#sorry they do be the bread gays
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I, for one, welcome our new ancient Thai gay bread overlords
#sorry they do be the bread gays#if there is no bread I'm gonna be sadgery#mileapo#shine#man suang#boc x moc
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are you gonna be there with me?
taco bell commercial song got me dyking
#and of course i project it to this motherfucker#Medicine Pocket#reverse 1999#reverse 1999 fanart#mochadoodles#LETS EAT YUH YUH#found this song in a lesbian breakcore mix but GIRL it aint breakcore 😂#still rocks tho#10/10 got me imagining an unholy relationship between a vampire and a huntress in a secret relationship#with guns#femme4femme type beat holy shit#sorry the tags are not related with medpoc im having a moment here#but if the song dont have lesbian undertones i would’ve not liked it THIS much 😭#that is a single piece of plain bread w nothing but possibly mold on it btw#i posted this during the day on purpose so not many people see it oop#next up: King Princess's PAIN remix cover#this gay ass post got shadowbanned what a day to be alive#/pos#that means im doing it right
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I may be a nerd but I wasn’t the one who baked cookies based on my current interests
That was all @existing-is-bothersome
(Even if was a attempt to prove they are superior to me in the kitchen)
#my thoughts on a page#the magnus archives#tma#the mechs#the mechanisms#not my art#I only melted bread ONE TIME#and sure I cried on the floor while shoveling icing into my mouth because I accidentally made too much and can’t waste food#but you still ate the brownies#and you liked them#also sorry the mechs cookie has a bit missing#that’s just how the cookie crumbles-#i’ll see myself out#Also thank you @jonnywaistcoat#for this insane pipeline of#gay horror podcast where if you squint there’s an office romcom in the background#to immortal space pirates that do sci-fi/steampunk reimaginings of folktales through alt folk rock.#truly a rabbit hole I was glad to go down
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ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.
[This is in reference to this post]
YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
It is so so frustrating!!!!
It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,
"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"
And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.
And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!
#original#queerbaiting#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#falin x marcille#marcille x falin#marcille donato#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi marcille#listen i like marcille but u r right she is basically there to be a wet blanket a LOT of the time and that is a sexist trope#i think the bar is super super low for female characters in adventure anime and the lack of constant ogling maybe makes the female#characters feel better written than they are. i mean falin basically has no personality. she's got an innocent heart but that's nothing.#and i think these conversations are worth having bc no piece of media is perfect and this is how we learn to do better#also like. I've seen media criticisms that make me go 'oh you straight up should reserve commentary bc you#haven't watched the show and you're wrong' or 'i see what you're saying but you are simply incorrect' but like#i don't think I'd tell someone to just NOT watch Hazbin Hotel bc they have a bad take - and certainly not bc they have accurately#pinpointed a real flaw about the show (of which there are more than a few but frankly not what became the biggest subject of Disc Horse)#Angel is actually an amazing character & i think people mistook a criticism on the way abuse is glamourized as actually glamourizing abuse#like his song about abuse is called Poison and he's trapped in an abusive performance contract - bringing to mind Britney Spears#i think it is a wildly triggering and painful scene but i think a lot of people took the pain it gave them to mean it was bad art#but tbh they are still allowed to eat at the table if they so choose!!!#sorry i got sidetracked - as an abuse survivor Angel just matters a lot to me. i have a couple serious criticisms of vivziepop's work but#Angel is very much not one of them#also in regards to the actual subject of this post i think the most audacity of the responses i got was the one that said#that by complaining about queerbaiting I was 'de-incentivizing writers to write any interaction b/t women that could look even a little gay#and I'm just like. good. I hope they stop writing entirely. if the takeaway from 'please don't sell me bread and then serve me crumbs' is#'WELL NOW I JUST WON'T BAKE ANY BREAD PRODUCT' then that person is a bad chef. they should find a different job.#or at least do a whole lot of work on themselves. but either way i wouldn't be too broken up to know i won't be getting any food from them.#'just leave then' is so obviously a gut reaction defense mechanism & it implies media criticism should only be for things you don't like
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kinnporsche the series
brea
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ok hi. not to be stupid about this publicly once again but it’s 5:34 am [update it is now 5:53 am] and i have gotten absolutely HORRIBLE sleep tonight. first bc i was so stressed that i couldn’t fall asleep until 1:30am. then because my sister is sleeping in our room again (long story) which is good for her bc she’s making progress w her ocd but it means that she comes in with h the flashlight on after 2am and has to check the room and she leaves the bedroom door wide open which distorts the white noise from the sojnd machine which is right in front of my bed. and she’s like laughing at stuff on her phone too so all the subtleties of sound and light disrupt me and wake me up and throw me off. and also it’s freakishly hot so i woke up a couple times bc of that. and now im awake at 5:30ish after barely sleeping for 4 hours bc im stressed bc it’s Passover and my moms bday and im leaving work early today and tomorrow for the “””””Seder””””” (which again literally is not a seder it’s just dinner w my grandpa) and barely have time to get anything done at work and haven’t done anything for my mom and have to clean the house for my grandpa to come over and we literally don’t even have a dinner table yet likr idkw aht the fuck we’re going to do.. and also im fucking STARVING. because guess what!!!! we have to stop eating bread!!!! and i usually have 4 slices with avocado / guac on them before i go to sleep but there were only 4 slices left in the whole house so i had 2 so my brother will get to have the other 2 during the day. and my stomach is howling rn. and we have other things to eat like fruit and stuff but nothing that’s not going to throw me off.. like im not about to eat an orange at 5:30am it’s going to set my throat on fire with the acid this early in the morning. and we don’t have any snack foods in this house or like anything that can be made without having to prepare it for a while bc of our diet (lol). and we don’t have any flatbread or tortillas or whatever yet. so im going fucking crazy and feeling resentful abt passover again and wondering what the hell im going to do going into work and not being able to eat bagels for breakfast after not being able to eat my bedtime snack and being this hungry and stressed and miserable for a week on top of everything else. lol
#purrs#food#religion tw#(sorry lol)#delete later#ive had a lot of conversations in the last few days (some of them w other jewe) and everyone’s assuring me it’s fine if i keep eating bread#if it’s for health reasons and im not going to experience kareth for that. esp bc i already do things on the kareth list and also gay sex is#on there too and there’s a lot of stuff on there abt ppl being impure for having their periods too so.. just my two sent’s but i think thats#all fucking insane and a clear sign that those rules were not made by god and that they were made by prejudiced human beings. bc i believe#in spinozas god i think. and spinozas god would not punish humans for being humans. and would not want humans to suffer and suppress#themselves out of worship. though im not saying that you shouldn’t suffer or suppress yourself or whatever or find meaning in that if you#want to like im thinking abt Yom Kippur and stuff. but idk. im so conflicted. i stirred up this whole big crisis for myself about being#jewish and it’s very embarrassing and i don’t want to die or doom my future children or go to hell or whatever but apparently that’s already#gonna happen to me for like.. not observing shabbat and almost certainly cutting fruit during Shabbat so. whatever. but continuing to eat#bread during Passover feels like a totally different thing to me. but also i know actual jewish ppl who do not observe passover and i don’t#judge them for that or think they’re doomed to kareth. so idk. it’s all so fucked up. i want to be full and i want to go back to sleep and i#want to stop worrying about religion and constantly being afraid im invoking cosmic consequences for living my life and wanting to make#choices that feel good for me. bc it s already so fucking hard to make choices when im worried abt my moms judgment and trying to not hurt#my family ang more than i already do by existing and feeling my way. bringing god into it too is a whole other level of distress and misery
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Howdy if you saw that post no you didnt agshrhr (if you didn't dw about it)
#that was meant for the sideblog oops#not the biggest deal im just not gonna be gay on main sorry shsdhhd#and occasionally i dont look when i do something so sorry about that shdhdhd#bread speaks
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LGBTQ stands for let's get bread together, quick! 🍞🏳️🌈🥖🌈🥐
happy pride! ❤️🧡💛💚���💜🤎🖤🤍🩵🩷
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Yeah no wonder apo is obsessed with Mile's chest
#YES MILE KNOWS#YES APO IS OBSESSED#AS HE SHOULD BE#a relatable king#mileapo#kinnporsche#kpts#kinnporsche bts#sorry they do be the bread gays#mile phakphum's thirst traps#as in he is a living one and apo does not know how to look respectfully
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𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮
i don't know that i'm satisfied with how this ends, but the stills got me thinking more about the idea of Maddie being the one who tells Buck that he needs to call Tommy, and then I was already working on a coffee date recreation, so have this:
-
Maddie looks at the loaves of bread spread out on the counter and then back up at her brother, tilting her head to the side.
“Evan. I thought you said you were doing okay,” she states, leaning up at against the counter next to her husband.
“I am,” he insists.
“So why are there four loaves of bread on the counter,” Chimney asks, confused. “That seems like you’re overloading your schedule to occupy your time.”
“I’m not,” Evan counters, looking back and forth between them. They both stare back at him skeptically.
“Dude, come on,” Chimney insists. “I know that sweater you had on the other night was one of Tommy’s. Between that, the lack of shaving, and now the abundance of food-..”
“I’m dealing,” Evan insists. Maddie sighs, looking over at her husband. He raises his hands and picks up his wine glass before glancing between them.
“I’m gonna go see what’s on the sports channel,” he states before walking out of the room and into the living room. Maddie moves closer to Evan, rounding the counter.
“I’m fine,” he repeats, but when Maddie looks up at him with that face—the one that tells him she isn’t buying the shit he’s selling—he sighs and shakes is head. “I mean I should be, shouldn’t I? It’s not like we were together that long.”
“Six months,” Maddie states.
Evan nods. “Yeah, and? I mean I was with Taylor for longer. She actually moved in here.”
Maddie stares at him for a moment and then furrows her brow at him. “Wait, what is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” Evan insists. “It doesn’t mean anything when Tommy doesn’t think I’d stay with him anyway.”
“No, no, it clearly means something,” Maddie counters. “I’m not letting you drop it that easily. Talk to me. Tell me what actually happened.”
Evan huffs, leaning against the counter.
“We were talking about Abby, and I was telling him how that relationship had been transformative for me, at least until I met him, a-and then I told him that I wanted him to move in with me.”
“Okay,” Maddie replies, processing his words. “And you told him you love him, right?”
Evan stares at her as though she’s gone Blue Screen on him and she bobs her head forward, gaping at him slightly.
“Evan.” She comments. “You told him how you feel, right?”
“I- I thought- I mean we-..”
“Okay, I’m sorry, I can’t fake that I’m not paying attention this long,” Chimney states as he crosses back into the kitchen. “You asked Tommy to move in with you without telling him how you feel about him?”
“I told him I admire him,” Evan argues.
Maddie inhales a deep breath and shakes her head, trying to remain composed as she returns to Chimney’s side. “What exactly did you say to him?”
Evan gulps, but then proceeds to explain to both Maddie and Chimney was he said, trying his best not to paraphrase. By the time he’s finished, Maddie and Chimney are looking at each other, both of their jaws slack.
After a moment, Chimney turns back toward his glass of wine and picks it up and takes a long sip from it.
“Yeah, I think I might’ve broken up with you too,” Chimney states when he sets the glass back down.
“What the hell,” Evan counters, waving a hand out at him.
“Look, Buck, you ran over him like the proverbial steam roller. And I’m sorry, but from the way it sounds, it comes across as being told that you want to live with him because he’s great at being gay and that makes you feel good,” Maddie explains.
“Not to mention the Brandon of it all,” Chimney mutters, lifting his drink to take another sip. He raises an eyebrow when both Buckley siblings turn toward him.
“The who?” “Huh?”
Chimney takes a deep breath, mouthing an ‘oh’ before setting his glass back down. “This is why I’m not allowed to know things,” he mutters. He shakes his head. “Brandon was this kid Tommy dated around the time he was leaving the 118.”
“I thought he wasn’t out yet,” Evan interjects.
“He wasn’t,” Chimney answers with a nod. “But Brandon was this kid out of another house, one of the ones Tommy had looked at transferring to, I think. Anyway, you could tell after Gerrard and Sal were gone that he was loosening up and becoming more comfortable with himself, and even though he wasn’t quite there yet, he was getting there.”
“So?” Evan asks.
“So, three months into it, he tells me over beers that the guy wants to move in together, make all these plans for the future, is talking about buying a house. The whole nine yards. But Brandon was just coming out of a divorce, with a woman. Sold Tommy the moon, and T went for it. Gave up the place he was in, moved in with this guy into his apartment that he also was sharing with his two kids part-time.”
Evan gulps, because he can see the writing on the wall.
“See, Brandon hadn’t been with other men before. And they lasted about three months longer before Tommy found out that he was seeing other people. He alternated between mine and Sal’s couch for a month after that until he got the place he’s in now.”
“He was in love with him,” Evan surmises in a rasp.
“He thought he’d found the person he was supposed to be with,” Chimney says with a nod. “And when I tell you it took him years to get over that-..”
“Fuck,” Evan mutters under his breath, leaning more against the island.
Maddie waits a moment, glancing back and forth between her brother and her husband before she finally speaks up again.
“So to be clear, I understand why Tommy panicked and took off, but why would you skip over actually telling him how you feel,” she asks. “I mean you have to get that that’s important. It probably would’ve made a massive difference in the conversation.”
Evan inhales a deep breath and shakes his head, looking down at the counter.
“Oh,” Maddie states. “You’re scared too.”
He looks back up at her, his expression somber. “I mean people leave me. A-and that’s exactly what he did.”
“Buck,” she coaxes, rounding the counter again. She runs her hand up his back as her other hand curls around the inside of his bicep. “You can’t be mad at him for being scared if you can’t also be honest about how you’re feeling.”
He glances up at her, and his eyes are so sad that it makes her want to go into her mothering role and order him to call Tommy.
“What if he won’t listen to me,” he rasps. She leans against his shoulder and gives him a sympathetic look.
“I mean, I’ve never heard you even mention wanting to marry someone else,” she replies softly. “That’s gotta be worth something, right?”
Evan stares down at the counter again.
“You should call him,” Chimney interjects, when they look back up at him, he’s taking another sip of his wine. Maddie just chuckles at him before squeezing Evan’s arm and nodding. She leans up and kisses his cheek.
“Call him.”
. . .
Evan pulls his jacket tighter around his body as he settles into the cafe chair. He’s not entirely sure Tommy will show, even though the other man had texted he would. He can’t help but feel the weight that’s been making it’s home in his chest just a little heavier right now. A week ago, they were celebrating six months from that first kiss, and somehow he’s finding himself sitting at a different café, but still, six months from the day that he’d asked Tommy to be his date to his sister’s wedding.
So much is different now, though. He didn’t have to guess Tommy’s coffee order because he knows it by heart. There’s a box in his car filled with belongings that he really doesn’t want to give back, but if this discussion doesn’t go in the right direction, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
Still, he can’t stop thinking about the guy on the crane from the day before, and how after they’d gotten him off to the hospital, all Evan could think about was how his people had banded around him in the aftermath. His team had kept him alive, and then they’d remained vigilant at his side while he healed. He’d had people show up in his corner every step of the way. It’s not lost on him now that Tommy has faced a life primarily without that same feeling, and that unlike him, Tommy didn’t find a forged family at work. Plus, then there’s the information he learned about the ex-boyfriend, and all of it has him seeing Tommy in an entirely different lens.
“Hey.” Tommy’s voice is raspier, sadder than the last time he heard it as he comes around the corner of the building. Evan still perks up at the sight of him, although he’s more subdued than the last time they met up like this.
“Hey,” he replies softly, gesturing toward the chair across from him. “Thanks for agreeing to meet me.”
Tommy nods, and there’s a rush of pain in Evan’s chest at the lack of of course.
“I got you a coffee,” he adds, gesturing towards it on the table. Tommy pulls his chair out and sits down.
“Thanks,” he says, though there’s no mirth in his tone like there was that first time.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think,” Evan states nervously as Tommy takes a sip of the drink. There’s the slightest twitch around his mouth—one the younger man has come to recognize as Tommy thinking that it tastes right. He’s very particular on his flavor and cream-to-sugar ratio, so knowing he’s still getting right gives Evan a flush of pride. “The last time we met like this, I said there was a lot of that we didn’t know about each other.”
“Practically everything,” Tommy parrots so softly, it barely has any vocal tone in it. Evan nods.
“Except, I do know things about you now,” Evan counters. “I know- I know that you don’t like to be awake before seven AM if you’re not on shift. I know that you think the perfect setting for the thermostat is always sixty-six, no matter what time of year it is. I know that you take three creamers and the tiniest dash of cinnamon in your coffee.”
“Buck-..”
“Let me finish,” Evan counters, cringing at the way that name sounds coming out of Tommy’s mouth. He takes a deep breath and looks around them before continuing. “I know your mom died when you were six, and your dad blamed you for it. I know you spent the next eleven years trying to do anything you could to keep him appeased and a target off your back, including stuffing down who you are so far down that it took you over a decade to crawl back out of that toxic mindset. And I know that all of that left you with scars, even though you don’t talk about them. I know-…I know that you would rather run because it’s easier to protect yourself than sign up for the possibility of getting hurt again.” Evan pauses and gulps as Tommy stares at him, looking very uncomfortable.
“So I need to apologize,” he says with a breath.
Tommy furrows his brow at him, baffled by the statement. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Yes, Tommy, I do,” Evan counters, this time more insistent than he had been on that first coffee date.“I threw a lot at you that night. I- I know that I told you I wanted to move in together, and that I was talking about a future without any practicality behind it because I just lept with both feet like I always do.”
“I didn’t call things off because of your impulsivity,” Tommy counters. “I did it because-..”
“Because you’ve been down that road before,” Evan finishes for him. “And it ended badly. I know that about you, too. And, the way I sounded that night…it wasn’t what I should’ve said.”
“Okay?” Tommy acquiesces.
Evan takes another breath and leans forward in his seat, gesturing at the space between them. “You said that when I asked you to move in with me, that I was still figuring myself out, and that everything was still new and exciting for me. And the thing is, you’re right, and you’re wrong. You’re right that things are new and exciting, but not because they’re with a man; it’s because they’re with you. And six months ago when I told you that I didn’t know what I was ready for, that was true, but now I do. It’s not about being ready for something different, Tommy, it’s about being ready for something different with you. S-so when I say I lept with both feet the other night without thinking, I missed a step in there.”
Tommy stares at him apprehensively, giving him the space to continue. Evan sits up a little straighter.
“I got so caught up in the process of commenting on the ways things have changed and all that you’ve done to get yourself to where you are now that I never stopped to consider how it would sound coming out of my mouth. A-and part of that was because I thought if I just convinced you to stay with me, maybe it wouldn’t hurt as bad if you decided that I was too much.”
Tommy leans back in his seat, eyes widening slightly at Evan’s words.
“I um, I know about Brandon,” he states. “And on the subject of exes, I never told you about Taylor, or how Lucy played into of how things ended with her.” He inhales a breath and then proceeds to explain Lucy’s time at the 118, their shared kiss, and how he’d been living with Taylor at the time. “And the thing is, when I moved in with her and told her I loved her, it was from a selfish place, o-of wanting to keep her around because people just kept leaving, and I couldn’t stand to lose anyone else.”
Tommy lets out a soft sigh and leans forward. “Evan.”
Evan shakes his head. “No. Don’t- it’s not- I’m not saying all of that because I’m chasing after you to keep you from leaving. I- I mean I am, but not like that. I mean to say that, I trapped Taylor, however unintentionally, with the idea that if she was with me, that I could make it work. Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn’t keep trying to make the pieces fit, and we split up.”
Tommy nods.
“But this isn’t that,” Evan continues. “This has never been that. I asked you to move in with me because I want to be with you day and night. B-because I see a future with you, and because nothing has ever felt as right as this has felt. And I understand that maybe- no, it was moving too fast. And that I skipped right over the part where I should’ve told you that I want to be with you not because it feels good or because I think you being gay makes me better at being bisexual, or anything like that. I want to be with you because I’m in love with you.”
Tommy takes a deep breath at his statement.
“I don’t expect you to say it back if you’re not there, a-and I don’t expect you to move in with me. That was an impulsive decision. But I’m not in a place where I’m ready to give up on this,” he states. “I love you enough that I’m willing to go at your pace this time.”
Tommy stares at him for a beat, quiet and contemplative. “Are you sure about this?”
“Am I sure that I love you?” Evan counters. “That I’m pretty positive on.”
The response forces a small smile onto Tommy’s face. After a breath, he gives a small nod.
“Okay.”
“Yeah?” Evan asks him.
Tommy gulps and nods. “Yeah,” he rasps. “Because I love you, too.”
Evan grins at him, at this time, it’s Tommy who reaches across the table and grabs his hand, squeezing it.
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I am looking for a human host!
Are you bored?
Are you lonely and bored?
Do you have a lot of time on your hands?
Do you have hands?
I’m offering you a proposal, with potential financial compensation for your troubles. It may sound off putting at first blush, but hear me out. I am looking for a human host. And I mean a “willing” human host who might be willing to give up some of their time to help out an odd fellow that doesn’t have hands or blood.
Am I asking to control your body? Yes. Sometimes. You’ll still be there, but taking the backseat. Now you’re probably thinking “That sounds no fun! I don’t want to spend all my time riding shotgun.”
And that’s valid.
But you all spend about half of the day unconscious anyway. Your body is just there, doing nothing—a complete waste. As for me, I don’t sleep (haha), so we could have it so that during the day, I will graciously let you do fun human things, and at night, I’ll do whatever. And by whatever, I mean perfectly safe, perfectly reasonable activities.
I don’t drink, and I rarely go outside.
I enjoy baking, I look at pictures of birds online, I’ve been getting into neuroscience lately. Very interesting stuff. You’re all very interesting.
And maybe you’re still thinking “Hey now, I don’t want some random mind-controlling thingy hauling my body around in my sleep, “Weekend at Bernie’s Style” to which I say, you’re no fun and you’re not the kind of person I want to live with anyway.
“But I’m a light sleeper!” you say.
Don’t worry! I can isolate your somatosensory cortex so you can’t feel anything.
“But my family will think it’s weird!” you say.
Don’t worry! You don’t have to tell them.
Actually, I would prefer that you don’t tell anyone. Please.
And should anyone question me, I’m not bad at impressions. I’ll get really good at a “you” impression, it’ll be the first thing I do!
I know this all sounds very strange and potentially unpleasant, but remember the financial compensation that may or may not be happening. Hell, I’ll even do some of your chores if you like, while you sleep. You can wake up and the dishes will be done, laundry folded and coffee made. Doesn’t that sound nice? And then you open the fridge and oh, what’s this? Someone baked banana bread last night (that was me, I baked banana bread last night.)
Now I should say, I don’t have a lot of standards, I really don’t. But I do (unfortunately) have some, so let’s just get them out of the way before I waste your time.
Please do not contact me if you have any of the following:
- Anemia: Sorry, it’s just not going to work out. I can pay for iron supplements, but I can’t work miracles.
-A weak immune system: I don’t like getting sick, I’m sorry. It’s gross, sick people are gross. I mean I know it’s not your fault, but healthy folks only please.
-A strong immune system: Yes, I know what I just said, but I also don’t want to be attacked by your immune system. So maybe you’re not the picture of health, but you’re just kind of okay. I’m looking for someone who is just kind of okay.
-A penchant for alcohol: It makes me feel strange…
-A name that starts with a P: I’m not the greatest at “speaking.” It’s hard, moving air through your throat and moving your tongue and your mouth at the same time. You all do it so easy—can’t say I’m not envious! I’m the worst at making the “P” sound.
I intentionally avoid any "p word" in conversation, and get by well enough, but I’ll look pretty foolish if I’m cavorting about, pretending to be you, and I can’t even say your name!
Those are my standards, but really, other than that, I’ll take anyone.
I don’t care if you’re male or female or anything in between.
I don’t care if you’re gay.
I don’t care if you’re smart.
I don’t care if you don’t have a lawyer.
There are so many things that I don’t care about.
Now, I’ve specified all the ways in which I could compensate you and how our relationship will be not in any way problematic, but I want to stress that, above all things, I am looking for a friend.
Someone I can spend quiet evenings with.
If you want to hang out with me during the day, that’s great! I can give you fun hallucinations. Or you could have hallucinations the normal way, like by reading, like what you’re doing now. I love to read! I love doing funny voices. I wonder what you think I sound like?
I hope I sound nice.
And one of the best things about me is I’m very quiet. No one else will be able to hear me except you. I’ll be like your own personal friend that only you know. Like a secret friend. And you don’t even have to talk to me because I can read your thoughts.
I suppose I should tell you a bit more about myself, since you’re still reading.
I was born in the Everglades, I think. It’s been awhile.
But I remember being so cold…
And so alone...
But then I met this sweaty man in a colorful tee-shirt, with a camera, and half a granola bar, and with blood so hot.
So yeah, he was my first host, and I’ll admit, we weren’t the best of friends. It was a confusing time for both of us. I was confused. He was confused. What happened was really both of our faults, you could say…
He was a bird watcher, if I recall correctly. Just watched birds all the time. I thought it might have been out of jealousy—watching those little things flying around makes you feel kind of stuck. I felt stuck.
So I decided to be a bird for a while to see if it was really all it’s cracked up to be. Squished myself into the body of this lovely American crow. We settled down, built a nest, and laid several nice, healthy eggs with a man-bird by the name of “Richard Baxter.”
He was a very proud bird, very large. And he gave me so many wonderful gifts. Like children, and also small pieces of plastic.
I still have all of them.
The plastic, not the children.
I’d never been so happy, all these hormones had me consumed in the joy of motherhood, but the crow’s health was failing. I could not sustain myself—it’s pathetic little heart beat weaker and weaker.
I tried starving, I tried everything I could, I wanted to be a bird so bad. But it just wasn’t working out.
The bird stopped working.
The other crows held a funeral service for me, even though I was still alive. I tried to tell them, but I’m not good at speaking, you remember.
It was all just a big mess.
I haven't seen Baxter since, but I still think about him a lot.
Is that weird?
I’m totally over it though, haha.
After that incident, I got kind of depressed... I possessed a lot of trash animals—gulls, racoons, and salespeople. I did what I could to survive. That’s kind of where I am now.
I am currently living in Miami florida—been body surfing almost every day (haha). Right now I’m using a library computer and a librarian. She does not like being possessed, boy howdy are these fingers twitching. But you can thank her for my halfway decent grammar.
I’m tired of feeling like a parasite.
I want to try a different approach.
I want to be friends? Like with Richard Baxter except I also live in your brain and drink your blood sometimes. But I’ll make you bread in your sleep, so it’s okay.
It’s been really hard finding someone willing to put up with me.
I’ve tried everything.
So I thought I would put up an advertisement online, why not?
Can’t say the P word in real life, but you can hear it in your head loud enough I hope.
I know I kept saying that I would compensate you financially, but I’m going to be real with you, I don’t have much. I’ve got like twenty bucks, some small pieces of plastic and a book about...finance....
But I’m a real hoot! ;D
So,
(P)lease,
If you are interested, leave your comments below. I would love to get to know you :)
I need to go now, the library is closing soon, but I’ll get back as soon as I can.
#short fiction#short story#writing#writeblr#writers on tumblr#this is a story I posted on reddit a few years ago#and I'm reposting it here#Pie writes#parasite#mind control parasite#yeerk#animorphs#body snatcher#nosleep#r/nosleep
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SELL ME BREAD 🍞🥖
Mile and Apo behind the scenes of Farmhouse adv 🍞❤️
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This week's episode...
[spoilers below cut]
HELL YEAH another Three and Four episode!!! Time for my live reaction:
woah we're starting out here? i seriously did not expect that. sleepy little guys :)
also don't think i didn't spot Four's cowboy hat in the corner there (yes, i know it was shown in other episodes too)
Four, why are you busting into Three's room like that? Four?
guys, I think the "dating behind the scenes" might be true
Wait, hold up he did the same pose as Three's statue
I know this whole back-and-forth about the statue being Three or Four. Personally, I think it's Three, just the textures (his beard) didn't apply, but the fact that Four did this pose for a split second... c'mon...
"are you ready to make magic?" "what am i doing in your bed?" [*presses the pause button*] ...am I in the right episode? ...Four you can't say these things... c'mon dude...
lawyer meggy hi!!!!! :D can we bring her back please?
just the way that Three looks at Four's hand when Four held his shoulder is driving me insane
"the rosemary to my bread" that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard... (well aside from "hey dud listen to me" speech from IGBP and "the sight of that man shines brilliantly in my eyes" line from AA)
and indeed you can make bread with rosemary
alright everyone, time to make some rosemary garlic bread
well from the last episode, Four did have a theory on Mario being jesus/god so.....
Three: "me? :O" sorry I just love the delivery on that, also the flushed emoji image on his face. i can somehow see Three's face underneath it idk how to describe it...
Actually uh Four, why are you so eager to do a romantic episode, huh? And also imagining Three, huh? Four, you did confirm that Three has rizz from the elevator episode. You can't deny it dude, you love him.
THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS
bro Four really is a hopeless romantic my god he's just like me fr fr
i swear they drive me insane. like you can argue that it's just luke and james having fun but i do like the idea that Four is the only other person besides Eggdog who can make Three laugh and smile. And Three being the one who can make Four laugh ever so much as memes can. it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside :)
they're in love, your honor 💙💜
I too just fade into a room when i am needed
LET FOUR RIDE THE TEACUP RIDE
AYYYYY GAY LAWYER DADS GAME GO BRRRRRRR
we need to get my boyfriend back (yes Four totally said this)
NO THREE DON'T DROP THE SOAP
oh hi Chris and Swag!!
"And they drive off." [*the meme machine just flies straight up*]
Three: "Man.. I think... he was my dad. :("
Four [*remembers that they came out of the USBs*]: "...ok."
Nah Four, let him COOK
Four: "we're never doing this again" CAP
Congrats windr31 for being at the end credits!
👏
It's crazy that literally every SMG34 artist drew this scene, I mean how could they not. btw every one of them is so good!
Man, I really loved this episode, just some silly chaotic fun with a side of SMG34 crumbs!!
I know the SMG4 and SMG3 episodes aren't associated with the plot or anything but it's really nice to see Three keeping his promise from IGBP:
Three: "We can make another."
And they did, multiple in fact.
It's really sweet how much their relationship changed over time and I think it might come into play somehow in WOTFI. Until next time, my dear fellows, take care!
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Do you think you could do another smaller chested reader but also with kinda bigger thighs? It can be nsfw or sfw. I've just been feeling extremely self-conscious lately.
of course babe! i'm sorry you're feeling self-conscious, virtual hug for you <333
men and minors dni
i thing sevika would be just as obsessed with your small tits as she would any other kind of tits.
what she'd especially love about them is that you rarely wear a bra.
she can't keep her hands to herself when she's in public with you and she just knows there's only one thing layer of shirt between her and your tits.
so expect to get pushed into a lot of dark corners and pulled into a lot of broom closets for sevika to randomly slide her hands up your shirt, giving your tits a nice squeeze before pinching your nipples, only to grin when she pulls you back out to continue shopping or walking or whatever and your nipples are poking through your shirt.
in bed though? she'd never take her mouth off of them. her hands would be on your thighs (and whenever they're on your thighs they're kneading the flesh like bread dough, whether she's holding your legs open in bed or holding your thigh in her free hand while she drives) and her mouth would be attached to your chest.
she's always trying to fit your whole tit in her mouth. it's ridiculous, but also so hot that you can't ever get past a few giggles before you break into moans.
and even if there's less surface area on your tits for her to mark, that doesn't mean she won't go to town smattering hickeys on your chest anyways.
and dont get me started on your thighs-- you have to be careful how short your hems are in the summer so you don't scandalize the public with how bruised and bitten your thighs always are.
taglist!
@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby
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hmmm idk if this is anything, but rosquez as romcom co stars that keep getting cast together even though they hateee each other but the chemistry is too good?
this is fun because like. it keeps some of my favorite little rosquez saw traps and wraps them up for me like a little treat. forced proximity public pda and EXTREME media scrutiny kind of their bread and butter tbh. make them crazy make them kiss im watching like tashi in the hotel scene in challengers
like marc as a young tom cruise esque (sorry. SORRY. im sorryyyyy) action star who does all of his own stunts loves the physicality of acting loves getting to pretend to do crazy stuff and be a HEROOOO but still kind of plays the same exact character every time. BIG smile always standing on apple boxes to make himself seem taller as he attempts to generate chemistry with whatever actress is his badly written love interest of the day (marc would be SO good in the mission impossible movies im sorry he WOULD be like. can i parachute off of a motorcycle into a ravine please please please youre NOTHING. santi is his extremely stressed stunt coordinator. lmao.) versus vale who came up doing indie movies as a teen in the 90s (his lil face would DOMINATE gay cinephile gifset tumblr) before launching himself to super stardom with a string of successful comedies and sort of settling into that because its easy... secretly frustrated no one will let him bust out his drama chops... BIG chip on his shoulder here a la leaving honda for yamaha etc
so eventually both of them are getting a little tired of being pigeon holed. and decide 2 book a serious ass gay romantic drama. they are tired of being hailed as the kings of fiction for the masses and they want to win at acting!! they get into the chemistry read (marc is still pretty young i think) and its. insane. INSTANT. james dean and marlon brando levels of ARE YOU TWO FUCKING?? but they literally just met. and marc has been a fan of vale's forever but not just the comedies also his earlier dramatic stuff (apocalyptic little gay crush) and they have similar taste in movies and vale is sooooo funny and it is OFF to the races. like. i cannot emphasize this enough they are fucking the WHOLE time. every scene in this movie its just leaping off the screen... they go in to film and its like that BTS clip of the americans where the director was having matthew rhys and keri russell do a sex scene and theyre suspiciously comfortable pretending to 69 and he turns to his assistant and just goes. oh yeah these guys have fucked. they are wayyyy to comfy hitching the other's pussy into their face lmao. just fucking going for it. the director is like hey guys. can you tone it down a little. marc biggggg smile okayyyyyy :3
and the movie comes out and they attend the premiere all smiley and bouncy and feeling really good about the project and then, theyy watch it. and its like. uh oh! not a lot of acting happening there ! um. best performance of either of their careers and they both look at it an can identify all the points they werent acting like evil little signal flares.... and vale shuts marc out HARD yadayadayada the Usual Rosquez Breakup Ensues.... until they both get cast in a revival of the brokeback mountain stage play and shit pops off in the most nuclear explosion of horny heartbreak to ever hit the STAGE…
#could also do the vintage hollywood broke up because they were in the closet and almost outed thing.#and then they get casted in a newman redford type homoerotic buddy comedy and fall back in love#motogp#callie speaks#asks#rosquez#bet with myself to see how many times i can reference challengers on rosquez asks. hashtag influencer.#okay this has been in my drafts to the pint i can’t stand looking at it. be freeeeeeee
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okay everyone will rightfully vote episode 8 as top unhinged but let me just tell you on my first watch of this show even I paused to comment:
- a product launch. the product launch is for.. bread? they're launching bread?
- they're serving slices of bread as hors d'œuvres
- with nothing else. the hostess is just carrying slices of bread in the tray
and then I was informed it only would get more bread-unhinged from there
The Bread Arc
Episode 12 marks the bittersweet end of the all-important Farmhouse bread arc - we’ve watched Kinn and Porsche get through their distant, professional phase in episode 2:
Enjoyed their honeymoon phase in episode 8:
And now, at last, they’re firmly settled in domestic bliss:
The end 🥰
Okay, but seriously - we all agree that Farmhouse Bread is the most unhinged product placement on the show, right? And I think most fans will point to the second appearance - sexy breadtime - as the unhinged moment of the show.
The third appearance - the prisoner’s lunch - also gets it’s due credit (though let’s face it, this is the most edible meal Kinn serves on the show - sorry OK! noodles)
But I don’t think we talk about appearance one enough. And I get it, on the surface it seems pretty cut and dry to introduce Farmhouse Bread to the show by having our characters go to a literal product launch for it. But the thing is, Kinn didn’t just go to the event - he worked it
It’s implied that Kinn is, at the very least, an investor in Farmhouse Bread. Which means this real company approved (paid!) this show to tell the world that they’re in business with the mafia.
Just. 👏
Okay, if you’ve made it this far, how about a quick poll —
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