#spending years hating him just to
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started saying “I love you” to my dad again after all these years and it’s weird. because I think I actually mean it
#spending years hating him just to#not anymore#and now he’s older and… it’s so weird#tbh recently the only person I’ve said it to is Chevy because duh#and sometimes friends but I have a weird trauma with the phrase#so it’s weird#but honestly I think I’m almost over it because of Chevy#when I think of love o think of them and all the good feelings instead of my trauma#bleh#feeeeeelings
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Bingqiu roleswap where disciple Shen Yuan knows he's gay, and figures out that he has a big huge crush on his handsome Shizun, but also concludes nearly at once that he's not going to be drawing Luo Binghe's eye any time soon. Firstly, Luo Binghe is notoriously straight. Secondly, even if he weren't, he wouldn't go for his scrawny untalented nerd of a disciple! Shen Yuan's not bad looking, not before or after transmigrating, but he's neither a beautiful nor a hot manly man, and he assumes if Luo Binghe were into dudes he'd be into the same kinds of twunks that Shen Yuan likes. Guys on his own level, etc etc.
Plus Luo Binghe hated the original disciple Shen, and only started to warm up to the transmigrated version after Shen Yuan got injured in front of him trying to stop the other disciples on the peak from killing a small animal. For some reason, Luo Binghe brought Shen Yuan medicine. He got even nicer after Shen Yuan distracted the skinner demon by trying to convince it to take his skin instead of Luo Binghe's, and then again when Shen Yuan successfully fought off a demon invader -- though initially when Luo Binghe volunteered him for that job, he thought it was an assassination attempt. His heart was in his throat when Luo Binghe nearly took a poisoned blow for him, but luckily he reacted more quickly and got hit by the thorns instead. His heavenly demon blood took care of the poison, and he managed to convince everyone that he narrowly avoided getting cut at all.
Shen Yuan's careful not to read anything into it when Luo Binghe finds out about his, erm, uncomfortable dormitory situation and moves him into the side room, or when he completely messes up trying to make dinner and Luo Binghe takes over cooking and bans him from the kitchen (he swears he's not actually that bad at cooking, he just never had to use a kitchen without a microwave or an electric hot plate before...)
After all, it's not like Luo Binghe is cooking for him, he's just making food he likes and letting Shen Yuan eat it too! Because he's nice! He's way nicer than the book gave him credit for being, see, clearly Shen Yuan was correct in signing up for his defense squad, "top ten worst villains of all time" his ass that poll was nonsense...
Unfortunately, though, the plot's still gotta plot. Shen Yuan is heartbroken when the Immortal Alliance Conference rolls around and his shizun stabs him and throws him down into the Endless Abyss. Heartbroken, but not surprised. After all, it was always going to go this way, wasn't it?
But at least, now that it's done, he has some agency in how he reacts to it. He's changed the story enough that he doesn't need to go get revenge. Maybe Luo Binghe's still the villain of his story, maybe that was inevitable, but some heroes let the villains get away. Don't they? It's all part of that noble, breaking the cycle of abuse type stuff. He can be that kind of hero. He can let it go. As long as he avoids Luo Binghe altogether, it should be fine, right? It's not like he's obligated to turn people into human sticks. He asked the system, he's definitely not!
Technically he's not even required to conquer the demon realms. He just has to get out of the Abyss and the be sufficiently cool and/or tragic. Conquest is just one means of doing that, and not even Shen Yuan's preferred, since he doesn't exactly want to rule over anybody. Going around the demon realms beating up some jackasses and rescuing some damsels in distress and becoming sworn brothers with Shang Qinghua, one of the current demon kings, is suitable. He definitely doesn't want to marry any of the damsels he encounters (thank fuck the system lets him off the hook for that!)
But eventually he has to go back to the human world. Not only is it mandated by the system, but he also misses living there. The demonic realms are in many ways better than expected, plus a lot of the monsters are really cool, but he misses the weather and plants and the people he's more accustomed to being around.
He misses Qing Jing Peak, if he's being honest with himself. Shizun's cooking and the bamboo forest and the crisp mountain breezes, the comforts of home.
Not that he can actually go back there in specific. Of course not. If he did that, Luo Binghe would try to kill him, or else the system would try and make him kill Luo Binghe. Bad ideas all around. No, he can't go back to Qing Jing Peak, but he can go find someplace nicer than the demon realms at least. He just has to keep a low profile, which shouldn't be hard since the original goods did that even while actively scheming to kill his former master!
Except.
Everywhere he goes, suddenly Luo Binghe is also there?!
Good thing Shen Yuan thought to take a page out of the book of Luo Binghe's actual love interest, Liu Mingyan, and start wearing a veil. He just didn't want any randos who might have seen him at the Immortal Alliance Conference or on any of the other missions his shizun sent him on to recognize him. But one minute he's investigating a strange case in Jinlan City, and the next the streets are full of Huan Hua cultivators (Shen Yuan has no intention of joining them, that's the path the original took to getting revenge! He doesn't want revenge!), and then Luo Binghe and Sect Leader MBJ and Peak Lord SHL show up, and SY is ducking down alleys and hiding behind columns, just trying to stay out of the way until the lockdown on Jinlan lifts and he can leave.
Except...
Luo Binghe really isn't acting like himself?
He looks like he hasn't been eating or sleeping well. There are dark circles around his eyes, and something almost melancholy in his countenance. And he's dressed entirely in white, none of the usual Qing Jing greens and blues anywhere to be seen. Of even greater concern, he's being reckless. Shen Yuan can't stop himself from rushing out when he sees his former shizun get infected by a sower demon.
Luckily, it's been some years since the last time they saw one another. Shen Yuan's gained a few inches in height, so he's almost at eye-level with his old master now, and though he's still more slender than bulky he's picked up some totally new styles from training the demon realms. He doesn't move the same way he used to. With that, plus the veil, it's enough for him to quickly swallow back his words as he grabs Luo Binghe and quickly administers a cure for the sower infection.
Well, he has one of course. He wouldn't need it himself, heavenly demon blood and all, but his time running around playing hero in the demon realms meant he rescued a lot of humans from such fates. Which is hard to do if you don't have a cure to their afflictions, but between him and Shang Qinghua, sourcing such things was almost easy.
Luo Binghe looks at him like he's just seen a ghost. The other Cang Qiong sect members are alarmed by SY suddenly accosting one of their own and of course find him suspicious, so he runs away right after, and then he has to lose Sha Hualing's pursuit in the city.
But what else could he do? He manages to evade the system's attempts to railroad him into meeting Gongyi Xiao, avoids the rest of the Cang Qiong crowd, and drops some of the cure through the current Qian Cao peak lord's window to get the incident sorted out. Then he flees and puts a good amount of distance between himself, Jinlan City, and every righteous sect he can think of.
The only problem is that after this point, Luo Binghe is everywhere.
Any time Shen Yuan stays in one place for longer than a few days, Qing Jing disciples start turning up. Any time he takes a job hunting some cool-sounding monster or pursuing some interesting tome of knowledge, the better to satisfy the system, it seems like Luo Binghe has selected and gone after the exact same target! Which is especially annoying because back when SY was a disciple, Luo Binghe was always assigning him to do this stuff. Since when does his chronic homebody master have an interesting in six-tailed scorpion lemurs or ancient spiritual kilns?
What's weirder, though, are the rumors.
It seems like any time SY stops at some well-populated place and asks for the latest gossip, he has to hear about how the Qing Jing peak lord lost his beloved disciple during the Immortal Alliance Conference, and mourned like a widow, and now wanders the earth in search of solace for his grief. Seeking something, possibly even the ghost of his dear disciple.
What nonsense! Luo Binghe threw SY into the Abyss himself. He had to do it, it was the plot! And also his obligation as a righteous cultivator, confronted with a "dangerous" half-demon. Does it sting? Yes it stings! That's why SY wouldn't just forget it! Despite logically knowing it's pointless, is there some part of him that wishes his master would have chosen differently? That thinks he should have known that no matter what kind of power Shen Yuan had, he would never use it to hurt people recklessly, or harm innocents, or especially not harm... well. It's pointless, his blood condemned him, and if there is some part of Luo Binghe which regrets what happened, it's doubtless just that he unwittingly harbored a monster for so long.
Which is fine and Shen Yuan would leave it at that, if the guy would just let him!
But no. Instead he has to deal with Luo Binghe turning up and asking him questions, trying to get him to talk (SY has no hope of disguising his voice, if he says anything he's not even sure it won't crack as he comes perilously close to tears instead, so he just stays silent), and then asking for his name, asking if he's mute, asking about his background, his sect, his kin. Is his a righteous cultivator? Where did he get that sword? (NOT Xin Mo, thanks, he used that thing once and then tossed it back into the Abyss before the portal finished closing behind him -- he knows a poisoned chalice when he sees one, although knowing the plot twist about that sword from the novel sure helped.) Where did he learn those forms? Is he... does he have a safe place to go home to? Someone to tend his injuries? Make sure he eats his meals?
SY, of course, stays silent. But it's difficult. Not only because Luo Binghe asks, but because he still looks... bad. Sunken, sorrowful, desperate almost. Shen Yuan can't figure out if he knows or not. Maybe he's unsure, maybe he's looking for SY to give him a sign, so that he can figure him out and then flip a switch and try to finish the job he started.
That can't happen. If they fight, SY will win, and he doesn't want to hurt Luo Binghe.
But even if Luo Binghe's not a heavenly demon, he is a highly accomplished cultivator, and it seems he's got his own breaking points to reach. Eventually he corners SY and gets a hand on his veil, and for a moment SY is sure he's going to rip it off, see his face, and confront him all "I knew it was you, you twisted evil demon, you won't escape justice a second time" and he feels a deep, icy terror close around his lungs--
Luo Binghe lets go of the veil before he can lift it.
But then something even worse happens. Because Shen Yuan's handsome, peerless, noble master breaks down. He falls to his knees, begging forgiveness, sobbing, clutching at his head like he's being driven to madness.
It all spills out of him, then. How he pushed his own dearest disciple into the Abyss, which obviously SY already knew, but also how he was apparently qi-deviating the whole time, and his senses could not differentiate between one kind of demonic "threat" and another. How he realized what he'd done only after he regained his senses hours later, and rushed back to the place where the tear to the Abyss had opened, but could not find a way in after the one he lost. How he had betrayed and thrown away the only person who cared about him, and couldn't even explain that he hadn't intended to. How he would accept anything, any punishment, hatred, penance, or revenge, if only he could see his disciple's face once more.
SY is stunned.
Apparently, Luo Binghe hadn't rejected him for his demon blood?
Not only that, but beforehand, he seemed to have valued Shen Yuan a lot more than Shen Yuan would have credited.
Is it a trick? Is he lying? SY would have guessed so, would have assumed that Luo Binghe's plan was to lull him into complacency only to turn on him once he finally had confirmation. But somehow, he just... doesn't think this is an insincere display. His old master is too cool for this stuff! He has too much dignity to just throw it away on a scheme! There are other ways to get what he wants.
Even if it is a lie, Shen Yuan is tired of running. He's the hero. He won't actually lose, and if it comes to it, it's still in his hands to decide if he wants to spare Luo Binghe or not (he does, of course he does, even if this whole spiel is an act). Plus he's got a backup plant body in one of Shang Qinghua's greenhouses if all goes to shit.
He takes the veil off himself.
Luo Binghe, teary-eyed, stares at him as if his face is the most beautiful he's ever seen.
Shen Yuan nearly puts the veil back on. His cheeks heat up. Dear Shizun, aren't you an immortal master? A noble peak lord? Isn't it your calling to vanquish demons? Get up off the dirty ground right this minute! Where did your dignity go? Shen Yuan did not spend all those nights doing the laundry to watch his teacher dirty his knees for no good reason!
There's a quaver in Luo Binghe's voice as he points out that Shen Yuan was terrible at doing laundry. Luo Binghe had to redo it the day after, all the time.
Shen Yuan chides at him that he should have made one of the other disciples do it then.
Luo Binghe just laughs, and stays on the ground, until finally Shen Yuan has to physically pull him up. Muttering about how he's being ridiculous, what's he crying for, why's he been moping so much, doesn't he know that handsome face should never look so bereft? Then he realizes what he's saying and shuts his mouth, but Luo Binghe just looks happy for the first time in years. Since the Abyss. How is it possible that SY, who actually had to slog through that awful place, can still smile more than Luo Binghe, who didn't?
They're standing so close. Holding on to one another. Almost as if... as if the scene's tone is... well...
Oh what the hell!
Shen Yuan closes the last little bit of distance between them, and kisses Luo Binghe.
#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#bingqiu#long post#of course the plot probably interferes further then#turns out that while luo binghe was desperately trying to get sy back he accidentally woke up sy's father#who for this au let's say is sj instead of tlj#sj does NOT approve of this match and also hates all the righteous cultivators (and demons... and everyone mostly...)#but he is also busy trying to resurrect yqy or something#kidnaps sy like well I missed the chance to raise you and actually that's probably for the best but now I need your blood#for Reasons#luo binghe is not a fan of this turn of events#reverse holy mausoleum arc when SY is mostly unconscious except to sometimes throw out advice and LBH is dodging traps and villains#the pining-over-the-dead-shizun arc is probably AFTER the holy mausoleum and lbh self-destructs to rescue sy from sj's plans#sy refuses to accept this outcome he decided luo binghe was NOT to die he didn't need a redemption arc he was FINE sy DECIDED#but luckily they're in the holy mausoleum so sy grabs a resurrection artifact of some kind#has to spend a few years restoring and maintaining lbh's corpse before he can get the to actually work but it's fine#he's fine everything's fine he's GOING to get lbh back lbh is NOT ALLOWED TO DIE#luckily unhinged sy results in way less collateral damage than unhinged lbh#so mostly he just fights off mbj's attempts to honorably recover his shidi's body and offer him a proper burial#while camping out in the holy mausoleum and arguing with sj's detached body parts#y'know normal healthy behavior
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It was Maid Day today yesterday a week ago so I got struck by inspiration to draw the worsties, and it ran away from me into a whole AU where they’re coworkers at a maid cafe. She’s a med student & this is just a part time job, and this is his depression job while he gets his life back together. He needs something he can be workaholic about to forget what it’s like having a personal life and personal issues. He’s actually the accountant, but the new hire janitor (Izutsumi) doesn’t show up for half her shifts and is a sloppy worker, so he gets the extra work of doing her job on top of his because he’s undervalued and overworked. Of course, janitors also have an uniform to keep the aesthetic cohesion as they go about cleaning the place, of course.
Senshi’s the part time cook you only see slivers off, he’s kind and warm when you do see him and have a chat but most shifts he’s in and out the kitchen without a trace. Laios and Falin are regulars because Falin and Marcille are besties & in the same med school, Laios accompanies Falin as she visits her friend at work and gets hooked on the food. Chilchuck has to remind Marcille to work instead of chatting with Falin for an hour, and next thing he knows she’s distracting him from work too. That’s it that’s the AU. Inspired by this idol AU fanart a bit <3
This was not meant to be birthday gift but well…… Happy bday Chil!!!
Read from left to right
#Dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#Chilchuck tims#marcille donato#spoilers#dunmeshi au#Maid cafe au#Marchil#Workwife marchil save me. Kabuholm in the background bc i said so lmao#i think people forget marci n chil are coworker worsties first and foremost. Ppl should capitalize on it more#The orange hair swag that makes him look like a marketable idol more#You can tell idk how to draw maid outfits. I hate those hats sm I will miku miku beam them out of existence#Marcille does change her hairstyle everyday btw#they don’t get back together btw she goes you haven’t talked to me in 4 years and he immediately goes YOU haven’t talked to ME in 4–#i mean ehem i’m sorry haha… while Marcille is like 4 years?! 4 years…#Mei only did it bc Fler has been getting jittery again kept sighing#I wanted to draw Chil with a car key at his belt but it wasn’t meant to be#idk if marchil ever gets together in this one it’s an eternal summer coworker with tension situationship au#romance is when you slowly deteriorate his work ethics so he starts skipping on his worktime to spend it at the front messing around w you#once he’s blessedly in the office and he hears this huge crash and the Marci just goes ‘…… Chiiiiiil?’ cue sigh and having to repair#the coffee machine. So many lil comics i couldn’t indulge myself to draw save me#shoutout to the time as a cashier in training at a convenience store I was left by my coworker who was supposed to wash the greasy chicken#oven but didn’t so I had to clean it for the first time myself while I was alone in the store and was also supposed to man the front#Shoutout to my convenience store’s accountant helping us with cashier duties often when there was less job to do ty ty#Understaffed struggles are so real#People also call Chil a manager because the boss is most often away so he just does everything#There’s no union but maybe one day he’ll get to overthrow the boss idk#The pay IS good at least#Modern au
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sorry thinking about him.m y snarky beautiful perfect little angel
#has never had a bad hair day. spends two hours picking out jewelry every day despite complaining about his crew being lazy#has never done anything wrong at least according to himself#also has the biggest ego possibly ever make of that what you will#id call him a princess but he does hate monarchy. does he also marry a royal yes but we dont talk about that its very complicated#i should make more pirate renders#or like i will ive just you know focused on actually writing#im at 70k words its gettting very real it only took like 6 years of rewriting and trying to make sense of the actual plot
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as much as I would like to believe that Frederick and Asuka could be friends again, like, Freddy is building that rocket as fast as he can to kick his ass before the residual FoC and Gear power leaves his body. I'm sorry. I know I'm the Asuka apologist but dude. Nearly 2 centuries of the most unimaginable agony and festering sense of betrayal, compounded by Asuka goading him intentionally on multiple occassions (his reasoning behind all this goading aside) he is not just going to be able to let that go.
Asuka's crimes against humanity are one thing, you can argue til you're blue in the face about that and there's actual ground to cover there, but what he did to Frederick and Aria is like... damn dude. You, without their consent, turned them into gears. You lied about it to their faces too. Aria, someone who is cited as having her identity and who she is as a human being be one of the most important things to her, trusted you to put her into cryosleep because you said you'd find a way to save her so that she could be with Frederick. She didn't want that, she wanted to stay and spend the time she had left with Frederick instead, but she let you convince her cause she trusted you. And you took away her body, identity, and autonomy. You took Sol's humanity from him following that, lied to him about it, and then spent 200 years pissing him off so bad on purpose to make sure he'd always be there to help you fix everything. Oh, and then you made him kill his wife that you mutilated. Twice, essentially.
I love you Asuka, but shit, that's all kinds of levels of fucked my man. Frederick justifiably hates you really REALLY bad. I hope we get something in Dual Rulers settling this, cause Frederick just letting that go even following the events of Strive is just kinda unrealistic.
#sairambles#guilty gear#frederick bulsara#sol badguy#asuka r kreutz#aria hale#I've been thinking about it a lot recently#I think it'd take me like actual years to cover just this dynamic between the three of them alone#like Asuka and Sol being friends is important to me but#it's not really feasible. Sol's whole life and world was ruined for about 2 centuries#and Asuka is manipulative! He admits to that!#like at the end of the day it sucks but the price of saving the world was his most important relationships#and that is a tragedy because his very desire to cling desperately to the most important people in his life#is exactly what ruined him in the end#and that fucks me up SO bad#and then you gotta feel for Freddy too#like he essentially got caught in the crossfire#I forgot to talk about it in the post but he also had to spend those centuries suppressing violent gear bloodlust#like he wears that limiter for a reason#and Asuka made him that way on purpose. He “needed a warrior” as he says in Overture#it's all just. so fucked#it's crazy to see how much AsuSol there is and then how much “Sol hates Ky” there is next to it#Like... Sol and Ky are borderline familial#ESPECIALLY by the end of Xrd#Asuka though? He wants to kill that guy. Or at the VERY least beat him within an inch of his life#and even then man like#is that going to be enough?#after aria and 200 years of agony#like how much ass beating is really going to make you feel better? Is there any amount of violence that will let you get it all out?#shit man I don't think any amount would be enough for me
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sitting around pondering those luigi brothers rn
#botched art#super mario#yes i let my sonic fixation into this sketchpage too#because while i was staring at the brothership models it kept occurring to me#how many features and proportions mario in particular has with sonic#luigi is lankier so it doesn't hit quite as strong with him#i also kept staring at the Shading Circle thinking like#“that can't be it. there has to be more. there isn't even a highlight”#but that's the thing#the cell shading doesn't have a highlight on the character models#just a thin black outline and the soft shading on the veeeery edge of minimal features#these bros are mostly flat colors!! and being in-game seeing them moving tricks my brain into seeing more depth than there is#i'm still so bad at drawing these two after years of various attempts#it starts with the face shape. trying to place the cheek curve while knowing that it'll be covered by the nose and mustache anyway#then its the nose. god i hate trying to draw the nose#then its the ear hair which i can never quite place right#and after struggling with all that i sweat profusely and spend 20 minutes just trying to sketch the mustache#then have to adjust said mustache a minimum of 5 more times until it looks right#and then the hats?? the fucking hats????#you'll notice i didn't draw them for the purposes of this page. guess why. guess.
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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if you didn’t like tsats that’s completely valid, however I truly feel like many of y’all are making shit up… because yes, the book is indeed not the best book ever written, but some of you guys just completely erase 90% of it and MAKE UP critiques abt things that are literally NOT THERE
Which is funny but, also, what are you saying?
For instance, I’ve seen many many people saying that tsats heavily suggested a “Will is trying to fix Nico” narrative and let me tell you! You need reading glasses, because that did NOT happen. One of the main points in Will’s character development was quite literally and explicitly him accepting his own darkness, and the fact that it’s okay to not always and solely be “light”. I don’t know what could possibly make y’all say otherwise when it’s not even “heavily implied” but EXPLICIT that’s what happened. There’s a very present change bwtween how Will reacts to the underworld initially (qnd I could make a whole post abt it cause y’all need to lowkey give him a break) and how he does later in the book. Or maybe I should mention the whole Aphrodite scene? Or his reaction to the cocopuffs (=literally Nico’s demons)? Or even the JOKE of the “really dark toast”??
What on earth did you guys read?
Not to mention people who critic things that got solved in the books… like that’s also wild as well im sorry ijbol😭😭 (mind you, it’s never a critique abt HOW an issue was solved in tsats, which would be valid and make sense. Its just a complaint about something either of the previous books or that was made up, and later got explicity solved in tsats)
#yall just dislike Will solace#that’s the truth ijbol#you hate him and you make up shit about him to try and find reasons to bc people are mad at u#because it’s absurd to be so wrong about shit that was explicitly addressed in the book#I could also spend years talking abt how y’all treat those characters but I won’t#not today at least#mind you this isn’t me saying you can’t dislike tsats#I want to make this clear#just that many of you don’t have rational critiques#sue me?#will solace#pjo hoo toa#percy jackon and the olympians#solangelo#william andrew solace#percy jackson#nico di angelo#will solace solos#pjo#william solace#cocopuffs tsats#tsats#tsats2#tsats sequel#tsats anti
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Well Critters the year is almost up, at least for me here in England. Aside from the general pensiveness and reflection of the past year, it also means I'm about to (technically) complete my first full year of following the CR episodes as they came out; a year full of twists, turns, uprisings, downfalls, and just so much going on - only for the campaign to now be nearing its end.
We knew the end was coming sure, but since December's 4SD announced itself as the last of the campaign the number of episodes remaining has grown more finite, likely to be around 1-4 more episodes, and confronting the end is very different to acknowledging it ending. Admittedly in the confronting part I've become a liiiiittle bit of a mess, loaded with panic and worry beyond my own control; I sometimes tell myself that I'm being silly, they're fictional characters, the story's likely already recorded its end, and I never had any control or influence on the story to begin with, but as expected such attempts are both hollow and in vain. It's been a while since I was this invested in a story, or fandom for that matter, and the fact that most key and decisive moments will be determined by dice rolls continuously does nothing to soothe my nerves, or my uncertainties towards how it'll end - after all, the hardest battle has yet to be fought, the biggest decisions yet to be made, and Ludinus Da'leth is way WAY too calm about being trapped in a Force Cage for my liking.
I wonder if the fear and dread was the same for those watching the end of the previous two campaigns? If it was more or less than it is now by comparison? In hindsight, while the final stage so far feels more grounded compared to the more spectacular, massive miniature, larger-than-life endgame battles against Vecna and Lucien's Neo-Somnovem phases, it feels like the stakes are riskier for Bells Hells, on a low Level 15 with no cleric, dismal openings for additional support, and little wiggle room to get creative, especially since killing Ludinus - who continues to be touted as the 'strongest mage of our time' and could get even stronger depending on which way Matt goes with him - alone potentially won't end the overarching conflict, though he should still die nonetheless. At the very least I want the Hells (as we have for VM and the Nein) to all be free to live happily, be it settling down, embarking on new adventures, or just being the best they can be - and doing so with the people that mean the most to them - and at the very most I want them to make the best and kindest decision for the world as a whole, which I hope they get the chance and take the opportunity to do so.
It's still difficult to ready myself for it ending mind you, since I could have very easily spent another year with these idiots and still not be fully ready to say goodbye to them. On that however, I know not everyone shares my sentiment; some are truly ready for the campaign to be over and for C4 for explode (pun intended) onto the scene with brand new characters that in a few years time we'll also likely be unready to say goodbye to, and that's fine. But for all that can and will be said about Campaign 3 - positively and critically - it has very much delighted, disheveled, and deranged me for most of the year, usually at my desk of work, so trying to brace myself for the climax has, and continues to be, a lot of mental effort. Keeping myself positive and hopeful in these situations is tough especially when on the verge of a big battle; sometimes the negative thoughts creep in, Youtube videos full of pessimists and clickbait titles appearing unwantedly on my recommendations don't help, nor does the memory of what happened the last time the Hells were in a major boss battle at the tail end of their time on Ruidus, but when the campaign does end I want it to be looked upon fondly, and a lot of that does hinge on its conclusion. Obviously, I trust the group and Matt's storytelling, but that is only to an extent; defeating Ludinus is something I know Bells Hells are capable of doing - so long as the dice gods play ball and Matt doesn't inexplicably overbuff Ludinus to the nth degree like he did with Otohan - but the Predathos decision remains the root and focal point of the campaign's criticisms for good reason, often overshadowing and playing obstacle to character growth and direction. There is a satisfying and spectacular conclusion in there, but navigating it - even for a group that embraces 'when given two options, we pick option 3' more times than not - let alone achieving it is a very delicate path of fine margins, one that can indeed make or break the campaign - and a lot of my worries lie there, that and approaching/confronting an entity so voracious and eager to escape that it makes the gods terrified enough to deliberate breaking down the Divine Gate.
Without talking more to death about the god stuff and Predathos thing like we the fandom have already done aplenty, there's not much else I can say except that I'm worried but also trying to be hopeful. The campaign ending in tragedy or a pyrrhic victory is possible but it's not an outcome I personally desire or want to entertain. You could perhaps aptly translate that to my general feelings towards the new year too; having wants and wishes, hopes and hesitancies, fears and fandom, just currently a bit more compressed here than it is for the full year - and given our recent run of the years playing dystopia simulator, I'm more hopeful in one than the other right now - and perhaps it would do good to start the year with something to smile about. Right now, it's just that it's happening; it's happening, it's soon, and it's very apparent how close we are to finishing, which means I'm panicking and rambling, and panicking, and of course, rambling. I don't know what emotions will January send me through, but I do hope with all my being that they'll be positive ones.
So whether or not you reached the end of this, I wish you all a Happy New Year and, much like the end of Campaign 3, I hope it's a good one.
#critical role#cr3#c3 spoilers#campaign 3#bells hells#cr spoilers#waiter could I get a serving of rambling with a side of panic and dread - medium reflection on a bed of edits no sauces#also your finest bottle of fretting - one that desires for things to hit the right notes amongst the maelstrom of my imagined scenarios#the cast are all devious though because they know to play coy and with our emotions - I love and hate (affectionately) them so XD#'now Danny make sure to keep things short and sweet annnnnnd that's seven paragraphs...'#god knows what I'll be like when OP ends - in like 2055 or something#CR's 10th year is gonna be huge anyway between this and the M9 wedding one-shot alone - not to mention the other one shots and maybe C4#we started the year getting on the moon and we'll start the new year wrapping up stuff on the moon#my prayer circle is very much in full force too - gonna be all jitters every Thursday night/Friday morning for a while#if I can fight the sleep I'll try to watch 118 live - in hopes it's the one where Ludinus' ancient elf ass gets handed to him permanently#since I spend most of my pto during the xmas period I have that thursday off - but after that I'll be doing the usual Friday morning panic#I hope someone has at least enjoyed my slow descent into madness this past year#just...y'know! Pull it off! I know you can do it! Roll well (not you Matt) be well and make the right choices!
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just call me pain and sorrow because I belong to Maximus no matter what he does
#I’M SORRY i hate myself for this#but it came to me in a vision#WHY does he have to suffer so#what did he ever do#was he too honorable??#too loyal to his family?? his men? his country and emperor???#was he too kind and compassionate? too brave and noble???#was he just too perfect to exist without trouble???#is it the biblical Job syndrome???#HE DIDN’T DESERVE IT#he deserved to be happy in his beloved home with his precious wife and son#he deserved to live to be old and gray#to have dozens of grandchildren and a legacy that would live on for years#i will write a thousand fics about it until it becomes reality#the way everything i write is me searching for a way to give him a happy ending#featuring myself as his love#OH to be loved as maximus loves#oh to be treasured and cherished and protected and loved by him#i would spend every breath of my life loving him#so gladly#I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT HIM#gladiator#text posts#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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anyways since i had the misfortune of accidentally reading his name again today, i'd like to remind everyone that this fucking weirdo (sylvain charlebois) exists and he thinks that women are ruining meat for everyone and that meat—yes the entire food group of meat—is for men only and eating meat is somehow a gendered activity ????
there are THREE factors listed in that last sentence and this moron was like "it's the fault of the wimmin"
#this is like the only quote i know about him and i just fucking hate him#i'm not gonna link the article bc i don't respect any of this but it's easy to find with that doozy of a quote#my next post-period steak is going to be this man#you know if i had the energy and time i'm almost certain i could dig in#and find a correlation between the fetishistic way meat has been historically advertized to men#and the postwar era where everyone was too fucking poor to buy it#so instead of driving down prices#male execs targeted other male consumers (men earn and spend more especially in the postwar times)#which something something domino effect to how the bacon craze of however many years ago#was insidious weirdly sexual/gendered corporate advertizing as well#https://deadspin.com/you-like-bacon-because-they-told-you-to-1642981536#jj stuff
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Xue Yang DEFINITELY not caring for Xiao Xingchen
#i mean even wei wuxian only talked to him for like half an hour before being like#'uhm i'm pretty sure u don't just hate him'#local man spends years trying to bring his worst enemy back to life#also while keeping the last gift he received from said man#xue yang#the untamed#mdzs
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horrible little imp man is plaguing my thoughts once more
#R TO THE I TO THE V-E-R!!#chaotic ramblings#head in my hands. i havent even seen that part#james spider webb#i hate him so much no i dont hes my little baby. but i want to bash his head into the sidewalk#look at him. he's batshit insane#spends the entirety of the first season being fucking pathetic well at least he's competent in the first half of the second season.#i get the impression that he starts being pathetic again in the second half#“yes yes it's a terrible loss” i Need him to interact with roddy#his conversation with taverner has me chewing up drywall what do you meeeean that's and actor. what do you mean#augh he's just so. he's so pleased w himself when he walks into that office but she really puts him in his place huh#this man's problem is that he doesn't know when to Not. he cannot just Stop Doing Things.#he's a lot like river in that regard but he would never admit that in a million years
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I've been playing a lot of stardew valley and now I REALLY want to draw Blue Lock x Stardew Valley
(I have so many ideas to draw fjekkfjf check tags)
#isagi would 100% be the farmer#Rin and Sae would be like Haley and Emily but Sae absolutely ignores the existence of Rin and Rin hates him over the years#BACHIRA WOULD BE LIKE SAM he'd check to see who moved to Stardew and immediately cling to Isagi because he had no one else to hang out with#Shidow would be Linus. That man is homeless#Nagi would be Sebastian but instead he spends all of year 1 locked in his basement so you cant befriend him#Instead of Joja Mart you'd have Mikage Co#if you buy the membership Reo builds a mansion for himself where the community house is and he moves to Blue Lock Hills#yeah its Blue Lock Hills now not Pelican town#If you get Reo to move in he befriends Nagi and he comes out of his house in year 1 and you can FINALLY befriend him#Later in the Mikage route Reo builds a new community house immediately after he moves in anyway#and even if you dont buy a membership nagi buys one in year 2 and he destroys the comm house#you essentially just start the route later LOL you cant avoid Reo#Kunigami is Alex but he becomes all emo once he fails the university soccer tournament in year 2#Chigiri is the princess who lives where Elliot is and everyone is suspicious hes a mermaid or siren#JFOEKFJ I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS#oh also the mayor is Ego OBVIOUSLY and Anhri is his poor underpaid assistant#blue lock#stardew valley
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how do you see mulder leaving in season 9? scully giving up william? how do they deal with these things? (their guilt, resentment, futility, etc)
i know i have a realllllllly unpopular opinion on all of this but as i've said recently, i just don't think there's anything easier on earth to convince mulder of than "things are safer if you're not here."
i usually come back to doggett's confusion in the beginning, the way he keeps asking and arguing and scully just keeps saying "he's gone" and shutting it down, until the end of the premiere when he realizes: "oh my god. it was scully. scully made him go."
god, it's sad. it's hard to talk about. i teared up trying to write this, as much as i am fonder of the storyline than most. i don't find it unrealistic or out of character or unfitting of the narrative. it doesn't mean i don't feel it's heartbreaking. i have such a hard time thinking of mulder missing that baby. not even having the chance to put up a fight, walking back into empty rooms. the show as a tragedy, finding your burden again, etc. the x-files as the gap between teary smiles at baby kicks to screams in a jail cell. as what it was in the beginning: unknowable answers to insurmountable grief.
and i just think about mulder's dramatic emails, writing that he doesn't think he can survive being away from them. spender looking at the baby and telling scully he's heard "so much" about him. mulder being tortured by soldiers, saying he's just thinking about his son. keeping 1 baby photo for 15 years. "i just missed both of you so much."
scully's fertility treatments and her prayers and her tears and her "last chance" and her miracle. and how deeply unfair it is, what happened to her. i don't think a single one of us could say what we could do if people kept breaking into our homes to suffocate a child we were still nursing. she didn't ever want to do it alone, that was never the plan.
but scully desperately wants to keep everybody safe. she thinks she’s keeping everybody safe. it’s hard to be starbuck. it's this conflict i keep talking about recently where you really start to notice how controlled she is by fear, how difficult it is for her to balance it all. my favorite visual on this is the gate at the house in i want to believe: every day the way she pulls up to it, gets out, opens it, pulls through, stops, gets out, closes it. repeat in reverse. and then she comes home and she says "the truth is, i worry about you." and that he's too isolated. turns around and shuts the door, leaves the house and locks the gate.
i wrote a bit a few weeks ago about scully's protectiveness and it made me think about what a trap it can be, how defending lends to fear and fear lends to defeat. to standing in a church 25-years deep and saying "i failed." in the tags of that post i asked "could they ever recover from her exiling him from being with their child because she was afraid it would kill him?" and said i don't know. and i don't, i don't know.
but i think there's something so brave in saying: i did the best i could, and maybe that wasn't right. it's why ghouli is one of my favorite episodes. scully sobbing to her son that she's sorry. she's sorry he doesn't know them. she wanted him, they loved him. "i was trying to keep you safe. i hope you know that." and she thought she was being strong, but maybe she was wrong.
things don't always shake out the way you want them to. it was always mulder that called their son a miracle, and mulder doesn't believe in miracles. mulder believes in the world, and the search, and the after.
#who upppppp our-ing their boros#in a way i also think it almost makes it harder that mulder is always trying to absolve her#even in that scene in ghouli he tells her 'you have nothing to apologize for'#that's not much to rut up against for someone who says she 'hates' herself in 'founder's mutation'#and lists her failures in 'nothing lasts forever' (i thought we could live together; i thought i could protect our son; i gave up)#i just think about how impossible it must be to desperately want to have a child with someone because you want that with them specifically#and then always have one not the other#scully spent her entire pregnancy staying alive for the baby when mulder was dead.#the entire first year of his life reaching for him every time she talked about mulder or read mulder's emails. singing him the same song.#keeping the fish tank#star mobiles and solar system onesies#and then she spends the rest of her life with just 1 of them#how painful it must be to create a person because you love someone; hold them close because you miss someone; then lose them#and follow around the origin and the reminder and the loss forever#idk. i got nothing.#my 2cents tho is that it's perfectly in character#scully always wants to throw away the key. mulder only knows how to love in absence.#that's just how it shakes out#asks
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biggest plot twist in this game is that sidon is really messy
#it's way too damn hot rn so this looks like ass but that's not the point. this fucking plot twist is making me lose my mind#alleged childhood friend fiancée in and of itself is a reveal but the addition of the gay fucking statue in place of mipha?! SIDON?!?!?!?#like the fact that it says she's his childhood friend too like can you IMAGINE!!!!!!!!!#you've been friends with the prince since he was a kid and then 100 years later he spends the night with some hylian#and then that hylian gets a statue OF HIM RIDING HIS BACK?!?!?!?!??!?! WHERE THE STATUE OF HIS DEAD SISTER USED TO BE?!?!?!?!??!#absolutely insane. incredible. i'm obsessed.#now let's all remember to be normal about yona and not hate her just for being a woman who's with sidon okay? smile :)#totk#totk spoilers#botw#hh art#loz
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i love my husband but im gonna murder him if he defers moving out of nyc for one more goddamn month
#we were supposed to leave in AUGUST!!!!#it is DECEMBER!!!#our last move date was jan 25 2025 and guess who wants to stay in nyc until the end of feb?? JUST GUESS#HINT: ITS NOT ME!!!#im so angry#why can't we get out of here#this is an expensive hellhole#our management co doesn't do shit and we keep getting pests and they won't do repairs#and there's no fucking jobs and groceries cost an arm and a leg and we can't afford to pay my medical bills cause of all the money#we have to spend on rent and food and we can't travel and we can't raise a baby here- we can't even get a second cat!- and i just#i'm done#i'm so done#he keeps saying how excited he is to finish his phd and move on with our lives and here we are. still not done with the phd almost SEVEN#years into a FIVE YEAR PROGRAM#not moving on with our lives in the slightest#now his mother wants to pay our rent because his school isn't gonna pay him anymore to do his phd since it's gone on so long#and i dont WANT her charity i dont WANT to rely on her for ANYTHING#especially because of how she's treated me in the past#but i have no choice if we're staying here another month or two!! fuck!!#i hate it here i hate it im gonna walk into the fucking ocean
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