My emotions are always quite heightened so it takes a lot of energy to bring them done to a normal level, so yeah im always fucking tired and I Have the stamina of a 50 Yr old.

I can't even remember what im writing good night!

[maliciousmalfeasance]

i don't get to walk very much lately

not because im short on time, or lovely places to go- but because my body has been playing a nasty trick on me- or maybe my body is the trick- it all feels like one big, terrible drawn out joke that stopped being funny before it even left the lips of whoever's been telling it over and over for the last 2 years.

Worse yet- I keep falling for it. (ha ha, get it? Because I fall over...) I keep entertaining the idea that it's better now! I'm seeing slight improvements so who knows maybe soon I can pack the shower chair away and never look at it again and I can walk down to the lake and sit there like I did- a week- years ago- eons away from now. It's silly. I see my partner witnessing it, each time. The wind up, the expectation and maybe- even the actual merciful plateau for a while. Enough energy to garden and clean and get a start on the mountain of "when im doing better" tasks that keeps growing and looming in my periphery. And then- I hit the wall again. My body knocks me out and drags me aching and cursing back to bed. I've no idea how long I'll be back at square one.

I haven't been able to go for walks often- is what I'm saying. Which is what has made the few times I have been able to go for walks, so magical. I've been really into moss! Strange fixation to have when there are many more pressing and beautiful things to snatch my attention but I find I keep my eyes down a lot as a general habit (better keep an eye on these feet- you never know where they're going) and I find an inordinate amount of comfort in little tufts of green tucked into the darkest, dankest crevices of suburbia and bush land.

Same goes for lichen, fungi, and just life in general. I've been keeping fish and plants and- maintaining little islands of life is excellent enrichment in my enclosure, I gotta say. I love the reminder that life persists even when I feel so cut off and vulnerable and sick. I love my snails and shrimp and fish. I get disproportionately sad when I can't manage to work on my gardening and fish-keeping projects. Watching shows and movies is still a fun thing to do with others but when I'm by myself it's really lost its lustre. I can't help but associate watching tv with being exhausted and barely functioning at this point because when I'm too tired and unwell to think coherently, I watch something to try and keep myself occupied and awake.

Anyways all this to say- I want to document my walks some more, and my outings in general. With film wherever possible, because this way I can surround myself with images of outside and hope when I'm in this rut again next. Because something tells me this rut is going to remain a frequent stop in my life- might as well make it a nice little rut to get stuck in. My body is forcing a lot of rest on me at the moment. That is what it is. Better not to turn the rest into torture by sucking all the joy out.

I hope your life has opportunities for rest, too. And life! I recommend keeping plants-if you need plant advice I'm no expert but I can try my best. If you can't keep plants alive consider yourself a plant and keep yourself well watered and make sure you get some sun on your leaves and soil on your soles (souls? you heathens.) occasionally.