#star wars kylo ren | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

oh-for-fic-sake-library · 2 years ago

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A Choice

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Summary: kylo struggled with his past, the lies, feelings and heavy burden of being his mothers son. But at the temple he'd found solace, not in the force or his teachings. But you, the young girl with her own struggle in the dark. He fell in love. Time passed, alliances change but his feelings did not. And now he has you captured, but not even he knows what he's going to do with the woman who makes his heart race.

Warnings : swearing, kissing, angst, fluff and general feels, softer kylo?

A/N: the promot for this is: kylo is a soft boi and no one can change my mind. I hope you enjoy my first kylo oneshot 😊🥰

Wordcount: very long, not sorry

Not beta'd

For the first time in a long time he was unsure, at a complete loss on what he should do. You looked back at him aprihensive, fearfull yet he could see the deeper concealed relief and dare he say joy?

Your eyes were wide and expressive, just as they had always been. Skin still glowing its beautiful deep bronze even in the harsh white light above. Your breathing was erratic, switching from shallow panicked breaths and low deep intakes that he knew were used to calm and center yourself.

His eyes roamed you, he felt himself flush slightly thankfully he had his mask still in place. You were no longer a small gangly pre teen but a woman. Supple curves had replaced the lithe muscle youd been youd been honing. Your hands though shackled showed no signs of calluses. And the dress you wore wasnt practical for hard labour, fleeing or fighting. It was clear the rumours were true, you hadn't stayed with skywalker to complete your training. And you certainly hadnt chose a life of a warrior.

Kylo sighed heavily, he didnt know how he felt about your fate. You'd come to train along side him, allbeit not by choice. But you'd still ended up by his side. You'd only really ended up there because you were a potential problem like him. Strong in the force, yet it was rooted in the dark side. The first time youd used the force properly you'd intentionally hurt your father. The fact it was to save your mother from being beaten to death was never acknowledged. As far as everyone was concerned you were a ticking time bomb they needed under control or eliminated.

He remebers you fondly, youd grown together becoming close despite skywalkers attempts to seperate you both. The first time he met you was the day you arrived, a small girl two years younger then him. He was nine when you were dropped off. You were scared and didnt understand why you were seperated from your parents. Skywalker didnt take time to explain things properly. Instead telling you that you were going to be trained and become a jedi. As if you should almost be excited, greatfull even.

Youd cried, pleading with wide tearful eyes to anyone who looked at you to take you home, that you had to go home and protect your mother, that your father was evil and will hurt her. No one paid anymind, thinking you were just a child making excuses to get your way. Untill kylo's own mother came to the school with the news, your father had succeeded. He had murderedyour mother, beating her to death with hks bare hands.

He remebers that day well, the way youd burst into a rage. Screaming at the top of your lungs you told them you were right and you knew he'd hurt her again. He remebers the conflict he felt. Youd been seperated from your mother for only six weeks? If that? That was all it took. Six weeks for your father to kill your mother, and kylo couldnt help but agree with you as you yelled at the two jedi. It was partly Luke and his mothers fault, they hadnt belived you when youd initially told them why youd attacked your father, nor had they bothered to try and investigate it.

Youd even tried to lunge at luke during your initial grief. Kylo had only just caught your tiny wrists tugging you back to himself, curling around you in a half hug, half wrestle. It was then youd broke down, falling to pieces on the spot bawling your eyes out. He'd felt it then the protec5ive rage twistingnin his guts as he tried reassuring you, why couldnt anyone see you were just a kid. A Terrified six year old now completely alone.

You almost looked the same now, scared lost and alone begging silently to just go home. When you were children he'd wanted to return you to your safe haven, even after the death of your mother he wanted to find somewhere you could go, somewhere safe away from the life of a jedi. It wasnt what you wanted, you just gave up after your mothers funera, seeing the coffin had given you a brutal awakening. You had no home to return to.

Yes, he'd wanted to ind somewhere for you to live peacfully away from it all. But now? The thought of releasing you alone into the galaxy left a bitter taste in his mouth. He had lost that benevolence and naive trust in the greater good. Only he could truly offer you safety.

"Sir? Is there a problem? Should we dispose of the rebel and intterogate the rest?;" the tropper began speaking, misunderstanding the supreme leader's stark silence. The unnamed male began making a move closer to you. But Kylo stopped him a single raised hand waving him off, ordering him to stand down.

"No. No i will deal with this myself. Leave us" his voice was low, calm and thoughtful. He couldnt tear his eyes from you, it was hard to belive you were here infront of him. Despite years of hardening himself to his own feelings everything he had thought and felt about you came rushing back. His stomach was twisting in anxious pulls, his heart desperately trying to beat out of his chest.

But you laid still, somehow managing not to fight your bonds that held you to the table. Instead of breaking down into a panic you were looking around the room. He could tell you were struggling to maintain calm as you saw the many tools scattered about the interrogation cell. But you were also counting, lips twitching ever so slightly. It was somthing he had taught you all those years ago, counting when panicked can help you focus. Can keep you alert and in the moment instead of crumbling.

"But sir;"

"Get. Out." with that the trooper left hastily, not wanting to push his superior any further.

When kylo was sure the hall was clear he moved stepping closer to you, hands rising to remove his mask. He paused, should he reveal himself? If he did what was he going to say? Would he be able to hold his nerve? He observed you for a long moment. How should he begin? He didnt want to interrogate you like the others, didnt want to frighten you away, he told himself it was because you could be a valuable asset. But he knew that was an excuse, he didnt want you to run from him, you were probably the only person who understood him.

They said you were an evil child too, muttered about how you were probably going to end up as a sith. That the rage had already settled into you, youd already given in it was just a matter of time. And to some extent they were right to be wary. You and him both sat up at night debating the truth in the force in hushed whispers. Wondering outloud if the dark side was truly dark, or if it was all just subjective. You both didnt see the separation between evil, and evil deeds commited for the light.

Kylo sighed heavily as he tried to weigh up what he should do for the best. He wasnt keen on the idea of interrogating you. But he didnt want to go easy on you and let you go so if you really were a rebel trying to clear your name in some desperate need for acceptance.

In truth he wanted to sooth you, to tell you everything was going to be okay and swear he'd look after you. But again, he was unsure where your loyalties lie at the moment. Afterall you were found with the rebels.

"I know who you are, they told me. Tried to use it to manipulate me" you broke the silence for him, soft spoken and quiet just as he remebered. He held his breath for a moment feeling a wieght lift from his shoulders. You knew. He quickly decided to trust your words. His hands moved slowly riseing to his mask before sliding it off tucking it in the crook of his arm.

"Its been a long time. Your prettier then i thought youd be, its actually really intimidating" You smiled up at him, and moved your trapped hand in a little wave making him scoff at your antics rolling his eyes. Prettier? Of course the first thing youd do it tease him. Stupid brat.

"You havent changed much, you still have no self preservation" he uttered leaning to the side and placing his mask down on one of the trolleys.

"Self preservation? Should i be frightened of you?" You uttered after swallowing dryly, he could see the tears welling in your eyes. Despite the tease you were scared. Scared of him, it made him look away for a second. Fuck. He had to get this over with.

"I dont know should you? Are you hiding something?" He pried sternly whilst bringing his attention back to you, his face set in stone. You frowned at him looking hurt, he just arched a brow still trying to decide if you were going to be a loose end or not. He really hoped not, but a rebel is a rebel and they must be snuffed out. No matter how painful it will be for him.

"No, but you wont belive me untill you look so go head, look. I have nothing to hide" you finally answered shaking your head with the inch of so of movement your bonds allowed you.

"I would rather you tell me yourself. I dont want to hurt you, i will actually help you if you need it. But i need you to tell me everything" he replied a little to quickly for it to be a trap. You frowned for a second, trying to find deceite in his words but there was none. He was being genuine, it made you relax a little drawing a huge comforting breath.

"Can you do that for me?" He coaxed inching closer lightly traceing the side of the examination table with the tips of his fingers. He seemed hesitant. As if he couldnt trust himself to touch you, but the temptation was there.

"Y-yeah, i dont know alot though but i'll tell the truth. I have nothing to hide, itd be useless anyway i know how skilled you are at reading people." You said with minimal shuddering breaths, trying to ease your panic induced shivers and anxiety fueled sobs. Kylos heart jerked painfully. You were terrified of him. But then again he couldnt fault you for that, he was the one whod killed your frineds, burned down the new temple and then fled to the darkside making a name for himself as a brutal warrior. He was now the ruler of a cut throat regime. The feared supreme leader of the first order well on his way to becoming Emperor. And you were at his mercy strapped to a table.

His stomach lurched. He didnt like it, you didnt belong here,not like this; tied down and scared. He hated it, the way you were so defenceless. It disturbed him seeing you in such a vulnerable position.

"How? How did you escape that night?" He hadnt intended for that to be his first question. But he had to know, he needed to know how youd made it out. He had mourned you, the guilt of killing you almost crushed him. He convinced himself you were away, created a delusion, a story in his head as to how you couldnt have possibly been in the temple. He had to tell himself you survived just to sleep at night. And then he heard a rumour, that the resistance knew of a survivor from skywalkers temple, that is was a girl. Your age. Your looks. It had been the first time he had felt true relief in a very long time.

"I was... I'd had another feeling. It was worse then any others, i knew it was bad; something terrible was going to happen and i got scared." You uttered recounting the night everything went to shit and you learned what true evil deeds were. Kylo inched closer, eyes trained on you hanging on everyword. He knew of your ability, empathic foresight, you didnt get visions in your sleep or hear distant whispers in meditation. You got feelings, gut feelings that made you experience emotional reactions of the furture. Youd feel greif before a death, pain before an injury. Fear before a fright. You'd only ever confided this in him scared of what skywalker might have said an done.

"I snuck out of my room to come and check on you, i dont know why but i just... i knew the feeling was about you. It hurt too much. Then i saw him, saw what he" you explained trailing off not needing to state the obvious. You both knew very well what Luke had done.

"After that i ran, i didnt? I wanted to help! To save you but i? How could i? Im sorry! Im so sorry i was so scared... everyone said that we are similar, so when i saw what he did i? I dont know something inside me just told me to run. So i did. I didnt want..I thought he'd done it, that he'd already? And then? I thought that he'd?" your explanation became a sob, fear and guilt pouring from you in harsh waves and half sentences. Kylo's hands clenched as your force came to life, you were almost reliving it. Terror. Confusion, hopelessness, shame he could feel it now as if he were there beside you.

"You thought you were next didnt you? That he was going to murder you after me." He uttered understanding instantly what youd belived. You were young on the cusp of adulthood but still a child, just like he was. And you were both scared, but you had the opportunity to run. He only had a few seconds to defend himself. Had he been quicker he'd have found you outside and would have taken you with him.

"I ran like a coward. I've never forgiven myself" you uttered quietly, your shame rising. Youd always felt as if youd let Ben down. Left him to die, that it was your fault. Tears finally began falling, youd struggled for so long with that. Your freind who youd loved so dearly died because you didnt have the guts to even call out and startle Luke. If youd made a noise, distracted him then maybe ben would have survived. The only thing you thank the resistance for was the fact theyd told you who kylo ren was. It absolved the guilt, freed you from that dark heavy shadow.

He finally rested a hand on you, the leather clad palm squeezing your bicep in a firm reassurance. It drew your attention to him. He held your gaze with a sincere look. Before speaking in a firm, yet calm tone of voice. Leaving no room for argument or doubt.

"No, you ran because you saw a so called jedi try to slaughter a boy in his sleep. You were a scared child who just wanted to survive. Theres no shame in that" his voice was firm. He needed you to understand that there was nothing to be ashamed of. You couldnt help your fear, or your reaction. It had taken him a long time to come to terms with his own fear. To accept it as natural, children are hard wired to run in the face of danger. Run, hide and survive.

"When i heard about what happened afterwards i... i was glad? Is that bad? I wasnt happy with the loss but i hoped it was you, hoped you were alive. But? I thought you were dead, how could you? It was luke skywalker, i didnt think you could survive. It crushed me, i was so happy the temple was gone but then guilty because i didnt stay. If id stayed, helped then maybe we could have survived together" you confessed to him slowly, still confused over your contradicting feelings. You constantly swung back and forth between being happy hearing whispers that ben had gotten out, yet angry that skywalker had pushed ben into the darkside out of fear.

Kylo nodded slowly, he too had wanted to look for you afterwards. At first he belived youd perished in the flames. But as time went on something told him you had escaped. He couldnt put his finger on it, he'd belived he had been going mad. Making pitiful hopless wishes and was trying to convince himself a miracle had happened, and youd escaped his rage.

"Im glad you didnt. Snoke was not tolerant. He'd have pitted us against one another. Years later I heard rumours youd got away, i wanted to find you, i really did. I felt...A responsibility? But in the end i decided against it... snoke would have killed one of us and made it a lesson" kylo barely contained a shudder. He couldnt imagine being put in that position. He didnt know what he would have done, having to choose between his own destiny and the only woman he'd ever considered spending the rest of his life with.

Back at the temple he'd spent many nights pondering the future he could have with you. As sexual maturity settled in he couldnt help feeling more certain in his selection, you were the dream girl, the powerful woman he could rely on. He watched you grow into your abilities and beauty. He wasnt stupid, he knew even though he was a jedi he was expected to continue his blood line so there would be atleast one powerful jedi to play hero and protector of the people for the next generation.

As he grew along side you his mind always invisioned you as that woman, his wife and mother of his child. He had dreams of a small dark haired, olive skinned little boy grinning up at him with your expressive eyes, hands reaching towards him as his own held up a smll toy only to have it force-pulled from his hand by the small boy. There was also a younger child toddling around in the hazy background of the scene. Somehow he just knew the younger cild held the same glowing caramel eyes you had. Sometimes he would hear your giggling from somewhere in the room, other times the scene was mute, not a sound he'd just watch and smile as the two children laughed happily with one another.

But each time he had these dreams a new warmth filled his chest, one not creted by rage and loathing but love. He knew without a doubt the children were his own. It was a dream that comforted him in many cold uncertain nights, it haunted him to this day.

But perhaps it wasnt a dream? Maybe it was a premonition. The force gifting him a vision of the children you would birth him. The family he will have one day. He allways thought it odd that in these dreams you and the chilren were in black robes, bright white surroundings that didnt resemble a house but a ship of somesort. So maybe they were visions of his own future, not just fantasies of a lonley teen with a crush.

This might be his chance to make the dream a reality. It was so close yet so far, the reconciliation he was almost ashamed to adimt he craved. Not that he ever told you that, he uttered nothing of the dreams. But skywalker knew, he was completely against it.

Once kylo left he couldnt help think luke had been against it out of fear, maybe by that point he'd already given up on him. Writing him off as sith already and wanted to avoid an even more powerful generation of dark force wielders. The two of you would have incredibly strong children with ridiculously high midichorian counts. It was possible luke feard the power such a union could unleash.

"I geuss things worked out in a wierd way.." you uttered after a few moments of silence, unaware of how kylo's mind had wandered into old thoughts. Old desires and hopes rearing their heads with vigor and his resolve began building. The excitment and need to keep you by his side growing with every moment he spent next to you.

"I am thankfull for things turning out this way. We are both alive" he spoke methodically, nothing giving away the temptation he felt, the dark tugging him towards you in a new seduction. It was like the force was toying with him, placing you before him once more, helpless and alone. Yet still the same young woman he knew. The funny diplomatic but anxious ridden girl he'd belived he'd lost for so long.

You smiled at his words, though automatic and almost thoughtless they sounded genuine. He sounded sincerely thankful for the both of you to be alive. Slowly you began truly relaxing into the bonds holding you. The more you spoke the more you recognised him. He was still ben, just more; dare you say honest? If that was the right word? Mybe not but you always knew he had this darkness, kylo had always been lurking , pacing back and forth behinde those hazel eyes. Ben had just masked it. Just how youd msked your own demons. You both hid parts of yourself whilst with skywalker. Kylo was the animal inside, raw unbridled power who embraced the force in aggression and victory.

"Why are you with the rebels now?" He asked in a starind voice, the words finally managing to roll off his tongue thick and accusatory. He felt a sickening anticipation his hand absentmindedly rubed his chest trying to ease the tight squeezing of his heart. He was holding his breath agonising over your answer. What if you were with them? What if he had lost you anyway? What does that mean for the two of you then? Would he have to kill you? More importantly could he?

"Im not. Or i was physically there with them but im not apart of the rebel alliance. I dont know what they told you but im not. They said you were hunting me! That you were going to!?" You paused for a moment as the fear inside rekindled. Theyd said he was hunting all force sensitive beings just as vader once had. That he would kill you slowly, torture you into insanity before ending you. They said he thought you had run off to continue your jedi training and that he was furious with you.

Youd had thoughts of him attacking you, with his saber and the force. It was terrifying, youd never out matched him, not in hand to hand combat, the force or deuling. He decimated you each time and those had been just sparring matches where you knew he held back. In a real fight you wouldnt survive two mineuts.

"Calm down, take a breath. Im not going to hurt you, do you here me? Im not going to hurt you, i just want the truth thats all. Just tell me the truth, and everything will be okay. I'm here to listen, id never belive those traitors over you" he instructed slowly squeezing your arm again trying to ease you. To coax you from your panic. You swallowed dryly, feeling a light spark of hope from his words. The fact he still held your words in high regard soothed you somewhat, he still knew you and trusted you to some degree. It was a relief. Tell the truth, you can do that. because honestly you had nothing to hide. And soemthingntold you if he did doubt you he'd take the time to look through your mind before sending you to execution.

"They tracked me down, they were trying to pull me in. They have been trying to recruit me for a while now. They're running low on force sensitive people to throw infront of you. They were willing to overlook my darkside at least untill they find skywalker themselves" you uttered after wetting your lips nervously. You had no loyalty to the resistance or skywalker. You werent involved anymore, this wasnt your fight and youd have no part in it.

You tipped your head to face kylo, a smll smile grazing your lips taking another moment or so to truly drink in the sifpght. He really had become handsome. Taller then youd expected, broader to, he was stunning. Nd the scar across his face would have marred anyones elses beauty but it... suited him, his character it gave him a visual to the rugged edge he'd always hidden. He looked dangerousnd magnificent. Your eyes flicked away frim his before he could see your flushed cheeks. Now was not the ti,e to start fawning over him. He had questions and you had the answers. Everything else can wait.

"I even debated joining just to kill him myself. But when they told me you were kylo i? I didnt want to become your enemy" you added shrugging a little before pausing hesitating on your lst statment. It was true though, you had no quarrel with the first order. Sure it was a little daunting to see another empire try to rise. But didnt that just men without the jedi this is the normal. Empires rising and falling in the external fight for dominance. There will always be someone who thinks they can do a better job ruleing. That they deserve a chance, and if need be they will take the top spot by force. Surely its better to just stick with the devil you know?

"They couldnt understand that. And still pushed, chaseing me across systems! This time they had me truley cornered, trying to scare me, telling me that the first order were after me because im a threat; that you were hunting me, wanted me dead they said they heard it in a transmission" your words grew more panicked, more weary and your chest tightened once more as the adrenaline flooded your veins. You felt more vulnerable and uncertain by the second.

Kylo growled low in his throat, rumbling in his large chest echoing off the walls as if they'd been struck. The force arou d him quivered as he began a descent into anger once more.

"So they are trying to scare you into their ranks?. Pathetic" his lip curled into a violent snarl. His hands clenching, jaw locking for a moment, teeth grinding. To think theyd try to manipulate you to brazenly. Lie to your face and threaten you with him, his fury.

You whimpered, pressing back in to the table shivering, quaking in fear so violently that he heard it, physically heard your body shuddering against to cold metal. Your eyes were closed, biting your lip willing yourself to disappear. He relaxed. The force, shit. He forgot, you were force sensitive and his rage would affect you more then others. To you it would prickly, pinch and grate on your very skin like bladed sandpaper. Cut and scrape.

"I was not looking for you, or hunting you. I toyed with the idea but you hadnt been spotted in the rebellion i? I assumed you were content being away from it all" he acquiesced, mamanging 5o control himself and dial back his rage. Instead he inched closer cupping one of your cheeks urgingnyou to look at him.

You hissed, drew a deep sharp breath cringing waiting for... something? Anything! But instead he held still, letting his palm warm your skin through his glove. You peaked up at him tentativly. He gave a small half smile, one of reassurance yet also questioning you, asking you to trust him.

"i dont want you dead, i never have and never will. Your no threat to me, you never posed yourself as a threat. So i wouldnt treat you as one. It seems noone truely understands how much we care for and trust one another" he spoke barely a whisper, as his hand smoothed over your cheek. You nuzzled into him delicatly blinking slowly, enjoying the contact. It was, nice. To feel someone, to feel him again. Youd take anything you could, any gentle touch or soft glimpse of ben you could get.

It didnt last, he pulled back removing himself from you as he spome once more, tryingt to go back to business. But that didnt ,atter, he had show you a few seconds of almost loveing kindness and that was enough for you.

"Everything they told you is a lie, a desperate attempt on the rebels part trying to recruit all the force sensitive people they can find, even ones that werent good enough to be trained" he stated firmly, dropping his hands behinde him taking on a powerful stance, hos chest swelling slightly, arms bulging in the robes he wore, tugging on the seams slightly showing off his physique.

"They were... persistent i have been evading them for years but? When they found me this time... something was different. It was odd they were trying to make me hate you, trying to scare me saying you betrayed them. They hinted at me useing my darkness, suppose they want to try fighting fire with fire" you continued slowly trying to put everything into words was hard. Because honestly there was so many emotions and caveats that you had to think through and label. So much trauma and fear, pain, regret to force yourself through to explain the situation. All while staying truthful and making your point.

"They dont know you saw the whole thing?" He asked with a frown, surely they knew what had happened for you to survive, or have an inkling? Unless they belived he loved you so had spared you and if so they were truley cruel to try and use you against him.

"No, no one seemed to know the whole story. And those that do? Well your the first person ive told. And I was small, if you recall not even you could find me when i skipped my lessons" you finished with a small chuckle. He rolled his eyes before tipping his head to the side agreeing with a half shrug and laughed.

"You were always tricky to locate, your ability to shield your life force was something i admired and loathed" It was true, you managed to get away with alot because you could effectivly disappear from the force at will. It made keeping up with your shenanigans hard.

"Yes well it didnt do me any good hiding from the rebles alliance did it? They have eyes everywhere kylo." You sighed trying not to let the weight of your failure show, it was hard though. Youd literally wanted to achieve one thing. One tiny thing and that was to be left alone, dissappear into the galaxy. Kylo frowned drawing a deep breath, not only the confirmation that the rebles did indeed have connectiones in everycorner of the galaxy, but he could also see that being found had got to you. You werent playing or trying to hide behind false pretenses. You were genuinely upset, anxious and flighty. you were never one to accept your failures well and he could see being found was frustrating. It hurt him, tore into his tightening chest, what if you didnt want to see him? Or worse, what if you didnt want to stay?

"You really arent with them are you?" He uttered, more of a self realisation then anything else. He watched spinning slightly to rest his hip against the table you were on. He expected you to flinch, to tug at the bonds or yelp trying to pull away from him. Instead you gravitated towards him, tilting your body in his dorection subtley, seeking him out for some comfort. Though he didnt get time to comment or even smile at the small subconscious movement. Instead you began speaking, blinking up at him with tearfully hopeful eyes.

"No, im not and i never will be, this isnt my fight. It never was, i never wanted training or? or stupid force abilities; Why would i fight for the jedi; or even your mother? when they only want me to kill for them. Return me to skywalker to finish training just to taint myself by killing you?" You paused trying to shake the anger frommyou. It was hard though, looking back now everything was a manipulation. You were training to be a weapon of 'peace'. Nothing more, nothing less.

"No way. Absolutely not, he took so much away from me, it was like i was an animal to them. Nothing but an evil child meant to become a tool to use. But unfortunately they wont take no for an answer" you admonished, your words drifting from sincerity to frustration, irritation and finally resignation. He could not only hear it but feel it, it would seem you have relaxed enough to let him sense you. Feel you for the first time since he'd left.

It was euphoric, like coming home in a sense. The same airy feeling. Thealmost dry smokey whistful and warm feeling you always gave him. Yet it was clouded, fear, almost frantic paranoia. Frustration and panic. Turmoil. But most of all you felt tired.

Exhausted, from the years of hiding and running. Fighting and hideing the force, blocking it out. Compressing the raw power inside of you into a tiny space hidden in your mind. Keeping the all powerful force of life itself under lock and key. Surpressing everything youd come to know and accept all while running for your life.

"i didnt think youd try to fight for them, or against me. Or i had hoped not" he offered meekly with a shrug, glancing at you offering a slight tilt to his lips.

"I dont want to fight anyone, but they are adamant i do just that. Apparently i have no choice i have to choose because i was trained"

"So if i asked you to fight for me? For the first order?" He asked unable to deny himself the chance to hear you. He wanted you to be heard, to be given the chance to speak and be given a choice. If frightened him, he didnt know what he would do if you denied him everything. But he was determined to try and keep himself in check and abode your wishes.

"i just want to live. Its all i've ever wanted to do Kylo" you whispered. Kylo hummed and nodded with a tight smile, it wasnt a no. But it wasnt exactly a yes eigther. There was no guarantees youd stay beside him, but he couldnt help feeling at ease with your answer.

"I understand" 'I did too' kylo finished the thought with a heavy sigh. He truley did understand, he wanted nothing more then to live out his life. Not be manipulated or judged for things he couldnt control. The only difference between the two of you was that he found snoke and fed his hatred letting it become his power, he'd wandered deeper into the force and his darkness. And youd dinstanced yourself from the force and hid away.

"You know they wont leave you alone untill you make a choice. Until then youll never get any peace you were a skywalker pupil they wont let that go. Youll never be free" he uttered with a sigh, hewas so ewhat greatfull to the resistance for leading him to you. But also felt a gnawing bitter anger, they had been trying to ue youjust as snoke had used him. He was no fool, he knew very well how much he'd been taken advantage of. He told himself being aware of it made it better somehow? Less humiliating? Yet he broke free of it in the end. Just as his servitude was ending, yours was trying to begin.

He was proud of you in a sense, the way you flatly refused to be a pawn. In a way you refused what he could not. Only his keeper was snoke and yohrs would have been his own mother. Yet even through all of this anger, pride and shame he couldnt help feel an overwhelming pity for you. Because as he said, youdnever be free of them, the resistance. The jedi they were parasites, latching onto anything that will ensure their own survival with little thought to those they damage and destroy along the way. All that mattered was their own ambition and goals. Youd be forever running from them.

"Well not while im here anyway." You chuckled motioning to the way you were strapped to the table with an uncomfortable grin. Kylo cursed and quickly flicked his fingers up, releasing your bonds before helping you sit up. You thanked him rubbing your wrists gently trying to stop the pins and needles from stinging your finger tips.

"You could be" kylo uttered an barely a whisper. Almost as if he didnt want you to hear him. You paused flicking your gaze to him confusion twisting across your face.

"Could be what?" Kylo swallowed as your eyes locked with his, he looked uncertain and small just as your words had been. You were vulnerable in a way he loathed, youd forgotten yourself, your power your drive. It was gone, and it made his heart clench painfully and his blood boil in his veins. He wanted you more and more as it became clear youd done nothing but hide and cower. Spent your years running from the first order, the war and resistance. Desperately looking for somewhere wanting nothing more then to forget about your past.

"Free here. You could be free here, with me. The rebels wouldnt dare set foot here and youd be protected. I would protect you" he emphasised stepping closer, his thighs touching your knees. And then his huge hands found yours. Twisting them in his grasp gently thumbs rubbing your reddened wrists trying to sooth them. Your gaze locked on to his face, trying to read his expression. But he dipped his hed down, his hair hanging down sheilding his face, keeping his secrets.

"Your-your offering me freedom? In the first order? I doubt the rebels would take that well, they'd say I was kidnapped or something stupid." Your voice waivered before laughing humourlessly, shaking your head scoffing at him thinking it was just wishful thinking. Theres no way kylo would offer you a home here in the first order. No matter the history or fondness between you. You were an ex-jedi student of skywalkers temple and found with a huge group of resistance fighters in a makeshift military base. The first order thought you were a traitor to them or something.

"Not if your decision was made public. If we made sure you were seen" kylo offered without a moments hesitation, his head riseing once more. Gifting you a single glance before his eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but you as he tried finding the confidence to say what he really meant.

He felt like a teenager again, desperately wracking his brain trying to find those magic words that would turn his dream into a reality. That'd give him his own happily ever after innthis clusterfuck of a situation.

"You want me to stand beside you when you raid bases and ships like some propergander prop? Let them see that skywalker created not one but two;" your frustrated words were cut off by him shaking his head at you. Growling leaning forward pressing his way between your knees standing firmly before you. His hands trailing up your arms, resting just below your elbows in a strangely distant yet intimate hold. Panic threatened to wash over him for the first time in years.

"No! Of course not! Nothing like that. And thats not to say i think your weak either. I know how powerfull you were, the potential you have. And even though youd become a great asset to me as a soilder or posterchild i wont use you like them, i am better then that" he grunted, his voice somwhere between offended and saddened. His anger flared momentarily, did you truly think he'd be just as dishonest as the rebles? As skywalker and his mother? That he'd use you and cast you out when he was done? It hurt, gutted him to belive you thought so little of him. He knew he had changed but even he like to think he had some integrity left.

"But thats not to say I'd refuse to train you if you wish, help you master the darkside, not fear and loath it." His words wavered as he saw the face you made, the twisting of a frown and the feeling of distaste curling around you like a potent perfume infecting him, becoming trapped in his throat with all of the words he wished he could say outloud.

"Or not, you can stay here with me as a confidant; a friend. Someone i can actually trust" he uttered shrugging, removing one hand from you raiseing it up in a surrendering motion as he began ratteling off another option. That sounded as if there was alot more thought put into it then he was willing to admit.

"Or if you want to take a place beside me. Not as a soilder but perhaps as more... As empress? I'd- i mean to say that... The position is open to you, if you wish. All you have to do is say and.. i would" he stuttered slightly, his grip on your arm loosening as he focused on his own hands grasping you nervously. Running his thumbs across the soft skin of your inner arm gently. He was anxiously waiting your reaction. He may have voiced his thoughts prematurely but? He wasnt going to take it back. He liked you. No. He loved you, you were the only person in his life that hadn't used or manipulated him. You accepted him dark and all.

"Empress? Your empress? Are you? Are you serious? What? Wheres that come from?" You fought the words, wresteling them out through hitched breaths and shock. Your stomach flipped, filling with butterflies and your cheeks burst into a bright blush. Mind instantly latching onto the idea.

You couldnt help it, the sweet gentle intimacy only brought back the feelings youd thought had died. Feelings that had been dangerous, forbidden. And yet here and now they weren't. You werent jedi, and neither was he. You were free. Free to give and take in a selfish love. Free to claim what your heart desired and protect it feircely. Not only that but its what was being offered, freely without remorse or fear or the need to hide. It was too good to be true, theres no way there wasnt a hidden catch. If there one thing you learned is the force doesnt work in mysterious ways, it was exchange. What it gives it can and will take without a moments notice and theres nothign you could do about it. Everything had a price, and to offer this up so carelessly meant the price will be dire.

"I have always liked; no thats to say? You are the only woman i've ever loved. I love you even now" He uttered suddenly, unable to catch himself. He paused when you gasped audibly hands rising to your mouth, covering the shock. He? He didnt just? Did he? He couldnt possibly have just admitted something like that so thoughtlessly. So casually, as if his words wouldnt possibly alter both of your lives.

You shook your head subtly, tears pricking your eyes. It was too much to hope for. Love. It was a fools errand, forbidden, taboo unachievable for your kind. Jedi cant escape their teachings even when they leave the orders and temples.

Kylo grasped your quivering hand pulling it from your mouth before drawing it to his own. Pressing the back of it to his lips, eyes closing as his kiss lingered. Drawing in a deep breath theough his nose andmheld still. Enjoying what could very well be the last tender moment he would ever get with you. A moment he will cherish.

You sniffled leaning forward pressing your head to his chest your other hand riseing to capture the cloak at his waist. He hummed tucking the hand at his lips into his own once more holding it to his chest delicatly. And you both stayed like that for some time reveling in the silence, just enjoying the comfort youd both longed for.

"I have always loved you" he uttered breaking the silence, taking the chance to wrap himself around you, his arms moving to hold you, drawing you closer to him, pressing you to his chest.

"Your beautiful, funny easy to be around and? You have never lied to me or tried to sway my decisions. Not once, you are grown now beautiful, articulate everythingni thought youd be. The first order needs someone to admire, a crown jewel so to speak" his words seemed light, yet sincere. Almost hopefull.

You closed your eyes whining under your breath pressing into him harder. Your hand squeezing his cloak dragging him closer. It was more then you could dream. He inched closer hands finally capturing you, arms wrapping around you pulling you flush against him dippingnhis head down to rest on yours. You responded instantly curling your own arms around his torso. Holding on tightly afraid this was ll just some fucked up hallucination thats goingnto be ripped away. That the force will tear him from you again.

"I need you. Need something; someone to fight for. All this time I've been fighting for power. Rage and hate fueling my every move. But i dont want that. I honestly dont, i want to be more then what became of vader. More then another power hungry sith or evil dictator. I want to end not just the jedi but the sith aswell. Just like we talked about. Nothing but the force itself" His explained softly, tracing light patterns across you with his fingers, flexing his rms to hold you even tighter, press you closer. You both clung to one another as if your lives depended on it. Yet there was no rush, not anxieties just the twoof you finally accepting each other as more then comrades or friends.

"I want you by my side, but i only want you to stay if thats what you want." His words waivered slightly, your ongoing silence becoming deafening.

"It would keep the rebels away if they saw you made such a decision and you were happy and i believe i could make you happy, that we could make each other happy." You hummed listening carefully. Still loosing yourself in the feeling of being so close to him. So wrapped up in his tender hold, your life forces drifting around one another as if trying to re-establish itself. Trying to find the comfortable sweet spot that would revive your bond.

"We could build something remarkable together. You and I, we could prove everyone wrong. And this isnt some sudden realisation. I have always had a strong attachment to you. Always loved you. I just didnt understand it before" the reasons continued to pour from him almost desperately. He could help it, he felt as if it was now or never. That he had to make a convincing argument to keep you by his side.

You sighed and pulled back from him reluctantly slowly dragging your hands across his ribs as you did so. He frowned, eyes searching yours, he made to grasp at you again but you intercepted raising your own hands to meet his, delicatly placing your palms to his weaving your fingers between his own.

"D-do you really mean it? That... that you love me?" You spome in a hushed secretive tone. As though testing him, testing yourself unsure if you could trust youd heard him correctly. But perhaps it was also becuase you needed the clarification, reassurance that he had admitted to something so significant, so utterly life changing.

"Yes, it was one of the many things skywalker berated me for. It was forbidden, you were forbidden. It was why i distanced myself from you in the weeks before, i was trying so hard to fight it" he gave a tight smile, it had been hard to abstain from you. To pull back and desert you as he tried desperately to be a good jedi. To follow the hypocriticall code.

When it was brought down into its most basic components the jedis code was to protect and love everyone as a whole but never become selfish enough to love and protect individuals. The greed of such selfish adoration will breed possessiveness; the refusal to give up the one you loved. This then gave way to worry, paranoia. And from there you fall to fear; the fear of loss. Settle into loathing and hate. Finally suffering; suffer the loss of your love, suffer the greif and regret when you lose all that you held most dear. That was the decent into the darkside. The journy most sith fell prey to. And it all started with forbidden love.

Kylo was pulled from his thoughts as your voice cracked, weak words tumbling from you as you revealed he was not alone in being caught out by his uncle. You too had been warned many times about your feelings towards ben.

"He got at me about it too. I love you too. He scolded me many times, even hinting at me to leave if i couldnt control it" and just like that the daydream was gone, the proverbial spell broken and it felt as if the whole world came crashing down upon you. Just like before, only this time it wasnt codes, oaths and the fear of beong caught that was stopping you from pursuing him. No, it was worse. Status, titles and public opinion.

No. this was? It cant work! Hexs the leader of the first order, a jedi killer. And you were effectivly an apostate. An ex jedi that the rebels were desperately trying to recruit. You were found with them! Brought in as a prisoner and cuffed inside an interrogation cell. Itd ruin his credibility, if he were seen with you.

Kylos heart seized as he heard the thoughts loud and clear. You were projecting in your panic. In the sorrow and anxious devastation. No. No! He wont allow it. He wont let you deny yourself happiness, he wont let you deny him now he knows the truth.

"No. No dont? Dont say that we can. We can be together we can. I can make it happen. Im the supremeleader anything i say goes. I can; we can build our own future together" kylo hissed, shaking his head sharply squeezing your hands as you tried detaching yourself from him.

"But kylo...What would the first order say? Surley they would have issues with me; an ex jedi caught with a batallion of rebel's suddenly beside you exachanging vows" kylos reply silenced you. It was a snarl, a deep frustrated growl echojngnin his chest sending shivers down your spine. Goosebumps rose on your skin, your tummy fluttered. There was something about his reaction, about knowing he would argue, that he'd fight for you. It made you feel relieved and anxious all at once. Youd never had anyone fight for you before, you normally had to do that all by yourself.

"Im their supreme leader. Theres not much i connot take care of. I would create a story of half truths. Paint you as my lover, my secret fiancé who i hid away from everyone for her own protection; that i feared snokes reaction if he ever knew" his words soothed you so ewhat, and he could tell. You relaxed, listening to him intently. It made sense sort of?

"Id say youd been hunted by the rebels because of who you were to me. Explain that the whole operation was to rescue you, that the rebels got to you before i could come and collect you once id killed snoke. And the raid was just me bringing you home.

"But i was brought here in cuffs? That trooper knows im here, in an interrogation cell it cant? I wont be your down fall;"

"It was a ruse for your safety!" Kylo finally snapped at you, his desperation to keep you becoming irritation. Why didnt you trust him? Why did you doubt he could fix it, handle everything and take care of you. He loved you, you loved him that should be enough shouldnt it?

He drew a deep breath befpre cupping the sides of your face lightly. Your eyes closed and you gave into his touch. Enjoying the warmth on your cheeks as his hands held you. You pressed into the soft leather of his gloves silently wishing he'd taken them off. You didnt want barriers between you, you wanted him, just him. His skin, his affection his love everything!

"Everyone knows anything could happen when it comes to those... vermin. I had you cuffed and brought here as a precaution. They could have done anything to you my love, warped your mind, pumped you full of toxins to insight hallucinations looking for information about me, us the first order?" His story unfolded around you, creating the perfect romantic tragedy. Rewriting the script of your romance as if he'd already finished a manuscript. You almost forgot how quick he was thinking on his feet, conjuring stories and reasons with ease.

"I had to do it this way, incase they belived youd turned on me. You could have played the part of a deserter to survive. But now, once ive had time to read you, to peer into your mind i know you hadnt betrayed us. You managed to fend off their cruel games and twisted words" he continued his reasoning, useing logic to create the perfect reunion for the two of you. Setting the stage for you to both love one another freely.

"And you came home, stronger than ever. Ready to take your rightfull place. And the rebels would feel Iied to by their general, of course she had to have known who her sons fiance was, we did grow up together. Theyd lose morale. And we'd gain it. And id finally have you all to myself. With no shame, or fear. Just us together as it should have always been" his rant came to a slow sweet end. Making you smile, grinning shyly up at him. You liked the sound of that, being with him like regular people. Normal lovers able to enjoy one another.

"But most importantly be safe and loved for the rest of your days. We could have everything we were denied, we could be together. Truley be together, do you hear me?" His hands shifted, dragging over your ears, further and further back untill his fingers stretched out i to your hair lightly massaging your scalp. And then he moved nuzzling into you, breathing deep trying to drown himself innyour scent. It was just as he remebered, light spice that seemed to cling to you from your love of the exotic, coupled with a slight sweet honeyed scent that came from every scented soap, shampoo and conditioner. And then the overall delicate scent that was your own. It was the smell of home. The scent that haunted him just as much as his dreams. He'd missed it. Your eyes fluttered closed, melting into him natheing in the long lost warmth of a kind embrace.

"We can do it. Together me and you, nothing will stop us. Nothing will ever come between us my love, please dont... dont turn away, dont leave me. I love you. I still love you and i promise you; swear to you that i wil, protect you. Protect us... there can be an us now. We will never hide, or shy away from each other again" his word grew almost frantic, pleading even. You pressed into him tighter tlitling your head tryingnto tuck yourself into him properly and rest against his chest. But he paused, stopping you carefully before tipping your head up promtpingnyou to look at him, locking eyes again.

"Please give us a chance? Give the first order a chance. You wont regret it. You wont" you tentativly moved to cup his own cheek tilting your head to the side taking in the sight of him. So vulnerable and raw. Sincere and sweet? Hopefull. You couldnt deny him. You knew it deep down, there was no way you could abandon him. Not when youd both finally revealed your true feelings. Not when he already had all the answers, all the excuses and plans. But that didnt mean you werent going to ask what was expected of you.

"What would i have to do? As empress i mean? I dont want to... i wont have to fight? Or officially join the darkside and become sith? Will i?" Kylo froze his entire body shuddered. Did that mean? Were you really going to stay?! He grinned unable to stop the giddy laugh from bubbling in his throat. It was more then he could imagine. The rush of happiness, anticipation. But quickly shook his head before speakign answering all of your fears and doubts wanting to nip them in the butt before you could dwell on them and overthink.

"No, not at all. Not for a second i wouldnt force you my love. Like i said the choice is yours, it will always be yours. Whether you become my apprentice, empress or stay as a freind i will protect you from skywalker and the rebels. You never have to fear them or look over your shoulder again" he uttered dragging his hands over yu, lower, curling around your waist resting in the curve of your back.

"That is if you stay.You-you are always free to walk away now. It would be painful to watch you go, but i would let you. Id have you escorted to where ever you want to go" his promise came with a fearfull swallow. But he wanted to make sure you understood, that you knew you had the choice. That you truly had a choice and he'd respect your wishes.

"Though id much rather have you here with me, beside me. I belive we were meant to find one another again. I really do. I dont want to let you go. I just want you to be safe, to have the saftey and security of a home. Something that had been ripped from us as children."

"Kylo;" you tried halting his rambling, the anxious words that escaped him as his thoughts ran rabid, second guessing his own offer. Would you think he was trying to takl you out of it? Trying to chase you away? Fuck. Fuck what if he misspoke or pushed to hard?

You could see the wild panic, the odd nauseating fear that spiked from him, making the force tremble around the both of you restlessly. But you couldnt manage to get a word in as he began falling into another half anxious monologue of explanations and reasoning.

"You know what it feels like to be manipulated and have your life mapped out for you. We had many decisions made for us, too many options taken from us and we both paid for them with blood and fear. We know how cruel family is. You deserved better. You deserved a choice" he finalised with conviction. He made to open his ,outh once more but you hushed him, a single palm covering his mouth, managing to stop another round of persuasion from the large sweet man.

"We both did... And maybe we can make things better together? We can make a real family, a home and right a few wrongs? Be ourselves without shame or remorse together. One united front? Us against the galaxy?" Your hand slowly drifted to his hair as you spoke, making your decision. Your fingers danced in the thick ebony locks. You smiled when he couldnt refrain from nuzzling into you once more. He really wasnt the big scary man he tried to be. Just a huge loth cat.

"What? You mean? Youll stay with me? As my empress? Youll really stay?" Your heart broke at the tiny disbelieving voice, so unlike him. Yet exactly what youd expect from the old ben. The one who felt so much weight, so much responsibility with little love for himself. Back then he was so uncertain, so frightend to chase after what he wanted because he felt denying himself made him strong.

"Id be honoured kylo. I can think of nothing id like more than to spend my life with you, if youll have me?" You anounced, dragging his face closer your own unable to stop the fluttering in your tummy, or the way your face flushed, and the excited giddiness overwhelming you.

He wrapped himself around you, nose touching your own eye flicking from your own gaze down to your lips, the temptation to press his own against yours and devour you. Lock you into a kiss that had been long overdue.

"Of course, fuck yes i mean i? I want you by my side. I love you" he whispered, not wantingnto break the spell. The euphoric haze that seemed to isolate the two of you from the rest of the galaxy in this moment.he couldnt, wouldnt jeopardise this one peacfull moment you had together. The moment youd both been praying for since your early teens.

"I love you too. Theres just one thing i ask from you?" You breathed out, grazing his nose with the lightest of touches. Barely hanging on to the thread of control you somehow maintained.

"Name it, its yours" his voice dipped low. No thoughts just feeling. Pure joy and eager acceptance. He didnt care what it was you wanted. Youd have it, he'd grant you anything even the impossible. He'd find a way to give you the univers in its entirety if you asked.

"Dont lie to me. Even if the truth hurts, even if its dangerous or frightening. Dont hide things behinde half truths and lies. We have both had enough of that for a life time" you could see his eyes soften the aprihension that your qeustion had caused quickly disappeared. He seemed saddened almost, humbled. Your unsure what it was he expected you to ask, but apparently it wasnt honesty.

"You have my word my love. I swear i will never lie to you, never. I trust you to know everything, youll always know as much as i do" in that moment he swore to you and himself. Made it an oath, his own code to live by.

You sighed fully relaxing into him before coilingnyour arms around his neck tugging him down closer and began rising you your tip toes. He didnt need to think, about his next move. His lips met yours in a gentle kiss. The first light pressing on your lips together soon gve way to soemthing heated, years of repressed emotions and desire. Before you realised what was happeneing you were scooped up in hos arms. Legs locking around his waist your kiss now coupled with hands tugging you against him, rocking you against him in a delicious grinding that only spurred the both of you on.

Your kisses quickly became desperate a flurry of nips, kisses and the lapping of his tongue. The constant pressure of his tongue finally pried your own mouth open. He wasted no time in pressing on, fucking into your mouth with his tongue growling as your own fought his, twisting around his own in a decadent battle. His fingers tightened on your ass, digging into the flesh before thrusting his hips against yours. You gasped, tongue faltering in its own assault, he used the mone tto delve deeper, dominating you claiming victory over your playful defiance. Not that you minded, not in the slightest. You moaning when he began tracing the roof of your mouth lightly, a tickling pleasant feeling making you whine, shuddering and arching into his hold.

"Supreme leader i;" you yepled as the modulated voice of a trooper called out only to stop mid sentence as he realised what he'd just walked in on.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Kylos shout was accompanied with a blast of the force towards the unsuspecting trooper. Not that he needed prompting, at the forst yelled words he'd already turned trying to run as fast as he could in the opposite direction. Only managing a few feet untill he connected with the opposite wall on the hall. The force following closely slamming his helmet clade head even harder into the wall. And then he dropped into a heap of white armour on the floor.

"Oh god; that poor bastard. Is he gonna be okay?" You uttered flushing, giggleing somewhat nervously as there were foot steps in the distance out in the hall growing fainter. Apparently there'd been an audience.

"If he stays down he will be" kylo huffed petulantly. It would have been cute had it not been for the look of murder in his wpeyes, violence on his mind. You sighed before pecking him once more, trapping him in a barrage of sweet kisses between words.

"Kylo. Leave him be... i wasnt going to fuck you here anyway, theres cameras" his eyes flicked to the small cctv cameras in the corner. You had a point. He sighed slowly letting you stand befpre him once more and reached out to retrieve his mask, which you promptly toom from him, holding it carefully. You didnt want him to disappear behinde it just yet. He gave you a look, only to shake his head at you as you subtly twisted the carbon mask from him stubbornly. He chuckled realiseing quickly you wanted to keep looking at him.

"Right~ Come, let's get you home;" he faltered as you stepped up beside him eagerly. It was odd, having someone wanting to be so close to him. He? Liked it. But only if it was you, everyone else better keep their fucking distance... especially if you were there.

"Lead the way" you grinned cutely up at him. It was enough to stop him in his tracks. This was it, his future; your future. It all starts now, starts here. And force be damned he could barely contain the excitement. You were his, and he was yours, and nothing would ever interfere again. For the first time in years, he felt that all powerful hope the rebellion raged on about. And honestly? He could understand it. This was a new, powerful feeling. He felt like he could achieve the impossible. And he would. There was no doubt in his mind now. You'd both succeed where others failed because you had one another.

#oh for fic sake fics #star wars kylo ren #kylo x reader #kylo ren #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren fic #kylo ren x reader #star wars #ben solo #ben solo x reader #supreme leader kylo ren

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oh-for-fic-sake-library · 2 years ago

Text

A Stuffy Called Geb Chapter 1

Masterlist

Summary: It was your turn to help train Matt , and as usual the kylo fanatic was quick to bring up the magnificent supre leader, who you actuallyheld in high regard yourself. Bonding ensues, but you might have gotten a little too comfortable with Matt and over shared some personal embarrassing details about yourself. But it could be worse? I mean it wasnt like the leader of the first order was going to find out or anything... Right?

Warnings : DDLG, Age play, Anxiety, fluff, homour, swearing, closet little trying to make a friend.

A/N: so i cant get the idea of daddydom!kylo finding a little hidden within his ranks. I love ddlg dynamics and really do think kylo has a soft nurturing side thag in canon he hates. But what if he had an outlet? One single person he could fawn over to get it out of his system so he can be a hard ass on everyone else?

Wordcount: fairly short for me.

You entered the break room, cautiously crossing the space making sure to wav out of everyones way lest you become the butt of another joke. You managed to arrive at your destination; the caf pot. You moved quickly grabbing a fresh cup silently praying there was some actual caf left on the pot, and that it was still warm. Luck had to be on your side as the pot poured hot fresh caf into you cup.

"Oh thank the stars for that" you muttered before moving to place the pot back down. Only to pause when another cup emerged from behinde you. You yelped slightly, not hearing anyone creep up beside you, and nervously turned hoping it wasnt one of the bullies you unfortunately had to work with. But you were pleasantly surprized. Instead of a Jake or his little posse of ass kissers and assholes there stood the tall handsome yet clumsy newbie called Matt.

You flicked your gaze up faltering slightly. You drew a deep breath. Oh yeah you had Matt with you today. Not that you minded, you just werent the most social. But then again years of torment and bullying by your peers would do that to you. You calmed yourself somewhat and craned your head up higher and higher realising once again just how over whelmingly big he was. He was huge, in every aspect. You smiled up at him trying desperately not to screw up a chance to possibly make a freind.

"M-morning Matt. Caf?" You offered whilst busying yourself popping three sugars into your caf and stirring. Matt eyed you carefully before nodding quietly.

"Morning, yes caf please." he answered in his usuall awkward yet slightly demanding tone. But his eyes locked onto you, staring at you intently, a slight quirk to his brow. You smiled anxiously youd worked with Matt only once and that was when youd found him abandoned by karen in the corridor and decided to help him fix the little blunder he'd made on the calcinator.

"So i dont know if youve been told already, but today your with me" you anounced quickly pouring out a cup for him and handed it over trying to ignore anxiety building inside of you. You really didnt want to mess up and have another colleague laughing at you behinde your back. You had to act normal. Just be calm and normal.

"Oh good, i want to avoid Karen" he added following you away from the caf pot to let the others get to it. You flicked your gaze around noticing the others were sending you side eyes and smirking at you. Clearly they were waiting for you to make a fool of yourself as usual.

"We all do. Shes err, difficult. Well we dont have much for today but you sir are a lucky duck~ we are working in the rear star destroyer dock today and the finaliser is finally scheduled to dock there. Isnt that cool? Were gonna see her come in" you babbled nerves getting the better of you. He always made you nervous, he wasnt like he seemed? He had a strange aura. Powerful, stern, authoritative. He felt like a; no. No way. There was no way Matt was one of those. But god he was definitely huge enough to make you feel little. Fuck. That was a dangerous thought, now all your going to imagine is how easily he could man handle you if you were a brat. Shit.

"You like the finaliser?" Matt asked following you out of the break room grabbing your tool bags from the small cubbies by the door. You looked down and shrugged embarrassed by the way he said it. He'd noticed your odd enthusiasm.

"Yeah, sorry i get too excited. Ever since i was a kid I'd wanted to see a star destroyer." You uttered twiddling your fingers in the strap of your bag.

"So do you like star destroyers in general or just the finaliser?" He asked this time in a less abraisive tone. He sounded careful, gentle. Nothing like the matt youd seen before now. You looked at him confused by the change but offered him a small smile.

"All of them i suppose, growing up stories of the old empires fleet and stuff? I could never get my head around them. Their just so huge and stuff; even now i get excited just seeing them" you explained slightly dejected knowing youd made a fool of yourself. But still a little thrown off by his change in demeanour. He seemed to back off? The stern prickly aura tht surrounded him mellowed out. It was nice, like he was reassuring you in some unspoken way.

You couldnt help glancing up at him nervously, trying to figure him out. If anything he didnt seem to mind your small outburst, he just carried on wth the conversation as you both walked the halls towards the elevators like getting over excited was a normal thing in the first order. You flicked your gaze away quickly before he caught you staring. Fuck. He didnt look like he thought less of you for getting all giddy over something so small.

"I understand that. They are awe inspiring, an engineering marvel" Matt's lip quirked ever so slightly when you perked up again beaming up at him bouncing back from your self doubt quickly.

"Exactly! We might even see her dock if we're lucky; did you know its the first time shes coming in to dock since the supremacy? Shes never been on the supernova before" you chirped happily scanning your pass at the faster maintenance elevator.

"Soo you take this rag and slip it over the clamp and just pop it here... no this way, remember righty tighty... your right; thats it. Then that way the pannel cant spring back and catch your fingers" you explained leaning over to hold the spring loaded sliding door back out of matts way so he could place a clamp in front of it.

"Huh... Thats alot easier" he uttered with a grunt as you released the hatch door letting it meet the clamp and stay open without risking any fingers.

"I take it the others didnt show you that trick?" You sighed with a frown as he marveled at the now secure hatch door for a second.

"No, i caught my fingers alot see?" He growled, one eye twitching in irritation before holding his hands up showing you a few nasty bruises and small cuts where these finger death traps had clearly pinched him. You winced hissing through your teeth

"They are all bullies, dont let it get to you. They think their hot shit because they work on the supernova now. But like its not that hard you know? Its a big ship they need tonnes of us here. Personally I'd rather work on her" you reassured him with a light pat on the arm before flicking your eyes to the huge ship that was docked no more then forty feet from you.

You shook your head, shoving the longing from your mind before peeking into the hatch useing your torch to dig around for the problem.

"Ah. Jakes handy work." You uttered spying the issue. A lower voltage cable haphazardly bridging two connectors. Luckily you had some of the correct sized wire spare this was a common issue.

"Hmm? How do you know that?" He asked with a frown not likeing the way you didnt sound surprized by a mistake. Like this was a regular occurrence.

"He always uses this for everything. This sector needs thicker cables for the higher voltages going to the star destroyers. He doesnt like carrying it down here because... well im not sure why to be honest" you explained moving over to show him the problem wire. You ended with a shrug but pulled back from the hatch to dig around in your bag.

"All we have to do it replace this small section and it shouldnt short anymore, lets get to it" You said over your shoulder as you began pulling things out of your bag to get to the replacement wire.

"Now see these wires are already stripped? We just smoosh them together and then twist, it makes the most reliable connection... good job! Now we tape it" you instructed watching Matt work the electrical components and secure it in place. Luckily Matt had picked up alot on the job and had not only disconnected the useless wire, but replaced the connecters either end just to make sure everything worked.

"So why are the others so nasty to you?" He asked out of the blue as he tightened the two screws securing the plastic safety cover on the open wires. You stuttered at him before shaking your head deciding to pretend you didnt know what he was talking about. But he sat up fixing you with a single look making you feel like a kid caught in a lie.

"The others, they avoid you unless they are tormenting you. Why? You seem... competent and pretty harmless, actually nice" he pried again this time not giving you any room to deny or deflect. you sighed defeated, slumping on the spot feeling pretty pathetic.

"You noticed that? Well they are bullies" he frowned at that it was the second time youd called them that. This time he was determined to get to the bottom of it,his eyes grew colder. You shuddered. This man? There really was something about him. Something completely feral yet contained? He just had something dangerous about him. But not in a 'im big and we both know i could crush you' way. It was? Darker, refined, pronounced. Honed.

"But why?" He coaxed again, his voice growing sharper. You got the distinct feeling he wasnt used to asking a second time. And most certainly never had to repeat himself a third time.

You swallowed dryly feeling a tense curiosity grow between you both. He wasnt going to drop this, you might aswell tell him so he can laugh at you and be done with it.

"A few things, as you noticed i tend to get excited quickly, sometimes i say things without thinking? They also know about my past failures... And well they found out about my hobby and i became a joke" you trailed off hoping he'd get the hint from your vague answers and leave the conversation there. But he didnt instead he seemed to perk up his gaze intensified.

"Hobby? Not many people still have hobbies in the first order?"

"I know its sad right? Just because we work here doesnt mean we gotta be a bunch of faceless boring old farts" you covered your mouth quickly but the words hd already escaped. Fuck, why are you like this? The one time you could really use a thought to mouth filter it failed again.

"So whats your hobby?" You did a double take before frowing confused. Why did he care?

"I err well i make clothes for dolls and stuff" you mumbled, mixing your words a little bit. Some part of you still waring you this was a bd idea nd he was just going to make fun of you for it. The other more submissive part reasoning he wasnt the type to be refused.

"Dolls?" you cringed at his tone, he didnt sound creeped out, or as if he was about to laugh in your face but he sounded off? Strained? As if he'd been anticipating something like that but had hoped youd say something different.

"Yeah it started when i was a kid... When the first order took over my home planet the the job market crashed especially when the first order began conscripting kids" you paused for a moment gauging his reaction before deciding you should elaborate more.

"There wasnt many options for anyone i got conscripted but I failed the physicals and at the time couldnt read so failed the IQ tests. But my reaction time was quick so they wanted to train me as a pilot but i got terrible motion sickness. In the end they said i was useless and dumped me back home. I failed to be worthy of any resources" you recounted trying your best not to sound pathetic or depressed. But honestly being dumped back home for being useless really did a number on your self esteem for a good few years.

"The only other careers i could try once home were prostitution, serving girl, seamstress or try to abandon the planet and join the resistance. I became a seamstress because it meant i could learn to read patterns and stuff. Luckily because of my small hands i was ideal for making clothes for infants and smaller races" you added proud of your achievements. Although they were small you had done it all by yourself, no schooling or first order academies. Just you in your tiny bunk studying at night.

"But how do you get from illiterate seamstress to first order engineer?" Surprisingly the question didnt sting, nor was it harsh. He seemed invested in hearing how you actually ended up here. It was flattering in a way.

"Oh i had to learn to read as part of my apprenticeship; for patterns and stuff then i learned how to fix the machinery in the warehouses, i was the best person for the job because again small hands" you giggled raising your smaller then average hands and wiggled your fingers at him.

"I could reach where others couldnt when the sewing and press machines died. Then the first order came back to the planet looking for those with mechanical skills, they were desperate. We were taken to the supernova in its early days; just after snoke died and the commander becme supreme leader. I was trained up to keep things running smoothly while the more senoir engineers were sent to the more technical sectors" you ended your tale there wasnt much to say after that, youd gone through training and been assigned to your sector.

You moved to the open hatch and began loosening the clamp prompting matt to catch the door and let it slide shut without capturing your fingers.

"And why did the others laugh at you? I mean you just make clothes?" He pried not letting you escape his initial question.

"Yeah... its everything really? They already think Im too childish and get mysel upset or excited easily. Then they found out about Geb." You grunted, cursing yourself for letting Gebs name slip through knowing that this was going to be the point he began to ridicule you.

"Geb?" You nodded without looking up at him while making yourself busy by collecting your toold and playing your own game of tetris tryingnto fit everything neetly back into your bag

"Yes he is... he's a small bear stuffy, i brought him with me to remind me of home and i make all my outfits for him and dress him up. I made him little first order uniforms and tropper armour and stuff."

"You dress him up in uniform?" He asked his face breaking out into a grin. Though you couldnt tell if he was trying not to laugh or not.

"Yeah but not just officers and stuff; hey you like the supreme leader right? I did him" you changed the topic quickly, hopeing bringing up the man would send Matt into a kylo ren ted talk and get yourself out of the metaphorical hot seat.

"You made geb a kylo ren uniform?" He reiterated slowly as if needing to say it to let it sink in. You eyed him curiously waiting to see if he was offended on the commanders behalf or not. But when he finally chuckled you relaxed before gushing over the small bear you loved.

"Yeah i even did a little light saber too and and his helmet is removable and a little hood on his cloak oh oh and he has his little belt but the best part is his little fluffy ears poke out through his mask and stuff he is so cute, Geb's lived in it since i made it" you cooed letting yourself getting carried away explaining the little outfit youd spent almost a week creating. Matt beamed at you nodding along encouraging you, enjoying the show of pure innocent adoration. But stunned you into silence as he cut through all the talk with one single question.

"You think kylo ren's cute?"

You sputtered quickly glowing red as the huge man chuckled down at you almost cooing sweetly in a very un-matt way. Clearly something about all this had tickled him pink. He looked pretty smug actually. Good lord you hope he wasnt really freinds with the big man, youd die if any of this got back to him.

"Wha; err no. I err i dont err well maybe? I've never seen him in person; not close up anyway but i? I suppose he's probably cute; handsome? I dont think he'd like the word cute but handsome is good i suppose? But I meant Geb is cute... his fluffy little ears poke out the top of his kylo mask" you began scratching at your head lightly, trying to figure out how to get out of this with at least a shred of dignity. If that was even possible. It took your around three seconds to start talking yourself in circles nervously, your thoughts warning you not to insult your beloved leader 1. Incase matt lost his cool about it like he did at lunch the other day and 2. Well if matt was close to the kylo? Youd rather the leader of the first order knew you thought he was hot instead of cute.

"What do you think about kylo ren? You must like him to make an outfit for Geb" ah theres the matt you know and love. Thank god you thought youd lost him for a second there.

"Well yeah. I think he is a good leader, hes a smart tactician and skilled. Hes an astounding pilot and a frightening warrior;"

"You think he's frightening?" You frowned at the indignation in matts tone, the way he tensed and became clearly aggravated made you falter, why was he offended?

"Well dont you? He's so soo big, but then again so are you so you probably dont think he is scary; but to me your both soo huge!" You questioned blinking up at him curiously. Wasnt Matt scared of the supreme leader? Didnt he hear all the stories? You quickly grew uneasy with the mans simmering stare and tried to diffuse the situation by making a little comparrison between him and kylos impossible hieghts waving your hand at him animatedly. He finally cracked a smirk before tipping his head to the side .

"Your scared of my size?" He teased with a chuckle.

"No, i mean i was at first but now im not. You wont hurt me. But Kylo might if i annoy him and well most people think im annoying. But he is really scary he's stupid strong and people say he gets angry super quick and it just... he is really scary to me. i mean people chuckle about the way he says he is going to surpass darth vader but i think he already has in his own way" your words continued, thoughts and opinions on the commander that youd never shared with anyone pouring from you. You werent a fangirl but you did understand alot more of the subtleties that whent hand in hand with the commander and his abilities.

"You do? How?" Matt was quick to ask, he seemed eager to hear everything you had to say. As if he were glad someone else shared his love of the commander.

"His saber. Its all erratic and static-y, people can laugh about it. But that just shows they have no clue to what it takes to do something like that. That kyber crystal? Its gotta be cracked or something." You explained letting your theory out. Youd never really had anyone to explain this too before. It was actually nice to talk about so ething other than work a.nd food for a change

"How do you know about kyber?" You finched back at the sudden cold demanding tone. Warning? Threat? No, something else. Defensive. but your not sure why?

"I grew up on stories of the old empire. My grandpa was an inquisitor, i know the red sabers are made with bloodied angry kybers" you shrugged trying to play off the uneasy feelings matt gve you.

"You know not even vaders rage and hate managed to damage his kyber crystal. So for Ren to... the power it took to do that?" You spoke up again trying to make him perk up and snap out of the eerie calculating gze he had trapped you in. Luckily praising the commander seemd to do the trick. Thnk god, matt was a big guy, he was scary when his mood soured.

"Exactly! Its about time someone understood!" you grinned as mtt beamed down at you with an oddly fanatic look bout him. He relly did love to commander... it was almost creepy. But he was brightening up gain so you run with it.

"He's already got more going on then lord vader did. I just hope people dont manipulate him like its said they did with lord vader. Ren could be so much more. I mean as long as people dont mess with his head and stuff he'll finish what lord vader started, he has more drive." You summrised, in all honestly it was all true. Atleast in your mind, and thats not to sy you worshipped the ruler, well not like Matt seemed to anyway. But you did hold lot of respect and helthy amount of fear for the man. You secretly hoped youd never come face to face with him, youd probably die from a heart attack.

"You sound like you care for him despite your fear?" You faltered for a moment mulling over his words. You hummed for a moment contemplating your reply. Not just to keep him happy, but also genuinely cpnsideringnthe truth to hois statment. Finally you nodded to the huge man.

"I do. I mean I've never met him, if i did id either wet myself or he'd kill me for doing something stupid... like wetting myself probably" you chuckled trying to add a little humour, wanting to hopefully change the subject soon. You didnt exactly want to get caught gossiping about kylo. The last thing you needed was to give him an excuse to peak inside your mind, god knows what he could find...

"I dont think he'd kill you. You admire and respect him, he'd see that" Matt held your gaze leveling you with a stare, serious conviction that was sobering. Your demeanour changed once more uncertainty washing through you as his eyes bore into you. It was enough to make your head ache. But you ignored the light pressure of an oncoming head pains to continue your playfull facade.

"Like in my head? Oh god thatd be terrible what if he saw Geb? Or worse what if he found out i think hes good looking under that mask and has a gorgeous butt?" You panicked playfully, flushing at the small nugget of truth hidden in your teasing. You breathed a sigh of relief as the pressure receded in a stuttered jagged reversal.

"You've been staring at the commanders butt?" Why did he sound so smug about that? Unless he swings that way? oh maybe thats it? Matt had a crush on him~ that was actually quite sweet.

"Yeah, have you seen the man climb into the silencer? Thats the best butt in the first order! Besides toffee face had the old gnarled and ugly covered right? And huckleberry has the pale and sickly outer rim orphan thing going on, so kylos gotta be the young and handsome" you blushed as Matt suddenly boomed a laugh, holding his stomach as he lost himself in his belly laugh. You watched queitly, you got the feeling he didnt get a laugh very often. It made you feel a little sense of pride knowing youd given that to him.

"Did you just call Snoke toffee face?" He uttered chuckling between words still trying to compose himself. But even when he managed to cease the laughter his grin stayed across his face lighting up his handsome features, almost giving him life eyes sparkling with something youd not noticed in them before.

"Yeah... err dont tell anyone about that; especially the supreme leader and you most definitely cant tell him about geb, or that he has a cute butt! Pinky promise?" You rubbed the back of your neck nervously before perking up again and held out your pinky. You froze as you did so feeling embarrassed at showing such childish behaviour. But instead of being put off he smirked down at you, tipping his head forward, raising a hand to hover next to yours.

"Sure, but only if I get to see geb dressed up as kylo" he anounced lowering his voice as he inched forward locking eyes with you. You could only manage to look him in the eye for a few seconds before blushing again brighter and avert your eyes, focusing on the vast open space of the docking bays behinde him.

"Err sure but only if you dont make fun ok? Its bad enough with the others" you mumbled aprihensively nodding to him.

"I wont make fun of you, its nice to see someone recognise our leaders greatness, you idolise him enough to create an efergy of him. Its cute" He smirked curling his pinky around yours sealing the deal with a little shake of pinkies.

Kylo couldnt help the way his body warmed as his mind began twisting itself around the idea of you. This little promise was much more then you realised, he was swearing to himself youd become his. It was only a matter of time.

He couldnt stop. He couldnt erase you from his mind. The tiny naive technician he'd spent the day with. It was rare for him to be so drawn to someone. But you? You admired him, and understood his greatness more then most, understood him more than even he could ever imagine. You belived in him, worshipped him! It had taken everything in him not to reveal himself then and there. To tell you how right you were, how smart he thought you were. But he hadnt. He'd simply left the shift with a spring in his step. The knowledge that someone as sweet and innocent aboard the ship actually respected him was enough to make him giddy. And he didnt get giddy. He'd quickly brought the undercover project to an end after that. Not wanting to endure another day with irritating jobs worths and bitching. And he was far to tempted to smuggle you into the safety of his own chambers. Word got out about the whole thing, and that Matt was actually kylo. Some people suspected as much but by that point he didnt care. He was too wrapped up with thoughts of his tiny technician.

He had suspicions on the type of woman you were. Shy, sweet kind and open hearted. But naive and excitable a childlike quality. something he adored and secretly craved. There was something that pulled him to such a woman. He'd dabbled in erotica, reading up on all types of fantasies during those odd few years after escapeing to the darkside. Suddenly he was free to explore in that respect. Reading kink, watching porn on the holonet and having his first few sexual encounters. He thought it was strange but it was the careing aspect of control he craved more then anything. He had odd tastes in sex had lead him to almost abstinence. He liked being called daddy, loved being much larger then his partner. Feeling needed, having soemone obey him because they trusted him to make the right decisions. He needed someone to be his entirely, someone to absolutly adore him and listen. Someone fun who could brighten up his days. He just wanted one person to give themselves to him entirely without an ulterior motive. But it was difficult to find such a woman aboard the supremacy, they all had plans to ensnare him in some stupid plot to fame and fortune or worse. Children. Sure he was aware oneday he'd have to continue his legacy but not now, not in the middle of a god damned war!

But here he may have found what he was truley looking for in you. He wanted a permanent lover, sweet, small and genuinely innocent. You were unique a gentle somewhat clumsy person with little quirks, enough little quirks for him to wonder if you were indeed a little. He was no expert, he'd only ever really seen and played with littles in the clubs he and his knights frequented when the stress of the military got too much. But you were sending all the signals, maybe he just needed to take the reigns and give a few sharp tugs to snap you into little space. From the looks of it, you wouldnt need much coaxing. Well unless nerves got in the way but a few swift trips over his knee and some playful swats would probably be enough to stop any denile.

The anticipation that quivered inside of him, shook him to his core. Sweet, small, naive and breakable. A little. Fuck. A little here of all places?! Double fuck. Now was not the time to find that kind of gem! But then again who was he to kick a gift horse in the mouth? For such a rarity to wind up here of all places and land in his lap like that must be a sign from the universe? You must be a reward, you were perfect! And you were his. He just had to draw you in. He needed a reason to see you, a reason to get you to his chambers. And then he just had to keep you there.

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