#still don't wanna see all my babies cry but i see the potential for the actual drama to not be that bad

[wintersoldiersoul]

Bucky x pregnant reader

Bucky started working from home and everything was great! You spend time together and made plans for Baby coming along but the longer Bucky stayed at home the more he hid himself away in his office working, and one day as your hormones kick in, you're feeling very emotional and just wanting cuddles from him, so you go to his office and ask him about coming to bed and cuddling and he just says he's busy he will be there soon and you say that he's been working all day and you haven't seen him and he ends up snapping at you and it makes you cry and you tell him that you don't want to see him for the rest of the night and storm away, after a while bucky can't concentrate on work because he made you cry and he comes to find you and when he finds you aren't in your shared bedroom he panics thinking you left him and he shouts and runs around the full house only to find you curled up sleeping on the bed in your baby's room and he carries you to bed and apologises and tells stark that he won't be working anymore until the baby is here and settled

I wanna carry his children so fucking bad. What who said that?

The day that you told Bucky you were pregnant was the best day of his life. He couldn’t believe that you, the love of his life, was carrying his child. You were going to make him a father, something he thought he’d never get to be. You were terrified to tell him, as the pregnancy wasn’t planned but the second he burst out in a wide grin, you cried. You were hoping that Bucky would be on the same page as you in terms of keeping it.

Within an hour, he had called Tony and asked for permission to work from home for the duration of your pregnancy. He wanted to keep an eye on you 24/7, especially since you were carrying his super soldier baby. He treated you like precious cargo, bringing you everything you wanted, carrying you when you complained about your feet hurting, and constantly giving you stomach and back rubs.

The two of you were in a state of complete bliss, setting up the nursery, picking out potential names, and going on shopping sprees for your future child. Bucky sobbed when you found out you were having a girl. He couldn’t believe it. “I hope she looks just like her mother,” he said, smiling.

You would often wake up in the morning finding Bucky’s lips pressed against your stomach, whispering to your unborn child. “Your mama is so pretty, you know. So kind, too. And oh my god, is she smart,” he would say, not realizing you were yet awake. “You’re so lucky because you have the best mom in the world.”

“Your daddy isn’t too bad either,” you said, announcing your presence. “I hope you have his eyes.” He smiled, moving up to kiss you gently.

Unfortunately, even though he was working from home and not going on missions, Bucky still had to work. He was tasked with a lot of research before the other team members would go out onto the field. He had to do all of the mission reports and put together briefings. And as luck would have it, 8 months into your pregnancy, the team was facing a big threat.

Bucky began to spend hours and hours in his office every day. He was trying to get it done as fast as possible but there was so much ground to cover. You could sense how stressed he was and you didn’t wanna bother him but you missed him dearly. And you were getting to the point where your bump was so big that you couldn’t even put on shoes yourself. You needed him. 

One night, you reached a point where your body was just begging for his touch. Not even sexually, though your hormones wouldn’t protest it, but you just needed him to cuddle you. You missed him whispering to your stomach, something that he didn’t even have the time to do anymore. You still hadn’t decided on a name for your daughter and you didn’t wanna stress him out but you missed sitting and talking for hours about all of the things you would do as a little family. The bottom line was that you were pregnant and you needed him. He could take a little break, right? You walked - more like waddled - to his office and knocked on the door. “Come in,” he called. You stepped inside and he looked at you, smiling. There you were, his beautiful girlfriend, stuffed full of his baby wearing one of his shirts. He looked so tired, dark circles hanging under his eyes. “How are my girls doing?” he asked, placing a kiss on your stomach. Even the small display of affection made you grin. You needed to be in his arms more than you’d ever needed anything.

“We miss you,” you pouted.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry, beautiful. This mission is really kicking my ass and I’m not even going on it.” You felt so bad for how much stress he was under. He hadn't really relaxed in weeks and you had no idea when the last time he got more than 4 hours of sleep was. 

“Take a break, Buck. Please. I’m all hormonal and my back hurts and I just wanna be held by you.”

He looked at you with a sad expression. “I-I can’t. The team leaves in a couple days and I’m still trying to find out everything that I can about these guys.” 

“Please? Carrying your damn super-soldier daughter is making me feel all kinds of things. I just really need to cuddle for a little. I’ve been trying so hard to not bother you but I really need you to hold me right now, Buck.”

“Y/N,” he breathed, getting agitated.

“10 minutes,” you begged. You hated interrupting him but you had been so patient for so long. You just needed him right now. 

“I said I can’t!” he snapped, voice raised. “What don’t you get about that?” 

Your eyes welled with tears. “Oh,” you whispered quietly. “Well don’t worry about it cause I don’t wanna see you for the rest of the night anyway!” You walked out of the room as quickly as you could, slamming the door behind you. 

The second the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He didn’t mean to snap at you, he was just so incredibly tired. He was trying his best to finish all of his work so that he could go back to giving you all the love and attention that you wanted 24/7. He missed you so much, too. 

It took everything in him to not chase after you when you walked out the door. He wanted to hold you, to apologize, but he couldn’t. The sooner he finished this, the sooner he could just go back to loving you.

You started crying harder as soon as you left the room. Deep down, you knew he was so exhausted and stressed. You knew he didn’t mean to snap at you and that he probably felt awful about it. But your hormones were so intense that you couldn’t help the crying. You just wanted him. Your whole body was so tired from carrying a growing human inside of you and all you needed was for Bucky to make you feel better. But he couldn’t even do that. 

You went into the nursery, looking around at all the progress you had made. What had started as a blank room with no purpose was now full of life and love. This was the room that you were going to raise your daughter in.

Rubbing over your bump, you sat down on the floor. You felt a kick as you settled, something that had been happening frequently but a feeling that would never stop amazing you. “It’s okay, baby girl,” you said to your stomach, wondering if she could somehow sense your distress. “Mama just misses your Daddy right now,” you sniffled.

You were so tired. Growing a human, while something your body was meant to do, was fucking hard. You hadn’t been sleeping well the past few nights either, pains in your back preventing you from getting comfortable. You let your body relax, eventually curling up on the floor and closing your eyes, surrounded by the decorations that your daughter would hopefully love.

Bucky tried his hardest to go back to work, but it was impossible. He couldn’t believe he had made you cry. “Piece of shit,” he mumbled to himself. 

You were his entire world. You and the little baby in your stomach. His girls were so much more important than any job he could ever have. With a sigh he pushed himself out of his chair, desperate to wrap his arms around you.

“Baby, I am so so sorry,” he said walking into your bedroom. But he was met with an empty bed. He walked back out into the living room, wondering if he had somehow missed you on his way from the office. “Honey?” he called out when he still couldn’t find you. “Y/N?”

When he got no answer, he started to panic. You had left him. Packed your bags and gone somewhere else. You never wanted to see him again and you would never let him meet his daughter. He was a fuck-up and had burned everything to the ground. “Oh god,” he whispered to himself, trying to not fully break down. The exhaustion was getting to him. He couldn’t even think straight.

In a panic, he ran to the nursery, hoping that you hadn’t left it completely bare. He creaked open the door, expecting the worst. The lack of sleep was making him extremely paranoid. That’s when he saw your sleeping frame curled up on the floor. “Oh thank fucking god,” he breathed with relief. He sat down next to you, wrapping his arms around you from behind and rubbing your stomach. 

“Bucky?” You said after a minute, waking up.

“I’m here, honey. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I should have just gone to you when you needed me, I just-”

“You’re here now. That’s what matters,” you hummed, just happy to be in his arms.

“I’m done with this,” he affirmed. “I’m telling Stark I’m not working anymore til the baby comes. And for a while after that. He can dock my pay if he wants, we’re fine without it.”

“Buck, you don’t have to do that. I just really missed you.”

“I’m doing it. I miss my girls. More than anything.”

More tears fell from your eyes, but they were laced with happiness and love. “Thank you.”

“Let’s get you into bed, Sugar.” With ease, he lifted you up, not even phased by the weight of the human you were carrying. He set you down and tucked you in before changing into pajamas and sliding in next to you. “I love you so much. I can’t wait for our little girl to get here. I’m so sorry again. God, I just can’t express how much I love you.”

“I love you, too.” As you said the words, the baby kicked again, happy to have her parents reconciled. 

Bucky bent down and peppered kisses all over your stomach. “Come soon, Princess. We can’t wait to meet you.”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All I Want For Christmas is You

Warnings: non/dubcon, titty fucking, nipple clamps, butt plug, allusions to abuse, and other dark elements. Not all kinks or triggers are tagged. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Summary: You're a good girl for Christmas.

Character: Ransom Drysdale

Day Two of the December Daze Challenge.

Prompt - you have to behave if you want your present.

Note: As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

The pinch makes you hiss as you repress the squeak in your throat. The metal bites into your breast, latched onto your tender bud. Ransom opens the other and clamps it into place and you blow out another willowy breath. 

"Now, you gonna be a good girl for me?" He steps back and puts his hands on his hips, tilting his head as he takes in your naked figure. 

"Yes, sir." You murmur as you twiddle your finger, itching to tear off the nipple clamps. 

"Hmm, just to be safe," he turns and goes to the night stand. "Bend over for me, baby, let me see the peach." 

You suppress the ripple of humiliation and turn your back to him. You put your head down and stare at your pedicure. You bend and extend your fingertips to the floor to balance yourself. 

He approaches you and slaps your ass. You expect that, he can never keep his hands to himself, yet the sting makes you gasp. He digs his nails in and growls. 

"Goddamn, almost wanna skip dinner and stay home and eat dessert," he purrs and carresses your hot flesh. He gets close to your crack and tuts, "mm, good job, baby." 

You close your eyes as another tide of shame crests. The day before you spent making sure you were perfect. From head to toe. No hair, no blemishes, nothing. Masks, wax, tweezers, lotions, balms... it's all too much yet for the Thrombey heir, there's never enough. 

The cap of the bottle clicks and a coolness dribbles down your crack. He follows the trickle with his thick finger and smears it around your puckered hole. You contract against his touch and he chuckles. 

He backs away and returns to the drawer. You listen to his footsteps, so familiar with the noise of his movement that you know exactly where he is without looking. He comes back to you, another strike across your ass. You tighten again. 

He hums and slips something hard and smooth between your cheeks. He wiggles the tip along your ring and you suck in a chestful of air. You brace yourself for the intrusion. 

"You don't loosen up, and you're going to be crying at the table," he chortles and pushes the tip into you. 

You try to ease your muscles but it only makes you tense. The clamps, the plug, the thought of sitting through the family dinner, it's all a bit much. He dip the silicon into you until you're stretched to your limit. The lube slightly soothes even as the hot pain pulses. 

You close around the stem and let out a thigh. He rubs the bejeweled end of the plug and wiggles it until you whine. He lets his fingers wander down and tickles your lips, delving between to feel the wet betrayal of your body. 

"You have to behave if you want your present," he prods your entrance, "you get me, baby girl?" 

"Yes, sir," you answer. 

He pushes as if he might go further then thinks better of it. He pulls away and drones. He turns and struts away as you open your eyes and watch his lazy steps around your legs. 

"Stand up, get dressed," he commands as he spins and flops on the bed. "My mom will kill me if I'm late again." 

🎁

"Your grandfather says your imprint is looking for new writers. Still," Linda interrogates Ransom as he curls his fingers into your hip. He keeps you close, almost like a shield as he navigates the room of his relatives. He's as tense as if they were strangers, as they are to you. "How much time have you been spending with this... girlfriend?" She eyes you up and down. "You should be focused on work." 

He digs his nails into you, through the red satin of the dress he chose for you. 

"Imprints making a profit, even if we do need some authors," Ransom argues. "You can ask grandfather about our last budget report. You know he goes on about numbers, but he's always so hung up on the names." 

"Well, you wouldn't have much to publish without writers," Linda reprimands. 

He pinches the fabric as his frustration locks up his grip. He tugs at the satin and it brushes against your chest, the clamps you try not to think of even as they bite into you. You're certain everyone's noticed the pertness made obvious by your braless states. Anther of Ransom's demands. No bra, no panties. It's like he wants you to take the attention away from him. You almost can't blame him despite your embarrassment. 

“If grandfather thinks I’m not doing my job, we both know he’ll get rid of me,” Ransom huffs. “Merry Christmas to you too, mom.” 

“I’m not trying to be mean, just realistic.” She shoots you another sharp look. “You can’t be wasting your time on woman you mean to do nothing with.” 

You bristle. You’re not one for confrontation, you think that might be why Ransom keeps you around, but you’re irked to be spoken of as if you are some lifeless doll without an ounce of free will. Maybe that is what you are. Maybe that’s what he’s made you. 

“You know nothing about my intentions,” Ransom sneers. “I’m going to find my dad.” 

“Good luck,” she scoffs. “Oh, and sweetie,” she steps closer and pulls your dress strap across your shoulder before it can fall, “it’s much too cold for satin.” 

Ransom unhooks his arm from around you and takes your hand instead. He grumbles and tugs you away from his mother as she puts her lips to her crystal glass of mulled cider. You’re all too happy to get away from her. 

“Fuck it,” he growls under his breath. 

You expect him to guide you towards the cluster of figures awash in the rustic glow of the fireplace. Instead, he sidles you through the archway to your left and past the wide-mouthed staircase. He snakes around the banister and ushers you into a door just behind. 

He lets you go with another sigh. He shuts the door and leans against it. You stand patiently, shifting your weight on the pencil thin heels. He tilts his head back as he closes his eyes. 

You know better than to break the silence. He takes a deep breath as his nostrils flare and he lets it out slowly. He sets his head straight and flicks his lashes open. His eyes creep up and down your body. He smirks. 

“Baby, you’ve been so good to me, haven’t you?” He drawls. “Look at you, so sweet for me.” 

“Yes, sir,” you push your hands behind you and clasp them tight. 

“God, you’re such a slut,” he pushes away from the door and comes close. “Look at you,” he covers your tits with his hands and kneads, causing the clamps to pinch harder. You whimper and teeter on your toes. “Walking around like this. Everyone can see you, you know? They see what’s mine and they know better than to touch it.” 

He tweaks the clamps and you whine. You pout as you look down as he trails his touch down your stomach. He steps flush to you and loops his arm around you. He pushes against the satin and forces it between your cheeks until he touches the hard jewel of the plug. 

“Fuck,” he grits as the plug twitches as you clench. “You are so fucking dirty.” 

You bring your hands to his biceps, resting them lightly on his bulging sleeves, and force a purr from your throat. You don’t like it but he does. He loves to talk to you like that even though he’s the only one. The first one. 

“Do you want your present now, baby?” He asks. 

You bat your lashes and nod. You won’t deny him anything. Just the thought inspires the vision of spit flying and eyes blazing, the angry roar of his displeasure, the fiery lash of his palm. 

“Alright, baby, you gotta get on your knees,” he says. “And beg me for it.” 

You hesitate, for a split second, and pray it isn’t long enough for him to notice. You drag your hands down his arms as you lower yourself to one knee then angle the other under you. You drop your hands to your thighs and look up at him. 

“Please, sir, may I have my present now?” You ask politely. 

“Hm, why should you get that?” He challenges. 

“Because sir, I’ve been a good girl for you,” you say. 

He grins and grips his hips, poking his tongue out devilishly. “And how have you been a good girl?” 

“Sir, my hole is plugged just like you want it and my nipples are swollen and tender for you.” 

He snickers and hums. “Fuck, but you’re a bad girl, aren’t you? You got me hard and hurting.” 

“I’m sorry, sir,” you say. 

“Baby, you know what else makes you a bad girl?” You shake your head as he watches you with a menacing gleam. “You’re not naked for me.” 

You swiftly grab the straps of your dress and pull them down your shoulders and arms. You free your wrists and shimmy the satin down past your waist until it pools around your knees. You stare up at him, completely exposed. 

“Fuck, I love those tits,” he slither. “Baby, you can have your present,” he looks down and pushes his pelvis out. His pants tent around his arousal. “Go ahead and unwrap it.” 

You obey. You unbuckle his belt and daintily unbutton his fly. He squirms and groans as you brush the front of his pants with your hands and as you undo his zipper, he shudders. 

You roll his pants down his thighs, then his boxers. You angle his tip past the elastic and he stands rigid above, bobbing just slightly. You look at it, almost crossed-eyed. 

You don’t weight for his command. You grab onto him and pump him. He groans but leans away from you. He tisks. 

“No, no,” he says. “Push your tits together.” 

You gently cup your tits and swallow a moan at the tenderness pinpointed in your nipples. You crush them together so they bulge as he moves around. He drags a chair around and sits in front of you. He grabs your head and urges you closer. 

He beckons you with his other hand, flicking two fingers. You walk on your knees until you’re between him. He pushes his tip down then aims it up between your cleavage until he pops up above the swell of your chest. 

His swollen head hits your chin and he laughs again. He clutches your hair in his fist and forces you to bend your neck. As he thrusts again, he taps your lips. You know what he wants without him saying it.  

You open your lips and take him in. He groans and he shoves you down his length, halfway until you meet the top of your tits. He pulls you back so you pop off then rams you down again. He does it again and again. Pushing you onto his dick then drag you off just as quickly. 

As your lips part, saliva drips out and strings between your mouth and his glistening head. You puff out shallow breaths as he uses you like a toy. He curves his hand under your chin and slides to the edge of the chair. 

“Look at me, baby,” he demands. 

Your eyes flick up as he invades your mouth again. He smirks as he shoves you down then lifts you up again. The noise of your mouth sucking then popping off fills the space beneath his sultry groans. 

“Merry Christmas, baby,” he rasps and holds you down on him. “I’m about to fill you all up with your present, you ready?” 

He keeps your head still, pumping his hips instead. The friction between your tits and the wetness of your mouth riles him. You taste the saltiness mingling with your spit. You know, even before he grunts that he’s there. 

He spills into you, fucking through his climax as he whines in relief. You gulp him down and purr in faux delight. You don’t have to be happy, you just have to pretend enough to keep him nice. 

[marinerainbow]

Ok, listen. I know that there is so much potential for angst in the royal koopa family, and I love what people have done with them! Bowser favoring his only blood son and spurring resentment within the Koopalings. Ludwig and Junior having a rivalry- especially in regards to the throne. All the kids feel neglected because of their dad's emotional blockage and him focusing on taking over the world instead of family, etc. I truly love what people can do with all this royal drama and angst potential!! I want to write novelizations of some of your guys' adaptations of the koopalings + Junior and Bowser!!!

(Long post that's a positive rant incoming/my headcannons of the Koopa Royal Family incoming)

... but after watching the Mario movie, seeing the old Nintendo Power comics, and getting back into Mario, I caN'T HEADCANNON BOWSER BEING A BAD DAD OR THE KOOPA KIDS BEING MISERABLE WITH HIM! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THE SAME GUY WHO ANNOUNCED TO HIS WHOLE KOOPA ARMY THAT HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO PEACH, THE SAME GUY WHO WROTE A WHOLE ASS LOVE SONG FOR THE PRINCESS, THE SAME GUY WHO PLAYED GOLF WITH MARIO, WOULDN'T SET HIS WHOLE KINGDOM ON FIRE FOR ALL OF HIS BABIES!?!?

Don't get me wrong, he definitely has anger issues, and I believe in MatPats Bowser's backstory theory. I'm certain there have been plenty of instances he messed up as a dad. And having a bunch of kids, sometimes some of them slip his attention- at least the first year or so when he first had them and was learning how to Dad. But I'm telling ya'll, if my Bowser ever heard any one of his kids, from his eldest Ludwig or his only darling daughter Wendy or his baby son Junior, were feeling any sort of bad, he'd be like "Oh Hell no!" And take that child out one-on-one and give them lots of love, lots of assurance, and set fire to any fool who tried to tell him that they aren't really his kid.

One time, Bowser got so mad and roared within Lemmy's presence and made the baby boy cry. To this day, after he's long made up for it, Bowser still feels so guilty and heartbroken that he did that and has vowed himself to never let himself get that angry around his kids again... Unless when it came to Mario because they know in that instance, his fury isn't directed at them.

THIS IS THE SAME GUY WHO, EVEN THOUGH BOWSER JUNIOR DISOBEYED THE SCREEN TIME ALERT IN THAT NINTENDO SWITCH PARENTAL CONTROLS VIDEO, HE HESITATED TO SHUT OFF THE CONSOLE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT HIS SON DEVASTATED!!! And- And we see in Bowsers head, he imagined Junior to be sad and heartbroken! Junior is still a baby, and he's a little spoiled, so more than likely, he would have thrown a tantrum if Bowser had switched the console off. But BOWSER DIDN'T HESITATE NOT BECAUSE OF THE HEADACHE A TANTRUM WOULD CAUSE, BUT BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO BREAK HIS SONS HEART! I CAN'T EVEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I'll take it this far; you guys wanna know what my headcannon on who is Bowsers' successor? Well, in my headcannon, when he adopted the koopalings and had Junior, he knew it was going to be an issue. And he loved ALL of his kids so much, he didn't want to have to choose between any of them! The rest would hate him and the chosen one! All of his babies would start fighting! So what is a koopa king to do? 🤔🤔🤔 well, as we see in Super Mario Wii and in Super Mario Bros 3, he lets his kids run the world's he takes over! They all have their individual world/kingdom to rule!!! He makes sure that A L L of his kids get to be kings and a queen! Until Mario ruins it all saves the day. If Bowser had his way, the whole world would really be family run instead of just Bowser run.

Again, I must emphasize how much I absolutely ADORE everyone else's depictions of the royal koopa family. One of my favorites is Tyrranux's dark Mario AU that I found on Deviantart years ago, and one of my favorite blogs for the koopalings asktehkoopz shows a much-more-wholesome-but-still-angsty depiction of the family. This post is not AT ALL intended to bring you guys down! This post is to show you guys how weak I am compared to you. I love angst and dark themes, but... I CAN'T do it with the koopa family! They are wholesome and loving while attempting to take over the world in my headcannon 🥺🥺🥺🥺

So, tldr; in my headcannon, outside of invading kingdoms and kidnapping princesses every other week, Bowser is a loving, emotional, a bit goofy, not so great at disciplining his kids unless it's really bad like when Bowser Jr. Turned him into a monster in Bowsers Fury, dad who would blow up his whole kingdom if any of his kids got hurt.

[boxfullaturtles]

Not sure if you're writing specific versions of the turtles for the angst prompts, but would you be able to do 2003 Raph with 19 (beastly) or 32 (begging)?

"Tell me not to." The villain of the week orders--some new chump the Purple Dragons have on their payroll.

Raph grinds his teeth, hands clenched so hard into fists that they're shaking. The bastard's got a gun pressed against Mikey's shell. And while Raph and his brothers are tough, at that range the bullet will punch right through and then Mikey's...

"I already dropped my weapons, ya' dickweed! What more do ya' want!?" Raph snaps, letting his anger coat the terror thudding in his chest. Anger is so much easier to manage than fear.

"I want you to beg me not to shoot him," The guy's got a sneer like he's the one with all the cards. And right now, he is, "Beg me, come on, freak, I wanna hear you plead for his life."

"Raph--" Mikey chokes on whatever stupid joke he was trying to make.

They both know that Raph will do anything for his brothers. Just like any of them would do anything for him. Raph embraces all the violence and rage and bitterness so his brothers don't have to. Raph will take all the hard hits, throw all the worst punches, and do all the dirty work. If it means keeping his brothers' hands clean, he'll take it.

So it doesn't take much effort for him to bite the words out, "Don't shoot him. Don't do it. Just let him go."

"That don't sound like beggin', that sounded like an order..." There's a click of the hammer pulling back and Mikey shivers.

"Please!" Raph shouts, taking a half a step forward, "Please don't! Please, just let him go!"

"Eh, I dunno if you mean it..."

Desperation burns fuel for rage and Raph drops to his knees, "Please don't hurt him! He--he's just a kid! He's my baby brother! I'll do anything!" Everything's spilling out, he's opened a flood gate and it doesn't want to close. His voice cracks and he hates it but he can't stop, "Take me instead! Let him go and take me! Please!"

"No, Raph!"

"You wanna take the bullet for your pal?"

Raph's breath hitches and his chest is shuddering. He meets Mikey's gaze and Mikey is begging him not to do this. But Leo's always going on about responsibility and Raph is responsible for getting them in this mess. It's his burden to bear.

"Yes," He breathes and has to force his lungs to work louder, "Yes, shoot me instead. Let him go and shoot me instead! I--I can take it!" Pride means nothing in the face of potentially losing a brother, "Please! PLEASE!"

"Well, since you asked so nicely..." The chump moves pretty fast for a human. Between one blink and the next, Raph sees the barrel of the gun aimed at him.

Then there's that ear-splitting BANG and agony punches him in the chest, sending him toppling backwards. His ears are ringing but he can still hear Mikey's distant scream. The floor is spinning, the pain blistering over his other senses until he's just a throbbing beat of suffering. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so bad. There's a flower of hurt blooming just below his collarbone, right above his plastron, and it's digging its roots deep into his chest cavity, filling him up until he can't hardly breathe.

"Raph! RAPH! RAPHIE, PLEASE!" Distantly there are familiar hands on him and Mikey's voice screeching from under a film of muddy water, "Please say something! Raph, please! Don't--don't leave me here, bro..."

His vision swims in and out of focus, darkening at the edges, and Raph squints up at Mikey's tearful face. Aw shit, he's made Mikey cry. Leo's going to lecture him for that one.

"'S 'kay, Mike..." Fuck, it's so hard to talk. Raph is nothing but a vessel of pain, pain, pain and pain doesn't have a language, "You s-safe...?"

"R-Raphie, you're bleeding...! I--I dunno what to do! Don's not--no, no, shit, please, please, Raphie, please!"

"M' t-tellin' Leo that you s-swore..." Raph wheezes and lets his eyes close because it's way too hard to keep them open.

Mikey makes a disgusting sound, all gummed up and choked like he's the one who can't breathe. There's water dripping on Raph's face, making him twitch. Did it start raining? Crap, they should get home before it starts to downpour. They were outside, right? Things are becoming slippery. Raph is sinking into a sea of fiery agony.

"M-Mikey?"

"Yeah, yeah, Raphie, I'm right here! I'm right here!"

"...you safe?"

Mikey sobs and Raph feels his baby brother press their forehead's together, "Y-yeah, I...I'm okay, Raph, I'm safe. I promise I'm safe. But--but you gotta be safe too, okay! You gotta stay here! You gotta stay safe and--and you can't go anywhere!"

"M'kay..." Raph mumbles. There's a screech like tires from beyond the veil of pain he's draped in, doors slamming, voice calling, "'M here...stayin' here...I...I'll..."

He wants to say he'll always be here. Because somebody's got to take all the hits that he won't ever let his brothers feel.

But he doesn't manage to get the words out before the roots of the flower in his chest squeeze the last of the air from his lungs. He sinks all the way to the bottom of the pain-filled trench and lets the sea wash him away into darkness.

[semisolidmind]

My plants have been watered and my heart is so full 😭❤️ Monkie MK is just AGGGHHHHHH SO FRICKIN CUTE I WANNA CRY BUT I ALSO WANNA SQUEEZE HIM, PINCH HIS BABY CHEEKS, AND MESS UP HIS HAIR!!!

Do you think MK would revert to his more violent tactics if anyone were to target reader or his friends? Do you think he has the potential to become a platonic yandere given how much Wukongs tendencies have rubbed off on him or is his moral compass still strong?

he's just a little guy. a little guy full of ☆trauma☆

while i don't think he'd go quite as far as wukong does, he would resort to violence if it's to protect the people he cares about. mk already has a penchant for going all out when he fights (encouraged by his father), so he wouldn't really see why that might be a bad thing at first. he's gotta be strong so that he doesn't get hurt, and so he can defeat anyone who may attack him for his lineage. but he's still got a good heart.

after about a year of living in the city with his friends, mk has come to be very protective of them. he has to be, considering what a trouble magnet he is. there's always some new demon trying to get at him because of his dad.

mk understands why they do it. while he's eager to show them just how much of an "easy target" the monkey kings' protégé is, he kinda wishes they'd give it a rest. he has a tendency to destroy stuff when he fights, and it's not good for his public image (he still causes less collateral than normal mk, though).

because of the many rampages of the infamous monkey king, the citizens have a deep-rooted fear of monkey demons. it's why macaque protects from the shadows, and why he's not well-known despite his role in the jttw. so, mk is used to being feared and distrusted.

however, despite all that...mk is a good kid. he wants to help, and i think he'd be mortified if he had the thought of keeping his friends locked away. he'd do the whole "you're not safe when I'm around, I have to leave" hero cliche thing, then realize his friends are in more danger when he's not around.

[local-lover-boy]

Cool song lyrics to use as insta captions (will be marked off as I use them)

-"Self made, self paid, how dare you speak my name" -Ashnikko

-"Pressed, stressed, obsessed, I got 'em" -Megan Thee Stallion

-"Better count your blessings, I've got humour, I've got a knife too" -Ashnikko

-"I ignite" - Ashnikko

-"Unfortunately, you made the mistake of underestimating me" -Ashnikko

-"Love it when you call me crazy, as long as you keep calling baby" -Megan Thee Stallion

-"Can't take it back once it's been set in motion" -Billie Eilish

-"And now I have the power to bathe all of you in entertaining fire" -Alastor

-"I know that you obsess" - Lil Mariko

-"Did I break your heart?" -Billie Eilish

-"Bet you wanna" -BLACKPINK & Cardi B

-"You'll remember me" -Kim Petras

-"I would be the one to eliminate you, weedkiller" -Ashnikko

-"I make moves in silence" -Megan Thee Stallion

-"I'm a hot girl and we come in different flavours" -Charli XCX

-"I wish you really would cause I know I really will" -CJ The X

-"I still want the world" -CJ The X

-"I do not stack racks, I rack up kills" -CJ The X

-"You inspired by me, let the black ink bleed" -CJ The X

-"You were talking business, aiming with your weapon, I was on your hit list, I felt the compression" -100 gecs

-"If I wasn't me, I'd copy me too" -100 gecs

-"You won't find me twice this much I promise" -Kali Uchis

-"It's not too late to admit you love me" -Kali Uchis

-"Praying for my downfall, many have tried" -BLACKPINK

-"I will see you in the end" -Hatsune Miku & Anamanaguchi

-"So bathe me in your magic light" -Hatsune Miku & Anamanaguchi

-"You found me here inside a dream, walk through the fire straight to me" -Hatsune Miku & Anamanaguchi

-"You want a show, I'll be your host" -Alastor

-"Ah, Ah, you're obsessed" -Kali Uchis

-"You may have fooled them but not me" -Kali Uchis

-"But when it's all said and done, your soul is mine to haunt" -Alastor

-"You signed your name, such a shame, got yourself to blame" -Alastor

-"I'm the baddest bad habit yeah, yeah" -Lolo Zouaï

-"Here's what we're not gonna do, take you back from your exile, won't get in my head tonight" -stef

-"No staying home reading texts" -stef

-"Feelings are a passing, never know a bad thing til it dies" -stef

-"You know now everyone hates me a whole bunch, just because I made you cry a little bit at lunch" -Be Your Own Pet

-"But I don't feel bad, cause they don't know what we had!" -Be Your Own Pet

-"Now I'm going, to juvie, for teenage homicide" -Be Your Own Pet

-"Waste away with me" -Foo Fighters

-"When you become untouchable you're unable to touch" -The Living Tombstone

-"Screaming, the water, is melting my skin away" -bugsy

-"I'm uncontrollable, emotional, chaotically proportional" -MISSIO

-"I'm visceral, reloadable" -MISSIO

-"Heaven ain't close in a place like this" -The Killers

-"It's not confidential, I've got potential" -The Killers

-"Shut up and do something" -awfultune

-"I will not release my grip until I receive my blessing" -The Buttress

-"Heaven don't exist without me there" -Alexis Monroe

[yernemm]

FNAF Movie :^)

Just watched it and I wanna write down my thoughts.

First bit of this post is mostly spoiler-free, I'll put spoilers under the read more.

If you're a fan and you're planning on watching it anyway, DO NOT READ ANYTHING ABOUT IT. TL;DR: it's good, we've waited so long for this, you'll enjoy it, don't spoil it for yourself :^)

First of all, I really enjoyed it. It felt very genuine, like it was made for the fans. Despite having a couple scares, it wasn't really scary. People who just wanna watch a horror film but don't really care for FNAF might be a bit disappointed there. Though as a FNAF fan, it's exactly what I hoped it would be tone-wise. It has a horror theme to it but doesn't take itself too seriously. It's pretty funny too, and has a lot of references to various things from the games and community (I'll elaborate in the spoilery bit).

There's a lot of small details sprinkled in throughout the movie, and I definitely missed some of them. I'll probably be rewatching it asap whenever it's available online.

Spoilers below (I have a lot to say about the lore) \/

FINAL SPOILER WARNING, IF YOU MISCLICKED, LOOK AWAY NOW. I WILL BE SPOILING THE FNAF MOVIE !!!!

I'm very interested about the canon of this movie. Although it seems like an adaptation of the first game, the plot and some major characters are very different. Game canon has always been pretty unclear but this movie contradicts a lot of what we thought we knew. It could be a retcon, or it be its own movie canon (that the potential movie sequels will follow). I'm very curious about the theories that people will have about it.

Here's some major points:

Mike Schmidt is Mike Schmidt, not a pseudonym for Michael Afton. Does Michael Afton even exist?? Who knows. Either way, William Afton immediately recognises his surname and immediately offers him the Freddy's job upon reading it. This could be because he knew Mike's brother, though I would've assumed that William was just killing random kids during MCI. Specifically picking Mike for the job due to this connection was very interesting. Also, what happened to Garrett? Like, yeah, William killed him, but he's not one of the ghost kids.

Abby / Vanessa -- who even is Elizabeth Afton?? The general theory before the movie came out was that Abby was the movie version of Elizabeth. Name is an anagram of Baby, she's Mike's sister, etc. But we now know that Mike and Abby are not William's children. Instead, Vanessa is William's daughter. It sort of makes sense, Elizabeth has been portrayed with blonde hair before and there is a loose connection between Security Breach Vanessa and Elizabeth. (Her actress is also Elizabeth Lail...) The timeline also lines up, Vanessa/Elizabeth was a child in the 80s, since the FNAF movie is set in 2000. One small problem though... Vanessa is alive. Is Elizabeth actually Vanessa's sister that died in the 80s, similar to what happened to Mike's brother? Why does William blame the missing children incident on Vanessa during the final confrontation? I have no idea. I'm really curious to see how this all connects.

There's a weird previously unseen springlock suit in the storage room??? It almost looks like an early version of Baby, based on the face... And Abby almost gets placed into it. Interesting.

I gotta refresh myself on the game lore, I do wonder how much of the game lore still makes sense if you assume the movie is also canon. Maybe the Schmidt family (Mike, Abby, Garrett) can work as the Afton children (Michael, Elizabeth, Crying Child) with William Afton actually having a different family to what we assumed (Vanessa). Though, assuming movie Vanessa is the same as game Vanessa, with Security Breach taking place likely 25-35 years after the events of the movie (which was confirmed to be in 2000), she would be in her 40s / 50s in SB. Maybe she just looks young for her age ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I suppose it's possible that in the 2030s, an unrelated woman who looks strikingly similar to Afton's daughter just decided to work for Freddy's. Maybe Afton controlled SB Vanessa because she reminds him of his daughter. Who knows.

Moving on from the lore, here's some other things I wanted to mention:

Chica's magic rainbow in the mall

The diner that MatPat works at is named Sparky's (reference to the Sparky dog hoax from early fnaf days)

Also... MATPAT IS IN THE MOVIE. And he says something like "Lunch is more important than breakfast, but that's just a theory." (or the other way round)

Dream theory being a book and major plot point

After the credits, there's a robotic voice reading out letters (similar to that one fnaf minigame). At first I thought it read something like HOME (I didn't quite hear the rest). But it could just have been SAVE THEM or HELP THEM like in the minigames. EDIT: After rewatching this part, it definitely says "COME FIND ME".

They actually played TLT's FNAF song in the credits.

There's some loose parallels to things that happen in the books, like foxy for Abby around arcade machines, similar to what happened to Charlie in The Silver Eyes.

Balloon Boy toy jumpscares were hilarious.

The animatronics teaming up to build a fort for Abbie was hilarious.

I just love how goofy this movie was in some parts...

The ending does establish some plot points for the sequel with Willy getting springlocked and Mike telling Abbie "you never know what may happen" when she asks to return to Freddy's.

What happened to the aunt's body?? Like, the people who broke in got stuffed so they are accounted for. Presumably golden freddy didn't take the aunt's body when he and Abby went back to Freddy's. So did Mike and Abby come back home to their dead aunt lying on the floor????

They used the profanity budget for the movie's age rating to let the pharmacist call Mike an asshole. Love it.

WILLIAM ALWAYS COMES BACK

But Cupcake was the real villain all along.

That's all I remember for now. I might edit this later if I remember more. Very cool movie :^) 👍👍

[nin-jay-go]

liveblogging dragons rising

all thoughts under the cut!

this is so pretty so far

oh this is a lesbian. kreel is like if the mad hatter was a lesbian

LOBBO IS MY NEW FAVORITE CHARACTER

"i'm going to kill your whole family" GOOD LIRD THIS IS DARK

"I THINK I MADE A BOMB" JSHFKJSKDJF

"elemental powers are complicated" yea dude they sure are

THEYRE BROTHERS YOUR HONOR

oh why is it RAIyu and not REEyu. i thought they were riffing off the japanese word for dragon for his name (ryuu)

lobbo my BEST FRIEND

oh THATS why cole's memorial thing was in the trailer. i see.

is this dorama guy here to . here to c. here to cause drama

(he's so fun actually i like him)

Oh What The Fuck

oh shit the showman is coming back?? excited

kai is fuckin dead

SCIENTIST LADY 😳😳😳😳😳😳

oh wait. if all imperium ppl have those markings, is this like the secret markings humans have? but visible? bc that'd be cool

my friend: [the cragling mud] looks like their eyes. i don't like that.

buddy why are you excited to eat mud...... buddy........... arin.....

sometimes i can still hear his voice 😔😔😔

dragon = nuke

THE CLOUD FUCKING KINGDOM ARE YOU KIDDING ME

thats a fucking mindflayer. what the fuck.

WHAT

THE NEW MASTER OF WIND??????? IS A CLOUD KINGDOM MONK??????? HUHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK

i hate the cloud kingdom. whyyyyy is it the way that it is

my friend: it is interesting that the cloud kingdom is confirmed to be full of shit

WHAT IS THIS BOOKWORM LITTLE THING. I LOVE THEM CAN I HAVE TWENTY

alright time to see this so-called wind master

why does she sound like a self-insert 😭

EUPHRASIA?!?!?!!?!!!??!!?!?!?!?

*insert the crying of everyone with a morro lives / morro redemption au*

(like its fine for canon but alterline is weeping)

me: [the wolf] is a hologram with mass! my friend: that means it matters :)

sora has protagonist hair jdkfhgkjdfgkjh

oh!!! the imperium markings come in with age :0 or maybe they're a rank thing idk yet

ohhhhh the scientist lady (dr larrow?) is her role model :0 [this is the point where i lost subtitles lol]

did those kids call sora anna?

WOMANNNNNNNN

"sora? the ancient imperium word for orphan?" HELLO??????

me: i want to kiss [larrow] on the mouth my friend: why do you want to go for the villain me: she's hot my friend: women in stem!

BRO SHE JUST GOT DISOWNED. JESUS CHRIST.

dr. lampshade floorpanel and dr doyll donmagar.......

lloyd: what's the shaming floor my friend: twitter sora: its a livestream me: so its twitch

i forgot to write this down but arin is the new master of SPIN

PERCIVAL TARTIGRADE

STOP DEADNAMING SORA LET HER BE NONBINARY

get flashbanged idiots

oh!!!! wildfire was raised by dragons!!! thats so fun

what is happening- OH WILDFIRE

friend: do you remember atla? the dragons

why is wu's ghost haunting the monastery my friend: its a wu-o-wisp!

TINY LLOYD WITH SAM VINCENT'S VOICE IS SO FUNNY JKHGSFKDSKDJH really couldn't get jillian michaels

OH AND THE S10 GI ON A BABY LLOYD LMAOOOOO

"this looks like a monastery!" no the fuck it doesn't you're in an underground Chamber

DONT LET THE FUCKING GOLDEN WEAPONS REPEAT

sora: i can't use my true potential my friend: then use your fake potential

mmmmm beatrix hot woman :]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS CELESTIA, PRINCESS OF EQUESTRIA my friend: i wanna see someone overlay this dialogue on top of footage of celestia

MEANERY

they're seriously gonna torture a BABY DRAGON?????

hehehe ras ear twitch :3

LLOYD HAS A CONCUSSION

THE GHOST OF MASTER WU

ZANE IS IN THE FUCKING EGG????

ZANE WAS IN CRYO??????

WHERE ARE JAY COLE AND PIX. WHERE ARE THEY

my friend, in response to sora's name reveal: we named the dog indiana

me: jay and cole are off on their honeymoon my friend: they're in the bahamas

"there can't be two elemental masters of fire! it doesn't make sense! also its rude!"

THE IMPOSSIBLE KID

STOP DEADNAMING HERRRRRRRR

miss beatrix can i kiss you on the mouth

i warned you about those stairs bro :y

THE DRAGON TALKS?????? and why does it sound like unagami

OH HES BIG

a conduit?????? changed forever????? 👀👀👀👀

he gettin ZOOMED

me and my friend: DID LLOYD DIE??? AGAIN????

now lloyd and arin BOTH have concussions!

oh he glowin

your holograms appear to be glitching maam

I WARNED YOU ABOUT THOSE STAIRS BRO :y

rapton is very pathetic

LLOYD'S WAR FLASHBACKS OH NO

lloyd voice i'm adopting you arin

OOP RAS IS CAPTURED. THIS IS ANTI-FURRY

oh. she has a mech.

so that means the weird green ghosty guy (and jay/cole/pix) are in season 2 :0 i'm so excitedddddd

final thoughts this was cool as shit. i loved this very much. ouoUOAUOAUAOAUOU

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

side notes from my last episode of Miss Scarlet that didn't fit into the other post I just made:

-- DETECTIVE FITZROY. THAT BOY. for real I don't think anything could BE cuter than his little grin at Eliza when they're standing the doorway at the end of the case. AAA. LOOKIT THE SOFT BABIES.

-- I appreciated the complexity with Detective Phelps!! he wasn't reduced to a stereotype *or* just a simplistic subversion of a stereotype!! he was interesting!! I think I actually may like him as a character now??

-- (I mean he's still going to keep being a jerk to both Fitzroy and Eliza, I'm sure. and I'll hate him for that. but he's multidimensional and interesting now, he's not just 'The Office Bully With Seniority'. and I can understand a little better why he is the way that he is. and I always appreciate when writers give us that in characters.)

-- ok this one's gonna be kinda long:

on the one hand, of course I wanna be irked at William for courting Arabella. but on the other... I cannot blame him? she's got a lot of what he's indicated he would want in a potential wife, and while I do believe that he loves Eliza anyway... she's resisted all of his attempts to court her, or even to move their relationship past anything beyond friendship((+ """secret""" unspoken pining)). he directly asked her whether she would ever want a family of her own the last time we saw them interacting together, and she dismissed it immediately. as far as he's concerned, she's fully indicated that she's got no interest in being courted by him or having any sort of formal future with him. or anyone else, for that matter.

basically, I'm just thinking... there's no commitment between William and Eliza. they've already formally agreed to keep their official relationship to 'old friends/professional working partners,' even if there are other, more complicated emotions under the surface. and sure, it's kind of angering that he's so attracted to the one person Eliza Can Not manage to get along with, or even to like. the one person who always made her feel Inferior and Disgusting and Worthless at school. but... he has no real bond to Eliza. not right now. and there's nothing that's stopping him from courting Arabella. and I don't see that it's wrong for him to do it.

-- it IS wrong for him to make Eliza cry at a distance while watching them together tho so I shall once again renew my vow to break the nose of this fictional character immediately

[cnradfisher]

𝙳𝙸𝚅𝙴 𝙳𝙴𝙴𝙿𝙴𝚁. the ultimate conrad fisher playlist. songs that conrad relates to, or songs that he would listen to.

𝙴𝚇𝙸𝙻𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝙵𝚃. 𝙱𝙾𝙽 𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚁 .

like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me. second, third, and hundredth chances. balancing on breaking branches, those eyes add insult to injury. i think i've seen this film before and i didn't like the ending. i'm not your problem anymore, so who am i offending now? you were my crown, now i'm in exile seeing you out. i think i've seen this film before, so i'm leaving out the side door.

so step right out, there's no amount of crying i can do for you. all this time we always walked a very thin lie, you didn't even hear me out. (didn't even hear me out) you never gave a warning sign. (i gave so many signs) all this time, i never learned to read your mind. (never learned to read my mind) i couldn't turn things around. (never turn things around) cause you never gave a warning sign. (i gave so many signs)

𝙿𝙸𝙴𝙲𝙴𝚂 - 𝚁𝙴𝙳 .

i'm here again, a thousand miles away from you. a broken mess, just scattered pieces of who i am. i've come so far, thought i could do this on my own. i've lost so much along the way. then i see your face, i know i'm finally yours. i find everything i thought i lost before. you call my name, i come to you in pieces, so you can make me whole.

𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙲𝙰𝙽 - 𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙲𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙰 .

every time we drift, we're forcing what is wrong. at last that voice is gone. please take your time, but you've gotta know that i am taking sight. oh, you look good with your patient face and wandering eyes. don't hold this war inside.

come back when you can. let go, you'll understand. you've done nothing at all to make me love you less. so come back when you can. come back, i'll help you stand. let go and hold my hand. if all you wanted was me, then i'll give you nothing less.

𝚆𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 - 𝙱𝙸𝚁𝙳𝚈 .

lights go down, in the moment we're lost and found. i just wanna be by your side, if these wings could fly. damn these walls, in the moment we're ten feet tall. and how you told me after it all, we'd remember tonight for the rest of our lives.

𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙴 𝚂𝙾 𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙴𝙻𝚈 - 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝚃𝚈𝙻𝙴𝚂 .

don't blame me for falling, i was just a little boy. don't blame the drunk caller, wasn't ready for it all. you can't blame me, darling, not even a little bit. i was away, and i'm just an arrogant son of a bitch who can't admit when he's sorry. don't call me baby again, you've got your reasons. know that you're tryna be friends, i know you mean it. don't call me baby again, it's hard for me to go home.

𝚂𝙾𝚁𝚁𝚈 - 𝙷𝙰𝙻𝚂𝙴𝚈 .

i've missed your calls for months it seems, don't realize how mean i can be. cause i can sometimes treat the people that i love like jewelry. cause i can change my mind each day. i didn't mean to try you on. but i still know your birthday and your mother's favorite song.

i run away when things are good, i never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could. and so it seems i broke your heart. my ignorance has struck again, i failed to see it from the start, and tore you open till the end.

someone will love you. someone will love you. someone will love you, but someone isn't me.

𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙸𝚂 𝙼𝙴 𝚃𝚁𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

i've been having a hard time adjusting, i had the shiniest wheels now they're rusting. i didn't know if you'd care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that. pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down. and baby, i don't quite know what to say, but i'm here in your doorway. i just wanted you to know that this is me trying.

they told me all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all of my potential. and my words shoot to kill when i'm mad, i have a lot of regrets about that. i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here. pouring out my heart to a stranger, but i didn't pour the whiskey.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙾𝚈 𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙺𝙴𝙳 𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙾𝚆𝙽 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚃 - 𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙽𝙴𝚆 .

if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. you can tell me how vile i already know that i am. i'll grow old, start acting my age. be a brand new day in a life that you hate. a crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone and hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.

call me a safe bet, i'm betting i'm not. i'm glad that you can forgive. only hoping as times goes, you can forget.

𝙲𝙻𝙰𝙸𝚁𝚅𝙾𝚈𝙰𝙽𝚃 - 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙾𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝙾 𝙵𝙰𝚁 .

i think you'll notice when things become different, the good vibes in our lives won't feel so consistent. and less becomes more, cause the weight is too heavy. i swim in the water that's breaking your levy.

the way that you left me's alright, it's alright. if i argue the point then we yell and we fight. and i won't be home for the rest of the night. you might hate my words, but you know that i'm right.

i only have but one complaint at the moment. don't paint me black when i used to be golden.

𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝙸 𝙼𝙰𝙳𝙴 𝙵𝙾𝚁 - 𝙱𝙸𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙴 𝙴𝙸𝙻𝙸𝚂𝙷 .

i used to float, now i just fall down. i used to know, but i'm not sure now what i was made for. what was i made for? taking a drive, i was an ideal. looked so alive, turns out i'm not real.

when did it end? all the enjoyment. i'm sad again. don't tell my boyfriend, it's not when he's made for.

𝚂𝚄𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙺𝙴𝚃 𝙵𝙻𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚁𝚂 - 𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝙷𝙴𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙽 .

dad always told me 'don't you cry when you're down', but mom, there's a tear every time that i blink. i'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but i know a heart's that broke is a heart that's been loved. so i'll sing hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mom. when i fell down, you'd be there holding me up, spread your wings as you go. and when god takes you back, he'll sing hallelujah, you're home.

i fluffed the pillows, made the bed, stacked the chairs up. folded your nightgowns neatly in a case, john said he'd drive, then put his hand on my cheek and wiped a tear from the side of my face. and i hope that i see the world as you did, cause i know a life we've loved is a life that's been lived.

𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚁𝚈 - 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝚃𝚈𝙻𝙴𝚂 .

don't you call him baby, we're not talking lately. don't you call him what you used to call me. i confess, i can tell that you were at your best. i'm selfish so i'm hating it.

𝙸 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄, 𝙸'𝙼 𝚂𝙾𝚁𝚁𝚈 - 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴 𝙰𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙼𝚂 .

you said forever and i almost bought it. i miss fighting in your old apartment, breaking dishes when you're disappointed. i still love you, i promise. nothing happened in the way i wanted, every corner of this house is haunted. and i know you said that we're not talking, but i miss you, i'm sorry.

𝙷𝙰𝙿𝙿𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚂 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

in the disbelief, i can't face reinvention. i haven't met the new me yet. there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you. both of these things can be true, there is happiness past the blood and bruised. past the curses and cries. beyond the terror in the nightfall, haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime. leave it all behind, and there is happiness.

tell me when did your winning smile begin to look like a smirk? when did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointing at my deepest hurt? i hope she'll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you, no i didn't mean that. sorry, i can't see facts through all of my fury.

i can't make it go away by making you a villain. i guess it's the price i pay for seven years in heaven. and i pulled your body into mine every goddamn night, now i get fake niceties. no one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you, and you know you hurt him too.

honey, when i'm above the trees, i see it for what it is. now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head. after giving you the best i had, tell me what to give after that. all you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness.

𝙲𝙰𝙽 𝙸 𝙱𝙴 𝙷𝙸𝙼 - 𝙹𝙰𝙼𝙴𝚂 𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙷𝚄𝚁 .

you took me back in time to when i was unbroken. now you're all i want and i knew it from the very first moment. cause a light came on when i heard that song, and i want you to sing it again. i swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me. like it was a private show, i know you never saw me. when the lights come on and i'm on my own, will you be there to sing it again? can i be the one you talk about in all your stories? can i be him?

𝙸'𝙻𝙻 𝙱𝙴 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 - 𝙹𝙰𝚈𝙼𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙶 .

my past has tasted bitter for years now, so i wield an iron fist. grace is just weakness, or so i've been told. i've been cold, i've been merciless. but the blood on my hands scares me to death, maybe i'm waking up today.

𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙹𝙾𝚁𝙸𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

never be so kind you forget to be clever, never be so clever you forget to be kind.

the autumn chill that wakes me up, you loved the amber skies so much. long limbs and frozen swims, you'd always go past where our feet could touch. and i complained the whole way there, the car ride back and up the stairs.

i should've asked you questions, i should've asked you how to be. asked you to write it down for me, should've kept every grocery store receipt cause every scrap of you would be taken from me. watched as you signed your name 'marjorie', all your closets of backlog dreams, and how you left them all to me.

𝙳𝙾𝚆𝙽 - 𝙹𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙺𝙴𝚁 .

i shot for the sky, i'm stuck on the ground. so why do i try? i know i'm gonna fall down. i thought i could fly, so why did i drown? i'll never know why, it's coming down, down, down.

𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃 - 𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙽𝙰𝚂 𝚃𝚁𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙷 .

i stayed for a while and waited for words, seen but not heard and struggled to try. my tongue's turning black, but i'll take you back. you're still the best, more or less, i guess.

it hurts me to say that it hurts me to stay and it might be alright if you go.

𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝚁𝙴 𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙼𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

remember looking at this room, we loved it cause of the light. now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time. do i throw out everything we built, or keep it? i'm getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes. mended all her gashes. you might just have dealt the final blow.

every morning i glared at you with storms in my eyes. how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? i sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick. my face was gray but you wouldn't admit that we were sick. and the air is thick with loss and indecision, i know my pain is such an imposition. now you're running down the hallway, and you know what they all say - you don't know what you got until it's gone.

𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚈 - 𝙼𝙰𝚈𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙴 .

oh, can you tell i haven't slept very well since the last time that we spoke? you said 'please understand, if i see you again, don't even say hello. please.'

all the love's still there i just don't know what to do with it now. you know i still can't believe we both did some things i don't even wanna think about. just say you love me, and i'll say i'm sorry, i don't want anybody else to feel this way. oh, can you tell i haven't slept very well since the last time that we spoke? i said 'please understand i've been drinking again, and all i do is hope. please stay.'

i'll admit i was wrong about everything, cause i'm high and i don't wanna come down. all the fun that we had on your mother's couch, i don't even wanna think about. i'm not strong enough for the both of us, what was i supposed to do? you know i love you.

𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙴 - 𝙻𝚄𝙺𝙴 𝙷𝙴𝙼𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 .

i wake up every morning with the years ticking by, i'm missing all these memories - maybe they were never mine. i feel the walls are closing, i'm running out of time. i think i missed the gun at the starting line.

𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

your kiss, my cheek, i watched you leave. your smile, my ghost, i fell to my knees. when you're young you just run, but you come back to what you need.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝚆𝙴 𝙼𝙴𝚃 - 𝙻𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙷𝚄𝚁𝙾𝙽 .

i am not the only traveler who has not repaid his debt. i've been searching for a trail to follow again. take me back to the night we met. and then i can tell myself what the hell i'm supposed to do. and then i can tell myself not to ride along with you. i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. take me back to the night we met. i don't know what i'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you.

𝙱𝚁𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁 - 𝙺𝙾𝙳𝙰𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙴 .

we've taken different paths, travelled different roads; i know we'll always end up on the same one when we're old. and when you're in the trenches and you're under fire, i will cover you.

if i was dying, on my knees, you would be the one to rescue me. and if you were drowned at sea, i'd give you my lungs so you could breathe. i've got you, brother.

we're living different lives, heaven only knows if we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes. five years, twenty years, come back we'll always be the same.

𝙷𝙾𝙻𝙳 𝙼𝙴 𝚆𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚆𝙰𝙸𝚃 - 𝙻𝙴𝚆𝙸𝚂 𝙲𝙰𝙿𝙰𝙻𝙳𝙸 .

i wish that i was good enough. if only i could wake you up, my love, my love, my love. my love, won't you stay a while? tell me more, tell me something i don't know. did we go close to having it all? if you're gonna waste my time, let's waste it right, and hold me while you wait.

𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝙶𝙾 𝚃𝙾 𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙸𝙴𝚂 - 𝟻 𝚂𝙴𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙳𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝚂𝚄𝙼𝙼𝙴𝚁 .

i'm still here in the darkness, back where we started. you made me a heartless monster. i'm caught up in distractions, fatal attractions. i'm starting to come undone. and now it's 5am, clinging to my couch, and everyone i ever knew is standing in my house. oh, i wonder who i'm looking for cause you don't go to parties anymore. i got the last five years running out my mouth, always stay too late, i should kick me out.

𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙼𝙴 - 𝙾𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙰 𝚁𝙾𝙳𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙾 .

and i watched as you fled the scene, doe-eyed as you buried me. one heart broke, four hands bloody. the things i did, just so i could call you mine. the things you did, well i hope i was your favorite crime.

𝚂𝙾𝙾𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝙻𝙻 𝙶𝙴𝚃 𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

desperate people find faith, so now i pray to jesus, too. and i say to you, soon you'll get better. soon you'll get better. you'll get better soon, cause you have to.

i know delusion when i see it in the mirror. you like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal. i just pretend it isn't real. i'll paint the kitchen neon, i'll brighten up the sky. i know i'll never get it, there's not a day that i won't try.

and i hate to make this all about me.. but who am i supposed to talk to? what am i supposed to do if there's no you? this won't go back to normal, if it ever was, it's been years of hoping and i keep saying it because i have to.

𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚃𝙻𝙴 𝙵𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙺 - 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝚃𝚈𝙻𝙴𝚂 .

i was thinking about who you are, your delicate point of view. i was thinking about you. i'm not worried about where you are, or who you go home to. i'm just thinking about you.

i disrespected you, jumped in feet first and i landed too hard. broken ankle, karma rules. you never saw my birthmark.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙰𝚁𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚁 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

i never grew up, it's getting so old. help me hold onto you. i've been the archer, i've been the prey. who could ever leave me, darling? but who could stay?

and i cut off my nose just to spite my face, and i hate my reflection for years and years. i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost, the room is on fire, invisible smoke. and all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you.

they see right through me, they see right through me, they see right through me, can you see right through me? they see right through me, i see right through me.

all the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put me together again cause all of my enemies started off friends.

𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝙻𝚂 𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝙾𝙽 - 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙸𝚅𝙾𝚁𝚈 .

do you care about all the little things, or anything at all? i wanna feel all the chemicals inside. i want a sunburn just to know that i'm alive, to know i'm alive. don't tell me if i'm dying, cause i don't wanna know. if i can't see the sun maybe i should go. don't wake me cause i'm dreaming of angels on the moon, where everyone you know never leaves too soon.

𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙳𝙾 𝙸 𝚂𝙰𝚈 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳𝙱𝚈𝙴 - 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙽 𝙻𝙴𝚆𝙸𝚂 .

you gave me my name, and the color of your eyes, i see your face when i look at mine. so how do i say goodbye? when i couldn't, you always saw the best in me. right or wrong, you were always on my side. i'm scared of what life without you's like, and i saw the way she looked into your eyes. and i promise if you go, i will make sure she's alright. there's no way you could ever let me down.

𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝚁𝙴 𝙾𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙾𝚆𝙽, 𝙺𝙸𝙳 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

from sprinkler splashes, to fireplace ashes, i gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this. i hosted parties, and starved my body, like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss. the jokes weren't funny, i took the money, my friends from home don't know what to say.

there were pages turned with the bridges burned. everything you lose is a step you take. you've got no reason to be afraid. you're on your own, kid. you can face this.

𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙸 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 - 𝙺𝙾𝙳𝙰𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙴 .

when you said your last goodbye, i died a little bit inside. i lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side. if you loved me, why'd you leave me? take my body, take my body. all i want is, all i need is to find somebody. i'll find somebody.

𝙷𝙰𝙻𝙵 𝙰 𝙼𝙰𝙽 - 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙽 𝙻𝙴𝚆𝙸𝚂 .

when i told her it was over, my darling, i had lied. i've been running from my demons, afraid to look behind. i've been running from myself, afraid of what i'd find. how am i supposed to love you when i don't love who i am?

i'm a sinking ship that's burning, so let go of my hand. how can i give you all of me, when i'm only half a man?

𝙷𝚈𝙼𝙽 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 - 𝚁𝙴𝙳 .

thought you were beside me, but i reached and you were gone. sometimes i hear you calling from some lost and distant shore. i hear you crying softly for the way it was before.

𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙼𝚈 𝚁𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙸𝙾𝙽 - 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝚃𝙸𝙲𝙴𝙽𝚃 .

that's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion. trying to keep up with you, and i don't know if i can do it. oh no, i've said too much. i haven't said enough.

𝙼𝚈 𝚃𝙴𝙰𝚁𝚂 𝚁𝙸𝙲𝙾𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚃 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

if i'm on fire you'll be made of ashes, too. even on my worst day, did i deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me? cause i loved you, i swear i loved you till my dying day. i didn't have it in myself to go with grace, and you're the hero flying around saving face. and if i'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? cursing my name, wishing i stayed, look at how my tears ricochet.

we gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean. some to throw, some to make a diamond ring. you know i didn't want to have to haunt you, but what a ghostly scene. you wear the same jewels that i gave you as you bury me.

𝙴𝙰𝚂𝚈 ��𝙽 𝙼𝙴 - 𝙰𝙳𝙴𝙻𝙴 .

there ain't no gold in this river that i've been washing my hands in forever. i know there is hope in these waters, but i can't bring myself to swim when i am drowning in the silence, baby, let me in. go easy on me, baby. i was still a child, didn't get the chance to feel the world around me. i had no time to choose what i chose to do.

𝙿𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝙽𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝙵𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙸𝙽 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 𝙰𝙶𝙰𝙸𝙽 - 𝙾𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙴 𝙼𝙽 .

you and me need never be lonely again. spin with me endlessly, or at least until the end. please never fall in love again. oh, please never fall in love again. and if some other guy catches your eye, please just text me your goodbye. you know i don't look pretty when i cry, and i don't want that to be your final glimpse of me.

𝚂𝙷𝙰𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙳 - 𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚈𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙳𝙰𝚈 .

and i've lost who i am and i can't understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love. without love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on. but i know, all i know, that the end's beginning. who i am from the start, take me home to my heart. let me go and i will run, i will not be silenced. all this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain. all is lost, hope remains.

𝚂𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝙵𝚃. 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙰 𝙳𝙴𝙻 𝚁𝙴𝚈 .

one night a few moons ago, i saw flecks of what could've been lights, but it might just have been you passing by unbeknownst to me. life is emotionally abusive and time can't stop me quite like you did.

this scene feels like what i once saw on a screen. i searched 'aurora borealis green'. i've never seen someone lit from within, blurring out my periphery. my smile is like i won a contest and to hide that would be so dishonest, and it's fine to fake it till you make it. till you do. till it's true.

i can't speak, afraid to jinx it. i don't even dare to wish it. but your eyes are flying saucers from another planet. now i'm all for you like janet. can this be a real thing? can it?

𝙸𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙸𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚃 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴 - 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝚈 .

i know you did all you could just to make sure my life was good. sorry for the fights and the tone of my voice. sorry for the nights when i made the wrong choice. life is flying by and it's hitting me now.

i hope it's not, but if this is the last time, please come close. i love you with all of my heart, you know. i don't wanna cry, i'm bad at goodbye. if this is the last time then let's do the things we always do. like go to the mall and buy some shoes. i don't wanna cry, i'm bad at goodbye,

𝙱𝙴 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙴 - 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝟷𝟿𝟽𝟻 .

i shouldn't have called cause we shouldn't speak. you do make me hard, but she makes me weak. and don't wait outside my hotel room, just wait till i give you a sign cause i get lonesome sometimes. save all the jokes you're gonna make, while i see how much drink i can take, then by my mistake.

𝙸𝙽 𝙼𝚈 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙾𝙳 - 𝚂𝙷𝙰𝚆𝙽 𝙼𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚂 .

laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing. i'm overwhelmed and insecure. give me something i can take to ease my mind slowly. just have a drink and you'll feel better, just take her home and you'll feel better. keep telling me that it gets better, does it ever?

help me, it's like the walls are caving in. sometimes i feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough. someone help me, i'm crawling in my skin. sometimes i feel like giving up, but i just can't. it isn't in my blood.

𝙼𝙸𝚁𝚁𝙾𝚁𝙱𝙰𝙻𝙻 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

hush, i know they said the end is near but i'm still on my tallest tiptoes, spinning in my highest heels, love. shining just for you. and they called off the circus, burned the disco down. when they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns, i'm still on that tightrope. i'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me. and i'm still a believer, but i don't know why. i've never been a natural. all i do is try, try, try. i'm still on that trapeze, i'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me.

𝙵𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 - 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝚃𝚈𝙻𝙴𝚂 .

forget what i said, it's not what i meant. and i can't take it back, i can't unpack the baggage you left. what am i now? what am i now? what if i'm someone i don't want around?

what if i'm down? what if i'm out? what if i'm someone you won't talk about? i'm falling again, i'm falling again, i'm falling.

𝙾𝙻𝙳𝙴𝚁 - 𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙻𝚈 .

sometimes i wonder how things would turn out if i stayed in school, never left my hometown. i don't do the things i'm supposed to. emotional rollercoaster, keep it all on my shoulders hoping no one will notice. i'm not good at getting older.

𝙼𝙸𝚂𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝙰𝚃 𝙱𝙴𝚂𝚃 - 𝙼𝙰𝚈𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙴 .

you're all that i hoped i'd find, in every single way. and everything i would give, is everything you couldn't take. cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away. and the hardest of living is just taking breaths to stay. cause i know i'm good for something, i just haven't found it yet. and i need it.

let's not pretend like you're alone tonight, i know he's there and you're probably hanging out and making eyes while across the room he stares. i'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes. because these words were never easier for me to say, or her to second guess. but i guess, that i can live without you but, without you i'll be miserable at best.

𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴 𝚆𝙴 𝚄𝚂𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙾 - 𝙰 𝚁𝙾𝙲𝙺𝙴𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝙾𝙽 .

if only i could be in that bed again, if only it were me instead of him. does he watch your favorite movies? does he hold you when you cry? does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times? does he sing to all your music, while you dance to 'purple rain'? does he do all these things like i used to?

will he love you like i loved you? will he tell you everyday? will he make you feel like you're invincible with every word he'll say? can you promise me if this one's right, don't throw it all away.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚃 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝙵𝚃. 𝙶𝙰𝚁𝚈 𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙱𝙾𝙳𝚈 .

this is the last time you tell me i've got it wrong. this is the last time i say 'it's been you all along'. this is the last time i let you in my door. this is the last time, i won't hurt you anymore. this is the last time i'm asking you this. put my name at the top of your list. this is the last time i'm asking you why. you break my heart in the blink of an eye.

𝙼𝚁. 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙼𝙰𝙽 - 𝚁𝙸𝙲𝙺𝚈 𝙼𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙶𝙾𝙼𝙴𝚁��� .

leaving me daft and dim, i've got this shake in my legs. shaking the thoughts from my head. but who put these waves in the door? i crack and out i pour. i'm mr. loverman, and i miss my lover, man.

𝚂𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙼𝚈𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙵 - 𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝙷𝙴𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙽 .

life can get you down, so i just numb the way it feels. or drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills. and all the ones that loved me, they just left me on the shelf. no farewell. so before i save someone else, i've got to save myself.

𝙷𝙾𝙰𝚇 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 .

my only one, my smoking gun, my eclipsed sun; this has broken me down. my twisted knife, my sleepless night, my windless fight; this has frozen my ground. stood on the cliffside, screaming 'give me a reason'. your faithless love's the only hoax i believe in. don't want no other shade of blue but you, no other sadness in the world would do.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝚄𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙰𝙻𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙱𝙻𝙴𝙴𝙳𝚂 - 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙽 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝚈 .

i don't love you anymore, a pretty line that i adore. five words that i've heard before. cause you keep me on a rope and tied a noose around my throat. you're gone, then back at my door. so if you're gonna leave, better leave, better do it fast. can't live a little longer sitting on your lap cause you know what you're doing when you're coming back, and i don't wanna have another heart attack. oh, i can't be your lover on a leash, every other week when you please. i can't be the kiss that you don't need, the lie between your teeth, the cut that always bleeds.

say you love somebody new and beat my heart to black and blue. then they leave and it's me you'll come back to. to say you loved me all along and kiss the bruises till they're gone. bittersweet, cause i can't breathe inside your arms.

𝙸 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙰𝚂 𝙰 𝙶𝙷𝙾𝚂𝚃 - 𝚃𝙸𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝙿𝙾𝙽𝚈 .

well i want you as you are, not some collapsing star. i'll wait, i'll wait for good. what else can i do? i don't want you as a ghost. i don't want you as a fading light. i don't wanna be the weight you carry. i just wanna be the man you come home to every night.

𝙿𝙰𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙵𝙻𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚁𝚂 - 𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴 𝙻𝙾𝚆 .

try to open up my eyes, i'm hoping for a chance to make it alright. when i wake up the dream isn't done, i wanna see your face and know i've made it home. if nothing is true, what more can i do? i am still painting flowers for you.

𝙵𝚄𝙽𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙻 - 𝙿𝙷𝙾𝙴𝙱𝙴 𝙱𝚁𝙸𝙳𝙶𝙴𝚁𝚂 .

and last night I blacked out in my car and i woke up in my childhood bed, wishing i was someone else, feeling sorry for myself. jesus christ, i'm so blue all the time. and that's just how i feel, always have and i always will.

𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙽𝙴𝚆 - 𝚃𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙾𝚁 𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝙵𝚃. 𝙿𝙷𝙾𝙴𝙱𝙴 𝙱𝚁𝙸𝙳𝙶𝙴𝚁𝚂 .

lord, what will become of me once i've lost my novelties? i've had too much to drink tonight, and i know it's sad, but this is what i think about. and i wake up in the middle of the night, it's like i can feel time moving. how can a person know everything at eighteen, but nothing at twenty-two?

𝚄𝙽𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙰𝙳𝚈 - 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴 𝙰𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙼𝚂 .

but it's so hard when it feels like my fault, when i keep 'em so far. happens when i go dark, i'm so unsteady. lately, i've been staring at the ceiling. it's a sort of funny quiet feeling. lately, i don't know what to believe in. none of this changing with the seasons.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙾𝙽𝙴𝚂 𝙸 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 - 𝙾𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙰 𝚁𝙾𝙳𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙾 .

the radio is up and so is your guard. you don't know what to say. you're faking a smile, say that you're fine, and maybe it'll all work out in time. you've always been good that way.

feel like i've done this before, you're fighting your tears as i open the door and you deserve much more. seems like i always hurt the ones i love. and i watch you cry, cause i wasn't enough. watch you disappearing down the road, seems like i always hurt the ones i love the most.

and what did i do? what did i do? i built you up, abandoned you, and i'm too proud to say sorry.

i didn't mean it, baby, i didn't think it all through. i didn't mean it, baby, always ruin good things like you. i watched the life drain out of your eyes, and it's no surprise.

[divkazkdovikde]

conan gray speaking from my soul

alias me coded lyric

killin’ parts of myself to fit you

clear as shit i was not the issue

//

still can’t believe that this isn’t a dream

falling in love with a damn fantasy

that’s so me, so me

//

they were just sixteen

when the people were mean

so they didn't love themselves

//

i know i'm not the one you really love

i guess that's why i've never given up

/

i want more

but i'm not yours

and i can't change your mind

but you're still mine

//

but lately i've been feeling strange

and everybody's telling me to act my age

i never thought that everything i had would fade away

/

could i get a rewind?

get another chance, take it back in time

'cause i don't know what to do

with everything i'm going through

//

it's just so you, you're just so predictable

won't you try somethin' original?

old news, reused, that's why i don't cry

cause i got a feelin'

you're comin' back just like you have in the past

//

'cause socially speaking, we were the same

with runaway fathers and mothers who drank

/

the only mistake that we didn't make was run

(now look what we've done)

//

'cause the potential of us,

it was keepin' me up all night long

/

but if i'm readin' it wrong, man,

it'd be better off if i died, oh

//

i've got tired eyes, a black sky

making its home under my lash line

/

i'll keep on staring at the clock tryna pass time

and my life, it flies by

/

mean dreams, can't sleep

younger me thought this'd be more bittersweet

//

you taught me a lesson, that love isn't precious

it's not like the novels, no pride and prejudice at all

//

my god, don't look at your phone

no one's gonna call you

//

mid-november, and i'm sippin' on a half-cold coffee

starin' at a girl who's not me

on your arm, a carbon copy

/

feels like we had matching wounds

but mine's still black and bruised

and yours is perfectly fine

//

why, why, why, why?

why, why, why, why?

why, why, why?

/

'cause we are the helpless, selfish, one of a kind

millennium kids, that all wanna die

walking in the street with no light inside our eyes

we are the worthless, cursed with too much time

we get into trouble and lose our minds

it's something that i've heard a million times in my life

generation why

/

this town don't got much to do

and you and i haven't got much to lose

so do you wanna leave everyone in this place for good?

/

we're livin' night to night

since we're bound to die, oh

oh, what's the use in trying?

//

i made it out, it seems

i think i'm ready to

grow, to grow

//

this town will never change

people come and go, it's all the same

i never learned anybody's name

we all vowed that we wouldn't stay

//

baby don't lie

he's just a lookalike

//

fight or flight, i'd rather die

than have to cry in front of you

fight or flight, i'd rather lie

than tell you i'm in love with you

//

it's hard to put it into words

how the holidays will always hurt

i watch the fathers with their little girls

and wonder what i did to deserve this

how could you hurt a little kid?

i can't forget, i can't forgive you

'cause now i'm scared that everyone i love will leave me

/

oh, all that i did to try to undo it

all of my pain and all your excuses

i was a kid but i wasn't clueless

(someone who loves you wouldn't do this)

all of my past, i tried to erase it

but now i see, would i even change it?

might share a face and share a last name, but

(we are not the same)

//

and you laugh and you dance in the wind

and you sway and you hug and you kiss

but there's darkness behind those eyes

even when you smile

/

aren't you way too busy

taking care of everybody

to take care of yourself?

//

but i wanna feel all that love and emotion

be that attached to the person i'm holding

someday, i'll be falling without caution

but for now, i'm only people watching

i'm only looking just to live through you vicariously

i've never really been in love, not seriously

i had a dream about a house behind a picket fence

next one i choose to trust, i hope i use some common sense

but i cut people out like tags on my clothing

i end up all alone but i still keep hoping

//

this hurt that i'm holding's getting heavy

but i'ma keep a smile on my shoulders 'til i'm sweaty

begging on my knees

screamin', "someone come and help me"

but by the time they're there

i've already hid the body

my breath's gettin' short and i'm unsteady

wellin' up in tears as i lay upon your belly

telling you i'm fine

i don't really need nobody

/

yeah, i just needed company now

yeah, i just needed someone around

yeah, i don't care what song that we play

or mess that we make

just company now

comfort crowd

//

but please don't ruin this for me

please don't make it harder than it already is

i'm trying to get over this

//

money, money, ain't it funny, honey

when you get what you need

baby, life is a breeze

money, money, give me money, money

'til i'm bloody, bloody

/

they say, "money can't buy you no love"

but a diamond cheers you right up

[jigsaw, movies, the story, yours, little league, telepath, astronomy, disaster, the other side, footnote, crush culture, the exit, generation why, grow, idle town, summer child, people watching, comfort crowd, affluenza]

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Unexpected 51

Warnings: non/dubcon, pregnancy, pegging, Lloyd being the worst, post partum, csection, suicidial ideation, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

Trapped in another holding pattern. That's all that life seems to be. Phases. Dull and prolonged. Waiting but for what?

Your days aren't much different than before Lloyd's return. He may as well have stayed gone. For you, he's not there. He's nothing. He doesn't deserve to be anything to you.

Your routine once more stagnates; sleep and feedings and some crying. Between it all, you see Harlan or Dottie, sometimes both. Your mother-in-law has grown quiet, even evasive, since her son came back. You know why but you won't argue with her or her precious Marion.

You get your walks in, looking forward to the escape from the suffocating walls. Andy passes you often, waving or saying hi. He doesn't try to talk again, not with your father around. They barely acknowledge each other. You ignore his texts. You're still trying to figure it all out.

When you're at home, Harlan holds Luna as you catch up on your reality TV. You whisper back and forth about your most hated personalities. It can never be what it once was, or what you wished it could be, but it's manageable.

That day, Harlan and Dottie go into town to do some shopping. You haven't seen Lloyd but you don't mourn his absence. Not like before.

You have Luna downstairs in her rolling bassinet. She's fully fed and sleepy. You might do some cooking. You're finally feeling up to it.

You shiver and watch your daughter dozing peacefully. Why is it so cold in here? You hug yourself and notice the draft freezing in from the kitchen. You find one of the french doors slightly open and push it shut. You can guess who did it. You should lock him out but you'd rather not provoke a confrontation.

You go back to the front room. Something feels off. You don't know. Maybe it's just the empty house. You check the thermostat then the bassinet. Luna is tucked against the side. She must feel it too.

You make sure the wheels are locked before you flit out to grab a quilt from the nursery. You pant as you get to the top of the stairs. Whew, you still got work to do before you're anywhere close to back to normal.

You snatch the sewn pink blanket and come back down, catching your breath as you sweep through the doorway.

“Lulu,” you say quietly, “gonna swaddle you up–”

You notice the angle of the bassinet. It's not how you left it, almost parallel to the sofa instead. You rush over and nearly scream as the bottom stares back at you empty.

You drop the quilt and spin, searching for any sign of the culprit. You storm back into the foyer and stomp a foot.

“Lloyd!” You bellow, not caring if you wake the babe, “where the fuck are you? Give me my baby!”

Nothing. Just the echo of your anger. You snarl and holler again. Louder.

“LLOYD! I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND!”

You stride forward and go down the hall. Not in the kitchen. Nope, not in the dining room either. You go through the first floor, yelling, then ascend the stairs again. There's no way he could've snuck her up there.

“You motherfucker. Lloyd!” You stop at the top, “it's not fucking funny.”

“Jesus Christ!” You hear a door swing open, then another as he comes out of his bedroom, “what is it now? Wanna call me more names? Push me around?”

He has a towel clutched around his waist as his feet slap on the floor. He glistens, his hair slick and dripping the noise of the shower still buzzing. You gulp and your heart drops.

“Lloyd, give her back.”

“What?”

“Don't. Give me Luna.”

“Luna–” he grimaces, “what the fuck? You serious? You won't let me see her and now– wait, where is she?”

You stand silent in horror. He's a loar to the bone but dammit, he's convincing.

“You took her. I know… I went to get her a blanket and you…”

“I've been in the shower for twenty minutes, sweetheart,” he sneers, “I… she's… gone?”

You croak. It's all you can do. You spin and hurtle back downstairs. You near the bassinet again and squeal. Gripping the sides as panic floods your chest.

“She's gone! Lloyd! My baby! Where is she?!”

You hear him come downstairs and his footsteps rush across the floor, searching everywhere you did. He appears from the kitchen, barely hanging onto his towel. You look at him as he stares at you palely.

“The back door was unlocked.”

“I know, I thought you were out there–”

“Peaches,” he utters as his eyes dilate, “call the police.”

🍑

You're still sobbing as the red and blue flash on the other side of the window. You told the story a dozen times over. It's 2am and you haven't seen Luna in thirteen hours. You feel her absence heavy in your chest.

Your baby. You failed her. She's gone and it's all your fault.

Why didn't you just take her upstairs? Why did you want to cook? Why weren't you watching her? Why didn't you lock the goddamn door?

“Honey,” Harlan clinks down a mug and his weight dips beside you on the couch, “they'll find her. She can't have gone far.”

“No, no, no,” you bawl, head throbbing, “someone took her. Someone– it's all my fault–”

“Shhh, shhh, it's alright. It'll be alright. She got everyone lookin’, they'll find her.”

“I fucked up!” You fold over your lap, “I was selfish--c-c-carlessssss.”

He hushes you again and rubs your back. You can hear the police milling around outside, a few inside still investigating every nook and cranny.

“Ma'am,” an officer approaches, “we're doing what we can but these things can take a while. You know, we got a few volunteers from the neighborhood too and some statements–”

“I don't care! I want my daughter back,” you snap.

“Sorry, officer, she's just…scared,” Harlan slings his arm over your shoulders.

“Understood,” the officer says, “we're doing all we can.”

You sniffle and bury your face in your palms. This can't be real. It is and it's all on you. You wished so many times that Luna would just go away, you didn't want her, you remember that, and now that wish came true. You are a monster.

“Breathe,” Harlan coos as your breath turns shallow and suffocating, “honey, please, you needa–”

“Let me look!” You sit up, so dizzy you nearly keel over, “I wanna look for her.”

“Dear, you already did. You needa rest.”

“No, no!” You shove him away and stand, slippers slapping as you stomp around the couch, “she's my baby, I can find her! I know I will.”

“You won't help. Lloyd's already out there–” Harlan calls after you as he follows.

You hurry through the entryway and burst out the front door. You hear your father swearing as he scrambles for his shoes. The snow crunches under your thin soles as you jog past the cruisers and the uniformed figures.

You turn down the street without a thought. The streetlights flash over you, yellow, then darkness, yellow, dark…. You don't know where you're going. Maybe you want to disappear too.

You hear Harlan calling your name but he's getting further away, not closer. You slow down and cough, lungs burning. You lean on a fence post and bend to collect yourself.

“What are you doing out here?” A drawl brings you straight up.

You squint. You think it's Lloyd at first, you haven't seen him since the police got there. Andy steps into the soft hue of the lightpole.

“I… what are you doing?” You throw the question back at Andy.

“I'm a volunteer firefighter. Heard there was a missing baby so I've been helping. I'm sorry to hear about Luna. I don't know who would do this.”

You shake your head and snivel, “I don't know.”

“I know what it's like to lose a child but… I think… she's out there. It'll be okay. You'll see her again, I know it.”

“I hope,” your voice cracks and wipes your eyes as your grief spills anew, “I should go back.”

He says nothing. You back away and turn, dragging your feet down the pavement. You see the sirens lit up and the distant beans of flashlights. Suddenly, you're caught around the neck, a hand smothering your mouth.

“Do you wanna see her?” Andy whispers as you kick out, “Luna needs her mommy…” he wrestles you out of the cone of light and behind the fence, “so do I.”

You thrash, clawing at his sleeve. Your slippers fly off in your struggle as he squeezes tighter. No, it can't be him.

You were wrong. Again.

[whimsicorner]

Thinkin about Uchiha cousins AU and I don't wanna touch Danzo bc headache headache headache but it also entertains me...the possibility that he keeps writing off the older Uchiha cousins except for Sasuke because before the massacre happened they three were civilian kids (there's Sasuke who was 7, an 8 year old, two 6 year olds, and then everyone else is 5 and under)

The 8-year-old (a boy named Chiaki) shows a little potential bc despite starting late, he caught on quickly and he could graduate with Sasuke’s class (depending on if I think it's better or worse for him to be part of Sasuke’s cohort or an academy student while plot happens)—but Chiaki's personality seems too unsuitable for a shinobi.....he keeps tabs on the cousins bc he keeps tabs on everything but they're a low priority

Cut for wandering off on a tangent HAHA

Chiaki is the kid who really did not want to be a ninja because he's not happy about fighting and blood (although yes flashy ninjutsu and seals are very cool), but he wants to at least make genin so that he's considered grown-up enough that the adults stop fussing over them as much, because he very clearly remembers the time when they tried to suggest that the Uchiha kids be split up to different foster families. A bunch of kids, not a single one over ten, none of them genin and only Sasuke at the Academy—wouldn't it be better for them to have someone to take care of them?

But Chiaki has pretty good intuition for a kid and had a bit of a panic spiral because like, they say that of course the kids can see each other and splitting up wouldn't be for forever, but to Chiaki it feels like it would be: all of them growing apart with different houses and families and Uchiha in name or blood only, scattered across the village and living different lives, like strangers, because none of them were close before this....the older kids would maybe remember enough to seek each other out, but the babies and toddlers are small, they won't know about being family to each other, just to whoever gets them, and like, the Konoha kids seem to be pretty free range kids but small children are still subject to the whims of their guardians so—

Anyway it feels like if he or Sasuke lets the adults split them up then they'll stop being a family and he doesn't like that! He just met these kids properly and if anything happens to any of them he will cry and then the other kids will cry and then the little babies will cry, and 15 crying children is kind of a lot. They have high separation anxiety atm, don't test them

(I think the intentions wrt the fostering suggestion were good, but quite possibly certain parties also wouldn't have complained about assimilating the remaining Uchiha children into the village such that the Uchiha stopped existing as a clan and there wouldn't be anything to compete for their loyalties)

....lost my train of thought but I'm very fond of Chiaki HAHA Sasuke is technically the boss of him because they looked at each other in a panic when they adults were asking who should be in charge of the clan and Sasuke volunteered (Chiaki is slightly older but Sasuke started ninja school and is also the son of the previous head, so it seems fitting) (the older kids tend to put their heads together for decision-making anyway because they're 6, 7, 8 at the start and don't know what they're doing)

(I think if Chiaki was aware of Naruto's situation he'd be very "?!?!" about it bc the adults were fussing about the Uchiha kids living on their own!! What about that kid over there!! Unfair! Hypocritical! Also WHY is he by himself—)

(Also Chiaki is all "I have to Be Calm so they think I'm grown up enough to make decisions," but he's very transparent because he is. Eight. It's just that he goes along with most of the things about cleaning the district and getting pets they can't keep adopted out and having a mass funeral prepared on their behalf because they are all very little to be doing these things, etc etc etc, so when Chiaki puts his foot down about the fostering suggestion they're surprised—I think Sasuke was unconscious for this part? Trying to decide how it's handled...)

I'm trying to make a little reference sheet for myself bc I want to talk about these kids HAHA

[godtiercomplex]

maya fertility journal #2

1/28/2024

alrighty.

i went ahead and bought one vial of sperm as i hit my weight goal—or so i thought. did an official weigh in on friday and according to the doctors scale i still need to lose 5-10 pounds. i’m saying 5-10 because i need to be underneath 260 but im weighing in at 265 at their offices. i’m weighing in at 260 at home so it’s about 5 pounds off. so for my sanity im thinking the closer to 250 i hit the better. so if i weigh in at home at 255 i’ll be at 260 at the doctors office. but if i hit 250 at home ill be 255 at the doctors office.

here’s praying for favors.

oh i just did a weigh in this sunday morning and forget what i typed up earlier. i'm weighing in now at home at 265 so maybe it's just the same as the doctor's office. maybe i don't need to lose an additional pounds to get to 250 and will be fine at like 255, 253....

we'll see!

anyway, i find it Hilarious that i got into TLT at the same time i'm narrowing down potential baby names cuz man a certain name was high on my list of baby boy names and now it's kinda... iffy

my sister's like jealous of a baby that doesn't even exist yet--she doesn't want me to stop spoiling her to spoil my kids instead. she's like 'i'm not ready to be an aunt yet. i'm only 9' ma'am and i'm 30. i'm ready to start my parenting journey lmao. she's just suddenly aware now that when i have kids i can redirect my funds toward buying them things and not always buying her things. it's so funny. she's so fun.

also, i saw the adult photos of my sperm donor and like i'm crying. dude has blond hair. and it's so poorly dyed. like sir! did you dye it yourself? i just find it funny that i was like 'yeah he's a pokenerd' and my coworker came over to see his photos and the first thing she said was 'is he a blond asian?' and i had no response cuz he is!

i personally never want to meet the sperm donor but i do want my kids to have the option so you know. it's nice to have access to all this data that i can save for them in the future.

anyway, overall i'm excited to almost have hit the goal weight and i think i'm gonna be plotting to have at least one of my kids be born in march so that way all of my kids can have bdays in march. leo's so funny. he's like 'oh you need to arrange for them to be born on march 1st' and it's like no. cuz my bday is march 2nd. and leo's is march 3rd. but he claims both the 3rd and the 4th so that leaves like any dates after the 4th available. but as we know babies don't come when you want them to sooo its likely that i'll just fuck around and end up sharing a bday with my kid which i don't wanna do.

as a pisces can i raise another pisces?

i guess when i DO get pregnant the tag will change to #maya pregnancy journal and then #maya parenting misadventures when they're born

god i'm excited

[soggykookiesandcream]

ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ​ - ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ xᴠ

3rd person POV (first timeline)

A few weeks ago...

Kim Taehyung stands tall at the centre of the little observant boy's room watching him silently. His heart breaks that he has to conflict fear in an innocent little boy who somehow managed to capture his heart. He stalks closer to the kid's bed and crouches beside it. He was asleep dreamlessly, peaceful and calm. Disturbing that small realm of peace that the boy had to himself was difficult. He barely even got time for his own thoughts or for peace within himself hearing everyone and everything going on around. He was yet to explore his true potential. He was yet to know that he could block out others and have space for his own thoughts. The old soul desperately wanted to teach the boy and inform him of his true capabilities but that would interfere with his plans. He places his hand softly on the boy's forehead to make him see a dream of his choice. A dream he carefully crafted, filled with images a child wouldn't want to see... A nightmare that would feel real. He watches the little boy's eyebrows furrow and his arms twitch as the nightmare unfolds.

Present (second timeline)

Yoonjin was clinging onto Taehyung and he couldn't lie, he was enjoying all of the attention he was receiving from his son. 

"Are you sleepy, baby bean?" He asks seeing his son's droopy eyes trying hard to stay open. Yoonjin climbs further up his dad placing his face into the crook of Taehyung's neck. 

"You wanna go to bed?" Taehyung softly pats Yoonjin's back to put him to sleep. Yoonjin whimpers and squirms around in Taehyung's arms and pushes his head back to meet Taehyung's eyes. He whispers a small 'no' and goes back to nuzzling his nose into his dad's neck. Taehyung chuckles lightly, "You need sleep, Yoonjin. Do you have a reason why you don't wanna go to bed?"

"Yes," Yoonjin whispers clawing at his dad's shoulder softly. Yoonjin was very touchy and clingy if he liked someone. Taehyung smiles and whispers playfully, "And what will that be?"

"I like your thoughts," he says softly, "They're nice to listen when I don't have any of mine."

Taehyung's eyes soften and well up with tears for his son. He smiles softly as a tear rolls down his cheek. His son lifts his head to look at his dad.

"No," he whimpers, "Don't cry. I'm okay."

Taehyung sniffs, "I love you, baby," Taehyung kisses Yoonjin's cheek, "I love you so much."

"I love you too, dadda," Yoonjin grins cupping Taehyung's face, placing a kiss on his chin. Taehyung's heart melts and he crushes Yoonjin in a hug bursting out in tears. 

"Tae!" Yuna rushes over with a frown, "What's wrong?"

Taehyung lifts his head to look at his lovely wife who gave him a purpose to live. He smiles, "I just love you all so much."

Yuna's eyes soften as she watches her husband and son in a bone-crushing hug. Taehyung extends his arm for Yuna and she gladly joins the hug placing a kiss on Yoonjin's cheek. 

"Mamma," Yoonjin wiggles out of Taehyung's grip and climbs onto Yuna. Yuna giggles as her son settles on her hip, "Still a momma's boy, huh?"

Yoonjin lets out a small giggle and kisses Yuna's cheek. 

"Mom? Dad?" They hear Taemin's voice and a few sobs. Yuna turns around to see Taemin with a sobbing Yujin in his arms.

"Oh, no," Yuna places Yoonjin on the floor, who was immediately scooped up by Taehyung and runs to Yujin, "My baby," she coos taking Yujin from Taemin's arms, "What's wrong?"

"He tripped on one of his toys," Taemin sighs and pats his younger brother's head, "I'll go put the others to bed. Yoonjin, come."

Yoonjin shakes his head, hugging his dad tighter. That's when Taemin notices his dad with tear-stained cheeks, "Dad? Were you crying?" He asks. Taehyung chuckles, "Yes but I'm fine now."

"Okay," he shrugs, "Can I have Yoonjin so I can put him to bed?"

"I'll put him to his bed," Taehyung replies rocking Yoonjin slowly.

"But-" Taemin stutters, "It's his bedtime. Now. He'll be tired if it gets any late. Give him to me."

"No," Taehyung raises an eyebrow, "Why do you want him? I'll put him to bed, Taebear. You can go ahead and tuck the others in."

"But," Taemin looks down, "I need him to sleep."

"What?" Yuna giggles, "Why do you need him to sleep?"

"He's such a hugger and he hugs you to death while sleeping," Taemin whispers, "I need someone beside to sleep."

"Aww," Yuna coos laughing, "That's so cute!"

"Mom, stop," her oldest son blushes, "Can you just give him to me?" He asks softly.

"You're just like your dad," Yuna tries to control her laughter, "Your dad can't sleep without hugging something."

Taehyung blushes in the corner with Yoonjin counting all the moles on his face. Taemin looks at Yoonjin with pleading eyes and Yoonjin wiggles out of Taehyung's hold and runs into his older brother's arms.

"Let's go, Yoonjin," Taemin places a kiss on his younger brother's forehead and walks away murmuring a small goodnight to his parents. Taehyung walks up to Yuna with Yujin in her arms, "How's my baby doing?" He grins making silly faces at the baby looking at him curiously. Yujin reaches out for Taehyung nose. Taehyung gladly lets his son touch his nose. After a few minutes of touching and feeling, Yujin starts pulling at Taehyung nose and Yuna pulls Yujin back with a frown, "Good boys don't hurt their daddas," she scowls. Taehyung chuckles as he wraps his arms around Yuna. Yujin reaches behind Yuna to grab Taehyung's nose. 

"He's going to pluck my nose out," Taehyung flinches taking one of Yujin's tiny hands placing a kiss on it. Yujin draws his hand back and scowls at Taehyung wiping his hand on Yuna's shirt. 

"Ew," Yuna bursts out laughing. Taehyung chuckles taking Yujin from her hold, "Time for bed, you son of a-"

"TAE!" 

"...god-"

"I- I am so done with you," Yuna mutters walking upstairs.

"Wait-" Taehyung chuckles as he watches Yuna stomp off to their room. He grins at the baby in his arms who was still attempting to grab his nose. Just as he was about to lean forward and let the baby do whatever he wanted, he hears ruffling behind one of the plants.

Taehyung whips his head in the direction he heard it from holding onto Yujin tightly, "Hello?"

He sniffs the air but does not get a foreign scent but he was sure there was another person in the room. He could feel it. He stalks closer to the group of potted plants trying to get a better view. 

"Is someone there?" He asks. He leans forward and sees a flash of a glowing pair of eyes. Taehyung flinches back with Yujin held tightly but even before Taehyung could react, the figure from behind the plants grabs Yujin. Taehyung falls back in shock.

"We'll meet again," the person grins,

"Kim Taehyung."

1207 words

A/N- When I write fluff in every chapter-

[introspective-journaling]

Journaling 2

Brutally honest words of wisdom and self respect!

🌹Never let someone show you more than once that they do not value a life with you.

🌹Standards are not Expectations!

🌹Do not lower your standards for someone who promises potential in the future. You deserve to feel respected, loved, and desired Today.

🌹If you do not recognize yourself, if you don't like the person you're becoming in this relationship, it probably isn't good for you.

🌹Time to put yourself first!

You are not building a future with someone who is disrupting your peace and sanity today!!! Once you love and value yourself, you'll be able to see when someone else doesn't and you'll be able to cut that from your life before it becomes toxic, before they have the chance to drain you.

They'll wanna come back with their apologies. I know you keep falling for the "Baby I'm sorry. You're right, I'll do better. You deserve better. I love you. I want you forever." Blah blah blah, whatever! No, they change for like a day or maybe a week. You get a glimpse of the potential they keep promising and who they seemed to be at the beginning, but there's no follow through. It's just feeding you enough hope to stay, then you're reminding them again about the same hurtful behavior and they lash out even if they reassured you before. You end up feeling wrong for everything and the cycle continues, but there's still hope in your mind so you can't bring yourself to leave. This constant up and down you're stuck in, it fuels the need for validation and love from that person even when they don't seem to care.

What happened is I started reacting. You've been pushed to your breaking point and explode in the fight to feel heard, validated, and loved back. These reactions become leverage for the person to use against you, to call you crazy, and then you start questioning yourself. Am I the problem? I'm so confused! Where did I go wrong? Why can't they understand? This doesn't feel right, I can't do this anymore! But I love them, maybe we can still fix this... This isn't even me. I know I should leave, but I just want this to get better. Do they even want me anymore? This is all my fault. Am I the narcissist!?

No, this confusion and self doubt is from being manipulated and told you're the one making them do what they're doing. Your love and effort was taken for granted and taken advantage of, until you found yourself apologizing for calling attention to their toxic behavior. This is not your fault! The only thing you could have done was to leave, because it doesn't get better no matter how many times they say it will.

🥀Do you really believe the way they speak to you, or turn things around on you, avoid accountability, gaslight you, put you down, accuse you of things you've never done, keep you at a distance, devalue your emotions, judge you, make you question your sanity... do you think emotionally abusive patterns will just go away? You're in tears pouring your heart out while they're giving you the eye roll and one word answers on their way out the door. You're crying in bed texting paragraphs, then waiting an hour for their dry, three word reply. Next thing you know, they're half ass-ing another apology, loving you, wanting you again, showing all kinds of affection, and here we are eating it all up. Remember this doesn't last and it's only being used to keep you or get you back.

🌹A real man or a real woman who loves you, will listen to, validate, and respect your feelings and boundaries. If they have something to apologize for, they'll be specific and take accountability, then address a solution. You'll never be put on that rollercoaster.

🥀Do you think that someone can commit to a healthy long term relationship when they can't even commit to dinner plans? When they don't feel like spending time with you all day? And then they get defensive if you mention it and blame you for expressing hurt and disappointment! They don't value you, they don't value time with you, or the relationship. They only care about keeping you, like an old book that they never took time to read, but skim through when they're bored or lonely.

🌹A real man or a real woman who values you, will want to spend time with you and not only follow through but look forward to the opportunity.

🥀Can you trust that someone who repeatedly betrays your trust will suddenly have integrity? Furthermore, would you be able to forgive the past and trust them again after it's been a pattern? Take what you see today, take their actions for what they are because their words have meant nothing already.

🌹A real man or a real woman, will not leave room for doubt.

🥀 Will physically, verbally, or sexually abusive behaviors turn into respectful conversation and relinquishing control over you, to build self awareness and self control instead? (These forms of abuse specifically weren't present in my relationship, primarily psychological and emotional with occasional verbal attacks).

🌹A real man or a real woman will only ever touch you to express affection and desire, and only when you consent. They will not engage in toxic or aggressive arguments or physical control tactics, and would never lay their hands on ANYONE unless defending from a physical attack. Understand that anything that hurts or violates you physically or emotionally is unacceptable.

🥀What makes you think that they'll treat you better in the future when they've known your boundaries, known your standards, known your love languages, known your values? They've known and guess what? They👏 Don't👏 Care👏. This should make you realize that they don't love you in the way you deserve.

🌹A real man or a real woman, will aim to lift you up and see you happy. To respect you even in the midst of an argument. Do not lower yourself for someone who's not even close to you!! It's time to leave them and pour love back into yourself!

🥀Do you want to be unhappy for months, years waiting on someone to grow and mature emotionally? Where are you going to be by then? What's your mental health going to look like by the time they (don't) get their shit together and (never) stop treating you as less than you are (because they will continue as long as it keeps you around)? How much are you going to have left after years of losing yourself, lowering your standards, forgetting to put yourself first?

🌹A real man or a real woman, will respect you even in an argument. They will ALWAYS treat you like the amazing, strong, beautiful, independent woman that you are!

Go take care of yourself! 🥰

❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️