#source: sonic shorts

[briceterry04]

*Roman checks the fridge and realizes that there's no more eggs in the fridge*

Roman, slamming the fridge shut: YOU GREEN IDIOT! YOU ATE ALL THE EGGS!

Remus: Yeah, so what if I did? What are you gonna do, break my arms!?

*Remus is now in the hospital with two casts covering his arms and Janus is standing next to him*

Janus: You really shouldn't give him ideas.

Remus, mocking janus: YoU rEaLlY sHOuLdN't GiVe HiM iDeAs!

*janus hits one of Remus casted arms, and it cuts away to the hospital building as Remus screams to high heaven in pain*

[spacewarriorsam]

Kaz: Hey, where's my toast? (Kaz is looking in the toaster, and gets hit with a slice of bread) Toast: I am the toast king, I shall grant you three wishes. Kaz: Hey, man, I just want my toast. Toast: Wait, what are you doing?! (Kaz, with a bored expression on his face, eats the toast)

[fnfquotesbutheytheyarentright]

Why Sky Didn't Make A Cameo In Date Week

Sky, holding a tied up BF: Oh, come on! You said cute couples get in free!

Computer: >ACCESS DENIED!

Yukichi, walking in with the Red Impostor: Excuse us! :D

Computer: >Welcome to the date night carnival, cute couple!

Sky, as BF is just there, done with life: THEY'RE a cute couple?! COME ON!!!

Computer: >ACCESS DENIED!!!

Sky is about to flip, and turn into her Manifest form, holding BF by the neck, basically choking him in the process

[bumpsyp1ains]

*whisper trips over a sleeping chao*

tangle, dramatically running to her: wha happun?

whisper: i tripped on a chao…

tangle, pulling another chao out of nowhere: i’ll trip on a chao too!

whisper: no-

[choco-courtier]

You ever think about the idea that Sonic, Shadow and Silver all might have impressively long quills for hedgehog mobians? Cus I do. Cus they all have reasons to. Sonic’s constantly tearing through solid metal and wires, the more buzzsaw like he can make himself the better and the more layers between him and sparking machinery while spindashing also all the better. Shadow’s a living weapon and part alien and he has the same reasons as Sonic to maintain them, also, his quills must be So Weird to other hedgehogs. Why are they so dark? I’ve never seen that stripe pattern in my life. How are they going up so much?? And so on. Silver. Silver dude guy. Post/mid-apocalypse extraordinaire (had to look up that word. why the hell is it spelled like that) Between his insane quills and the telekinesis, touching him if he doesn’t want you to is guaranteed pain. Someone get him some industrial scissors his quills don’t need to be that long anymore.

Imagine being a normal little hedgehog mobian. You’ve been living your life, having your quills carefully trimmed and blunted for your convenience and others’ safety, trying to find a nice balance between lengths so it looks nice without ruining the couch. the couch probably gets ruined anyway but it takes longer than if you were doing nothing. You kinda wish you could grow them out more cus other mobians with just fur do some pretty cool stuff. And one day your town gets overrun by robots by this human dude and you get saved by this blue mobian who you haven’t been able to get a good look at because he’s going So Fast and when he finally slows down you’re like. oh. neat I’ve been saved by a superspeed porcupine-wait no. why’s he look like. hedge hog??? Quills? Why????????? Are they so long what.

This guy has done the equivalent of growing up in a world of sewing needle hair and decided to grow them out to goddamn knife points. How has he not stabbed himself. what does his monthly spending on couches look like? And then two other guys show up. they also get mistaken for porcupines. they are also hedgehogs. What.

They all look cool as hell. plotting to ask them about their quill care routine is in your future. Maybe you’ll ask the pink one that just showed up. She seems like the most normal (wrong.) She might know how they do that.

[pkrockinon]

Just gonna casual share some WIPs I won't get to finish anytime soon :(

I'm a little sad I never finished this one, considering his hands came out nice...

I made this one during my one month Hello Kitty phase last year and Blaze had a good chunk of her line art done too!

RIP Computer :/

[welcome-to-green-hills]

João Filipe Santiago—the creator of Project: Shadow fan film—is currently working a second film/short video. This time it’s Sonic and Shadow focused. The film’s date will be announced at a later date.

SOURCE

[couch-house]

Okay I finally figured out Comet's origin story. Long version under the cut but short version is: knuckles finally got to reunite with the surviving echidnas but they didnt want to leave their homes to live on the floating island, so an alien felt bad for him and gave him a fankid <3

Okay so to recap stc canon: Knuckles has spent his entire time on the floating island believing he is protecting it until his people return. he doesnt remember, but he used to live in the ancient echidna city with Tikal and Pachacamac, but somehow was transported 8000 years into the future (present day). This happens after Tikal briefly brings Sonic back in time to help the echidnas fight off the Drakon empire--fish-shaped aliens that discovered chaos energy (the emeralds were made by the Drakons with the echidnas' sacred emeralds, then the echidnas "stole" them back and the drakons declared war). They succeed in beating them back for this battle, but my headcanon (which ended up being p close to what Kitching supposedly planned out) is that after this battle, the drakons come back and end up wiping the echidnas out--those that arent killed are taken off mobius as prisoners/slaves. At some point, some of them are able to escape and form a sanctuary away from the drakons.

Okay now we gotta talk about the Kaamdaarns. The Kaamdaarns are alternate dimension aliens that appear in 113, 119, and 120. They are peaceful aliens with "highly advanced science" indistinguishable from magic, which they use to disable any weapons on their planet and then also to free Shorty from his cybernik suit.

so the STORY WITH COMET GOES... Kintobor helps Knuckles to identify some kind of beacon signal that appears to be coming from other echidnas. Knuckles and Sonic hop into a spaceship (tekno and porker collab) and through a dimensional portal (tekno and kintobor collab) to find the source. they find a colony of echidnas long-established on a sanctuary planet under the protection of the kaamdaarns. the reunion is pretty bittersweet for knuckles bc like. these are people 8000 years removed from his culture. there are maybe some things still in common but otherwise their lives are completely distinct from how he grew up. and after 8000 years, very few if any of them consider the floating island home more than the place they are now. even those that might be interested in going back with knuckles are wary of the risk of leaving the safety of the kaamdaarn planet and being captured by drakons. and for a bunch of ruins... it's not really worth it

so knuckles has once again lost the whole Purpose of Everything He's Done and ummm well it goes about as well as the first time that happened

so he's hanging on by a Thread but the kaamdaarn that brought him and sonic to the village--her name's haven here she is--

says "you know what will fix that? a child." and see above: her making comet. GREAT idea, i agree. i mean the thought was more like "surely there is a way for you to both stay with your friends AND with other echidnas." but same difference. anyway sonic doesnt know what kind of egg that is.

thanks for listening. here's porker lewis as a reward :)

[mealbits]

could you share another silly sonic hc?

the shadow one made me smile :3

ON IT BOSS o7 tails has a youtube channel and/or website where he posts videos. he doesn't post often at all but they're like ALWAYS over an hour long (unless it's the veeery occasional cooking video. I'd imagine those r ridiculously short) usually it's just a timelapse w/ commentary over him repairing and recycling some badnik tech for some personal project of his, but there's one 3hr long epic of him building a fucking monster car(that's powered by a chaos emerald) and, in his own words, "driving it for as long as it'll survive". it's not that he thinks the chaos emerald isn't a good energy source, I just imagine it would be VERY difficult to consistently power something w/ chaos energy before the engine itself cant handle it without exploding or breaking down. so the entire video is him occasionally taking breaks along the road to repair the thing before it sets itself on fire.

[slasher-male-wife]

My Valentine: Harry Warden x gn reader

So this is a kind of short and nothing too serious. I just wanted to put something out for Valentines day before the day passes. I might make a part two for this but I'll hopefully have more Valentines day stuff for y'all soon.

Themes: Angst?

Warnings: Home invasion, drugging, murder mentions, slight swearing

It was a stupid dare. A stupid dare that you should have never done in the first place. Your friends convinced you to go to the mines in your town and go down in them with nothing but a flashlight. You wanted to refuse but you knew you’d get shit for it if you didn’t do it. 

Now here you are. Walking down a dark mine tunnel with a flashlight in hand, trying to go deep enough to find a piece of coal to prove to your friends you actually went down there. Every creak, every groan of the wooden beams, every micro sonic noise you hear makes your body tense and mind ache with the effort of not running right back up to your friends. You finally reach low enough to find a piece of coal and you quickly pick it up, turning around and walking back towards the tunnel. You point your flashlight ahead as you speed through the mines. 

“Happy Valentines day Y/N, we know you’re single so we’ll hang out with you but you have to go into a dangerous mine and do a stupid dare.” You mumble to yourself in a bit of a bitter tone. But up in the distance a figure emerges from an alcove. You stop walking and point your flashlight down. They’re far from you, but you can tell they’re a miner, probably someone who forgot to go up earlier in the day. 

“Oh I’m sorry.” You say, trying to think of a way to explain yourself being down here, holding nothing but a piece of coal and a flashlight. You stuff the coal in your jacket pocket and clear your throat. “My uh boyfriend lost his wallet down here earlier and I went and got it for him. I hope you don’t mind me being down here. I wasn’t trying to pull anything, I promise.” You say, hoping whoever this is doesn’t call your bluff and get the police involved. You start to walk forwards again but the person doesn’t move from where they stand. 

Eventually, as you walk up within 20 feet of him he ducks back into the alcove. You pause, look around, then walk forward even faster. You peer into the alcove once you reach it but find nothing waiting for you there. You let out a breath from deep inside your chest before you point your flashlight ahead and get back to walking up the mine. 

But that man reminds you of that story from town. The man who went crazy in that mine in the 50’s and he went on a killing spree. You’re unsure what happened to him but his name. You can’t remember his name. You just shrug it off and sigh, getting closer and closer to the entrance.

Later that night you’re finally back at your house later that night. You turn on the light to the kitchen and walk in, sliding off your shoes and coat before you make your way further into the house. Soon you pick up on a strange smell. Something earthy and sour. You try to follow the smell but it’s not strong enough to come off in one central direction, so it’s probably just your clothes smelling funny after being down in the mines that night. 

You make your way upstairs into your bathroom and you turn on the shower when you hear a noise downstairs. You open the bathroom door and look down the stairs. It’s probably just your cat. But you hear it again, then again, and again. It sounds like something tapping against wood. You turn off the shower and slowly walk back downstairs. 

“Kitty? Kitty kitty.” You say, walking around downstairs trying to find the source of the knocking. After walking around aimlessly for a couple of minutes you finally find that the noise is coming from a closet. The silly cat must have gotten itself stuck in there. You sigh with a soft smile and shake your head. “Oh alright kitty I’ll get you out.” You say, walking over to the closet. You open the door but when you look at the ground you don’t see a cat waiting for you, you see a pair of large boots, then, looking up, you see the man they’re attached to, the man you saw in the mines. 

You’re stuck frozen for a moment as you just stare up at him. You can hear his breathing through the gas mask he’s wearing, the lens's darken to the point you can’t see his eyes behind them. The initial shock starts to wear off and you slowly back up as he starts to follow after you. You shake your head and turn, running away from him as fast as you can and over to your front door, practically breaking the handle from the door as you thrash it open and sprint out of it. 

You don’t even bother to check if he’s behind you as you run out to your car to find a human heart sitting on top of it, the words ‘Be mine forever’ written out on the hood of your car with blood. 

You suppress the urge to vomit and you shake your head before you see him making his way back over to you. You freeze up again momentarily before you start to run, looking around and trying to find another way back to town, not fully processing the cold, harsh ground on your bare feet. 

“Stay away from me! Stay away you fucker!” You shout back at the man chasing you. You keep running for a good couple of moments before you turn around and see that he’s gone, and it’s quiet. All you can hear is the beating of your heart deep inside your ears. You look around for a moment again before you start to run back to your house. You get inside and slam the door shut again. You rush over to your phone and try to dial 911 but your hands are too shaky to fully connect to the keys. 

“God damn it! Come on!” You shout desperately, trying to force your fingers down on the keys, your heart beat still ringing in your ears, stopping you from hearing the footsteps coming up behind you. You’re unable to stop yourself as an arm wraps around your torso and pulls you against a body. You know who it is. It’s him. Then the legend comes back to you, the miner from the 50’s. 

“Harry Warden.” You say to yourself breathlessly. Before you’re able to do anything else he shoves something that tastes like chocolate with a bitter medicine liquid taste in your mouth. You start to thrash and struggle against him but it’s no use as your body grows tired and limp against him. The last thing you remember being carried off bridal style by him. 

[sorio99]

Thinking about H.Bomberguy’s Roblox_oof.mp3, and I can’t help but imagine the real backstory for how might have all happened to him.

He’s looking online one day in 2020, 2021, and sees an news article about how the Oof sound effect originated from Messiah.

He writes it down as a possible video idea, but puts it on the back burner so he can cover more important topics, like how Anti-vaxxers are destroying the world or how Deus Ex: Human Revolution is mid.

Finally, in late 2022, he decides to take a break from his longer, months-of-research deep dives, and picks the Oof story to make a short video about.

When he gets to the point of talking about how Tommy owns the sound effect, he writes up a biography section of the video, talking about a lot of Tommy’s past accomplishments, and sets aside the Amico disaster for its own section, since it’s fairly well documented and there’s overlap with the discovery of the Oof sound effect.

While working on the main bulk of the episode, he notices the discrepancy of who actually MADE the sound effect, and looks into it further, only to realize Tommy’s been pretty shady about all of it.

He begins double checking Tommy’s biography and credits, since he wants to see if there’s any precedent for Tommy personally working on Sound Effects.

While doing so, he sees the Sonic claim again, and immediately realizes “Wait, there’s no possible way that’s right”, because even someone who doesn’t know two things about Sonic could figure out that Tommy wasn’t the first American to work on it, and he begins checking ALL of Tommy’s claims against more verifiable sources.

Five simple facts later, and it’s blatantly obvious Tommy Tallarico is a pathological liar who was once taken to court for lying so much.

And the rest is history.

[m3tal-f0x]

I decided to write more on my band au because I've gotten to work more on it!

Amy, Gadget and Barry's band is named Piko Piko Shoot and they focus on Pop Rock/Punk.

Amy is the lead singer, she grew up in a rich family and a prodigy in academics, music and skating. She ran away from her home to pursue a musical career with her two (loser) friends. She also dwells in grafitti art, all of which are designed by Barry.

Gadget is the one who actually started the band, he provides the guitars and back-up vocals. He works in a local cafe to pay up for rent and band expenses. He's a pro skater and has a huge crush on Infinite.

Barry is a simple artist and bassist who attended the same school as Gadget. He accepted to form the band in hopes of becoming someone and proving everyone who doubted him, wrong.

__

Chaos Blast is a band started by Shadow and his childhood best friend and sister, Rouge. They focus on deep and meaningful lyrics, mostly inspired by Shadow's older sister, Maria.

Shadow is the lead singer and to fans, a mystery. He prefers to keep any information on himself private, completely avoiding interviews and avoiding any social media. Truth is, Shadow started the band to, not only raise money for Maria's hospital bills, but also offer the young girl some entertainment.

Rouge is the bassist and stylist of the band, sometimes offering some back-up vocals for their songs. She's very gossipy and the main source of information for fans.

Silver is a shy and friendly bassist, he sometimes helps with songwriting and manages the band's social media account. He was born in Soleanna and has a love for gardening. He was close friends with Blaze before losing contact with her.

Knuckles is the band's drummer, known for channeling his short temper and rage into his work. He's quiet and very passionate about cooking in his free time.

__

Phantom Ruby was formed by childhood best friends Sonic and Infinite out of pure boredom, their lyrics being edgy for the sake of it.

Infinite is the singer and main songwriter. He's very open about himself, even coming across as egocentric. In his own head, Chaos Blast is trying to copy Phantom Ruby and steal their spotlight.

Sonic had a simple life growing up in Sunset City with his younger brother, Miles. He accepted forming a band with Infinite to pursue his dream career as a guittarist. He's very loud and energetic and has an easy time hyping up the croud. He's openly gay and has a crush on Shadow.

Blaze grew up in Soleanna and moved to the big city to purse a drumming career. She provides help with the lyrics and helps keep the other two in line whenever their manager, Espio has a hard time.

__

Other characters include

Miles, Sonic's adoptive younger brother, a prodigy and mechanical genius, dropped his studies to become the band's technician.

Espio, a mysteryous and serious person, Phantom Ruby's manager.

Honey, Phantom Ruby's stylist and social media manager. A big gossip always in touch with their community.

Wave, Chaos Blast's official stylist and manager. She grew up a graffitti artist and extreme gear pro. She's dating Rouge behind the scenes.

Maria, Shadow's older and sick sister. Her dream was to be able to watch a band live but due to her condition she was unable to.

Vector, Owner and DJ of the radio station JSR 095. He's very known in Rokkaku Street (Where Gadget and Barry grew up.)

Jet, Wave's younger brother and extreme gear pro. His gang controls Rokkaku Street with their grafitti art.

Ivo, the owner of IvoTech Empire, a company who creates multi-use and purpose robots and implementing them in society. He's also the creator of the extreme gear and his own brand of robo-singers.

[redpenship]

Many fans bemoan Sonic's characterization in issue 50. Why does he talk so much? they wonder. Should he be moralizing at someone he just met? they post on Tumblr/Twitter, the websites for moralizing at people you just met. As a comic fan, should I really be expected to read more than 40 words of dialogue on a single page?

All of these are valid critiques. However, I believe the debate around Sonic's characterization distracts from the issue's most problematic content: the destruction of gay men in the Sonic IDW universe.

The first incident is obvious: the relationship of Doctor Starline and Doctor Eggman. Despite being two men in a relationship, their relationship is very obviously lesbian-coded. As we all know, lesbians get divorced at higher rates compared to hetero- or m/m homosexual couples (source). This is sometimes attributed to the lesbian phenomenon of "u-hauling", in which lesbians move in together very shortly after dating. Now stuck in close quarters despite never truly testing the boundaries of their relationship, they are prone to discover love-breaking flaws in one another that ultimately destroy their romance affair. Eggman and Starline's relationship follows a similar cycle: they meet, move in together, and then tragically break up because they discover irreconcilable differences between each other. Their relationship is lesbian-coded, whether done intentionally by the writers or not.

This is the first affront committed against gay men. Lesbian-coding them is problematic, as lesbian and gay relationship cycles are unique and cannot be swapped around carelessly. Male homosexual romance is particularly distinct. Allow me to outline an example here: typically, the two men begin as rivals who dislike each other for a variety of reasons. This rivalry ebbs due to conflict or mutual interest in helping one another with a problem, such as figuring out what to do when there is only one bed in a hotel room or one of them is going through that "time of the year". Any intrinsic binaries dividing them, be they sociological or biological, play heavily into the flourishing romance--heteronormativity is what makes gay relationships exciting, after all. The two men then realize that they may be attracted to each other despite their rivalry, forgiving each other for past sins even as severe as trying to crash a space station into the planet. They are then free to comfortably fall back into the fictional gender roles ascribed to them, reflecting dominant and submissive positions, and--huh? Sonadow omegaverse doesn't reflect the complexities of IRL gay relationships at all? Weird.

Moving on, I have now established that the lesbian-coding of Starline and Eggman's relationship was one of IDW's first offenses against gay men. The next offense is even grander than the first, so hold on tight!

Within the Sonic universe, Eggman has always stood in defiance of gender roles. His insistence on wearing pants, despite bottoms being a degenerate garment for women only, has always set him aside from other men in the series. Issue 50 undermines his anti-masculine position by reincorporating him into the hetero-patriarchy via intimate violence.

It is common knowledge that drone operators are kinda gay (source). Real soldiers kill other men in close combat wherein their life is likewise in danger. A man killing another man, dominating him while sweaty and short of breath and tussled up, is a strictly masculine affair. Drone operators do not experience such a masculine version of killing. Queer theorist Cara Daggett asserts that the spatiotemporal disorientation of drone warfare emasculates drone operators, as they kill from afar without bearing any of the risks associated with normal combat. A hypermasculine designs and messaging around drones fail to disguise their reality as genderqueer bodies.

This theory can be easily applied to Doctor Eggman. In games and most comics, he does not directly engage with any foes--he prefers to fight with robots and mech suits. His badniks and other robots (such as Metal Sonic) therefore turn into genderqueer bodies as they deny him "masculine killing" by disorienting his spatiotemporal axis relative to his enemies. When this is combined with his insistence on wearing pants, it becomes clear that always operated in defiance to hetero-patriarchal norms. He is a gay man.

In issue 50, this becomes unclear. Doctor Eggman reorients his spatiotemporal axis by grabbing the platypus by his leg and smashing him into the ground. With this one action, Eggman openly embraces his role in the heteropartriarchy by engaging in close combat. The queer ideal of Doctor Eggman is dead.

Starline is gone. Eggman is effectively a heterosexual man. No one cares about Don and Nite. In one issue, the IDW writing team has destroyed the status of gay men in their comics and reduced them to nothing.

Remember this post next time you so proudly post about how many lesbians there are in the comics. Their empire has been manufactured by the systematic removal of gay men in the comics. Do not let the cute wlw or questionable Sonic characterization distract you from this fact!

a/n: sorry, this got away from me. big /j for everything here.

[bumpsyp1ains]

tangle, frantically: whisper, do you have any change?!

whisper, digging in her wallet:

whisper: how about this bar of gold?

tangle: that’s not gonna work, we need a ring!

[bunji-enthusiast]

Heyyy! I was out of town the whole day and came back just now I'm exhausted so this request might be short or too dumb XD

Sonic x reader

A Halloween night and reader was out trick or treating but it's midnight so time to head home, and sonic exe decides its funny to try and scare reader on the way back chasing them around doing his best to scare them

But reader is just pretending to be scared of him and hides, and when exe least expect they jump out from behind a tree and jumpscares him!

The Scariest Halloween (If that’s true)

Note || ohhh! This is such a fluffy fluff idea ❤️

WC || 729

“Oh this was such a great haul!”

Letting out a hum of agreement, you nodded. All the candy looked real tasty, but there were a few you didn’t have a particular liking too – so you handed those off to your friend. 

You wondered if the streets were still open, but few here and there were already settling down into the night. Even with some that are actually already done with all the trick or treaters, you could recall a few good costumes you found during your extensive time as one of the few who actually decided to go out for halloween. 

“Yeah,” Your friend says, “I gotta head home now, my mom set a curfew and I can’t be late.” They sheepishly said. You raised a knowing brow, but shrugged, you can understand their situation; “Don’t worry, I will be fine by myself. I need to go home too anyway.”

They smiled with relief, feeling as if a burden had been lifted from their shoulders. They waved you goodbye as they shouted, ‘Thank you! You're the best as always.’ You let out a long sigh, feeling a creeping anxiety set into the pit of your stomach. You didn’t like being alone by yourself at night on the streets, especially not for long. Regardless, you could manage in your unfortunate circumstances. 

Though, all those costumes you saw were simply so comforting and dazzling. 

Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball Z, Clowns, and a few. You couldn’t remember them all exactly, but they were very precious. There were pictures as proof, as you did ask for permission to take them. You thought they were nice people, having even exchanged contact information with one of them. Your friend from before was that person, you just clicked with them instantly. You wished they would have stuck around a little longer. 

“Well, gotta get home.” You sigh, walking down the street as you keep your head held high. Not letting any little sound or misstep scare you. 

Sounds of footsteps resound in your ears, reminding you to keep walking. It was your own fortunately, but something eerie sounded beneath your own. You certainly didn’t want to find out the source of that sound. So on forth, you continued walking. Up ahead you could see trees appear, laying in a row in front of the sidewalk you were walking upon. For a moment, the muscles in your ear spasmed, alerting you to something. It was random at times, but this appeared to be worse. 

An all too familiar laugh resounds in your ear, glitchy yet affirming your silent suspicions. “You have to be kidding me.” You raise a brow, then continue walking, shifting into a hunched over stance as if to display to your pursuer that you were indeed scared of the situation you were placed in. For the most part, you could feel as if it worked. Sensing steps creeping up behind you, you jolted, shifting fully into running away. You didn’t want to stick around for his antics, you’ve had enough of them. But you could play into them for his sake, this felt fun for once. 

“HAHAHA!” His laugh resounds once again in your ears, but it was as if it was stimulating. Yes, that was the word. Silly as it may sound, but his laugh was reassuring, that you weren’t actually alone. 

And for a few minutes more, he chased you around the neighborhood. Having only lost sight of you once you dived behind somewhere, causing him to look around in confusion. Normally he had such good sight, so he looked around more, eyes glazing over the environment with careful trepidation. 

‘No way I’m gettin old’ the demonic hedgehog thinks to himself, then shakes the thought off. “Hide And Seek huh? You may have chosen the wrong game.” He says, laughing once more as he looks around for you. His path was set and predetermined, so it wasn’t hard for you to angle your way around him, staying out of sight in the process. 

Once you felt he was cornered, you snickered to yourself. 

You could finally get the jump on him!

Carefully you stepped out, maneuvering your way toward him from behind so as to not alert him to your presence. He was still clearly very much looking for you, but it was in his unlucky state that you were actually-

“BOO!”

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

What follows is a retelling of the Jurassic Park story, mainly based on the 1993 film, with portions of the original novel used to supplement the story. The main point of divergence occurs when the park is unable to find workable nonavian dinosaur genetic material for cloning, since - as in the real world - dna degrades much too rapidly. Instead, the park consists only of extinct dinosaurs that can be brought back - birds from the last 2.5 million years. What happens after that is, as Ian Malcolm would say, an emerging pattern.

Infinite thanks to beta readers @killdeercheer, @otussketching, and @plokool! And extra thanks to @i-draws-dinosaurs for the killer logo!

Link to the masterpost of chapters

Chapter Two: Egg Mountain, United States

“Doctor Sattler! Doctor Grant! We’re ready to try again!”

Ellie stood up from the dirt in front of her, brushing off the sand from her shorts and looking around for the source of the call. Alan took a longer time to get up, looking grumpy and befuddled at the interruption.

“I hate computers,” Grant muttered.

Ellie wanted to laugh, but she managed to keep it in. Computers felt like something from a separate world – a cleaner one, a manufactured one. Out here, in the badlands, surrounded by mountains and dust and old bones, computers were alien. But they had one.

And it had quickly become Alan’s archnemesis.

“The feeling’s mutual,” Ellie joked, smirking at him as he shook his head in bemusement. The two walked down the side of the mountain towards the equipment, including a large lead slug dispenser (aka Thumper) and a portable computer covered in dust and dirt. The computer ran the computer-assisted sonic tomography (CAST) program – Thumper would send a lead slug into the ground, which would generate waves, allowing for the computer to get an idea of the layout of the ground around the slug. The computer would then, theoretically, show a reading of any fossils detected by the sonic waves. Usually, the best it could do was show the approximate location of a fossil – which saved significant amounts of time on digging. But, with repeated readings, sometimes a more detailed outline could be found. That detailed outline was then helpful for digging in the right location – and preserving that location from further environmental damage.

As they reached the bottom of the valley, the students activated Thumper, causing a loud boom to resonate through the mountains. Alan made a beeline for the computer monitor to read the info, while Ellie meandered behind him across the dirt.

“Hey Dr. Sattler!” one grad student shouted. She waved back at her with a smile. There weren’t a lot of women on the dig site, so each one supported the others as much as they could.

By the time she reached the monitor, the image from Thumper was finally loading on this screen.

“This new program’s incredible,” another grad student, a man this time, said, “Few more years development and we won’t even have to dig anymore!”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Alan scoffed, causing the gathering crowd around the screen to laugh with him.

“It’s... a little distorted, but I don’t think it’s the computer,” the student continued, typing away to try and manipulate the image’s presentation. Ellie could see right away, however, that the skeleton was in the right pose. She walked up to the screen and pointed, from a distance, at the tell-tale characteristics.

“Post-mortem contraction of the posterior neck ligaments... Deinonychus?”

“Yes, and it’s in good shape, too,” Alan confirmed, walking closer to the screen himself, “Five, six feet long, I’m guessing nine feet tall. Look at the –“

Suddenly, Alan’s touching of the monitor made everything go fuzzy.

“What’d you do?” Alan asked the student angrily.

“He touched it,” Ellie laughed, patting the student comfortingly on the shoulder, “Dr. Grant’s not machine compatible.”

“Hell, they’ve got it in for me,” Alan grumbled, before composing himself, “And look at the half-moon shaped bones in the wrists. It’s no wonder these guys learned how to fly!”

Everyone laughed around him. While birds being living dinosaurs was a fairly widely accepted hypothesis in the field, it still drew some chuckles – especially from the unaware.

“No, seriously!” Alan said, turning around to look at everyone, his educator face completely taking over the irritation face he had previously, “Dinosaurs have more in common with present-day birds than they do with reptiles. Look at the pubic bone, turned backward, just like a bird... look at the vertebrae, filled with air sacs and hollows just like a bird... and even the word Raptor means, ‘Bird of Prey’.”

“That doesn’t look very scary,” scoffed one of the children on the dig, an annoying little boy who was constantly complaining about the connections between living birds and their extinct dinosaur relatives, “More like a six foot turkey!”

Alan lost his educator face, and Ellie found herself smirking at the sheer irritation he had for an expression instead.

“Have you met a turkey, kid?” Alan asked.

“Oh no,” Ellie muttered, but she wasn’t about to stop him. Alan had been patient with the kid for weeks, and his time was up.

“Um, at Thanksgiving,” the kid responded.

“Okay. So, to begin with, a turkey is already nearly six foot – they can grow up to four,” Alan stated, smirking, “Then, when you are just alone in the woods – or, you think you’re alone – with no one around, guess what is the last thing you want to hear?”

“Um, turkeys?”

“The distant sound of many turkeys coming right in your direction. You see, turkeys – they aren’t predators. So they know at any time they could be on the receiving end of a horrible, horrible attack. And so they, like all prey animals over a certain size, will defend themselves to the death. More human deaths are caused by the vegetarian hippopotamus each year than by sharks or any other predator. And turkeys? They have that ferocity, too.”

The kid did not have a response to that.

“Some might peck you. That has a nasty sting. Others may just run at you, flashing their feathers, making loud sounds. Enough to set your teeth on edge. And then there are the kickers. Nowhere more than the feet can you see how birds are just dinosaurs among us,” Alan let out a snort, “Those claws, that force, it is enough to break bones and other organs.”

Alan stepped up closer to the boy, getting right in his face. Ellie watched, moderately mesmerized, too much so to intervene.

“Just one, a human alone could not deal with. But on your own, surrounded by who knows how many? You would wish it was a Deinonychus, kid. A Deinonychus eventually gets full.”

The boy visibly gulped in front of everyone, who was dead silent. No laughs emerged from a single person.

“So, you know. Try to show a little respect.”

“Okay,” the kid said, nodding. Alan nodded in response, and turned to walk away.

The child’s mother ran forward to him, while Ellie followed after Alan, shaking her head in bemusement.

“If you wanted to scare the kid you could have pulled a gun on him, you know,” Ellie snorted.

“Yeah, I know,” Alan sighed, “Kids. You want to have one of those?”

Ellie laughed, gesturing behind her, “I don’t want that kid, but, a breed of child, Alan, could be intriguing.”

“Ha!”

“I mean, what’s so wrong with kids?”

“Look, they get in the way. I mean, I never thought I’d date anyone, before I met you,” Alan said, “It never interested me.”

“You just wanted to find the bones,” Ellie laughed, shaking her head.

“I just wanted to find the bones! But one person is enough for me. More, and this time I’m responsible for their well-being? For what kind of person they turn into? Nah.”

“You didn’t think you’d like dating me, and you did!” Ellie countered, jabbing him lightly in the arm.

“Cause you’re the only person who understands me,” Alan scoffed, “Besides. You don’t smell.”

“What? Kids don’t smell, either!”

“Some of them smell!” Alan insisted, “Babies smell!”

The whirring of a helicopter cut off their conversation, and both immediately ran down to the site to cover up the new find, shouting for tarps to drape over the rocks and exposed bones. Alan sprinted to the helicopter, while Ellie ran down to the site, covering it quickly with the help of the volunteers and students.

“Get it down – yes – secure the corner – don’t let it be exposed! Even this amount of wind from the helicopter could erode away important information! Yes, get that side down, too!” Ellie barked at everyone, directing people to properly place down the tarp. Satisfied the specimen was secure, she quickly ran towards the trailer, where she had just seen Alan disappear into.

“Alright!” Ellie shouted, opening up the door, “Who’s the jerk?”

“Uh, this is our, paleobotanist, Doctor –“

“Sattler,” Ellie filled in, frowning. In the room was an older man, with a white beard and glasses, wearing a beige hat. Ellie didn’t have a moment to ask before Alan continued,

“Ellie, this is Mr. Hammond.”

Ellie felt her mouth drop open in shock.

“I’m sorry about the dramatic entrance, Dr. Sattler, but...”

“Did I say ‘jerk’?” Ellie laughed, grimacing.

“We’re in a wee bit of a hurry, here. Will you have a drink? We don’t want to let it warm, come along, sit down, sit down.”

It was weird, how he managed to make the space his own, just by virtue of having paid for it, even though it was Ellie’s and Alan’s. Ellie tried to take control, reaching for glasses in the sink, as he protested. Before she knew it, she was sitting at a table.

“Now, I’ll wait a minute, because I have a surprise for you!” Hammond laughed. Conveniently, the door opened at that moment, and a tall dark skinned woman entered the room, her hair done in dreads, a grin spreading across her face.

“Guess who’s baaack!” the woman sang, beaming at Alan and Ellie.

“Miri!” Ellie shouted.

“Miri!” Alan said in unison. Miri laughed and ran to hug Ellie, shaking Alan’s hand eagerly afterwards.

“Mr. Hammond picked me up on the way over here, I’ve been a consultant on his project for the past year down at my dig – I have so much to tell you, when was the last time we saw each other?” Miri said rapidly, laughing at the shocked looks on Ellie and Alan’s faces.

“Last SVP, I think!” Ellie responded, “Oh it’s so good to see you! Are they treating you well down in Florida?”

“As well as can be expected for Florida!” Miri laughed, “But we just found a new Titanis skeleton, and since Pierce passed I’m in charge of the dig site!”

“I was so sorry to have heard of his passing, Miri,” Alan said, “You’re more than capable to take over for him, but so soon after you graduated from here –“

“The man lived in a hoarder house, Alan,” Miri snorted, “A literal hoarder house. Besides that, I was brought on the team because he knew he needed a good replacement. Regardless, I’m here now.”

“And good thing, too!” Dr. Hammond laughed, “Your former mentor would never have been able to come alone on our little trip, Dr. Spinoza!”

“About that, as I was saying in the helicopter, you’re never going to get Alan to –“

“Never going to get Alan to what?” Alan asked, affronted. Ellie snorted, making him glare at her for a moment.

“I’ll get right to the point!” Hammond chortled, clearly delighted by the proceedings, “I like you. Both of you. I can tell instantly about people, it’s a gift. Could tell I liked you, could tell I liked Miri. Now,” Hammond took a deep breath, beaming, “I own an island. Off the coast of Costa Rica. I’ve leased it from the government and spent the last five years setting up a kind of biological preserve. You remember the consultancy you did for me at the time?”

“Yes, but after a point you said we were no longer needed for that?” Alan asked in confusion.

“Which is when he reached out to me,” Miri said, nodding.

“Well, the island is really spectacular. Spared no expense. Make the one I‘ve got down in Kenya look like a petting zoo. And there’s no doubt, our attractions will drive kids out of their minds.”

“And what are those?” Alan asked sarcastically. Miri snorted.

“Small versions of adults, honey,” Ellie laughed.

“And not just kids, everyone! We’re going to open next year, that is if the lawyers don’t kill me first. I don’t care for lawyers, do you...?”

“Oh we... uh...” Ellie began.

“Don’t really know any,” Alan and Miri finished with him in unison.

“Well I do, I’m afraid. There’s a particular pebble in my shoe who represents my investors. Says they insist on ‘outside opinions.’”

“What kind of opinions?” Ellie asked.

“Well, your kind, Dr. Sattler and Dr. Grant, not to put too fine a point on it. And Dr. Spinoza’s too. I mean, let’s face it – in your particular fields, you’re the top minds! And if I could just persuade you to sign off on the park, you know give it your endorsement, maybe even pen a wee testimonial, I could get back on schedule!”

“Is the work I’ve been doing for you not enough of a testimonial?” Miri laughed.

“Well, they want you to see the place, get a feel for it, as it were. They want an expert’s eyes on the whole proceedings.”

“But why would they care what we think?” Dr. Sattler asked.

“With your expertise from paleobotany and paleoecology, Dr. Spinoza’s in behavior, and Alan’s in anatomy, you have the best handle on what sort of problems we may deal with in the park –“

“What kind of park is this?” Alan asked, frowning in confusion.

“It’s right up your alley,” Hammond laughed, handing the three of them drinks.

“Please come down, you two, with Dr. Spinoza and I, for the weekend. I’d love to have both of your opinions on the project. We have a jet standing by at Choteau,” Hammond pleaded.

“I basically had no choice, since he’s sponsoring the dig,” Miri sighed.

“Well, look, we just dug up a new skeleton –“ Alan began.

“And I will compensate you, as well, by fully funding your dig...”

“This is a very unusual time,” Alan continued.

“For a further three years,” Hammond finished.

“Well.. uh...” Ellie stammered, “Where’s the plane?”

“Yeah, okay, okay!” Alan shouted, clinking his glass with Hammond and turning around to Ellie in excitement. Both shouted happily and hugged each other, spinning around the room.

“Three more years!”

“We can get the entire raptor nesting site!”

“Three more years!”

Hammond chortled happily, as the pair reached to grab bags from under the table and pack them.

Soon, they would be off to Costa Rica.