#spoilers for a fifteen year old anime I guess

[runoalice-propaganda]

one of these characters has a second personality who is a major antagonist that uses Bakugan with the darkness element and is the protagonist’s main rival for 3/4s of the first season

the other is the protagonist’s childhood friend

[amphibifish]

question. whats maloki??

terrifying ask to wake up to (/silly)

so, in short, maloki or Matantei Loki or Mythical Detective Loki is a animanga series based around the cool and epic adventures of little kid detective Loki who solves mysteries ! and also he is trying to not get assassinated everytime because odin wants him DEAD and keeps sending down the other gods to kill him.

i'm going to preface this by saying it's not good. not at all. like i can't defend this here. it's not good. if you want something like good to enjoy i would turn away now. there's so many plot holes and bad plot twists and then just general increasing misogyny as the (manga) series progresses. the anime is like fine but most of it feels like filler except for the last six episodes which were kind of good actually.

beneath the read more is just a huge essay of me complaining about specifics, and then explaining the reason i like it (it's really just heimdall)

uhh there's also a big tone difference between the anime (very much made for children) and the manga (the last installment has so many deaths and is generally just not a good time for ANYONE) that's not really an issue but anyway.

it's Anime Thing TM is that it gets weird about the teenage girl character that is lokis sidekick. it's not there in the anime but in the manga loki is heavily implied to be in love with her and they are heavily implied to be endgame (though it never actually happens) . this is a weird endgame ship because mayura is 17 and loki is simaultaneously at most 13 and also 3000. or if he's in his adult form he's implied to be old enough for mayura is say "you're kind of weird for an adult" which makes me think he's a notable amt older than her. but i guess i could just be nitpicking that one since it's never really confirmed

among my list of complaints is the weird incest hel joke that gets referenced at least one other time. it's ignorable but it's been scarred enough in my mind for me to complain here because there really was no need for hel to straight up make out w loki on the lips in front of her mother and then play it off like a silly haha prank. thankfully it's ignorable outside of that one page

i can't really complain plot wise because of spoilers but it does introduce interesting concepts that just. fall flat. i do want to mention heimdallr's evil brain washing casino that he owns at eight years old though that is relevant exactly one time and then is immediately forgotten about just because it's really funny to me

i do like the second installment (matantei loki: ragnarok) simply because i find what they did with spice and utgard loki to be half interesting. and also its generally not too dark of an installment and its pretty free of like. the aforementioned weird stuff i mentioned earlier. ending was shit though

character portrayal wise it's fine. i like lokis family i don't find much interest in loki himself. idk he's boring to me and he's like this strict straight laced kid in the anime idk man he's supposed to be loki i don't get it anyway.

i like thor. he's a teenager with like fifteen jobs and he raids lokis pantry all the time and they're best friends. no notes.

i think they did freyja fucking dirty and she deserved better because she's introduced as being in love with loki but being hurt by him because he abandoned her . that is then used as a joke and her defining trait for the rest of series. the manga was better about this one in all honesty but it's like half an upgrade because they tone it down only slightly.

freyr is silly and i honestly do like him in both versions. he is unfortunately apart of the Anime Thing TM because he also madly in love with mayura. this is slightly more excuseable in the anime because he is explicitly a teenager there. which is not true of the manga where he is explicitly. Not. he's also part of an odd couple dynamic with heimdall and i do like their dynamic in both anime and manga. this is because i like odd couples in general though

really though im here for heimdallr because kinoshita's heimdallr unfortunately is very interesting in the scheme of heimdall portrayals and his story keeps falling flat in turn for whatever other bullshit keeps getting written in.

he's a wrathful god sent down to earth as an assassin in the form of a school child who kind of weirds out his classmates and keeps writing songs about how much he hates this one guy. he hates loki because loki stole his eye and he lost everything and then there's this whole thing where odin basically never saw him as a person and was using him and the point is that i like him

honestly in the end the anime did him better in my opinion but manga!heimdall just keeps getting worse morally and. sometimes also maybe character writing wise especially at the end. as the series goes on but that's still entertaining to me.

ANYWAY the point is that it sucks so bad really bad actually but just enough for me to be like "oughhhghghgh something GOOD could've been there..." and that's the whole reason i'm obsessed with it and i think about it all the time

[randomshyperson]

Hey Mary I saw you mentioned in one of your fics (amazing work as always btw) that youre watching Hibike! Euphonium??? I've watch over 4 times so it's probably my favorite anime ever and I would love to hear your thoughts about it, how much you liked it, if you also ship Kumirei or nah?

~🦭

I saw your ask a few days ago and was waiting to respond when I finished the anime, and here I am. I can define my emotional state after finishing both seasons in two words: emotionally devastated.

Btw, this will contain spoilers if anyone bothers.

I watched the anime for the first time almost a decade ago, and I had only seen it because of Kumirei. I decided to give it a chance even though I knew beforehand they weren't canon, and I remember being really in love with the couple and being truly outraged when Kumiko ended up with that boy.

At fifteen, I had no idea about concepts like heteronormativity or comphet, or any of those more complex concepts I learned in college. And rewatching the anime today, I found Kumiko's relationship with Shuichi more comical than anything else. Her frequent and clear lack of interest in that boy throughout the entire anime turns any interaction between them into something comical and even frustrating, especially since everyone around her seems to insist that Kumiko should be with him simply because he has a crush on her. When I was the same age as the characters, it really irritated me, now as an adult I just felt sorry for them all. And I found it really frustrating how he got more development with Hazuki, and if the producers had focused on them, it would have made more sense than putting him with Kumiko who had an interest in basically any topic other than that boy.

But male characters aside, I just realized how much I missed female characters (or girls in this case) and their well-written and developed female friendships when I rewatched this anime. Hollywood could never.

Remember that I defined my state as emotionally devastated? Well, that's all the fault of the arc written for Asuka.

Her friendship with Kumiko is absurdly beautiful. The dialogue where Kumiko, who is the youngest between them, shouting about how Asuka doesn't need to act like she knows everything and that the two of them are just kids has easily become one of my favorites in any media. At fifteen years old, I had no idea the weight of several scenes, especially this one, or when Asuka is slapped by her mother? Insane. I had the pleasure and luck of being reminded of how beautiful and well-written this anime was. And the ending with Asuka graduating was deeply painful. Not because something bad happened (thank god), but that fact that she did it! She played for her father, got the best grades in Japan and will probably have a bright future ahead of her. But that means she's leaving and Kumiko still has two years there and even with that incredible connection, Asuka needs to move on. Living through high school while watching, I didn't understand what that scene really meant. The arrival of adulthood. But upon rewatching it I was in tears, completely in shock. For the good of my heart I simply decide that they met again in college.

Also, I still haven't rewatched the movie about the second year because I simply don't want to say goodbye to any more characters.

How difficult was it for the studio to write a band made up of students from the same year? I wanted everyone to graduate together. I guess it wouldn't hurt the same way if they did.

Now talking about what I didn't like? Well, there's just gone thing that really bothers me about this anime: Reina's feelings for her teacher. When I was fifteen, and I heard these teenagers talking about it, and I had no idea whatsoever about life, I didn't see it as a major problem. I even thought that Reina, so mature and intelligent, would turn 18 and embark on a failed romance before realizing that the only person for her was Kumiko, but now at 23 I absolutely hate everything about that matter. What bothered me most was that at no point was there a straight forward take on how the mere idea of this relationship is wrong. We even have a scene where the temporary Instructor makes jokes about the Professor being popular with the girls. I was very uncomfortable with how this subject was not closed in a concrete and absolute way, I would have liked to have seen at least one scene of Reina's parents guiding her about how she was confusing admiration for a talented adult man she has known since she was a child with love, but the anime insisted on a one-sided romance until the end, and it aged really badly.

I haven't had the chance to see both movies and the new season yet, but I really hope the matter has been closed because it was very uncomfortable.

Also, I've come to have a different view of Kumirei now that I'm no longer a teenager; I used to watch the scenes and be outraged, just hoping that they would kiss soon and realize how in love they are. Today, well, yes please just kiss, but also, I noticed an even greater complexity in their relationship. Slow Burn is very welcome, I even have the impression that their fifteen-year-old versions from the first season simply don't have the emotional maturity necessary to understand their own relationship. I know the studio probably won't make them canon, but I don't think I'll mind it as much as I would have a decade ago: I really like the idea that they took time to understand the depth of their feelings, and that the separation during college was perhaps what was necessary for them to realize how emotionally intertwined they are. I feel like as always, the fanfics will make it worth it.

[scifimagpie]

Back on Ash Tree Lane: Revisiting House of Leaves

Art by Michelle Browne, 2023. Yep, I'm back on my bullshit.

An abbreviated version of this appears as a review for the book on my Amazon and Goodreads accounts, but I realised I had more to say. 

Beware, because 

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS 

for this 23-year-old book (jeez) abound.

 I first read House of Leaves years and years ago, and then some friends suggested reading it for a book club this year. Naturally, I figured it was a good time for a revisit; it's probably been fifteen years or more since I picked it up. Maybe closer to twenty. (Jeez, I'm old.) 

Vibe Check

As much as parts of the book do genuinely deliver a dizzying thrill ride, the beginning of the book actually didn't quite hold up for me. But I have to admit, this is a book you have to binge - try to read it in long sessions. Also there's a ton of content warnings for this book - child abuse, sexual assault mentions, sexual harassment, mental illness, animal harm and death, infanticide, attempted child murder...plus some good, old-fashioned gore and body horror. Lots of horrible, excellent, spooky stuff, and it's generally treated with some respect. 

Once you start to "get" the book, the labyrinthine page formatting and the distracting footnotes - they're there for vibes most of the time, and to instill a sense of authenticity and realism - it's amazing. 

Is this book the most accessible thing I've ever read? Probably not. I don't even know how it is from a disability perspective - I'm not even sure how you'd make an audiobook that captures the vibe. (Maybe with lots of sound effects and clever editing tricks? Actually, if that exists somewhere, someone send it to me.)

And yet, the overall story, about the mental health issues of Johnny Truant, and the possibility of the entire thing being his invention? Or the invention of his mental health? And the subtle nested story meta-structure thing - is really sad and really cool. There's something very visceral about this sad, sad guy's lonely wandering and search for answers. 

A lot of people are tempted to skim Johnny's segments for some reason, but if at all possible, don't do that. Johnny's mother's institutionalization when he was young, his persistent struggles with poverty, mental health issues, substance use, and intimacy, as well as possible ADHD (just to take a few wild guesses), and the death of his "godlike" pilot father and the subsequent abusive monstrousness of his stepfather Raymond, are all essential parts of the narrative. 

Some griping

Yeah, it's at least borderline "dick lit," i.e. a book about man-pain bordering on the fetishistic (i.e., your On the Road, most Hemingway books, Crime and Punishment, Catch-22, Fight Club, plenty of other literary fiction titles - those are just some I've read that fit the bill). But this is "dick lit" that actually shares something scared, vulnerable, and alone, and shows the holes in toxic masculinity - as well as the dangers of mythologizing male figures in one's life. 

The creepy Oedipal stuff with Johnny's mother, as revealed in her letters from the mental institution, and the meta-fictional portrayal of Karen, as well as all the hookup girls, definitely fit too well into that Madonna/whore dichotomy. And it's worth saying that the book is extremely white and quite straight - for someone in LA, Johnny never seems to even encounter a queer person or drag queen/king, and homosexuality is only mentioned in a context of denigrating Will Navidson's masculinity, and questioning the fidelity of his wife, Karen. Even the book metatextually commentating on the mother/whore dichotomy, and having Johnny speculate on the inner lives of his hookups, does not succeed in fishing the book out of basic sexism. 

I can only speculate about ableism a little bit, but the character Reston felt like pretty good representation, and the mental health stuff - well, at least for me, it worked. The visceral horror of developing a family member's mental illness and recapitulating the cycle of trauma? Compulsive lying or avoidance of personal history to hide the horrors within? Yeah, I get it. Not all representation has to be Perfect (TM), and the institutionalization horror of his mother probably has some problems to unpack with it, but the cloying and suffocating nature of her attachment, as well as her desperate hunger for connection with the outside world, also shone through. 

I'll be honest - this is also a book that benefits from skimreading certain sections. I'm just not sure all the physics stuff actually adds to the narrative. I'm not a crunchy enough scientist to take value from it, personally. A lot of people hate Johnny, who is definitely not a Good Person, but I felt sympathetic towards the scrappy young man. I'm surprised Tumblr isn't all over House of Leaves, because he has "scrungly" disaster vibes for sure. (And possibly, considering how much he idolizes his friend Lude, a hint of coded bisexuality? For a book with a central focus on Greek mythology, it's agonizingly straight.)

The good stuff

My favourite sections are definitely the actual explorations of the house. It's no surprise that these are the segments that have resonated the most in pop culture - fans of the SCP (Secure, Contain, Protect) universe and HP Lovecraft have almost certainly run into the main concepts of this book already. 

I guess I'm a sucker for a good gothic novel, because there is something decidedly gothic about this one - it's a House, and it's Spooky, and it's about a Family and their mental illnesses. But in this case, the house is something that travels with Johnny, not just the physical location on Ash Tree Lane. The problems with the house for the Navidsons are all part of the baggage they carry with them. 

I've been sitting with the whole structural thing about the Minotaur, Theseus, Minos, and the whole stepson/stepfather hate thing, for a bit. There's this thematic element about Johnny being emotionally and mentally ill, and his mother being ill as well - that does seem like an intentional parallel? But there's also a thing about Zampano as Daedalus and a father figure, and Johnny as Icarus, soaring too high on his father's creation, only to be killed by it.

Is the entire thing an elaborate delusion? Is Zampano real? Who is this mysterious genius, this Daedalus-like figure whose invention - the book - ensnares and entraps Johnny, our humble Icarus and Minotaur? We certainly don't get answers, but he appears to be lonely, remote, and ripe for idealization. 

Is the Navidson Record meant to be real, or all Johnny's invention? The "editor" character is particularly interesting, especially because at no point do they clarify the reality or unreality of the manuscript.

When, throughout his extended mental breakdown, did Johnny possibly have time to pen this missive? It certainly seems possible that he was doing little else. But when was it accepted and submitted to a publishing company? The book definitely wants to give the vibe of just "appearing" in print. It's very "done" nowadays, but at the time, it was particularly revolutionary. 

Why does House of Leaves still work?

Well - in my opinion, HoL commits to the gothic and keeps you invested, but it also goes deep into the mental health issues that make up the backbone of both cosmic horror and the gothic novel. 

This, then, is probably why military takes on Lovecraftian fiction and the SCPs all kind of suck. I've watched a couple of Youtube videos and listened to a few Actual Play podcasts of Call of Cthulhu games with a Delta Green focus (that's a special forces take on Call of Cthulhu), and all of them just left me absolutely cold. (Maybe other people will enjoy these live-action takes on SCPs more than I did.) In addition to the fact that I'm just not much into jingoism, and I'm kinda critical of that whole carceral-state structure and the military industrial complex, conservative politics really don't work with cosmic horror or gothic novels. 

Sure, military elements can work great - in Lovecraft's Monsters, there's a rather good take on the story of Innsmouth that involves a military intervention - but it's also inherently critical of the role of said military. I do have some fondness for the Warhammer 40K universe as well, but that's also morally complex. 

Any kind of military apologia in the face of cosmic horror just absolutely sucks the scare factor right out of stuff. It's too objective and impersonal, when it should be intimate and invasive. And above all - really good horror must come from empathy. 

If you crave more

T Kingfisher/Ursula Vernon's What Moves the Dead, the HP Lovecraft stories "The Color Out of Space" and "Dreams in the Witch House" as well as the Shirley Jackson book We Have Always Lived in the Castle are pretty excellent classic read-alikes; I haven't read Grady Hendrix's How to Sell a Haunted House yet, but I loved Horrorstor, and that's another decent read-alike for building-based horror. The "Endless Ikea" SCP is available on Youtube in multiple reading formats, as well as videos, and of course, there's always the original version on the website. 

The podcasts Welcome to Night Vale, TANIS, and the Rusty Quill Archives also all offer some good horror content if you want to savour the visceral fear of something breathing down your neck, too!

***

A writer and professional freelance editor, Michelle Browne lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partners-in-crime and their cats. She is currently working on the next books in her series, other people's manuscripts, knitting, jewelry-making, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

Find her all over the internet: *Website * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * Amazon * Tumblr * Mastodon *Facebook * Medium * Twitter  * OG Blog* Instagram * Paypal.me * Ko-fi

[lauralot89]

I saw the new Little Mermaid

Disney really saw Mera eat a flower and said, "That scene alone is what netted Aquaman a billion at the box office, we're putting that in our movie" and you know what, they were right

anyway The Little Mermaid (1989) is my favorite animated Disney film and I'm not going to pretend this is as good as it but it's far and away the best live action remake since Disney decided that the live action remakes were going to be functionally exactly the same as the originals

(It's been years since I've seen live action Cinderella and Jungle Book, I don't remember well enough to say how those compare to this)

Halle Bailey was amazing and sometimes her voice was so close to Jodi Benson's when she spoke that it threw me for a loop

I was really surprised by Melissa McCarthy's performance, she nailed Ursula's vibe and mannerisms. I still think the part should have gone to a drag queen but she rocked it

I guess there will be spoilers below the cut but also it's The Little Mermaid and y'all already know how it goes

was anyone going to tell me that Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old Men was Ariel's dad or was I just supposed to see this movie for myself

why can Scuttle breathe and speak underwater

I thought it was really cute that Jodi Benson had a cameo to give Ariel a dinglehopper

this went overlong, the original told the whole story perfectly at like an hour and twenty-two minutes and this added fifty-two minutes to that, how long do you think a child's attention span lasts

That being said while a lot of the added stuff wasn't needed, there wasn't any garbage put in that fundamentally changed what made the original story work (looking at you, Mulan remake) so that was nice

the girl who played Vanessa/Ursula in disguise looked so much like Melissa McCarthy, great job casting department

The new songs are fine, I don't see them becoming classics but they're all right and I feel bad for any song that has to go up against Howard Ashman's originals

The colors in this movie are gorgeous, I could watch Ariel's iridescent scales all day

I thought it was cute that in Eric's expanded back story, they gave him the same Special Interest in collecting that Ariel has

I have seen Eric's actor somewhere before and I have no clue where, I thought he was in Bridgerton but he wasn't and nothing on his imdb looks familiar, this will haunt me

Somehow we had to get rid of "Don't underestimate the importance of BODY LANGUAGE" because that's not a good message and we can't trust the audience to understand they're not supposed to take the villain at face value but the lyrics to Kiss the Girl remain unchanged as far as I could tell?

anyway it was fun, if you've got two hours and fifteen minutes to kill I recommend it

[artikgato]

Long post about Dragon Ball ahead!

Today I went to an actual movie theater and watched a screening of the first three episodes of the English dub of Daima. It was a lot of fun! And very nostalgic. Spoilers and reminiscing under the cut.

I was around when Dragon Ball Z was airing on Toonami back in the day. I didn't have regular access to cable so I didn't get to see any of it as it actually aired. I didn't watch the Saiyan or Namek stuff at all until much later, borrowing some friends' DVDs. I did, however, catch reruns of the Trunks - Androids - Cell sagas in the summer of 2001. That summer I was staying with relatives who did have cable. I was enthralled; I don't think I missed a single episode. I was actually pretty bummed when I had to go back to not having cable in the fall, because I knew they were going to be airing the Buu arc (it was very heavily advertised, and was probably the reason they were rerunning the Cell stuff in the first place). After that summer, though, I was hooked. I used chore money to buy some of the movies on VHS (Lord Slug and Cooler's Revenge for sure, kinda wish I still had them) and a substantial amount of the Buu saga either on VHS or DVD when VHS got phased out. So, even though it was not nearly as well written or paced as the earlier parts of DBZ, the Buu arc holds a very special place in my heart. It was what I watched through high school. (I was also the same age as Gohan, so that was fun.)

So, Daima taking place shortly(?) after the end of the Buu arc hit me in the nostalgia in a way I wasn't really expecting. I went into this knowing very little other than everybody got turned into little kids for Reasons, and the animation is very pretty. I assumed it was going to take place during or post-Super, because why wouldn't it? So, seeing that familiar cast of characters and hearing those familiar dub performances sent me straight back to my high school days (which was over 20 years ago now, get off my lawn, etc.), spending lazy Saturday afternoons watching any episodes I could get copies of on my old ass, tiny ass CRT TV. (I watched a lot of anime that way.)

Also within the first ten, fifteen minutes of episode 1 I was slapped (metaphorically) with a reminder that I had an embarrassingly big crush on this little nerd back in the day:

(did I choose the least flattering possible picture of Shin? Yes.)

To be fair (or maybe unfair) to me, I was Weird with a capital W back in high school. I had female friends who also watched DBZ. They all had sensible taste in men: Future Trunks (I mean, yeah, of course), Vegeta, high school age Gohan, Goku, even Android 17. I was the one going "okay but Piccolo is kinda hot, right?" to which they replied "the green slug man??" So I'm in high schooI and watching the Buu arc and this purple-skinned, perpetually anxious loser nerd shows up and I go "Oh??? Sign me the fuck up." And then 20 years later (I'll admit, I did not watch Super. I guess I need to fix that) I'm watching this and then I go "oh, right, Shin is hot, I forgot."

This had been, of course, after staring at his younger brother Degesu for like 10 minutes during the intro of episode 1 and going "oh no he's hot oh no he's hot oh no he's hot". And then also his sister Dr. Arinsu (not sure if she's the eldest sibling or younger than Shin) and going "oh no she's hot too oh no she's hot too" and etc. etc. But I mean, come on, can you blame me? (You can. You should, you should judge me for my weird taste. I'm not going to call it poor taste, because you know I'm right.) I mean, look at them:

(High school me would not have been going "oh no she's hot". I've come a long way.)

But, okay, y'all didn't come here for my apparent bias towards characters from the demon realm (oh, right, it turns out that Shin's people are from the demon realm and are actually demons and not gods. And Namekians are also from the demon realm and are not just alien slug men. Actually everybody with pointy ears is from the demon realm or has an ancestor from the demon realm. Go figure.).

Anyway, I've only watched the first three episodes, but so far it is really good! The action sequences were very well choreographed and animated (the fight with the burgers was SO GOOD THOUGH), the dub voice acting was stellar, and seeing all the main cast turned into kids was phenomenally entertaining. This is what GT should have been. I'll never get over realizing I was looking at a like 12 year old Master Roshi, who continued to speak like an old geezer even with the voice of a 12 year old. 10/10. (Also he has to be related to Krillin, the resemblance is uncanny.) Angery little kid Vegeta was amazing. Teenage-ish Piccolo was great, too, because we got to see him as a little kid in Dragon Ball and as an adult in DBZ, but never in this inbetween teenage stage. I wish we'd gotten to see more of the more secondary and tertiary characters, maybe that'll be in later episodes. Normally I would hate this, but it was hilarious. In GT it was just weird and off-putting to only have Goku as a little kid, but with everyone else as kids he just fits right in.

I'm definitely going to track down episodes 4 and up (I think Japan is up to 6 this week?) and keep watching. I don't think I can patiently wait for the dub like I did for the first three, so subbed it is for now. I don't typically watch DBZ in Japanese because I grew up with the dub, but I'm too interested to see where this plot is going. (And if they're going to give Degesu and Arinsu more screen time. Shin's already getting a lot, which I am very happy about.) I'm also very interested to see if anybody else got turned into a kid. Like Gohan. Are we getting Cell Games age Gohan? I hope so. But also, what other characters were included in that wish? Tien and Chaotzu? Launch? Android 17? Yajirobe? Videl? Ox King was kid-ified, but Korin wasn't. I need answers. Also we were robbed, Korin should have been a kitten.

Also also, I think they should have kept the kids who were already kids the same age they already were. Imagine little kid Vegeta being physically the same age as kid Trunks. Imagine it. I fully get why they just turned them into babies, but imagine.

[potatoes83]

I support this absolutely 100%... but there are a number of rescues that need to stop immediately treating prospective clients like they are criminal animal abusers. I looked into a local pug rescue once, and the questionnaire was... Stringent doesn't begin to describe it, it was a nightmare. Yes, I have other animals in the house. Red flag. No, my 17 year old indoor cat does not go to regular vet appointments. Red flag. Yes, we are away from the house for more than 3 hours at a time, we both work. Red flag. The amount of money I have put by for a pet emergency, AKA, what are the balances of my checking and savings accounts, are nobody's damn business! And that is a story that I have heard retold by plenty of different people who experienced the same thing if not worse from different places.

Now despite all this, anyone that knows me will happily vouch for my level of care as an animal lover. My cat is 17 years old; I have had her for fifteen of them. My almost 10 year old pug, who was 8 weeks when I got him, has had aggressive cancer, and two recurrences of same, let alone that terrifying spell most recently when he couldn't walk. Spoiler alert, that shit's expensive. But guess what; that didn't matter. And he is doing great. The frenchie that I drove 1200 miles round trip to give a good home 3 months ago, where he won't be used as breed stock or flipped for fast cash, is thriving, like he's been here all his life.

I absolutely understand and agree with the need to properly vet someone who is adopting an animal. There is no question. As a rescue, you want to find the animal a good home, not as a junkyard dog chained out in the cold, or fodder for a dog fight, or whatever other despicable things people are capable of. But there has got to be a better way than a set of completely impossible standards. It's like you don't want to find this poor creature a home. And let's be real here, people want puppies. We all know this. Cute little puppies that they can love for years to come. But that doesn't change the fact that senior pets, who have spent their lives handing out unconditional love, they deserve a warm bed and a human's love in their final months or years. Not the cold cage of a shelter. And if someone's offering that up, even if they're not the second coming of Dr. Doolittle, I think there needs to be a bit more grace and favour given to them. And I think the pet would entirely agree. 🥔

[causticsunshine]

i was tagged by both the lovely @dyingstars-x and @harrymegirlfriend to answer twenty questions about myself! this was a lot more candid than i anticipated but here we go~

💗what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

alex!

💗when is your birthday?

july 21st! cancer season baybee

💗where do you live?

in the US! i've been in the pacific northwest for about eight years but i'm definitely still a californian at heart

💗three things you’re doing right now?

1. jobhunting 2. trying to open my online shop 3. attempting™️ to finish deadline stuff and this HSLOT drawing i've been working on since saturday 🤞🤞

💗four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

i go through little phases where i have my one big primary interest—one dee since returning to it last summer—that sticks around for awhile and then some smaller, less involved ones that tend to come and go, so i'd say right now the only other 'fandom' i'm kinda in is for MDZ/the untamed/cql, even though i'm a very late member to the party!

💗how is the pandemic treating you?

okay i guess? i'd really like to be moved out already as being in therapy and gaining confidence since my big mental breakdown last fall—accompanied with quitting my job of nearly four years that didn't get me anywhere in life—i've realized how many unhealthy behaviors and mindsets are perpetuated in my household and how they're....really not good for me at all. but i also know i can't get to the place i'd like to be mentally and emotionally without moving out, i also can't move out until i find a 9-5 with bennies with all my health problems + me losing my insurance in the new year so it's been....a time.

buuuut besides the soul crushing terror of being an adult living at home with people who don't understand you, i'm confident now and a lot of my mindsets have changed to healthier ones and i've regained my love of art and being creative?

💗song you can’t stop listening to right now?

it's a combination of 'i wish i never met you' by loote, 'crowd' by sophie cates, and...... 'stay' by the kid laroi + justin bieber (although i think that one's just an earworm i need to work out lmao)

💗recommend a movie

i just got to rewatch 'cowboy bebop: the movie' and it's sooo fun....(spoilers) i know the ending of the anime is supposed to be purposefully open as it just covers a section of time in the characters' lives where they're all together but i kinda wish i'd watched the movie after as opposed to when it takes place because it's a little bit...of a nicer (and much clearer) wrap up!

💗how old are you?

twenty five 🧓

💗school, university, occupation, other?

currently jobhunting for a Boring grown up job just for some regularity and insurance (and $$ to get my ass OUT) but i want to take on freelance commission work again too! i dropped out of uni in like 2018 because the school i was going to kept fucking me over with credits just to get my associate's but maybe i'll go back one day.....maybe.....

💗do you prefer hot or cold?

HOT only because it's so gd cold and wet where i live now and even when the summers are warm they're super short and don't compensate for the months i spend not moving out of arthritis pain and freezing my ass off

💗name one fact others may not know about you.

i always come up with fun ones when i don't have any reason to share them lmao but i guess.....staying on-brand with 1d stuff, and i might've said this before, but louis gave me my first bout of gender envy that i recognized as actual gender envy when i was like, fifteen? and as i was coming out of my obvious emo phase into one more subdued, i totally dressed like twink louis for almost a year....haircut and everything....

if i can find the one photo i'm thinking of i'll post it but until then use your imagination sjkgdf

💗are you shy?

i can be? i think once i vibe with someone enough it becomes easy to talk to and open up to them but before that i can be pretty closed off and a bit impersonal.

💗do you have any preferred pronouns?

they/them!

💗any pet peeves?

i'm one of those 'people talking or random noise being made near me while i'm trying to concentrate on something fuels my murder response out of nowhere' people but otherwise...outside of common courtesy/manners stuff being ignore, i don't think so? although i genuinely hate when people walk right behind me or right in front of me...shit makes me anxious and ticks me off dfjkngdf i got shit to do!!

💗what’s your favourite “dere” type?

am i boring if i say tsundere just because it's relatable? although dorodere is kinda fun in the right setting....i love a good character twist!

💗rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

i'd say a 5? there's a lot more i want to do and achieve and things i know i could have right now if my ADHD and anxiety didn't still have such a death grip on me but i'm also in the best headspace i've been in in years so i'll take that as a win!

💗what’s your main blog?

this one!

💗list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

swmpwxtch is my art-only blog because i'm slow at finishing things and know there's no point trying to make this an 'art blog' when i reblog so much, and then prickelndauge is my insp blog (so if you're wondering why there's a startling lack of fashion and art on this blog, it's mostly over there!), then i have one for creepy/spooky stuff (bonepickng) because i know not a lot of people want to see that on main, aaaaand am-ref a ref blog for art tips, life things, donation pools, etc.! (and some old urls i have saved)

💗is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

at the risk of sounding like a YA protagonist: my heart is full of love and i try to be as understanding and open as i can be but i also have a very short bullshit fuse, so while i'm still happily understanding of certain behaviors and mindsets, if you cross the line that i put very bluntly in the sand, you're not crossing back over.

(ie i love my friends but don't be a dick and if you are you get one warning and that's all <3)

uhhh i know a lot of people got tagged already and have done this so! i'll be tagging @grimmpitch @hershelsue @niallnailme @dragmedown @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @justmehernthemoon @non-binharry @genius0flove @mamaharry @theymetinthetoihlet @saintqueer and uhhh anyone else that would like to!! and if you've done this already please ignore me~

[thiswasinevitableid]

Pleasant Surprise (Indruck Superhero AU)

A little fic I’ve had bouncing around my head for awhile, set in the universe of “The Thrilling Adventures of the Green Knight.”  It takes place after that story, and after the events of the small fics “Aww, Rats” and “Back in Time”. You can read it as a standalone, but it does contain some spoilers for main fic.

“You know how you always say communication is important in a relationship?” Indrid drums his fingers on the arm of the couch. 

Dr. Mwangi nods, the chain on her glasses glinting in the soothing lights of her office.

“I...there is something I am not sure how to communicate to Duck. I, it’s something I’ve been dishonest about. I” Indrid takes a deep breath, “I lied about the date of my birthday.”

Dr. Mwangi doesn’t so much as cock an eyebrow, much like she managed not to gasp in horror when he told her what his training regime involved when he was learning to be a villain. Indrid’s going theory is that this self-control is his therapist's super power. 

“Do you want to spend part of our session today figuring out how you’d like to talk with him about this?”

Indrid fidgets with his glasses, “Yes, please.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Duck comes home to one of his favorite scenes; Indrid sitting with his easel in front of the rat run. His boyfriend decided he needed to cultivate his artistic streak, so that one part of his life would not involve superheroing or villainy in any capacity. From the look of it, he’s still on the theme of inserting the rats into still-lifes of different styles. 

Duck loves watching him paint, in a way at once connected to and completely different from the attraction he feels observing the other man train in the hideout or dig himself into engineering a new invention. There’s the same cleverness in his hands, the same concentration lining his face. But there’s an innocence that’s absent other places, a kind of happiness that only exists in activities untouched by his past.

“Hello, chivalrous one.” Indrid murmurs as Duck comes to drape his arms over his sweater clad shoulders.

“Hey sugar. I like the new paintin’--is that Dr. Harris Bonkers?”

“Indeed.” Indrid turns his head, his grin as bright as the streetlights flickering to life outside, “The fuzzy medical practitioner in the style of Seurat. I foresee Aubrey liking it as a Christmas gift, and I wanted to do it while the inspiration was still fresh.”

“Bet she’ll get a kick outta it.” Duck kisses the top of his head, then starts removing his work clothes, “you had dinner? Thought I might reheat some pizza.”

“I ordered us dinner, it should arrive within ten to fifteen minutes, depending on whether this is the broken stoplight timeline.” Indrid sets his brushes aside, stands so he can follow Duck down the hall to the bedroom.

“Thanks for doin’ that.”

“There is, ah, something I wish to discuss before it arrives.”

Duck turns and his heart twinges. Back when Indrid was his nemesis, Duck learned to read his emotions, a skill that eluded everyone else. He can tell when Indrid is nervous and, most often, when Indrid is nervous and doing everything he can to hide it.

“What’s on your mind?” He takes a soft step towards the other man, who goes very still as he summons his next words. 

“Do you remember what I told you about my birthday?”

“That it was in the spring and you’d let me know when we were gettin close to it. Wait, fuck, you never did, not this year or last year. Then again, last year was when the White Star boys kept tryin to fuck everythin up, think a lot of stuff got missed. Do you, uh, wanna do a birthday observed or somethin? Could even get a little goofy and do a half-birthday.”

Indrid shakes his head vehemently, “No. That is not it. I, I ah, I lied. My birthday is not in spring. And before you ask ‘when is it,’ the answer is I have no idea. We never celebrated birthdays. I only know my age because my father unleashed my brother and myself upon the world some time after I, or rather we, turned eighteen.” Indrid tucks his hands into the pockets of his sweater, “that is all I wish to say.”

It would be easy to giggle at his serious tone. 

Duck pulls Indrid into a hug, “Thanks for tellin me. Do you want help tryin to work out when it really is?”

“I...I do not know. I was simply tired of such a small lie weighing me down.”

“Okay. You wanna cuddle until dinner?”

“Of cour--oh damn it all.” Indrid steps back, pulling off his sweater, “Baron Thorne is going to try and hold an entire dormitory of students hostage in forty-five minutes.”

“More than a two hero job?”

Indrid tips his head back, then replies, “it’ll go best with for. I shall alert Barclay and Aubrey.”

“Roger. I’ll get the car.”

---------------------------------------------------------

Duck’s researching potential plants for Dani to modify into non-lethal weapons when the secure elevator dings open and Agent Stern hurries out, looking a kind of excited he hasn’t seen since Barclay’s parents landed their ship to meet their son’s new boyfriend. 

“Gettin the feelin you got good news for me.”

“I do.” Joe pulls out his datapad, “I went through the files we confiscated from Abbadon to find the one on Indrid. It did indeed have his birth date, and you are not going to believe what it is.”

Duck looks at the little boxes of letters and numbers beneath the photo of a much younger Indrid with a much crueler smile. 

“No fuckin way.”

“I know right?” Joe grins, “ I think he’ll get a kick out of that.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“My birthday is on Halloween?”

“Yeah!” Duck looks so happy that for a moment the emotion carries Indrid as well. 

“That is rather fitting. It’s always been my favorite holiday.” He can see it now; little orange lights, a black tablecloth, some cake.

“And it’s three weeks away, so we still got time to plan somethin to mark the day. I was thinkin we could have it Friday, since Halloween is a Saturday and I know at least Barclay and Dani got things they do every Halloween. How’s that sound?”

He isn’t sure. Something circles up from the deep, animal part of his mind, but he can’t name it and so does his best to ignore it. 

“It sounds wonderful.”

--------------------------------------------------------

Indrid cannot escape. Everywhere he turns there are birthdays; on the T.V, in the restaurants he and Duck go to, on cards and balloons when he’s getting groceries 

It’s your big day!

“You don’t turn thirteen everyday”

To my son, on his eighteenth birthday

“To my brother, my favorite partner in crime”

“This week on ‘My Neighbor’s a Werewolf,’ Jamie throws Max a surprise party, and gets a big surprise of his own.” 

When that one flickers across the screen, Indrid clicks the T.V off with a little hiss. He’s tense, feels like the embodiment of the moment a knife-tip meets skin; resistance and resignation in the instant before it all comes pouring out. 

“You got a cake preference?” Duck rests his hand on the couch near Indrid’s shoulder, tone light as he continues, “know you like really sweet stuff, I could get mom’s hummingbird cake recipe from Jane-”

“Whatever you think best.” Indrid flexes and coils his fingers.

“‘Drid, it’s your party, you get to mark the occasion however you want.

“And what if I do not wish to mark it at all?”

“Uh…” Duck clears his throat, “uh, that’s fine too.”

Indrid turns his head to see the expression he knew would be there. 

“That upsets you.”

“N-uh, fuck, I uh, it don’t uh-”

“Duck, please do me the courtesy of not drawing out the lie.”

Ducks shoulders sag, “Guess I’m a little disappointed. I, uh, I was havin fun plannin it with you. Thought I could make up for all the times you didn’t have one.”

“Well, you can’t.” Indrid snaps, stands more dramatically than he means to. He just wants this to be over, wants to stop seeing the memories he thought he’d properly laid to rest, “you cannot make up for what I saw, what was done to me, what I did.”

“I-”

Indrid holds up his hand, “I know you see it as your job to remove all traces of my tragic past that you can.”

“Hold the fuck on.” Duck shakes his head, “Is that what you think I’m doin? ‘Drid, it’s just a party. If you don’t want it you don’t want it, but don’t fuckin pretend this is some indicator of us as a pair.”

“Oh but it is.” Indrid feels his lips curl into an old smile, “you get to play the nice, normal hero making everything better, while all I am is someone to pity, broken long before you ever met me!”

Duck goes still, and in his visions he sees the rats finishing skittering to the far side of Ratopia. It’s at this moment he realizes he’s been yelling. 

“I…I am going to bed. Goodnight.” He hurries down the hall, only bothering to change his pants before crawling under the covers. In most futures, Duck follows him and demands they finish their argument, leading to a far larger fight. But the hero doesn’t come. This gives Indrid time to get his breathing and heart rate back to normal, to try and work out why the thought of his loved ones gathering to celebrate his birth makes him want to disappear into the night. 

He’s not quite asleep when Duck comes in. He’s not quite ready to apologize. As he’s contemplating his options, his boyfriend slips under the sheet and lays in such a way that his right hand is inches from Indrid’s own. 

Without opening his eyes, Indrid slides his fingers across Duck’s palm. Duck shifts to interlink their fingers, and closes his hand. 

Indrid wakes up five hours later in two discrete stages. The first is coming out of the nightmare, of his body registering the need to move, to hide, before his brain is fully back to the present. The second is waking up enough to wonder why he always hides in the closet after these dreams; he didn’t have a closet growing up. 

He creeps into the living room, hoping he hasn’t woken Duck. He has woken Chicken, who decides it’s close enough to her breakfast time to yowl at him until he feeds her. While she crunches her cat food, he opens one of the doors to Ratopia. The mischief is mostly asleep, but at  the sound Void rouses from his spot atop Mallard and scurries over to Indrid’s hands. 

“You forgive so easily.” Indrid murmurs, cupping him in one hand and closing the cage with the other, “or perhaps you just forget with much greater skill than I.”

He knows when Duck is behind him. Without turning, he sets Void on his shoulder and says, “I think I know why I have been so unpleasant tonight. I...I have only ever marked two changes in age; being old enough to face the trials of my order and being sent out to cut down those who dared oppose us. My ‘birthday’ is a harbinger of suffering and death. And I, I know that is not the real truth, but it is the one my body believes, the one my mind has been bracing for without me fully understanding that’s what it is doing. I did not mean to take that fear out on you.”

“‘Drid” Duck’s voice is scratchy with sleep, but when Indrid turns his eyes are alert, “I’m so fuckin sorry. It, uh, it didn’t occur to me that your birthday would be wrapped up so tightly with the shit you went through as a kid. I never meant to push you into somethin you didn’t want.”

“But I do want it!” Indrid shoves his hands into his hair, “I want to have dinner with our friends, to get gifts, to enjoy a thing that millions of people partake in every day. And I am so, so very angry that I cannot, that instead I am dealing with all of this.” He gestures vaguely to himself, then looks at Duck, his body registering safe as the hero joins him by the rat run. When Duck opens his arms, Indrid nestles into them without hesitation. 

“Whatever you decide on, that’s what we’ll do.” 

Indrid hums, snickers when Void clambers onto Duck to tickle his cheek with his whiskers. After the shadows of the past recede in the warmth of Duck’s embrace, Indrid whispers, “I would like to have the party. I would like to help you plan it. But I...I would like a few of the details to still be surprises for me. It might be nice for my birthday to bring me a pleasant one for once.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oooh, this looks so cool!” Aubrey sets a gift on the table as she admires the mothman string lights, banners, and balloons, “dang, Duck, didn’t know you had a decorator streak.”

“Don’t get a chance to flex it much. And it’s kinda easy when the theme is so specific.”

“I’m trying to compliment you, doofus.” Aubrey playfully whacks his arm, then squeals, “honey, look, rats in hats!”

“Awww” Dani joins her to regard the mischief in their tiny party hats (only Mallard is still wearing his, the others in various states of tossing them about), “Indrid, did you make these?”

“Indeed, though Barclay made these.” He slides the enclosure open and sets five rat-sized cupcakes on the floor, “which is wonderful, because I did not want them to feel left out. They’re getting them earlier than the rest of us because Barclay is looking for ways to keep me out of the kitchen.”

“It’s your birthday, that means letting someone else cook!” Barclay calls from the kitchen.

“But I modified the blender and the mixer to be self-operating!”

“Wait, what?” Is all they hear before Barclay is drowned out by whirring. 

“Should we help him?” Dani says through their laughter.

“He’s a professional, he’ll be fine.” Joseph steps from the kitchen, his casual wear of jeans and a Loch Ness Monster dress shirt still somewhat jarring to the former villain who only ever saw him in suits, “Aubrey, Dani, can I get you anything to drink?”

“Yes please. Okay doctor, time to play.” Aubrey opens the special hatch in Ratopia and deposits the rabbit, who settles in to be groomed by his smaller friends. 

Dinner is fancy macaroni and cheese and fruit salad, Indrid’s favorites. As Ned regales the table with his latest misadventures in fixing up his new van (“I was unaware an owl could nest in a seat cushion”) Indrid glances at the entryway. 

“Everythin okay?” Duck whispers.

“Yes. I, ah, I simply did not expect so many gifts. I know it’s customary to receive them but I thought you got one or two. Not that everyone brought them.”

“You wanna open them?”

Indrid nods, grinning, “very much so.”

He takes care not to peek at the futures when unwrapping them, wanting to preserve the excitement as long as possible. Aubrey gives him a six pound bag of Lucky Charm marshmallows, Dani sneaks out to the car and returns with a potted plant (“I modified it so that the blossoms will be extra attractive to moths”). Ned gifts him a signed, limited run poster from Red Dust on His Soul, Joseph and Barclay a stack of new romance novels (“I think you’ll like Agent X, it’s a mystery series but he romances quite a few characters in them”). Mama sent a package from West Virginia that contains a small, wooden duck she carved herself and made especially smooth so it would be soothing to rub). And Lydia Little, AKA Sylvia Cold, presents him with a mug declaring him “Favorite Brother.” 

Duck’s present is the last one he opens. Waiting for him in the rectangular box is a white shirt with “World’s Greatest Rat Dad” on the front. The back is covered in squiggle-scratches of five different colors, which Duck explains are signatures from the mischief made in rat-safe fabric paint. 

“It’s perfect.”  Indrid sighs, kisses his boyfriend and then beams at his friends, “it is time for cake.”

They dim the lights, sing to him as Barclay emerges from the kitchen with a massive, mothman shaped cake with lots of candles. To his delight and surprise, the inside is layers of pink and yellow, flavored with strawberry and vanilla. He eats far more than is perhaps wise, but it is his birthday and it is his understanding that such things are allowed.

His guests linger for a few hours more, Aubrey and Dani the last to leave with a reminder to put the plant on the balcony. Indrid waves goodbye, closes the door and arms the security to full. He turns back into the house, sees the cards and gifts his friends put so much thought into locating for him, the stray dishes and half-empty glasses that signify they were here. For him. Because they wanted to be, because they care about him.

“‘Drid? You want any more cake before I put it aw--oh fuck, sugar, what’s wrong.”

“Nothing” he sniffles, grins, “these are tears of happiness. I, ah, I hurried us into cake because I felt them upon me when I opened the gifts. It will take some time yet for me to be willing to show such feelings around our friends.” He wipes his eyes, “thank you, my love, for arranging this.”

“Any time, darlin.”

He smiles, “Have I mentioned lately that you are my hero?”

“Pretty sure you called me that this mornin. But I sure as hell don’t mind hearin it again.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

“What is this?” His brother scowls up from the paper plate Indrid passed to him through the complex delivery system keeping his cell from the world around it.

“Cake. Today is our birthday. Did you know that?”

“Who cares for such frivolous things, little brother?”

“Those of us who do not spend our lives steeped in the misery of others, twin brother. If you do not want it, give it back and I shall share it with one of the guards.”

Apollo looks at the cake. Then he kneels on the floor, tearing into it with his hands. He doesn’t eat it what he destroys, and after a moment Indrid grasps why.

“Did you really think I hid some device to help you escape in there?”

“Yes.” His brother is now trying to light stab the cake with his gaze. 

Indrid rubs his forehead, “Perhaps some day you will learn to see things for how they are, not how you believe them to be.” He starts for the door, looks over his shoulder and says softly, “happy birthday, Apollo.”

A slam as his brother strikes the see-through front of his cell, “Get back here this instant you worthless, traitorous, coward!”

The door slides open and Indrid steps into the hall. Joseph is waiting for him, drops his eyes from the security feed to the man in front of him, “what a waste of Barclay’s cooking.”

“Agreed.”

A gentle pat on his shoulder, “You tried, that counts for a lot. Now go enjoy your night.”

“And my knight?”

“Him too.” Joseph waves goodbye, then adds, “and happy birthday!”

Indrid gets home before the city trick or treating hours begin; he’s feeling rather good, all things considered, and Halloween is so beloved by villains that the odds of his evening being interrupted by work are almost none. 

Duck is on the porch lighting their Jack ‘O Lanterns, grinning brighter than all the candles and lights on the block combined when Indrid walks up the steps to join him. He sees in the futures that he’s made him a special, Halloween themed birthday dinner. 

He pulls Duck into a hug, kissing the top of his head with happy sighs, thanking whatever twist of fate pushed him into the arms of the man who was, in many ways, his first-ever pleasant surprise.

[pinnochiro]

pinn reviews - final fantasy xv

a long ramble about final fantasy fifteen that sort of looks like a review, as written by someone who finished the game fifteen minutes ago and needs to get these words out of his head. spoilers inbound.

i'm a pretty big fan of video games. i don't know what my first was, but it was probably either banjo and kazooie or mario kart 64, at my cousin's house when i was very small. i think that video games as a medium are so interesting, since the fact that video games are inherently interactive changes the way that they tell any story. it's a shame that despite loving video games so much, i'm absolutely terrible at them.

i'm absolute dogshit at video games. whenever i boot up something new, i always play on easy mode because. i'm that bad. unfortunately, this means that a lot of video games are simply. impossible for me to beat. that's fine, as at the moment i live with my good friend lizz, who is certifiably Good at Video Games, and so we've been playing video games together for a little bit now. typically this means that she will actually play the majority of the game while i sit with her and watch, but occasionally i'll have a go, but she'll end up with the controller as soon as a boss fight or puzzle or a mechanic i just can't seem to grasp shows up. we recently played through the entirety of the kingdom hearts series together, and this was an absolute blast of a time. i'm glad to say that i adore kingdom hearts now, and it's become one of my hyperfixations, which you might be able to tell from my icon. but we'd finished the kingdom hearts series, and we were left to move onto something else. we'd also played final fantasy 7 remake, so in my wisdom, i suggested that we play another final fantasy game.

we looked through the ff games that were already purchased on our consoles thanks to lizz's uncle, and eventually, we decided that we should play. all of them. however to start, we were going to play final fantasy xv, 15, and work our way backwards through the mainline, single-player games.

i'd heard that xv wasn't very good, but honestly, i was still quite curious. one person who i'd been following on twitter for years was pretty obsessed with the main party members, to the point where i knew their names and what-not even though i didn't have much of an idea what the game itself was about. i remember watching a video by supereyepatchwolf a few years ago about how the game sucked, but i couldn't remember much of the details, and i knew, based on my obsession with kingdom hearts, that xv had started as a different game called final fantasy versus xiiv. i don't know all the details about versus thirteen, but i do know that it was originally helmed by the creator of my beloved kingdom hearts, mr tetsuya nomura, and that after many years, the vast majority of the game was thrown out, nomura wasn't in charge any more, and the whole thing was rewritten and reworked, which sounds like a fairly rough development cycle. but so what, i don't care about gameplay. i want to play the video game with those cute guys that i see fanart of on twitter, and lizz seemed happy enough to play through it with me.

and so we started final fantasy xv. i've been told that since the game was practically dead on arrival, they threw in a bunch of new content and reworked a lot of the early game before i got my hands on it. so my gameplay started with a scene of the four guys fighting some demon dude on fire and they're all old and grotty. whatever, that cutscene ends and we're put into a combat tutorial. that's over and we're on the road in what looks to be central america, pushing a car.

our four leading lads are noctis, the prince of the lucis empire, his best friend prompto, his bodyguard, gladio, and his chef and other things, ignis. i do quite like the main four members of the party in xv. prompto is quite easily my favourite, voiced by robbie daymond of goro akechi fame and with a bunch of fun little animations and quips that make him very likeable. he gets extremely excited at the idea of riding chocobos and has what i considered the best scene of the game, where he and noctis meet on a motel rooftop and discuss prompto's imposter syndrome, since he's only part of noctis' official retinue as his best friend. noctis is a fairly typical main protagonist, he's in love with a woman he hasn't seen in eight years and needs to go marry her or something, i don't care. gladio is a tough macho man with a mullet who wears leather jackets and wields a greatsword, and is apparently only 22, which is at least 10 years younger than i assumed. ignis is a strategist and chef, who takes on the most authoritative role and constantly tells noctis to not drive his car at night. i was not a fan of ignis at the start, but he grew on me, especially with how hard the game hit me with his personal arc. the four boys are off, driving to noctis' wedding in a different country across the desert when their car breaks down. we then run into the first issue of the game.

cindy is a mechanic. she also has her ass and tits out constantly, like your sleazy uncle's shirt with a naked woman was instead semi-alive as a video game person. she fixes your car and acts fairly sexual and it's just like. why do we have to do this. aren't we over overtly sexualised women in video games who have no reason for the way they dress other than the character designer was horny? whatever, i like women as much as the next guy, but cindy's design just. makes me feel so uncomfortable.

anyways you get to do a little driving around with the boys, until you stay the night before catching the boat to your fiance. overnight, you find out that noctis' kingdom has been basically destroyed by an invading empire called niflheim, and practically everyone noctis knows, including his father, are dead. you learn that noctis and his bride to be are also assumed dead, with noctis hearing his own death announcement on the radio. the game has a bunch of added cutscenes that are actually footage from the three-hour-long prequel movie that came out after the game, are extremely hard to follow and honestly i had no idea what i was looking at. anyways, noctis' family is dead, so it's time to do some hunting sidequests.

that brings us to the combat, i suppose. rather than the turn-based or even active turn-based combat that the series is known for, xv opts for more modern action rpg-styled combat. i was, naturally, terrible at this, but i managed to get around it with the fact that. it is almost impossible to die in this video game, provided you have enough items. the game allows you so much time to heal yourself that there's practically no way to have your entire party wipe unless you're doing absolutely terrible, and even then, your party members will probably try and heal you themselves before that happens. lizz tells me that the combat is boring, you just push the same button over and over and then you win. i do appreciate that, for someone like me who is terrible at reading enemy movements, there is a giant button that pops up on screen that tells you when to push the block button, but even then i was prone to fucking it up. whether that's the bad game design or my terrible gaming abilities is up to you to decide. anyways, the game is fairly easy but has annoying combat, your teammates limit breaks will only land about 50% of the time (or never, if you are gladio) and i was still bad at it, so i didn't have all that much fun.

instead of an active levelling system, the game will only tally your character's level ups when you either make camp or visit a hotel. camping is, in my opinion, the only saving grace of this game. each time you make camp, you get to see the characters doing fun little camping activities together and just hanging out, ignis will cook up a new meal in a dramatic fashion and everyone will compliment him and eat it off their coleman's branded plates, it's just very fun. you also get to see what pictures prompto has taken, which is one of my favourite gameplay features. prompto's passion is photography, and while i support him in this wholeheartedly, his picture taking skills are, quite frankly, awful. the game will randomly take shots while you're on the move, which leaves you with a delightful selection of awkward poses, characters hidden behind bushes, pictures taken while someone is half-dead in combat, and snaps where the natural lighting absolutely makes it impossible to tell what's going on. it's hilarious and going through prompto's collection of photos each night is honestly the best part of the game. we managed to wind up with a few shots that, even despite being scripted events, turned out absolutely terrible, and i will cherish those forever.

anyways, since noctis' father and fiance are dead, that leaves him the king of lucis. the only important person to make it out of the capital alive tells you to drive to the middle of nowhere, where he randomly springs on you. hey. go into a bunch of these dungeons and absorb a bunch of swords, this is your destiny as king and how you will defeat the empire. noctis goes, uh, alright i guess, and you're set loose again to wander around for a bit collecting the 'royal arms'. this plot point wasn't explained well but hey, whatever, we're collecting the glowy swords and that's fine.

you're introduced at some point to ardyn, the main antagonist. he's old, kind of groady and wears a fedora. he's a dick to you and talks about his automobeeel. apparently my friend miri thinks he's hot, she is wrong.

i can't remember what happens specifically but you're told that your fiance is still alive and in fantasy venice, and she's talking to the gods on your behalf to borrow their powers. there's a mission where you follow some purple trees that are electric, and you do that i guess. i enjoyed riding the chocobos around, but couldn't care much for the plot at this point. ardyn leads you to a volcano, where you fight a giant lava god. he tries to step on you and i, a denizen of the internet and with an active fear of foot fetishists, was extremely uncomfortable. noctis becomes friends with foot man and a lightning god who lived in those trees, and ardyn steals your car.

very upset by this, noctis and his gang risk everything to sneak into a military base and steal it back. because this is a video game, this works out fine.

there's a little mining city which is all about Girl Power, because all the Women run the Mining Industry like Girl Bosses, and you hang around there for a bit. because all the women are so Empowered, they wear bikinis all the time with overalls over the top. gladio decides he needs to fuck off for a bit, i have no idea what he does since i haven't played the dlc, and then he comes back with another scar. you hang out with his sixteen year old sister, who has a crush on the engaged and 20-year old noctis, and then you drive her to a lighthouse. when she's in your party, she can't really fight, but she gets a pink chocobo and i thought that was very cute. we turned out own chocobo white and lizz named him 'jones' after a mount she has in ffxiv.

eventually, you have a long boat ride over to fantasy venice. this is the part where the game stops being 'fun with a few issues in combat and a rushed and poorly told story.' the open world, which was a main feature with a bunch of little areas to find where noctis can fish, little hunting sidequests and random photo spots where prompto takes touristy photos, is now gone, and it will not return for the entire rest of the game. you can 'go back in time', but the open world was the most enjoyable part of the game, and it kind of really sucks that the main story doesn't let you have any more freedom like that.

after arriving in fantasy venice, you have a talk with fantasy hillary clinton and beg her to let your girlfriend summon a god into the middle of her city. hillary agrees, and you don't get to meet up with your fiance, because even if the game is constantly telling you how much noctis loves her, there is. barely any interactions between the two in the entire game. from what i can tell, they met when noctis was a child and they haven't seen each other in ten years but are still fantasy dog pen-pals. noctis marrying her was supposed to make an alliance or something like that, but her brother has betrayed her to the army. noctis' girlfriend is also an oracle, which means she can heal people, i guess? everyone talks about how important she is and she's constantly telling people that she needs to use her powers to help noctis but she's practically a non-entity.

as can be expected of most female love interests in a game primarily focused on men, noctis' fiance is killed while summoning a god for noctis to befriend. noct gets very mad about this, and turns super saiyan and kills the god back, but his girlfriend is dead and that's super sad you guys. there's a beautiful prerendered cutscene where she says goodbye to noctis but since we barely know her, and we've only been told over and over that they're in love without anything to actually well, show this, it didn't have much of an impact. fantasy venice is destroyed, and ignis is blinded while trying to help calm the giant raging god.

iggy's blindness and how the game makes you account for this and grow to care for him was one of the highlights, in my opinion, as well as crushingly depressing. while i'm not disabled and have no right to say if this was 'good disabled representation' or anything like that, i believe that the game handles it decently enough. the group falls apart as noctis is upset about his girlfriend, gladio is extremely mad that noctis won't care for ignis, and prompto just wants everyone to get along. there's a mission where gladio constantly yells at you passive aggressive things to noctis about how he's a cunt for running, which is obnoxious, but the character arc itself is fairly strong. when you make camp, ignis can't cook anymore, so everyone eats cup noodles in a depressing ass cutscene. ignis remains in your party for the rest of the game despite his disability, and he doesn't magically regain his sight like other fantasy media would do, which at the very least i think is good. i'm not sure what the opinion of actual disabled people is of the character, considering how often disabled characters are either turned into misery porn to make the abled audience be glad that isn't them and if ignis' arc falls into this trap, but i hope that it wasn't handled too poorly, as that would just be another terrible mark in this game's list of bad moves.

the characters eventually make it to the evil empire's capital, which is abandoned and filled with daemons. the characters learn that ardyn is super evil and taught the king of the empire how to turn humans into daemons, which has now happened to the entire city. the 'magitek suits', presumed to be enchanted armour that fights as the empire's infantry, actually house the souls of the human-turned daemons. honestly i like this as a plot point but the game handles it pretty terribly. there could have been more lead up to this, the explanation is pretty lacking, and prompto's Big Plot Twist is. terribly handled. turns out that prompto was born in the empire and was going to be one of those empty soldier daemons, but he was rescued by people belonging to noctis' empire. not that the game tells you that. instead, prompto goes 'turns out i'm one of ... them' and Does Not Elaborate. The game doesn't tell you shit, not about prompto's past, not about how he feels about this, not about how anyone else feels about this either because the other party members just go 'oh that sucks, good thing you're not evil' and the scene ends. robbie daymond tries so hard to sell these terrible, terrible lines, and it almost entirely fails, i'm so sorry prompto. fortunately because i'm a nosy ass, i read prompto's wikia page and knew the plot twist ahead of time, because i don't think i would have even registered it if i didn't.

anyways everyone in the evil empire is dead and ardyn starts talking about how he's immortal and an ancient king of noctis' country but the gods thought he sucked because he's too evil. i missed most of this because the cats got the zoomies and were dashing across the couch right in the middle of his speech so i can't tell you anything else. noctis tries to get a big magic crystal to fight him and instead. gets schlorped inside.

TEN YEARS LATER

yes then ten years actually pass while noctis is asleep. the game shows this by switching the head on noctis' character model to have a beard, but that's it, no changes in animations or whatever. the sky is permanently night and only one human civilisation remains, the rest destroyed by daemons. as a plot point, this ends up feeling. extremely worthless. why was noctis asleep for ten whole goddamn years? so we can wake up and go 'damn it sucks out here'. but it's barely even a like, incentive to fix everything, because you have a long talk with a former child you were friends with where he talks about how humanity is still going fine and everyone's okay and the world has moved on without you. it feels. pointless. when you meet up with your party members, they are exactly as you left them, only with slightly different character models. there is no change in the voice performance, the character's movements or how they talk to show that they've been without you for ten years. they barely mention it. i'm just. so confused as to why they decided that a ten year timeskip was the way to go? since nothing really changes, couldn't you have made it like, two years? one year? six months?? have the characters react a little more? something??? at least if it was only a year or so i wouldn't have to deal with the fact that noctis looks like norman reedus with his shitty facial hair now.

anyways after that there's a bunch of long and boring boss fights. you fight some dead kings for some reason, your party members get a little bit to talk about how cool they are and how much they love noctis, and then you meet up with ardyn. there's another boring boss fight and god this was only a few hours ago but it's already gone from my head. you summon the gods and the old kings to beat the shit out of him after you both go super saiyan again? there's incredible music but it feels barely earned and just kind of eh. anyways, noctis dies, which was the price of using the crystal of light or whatever the fuck. his ghost marries his fiance's ghost finally, and they smile as they look at one of prompto's pictures. you can pick any picture you want to go here, and then the credits roll, showing all of the pictures you saved of prompto's shots. showing me all the pictures at the end is honestly lovely, but it really only served to remind me of how much more fun the game was in the first half. and that's the end, of final fantasy xv.

so what did i think of the story? it's terribly cobbled together and struggles to get you to feel anything and play out all the plot beats. you feel awful for the countless employees who spent years working on the beautiful cutscenes only to have them be in this game, which sucks and the story barely gets through. there were parts that i enjoyed, mostly the thing about the daemons being people, but honestly the rest of it is a mess. it's hard to follow at the best of times and just awkward and terribly written at the worst. the ending is cheap, and it doesn't feel like you've actually accomplished anything. i left that game feeling numb and empty, sad that i'd wasted so much time to end up with such a colossal failure of a conclusion.

i had fun with the game when it was my four little guys running around doing sidequests and camping together. after the midway point of the game, there's none of that, and you're bogged down into a plot that just pushes you from point a to point b and boring overlong bossfight to boring overlong bossfight. the character moments between your party are a lot of fun, but the second you hit fantasy venice, everything is pretty much on rails and you can't do anything except what the game tells you explicitly to do.

should you play this game? no lol. if anything i've mentioned about the story interests you, you'll be better off watching a lore video or reading the wiki. if you do want to play it after all that, just don't proceed after the myrthril refining quest, it's pretty much all downhill from there. will i play the dlc? unlikely, i think lizz and i will just watch a cutscene movie of those.

this game left me feeling empty and numb and not in a fun way. i wanted, so, so hard to like this game, and it all crashed around me in a beautifully overproduced and confusingly written cascade. i love you prompto, but even your cute little freckly face and terrible photography can't save this trainwreck of a game.

tl;dr - final fantasy xv sucks. i hope that 13, our next ff game, will be better.

[panda0919]

A rant about Voltron: Legendary Defender because ... apparently I feel like embarrassing myself on main 🤷‍♀️ (beware of spoilers ahead if you're a few years late to this party and you care)

-

When the Netflix series originally came out (in 2016-ish, I believe?), I didn't really give it any thought because it's based on a mecha anime and I have zero interest in space robots. But I love animation and I eventually came under the impression that there was decent POC and queer representation in the show. I finally started watching it a couple of weeks ago. I finished the series today.

Here are some of my thoughts/impressions, in no particular order, because I feel like rambling about something other than politics for once:

I'm glad I didn't watch the show when it was a "thing", because I've read that its fandom was scary. So I guess I dodged a mess there.

Pidge is precious and is probably my favorite character. She is so determined and nerdy and resourceful and androgynous and I loooooove her. She has the universe on her shoulders and takes herself very seriously, but she also gets several moments to be the fifteen-year-old kid that she is. I love that nobody on the team treats her any differently (even if Lance is initially shocked) when she tells them about her gender.

Hunk is also precious. Media in general really needs to move the fuck away from fatphobic "humor", though. He was definitely written to be more than his size and his love for food, but ... those things were still running jokes and the way he was treated just didn't sit right with me (more about that in a bit). He's such a caring soul and I found him to be an endearing character.

I guess there is decent representation? I have mixed feelings about how it is/isn't shown.

Like ... Shiro's endgame love interest and wedding both come out (lol) of nowhere (who is that guy? how did they meet? where's the buildup?) Of course, we already know that Shiro is queer because there are brief references to his ex boyfriend, but once we learn about this part of his back story, his role in the remainder of the series is kind of sidelined. Sure he's not a paladin anymore but his overall story is a huge part of the broader show. You can't tell me that, at the very least, he and Keith don't continue to spend time together outside of work or combat settings. He has been through so much and they are each others' rocks.

Allura fucking DIES??? Yes, let's just kill off the only brown female central character. She's already survived a genocide; lost her entire family, culture, and planet; and frequently shares her healing powers with others to the point of falling ill, but that's not enough - she has to literally sacrifice her own life as well. It doesn't sit right with me at all. She deserves better. (On a lighter note, I like that Allura has a very feminine appearance and that this is not implied to be a weakness. Additionally, she and Pidge are never placed into any sort of hierarchy with each other as women).

Keith is a super interesting character. He doesn't come off as someone who has serious "discipline issues" so much as someone who struggles with social situations. I like that he has the opportunity to learn how to trust and care for other people in addition to Shiro. He works to reign in his self sabotaging tendencies and finds that his life has just as much value as anyone else's. Also: Keith is the only person, animated or real, who will ever look good with a mullet.

A Keith/Lance rivals-to-lovers storyline would have been *chef's kiss* I would have enjoyed more screen time between the two of them not only because their interpersonal antics are hilarious, but also because I just get the ~vibe~ that Lance in particular is aggressively performing heterosexuality and that this somehow ties into the way that the show explores his general struggle with feelings of inadequacy. He's silly, but complex. I do appreciate that Lance begins to grow into his own and that he and Keith develop some level of mutual respect for each other by the end of the series, though.

The Lance/Allura thing is cute but doesn't make much sense because there is no buildup. Lance obviously has a crush on her throughout the series, but Allura's reciprocation feels really random.

Slav is what anxiety feels like.

I know that Voltron is a mecha war story, but I just would have loved to see more of a focus on the dynamics between the characters. The writers have said that the show is not really about relationships, which is fine, but that assertion kind of betrays the reality of the series, doesn't it? We learn a lot about Pidge's family, and her dedication to finding her dad and brother. We piece together Keith's and Shiro's traumatic backgrounds, and how they have come to be such close friends. We learn about the complicated, abusive dynamics between Lotor, Haggar/Honerva, and Zarkon, including their implications for broader relations throughout the universe (also: I think Lotor could have had an interesting redemption arc). But in addition to all of this ... What about Hunk's and Lance's backgrounds? What were their lives like before the garrison? What about Allura's memories of her life before Altea was destroyed (e.g., her relationship with her father in particular)? What about how Keith patched things up with his mom when they suddenly came back into each others' lives (we just ... watched them come out of the quantum abyss after a brief montage that's supposed to represent a span of two years and now they're okay)? I think these things would have added a lot of substance and nuance to the show, and may have also heightened its stakes. I don't know.

It was an engaging series. I liked the animation and (many of) the characters. I just think that it could have been more.

Anyway ... look at me railing on about a show aimed at children. I think I'm gonna go watch She-Ra and the Princesses of Power next lmao

[noobsomeexagerjunk]

Left Undone

Ted didn’t want to babysit Bill’s daughter. He didn’t like Bill, and Bill didn’t like him. Why did he have to be the only one in the office who was free for the weekend? Alice didn’t exactly want to be babysat either. She’s too old for that!

Little did Ted and Alice know how much fun they were going to have.

(AU wherein Alice has not dated Deb yet, Bill hasn’t divorced yet either; MASSIVE SPOILERS for BoJack Horseman Season 3 and Moulin Rouge! are discussed)

Friday Prologue | Saturday Chapter | Sunday Chapter | Monday Epilogue

Alice woke up fairly well-rested Saturday morning, forgetting for a second that she wasn’t in her own house.

Ted Spankoffski’s house had 3 bedrooms. One was a master bedroom where Ted slept and also did any other non-CCRP related work. Another was a room where Ted’s nerdy brother stayed for the Summer; ever since Ted got himself a house, his younger brother would stay over at his place during holidays and academic breaks.

Then there was the spare guest bedroom Alice was in where Ted had to set up for her the previous evening. It was very plain.

She went downstairs, explored a little, then found no one. She went back up, knocking on Ted’s bedroom door. No response.

Alice then decided to wash up instead, to feel fresh in the morning. She did all the work in the downstairs bathroom (Ted specifically told her to use that particular bathroom), leaving it as neat as it was before she came to the house.

She tried to knock on the door again, the increased strength of her rapping revealing to her that the room had not been locked, or closed properly for that matter.

She peeked in to find Ted who was still asleep, clutching a laptop like a stuffed toy. His shirt, boxers, and socks tied together with his slumped figure, which also seemed intertwined with the bedsheets. There were used tissues all over the bed, some on the floor making a trail to a semi-used paper towel roll. There were an empty bowl and two empty beer bottles on the bedside table. It reeked of Corona and clearly imported Honey Butter Chips.

Alice stepped in to try to wake Ted up, but the floor creaking below her was enough to make him jolt awake.

“Who the fu-“ Ted calmed down from the shock of waking up so suddenly, “A-Alice?!  Shit, I forgot you’re here,”

“I-Is there anything I can eat?”

Ted rose from his position, sitting upward on his bed, “...are you allergic to eggs? Milk?”

“No, I’m not allergic to either.”

“Good,” Ted yawned, getting up and stretching, “because my fridge is fucking empty.”

“I noticed.”

That was hyperbole...sort of. The only breakfast that could be made from Ted’s pantry was egg toast and cereal. There was enough for both of them to finish all of said egg toast and cereal.

“What were you watching last night?” Alice asked Ted, playing with her fruit loops a little.

“Hm?” He swallowed the last bite of his toast with instant coffee.

“You were crying for about thirty minutes; I couldn't sleep-”

“I-It was a sad episode, alright?!” Ted was slightly embarrassed, hesitating to take another sip of coffee, “That fucking baby seahorse will never know...”

Alice raised a brow, unaware of the reference. She ate some more cereal.

“Don’t give me that look, Alice!” That was Bill’s glare, alright, “BoJack Horseman is a very good show!”

“And you binged the whole thing last night?”

“It’s the new season. I’ve got two episodes left before I finish.” Ted then proceeded to chug down what was left of his coffee.

“My laptop died during my binge but it was late and I was just,” He blew a raspberry, “...I needed to sleep.”

“I’ve done that before, not gonna lie,” Alice place down the spoon, done with her breakfast, “Though, the show I watched was kinda...yeah, it was kinda shitty,”

“Let me guess: you’ve watched it because someone hot’s in it,”

Alice blushed, “I-It’s not just that!”

“Hey hey hey,” Ted chuckled, “I’m guilty of that, I ain’t judging.”

Alice hmphed, “Should I watch that—what’s that show?”

“BoJack Horseman?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm,” Ted then began cleaning up by taking Alice’s utensils, stacking them with his, “it starts weak but gets so much better, like real fucking better. Dunno if you’re old enough to watch it though,”

“I’ve seen some pretty adult stuff! Mom makes me watch Tarantino movies with her, at least whenever Dad's not around sometimes,"

Ted nodded at Alice’s mother’s taste in film, “Aight, but that show just...it just hits somewhere really hard when you’re in your early thirties full of regret and with no discernible life direction but, hey! If you can take it, I’d be impressed.”

Alice blinked, “What? Is it like, psychological horror? The kind rooted in some comedically timed socio-political commentary?”

“Well, arguably.” Ted then got up to bring the dishes in his hands into the kitchen.

“...where can I find it?” She asked with mild interest.

“Netflix,” The sound of dishes landing in a sink was heard from Alice’s seat, “It’s a cartoon too, and like, about a bunch of animals, if those kinds of things float your boat.”

Alice never made it past Episode 1 when she tried to watch it herself, convinced Ted’s taste was shit. Personally, she will regret that.

The rest of that morning left Alice and Ted to their own individual devices. Alice typed away some interesting plots and ideas on her phone. Ted went to finish the last episodes of that sad horse show.

An hour before the time Alice would usually eat lunch, she had been cycling around various plotlines for a potential...well, something. Alice knew she just had to write something.

She was in the living area of the house when she heard Ted sloppily walk down the stairs. His eyes were teary.

"Are you alright, Mr. Spankoffski?" She looked at him with concern.

Ted shakily neared her, hesitating to sit on the couch next to her. He instead placed a languid hand on one of the couch's armrests.

"Please don't die on me, Alice, oh my God..."

He broke into sobs. Alice could only stare at this behavior in confusion.

"Did something bad happen in the show, or...?"

"Fuck, it got worse!" He sniffled, "A-And not, like, n-not in a bad writing context--that show's writing is the shit, Alice! But fuck! F-Fuck!"

Sarah Lynn was not supposed to die, but she did die and the fact left Ted devastated. A part of him knew it was gonna happen as he saw the old man, er, horse, and the poor girl in the motel, missing the Oscars. (Then again, that show had a penchant for hollowing, tragic endings per episode.)

Even in entertainment, in his favorite shows to watch, Ted Spankoffski knew better than to hope. It was more realistic for him.

"You can sit down," Alice moved aside to give Ted space to sit.

Ted cried as he sat next to her, "God, I'm sorry y-you had to see me like this,"

"I've...I-I've had worse breakdowns over a show. I-It's all good."

TV and Movie homophobia still haunted the teenage girl.

It's things like that, whether extravagant or subtle in delivery, that prompted her to write and clarify in any way that she could if only to fight. Alice Woodward was the kind of girl who refused to despair.

"Yeah, A-Alice?"

"Mhm," She nodded, quickly writing "character gets sucked into a tv show???" in her phone's Notes app.

"What if we watched something less depressing instead? You can watch it with me, Alice!" Ted breathed, "You're not bored, are you?"

She added "literally? figuratively? ehhh let the watchers decide??? kshfukdhivg" then kept her phone.

"No! N-No, I know how to keep myself, um, b-busy," Alice then shifted herself into a more comfortable position, "What movies do you have?"

Ted paused before answering, realizing he was hungry.

“You pick,” He said, getting up, “You want pizza with that?”

Alice nodded eagerly, watching Ted head for his phone.

“Wait, what am I supposed to pick?”

“There’s a bunch of CD cases in the drawer under the center table—it’s right in front of you!” Ted's voice decrescendoed as he headed upstairs.

“Drawer?” Alice wondered to herself, bending down to inspect the described center table. There was in fact a drawer.

She pulled it open to find bunches of CD cases, charging wires, and what clearly seemed to be unusable gadgets or “e-junk” as her father would, in a terribly corny way, put it.

Alice noticed a notable amount of movie musicals in one bundle of CD cases. The one that got her attention was Moulin Rouge!, unfamiliar with the title and very taken by the red-haired beauty printed on the cover. There was Jesus Christ Superstar, West Side Story, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and a bunch of Disney Princess movies. Upon further inspection of the non-musical movies, Ted had a diverse taste in film, though it was primarily pretty basic in Alice's opinion, minus a few exceptions.

She closed the drawer, further inspecting the Moulin Rouge CD cover by reading the synopsis on the back. An aspiring writer falls in love with a courtesan but other things get in the way? Alice could not blame the writer, in fact, she was quick to identify with him, even if she had not seen the movie yet.

“Alice?” Ted called from upstairs, “Are you allergic to anything I should know?”

“No,” She called back, playing with the CD cover.

“Good! I’m getting us a Bacon Surprise,”

“Alright,” Apparently Ted chose to order from that  Witchwood Ovens Shop downtown.

“What movie do you wanna watch?” Ted asked as he went back down. Alice showed him the CD cover.

“Moulin Rouge?” He mispronounced, “I actually have that in there?”

Alice handed the cover to Ted as he approached her, “I don’t think I’ve seen this one,”

“No shit, Alice. This movie’s got prostitution; if I know your Dad enough,” He stared at the cover, trying to remember when he got it, "he would make sure you'd never see it. God, I remember seeing this in the theater, like, when I was about your—h-how old are you again?"

"Fifteen, but I'll be sixteen later this year,"

"Eh, close enough," Ted then placed the CD cover down, ready to set up the television set in the living room.

"Nicole Kidman, man..." Ted dusted the CD player, plugging the TV into it, "She was the fucking best in that thing."

"Do you even know what happens in it?" Alice asked as she watched Ted at work, "Or were you just hoping Nicole Kidman would step on you?"

"Don't you fucking shame me, Alice!" Ted gasped back as he blushed, "If you had any taste in women, you'd want the same Goddamn thing."

Ted guessed correctly, keeping the girl from returning his snark.

It was around the Elephant Love Medley when the pizza arrived. Ted was kind enough to pause for Alice as he went to get the pizza. Alice was still recovering from the exhilaration of the past few songs, overwhelmed with the crowd-like effect of the cheesy-Jukebox mashups that introduced Christian to that infamous dancehall, the gratuitous use of slow-mo effects, and the ridiculous use of that Can-Can. It was "Spectacular Spectacular" indeed!

Alice almost choked on her pizza during the Like A Virgin scene. It was also very clear to her, as they watched, that Ted must've forgotten a lot of what had happened in the film given some of his reactions. Ted cursed The Duke repeatedly, particularly at that scene when he found out about the true nature of Christian's play.

Ted believed that he should've seen Satine dying coming. He saw this movie before. The movie literally said so right at the start!

Why, as he watched, did he want that happy ending when the opposite was inevitably going to happen?!

Something about Satine charmed Ted, in a particularly nightmarish way. The idea of further thinking about it was repressed repeatedly, refusing to confront the roots of it all. Surely it was just him being a horny bastard, right? Right?

This totally had nothing to do with the fact that Satine had vibrant red hair, cerulean eyes, polished milky skin, and a beautiful figure.

This totally had nothing to do with how familiar this fictional character seemed to be, resembling someone Ted remembered with intense, bittersweet longing.

This totally had nothing to do with the sight of Satine breathing her last breath on a bed of roses reminding Ted of a memory that he swore hadn't happened yet.

Or it did happen?

Why debate when it happened when it shouldn't have happened at all? It wasn't supposed to happen, whatever that thing was that Ted didn't need to remember at the moment. And yet...

She didn't make a sound. Heartbreak was never so loud.

Alice's sniffling brought Ted back to reality. Ted put a hand on her shoulder.

"God, I-I look so stupid," Alice chuckled out from her tears, rubbing her teary eyes, "they literally say it in the beginning, ugh!"

Ted coddled her closer to him so he could hug her but Alice recoiled back.

"T-Thanks, but we both smell like pizza," Ted nodded back in response.

As he cleaned up the living area, he asked Alice, "How was the movie?"

"It was pretty cheesy," She pulled out her phone again, inspired to write, "but kinda fun? Like, you don't get fun movies with this much energy, at least, when I try to compare, well. You know what I mean."

"Yeah," Ted replied absent-mindedly, "It certainly brings back memories of, well,  certain times."

"I think it kinda comes off as an epic-like piece,"

"No need to wax academic, Alice,"

"You asked for it!"

"I asked about how it was, not for an essay about its themes and shit!" Ted straightened himself up with a chuckle, "It's just a movie, after all."

"It hits different though," She spat back, focused now on her phone.

Witchwood Oven Shop pizzas were notably heavier on the stomach compared to their competitors. Any leftover pizza the two had for lunch that day, Ted proceeded to reheat for dinner. He scavenged his refrigerator for any packs of instant lemonade, which were thankfully there, and prepared two glasses for the two of them.

It was a shitty excuse for dinner, but Alice didn't seem to mind. She was very concentrated on her phone.

"What'cha writing about?"

Alice tilted her phone as to hide it, "It's not really much yet. It's all a bunch of prompts so far."

"You can pitch me stuff," He swallowed a bite, "Which ones really get to you?"

"Well," She hesitated.

"Well?"

"I-I've got a traveling adventure in a fancy, cultured but mysterious new town..."

"Anything else?"

"Still deciding whether I should make it a horror or a comedy. Besides that, it's all gonna rest on a foundation of romance between our main character, and, well..."

"Who?"

"I don't know! It's all I got so far!"

"Hey, it's not bad," Ted sipped his lemonade, "You know, I bet with enough time, it can become something really fucking great. I'd be invested if this was a movie or a staged production of sorts, I don't know,"

"Y-You think it's good, Mr. Spankoffski?"

"Oh hell yeah," He placed the glass down, "Not to be cheesy, but romance really gets me."

"Yeah, same."

"Have you considered making it some sort of horror-comedy romance? I would love it if you could pull it off."

[dogcopter]

Dogcopter Appearance Masterlist

thank you to resources SU Wiki Dogcopter and Dogcopter/Gallery, and Steven Says wiki transcript searcher

This is just a list of Dogcopter appearances in SU, not analysis. One or two may surprise you!

Dogcopter episode appearances

Lars and the Cool Kids

Lion 2

Some people say ‘You can't teach an old dog new tricks’... Unless you're Dogcopter 3, in 3D! This February, the fur hits the fan!

Steven: Whoah, I can see why this is your favorite film franchise. Connie: That's right! In a world where humanity is pushed to the brink, it turns out that the one who is most human, is a dog! Copter. Steven: and did you see where that missile came out of? Connie: Heh, yeah. I just hope it stays faithful to the book. 

Amethyst: Oh, that's easy! Who needs to go see movies when you’ve got magic?

Steven: I'm sorry! I ruined everything, didn't I? I don't know why you hang out with me. I mess stuff up all the time. Connie: I don't know why you hang out with me! I'm so much more less interesting than you! And obviously you have some sort of magical destiny. Why would you even care about something like Dogcopter? Steven: Why?! Because it's Dogcopter! He's a dog, and a helicopter, and a cop! He shoots missiles out of his butt, and he's gonna save the world! Dogcopter is very cool and important to me. Connie: Well, I'm no Dogcopter.

Keep Beach City Weird 

Dogcopter 3 SUX April 23, 2014

I saw Dogcopter 3 in 3D tonight and all I have to say is WOOF!  

First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.  Yes, the last book is over 900 pages, but there’s not enough story!  And the 3D was completely unnecessary.  If I wanted to see butt missiles flying at my face, I’d feed a dog some bottle rockets and put on a pair of safety goggles.

Dogcopter is supposed to be an uncompromising look at the military-industrial-pet complex, not “fun”!  Fun is the worst.

Also, if you live in the Delmarva area - do not see it at the Beach City Cineplex.  The parking lot is a mess!  Probably from a bunch of angry Dogcopter fans rioting.  Ugh, I’m going to see this 3 more times to make sure I hate it.

Tags: dogcopter 3 in 3D keep beach city weird kbcw

-

Lion 3

Dogcopter: I win. Steven: Oh, what? That was a good move! Dogcopter: Thanks. Steven: Dogcopter. How do you do it? Dogcopter: How do I do what? Steven: I mean, what's your secret? How'd you get so talented? Dogcopter: Don't focus so much on talent, Steven. Making art is all about communication. A piece of art is a conversation. Every choice you make, is a statement.

Continued under cut

Dogcopter: Don't worry about labels, or conforming to a standard. Just be true to yourself, and people will appreciate your honesty. Steven: Woah. Thanks for the advice. Dogcopter: And take a deep breath. Steven: What?

suworkbook wrote a brilliant piece of meta around this dream

Steven: Here again? I don't know what this place is but it feels... familiar. Why can't I breathe? Wait a minute... Lion! Lion, my face is not your bed! What's going on with you?

Chille Tid

Steven: Whoa. Dogcopter! Mr. Copter! Sir! I'm one of your biggest fans, can I please have your autograph? Dogcopter: (meows) Steven: Mr. Copter, please! Steven: Hey wait! Where are you going?! Steven: I hope the rumors about Dogcopter in the tabloids aren't true. Steven: Huh? Oh! Hey, Pearl! Steven: Wait! Don't eat me! Steven: Oh, man! Thanks for the upgrade, Pearl! Now I can catch up with Dog— Steven: Woah, Amethyst? Steven: Hmm... This is... getting really weird. Lapis: This is weird. Steven: Hey, that sounds a lot like— Lapis: Steven! Steven: Lapis Lazuli! Lapis: Steven, what are you doing in here?

Keep Beach City Weird

KEEP BEACH CITY SPOILER FREE January 04 2016

Hey weirdos!  For the past few months, I’ve done something unprecedented - I’ve stayed off the internet.

It was hard but I had to do because I’ve been trying to stay SPOILER FREE for the movie event of the new millennium!  This December was the revival of one of the most famous sci-fi franchises in the world.  Yep, you know what I’m talking about: DOGCOPTER.

So for three months, I sequestered myself from all internet communications.  I handed over my laptop and my phone to my little bro, Peedee, and ordered him to bury them in an undisclosed location in the deserts of New Mexico.

I think he just put them in the walk-in freezer at the fry shop.  

I won’t lie, it was hard.  But I calmed my nerves by reacquainting myself with the “Young Adult Conspiracy” section at my local library.  And instead of getting in arguments with internet trolls, I got in real life arguments!  With my dad!

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”  

Ug!  I hope you’ve seen the movie because that’s pretty much the big ending.  Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives.  Anyway, the movie was pretty much ruined.  So now I’m back.  Spoilers are the worst.

Tags: Keep Beach City Weird Dogcopter

-

Fun fact if you invert this poster and adjust the contrast a bit, some odd diagram in the back appears:

Steven’s Birthday

Amethyst: What are you doing? Steven: Well uh...What are YOU doing? Greg: What are YOU doing to your body? Amethyst: Woah, woah, woah, have you been stretching yourself out all day? Steven: No! I was just... slouching. Greg: Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you. Steven: Because, Dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy!? Amethyst: Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself. Steven: Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right? Greg: Steven...

Connie: That one's... "Canis helicopterus". Steven: Uh-uh, "Helicopterus"? Connie: Yeah, Dogcopter, get it? Now you make one up! Steven: Okay, um, That one's, uh, snake constellation. Connie: That's... pretty good. Are you okay? It looks like you're gonna throw up. Steven: Oh yeah, everything's fine!  Connie: Okay... that's good. You know, to be honest, I was a little worried before. This might sound silly, but I'm really glad that I'm going to get to grow up with you. Connie: ...Steven? Steven! What's going on? What happened? Connie: We were just talking then all of a sudden- Pearl: He turned back into a baby?! Connie: YES!

Keep Beach City Safe

DOGCOPTER 4: ALL DOGS GO TO WAR Jan 5 2016

Dogcopter 4 has finally been released! All Dogs Go to War!

I’ve been dying to see this movie for age, but I never had the time. I’ve been so busy with my blog and picking the perfect present for Steven. I’ve watched all the other Dogcopter Movies, but I haven’t had time to watch this one. But now I have a little free time to do something. After I watch it I won’t spoil it for the rest of you. I’m gonna be a Smart Spoiler and drop hints in my post for you guess. Only those who have watched it will notice the clues. Yep, watching it 9 times.

#Dogcopter 4 #Steven's Birthday Present #Dogcopter Movies #Smart Spoiler

Same Old World

Lapis: So, what does happen in Empire City? Steven: Well, let's see. If you lived here, you could get a cool apartment, and be a single Gem taking on the big city. You'll have a fun job at a local coffee shop and come home to a wacky roommate... Lapis: I have no idea what you're talking about. Steven: Awww.

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Steven: I'll take care of this! Kiki: Steven, be careful! Steven: Don't worry about me! Anything is possible when you have... rockets for bones! Kiki: Steven, that was so brave! Steven: Well, it's cheddar than nothing.

Steven: Oh, hey, Dogcopter. Dogcopter: (meows) Steven: See ya, dream Kiki! Kiki: Oh, okay. See you, dream Steven! Steven: Dream Steven!

Little Homeschool

Steven: Sadie's been touring with The Suspects, promoting their new album, and Connie has been getting a head start on college prep. She's two years away from applying, but she says it doesn't hurt to start early. Steven: And speaking of higher education, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and I have been cooking up a dream of our own! Cherry Quartz: I have no idea who you're talking about.

Snow Day

Amethyst: Guess what we've got lined up tonight. "Pupcopter's Sky-High Adventure"! Pearl: Sheet masks with cute animal faces! Garnet: And, most importantly, pizza. Steven: Uh, guys, I've been a vegetarian for, like, a month, and "Pupcopter" is for 6-year-olds, and I have my own skin care routine. Anyways, it's cool. I already ate.  Amethyst: Oh well. We'll just watch the movie with Cat Steven. Garnet: My bad. I was sure we were in the pepperoni timeline.

In Dreams

Dogcopter: (flies away) Stefan: Noooo!

Together Forever

Lion: (roars) Connie: Huh? Steven: Hey, Connie! How you doin'? Connie: Steven? What are you doing here? Steven: You're gonna have a fifteen-minute break in...two minutes, right? Connie: Whoa! Spot on. Steven: Connie, let's go for a walk. I'm sure you could use some fresh air. Connie: I would love to! But um... Steven: No, no, no! Don't worry! We'll go with Lion, and I promise you'll be back in fifteen minutes! Connie: Okay! Let's do this!

Growing Pains

Drew: I know you're eager to chase the mail truck, Dogcopter. But the mail truck is a decoy. Good boys chase the blue car. Be a good boy, Dogcopter. Drew: Nice work, DC! Now get the bomb off the bridge! We're almost out of time! Drew: Dogcopter! No! Drew: Dogcopter, I can't lose you. Drew: Is this... what I think it is?

Announcer: Dogcopter 6: Till Death Do We Bark: I Now Pronounce You Man And Woof! Steven: Everyone's getting married but me! Ugh! I feel like poop.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

So! It’s time for me to finally watch Avatar: The Last Airbender. I’m only a decade late or so, which I suppose could be worse. 

Actually, I just checked, and it apparently came out in 2005-2008, so it’s technically as old as Supernatural. The more you know.

(Wait, what.)

In case you are interested in stupid ramblings, or just love the show so much you’re willing to consume the stupidest content about it, I am planning on making a commentary of my watching, although I promise nothing interesting or funny. I’ll use the tag “marghe watches atla”.

I only have fifteen years’ worth of spoilers, but simultaneously know very little about what actually happens in it. Or, better, I know a lot of things that happen in it but I have no idea how they relate to each other. Okay. Time to figure it out.

Fun fact: I made a “and then the fire nation attacked” meme once for a mini online Gishwhes Misha organized on tumblr once. I found it! I think the item called for something about shipping wars...?

It’s not actually funny, alright, but it’s sort of accurate in regards of Amazon’s company policies, I guess.

Alright, the actual show now.

Water is associated to goodness, earth to strength, fire to violence and air to harmony. Still a better classification than brave-smart-racist-and-soft.

For some reason I never realized the opening monologue was narrated by Katara. I imagined it to be some outside-narrating voice. Admittedly it doesn’t change anything. Unless it’s relevant that she is the narrator of the story.

I also pronounced Katara with the accent on the first a in my head. Now it sounds like they’re saying it wrong. Oops.

It’s interesting that he calls her waterbending powers weird, I assumed that those kinds of powers were pretty common or at least normal in the ATLA universe. But I guess that he’s probably just jealous he doesn’t have them and acts like they’re weird but no one else actually thinks that. Or maybe they do and waterbenders are considered freaks. I suppose I can just shut up and watch the show and see what follows.

If she can control water why is he paddling the boat? That’s how you get your boat smashed. No offense.

He also asks the same question. Then makes a sexist comment, which isn’t cool and sets the basis for Character Development(TM). She calls him out on it, gets rightfully pissed for being placed in the position of the Mom Of The Family When The Mom Is Dead, and accidentally breaks an iceberg. Don’t you hate when that happens.

From the 0.1 seconds of screentime I’ve watched so far, what I can tell is that basically she’s Dean Winchester if Dean Winchester was the one with magical powers. But also he’s Dean Winchester if Dean Winchester wasn’t the parentified one. *Oprah voice* You’re Dean Winchester! You’re Dean Winchester! Everyone is Dean Winchester! Admittedly, Dean Winchester contains multitudes.

Katara’s first instinct when seeing a weird glowing boy sitting inside an iceberg is to smash the iceberg down immediately to get the glowing boy out. I mean, understandable, but also not really. A Winchester-style thing, admittedly.

The design of those weird canid-feline seal-walruses is great.

The Fire Nation has steam ships which is super funny to me. Enters Dean Winchester Number 3. We’ve had 3 speaking characters so far. Mmm. Maybe it’s me.

I’m sorry, I’ve seen too many memes, I can’t take any of the Zuko scenes seriously.

Appa is adorable. Now imagine Supernatural but instead of the Impala they travel via weird flying six-legged platypus-bison or whatever it is. And now I’ve automatically made Aang into Dean Winchester Number 4 because he loves the car. It’s definitely me.

The village is adorable. Everyone is adorable actually.

I LOVE THE PENGUINS somebody give whoever designed the animals in this thing an award.

Aww you can ride the penguins like a sled. Amazing. Galaxy brain.

“I haven’t done this since I was a kid” “You still are a kid” paired with Sokka trying to train children as soldiers is a little moment but I suppose we’re gonna get our heart broken by how they had to grow up too fast...

Now imagine Aang finds out he spent a hundred years trapped in ice but it’s Nick Fury that breaks the news to him.

Whoops. They serve Aang’s location to Zuko on a silver platter aaand episode over.

Anyway. So the answer to my previous questions is that Katara is the only waterbender in the south pole and no one can teach her how to actually use her powers, so she’s not really good at it. Contrast to Zuko who has a proper teacher and soldiers he can spar with. I also like how the episode opens with the siblings’ little boat that crashes in the ice, and closes on a war ship crashed in the ice; both lead to the Avatar, but in very different ways.

Well, this was super cute and I want to see more. Great design.

[frocio]

what's the five hours long speech about why you hate rwby king

ok so I guess I should tackle these. before reading know that there’s going to be spoilers up until forum 4 to 5 I guess? don’t remember where I got while watching the show.

while I think that hbomberguy’s video covers a really great chunk of the issues I have with RWBY, he specifically states he made all his analysis about volumes 1-3, and I’ve had the misfortune to watch a bit more after that (I think about until half volume 5? legit don’t remember)

the parts I don’t see the need to focus on, because hbomberguy already mentioned them in his incredibly detailed video, that truly make me despise RWBY, are the following:

1. the whole taking a story about four female characters and making it all about the male sidekicks, often the author’s self inserts;

2. the fact that the writers of RWBY really want to drive home the fact that they’re attracted to their SEVENTEEN TO FIFTEEN years old characters, while being grown men, describing them as their ideal women, and calling them pretty, hot and attractive literally all the fucking time;

3. making their main antagonists an oppressed race that’s oppressed because they’re half-animals (because you know. minorities are animals. that’s always a good metaphor /s) so they can say it’s a commetary about race until it isn’t;

4. the show being generally bad about timing, exposition, animation, dubbing, character establishing and development, worldbuilding, and all the problems deriving from what should be the BASE of showrunning.

so let’s pretend I’ve copied word for word everything hbomberguy already said about this all and let’s jump to what i personally ALSO despise about RWBY!

5. disrespect for abuse victims: as cited in the video as well, at some point you find out Weiss has lived all her life with an abusive father. Yang Xiao Long loses her arm while figthing against Adam, leader of the White Fang. Both Yang and Ruby have lost their mother - Yang was abandoned by her biological mother, then adopter by Ruby’s mom, who died in combat I think? Jaune, bad characterization aside, is implied to have PTSD after Phyrra’s death because he feels guilty about it or something. Canonically, Yang has PTSD as well. RWBY is not afraid to touch on heavy subjects, so:

How does the show deal with that?

Every time Weiss has a conflict, a man tells her to fuck off (a teacher, her brother, her own dad, Ruby’s uncle, Ozpin, I can go on!) just because “she’s the annoying one” and we should take that as a joke. I can sorta get it, even if I don’t like it. But there’s also a time where she gets slapped in her face by her own sister for no real reason just because she disagrees with her, and three seconds later they hug it out like it’s nothing. It’s framed as if Weiss should be grateful to most of these people (everyone but her brother and dad, really, because they were depicted as villains) for belittling and even hitting her, because they’re doing her a favor. Aren’t you glad your sister slapped some sense into you? Now you can use your powers better!

When Yang is depressed because she has become an amputee and needs to recover from losing an arm, her dad tells her, and I’m not joking, something along the lines of her deserving to lose an arm because she can’t get over it. And Yang somehow laughs at this “supposed joke” and suddenly she doesn’t have PTSD anymore? ok???

Jaune gets some armor frym Phyrra (how? she vanished in thin air. armor and all) and fuses it into his sword. BAM now he’s not as depressed?

6. how much trauma is too much trauma?

this is probably subjective, and it ties heavily with the point above, but I just want to point out a few details.

Yang and Ruby both lost their mother(s). Phyrra was chosen to sacrifice herself to save the world, and then died anyway a tragic death for no reason by getting shot in the heart. Penny was cut to pieces in front of a worldwide audience. Yang also got her arm cut. Blake, victim of an abusive relationship in the past, gets stabbed and beheaded (it’s almost immediately revealed it’s a clone of hers, but you still see her head get cut off) by her ex boyfriend. Weiss is slapped at least twice onscreen, it’s mentioned how she’s been abused her entire life. VELVET IS VICTIM OF THE RWBY EQUIVALENT OF A HATE CRIME AND IT’S PLAYED OFF FOR LAFFS??

And then.........one guy gets shot in the leg once, but not really shot because his legs are prosthetics so he’s just pretending to be hurt? and that’s the worse you’ll see happen to a guy onscreen while 17 years old girls keep getting THAT treatment? Not really into that.

7. is it still queerbaiting if it’s 2020?

Maybe this point is outdated, but let me take this out. Let me free myself from this burden. RT has milked the shit out of Bumblebee as a ship as long as they could (and maybe they’re still doing it! I have no clue if they’re canon or not and I really don’t care! Don’t tell me if they are! I don’t want to find out! I’d rather die than know!) to keep the attentions of lgbt fans because let’s be real, nothing else in the show is good enough. When Bumblebee came out as a soundtrack, I listened to it for days. I think it’s the height of their queerbaiting strategies for the time. Truly a masterpiece.

8. Vic Mignogna 

Because of course I’m going there!

Vic Mignogna has been accused for about a decade now of sexual assault, harassment, and even pedophilia. Oldest charges go back to 2008, and are not exactly hard to find. RT has since cut contacts with him, but had him for over two seasons and only kicked him out when shit really started to hit the fan and tweets became viral about him (1, 2, 3). Glad that they kicked him out, don’t get me wrong, but he shoulnd’t have been there in the first place.

epilogue:

I’m sure I could talk about more stuff, like the fact that the minorities in the show are mostly white and treated like villains, and it’s okay to kill them because “they’re rude about being oppressed” or whatever, or how there was a picture circulating a few years ago of one of the guys from RT having a fucking magnet on his fridge with the t slur on it (don’t have receipts for it, and I wouldn’t even know how to search, so it’s not included in the list above), or how I got queerbaited for two years from RWBY and that’s why I’m so pissed at it, but really just. Watch hbombersguy’s video about it. He tackles most of the issues and, just like me, didn’t bother checking out this flaming pile of garbage more than I already did.

but the songs are still bangers

[elizaeden]

SGE Q&A

My answers for School for Good and Evil Q&A <3 MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!

~ 1 ~ How did you discover the series/when did you read it for the first time?

I discover the first book in my library in middle school (in Poland it means I was like fourteen-fifteen years old) and I really liked the picture and the art of the two castles. I know you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover but in this case it lead me to a really wonderful story.

~ 2 ~ Which book is your favourite and why?

A couple of days ago I made a post where I rank them so I’m just gonna say it’s The Last Ever After and the “why” is already answered <3 

~ 3 ~ Which book is your least favourite and why?

Unfortunately, it’s The One True King. I think it’s the fault of my own expectations.

~ 4 ~ Who is your favourite character?

Sophie of Woods Beyond :D I think it’s funny because in real life she’s the epitome of everything I despise in people - like vanity, jealousy, malicioussness and all that. But it’s just something about her that made her irresistible in the books, I love her parts, she always put a smile on my face and the series would be nothing without her (my opinion!)

~ 5 ~ Who is your least favourite character?

It’s hard to say - I don’t have a character I would really want out of the series, because everyone is important in his own way, but I guess it could be Japeth, because he’s a piece of shit and killed many of great characters, The Rulers of The Kingdoms (most of them), because they disappointed me in how easy they were to manipulate and Aric, because reasons.

~ 6 ~ What is your favourite and least favourite ship?

Oh no, I have to admit something bad. My favourite ship is Rafal/Sophie XD I know it’s toxic, I really do. And I don’t think Rafal should win, because my heart would be broken if something happens to Aggie. Just Sophie and Rafal have such a dramatic, messy vibe. The School Master and the Queen of Evil, like honestly (but I preferred him when he was a mysterious sorcerer and not a grumpy teenage boy). My least favourite ship will be Hophie and it’s not like I have something against it, I just didn’t like how it was made in the last book. And Jaric. Because I don’t like them both so why should I like them together?

~ 7 ~ Are you a Never or an Ever?

I got the test on Soman’s site and it said I’m an Ever <3 And I agree. I don’t think I’m a good material for princess and stuff, but I’d like to be a good human being and learn how to be an everyday hero. (like, honestly, I’m studying nursing)

~ 8 ~ Which lesson in your School would be your favourite and which you’d probably hate?

When it comes to first year, I think my favourite would be History and Good Deeds, and least favourite Beautification, because my style is something between grunge and punk and I don’t think Emma Anemone would approve ;) 

~ 9 ~ Who is your favourite teacher?

August Sader, he fascinates me with his wisdom and mysterious attitude.

~ 10 ~ What is your favourite fairytale?

Merida The Brave and Moana, and when it comes to more traditional ones I think Red Riding Hood and maybe Cinderella.

~ 11 ~ Which character you’re most identifying with?

Oh my, it’s a hard question to answer, but I guess I kinda identify with late Beatrix. Like, not the pinkish princess from book one and not the bald ultra fighter from book two but the Beatrix from The Camelot Years trilogy - the independent, powerful girl who knows what she wants and is not afraid to reach for it but at the same time has a soft heart. (Bettina was similar too and she had another trace of mine - she was doing her thing regardless of every obstacle)

~ 12 ~ If you could bring one character back from the dead - which one it’d be?

The School Master. And for real it’s hard to choose just one but I guess Lady Lesso. We so need her power and calm and glorious, elegant evilness.

~ 13 ~ The part that made you cry?

The death of Lady Lesso and the death of professor Dovey. Also the last chapter of book six, just because of sentiment and the fact it was the actual end. 

~ 14 ~ The part that made you the angriest?

The Kingdom Council destroying their rings. I wanted to literally threw them all out the window.

~ 15 ~ Is there a character you wish had a different ending? Why?

Sophie. Like I’ve nothing against Hort and I’d want Hort to be happy too, he deserves it, but I didn’t like the fact she threw all of her previous dreams, dumped her Dean position and like literally forget about her “happy on my own” agenda which I really liked. Oh, and also Nicola. I expected her to have a greater role after The Ever Never Handbook. 

~ 16 ~ What do you think the Wish Fish would show you?

Me in a white coat and a stetoscope around my neck :) 

~ 17 ~ The Snow Ball or the No-Ball?

I might be an Ever, but I must give it to Sophie that No-Ball seems much cooler XD

~ 18 ~ What would be your Circus of Talents show?

I’m so not sure. I like to dance and sing but I’m not doing it with any grace, my main hobby is writing but it’s not show-able, so I think I’d give a heated rant about human rights and equality or something. Maybe at least Dovey would be proud. 

~ 19 ~ If you had to become a mogriff, what animal/plant would you be?

I’d love to be a bird - maybe a hawk. Because flying and stuff. 

~ 20 ~ Readers or Descendants?

Readers :) 

~ 21 ~ What is your favourite place/kingdom in The Endless Woods?

It may sounds main-stream but my favourite place in the Woods is The School for Good and Evil <3