#sorry im just to passionate right now
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I always get so passionate about things but then jump to a new topic shortly after. Like, I still care about all the other projects I’ve started but there is no telling when my brain will swing that idea around again or if its just gonna get launched into the void.
Like, not to say that astrology can truly determine who you are but if I had to point to parts of my astrological chart that are accurate to my lived reality I think that the impulsive, knowledge seeking, explorer aspects of my Sagittarius sun would be the first place I would look. Like, I NEED to understand the details of this thing and I NEED to make and propose a concept for it and I NEED to share it with everyone and I NEED to attempt to change the world but also I CANNOT linger too long on one topic because there are SO MANY that I need to explore and I CANNOT and WILL NOT stagnate on something I feel I have a good grasp of. Like, I cannot think of a better way to describe my relationship with the world than “Sagittarius energy.”
I don’t care if there is or isn’t any reality to astrology, it provides some of the best self descriptive adjectives I can think of. Like, what else could possibly describe my exact thought patterns as precisely and concisely as the word Sagittarius understood in the context of astrology? Nothing. To describe it with that level of accuracy without that word would require full sentences and a lot more time. Astrological adjectives are just so damn GOOD. God, I love astrology. No amount of evidence that it is completely unbased in reality could ever make me stop loving it because even if you were to remove all of the supernatural elements the concepts of it are just so wonderful. The things that you can express with that vocabulary is *Immaculate*. So good.
So anyway I just started designing a spaceship with no prior knowledge of physics or engineering and my soul says I’m gonna teach myself astrophysics and become a world famous engineer but my self reflection informed brain says I’ll be trying to find online classes on geology that I won’t actually complete in like 3 days time. I still have a digital sticky note pulled up for the half finished draft of a post about human rights. The top thing in my notes app is a very detailed outline for a manifesto for a political ideology that I have created but never shared. The blender file where I fully modeled the head of my fantasy OC last week is just waiting to be opened. My to do list still has typing practice and find a transcription job up at the top. My collection of tarot cards recently got a new addition and I have only used them once. I am returning to my old conlang designs as soon as I finish brainstorming the spaceship. I really need to finish writing one of the books that I started because those concepts were so GOOD. I have been meaning to commit to something to avoid this kind of project jumping but I just haven’t got to it yet. Is this adhd? I don’t think so but then again I have never been tested so who knows.
#astrology#sagittarius#zodiac#star signs#relatable#astrology is amazing#just love it#sorry im just to passionate right now#I know I can commit to things but it always gets too boring to be worth the effort#like why would I purposely confine myself to one thing and make it feel like a chore#when I could be researching what dinosaurs would have actually looked like#or teaching myself some obscure skill that I will never use?#I'm always caught between ''I am LIVING and EXPERIENCING my life so good right now''#and ''I am never going to achieve anything I dream of and that is sad''#I want to achieve something big but I don't know what something to prioritize#this appreciation post has turned into a cry for help#I apologize#I can and will sort out my own life#eventually#but first spaceship
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fellas. my friends said they ACTUALLY want to watch cats 2019 with me and i was SHOCKED because like. who would. want to do that. i am delighted. HOWEVER it will take everything in me to not pause it and clarify every five minutes about my opinions on the movie
#they do want to watch it to see how bad it is but they know i really like cats the musical so it's like. i have to make it known that while#i don't like the movie and love the musical i still like parts of the movie#i don't think they care that much. but i can't believe they want to watch cats with me and i'm extremely excited#and it will take SO MUCH in me to not ramble the entire time we're watching the movie about everything going on#ouh. autism moment#i know they're probably just going to make fun of it and laugh which i get but also i'm just very excited...i like the movie in some ways#so i just hope!! they enjoy it!!#i've never shared anything about myself and my interests with my friends like this so sorry if i sound silly about how excited i am#im excited and nervous because i know they'll hate it and make fun of it the entire time which i get since the movie is pretty terrible#but also i am very passionate about cats and i do unironically enjoy watching the movie for how silly it is#ooooh. anxiety#this feels silly. am i being silly right now
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time for the obligatory post about what episodes I want to see in the upcoming leverage season(s)
(for reference, I made this similar post in 2020 after the reboot was announced. I'm pasting some from that post bc I still want them to happen lol)
new ideas:
I mentioned a date night episode in the last post (apollo really did bless me with foresight for the date night job on that one) but for considerment: ot3 date night. possibly their first date night after they all get together. breanna and sophie know it's happening (harry is, like, peripherally aware) and some crime hijinks are going down and the three of them are frantically trying to stop bad things from happening that are going to interfere with the date. I want to see them going through it behind the metaphorical curtain. I want to see breanna fighting for her life trying to out-hack the hacker that is going to ruin their ten-part itineraried date. harry has to get in a fistfight and eliot is so proud about it when he finds out after everything is over
tree law episode. harry has been frothing at the mouth about it since it was made. his life has been moving him towards this penultimate moment. breanna thinks it's HILARIOUS and cheers him on 100% of the way. she is VERY enthusiastic about this con
I'm not going to mention certain things because I've seen jrogers posting on bluesky social and I know he might be already writing some of those plots
con that the food trucks have plot-relevance. like, one of his food truck stations is being harassed /victimized by, like, a local gang or something that takes advantage of food truck/cart workers and the team steps in. the actual (veteran) food truck workers get involved in the con. leverage international might just have gained a few retainer members
quinn should come back for an episode. I know the actor is friends with ckane. they should make it happen because it would be iconic and I said so
on a similar note, ckane is friends with jensen ackles and. guys. wouldn't it- wouldn't it be extremely funny if a flame from eliot's past named sean sylvester who is a rugged drifter with a questionable past
episode where tara or maggie (or BOTH, can you imagine how powerful that would be???) come back and there is slight flirting with sophie possibly??? that or very obvious chemistry from a past tryst. sophie has slept with both of them, I know it in my heart of hearts. bonus points if tara and maggie fall in love (I think it would be funny. maggie's taste in men is canonically atrocious, I think she deserves someone like tara at this point)
I just want a lot of side characters to come back, okay? sue me I miss them
gonna put the rest under the cut since this post has become obscenely long
not episode-specific, but I want more mentions of the korean leverage team. and all the other teams too! we know that in canon there is the south korean one, the nigerian one, and one in london (I think that's it for mentions so far, but correct me if I'm wrong!)
episodes addressing issues with american imperialism and its effects on minorities and marginalized communities, specifically within this country (there aren't a lot of episodes where they are actively out of country)
dear fucking god take a more abolitionist stance on policing I'm begging. would it KILL you to not be weird about cops? pls just punch some more cops. take down white supremacist cops, I'm sure you can scrounge something up bffrrn
women's rights episodes. I know it's kind of recent, but episodes about accessibility of stuff like birth control, abortion access, etc. y'all are capable of making excellent episodes on that I know it
more climate crisis-related episodes. god knows you're feeling it in the deep south
taking down a corrupt megachurch pastor (although lbr, there is no ethical megachurch anything and you can fight me on this)
something to do with ace rights bc I think it would be really cool to see the team advocate for that stuff, especially since breanna is canon ace
helping a polycule that is being victimized by X organization/entity (maybe a housing association or medical or something???). breanna is bombastic side-eyeing the ot3 the entire time. it is making hardison sweat. sophie thinks it's hilarious
taking down 'writers' that use ai and self-publish AND/OR people that take original/fan works off of like ao3 and wattpad and publish them for personal profits without the author's consent. breanna would have a field day with this (god herself could try to convince me that girl does not read/write fanfic and I wouldn't believe it)
episode about underfunded public schools. we saw corrupt private schools in the fairy godparents job but I want an episode that would make abbot elementary writers proud
episode addressing native/indigenous. eliot is from oklahoma, I'm sure he is well aware of the health/job/economic/etc disparities on reservations. I will email jrogers about it myself if I have to- it anyone can get people going about native rights through a tv show it would be leverage.
I sent an ask to wil wheaton once asking if he was open to returning to leverage and I think he said he would be down for it. but chaos either has to be a reluctant ally to leverage international and is being handled by quinn as a hitter OR he is just. in jail. bc he sucks.
bpas and/or pfas episode. breanna has mentioned microplastics before but I want more
the team tears the shit out of conversion therapy camp owners and plants the seeds for legislation that will punish parents that try to send their kids to those hellscapes
while we're at it, I'd love to see an ep where they tackle the trans bathroom issue. god knows the news doesn't talk about it nearly enough
something to do with foster care. they end up starting some sort of foster care network that past clients/allies can take part in. maybe a mentorship program for kids that want to do what they do one day (they are very reluctant to encourage kids to participate in crime BUT if that is the avenue that they are going to inevitably go towards, they guide them in the right direction). nana makes an appearance (*insert 'everybody liked that' meme*)
prison industrial complex episode. I KNOW we had the jailhouse job BUT we really need this in our year of 2024
another episode on corrupt influencers. maybe influencer parents? dear god pls take them down a notch
ep where there is an underlying message that tells you how to avoid becoming victim to scams or something, or like is a tutorial for how to identify scams you might fall victim to (sorry, I just have to say this after two separate people tried to pig butcher me in less than two (2) weeks))
not to say I want them to do an ep calling out cop city, but it would feel really good to watch the leverage team rip that concept to SHREDS
the minimum wage job. need I say more? we deserve the catharsis
pls go after goodwill execs, esp the ones in the pnw that have their sector as for-profit and have become millionaires+ because of it while paying their staff (especially disabled staff) fucking pennies
while we're on the topic, pls call out salvation army (the corporation)
I can probably go on for like five hours so I'll stop here
ep that we get to see harry and his daughter bond :)
job where they get to lower the price of insulin (and other drugs)
actually, you know what? an episode where the crew annihilates big pharma and terrible insurance companies
I think that breanna should be able to go off about mass/over consumption as a treat. I 100% believe she has Thoughts about it. like, she will absolutely call out the corporations that are responsible for these trends, but also she should be allowed to mention our tendency for overconsumption as a society. obviously there are a few corporations that are doing most of the world's pollution/ecological damage, but we should be doing our part too and I KNOW it would be in-character for her to go off on it
I bet she has a LOT to say about influencers, tbh. obviously not all influencers are bad, but there are sooooo many problematic ones and problems within the influencer industry
sizing discrimination in the modeling/clothing industry. let eliot talk about how there are no perfect bodies. also while I'm on the subject, can we PLS have more body-diverse background actors on the show? I know this is nitpicky but I'd really love to see some more people that look like me, even if they are just in the background
a thinly veiled writers' rights episode (I'm looking at you media execs and the stupid amount of time it took for you to comply to the WGA demands)
something to do with media companies making entire movies/tv shows and then fucking cancelling them/not releasing them and using them as tax write-offs. every time it happens it baffles me. that is cartoonishly stupid villain shit. I can't imagine lovingly working on a project for a year plus and then the company just going, nah, we aren't going to release it because you suck and it's a good business move
ai art and ai in general. please. let it BURN
okay now I'm done
ideas from the previous post that I still want:
comicon job. I said it before and I will say it again- we deserve it!!! come on, it's the age of the geek after all!!! (in the last post I also said a ren faire ep, but I will let the card game job count for that)
summer camp ep? I saw a tumblr fic about it and I think it could be cute. it could kinda be like the fairy godparents job- eliot in charge of some type of sports (archery, fencing, etc), hardison would be in charge of arts and crafts (this boy might be a genius with tech and in general tbh, but the show did such a good job of showing that he’s also very talented with the arts- sculpting the statue for the miracle job, forging the old diary in the king george job, etc), parker would LOVE to be in charge of a high ropes course. breanna would totally be down for some sort of nerdy kid robotics or simple, traditional camp games (can't go wrong with the classics. everyone loves making bracelets!) I feel like it's too stereotypical to have sophie have kids put on a play but we all know that's exactly what she would do. idk for harry? I think he has the same traditional camp activities vibe as breanna. he's in it for the nostalgia. OR something to do with videogames
please, please, please, please, please make an episode where they take down a cult, im begging. that would be such a good episode. definitely a mindfuck episode like the experimental job (4x11). I’ve seen a few posts about a job dealing with a cult (here’s one) and I think it would be really interesting
MORE STERLING being DONE with leverage shenanigans!!! give me feral!sterling like in the frame-up job (5x10)!!! give me sterling that protests every step of the way but conveniently looks away and “whoops, the team just disappeared, I have no idea how that happened!!! diddly dang darn it, they got away again!!! sorry guys!!!” bonus points if mcsweeten is there too and also participates in intervening hijinks
the team takes down a circus that is still using and abusing wild animals!!! because first I’d LOVE to see acrobat!parker swinging up in the air like a pro and being in her element, but also because those places are the fucking worst and need to Go Down. give me eliot having to pose as an animal trainer with deep sympathy for the animals being abused, quietly talking soothing words to them when he thinks no one is around (correction: hardison is, in fact, around, and filming his boyfriend’s softness to save for later). give me charismatic hardison playing the role of ringmaster, running and flaunting about and being passive-aggressive to the circus master. give me eliot freeing the animals from their chains when they are finally able to shut the place down and relocate the animals to sanctuaries (his hands shaking just a little as twists the key in the lock, because he too was once an abused, caged animal in his own right and he knows how liberating it is to finally be free).
#i have SO much to say about native rights and I'd give a kidney to be able to have it shown for all on a wide reaching show#for the love of god it's the least we can do#sorry yall im just. really passionate about native rights. I made myself a nuisance to all of my hs history professors talking about it#every chance i got. if the textbooks won't talk about it i will make my presentation about it and educate my peers my goddam self if i have#to#anyway. i will get off the soap box now. but yeah educate yourself on native/indigenous rights (based off where you live too)#episode ideas#leverage redemption#leverage redemption s3#speculation#mine#parker#alec hardison#eliot spencer#leverage ot3#parker x hardison x eliot#sophie devereaux#harry wilson#breanna casey#mr quinn#quinn#side characters#leverage international#tara cole#maggie collins#jim sterling#recurring characters#sophie x maggie#sophie x tara#maggie x tara
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the show chb logo was also ripped from fandom, like in the past decade all the official chb shirt had the logo without the circle and then the fandom started doing and the show went for it, sorry your tags reminded me of that
[Link to post/tags in question]
Yeah, I know Delphi Strawberry Service has done more circular-based CHB shirt designs for ages, and I've seen the more circular-based designs floating around for awhile. I think Magicbysab's circular-based CHB shirt designs also predate the show design? Those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I understand on a level that if they did base it off fandom designs, particularly if they're basing anything on widespread fanon or fandom-based concepts, it can be difficult to pin down credit or may even seen unnecessary. But if they're going to be doing that I feel like at least they could hire like, a fandom consultant of sorts? Instead of just ripping off from the fandom, hire someone from the community who produces that already so at least there's some recognition and acknowledgement of where it originated.
Heck, in some instances if you ask around in the fandom it's not hard to pinpoint who specifically popularized certain concepts! I could talk for ages about Cherryandsisters being a driving force behind photokinesis!Will, or Saberghatz with plague!Will (tbh between the two they spearheaded a ton of early Will/Solangelo fanon), and I swear Drksanctuary alone is behind like 50% of Alabaster fanon, etc etc etc. People in the fandom know these things! Heck, we know ReadRiordan company knows how to do that kind of thing! They commissioned Viria for the official art, and the UK Riordan newsletter reaches out to fans all the time to feature their work (with credit, they're one of the better ones)! Though in Rick's book tours he did showcase Viria's art (at least with credit) without asking before she got commissioned, and during the Tower of Nero book tours they actually straight up stole a solangelo edit from Pervysloth with completely zero credit (link is to my canon url readriordan parody blog).
I think it doesn't help as well that Rick and his editor allegedly use the fandom wiki in place of a series bible. The PJO wiki is notorious for putting inaccurate information or fanon onto pages at random and having no sources. (What I wouldn't give for the PJO wiki to have frequent book/page sources a la Warrior Cats wiki...) There are what, now almost 18 books in the main series alone? Of an extremely renowned best-selling series that's 20 years old and now being adapted for TV? And they STILL don't have a series bible? That's like, step 1 of writing a series. This kind of reliance of the fandom for resources and concepts definitely isn't new for them.
It just feels so bizarre as to what it says about how the ReadRiordan company views the fandom and the creatives within it. I understand that trying to figure out how to give credit to the concept of "CHB shirt design, but circular!" is difficult, if you even can find out who did that first or popularized it. But if you're going to rip things from fandom, at least find somebody to try and credit? Show that you put in even the tiniest amount of effort? And if you get it wrong and people know, they'll correct you and that's that! But ReadRiordan just keeps trying to actively obscure these kinds of things, even with their own media, not ripped from the fandom, which makes it feel all the worse when it gets pointed out. And a lot of the time the whole reason those concepts get popular is because they're filtered through big names in the fandom! The fandom is a community! We know these people! We can point to them and explain exactly what they popularized! Remember how Velinxi popularized long haired Piper with the heart-shaped flyaways? Goodness only knows how many fandom designs are heavily influenced by Viria and Minuiko and Burdge (and Indigonite and Fuocogo and Ikimaru and Thecottonproject and Joker-ace and Sixofclovers and Vikingmera and Saber and Cherry and and and-). If you are in the community this stuff is easy to find. But Rick and the ReadRiordan company clearly being ~5 years behind with fanon pretty obviously tells me that they're not in the community at all, and aren't bothering trying.
#riordanverse#pjo#readriordan#pjo tv crit#rr crit#Anonymous#ask#long post //#sorry i am passionate about fandom history and crediting artists#its late and im too lazy to proofread right now so im just throwing this one out there#apologies if it's nonsensical#anyways Rick and ReadRiordan stop ripping off literally everyone challenge#stares pointedly at Rick blatantly recycling his own writing. its not a fun callback my guy thats just lazy writing#percy making a dam joke to himself in SoN? cute callback#solangelo falling into tartarus scene in TSATS being a direct rip of percabeth in MoA/HoH? what the hell man
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sorry my post is just to complain but guys i literally hate adobe after effects. i can not explain to you the mental torture and how LOW it has brought my mental health because I *need* to use it for my post production class because it's "industry standard". ADOBE After Effects has made me write off the entire film and video production industry as a turn off and I never want to do it ever again.
The amount of times this has crashed on me where I lost everything? 5+ hours of work? 8+ hours of work? It's my fault for not saving sometimes but I also have auto-save on. it didn't save anything so im just left with nothing.
You want a trip to burn out town really quick? Use adobe after effects in an academic setting where you have no choice but to use this program.
I have never in my life TOUCHED a program SO TERRIBLE that it made me never want to do anything about that form of art/media EVER AGAIN
#I'm ALSO going in and out of the hospital these past few weeks so im just bawling and crying and crying over losing this project just now#because it was due 3 days ago#and i cant finish it becvause i loste verything#im sorry to everyone reading this i just feel like an insane person#like if i tried to explain this to someone theyd just tell me to stop crying and to get over it#anyway cannot recommend adobe after effects any fucking less#never join advertising/film industry i guess?#im so miserable right now. AE is a constant crasher#i also got a new computer with 18RAM instead of 8RAM and it still did this#does anyone understand why i cant stop talking about this#it makes no logical sense that our industry relies on adobe THIS fucking much that a program that is KNOWN to crash often#is an industry standard i hate it here#its been 3 months of this#im in so much fucking physical pain thats why im going to the hospital and then i come home to this constantly#guys im so tired i hate Adobe with a passion i hate it so much#mod stuff#from kris p#may delete later but i have bad memory so ill forget and just never do that#when i say its fun im lying to you for masking/show. im lying
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do you. want to talk about body horror with tsams eclipse? cause boy howdy im having thoughts
YES I WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT ACTUALLY!!!!
Eclipse’s entire existence is body horror to me in a way I can’t quite properly convey. He never had his own body, he was always inhabiting someone else’s, and the only time he ever looked like himself when was he was cloaking someone else’s body with the star which hurt him badly.
He’s a direct split of Moon, so when he first woke up, he looked at himself and knew he looked wrong. He heard himself and knew he sounded wrong. And never again from that point forward does he ever get to relish in that feeling of a right body again. He just… gets used to being wrong. He gets used to having a flawed existence.
I had a whole ramble about this in my friend’s discord and I talked about how it probably only amplifies his control issues too, because while it may be one thing to control the people around you and the person you possess, it’s another thing to control how you look I think. Like maybe my “Eclipse can be used as a trans metaphor” is showing here, but I truly don’t think it ever helped him to look at his hands and know they aren’t his.
Like, surely there had to be moments where it occurred to him that he had never lived in a body that was built for him, meant for him, and looked like him. Surely there had to be moments where the feeling of always being the unwelcome other in a body crushed him. Surely he had to think at least once that it would be nice to have a body that is a home rather than a temporary stepping stone to survival.
As far as Eclipse is concerned, all having a body is body horror……..
#asks#crack-a-lackin-max#SORRY THIS IS SMTH I’M KINDA PASSIONATE ABOUT HAHAHA#Like. listen I am DEFINITELY projecting my own feelings here#but i love to imagine that eclipse could sometimes feel like there’s a sort of clawing inside him#that /himself/ is just right under the surface of this incorrect casing#that if he could just shatter the shell that encases him then he’d see the black and red and orange of his own true body#but he knows better#he /knows/ that no amount of clawing at himself and staring in the mirror will change another person’s body#and it makes the feeling all the more unbearable#OKAY SORRY. IM NORMAL NOW HAHA#xero thoughts and rambles#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#sams eclipse#eclipse sams#eclipse
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#i figured this would be better suited for a separate post continuing from here#I've had people get angry at me for giving Steve a proper strongman build - thus making him fat and muscular in the process#ive gotten people mad at me for making him his direct colorpicked skin tone. got told I made him ''the wrong color'' for it#got called slurs#got told i need to just ''take a joke'' when im getting right fully angry at people telling me im wrong for making his AU design that way#been quite literally told our art looks ''ugly as hell'' when people ran out of bigoted arguments#its all just getting really hard and really tiring to keep doing what i love when everyone is vocal about hating it#and very few people are vocal about liking it#i do art for me dont get me wrong. and people have been supportive.#but i cant help but wonder if anyone would have even cared about the mega ref at all if it hadn't been surrounded by people full of hate#its just hard to stay motivated and put my all into something that's gotten so much backlash for stupid reasons you know#i've been putting so much love into my work surrounding this AU lately. my writing and my art. for over the past year now#i try not to ask anything in return other than for people to just pay attention to it at all. give it a reblog#but the one time we have something out of it become popular its because people are stupid and bigoted#i dont care about numbers this isnt about that. i just care about returning the passion i put into the world.#if anyone wants to send anything my way feel free. i could use it#sorry for venting
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i need to find people who wont yell at me for making out with them. i miss yelling at people for making out with me thats my job youre taking my job away from me.
#🗞️#sorry i should be on another date RIGHT NOW. i love dating#also i lied i actually havent gotten yelled at yesterday he was just taken by surprise that i kissed him sloppy style with tongue.#and i was like. i told you we're gonna MAKE OUT. how else do you wanna MAKE OUT!!!!!#so ig i yelled at him. nature is healing#and the other person who yelled at me for making out with him was ofc my princess bc he said im kissing him so passionately im gonna spill#our beers. and while it was true. dont ever yell at me for being passionate like what is your problem. iw ant him so bad
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who do you usually play as in mario kart 8?
BOWSER!!!!!!!!!!! JUNIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#HE'S MY MARIO BLORBO OF ALL TIME I LUV HIM SO MUCH !!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!11!!1!!1#stg if i wasn't so invested in psychic i'd be running a fanblog for junior HE'S THE PRECIOUSEST LIL GUY#i was actually so devastated when i unlocked the final playable character in mk8 wii u and it turned out to be not junior but BABY ROSALINA#i hate her w a burning passion now and not even just bc she took my boy's rightful place in vanilla mk8 /lh#like first of all. every koopaling is there but JUNIOR ISN'T????? IM SORRY????????#SECOND OF ALL. BABY ROSALINA?????? THE DISRESPECT TOWARDS ROSA'S BACKSTORY ISTG#third of all WHY DOES ANOTHER BABY CHARACTER NO ONE ASKED FOR. AND WHICH REDUCES THE OG TO JUST ANOTHER PRINCESS. TAKE PRIORITY OVER--#--THE PRINCE OF THE DARK LANDS??? WHO'S BEEN CANON SINCE SUNSHINE?????????????????#it's so offensive actually#/lh but also /srs#anyway bowser jr is best boy and i defend him with my whole heart#thanks for the ask!#mk8dx
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something that's getting me. people, looking at work others produce (regardless of if that work is provided for free or for some compensation, ie not you directly paying for it but the creator receiving ad revenue and such). is just being very... heartless about it? not thinking about the process, demanding constant improvement and see it as a failure when there isn't improvement, someone cannot call themselves and artist if they do not proceed, they are failed if they do not produce in a way that is more consumable or deemed more respectable.
#shitpost#im thinking about something very specific right now but#the point overall is a general one#and. vague. sorry if this reads weird im tired#but its just something that reads so heartlessly and THEN#theres ANOTHER LAYER of bringing this up in a context where you point out to a lot of other people#that. you see the creator this way (and so they should be seen that way)#just like. its skeeving me out#and i think this can be applied to like. smaller contexts as well. just a mindset of critique that i think is like#im like. if you dont like it. go find somethign else. someone has made this passion their life#and if you think that isn't worth it.............thats on you. if they find worth in their work and have an audience#even an audience of one person or NO audience. then like. its commendable.#to devote yourself to art#even if others see it as juvenile. even if they see the lack of progression as a point of failure#like. fuck OFF.#idk. im slowly starting to think that this sort of indie pov of critique like. should be done in isolation.#but that begs the question of how big should an artist be before you're allowed to critique in public#idk. its just mildly pissing me off#also the thing im vaguing. i haven't watched all of it and i wont. and i clicked around a bit#but not a single mention of this creator's best work.#like a whole series he made just not addressed at all.#a series that HAS artistic thought in it.#and what. it isn't worth even listing?#and like. judging the writing of an autobiography.... that was self published? just like. fuck off?
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how to reconcile a lifetime of everyone building you an identity around being “the smart one” with the fact that you’re turning out to be the dysfunctional disappointment of the family
#my 18 year old sibling is an overachiever who’s already experiencing enormous success with their passion#and it genuinely makes me so happy like 99% of the time#but sometimes i can’t help but think about how i was severely depressed at 18 and doing fuckall in comparison#and even though i’m mentally better now im kind of crashing and burning in other ways#both of my siblings (who are younger than me!!) giving my parents more to be proud of than i ever have is just really fucking with me rn#i’m off one of my meds rn and earlier today i considered stopping the other one too just to experiment#but right now is convincing me i should probably keep taking the wellbutrin#anyways#this post is okay to interact with#if u want lmao but idk why anyone would want to#i really try not to make a habit of vent posting on here#sorry this one slipped through the cracks#brewing cider#🪱
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being an artist means everyone suggesting u go into an art career or art school and being smart means saying Hell No every time
#sorry this is like partially a joke but also not really#ive grown up around enough professional artists to say that i absolutely do not want to go into art as a profession though and actually#i kind of discourage it for others too#its not a very stable career and also if art is your passion then you should really really reconsider#because art school and especially art career can drain that love and passion right out of you#im not trying to fearmonger or crush anyone’s dreams or anything i think that an art career can be really fulfilling for some people#but i also think a lot of younger or self taught artists will want to have a career in art because it’s something#theyre already passionate about and it seems like an easy choice#to just do what you like to earn money#and that sounds great but being a professional artist will turn “doing what i love because i love doing it” to#“doing what i love because i have to do it” and that can really quickly turn into “doing what i used to love but now resent bc i have to ea#i once started drawing only kind of because i felt like i had to for fandom reasons and that killed my enjoyment of art for like.#5 whole months. i had to retrain myself to be passionate about art.#so for me an art career is the absolute last thing i want to do
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seems like you want to be a doctor for the wrong reasons… it shouldn’t be about being able to be “pretentious” someday
this is a one piece blog
#i jest. i post other things too#SORRY i know it can be a pain in the ass to feel like someones audience is cringing at you but this a teaching moment ime#i dont post my whole life story on this fucking. blogging platform#i could tell you about rediscovering my passion for actual medical studies in 2021 after staying away from the field for most of a decade#thats because i was laughed at by trusted adults who thought kid being smart is funnee#i could tell you about how my adhd makes it very hard to get motivation unless im helping people and improving their lives measurably#i could tell you about how after pushing through the anxiety around having/contracting illnesses i feel more sure in pursuing biomed#but i wont and shouldnt have to#also i was just kidding when i said that. look at these tags I CAN BE PRETENTIOUS ASF RIGHT NOW 🔥🔥😌🗣#ok. time to screenshot this for posterity for when im out of my op era because memeing on this ask coukd be timeless
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call me dramatic but im actually starting to get like. kind of sick to my stomach seeing ai art on pinterest
#while im trying to find inspiration from OTHER PEOPLE#im sorry lol i probably am being dramatic about this#and in a few years it probably wont matter anymore and this will be an overreaction#but at least right now#it feels like such a slap in the face that ive dedicated years of my life to this passion#and people are just now taking artists art without their permission#the pieces that some artists have spent DECADES drawing to finally be able to create#and just like that it can be stolen and reappropriated.#now im getting paranoid about someone calling out my art for being ai generated#because of stray marks or because of the emphasis i like to put at intersecting lines#IM SORRY but like a year ago i didnt HAVE the worry that art i see might be ai generated and stolen from hardworking artists!#are artists just going to have to deal with this forever now?#god....#koi talk
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Okay- Actually? No, I'm not shutting the fuck up about my ET AU for Ninjago because I love it. They're my babies!
I'm gonna try out 3D modeling at 11:15 at night to try and craft the aliens because I can.
#sorry im just.. really passionate about that au and its keeping my mind away from a lot of things right now.#ill shut up about it eventually
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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again
#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets#the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever#i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone#and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all#i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option#idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow#job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc#i just feel like ive hit a dead end#like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis#bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore#idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty#sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad#i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl#and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living#but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved#and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable#ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that#and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore#but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much#anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise
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