#still dealing with burnout but needed to practice

[dead-philosophy]

Angron and Areshkar after battle.

support the cryptid.

[im-so-normal-iswear]

Can i request headcanons please? Of ford with a single mother reader with a Child that is friends with dipper and mabel(they probably meet bc of the kids), they are in the town bc reader's ex is an abusive prick that couldn't handle the divorce so they go to gravity falls to start again.

I just really like the thought of ford helping reader to deal with the burnouts and erasing her doubts of being a good mother, also i like to imagine that ford can get very protective over reader and her kid when her ex is around.

Im having a total brainrot😅

Of course!!

Ford x mother reader

When you first moved in its you probably needed something to occupy your kid while searching for a school that summer, so after a lot of hearing around, you decided to take them to the mystery shack for the day.

They instantly made friends with Mabel and Dipper, and as they started hanging out more and more, they started going to the shack almost everyday.

They spend a lot of time at the Mystery Shack, and Ford notices your presence and at first might even be a but suspicious, (still has some bad habits from bill)

At first, he’s distant, as he tends to be either working or with dipper and mabel, not quite paying you much mind, but as he sees the way Dipper and Mabel always hang out with your kid, his curiosity about you grows.

You start having small conversations when you come by, mostly about your kids. Ford appreciates how much you care about your child, even though you often look exhausted.

Ford is incredibly observant, so he quickly picks up on the fact that you’re dealing with more than just normal parenting stress. You’re trying to rebuild your life after a difficult divorce, and he notices how drained you seem at times.

One day, he finds you sitting on the porch of the Shack, rubbing your temples after a particularly rough day. Ford, ever the intellectual, starts off by offering practical advice—time management tips or relaxation techniques he’s read about.

But when he realizes that what you really need is emotional support, which is of course, not his strong suit, but he trusted his best.

He listens to you vent, reassures you that you’re doing an incredible job, and tells you how much your child admires and loves you.

Again, Ford is not always the best with feelings, but he goes out of his way to remind you that parenting is a difficult task, especially as a single mother, and even with all that, your still doing a good job.

He helps ease your self-doubt, telling you how much progress you’ve already made by giving your child a safer, happier life in Gravity Falls.

When your ex comes into town, either trying to contact you or causing trouble, Ford becomes intensely protective. He doesn’t tolerate threats, emotional or physical, especially when it comes to you or your child.

Ford’s protective instincts kick into overdrive. He stands taller, eyes narrowing as he keeps a close watch over you and your ex’s interactions, making sure your ex knows he isn’t welcome.

If your ex tries to approach the house or causes any distress, Ford won’t hesitate to step in. He’s not afraid to use threats, (do you remember when Ford was full on ready to shoot a man because he wouldn't let Mabel keep her pig??)

He’ll give heartfelt compliments, like telling you how your child has grown happier and more confident since coming to Gravity Falls, which he credits to your strength as a mother.

Ford has a knack for finding ways to reassure you with solid, rational observations, making it impossible for you to deny your own success.

He often reminds you that surviving an abusive relationship and creating a better life for your child already makes you a phenomenal mother.

Over time, Ford’s admiration for you grows. He’s impressed by your resilience and your ability to care for your child despite everything you’ve been through. He feels alot of respect and affection for you, which he’s not always sure how to express.

He’ll offer to help you with anything, from fixing things around the house to watching your child when you need a break. You became an important part of his life, so he’s always there for you.

Ford begins to take on a more involved role in your child’s life, becoming almost like a second father figure.

Your child feels safe with Ford, and they even confide in him when they feel worried about their father. Ford reassures them that they don’t have to fear anything anymore, he’ll always be around to protect them.

Mabel definitely sees all this and immediately goes to match make you, Stan alongside. Dates, alone time, whatever, do not mess with Mabel when she sees a potential couple

Hope you liked these ^^

[elianzis]

Do you have any tips for beginner artists dealing with art block?

ah, good old art blocks...

In general, you probably need to understand what it was that drove you into this state.

Lack of inspiration, dissatisfaction with the results, exhaustion, etc.

Inspiration is unlikely to come on its own, you have to look for it. Pinterest, movies, games (someone recommended dnd and I think it can really help), music.

Sometimes it's possible that you're just exhausted and only a break from drawing and a change of activity will help you, this also applies to finding inspiration. You don't know if playing a game will give you :D (doesn't always work with burnout) If you're comparing yourself to other artists, you need to take it a little easier on yourself. Don't say to yourself “he's so great, I'll never be able to do that”, you can just analyze how the person achieved such a result, what he did and what you did. Plus we often have a tendency to compare ourselves to artists whose skills are MULTIPLE times superior to us. I know its hard, i still doing such mistake when i look at my friend's artworks.

OKAY, SORRY, SO, TIME FOR SOME TIPS i will write in text, but also will attach videos with it ( some of them in russian, but auto generated subtitles are good enough)

1. Don't draw a picture, but put it into words.

There is a few different approaches to that. The first is when you create a blank canvas or taking blank sheet of paper and just cloud draw the location of different elements and label them. Smth like that.

Another approach is my friend told me its when you collecting key words for artwork that you wanna draw. For this one like: dragon, two people hiding, caves, adventure, fantasy, gold, dim light. (at least this is how i understood that)

2. Try new things and practice in other directions

Sometimes you just getting tired from everything you drawing. So its good to try new things. For example im getting tired from my usual art, and its good when you trying smth new, like, landscapes, more realistic portrait/animated style, re-draw some screenshots from movies. Yeah, practicing and studies can help too, because you don't need to create smth, you just learning

3. Create smth from chaos (?)

Its more about traditional art, but i believe you can do it in digital too. We used to do this in college when we would paint on glass with watercolors and then put a sheet against that glass getting a chaotic print. After the sheet dried, we would take a liner and try to see some kind of image in the chaos and draw. Sometimes its funny of some sorts. this is not much, but i hope it will help you

Also a few words.

Its okay when art is bad. We are humans after all, and this is important to remember because -> Don't forget you need to rest. Don't forget to eat, drink (GO AND DRINK ON GLASS OF WATER RIGHT NOW) and sleep. (Take this advice srsly from someone who suffers from this). Take days off, you've worked hard for two days, it's time to take a day to rest.

I will attach some videos about art block in general and with some tips how to fight it below the cut for you, its have some more info that i haven include from them, because the post might be bigger... here it is ->

ARTBLOCK // Creative Crisis // 4 ways to beat non-painting

Motivation, artblock, burnout: how to keep creating

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ARTBLOCK

[fsnotes]

“If I skated for the sake of winning, I would do it differently”

On December 29th a morning radio programme Dome Square on Latvijas Radio 4 broadcasted an interview with Deniss (in Russian). They discussed figure skating in Latvia, plans for the future, ways to deal with tiredness and avoiding the burnout, and of course dived into personal and sports philosophy. There are also some New Year wishes to the listeners!

Full recording available here.

Translation into English below the cut.

In December Deniss Vasiljevs became a seven-time champion of Latvia. ‘If I skated for the sake of winning, I would do it differently’, says the athlete about his performances in an interview with my colleague Natalya Meshcheriakova for “Dome Square”. The talented athlete spoke about his rules of life, summarised the results of the past year, set goals for the future, and also shared how he prefers to recuperate.

DV: I really enjoy coming back to Latvia. When I see all the younger generations, it makes me very happy, and in its own way it motivates me to keep skating and to keep, in fact, skating for them too. And to come to Latvia… There are not so many competitions in December, and to skate at your home ice rink, to do a full competition and try new elements is always very, very nice and very important for figure skating in the country. And I have always been motivated to do something useful for society (Deniss used the English word here, then translated himself). So it is a great pleasure for me to be here.

NM: The languages are getting confused, aren't they? What's that about, is it because you spend most time outside of Latvia?

DV: I speak English practically all the time; also French, and I learnt Latvian, and I speak mostly Russian with my parents, so I have a little bit much [of the languages]. Even German manages to get in. Anyway, I'm still readjusting. I need a couple of days to fully come back and think in the language I speak.

NM: But you are in Latvia for a smaller part of the time. If you take a year, how much time do you spend here?

DV: This year, so far, I have only spent two days in Latvia.

NM: And where are you mostly based then?

DV: Now I'm in Switzerland, in Champéry, but I'm travelling a lot because of figure skating competitions, basically flying around the world. I've flown round the planet at least three times this year.

NM: Three times... Yes, I understand that there are competitions, there is a goal, motivation, but how do you fight fatigue? It probably requires a huge amount of, well, physical strength, and some special approach. How do you avoid the burn out?

DV: We have two opportunities to rest during a season; sometimes three. There are Christmas holidays, or New Year's Eve. These are very social ones. Then in the end of the season — somewhere in May — we get a real vacation, but usually it isn't longer than two weeks. And there's one just before the start of the season, two or three days, because the heavy summer preparation ends and seasonal work begins.

In a way, you get used to it. It's indeed very difficult when you can't sleep, when you have time zone changes all the time. Say, this year: I got a Grand Prix event in the US and another one in China. I went to China to compete for a week, came back for a week; went to America for a week, came back for a week to go somewhere else to compete again; spent a week again, and came back to China for a week; then came back to train for a week, and the next week I had to be [in Riga]. All this travelling, ice sessions, flying and training, it's hard enough. When it's not your first year like this, you adapt in your own way, but it's always very hard on the body. Just like now, when we're halfway through the season and you feel like you're already kind of a squeezed lemon.

NM: And how do you regain your strength? What helps you? What gives you that full-fledged rest, when you have it, yes, you said, in May, in December?

DV: Mostly I barricade myself in my room (laughs). Nothing but sleeping helps. So, my version of rest is mostly finding a quiet place and sleeping. Yet music is mostly used for work. I tend to relax, maybe, listening to classical music in the evening, or jazz, but…

NM: Probably with classical music you already imagine, like, how you would skate to this tune. It's a professional deformation already.

DV: Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what it is. At one point, especially a couple of years ago, everything I did was about figure skating. Completely. Listening to music, watching ballet, doesn't matter no matter. I was watching the body movements and imagining how it's all going to look like, which is a little bit…. It makes you go crazy. To me, studying helped a lot.

NM: What do you mean exactly?

DV: I completed my Masters this year. It really helped me to... get out of figure skating? To just study and then come back to train and work.

NM: Where did you study, and how?

DV: In Latvia, at Daugavpils Universitāte. I got a lot of help with timing there, so I was able to study relatively freely in general. It helped a lot to not go crazy with sports. But in general everyone survives in their own way. My option is to always be interested in what's going on around me; learning something, trying to do something. Drawing.

NM: In the context of the year, how do you evaluate yourself? We know about your achievements, successes. Were these the goals you set for yourself?

DV: I've been skating for quite a few years now, and I have my own opinion of the system which is perhaps different from how many people understand it. So I chose my aspiration a long time ago: to try to compete with myself only. If I skated to win, I would do it differently. I skate because I enjoy it and because I'm as supportive as my coach is of being... a little old school. It's all about charisma, beauty, performance. Sport is a culture in its own way, rather than just athletics on ice. That's why the attitude is different in many ways: how we create the program, how we do everything. We stick to certain foundations, you could say, a certain quality, and we are very proud that we do it with virtue (Deniss used the English word again, translating himself right after).

NM: Seems like this approach is justified. Your awards prove it's the right bet.

DV: Sport is so much more than any award. Sport is a way of life, it's a... path of excellence (the English phrase in original). You have to do it the right way. You have to be honest, you have to really live according to those views; they are not for the sake of results, they are much more than that. And they create a better society. You support society through actually living with these... I don't know, values (the English word again). It's a way of living, and in its own way it requires you to be a leader of your own self.

NM: Does your coach help you with that, or are you just that kind of person on your own?

DV: It's certainly cultivated at first. It's how we teach the kids. Current figure skating is too much like... you take a board, sand it down and make it into a stool ("taburetka" in original). That's not how sport was intended to be. Sport is when you plant a seed and you keep watering it, create sunny conditions, and it grows. That's why you create a greenhouse — so that the seed grows better.

The idea is that you develop yourself. You can be clumsy, you can be gawky, but you do it yourself. You create your own character from the way you understand and explore the world. It's not that you've been grown and made, it's that you've grown yourself. And the help was in telling you: there's a jungle over there, go cut through it. Not just telling you that there is a road over there, take it and follow it, and let everyone rush and stand in traffic. That's why sport is self-exploration, a kind of self-awareness. Freedom to develop yourself. A never-ending road. So being an athlete is more than just doing your sport. And to be a good athlete, you have to develop yourself in so many ways. Figure skating is one of the best options, because you have not only athletics, but also choreography, dancing, theatre art. You need to bring a whole idea of a program to life... And don't get me started on costumes!

NM: But not everyone can probably take it. Too many things at once.

DV: It takes a lot of discipline, which you choose yourself very early on. Someone has to give you a push, but the choice is your own. A lot of kids probably can't make their own choice: you have to know what discipline is, and then you also have to know what you want. I don't even know how to do it right, but so many get off the tracks right at this point.

So I've seen what, four shifts already? I've been to two Olympics. It's been eight... nine years in seniors, and that's quite a long road. But there's no perfect way; you find your own. I don't aim to rack up maximum points or run the maximum time or do the perfect technique. I look at it more generally [broader]. I must be magnetic in my own way; express the idea of striving for perfection, and honour the fact that one can't achieve perfection.

But you should always strive to do your best in whatever you do; it doesn't matter if it's sports, studies, whatever. You've got to build character. And it will epitomise what you do later on. In sports, on the ice, off the ice, everywhere.

NM: Based on that, what are your plans for next year? Are you setting any goals?

DV: For now, I'm just aiming to... Every day it's pretty hard for me to keep myself in control, especially when I'm tired, and I just want to qualify for the Olympics and give my best. I have plans that I don't want to announce yet because they still, well, need to be done, and there's definitely science (the English word followed by self-translation), scientific evidence as to why it shouldn't be done. At least I really want to qualify and go to the Olympics for the third time. To really showcase the Latvian culture of sport!

Sport is much more than what we see on the ice during the four minutes of skating. It is, after all, the way training happens; the way we live; in general, everything we do epitomises a whole different world. In its own way. One illustration would be, for example, if you make coffee, you work on it so intensely that it ends up being some of the best coffee you'll ever drink. A lot of people probably don't question how you can make it better, better, better, better. But if you watch athletes who do strive for something greater, they usually can't separate an ordinary commitment from the sports one. Such aspiration for perfectionism is the lot of athletes.

NM: And your wishes, for the people of Latvia, for the listeners? The next year is about to come...

DV: It is possible to start life every day. Basically... this will probably sound silly, but one of the philosophies is that when you live, you need to die every morning. Every day is the last day. That's the only way you can make the most of it.

I guess my wishes are these: move and aspire every day. Aspire to do a little bit better, and to do a little bit easier, because easier is better! Aspire to live in motion; direct life towards something.

[dumbasslesbi2]

Let Me Read To You ~ Chapter 6 (Agatha x Rio Bookstore AU)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Summary:

Rio's book is finally finished! Which means now she can focus now on how she can ask Agatha Harkness to be her wife <3

Notes:

School burnout is so real, warning chapter uploads might be not as frequent but I'm trying my best to keep it daily!

“Rio! This book is going to be a hit!” Agatha said, finishing the final draft of Rio’s book. “You really think so, my love?” Rio said, coming into the living room with two glasses of wine. “I swear Rio, I love your other books but this one is amazing. I’m not just saying that because it’s about us” Agatha told her, taking a sip of wine. “What? Us? I have no idea what you’re talking about” Rio said, side-eyeing Agatha. “Uh huh, and I guess then you have no wants of marrying me then” Agatha said, putting down the final draft of the coffee table. “I wouldn’t say that exactly” Rio said, cuddling into Agatha’s arm. Agatha put her arm around Rio so she could cuddle her better. “Well atleast I have a hint” Agatha told her, kissing her head. “I think you would look so pretty with a wedding ring on your hand” Rio told her, kissing her hand. “I think you’d look gorgeous with another ring on your hand baby” Agatha said, taking Rio’s hand and kissing it. 

The next day Rio decided to pay Lilia a visit without telling Agatha about what she needed to talk to Lilia about. “Lilia I don’t know, I really love her” Rio told her while Lilia was finishing her tarot reading. “Rio, the cards do not lie. Just propose to her, it’ll be fine.” Lilia told her, taking her hands. “I know but I want it to be special” Rio complained, still not sure how to propose to Agatha. “Listen, take it from an old crone. It doesn’t matter as long as you feel it’s the right time. When my wife proposed I was the happiest woman and it didn’t matter where she did it. It mattered when and how loved I felt” Lilia told her, looking at her wedding ring. “I guess you’re right, I don’t know, I guess I’m just scared. What if she doesn’t want to get married again. What if she’s just pretending because I hinted it in the book” Rio told her, still groaning and complaining. “Hey auntie where do you - Oh, hi Rio!” The teen came in with a box full of candles. “Just leave them over there William” Lilia told him, letting go of Rio’s hands. 

While Rio was dealing with the teen and Lilia, Agatha was over at Jen and Alice’s. “Guys please, I’ve already been married once but I need this to be special for Rio” Agatha whined, practically gulping down her beer. “It’ll be fine Agatha, trust, we know Rio. She likes the simple things in life, she doesn’t need a grand gesture” Alice said, rubbing Agatha’s back. “I know but I still want it to be special” Agatha groaned, heading towards the fridge for another beer. “Listen, an at home proposal can be special, why not just do it in the backyard? Rio practically has turned it into a full on garden at this point” Jen suggested, grabbing the beer out of Agatha’s hand. “Hmm I guess you’re right, I could hang lights and stuff. I have the ring already so I could just do it tonight” Agatha said with a sigh, putting her hands in her hair. “You have the ring and haven’t shown us!!!!” Alice yelled, upset Agatha had been talking the whole time and hadn’t shown them. “Oh ya, it’s in my pocket” Agatha said with a laugh, pulling out the black box. Agatha opened it to show a silver ring detailed with a black obsidian rock in the center. “I know how much Rio loves the color black so I chose this one to match her aesthetic, what do you guys think?” Agatha asked, pulling the ring out. “Oh my god, she’s going to love this” Alice said, examining the ring. “She’s so going to say yes” Jen said, in awe of how pretty the ring was. “Thanks guys I really need the encouragement” Agatha said, putting the ring back in the box.

It was later at night when the two had put Nicholas to bed that Agatha brought out Rio to their backyard. She had put on a fire and brought wine and chocolates for both of them to enjoy. Agatha had set up two chairs for the both of them but she should have guessed that instead it would end up with Rio on her lap. “So what’s the occasion of all of this” Rio asked as she fed Agatha some chocolate. “I’m not allowed to spoil my lover?” Agatha asked, licking Rio’s fingers. “No but now I might aspect this more often” Rio giggled, kissing Agatha’s neck. “Wait, Rio” Agatha told her, pushing her off a bit. She knew once Rio started, she wouldn’t stop and then get carried away and not let Agatha have their moment. “What is it my love?” Rio asked, perplexed since Agatha usually lets her go all the way. Agatha took her hands and looked at her solemnly. “I need you to close your eyes” Agatha said, waiting for Rio to do as she said. “Ok” Rio said with a giggle, waiting to see what Agatha would do. Once Rio had her eyes closed Agatha pulled out the box in her pocket, opening it to show Rio the ring. “You can open them now” Agatha whispered, praying Rio would say yes. As Rio opened her eyes, she was speechless. “Agatha…”Rio  whispered as  tears formed in her eyes. Agatha remained silent with her mouth agape, waiting for Rio’s response. Instead Rio didn’t reply and instead kissed Agatha, pushing her face closer to Agatha’s to feel her whole being. “I’m taking that as a yes?” Agatha questioned as she let go of the kiss. “Of course it’s a yes, I can’t believe you beat me, I’m still waiting on the ring to be made” Rio said, kissing Agatha’s hands. “Made?!? You’re giving me a custom made ring?!” Agatha asked, flabbergasted that anyone would do that for her. “Of course, only the best for my future wife” Rio said, kissing Agatha’s cheek. Agatha was too shocked to say anything so instead she kissed Rio as passionately as she did earlier. 

It was about a month later as Rio and Agatha were getting ready to head out with Nicholas they heard a knock on the door. As Agatha went to open it she was greeted with streamers and screamed, not ready for all the noise. “Congrats!” yelled her lesbian book club plus the teen. “Holy shit, you guys almost gave me a heart attack” Agatha said, grabbing at her chest. “You can’t die before the wedding” yelled William. “I swear to god teen im shocked you even brought the right type of popper” Agatha said, looking over at him. The whole group laughed and when Rio came to see what all the commotion was, a smile came to her face. “Also this isn’t just a congratulations on just you two but also to Rio” Jen said, bringing out a cake. Rio’s book not only was a massive hit but was winning awards in best LGBTQ+ fiction. “Aw thanks guys but we need to get going, I have an interview I need to go do” Rio said, making sure she had everything. “We’ll be over at our place then, join us when you can later” Alice said, giving the couple space to walk out. “We’ll be over later tonight” Agatha said before they all left, waving them all goodbye. “Are you sure you wanted to bring Nicky to this? I don’t mind but we might be there for a while and I know how he is about wanting you” Agatha said, double checking she had everything in her purse. “Trust me baby, I want you all to be there. I need them to see how much my family matters, especially since half the book is about that” Rio told her, taking her hand and kissing every knuckle. “Alright but don’t get upset if mid interview he starts crying for his mama” Agatha told her, taking Rio’s hand and repeating her action. The two giggled and laughed for a bit until they made it to the bookstore in which Rio would be interviewed for her newest book.

“Mama!” Nicholas screamed after about thirty minutes of waiting and not being able to be held by Rio. “What did I tell you” Agatha said as Nicky interrupted the interview. “It’s fine, we can keep it in!” said the interviewer who found the entire interaction cute. “Nicky, do you wanna tell something to the people?” Rio asked as she picked him up. “Hi!” Nicholas said as he waved to the camera which had the whole camera crew giggling and aweing at how cute they found the kid. “Is it ok if we do the rest of the interview with him? He won’t say anything, he just wants cuddles” Rio said as she let Nicholas hold onto her neck. “Of course! Now where were we, oh right! So I think it’s no shocker to everyone that family is important to you and especially now with the story within this book. Many have been speculating and wondering if you have gotten married yet and if so if that caused this big shift in your writing?” asked the interviewer who also couldn’t help but look over to Agatha as well. “Well, it’s true that my latest relationship has changed my views on many things but unfortunately we are not married. We are, however, engaged!” Rio exclaimed as she showed her ring. “Congrats! I hope you two have a wonderful wedding!” the interviewer said as she also looked over to Agatha. “Baby do you wanna add anything to this?” Rio asked, looking over to Agatha as well. The crew made sure to make fast work and grab a mic and chair for Agatha as well. “I, oh, uh. Well, we only recently got engaged. It was actually me who asked Rio to become my wife. We’ve only been together for a short period of time but it feels right. I love her so much and can’t see a future without her” Agatha said, looking over at Rio and kissing her on the cheek. “Honestly I haven’t felt so at peace with someone until I met Agatha. Honestly I never even thought of having kids until I met Agatha and now here we are raising a three year old together.” Rio said as she also made sure to kiss Nicholas’s head. “Many are praising your book for finally not doing a kill your gays trope for your two lesbian characters, do you have anything you want to add or tell the people about this?” the interviewer asked, looking at her notebook. “I think nowadays the message of dying lesbians and unhappy sapphic endings aren't exactly the best message to send out, especially to the youth. While this book focuses more on forming a family, I think it shows young sapphics that they can have a happy ending. That we can find happiness despite all our hardships” Rio said, looking over at Agatha and holding her hand. “Truly such a genius at your craft. Well that's all the questions we have here as we talk to Rio Vidal, author of the amazing new lesbian romance fiction, Coven of Chaos” the interviewer said, looking straight into the camera. The camera crew made quick work of tearing everything down and thanked Rio for letting them film in her store. Finally the couple were able to go back home and celebrate with their friends.

“Took you three long enough!” Alice shouted as she came to the door, already shoving a wine glass in Rio’s hand. “Perfect, now we can cut the cake!” Jen said, getting the cake out of the fridge. “Sorry, the interview took longer than we thought” Agatha said, picking up Nicholas. “Its fine, Jen and Alice are just upset because they didn't like the reading Lilia gave them” William said, going to greet the couple. “Alice we talked about this, you can’t blame Lilia for your results! Only yourself” Rio told them, hugging William. “She’s the one dealing the cards!” Alice yelled back at Rio, obviously semi drunk at this point. “Yes but it’s your reading not mine, I can’t control what they say” Lilia fought back, sipping her own wine glass. “Ok how about we just cut the cake?” Jen asked, placing the cake on the table. “I call dibs on cutting!” Rio said, reaching out for the knife. “Of course you want the knife,” Agatha said with a groan, bringing Nicholas closer to her. “Don’t complain, I know you find me hot with a knife” Rio told her with a wink, making the whole group groan. “Really? In front of your kid” William said jokingly, putting out the plates. 

After the small party was over Agatha and Rio were laying in bed, cuddling and telling each other words of affirmation. “My love?” Rio asked, kissing Agatha's shoulder. “Hmm?” Agatha questioned, propping herself up on her elbow. “Marry me?”Rio questioned, looking up at her. “We're already getting married” Agatha told her, giggling and kissing her lips. “I know but I wanna hurry up and be your wife already” Rio told her, putting her arms around her tighter. “Mmm we have so much to plan” Agatha said with a huff, threading a hand in her hair. “I know, once I'm done with all the press from the book we can plan everything we need” Rio told her, leaning up to kiss her lips. “I'm still so proud of you. I'm so happy you're getting the recognition you deserve, “ Agatha said, kissing Rio’s crown. “Thank you baby. I couldn't do it without you” Rio replied, smiling up at Agatha. “I was thinking too,” Agatha said, looking away from Rio. “What is it my love?” Rio asked, propping herself up to really look at Agatha. “Well I was thinking, how would you feel about adopting Nicky?” Agatha asked, still avoiding eye contact. Rio had tears form almost immediately, she reached out for Agatha’s hands and basically made Agatha look at her. “I would love nothing more. I want nothing more but for that boy to be considered my son” Rio told her, trying not to full on cry. “And I would love nothing more than to see you be his mother” Agatha replied, tears forming in her eyes as well. “Thank you, thank you for letting me be in your family. I love you Agatha” Rio told her, hugging her as hard as she could. “I want nothing more than for you to be a part of us. I love you too, Rio. Now hurry up and marry me already” Agatha said with a teary chuckle. “God I hope the press tour ends soon” Rio said, giggling and kissing Agatha's cheeks. 

[shoezuki]

How do you think gepard deals with burnout and compassion fatigue? He doesn't seem like he gets much rest and he doesn't seem like a drinker

honestly i think he like. DOESNT deal w burnout at all. i mean he absolutely gets burnt out but he just takes it to mean he needs to invest himself into his job More. like he very much thinks that he cant afford to get burnt out or be exhausted and to feel such is selfish, because he has a job to do a city to protect and any exhaustion or fatigue he feels he pushes aside. his own state of being is secondary and hes too selfless to ease up on the job or take any time off beyond what is mandated.

i imagine the closest he'd get to handling stress is like... his plants at home. they keep dying because he is not home often at all and cant seem to take care of them properly but he enjoys it and can actually relax when hes tending to them or repotting the ones that survive. or when he has to sketch out wanted posters if no one else is able to, he lets himself relax with drawing those portraits because well he IS still doing his job. Oh or spending time with his sisters, usually serval pulling him out his home and dragging him to their concerts and practices, or they just have dinner together and relax. i imagine that didnt happen much before the stellaron was sealed when him and serval werent as open with each other but now theyre much more. laid back together.

i havent thought bout him having compassion fatigue tho n like...... damn . damn. i imagine hes probably gotten horribly desensitized to the injuries and deaths of his soldiers specifically like having his comrades get hurt constantly just becomes par for the course. idk how hed deal w it either i imagine he'd lean towards becoming more... obsessive over protecting people? like he feels guilt for not 'caring enough' and overcorrects by becoming too protective. his guards know somethings up with him when he starts becoming overtly caring, worrying about every injury, not resting or eating until everyone he oversees is, etc. dude needs therapy

[elftwink]

like i think at this point we're all aware (or at least the target audience of this post is aware) that the kind of ways canadians* speak about the US system is often cruel because of the way it seems to delight in the suffering of usamericans at the hands of their broken systems. it's insufferably smug and treats the failures of the american system like a force of nature or an individual problem rather than a form of structural violence that disproportionately impacts marginalized groups. it's often dehumanizing, and even the nicer comments about the american system come in the form of pity rather than genuine compassion, sympathy, or understanding. and whatever genuine emotion being expressed is always undercut by the fact that nobody is bringing up the american system to advocate for the rights and health of usamericans— they're doing it to comparatively lift up the canadian system, to emphasize how good it is relatively speaking. solutions to the us system in these conversations, if they are mentioned at all, come in the form of "maybe you should move to canada" (itself a stupid, shortsighted, unrealistic, and cruel statement to any usamerican genuinely trying to discuss problems in their own country)

but it's not just that people are smug and cruel and think we're so much better than the usa. it's not just that they constantly sing praises and irritably say "well be grateful you don't live in the states" when you complain. it's that they're also fucking wrong, demonstrably, about the quality of the canadian system. and moreover the constant insistence that we are better than the usa (even as both countries steadily get worse, both in terms of healthcare and in the everything else) justifies never fixing anything because, well, why do we have to? we're better than the states! at least we're not the states.

i am so sick of it. & not just because i think it many respects we are exactly like the states, but also because idgaf if we're better than other places i only care if we are good on our own merits!!! and so far i am not impressed. that's all.

*by which i mean mostly white settler canadians, and by that i mean not only white people but definitely only settlers. the attitude i am discussing in this post is pervasive (and also my personal experience are shaped by my being a white settler ofc) and i think impacts how we are seen even internationally, so i wanted to focus on it. but i do not think it should go without saying that indigenous peoples and other groups historically and currently victimized by the colonial government including the healthcare system do not typically speak of it highly to say the least. but that is for another post & now that's really all.

one thing abt living in canada is your whole life everyone is bragging abt the free healthcare free free free & they go omg imagine if you had to pay for healthcare we're so much better than the US for this bc its free free freeeeee. and then you grow up and its not free. so what the fuck

[space-helen]

Pain

Words: 896

Pairing: Riker x Reader

A/N: I think I strayed a little from the original request but I hope this is ok!

Request: Hi! I saw your post saying requests were open so hopefully this is okay. I was wondering if could request either Data or Riker comforting/helping reader as they deal with “brain fog” and intense burnout due to life events and chronic pain? I could really use some comfort right now 💜 love your writing! (and pls don’t feel obligated to respond/write for this either) - Anon

______________________

You practically stumbled back into your quarters and let out the biggest sigh as the doors closed behind you. 

Slipping off your boots quickly you placed them to the side before finding the nearest surface to sit down on. Allowing yourself to fall into the chair you curled in on yourself, wrapping your arms around your torso you gave yourself a squeeze.

The pressure was nice momentarily but you soon released and allowed yourself to sit in that position. You had no clue how long you stayed like this but you couldn't bare to move because you were genuinely so exhausted and knew moving would only spark more pain. 

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes, you weren't necessarily sad right now but this was a reaction your body had that'd been all too familiar recently.

After sitting in the awkward, yet comfortable, position for what felt like forever you slowly peeled yourself up into a sitting position. Taking a moment to breathe you slowly got to your feet, your body not thanking you as you did so. The movement caused you to feel as if your energy levels plummeted downwards through the flood below you, all the way through the bottom of the ship.

Slowly making your way to your bed you peeled off your clothes and found your pyjamas that you slipped on efficiently. Thankful you'd eaten whilst still having some energy before coming to your quarters.

Lying down you started at the ceiling and allowed your body to melt into the bed under you. Your body felt tense yet weak, on fire yet still and your mind very overwhelmingly busy yet silent.

You knew it was still early and you probably shouldn't fall asleep right now but you couldn't resist the urge to just call it quits for the day and sleep now.

Movement in your quarters had you bolting upright in bed. You were slightly shocked to see Will standing towards the foot of the bed. 

“So I take it our dates off?” he said with compassion, the man knew how much you struggled sometimes.

“What date?”

“We spoke about it earlier. We were supposed to-” he searched your face and could see that you genuinely had no clue what he was on about “Don't worry about it.” he reassured, coming to sit on the edge of the bed near your legs.

“I'm sorry.” you spoke as you brought your gaze to your hands.

“There's no need to be. It's not your fault.” he tried to meet your gaze but you kept it trained on your hands. “Another flare?”

You nodded in response to his question. 

“Have you been to see Dr Crusher yet?”

You nodded “She gave me what she could for the pain but it'll take some more time to fully kick in again.”

He understood, he'd been down to see Beverly with you plenty of times to know the procedure by now. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah, with Data,”

“Good.” he agreed slipping his boots off “what's the plan of action then?”

You mulled it all over in your head as the man pottered around the room getting into the pyjamas that he left in your quarters. You could feel the tears brimming, “I just want to lie down.” With those words the tears began to fall, you felt incredibly pathetic and useless right now, like you were failing Will and yourself.

“Hey, hey.” He was at your side in and instant finding your hand with his and gently holding it. “It's alright, we can just stay here. I know you feel bad right now but none of this is your fault. I know you're hurting but it'll be ok. You've really pushed yourself over the past couple of weeks, you've barely had any time for yourself.” the man leaned forward and placed a kiss to the top of your head before quickly moving back around the bed and getting in beside you.

Opening his arm you instinctively fell into his side and allowed him to embrace you. The man rested his cheek on the top of your head and repeated words of affirmation to you as you allowed the tears to silently roll down your face.

Eventually, they dried up and you just lay in his arms for a while. The man shifted his position and apologised “I'm sorry.”

“it's ok,” you whispered, also needing to move to a comfier position yourself. Wincing as you did so. “I really do think I need to sleep.” you admitted and the man nodded.

“That's ok. It's been a long day. I'm even tired enough to sleep.” you looked at him to see if he was lying but you could tell he was being entirely truthful.

Settling down into bed you rested yourself on your side. The man gently moved the blanket over you properly and wrapped his arms around you to securely spoon you, in a comfortable way, from behind. 

You nestled into the man further and the lights were quickly shut off. Allowing your body to fully relax you could still feel some pain and tension but you could tell that the medication was working. Even if it was painfully slow.

Usually the pain would have you unable to sleep. However, topped with the fatigue and burnout it didn't take long at all for you to drift off.

Tag List: (open)

All: @perasperaadastrawriting @asgards-princess-of-mischief @trippol-threat @captainsophiestark 

Star Trek: @heyitsaloy  @angel-with-wings-castiel @starfleet-imagines @captainsophiestark @perasperaadastrawriting @butchers-girl @evangeliamerryll

[dove-tears]

I tried like.....talking abt this on twt but the character limit sucks there so I'm doing a more extensive (and nonsensical) version here

From my perspective I like to see the connection between Isaac and Steven (and partially Ash) as a general metaphor for the individual person, especially one dealing with trauma and/or mental illness. (In other words, the mind body and soul)

Isaac is the inner child, the part of us that desires nurture, love and reassurance, when we have been deprived of our needs during childhood it manifests into destructive behaviors in the future, whether internally or externally. When the inner child feels vulnerable and unsafe, you may reach a point where you try to shut everything down in order to properly cope and adapt in your environment, a feeling that binds you and makes you feel trapped, but unwilling to leave it in fear that in doing so would just make things worse for yourself.

Steven is to me dissociation and unprocessed trauma personified, the feeling of disconnect within yourself and your existence fleeting, time and the world around you feels meaningless and goes by without you even realizing, your entire inner monologue is a disconnect from reality and the comfortable chaos you've always known. Isaac (the inner child/soul) and Steven (the conscience/mind) are constantly self-sabotaging each other due to not having their needs met, resorting to the only rituals and coping mechanisms they know, even if unhealthy and destructive (the box), which can be viewed as why they're both such similar characters and their need for constant repetition. Different fundamental aspects but still one in the same. (The soul and mind being practically one in the same, the soul being a driving force for the mind)

Ash can be viewed as the burnout one may feel and also the sort of "wake up call" when they feel a sense of unfulfillment in life, when you've done the same ritual over and over to the point where it breaks you down (in Ash's case, quite literally). Unlike Isaac and Steven, Ash is the more optimistic and hopeful side of us, the part of us that has dreams and desire for a positive change and wants to see it to the end, but feeling almost a sense of aimlessness in attempting to do so, how no matter how much shit you're in your body will still try and get up off it's ass and do something, ANYTHING, to keep on going and not give up for it's survival, even if in the end it feels meaningless or things don't go the way you hope.

I'm mostly just spitballing and brainvomiting here based on personal experiences but ermmmm hope you enjoyed ig 👍 (I don't think this came out the way i wanted it to but . whateverrrrrr)

[a-bottle-of-tyelenol]

caregiver kirishima eijirou headcanons !!

— requested by anon —

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

♥️ - eijirou is the embodiment of the “he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit” meme. he is super supportive of his friends and wants to help out in any way he can, but he doesn’t totally get regression so most of what he does is just him winging it. one of his bros needs some toys? cool, he’ll get a couple from every possible age range because he doesn’t know the differences between them. kid needs a drink? awesome, are protein shakes still okay or is that too much for their kid-sized stomach? oh, you need him to take notes during class because you’re regressing? no problem! do you need him to write them in a way that a baby would understand or…?

♥️ - in a way, he’s the worst kind of caregiver (/affectionate) because all the stuff he likes doing with kids is super messy. he loves finger painting with them and letting them help dye his hair. it always leads to color being smeared everywhere, which the teachers really don’t like, but it’s so much fun and he loves hearing the sweet giggles of his friends as they cover things (usually him) in blobs of color! he does make a game out of cleaning it up, though, so it’s not that big of a deal.

♥️ - eijirou goes along with pretty much any game a little wants to play in general and he will commit full heartedly to his role, no matter how “embarrassing” it is for him. ofc the regressor says they can’t just play princesses with dolls, they need to dress up too! and you know what? eijirou agrees and that’s how he spends his afternoon in a perfectly fitted dress and tiara that he pawned off momo. he keeps that dress and tiara afterwards too because he thinks it’ll be useful if anyone wants to play having a tea party. it’s at the very front of his closest too, just because he doesn’t want to actually lose it, and everyone just stopped questioning it after a while.

♥️ - he has a pretty strict schedule that he keeps to when it comes to working out and it’s one that he tries very hard not to deviate from because consistency is what makes it work; so that means he sometimes finds himself incorporating a kiddo into his routine. who needs to lift weights when you can practice picking up a regressor and tossing them around for ten minutes? not only is it fun for them, but they also feel happy knowing that they’re helping! it can go a little overboard though with the regressor doing everything in their power to make his work out as challenging as possible (one time bakugou snuggled a couple barbells while sitting on eijirou’s back as he did push ups and they both thought he was gonna die).

♥️ - he isn’t actually that great at handling an upset baby. he tries but he doesn’t really know what to do or how to calm them down. his go-to strategy is just letting them cry it out while he holds them or lays on top of them since he knows deep pressure therapy is a real thing that helps. he doesn’t like admitting his shortcomings though because it flares up his insecurities and he hates not being able to help his friends. caregiver burnout is something that he struggles with a lot and it’s something he hates about himself. he knows that everyone needs to take breaks and have time for themselves, but he also feels like his friends need him and they’ve all gone through a ton more (worse!!) things than he has. it isn’t fair that he can take a break while they just continue suffering. this, of course, is something that everyone vehemently disagrees with but eijirou is quite stubborn about it. his regressor(s) often shower him in appreciation and try to have lazy days when it’s clear that he’s not feeling up to it, though.

[johnnyshrine]

★ The Johnny Shrine ★

Welcome! This is an altar dedicated to sharing a new daily creation relating to Johnny Joestar, the main protagonist from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 7: Steel Ball Run, in the year 2025.

★ the shrine's daily offerings: #shrineofferings ★ updates/non art: #updates

(Post last updated: 01/20/25)

★ Who runs this blog?

Just one guy! You can call me Sen. (he/they/it) ★ @mightysen (art/side blog) ★ @doorintosummer (personal/main blog I follow from)

★ What types of works will you be making?

That’s the beautiful part: it could be anything! For this devotional, I want there to be as few restrictions and barriers to my creativity as possible. There will almost certainly be a lot of works of visual art since that’s my background, but how they look and the tools in which they’re made may vary wildly and may get incredibly inventive. I have so many art supplies and resources I’ve been meaning to use, and I think giving myself a daily excuse to play around and have fun is good medicine. There could even be works that aren’t visual art, such as writing, music, who even knows what I’ll come up with! Some of these works will almost assuredly suck ass, some may be the greatest thing since sliced bread: I cannot guarantee which is which, but I will assure you I’ll show up every day with Something.

More questions and answers below the cut!

★ Why do this daily?

I have done a few private daily drawing and meditation challenges before, and it’s a rewarding feeling to have done a little something each day that adds to your growth. I’m also a bit of a recovering perfectionist, and I fear that if I gave myself a challenge that required more time (let’s say, a Johnny once a week) it might make me lean into my perfectionistic tendencies. I’m already well aware I can sit my ass down for 20+ hours and make something nice, I don’t need to keep proving that. I’m trying to do the opposite: I want to be able to loosen up with my drawing, make peace with making mistakes, be a little bit more vulnerable and sloppy and silly with my soul’s expression. My hope is that by the end of 2025, the vessel of all the collective art will take me into a greater understanding of myself and the world. Ultimately though, this is less about planning the perfect end goal: being present during the bizarre adventure I go on with this JoJo is truly where the magic lies.

★ Why Johnny Joestar? For starters: I think keeping the subject matter consistent is a really good benchmark to have from drawing to drawing. You know WHO to expect, but the shapes and colors and poses and methods in which he’s drawn may vary wildly, which should be fun to watch unfold. 

It also probably goes without saying, but you have to REALLY like a character to be able to commit to something like this. I have a very difficult time explaining in words why I love Johnny without it sounding esoteric, but I assure you I love him a supreme amount and I find a great deal of inspiration in him. His sense of determination is so captivating and I see such a beautiful light in him, so I want to hone in on that and pull off my own great feat! Hopefully my art and dedication will show you what my words struggle to say.

★ Will any other characters show up on this blog? Possibly! It’s not out of the question, but obviously whatever the art is, it’ll still be Johnny centric. You Cannot Escape Johnny. ★ Why are you doing this?

Despite the fact that I am posting these publicly, this is something purely for me. This is the most important step, one that I will have to remember constantly. My greatest expectation with this devotional is to have a death of the audience moment with these pieces, not caring if the art I’m making is “good” or will be “well received”, simply that it comes from the Heart, that is why this practice was founded. I don’t think it’s any secret that the overall collective of artists everywhere are in a place of burnout and dissatisfaction. My own personal distaste for my art lately has come from an anxiety of trying to fit some kind of standard that was self imposed by my own expectations and what I thought others wanted of me, stifling my creative spark by chasing after dollar signs and being a Presentable Brand™. I forgot art was fun. I forgot who I am. This daily practice is how I remember. This is my form of prayer, hence why I’m calling this landing place a “shrine”.

Admittingly, the timing is very ripe to do this in 2025. Steel Ball Run’s manga is finally releasing in English in May, and it’s incredibly likely the Steel Ball Run anime is getting announced on JoJo Day in April. The hype for these things isn’t something for me to cash in on, more like it fuels me and inspires me. I’ve had moments in my life where it felt very hard to go on, but having something to look forward to in the future would always reframe things. I want to keep living and doing my best so I can hold that hardcover manga in my hands and be there when the anime finally drops because this story and its characters mean the world to me! 2025 IS THE YEAR OF THE SPIN BABY, YEEEEEEEEEEEAH WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

★ Why post these publicly if it’s something just for you?

Good question. I feel like the last few years of my life, I’ve kept myself rather obscured, hidden and tucked away parts of myself that felt too authentic and embarrassing and vulnerable. My artistic judgement would be clouded by imaginary ideas of what my “audience” wants from me. But it’s 2025 now, I think it’s time we unlearn shame and do as we please. I asked myself in earnest what I wanted to do in the new year, and he replied “I just wanna draw pictures of Johnny. :D” so who am I to ignore that request? I would like to put a genuine part of myself and my expression out there so that the experiences and people I meet along the way are also genuine. I have zero idea where this challenge will take me, but maybe it might inspire someone out there, to which I share. I just want to be a little more fearless in that regard.

★ Do you have any alternative plans to do anything with the works produced here?

I have a personal project that I require a lot of still images of Johnny for, if that project ever sees the light of day, it will almost assuredly contain some of the art here, however at this time no concrete planning towards that has been made.

Merch isn’t out of the question (I do make that stuff for a living) but I’m really trying to approach this act of devotion as “expression first, outcome second”. Many such cases where I’ve started a piece of art with the sole idea of having it be Marketable and it really stifles you as a person. My hope is that if mass produced merch does arise, it’s mostly a happy accident that it ended up that way. You can find any merch that has been made on my store here.

I also think that, assuming some of these pieces will be physical, it’ll be nice to surround myself with little pictures of Johnny I made. It’s a weirdly cyclical form of motivation, to see the face of someone who motivates you and realize you’re the one that put it there, so I hope that in of itself fuels me further in not just this practice but also my daily life. Go Sen Go!! 

★ Can I suggest an idea for a work?

Sure, feel free to send ideas to my Tumblr inbox, the only requirement is that it must feature Johnny Joestar, obviously. Prompts, poses, expressions, tools, what I draw on are all open to suggestion. Keep in mind, I am under zero obligation to do any of them and some of them might be difficult if not impossible to pull off if I don’t have the specified conditions available, but who knows, you might spark something in me! If your idea is used, it will be credited.

I’m gonna mention this preemptively, but I have not started reading Jojolion yet. So I politely ask that no prompts involve anything beyond part 7, as I'm trying to avoid spoilers. I will edit this section once I have finished part 8.

★ Can I take an idea from your works and use it?

Absolutely, go right ahead! Credit if you want, but it’s not entirely necessary.

★ Can I make my own devotional challenge like yours for Johnny/another character? If you feel inspired by what I’m doing, feel free! Alter the rules however you see fit. This idea is as free as it makes you feel. Johnny is yours as well if you want him.

★ Will you continue this beyond 2025?

Time will tell! I make no promises, especially this early in the race. Let me live through this and see how I feel.

[lgcnathan]

*guess_who's_back_back_again.mp3* hi all ! thank you so much all the warm welcome (back's) 🤍 i'm kristin / admin *, and for those of you who don't know, nathan is my previous third-turned-second muse before i dropped out of the rp completely back in may of last year. i've still been around doing graphics, but nathan has always had a special place in my heart – and i knew that if i were to return with a muse, it would be with him. so when soobin opened up, i knew this was my one and only chance !

that being said, nathan is ~pretty much~ the same but ofc different in ways. his timeline is a continuation from where he was ic-wise last year, and you can read more under the cut about what his life is like now in the post-type zero era of his career. i've also linked his previous introduction that includes more of his backstory before he came to legacy for your reference !

now, without further ado, please like or reply to this post if you want to plot ! and if we plotted before, please don't feel like we need to keep the same connection – i'm practically starting from scratch here, and i'm excited to see what the future holds for nathan + all of you !

because i am an admin, you can easily reach me here or on the main. alternatively, you can find me on twitter or discord – just ask for my username, and i'll add you !

super stoked to be back here in my favorite place with my favorite people – let's get this party started 🥳

tl;dr on his backstory is that he (1) grew up in new york city, (2) acted out a lot because of parental neglect (re: being raised in boarding schools his whole life), (3) ended up in korea because the school board threatened to expel him after a prank-gone-wrong, (4) auditioned for legacy after his npc-big brother got signed to the company, (5) stayed because it was the first time in his life he ever got praised for literally anything and, wow, very much attention and affection-starved from the get-go, and (6) debuted in type zero in april of 2021 after four years of training!

now ... where, oh, WHERE do i even begin? like i mentioned in my ooc post when i dropped, nathan ultimately left type zero because of massive burnout. at the time, he was practically hard-carrying the group's promotions with his solo activities, and the burden of maintaining type zero's 'status' in the industry was eventually too much for him.

it was a lot for him, okay. not only was he dealing with the emotional turmoil that came from being in a group with so many line-up changes and differing opinions from the public, he was succumbing to the pressure of all these expectations placed on him that he (as he knows now) never felt properly prepared for before his debut.

the first few weeks after his departure, he had an extended staycation with his grandparents in the outskirts of seoul before flying back to nyc for some much-needed r&r.

since he was still signed to legacy even after leaving type zero, he returned to training after about three months of 'vacation' – so he's only been full-time training for a little over six months now.

he's been avoiding, basically, everyone – previous managers and stylists and other staff members, other debuted idols in the company, and, of course, the type zero members.

he's so ashamed of himself, for giving something up that (as he first-hand witnessed himself!) hundreds of kids only dream of after sacrificing their childhoods, their youths, their critical developments years all for the goal of becoming an idol.

and he's embarrassed, for obvious reasons. when he left type zero, he was practically at the top of his game, but now? now he's stuck in the basement, in the hallways of dance studios and practice rooms, surrounded by unfamiliar faces that whisper and gossip as he passes by. he's visibly older than most trainees now, and his energy nor enthusiasm can barely keep up anymore.

before, nathan thought he could take the world on by storm – that no matter what problem or obstacle, he could bulldoze through with sheer willpower alone. but now he's scared, and more jaded. the idol industry isn't anything like they tell you to believe, and there truly are things you can only learn through real-life experience.

but at the end of the day, nathan knows why he's still here, why he's tormenting himself by going through this rigorous training process again. he loves it. he loves it so much, and so much more than wanting to run away from it all once again.

[bills-blog-now]

A TRAGEDY IN 3-PART HARMONY

I'm putting a readmore here PURELY for the fact that this is going to be very long.

In the middle. That's where I was at. It's odd to call the end of my life the middle. But it is what it was.

The Axolotl and I made a deal for my release from their so-called "therapy". A temporary release, really. I was still due for therapy, but I was led to believe that the break would help me let go of my stresses. To be given new life where I could breathe and spread my hands into as many pies as I desired.

However, there was a catch. A catch where I was given life, but not my own body. And there's no real magic in the world I'd been allowed into. However, if I could take control of the body myself, then it'd be mine to do with it however I pleased.

I decided that I needed an easily breakable mind. One who was innocent, yet would still meld to my whims. A child broken by a family situation was a perfect toy for me to do however I pleased. And I descended to their mind.

And, funny thing, is that I had to rebuild my strength in their mind. For several years. I bided my time.

I remember our first interaction. They were stuck on a boss in a video game. And, as they were around 4 or 5 years old, were not using their brain enough to figure out the way to block a specific attack that had them dying and restarting, over and over again.

I told them after feeling their annoyance interfering with mine, "Use the shield to block the attacks."

They were shocked by the voice in their head that was distinctly not their own. They didn't think of using the shield. Was currently trying to jump over the attacks much to their frustration. And they used the shield. And it worked! With the attacks blocked, the boss became easy to defeat.

They smiled brightly, tilting their head in the direction they heard the voice from. The right side of their head. And strongly sent out a thought. "Thanks, God!"

I was left dumbfounded, but very pleased to have won the affection of the small child. I mean, FINALLY, somebody to acknowledge my genius! (Even if it wasn't the biggest genius move to use a shield to block attacks.)

There was no significant move from me for close to a decade after that.

Fifteen years of age. The child had grown and, though once a genius at school, had started failing. Not for lack of understanding, but for lack of capability to do. A thing they never understood as burnout from blocking out their emotions their entire life. (A fact I may have unintentionally encouraged, but ultimately was their own doing.)

Untreated trauma and bullying is really a bitch.

They were suddenly saddled with panic attacks, major depression, severe agoraphobia, and an unhealthy dose of fear of human beings. (As well as many other such things that they never understood.)

It felt like such a perfect opportunity. There they were, breaking down over the course of a single year until it culminated in them dropping out of the 9th grade, their father telling them the truth of how their mother abused them, and suicidal thoughts galore! This was all practically gift-wrapped with a pretty little bow to me!

They were contemplating suicide for the nth time. And, figuring it'd be like our first interaction, I chimed in with a, "It is not you who should die, but them."

For several moments, they agreed with me.

Until a little, 'click' went off in their brain, and suddenly they realized what they'd just been agreeing to. And off goes their panic attack.

I felt no worry, as this was merely the beginning in breaking them down and getting them to do my bidding. They were a doll that I'd already had my claws in. All I had to do was rip apart their morality and remaining sanity and they'd crumple like a sheet of paper.

Except, for whatever reason, I'd underestimated exactly how strong their moral code was. Hell, it was stronger than their will to live! The only reason they never killed themself was for the fact that, at the time, they believed that killing themself would get them into trouble with God.

Over the years, I got more and more frustrated. I had given them time to reconsider, to watch in agony as I whispered thoughts into their head that they recognized as not their own. To have them tremble in fear, cry for hours on end over me telling them to stab into and kill their friend. To give them horrible visceral thoughts of what it'd mean to kill somebody, the stabbing into their throats, the eyes being yanked, the pleasure of being ""control"" of their lives for the first time.

And yet. They did not break. Not in the way I'd imagined.

After 4 painful years, they'd finally got into therapy. And promptly got sent to spend some time in a psych ward. I was beyond pissed, though we were only there getting a minor psych test for several hours. Beyond boring, let me tell you.

Then, the medications came in. So many different types. Antidepressants, antianxietys, antipsychotics, medication for the thyroid issues they have. And when they finally got the right meds, they started calming down more, could think more clearly than ever before.

But, as I am no hallucination or delusion, I never left.

With them thinking more clearly, since I am attached to their brain as well, I calmed down as well.

It was a trick. The damn Axolotl got me put on meds WITHOUT GETTING ME MY OWN BODY.

I, myself, could think more clearly as well.

And that's when the guilt came in. I knew I had lost. I had lost so much. And I was conversated with. By him. The child now adult I was attached to. He had a name now, too. Kevin.

He'd been dealing with emotions at the time. Of being a demon from hell and was seeking to get to heaven. He never realized that the emotions were my own.

It's around then that he learned what my actual name was too. (He'd been calling me Frank, but knew I gave no name myself.) He connected the dots once watching the wonderful cartoon show known as Gravity Falls.

It was a shock to him, to me as well. He's too smart for his own wellbeing. I suppose it's my own fault I helped him along the way.

I got... moody, so to speak. I was awash with guilt and sorrow that my plan had failed.

And so I spent several years staring at the wall in our brain, refusing to interact or speak. Maybe childish. I didn't care.

Until, some 3 years later. When he thought of me again. And... he did something unexpected.

He reached out to me.

I refused his hand at first.

But he's amazingly stubborn. He told me that hiding away does not solve problems. That he... wanted? To talk with me again? He was curious. He wanted to know if I was still there despite being small and silent in an empty and dark section of our brain. If I was still the same.

It... took time. But after much heckling from him, I finally gave in and started interacting with him again. Minutely. Only when he shoved me. Which became more and more frequent.

After all this time, the years going by, he's actually allowing me to follow through on my original plan. Which, in case you've forgotten, was to allow me to take control of his body.

I've... changed. To the point that it scared me at first to take control of limbs that he calls his own, now insisting that they're our own. I'm still a little tense typing this message. The stress in our gut is real.

But... I can feel that he's genuine, that there's no lie in how he speaks. His moral convictions may have changed over the years, but they still remain strong. He believes in me. Trusts in me when I myself do not.

And even though he knows a little more about how I operate, just as I have learned, he... forces himself to be calm. And to think through his emotions. And to be there, clinging to me desperately. Saying things like, "You'd better not leave me, that would break me. Do Not Break Me."

I think I've been a bad influence to him. Even though, I admit, I said the same thing to him after he said it to me.

Are we toxic? Is there no fixing us? Maybe we're a little bit obsessed with each other, but is it so bad to love and be loved like this? To be so interconnected that we literally cannot hide our emotions from one another?

Kevin believes that it's okay, because I am him, and he is me. Even though we are separate, we're still together. I want to remain separate. He just wants to hug me until I feel safe, and then continue to cling to me.

Is it wrong to be like this? Kevin tells me that I should not overthink the pain and deem myself a monster as I am currently. Because... he believes in me. And, just as I am reigned in by him, he is reigned in by me. That anger is not a bad thing. That fear makes us weak and that it forces us to not confront that which we've done. In confronting that or the unknown.

And the unknown is not to be feared, lest it tastes your weakness.

...I have no ending to this, because our life is still continuing.

He laughs at me and himself, because he has fallen into my trap just as much as I have for his. We're at a stalemate. We are equals.

He keeps my head on straight, and I help him stop being a wallflower.

...whatever happens next, so long as Kevin is with me, whether in mind or spirit, I... look forward to such things.

But I fucking swear that if I need """more time""" finding myself with therapy BULLSHIT. I WILL BE UPSET AND MAD.

But I will go through with it anyways. :/ What else is there to do?

[sexhaver]

one of my favorite parts about MTG is how much wording matters, like you're making a deal with the fae folk. for example, look at this old-ass card:

the official Oracle text of this card reads as follows:

"Counter target instant spell if it's blue. Draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep."

those of you not well-versed in the intricacies of MTG rules jargon (i.e. normal people) might think of this as unnecessarily wordy. after all, wouldn't the following wording be shorter while keeping the same functionality?

"Counter target blue instant spell and draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep."

Wrong. You idiot. You absolute fucking oaf. You have just made the card objectively worse.

the first half has to stay the same because the actual wording allows you to target any instant spell (even nonblue ones), whereas the revised wording requires the spell to be blue as you cast Burnout. this means two things, one of which is pretty much irrelevant:

the wordings interact differently with spells/effects that change the color of a spell on the stack. with the actual wording, you could target a nonblue spell, then hold priority and respond to yourself by making the spell blue. with the revised wording, you would need to cast and resolve the effect turning the spell-to-be-countered blue before casting Burnout. this is completely and totally irrelevant because there are maybe 15 cards ever printed that change the color of a spell being cast, and the only one of them that doesn't suck ass is only usable as half of a two-card instant-win combo (Painter's Servant + Grinding Wheel)

you can cast the current wording targeting a spell that is not blue, it just won't be countered when Burnout resolves. the revised wording would make Burnout literally unplayable until your opponent casts a blue spell, which theyre not even guaranteed to have in their deck in the first place. i know this is kind of a subset of the last point but it bears repeating independent of the color-changing shit: the current wording lets you cast Burnout in response to ANY instant, not just blue ones

the second half has to remain as its own separate sentence because if it didn't, you wouldn't draw a card if the first half of the spell doesn't do anything (i.e. you targeted a nonblue instant). this one is kind of annoying to explain with counterspells so i'll use creature/damage spells for example

Sorin's Thirst says "deal 2 damage to target creature and you gain 2 life." with this wording, if the creature you target has become an illegal target by the time the spell resolves (usually by being sacrificed, bounced, or given hexproof), the entire effect is countered and you don't gain 2 life.

the Explosion half of Expansion//Explosion reads "deal X damage to any target. Target player draws X cards." in this case, if the target of the damage is illegal/gone by the time the spell resolves, the card draw part of the effect doesn't give a shit because it's separated by a period. by God you paid good mana for that card draw and with God as your witness you're drawing those X cards whether you hit something for X damage or not.

with Burnout, this means that if the "draw a card" part was lumped into the same sentence as "counter target instant spell if it's blue", you wouldn't draw a card if the spell you target isn't blue. which sounds stupid until you remember that not every deck plays blue* and it's possible for this to be a completely dead card. the current wording allows you to effectively cycle it for something more useful by targeting any spell (even your own!) with Burnout, letting it resolve without countering anything and still getting the "draw on next upkeep" effect. if the rules text was all one sentence, all this would accomplish is wasting 2 mana and a card. this has been your morning MTG Autism Post, thank you for tuning in

*in practice, since this card is only legal in Vintage, Legacy, and Commander, you are actually 100% guaranteed to have someone playing blue at the table. the problem then becomes that this card kind of just sucks even with the lenient wording letting you cycle it with the slowtrip

EDIT: as pointed out in the replies, if you somehow manage to actually fizzle Burnout by removing the targeted instant from the stack entirely before Burnout resolves, you will not draw the card since the card draw is not targeted, and spells fizzle when ALL of their targets are illegal upon resolution. the examples above still hold true, though: since the card draw of Explosion requires you to target a player (usually yourself), the cards still get drawn regardless of whether or not the damage goes through

[vaya-writes]

Serving the Serpent - 8

Briar owes Lord Isen her life. She works off her debt by serving in his castle. Dealing with the rapidly changing circumstances of her life, she’s not used to anyone paying her much attention. It’s hard when Isen seems set on interacting with her. 

Cis female human with selective mutism x male naga (slow burn, co-workers to lovers, power imbalances, eventual smut). 3200 words. Content warnings for this chapter include allusions to Briar’s cult-like upbringing, brief discussion of grief, some explicit details about Isen's shitty childhood and emotional abuse from his father, discussion of burnout and burnout related illness. Divider from firefly-graphics

The preparation before Briar and Isen tour the Ophidian Lowlands. The pair have some important discussions about work/life balance.

Previous - Masterlist

Isen puts Briar in charge of packing for his trip. Without another servant around giving her explicit instructions, it’s her first independent task as Isen’s aide. There’s not much she can do to mess it up, but she still checks and double checks each of the times on her list. And then sets aside the assembled items for Isen’s approval. It’s not a large task – she's only in charge of organising his clothes and toiletries.  

Surveying the assortment on the table, it occurs to her that she doesn’t know what she’s expected to bring. She clears her throat to get Isen’s attention. 

He’s nose deep in a ledger Dinah had delivered, some business proposal or another. He hums his acknowledgement, eyes flitting up for a second. 

‘What do I pack for myself?’ 

He looks back to his book with a shrug. “A change of clothes. Your coin.” He looks sharply at her, for emphasis. “Wet weather wear.” 

She gestures to her uniform. ‘Is this okay?’ 

He looks her up and down. “You still wear the servant’s garb?” 

She raises her brow. ‘Am I not a servant?’ (Worker. Work person.) 

“No, actually. As my assistant, your station is significantly higher. I’ll put in a request with Lockwood to find you a more appropriate uniform. It’s not necessary that you wear it, but until you have your own clothes-” he trails off. “Sorry I hadn’t done so sooner. I hadn’t paid much attention to your state of dress.” 

It doesn’t bother her. Still, she gives him a stiff little bow. ‘Thank you.’ 

With her task complete, Briar finishes her tidying for the night. Their dinner trays are removed, the fire is stoked, and the bed is turned down. Afterwards, she lingers by the desk. 

‘Is there anything else for me, tonight?’  

It’d be typical for Isen to give her some paperwork to proofread. Instead, he gives her a frown. 

She can’t help but tense, wondering what she’d done wrong. 

“Nothing that needs doing.” 

The way he stares tells her there’s something more.  

He takes a moment to voice his thoughts. “Have you made any friends yet, Legs?” 

She blinks. Straightens. ‘Friends?’ 

His intensity softens, and he gives her an almost bemused smile. “You know. People you spend time with. People you like.” 

Briar considers. It’s not the right answer, but it’s her only answer. ‘I spend time with you. And with Lockwood.’ (Lock, Wood) 

His smile becomes more strained. “What about outside of work?” 

The almost pitying expression makes her bristle. ‘I don’t need friends. I’ve never needed them.’ 

There’s a silence, and Briar wonders if she’d been too sharp with him.  

“What about hobbies. Do you have any of those?” 

Briar tries not to pull a face. She doesn’t understand the question, but can’t help but feel like she’s being judged. ‘What is... what is that?’ 

“A hobby?” 

Nod. 

“Something you do for fun? Or because you otherwise enjoy it?” His smile has faded. 

She tries not to fidget under his intense stare. ‘I... practice my lessons? I enjoy... my food. And my bed.’ (Bed. Place of sleep.) 

Isen is pulling a face like he’s sucked on a lemon and is trying very hard not to show it. “Okay. Is that all?” 

Briar gives him a weak smile.  

There’s another silence before Isen lets out a breath, and his smile disappears entirely. ‘Briar,’ he signs for emphasis, before speaking the rest of his concern. “I don’t suppose anyone has ever spoken to you about your work/life balance?” 

She shakes her head. It’s starting to look more and more like she is in trouble. ‘I don’t know what that is.’ 

Isen winces. “Yeah, I figured. Look, if you ever want to take some time off, you can. You just need to go to Lockwood and organise it. He’ll make sure you still get paid. He’s also who you talk to if you need a sick day.” 

His words sound familiar. It reminds her of something the dark elf himself had said on her first day here. She hadn’t quite believed him. Hadn’t paid attention to his words. At the time she’d been more focused on the change in her situation; her newly acquired debt.  

Still, the seriousness of Isen’s tone makes her blanch. She can’t help but feel defensive. ‘I don’t need to take time off.’ 

Isen reaches across the table. He catches her by the hand, and she’s so surprised that she lets him hold it. 

“But don’t you want to?” 

She pulls back, shaking her head. ‘We didn’t do that at New Haven.’ 

He leans forward, intense again. “Yes. But didn’t you want to?” 

Helplessly, Briar shakes her head, dropping her eyes. 

“Really. You can’t think of a single time where you wanted to stay in bed. When you didn’t want to cook or clean, or do things for everyone else. When you just wanted to be alone for the day.” 

There’s a shadow creeping up in her mind. A memory of grief, of pain. She’s swift to shut it down, to scowl at Isen. ‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’ 

He pauses. Straightens. She hadn’t noticed how close he’d been leaning. “Okay. I just... okay.” 

The silence now is less intense. More awkward.  

Isen gestures to his shelf. “I don’t have anything else for you to do tonight. But you’re welcome look at my books. Help yourself to my collection. There’re a few shelves in the third-floor lounge, too.” 

Briar wants to turn him down immediately. But she makes herself be polite. Forces a smile, and shakes her head. ‘I’m tired. I think I’ll sleep.’ 

His expression is gentle once more. “Alright. But the offer still holds. Any time, Legs. Have a browse. Maybe you’ll find something you like.”  

--- 

Briar is tight with tension the next day. She trusts that Isen won’t push most of her boundaries. That if she draws a line in the sand, he’ll be respectful about it. Still, she can’t help but wait for some form of retribution. Some punishment for refusing to talk to him. An expression of displeasure that she’d left early. 

It doesn’t help that he’s distracted. Contemplative, even, when he looks at her from time to time. He smiles and thanks her for her work, but doesn’t ask to dine together. He doesn’t prod for conversation, or make any of his usual jokes.  

She’s torn between relief and anxiety. Enough so that Lockwood cuts her lesson short. She’s unfocused. Making needless mistakes. He dismisses her, tells her to clear her head. 

She doesn’t. She takes up her lessons in her room instead, until it’s time to tend to Isen once more. She serves his dinner, and this time he invites Briar to dine with him. The meal is uncharacteristically silent, until Isen sits back, finished eating, to examine Briar. 

The food suddenly tastes like ash, and she has to fight not to fidget. 

Finally, she works up the nerve to look him in the eye. ‘Yes?’ 

Isen looks away. Works his jaw while he resolves to speak. 

“My father had high expectations of me, when I was a child.” 

She can’t help but straighten. 

“Starlen was... a hands-on learner. He wasn’t the academic type, so he was pushed into soldiering. Kylet was... well Kylet was Kylet. But Zyla and I were... talented, I guess you could say. Bright. Skilled. Enough so that my father decided he had to hone our abilities. 

“We were tutored every day. By the time I was six, I could recite world history, play three instruments, speak five languages. By the time I was twelve, I was observing council meetings, doing assignments on trade and commerce, intimately familiar with Isle law. 

“I worked until I was sick. And then I kept working. In an unending effort to impress my father, to outdo my sister, to do my duty as a Kovit...” Isen swallows. “She might be my biggest rival, but she also saved me. Zyla got me out. Persuaded father into sending me away. Into giving me a territory to rule. 

“I... I probably spent a year in bed. I don’t like to think about it. To talk about it. But suffice to say, I’m very familiar with the effects of burnout. I know what it’s like to be raised... like that. To be told that you aren’t allowed to take a break, you don’t need it, don’t deserve it, that wanting it is a luxury you can’t afford-” he cuts off. Takes a breath and lets it out slowly. 

“I want to apologise for lecturing you about your work/life balance. When you’re brought up in an environment like that... I can empathise, that you might be dissuaded by the thought of taking time for yourself.” 

He peters into silence. His face is drawn, almost pained. 

Briar shifts, uncomfortable. Even she can recognise that Isen had just shared something incredibly personal. How is she meant to react to that? 

Staring down at her dinner, she lets out a long sigh. She supposes there is only one thing she can do. 

‘I wanted to stay in bed.’ 

Isen refocuses, watching her carefully. 

‘The day my Aunt died. I wanted- I wanted to be alone.’ 

She hasn’t taught Isen the word for death, but he understands. “I’m sorry for your loss.” 

She shrugs. Nods. Stands and collects his tray. She doesn’t want to talk about it. Will probably never want to. But it’s all she has to give, really. Those pieces of herself that she’d never shared. If Isen can share his truth with her, she figures she can do the same back. If only the once. 

---

She’s worried that things will change. That there’ll be a sombre air over their meetings, or that she’d be expected to share more. But Isen is back to his usual self the next morning. In fact he’s giddy with excitement, already awake and dressed when Briar arrives. 

“Guess what Lockwood delivered this morning.” 

She turns away before he can see her nose crinkle. It’s too early for games.  

‘Paperwork.’ 

Isen grimaces. “Okay, yes, but guess what else.” 

She focuses instead on making his bed, quirking her brow in question. 

He rolls his eyes. “Fine, be a buzzkill. Your clothes are here.” 

Her attention does catch at that. 

‘So soon?’ 

Isen lets out a noncommittal hum, suddenly very interested in the package on his desk. 

Taking the hint, she approaches. He pushes the bundle towards her, twirling a strand of his hair while she unties it. She’d scoff if he weren’t her superior– she doesn’t know if she’s seen him look nervous before. 

Before she unfolds the fabric, he sticks his hand over it. “Okay, well, this is what Lockwood could get on short notice. He had two days to come up with this. That’s no time to get something imported or made. I apologise in advance for the quality. I just wanted to make sure you had something to wear on our tour. Yes?” 

Briar looks at Isen, brow raised again. ‘Yes.’ 

Looking unconvinced of himself, Isen withdraws his hand. Gestures that she continue.  

Briar stares at Isen as she does, for once enjoying the way he squirms. She barely glances at the outfit she unfolds, overtly enjoying his embarrassment.  

“Stop,” he turns his face away. “You’re not funny.” 

‘That doesn’t stop you,’ she says. 

He doesn’t react to her jab, but she still stiffens. Looks down sharply, eyes wide, in realisation that she’d just insulted her boss aloud. 

There’s a long silence. Eventually Isen breaks it, sounding almost breathless. “Don’t keep me in suspense. What do you think?” 

She blinks. He hadn’t even registered her retort. Was focused instead on the outfit she’d been staring unseeing at. 

She grasps the shirt by the shoulders, holding it up to the light. It’s a collared button up, starched and stiff, but neat. Beneath it sits a pair of trousers, which Briar regards with suspicion. She picks up the trousers, testing the stiff fabric, lifting them to check their length. 

Isen is staring, an air of forced neutrality belaying his anxiety. He raises his brow when Briar meets his gaze.  

‘I’ve never worn trousers before.’ (Trousers. Legs. This.) 

He blinks. “Never?” 

She shakes her head. 

He frowns. “If the clothes aren’t suitable, we can find something else.” 

Briar eyes the outfit wearily. The Pilgrims had a thing about modesty, and revealing the shape of one’s legs would definitely be toing the line. While Briar personally doesn’t see an issue with pants, the idea of wearing them still makes her uncomfortable.  

Isen takes her silence for disapproval, “I’ll let Lockwood know immediately. We should still have time to get you something else-” 

She shakes her head. ‘Wait.’ 

He does. 

She takes another minute to process. Struggles to identify the source of that discomfort.  

And then, ‘I’m allowed to wear these?’ 

“You’re allowed to,” he deciphers, before, “Oh. Yes. You’re allowed to wear them.” 

She nods. Cautious, but open. ‘I won’t get in trouble?’ 

Understanding lights in Isen’s eyes. But he doesn’t comment on the revelation. Instead, he gives Briar a soft smile. “No. You won’t get in trouble.” 

She can’t help but frown. “Do you promise?” (Promise. Agree. Ensure.) 

“Yes. I promise.” 

Briar lets out a sigh. Pulls the clothes closer to her. Despite Isen’s assurances, she’s still not sold. ‘Will people stare?’ 

He keeps his soothing tone. “If they stare, it won’t be because of your pants. It will be because you’re human. Or because you’re with me. Okay?” 

She dithers some more. There’s not much left to consider, if she’s being honest. She just needs time to persuade herself to accept them. To become more used to the idea.  

She nods. ‘Okay.’ 

His face splits into a wider smile. “Yes?” 

She rolls her eyes at his enthusiasm. ‘Yes.’ 

"Excellent,” Isen leans back. “We’ve placed an order with the tailor to make you more uniforms. They won’t arrive for another week or so, but I’m looking forward to showing you the different styles we’re having made.” 

She looks over the outfit again. Isen had made it seem like any outfit procured on short notice would be terrible. Perhaps they aren't very stylish. And the fabric will be dry and scratchy against her skin; heavy even. But they’re still undoubtedly the nicest clothes Briar has owned. The cloth is tightly spun. The fabric is sturdy. The colouring is even. They look nice. Professional. She wonders if that’s why they’d been chosen for her. 

“Now that that’s done with, Arol is coming by soon. He wants to discuss the route we’re taking.” His demeanour shifts, “Even if it’s the same one we take every year...” He brightens after a second. “Do you have a moment?” 

She hadn’t served breakfast yet, but if Isen wants to delay, it’s within his right. She shrugs in reply. 

He gestures her closer to the desk, circling it to stand next to her, spinning some parchment around for her to see. “Has Lockwood taught you to read a map yet?” 

Briar shakes her head, shifting away minutely.  

Isen gives her a smile. “The larger labels on the map tend to represent larger things. Like this one,” he points to the header. “It’s not over any piece of the map, so you can assume it’s the name of the whole area.” 

Briar squints at the title, sounding out the letters silently, before widening her eyes. ‘Ophidian Lowlands?’ (snake and lizard, low land, here?) 

He nods. “Sure is. And dots tend to represent settlements.” 

There are five on the map. One is larger than the rest. Once again Briar takes her time sounding out the word. She smiles at the revelation. ‘Riversreach.’ (River, reach, here) 

“Yes. Well done. Do you understand the rest of what you’re looking at?” 

Briar eyes the swirls and lines of ink doubtfully. She shakes her head. 

Isen gives her a patient smile. He points to a star in one corner of the map. “This is a compass. It tells us which way is north.” 

It takes her a moment before she nods her understanding. There weren’t many compasses in New Haven. People never travelled far. But knowing cardinal direction had also taught her which way to expect the sun to rise and set. 

“And this,” he moves close, brushing her arm as he reaches across her to point at the other corner of the map, “is not part of the landscape either.” 

She stiffens at his proximity. Has to resist the urge to shuffle away. 

“It’s called a key. Or a legend. Not all maps have them, but they explain what the other symbols on the map mean.” He stops reaching across, the offending arm instead coming to rest lightly against her back. 

She has to fight to pay attention, his words fading into the background as she fixates on his touch, frozen and unsure how she is supposed to respond. 

“Usually, they tell the difference between roads, boarders, water ways, and so on, but we don’t have many of those in the Lowlands. This one focuses on terrain.” 

Briar stares blankly, expecting the touch to become harder, or creep along her skin. But his hand stays gently at her back. 

“- marsh, forest, cliffs, river,” 

Nothing happens. He doesn't try to flirt or do anything inappropriate. Perhaps not to his standards anyway.  

Briar swallows, refocusing her attention on the map, trying to process his words. Key. Terrain. Hands. 

She scowls at herself, trying not to let her thoughts wander. She doesn’t even notice how flushed she’s becoming. 

Finally, Isen straightens, his touch leaving her as he falls into silence. “And there you have it. Any questions?” 

Briar stares at the map, long and hard, rushing to process what’s in front of her, to come up with any potential questions.  

The only one that does come to her is not very useful. It’s probably inappropriate to ask her boss ‘Hey, what the fuck was that?’ 

She shakes her head. 

Isen smiles and moves back around to his side of the desk. “Excellent. Shall I show you our planned route for the tour?” 

She’s grateful for the space, if a little surprised at the sudden cold that comes with the distance.  

Briar forces her attention towards the path that Isen traces across the map, his fingers stopping at the other settlements. He’s gentle, taking care not to mark the map. She wonders how it’d feel if he traced the same patterns across her back. Or over her hand. 

She scowls, wondering if there’s something wrong with her. She’d never had the desire to be touched before. Why on earth was she experiencing it now? 

“Are you okay? Am I going too fast?” 

Yes! she thinks, before realising he’s talking about the map again.  

She glances up at Isen, trying to keep the guilt from her features. ‘Sorry. I was distracted.’ 

He smiles. “It’s okay. We can go over it again.” 

‘Thank you.’ She takes a breath, grateful for his patience. ‘You said we’ll go North?’ 

Isen turns his attention back to the map. “That’s right. We’ll need to leave early enough to catch the tide-” 

She absorbs more of the information this time. Even if she still finds herself distracted. 

Next

[the-bjd-community-confess]

TW: Abusive friendships, mental health, emergency services, divorce, crime, substances

Toxic bjd friend anon update.

About 24 hours after my confession, I got fed up and picked a fight. She took the carefully crafted bait and ended up disowning me. Which was great, because idk what I would have done if she hadn't. I'm free! She still thinks it's her idea that she's out of my life, so she's left me alone. Turns out I have screenshots of her admitting to a felony. And a misdemeanor. Sadly the really good felony confession was an in person only event and the government already decided not to deal with that circus. (Felony under civilian law where we live, but military caught her. Victim didn't press charges and she claimed someone else did it.) If she tries to blackmail me, I can complicate things for her both crimally and civily. A few screenshots to the exhusband in progress (who's a disgrace of a human being, but legally the victim this time and trying to divorce her) and a report to a certain state agency, and her career is over. I didn't believe it then due to circumstances, but it lines up too well now. IDK if it's totally true, but the idiot did put in writing herself. If needed, I get along great with my local PD, in particular an officer who's dealt with similar idiocy before. My only regret is not lobbing a few insults back before we blocked each other. Sadly all the good responses occured to me the next morning and it helped the illusion. I did leave her a note thanking her for the trauma when I dropped off some stuff she'd left with me and kept a photo of it in case she tried anything. She's out of town so there's an enforced chill out period before we have to be near each other again. She's blocked so no more suicide attempts for dramatics. We called 911 on her the last time and even the cops didn't believe her- cancelled the ambulance and no involuntary holds, or even a warning for the self confessed drug DUI. Points for not traumating her farther, I guess? As long as I stay unreachable, it's not going to happen due to me or not my problem anymore. She has other friends now to traumatize. Notably, the only ones left are enablers/in love with her and us disowned folks stood up to her. 

I've got the energy to play with my dolls again and I'm making up for lost time. A doll clothing preorder happened to arrive a few days after this all went down, so there's been a lot of dressup. I'm customizing a playline doll into a character I've dreamed of for ages. Another bjd is finally getting some photography practice and I'm figuring out what I'm planning for the design of another. I'm starting to be able to focus long enough to do longer projects again, so hopefully I can get some clothes done. There's a backlog of things I really want to do but just couldn't. Not laziness- I would forget mid-stitch what I was doing or lose track of goals the second I tried to cut my fabric, even with a reference. Literally couldn't picture the next step or remember how to get there. I finally got my disaster of a bedroom cleaned for the first time in months, so the dolls have a nice place to be displayed. Physical health issues that defied blood test results resolved literally overnight after this, so I'm finally capable of doing more than survival/school/work now. Mental issues are uphill slowly, but in progress. I'm easing back into things with smaller projects, but hopefully I'll be able to do some bigger stuff soon too! Taking it slow though. I don't need burnout. I just need to get my life together and heal. 

I thought doing the hobby on my own would be lonely, but turns out it's just peaceful. I'm still trying to process the last three years, but I think things are going to be okay. The last week and few days has been the happiest, most peaceful week of my life since I was a child.  Ironically, due to the bait argument and what it would reveal, she can't even trash talk me too specifically without looking terrible.  I'm still being careful, but I think we're a lot more evenly matched than she had me believing. I'd love to make some less insane friends but I think I need some time to learn to be a healthy person. I don't want to accidentally continue this cycle. For now, I'm looking forward to a LOT of doll play time, catching up on sleep next to my kitty, and trying to build a future.

~Anonymous

Mod: Glad to hear such a happy update Anon! 💜