#step out of your brain
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Today my couples therapy asked me: "so how long have you known you liked girls for and not liked men?"
Me: "a few months. It was a big surprise!"
Like I'm not sure people realize how much of a surprise it is to find out you're a lesbian at 29.
#he also kept refering to “like women like that” and “physical intimacy”#my dude#you're supposed to specialize in autistic folks#step out of your brain#and USE MORE DETAILED TERMS#also to be an old fart for a minute#“back in my day like you had to be worried about coming out to friends”#like im not sure the youths realize just how much the general thoughts towards queer folks jave changed in the last 20 years#i remember watching some Country Music Awards event and an interviewer asking the artists what they thought of the queer community#and most of them said they thought marriage should be between a man and a woman!#like granted im also viewing it through the eyes of someone who grew up pretty conservative#but like#i used to get grossed out at the idea of girls kissing#but i guess it could also be the whole “be pure of heart#thing#like i was EXTREMELY mormon#i did not picture myself at 30 (i didn't picture myself at 30 at all actually#because i wanted to die before i commited too many sins#but i thought i would be married#a stay at home mom with like 4 kids or something#so my message to the youths today is#HOLY CRAP YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD IT GETS AND OH BOY AM I A DIFFERENT PERSON THEN I WAS WHEN I WAS 19
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with Luo Qingyang and Lou Binghe having the same last name I got start thinking of an au: like what if lbh was her little brother
tho what's funnier lbh in the mdzs universe or that means tlj is lou qingyangs dad in that au
I wanted to give this a genuine answer but I kept getting distracted by Lou Binghe...so...yeah.
#poorly drawn svsss#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#modern au#homestuck#ask#More of a warning tag than an organization tag. Even though this is not my first homestuck crossover. Or my last.#Do *not* ask me to justify why modern au svsss translated into 'homestuck casual cosplayer LBH'. I don't know. I don't know!!!#It was 2am and my brain is completely cooked! It just kept happening bro!#I do think modern AU LBH would absolutely be a causal cosplayer by the way. Maybe not homestuck. Probably an anime.#I will take suggestions and the best one (very loose definition of best) I will draw. Or do another poll to then draw.#This is your call to action (the one reading this <3)#Shen (shawn) Yuan absolutely has 'I read homestuck since it's days on the mspa forums' energy. He would have been in deep.#Shang Quinghua can also have a little 'After finishing the series he became a clown gender e-boy'. As a treat.#Ok I got it out of my system. I can answer the ask properly now.#LBH would have been so much more normal if he had mianmian as a role model.#“if it sucks - hit the bricks. Do not succumb to the sunk cost fallacy” is a motto LBH really needed to hear.#Both of them do start from the bottom and seek a rise to the top - only to take a step back and realize it isn't the most important thing.#So it is a kind of neat parallel!
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let people enjoy things, let the fandom have fun! lets not look into deeper things thats pretentions, lets not engage with anything critically thats just hating, lets just enjoy things lets do some escapism stop being a downer, lets not think im too tired to do that, i want it easy lets have that dripfed content curated for my fun, let people enjoy things, feed me the slop ill gurgle it all, lets think less im here to have fun and fun is when im not engaged at all, its just my taste, its all tasteless im gonna ignore it im gonna translate it into the easiest tropes and trends i can handle and repeat again and again and im gonna enjoy things
#sometimes u need to engage with things without your lenses of what fun should be#its good for you ok sometimes you find other ways to be engaged and have fun even#and sometimes u just develop ur brain machine a bit more and its good ok#u gotta step out of that comfort zone ok just one step ok just a little bit lets try put our nogging to work ok lets not go into a thing fo#shipping for a moment ok lets try looking at what the story is giving us and now what i want for my entertainment in it#once you do that a little bit you can go back to the mindless fun too just lets do a little bit of both ok
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i like ms paint but i like mspaint-esque pressureless brushes more.
exclusive never before seen art process snapshot under cut.
this is what it actually looks like in the canvas. it was a warmup for a larger thing and took way too long so my frustration is justified i think
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#dirk strider#jake english#dirkjake#decapitation cw#gddddiiii ialways forgett that one. fuck#admin draws#fanart#anywways uhh tags! context!#first one is post tussle. because i am living vicariously through them#i too want to laugh with a friend and have that soothe the sting from the scrapes and aggrevate the bruised ribs#second one. heat map. pieces of you that you left behind#its something ive been thinking about a lot lately as a framing for trauma. a part of you thats still back there.#the way these two step on each others toes in a more general way too. neither means to. it still happens#i saw art a while ago that speculates on dirk being reminded of the disappearifier whenevr jake is on his shoulders and that stuck with me#im in such a mood with these two again sorry. this is what joining a discord 4 the alpha kids does to your brain#drinking sparkling water straight out of a liter bottle and jamming out to verka serduchka rn what can u do.#guess what im drawing. smile :)
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How much longer 'til the snake breaks free? How much longer 'til your great days cease? How much longer 'til your strength takes leave? You rely on wit, and people die on it, whoa
#sidestep#ortega#chen#anathema#fhr#pulp draws#really rough and shitty animatic because i made this in 3 hours with the worst editing program known to man BUT TO THE TWO (2) EPIC THE-#MUSICAL FHR ENJOYERS IN THE CHAT. DO YOU SEE THE VISION OR AM I INSANE. BE HONEST#i literally cannot stop thinking about ortega as odysseus but like#Only ortega as odysseus#i can Not imagine any other fhr character as the cast#maybe chen as eurylochus but even then their ideals diverge a lot#making this animatic made me realize its never elaborated in text How chen tried to kill himself during hb#which means reality is whatever i want (unless theres a patreon post about it)#so to me sui step and chen are blow your brains out buddies <3#me: im gonna try to get this done quick so ill make sure not to focus on making it look good#me immediately: if i dont draw anathemas hand right im starting heartbreak 2.0#I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO DRAW THE ENTIRETY OF SIDESTEPS MASK IN THE LAST PANEL#FUCK#IGNORE THAT
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Thinking about Toji x Reader... Age difference... You're rich, family money, old money. He's a mechanic that drinks almost every night at the same bar--and he's never seen you there before. You're sitting on a stool with a peeling cushion, making small talk with the bartender when he walks in. He does his best not to look at you--he knows better, he doesn't want any more messy giggly college girls hanging off him. He's got a middle schooler to worry about every other week and a trailer that isn't in any state to see someone with jewelry as shiny as yours. Color him surprised when the bartender slides him a whiskey, top shelf with a single ice cube. The bartender points at you, and you wave. wink. He licks his lips. Huh. When he's protesting later, your hand teasing the button of his jeans, nails scraping the thick muscle of his sides as you suck on his neck, you laugh. You can get a hotel, don't worry. And you can schedule an uber to bring him back to his truck in the morning. You just wanna sit on it, it's big isn't it? Doesn't he want you? And... well. He's not gonna say no to that.
#toji x reader#idk i think toji would fall into this fucked up sugar baby situation easily.#hes the sugar baby if thats not clear#he drives a green ford ranger and its so dirty bc megumi is constantly spilling shit in it#i think you get him to leave megumi with his buddy from the shop if you send him the ubers ETA (picking him up) and pic of you in lingerie#he protests but then you send him $100 bucks with the comment 'for my step son' and he instantly gets hard#i think reader here is horrible btw like she ruins tojis life#you make him have his location on constantly#if he's at his exes house you blow up his phone#you parade him around campus like a dog#you take him to a fancy dinner with your dad and your dads associates and make him sit there while they talk and then he has sit through#the embarrassment of admitting he dropped out of highschool and never got a GED in a room full of multi-millionaires. it doesnt help that#you make a patronizing comment about how he has better assets than his brain#megumi would hate reader#my writing
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something something dead boy detectives being a narrative that emphasizes kindness and solidarity between victims of cruelty and how it is the balm that prevents us from living in a hell of our own creation or inflicting torment on others in turn
#sorry ran out of brain power after my last post#but yeah. nice :)#also nice that the characters being angry and hurt and scared is treated as a necessary step to them finding solidarity#instead of something they need to 'get better' from right away necessarily#the healing comes from seeing your own hurt reflected. not from never expressing it. quite the opposite in fact.#storyrambles#dead boy detectives#random thoughts
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OH YEAH NO THATS GONNA HAUNT ME FOR AGES. MIKKSY SAYING PLAYBOYS AS HE PHONES INTO A FINNISH RADIO STATION COMPLETELY FUCKING PISSED
the whole exchange is so good (x)
#niko mikkola#florida panthers#if youll excuse me that audio is going to haunt me till the end of time#“has lunka been calling in?” he says like a big brother checking to see if his little brother is doing well in school#finns: unhinged edition#calling in while drunk...2 days in a row#“hey so sasha people are saying youre diligent and that youll start training for the fall early”#sasha with absolute no hesitation “one can get their steps in walking around tampere with the cup right?”#hes always been delightfully witty but with the air of “i just won a cup” it becomes so much hotter#so dumb the way my brain stuttered over mikksy saying miami#unfortunately i am just a boy with an embarrassing crush please dont look at me#niko “we have a week to reflect and enjoy what we did [win the cup] and enjoy this” mikkola#aleksander “*turning to lundy* will you have time to think about it” barkov#anton “no i wont” lundell#sasha loves putting lundy in his place any chance he gets#theyre all like cats poking their heads out the door and fighting over who gets to peak first MY TURN NO MY TURNNNN MY TURN ON SPEAKERPHONE#amazing no notes truly
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Wtf I am actually posting my art, even though I'm very self conscious about it? And I'm drawing people? (ew). What has rote done to me?(/derogatory(/affectionate))
Anyway, here's one of my favorite scenes, from Assassin's Quest, where Fitz, the Fool, and Nighteyes have a spontaneous water fight in a creek. I added a frog because who doesn't love frogs?
This scene just holds so much joy in a series that is markedly dark and grim. The relationship that we see on page of the Fool and Fitz is forged by suffering and hardship, but I find so much joy in thinking of all the ways that happy, goofy moments like this could also shape that relationship.
I just think our kids should be allowed to get a little bit silly. Is that really too much to ask?
#Posting art#aka the mortifying ordeal of being perceived#Rote will really change your brain chemistry#(Im making art for a ZINE?!?! Like some kind of fanatic?#My therapist would be so proud of me for stepping out of my comfort zone#This one's for you Jennifer#rote#I am full psycho#my jaw is unhinged#fitzchivalry farseer#the fool#nighteyes#Assassin's Quest#Rote#rote fanart
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC.
Sebastian has been searching for himself ever since he has freed himself from the shackles of Arasaka. Stripped from his identity and only just now rediscovering his own agency in life, he struggles with seeing his own worth— too used to existing solely for a purpose, and too used to relying on others' perception of him to define this purpose in the first place. He wants nothing more than to get back to himself; if there even is a self to get back to at all. SEBASTIAN VIDAL || BELONGS TO @MOJAVES.
mahmoud darwish, i didn't apologize to the well // 'out of control', by ruslan isinev // salt in the wound; boygenius // vardges petrosyan, a shirt made of fire // by liam wong // this is love; air traffic controller // bilal al-shams, sacrifice // 'the dying gladiator', by pierre julien // flesh and bone; black math // by hel7l7 // romance; fontaines d.c. // 'the invisible man smokes', rick castro // little words; the happy fits // georges bataille, the dead man // by matthew grant anson // deep water; american authors // kay redfield jamison, an unquiet mind: a memoir of moods and madness
#cp2077#art for others#nuclearedits#favorite blorbo of someone else's brain of all time everyone get the fuck out of the way i have things to do#there's so many other ways this webweave could've gone but i decided to really zoom in on seb's perspective on himself#like obviously it's pretty blatant how arasaka strips test subjects of their identity and like#alienation from oneself through installation of cybernetics and implants forced by megacorporations is always so interesting to me#because if it's not a choice you make but a choice made for you then it makes sense that you can look in the mirror#and just not recognize the person staring back at you#and with the serpent projects there's the added layer of. well essentially mind control. same with the apex program#except here it's through that controlled state of being. arasaka mode. and that plays a huge part in seb's life as well#he believes it dictates everything he does and he defines himself by that alone... believing himself to be a bad person#when there's nothing he can do about any of it and it's not even his fault!!! but like#when all your life choices have been made for you and you finally break free of that but you have nothing of yourself left#then it's really difficult to see your own self-worth when you've been led to believe you only earn that through your purpose#and seb stepped away from what others decided was his purpose. leaving him with nothing#which is why he thinks so low of himself. anyway this isn't my guy but i'm just analyzing him i'm studying him#i'm gonna get a good grade at seb
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I feel like I'm going insane. That episode read to me as a lot more tragic than other people are reading it. Yeah they were racist and rich and spoiled and awful but they were just kids. They were all just kids. Lindy was absolutely terrified throughout the whole thing and clinging desperately to what she knew, which was terrible. They could've had the chance to learn and become better but they chose to go die and it's infuriating and tragic because nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be eaten by slugs or die of exposure in the woods. Nobody deserves to suffer like that. But they chose it rather than let the Doctor help them because they'd rather stay in their rich white supremacist bubble and he just wants to help and there's nothing he can do.
Maybe it's because one of my core beliefs is that nobody deserves death and suffering. Nobody. Even the worst person on earth can learn from their mistakes and come back and change and everyone deserves that chance. There's no such thing as too late. But they're never going to get that chance because they actively rejected it and to me that's still very, very sad.
#dead men do tell tales#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#dot and bubble#I am losing my mind. I am actually losing my mind#maybe it's because my brain is always telling me that I'm the worst person alive#instead of just saying that no I'm not my response is to say yeah okay and even the worst person alive doesn't deserve to die and can chang#what matters is that I'm taking the next step. and anyone can choose at any point to take the next step#and they actively rejected doing that and it's sad and infuriating#because nobody deserves to die#but they get what they chose#there's also the fact that I was raised by racist trump supporters and had to unlearn a lot of shit#which I was only able to do because I got out of my small town cult bubble and I was actually willing to listen to people#the problem comes when you see assholes and go wow look at those horrible unsympathetic assholes I could never be like them#by treating them as solely monstrous and something completely different from you you ignore your own ability to be monstrous#because you're not like them you're better#even the worst person is still a person and not some cartoon villain#and thinks that their actions are justified#and I'm always looking at people being assholes and going what makes you think this behavior is okay. you clearly think you're in the right#seriously what makes you think this. I want to know your exact thought process so I can stay far the hell away from it#I've been the asshole thinking I was completely in the right and I've seen people be absolutely horrible and justify it to themselves#so I'm always aware that this could be me. I could be being a total fucking dick. so I'm going to study you so I can avoid that#also the next person who says it was because they didn't learn empathy/were unempathetic gets slapped
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i need you to know that your jonah magnus art has changed me on a fundamental level. i come back to your blog every now and then and search "jonah" and i simply Look at the most evil trans man to exist
😅 aahhhah
#i renamed his tags to just jonah to avoid tma fans#i think i art i did at the time was good#but i think it was my brain’s last hurrah in terms of ‘dedication to a piece of media’#and it was an extremely Big hurrah. and i am tired and i am ashamed#and based on what ive seen crop up on my feed my effects still echo in tma LMAO#i dont know what took over me but ive Actively taken steps to never get invested in anything that deeply again#dear lord it was so bad i couldnt even sleep more than 5 hours. and i woke up tense#anyway. obsession… (hyperfixation?) is like a sugar high#and since tma ive been riding out my sugar crash IM SO TIRED#SORRY TO GO ON A TANGENT ANON i know youre just being nice#thank u for liking my art at least#shioshpam
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100% believe you should work with the author of tftg to put out a graphic novel
Bdjskdhjsjd I wish.
A good handful of people on paingravy have said the same thing. Id love to do something like "officially sanctioned by Jack" if gotten the chance to cuz like I do enjoy his work quite a bit and this weird spooky universe specifically (wow who could have guessed). Alas I am also extremely like in my own lane and bad at putting myself put there and actually quite socially awkward.
But I'd still love to do that if the opportunity arose.
#clock and her never ending 'man i shouldent bother them they are probs really busy dont get in their way‘ mindset#like in reality im sure hes very chill he seems like just as nerdy as the rest of the poeple on the internet#yes iv watched some of the snakes paw#still my brain is soup and my social anxiety is a roadblock#clock rambles#bruh last time when he saw my art i was in college still and needed to step out for 20 min#like i was in the hallway wondering if it was real#and those were like paper sketches back in like 2018#iv improved so damn much and im still like ehhhhhhhh dont bother them guh your weird#tftgs#sure- idk if people will see this
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currently remembering THAT saejima scene at morning glory.....why did they make him do that
#yakuza#extremely out of character......for both him AND kiryu#youre telling me kiryu watched that happen and just let haruka be scared and alone and slightly traumatized???#he wouldve absolutely stepped in and at least tore saejima away#not to mention SAEJIMA WOULD NOT DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE#when i saw it i thought it was the trope of oops he fell cause he's still recovering that's awkward but its an accident-#then you tell me it was ON PURPOSE?? TO A CHILD WE LOVE AND ADORE BY THIS POINT? YOU WROTE THAT ON PURPOSE?#that scene makes my blood boil#i kinda just threw it out of my brain cause it felt so weird and out of place#kiryu would NEVER saejima would NEVER#how dare you make my king kiryu excuse someone assaulting his middle school age daughter#and how dare you make saejima do that#assault mention#like nothing HAPPENS but why do they make her feel unsafe..........hell I felt unsafe watching it wtf
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Lamb and Narinder references and height chart
#will I be able to stick to this design? who knows!#sometimes you just kinda forget how to draw a character ramdomly#and you need to map out the process all over again#I think having a step by step formula in your brain is good to keep it consistent#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl the one who waits#starry eyed (art tag)
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part 11/26ish
anyone remember those scales with the springs in 'em? all i ever see these days are digital scales but those things made the best noises. i think i've seen some kitchen scales that still use spring mechanisms, but it's been a while.
technology is weird.
from the beginning
#otherkin hrt#fictionkin hrt#fictionkin#otherkin#digihrt#dg arts#-apomon#updates might slow down from daily since our brain ceased letting us do art about halfway through bfsdhjfbjshdbfs#oh well#i'm thinking of doing another fake in-universe pamphlet for a bonus though#specifically like talking about the “weight” stat#fun fact: we'd never stepped on a scale in almost a decade before finally seeing a doctor for the first time in that 10 years last year#we used to obsess over our weight in a way inherited from our mom's diet culture BS and then like#i'm pretty sure we split someone in the system who just managed to not give a shit#and everyone else that did basically got put in time out or fragmented to hell (we still don't know)#i think about this post i saw a while ago that talked about how like#weight (specifically as it is medicalized) shouldn't be a concern so much as if you're moving your joints and stretching them enough#and it should really only be a concern when it drastically changes in a short period of time because it can sometimes be indicative of#your body flipping its lid#the post talked about rapid weight loss specifically and how a lot of doctors will go “oh wow weight loss!! yay :)” when like.#no??? not yay???#anyways some medications can cause weight fluctuations too#our fibro medication can cause weight gain and tbh i don't give so much of a shit about that as i am curious about the mechanics behind it#our relationship to weight is mostly informed by being the one person in our family who never had to deal with fatphobia targeting them#but just because we weren't the target didn't mean it didn't affect us when our mom's whole life shifted around WW#i didn't want to delve into that in this comic tbh so aside from the little bonus pamphlet this is the last time it's brought up#but like a comic where we take a version of ourself through this kind of transition would inevitably have to touch on relationships to food#we're just lucky we finally found out that we can actually like... enjoy food without it hurting us?#part of the wish fulfillment of this scenario would (and is) the idea of getting to enjoy food without bodily discomfort#because on top of us almost developing an ED we also just have a garbage stomach
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