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patience being tested. being forced by a bizarre unfortunate situation to adhere to university requirement technicality by taking this simple basic elementary "introduction to environmental history" class.
this class is from facilitators/program which do, like, "history of the American frontier" or "history of fishing and hunting" and still basically subscribe to that old-school twentieth-century idealization and celebration of characters like Teddy Roosevelt and reverence for a mythical arc-of-history-bent-towards-justice narrative of the often-clumsy but ultimately-benevolent US federal government and its mission to "save nature" through the miracle of "sustained yield," while heroic federal land management agencies and "heritage" institutions lead to way, staffed by exceptional individuals (appeals to nostalgia for the frontier and an imagined landscape of the American West; ego-stroking appeals to flattering self-image that center the environmentalist or academic). where they invoke, y'know, ideas like "ecology is important because don't you enjoy cross-country skiing in The Woods with your niece and nephew? don't you like hunting and fishing?" which makes it feel like a time capsule of appeals and discourses from the 1970s. and it invokes concept of "untouched wilderness" (while eliding scale of historical Indigenous environmental relationships and current ongoing colonial violence/extractivism). but just ever-so-slightly updated with a little bit of chic twenty-first-century flair like a superficial land acknowledgement or a reference to "labor histories" or "history from below," which is extra aggravating when the old ideologies/institutions are still in power but they're muddying the water and diluting the language/frameworks (it's been strange, watching words like "multispecies" and "Anthropocene" over the years slowly but surely show-up on the posters, fliers, course descriptions, by now even appearing adjacent to the agri-business and resource extraction feeder programs, like a recuperation or appropriation.) even from a humanities angle, it's still, they're talking at me like "You probably didn't know this, but environmental history is actually pretty entangled with political and social events. In fact, we can synthesize sources and glean environmental info from wacky places like workers' rolls in factories, ship's logs, and poetry from the era." and i'm nodding like YEP.
the first homework assignment is respond to this: "Define and describe 'the Anthropocene'. Do you think 'the Anthropocene' is a useful concept? Why or why not?" Respond in 300 words.
so for fun, right now in class, going to see how fast i can pull up discussion of Anthropocene-as-concept solely from my old posts on this microblogging site.
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ok, found some
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I think that the danger in any universal narrative or epoch or principle is exactly that it can itself become a colonizing force. [...] I’m suspicious of the Anthropocene as concept for the very reason that it subsumes so many peoples, nations, histories, geographies, political orders. For that reason, I think ideas like the Anthropocene can be a useful short-hand for a cluster of tangible things going on with the Earth at the moment, but we have to be very careful about how fluid and dynamic ideas become concretized into hegemonic principles in the hands of researchers, policymakers, and politicians. There’s so much diversity in histories and experiences and environmental realities even between relatively linked geographies here in Canada [...]. Imagine what happens when we try to do that on a global scale - and a lot of euro-western Anthropocene, climate change and resilience research risks doing that - eliding local specificities and appropriating knowledge to serve a broader euro-western narrative without attending to the inherent colonial and imperial realities of science and policy processes, or even attending to the ways that colonial capitalist expansion has created these environmental crises to begin with. While we, as a collective humanity, are struggling with the realities of the Anthropocene, it is dangerous to erase the specific histories, power-relations, political orders that created the crisis to begin with. So, I’m glad that a robust critique of the Anthropocene as a concept is emerging.
Text by: Words of Zoe Todd, as interviewed and transcribed by Caroline Picard. “The Future is Elastic (But it Depends): An Interview with Zoe Todd.” 23 August 2016.
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The Great Acceleration is the latest in a series of human-driven planetary changes that constitute what a rising chorus of scientists, social scientists, and humanists have labeled the Anthropocene - a new Age of Humans. [...] But what the Anthropocene label masks, and what the litany of graphs documenting the Great Acceleration hide, is a history of racial oppression and violence, along with wealth inequality, that has built and sustained engines of economic growth and consumption over the last four centuries. [...] The plantation, Sidney Mintz long ago observed, was a “synthesis of field and factory,” an agro-industrial system of enterprise [...]. Plantation legacies, along with accompanying strategies of survival and resistance, dwell in the racialized geographies of the United States’ and Brazil’s prison systems. They surface in the inequitable toxic burdens experienced by impoverished communities of color in places like Cancer Alley, an industrial corridor of petrochemical plants running along the Mississippi River from New Orleans to Baton Rouge, where cotton was once king. And they appear in patterns of foreign direct investment and debt servitude that structure many land deals in the Caribbean, Brazil, and sub-Saharan Africa [...]. [C]limatologists and global change scientists from the University of London, propose instead 1610 as a date for the golden spike of the Anthropocene. The date marked a detectable global dip in carbon dioxide concentrations, precipitated, they argue, by the death of nearly 50 million indigenous human inhabitants [...]. The degradation of soils in the tobacco and cotton-growing regions in the American South, or in the sugarcane growing fields of many Caribbean islands, for example, was a consequence of an economic and social system that inflicted violence upon the land and the people enslaved to work it. Such violent histories are not so readily evident in genealogies that date the Anthropocene’s emergence to the Neolithic Revolution 12,000 years ago, the onset of Europe’s industrial revolution circa 1800, or the Trinity nuclear test of 1945. Sugarcane plantations were already prevalent throughout the Mediterranean basin during the late middle ages. But it was during the early modern era, and specifically in the Caribbean, where the intersection of emerging proto-capitalist economic models based on migratory forced labor (first indentured servitude, and later slavery), intensive land usage, globalized commerce, and colonial regimes sustained on the basis of relentless racialized violence, gave rise to the transformative models of plantations that reshaped the lives and livelihoods of human and non-human beings on a planetary scale. [...] We might, following the lead of science studies scholar Donna Haraway and anthropologist Anna Tsing, more aptly designate this era the Plantationocene. [...] It is also an invitation to see, in the words of geographer Laura Pulido, “the Anthropocene as a racial process,” one that has and will continue to produce “racially uneven vulnerability and death." [...] And how have such material transformations sustained global flows of knowledge and capital that continue to reproduce the plantation in enduring ways?
Text by: Sophie Sapp Moore, Monique Allewaert, Pablo F. Gomez, and Gregg Mitman. "Plantation Legacies." Edge Effects. 22 January 2019. Updated 15 May 2021. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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Geologists and other scientists will fight over [the definition of the beginning start-date of the Anthropocene] in scientific language, seeking traces of carbon dioxide that index the worst offenses of European empire which rent and violated the flesh, bodies, and governance structures of Indigenous and other sovereign peoples in the name of gold, lumber, trade, land, and power. [...] The stories we tell about the origins of the Anthropocene implicate how we understand the relations we have with our surrounds. In other words, the naming of the Anthropocene epoch and its start date have implications not just for how we understand the world, but this understanding will have material consequences, consequences that affect body and land.
Text by: Heather Davis and Zoe Todd. On the Importance of a Date, or Decolonizing the Anthropocene. ACME An International Journal for Critical Geographies. December 2017. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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From Aime and Suzanne Cesaire, C. L. R. James, Claudia Jones, Eduoard Glissant, through Sylvia Wynter, Christina Sharpe, and so many others, critical anticolonial and race theory has been written from the specific histories that marked the Black Atlantic. [...] Glissant also reminds us, secondly, of how cunning the absorptive powers of [...] liberal capitalism are - how quickly specific relations are remade as relations-erasing universal abstractions. [...] This absorptive, relations-erasing universalism is especially apparent in some contemporary discourses of […] liberalism and climate collapse - what some call the Anthropocene - especially those that anchor the crisis in a general Human calamity which, as Sylvia Wynter has noted, is merely the name of an overdetermined and specific [White] European man. […] [T]he condition of creating this new common European world was the destruction of a multitude of existing black and brown worlds. The tsunami of colonialism was not seen as affecting humanity, but [...] these specific people. They were specific - what happened to them may have been necessary, regrettable, intentional, accidental - but it is always them. It is only when these ancestral histories became present for some, for those who had long benefitted from the dispossession [...], that suddenly the problem is all of us, as human catastrophe.
Text by: Elizabeth Povinelli. “The Ancestral Present of Oceanic Illusions: Connected and Differentiated in Late Toxic Liberalism.” e-flux Journal Issue #112. October 2020.
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The narrative arc [of White "liberal humanism"] [...] is often told as a kind of European coming-of-age story. […] The Anthropocene discourse follows the same coming-of-age [...] script, searching for a material origin story that would explain the newly identified trajectory of the Anthropos […]. Sylvia Wynter, W.E.B. DuBois, and Achille Mbembe all showed how that genealogy of [White subjecthood] was [...] articulated through sixteenth- through nineteenth-century [historiographies and discourses] in the context of colonialism, [...] as well as forming the material praxis of their rearrangement (through mining, ecological rearrangements and extractions, and forms of geologic displacements such as plantations, dams, fertilizers, crops, and introduction of “alien” animals). […] As Wynter (2000) commented, “The degradation of concrete humans, that was/is the price of empire, of the kind of [Eurocentric epistemology] that underlies it” (154).
Text by: Kathryn Yusoff. “The Inhumanities.” Annals of the American Association of Geographers, Volume 11, Issue 3. November 2020.
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As Yarimar Bonilla suggests in regard to post-Irma-and-Maria Puerto Rico, “vulnerability is not simply a product of natural conditions; it is a political state and a colonial condition.” Many in the Caribbean therefore speak about the coloniality of disaster, and the unnaturalness of these “natural” disasters [...]. Others describe this temporality by shifting [...] toward an idea of the Plantationocene [...]. As Moore and her colleagues write, “Plantation worlds, both past and present, offer a powerful reminder that environmental problems cannot be decoupled from histories of colonialism, capitalism, and racism that have made some human beings more vulnerable [...].” [W]e see that contemporary uneven socioecologies associated with the rise of the industrial world ["the Anthropocene"] are based [...] also on the racialized denial and foreshortening of life for the sacrificial majority of black, brown, and Indigenous people and their relegation to the “sacrifice zones” of extractive industry. [...] [A]ny appropriate response to the contemporary climate emergency must first appreciate its foundations in the past history of the violent, coercive, transatlantic system of plantation slavery; in the present global uneven development, antiblackness, and border regimes that shape human vulnerability [...] that continues to influence who has access to resources, safety, and preferable ecologies [...] and who will be relegated to the “plantation archipelagoes” (as Sylvia Wynter called them) [...].
Text by: Mimi Sheller. “Thinking Beyond Coloniality: Toward Radical Caribbean Futures.” Small Axe (2021), 25 (2 (65)), pages 169-170. Published 1 July 2021. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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Indigenous genocide and removal from land and enslavement are prerequisites for power becoming operationalized in premodernity [...]; it was/is a means to operationalize extraction (therefore race should be considered as foundational rather than as periphery to the production of those structures and of global space). [...] Wynter suggests that we […] consider 1452 as the beginning of the New World, as African slaves are put to work on the first plantations on the Portuguese island of Madeira, initiating the “sugar-slave” complex - a massive replantation of ecologies and forced relocation of people […]. Wynter argues that the invention of the figure of Man in 1492 as the Portuguese [and Spanish] travel to the Americas instigates at the same time “a refiguring of humanness” in the idea of race. [...] The natal moment of the 1800 Industrial Revolution, […] [apparently] locates Anthropocene origination in […] the "new" metabolisms of technology and matter enabled by the combination of fossil fuels, new engines, and the world as market. […] The racialization of epistemologies of life and nonlife is important to note here […]. While [this industrialization in the nineteenth century] […] undoubtedly transformed the atmosphere with […] coal, the creation of another kind of weather had already established its salient forms in the mine and on the plantation. Paying attention to the prehistory of capital and its bodily labor, both within coal cultures and on plantations that literally put “sugar in the bowl” (as Nina Simone sings) […]. The new modes of material accumulation and production in the Industrial Revolution are relational to and dependent on their preproductive forms in slavery […]. In 1833, Parliament finally abolished slavery in the British Caribbean, and the taxpayer payout of £20 million in “compensation” [paid by the government to slave owners for their lost "property"] built the material, geophysical (railways, mines, factories), and imperial infrastructures of Britain and its colonial enterprises and empire. [...] A significant proportion of funds were invested in the railway system connecting London and Birmingham (home of cotton production and […] manufacturing for plantations), Cambridge and Oxford, and Wales and the Midlands (for coal). Insurance companies flourished [...]. The slave-sugar-coal nexus both substantially enriched Britain and made it possible for it to transition into a colonial industrialized power […]. The slave trade […] fashioned the economic conditions (and institutions, such as the insurance and finance industries) for industrialization.
Text by: Kathryn Yusoff. "White Utopia/Black Inferno: Life on a Geologic Spike". e-flux Journal Issue #97. February 2019. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
#sorry for being mean#instructor makes podcasts about cowboys HELP ME#and he recently won a New Business award for his startup magazine covering Democrat party politics in local area HELP#so hes constantly performing this like dance between new hip beerfest winebar coolness and oldfashioned masculinity#but hes in charge of the certificate program so i have to just shut up and keep my head down for approximately one year#his email address is almost identical to mine and invokes enviro history terms but i made mine long before when i was ten years old#so i could log in to fieldherpforum dot com to talk about enviro history of distribution range changes in local reptiles and amphibians#sir if you read my blog then i apologize ive had a long year#and i cant do anything to escape i am disabled i am constantly sick im working fulltime i have NO family i have NO resources#i took all of this schools graduate level enviro history courses and seminars years ago and ran the geography and enviro hist club#but then left in final semester because sudden hospitalization and crippled and disabled which led to homelessness#which means that as far as any profession or school is concerned im nobody im a retail employee#i was doing conference paper revisions while sleeping on concrete vomiting walking around on my cane to find outdoor wifi#and im not kidding the MONTH i got back into a house and was like ok going back to finish the semester the school had#put my whole degree program and department in moratorium from lack of funding#and so required starting some stuff from scratch and now feel like a hostage with debt or worsening health that could pounce any moment#to even get back in current program i was working sixteen hours a day to pay old library fines and had to delicately back out of workplace#where manager was straight up violently physically abusive to her vulnerable employees and threatened retaliation#like an emotional torturer the likes of which i thought existed only in cartoons#and the week i filed for student aid a massive storm had knocked out electricity for days and i was clearing fallen tree debris#and then sitting in the dark in my room between job shifts no music no phone no food with my fingers crossed and i consider it a miracle#sorry dont mean to dramatize or draw attention to myself#so actually im happy you and i are alive
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i understand being grossed out by the confirmation that hugh jackman fully cheated on his wife with his coworker but y’all are being absolutely insane over this whole thing. if you’re out there grieving over a man you don’t know (and who is VERY MUCH ALIVE) i think you need to step back a little and maybe see a therapist to work things out and fix the way you’re letting a parasocial relationship take over your life like this 💀
#hugh jackman#i’ve seen some INSANE posts on here like i’m LITERALLY concerned for some of y’alls mental health/stability#it’s NOT normal to start whole ass conspiracy theories about his relationship and how she’s either a beard or he’s doing this to cover up#the blake lively scandal. i cannot press this enough this is NOT normal please see someone about this because holy fuck LMAO#i don’t understand how y’all are so surprised about it given the way he acts around women in interviews/in general LMAO he’s kissed and#touched other women multiple times unnecessarily during interviews lol#i think it was obvious from the start that he is Not a one woman man#don’t let questionable men trick you into defending them just because they’re attractive!#i’ve seen people deleting their entire blogs because they’re upset he’s dating someone which is delusional as fuck l
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Season 8 is so cold, does anyone know what I mean. It's so gray, where's the warm lighting. I need yellow. Everything is so dead, it's such a lonely vibe where IS EVERYONE.
#i was technically prepared for this#no i was expecting it#not prepared#its such a cold season 😭 I'm only on episode 6 dude#its so over for me#how am i supposed to go on#a month of watching this stupid show.#house md#gregory house#Robert Chase#chris taub#well at least taub and chase are back. i suppose. love them#greg house#lisa cuddy#cuddy ☹️ come back we need you#the power balance is off..#nothing burger post#houseblogging#house posting#house blogging#hate crimes md#james wilson#don't even get me started on Wilson. any episode now. its all gonna fall apart#autism is a DISABILITY. making tv shows effect my mental health cmon now#or maybe thats just depression and escapism#whatever it is.#silly#hilson#house x wilson#yaoi
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I don't feel loved
#:(#like really it's a terrible thing to feel but it's not as much as i am giving and it makes me feel so bad#i am not loved enough and to think that this torment would continue always makes me shut my heart and don't start for anyone#it's so pathetic but i can't help it because i don't get it as intense as i am giving and it's always that never scratching even the surface#i think about her alot but she doesn't thinks of me#i try to make him happy but it's never enough#i try to keep myself sane but i sound like a child begging to be taken along and it ain't working for me#I don't think love should be difficult or unnatural#it should definitely come in my way because i deserve it like anyone else#i should feel loved and i hope i do and i hope it changes#to wake up one day and not feel terrible or to just hope for a home where i am loved and cherished#where my love is celebrated and people don't just tolerate it#i want all those pretty giddy feeling for myself#not sorry for rambling because it's my blog !#desiblr#being desi#desi tag#anxiety#sadgirl#love#tw depressing thoughts#tw mental health
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Hi
I just want to say I am quite touched by everyone who has given me such positive feedback on my silly art that I post here. I stopped regularly posting my art online years ago for a myriad of reasons, and this is my first little step out of that.
So thank you so fcking much for letting me publicly open my whole heart on this blog. You are all so funny and sexy and smart and awesome. 💖🦑
More art to come soon!! And I will answer all my asks!!!
#personal#you are all so hilarious and sweet in the tags fr#seriously my mental health has improved 1000% since starting this blog#living my best life being in love and making art every day 🥰
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Today thus far:
Con—my former advisors send me relevant job postings in academia that are better than my current job, which is very thoughtful and kind, but I did end up having a conversation with one of them about how "cost of living" for me has to account for a) medical expenses, b) homophobia, and c) bipolar considerations (not unrelated to A & B). I usually don't talk about my queerness in a professional context at all despite the incredibly supportive atmosphere here, so even though my advisor knows more about me and my various obstacles than most people alive, I still felt weird and uncomfortable about having to explain that I'm willing to torpedo any chance at an academia career if it means staying on the West Coast.
(Yes, I know other blue states exist, but my resources are very grounded in life here.)
Pro—I worked up my nerve to schedule an appointment with my new doctor. I've been reliant on student health services through my various universities for a really long time, so I was super nervous about navigating the US healthcare system "for real," even with everything done by Inslee et al. to make the healthcare system of Washington workable and preserve our protections. Also, navigating unfamiliar social scripts is incredibly stressful and I didn't know what I'd need beyond my Apple Health info, but I managed to get through it and will have a telehealth appointment this week to 1) establish care and 2) figure out what to do about my asthma never recovering from COVID in August.
#would be cool if i didn't have to tell colleagues personal information about my orientation and mental disorders :)#in order to get any kind of practical advice :)#but yeah even a 100 percent certain tenure-track early modernist dream job starting at 80k couldn't pry me off the coast right now#anghraine babbles#us american blogging#lgbtqia stuff#ivory tower blogging#cw politics#rare breed of attack unicorn#cascadia blogging#health
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What do you think will happen when you give up that habit, person or place that your intuition is telling you to give up?
#mental wellbeing#mental wellness#mental health#self impowerment#self care#self love#healing#healing journey#self healing#dream life#motivation#get motivated#level up#glow up#start over#girl blogger#girl blogging
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tl;dr: I think being trapped in a time loop would fix him
[Plain text under the cut]
I read like two different jason time loop fics which both featured jason coming to the cave for help or resources when people didn't expect him there which makes me think that the loop helped make jason aware that he could come to his family for help and anyways jason gets stuck in a time loop shortly after becoming the Red Hood bruce is aware or at least suspects his identity but he hasnt communicated that to anyone else yet so for a couple of loops jason tries to figure out what's going on but all of his league contacts are either unhelpful or unreachable within the time frame and he gets frustrated and he spends a while just. living out all of his sadistic fantasies he gets to do every dramatic reveal, he gets to kill each one of them, and they're spitting and defiant and telling him he isn't the jason who died but after a while it stops being satisfying and he gets desperate for a way out he knows by this point that bruce hasn't told anyone about him, so his new plan is to talk to one of them away from bruce and just lie Dick is the obvious choice, and that's how jason finds out that dick has been hallucinating him while he's been gone he is not very useful. it's really hard to convince him that jason is legit and then he just gets really emotional and doesn't pay attention to the time loop at all also jason feels really weird about it
so he tries tim. he's like. okay. he doesn't know you're the red hood. you just have to be civil to him for one loop and when it turns out he can't do anything you try something else but tim is also like. really emotional about him apparently? but when jason tells him there's a time loop he takes it really seriously tim is like "why didn't you go to bruce?" and jason is like "i tried that. when he finds out he makes it worse" which is a very plausible thing for someone in a time loop to say so tim believes him Tim's like "obviously i have to verify" and jason is thinking to himself what a waste of time this all is. but tim gets his permission to bring babs in on things and that's how jason finds out about oracle and the clocktower so thats useful at least they use babs equipment for blood tests and tim grills jason on things only he would know and jason is like. hey. why do you know any of that stuff and by the time that tim is satisfied that Jason is who he says he is and that what he says is happening is happening the day is basically over and jason is like well thanks for nothing
and Tim's like, oh, sorry, this is just the setup. next time just tell me this timeloop code, I'll know that I trusted you enough to give it to you so I'll listen to whatever you say which actually does work to Jason's surprise, tim just asks him how many times and what they've already tried and they get down to business tim always has a freakout over jason being alive but that freakout can come at different times of the day depending on how jason plays it jason is still mad at tim and frequently snappy with him but it takes a few loops for him to just yell at tim that he's the red hood and he's been killing people and he was planning on killing tim (not strictly true originally but like. he has done it, so) and tim is like. hm. that makes it pretty personally dangerous for you to know my time loop code, since it makes me just drop everything and listen to whoever says it. but also i think you do need help so i guess I'm still glad you have it. and jason is like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
anyways on a later loop tim convinces him to sneak into the bag cave for the tech and bruce catches them there and jason is like well that's this loop shot but bruce is just like ……. jason? 🥺 you came home? anyways the fic is about jason realizing that he never needed to do all that shit, and actually he finds it rather distasteful, and he can just. go home. if he wants on the last loop he has to like leave gotham to go stop whatever is causing this and it takes all day so he doesn't even talk to them so he has to make the real choice to start up relationships with all of them for keeps and by that point he's experienced so much time loop violence that the first thing he says to bruce is, I'm not gonna kill anyone, at least for now. we can talk about the morality of it and stuff and i will legitimately discuss it with you but right now i just don't want to so that can be our truce and bruce is like, sobbing at having his kid back he uses the code on tim one last time and tim jerks to attention but Jason's like nah relax the loop is over, just wanted to say thanks for all the help
#that should be a new gimmick polls blog#would being trapped in a timeloop fix them or make them worse#for example I think a timeloop would be devastatingly terrible for either dick or tim's mental health#bruce could go either way#partially depends on if it's a normal time loop or one of those ones where your loved ones die over and over i guess#ANYWAYS#under the hood era jason timeloop would be FASCINATING#the incredible violence he would get up to#and eventually realize is empty and meaningless because none of it changes the ways in which he was hurt#(none of it changes anything actually. because timeloop)#and that the only way for him to really start to heal is to move on (and get help)#the fam dealing with him post timeloop would be. so confused#like we are going directly from duffle bag full of heads to jason showing up at the manor like awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck#like heeeeeeyyyyyyyyy guysssss...... can i come in.........#alfred is not mentioned in my spiel because jason was specifically avoiding him for the whole time loop fiasco#the rest of the 'family' being horrified by what he has become is something that jason has convinced himself is what he wants#he wants the catharsis of their guilt and failure#but even then he knows that seeing alfred would just make him sad#babs barely gets mentioned but I don't think jason was mad at her and also he didn't know she was still operating at first#once tim reintroduces them they get a pretty good rapport going#i mean as good of a rapport as you can gain when one of you has to start over every day. y'all understand#this is too many tags#jason todd#red hood#dc#dick grayson#tim drake#batman#batfam#time loop
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The fact that glisten is either genuinely unaware of of the fact Rodger very much intended to leave him, or is just lying to himself that he wouldn’t possibly do that because facing the idea that he was legit about to be abandoned is too much to bear. AUGH. He’s being so positive to a delusional degree throughout the whole thing, but it gives the vibes of someone who’s trying to hold onto the positivity because they literally have nothing else and need SOME hope. Because he can’t handle the idea of the small bit of hope he has being crushed. But all it’s doing is disturbing the others and making him more and more desperate. He’s just very clearly in denial about both that Rodger was going to leave without him, and about the whole situation in general because if he accepts the reality of the situation- that he will continue to be alone for the foreseeable future, that no one’s coming to save him, it’ll break whatever’s left of him. The fact he took the job given to him so seriously, and is just trying so hard to be accommodating :(( AUGH. This gets me. It feels like putting down a dog
HEHEHEHEEE Twisted Glisten in thick and heavy (emphasis on HEAVY) denial of what he's become and what his life is now my beloved, I am glad that hit :).
His mind is just *refusing* to comprehend the fact that he is *not* the same person he was before, and that most of what he's doing is just actively detrimental once he goes off the deep end (not realising his hands are digging into Rodger all the time, the constant constant denial and insistence that he can go with him and that he's fine actually nothing is wrong ever, the Twisteds are the problem here not him not ever him he's *fine* he isn't *one of them,* and what's intended to deter him and what are obvious lies are just forgiveable lapses of judgement or just straight up ignored from the other in favour of seeing them as the truth). If he actually stopped and thought about it for a moment out of Panic Mode / when he's not on the verge of snapping, he'd start spiralling once he actually realised what he's done (a little bit of that was shown but it was quickly shoved down and repressed by The More Important Thought ™️ in his head)
Heheee also loved the idea of him taking that sort of cover job Vee gave him just. Incredibly seriously. In his mind that just lodged itself in there: 'Yeah actually that checks out, I'm the sentient one down here and the Twisteds ignore me so I should be taking charge of Rodger's safety!' and then ESPECIALLY once Rodger is injured so badly does it take more root in his mind that's still swirling with ichor.
: )
#ask box!!#madcatdaderpydrawer-blog#rubbing my hands together evilly. there were more scenes i wanted to add that i either didnt know how to portray well through text;#didnt know how to start writing AT ALL#or just didnt want to add stuff that would seem bigger than it was / would make it unnecessarily longer so Im probably gonna doodle the-#deleted scenes soon :)))#also fun fact: all three hearts were lost there :)#one with the first clawing; second with the tackle; third with being intercepted.#interpreting hearts as 'this is how much health you have before wounds start becoming fatal if unattended for too long'#thankfully glisten was fast enough in doing what he did that enough corruption was drawn out so he could try to work on actually fixing it#if he'd let the wounds fester for too long then yeah they would have gotten bad.#*also also edit to add tag after posting: one deleted scene I could not get out of my head will be there as well but its Not In Character.#like as far as the fic goes its not in character methinks and also wouldve have made it drag on longer so it got scrapped
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#health blog#health#health vlog#healthy#mental health#health blogging#healthy living#mental health blog#gut health#mental health blogs#health tips#mental health blogging#health habits#how to create a health blog#mental health blogging niche#healthy habits#how to start a mental health blog#health (industry)#health blogger#health vlogger#make health blog#would you read a mental health blog?#set up health blog#start health blog#womens health blog
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A gentle and I hope kind reminder:
It makes just as much sense to not have a significant other and kids as an adult as it does to have them, whether you're talking about real life or writing characters.
The submas fandom is chock full of aro and/or ace people, so of course a large amount of people prefer to not go the amatonormative nuclear family route with characters whose home lives are a blank slate.
It doesn't "not make sense" and I again kindly ask anyone who thinks being alone or living with family or solely having platonic relationships as an adult is weird or a crazy idea to think about why they feel like that.
Having a partner isn't "probable," in real life or fiction, just because someone's sexuality or status is unknown.
Everyone is allowed to choose whatever sexuality and relationship status they want for characters, please just be mindful about how you speak about certain concepts okay? Characters can have no opinion on how things are written but real aro and/or ace people do, and it doesn't feel very good to read stuff like this.
#this is for the submas fandom in particular#I REALLY HOPE I WORDED THIS IN A NICE WAY#I don't wanna be rude but it's early and I've been having very very poor mental health the last few days#maybe why certain things I saw rubbed me wrong?#anyways do not start discourse here OR on anyone else's blog#or else I will stop trying to word things gently and just tell you to fuck off#leaving reblogs and comments on for now to let people have the chance to behave#okay? okay#I love you fellow aro and/or ace people
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I finished early, and my heart is pumping "better than expected" again. Yeeeey.
#the difference in health between when i started this blog to now is pretty amazing#two years of recovery and still holding strong#scleromyositis mayhem#adventures in cardiac testing labs
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what if I deactivated haha kidding... unless
#liliana talks#i barely even make content#i'm not a big blog and barely even get tagged in stuff#and when i decide to open up and make personal posts or talk about an interest i have ppl don't even notice#my family don't notice me no one notice me like why am i even here#by here yeah on this site and also in this world and alive#maybe it's seasonal depression or my mom brushing ny problems off idk#and also when things started to get better and i started to ger money and my bank account to grow#job got in a tight spot and now my bank accou t is going down like my mental health#so my dreams and goals instead of coming closer are getting further away#so yeah i don't want to be here ya know#and maybe i should shut up bc guess what?? no one cares and maybe ppl are annoyed with my bullshit#so uh guess i'll do just that
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Send to 10 other bloggers you think are wonderful. Keep this going to make someone smile. ☆♥
Oh. Okay. OKAYY!!!
@cut-out-paper-stars
@lesbianyosano
@sad-emo-dip-dye
@dinosaur-mayonnaise
@clementinecalls
@alicentdeservesbetter
@alphaboyd
@spikeface
@mylestoyne
@dayurno
💕✨❤️
#*starts sobbing like a weirdo at an oscars* ALL of you have contributed to my mental health issues in one way or another!!#all of you are galaxy brained and the seratonin and joy i’ve experienced whilst on your blogs can and WILL sustain me for life <3 <3#carry on slaying!
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i am. criminally late but. the Event Of The Year. dennis takes a mental health day. liveblogging in the replies u know it. what the fuck. i am not prepared.
#live blogging also so silly because i say SO MUCH and end up high in the episode tags . IM SORRY !!!!!!!#maybe i should go listen to solar power refresh my required reading again before hand#not ready to press start esp after seeing THAT spoiler#horrific#i don’t think i will survive#like at all#iasip spoilers#denny renny my soul baby#dennis takes a mental health day#s16
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