#staying limited and now im posting on tumblr about it so as to not get sucked down another research rabbit hole cus i dont know how to not

[coolnonsenseworld]

A little promo with my little obsession on the side...........

Reminder all items are shipped from Poland - for details on shipping times check out FAQ or send me a private message!

 mmezzy.bigcartel.com

[nerdie-faerie]

I literally had a meeting with my professor today about these upcoming assignments where she stressed to me not to get distracted and keep it narrow, right? I sat there and explained that I want to include this and I think this is related but I'm worried that it's not strictly relevant and will lead to me getting distracted which I do not have room for in my word count and she looked at me like 'yeah obviously? like why are you bringing it up if you already know thats whats going to happen?' because the issue isn't that I don't know what the problem is, I'm well aware of my problems, the issue is that knowing isn't enough to prevent it. I need you to tell me that I'm right in this assessment and that I definitely cannot include all of that. I need strict parameters because I cannot be trusted

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery

Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3

tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood

Bisuke: Gai's Back!

Gai: GRAAH!

Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,

Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?

Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.

Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then

Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!

Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry

Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.

Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.

Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners

Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it

Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...

Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.

Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"

Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]

Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?

Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken

Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that

[feistyvirghoe]

*♡∞:｡.｡ ᴀʟʟ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ? ~ 18+ ˚₊·➳❥ PILE 1 -3◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

PILE 1 ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

(this pile was long af, tumblr wouldn’t let me paste everything so hopefully you guys can read this well! i’m sorry!)

PILE 2 ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

PILE 3 ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

(rest of pile 3-sorry for how the messages came out in your pile but you needed to hear this, just to be aware and not fall for facades)

well we got someone here who don’t wanna play games with you, take you home, rub you down, pamper you, explore your body, making love to every part of your body, watching your movements and where your sweet spots are, this person isn’t one to fuck around, they’re serious about you, do you guys like licking ears or like the nibbling of ears, making the other person shiver, tingles down their spine, this person doesn’t want to rush anything, like they love to be in the moment, aware and mindful of what they’re doing to you, dirty talk is here so i feel like this person would just want to be up in your ear about what yall got going on if u know what i mean lol, verbal communication during sex is another way to stay present as well, this pile is all about being more present and aware of what you’re doing, not staying in your head, maybe your person will see that you get anxious and overwhelmed so they take their time and feel you out literally haha, but they’re just watching you paying attention to how you’re feeling, idk why the fuck i heard ushers confessions song so maybe someone here who you’re dealing with wants to open up to you in the bedroom, like sex is a good way for them to get their emotions out, talking you through it, so intense but just like the whispering sweet nothings back to one another and being vocal with each other. now i’m going to get some messages to see what’s truly going on here (use ur discernment, at the end of the day i don’t really know your story so just place it where it fits :) )

★strive- i have grown up since our last encounter, i have been working on myself to be the better person whom you can feel proud of.

♥︎divine timing- we are on the journey and the divine dance on the soul plane, it will manifest into the physical world in perfect divine timing, all we have to do is trust and have faith that all will work out beautifully.

★promise- i wish you knew just how special you are to me, it kills me not to be able to tell you, you amaze me with your compassion and kindness through this time apart, i promise i will make things right between us.

(i feel like for this newer person to come in you’ll have to purge, let go of, and just walk away from the toxic energy, im sorry for how short y’all’s pile is, choose another one IF you feel called to it)

sex on fire, do i make you nervous, on my mind

˖◛⁺⑅♡Lᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ♡⑅⁺◛˖ thank you for clicking on my post and giving me a chance to read for you, i’ll post my pile 4-6 later but here’s the top three for now since tumblr has their limits haha ˖◛⁺⑅♡Lᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ♡⑅⁺◛˖

✨4-6 available 💫

[chakotaybodypillow]

sorry yall for not posting about my Chakotay stuff ☹️ even though i said i wanted to get as much out before school started, Ive taken a bit of a turn on that for a few reasons.

I really wanted to start by addressing and sharing info about the Nicarao, but I wanted to provide more information than what was available with a quick google search, and tbh, it has proven to be difficult. I've been able to find some solid research backed with sources so I'm working on summarizing that, but I want to languish over the material so I can fully grasp the historical context being discussed. Its mentioned several times in the book I've chosen to read that the research is a difficult mosaic. So its taking me several reads to digest the series of events listed. It's a lot but not that much a at the same time. Ive had to expand my readings to encompass the entirity of Central America as well as Mexico.

Unfortunately the amount of contemporary ethnographic research of the Indigenous people of the Rivas is also very very limited. Which is disappointing :/ from what I've read the Nicarao as a group are extinct. So I've also had to shift my focus to groups that are still active to get a better understanding of the Native populations.... its a lot and i more than likely will post in chunks as i take in more information. So when i finally do make the first post it will be a small historic break down of theories and studies about the arrival of the Nahuas to Nicaragua :)

Also....off topic i had a discussion with my editor (my mom) after i posted my topics and she told me that i had essentially created an outline for a master's thesis 😅... and that posting it publicly was a mistake 😅😅... bc now it cant be considered my research😅😅😅 ....... She was telling me to consider making this into real academic research and we discussed the different methods of pop culture research and such. Ive considred making this into something bigger, but idk. it would make all of this worthwhile, but im also kinda insecure about this .

But to clarify i use the terms "thesis" or "research" lightly. While yes ive done research, i dont plan to make this a formal thing when i post to tumblr and elsewhere, just to stay on the safe side. I guess I'll make this more of a blog where i discuss my thoughts and address concerns rather than dive into these super academic discussions.

I just want to encourage others to think critically about chakotays portrayal and possibly lay down a framework for his background story. I only intend to speak on things that i feel comfortable speaking on as a poc analyzing anither poc character and will avoid some indigenous specific perspectives.

so yeah school starts for me soon and i'm going to be hemmed up with that, but im excited becasue im taking some classes that will help me with the chakotay topics hehe.

thanks for listening to my yap session! Im almost done with the summarizing and hope to post a little bit soon :D

[sexboobomb]

if you're a cool trans person who lives near me and you reach out to me about it, chances are pretty damn high that im down for a meetup because i love meeting my people :3

UPDATE: added a “mutuals fucked” counter to my bio hehe

UPDATE: "Men DNI" or anything similar will get you blocked if your vibes seem indicative of transmisogyny or misandry to me.

Edit, because apparently it needs to be specified: I have no issue with "Men DNI", I have issue with misandry and transmisogyny. In my experience misandrists and TERFs almost always have "Men DNI" on their blogs, so I keep an eye out for it, but that does not mean I have any problem with people who simply aren't comfortable with men on their blogs just because that isn't the goal of their blog.

UPDATE: I will be adding many flavors of content to my reblogs instead of just liking them, some of it is bc I want to support the artists who make stuff I like, and some of it is bc I have decided that it's in no way shameful to (gasp) be attracted to stuff. Most active hornyposting and explicitly sexual content will stay on my sideblog, but if you continue following me then from this point on be aware that I will occasionally post things that may be suggestive, lewd, or downright explicit. I have also added the URL to my sideblog down below, for those interested.

Hi there >:3

You can call me VV. I’m 22, autistic, adhd, and transfem! I’m a polyamorous lesbian system (so far exclusively t4t, but I’m open :3). I live in Seattle, and as long as you aren’t a creep or weirdo I’m open to making friends! I am currently in wonderful relationships with @cynthjam, @thevicioushotdog, @anarcho--neptunism, @lucyvaleheart, @urjunebug, @emluckyowl, and another who doesn’t have tumblr :3

Trying to try new things and to be a bit more shameless, because I figure I should try to like myself as much as other people seem to. I’m still learning some of my limits, and breaking a few, so feel free to ask me all manner of things but don’t always expect an answer. I occasionally hornypost, but most of the more explicit stuff stays on my sideblog, girlcockgarage. Horny asks should also be directed to my sideblog if you want a serious answer. I may put the URL here eventually.

I may include more about my interests here in the future, but for right now I’ll stick to introductions. Check back later and I’ll probably have this updated!

Reblogging my stuff is not only appreciated, but actively encouraged! I enjoy very few things more than I enjoy sharing my interests with others, and reblogging helps me reach as many people as possible with that!

This one is a little bit unusual I'm sure, but for the time being I will not be interacting with any Picrew stuff such as Picrew rebog chains. I have nothing against Picrew, it just sets my dysphoria off more severely than damn near anything else. Wish it didn't but it does, so for now I have to avoid it.

I will block minors, creeps, bigots, or anyone who gives me those vibes even if not explicitly clear. Ageless blogs will be blocked, because I’m not taking any chances here.

[beesmygod]

i only read tumblr once a day because i [try] to stay sane so only just caught up with the art discourse, which I do have some bits n shit I want to add: a bit fasile for one but, dont you as an artist have upkeep and resource needs to produce? even if its just like...computer, tablet and necessities to continue existence because art takes time to make, those are real, and cost money. "art" in an absolute sense can be made for free with minimal time through just thinking, but like, a webcomic that is a physical thing made of electronic patterns and hosted on a server, takes time and takes stuff. "Webcomics" isnt a free infinitely repeating resource, and you are more than a machine to create webcomic, and none of us are infinite as a resource! at worst, art hits public domain eventually. that said even from that place of survival in capitalistic society it DOES make sense to at least have free public facing art as PROMOTION even if its just idk downtime sketches, doodles, memes, fanart etc so like im not 100% disagreeing yknow, and I am not and artists cant be a paying consumer my/their own art, art has to exist for the self too, the self that isnt a "paying class", or i just start making marvel movies and then its time to find my cool wet hole in the dirt and express my creative individuality like im a mathmatician of statistical analysis of fluid dynamics.

now that im awake i was going to answer these point by point, but this kind of flies past my point that making art exclusively for those who pay is abysmal and treating your audience like they're thieves is a poisonous and off-putting response to one's perceived "loss of income" (which is not even theft because the item being "stolen" can be reproduced infinitely. im talking about like a digital image like a comic page and not a physical item where there's limited copies lol). people either want to pay you or they dont; you can't force people to pay you by making access to your work harder, worse, more inconvenient, and more degrading to your audience. you can't induce artificial scarcity and be a good person.

like yeah obviously art production takes money. that's why most artists work desk jobs instead of trying to make it a solo venture and just expecting the world around them to pick up their slack. i didn't come out of a lotus blossom with a tablet ready to go, i worked desk jobs from age 15-24 in order to have enough savings to cushion myself if need be and pay for base supplies. i use tablets and items gifted/sold to me at a steep discount by my friends. i lived really poor in order to have the life i wanted. and i really loved it lol. i still think of that time so fondly.

once the comic is produced and posted, it is free for my audience to look at and the reproduction costs of the finished image is 0 dollars. it can be copied and reposted freely without charge. it costs me basically nothing to host. the production costs are currently covered by patreon donations. if they were no longer covered by patreon donations i would get a desk job instead of making my choice to go into the financially unsuccessful field of the arts my audience's personal problem to solve. if i don't make things people want to buy, that's my problem and not my audience's.

yeah, it would suck to have to stop doing this because its no longer financially viable (it is really financially hard right now; the state of the world around us is not conductive to the patreon life), but i wasn't entitled to it anyway. i get to make art for a living bc i have an audience that permits me to. why would i start treating them like dogshit or lying about value of my work to squeeze extra money out of them after what they gifted me?

[blushydiorrb]

blushydior

stop abandoning common sense for the law. simplify it & prioritize your mental health.

i love you guys. seriously. but no matter how many times we tell you how simple the law is, that everything and anything is possible, you still find some way to question the smallest things that don’t even matter.

“did you believe your affs?”, “did you affirm 24/7?”, “was it instant?”, “how long did it take?”, “but i feel like people still look the same even though they-“, “your success stories are fake and you know that the law isn’t all that”, “i’m really trying to believe in the law but i-“, “you’re avoiding my asks. are you sure the law-“, “please tell me the law is real, im-“

if you’re so logical, ask yourself if 200+ manifestation blogs would spend hours on long informational posts just to LIE? do you see the tip button? do you see that they plugged their venmo, paypal, kofi? offering coaching? do you think THOUSANDS of people would be on anon sending in success stories talking about how much they struggled and finally manifested their dreams? if you’ve been on tumblr long enough, you know that the likes to reblog ratio is insane, so don’t you think liars would be better off on tiktok or twitter?

i don’t think i’ve ever seen a community that devoted so much time into posts and answering many many long asks as much as loassumption tumblr. it’d be hard to still think it’s some kind of hoax after considering all that.

i know that all this logical thinking and anxiety stems from fear and all that we were taught growing up but it’s UP TO YOU whether or not, staying in one place, scared of the what if’s and failure is going to GET YOU WHERE YOU WANT. STEP. UP from your limitations. GAIN COURAGE. it’s now or never. literally what are you waiting for?

you know it makes sense. you know it’s possible. you know you don’t have to believe your affirmations. so it wouldn’t hurt to try the law even if you suspect it so much. what’s the worst that can happen by saying beneficial affirmations everyday?

i’m so happy that you discovered the law of assumption and the fact that you can live your dream life, my love but that won’t change if you worsen your mental health, reading so many posts a day when you know what to do. don’t just abandon common sense. if you know that your mental health is at risk but you’re constantly scrolling on your phone, beating yourself up for “not being able to manifest correctly” take a step back and reflect on your actions. don’t you see you’re only doing more damage?

with love, i advise you to take a step back, get off your phone, stop wallowing in the things you can control. take action to better yourself and take the time you need. take deep breaths and tell yourself everything is okay.

[ko-existing]

Yeah, I sent that message to Bry because she was the only one posting about these anons attacking you guys...as far as I'm concerned. I haven't been here in a while.

I don't really wanna private message anyone. Sophie can privately message you if she so desires.

Further, as far as Sophie and I discussed, like yeah...you guys just had different styles of sharing ideas. Sure we can all get butthurt sometimes. But, it wasn't anything personal, ultimately, a social media tiff lol. I imagine that post is deleted?

Does it really matter anymore? Do you expect Sophie to still be raging by a tiff?

Im not gonna say anymore, it's none of my business. But the anons sending so much hate: you guys need to stop and go within. Sophie wouldn't want this for y'all. Its deplorable behavior...her and ada are gone, rely on yourself...

[neutral but more confused tone]

I'm not sure what you discussed with her but dming me and agreeing about the "there is no ego, this post is limited" story on Instagram that was meant in a neutral way but then going to tumblr, switching and saying "you're speaking from the ego, i'm so disappointed, you sound jealous of her" and making it sound like I'm attacking Ada which I originally never did within 1-2hours which resulted in her devouted deciples living in my ask box since the very start of this account to now and never saying anything about it and sendings asks anonymously about topics only she could knew about from our IG dms which were personal, doesn't sound very "different styles of sharing ideas & nothing personal" to me. How can I be jealous of someone I don't know? I asked afterwards on IG who Ada is and people told me. That's the thing that confuses me here. How can I speak from something that doesn't exist fundamentally? They talked about ND/AV but contradicted themselves with ego-related posts and concepts. Pointing that out is not an attack. I never attacked Ada, I never even knew her to begin with but Sophie's reblog was the catalyst of everything else that followed to this day that blew everything out of proportion. She knew I wasn't attacking her because that's what I said in the audio back then on IG. Disagreeing with someone does not mean attacking them. She knew her followers were camping in our inbox (not just this account) for months and stayed silent and now says it wasn't anything actually? After she (Sophie) left for a reason her anons didn't know, people started blaming Chen for it and no one said a thing. A follower on IG sent me a message asking what my opinion of this post is, i replied and AFTER i found out it's from tumblr, i made an account too. Another thing is, I don't fully understand why you operate as a middleman for her. You said in Bry's message that Anons should stop speaking for her, but aren't you speaking for her or in her name anonymously too? I'm not angry, just confused as to what exactly she told you and why it clashes with the actual situation and the reactions of it

[growandrecover]

hi,

im really scared bc im officially ✨overweight✨ and my ed has just been #triggered. any tips on how to avoid relapse?

Hey, anon.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm really proud of you for reaching out and actively trying to avoid relapse. That's wonderful.

First up, if you can, stop weighing yourself, measuring, body checking, or anything else you may be doing. Your weight does not say anything about you. Absolutely nothing. If you're concerned about your BMI specifically (which I know a lot of people with eds get caught up in), it's all a bunch of garbage. It was made based off of cis white men, and does not take muscle mass into consideration. Even if you happen to be a white amab person, it's still a joke. If you can't stop completely, try to limit what you're doing.

Next, please make sure you're eating all your meals and snacks. My therapist has told me to do this, and I'm passing along the information to you guys. If you have to, set a schedule for yourself and stick to it with the best of your ability.

If you're someone who used exercise to lose weight in the past/if you exercise currently, you may want to lay off that until you're in a better headspace. Going along with this, if you wear a Fitbit or Apple Watch of any kind, taking it off may help avoiding triggers like your daily step count, calories burned, and your other exercise levels. I wore one for almost a year and took it off a few months ago. Surprisingly enough, my quick dips back into some of my ed behaviors have stopped. I finally realized that those triggers sitting on my wrist 24/7 had been messing with my head.

If you're able to/not already, get an adequate amount of sleep. I think we all know what happens when we stay up too late, letting our minds wander into our ed thoughts in the middle of the night. Low levels of sleep interfere with our mental health, which, in times like these, needs to be extra nurtured.

Try to look at it from someone else's point of view. If someone you knew came to you with this exact problem, what would you say? Would you want them to be kind to their body, to fuel it, and to take care of it? Probably, right? Or if that's hard for you to say to yourself, wouldn't you just want them to be free of their eating disorder?

This is pretty harsh, but your ed is trying to hurt you. It's trying to kill you. Whatever it needs to say to get you to engage in those behaviors, it will. It'll tell you that you're not as [adjective of your choice] or [another adjective of your choice] when you weigh more than you have in the past, but that's simply not true. As I said earlier, your weight is just a number. You deserve recovery. You deserve happiness. You deserve a life free of food rules and that nasty voice in your head.

If you're scared, I'm here to tell you: your ed will not fix anything. Losing weight will not fix the idea of yourself you have in your head, and won't make you magically like your body more. It wants you to think it will, but it won't. It only makes your life worse.

Something that helps me is looking at recovery posts on Pinterest or Tumblr. I love being able to see other people's thoughts and encouragement. It always inspires me to keep going, and I hope it'll do the same for you, too.

Whatever it is that triggered you is not worth all the pain and suffering that comes with an ed. I don't care if it was something somebody said or just a thought you had. Nothing is worth going back to your ed.

You can do this. I believe in you.

I really hope this was at least a little bit helpful, and I hope you're okay, anon. If you're not right now, you will be.

If I missed something, or you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message! ♡

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...

(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....

also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.

i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.

i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....

i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.

(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)

sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

liz 🫶🏽🫶🏽 i understand why you're thinking abt leaving, but i have reasons why you shouldnt. i really hope this brings back some of your faith in us, bc i havent really done much to keep it 🙏🙏🙏

you're VERY talented.

i feel like there's not much to elaborate on this? like, i've been stalking a few of my (now mutual) amazing fic writers and artists for a while, even before i got an official account, but you've always been one of the first.

2. you're inspiring to ALL.

one of the first leon fics that i ever read were one of yours. back when i first got on here, your account was recommended to me first, and im so so so glad that it was. you were someone that wrote leon, and the further i delved, the more i realized that you were really talented, not just a horny teenager looking to get likes. you were ACTUALLY WRITING. and that's so so inspiring because let's be fr, who does that anymore? ik for a fact that a lack of likes gets me discouraged (but that might be my praise kink yapping)

3. your fic ideas are so creative AUGH

honestly? sometimes i wish i could go back in time and just... think of that idea first, because they are always stunning. especially your cool mom's countdown, that had me enamored. i looked up to you and thought, if she could brush herself off and get up, write this and still manage her life outside of writing, i could at least try, right? so i have you and a multitude of others to thank for this, but you for being my first inspiration on here.

4. you're very mature about everything.

in the sense that personally i would freak any time i get anon hate in my inbox, you handle things very well, like a cool older sister (not the one that gets in fights and gets expelled, but the one that's calm and calculating. i've always seen you like that, not an insult, but a compliment <3) having an online presence is hard when people hate on you, and i'd just like to say one more thing

5. you are NOT unoriginal.

i have no idea where the fuck those asks are coming from, saying that ur unoriginal and that ur dialogue is repeated, because it's not???? everything you write is well thought out and precise, even if you hadn’t meant it to come across that way. not to mention that ur blog is one of the very few that i’ve seen that actually has a set theme, in this case, the music! the demos, the singles; a lot of work went into it, and i dont know why the fuck people aren’t appreciating it and instead hating, but lets end on a good note, which brings me to

6. we respect your decision.

this is not to get you to change your mind, please never think of this that way. i’ll completely understand if you still want to go through with becoming an archive idea, because that is always up to you and don’t ever feel pressured to do something you don’t want to. this is more of a response to the hate that you’re getting for no reason, and also just because i feel like i haven't really been showing up, as of late? i’ll always look up to you, no matter what you choose <3

ily!! made my day with this one, sweetheart (i didn't see a name on your blog, so i hope that's an okay name for you)

people like you make me want to stay (and i'm never going to stop writing, i've been in love with writing since long before tumblr), but if i stop posting/post less, we can always chat in the dms/discord :)

the horny teen thing made me laugh bc i was a melodramatic hopeless romantic teen who wrote poetry during class - for better or worse, i feel like poetry being my introduction to writing (and ultimately, what i like most/think i'm best at) shows in the way i write fic sometimes?

i'm happy to hear that you find my fic ideas original because i feel like my creativity/imagination is limited, especially when i'm not into AU's and such (i'm so stuck on making characters not OOC). i feel like this is different from a lot of writers but brainstorming and plotting is my least favorite part of writing, like i love the actual writing things down part and even the editing sometimes! this is such a random side note but i always see posts about people being like "i have an idea but i don't want to write it out" and i'm like omg pls feed me the idea, i would love to write it!

(also, i don't really have a life outside of writing at least atm... which definitely contributes to my whole emotional state rn)

i don't think i've ever been called mature before lol! i'm glad it seems like i'm handling things right but ik it's probably best to ignore anons, i'm just the type of person who won't start fights but won't back down from them either? i also think a lot of the people are easy to clown on lol

the older sister comment makes me want to cry, genuinely bc i am an older sister in real life (to my brother, who is my favorite person in the world) but i've been writing and thinking a lot about how i wish i could go back in time and be my own big sister (not to get too deep, but i wish i could hug baby me :( )

the funny thing about my theme is that i actually feel like it's v disorganized (tho i love maximalism and color and it is v me, plus i had to do a disco theme for miss oranje)

if i did quit this blog, which i doubt i will entirely bc i still want to support other people even if i post less of my own stuff, i would definitely leave it as an archive or leave some way for people to read my fics because I HATE when authors delete their fics, like i totally get orphaning a work on ao3 if that's something you want to do but as much as i don't like some of my older fics and might do a revised version of not old enough in the future, ik that there's probably someone out there who loves that fic and would be sad if it was gone

btw i am trying not to cry bc i'm in the same room as my dad and it would be awkward but "i look up to you" is quite possibly the biggest compliment i've ever received, like that means a lot to me because i struggle with the idea that younger me wouldn't like me now so the fact that someone else finds me worth looking up to for any reason at all makes my heart cry tears of joy

also, you have absolutely been here for me, like every reblog/comment on my fic makes me so happy, and ik a lot of people don't have the time to leave comments and such so it makes my heart smile knowing that you put in that time and care!

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Hey, uhm i notice the last post.. sorry i didn't know you need feedback about your work :(.. I thought tha you were focus on your break and didn't want to bother you with what i think about the story.. so i didn't log in for a little while because the purpose this app was here was just logging in to see the anons asked about your work and stuff and maybe liking the ask about it.. and the talks about goldencheesecookie..

So if you like to have my feedback, i'll give it to you so don't be sad :D..

At first, I was happy at how things changed and you know? reader's happy and everyone happy.. But the thing that i didn't like, is leaving the kingdom after all that.. All that mess, all that suffering.. and the brutal backstabs only for reader to go out again?.. that kinda hit me in the guts.. I know that reader is trying to be benovelent and kind or had that kind of nature just not showing it in the past, but thats to much.. Reader see themself to the new outsider but that is to much to just leave.. leave so imeadiately after months of just staying... Meeting an outsider you just mer and go out of the kingdom that you tried so hard to protect, to be apart off, to be near her... to be her subjects also? its just hurt to leave yk.. I dont know.. im sorry if my feedback hurts you :(

and another one that is the most positive thing i want to say.. Reader having the time to talk to Her Radiance about what they wanted and how grateful they are.. makes me so happy that they can say anything that they wanted deep down without getting shame and timid. It made me a little emotional yk?... Its been months and all that waiting.. I didn't knew time pass so quickly that its reaching its end so quickly.. Golden cheese is very confident as always, but more loving and touching then the pass chapters.. Makes me wonder what it feels to get hug by her light and everything... Her hugs are warmth maybe?.. makes you feel like you're in cloud9 and feel so loved.. Im happy that i get to even read near the end of the story, that you even continue to write it..

I Remember your notes after all, that you just want to give up, tired.. exhausted because of the long plot you have to do.. and i appreciate that, i reallly do, you dedication of the things that you want in your story that you want it to be perfect.. I keep remembering and being worried, maybe she isnt feeling so good right now, maybe i should ask about her health and talk about a month break.. yeah i was the anon who asked you to take a break because i was getting worried that you were exhausting yourself just for us.. But im happy you aren't and was taking a break!... Dont tire yourself for us to much.. or exhaust you're energy writing and staring at the screen all day, just a hopeful reminder that you aren't overdosing yourself..

If the anons are writing weird ask about you and the story, just block them okay? :) if they make you uncomfortable.. just block them..♥️

So yeah, thats what i just wanted to say for what i've read.. Cool thing that Smoked cheese gor our stuff all along :O♥️

P-please don't worry about me....When I talk about how I struggle with writing this sometimes, it doesn't mean I don't wanna write. I DO wanna write, and I DO wanna finish this....Whenever I take a break, it only lasts a couple days before I-I hate myself for doing things other than writing....I-I DID take a break, but a small one, and even if it doesn't sound good, trust me, it is....I-I don't wanna spend too much time away from this. So, trust me, I'm fine. I know my limits, and how hard to push myself. I'm not overworked at all, I have a schedule, and....I-I wanna do this. I'm ENJOYING putting out these chapters....Th-thank you for trying to be considerate of me, tho! ^^

(Oh, and me stressing over the lack of comments is not ALL on you anons on Tumblr, so don't blame yourself! It also has to do with AO3, y'see, I have a couple regular commenters over there that haven't said anything about the new chapter, and they've been around longer, so....y-yeah, everything's fine, trust me! >__<)

Y-yeah, not liking the ending of the chapter is completely valid....b-but, I'm setting things up for the next one, OK? Everything's gonna make sense once that's done! You'll see why I did it this way! S-so, don't jump to conclusions juuuuust yet.....! I-I hope I still did a good enough job making it believable, tho.....Making Reader feel like they had no other choice but to make the choice they made....I also tried to lift their spirits as well, and to end on a hopeful note, so people will actually wanna see what happens next rather than be like "Why the heck did you end it like that" at me, pfffffff.....XD

But, yeah, I'm still sorry....I-I'm glad you enjoyed parts of the chapter regardless, tho....! And thank you for trying to be respectful of me....You're really too kind, and I don't deserve it, heheh....

[abyssvi-blog]

Real and blunt VENTING POST. honest feelings about my void journey: TRIGGER WARNING. Extreme negativity, mentions of abuse and sexual assault.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I haven’t gotten into the void state still. I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed and disappointed in myself right now. I’m so sick of my life and I want to enter by the end of December. I’m still determined to get there though.

I can’t stand my abusive father. I just want to grab everything I own into a bag and run away again.

People ask me in DMs what my reason is and it’s due to previous sexual assaults, family issues and my reputation being damaged by previous friends in real life.

I am in my mid 20s. I do not have a job because I could not graduate college. I clean up after my father all day because of his dementia and abusive behavior because my own mother is too old and busy. I literally have to fucking WIPE HIS ASS cause he’s too fat and lazy to do it himself. I cook, clean up after him all the time and he never appreciates it. Instead I get hit or called a nasty name. I shit you not.

All my friends in real life has left me and I legit only have $500 in my bank account right now which is pathetic. Why you ask? I had to use my money for my dad’s bills.

I am applying for as many jobs as possible to get money to at least move out. I’m doing my best to help my mom but business is bad right now. We take turns taking care of my father but we both don’t want to do it. My own parents have once kicked me out before due to an argument. But I didn’t have anywhere else to go in the end so I came crawling back like a dumb puppy.

I have been on tumblr for a few years now. I’ve known about the void state for a long long time as you all can see. Im more than aware that the void is a part of us.

I was:

- listening to subliminals all day, reading the comments and feeling upset at how fast people entered.

- reading success stories and feeling happy for them but still jealous deep down.

- trying every binaural beat, meditation known to man.

- getting upset over drama in Tumblr with fake void state bloggers and some even charging $300 for affirmation tapes

- lying in bed all day to enter the void state then getting upset that nothing happens so I turn around to sleep

Before anyone tells me that I’m not trying “hard enough” and that “I’m not trying in the slightest to stay positive,” that I should try this and that…

Dude. I’m legit at my limit. Don’t you all think that I know people have done it before in horrible circumstances? Don’t you all think that I haven’t tried?

I’m doing my best to stay positive but it’s definitely now toxic positivity and I seriously need to vent. I’m fucking sorry for the extreme negativity. I see posts about how the void state is so easy and we all enter it but I just cry. Like if it’s easy, then why is it taking me this long? Just who the fuck did I piss off

I have never been incredibly disappointed in myself. I’m writing this because I can deeply relate to all of you. As a struggler, it’s insanely discouraging.

[halfusek]

Imma be honest with you, before BATDR came out, you literally held this fandom together with bandaids and stick glue. 2019-2022 was basically the dry age of Bendy content

haha thanks i tried my best

i Do enjoy being in a fandom, i've always looked up to the danny phantom phandom a lot cause the vibes there are just fantastic, there's a lot of things going on, people have many interactions with each other, so i wanted to try to introduce that to the batim fandom and i'd like to think that i sorta did

i know that it is a popular opinion to not engage with a large portion of the fandom but instead just grab a few friends and sit in a corner with them but like

engaging with a bigger portion of the fandom every now and then can be SO fun and give people an opportunity to meet other people and idk

fandoms are communities of people just united by liking A Thing so it can be challenging to make a space for many people to get along but i dont recall any super serious only fandom related dramas in batim?? weirdos are in every fandom and you just blast their asses into oblivion with a block button

and there have been cases when i felt kinda bad for blocking someone because that meant i'd exclude them from something i wanted to think of as a fandom-wide event for everyone who would obey it's rules but that's where this outlook on curating your experience into a smaller circle is very much the way to go lol

wait what am i talking about

aha yea 2019-2022 everything fucking DIED here but i was having a blast drawing my comic and also a lot of people who were into the sides of batim i was into mainly (the human characters) stayed around more than everyone else and it was really chill, i've met a lot of people and made many friendships :)

as the fandom was getting smaller there was a noticable drop in the amount of notes batim related posts were getting which is a very big symptom of a fandom dying but i think at some point it sorta stabilized who stayed there after batdr was delayed and delayed

i reblog and tag more than an usual tumblr user (when im active cuz sometimes i can not reblog anything for months because im busy lol) and that didnt start without a reason, it sure is a habit now and i really enjoy doing it, letting people know what i think about their stuff and putting nice things on display for others to see

reblogs are not just crucial for singular artists but also for fandoms as a whole, thats how you keep that train rollin

though here is a sad thing that many many artists dont reblog a lot, or reblog to their sideblogs that arent followed by nearly as many people as their main blogs

and thats like understandable, im the weirdo who puts a whole mess of many posts on my main but i think thats also the most effective way to help other people get traction and i never see this mentioned when people complain that tumblr users dont reblog as much stuff as they like

its even kinda funny to me when people complain about their stuff not getting reblogged when they dont reblog others stuff themselves at all xD though there is a bit of cyanide in that thought heheh

on the other hand reblogging doesnt work on stuff that i could see from other people: the stuff i reblog i get from browsing the bendy and the ink machine tag sorted by new + sometimes when i bored i scroll through my dash and reblog some random things but i follow 2k people so i dont really see any individuals art specifically, just a collection of random posts that i am able to scroll through in a few minutes (and every minute theres a bunch of new posts posted/reblogged by those i follow)

and that can take a long time! if ive been busy for months then scrolling through a few months worth of stuff people around the world made for bendy is so bad even on a beefy computer that it just pushes tumblr to its limits and takes HOURS to reblog and tag for me, and then i might even hit the daily post limit and have to continue tomorrow

but i enjoy doing this, bendy is my fixation after all and i fucking love art and what people can create for this thing that i like i soooooo desire to see it all

and i try to reblog as much as possible, though i dont obviously reblog *everything* from the tag, sometimes i just give a like or i just dont like the thing cuz its not in my liking and thats it

but i did make it a thing that during ink demonth i reblog all entries for the event no matter what my opinion of them is just to give some of that Exposure TM because hey maybe some of my followers Will like it

i dont run a super duper popular blog but there is a bunch of yall there and i think me reblogging something in this fandom at least may give a litol boost to the notes on a post

and its always fun to see peoples reactions that dont expect me to reblog from them but then i do and they freak out a little, i think i love it on the same level as getting comments on my own art :) its super wholesome

man by writing this post im procrastinating on something but fdnjkfdfd

but anyway thank you!! and im glad you think so because i did try to accomplish that :D

[invinciblerodent]

Honestly i want to start playing DAO and then go up by release from there till the new one cause it all looks so nice and enjoyable but i haven't even started and i keep hearing about the fandom being the worst of the worst and people actually got truamtized from it im genuinely scared... Im only so new to this gaming fandom thing it started with bg3 and sims 4 and stardew valley for me lol everytime i want to install DAO Tumblr shows me a post about the toxicity of the fandom like its fate herself trying to warn me not to go there lmao

Oh babe, don't worry, really!!!! I'm sorry if I made it sound bad earlier lol, it's... well, it's no worse than regular fandom drama I reckon, it's just the one I'm familiar with, and one that's been around a very, very, very long time. The kind of toxicity there is, I genuinely do not think it is any worse than any other fandom's, it's just kind of what happens to every petri dish if you leave it alone for ten years: turns into something of a meme. But if you follow nice people, and stay out of the tags (as is recommended for every fandom tbh), I don't think you have anything specific to worry about.

I'd be DELIGHTED to see more people feel inspired to pick up Origins, partly because I'm a huge believer of art preservation, and think that old games, old books, and old movies alike deserve to be seen/read/played and enjoyed- in part to be able to appreciate what we have now, in part to see where exactly we came from, and in part to see how things have changed. I think that kind of context is necessary for any meaningful commentary to exist.

DAO is an excellent game, despite what people may say- it's just like 15 years old. Naturally, over that time, it has started to show its age: jokes have aged poorly, mechanics feel dated, people and views have mutated and evolved (nobody is the same person in 2024 that they were in 2009, or at least I hope), and the surrounding social environment as well as the technology have changed drastically, to the point that what was once scandalous and a bold, daring move, now just feels dated, stuck in the past, or even offensive. Media that is already out there does not have the luxury of being able to change and adapt as time passes, and I think we need to keep that in mind.

(Edit: adding a paragraph here because the previous one sounded very apologetic and negative: the cinematics in particular still feel intimately real in DAO, its treatment of the ambient and the limited tools it had is still very immersive, and the writing is very strong. I also remember blushing my way through flirting with Leliana that the first time [as a closeted bi woman who hadn't even realized that she's bi at the time], I remember feeling lost, and vulnerable, and terrified at certain parts, and elated, excited, joyful at others. And I really want everyone to be able to feel like that, and also gain the kind of insight they need to be able to see how far gaming as a genre had come.)

I honestly hope you do end up picking it up, because despite its age, it's still one of my absolute favorite games, and one of the stories that made me fall in love with RPGs, and games in general. I still vividly remember the first time I played it, when I was like 18 (which was 12 years ago at this point), and how it broadened my horizons, because until then, I kinda thought that games were either like the Sims, or like.... idk, first person shooters, not these big, sweeping, immersive stories you can get lost in.

I LOVE these games- I feel like that much is clear, lol. I just don't love the people who insist that there is one right way to love them.

I don't want to turn off anon for exactly messages like yours, but honestly, I do recommend to everyone who is at all concerned to do just that, to block liberally, and control their experience of engaging with the games as harshly or as leniently as they like.

It'll be fine. There will likely be an influx of new people picking the series up for the first time (just like there was with BG3) (though lbr, there will probably be a lot of people FORGETTING that the series is 15 years old but I hope they'll keep an open mind), we'll get a much-needed blood transfusion with people like you, and I genuinely hope that you'll have a very nice experience overall. ❤️

........

Also maybe save my favorite reaction image from ten years ago, and use it liberally. I know I'm gonna: