#speak for yourself! some of us have an imagination and creativity!

[hanzajesthanza]

while we’re talking about lesbians, i claim intellectual property of milva being a lesbian, this is the home of lesbian milva (as if she were a specialty lemonade or something), all others are pretenders and imitations

[kestalsblog]

Basic Tips to Improve Your Writing

I used to read a lot of unprofessional writing online, and through that endeavor, I started mentally compiling different qualities that turned me off to people's work right away. I'm sharing some of my thoughts about ways to improve your writing so others don't click off your work right away!

-Change paragraphs when different characters are speaking.

-In that same thread, remember to make new paragraphs and not have one giant block of text. This isn't only discouraging for some readers, but actually physically impossible to read for those who are visually impaired.

-Learn grammar. Sorry, but there is no way around this one. For example, commas aren't just for aesthetic appeal or your personal choice, and it will turn some readers away if your writing is littered with grammatical errors. You can't break the rules for creative purposes if you don't even know them, and the difference is generally apparent.

-Remember the narration style you've chosen. For example, if you're writing in third person limited, you can't think outside the mind of your main character. Don't jump suddenly to the thoughts of other characters or an all-knowing, omniscient voice.

-Slow down. Each word matters, so try not to think of writing as "I must get from Point A to Point B," but "I must get from Point A to Point B beautifully."

-Avoid repeating the same word or phrase too much, especially within the same paragraph. There are exceptions in dialogue, of course. (It's sweet when writers acquire their own personalized phrasings that mark their voice, but I have turned away from works where the exact same line just kept coming up again and again).

-Don't forget about setting. You might be able to imagine where your characters are, but no one else can if you don't let them know.

-Use a consistent verb tense.

-Your characters are not you and generally shouldn't always be mouthpieces for you to share your own values and thoughts.

-Your characters should sound distinctly different from each other, including their talking styles.

-Don't bog the reader down with too much description, and make sure the description you do have is realistic. Think about it. In the morning, do you wake up, go to the mirror, and think to yourself, "I looked at my shaggy dark hair and emerald green eyes"? Nobody thinks that way about their own appearance, and it feels like a forced way to let the reader know what the main character looks like.

-Also, related, there's no need to start tossing out every character trait for each character if it's not relevant to the story.

-Last, show some passion and excitement for your own work. Make sure the language embodies that passion because if you don't even care about your writing, who will?

[cosmicpuzzle]

2nd Lord in Houses

2nd lord in 1st House

This indicates that your have an expressive personality with an interest of accumulating knowledge and educating yourself. You earn money in your own way, with your own style, with your own effort. You have a good imagination and you express it creatively.

2nd lord in 2nd House

You are a knowledgeable person with a good sense of how to accumulate your personal resources. You are therefore likely to become relatively wealthy and stay that way. You have a good mind and your career might be linked to teaching or public speaking.

2nd lord in 3rd House

Your style of accumulating resources is likely to be linked to your skillfulness, and definitely your own initiative. You may be very motivated by the prospects of income, and you like to express yourself through your dexterity or art-form of some kind.

2nd lord in 4th House

Your style of accumulating wealth may be strongly influenced by your mother or someone close to you. You get comfort from self-expression and financial security. There is a good likelihood of gaining a good academic degree.

2nd lord in 5th House

This is an excellent indication of wealth, both to yourself and your children. Your way of income may in some way depend on education or teaching, but certainly on your intelligence. Your mind is strong and versatile, and you express yourself in a playful and creative ways.

2nd lord in 6th House

The way you express yourself may not be very acceptable to some people. There are good indications of a good income, although hard work and a lapse of time may be needed. Income may be through problem solving or service of some kind. You may also have a talent of gaining through your opponents or enemies.

2nd lord in 7th House

You like company and you like to express yourself, particularly in a one-to-one situation. You may be attracted to affluent people and quite possibly married to a wealthy person. Your spouse, will at least, be in some way strongly connected to the way money comes to you. In any event the style in which you accumulate resources will be through interaction of some kind and possibly traveling.

2nd lord in 8th House

You may be quite secretive and earn through unusual and secretive ways. There is a possibility of a speech impairment or shyness of speaking publicly. Using your exploring mind, you might get resources through research of some kind, which uncovers something previously hidden. You may also deal with other peoples' money by working in a bank. In any case wealth and property of land are likely to take place in your life. You may have suffered loss of comfort or happiness due to your older sibling.

2nd lord in 9th House

Your style of accumulating resources may be through conveying knowledge, through teaching or lecturing. There may also be an income from higher and educational institution, since you are likely to have acquired a high degree of education. There is good fortune in your life, especially what concerns self-expression, money and acquiring knowledge. You have high moral values and try to observe the behavioral codes of your religion. As a child you may have suffered from sickness, although gaining full health later.

2nd lord in 10th House

This is a signification that there will be good amount of income and fortune in your life. The income will, most likely, be connected to a clever management of the flow and accumulation of money. There is also social prestige, learning and honor in your life. Expressing yourself in a public setting gives you fulfillment.

2nd lord in 11th House

This is a great combination for financial security and if other factors support it, you will get wealthy. You don't need to be on a constant lookout for new resources, the opportunities will seek you out and be presented to you by others. If you maintain an optimistic attitude and manage your resources your wealth will always increase steadily.

2nd lord in 12th House

It might be difficult for you to control the balance between income and expense and consequently you might often find yourself in debt. It seems like the resources disperse instead of accumulating. It might be hard for you to express yourself openly and you might harbor the fear of being misunderstood if you do. Be careful when you express yourself to be truthful at all times.

For Readings DM

[monstersighing]

Hello! I sAw your intro and was intrigued. I have a request,- you don't have to if its too much-

imagine AFAB reader who is a devotee to this Eldritch being, seeing them as a deity or a God. As the world grew more modern/OR there's a great war. SOMETHING that lead the other devotees to not believe in this being anymore, bUt ofcouRse, our reader are devoted n loyal to the being, iN which the being will RewaRd the reader

You could get creative with this! I imagine when the reader prays, the Eldritch will speak to them telepathically, (whether to ask for a sacrafice- oR other *orDers~*) SO, reader has a voice kink ;). And soMe other stuff too- like corruption, tentacles, anal, cunnilingus, edging, and over stim pleasee-! (if its too much I understand-)

Bonus if our devotee reader was rlly innocent before hand :)

Thank You!! ~ 💫

Eldritch Being/Deity x AFAB Reader

Title: Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

NSFW, 18+, MDNI

Content: dubious consent, religious kink, corruption, tentacles, voice kink, praise kink, edging, overstim, mindfuck, double penetration (v and a), cunnilingus.

Notes: Thank you for the idea shooting star anon. This is probably the filthiest thing I’ve ever written. I hope you enjoy it.

Constructive feedback from readers is appreciated.

+++

Your God is one of secrets, veiled and hidden, his mysteries not fully known to you.

+++

When the army approaches, the convent Mother hands you a leather-bound book and tells you to run, as far and as fast as you can.

You stop after the sun begins to set. When you look back, you can see a thick plume of smoke rising in the air, above where the convent should be.

You find yourself alone for the first time in your life. All the temples to your God that you pass are ransacked and burned with no worshippers left.

When you pray, there is no answer. But you keep your faith.

You head east because that is where your God first revealed himself. You keep away from the towns, frightened of the men that gather in the streets with their loud voices and assessing eyes. You are innocent. You know what they would do to someone like you if you were found out.

The next evening, you page through the book that was given to you. Between prayers and invocations for your god it is illustrated: a penis twined in a feeler, spitting pearly beads of come from its fat head, breasts gripped by tentacles, men and women drawn with every hole stuffed, heads flung back in ecstasy.

You feel your crotch grow more sensitive and liquid with each page. You lie on your back and your hands roam under your clothes to pluck your nipples, then glide down your stomach to scratch at your thighs. When you can resist no longer, you open your thighs wide and rub two fingers across your soaking slit and push them inside.

You’re bucking against your fingers, almost at your climax, when you hear a voice.

Stop.

You freeze. There you are my little servant, the voice says, pleased.

After that each time you stop to rest and before you sleep your God is there telling you to touch yourself for him. You feel his presence as you push your fingers into your mouth to suck on and then rub at your clit. You chase your pleasure and each time your Lord tells you to stop, you do. Even when your body is shaking from the need to come. Your needy cunt throbs as you make your way to the place you will finally meet him.

You had been kept pure in the convent, awaiting the ritual that would make you your Lord’s bride. But when he demands you debase yourself you follow his command. He tells you where to go, and in these places, there is always someone willing to take your body and use it.

You will offer up your pain and your pleasure to me, your God says, and I will grow strong again.

You kneel in a stable, a cock pushed in your mouth then down your throat until tears leak from your eyes. At an inn, a man spanks you so hard that when you bounce in his lap after, the fingers digging into your ass leave you gasping. In front of a campfire, two men fill your mouth and cunt with their cocks so the movement of one pushes you deeper onto the other; after, a third man slides into your dripping cunt and his thrusts buckle your arms into the dirt. He pulls out to come and stripes your back with his spunk.

Each time, you climax to the rumble of your Lord’s approval in your head and his name on your tongue. The bruises on your knees, the ruined rasp of your voice, the spilt seed dirtying your flesh. All are marks of your devotion to him.

His voice becomes more powerful, a constant buzz filling your head that makes you shake and tremble.

+++

The temple you find is abandoned. But the altar is still there, surrounded by burnt-out candles.

A cloth-covered statue stands in front of the altar. You remove it, fold down to your knees and gaze at your God. The statue is the green of old copper. A shrouded face devoid of detail except for six eyes made of ruby. Numerous tentacles spill forth from under a mantle. You imagine those tendrils tight on your tender flesh.

You strip yourself bare and read the prayer to invoke your God. The cool air of the temple brings goosebumps to your skin, and you shiver. The anticipation of his arrival makes you wet. You clench your thighs around nothing, aching to be filled.

You know he has arrived by the scent that appears, like the air before the storm.

My most devoted one, he says.

The words warm you, but you are afraid to turn. You keep your eyes on the statue and reply, “My Lord”.

His tendrils slide across your arms and pull them behind your back. Your thighs are forced apart. A sticky tentacle pries its way into your mouth and holds down your tongue. Two more slide up your thighs where they rub in an alternating rhythm across your slit, sliding but not pressing in.

The first tentacle pushes in and seems to grow fatter. The stretch burns. The other rubs against your clit hard and insistent, and you whimper. Your hips twitch, wanting more. You feel your Lord touch the edges of your mind, and then push deeper, into your memories, even as the tentacle pushes deeper into your hole.

You are pressed to the stone floor of the temple as the length of the tentacle inside you rams in and out of your cunt with a squelching sound. The one in your mouth twines with your tongue and pulls. You feel the chilled stone floor against your cheek but also –

-- your hair being pulled as your face is fucked and –-

-- your already red and puffy nipples being bitten and --

-- come spattering over your face as you grind your hips back on another man’s cock and --

-- you feel your orgasm seize your body whole and --

Time stops, and you are held on the precipice of your orgasm.

You have made yourself my perfect servant, and you will reap the rewards.

And your orgasm crashes down and your God says, Now we begin.

Tentacles lift you and you are splayed on your back over the altar, your legs held wide. Your hands are released, and your God looms over you. You cannot see his face, only the suggestion of many eyes that makes you dizzy to look at. Your God dips his head, and a ridged tongue appears from under his hood. It rasps over your nipples making you squirm and then trails down to your stomach where it stops.

Hold yourself open for me.

You pull your cunt lips wide for his inspection. You see yourself then, through your lord’s eyes – your chest heaving, and your hole stretched ready to be fucked into - and feel his hunger.

So delicate, he says. So desperate.

His tongue laps against you, the irregular surface causing shocks of pleasure when it flicks over your clit. It wriggles inside you, torturously slow until you are filled to the brim. When his tongue begins to move your hands drop to the cool stone of the dais and you scrabble uselessly for purchase.

You cry out with loss when the tongue is removed, and then again with delight when he sheaths himself in your cunt with the thick tentacle that juts out of his mantle where a man’s cock would be. Two smaller tentacles spread your cheeks and drip fluid across your asshole, circling and pushing in you in a sinuous glide. Your body is full to bursting, and it trembles, overstimulated. The exquisite ache builds and when you climax again, it rips through you with every muscle tensing and then relaxing.

Your now limp body is buffeted by the three tentacles’ increasingly punishing thrusts, and you hear a loud “uhuhuhuh” echoing off the walls of the temple. Your foggy mind realizes that the noise is coming from you.

The tentacles press deep with a final hard grind and fluid spurts from them. The liquid fills your cunt and asshole. The two tenacles in your ass slip out, and you feel the fluid leak out of you and drip onto the floor.

A feeler plucks the hood from your God’s head. Another holds your face so you cannot look away.

You see your God’s face.

It is beautiful.

It is terrifying.

Looking into your Lord God’s many eyes, the most afraid and most joyful you have ever been, you think that this is what you were made for. To service your God in any way he sees fit.

You feel his approval clamour through your body. You come again clenching on the tentacle still spearing your cunt, and shake apart.

Then, all is dark.

+++

After, you crawl down from the altar and stand on legs that are as wobbly as a newborn colt. And it does feel like you have just been born, changed into something new.

Your God wraps you in a robe of silk, embroidered with a coiling design you remember from the convent. Draped in it, you walk out of the abandoned temple with your Lord God’s fluids still leaking out of you.

There is no fear left in you. You know what you must do: go and create new converts in any and every way your Lord asks.

[airytaurus]

astrology observation🐀

🦦sag 11h people can be the one who’s constantly making friends wherever they go and tend to be the “loud” one of the group

✨leo with cancer placements can be very difficult to understand or even get too know sometimes

🎀taurus placements especially 6h could be the type to only have a makeup/skincare routine and call it the day

⭐️pisces moons are the REAL empaths out of the other two water signs they constantly visions or use their imagination as if they were in someone else’s shoes

🌫️any virgo/pisces placement even asteroid or nn/sn are always people who help or want to be needed by someone or something , they will give you unwanted information and tips out of love and support

🍋leo 11h people are the definition of loyalty especially towards friends they do anything and every for/with them and will love you with ALL their heart

🌊cancer suns are really shy , quiet while cancer moons are talkative and love knowing people on a personal level

🫧virgos excessively lie idk if it’s the anxiety or they can’t handle accountability or what

🧌Capricorn 4H could mean you had to be mentally and emotionally independent or keep yourself busy, company from a very young age

☕️moon-saturn can mean having a very strained relationship with your mom or she didn’t really allow you to do anything as a child and now you are hesitant of getting out there and having fun

🦪many 9h placements are into foreign languages and traveling more than sagittarius natives

💫cancer risings with their leo 2nd house spend their money on frivolous things like clothes/makeup/art supplies and anything that they can express themselves with and cute their boredom

❄️speaking of cancer placements I think some cancer people with 3rd house cancer could love yearbooks , academic trophies or anything that reminds them of their accomplishments in school

🌹you can spot scorpio/aries placements a mile away the prominent brows , sharp features and the hard facial expressions

🪴libra 10H people attract a lot of people infatuated or insanely attracted to them finding them sexy/sex appeal??

🐚pisces + gemini in big 3 makes someone very creative and fun but also emotionally in-tune with their emotions plus extremely talkative

ANY AND I MEAN ANY LIBRA PLACEMENT IS SO FUCKING PRETTYYY🪷

🪰gemini venus can have like multiple standards/expectations for the people they wanna date

🐸aquarius suns are very adventurous and not afraid to take risks with gemini and libra think things through and can’t decide if they want to do it or not

🪩3rd house/9th house venus and moons listens too a variety of music genres they can go from hip-pop to country music

🌆Sagittarius risings or prominent jupiter influence in first house people have big cheeks ifykyk and very noticeable, contagious smiles

🎢air 3rd house people can go through or have many cars throughout their lives like they have a new car everytime you see them

🎠people with heavy mercury influence are very funny they are quick with it

🧌gemini mercury people are very good at mocking or mimicking how people sound or sing especially if has aspects or a Venusian degree (2°,14°,7°,19°)

👽Uranus 1H people can have very big/muscular calves even ankles

🧸something about aries moons and gemini suns just give off chaotic energy

[novemberheart]

{Overview} Your pack is gone again. You have to go through an emergency alone

{warnings} fem reader, poly 141 x reader, a/b/o dynamics, chapter story, panic attacks, trouble breathing, some emotional angst, a cute golden retriever

Chapter 34 <- Chapter 35 -> Chapter 36

The leaves were starting to change. The hot dry weather you so hated was beginning to shift as well.

“You play this song too much,” Anais whined, reaching for the phone in your hand. You made no move to stop her, rolling your eyes playfully. It was nearly your stop anyways. A gust of air left the bus as it screeched to a halt, you and Anais shooting up out of your seats. Anais took the earbud out of her ear, passing it back to you. You and Anais worked your way down the street, dodging puddles and people with low self awareness. Jane opened the door for the two of you. “Could’ve texted us you were already here. We waited outside your door for ten minutes,” Anais chided, shedding off her scarf and coat. You followed suit.

“Was like three minutes Anais,” you chuckled, patting Jane on the arm. Jane remained silent, a small quirk in her lips as she disappeared into the back again.

“You heard anything from your pack?” Jane called.

“No,” you sighed, flicking the oven dial on. Your pack had been gone for three weeks. You haven't heard from them since they left. It was the longest you’ve gone without speaking to them. You ran your knuckles over the two marks engraved against your skin, your heart thrumming painfully in your chest. “They’re fine though,” you insisted.

“Course they are,” Jane and Anais said in unison.

“I’m going to get started on the frosting,” Anais spoke. “How about you start planning next week's menu. You’re much more creative than we are,” Anais added. Jane nodded her head in agreement.

Ten minutes before the bakery opened a line started to form. You were thankful you had a busy job to keep your mind off of your pack. Yet it wasn’t completely unavoidable. The smell of cinnamon reminded you of Johnny. The leather chairs reminded you of Simon. Anytime someone came in with a hat on it reminded you of Kyle. The sound of coffee brewing reminded you of John.

The work day was nearly over before you knew it.

“I’ll run and get us some sandwiches from down the street,” Anais offered.

“I’ll go with you. You always forget I hate pickles,” Jane huffed. They turned to look, and you offered them a small smile.

“I’ll finish cleaning up. You two go ahead,” you assured with a wave of your hand.

“If you’re sure,”

“Stay out of trouble please,” Anais nearly begged, making you giggle. Your smile dropped as soon as they left, the numbness returning to your body. Your fingers ran over the marks on your neck again. It had become a habit now. It made you feel something. A reminder that you weren't alone. You belonged to a pack. Even if that pack was halfway across the globe. You couldn't say that with complete confidence. For all you knew they were a few cities over on a mission. That would be a tough pill to swallow. Them being so close yet so far.

You huffed as a familiar fever resettled over your skin. That had also become a habit. You dug in your bag for a bottle of fever reducers. You used to hate pills. Now they are the only thing keeping you feeling semi-normal.

“Fever again?” You jumped at the voice behind you. “Sorry,” he apologized, holding his hand up defensively.

“It’s alright Mr. Avery,” you chuckled. He gave you a slightly worried smile, the back of his hand resting against your forehead.

“My daughter gets fevers when she's upset too,” he sighed. “They can be tiring. If you need extra breaks let me know,” he pressed. Your eyes welled up and before you could stop yourself you wrapped your arms around his soft middle.

“I just miss my pack,” you whined. His hand rested on your back, rubbing soothing circles against your sweater.

“I know, hon,” he sighed sadly. “Can only imagine how much they miss you too,” he added. They better miss you. It wouldn't be fair if you were the only one walking around with a hole in your heart. Mr. Avery rubbed your back til the tears died down, projecting the warm scent of alpha that you so dearly missed. You were lucky he was so understanding.

“Thank you,” you sniffled, working up the courage to pull away. “You should get an award for being the best boss,” you tried to chuckle. His lips quirked.

“As long as you and the girls think I am- that's all I need,” he smiled. ”Lets get some food in you and I’ll drive you girls back to base,” he recommended, already guiding you to one of the plush chairs.

Maybe the smell of leather would do you some good.

Something wasn't right.

Your fever had yet to die down, instead, it spread throughout your whole body. You felt sick, half of your body clinging to the toilet yet nothing could come up. Your vision was spotty, your limbs heavy.

The only thing you could think of was the distance between you and your alphas. That had to be it right? You were going through withdrawals. You trudged your way to Simon's closet, grabbing one of the last items of clothing and holding it to your nose.

It didn't help.

Nothing did.

No amount of scent from your pack was easing the sickness. It was close to early morning now and your eyes had yet to close for more than a second.

You had to get help.

You threw on some scent blockers to cover the smell of sour lemons. You had to be fast. You couldn't be caught wandering around base while it was so dark. You were in no condition to fight back either.

You grabbed Vernie’s leash, attaching it to her collar. You didn't- couldn't go alone. The two of you stayed close to the buildings- for cover and support.

The medical center felt further away than it ever had. Every step felt like a race against the clock. You thought back to your nightmare about Kyle. The feeling of walking yet going nowhere. You had half a mind to scream in frustration.

The lights were blinding, making your already fragile head spin on its axis.

“I need an omega specialist,” you panted. The cold counter felt good against your heated hands. Vernie wormed herself in your grasp, her chilled nose pressing against your cheek in an attempt to comfort you.

“I can take you sweetheart,” a soft woman wearing pink scrubs quickly held your arm. Her chocolate eyes scanned up and down nervously, her eyes connected with the receptionist. They spoke to each other without uttering a word. The receptionist quickly getting on the phone. “How long have you been sick, baby?” the nurse asked, leading you down the hall.

“Since my pack left,” you wheezed. Tears were already rolling down your cheek. “It’s really bad tonight,” you explained, using your fists to wipe away the tears Vernie didn't lick away.

“I can tell, baby. I can tell,” she soothed. She led you to a small room, guiding you to an examining chair. “How about I stay with you till the doctor gets here?”

“Please,” you begged.

“How long has your pack been away?” she questioned, pressing a cold towel against your forehead. It just reminded you of Simon, your sobs increasing in volume and intensity.

“I want my pack,” you sobbed, gasping for a breath. You couldn't breathe. No matter how hard you tried it was like the air couldn't reach your lungs.

“Easy,” she tried to soothe. It didn't work. You didn't know her. You needed your pack.

“I want my pack,” you repeated. It was barely a whisper, your words getting caught on a gasp.

You couldn't breathe.

“Breathe for me, sweetheart. Your pack wouldn't want anything to happen to you would they?” she continued, her hands resting on your shoulders.

If they didn't want anything to happen to you they would be back by now. They would've called. They would've had Laswell reach out to you. Something. Anything.

Maybe if you passed out that would get their attention. They would have to notify your alphas right? Just the thought made it easier to breathe- unfortunately. It would've been easier to sleep through everything. Wake up to your alphas and betas fussing over you.

Your lungs accepted the newfound air greedily.

“That’s it,” the nurse smiled softly. Her fingers brushed the wet hair out of your face and she guided you back against the seat. You held Vernie to your chest, her heart rate nearly as fast as yours.

A loud knock echoed throughout the room, the door slowly opening to reveal a doctor. He was a tall, slender man. You were only supposed to have female doctors. His eyes softened when they saw you.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Harrelson. I know in your file it says your alphas requested that you have female doctors, but I'm the only omega specialist on duty this morning,” his voice was soft with a beautiful lilt in it. “How do you feel about that?” he asked softly. You didn't care anymore. It wasn't like your pack really cared either. If they did, they would’ve tried to reach out to you.

“I’m fine with that,” you panted.

“Alright then. Let’s figure out what's going on with you, pup.”

You expected the nickname to throw you back into a spiral, yet, your breathing just steadied further.

Should be your alpha speaking those words to you.

Your stomach turned in bitterness.

“Her pack has been gone. Withdrawals, maybe?” the nurse offered. You were thankful for that, breathing being the priority for you. The doctor nodded his head in agreement, his brows furrowing as he looked you over.

“When did your symptoms start to become extreme?” he asked.

“The past few hours,” you explained.

“Can you describe them to me? Your symptoms.”

“Fever- I get those often though, sweating, heaviness in my body, nausea, dizziness, my heart won't slow down,” you rattled.

“Nausea and rapid heartbeats?” he questioned. He stood on his feet, resting his stethoscope in the center of your chest. “Those aren't usual symptoms of pack withdrawals,” he said slowly. “You are beating quite fast. It‘s been like this for how long?”

“The past hour,” you breathed.

“Have you started any new medication lately?”

“Camilcotazine,” you responded. He shook his head again.

“That wouldn't cause this,” he sighed. “Have you had any injections, piercings, or trackers placed into you recently,”

“I have a tracker but it’s been months since that's been put in,” you explained.

“Well, I'd like to run some tests. I think you may have something in your bloodstream. Maybe you accidently got poked by a rusty nail or something. Are you okay with that?” he asked.

Could you say no?

The initial fear had worn off.

Now you were just fatigued and irate. You didn't bother to ask if anyone was contacting your pack.

Would they even be able to get in touch with them?

If they were, what would your pack do?

Would they send someone back to be with you?

Even in your anger you believed they would.

You could imagine Johnny getting on a helicopter now, a mean snarl on his face at the thought of you going through this alone. You could smell the saltiness that would flow from Kyle at the state of you.

You didn't even want to think about your alphas.

You had more faith in your betas coming to your aid than your alphas.

The thought burned you further.

There was a knock on the door.

“Alright,” Dr. Harrelson sighed. He sat on his stool rolling closer to you. “Are you aware of a tracking device in your leg?”

The room went silent.

Dr. Harrelson’s face scrunched at your reaction.

“It’s very old. My guess would be about 7 to 9 years,” he continued. Not that you could hear him clearly. Your heart thrummed in your ears, your hospital gown clinging to you from how much you were sweating.

“I didn't know,” you replied shakily.

“Well it's an absorbable one- meaning after a few years it should've dissolved into your bloodstream. Yours hasn't. Your body is rejecting it,” he explained, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “We’ll need to remove it immediately. It'll be a small incision, one that likely won't even leave a scar. You won't even need to be put under, just some light anesthetic,”

“That's fine,” you responded immediately. You needed it out. Physically and mentally. You weren't in the corrected headspace to even think about who would do such a thing.

“Let's get started then.”

Hi friends! 👋Hope you enjoyed this next chapter and the first Chapter of section 2!!!! Lots of love and I’ll see you in three days for chapter 36! That's crazy!!!🧡

SERIES MASTERLIST

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - which blackpink member are you like?

some time ago i reached over 1k followers, so i thought i could do a pac as a thank you! this reading will tell you which blackpink member you resemble, and your potential strengths and weaknesses. hope it's fun for you guys. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. take what resonates, leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪

✧ pile 1 ✧

jennie kim

shuffled song: seasons by wave to earth

hi pile 1 person! you got 빛이 나는 solo, miss jennie kim. let's get into what your strengths and weaknesses might include.

+ you have a childlike enthusiasm for life. i can see you're this cute person full of excitement, who truly enjoys having fun and going through life in this free-spirited manner. probably have a cute smile and laugh too. and although you likely don't like feeling restricted by others and value freedom a lot, you're still good at being a teamplayer. you're a person who can match to other people, and knows how to compromise for the sake of a groups harmony, whether that's your friends, family, or colleagues at work. truly unselfish and charitable energy. you're also someone who has so much creativity flowing through your veins, and many ideas you'd love to realize. you're likely blessed with a great imagination, a lot of energy and drive once you feel passionate about something. you could also be someone who enjoys the feeling of nostalgia. you likely enjoy looking back on fond memories, and can romanticize the past sometimes. in addition, you could be blessed with a very sensitive and intuitive nature, someone who has a strong connection to your subconscious. you likely feel emotions on this very deep and intense level.

- do you sometimes hide behind a strong and proud facade, when in reality you can be easier to hurt? you might prefer hiding your emotional and sensitive nature due to the fear of appearing weak to people. you're likely to be a very giving and generous person, which might've caused others to take advantage of you in the past. this in return might've caused for your walls to go up. i can sense some trust issues and fears as well as insecurities here, which don't always find their way out. you might be prone to internalizing a lot of your struggles. there also seems to be a tendency to act in this very carefully calculated and thought-through manner, especially when it comes to other people. this likely stems from your problems with trusting people's motives. you're always alert and sometimes overly careful in your actions. you don't enjoy offending people, overstepping anyone's boundaries, riling anyone up. you might also be prone to sugarcoating your words sometimes, or being afraid of speaking up, or being straightforward, out of fear of stepping on anyone's toes.

✧ pile 2 ✧

kim jisoo

shuffled song: intro (end of the world) by ariana grande

hi pile 2 person! you got flowery miss kim jisoo. let's discuss what some of your strengths and weaknesses could include.

+ you set yourself up to veery very high standards, which in return makes you an incredibly perfectionistic person. this perfectionism is likely to have assisted you in several endeavours. you also put a lot of value into family, and keeping a harmonious circle of friends and family. there is this “everybody's darling” vibe to you, where you're just a person everyone can't help but like. very agreeable and pleasant energy. you might be known as the person everyone goes to when they have a problem, because you have a good balance between emotional understanding and compassion, as well as rational and logical thinking. you give great advice. you're likely to be a great listener, and display this reliable and trustworthy existence to your friends. like you don't allow situations of desperation to destroy you. this stable and firm energy of yours is admirable, it can help the people around you. they appreciate that quality about you. you're also incredibly smart and observant. even when you're calm and silent, you're likely hearing and listening to everything people are saying. a very perceptive and attentive person.

- you're extremely independent. so overly independent that you might sometimes struggle asking for help. if you have a problem, you're likely to try solving it on your own till the very end, even if it means having to endure more challenges because of it. you likely don't like becoming a burden to the people around you with your problems, and therefore just prefer handling difficulties alone. do you literally hate when people disrupt your plans? you're incredibly self-efficient, but maybe to such an extent, that you can obsess over the things you've mapped out for yourself. there might also be a tendency to nag a lot and micromanage other people's lives at times. i can sense there might be this almost scary duality in you as well. you usually are very composed, but once someone tests you, provokes you or riles you up, you can transform into a very different person. like cut-throat, you don't play. especially verbally, i can see your words potentially being hurtful to the people around you sometimes. you might also have problems approaching people once you've hurt them or you're going through a rough patch, and prefer detaching yourself emotionally in order to protect your own peace.

✧ pile 3 ✧

roseanne park

shuffled song: art deco by lana del rey

hi pile 3 person! you got graceful miss roseanne park, whose everything is on the ground. (excuse my lame attempt at an on the ground sneak) let's see what your strengths and weaknesses might include.

+ oooh, you are a boss through and through! you're a very strong and powerful person, with so much inner strength and resilience. you've probably been through your fair share of trials in your past, which gave you very thick skin. you also have this very elegant and mysterious energy to you, which people find very charming. you're likely to be a good flirter, a person who can sweep people's feet off the ground with your charm. (no pun intended damn 😼) you're good at connecting to people, making them feel understood and special. people just truly enjoy being around you, because you're so magnetic, and are great at creating these deep and meaningful relationships with people. very sweet and empathetic. despite your at times dominant energy, you don't put yourself above your friends or act like you're entitled or superior to them. you're much more grounded than people would think. you always remember where you came from, don't forget your roots, and have a close connection to your home. you're aware that you've been able to get to a place of stability with your own power, and are proud of the things you were able to overcome with your very own strength only.

- you can be very stubborn. like “i am doing things my way, and my way only. if you disagree, you can talk to the wall.” is what it's giving. extremely self-willed. so much so, that even if your decision ends up being wrong, your ego is likely to hold you back from admitting it. you don't really seem to enjoy showcasing your weaknesses out of fear of others looking at you as vulnerable or defenseless. deep inside, you might get scared of people hurting you. you might carry many more burdens than people realize. although some hardships can truly weigh on you sometimes, you likely don't enjoy making people believe you're struggling. you prefer making everything look easy and effortless. you can care a lot about what others think, and get scared of making yourself look like a fool or silly. there might also be a tendency for you to prefer looking at the world or certain people in a more idealized and romanticized way, especially if you really like someone, and wanna see the good in them. there might be this fear of ending up alone in you, so you actively choose to blend out negativity and focus on the positive way too much, in a way that can border on blind optimism or delusional thinking.

✧ pile 4 ✧

lisa manoban

shuffled song: worth it. by raye

hi pile 4 person! you got miss rockstar lalisa manoban. let's see what your strengths and weaknesses might include.

+ you're very self-disciplined. you might've been through some losses and disappointments in the past, which gave you the necessary know-how on how to handle them now. like negativity doesn't get to you as easily anymore, you're well-versed in handling it now, know how to deal with it gracefully. you're good at recognizing the potential of growth in every situation, and try to take every experience, good or bad, as a lesson. you're also likely a very loving person, truly care about the people close to you and put a lot of importance into them being alright. i can see you checking up on your friends or loved ones a lot and making sure they know how much you care. very affectionate, almost this fuzzy and cuddly energy. very lovey-dovey too. you might be very people-oriented and always looking to please everyone. you likely value harmony a lot. there could also be a huge sense of optimism within you, where you actively choose to ignore negativity that doesn't serve you. in this “nah i'm not dealing with this anymore.” type of way. you can also be very eager to fulfill your own goals and dreams, and feel this desire to enrich your own world. you want to feel proud of yourself. so much so that if someone displays a source of negative energy, you probably won't entertain them for much longer.

- you might have problems trusting people fully and can therefore hide or disguise several parts of yourself. this might be a habit you can't manage to break. you're not always good at being very open and straightforward about your thoughts, might often be prone to internalizing them more. confrontation might be a struggle for you. you likely get defensive pretty fast, and might feel easily attacked, or take some things way too personally sometimes. this might, as a result, trigger you to shut yourself off from that source. whether that's a person or a situation, you just might prefer detaching yourself instead of dealing with it head on, because you don't like putting yourself in that vulnerable spot. you can also be overly focused on the image people have of you, always going back and forth between doing what people expect of you and want you to do, but also wanting to do the things you yourself wanna do. this might cause some conflicting feelings within you, because you wanna please yourself, but the people around you as well. you might struggle finding harmony between your ego, personality and your feelings. your emotions might get very intense and weigh on you more than you'd like. you might find that your strong emotions can stand in your way sometimes.

[aidansloth]

Voice Modulator Shenanigans

Summary: You and Hitoshi find yourselves in his dorm having fun with his voice modulator when you accidentally let some top-secret information slip.

Warnings and A/N: just swearing, this is all fluff don’t worry! Reader is gender neutral and written in the 2nd person. If you think Hitoshi is ooc, no he’s not. He's just happy.. Maybe inaccuracy on how his mask works but listen, I’m not an engineer. Oh, and established relationship. 

Words: 0.6k

I also posted this on AO3! Here's the link!

It takes a good while for your and Hitoshi’s laughter to calm down, maybe too long but in your defense he did just give a flawless Katsuki imitation using his mask. When you finally find it in yourself to speak he’s still wiping tears from his eyes.

“I think you should pursue acting honestly.” 

He grins. “Yeah?”

“As a hobby even. I’d come to see your shows.” His grin becomes a smile and it gets even wider.

“You better bring me flowers for those shows then.”

“Only if you promise that I get a backstage pass.” 

“Deal.” 

There are a few beats of comfortable silence, your heads are laying next to each other on his pillow. Your shoulders are touching and the only thing you can hear is his breathing, gentle and regular. An idea pops into your head. You sit up and turn to look at your boyfriend, hardly containing your excitement; he looks up at you and he can already tell he’ll give you anything you ask for.

“What?”

“Can I try your mask on?” 

He stares blankly for a few seconds. “Sure. Though I’m not sure it’ll stay on your face correctly since it’s meant to fit my face exactly.”

“That’s fine, can you help me though?” Hitoshi had already the intention of helping you but he keeps that to himself, instead he nods and sits up with you, grabbing the device from his nightstand. 

“Who do you want to imitate?”

“Darth Vader.” 

He stares at you.

“What?” You ask.

“I thought you were more creative than this babe.” 

“Oh shut up and help me put on this damn mask.”

“Aye aye captain.”

He places the piece of equipment on your jaw trying to adjust it to your face as well as possible, he then toys with the settings. When he’s done he places a kiss on your forehead before moving away. 

“There, try to speak.” 

You clear your throat. “HELLO- OH GOD, IT WORKS!”

“Of course it works.”

“OH STOP IT WITH THE SASS.” He smiles fondly but doesn’t respond. You straighten your back and clear your throat again as you’ve been waiting for this moment your whole life. 

“HITOSHI, I AM YOUR FATHER.” 

He just stares at you. You stare at him. 

“OH COME ON, THAT WAS FUNNY.”

“No it wasn’t. Here, watch this.” With care he takes the mask off you and adjusts it on himself instead. You watch him change the settings in silence, wondering what character he’s got in mind. Once he’s done he looks at you dead in the eyes and speaks.

Gollum’s fucking voice comes out.

“My precioussss.” 

You cannot contain your laughter for the life of you. You end up falling back on the bed while clutching your stomach. And just like that three little words escape without your knowledge. 

“Oh my god I love you.” 

He freezes and so do you. He rips his mask off carelessly, chucking it on the black sheets under you. You slowly creep up from your position to look at him. 

“You what?”

“I, ehm- I love you?”

“Is that a question?”

“No! I- I love you. I do.” Silence falls again, your gazes never wavering. 

“Do you also or…”

“Oh God, yes, sorry, yes. I do. I love you too.”

A smile forms on your face and he matches it. 

This is a very sweet and romantic moment for the two of you as you can imagine which is why your gremlin ass decides to ruin it.

“You know- I might not mind the Gollum voice again in different circumstances-” You get interrupted by Hitoshi’s cushion being thrown in your face.

Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism/advice is welcomed.

[adviceformefromme]

GLOW-UP LIKE NEVER BEFORE SERIES

Ladies, we are here. This is the beginning of your glow-up like never before by 2025. We are not sleeping on ourselves in the remaining four months of this year. There is no more putting yourself second, wishing and wanting to be a better version of yourself, because this is your opportunity to show up for you. I will be providing the steps and guidance so stay tuned, its going to be a journey. One that kicks off today. 

Week 1: CREATING THE VISION

This week is for getting into the energy of how you want to feel come January 2025. The vision should excite you, you want to feel like your wildest dreams are possible and this where you lean into faith, trust and imagination. 

Step 1: On the first page of your new journal script 3 pages in present tense of what your life looks and feels like on January 1st 2025. You want to get into the small details, using all your senses, what you can hear, see, smell, feel, go all in. Write as much as you can to embody the version of you in your highest expression. It might seem crazy to write this, especially in such a short amount of time, but once you start moving correctly timelines can easily be collapsed. I am a walking testimony of this, as I went from sharing a room in the UK to moving into a spacious 2-bed open view apartment overseas, within four weeks. Did I believe? Yes. Had I been doing all the steps I am sharing with you? Yes.  By scripting your life, as crazy and whacky as it may seem you are moving your dreams from thought to reality. A dose of faith is also required for step 1. 

Step 2: Vision board, this is where you get to have fun. Find those images on Pinterest that make you feel ‘omg is this my actual fucking life *screams internally* ‘. Again, no playing small. If you want the G-wagon and you’re driving the Honda, add it to your board, if you’re wanting to write a book, add a New York Times bestseller sticker to your vision board, bring your dreams to life. Save to desktop, screensaver, phone Home Screen. You want to see your vision board at the very least a few times per week. 

Step 3: Write supporting affirmations for your new vision life. I am, I feel, it feels so good to….Lean into the feelings, be creative. As you write your affirmations a minimum of five, you want to record these on your phone and loop them before bed. You can extend these affirmations, and turn it into a rampage - this is where you really speak life into yourself, going into more details. Your recording can be 1 min  - 5 mins. It doesn’t have to be crazy long, the main point is to keep it simple and inspiring. You want to feel inspired when you listen, your own voice, speaking life into your dreams, declaring them. Once you’ve got the recording - LOOP IT. You want this on loop when you’re out on walks this week, when you’re overthinking, but most importantly before you go to bed. Leave it on loop overnight. The goal is to do this every single night for one week. 

Step 4: In the back of your journal in short hand write your 1-3 top goals. It might be earn £10k per month, move into your dream apartment, work for x company. Whatever it is, in very simple words write them, 1-3. And do this EVERY SINGLE DAY. If you skip write it in your phone notes or on the nearest piece of paper. Set a reminder on your phone, because this is such a simple step to manifesting that actually WORKS. 

I know it might seem like some effort to do steps 1-4, but do you want to live the life of your dreams and invest in your expansion and be so proud of who you are come 1st Jan 2025, or do you want to scroll like a cabbage, and watch everyone else live their dream life, and feel like another year, another of unfulfillment ? Your task, put 30mins - 1 hour aside today to do the above. Homework for the rest of the week, read your affirmations, listen to your recording daily before bed and write those goals down! 

Coming next: Week 2: Living by your values + creating space for your dream life… 

[theambitiouswoman]

How To Maintain an Air Of Mystery In a Social Culture

Maintaining an air of mystery can have numerous benefits in various situations, such as dating or networking. By selectively revealing information about yourself, you increase intrigue and heighten interest, making you more attractive and interesting to others. The quietest person in the table, who contributes the least, tends to be the perceived as the most attractive. Additionally, projecting an image of confidence and independence can earn you respect from others. Being selective in communication can also help you direct conversations in your favor. Maintaining an air of mystery can help you establish personal boundaries and avoid unwanted attention, thereby protecting your privacy. Keep in mind that maintaining an air of mystery is about being selective with what you share and keeping people guessing. It's not about being dishonest or unapproachable.

Be selective with what you share: When interacting with others, choose carefully what information you share. Avoid revealing everything about yourself and your life. Leave some details up to the imagination of the other person.

Listen more than you speak: Ask questions and listen attentively to the responses. People often reveal more about themselves when they feel they are being listened to. This can also give you the opportunity to selectively share information and maintain an air of mystery.

Be comfortable with silence: Silence can be uncomfortable, but it can also be powerful. Don't feel the need to fill every moment with conversation. Take your time before responding to questions or statements, and use pauses to your advantage.

Keep an element of surprise: Surprise people with unexpected actions or thoughts. This can keep them guessing about what you will do or say next, adding to your mysteriousness.

Don't be too available: It's important to have a life outside of the interactions you have with others. Don't always be available to meet or talk, and make sure to have your own interests and activities.

How to maintain your mystery with social media:

Be selective with what you share: Only post certain things about yourself or your life. Share only the highlights of your day or week and keep the more personal or intimate details private.

Use photos creatively: Instead of sharing photos of yourself or your daily routine, post abstract or scenic images that spark curiosity and imagination. Use images to tell a story or convey a mood without revealing too much.

Keep your personal information private: Limit the amount of personal information you share, such as your address, phone number, or full name. This helps create a sense of distance between you and others and increases intrigue.

Be unpredictable: Post at irregular intervals, share unexpected things or create a sense of mystery around your posts. This can keep people interested in you and keep them guessing about what you will do or say next.

Use humor or irony: Humor or irony can be used to create a sense of distance and make people wonder about your true thoughts and feelings. This can make you more interesting and appealing to others.

How it benefits you in a career/business setting:

Increased professionalism: By maintaining an air of mystery, you can project an image of professionalism, which can earn you respect from colleagues and employers.

Improved negotiation skills: People who are confident and self-assured tend to be better negotiators. By projecting an image of confidence and independence, you can improve your negotiating skills and achieve better outcomes in business deals.

Better networking opportunities: People are naturally drawn to those who are interesting and intriguing. By maintaining an air of mystery, you can attract the attention of potential employers or business partners and create networking opportunities.

Heightened creativity: Keeping a certain level of mystery around your work can spark creativity and innovation. By not revealing everything, you may be more motivated to come up with new and unique solutions to problems.

Enhanced personal boundaries: Maintaining an air of mystery can help you establish personal boundaries and avoid unwanted attention in the workplace. This can help you maintain a sense of privacy and protect your personal life from being too exposed.

[loveemagicpeace]

💿Some of life things in astrology💿

✨Venus in cancer - I usually see that these people always include parents in their daily life , in their love life , in their life in general. Also they always include their parents in their vlogs. They will always post their parents on social media or doing videos with them.

🎶People who have aquarius in 2nd house have the best taste in music. They have their own music that they listen to, but people always like it. They just put some song and people will love it.

🍸Mercury is how you express yourself and in which way and also shows how good you are in texting with people and how you are in contact with others.

🦭Mercury in capricorn- they are not such a good texter actually.I would say that they will texting you about: I don't know about time or place you two will meet or practical things. But they will not text you like 24/7 or something they are too busy. And also I feel like capricorn usually think they wasting their time texting someone things that don't usually have any meaning or are not practical.

🦋Mercury in scorpio- dig deep into things. Sometimes even too deep. In the sense that they go so deep into the things they want to find out ,that they hurt them at the end. One thing they have is, that they feel better when they find out things by themselves than when they find out from others. They are very deep thinkers and very deep in conversations they don't like small talks and they will always want to go deep with you in every conversation they will have. When you hurt them they will be harsh and very mean to you because when they speak they speak to their emotions.

❤️‍🔥Fire signs are confident, driven, lively and full of energy. They like to be mentally and physically active. They are also dreamers who measure their height. Fire signs are competitive.

🖤Earth signs are more in tune with nature and their bodies. They are reliable, tough, practical partners and friends. Earth signs take time to master a skill.

💕Air signs are mental and need a lot of communication. They like to remain objective. They often negotiate for justice. They value freedom and dislike conflict.

🩵Water signs are by nature creative, imaginative, dreamy and often very ignorant. Water is associated with emotions and the unconscious. They can be visionaries and have many ideas clairvoyant abilities. Water signs care about the environment and by nature feel with everyone and everything around them.

🌞God of Sun is Apollo. It is carved in the sanctuary of Apollo in Delphi the ancient saying "Know thyself". Because with the sun we ask ourselves "who am I?" and "why am I here?". Because with the sun we feel that our lives have meaning, that we were born with a mission that we must fulfill, and we want to know what it is supposed to be.

The sun represents its essence and indicates our goal in life. With the sun, we can discover qualities and find ways to use them in our lives. This can mean that we engage in a certain activity or wear colors with a connection to the sun. Just as Apollo rides in his fiery chariot across the sky, so the sun represents a heroic journey through life. Therefore, we can connect it to the work we do or should do performed in the world. The path of the sun is usually not very clear and, just like the heroic myths say, there are many pitfalls to overcome and lessons to be learned. It is these difficult tasks that test our limits, they confront us with loss and sacrifice and force us to become the best we can be. The Sun together with Saturn represent the father principle. The sign in which our sun is describes experiences with the father figure. In childhood, our first hero is the father.

🫧Nobody talks about how lonely you can feel with Uranus in the first house. Because it's the part of your personality and Uranus could make you feel that you don't belong somewhere or you feel some kind of distance in this house. When it's in in your first house you could feel that being around people make you lonely or doing some things alone for ex.: eating alone in the restaurant this could be the problem for you because you could feel very lonely when you do some things in the public alone or I don't know going to the coffee alone.

🌟Planets return show you things that you are not aware of it or you're not expressing them. For example Mercury return can show you the whole new perspective about things and could change your mindset for the better. Venus return can show you the new value about you or what you value about others. You are more aware now what u actually want. Where do you find real love. Mars return it can show you a new way to be brave, fearless and go outside your comfort zone. And where is your energy best expressed and through what. You can show your anger more during this time.

🍿It’s really hard to forget people with whom you share 4th House this is because they make you feel the most familiar and the most comfortable around them. It's like the family kind of vibe.It feels like coming home and being with them it's like being in the safe and secure environment. 4th house represents our home , the people that are closed to us , the space when you feel the most comfortable and people with whom you feel the most comfortable with.

🧜🏼‍♀️ Venis trine Uranus- I find this aspect so unique because you actually fall in love with the person's uniqueness and differentness they have. You actually love them for it. You love that this person is different and is not the same that anyone else. For ex.: it could be you don't like face tattoos or you don't like someone who dress extra but when you meet this person you actually love this on them. This relationship can be unique and so different than the others.

🧚🏼‍♀️Uranus in 1st house in synastry- it's kind of the same vibe that with uranus conj venus but it's not because when you first meet this person you feel like this person is different than the others and that they have some unique energy that nobody else has. You feel like this person is special and so unique. That their personality could be so different than the others. It's like you can try to find someone else but you feel like nobody else could compare to this person.

🌙Personal planets appear faster in synastry and the first time you meet the person (especially: sun, moon, mercury). And, of course, rising sign :which indicates the energy of a person when you meet them. But here's the trick with rising sign that many times the true energy of a person can be hidden and only show up after a while when you get to know the person better. 💧The outer planets, however, manifest themselves over the years, when the persons already know each other very well and have a relationship.

🧸3rd house not only represents communication, mind,car ,electronics ,social media ,telephones and any of this stuff. It's also represents your early high school experience and also people who were with you in your high school. Your high school first love and how it feels like. Your high school best friend. So every person you have a 3rd house synastry with is usually a person you met at that time. A lot of people you share third house with or the sign you have in the third house is meant to be for you to meet them actually.

🎸The best time you will have with the person and the best things you will experience with the people are people u share 9th house. This house is ruled by Jupiter the luckiest Planet. This is the house of gifts. The girt from God, so when you meet the people you share this house with it's a gift that actually was brought into your life. All the things you will experience with these people will actually mean something to you. Because 9th house is meaningful house is where you find meaning, where u seek for meaning , when u actually find optimism. The person's u share this house with can actually inspire you the most or give you the most luckiest advice.

🧁I believe that it's not only 5th house that represents memories, but every house represents some memory you have from your early childhood. Every house is something special. The sign that you have in this house is the sign that reminds you most of this event of your life. So for ex.: aries in 3rd house -maybe this person were your best friend and remind you the most of your high school experience. Taurus in 4th house- this person maybe remind you the most of your home or your childhood, family life. Maybe you grew up with this person. Leo in 8th house-this person probably reminds you most of a dark/deep period of your life. Maybe you could spend the most intense times with this person and share the most secrets.

🎸For personal readings u can sign up here: https://snipfeed.co/bekylibra 🎸

-Rebekah💿🧚🏼‍♀️☁️

[elysiansparadise]

Degrees Observations VIII

🟫People with Venus in 05°, 10°, 17°, 22°, 29° (Mars applies to but to a lesser extent) they tend to feel very attracted to professional people, people who have achieved or want to achieve great things in life. They often have standards that others may find high, but they are simply people who know what they want. They may be drawn to the businessman or empowered woman archetype. Despite their incredible physical attractiveness, these natives do not usually rush into relationships, as they take the task of finding a partner quite seriously.

🟫Some natives with Moon in the 01°, 13° or 25° feel the need to stay active and productive, it bothers them to feel useless or lazy. Many of them prefer to be busy to avoid thinking about their discomfort, they lack some gentleness with themselves on many occasions and this can be seen a lot in their self-talk. These people are very determined and quick when it comes to leaving a place that doesn't make them happy, and they always try to be honest with what they think and feel if it involves another person.

🟫When Lilith is at 03°, 15° or 27° we have natives who know the power of their mind, the impact of their words and who usually have information from the whole world without even looking for it. There is something in their voice, in their way of addressing others that instantly captivates them. Their appeal is dual and that leaves others frozen, without knowing exactly how to react, they oscillate between the sweetness of a curious and charming look to the most mischievous and seductive smile. They have that facility to discover what you like, what excites you and turns you on and they know how to use it very well to have you at their feet in an instant. They master and speak the language of seduction to perfection, no matter who you are and how much you think you master it, they will make you doubt your abilities a bit. Without giving you a chance to think about it, you will find yourself trapped by their charm, and believe me they will remain impregnated in your mind for a long time, because a lover like them is not easily forgotten.

🟫Those who have a Chiron in the 02°, 14° or 26° may be people who have rarely felt what stability was like in their lives, and this, in turn, may lead them to think that they are not very stable people. They may fear opening up for fear of having negative experiences and may have difficulty leaving their comfort zone. Many of them struggle to see their own worth and can have very intense ups and downs in terms of their self-esteem.

🟫Having fixed degrees in the MC (02°, 05°, 08°, 11°, 14°, 17°, 20°, 23°, 26°, 29°) makes other people feel like they have to earn your approval from Somehow, people who want to level with you before you notice them. I have noticed this more in Leo and Scorpio degrees.

🟫People with Uranus in Leo degrees (05°, 17°, 29°) tend to excel when they dare to be different and do things their own way. Their personality is quite open, future-oriented and innovative. It is very likely that due to life circumstances they have had to learn to do things on their own from a very young age, but they have this tendency not to ask for help no matter how much they need it. They stand out a lot for their genius-like mind, many of them can have a lot of intelligence and creative power, as well as an ability to imagine and deduce multiple possible outcomes of the same situation. Reputation of someone multitalented.

🟫When someone has 04°, 16° or 28° in Venus it makes them a person who becomes very soft when in a relationship, no matter what sign they are in, their big three or other factors in their chart, I have seen that In all cases they are incredibly giving and affectionate people with their partners. They love pampering their partner and, even if they don't admit it openly, that their partner pampers them and loves them with great sweetness. They love physical contact and spending a lot of quality time with their beloved.

🟫Uranus in 03°, 15°, 27° are people with incredible writing skills, they are generators of ideas and can have this creative rain at the least unexpected moments. Those with these degrees can easily calm their nerves or capture their thoughts through writing. They stand out for their intellect and people, as their main quality, can emphasize their inventive and intellectual capacity. It’s worth mentioning that these natives may consciously or unconsciously try to do more than one thing at a time. 

🟫Mercury in 02°, 07°, 14°, 19°, 26° have a highly seductive tone of voice, people can pay a lot of attention to them precisely because of this. Her voice is melodious and has somewhat sexy touches. In men we can find a baritone tone of voice, while in women it can oscillate between mezzo-soprano and contralto. Any of these degrees can give a natural liking for singing and above all, great ability.

🟫Having 05°, 17° or 29° in the cusp of the 5th house, 10th house or 11th house gives great stage presence. Even if they are nervous, these natives have a certain charisma when it comes to being on stage or in front of many people.

🟫Venus in the 12° or 24° tend to have a delicate beauty, their lips are an extremely attractive point and may be less thin than other people's. They seem to have been taken from the most distant fantasy, since their beauty borders on the magical and unique. Their faces are imbued in the minds of those they come across.

🟫People who have Moon in the 08°, 10°, 20° or 22° may seem distant at first glance, they give you the impression of not being very affectionate. But once they trust you and open up, they can be the most caring people you'll ever meet. These natives can be reserved with their vulnerable side for fear of being harmed or not taken seriously, but deep down they want constant love and affection.

🟫Those who have Mars in the 07°, 12°, 19° or 24° dance with great grace and beauty, the talent and potential they have to dance is evident. They can easily catch eyes, because they even pay attention to the features they perform while dancing and that these go according to the dance they are doing.

🟫I consider it important to mention that having water degrees in Mars (04°, 08°, 12°, 16°, 20°, 24°, 28°) makes body movements more fluid and adaptable to the rhythm of the music, therefore that favors on the charts of those who are passionate about dance.

🟫Pluto in the 02°, 14° or 26° can be very protective of what they love. They may resent having their things taken without their permission and may be a bit jealous deep down. They are constant in their reassurance, physical touch is something very important to them and they like to be close to those they love, no matter if it is in good or bad times. It is necessary to mention that they are very magnetic people, there is something about them that is naturally very attractive, the fixation of their gaze and the intensity with which they try to decipher you. They fall in love intensely and just as they fall for you, so do you. Constant intensity in their feelings that drives you crazy about them, people find it easy to be constantly thinking of them or wanting to have them all to themselves. 

🟫Something I have noticed is that people with Neptune or Moon in 04°, 12°, 16°, 24° or 28° tend to give very healing hugs, they are people who seem to make you forget about your problems and discomfort with their hugs, because these they feel firm, but gentle. Its warmth makes them unique hugs after having felt the coldness of other hugs.

🟫Having Pluto in the 01°, 13° or 25° makes the native an imposing person as a presence. Regardless of their traits, they are people who exude a lot of confidence and a very powerful energy, they give you the impression of being people you shouldn't mess up with. These people keep their passions very well hidden, but that does not diminish their intensity because what they feel is usually very extreme and strong. They are endowed with strong intuition, and the ability to read the core of the people around them.

🟫Mercury in 06°, 12°, 18° or 24° think a lot but say little. You know they trust you when they talk a lot, joke around, and share personal things like what they like to do and how they feel. They may have a preference for listening over talking and they think very well what they are going to say before saying it.

🟫The degree that Mars is in can tell you which of your physical traits people find most attractive, for example, people with Mars in 09°, 21° can have very attractive legs, especially because of the shape they have.

🟫People with 6th house, Saturn or MC in 10° or 22° are self-controlled people and very devoted to their work. These people are noted for their excellent work ethic and many may find it admirable how these people seem to have everything under control even if they don't see it that way themselves. They give the impression of being very rational, of not acting without premeditating things beforehand and of being very organized.

🟫People with Sun in the 08°, 12°, 20° or 24° give the impression of hiding something or of being a person who keeps some sides of their personality to themselves. Many people may ask you what you think of very often. The fact that they seem to be hiding something is that they get very lost in their thoughts, they can stare at a specific point and wander into corners of their mind, not necessarily planning something, more like remembering things or the like.

[ravenrothstr]

I SHOULDN'T HAVE MET MY IDOL

summary. y/n chasing her dreams of working as a graphic designer at SM to meet Jaehyun, just to find out expectations are different than reality

genre. idol! au, fluff

words count. 12.0k

disclaimer. the story is fully fictional. other names mentioned are just for the story and pure imagination, with no bad intentions

tags. @dulyrana

-- ★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆ --

You have been living in Seoul for almost five years now. Well, it wasn't the best thing that ever happened in your life but when you opened the email today, every bad day just flushed down the toilet in your brain.

Congratulations! I am writing to formally offer you the job for the trainee program on Graphic Designing and Creative Media for SM Entertainment Co. We strongly believe that your skills and expertise will help our company to reach great heights...

You read it twice, thrice, quadruple, quintuple and millions of times. It is just too good to be true. Tears stung your eyes like shards of glass, slowly recalling the hardships you had gone through throughout the journey.

--

It was cold when you finally left to finish your work on a Friday night during her first job in Seoul as an intern at a small firm. You looked at the phone to check the temperature immediately regretting how thin she dressed that day.

-11

The cold wash over your skin repeatedly as you freeze in front of the company. You threw your arms around yourself to hug, hoping to feel warmer. Just then, you heard footsteps approaching out of the company door in which you immediately recognised the person. It was your supervisor and head boss. You quickly gave them a warm smile and a gentle bow, although you were unfamiliar with that culture.

"Hello", you greeted. The head boss just grinned at you as he replied in Korean which made you struggle to understand but lucky enough to have your supervisor translating it for him.

"He's asking if you wanna join for a drink"

"Oh sorry, I can't drink"

"Ah it's okay, I'll let him know", just then the supervisor translated it to the head boss but a different meaning.

"Sir, she's not going. She's not like us", leaving a remark.

You definitely understood that, you managed to learn some Korean before she came here. The head boss gave you a side eye, looking down at you as he scoffs and heads off with the supervisor. You stared blankly towards their direction, hearing the supervisor continue to speak to the head boss. With the knowledge of the Korean language you knew, you mixed the puzzle of words to understand why the supervisor was complaining about you.

The supervisor had the right to complain, though, you thought.

You messed up big time that day. You had the design wrong again this time because you misunderstood the client during the meeting. It was hard for you to catch what they were talking about, every word seemed too fast for you and no one bothered to help or clear it out. By the time, the supervisor presented the new design, they were too furious. You had to remake the design repeatedly for the client until they were satisfied. They suffered a lot that day.

The emotions caught you as she looked down at the ground that is now turning into white snow. You dragged your feet to the studio she lived in, making your way to the bed. Thinking to yourself.

Have I made the right choice to come here?

--

This thought came up again when you was working as an assistant graphic designer at another firm when you witnessed the design that you spent sleepless nights on it to not be selected for the presentation. Your coworker, who had the simplest design, smiled widely when they presented hers in front of the client.

The unfairness killed your confidence as you grew smaller and smaller in the community. Sinking in the pile of majorities. With you timid attitude, it makes it easier to bully her at work. You did most of the editing, the hard ones, and the complicated ones and you never complained. Because deep down, you knew this work was what put the food on the table.

You closes the lights at the desk, making your way out of the office. You were again the last person to leave the office. Lifting up your face, you saw the snow falling to the ground. Significating another year's end. You took out the earphones you plucked them into your phone and brought it to your ear. Looking at your recent playlist, you picked a song for your walk back home.

Timeless - NCT U

You start walking back home as the song starts, it reminds you why you came here in the first place. It was no surprise to anyone that you would be moving to Korea since you were very influenced by the Korean industry ever since you were in high school. You loved everything about it.

Food. Music. Drama. Outfits and of course.

Idols.

Throughout the years, you stan a lot of groups but never beats NCT. It was everything to you. Your happiness, comfort, sadness. You named it. Nothing cures you more than them, same goes for other fans out there, you feel connected with them. Despite of being very immersed in fangirling, you is too just an average girl out there living her life.

--

“You really think I can have my internship in Seoul?”, you questioned your friend sitting in front of you.

"Of course, a lot of our seniors did it. You can apply for that program since you like kpop so much, you should go"

You shrugged your shoulders, even if you wanted to your confidence wasn't thick enough for you to crush all the obstacles you imagined and your friend was quick to notice that.

"Come on, y/n. You'll have fun there, and who knows you might meet Jaehyun. He's your bias right?", you smirked at her comment.

"He's everyone's bias. Besides that's too impossible to happen. You know fans and idols are separated by reality"

"And you know fans are dreamers, and you can't go into reality without waking up"

You didn't say anything. It was true that meeting up and being close to your bias is very delusional but as a fan who dreams for it to become true, you hold onto something called hope.

This memory was definitely a core reason for your hope to work somewhere near Jaehyun. The greatest thing about it is that you really loves your job and you love kpops. Therefore, you always find yourself pushing through the hardships of living there alone.

--

You stretched your neck from side to side as you relieved your tiredness from your work. It has been almost three months since you worked at SM as a trainee, and you like working there. Most of your colleagues treated you nicely, not to mention the bossy seniors but overall it was alright. However, it does dishearten the fact you haven't met any idol yet. You were starting to believe that trainees don't get any opportunities to meet any idols. Just then, you heard someone tap your shoulder softly. It was no surprise to you this time when you saw a familiar figure standing behind you. Your face immediately lifted up a smile.

It was your trainee partner, Beom Seok.

"Meet me at the pantry", he mouthed. You nodded as you headed to the pantry after him.

"Are you still working on the mood board for the new group debut concept?", Beom Seok asked leaning his back on the countertop and taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, you know how fussy Daeun can be", rolling your eyes back as you stir your coffee next to Beom Seok.

He smiled.

"It's amazing, isn't it? You get involved in concept ideas for the new debut as if they are letting us decide what's the new trend-"

"Or our supervisor is just not that up to date with the latest edit trend of Photoshop so she's asking her little minions to explore it for her"

"Well, if you see it in that light. I can't stop you from being a pessimist, just like how you can't stop me from looking at how great you are"

You chuckled, Beom Seok is definitely a 'words of affirmation person' and he has a lot to share with you. The days go on as you continue editing your work, reconsulting it and repeating. She looked around the office to see who was still available. She felt relief when she saw Daeun and Beom Seok at their table. It was really a hectic week for them.

They decided to call it a day not long after, Daeun offered them to have dinner together saying she had to get rid of some nervousness for a crucial presentation but Beom Seok politely declined as he headed home straight away. Although you couldn't drink, you figured it wouldn't hurt to accompany Daeun. Besides, it was going to be at her apartment so you didn't have to send anyone home or worry about how to get back.

--

Your eyes widen when you enter Daeun's apartment. It was so white-coded, with the minimalist interior it makes the place warmer. Daeun opened her coat and tossed her keys at the table. Your eyes were scanning the room when you caught on something to your liking.

Regular-Irregular

"Unnie, I didn't know you liked NCT 127"

"Oh that?," Daeun responded while setting up the table.

"I was involved in their comebacks a few times before. Also, for the upcoming next year", she continues. "Tomorrow's presentation is about their comeback. It might be a bit tense even if they approved the concept",

You could only nod to her statement, not ignoring the jealousy you felt inside. In fact, you did come here with the hope of getting close to Jaehyun. Daeun showed you the ring book about their concept as your eyes read the title.

2 Baddies.

Daeun continued to show and explain to you about the concept, with the thought of her practising for tomorrow. You were all ears for it. With the cars and race suits, they're definitely gonna look amazing. As time passed by, Daeun took a sip from the glass. It was the fifth bottle of soju. Your eyes pulled closed at separate times as they fought to stay awake, the sleepiness was getting into you.

You squeezed your eyes shut due to the tiredness. The next thing you knew you were witnessing the sunlight rays through the sliding door across Daeun's living room. Your body shoots upright in the chair as your mind tries to deny the reality the sun is up.

"Daeun, you have to wake up or we will be late for work", you aggressively shake Daeun, hoping you shake her off from the drunkness.

But it was no use, she was still completely wasted from last night.

"Unnie you have a presentation today, get yourself together!"

Daeun begins to groan as she tosses and turns her body around. She was clearly not ready to go to work. You grumble in frustration.

"Daeun, I'll get going first. I am so sorry", you apologise. You quickly made your way out of Daeun's apartment and you headed to your house at the speed of light. Luckily, your apartment wasn't that far from Daeun's.

The clock on the wall of your office was showing you 15 minutes late. Your heart started pumping with the calves burning, breath forming clouds in the air from your face. Your feet fly over stones and leaves. The clock on the wall of your office was showing you 30 minutes late. when you entered. You tried your best to look calm in front of the others as you made yourself comfortable at your desk.

"Are you okay?", Beom Seok mouthed from his desk, next to you.

You just gave him a small nod and started to work as usual.

--

Daeun was nowhere to be found when they began to search her for the presentation. The voice of your senior teammate's roses as they called decline again. The clock struck near to 2pm, and the team got more and more restless of Daeun missing in action. You and Beom Seok kept your head low, trying your best not to get involve in this matter.

You secretly prayed for Daeun's appearance. You would be in great trouble if they knew you were with her last night. Just then, you heard one of your senior teammates answered a call.

"Daeun, where the fuck are you?!"

Your shoulders pulled back to the chair, letting out a long relief when you thought Daeun coming to the office anytime soon.

"What do you mean you're not coming? Did you drink last night?!", the senior scolded.

You could the shivers under your skin, making you turning into white. Daeun has always been a pain in the ass to the team but you didn't expect her to bail out on work last minute just like this. You tried your best to ignore the conversation and remind yourself it wasn't your fault for Daeun's action but you couldn't help when you heard the senior mentioning your name.

"You passing y/n to present because she revised the presentation with you?", the senior turned her head towards your direction.

Blood drains from your skin, and your entire body becomes impossibly still. There was no way they were letting you do the presentation just because your drunk supervisor said so.

Just before you can protest, you find yourself standing in front of the door meeting room with your other seniors rehearsing the presentation with them. They make sure to tell you all the ethics of the meeting and also remind you that the meeting will be recorded for their content.

"And also, there will be the members in the room so don't go throw yourself at them. Remember you are the concept creator and you must stay professional"

The comment made you stand rigid with terror, too overwhelmed to move. You're not ready for this, not in this way. But if you told your seniors now you couldn't do it, you felt like you were passing the burden instead of lifting it up for them. It's indeed your job and you are here for that.

You entered the room with your seniors and other teams. You assume they were all working together too for this comeback. The more you scan the room, the more nervous you get. NCT was definitely there at the end of the room with all cameras directing to them. What's happening was so surreal to you but you kept yourself composed as you focused on the meeting.

--

The presentation went well for you, although most of the time you were just filling it with compliments on how the members would look great with the concept because you had no idea what the presentation's content was. As soon as the director gave the cut queue, everyone started bowing at each other. The sight of NCT approaching you caught your eye and you immediately went into panic mode, making sure of a good impression.

You gave a smile and quick bow as soon you made eye contact with Jaehyun, the first member approached you. Feeling the butterflies in your stomach and your heart fluttering. Luckily he replied with the same smile before he spoke.

"Are you new here?"

"Yeah, but I'm just here to give the presentation on behalf of Daeun sunbaenim"

"Ah I see, I wonder too where was she"

He knew Daeun?, you scoff at the thought in your head as Johnny gets in your view.

"Well, hope to see you around. It was nice meeting you"

You again smiled uncontrollably at those words as you brought it to the dinner table with Beom Seok.

"I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I NOT ONLY SAW THEM IN FRONT OF ME! THEY WERE CONVERSING WITH ME!", you said excitedly at Beom Seok. He only continued to grill the meat for you, just before you could continue fangirling Beom Seok raised his voice at the owner of the restaurant.

이모, 소주 주세요

"One bottle of soju, please". You took a hint he might be having a hard time at work today.

"Feel like drinking today? Should I invite Daeun?" you try to lift up the mood.

"No, it's okay. Just wanna have a drink with you"

--

"Beom Seok, let's get you home. You are really drunk now", tapping gently at his shoulder who's now putting his face down at the dinner table with a hand on the soju glass.

“You’re being… ridicu-lush… ’m not that drunk…”

You rolled your eyes at the comment. Beom Seok was totally wasted too at the other end of the table. And here you are, struggling with how to get him home after paying for the meal.

"Beom Seok, we need to get you home now", you said, trying your best to lift him up. Just as you made it to the door with Beom Seok, you caught into a familiar person covered in long black coat.

Oh my god

"Oh, it's you again", said Jaehyun.

"Hi-"

"This is really bad timing actually", you tried to laugh off the embarrassment.

"Are you okay? Do you need help?"

"Actually yes, he's quite heavy"

Is it really Jeong Jaehyun helping me?

He took Beom Seok's arm from you and continued to carry him.

"So do you know where he lives?"

"I- I don't actually too", Jaehyun laughed, clearly you guys weren't that close yet. Nor friends with benefits.

"We can take him to my apartment first, then we can search for his address"

"WHAT?! I don't think we are allowed to do that. Besides, if you know me, I should be the last per-"

"You're a fan, aren't you?"

The question caught you off guard, you could only stare blankly at him before Beom Seok's sudden nausea hit you back to reality. Seems like bringing him to Jaehyun's apartment was a good option.

You tried a few times to unlock Beom Seok's phone, while Jaehyun went out of the room to take off his coat. It took longer than you expected to unlock his phone. Apparently, the fingerprint or face ID wasn't working and now you had to figure out the passcode.

"Hurry up what's your passcode", you clench your hands in frustration, wanting to throw the phone away.

You closed your eyes, letting you a long sigh. This was one of the reasons you hate the idea of drinking. It brings you back to your childhood.

--

The image of your alcoholic father drunk on the sofa flashes before your eyes when you peck through the door of your room. Again today, he came in with another woman wrapped around his arms.

"Mom, are you done at the restaurant?". you said as soon as your mom picked up the call.

"I'm sorry dear, we're almost done. We're just closing, I'll be back soon I promise"

She said that every time.

And every time you called, you hoped for her to enter the house to witness this messy affair herself. Little did you know, the day your mom found out about the affair was the last day you ever saw your mother. If you knew she couldn't handle the news, you would have brought the affairs to grave. She must been having a tough time with her life.

--

"Hey, are you okay?", Jaehyun gently placed his palm on your shoulder, bringing you back to reality.

"Yeah, I'm just really tired"

"That's okay. You really should spend the night here-"

"NO", you quickly protest.

"I'm sorry, we should leave. I think his wallet is here somewhere and we can get a taxi from her-"

"I think it'll cause more trouble if you leave my apartment at night. I saw some sasaeng on our way back here"

You felt bad, this is your first time encountering your bias and you have caused much trouble for him. Seeing how persistent Jaehyun were, you decided to stay. Besides, he really didn't seem uncomfortable leaving the house at the moment after mentioning the sasaeng.

You opened your iPad as you made yourself comfortable on the sofa and started studying the repackage concept after the upcoming comeback for 127. Thanks to the impromptu presentation, you have the slides for the next comeback. You were focused on studying when suddenly Jaehyun went to you with a pair of white tshirt and a plaid sleep pants.

“Here, you can change into these if you want too and it’s okay too if your not comfortable doing so”

“Thanks, I’ll just stay in this outfit for a bit until I finish studying”

He smiled at you at your gesture, looking at how immerse you are at your job.

“So what are you studying?”, he asked as he sits besides you at the carpet.

“Well, from what i know this is the repackage concept for your comeback. You wanna have look?”

“Yeah, sure. Gotta make sure I look good in it”, he jokes.

You laughed at his actions. The night continues with both of you sharing experiences with each other, you share your concert experiences and how you ended up in Seoul while he shares TMI during their trainee's day. Both of you shared the warmth of the conversation together that cold night.

Later that morning, you left the apartment with Beom Suk once he was sober enough to walk. You made sure to thank Jaehyun for the night before you left.

—

As another Monday comes in, another chaos comes around. You and Beom Suk sat quietly at your desk, listening to the argument between Daeun and the rest of the team. Apparently, SM decided to sack off Daeun due to her inappropriate attitude lately.

It's been weeks since the Daeun incident. With no supervisor around, you and Beom Suk had little task to do and seems like everyone was just too busy for you guys. You question how the system and organisation really works. Regardless, you still try your best every day.

You sat in front of Beom Suk at the lunch table, your appetite was long gone along with your motivation. Beom Suk lets a sigh as he looks at you playing with your food. He saw 127 members entering the cafeteria. He thought it might be a good chance to lift up your mood, knowing how much you like them.

"Y/n, look it's 127", Beom Suk shakes your little hand, making you turn towards them.

"What's the use of that? Our work is not even close to that. We are to be sacked off too like Daeun unnie"

Beom Suk answered nothing, as both of you returned to your lunch quietly. Just as you entered the lift together with Beom Suk, you met the senior who was with you during the presentation.

"y/n it's been a while", she said, smiling at you.

"Hi, it's nice to see you too. This is my coworker, Beom Suk"

She exchanges bows with Beom Suk.

"I heard about Daeun resigning, it must have been a tough position for both of you"

"Yes, it is, do call us if there's any work we can help you with", you answered politely.

"Actually, we do have some work if you like. Do you have some time?"

You give it a look to Beom Suk, unsure if it's a good idea for both of you to jump at another team's work but you figured out Daeun used to be a part of another team as well and you guys had extra lunchtime so you decided to stop by. They showed you around with the NCT team, the album photo shoot, the fashion line and the choreography for the upcoming tour. It never fails to make you feel more proud of them.

Once the lunch hour was over, you and Beom Suk made your way back to your office floor and of course, you could not stop talking about how much you liked the concept and you had already imagined the fans (you) would react. His tender smile naturally reflected his genuine feelings, he was happy for her.

"But don't you think the youngest fashion designer looks familiar to you?", you asked Beom Suk.

"Well, I really couldn't tell. There were too many people back there"

Your mind went puzzled, you were so sure you'd made some of them somewhere but none of your memories rang the bells. You shook the thought off when the lift indicates the office floor.

--

"You think this colour suits him more?", Yun Hee asked.

"Hm yeah, Johny really suits any colour though but black does matches his hair"

"If then, let's go with shirtless! We can add more accessories", you were stunned.

"Suit yourself"

You have been visting 127's team lately with Beom Suk, the team also love that you were there often. They really appreciate your idea. You were there again with Beom Suk during their album photoshoot, lucky you, your design team allowed you and Beom Suk since there were not much work for you guys for the time being.

As you entered the room with Beom Suk, you can see the car in the middle of the set, covered with white wall around. When Yun Hee and the rest of the styling team entered the room, you knew the members was ready for the shoot.

"I think they look great!", Yun Hee whispered to your ear as she dash next you and Beom Suk.

You turn over your sight towards the members entering the room after Yun Hee.

You froze with your muscles locked in a momentary paralysis, surprise with the visual in front of your eyes. You felt your inner fangirl could scream any moment now, just like when they first appear at any concerts.

"Hey, didn't expect you here", Jaehyun said when he pass by you.

He was the last member to enter the room. It quickily snap you back to reality. Reminding you are here as a stuff at SM.

You were unable to think, you wanted to answer him perfectly that you eventually missed the chance. You just replied to him with a smile, as he made his way to the set.

The photoshoot went smoothly, you observe how they started editing the pictures as they also started shooting for the individual photoshoot.

Jaehyun started talking to you now and then whenever he was free, you were glad he did not ignore you completely after the incident at his apartment yet you can't help noticing youngest member of the fashion line had been eyeing you and Jaehyun all day. It definitely felt weird, more like she was stalking you.

"Are you feeling uncomfortable?", Jaehyun asked, he was quick to notice the situation.

"I am a bit uncomfortable actually, maybe it's because of the cameras", you lied.

"It's okay, just ignore them. You'll get used to it soon"

"You're saying it like I'm the one who is an idol", you joke.

"Well, if I would want to talk to you again, would it be in a situation like this too?"

Your mind went puzzled again.

"Do you mean you wanna talk to me more often?"

"Yeah, I would like to. It's nice to have a conversation like this once in a while"

A soft smile played on his lips, you stared at the in front of you. It cannot be more perfect.

You pushed the thoughts aside when they call Jaehyun for the individual shoot and offered you and Beom Suk to edit the photocards for the album, which both of you gladly took the job.

--

“Y/N?”

You heard someone calling you as you step out of the company, finally ending the day. It took you by surprise that it was the one was who calling you was the familiar fashion designer you talk about to Beom Suk the other day.

“Hi. I am Rose, I haven’t formally introduced myself to you”, she reach out her hand to you.

“Hi, odd to meet you here. Can i help you with anything?”

“No no”, she quickly cleared the assumption before continuing.

“I just wanted to invite you to dinner, since now we are on the same team”

She sounded very uncanny, but she was indeed really kind to the rest of the team and you wanted to get to know her more so you accept her invitation to dinner. It took you by surprise on how ordinarythe dinner was. Both of you exchanged stories and really had nice conversations.

“Are you 127 fan, y/n?”

“Yes, I am a fan. Although I do love my job as a graphic designer at SM, I won’t lie working with your bias is a good motivation”

“Is Jaehyun your bias? I saw you talking to him on the set today”

“He is, I’ve been a fan since-“

“Is that’s why you go to his apartment the other day?”, she confronted you.

That’s when it hits you. Rose was one of the sasaengs that waited outside Jaehyun’s apartment. Suddenly, everything makes senses to you.

Her gazed immediately changed when her intention was out. It creeps you out the fact she is working for the 127 inside the company. Having a lot of access and information about the members.

“You misunderstood the situation, Rose. It’s nothing like you imagined”

“I know it’s not like that, we know”, giving insight to you that she’s not the only one.

“I have an offer to make. How about you tell me about Jaehyun or what’s is in his apartment and we pay you and release a insight he is dating someone like you?”

You could not believe what Rose was doing. Of course it would be flattering that Jaehyun had a scandal with you but being paid for being in a scandal while you know it’s less that true is really beneath you. You felt insulted.

“I am not interested in selling Jaehyun’s name or to be in your dirty game, Rose. You know this is against the company and idols policy”

“We’re never know, y/n. I can already imagine how heartbreaking it is for you when Jaehyun reveals his true colours”

You remain silents. It is true idols are products of how the company have groom them to be and it will be devastating to know that they might not be the same as what you had pictured them. But you can’t let Rose get into your head, Jaehyun deserve to live as much as you do.

“Nice dinner with you, Rose”, you stood up from the table and leaving some cash enough to pay your portion of the dinner.

“You can always find my number in the group chat, y/n”

“Your just selfish because you couldn’t have your bias to yourself”, your turn your back to Rose, storming out of the restaurant.

—

Not long after, you and Beom Suk joined 127 team. Your previous team had a great conflict on the new upcoming team, where they are considering taking out some members of NCT. The conflict worsen day after day until they decided to discontinue the team for the time being. As a fan, you felt bad you couldn’t defend the members. The best you could do now is wait for the company to decide and give out an official statement before you and Beom Suk could continue your original work.

Today, you focus on editing the cover of the album. It’s due by the end of the week. The nearer the comeback date, the more workload you have. It gives you a lot of pressure, it’s the first time you handle editing for a comeback. You wanted to excel your work, especially for NCT.

Looking at the clock that strikes 10 p.m, you decide to wrap up your work. You search for Yun Hee, hoping she’s still around but she was nowhere to be found at her desk. So you thought she might be with the members for some measurements or final fitting.

You press the button to the practise room floor, you’ve been there a few times with Beom Suk when both of you worked on the content editing during the time both of you were waiting your own desk. Those moments definitely became core memories for you.

—

“Let’s have dinner together, y/n”, Johnny said to you, who was focusing on the editing.

“Pardon?”

“I said, let’s have dinner together. Everyone here is going. It’s hyung’s treat”, he grinned at the choreographer.

During that time, the incident with Rose was pretty recent so you thought it’s better for you to avoid being with them too much. Being at the practise room frequent was good enough for Rose to follow you around.

“I’ll have to rain check this one. I’m really sorry”

“Are you skipping dinner? Again?”, Beom Suk asked worriedly.

“No, it’s just that I really have to finish this editing so-“

“Y/n, it’s we have to finish this editing. Come on, I’ll help you out later”

“That’s not it, Beom Suk”

“Then why are you not going?”

Johnny quietly witnessed the situation, he too wanted to know why you have been skipping a lot of their invitations. At the corner of your eye, you can see Jaehyun was there too waiting for your answer.

It was hard for you to explain, you should told them about the sasaeng situation in the first place so that it won’t be complicated for you. You held back screams of frustration. Deep inside you felt mad at Rose for making you feel obligated to her, at the same time you were disappointed in yourself for being scared of her. It took a while for you to process your thoughts when you finally made the decision.

"You know what? Let's go", you said, closing the laptop in front of you.

Johnny and Jaehyun begin to grin ear to ear at your decision. On your way out of the building, the choreographer starts to counsel you on how you shouldn't stress out and give yourself a little fun along your career until all of you make it into the lift.

"Hyung, I think she gets it already", Jaehyun placed his hand on the choreographer's shoulder.

He certainly has saved you in that situation. You peek over your shoulders at Jaehyun. In moments of bliss, both lips curved into matching smiles.

All of you headed to the restaurant, and you tried your best to not walk closely or look too friendly to the members. You walked at the back of them, looking at the ground figuring out how things around.

"Y/N", you heard.

You immediately lifted up your head.

"Yes, Jaehyun. Is there something wrong?", you were concerned and he let out a chuckled at your action.

"I think I should be the one asking. You seem uncomfortable again"

"There's so much going on right now with the comeback", you tried not to spill out about Rose to him.

"Is everything okay? You know you can talk to me if you want to"

And that statement itself made you flutter, you smiled uncontrollably. Although you tried your best to hide it, it was pretty visible to Jaehyun. He couldn’t help but smile at you.

"I haven't sorted out my mind on this stuff that I'm not okay with, but I really should warn you to be careful with the people around you"

At the end of the day, you wanted Jaehyun to be happy and live comfortably just like a normal person except that you regretted saying that when his soft expression turned immediately to anger and worry.

"Has anyone been hurting you? You were blackmailed?", this was the first time you saw this side of Jaehyun and you wished it was your last.

"No, no Jaehyun. I'm fine. It's just I've been watching a few sasaeng fans videos during my work and it worries me that it's might be you going through"

Jaehyun came back to his normal state as you too tried your best to calm down.

“So your saying you want me to be careful of people around me?”

“Yes”

“Have you seen anyone suspicious around me?”

“Yes”, you spoke honestly, making an eye contact with him. He stared at your eyes, both of you stayed at that position for a while.

“Okay. I was about to tell you not to worry so much about things around and enjoy your times with us. Why don’t you help to keep an eye for me since I don’t know how is the suspicious person-“

You felt bad, you should’ve be the whistleblower and tell the company about Rose.

“And in exchange, I’ll spend more time with you”, Jaehyun continued.

“You mean more conversations? Because that’s the only thing we do”, you giggled.

“Yeah that would do, i can be your listener if you want someone to talk too. Plus, I like hearing you speak”

“Thanks, Jaehyun. I really look forward to that”, both of you smiled at your shared secret, making your way to restaurant to enjoy the rest of the night.

—

Once the elevator stops at your floor, you went straight ahead to the practise room area. You took a peek at the door, making sure it’s 127’s room before entering. You saw Yun Hee at the corner of the room measuring Yuta while the other members were practicing.

“Is everything okay?”, you asked, looking at how intense Yun Hee is.

“Apparently someone lose the measurements for the concert outfits, now we have to measure it all again”, she was so focus she couldn’t bother lifting up her face to you. You understood her actions.

“Was it you, Yun Hee?”

“Of course not. Do you think I take my job lightly?”

You were stunned at the sudden burst, Yun Hee was at her peck moment. Luckily Yuta was quick to address her.

“I don’t think she meant that way, Yun Hee”, he explained.

“It wasn’t her and I’m sure of it. The person who has been measuring us the same person all the time. It’s not Yun Hee”

“If she’s measuring it all the time, doesn’t mean she can use the previous measurements?”

“She doesn’t have all those, she’s new. I assume she lost the whole book or just didn’t bother to keep it”, Yun Hee spoke.

While you try to understand the situation, you heard the door swing open, followed with the sound of small steps close enough to tell they were running.

“There you are. You should be here the moment you lost the book”, Yun Hee said to Rose.

You didn’t like what was happening. Instead of helping Yun Hee, you questioned more Rose intention. Did she really lost the book or she’s just trying to get on people’s nerves? Yun Hee started scolding her, as you can Yun Hee has been in deep stress lately. The members are stop their practise and slowly approaching them.

It made you realise Rose really wanted to be noticed by the members. Regardless whatever it takes.

“Yun Hee let’s not do this here, you need to focus on what to do next”, you quickly reminded her before it gets worse.

Yun Hee looked at you sternly, as she let out a long sigh and looked at the ground.

“I’ll help you. We can get this done by tonight, I’ll call for Beom Suk. He’s always here”, you continued.

“No, we can’t. The members really need to rest tonight. We can’t drag any more time”

“It’s okay, Yun Hee. Yun Hee right, your name?”, Johnny asked.

“You can measure us quickly now, only we’re a bit sweaty now. Sorry about that. Here, measure me now”, he pick up the measuring tape and pass it to Rose.

Yun Hee smiled a little, she was glad to see people are willing to help. You softly put your hand at her shoulder.

“I’ll help too, okay?”, picking up another measuring tape.

Although you are not sure of what to do, but it won’t hurt to help. Jaehyun approach you while you were trying to figure out how and what to measure.

“Please measure me, miss”, he said, opening his arms straight to the side. Indicating he was ready, you laughed at him and played along.

“Okay sir. Please note this is my first time, I might need to measure you a few times”

“As you please, madame.”

You and Jaehyun had fun as you two played around when you measured him. Of course the other could see how the both of you enjoying each other’s company, so they let the two of you have sometime together.

“Y/N, can I check the measurements?”, Rose interrupt the laughter.

“Yeah sure, here is it. Is it okay?”

“Well, apparently there’s a lot weird measurements here. I think I need to remeasure him.”

She immediately took the tape and start to measure Jaehyun, pushing you slightly. Jaehyun didn’t like what he was witnessing, he reluctantly gave Rose a glare. Her intentions were clear to you, but you did not want to make things anymore complicated so you start help measuring other members.

The night was late after all of you finished with the measurements and as to make up to it, all of them decided to have some drinks that night.

You were about to make your way out of the studio along with other, when Jaehyun gently pulled your wrist.

“Hey, let’s walk together. To make up with the wrong measurements”, he trying to taste the water making sure your okay.

“Sure.”

The group disper off in their own direction heading towards home after the drink. Some of them were really drunk, unlike you. You're glad Beom Suk was there to make sure they didn't ask you much about why you weren't drinking.

"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you home?", Beom Suk asked.

"Looking at your stand, I'll be the one walking you home. Thanks for offering anyway."

Beom Suk smiled at you as he waved at you before heading towards the opposite direction. Just then, Jaehyun ran out of the bar after you.

"Do you care for some midnight walks?"

--

Under the cloak of night, the Han River becomes a place of quiet contemplation. The rhythmic hum of traffic fades into the background, replaced by the soothing melody of crickets and the occasional splash of a fish breaking the surface. The city skyline twinkles like a jewel in the darkness and there was you and Jaehyun.

In the dark night, he sure shines bright to you.

You thanked all your bad days that led to this moment shared with him. Both of you stop at the fence of the river, looking down at the gentle waves of the river.

"Have you protected me today?", he broke the silence.

"I have", you said proudly, and he was glad.

"Funny how some of us come here, feeling depressed while some come here, feeling content", you continued.

"So how do you feel?"

"Healed."

He admired how you were able to feel content and appreciate the days, even when they were tiring or difficult. The more he got to know you, the more he could appreciate his own days.

"You are truly the strongest person I know, y/n," sliding his gaze slightly towards you as you did the same.

"I have great motivation here", you said smirking.

"What's your motivation?"

"NCT"

Both of you laughed at the answer. It felt a bit awkward for you to say it in front of a member, maybe because you never had to chance to join any fan meet or win a fan call event. Even though, saying it through fan meet and fan call would definitely be less embarrassing.

"I admire how fans have us as motivation and their pillar strength, making tough times easier. I envy that sometimes", he opened up to you and you listened to him dearly.

"What will shine the brightest to you will definitely come to you during the darkness. You'll find your light, trust me. You're my light!"

Jaehyun felt pleased listening to you. The night ended with you and Jaehyun walking down the street heading home to rest, filled with laughs and giggles along the way.

"I wish we could do this every night, it will heal me", you joke.

"Then let's do it."

Their gazes locked, and time seemed to pause, an eternity encapsulated within a fleeting moment following Jaehyun's heartfelt statement.

You contemplated what to answer him, and in that moment of uncertainty, you simply bid your goodbyes and headed your way, leaving him alone on the street, pondering the depth of your interaction.

--

“You looked really tired. Do you want to take a day off? I can help you out with the works”, Beom Suk looked at you worriedly.

“No, I’m really okay”

“Do you perhaps still hangover from last night?”, Yun Hee asked.

“No, Y/N don’t drink.”

“Thank you for remembering”, you grinned at Beom Suk.

As the members and rest of team entered the meeting room before they start the short briefing for the comeback and schedules. There will be a tour this time, it will be more work for the team and the members yet you can see how all of them were happy for this opportunity. It has been a while since they had a tour, looking at how much work they will be doing later really shows you how much NCT has grown.

“And that is all”, said the team leader, indicating the end of the meeting.

“Oh and the graphic team, don’t forget to submit the album for printing”, he quickly added.

You and Beom Suk nodded.

The editing team was chaotic that evening. The deadline for the album printing is today, and all of you gave out your last 100% for this.

“Please make sure you check the folder before sending”, the team leader reminded you and Beom Suk.

Both of you struggled with saving and making sure none of the graphic are pixelated. After so much trouble, you check one last time on the folder and clicked send.

“We did it”, Beom Suk reached out his hand for a high five to you as you replied it.

You sank your weak body into the chair, ready to end the day at the office.

--

The comeback happens smoother than you could have imagined. Everyone's spirits were high, eagerly anticipating the tour and embracing their new schedules with enthusiasm. Your friendship with Jaehyun continued to progress, deepening over time. Well, you didn’t go to Han River every night, but you and Jaehyun find time for each other perfectly. Moreover, you found yourself gradually overcoming your anxiety about Rose. Nothing could go wrong, you thought, as you filled your heart with each passing day.

You were making your way at the bar with Jaehyun, laughing on today’s inside jokes together. As you approach the red tent, Jaehyun automatically rise his hand lifting up the tent for you.

“Ladies first”

“Thank you”, you replied.

It took a while for you to search for the rest of the team and members. Most of the tables were taken by the time you reached. Although in the mid of your search, Jaehyun froze when he noticed Daeun at the table with the rest of them.

“Y/N, Jaehyun, over here!”, they called for you.

The rest of dinner was delight for you, it has been a longtime since the last time you met Daeun. You excitedly told her how well the concept is been going for the team that you. However, you couldn’t help but noticing how Daeun has been exchanging and taking glances at Jaehyun who was beside you at the table throughout the night.

It did made you feel uncomfortable, it felt like you were holding Jaehyun back from something so you decided to go out of the tent for a while with faking that you wanted some fresh air from the smell of alcohol and Daeun did seize the opportunity to approach Jaehyun.

Through the tent, you can see Daeun absolutely hit it off with Jaehyun.

“They really look good together”, Johnny said, taking you by surprise. He went out for smoke when he saw you peaking on them.

Only god knows how much you wanted to scream “NO!” on top of lungs to Johnny’s question. But again, you’ll suffer more living in this imaginary world of yours.

“Yes”, you answered. “They would be a perfect couple.”

Daeun comes over to talk to you when you return to the bar, but is only met with awkward conversation instead of the same boisterous talks you had. You wanted to blame it so much on Johnny’s statement that melded in your mind but deeply you know you was just upset if wasn’t you.

You would be lying if you say you didn’t cry yourself to bed that night.

“At least it’s sends me to sleep”, you thought to yourself when you woke up with puffed eyes the next morning.

Regardless it didn’t stop you from work. With those eyes, you sat on your desk the next morning and continue editing. Shallowing all the pain and heartache you felt last night.

—

The atmosphere among the office workers is tense and fraught with unease as you arrive at the desk that day. Beom Suk and the other colleagues are frantically searching through files or documents, while the team leader is furiously typing emails and making urgent phone calls. Your emotions run high, with feelings of anxiety and perhaps even panic palpable in the air. You aren't sure what's going on in the office.

"Yes, we are very sorry. We will address and amend the cover straight away," you hear the team leader say on the phone.

Your eyes widen in alarm. It was you who emailed the cover for printing. Just then, the team leader calls her out to the meeting room and scolds you about the mistake on the cover. Apparently, SM had printed out the album and released it. Soon, the fans noticed Doyoung was not on the cover, and the situation went viral on the internet.

As hard as it is for you to brush off the emotions, you begin going through the files again and resending the correct folder for printing. Despite the lingering anxiety, you focus on rectifying the mistake and ensuring that the issue is promptly resolved. Once the situation is handled and the correct files are sent, you step out of the office to take a moment to calm down. You sat on the bench on the terrace alone with your coffee when a familiar figure came next to you.

"Hey", said Beom Suk, you felt calm again.

"Can I cry now?", Beom Suk immediately taps on his shoulder and shoves it slightly towards you, ensuring you he'll be there for you.

It made you smile, even with tears rolling down your cheeks. You lean on towards him, putting your head on his shoulders.

"Beom Suk, I have something to tell you"

"What is it?"

"I didn't send the wrong file"

“What?” he asked, as if he hadn’t heard what had been said.

"I checked the files before sending, in fact, Doyoung was the last person I edited so I remember it clearly," you explain, trying to ease his confusion.

"I'm not sure how, but the email was sent twice, and the second one wasn't from me," you add, feeling a pang of frustration at the situation.

"Well, do you know who it is? You should really clear out your name," he says, his tone edged with frustration as he tries to stand up from the bench, ready to confront whoever is responsible. But you quickly reach out and hold his arm, stopping him.

"It's okay, you'll find out who it is later. Let's just stay like this for a while," you say softly, wanting to diffuse the tension and find solace in each other's company amidst the chaos.

That night, the members invited you out for a drink again. However, halfway through the evening, you begin to feel uneasy about being with them at the moment. You decide to personally apologize to Doyoung for the mistake. Thankfully, he forgives you and offers you some comfort, reassuring you that he didn't take it personally and urging you not to worry about it.

Grateful for his understanding, you thank him sincerely before excusing yourself from the bar. Despite their invitations, you feel the need to retreat and process your emotions in solitude, hoping to find clarity and peace of mind away from the distractions of the night.

At times like this, you can't help but feeling sad, wishing you could stroll along the peaceful Han River with Jaehyun by your side. But ever since that night with Daeun, your once-close friendship with Jaehyun has faded, The silence between you weighs heavily on your heart, leaving you feeling lonely. Despite longing for his company, the unspoken tension makes it difficult to bridge the gap between you two.

--

“Where have you been? Aren’t you supposed to protect me?”, Jaehyun smirked.

“Oh sorry, Jaehyun. Things got messed up again”

“Great, I like messes!”

You laughed.

“No, you don’t”

“I do, come on tell me what’s going on. You left the bar alone again last night”

The image of Jaehyun hanging around with Daeun flashes back in your mind. It was almost like your still at the bar.

“Nothing that big nor about the comeback, so don’t worry”, you continue to march on with your arms crossed, hoping Jaehyun would scoff off any minute but he caught you arm holding you back.

“Y/N, do you not want to talk to me anymore?”, he looked serious.

“Not today, I’m sorry”, as you push his hands away from you and walk off.

As you expected, he didn't try to stop you from leaving. You glance back at Jaehyun as he walks away, feeling regret. You realise you've become used to getting what you want lately, and now you're feeling greedy for his company.

You forget your thoughts as you see Rose passing by the corridor. Without hesitation, you march towards her and quickly grab her wrist.

"What are you doing?", she struggles to release her hand from your grip.

"I'm letting you know that the tricks you are playing are not funny anymore and you should stop hacking into someone's computer", letting go of her hand.

Rose smirks at you with a wicked gleam in their eyes. Behind those eyes, she enjoys how agitated you are. She can't wait for the next evil scheme.

"Looks like reality is finally hitting you, y/n", Rose said to you, making you frown.

"You really don't scare me, Rose"

"Of course, I don't. Your job will"

"And Jaehyun's true colours with do it themselves to you", she added.

You strode away from her, your footsteps thundering down the hall. Clouded by a storm of emotions and rage, you feel torn. Protecting Jaehyun means everything to you, yet your job is equally important. Juggling both was taking its toll, gradually wearing you out.

You were about to pick up a tray as you arrived at the cafeteria when Beom Suk approached you.

"Hey, have the team leader spoken to you?", grabbing your attention.

"About what?" you ask, your tired body making its way through the food section.

"The tour, we're coming with them"

You flinched at his words. After Rose hinted at her sinister intentions, you couldn't shake the feeling that it had something to do with the concert. It seemed like she knew all along that you were going to follow them on tour as well.

"No", you protest.

"Yes, y/n. Remember when you told me you wanted to travel a lot during your 20s? This is a perfect opportunity"

"Perfect opportunity for Rose", you thought.

Beom Suk was right. After returning from lunch, the team leader called for a meeting and announced that you and Beom Suk would be joining 127 on tour to work on the stage graphics. While others congratulated you happily and mentioned it as an opportunity to become a permanent member, your heart couldn't fully embrace the joy. Instead, anxiety crept in, overshadowing any sense of excitement you might have felt.

—

After weeks of sleepless nights, this morning you marked crossed on the calendar at your house, looking at the reminder that you wrote on today's date.

TOUR TRIP D-DAY

The nerves crept in, making the moment feel surreal. It seemed too good to be true, yet you knew deep down that you deserved this opportunity. You and Beom Suk had worked tirelessly for this comeback and tour, overcoming countless obstacles. Through all the challenges, you poured your heart and soul into your work, and now, you found yourself at the top. Despite the anxiety, you wanted to allow yourself to feel proud of your accomplishments.

"Hello, yes, Beom Suk?" you picked up the call, abruptly halting your daydream and bringing you back to reality.

"Hey y/n, sorry to break it to you, but we're having a serious problem with the flight tickets," Beom Suk's voice crackled through the phone.

"What do you mean?" you asked, your heart sinking.

"I'm with Manager Hyung right now, and it looks like our tickets, along with Jaehyun and Taeyong's, were not booked."

"WHAT?" Your disbelief echoed through the phone, mingling with a rising sense of panic.

You made your way to the company straight away after the phone call. As you reached the advertising and promotion floor, you spotted the member gathered on the couch near the entrance, their expressions reflecting a sense of hopelessness. A wave of pity washed over you, stronger for them than for yourself.

The manager went to get their flight tickets earlier this morning when they found out the reservations had been mysteriously cancelled by someone in the company.

The atmosphere filled with frustration and anger grew as they tried to rebook flights at such short notice proved difficult. Hours passed with no solution in sight. Jaehyun and Taeyong sat quietly, tired and disappointed.

In a tough decision, they sent Jaehyun and Taeyong back home temporarily while the rest of the members and team proceeded with their scheduled flight. It was hard, but it was the best decision they could make.

As they bid goodbye, promises were made to keep Jaehyun and Taeyong updated on the situation. With heavy hearts, they watched their friends leave, hoping for new tickets soon.

You remained there with Beom Suk, both of you tiredly trying to sort out the situation and waiting for the staff to deal with the new tickets. Taking a seat on the couch, you let out a long sigh of exhaustion. With your eyes closed, you lean back, resting your head against the soft cushions.

"Are you okay? You've been staying up the whole week to finish this work", Beom Suk asked, he was worried for you.

"I'm a bit tired, I should be sleeping on the plane by now"

"Just hold on for a bit, okay? It will be okay soon", you nodded to him.

After what felt like an eternity of waiting and uncertainty, a sense of relief washed over the room as the staff finally announced that the new flight tickets had been successfully booked.

You and Beom Suk exchanged tired but grateful smiles, your weary expressions giving way to a glimmer of hope. Both of you quickly gathered your belongings.

--

As you called Taeyong and Jaehyun for the pick-up at the airport, your heart sank when Jaehyun didn't answer his calls. Concern etched into your brow as you tried multiple times, each attempt met with the same silence.

Thoughts raced through your mind, imagining various scenarios that could explain his lack of response. The driver wasted no time and headed straight to Jaehyun's apartment. You and Beom Suk hurriedly made your way to his building, heartbeats quickening with each step. With the passcode provided by the manager, you swiftly punched in the numbers and the door clicked open.

Your eyes widen as you entered Jaehyun's apartment. The smell of the house felt familiar to you, even some of the stuffs seems familiar to you. Although it was hard to recognise where you seen them. Just then you found yourself in front of the master bedroom, the door was slightly open enough to have peek in and the view was a disappointment to you.

Clothes shuttered on the floor, both a man and woman clothes. You gather up all the courage you ever had in you as you lift up your head to the bed. You saw Jaehyun's naked body, sleeping with his arms wrapped around Daeun's naked body.

"At the end of the day, Jaehyun is a man of his own and I am a delusional fan", a bitter realisation settling in your heart.

As your eyes slowly turning into glass, Beom Seok quickily reach out the door knob slamming the door close. Hoping it was enough to wake up the lovebirds inside.

"Hyung, your flight leaves in 3 hours we need to go now", he screamed from the door.

Beom Seok turned his gaze to your stone figure. He knew how much Jaehyun meant to you, caught Jaehyun in bed with someone who is close to you definitely breaks your heart in pieces and Beom Seok can see that through your eyes.

"Y/N, please grab Jaehyun's luggage and passport at the living room. Take it down at the car, okay? Wait for me there", he said as he bends down to catch your eyes.

You wiped the drolling tears across your cheeks and responded to Beom Seok's instruction. The next thing you know, you witnessed Jaehyun and Daeun bid goodbyes. Giving them one last kiss before all of you made it to the airport after picking up Taeyong.

The fans ran everywhere, pushing each other and flashing their cameras and phones at them. Your body was definitely exhausted by now as you tried your best to make it through the crowd of fans following Jaehyun and Taeyong. As you continue walking, you feel your leg trembling like a jelly. With no hesitation, you held on to Beom Seok's wrist for support and whispered.

"I can't stand"

"Hold on to me, we'll find a place for you to sit at the gate", firmly fixing your hand on his arm, both of you continued walking like that until the gate.

Jaehyun watched the scene unfold with a heavy sigh, realising the toll their fame was taking on you. It pained him to see you and Beom Suk caught up in the chaos, especially now that you had witnessed his relationship firsthand.

Finally reaching the gate, you collapsed into a weary nap against Beom Suk's shoulder, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to you.

"Y/N, we need to board the plane now", Beom Seok shook you gently.

"Oh really? Thank you Beom Seok, for letting me lean on your shoulder"

"No problem Y/N, you really needed that nap", he replied as all of you made your way to the plane.

"Yeah, I'd love to continue that in the plane. I'm reserving your shoulder again," Beom Suk smiled at your statement as he glanced at your boarding pass.

"But Y/N, your not sitting beside me"

"What?", as you searched for the seat number on your boarding pass.

Your heart skipped a beat when you made eye contact with Jaehyun as both of you boarded the plane. The stewardess asked for your seat, and even Beom Suk refused to believe it.

"I'm sitting next to him", you said to the stewardess.

--

Jaehyun helped put your bags in the compartment above before both of you made yourself comfortable in your seats. You remained silence at your seat, giving Jaehyun the cold shoulder, still hurt by what you had witnessed earlier.

Jaehyun, sensing the distance, felt the guilt for the discomfort he had caused. He gently reached out to offer you a blanket, and headphones when your's didn't work, and even adjusted the air conditioning, hoping to provide some comfort during the flight as he was determined to mend the strained relationship.

You stubbornly ignored his gesture, your gaze fixed firmly out the window. Jaehyun was unfazed by your actions and persisted, quietly asking if you needed anything or if you were feeling alright.

As soon as the flight dims the lights to indicate nighttime, your emotions overwhelm you once more. Tears welled up in your eyes as feelings of betrayal washed over you, you wondered why Jaehyun had toyed with your feelings if he wanted to be with someone else.

Trying your best to conceal your sobbing, you assumed Jaehyun was asleep. But as you struggled with your tears, a gentle hand reached out to touch your shoulder, surprising you. You turned to find Jaehyun looking at you with concern, his eyes filled with empathy.

"Y/N, are you okay?" he whispered softly, his voice laced with genuine concern.

You longed for Jaehyun's comfort and presence, but the reminder of his relationship status held you back. You missed him, yet you couldn't ignore the boundaries.

You couldn't bring herself to open up to Jaehyun anymore.

"I... I don't want to talk right now." you declined Jaehyun's offer of comfort, your voice trembling slightly.

It pained you to push him away, but you couldn't ignore the reality of their circumstances. With your decision you turned away, seeking solace in the solitude of your thoughts as you grappled with conflicted emotions.

--

As you reached the destination, you, Beom Suk, and Yun Hee went on an exhilarating tour of the country, exploring its sights and immersing yourselves in its culture in every free time the three of you had aside from work. Every moment was filled with laughter and joy as you created cherished memories together.

Meanwhile, the members dedicated themselves to rehearsals, pouring their hearts and souls into perfecting their performances for the upcoming tour. Their determination never wavered.

Amidst the excitement and busyness of the tour, you found yourself avoiding any mention of what had happened between you and Jaehyun. You pushed aside your feelings of sadness, burying them deep within as you threw yourself into the distractions of sightseeing and work.

One night, you found someone texting you in the middle of the night after work and the second you saw the text you knew who was it from.

‘Glad you found yourself a ticket to the tour. Suprise with his true colours yet? We are ready to have you here’

You were tempted to give out the details. It haunts you that you were tempted. The feeling of betrayal and anger lingers in your mind. Tears starts to gather in your eyes as soon you found yourself typing out Jaehyun caught in bed with ex staff, you couldn’t click send. It kills you to betray him.

He has nothing against you and so do you. Again, you reminded yourself what you use to tell Rose.

“Your just selfish because you couldn’t have your bias to yourself”

As you switch off the phone and tossed it aside. You tried your best to calm down, so you decided to go out of your hotel room and sit by the pool. No longer after, Beom Suk approached you.

At first, both of you shared simple and fun conversations but as time went on his usual cheerful character was replaced by a very serious look. You could feel the conversation getting deeper.

"Y/N, with what happened between you and Jaehyun, I just want to remind you it's okay to be sad and mad," he began, his voice barely above a whisper.

"But dwelling on those emotions won't change what happened."

You looked at him, each word carrying a weight that resonated deep within your soul. It was as if he had peeled back the layers of your heart, revealing the rawness hidden beneath the surface.

He placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. His eyes looked the same went he first offered you his shoulders, again he reminds you he'll be there with you for anything.

"I loved him," you confessed,

"And it hurts a little too much," your voice trembling with the rawness of your emotions.

The words carry out the heavy burden lifted from your chest. The emotions finally became too much for you to bear with tears welling up in your eyes.

That night, Beom Suk listened you tentatively. You told him everything that has happened between you and Jaehyun, along with the saseng you met along the way.

He comforted you with his words to your wounded heart. But as the night wore on, Beom Suk gently reminded you to focus on the task at hand – the upcoming tour.

"Y/N, I know it's difficult," he began softly, his voice filled with empathy. "But you're not alone. We're all here for you, every step of the way."

"Remember," he said with a reassuring smile, "fans are counting on us to deliver. Let's give it our all, together."

You nodded in agreement, grateful for Beom Suk's wise words and encouragement. Though the road ahead may be difficult, you knew that with Beom Suk by your side, you were ready to face whatever challenges came your way.

--

Bringing along the lingering tension between you and Jaehyun, you managed to pull yourself together for the tour, throwing yourself into your work with renewed determination. Each performance was a testament to your resilience, a reminder that you were capable of rising above the pain and focusing on the task at hand.

You also you had it enough with Rose after the night she texted. You realised that stooping to her level would only perpetuate the cycle of toxicity and invasion of privacy that had plagued Jaehyun's life.

So with Beom Suk encouragement, you courageously decide to report her to the company, determined to protect Jaehyun and members from the invasive tactics of sasaeng fans.

Soon the truth came to light – one of Jaehyun's stalkers was working at SM Entertainment, a breach of trust that sent shockwaves through the fandom. In response, the company took immediate action, terminating Rose's employment and sending a clear message that such behaviour would not be tolerated.

As the tour came to an end, you found yourself facing a new chapter in your career – working on the debut of a new boy group for SM Entertainment. The opportunity to spearhead such an important project filled you with excitement and anticipation, pushing aside the lingering thoughts of Jaehyun and the unresolved tension between you.

Yet, as the debut day arrived and the new boy group took the stage for their first performance, you felt a sense of pride and accomplishment wash over you. In that moment, all thoughts of the past were pushed aside, replaced by a sense of excitement for the future and the promise of new beginnings.

Years passed, and yet the situation continued to simmer, unresolved and unspoken, until this day. Despite the passage of time, the tension between you and Jaehyun remains an unspoken truth, a silent reminder of the complexities of love and the scars it leaves behind.

--

Jaehyun arrived at the wedding hall, he was dressed neatly in his black suit with his hair pulled up. An old man greeted him at the hall door which he assume is your father, soon he was escorted to his seat along with the members at the table.

"Glad you made it", Johnny patted his back, welcoming him next to his seat.

The light dimmed as they started the ceremony, all the lights reflected on the crystal chandelier making the hall look dreamy. The band starts playing a lovely melody at the corner of the hall.

"It's just too perfect", Jaehyun thought.

The guests began to clap their hands when they announced that the bride was entering. Jaehyun did not dare to face you, he kept his head forward to the stage while others were already admiring you down the aisle. Tangled with emotions, he knew he shouldn't have missed this moment of you. It might hurt him dearly but he would rather get drunk all night than miss your once-in-a-lifetime moment. He adjusted himself in his seat and turned towards to direction.

Your dress was serenely beautiful and looked ethereal in the soft light. With that smile you put on, it does show you are happier now.

He smiled, reflecting on the joy you brought into his life.

"She's really pretty", Johnny commented on the table.

"She is"

"Didn't you say you had a crush on her back then?", he whispered to Jaehyun.

"I did, it's just I found myself back to Daeun"

"Then, you should have married her!"

Jaehyun's eyes went back to you. How he imagine it was him next to you, instead of Beom Suk. Bitter truth, he was hopelessly in love with someone of the married couple.

"I should", he said while his eyes were serenade by you.

"I should have".

-- ★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆ --

[perfctvelvet]

I can’t stop thinking about Momo from Twice!! 😫 She’s SO hot and I NEED her to straddle me, put me into a mating press and use a double ended dildo with me. She’s so strong and has so much stamina I could imagine Momo not stopping her thrusts until she’s satisfied and eating reader in between out to give them a “break” (ofc with reader not wanting her to stop either but Momo knows reader is just being a brat 🤭)

Lush; Momo/Reader

Content: 2nd POV. PWP, teasing and praise, overstimulation, double-ended dildo, oral (reader receiving).

A/N: Anon thank you for this message 😿I love when y'all get creative in my inbox!!! Hopefully I did your fantasy some justice. Enjoy!

It was amazing how Momo could just keep going and going. All that stamina and energy had to go somewhere, and she took it out on your poor pussy.

Your knees are almost pressed to your shoulders as Momo drills into you. The toy she has is thick and placed inside the two of you. She's able to keep herself composed, focused on nothing but pure pleasure while you feel like a hot mess beneath her. Tears fall from your eyes as she tries to kiss them away. Two rounds and orgasms in and you're so overwhelmed. Despite having the same thick length in her pussy, Momo is able to handle it much better than you. The feeling of her driving the toy into you and hitting your sore soft spot made you shake. The mess between your legs caused your skin to stick to his. You kept your eyes closed shut in embarrassment; the only thing on your mind is when will he be fully satiated?

"Can you handle another one, pretty girl?"

She manages to speak in a clear voice with soft moans placed between some of her words. Compared to you, who can only let out a babble, Momo could go for a few more rounds.

"Momo!" You whine. It's the only coherent word you can manage.

Momo cups your face and kisses your bruised lips. She feels bad that you're already so worn out, but she also enjoys seeing you at her mercy.

"You're doing so good for me baby. Your pretty face is gonna make me cum!"

Despite the pleasure stirring in her stomach, Momo's thrusts are still consistent and mean. You know she's getting close because she's fucking you faster and harder. She meets you with one final thrust before grinding her clit against yours. You don't mean to cum with her but after all this time of getting your pussy stretched open, the pressure on your clit makes you explode.

Your voice cracks at the loud moan that escapes. Momo squeals and moans as she cums just seconds after you. Her cum slides down the toy and onto your pussy. You are far past feeling sloppy, but Momo wants more.

"Don't give up on me now baby." She sits up, giving you a chance to stretch and move your legs again, but your pussy is still stuffed. She starts bouncing again, her pretty tits moving up and down with each movement.

You just lay there trying to pull yourself together. You grab onto Momo's hips which slow her down a little. She gives you a sympathetic look and comes to a complete stop. You're tired, but seeing her slide off of the double-ended dildo makes your mouth water.

"My pretty baby feeling sore?"

Unable to speak, you nod your head pathetically. Momo coos at the sight of you. You weren't sure if she was teasing you or if she was feeling bad for making you this way. She gets between your legs and slowly pulls the dildo out of you. You whimper once you're pussy is empty and has nothing to clench anymore. Through half-closed eyes you watch her stick your end of the toy into her mouth and she sucks off your cum. She moans at the taste. You close your eyes completely to avoid feeling even more embarrassment. Your face feels like it's on fire.

Momo inspects your sore pussy for a few seconds before softly dragging her finger against your puffy folds. You tense up and open your eyes again. You're still feeling overwhelmed but somehow her touching you like this is soothing. Momo bends down and buries her face in your pussy. She collects the mix your cum together in her mouth. She hums as if she's feasting on the sweetest, freshest honey in all of the land. Her soft tongue on your pussy feels like silk. The feeling of your flesh against her tongue is turning her on more than you.

She should show some restraints, but she just can't. The mess between your legs, the taste of your pussy, and the sight of like this makes her hungry again. So for the third time tonight, she pushes the dildo into your pussy again and then mounts you.

"Just one more for me. I promise."

[moooncats]

✿ Pick A Card : Your Vibes ✿

•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•

Pile 1 : Integrity.

You are full of inspiration which is very addictive. Lowkey- your peers love to absorb your energy so they can get just an ounce of what you have. Please be careful for energy Vampires pile 1! 🧛‍♀️🩸 Use your discretion when interacting with others. I'm seeing here that your energy gives me a feeling of honor. You live life righteously. I'm hearing "Ho'o Pono Pono". Your eyes show the truth in them and your mouth spreads it amongst the universe. People who hear you speak want to follow you. I'm seeing here that you are easily a leader pile 1, and you don't mind if others want to be there by your side as you preach. Trendsetter mindset strongly here. I'm hearing "Genuine". People can just tell that you are wholesome and down to earth. Just like fine wine, your energy is intoxicating. People can tell you have that Je ne sais quoi. You are a truth seeker who is reliable, and you don't really care what people think or say about you. You stay focused in the now. People find that very respectable about you. In my minds eye I'm seeing Mulan. At first what she was doing was against the norms, but she pushed through what others thought and said and did the unthinkable. Pile 1, you are innovators and creatives who have a beautiful aura and energy to share! A true Visionary. ♡ Your soulfulness is really attractive and magnetic as well i'm picking up on old souls. People who resonate with feeling like they've been on earth for a long time and this isn't their first rodeo. People instinctively know not to mess with you, and try to get in your good graces.

•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•

Pile 2 : Dragons.

This is my lucky pile. 🍀♡ You can see the synchronicities in life and you use that to your advantage. Even if you don't even notice yourself doing so, the universe hears your thoughts and does whatever it can at the moment to match your current frequency which is in tuned with wealth. You may love to be grounded in the 4D, you are well at visualizing your goals, dreams, and aspirations. You may also be very grounded in the 3D as well, for ex: you like to take your time to contemplate your actions before you do them. You understand that some of your idea's don't need much attention so you move in secret, and keep your dreams to yourself/others that you find as ride or dies. This pile may also like to look plain when they go on about their day to day tasks. Even if you have an abundance of wealth. You may not flex often unless needed to "understand the assignment". Like a dragon, you keep your precious possesions locked away in your safe haven. You understand that those precious things keep you sane and on the righteous path that has made you into the person that you are. You know how to work hard, and play hard. ✈️ I'm seeing vacations, pamper days, and being at home relaxed in a setting where you get to choose what surrounds you. You like to keep negative vibes out of your sight so your mind can be more clearer. You understand that when your mind is clear, manifesting becomes easier and easier. ⚠️ PSA for this pile, please be careful when it comes to hoarding. If you feel overwhlemed at times, it is okay to let go and observe how you feel after that. "I just sit back and observe" 💅 by Nicki Minaj is what I'm hearing. Sometimes, less can be more. 🌿 One man's trash, is another man's treasure may also resonate with you pile 2. ✨️

•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•

Pile 3 : Family Friendly.

You're seen as a bubbly person. I'm seeing truly's and energy drinks in my minds eye. Your energy is sugary and sweet my pile 3 🍸. It is also very intoxicating as well. Imagine a hummingbird landing on a flower. You are that flower. 🌷 Most of your time is spent well with family/those who you consider as family. People like to think of you as someone who is very reliable, they see you as a cruicial part of their daily routine. You may also be seen as the innocent wide eye'd child you once were (or still are). You love to see others happy, and as a result smiles are never far from your reach. 🌈 You seem to get very good reactions out of people. Even if you've seen someone having a rough day and they lash out on you, they ruminate on their actions and start to feel bad because to them - you are their ohana. They wouldn't dare leave you behind because if they did, who would be their sunshine after a rainy day, or their stars in the nightime? Pile 3, you may also be mothers or fathers as well. If so, your kids love you so much. They appriciate everything you do for them. You're seen as a Magician who can conjure up anything for the right occasions. Love is a strong theme for this pile. I'm seeing your heart chakra is open and when you fully embrace it. I just thought of the scene from the grinch when his heart finally grows bigger and he's ready to be a part of the society he is in. You may, be learning to fit in while being an outsider. Although being an outsider, you are like a magnet to others who you piqued their interests. It's hard to be in a bad mood around someone who's buzzing, it is quite contagious. 🐝✨️

•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•

Thank you for reading this, I appreciate you all. If you have any suggestions on the next reading, don't be afraid to let me know in the comments/dm. ^-^ Stay hydrated and weird everyone. Moooncats out! ✌️🦇✨️

[drdemonprince]

Do you have any favourite scary movies?

I love the ambiguity and grief of The Orphanage, and the main character's emotional journey is absolutely gutting.

The Strangers has some of the most subtle, dread-inducing scares of any horror film of its era; if you liked the hidden ghosts in Mike Flanagan's Haunting of Hill House, it owes some inspiration to this film, I think. It truly gave me nightmares.

The newer Suspiria has really stayed with me, and I loved Flawed Peacock's analysis of the film on Youtube as well. I watched both this and the original back-to-back a few months ago, and they're both great in different ways, but nothing tops the haunting, sickening beauty of the end of this one.

28 Days Later is the only zombie movie for me, and yes part of that is because Cillian Murphy was so fuckable in it. I'll never forget the quiet, contemplative air of this movie, which is rivaled only by The Last of Us games. The zombie genre is bloated with derivative crap, but this movie rang in a whole new generation, and did it so well you don't need most of the rest.

The original Saw is a hell of a stage-play-slash-bottle-episode, and it's far more sophisticated in its writing than any of the rest in the series. It really holds up in my opinion.

The Cell isn't really that scary, to me, but it's fucking cunty as hell with incredible costumes and set pieces, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Bonus points for having a minor corruption/hypnosis aspect really tickled my imagination. I just wish that element had lasted for longer.

Speaking of movies that are actually plays -- there's no better Stephen King adaptation than Misery. Kathy Bates absolutely crushes in a nauseating, confining performance here, and the hobbling scene is one you just never forget. To me it's a perfectly paced film, and it holds up shockingly well in the era of stans and superfandoms.

Ghost Ship is my favorite bad stupid horror movie. The opening scene is enough creative nonsense carnage to justify its existence, but stick around through the end for a very weird trip-hop montage.

Dead Silence is another goofy one that gets really inventive with its gore. I love horror movies that do just downright disrespectful, creepy shit with corpses, and that's what this one is all about.

The Boy is a fucking laugh riot to me. The entire premise is so transparent from the very beginning and the thrills are so awkward and tame that it's a great Halloween party movie. If you're anything like me, you and your friends will walk around the house talking about the Boy for days afterward. Brahms is an age regressor king

Some people find Aronofsky's movies to be too over-the-top to connect with, but I think he nailed the internal horror of perfectionism, codependency, sexual repression, and eating disorders with Black Swan. Barbara Hershey's character is so perfectly unsettling that it sets all my people-pleasing, abandonment-fearing issues alight every time. Everything about this movie is confining and distorting, which is exactly how it feels inside when you narrow your entire life to a singular pursuit and are governed by impossible rules.

The Others has exactly what I need for a horror movie to have good replay value: just like The Orphanage, it's final reveal is more depressing and unsettling than it is pure scary, which makes it cut deeper, and it recontexualizes the whole rest of the film. The interiors and aesthetics are great.

Possession is easily the most disturbing movie on this list. This one cuts deep in a confusing, unmooring way -- it makes you feel sick in your soul, hopeless, and put off from relationships. Filming it reportedly ruined Sam Neil & Isabelle Adjani's lives for a good while, and you can see why. This film is the psychological reality of divorce in its unabashed form. To really leave behind a life you once committed yourself to, you have to become almost unrecognizable to yourself, and do great violence to both your former self, and the ones you love. This film gets that, and it's painful. It makes you feel disgusting for wanting things or for staying in a place where you're unhappy.

Happy watching!