#sorry im just in such a good mood with them
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alecvolturiswifeforever · 2 days ago
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a kiss for a promise 𝜗𝜚 alec volturi x reader
warnings: none!
tag list: @your-next-daydream @agirllovespancakes @icefrozendeadlyqueen @iloveslasher @pawspurpaw @alecvolturi @kiiwiigii @im-ovulating
a/n: was not expecting to write today but hey ho! this was not proofread so just don’t mention it okay!!!
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Staring out into the streets of Volterra you couldn’t help but let out a sigh, basking in the peaceful silence and the soft breeze that greeted your face. The nightlife had died down a while ago and you couldn’t help but feel somewhat relieved. The loudness was never fun to listen to and, it only seemed to remind you of the fact you were stuck up here. In this stupid room of this stupid castle.
It could be worse.
You let out another sigh.
At least you have a nice balcony view.
Completely lost in thought, you failed to hear - and notice - the door opening and closing, yelping with a flinch as a voice spoke from behind you.
“Are you okay?” Alec’s eyes met yours, the unusual flash of concern floating through his red iris’s and spreading across his face into a frown. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“I’m good. Thank you.” With a soft inhale you caught your breath, heart still racing slightly in the presence of the deadly twin. He nodded in response, eyeing the space next you. “Can I?”
You gestured for him to stand next to you, mirroring your movements and leaning against the handrail to follow your eye line into the street below. After a moment he broke the silence.
“How have you been?”
“I’ve been better.”
You always kept your answers short, not feeling in the mood recently to deeply converse with anyone.
Alec sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“Y/N. Please-“
A groan left your lips, turning to face him.
“I’m fine, Alec. Okay?”
He frowned again, not liking the way your voice wavered. “I can tell when you’re lying,”
You scoffed and pushed yourself away from him completely, an attempt to leave however he gently caught your arm before you could. The vampire pulled you back (albeit a little closer to him than you wanted to be right now) and looked down at you in exasperated, voice breathy as he tried to reason with you.
“I just want to help, sweetface. Please.”
His fingers brushed a hair away from your face, and you just about missed the way his eyes fell to your lips before moving back to your eyes. The vampire listened intently as you opened up to him, soft murmurs and grumbles spouting out from you.
“I just don’t get why I have to be stuck in here all the time.”
He sighed, “It’s for your own safety… and ours. Master Aro-“
“Yeah, yeah. He thinks i’ll expose the secret. I’ve heard it all before -“ You rolled your eyes, “But I think if I went around town hollering about vampires I would be locked in a padded cell for life.”
Alec chuckled in response, loosening his grip on your arm and trailing his fingers down your hand. “I am sorry, Y/N.”
It was your turn to frown, shrugging lightly.
“It’s not your fault we were written into the stars by some ancient gods or something.” You giggled to yourself as you realised how silly it truly sounded. A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, happy to see you smiling for the first time since you were placed in the room.
“I’ll talk to them, see if they’ll let you wander for a little bit. Would you like that?”
Your eyes lit up with a gasp, taking his hands in yours with a light bounce.
“You would do that for me? Please?”
He chuckled again with a nod, feeling your hands tug at his own.
“Thank you! Thank you!” You giggled.
Without thinking you leant forward, pressing your soft lips against his own. It was like second nature, the way you connected. The vampire kissed you back, barely moving as if frightened he would hurt you.
Basking in the gentleness for a moment, you quickly came to your senses, realising you had kissed him without even comprehending the action and pulling your lips away from his. Spilling out a slew of apologies you tried your hardest to tug away.
He whined quietly, lifting a hand to cup your cheek with a breathy whisper, “come here.”
Alec pressed his lips against yours once again, rougher than you and previously but still far from hurting you.
You melted into him immediately and the kiss deepened from a peck for just a moment. Your vampire pressed closer to you, trying to steal some of your warmth for himself, the friction of your soft skin against his own sending sparks down his spine, electrifying his thoughts until the only thing on his mind was you. The way you felt pressed against him, the way your hands gently gripped his forearms, the way your lips carefully followed his movements. Everything about you was perfect to him. Perfectly made for him.
Hands moved from your face to your waist, fingertips brushing beneath your shirt and forcing you to pull away with a hiss.
“You’re freezing, Alec!”
He simply smirked back at you, pulling your shirt down to cover your skin fully before tugging you close and resting his chin on top of head.
“Don’t ever try to lie to me again.” He spoke against your hair, pressing a kiss to your head “I’ll make sure they let you out of this room,” And another, this time laying his cheek against your hair after, “I promise.”
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sometimesthingsgowrongokayy · 22 hours ago
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mk i know that some people wont wanna hear this but
mouthwashing tickle hcs
like 99% of this is daisuke soooo..
also very all over the place, not organized AT ALL cause i was just spewing whatever came to mind. also some swearing
DAISUKE
Lee!
-oh lordy
-yall already know what this is gonna be about
-so i may be slightly obsessed with this man.
-one of my favorite hcs for him is that he has a very slightly pudgy stomach. like he’s fit and athletic and all that, but he just has a lil bit of squishy fluff right down there at his stomach that he cant get rid of no matter how much he tries
-and yall already know where i’m going with this stomach thing. gghrgggrhr he cannot HANDLE it
-he’s so ticklish. like hilariously ticklish. even in scenarios where stuff shouldn’t tickle he’s all giggly.
-such a giggler. all over the place in pitch, from high to low to squeaky to wheezy its literally everything under the sun
-his whole laugh is just so chaotic. snorts, hiccups, squeaks, squawks, guffaws, huffs, all of it. the whole shebang
-he absolutely gets lee moods, and when he does he either ignores them out of denial or kind of just spends time Closer to people.
-he isn’t the type to provoke people into tickling him through being annoying, he already feels like a mess-up and he wouldn’t wanna bother anyone
-so punishment tickles for him just make him feel like he’s done something wrong.
-but praise tickles? when you give him nice fluttery soft tickles for doing a job well done while showering him with compliments? congratulations, you’ve murdered daisuke
-sensitive to everything, too. rough tickles, soft tickles, pokes, flutters, kisses, pinches, everything. he likes lighter stuff though, it makes him feel all fluttery and happy and butterflies in his stomach and aushdurhfh.
-im so torn on whether or not he’d be a shy lee
-cause scenario one, he’s an absolute adorable blushy mess and falling over his own feet even when the Word is mentioned. and when you tickle him his legs are kicking out of pure joy as he hides his face with anything available and just Squeals
-but then scenario two, he’s absolutely fearless, just thinks its fun and playful and is all barky and squirmy when tickled. i think this is closer to canon, where he wouldn’t be as embarrassed by it unless it was accompanied by affection-showering
-i’m so sorry, i have to bring it back around to- his STOMACH this man is so weak to tummy tickles and tummy rubs and- gghrhgr.
-i think his other spots are sides, ribs, armpits, thighs, knees, scalp, and feet but for some reason only when he has socks on
-his knees are awful for no reason. if you do that thing where you make like the spider motion on his knee he jumps across the damn room, and a single charley horse has him on the ground in tears. not actually but you get what im saying
-oh and hips
-i think he’s the type of guy to be really squeeze-sensitive on any bony areas and really feather-sensitive on any squishy areas.
-so ribs, hips, knees, thighs, you’ll get him by squeezing
-but stomach, sides, feet, neck, you’ll get him by soft stuff like fluttering
-SO not immune to pokes and tases. oh tases get this boy so bad
-if you can sneak up behind him and tase him he will jump so hard his head hits the ceiling
-versus if you grab his hips from behind and squeeze them he folds in half like a lawn chair, legs flying up and torso flying down. its kinda the only spot that gets him to do this though, anywhere else and he just crumples to the floor
-i think his ears are sensitive
-and his arms, and his ankles, and his fingers, and his hands, and the tops of his feet, and his calves, and-
-yeah im sorry theres not a single spot he’s not ticklish
-even the bridge of his nose
-his face is ticklish in general. im sorry there is truly nowhere this boy is not sensitive
-absolutely a squirmer and a thrasher if you catch him by surprise or get him really good
-but soft tickles and he’s just flinching and squirming and curling into himself cause he’s flustered by how *good* it feels
-okay i need to shut up Now
Ler!
-so playful and sweet
-absolutely wrecks you, but he’s playful and sweet about it
-another very skilled tickler that doesn’t realize his power(can you tell i have a favorite troupe?)
-definitely enjoys tickle fights
-he’s the type of guy to just randomly bring tickles into a play fight or play wrestle
-also just generally the type of guy to tickle his friends
-i think he’s very switchy
-such a playful little ler
-definitely a tease.
-100000% laughs along with his lee. you never know if he’s laughing at you or with you, though. either way it’s playful and he would never actually make fun of you
-usually more rough with his tickles unless he’s closer to you. tbh, giving someone really tender soft tickles just.. puts him in a lee mood..
-im sorry i have way fewer ler hcs than i do lee hcs
ANYA
Lee!
-i don’t think she’s really all that sensitive tbh
-she can get kinda giggly if you get her hands, back, neck, ears, wrists, etc.. but not many other places
-also not one to laugh very hard. it’s just difficult to get her going
-if you’re really close with her, like really really close, she’ll let loose a little, let herself actually giggle instead of just snicker
-i don’t think she’s necessarily shy, just.. straight up not ticklish
Ler!
-she’s a bit more of a ler than a lee because of her sensitivity
-one thing i love about the mouthwashing fandom is.. they just randomly all collectively decided that anya has long nails
-and i agree with this wholeheartedly.
-she would be a very gentle ler, afraid of making her lee uncomfortable
-even if you’re very close she’d really only go for a minute or so before hesitating
-so sweet and gentle. makes sure you have water and so so good about knowing when to stop
-she’s so worried its almost flustering
-“is this too much? are you sure?” “oh, i’m sorry, was that a bad spot?” “am i doing okay? sorry, i don’t do this often”
-etc etc etc
-overall very sweet about it and doesn’t really tickle people unless she knows they like it. be that through them telling her or her sussing it out on her own
-oh yeah just don’t let her tickle you during or after a heated board game
-all that gentle stuff? out the window. claws all over you, absolutely TEARING you apart
-thats the only time she truly wrecked daisuke- he laughed at her losing and she TACKLED him
-“oh i’ll give you something to laugh about you little piece of-“
-they had to peel her off of him
-he thought about it for the next month and has been very antsy on game nights since
-she uses this to her advantage, btw. if he’s doing too well in a game all she has to do is poke his side and whoops, she’s winning again. whether that’s from his fear of getting wrecked again and letting her win or just his pure distraction from thinking about tickles, we will never know
CURLY
-okay okay listen. muscular people are SCIENTIFICALLY more ticklish.
-its proven. (whats the opposite of debunked)bunked. absolutely known.
-very loud boisterous deep belly laughter
-ribsss.. thighsss..
-i don’t have too many thoughts on him tbh but i do think he’s more of a ler
-big dad energy tbh. i feel like nobody talks about this. but pre-crash he’s very dad-like
JIMMY
-ok ok i know fuck jimmy we all hate jimmy
-but im gonna give it to the man and at least hc a tiny bit for him even though he’s an ass
-ribs. thats really my only thing
-ribs and other bony areas
-lers more than he lees, but then again kinda never does either. people are too grossed out by him and hes too grossed out by people
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kawaiianimeredhead · 2 years ago
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I haven't posted much about it tjis year yet but I'd really like to take a moment and ramble about my plants/shove photos in yalls faces. I had so happy it's warm again and I get to be outside and look at them change like it's so fucking cool!
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These are the first flowers from a plant I had last year! (Not counting a willow tree) I'm so excited. These guys took quite a hit when the Winter and Depression season was here and they fucking have flowers again!
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Neither of these photos are from this week so they're even bigger! But I fucking grew/am growing these!? The cucumbers leaf is like the size of my palm which granted is small but it's still quite large! And I have no idea what is growing I'm the other pot, I got a bag of mixed seeds that didn't list anything on them so it's an exciting adventure!
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This purple is fucking STUNNING, I love these so much! Probably my favorite color I got going on right now
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Speaking of rainbows, I can make a fucking rainbow with the plants I've had past and present??!! I could do with more blue and yellow but still this is so fucking exciting to me its so beautiful!!
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radiocity · 1 year ago
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The L Word | S2E01
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reel-fear · 6 months ago
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
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2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
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5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
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Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
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7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
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He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
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So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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napping-sapphic · 9 months ago
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Obviously I’d want them to do whatever makes them happiest but part of me really does hope that if i ever get married that my spouse takes my last name, not because it’s traditional or whatever but because i just really want to take my own name back and actually form a family that i love and that loves me in return out of it. I want to overshadow my past and reclaim my identity and share it with you, i want us to be so intricately tied together in every possible way i want to make a little family of just you and me where there’s so so so much love, just as families are supposed to be
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hamburgrr · 4 months ago
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So it’s kinda rough but I’ve been WAY too busy to draw anything outside of doodles here and there but have Lee and Casey as the dogs from
This video because it amuses me
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maxphilippa · 7 months ago
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uh. vent art. or something. losing yourself and losing everyone who you cared about as a result
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rapidhighway · 1 year ago
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K I've been thinking about this for like a week now. Ignoring any immortal headcanons if you have them. Knuckles knows he's not going to be able to guard the Master Emerald forever and that probably troubles him, but, if he was dying do you think he'd ask Sonic to guard it? He's the person with a unique connection to Chaos and the Chaos Emeralds and he's basically chosen one the most specialest guy, and one of the few people Knuckles could trust with that duty.
Of course I think Sonic would say no. I think he'd never be able to do that and he wouldn't want to.
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oh-no-its-bird · 5 months ago
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Adjusting my glasses and squinting at my ask box
One of you guys REALLY wants edo tensei tobirama huh
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bistaxx · 9 months ago
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Honestly k!Staxx and k!Quackity's dynamic was extremely underrated like yes they were mother and son but more importantly I firmly they would've casually sold each other to satan should the opportunity come up
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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 6 months ago
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how do you guys do this <- guy who's in love
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.
#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there#im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold#at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire#theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade#of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about#the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc#its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a#metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm#just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long#sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone#its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it#everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much#damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i#collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells#me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my#wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im#excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it#feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun#is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's#what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy#but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire#unrelated#hm i should maybe add a tw to this#tw self injury#but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life#but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it
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waterfallofspace · 11 months ago
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Do you have any fics in progress by chance? You’re such an amazing writer :)
Hiya!~ Thank you for the ask dear~
Honestly, despite how much I love getting asks like this, they always surprise me! It's still such a foreign concept that people not only enjoy my work, but are actively curious about it!
Aghagh and to answer the actual question, yes I do! I usually have at least 10 different prompts sitting in my google docs, but I find I have less WIPS since I'm a fairly 'get going on it and finish it in one - three goes' type of writer. Recently been a bit burned out of my hyperfixations, and finding it a bit hard to just write things (perfectionism kicking in).
That said, I actually have two started! One that's almost finished part one of two (A m/agnus a/rchives fic, two different focuses for the different chapters of snzdom~) and one that's been started, and is abouuuttt halfway done I think~ (A c/huuya centric fic as a so... sooooo late birthday gift for the amazing Hachii, which is turning into a new years/christmas thing too agghh ;-;)
Thank you for the ask!~ I always love getting uh... basically any asks haha~
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florida3exclamationpoints · 3 months ago
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#i knew the vibes were going to plummet as soon as we left the restaurant#ny dad actually isnt in a bad mood about it#he didn't like the loud music but hes not mad about it#but my mom is like 'i picked a bad place i shouldn't have picked that one i didnt even know they had music#and they just HAD to sit us at the loudest table 🙄'#well yeah. it was the only one open when we got there#and she kinda complained about her food and the waitress 😵‍💫#she said she was stressed the whole time bc she knew my dad was stressed#well. the difference between them is my dad was stressed about the loud music#but once we left the place with the loud music. he wasn't stressed anymore#my mom was stressed. so she will find every single thing she can to contribute to her stress. and it will remain. for hours#in fact. probably years from now. we will be like remember that nice trip in September 2024 :) and she will be like#'oh yeah the one with the awful restaurant that i picked out that everyone was miserable about'#(she was the most miserable bc she stressed herself out)#and its just.......... :/ im sorry my dad was uncomfortable with the noise. and that my mom didn't have a good time#but. i cannot remember the last time a restaurant caused LESS anxiety actually.#and on a different vacation earlier this year we went to a restaurant that Everyone else wanted to go to#and it was quite literally one of the most miserable experiences of my life#it was SO loud. the dining room was so small and cramped and it was so crowded and everyone was YELLING#i kept headphones in the whole time and sat with my head down and could barely even eat anything#it was like. an hour+ long panic attack. i wanted to cry the whole time#but when that happened. my moms dinner wasnt ruined bc she felt bad i was stressed#so . 😐 im just saying
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tendercoretroglodyke · 1 year ago
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I have some kind of weird evil wizard curse on me where I feel deeply sad and uniquely horrible when my beloved bestie roommate is home but feel Normal and Emotionally Regulated when theyre out like literally what is wrong with me good GOD get that girl some therapy !!!!
#sorry trying this thing where i speak the thoughts that haunt me and build up in my head as 'unspeakable' anxieties to weaken their power#good thing no one can see this!!!#anyways i want to reinterate that i love my bestie so much and i love BEING with them#but when theyre home and we're not actively hanging out and sometimes even when we ARE i get. like this#i dont understand it#not to be all emo mcdarkness or whatever but i really feel so much more lonely when im around people than when im alone#whats up w that??#like idk is it just a matter of me being jealous that my bestie spends more time with their partner than with me?#or am i jealous bc i dont HAVE a partner like that who is always there for me and considers me their number 1#OR am i in love with my bestie and unable to admit it to myself???#or am i just autistic and having a meltdown every time i socialize with people and realize i am not like them#and dont think i will ever have the emotional intelligence to have a healthy adult relationship like they do#and it drives me fucking crazy with grief??#vs when im alone im like. not even a person anymore and dont need to be seen i can simply exist and do puzzles and listen to podcast#????#no but fr this has been a major issue for a long time now and I'm only recently starting to uncover the patterns in my sadness#and im legitimately so scared im going to reach a point where i need to move out on my own and have more control over when i see my bestie#just to get a handle on this insane mood fluctuations that i truly dont understand#and i dont even know how i would begin to broach that topic with them#bc we have promised each other so many times we would always live together#please god let saying this all out loud make it easier to bear 🙏
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