#spoilers its anxiety
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Me: °~*~°
My Brain: is it anxiety or is it a heart attack?!?
#women's symptoms are different#tw anxiety#spoilers its anxiety#but its anxiety about how ill never survive a heart attack because thr one time it is a heart attack I'll convince myself its just anxiety#the whole thing has me wrecked#not to mention the heartburn#the os acromiale shoulder pain#and the tmj#basically a stew of issues designed to cover up the truth#tw chronic pain#tw heart attack
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#on my third playthrough and found a weird little location/mission ive never seen somehow???#and got this gem that came out of nowhere#da:v#datv#rookanis#its not really spoilers but i can tag it as that if you guys want#my rook undoubtedly smells like vanilla and honey (and blood)#anxiety makes her food repulsed so she eats in fits but she be baking sweets always#she and lucanis spend long nights and early mornings brushing just this shy of too close to one another in the kitchen area#lucanis dellamorte#spite dragon age
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Favorite frame so far
#Look what you did Dale you gave him anxiety#spoilers for the animatic#its probably gonna be another day or 2 before its done#if I get lazy then maybe more but I will try to make it quick#why did this one frame specifically come out so baller
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imogen fumbling shit is just eternally good fodder for memes, alright. and its at least partly BECAUSE of how powerful she is. someone tripping while using a nerf gun? funny. someone dramatically hoisting up an outfit matchin heavy death laser gun and then immediately tripping and landing on their face? phenom. sometimes she goes "GROVEL" and the enemies grovel and we all go "oooooh" and "aaaahhh" and sometimes she just gets fully ignored and gets so huffy and petulant and ineffectually burns a cantrip just to be petty about it. sometimes she smites her enemies into dust with one move and renders a tree in half after threatening and other times she fucking. falls down a flight of stairs and accidentally sets everything on fire. fires a gun at her own team. loses all her hair. turns blue. etc.
Imogen lifts a humongous sand squid into the sky with her mind powers. Imogen is also falling out of a sky ship and landing on the desert sand far below and just. lying there. while her friend plays the flute in the background. epic hot failgirls NEED the HEIGHT to FAIL FROM. u gotta swing and miss sometimes!!! AND you gotta be REAL petty about it when u miss!!!! fucking fantastic.
#its like how fjord with no dignity is fantastic because fjord is Hot and Charismatic and ClearHeaded under pressure but also#has never had a good experience with an animal despite being wild mother follower. tried to yell a flower into submission (and failed).#u have to take ur hottest and most powerful warriors and make them eat shit every now and then with the same zealousness that they#absolutely wreck shop#I apologize I know I've reblogged like four posts about it its just so delightful#critical role#c3e58#cr spoilers#imogen temult#shitpost#spar speaks#god with fjord and imogen there's just something about extremely powerful anxiety ridden Universes Personal Joke characters huh#whoops. I guess I might have a weakness after all.#theres a separate post about how her fucky morals and general anxiousness also collide hilariously but i realized i was losing the thread#what portion of it i hadnt already lost at least
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Got a question for you It Never Happens AU. Do you ever imagine any of the party, King and Siffrin included having dreams of Bigfrin/The Lost One being generally menacing? Or even Mal Du Pays just mocking someone? Sorry if this seems random...
A familiar face(less)
#it never happens au#isat au#isat#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat spoilers#isat loop#loop isat#mal du pays#mdp isat#isat mdp#my au takes place right after loog gets star'd#ala right after sasasap. so nothing in isat happens#aka. no bigfrin#mal du pays tho? thats just loops anxiety and depression personified. its still there.#it sometimes appears in dreams to just. stare. ominously at loop#it hasn't done anything. yet ;)
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Fais fanfic rambles: Introduction to my 'Selkies by Starlight' ISaT AU
Note: Not to be confused with @looped-140-and-counting / Soren_793's wonderful Selkie AU oneshot series 'The Northern Islanders are Selkies' which was hugely inspiring for this if potentially VERY different in vibe (we got very into talking about cloaks! XD)
Basic premise/summary:
In an alternate version of the precanon adventure, the party lead by Mirabelle to stop the King freezing Vaugarde in time, recruit Siffrin as per usual.
Thing is, Siffrin is a Selkie.
A very skittish selkie without a cloak of their own, who openly wears the cloak of another, and due to Reasons is under the impression that the party know all both of those things and the Implications about them, and for whatever reason have decided to welcome him into their group anyway.
Which er, he's completely wrong about as the party know absolutely nothing.
Mira and Isa like most Vaugardian humans think 'shifters' are just fairytales, Odile knows shapeshifters are real but is only really familiar with how foxes like her father work, and Bonnie is actually able to sense some pretty major things but is a preteen dealing with a lot and hasn't even joined the party yet, so this pretty major misunderstanding is sustained for quite a while...
Cue the AUs' main focus being on the resulting party dynamic shifts as more and more canon divergence due to Sif's 'selkie stuff' (both cute and serious) comes into play, the party slowly realising something is up, and all of it hitting an eruption point right around the time of the 4th Orb/the loss of Siffrin's eye...
Some key world building notes: (Note: very summarised from my docs. I have like 20k+ words on this stuff XD)
The Island - Probably the most drastically different thing from canon here, the Island was not forgotten or erased here. Rather it is hidden away and permanently shrouded in Wish Craft generated fog from 'those without cloaks'. Side note: Sif is still unable to return home and continues to have some very plot critical memory problems but those are due to unrelated issues, which means yay I get to have Sif talk 'home culture' with the others in this =D Also idk why the King is freezing Vaugarde still. I've got a few ideas I'm not sure about and he's not in focus enough for it to even matter really, but random suggestions -especially those with possible selkie motivations- would be very much appreciated.
Selkie powers in my setting - Went into something of a deep dive regarding selkie folklore for this and did you know they have an absolute ton of seer/oracle based stuff going on?
From selkie being summoned by their human lovers shedding seven tears into the ocean, to a selkie man telling a former lover that he and their child will die at the hands by her genuinely good and loving future husband, to a selkie woman forseeing her fisherman husband about to die out in a storm just in time for her to swim over there and rescue him, etc.
So... Yeah. This AU has a lot of plot relevant sensory/seer stuff going on as well as the standard seal shapeshifter stuff (Islander selkie traditionally believe it to be the Universe talking with them, in the same way Wish Craft is talking to the Universe), and going off all the stuff I read decided it'd be most fitting if the general rule for how it all works is: - Selkie always passively have a bit of it going on (aka Sif's canon 'you sense someone nearby' stuff) which like most things can be enhanced with Craft use a bit. - Near perfect understanding of all 'connected' bodies of water (aka they know EXACTLY where the tasty fish are/will be and can probably get a general sense of location for most people on a boat) - Potentially get strong 'visions of the future' and/or instincts on what they need to do to avert an outcome when it comes to loved ones being in danger/distress.
They also maybe get to pull very fast, high power Wish Craft 'curses'/miracles' at idk, the cost of something major like their cloak or lives (mostly based off of the The Legend of Kópakonan where the whole island of Kalsoy was cursed with death by a selkie in retaliation for her husband and children being murdered) but not super attached to this idea past it being in 'seal shifter' stories in-setting.
Other non humans in setting and regional differences in shifters - Pretty much only selkie and selkie issues are in focus here, but just as a general thing, all non humans in setting are shapeshifters and originated from human ancestors who went crazy with the the Body Craft and/or used Wish Craft in some way.
Ka Bue in particular has a ton of them since yokai, with their origins being various sects/clans back in the warring eras going so nuts with trying to weaponize Body Craft (super soldiers, enhanced life spans, infiltration, exploiting attraction to furries, etc), that after some particularly high profile incidents (for an idea plz see: Kiyohime, Tamamo no Mae, Kachi-kachi Yama) and 'Body Craft misuse leading to shut down of the brain/vital organs' being the most common cause of death for 10+ years once peace time was established, eventually Ka Bue's authorities set their foot down and banned Body Craft altogether.
Currently the shifter population in Ka Bue is around 30% of the population, shifters are required to have ID regarding their forms (or potential forms if they're merely 'half'), and it's considered distasteful for a shifter to be in non human form outside of private settings/necessity and even ruder to ask a shifter about their non human forms if they haven't brought the topic up yet first (kinda like seeing/asking about someone's underwear or something XD).
In contrast the Vaugarde, Mwudu and Porteria region is extremely shifter sparce, with most of its original shifter population being the result of various Universe worshipping peoples (mostly small groups, like greek mystery cults) deciding to use a big Wish Craft ritual as some sort of religious rite and becoming shifters as a side effect of their primary Wish (usually stuff like 'we wish for us and our descendants to be one with You and the sea/air' or 'may we Change with the phases of the holy moon' etc) which granted them some pretty neat skills but also tended to come with some 'potentially nasty' drawbacks attached (see: selkie and swan maidens with their cloaks, werewolves Changing in both body and mind etc) Which er, lead to some issues born of lack of knowledge about this stuff, later some very nasty anti shifter sentiment in the region, and then around... IDK 200 to 300 years ago or so ended up exploding into violence and other very nasty things, with most shifters able to do so fleeing the region, and those that couldn't either enduring horrible conditions until they could escape/died or went deep into hiding, with the Island's Country being founded by the two later groups who used Wish Craft to hide their new home, erase awareness of their existence from their enemies (a short term, fully intentionally 'forgetting' blast centered specifically around shifters), and developed a LOT of culture and traditions regarding when, who and what can be told to 'outsiders' about themselves, Wish Craft, etc in order to keep their people safe.
There are shifters living in present in Vaugarde of course (anti shifter sentiment died back a LOT after most people stopped thinking they were real, and most modern day Change Believers are more likely to view these 'totally fictional/allegorical' beings as children/messengers of the Change God rather than 'evil demons who stole power by tearing apart the Change God's cloak for themselves and thus have to be hunted down and made to repent' propaganda take that was everywhere back then) but numbers actually living outside the Island as opposed to merely visiting remain low, since either the shifters know their history and stick firmly to their 'stay secret' traditions or quickly pick up on how oddly unknown shifters are around these parts and decide to err on the side of caution... Also 'trust worthy' humans who do learn about them (usually northern coastal folk, gee wonder why) tend to help cover them up so... Yeah =D
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And... Yeah!
This is hella long as is, so will stop here and ramble about the actual 'how this all affects our beloved Sif and Co plot and culture wise' stuff that is the actual meat of the AU in another post later, but hope this made for an interesting/idea provoking read, know that I have no issue with anyone using any of this for their own works (just please, don't use the 'Selkies under starlight' same story name unless it's actually a fanfic/fanart of my 'hopefully soon has a chapter/one shot up' fic/Ao3 series of the same name so people don't get confused), and I would love to chatter with you about any thoughts/questions you might have so...
Wishing you a good day =D
(sighes in relief finally getting this post finished after literal months. Pheeeeww~)
#fais fanfic rambles#isat fanfic#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat#selkie#selkie au#shapeshifter au#isat siffrin#selkie!siffrin#worldbuilding notes#seriously though plz read soren's selkie!Sif au as its great#also um didn't go into it here but as can probably be guessed#by all the focus on actual selkie folklore and plotting out of a 'Vaugarde had anti shifter' history for the setting#this AU eventually explores some pretty 'classically uncomfortable' selkie folklore stuffs#(which I'm not tagging specifics here because it'll be in the character stuff if I have the guts to go into depth outside the actual fic)#but yeah#its mainly tragic backstory and part of the Island cultural stuff Sif runs afowl of with rather than directly in focus#while the actual fic itself is about miscommunication connecting despite that and the ISaT fam tripping into being a family precanon#with a little xenofiction/exploration of 'what kind of culture would selkie develop to be the way they are in myths' flare on the side#but felt the need to warn about it anyway for those who'd rather just nick all the other stuff and avoid that part like the plague#aaaand I'm just rambling in posting anxiety now so gonna hit post now and hope this is of literally any interest to anyone but me XD
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culmets officially confirmed to be married in star trek discovery s5 i just collapsed onto the floor
#my post#star trek discovery#star trek discovery spoilers#culmets#i knowww it was vaguely hinted at in s2 but i wanted something more concrete#its actually embarrassing how happy this has made me likeeee i had to pause the episode to process#I've waited 7 years to hear anthony rapp say one fucking line and now i can die happy#anyway unfortunately i have to pause watching the rest of the episode to go write my dissertation lmao#i got like 30 minutes into the episode before the academic anxiety of doing Nothing hit me
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alright this has been sitting in my mind ever since i first heard it a few days ago, but what Emmrich says about his fear of death in his first scene? It hit differently. Im gonna elaborate underneath the cut.
(also this might be too much personal info for some, but anyways)
'Thats when I discovered I possess a great terror of dying' is putting something I have felt for close to 3 years now so... precisely into words.
I have spend so much trying to find words for this feeling, for this fear, and have not yet managed to communicate it with anyone really so far, because the words have just... not been there.
'It goes beyond dread. It cant be reasoned with or soothed over. It comes without warning, in the dead of night, in sunlit streets. A raw, strangling fear, struck somewhere deep past the heart.'
It hides behind every corner of your life. You can go on with your day like any other person, you can be alone at home or out with friends, seeing the world, and suddenly youre hit with this 'someday it wont matter anymore and you wont feel this feeling and never smell the air again' and you cant outrun it.
Its something you cant change, something maybe not even worth mentioning because there is no way out anyways, so why bother and try to find a reason within it, when there is non to begin with?
'Oddly, I discovered I wasnt alone. I debated this fear with friends, I argued with teachers... Yet... It lingered.'
Others might feel the same, and yes its comforting to a degree, but still it wont make it go away. It wont make it better or unbearable somehow. Because its unreasonable. You know it is. Thats why Ive burried it so deep within me and try not to spiral into despair when these thoughts occure.
I am not really sure where I am heading with this but I guess I needed to get these thoughts out into the world somehow. Because hearing this, having it put into words so nicely? It helped. It made me shiver and it has lingered in my head for a while now, but it also gave me words for something I have not yet come around wording myself.
#every attempt to put it into my own words always kind of felt like an understatement of how dire the situation and the feeling is. but havin#someone say its terror is so... precise. it IS terror. I am terrified of dying. anyways#currently im handling my fears quite well so im good right now but there were times it was unbearable#this just made me think again and im glad im in a better place right now mentally and can sort my thoughts better than i did 2 years ago#when the spiral was ever looming in everything i did#death tw#dying tw#datv#datv spoilers#emmrich volkarin#dragon age spoilers#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#anxiety tw#personal thoughts#the veilguard spoilers#veilguard spoilers
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Murderbot: It's not like I lost a limb or anything *continues to sulk about all its missing drones, which, considering how Murderbot used all its drones, could realistically be considered a limb*
Murderbot: 3 offered me some of its drones, but that's not the same, and I can't just take stuff from 3.
Murderbot: I wish this other SecUnit that I'm currently disabling had drones I could steal. That, somehow, wouldn't be the same as taking them from 3.
#System Collapse#System Collapse Spoilers#Someone get this poor anxiety ridden construct its drones back
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i wonder how much longer the devils' lifespan is compared to a human. because the kings have been around for AGES when you take into account the fact that they were all full fledged adults with their countries well established by the time solomon first made contact with them. but also what's been messing me up about the longevity of their lives is the fact that the mc meets children! (from satan's bath card preview)
and from this conversation with sitri and ppyong devils are no longer being born because lilith, mother of all devils, has disappeared along with god and solomon. (ch3)
of course we know solomon is dead but the other two's existences are kinda up in the air at the moment. and with the fact that they all disappeared a long time ago its been. a few millenia which means any devil children have been babies and children for. a VERY long time from a humn perspective. and in that time many generations have sprung up between solomon's death and the mc being born. but also time passes differently in hell (likely slower from the fact that mc wasn't aware that the anniversary of their parents' death approached and passed (in ch4), as well as the fact that sitri says solomon spent a century in hell when solomon only made it to his 50s on earth (unles pretty busy has changed this for the story but i dont think they have)
with how all the devil's act you really would think that solomon disappeared just yesterday to them! thousands of years have passed on earth but theyre still heartbroken like they last spoke to him just last week! how short is the life span of a human to them. is it just like a blink and you're gone. are they aware of how limited their time with the mc is. because even with hell being so technologically avanced there's death every day. there is no cure for death. you will die and they still haven't even coped well with the death of a man that lived so long ago.
#cliffnotes/.txt#whb#what in hell is bad#whb spoilers#its just. AUGH.#i know theres also a likelihood that mc will go back to earth long before they die#or at least thats the plan#but would their entire time in hell just feel like a week to the demons?#its just sad to think about#and then they'd be getting sucker punched twice losing solomon and his refraction in what feels like a short period#of time for them#also thinking abt if the mc were to have a child with one of the 72 upper devils or kings#its likely that they'd die pretty early on in that chil'd life yknow#regardless of whether that child grows up in hell or on earth considering unholycs i believe also live long#(ik that tie in was likely just done for fun but im using it anyways)#so like. idk.#has pretty busy put that much thought into any of this and the cohesiveness of their own narrative?#most likely not.#will i overthink it anyways?#absolutely i have adhd and anxiety all i do is overthink#so sorry for long media analysis in the tags#it will happen again.#edit: nawt me being vagued in the tags w/ a point i wasnt even making lmao#the bit abt minhyeok's substory in ch4 was abt being disoriented bc of the difference#to the point where the mc did not notice the approach of such an important date tho there is a lot going on also#not 'oh i think its been a year'. thats stupid.#id give the events of ch1-4 like. a span of a week in hell tops. barely even that if im bein honest#if itd been a whole year i dont think mc would still be trying to adapt
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Ahh yes, I love doing clown makeup while I listen how a man and the demon in his head just got 1 month delayed on their main quest just for doing a side quest
#i love malevolent#its so silly#and actually scary#like#spoilers here#in the second or third episode (i forgot which one)#when they see the lady with thr baby#and she just starts chasing them???#thats so fucking anxiety inducing#i was cleaning the bathroom and felt so anxious#malevolent#arthur malevolent#jhon malevolent#yeah 🗣️🗣️
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G... Gale..;....???
#he really said 'ill show you what that tongue do'#BOY#im thoroughly enjoying his romance so far#him and astarion have honestly been a tie for me idk which one i like more#bg3 spoilers#bg3#gale dekarios#still silent as a winter night on here but ill come back soon! been adjusting to loving life again & getting stuff done#i can finally make phone calls again without having min 10 anxiety attacks :3 like fr i havent made a phone call in years??? always made#my partner do it for me. but one month into lexapro and ive been able to make all the calls! its honestly so wonderful#anyway nobody asked i know i know but yeah
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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wheeeee splatoon fandom stop making me want to leave it for good challenge impossible
#this is about smollusk#literally just say you don't want to use it/its pronouns at this point#the amount of people i've seen use he or they#it's really not that hard#and like it makes me feel like shit as someone who prefers exclusively it/its pronouns#like#sure gives me a lot of hope for how you guys would handle a real person going by it/its(sarcasm)#gaige talks into the void#sorry if i sound bitchy im just annoyed#i dont like to rant i really dont my anxiety-riddled ass cannot handle it#im just#frustrated#and sad i guess#because of how much splatoon helped me come to terms with my identity#anyways#see ya#im done talking#splatoon#smollusk#side order spoilers#obligatory just in case#splatoon 3
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Man.
chat this scheme has horribly backfired. i feel really bad for the TLC now
#it's so cold and so desolate and so alone... it must HATE it here#yin-thoughts#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#railway spoilers#it was so excited and so happy to exist as it is now and all its gotten is pain and anxiety and bitterness#it's just a little guy....#<- talking about a sentient city made from a perfect clone of the worst bat imaginable#i think im gonna leave it in the hurlers for now. both bc i need to grab more almanacs#and bc it's fitting from an rp standpoint#the scoundrel abandoning itself in the wastes. what a guy.
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you ever just. trigger your fight or flight response. over a tv show
#liz blogs#kr#knight rider#knight rider spoilers#were watching scent of roses tonight. i have a vague sense of what happens given its a pretty Big episode#and my dumbass couldn't stay out of the fandom. i dont have in depth spoilers but i have a vague idea what happens#enough that im scared. mom come pick me up im scared. mom come pick mE UP IM SCARED#i dont want them to go through This Situation :( get them out of This Situation it sounds like a SAD SITUATION#the stevie episodes make me sad enough already dude im fucking SCARED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WA#on the bright side i haven't felt Impending Dread over a tv show in probably years. nothing good is on anymore. its kinda nice#but also OGHHH THE DREAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DREAD#dear brain: anxiety is for being chased by predators. not a 40 year old tv show#most scared ive been since junkyard dog YIPPIEEEEE
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