#i cant believe i typed this all up hahaHA

[yoshirage]

Body swap diaries: PETER’s CYOC

After months of training and studying, I stood there proudly with fellow agents and superiors in the lower levels of Area 51 awaiting for my first mission as a full fledge secret service agent. It was a grueling time to the point that out of 50 candidates, only 3 of us actually made it.

We hear a gruff raspy voice from the intercom. “Welcome new agents and congratulations. You all are now officially part of the secret service which; as you all know, deals with more covert missions regarding this country. So please meet up with your superiors to discuss your first mission.”

All of the agents dispersed and so did I, and made it to Mr. Carlson’s office. I open the door and see a half naked man with curly hair frantically trying to put his clothes on.

“Ahh dammit looks like i forgot to close that damn door again. Lock it for me will you Peter.” I locked the door behind and sat at one of the office chairs trying not to look and stare at my supervisor’s body. “Hahaha come on now Peter, don’t be so shy. This isn’t the first you’ve seen me in another body.” He was right, but the usual bodies he’s in are the bigger hairy daddy types.

“So i guess you took my advice huh”

“ yeah. Went with someone younger and chose this guy named Jon to take for my time off. Gotta say its a different feeling.” He flexes his arms.

“You look great sir”

“Hahaha thanks Peter. Now since you were the highest achieving agent we have, i decided to assign you as a personal guard for a past president. As may know, any two term US president that finishes their service gets assigned a lifetime agent to help with safety and security, and they are also enrolled with the ‘reincarnation program’ which…

“Gives the ex president and their partner, a choice to have their consciousness transferred to another person’s body.”

“Very good Peter!” He claps his hands “now of course they can opt out of it if they choose to, but we at least wanna give them a taste of it and see if its for them.”

“Isnt it too early for Mr Obama to be in this program?”

“Yes you’re right which is why I’m assigning you to George W bush.”

“Wait isnt there someone already assigned to Mr. Bush?”

“There was, but we are reassigning Gary to a much more… lets just covert mission.” I just nod my head knowing exactly what he means.

“Now Mr Bush has been living in his current body Bruno for almost a year in Brazil.”

“How about the real Bruno.”

“He’s living life as Mr. Bush. We programmed him to practically BE George Bush… memories and all” i nod my head. “ now Mr Bush has been alerted of the change in staff but I would like you to travel to Brazil and introduce yourself”

“No problem sir. Will do”

“I also gave the guys at the lab the Ok to swap you with someone else for this mission, of course you don’t have to.”

I thought about it for a short while and decided to swap. “ Thank you sir. I will go right now.”

“Sounds good. Here is a catalog of the guys that are available.”

I look over it and saw Jon’s body with the amount of $10,000 right by his name. “Damn! I cant believe this kid is getting paid $10,000 to swap bodies with an agent” i thought to myself.

“now if you’ll excuse me. I think its officially time for me to start my Time off.”

“Have fun sir and Ill see you when you get back.”

I leave his office and made my way towards the all the while looking at the catalog.

“Hey Peter!” I waved at Vinh “ Mr Carlson told me all about your mission. So have you thought about which body you want.”

I looked over the catalog one last time…. “This one” I said

(Which of these guys should Peter switch with. From top to bottom: Joey, Christian, Larry, Leon).

[hatgame]

just wanted to say before i ask, i really like both of ur blogs (text and art) and i rly like the way u analyze snatcher!!! ur very well spoken and it piqued my interest

🔥 on dadtcher aus/headcanons

Thank you, you're very sweet :) im assuming you mean snatcher&hatkid type stuff!

Personally, I never liked it, kind of because I disagree with the current iteration of the family institution, and cannot sever that when engaging in fandom musings. A parental role as I've encountered it implies absurd amounts of control over the child, and im not invested enough in parenthood to write it into stuff that doesnt intially seems to function fine without it.. So its just weird adult friend snakar for me. Ive heard of them put in an older sibling or uncle role but I dont really know what that entails and as such cant opine. A friend of mine reads snatcher as much more maternal than paternal & despite what i just wrote i Can apreciate it.. so its really probably about the patriarchy of it all.

I did use to draw dadtcher years ago to fit in but that's about as far as it went.. I still think it's a little funny for 'Look at him at his worst.. Now look at him raise a child' seemingly simultaneously to be in any regard 'fluff', not in that child nurturing cannot be a healing experience, it's just that I get stressed out thinking about everything that she can do wrong... and everything 2019-2020 works featuring it used to do wrong hahaha

(As for fanon opinions,) it doesn't seem to be a common portrayal nowadays, probably as a consequence of 'sniscourse', which I was actually very present for as an observer.. In fact, i dont believe the few posts that actually could be deemed its beginning ever got any traction at all, it was somebody commenting, not-maintagged, that the common dadtcher stuff mirrored their real life abuse. I bring this up because at the time seeing that actually snapped my own discomfort with it into words. Then a mutual of theirs repeated their points, but I dont remember how it snowballed into being about the amount of notes nonsubcon posts got... So that context makes any venting about it 'splitting the community' really odd... because as much as i dont know if homogenizing and critiquing fandom is really productive I certainly did agree with said critiques lololol. I dont really care about the notes/interaction thing But It Does get a chuckle out of me that I draw subcon near exclusively and get barely any fandom inflicted votes. I KNOW IM AN OUTLIER I KNOW I KNOOOWWWW But... teehees. Thank u A LOT for the ask Very Much

[sleepyhoon]

omfg i used to be all up on ur acc when u were still new and i feel so proud of u cos i remember when u first posted ur enha textfics it would crack me up sm and i checked ur blog and i couldnt find more back then bc u were still fresh from the womb and i wanted to read so many more 💔💔💔and then i would keep gojng back and scrolling in ur blog bc u didnt have a masterlist yet so i turned ur notifs on to check if u posted a new textfic each time hahaha and i would keep bugging u hopefully politely and asked u for a masterlist for easier navigation in ur blog 😭😭 i cant believe its already been a year!!! and then when u posted more i would binge them and end up lowkey spamming u and i would unlike some of those posts bc i got scared that u would block me bc of my unintentional spams 😭😭😭 but i'm so proud that you have come all this way 🤭😋 you even post full fics now wow!!! I LOVE YOUR WRITING SM MANNNNN!!!!!

if i'm not mistaken, you're from america right? how is tiktok for you and what would you do about all your edits saved on there 😔

-- i've also noticed that you and intromortal were pretty close right? if it's okay to ask this (of course, just ignore this if not! <3), have they been doing well and are they alright because why are they suddenly gone? :( i wasn't updated on tumblr for weeks and i came back to find multiple of the lovely enha writers i've become familiar with have deactivated 😔💔 i found out a few days ago that they deactivated and that made me quite sad because her works were such fun reads ☹️

have a lovely day sleepyhoon <3 can't wait to see another part to your heeseung emo fic 😘

ps you have one of the best humor in the enha writing world platform 😭 seriously ur humor is just on another level and i personally think it's the best and it really is the type of humor i love the most. in my book you're the funniest person to me on here pls actually never leave </33

okayyyyy now why am i lowkey about to cry over this .

YOUVE BEEN HERE SINCE SLEEPYHOON NATION WAS FOUNDED THIS IS SO 😭😭😭 i gen cannot believe it’s been a year since i made my silly little text fics and OMG the amount of asks id get telling me to make a masterlist 😭 idk why i didn’t just make one from the start LOL but thank u for being patient with me also wdym u turned on my notifs and would wait for me to post this is so … pls don’t make me cry rn . thank u so much for sticking around and im so relieved and honored u enjoy my fics bc i was soooo worried when i started writing them but im so happy i did bc i loveeee writing for enha :,) and thank u for being proud of me 🥹🥹🥹 UR SO SWEET I CSNT TAKE IT ANYMOREEEE

and yes i am from america 🦅 that whole tiktok situation pissed me of soooo bad. i had saved my fave edits before the ban happened but the ban didn’t even last a full day so like 😭 IMO it felt like a stunt just to make us like trump and i’m not falling for it lol. but i would’ve been mad as hell if tiktok was gone fr but who knows maybe i’d be more productive without it bc it did take up most of my screen time LOL

and my intromortal!! my wife we speak everyday, here is a message from her! you can find her on @yangkkomi now !!

i hope you have a lovely day and i’m glad you’re looking forward to tethered pt 3 🩷🩷 thank u so much for the kind message <3

ps. i love u so much do u know that. did u know that compliments abt my humor go straight to my heart. did u know ur tugging on my heartstrings. ily.

[miniwritesrefs]

2024 Book List

Books read: Approx. 14+ (some books missing from this list)

Trials of Apollo [1] - Rick Riordan

I was a Percy Jackson kid in the late stages of high school, I jumped on the train late, and never finished. Trials of Apollo made me want to read them again--especially because of references that I just did not fully understand as it called back to other books XD Apollo is the character of all time though, love to see this man now boy go through it. If anyone had to be humbled, I'm glad it was him so he could become a good dad in the future and possibly pass that on to the other gods (x to doubt).

Some Faraway Place [Audio Book] - Lauren Shippen

I'm still a Rose un-enjoyer, but the book itself was incredibly enjoyable. It fed my Damien Enjoyer cravings, and Rose's story in and of itself is interesting, between her family and relationships, but I just... don't vibe with her. It's okay to not like people, she's one of them, I don't hate her. Gave me intense inspo for a TBS game.

Jackaby [Audio Book] - William Ritter

Jackaby was an incredibly interesting book. While I can't put this one into words, it was highly enjoyable, and the narration was top notch! Supernatural, and banshees, and werewolves oh my. A funky little Sherlock Holmes type.

The Cure for Burnout [Ironically Unfinished] - Emily Ballestros

Hahaha.

Garlic and the Vampire [Graphic Novel] - Bree PaulsenGarlic and the Witch [Graphic Novel] - Bree Paulsen

Garlic is such a little baby, I love Bree Paulsen's graphic work, and that's all there is to say on the matter.

Into the Pit [Unfinished] - Scott Cawthon

LBR I just read it for the one story. Will try to finish the others another time.

Indebted to the Vampires [1] - Erin Bedford

UH. So it's host club fanfic with ocs, but bad host club fanfic. Also a little smutty, but just a little clunky. 

Wicked Appetite [Audio Book] - Janet Evanovich

It had an okay concept! The narration made it extra hard, and I hated Dissel's personality. The gluttony charms (gluttonoids??) had awful effects, and sure it made sense but I didn't like them dfdgh. A one off read.

Bride [Unfinished] - by Ali Hazelwood

LMAO I, couldn't do it. They named the girl Misery and- Despite this books placement on the page, I'm pretty sure I bought this book in January and just couldn't get through it. And then I read the content warnings on the website at the end of the year and I cant believe they just had this one sitting in the front of Target like a prize...

The Hunger Games [Book and Audio Book interchangably]

This book was better than I remember and yet more emotional (for me) than I remember. Just getting through that first iconic scene of Katniss volunteering for Prim made me teary and emotional. The way they all banded together the moment she did, a silent act of solidarity. That in itself felt like the true first moment of rebellion in a way. It's terrible to think of, kids so young, going into an arena knowing they're bound to die. And the twist of them being told they could both live, only to have it snatched away--if it were Cato and Glimmer(?), there would have been no hesitation, only Katniss could come up with a stunt like that. The worldbuilding was great, and I know we see more of it in the next book, I just have to... get to it. I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE DOG PART, AND I'M STILL MAD ABOUT IT, WTF--Truly I must have blocked that part out. That was so rude dfghgj

Aisle Nine [Audio Book] - Ian X Cho

Black Friday apocalypse? Yeah. Post apocalyptic apocalyptic setting where the main characters are older teens working retail. The plot twist was interesting, the side characters were goofy (in a good way). A tale about hope in hopelessness, with a bit of that YA romance aspect sprinkled in. Wasn't *unbearable*, but end game was always apparent. I kept forgetting the MC's name throughout the story wheeeze (Sorry Casper- oop I mean Jasper). 

The Week Before [Dubiously Finished] - Scott Cawthon

Choose your own adventure of Ralph! Phone Guy gets a name! Phone Guy has a daughter,,, yeesh, poor guy. Fnaf's biggest fan and they did him dirty like this, can't believe.

Books I'm looking forward to finishing:

The Cinnamon Bun Book Store - Laurie Gilmore

Reflected Light - F.Nevarez

[collegetennisoriginstory]

OK. UM. first of all, hiiii! <3 ok lemme just gush a lil bit:

1. I LOVE UR FIC OHMYGOD HOLY SHIIIIIIIT

2. god, i don't even have the slightest idea of how tennis works, but this is just so????? like?????? you know. and i kinda get how the play goes?? YOU'RE AN AMAZING WRITER GOSH.

3. i actually remembered most of the characters?? considering there's a lot of em, this is practically a miracle. again, you're goddamn amazing. i dont know how. maybe the pace is great, but definitely THE CHARAS ALL HAVE PERSONALITY/DEPTH??? like, i actually even remembered the side charas!!! mike, thalia, diego, felix, that cool ass girl in that shooting game, etc. umh just perfecto.

4. THE TENNIS MATCHES ALL FEEL SO SATISFYING!!! <3333333 omg. i feel like WUOOOOOH u know. i feel so cool playing a cool talented mc omg im loving it (i play a i-win-everything type of mc becuz im a perfectionist with a fear of failure) the matches me on edge in my seat oh gosh <3 and when u win it somehow just go WOOOOOOOH again!!! AAAAAA<3

5. aw, and of course, my beloved rivals to lovers rayyan <3333 *sigh* the slowburn.... (hes actually my first & only one. i go: ohhh tension!?!? and make a run for it. um, if it's ok to ask, is there a lot of content in the romance area as of now or in the future? like, replayability in terms of romance? im sorry if this is rude, i didnt mean to, i suck at words & i wont ask that again.)

6. FOUND FAMILY YAY! FOUND FAMILY YAY! <33333 (we genuinely lack those in the if community pls.) soulmates w/ sam. ride or die diego. very reluctant ride or die G (imma be honest, his name is just so hard so my head for some reason just go Guacamole 😭). aww tobin u very big cinammon roll ill protect u. shenanigans. & others too many to name honestly.

7. help this is just so good i had to force myself to sleep at 3am for a 7am lecture and i sat in the front rows and i put my head on the table and the fricking professor called me out ohmygod- BUT IT WAS WORTH IT GODDAMN!! ILL DO IT AGAIN IF I HAVE TO! HA! i cant wait for the next update- i'm gonna have this fic in my head for the next week oh pls noooooo. (no pressure tho. u do u author! take ur time!!! ill be here to support u, whoo!)

8.ALL IN ALL, I LOVE IT I LOVE THIS I LOVE EVERYONE I LOVE YOU AUTHOR *runs over & hug you w/ consent* <333333333333

ok. um. that's not it but if i continue it's literally gonna be an essay so i'll stop.

author. i will die for this fic. ahaahahahah. if i may ask, what's ur fav IFs? (i really, really love this one so im kinda hoping maybe u have similar taste in IFs eheh. again, im sorry if this comes as rude or insensitive.) oh uh & if my long rambles bother u, i won't send it again sorry.

<333 okok. take care of urself, dont forget to eat healthy, drink water & good sleep. have a nice day :D

Wait. I think I might have missed replying to this I am so sorry!!! It gave me so so much joy. Maybe I subconsciously did not want it to leave my inbox haha.

1. And 2 -> THANK YOU!

3. Gosh this is such a great thing to hear. There are a looot of characters, and I definitely worry sometimes that it gets to be too much, but I think the IF is getting long enough for me to give enough-ish screentime to each character... though it takes me a while to cycle back to different side characters. I cant believe you remembered the cool ass girl in laser tag! :)

4. AWESOME to hear! 🥰

5. Yup, being a character driven IF, there will be a lot of romance (or friendship) beats / moments in the IF (which is already true now). The next couple of chapters will follow the same mix of sports, school and romance / hanging out, so you should already have a sense of how much romance there'll be (it'll just keep unfolding / developing for each of the RO routes!)

6. Hehe found family is my fave trope to insert in stories as well.

7. Hahaha aww oh no fictional college life is catching up to your real college life!!

8. HUG YOU BACK (with consent)!!🤗🤗

[mothtarts]

Just wanted to say that you are so real over your post about Cleo and Pearl and their weird ass homo relationship. Their relationship is just weird. I mean that in a good, kind of makes me insane type of way when I look at it from a narrative perspective

Okay. You. Walk with me, walk with me. I truly believe that if we rank duos and groups and yadda yadda based on popularity, Cleo and Pearl’s dynamic is one that is not talked about enough and is definitely underrated. Thats my genuine opinion

I enjoy the angst between Scott and Pearl in DL as much as the next person but I wish theres more discussion and just insane blabbering posts [like me right now] talking about Cleo and Pearl’s dynamic

Cleo became a part of Scott and Pearl’s group in LL, forming the 3Gs. Theyve established a bond, through the heist, the trust that Pearl showed to her fellow teammates to inform them of the rigged boogie [HA] dance room. Pearl is a very loyal person, all of the three are

And it’s this bond, this loyalty and joy over their previous group that Pearl got so excited over possibly teaming up with both Scott and Cleo after turning Martyn away, only to be shocked and hurt over Gatekeep and Gaslight refusing to let Girlboss join. The break up of the 3Gs, the birth of Divorce Duo and the beginning emergence of Scarlet Pearl

Thats something I dont see much acknowledged as well or like you know, be insane over. That while yes, Scott rejected and refused to team up with the person he is soulbounded with, may it be because of pride or just continuously being petty or both. The hurt cut deeper with how Cleo went along with it

The loyalty between Scott and Cleo and their shared disregard and rejection of Pearl are the first thorns to dig within her heart

And it just makes me think. Does Cleo get haunted with the fact that she had a hand in Pearl’s insanity? Do silent apologies in her mind play whenever she is around Pearl, never to be said and the words that do come out only cuts Pearl deeper with how sharp her tongue is? Does Cleo’s heart feel? Does is it ache as they watched Scott wince and grimace and complain over the pain in his shoulders?

[these are just things I think over the headcanons I have, basically feeling each other’s pain not only with the game’s mechanic but in a story sense that even just little things like getting a papercut, accidentally burning yourself while cooking and your soulbond feeling that pain. In this case, I’m referring to my headcanon that Pearl doesnt mind the bite of the snow but it gets to her that shes alone in her tower, in her lonesome with no one to fall back on. Having Tilly helps but only for so long before she cant stand it anymore. So sometimes she cant help but hug herself, try to bring herself comfort but unknowingly digs her nails in through her hoodie, there is pain in her jaw being clenched so tight in an attempt to not let herself be wrecked with sobs only for her to struggle to breathe through her nose because the ball in her throat is making it clogged with the effort shes trying to exert to just not break down from not only losing one friend but two]

So yes does Cleo wonder? Do they think about Pearl alone in her tower? Does she know Pearl does this? No she doesnt. They think that Pearl is probably doing something else that makes Scott also hurt and not get a good night’s sleep. Hahaha you know just thoughts to bring up the angst more

Welp. Anyways this was a lot. I can honestly go on and on about the dynamic and angst and feels between them but I feel embarrassed with how much I already typed. Apologies that you have to be the unfortunate soul to receive this ramble of mine [I’m actually just a lurker and dont really post anything but here have a smidge of my thoughts]

OMGGG FUXK YEA WOAOWOWKWKWKJWWINQOOOOOO WOOOOOOOO YEAA

but like on a more serious note woa anon you fucking put it into words perfectly

a huggeee reason i love the dynamic of this season is because pearl has specifically been targeting cleo, no she is out for blood and it’s so fun. the fact that cleo burns her dog pack, the same kind of pack she had in dl makes me go crazy.

cleo remembers scarlet pearl vividly, more than anyone else since (from what i remember) she got murdured by pearl. she probably got triggered by the dog pack and acted in pure instinct. pearl doesn’t know that tho, she took that personally.

the person that encouraged her soulmate to never trust her again, who made her alone and vulnerable, now coming back to destroy the one lifeline she has in this series??? it’s perfect

cleo has watched pearl through her worst, seen her through her most wretched and evil moments and came out of it stronger, while pearl became a husk of her former self, now longing for the day she becomes a red life and can snap and wreck havoc again.

it’s also not lost on me that cleo has a huge ducking chance of winning, and she’ll prob fight pearl at some point since shell wanna get revenge

[castlebyersafterdark]

you are never too sappy! (congrats btw! + big love to the mike to your will... i see that blue heart and height difference mention 😉) the balance works so well so far. like a little glimmer of you. especially as its always relevant through a byler prism, so youre not making it all about you at all. i cant believe how cosy it is here. i genuinely await your writing like i would a new published novel hahaa. i also was going through my likes and saw an anon post on spicybylerpolls from february. it mentioned the sears catalogue and byler's fantasies and i had adored it at the time. rereading now, i'm like... VINNY?!?!? hahaha maybe it's not you but it's textbook and the style of writing and openminded humbleness felt very you. love.

especially love the self-acceptance journey you seem to be on here, allowing yourself nerdery, allowing yourself spice in byler forums, keeping a healthy eye on your online habits! + growing to love yourself more through will perhaps, keeping up with your writing, learning you kind of love cringe roleplay sex in fic?!?!? hehehehehe and also realisations that you may or may not want to share! its all gold dust - and honestly, this feels like blogs as i knew them growing up, like wordpress, blogspot, etc. proper old blogs where it's just right mix of artistic and personal.

x

Thanks, I feel so happy being here, everyone is so sweet 😘 Saving the dash from my personal rambles:

I didn't want to ruin it by changing things up too much. But, I do kinda want to talk about whatever here and post the occasional non-Byler stuff, still mostly the normal fandoming and spicy posting like I've been doing. Keeping the chill vibes. This does feel very much like a different type of blogging than I'm used to. It's cool. Even if people get sick of me or lose interest, I'll pretend that's not the case hahaha. Corny as hell, but it feels safe here.

Incredibly flattered that you look forward to my writing! I've always wrote fic and original pieces and scripts and loved it but had zero confidence. Did it anyway. I still have a lot of growth to work through with my writing when I decide to post polished fics, but that's fun now, feels different. I have so much in the wheelhouse. It'll fuel me to season 5 and beyond, I'm pretty sure.

That's funny you mention the spicypolls account, because I HAD to go searching through their archive and I found that post - wow, I see what you mean. The typing style certainly could make you think it's me, and it was an excellent post but full disclosure - I've never sent anything into that blog before! I only started this blog in May (whoa! 2 months?? Feels a lot longer!) and I genuinely only lurked and never interacted anywhere on the spicy corner before I converted this account, even on anon.

And I never thought I'd learn things about myself through something as genuinely kind of silly as what is, at its core, an explicit head-canon and writing blog for a fictional fandom ship. Hahahaha. But here I am. Feeling a little more confident in embracing my vulnerabilities and weirdness. Weirdness isn't bad! It's stuff I've known but it's different when you just live your life, instead of actually talking about it outside of your brain. Helps me feel less embarrassed after posting here sometimes - I look back over what I post and just cringe on occasion but power through a little easier lately!!

And ohhh it always comes back to the cringe roleplay, doesn't it 😏 Which has been a fun exercise in letting myself play around and try new things in general, with writing. With real life. Be a little weirdo. Find your people. Stay authentic.

Thanks for this one, it's a little self-indulgent, rambling about myself, but it made me smile. ❤️ Incredibly corny, but this is the kind of environment I think I've always been searching for online, but looked in all the wrong places. So, ughhhh. Finally.

[vivisols]

Hi Vivisols! Or i guess Vivian now, feels disrespectful to call you that for some reason because its been too long.

Im one of your long time missing anons! I bet you wont guess who until the end! Hehe

Just wanted to stop by and say hi! For the first time in ages, I’m soooooo sorry to have left out of the blue without a proper goodbye, and I know despite my anon status it felt like we were good enough acquaintances that you deserved a goodbye!

Are you well? I hope so! Any new projects? Anything I’ve missed?

I’ve been quite okay despite it all! And Ive been thinking about your fics a lot recently, I’ll definitely be rereading them soon. And hey! Maybe I’ll stop on by when I’ve done so!

Here’s something positive before I sign off.

From what little we’ve interacted, I’ve always gotten a determined feeling from you, a confident attitude. You’ve always seemed like the type to keep pushing even when times got tough, or the very least pick yourself up, and try again, and I hope you keep that quality.

Enjoy yourself and the time you have, be cringe and free, share every story you’ve ever wanted to share, even if you dont finish them, and love what you want to love.

Your soul is beautiful, thank you for letting it thrive.

Goodbye for now, but definitely not forever!

Yours truly,

~Recommendation Anon~

P.S. I have nothing to recommend! Im so mad! It would’ve been so fun to just plop something in your hands before leaving again. Maybe reread a story you havent thought about in awhile! I always love giving my favorites a reread. Okay bye bye! ❤️

AW SHUCKS HELLO!!!!! ITS BEEN A WHILE BUT ITS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AFTER SO LONG!!!!! :DDDD

don't even worry about it!!!!!! things happen all the time and I got wayyy too busy myself this year... hope you had a good one at least! xD

personally, im doing good! save for the giant bit of writers block thats been plaguing me for months xP ive got a lotta plans and none of them want to come to fruition!!! terrible!!!!!! buuuut im definitely gonna keep trying to wrangle SOMETHING out of me before the end of the year if i can help it! even if theres only a few days left... x3

ive got a few projects I mainly wanna do planned out, particularly a new DCA fic and a DCA visual novel, yet alas... writing em just doesnt wanna happen. but dont worry! this is part of the cycle for me xD i have really really REALLY good period of writing then BOOM. months of writers block lmao. so i wouldn't say you've missed much! besides me getting dragged by my hyperfixations into 300 new fandoms hahaha xD

if you do decide to reread em, feel free to come on back if you want to! i still love them deeply, nd i still love the DCA. id be down to yap about them so much x3 (also: cannot believe claw at the stars is over a year old. and the future stares back is ALMOST a year old.... the passage of time... scary)

AND THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH! that means a LOT to me to hear!! i cant express how much I needed to hear that rn but awe thank you!!!!! i teared up a little ngl THANK YOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

p.s. dont worry about it! the fact you even stopped by and wrote such a nice message means so much to me already. even if you dont have a recommendation thats a-okay!!!!! im just glad to see you still around!!! nd in the meantime, i'll see if I can dig through my extensive bookmark list for one of my long-time favs to read over breakfast x3c

[gallavich-headcanon]

mickey cant ignore it anymore. he needs help. -> Maybe the witched that cursed him tried to teach him a lesson about being mean, but she ended up helping him accept the fact that he needs help sometimes.

he believes its a sign that hes a good person -> Honestly, I feel the same. Cats (real ones, not cursed people) are a great judge of character.

its exactly the same except now his replies come out as little meows. -> I bet he gets so frustrate when he wants to be mean to Ian and say something sarcastic and all that comes out is "meow meow" and Ian takes it as something positive hahaha

petting ians face with a paw to get him up and moving to the bed -> This is so sweet of him. He grows attached to Ian... He never planned on it but he likes comforting Ian. He likes seeing Ian's eyes light up when he waits for him by the door when he hears Ian's keys fumbling to unlock the apartment door.

how do you think ian will react? -> First, I think Ian would think that he has lost his mind. (unless it's not so abnormal in this AU) After he takes a moment, I think he would be mortified! He probably told Mickey his entire life story and embarrassing things that happened to him, thinking that Mickey doesn't understand him. He probably says something about the fact that Mickey could have found a way to communicate with him! Maybe type it on Ian's laptop or like 'write' with his pews on something. I think he would have a million questions to ask him. I wonder how he would feel about suddenly being attracted to Mickey. He's a very cute cat but Ian wasn't sexually attracted to a cat.

im thinking this could potentially be a nice slow burn, with some angst and a happy ending -> YES. Oh my god Mars I'm very happy you told me about this AU idea! maybe you and @plainest / @babygirlmickey could collab on this if you don't have the energy / time to write it? I would read the hell out of it!

hi this is my 3rd time writing it (my app keeps crashing) and ngl im kind of annoyed so ill keep this short and sweet cus the last time i tried writing the idea out here it just disappeared, so:

a magic au

mickey is a dealer of sorts, he gets his clients all and any ingredients they need for spells and potions, as well as other things they might need. he gets a new client and the first meeting doesnt go well, the person isnt too keen on his gruff and no-bullshit attitude. they end up fighting and mickey is cursed into a cat, the only way to break the curse being to get someone to treat him the way he treated the witch.

ian is a healer witch, he meets mickey in one of the worst ways he could - as hes walking out of the corner shop he almost knocks the cat out with the force with which he opens the door.

the cat - mickey - hisses at him, his tail held out stiff and straight very obviously unhappy with being hit. ian, lover of all things living, immediately feels terrible crouches down and takes something out of one of his grocery bags and holds it out to mickey.

the cat looks at him doubtfully but smelling the piece of ham the red head is holding out in his palm mickeys tummy rumbles almost painfully (its been two days since hes been turned and hes had no luck in getting anyone to feed him or finding anything to eat in the wild) so he carefully moves closer to the man and takes the ham out of his hand quickly and practically devours it.

ian feeds him a few more pieces until the cat visibly calms down, he even pets it scratchingg behind its ear as he whispers apologies. then he stands up slowly and with one last look at the cat moves to get to his apartment. he doesnt notice the panicked look on the cats face.

it takes mickey all of 3 seconds to decide that hes going to follow the man. in the last 2 days no one seemed to even notice him, he cant chance another 48 or so hours of hunger and general misery.

he follows the man home and hopes the stranger will at least give him some more food before he closes his doors in his face.

ian doesnt notice the cat is following him until hes in front of his house, and by then he feels like he has to get the cat in for at least one night.

he makes dinner for both himself and the cat and after spending the evening in front of the tv he goes to bed. during the night mickey wakes up and decides its as good time as any to get started at annoying the man until he shouts at him. admittedly he feels kind of bad to be pushing stuff to the ground and digging in the plants but its his only chance at getting back to being human. by the time hes done its almost dawn and the sky is turning grey, he curls up next to the bed and waits for the man to wake up and start screaming.

except he doesnt. when ian gets up, moves out if the bedroom and into the combined living room and kitchenhe notices the mess right away, but instead of getting angry he just chuckles to himself lowly. he did bring a cat home and as far as hes aware cats need entertainment to stimulate their brains. he quickly cleans up before getting breakfast (for himself and the cat), getting dressed and leaving for work. when he comes back, hes carrying a bag filled with different types of cat toys.

mickey is so fucked.

-------------

tldr;

mickey gets cursed into a cat and to break the curse someone has to treat him the same way he treated the witch (i.e. yell at him) ian finds him in front of the grocery store and feeds him, mickey follows him home and ian takes him in after which mickey gets fed again only to decide during the night that if hes ever to go back to being human he needs to piss the guy off in a major way, cue mickey knocking stuff off the table, and other places. it seems to be going well, the destruction not too much but seemingly enough to get yelled at. except ian doesnt yell, he doesnt even get mad. he lets out a barely audible giggle and as he comes home from work later that hday, hes carrying a variety of cat toys.

i got this idea at 2am yday and couldnt get it out of my head or write it down in a way that made sense so here is a bunch of words that seemed to make sense to me, hope you dont mind. also would really appreciate your thoughts♡

xx

HOLY SHIT MARS! OKAY I AM SO EXCITED!

mickey is a dealer of sorts, he gets his clients all and any ingredients they need for spells and potions -> This reminds me of a fic I read but I can't think of the name...

mickey is cursed into a cat, the only way to break the curse being to get someone to treat him the way he treated the witch. -> okay this is very fucking cool. So he treated the witch like shit and now he needs someone to treat him like shit...

ian, lover of all things living, immediately feels terrible -> of course he does! I would too! poor kitten! He's so tiny and pretty.

he doesnt notice the panicked look on the cats face. -> poor Mickey! he's probably so tired, especially after finally eating for the first time in two days. he probably needs a warm place to take a fucking nap.

but instead of getting angry he just chuckles to himself lowly. -> Oh Ian you're such a sweet man. Mickey is never turning back into a human, isn't he?

MARS I need more! I am not kissing you better continue this story! This is such a cute idea. Mickey will try to do the most fucked up things and while Ian probably punish him (no snack, spray him with a water when he tries to eat the plants) he doesn't yell. Mickey tries to bite him and Ian thinks that they're playing.

But life as Ian's cat isn't so bad. He gets cuddles and warm bed and food, He can watch tv while Ian is at work. I'm dying to know how long it takes Ian to realize this isn't a real cat.

[panda0919]

A rant about Voltron: Legendary Defender because ... apparently I feel like embarrassing myself on main 🤷‍♀️ (beware of spoilers ahead if you're a few years late to this party and you care)

-

When the Netflix series originally came out (in 2016-ish, I believe?), I didn't really give it any thought because it's based on a mecha anime and I have zero interest in space robots. But I love animation and I eventually came under the impression that there was decent POC and queer representation in the show. I finally started watching it a couple of weeks ago. I finished the series today.

Here are some of my thoughts/impressions, in no particular order, because I feel like rambling about something other than politics for once:

I'm glad I didn't watch the show when it was a "thing", because I've read that its fandom was scary. So I guess I dodged a mess there.

Pidge is precious and is probably my favorite character. She is so determined and nerdy and resourceful and androgynous and I loooooove her. She has the universe on her shoulders and takes herself very seriously, but she also gets several moments to be the fifteen-year-old kid that she is. I love that nobody on the team treats her any differently (even if Lance is initially shocked) when she tells them about her gender.

Hunk is also precious. Media in general really needs to move the fuck away from fatphobic "humor", though. He was definitely written to be more than his size and his love for food, but ... those things were still running jokes and the way he was treated just didn't sit right with me (more about that in a bit). He's such a caring soul and I found him to be an endearing character.

I guess there is decent representation? I have mixed feelings about how it is/isn't shown.

Like ... Shiro's endgame love interest and wedding both come out (lol) of nowhere (who is that guy? how did they meet? where's the buildup?) Of course, we already know that Shiro is queer because there are brief references to his ex boyfriend, but once we learn about this part of his back story, his role in the remainder of the series is kind of sidelined. Sure he's not a paladin anymore but his overall story is a huge part of the broader show. You can't tell me that, at the very least, he and Keith don't continue to spend time together outside of work or combat settings. He has been through so much and they are each others' rocks.

Allura fucking DIES??? Yes, let's just kill off the only brown female central character. She's already survived a genocide; lost her entire family, culture, and planet; and frequently shares her healing powers with others to the point of falling ill, but that's not enough - she has to literally sacrifice her own life as well. It doesn't sit right with me at all. She deserves better. (On a lighter note, I like that Allura has a very feminine appearance and that this is not implied to be a weakness. Additionally, she and Pidge are never placed into any sort of hierarchy with each other as women).

Keith is a super interesting character. He doesn't come off as someone who has serious "discipline issues" so much as someone who struggles with social situations. I like that he has the opportunity to learn how to trust and care for other people in addition to Shiro. He works to reign in his self sabotaging tendencies and finds that his life has just as much value as anyone else's. Also: Keith is the only person, animated or real, who will ever look good with a mullet.

A Keith/Lance rivals-to-lovers storyline would have been *chef's kiss* I would have enjoyed more screen time between the two of them not only because their interpersonal antics are hilarious, but also because I just get the ~vibe~ that Lance in particular is aggressively performing heterosexuality and that this somehow ties into the way that the show explores his general struggle with feelings of inadequacy. He's silly, but complex. I do appreciate that Lance begins to grow into his own and that he and Keith develop some level of mutual respect for each other by the end of the series, though.

The Lance/Allura thing is cute but doesn't make much sense because there is no buildup. Lance obviously has a crush on her throughout the series, but Allura's reciprocation feels really random.

Slav is what anxiety feels like.

I know that Voltron is a mecha war story, but I just would have loved to see more of a focus on the dynamics between the characters. The writers have said that the show is not really about relationships, which is fine, but that assertion kind of betrays the reality of the series, doesn't it? We learn a lot about Pidge's family, and her dedication to finding her dad and brother. We piece together Keith's and Shiro's traumatic backgrounds, and how they have come to be such close friends. We learn about the complicated, abusive dynamics between Lotor, Haggar/Honerva, and Zarkon, including their implications for broader relations throughout the universe (also: I think Lotor could have had an interesting redemption arc). But in addition to all of this ... What about Hunk's and Lance's backgrounds? What were their lives like before the garrison? What about Allura's memories of her life before Altea was destroyed (e.g., her relationship with her father in particular)? What about how Keith patched things up with his mom when they suddenly came back into each others' lives (we just ... watched them come out of the quantum abyss after a brief montage that's supposed to represent a span of two years and now they're okay)? I think these things would have added a lot of substance and nuance to the show, and may have also heightened its stakes. I don't know.

It was an engaging series. I liked the animation and (many of) the characters. I just think that it could have been more.

Anyway ... look at me railing on about a show aimed at children. I think I'm gonna go watch She-Ra and the Princesses of Power next lmao

[nonclassyparty]

and the san part 😭😭😭 it's all what yn could do for san but what can san do for yn? love sometimes just isn't enough

Well I assume what yn can do for san is love him whatever he does, and what he can do is at least get to know her? give it a go? see what they can be? ofc if he can't then he can't, he doesn't owe her love & can't be forced but he should at least grant her the possibility as all he's been doing is saying no with no explanation. he's been judging her for so long

tho his kinda guys quickly get swallowed by their pride and just bc homegirl is rich they'll have this inferiority complex and make everything a problem. what if her parents disown her or she decides to go make a life of her own, which will make her financially san's equal, what then?

& what can mingi do for yn? what can yunho? what can any guy? a relationship goes both ways and being there is already giving. but legit question bc I'm curious, what in your eyes can the other guys give?

I think I should get a diary instead of making your ask page my brain dump place hahaha

the worst thing you can possibly do for san is love him no matter what he does bc he said it himself in the teaser (and we'll learn so much more about him in the next chapter) he is selfish and he will use that love to his advantage bc he knows she'll always take him back/forgive him. and san is san, he'll fuck up and he'll hurt people and he'll hate himself but he still won't stop doing what he knows is wrong because some cycles are simply too much work to break and hating yourself is easier. this does not make him a bad person (please however reads this do NOT come into my askbox dragging him😭 idk why im so weirdly defensive over him, probably bc im the one who created his character but also bc i usually dont think people like that are bad people just really sad people)

he doesn't dislike that yn is rich, he feels like yn is ungrateful.

and what can mingi and yunho (still cant believe im even counting him in this it rly came out of nowhere) can do for yn is show her what it means to be loved. they dont struggle with the concept of it, i'll use yunho for example bc he's barely mentioned in the story so far but yn already managed to figure out that he's not scared of commitment, dating, even knows the type of girl he usually goes for etc etc (altho the way yn explains it in the first chapter sounds rly bad but thats bc its her perspective of him which isnt exactly good at the moment). and all this sounds like im saying u shouldnt date people with baggage or something and thats not what i mean at all bc yn has a ton of baggage as well so i just keep wondering how can two people with so much baggage and who are confused about love as much as they are know how to love each other and for it to be healthy? who is going to show who what is the right way you should love someone or how they deserve to be treated or that theres no reason to be scared if they're both scared??

like i genuinely keep going back and forth these days bc i had one ending for the series but recently i've been thinking about another one and i keep trying to figure out how to give yn a happy, healthy relationship with any of these three guys and for it to still stay true to all of their characters even after 2-3 years of a time skip and some very much needed growth..

also i totally don't mind these thought dumps in my inbox bc it really got me thinking a lot 😭❤️

[vrisrezis]

Oohh wait.. since we got a yandere s/o post... what about yandere matsus? 👀👀👀

Been waiting the day for this ask thank u

Warnings for blood; violence; abuse; toxic relationships; suicide; self harm; just general yandere stuff

Osomatsu is the “eliminating” type of yandere. He will do anything to make sure his competition is not around, he will attack or even go as far as to kill his rivals. If he’s pushed too far he would go as far as to hurt you, or kidnap you. He would even go as far as to kill you if driven mad enough. The only reason he would do this is if you show any kinda hatred or just disliking towards him, or are dating // showing an interest in somebody. He would try really hard to get you to trust him and be close to him, so he’d be really upset if you didn’t like him for some reason because of all the effort he’s put in for you to like him.

“Oh… so you are alive!” He smiles, wiping the blood off his face. Whos blood? Yours? His? Or somebody else’s? That is the question isn’t it.

“That’s good!” He giggles, “I honestly thought I killed you…” he says, coming close to you and caresses your cheek, you flinch at this action. “Now that wouldn’t be good… would it….?”

Karamatsu is a bit of the dependent type to be honest. He is devoted to you, and only you. You are his entire world and you are all that he thinks about. He cannot imagine a world without you by his side. He is so loving, to the point of it being overbearing. Giving you an unreasonable amount of love letters, flowers, anything to woo you. He is extremely delusional, getting the wrong idea and thinking you being kind to him means you love him. Although he is relatively harmless, if you get him out of his delusions (which is by kissing somebody or just dating somebody and showing an interest in somebody else) he ends up killing the person.

You looked at him, mouth agape. He did what? You may need him to repeat that.

The blood on his hoodie though, the tears rolling down his face, it says enough. He’s telling the truth. He killed your girlfriend, totoko.

“I’m sorry!” He exclaims, “please stay with me still! Don’t leave me! It’s okay right? It’ll be okay! Please don’t leave me! I cant live without you!” He barks out a laugh, tears steaming down his face. He seems more bothered by the idea of you leaving him than the fact he just murdered somebody, but you’re too scared to move as he comes up to you, taking your face in his hands.

“We can still stay together forever my dear! Like we always wanted! Hahaha!”

Choromatsu is the obsessive type of yandere, he always wants to be with you, he wants all of your time to himself. He wants you to be with him and only him, only think of him. He is the type of person to have a shrine of you hidden somewhere, he has pictures of you, there’s red scribbles of everyone else in the picture with you, whether it’s simply scribbles or just “DIE” or “NO” on the faces, your face being circled with hearts on it, he has stolen your sock that he sniffs and sighs happily at. He has become so obsessed though, he needs you by his side always. He’s more than willing to manipulate you into staying with him, and he can be very violent towards others. He isn’t violent towards you, but you have the fear that he could become violent. He tends to monopolize and isolate you from others.

“Who is that person you were talking to?” He glares at you accusingly. “You KNOW how I get when I’m upset…” he says, getting close to your face. “You don’t want anyone else to get hurt do you? Another person dying? Because of you? Is that really what you want?” He asks, and you shake your head no, begging him not to do anything drastic.

He gives you a sweet smile, “good” he says, kissing your cheek. “D’aww! I cant stay mad at you…” he sighs happily, “I love you~”

Ichimatsu is a bit self degrading, believing he is not good enough for his muse. He is extremely suicidal, wondering why he even should exist in a world where he can’t be with you. He ultimately decides if he cannot be with you he will simply die. He guilts you into staying with him, saying “I will kill myself if you leave me” he is extremely jealous as well which will make him extremely violent towards any rivals of his. He’s harmful to even himself, but never to you. He tends to self harm, mainly because he feels he deserves it, but also for your attention. When you pay attention to him it makes him feel so good, even if it’s not the good kind. It makes him feel like you care? Give him too much attention towards the self harm and he might actually go too far and stab himself to death in front of you.

“Good news honey..” Ichimatsu smiles darkly, “I killed that douchebag you wouldn’t shut the hell up about!” He laughs at you stare at him. “Yes.. keep staring at me..” he says in almost a dreamy like state, is that drool coming from his mouth? The moment you look away, he’s quick to say “hey… look at me…” he starts out serious before he lets out a rather maniacal laugh. “There’s so much blood coming out… it’s all for you..!”

He leans in to give you a kiss, you can taste the blood on his mouth and what freaks you out is that you don’t know if it’s his or not. “Lets die together. So we can stay together FOREVER in the afterlife.. we can start with you.. or do you wanna do it at the same time? I have sooo many ideas..”

Jyushimatsu is the type to worship you and be absolutely devoted towards you. He will do whatever you ask of him, he is quite literally your slave. He worships you and he is the self sacrificing type as well, he’s willing to kill himself for you, he’s at your beck and call. However at the same time would kill you too, not because he’s jealous, not on accident, but for the simple fact that he loves you. He is overbearing and is by far one of the worst of them, I feel very bad for you if you have this yandere. There is no reasoning with him, he’s beyond insanity.

He giggles, as you look at him covered in blood. “Well of course I killed him silly!” He says it in almost a bashful manner, “I’ll do anything for you.. even.. killing for you… I wouldn’t mind dying if it’s for you! use me however you want!” He grabs onto your hands, “you can just count on me. You don’t even need anyone else! I love you more than anyone ever could.. since I’m doing so much for you.. could you do one thing for more?”

Your quiet, but nod slowly, you’re too scared to do anything else.

“Can you give me your fingers nails? Toe nails are cool too if with wanna give me them instead.. a strand of your hair too! Ooh maybe even a tooth! I want them so I always have a part of you with me.”

Todomatsu is a stalker. He stalks you on social media and knows an unsettling amount of information about you that you never told him. He’s very clingy and obsessive and he wants to be with you always, and always, and always, AND ALWAYS, AND ALWAYS. He wants you guys to be inseparable, he is the most likely to kidnap you. He would be the type to isolate you from others, and he tries to force you to love him if he thinks you don’t. He is a little bit obsessed as well though, he wants to know everything you do, he wants to know everything about you. He can be violent towards you at times though.

“It hurts?” He asked, as he kicks you to the ground. “That’s your fault! I send you like 70 text messages and you didn’t reply! What about me?! Why didn’t you reply?” He glares at you angrily. “Where were you?! What were you doing?!”

When you don’t answer, he finally stops and inhales sharply, “I wanna stay together forever” he finally says, “you’ll never leave my side. Not again. I’ll make sure of it. You don’t need other people. You have me. You only need me.”

[killerlookz]

I had a sad dream this time. I tried to break up with Eddie (the riddler) and he killed me <3 Got me thinking tho what do you think he'd do in that situation?

first of all, sorry about your dream anon id probably wake up from that and cry but that's just me. hahaha.

anyways- in regards to a breakup, im a little, perhaps, unsure? of how eddie would react. as i did write a small sort of break-up fic for him once, and he did not kill reader so i am inclined to not go against my prior characterization and say, i dont? think he'd turn to murder?

i DO however believe if someone who edward was truly in love with broke up with him, he'd probably have a reaction similar to how he reacted when he found out batman wasn't actually on his side. a pretty, large breakdown. he would probably beg, and plead, until he exhausted himself. during that time, it might be hard to physically leave (if he's being broken up with in person) but i don't think he'd necessarily resort to extreme brutality (like murder) i dont see much of a "if i cant have you nobody can" sort of mindset. i feel like he'd more sort of, try to pester his ex relentlessly into getting back with him, he seems the type to beg for his ex to take him back.

he ALSO seems like the type to probably never get over a relationship. or at least it takes years. he dwells on the past a lot, so, you know. he'd probably spend A LOT of nights awake, crying, wailing actually, and screaming asking himself what went wrong.

[aquariusshadow]

Live!Blogging HSMTMTS s2x6

okay fiiiiiiiiinally ive been waiting all day to watch this.

so from what i've seen...i'm tentatively predicting that my new main ships will be portwell and ricky/therapy

lesssss goooooo

--

not if you liked them back kourt *wink wink* then its hard for you to see if they like you

oh north high again

i keep forgetting about this storyline

'village idiot'

idk why that made me laugh im sorry

omg imagine a legit group chat with seb and ej tho

someone write a chatfic about this please

portwell sitting next to eachother hehehe

'friendship' *gina looks at ricky* oh boy

asdlfjalhsdfjasdf

"im waiting for a sign" *camera pans to the exit sign*

so everyone that predicted the rose getting a song yall deserve your money's worth

ricky you fought for her to get in the show yet you cant let nini focus on her song for the show

wtf

i need to back this up

ive never done this before actually backing up an episode during a liveblog

"i can't believe you're finally back in the show yet you're spending saturday without me"

RICKY

SIR

MR SIR

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

she needs to focus

you need to focus

so miss jenn and ricky's dad are finally going on a date

aight

big red and nini convooooooo yesss

i do like kourt and howie's banter

JHLDJAFHLDSJFSDVBXMNSLDHLA

ricky: hey G

gina: *ignores*

ej: *smooth* may i have this exercise

see ricky you cant expect gina to always be there when you treat her the way you have been

poor carlos

hah remember what i said at the beginning of this? thats all i gotta say hehe with kourt and howie

............did

did ricky

spam her literal paragraphs of text

when she has told him she needs to focus

and ricky's freaking out over nini not liking hawaiian pizza

........

this is the type of clinginess that really does turn me off

especially back in highschool

ricky honey you really need some help

man poor ashlynn

ashlynn is going to kill it as belle because she's gonna be sooooooo genuine whereas im sure lily's gonna come off as very superficial in the part

look at ej's concerned expression when gina's struggling in the exercise

the one thing i do like about miss jenn's date so far is i think this is a nice way of getting to know both of the characters more

awwwww the date went well

RICKY

WHAT

SIR

i mean that was kinda funny ngl

BUT

oooooooooooo thats a great answer ej

"i'd ask him if he'd ever love anyone after belle"

but...did gaston ever truly love belle tho

ricky :(

he really doesnt like change does he

im glad the show is trying to address this

awwwww the gina and ashlynn heart to heart

i do love their friendship

omg she confessed her feelings for ricky

she actually did it

this entire time

he knew

and he still

this entireeeeeee tiiiiiiiime

the only excuse he has is that somehow he got it in his mind that he either thought gina moved on from him or ricky interpreted gina's confession as a friendship thing

but still

good lord ricky you need to calm it with the clingy

even nini isnt feelin it

.............

meanwhile lily is still spying

interesting i thought kourt was a gryffindor--although i can see her being a gryffindor/hufflepuff combo hehe

but ravenclaw works too!!!

yessssss ashlynn sing your heart out

and this is why she's going to be an amazing belle

i hate seeing gina in this much pain

yea kourt you be honest!!!

i love herrrrrr

howie drumrolled before her confession

thats really cute

hahaha

i love straightforward stuff like this

the harry potter geekiness <3

i really hope ricky's dad realizes somethings off now since he and miss jenn ended things because of ricky

aight nini lets hear the rose song

so........basically everything i said and thought about rini as a relationship

nini's song confirms it

confirm what a lot of people have been saying about rini

also this song is amazing <3

WE LOVE NINI DECIDING TO LIVE FOR HERSELF

olivia's soprano range <3

yea rip rini next episode

--

Alright, so. I ship Ricky with Therapy (Rickerapy) and Gina with Happiness (Hapina). That’s my final stance for a while. I’m very curious on where they take Portwell. If Rina’s gonna happen then...I’m honestly not sure how I feel about it? Like I still enjoy the idea of Rina, and it’ll be a lot better than Rini (I think) but...no guy is worth that much pain and heartache Gina’s dealing with. 

I guess if Ricky ends up working through his fear of change, learns better communication skills, and accepts/confronts his own feelings a lot better and treats Gina like the amazing person she is and makes it up to her then maaaaaaaaaaybe I’ll be on board with Rina in the end.

But yea, I’m definitely vibing more with Portwell rn.

Also, Nini deciding to live for herself. It’s such a good peak for her arc this semester I’m pretty happy.

Finally, while I’m giving Ricky a lot of shit, as I said in my previous live!blog--I still like his character and everything is very consistent with what we’ve seen from season 1. If anything, I’m really excited to see his arc come to a head and what comes after!

(someone plz write a seb and ej friendship chat!fic)

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR 

Ok y’all if you thought 18x05 was long, you in for a trip. Get ready for lots of caps, lots of not PG-13, and lots of overanalysis. I hope this lives up to the hype since it took me forever and a day (literally almost every minute of the 20 minutes of scenes took practically an hour to breakdown, I have a problem I know). Anyways, let’s get sweaty under the cut because the day ain’t young no more 👇🏼

Their bickering in the car but Nick smiling the whole time is a huge married vibe but also he’s so happy she’s alive and will take any shit she gives him vibe and I’m here for it. Pluuuuus Ellie avoiding nicks question about the phone call 😭 he’s so freaking concerned for her (he’s been through his own version of PTSD), his voice drops all the teasing and he actually opens up a little bit - really wants to make sure she’s ok. He needs to be there for her and ugh poor Ellie, those walls are going back up after that hug- a momentary lapse in her usual self. She’s so far outside of her comfort zone talking about feelings and weaknesses and she immediately deflects. Nick respecting that deflection is also huge growth for him, knows it’s not ok to push through like a person like him would normally do and force her hand. He knows she needs space but also clearly ready to be that ear to listen or shoulder to cry on whenever she needs it.

His joke about notable mustaches only to be the butt of the joke about using the word notable later is hiiiiiilarious. 

Her comment about Zillow 😂 um excuse me ellie you looking for houses and to settle down 👀 but then(!!) Nick pushes her down the stairs first when shots start, getting her out of harm’s way and putting himself in danger like he always does my heart 😩 like he’s still on the stairs by the time she’s in a cell “safe.” And side note damn they are good shots, oof. 

The toilet bowl scene is easily one of my favorites. Nick freaking out over Ellie moving hers and him not being able to had me DYING. Like legit cackling over his worry she’s suddenly way stronger than him 🤣🤣 and then he gets SO pissed they took their car hahaha like so mad he hugs the damn wall in frustration. But then he claims he’ll rip out the bars of the window (you know, to make up for not being able to move his toilet and still prove he’s macho) and Ellie’s comment about superhuman strength & his agreement LOL. His anxiety level of being trapped and more so Ellie being trapped is getting to him already. He is reaching for any possible way to get them (read: her) out of there safely it doesn’t matter that the plan sounds outrageous. Cue him moving back to pissed and breaking the toilet with his damn foot like 🥵 we get you strong Nick but no need to show off. Hot damn. His “I really think we’re stuck in here” after that IDK why but had be laughing again. I’m pretty sure I said “no shit Sherlock” at my TV watching live because thank you Captain Obvious. 

Aaaaaand then when she pauses and finds the bomb bricks but goes so quiet oooooof he’s on high alert. You can practically hear his heart pounding and then he goes and starts panicking slightly when she doesn’t respond with our first use of a first name, “Ellie we have a wall between us, what is it?” But his tone is so frantic and his eyes are darting around putting the whole picture together and my heart aches for him. He’s starting to realize just how helpless he is to save her. The exact thing he likely swore he’d set out to never let happen again (Ellie in danger) after last episode, is happening again. And this time, it’s not like he can go hunt the guys down, he’s quite literally stuck. Helpless with no way out. Aaand here’s where Nick starts to lose his patience. Pissed at himself for not saving her before, not being able to save her now. Pissed at everything. He cannot comprehend how she is in this situation AGAIN and he can do nothing. But oh lord, he doesn’t even realize it’s about to get worse...

Him brooding over this crappy situation in a corner and being the cautious one is so unlike him (but also so telling as to how unnerved he is by her being in danger once again and not wanting to do anything to make it worse) and Ellie calls him on being “so careful, cowboy” and hot damn again she really does like a man in uniform doesn’t she??? 👀🔥 and she not picky on the type of uniform either 😏 but Nick immediately deflects because he’s not *quite* ready to talk feelings so let’s get down to business about counting bullets BUT the second Ellie starts to worry again he goes into hyperdrive protective and caring boyfriend partner. Without hesitation he tells her they’re going to figure it out because goddamnit he HAS to figure this out for her. He can’t fail, again. And he’s so so SO worried about her & her mental health right now and I sincerely love it. I know Ellie doesn’t want to have that conversation but I stan (I can’t believe I’m using that word, I’m not hip enough for that word) an empathetic boyfriend who supports their significant other when facing mental health issues (like PTSD in Ellie’s case) ❤️❤️❤️ Nick breaks my heart, he wants to be there for her- wants to be the one she feels comfortable enough to open up to and he just gets so dejected when she rejects his probing again (but I don’t blame her, it’s *hard* to open up about these difficult topics), his body language slumped over the bars and tone is just so defeated even if he tries to snap back into his usual Torres self (newsflash it ain’t working bruv because she’s not totally wrong in calling you hovery). Yet naturally he gets annoyed because he JUST CARES ELLIE DAMMIT LET HIM CARE. Like you go through this entire list of him trying to protect you from everything that could go wrong because HE CARES. HE WAS TERRIFIED HE LOST YOU ELLIE. HE TRULY THOUGHT HE’D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. NEVER TOUCH YOU AGAIN. NEVER TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU. HE CARES. AND HE CANT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN. HE LITERALLY WANTS TO SAVE YOU (his own words because god damn this show plays with my emotions 😭😭) FROM ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE COULDN’T SAVE YOU FROM GETTING KIDNAPPED AND HAVING TO FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT OF A PLANE RIGGED TO BLOW. Ok done with yelling for now but man this part gets me. The implications are so important even over trivial stuff. He felt helpless and Nick Torres cannot do helpless, so he tries do to everything else in his power to keep her away from any danger no matter how little it seems. Even hot coffee is too much for his precious babe and while he knows she’s not some delicate, fragile flower- he knows she can hold her own (& has called her a badass as proof), his heart can’t possibly take another explosion on an airstrip. Even if that airstrip is something like a burnt tongue. Ok I die now 😩😩😩

But let’s come back to living because this bullshit Nick “I always tell you what’s going on with me...you ask I tell you” exCUSE ME. Is this the same man who claimed he was being overprotective and that Ellie was like a sister to him?!???!! Yeah, I call bullSHIT that you tell Ellie what’s going on with you. (And Ellie calls BS too, btw buddy). 

But when Ellie finally decides to open a little I love it. I think she finally understood at least just a bit that he just, simply cares about her & her well-being. So she gives him a tiny taste of what she’s going through. And god Nick’s face when he understands the gravity of what she’s having to face mentally. Like I know he knew but I don’t think he knew just how bad. And you can just see that hatred towards his perceived failure turning inward once again as the mood shifts in these cells to somber. Plus Ellies last comment here with them *needing* to find a way out of there- girrrrrrrl poor baby girl 😭 she’s struggling so hard right now and trying so hard to not let it show and not let it get to her but you know she’s terrified. You know she’s desperately triggered. UGH Ellie 💔💔

We cut to Ellie desperately trying to figure out a solution to getting the fuck outta there and once again my heart aches for her triggered self. Nick seems desolate and frustrated, shutting down slowly as it seems less and less likely they’ll get out. Buuuuut then the GUM. Ahahahahahah Ellieeeeeee how do you know about that last piece of gum for “breath emergencies”??? AHHHH this man’s jeans are so damn tight (& yes trust me I would know, I observe) but like also you staring at a spot on said tight jeans that’s only maybe five inches from a different outline 👀👀👀 GIRL I FEEL YOUUUU. GET. IT. Plus she knows exactly what he calls it and I freaking love that. His excuse for why he has to save it is also hilarious 🤣 his breath emergency later hmmm doubt you wanted to save it to MacGyver something Nick sooooo you got another thing in mind?? 😏 and then LMAO it’s mushy because his pants are sweaty I’m rolllllling. Your pants too tight Nick? (this is not humanly possible btw) ALSO is this why later Ellie says she expected Nick to be more sweaty??? If it is and now rewatching I kind of feel like it is, omg what a great callback on her part 🤣🤣

Nick trying to coach her on the proper way of opening the cell door is hilarious because bitch which one of you was able to move their toilet Nick 👀😂 but oh damn now it’s when shit goes downhill fast. 

Nick not being able to see anything and his frantic questioning is amazing compared to Ellies absolute panic realizing she is once again facing down a bomb. I feel like her calming breaths are a coping technique Jack has been helping her with but man kill me now, Nick’s face?? When he realizes what he thought was helplessness earlier has just shot yo exponentially??? Oof with a capital O. This poor man needs a damn drink and yet all he can have is a club soda boy I *feel you* on that (side note #letsgetthisbabyoutmybellyasap). His woman has gone and gotten herself into another bomb encounter for the second time in a week. And he CANT DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT. Can you imagine the absolute inner (and outer, give it a sec) freak out he’s having?? He wants to save her from hot coffee for Christ’s sake and now he can’t save her from a rigged bomb. Talk about a shitty situation. 

I just love the Torres Teachable Moment little discussion. Like Nick’s smirk gets me. I really don’t think he knew she had a name for it or realized that she caught on to what he was doing (trying to help her grow as an agent without being obvious or “degrading”). And then we move on to comparing arm length and I crack up 😂 “my arms are longer than yours” and “no they’re disproportionately short for your body” HAHAHA like what the hell have you guys been doing to know this?? Do you stand *that* close together with your arms down to know their lengths comparatively and how much do you stare at Nick, Ellie? Daaaaaaamn. From his gum to his arms to his body I see you 👀 I’m not hating tho I would too 😏 I think what I loved most about this whole jail scene (aside the ending obvs) is the quick flipping back and  forth from joking & teasing to dead serious & worried. Like they’re both trying so hard to keep it above board and light- trying desperately not to think of the implications of what’s happening but then (usually Nick) those intrusive thoughts sneak through and he can’t help but redirect them back to serious. It shows their inner warrings with themselves and just how hard this is for both of them. How much they want to appear strong and unflappable but they both know deep down the whole situation is eating away at them. And Nick bringing up her standing on a bomb only moments before he tells her he’s going to shoot the wall- OOF. Ellie’s genuine terror for him injuring himself and her then not being able to do a damn thing about it because she’s standing on a FREAKING BOMB is so painful to watch. Like she’s stuttering she can’t get it out fast enough, she needs to stop him, she can’t fathom him getting hurt while she’s helpless (uh, hello there theme of the episode how have you been). Nick’s facial expressions through this scene are also so telling. He goes from “this isn’t a big deal” to “oh shit she’s panicking” to “holy shit is she going to open up, is she really talking about this” to “fuck it’s my fault she had to go through that and it’s tearing me up inside every second” to “hooooooly fuck is she about to say what I think she’s about to say?? Is she about to confirm what I know deep inside but am too afraid to say aloud?? Is it true??” And ELLIE OH ELLIE. Reliving that *has* to be hard, has to. To finally bring it up after she’s been dodging it all damn day...you know the thought of him getting seriously injured had her more than rattled. And she cracks open those cement walls around her heart so briefly, the glimpse in it provides I think a turning point for Nick. Finally seeing that it’s not just him, she’s in deep too. Even if she can’t say it, can’t say she was fighting to see him again 😩💔 he knows. She says he only has one bullet left and to save it and they’ll figure some other way with tears in her eyes my HEART. But Nick gets it. Nick gets it because he’s been in the exact same situation. His eyes as they process the implication of her words and the fear for his life running through them 🥺 his simple “ok” is so unlike his normal self, you just know he’s once again doing anything and everything he can for. Even if that means standing down and not fighting for his way (the natural instinct for him). He knows what she needs is reassurance he won’t accidentally shoot himself. So he does it 😭 But him pacing (as a man of action suddenly faced with forced inaction) & Ellie begging for an inventory over and over (a woman of logics and data faced with PTSD) is so painful. You can tell they’re both struggling and neither wants to admit it but also they both need to do something - for Nick that becomes finally deciding to shoot a foothold in the wall and for Ellie that meant trying to go over their facts again and again but suddenly she’s once again terrified Nick is going to injure himself. The one man she fought to see again might hurt or even kill himself and she can’t do a damn thing because she’s standing on a bomb for fuck’s sake. Aaaaaaand cue the blow up. Cue Nick voicing his worst fears of Ellie accidentally triggering the bomb. Cue Ellie getting defensive because she’s so damn used to be babied and treated like she can’t take care of herself. Cue the “overprotective hovery man crap” line that had me rolling on the floor (tbt ROFL). Cue Ellie calling herself a girl but Nick calling her a woman like DAMN get me where it hurts Nick- that right there is a man who respects the living hell out of this fiiiiiiine representation of a woman in front of him 🔥. Cue Ellie saying because I’m “me” like um FUCK YES IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE YOU AND HE’S TOO SCARED OF LOSING YOU ELLIE. Cue Nick finally losing his shit and getting reeeeeealllllllll like hallelujah do you hear the church bells?! Even Ellie knows to finally pause and listen. Nick never loses it on her, never. She knows this shift is serious and it’s happening. And omg his confession can I just have a moment of silence for the GROWTH.

Thank you, it needed commemorating. The same Nick who didn’t belong to a team is the Nick that is out here claiming he can’t sit idly by while the love of his life might get blown up again. He’s NOT OKAY WITH THAT AND NEITHER AM I. NOT AFTER THIS GODDAMN SCENE. His head bob accentuating just- how- important this is to him is so in character (thank you Wilmer) and theeeeeeen shoot me the way he has to fucking collect himself from almost crying. The emotion- there just aren’t words. Literally he has to look up to the sky and blink back those tears you know are threatening to fall at the thought of the woman who he still *technically* hasn’t told that he loves her could potentially die, again, for the second time in a week. So guess the hell what? He’s telling her (sort of). He’s telling her he would do anything, anything, put himself in danger’s way if it meant there was even the tiniest chance it would save her. Pardon the callback but- HE WOULD RISK HIS LIFE TO SAVE HERS. DON’T YOU REMEMBER ELLIE. YOU SAID I KNOW. DO YOU KNOW NOW. DO YOU. BECAUSE GOOD LORD CAN YOU MARRY THIS MAN ALREADY BEFORE I DIVORCE MY HUSBAND AND DO IT (jk love you honey 😘). But like damn, she knows it now. That look- she bites her lip and has tears in her own eyes at the realness she can feel even through a cement block wall. It’s a feeling she’s not used to. She isn’t used to being a person someone would literally risk death for. She doesn’t think she deserves it (sip on that like whiskey, mull it over, let it sink in & cry about it). Even if she knows she doesn’t need saving (and so does Nick), she finally realizes it isn’t about that. It isn’t about he feels like she can’t do it. It’s about the overwhelming pull that your life isn’t greater than the one you love. That love, real true love, is knowing you would do anything for that other person (and they the same) because the world would be worse off without them in it. And Nick will never be okay with a world without Ellie. Never. Their joint quiet after his confession is so powerful. There’s no claims of falsehood, there’s no trying to quip back at him, there’s no trying to stop him. It just settles into the room- into their hearts. They’ve crossed a line and it means so, so much. Nick can feel a weight lifted off his shoulders as he loads his gun and gets ready and Ellie can feel a weight settle on hers from the need to reciprocate. And not out of pity, it would be out of truth. But she knows it isn’t the right time. She knows she has to do it, and she will. She held back earlier when she couldn’t say she was fighting for Nick, but his outburst and confession gave her the courage in this scene. She finally has confirmation she means to him like he means to her. And she has to know, she has to know if he means it or if it was heat of the moment so when the dust settles she inquires, “what’s going on over there?” A pulse check. A way of asking without asking—did you mean that? And the shock of confirmation of her face as Nick, dead as a doornail serious says, “close calls make you live harder”….holy hell. That’s the moment it snaps for her, everything snaps into place—the agony he’s gone through not only this week, but the past couple years of close calls. He’s done beating around the bush, he’s living harder, he’s going all in, he’s getting what he wants. He refuses to let anything like a damn jail cell rigged to blow stand in his way. And she knows, she knows just how important she is to him. He might not have said those three words, but that phrase- that phrase was a direct window into Nick Torres’ soul. And by god I love it. 

But Nick pulling a prank on Ellie like that is also so Nick- the little shit. The genuine concern in her voice when she yells his name 😭 like dude, her worst fear, something causing ongoing trauma in her head right now is the ONE THING you decide to tease her with??? I should expect nothing less but damn that’s low 😂 her checking on his status update with Gibbs though feels like such a role reversal from earlier and it cracks me up, side note. 

When they’re getting ready to stand down the returning brother and Nick gets in position next to the wall but can’t even look ahead- he’s just staring at Ellie, oof. In that moment he’s brutally and painfully aware she can’t hide for cover. Not only can she not hide, he can’t cover her because he’s (locked in a cell but also) out of bullets. He’s once again near helpless and the woman he loves (and has now finally kind of told) is a sitting duck. Someone get this poor man a damn club soda, I repeat. 

And the little talk between the two parties- I love that Ellie takes point. Love that Nick lets her. Like damn that’s a supportive partner right there and I 👏🏼 AM 👏🏼 HERE 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 IT. He knows she can handle this shit and he will willingly let her. But nooooooowwwww weee gettinggggg to the goooooood paaaaaaart. 

Ok first, “good to see you” - this man has missed her face. Straight up dying to see her in the flesh. Just listening to her voice and not seeing the emotions written on her face is not enough. Seeing her alive, smiling at him, he needed it. But of course, let’s keep it light, act natural Nicholas. 

“I thought you’d be sweatier” - excUUUUSE ME ELLIE. Not only did you just call out his reference to his sweaty jeans earlier, you also WANT TO SEE HIM SWEATY DON’T YOU. THAT SMIRK SAYS YES DON’T LIE. And honestly, I don’t blame you shhhhh.

“The day is young” - can I get another excUUUUSE ME NICK. Words- they don’t- function. Because that knowing smile of hers- SHE’S OKAY WITH IT. GET YOUR MIND OUT THE GUTTER YOU TWO THERE’S A HOMICIDAL MAN UPSTAIRS. YOU’VE GOT TIME TO GET SWEATY TOGETHER TONIGHT YOU HEAR ME. THAT DAY IS YOUNG AND SO ARE YOU SO GET THOSE BRICKS AND THEN YOU CAN GET TO BANGING LATER. I just fucking can’t with their smirks. I can’t. This isn’t the normal banter, this is the fuck me banter and I’m okay with it. Because right after the I-wanna-get-in-your-sweaty-jeans banter we have Ellie putting her HAND ON HIS GD HIP AS HE PASSES ONLY TO MOVE UP TO BOTH SHOULDERS. AND THEEEEEEEN HOLY HELL SOMEONE LIGHT A MATCH BECAUSE THIS BITCH ABOUT TO EXPLODE FROM SEXUAL TENSION. Is it possible to rewatch this scene a thousand times in slo-mo and still not have watched it enough? Because that is me. That will always be me. How are they so in tandem, so in sync as they look up mere inches from each other- directly into the other’s eyes knowing exactly how serious this situation is and yet pausing to freaking gaze longingly (read: have eye sex) at each other. And I’m sorry Nick looks down at her lips like three times??? For a good while too?? Sir nothing you said required you to look there. nothing. And also there’s no way his hands aren’t on her I thiiiiiiink they’re on her upper arms (based on the last shot as he’s walking to get the bricks) but like hold her tight Nick please. Also while Ellie doesn’t look at his lips (in this scene) holy shit those are some come-hither eyes if I’ve ever seen them. “I’m sure” ABOUT YOU. SHE’S SURE ABOUT YOU NICK. SHE’S SURE SHE’S READY TO GET SWEATY WITH YOU NICK. Like literally, this girl had been leaning up against the cement wall for a looooong time before he has to pass her and now, NOW that Nick has to pass her- SHE STANDS UP TALL. TO GIVE HIM NO SPACE. WHILE SHE’S STANDING ON A BOMB. BITCH YOU WANTED IT. That was a damn power move Ellie and I am not mad about it. She so easily could have leaned back, given him a ton of space to get around, but nooooooo she stands right there, middle of the tight opening and says yes Nick come get 1mm from my face, touch me here, touch me there, touch me everywhere don’t care 👀 while you pass. I’m sure I’m okay with it because you’ve just eye fucked me and it’s exactly what I wanted. And I mean come oooooooon just the underlying emotion behind both of their words. Nick isn’t just asking if she won’t move her foot- it’s his way of asking if she’s ok and she looks SO much better, more relaxed now that he’s with her. The tense, anxiety-ridden Ellie that was asking for inventory or snapping about him being overprotective, is now at ease despite still standing on said bomb- all because Nick is right there with her and if that doesn’t make you 🥺😭 I don’t know what will. Like she can’t even take her eyes off of him even after rude brother interrupts this gold moment of theirs until Nick has already completely turned his head towards the dude. She’s just so relieved to see him standing there, so close to her, feeling his warmth underneath her hands again. 

Side note to prove my earlier point, when Nick casually reaches through to throw the bags of bricks through the door Ellie is leaning on the wall and THERE’S SO MUCH ROOM. HE COULD HAVE EASILY PASSED. 

Nick looks like he literally wants to murder the guy, enraged that he’s the one who put Ellie in this situation again. We would’ve seen swan!Nick if it wasn’t for Ellie choosing this moment to finally share her feelings. Because remember- she’d decided she was going to reciprocate but knew it wouldn’t come off the right way before. Now’s the time. Now when the immediate threat to their lives is gone (excluding bomb of course). Now when they’re alone, they’re together, and she can look him in the eye so he knows she’s serious. He can read the truth in her eyes rather than doubt her words said across a jail cell wall. 

“This isn’t about me, it’s about you” - well damn that got your attention didn’t it Nick??? So used to putting Ellie first, putting yourself second its weird to hear it come from someone else isn’t it? That someone is worried for your safety? That someone needs you living and breathing just as much as you need them doing the same? His eyes immediately change from Imma kill this man to did I just hear this woman right. 

“I’m not okay with you getting blown up either” - first off, the parallelism is what makes this absolute *chef’s kiss* because Nick has literally zero chance of being blown up if he runs after this dude. Shot? Yes. But blown up? No. Ellie has chosen these words precisely to call back to what Nick said earlier. To make sure he’s aware she understood the weight of his earlier confession and is making the same one. They are on equal footing- their feelings are not only reciprocated but just as strong as the other. She could’ve said anything else but choosing his exact words was so poignant in the moment. It’s like the difference between saying “I love you” & “I love you too” compared to “I love you” & “I really care about you.” And the way she says it with such confidence, she isn’t playing around, she didn’t even *have* to bring up their previous conversation, she’s got determination etched across her face with a ghost of a smile on her lips. She means this, and it’s dying to bust out of her. And so the shock to Nick’s system is quite frankly understandable. This is Ellie - someone who hours ago didn’t even want to tell him who she was trying to make a phone call to. Ellie who has walls the size of Mt. Everest erected around her heart. Ellie who could have brushed off his earlier comments said from the safety of a cement wall between them. But no. This Ellie is all-in, she’s ready to own up to her side. She’s ready to lay it on the line just like him. Equal footing. If Nick is ready to jump, then so is she. And he’s just so taken aback- glancing at her lips, blinking through the shock as he processes. Processes the weight of her words on their relationship. He knows he could laugh it off, make a joke about his superhuman strength not allowing him to get blown up, or he could man up and take them both forward. Ellie doesn’t even flinch under his stare, if anything she becomes more confident, more resolute in her words and her stance. Her eyes searching his for what his reaction will be and for a brief moment I swear there’s a tiny bit of worry, a tiny bit of unease that he wasn’t ready for her to repeat his words back to him. 

“Well, what are we gonna do about that?” Oh YOU HEARD. That smirrrrrrrrk Nicholas stop iiiiiit, Eleanor’s standing on a bomb you don’t need to light her on fire!! Because this is a challenge, a goddamn challenge. Staring straight into her soul saying, “oh you want me and I want you? How about we blow this popsicle stand and go get fucking sweaty ok? Because that’s what I want to do about that 👀🔥🔥🔥” and not only is the smirk sexy as hell but it’s also got this glint of elation. Like he could not be happier she said those words back to him. That he finally took Ziva’s advice, wasn’t a wuss and WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT IT PAID OFF. But his words also tell of a little nervousness. And not necessarily in a bad way, more as in a leaving it to her way. Putting her in the driver’s seat of this relationship knowing it’s where she’ll feel most comfortable. Given all she’s been through, like all of it not just the past week, he knows that she needs to be in control of how fast they move. And once again his chivalry and thoughtfulness of her is just- I cry. He doesn’t just assault her with what they should do next, he leaves it for her to decide. For her to weigh in on how far and how fast she wants to take them. And by the little shy smile Ellie gives him- she knows what he means. She knows her words have hit their mark and that he respects her enough to let her lead the way. And now she has to make her decision, a decision we DON’T GET TO SEE BUT I’M NOT BITTER IT’S FINE. But a decision nonetheless. 

I honestly go two ways on this- the most obvious of hell yes they kissed right then and there and started *something* and then the bitter realistic one of they were probably interrupted by Gibbs (who was literally outside like right then based on timing) but also may have just continued to stare into each other’s eyes- still slightly taken aback by everything they just shared and what it means for them. Still unsure of how they “work” as people who *love* each other, not just partners. Having that reality sink in as they continue to face off and wait for a rescuer. That reality sinking in could lead to obviously very good things (that we better see on our screen or I will fucking riot) or a slight nervous closing-off. Like not quite closed off closed off, but a tiny retreat when the gravity of the day falls down on both of them. I don’t think either will believe they only said what they did because of the situation/moment they were in, but it’s still a lot to deal with after all is said and done. I sincerely hope they unpack this in the coming episodes and give us some direction of what happened after that jail cell scene. 

I love the Torres told McGee about what happened today and I’m so curious about how much detail he told him lol but I also love that McGee has now received genuinely good advice from Torres twice now (the one about the reunion and now this). Just goes to show you the brotherly bond they have ❤️ but also that the advice was the same advice he literally lived out that day. Close calls make you live harder, almost as an affirmation to himself (Nick about what happened), but as something he knew McGee needed to hear too- they all do. 

And then this bullpen scene - one, how far of a time jump is this and whyyyyyyy won’t they telllll meeeeee. They hate me. Two, Ellie coming over so close just to hand off a file that he doesn’t even look at 👀 three, THEIR SMIRKS. WHAT DO THEY MEAN. Because Nick is holding back the world’s biggest smile as Ellie gets close to him and Ellie is just all nonchalantly checking him out with a brief eye-sex scene. Like damn this fine man doesn’t want me to blow up and I don’t want him to blow up either 🔥 Now does this mean they absolutely got together and did the nasty after they got out of that cell? Of course not. We can only dream, and write fics. This ending scene is very reminiscent of what NCIS loves to do with their power of open-ended persuasion at the end of an ep, see On Fire for example. The ending music and comments combined with the shot of Gibbs leaving in the elevator is literally there to try and persuade you that he killed Xavier. In this ep, the ending music and voiceover combined with their looks at each other is there to try and persuade you they totally got it oooooon. Not to say they didn’t, but I don’t trust NCIS one damn bit. 

All in all, cannot *wait* to see where they take ellick the rest of the season. Emily hyped this ep and man, she did NOT disappoint. Let’s see that shift that is going to ripple for the rest of the season now like Wilmer promised 🤞🏼

Oh and my only side note because this was insanely insanely long and if you’re still reading I’m proud of you for hanging in there with me & my screams into the void, send me an ask screaming back it’s ok I’ll love you for it—waaaas the whole team poking fun at Torres for using the word notable was downright hilarious. That and Gibbs trying to do everything himself, I can’t. Comedic gold. I love. I would go from dying of laughter to intense emotions so fast in this ep I got whiplash and for that, I am thankful to Gina. She always delivers 🔥

[notnctu]

content creator year in review

okay.. i know its not 2020 anymore and im doing this super late BUT i was tagged by @neonun-au / @tyonfs/ @sehunniepotwrites (three people i love sm! ty for tagging me as ur fav content creator i cry) that i couldnt help but wish to do this hehehe its only 4 days in 2021 ok a y

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: my first creation was pink - jaehyun for my 127 color series after not writing for almost 2 years! and i thought my moodboards were so darn cute HAHAHA my most recent creation of 2020 is when the snow falls - jaehyun for the taste of winter collab and my most recent creation in general is push & pull - doyoung 

one of your favorite creations from 2020: i actually dont look back on my works very often but one of my favs is nct by the hour i will never stop bitching abt it lol

a creation you’re really proud of: yall never hear the end of this one too and i will not stop promoting it until i write something better than this: just a star - jaemin . this 14.8k is the longest fic ive ever written in the span of 5 days and its a true testament of my storytelling and narration. its a big angsty fic, but i reread this one recently and i was mindblown by my own choice of words haha 

a new style you tried this year and a gifset/fic that uses it : it pains me to write pwp.... no lie, i love reading pwp but writing it forces me to forfeit any narration of emotions but... also.. my favs are hotties and they deserved a hot series: housemating series

a creation that took you forever: ahhh haha backseat chronicles - jaemin took me TWO months to write bc i wrote the first scene and just never wanted to continue it until i sat myself down and was like... i must finish this

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: my first nct smut ... ever and smut after 2 year writing hiatus ... through the lens - jeno ! thank you for 2.2k notes!! i still cant believe how it managed to blow up :’) 

a creation you think deserved more notes: *ahem* nct by the hour *ahem* and *ahem* 127 as cliche quotes *ahem* THESE R FLUFF HEADCANONS LIKE WHASLDJKFG

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: this whole blog lol

a creation you made that breaks your heart: ofc ... just a star - jaemin which i actually sobbed while writing for and when the snow falls - jaehyun i write nothing but sfw angst fics sigh

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: i have 2 timestamps that have my heart hehe this one was my first ever timestamp 2:37 AM - doyoung ft. bestie johnjae and 6:04 AM - taeyong 

a creation that was inspired by another one: nct by the hour was inspired by nct as types of boys by @okmica ! a super sweet and quick read, everything about it makes my heart so warm 

a favorite creation created by someone else: ive already done a 2020 hall of fame in my wrap up post but two amazing fics that i will never shut up or stop promoting ... like ever: 

lights, camera, f*ck you - haechan by @neocitybynight

pride - haechan by @misfitneo

both are long sfw fics (sunny’s is optional smut) so enjoy babies!! 

some of your favorite content creators from the year: i love you all sm and hope you never stop fueling the talent you have !! im tagging ppl who just pop into my head, writers & gif makers that i constantly reblog from (im so sorry), but regardless, i love everyone who contributes to the nctblr community!!! 

@slightlymore @sunhyuck @mjlkau @prettyjaems @doiedreams @neovisioned @hyucksie @du0tine @dearyongs @sehunniepotwrites @nctsworld @dearlyminhyung @kdongyoung @dongsichengs @neocitybynight

im tagging everyone above (if u want to do it hehe & if youve done it, u can just ignore it) and just anyone who wants to do it.... even if 2020 is over ... its never too late to appreciate your own works and dedication :)