#still love those guys sm
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Just wanted to let you know that 100 red flags is single handedly turning me into a tntduoer the writing is simply beautiful and the way you explore the dynamics between characters FEEDS ME beeduo will always be my absolute beloved but you have carved a space for tntduo close to my heart
well, writing 100 red flags is literally what turned me into a tntduoer, so if reading it does the same for you then we're just two peas in a pod now aren't we. literally, when veneta and i were writing chapter 1, i hadn't seen the 'deck of green cards with a smile on them' stream. the tntduo stream, where revivedbur first goes to las nevadas. i hadn't seen it. and then it took us writing well over 200k words before got anything close to actually shipping them.
but thank you!! i'm so glad to hear that you like the fic so much - that we've managed to spread the tntduo disease to you as well. i hope we do beeduo justice too, because. well. redacted information, i suppose.
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hey! 🤍
#happy holidays to those who celebrate#wishing for only good vibes this new year 🙏#haven’t seen u guys in a while!#been going through it#mostly mentally#days are very. very rough#can’t be bothered with sims at all i’m sorry#i see your asks in my inbox and tysm but i. honestly. don’t have the mental capacity for it rn#chatter#oh and those who still tag me in stuff. you know who you are. i’m so so incredibly grateful! tysm#u have no clue how much that means to me knowing there’s people out there who still think of me#love u all sm#hope to see you soon 👋#ok bye
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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I said the other day that she's my favourite and here is my proof, have a pony picture as thanks for enjoying my niche feeling interests alongside me 😌😌💜💜
Isn't she beautiful-
#she was a gift from my ex for my 16th birthday lmao#he knew how much i loved mlp and was a bit too ashamed to get a plushie for myself#so he got me my sweet💜💜💜#i still call her derpy I'm sorry ik that's like... a bit wrong#but that's just the name of my toy lmao i won't be saying that of any other pony#she is muffins or ditzy or bubbles or whatever name you associate with her idk she's a silly lil guy with too many names isn't she#i fucking LOVE how her smile is literally :3#like they didn't get her cross eyes but BOY she sure still looks goofy lol#ugh she's great#i took her to uni with me#i was really out there at 18 bringing cool people into my room and going 'oh yeah just ignore the pony and mountain of other plushies'#not featured is the fact she usually serves as a load-bearing plush to my stuffie mountain which contains a squirtle and momo the lemur#i have great taste#ANYWAY#as always i be rambling#i have therapy in an hour and I'm putting off preparing by taking photos of 10 year old cuddly toys 😌#i have a CRAPTON of gen 3 toys in the loft from when i was... 6? 7? i will never get rid of those i love them sm#i wish i could display them but *guestures vaguely at the cosmic horror of my room* no space lol
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Doodle I did of my girl Juliet earlier
#keese draws#lobotomy corporation#oc art#not super happy with this but I do enjoy looking at her so I can lower my standards for her#at least I feel like I have a better idea of her general shapes now#I spent hours and hours today on the lob corp grind and I think Im Finally ready to actually move forward with they story#Ive also been thinking abt my nuggets during their lor eras and thats been fun#in particular its been fun to think abt my ogs because half of them are experiencing their crash from finally being free from lob corp hell#and the other half are like frolicking in fields and making friendship bracelets and have made peace with their past and upcoming futures#and that half is the half that are all just godawful people who do not deserve that peace and happiness while the people they actively#traumatized are just left to deal with it#this is mostly abt juliet and loki they both suck I love them sm <3#juliet is the one thats caused more active harm tho since shes that type of boss that will obsess over those she thinks have ~potential~#and once youve caught her attention you are guaranteed to have a horrible time as she will get what she wants out of you no matter what#she doesn't even work on abnormalities anymore just just breaths down ppls necks and fights when need be#loki is very similar in that regard he puts a lot of pressure on his team to provide the results he wants#hes less likely to like. directly psychologically torture those who are under him. but he still isnt a good boss.#hes also more openly rude and disrespectful towards those around him because while neither respect anyone but eachother#loki much more frequently openly states that fact to ppls faces because he feels like everyone around him is wasting his time#now loki actually does legitimately like a few other ppl he works with which is smth that cant rly be said for juliet#but hes also the one whos always on team 'lets murder the newbies for science' so y'know#ding is like his least favorite person here and its like 30% because he specifically accepted her into the info department because he#planned on getting her killed to finish off some research on a tool abno that was being worked on#but she survived the process so now she just like actually works here and he despises her despite the fact that shes rly good at her job#juliet doesn't usually send ger guys to die on purpose but if they do die she doesn't care#she simply feels that if they die early they were weak links anyways#she will still be 'nice' to newbies and to all of her coworkers for that matter but she still has quite the bad reputation regardless#some newbies do fall for her polite act but anyone whos been here for more than like a few days knows that she doesn't give a shit abt them#theyre both doing fine in lor theyre just like we may have lost everything but at least we have eachother :) (mason wants to strangle them)
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currently subsisting on the pjo cast interviews and rereading tlt, in an attempt to prevent myself from watching the first 2 episodes again
#3 more days. just 3. i can do this#i love this cast sm you guys#i was watching their watchparty on tiktok and had to clamp my hand over my mouth so i wouldn't laugh too loudly#because it was like 12 am#i hope they're giving those kids some breaks tho#(im still including Aryan in the “kids” because yes)#i cannot wait y'all#percy jackson#walker scobell#leah sava jeffries#aryan simhadri#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo tv show#isoceratops
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sae itoshi fans i’m locking in
#erm…and to the people whose requests i still have to do…i will also be locking in for those#I PROMISE I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN YOU GUYS I LOVE EVERYONE WHO HAS REQUESTED AND APPRECIATE IT SM#m’s thoughts
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Here y'all, have this Chlamy I scribbled in my notes app instead of studying some hours ago :D
#i swear its coloring plays a huge role lmao (I mean don't they all xD)#still im kinda proud of this one :3#i actually love this lizord sm yall dunno#its just a cute lil guy imo#I wish to draw em a bit neater next time tho XD#for those who actually read the tags—#what (simple pls pls) cute/lil duel monster cud i try doodlin next (not while studying tho. hopefully)? tell me in any way ud like#anyway i have to sleep#arc v#(technically?)#predaplant chlamydosundew#predator plants chlamydosundew#yugioh#yugioh arc v#ygo tcg#01 does a doodle
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the whole notion of stealing hearts in p5 has provoked many thoughts in my mind for how funny this would be in other medias. example being thanos palace and pt taking very wary very confused avengers into the metaverse
#sorry im still a marvel brainrot girl at heart u guys#noooo i was literally re-reading an avengers fic on ao3 today that i love sm…yk one of those where they all live in the tower lmao…#fic in question was no medicine is strong enough by thechoicewasallmine#it is an ed fic tho so bear that in mind but it is so beautiful and encapsulates everything so well…i revisit it at least once a year#highly recommend !!!#ANYWAYS i have thought about marvel p5 au way too much.#like the avengers going in metaverse with pt with no personas initially ofc just their regular powers and skills. but then over the course#of it all they each unlock their persona…#peter would be first out of a desire to prove himself as more than just a ‘kid’ since tony just wants him to stay on the sidelines for a lot#of the fighting#i think his persona would be nareau bc yk. spider god. hehehehe so clever ik…#anyways. ye !#persona 5#marvel
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i just realised literally only one of my ocs has a good relationship with their mother
#i dunno why i love my mam so?#the worst in order are probably.#6) batty. where are its parents. does it have any (ser doesn't count.)#emotionally stunted sheepgirl voice : bruuuh ive only known you like 10 years and litteraly fought people to the death with you why do you#care#about my life sm 😒#5) caoimhe relationship was actually fine he left cus he was worried about infecting his family with cwd#4) ros. their mother simultaneously put way 2 much pressure on them and didn't care abt them at all. thats where they get those self#destructive tendencies#3)fern kind tied with iris cus idk. his mother abandoned him cus he was built weird#2)iris her parents where assholes to her! partially cus they were scared of her funky powerz but still. fuck those guys#1)frans. DO NOT ASK FRANS WHAT HAPPENED TO HER MOTHER JUST DONT JUST DONT DO THAT JUST DONT#the one who has a good relationship with her mam is nina. btw. maybe luna but i haven't got a good backstory 4 her yet
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I did it
I got out! Not everything is set up, but I packed my stuff and left. I'm gonna be off facebook because of my mother (and gmail security bs not letting me simply log in), but thankfully tumblr doesn't give whole security lock down cause I logged in from somewhere else.
#I'm still shaken up a little#it's the left over fears of her finding me or causing trouble despite the fact I went straight to the police#just to give them the heads up that i didn't run away or that i was kidnapped#because that would be the first thing my mother would pull#i'm 20 years old and i need a better place to be#thank you to those who gave me support and an ear to lend when i needed to you guys rock and i love you sm
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i love my friends sm 😣😣
#i love all the moments we had during hs#those dimb sandwiches me and my bsf ate during sophmore year 😭#the collective stress during ap testing and the sugh of relief when they ended#all the hang outs this year#all the stupid dances they did that made me laugh#the times i comforted them when they cried#let them tell me their deepest truths so they can be ok#guys i love them sm its not even a joke 😣😣😣#i know we're gonna hang outbafter but its still sad#cuz i love em 😭 i actually love em 😭😭
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9 of your favourite tv shows
tagged by @queer-cosette
tagging @thesamestarlight @2manyfandoms2count @omnishamblegreg and anyone else who wants a go
#banana speaks 🍌#tag game#only didn't include ml bc i'm not caught up yet#but wow this was hard! havent watched much of anything recently tbh except taskmaster#bc it doesn't require real thought lmao but its HILARIOUS#ditto for goes wrong show i love those guys sm#reign and the musketeers obvs take top spot bc MAN reign has had a chokehold on me for a decade#and the musketeers have had a similar hold on me since i discovered it#still mad that the musketeers fandom isn't as big as other bbc shows i love but it is what it is#and oh my GOD being human aaaaah#what a beautiful devastating heartbreaking show#I watched it on my phone the summer after i finished my a levels when my laptop died and#it was so painful but SO GOOD and ngl if i think ab mitchell for too long i'll cry#don't think i can handle a rewatch any time soon bc i'm still traumatised but its still a TOP TIER show
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I will never ever forget or forgive ppl for asking me if I was ever even a furry when they thought that my bf and I were breaking up. That shit was so fucked bc like???? Lmao like yea haha I totally created a fursona and spent hundreds of dollars in commissions in the last couple of years for pretend! It was all a facade! I was only pretending so my bf could like me more! You got me! Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahshahhahahahah🤪🤪🤪
#that shit was so fucked#so many ppl really revealed their tru colors when they thought things were over between us#like I’ve always had my suspicions before but to have them become real was…#also it’s been like idk so months since then like so much time has passed and only like 1 person actually reached out to see how I was doin#that shit sucks sm#like I kno I’m the bad guy in this situation and what I did was super fucked up but like…#idk if you were actually my friend and cared about me and loved me wouldn’t you have at least reached out to be like wtf#and like questioning me or like asking if I’m ok or like telling me what I did was wrong#or like actually telling me your cutting me off#in person or thru text or idk#anything!#anything would have been nice but it’s been radio silence since then#I have not spoken to anyone! except like 3 ppl. and we barely talk at all#but two of those ppl aren’t really a part of the one big group I’m referring to#idk it’s a little fucked#like if someone I loved and cared about did something horrible like idk#I would still talk to them! just to ask what they were thinking they led them to do what they did#bc I still care about them! and I want what’s best for them and idk I still love them#even if it’s unforgivable I would still like to hear why they did it at least#and then cut my ties afterwards if I decide to but i would let them kno#it’s just fucked up bc I didn’t even get any of that from anyone#and I feel like somehow that’s worse#idk it just really makes me not want to continue or even try to repair whatever relationship I had with everyone#I’m just so alone now and like#it’s just so so so depressing#like I really have no one#well I have some ppl but it’s like literally 3 and idk that’s ok but like I wish i had the other ppl I really really loved too#idk it’s hard to stay happy when I spend so much time alone now I miss driving late at night listening to music with friends so much#I do it alone now and I just breakdown#or I try to do it with someone else and it still makes me sad bc the ppl I loved doing it with are ppl I can’t do it with anymore
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#so like not to sound crazy or anything but victoria housekeeping co is so silly#little shy girlie with a CHAINSAW..#low energy shark girlie thats actually really good at fighting..#girlie who is a very good maid but cant cook!! and gives spooky vibes :o!#and THEN THE WOLF GUY. who was literally known as hyv's furry thirst trap long before the game even released 😭#anyw there are other things to be said abt ellen idk i picked whatever came to mind first but i actually.adore ellen sm<3#aND IM SO UPSET I HAVE EVERYONE EXCEPT LYCAON. STILL. like at this point imma have to drop 300 in standard for that man#like I HAVE RINA. AND ELLEN. AND BOTH OF THEIR W ENGINES. ELLENS IS X2. LIKE GIRLLLL COE ONNN#also finding out funny things abt them is wild. like rina drives carriages. sometimes ppl request that service from vh. girl huh#i thought ellen was so cute when we had to give her candy for her energy lvls 😭#also corin not understanding why ppl are afraid of chainsaws.. really shy but wanting to do well.. shes great i love her#and then the wolf man with a mysterious past. his nemesis is a fucking vampire. like actually. bro 💀#anyway i wonder if we'll ever get to flesh out those character stories either in main later or in new additions to the prev stories :o#44597#omg random tmi but vhc also has 2 of the fastest charas (up to ellens release) ellen and lycaonn
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went out w friends today super duper fun i'm really happy but anyway just on here to say it's my break now so i'll be a bit more active i hope, it's my bday soon too, and i got asked my gender today which was p cool 😙🥺💗✨
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i miss it here but real life has been so fun again that i'm just. really happy JEGQKDJS#LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS SM u guys here and those irl and elsewhere online and yes <333#it's crazy tbh i went to a mall today w my friends in class as a yk gala but also in advance for my bday ... they r all so nice i love them#they kept hyping me up and idk it's a small thing but i love how observant they r SNIFFS maybe i'm just not used to it all so it means a lot#but either way it means so much fr. AND THEN OK the weekend after this one i'm watching a movie w my other grp of friends from arti's class#hehe 2nd time hanging out w em but we'll be more complete this time around <3 !!! and thennn at school i hang out w a variety of friends at#diff times and then online i've been connecting in diff ways w my closest friends online too and even randomly here yk and then yeah it all#just makes me vv happy that for the first time in... what. 6 years. i've been truly myself w interacting w others#BCS YES i am shy introverted quiet BUT ALSO the complete opposite but in a nice way. best of both worlds fr.#idk IEHSJDJS JUST REALLY HAPPY I'M 'BACK' to who i kind of rlly am but either way i am Me#sniffs..... okay but i'm not gna get emotional rn LOL#it's not rlly break yet until sat tbh which is my bday :P we're just staying home for the rest of the week but there's still school#i was worried at 1st i rmbr i wouldn't like my class but i had my thoughts and ideas which were good#and BOOM they actually did come true. it's amazing. oh my god.#also bad moments have come n gone but i've been dealing w them healthily and generally always trying to be as best as i can be healthily#DAMN. i'm thriving. but even if things go sour i know it'll go through and yeah. amazing#so tldr touching grass is rlly good and loving urself lmfao#the thing is i admittedly have always loved myself so. good for me! genuinely i have always and knew for a very long know i always will love#myself :] rlly nice to have that stability but ig it stems too from a very ahaha childhood WHWHJD i've fastforwarded growing up mentally#it's p sad but ig i wouldn't have it any other way since who i am is who i am. so. yeah.#YEEHAW OKAY GN !!! i shut up now hehehe#i miss writing... ye gods
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