#squallers

[capinejghafa]

anon request | squallers + hand gestures

[atac-agent]

Stay With Me

masterlist

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2027

Summary: Zoya takes care of a sick Nikolai, who happens to be down with the flu.

---

The fierce winter winds howled outside, as Nikolai Lantsov lay in his bed, pale and feverish. The once vibrant and indomitable king now appeared frail, his skin flushed and clammy, his breath coming in labored gasps. The room was cold, despite the roaring fire in the hearth, the chill seeping through the stone walls and biting at Zoya's skin.

Zoya stood by his side, her expression a mask of composure that hid the turmoil within. She had seen him wounded before, seen him on the brink of death more times than she cared to count, but this was different. This was an enemy she couldn’t fight, an illness that didn’t respond to her powers or to any remedy they could find.

"Nik," she murmured, her voice barely audible over the wind. "You need to rest."

Nikolai’s eyes fluttered open, and he managed a weak smile. "Rest is for the dead, my dear," he replied, his voice hoarse. "And I am not quite there yet."

Zoya’s heart clenched at his words. "Don’t say that," she said sharply, her fingers tightening around the edge of the blanket. "You’re going to get better."

He reached out a trembling hand, covering hers with a touch that was both comforting and heartbreaking. "Zoya," he said softly, "we both know that’s not true. The healers have done all they can, and even you…" He trailed off, the unspoken words hanging heavy in the air.

Zoya looked away, unable to meet his gaze. She had tried everything, pouring all her power into him, but nothing worked. The flu was relentless, a silent killer that showed no mercy.

"I can't lose you," she whispered, her voice breaking.

Nikolai squeezed her hand gently. "You are stronger than you know," he said. "And Ravka needs you. You’ve always been the strength behind the throne, Zoya. You can lead them without me."

"I don’t want to lead without you. You are the heart of Ravka."

He smiled then; a ghost of his usual grin. "Then you’ll have to be its heart and soul."

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she blinked them back. She had to be strong for him, for Ravka, for herself. "I don’t know how to do this without you," she admitted.

"You’ll find a way," he assured her. "You always do."

Hours passed, the night dragging on in a haze of fever and whispered conversations. Nikolai spoke of plans and contingencies, of allies and enemies, trying to prepare her for a future without him.

It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he knew it was necessary. He had to make sure she would be alright, even if he wasn’t there to see it.

"You know, when I’m gone, you should really redecorate this room. Maybe something less gloomy. Brighten it up a bit."

Zoya rolled her eyes, despite the ache in her chest. "Stop talking like that," she said, her voice hard. "You’re not going anywhere."

"Always the optimist," he chuckled weakly. "But seriously, Zoya. Promise me you’ll take care of things. Of yourself. Of Ravka."

"I promise," she said, her voice trembling. "But I’m not giving up on you. You’re too stubborn to die from something as mundane as the flu."

"I do like to make a grand exit," he admitted with a tired smile. "But just in case, you should know… I trust you. More than anyone. You’ll make a fantastic queen."

Zoya’s breath caught in her throat. "Don’t you dare," she whispered fiercely. "Don’t you dare leave me."

His eyes softened, and he reached up to touch her cheek. "I wish I didn’t have to," he said. "But you’ll be alright. You’re the strongest person I know."

She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes against the flood of emotions. "You’re not allowed to die, Nikolai Lantsov," she said, her voice breaking. "I forbid it."

He tried to laugh, but it quickly turned into a fit of coughing that left him gasping for breath. "Is that an order, my Queen?" he managed to choke out between coughs.

"Yes," she replied, her voice trembling as she handed him a cloth to wipe his mouth. "An order from your queen."

His smile faded, replaced by a look of profound sadness. "I wish I could obey," he said softly. "But some things are beyond even a privateer’s control."

The night dragged on, and Nikolai grew weaker, his breathing more labored. Zoya stayed by his side, refusing to leave him even for a moment. She held his hand, whispered reassurances, and tried to keep the fear at bay.

Nikolai's coughs continued to grow frequent through the night, each one more violent than the last. The sound echoed through the room, a harsh reminder of the relentless grip of his illness. Zoya clung to his hand, trying to pour her strength into him, but she could feel him slipping away.

The room seemed to close in around them, the walls a silent witness to their anguish.

"Stay with me," she whispered, her voice trembling with desperation. "Just a little longer."

Nikolai's eyes flickered open, and he managed a faint smile. "I'm trying," he coughed, his voice barely above a whisper. "But it's hard, Zoya. So hard."

She brushed a damp lock of hair from his forehead, her touch tender despite the turmoil inside her. "You have to keep fighting," she said, her voice fierce. "For me. For Ravka."

He closed his eyes, a pained expression crossing his face. "I'm so tired," he admitted. "I don't know if I can."

Zoya's heart clenched at his words. She had never seen him like this, so vulnerable, so close to giving up. She had to be strong for him, had to keep him grounded in the world of the living.

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she blinked them back. She had to be strong for him, had to show him that she could carry on. "I can't lose you," she whispered, her voice breaking. "Not now. Not ever."

His eyes fluttered open, and he looked at her with a mixture of love and sadness. "You won't lose me," he said softly. "I'll always be with you. In your heart."

The minutes stretched into an eternity, the night closing in around them. Each cough wracked Nikolai's body, leaving him weaker, his breaths more labored. Zoya's heart ached with every labored inhale, every painful exhale.

"Do you remember," she said softly, trying to distract him from the pain, "the night we first met?

Nikolai's lips twitched in a faint smile. "I remember," he said, his voice barely audible. "You saw right through me."

"And you never gave up," she continued, her voice thick with emotion. "You fought for Ravka, for all of us."

His eyes opened, and for a moment, there was clarity in his gaze. "Promise me you'll keep fighting, even when I'm gone."

A sob caught in her throat, but she forced it down. She had to be strong for him, had to keep him grounded in the world of the living.

"I promise," she said, her voice breaking. "But you're not gone yet, Nikolai. Stay with me. Please."

"Zoya, I. .. I love you."

The words broke something inside her, and she felt tears spill down her cheeks. "I love you too." She leaned over him, pressing a gentle kiss to his burning forehead. "So much. Please, don't leave me."

He gripped her strong hands with his pale and trembling fingers and pressed her knuckles to his lips. "Be strong," he whispered, "for me."

And then, with a quiet exhale, Nikolai Lantsov, King of Ravka, grew still. His hand went limp in hers, and Zoya felt a profound emptiness settle in the room.

He was gone.

Gone.

For a moment, she couldn't breathe, couldn't think. She stared at his still form, unable to comprehend the reality of his death.

"No," she whispered, her voice breaking. "No, please. Come back. Please, Nikolai."

But there was no response, no sign of life. The man who had been her anchor, her strength, was gone, leaving her alone in a world that suddenly felt unbearably empty.

She clung to him, her tears falling onto his lifeless chest. "You promised," she sobbed. "You promised you wouldn't leave me."

She couldn't contain her grief any longer. She screamed.

She screamed, a guttural cry that echoed through the room and mingled with the howling wind outside. It was a raw, primal sound of loss and anguish, carried away by the winds that seemed to mourn with her.

Outside, the storm raged on.

Zoya's heart felt shattered, her entire being consumed by the void left in Nikolai's absence. She collapsed beside his bed, her sobs wracking her body.

Eventually, the healers came, their faces solemn as they gently took Nikolai's body away. Zoya stood frozen, her eyes fixed on Nikolai's still form, unable to fully grasp the finality of his absence.

She watched them go mechanically, her movements slow and deliberate, as though moving through thick fog. The world seemed to move around her, but Zoya felt suspended in a moment that refused to end.

It was Genya's gentle touch on her shoulder that finally broke through the haze. Zoya turned to her, tears streaming down her face.

"We need to go," Genya said softly, her voice breaking the silence that enveloped them.

Zoya nodded wordlessly, allowing Genya to guide her out of the room.

Each step felt heavy with the weight of the loss. As they walked away from Nikolai's bedside, Zoya couldn't shake the feeling that a part of her had been left behind with him.

Outside, the morning light filtered through the windows, casting a somber glow over the palace halls.

"Zoya, we need you. Ravka needs you."

Zoya took a deep breath, steeling herself against the pain. She had promised Nikolai she would be strong, that she would carry on. She couldn't let him down.

"I know," she said, her voice steady despite the tears still streaming down her face. "I'll be there."

Genya nodded silently. She knew this feeling.

"I remember when David..." Genya began softly, her voice carrying the weight of her own memories. "When he died, it felt like the world had stopped. Like I couldn't breathe without him."

Zoya looked at her, gratitude mingling with her grief. "How did you do it?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "How did you cope with it?"

Genya sighed, her eyes reflecting the pain of her past loss. "At first, I didn't cope. I just existed, moving through the days because I had to. But then I realized... David wouldn't want me to just exist. He would want me to live, to find purpose again."

Zoya listened intently, drawing strength from Genya's words. "And did you?" she asked, her voice trembling.

Genya nodded, a small smile touching her lips despite the sadness in her eyes. "It took time, Zoya. Time and the support of friends like you. I found solace in helping others, in channeling my grief into something meaningful."

"You did everything you could," She murmured softly, brushing a strand of hair from Zoya's tear-streaked face. "He knew that. Nikolai knew."

"But it wasn't enough," Zoya whispered, her voice filled with anguish.

Zoya swallowed hard. "I want to honor Nikolai's memory," she admitted, her voice wavering. "But right now, I don't know how."

Genya reached out, squeezing Zoya's hand gently. "You will," she said with quiet conviction. "In your own time, in your own way. And until then, I'll be here for you, just like you were there for me."

They stood together in the alcove, the two women bound by grief and resilience.

As the morning light grew brighter outside, casting long shadows on the palace walls, Zoya felt a flicker of determination ignite within her.

She would carry on for Nikolai, for Ravka, and for herself, knowing that though his physical presence was gone, his legacy would endure in the strength of those who loved him. With Genya beside her, offering silent support and understanding, Zoya took a deep breath, ready to face the challenges ahead with newfound resolve and purpose.

[livi223]

Shadow and Bones side done, Six of Crows next.

What should I do on the back?

[iamfear]

The seven Grishaverse au

Percy: Tidemaker

Annabeth: Durast

Jason: Squaller

Piper: Heartrender

Leo: Inferni

Hazel: Durast

Frank: Tailor

Nico: Durast

Reyna: Heartrender

[art-richu]

"Zoya fisted her hands, her fear and rage pouring from her in a flood. A churning wall of wind erupted around her"

sketches of Zoya Nazyalensky during the scene from Rule of Wolves

[witchcraftandgeekness]

shadow and bone spoilers yet again

Okay, what i really like about this season is that grisha powers were actually expanded. Not only Summoners, but others too. These fireballs from Inferni/burning the forest in their wake, ice blades from Tidemakers, real squalls and even lightning from Squallers. We had too little of Alkemi (I think they only had this boy Vadim and nothing particular, only him mentioning what he did). We saw Corporeals pretty much in the last season.

But the best part is Durasts. They were very ignored in the books and we saw little of their powers (mostly things they already created). In this season we watched Jesper using his powers many times and thanks to Neyar and some other scenes we witnessed how ACTUALLY dangerous this order is. They can use metals in such big variety of ways. And the battle with Neyar was actually so epic, they all were practically useless in this fight and if not Kaz's performance with bringing in her husband they would clearly have no opportunity to win. And the moment when she mentioned that blood has a lot of metal in it and used it against them is so terrifying, really.

[sage-thetravler]

you know what my mind thought up? What vines/audios the grisha orders would be.

so my lovley followers or whoever finds this here’s the first part.

Inferni: burning?? *looking around* What burning..roof burning what the fuc-

squaller: is this what you want?! *holding up a metal pole* come on! Strike me down god- you don’t even have the ba- *another squaller hits it with lightning*

Fabricaktor/Durast: very nice box! *stares at box* for my trinkets- another box for my trinkets. what’s going on?? It’s trinketviLLE-

Tailors: *while doing disguise for something* if the men find out we can shapeshift their going to tell the church,

alchemi: the posion..the posion for kusco. Yes that posion- the posion specifically for kusco. Kuscos posion.

healers: y-your not gonna shoot that puppy (kill that guy) are you Jack??

heartrenders: *constricting their lungs* yeah in the face why?

bonus darkling:

Darkling in whatever hell he got sent to: NIKOLAI- don’t leave me here Nikolai! NIKOLAI- HELP ME-

[cozy-possum]

i just have to say that i love your grisha headcanons, especially the one about different types of grisha + body horror <3 do you have any more headcanons or ideas like that?? i'd love to hear them! it's such an underutilised idea around powered beings!!!

AA thank you!!! I was surprised more people haven't though about it!

Support My Writing?

OG Post (Here)

I have a couple other ideas;

Heartrenders controlling a volcra (Here)

Volcra kill because they remember the want (Here read tags as well)

Specifically with the body horror aspect I would love to see it more casually brought up, I know I went extreme in the original post( and ended up going extreme here too)

Tailors who's skin is warm and soft always, their beauty a little too blinding, they never keep a steady appearance as they appeal to what the viewer wants most, in order to gain their trust. Sometimes that backfires, someone wants to see scars, or fangs, or a monster, and what Grisha to better satisfy that then one that can be what they need. They can make wounds or hide them, they can create scars, they can give someone who wants to hurt, to see others hurting what they want and no one has to suffer, do they?

Squallers who offer comfort through the constant feeling of a warm breeze surrounding someone, the soft sound of wind through chimes or leaves. They can control music just as much, crafting songs and sounds from instruments that never existed in the first place. They become sirens, pulling people in, deafening them with sounds before they even realize they can't hear beyond the wind whistling in their ears.

Tidemakers who's body's move fluidly, their ability to dance, their flexibility is unmatched, they move like water and most feel refreshed after they talk to them. They can bend and twist their bodies so easy, it's muscle memory to show others, to force the bones to bend and break under the pressure from them and their water. Some spend too much time with it, they become similar to a deep sea creature, unblinking and adapted in ways others could never live with.

Inferni who are always the perfect temperature, who can keep a group calm, lowing their body temperatures so they're forced to settle, they can take heat as easily as they can bestow it. The can keep the others comforted, complacent on missions with only each other for comfort; heat fills the space, heat can be the phantom memories of those gone. If there is a death on the field, often an Inferni will keep the bodies warm, to not spook others. They mimic the body heat of someone next to you, a phantom partner or lover in all the wrong ways.

Heartrenders who can manipulate the chemicals and neurotransmitters in a persons brain, even if they don't know what they're doing, people always feeling happier around them, feeling calm, feeling safe. Too much of a good thing is equal to bad. They become addicted like anything else, they become desperate, even the heartrender cannot control it, and often they succumb to those they subdued if not kept safely away from others, or if they use their powers sparingly.

Fabirkators that can breathe life into inanimate things. They create toys, things to comfort young Grisha, to comfort anyone who has lost something. If they focus, if they bargain and find help in other grisha, they can bring a loved one back for a moment, they can twist and warp the corpses before burial, to give comfort to those grieving, to take from those already dead. They often forget, creating things from nothing can lead to viewing everything as a tool. How can things be combined, how can they be taken apart. Fabrikators who pull at flesh a little too easily, after all it's only components, and those that volunteer, well they never have a reason to fear their friend who made their teddy bears dance when they were scared.

Amplifiers that find themselves connected to Grisha in ways they cannot explain. They can sense pain, fear, happiness, they can sometimes sense before the Grisha know themsevles, the whispers of power from under small fingers. They push too much into some, exhausting their power when they pull back, leaving material for the Fabrikators to take apart. Whispers of Grisha killing their own is what the Amplifiers bring. They find the ability to comfort, showing Grisha that their powers are not to be feared, that they can stop too much power leaking out. Small hands reaching for them, crying out for parents who cannot stay, the amplifiers find themselves drowning in both grisha power and human emotions no heartrender can hope to break the bond of.

Sun Summoners, Lightbringers, who always shine. They excel in anything they try, learning, power control, it comes easy to them because praise, love is light. Grisha find themselves blinded, the way sunlight is too warm, the way light trickles into the cracks. Even those that hate find themselves warmed and drawn into the light, moths to a flame. They can blind as easily as they comfort, creating blisters and welts, sunburns and heatstroke, photosensitivity can burn into someone's eyes and brain and leaving them with a body that jerks beyond their command.

Shadow Summoners, Shadowbringers, that keep those that are forgotten. They pull those that are lesser, Grisha who can't keep up with the training, grisha who's powers do not follow the strict pathways they army wants. They take those that slip through the cracks. They spends hours training in pitch black until themselves and the grisha no longer need their sight to kill. They use the shadows to move around, creating shapes and monsters, creatures and enemies not only to scare but to protect each other. They take the absence of light and create the world within it. They plunge anyone who goes against them in the lack of, sensory deprivation at it's strongest. They either slowly let the senses come back or flood them with the removal of shadow all at once, neither are survivable

Support My Writing?

[bones-are-my-thing]

Checked out from the school library

[fieriframes]

[Squallers.]

[atac-agent]

Zoyalai au idea! Pre sab

Young Nikolai and Zoya meet at the winter fete. He has just decided to join the first army, and she doesn't think an otkazatsya can actually make any difference in the field. She seems mean, but he still wants to ask her to dance. Yet he doesn't, because people are watching and he has learnt to please the court, he doesn't want to draw his family's attention to the grisha girl. He is leaving, he doesn't need any more ties to this place.

But maybe in another life he will be braver, maybe in another life he will ask and she will dance with him.

**In Another Life**

Under the high-vaulted ceilings of the Grand Palace ballroom, laughter and music mingled with the clinking of crystal glasses. Chandeliers sparkled overhead, casting a warm glow on the lavishly dressed guests who danced and chatted, oblivious to the cold winter night outside.

The Winter Fete was a display of Ravkan nobility at its finest, but to Nikolai Lantsov, it felt like a gilded cage.

Nikolai stood near the edge of the ballroom, surveying the scene. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, having just committed himself to join the First Army. It was a bold move, one that he hoped would forge his own path away from the expectations of his royal lineage. He yearned for adventure, for a chance to prove himself beyond the pampered life of a prince.

As he scanned the room, his eyes landed on Zoya Nazyalensky. She stood apart from the crowd, a striking figure in a sapphire gown that matched her sharp, observant eyes. Zoya was a Squaller, one of the powerful Grisha, and her reputation preceded her. She exuded confidence and a touch of aloofness, seeming almost untouchable.

Nikolai took a deep breath, steeling himself as he approached her. “Good evening, Miss Nazyalensky,” he greeted, bowing slightly.

Zoya turned to face him, her gaze cool and appraising. “Prince Nikolai,” she replied, her tone polite but distant. “To what do I owe this rare honor?”

“I’ve just made a decision,” Nikolai began, trying to keep his voice steady. “I’m joining the First Army.”

Zoya raised an eyebrow, a faint smirk playing on her lips. “An otkazat'sya in the First Army? That’s ambitious.”

Nikolai chuckled, though her words had a sting of truth. “I thought you might have some advice. After all, you’ve seen more of the real world than most here.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, scrutinizing him. “Advice? Surprising that a prince would seek advice from a Grisha.”

“Everyone needs guidance,” Nikolai replied, meeting her gaze. “And I think there’s more to you than the court gossips say.”

Zoya’s expression softened, just a fraction. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that. But let me warn you, Your Highness, the battlefield is no place for pampered princes. It’s harsh and unforgiving.”

“I’m not afraid of hard work,” Nikolai said earnestly. “I want to make a difference.”

“Wanting and doing are different things,” Zoya said, her tone almost gentle. “But perhaps you’ll surprise us all.”

Nikolai felt a warmth spread through him at her words, a glimmer of approval from someone he respected. He hesitated, then, his eyes flicking to the dance floor. “Would you care to dance?”

Zoya’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but before she could respond, a group of courtiers nearby turned to watch them, their whispers and curious glances weighing heavily on him. He remembered his place, the expectations, the scrutiny of the court.

He smiled, a touch ruefully. “Another time, perhaps. When the eyes of the court aren’t so intent on every move.”

Zoya’s gaze softened, a hint of understanding there. “Perhaps,” she said, inclining her head.

Nikolai took a step back, bowing once more. “I hope to see you again, Miss Nazyalensky. Maybe on the battlefield, maybe somewhere else.”

“Until then, Prince Nikolai,” Zoya replied, her voice carrying a promise.

As he walked away, Nikolai felt a pang of regret. He imagined a different life, one where he was braver, where he asked her to dance despite the eyes watching them. In that life, perhaps they would have shared a dance, a conversation that revealed more of themselves, and the start of something neither could predict.

But for now, he had chosen his path, one that led away from the glittering halls of the palace and into the unknown of the battlefield.

He cast one last glance at Zoya, her figure still a striking presence amidst the nobility, before stepping out into the cold night, ready to face whatever awaited him.

[inahandful-of-dust]

GRISHA KEFTA in SHADOW AND BONE (2021-2023)

CORPORALKI - The Order of the Living and the Dead

ETHEREALKI - The Order of Summoners

MATERIALKI - The Order of Fabrikators

[purpurnight]

“Nikolai cut her a glance. She’d tied back her black hair with a dark blue ribbon. It was eminently practical, but it had the unfortunate effect of making him want to untie it.”

[rigelus]

Stop punishing yourself for being someone with a heart. You cannot protect yourself from suffering. To live is to grieve. You are not protecting yourself by shutting yourself off from the world. You are limiting yourself.

[delicatenightfury]

Trust

2022 Month of Writing: Day 20

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Prompt: "It's hard to bury your past."

Word Count: 3k (this turned out longer than I was expecting)

Author's Note: please don't steal my work! you can choose to respond to the prompt as well, but don't steal my work

I'm not totally sold on this, but if you're interested in a part 2, please let me know!

I based this off the Netflix show Shadow and Bone (even though I liking the books better 😅) - just a heads up

y/n pressed a damp cloth against her arm where she had gotten a long cut. She winced slightly but focused on cleaning the wound before it got infected. She and the other crows had just barely survived an encounter with Pekka Rollins and his men in what, unfortunately, was an ambush. Her abilities as a Squaller did help some, but one of the Dime Lions sliced her arms, making it more painful to control wind. She had been lucky with her injuries and required far less attention, thus why she was tending to herself. Nina needed to be focused on Inej instead of her.

She tensed slightly when she heard the familiar sound of footsteps accompanied by the thump of a cane. They stopped somewhere behind her, letting silence fill the room for several minutes. She knew it was petty, but she wasn’t going to be the one to speak first. Several minutes later, he finally caved.

“We need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” she said lowly.

“It doesn’t matter. We need to talk.”

“Yes, it does matter, Kaz.” She sent him a glare over her shoulder. “You almost got us killed tonight.”

“We have to cut off Rollins’ resources-”

“Do we? You’ve been content just doing simple business for the Crows Club. Then, all of a sudden, you take a mission to saints know where and somehow manage to cross Rollins in the process. Now, we have been framed for murder. And I wasn’t involved in any of it, since you left me behind, yet I still got dragged into this mess.”

She threw down the cloth and picked up a clean one to press firmly against her arm. She held back another wince, glad that the bleeding had seemed to stop for now.

“The mission was need to know.”

She glared at him.

“And I didn’t need to know?” Kaz didn’t respond, but he didn’t look the least bit apologetic. “I had to go into hiding, Kaz, because Rollins added my name to that bounty before you even stepped foot onto the boat that brought you all back to Ketterdam.”

“It was never my intention.”

y/n scoffed.

Kaz slowly came closer, but still kept his distance.

“We were sent to Ravka to locate the rumored Sun Summoner,” he said.

That made y/n pause. She had heard the rumors. All of Ketterdam had. Especially when the Fold expanded and wiped out several towns. The Sun Summoner was a Grisha who was able to manipulate light, who might be able to use their power to help tear down the Fold once and for all.

“And?” she asked.

“We found her. The Darkling used her power to expand the Fold. We had several run-ins with her, but she didn’t come back to Ketterdam with us. Our employer was looking for answers.”

“About the Sun Summoner?”

“Amongst other things.” She glanced at Kaz. He was looking at the far wall, but was only a few feet away from her now. Feeling her gaze, he looked down at her. “He took a particular interest in you.”

“Me?”

“He saw your wanted poster in the street and made an inquiry.”

“That’s not much to go off of, Kaz.”

“He’s a privateer. Rich. Seems to be from Ravka. His inquiry was brief, since his main focus was on the Sun Summoner, but he seemed determined.”

“Again, not completely helpful. This privateer have a name?”

“He called himself Sturmhond.” y/n froze. She knew Kaz was watching her for a reaction, but she couldn’t care. “You know him.”

y/n tossed the dirtied rag aside. She nodded slowly.

“I used to. It was a long time ago.”

“When?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because just hearing the name caused you to freeze up, y/n. I need to know if I can trust you to still function properly should we encounter him again.”

She looked at him.

“You’re worried about how well I’ll perform? Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kaz.” He continued to stare at her. She picked up clean bandages to begin wrapping her arm. “You don’t have to worry about it. It was a long time ago.”

“Not good enough.”

“Will you just leave it?”

“No.”

“Kaz-”

“y/n.”

“Drop it.”

“Tell me.”

She sighed.

“He’s my brother.”

There was a long beat of silence as Kaz took in her words.

“I wasn’t aware you still had family.”

She scoffed.

“As if I could call them that. I was the third child and therefore expendable. Being Grisha just gave them another reason to ignore me.”

She tightened the bandage she had put around her arm. It was a rough job, but it would hold until it could be properly looked at later. She began to clean up her supplies, sticking it in a corner for when it was needed again. As she moved, she caught a glimpse of Kaz. He was still looking at her, as if trying to find more answers.

“What?” she said. Her voice sounded more harsh than she meant it to.

“There’s more that you’re not telling me.”

y/n rolled her eyes.

“Just drop it, Kaz.”

“Not if you have information that will help us.”

“And how is my past going to help us with Pekka Rollins?”

“It will prove that I can trust you.”

y/n stopped. She set down the clothes she had been folding and looked at Kaz. His expression remained cold and hard. He rarely showed emotion as it was.

“You’re questioning my loyalty?” she asked. He simply stared at her, causing her to huff. “Thanks for that, Kaz. After all this time, I’m glad to know where we truly stand.”

She got up quickly and made her way to the door, passing by Kaz along the way.

“y/n-”

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

She hurried outside to avoid him seeing the hurt on her face.

The following week was rather eventful. The Crows had created quite a bit of chaos after releasing false Firepox at all of Pekka Rollins’ businesses. In the same night, Kaz got Rollins to lift the charges he had put on the Crows and admit that he was responsible for the crimes. Rollins had been arrested and taken to Hellgate.

During that time, Kaz and y/n had barely spoken to one another. They only spoke when necessary and even then, they did little to converse with one another. Jesper and Inej were quick to notice the difference. Even Nina and Wylan noticed but neither felt it was their place since they hadn’t known the Crows long.

y/n had been reading in her room when a sharp knock came. She stood and went to the door, finding Kaz on the other side.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Downstairs,” he said. “We have guests from Ravka.”

y/n sighed but nodded. She stepped around Kaz to make her way downstairs, letting him go to wake Wylan and Jesper.

“y/n?”

She looked up sharply at the familiar voice, her eyes widening.

“Zoya?”

The dark haired Squaller smiled widely. She moved forward to hug her.

“Saints, what are you doing here? We thought you were gone! Not even Baghra knew what happened.”

y/n looked down.

“Zoya-”

“And who is this?” A tall man approached them, a smile on his face.

“Tolya, this is y/n. Nikolai’s sister.”

Tolya’s smile grew.

“You’re Nikolai’s sister? It’s wonderful to finally meet you. I traveled with him for many years. He’s spoken of you often.”

y/n was going to respond when a glimpse of Kaz caught her eye. He was standing by the stairs, watching their interaction. Her shoulders deflated when his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. She knew immediately that he had caught at least part of their conversation. She looked back at Zoya.

“It’s a bit of a story,” she said. “One that can be shared later. I assume you are the guests Kaz told us about?”

“Yes. We have a mission for you.”

Soon, the Crows were seated in front of Zoya and Tolya, who handed them a document. 

“The neshyenyer?” Nina said after they had explained the mission. “Sankta Neyar’s blade.”

“So you haven’t completely forgotten what you were taught at the Little Palace,” Zoya said with an almost taunting tone. “Just your loyalty to Ravka.”

y/n couldn’t help but feel like the statement was also directed at her.

“Ravka or Kirigan?” Nina countered. “It didn’t take him destroying a city for me to question my loyalty.”

“So, that we all know you two have history,” Jesper said, “what’s the payment for this particular job?”

“Name your price,” Tolya said. “It matters that much.”

“Is that the Lantsov family crest?” Wylan asked, looking over Nina’s shoulder at the paper.

“You know it is because it’s hideous.”

Zoya shot her a glare before glancing at y/n, who only smiled in amusement. She was never a huge fan of the Lantsov crest. To hear someone felt the same was a little refreshing.

Tolya looked at the group. “Prince Nikolai requests your services to retrieve and deliver the neshyenyer to Alina Starkov in East Ravka.”

“She’s returned?” Nina said.

“As has the Darkling,” Zoya replied. “With an indestructible army of shadow monsters.”

“Saints,” y/n muttered.

“I do not like the sound of that,” Jesper said.

“She needs the blade to kill them. It’s the only thing that might work.”

“Retrieve the blade, and the prince will pay you whatever you ask.” Tolya told them.

“But I like the sound of that,” Jesper said.

“I assume same goes for you?” Zoya asked Kaz.

“I’d welcome the chance to help your prince spend his country’s money.”

Nina quickly expressed how instead of kruge she wanted someone released from Hellgate. Zoya decided to poke fun at Nina for her attraction, but y/n nudged her arm to quiet her. Nina had told y/n of Matthias, the Fjerdan she had fallen for before she came to Ketterdam. She admired Nina’s determination to free him.

“The offer is the offer,” Tolya said. “And Prince Nikolai is a man of his word.”

“But we need to go now,” Zoya told them.

y/n looked to Kaz, who was scanning over them. His eyes lingered on her for a long moment before he pocketed the document.

“It’s settled,” he said. “We’re in.”

The group dispersed quickly after to begin preparing. y/n watching Kaz walk away. When he disappeared upstairs, she sighed.

“Well something’s going on with you two,” Tolya said suddenly.

“Excuse me?” y/n said.

“You and Brekker.”

“It’s nothing.”

Tolya hummed as if he didn’t believe her.

“I haven’t been here long, but I can sense the tension between you two.” He slid into the seat that Zoya had vacated and tilted his head at her. “What happened?”

Despite being much larger than her, he did not come across as intimidating. y/n felt herself relax.

“You said that Nik told you about me. Well, I’ve never talked about my family. But when Nik was in town as Sturmhond not long ago, he made inquiries about me. Kaz demanded answers I wasn’t ready to give.” She sighed. “He implied that he couldn’t trust me.”

Tolya nodded slowly.

“Have you tried talking to him?” he asked.

“Kaz is unbelievably stubborn.”

“And if Nikolai’s stories have revealed anything, I believe you are too.” y/n chuckled. “So why haven’t you told him?” y/n paused and looked at him. Tolya offered a small smile. “Perhaps the first step in receiving trust is showing it? Someone always has to take the first step.”

y/n watched Kaz from the doorway of his room. He was going through various maps and documents spread out over his desk. She knew that he knew she was there. Somehow he always knew. Nonetheless, she knocked on the doorframe.

“Yes?” Kaz said.

“We need to talk.”

He barely glanced at her.

“It’ll have to wait.”

“No, Kaz. We need to talk now. We can’t keep working like this and you know it.”

He huffed and looked at her as she stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her. He leaned back against his desk.

“What is it?” he asked. “In case you’ve already forgotten, we have to leave for Shu Han soon.”

“I haven’t forgotten. But if this plan works, you need to know the truth.”

“About?”

“Me.” She waited for him to make a quip or dismissal, but received none. So, she took a deep breath. “My real name is y/n Lantsov. I’m the third child of King Alexander and Queen Tatiana. I never made my society debut because once it was discovered that I was Grisha, I was taken to the Little Palace. From then on I was raised with the intent of identifying as Grisha, not a Lantsov.

“As a result, my parents basically forgot I existed. My eldest brother barely spoke to me as it was, so I was only truly close with my other brother. I wasn’t allowed to see him. Kirigan wanted there to be little to no reminders of our pasts so that we could separate ourselves from the otkazat’sya.”

She paused and looked outside. Ketterdam was bustling with activity, both legal and illegal, just as it always was. Ketterdam never slept. 

“Early on, Nik and I would sneak out at night to meet. We were children and would rather play than train and learn. Nik loved to play pretend. We had found an old boat and we’d be sailors. I’d use my powers to steer us. He’d call himself Sturmhond with the distinction that he was a privateer, not a pirate.

“But we eventually got caught. I was disciplined by my instructors and put through more rigorous training. More so than some of the others. At first I thought it was because I had snuck out, but time went on and I was still pushed harder. My powers are no where near Zoya’s level. I doubt even an amplifier could get me there. Unfortunately, it took me too long to learn why that was.

“Kirigan wanted me pushed because of my background. He was… almost giddy about the fact that I was a Lantsov. I started noticing his power plays against my family. When he would visit the Grand Palace, I was among his small entourage of Grisha. He would give me special tasks when we visited, as if flaunting the fact that I was under his command instead of my parents.

“One day, while a group of us were traveling, we were attacked by Fjerdans. Drüskelle. They ambushed us, their goal to bring us to the Ice Court for a supposed trial. But we knew better so we fought back.” y/n took a deep breath to calm herself and force back the memories. “When I realized I was the last one standing, I used my powers to knock the remaining Fjerdans unconscious. I couldn’t kill them, despite the fact that they had just killed my friends.

“But as I stood there, I realized that I was alone. For the first time in years, I was by myself. I realized that there was nothing tying me down in that moment, so I fled. I went to the nearest port and stowed away. I ended up here and chose to make a new life for myself. One where no one knew who I was, where I would have more freedom than I could have imagined. Then I met you. And you know the rest.”

Silence fell over the room. y/n didn’t want to admit it but she was nervous how Kaz would react. She could feel him watching her, staring holes into her back.

After a minute, she felt the air shift and heard Kaz push himself off the desk. He slowly walked toward her, cane thumping at his side. She continued to stare outside even as he came to stand next to her.

“So Sturmhond is the prince,” he said.

y/n almost wanted to scoff - of course that was what he chose to say first - but she refrained.

“Yes. Tolya confirmed it for me.”

“And when he came to Ketterdam and inquired about you, it was because he thought you were dead.”

She shrugged.

“I suppose so. I don’t know what got reported to the king or Kirigan after the ambush. At some point, I stopped caring. It wasn’t my problem anymore.” She looked down. “Guess I was kidding myself. It’s hard to bury your past.”

Kaz huffed.

“Not if you bury it somewhere no one will ever look.”

“And I thought no one would look in Ketterdam,” y/n said, finally looking at him. “The Darkling never left Ravka and I had no idea where my brother was. I hadn’t seen him in years. I didn’t even know he had gone to serve in the military until he had been gone for three months.”

Kaz studied her for a long minute. y/n wished (not for the first time and certainly not the last) that she could read him.

“When we retrieve the neshyenyer and go to Ravka to deliver it, what will you do?” he asked. “I have no doubt we’ll run into your brother at some point.”

y/n sighed.

“I don’t know. I suppose I should talk to him at the very least. He deserves that.”

“And after?”

She shrugged.

“I’ll figure it out when I get to it.” She looked him in the eye. She knew that her answer probably left him unsatisfied but it was the best she could offer in the moment. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Last week you said that my past would tell you whether or not you could trust me. Now you know. What’s your verdict?”

Kaz’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he scanned her over. She refused to look away. Finally, he nodded.

“I trust you,” he said. “You’ve got our backs.” He stepped back, breaking eye contact with her so that he could gather various things off his desk. “Now finish gathering what you need. We leave for Shu Han in an hour.”