#specifically demi- or gray-romantic for me

[strixa]

The middle-aged queer femme problem of, “Am I on the aro spectrum, or am I just sick of cleaning up after everyone?”

[onesidedradiostatic]

I'd like to know your full opinion on shipping Alastor, despite him being AroAce. I've seen conflicting opinions on it from AroAce People. I've seen some AroAce people say that shipping is taking away rep(and point out that people would be pissed if this was done to, say, Angel Dust), but I've seen other AroAce people saying it's fine and it's a spectrum. (A friend of mine who I believe is aroace takes it into consideration and makes it part of the shipping and story) Personally I'm on the spectrum(gray-ace and demiromantic), but I'm not AroAce in the way people usually think so I'm not sure I have a right to comment on it. I can also see both sides of the conversation.

(I had this in my drafts for a bit now so this ask is old)

I've mentioned time and time again, I personally do not like reciprocated romantic alastor ships. and as someone who possibly falls more under greyro (idfk man), I do not believe alastor falls under that either CANONICALLY, it's just pretty clear to me from the rosie dialogue that alastor is specifically an aroace who is not into dating

but I will not police people for what they ship and I do not think harassment is okay, there's definitely better things to spend your energy on anyways. if it were up to me, the only thing that would exist are one-sided and qpr alastor ships, but it's not up to me, so it is what it is.

it's whatever really, what I care most about is that people don't try to insist he's not aroace in canon to try to give themselves hope that their ship will happen. I care more about our canonical rep (*cough* just fucking solidly confirm it vivzie *cough*) than what people do in fanon even if I don't like it. ultimately, I stay in my own space and don't bother those people as long as they don't bother me.

the main issue with like all of this, why these constant arguments over what type of aroace alastor is exist, is that alastor is our ONLY aspec rep. the aspec community is so varied, favourable, neutral, repulsed, aroallo, alloace, aroace, demi, grey. one singular character cannot possibly singlehandedly encompass ALL our different experiences. he is only ever going to represent one type of aroace, one type of aspec. because he is a singular character. I genuinely think the worst thing to come out of alastor shipping discourse is the amount of aspec infighting I've seen. at the end of the day, we're all starving and we're all fighting over a character who will only ever represent one specific type of aroace.

it's like if every mlm/wlw person only got ONE mlm/wlw character, you may see gay people/lesbians and mspecs fighting over that character because they want the character to represent them, arguing over how mspecs should be allowed to use that character to represent their mspec attraction or gay people/lesbians arguing that the character should firmly remain exclusively attracted to men/women to represent them.

it's a case of people desperately wanting to be represented and aspecs are so underrepresented we never get to see everyone fully represented in a single piece of media.

[allastoredeer]

Controversial opinion but allo alastor fics aren't that bad as long as they're tagged. Demi and gray ace fics also aren't the copout some people claim they are.

I'll take any "alastor is enthusiastically consenting" fic over "Ace Alastor sacrifices his wellbeing because that's what you do if you really love someone". It's really, really disturbing seeing just how many people think ace people should just kind of "suck it up" like you do when you have to clean the toilet.

— a gray-ace who is really, really tired

AGREED

Idk there's something icky about Alastor "sacrificing" his body, celibacy, or whatever because that's what you're "supposed" to do when you love someone. It feels very coercive and, personally, makes me immediately uncomfy (unless this is a darker fic, in which case, let's go, give me that toxic relationship).

And double agree! Demi and gray-ace are definitely under the ace umbrella, but you don't have to make him demi or gray-ace if you want him to be in a sexual or romantic relationship. If you headcanon him as such, all the power to you!! Love the different ace rep! But if it's just a cop-out so he can have sex or whatever, like...it doesn't have to be that, my dude. He doesn't have to be a specific flavor of ace to take part in or enjoy those kinds of things.

[beanghostprincess]

well since you asked so nicely, what are all your straw hats sexuality (and gender identity?) headcanons :D

ps you dont have to explain them all if it's too much for you ^^

I love you so much for this mwah mwah /p I love when people send me asks like this <33

: ̗̀➛ [Luffy] Sexuality: Aspec. I'm very, very specific with this so I would have to write a whole paragraph to explain it well, but I'll try to do it in fewer words. I used to headcanon Luffy as asexual but the demi-sexual headcanon is growing on me. Only sexual with Zoro, though. Like- I ship Luffy with more people but imo he only feels sexually attracted to Zoro. Something something 'the bond between a captain and his first mate'. Romantic attraction: I can see him being demi-romantic (once again only romantic with Zoro. Or Sanji, even) but I personally see their relationship very Aroaspec QPR. Aromantic and Demi-sexual with a very deep bond with his first mate and his cook. Gender: Transmasc. Demi-boy. He/They. I think he, like, resonates more with being a boy but still doesn't fit the binary enough to be one. And transmasc because. Well. Have you seen him?

: ̗̀➛ [Zoro] Sexuality: Homosexual. Gay. The gayest man you've ever seen. I think he's demi-sexual too in the sense that only Luffy or Sanji would make him go insane and aroused, but he would sleep with other men just because. Like fr, just because he can. Idk. Homosexual behavior everywhere. He's so fucking gay. If there was a gay contest between OP characters he would probably win or end up in a tie with Nami, Law, and Kid. Romantic attraction: Demi-romantic. This dude is obsessed with his captain only. First mate things. I seriously believe that being a first mate makes you inherently unable to fall in love with somebody else. Well, perhaps Sanji too, but I'm not that much of a Zosan so I don't think about how they would work. And still, he'd be Demiro anyway. Gender: Transmasc guy because, once again, have you seen him? Dude even has a scar on his chest. Man tits. Love him. He/Him.

: ̗̀➛ [Nami] Sexuality: Graysexual Lesbian. Some might argue with me on this because she has a different girlfriend every arc, but I honestly think that she only feels genuine sexual attraction sometimes and it's not often. Playfully flirting doesn't equal genuine sexual attraction. Romantic attraction: Grayromantic Lesbian. Because, once again, people might not agree with me, but I think she doesn't have crushes often and she falls into more of a romantic gray area. Never with men, though. God forbid. Never with men. That much is clear, I hope. Gender: Demi-girl. She/They. My babygirl. My girlboss. Like I said with Luffy, I think she embraces being a girl but still doesn't fall into that term exactly and doesn't mind They/Them or more androgynous looks/terms at all. In fact, she loves them.

: ̗̀➛ [Usopp] Sexuality: Bisexual. I love him. He be pulling blonde bitches everywhere and by blonde bitches I mean Kaya and Sanji. Something that always makes me and my BFF laugh is the fact that he's canonically very normal about women's bodies, unlike Brook or Sanji or even Franky. Like, he's pretty decent and respectful and he's, well, a normal human being. I appreciate the bare minimum when half of the characters are perverts sometimes. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. Pretty much the same thing I just said. Simple guy. So true, king. Although I like the Demi-romantic headcanon and I think he doesn't really get love at first sight and would be bothered by Sanji's view on this. I think Usopp is somebody who needs intimacy to develop a romantic crush on someone. So, yeah, I also like the demi-romantic thing but this could be just me trying to make everyone Arospec for no reason other than projecting. Gender: Non-binary. He/They but prefers They/Them, he just doesn't expect people to use those pronouns, and it isn't that big of a deal. Also transmasc. I'm obsessed with that, honestly. However, I think he wouldn't use the term Non-binary? I think he'd just use Unlabeled, perhaps.

: ̗̀➛ [Sanji] Sexuality: Bisexual with a high preference for girls. For obvious reasons. Romantic attraction: Birromantic too. He's a hopeless romantic. Believes in love at first sight and everything. Gender: Transfem. Genderfluid. Any pronouns. I love you, Sanji. You're real to me. And I'm not explaining my reasons for these headcanons because watching the show is enough for you to understand this, but between his trauma and Momoiro Island... Like... I know what you are, girly pop. The closet is glass and the egg is hatching and you need to come out. Oda, please, let her ou-

: ̗̀➛ [Chopper] This one's just, like, Chopper. Chopper is Chopper. I don't think about this much. He canonically likes female reindeer. I have nothing else to say. Gender? Little guy. Sexuality? Honestly, if somebody gives him a reindeer boyfriend I support that. So bisexual and birromantic, I guess. I don't know how it works for him. I don't think he cares. It's not that he's too young because he's canonically a teenager already, I just don't think they've encountered enough reindeer for me to form an opinion on this. Why the hell am I writing so much to say something so fucking stupid. I'm sorry. Let's move on.

: ̗̀➛ [Vivi] Sexuality: Demi-sexual Lesbian. I don't think she's ever thought about sex as something she wants or feels attracted to. At least not until Nami shows up. Romantic attraction: Lesbiab. Lebanese. Dyke. Bollera in Spanish. Girl kisser. Woman liker. Homosexual. No men allowed between her legs and her heart. Friend of Ellen, as Annie Edison would say. Gender: I think she's a cis girl. She/Her. Would literally punch violently anyone who misgendered somebody from the crew. My princess. My girlfriend, actually. Her pronouns are loveof/mylife.

: ̗̀➛ [Robin] Sexuality: Bisexual but also probably Graysexual because I don't think she feels attraction often and doesn't really get aroused if it doesn't come with other emotions. Preference for big, and gentle men. By big, gentle men I mean Franky and Jinbe. And by gentle I mean Brook. The four of them together, btw. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. I think she's just, like, vibing. Learning to love. She has so much trauma she deserves to be in a tender relationship and she just happens to be with four men but she knows how to appreciate a woman. Gender: Transfem. She/Her. You know those older trans women who give the most comforting, calm, mature energy in the world? That's Nico Robin. Gonna keep it SFW but she tops Franky 100%. And also helped Sanji with her transition. I love this. Please adopt me, Robin. She's perfect.

: ̗̀➛ [Franky] Sexuality: Bisexual. If a man doesn't know how to appreciate another man's beauty, then he isn't manly enough. Women are perfect. Men are perfect. He's wonderful. I love him. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. I swear to fucking god he has something going on with Jinbe and Brook and Robin. I am so not normal about them- Gender: Cis man but he'd probably consider being a cyborg a third, secret gender, so I'm gonna let him have that too. He/Him.

: ̗̀➛ [Brook] Sexuality: Bisexual classy grandpa. The fact that he's a gentle grandpa has a lot to do with his sexuality (no it doesn't). He might be a pervert around women but at least he supports consent, so, he's better than Sanji here. Romantic attraction: Grayromantic because I feel he doesn't get real crushes easily. Especially since his boyfriend (his former captain) died. The trauma he probably has around romance now, damn. Gender: Hear me out he's the most Unlabeled thing ever. He/They. He's just bones and most people don't even know how to tell the difference between sexes when it comes to bones. Robin is actually the only one who knows his AGAB and she doesn't care anyway, so. Gender norms are bullshit and he's just the Soul King.

: ̗̀➛ [Jinbe] Sexuality: Graysexual and Bi. He's somewhere there in the Ace spectrum. I just don't know where. I think he's, like, not that interested in bodies and sex? He would only have sex with somebody he loves and it wouldn't even be for the arousal and the attraction. Romantic attraction: Demi-romantic, which is not the same as gray. Because I think he'd need, like, to spend time with Robin/Franky/Brook to form a deep bond and then he'd slowly and gently start falling for them individually. I swear I am so normal. Please, they should adopt me. I want the four of them to be my parents. Gender: Cis man. He/Him. Biggest trans supporter in the whole fucking world.

The Going Merry is actually called the Going Liberal and the Thousand Sunny is technically the Theysand Sunny and with the help of their ships the straw hats are trying to find the Woke Piece.

[crispy-dib]

Hi so I’ve been seeing loads of aroposting lately, and I just wanted to come in with my own experiences, because my identity is complex to many people.

Ranting abt being aroace under the cut, it includes mentions of sex and romance so if you’re uncomfortable with that just keep scrolling

Hi, I’m a polyam romance favorable sex unfavorable aroace. This may confuse the shit out of you if you’ve seen me rant in detail about hyper specific fictional characters…but that’s part of it.

The only strong instances of sexual attraction I have ever had was towards a partner (rare occurrence, no fault of theirs at all) or a fictional character I have hyper fixated on and know almost everything there is to know about them. I believe this directly ties into my aceness. I like the idea of sex. I don’t think I like actual sex.

There seems to also be confusion when I say Im both polyamorous and aromantic when I really don’t think it’s that hard to understand.

When I do feel romantic attraction, it can take a couple months or, more commonly for me, years to build up. It’s such a few amount that while I may have 5 romantic partners right now, Ive only ever fallen in love and felt romantic love a few times - more often it’s what I thought was love because it was fed to me by television and alloromantic society.

I am still aroace even if it is demi-demi. I am still aroace even if it is grayro-gray.

In fact I don’t know what to even call my orientations, and I think aroace suits me just fine. The complexities of my identity can simply just be a variation of aroace because I do experience little romantic and almost no sexual attraction.

Also shoutout to my queerplatonic partner who is probably reading this, you should play red dead redemption 2 on stream so I can watch you play!!

Uh yea think thats it, if you made it this far have a cookie 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

[feelingthedisaster]

What does the aspec flag look like officially / exactly? Google is giving me different answers and I don't know which one to use...please enlighten me🙏

Thanks

well, there is a lot of flags, depending on their meaning and/or preferences of the person who identifies with the identity of the flag

but, these are some of the most know ones:

aromantic (feels little to no romantic atraction)

asexual (feels little to no sexual attraction)

the most know aroace flag (i think the name it's the sunset flag) (it can be used for both spectum to 0% atraction i lack a better word for it, but usually people who use a micro label prefer to use the specific flag for that micro level)

the next two are alternatives for the aroace flag, people often use this because the colors usually have meanings (i am not an expert about the topic, i'd have to do reserch) and the alternatives flags, even though are meant for the same identity, can have diferent colours with different meaning. a lot of people use the flag they like the colours better (for example, dont like orange, just use an alternative flag)

the next flag is for oriented aroace, which means an aspec person which feels some type of atracttion (sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual, etc) so they are aspec and at the same time another orientation (like lesbian, bi, gay, hetero, pan, etc)

[looking for the pictures, i found this one who also includes the flags of some microlabels, but im not going to delete what i previously wrote]

the aspec flag in general

asensual: someone who feels little to no sensual atracttion

aplatonic: someone who feels little to no platonic atracttion

there are microlabels in that image like demi (needs a previous connection to feel the attraction), gray (little/rare atraction), and more

[there are more flags for all the microlabels (and more microlabels that arent mentioned) out there, but they are a lot so im not going to include them]

there are also 'cursed flags', which are any flags but what an image or text on them, usually a fictional character or joke. they are made with humoristic purposes

also to clarify, you can use whatever flag you like/feel more comfortable. if you are aspec and feel some atraction, it doesnt mean you cant use 'original' ones (the three first one) (i dont know if original is the right word)

but i repeat, USE THE FLAG YOU LIKE. wheter it is because you like the colors more or because of the meanings (with i didnt put because im not familiar with them, but there is a lot information out there), the flag you use is for you

hope this was helpful!

if anything was wrong/harmful, im really sorry, it wasnt my intention and if someone can point my mistake/tell me the right word/what to change i would appreatiate a lot

[gray-ace-space]

so i'm pretty sure i'm demi.

not like, a 100%, but right now it fits, so that's what i've been calling myself.

every person or character i've been consistently sexually attracted to, the attraction appeared after i spent a lot of time thinking about them and getting to know their personality, their soul i felt like. even when completely parasocial - often parasocial, which is kinda sad, but anyway.

it's funny, because demisexuality is actually something i ruled out pretty early in my label journey.

i realized at some point i didn't experience sexual attraction nearly as much as allos, so i began to identify as gray. and i did know it was more common for me to feel it for people i cared about deeply, but i also thought, you know, that's just one of the factors, it's not really like a major pattern.

but over time, while i was running this blog, i kinda uh. figured out that 90% of the times i thought i was sexually attracted to someone were either

💜 aesthetic attraction - they are pretty and cool and i like looking at them, that's the same thing as wanting to see them in a sexual light right? (it was not the same thing)

💖 romantic attraction - i may be in love, i want to be emotionally close to them and exchange affection; i might have sex with them if they asked, provided we've built enough trust (also not the same thing)*

🧡 sensual attraction - i would like to touch them, so it logically follows i want to touch them sexually (nope)

or involuntary physical arousal caused by a sexual context (nothing to do with attraction at all and doesn't even imply actual enjoyment)

(*keep in mind that i am alloromantic. i catch feelings pretty easily.)

here's an interesting thing:

it's not just that romantic feelings for me don't immediately come with sexual attraction. in the majority of cases, the sexual attraction never develops at all, even if i build a connection with the person, even if i am fully in love. i have crushes that gain a sexual element, but most of my crushes are asexual. is this a graydemi thing? potentially! i would like to hear if this is the case for other demis and also non-demi grays.

basically, the longer i think about my sexuality, the more i realize i actually feel sexual attraction much less than previously thought.

the once in a blue moon occurence of me experiencing true sexual attraction always fucks me up though, because it's so intense. and i don't know if it only feels intense because i'm not super used to it, or because there's always an emotional investment there, but it's given me impostor syndrome.

and, you know, sometimes i have to remind myself that, oh, most allosexuals probably don't exclusively feel this way about like, 4 specific people in the first 23 years of their life. (sidenote, if you're allo, how do y'all function? do you get used to it eventually or are you just permanently made a little dumber by the horniness?)

i guess besides my consistent demi feelings i still have these random weak flashes of attraction to other people? which is why i still go with gray mainly. and aceflux is significant for me still, because it does seem to come and go in waves. but i just don't know, because these feelings don't come up often enough for me to fully figure out the patterns. if there even are patterns!

i'm still figuring this shit out! and i would not be able to get as far as i have if i hadn't started running this blog. it's taught me just as much as (i hope) it has taught you.

let this also be a reminder to you that people are bigger than labels. the words are there for us to understand ourselves and communicate better, but words are just words at the end of the day. "close enough" is good enough.

[highlordofkrypton]

ACOTAR headcanons // (au) cassian

I feel like I need to put a disclaimer before my favs on here block me for being a cassian!girlie, BUT I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS I SWEAR 😂😂😂 PLS LOVE ME ANYWAY I HAVE THE BRAINWORMS RN BEAR WITH ME

That said, I don't think I have much Cassian content to post aside from this (until Cassian week).

Anyway, this is in regards to my au!cassian, also known as Wildflowers!Cassian (my canon-divergent prequel fic), also ALSO known as Mathian (mathi!cassian -- shout out to @wingsdippedingold for the name I love it, I'm adopting it his full name is Cassian Mathian the first of his name, general of the night court, etc etc.).

The Tamlin x Cassian besties brainworms have taken a hold of me so, I've stopped fighting it.

ABOUT MATHI'S CASSIAN

uses 'bro' way too much.

imagines the mating bond to be something akin (but not as good) as having the perfect gym bro who spots you and supports you when you're trying to hit a PR

mental health adage: pain without gains is a no-no. it means that you should not be suffering pointlessly, and will encourage you to address ur problems so you can have MENTAL GAINS too.

values truth and justice, would fight his own people for doing the wrong thing; case in point, he was horrified at Rhys' misuse of his daemati abilities.

would never sleep with Mor because he knew Azriel liked her -- that's wrong bro. he would try to find a different way out, maybe 1v1 eris in a fallmart parking lot if it came down to it. i also feel like he's the type of character to make sure that someone's first time is really, really special. he would pull out all the stops to make his partner feel comfortable.

his favourite greeting @ tamlin is a headbutt or tackle. there is no reality where they don't end up wrestling, it's very embarassing to rhys and lucien as the local 'himbo' handlers.

i believe the proper characterization for cassian to be the himbo trifecta: kind, handsome and a lil bit dumb.

10/10 would save kittens from trees, also 10/10 would mistake a tasmanian devil for a cat that needs to be saved and gets scratched the hell out of him

vegetarian ally, he actually tried to start going vegan to support tamlin -- at least, when they're together -- but the unanimous consensus was that for the sake of prythian and its inhabitants, no one should suffer those bean/tofu farts (you might think this is a joke, but i will NOT expand on my tofu experience thanks) and he also thinks being vegetarian is beans only so like guys he's TRYING

it's very important to me that cassian is gray romantic or demi-romantic; i like to imagine that he feels very deeply, which is why he hides it with is silliness, and with his upbringing, it's not very easy to open up his world to anyone. idk, cassian sleeping around doesn't particularly speak to me. take this with a grain of salt, i haven't explored this side of him enough to be definitive.

rhys and azriel are his brothers, tamlin is his best friend in the whole world. rhys and tamlin killing each other's parents and the subsequent rift would have broken his heart, he would have sad puppied the rest of the series if I had any say in it.

i think if not for his bargain w/ rhys, he would have absolutely reached out for tamlin for help when Rhys disappeared (spoilers for my sequel mb???)

he is a super senshi at heart -- sailor mars, specifically, is his fav. he sees himself in her OK.

cassian is short, esp for a fae he's like 5'7"-5'10" at best and its great bc we love a short king

plays pranks on Tamlin the most bc Rhys is a smartass, Azriel is a knowitall, Mor and Lucien just don't believe him, he's scared of Amren and Tamlin always listens

i'm anti-bond in general, so i wouldn't mate him with anyone, but if the vibes are there, the vibes are there.

cassian is the first person outside Tamlin's family to help him do his hair

i think people underestimate the comedic value of cassian toting people around under his arms as a legit travel method. oh, someone isn't showing up? send cassian, he will fetch them for u

cassian did impersonate tamlin for a day in his court bc tamlin/cassian had a bet with everyone else that they AREN'T the same person and they are very, very, very different -- nobody noticed the switch, they just thought tamlin was having a very silly day. cassian even chatted up the local wildlife which... is very tamlin. the only things that did notice were the Green (flora magic) that were very 🙄🙄🙄 at cassian

is anti-tithe bc he doesn't know what it means; he suggested everyone donate a part of their earnings so that they can have a very big savings account to pay for things that affect the collectivity of the court, he is also taking NO NOTES on his brilliant idea nONE

tamlin will never say it, but cassian's birthday gifts are his fav (they r usually really ugly matching shirts with something really dumb on them)

I'll probably expand on this list if I have ideas, but I feel like this gives a decent framework to the type of character when ✨I✨ am referring to him. As a person, I do not live in the canon universe, and I have decided to make a personalized blorbo out of Cassian.

This is also the energy I bring my twitter memes 😂

[our-aroace-experience]

I'm in anon for personal reasons but how I find out I was aroace or more specifically gray-romantic (and eventually demi-romantic too) happened in a hilarious way in this year:

I was talking to a friend of mine of a youtube short I found with the song "I don't wanna fall in love" by kyle and I talked in the effect of I was afraid of relationships, I felt mainly platonic, didn't feel anything for sex IRL, etc...and my friend (who is actually aroace) said something about gray-romantic and for some reason that clicked with me so I researched it and I realized how much that related to me, so I talked about it with my friend and realized more and more that...oh my god.. I WAS AROACE THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME?! it was a shock but not like..a bad shock? a shock of "I never knew but I'm not angry about it" and was getting used to it overtime.

Now I'm exploring myself and realize not only am I aroace I am demi-romantic and currently in a QPR (Queer Platonic Relationship) with a fellow Aroace that is now my fiancee :3

congrats on the fiancée! i’m glad you’ve been able to learn more about yourself!

[chairteeth]

have u ever explained ur aro-ace hcs for tounemu

Hmm, I don't think I have. They're partially based off of my own experiences as an aroace lesbian as well as those of my partner and other members of the community, which I felt vibed with the characters. The headcanons vary depending on the fic/AU, but there's some general stuff I can easily share, I think. A lot of this is just gonna be vibes and what I believe fits the characters/is most interesting to play around with. Since this is a sexuality rant, fully expect me to talk about the characters beyond the scope of their ages in canon. In case it gets really long, have a readmore.

First, assume a lesbian layer under the aspec layer of the characters. So, let me try Touka first, because she's probably easier to talk about. I like to headcanon her as demiromantic specifically, because I just cannot see her getting crushes or falling for anyone she doesn't already have a significant emotional connection to, but she does seem like she would feel romantic attraction. Only in a very demi way, though. Very "over the course of years of having a close bond" type. She doesn't feel to me like she'd be interested in traditional romance in any way, shape, or form. Sexually, I'm... I'm so tempted to say demi sapiosexual you have no idea. That's because I feel like both Touka and Nemu (especially Touka) are attracted to high intellect, mind you. If I had to say, though, for Touka I'd classify her as a gray-ace. It feels right. I believe that she has this base, very mild relatively "constant" level of it, ssssorta like the allo way, but when she does feel strong sexual attraction, it hits her like a powerful and relatively sudden slap in the face and is only triggered by highly specific things. And also you have to know exactly how to work her, etc. I really, really think it's more about the mind games and stuff for her, that's what she's into. Same for Nemu, but I like doing something a tad different with Nemu, give me a second to rant.

I have many gripes about what people do with characters like Nemu, especially when it comes from people who are clearly ignorant or insufficiently educated on the aroace spectrum. See, Nemu has a very specific set of traits that often make people go "oh I see her as asexual" but attaching that headcanon to these specific traits when you don't even have a solid basis of what that even means grinds my gears pretty bad. Some of these traits are: quiet, glasses, bookworm/nerd, wheelchair user/physically disabled. Fandom culture around these kinds of characters is rancid. And whenever I've seen people write ace characters, it's one of two things: exotic allo or completely celibate. Which is just so far off from reality. The aspec is a lot more varied than people may think, and while being asexual does not equate to being celibate, that also doesn't mean that sexual experiences are the same for an ace person as they are for an allo person. You cannot simply say "oh they're ace but they enjoy sex" and then depict them acting exactly like an allo person, the approach is completely different. And then there is the camp that thinks ace = celibate. Some aces are celibate, some aren't. Don't even pretend libido isn't a completely separate thing too. So most of the time, it feels like internalized ableism, ignorance, the general assumption of "nerds don't fuck" (while this is the case for some, a majority of nerds are freaks) etc., and since it especially applies to female characters, also some level of internalized purity standards or something. Which absolutely maddens me.

Anyway, I see Nemu as grayromantic asexual. To elaborate a little, I feel like through her passion for literature and just how much poetry and how many books she must've read, Nemu feels some level of curiosity towards romance and approaches it from a pretty writerly perspective that would likely only ever work on another weirdo. It feels like she's more of an observer, but although rarely, she does feel romantic attraction, and in a relationship it's like a permanent little warmth in her chest. Not overwhelming, not loud, but like the tiniest ever-present flame of pure fondness. My ace interpretation of her, however, differs from others I have talked to. For example, my partner does understand my interpretation but sees her as gray-ace instead. Now, I see Nemu as completely asexual, but much like Touka, academically interested in the whole... everything surrounding sex and kink. My personal explanation for that one "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Touka" scene in Miyuri's MGS is actually just that, simply put, the girls probably have conversations about sex and kink/fetishes. Not in a sexual way, but in a curious, intellectually-driven way, and that curiosity is what may lead them into experimenting when they get older.

The most fun thing about my interpretation of ace Nemu, in my honest opinion, is how it combines with other traits, like her high libido (headcanon we derived from canon, there are words in the background of Nemu's henshin and they're all philosophical concepts or other relevant stuff except for the word libido, that's where that headcanon comes from and it's interesting, so we're keeping it), her being a Buddhist, or her sadism, or the funny kink we suspect her of having (if you know you know). This is something I tend to touch upon more in AUs by honing her trauma to specifically highlight the issues she already has. Ace + high libido is already a potentially fascinating combination of traits, but when you add the religion thing and the kink aspects born from trauma, not to mention the rest of the trauma? It's so incredibly crunchy to rotate in your brain and analyze and play around with.

I think both of them would enjoy planning outings and the like just because they like planning things and they love quality time. They'd probably be trying to one-up each other often, Touka would delight in finding ways to fluster Nemu I think, and same in reverse, but Nemu does tend to be more dramatic, so she might enjoy the occasional theatrics as part of their little ludus thing. Who am I kidding, Touka "let's explode in a cool pose!" Satomi is also dramatic. I mentioned in my love styles essay that I feel like physical touch is vitally important to them, because of sensory craving and having been touch/affection starved as kids (yk, in a hospital, particularly Nemu), so that is one part of why I think they'd enjoy physical affection, from handholding to sex. The intellectual aspect of the kink experience also feels important. You can explore so much fascinating stuff about a character through their sexuality (general usage of the word, not specifically referring to identities here), and it bugs me a little that most nsfw works I've seen (not necessarily TouNemu), particularly Eastern ones, are just... character assassination galore. From my point of view, I don't understand why you'd ever want to do that, but I can at least comprehend the concept of "this is meant to be fapping material and that's why it's like that". It's not what personally interests me about nsfw, so I tend to stay away from any that isn't produced by myself or recommended to me specifically by someone in the aspec who I trust.

To summarize:

Touka demiromantic gray-ace

Nemu grayromantic ace

Both dramatic enough to pull off romantic stunts for funsies

Both hungry enough for enrichment and/or horny enough to indulge at some point (probably their teens, maybe their 20s if they're stupid enough, I could easily see them sharing a house and possibly a bed for like ten years and acting every bit like a married couple without realizing- this includes sharing a bed because as per new canon info, Nemu requires a body pillow, and Touka is probably the perfect size to be hugged while sleeping), but not the way an allo person/couple would. Being the freaks they are though, you probably couldn't even tell they're aspec as an external observer

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

AroAce Club: The Origins

Sini: As an ace person ace Miu makes perfect sense. It's one of my fave hcs as well and I also just find it offensive when people say certain characters are "too horny" to be ace. Like....Ace people can be horny???

we need to start a club, aces united for ace Miu

Ves: sneaks into your house and turns all your ships into qprs while you aren't looking

you are my hero for this

idk how to put that in normal words, I feel unhinged things about this

I need explicitly aromantic ship content and nobody is making it

how many times can I reread Litsu's "Besties but Better" before more fics like that spawn, before I go insane?

I mean, "The Simple Truth (And Other Boldfaced Lies)" has been starting to go in that direction but it's crumbs in 1 (one) longfic that I don't know when/if to expect a next update

Hina: Can I ask what you mean by this?

I mean stories that make it clear characters are aromantic that are still relationship focused, that show how they navigate it

Hina: That seems cool, and I'd love to see this more!! I think I've only ever seen one or two aromatic ones and maybe like 5-10 asexual ones? (I know those aren't the same)

I want to read about characters being confused by the other types of attraction they experience trying to figure out their feelings just as much as I do about ones figuring out they're gay

I want those domestic slice of life one-shots that just don't have the romance in them but still make it clear the relationship is as important to the characters in it

I want to read those settling into a relationship 5+1 fics but about QPR

Clown_Chaoticz: This is so true, man, there's just a few certain things I think do best when presented in the form of something aromantic. Really wish there was more surrounding that type of closeness

Checkers: romance is a really difficult concept for me so seeing qpr and intimacy without romance is very lovely

Clown_Chaoticz: One of my favorite headcanons is that shuichi is somewhere on the aromatic spectrum, probably because I see him as the type to have some sort of feelings for everyone he meets. I saw that and went "HEH. HEHEHEHE". Meanwhile I think ouma is demisexual, or something along those lines. I wish there was something about them navigating something like that

crack treated seriously: actually getting married just for the tax benefits, an easygoing aro couple that doesn't attach much meaning to it, surrounded by supportive but not understanding friends who need to get more chill about it, it's just a formality and a party to celebrate being over with it, please we just want to be able to visit each other at the hospital if something happens, stop talking about children

Hina: Can I ask a question? How exactly does the aromatic spectrum work (genuine)

the range is similar to the ace spectrum, you get the gray, demi and all that

some aroace people use one label because the general lack of both feels like one and the same to them, but I use both separately, cause I have different feelings about those and figured them out at different times. I think I don't get romantic feelings at all, while being somehow hyperromantic (ik the term is almost unheard of compared to hypersexual, but it works the same), while having some sexual attraction left as long as it's impossible to pursue, and being mildly repulsed by mentions of irl stuff/realistic depictions while being fascinated with fiction. It was really easy for me to say I'm ace and never want to actually do anything sexual, while admitting I'm aro is still hard, part of me just obsesses over romance. And I still get sensual attraction on the crossroads of aesthetical and platonic, which is really annoying and sets off the hyperromantic spiral

Clown_Chaoticz: Yee!! Pretty much little to no romantic feelings! But still with the ability to love really deeply, just more on the platonic side of things. Personally I like it for shuichi specifically because the struggle to put people into a well defined "I feel this about you" box is very real. Mostly because I think shuichi would be inclined to search for clear answers, without realizing that his and others people's definitions of romantic are just the right amount of awkward to feel off. I'm struggling to describe it ajskhdshd I'm aromantic! And everyone's experience surrounding that is different sure but the way I can describe it for myself is that I am unable to see myself in a romantic relationship. I lowkey find it unnecessary. I like seeing it! I like thinking about it with my silly fictional people! I do not see it for myself. For the longest time I straight up did not know there was another aspect to liking someone. I thought everyone just picked who they had feelings for I thought there was a step by step process where you HAD to be friends first because there was no reason for you to further the relationship otherwise. So getting friendzoned? Did not understand why people were upset about that. Cause I thought, you have everything you need! Your still close to them!! I understand now the difference but MAN it's complicated.

like, some ace fics imply characters to lack sensual attraction too and be grossed out by kissing, but I am not, and it bothers me, because it's hard to explain it as a separate kind of attraction and draw the line

no, bc when I was pursuing dating I was hell-bent on the have to be friends first too, like, surely you have to get to know them first to be able to feel it, right? right?

Sini: Demisexual Kokichi is my fave and I cherish it. I've never thought of arospec Shuichi but that does make sense… I usually think of Tenmiko as having a kind of qpr or aroace romance. I didn't even know there were Saiou fics like that out there I know there are ones focused on asexuality that I've read, but that's it

Clown_Chaoticz: OHH!! I CAN SEE THIS!!! Tenmiko as a qpr kind of goes hard actually akhdkshdkdj This will be the only way I accept it from now on/hj

Sini: Idk, they're so coded to me- Tenko is such an aroace lesbian. She just admires and loves Himiko sm. And Himiko strikes me as not being the dating type. Like she has her crushes and stuff, she can have romantic adjacent feelings, but if she's getting involved she doesn't really want to do was is expected of her. She likes Tenko but not like that and Tenko realizes she feels the same. They simply have a deep connection : ) Literally gal pals Himiko goes off like, "We're not soulmates, we're soulbonded" and everyone but Tenko is confused on what the difference is

also I made this chart of my hcs, but tbh I could move nearly anyone to a higher tier at any time if I felt like it, any of them could be aspec, and the main reason I didn't put Kaito as aroace is me being a hater, not wanting to share that with him, he has the potential for it, and I could put saiou in any variation, maybe one day I'll write something where one is aro and the other is ace, and they still get into some weird situationship, probably within The Greater Akamatsu Polycule, they're just fascinated by each other, there'd be mind games and Literal Sleeping Together... it'd be great.

[when I shared it in the pit, I said] I need help, how do I hc characters as aro without making them aroace? I need more aro hcs, I am not even sure about Sayaka or Sonia, it was more like I'm okay with placing them there but it wouldn't be my default, why do I not have aro hcs? wtf and I am not much better with ace hcs, I was going to have Kiyo and Gundham be just ace, but the voice in my head was like Why not? Why shouldn't I make them aroace? We can have it all

Hina: I love Aroace Nekomaru

I just think that after having their private platonic interaction peeped on & sexualized by outsiders both Nekomaru and Akane deserve to be ace, she's got more going on but tbh I haven't seen either of their ftes myself so it's mostly vibes and what other people said I am referring to the massage scene

Sini: FR! They’re so chill when it comes to that stuff. In Akane’s case it could be partly due to all the harassment she received, which just makes a lot of her reactions really sad, but she deserves to be ace as a treat. Makes things a little less sad (but also more so sad)

Hina: I've gotten some hate before for headcanoning Nekomaru as Aroace because he's apparently canonically MLM but? I don't know. Based on his FTE's, he's just a really chill person and I think he values the friendships that he builds and forms with people enough where a romantic relationship just isn't something he thinks about for himself often

Sini: Nekomaru can be Aroace and still be MLM…..Idk why people think being aroace means you can’t feel any attraction to any gender ever

Now go and write about aspecs!

[aroaceconfessions]

ok I guess I'm gray-ace. It fits me more than no sexual attraction ever. But I still want to keep calling myself asexual and honestly, who cares!!! No one has to know that I'm capable of being attracted to people, I could call myself queer and no one should care either. And honestly I like being seen as fully ace, or like... at this point it's such a part of my identity. I experienced so much aphobia growing up to the point that it made me disgusted with the concept of ever feeling attraction in general, and that was definitely why I was in denial about being more gray-ace-ish too, and I still feel attraction SO rarely that honestly it could be never.

Something like aceflux or just aspec would work for me too but that's not the point, point is that no matter what, if trans guys are allowed to call themselves lesbians because of their personal connection to the label, I should be allowed to call myself ace even though I'm only on the spectrum. I prefer to be seen as just ace, some allos know what it means, I feel like I'd have to explain what gray-ace is and by extension describe my experiences and I don't want to do that!!! I don't want to describe the specific combination of things that need to align in order for me to feel sexual attraction. I mean, I'll share it here, because I feel safe here and it's all anonymous, but.

Basically it's kind of a mix of demi- and recipro- maybe, usually, I think irl I'm only capable of being attracted to someone I'm in a romantic relationship with, and that someone has to find me attractive first. But sometimes I see a person and I'm like "they're hot, if we were compatible, I wouldn't mind to date them", I guess that's how allos do it, but it's literally so rare that it's only happened once so far (and during a really weird time in general, I just got out of a really REALLY bad situation and I wasn't ready to unpack that so I got kinda self destructive and did and felt things that weren't normal for me, and to this day I'm not sure if what I felt was actually attraction or if it was just my brain's weird response to trauma, because then when I tried talking to the person more and like... analyzed their photos I guess, I didn't feel anything at all). Idk. it's all so confusing!!!

so basically. I just want to make things easier for myself. I'm ace. I've been ace my entire life. It just means a different thing to me now. But I don't want to let go of the label just because I indentify more with something under it

Submitted March 3, 2023

[gray-aroace-place]

I am quoisexual/romantic in the sense of I know I’m on the asexual and aromantic spectrums but I’m unsure of my exact label

I experience mostly asexuality and moderate aromanticism, but I do also experience some degree of attraction under particular circumstances

Some parts of me fit with demi, some parts of me fit with flux, and some parts of me fits with spike. Sometimes I wonder if I even experience romantic attraction.

I somewhat feel like I’m a combination of different labels, but I also feel somewhat indifferent to finding my exact label on the Aroace spectrums. I’m honestly more concerned about figuring out if I’m bi or a lesbian

I feel like quoi fits me best because I’m unsure what experiencing attraction even means for me and if I even want a sexual/romantic/queerplatonic relationship

I’m just going to align myself with gray Aroace, more specifically quoiaroace

[purpleinkdrinker]

hi i'm sunny/nickel/ibuki

she/it/they

girlthing

bi, demi-gray-aroace

also i have adhd

tag guide

my five cents - random things, talking, whatever!!

nickel's art - drawings, edits, animations...

coin mottos - fics, poetry, writing in general

vent - (specifically negative) vents

yahoo!! - positive vents, me being chaotic over characters/ships, all that

precious metals - selfshipping

reblog get in the coin press - reblogs

fandoms

bfdi

the osc in general

danganronpa

pikuniku

total drama (not very much)

wings of fire (not very much)

favorite ships

stapoldy (MY #1 FAVORITE SHIP EVER)

underpriced commissions/markel (otp!!)

spiritual services/korerumi/shintoujou (otp!!)

balloudy

amapuff (rantaro x puffball) (DON'T ASK IT COMES FROM A JOKE AND THEN I SPIRALED UHM)

fuyupeko

irunaga

komahinanami

kins

(bfdi) nickel, ruby, cloudy, bracelety

(danganronpa) ibuki, himiko

favorite characters

(bfdi) marker, stapy, foldy, nickel, ruby

(danganronpa) kiyo, ibuki, taka, jataro, yuta, rantaro, ryoma, mahiru

(pikuniku) the rebels

discomforts

(ships) liypy (worst one), starker, foldker, foliy, really any ship with marker, stapy, foldy, or nickel that isn't stapoldy/markel, really any ship with korekiyo or kirumi that isn't shintoujou,

(characters) pillow

f/os

marker tpot (romantically) (i'm very uncomfortable with sharing, by the way)

korekiyo shinguji (queerplatonically)

dni

pro/com/darkshippers, zionists, general dni criteria, anti selfship, anti objectum, anti furry, anyone obsessed with my discomforts/haters of my favorite ships/characters

thanks for reading ig

[eirasummers]

4 and 16? for the arospec ask thing :3

Refering to this~

Thanks for the ask <3 Let's get to it C:

4. What is something you wish was more well known about being arospec?

Well, I'd have to say being aro as a concept IN GENERAL would be the answer. For most people it's like we don't exist (I think it's even less known than ace?).

But if we go more specific, maybe the fact that they can still be in relationships happily (if they want to} and find a good partner that understands and/or is like them C: And at the same time, that other people might never be in a relationship and be happy as well~

16. Do you have any arospec OCs, if so tell us about them?

Well, I never thought much on it, since I usually go all in for shipping and I thought more about sexual orientation than romantic 🤔

But I'd say it Dillon is some sort of arospec. He's quite a mystery for me in all this, it's hard to grasp hahah But I'd say he leans heavily towards demi or gray aro. It's really rare that he sees anyone in a romantic way.

Adding to this, it's also why I usually have 2-3 possible ships for my OCs, but end up with my preferred one as "canon". But with Dillon I only ever think of one. He's the only person he has romantic feelings for. (As always, this might change in the future if I have other ideas, but not likely.)

---

That's all~ if anyone wants to send more asks about this, feel free C:

[raemeh]

heyheyhey.,.,. could I mayhaps request the "nitty grittys" for your dndads aspec headcannons ? I would LOVE to read your specific hcs for them

hell yea you can! I’d love to do that :D

First off Lincoln - Knowing me one of these was going to be me projecting on to someone and that someone is link here. Lincoln I can see being what I am and that is an asexual who experiences alterous attraction, which basically means that trusting someone emotionally is important to him and that he’d like it to happen in most of relationships. Which also makes grant lying to him and Marco even worse if you think about it. I can see link being one of those asexuals that doesn’t mind sex and would do it if his partner wanted to but doesn’t get the appeal.

Taylor - I feel like Taylor would be one of those aroace people who would date. Like he wouldn’t mind doing the romantic stuff like kissing and stuff but what he’d really want from a partner is just someone to hang out with and talk to. Basically just a friendship with a label on it.

Lark - I’ve talked about how I think he’s aromantic on other posts and how he kinda resents it because he sees people being happy when they talk about love and just wishes that was him. I believe another term for it is Cupioromantic.

Sparrow - Cloested Asexual, I’ve seen others make this claim so I know I’m not the only one. Remember that random fbi agent that discovered that he was asexual while on drugs. I would love it if that was Anthony foreshadowing that Sparrow feels similar to how the fbi agent discribed it.

Ron - He just gives me Demi-sexual vibes I don’t know why. And I don’t even thinks he knows it, he just thinks that everyone just acts like that.

Nick - I feel like people are going to come at me for saying this but graysexual. I don’t have many things to back this up but it’s similar to Ron to where for me it feels accurate.

Terry - on the one side I feel like he’d be a sex repulsed asexual. On the other side I want to say that he, like Ron is also a Demi sexual. And I feel like I have to reign in the writer side of me to say “No, you make/hc way too many Demi-sexual/romantic characters already than what would be considered possible” (No I’m not Demi-sexual so idk why I like writing about it.) But then there’s also the fact that I find it funny about the idea of Terry trying to explain to Ron that not everyone is Demi-Sexual and then when Ron asks if he feels similar, Terry is accidentally dumbfounded and Ron refuses to believe otherwise unless Terry can prove it.

Hermie - Asexual aegosexual no further questions.

Stud - I apologize I haven’t delve so much into atmod characters than the others of the series. I have listened to the entire thing I just probably need to look into the characters more so this might seem out of character. I want to say that stud is aroflux. Either that or gray-romantic. All criticism is welcome.

May Hales it feels weird to not include the last name - She just gives off the vibe that if I were to meet her in real life I would find her cool. And then I would find out she’s ace and immediately think she’s cooler. I don’t know how else to expand upon it.

Scam - I already mentioned that I think he’s Demi-romantic but i like to think that with Jodie, he started out jokingly flirty with him just to mess with him. And the more he did it the less it was a joke.

One more for ya That I didn’t include in the other one. Yeet bigly - rejected grant because he was aroace.

Again I’m more on the ace side. I’m on the aro spectrum but I don’t know where. As you’ll see the headcanon’s kinda refect that as there are more ace than aro.