#step 5 do as little exercises by myself as i possibly can

[4arconinoma]

i legitimately speedrun studying for every single test i have every single time

[becomingthatgirl111]

guide to get organized and create habits in your life

maybe you think that with your current pace of life, all those things you have to do in the day, it is impossible to create a healthier lifestyle, that's only for people who have money or a lot of free time and it is not so, the key is in the organization and planning of your days, but more importantly: that you really want to level up.

steps to start.

eliminate your beliefs, "it's not possible", "it's not a realistic lifestyle", "it's not possible", or "it's not a realistic lifestyle". if you really want to improve there are no excuses, the only limits are created by you.

what are your goals? what do you want to achieve with all this? the most important thing is to have a healthy lifestyle, but besides that, it may bring you closer to future goals or become your best version to achieve what you want, whatever it is, with bad habits you can not succeed.

plan your days and get organized, you don't need much for this, you can get a weekly planner or write the night before in a to-do list what you have to do the next day, create a routine from that, incorporate into your days those new habits, you always have 30 minutes or 1 hour for exercise, for example, everything is a matter of organizing yourself, but remove the thought of "i don't have time".

create your own lifestyle, you can be inspired by what you see in social media but may not fit you or what you want to achieve, it is easier than it seems, you just have to be clear about what you would like and from there start with new habits or activities, just think: what would make the best version of myself?

start now, do not wait for tomorrow, start organizing how your day will be tomorrow, what things would you like to try, start with 5 minutes of yoga? read that book that you have postponed for a long time? do it and little by little create a routine. for example, you can start by going for a walk for 30 minutes 3 days a week, reading a book at least 15 minutes before bedtime, changing the convenience food for a healthier option and so with everything.

and enjoy the process, not the result, the important thing is to be happy with our life and lead a healthy pace, not the result we want to get, that will come but meanwhile, it is important to enjoy the small improvements that we are incorporating in our day to day.

small habits that you should incorporate into your new lifestyle.

drink plenty of water during the day

create good sleep schedules (you don't have to get up early, but get enough sleep to have energy the next day)

replace junk food for healthier options.

do any kind of exercise every day.

read things that nourish your mind.

limited time on social media, only consume that which is positive.

stop talking bad about others and yourself.

be aware of your health and self-worth.

meditate before waking up and before sleeping.

write a diary or keep a record of your days, so you can also motivate yourself and see your progress.

whatever makes you happy and is beneficial to you.

having a healthy lifestyle always has to be beneficial for you, you don't have to follow to the letter other people's routines or my recommendations, you don't have to force yourself to do things you don't like, just find what you enjoy and it will benefit you in the future, but always focus on you and what is best for you 🤍

[nowoyas]

Koi no Yokan 5: find reasons to say yes (Nishinoya Yuu x Reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

Summary: The Karasuno High School volleyball club works towards finals. You spend this time deciding how you feel about your new clubmates.

Warnings: blanket series warnings (general background family stuff)

Word count: ~4000

Yachi yelps whenever you address her unexpectedly. And she's never expecting it, so she always yelps. It's cute in a skittish, scared-bunny sort of way.

This particular instance makes you laugh. "Did I do something to make you scared of me, or…?"

"N-no! What did you, um—what did you need?"

It's the first day that Hinata and Kageyama haven't come for Yachi since you got roped into this manager thing. Variously they have and haven't dragged you into studying, too, depending on the day. You guess Yachi's just more approachable, maybe, or maybe it's that Hinata is more drawn to someone who can match his energy. On the other hand, Kageyama seems to just be along for the ride more than anything, which you get. You gel with him a little better, at least. Yachi, though, you really do want to get to know, so you let your short-sightedness drag you into starting a conversation you haven't fully prepared for.

You toy with your hair idly. You're really not sure how to approach this. When was the last time you even tried? "Did you have a good weekend? I mean, I know we saw each other yesterday, but—you know. Did you?"

She visibly relaxes. You'd like to think your own pervasive awkwardness is putting her at ease. "Mm! Hinata and Kageyama-kun came over to study after practice."

"Oh, good! How're they coming along?"

"They're nervous, I think, but they've been working really hard!"

"Really? That's great!" Uh, fuck—you scramble for something else to say. "Nishinoya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai are working hard, too. I went to Nishinoya-senpai's to help them out Saturday, too."

"A-aren't they kinda scary?"

You wave a dismissive hand. "Not at all. They're kinda goofy, honestly."

"I think everyone's a little scary, still…" she sighs. "It's hard not to, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that. But trust me, they're just excitable." Okay, okay. That's good. You're getting somewhere. "Any ideas on the whole manager thing?"

She brightens, flashes a smile. "Yeah, actually! I talked to Hinata a little before he left and I think I've settled on my answer."

"That sounds like good news! Let's hear it."

"Well… two things, really. I borrowed Hinata and Kageyama-kun yesterday for this, but… I'm gonna join. I've been actually working on maybe making some donation posters? I, um, overheard Sensei talking to the coach the other day and it sounds like the club is kinda hurting for money so we can get buses and stuff…"

Shit. She's so much more put together than you are. You're gonna have to step it up if it's gonna matter that you're here at all. "Woah. That's really cool that you're doing that!" You hope your voice doesn't come out too strained.

"What about you, [surname]-chan?"

A nervous laugh. "Well, I haven't thought of doing anything cool to help the team yet, but I am starting to think maybe this whole exam deal was just a pretense to convince us to get on board. Nishinoya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai got me on Saturday, too."

"Wait, that's great! We'll be managing together, then. With Shimizu-senpai, too, of course!" Another sweet little smile.

You are somewhere between "protect this girl with your life" and "do everything possible to make sure this girl does not outshine you".

…this might be what it's like to have a sister.

"Yeah! I haven't given my application to Shimizu-senpai yet. You?"

"Nope! Honestly, I was a bit nervous to go looking for her by myself… there's no practice until after exams now, right?"

"Right. Pretty sure that's having the opposite effect, if these boys are anything to go by. I think Hinata might explode if he doesn't get enough exercise."

She laughs. "Yeah, I sort of get that impression. Do you wanna come with me to track down Shimizu-senpai so we can turn in our applications while we've got time?"

You agree easily enough, and so the two of you make your way to the first floor, where the third years have their classes. Admittedly, you have no idea where to begin looking for Shimizu beyond that. It takes most of the rest of lunch to find her, eventually spotting her in a random classroom. Really, it's the other volleyball club members you notice--the third years apparently eat lunches together from time to time, if not all the time. Asahi is much easier to spot than Shimizu is when you're skimming a room for any sight of her.

It's Sugawara that spots the two of you peeking into the room. He smiles at Shimizu, nods to the two of you. She's quick to greet you both at the classroom door.

"[name]-chan, Hitoka-chan! Did you need something?"

"Sorry to bother you, Senpai." You smile, dial up the charm. "We both wanted to talk to you about the volleyball club?"

"Oh?" Her eyes slide between you and Yachi with interest. "What is it?"

You nod to Yachi. She holds out her club application in two shaking hands. You hold out your own, a touch more casually. Not that it's hard to come off as casual standing next to Yachi. "W-we both decided to join, if that's alright!"

"Really!? That's great!" She takes both from you, eyes lighting up.

Man. No wonder Nishinoya and Tanaka are obsessed with her. She's got this like, gentle smile and shit.

"I'll get everything handled with the membership committee. Since there's no practice until after exams, that gives us more than enough time to get your jackets ordered. You included your jacket sizes in the applications, right?"

"Y-yes!" Yachi says.

You pat her shoulder reassuringly. "Breathe, Yachi-san."

"B-but we're on the third year's floor," she whispers back. "What if we're not supposed to be here?"

"It's fine. Whatever big scary thing happens, I got you."

"O-okay..."

"Thank you both so much. I'll get everything handled, you two just focus on exams, alright? You've both been helping the others study, too, right? How's that going?"

You share twin smiles with Yachi. "Good!" she chirps. "We both helped them over the weekend. [surname]-chan says that Nishinoya-san and Tanaka-san are doing well, and Hinata and Kageyama-kun were working really hard when I was with them."

"That's good. Those four are an important part of the team, so it'll be difficult if they don't get to come to the away games. Speaking of—if you both come find me after school today, we'll need to get you both to bring in permission slips for that."

Oh.

You're so fucked.

~

Okay, cool, fine, no big deal. You have a blank permission slip and a father who's never home to sign it. This is doable. This is a clear issue, and a clear issue is something that can be solved.

You walk home separately of Yachi—after you'd offered to help put up the posters when they're ready, she ran into friends and you don't want to intrude, so you take your blank permission slip and meander out of the school. You guess you'll scratch out some time to study, to freeze some meals, to… something.

Fuck. You really wish practices weren't on hold for exams.

It's not long after you've made your way out of the gate that that swoopy feeling of your feet no longer touching the ground hits you. You shriek at the arms around your waist, wriggle in the hold of your captor—

—your captor, who sets you down with his trademark blinding grin. "Hi," Nishinoya says. "That was a good noise!"

You steady yourself, hand (and now-crumpled permission slip) held to your chest. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I missed you today! It's weird not having practice."

"So you scare the shit out of me!?"

He laughs. "Sorry, sorry."

"You never really sound sorry when you apologize to me," you grumble.

"To be fair, I did call your name when I saw you. You're the one with your head in the clouds. What're you up to? Any plans with all your newfound free time?"

"Cooking dinner. I have food on the slow cooker I need to get to. And then I'm going to study. You know, that thing we're supposed to be doing with all the extra time from not being allowed to do clubs for a week?"

"Hm, that sounds like something schools made up or something. Boring."

"Uh-huh. You know, I'm not gonna marry you if you fail all your exams."

"But you will if I pass at least one?"

"Are you gonna pass any? Believing that studying is a thing people do isn't even step one. It's like, step zero."

"Study with me, then."

He flashes that charming little smile, and you shove him away. "I can't come over. The last thing I need is to burn my house down because I left dinner on the slow cooker too long and it like, blew up or something."¹¹

"So let me come over. We'll study together, I'll be good and quiet and not interrupt your precious brain training time…"

You sigh. "I'm not exactly prepared to entertain guests."

"You don't have to entertain me!"

"The house is a mess."

"So's my bedroom. You live there, what's the problem with it looking like you live there?"

He keeps easy pace beside you as you walk. "It's rude! You're not supposed to show guests a messy home when they come over."

"But you weren't expecting me. So it's not like it's your fault."

"Why are you so set on coming over to my house, anyway?"

"Curiosity. What's wrong with that?"

"I literally don't even have snacks to give you."

Without another word, he grabs your shoulder and steers you off to the side—straight to Sakanoshita. "I'm so glad you brought that up! I can treat you!"

"I think you're fundamentally misunderstanding the role a host and a guest are supposed to play."

"I'm being a friend. Friends buy each other stuff sometimes. Lemme buy you snacks. I'm horrible at remembering to do breaks and then once I actually take one I end up done for the night."

You stop in your tracks, don't let him drag you inside. "What are you doing right now?"

"Hm?" He tilts his head. "Getting rid of your reasons to say no. Why?"

…oh. That's almost sweet.

"…if you're going to insist on this, I can solve the reason for saying 'no' to going over to your house. Let's find a reason to say yes to that instead…?"

He seems to sense your discomfort, the way it seeps into your shoulders but refuses to reach your voice. There's a moment where he just looks at you, blinking, that sort of blank look that a puppy gets before it does the stupidest thing you've ever seen in your life. "Oh! That's easy. Because you want to."

You raise an eyebrow. "Do I?"

"Don't you? We're celebrating since you're joining the team! And you said before that I didn't know enough about you to be in love with you. So I need to get to know you, right? And you should get to know me. There's a yes for letting me buy snacks for you, and a yes for hanging out with me."

"If my end goal were to marry you, maybe."

He pulls you inside, not missing a beat. "I'm not giving up, so it'd be a good idea to start adjusting to the idea now."

You roll your eyes. Smile and wave to Coach Ukai, who's got one foot up on the counter, lit cigarette in hand as you enter. He nods back, raising an eyebrow at the pair of you. "Good day at school, you two?"

"He has too much energy. Please tell the school that their decision to suspend club activities during exam week is going to kill me, personally, Coach," you deadpan. Nishinoya doesn't miss a beat, dragging you towards one of the aisles.

"I'll see what I can do."

Over chips, Nishinoya talks a mile a minute and too loudly, picking up too many bags of chips as he does. "Pick something. I'm buying. What's your solution to not burning your house down?"

"I'm just going to run by my place and make sure nothing is going to burn before coming over."

"I could walk with you?"

"No," you reply, too quickly. You wince a little, try to recover. "I mean, you're grabbing a lot of snacks to carry, and I'll be quick, so…"

He watches you carefully a moment, but simply adds another snack bag of chips to his armful instead of commenting on it.

"And put some of those chips away. We're getting snacks, my dinner is already mostly done and I'm sure your family has food planned."

He pouts. He's gathered a whole armful of chip bags. "You haven't even picked out yours, yet."

"I'm not picking any if you don't put those back and get a reasonable amount of chips."

"Fiiine."

He puts back most of the bags of chips, and you straighten up the display while you mull over two flavors. Once you've settled, you grab one bag.

"Great! You wanna go grab drinks? My hands are a little full."

"Sure, sure, what do you want?"

He tells you what to grab, and you meander off. As he pays, you say: "You know I'm not gonna let you buy things for me all the time, right?"

"Tell me not to, and I won't," he replies, not missing a beat.

You say nothing. On your way out the door, you dip your head to Coach Ukai and let Nishinoya drag you along for what's sure to be a very productive study session.

~

You do actually end up studying. It takes you only a little work to corral Nishinoya into focusing. He sits across from you in his living room, focusing hard on his flashcards with this really intense look. It's laughably easy to tell how well his study session is going; every now and then, you'll notice him grimace in annoyance after flipping a card, or else brighten up a little.

For your part, you work through practice problems diligently, only glancing up every now  and then to observe your upperclassman and make sure he's still working.

It's peaceful. Nice. After a solid half an hour of quiet that you didn't know he was capable of, you stretch, ready to enforce a break, and are interrupted by something fluffy careening into your chest and borderline knocking you over. Aside from the force, it announces itself with the purriest meow you've ever heard, nearly lost—like before, you recall dimly—by your startled yelp.

Nishinoya catches the sight of you—now clutching a fluffy, bob-tailed calico to your chest as it presses its face into yours. "Oh, by the way. I have a cat," he says.

You ignore him entirely. "Oh my gosh, hi baby!"

"This is Soba.¹² She hates strangers, so I can only assume that the fact that she already loves you is a sign that you now have to marry me."

"Not if you don't ask me enough times, I don't—" Soba meows at you, snuggles into your pets with the sweetest little look on her face. Now that she's not scaring the shit out of you, you can properly look her over and zero in on her white-tipped paws. "—she has socks?"

He laughs softly, nodding. "She has socks."

"Amazing. The best cats have socks. Especially toe socks." You shoot him an amused look. "Didn't really take you for a cat guy, though."

"Does being a cat guy earn me bonus points?"

"It gives me an eternal yes to coming over." Soba wriggles out of your arms, only to curl up in your lap. "How are you not constantly covered in cat hair? She's so cuddly!"

"I'm careful and know what a lint roller is," he jokes. "Technically, she's my sister's, but… I mean, she likes me best, so…"

"I think I love her?"

"Marry me, then, and you get partial custody."

"Ask me nine hundred and eighty-four more times and give me unlimited cat access and I'll think about it."

"Deal."

"That aside, how's your studying coming along? I think I heard you swearing under your breath earlier."

He groans. "It's... it's coming along."

"What're you working on? Kanji drills?"

"Yeah... Trying to get everything hammered out before tomorrow. I need exams to be over already..."

"They'll end when they end. I'm so sorry, but you're just gonna have to stick them out. How's your brain doing? I think I smell smoke."

"Without exaggeration, I am going to explode if I do not do something with my body right now."

"See, but this is really unfortunate," you say. "I was gonna ask you to teach me a little volleyball in our break time, but I'm pretty sure moving this baby would be considered a war crime in seventy-three countries, so…"

"You want me to!?" He springs forward, flashcards forgotten. "Really!?"

"Well, your super cool libero skills would be helpful to have on deck so poor Yachi-san's head doesn't get taken off by a stray ball. Unfortunately, until this little cuddle bug leaves, that's not happening."

"…marry me, though?"

"Nine hundred eighty-three. Work hard until the next break and maybe the baby will—"

"Soba! Pspsps."

Soba perks up. Yawns. Crawls right off of you to sniff at Nishinoya's hand. He beams at you. "So, you want me to teach you to receive?"

You smile. Tighten the caps on your and his sodas as a cat prevention measure. "You sure it's a good idea to leave your snacks unattended with the baby around?"

"The baby can't open bag clips," he replies triumphantly, having produced one from seemingly nowhere and clipped both of your chip bags together.

You elect not to mention that any cat is going to have teeth strong enough to rip open the rest of the bag and let him pull you outside without another word.

~

So the rest of the study session is spent like that: long work session involving a purring cat on either your lap or his, fifteen minutes or so of him—badly—trying to explain receiving to you. It's clear he knows what he's doing and what he's talking about, but what isn't so clear is what the hell he means by things like you just gotta bump it like fwah, you know?. Still, you try your best, and breaks turn into passing the ball back and forth—him with ease, you frequently running to pick up a ball you dropped.

"Now you've got it!" Nishinoya cheers after you barely manage to not let the ball hit the ground on one of these sessions. "At this rate, you'll be playing libero for the girls' team before you know it!"

You snort. "Uh, yeah, hard pass."

"Why not? Volleyball's fun, you know."

"I'm sure it is. But A, I suck at it. And B, I'm sort of already in a club. I can't imagine I'd be a very effective player on the team if I'm instead going to all of your practices. And I'd definitely make a bad manager if I'm always going to their practices instead of yours."

"Fine, fine, I concede that it might be a little hard."

"Harder than I'm willing to bother with."

He laughs. You fail another few passes before the break is over, and then you're back inside, back to math and English and kanji and test-taking strategies.

"This is the last one, I think," you say as you settle back in at your seat. "I need to actually eat my dinner at some point, and it's getting late."

"Aw, you don't wanna stay for dinner?" He bats his eyelids at you playfully. You consider hitting him.

"My dinner is already ready, Nishinoya-senpai. No."

You fall back into studying, one last time. You're actually impressed with him—the regular breaks are definitely helping, and making sure they're active has smoothed out his jumpier edges. They were probably a bit more active than he expected, honestly—you're very bad at returning the ball, and he ended up having to dive for most of the ones you actually managed to get back in his general direction. But he's been working hard when he's back at the table, like he's taking this seriously seriously. It's refreshing.

It is with no small horror that you admit to yourself that you could actually get a crush on this guy if he were serious and you let yourself. Luckily, there's a solution to that, one you only have to do half the work for: he stays unserious about you (easy—he isn't serious and never will be) and you don't let yourself develop anything. You're great at not feeling emotions. It's like, your one big talent in life.

So when you bid him goodnight at his doorstep, you smile and wave. He waits in the doorway, reaches out to you before you go. "Wait. [name]-san."

"Mm?"

"For good luck—will you marry me?"

You laugh. Shake your head. "Give it your best, ask another nine hundred and eighty-two times, and I'll think about it, Senpai. But, just so you know, I've seen how hard you've been working, and I don't think you need the luck."

His smile is blinding when you turn to leave.

You turn down the street towards your house, smooth yourself out. The walk is brief, the house empty and quiet like always when you unlock the front door. In contrast to the warmth of his living room, it feels lonelier than ever.

You kick off your shoes, take your dinner to your own living room. Rifle around in your bag for your notebook and instead find a bag of chips—the flavor you'd set aside at the store earlier, deciding to only go with one bag and not burden Nishinoya—with a little note taped to it.

Good luck on your exams!

PS.; you can call me Noya-senpai. it's what my friends call me ;)

Fuck. You really could develop a crush if you're not careful. He's scribbled out his phone number on the note. Despite yourself, you smile and send him a text.

[name] to Noya at 19:48¹³

[name]: by the way, you format a post-script as just P.S. and then the rest of the message

[name]: two dots, no semicolon

Noya: you're welcome

[name]: ...thank you, Noya-senpai

There is a comparatively long pause of about three minutes. You watch his typing bubble pop up, disappear, then pop up again.

Noya: MARRY ME.

[name]: ...981.

Footnotes

11. Y'all are never going to believe this one, but about twenty minutes after I wrote this line, my neighbor's house burned down. Fully gutted. I got some pictures and literally heard it crashing in on itself. No one was hurt, thankfully, and it was not due to being too busy living a coming-of-age romance to keep the crock pot from bursting into flames, but that sure was a sequence of events.

12. Named courtesy of a poll on my tumblr. I choose to believe that people were voting for "grae button" (the results button so I alone could see the results) either to spite me or to force me to figure out an in-fic reason for why the Nishinoya family cat is named "Grae Button". Had there been a tie, I was simply going to add another cat.

13. Military time. Yes yes I'm American. As if it's my fault.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory

[organised-kitty]

Tag 20-28 | 18/100 hours | 28/08/23

So basically this week I barely studied German, I only did like 2 hours in the entire week and I felt like a total failure to be honest. After careful analysis I realised I needed to re organize my goals, my plan, my study techniques and my mindset so I can make this work out the best possible. At this moment I’m in a stage where I feel like nothing works to help me get back on track but I need to see this as a period of experimentation to help me push forward. So this is my take on how to deal with failure and slumps in progress. (Inspired by selfcare-journey)

⭐️ Identify what’s not working

Personally, what’s keeping me from doing my tasks is the fact that I’m always feeling tired and I have frequent migraines; I have been sleeping less than 6 hours a day because of university and yet I haven’t done as much progress because I’m so tired, I can’t focus and therefore I worked very slowly which left me feeling lazier, very frustrated and unmotivated.

⭐️ Prioritizing health and self care

I think we have all been consumed at some point by the idea of toxic productivity where the one who works the most and sleeps the least is the best one, but ultimately enjoying learning and having quality study time will only be possible if we’re physically and mentally sane.

I feel hesitant to redefine my work hours because I feel guilty when I think of studying less, I’m scared of not meeting deadlines, but I already know that this toxic cycle isn’t working for me so I have to accept that it’s okay if I can’t study 8 hours straight, if I need more breaks than other people and it’s okay if I work slow, if I don’t grasp things quickly, it’s okay to fall behind..because I’m in the process of rewiring how I study and taking my time is better than not doing anything and giving up.

⭐️ Managing energy levels

Along with my horrid sleeping schedule this energy slump is also the result of me not eating throughout the day and then having a huge unhealthy meals later in the day, and it’s really affecting my energy levels. So I need to start keeping hydrated, doing light exercise, eating healthier and more regular meals along with having better sleep hygiene because honestly I feel half dead. I also need to go to a medical check up to figure out what’s the cause of my migraines.

⭐️ Dealing with procrastination

I think lately I really struggle with a sense of discomfort when I study because lately I associate studying with failure and frustration. So I think breaking my task into smaller bits might make it less overwhelming. When I was in therapy I learnt a lot about how to deal with intrusive thoughts and emotions so I will put some of those techniques into practice. I also want to work on self compassion and embracing the idea that even a little progress is a step closer to my goal, I think celebrating those small wins can create a positive cycle of motivation.

⭐️ Improving focus

For this aspect I will go back to the ultra short Pomodoro method. (10-15 min with 2 min break) Force myself to work for a small period of time and give myself a tiny break. It’s a pretty basic technique but the idea of this is to experiment and see how well it works for me, identify for how long I can work until things start to become difficult. I think the best breaks are those that keep you away from your phone, because 5 minutes of social media is a recipe for disaster. So I will try to do things like grab some water, stretch a bit, breathing exercises, clean my bag, walk around the room a bit, doodling, have a snack, so that I keep active but refreshed. I think being in a productive environment like a library or a cafeteria could also help to keep focused.

⭐️ Enjoying learning

Now that I’m coming across more difficult content I tend to get unmotivated, so I think the best strategy is try seeing it like a game, where I don’t focus on the learning outcome but rather focus on the process of understanding, problem solving and overcoming new challenges, perhaps that will make the journey more rewarding.

Reminding one self of why I started and connecting the connecting the content to my interests and real world applications could be really useful in boosting my curiosity and motivation as well.

⭐️ Active learning

My study sessions have turned into something very passive, just doing exercises and checking flashcards has become very boring. I think I need to re-incorporate more active learning techniques like writing in a journal in my target language and talking to native friends more.

Additionally I think I need to readjust my schedule and re organize myself so I can include these changes, track them and check for feedback, but this post is already long enough so I will make a separate one.

[angelst4rv]

Day 15

Weight: 60.7kg

It’s day 1 of week 3, and halfway through my 30 skinny slays!! I’m almost at gw1 :) Due to some weakness, I will possibly be changing the way I do my workouts.

I have a few days off of work so I’m worried it’ll be harder to get my steps in especially since I’m literally so lazy right now. I’m not worried about food, getting those steps in tho!! But I will update

I’m feeling like shit because I’m really going through it right now. I just have no motivation to workout and to go for walks. I just feel so drained and depressed right now. I think I’m gonna take a break from forcing myself to exercise and see how it goes, I’ll still restrict and walk everywhere whenever I can but hopefully I don’t gain any weight or if I do it’s just a little meaning my body is adjusting and it goes back down. It’s scary doing this right when I’m so close to reaching my gw1 but we’ll see. I also wanna try to quit vaping since it is expensive and I don’t wanna be reliant on it but the first day I couldn’t smoke because I was buying a new one the cravings really hit. But I need to be brave. This is a journey and there’s ups and downs. So as long as I don’t give up I should be fine!!

Meals

- Breakfast: two rice cakes (70 cals) with peanut butter (90 cals) and cold brew (0 cals) - 160 cals

- Dinner: 5 piece chicken nuggets (270 cals) and two rice cakes with cream cheese, turkey, and honey (200 cals) - 470 cals

- Snack 1: diet coke - 0 cals

2 large waters: ✔︎

Total cals: a million. I binged 😀👍

[acornhatsandcats]

Hey my name is Kaiden. I’ll share a little about my story, and why I’ve made this.

I’ve been out for 8 years now, and on the waiting list for 5 on the NHS. Due to cuts, COVID, ever increasing living costs, laws, and already a very long wait time increasing by 3+ years than it was with no signs of anyone in the year I signed up being seen anytime soon, it’s come to a point where I must take the next step as soon as possible. I’ve tried and tried again to save for it, but, the reason I’m on the NHS in the first place is because I can’t afford to save for this all on my own. My plans where to begin this month/next, but saving isn’t that simple.

This would change my entire life, and I simultaneously am saving up for top surgery and that takes a lot out of my budget as that’s the one that is a deal breaker as not having it prevents me from even getting dressed or going outside or wanting to be seen by people at this point due to dysphoria it’s gotten so severe, especially since I stopped being able to bind a few years ago, due to over binding for 4 years with cheap binders, random items to chest flatten, and I can’t exercise as well anymore so I feel like I never pass to a degree I’m okay with. When I could bind and exercise more, I felt amazing, I felt like I was living life, I did so much during that time and since then I’ve been miserable most of the time and isolated myself so much I have seen maybe 2 friends in a year. I feel awful being seen.

I’ve resorted to using T in circumstances which are self medicated numerous times in unofficial ways, and I don’t want to do that anymore as it’s so risky. I want a safe transition, I want a secure transition. I am not a medical professional no matter how much I research how much T to take. I just want the security of that and no longer have to play by eye, run out, start again, wonder if I’m doing it wrong, and play around with my health and experience my hormones destabilising when I can’t get anymore T whereas on prescription that won’t happen (so much, I know some people withheld it in the pandemic but that’s not usually what happens).

I’m 25 now and wanted to start at 18, technically before then, but 18 was when I could try. I signed up at 20 finally. Doctors so far have been ultimately terrible with listening, and only in the last 3 months have referred to me as my gender after 5 years of knowing otherwise.

My mental health has rapidly deteriorated over the years due to living like this as I’ve touched on previously in the post, and I want to move onto the next step. Finally. I hate asking for this, but I’m at a loss of probably nothing happening for years to come and I can’t wait anymore, I really can’t. 5 years on a waiting list for your first appointment for anything is no joke.

I would not ask if I wasn’t desperate, if there’s anything I can do in return I will try my best.

[mithliya]

Sometimes I wish there were concludent psychology info on the Internet, not good information buried under a ton of shit. It would be so useful for everyone in the world, actually. And by everyone I mean women, weird men fuck off.

Like how can I cope with a depressive episode while having no therapy available?? Suppose I'll have to work it out by myself.

i know this sounds dumb but it has worked for me:

1. have a good sleep routine. your sleep can seriously impact your emotions and it can make or break your day. having a sleep routine is good as your body has a sleep cycle & it’ll help you sleep faster + better if you are consistent. avoid anything too stimulating when trying to sleep (like exciting tv shows) and do not have caffeine preferably after 1 pm (even if u don’t feel it much, it can impact sleep quality)

2. if something is too depressing and making you feel worse, minimise your consumption of it or time around it at this time. it’s better for you to try to find more uplifting & inspiring things.

3. things like meditation can actually help. ik it sounds like bullshit but there is actual evidence that meditative exercises, mindfulness, even yoga can all improve your mental state. it can help with anxiety as well as depression. you wont magically be healed and it often takes practice, but you might feel better.

4. this one sounds stupid to someone who hasn’t dealt with depression, but take better care of yourself. a lot of us will just lay in bed all day and do nothing and it’ll feed into the depressive episode. get out of bed, brush your teeth, wash your face, take a shower, maybe even clean a little bit around you. reward yourself when you take those little steps as well.

5. if you have loved ones that you can trust, utilise their presence in this time. being alone with your thoughts can really exacerbate depressive episodes. its good to have someone who can cheer you up and perhaps take your mind off of it or remind you of the joys in life. a good support system is crucial, especially for the times when you’re in crisis mode

6. overall just try to make your environment a better place. sometimes (not always) it’s our surroundings &/or habits making us depressed. even if it isn’t the root, having a better environment will at least make you feel somewhat better.

7. sports can actually help. it releases endorphins.

8. healthier eating habits also helps. too much junk food can harm & not eating enough can also affect your moods negatively

9. lastly, look into cognitive restructuring. for a lot of ppl dealing with chronic depression, there is an underlying negative mindset which keeps them trapped in a depressive cycle. its really difficult, but possible, to restructure your thinking on your own. this involves some extra work beyond the self-care stuff i mentioned because you often have to write your feelings down, analyse them, and think of a more positive way you could perceive the situation in the future. and you need to do this repeatedly until it becomes automatic & you gain this positive voice more automatically. just as a warning, when i first went thru this it felt somewhat annoying & invasive having this unfamiliar positive voice pop up but ultimately you do feel better.

idk if any of these are of any help but these are things that helped me at one point or another. they really make a difference.

[delicatecloudfire]

31 Dec - really didn't overeat or anything over the holidays at all, so that's good! Had some cookies, 2 slices of pie over the course of a week, and maybe 3 pieces of chocolate? No alcohol except maybe 1/3 glass of wine (it was gross). I did several Pilates videos, and the stationary bike once. It was too cold to walk for the most part, though I did a 30 min walk/jog this Thursday when it was about 54 out which felt wonderful!! Perfect temperature for that. Very impressive step totals for the time at my parents' though.

I am using the Lose It app to track my food. I don't have much of an issue with eating too much or being hungry, but I do easily add 300 extra calories with evening snacks on the regular out of not much more than random cravings, and I want to stop that, and also be more aware of the times I will have a glass or two of wine and think little of it. I know that if I didn't do these small things I'd lose the five pounds I've been stuck on forever....

Most important from just five days of tracking, though, is how low my protein is! I knew I wasn't getting what I should but i am below even that!!! So this is my biggest goal. No wonder I've been stuck in terms of increasing my weights for dumbbells!

I do want to incorporate some barbell exercises this year, but I'm most interested in losing those five pounds of fat I'm so uncomfortable with, so I don't expect to advance much. Maybe if I achieve that goal I can add in extra calories for muscle building, but I don't trust myself to work out heavily enough during the winter months when it involves going to the gym, so there will be more at-home videos and basic dumbbells til spring.

Overall, I did not make the progress I wanted in terms of looks or muscles, BUT I can say honestly that there was hardly one week this year where I didn't work out at least twice, and I've kept the commitment of going to the gym and using weights more. My back is definitely stronger which is huge for me!! I feel more aware of my body for better and for worse.

Specific-y Winter 2023 goals:

Track calories/macros daily January through April.

Increase average daily protein intake to 75 grams (I'm averaging like 50 now) by February, then increase.

Pilates/yoga/balance-ortiented videos once a week, even if only 20 minutes. Must log here and link specific video/routine.

Exercise at least 4 a week (20 min minimum, preferably 40+)

Post Fitbit reading for every. day. Posting multiple days at once allowed, but can't go for more then five days without.

Go to all sessions of the barre class I signed up for. Starts second week of January.

Be able to do 3 30 s deadhangs in a row by March 15.

Incorporate 1 set of 7 lat pulldowns at 80 lbs every time starting in Feb.

Write out all workouts for posts here.

Equally important less-measurable winter 2023 goals:

Reduce belly/back fat -- pretty much the only places excess weight collects on me, though I also expect to possibly reduce my bra size slightly. I don't want to make a specific inches goal, but I think 5 lb is reasonable even if I gain a bit of muscle (which I don't really expect, being at a slight deficit, tho maybe the protein will help.)

Return to place where 15 lb dumbbells are very comfortable for me for basic curls etc., because how was it so much easier when I was 15 lb lighter and not now?! That's nothing! Vague I know, but I'll feel when.

Good luck everyone!

[davidmariottecomics]

Pacing Your Work, Pacing Yourself

Hi again! 

It should come as no surprise that my updates are based on the things I'm thinking about at the moment and, often, what I'm going through. Something I still struggle with a lot--despite helping other people manage it for themselves 5 days a week--is pacing.

I tend to be a burst writer. When I get into the right headspace, I write constantly. Last week, I knocked out four scripts of different lengths--one's probably going to see the light of day in 2023 and the others... who know? Since then, I've got I think 2 half-written WIPs (that I plan on getting back to this week) and the early brewings of something else. 

It feels really good to be so productive, even if the majority of it never does end up going anywhere. I had been having a real dry spell and now I feel out of my funk. I know it won't last, though. Burst writing for me is having alternating off-and-on periods where, times like now, I knock a ton of stuff out, and then probably in about a month, towards the end of this year/beginning of 2023, writing much of anything at all will feel like a major struggle. It'll be half-chore, half-insurmountable barrier that I have to overcome. Time will pass and I'll get back into writing and have another burst and another bust and so on and so forth. 

But knowing this about myself and paying a lot of attention to what has been working for me, I've actually maybe found a solution to my personal pacing issues in how I pace themselves. 

Your Story is as Long as it Needs to be 

One of the absolute hardest things to know before you start is how long your story is supposed to be. Granted, you're rarely starting totally blind. If, for example, you've been asked to pitch a comic to a company, they're usually giving you an idea of your limitations up front, be it page count, issue count, or a combination of the two. There're exceptions--particularly when you're coming in with an original project rather than being asked to pitch on an existing title--but if you aren't told a length up-front, that's a discussion that'll happen quickly. 

When you are asked to put a story together, you're outlining to that length. I find a lot of the best pitches I read pace to about a 1-2 paragraphs per issue for the overall synopsis and then between like 25 sentences and/or 5 paragraphs per issue breakdown. With the high level overall synopsis, keeping your explanations short focuses you on the major incidents that forward the plot beats. Using my own work as an example--the big beats for Wreckers: Tread & Circuits issue #1 were the Wreckers are broadcasting a stunt that gets interrupted by Mayhem and the Wreckers go to Velocitron to investigate. The next step, the issue breakdown, comes out to be about 1-2 sentences describing the overall action of each page and is something I often use when going to full script to create a basic pacing. 

And while those are hugely important skills to have when you're working for someone else, when you're doing work for yourself, what I've discovered is it can be a lot easier to not go in and impose a limitation on yourself for the story. To let it flow as it will and breathe and you'll know when it's done. I said earlier I wrote four scripts last week. The longest was 18 pages, I think, and the shortest was 1 page. Both are a full script, but with very different demands. What I haven't really done yet is go back and edit any of them. I think there might be a 20 page version of the 18 page one where I let a couple things breathe more. Or maybe it goes the other way and has a couple extraneous pages that I can cut. But by writing it out to what felt like the proper length in the first place, I have room to expand or contract to make it best version of the story possible, while not losing the story in trying to make it fit a certain page count. 

Why was the story 18 pages? It's part of an exercise I was trying to purely write an incident as a story. That is to say--it's a weird little one-shot with characters who've never been seen before and who'll never be seen again and it's only covering the information needed for this moment in their lives. One of the reasons that's helpful to me is by getting rid of the need for lore or a balance between a current incident and the set-up for the next (A/B/C plots), it focuses my writing and helps me get words on paper (or, rather, screen). And I do think there's something to covering the main incident first and then building up around it when you are writing with those other things in mind, because they are inherently meant to be secondary. It also lets me play with the pacing of the specific incident. How much action has to happen on a page? Letting a gag play out for as long as it needs to. Figuring out what the defining sub-incidents are and making sure those are hitting the page turns. Even looking at things like spaces where as a writer, I don't want to define the exact breakdown that much because I think a page will benefit from the artist taking the lead. 

It's Going to be Different for Everyone   Building off of that last point, I have a lot of experience with comics where for whatever reason, the artist is working at a different pace than the writer. Not just the ability to hit deadlines and how much work is being done at a time, though that's certainly true too, but the way in which an artist in drawing out a page might take their own liberties to adjust the pacing and flow of the action. Maybe they add an extra panel or two of fighting because it looks cool and they had a good idea. Maybe something slow and wordy is taking too long and it works better to info dump in a single panel, rather than breaking it up into two or three panels. These tend to be totally reasonable choices and part of working collaboratively. 

By the same token, audiences have different opinions of pacing. Some people are going to be a fan of your pacing. Some aren't. But that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong unless you aren't telling the story you're aiming to tell. I'll leave it at that for now, but I know as well as anyone else that certain people have very certain tastes for the length and format of their comics. 

Pacing Yourself

Would you believe that when you're enjoying your work, you're more productive and it's easier? Yeah. Crazy, right? But it's true. 

I said earlier I'm a burst writer. I knock out a bunch of stuff quickly and then kinda burn out for a bit before I can get back to it. Obviously, there are motivations that can help you get across the finishline--payment, external deadlines, people like me emailing you every day asking for updates--but when you're working without those, you have to pace yourself. I hope I'm not going to hit my bust soon. I hope I can take rethinking my personal pacing into consideration when I'm working on original projects because that seems to be more engaging for me than forcing my way through to a goal. And I hope some of this might be helpful to you too when you're figuring out what pace you can work at. 

[omsdoortodoor]

OMS Door to Door Challenge - departure date minus 5 weeks

Ian's fortnight

“Riding a bike is everything to a cyclist. The friendship and camaraderie you have with other cyclists…to a cyclist, it was the be-all and end-all of your life” Tommy Goodwin.

The third weekend in July saw a group of thirteen of us descend on New Alresford in the watercress area of Hampshire for a boys cycling weekend. This, apart from the covid year has turned into an annual event visiting a different town each year. It all started with my Stag weekend in Shrewsbury, eight years ago and we have since visited Cirencester, Marlborough, Salisbury, Ludlow  and now Alresford

I say cycling weekend but you could also call it a pub crawl or wine fest and not all of us cycle!  When we arrived six of us went out on the bikes for a ride of about twelve miles, after about three Andrew, Steve and I stopped at the first pub we came to.  We’d had an awful journey up the A303 and were in desperate need!

On the Saturday we headed off to Bishops Waltham where we had a coffee and cake stop before heading up the Meon Valley to the Ye Olde George Inn at East Meon for lunch. We then returned to Alresford cycling through some lovely countryside passing several watercress beds on the way. That evening we visited the local Italian restaurant before a last glass or two of wine at the hotel. A big thank you to all who attended, and I hope to continue the tradition next year. 

As a footnote, I was stood in the bar at The Swan Inn where we were staying when I heard, “That's Ian!”, only to turn round to be greeted by my nephew James and his partner Amy. I shouldn’t have been too surprised as they do live a stone’s throw away, and it was great to see them.

Jane's fortnight

For those who read my last blog, the answer to the question is:  Yes, I have done my foot exercises every day since my conversation with Sarah.

I now feel like the start of the Door to Door Cycle Challenge is within reach, I can feel it, I can almost touch it.  And with that comes the need to step up the final organisation.  On that front, there are lots of bits and bobs that need to be done.  And to be honest it was beginning to stress me, because I knew there were lots of little bits, but no list, no responsibility and worst of all no SPREADSHEET!

I kind of felt like this:

So last Wednesday, Ian and I reverted to our original Door To Door planning meeting.  And I feel much better organised for doing that, and for having a fresh spreadsheet.  All tasks are on a list, with whose responsibility it is and which week it will be completed in.  So, this week I have:

Had the iPad screen fixed that I (read Tarka) broke when we were away.  I will be using that a lot for uploading video on the challenge.

I have also checked to make sure I know all the details of my personal google account (rather that my old business one), so that I can upload to YouTube and other similar things without any hitch when we are one the road.  Boring by necessary.

Typed out a list with the kilometres per hour converted to miles per hour. (Because you just can’t read the km’s on the dashboard of the motorhome).  Also boring but safe and also probably necessary.

Next week I need to finalise the first aid kit and write an article for our Parish Magazine about the challenge.  I also need to give some thought to creating some themes for blogs and posts when we are on the Door to Door Challenge, as well as finalise the start and finish arrangements for the challenge.

The other “biggy” of course is my physical preparation.  Pilates and strength training continue to go well, and I am comfortable that I am on track (Thank you Sarah Grey).  But since the last post, I have started what I think is the final thing that I can do to prepare myself…Oxygen Therapy.  I know I mentioned it earlier, but the idea is that I get 20 sessions as close together as possible to get my body to the best level it can be.  Then it gets maintained by weekly/fortnightly/monthly sessions depending on what works best for me.  The initial part is a huge commitment of my time, because I am saying goodbye to 3 hours including the travel to Exeter on a near daily basis and sit in a chamber looking like a fighter pilot, but sounding like this, for an hour. 

So, as of today I have had 12 of my 20 sessions.  Am I feeling a difference?  YES.  It hit me yesterday that I felt WELL.  And I realised that I could not remember the last time I had felt like that.  Not for, literally years.  Now, as my friend Carol advised, I will ensure that I don’t get carried away and undo all the good I have done.  So, the focus for the last few weeks is PACE, PACE, PACE.

Respect

I can’t complete this blog without mentioning the truly inspirational Laviai Nielsen, who won a bronze medal as part of the British Quartet in the mixed 4x400 meters.  Apparently, she was diagnosed with MS just two days before she flew to the last Olympics in Tokyo.  Although physically we are totally different, I can imagine what might have been going on for her mentally and emotionally and I completely understand why she refused to accept her diagnosis as she competed at Tokyo.  But on returning from Tokyo, she was forced to adapt her lifestyle and tailor her training to avoid future MS-related flare-ups.  And she has mastered her lifestyle adaptations so well that she has gone on to win a bronze medal.  Total respect to her and to her sister, also an Olympian with MS.

But here is the lesson for me.  Obviously, I am not going to go out and start running – it’s just not my thing.  But whatever physical adversity I face, I think living a good live depends on finding and implementing the right lifestyle adaptations for me.

And right now, I think I am doing well on that score - getting balance – being as well as I can but also having some fun times too.

Announcement

And the final note about fun, is that we are delighted to say that our final fundraiser is definitely going ahead as planned.  For a time we were a bit unsure. So, for anyone who lives close to us, we will be holding a ‘Pop-Inn’ on the 6th September with The Big Chipper in attendance.  If you’re local and need more details, just DM me.

As always, Ian and I are truly humbled by the amount of support we have received both in terms of encouragement and the money we have raised for Overcoming MS.  If you would like to see Ian’s training route or help people with MS to lead a fulfilling life, our links to Strava and Just Giving are here.

Thank you so much

Jane and Ian

[iero]

when i started getting frequent panick attacks suddenly out of nowhere, this is what slowly helped me: 1. recognizing it’s a panick attack. 2. believe wholeheartedly i will survive no matter what (managed to internalize this after the first 3-4 times, in the beginning i would call/text someone but i stopped relying on that as soon as possible). 3. trying to be more present during the attack, in order to remember coping mechanisms exist. 4. figuring out which coping mechanisms work best for which symptoms. (for me this is a lot of matching activity to symptom – if i’m hyperventilating i’ll do a couple of jumping jacks so it feels “normal” and less scary to my brain. if i feel numbness i will run my hands under water or sit on my knees. if i am dissociating i will put on my favourite youtube videos pre-prepared in a list and zone out. cw nsfw, sorry, but for many issues jerking off will help for the physicality of it, even if it’s not an enjoyable process at all. playing tetris or something similar while running an engaging podcast in the background sometimes helps me ‘overwhelm’ my awareness.) 5. once i got better at making myself slightly more comfortable during the attacks, i began focusing on how to minimise the time i spent out of it. my technique is to decide on one thing i need to do, like eating a specific thing, showering, brushing teeth, etc. then set a specific time, let’s say 45 minutes, and give myself that time to feel everything and cope however i need. when the timer goes off (and this unfortunately requires more discipline than i often have) go do the thing and try not to let myself focus at all on the attack, in order to have an as-calm-as-possible continuation of my day. 

idk if this is helpful at all, sorry. the moment i was able to see a doctor, after a couple of months, they gave me beta blockers. unfortunately i have anxiety for taking pills so i never took them, but at this point i am able to derail my attacks  within 15-30 minutes, 9/10 times. 

I usually do step 1 and 2 right away. Like I told another anon, my panic attacks almost always start out the same way (like the same "physical" symptom) with some chest pain and unfortunately, it just escalates from there. It's a good thing to me because as soon as I feel that chest pain, my mind does a little "Oh no..." in my head and I know I need to go sit/lie down for a bit and let this pass. When I had one in my car yesterday, I was glad I was in my driveway and I just closed my eyes, put my head on the steering wheel and let it pass. I know I'll survive it because they're not really deadly and my chest pain isn't near my heart, so I know it's not a heart attack/any heart problems.

I really do wanna get into healthy coping mechanisms during an attack myself, but a good 99% of the time I usually will just sit/lie there and either close my eyes or just stare off into space while it happens. Point 5 is a wonderful thing to utilize and I might have to do that myself. My panic attacks take SOO much out of me, mentally and physically, to the point where sometimes I just wanna go to bed right afterwards, especially if I'm still an anxious mess after the fact...

It is helpful, don't worry! I appreciate your message (and I'm sorry for getting back to you late)! My panic attacks usually last a good 10-20 mins. usually, but I've had one that lasted me, like, two hours before and that was a BAD night. I'm hopeful with me starting exercising and/or medication, I can have them less and less.

[strangeanomelly]

I've been ruminating about starting over.

Over the past little while, I've noticed myself slip into the comfort of the big black cloud, and while it has been not helpful, nor comfortable, I have been stewing in the shadows of it. I let it completely take over my life and I know it's probably the worst thing I could have done, I blanketed it with the excuse of winter blues, and isolation "to recharge".

I went out yesterday to run errands and I didn't like the feeling of being away from my comfort zone, from my home. I hated it. I felt lost, numb and shook with anxiety. I took the 3 steps down at the mall and nearly collapsed as my legs felt like they were giving out. I know that I haven't been exercising for the past couple months and I can feel myself having less muscle than I've ever had and it's enough to make me realize that I really do need to go out more or at least move more but that's besides the current point I'm attempting to make. I know that if I had fallen, it probably would have been added to the list of traumas I've experienced (or let myself experience) and it would have been 5 steps back on my road to recovery. I'm already several steps behind, adding more would set me back much further than I anticipated.

There were some highlights though: I managed to snag a book that I've been staring at for months, and for less than $20 (about $15), which is also a bargain for a newly popular book. I went to the food court, got myself some a regular "the works" poutine from New York Fries, and sat down to read alone. My body felt frozen to the chair I was sitting in, but I managed to be in the public for a decent amount of time.

(For those wondering, the book is "Lessons in Chemistry" by Bonnie Garmus.)

So far, a recommended read. I haven't went further than the first couple of chapters, so I can't really formulate a decent opinion, but I will say that it has brought back my thirst for getting into a good book, and that's a definitely positive thing to add to an otherwise anxiety-filled, mentally exhausting day. A silver lining, if you will.

I am not currently cold, yet I have chills running up and down my body while I write this. If anyone has a reasonable explanation for it, I'd love to hear it. I guess for now I'll have to deal with it and push forward because these words need to be released.

So why have I decided to start a new blog-ish journal thing?

Well..

A few weeks ago, I spoke to a friend of mine after a particularly nasty spout of splitting, that writing in a journal would probably be more productive than spilling my guts out to another person. Especially if those thoughts are fleeting and sometimes irrational. I couldn't fathom the possibility of actually writing in a journal at the time, and when I did, I thought that it might be easier to pretend that my entries were towards another person, like a "dear, so and so". I figured that it might be easier to communicate my thoughts this way. The only difference would be that it would be aimed at them, but not necessarily for them. This way, I'd be able to communicate as effectively as I can, without the chance of changing the nature of the relationship I have with said person, or making it too personal towards them. I wanted to avoid just constantly spilling my problems to this person or cause me to lose yet another friendship I've come to enjoy having in my life. I want to be able to live my life honestly and open-minded, but I also don't want to exhaust people with my mental illness.

So, I finally pushed myself to start a blog. Or a journal. Or... something. I don't know what this is going to be yet, but I do know that I'll push myself to be honest at least, and strive for consistency.

I'm hoping that it will aid in my recovery. Or at the very least, improve my moods enough to be able to feel a slight bit of normalcy.

Or, aid in the processing of my emotions and thoughts and be a burden to the anonymous side of the internet, other than the people in my life that I would like to keep. Even the most loyal of people get tired of the BS.

So this it it. A hope that I can resonate with the random people of the internet, while also dumping out the random thoughts in my brain to hopefully make room for more positive thoughts, uplifting thoughts, or at least more productive thoughts that as a result, make me a better friend, or better person as a whole.

Wish me luck!

[astro-pi-schedule]

Becoming Disciplined Person

📌💡🚀📝

How to become disciplined person easily

First I need to stop telling myself that I don’t have discipline or that’s for other people and take action now!

start by organizing my current life recognizng my weaknesses

what are my goals?

what would be my ideal routine?

where can i start?

what habits are stealing my time or are harmful to me?

am i satisfied with my current life?

what should i improve?

what can i do now to improve?

Only after answering these above questions I can have a clearer idea of what I really want.

Step by step I will write down my short-term goals (for example to become more disciplined in one month by creating small routines) and start organizing myself, again asking, what can i change right now? I can improve many things, like start exercising daily, have a day for relax and skincare routine, go for a walk more often or practice handwriting, even if a new habit takes 10 minutes a day, it makes a challenge and is to be recorded in my agenda.

find your motivation

what are the long and short-term benefits you will get when you start this habit or routine?

what improvements will there be in your life during and after this?

Answer these questions.

little by little

I start from choosing new “harder” habit and another smaller one what is easier and more pleasant To start exercising I start first month easier then improve time and level of workouts. When I got used to this daily routine and there will be some effects I will start to enjoy the process.

some ideas to train your discipline

wake up one hour earlier than usual and go to sleep one hour earlier

organize yourself every day with a planner as soon as you wake up

know your goals for the day

control the time you spend on social media or watching tv

don’t give up!

After you have achieved your goal, for example, to lose weight, don’t give up the habits you created, you have to keep them in your life so you have to create a routine that suits you and makes you feel happy and motivated at the same time. There will be always more goals to achieve. When we create a routine and a plan of action everything will be much easier.

Tips to become more disciplined

1. Know what you want to achieve soon and in the future. This helps you know where to go and stay motivated. 2. Do the most important things first to save time and energy. 3. Have a daily plan that includes work, rest, exercise, and learning. 4. Make big tasks smaller so they’re not scary, and you can see progress. 5. Use methods like the pomodoro technique (working for a while - 25 minutes, then resting) or blocking time to get more done. 6 Control yourself from getting distracted or doing things just for fun.

Set a new standard for yourself. A higher, better standard. Expect life to go in your favor, expect the best possible outcome. Know you are worthy of every single thing you want to experience.

7. Mistakes are chances to learn, not reasons to give up. 8. Be ready to change your plans but keep your main goals. 9. Do quick tasks right away instead of waiting. 10. Use apps and tools to manage your tasks and time. 11. Decide what’s good enough for you and stick to it. 12. Believe you can get smarter and better with practice. Confidence comes from putting yourself out there and stepping outside of your comfort zone despite being scared. If you wait for confidence to precede the action, you’ll be waiting for ever. Moving from fear to faith is what is going to carry you through. Realizing that the fears created in your mind are there to protect you and keep you in your comfort zone, is how you change your perspective.

[whentherewerebicycles]

okay well i ended up working on work projects from 7:30-11 but i got a ton of stuff done! here’s what i did:

I created a detailed document I’m going to use with one of my coworkers to map out all of the existing resources we use with students + to generate an ambitious wishlist of resources (handouts, workshops, guides, etc.) we’ve seen a need for. i am hoping that we can use this document to rank our priorities, set specific goals for the summer and the fall quarter, then develop a detailed project plan so we can divide up research and creation tasks between ourselves, our incoming program manager, and our student workers. 

I created an external grants spreadsheet to organize my research on external funding opportunities. right now i am tracking the following: the name of the organization or foundation, categories/names of grants we might be eligible for, examples of recently funded projects & award amounts, and a notes section where i’m just jotting down ideas for specific initiatives we either have or want to develop that seem relevant to the org’s grantmaking priorities. i added three entries today (all Mellon grants) and am going to try blocking out an hour on my calendar once or twice a week to add more entries. my office has been so understaffed for so long that they haven’t had a specific point person to think about external grants... so i’ve volunteered to be that person or to at least explore the possibility of being that person + have had my boss help me set up meetings with various people across campus to figure out what that might look like. anyway i want to do a bunch of research in advance so i’m coming into those meetings more prepared. 

i spent some time trying to map out my areas of focus/responsibility by hand... got a little distracted here as the process of mapping sparked a bunch of new ideas & i wasn’t very good at corralling myself back to the task at hand. but i can FEEL myself starting to build out my mental schema of what this job is going to entail. this is such an improvement over the way i felt at the end of my first week (totally overwhelmed & info-overloaded). as i move forward this summer i want to consciously carve out time for those types of mindmapping exercises where i’m actually making myself sort, categorize, and cluster incoming info & possible projects around my major areas of responsibility, which i would say are loosely: 1) student development; 2) faculty development and curricular integration, 3) assessment & reporting, 4) strategic leadership, planning, and advocacy, and 5) developing external partnerships (including securing external funding). i think the big big leap for me in this job is going to be figuring out how to establish priorities and create feasible work plans for myself and for my direct reports so that we are consistently making progress across all five areas of responsibility. i’m the type of person who can so easily get absorbed into a passion project & sink all of my time/energy into it even when there are more urgent things to be done... so i want to just be really conscious about setting aside time each week to step wayyyy back from my day-to-day work, assess how i’ve been distributing my time and energy, and adjust if needed. i am REALLY looking forward to hiring my program manager because i think it will be a huge help to be able to split up some of these big projects based on our areas of expertise, so that i’m in more of a monitoring & feedback role on some of this stuff. i hope we get someone good!!! the application pool looks really strong so fingers crossed!!!

okay okay. i can feel myself transitioning from flow state into that Manic Work Mode where i get all revved up & wild-eyed in a way that is probably not good for my overall stress levels lol. that was a good way to spend the morning (i have satisfied my inner ‘But Shouldn’t I Work on a Project So I Don’t Feel Aimless & Discontented?’ impulses) but i am now officially DONE with work for the day. now i think i will go lie in bed and decompress by mindlessly scrolling for 20 min or so... then i want to do a long (90 min) podcast walk with the dogs, after which i think i will gently urge myself to head back out for a quick ~10 min mile run. then i will shower and get dressed! and eat lunch! and drive to the park to hammock & read with my sister sometime in the mid to late afternoon!

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 38

Sorry for the delay. Real life gets out of hand. But here it is! The antepenultimate chapter.

Shout out to @asongeverlasting for beta reading for me and making sure I actually got this out.

Check her writing out on AO3 as Ramblingwren

(Master post)

(Read the fic in a more condensed on Ao3)

(The latest chapter will be up on there once this reaches over 500 notes on tumblr)

Hope you all enjoy

_____________________________________________________________

“I shouldn’t have let her go out there.”

Fu watched the school nurse, Angela, fret as she paced back and forth.

“I understand your concern, but I believe that it will all be alright. Ladybug and Chat Noir haven’t failed in handling an akuma yet,” he explained. “The girl will be okay.”

The nurse stopped pacing.

“I appreciate your optimism but… I am really not used to this,” She said as she gestured to the air.

Fu blinked at the statement.

“Oh?”

“This! This whole thing! Super villains that appear whenever someone gets sad, teenagers with superpowers! This is all new to me! I just moved to Paris a month ago from the countryside. All I wanted was to further my education and get work in the medical field. It… It boggles my mind that everyone in this city is so okay with all of this! Even my new boyfriend Curtis is able to shrug off an akuma attack like a sudden drizzle. This isn’t normal!”

The guardian could tell the young woman was distressed, and he couldn’t blame her. In a way, he envied her. This was all foreign for her, but to him, this was his entire life.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up like that. I've had a lot to deal with, and this whole situation is just so…”

Fu moved to her and helped her sit down.

“It’s alright, this is by no means a good situation. Your concerns are very understandable. I can tell that deep down that your frustration and fear come from compassion and empathy. You will make a wonderful doctor one day.”

She took a deep breath.

“Thank you. You have no idea how much I really needed to hear that today.”

“How about I teach you a medication technique that will help you calm down?”

“Meditation? I'm not really one for that kind of stuff.”

“If one wants to be a doctor, being able to calm down and handle an emergency situation is a must.”

The school nurse agreed that he had a good point, and that this may help get her mind off of things.

“Okay, I guess I'll give it a shot.”

Fu smiled.

“Good. Let us start simple. Close your eyes and put your hands together.”

Angela felt the action was a bit odd but complied.

“Now, take a deep breath. Count to 5 in your head and then breathe out.”

She took her breath and followed the order.

“Whenever you feel a thought come to your head, simply picture yourself putting it out of your mind and into a bucket.”

She tried her best to comply.

As she did this, Fu moved behind her and quickly pinched a nerve on her neck, causing the young woman to seize up for a moment before losing consciousness.

“That will help her relax.”

He carefully moved her to the cot and laid a sheet over her like a blanket.

Once it was clear that she was asleep, a turtle kwami flew out of hiding.

“So, what do we do now, Master?”

Fu took a moment to consider.

His plan was already in motion. Ladybug and Chat Noir had plenty of allies to help fight the akuma. All that needed to be done was to sit down and wait.

But as he thought about it more, he couldn’t help but think that he should go in personally. It was what he'd initially planned to do with akuma, after all. Listening to this young woman’s fears made him really see how his inaction has led to such fear and uncertainty.

For once, it was time for him to go on the offensive.

“Now we head out and find this akuma.”

“Master, you already sent out three miraculous. Let the other heroes handle this,” Wayzz insisted.

“The people of Paris should not have to become used to this. I have been far too lax with this situation. Right now, Ladybug and Chat Noir are facing their most dangerous akuma yet. For decades I have always remained passive in order to avoid making another mistake, but I have already made so many with my inaction. It's time I stop letting my actions be dictated by fear.”

“But Master, you can’t transform! Your body is too old to handle it!”

“Fear not, Wayzz. I have been exercising and restoring my vitality with the techniques of the guardians. By my estimation, I should be able to maintain the transformation without too much issue for 10 minutes,” Fu assured.

“That is not a lot of time, Master!” Wayzz pointed out.

“True, but it is better than nothing. We will head out and wait for the moment we need it. Be ready, Wayzz.”

The old guardian started heading to the door.

“But Master, what if you get captured? What if the akuma does succeed and you are unable to step in?”

Fu paused at the door.

“I know you are concerned for me. I appreciate your care. But I need to go out there. I have lived a long life, Wayzz, far longer than most humans. One day I may not be here to be the guardian.”

Wayzz felt a pang of sorrow hearing his Master talk about how he would no longer be around.

“But that’s okay. I know that when that time comes… I have two young heroes that will be ready to stand up and fight. The best thing an old man like me can do is pave the road for them.” The guardian said with certainty. He went to open the door.

“Fu…”

The old man stopped. Turning around, he saw the turtle kwami he had known for most of his life smile at him.

“I know you think of yourself as a failure of a guardian… but Su Han and the others were wrong. You are a great one. You are the most caring guardian that has ever held the title. And I will be by your side to the end.”

The old man felt his eyes well up at the sweet comment.

“Then let’s go, Partner.”

___________________________________________________________________________

The dragon heroine grabbed the confused snake hero and moved him to the closest room before closing the door.

“Okay we should be safe here,” she said as she looked over to her comrade. It was clear that Viperion was still very confused. It did not help that both his and her miraculous were beeping. They didn't have much time.

“Thanks… ummm,” Viperion started as he tried to rack his brain for a name. Part of him felt like he should know her. But his mind is blank.

“Ryuuko. You can call me Ryuuko. And you are Viperion.”

“Okay… weird name for me, but I guess it works.”

Ryuuko realized that the bubble Viperion had been put in wasn’t just to keep him frozen in place. One of the side effects must have been leaving him without any memory of who he was. Had her partner been aware of that risk when he took the bubble for her? She couldn’t know for sure. But right now, she needed to focus on the task at hand. Shehad to take charge since her partner was out of sorts.

“Okay, 'll try to explain this as quickly as possible.”

“Your real name is Luka. But when you are in your hero form, you go by Viperion.”

“Hero form...”

He looked down.

“Well, that does explain the costumes. I thought it was some sort of weird costume party.”

Ryuuko decided to ignore that.

“Okay, so I'm a hero. And you're one too?”

“Yes. We are both heroes picked by Ladybug to help her fight villains. Right now, we're fighting a bunch of them, and you got your memory wiped by one of their attacks. That’s why you are confused. Any questions?”

The boy took a moment to look himself over and then look at her. This was a lot of information to take in. Ryuuko was half expecting him to call her crazy. Which, given how bizarre the circumstances were, she wouldn’t blame him.

“Okay, I think if it was anyone else telling me this, I would have called it a load of bull. But… I don’t know why but I feel like I can trust you. You sound sincere,” Viperion responded.

“Okay great, now let's…”

“I still have a few questions.”

Ryuuko sighs.

“Look, we really don’t have much time. We need to hurry and get out there to help…”

And just before she finished the statement, both of their transformations wore off. Revealing their civilian forms.

“Oh no.” Kagami muttered in horror.

“What happened? Where am I… What am I?” The snake kwami questioned as he looked at himself.

“It appears that Sass was also impacted by the amnesia.” The dragon kwami that popped out of her necklace commented.

Luka stared wide eyed at the creature.

“Are you a snake?”

“A snake? I suppose?”

“A snake with limbs? That is very rock and roll.”

The two fistbumped. Thankfully they seemed to get along.

Longg looked at them.

“This is quite a predicament.”

“We need to hurry back in. Longg! Bring the….”

“Hold on a moment. Both Sass and I will not be able to do that yet.”

Kagami stopped.

“How come?”

“We need to refuel. The energy of transforming AND using our unique powers drains a lot out of us. We need some food to continue.”

“Food… Okay.”

The snake Kwami grabbed his stomach.

“I find myself rather famished,” he commented.

Luka looked at him.

“Let me see if I can help you out.”

The teen took off the backpack he was wearing to go through it. Thankfully there was a bag lunch in there. For some reason he felt that was important. But decided that if it could help the little guy out, he was sure it wouldn’t be a big deal.

He opened the bag lunch and pulled out a bag of apple slices. Opening it to grab a piece.

“I know snakes usually are carnivores, but how about some fruit?”

“Ooo! It smells divine!”

Luka handed the floating kwami a piece of the apple.

He takes a bite.

“Oh! It's delicious! Juicy and sweet!”

The snake quickly devours the apple piece.

As that happens, Kagami looked through her bag.

“I don’t have fruit but I do have some onigiri. It was my afternoon snack… but since this is a dire situation.”

“Rice? Yes please!” Longg exclaimed as he dive bombed right into the delicious rice ball.

“It’s Umeboshi, it’s not to everyone’s taste but It is one of my favorites.”

“It’s the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. The sour plum really brings a new dimension of flavor.”

Kagami smiled a bit at her kwami companion, happy that she could help.

The two Kwami finished their food and were ready for action.

“Okay, Sass. You need to help Luka transform.”

“Sass? Is that my name?” the snake inquired.

“So, he helps me transform into Viperman?”

“Viperion, and yes,” Kagami responded.

“All you need to do is say. Sass, Scales Slither. And to activate your special power just pull your bracelet back and say second chance. Then pull it back when you want to use it. But be sure not to use it right away,” Longg instructed.

“Okay seems easy enough. Are you okay with this?” Luka asked as he turned his attention to his snake pal.

“The floating horn snake seems fine with it so I say let’s give it a try”

Longg decided for the sake of his friendship with Sass to ignore the comment.

“Alright! Let's do this!” Kagami exclaimed as she prepared to transform.

“One last question.”

Kagami was starting to get antsy. She wanted to be back out there fighting. But she held back her annoyance, considering how he sacrificed his memories for her.

“Make it quick, we need to hurry.”

Luka scratches the back of his head.

“Are we a couple?”

If Kagami was drinking water she would have done a massive spit take. Her cheeks turned red.

“What?!”

“You know… together? You seem to know a lot about me, and I just feel this connection... like I can trust you even though I don’t remember anything. I don’t know how or why, but I feel like you matter to me.”

Kagami’s eyes went wide at the comment. It felt surprisingly bold of the musician to say. She had to admit that the statement made her heart skip a beat.

“No, we had just recently become friends.” Kagami responded.

“Oh…” Luka was saddened by the response.

“But, I have thought about the possibility it could be more than that one day," Kagami continued. "But that is something to discuss when you have your memory back. Maybe.”

The fencer felt her mind scream at her.

‘WHY DID YOU SAY THAT! Well, at least he won't remember.’

Luka smiled at that.

“Well, that must mean I must be a good guy, if I could have such a great friend like you.”

The teen prepared himself.

“Alright then! Sass! Scales Slither.”

The musician shifted into his hero form.

“Let’s go save the day.”

Kagami looked at her hero partner and smiled.

“Longg, Bring the storm.

______________________________________________________________________

“Well, that might be a problem.”

Chat Noir and Ladybug looked to see a stone giant guarding the front door of the classroom. The two had hidden just out of the goliath’s view.

“Any ideas on how to take down Mount Akuma?” Chat Noir questioned.

Ladybug looked at the giant from their hiding spot and began formulating a plan.

“Stoneheart grows bigger when he gets mad. These akuma aren’t really able to express their emotions. That means we don’t need to worry about him getting bigger. We just need to find a way to incapacitate him.”

“We could ask Mayura,” Chat Noir pointed out.

“We could ask… wait WHA…”

Chat Noir covered his partner’s mouth and ducked down.

“Shhhh! She’s right there,” Chat Noir hushed.

Ladybug removed the cat’s hand from her mouth and looked from the spot to see that her partner was right. Mayura was in the building!

“She actually showed up?” Oh, this is a lot more serious than we thought. Hawkmoth is really playing it serious with this one.”

“To the butterfly man’s credit, he really has been throwing out some tough ones.”

“I will not give our worst villain credit for anything except this headache,” Ladybug retorted with annoyance.

“So, what do we do? Mayura is in the building and she is talking with the giant.”

Ladybug felt like the situation couldn’t get worse.

“Not so fast, Feather Freak!”

Ladybug recognized that voice.

“Chloé?”

Chat Noir and Ladybug glanced to see a familiar blonde strutting down the hallway. But their expressions of shock shifted to bewilderment when they noticed what she was wearing.

“So are you and that purple fashion blunder here? Or is it just you? I am guessing it's just you. Your boss doesn’t really like to show his face unless he thinks he is sure to win. No wonder Ladybug always kicks his…” The bee themed heroine confidently quipped.

“Queen Bee. Now that is a surprise. I thought Ladybug was done giving you a miraculous.” The peacock villainess commented. She had no interest in dealing with the bee heroine at this time.

“Well, you would be surprised by a lot of things. So how about we settle this. My fist really misses your face.”

Mayura rolled her eyes.

“Fortunately for you, I don’t have the time to deal with you. Stoneheart, I am sure Masquerade would love for you to take care of this pesky bee.”

“Oh don’t think you can walk away! You and that purple cockroach are the same. Both cowards that can’t even face children.” She jeered as she walked forward.

The stone giant moved forward, allowing Mayura to walk to the door and enter.

“Too scared to face me! Typical. I'll beat your pet rock as a warm up and then your butt will meet my foot!” Queen Bee exclaimed with confidence. “Because I am a real heroine!”

Queen Bee got into a stance and prepared to trade blows with the colossus of rock.

Chat Noir looked to Ladybug.

“Did you give her a miraculous?” He whispered in surprise.

“I don’t have any additional miraculous. I thought she had been captured with the rest of the class.”

“Wait… if it wasn’t you… you don’t think…”

“Either Master Fu is in the building and saw how dire the situation was or Chloé snuck away and had a Queen Bee costume stowed away in her locker.”

The two look at each other and immediately come to the same conclusion.

“We need to save her before she gets crushed!”

______________________________________________________________________

Mayura walked into the classroom.

She managed to keep a straight face, but internally she had a lot going through her mind.

What was once a standard classroom now looked like an elaborate throne room. The amazing curtains, the high ceilings. The steps leading up to an elaborate throne. The portraits of Masquerade really brought together the utter decadence and vanity of the akuma persona. It reminds Mayura of Gabriel’s obsession with Emilie in the worst way possible.

Despite finding the décor off-putting, she had to admit it was impressive how Masquerade had been able to change the room into something completely unrecognizable. A testament to her vanity.

She took a moment to see what akuma servants she still had in the room. The Gamer, Reflekta with around 12 copies, Princess Fragrance, Robostus, Zombizou and Horificator. While the white masks obscured their expressions, it was clear that all of them were watching her. It greatly unnerved her.

She kept these thoughts to herself as the masked akuma that was running the school took notice of her.

“Mayura. I've been expecting you.”

Mayura looked up to see Masquerade sitting on the throne.

“Please, come in.”

She approached confidently. Though in the back of her mind something seemed off.

Masquerade stood up from the throne and walked down the steps, a smile of certainty on her face.

“Masquerade. Your Sentimonster gave me the basics of your plan. Securing the school as your base of operations was a good first step. Your plan of creating a video to lower the spirits of those in Paris was also a nice touch,” Mayura praised.

“But of course! My plan is flawless,” Masquerade boasted. “Not even Ladybug and Chat Noir will be able to stop me.”

“Getting ahead of yourself aren’t you?” Mayura cut her ego trip.

Masquerade’s mood soured as her smile faltered.

“What do you mean by that?”

“You have yet to face the two heroes. Not to mention there's a pesky bee flying around.”

“A bee?” Masquerade was very confused by the comment.

“Yes, Chloé Bourgeois, or Queen Bee, to be precise. Seems that Ladybug and Chat Noir went and got back up."

“It doesn’t matter if they have one additional hero or three. This plan won't fail.”

‘Something isn’t right here. I need to leave now!’ Mayura’s mind screamed.

She wasn’t sure why, but something felt incredibly off.

“Speaking of heroes, your plan never really specified how you will deal with them. Care to elaborate?”

Masquerade’s smile grew more sinister.

“I am glad you asked. After Simularé relayed to me that you were here. I finally figured out the perfect way of dealing with those arrogant heroes,” the masked woman stated with certainty, moving forward.

She now stood only a few feet from the peacock villainess.

“Wait a moment, something is wrong here,” Mayura commented as she tried to focus. She couldn’t ignore the warnings in her head.

“What do you mean?” The mask akuma looked with confusion at the blue villainess.

Mayura looked around. Frantically trying to find something but it was fruitless. This distress caused Masquerade to smile.

“I can't sense it,” Mayura spoke with slight worry.

“Sense what?” Masquerade inquired further.

“Where is your amok? It should be on your person but I can't sense it.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Yes. If you don’t have the amok in your possession then that sentimonster will go out of control!” Mayura explained.

“Can’t you just rip the amok out?”

“If it's nearby and I sense it, yes. But I can’t do that if it’s out of my range.”

“So you’re saying you have no power over me right now.” A devilish grin appeared on Masquerade’s face.

“No, I am saying I don’t have any power over the senti…”

Mayura felt a chill as she realized that the masquerade in front of her was not an akumatized Lila.

“Horrificator, block the door,” the Faux Masquerade commanded.

The pink and purple monster quickly moved to block the door with her large form.

The controlled akuma started circling around her as Simularé undid the illusion and morphed into its true specter form, Simularé.

“You ungrateful little monster. You think your master will be okay with you attacking one of the ones that gave her power?”

“My master doesn’t care about you or Hawkmoth. You are a means to an end. And she gave me special permission to take your miraculous from you.”

“Well if your master isn’t here, then no one is jamming the signal. I can contact Hawkmoth and put this little coup to an end.”

Simularé shifted into Lady Wifi.

“I have access to every power my master does. You are trapped with no options.” The sentimonster mocked.

Mayura looked around as she was circled by the controlled akuma. She needed to get out of there.

She felt a pain rush to her head.

‘F*** not now’ She mentally cursed.

The odds were indeed not in her favor.

______________________________________________________________________________

Stoneheart began charging at the bee themed heroine, and just as Queen Bee was about to move, a yo-yo wrapped around her waist and pulled her away from the monster.

The stone giant had expected his charge to make contact but forced himself to stop when he noticed the bee was gone.

“Sorry tiny, but I’m your playmate now,” called a cat-themed hero.

The mindless akuma didn’t visibly react to the change in foe and simply charged at the cat hero.

Queen Bee found herself near Ladybug.

“Chloé! What are you doing?!”

“Uh… Saving the day? I got the jewelry box that you sent out because you needed my help.”

“Jewelry box… wait a minute that means. You are wearing a miraculous.”

“Yep! Don’t worry LB, I will show you that I am worthy of being Queen Bee. And not to boast, but I totally saved someone. But right now, we gotta go beat that ugly pile of rubble.”

Ladybug looked at Chloé for a moment. With the situation as hectic as it was, Queen Bee has shown some competence when there is real danger. Ladybug knew that right now, all hands that could help would be appreciated, and Queen Bee’s appearance could mean that Fu may be closer than she expected. So maybe there were more reinforcements. So if this was the case. She would trust Fu’s judgement.

“Alright, just be ready to return the bee after all of this is over.”

“Right, right, but just know I will probably change your mind about that after this is over!” the bee exclaimed confidently as she jumped back into the fray.

Ladybug shook her head. Whether she was Queen Bee or Chloé, she was still a handful.

“Are you finished gossiping? Because I could REALLY use a hand!” Chat Noir shouted as he held his staff up to hold back the rock monster’s boulder of a fist.

Queen Bee and Ladybug jumped into view and noticed the situation.

“Don’t worry you stray cat, The Queen Bee will put that rock in his place. Ve…”

Ladybug covered Queen Bee’s mouth before she could.

“Hold it. We might need your power for later.”

“I think it would be useful now!” Chat Noir shouted as he struggled to hold the weight of the giant’s rocky hand.

“Okay if my powers are a no no right now, what is the plan?”

Ladybug looked around. She found her attention drawn to a fire extinguisher, Queen Bee, a rubber band, and a discarded backpack.

“Okay, I have a plan.”

______________________________________________________________________

Gabriel had made a decision.

He hurried out of the lair in his civilian form. He was going to head to the school. Now he would just need to get his chauffeur and go…

Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he saw his son’s bodyguard and chauffeur fall to the floor at the steps of the main entrance, a white mask adorning his face that he was desperately trying to get off.

“What is the meaning of this?” Gabriel asked aloud in shock and anger.

He looked to see the mask akuma he created standing at the door.

“Well, if it isn’t Gabriel Agreste. Fashion mogul, and master manipulator.”

Gabriel’s visible anger faded as he stared at the akuma.

“Lila, is that you?”

“Oh quite astute! An amazing deduction. Was it that observational skill that made you the fashion success you are now?” the akumatized Lila inquired. “Though I go by Masquerade now.”

Gabriel knew very well the girl’s powers. He was the one that gave it to her. She was trying to antagonize him, get him angry. But that would not work.

“Well Masquerade, what brings you to my home at this time?” Gabriel asked calmly. Doing his best to keep his tone and mannerisms calm.

“Oh, I was just in the neighborhood, finding more people to join my little army and I notice my charm glowing as I was getting near.”

Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he realized something. The charm bracelet was configured to locate anyone that has ever been akumatized. That included him. His ploy to ward suspicion off of himself was now biting him in the butt. And of course, Lila was likely holding a grudge with how he pushed her with his words about his son and his classmate.

“My bodyguard was akumatized. What of it?”

The silent action figure enthusiast stopped resisting and his body began growing. Gabriel noticed the man was transforming into the gorilla akuma. Gorizilla! And he rushed up the steps as the akuma moved and pounded his chest.

“Gorizilla, go gather up anyone who has been akumatized that you know of. I will handle Mr. Agreste myself.”

The giant akuma nodded at its master and headed off, leaving the agreste mansion with a giant hole that was once the front of the mansion.

“Handle me? And what do you plan to do?”

Masquerade’s necklace began to glow.

“Oh! Well that is very interesting,” Masquerade mused aloud as she learned from the glowing charm.

“What do you mean, interesting?” Gabriel asked. He knew that the charm had the bonus effect of pointing out the emotional weak points of those that had been akumatized. But he had PRETENDED to be angry and wasn’t actually emotional when the akuma took over. Did the charm still impact him the same way it did everyone else?

Masquerade started walking up the steps.

“You blame yourself for your wife’s passing.”

The statement was a blade pointed right at his throat. But Gabriel refused to react. He would not let himself be taken advantage of by his own akuma. He has been on the receiving end one too many times and he would be damned if he let that psychopath have control of him.

Masquerade saw that Gabriel was not reacting to the statement.

“I have never seen a man more miserable and pathetic,” Masquerade said. Her words sounded genuine and cutting.

Gabriel tried to turn around and walk away. But Masquerade jumped high with her superhuman agility and landed right in front of him, continuing her tearing down of his emotional state.

“All of this wealth and yet you are obsessed with what you don’t have. You are so blinded by the grief of losing your wife that everything else in your life may as well not exist. You locked yourself away, desperately trying to find something, anything that would bring her back. But now you are finding that color is starting to return in your life. You feel guilt over hiding the truth from your son, you loathe the attraction that you have been developing for another woman. You hate that you can’t dedicate every second to your lost wife and any speck of joy you feel without her here feels like treason since she is not here with you. You are a man so blind with his obsession that you fail to see the world doesn’t revolve around you. It's disgusting.”

“You know nothing of my life,” Gabriel dismissed.

But Masquerade knew he would say that. She only smiled. The truth was right in front of her. And she was ready to bring it home.

“You are actually terrified of facing her again.”

That shook Gabriel.

“What?”

“You are afraid of seeing her again. Whether it’s a year or 10 years, you feel that even if you could bring her back, she would be here and realize how much of a shell you had become without her. You are afraid that your obsession with her will be the very thing that drives her away once you see her again.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Then why haven’t you brought her back yet? Don’t you love her?”

Gabriel felt like his heart was being repeatedly punched.

“How dare you question my love for my wife!”

“Then why isn’t she here? If you loved her she wouldn’t have been taken from you and Adrien. But you were far too pathetic to do it. You failed her, and you are still failing her. You will never be with her again, and deep down. You know it to be true,” Masquerade answered coldly.

Those words were enough to get him down. That is what finally did him in.

Gabriel fell to his knees.

“No…”

Gabriel had broken. Masquerade knew she had him.

He was emotionally devastated, to the point where couldn’t even react to the mask coming his way.

____________________________________________________________

Well now things are now hitting their highest points of drama!

Will Ladybug and other heroes be able to stand up to Masquerade?

Will Mayura fall to Simularé's double cross?

Will I EVER update in time?

Tell me your thoughts on the chapter. Your support keeps it alive

[rheynir]

Life Reset: Part 1 Collect & Organize

I don't know about you, but at the end of the year I always seem to have let myself fall out of my schedule and I will have a million loose threads and things to do. This year is definitely no exception, and being done school, not having started my job (yet), and the last year (really 2 years) being what it was, it's probably worse that normal.

At this point, I have basically perfected a "getting back on track" method. (that probably says more about me than I would like it to.) So, here is the process I go through to get back to a place where productivity is even possible.

I'm writing this as I do it myself, so I'll be posting updates as I work through it. This is probably going to be the longest part, you'll see why.

Let me know if you use this method, even if its just part of it. I'd love to hear about it!

1. Master to-do list

Gather any scraps of paper, backs of receipts, phone notes, emails to yourself, etc that you have placed tasks and other things you need to do. Or maybe, you're like me and just had an endless list swimming in your head. Either way gather all the to-do's up and put them on one sheet of paper (or one electronic note). This can be a little overwhelming if you do it in the middle of a school semester, so I recommend to do it on a break or put school matters on a separate page from everything else.

When I say list everything, I mean everything. I put an upcoming trip, laundry, a shopping trip I need to make, and painting my walls (which I won't be doing for a while yet). If it is something that occupies your time or brain space, write it down. (I actually ended up adding more after the above picture was taken.)

2. Main goals

Try to keep it to a smallish number, something like 5 or less. I just did this on the same page as my list. Keep them pretty simple and attainable. I chose read more, better diet, exercise, and maintain a schedule.

I specifically do short and medium term here, as I will be using them to prioritize and schedule tasks and events. I recommend taking any long term goals and breaking them down into shorter term goals. (While aiming for graduating is, of course, good, at this point its more useful to focus on passing this semester with the grades you want.)

I also believe it is important to have goals for both work/school and life. I didn't include my work goals in this particular list. Goal development is something I can go more into later. For now we just need some short/medium ones to build around.

3. Sort your Master List from step 1

This is by far the longest section as we are now actually doing something to make this list manageable. Handle each category of item (colored orange below) separately, and when you sort an item cross it off from the master list. Do which ever category first that calls to you.

I used notion for lists and google calendar for dates. You can use paper or whatever you want. I have a later post planned to talk about this specific topic (planners, etc).

A. Items that take 5 minutes or less to complete

If it is feasible to do it right now, do it. Move the thing, take the stuff to your bedroom. Whatever the small task is, do it. (And while you're up, grab yourself some water)

For anything you can't do right now, put those items on a special 5-min-or-less todo list. Later when we schedule, we will build in time to clear that list. The goal is to not add to it by doing those 5-minute-or-less tasks immediately when they come up in the future. Not always possible, but we can try.

B. Items associated with a date that you DONT need to prepare more than a week in advance for (ie, events you just need to show up to, assignments you can do the day before, etc)

Throw it in the calendar (set a remind if your using an electronic calendar) and move on with your life.

C. Items associated with a date that you DO need to prepare more than a week for (ie assignments that take longer than a couple of hours to complete or have multiple parts)

Treat the actual due date similar to items in B, but we aren't done yet. Break down each item into steps to get the thing done and give personal deadlines. I then treat each of those steps as their own event/task (B or D) depending on what worked best for my work flow and that task or event.

For example, if I had a paper due, I could break that down into outline/brainstorming/research, draft, and final. Then I would assign the first bit a month out from the due date, the draft two weeks out, and then I would have those two weeks to clean up the paper and turn it in.

This is probably the longest part. I also believe it is the one that sets you up for the best success later.

D. Everything else, ie tasks that need to get done but don't have due dates.

For these items, I swear by the Eisenhower Matrix. If you don't know what that is, it sorts your todo list on a four quadrant system with importance on one axis and urgency on the other.

Group 1: important and urgent. Anything that needs to get done soon and is important to have completed. For example, I need to renew a training certificate for work. This is important and my start date for work is approaching so its urgent.

Group 2: important but not urgent. As above, but you have some time to get it done. Something like packing for a trip that is a week from now.

Group 3: not important but is urgent. Stuff like responding to emails or doing meal prep may fall here. The earlier these are done the better, but they aren't a priority.

Group 4: not important or urgent. Items that you'd like to get done, but may end up sitting on your list awhile. Reorganizing my computer files would belong here.

Here is my Eisenhower Matrix To-do list in Notion. My group 4 is a bit cut off, but I tend to have a big list in that section. My less-than-5-min-list is right below this.

Next I'll talk about where to actually put this information now that its sorted- planners, agendas, and organizers!(oh, my)

If you have a topic you'd like me to discuss, please let me know!