#spiraling really really bad and uhh

[guayabana]

elden ring attracting so much attention from audiences that usually wouldn't touch a fromsoft game has been so annoying when it comes to discussions about its story.

like maybe ironic considering grrm was involved in the writing this time, but the response to elden ring & specifically SOTE feels very similar to what happened with game of thrones, where the story is pretty explicitly about the dangers & violence & cruelty inherent in certain systems of power, and 95% of the audience response is to look at that & be like "wow i hope my fave character gets to be the good ruler who fixes everything because they're so cool & nice :D"

[comicaurora]

So uhh. If you feel like talking about it. As someone who lives in the US, how are you being kind to yourself on this upsetting morning <3

Checked in with my loved ones first and foremost.

It's interesting. The vibe I've been getting from my circle is very different from 2016. Much less… dread and horror at a realignment of the understanding of what can and can't happen here, now, in this place and day and age. More "fuck, guys. again? whatever. enjoy your consequences, maybe you'll manage to learn something this time."

Frustration and anger is not the most positive feeling, or even the most fair one to express, but it is a protective one. It hurts a lot less than most alternatives.

And it's quite a shift. It was earthshattering back then. How could this have been allowed to happen? Why couldn't it be stopped? Why couldn't we stop it? Why couldn't I stop it? Why couldn't everyone see what this meant? Why couldn't I make them understand? Did they really not care? What did that mean about humanity as a whole? Were we so thoughtless? How could anyone be trusted?

It seems… much less earthshattering to see it happen twice. Disappointing, sure. Frustrating. But nowhere near as devastating as the first time I saw it unfold. We already knew it could happen. I've already had time to digest the implications. Now I'm just freshly disappointed.

It also feels less indicative of Crushing Truths Of Reality this time. We've seen shit get bad. We've also seen shit get better from here! We know both outcomes are possible, even inevitable. We know hoping for a better future is always worthwhile. This isn't the apocalypse. It's an unremarkably bad turn of events brought on by unremarkably self-centered well-documented human impulses. It's utterly mundane in its unpleasantness. It doesn't need to be dignified with despair.

A democratic election, no matter the outcome or the side we're on, makes us all acutely aware of how outnumbered we are by people whose worldviews and priorities are demonstrably incomprehensible to us. And the first time you get outnumbered, it's a shock. Defeat is haunting. It didn't matter how badly you wanted it; by the very function of democracy, you do not have the power to override greater numbers. (insert electoral college caveat here)

The second time through, I find myself focusing on a different facet that has dramatically reduced the amount of spiralling I'm doing. I don't expect this to work for everyone, but for me specifically, it helped to crystallize a few thoughts:

You don't have the power to control anyone else. You don't. You can't share your worldview and your revelations with them. You can't make them think or understand anything. You can lay it all out for them, but you can't make them listen, and you can't make it click. A mentor can't make their student learn a lesson; that's why teaching is so complicated and hard. An active choice must be made by the person to enable themselves to understand, and they must put the pieces together in their own mind before it makes sense to them, and the pieces must have been presented in a way that makes sense to them in the first place. Lead a horse to water, can't make them drink.

These elections highlight a disconnect in what different groups of people care about; and no matter how clearly you explain yourself or how passionately you perform, caring cannot be forced on someone. Understanding and connection cannot be forced. You cannot make anything or anyone matter to someone. They have to choose to see how it matters in order to internalize it. If they choose not to, that is not your failing. You couldn't have made them do it by just Explaining Better. They are not your responsibility. They make their own choices. You can't reach inside their head and connect the dots for them.

I'm a storyteller. I make stories and put them out into the world. I hope people get something good out of them, but I have no control over what that something is. I want people to be thoughtful and kind and compassionate and hopeful and see themselves reflected in stranges, no matter their differences. I can craft stories that I hope encourage this. But that is the extent of my ability and the extent of my responsibility. I control no-one's actions but my own, and so while I am not having the best day, I am at least content that I am doing what I can, and I am not shattering myself against impossibilities trying to control the things I can't.

Sometimes, people make decisions that I think are really bad. I can't make that not happen. All I can do is try to make decisions that will result in things I think are good. Today, that means checking in on people, and not assigning too much dramatic narrative weight to an ultimately mundane set of unremarkable bad decisions outside of my control. We'll take life as it comes and help each other out when and how we can. Everything else is out of our hands.

[queenie-ofthe-void]

A Florist's Least Favorite Holiday

Steddie || wc: 1.7k || rating: T || tags: fluff, this is a real thing that happened to me so I wrote about it

Valentine’s day is fucking awful. It’s the worst day of the year, and this year’s no different than the last five Valentine’s days Eddie’s worked in the floral shop.

Eddie’s stripped the thorns from over a thousand roses in the past two weeks, sorting them into buckets by color. The best part about his job is usually bringing a design to life, picking the perfect flowers to create an arrangement like a work of art. Yet somehow, Valentine’s day manages to suck the life out of that too, with little to no creativity between each one-dozen red roses arranged in a fake crystal vase.

Prepping over a month in advance, Eddie has taken almost four hundred orders for pick-up and delivery for the tiny, backwater town of Hawkins. They’re a small shop, with only himself, Chrissy, and Vickie as permanent workers. Thankfully, this year they were able to hire some temporary helpers to blow up balloons, make candy baskets, and take deliveries. Even with the help, that still leaves everything else to the three of them.

Regardless, he’s busting his ass. The newbies have left for both rounds of morning deliveries and the first round of afternoons. Chrissy’s working the counter while Vickie fields complaints. This leaves Eddie to wander the floor, helping confused husbands and boyfriends find the right pick for their spouses.

Working with customers to find something they’re happy with isn’t so bad. He likes guiding them towards answers to questions they didn’t think to ask. Like what their spouse wears, how their home is decorated, what their favorite color is. Every detail helps, and Eddie is, quite genuinely, always happy to help someone who asks– nicely.

He’s on his way back to the counter with an empty bucket in his arms when he spots a guy holding a few roses. Eddie watches, momentarily transfixed, as the man sticks his tongue out in concentration, swiping it over his lower lip. His brow’s furrowed, glancing back and forth between the single-stem lavender and pink roses in the display case in front of him. 

Eddie can’t blame the guy, honestly. There’s over twenty different colored roses to choose from this year. Chrissy really went above and beyond to haggle with their suppliers. They’ve got the best of the best, truly something to brag about. 

He sets the bucket down underneath a display table so it’s out of the way as he heads over to help. Eddie must catch his attention.

Bright lights from the display case reflect the light hazel tone to his russet colored eyes and shines golden against his softly styled brown hair. A fine dusting of moles across his face and neck perfectly complement his tanned skin.

The prettiest thing in a shop full of pretty things. A goddamn angel.

Except he’s wearing high-top Nike sneakers like the jocks used to wear, along with tight acid-washed jeans, and a grey Members Only jacket. The guy screams straight, ex-jock, fuck boy, even more evident by the two separate roses in his hand as he eyes up a third. 

Still, he’s a customer in need. And Eddie is nothing if not a humble servant.

“Can I help you find something?” Eddie asks, only slightly more casual and flirty than his typical customer service voice. 

The man’s lips part into a soft ‘oh’ as he stands and stares at him. Eddie quickly glances down at himself, scanning for stray stems or petals hanging from his apron. There’s nothing there, at least nothing worth gawking at. Maybe he’s got something in his teeth? Shit, he should’ve checked first.

“Uhh–,” the man says, intelligently, interrupting Eddie’s own internal spiral– “I was just looking at, you know.” He gestures to the buckets of roses without taking his eyes off Eddie. “I need one more, and can’t decide on a color.”

“Three roses, huh?” Eddie says, the joke rolling off the tip of his tongue before his mortified brain can prune it, “One for each girlfriend, that’s sweet of you.”

Fucking Christ. He wishes he’d kept the bucket of water to drown himself in, like this day can get any worse.

This beautiful, angel of a man scoffs at the unbecoming joke and yeah, Eddie can’t blame him. For someone who not only prides himself on his customer service skills, but also his charm, this is a royally large fuck up.

The man grabs the lavender rose, holding it out to Eddie along with the two other pink and white ones already in his hand. “This is for my best friend. This one–” he holds out the pink– “is for my adopted sister.”

“Oh,” Eddie says, before the guy cuts him off.

“And this one–” he shows off the white rose– “is for my Gran. I’m stopping by the cemetery on my way home and thought she’d like it.”

Forget drowning in a bucket of leaf water, Eddie deserves to be crushed under the weight of a million roses, thorns tearing him into tiny little pieces. 

“Right,” Eddie huffs, annoyed with himself. He scrubs his hands roughly over his face, like he can erase the embarrassed flush burning up his neck to the tips of his ears. “I’m so sorry, man. I have no idea why I said that. It’s just–” Eddie waves his hand around the store– “it’s been a long day, and sometimes I think I’m funny when I’m really, really not. I’m not normally this awkward, and I’m typically much better at my job.”

At this, the guy smirks, like watching Eddie squirm is entertaining. It’s the least he can do, if his misery makes the man feel better. He eyes Eddie up and down, so slowly that Eddie feels like his skin's on fire. Probably the display lights... they can really heat up some days.

“Can you ring me up?”

Eddie nods, thankful how quickly he seems to let the entire confrontation go. They make their way to the counter, Chrissy eyeing him as he asks her to switch for a second. She eyes the customer and nudges Eddie, where he notices a playful smirk on her face. Jesus, she’s nosey. He only rolls his eyes as she walks off.

Doing his best to avoid eye contact, Eddie focuses solely on wrapping up the flowers in the pretty, heart-printed paper they bought specifically for the day, and ties a matching colored bow to each package.

He feels the unrelenting urge to fix this, unsure why it matters so much to him. This guy most likely won’t even be back until next year, just like the rest of the customers he’s helped today. Eddie shouldn’t treat this one customer any different because he’s cute.

And yet.

“I actually think you’re really sweet!” Eddie blurts, thrusting the packaged roses into the guy’s waiting arms. “Shit, I meant it’s sweet you’re buying them gifts. I didn’t mean you’re sweet. Not that you’re not sweet, I mean– goddamnit.” 

He’s smiling at Eddie, like this is all an adorable spectacle and not the worst experience of every Valentine’s day Eddie’s ever had. God, that fucking smile makes Eddie’s insides melt.

“Really?” His voice is playful, if yet a little shy. Eddie buys into it, of course he does, desperate to make up for his flailing. 

“Yeah, definitely sweet– adorable, even. Positively charming.” Eddie’s on better footing now, watching a rosy blush bloom underneath tanned freckles. There’s a line of customers grumbling about the wait, but Eddie doesn’t care, not so long as he gets to keep staring at the ray of sunshine smiling back at him.

His smile turns coy as he locks eyes with Eddie and says “I’m single, you know."

Eddie can’t think to respond over the roaring static in his ears, brain going into full shut-down mode. Did he just–

“What?” And Eddie’s back to being a total buffoon.

It must be cute though, because the guy laughs as he leans forward to grab one of the shop’s business cards next to the register. He writes something on it, then hands it back to Eddie who flips it around in his hands to read it.

Call me, and thanks for your help.

♥️ Steve

There’s a phone number listed below the man’s– Steve’s– name. An actual, honest to god phone number. From a man who looks like he could work in Hollywood for a living. 

Eddie can feel his own face splitting in two with how hard he’s smiling. He reads the simple note once, twice, three times before he remembers where he is and who’s still standing in front of him.

Steve looks hopeful, eyes flitting between Eddie and the note as he fiddles with the bow on one of the packaged roses. 

“Yes,” Eddie practically shouts, glee saturating his tone. “I’ll definitely call you tonight. Well–” Eddie glances around the shop, spotting the scattered empty buckets, piles of dead leaves on the ground, and the stack of unprocessed delivery tickets– “maybe I’ll call you tomorrow.”

And Steve nods, like it’s that easy, and shyly answers, “Can’t wait,” before heading out the door, sending a dorky little wave over his shoulder as he goes.

Somehow, Eddie manages to recover enough of his higher brain power to work the rest of the day. He falls back into routine: boxing vases, filing orders, dumping rotten plant water, scrubbing buckets, and organizing the back cooler. It’s almost midnight by the time he gets home, slightly earlier than he expected.

His feet ache like they always do, and he’s so emotionally drained that Eddie thinks he could go the rest of his life without talking to another customer ever again. Except he thinks, fiddling with Steve’s note, maybe there’s one customer he'd talk to again.

Tomorrow, though. Definitely tomorrow.

divider kudos <3

[bluerosefox]

Ghost Marriage Allows More Than One!

Tim wakes up in a hotel room in Vegas snuggled against a chest but he wasn't surprised.

He had been in the Sin City for a WE meeting and had brought Bernard along the trip since Tim's birthday was just shy a few days into it and well he wanted to spend time with his boyfriend since most of his family were off world (Dick, Jason, and Bruce all had important missions and they all apologized for missing out and Tim couldn't blame them he understood and he himself couldn't get out of the Vegas meetings no matter what he tried to do.) Or couldn't come to join him (Damian had school as did Duke and Alfred was taking care of them while the others were gone. Steph and Cass were out of country working with some important things with Babs and again he understood.) (Did it still sting yes but they all promised to make it up when they got back, Alfred even promised a coffee cake just for him)

So yeah, Vegas meeting trip turned somewhat birthday fun with his boyfriend. And since Bernard has always been good with encouraging Tim to try things it came to no surprise that during their stay he had managed to convince Tim to try drinking for the night.

Yes terrible influence Bernard was sometimes, but he did make a point. Tim was an adult now and sometimes it's okay to at least try adult dumb stuff, he didn't have to like it and could stop if he really didnt want to but he can at least say he tried it once. That it was okay for Tim to let go of his vigilante brain and just have fun in the one city that was made for it.

So try Tim did. Just for the night.

So yeah, Tim wasn't really surprised when he woke up the next morning, alcohol aftertaste on his breath, head pounding, nose scrunched up from the light of the sun peeking in from the curtains, and snuggling himself into a rather chilly chest...

Wait...

Chilly?

Tim opened his eyes when he realized that. Bernard never felt cold to Tim when they would snuggle, no he was always warm, like a warm heating blanket. It was why Tim loved snuggling him. Why was he-

Tim's eyes widened when he saw not blonde hair on the body in the bed with him but black hair. He almost flung himself off the bed from him startling awake and watched the one he had been snuggled next to mumble in his sleep and turn over.

Tim felt pure dread as he continued to stare, his stomach turning as his thoughts got bad, oh god..God... did he... oh no, no, no no. Oh where was Bernard- FUCK did he really-

Tim flinched when he heard a door open and snapped his eyes towards it. He felt his mouth go dry when he spotted his boyfriend coming out of what was the bathroom of the room and had just finished taking a shower from the sounds of left over dripping water and from the towel he was using to clean his hair.

Bernard stopped in his spot when he noticed Tim staring at him before he gave Tim a very uneasy chuckle, his eyes darting towards the sleeping body on the bed "H-Hey, good morning T. I see you... uhh seen our guest."

Tim felt ready to cry, to beg for forgiveness, but the only sound that came out was a strangled sound because of course he fucked up and ruined one of the best things that ever happened to him and-

But before he could spiral further into his anxiety and dread Bernard kept speaking.

"So ummm. Do you also remember meeting Danny at the bar, getting really tipsy, hanging out, having fun and then like going to a ghost bar with him so he could really drunk because he's like half ghost. And I mean like a legit ghost bar, like we saw Elvis and Marilyn Monroe there and they were like floating. Then we all got like super mega drunk and then... maybe kinda sorta got ghost married... because ghost marriage allows unlimited spouses cause you know, already dead doesn't matter and it's also almost permanent cause again the whole dead thing... Or did I hallucinate all that last night and we just brought in a random stranger to bed?" He asked his voice unsure as he looked between Tim and the stranger Danny in bed before lifting his hand up and showing Tim a glowing ring on it. "I'm pretty sure I didn't dream it up because I kinda woke up with this, and it refuses to come off."

Tim went silent for a moment, wide eyed as he stared back at Bernard before the pounding headache he had hit him harder than ever when the very memories of everything Bernard had said came flooding back to him. With a gasp Tim quickly looked st his own hand and sure enough on his finger was a matching glowing wedding band on it, his eyes snapped towards Danny... Danny Nightingale? Or was it Phantom? said his name was and spotted another matching one as well.

"B is going to kill us." Was the only thing Tim could muster up to say.

[devicecontact]

Buhh uhh relationship chart thing. Lots more in depth under the cut. All subject to change but this is how it is rn. Their main post for more context here

SB’S VIEW OF OTHERS

SB is much more critical of other dissenters than they are of normal grunts, so they approach characters like doc, deimos, and other fellows with more judgment than they do to Sanford n such

DOC: They respect how good of a leader he is to SQ. While they don’t really care about the goals of SQ and just want a place to stay and a job to do, they respect the work doc puts into it and how managed it is. SB came from the most poorly managed aahw facility ever, so this is an incredibly appreciated aspect of SQ and doc. They respect the grind pretty much. Doc being a dissenter that got his shit figured out is another thing that SB thinks is commendable. But once they learn about Hank somtimes working with SQ, they get very upset with doc and feel almost betrayed. Especially when they aren’t even told why Hank works with them. They act all pissy and silent treatmenty towards doc for awhile untill they are given their ultimatum to either act normal about Hank or Leave SQ, and they react like a kicked puppy. It does not feel good to have one of the few guys you respect to be upset with you, but they are still very unhappy and mad about the Hank ordeal. They get all quiet and suck uppy for a brief moment because they feel bad. Things do go back to normal pleasent terms eventually, but it takes awhile.

SANFORD: Sanford isn’t a dissenter so SB feels no sense of camaraderie or tension with Sanford. They just know that he does missions well and dosent have any mistakes come back on mission report documents. They think of him pretty neutrally, but would vouch for the guy in a postive manner if they had to.

DEIMOS: ooo someone’s a little jealous ooo. But only a little. SB views deimos like a guy that is carefree, has a life set up well, and has a good buddy to go along with (Sanford). Compared to SBs situation it feels like Deimos got the Good Ending to being a dissenter. SB dosent hate Deimos for this because he seems like an alright guy that does his work well, but they do feel a bit of envy. It’s contradictory of SB to see Deimos as a dissenter with his life more in order than him and feel jealous, but to see Doc in a similar position and feel respect for him. He never realizes this.

HANK: AM hate speech etc etc. SB really really hates Hank. Well, they at least think they really hate Hank. They can’t tell if their hate of Hank is real or not and that frustration alone makes them project even more anger towards them. Ontop of the preprogrammed aahw feelings towards Hank that SB has, they also just project all their lives gripes and poor experiences onto him too. Their bad dissenting experince? Wouldn’t have happened if Hank wasn’t around to make the agency exist. The awful conflicting emotions they feel and how it’s tanking their rapport with SQ? Wouldn’t haven’t happened if Hank didn’t work with SQ. Their dislike of Hank spirals far beyond just negative feelings towards another person, as it prominently eclipses with their struggles with their identity that they never properly addressed untill Hank appeared at SQ. It’s a convoluted mess that makes it incredibly hard to tell what part of how they feel is real or attributed what aspect of their life. After a longg time they just hate it a normal amount. (They can bear to stand in a room with it and they only side eye glare a little! No teeth clenching, fists balling, shaking etc. now! Improvement!)

————

HOW OTHERS VIEW SB

Interaction is sparse to none between SB and most of the cast so there isn’t much for them to go off of or care about. Doc is the only one to know them by name.

DOC: To Doc SB is a bit interesting due to their unique status of being a mish mash of soldat and engineer. They preform their job well in a unique way due to their faulty training, so it would be a loss to have to fire them. So when SB starts acting up and being a concern, Doc is annoyed with them and gives them the ultimatum hoping to smooth things out. SB appears to be losing their shit a over it but does seem to be at least trying to get better, so doc just pitties them a little. It’s frustrating for them to act this way, but it is an understandable situation. Beyond the occasional tip or check in, Doc just kinda shrugs and lets them work it out on their own. He’s pleased to see it’s fine in the end and just has a normal boss and employee thing with them.

SANFORD: SB is just a guy they see at HQ somtimes that acts kinda weird. He isn’t doing anything bad so shrug wheteva.

DEIMOS: Deimos sometimes notices them staring at him and then they awkwardly pretended like they weren’t. He has no real opinion on the guy but they look a little funny so that’s something.

HANK: They aren’t even aware of SB. Even if he did know about SB and his hatred, it wouldn’t care at all. This is the most one sided relationship possible.

guys it’s okay!

[azucar-skull]

Just You And Me

(written for @tmnt-write-fight for @remedyturtles)

Fandom: Rise of the TMNT (Post movie)

Prompt: Autistic Donnie!!! Literally anything for autistic Donnie. Sensory overload, deep pressure hugs, food issues, the works.

Word Count: 3785

Posted on AO3 too!

-------------------------------------

A fun day at the beach. This was meant to be a fun day at the beach. A moment for the team to get away from the hustle of New York and enjoy a nice day out on a secluded beach where the turtles didn’t have to worry about any stray humans spotting them.

April, Cass, and Sunita were teaching Casey Jr the ropes of volleyball. Mikey was busy burying Raph in the sand and making him a mermaid tail. And Leo was heading out to catch some waves with an abandoned surfboard he found.

Donnie spent a good chunk of the time sitting in the umbrella shade. But the sand is now kicking onto his towel and just…ugh. Donnie is not a fan of sand. It gets everywhere and is a pain in the ass to get rid of. Besides, he’s supposed to be hanging out with his brothers, he promised them that much. The softshell spent the majority of his time in his lab, working endlessly day in and day out. He tried to say no to a beach day but his brothers weren’t having it. So…sigh…

The water seems nice. It is pretty hot out. And being an aquatic turtle, Donnie has no dispute about it. Plus it’d be funny to go underwater and prank Leo by knocking him off his surfboard. 

Alright, swimming it is, Donnie thought. He got up from his towel and headed down to the shores. He winces at the loud screech of April’s cheering, looking over to see that Casey Jr had punted the volleyball way out of bounds. The teen looks nervous and apologetic as the ball disappears into the aether, never to be seen again. But the girls all swarm him with hugs and cheers. They are being quite loud about it though.

Crunch.

Donnie stumbles back as he notices the strip of seashells lining the shores. He’s stepping on a few and it pokes the bare soles of his feet, eugh. The softshell carefully tries to maneuver around them—

“HEY DEE!!!”, Mikey bellows from down the shore, carrying a plastic red pail full of shells. “Can you grab me that white shell next to you?”

White shell? Sure. White shell, white shell… Donnie glances down and around him.

There are several white shells…

“W-Which one?!”, Donnie hollers back.

“Right next to your foot!”

His foot? Where?? Which foot?!?!?!

“...What????”

Mikey huffs a sigh. “Nevermind, I got it.”, he calls out, bounding his way over to his purple-clad brother. Mikey reaches behind Donnie and picks up the large white spiraling shell he almost stepped on. “I was talking about this one.”

“O-Oh, I see. My bad, I didn’t—”

“No, no, you’re good! I should’ve been more specific. Plus it was behind you.”, Mikey wavers his hand and offers a reassuring smile. “You having fun so far?”

“Uhh…yup!”, it’s not a total lie. But Donnie hasn’t done dick diddly since they got here.

“Cool! Wanna help me decorate Raph’s mermaid tail?”

Help decorate…but Don’s plan was to go in the water with Leo. But. Mikey’s asking for him and Donnie really doesn’t want to let his brothers down so…

“Okay.”, he nods. He could go swimming later anyways. This is okay. Just a little change. Not a big deal.

Don’t make it a big deal. It’s not. It’s literally just a change of plans.

Donnie follows Mikey over to where Raph is patiently waiting with his legs buried under a mound of sand that’s been sculpted into a rather impressive looking mermaid tail. Always leave it to the artist of the group to wow the others with his craftsmanship.

“I’m back! And I brought some help!”, Mikey beams, placing the now heavy bucket of shells down beside the snapper.

“Awesome! I’m going to be the coolest mermaid out there!”, Raph flashes a toothy grin at his brothers.

Donnie sits himself on Raph’s other side and simply follows Mikey’s direction in sorting all the shells into groups based on size, color, and general pattern. Bit by bit, they press the shells into the sand sculpture. While Mikey works the scales, Donnie presses large shell flakes into the fins. But he ends up pressing a bit too hard and the sand begins to topple over. The corner of the fin breaks apart, causing Raph’s foot to stick out.

“Oh crap! My bad, Raph, I didn’t mean to!”, Donnie winces at his mistake before snapping his head at the snapper.

Raph lets out a dramatic gasp, “My mermaid tail!! Oh no, the spell is wearing off! I’m turning back into a human—err…—turtle…”, Raph cries out. “My life is simply ruined! How could you betray me like this? My dearest brother?!” The alligator snapping turtle presses the back of his hand against his forehead as he flops back on his shell.

Oh shit. Shit! Raph’s mad at him. Of course he would be. How could Donnie make such a mistake? Sand is delicate and now Raph is—

Mikey’s laugh breaks through. “Alright, alright. Quit joking around, Raph. I’ll fix it. Just hold still again, would ya?”

Raph was…joking? He was joking. Oh. Right. Of course he was joking. Duh. How could Donnie think Raph was mad? It’s just sand. It’s an easy fix too. Raph was just having fun with him. Why couldn’t Donnie see that??

Mikey hums to himself as he scoops up the sand and pats it back in place again. Donnie wants to try and help some more but now he’s worried that he’ll just fuck it all up again. He clenches and unclenches his hands, hesitant to make a choice.

“Boys! Lunch time!”, April calls out to them.

“What?! Now?! But my mermaid tail!”, Raph whines.

“We can camp next to you then, Raph.”, April rolls her eyes fondly.

“Phew.”, Raph sighs, wiping his brow. He glances up ahead at Leo on his board. “Hey, Donnie, could you go grab Leo and tell him it’s time for lunch?”

“Yes!”, Donnie answers immediately, quickly standing up and a bit too eager to finally be helpful again. “U-uhm I mean, yeah. Sure thing. No probbles.”

Donnie hurries his way down to the shore, now mindful of the shells. He brisks the waterline to get in earshot of the slider before cupping his hands around his mouth.

“LEO! LUNCH!”, he shouts.

Leo can’t seem to hear him. Laughing to himself as he ducks under a wave, grazing the water with his palm. He looks so…joyful. At ease. It’s been a while since Donnie’s seen that. But…a growing turtle needs his food. Donnie huffs in annoyance and begins padding into the water, going deeper and deeper as the cold ocean water soaks the rims of his board shorts.

“Leo!”, Donnie tries again. “LEO!!!”

Still nothing. Guess Donnie finally gets to swim after all. He lurches forward before diving in. The refreshing cold water washes over him as the softshell blinks through the murky ocean and begins to swim after his twin. He sees where the water surface bobs and waves up ahead, where Leo is surfing. He just needs to get close enough for Leo to hear him.

He swims, no worry for his breath which he can hold for a good couple of hours if he wants. The water was hard to see through, unlike a swimming pool, but as long as Donnie focuses on the reflective rays of sunlight above, he could pinpoint where—

Something grabs his leg.

Something slimy, grainy, enrapturing around his leg. Tugging, pulling, yanking. Donnie yelps a muffled scream which takes all the air out with it, trying to kick away but it grabs hold of his other leg. Tugging and tugging and Donnie is kicking and kicking trying to break free but he can’t because the Kraangisyankinghimoutoftheslimyickyviolatingcontrolpanelsofthespaceship—

Suddenly, arms are pulling Donnie out of the water and he desperately gasps for air.

“You’re good, you’re good. I gotcha, Dontron.”, Leo assures as he pulls Donne up close for him to latch on to the surfboard. “What were you even doing down there?”

Donnie holds onto the back end of the board for dear life as he catches his breath. He blinks. Twice. Glancing around and registering that the slimy icky seaweed vines are no longer there. Because of course it was just seaweed. He knew that. He did.

“...What?”, Donnie asks dumbfoundedly, not registering Leo’s question.

“I said what were you doing?”, Leo raises a brow.

Donnie huffs in annoyance once again. “I was coming to get you for lunch time but then some seaweed grabbed me and…and I thought it was…something else.”

“Ugh! I hate that feeling!”, Leo scoffs, reeling his head back. “Every time that happens, I think it’s a stingray and I get all worked up about it.” The slider then scoots forward and pats the back of his surfboard. “Well come on then, let’s head back. I’m starving.”

Donnie graciously obliges, climbing up on the board and balancing himself on the center line. Leo glances behind him really quick but takes note of Donnie’s hands.

“Uhh…you might wanna grab on.”, he suggests.

Oh right, of course. Donne nods, scooting forward and gripping the edges of the surfboard but careful to not get too close to Leo. He’s still reeling from the icky seaweed just now. Leo cocks a brow before slowly turning his head back around.

“Oookay, that works. Let’s go.”

Leo paddles the two towards the shore, aiming for the wave that’s starting to form. Donnie fears for it to be a big one but the wave is simply tugged a bit out of the water, giving the board a gentle push that glides them back to the shore. Thank pizza supreme. He quickly gets off the second the ground is within leg range and pads out of the water with Leo to join up with the others.

The rest of the fam is setting up their picnic spot but the glorious snapper-mermaid as they start distributing sandwiches out from the cooler they brought. Leo and Donnie take a seat beside them all and that’s when Donnie is reminded of…sand.

The sand sticks to him like glue after his impromptu swim and near-drowning experience, getting stuck between his toes and grinding up against his scaly skin and—

“Here ya go, Donnie!”, April grins, passing him his sandwich.

Donnie accepts the offering, now distracted by just how hungry he is. He is most grateful that April and Mikey have packed sandwiches and chip bags for everyone. He opens up the plastic baggie and from the smell alone, he could tell it is a tuna salad sandwich. It sounds delightful. Donnie feels his tongue begin to salivate as he takes a big bite. Ah, finally, something nice. He chews on the bite, reminiscing in the delicious homemade flavors of the sandwich that Mikey made. He starts to feel a bit better too. He must’ve just been hangry this whole time—

CRONCH.

Donnie bit into something hard, hard like a rock. The texture is a startling difference from the softness of the sandwich and it throws the softshell off balance. Not wanting to spit it out in front of everyone, he crunches through the odd texture and gulps the bite down. He peaks into his sandwich to find a culprit but nothing is seen. He’s lost his appetite anyway, putting the rest back into the baggie and opting to thrive off of the potato chips for the time being.

The others are engaged in a lively conversation about how much of a fast learner Casey Jr is at volleyball. Donnie knows he should join in, they all urged him to come along on their beach day so he should be participating. But—

“Not eating your sandwich, Dee?”, Leo asks, though not unkindly.

Suddenly, eyes are on him. Donnie tries to glance up but the stares bore into him like heat lasers and he can’t bring himself to look back. Donnie shrugs through the embarrassment.

“Had a funny texture.”, he mumbles. “I-It tastes great though, Angelo. Really.”

“I believe ya, Don.”, Mikey smiles. At least…Donnie could hear the smile. “Sorry the texture’s off.”

“Well here, you still need something…”, Leo adds. He peels away at his sandwich, separating the bread from everything else and holding the tuna salad parts in his other hand. He hands the bread to his twin. “Here, you can have this. Bread is good, right?”

“O-oh, no. You don’t have to do that.”, Donnie shakes his hand at the offering.

“It’s fine, I prefer the salad straight up anyways.”, Leo assures. “Come on, don’t let this bread go to waste.”

“I…okay.”

Donnie takes the bread slides, munching away at them as the conversation picks up where it left off. The bread has the delicious tuna flavor to it though so at least that’s good. But Donnie still feels bad for being so picky about things. He doesn’t mind tuna. So why is this bothering him now?

“It is settled then!”, Cass’s loud voice breaks through the conversation. “All of us shall compete in a game of volleyball!”

“Aw, yeah! I’m in!”, April nods.

“Sounds great!”, Mikey beams.

“But…my mermaid tail…”, Raph whines.

“FUCK YOUR MERMAID TAIL!”, Cass shouts as she stands up and kicks over the beautifully and carefully crafted mermaid tail that Mikey put his blood, sweat, and tears into. “EVERYONE TO THE NET!”

The rest of the gang bound for the net as Raph mourns the tragic loss of his beloved mermaid tail before catching up with the rest of them. They split into two teams. Leo, Donnie, April, and Sunita on one team. And Raph, Mikey, Casey Jr, and Cass on the other team. Donnie opts to be the back end guy, away from the action where people could crash into each other and start screaming their heads off.

The game begins, April serves (and slays) the ball into the air and the tension begins. A point to Donnie’s team, then a point to the other team. The ball aims at Donnie’s direction a few times, but he stammers to hit back whenever Leo steps in a bit. He’s doing it to be ready to help but knowing Leo’s “No, no, I got this one.” attitude that almost cost them an entire apocalypse, Donnie is rendered hesitant. After a couple serves, Leo catches on and instead sends Donnie a reassuring nod when the ball comes his way again. The softshell does pretty well for the most part. Not too much action but enough that he’s helpful. He likes to be helpful. 

The ball is served again, a tie breaker now, and it hits into the other team’s side. Casey Jr quickly steps into the ball's line of flight, jumping high up in the air and smacking the ball across the net with such force that it slams into Donnie’s team’s side in an easy point hit. But the ball quickly rebounds and bounces up towards Donnie at lightning speed and before Donnie could even register it’s trajectory—

WHAM!

Donnie is knocked off his feet as the ball hits him square in the chin and makes the softshell bite his own tongue. He falls back against the grainy sand. And suddenly everything Donnie’s been trying to keep down all day suddenly snaps. He quickly sits up, tucking his head down as he is suddenly made aware of every little thing around him. The sun is too bright, everyone’s concerned shouting is too loud, his jaw and chin hurt, he’s still hungry because bread and chips is not a lunch meal, there’s fucking sand everywhere and it’s all just…too much.

A high-pitched whine escapes his throat through clenched teeth before Donnie is sucking in a large breath. He clutches his hands against his forehead and rocks himself in place. The sounds he’s making are not of his own volition but at least it has thankfully stopped the shouting. Donnie barely registers what everyone is saying but it doesn’t matter because they’re all focusing on him. Staring and boring their eyes into him so much that it hurts like heat vision rays determined to melt the flesh off his bones and all Donnie wants right now is to get away and maintain some of his fucking dignity.

“Deep breath, Tello. It’s just me right now. Just you and me. You and me.”, Leo’s voice hushes close by. “Deep breath. With me. In…and out. In…and out.”

Donnie tries to follow but his breathing comes in desperate gasps. He manages though. He tries.

“That’s good. You got it. You so got it.”

Donnie begs to fucking differ.

“Come here. You up for a hug?”

Donnie doesn’t even answer yet and there’s arms wrapped around him. They feel icky at first until they tighten, harder and harder. And now Donnie latches onto his twin like a lifeline. He doesn’t dare open his eyes, he can’t. Everything is just too much. But he holds on. It’s all he can do right now.

“There we go. You’re good. I got you.”

Leo shushes him calmly, still holding on as tightly as he dares until Donnie’s panicked rocking slows down. Donnie curls up as much as he can, wrecked with uncontrollable whines and sobs.

“There, there, mellizo. I’m here.”, Leo murmurs. “You wanna go home? Hm?”

A gentle suggestion. And honestly, Donnie would love nothing more than to get the fuck outta here. But…his brothers wanted him to be here. And if he leaves, they’ll want to leave too. He doesn’t want that.

“...I don’t want to ruin the fun.”, he whispers, barely audible, but Leo is holding him so close that he doesn’t have to be loud to be heard.

“You’re not ruining anything, I promise.”, Leo whispers back.

“I’d feel bad if they all want to leave too.”

“Hm…yeah, I get you. We can ask them to stay here, if you want. We could head back together, just you and me.

“...Just you and me…”

“You got it.” Leo shifts, craning his neck up at the others. “We’re gonna head back to base, you guys carry on though!”

Raph hums in concern. “Are ya sure? Raph don’t mind—”

“Yes, we’re sure. Go on. Continue the game without us. Mikey, switch with our team. Avenge our honor.”

“Uhm…sure!”, Mikey replies. “If that’s what Donnie wants.”

A pause, and Donnie realizes they want him to say something. But he could only muster a subtle nod.

“Dee would be honored to have you take his spot.”, Leo assures. “We’ll take my portals back so just give me a call when you’re done and I can teleport you all back.”

“You be sure to give us a call too if you need anything, okay?”, April insists.

“Absolutely!”

Leo shifts to get up but Donnie still grabs onto him tightly. The slider makes no fuss though, hoisting Donnie up with him and guiding the two back to the shade where a blue shimmering light forms. Donnie is guided through the light until everything feels a comforting familiar. The softshell blinks his eyes open to see the dimly lit lair before them. It almost looks completely dark but that’s simply Donnie’s eyes adjusting to being out in the bright sunlight all day. Leo sets his swords aside and gives his twin a patient smile.

“Hey bud, how’s your chin? Does it hurt?”, he asks softly. And thank fuck for it, Donnie doesn’t think he can handle much more stimuli.

His chin doesn’t hurt anymore now though. So Donnie just shakes his head, not wanting to engage in eye contact right now.

“Hm…how about all that sand, huh?”

Now Leo’s speaking his language. Donnie subtly nods which prompts Leo to gently grab his hand and guide him down the hall.

“Let’s head to the bathroom then before we get sand everywhere.”

They head into the bathroom where Leo grabs some towels from the rack. He passes one to Donnie before shaking off his own sandy skin in turn. The sand, now drying off, flakes away with ease which Donnie is most grateful for. He takes extra care to pick away the sand stuck between his toes and fingers before yanking off his bandana when he discovers how much sand got stuck up in it. Once the twins are sand-free, Leo ushers him out of the bathroom.

“Come on, it’s hoodie time.”

They head down to their rooms where Donnie is more than agreeing to dress out into something more comfortable and dry. He puts on his usual shorts and his large oversized purple hoodie before stepping out and sees that Leo has done the same in a blue hoodie.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Are you kidding? I don’t want to keep wearing those damp sandy clothes anymore.”, Leo chuckles. “Come on, let’s pop on a movie. You pick. I’ll grab some snacks. Something more filling than bread, I bet.”

Call it twin instinct, but Donnie is glad that Leo is able to read his mind. He heads down to the TV room and shuffles through a few options before opting for his go-to Jupiter Jim comfort movie. Something mindless he can just focus on. As he settles on the couch, Leo comes back with a couple juice boxes and instant noodle cups. Donnie soaks up the minimal warmth of his ramen cup as Leo snuggles up next to him. Together, the two just sit in peaceful silence, enjoying their noodles and the movie. But something still stirs in Donnie’s gut.

“...I’m sorry.”, he murmurs.

“For what?”

“For not being as participating as I should’ve been today. You guys have been insisting I come along and I owe it to you after locking myself up in the lab for a long while. I tried to be more sociable but…it was all just too much.”

“Hey. We wanted you to tag along because you’re our brother and we wanted you to feel included.”, Leo presses. “You didn’t have to come with if you didn’t want to and even if you wanted, you still didn’t have to push yourself beyond your comfort zone. We would never want you to make yourself uncomfortable for us, Dee.”

“...Yeah…you’re right.”

“Well of course I am.”, Leo flaunts. “Who would you be without your genius twin?”

“Excuse you, that’s my line.”, Donnie smirks. “...I still like going to the beach. Just…not now. I guess.”

Leo wraps his arm around his brother. “Then we’ll head out again some other time. Just you and me.”

“Yeah…

“Just you and me.”

-------------------------------------

This was the longest attack I've made so far for write fight and tbh I am kinda bummed that it's a friendly fire one too so the points ain't that much BUT THE RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR HAS SPOKEN SO I DO NOT QUESTION THE RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR GODS!!!

Hope you like it, Rem! Consider it a fuck you and a thank you for writing firefight. (I still gotta catch up. Why does Donnie want to eat bananas--)

[gece-misin-nesin]

wait. so I dont know anything about genshin and idk if you'd even want to do this but feel free to tell me a sort of summary ig of your favorite character.. <- personally ive often thought about how crazy Jasons story is out of context so I thought this might be fun

Okay so, my genshin faves are complicated because of the sheer amount of characters. My no 1 is definitely Lumine, but she uhh. Has no concrete personality ingame, so I treat her more like an OC (not a self-insert. I want to highlight that, because I like Lumine best when she's as unhinged as possible)

However, out of everyone else...Scaramouche takes the cake, probably.

To explain him I need to explain Raiden Ei. She's the ruler of Inazuma and Goddess of Eternity, and after her twin sister dies, she spirals. She decides that she's going to make a puppet/robot to rule Inazuma in her stead and her own consciousness will be sealed in a sword. And she wants to put uer Gnosis in the pupet. A gnosis is like...an object that is the absolute symbol of a god's authority/power. They're pretty strong.

So, Ei creates her first puppet. It doesn't have a name, but it cries at night. So, Ei thinks the puppet doesn't have what it takes to hold the gnosis and leaves him somewhere in a (poor) attempt to give it 'freedom'.

This puppet is taken in by locals, esp a smithing family, and is named Kabukimono. The place they live, Tatarasuna is suffering a bit due to the fact that a god was slain there and that tends to have bad effects on nature and shit.

Anyway uhh things get really bad, Kabukimono asks for aid from the Shogunate (the government) bc he has an object from Ei which shows he's important. The help doesn't come. A foreign engineer comes and tries to help, and eventually tells Kabukimono that he has to take some object to the Mikage Furnace to fix the problem in Tatarasuna, and then it turns out Kabukimono's friends are like. All dead. And hos friend killed a servant (?), took their heart and gave it to that engineer to save Tatarasuna & I guess bc Kabukimono doesn't have a heart? Kabukimono is betrayed by this abject cruelty, and tears this heart up.

(He has a real complex abt not having a heart)

Then he comes across a sickly child and they take care of each other. They promise to never leave each other and well...the kid dies. Kabukimono, now Kunikuzushi, takes this as his third betrayal after his mother and his friend, and burns down his and the kid's house to kill himself and cremate the kid. It doesn't work. He is then recruited into the Fatui, a "diplomatic" organization of another country Snezhnaya. By diplomatic I mean they assassinate, bribe, blackmail, experiment, human traffick, all sorts of shit. Their goal is to gather the all 7 Gnoses. Kunikuzuhi becomes the 6th Harbinger of the Fatui, the higher ups basically, and starts going by Scaramouche, The Balladeer (he has lots of names. trans icon fr).

He murders all the prominent smithing families of Inazuma (I think 6?) but spares his friend's descendants.

ALL THIS is 400-500 centuries before the actual game.

In the present, he meets Lumine & co in a limited time event to kill her, but doesn't get the chance. He says "The stars..the sky. It's all a gigantic hoax" in a very important and vague lore reveal and fucks off.

In the main story, he's in Inazuma's main story. He's running a delusion (a weapon that harms its users) factory in inazuma, selling this shit to one of the sides in the current civil war. One of Lumine's friends is killed (he's an npc who has no screentime so no one really gives a fuck though). Lumine confronts him, loses (my pookie is underpowered in canon okay...her powers were stolen from her). Yae Miko appears and I just realized I forgot to explain her to you. She's a kitsunde and Raiden Ei's familiar. Back when Scaramouche was created she was all like 'kill it' about him to Ei and iirc she was the one he went to help for during Tatarasuna. Anyway, Miko trades Ei's gnosis for Lumine's life.

Scaramouche defects from the fatui because all he's wanted these centuries was to have a heart and become a god because he views this as his life's sole purpose and without it he has no value whatsoever ✌

He's then in the next chapter of the main story, not in Inazuma but in Sumeru! To explain sumeru here would be. A lot. But basically the government of sumeru imprisoned their god 500 years ago and now they're building a huge robot/mecha body for Scara to become a god. Scaramouche is working w Dottore (2nd Harbinger, the guy who recruited him and has been experimenting on him since he joined, probably). The Sages of the Akademiya (the government of sumeru) are doing all sorts of shit to get the amount of energy s ara's god body needs, which makes Nahida, their imprisoned god, pretty angry. God!Scaramouche is essentially the main antagonist of Sumeru's story, Lumine and Nahida fight him in the end. As Nahida takes the electro gnosis from him he says "Anything but the gnosis! I'll...never go back!" in one of the best voice acting ive ever heard.

After all this, he is essentially Nahida's prisoner lol since the fatui refused to take him back. Also he lost the gnosis. Some shenanigans later, and he and Lumine are in irminsul (the tree which holds all the memories in the world). Scara finds out that his friend who betrayed him all the way back when? Didnt betray him. It was a setup by Dottore, who was the foreign engineer, and he killed Scara's friend, then gave Scara his friend's LITERAL HEART to carry.

Scaramouche, enraged, tries to erase himself from Irminsul (suicide), hoping it undoes all the bad he's done.

This...doesn't work. Because someone cannot erase THEMSELVES from Irminsul, nor can erasing smth from irminsul actually change the past.

Now, Lumine is not from Teyvat (this whole setting), so she isnt affect by Irminsul fuckery. But everyone else? If smth is erased from Irminsul it's bye bye. So Lumine is pretty pissed that the guy shes basically enemies with is running around free. She searches for him and fins that he's some random guy who..doesnt rewlly have a name (he's called the wanderer) who is amnesiac and thinks he has been wandering the world the kast 500 years without purpose. Lumine explains, shit happens, Wanderer gets his memories back! He's like 'even tho no one remembers me, by bad deeds remain. I will atone' and starts working with Nahida as her. Like, right hand man I suppose? While regaining his memories he has this whole 'fighting against yourself/who you used to be' trope and gets a Vision! An object that gives elemental powers to people who recieve it. It's believed you get it when your ambition is 'recognized by the gods' (fucking lies, we dont know shit about visions still 😭)

And I guess that's about it..? I recommend watching his teaser/trailer/demo/whatevers, they're very nice. Just search Wanderer trailer lol

Thank you for the ask!! :))))

[cringefail-clown]

Soo, uhh, what's the story on how kankri got his sign and all? As an ancestor lover, I'm curious about what happened to kankri's ancestor. Was it one of feferi's first instances of being a cruel empress? (idk if that's what I should say, but oh well) Does kankri have a vague idea of what happened (if something bad did happen) like how karkat had an idea of what happend to the sufferer/signless?

Anyways, I love your AU and the art you make for it!

the symbol came from the same place - the irons that bound the signless hand, but how it came to be is a pretty different story.

im trying to think bout it from the classpect angle - like how in canon the signless was post scratch kankri, so his abilities as a seer of blood allowed him to get glimpses from his pre scratch life, which inspired him to try and change things for the better. but in the au, its karkat who's in the role of the signless, and he aint no seer, hes a knight, he protects with his aspect and protects his aspect. i think the blood powers would carry some memories as well, maybe not so clear like how it was for kankri, but karkat would get the vague feeling of this is wrong.

i think hed see what feferi as empress was trying to do, and would be like "wait a fucking minute she just tries to treat lower classes like some kind of animals that have to be under care of highbloods" and hed be PISSED bc hed rather die than have some highblood asshole coddle him his whole life just bc of his blood mutation.

so hed be like "actually fuck you and fuck the monarchy" and hed start preaching bout the better world where all the blood castes have a say in how their society works (like how it was on tb!beforus) and karkats really good at getting people to follow him. so thats how the movement against the empress would start, and when the news about the revolution would reach feferi she would be pissed then, bc she wants a better life for them and this is how theyre repaying her, by wanting to overthrow her?? and it spirals from here into karkats execution and feferi becoming more and more paranoid

as for if kankri knows how things went, well he does! he gets visions of his past and future selves through dreams, some are nice, but most of the time theyre terryfying (so he just,, stops sleeping). its a mix between his time on beforus and how society was like there, some of karkats memories as the signless get into it too as they're kinda bound by blood ie. the ancestry stuff, and also he gets some visions of the post-game on earth c! those are his favourite. im thinking hard bout everyones aspects, i also liked the idea of kankri being able to "sense" past and future relationships between ppl (for example he can vaguely tell when ppl have history between them and if its positive or not, or he just gets one look at roxy and porrim and goes "yeah theyre gonna be insufferably in love"), its all a work in progress tho!

[toothpastecanyon]

Return, to the Scene of the Crime - Chapter 3

Playing human again, Alcor makes it longer than he usually does. He's in college now, juggling classes, family, a curious vampire, and a strange, increasingly sinister web of mysteries weaving themselves around him. Without his omniscience to guide the way, he'll have to work hard to get to the bottom of this before it spirals out of control.

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

______________________________________________________________

“Now, class, can anyone tell me what year the Dinner Crew was founded? Anyone?”

One hand went up, and a wave of snickers spread through the lecture hall. The professor pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Can anyone other than Lucy Ann put their hand up, please? Okay, Dipper?”

“Um, I’m confused. Is it 2048 when Hank moved to Portland, or 2049 when the first Dinner Crew charter was signed?”

“Uh...”

“Definitely 2048.” Lucy Ann sat back in her chair. “That’s when I joined.”

The professor tried for his politest smile. “Oh-kay, uh, Lucy Ann?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s, um, really an honour to have you sitting in on History of Early Transcendence-”

“Hey, no problem.”

“But! Hah, but, um, the problem is you’re not actually registered as one of our students? So if you could maybe refrain from answering questions…?”

“Oh, sure.” She picked her teeth. “No problem.”

“Thanks, I’m glad you understand. Class, obviously, we’re going by the date of the official charter, so on your test it’ll be 2049.” He changed slides. “Now, can anyone tell me who the first leader of the Dinner Crew was?”

No hands, this time. All the students had craned their heads around to look at Lucy Ann.

“Anybody?” He looked around the room with a frozen grin, wringing his hands. “Uh, hah, come on guys, let’s wake up! Oh! Yes, uh… Okay, Dipper. Again.”

“Hank Pines?” Dipper blinked as Lucy Ann whispered in his ear. “And his middle name was- wait, you’re messing with me, there’s no way he was called Forrest Pines!”

“Oh, you’d better believe it.” She chucked to herself. “Also, you know, Hank was the founder, but it was really a cooperative effort back in those days. Plus people always leave out Vivienne – ticks me off, honestly. I mean, if I had to pick a leader, I might even say it was her!”

The professor gazed out at the sea of students nodding along and taking notes with all the airs of a captain looking at his sinking ship.

Later the class ended, and Dipper was packing up his magi-orb as everyone in the room was filing out. Lucy Ann glanced over at him.

“What’s the next one?”

“Uhh, Russian, in like an hour.”

“Oh, yeah, your Russian class. Am I still-”

“Oh, yeah, you’re still very banned.”

“Well, nobody told me they tweaked the alphabet since I learned it! I was like, ‘why’s she leaving out so many letters?”

Dipper rose to his feet with a chuckle. “Yeah, we all heard.”

“Yeah, yeah, извини. ” Arms crossed, she followed him out. “So, we got an hour, huh? Wanna get something to eat?”

“Ehhh, it’s like a twenty minute walk across campus. There’s nothing really around there.”

“Oh.”

He glanced back. “But we can do something if you want! I’m sure we can-”

“Oh, no, no. Don’t worry about it – heh, believe me, I can entertain myself.” They were going outside; Lucy Ann split off and waved at him. “I’ll see you back at the dorms, alright!”

“O-oh, uh, alright!” Dipper stood there for a second, a little surprised at how abruptly she excused herself, but then he shrugged to himself. “Alright.”

It was always annoying to walk to his Russian class, but on a day like this, he didn’t mind too much. The sun was shining high overhead, a little too hot but not bad in the shade of the trees lining the path. He crossed a green, and saw groups of students hanging out on the grass, gentle laughter drifting his way like the lazy breeze tousling his hair. It was the kind of image he always pictured when he thought of college, him and Mal and their friends talking about their classes, studying together – and he’d never finish his sentence before Mal’d give him a shove and say something like, “Me? Studying? Do you even know me?”

He gave a little chuckle under his breath… one that ended in a sigh. Oh, Mal. He couldn’t believe she’d had to drop out. She was always the one talking about how exciting it’d be to move out; ugh, it wasn’t fair. It was… it just… he wished he could do something about it, you know?

Ugh… maybe he’d give her a call.

Digging in his pocket, he drew out his phone, and scrolled to her contact. The phone rang a good few times; he thought she wasn’t gonna answer, but at the last second it went through - and it sounded like a factory.

“Mal?” He cringed and held the phone a little away from his ear. “Hey, uh, Mal, you there? If you’re talking, I can’t hear you! Mal?”

He thought he heard a mumbling sound through the roar, and then suddenly it dropped to a background sound. Her voice came through in a crackle. “…stupid - oh, there we go. Dipper?”

“Hey, Mal! Where are you?”

“Sorry, I’m just next to the cremation machine. You know how loud that thing is - the noise wards are working now, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I can hear you.”

“Cool. So what do you need?”

“What do I-?” Dipper blinked. “Oh, uh, nothing! Just thought I’d, you know, call.”

“Oh!”

“I-I guess you’re busy, though? Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“No, no, that’s… thanks! I just wasn’t expecting it - one sec.” There were some fumbling noises, and then her voice sounded a little clearer. “Just put on some headphones - you can still hear me, right?”

“Yeah!”

“Cool.”

“Yeah, cool…” Dipper said, and cleared his throat. “So! Uh, how are you?”

“Oh, you know. Working. Just uh-“ There was a faint slamming sound. “Getting ready for this cremation. Guy’s got a pacemaker, so I gotta take it out before it explodes in the machine, haha!”

“Oh, haha. Cool.”

“Well, I dunno if I’d call it cool, but it does make me feel a bit like a surgeon, so that’s a little fun. Sometimes I say, ‘We’re losing him!’, that’s,” she laughed to herself. “That’s my little joke.”

Dipper snorted. “Hah! I like that.”

“Oh, finally, someone laughs! You know, it’s usually a tough crowd in here, eh?”

“Well, I’d be more worried if they did laugh!”

“Hah! You’re not wrong there!”

They both chuckled to themselves for a moment. Mallory cleared her throat.

“But yeah, other than that, uh, nothing new. Dad’s doing okay.” A pause. “How’s your life?”

His life. Dipper looked around at the beautiful sunny day, and cringed. “Oh, yeah, it’s, it’s alright. I’m, uh, still at college, doing… college stuff.”

Mal was icily silent, and Dipper gave himself a mental smack on the head; why were these the words his brain was choosing to say? He gave a nervous laugh.

“B-but, uh, haha, I didn’t call just to talk about me! So you’re doing cremations now, huh? That’s cool! That’s great, I-“

“Dipper.”

Dipper swallowed. “Yeah?”

She paused, seeming to think over her words, and then she sighed. “Look, I… I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your head off the other day. It was really nice to see you again, it’s just, stressful, right now, you know?”

“No, no, I get it. With Dad and the funeral home.”

A snort. “Yeah, amongst other things… but hey. You know I’m proud of you, right? My little brother, getting into honors college!”

Dipper grinned. “Little brother? We’re the same age!”

“My little baby brother,” she said, and they both laughed. “So hey. I wanna hear how your day is, okay?”

“Okay.” He nodded. “Okay!”

“So! Dipper! How is your day going?”

He smiled. “Well, it’s going good. I just got out of Early Transcendence History… walking to my Russian class. It’s - heh, it’s way on the other side of campus, and you get out right at lunchtime but there’s like nothing around!”

“Oh, boo.”

“Right? You walk like twenty minutes over there, and then you gotta walk twenty minutes back to get something to eat!”

“You can’t just drive there?”

“I mean, technically, yeah, but there’s no parking close by. You just end up walking again.”

“Sounds like a real nightmare.” A pause. “Oh, come on!”

“What?”

“Some blood just squirted on my shirt - ugh, I really gotta remember to put on the stupid apron.” He could hear her trying to brush her shirt. “But, uh, yeah, what else? Made any cool new friends?”

“Friends? Uh, well…” he heard Mal snickering, and rolled his eyes. “No, no, I’ve made friends! There’s this guy Darren down the hall from me, and…”

And Lucy Ann, he thought, but god, she was such a strange development he still didn’t know how to bring her up. Mallory cut in.

“Okay, so Darren down the hall, that’s one more than I thought you’d have by now.”

“Oh, and I guess I talked to - Marsh!”

“March?”

“I almost forgot, I do have news! You know how I always wanted to start my own ghosthunting show?”

“Whaaat?” She said in mock surprise. “I’ve never heard that before.”

“Hah, well, you know, I think I’m kind of starting to get known for hunting ghosts around here.” He grinned. “Some person called Marsh called me out to her apartment yesterday. We had a look, scanned around for ghosts…”

“Cool! Did’ja find any?”

He deflated. “Uh, well…”

“Sounds promising.”

He tried for a laugh, but then he shook his head. “Yeahhh, I mean… we decided it probably wasn’t a ghost.”

“Probably?”

“I mean, your necklace didn’t light up at all. And you know how sensitive it is, right?”

“Yeah, you kept getting headaches with the old versions. I had to drop the blocking threshold riiight to the floor.”

“Right!” He nodded. “And even weak ghosts put out a lot of magic, so there couldn’t have been a ghost in that apartment. There couldn’t have been.”

A pause. “Okay.”

“And I mean it could’ve just been… a series of coincidences, you know? It’s an old apartment, maybe it’s no big deal if the toilet flushes by itself, the TV turns on… she said the fridge kept opening…”

“Well, maybe it’s not a ghost.”

“Huh?”

"So let me get this straight. The toilet flushes by itself, the fridge opens by itself, and you think that’s a haunting?”

Dipper blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You’re really not seeing it? Who’s the real family genius here, huh?” She chuckled to herself. “I mean, I know you love the preternatural stuff, but that doesn’t sound like a ghost to me. That sounds like she’s got an extra roommate.”

“What, you mean, like… there’s someone else living with her?”

“I dunno, do ghosts go to the toilet? Do they use the fridge?”

“Wh- but-“

“Do they watch TV?” She snorted. “I mean, maybe I’m wrong, but I’m just saying.”

“But that… doesn’t make any sense! Marsh said nothing was stolen, a-and she didn’t see anyone in her house! How could someone just hide away like that? And why would they be hiding? Why would they-“

And then he stopped. Dead.

His eyes went wide. His stomach dropped.

“I dunno,” Mal was saying, and her words just washed over him. “That’s just my theory. Maybe…”

“The jewelry store.”

“What?”

“It’s the jewelry store,” he breathed, and then the gravity of it caught up with him. “Oh, my stars, Mal, the jewelry store robbery! What if it’s him?”

“Wh- jewelry store heist? What are you talking about?”

“Somebody robbed a jewelry store a few blocks from campus - really close to Marsh’s apartment!” Oh my stars, he thought, they drove right past it on the way over! “What if it’s him hiding there! What if - oh, shit, Marsh!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, what are you talking about?”

“It’s-“ He turned around and took off running. “Oh, I can’t explain now, she could be in trouble!”

“Nobody’s in trouble! Dipper, nobody’s in trouble, don’t-“

“I gotta go!”

“No, Dipper! Dipper, don’t-“

He hung up, and dashed back across campus as fast as his legs could take him, his backpack bouncing on his shoulders. He struggled to tap Lucy Ann’s contact; he was nearly to the parking lot by the time he managed to call her.

“Y’ello-“

“Lucy Ann!” He gasped. “Marsh - apartment! Gotta - whoo, gotta get there!”

“What? Wait, what’s going on?”

“I… figureditout!” He stumbled to his car door, almost too out of breath to talk. “Go - go there! I’ll explain!”

“Marsh? What’s wrong? Are you in-“

“I gotta go!”

Then he hung up, and struggled to call Marsh as he pulled out of the parking lot. Shit, she wasn’t picking up; he tried again, and groaned when it rang out. She didn’t even have a voicemail!

Then his phone started buzzing, and he quickly made to answer it - but wait, oh, it was just his sister. She was probably really confused why he hung up… but he didn’t have time, he had to get there now!

He’d explain later.

______________________________________________________________

As panicked as he was, Dipper couldn’t help but park neatly before shutting off his car. He stared up at the apartment for a moment, took a breath, and got out. He took the stairs up two at a time, sprinted for her door, and started knocking on it.

“Marsh! Marsh! Are you in there? Marsh!”

At first he thought she wasn’t home, but just as he thought of stopping he heard footsteps. Footsteps… Dipper suddenly thought of who else might be in there, but before he could do much more than step back the door was opening.

“Wh- you again?” Marsh rubbed her eyes as she glared at him. “Dude, I’m working tonight. You can’t just-“

“You’re in-!” He stopped himself, and leaned in close to whisper. “I think you’re in danger.”

“What?”

“Just come outside for a second,” he said, and led her a little ways from the door. “You remember when I came to find the ghost?”

“Yeah, that happened yesterday. What about it?”

“I think I figured out where it is… and what it is, I…” he thought for a moment. “Can I look in your roommate’s room?”

“Uh, sure? But what’s so dangerous about it?”

“I - I need to make sure. Just… stay back for a second, okay?”

“Uh, okay.” She frowned in concern. “Be careful, dude.”

Be careful - Dipper was opening the door when those words hit him. This was… this was actually pretty dangerous, wasn’t it?

Maybe he should call the police? But no, how would he explain this to them? And what if they didn’t find anything - he’d look like an idiot! Suddenly all the cracks in this theory were starting to show, but he was in too deep now.

No, he just needed to play it cool, find proof, and then he’d be out. Easy!

“Uh, okay, Marsh!” Dipper said, loudly. “I’m just here to look for ghosts again, like we agreed!”

Shit, he just realised something about himself: he was a terrible actor. Dipper waited for a response from the house, but it was silent. Was he not here, or…?

He thought for a moment, then an idea struck him. Putting his backpack down on the couch, he started rifling through it; come on, he didn’t put it away, right? It had to be- aha!

Drawing out the Ouija board, Dipper held it in front of him, and pretended to stare at it very intently. He moved it this way and that, and then acted like he was picking something up.

He walked down the hall, steps echoing in the silence. His breath felt too loud; his heartbeat sounded like a drumbeat in his ears. He took a look in the bathroom, then approached the ever-ajar door to the bedroom like he was sneaking up on a rattlesnake - a cautious shuffle forwards, a head peeking through the door, looking around for-

Ding!

With a little scream he dropped the board and jumped back, only to realise - it was his phone! Oh, just his phone, just his phone. He reached in his pocket to silence it, and gave a little laugh.

“Uh, whoops!” He tried for a grin. “D-dropped it, haha…”

Oh, this was such a bad idea. He gathered up the board with shaking hands, and held it out in front of him like a shield as he stepped through the door. The floor was warped in here, the floorboards uneven and shrieking under his weight. He cringed as he took another squeaky step forwards, and looked around.

No one was here… but the dresser across the room was closed. Swallowing hard, he crossed the floor, grasped the handle, and opened it up.

Just clothes, he saw, and let out a breath. Okay - okay okay okay. If this guy was really hiding here, he must be out at the moment.

Thank the stars… but now what? He could be gone forever - Dipper cringed at that. Maybe he spooked him off yesterday… or maybe he thought he had them fooled, which means he’d come back. And if he was coming back, he’d want to leave some stuff behind here, right? So it’d be hidden somewhere.

A grimace. That made sense… at least, it sounded like it did. So if he could only find a stash, that was evidence!

But where would it be? He looked around the room, took another peek in the closet, and frowned. Hmmm… maybe the posters? Oh, yeah, maybe he put them in a hole behind them!

He took a step towards the poster, and a loud creak echoed through the room.

He paused, there. Leaned from one foot to another - creaaaaak . He could feel the floorboards shift a little under his feet, and when he took another step, this one was even looser. Huh.

There was a rug right by the bed. Dipper stepped towards it, put the Ouija board down, and grasped it by the corner. He gently slid it away, and he could see it immediately; one floorboard was so loose it came out of place just by the movement of the rug.

Dipper rushed to kneel in front of it. Quickly he took out his phone, and shone it down; it was dusty down there, and he thought he could make out something… but it was covered by another floorboard. He pulled up that one as well, shone it down again, and gasped.

There was a small, dusty backpack under the floorboards, and when he reached for it, he felt the weight - it was much heavier than it looked, and there was a tantalising clinking sound that sent his heart right into his throat. With shaking fingers he reached down to open it; he grasped the zipper, dragged it slowly down the side, opened the bag, and gasped as he saw-

Creaaak.

A sound behind him. Before Dipper could move, something cold and metal shoved itself against his temple.

A voice, low and hard and seething.

“You think I’m fucking stupid, don’t you?”

Dipper glanced back - glanced, then felt the gun shove itself harder against him. But he’d seen it: there was no one behind him. “Wha- what, I-I-“

“Fucking around with this ghost shit, pretending you didn’t know I was here the whole fucking time - she set you up to this, didn’t she! She wants to cut me out of the fucking deal!”

His voice was the scariest thing Dipper had ever heard. He felt himself trembling all over. “I-I don’t- I-I don’t know what you’re- I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

“Don’t you fucking play dumb! You think you can make a fool of me?” A hand grabbed his shoulder like a vice. “You think I don’t know what’s going on? She wants to get rid of me! I had a feeling right from the start, and now here you are like clockwork, ready to take it away from me!”

“I-I don’t-“ He shook his head. “Please, man. Please. I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry, okay?”

“Oh, you’re going to be sorry, Dipper.”

“Please d-don’t kill me, please don’t- Please. Please, I-“

The front door. They both froze as it swung open hard, as a familiar voice shouted into the apartment:

“Dipper!”

Lucy Ann. Dipper heard the man curse under his breath. “Shit… okay, you gotta make her leave. Get up.”

“What-“

“Get. Up.”

The gun shoved itself against his ear, and Dipper struggled to his feet. Stars, his legs were shaking-

“Dipper! You in here?”

“Uh…” he felt the man push him forwards, and made his way to the door. “I-I’m here! Everything’s… everything’s fine!”

“Dipper?” He came face to face with her in the hallway. “Oh, thank the stars. What was that call, man? Scared me half to death!”

Dipper gave a loud laugh. “Hahahaha! Yeah, um, it was… nothing!”

“Nothing?”

“Y-yeah, I looked and… and found nothing!” He moved to block her as she looked into the room.

“What?”

“I said, I found nothing.” He looked her right in the eye. “I found nothing, okay? So let’s go.”

Lucy Ann opened her mouth, but then she seemed to take him in; the sweat on his face, the tension in his body, the way his head was leaning oddly forward. There was a flicker of something across her face, but it was quickly swallowed up with a convincing scowl.

“Oh,” she said, and then she gave him a punch in the shoulder. “Then screw you, man! You scared me half to death!”

“Ow, hey-!”

She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down to her level. “Don’t you ever do that to me again, okay? Or you’re going to be sorry!”

Then he was shoved into the living room, and he stumbled to keep his footing. He blinked several times, and opened his mouth- but Lucy Ann was already gone.

There was a shout from the bedroom, a hard thump, a yell of pain. Eyes widening, Dipper raced to the door just in time to hear a-

BANG!

The sound was painfully, deafeningly loud; he recoiled and covered his ringing ears, and almost immediately someone knocked him to the floor. Squeezing open his eyes, he saw a figure he’d never seen before, a tall, scruffy, bleeding man with the backpack on, yelling and pointing a pistol into the bedroom.

“…what you get!” He was bellowing, but it was hardly louder than the ringing. “That’s… you fucking get!”

Then he grabbed some car keys from the counter and ran for the door; Marsh came rushing in, only to shriek and duck away from the sight of his pistol.

Dipper struggled to get to his feet. He felt like the world had gone sideways, but someone grabbed his shoulder - Marsh grabbed his shoulder, and helped him up.

She was saying something, but he could only see her lips were moving. He shook his head, leaned over and caught himself on the doorway - no, no, he had to see, he had to get to… Lucy Ann!

For one horrible moment, he thought she was dead. She lay against the bed, cradling her eye; his heart dropped when he saw dark blood leaking from between her fingers… but he also saw she was cradling it, letting Marsh help her up, and shaking her head when she tried to pry her hand away. I’m okay, he could see her saying. I’m okay.

She was okay. He was okay. Everyone… was okay.

Dipper let himself bask in that for a moment, let the sheer relief wash over him, and bring him to his knees. He caught himself on his hands, and immediately felt something sharp. Lifting his palms - and resisting gentle arms trying to help him up - he saw blood on them, saw little shards of something slip off and fall back to the ground.

There was something on the floor, subtle shimmers and sparks that caught his eye. He managed to feel out a bigger piece, brought it closer to his face, and that was when he realised what it was - it looked like a shard of multicoloured glass. Broken etching wards sputtered on the surface, flickering it in and out of existence, and when he looked at the floor again, he could see the ripped-off chain of a necklace.

Oh, he thought, and the voice in his head sounded a million miles away.

An invisibility charm.

So that’s how he got out of the jewelry store. He figured it out.

How about that.

It wasn’t funny, but Dipper found himself laughing, laughing harder than he’d ever laughed in his life. He was sure he was screaming, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t hear anything over that godawful incessant unending ringing.

How about that, huh? HOW ABOUT THAT!

How about that.

[nova-alien-rants]

trying to finally heal my NPD and dealing with the damage it's caused is so fucking devastating

uhh if you demonize narcs please get off my blog before i launch you into the sun uhh this post is kinda long

it just... it hurts so bad dude. and i feel like my BPD makes it even worse because every time i'm confronted with the reality that i've fucked up those around me so badly, i can end up spiraling into thinking i'm the worst person ever, i deserve to die, i ruin everything, there's no hope for me, etc. it's so awful. i genuinely hate how much i've hurt those in my life.

examples:

i've gaslit my gf to the point where she still feels like SHE'S the problem, even though it's literally been me all along. she kept trying to help me and i villainized her the whole time. i'm disgusted with how i acted. my eyes have been opened and i no longer act the way i did, but the damage has been done and i can't help but cry because of how much i've hurt her these past several years.

my friend became used to me making backhanded jabs and even passive aggressive remarks because i always felt threatened by him. i stopped being mean to him like that, but because he was used to that dynamic with me, he kept up with his own vindictiveness and made me feel terrible that i trained him to do that in the first place. he doesn't do it with anyone else.

i've lost many friends and gotten into baseless arguments simply because i was acting like a giant asshole under the delusion that THEY were the assholes, not me. even though they literally did not do anything. my own ego was wounded and that wasn't their fault. i was such a fool for destroying those relationships.

i feel so fucking despondent so much of the time now, and i keep flip flopping between "there's hope for me and i can help reduce the stigma of NPD" and "i am the worst person ever, i'm a horrible monster who just hurts people, there's no getting better for me." my emotions are so intense. either they're everywhere, or they're nowhere. i also feel so much grief. i could have had amazing relationships with amazing people around me, and to an extent i do now! but so much of the lives of myself and others have been absolutely ravaged by my own self obsession and vindictiveness, and i can't help but wonder what things would be like if i weren't the way i am. honestly i'm so ashamed of myself for letting things get to this point.

whenever i would do research on NPD, i would wonder like... why do people not know they have this condition? how could they possibly not know when it fucks up their lives so bad? i knew about my BPD and OCPD before i even knew what those conditions were called, and those are also ego-syntonic personality disorders! so i was REALLY thrown a curveball when i was told i'm a narc. it felt like my world shattered and i simultaneously could see clearer, but also felt so much shame and sadness. and other things, but i don't even know what in specific. bad things. it seriously changed how i viewed myself and everyone and everything in this world around me.

i remember i would always tell myself i would never end up like my parents, both of whom are narcissists. they were and still are the worst abusers out of all the abusers i've ever had in my life. so when i found out i was a narc, too, i felt disgusted not only because it explained so much of my life, but also because it meant my worst fear had come true. i associate narcissism with my parents. i'd be lying if i were to say i didn't have my own internalized ableism about NPD due to them. at the same time though, i get distressed from sharing physical features with them too, so it's hard to really say. it just sucks all around.

i feel like some kind of evil monster crying crocodile tears upon finally having it click that they actually are, indeed, some kind of evil monster. i've hurt so many people so badly and i was totally blind to it. COMPLETELY. to the point i genuinely believed THEY were the ones hurting ME. sometimes i'm so consumed with shame i literally never want to show my face to anyone ever again. i want to run away and start a new life where no one knows who i am or what my past was like. but alas, such is not feasible, so i am stuck dealing with the consequences of my actions. and accept them i will, of course, because it's the grave i dug for myself, but fuck, man. this feels so awful. i feel so awful.

[yomiurinikei]

KEISUKE IRANAMI!!!!!! (<- self proclaimed no1 keisuke fan)

okay i lied post gets to go live NOW !! long time no keisuke hi boyyyy…

•was a bit of a late bloomer, Specifically, took a minute to hit his height. he grew less than 10cm over the few years he was expected to grow more and was worried that was It

•then he effectively Woke Up and grew like a bean sprout. tbh was a Bit embarrassed abt it for a while, i can see a sibling or two or six teasing him abt finally growing Up

•the reason for his longer hair in sdra2 is Honestly more that he hasn’t set aside time to go get it cut than anything

•smthn smthn caring for your appearance/presentation… his sense of self falls under his devotion to his beliefs, bc he’s following a System and Orders instead of thinking things through on his own. 

•does still take good care of himself in terms of hygiene though. his hair is very smooth!!! well brushed

•speaking of haircuts, as a kid, satsuki Hated getting her hair cut so keisuke always got his cut at the same time as her. whenever she needed a haircut, he’d go w her and get his done first, and then she’d go so they could match <3

•totally has had no impact on his haircut avoidance now. totally.

•in general keisuke doesn’t really have time for things he wants to do… but that’s kinda a lie. its less about having the time and way more abt like… bc of how Dedicated he is to his work at the foundation, he… doesn’t have much life outside it. but that’s less bc he works long hours and stuff- it just.. Consumes him

•he gets to his apartment and thinks about the foundation. he doesn’t go get engaged with a hobby. if he’s Invested in anything it’s the foundation. nothing else interests him

•THOUGH i don’t wanna portray sdra2 keisuke as empty shell of a man

•like he’s clearly still close w ryutaro and midori even if things come to a Head when we last see them. he’s clearly maintained a relationship w them!!!! he’s still iranami keisuke, who served his role in helping everyone survive 6.5

•and he’s just Fixates on the foundation. because it gives him a code of beliefs. a system to follow. it’s a promise. 

•he just has Worse issues than he lets on. which is why ryutaro and midori seem so surprised w how he is. he goes w them for dinner and hosts them at his apartment for a game night. and it’s fun and he’s having fun and he’s fun to be around. and he’s one of Many who’s just severely crushed by the tragedy. this is how he’s taped himself together

•hey whoops. this direction was uhh not where i meant to go! speaking of board games he feels like a chutes and ladders guy

•HEY ALSO. TBT OLD POST. he gives satsuki all his grape jolly ranchers. she gives him all her blue raspberries (…most of them. a girl needs variety in her diet!)

•doesn’t have a big sweet tooth but like fruit + cream sweets. roll cakes and etc..

•favorite season is winter but he likes to stay In during it. lowkey has poor circulation in tragedy days, his fingers get Cold fast

•really huge on the Cut of his clothing in terms of how it fits on him. he needs pressure on the right places… likes things heavier on his shoulders, looser around his waist. (context for this is i was looking at his overalls (?) on satsukis design sheet + 6.5 design)

•i think the uniform kinda bugs him bc of this. he likes the vest but he’s gone a size up w the pants. no one tell tsurugi

•just naturally has a p balanced diet. likes a lot of foods!

•Generally not a big seafood guy tho. this is occasionally an issue w traveling around for the circus(/tragedy agriculture changes) bc it’s Such a common meal staple, but it’s part of why he likes sm different things. he’ll eat Anything else

•any seafood he has has to be Coated in sauce/seasoning/etc. if it tastes like the sea, he’ll sea you later.

•a fan of Moderate spice. likes it when it’s used Tastefully~ ….satsuki pranks him a Good Bit w spicy foods. he coughed it up once and she spiraled abt it bc she felt so bad-

•was a HUGE bookworm as a kid. kinda defied stereotypes by still being v friendly and sociable, but he Loooved to read.

•satsuki picked up reading p quickly bc she was curious abt what he was up to. wasn’t super caught by books, though. liked being read to, so keisuke tried to Monitor his book choices a bit

•started to be satsukis #1 big sibling after getting randomly handed her to watch Once. he was just her deigned caretaker after that, and once she was old enough to convey her wants, it was p clear she associated him w being happy <333

•would’ve gotten into photography as a preteen if he wasn’t busy w his family and the circus

•a pretty good cook! but bc of the range of things he likes, he can sometimes make things that others are a bit wary of.

•tbh he’s content living by himself but i think if he had some pets it’d make him happier than he thinks it would.. (+ would Make him be invested in smthn new)

•particularly i see him w cats since they’re happy w being indoor only, while dogs Need to go out. little white and black kitty… long haired orange cat….. my visions are So clear!!!!

[quackity1999]

Personally? I would leave it to them. Hypothetically, the president should be in a fit mental and physical state to lead, right? So if they're not, it puts the nation in danger.

They must have enough associates that could relieve them of some duties while they rest.

And it's okay to be scared. You have to give responsibility over to other people, a lack of control is really scary. But it's okay, it usually isn't as bad as spiraling thoughts make it seem.

. . right.

god, i feel paranoid. HA. uhh, yeah, that makes sense. i guess i'm moreso scared of. of nesting. which again, sounds fucking crazy, because we're all meant to— it's just.

there's enough bad memories there. i don't wanna risk more.

[ask-robokasa-and-rui]

Chapter 4: Prologue

And ever since then...I kept working and working...until she didn't need me anymore. She didn't set me free though. She kept me in a room because she knew I would tell someone. That was until Honarobo rescued me and we got out of that freakshow...

Oh...wait....but if you knew they we're killer robots...then why-

The blood was their own...

What-?!

They had human corpses inside them...I only thought they murdered Mafuyu and Ena but it seems they haven't stopped their plays...

T-then that means...Tsukasa...was a real person?

He is...or...was...but Robokasa is only based off of him. He was brought to life by code. Not a soul.

I see...are the other robots..?

Yes. Akito was one of our employees...Honami was our stage director. When Saki thinks you're no longer needed, you are needed for the robots. What's scummy is that our employees aren't known people. Not a lot of people know that they exist. So it's no crime for them to die and be replaced by robots.

I see...

What time is it, by the way?

It's uhh...six forty five! Why?

For safety...

Safety?

Mhm...and there!

Is he fixed?

Yep. Let me turn him on.

Kanade pushes the "on" button and Tsukasa slowly gets up.

Hm...Where?

Tsukasa! Oh thank goodness!!! Are you al-!! Right...?

When Rui looks at Tsukasa, he sees that one of his pupils is now a star symbol instead of a spiral

W-what's wrong with your pupil?

The star...that means..!

What? What does that mean?!

Rui? Are you alright?

I'm asking you that!!

I'm okay...no need to worry.

Hm...

I feel...weird though...

Weird?

Like...I feel...things...what's happening?

Kanade, do you know what's going on?

I think while fixing him, some of the old codes Saki made me write got into his system.

Is that a bad thing?

Yes and no. It's a no, because now Tsukasa will be able to feel emotions again. It's also a yes, because...

Because?

The real Tsukasa...may try and reach out to you...

The...real Tsukasa?

Real Tsukasa..? Am I fake...? Wait. Why am I saying that? Of course I'm fake! I'm a robot!

Woah! Tsukasa really changed. Is there a way to reverse this?

I can delete the codes if you want...

Please do that. I'm sorry but seeing him with emotions just feels wrong!

Alright...

WAIT NO!!!

Ah-?!

Ah...

I-I..I want to...

Tsukasa?

I want to...feel...emotions...I always...wanted to...feel them...!

I-Is he crying...?

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

AAAAAH-!! Tsukasa!? He's crying out oil!!!

Hehe...Come on Tsukasa...it's alright...

Hic! I have emotion...! I'm so happy!! But-hic! Isn't crying a negative..?

It's natural.

Hic...Oh...

Okay Tsukasa...I suppose..how about this? If you ever feel uncomfortable about the emotions, tell us and we'll get that code out. Okay?

Sniff...mhm...

Now, we better get back home..WAIT!!! We don't have any cover for you!!!

Is that bad...?

Uhh yes!!

Darling!! Can you bring some clothes for Tsukasa? We need covers for him!!

Getting them!!!

After Minori gets Tsukasa covers. He wears a mask and turtle neck to hide his robotics parts. After Tsukasa wears them, Rui and Tsukasa say their goodbyes to Kanade and Honami before they leave with Minori.

Sigh! We got that problem fix!

So, Tsukasa. How does it feel to feel emotions?

Weird yet...comforting...but my emotions aren't like other people...

Everyone functions differently! That's what makes humans so great!

I see...

Don't worry! I'm sure you'll get used to it!

I hope so...

Maybe you'll work with us!

Oh yeah!! Tsukasa can be a maid! Ahaha!!

..hehe...ehehehe!

...! He...he laughed! He actually laughed! Hm...maybe this isn't so bad..but I shouldn't get sidetracked...Nene is missing. I have to find her...

Meanwhile...(A day later)

Bzzzt!! Ah!! Wha...where!? This place..I'm...I'm back here again?!

Nene was tied to a chair.

No no-!!

Don't try and struggle.

Huh!?

Mafuyu appears from the shadows.

Mafuyu...?!

Hello Nene-chan!!

Emu appears from tbe shadows.

Emu...

Now that you're here! I can finally start my plan!

What plan...what are you going to do to me?!

I'm not going to do anything to you! I'm not the type to kill~!

Yes you are. Don't think I'm dumb.

Hehehe...

Suddenly, Emu shuts off.

Huh-?

Emu?

Emu turns on

Ow...what the heck...Ah!? Nene-chan!? Why are you all tied up!?

What are you talking about?

Oh let me get you out of those!

Emu starts to untie Nene from the ropes. Nene was clearly confused and so was Mafuyu. Nene looks over to Mafuyu but her eye catches something else. A figure. A figure in Emu's shadow. It was a girl. A girl with short hair, looking back at Nene with wide, rage filled eyes. She looks at the clock. It's noon. What does that mean?

Chapter 4 Begins.

Tags: @aspenii @bobcross1010 @blankblyke @mizuribbons @mai-mai-mai @kusanagi-nene-official-mod @kiwi-does-stuff @scodscod @delartz @t4mar @saltghost

[violetsareblue-selfships]

rambling about my arcane s/i following this set of questions (might not answer all of them)

🌸 Do you have any basic headcanons? (Age, Sexuality, Etc.)

Okay, so age: during act 1 of season one, Vi's 15, Caitlyn's 16 & I'm 18-18.5; then during acts 2-3, Vi's 22, Cait's 23, and I'm 25 (i'm placing progress day in spring so prior to my birthday) - aka I'll be 26 post the minor timeskip in season 2 (it's like at most 6 months)

I'm using the League fan birthdays for them (unless we get proper confirmation of their birthdays in Arcane) - so Dec. 19 for Vi, and Jan. 4 for Caitlyn.

Sexuality: I don't have anything finite but we all like women hehe

🌷When does your self-insert come into the story? Is your selfship established before the events of the source?

Mine's there pretty much from the beginning - certainly in acts 2-3 of season one, I'm already in an established relationship with Caitlyn (technically loosely in act 1 - like we go on dates but we're teens so romance isn't the main focus - though our first kiss is on her sixteenth birthday at her request :3)

the third fic I've written is like a snippet of all the scenes that would show my s/i during progress day (idk if the kiss scene would be shown in act 1 or like alluded to/given flashbacks to later on)

my relationship with vi develops alongside her relationship with caitlyn following canon pretty closely.

🌺Are there any other characters that are very relevant to your self-insert or F/O story-wise?

Jayce is like an older sibling figure (and given that Viktor is his work partner, we're at least on friendly terms). Otherwise, Caitlyn's parents are fairly fond of me.

Later on, I grow fond of Jinx & Isha through Vi. I don't think there's enough time there to properly gain familial relationships but we have like an understanding (in a modern au, she definitely would be a younger sister to me)

🌹How would your self-insert function in the source? (Side character, Main character, etc?)

I dunno how to classify it - side character i guess, but she's important to one of the main ships so?? but like she's not really involved much in the politics or hextech stuff unless cait & vi drag her into it

🏵️ How did your ship meet? What were their first impressions?

Cait & I meet first - she finds me when i'm new to piltover, lost on the street & unable to find my way home. she gets her mother to help me get home - we're friends from then on. // her first impression of me was literally that i needed help and well, the fic's not called a savior and a friend for nothing (she was my savior :3)

Vi & Caitlyn meet next - the whole Cait breaking Vi out of jail scene as follows in canon. Uhh very tense first impressions - essentially the canon ones (like Vi's surprised that Cait's freeing her & Cait sees her as a way to get a lead on the attacks in Piltover)

Vi & I meet last. Literally the second they return from Stillwater, Caitlyn goes to find me (she promised she would once she returned) and drags Vi there before they head to the Undercity. It's a very brief meeting but she comes away thinking I'm a good painter and my main impression is that she's very pretty (like it's a brief interaction or I'd have more).

🌻Does your self-insert or F/O go through any character development throughout the story?

Vi stays pretty true to herself the whole story - that's the point. She has a good heart and Vander told her to keep her heart that good no matter what. She manages, in my opinion.

Caitlyn... has a bad arc but she's at least trying to fix what she's done at the end. (AKA, she goes a bit dictator under Ambessa's influence for those who haven't watched the show) still, by the end of it, she regrets what she's done and like i said is showing with her actions that she's not like that anymore (i know it doesn't absolve her of her actions but her mother dies and sends her down that spiral so...)

As for me... uhh, honestly I think I'm similar to Vi. I stay pretty much the same from beginning to end - loyal to those I care about (with some exceptions in Cait's case during her worst era - like I still love her, I don't think a childhood love could be broken that easily but I can't be with her like that)

🌼Is there an official confession scene between the two of them?

You know, I don't think they say I love you officially in the entire show - it's shown but not said lol. I'll probably amend that though whether that's somewhere like s2 e8 or after everything's over and done...

For Cait & I, that first kiss is as much a confession as any - though the first I love you is also important (i haven't thought much on when that is, but likely a few dates in)

For Vi & I, our first kiss is during her pitfighter era sometime (I'll have more thoughts on this when I actually write stuff during that time, I'm still writing in season 1 - though I'm almost to season 2)

🍀 Do You have any other scenes in mind? Angsty, Tender, Funny, Etc.

Like I said, I'm following canon pretty closely so most of those scenes still hold weight. But I'll mention a few snippets I probably won't get around to writing. (or they'll be short if I do)

S1, E6 - when Cait's settling Vi after she takes the shimmer to heal her wounds - that moment where it's implied that Cait wants to kiss her, she has a little moment of panic because she has a girlfriend waiting for her and that's why she changes the subject so abruptly.

S1, E9 - when Jinx is all 'I paid your girlfriend a visit' and she reveals Caitlyn, Vi can't help but ask about the other girl (aka me) and JInx is all 'who? oh!!! her... nah, i just left her asleep in caitlyn's bed) (aka Vi may not be 100% in love with me yet here but she still cares :3)

Honestly, the rest of what I have in mind will probably be written so... *shrugs* // though also i'm thinking that my s/i should get injured at some point (like she's a painter, not a great fighter (though she's probably trained a little with cait as kids)) but I'll figure out when - that last fight would work or either of the other big fights in season 2 (the one where they get like attacked at the speech mel's giving or during the thing w/ isha and them later on in season 2 (bc my s/i is there so... but vi gets injured there so maybe only one large scale injury should happen...) sorry, i'm rambling now lol

[ahiddenpath]

Life Talk

Discussing how I'm dealing with Things beneath the cut.

I doubt I'll be able to say anything about the US election results that you haven't seen a million times before. I wasn't sure if I should bother commenting. I'm not sure where I am in the processing stages, so... Forgive me if my tone is weird. I definitely feel weird.

First thing's first; I've anticipated this outcome since people started blaming Biden for inflation. That's a typical thing in American politics; whoever is in charge currently is blamed for everything, which often causes the presidency to swap from D to R and back, regardless of where problems began. Of course, if voters really were worried about the economy, well... The Trump tariffs are a laughably, horrifically bad solution. But... I don't think the average American voter understands tariffs. So like. Whelp. There's a very real reason why Rs want to gut public education. Well, there are several, but yeah, a less educated populace is easier to fleece.

Obviously there are a million other horrible things going on here; if I tried to get into them all, I would never finish this post. But I can't say I'm experiencing shock or betrayal. I knew many Americans hate women, POC, the queer community, and others more than they care about their own self interests. Although most, I think, are simply not educated enough to understand that their self interests are at risk, and many others were sucked into the far right cult stuff years ago. Rs always scream about the liberal media, but so much American media (and social media!) is owned by the right, or is at least paid off by them. I'm wondering, as education continues to fail, especially given the next administration, will Americans have any hope of thinking beyond whatever Facebook posts and news in the pocket of (or in fear of) the right tells them?

We're in a bad way, but this didn't happen on the day of the election. We've been living in this environment for years, now. Are things about to get worse? Yes, of course. I think it's an important time to remember who your friends and loved ones are, to lean on them and check in on them, to do stupid fun stuff with them. And I think it's time to step away from the doom scrolling and inventing horrible what-if scenarios. Obviously this is a scary time; I'm not trying to diminish that. But spiraling causes pain now, PLUS more pain later if the bad thing comes to pass.

I've seen some interesting posts with actionable ideas. Get a passport ASAP, look into moving (to blue states, out of climate change buffer areas, or internationally if you can, although obviously that is not easy nor readily available), think about if your industry will be impacted by tariffs and sweeping federal government layoffs, get sterilized if you know you don't want kids, get that medical appointment you've been pushing off. Actionable stuff is productive! Spiraling isn't. Although uhhh, that's easier said than done. I'm just trying to push myself in a better direction, here.

As for me, here are some fractured snippets of how I've been feeling:

-Mourning. Shit, I'm 35. Trump will be in office until I'm 39. My child bearing window is closing. Are we not having a family bc of orange oompah loompah and his country and world destroying policies?

-I'm aware that I will be buffered from some things, purely because of how I look, where I live, etc. And the fact that I'm married to a safe man who adores me affords some protection. I feel weird about it, but must acknowledge it, so I don't get uhh. Disconnected from people who are more vulnerable than me. I think that Democratic politicians who mean well, but don't experience what so many Democrat constituents go through/suffer with for various reasons, becoming so... Out of touch and unrelatable... Um, I think that played a role in getting us here. It's difficult for these politicians to organize or affect change when their life experience is... Just overall safer by default. And this applies to people who aren't politicians, too, just on a less official level.

Those of us who are comparatively safer for various reasons need to hear people who are less safe and acknowledge that some things impact us differently, and we need to prioritize what the most vulnerable need.

-On the day before the election, I started Googling how to become a witch and books on witchcraft. I did it with a wry grin, because I'm aware that magic/witchcraft/New Age stuff/tarot/crystals/mysticism/etc surge in popularity during times of political and economic strife. Meaning that they are SUPER FUCKING POPULAR right now, and have been for a while. You might know that I'm a Seeker (tarot practitioner), but I'm also a scientist. I'm... not the most spiritual person.

But, like, FUCK IT. Time to become a witch. Time to creep into the wild woods and make a hut and live with the bears. TIME TO CURSE SOME MF-ers!

I told my reasonable friend. Here is our conversation:

Hidden: So I'm googling witch books.

Friend: No. We don't turn to magic in the face of tragedy. We drink hot cocoa.

Hidden: FINE I GUESS (hrmph!!!!)

I told another friend the same:

Friend: How are you holding up?

Hidden: Googling how to become a witch. So... yeah.

Friend: How... how DO you become a witch?

Hidden: IDK, that's why I'm googling it.

Sigh. I might still buy that book on the history of witchcraft and paganism. What, it's history! xD

-Otherwise, I've been weirdly fortunate that work has been so demanding. I've been learning more about in silico analysis lately (using huge protein databases to predict how developable a new antibody based drug might be, which residues to change, and how immunogenic your antibody might be). I'm learning and doing so much that I come home exhausted, but like. Maybe that's the lack of sleep on Tuesday night talking.

-I've been leaning into the animal of myself these last few days. The soft, squishy, vulnerable meat of me. Sleep and work and food and relying on my partner bond with my husband. Listening to his heartbeat, feeling the low rumble of his voice when we cuddle, letting skin on skin release safe and happy hormones.

-I think I need to get off reddit and its eternal doom. Like, permanently. Tumblr and Insta are the only other social media I use, but Tumblr is all digimon and Insta is all cats and dolls. I'm hoping the political posts that aren't primarily actionable die down on Tumblr soon, so I don't need to spend less time here, but obviously people need to post what they are going to post. If I'm here less, this is likely why.

Most of all, do what you can to beat back despair. I don't really have comforting words, except that you're not alone. Other people DO think and feel the way you do now. Let's all try to be there for each other, distract one another, and maybe have some hugs and hot drinks. Or like... start a coven, idk.

You are loved. Ask for help if you need to, offer it if you can.

[strangevampy]

yapping :3

i know i come back to post like once a year, but i thought i'd talk about how college is going and everything going on in my life. i know damn well nobody here cares (not trying to be all emo, i mean like- eh you get what i mean..) and- idk, too much shit has gone on. firstly, i havent exactly graduated from high school yet, im in this dual enrollment program, but i dont actually have any high school classes to take anymore? if that makes sense? im at this community college full time, and only go in 4/5 days out of the school week for like 1 hour each day (im off on fridays). I think it's really nice, and it'll put me ahead once i transfer to the college i actually want to attend (A&T!! Aggie pride or whatever lol). My mom wants me to pursue a master's degree, so i dont see why i shouldnt. Also, I want a degree in Computer Science, and I really want to be a game/software developer. I know people say 'AI will taker over all our jobs!!! you all will be out of a career!!' I.. don't exactly fear that, but, only time will tell I guess... (TW for SA talk after this, so if u don't like that, feel free to scroll.) secondly, I was in some relationship that I ended around May and i didn't really find out he- violated me, i guess, until after I ended it. I was telling my friends about a certain incident where I went it to give him a small kiss on the lips before leaving school and he took it further than I wanted and it really bothered me, and they told me that it was SA, and that realization sent me down a bit of a spiral. In addition, we used to make out and stuff in the school stairwell (bad idea, i know, dumb shit..), but after I ended this and got with my current boyfriend, whenever we were in a stairwell alone together, even if we're just walking through, I got- scared? almost? like an overwhelming urge to keep my distance and watch him, and- i really didn't like that. ive already had too many encounters with boys talking about my body in ways i didn't appreciate, and after i broke up with him he sent me some lame ass fucking apology about how 'he feels so guilty :(' like i would care. idk. i feel like im going through some 5 stages of grief LMAO. i've been working through it, but it still feels weird. bleh, idk >.< uhh some other stuff... i identify as goth (i like the term babybat so i prefer that lol) and started leaning more towards that kind of style and culture and expressing myself more freely now. i LOVE androgynous style, and basically aim to confuse people on whether im male or female in the near future. ummm uhhh i dunno :3 im more into video games and stuff, i rlly like honkai star rail and project sekai (ace attorney and sally face will always be my comfort games though) and uhhh idk what else to add. to anyone reading, please remember to love. uts damn near 3 am and idk what im saying anymore but pls show those around u that u love and care for them. you never know what a person is going thru, and your beautiful soul may just make more than a difference than u know. thanks for listening to my schizo ramblings.,.. goobnight....