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stories-of-the-nrm · 1 year ago

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The RWS 75th Anniversary - 3's A Crowd

Narrator: The next day when all the engines finished their work, they arrived at Tidmouth Sheds. Henry decided to tell everyone his own story.

(Zoom in on Henry).

Henry: Hello, everyone. I have something I want to say.

Edward: Oh, what is it, Henry?

Henry: Well Edward, I was thinking about the story you told last night. I've been doing some thinking and I realized that I wanted to tell everyone my own story.

Gordon: Copy cat.

(Henry rolls his eyes).

Henry: You see I was built somewhere.

Thomas: I didn't know you were from somewhere else. I thought you were built on Sodor.

Henry: Oh no, Thomas. I wasn't built on Sodor. When Sir Topham Hatt bought me, I was in the works to be mended.

Gordon: That's right. You were built off of my stolen plans.

Engines: What?!

Percy: Where were you stolen from Henry?

James: Did the builders sell you because of your paintwork?

Henry: Well to start, only the plans were stolen, Percy. In a way you're right Gordon. While there was some basis for your design, I was meant to be an attempt of the LNER's first hybrid engine between the prototype for the A1 and a C1. As for my paintwork, I had worse problems than that. But, I better start with when I was built.

(Fade to the past where we see an old abandoned factory).

Henry: You know the old saying “three’s a crowd”? Well for a long time I had known exactly how that felt. I was the third engine built from a series of stolen plans. The people that built me didn't just steal plans from the LNER but the LB&SCR as well. Unlike the first two that were built, I was made out of incomplete plans. I was meant to be built after Sir Nigel Gresley completed his prototype for the LNER A1.

(Back to the present).

Gordon: So you were supposed to have been built after me? No wonder the plans were incomplete. The main basis of your design wasn't even built yet.

Henry: That's right, Gordon. In fact, I think those plans were meant to be experimental and not something that should've been actually built.

Gordon: What happened to the other 2 engines who were built from stolen plans?

(Fade to the factory where we see two engines. One is green and the other is blue).

Henry: The first one was an actual design for the LNER’s B12 named Alfred. His design was stolen from the original GER. He was very rude and would often make fun of me for being an incomplete engine. The other engine was actually a hybrid that was based on the K class of the former LB&SCR engines. He was simply named by his number 87546, and also made fun of me. I think that was because he didn’t want Alfred to make fun of him for being a hybrid engine like me.

(Back to the present).

Edward: That must have been terrible, Henry. I can imagine how it would have felt to have just been built and have to experience that. I know you were a poor steamer when you first came to the island. Surely, it must have been worse back then?

(Fade to the factory where we see Henry open his eyes for the first time).

Henry: Since the plans for the hybrid weren’t finished when they were stolen, naturally things didn’t go well when I was built. I was amazed that the builders even let me see the light of day. When I first opened my eyes, I couldn’t even describe how I felt. I felt about every emotion at once. Then I started to feel very sick. My boiler was hurting me. My firebox, no pun intended, burned. It was so bad, I started to cry. The builders didn’t listen to me when I told them how much pain I was in. They tried to put me to work but they didn’t realize I was going to be a bad steamer until after I had my first run. Everything was wrong with me.

(Back to the present).

Thomas: It sounds like those no good thieves just wanted to build you just to make money. They sound like they didn't care about you at all.

Henry: You're right, Thomas. It actually gets worse from there.

Thomas: What do you mean, Henry?

(Fade into the set of tracks by the old factory where there were some trucks and an old shed).

Henry: They named me C*nt as I was nothing but a very crude engine that wasn’t meant to exist. At least in their eyes. They would also say rude things to me that quite frankly I don’t want to repeat. Everyone on the railway said rude things to me. Even my own crew told me how much they didn’t want to work with me. The only reason why they worked with me to begin with is because they were getting paid and that was it.

(Back to the present. All of the engines look horrified as that's a very offensive word).

Percy: Oh Henry, that must have been awful.

Gordon: Indeed, such behavior is simply disgraceful!

James: Disgusting!

Henry: Despicable, I know.

Thomas: How were you able to handle it?

(Fade into the sheds where it's night time. There is a forest clearing nearby Henry's shed).

Henry: The only peace I would get was looking out of my shed at night towards the forest clearing. I would look at the clearing every night until I fell asleep. It made all of my bad days more bearable. But then, something terrible happened.

(Henry paused).

Edward: What happened, Henry?

(Henry just stared).

Gordon: Henry?

(Henry closed his eyes and took a deep breath and continued as we fade back to Henry leaving his shed).

Henry: One night while I still had some steam left, I snuck out of the shed to the line by the clearing. I took in the night air and it was the happiest I've ever been. I could have sworn that all of my aches in pains disappeared. At least by a little. I thought at that point that everything was going to get better! Until of course, the owner found me. When he found out that I snuck out of the shed well … they put my fire out and I was forced to stay out there while it started to rain. At the time I didn’t know what rain was so when I heard the thunder crash and the lightning flash, I never felt more scared in my life.

(Henry shuddered).

Gordon: Oh dear, Henry. I know that you were treated disgracefully, but this is even more disgraceful!

James: Disgusting!

(They all waited for Henry to say his line but he never did. Instead, he took another deep breath).

Thomas: Are you alright, Henry?

Henry: Yes, Thomas. I just need to take my time with this next part.

(Fade into Henry being in his shed).

Henry: The next morning I was taken back to my shed. This time it was permanent. I was so traumatized by what happened that night that I cried myself to sleep. I stayed in the shed for a year but I only remember the first month. All I could only think of was that night. Eventually, I shut myself away in my own mind. The last thing I remember hearing before shutting myself away was that I should have never been created.

(Back to the present).

Percy: That's awful!

Thomas: I know, Percy. So what happened next, Henry?

(Fade into Henry opening his eyes).

Henry: I woke up a whole year later to the sound of cheering and people saying that STH wanted to see me. Probably because it meant that I was someone else's problem if STH did buy me. So they opened the door and all I could see was a man with a smile on his face.

(He takes a breath).

Henry: He asked me my name and I just burst into tears. I said my name was C*nt and that he shouldn’t buy me because I’m a terrible steamer. That I can’t do anything. That I’m nothing more than just an improper engine meant for nothing more than the scrap yard. I told him about my incident with the rain and the forest clearing and I couldn’t say anything else as I just couldn’t stop crying.

(Back to the present).

James: What about your paintwork?

Engines: James!

Henry: No, no. He has a point. Since a year had past and the shed I was in so run down, rain and snow came in through the cracks. My paintwork was all rusted and peeling. That's all the more reason why I was so embarrassed to meet STH.

Edward: What happened next?

(Fade into Henry and STH. Henry's paintwork was now a dull gray covered in rust).

Henry: A few minutes later I felt a hand on my buffer. I opened my eyes and saw STH with a hand patting me on the buffer. I asked what he was doing and why he was doing this. He told me that no engine should have to experience what I did. He told me that he had no intention of scraping me and that he will buy me. I asked him why and he said that he was amazed that I was such a poor steamer. Then he told me this was not my fault and that he’ll do his best to find a way to help me.

Thomas(As a voice over): What did you say?

Henry: Well I thought for a few minutes and all I ever knew was the forest clearing. I asked if his railway had a forest. He said yes and I told him that I wanted to work there. He agreed and I asked him about my name. I did wonder if I was still going to be C*nt. He said not anymore. He said that my name was Henry as a reference to many great English kings. I didn’t cry again but I was close. Then he said that I was going to be painted green with red stripes and have the number three. I can’t believe it. I'm Henry the green engine or Henry, STH’s number three engine.

(Back to the present as all the engines toot their whistles with joy).

Edward: That was a great story, Henry.

Gordon: Indeed, after all this time we finally know why you were afraid of the rain.

James: Gee, I feel bad that we would tease you about.

Thomas: Yeah, we're sorry.

Percy: It was like when we left you with all those freight cars, we didn't think there was anything wrong.

Henry: It's ok. None of you knew. I was scared about telling anyone that story for a long time.

Edward: So what happened to the other engines?

Henry: I don't know. I remember joining the railway in 1922, but I was in the works for a long time though. I think they were on a trial run in 1923, but were sent away. Either way, I would find out that three is no longer a crowd. I am glad that I met all of you and I wouldn't have changed anything.

(Everyone cheered. It's now night time).

Henry: Well Gordon, it's your turn.

Gordon: I beg your pardon?

Henry: Well, you were the last one of the original three to arrive on Sodor. Thomas was in the works for a couple of years before he started his service and James didn't join us until 1925. I think it's time that you tell your story about what happened before you came to Sodor.

Gordon: Yes, I see your point. However, I don't think it's time to do that now. It's late and I have to get some sleep.

(And one by one, all the engines fell asleep).

Narrator: As the engines slept, Henry had a peaceful sleep. He was relieved that he had finally shared his story. As for Gordon, he had a terrible night. He had nightmare after nightmare about his life before coming to Sodor. But that's a story for another day.

#tw language #use of the c-word #ttte henry #ttte fandom #rws fanfiction

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annbourbon · 7 months ago

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The terrifying concept of Eugenics for me at least is being self aware that YES, I was thinking like this for a long time.

And that I have to be glad of not being able to put into action my "best ideas" because I lack of power and money. That's when you see how the road to hell is plagued with good intentions.

Because I truly believed and part of me still believes that some people should not reproduce themselves in order to be happier. Or that teenagers need to be under chemics and insert on them microchips to be able to explore without consequences. Then again that would make it so easy for people who are into human trafficking or rapists to do bad stuff and get away with it more than what it already does. And it's really something that sickens me.

So as soon as eugenics entered in my vocabulary, I had a huge shock and had to revaluate everything in my mind: What gives me the right to decide over someone else's life? No, better like: What gives me the right to even think I know better than them? They are the ones living inside their own bodies. Their own minds. If I was like this, then I wouldn't be better than those who decide over who marries who just because they don't follow a certain idea, religion or sexual preference.

Then I wouldn't be different from the people who have decided to not allow for women to ger an abortion. Or better than those who had slaves, or denied permission for people to get educated.

See, the idea of eugenics for me it's really terrifying because of how easy it is to convince other people that is "for the greater good" or "for you to be well" and then remembering all those things media has done to brainwash society to make sure it fits the narrative. Because whatever reason someone else has for their body, it is enough for it to be valid. Because it is them deciding over their own. And what it concerns me it's that on the other extreme of this, is suicide. Who is also being manipulated as part of eugenics.

And how, why is eugenics still relevant, perhaps now more than ever? Because of all those trends and labels that have been online for a while now. Bambi eyes, siren eyes, BBL, waist that are covered by paper sheets because of its size. Chubby, skinny. And let's not even dive into plastic surgeries, or gen alpha obsession over Sephora and peelings.

No, it's not only gen Alpha. It's every generation that still, today in XXI century believes that they are ugly or unworthy of love because they do not fit certain standards. The idea that bullying and suicide rates are so high even now because of that same thing. And because we have never as consumers stopped to think about what we are feeding our brain with. That's why I keep insisting so much on people to not turn their brains off. Never. And to always strive to be a better version of yourself.

Because the worse thing of all is that it starts with simple things, things we consider to be innocent. That's why the more I see of this world the less I want to participate in it when things like saying hello to your uncle or being polite to a stranger in middle of the road can actually make a lot of damage to your psyche and survival. Or quite the contrary, because cooperation can also do wonders with a society.

So this is what Fit or Die stands for. It stands with how easy it is for people, everyone actually. To turn a beautiful idea, like love, beauty, or the need to belong, into something terrible that creates nothing but pain. With how difficult it is to completely erradicate it too. What I really strive for it's to create an accurate idea of how difficult it is sometimes to fit in this society. Hopefully I'll be able to recreate everything I have in mind and have a well developed, rounded idea. But right now I'm feeling an insane amount of pressure and I feel desperate to finish this off too. So it's a mix. I haven't give up, I'll keep working on it♡

#annabourbon #danteann #faith dante #faithdante #anna bourbon #fit or die #eugenics #creative writing #writers #female writer #dystopian #dystopia #creative process

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psychologeek · 6 months ago

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The hate about "tea cup Mikvah" is also in the way it's using something that is VERY important to culture and religion, and reduces it into something that very much... takes everything religious out of it.

This feels like "if you don't have kosher meat, just salt some pork and you're good to go!"

(no, but... this isn't how it works.)

Sure, it can be complicated or impossible to some people- which is why there's a rabbi, or a community leader - a community is supposed to take care of itself.

And that can be finding ways to allow some things, or find a way around it, or other.

In the example I gave, with the pork?

Well, I can see several solutions a Jewish person that needs to eat something non-kosher:

- ex 1. A very sick person (חולה שיש בו סכנה).

I remember an orthodox family, who told me they bought their son pizza in the middle of Passover. He had cancer and lost his appetite, but that day woke up and wanted pizza.

Another example could be a person with diabetes, who start dropping into hypoglycemia and doesn't have anything kosher to eat.

Ex 2. Living in a place with no access to kosher meat.

Ex 3. No money for kosher meat.

(ok I don't have more)

Depends on the situation, everyone asking could get different answers: from getting a spesific permission, being directed to a kosher replacement, finding a way to get a lot of meat to the area (like a delivery, or a shochet coming every several weeks), money/food delivery from the community, etc.

And as you can see, THOSE ARE ALL INDIVIDUAL SOLUTIONS.

(I'm coming from the field of Halacha and mental illness. So those are things I'm familiar with. From a way to listen to music during Shabbat with minimal Hilul Shabbat for someone with panic attack, to fasting with eating disorders, and more. Many personalised, fitted costumes. It doesn't mean that every Rabbi would be able to assist, just like not every lawyer would be the one you go to on different issues.)

In summary: "well, that's out of the Judaism boundaries" IS a valid answer.

Does it mean everyone can do the same? No.

That's why you have community rabbis (/leaders/etc.) who should be the go-to source. They have about 2,500 years of Halacha in their pocket.

Do you really think that there weren't any disabled women in the past? There ARE solutions.

And depends on the community, center, etc., the Balanit (Mikveh worker/volunteer) might be kind or not, accessible or not, etc.

About people who think "Mikveh only for married women" - in Israel it's illegal to ask a woman if she's married before Mikveh, and you can fill in an official complaint about it. Idk how much it helps, but it IS possible to look up for Mikveh that suits better to what you're looking for.

About Mikveh accessability:

There are laws about accessible Mikveh.

If you don't have an accessible Mikveh in your area, you should complain and they should fix it.

No, this isn't perfect. But unfortunately, we live in a non accessible world. From sidewals to groceries to Beit Knesset to Mikveh (to dentists and sometimes government offices.)

Some examples for accessable Mikvehs:

(there are other things, of course, but I try keep it short.)

About LGBTQ Mikvehs - well, I'm familiar with all of those situations (married women, trans*, unmarried people).

There ARE solutions.

There are queer friendly Mikvehs, and/or other

(source: 8 years part of Jewish-orthodox LGBTQ group, several discussions with friends (include the wonderful sentence "do you know what it's like when your periods don't sync? We were Forbidden for FOUR WEEKS IN A ROW."). Also I have Ger trans friends )

I'm talking about orthodox people, as this is considered far more strict then, say, reform or conservative. Sort of Kal VaChomer, say.

ok please explain why you all hate teacup mikveh so much

because the appeal of creative ritual seems pretty clear given mikvaot are some of the most inaccessible jewish spaces there are. i mean teacup mikveh specifically was created during the pandemic but even otherwise

unless it's for conversion, most mikvaot can't be accessed if you're read as a woman and unmarried (unless you lie), or if you have a visibly trans naked body. does that not describe most of jumblr?

#mikveh #teacup Mikveh #jvp #the problem with jvp #halacha

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futurewriter2000 · 4 years ago

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Breaking in Grey

A/N: Like forreal I know this someone requested with an URL and I tried finding that someone but I couldn’t find her but I finished it and I hope she likes it. It’s not long and it’s how I felt when I was going through similar things.

REQUEST:Hi! Can you make a story that has to do with a gryffindor reader who has a rough past(her parents divorced at a young age, shes lived with mom and her mom keeps trying to find someone else but never finds someone), and last time she saw her mom, her mom was drunk and started talking about how disappointed she in in the reader, making the reader slowly start to break. Sorry if this is too much detail lol, also i feel like either Sirius or James would work for this, whichever fits! Love your books

WARNING: Idk really how to say it but this fic can be triggering to some people who have a problem with mental health or any suicidal thoughts, or alcholism so I advise that if any of the topics makes you feel uncomfortable just don’t read it.

It felt as if your world was grey. Not black, nor white but grey. Grey as in seeing the dead roses on the shelves, faltering into depths of sorrow. Grey as in the room smelt of alcohol, not much of a flavor, more plain alcohol and dullness.

“Mom!” you called out from the hall, only a sports bag over your shoulder as you opened the door to the living room.

The reek entered your nostrils like a wave and you took a step bag, just trying to pull yourself together. You fixed your grimace into a straight face and saw her in the arms of a man.

You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t.

Not thinking twice, you just went through the door. You’ll call a taxi but will you have enough money? It’s better to just wait for the bus but what if you’re going to miss the train?

“Fuck!” you ran your hands through your hair and gritted your teeth. You wanted to dig your nails into your scalp and peel the skin off. You were so angry! So furious and sad at the same time that you just plopped yourself on the stoop and let your head fall on your knees.

Everything. Everything was shit. Your whole life!

Your dad- where was your dad? WHERE!?

You wanted to cry. No, you wanted to scream. No, you wanted to run into a wall but no, not that either. You just wanted to hurt yourself because you couldn’t hurt the person who made you hurt. You wanted to release some of the tightness and the pain inside of you because it damn hurt.

You didn’t have a ride. You didn’t have anything really.

“I’ll be damned!” you heard someone shout but you only nuzzled closer into your arms. It wasn’t meant for you anyway. “My pretty transfiguration partner.” you shot your head up, finding blue eyes and a matching grin looking at you.

“Great.” you said, quickly wiping off the sorrow and the pain, placing allmighty smile on your face. “Lolly?” he offered you one from his hands as one was already in his mouth, throwing itself from one side to the other.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on your way to the choo choo?” he started to joke as he sat down next to you, looking at you and noticing something about your smile.

“Yeah, I am.” you stood up and slung the sports bag over your shoulder, walking away.

You really weren’t in the mood to joke around with someone who has only been your transfiugration partner in your fourth year and most of the time just played around, making rucus with his friend.

He really wasn’t anybody to you except some asshole.

“Hold up, girly.” he ran after you, catching up and walking by your side.

You felt your throat go sore, your eyes wanting to tear up but you didn’t let them.

Can’t he just leave you alone?! It’s not like you had enough last night! It’s not like you’re a worthless, unintelligent freak! It’s not like you were the biggest mistake ever made! It’s not like you’re just a burdon to everybody and everything and just wish to evaporate into disappointment that you are!

Your throat squeezed but you swallowed the dry feeling back inside.

He noticed.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” your voice was raspy, barely creating any sound at all.

“I can give you a ride?” he asked, eyes watching yours but you only shook your head, walking faster.

“No, thanks. I’ll walk.” it wasn’t much stronger but it was understandable and you hoped he got the hint to just leave.

Yet, he didn’t.

He stepped in front of you, holding you still in his arms.

“Ger’ off me!” you pushed his hands away and took a step back. “Don’t you get it! Leave me the hell alone!” you stared at him, eyes watering as if you’re about to break into a thousand little pieces. Your legs became numb, as if somebody cut you under your knees. He could see you barely standing and he could see you breaking in front of him but all he could see was how this fourteen year old girl, who sat next to him in Transfiguration with bright eyes and adorable laugh, pushing and shoving him away whenever he made a snarky remark about other students in the class. The girl who shot him a glare whenever he was too mean to someone. The girl who shushed him one too many times but never enough to keep him quiet. The girl he thought was cute but never much interested in him. The girl that was his Transfiguration partner one whole year until that year passed and they went back into being strangers.

That girl he thought he didn’t know at all. The girl he thought would be just another face to remember in the future was now the girl he saw breaking just as he broke once upon a time ago.

That girl. The girl breaking.

He took a step forward, despite all the stares passers gave him. “I won’t leave until you-”

“Why do you care!” it was more of an accusation than a question and he could feel it in your tone. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” you turned around and started running with a heavy bag on your shoulder that kept dragging you down.

You could hear him calling out but the tears were already falling and you didn’t want him to see you. You didn’t want anybody to see you. This was embarrasing. You losing it on the streets was embarrasing.

So you dropped the bag and you ran faster than you ever did in your life. And you ran- you ran so fast until your legs made you fall into the wet grass underneath you, somewhere in the nowhere.

You looked up, crying and weeping like a child. Hell, you were still a child.

You didn’t ask for magical powers. You didn’t ask dad to leave. You didn��t ask to have a mother to hate you. You didn’t ask for Sirius Black to be there when you were at your lowest. You didn’t ask to be alive so why the hell were you!

All alone in this grey world.

You couldn’t stop. You couldn’t stop wailing and weeping into the existance. You dug your fingers into the dirt, feeling it gather under your nails. The grass got slick among your fingers and the leaves were so sharp they cut.

You didn’t hear the sound of a motorbike. You didn’t hear the call of your name and you didn’t hear him approaching until he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into him.

A girl he didn’t know and he was holding her in his arms as if she was the most important being in the world for him. As if it was fragile and he was keeping it from breaking.

“It’s alright. I’m here.” he whispered and you cried, holding onto his arms.

Because at first you didn’t believe it. That he was there, Sirius Black. The boy who sat next to you in Transfiguration class but never exchanged a word after that. You had somebody to hold and somehow that made it better.

And like your heart was filling up the space in your throat, you heard yourself speak. “I’m alone!” you sobbed, crying and holding onto him. “She hates me! My own mother hates me and my dad doesn’t even care!” you cried and cried and you didn’t know but those words hit home with the boy.

Yet he didn’t break. He already broke once and once was enough. He had James. You have him now.

“You’re not alone, you hear me.” he whispered, almost ordered you to listen. “It’s not about them. It’s about what she thinks, what he thinks. You’re stronger without them. You’re stronger because of them. You’re strong.”

“How would you know? You don’t even know me.You don’t even notice me.” you looked up as he offered you a comforting smile. Not the one he usually gives you but the one that just gives you the feelign of empathy.

“The hell are you talking about? I know you.” he looked far at the distance. “I may not know your background but I have a feeling of how it feels. I know you like to hit me with a book- and one of the thick ones. Quite harshly too.” he started to joke a bit and you let out a laugh.

Merlin, you hated when somebody could make you laugh when you were angry.

“And I do notice you. I notice when you come down in the morning, you seem to run back up because you always forget something. You wear buns most of the time because they are the easiest thing to do. Just plop your hair up but there are days you come down with braids and I like those days. Back in Transfiguration I could see you wearing this parfume that was really nice- I don’t know which one it was but it always smelled so nice and you always smelled nice. You had that parfume for a while but then it stopped and I could only smell the cheap ones whenever we passed by. I didn’t mind the cheap ones. They didn’t smell bad but the one you had before was really great. Sometimes you would smell like a fresh summer breeze and I would always try to get closer to you in Transfiguration because you always smelled so good. It’s one of the things I really took notice in and noticed that you always smelled good.”

You were speechless. You haven’t expected that at all from him. Not from him and not so bluntly. He just said it like it wasn’t odd or creepy. It wasn’t thought. If somebody told you that one normal day, you’d think it’s odd but he told you now and it felt... it made you feel better. You were noticed. You still are.

And you didn’t do anything except continue to look up at him and then follow his gaze into the field of nothingness.

“You’re not alone. Not anymore.” he squeezed you gently. “You may think you are but you’re not. It’s always like that with us.”

“Us?”

“The family disappointments.” he quirked an eyebrow. “We are so used to being talked down on. For not following simple rules or obeying but that’s just an excuse for their pathethic decisions and pride. They put all of their flaws and faults on us but we’re not them. “ he looked into your eyes, ordering you to listen one more time. “You’re not what they say you are. You’re not what they make you believe you are. You’re better and stronger. You’re all they can’t be.” he kept looking into your eyes as you kept looking up into his.

And there was this moment of just you, him and the field of nothingness. The wet grass was damping your clothes and his words cleared your enough to realize that. You’re not alone. Not anymore. Not when he’s here and his eyes were the exact proof you needed to feel that.

He removed himself from you and offered you his hand, grinning. “So are we going to catch this train or not?”

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #maraud #marauders #marauders iamgine #marauders imagines #marauders era

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pizzaapplecheese · 4 years ago

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2p Romano

So I made a 2p Italy post a while ago and got an ask to do one for Romano so here it is! before I type anything I recommend looking at the one I did for Italy to get an idea of this ( link ) anyways back on topic, lets talk about my version of 2p Romano.

Romano’s childhood is kind of different from the canon one. most notably Spain made it his goal to avoid Romano. Belgium was usually busy helping Spain; the only person left to look after Romano was Netherlands. Netherlands usually isn’t the warmest of people, he is still blunt and sometimes harsh times. Romano liked how transparent Netherlands and how truthful he is, so naturally he just clinged on to him easier than anyone else in the entire building. Unlike the canon Romano who had at least 3 people to look up to my version only have one and being the attention starved child he was he kind of lowkey attached to him. Netherlands did find it strange how this child looked up to him since there is literally so many people in this entire building and out of all people he chooses him, but Romano did grow on him. Netherlands did feel pitiful towards Romano since no one was giving “her” any attention especially since this castle is a new environment in which it is easy to get lost from. Ned did missed having a younger sibling around. You could be asking about belgium, but keep in mind she is busy with Spain which also translated onto the fact that to Netherlands Belgium practically isn’t here anymore. They hanged out when Romano is having his break from not doing any work and their personalities did rub off on each other a bit. Spain had to leave one day saying he was visiting someone (Italy who got at that time recently amnesia). Romano found that strange, but continued with whatever he was doing. Netherlands found a box full of crochet equipment and went to Romano like “hey, look what i found, do you want to learn how to do this” and since there is nothing to do he tries it and at first he was bad at it and got frustrated, but Netherlands kept pushing him to at least try making 5 squares and if he still thinks it looks bad then he will allow him to quit. The squares did slowly became better and better and Romano in his head was like “wow i did this??????This is actually fun!” and made more even when Netherlands wasn’t there. It was his hobby and later a way for him to vent and somewhat cope to the news. Romano got a letter from Austria/Spain about Italy a few months after Spain left, Romano being a hot headed kid that he is believed that letter was a joke and decided to travel to Austria’s place alone without anyone knowing (which looking back at it as an adult Romano realized that was a stupid thing to do) and when he finally arrived Spain Austria and Hungary tried to stop Romano from entering not knowing that behind that door was someone different, he looked and sounded like Italy, but he is obviously not Italy. Romano saw a stranger. Anyway Romano blows up when Italy acts like he can’t remember the many recent things that happens and after finding that talking to Italy about it was useless he goes towards the adults who tried to not be clear on it except for Hungary who told him what happened with Italy and boy did Romano exploded. No one under any circumstances is allowed to hurt his brother other the only person who is allowed to do it is him. Sadly he was dragged home and needed to wait for a long long time until he could see his brother again.

okay so now let’s talk about Adult Romano of my universe. Where do I begin? the dude is an attention wh*re. Even if someone took a glance at him that is enough to make him feel happy. He loves creating his own clothes and designs and will not stop talking about it and will somehow shift the conversation towards his clothes. Romano is very overbearing to the people he is close to and over dramatic and annoying to everyone else. He worries and cares for Vene a lot and Seborga as well as much as they appreciate it it can be too much. His relationship with the Tomato gang as an adult is petty complicated (almost like in canon lol) He is very close to Netherlands and they would trust each other with secrets so strong that that they won’t tell anyone else with, he is neutral about Belgium (he does find her pretty though), Luxemburg seems cool, He doesn’t know how to feel about Spain considering that Spain did try to stay away from him he still wonders what their friendship could have been like if they were more open, he find Portugal strange. Then we have the Axis, we already spoke about Italy so let's go to Germany. Just like in the canon he is jealous of Germany because of how close his brother is compared to him in here he will go out of his way to make Germany like his servant and will call him to help him when the smallest inconvenience happens as his way of revenge. Their convos are usually like “hey Ger-man I have a question!” “huh yah what is it?” “how do I put a book on a shelf again? I seem to forget” “please tell me you are joking” “wow rude, I always knew you were a brat from childhood, but this a whole new low” “fine I will come over and show you” “thanks!”. Strange thing here is that he is pretty kind to Japan although it have to do with China, Romano would buy Japan small gifts which confuses the hell out of Japan (now typing it I feel like China is the divorce parent of Japan and Romano is trying to win Japan’s approval to marry him-). Now we have the strange 3. I will start on China to fix any confusion on the Japan part. Romano is friends with China, but they are not really that close it is more of them teasingly annoy each other just for fun, like Romano touching China’s Jewelry (China hates when people touch his stuff especially when they are “too poor” for it, but he considers everyone that so eh) and China would pay him money telling him “I am sorry that this the only thing you can live off for the month, but i hope it helps” and it is just counterfeit money. Next we have America who loves to make videos of himself doing stupidly dumb stuff and Romano likes to join in because he likes getting the attention even if it is from strangers online, everyone's surprise why there isn’t a law about leaving these 2 alone together considering the whole bank incident (you guys shall never know what happened). Last but not least we have Lithuania, Romano deeply cares for him and is usually concerned with the guy, but he have no idea what to do so he usually just tries to hang out with him and refuses to talk about anything slightly negative worrying that it will hurt his mood (Lithuania doesn’t really care at this point, but still appreciate Romano’s efforts) they are tea/coffee drinking buddies.

oh my gosh this took so long to do, I am sorry. I had a test so it took longer to make this than expected.

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g-enevieve · 4 years ago

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Cheesy and long post ahead, but I had to share this and get it out of my chest, otherwise I’ll be crying my eyes out and feeling sorry for myself in my hotel room lol

Writing my feelings down and sharing them with a bunch of strangers on the Internet is my coping mechanism.

It’s day 4 of my quarantine and I am so homesick. I wouldn’t be if I was already working so I’d have at least that to occupy my days, but spending time alone and in isolation has really got me thinking and sentimental over my home life and how I must be crazy for ever even considering moving out of the comforts of my childhood home. Totoo nga na it’s not until you move out that you realize how much you’ve taken for granted living at home with the whole family. And it’s not even the free lodging, no bills, always clean laundry, and home cooked meals that I’m talking about, alamoyun, it’s the comfort and emotional support I get at home that I miss. Just being surrounded by my family, even without having to talk, my mind and heart are at ease.

Some days when I’m really pissed off at my siblings for not doing any house chores, and for not doing anything to help around the house, I would think “I can’t wait til I have enough money to move out of this house,” and even planned with Maoi that we’d move in together. But now that I’m about to live alone, in my own apartment, 8 hours away from my hometown, I can’t imagine how I’ll ever get used to coming home to an empty space.

Not coming home to my mama’s loud voice asking me if I already ate, then nagging at me for something I forgot to do in the house, papa’s tight hugs and goodnight kisses, Gwen’s annoying face na laging nakasimangot tapos ngingitian lang ako pag may kailangan sakin, Kuya Ger’s funny stories about what the bigols were up to that day, Kuya Gabe’s random visits to my room to show me his collection of Pokemon cards, babysitting Zach!!!! Those small things that you wouldn’t even notice but had made your day.

I just can’t help feeling sad even though I know that me living alone isn’t permanent, and that I’ll be back in Manila in 6 months, because deep down in my heart I know that this has already started a big shift in our lives, and sooner than later, my sister and my brothers would be moving out as well to go on with their lives, making it official that we’re adults capable of taking care of ourselves. My papa was even talking about retiring already!

I honestly think that this is also just me not being ready yet to let go of my childhood and accept the fact that my parents are growing old. I kind of always thought that we’d be living in one house together forever lol 🥺 At 23, I shouldn’t even be clinging to my childhood that much anymore!!!!!

And I know that people say if you want to achieve something in life, you have to step out of your comfort zone, and that’s true, but can’t it also be true that you can achieve success while staying in your comfort zone 🥺🥺🥺 haaaaay i’m such a baby, but I really do miss home. I don’t care if it’s only been 4 days. 186 days til home sweet home!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAH 😭😭😭

Anyway, if you made it this far, comfort me by leaving a comment about the “ah shit adult na nga ako” moment in your life and what made you realize it? Knowing I’m not the only one going through this phase would really make me feel better 😭😭

#rants #lifeupdates

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kibleedibleedoo · 5 years ago

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Hero of your own Fate 2/?

Thorin x reader

Warnings - brief mention of mental illness, slow burn

A/n - sorry it's a long one

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Thorin's POV~

It had been a long detour via the Blue mountains which unfortunately had not born any fruit. All Thorin could think about was a hot meal and a place of safety to sleep tonight. He was getting far too old to be a solitary nomad. His fantasising of his next meal led thorin down his third wrong turn of the evening. The shire was full of winding roads that seemed to follow no logical order in their constuction. Thorin could see the house up on a hill, by mahal he probably could hear the company from back in Bree, but he just could not find the right path to get there and the fading like was offering him no favours.

Thorin watched confused as the heavens seemed to rip open as Bagend was aurrounded by a vrief thunder storm and depositing a girl on top of the hill. From this distance it was hard to tell but she certainly wasnt one of his kin and the clothes she was wearing made ger look out of place in this world. Maybe you were a one of a secretive kind, some even more secretive than dwarves that few even knew the existance of. He watched as you settled yourself and entered the hobbit hole. Something deep inside him was drawn to this unfamiliar woman so deep that Thorin was taken by surprise when he knew how to get to that blasted house, to get to you.

~Reader's POV~

That evening was a whirlwind so much seemed to happen in so little time. The quest was explained along with the risks and contracts were handed out to you and the other burglar Bilbo. It took many by surprise when he fainted at the thought of incineration, sure it would be a bad way to go but an instant death was far more preferable than a long drawn out one, the only one not surprised was the leader of our company Thorin oakenshield. He seemed to react to the hobbit with pure annoyance even going so far as to question him on battle experience upon entering poor Bilbo's home. You had no battle experience at least none in hand to hand combat. You cast your mind back to one of your childhood school trips where you were taught how to fire an arrow and a bit of fencing neither of which you were any good at, at the time which gave you little hope for your ability to fight on this quest. You needed training or you would be a liability and you were positive the whole company knew it.

You took the time during Bilbo's recovery to pull Gandalf aside.

"what am i doing here?" you asked rather annoyed with the wizard.

"You offered to help in the café did you not?" he quipped knowing the answer.

"Yes but there is no point me joining if i am only going to be a liability Gandalf" you huffed, you wanted to help you really did but there was no point volunteering for this quest if it was going to end in your demise or the demise of some of the dwarves before the quest is complete.

"You posess talents aside from fighting that will come in useful that I am sure something that those of middle earth lack" the wizard mused. He was almost certainly keeping something to himself about what you could contribute. Before you could respond he continued "I took the liberty of packing supplies for you, some hygiene products from your home but mainly supplies from here for the journey. They are with your pony at the stables" Your eyes grew wide as you realised the wizard had gone through your things.

"You broke into my house!" you exclaimed in a hushed tone trying to stop any of the dwarves from prying, unfortunately you could not seem to shake the handsome one's peircing gaze. "What if my roommate saw you? omg wait what did you see in my stuff!" at this point you were starting to panic, your roommate had always suffered from anxiety and happening upon a strange man riffling through your stuff wasnt exactly something they would take in their stride.

"I was not seen, and magic comes in useful in your realm too" he chucked "the essentials come to me, they seemed nicely organised so I packed the entire bag for you" mentally you were piecing together what you would be carrying. That bag contained your toothbrush, toothpaste, a few wash cloths, deoderant, conditioner, a spare pair of panties, and some everyday makeup items. Okay so no shampoo, you werent exactly sure when you would get the opportunity to wash your hair while trekking across this world but you had heard others try a no-poo style of washing their hair so that must be what you would have to do from now on. "Along with what is already packed here are a new set of clothes to help you fit in better and if you will let me I can exchange and money you have for coin you can use here." You werent sure exactly where he had stored the fresh clothes but he seemed sincere so you handed your bag over to him.

"Dont touch anything else in there, you only have permission to exchange currency" you said in a stern voice "they might not all work here but they are important to me" you finished softly. You took the clothes to a seperate room and closed the door behind you. It was dark but you still had your phone in your pocket so could use the torch for a while. You silently thanked whatever deity was up there that your parents had got you a solar powered power bank for christmas and it was in your bag, where you always kept it, your phone might run out of battery soon but you knew that you would be able to look through your photos whenever you got homesick on this quest. You turned your attention to the clothes, inspecting each item you noticed the outfit looked like something that would have been worn during the 18th century back home. Luckily your roomate was studing fashion history at the local university so you knew where all the fabric was supposed to go. Gandalf had also been nice and provided you with a corset which did up on the front, looking at them you could almost hear your roommate telling you this style was called a 'pair of bodies' and you chuckled knowing that while this outfit might be more practical than what you were wearing it was still going to be a nuisance to put on and wear all the time. You got undressed and threw the shift over your underwear, not ready to give up your modern bra and pants just yet, next you decided you still wanted to wear your leggings. If you were supposed to learn how to ride a horse tomorrow you sure as hell were going to have some fabric between your skin and the saddle plus it would preserve some of your dignity if you fell off and your skirt flew over your head. Time for the corset, the stomacher was rock hard which you thought might provide some protection, against what you werent quite sure of yet, and the corset was surprisingly easy to lace up at the front. The next item you loved, it was a shame modern women's fashion hated them so much but these bags you tied at your waist formed huge pockets which could fit most of the contents of your bag in without anyone being any the wise. The petticoat and skirt followed and a jacket tied the look together. You decided your doc martens would be far better to wear than whatever flimy shoe gandalf had provided so with your outfit complete you returned to the company.

Gandalf sat there smiling with a bag of coins in his hand. You felt you looked slightly ridiculous, especially since your bosom was more pronounced than in your oversized tee.

"Now you look like you belong here" he took a sip of wine and nodded.

"I might look like it but I have still kept some of my modern luxuries" you responded smugly waving your t-shirt a bit. He smirked handing you over the coins and your backpack back. You stuffed the tshirt in with the rest of your stuff and made a mental note to wear it as a pyjama top.

~Thorin's POV~

Y/N had disappeared off into one of the rooms shortly after her argument with gandalf. It seemed like the company had lost both of their burglars within the space of five minutes. Thorin huffed and sat back next to Balin who was always a source of comfort to him even before Erebor fell.

"We do not have time to delay Balin, if we must leave without them then that is what we must do" Thorin sighed, fewer and fewer folk were supporting this mission a band of 13 dwarves and a wizard was hardly a match for a dragon if Smaug still lived.

"I know lad, have faith this is a worthy quest and mahal would not have forsaken us" Balin smiled reassuringly at Thorin. Balin trusted Thorin like he trusted no other, he knew Thorin would give anything for his people and would do everything in his power to provide them with a place of sanctuary. The pair sat in silence for a few moments when Y/N came out of one of the rooms in a different outfit. The dress made her look like one of them, it fitted her so much better than what she had on before and Thorin found himself staring in awe at her.

"it seems she hadnt given up on us afterall" Balin nudged Thorin grabbing his attention

"aye but does a woman belong on this quest" Thorin sighed "she looks weaker than Dis and we wouldnt allow her to join us"

"she will be fine" Balin was puzzled by Thorin's sudden change in attutude until he realised Thorin was still watching the lass like a hawk. "she will have us to protect her and Im sure you wouldnt mind training her" Balin joked.

"I will not let her presence effect this quest, we will make sure she is trained" Thorin barked back. Both dwarves knew it was already too late just her sheer presence made Thorin reconsider his priorities.

#thorin oakenshield #thorin imagine #thorin x reader #king thorin #thorin oakenshield imagine #Kilby writes #fan fic #thorin durin #king under the mountain

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hmhteen · 6 years ago

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HMH Teen Teaser: ONCE A KING by Erin Summerill!

The holidays are right around the corner, and do we have a gift for you: an excerpt of ONCE A KING, the new standalone fantasy from Erin Summerill publishing 12.4! While fans of EVER THE HUNTED will find some nice easter eggs in this book, it’s a total standalone about the noble journey a young king takes to ensure lasting peace in his kingdom. (It’s also about falling in love with someone you really, really shouldn’t.)

Scroll down to read the first two chapters!

CHAPTER ONE- Lirra

I lean against the dusty elementiary shelf crammed with books and jars of animal bits, and stare at my father’s letter. His nearly indecipherable scratch strikes me with swift disappointment. Gods, the All Kingdoms’ Summit happens only every five years. It’s not as if Da hasn’t had time enough to arrange his schedule. The remainder of Da’s message is blocked by another letter. It’s sealed in my father’s wax and addressed to someone named AC. My heartbeat slogs through my ears, muting the chatter of mismatched accents and clatter of carriage wheels outside the Elementiary. What a fool I am for thinking this time Da’s priori- ties would include something other than busi- ness. Having worked for my father for five years, I know better than to be hurt by this news. Just as I know, without reading further, Da needs me to deliver the letter to AC.

I suppose it also shouldn’t be surprising that there’s no note here for the littleuns or Eugenia, my stepmother and worrier extraordinaire. Overwhelmed by black-market trade and valuable secrets, Da tends to forget all else.

“Lirra, you done?” Orli’s clipped tone echoes from the other side of the shelf.

I fold Da’s letter, intending to finish it later, and squeeze my fingers along the parchment seam. One, two, three sharp slides.

“Almost,” I call out, and shove the now-empty box back into concealment behind a jar of rat tails. To maintain our family’s anonymity and safety, Da sends correspondences here for me to retrieve in secret. He trusts few people more than Astoria, the Elementiary owner and my former magic teacher.

“What’d he write?” Orli asks when I come into view.

My best friend is standing by the door, trapped in a stream of dusty light, right hand strangling the doorknob, the usual tawny tone leached from her knuckles. Despite her unease with Channeler magic, she’s accompanied me here every week since Da left.

“He won’t be returning for a while.” I pick at the broken seal.

“You mean he’ll miss the start of the tournament, right? He’ll return for the jubilee and the other summit festivities.”

I shake my head.

Raven brows shoot up. “He’s going to miss your jubilee performance?”

My nail wedges under the last bit of red wax and frees it from the parchment. “Aye.”

Astoria has one hand on her cane and the other clutch- ing a pile of books, going about business as she usually does whenever I slip inside the Elementiary to pick up Da’s mail. She ambles out of the backroom to her desk, where she deposits the stack. I’m not entirely sure she’s noticed me until she lifts an age-spotted finger to shove her spectacles higher and then points to the letter in my hand. “Not what you were hoping?”

I slip it into my satchel and force a smile. “That’s the way it is with Da’s business.”

“Oh, dear girl.” She frowns. “And it’s your first year enter- ing the jubilee.”

The sadness magnified in her watery blue eyes sours my mood.

My gaze drops to the ring of dirt darkening the hem of my day dress.

There’s a shuffle thump of steps on the wood floors, and then Astoria’s arms come around me, squeezing me to her wonderfully round body.

“Your da knows it’s important to you.” The love she radi- ates makes me feel like a cat basking in the sun. “He’d be there if he could.”

Astoria has been Da’s friend and closest confidant since before my birth. She offered us a safe place to hide at her home in Shaerdan after we escaped Malam’s Purge — the Channeler eradication that would have seen me killed for my magic ability. We have lived near her ever since. She understands Da better than anyone, but I don’t want to hear her talk him up right now.

“She knows,” Orli says. “All set to go, Lirra?” Her despera- tion to leave the Channeler school is as potent as the scent of lavender here.

“You don’t have to leave so soon.” Astoria returns to her desk. “Come away from that door and sit down.”

“We need to run by the docks. Getting through all the visi- tors’ carriages will take time.” Orli points to the blown-glass windows. Outside, a rainbow of fabric has assaulted Shaer- dan’s capital city of Celize. Passersby wear their kingdoms’ colors like a shield. Usually, the northern edge of town, where the cliffs climb up from the docks, sees little traffic. Travelers have invaded all of my hometown, even the quiet roads stretching east into farmlands and forests. Scores of people from the four neighboring kingdoms have been arriving for days in anticipation of the All Kingdoms’ Summit and festivities — the Channeler Jubilee, the Tournament of Cham- pions, and the Kingdoms’ Market.

“Orli is right,” I say. “We need extra time to look at the crowds.” I have things to pick up for my jubilee exhibit that can’t wait until tomorrow.

Astoria fiddles with the wrist button of her dress sleeve. “See you next week?”

I nod, even though it’s uncertain if she’s referring to the jubilee showcase or my next mail visit. My head is stuck on a memory from five years ago. At the last jubilee, Da and I watched from the sidelines. Channelers from across the king- doms showed displays of magic. Breathless and awed, I confessed my dream to perform at the next jubilee.

Next week’s jubilee.

Da said he wouldn’t miss it for all the world.

***

Silence is the sweetest sound in the Barrett home, and such a rare thing to be had. It’s alarming how loud the boards creak underfoot as Orli and I sneak inside the back door, both of us carrying packages from the dock market. Packages that could be easily snapped in half by my younger brothers’ grubby fin- gers.

“Where is everyone?” Orli mouths.

I shake my head. The kitchen is filled with the usual mess, minus my family. Dirty dishrags lie heaped in a pile on Grandmother’s table beside a discarded, half-finished drawing of a pig — or an owl. I cannot tell. A stale odor lingers in the air like a haunt of last night’s leek-and-carrot soup. And then there’s the crock of Eugenia’s morning pottage, still sitting on the sooty hearth.

“Eugenia?” Never one to miss a Monday service, my stepmother drags the littleuns to the cathedral on the cliff each week as penance for Da’s profession.

No one answers.

I abandon my protective crouch around the wrapped wooden dowels. “The carriages on the road must’ve slowed her travel.”

“Do you think it’s odd that Eugenia will make peace over Millner’s sins and then spend his earnings the next day?” Orli asks as we head down the hall toward the attic ladder that hangs in a permanent lowered position.

“When you talk about my da’s business like that, it sounds wicked.”

“It’s not exactly saintly. Your father sells secrets to the high- est bidder. Not produce or pelts.”

“He’s an information trader.” I shrug off her comment, not eager to discuss my father.

Orli’s head falls back, and she explodes with laughter. “That’s a new one. Though a bit much for Millner Barrett. Maybe something like high ruler of the black market would be more accurate.”

I laugh. At least she didn’t call him Archtraitor, the infamous title he earned for defying the Malamian regent, evad- ing capture, and building a secretive life in Shaerdan. It gets under my skin.

“My point is, she repents one day and spends his money the next.” Orli follows me up to the attic room. She flops on my bed while I sit on the floor and arrange the dowels from largest to smallest. “It doesn’t make sense.”

Was that a note of irritation? I leave the packages lined up like soldiers before their captain. “What’s this about?”

Gone is the easy smile she wore after leaving the Elementiary. Was today too much for her? Were the crowds over- whelming?

“I know what you’re thinking, and that’s not it.” Orli slides her dark braids out of her face. “It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“Nothing is nothing.”

“That makes no sense.”

I pinch her toe. “It means if something’s important to you, it’s important to me. No secrets.”

She points to the packages. “Don’t you want to finish un- wrapping those before your brothers get home?”

I don’t even glance down. “Subject change? Beginner’s move. You know I have more self-control than that.”

She guffaws. “A fox in a henhouse has more self-control than you.”

“Exaggeration.”

“Is it?” A little light brightens her stormy eyes. “I’m sore over Eugenia’s soil order, is all. Satisfied?”

“The one for cabbage?” Wasn’t that weeks ago?

“You know how the growing season is. Mum hasn’t been able to enhance the soil.” Late spring to summer means increased hours on Orli’s family farm. Especially for her mum, who earns extra money by selling magic-infused soil for growing vibrant, pest-resistant plants. Altering the soil drains her energy, a cost all Channelers pay, which slows production.

“Has Eugenia been pestering her?” Even though Eugenia isn’t a Channeler, she knows Channelers need time to restore energy.

I tear the packaging off the dowels to feel their notched ends, all sanded to a silken texture. The largest dowel, bal- anced on my open palm, is impossibly light. Almost weightless. The wood’s scent is balsa and musk. A humid summer day and freedom.

“It’s my mum.” Orli’s tiptoe-quiet response brings me back to the room. “She wants me to fill Eugenia’s order. She thinks I’m ready.”

“What do you think?”

She doesn’t answer. A year ago, Orli was kidnapped as part of an attempted coup in Malam. The former regent was intent on siphoning magic from Channelers and combining the sto- len energy into the ultimate weapon to use against the young king. I was part of the effort to rescue her, and ever since, Orli has been plagued with nightmarish memories and constant fears. It took months before she was able to leave her farm and venture into public. But she has yet to use her Channeler magic.

“I would help, but all I’m good for is blowing dirt around your farm.” I nudge her knee.

Channelers have influence over one energy — land, air, fire, water, or spirit. Orli and her mother have the ability to manipulate the land, while I can harness the wind.

“That’s all you’re good for?” Orli rolls her eyes. “It’d have to be a small pile. Dirt’s heavy.” “You’re full of hot air, you know that?”

“Better than dirt in the ears.”

We both laugh, never too old for Channeler puns. “Truthfully,” Orli says, more serious. “All you’ve done this year is impressive.”

Does she realize she’s come far this year too? I open my mouth to tell her as much, but she cuts me off. “Don’t be modest. I wasn’t even referring to what you did for me.” Her voice cracks with emotion.

My throat burns too. Dammit.

“I’d do it again,” I whisper, knowing exactly how hard it was to find her. To free her.

Orli rubs her eyes, and then shoves me in the leg and adds an annoyed look. “Don’t make me teary. I’d do the same for you, fool.”

I know she would.

She scoots off the bed and sits cross-legged on the floor. “What I’m trying to say is what you’ve done with your gliders is a big deal. You use your magic in a different way than we grew up learning. Everything we created was from our energy. Like my mum and the soil. She has to sacrifice herself for every batch of stupid dirt. But your gliders are different.”

“I use my magic to make them,” I say, confused. “No, you use magic to test them. To see if they’ll fly.”

This much is true. I wanted to build a contraption that would allow my brothers to glide in the sky without me having to conjure wind.

“Anyone, Channeler or giftless, can follow your pattern and make their own glider. You’re going to show people a new way of looking at Channelers. Maybe they’ll even see that we shouldn’t be feared.”

She’s exaggerating. But . . .

“Maybe, hopefully, it’ll inspire a few people,” I say, though the possibility makes me feel like I’ve ingested a swarm of lightning bugs.

A door slams in the house, and a herd of elk rumbles through the hallway below. Eugenia shouts, “Not inside!”

“Sorry, Mum!” I hear my brothers say before the stampede alters course.

I rush to rewrap the dowels and hide them under my bed. “Do you want me to talk to her about the soil? Or are you ready?” I hate pressuring Orli, but she has to use her magic again one day. May as well be helping her mum and Eugenia.

“I’ll figure something out. I’ll be fine.” Her expression shutters closed.

She thinks my winged inventions will change how people see Channelers. Maybe she’s right. But what will it take to inspire her? To prove that her magic isn’t to be feared?

I go downstairs to greet Eugenia in the kitchen and find her plucking dirty rags off the table.

“Any word from your da?” she asks.

“No.” It’s better not to mention he wrote me about busi- ness. When Da is working, Eugenia likes to pretend he’s just taking a trip to visit friends. She won’t acknowledge his meth- ods of collecting and profiting off secrets if she can help it.

“Do you think he’s all right?”

“He’s been gone for longer stretches, and he always returns safely.” I’ve become adept at managing Eugenia’s worry.

Her hands knot in a dishrag. “Right. Of course. I’m sure he’ll return for the festiv —”

The rear door smacks against the wall, startling us both. The twins race inside, skidding into their mother’s feet.

Eugenia drops the rag, and screeches. “Boys!”

Despite her runny emotions, she lunges for them as they try to scramble away. Loren bangs into the table and upends a chair. Kiefer hunkers beside the hutch.

“What has gotten into you two?” “Sorry, Mum,” the boys chant.

“We don’t run in the home. Look at this dirt. I just swept the floor, and now I’ll have to do it again.”

Loren rubs his hip. “Wasn’t running, Mum. Just some quick moving.”

“Save your quick movement for outdoors. Hear me?”

“But what of Lirra?”

“What about me?” I ask.

Loren’s smile switches into something sly, like a youthful image of Da, all dimpled tanned cheeks, stocky frame, and windblown curls the color of wet driftwood. I’ve always longed to look more like them instead of a reminder of my mum, with nearly black hair so thick it could be roof thatching.

“Lirra does whatever she pleases.” Loren turns pathetic cow eyes on Eugenia. “She don’t follow rules.”

If only that were true.

“And I’ve seen her run in the house.” Little toad. “You have not.”

“Have too.”

I turn to Eugenia for support. Working for Da requires liv- ing by another set of rules, something Eugenia knows even if she doesn’t like it.

“You don’t go to church.” Loren points at me. “You sneak out at night. And sometimes you go around with mud on your face. Mum always makes us wash our faces. Doesn’t she, Kief?” Kiefer, the more silent twin, peeks around the hutch. “I seen mud on Lirra.”

“Get back in your hiding spot,” I growl at him before spin- ning to face Loren. “Don’t pull me into this. You were foolish enough to get caught, so say you’re sorry already.”

He starts to complain, and Eugenia silences him with a look. The boys rush toward freedom in the shape of the back door. That’s when I notice the specks.

Specks coating their trousers.

Specks on Loren’s boots.

Specks that look an awful lot like wood shavings?

“Stop! Where have you two been?”

“Outside.” Loren smirks over his shoulder.

“Where outside?”

“The shed.”

“Which. Shed.” My nostrils flare. Kiefer cringes.

“Lirra, let them go,” Eugenia says.

My glider wings are in that shed. If the boys touched them . . . “Tell me. Or this week at the summit festivities, I’ll find the she-pirate, Song the Red, and pay her to sail you to Kolontia. The north is terribly cold. So cold that men and boys lose toes and feet and even legs. How fast will you run without legs, hmm, Loren? Tell me now — woodshed or my shed?”

“Yours,” Kiefer blurts. His cherry cheeks turn pale pear green. “We only wanted a peek.”

“We didn’t touch nothing, promise.” Loren presses his hands together in a prayer. “Spare me legs, Lir.”

I hold in a smile. “Keep your stubby limbs for now, Loren. But if you —”

Eugenia scoots them out the door. “Don’t be hard on them.”

“They need to keep their dirty hands off my things.” “What do you expect, Lirra? They look up to you, and you

run around breaking rules as if you’ve no responsibilities.” “No responsibilities?” Anger twists through me faster than the twin tornados could destroy my stuff. “My responsibilities force me to break rules. My job for Da requires it.”

She yanks a pin out of her bun, and her hair topples like a bird’s nest breaking apart. “Don’t pretend to be dedicated to your da’s work when you spend all your time on gliders.”

I gape at her, wounded by the insinuation. My family mat- ters most. If Da asked me to pay more attention to his business, I’d do it. But he doesn’t ask. He doesn’t include me in every deal. He doesn’t share all his secrets, as much as I’d like him to.

“What of your dedication?” I stomp to the window and point at the carriage parked inside the barrier of trees conceal- ing our home. “Every week you visit the cathedral and make penance. Maybe instead of praying so much, you should no- tice how hard Da works for you. For the family.”

Eyes widen over a stone expression. “Nonsense. You’re angry because the boys were curious. I understand that, but you cannot blame them. Your contraptions look like children’s toys.”

Children’s toys? Will the jubilee organizers think my glider is child’s play too?

My fingernails dig crescents into my palms. “Was it curiosity when they broke your Plovian vase? The vase you insisted Da buy with his black-market money? Don’t be a hypocrite.” It comes out like spat venom.

Last year the twins knocked over the vase. Eugenia was shattered. That same colorless devastation overtakes her expression now.

A baby’s cry peals from the hallway.

I bite my vindictive lip. “I — I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Julisa’s awake.” Eugenia gives me a look of defeat and leaves.

I return to where Orli is waiting for me in the attic, my chest stuffy and hot with frustration. And shame.

It’s not her fault that Da is gone. Or that he takes on too much work and doesn’t allow me to help manage the load. He has me deliver messages to informants, listen to private conversations, and track people’s habits, but he never asks for more. He tries to manage most of the work alone.

Loren and Kiefer are too young to help, and I doubt Eugenia would let them get involved in Da’s business even if they were older. I’m the only one he can lean on. It’s up to me to help him. Eugenia is right. I should be focusing on Da’s letter, not my gliders.

“Whoa, what happened?” Orli watches me climb the lad- der. “You look ready to practice dagger throwing on a live tar- get.”

I dig through my satchel for the letter. I peel it open and remove the letter to AC.

Hullo Beetle,

I’ll not be returning in time for the summit.

The rest of the page is blank.

“This cannot be all there is.” I flip it over. Da would never use this much parchment for so short a note, or ask me to deliver a letter with no instructions. His message must be here, hidden.

Orli peers over my shoulder and hums to herself.

I trace the blank page. “I wonder if he used a blood charm. Da’s never used one before. Blood charms are illegal, and even if they weren’t, they’re hard to come by,” I say, remembering what Astoria taught us. “But it would explain why there are no words.”

She releases a shuddery breath and taps the letter. “Right. And we are talking about Millner.”

“I guess there’s only one way to find out.” I pull a dagger from my boot.

Orli sits on the bed, trembling fingers sliding under her thighs. “Go on.”

I hate that magic makes her uncomfortable. But I have to know what Da wrote. I sink the blade’s tip into the fleshy pad of my finger. A crimson drop bubbles from my skin and drips onto the ivory parchment, fanning out as it seeps into the surface.

Hullo Beetle,

I’ll not be returning in time for the summit.

If you’re reading this, you figured out the blood charm. The following job must be completed immediately and privately. As you can tell, secrecy is of greatest importance.

To fulfill an agreement I’ve made with the king of Malam, you must deliver the enclosed letter to him. Don’t curse. I know this assignment will displease you, but it must be done.

The king’s letter has also been sealed with a blood charm. You’ll find nothing there if you attempt to peek. Please explain to King Aodren how these types of charms are activated. The man’s Channeler knowledge is in the budding stage.

Deliver the letter before the summit is underway. It cannot be late. Tell no one and go unseen.

Give my love to Eugenia, the boys, and Julisa. Love, Da

“Bloody stars.”

I’m not displeased. I’m furious.

What deal has my father made? King Aodren cares noth- ing for Channelers. Hell, his kingdom has encouraged the hunting of Channelers for the last twenty years. This is why my father and I were forced to flee Malam and live in Shaer- dan. King Aodren may have ended the Purge Proclamation, the horrific law that was responsible for the deaths of countless Channelers in Malam for the last twenty years, but he did so out of desperation. Last year, King Aodren needed the Channelers Guild, the governing women who oversee all Channelers in the five kingdoms, to save his life and help stop a plot to usurp the throne.

My efforts to save Orli caused my path to cross Aodren’s. I was the one who introduced him to the Guild, and I even saved his life in battle. But has he ever expressed his gratitude for either?

No. Not at all. Ungrateful lout of a king. King Aodren cares only about himself.

Da has all sorts of unsavory business associates, and though I dislike it, it’s not so shocking to discover King Aodren is a new one. Royal coin is as good as commoner coin. What I don’t understand, however, is why the king of Malam needs help from Da, ruler of the underground.

I press my fist to the sudden bloom of ache in my belly. I want to forget this request and finish my glider. But Eugenia’s comment earlier nags me. Da needs me. And maybe this is the way to finally prove he can rely on me.

CHAPTER TWO- Aodren

My attention catches on a flash of colors as gold and blue Shaerdanian tunics enter the far end

of the mud-streaked training yard. Not count- ing the half dozen guards standing at attention nearby, until now Leif and I have had the field alone to spar. The two newcomers must be the men who have been chosen to represent Shaerdan’s ruler, Chief Judge Auberdeen, in the upcoming Tournament of Champions at the All Kingdoms’ Summit.

When the tournament first began, each king- dom’s ruler and their second fought a mock bat- tle to prove their strength and leadership mettle. Decades ago, after the Plovian king lost his life, the rulers decided participation was too dangerous, and tradition changed. Now the most skilled warriors in the land vie to fight in place of their leader.

Leif, the first of my chosen competitors, swings his prac- tice sword through the air. I thrust upward to block. It’s too late. His waster slams my left arm. Bone-rattling pain lances from elbow to shoulder, and my weapon hits the ground.

Godstars! “Solid strike.” I suck a breath between my teeth to temper the pain.

“Are you whistling, sir?” Leif chuckles.

Glaring, I straighten my posture, regain some of the dig- nity he knocked away, and switch to breathing through my nose, despite the moisture that clings to my nostrils. Shaer- dan’s humidity is also out to kill me today.

“I shouldn’t have landed that,” Leif says in a low voice. In my periphery, I notice one of the ever-present guards avert his gaze, and I wonder if he heard Leif’s comment. It’s too sympa- thetic for the captain of the royal guard — the elite force of the most skilled combatants in Malam. He needs to control that emotion if he and Baltroit, the other Malamian competitor, are to prove they’re the best fighters in the five kingdoms. Grit wins tournaments, not sympathy.

The last All Kingdoms’ Summit was five years ago, and I didn’t attend. It’s more important than ever that we have a good showing during the tournament. We must prove to the other leaders, my late father’s peers, and to Malamians that Malam is worthy of being here. That I am worthy of being here.

I roll out my bruised shoulder. “I shouldn’t have let you. On the battlefield, distraction means death.”

Leif watches the Shaerdanians through the slits in his helmet. “Lucky there’s no risk here.” He reaches for the fallen practice waster and swings it in an arc. “Not with this blunted sword.”

I move into position. “Enough talk.”

“Oh, you’re recovered? Ready to get beat?” Exhaustion helps Leif forget himself, a benefit of our sparring sessions. Too often, he lapses into the formality he feels the captain of the royal guard should maintain around the king. He forgets I am just a man and he is my closest, if not only, friend.

Chuckling, I switch grips to take the sword in my domi- nant right hand. “Captain and court jester, let’s see how you fare now.”

He snorts and swings his waster. I’ve spent the last six months training with Leif. I’ve studied his movement. He is quick, but I’m faster. I block his blade and push my weight into his. He stumbles. A vulnerable space opens between his elbow and ribs, and I strike. Leif grunts against the pain.

The rhythm of our clanks and curses echoes across the yard. This rigorous sparring session keeps Leif competition- ready for the Tournament of Champions. And it tempers the uneasiness that came on earlier today when my traveling retinue exited the forest and first beheld Shaerdan’s sum- mer castle. The stone fortress is designated for all leaders and dignitaries during the summit and sits north of Celize like a solemn gray throne.

My absence from the last summit sparked rumors that spread like a scourge. King Aodren’s too young. Soon he’ll be just like his hateful father and the blood-spilling regent. Malam’s people are divided, and the kingdom is weak. Under King Aodren, only time remains until the kingdom falls.

Malam’s history has more shameful spots than the sky has stars.

My father was a prejudiced man, whose fear of Channel- ers spread to his advisers and led to the Purge — a kingdom- wide Channeler eradication spanning nearly two decades. The feverish hunt for magic users turned neighbor on neighbor. After my father died when I was a child, a regent ruled until I came of age. He closed the Malamian borders so no one could leave or enter Malam. Trade halted and our economy suffered. This dark time was further blackened when, a year ago, the regent didn’t want to relinquish power. He led a coup, killing hundreds of citizens and half of Malam’s nobility.

The rumors hold some truth — I am the youngest ruler at the summit, my people are divided between support and opposition for Channelers, and Malam has been weakened.

But I won’t be my father.

I won’t allow Malam to fall.

When Leif and I are both aching and bruised, we stop fighting. I lean on my sword, breath sawing through my lungs. Leif tugs off his helmet. He swipes sweat from his beard and shakes out his hair. The usual amber color is now a slick mud- brown. “I could sleep till the first night of the tournament.”

My thoughts as well. However, “It wouldn’t do well to miss dinner.”

Leif mutters an unenthused agreement.

Once our gear is stored in the yard house, two guards follow me and Leif off the field.

“See how in sync they are?” Leif glances at the Shaerdani- ans before they’re out of sight. “If Baltroit would practice here, we’d have a better chance of winning the cup.”

I scratch the day’s stubble on my jaw. The summit, the tournament, and the jubilee are key factors in turning Malam’s tide. We must do well in all three. When Lord Segrande insisted his son be chosen as the second competitor, I complied. Segrande was integral in the negotiations to re-open trade with Shaerdan, and going forward, his support is necessary to boost Malam’s economy. While Segrande and I form alliances and trade agreements during summit meetings, Baltroit and Leif will be fighting in the Tournament of Champions.

Thousands of Malamians have traveled to Shaerdan to at- tend the events. A tournament win will inspire pride. It’ll give Malamians a reason to rally together. A reason to set aside their differences. And hopefully, later, a reason to spread unity back in Malam.

Baltroit is a fierce fighter, but he’s arrogant and refuses to train with Leif. While I could order Baltroit to the practice yard, it may offend Segrande, who has spent as much time training his son as I have with Leif.

“He won’t let us down,” I say, determined. “The two of you will do well.”

Leif shoots me a look that argues otherwise.

The castle’s grand hall is a clamor of voices, thuds, and scrapes, all under the aroma of rosemary and bread. As we pass through, conversation dims and everyone in sight bows. Our boots clack loudly against the stone stairs leading to the third floor, where Malam’s private rooms are assigned. The two guards who followed us from the practice field take up posts at our closed corridor, while Leif enters my chambers.

He points to the stack of letters on the desk. “The courier delivered these to the castle. Also, the welcome meal will begin in two hours.”

Half of Malam’s fiefs have new leadership, and the repeal of the Purge Proclamation has made it possible for Channelers to return to Malam. A difficult transition, to say the least. To stay abreast of brewing tension, each lord reports on his fiefdom. Even during the summit.

“Inform Lord Segrande and tell him to come to my cham- bers at a quarter till.” I start toward the washroom.

Leif lingers. “Your Highness, one more thing.”

Your Highness. Few dare meet my eye, let alone speak to me directly. Some decorum is expected, but Leif’s slip back into formality is aggravating. And isolating. “I’m scarcely six months older than you, and not a quarter-hour ago, you were trying to hit me with a practice sword. Call me by my given name.”

“You’re the king.” He coughs into his fist.

“I’m aware. Trust me, rigid formality isn’t always requisite. Understood?”

“Aye.” His gaze shifts to the door. “At tonight’s dinner, though, it’ll be formal. Yes?”

“Yes. But you may talk with the other dignitaries.”

“I — I’m not sure I can.” A maroon tint stains his neck. He yanks his beard. It’s hard to reconcile the man before me with the bear from the practice field. “Thing is, talking is not my strength.”

Leif has notable battle experience, good rapport with the royal guard, and is unfailingly loyal, but he is also new to nobility. Too busy trying to bring Malam out of the darkness, I’ve overlooked his greenness.

“Talk about the tournament,” I suggest. “King Gorenza will no doubt have much to say, since his youngest son is com- peting.”

“Could work.” He focuses on the floor stones for a long minute. “I won’t be skilled like Captain Omar was with con- versation. But I’ll try.”

I laugh, loud and irreverent. The long day is bringing out Leif’s wit and humor.

But he doesn’t join in, his mouth is pressed into a grim line.

Oh gods. Is he serious? My previous captain spoke in mono- syllabic sentences.

“Leif.” I restrain my laughter. Composure has been drilled into me since birth. “Omar used to say it’s the message that matters. Remember that. Treat this dinner like those at Castle Neart.”

“I mostly talk to Britta at Castle Neart. She’s not here.” The comment comes unexpectedly.

The words settle over me like a scratchy wool throw. Britta and her husband are on their wedding trip instead of attending the summit. It’s odd to consider her married, since I once hoped she would share my life. But . . . Britta is on my council. We will continue to work together. She will still be a friend.

“You’ll do fine,” I say, tone clipped.

Silence, and then, “Certainly, sir.” Leif bows and leaves my chambers.

So much for convincing him to use my name. I walk to the desk and study the letters, though it’s a fight to focus on any one of them. Perhaps Leif is right to remind me that friend- ships should be the furthest thing from my mind right now.

My focus must be Malam.

***

Correspondence to Aodren Lothar Cross, King of Malam:

March 25

To the King our Most Sovereign Lord,

By dictate of your wise council, I begin my monthly report of the affairs concerning my humble fiefdom. The abolishment of the Purge Proclamation has been posted in the markets and common areas, and all countrymen have received notice of the new law sealed by your great hand. May the news be received well. Or perhaps I should write, may the news be received better than it has been thus far. I’m certain those displeased with the return of Channelers will soon welcome the newcomers.

Last, Sir Chilton, who inherited the bordering fiefdom after Lord Chamberlain was killed in the tragic attack on the castle, has struggled to manage his lands. The poor lad. If he needs to be relieved of his land, I offer my guardianship.

Your servant,

Lord Wynne of Jonespur

April 19

To the King, Lord of Malam,

This past month, four Channeler families returned from Shaerdan to reclaim lost lands. Unfortunately, their return was met with opposition — one barn fire, three travel carts destroyed, and numerous fights in the market square. I wish I could report these numbers amounted to less than last month.

In addition, the ore mine can no longer keep men employed until trade demand increases. The line of needy outside the church has doubled. And yet traders continue to come from Shaerdan. Considering Malamians have no coin to buy Shaerdanian goods, the traders must be foolishly optimistic.

Regardless, I hope the bordering kingdoms will welcome our trade soon. They cannot turn us away forever.

Your loyal man, Lord Xavier Variant

April 24

To King Aodren Lothar Cross of Malam,

Difficulties have arisen as returning Channelers have declared ownership and sought possession of land that has been in another’s hand for nearly two decades. Last week, a disagreement led to the destruction of two alfalfa fields, a Channeler booth in the marketplace, and a clergyman’s entire cart of bread for the needy. It’s impossible to say if these actions were meant to harm. I believe they were intended to scare.

Scribe for the Lord of Tahr, Sir Ian Casper

May 5

To the King our Most Sovereign Lord,

Though your wise changes in the law dictated that the market be open to all, the appearance of Channelers has caused disturbances. Truly, I do all I can to keep peace. Channelers have been so bold as to ask friends and family to boycott the merchants that have refused business to persons of magic.

However, not all merchants have excluded Channelers. A new trader in the market square has been selling Channeler-made healing balms. A portion of townspeople have shown interest in his goods. One remedy gaining popularity is called Sanguine. It is a healing oil, and quite effective from what I’ve heard. Perhaps it could be a boon to our economy.

As always, I am humbly dedicated to overseeing my fief’s needs, just as I could be with any additional land you might wish to grant upon me.

Your servant,

Lord Wynne of Jonespur

May 22

To King Aodren,

Calvin Bariston of Fennit passed on from injuries sustained in a tavern fight. It’s uncertain who stabbed him, since he first stabbed two other men and one woman. Calvin was acting erratic, and was, we believe, possessed by a devil.

Rumors started that the cause was the Channelers. Those rumors were quickly proved unfounded.

Scribe for the Lord of Tahr, Sir Ian Casper

June 1

To the King of Malam,

Rumors about the Channeler oil have spread after an occur- rence last week. Onlookers reported that Mr. Erik Bayles met a passing trader in the market square to purchase Sanguine. For unknown reasons, Mr. Bayles became angry and struck the trader, who then hit back, punching Mr. Bayles once and killing him. The trader left town before he was questioned. I’ve sent men after him.

Without answers, many blame Channeler magic. Either Sanguine gave the trader unnatural strength, or it caused Mr. Bayles’s death. Those who knew Mr. Bayles best have insisted he was a hard man to kill. I did not inquire how many times they tried.

The dispute has divided the town. Some businesses have refused service to anyone associated with Channelers. While I could force businesses to open their doors to all, I fear it will not end the division.

I must know, is Sanguine truly harmful? Please advise on how to restore order to my fief.

Your loyal man, Lord Xavier Variant

***

After I dress for dinner and Leif returns with Lord Segrande, I scan the letters I received over the last few months and compare them to the newest batch.

“Anything promising, Your Highness?” Segrande surveys the letters. His salt-and-sandy hair has taken a severe combing, unlike his untamed beard that twists and curls over the starched collar of his dinner coat. The mismatch suits Seg- rande, who is known for earning as many calluses as the people working the fields of his fief.

“More reports of division and opposition. Poverty in the ore fiefs. Destroyed property, disturbances in the market. More rumors that feed wariness of Channelers.” The chair scrapes the floor as I push back from the desk and pace away.

Our retinue spent two weeks traveling through Malam. Two weeks of passing through towns and farmlands and seeing firsthand the chasm between countrymen that should’ve been mended by the Purge’s abolishment.

Those two weeks confirmed that decrees don’t assuage distrust.

We are a gray, threadbare tapestry in desperate need of new threads to strengthen us. But my people have spent two decades fearing the very color we need now. Regardless of the abolished Purge, our factionalism leaves us weak.

Ignoring the powerlessness dragging through my veins, I stalk across the room, drop down on a bench, and fasten the buckles of my boots tighter.

I remind myself that this is why I’m here. The summit, the tournament, the jubilee — they will be the start of change for Malam.

“What of this one? Sir Casper mentioned Sanguine, the Channeler oil. That’s a pebble of good news.” Segrande leans over the desk. His dinner coat bulges around his buttons. “More people buying the oil means more people are trusting Channelers.”

“Look at Jonespur’s letter. Or Variant’s.” I stand and scrutinize my shirt for lint, finding none. “Two men have died, and rumors link them to Channelers and the oil. People believe the oil is dangerous.”

“Fools,” Leif grouses from where he sits on the hearth’s edge. “If they knew anything about Channelers, they’d know there’s no danger. They’re not going around killing anybody.” Segrande abandons the desk to wait at the door. “Some ideas are hard to bury. Those people have feared Channelers

all their lives. That rock won’t be turned over easily.”

It’s always rocks with Segrande. In this case, he’s greatly underestimated the size of the problem. The prejudices dividing Malam are mountains. I look out the window at the city of tents stretching across the land to the southeast where thou- sands of foreigners have come for the Tournament of Champi- ons and the jubilee.

“Has the Archtraitor reported anything?” Segrande asks. “Millner.” Leif mutters something more about unturned rocks.

“Slip of the tongue.” Segrande chuckles. “We’re the only three Malamians who refer to Millner by his given name. Most still consider him an enemy of Malam.”

Irritation hardens Leif’s face. I hadn’t realized he had an opinion about Millner. He said nothing weeks ago when I mentioned my choice to hire the man. But perhaps Leif’s insistence on respect is because he and Millner share a com- monality. Millner was once captain of the royal guard. Years ago, he protested the Purge. Because he was nobility, his defiance was considered traitorous. Guards burned his home, killing his wife. In retaliation, Millner ended those men’s lives and became a fugitive in Shaerdan. Over the years, rumors have twisted the story, marking him as Malam’s enemy — the Archtraitor.

But I know better than to put much weight in rumors. I’ve always admired Millner for standing up for what was right.

“He’s sent no word yet,” I admit, albeit reluctantly. I hoped his information would shed light on Sanguine and give me something positive to report to the Channelers Guild. It would be remiss of me to put off informing them. I tug on my dinner coat and turn to Segrande. “Draft a letter to Seeva. Explain the situation.”

A cough sputters out of him. “The entire situation? The men who died? The rumors?”

I understand his apprehension. As a member of both the Channelers Guild and my advisory circle, Seeva Soliel won’t be pleased to hear the rumors. And even less pleased to discover I waited to tell her. The Guild was reluctant to pledge their support to Malam, and though Seeva serves me, her loyalties still lie with Channelers first.

“Tell her everything,” I command as we exit the chambers. The guards escort us through the winding halls of the castle to the dining hall, where the other delegations are al- ready seated around a mammoth oval table. The chief judge of Shaerdan, the queen of the Plovian Isles, the king of Kolontia, and their dignitaries sit on the far side, while I take a place beside Ku Toa of Akaria and her dignitaries, with Leif and Segrande at my right. Our guards remain in the room, their five different types of armor matching the flags hanging behind them. The mesh of kingdom colors serves as a reminder that not so long ago, Malam was headed to war with Shaerdan.

And now Shaerdan is the hosting kingdom and Chief Judge Auberdeen is the summit officiant. He makes formal introductions and then speaks about the upcoming summit meeting schedule, the Kingdoms’ Market, the jubilee, and the tournament.

When the latter is mentioned, Leif shifts forward, eager and ready. The motion doesn’t escape notice. King Gorenza scowls at my captain, likely because Leif will be competing against his son.

“All competitors fighting in your name must be declared at the March of Champions tomorrow.” Auberdeen sets down a leather tome, thick with a hundred years of rules.

A murmured agreement rolls through the room, and then the meal is served.

The other leaders launch into a conversation, showing their familiarity with one another. Auberdeen boasts about a new ship design that will make it possible to double the size of a trade shipment.

“A ship that large will give you freedom to introduce new imports,” says an Akarian dignitary.

“True.” Auberdeen nods to the Plovian queen. “Like silks from the isles.”

“How fortunate for Malam that we’ve reestablished trade with Shaerdan.” Segrande thumps the table, drawing light laughter. “In fact, we’re already seeing the benefits.” He turns to me.

“Yes.” I lower my fork and seize the transition to discuss Sanguine. “I’ve heard word of a new import in our markets.”

“You’ve snared our attention, Young King Aodren. Tell us more.”

Young king? King Gorenza’s booming delivery in a brisk Kolontian accent doesn’t lighten the dig at my age. He sits languidly on the other side of the table, a head shorter than me, shoulders twice my width, nose like a hawk’s. He has one arm draped on the chair’s back and the other resting on the table. A casual domination of space.

“What item of trade, specifically, are you talking about?” he asks.

“Channeler oil,” Leif answers.

“Oil for Channelers?” Auberdeen’s confusion is mirrored by others around the table. He takes spectacles from his pocket and holds them beneath his unkempt eyebrow hedges. “Is that the new import?”

“Yes. No . . . I mean, no.” Leif’s face is the same color as the beets on his plate.

“Captain O’Floinn is referring to Sanguine,” I explain. “It’s said to be a Channeler-made healing remedy. Have you any experience with the oil?”

“Sounds familiar,” murmurs a Plovian dignitary.

“The oil comes from Akaria, no?” King Gorenza focuses on the Ku, who is sitting to my left. “What do you know of it?’ Ku Toa is older than me by four or five decades, small in stature, and has a shorn head — as is the custom for the southern kingdoms’ leaders. I turn to her, curious about her answer. But her dignitary, Olema, answers. “We have an oil in our land

called Sanguine.”

“Are they not the same, Fa Olema?” Gorenza props both arms on the table.

Olema is an ancient man, older than the Ku, with a face mapped in wrinkles. He exchanges a look with the Ku. “I cannot say.”

“It’s the most potent of all Channeler healing aids. Is it not?” asks Judge Soma, second in command to Auberdeen.

Everyone turns to the thin, lanky man.

“That so?” Gorenza stabs a roll with his knife.

Soma nods. “It’s similar to Beannach water, but more po- tent. Are you familiar with Beannach?”

Earlier this year, Judge Auberdeen sent Soma to Malam to draft a treaty between our kingdoms. Soma was earnest and well informed. His contradicting opinion on Sanguine confirms that the rumors were fueled by prejudices. I know I should be pleased that Sanguine isn’t hurting my people, but the hatred that must exist in my kingdom to start such a vicious rumor gnaws at me.

“Beannach means ‘blessed,’” says Leif, jumping in when he can. “It replenishes.”

A flicker of a smile twitches on the Ku’s face.

“I know what it does.” Gorenza shoves pieces of the im- paled roll into his mouth, chewing viciously before adding, “Even if we don’t use Channeler magic up north.”

“And yet,” says Soma, “at every summit, a Channeler from your kingdom performs in the jubilee.”

“We don’t use their magic, but they live among us.” Gorenza yanks his knife free. He swings the point to face me. “Kolontia hasn’t outlawed and hunted Channelers as Malam has.”

Lord Segrande develops rigor mortis. Queen Isadora’s fork clatters on the table.

“Now that the stone’s been thrown, we can move on,” I say, having anticipated this reaction from the other leaders. “After all, Malam has. There isn’t one of us whose kingdom has a spotless history. My people’s shame is merely more recent.”

Judge Auberdeen and Ku Toa’s eyes slant to me, assessing.

Gorenza scoffs. “Will we actually see Channelers repre- senting Malam at the jubilee this year?”

“Of course,” I say. They think Malam will have no repre- sentative in the Channeler show, like the last four summits. They’re wrong. The jubilee is one event in which I can rest easy. “Katallia of the Channelers Guild will wear Malam’s colors. I’m honored that she calls Malam home.”

Katallia became an ally when she fought alongside me to defeat Lord Jamis. When she performs in the name of Malam, she’ll inspire pride in all Malamians.

“I’m sure it would’ve been difficult to find another willing Channeler,” Gorenza says, oddly quiet. “How fortunate for you that Katallia’s life was spared during your kingdom’s extermination, which you did nothing to stop when you first came into power.”

The room goes silent.

If a rat scuttled across the floor, its steps would register louder than a drumroll.

The pommel of my sword digs into my hip. A call to arms against such an appalling insult to my honor. I drag a breath through my teeth, tempering the wave of intense loathing, and bridling the urge to cut Gorenza down.

The smallest movement catches in my periphery. A Malamian guard has edged forward. Gorenza stares at him, nostrils flared in a look of daring that says he’s primed to shed blood. Any guard in this room wouldn’t hesitate to kill a person for caustic remarks made against their leader, but because Gorenza is the king, my guard waits. As does everyone else, sitting with bated breath.

I’m not here to start a war. I’m here for Malam, I remind myself.

For allegiances. For unity. For my people’s future.

I flick out my hand, low to the side in a staying motion. Auberdeen bangs the table with his fist, though he keeps

an eye on me. “Enough talk of trade. King Gorenza, you have a grandchild on the way, do you not? Let me tell you about what my granddaughter said to me just this morning.”

The single lamp illuminating my chambers is not enough to give shape to the clothing chest or prevent me from slamming my shin into the corner. I hop back, cursing, and yank off my coat. My boots come off next. One tumbles beneath the desk. The other hits the curtain. For a half second, I swear it’s followed by an oomph. I pull the tunic over my head and let it drop, welcoming the cool evening air.

A shadow moves from behind the curtains. An intruder. Pulse ricocheting through my veins, I snatch the sword at

my hip.

The man grabs for something behind him. I lunge, thrusting the blade’s point at the intruder’s chest. He lets out a squawk. Hands hang at his sides, frozen.

“Don’t move or I’ll kill you.”

A blast of wind slams into me, knocking me to the ground. I manage to keep a hand on my blade. I jump to my feet, but the distraction has given the intruder the advantage.

“I’d apologize for using a wind gust to knock you down,” he — no, she says. A woman? A Channeler. Shock has me frozen in place. How did she get in here? “But you had a blade digging into my heart.”

She shakes out her hands and steps into the lamplight. Blue eyes rimmed with stripes of black lashes stare at me from under a boy’s cap. She looks like a scrawny stable boy. “You don’t recognize me?”

The scrawny-stable-boy disguise throws me off. But a memory emerges of her on the same battlefield as me. Last year, she came to Malam seeking her friend, and she ended up fighting beside me to stop the army of traitors from taking Malam.

When I don’t answer immediately, she huffs. “Figures.” And then she tugs off her hat, releasing a coil of raven hair. “It’s Lirra Barrett. I saved your life earlier this year.”

She mutters under her breath about me not remember- ing, and then adds something that sounds like “arrogant arse.”

Any shock still chilling my veins quickly heats with anger. Regardless of our past, how dare she be so brazen as to sneak into my room, use her Channeler magic on me, and then disrespect me?

“You’ve trespassed in my chamber. State your purpose.” My tone is terse and cold.

She blinks at me. Her mouth pinches like she’s tasted something bitter, and then she withdraws a letter from her pocket. “This is from my father.”

***

Uh-oh....when enemies from different kingdoms come together, either peace or war could be on the forefront. Want to find out how Lirra and Aodren will partner together to get to the bottom of what’s happening in Malam? Read ONCE A KING, which you can purchase from any of the links below.

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Books-A-Million

IndieBound

#hmhteen #hmh teen #erin summerill #once a king #ever the hunted #booklr #excerpt #excerpts

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doe-praefacioofblue · 7 years ago

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Chapter 4, Section 1-The Monastery on the Seashore; Scene 3

Praefacio of Blue, page 238-249

♣ Yukina ~In the Former Lucifenia Territory, “Monastery/Guest Room"~

There were several monasteries that offered lodging places for travelers. In fact, during my journey I had been allowed to use such things several times, such as during instances where I had been unable to find an inn out in the countryside.

The Held Monastery was no exception, having a number of guest rooms set up. They were plain in make, but the bed and sheets were cleanly put in order.

Clarith told me, pouring tea into a teacup, "Normally we'd take a small donation for this, but…We've already received plenty of donations from the Freezis family up to this point, so we couldn't possibly accept money from you, Miss Yukina…Naturally, that applies to Miss Germaine as well, being your friend."

Upon hearing that, Germaine happily sat down on the bed.

"Well then, heh heh, I guess I must be pretty lucky, Yukina."

Was Germaine not going back to her own house?

"On that topic…"

When I asked her, Germaine replied, looking displeased, "Apparently it got ransacked a few times during the 'Witch Hunt Order', so when I finally got back home the inside was all trashed. I'm pretty angry at myself for that, and I don't feel like tidying up right now, so I figured I'd find a place to stay outside for a while."

That did seem like Germaine, but I also sensed an incongruity in her actions. Germaine was more the type to prefer working solo, and during this whole journey it had felt like she'd only come along with me because she had to. Why was she taking action to stay with me so positively now?

In truth, I wanted to talk to Clarith just the two of us. Despite worrying it might be a little rude of me I openly suggested that to Germaine, and she responded, not looking particularly cross, "Oh? Alright then. You've probably got a lot to talk about. I'll go rest in the next room, if that's alright."

She moved to the room next door.

"But it really has been quite some time, hasn't it?" I once more turned to Clarith, and the two of us spontaneously smiled at each other.

Clarith had worked as a servant for the Freezis family when we lived in Elphegort. Because she in particular could read and write, despite being a peasant, she was my exclusive maid, as I liked books.

Clarith had often been my playmate. As a child I had loved her a lot.

But, suffering in grief at her best friend Michaela dying, Clarith had quit her duties as a servant and left the Freezis family…

--Well, that was the story as I understood it up until recently.

In actuality, Clarith had started work at a monastery at my father's recommendation. At first she had just been helping out with the orphanage, but now she was engaging in her apostolate duties as a fully-fledged Sister.

My father had kept this hidden from me. He must have thought that if I knew, I would run away from home to go see Clarith. Now that he was unconscious and I was able to freely use his information network, I was able to learn about what happened to her. If not for that I would be in the dark on her whereabouts even now.

Further still, I had ended up running away from home for reasons completely unrelated to Clarith, so in the end my father's deception hadn't really achieved much.

"It looks as though you've kept writing books, hm?" Clarith said, pulling out a single book. On the bottom of its red cover was the name "Yukina Freezis". It was the first novel I'd ever written.

"I have all of the books you've written up until now on my bookshelf."

"You bought them all?"

"Nuns are forbidden from spending money on amusements. These were all donated to me."

I knew the answer to who it was who donated those books.

"…By Mama, huh?..."

The impetus for me receiving information that my disappeared mother had shown up at the monastery had been a letter from none other than Clarith herself.

"For the last six months or so, I think. The madam has started to visit the monastery from time to time."

Clarith quietly started to tell me about my mother.

"She hasn't told me the particulars, but it seems that she's searching for something. If I recall correctly…she said it was the 'vessels of something or other'."

The vessels of something or other--did she mean the "Vessels of Deadly Sin"?

Mama's been--searching for the Vessels of Deadly Sin!?

Clarith continued speaking. "The madam came to the monastery just the other day. But it seemed like there was something off about her. She appeared distracted, almost like…she had been dazed. I was concerned even after she went home, but when I heard from a messenger of the Freezis family that the madam had gone missing…"

"Did Mama say she was heading somewhere?"

"No, nowhere in particular. I had thought that she would beyond a doubt be returning to her home estate in Marlon…"

"How long ago was 'just the other day'?"

"…Four days ago."

In that case there was a chance that she was still nearby. Perhaps we could search for her with the monastery as a base for a little while. I asked Clarith if we could stay here for a few days, and she replied, smiling:

"Of course, you're more than welcome. Once the director learns you're a daughter of the Freezis family there won't be any objections."

After that the conversation moved on to more rambling topics. We talked about what had happened to us in the past five years. Clarith listened in with surprise and deep interest to my stories of my travels.

"Oh dear, it seems we're out of tea."

Just as Clarith stood, empty teacup in hand, the door opened without so much as a knock, and a single girl walked in.

She looked a little bit older than me. Her blonde, short bob-cut hair fluttering around the back of her neck, she set down a fresh pot of tea on the desk, expressionless.

"I thought you might be out about now."

Clarith handed off the empty pot to her.

"Thank you, Rin. Ah, while you're at it you'd be a big help if you took a fresh pot of tea to the room next door as well."

"Alright, sounds fine."

"When that's done, please tell the people on cafeteria duty today to prepare two more meals for dinner."

"…Got it."

Though she seemed a bit displeased at being given consecutive tasks, the girl gave a quick nod.

I stood and greeted the girl named Rin. "Nice to meet you. I am Yukina Freezis."

The other girl bowed deeply to my greeting. "Ah, hello. I'm a nun in training, Rin."

When Rin looked up, she stared fixedly at my face. Her eyes were large, like a doll's.

"If your last name is Freezis, that must mean you're the daughter of the person who gave money to this monastery or something."

"Indeed. I am Keel Freezis' eldest daughter."

"Huh. His wife came over earlier, and now his daughter makes her appearance."

Listening to the conversation beside us, Clarith sternly rebuked Rin. "Mind your manners, Sister Rin."

Rin stuck out her tongue. "Begging your pardon. Well then, is the person in the room next door Miss Yukina's servant?"

Clarith shook her head. "She's not a servant. The person next door is the 'Red Armored Swordswoman', Germaine Avadonia."

"Ger…maine!?"

"Yes, you know that name too, don't you Rin? The one who spearheaded the revolution--"

And there, Clarith cut herself off. Her expression clearly read, "Oh crap".

A loud clatter rang out in the room. Rin had dropped the tray that she was holding. Her face blanched, and her eyes were unsettled.

"I--I'll take the tea to Miss Germaine after all. You can go back to what you were doing before, Rin."

Clarith hurriedly gathered up the fallen tray, putting the empty pot on top of it.

I didn't know the reason for their unrest. Maybe there was some connection between Germaine and this person named Rin. But now wasn't the time for me to lightheartedly grill them on the specifics.

"W-well then, it seems we'll have to continue our conversation tomorrow, Miss Yukina, so please just rest for today!"

Perhaps out of how impatient she was to get out of there, Clarith seemed to have forgotten that we hadn't yet had dinner. She hastily tried to leave the room, pushing Rin from behind.

But they were a step too late.

"Oh, that's just perfect. Hey~ is dinner ready yet? I'm starving…"

The moment Clarith opened the door, Germaine was blocking their way, carefree.

"Uh…"

Rin took a step back, terrified.

Germaine realized that Rin was there. But contrary to expectation, I couldn't see any change in her countenance.

"Oh, who's this? An associate of yours, Yukina?"

It looked as though Germaine didn't know Rin. Germaine, and Rin, and Clarith. It was clear even watching from the sidelines the gap in tension between the three of them.

But that too was just a matter of time. The level of tension between all three of them gradually became equal.

I could no longer sense any of the carefree attitude that Germaine had just a moment ago. She had likely realized that Rin was someone she had a connection to.

When she did, I felt completely left out of what was going on. Perhaps it would have been better for me to play the part of a girl with no ability to read the room, so that I might clear this heavy atmosphere. There was the chance that if I innocently badgered them, merrily going "What is it? What's going on?", everyone would lighten up and break up this scene.

But unfortunately even I could pick up social cues, if a little, and so I was unable to put that into practice. There existed between them, or to be specific between Rin and Germaine, some deeply rooted link that was not just something of a short span of time. I could feel that on my skin.

"…What is your name?"

Germaine broke the long silence with those words. Until that point, she had been staring at Rin's face. It wasn't a glare, but it also didn't feel like a warm, protective look. In the end, only Germaine herself could know what sort of feelings she had loaded her gaze with.

"It's…Rin," Rin replied, as though forcing herself to speak.

"I see…Rin, huh?"

Saying only that, Germaine turned around.

And then, finally, in a voice so quiet it seemed liable to vanish into the air, she murmured:

"Nice to meet you."

Germaine once more returned to the adjoining room.

"…Well then, I'll excuse myself."

Rin followed suit, leaving the room as though fleeing from it.

"…Phew."

Clarith plopped down on the bed as though collapsing. She was soaked in sweat.

"Clarith, what the heck was that just now!? What relationship do those two have!?"

Taking advantage of the fact that the tension in the room had lessened slightly with the two of them gone, I rapidly pressed her for answers.

Clarith seemed to puzzle over how she should respond for a moment, but finally she said, as though remonstrating me, "…I can't tell you anything now. But I think that someday, when you're a little older, the time will come where I ought to tell you everything. The truth about five years ago--about the 'Daughter of Evil'. Try to forbear it until then."

The...truth about the "Daughter of Evil"!?

"Come, it's almost time for supper. It might not be as luxurious as the meals in the Freezis mansion, but I have confidence in its flavor. Our dishes, lavishly made with fresh vegetables, are quite delicious."

Clarith returned to her lighthearted expression. She left the room, a calm smile on her lips.

No meals had been prepared for Germaine and me in the dining hall. It seems that Rin had forgotten to send along the message. Because of that we were stuck having to wait close to thirty minutes while the other nuns and children ate. Well, they were giving us free room and board. Complaining about it wouldn’t help.

That night I made several guesses as to what connection Rin had with Germaine while lying in bed. The things I'd seen and heard while on my journey, the knowledge I'd gained from the Freezis information network, and the "Daughter of Evil" from the "Lucifenian Revolution"--

After putting all those things together and sifting through them, I was able to come up with a hypothesis.

--The "Daughter of Evil" was still alive.

I had no proof, and there were several inconsistencies with it. Even I thought it was an absurd theory.

To verify it--I had no choice but to ask the person herself.

I shook my head to dispel such excited thoughts from my mind. What would happen in that case? If "she" was the "Daughter of Evil", would I announce that to the world? Would anyone benefit from that? On the contrary, wouldn't it just bring to madness the life of a person who was currently living happily?

That was something I ought not to do, for now. Why had I come here in the first place?

Yes, I came here to look for my missing mother. It wasn't the time or place for me to go sticking my nose into other peoples' business.

After thinking for a long while, I got pretty tired out. Before I knew it I was fast asleep.

And then two days later, the time of my reunion with my mother was suddenly upon me.

<<prev------directory------next>>

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magicalgirlpropaganda · 3 years ago

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Ok ok ok so i might get a job at the library because its within walking distance and I heard that theres mostly just waiting at the front desk since no one usually goes to the library so i can be on top of my schoolwork and get paid

I feel like that its a good time to be at least somewhat financially independent since im an adult, and since i was never able to ger a job while i was in high school, i think i should get one as soon as i can so that i don't just leave college and not know what im doing. But i think at school, it would be easier to get a job.

I could also be an RA but there is already one on my floor (my neighborhood in fact. We share a bathroom) and i really am comfortable with where my dorm is so i don't wanna move out. A bit too attached to my living space (ill have to move out eventually but. I like it. Its cozy.) And it may not be such a good idea being a freshman.

My friend whose also a freshman is an RA as well so idk?

Soooo good news. I could get a job. However, i am not the priority when it comes to job openings since my family doesn't have a low enough income, which is completely understandable, so i will probably not get the job.

Kinda weird it being my first job since my friends all had jobs in high school tho. Like i worked summer camps but never a real job? In high school i was too mentally ill, then it was covid, then i couldn't find anywhere to hire me, and now i don't have a car and im busy with school but

If there's a low maintenance job on campus, that'd be good. My school work does come first though because my family pays lots of money for it. I just want a job to be more financially independent, to get more used to having/applying for jobs, and possibly be able to pay for things on my own. My parents do send me money so i can take care of myself, but i think it would be better if i started to do more of that on my own and maybe if i eventually get a higher paying job that my parents can stop sending me money. My parents aren't guilt tripping me and are alright with sending me money, but i just think it would be beneficial for the both of us. Also, i need to practice being better with money in general.

#mundane post

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he-harim · 7 years ago

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yesterday i went to see

my rabbi

*this is my day old memory of what he said and it was an emotional (and one-to-one) encounter, pls don’t take this as Masorti/Conservative Doctrine or a halachic post or anything -- if u have a question about the halacha i mention, i can probably find you a source*

i went in to talk about two things. one was what i should do why my summer, and by extension my life, and one was my ~relationship to god and by extension halacha~

(Next summer I could either go back to Yeshivat Hadar or do an internship and get money. Hadar would equip me better for becoming a rabbi, an internship would help me more for getting another job. It’s been on my mind because since I was ten, people have been asking me if i wanted to be a rabbi. I always knew it was, like, if I’d liked science they would have said “you should be a scientist”, but this summer two rabbinical students and a chazzanit told me I should really think about being a rabbi, so I figured they know whereof they speak, and also the rabbinate might be something I’m actually interested in myself.)

I sat down and he asked whether I wanted to shut the door, which until then I hadn’t thought of, but I was like yeah, sure.

And I started to talk about becoming a rabbi, and I hadn’t really realised until I started talking, or I had realised and knew but didn’t plan to raise it, but I feel like the lechatchila way to be a Jew and live a rich authentic flourishing Jewish life includes as a necessary, though not sufficient, part, marrying a partner of another sex and having children. And for me that’s not really a possibility if i want to live halachically. (even if i met a mamzer or ger or ben gerim, i’m very unconvinced of the goodness of having procreative sex and getting impregnated and then ejecting that baby from myself using my very own organs, not to mention the mamzeirut thing) So I want to give my life to Judaism in another way, that’s part of the motivation here.

(I’ve been reading a lot of a wonderful blog by some celibate christian lesbians, http://aqueercalling.com/, which has been really interesting but on reflection may have given me mistaken ideas about how to build a good Jewish life.)

The rabbi sort of sat with that for a moment or two and then asked me to elaborate, which I don’t know why I didn’t expect him to ask, and then I stopped looking him in the eye and looked instead directly up and away from him at the upper corner of the room because that’s what i do when i talk to rabbis about this, because otherwise i will cry and i am not ready to cry in front of really any rabbi that i know. And I said, “in 1926, my great grandma didn’t divorce her first husband, and... yeah”.

And then he was like... there are, halachic solutions? So I talked a bit about the history of the case, and then... uh. I’d talked to Rav Eitan when I was at Yeshivat Hadar about this, and he said that the Rambam says that the problem of mamzeirut comes into play with a combination of kiddushin and biah, with either one on their own not being a problem. (he’s very much a da’at yachid on this so it’s not what we tend to do today, though some people will use it in combination with lots of other factors, like if there’s a significant safek on the mamzeirut and stuff.... yeah)

Biah is not really in my life plans at the moment, and I’m not wild about kiddushin either. That’s just the Rambam, but according to everyone else the problem is either kiddushin or sex.... so i could hypothetically just get shutafut or something with some kind of... person with whom i had a mutual desire to be and a mutual desire not to have sex with one another? And then, uh, I had to explain that too. Like I just had to whip out all my innermost stuff in front of this man. Seeing as it was halachically relevant. The exact words I used were, “you might as well know all my secrets, uh, i identify as asexual, that means i don’t experience sexual attraction.” Which is a horrible feeling! I don’t want to talk to rabbis about sexual identity, at least not as it pertains to me!

(the relevant rabbi is an absolutely wonderful human being and it was good i think to have talked to him about this, i just don’t... it’s just not a discussion i want to have with non-peer-figures, i think. well, i say that, but i’d be comfortable telling one of my lecturers at uni, so maybe it is just rabbis)

I told him I had heard about the Conservative approach, which is to refuse to accept anything at all as sufficient evidence for mamzeirut. Which i think is specious in the face of a chazaka, 3 generations of documents, and the work of another beit din, for my case, but uh. Yeah.

Then he said he’d make anonymous enquiries about it with some people that he knows through being a masorti rabbi, which I still don’t know if it’s something I want or not (I don’t not want it, I’m just not sure if I’m bothered? At this point I don’t have hope), but said it would be easier if I were laying an actual concrete case before him. (I also had to say I’m not sure where I stand with respect to romantic attraction, so. yeah.). He also said that he believes that there’s almost always a halachic solution to everything, especially a case when two Jews come before a rabbi because they want to build a bayit ne’eman b’yisrael, which I... don’t know about. I don’t. yeah.

Then he gave me some really good advice about whether I should be a rabbi, but we ran out of time to talk about God, so uh, yeah.

#judaism #asexuality #personal #ayekah #mamzeirut #I mean i think this is obvious but like don't... reblog this?

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gadgetsrevv · 5 years ago

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Transfer news LIVE: Barcelona deal, Real Madrid medical passed, Rangers announce Kent | Football | Sport

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip

Tuesday, September 2

Costa Rica goalkeeper Keylor Navas joins PSG on four-year deal

Alphonse Areola heads the other way on a season-long loan

Barcelona midfielder Rafinha has joined Celta Vigo on loan

Rangers complete signing of Ryan Kent from Liverpool

Bournemouth goalkeeper Asmir Begovic has joined Qarabag

Arsenal star Henrikh Mkhitaryan has joined Roma on loan

PSG have completed the signing of Inter Milan star Mauro Icardi

Bruno Fernandes remains a Sporting Lisbon player after a long summer of speculation

Man Utd should have signed Mario Mandzukic

Manchester United should have signed Mario Mandzukic, according to ESPN pundit Mark Ogden.

“Anthony Martial missed the game at Southampton at the weekend, so they have two fit strikers,” Ogden said.

“Marcus Rashford and Mason Greenwood, who’s 17. So that is the problem. They could have signed Mario Mandzukic at the end of the window.

“A deal was agreed with Juventus, it would have cost I think around £14million.

“That for me would have been a no-brainer because yes he’s not the future but he’s a guy that ticks that box of being an experienced pro that the players can turn to and he can be a plan B in the last 20 minutes of a game if you need to score a goal to get back into it. Mandzukic has been around the block.

“They haven’t got any of those players. I understand Solskjaer’s decision to try and change the makeup of the squad and make it a younger squad and more hungry squad.

“But they really need some experience in there and I think there’s going to be some difficult days ahead.”

Transfer news LIVE: Mario Mandzukic didn’t join Man Utd (Image: GETTY)

Alexis Sanchez fires back at Manchester United

Alexis Sanchez believes he wasn’t given an opportunity to impress at Manchester United after leaving for Inter Milan.

“I think that I’m happy when I play for my national team,” he told BBC Sport.

“I was happy at Manchester United too, but I’ve always said to my friends: I want to play.

“If they would let me play I’ll do my best. Sometimes I’d play 60 minutes then I wouldn’t play the next game – and I didn’t know why.”

Transfer news LIVE: Alexis Sanchez left Man Utd for Inter Milan (Image: GETTY)

Ryan Kent on rejoining Rangers

Ryan Kent is delighted to be back at Rangers after completing a permanent move from Liverpool.

He explained: “I am delighted to be back here, it has been a quite a long summer, a lot of things could have potentially happened but I am delighted to be here.

“I never lost hope, there were probably moments when I thought it might not happen but I guess good things come to those who wait.

“I won’t lie it has been incredibly tough over the summer but I am a mentally strong person as it is anyway.

“I knew if I kept myself correct something good would happen soon and I have been ticking over, keeping myself to myself and this has happened now and I’m over the moon.

“I got a feel for what it was to be a Rangers player, I felt like there was unfinished business from last year and I am hoping to put that right.”

Alexis Sanchez backed to succeed over Henrikh Mkhitaryan

Alexis Sanchez is more likely to succeed in Italy than Henrikh Mkhitaryan, according to Liverpool icon Steve Nicol.

Both Alexis Sanchez and Henrikh Mkhitaryan left the Premier League for Serie A in the past month.

“For Mkhitaryan, I think he’s gone hiding. I think he’s gone,” he said on ESPN FC.

“I don’t believe Sanchez is hiding, I just think he’s not doing well, he’s struggling, he’s lost half a yard.

“As for Mkhitaryan, I am sorry, but I’ve never been so disappointed with a player who, at Dortmund, was incredible, but he’s collapsed since he moved to the Premier League.”

Alexis Sanchez left Man Utd for Inter Milan (Image: GETTY)

Jadon Sancho to Man Utd next summer?

Jadon Sancho has opened up on the prospect of a future move to the Premier League.

The Borussia Dortmund winger, who has been a transfer target for Man Utd, admitted: “I can’t tell what the future will bring but I wouldn’t mind [returning to the Premier league].

“La Liga I wouldn’t mind also, but we don’t know yet.”

Ryan Kent is back at Rangers

Rangers have confirmed the signing of Liverpool youngster Ryan Kent.

Ryan Kent has agreed a four-year contract with Rangers and became a permanent Gers player tonight.

A deal in the region of £7million was announced just minutes after the Scottish transfer window closed, with Kent having agreed personal terms and passed a medical earlier on Monday.

TOP TEN TRANSFERS

With the transfer window shut, here’s a look at the top ten most expensive transfers of the summer transfer window.

La Liga sides lead the way with the top three signings, and four out of the top ten.

1) Joao Felix – Benfica to Atletico Madrid – $136.3m [£112.9m]

2) Antoine Griezmann – Atletico Madrid to Barcelona – $129.8m [£107.6m]

3) Eden Hazard – Chelsea to Real Madrid – $106.8m [£88.5m]

4) Harry Maguire – Leicester to Manchester United – $96.5m [£79.96m]

5) Nicolas Pepe – Lille to Arsenal – $86.8m [£71.9m]

6) Romeu Lukaku – Manchester United to Inter Milan – $84.4m [69.9m]

7) Lucas Hernandez – Atletico Madrid to Bayern Munich – $82m [£67.9m]

8) Matthijs de Ligt – Ajax to Juventus – $81.8m [£67.7m]

9) Frankie de Jong – Ajax to Barcelona – $78.8m [£65.3m]

10) Rodrigo – Atletico Madrid to Manchester City – $75.5m [£62.5m]

23:00 UPDATE: TRANSFER WINDOW CLOSED

Clubs in Europe can no longer sign any players, as the deadline has passed.

Bruno Fernandes will subsequently remain at Sporting CP for the rest of the year at least, after his move to Real Madrid failed to materialise.

PSG have had a strong deadline day, bringing in Inter Milan striker Mauro Icardi and Real Madrid goalkeeper Keylor Navas, whilst keeping wantaway megastar Neymar.

Premier League clubs have still been active, with Henrikh Mkhitaryan leaving Arsenal and Chelsea winger Kenedy heading to Getafe on loan.

22:40 UPDATE: Neymar exit would have been terrible

Several PSG stars would have left the club if Neymar was sold this summer, according to legendary former Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger.

“I think that he is one of the best players in the world and I am happy that he is staying at PSG,” said Wenger. “Because when you lose one of your two or three best players in the world, the law in our world is that the following year you lose the other.

“It is very difficult to have players who make a difference, even when you have a lot of money. When you have them, you must keep them.

“When you want to keep a player, it is better to convince him how important you are to him, rather than to give him zero chance to leave.”

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

22:25 UPDATE: Done Deal – Icardi signs

PSG have completed the signing of Inter Milan star Mauro Icardi.

The Argentine international will join on a season-long loan having been frozen out by San Siro boss Antonio Conte.

PSG will have the option to make the deal permanent for £59million. Reports add that Icardi will earn £140k per week plus £1.8m in bonuses.

Icardi: “I am going to give my heart and soul to help my new team go as far as possible in all the competitions. PSG has become a stronghold in world football… I thank PSG for their confidence in me.”

22:10 UPDATE: Quick round-up

Leicester winger Rachid Ghezzal joins Fiorentina on loan with option to buy.

Galatasaray sign 33-year-old striker Radamel Falcao on a 3-year contract from Monaco.

Manchester City have announced that Aleix Garcia has joined Royal Excel Mouscron until June 2020.

Lucas Piazon has joined Rio Ave on a two-year loan after singing a one-year contract extension with Chelsea.

Everton winger Yannick Bolasie is on the verge of joining Sporting Lisbon (Image: GETTY)

21:50 UPDATE: Yannick off?

Everton winger Yannick Bolasie is on the verge of joining Sporting Lisbon.

That’s according to Portuguese newspaper A Bola, who claim the 30-year-old will join for the remainder of the season.

Bolasie, who cost Everton £25million in 2016, is surplus to requirements at Goodison Park and spent last season with Anderlecht.

21:40 UPDATE: Neymar whereabouts

There will be no last-gasp deal for Neymar.

As reported a few days ago, the PSG superstar will remain at the Parc des Princes for the 2019/2020 campaign – despite Barcelona and Real Madrid’s pursuits.

The 27-year-old has flown to Miami for Brazil’s friendly with Colombia at the weekend.

21:30 UPDATE: Pedri deal?

It’s been claimed that Barcelona have agreed a fee for Las Palmas youngster Pedri.

Chelsea were thought to be leading the race to sign the 16-year-old teenager – but Marca say the Spanish champions have won the race.

Marca claim Barcelona will pay £4.5million for the midfielder, who has started all three fixtures for Las Palmas this season.

Quick round-up

Italian top-flight side Udinese sign Watford striker Stefano Okaka on a season-long loan.

Fleetwood have signed Burnley defender Jimmy Dunne on loan for the remainder of the season.

Hull striker Nouha Dicko has joined Eredivisie club Vitesse on a season-long loan deal.

Steven Defour has completed his move to Royal Antwerp from Burnley.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

21:15 UPDATE: Ryan Kent agreement

Rangers have agreed a £7m deal with Liverpool to sign Ryan Kent on a four-year deal.

The 22-year-old was on loan at Ibrox last season, and Steven Gerrard has decided to splash the cash in order to bring him back permanently.

The Gers were initially leaning toward another loan deal for Kent, but Liverpool weren’t willing to sanction another temporary move for the youngster.

If the deal is confirmed before tonight’s 11pm transfer deadline, Kent will likely be given the number 14 shirt at Rangers.

21:00 UPDATE: Quick round-up

Roma have signed Nikola Kalinic on loan from Atletico Madrid – the deal can be made permanent for £8million.

Kilmarnock left-back Greg Taylor has joined Celtic on a four-year deal.

Valencia have confirmed the signing of Thierry Correia from Sporting Lisbon for £10m.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

20:50 UPDATE: Kenedy off

Chelsea winger Kenedy has joined Getafe on a season-long loan.

The Brazilian had spells with Watford and Newcastle but will make his first move overseas.

Kenedy has made 27 appearances for the Blues and was an unused sub in the first two games of this season.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

20:40 UPDATE: Bobby Duncan to Fiorentina

Fiorentina have signed Liverpool teenager Bobby Duncan.

Duncan, who is the cousin of former Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard, arrives for £1.8million with a 20 per cent sell-on clause.

Duncan, 18, joined Liverpool from Manchester City in 2018.

20:30 UPDATE: Quick round-up

Juventus have snapped up North Korean striker Han Kwang Song from Cagliari

Celtic and Kilmarnock have agreed a fee for the transfer of left-back Greg Taylor to the Scottish Champions

Andre Silva has joined Bundesliga side Eintracht Frankfurt with Ante Rebic going the other way on a two-year loan deal

Tottenham have sold England Under 20 international Marcus Edwards to Portuguese side Vitoria.

20:15 UPDATE: Cameron Borthwick-Jackson

Manchester United defender Cameron Borthwick-Jackson has joined Tranmere on loan.

The 22-year-old talent will remain with the League Two for the remainder of the season before returning to Old Trafford.

Borthwick-Jackson, who has made 14 appearances for United’s senior side, spent last season on loan in League One with Scunthorpe.

His last appearance for the Red Devils came in May 2016 against Bournemouth during a 3-1 win.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

20:00 UPDATE: Lewa slammed

Robert Lewandowski should not worry about Bayern Munich’s transfer business and certainly shouldn’t have aired his grievances publicly.

That’s the strong message from Bayern Munich sporting director Hasan Salihamidzic, who was clearly irritated with Lewandowski’s plea for more senior players rather than youth prospects.

“He does not have to worry about my job or the job of (CEO) Karl-Heinz Rummenigge or (president) Uli Hoeness – and certainly not in public. He does not have to – I think he understood that”, Salihamidzic told Kicker.

“If we do not do that (invest in young players), it will be difficult for Bayern, we can not spend hundreds of millions every summer.”

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

19:30 UPDATE: One step closer…

Rangers and Liverpool have agreed a fee for Ryan Kent.

Sky Sports claim Steven Gerrard’s side will pay £7million for the 22-year-old winger.

Kent will now discuss personal terms and undergo a medical to secure his long-awaited return to Ibrox.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

19:00 UPDATE: Quick round-up

Arsenal’s Nigerian international Kelechi Nwakali has joined Spanish Segunda Division side, SD Huesca in a permanent deal.

Southampton defender Wesley Hoedt has joined Belgian side Antwerp for the remainder of the season.

Leicester winger Rachid Ghezzal is in Italy undergoing a medical ahead of a proposed move to Fiorentina.

Jese set to leave PSG on loan for Sporting Portugal with an option to buy.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

18:55 UPDATE: No sign of Bruno…

There has been no change in Real Madrid’s pursuit of Bruno Fernandes with around four hours until the La Liga deadline.

The Daily Mail had claimed that the Portuguese international would join for around £63million today – but he remains a Sporting Lisbon player.

The Spanish deadline closes at 11pm tonight.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

18:45 UPDATE: Henrikh Mkhitaryan exit

Arsenal star Henrikh Mkhitaryan has joined Roma on loan.

The Armenia international, who joined the Gunners as part of a swap deal involving Alexis Sanchez, arrives at the Serie A side on a season-long loan.

Mkhitaryan has made 59 appearances in all competitions, scoring nine goals.

“Everyone at Arsenal wishes Micki all the best for his season with Roma,” Arsenal said on their website.

18:30 UPDATE: Quick round-up

Frankfurt star Ante Rebic has joined AC Milan on a two-year loan. The Serie A side have the option to make the deal permanent.

Shakhtar have completed the signing of Yevhen Konoplyanka from Schalke. He’s signed a three-year deal.

Roma have confirmed the signing of Nikola Kalinic from Atletico Madrid on a season-long loan with an option to buy.

Southampton midfielder Mario Lemina has joined Galatasaray on a one-year loan

Transfer News: Frankfurt star Ante Rebic has joined AC Milan on a two-year loan (Image: GETTY)

18:15 UPDATE: Chicharito signs

Javier Hernandez has joined Sevilla.

The Mexico international has been officially unveiled by the Spanish side, who paid West Ham £7million for his services.

He’s signed a three-year contract at Ramon Sanchez-Pizjuan Stadium.

He tweeted a farewell message to West Ham fans earlier today, it read: “Thank you West Ham for granting me the opportunity to be my home during these past two years. I leave with the best memories and I wanted to express my total gratefulness to the club, managers, teammates and the fans.”

Transfer News: Javier Hernandez has joined Sevilla (Image: GETTY)

18:00 UPDATE: Done Deal: Schick signs

RB Leipzig have signed Patrik Schick.

The Roma forward joins the Bundesliga side on a season-long loan with the option to make the deal permanent for £26million should they qualify for the Champions League.

Leipzig will pay a £3million loan fee plus an additional £455k in performance-related add-ons.

17:45 UPDATE: Done deal – Begovic signs

Bournemouth goalkeeper Asmir Begovic has joined Azerbaijan Premier League leaders Qarabag on loan.

The 32-year-old completed his move ahead of the closing of the European transfer deadline and will remain with Qarabag until January.

Begovic has not featured this season with Aaron Ramsdale playing all four games in the top flight and Mark Travers starting the Carabao Cup second-round clash against Forest Green Rovers.

17:30 UPDATE: PSG’s Neymar demands

PSG wanted a whopping £273million for Neymar.

That’s according to French newspaper La Parisien, who claim Barcelona simply couldn’t match their demands.

It’s also claimed that PSG president Nasser Al-Khelaifi told PSG’s players that Neymar wouldn’t be sold this summer unless an enormous offer was submitted.

The report says Al-Khelaifi was confident that the Catalan giants wouldn’t be able to cough up £273m for the Brazilian international.

Transfer News: PSG wanted a whopping £273million for Neymar (Image: GETTY)

17:15 UPDATE: Done Deal – Navas joins PSG

And as expected, Real Madrid goalkeeper Keylor Navas has joined PSG for £12million.

The Costa Rica international was announced moments after Alphonse Areola joined Zinedine Zidane’s side on a season-long loan.

Navas, 32, has signed a four-year deal and is expected to slot straight into Thomas Tuchel’s starting XI with Sergio Rico and Marcin Bulka behind him.

“The club wants to show his gratitude and love for his behaviour and his delivery in the five seasons he has defended the Real Madrid shirt,” Real Madrid said in a statement.

“Keylor Navas has been part of one of the most important stages of our history, in which he has won 12 titles, including three European Cups. Real Madrid wishes you the best in your new career.”

17:00 UPDATE: Done Deal: Alphonse Areola signs

Real Madrid have completed the signing of PSG goalkeeper Alphonse Areola.

The 26-year-old French international joins on a season-long loan without the option to make the deal permanent.

PSG tweeted: “Alphonse Areola joins Real Madrid until 30th June 2020. The 26-year-old shot-stopper, capped three times for France, is under contract with Paris Saint-Germain until 2023. The loan deal with Real Madrid does not include a purchase option.”

The announcement is expected to trigger the arrival of Keylor Navas to PSG.

16:45 UPDATE: Mauro Icardi to PSG

Inter Milan striker Mauro Icardi is close to joining PSG.

New boss Antonio Conte has made it clear that Icardi, 26, has no future at the San Siro – despite a phenomenal 124 goals in 219 appearances.

Now, the Argentine will join Neymar, Kylian Mbappe and Edinson Cavani in Paris.

Journalist Fabrizio Romano claims Icardi has arrived in the French capital and is currently undergoing a medial.

It’s said Icardi will extend his contract with Inter before joining PSG on a season-long loan with the option to buy for £63million.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

16:30 UPDATE: No Vertonghen deal

Jan Vertonghen is no closer to resolving his contract situation at Tottenham.

The Belgian international made his first appearance of the season during Tottenham’s north London derby draw with Arsenal having been frozen out by Mauricio Pochettino.

But with only one year remaining on his existing deal at Tottenham – Vertonghen says nothing has changed.

“No. I just want to focus on football now,” the Spurs defender said when asked if a new contract was in the pipeline. “I’ve been so long with the guys, I love the club and I just want to play as much as I can.”

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

16:15 UPDATE: One in, one out

Keylor Navas is close to joining PSG.

The Costa Rica international hasn’t played a minute of competitive football under Zinedine Zidane this season and looks set to leave the Bernabeu.

Sky Sports claim the goalkeeper will join PSG before the European transfer window closes today with French stopper Alphonse Areola heading the other way.

According to El Chringuito, Areola has already passed his Real Madrid medical and will play second-fiddle to Thibaut Courtois.

Transfer news LIVE | Express Sport is on hand to bring you all the latest rumours and gossip (Image: GETTY)

16:00 UPDATE: Barcelona agreement

Barcelona midfielder Rafinha has joined Celta Vigo.

The Brazilian star joins the La Liga outfit on a season-long loan deal having penned a one-year extension with Barcelona.

The 26-year-old’s contract was set to expire in June 2020 – meaning Rafinha would have been eligible to sign a pre-contract agreement with clubs outside of Spain.

Marca claim manager Ernesto Valverde accepts that he’s well stocked in midfield and the meteoric rise of 16-year-old talent Ansu Fati provide pivotal in the decision.

Pues una de las bombas que decía Zidane se va a anunciar mañana. Casi cerrado Bruno Fernandes. Llevaban razón en Florencia. @SportsCenter_nt

— Manu Martín ESPN (@manumartin23) September 1, 2019

15:45 UPDATE: Ryan Kent to Rangers

Rangers look increasingly likely to sign Liverpool winger Ryan Kent.

The 22-year-old attacker enjoyed a profitable loan spell with Steven Gerrard’s side last season – scoring six goals and providing nine assists in 43 appearances.

The BBC claim Liverpool and Rangers are currently holding talks and the Scottish Premiership side could secure his signature for £7million.

Kent has only made one competitive appearance for Liverpool – and that came in in January 2016.

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