#still don't wanna see all my babies cry but i see the potential for the actual drama to not be that bad

[wintersoldiersoul]

Bucky x pregnant reader

Bucky started working from home and everything was great! You spend time together and made plans for Baby coming along but the longer Bucky stayed at home the more he hid himself away in his office working, and one day as your hormones kick in, you're feeling very emotional and just wanting cuddles from him, so you go to his office and ask him about coming to bed and cuddling and he just says he's busy he will be there soon and you say that he's been working all day and you haven't seen him and he ends up snapping at you and it makes you cry and you tell him that you don't want to see him for the rest of the night and storm away, after a while bucky can't concentrate on work because he made you cry and he comes to find you and when he finds you aren't in your shared bedroom he panics thinking you left him and he shouts and runs around the full house only to find you curled up sleeping on the bed in your baby's room and he carries you to bed and apologises and tells stark that he won't be working anymore until the baby is here and settled

I wanna carry his children so fucking bad. What who said that?

The day that you told Bucky you were pregnant was the best day of his life. He couldn’t believe that you, the love of his life, was carrying his child. You were going to make him a father, something he thought he’d never get to be. You were terrified to tell him, as the pregnancy wasn’t planned but the second he burst out in a wide grin, you cried. You were hoping that Bucky would be on the same page as you in terms of keeping it.

Within an hour, he had called Tony and asked for permission to work from home for the duration of your pregnancy. He wanted to keep an eye on you 24/7, especially since you were carrying his super soldier baby. He treated you like precious cargo, bringing you everything you wanted, carrying you when you complained about your feet hurting, and constantly giving you stomach and back rubs.

The two of you were in a state of complete bliss, setting up the nursery, picking out potential names, and going on shopping sprees for your future child. Bucky sobbed when you found out you were having a girl. He couldn’t believe it. “I hope she looks just like her mother,” he said, smiling.

You would often wake up in the morning finding Bucky’s lips pressed against your stomach, whispering to your unborn child. “Your mama is so pretty, you know. So kind, too. And oh my god, is she smart,” he would say, not realizing you were yet awake. “You’re so lucky because you have the best mom in the world.”

“Your daddy isn’t too bad either,” you said, announcing your presence. “I hope you have his eyes.” He smiled, moving up to kiss you gently.

Unfortunately, even though he was working from home and not going on missions, Bucky still had to work. He was tasked with a lot of research before the other team members would go out onto the field. He had to do all of the mission reports and put together briefings. And as luck would have it, 8 months into your pregnancy, the team was facing a big threat.

Bucky began to spend hours and hours in his office every day. He was trying to get it done as fast as possible but there was so much ground to cover. You could sense how stressed he was and you didn’t wanna bother him but you missed him dearly. And you were getting to the point where your bump was so big that you couldn’t even put on shoes yourself. You needed him. 

One night, you reached a point where your body was just begging for his touch. Not even sexually, though your hormones wouldn’t protest it, but you just needed him to cuddle you. You missed him whispering to your stomach, something that he didn’t even have the time to do anymore. You still hadn’t decided on a name for your daughter and you didn’t wanna stress him out but you missed sitting and talking for hours about all of the things you would do as a little family. The bottom line was that you were pregnant and you needed him. He could take a little break, right? You walked - more like waddled - to his office and knocked on the door. “Come in,” he called. You stepped inside and he looked at you, smiling. There you were, his beautiful girlfriend, stuffed full of his baby wearing one of his shirts. He looked so tired, dark circles hanging under his eyes. “How are my girls doing?” he asked, placing a kiss on your stomach. Even the small display of affection made you grin. You needed to be in his arms more than you’d ever needed anything.

“We miss you,” you pouted.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry, beautiful. This mission is really kicking my ass and I’m not even going on it.” You felt so bad for how much stress he was under. He hadn't really relaxed in weeks and you had no idea when the last time he got more than 4 hours of sleep was. 

“Take a break, Buck. Please. I’m all hormonal and my back hurts and I just wanna be held by you.”

He looked at you with a sad expression. “I-I can’t. The team leaves in a couple days and I’m still trying to find out everything that I can about these guys.” 

“Please? Carrying your damn super-soldier daughter is making me feel all kinds of things. I just really need to cuddle for a little. I’ve been trying so hard to not bother you but I really need you to hold me right now, Buck.”

“Y/N,” he breathed, getting agitated.

“10 minutes,” you begged. You hated interrupting him but you had been so patient for so long. You just needed him right now. 

“I said I can’t!” he snapped, voice raised. “What don’t you get about that?” 

Your eyes welled with tears. “Oh,” you whispered quietly. “Well don’t worry about it cause I don’t wanna see you for the rest of the night anyway!” You walked out of the room as quickly as you could, slamming the door behind you. 

The second the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He didn’t mean to snap at you, he was just so incredibly tired. He was trying his best to finish all of his work so that he could go back to giving you all the love and attention that you wanted 24/7. He missed you so much, too. 

It took everything in him to not chase after you when you walked out the door. He wanted to hold you, to apologize, but he couldn’t. The sooner he finished this, the sooner he could just go back to loving you.

You started crying harder as soon as you left the room. Deep down, you knew he was so exhausted and stressed. You knew he didn’t mean to snap at you and that he probably felt awful about it. But your hormones were so intense that you couldn’t help the crying. You just wanted him. Your whole body was so tired from carrying a growing human inside of you and all you needed was for Bucky to make you feel better. But he couldn’t even do that. 

You went into the nursery, looking around at all the progress you had made. What had started as a blank room with no purpose was now full of life and love. This was the room that you were going to raise your daughter in.

Rubbing over your bump, you sat down on the floor. You felt a kick as you settled, something that had been happening frequently but a feeling that would never stop amazing you. “It’s okay, baby girl,” you said to your stomach, wondering if she could somehow sense your distress. “Mama just misses your Daddy right now,” you sniffled.

You were so tired. Growing a human, while something your body was meant to do, was fucking hard. You hadn’t been sleeping well the past few nights either, pains in your back preventing you from getting comfortable. You let your body relax, eventually curling up on the floor and closing your eyes, surrounded by the decorations that your daughter would hopefully love.

Bucky tried his hardest to go back to work, but it was impossible. He couldn’t believe he had made you cry. “Piece of shit,” he mumbled to himself. 

You were his entire world. You and the little baby in your stomach. His girls were so much more important than any job he could ever have. With a sigh he pushed himself out of his chair, desperate to wrap his arms around you.

“Baby, I am so so sorry,” he said walking into your bedroom. But he was met with an empty bed. He walked back out into the living room, wondering if he had somehow missed you on his way from the office. “Honey?” he called out when he still couldn’t find you. “Y/N?”

When he got no answer, he started to panic. You had left him. Packed your bags and gone somewhere else. You never wanted to see him again and you would never let him meet his daughter. He was a fuck-up and had burned everything to the ground. “Oh god,” he whispered to himself, trying to not fully break down. The exhaustion was getting to him. He couldn’t even think straight.

In a panic, he ran to the nursery, hoping that you hadn’t left it completely bare. He creaked open the door, expecting the worst. The lack of sleep was making him extremely paranoid. That’s when he saw your sleeping frame curled up on the floor. “Oh thank fucking god,” he breathed with relief. He sat down next to you, wrapping his arms around you from behind and rubbing your stomach. 

“Bucky?” You said after a minute, waking up.

“I’m here, honey. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I should have just gone to you when you needed me, I just-”

“You’re here now. That’s what matters,” you hummed, just happy to be in his arms.

“I’m done with this,” he affirmed. “I’m telling Stark I’m not working anymore til the baby comes. And for a while after that. He can dock my pay if he wants, we’re fine without it.”

“Buck, you don’t have to do that. I just really missed you.”

“I’m doing it. I miss my girls. More than anything.”

More tears fell from your eyes, but they were laced with happiness and love. “Thank you.”

“Let’s get you into bed, Sugar.” With ease, he lifted you up, not even phased by the weight of the human you were carrying. He set you down and tucked you in before changing into pajamas and sliding in next to you. “I love you so much. I can’t wait for our little girl to get here. I’m so sorry again. God, I just can’t express how much I love you.”

“I love you, too.” As you said the words, the baby kicked again, happy to have her parents reconciled. 

Bucky bent down and peppered kisses all over your stomach. “Come soon, Princess. We can’t wait to meet you.”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Unexpected 51

Warnings: non/dubcon, pregnancy, pegging, Lloyd being the worst, post partum, csection, suicidial ideation, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

Trapped in another holding pattern. That's all that life seems to be. Phases. Dull and prolonged. Waiting but for what?

Your days aren't much different than before Lloyd's return. He may as well have stayed gone. For you, he's not there. He's nothing. He doesn't deserve to be anything to you.

Your routine once more stagnates; sleep and feedings and some crying. Between it all, you see Harlan or Dottie, sometimes both. Your mother-in-law has grown quiet, even evasive, since her son came back. You know why but you won't argue with her or her precious Marion.

You get your walks in, looking forward to the escape from the suffocating walls. Andy passes you often, waving or saying hi. He doesn't try to talk again, not with your father around. They barely acknowledge each other. You ignore his texts. You're still trying to figure it all out.

When you're at home, Harlan holds Luna as you catch up on your reality TV. You whisper back and forth about your most hated personalities. It can never be what it once was, or what you wished it could be, but it's manageable.

That day, Harlan and Dottie go into town to do some shopping. You haven't seen Lloyd but you don't mourn his absence. Not like before.

You have Luna downstairs in her rolling bassinet. She's fully fed and sleepy. You might do some cooking. You're finally feeling up to it.

You shiver and watch your daughter dozing peacefully. Why is it so cold in here? You hug yourself and notice the draft freezing in from the kitchen. You find one of the french doors slightly open and push it shut. You can guess who did it. You should lock him out but you'd rather not provoke a confrontation.

You go back to the front room. Something feels off. You don't know. Maybe it's just the empty house. You check the thermostat then the bassinet. Luna is tucked against the side. She must feel it too.

You make sure the wheels are locked before you flit out to grab a quilt from the nursery. You pant as you get to the top of the stairs. Whew, you still got work to do before you're anywhere close to back to normal.

You snatch the sewn pink blanket and come back down, catching your breath as you sweep through the doorway.

“Lulu,” you say quietly, “gonna swaddle you up–”

You notice the angle of the bassinet. It's not how you left it, almost parallel to the sofa instead. You rush over and nearly scream as the bottom stares back at you empty.

You drop the quilt and spin, searching for any sign of the culprit. You storm back into the foyer and stomp a foot.

“Lloyd!” You bellow, not caring if you wake the babe, “where the fuck are you? Give me my baby!”

Nothing. Just the echo of your anger. You snarl and holler again. Louder.

“LLOYD! I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND!”

You stride forward and go down the hall. Not in the kitchen. Nope, not in the dining room either. You go through the first floor, yelling, then ascend the stairs again. There's no way he could've snuck her up there.

“You motherfucker. Lloyd!” You stop at the top, “it's not fucking funny.”

“Jesus Christ!” You hear a door swing open, then another as he comes out of his bedroom, “what is it now? Wanna call me more names? Push me around?”

He has a towel clutched around his waist as his feet slap on the floor. He glistens, his hair slick and dripping the noise of the shower still buzzing. You gulp and your heart drops.

“Lloyd, give her back.”

“What?”

“Don't. Give me Luna.”

“Luna–” he grimaces, “what the fuck? You serious? You won't let me see her and now– wait, where is she?”

You stand silent in horror. He's a loar to the bone but dammit, he's convincing.

“You took her. I know… I went to get her a blanket and you…”

“I've been in the shower for twenty minutes, sweetheart,” he sneers, “I… she's… gone?”

You croak. It's all you can do. You spin and hurtle back downstairs. You near the bassinet again and squeal. Gripping the sides as panic floods your chest.

“She's gone! Lloyd! My baby! Where is she?!”

You hear him come downstairs and his footsteps rush across the floor, searching everywhere you did. He appears from the kitchen, barely hanging onto his towel. You look at him as he stares at you palely.

“The back door was unlocked.”

“I know, I thought you were out there–”

“Peaches,” he utters as his eyes dilate, “call the police.”

🍑

You're still sobbing as the red and blue flash on the other side of the window. You told the story a dozen times over. It's 2am and you haven't seen Luna in thirteen hours. You feel her absence heavy in your chest.

Your baby. You failed her. She's gone and it's all your fault.

Why didn't you just take her upstairs? Why did you want to cook? Why weren't you watching her? Why didn't you lock the goddamn door?

“Honey,” Harlan clinks down a mug and his weight dips beside you on the couch, “they'll find her. She can't have gone far.”

“No, no, no,” you bawl, head throbbing, “someone took her. Someone– it's all my fault–”

“Shhh, shhh, it's alright. It'll be alright. She got everyone lookin’, they'll find her.”

“I fucked up!” You fold over your lap, “I was selfish--c-c-carlessssss.”

He hushes you again and rubs your back. You can hear the police milling around outside, a few inside still investigating every nook and cranny.

“Ma'am,” an officer approaches, “we're doing what we can but these things can take a while. You know, we got a few volunteers from the neighborhood too and some statements–”

“I don't care! I want my daughter back,” you snap.

“Sorry, officer, she's just…scared,” Harlan slings his arm over your shoulders.

“Understood,” the officer says, “we're doing all we can.”

You sniffle and bury your face in your palms. This can't be real. It is and it's all on you. You wished so many times that Luna would just go away, you didn't want her, you remember that, and now that wish came true. You are a monster.

“Breathe,” Harlan coos as your breath turns shallow and suffocating, “honey, please, you needa–”

“Let me look!” You sit up, so dizzy you nearly keel over, “I wanna look for her.”

“Dear, you already did. You needa rest.”

“No, no!” You shove him away and stand, slippers slapping as you stomp around the couch, “she's my baby, I can find her! I know I will.”

“You won't help. Lloyd's already out there–” Harlan calls after you as he follows.

You hurry through the entryway and burst out the front door. You hear your father swearing as he scrambles for his shoes. The snow crunches under your thin soles as you jog past the cruisers and the uniformed figures.

You turn down the street without a thought. The streetlights flash over you, yellow, then darkness, yellow, dark…. You don't know where you're going. Maybe you want to disappear too.

You hear Harlan calling your name but he's getting further away, not closer. You slow down and cough, lungs burning. You lean on a fence post and bend to collect yourself.

“What are you doing out here?” A drawl brings you straight up.

You squint. You think it's Lloyd at first, you haven't seen him since the police got there. Andy steps into the soft hue of the lightpole.

“I… what are you doing?” You throw the question back at Andy.

“I'm a volunteer firefighter. Heard there was a missing baby so I've been helping. I'm sorry to hear about Luna. I don't know who would do this.”

You shake your head and snivel, “I don't know.”

“I know what it's like to lose a child but… I think… she's out there. It'll be okay. You'll see her again, I know it.”

“I hope,” your voice cracks and wipes your eyes as your grief spills anew, “I should go back.”

He says nothing. You back away and turn, dragging your feet down the pavement. You see the sirens lit up and the distant beans of flashlights. Suddenly, you're caught around the neck, a hand smothering your mouth.

“Do you wanna see her?” Andy whispers as you kick out, “Luna needs her mommy…” he wrestles you out of the cone of light and behind the fence, “so do I.”

You thrash, clawing at his sleeve. Your slippers fly off in your struggle as he squeezes tighter. No, it can't be him.

You were wrong. Again.

[i-cant-sing]

Everyone asking about the Royal Gay au meanwhile I'm just gremlining in the corner waiting for anything related to Re8:TRP bc I don wanna ask about it and potentially annoy you

Hmm, okay I've got a particular scenario in my mind:

Okay, imagine post re8, when Ethan forgot about saving reader, died, then came back to life with realisation that he forgot about you, so he "saves" you but you're too pissed at him (rightfully) and tell him that as soon you get out of the village, you're moving out because you can't be around him and Mia since Rose will always be a priority for them and you can't risk losing more of your sanity and self respect.

To which Ethan says "Oh... request denied😃" and then proceeds to kidnap you and take you home, where Mia has started to realise how important you are to the smooth functioning of this dysfunctional family and agrees with Ethan about keeping you locked up in your room.

They both think that you're just acting this way because you're "a little jealous" of the attention they've been giving to Rose. And you're being "totally unreasonable" because Rose is a baby, she needs them more than you do.

It never even occurs to them that you hate them because of all the abuse they've subjected you to all these years.

They don't understand why you're being so rebellious right now? Throwing away the food they cook for you, refusing to eat anything, screaming at them to let you go, trying to break the chains around your feet.

When will this "phase" of yours end?

Mia thinks it'd be rather better if they gave you silent treatment and ignored you and your basic human needs- yeah, that'll teach you to not bite the hand that feeds you.

Ethan on the other hand, doesn't agree with that (mostly because he's incapable of ignoring you now that he's become a yandere). He thinks you just need to remember all the good times. So he goes to the store to look through some very old boxes to find your old journals. He remembers seeing you writing in them as a kid, and if memory serves him right, you still used to write in them.

Pulling out the dusty old box with your name on it, he picked out a journal and began flipping through them.

-

Hours later, Mia entered the house, only to find Ethan in the store room, absolutely bawling his eyes out.

"Ethan? Hun? What's wrong? Is Rose okay?" Mia asked, immeadiately crouching down to hold him.

Ethan just hugged hia wife, crying into her shoulder. "S-she hates us, Mia."

"What?"

"She hates us! Y/n hates us!" Ethan cried out, pointing at all the journals. Picking one up, Mia began reading them.

I hate mom. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her-

The words continued for several pages, before moving onto Ethan.

Dad- I never thought I'd hate him, but I hate him even more than mom. How could he- how could he ignore my croes for help? Am I that unimportant to them? Or just unlovable?

I hate dad, I hate him so much.

I wish he was dead. Wish they were both dead.

Mia's mouth fell open, completely in disbelief that you would say something like that. And more than one time. In fact, several of your notebooks were just filled with words of hatred for your parents.

Ethan went out for a walk, telling Mia he just cant be around all of this right now, asking her to get rid of all the journals for him. Mia just nods, her mind somewhere else.

-

While Ethan is taking a walk in the park, wondering how to change your mind about him and Mia, his wife has decided to take a different strategy to make you regret those words.

Currently, your head is being held under water as Mia flushed the toilet bowl once again.

You gasped for her air as she yanked your head up again. "You un-fucking-grateful brat! How fucking dare you wish death upon your own parents?! I'm gonna make you wish you were dead-!" She screamed as she pushed your head back in the water.

"MIA!" Ethan yelled, pulling his wife off you, as you came up, coughing up the water that got in your lungs. "What the fuck?!"

-

You're wrapped up in a towel, sitting in your room, a chain still around your foot, as you hear Ethan and Mia arguing downstairs.

Arguing over their "parental strategies" for you.

Arguing over you.

You smiled a little. You never imagined they'd ever take the time to argue or even talk about you.

And all it took was your sanity.

I just know this how they be arguing:

Mia: What the hell, Ethan?! You said you wanted to try the "good cop. Bad cop."thing!

Ethan:

Mia:

Ethan:

Mia:

Ethan: YEAH! "GOOD COP- BAD COP" NOT "GOOD COP-HOMICIDAL COP" MIA!

Mia, voice breaking because no.1 manipulator: wow, I can't believe you're saying I'm the "bad cop". Is that what you think of me?

[missnxthingg]

Just for Tonight | Xavier Thorpe

Summary: Xavier Thorpe might not be best friends with (Y/N), but when he sees her crying at the Rave'N, he couldn't help it but go talk to her

A/N: So might obsession with Xavier Thorpe and Wednesday might've gone too far. So this is my fanfic comeback - in another fandom. I still don't have a taglist for Xavier, but let me know if you want to be tagged in future potential fics. OH, AND PLEASE SEND ME REQUESTS FOR HIM! I wanna write, but I don't have inspos right now. (EDIT: If it wasn't explicit enough, I DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO REPOST MY STORIES ON ANY OTHER ACCOUNTS. If you wanna read my stories on Wattpad, you can follow me there [@missnxthingg])

Words: 2.5K

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Female!Reader

Warnings: Not proof read, so there might be some typos. I think there might be a few cursings. But other than that, just a little bit of enemies to lovers that we're all found of

main masterlist | main blog | taglist

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Xavier Thorpe hated (Y/N) (Y/L/N). That wasn't news to anyone in Nevermore. He hated how smart she was and how she seemed to be friends with everyone around her. He got easily annoyed with her mere presence in the room. But tonight, something different sparkled inside him when he saw her leaving the room crying.

She had been excited for the Rave'N since they announced a date. She got even more excited when Harry McGowan invited her as his date. Enid dragged her and Wednesday for a shopping spree, where she found a beautiful baby blue dress. Everything was perfect, until Harry dumped her right after they arrived at the dance for one of Yoko's vampire friends.

(Y/N)'s golden and happy aura dissipated immediately after those words came out of Harry's mouth. She ran out of the room with tears in her eyes. She just didn't count that Xavier Thorpe was sitting alone at a table, watching the whole thing unfold in front of his eyes. 

After a huge fight with his father, he decided he wasn't in the mood to invite someone to the dance as a date. Actually, he was only sitting there because Ajax would kill him if he didn't tag along. But when his best friend got occupied with his own date, Xavier was left sipping on virgin punch, that tasted more like cough syrup, on the dining table

So when (Y/N) ran across the room, something clicked inside Xavier's head. His chest got heavy and he immediately shot up from his seat and ran after her. She was crying alone in the corner, sitting on the floor close to the toilets.

He ducked in front of her, who now had her face between her knees, shielding it from anyone else to see her crying. But Xavier let a hand fly to her shoulder, making (Y/N) look up.

"Hey, are you okay?" His voice sounded softer than any of the other times he talked to her. Anyone could hear how worried Xavier was at that moment. (Y/N) looked up and found his piercing green eyes observing her with attention.

"No." She admitted, crying a little bit harder. "But I don't think you would like to hear about it. You can't stand me, after all."

"Come on, you're crying. I would never, ever, walk away from you like this." He said. "And I don't hate you, even if you don't believe it. Maybe you could try pretending I'm a friend to you."

(Y/N) stayed silent, looking at his face to decide what to do, until she nodded "Harry McGowan ditched me for one of Yoko's friends. Said she was hotter and that he didn't want to be my date anymore."

"What a fucking asshole, I'm gonna beat the shit out of him." Xavier's jaw clenched and he quickly shot up to go talk to Harry. But (Y/N) ran after him and held him by the elbow.

"No, Xavier! Please, it would be worse to end the night at Weems' office talking about what happened." She said and his eyes softened when he saw that she was crying harder now. (Y/N)'s eyeliner was smudged, almost ruining the soft, but pretty, makeup she was wearing.

"Do you have eyeliner with you?" He asked and she nodded, pointing to her purse. "Okay, let's go find a restroom."

Fortunately, the men's restroom was empty. Xavier took her by the hand and helped her sit on the sink to get a better vision of her face. He took a few paper wipes and started planning what he would do next.

"What are you doing?" She asked and he shushed her.

"Taking care of you." He said. "No pretty girl deserves to cry at the Rave'N."

"Suddenly I'm a pretty girl to you?" She asked. "You literally shouted how annoying I am for the whole school to hear countless of times. And now you're taking care of me?"

"I don't know, (Y/N)." He said, taking the paper to clean the smudge makeup spots on her face. "I saw you crying and I couldn't take it. I needed to see if you were okay."

(Y/N) could see how honest he was from up close. Xavier was concentrated on his job, fixing the makeup like the very detailed artist he is. So she simply decided to believe his words and let him do his job.

"You shouldn't cry, though. Harry's an idiot for thinking anyone else looks prettier than you tonight." He said. "He's just wrong."

"You think so?"

"Are you kidding me? Look at you." Xavier laughed. His pretty dimples showed on his face, making (Y/N) smile. "You look amazing, (Y/N)."

"Thank you." She said. 

Now Xavier had her pen eyeliner in hands and asked her to close her eyes. Doing this was easier than he thought it would be. It's like paiting details on a canvas. Soon he was done and (Y/N) was back to how she looked when she first crossed the entrance.

"Where's your date?" 

"Didn't invited anyone." He admitted. "I'm having a few problems with my dad and I wasn't in the mood for partying. Ajax dragged me here tonight."

"I'm so sorry." (Y/N) rested a hand on his shoulder and smiled sadly. "I'm here if you wanna talk."

"It's stupid. We're always arguing about his absence in my life. But he doesn't agree with me because he believes money is enough." (Y/N) saw his eyes brimming with tears and didn't hesitate in pulling him into a hug. Xavier was surprised at first, but easily melted into her touch.

"I think both of us needed this tonight." She whispered in his ear.

"I think we did." He replied, holding her a little tighter, afraid she would let go too soon. Xavier didn't know he needed someone to be there for him until that moment.

It's been a while since anyone hugged him. It felt so warm and nice, especially coming from (Y/N). So he rested his head above hers and sighed, trying to not fall into a heavier cry. This wasn't about him. He was there to comfort her.

"I'm sorry." He started, his head still comfortably resting above hers. "For being a dick with you all the time. You're not a bad person."

"It's okay, I was an idiot too." She said back, still holding him close to her. "You're not bad, either. Actually, I have to say thank you for comforting me tonight."

"It was nothing." He giggled during his crying. "No one deserves to miss the dance because of some stupid boy." 

"Then dance with me." She leaned back and looked him in the eyes. (Y/N) wiped the tears from Xavier's face, making him smile. And so, he offered his hand to help her off the restroom's sink.

"It will be my pleasure." He pulled her back to the room where everyone was having a good time. 

Of course, the duo walking into the room together brought a lot of attention to them. Most people were surprised to see them holding hands, not choking each other's throats. Xavier and (Y/N) danced to a lot of upbeat songs and some good classics through the night, making everything they went through that night disappear. But when a slow song started, things changed.

"I don't know how to slow dance." She admitted and Xavier's eyes softened.

"I'll teach you." He pulled her in, one hand resting on her hip and the other one holding hers. (Y/N) left her free hand on his shoulder, but still was very far away from him. "Come on, I don't bite."

Feeling her cheeks heat up, (Y/N) took a step forward and got closer to Xavier. He pulled her even closer a few seconds later, making it perfectly intimate.

"This is good." He whispered. "Now we just sway to the song. There's no secret recipe to slow dance.

"Okay." She smiled at him and started following his steps to the song. Xavier never felt so relaxed in his life and he didn't know why.

But when (Y/N) rested her face on his chest, he knew why he felt so relaxed. He was with her, after all. And suddenly, all the months filled with hatred and fights became clear to him: he only got annoyed because he liked her. Now that they let their guards down, it was easy to see it.

And oh, he was so close. Xavier could just lean down and kiss her right there. But he couldn't. He didn't want their kiss to be judged by everyone watching around. Not to mention that (Y/N) looked so peaceful with her eyes closed, swaying her body to the music.

"I thought my night was ruined, but you really turned it around, Xavi."

"Xavi?" He asked, a little surprised by the way she called him.

"It's a nickname, don't you like it?" She asked and he smiled.

"I do." He said. "It's just, I'm not used to it. But it's a cute nickname."

"Like the owner." She smiled up to him and Xavier could swear he would die right there. He just wanted to kiss her, but he didn't want to do it in a crowded room.

"Can I take you somewhere?"

She frowned in confusion, but trusted him to take her somewhere private. And they walked for a few minutes until reaching a small shed in the woods. (Y/N) knew it was his private art studio, but she had never stepped inside. It was like walking into Xavier's mind, one of the most different experiences in her life. They had their hands linked together, fingers laced and everything. He searched for some reaction on her face.

"This is my studio." He said. "I think that if we are being vulnerable tonight, this is the place where I am vulnerable all the time."

"Everything in here is amazing." She took a good look at some of his sketches pinned on the wall, admiring most of them.

"I have a drawing of you." He admitted. "Bigger than I'd like to admit."

Xavier uncovered a canvas and showed (Y/N) a big painting of her, focusing on her book at the library and scrunching her nose in concentration. He smiled to remember the day he sketched that, another bad afternoon she turned around just by existing.

"I was so fucking sad that day. I was pissed and wanted to be alone. But of course, my Miss Perfect was at the library." He said. "But you were just so concentrated in your book, looking beautiful as hell, and didn't even notice me in the room. So I just started drawing you in silence and it made me feel better."

"I look so beautiful in this one."

"You always do. I think that's your superpower." He giggled. "And it's my favorite painting here. I love everything about it."

"I think it just became my favorite too." She said with a big smile. "You never really hated me, did you?"

"I think it was just me failing on how to express my feelings." He said. "My communication only works through art."

"Well, if you're gonna continue drawing me, then you'll have to stop with the stupid fights over nothing." She poked his chest, teasing him with a pretty smirk.

"Never again, promise you." He extended his pinky and she took it with her own finger. "Thank you for the company tonight."

"No, thank you for consoling me tonight." (Y/N) said. "I really needed someone to take care of me at that moment and I'm glad it was you."

"Yeah, I'm glad too." He smiled. "You know, when I saw you crying, I just couldn't take it. I wanted to take care of you."

"You did, Xavi." She held his face between her hands and he glued his forehead to hers. "And I'll always remember this as the night you were there for me."

Xavier was paralyzed by her gaze, so he didn't talk for a few seconds until he said: "I really want to kiss you right now."

(Y/N) replied by pressing her lips to his in a gentle kiss. Xavier was mesmerized by how she tasted in his mouth, but easily grew fond of that new feeling. So he deepened the kiss by tugging her on the waist and pulling her closer to him. She parted her lips and he easily captured her tongue in a bolder move. She smiled into the kiss, but didn't stop it for a second. But after a long time slowly making out in the quiet night, Xavier had to pull away.

"God, you're so beautiful." He put a stray of her hair behind her ear and smiled wider.

"You said that like three times tonight."

"Just can't help myself." He joked, making her laugh. "Especially when you're out there serving looks in this amazing dress."

"Well, you're not far behind." (Y/N) fixed the bow he wrapped around his neck to substitute the usual tie. Xavier got to see every detail from her face by looking at her so close to him.

"Come on, I'll walk you back to your dorm." He extended a hand to her and she whined, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. 

"Don't want tonight to end." She whispered and he hugged her tightly. "Can we stay here?"

"You have to sleep, beautiful." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "And I'll be here tomorrow. We can have breakfast together and we can hang around here. What do you think?"

"I think that would be great."

He captured her lips in one last kiss and softly dragged her out of the shed. Most students were getting back from the party at that time. Xavier and (Y/N) took their time on the walk back, arms linked and casual conversation making everything nicer. 

When they got back to Ophelia Hall, Xavier was glad Thornhill was still at the party. So he got to take (Y/N) up to her room, where they shared a few more goodbye kisses when no one was around. 

"Thank you for everything tonight." She fixed the collar of his shirt and smiled. "When everything turned to shit, you made it all perfect again."

"I had an amazing time with you." He admitted. "I'm glad we get to be friends after everything we went through."

"I think we skipped a few steps on this new friendship." She laughed and he tagged along before pecking her lips again.

"Don't really care right now." He said. "We can be friends that kiss each other."

"I can take it." She kissed him again until they heard someone coming in the hall.

"Hey, good night, beautiful." He kissed her forehead and smiled down at her. "I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast.

"Good night, Xavi." She returned his gesture with a kiss on the cheek. "Sleep tight."

"I'll be thinking of you." He shouted from the end of the hall, making (Y/N) giggled.

"Me too." She shouted back before entering her room again.

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

⋙ADD YOURSELF TO THE TAGLIST!⋘

[marinerainbow]

Ok, listen. I know that there is so much potential for angst in the royal koopa family, and I love what people have done with them! Bowser favoring his only blood son and spurring resentment within the Koopalings. Ludwig and Junior having a rivalry- especially in regards to the throne. All the kids feel neglected because of their dad's emotional blockage and him focusing on taking over the world instead of family, etc. I truly love what people can do with all this royal drama and angst potential!! I want to write novelizations of some of your guys' adaptations of the koopalings + Junior and Bowser!!!

(Long post that's a positive rant incoming/my headcannons of the Koopa Royal Family incoming)

... but after watching the Mario movie, seeing the old Nintendo Power comics, and getting back into Mario, I caN'T HEADCANNON BOWSER BEING A BAD DAD OR THE KOOPA KIDS BEING MISERABLE WITH HIM! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THE SAME GUY WHO ANNOUNCED TO HIS WHOLE KOOPA ARMY THAT HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO PEACH, THE SAME GUY WHO WROTE A WHOLE ASS LOVE SONG FOR THE PRINCESS, THE SAME GUY WHO PLAYED GOLF WITH MARIO, WOULDN'T SET HIS WHOLE KINGDOM ON FIRE FOR ALL OF HIS BABIES!?!?

Don't get me wrong, he definitely has anger issues, and I believe in MatPats Bowser's backstory theory. I'm certain there have been plenty of instances he messed up as a dad. And having a bunch of kids, sometimes some of them slip his attention- at least the first year or so when he first had them and was learning how to Dad. But I'm telling ya'll, if my Bowser ever heard any one of his kids, from his eldest Ludwig or his only darling daughter Wendy or his baby son Junior, were feeling any sort of bad, he'd be like "Oh Hell no!" And take that child out one-on-one and give them lots of love, lots of assurance, and set fire to any fool who tried to tell him that they aren't really his kid.

One time, Bowser got so mad and roared within Lemmy's presence and made the baby boy cry. To this day, after he's long made up for it, Bowser still feels so guilty and heartbroken that he did that and has vowed himself to never let himself get that angry around his kids again... Unless when it came to Mario because they know in that instance, his fury isn't directed at them.

THIS IS THE SAME GUY WHO, EVEN THOUGH BOWSER JUNIOR DISOBEYED THE SCREEN TIME ALERT IN THAT NINTENDO SWITCH PARENTAL CONTROLS VIDEO, HE HESITATED TO SHUT OFF THE CONSOLE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT HIS SON DEVASTATED!!! And- And we see in Bowsers head, he imagined Junior to be sad and heartbroken! Junior is still a baby, and he's a little spoiled, so more than likely, he would have thrown a tantrum if Bowser had switched the console off. But BOWSER DIDN'T HESITATE NOT BECAUSE OF THE HEADACHE A TANTRUM WOULD CAUSE, BUT BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO BREAK HIS SONS HEART! I CAN'T EVEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I'll take it this far; you guys wanna know what my headcannon on who is Bowsers' successor? Well, in my headcannon, when he adopted the koopalings and had Junior, he knew it was going to be an issue. And he loved ALL of his kids so much, he didn't want to have to choose between any of them! The rest would hate him and the chosen one! All of his babies would start fighting! So what is a koopa king to do? 🤔🤔🤔 well, as we see in Super Mario Wii and in Super Mario Bros 3, he lets his kids run the world's he takes over! They all have their individual world/kingdom to rule!!! He makes sure that A L L of his kids get to be kings and a queen! Until Mario ruins it all saves the day. If Bowser had his way, the whole world would really be family run instead of just Bowser run.

Again, I must emphasize how much I absolutely ADORE everyone else's depictions of the royal koopa family. One of my favorites is Tyrranux's dark Mario AU that I found on Deviantart years ago, and one of my favorite blogs for the koopalings asktehkoopz shows a much-more-wholesome-but-still-angsty depiction of the family. This post is not AT ALL intended to bring you guys down! This post is to show you guys how weak I am compared to you. I love angst and dark themes, but... I CAN'T do it with the koopa family! They are wholesome and loving while attempting to take over the world in my headcannon 🥺🥺🥺🥺

So, tldr; in my headcannon, outside of invading kingdoms and kidnapping princesses every other week, Bowser is a loving, emotional, a bit goofy, not so great at disciplining his kids unless it's really bad like when Bowser Jr. Turned him into a monster in Bowsers Fury, dad who would blow up his whole kingdom if any of his kids got hurt.

[boxfullaturtles]

Not sure if you're writing specific versions of the turtles for the angst prompts, but would you be able to do 2003 Raph with 19 (beastly) or 32 (begging)?

"Tell me not to." The villain of the week orders--some new chump the Purple Dragons have on their payroll.

Raph grinds his teeth, hands clenched so hard into fists that they're shaking. The bastard's got a gun pressed against Mikey's shell. And while Raph and his brothers are tough, at that range the bullet will punch right through and then Mikey's...

"I already dropped my weapons, ya' dickweed! What more do ya' want!?" Raph snaps, letting his anger coat the terror thudding in his chest. Anger is so much easier to manage than fear.

"I want you to beg me not to shoot him," The guy's got a sneer like he's the one with all the cards. And right now, he is, "Beg me, come on, freak, I wanna hear you plead for his life."

"Raph--" Mikey chokes on whatever stupid joke he was trying to make.

They both know that Raph will do anything for his brothers. Just like any of them would do anything for him. Raph embraces all the violence and rage and bitterness so his brothers don't have to. Raph will take all the hard hits, throw all the worst punches, and do all the dirty work. If it means keeping his brothers' hands clean, he'll take it.

So it doesn't take much effort for him to bite the words out, "Don't shoot him. Don't do it. Just let him go."

"That don't sound like beggin', that sounded like an order..." There's a click of the hammer pulling back and Mikey shivers.

"Please!" Raph shouts, taking a half a step forward, "Please don't! Please, just let him go!"

"Eh, I dunno if you mean it..."

Desperation burns fuel for rage and Raph drops to his knees, "Please don't hurt him! He--he's just a kid! He's my baby brother! I'll do anything!" Everything's spilling out, he's opened a flood gate and it doesn't want to close. His voice cracks and he hates it but he can't stop, "Take me instead! Let him go and take me! Please!"

"No, Raph!"

"You wanna take the bullet for your pal?"

Raph's breath hitches and his chest is shuddering. He meets Mikey's gaze and Mikey is begging him not to do this. But Leo's always going on about responsibility and Raph is responsible for getting them in this mess. It's his burden to bear.

"Yes," He breathes and has to force his lungs to work louder, "Yes, shoot me instead. Let him go and shoot me instead! I--I can take it!" Pride means nothing in the face of potentially losing a brother, "Please! PLEASE!"

"Well, since you asked so nicely..." The chump moves pretty fast for a human. Between one blink and the next, Raph sees the barrel of the gun aimed at him.

Then there's that ear-splitting BANG and agony punches him in the chest, sending him toppling backwards. His ears are ringing but he can still hear Mikey's distant scream. The floor is spinning, the pain blistering over his other senses until he's just a throbbing beat of suffering. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so bad. There's a flower of hurt blooming just below his collarbone, right above his plastron, and it's digging its roots deep into his chest cavity, filling him up until he can't hardly breathe.

"Raph! RAPH! RAPHIE, PLEASE!" Distantly there are familiar hands on him and Mikey's voice screeching from under a film of muddy water, "Please say something! Raph, please! Don't--don't leave me here, bro..."

His vision swims in and out of focus, darkening at the edges, and Raph squints up at Mikey's tearful face. Aw shit, he's made Mikey cry. Leo's going to lecture him for that one.

"'S 'kay, Mike..." Fuck, it's so hard to talk. Raph is nothing but a vessel of pain, pain, pain and pain doesn't have a language, "You s-safe...?"

"R-Raphie, you're bleeding...! I--I dunno what to do! Don's not--no, no, shit, please, please, Raphie, please!"

"M' t-tellin' Leo that you s-swore..." Raph wheezes and lets his eyes close because it's way too hard to keep them open.

Mikey makes a disgusting sound, all gummed up and choked like he's the one who can't breathe. There's water dripping on Raph's face, making him twitch. Did it start raining? Crap, they should get home before it starts to downpour. They were outside, right? Things are becoming slippery. Raph is sinking into a sea of fiery agony.

"M-Mikey?"

"Yeah, yeah, Raphie, I'm right here! I'm right here!"

"...you safe?"

Mikey sobs and Raph feels his baby brother press their forehead's together, "Y-yeah, I...I'm okay, Raph, I'm safe. I promise I'm safe. But--but you gotta be safe too, okay! You gotta stay here! You gotta stay safe and--and you can't go anywhere!"

"M'kay..." Raph mumbles. There's a screech like tires from beyond the veil of pain he's draped in, doors slamming, voice calling, "'M here...stayin' here...I...I'll..."

He wants to say he'll always be here. Because somebody's got to take all the hits that he won't ever let his brothers feel.

But he doesn't manage to get the words out before the roots of the flower in his chest squeeze the last of the air from his lungs. He sinks all the way to the bottom of the pain-filled trench and lets the sea wash him away into darkness.

[semisolidmind]

My plants have been watered and my heart is so full 😭❤️ Monkie MK is just AGGGHHHHHH SO FRICKIN CUTE I WANNA CRY BUT I ALSO WANNA SQUEEZE HIM, PINCH HIS BABY CHEEKS, AND MESS UP HIS HAIR!!!

Do you think MK would revert to his more violent tactics if anyone were to target reader or his friends? Do you think he has the potential to become a platonic yandere given how much Wukongs tendencies have rubbed off on him or is his moral compass still strong?

he's just a little guy. a little guy full of ☆trauma☆

while i don't think he'd go quite as far as wukong does, he would resort to violence if it's to protect the people he cares about. mk already has a penchant for going all out when he fights (encouraged by his father), so he wouldn't really see why that might be a bad thing at first. he's gotta be strong so that he doesn't get hurt, and so he can defeat anyone who may attack him for his lineage. but he's still got a good heart.

after about a year of living in the city with his friends, mk has come to be very protective of them. he has to be, considering what a trouble magnet he is. there's always some new demon trying to get at him because of his dad.

mk understands why they do it. while he's eager to show them just how much of an "easy target" the monkey kings' protégé is, he kinda wishes they'd give it a rest. he has a tendency to destroy stuff when he fights, and it's not good for his public image (he still causes less collateral than normal mk, though).

because of the many rampages of the infamous monkey king, the citizens have a deep-rooted fear of monkey demons. it's why macaque protects from the shadows, and why he's not well-known despite his role in the jttw. so, mk is used to being feared and distrusted.

however, despite all that...mk is a good kid. he wants to help, and i think he'd be mortified if he had the thought of keeping his friends locked away. he'd do the whole "you're not safe when I'm around, I have to leave" hero cliche thing, then realize his friends are in more danger when he's not around.

[local-lover-boy]

Cool song lyrics to use as insta captions (will be marked off as I use them)

-"Self made, self paid, how dare you speak my name" -Ashnikko

-"Pressed, stressed, obsessed, I got 'em" -Megan Thee Stallion

-"Better count your blessings, I've got humour, I've got a knife too" -Ashnikko

-"I ignite" - Ashnikko

-"Unfortunately, you made the mistake of underestimating me" -Ashnikko

-"Love it when you call me crazy, as long as you keep calling baby" -Megan Thee Stallion

-"Can't take it back once it's been set in motion" -Billie Eilish

-"And now I have the power to bathe all of you in entertaining fire" -Alastor

-"I know that you obsess" - Lil Mariko

-"Did I break your heart?" -Billie Eilish

-"Bet you wanna" -BLACKPINK & Cardi B

-"You'll remember me" -Kim Petras

-"I would be the one to eliminate you, weedkiller" -Ashnikko

-"I make moves in silence" -Megan Thee Stallion

-"I'm a hot girl and we come in different flavours" -Charli XCX

-"I wish you really would cause I know I really will" -CJ The X

-"I still want the world" -CJ The X

-"I do not stack racks, I rack up kills" -CJ The X

-"You inspired by me, let the black ink bleed" -CJ The X

-"You were talking business, aiming with your weapon, I was on your hit list, I felt the compression" -100 gecs

-"If I wasn't me, I'd copy me too" -100 gecs

-"You won't find me twice this much I promise" -Kali Uchis

-"It's not too late to admit you love me" -Kali Uchis

-"Praying for my downfall, many have tried" -BLACKPINK

-"I will see you in the end" -Hatsune Miku & Anamanaguchi

-"So bathe me in your magic light" -Hatsune Miku & Anamanaguchi

-"You found me here inside a dream, walk through the fire straight to me" -Hatsune Miku & Anamanaguchi

-"You want a show, I'll be your host" -Alastor

-"Ah, Ah, you're obsessed" -Kali Uchis

-"You may have fooled them but not me" -Kali Uchis

-"But when it's all said and done, your soul is mine to haunt" -Alastor

-"You signed your name, such a shame, got yourself to blame" -Alastor

-"I'm the baddest bad habit yeah, yeah" -Lolo Zouaï

-"Here's what we're not gonna do, take you back from your exile, won't get in my head tonight" -stef

-"No staying home reading texts" -stef

-"Feelings are a passing, never know a bad thing til it dies" -stef

-"You know now everyone hates me a whole bunch, just because I made you cry a little bit at lunch" -Be Your Own Pet

-"But I don't feel bad, cause they don't know what we had!" -Be Your Own Pet

-"Now I'm going, to juvie, for teenage homicide" -Be Your Own Pet

-"Waste away with me" -Foo Fighters

-"When you become untouchable you're unable to touch" -The Living Tombstone

-"Screaming, the water, is melting my skin away" -bugsy

-"I'm uncontrollable, emotional, chaotically proportional" -MISSIO

-"I'm visceral, reloadable" -MISSIO

-"Heaven ain't close in a place like this" -The Killers

-"It's not confidential, I've got potential" -The Killers

-"Shut up and do something" -awfultune

-"I will not release my grip until I receive my blessing" -The Buttress

-"Heaven don't exist without me there" -Alexis Monroe

[yernemm]

FNAF Movie :^)

Just watched it and I wanna write down my thoughts.

First bit of this post is mostly spoiler-free, I'll put spoilers under the read more.

If you're a fan and you're planning on watching it anyway, DO NOT READ ANYTHING ABOUT IT. TL;DR: it's good, we've waited so long for this, you'll enjoy it, don't spoil it for yourself :^)

First of all, I really enjoyed it. It felt very genuine, like it was made for the fans. Despite having a couple scares, it wasn't really scary. People who just wanna watch a horror film but don't really care for FNAF might be a bit disappointed there. Though as a FNAF fan, it's exactly what I hoped it would be tone-wise. It has a horror theme to it but doesn't take itself too seriously. It's pretty funny too, and has a lot of references to various things from the games and community (I'll elaborate in the spoilery bit).

There's a lot of small details sprinkled in throughout the movie, and I definitely missed some of them. I'll probably be rewatching it asap whenever it's available online.

Spoilers below (I have a lot to say about the lore) \/

FINAL SPOILER WARNING, IF YOU MISCLICKED, LOOK AWAY NOW. I WILL BE SPOILING THE FNAF MOVIE !!!!

I'm very interested about the canon of this movie. Although it seems like an adaptation of the first game, the plot and some major characters are very different. Game canon has always been pretty unclear but this movie contradicts a lot of what we thought we knew. It could be a retcon, or it be its own movie canon (that the potential movie sequels will follow). I'm very curious about the theories that people will have about it.

Here's some major points:

Mike Schmidt is Mike Schmidt, not a pseudonym for Michael Afton. Does Michael Afton even exist?? Who knows. Either way, William Afton immediately recognises his surname and immediately offers him the Freddy's job upon reading it. This could be because he knew Mike's brother, though I would've assumed that William was just killing random kids during MCI. Specifically picking Mike for the job due to this connection was very interesting. Also, what happened to Garrett? Like, yeah, William killed him, but he's not one of the ghost kids.

Abby / Vanessa -- who even is Elizabeth Afton?? The general theory before the movie came out was that Abby was the movie version of Elizabeth. Name is an anagram of Baby, she's Mike's sister, etc. But we now know that Mike and Abby are not William's children. Instead, Vanessa is William's daughter. It sort of makes sense, Elizabeth has been portrayed with blonde hair before and there is a loose connection between Security Breach Vanessa and Elizabeth. (Her actress is also Elizabeth Lail...) The timeline also lines up, Vanessa/Elizabeth was a child in the 80s, since the FNAF movie is set in 2000. One small problem though... Vanessa is alive. Is Elizabeth actually Vanessa's sister that died in the 80s, similar to what happened to Mike's brother? Why does William blame the missing children incident on Vanessa during the final confrontation? I have no idea. I'm really curious to see how this all connects.

There's a weird previously unseen springlock suit in the storage room??? It almost looks like an early version of Baby, based on the face... And Abby almost gets placed into it. Interesting.

I gotta refresh myself on the game lore, I do wonder how much of the game lore still makes sense if you assume the movie is also canon. Maybe the Schmidt family (Mike, Abby, Garrett) can work as the Afton children (Michael, Elizabeth, Crying Child) with William Afton actually having a different family to what we assumed (Vanessa). Though, assuming movie Vanessa is the same as game Vanessa, with Security Breach taking place likely 25-35 years after the events of the movie (which was confirmed to be in 2000), she would be in her 40s / 50s in SB. Maybe she just looks young for her age ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I suppose it's possible that in the 2030s, an unrelated woman who looks strikingly similar to Afton's daughter just decided to work for Freddy's. Maybe Afton controlled SB Vanessa because she reminds him of his daughter. Who knows.

Moving on from the lore, here's some other things I wanted to mention:

Chica's magic rainbow in the mall

The diner that MatPat works at is named Sparky's (reference to the Sparky dog hoax from early fnaf days)

Also... MATPAT IS IN THE MOVIE. And he says something like "Lunch is more important than breakfast, but that's just a theory." (or the other way round)

Dream theory being a book and major plot point

After the credits, there's a robotic voice reading out letters (similar to that one fnaf minigame). At first I thought it read something like HOME (I didn't quite hear the rest). But it could just have been SAVE THEM or HELP THEM like in the minigames. EDIT: After rewatching this part, it definitely says "COME FIND ME".

They actually played TLT's FNAF song in the credits.

There's some loose parallels to things that happen in the books, like foxy for Abby around arcade machines, similar to what happened to Charlie in The Silver Eyes.

Balloon Boy toy jumpscares were hilarious.

The animatronics teaming up to build a fort for Abbie was hilarious.

I just love how goofy this movie was in some parts...

The ending does establish some plot points for the sequel with Willy getting springlocked and Mike telling Abbie "you never know what may happen" when she asks to return to Freddy's.

What happened to the aunt's body?? Like, the people who broke in got stuffed so they are accounted for. Presumably golden freddy didn't take the aunt's body when he and Abby went back to Freddy's. So did Mike and Abby come back home to their dead aunt lying on the floor????

They used the profanity budget for the movie's age rating to let the pharmacist call Mike an asshole. Love it.

WILLIAM ALWAYS COMES BACK

But Cupcake was the real villain all along.

That's all I remember for now. I might edit this later if I remember more. Very cool movie :^) 👍👍

[misslavenderlady]

Hello!! First off I just wanna say that I adore your blog! Especially your Daddy Dwayne stuff 🥰 (we all are weak for Daddy Dwayne). So I was wondering, what do you think Marko would be like as a dad? I've seen stuff about Dwayne and Paul but never Marko and now I'm truly curious lol.

Thank you love!

This is my first ask I've gotten, and getting it from someone whose writing I admire so much is a real honor. So thank you! 🥺💕

I'd love to share my thoughts! I hope this is well received and I'd love to give more of my HCs for the boys in the future!

Marko as a dad 💚

Everyone kind of underestimates Marko's potential as a parent. He's often seen as the wild, unpredictable one, so when the idea of him having kids comes up, there's a sense of doubt.

But to everyone's surprise, the best qualities in Marko shine through when he learns he's going to be a father. He's always been so loyal, doting and ready to be there for his friends, and he'd do the same for his child in a heartbeat. And that also applies to the situation BEFORE they're born.

Anything his partner needs or wants, they'll get with no questions asks. Have a very specific food craving? He'll have it ready in mere minutes. Can't get comfortable? He'll make the coziest nest you've ever seen. Need some supplies for the baby? He's got bags and bags of food, clothes, diapers, and anything else you need. Just don't expect him to actually buy the stuff. He's still a little thief at heart.

When his child is born, he's immediately in love. Like he would 1000% walk into the sunlight for his kid, even if they're only a few minutes old. He soothes them so sweetly and promises to keep them safe.

While it's very sweet, he's also a bit territorial with his child. Even with his own friends he's hesitant to let them hold the baby. After his fears are settled, Marko will let the others have turns spending time with the little one.

Only family and friends are allowed near his kid. If Marko doesn't like you, you're NOT getting near them.

The others tease that he's more of a guard dog than a dad. But with time and trust, Marko learns not to hover so much.

Despite being protective, he's definitely a fun dad!! He's the kind of parent that thinks kids should enjoy playing in the dirt, going on adventures and taking some risks.

He's also quite creative, so if his kid likes coloring books or arts and crafts, he's right by their side, making something special together.

Is definitely the parent that saves every single piece of art their kids make in school. Does he need to hold onto every stick figure drawing his child makes? No. Is he gonna do it anyway? YES.

If his kid is into sports, he's their biggest fan. Since they're vampires, his kid only plays during nighttime. No matter what it is, he's on the sidelines, cheering the loudest!

Is big on teaching his child to care for animals. He shows off his pet pigeons to them and let's them know how to handle the birds with care.

Definitely on board with getting his kid a pet. Dog, cat, bird, fish, it doesn't matter. Whatever makes them happy.

Another thing he's surprisingly great at is teaching his child valuable lessons. Like "treat others the way you want to be treated" or "it's okay to cry if you're feeling sad". Even his friends are surprised to see him act so wise.

PRIDE DAD🏳️‍🌈

YOU BET YOUR ASS HE'D BE THE COOL DAD THAT TAKES HIS KID TO A PRIDE EVENT. No cops at pride, just the Lost Boys.

He'd teach his child about the different flags and what they all mean, encourage them to learn more about the community, and to be respectful of everyone's identity and pronouns.

Fashion icon

What I mean is that he's definitely getting his kid a jacket of their own, and sewing on any patch they want. Maybe he'd even teach them how to sew as well.

He'd also encourage his kid to express themselves however they want with fashion. He's been around so long that he doesn't worry or care about stuff like who wears pink and who wears blue. So he's supportive no matter what.

Same goes for haircuts and makeup!

Now don't get me wrong, he's definitely a sweet kind of dad. But he's still a wild child at heart, and he's letting that rub off on his own baby.

He teaches his child how nazis deserve to be punched in the face, that cops aren't your friends and that privileged people in power try to keep down those who are poor, POC, or a part of the LGBTQ+ community.

In a way, Marko encourages his child to be a vigilante of some sort. Taking down those who think they can mistreat those who don't deserve it.

If his kid gets into a fight, he's either tagging in to help or defending them so they don't get in trouble.

When teaching his kid how to use their powers, he's encouraging them to be ruthless with their kills. Leave no survivors and enjoy your meal.

He also does a bit of combat training. Deep down, he's terrified that someone is going to hurt his baby, even if they've got powers to defend themselves. He just wants to do whatever he can to keep them safe.

Marko isn't the best with discipline. He loves trouble-making and being a bit chaotic, so unfortunately, his partner will have to be the "strict" one.

However, if his kid does something where they're potentially in danger, THEN he'll give them a serious talking to.

"I told you not to go with strangers! You could have gotten hurt! I was worried sick!"

He's worried about his baby.

Oh yeah, God help anyone who hurts his baby. They WILL die, and it will be painfully slow.

Now I personally HC him as being Italian and also Jewish (in honor of Alex Winter's faith). DISCLAIMER: I'm not Jewish myself. However, I believe whatever important teachings or stories he wants to share with his child would be done in great detail. He'd share details about his heritage and culture, teaching his child Italian and Hebrew as best as he can.

((Side note: If anyone out there does in fact practice Judaism, I would love to get your thoughts on how Marko would relate to it. I want to be as respectful as possible and learn whatever I can!))

Overall, Marko is an amazing father. He's devoted to his baby every step of the way. He's not perfect, but what parent is?

Would be referred to as "Avi" by his kid. (meaning 'My father' in Hebrew)

Favorite nickname for his kid would be "Bambino/a" (meaning 'little child' or 'baby' in Italian)

I hope I did Marko justice!! Thank you again!

[nin-jay-go]

liveblogging dragons rising

all thoughts under the cut!

this is so pretty so far

oh this is a lesbian. kreel is like if the mad hatter was a lesbian

LOBBO IS MY NEW FAVORITE CHARACTER

"i'm going to kill your whole family" GOOD LIRD THIS IS DARK

"I THINK I MADE A BOMB" JSHFKJSKDJF

"elemental powers are complicated" yea dude they sure are

THEYRE BROTHERS YOUR HONOR

oh why is it RAIyu and not REEyu. i thought they were riffing off the japanese word for dragon for his name (ryuu)

lobbo my BEST FRIEND

oh THATS why cole's memorial thing was in the trailer. i see.

is this dorama guy here to . here to c. here to cause drama

(he's so fun actually i like him)

Oh What The Fuck

oh shit the showman is coming back?? excited

kai is fuckin dead

SCIENTIST LADY 😳😳😳😳😳😳

oh wait. if all imperium ppl have those markings, is this like the secret markings humans have? but visible? bc that'd be cool

my friend: [the cragling mud] looks like their eyes. i don't like that.

buddy why are you excited to eat mud...... buddy........... arin.....

sometimes i can still hear his voice 😔😔😔

dragon = nuke

THE CLOUD FUCKING KINGDOM ARE YOU KIDDING ME

thats a fucking mindflayer. what the fuck.

WHAT

THE NEW MASTER OF WIND??????? IS A CLOUD KINGDOM MONK??????? HUHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK

i hate the cloud kingdom. whyyyyy is it the way that it is

my friend: it is interesting that the cloud kingdom is confirmed to be full of shit

WHAT IS THIS BOOKWORM LITTLE THING. I LOVE THEM CAN I HAVE TWENTY

alright time to see this so-called wind master

why does she sound like a self-insert 😭

EUPHRASIA?!?!?!!?!!!??!!?!?!?!?

*insert the crying of everyone with a morro lives / morro redemption au*

(like its fine for canon but alterline is weeping)

me: [the wolf] is a hologram with mass! my friend: that means it matters :)

sora has protagonist hair jdkfhgkjdfgkjh

oh!!! the imperium markings come in with age :0 or maybe they're a rank thing idk yet

ohhhhh the scientist lady (dr larrow?) is her role model :0 [this is the point where i lost subtitles lol]

did those kids call sora anna?

WOMANNNNNNNN

"sora? the ancient imperium word for orphan?" HELLO??????

me: i want to kiss [larrow] on the mouth my friend: why do you want to go for the villain me: she's hot my friend: women in stem!

BRO SHE JUST GOT DISOWNED. JESUS CHRIST.

dr. lampshade floorpanel and dr doyll donmagar.......

lloyd: what's the shaming floor my friend: twitter sora: its a livestream me: so its twitch

i forgot to write this down but arin is the new master of SPIN

PERCIVAL TARTIGRADE

STOP DEADNAMING SORA LET HER BE NONBINARY

get flashbanged idiots

oh!!!! wildfire was raised by dragons!!! thats so fun

what is happening- OH WILDFIRE

friend: do you remember atla? the dragons

why is wu's ghost haunting the monastery my friend: its a wu-o-wisp!

TINY LLOYD WITH SAM VINCENT'S VOICE IS SO FUNNY JKHGSFKDSKDJH really couldn't get jillian michaels

OH AND THE S10 GI ON A BABY LLOYD LMAOOOOO

"this looks like a monastery!" no the fuck it doesn't you're in an underground Chamber

DONT LET THE FUCKING GOLDEN WEAPONS REPEAT

sora: i can't use my true potential my friend: then use your fake potential

mmmmm beatrix hot woman :]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS CELESTIA, PRINCESS OF EQUESTRIA my friend: i wanna see someone overlay this dialogue on top of footage of celestia

MEANERY

they're seriously gonna torture a BABY DRAGON?????

hehehe ras ear twitch :3

LLOYD HAS A CONCUSSION

THE GHOST OF MASTER WU

ZANE IS IN THE FUCKING EGG????

ZANE WAS IN CRYO??????

WHERE ARE JAY COLE AND PIX. WHERE ARE THEY

my friend, in response to sora's name reveal: we named the dog indiana

me: jay and cole are off on their honeymoon my friend: they're in the bahamas

"there can't be two elemental masters of fire! it doesn't make sense! also its rude!"

THE IMPOSSIBLE KID

STOP DEADNAMING HERRRRRRRR

miss beatrix can i kiss you on the mouth

i warned you about those stairs bro :y

THE DRAGON TALKS?????? and why does it sound like unagami

OH HES BIG

a conduit?????? changed forever????? 👀👀👀👀

he gettin ZOOMED

me and my friend: DID LLOYD DIE??? AGAIN????

now lloyd and arin BOTH have concussions!

oh he glowin

your holograms appear to be glitching maam

I WARNED YOU ABOUT THOSE STAIRS BRO :y

rapton is very pathetic

LLOYD'S WAR FLASHBACKS OH NO

lloyd voice i'm adopting you arin

OOP RAS IS CAPTURED. THIS IS ANTI-FURRY

oh. she has a mech.

so that means the weird green ghosty guy (and jay/cole/pix) are in season 2 :0 i'm so excitedddddd

final thoughts this was cool as shit. i loved this very much. ouoUOAUOAUAOAUOU

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

side notes from my last episode of Miss Scarlet that didn't fit into the other post I just made:

-- DETECTIVE FITZROY. THAT BOY. for real I don't think anything could BE cuter than his little grin at Eliza when they're standing the doorway at the end of the case. AAA. LOOKIT THE SOFT BABIES.

-- I appreciated the complexity with Detective Phelps!! he wasn't reduced to a stereotype *or* just a simplistic subversion of a stereotype!! he was interesting!! I think I actually may like him as a character now??

-- (I mean he's still going to keep being a jerk to both Fitzroy and Eliza, I'm sure. and I'll hate him for that. but he's multidimensional and interesting now, he's not just 'The Office Bully With Seniority'. and I can understand a little better why he is the way that he is. and I always appreciate when writers give us that in characters.)

-- ok this one's gonna be kinda long:

on the one hand, of course I wanna be irked at William for courting Arabella. but on the other... I cannot blame him? she's got a lot of what he's indicated he would want in a potential wife, and while I do believe that he loves Eliza anyway... she's resisted all of his attempts to court her, or even to move their relationship past anything beyond friendship((+ """secret""" unspoken pining)). he directly asked her whether she would ever want a family of her own the last time we saw them interacting together, and she dismissed it immediately. as far as he's concerned, she's fully indicated that she's got no interest in being courted by him or having any sort of formal future with him. or anyone else, for that matter.

basically, I'm just thinking... there's no commitment between William and Eliza. they've already formally agreed to keep their official relationship to 'old friends/professional working partners,' even if there are other, more complicated emotions under the surface. and sure, it's kind of angering that he's so attracted to the one person Eliza Can Not manage to get along with, or even to like. the one person who always made her feel Inferior and Disgusting and Worthless at school. but... he has no real bond to Eliza. not right now. and there's nothing that's stopping him from courting Arabella. and I don't see that it's wrong for him to do it.

-- it IS wrong for him to make Eliza cry at a distance while watching them together tho so I shall once again renew my vow to break the nose of this fictional character immediately

[cnradfisher]

𝙳𝙸𝚅𝙴 𝙳𝙴𝙴𝙿𝙴𝚁. the ultimate conrad fisher playlist. songs that conrad relates to, or songs that he would listen to.

𝙴𝚇𝙸𝙻𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝙵𝚃. 𝙱𝙾𝙽 𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚁 .

like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me. second, third, and hundredth chances. balancing on breaking branches, those eyes add insult to injury. i think i've seen this film before and i didn't like the ending. i'm not your problem anymore, so who am i offending now? you were my crown, now i'm in exile seeing you out. i think i've seen this film before, so i'm leaving out the side door.

so step right out, there's no amount of crying i can do for you. all this time we always walked a very thin lie, you didn't even hear me out. (didn't even hear me out) you never gave a warning sign. (i gave so many signs) all this time, i never learned to read your mind. (never learned to read my mind) i couldn't turn things around. (never turn things around) cause you never gave a warning sign. (i gave so many signs)

𝙿𝙸𝙴𝙲𝙴𝚂 - 𝚁𝙴𝙳 .

i'm here again, a thousand miles away from you. a broken mess, just scattered pieces of who i am. i've come so far, thought i could do this on my own. i've lost so much along the way. then i see your face, i know i'm finally yours. i find everything i thought i lost before. you call my name, i come to you in pieces, so you can make me whole.

𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙲𝙰𝙽 - 𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙲𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙰 .

every time we drift, we're forcing what is wrong. at last that voice is gone. please take your time, but you've gotta know that i am taking sight. oh, you look good with your patient face and wandering eyes. don't hold this war inside.

come back when you can. let go, you'll understand. you've done nothing at all to make me love you less. so come back when you can. come back, i'll help you stand. let go and hold my hand. if all you wanted was me, then i'll give you nothing less.

𝚆𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 - 𝙱𝙸𝚁𝙳𝚈 .

lights go down, in the moment we're lost and found. i just wanna be by your side, if these wings could fly. damn these walls, in the moment we're ten feet tall. and how you told me after it all, we'd remember tonight for the rest of our lives.

𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙴 𝚂𝙾 𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙴𝙻𝚈 - 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝚃𝚈𝙻𝙴𝚂 .

don't blame me for falling, i was just a little boy. don't blame the drunk caller, wasn't ready for it all. you can't blame me, darling, not even a little bit. i was away, and i'm just an arrogant son of a bitch who can't admit when he's sorry. don't call me baby again, you've got your reasons. know that you're tryna be friends, i know you mean it. don't call me baby again, it's hard for me to go home.

𝚂𝙾𝚁𝚁𝚈 - 𝙷𝙰𝙻𝚂𝙴𝚈 .

i've missed your calls for months it seems, don't realize how mean i can be. cause i can sometimes treat the people that i love like jewelry. cause i can change my mind each day. i didn't mean to try you on. but i still know your birthday and your mother's favorite song.

i run away when things are good, i never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could. and so it seems i broke your heart. my ignorance has struck again, i failed to see it from the start, and tore you open till the end.

someone will love you. someone will love you. someone will love you, but someone isn't me.

𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙸𝚂 𝙼𝙴 𝚃𝚁𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

i've been having a hard time adjusting, i had the shiniest wheels now they're rusting. i didn't know if you'd care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that. pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down. and baby, i don't quite know what to say, but i'm here in your doorway. i just wanted you to know that this is me trying.

they told me all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all of my potential. and my words shoot to kill when i'm mad, i have a lot of regrets about that. i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here. pouring out my heart to a stranger, but i didn't pour the whiskey.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙾𝚈 𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙺𝙴𝙳 𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙾𝚆𝙽 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚃 - 𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙽𝙴𝚆 .

if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. you can tell me how vile i already know that i am. i'll grow old, start acting my age. be a brand new day in a life that you hate. a crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone and hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.

call me a safe bet, i'm betting i'm not. i'm glad that you can forgive. only hoping as times goes, you can forget.

𝙲𝙻𝙰𝙸𝚁𝚅𝙾𝚈𝙰𝙽𝚃 - 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙾𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝙾 𝙵𝙰𝚁 .

i think you'll notice when things become different, the good vibes in our lives won't feel so consistent. and less becomes more, cause the weight is too heavy. i swim in the water that's breaking your levy.

the way that you left me's alright, it's alright. if i argue the point then we yell and we fight. and i won't be home for the rest of the night. you might hate my words, but you know that i'm right.

i only have but one complaint at the moment. don't paint me black when i used to be golden.

𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝙸 𝙼𝙰𝙳𝙴 𝙵𝙾𝚁 - 𝙱𝙸𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙴 𝙴𝙸𝙻𝙸𝚂𝙷 .

i used to float, now i just fall down. i used to know, but i'm not sure now what i was made for. what was i made for? taking a drive, i was an ideal. looked so alive, turns out i'm not real.

when did it end? all the enjoyment. i'm sad again. don't tell my boyfriend, it's not when he's made for.

𝚂𝚄𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙺𝙴𝚃 𝙵𝙻𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚁𝚂 - 𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝙷𝙴𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙽 .

dad always told me 'don't you cry when you're down', but mom, there's a tear every time that i blink. i'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but i know a heart's that broke is a heart that's been loved. so i'll sing hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mom. when i fell down, you'd be there holding me up, spread your wings as you go. and when god takes you back, he'll sing hallelujah, you're home.

i fluffed the pillows, made the bed, stacked the chairs up. folded your nightgowns neatly in a case, john said he'd drive, then put his hand on my cheek and wiped a tear from the side of my face. and i hope that i see the world as you did, cause i know a life we've loved is a life that's been lived.

𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚁𝚈 - 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝚃𝚈𝙻𝙴𝚂 .

don't you call him baby, we're not talking lately. don't you call him what you used to call me. i confess, i can tell that you were at your best. i'm selfish so i'm hating it.

𝙸 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄, 𝙸'𝙼 𝚂𝙾𝚁𝚁𝚈 - 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴 𝙰𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙼𝚂 .

you said forever and i almost bought it. i miss fighting in your old apartment, breaking dishes when you're disappointed. i still love you, i promise. nothing happened in the way i wanted, every corner of this house is haunted. and i know you said that we're not talking, but i miss you, i'm sorry.

𝙷𝙰𝙿𝙿𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚂 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

in the disbelief, i can't face reinvention. i haven't met the new me yet. there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you. both of these things can be true, there is happiness past the blood and bruised. past the curses and cries. beyond the terror in the nightfall, haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime. leave it all behind, and there is happiness.

tell me when did your winning smile begin to look like a smirk? when did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointing at my deepest hurt? i hope she'll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you, no i didn't mean that. sorry, i can't see facts through all of my fury.

i can't make it go away by making you a villain. i guess it's the price i pay for seven years in heaven. and i pulled your body into mine every goddamn night, now i get fake niceties. no one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you, and you know you hurt him too.

honey, when i'm above the trees, i see it for what it is. now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head. after giving you the best i had, tell me what to give after that. all you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness.

𝙲𝙰𝙽 𝙸 𝙱𝙴 𝙷𝙸𝙼 - 𝙹𝙰𝙼𝙴𝚂 𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙷𝚄𝚁 .

you took me back in time to when i was unbroken. now you're all i want and i knew it from the very first moment. cause a light came on when i heard that song, and i want you to sing it again. i swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me. like it was a private show, i know you never saw me. when the lights come on and i'm on my own, will you be there to sing it again? can i be the one you talk about in all your stories? can i be him?

𝙸'𝙻𝙻 𝙱𝙴 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 - 𝙹𝙰𝚈𝙼𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙶 .

my past has tasted bitter for years now, so i wield an iron fist. grace is just weakness, or so i've been told. i've been cold, i've been merciless. but the blood on my hands scares me to death, maybe i'm waking up today.

𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙹𝙾𝚁𝙸𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

never be so kind you forget to be clever, never be so clever you forget to be kind.

the autumn chill that wakes me up, you loved the amber skies so much. long limbs and frozen swims, you'd always go past where our feet could touch. and i complained the whole way there, the car ride back and up the stairs.

i should've asked you questions, i should've asked you how to be. asked you to write it down for me, should've kept every grocery store receipt cause every scrap of you would be taken from me. watched as you signed your name 'marjorie', all your closets of backlog dreams, and how you left them all to me.

𝙳𝙾𝚆𝙽 - 𝙹𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙺𝙴𝚁 .

i shot for the sky, i'm stuck on the ground. so why do i try? i know i'm gonna fall down. i thought i could fly, so why did i drown? i'll never know why, it's coming down, down, down.

𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃 - 𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙽𝙰𝚂 𝚃𝚁𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙷 .

i stayed for a while and waited for words, seen but not heard and struggled to try. my tongue's turning black, but i'll take you back. you're still the best, more or less, i guess.

it hurts me to say that it hurts me to stay and it might be alright if you go.

𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝚁𝙴 𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙼𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

remember looking at this room, we loved it cause of the light. now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time. do i throw out everything we built, or keep it? i'm getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes. mended all her gashes. you might just have dealt the final blow.

every morning i glared at you with storms in my eyes. how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? i sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick. my face was gray but you wouldn't admit that we were sick. and the air is thick with loss and indecision, i know my pain is such an imposition. now you're running down the hallway, and you know what they all say - you don't know what you got until it's gone.

𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚈 - 𝙼𝙰𝚈𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙴 .

oh, can you tell i haven't slept very well since the last time that we spoke? you said 'please understand, if i see you again, don't even say hello. please.'

all the love's still there i just don't know what to do with it now. you know i still can't believe we both did some things i don't even wanna think about. just say you love me, and i'll say i'm sorry, i don't want anybody else to feel this way. oh, can you tell i haven't slept very well since the last time that we spoke? i said 'please understand i've been drinking again, and all i do is hope. please stay.'

i'll admit i was wrong about everything, cause i'm high and i don't wanna come down. all the fun that we had on your mother's couch, i don't even wanna think about. i'm not strong enough for the both of us, what was i supposed to do? you know i love you.

𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙴 - 𝙻𝚄𝙺𝙴 𝙷𝙴𝙼𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 .

i wake up every morning with the years ticking by, i'm missing all these memories - maybe they were never mine. i feel the walls are closing, i'm running out of time. i think i missed the gun at the starting line.

𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

your kiss, my cheek, i watched you leave. your smile, my ghost, i fell to my knees. when you're young you just run, but you come back to what you need.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝚆𝙴 𝙼𝙴𝚃 - 𝙻𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙷𝚄𝚁𝙾𝙽 .

i am not the only traveler who has not repaid his debt. i've been searching for a trail to follow again. take me back to the night we met. and then i can tell myself what the hell i'm supposed to do. and then i can tell myself not to ride along with you. i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. take me back to the night we met. i don't know what i'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you.

𝙱𝚁𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁 - 𝙺𝙾𝙳𝙰𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙴 .

we've taken different paths, travelled different roads; i know we'll always end up on the same one when we're old. and when you're in the trenches and you're under fire, i will cover you.

if i was dying, on my knees, you would be the one to rescue me. and if you were drowned at sea, i'd give you my lungs so you could breathe. i've got you, brother.

we're living different lives, heaven only knows if we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes. five years, twenty years, come back we'll always be the same.

𝙷𝙾𝙻𝙳 𝙼𝙴 𝚆𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚆𝙰𝙸𝚃 - 𝙻𝙴𝚆𝙸𝚂 𝙲𝙰𝙿𝙰𝙻𝙳𝙸 .

i wish that i was good enough. if only i could wake you up, my love, my love, my love. my love, won't you stay a while? tell me more, tell me something i don't know. did we go close to having it all? if you're gonna waste my time, let's waste it right, and hold me while you wait.

𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝙶𝙾 𝚃𝙾 𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙸𝙴𝚂 - 𝟻 𝚂𝙴𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙳𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝚂𝚄𝙼𝙼𝙴𝚁 .

i'm still here in the darkness, back where we started. you made me a heartless monster. i'm caught up in distractions, fatal attractions. i'm starting to come undone. and now it's 5am, clinging to my couch, and everyone i ever knew is standing in my house. oh, i wonder who i'm looking for cause you don't go to parties anymore. i got the last five years running out my mouth, always stay too late, i should kick me out.

𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙼𝙴 - 𝙾𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙰 𝚁𝙾𝙳𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙾 .

and i watched as you fled the scene, doe-eyed as you buried me. one heart broke, four hands bloody. the things i did, just so i could call you mine. the things you did, well i hope i was your favorite crime.

𝚂𝙾𝙾𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝙻𝙻 𝙶𝙴𝚃 𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

desperate people find faith, so now i pray to jesus, too. and i say to you, soon you'll get better. soon you'll get better. you'll get better soon, cause you have to.

i know delusion when i see it in the mirror. you like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal. i just pretend it isn't real. i'll paint the kitchen neon, i'll brighten up the sky. i know i'll never get it, there's not a day that i won't try.

and i hate to make this all about me.. but who am i supposed to talk to? what am i supposed to do if there's no you? this won't go back to normal, if it ever was, it's been years of hoping and i keep saying it because i have to.

𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚃𝙻𝙴 𝙵𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙺 - 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝚃𝚈𝙻𝙴𝚂 .

i was thinking about who you are, your delicate point of view. i was thinking about you. i'm not worried about where you are, or who you go home to. i'm just thinking about you.

i disrespected you, jumped in feet first and i landed too hard. broken ankle, karma rules. you never saw my birthmark.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙰𝚁𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚁 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

i never grew up, it's getting so old. help me hold onto you. i've been the archer, i've been the prey. who could ever leave me, darling? but who could stay?

and i cut off my nose just to spite my face, and i hate my reflection for years and years. i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost, the room is on fire, invisible smoke. and all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you.

they see right through me, they see right through me, they see right through me, can you see right through me? they see right through me, i see right through me.

all the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put me together again cause all of my enemies started off friends.

𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝙻𝚂 𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝙾𝙽 - 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙸𝚅𝙾𝚁𝚈 .

do you care about all the little things, or anything at all? i wanna feel all the chemicals inside. i want a sunburn just to know that i'm alive, to know i'm alive. don't tell me if i'm dying, cause i don't wanna know. if i can't see the sun maybe i should go. don't wake me cause i'm dreaming of angels on the moon, where everyone you know never leaves too soon.

𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙳𝙾 𝙸 𝚂𝙰𝚈 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳𝙱𝚈𝙴 - 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙽 𝙻𝙴𝚆𝙸𝚂 .

you gave me my name, and the color of your eyes, i see your face when i look at mine. so how do i say goodbye? when i couldn't, you always saw the best in me. right or wrong, you were always on my side. i'm scared of what life without you's like, and i saw the way she looked into your eyes. and i promise if you go, i will make sure she's alright. there's no way you could ever let me down.

𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝚁𝙴 𝙾𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙾𝚆𝙽, 𝙺𝙸𝙳 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

from sprinkler splashes, to fireplace ashes, i gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this. i hosted parties, and starved my body, like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss. the jokes weren't funny, i took the money, my friends from home don't know what to say.

there were pages turned with the bridges burned. everything you lose is a step you take. you've got no reason to be afraid. you're on your own, kid. you can face this.

𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙸 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 - 𝙺𝙾𝙳𝙰𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙴 .

when you said your last goodbye, i died a little bit inside. i lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side. if you loved me, why'd you leave me? take my body, take my body. all i want is, all i need is to find somebody. i'll find somebody.

𝙷𝙰𝙻𝙵 𝙰 𝙼𝙰𝙽 - 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙽 𝙻𝙴𝚆𝙸𝚂 .

when i told her it was over, my darling, i had lied. i've been running from my demons, afraid to look behind. i've been running from myself, afraid of what i'd find. how am i supposed to love you when i don't love who i am?

i'm a sinking ship that's burning, so let go of my hand. how can i give you all of me, when i'm only half a man?

𝙷𝚈𝙼𝙽 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 - 𝚁𝙴𝙳 .

thought you were beside me, but i reached and you were gone. sometimes i hear you calling from some lost and distant shore. i hear you crying softly for the way it was before.

𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙼𝚈 𝚁𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙸𝙾𝙽 - 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝚃𝙸𝙲𝙴𝙽𝚃 .

that's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion. trying to keep up with you, and i don't know if i can do it. oh no, i've said too much. i haven't said enough.

𝙼𝚈 𝚃𝙴𝙰𝚁𝚂 𝚁𝙸𝙲𝙾𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚃 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

if i'm on fire you'll be made of ashes, too. even on my worst day, did i deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me? cause i loved you, i swear i loved you till my dying day. i didn't have it in myself to go with grace, and you're the hero flying around saving face. and if i'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? cursing my name, wishing i stayed, look at how my tears ricochet.

we gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean. some to throw, some to make a diamond ring. you know i didn't want to have to haunt you, but what a ghostly scene. you wear the same jewels that i gave you as you bury me.

𝙴𝙰𝚂𝚈 𝙾𝙽 𝙼𝙴 - 𝙰𝙳𝙴𝙻𝙴 .

there ain't no gold in this river that i've been washing my hands in forever. i know there is hope in these waters, but i can't bring myself to swim when i am drowning in the silence, baby, let me in. go easy on me, baby. i was still a child, didn't get the chance to feel the world around me. i had no time to choose what i chose to do.

𝙿𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝙽𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝙵𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙸𝙽 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 𝙰𝙶𝙰𝙸𝙽 - 𝙾𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙴 𝙼𝙽 .

you and me need never be lonely again. spin with me endlessly, or at least until the end. please never fall in love again. oh, please never fall in love again. and if some other guy catches your eye, please just text me your goodbye. you know i don't look pretty when i cry, and i don't want that to be your final glimpse of me.

𝚂𝙷𝙰𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙳 - 𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚈𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙳𝙰𝚈 .

and i've lost who i am and i can't understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love. without love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on. but i know, all i know, that the end's beginning. who i am from the start, take me home to my heart. let me go and i will run, i will not be silenced. all this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain. all is lost, hope remains.

𝚂𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝙵𝚃. 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙰 𝙳𝙴𝙻 𝚁𝙴𝚈 .

one night a few moons ago, i saw flecks of what could've been lights, but it might just have been you passing by unbeknownst to me. life is emotionally abusive and time can't stop me quite like you did.

this scene feels like what i once saw on a screen. i searched 'aurora borealis green'. i've never seen someone lit from within, blurring out my periphery. my smile is like i won a contest and to hide that would be so dishonest, and it's fine to fake it till you make it. till you do. till it's true.

i can't speak, afraid to jinx it. i don't even dare to wish it. but your eyes are flying saucers from another planet. now i'm all for you like janet. can this be a real thing? can it?

𝙸𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙸𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚃 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴 - 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝚈 .

i know you did all you could just to make sure my life was good. sorry for the fights and the tone of my voice. sorry for the nights when i made the wrong choice. life is flying by and it's hitting me now.

i hope it's not, but if this is the last time, please come close. i love you with all of my heart, you know. i don't wanna cry, i'm bad at goodbye. if this is the last time then let's do the things we always do. like go to the mall and buy some shoes. i don't wanna cry, i'm bad at goodbye,

𝙱𝙴 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙴 - 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝟷𝟿𝟽𝟻 .

i shouldn't have called cause we shouldn't speak. you do make me hard, but she makes me weak. and don't wait outside my hotel room, just wait till i give you a sign cause i get lonesome sometimes. save all the jokes you're gonna make, while i see how much drink i can take, then by my mistake.

𝙸𝙽 𝙼𝚈 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙾𝙳 - 𝚂𝙷𝙰𝚆𝙽 𝙼𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚂 .

laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing. i'm overwhelmed and insecure. give me something i can take to ease my mind slowly. just have a drink and you'll feel better, just take her home and you'll feel better. keep telling me that it gets better, does it ever?

help me, it's like the walls are caving in. sometimes i feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough. someone help me, i'm crawling in my skin. sometimes i feel like giving up, but i just can't. it isn't in my blood.

𝙼𝙸𝚁𝚁𝙾𝚁𝙱𝙰𝙻𝙻 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

hush, i know they said the end is near but i'm still on my tallest tiptoes, spinning in my highest heels, love. shining just for you. and they called off the circus, burned the disco down. when they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns, i'm still on that tightrope. i'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me. and i'm still a believer, but i don't know why. i've never been a natural. all i do is try, try, try. i'm still on that trapeze, i'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me.

𝙵𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 - 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝚃𝚈𝙻𝙴𝚂 .

forget what i said, it's not what i meant. and i can't take it back, i can't unpack the baggage you left. what am i now? what am i now? what if i'm someone i don't want around?

what if i'm down? what if i'm out? what if i'm someone you won't talk about? i'm falling again, i'm falling again, i'm falling.

𝙾𝙻𝙳𝙴𝚁 - 𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙻𝚈 .

sometimes i wonder how things would turn out if i stayed in school, never left my hometown. i don't do the things i'm supposed to. emotional rollercoaster, keep it all on my shoulders hoping no one will notice. i'm not good at getting older.

𝙼𝙸𝚂𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝙰𝚃 𝙱𝙴𝚂𝚃 - 𝙼𝙰𝚈𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙴 .

you're all that i hoped i'd find, in every single way. and everything i would give, is everything you couldn't take. cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away. and the hardest of living is just taking breaths to stay. cause i know i'm good for something, i just haven't found it yet. and i need it.

let's not pretend like you're alone tonight, i know he's there and you're probably hanging out and making eyes while across the room he stares. i'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes. because these words were never easier for me to say, or her to second guess. but i guess, that i can live without you but, without you i'll be miserable at best.

𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴 𝚆𝙴 𝚄𝚂𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙾 - 𝙰 𝚁𝙾𝙲𝙺𝙴𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝙾𝙽 .

if only i could be in that bed again, if only it were me instead of him. does he watch your favorite movies? does he hold you when you cry? does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times? does he sing to all your music, while you dance to 'purple rain'? does he do all these things like i used to?

will he love you like i loved you? will he tell you everyday? will he make you feel like you're invincible with every word he'll say? can you promise me if this one's right, don't throw it all away.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚃 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝙵𝚃. 𝙶𝙰𝚁𝚈 𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙱𝙾𝙳𝚈 .

this is the last time you tell me i've got it wrong. this is the last time i say 'it's been you all along'. this is the last time i let you in my door. this is the last time, i won't hurt you anymore. this is the last time i'm asking you this. put my name at the top of your list. this is the last time i'm asking you why. you break my heart in the blink of an eye.

𝙼𝚁. 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙼𝙰𝙽 - 𝚁𝙸𝙲𝙺𝚈 𝙼𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙶𝙾𝙼𝙴𝚁𝚈 .

leaving me daft and dim, i've got this shake in my legs. shaking the thoughts from my head. but who put these waves in the door? i crack and out i pour. i'm mr. loverman, and i miss my lover, man.

𝚂𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙼𝚈𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙵 - 𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝙷𝙴𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙽 .

life can get you down, so i just numb the way it feels. or drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills. and all the ones that loved me, they just left me on the shelf. no farewell. so before i save someone else, i've got to save myself.

𝙷𝙾𝙰𝚇 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

my only one, my smoking gun, my eclipsed sun; this has broken me down. my twisted knife, my sleepless night, my windless fight; this has frozen my ground. stood on the cliffside, screaming 'give me a reason'. your faithless love's the only hoax i believe in. don't want no other shade of blue but you, no other sadness in the world would do.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝚄𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙰𝙻𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙱𝙻𝙴𝙴𝙳𝚂 - 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙽 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝚈 .

i don't love you anymore, a pretty line that i adore. five words that i've heard before. cause you keep me on a rope and tied a noose around my throat. you're gone, then back at my door. so if you're gonna leave, better leave, better do it fast. can't live a little longer sitting on your lap cause you know what you're doing when you're coming back, and i don't wanna have another heart attack. oh, i can't be your lover on a leash, every other week when you please. i can't be the kiss that you don't need, the lie between your teeth, the cut that always bleeds.

say you love somebody new and beat my heart to black and blue. then they leave and it's me you'll come back to. to say you loved me all along and kiss the bruises till they're gone. bittersweet, cause i can't breathe inside your arms.

𝙸 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙰𝚂 𝙰 𝙶𝙷𝙾𝚂𝚃 - 𝚃𝙸𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝙿𝙾𝙽𝚈 .

well i want you as you are, not some collapsing star. i'll wait, i'll wait for good. what else can i do? i don't want you as a ghost. i don't want you as a fading light. i don't wanna be the weight you carry. i just wanna be the man you come home to every night.

𝙿𝙰𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙵𝙻𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚁𝚂 - 𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴 𝙻𝙾𝚆 .

try to open up my eyes, i'm hoping for a chance to make it alright. when i wake up the dream isn't done, i wanna see your face and know i've made it home. if nothing is true, what more can i do? i am still painting flowers for you.

𝙵𝚄𝙽𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙻 - 𝙿𝙷𝙾𝙴𝙱𝙴 𝙱𝚁𝙸𝙳𝙶𝙴𝚁𝚂 .

and last night I blacked out in my car and i woke up in my childhood bed, wishing i was someone else, feeling sorry for myself. jesus christ, i'm so blue all the time. and that's just how i feel, always have and i always will.

𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙽𝙴𝚆 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝙵𝚃. 𝙿𝙷𝙾𝙴𝙱𝙴 𝙱𝚁𝙸𝙳𝙶𝙴𝚁𝚂 .

lord, what will become of me once i've lost my novelties? i've had too much to drink tonight, and i know it's sad, but this is what i think about. and i wake up in the middle of the night, it's like i can feel time moving. how can a person know everything at eighteen, but nothing at twenty-two?

𝚄𝙽𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙰𝙳𝚈 - 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴 𝙰𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙼𝚂 .

but it's so hard when it feels like my fault, when i keep 'em so far. happens when i go dark, i'm so unsteady. lately, i've been staring at the ceiling. it's a sort of funny quiet feeling. lately, i don't know what to believe in. none of this changing with the seasons.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙾𝙽𝙴𝚂 𝙸 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 - 𝙾𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙰 𝚁𝙾𝙳𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙾 .

the radio is up and so is your guard. you don't know what to say. you're faking a smile, say that you're fine, and maybe it'll all work out in time. you've always been good that way.

feel like i've done this before, you're fighting your tears as i open the door and you deserve much more. seems like i always hurt the ones i love. and i watch you cry, cause i wasn't enough. watch you disappearing down the road, seems like i always hurt the ones i love the most.

and what did i do? what did i do? i built you up, abandoned you, and i'm too proud to say sorry.

i didn't mean it, baby, i didn't think it all through. i didn't mean it, baby, always ruin good things like you. i watched the life drain out of your eyes, and it's no surprise.

[tuiyla]

Gah! Same anon as before. I just want to clarify that in no way was I blaming Puck for the relationship with Shelby (summarizing thoughts in asks gets so messy!). I was just trying to express how weird it is that we can recognize the trauma behind Quinn's terrible decisions in S2-3, but a lot of people seem to view Puck as somehow having it together? I mean, he gets arrested, almost fails his senior year, and ends up in a sexual relationship with his baby's adoptive mother, but somehow the show and a lot of the fandom only see Quinn as the traumatized one in this plot, and I've never understood it. The show seems to want me to view Shelby/Puck as some hot, sexy milf storyline where "oh, if only circumstances were different, they could be great", when all I see is a fucked up teenager who sees this as a way to get his child back and a 40-something woman who keeps egging him on by dropping lines about how hard it is being a single parent and "oh gosh, will you please come to the hospital and hold my hand and play act that we're parents together".

So, in summary, Puck is ALSO traumatized by everything related to Beth, but while Quinn is generally villainized over her trauma, Puck's is often presented as him just being a cool badass who likes to fuck. And a not insignificant portion of the audience seems to buy into that fully, which might make his plot in 3A even more frustrating for me than Quinn's.

No worries Anon, thank you for explaining. I wasn't 100% on where you stood with Puck based on the previous ask but that clears it up, all good.

The show's framing is entirely to blame for this. As much as they villanize Quinn, they acknowledge that she's a mess and crying out for help. Puck is portrayed as Shelby's peer and Glee shows no effort to show how messed up that dynamic is and how fucked it is that Shelby actively encourages Puck's belief that he has to be some kind of provider. He's 18!

Sad truth is, viewers are often willing to take what the show says, explicitly or implicitly, at face value. They're being told that Puck is being "mature" here and don't question how messed up that is. It reminds me of people comparing characters' trauma, too, very often with Quinn and Kurt, as if this is the fucking suffering Olympics. Puck is a complicated character and many have complicated feelings about him but there's undoubtedly a story there about a boy with issues. And though I do think Glee treats Puck with a surprising amount of care and put more effort into his story than most of the girls, there's an utter lack of respect when it comes to his relationships with older women. It's always, always a joke. Even when they had this opportunity to explore how messed up it was with Shelby, they still leaned into him being this more mature guy who needs an older woman anyway. Puck is anything but mature and it's whack that the show would explore his feelings of inadequacy but legitimize this fucked up relationship.

Then again, I think the show fumbled the potential of the Puck and Beth storyline when they showed that flashback in 1x22. Quick makes me so uncomfortable and it is the one thing I can't look past when it comes to Puck, and knowing how incredibly dubious Beth's conception was I frankly feel less inclined to care about Puck's complex feelings on his own fatherhood. And I wanna care! He could be such an interesting ch. But as always, the issue is Glee's inability to recognize what story it's telling. And so every time I want the show to explore what Beth and that experience means to Puck I remember that, at best, he pressured Quinn, and at worst Beth is the result of deception and full-on assault. That does make it more complicated. But bottom line is I agree that in terms of the season 3A storyline audiences should recognize that Puck is also a victim at Shelby's hands here. Because she just never stops being the absolute worst.

[divkazkdovikde]

conan gray speaking from my soul

alias me coded lyric

killin’ parts of myself to fit you

clear as shit i was not the issue

//

still can’t believe that this isn’t a dream

falling in love with a damn fantasy

that’s so me, so me

//

they were just sixteen

when the people were mean

so they didn't love themselves

//

i know i'm not the one you really love

i guess that's why i've never given up

/

i want more

but i'm not yours

and i can't change your mind

but you're still mine

//

but lately i've been feeling strange

and everybody's telling me to act my age

i never thought that everything i had would fade away

/

could i get a rewind?

get another chance, take it back in time

'cause i don't know what to do

with everything i'm going through

//

it's just so you, you're just so predictable

won't you try somethin' original?

old news, reused, that's why i don't cry

cause i got a feelin'

you're comin' back just like you have in the past

//

'cause socially speaking, we were the same

with runaway fathers and mothers who drank

/

the only mistake that we didn't make was run

(now look what we've done)

//

'cause the potential of us,

it was keepin' me up all night long

/

but if i'm readin' it wrong, man,

it'd be better off if i died, oh

//

i've got tired eyes, a black sky

making its home under my lash line

/

i'll keep on staring at the clock tryna pass time

and my life, it flies by

/

mean dreams, can't sleep

younger me thought this'd be more bittersweet

//

you taught me a lesson, that love isn't precious

it's not like the novels, no pride and prejudice at all

//

my god, don't look at your phone

no one's gonna call you

//

mid-november, and i'm sippin' on a half-cold coffee

starin' at a girl who's not me

on your arm, a carbon copy

/

feels like we had matching wounds

but mine's still black and bruised

and yours is perfectly fine

//

why, why, why, why?

why, why, why, why?

why, why, why?

/

'cause we are the helpless, selfish, one of a kind

millennium kids, that all wanna die

walking in the street with no light inside our eyes

we are the worthless, cursed with too much time

we get into trouble and lose our minds

it's something that i've heard a million times in my life

generation why

/

this town don't got much to do

and you and i haven't got much to lose

so do you wanna leave everyone in this place for good?

/

we're livin' night to night

since we're bound to die, oh

oh, what's the use in trying?

//

i made it out, it seems

i think i'm ready to

grow, to grow

//

this town will never change

people come and go, it's all the same

i never learned anybody's name

we all vowed that we wouldn't stay

//

baby don't lie

he's just a lookalike

//

fight or flight, i'd rather die

than have to cry in front of you

fight or flight, i'd rather lie

than tell you i'm in love with you

//

it's hard to put it into words

how the holidays will always hurt

i watch the fathers with their little girls

and wonder what i did to deserve this

how could you hurt a little kid?

i can't forget, i can't forgive you

'cause now i'm scared that everyone i love will leave me

/

oh, all that i did to try to undo it

all of my pain and all your excuses

i was a kid but i wasn't clueless

(someone who loves you wouldn't do this)

all of my past, i tried to erase it

but now i see, would i even change it?

might share a face and share a last name, but

(we are not the same)

//

and you laugh and you dance in the wind

and you sway and you hug and you kiss

but there's darkness behind those eyes

even when you smile

/

aren't you way too busy

taking care of everybody

to take care of yourself?

//

but i wanna feel all that love and emotion

be that attached to the person i'm holding

someday, i'll be falling without caution

but for now, i'm only people watching

i'm only looking just to live through you vicariously

i've never really been in love, not seriously

i had a dream about a house behind a picket fence

next one i choose to trust, i hope i use some common sense

but i cut people out like tags on my clothing

i end up all alone but i still keep hoping

//

this hurt that i'm holding's getting heavy

but i'ma keep a smile on my shoulders 'til i'm sweaty

begging on my knees

screamin', "someone come and help me"

but by the time they're there

i've already hid the body

my breath's gettin' short and i'm unsteady

wellin' up in tears as i lay upon your belly

telling you i'm fine

i don't really need nobody

/

yeah, i just needed company now

yeah, i just needed someone around

yeah, i don't care what song that we play

or mess that we make

just company now

comfort crowd

//

but please don't ruin this for me

please don't make it harder than it already is

i'm trying to get over this

//

money, money, ain't it funny, honey

when you get what you need

baby, life is a breeze

money, money, give me money, money

'til i'm bloody, bloody

/

they say, "money can't buy you no love"

but a diamond cheers you right up

[jigsaw, movies, the story, yours, little league, telepath, astronomy, disaster, the other side, footnote, crush culture, the exit, generation why, grow, idle town, summer child, people watching, comfort crowd, affluenza]

[antlerquccn]

sentence starter from halestorm’s album vicious . change to fit as you see needed. potentially nsfw themes.

Feels like the end of the world but it's only the beginning of it all

Feels like the end of the world

It's only the beginning of it all

Been a survivor since I began to crawl

I don't give in, I don't give up I won't ever let it break me

I'll forever be the last one standing

I'm not defeated

I'm holding on and hanging by a thread

You haven't seen the last of me just yet

I'm falling down but I'm not out I'm coming back for more

I'm still alive

You all can wait for me to die

Just another empty skull

Make up another lie

Believe what you want

I won't shut my mouth and take it

I won't be another empty skull

I will give you something beautiful

Filling their empty lungs with the wrong kind of drugs

Baby what have we become

I did it cause I wanna and I did it cause I'm gonna

I did it just because I can

I did it cause it makes me feel so good

I did it because fuck "the man"

I did it cause I'm drunk and I did it yea so what

I'm just one of the boys

I did it all to break every single preconceived notion that you have

I did it all to shake every single one of your emotions

I love to make you uncomfortable

I do it cause I love it 

I want some more of it 

I do it cause you said I can't

I know you don't like it when I open up and talk about sex

I do it cause you hate me

I do it cause the whole damn world's gone crazy and fuck it man, this is the end

Why you wanna bring me down?

I did it all to shake every single one of your emotions and just to make you uncomfortable

I do admit, I've come to like the attention

I get a fuzzy feeling washing over me

Is it love? 

Is it love or the drugs?

I think we should make out

There's a pretty safe bet you'll never see me again

I wonder what it'll sound like when you cum

There's a king size bed but we can do it on the floor

And if I were you I'd bring your girlfriend too

Let's take our clothes off I wanna show you my hidden tattoo

Take all your clothes off

I'm conflicted and addicted

So come over and make up my mind

You're looking really really good tonight

I bet you wore that just to blow my mind

I was thinking maybe I should kiss you but no

You were really really good last night

I was thinking maybe just one more wouldn't hurt

Here we are killing ourselves to live

We're going down with this ship

If this is our last trip at least we'll go together

Hang on 'til the morning

I'm not ashamed to give into desire

You made me tough, you made me numb

I am unafraid of being me

So say hello to the monster that you made

Now because of you I've got a heart of Novocaine

You never knew the real me

Now I'm angry and you wonder why

Once you had me but you lost me now

Thank you for the pain, thank you for the hate. Thank you for the way that you left me scarred

Nothing can hurt me like you did anymore

You numb the pain, you're blowing my mind like a painkiller

I'm not afraid about where I fit into the frame

I'll never be all of the things that you need me to be

I'm not the girl in the white dress I'm not your fairytale princess

I'm not your fairytale princess

Some day you'll know the reason why

I'm embracing my darkness

I'm really sorry that I let you down

I'm still gonna make you proud

It might be a hard truth but it's not about you

I don't hold it against you, you're allowed to be you

I'm sorry that I made you cry

You make me vicious

I like to take the knife and twist it

I can take all that you can give

I am not afraid, bring the pain

I'm not asking for forgiveness

I don't care if you'll hate me

What doesn't kill me makes me vicious

I will always be with you

That nothing will ever be like when we were twenty-three

I can kiss a girl and wear my boots to bed

I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not

You can't make me feel guilty for just being myself

I don't care if I ever see you again!

I'm a loser, baby

I'm a good excuse for all your bad habits

It's all just a trick in your mind

I used to believe your love, I used to believe in you

You made me believe I'm dumb, that I'm nothing without you

I'm fuckin golden

You say all of the things I could never say

Did you get my letter

I've been sober for [insert number] years today

Did you get my letter if not, there's one on the way

You saved my life in every way