#sorry if this is at all misrepresentative btw

[chikaoofka]

why would anyone even do that. like no one here is normal in the slightest and its so obvious

[ryuzakistoe]

Could This Be? (Sae Itoshi x fem!reader)

angst, fluff, slow burn, Sae Itoshi, language, smut (heavy?) fem!reader, trigger warning, hopeless/over thinker reader..?, BTW THIS IS GONNA BE A LONGGG ONE.

Yeah there's fingering, orgasms, dominate Sae, big-cocked Sae, somewhat submissive reader?, dirty talk (somewhat?), y’know all the usual.

a/n: give me ideas for who and what to write about next please🙏 cuz I got nothing.

Also, sorry if I made any mistakes on here as I have had not checked for any spelling mistakes or anything. I rushed to try and get this published because well…yeah it’s been a while.

____

(no song for this sorry😢)

Love.

It’s something everyone craves. The warmth of comfort, the security of knowing someone is truly there for you. It’s that feeling of having someone by your side, someone you can open up to without fear of judgment. It’s knowing there’s a shoulder you can lean on when life feels heavy.

Who wouldn’t want that? Everyone longs for that one person who understands them deeply, who stands by them through everything. It’s a natural part of being human.

Yet, finding true love isn’t always easy. Lustful desires can cloud our vision, making it hard to distinguish between the fleeting thrill of lust and the enduring presence of love.

Lust satisfies only for a moment, but love—love endures.

Too often, people mistake lust for love, deceiving themselves into thinking the temporary excitement is something lasting. But in truth, love is far deeper, something that grows and remains, far beyond the surface.

They convince themselves that this so-called "love" they’re experiencing is genuine, when, in truth, it’s anything but.

Then, there are those who have never been loved properly at all. As humans, we often twist the meaning of "love," reshaping it into something that barely resembles true love.

It’s disgusting, really.

The world is far from perfect, and it’s filled with deceivers and liars who spread only flames of falsehood and venom. It’s painful to think that someone like you has crossed paths with these people.

Many have tried to explain what "love" is supposed to be—pleasure, satisfaction, joy, delight, even lust. They use these words to describe love, and it’s horrifying to see how they’ve mistaken and misrepresented it.

What they experienced wasn’t real love at all. Just a shallow, distorted version of something far deeper and truer.

It’s pitiful. The "love" they’ve experienced is etched so deeply into their minds that they believe it’s real. But it isn’t.

Love is so much more. It takes many shapes, each unique to the person, and it goes far beyond fleeting pleasure or satisfaction. Some have been led to believe otherwise, brainwashed into confusing love with something shallow and empty.

They’ve never truly experienced love.

And yet, you, too, fall into this category. You’ve never been loved as you deserved.

These days, it seems like all men want is sex and pleasure. Many of the men you’ve dated claimed to “love” you, but those words quickly unraveled into hollow promises. What they felt was just a lustful attraction, nothing more.

Your heart has been broken more than once by these pretenders, each time leaving you with more questions than answers.

One day, they’d say they loved you; the next, they’d avoid you entirely. And to think, you even lost your virginity to one of these fucking scums.

They left you shattered, vanishing the moment they got what they wanted.

One guy, in particular, slipped past your defenses, convincing you he was different—that he was actually worthy of this "love." He manipulated you in countless ways, claiming it was all in the name of love. He told you that having sex, intimacy, and leaving yourself vulnerable, was the ultimate proof of love.

You were conflicted, torn by doubt, but a deep need to be loved pushed you to trust him. Yet, the days that followed left you miserable and broken, as he cut off all contact after that night.

All you wanted was to be was loved…

One by one, each guy took what he wanted and left, only adding to the ache and emptiness.

You stopped believing in love and began to hate yourself in ways you never had before.

Was love even real? Was it just a fantasy made for movies and stories, something exaggerated beyond reality? No one could convince you otherwise. All those voices claiming to know what love is, how it’s supposed to feel—they seemed almost delusional to you now.

You found yourself pitying them, those blind and hopeless creatures, chasing an illusion you no longer believed in.

What a bunch of animals.

…🌺…

You worked at a small bakery not far from home. Despite everything going on, you couldn’t afford to be broke. Thankfully, this job gave you just enough to scrape by each week. Barely.

You took the night shifts for the extra pay—just in case. A car was out of the question on your income, but that didn’t matter much; work was only a short walk away.

What they didn’t pay you enough for, though, were the rude, bitchy, demanding customers who tested your patience daily. They complained, ordered you around, and acted as if you were their work-slave, to solely serve their every whim. You were surprised you hadn’t lost your mind by now—probably thanks to your coworker or best friend might I say.

“Heyyy, Y/nnie! How’s my favorite girl?” she called out, wrapping you up in a tight hug.

Her name was Yuko. Annoying and overly extroverted as she could be, though you were grateful to have her around.

Her dark, disheveled hair, bounced as she ran toward you. “Hey, Yuko…” you managed, barely able to breathe under her tight hug. Despite her size, she was surprisingly strong.

Yuko’s eyes widened as she realized she was squeezing the air out of you, and she quickly let go. “Ha… sorry, Y/n!” she muttered, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment.

“Nah, you’re fine, Yuko,” you said, smiling as you met her gaze.

Your first shift here had been lonely. You hadn’t bothered much with the other coworkers, and they hadn’t really reached out to you either. You’d all just been there to do the job—nothing more.

You hadn’t really minded keeping to yourself, never making an effort to connect with your coworkers. They hadn’t shown much interest in you, either.

Then came Yuko.

She approached you, eager to get to know you better—though, to be fair, she did that with everyone. She was friends with nearly all your coworkers, and now she’d set her sights on making you her next.

You couldn’t deny that her bold personality drew you in. Something about her was captivating, though you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Was it her loudness? Her confidence? Her outgoing spirit? Whatever it was, you felt yourself drawn to her.

And Yuko felt the same. She sensed there was something different about you, something intriguing, and that made her all the more determined to befriend you.

Who would have guessed that this mutual interest would spark such a strong friendship between the two of you?

You weren’t just another coworker to her—Yuko considered you her best friend. And, honestly, you felt the same way about her.

“I just couldn’t resist squeezing the life out of you, Y/n! You’re just so precious and adorable!” Yuko gushed, clasping her hands together with a loud smack.

“Yuko… you use that excuse every single day,” you sighed, shaking your head.

“Do I? Mmm, I don’t recall…” Yuko hummed, feigning innocence with a coy smile.

You let out a small huff, clearly seeing through her act. With a playful glare, you waited, knowing she’d slip up soon enough.

Sure enough, not even ten seconds passed before she let out a whine, squirming a little under your gaze. “Ah, Y/nnnnieee… how do you always figure me out?” she grumbled.

“You’re just that bad at lying, Yuko.” You chuckled softly, watching as she crossed her arms, giving you a mock-offended glare.

“I am not that bad at lying!” she retorted, pouting.

Lost in your banter, neither of you noticed the soft jingle of the bell signaling someone’s entrance.

“Sure, Yuko, whatever helps you sleep at night—”

“Are you going to take my order, or are you two just going to keep bickering?”

Both of you froze, turning toward the voice with wide eyes.

"Ah… my apologies, sir. Sorry for not paying attention," you muttered quickly, stepping over to the register to take his order.

The man let out a faint hum, as if to agree that yes, it was your fault. Inwardly, you stifled a groan—you could already tell he was going to be one of those bitchy customers.

"Anyway, what can I get for you, sir?" you asked, glancing up.

Your gaze lingered, almost unconsciously taking in his appearance, a habit you’d developed with customers. He had reddish-brown hair and a lean build, at least from what you could see. His eyes, a striking green-teal, were narrowed slightly, showing not a hint of emotion.

You almost paused, a bit envious of his long, dark lashes. What a lucky guy, you thought.

Overall, he gave off an air of indifference, like nothing around him could bother him in the slightest.

“A salted kombucha tea will do,” he replied, barely looking up from his phone.

“Anything else?” you asked, glancing up at him again.

He slipped his phone back into his pocket, meeting your gaze with an intensity that made it feel as if he was sizing you up, too.

“That’s all,” he said, hands shoved casually into his pockets.

You quickly typed in his order, breaking eye contact, though you could still feel the weight of his stare. It was… unsettling.

“And your name?” you asked, grabbing an empty cup, trying to brush off the strange tension.

“Sae Itoshi,” he muttered.

Sae Itoshi? The name struck a chord, tickling the back of your memory. You’d heard it somewhere before, but couldn’t quite place where.

“Alright, your drink will be ready shortly. If you could, please wait over there,” you said, gesturing toward the spot.

Sae’s gaze followed your hand, and without a word, he walked to the designated area.

With the empty cup in hand, you stepped away from the register and started preparing his drink. Just as you began brewing the tea, Yuko appeared at your side, looking as energetic as ever.

“Did I hear that right? That was Sae Itoshi?!” she practically shouted, wide-eyed as she leaned right into your face.

Already feeling the beginnings of a headache, you nudged her back. “Yeah, why are you so surprised?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

Yuko looked at you like you’d just sprouted a second head.

“Are you serious, Y/n?” She scoffed, gripping your shoulders in exaggerated disbelief. “You call me clueless, but you don’t even know who Sae Itoshi is?”

“That, my dear Y/n, was none other than the Sae Itoshi—the famous football player!” Yuko exclaimed, rocking you back and forth.

No wonder the name had sounded so familiar. What were the odds that a famous soccer player would show up at a small bakery like yours?

“Okay, okay, you can let me go, Yuko!” you yelped, clutching the cup tightly to avoid spilling the drink.

Reluctantly, she released you but continued her excited rambling. “Do you realize how rare this is?” she squealed, practically sparkling with enthusiasm.

“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty rare,” you mumbled as you got back to preparing the drink, hoping she’d settle down.

But Yuko just stared at you, her expression twisting with utter disbelief. What’s with everyone staring today?

“The hell, Y/n? How are you not excited about this?! A famous athlete is literally in our shop right now! Out of everywhere, he chose here!” she ranted, poking the side of your head for emphasis.

You swatted her hand away. “Keep your voice down, Yuko,” you sighed, trying to focus.

But Yuko, unfazed, only leaned in closer. “And not only is he famous, he’s one of those hot athletes!” she gushed, ignoring your attempt to quiet her. “How can you stay calm when we’re literally in the presence of a sexy celebrity?”

You groaned, turning to face her. “Yuko, please. Let me finish this, okay? I really don’t need the noise right now.”

She huffed, dropping her shoulders dramatically. “Fine, whatever, Y/n. You’re so weird,” she muttered, leaning against the counter beside you.

A brief silence fell—until Yuko finally spoke up again. “So… how big do you think his dic—“

“Yuko!” you blurted, stopping her before she could finish.

“What? I’m just curious! Can’t you let a girl imagine these things?” she pouted, crossing her arms with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She knew you were already done with her antics.

“At least keep those thoughts to yourself, Yuko. And you call me weird,” you scoffed softly, snapping the lid onto the drink.

Yuko chuckled, clearly pleased with herself for getting under your skin. She lived for teasing you.

You took a steadying breath, picked up the tea, and headed over to Sae Itoshi, feeling a touch nervous to be serving someone so famous.

“Here’s your tea, sir,” you mumbled, holding the cup out to him.

He glanced up from his phone, his eyes settling on you as he reached for the drink. His fingers brushed against yours, warm and slightly rough, sending a surprising jolt through you. Shaking off the thought, you added, “That’ll be 595.31 yen.”

“Right.” He gave a soft hum and pulled out the exact amount, placing the yen in your hand before taking a sip.

You noticed his eyes widen just a fraction as he savored the tea, clearly caught off guard by the taste.

“This is surprisingly good for such a cheap drink,” he muttered, taking another sip.

You let out an irritated huff. Did he really have to say it like that?

“Glad it suits your taste buds,” you grumbled, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

He ignored your tone. “Did you make this yourself?” he asked, studying you with unexpected interest.

Caught off guard by the question, you raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I did. Why?”

His gaze held yours as he replied, “No reason. I just didn’t expect it to turn out this well.”

Another rude remark. Will you ever get a break from these customers?

He took another sip, looking mildly impressed. “I might reconsider coming by again for another cup. You make good tea—for a baker.”

You were sure steam was coming out of your ears by now. You just wanted him out of the shop. “Thanks, I guess,” you muttered, barely concealing your frustration.

“No problem,” he said nonchalantly, strolling out the door without a second glance.

You let out an aggravated sigh. The nerve of that guy.

Slumping your shoulders, you turned and headed back to where Yuko was waiting. The moment she spotted you, she practically skipped over.

“Sooo, Y/n, what’d you think? Pretty sexy, huh?” she laughed, leaning against your shoulder.

“Sure, I’ll admit he’s good-looking,” you muttered, rolling your eyes. “But he’s an absolute jerk. Seriously, how do people put up with him?” You groaned, burying your face in your hands.

“Woah, woah, Y/nnie, what exactly happened?” Yuko asked, pulling back to look at you.

You sighed, pulling your hands away from your face. “He practically insulted me—multiple times. And I don’t even think he realized it.”

Yuko studied your face as you ranted, wide-eyed. Clearly, you were more annoyed than usual.

“Well, look on the bright side, Y/n—he probably won’t come back! …Sadly,” she added, mumbling the last part.

“About that…” you muttered, avoiding her gaze.

Yuko’s mouth dropped open, and she grabbed your face, forcing you to look at her. “You’re telling me he’s coming back?! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh—!”

“Yuko!” you exclaimed as she released her grip, realizing she’d been squeezing your face a little too hard.

“Sorry, Y/n,” she chuckled sheepishly, taking a step back. “But seriously—is he really coming back?” Her eyes were wide, fixed on you like a hawk.

“Well… yeah, he said he might, but I don’t know if he actually meant it,” you murmured, recalling Sae’s words.

Yuko let out an exaggerated groan, tugging at her hair. “Aww, come on, Y/n! Way to get my hopes up!”

“Sorry, Yuko,” you sighed. Not that you were actually sorry.

“Doesn’t mean he won’t, though! Ooh, maybe I can get his number too! I can already picture our future together—wonder how he looks naked in bed—”

“Yuko!” you shouted, interrupting her with a mix of surprise and annoyance.

“Just messing with you, Y/n!” Yuko cackled, wrapping you in a tight hug.

You couldn’t stand how easily she joked about such… lustful things, though you’d never admit it to her. It always made you uncomfortable.

“Aww, I love you, Y/n!” Yuko said dramatically, burying her head in your neck.

That, too, made your stomach turn. You hated it.

Why did everyone toss around the word "love" so casually, like it was just a meaningless phrase? You couldn’t wrap your head around it.

…🌺…

The soft, familiar comfort of your bed enveloped you as you collapsed onto the mattress. A sigh escaped your lips as you began to settle in for the night. It was already 12:05 AM, meaning your shift would start in just six hours.

You let out another sigh, staring at the ceiling, letting your thoughts wander.

Then, out of nowhere, Sae Itoshi’s face flashed in your mind.

Without thinking, you grabbed your phone and searched for his Instagram profile.

What the hell are you even doing?

You scrolled through his posts, which were mostly just photos of him scoring goals, looking effortlessly cool. What is wrong with you?

Your finger hovered over the screen as you clicked on his followers and the people he followed. It was a list of other famous football players, each name more recognizable than the last.

Are you out of your mind?

You navigated through all the social media apps, searching for his name, scrolling aimlessly.

Stop.

You froze, suddenly aware of what you were doing.

“What the hell am I doing?” you whispered to yourself, a wave of realization washing over you.

Why were you so fixated on finding Sae Itoshi online? Was he really that intriguing? Was he worth all this time and energy?

What exactly was so captivating about him?

You had no answers.

With a frustrated sigh, you closed out of every app that featured his name and set your phone down beside your bed. You plugged it in to charge, then wrapped yourself tightly in your blanket.

But despite the warmth, sleep eluded you. Instead, you lay wide-eyed, staring at the ceiling.

What made you do this? Why was Sae Itoshi still on your mind?

Why were you suddenly so desperate to know who he was?

You let out a weary groan, squeezing your eyes shut, hoping sleep would finally drown out the endless questions swirling in your mind.

And after what felt like an eternity, it finally worked. Your thoughts began to fade, and sleep claimed you.

…🌺…

“Well then, Y/nnie, who’s excited to see Sae Itoshi?! I know I am!” Yuko exclaimed, practically bouncing with energy.

“Sometimes you’re too much, Yuko,” you replied, rolling your eyes.

As expected, Yuko was absolutely ecstatic about the prospect of seeing Sae Itoshi again. But could you say the same? You weren’t so sure.

“Come on, Y/n! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! You’ve got to make the most of it!” Yuko urged, clasping her hands around yours with a grin.

“Well, I’d like to make use of my lifetime not obsessing over some famous football player,” you sighed, trying to sound indifferent.

What a lie.

“Gosh, you’re so boring, Y/n!” Yuko huffed, releasing her grip on you. “You’re hopeless,” she added with a teasing tone.

You scoffed. “Me, hopeless? I’m just trying to make enough money to survive out here,” you grumbled.

“Aren’t we all?” Yuko replied, taking a step away from you and heading off to serve other customers.

You sighed, watching her go, then rested your elbows on the counter in the back. Your phone came out of your pocket, and you began scrolling through social media absentmindedly.

Then, once again, that all-too-familiar thought of him crept into your mind.

What is happening to you?

You found yourself on his Instagram page, scrolling through his posts without even realizing it.

Just then, you heard a voice—one you knew all too well.

“You must have a really hard time noticing your customers waiting.”

Your eyes widened in shock. You quickly whipped your head up, and there he was—that stupid jerk—standing right at the register, waiting for you to take his order.

Sae Itoshi…

You quickly turned off your phone, hoping he hadn’t caught you scrolling through his profile just moments before.

Taking a deep breath, you walked up to the register, forcing a neutral expression.

“The same thing?” you asked, trying to sound casual.

“Yeah,” Sae replied, his tone as calm as ever.

With just one word from him, you got to work, preparing his tea with a practiced speed.

It didn’t take long, and within less than 10 minutes, his drink was ready.

“That’ll be—”

“Here.”

Sae handed you the money without missing a beat, then swiftly took the drink from your hands, taking a slow sip.

A satisfied sigh escaped him as he swallowed, clearly enjoying the tea.

You couldn’t help but watch him, eyes lingering on the way he drank.

This guy…

Noticing your stare, he pulled the cup away from his lips and casually spoke, “Y’know, instead of just wandering around looking at my page, you could always just follow me.”

His voice was quiet, almost teasing, but you couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious.

Nonetheless, your eyes widened at his words.

Fuck…he caught you.

“Uh… yeah, I’ll keep that in mind…” you mumbled awkwardly, the words barely escaping your lips.

You could feel your face burning with embarrassment. This is so humiliating.

Then, just as you were trying to regain some composure, Sae spoke again.

“Give me your phone.”

His words hit you like a punch. What the hell? Why would he want your phone?

“May I ask why?” you asked, raising an eyebrow, the confusion evident in your voice.

“I just want to see something,” he replied, his tone flat and unreadable.

You should’ve known better. You shouldn’t give a stranger your phone. It was basic knowledge, after all. But something about his calm, indifferent demeanor made you hesitate.

Strange, you thought, but you didn’t argue.

With a subtle sigh, you pulled your phone from your back pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to him.

Sae swiftly swiped your phone from your hand, his fingers moving quickly as he typed something and tapped on the screen.

“Here,” he said, handing the device back to you.

You took your phone, still confused, and looked up at him. He met your gaze with a calm, unreadable expression.

Without thinking, you broke the eye contact and immediately glanced at what he had done on your phone.

Your eyes widened.

You were now following Sae Itoshi.

"You needed my phone for this?" you asked, your voice laced with confusion as you shifted your gaze back to him.

He took in your baffled expression, his head tilted slightly.

“Yeah, it’s not that hard to click ‘follow,’” he replied nonchalantly, his tone almost taunting.

You glared at him, feeling a frustrated vein pulse at your temple.

Did he really not care how he affected people?

Actually nevermind. He probably didn't.

Now, you were really starting to believe that people probably were paid to put up with this egotistical jerk.

“Whatever. Is that all you needed?” you asked, forcing the frustration down as best as you could.

It was getting harder and harder to ignore his blunt, cutting words.

“Yeah, i guess.” Sae shrugged, his eyes drifting away from you to inspect the decorations and furniture around the shop.

You let out a quiet sigh of relief, grateful that he wasn’t pushing any further.

But, of course, Sae caught it.

His gaze snapped back to you, a hint of curiosity in his eyes. “What? You that eager for me to leave?”

“Somewhat,” you replied, not even hesitating.

Sae’s eyes narrowed slightly as he processed your blunt answer. His brow quirked, clearly not expecting such a direct response. He shrugged it off casually.

“Too bad. I’m coming back.”

Naturally, that soured your mood tenfold. But, oddly enough, you didn’t feel as annoyed as you’d expected hearing those words.

Odd…

"If you're done ordering, please step out of line," you sighed, shoulders slumping. You were already growing tired of his antics.

"Didn’t even get a chance to check this place out, and you’re already kicking me out? What poor customer service," Sae commented casually, holding up his empty cup in front of you. "Might as well throw this away for me, yeah? Thanks." His tone was light, as if he barely noticed how much he was testing your patience.

You let out a frustrated grumble, muttering under your breath as you snatched the cup from his hand, shooting him a glare before turning to the trash can.

Just as you tossed it away, you looked up to see Sae already strolling out, unbothered.

You felt yourself visibly relax as Sae’s figure disappeared from sight.

Seriously, could that guy be any more irritating?

But your brief moment of relief didn’t last.

"Y/NNIEEE!"

Perfect—just what you needed.

"Ah, my beautiful Y/n, how did your date go with Sae Itoshi?!" Yuko teased, a mischievous grin on her face as she draped an elbow over your shoulder.

"Really, Yuko?" you groaned, nudging her off.

"What? Didn’t go as planned?" Yuko pouted dramatically, raising her hands to her face and pretending to wipe away imaginary tears.

"Sometimes, Yuko, you do too much," you mumbled, glaring at her, hoping the hint of annoyance in your tone would get through.

"Y/n, you’re such a peculiar one. Most girls would go crazy by just seeing that guy! I mean, every time I catch a glimpse of him, my heart practically explodes!" Yuko rambled on, forming a heart with her hands and placing it over her chest, mimicking a rapid heartbeat.

"C'mon, Yuko, you know why—" you paused mid-sentence.

She didn’t know. Yuko didn’t know about the pieces of your past you’d left unspoken, buried somewhere you hoped no one would find.

She didn’t know about the heartbreaks you’d endured, the ones that had chipped away at you until even the thought of love felt distant, hollow. She didn’t know about the countless nights spent piecing yourself back together, the silent battles, the disappointments that had left scars no one could see.

Yuko didn’t know about the lies you’d had to believe, the ones that wrapped around you until you could hardly tell where the truth ended and the facade began. She had no idea how those things had worn you down, until something as simple as liking—or even loving someone, felt like too much to ask.

No, she didn’t know any of it. You’d never told her. And maybe you never would.

"Huh? No, I don’t know why. What do you mea—"

"Oh, uh, never mind, it’s nothing," you said quickly, cutting her off, hoping she wouldn’t pick up on the edge in your voice.

But you knew Yuko wasn’t stupid. You could feel her gaze linger on you, her eyes clouded with confusion and curiosity, studying you, knowing something was going on.

Yet, she knew when to let things be.

"Alright, if you say so, Y/n," Yuko murmured softly, letting it drop.

You looked away, voice barely above a whisper. "Yeah."

You exhaled, feeling a small release as her gaze finally drifted from you.

"Anyway, I’ll get back to my shift, Y/n. Talk to you later!" Yuko said with a small smile as she started to walk away, her curiosity saved for another time.

You gave her a quiet nod and returned to your work. Just a couple more hours, and you’d finally be able to go home.

…🌺…

Here you were, lying in bed, getting ready to drift into a deep slumber.

Slipping into your nightwear, you wrapped yourself snugly in your blanket, instantly enveloped in warmth and comfort. Reaching for your phone on the nightstand, you lazily glanced at your notifications.

“Sae Itoshi is now following you.”

Your breath hitched. For a moment, you thought you were imagining things. Was this real?

Heart pounding, you tapped on your profile and checked your followers.

Nope, it wasn’t a mistake. It was real.

But how? How did he even know your name?

Oh. Right. The nametag.

You tossed your phone aside with a sigh, sinking deeper into your bed.

You couldn’t quite pinpoint what you were feeling. There was happiness, maybe even excitement, but it was tangled up with annoyance and a faint thread of confusion.

Why would he follow you? He didn’t seem like the type to care about someone like you. It didn’t make sense.

But the real question lingered: how did you feel about all of this?

It was strange. These emotions felt foreign, like opening a book you hadn’t touched in years. And yet, they felt… good. Comforting, in a way.

But also terrifying.

You couldn’t remember the last time you let yourself feel like this. What if it led to the same pain, the same destruction? Wasn’t it safer to keep your guard up, to not let anyone in?

“The hell are you doing to me,” you groaned, burying your face into your pillow, trying to escape the overwhelming storm of emotions crashing over you.

…🌺…

"Let me guess—the same thing?"

"Yeah."

You let out a small sigh, already knowing the routine as you headed to the back to prepare his drink.

He came in every day, like clockwork. It was almost comforting in its predictability, though he never switched things up—always the same drink, no pastries, nothing else.

As you handed him his order, you asked, "Do you want anything else, or…?" You already knew the answer but asked anyway, half out of habit, half hoping for a surprise.

"No," he replied flatly, his tone as cutting as ever. "Though it’s pretty stupid of you to even ask. I mean, isn’t it obvious by now? I get the same thing every day."

Ah, yes. Classic Sae. Always quick with the unnecessary criticism. What a great way to dampen your already mediocre morning.

"Well," you muttered, brushing off his remark with a hint of irritation, "it’s just that you always get the same thing. Don’t you ever want to try something else?"

Your tone betrayed your annoyance, but honestly, could anyone blame you?

"If I wanted something else, I would’ve asked for it already, don’t you think?"

Now he was just being a smartass.

"I get that," you scoffed, barely holding back your frustration, "but wouldn’t you want to at least try something different?" Your fists clenched at your sides, a subtle outlet for the irritation bubbling inside you.

Sae paused, his gaze steady as he studied you for a moment. Then, with a sigh, he finally said, "If I buy something else, will you stop nagging me about it?"

"I mean… I guess?" you replied, your uncertainty creeping into your voice. A simple "yes" felt too eager, but saying "no" would make it sound like you were intent on pestering him forever. You weren't a begger. Especially not to him.

Sae gave a curt nod and glanced at the display, scanning the selection before pointing at a pastry. "That one looks decent."

Your gaze followed his finger to the pastry in question. "Alright, then," you said, moving to grab a paper bag. Carefully, you placed the pastry inside, sealed it up, and handed it to him.

"That’ll be 645.87 yen," you muttered, barely meeting his eyes as you extended your hand. He handed you the money without a word, his expression unreadable as ever.

You let out a relieved sigh, assuming this was the part where Sae would leave, as he usually did.

Usually.

Just as you thought your morning might finally return to normal, Sae took a step, then stopped and turned back to face you.

You blinked, confused. Wasn’t he done here? Apparently not.

“Before I forget,” he began, his unwavering gaze fixed on you, “I have a match coming up against this program called Blue Lock. I want you to come watch.”

Your eyes widened slightly, your mouth parting in disbelief.

Did he just… personally invite you to his game?

“Wait… what?” you mumbled, still trying to process his words.

He let out an exasperated sigh, his expression tinged with impatience. “I said I want you to come to my match. You’re not deaf, are you?”

And just like that, your initial shock morphed into irritation.

Great. Just great.

“Well, can you blame me? It’s not every day a famous player invites someone they barely know,” you grumbled, narrowing your eyes at him.

Sae shrugged, resting a hand on his hip. “I don’t have anyone else to invite,” he admitted casually. “Besides, you’re not all that bad to talk to.”

Your eyebrow shot up. “What’s that supposed to mean?” you murmured, your tone skeptical.

He met your gaze without hesitation. “You’re someone I enjoy talking to. I’m sick of people who act all formal and fake around me, putting on some persona just because of who I am.” His voice was steady, almost nonchalant. “Not to mention the crazy fans. It’s exhausting.”

He paused, then added, “It’s refreshing talking to someone who doesn’t act like that.”

You didn’t know how to respond. Was he being serious? Judging by his expression, he didn’t seem like the type to lie about something like this.

Your chest tightened, your heartbeat picking up speed.

Were you nervous? Happy? Flustered?

It was hard to tell—everything about this felt foreign, yet oddly familiar. It left you feeling strangely vulnerable.

“Our conversations are also quite pleasant,” Sae added, his tone as flat as ever.

You blinked, your expression instantly deadpan. Did he really just call our “conversations” pleasant?

What a ridiculous statement. The only thing you two ever did was bicker—and by bicker, you meant he annoyed you to no end. Pleasant? Hardly.

You let out a sigh, equal parts confused and exasperated, before replying, “Sure, Sae. I’ll accept your invite.”

The words left your mouth before you could really think about them. Why had you said yes? You could’ve said no—you should’ve said no. That would’ve been the normal response. The usual you response.

But instead, you’d said the opposite.

Strange.

What’s been up with you lately?

"I'll text you the details," Sae said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

And with that, he finally left, pastry in hand, leaving you to process the whirlwind of emotions he'd stirred up.

…🌺…

One day.

The match against Blue Lock Eleven was just one day away.

It was strange—this was the first football match you’d ever been excited about, and honestly, it didn’t feel like you at all. You’d never cared much for sports. Until now.

Was it the thrill of having a big shot like Sae personally invite you to one of his games? Or was it the curiosity of experiencing a live sports match for the first time?

Probably a little bit of both.

But alongside the excitement, there was something else. Nerves.

Actually, scratch that—you were really nervous.

You’d have to go alone—not that being alone bothered you most of the time, but this was different. It would’ve been better to bring a friend.

Maybe Yuko? She could always go, right?

But then again, Sae had personally invited you. That probably meant he’d already arranged for a seat—most likely close to the field. And with how packed the stadium would be, there’d hardly be any open seats nearby. Everyone would be scrambling to get as close as possible.

You groaned, letting your head hang low in frustration.

Looked like you’d just have to suck it up.

“What’s got you looking so down in the dumps?”

You lifted your head, only to be met with none other than Yuko herself.

Speak of the devil.

"Nothing much. Just… thinking," you replied, straightening up to regain your composure.

Yuko raised an eyebrow and stepped closer, stopping just within arm's reach. "About what?"

"Just about an upcoming game," you murmured quietly, crossing your arms as you tried to mask your nerves.

"Why would you be stressed over a game?" Yuko asked, her expression turning confused as she looked at you.

You sighed, feeling the weight of your thoughts. It wouldn’t hurt to tell her, right?

"Well, it’s just that Sae Itoshi invited me to watch one of his games and—"

"WHAT?!" Yuko screamed, cutting you off mid-sentence.

You immediately felt your face flush in embarrassment as her loud shout turned every customer and employee's attention toward you both.

"Yuko! Keep it down!" you hissed, quickly covering her mouth to stop any further outbursts.

"Sborrey," Yuko mumbled, her voice muffled as you kept your hand over her mouth.

You slowly pulled your hand away, gripping her shoulders as you gave her a stern look. "Yuko… please don't shout like that," you grumbled, scolding her gently.

"Mmm, I’ll try," she awkwardly chuckled, a sweatdrop forming on her forehead.

"Anyway… what about Sae Itoshi?" Yuko whispered loudly, leaning so close to your face that you could feel her breath.

"I said, Sae Itoshi invited me to one of his games," you repeated, trying to stay calm.

She froze for a moment, eyes wide. "He… he personally invited you?!" Her voice trailed off in disbelief as she spoke loudly.

"Yuko!" You shot her a glare, but before you could speak again, she broke into a grin that looked almost too wide.

"Yes, he personally invited me," you murmured, now feeling even more awkward under her intense gaze.

"Oh my gosh… OH MY GOSH! Y/n, do you have any idea how lucky you are?!" Yuko practically shouted, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Any girl would kill to have THE Sae Itoshi invite them to his game! How’d you do it? Did you seduce him? Or did you promise him se-”

"Yuko!" you shouted, quickly cutting off whatever inappropriate thought was about to escape her lips.

"Sorry, Y/n… but seriously, tell me! How?" Yuko urged, clasping her hands together with excitement.

You looked away, scratching your chin, before meeting her gaze again. "Well, he just said he enjoyed talking to me and then invited me," you said, trying to downplay the whole thing.

Yuko’s expression immediately dropped, and she stared at you, incredulous. "Are you kidding me? That's it? No love confession or anything?"

"Um… no," you replied, still staring at her, not entirely sure how to react to her reaction.

"Ugh, that's so lame!" Yuko huffed, tugging at her hair in frustration. "Y/n, I thought you were better than this!"

"What do you mean—?"

"Never mind!" Yuko cut you off with an exasperated sigh. "Well, regardless, this is the first time I’ve heard of Sae Itoshi taking an interest in someone he barely knows enough to invite them to his game." She grinned mischievously, raising her eyebrows up and down as she looked you over.

"Yeah… I was kind of shocked myself," you replied, brushing off her teasing with a nonchalant shrug.

"He's definitely interested in you, Y/n!" Yuko exclaimed, grabbing hold of your arm in excitement.

You deadpanned, staring at her in disbelief. Really? The Sae Itoshi, interested in you? What a joke.

But even as you dismissed it, you couldn’t help but wonder. Why had he invited you? Sure, maybe it was because he enjoyed talking to someone who wasn’t fawning over him like the rest of the world, but was that really all?

Is that really all it took?

"You're funny, Yuko," you murmured, gently shaking her off.

"Aww, c’mon, Y/nnnieee!" Yuko whined, practically bouncing on her feet. "He invited you! He could’ve picked anyone else who was 'sane,' but he chose you!" She emphasized the word sane with a teasing grin.

"Yuko, you’re just making this into something it’s not. It’s probably nothing," you said, brushing it off as you started to move away and continue your shift.

If Yuko could, she would have slapped some sense into you.

She hated when you were this oblivious. "You’re hopeless, Y/n," Yuko groaned, shaking her head as she let you do your thing.

With that, Yuko left, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Great. Now her words were swirling in your mind, filled with what ifs.

It felt strange—almost disorienting—as your heartbeat quickened along with the rise of these thoughts.

This was definitely not like you. It only made you feel more stressed and confused.

Maybe Yuko was right. You really were hopeless.

Although who could blame you, after everything you've been through?

…🌺…

SAE! SAE! SAE! SAE!" The crowd roared his name, their voices blending into a thunderous chant as the prodigy scored the first goal.

You were completely mesmerized, entranced by his skill. For a moment, you forgot all about the nerves that had been eating at you since this morning.

…(right before the match)…

Come on, Y/N, you'll be fine," Yuko had said earlier, her tone reassuring. "But what if I get lost?" you had asked, chewing on your lip. "I highly doubt that," she replied with a smirk.

Yuko had been trying to comfort you as she drove up to the entrance of the stadium. Since you didn’t have a car, she’d offered to drop you off. Out of the kindness of her heart, she even gave you a full pep talk on the way.

You sighed, sinking further into the passenger seat. "I just don’t get why you can’t take the day off and come with me," you murmured.

Rolling her eyes, Yuko shot you a look. "Y/N, I have another job. I don’t exactly have the luxury to tag along with you today.”

You knew about Yuko's other job. She had told you just yesterday when you asked her to come with you. Still, the idea of navigating a building packed with thousands of people on your own felt overwhelming.

"As much as I love you, Y/N... you need to get out of my car. I'm going to be late," Yuko said, leaning over to push open the passenger-side door.

The word love made you flinch slightly. You weren’t used to hearing it, at least not like that.

"Yuko..." you mumbled, watching her gesture impatiently at the open door.

"Y/N, you’re going to be fine," she said with a firm but reassuring tone. "Just ask someone for directions!"

You hesitated for a moment before sighing. "Fine. Since when did you want me gone so badly?" you asked, feigning offense as you shot her a playful glare.

"Ever since you started making me late!" Yuko shot back, her voice exasperated but light. "Come on, Y/N!"

She kept nudging you to get out, her urgency growing by the second. Despite yourself, you couldn’t help but laugh a little as you finally stepped out of the car.

"Okay, okay!" you chuckled softly as you finally stepped out of Yuko's car.

You shut the door with a solid slam and turned toward the stadium entrance. Glancing back one last time, you caught Yuko waving at you before she drove off. A frown crept onto your face as your attention shifted to the massive doors ahead.

Taking a deep breath, you stepped inside. Instantly, it felt as though someone was twisting your insides. The nerves hit hard.

You wandered through the bustling halls, clutching your ticket like it was a lifeline. But the moment you found your seat, it was like someone flipped a switch. All those negative emotions—gone, replaced by excitement and anticipation.

_______

“GO SAE!" you shouted along with the crowd as he made a goal, cupping your hands around your mouth as if that would make your voice reach him. Deep down, you knew he couldn’t possibly hear you over the deafening roar of the fans chanting his name.

Still, you couldn’t help but grin. You hadn’t expected to enjoy this, not really. But here you were, caught up in the moment, cheering louder than you thought possible.

You smiled, your gaze fixed on the prodigy dominating the field. Admiration filled you, though you couldn’t tell if it was just for his skill—or if there was something more.

From your reserved seat—the one he had bought for you—you watched him intently. And then his eyes found yours.

Your breath hitched as Sae locked eyes with you. The moment stretched, and the longer it did, the warmer you felt, your cheeks heating under his piercing stare. Was that a good thing?

Your palms grew clammy, your heart racing wildly in your chest. And then, just as you thought the intensity might be too much, he smirked. It was a sly, almost teasing look, as if to say, Did you see that?

Your eyes widened slightly as you took in his expression. For the first time, you saw something beyond boredom or disinterest—even anger—on his face. It was subtle, but it was there—a spark of something you couldn’t quite name.

Still, you preferred this over his usual expressionless gaze. That smirk, that piercing look—it made you feel something.

But as much as you enjoyed it, you hated it too. It felt familiar, painfully so. And familiar wasn’t safe. It was dangerous.

You’d felt this way before, and it hadn’t ended well. It left you shattered, broken in ways you swore you’d never let happen again. You couldn’t afford to risk those consequences a second time.

Forcing yourself to breathe deeply, you tried to steady your thoughts, keeping your composure as you held his gaze. Part of you wanted him to look away, to release you from the unspoken tension. Yet another part... didn’t.

It was as if the gods decided for you when Sae finally turned his attention back to the field.

You exhaled sharply, feeling your heart begin to slow. But even as relief washed over you, those lingering feelings—the ones you tried so hard to suppress—still churned within, refusing to let go.

It seemed these lingering "feelings" would take their time to fade, refusing to settle easily.

_______

“Come on, just give me your number, pretty boy!"

Sae didn’t even acknowledge the man’s bold remark, brushing it off as if it hadn’t been said.

Your attention shifted to the source of the comment—a guy with blond hair, the tips dyed pink. He stood out, to say the least. Odd, maybe, but he certainly wasn’t shy.

The game was already in its second half, and you felt more alive and energized than ever. You never imagined you’d enjoy something like this—not in a million years.

The next match was about to start, and you could feel the tension crackling in the air. It radiated from the players on the field and the roaring crowd around you.

They were tied.

This next goal could decide it all.

You sat on the edge of your seat, anticipation coursing through you. Deep down, you hoped for U-20 to win.

Not that you cared too much about the outcome—your loyalty was simple. Sae was on U-20, and he was the only reason you even knew about the team.

Your eyes widened as the player named Shidou seamlessly linked up with Sae. Together, they were nothing short of monsters. Their aggressive, fast-paced gameplay was unmatched, almost unreal. With every precise pass and powerful stride, they closed in on the goal.

But fate had other plans.

In a sudden turn of events, Blue Lock Eleven intercepted the ball. Before you could fully process what was happening, a player named Isagi launched the final shot.

The ball hit the back of the net.

For a heartbeat, the stadium fell silent. Then, chaos erupted—screams, cheers, and a deafening roar from the crowd.

You exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. The tension had gripped you so tightly it felt as though the game had you in a chokehold. It was exhilarating—every second of it.

As the crowd began to disperse, you quickly gathered your belongings. But before heading out to meet Yuko, you decided there was one thing you had to do. You needed to see Sae.

Walking down the hallways, you peeked into every room, hoping to find Sae in one of them.

By the time you reached the last door, there was still no sign of him. Where the hell was he?

Letting out a frustrated huff, you pulled your head back and turned to leave. But before you could take another step, you bumped into someone.

"Ah—I'm sorry! Please forgive me, I wasn't paying attenti—"

"Do you always apologize this much, or what?"

You froze. That voice—of course, you knew that voice.

Your head snapped up, and sure enough, there he was. Sae.

"Oh, it’s just you," you said, letting out a breath. "I’ve been looking for you."

"For what?" Sae asked, his sharp gaze fixed on you, his tone as unreadable as ever.

Was he really this dense?

"To congratulate you. Why else?" you said, arching a brow at him.

Sae locked eyes with you, and once again, your heart betrayed you, picking up speed as the silence stretched. Finally, he spoke.

"What’s there to congratulate? We lost," he said flatly.

"Still, you played well," you replied earnestly.

"I guess," Sae muttered, his tone dismissive.

Your jaw tightened. Somehow, he always found a way to get under your skin.

"Could you show a little more gratitude than just ‘I guess’?" you grumbled, shifting your weight onto one foot, irritation bubbling over.

"And what do you want me to say?" he asked, his sharp eyes glancing over your figure.

"A simple ‘thank you’ would be nice," you shot back, your tone dripping with frustration.

Sae stood there, quiet for a moment. Then, in a low voice, he murmured, "Thank you."

It wasn’t much, but it was enough to catch you off guard.

You couldn’t help but smile at his response. “That’s much better. See? It wasn’t that hard, was it?” you teased, your smile unwavering.

Sae took in your smile, then shot back with a snarky reply, “What, do you want me to pick an answer that’ll satisfy you?”

Your smile faltered, and you stared at him, baffled. What was his deal? “Never mind... forget I said anything,” you muttered, letting out a sharp sigh.

A heavy silence fell between you both. It lingered, uncomfortable, as neither of you knew what to say next.

Just as you were about to break the silence, Sae spoke first

“Its best if i get goi-“

“Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”

Sae quickly mumbled as he cut you off, his voice quieter than usual, almost as if he regretted asking.

You blinked, stunned, processing his words slowly. “Huh?” you whispered, your heart skipping a beat. It took a moment for the question to fully sink in. Did he really just ask you that?

Did Sae Itoshi—the Sae Itoshi—just ask you out to dinner?

You stood there, unsure whether you had heard him correctly, your mind racing. Sae, the same guy who had been so indifferent and sharp with you, was now asking you to dinner? The idea felt so out of place, yet somehow, it didn’t seem like a joke.

The silence stretched again, and you wondered if he was waiting for your response.

“Uh, Sae, can I ask why?" you muttered, still reeling from shock.

Sae let out an irritated grumble before responding. "I said it before, didn’t I? You’re the only person who doesn’t go crazy over me. Is it wrong to want some company?" His tone made it clear he was turning this back on you.

"Well, not exactly, no—"

"Then why is it such a problem for you?" he interrupted sharply.

You stood there, staring at him, utterly confused. Why was he blaming you now?

"It’s not a problem," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. "It’s just… surprising, that’s all."

But Sae wasn’t ready to let it go. "Why is it such a shocker?" His agitation was growing more obvious.

"It’s not—actually, never mind," you sighed, feeling the frustration creeping in.

You knew this conversation wasn’t going anywhere, and continuing would only make things worse.

Sae let out a satisfied hum, as if your response had confirmed everything he wanted to hear.

Silence crept back in, heavy and uncomfortable. You shifted your gaze elsewhere, refusing to look at him. Something about meeting his eyes made your stomach swirl uneasily.

It was the opposite for Sae, though. His piercing gaze stayed locked on you, sharp and unrelenting like a hawk stalking its prey. He hadn’t looked away from you once.

"So? Your answer?" Sae’s voice cut through the quiet, calm yet demanding.

You responded quickly, almost too quickly. "Uh, yeah. I can. Sure.

Sae's eyes narrowed slightly. You hadn’t even looked at him when you spoke, and for some reason, that ticked him off.

"Why don’t you look at me when I’m talking to you?" he asked, his voice laced with irritation. It was clear he wasn’t just annoyed—he was genuinely angry.

Wow. What a way to cross boundaries, huh?

Still, he had a point.

Why weren’t you looking at him? Why did your palms feel clammy when he stood so close? Why did your heart race like it was trying to escape your chest? Why were you all fidgety?

It couldn’t possibly mean you liked him.

No, of course not. You were just… nervous. Right?

It had to be nerves. This was the longest time any guy had spoken to you, after all. Most of them usually got what they wanted and left.

Actually, thinking about that now made you feel ridiculous—like you were some kind of attention seeker.

Or maybe it was because you felt so small, so insignificant, under the weight of his gaze. His presence was overwhelming, suffocating—a constant reminder of how much larger than life he was. A big shot. Someone untouchable.

And yet, that only made you feel more pathetic.

But what did you really feel?

Maybe—just maybe—he had grown on you. Maybe you had caught feelings. But was it because he stayed longer than anyone else ever had? That thought alone made you feel queasy. It felt wrong.

Desperate.

Attention seeker.

The words echoed in your mind like a cruel whisper. You hated the sound of it. You didn’t want that to be the truth.

But what if you did like him? What if it wasn’t just nerves, or loneliness, or some desperate grasp at the closest thing to affection?

You’d considered the possibility, of course. You weren’t naïve enough to ignore it. But you refused to let it be true.

You weren’t ready—not for this, not for him, not for the chance of heartbreak all over again.

You’d been through it countless times before. And you weren’t sure you could survive it again.

If that’s how you felt—if you really did like him—but he ended up taking what he wanted and leaving like all the others… would you even be able to pick up the pieces this time?

The thought alone was unbearable, and it crushed any shred of hope you might have clung to.

It dampened your mood, dragging it into a deeper, darker place. You wanted to pull back, retreat while you still could. But it was too late now.

"Did you even hear me? What’s up with you and being deaf?"

His sharp tone cut through your thoughts, snapping you back to the present. The weight of your emotions dulled, if only for a moment, as irritation took their place.

"I'm not deaf," you muttered, your voice dripping with frustration.

"I doubt that," Sae shot back without missing a beat.

Resentment bubbled inside you, but before you could fully process it, Sae’s voice broke through again. "At least you’re looking at me now."

That stopped you cold.

He was right. You were looking at him now.

Your emotions screeched to a halt, forced into submission by the weight of his words. You didn’t even realize when you’d started meeting his gaze, but now there you were, staring back at him.

It felt like standing in the middle of a battlefield, with nowhere left to run.

"That aside, what time should I pick you up?" Sae asked casually, as if the question was of no real importance to him.

Your eyes widened. Right… you’d agreed to the dinner he offered.

"Uh… anytime in the afternoon is fine," you mumbled, struggling to find your voice.

"5:30 then?" he suggested, his tone as nonchalant as ever.

"Yeah, that should work," you nodded, quickly running through your mental schedule.

"See you on Sunday, then," Sae said abruptly before turning on his heel and walking off, his dismissal clear.

"Yeah… Sunday," you murmured softly, even though you knew he couldn’t hear you. He was already out the door.

The moment he left, you let out an exhausted sigh, your body finally relaxing. You hadn’t even realized how stiff you’d been.

But before you could fully unwind, your phone buzzed in your pocket. With a weary hand, you pulled it out, unsure of what—or who—was waiting for you now.

"Yuko 🤡."

The contact name flashed across your screen, pulling you out of your thoughts. Right—Yuko was supposed to pick you up.

You stared at the screen for a moment before silencing the call, deciding not to answer. There wasn’t much to say anyway, and your head felt too cluttered to hold a conversation right now.

Shoving the phone back into your pocket, you hurried toward the exit. Each step felt heavier than the last, as if the weight of the earlier exchange with Sae was dragging behind you.

You needed air. You needed to think. And maybe—just maybe—a way to stop the relentless pounding in your chest.

_______

As you stepped out of the building, the familiar sound of Yuko’s voice greeted you.

"Why didn’t you answer my call?!" she exclaimed, leaning halfway out the driver’s side window, her dramatic tone impossible to miss.

You rolled your eyes, suppressing a tired smile. "What about it? I’m here now, aren’t I? Be grateful I even saw your call."

Yuko gasped, hand to her chest as if deeply offended. "The audacity!"

You chuckled softly, shaking your head as you opened the car door and slid into the passenger seat. Her over-the-top antics were a welcome distraction from the weight still lingering in your chest.

"Sooo," she began, eyes glinting with curiosity as she waited for the seatbelt to click, "how was the game?"

"It was good," you replied, sinking into the seat as the exhaustion caught up to you. "Better than I expected."

Yuko hummed, pulling onto the road, but her sideways glance told you she wasn’t entirely convinced by your answer.

"Better than you expected, huh? Was it because Sae Itoshi was there?" Yuko teased, her grin wide as she navigated the familiar route to your beloved sanctuary—home.

You groaned, tilting your head against the seat to glare at her. "No, it wasn’t just because he was there," you grumbled, your tone sharp enough to match your annoyance.

"Oh, really? Well, if you say so…" she chuckled, clearly not buying it.

"Believe what you want, Yuko," you huffed, rolling your eyes. You knew she wouldn’t let it go, but you were too drained to argue.

"Okay, okay," she said, feigning surrender before flashing you another sly glance. "So, if it’s not because of Sae—according to you—what made it better than you expected?"

Her words hung in the air for a moment.

You hesitated, staring out the window as you mulled over her question. The truth was painfully obvious: it was mostly because of Sae. But you’d rather bite your tongue than admit that out loud.

Finally, you hummed, masking your thoughts. “The players were really skilled, and the game was super intense. I was honestly very impressed by their amazing footwork.”

Yuko raised an eyebrow, sparing you a glance as she drove. "Mmm-hmm. Sure, it was all about their footwork," she said, her tone dripping with playful disbelief.

You crossed your arms and leaned back, determined to let the conversation end there. At least, that’s what you told yourself.

You weren’t lying about the players’ skill. They really did keep you on the edge of your seat, and the game had been incredible.

"But damn… now you’re making me regret not going," Yuko groaned, dramatically slumping her head onto the steering wheel. Luckily, you were stopped at a red light. "Having more than one job sucks!"

You laughed, unable to help yourself. "It was a fun game," you admitted, watching her over-the-top display.

Yuko sighed heavily, the light turning green as she straightened up and began driving again. "Rub it in why don’t you," she muttered, though her grin betrayed her fake annoyance.

It didn’t take long for the car to fill with her usual nonsense—playful jabs, ridiculous theories, and random observations that seemed to come out of nowhere.

You quarreled the whole way home, with her spouting dumb, shitty jokes and exaggerated stories, while you did your best to tolerate it—barely. Still, there was a comfort in the banter, her chatter distracting you from the quiet heaviness that had lingered after Sae.

By the time you pulled into your driveway, you felt lighter, even if just a little.

…🌺…

Seeing the taillights of her car disappear into the night, you let out a heavy sigh and dropped onto the couch. The weight of the evening pressed down on you as you tossed the apartment keys onto the coffee table. The sharp jingle and dull clack of metal meeting wood cut through the silence, a momentary distraction as you sank deeper into the plush cushions.

Your expression darkened, a frown tugging at the corners of your lips. Why? Why was it always Sae that haunted your thoughts, filling your mind with questions you didn’t want to answer? No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t shake the lingering echoes of your earlier conversation with him.

The date you’d agreed to—it was just two days away. The thought twisted your stomach into knots. You wanted to back out, to call it off before it began, but the idea of standing someone up felt even worse. Disappointment was something you despised, even more so when you were the one responsible for it.

A frustrated groan escaped your lips as you buried your face in your hands, rubbing at your skin with rough, almost punishing force. Agitation bubbled beneath the surface, a bombardment of emotions you couldn’t quite name. The room felt suffocating, the silence too loud, and yet all you could do was sit there, wrestling with a decision you didn’t know how to make.

You dropped your hands into your lap, staring blankly ahead as your thoughts swirled like a relentless storm, each one louder and more suffocating than the last. The idea of possibly liking him—or worse, getting attached—clawed at your mind. It was a question you couldn’t stop asking yourself, no matter how much you wanted to bury it.

You clung to the hope that it was merely the second option, attachment. Even though you despised both possibilities, the latter felt like the safer bet. Safer, because it didn’t require vulnerability. Safer, because it didn’t come with the promise of heartbreaking pain.

But the thought of giving yourself to someone—as a lover, as a partner—sent a wave of nausea through you. It was too much. The mere idea of trusting someone with the fragile pieces of your heart again was unbearable. You’d rather push them away, let them detach cleanly and painlessly, than risk being left exposed, broken, and abandoned once more.

Hope? No, that was long gone. It had slipped through your fingers like sand, scattering into nothingness long before tonight. You had stopped believing in the gentle caresses and warm embraces of true love. Those things weren’t meant for you. They were for people who hadn’t already been shattered. People who hadn’t spent years picking up pieces they could never fit back together.

You slumped further into the couch, letting the weight of that realization press down on you. The silence wrapped itself around your thoughts, heavy and suffocating, as the void within you grew wider. If love had ever been a possibility, it wasn’t anymore. And you’d made peace with that. Or so you told yourself.

…🌺…

As the hours passed, your anxiety and stress got worse.

You were basically going to have a ‘date’ with Sae in less than 24 hours. And of course with the weight of this realization—it didnt help as Yuko was nagging your ear off as usual.

”Oh come on Y/n, are you even listening to me?”

“Sorry Yuko, what was that?”

You were pulled away from your thoughts as Yuko called you out.

Yuko gave you a slight scowl before returning to her unnecessary speech. However, as soon as she started speaking, your mind subconsciously ignored her words as you began to think about it Sae once more.

It started to become a habit now—thinking about Sae. It was indeed a troublesome habit you’ll admit, but you couldn't help it.

It’s weird. A guy with few words who started showing up at the place you worked at not that long ago—now starting to take such an impactful and heavy toll on you? It was something you could have never predicted.

“And then she thought it was a good idea too—Y/n!” Yuko shouted, grabbing your attention once more.

Your gaze snapped back to Yuko as you were met with an angry look. “Sorry Yuko.” you apologized.

“Are you serious Y/n? Is my story not that entertaining to you?” Yuko spoke as she took a step closer.

“No that's not it all. It's just…somethings been on my mind lately.” you spoke earnestly.

“Spill.” She demanded, not wasting a breath.

You let out a soft chuckle at her antics as you basically gave her a rundown on the encounter with Sae.

_______

“Y-You mean…its an actual DATE?!” Yuko shouted as a very unnatural, wide grin overtook her face.

“Uh I guess..” you sweatdropped, taking a step away from Yuko.

Yuko squealed like a fangirl as she ran up to you, squeezing the life out of you as she gave you her signature hug, pushing your face down to the plush of her breasts.

“Yuko! That's enough…” You mumbled out as she had you caged in.

Yuko reluctantly let you go as she gave you some space.

“Y/n, I told you. WHAT DID I SAY FROM THE BEGGINING! This man is into you! And its Sae Itoshi out of all these men!

“Yuko…its just a friendly date. He's not into me like that…I think.” You spoke with a bit of uncertainty.

“Why are you in denial Y/n?! I have never heard from the media or anywhere of Sae Itoshi inviting a girl he just met not that long ago to dinner just for ‘friendly talk’. I am telling you he's into YOU!” Yuko rambled on, getting some sense into your head.

“Yuko…i think your overlooking this maybe a bit too much,” you mumbled as you tried to drop Yuko’s accusations.

Yuko paused. She slowly turned her head towards you with a deadpan expression. “Are you fucking with me right now?”

“Y/n…are you fucking serious right now?” Yuko spoke with an alarming calm tone.

Yuko took a couple step towards you as she stared you down. An unreadable glint flashed in her eyes as she stood quiet. “If I could Y/n…i would beat you senseless if it means I can finally get this through your head. Its a shame I love you too much to do that.” Yuko finally spoke as she let out a sigh.

“Do I take that as a threat or…” you mumbled, slightly startled by her actions and words.

“Nope!” Yuko chuckled as she stepped away from you. “Ill let you be Y/n. But trust me when I say he’s interested.” Yuko voiced as she looked at you.

“How can you be certain though Yuko?” you spoke.

Yuko smiled at you before she left. Her steps slowly receding as she gave you one last glance before leaving you to do your job. “I know men, Y/n.”

…🌺…

“I'll pick you up. What's your address?"

"It's *****”

"Alright. I'll be there in about 10 minutes."

You set your phone down on the nightstand, releasing a shaky exhale. Even texting Sae was nerve-wracking.

Rising slowly from the couch, you headed into your bedroom to give yourself one last look in the mirror. You didn’t want to seem underdressed—not for a date with Sae. Oh, especially not with the Sae Itoshi.

Dragging your feet across the creaking floorboards, you pushed open the bedroom door. You stopped short in front of the full-length mirror, taking a moment to steel yourself.

You stared at yourself, your own reflection staring back. But the image before you felt foreign, like a mask you no longer recognized. The girl in the mirror seemed whole, unbroken, but you knew better—everything she showed was a lie. Beneath her composed surface was the weight of every heartbreak, every whispered promise that shattered like glass.

You saw your past in her eyes, a pool of anguish and betrayal. Men who touched but never stayed, who spoke of love yet only took what they wanted—leaving nothing but fragments of yourself behind. They had used you, consumed you, and discarded you, their intentions never pure, their affection hollow. You craved love, dreamed of it as something beautiful, but each experience taught you the same painful truth: love wasn’t real. It was an illusion, a cruel trick life played to make you believe in something that didn’t exist.

And yet, as much as you wanted to give up, as much as the mirror whispered that hope was foolish, you couldn’t stop the ache. The craving for love was carved within you. You wanted to be held, cherished, seen—not for what you could offer, but for who you were. But with each passing day, fear groped tighter around your heart. What if love would only break you again? What if the cost of trying was more than you could bear?

You longed for someone to prove you wrong, to show you love wasn’t just a fantasy crafted by movies and books. But even that hope felt dangerous. Could you risk it? Could you open the door to your heart one more time, knowing it could destroy you if it all fell apart again? If someone could rewrite what love means to you, would you let them?

It was odd. Very odd, indeed, that in the midst of such vile and upsetting thoughts, Sae appeared in your mind.

But why?

Why was it him who came to mind?

You’d only known the guy for barely two months. Was that really enough time to feel yourself growing... attached? The thought was confusing—so confusing it made your head spin.

A frown crept across your face. Yes, confusing was the perfect word. It was almost impossible to imagine Sae and love in the same sentence. The word felt foreign and distant, like it belonged to a language you could never hope to understand.

The sudden chime of your doorbell snapped you out of your thoughts. Sae was here. How much time had passed?

You grabbed your belongings in a rush, practically stumbling to the front door. Pausing for a moment, you let out a deep breath, steadying yourself. The nerves were hitting you like a shit ton of bricks, threatening to overwhelm you.

But you could manage. At least, you hoped you could.

You opened the door, and there he was—Sae Itoshi, standing casually yet exuding that air of quiet confidence he always seemed to carry.

Your eyes trailed over his figure, taking in his outfit: a brown blazer layered over a plain white T-shirt and a pair of fitted black pants that somehow managed to look both fitted and effortlessly relaxed.

As you took in his appearance, it seemed he was doing the same to you.

“You actually look decent for once. I was half-expecting your outfit to be as bad as those crappy work uniforms,” Sae remarked, his tone as dry as ever.

Of course. Not a single day passed without at least one of his signature insults.

“Thanks. You don’t look bad yourself,” you muttered, biting back your irritation—a skill you’d honed to near perfection in these past two months.

Sae let out a low hum, a sound that could almost be mistaken for agreement. The corners of his lips tugged upward ever so slightly, a ghost of a smile flickering across his face. “The car’s outside. Let’s go.”

You gave a short nod and stepped out, pausing only to lock the door behind you. The cool night air greeted you as you followed him down the path, nerves still fluttering in your chest but your steps steady enough to keep up.

You followed behind Sae as he led the way to his car, his confident strides making it clear he expected you to keep up. When you reached the sleek vehicle, he headed straight for the driver’s side without so much as a glance in your direction.

What a gentleman.

Suppressing an irritated sigh, you opened the passenger door yourself and slid into the seat. As you settled in, your gaze drifted—unbidden—to Sae. His hands, calloused and veined, gripped the handle firmly as he opened his door. Slim, strong, and steady, they were surprisingly... attractive.

A sudden warmth rushed to your cheeks, and you blinked, snapping yourself out of it. Really? Were you seriously paying attention to his hands? This wasn’t like you. But, embarrassingly, you could now understand Yuko’s endless rants about the appeal of a man’s hands.

You shook the thought away, pressing your lips into a thin line as Sae slid into the driver’s seat. He shot you a brief glance, his teal eyes sharp, curious, but ultimately uninterested enough to probe further.

“So, uh... you have a destination in mind?” you asked, your voice cutting through the awkward silence.

“Of course. I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t have a place in mind, would I?” Sae replied, his tone matter-of-fact as he started the car.

“Yeah...” you mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed by your question. Why was it always so hard to hold a normal conversation with this man?

The drive was quiet at first, the low hum of the engine filling the space. But you couldn’t help noticing Sae glancing at you every so often, his teal eyes flicking toward you before quickly returning to the road. It wasn’t subtle—he was clearly taking in your appearance.

The attention made you squirm slightly in your seat, the silence growing heavier with every glance. Finally, you broke it. “Do I have something on my face or...?”

Sae’s gaze shifted fully to you for a brief moment, his expression calm but entirely unreadable. Caught in the act, it seemed. “No,” he said, his voice as smooth and detached as always. “I’m just... still surprised you managed to look this put together outside of your uniform.”

“Put together?” you repeated, eyebrows raising as you tried to determine whether or not to be offended.

“Yeah. You look good.”

The words landed like a wave out of the blue. Your eyes widened, and an undeniable blush crept across your cheeks.

Sae Itoshi—the Sae Itoshi—just said you looked good.

You opened your mouth, searching for a response, but nothing came out. All you could do was turn your gaze toward the window, attempting to hide the warmth that flooded your cheeks. Meanwhile, Sae returned his attention to the road, his expression as unreadable as ever, as if he hadn’t just sent your heart racing.

Your stomach churned, a confusing mix of queasiness and ecstasy, while your heart hammered relentlessly in your chest. You hated it—and enjoyed it at the same time.

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Sae glancing at you through the faint reflection in the window. A quiet chuckle escaped his lips, low and rich, breaking the silence in the car.

The sound sent a shiver down your spine. It was a rare, almost musical laugh that you hadn’t heard from him before.

Your ears perked up instinctively, and before you could stop yourself, you turned to look at him. Sae’s face, usually so composed and indifferent, held the faintest trace of a smile. The corners of his lips curved softly, and even his sharp teal eyes seemed to soften, crinkling ever so slightly with the expression.

His smile—rare and beautiful—was utterly mesmerizing. His smile resembled something of a masterpiece, delicate and breathtaking, like standing before the most sacred painting in a museum. The kind of art that pulls you in, making the world fade around you, leaving only the singular beauty in front of you. The curve of his lips, the gentle crinkle at the corners of his eyes, the faintest hint of warmth softening his usually stoic expression—it all felt impossibly sacred. It was the kind of sight that engraved itself into your memory, refusing to be forgotten.

"You laughed," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath, as if speaking too loudly would shatter the fragile perfection of the moment. Your gaze stayed fixed on him, wide-eyed and awestruck, unable to look away.

His expression shifted, the corners of his mouth faltered yet still tilted upward, though now tinged with faint curiosity at your reaction. You barely noticed. The sight of him like this—so unguarded, so human—had stolen every ounce of your focus, making your chest ache with something you couldn’t put into words.

“Am I not allowed? Why is it such a shock to you that I can smile?” Sae asked, the same soft expression lingering on his face as he spoke.

Your face flushed with embarrassment. “No, that’s not what I meant! It’s just... I’ve never seen you make any expression other than annoyance or indifference,” you said earnestly, your words tumbling out before you could stop them.

Sae tilted his head slightly, as though your statement was absurd. “I’m not some expressionless robot. You do realize that, right?” he replied, his usual sarcasm laced with a surprisingly lighthearted tone.

Before you could open your mouth to defend yourself, his voice cut in again, smooth and unbothered.

“Well, would you look at that—we’re here.”

_______

The restaurant was... nice. No, very nice. The kind of nice that made you sit a little straighter in your chair and second-guess your outfit. Everything from the polished marble floors to the soft glow of chandeliers above screamed luxury. You couldn’t help but feel out of place.

You’d never set foot in a restaurant like this before—linen napkins folded like origami, waiters moving with the precision of dancers. It wasn’t hard to imagine that Sae frequented places like this. He looked perfectly at home, his tailored outfit exuding effortless sophistication. Even his so-called “casual” attire seemed worlds apart from your own, and the subtle glint of jewelry he always wore hinted at an expensive taste you couldn’t begin to comprehend.

"Have you decided what to order yet?" Sae’s calm voice broke through your thoughts. He was still scanning the menu, his expression unreadable as ever.

You glanced back at the glossy menu in your hands, the rows of elegant dish names doing little to help your decision. "No, not really," you admitted, glancing up at him. "Everything looks good. I can’t decide."

Sae set his menu down, his gaze shifting to you with that steady confidence of his. "Then order whatever you find even slightly appetizing," he said, as though it was the simplest solution in the world.

You hesitated, your eyes lingering on him as you wrestled with a pang of guilt. "Are you sure? Is that okay...?" you asked softly, your voice trailing off. The weight of the prices on the menu and the sheer grandeur of the place were making you second-guess everything.

"Y/n, I have more than enough to cover the meal," Sae said, his tone as casual as ever. He leaned back slightly, glancing around the restaurant with an almost bored expression. "I could buy this entire place if I wanted to."

Wow. Nothing quite like Sae's unintentional flexes to remind you just how wide the gap was between your lives. Standing next to him on any given day was enough to make you feel like an unemployed, wandering vagabond.

"Ah, right. I forgot how disgustingly rich you are," you grumbled under your breath, a sigh slipping past your lips as you slouched back into your chair.

He didn’t react, just offered you a faint shrug as if to say, Well, it’s true.

Soon enough, the waiter returned, and you gave your order, still feeling a pang of guilt for indulging in food you weren’t even sure you’d like. But as the thought lingered, you steeled yourself. Actually, no—screw the guilt. If Sae wanted to flaunt his wealth and bring you to a place like this, the least you could do was enjoy it. Think of it as compensation for dealing with his bluntness and lack of tact on a daily basis. Yes, this was your reward.

Still, the moments after the waiter left were... awkward. Sitting across from Sae in silence was like waiting for a storm that may or may not ever hit. The quiet wasn’t necessarily tense, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either. You debated pulling out your phone but ultimately decided against it. It would feel rude, and you weren’t about to be that person.

To your surprise, Sae broke the silence first.

"So," he began, his voice low but steady, "how was your day?"

You blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift. "Uh... it was fine, I guess. Nothing exciting," you replied, wondering what had prompted him to initiate small talk.

He nodded, his gaze fixed on you in a way that made it clear he wasn’t just asking out of politeness. "Do you have any pets?" he asked next, his tone still casual but carrying a thread of genuine curiosity.

The question made you pause. This was... new. Sae wasn’t exactly known for his conversational efforts, and yet here he was, actively engaging. You decided to roll with it. "No, I don’t, but I’ve always wanted a dog," you admitted, a small smile tugging at your lips. "What about you? I can’t imagine you having time for a pet."

He shrugged again, the corners of his mouth twitching ever so slightly. "You’re right. Too much effort," he said simply, though there was a faint amusement in his tone.

The conversation had been flowing smoothly, surprisingly so, until Sae’s next question brought it to an abrupt halt.

"Have you dated anyone?" he asked, his voice casual but direct, the weight of his gaze making it impossible to avoid.

Your eyes widened slightly at the unexpected question, and for a moment, you froze. Quickly, you composed yourself, forcing a small, nonchalant smile onto your face. "Yeah, actually. I’ve dated a couple of people," you replied evenly, though your voice carried a faint tension that betrayed you.

Sae’s sharp eyes didn’t miss it. He wasn’t just observant—he was a prodigy at reading between the lines, piecing together the truths people tried to hide. The brief flicker of discomfort that passed over your face before you answered didn’t go unnoticed. He didn’t pry, though. Instead, he filed it away silently, as if respecting a boundary you hadn’t explicitly set.

"Well, what about you?" you asked, seizing the opportunity to shift the focus onto him. Your tone was light, almost teasing, though a part of you was genuinely curious. "Have you dated anyone?"

Sae leaned back in his chair, letting out a quiet hum as if considering how much he wanted to say. "Not really," he began, his tone even. "Just a couple."

You raised an eyebrow, surprised by his candor.

"The girls I dated were... aggravating," he admitted with a sigh, tilting his head back and closing his eyes briefly. His expression was calm, but the faint furrow in his brow suggested lingering annoyance. "They wanted too much. Too clingy, too demanding. I couldn’t stand it."

A small chuckle slipped past your lips, the sound light and unrestrained. "That’s surprising," you said with a laugh, covering your mouth with the back of your hand as if to stifle it.

Sae opened his eyes at your reaction, turning his attention to you. For a moment, he didn’t speak, his gaze steady as it lingered on your face. He studied you—the curve of your smile, the sparkle in your eyes that hadn’t been there a moment ago. Finally, he broke the silence. "How so?"

Your laughter quieted, but a playful smile lingered as you met his gaze. "Well, you don’t exactly look—or act—like the type of guy who indulges in relationships," you admitted, leaning back slightly in your chair.

Sae cocked an eyebrow, his expression unreadable at first. Then, a small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "Really? That’s funny, because at first, you didn’t look like the type of girl to even know what a relationship is," he quipped, the smugness in his tone unmistakable.

You blinked, caught off guard by the remark, before narrowing your eyes at him. "Oh, come on," you muttered, deadpanning as you leaned forward. "That’s so unfair."

He chuckled softly, the sound rare but genuine, and you couldn’t help but feel the tension in your chest ease. "Jokes aside," he said, his smirk fading into something more sincere, "you’re quite the looker. You’re on the attractive side, you know." His tone was casual, but his gaze held steady, focused entirely on you. "I’m not really surprised you’ve been in relationships."

A faint blush spread across your cheeks as his words settled in, leaving you flustered in a way that made your heart race. Sae always had this way of throwing you off balance, his calm yet blunt remarks stirring a confusing mix of emotions. Why did he affect you like this? You glanced away shyly, mumbling, "Thanks, I guess... you’re not bad yourself."

You fiddled with the hem of your shirt beneath the table, trying to focus on anything but the heat rising to your face. But, of course, Sae couldn’t let you off that easily.

"I know I am," he said, his tone dripping with casual arrogance. "My looks are way above average, after all."

You snapped your head up at his words, a small grunt of frustration escaping your lips. Your narrowed gaze locked onto him. "You know," you grumbled, crossing your arms, "I liked it better when you were expressionless."

But even as the words left your mouth, you knew they weren’t true. If anything, you lived for the rare moments when Sae’s stoic mask slipped, revealing hints of his humor, his smugness, or even just his rare smiles.

Sae’s lips twitched slightly, a hint of amusement playing at the corners of his mouth as he shrugged. "Life doesn’t always give you what you want," he remarked, his voice calm and measured but laced with the slightest tease. "Guess you’ll just have to deal with it."

The sheer smugness in his tone made your irritation bubble over, and an exasperated scoff slipped from your lips. You glared at him, but Sae remained unbothered, his smirk now fully formed as he leaned back in his chair.

He was enjoying this—enjoying the way he was getting under your skin, the way he could pull these reactions out of you so easily

After a round of playful—and not-so-playful—bickering, the food finally arrived.

The dishes were plated with such precision and artistry that they looked almost too good to eat. Almost. The aroma wafted up, rich and tantalizing, and your mouth watered instantly. Your excitement was palpable, your gaze flitting from one dish to the next as the waiters carefully placed them on the table. Words failed to describe the sheer joy your taste buds anticipated, and your expression said it all.

Sae glanced up from his plate, his eyes settling on you. A soft chuckle, barely audible, slipped past his lips as he took in the sight of your excitement. It wasn’t loud or mocking—more like a quiet, amused acknowledgment of how endearing you looked. From his perspective, it was as if this was your first real meal. He found himself wanting to memorize the moment, the way your eyes sparkled, your lips curving into an unconscious smile at the sight of the food.

You didn’t waste a second. Grabbing your utensils, you dug in, the first bite sending a wave of satisfaction through you. The flavors were indescribable—rich, balanced, and utterly heavenly. Each morsel seemed to melt in your mouth, and your body visibly relaxed with each bite.

Meanwhile, Sae hadn’t touched his food. He rested his chin on one hand, watching you with a soft, almost imperceptible smirk. He wasn’t sure what was more fascinating—the way you seemed utterly transported by the meal or the unguarded happiness on your face. You were like an open book in this moment, and he found himself… intrigued.

When you finally noticed his lack of movement, you paused mid-bite, narrowing your eyes at him. "What?" you asked, your voice muffled by food but still laced with suspicion.

Sae shook his head slightly, his smirk growing. "Nothing. Just… you really like your food, huh?"

"Of course, I do," you shot back, quickly swallowing so you could defend yourself properly. "It’s amazing! How are you not eating yet?!"

"I was just enjoying the view," he remarked casually, his tone as calm as ever, though his words carried a teasing edge.

Your cheeks flushed, and you glared at him. "Well, stop staring and eat your food before it gets cold," you muttered, your irritation half-hearted.

Sae finally relented, picking up his utensils and diving into his own meal. The two of you ate in companionable silence after that, the earlier tension easing into something more comfortable.

Between bites, your gaze flickered to him, catching the subtle way his posture relaxed, the way he seemed content. Maybe it was the food, or maybe it was the company, but the moment felt… nice. Natural.

And though neither of you said it aloud, the quiet comfort of eating together spoke volumes on its own.

…🌺…

"The food was great. I really enjoyed it," you said as the two of you walked toward his parked car. The evening air was cool, and the soft glow of the streetlights painted everything in a warm, muted hue.

Sae glanced at you, his hands casually tucked into his pockets. "It sure looked like you enjoyed it, considering the way you stuffed your face," he remarked, his tone as deadpan as ever.

Your face instantly flushed a deep red, embarrassment creeping up your neck. "Hey!" you shot back, turning toward him with wide eyes. "You can’t criticize me for that! This was… new to me! I was just… excited, okay?"

The words tumbled out in your attempt to defend yourself, but the more you spoke, the more you realized how ridiculous you sounded. You huffed, crossing your arms as you stole a glance at Sae, waiting for his response.

But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just looked at you, his expression softening as a warm, genuine smile spread across his face.

It caught you completely off guard.

The embarrassment that had been bubbling inside you vanished almost instantly, replaced by a strange, calming warmth. There was something about the way he smiled—rare and unguarded—that made everything else seem trivial. For a moment, it was just the two of you, standing there in the quiet evening, and all the teasing, awkwardness, and uncertainty faded away.

This whole evening had been… different. Odd, yes, but enjoyable in a way you hadn’t expected.

Sae opened the car door for you, gesturing for you to get in. As you slid into the passenger seat, you found yourself sneaking one last glance at him, his faint smile lingering in your mind.

Maybe this wasn’t just dinner. Maybe it was the start of something more.

_______

"That’s your apartment, right?" Sae asked, pointing toward the familiar building as he brought the car to a stop.

"Yeah," you replied with a nod, unbuckling your seatbelt and stepping out of the car.

To your surprise, Sae stepped out as well, his movements casual as he fell in step behind you. You turned to face him, your brows furrowing in confusion. "What are you doing?"

He met your gaze, hands shoved into his pockets, his tone as calm and nonchalant as ever. "Walking you to your apartment. Isn’t that how you’re supposed to treat a lady?"

You blinked, caught off guard by his unexpected reply. Of all the times for him to act like a gentleman, now was the moment he chose? His words felt both sincere and teasing, leaving you feeling both confused and slightly amused.

Shaking your head, a small laugh escaped your lips. "Whatever," you muttered, rolling your eyes but unable to hide your smile.

The two of you walked up to the building together. As you reached your door, you fished around in your pocket for your key. The sound of metal jingling filled the air as you finally pulled it out and unlocked the door, turning the key with a satisfying click.

Pushing the door open, you stepped inside and turned around, expecting Sae to leave. But he was still there, standing just outside the doorway, his expression unreadable.

The longer he stood there, the more awkward the moment became. You felt a twinge of guilt, unsure if he was waiting for something or simply being polite. After a beat of hesitation, you sighed and pushed the door open wider, gesturing for him to come in.

"You might as well come in," you said, your voice soft but resigned.

Sae raised an eyebrow, as if slightly amused by your reaction, but he didn’t say anything. With a small nod, he stepped inside, his presence instantly filling the space in a way that felt both strange and oddly comforting.

Sae kicked off his shoes at the entrance and stepped further inside, his eyes sweeping over the room. His gaze lingered on the various pieces of decor and furniture, taking everything in with an unreadable expression. One by one, his eyes moved from the small bookshelf in the corner to the slightly mismatched throw pillows on the couch. Finally, he spoke, his voice calm and measured. "So this is your apartment, huh? Cozier than I expected."

You turned your gaze sharply toward him, a familiar irritation bubbling within you. It seemed Sae had an unmatched talent for making even his compliments sound like backhanded remarks. "You always think so little of me, don’t you?" you grumbled, crossing your arms as you watched him continue his casual inspection of your space.

Sae glanced at you briefly, unfazed. "I judge based on what’s shown on the outside," he said with a shrug, his hands still buried in his pockets. His tone was neutral, almost indifferent, but you could sense a hint of teasing beneath it.

Letting out a sigh, you brushed past him and made your way to the couch, the plush cushions welcoming you as you sank into them. You stretched out slightly, the tension in your body melting away as you made yourself comfortable. "Well, I guess that makes you the ultimate judge of character, huh?" you muttered, your voice tinged with sarcasm.

You slouched into the couch, exhaling a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. The day had been long, but the quiet hum of the apartment seemed to melt the tension from your body. You turned your head, and your gaze was immediately captured by Sae's piercing teal eyes, watching you with a calm intensity.

A strange warmth bloomed in your chest, fluttering like an unspoken secret between you. "So," you started, your voice laced with casual curiosity as you fought to push the feeling aside, "why did you willingly step into my apartment? Not exactly your usual scene."

He tilted his head slightly, his expression unreadable as always. "Why not? I was bored." Sae's reply was as nonchalant as ever, but the way he strolled over to join you on the couch betrayed a certain comfort in being here. He sank into the cushions beside you, letting out the faintest of sighs, as if your living room had somehow become his sanctuary. "Besides," he added after a beat, "it was pleasant hanging out with you. I wasn’t ready for that to end yet."

His words struck you harder than you cared to admit, and a maddening blush began to creep up your cheeks. You quickly turned your head, a small, nervous laugh escaping your lips as you scrambled to keep your composure. "So, you're saying I'm fun to be around, huh?" you teased lightly, hoping the playfulness would mask the sudden erratic rhythm of your heart.

For a moment, Sae’s face remained impassive, but then a subtle smile curved his lips—rare and fleeting, like a secret he allowed you to glimpse. "More or less," he said, his voice low but tinged with an undeniable warmth.

The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable. If anything, it felt charged, like the pause before a thunderstorm. You weren’t sure if it was the proximity, the way his knee almost brushed yours, or the way he looked at you as if he could see past every wall you’d carefully built.

"You’re full of surprises, Itoshi," you murmured, leaning back against the couch. The teasing edge in your voice was softer now, replaced by a quiet curiosity you couldn’t quite hide. "Never thought I’d hear you admit to enjoying anyone’s company."

He glanced at you, the corner of his mouth twitching as though considering whether to respond. Then, without warning, he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, his eyes locked onto yours.

"Maybe you’re an exception," he said simply.

The words hung in the air between you, heavy with implications you weren’t sure either of you were ready to unpack. Your heart skipped a beat, and for once, you didn’t have a clever retort.

The faint sound of rain began to patter against the window, filling the silence. You turned your gaze toward it, your mind racing. "Exception, huh?" you finally murmured, trying to sound indifferent, though your voice betrayed the faintest waver.

He didn’t reply immediately, and when you dared to glance back at him, you found him watching you again, his expression softer now. "You don’t have to overthink it," he said, his tone a touch gentler than before. "I just… didn’t feel like being alone today."

Something in his admission made your chest tighten, but instead of pressing him further, you simply nodded. "Well," you said lightly, offering him a small smile, "good thing you’re here, then. I wasn’t planning on being alone either."

The rain continued its rhythmic melody, and as the evening stretched on, the distance between you seemed to shrink, both physically and emotionally. Neither of you said much, but in the quiet company of one another, there was a sense of understanding that didn’t need words.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, the hum of the television filling the air. You glanced over at Sae, wondering what was running through his mind. After a moment, you decided to break the quiet.

"So, Sae," you began, your voice trying to sound casual. "Do you want to do anything, or...? I imagine you’re probably getting bored by now."

His eyes met yours, his gaze unwavering. He looked... contemplative, as if he were lost in thought about something important, though he didn’t seem eager to share.

"I’m fine," he mumbled after a long pause, though his words didn't match the slight tension in his expression. It was clear there was something on his mind, something weighing him down, but he wasn’t ready to say what it was.

You nodded, respecting his silence, and leaned back into the couch, glancing out the window. The evening sky was a soft mix of dark colors, but your mind kept drifting back to him. The way his demeanor shifted, how he seemed a little distant.

After a second, you decided to try again, pushing past the silence. "So, tell me about your career," you asked, your voice gentle but curious. "What’s it like—"

Before you could finish, Sae’s hand shot out, and in one swift motion, he grasped your chin, gently but firmly, and tilted your face towards his.

Your breath caught in your throat, and your heart skipped a beat. You were so close, your eyes wide in shock as you stared at him, feeling his breath against your skin. The moment hung between you like a fragile thread. You were frozen, not sure what was happening or what had made him do this.

He stared into your eyes, his gaze flicking briefly to your lips before meeting your eyes once more. Every movement of his felt deliberate, almost like he was studying you, and you couldn’t look away. It was as if the world had paused around the two of you, the silence between you thickening with each passing second.

You felt your heart pounding in your chest, its rapid beat deafening in your ears. It was as though your entire body was on edge, strung taut with anticipation, and yet you couldn’t move. You were frozen, caught in the intensity of the moment.

Sae shifted his grip, his fingers tracing your jawline before he cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing gently beneath your eye. The touch was soft, almost tender.

And that’s when you saw it—love.

You almost flinched at the thought. His eyes were so focused, so soft, as if they were seeing you in a way no one ever had before. There was something vulnerable in the way he looked at you, something raw.

Love?

The word echoed in your mind, heavy and foreign. You hadn’t used that word in so long, not with anyone. And certainly not with him. It was difficult to fathom that someone like Sae—so guarded, so distant—could feel that way, could look at you like this.

The panic started to rise in your chest. If this was what he felt—love—then what did that mean for you? For this? You weren’t sure if you were ready to love again. Not like this, not so suddenly, and not with someone who seemed so far removed from the idea of it.

It felt as though the weight of the world was pressing down on you, immense and overwhelming. Would you let him love you like this? Could you let him?

More importantly, could you let yourself love him?

You weren’t ready. Every thought in your mind screamed for you to pull back, to protect yourself from whatever this was. What if Sae broke you? What if you let yourself fall into this and it all came crashing down, just like before? You didn’t want to be broken again. You didn’t want to be tossed aside, left alone to pick up the pieces of a love that wasn’t real.

It hurt. The weight of your own fears, of what could happen, felt suffocating. You didn’t know what to do, torn between wanting to return his feelings and the fear of what would happen if you did. You wanted so badly to let love consume you, to let him pull you in, but you couldn’t ignore the voice that warned you against it.

What if he was just using you?

You couldn’t risk it. The idea of being hurt again, of losing yourself in someone else only to be discarded, was too much to bear. But still, the desire to let go, to give in, lingered within you like a quiet ache. Were you really this hopeless? Pathetic, even?

Tears threatened to spill as you felt Sae’s palm still resting against your face, his touch a tender reminder of everything you wanted but couldn’t allow yourself to have. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, but it was no use. The tears slowly began to fall, too overwhelming to hold back.

Sae’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight of you, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, his other hand moved to cup the other side of your face, his touch gentle and careful, as though he was afraid of breaking you, too.

With a softness that took you off guard, Sae wiped away the tears that slipped down your cheeks, his fingers brushing lightly against your skin. You didn’t know what to make of it. It was so different, so unexpected. No one had ever been this gentle, this affectionate with you before, not in the way Sae was. His touch felt like he was holding you together, not pulling you apart.

Sae’s gaze softened as he looked at you, his eyes full of something you couldn’t quite place—gentleness, sincerity, something that made your heart flutter in spite of the walls you had built. "Y/n," he whispered, his voice calm, almost tender. "Please don’t cry."

Quiet tears continued to fall, each one carrying the weight of everything you’d been holding back for so long. His thumb gently traced your reddened cheek, and his face leaned in closer, his presence both soothing and overwhelming. The warmth of his touch felt so different—so real.

"You don’t have to cry," he murmured again, his voice low and soft, carrying an unmistakable sense of care. "Y/n… I don’t know what happened for you to tear up like this, but I promise you… whatever happened in the past, I won’t replicate it." His words were sincere, the kind of promise that, for a brief moment, made the pain inside you seem a little more bearable.

For a split second, you searched his face, desperately trying to find any hint of insincerity, any trace of deception hidden beneath the calmness in his eyes. But there was nothing—nothing that suggested he was lying. His tone was steady, unyielding.

Could you trust him? Could you really let him in?

The vulnerability he was showing, the way he was looking at you, it warmed your heart in a way that felt so foreign. So safe. It was everything you didn’t know you needed, and yet it was right in front of you.

"You promise…?" Your voice was small, shaky, as the uncertainty you’d been carrying for so long finally slipped into your words.

Sae’s eyes softened even more, and he lowered his gaze slightly, as if he could feel the weight of what you were carrying, of the hesitation in your voice. He didn’t speak for a moment, just letting the silence stretch between you two, as if understanding how deep the scars of your past must have been.

Whatever had happened to you, whatever pain you’d endured before—it had clearly left a mark on you. A deep, unhealed wound that made it hard to trust, to let anyone close. Sae understood that, and for the first time, you saw that in his eyes: understanding, not judgment. Compassion, not pity.

"Yes," he finally said, his voice firm but gentle. "I promise."

The sincerity in his words felt like a lifeline, like the first breath of air after being submerged in water for too long. And in that moment, despite the storm of emotions inside you, you allowed yourself to believe him. Maybe you didn’t have all the answers, but you could take this one step.

You could let him in.

(Song recommendation: Im Yours - Isabel LaRosa)

Sae's smile softened at you, a warmth in his gaze that spoke more than his actions ever could. Then, without a word, he leaned in, slowly pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was soft at first, gentle as though testing the waters, but it quickly deepened as his hands moved to the side of your neck, holding you closer, grounding you in the moment.

Your hands instinctively moved to his chest, resting against the firm muscles you could feel even through his clothes. The warmth of his body against yours was intoxicating, and you couldn't help but be drawn further into him.

For a moment, Sae pulled away, just enough to catch his breath, but his eyes never left yours. And then, just as quickly, he recaptured your lips in his, this time more urgent, more insistent.

His tongue gently brushed across your lips, a silent request, and you gasped, heart racing at the intensity of it all. He took that moment to slip his tongue into your mouth, and it was like electricity sparked between you. His tongue moved against yours in a slow, deliberate dance, each movement an invitation to fall deeper into him, into this moment.

Everything else faded away. The world outside, the thoughts racing through your mind—none of it mattered now. All that existed was the heat between you two, the closeness that felt like it had been building for so long.

Sae groaned softly into your mouth, his hand threading gently through your hair, tugging just enough to send a shiver down your spine. There was hesitation in the movement, as though he was aware of the fine line between desire and discomfort, but the tension in his touch made your pulse race.

The gentle tug on your hair pulled you back slightly, causing your lips to break apart for a fleeting moment. But before you could gather your breath, Sae's lips were back on yours, this time with a bit more force, more urgency. The kiss deepened, and the pressure pushed you slightly back onto the couch. Sae didn’t hesitate—he used the shift in position to his advantage, quickly climbing over you, his body covering yours, pinning you gently but firmly to the soft cushions beneath.

His legs shifted, placing themselves outside of yours, trapping you in place with a controlled intensity that made your breath catch. His chest pressed against yours, the warmth of his body melding with yours as you felt his weight settle over you.

After a moment, Sae reluctantly detached his lips from yours, his breath coming shallow and quick. He gazed down at you, his eyes no longer just filled with tenderness or care. There was something new there. Something darker, deeper. Lust.

His voice was soft, almost hesitant, but there was an undeniable edge to it. "Y/n... would you let me?" he murmured, his gaze never leaving yours, his body still hovering over you, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off of him.

A wave of emotion swelled within you, something foreign and stirring. Sae had asked for permission—something none of the others had ever done. Usually, it was a matter of taking what they wanted without a second thought, but not Sae. His consideration, his respect, made you pause. Maybe this was different. Maybe this could be different.

Your heart fluttered, a warm smile spreading across your face as you met his gaze. "Yes, Sae. I will."

Sae’s smile mirrored yours, soft and genuine, before he placed a tender kiss on your cheek—a silent thank you. There was an unspoken understanding between you now, a connection that was more than just physical. It felt like trust, like a promise he was making without words.

He stood, slipping off his blazer with a fluid motion, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. Then, without hesitation, he pulled off his shirt, revealing his toned, muscular chest. The sight made your breath catch. He was... built. Strong, defined—everything about him was a reflection of strength, of control.

Your eyes lingered on his body, taking in every detail. You could feel the heat rise in your cheeks as you tried to focus, your heart racing in your chest.

Sae noticed your reaction, a playful chuckle escaping his lips. His eyes twinkled with amusement, yet there was something more behind his gaze, something deeper.

"Don’t worry," he murmured, his voice low and soothing, yet filled with a hint of confidence. "It’s all yours, Y/n. You’re going to have to get used to it."

Your cheeks burned with a deep blush at his words, but before you could process it fully, his lips were back on yours, pulling you into the kiss with a hunger that matched your own.

As the kiss deepened, your hands instinctively trailed up the firmness of his abs, feeling him shiver beneath your touch. The sensation of his skin under your fingertips made your pulse quicken. Sae groaned into your mouth, his tongue seeking entrance, and this time, you didn’t hesitate—your lips parted, allowing him to deepen the kiss.

It was a kiss that was both aggressive and tender. Sae’s neediness was noticeable, desperate even, but there was a gentleness in his touch, a carefulness that kept the intensity from crossing into something too overwhelming. He was savoring the moment, as if he was afraid of breaking something fragile.

His hand moved to the collar of your shirt, his fingers pausing, hesitating just for a brief second. He broke the kiss, his gaze locking with yours, silently asking for permission.

A soft laugh escaped your lips at the look in his eyes—this was different, this was him. There was no pressure, no rush. Just the quiet, mutual understanding between you two.

You nodded, giving him the confirmation he needed, and without another word, Sae yanked your shirt off in one swift motion, tossing it carelessly to the side.

Now, with both of you half-dressed, skin brushing against skin, the weight of the moment settled around you. Sae’s chest pressed against yours, his heartbeat as erratic as yours. The closeness was dizzying, but it felt right.

You shifted, slowly leaning up as you looked into his eyes, silently acknowledging what was next and what he wanted. Sae's gaze flickered down to you, a silent question in his eyes, asking if you were ready.

You nodded. Sae's hands trembled slightly as he reached behind you to unclasp your bra, the lacy garment falling away to reveal your perfect, plump breasts. His gaze raked over your exposed skin, drinking in every inch of you as he felt a familiar heat building low in his belly.

"Fuck, Y/N..." Sae breathed, his voice rough with desire. "You're so perfect."

He leaned down, his chest pressing against yours as he claimed your mouth in a bruising kiss. It was hungry and desperate, as if you were the only thing keeping him chained to this earth.

One large hand came up to cup your breast, thumbing over your nipple almost earnestly. Although being gentle, there was nothing gentle about the way he wanted to touched you - he wanted to possess you, to mark you as his and his alone.

A low groan escaped your lips at his touch, and Sae's cock twitched eagerly in response. The sound of your pleasure was like music to his ears, spurring him on.

Sae's hands continued their sensual massage of your breasts, thumbs circling your nipples until they pebbled beneath his touch. Each stroke of his fingers sent sparks of pleasure racing through your veins, stoking the fire building between your thighs.

Breaking away from your lips, Sae latched onto the smooth column of your throat, his mouth hot and demanding against your skin. He sucked and nipped, leaving a trail of marks in his wake as he made his way lower.

When he reached your breast, Sae took your nipple into his mouth, tongue swirling around the sensitive bud. He suckled greedily, the wet sound obscenely loud in the quiet room. Your back arched off the couch, a needy moan spilling from your lips.

He pulled off with a lewd pop, smirking up at you with pure, unadulterated lust. But there was something else in his eyes too - a tenderness, an adoration that made your heart skip a beat.

This time, you met his gaze head-on, not looking away. Because despite everything, despite the scars on your soul, you knew you were safe with him. Cherished.

Sae's smile widened as he took in the sight of you - flushed and panting, your body laid bare before him. He had done this, reduced you to a needy, senseless mess with just his hands and mouth.

"Look at you," he purred, fingers dancing along the hem of your pants. "So beautiful like this.”

He glanced up at you, seeking permission even in the heat of the moment. That was Sae - always making sure you were okay, that you wanted this as much as he did.

"Please," you breathed, lifting your hips in silent offering.

Something dark and possessive flashed in Sae's eyes as he slowly unbuttoned your pants, dragging the zipper down with agonizing leisure. He peeled the fabric away, leaving you clad in nothing but panties.

A noticeable dampness revealed your growing arousal, drawing Sae's attention. His breath hitched, his jaw tightening. An irresistible urge surged within him—he needed you.

Sae tossed your panties aside carelessly, leaving you completely exposed and vulnerable beneath his intense gaze. Every inch of your bare skin was on display for him, a feast for his hungry eyes.

Bending lower, he nuzzled into your inner thighs, kissing and licking a path towards your core. You trembled beneath him, hands fisting in the fabric as he inched closer to where you needed him most.

Your body jerked at the contact, instinctively trying to close your legs. But Sae's strong hands on your hips held you open, keeping you spread wide for his ministrations.

"Open for me, Y/N," he commanded, his voice a heady mix of sternness and care.

Obediently, you let your thighs fall open, granting him unrestricted access to your most intimate places. Sae grunted approvingly as he took in the glistening pink of your aroused sex.

Gripping your knees, he pushed your legs back and apart, forcing you into a position of total surrender. The new angle had your entrance on full display.

"So gorgeous, Y/n,” he murmured appreciatively. "And all mine."

Slowly, teasingly, he slid a single finger into your dripping core. Your back arched off the couch as pleasure sparked through you, a needy moan spilling from your lips.

Sae crashed his mouth to yours, swallowing your moans as he fingered you with increasing intensity. Your velvety walls gripped him like a depravity, fluttering and clenching around his plunging fingers.

"You're so tight," he grunted against your lips. “I love it. You’re so good to me Y/n.”

He curled them just right, rubbing mercilessly against that sensitive bundle of nerves deep inside you. Your hips bucked wildly, seeking more of that friction, chasing the pleasure only he could give you.

Sae obliged, plunging his fingers faster, harder, driving into your soaked heat with relentless precision. Lewd squelching noises filled the air as he fucked you with his hand, the vulgar sounds spurring him on.

"That's it, Y/n," he groaned roughly. " ‘m gonna make you feel good.”

He could feel you tightening, your inner muscles starting to flutter and ripple around him. Your moans grew higher, needier, and Sae knew you were close.

Sae's fingers stilled as he felt your walls start to quaver, signaling your impending orgasm. He slowly withdrew his hand, denying you that release.

Your eyes fluttered open, hazy with need and confusion. "Sae? Why did you stop?" you murmured breathlessly.

He smirked down at you, his voice low and commanding. "Not yet, Y/N. I want to feel you come undone on my cock."

With quick movements, Sae unbuckled his belt and shoved his pants down, kicking them off impatiently. He stood before you, clad only in a pair of straining boxer briefs. The sizeable bulge at the front left no doubt as to his arousal.

You sat up slowly, eyes widening as you drank in the sight of his powerful body. Sae's smirk widened at your reaction. He grabbed your hips, pulling you flush against him as he guided your hands to the waistband of his underwear.

"Pull them down for me, Y/N," he ordered, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Trembling with anticipation, you hooked your fingers under the elastic and slowly dragged the fabric down.

Your eyes widened as Sae's impressive length sprang free, bobbing mere inches from your face. It was thick and heavy, the bulbous head already glistening with precum. A thrill of excitement mixed with nervousness raced down your spine. Could you really take all of that?

As if sensing your hesitation, Sae cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. "Don't worry, Y/n. You can handle it," he reassured, his voice a low rumble. "I'll start slow, ease you into it.”

He pushed you back onto the couch, his larger body covering yours. You felt trapped beneath him, pinned in place by his solid weight. Sae reached between your bodies, grasping his throbbing cock and giving it a few slow strokes.

Then, with agonizing leisure, he placed the tip against your entrance. You held your breath, every muscle tensing in anticipation. This was really happening.

"Tell me when, Y/N," Sae murmured against your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. "Remember, I'm yours. You're in control here."

He sealed his lips over yours in a long kiss, his tongue delving deep inside. You moaned into his mouth, your hands fisting in his hair as you lost yourself to the sensation.

When he finally pulled back, you were both panting harshly. Sae's eyes bore into yours, dark with desire but also filled with a tender understanding. He would follow your lead, let you set the pace.

All you had to do was say the word.

“Make me feel good, Sae," you breathed against his lips, pulling him in for a quick, heated kiss.

"Of course. Anything for you," he murmured back, a small smirk playing on his lips.

Sae's tip nudged against your entrance, teasing you. You squirmed beneath him, aching to be filled. His large hands gripped your hips, holding you steady as he slowly pressed forward.

"If you need me to pause at any point, just say the word," Sae reassured, his voice low and soothing. "You can tell me anything, and I'll do it. This is all about you, Y/N."

You nodded, trusting him. Then, with a slow, deliberate push, Sae sheathed himself inside you. A low groan rumbled from his chest as your velvety walls stretched to adjust his girth.

He gave you a moment to adjust, peppering kisses along your jaw and neck as he waited patiently. When he started to move, it was with shallow, careful thrusts. Each roll of his hips sent sparks of pleasure shooting through your core.

Sae's breath came in ragged pants as he pounded into you, his brow glistening with sweat. Each thrust drew a groan from his lips, especially when your walls clenched around his throbbing shaft.

"Fuck, Y/N... so tight," he grunted, his pace growing more erratic. "Feels…amazing”.

You could only moan in response, your head thrashing on the fabric of the couch as he hit that perfect spot inside you over and over. The wet slap of skin on skin filled the room.

"S-Sae," you gasped out, wrapping your legs around his waist.

His name coming from your lips made him eager, slamming into you with ease. The new angle had him nailing your G-spot with overwhelming precision, sending bolts of electric pleasure zinging through your nerve endings.

Sae's breath came in harsh, ragged pants as he pounded into you, chasing his rapidly approaching climax. The way your walls clenched around his throbbing shaft, the sting of your nails scratching his back, the breathy cries of his name falling from your lips - it was all driving him wild with lust.

"S-Sae..." you stammered out, your voice high and needy. "I'm so close..."

He could see it in the glazed look of your eyes, feel it in the way your body was starting to tremble and tighten around him. Sae knew he wouldn't last much longer either.

"Me too, Y/n," he grunted, his movements growing sloppy and erratic.

With a final, powerful thrust, he buried himself to the edge, grinding against your G-spot. At the same time, he reached between your bodies to circle your swollen clit with his fingers.

Sae let out a low, satisfied groan as he felt your warm essence dripping down his softening cock. With a final, shallow thrust, he pulled out completely, shooting his load onto your lower abdomen.

Exhausted, he collapsed on top of you, nuzzling his face between your breasts. His arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close as he caught his breath. You both lay there in the afterglow, the only sound the soft panting and huffing filling the room.

No words were spoken for a long moment, the silence comfortable and intimate. You gently ran your fingers through Sae's hair, massaging his scalp soothingly. He let out a contented hum, burrowing further into your embrace.

“Sae..." you murmured softly, breaking the quiet.

"Hm?" he mumbled, his voice slightly muffled by your skin.

You bit your lip, suddenly feeling vulnerable. "Everything you said... did you mean it? About me being yours, and you wanting to take care of me and make me feel good?"

The words tumbled out in a rush, tinged with uncertainty. In the heat of passion, it had all seemed so real, so intense. But now, in the calm aftermath, doubt began to creep in.

Was it just dirty talk, empty promises made in the act of lust? Or had Sae truly meant every word, genuine in his desire to cherish and care for you?

You needed to hear him say it again, unclouded by the haze of sex. You had to know if this was something real, something that could grow into more than just a physical connection.

You held your breath, waiting for his response, your heart fluttering with a mixture of hope and fear.

Sae lifted his head from the plush of your breasts, his teal eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that stole your breath. "I meant every word, Y/N," he murmured, his voice low and earnest. "I'll take care of you, I promise."

A small, shy smile tugged at the corners of your lips, hope blooming in your chest. Sae's hand cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing tenderly over your cheekbone.

"I like you, Y/N. More than you know. Maybe even love,” he confessed, his gaze never wavering. "These past two months, spending every day with you at the bakery... I've fallen for you. Hard."

He let out a soft chuckle. "To be honest, you're the only reason I keep going there. Just to see you, to be near you, even if it's only for a few minutes."

Your heart swelled at his words, a warm sensation flowing through your entire being. This was everything you'd secretly hoped for, dreamed of, but never dared to believe could be real.

Until now.

Leaning into his touch, you let yourself get lost in the depths of Sae's eyes, seeing the sincerity and affection shining there. In that moment, you knew with absolute certainty what you wanted, what your heart craved.

You wanted this. You wanted him.

The walls you'd built around yourself, the barriers you'd made to keep people out and protect your fragile heart... they crumbled to dust, swept away by the force of your feelings for this incredible man.

Now, it was time to let him in, to entrust him with your heart and let yourself be loved in return. No more holding back, no more running from what you truly desired.

"Sae..." you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion. "I... I think I'm falling for you too. I want this, I want you. I'm ready to let you in.”

You gazed up at Sae, your heart swelling with a love so profound it threatened to burst from your chest. In his warm teal eyes, you saw a reflection of everything you'd ever wanted, everything you'd been searching for all these years.

Comfort. Affection. Devotion. Love.

With Sae, you felt safe, cherished, whole. Like all the broken, jagged pieces of your soul had finally clicked into place, forming a beautiful painting of love and trust.

"Let me be in your life, Y/N," Sae murmured, his voice raw with emotion. "Let me love you, the way you deserve to be loved."

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, overwhelmed by the depth of his words. How had you gotten so lucky, to find someone who saw past your walls, your wounds, straight to the tender heart underneath?

"And I shall let you love me, as I will love you, Sae," you whispered, a radiant smile blooming on your face.

This was everything you'd ever wanted, everything you'd never dared to dream possible. A love that healed, that uplifted, that made you feel invincible.

With Sae by your side, you finally felt complete. Like you'd found your home, your haven, your happily ever after.

"I'm yours," you breathed, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Now and forever."

Sae surged forward, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that poured every ounce of his love, his commitment, into the press of his mouth on yours. You melted into him, losing yourself in the exquisite taste of his devotion.

In that perfect moment, the rest of the world fell away. There was only you, only him, only the infinite love binding your hearts and souls together.

Forever and always.

a/n: omg im so sorry this took so long I didnt expect it to take a while😭

Btw sorry if the ending is rushed and crappy I just wanted to end it since it was getting too long. Plus…he was a bit too ooc for me🙁

I was originally going to make two parts but somehow I didn't so it took longer to post!!! I'm so sorry!!!

I should've made this a wattpad instead…yo wait hold up⁉️ I should make a wattpad‼️

Regardless…SAE IS SO FINE WHAT. He looks so scrumptious in these new bllk episodes😫 (Rin’s better tho. THE BETTER BROTHER!)

Yum😋

[iwriteasfotini]

A query about AO3 ratings and opinions about underage consensual sex in fanfiction.

My series begins in first year, so the rating will start teen and then progress as the kids age. My understanding is mature content shouldn't contain ANY sort of semi-graphic sexual content. But I also am writing two versions of the more descriptive sex scenes, one being what I consider explicit, even though it definitely isn't as hard core as it can go. And the other being... Well, I suppose less explicit...? I'm planning to rate the book explicit, and still offer the more descriptive chapters in a different location. As far as I remember, AO3 uses an honor system in declaring whether you are old enough to read explicit content.

Why bother, you may ask. And my answer is, it's underage consensual sex, which I feel might be a sticky topic (hmmm, yeah there's a pun there) for some people. Here's the thing. Sex is human, sexual development is a process which takes place during the teen years and beyond. And I feel to leave it out is inauthentic to these characters lives. I saw a fabulous post about how sex is often misrepresented in fanfiction. I'll just go ahead and say this is the case in all fiction people (anybody read ACOTAR?)! Duh, no one wants to read the reality of messy, awkward, not as mind blowing as you wished it was sex. We all get plenty of that in real life.

So, I wanted to write scenes which are still good (we are still in fantasy land after all), but show the characters learning about themselves, each other, consent, etc. And because I start they story when they are eleven, we watch them learn and adjust their attitudes over years before any of them actually start having sex. We get to see how each person/pair approaches it differently. The whole point of this post is I feel conflicted about the explicit rating because I wonder if it will exclude the exact audience I'm writing for. I'm writing for myself as a teen, what I wish I could have had access to through fiction. Something really enticing but also REAL. Like here's an often overlooked reality... Sex is always a bit messy no matter your anatomy/methods, and some sex isn't as messy as you think it might be. Why is this rarely included in published fiction and in fanfiction?

Anyways, I've tried to make my sex scenes as mild as possible without completely leaving it out. Really hard to do btw. And then my true explicit scenes are also not pornographic, because they are teens!!! Am I right in using an explicit rating for both situations? Better safe than sorry?

On a related note, is there a certain number of f-bombs you can drop in a story at various ratings? Have you ever hung out by a skatepark? Every other word those kids (and yes I meant kids, maybe tweens...) speak is a swear word, I feel like I'm actually using it in my writing very sparsely!

Reblogs are welcome to try and glean more opinions! Cheers

*If you think underage sex doesn't happen or have a place in fanfiction, we will just have to agree to disagree. I'm a parent and I will be far more focused on being the type of parent my child can come to with questions and curiosities about something they may have read or come across, than trying to keep that content away from them. Once a kid gets unsupervised internet access, you cannot pretend you are limiting what they are exposed to.

[normystical]

EDIT: Thank you all so much for helping me and teaching me these things! I don't believe I need any more information, at least not the basic stuff. I've censored the slur now that I know it's a slur.

Original post (for the most part):

I'm perisex and I just have a few questions regarding intersexism, though the first two are NSFW and the last is about a controversial fandom, I'm saying that [above the cut] first cuz I don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable

If you can't say AFAB or AMAB to refer to genitalia (e.g. "AFAB reader" tag on AO3), what simple term should I use instead? In case I ever theoretically write fanfic of that nature,,,

Since intersex people do NOT have two sets of genitals, does that mean f***** in fact IS a proper term?? I'm not into that stuff at all btw, I just find it a lil amusing, like that IQ bell curve meme (Like sometimes people use intersex instead of that term to be more supportive, but as far as I'm aware it's ironically quite the opposite)

In Helluva Boss, the imps have sexual dimorphism. The female imps have black horns with thin white stripes, and black hair. The male imps have white hair and the stripes on their horns are equally spaced. I thought the sexual dimorphism would be fun to play with. I initially came up with a gray-haired imp with the white horn stripes being not too thin, but not equal to the black either. Seeing now, though, that intersex people are actually highly unrepresented/misrepresented, and that apparently that there's so many possible variations, I wanted to maybe play around a bit more and come up with even more intersex imps. I just wanted some ideas approved by intersex people themselves tho.

Thank you guys sooo much in advance and I'm really really sorry if I offended anyone

[sonik-kun]

To say JC was disrespecting his sister's sacrifice by blaming WWX for her death is a bit of a reach, honestly. Especially since that's obviously his trauma speaking. Merely him trying to put the blame onto someone because sometimes, when we grieve, we feel better when there is someone to blame. Something to attribute those feelings to and hope that by hunting it down, maybe they'll finally go away? And that maybe he will finally get the answers and feelings of closure he yearns for when he does?

We see his conflicted feelings throughout the latter part of the story and how he struggled with them, after all (Which is another tragic aspect of his and WWX's character, which we can't ignore).

Even then, you could argue that in the moment, that was just how JC perceived and rationalised things. WWX did lose control at Nightless City. And whilst it wasn't intentional, and this time by the hands of someone else, rather than his own "zombies", we can see why JC would rationalise it to be WWX's fault. That's what trauma does to a person.

Also, the implications that JC sees his sister as some "commodity" is just wrong and unfairly misrepresenting his character, too. Sorry. Especially whilst he respected all of her wishes throughout. Be it her choice to marry JZX or not, despite JC and WWX hating the dude.

Allowing her that choice to either reject the arrangement (which was hugely beneficial for the sect btw and something families did back then), or accept it by choice is a big deal for a dude of that period tbh. Especially whilst JC effectively had "control" over his sister (which again, he never exercised. She was always the big sister to him, whose word he respected. We see this when he confides in her during the search for WWX during the war). So no. She wasn't a commodity for him. JC started a siege over this woman. He loved her dearly and to reduce their relationship to something so surface level is disingenuous and so not what the author wanted to convey in her work. Js.

To sum up, whilst JC was factually wrong to accuse WWX of the death of his sister, we can see beneath the surface why he reached that conclusion, regardless of the facts.

Context matters greatly here. And WWX did inadvertently bring that threat to them. What doesn't help is also the events that took place before this.

WWX refused to open up to JC when prompted. He kept things from him prior to the incident and just.. Looked culpable as heck for everything despite actually being innocent (especially since this took place not long after the death of his brother in law which was apparently by WWX's hands). All feelings of confusion, anger and grief were bound to mount up and unfortunately, WWX was going to be the outlet for all that because behind it all, there he was. Looking responsible for all that went wrong for JC (despite us as the reader knowing that there's more to the situation than that and that wasn't true. But remember, JC doesn't see what we see. So it's only natural he's going to attribute all that's gone wrong in his life to the man that was always there, somehow at the core of it -ahem. No pun intended there!-).

But all this aside, you've got to remember that JC does let WWX go in the end anyway. He drops all feelings of malice as the truth comes out and he learns that WWX wasn't actually fully responsible for everything he accused and hated him for.

To still hate JC for initially blaming WWX for the cause of JYL's death is a bit silly tbh, especially when they effectively closed that chapter at the end of the book and moved on anyway.

JC doesn't pursue him anymore for answers and nor does he continue to hold him accountable for everything. To bring up his old feelings when the book is finished and all has been put to bed is unfair tbh. Especially when some of you won't even put yourself in JC's shoes and try to come to understand how he came to that conclusion in the first place.

[mdhwrites]

So, how does Discord from MLP fare as a chaotic god creature who gains redemption from friendship? Considering your issues with The Collector, what made the idea that Discord could be redeemed by Fluttershy's friendship work better?

So, the ask that caused me to finish watching the finale. Let's do this. *cracks neck*

Discord is less human and empathetic.

That... Is actually most of it which I know probably sounds a little weird. After all, shouldn't a kinder character be easier to redeem? Shouldn't it be more satisfying to see them change from their negative influences? Well... Yes. For most characters.

Discord and The Collector are not most characters. They're all powerful gods who mostly get enjoyment from chaos and causing problems. You inherently need a different approach to how they function when it comes to their morality. After all, neither one sees the death or loss of autonomy for a massive amount of people as a big deal so long as they had fun. That hedonism is a core part of both characters.

And this is where the Collector's humanity becomes a problem for the reason why it works with Discord: When Discord fucks over Fluttershy in his redemption, he doesn't expect her to be fair. To be good to him. His expectation, and desire even because of how he sees things, is that she'll snap. She'll get mad, break her word, and he'll be proven right about how all of this is bullshit. Sure, he probably gets turned to stone again but he's immortal. Time doesn't matter as much victory does. Even better if she snaps but keeps her word while swearing him up and down because now he gets to do what he wants.

But... He doesn't get that, does he? She keeps her word... But cuts ties. Doesn't get mad (and sorry if I'm misrepresenting any of this), doesn't throw a fit, doesn't do much of anything. Instead, she lets him know this isn't what friends do, that they aren't friends anymore, and leaves.

He won... But didn't get a prize. Didn't get the reward of breaking Fluttershy's patience. Doesn't get the reward of moral superiority because she dropped her mask and that's a CRUCIAL part of this. He NEVER believed that Fluttershy was being sincere. In his eyes, no one ever is. His chaos is actually revelatory more than anything else to him. Push someone to brink and where do their allegiances lie. That's literally what he does when he first shows up in S2 and shows how weak the element bearers can be when pitted against their own desires and vices. All but Fluttershy who annoyed him because she wouldn't play ball. She stuck to being kind.

I'm actually kind of loving how I expected to say I didn't think Discord's redemption was great but I actually love how even back in his first appearance, you can see the blocks they built on for it. But... why does this redeem him then?

Well because it proves him wrong and gives him something he's never had: A friend. Someone who doesn't wear a mask with him. Someone who genuinely cares about him. He's never had that and so yeah, he's free forever since the elements won't be used against him but... In return, he never gets the kindness he just finally experienced. A kindness that by the show's logic is the most powerful thing in the universe, literally. And so he decides that the only way to win is to lose and gives up so he can be friends with Fluttershy.

All of this btw explains why he never bothers trying to connect with the rest because he just sees them as masks which helps keep him antagonistic, even if he's not a villain now.

So what does this all have to do with The Collector? Well, see, with Discord, before his change, you could never win making a deal with him. You don't matter to him so you actually have to exchange something. With the Collector... You matter.

People matter to him... Which makes EVERYTHING he does WAY WORSE.

And this isn't even about killing people. For as fucking stupid as him not knowing what death is, and just a straight up lie by the show that goes fucking nowhere and has no payoff, that is not actually important here. Sure, it shows a lack of understanding to what he does, but the dehumanization is enough. He does horribly monstrous things to EVERYONE on the Isles. Full stop. He is a monster and this link takes you to something more comprehensive on that.

And he does that... While understanding his actions upset others and that he doesn't like that.

The smoking gun here is the line "King will hate me now." He knew going in that the dreams would piss off King. That hurting Eda and Luz had consequences. Consequences HE DIDN'T WANT. Discord thought there was no losing play because he could not imagine actually hurting Fluttershy in a way that mattered to him. It is VERY easy for the Collector. It's actually why King has so much power over him. He is desperate to keep his friend around.

But if he can recognize the humanity in one person, why can't he for literally anyone else?

And that's the killing blow. Even if you buy into EVERYTHING about the death stuff, he still knows he's doing monstrous things. That he has done monstrous things. This is why he doesn't like King reading about his brothers. Admittedly, you also have a moment like him asking for Grudgby buddies but... Why? The evidence is overwhelmingly stacked that he knows the people hate him. Otherwise he wouldn't have stars hunting and making people into dolls. Making them into nothing but toys instead of even giving them a chance to be his friend. Terra and Odalia live in fear of annoying him AT ALL and getting turned into a puppet, which happens to Terra. He treats people TERRIBLY... While knowing what he does is wrong.

While knowing King doesn't like this. That he doesn't like how King looks at him in those moments. He himself in the finale admits that the friendship is a lie and it hurts but he'd rather have that than not have a friend. But... He's been at this for months. He has been doing these things, with King by his side, for MONTHS.

Why did none of these people get even a chance? What is the underlying philosophy for the Collector? That he thinks they'll lie and cheat with him? It's not like King wasn't getting something out of their deal so King should be just as untrustworthy as everyone else. More so honestly because he IS immune to his magic so the Collector is defenseless if King decides to shove him back into the mirror. But... He gives King a chance. And he needs proof to believe that someone is out to get him. That's why Belos needs to have him check on King. He doesn't assume people are lying like Discord does.

And also... What does he get out of fucking with people? Discord genuinely takes pleasure in your misery. In you losing your mind. We get the death games in the finale but why that scale? Why the unfair rules? He's cheating like he accuses others of doing. But... He wants others to be honest with him. Discord lies because he doesn't expect anyone to bother being honest with him, not if they can get something out of lying.

That's why I describe it as the Collector being too human. He is too genuinely a person to have his crimes be as easily dismissed. For a simple shift in outlook, one thing proving his hypothesis wrong, to be what changes him.

Mind you... That doesn't happen either. The Collector isn't redeemed in the TOH finale. The one rushed part of the finale is when he should have been convinced that Luz was right. When he should have apologized for what he'd done or done a grand gesture to show he had changed how he viewed things. Instead, there's brief talk about forgiveness and kindness, which is not what the Collector is actually asking for because he claims during this section to not have actually done anything wrong (refer to everything above), he mumbles about it, and then I guess his big redemption moment is trying to use the theory on Belos. Except, you know... He spends the entire episode wanting to make friends. He is told a way to make friends and bluntly uses it like he did Belos' plans that started the episode and the death games. He hasn't grown or changed which is probably why the moment is treated as a complete joke. Then Luz dies ten seconds later and I guess figuring out that death exists SCREAMS makes him go save people. Hurray?

It's bad. At least Fluttershy's moment was genuinely built up. They showed how Discord viewed things and then presented a choice that actively asked that he either stay to his old mindset and beliefs or change to face a scarier, uncertain future. The Collector is still mostly just going off of "Friends are great! Do what makes you friends the easiest!" which isn't a new mentality for him. I guess you MAYBE get it when he fucks off in the end but also not really. Kind of like how Luz gave the demon realm a middle finger, him leaving without actually fixing like 90% of the damage he did, something that would be really easy for him but takes the citizens of the Isles FOUR YEARS, feels a lot more like that. Like these people don't like him, won't be his friends, so he tries a new planet instead. Maybe with a bit less forcing people to be his friend but why? His viewpoint seems to still be what it always has been, especially since he DOESN'T stick around to try actually be King's friend. To actually work with him and give him agency. He does all he has to to not make King hate him and then... Leaves. Instead of, you know, actually putting the work in which would have taken one line of "The Collector agreed to a power dampener to help everyone else feel a bit easier and is now working with King on what their friendship will be instead of telling him how it will be." Maybe even with showing him losing at Jenga, King getting nervous but then the Collector just laughs it off because he doesn't need to be in control anymore. He can lose and still be happy.

And again: This is the ONE part of the finale that's actually rushed. For as painfully slow and wasteful as the rest is, redeeming the Collector was just left on the chopping room floor I guess. Then again, that happened with Amity too, who never makes up for the bullying she did or actually apologizes for the years of bullying, just for the original sin (and then leaves Willow high and dry). It also happened with Hunter who always states very selfish motivations for wanting to be away from Belos and never actually disavows the things he did or the mindset he did them with. It's why I say he left Belos just because otherwise he'd be dead because it all still feels self serving. It doesn't feel like his worldview or his morality actually changed besides understanding his uncle wanted him dead.

TOH is just bad at redemption. At actually changing a character and having them rebuke their past. At least with Discord, the show is bluntly honest about even the initial attempt having a carrot on a stick for him. That if he doesn't play nice, it's back into the statue. It's why it's important that that carrot is gone in his moment of redemption. We know what he wants: Freedom and Chaos. Fluttershy won't put him back into the statue so he has those. But he chooses friendship instead because they've genuinely changed his mind and so he gives up both some of his freedom, and some of his chaos, to behave and play nice, even when Fluttershy had no reason to actually be nice to him even when he changed everything back in the end. He could have just lost. He didn't have to be honest and straightforwardly kind to another, things that the episode itself was asking whether or not it was possible for him to do.

There just isn't anything like that with the Collector and reminder: Discord is redeemed in his second appearance. He gets an hour of airtime where he can even show up before this happens. The Collector has more time to be fleshed out, genuinely, than Discord did. But... The Collector doesn't actually change. He might claim it but we don't see that. We don't see him do anything that would actually sell us on him having changed his worldview. After all, he forgave the Titans by still wanting to befriend one. He showed plenty of kindness to King with stuff like not forcing him to give Francois.

He already was like this so why does the little trip down memory lane do anything? Especially when for most of it, King, Eda and Luz are barely paying attention to him so the writers can circle jerk about the plans they had or about the amazing story they made. Even his big moment is undercut by being a joke. By obviously being the wrong move and then costing Luz her life. Just another dumb plan he enacted because someone told him it would get him friends.

That's not different and unfortunately it doesn't fix the awful things he did to others. The things he knows were wrong that he did. Discord never had to apologize for it because he'd never thought of them as wrong. Not until the moment everything changed for him.

Nothing changed for the Collector. Not a single thing.

======+++++======

Something that is just kind of an undercurrent of this but that I cannot stress enough for why the two are different: Discord can do what he does so quickly because he is a genuinely consistent character with clear goals and motivations. Meanwhile, the Collector is maybe the most inconsistent character I have ever seen which kind of makes redemption impossible in the first place. How do you redeem a character who seems to change core elements of himself every episode?

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[piosplayhouse]

what are your controversial wwx views? 👀 (asking as a fellow controversial wwx view-haver)

In the grand scheme of things I personally think my opinions are pretty lukewarm but I got a lot of shit a while back for making a post saying that it's important to acknowledge that wwx has privilege as a male cultivator member of the gentry and certified genius, and that that's important because even though he knows that his position in society is extremely tenuous and that so many people are willing to fight to force him to lose it, he still chooses to stand up for those even lower in society (in that post I was thinking specifically of the women in mdzs, particularly the brothel women because they're basically never considered). And then? A bunch of people started shittalking me because apparently wwx is the most underprivileged character in the story? And he's lower status than even the non cultivating sex workers because he was homeless as a kid?

I'm also neutral-positive on Jiang Cheng and made the great sin of making a completely neutral poll asking for people's opinions on him correlating with if they grew up with siblings and got a bunch of accusations of being a wwx anti, rigging the poll, and misrepresenting the answers (the results of which were completely even btw) based off . The fact I used a picture of grapes as the poll banner. Yeah . Wwx was never mentioned in the poll at all also. You can probably still find all that shit if you search my username, anons were just fully accidentally pinging me and everything, it's why I don't name search any more even though I know some people make posts based off my ideas but are afraid of pinging me (don't be btw!!! Please ping me 🥺🥺)

I actually really didn't like wwx in my first read-through of mdzs because I really related to teen lwj and felt very personally about the idea of overly pushy boundary breaking teenager attitudes, but I definitely grew to like him lol. I don't know how much that shows through in my posts, I think I've made a few comments about thinking that he was definitely a little bit of a dick as a teen but I don't know how controversial that is

So overall I'm sorry to disappoint, not very controversial opinions, but I've gotten so much grief for them anyways you'd think I posted some shit like wwx is my least favorite character in all of fiction 😵‍💫😵‍💫 there's probably more stuff that could be considered controversial but I'm so disconnected from mdzs fandom at this point that I don't really know what the general consensus is. I'd love to hear yours though!!!! Feel free to anon or message or whatever you feel comfortable with, I won't judge

[bluegekk0]

he's just so round. it's very hard to describe the emotion his roundness evokes, it's just,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

little mud man.

the most cutest little baby killer.

aw, thank you for this. i appreciate it, i really do. though i would like to take this as an opportunity to rant a little bit about the last part, i hope you don't mind

the whole "child murderer" thing really irks me personally. and not because i want to pretend like the vessel thing didn't happen and pk is innocent, no. he still did that, their blood is still on his hands, it's a crucial part of his character that you just can't take away. it's more that i believe that label kinda misrepresents what actually happened. "murder" implies something premeditated, out ot of malice. and that's just doesn't fit him. his hand was forced by the infection, he wasn't killing vessels himself because he felt like it, hell, they weren't really meant to be living, feeling things by design. of course, that was a cruel misconception, and i personally see that as his fault. that he either lied to himself about it to make himself feel better, or let them all die knowing that they might actually be alive. it also connects to people saying that he would toss them into the abyss if they were impure and that's just... not what happened? i see this idea everywhere and it confuses me, cause even the game itself heavily implies that the vessels either died after hatching (from eggs which were already placed down in the abyss) or because they failed the climb and fell to their deaths

was what he did fucked up? absolutely, no doubt about that, he's not innocent and i will not act like he is, no matter how cute and pudgy and sad i make him in my au (which, btw, still revolves heavily around his guilt and self loathing about all the deaths he's responsible for, even if most content i draw of it is wholesome or silly). but if you're gonna call him out, i feel like it would help if it was more nuanced than just calling him a baby murderer with a buzzsaw obsession

and on a side note. it would also help greatly if people recognized that the white lady was just as responsible for the vessels and, by proxy, their deaths. i swear, the amount of "wl is so sweet and is such a good mom to the vessels" stuff i see, while wholesome, also kinda baffles me. cause i feel like people forget that she was equally responsible for that plan, and on top of that, doesn't even seem particularly emotionally attached to the vessels even when we meet her. like, come on, not even a "i'm sorry for leaving you and your siblings to die in the abyss"? anything? just "hey so your sibling kinda failed. go take their place ok thanks bye"? okay then. real sweet of you, mom

no shade towards wl or people who like that content, of course, i enjoy that stuff as well, i just feel it's a bit unfair to give pk all the shit and then turn around and spread wholesome mom wl content around, ya feel me? just... keep them both accountable. they're both guilty

nothing against you, the person who asked, btw. no bad feelings about your ask either, it's just something that's been on my mind for a long time and i guess this was a good opportunity to talk about it. hope you have a great day! and thanks for the ask

[gagfadget]

People LOVE misinterpreting Black folk. I have a friend who's been the victim of a years long harassment campaign that has devolved into the craziest shit ever because she posted a take that was immediately misinterpreted by all the YT folk around her. Black trans woman btw, and the harassment campaign has got people convinced she's a TERF, lying about her age, secretly pretending to be trans, a kiwi farmer. Like you name it, they've said it about her. The most outlandish shit, all for being Black and daring to make a tweet. Like she literally got outed to her mother and doxxed over that stuff. The absolute abysmal treatment of Black folk on the internet is so depressing.

Oh my god I’m so sorry that happened to your friend! And yeah it is very easy for people to misrepresent what we’re saying for their own gain and clout so they can feel like they can get their chance to scold us.

For tvc fandom, I feel like a lot of them aren’t used to being in a fandom with a lot of black people in it and so they’re unfamiliar with the way black ppl in fandom approach texts. The black ppl in this fandom are very analytical and they love meta especially because we’re watching a show about racism and vampirism and how the two interact with each other. We are able to speak more on this and we are able to pull from our experience and pull from our history whenever we discuss this show and some of the white/nonblack book part of fandom do not get that some of the things they say are just flat out wrong or missing the point of what show Louis is trying to convey and the black fans have more of an understanding and more nuance with things that that book side may be confused about because this is our lived experience. They aren’t used to black people telling them to shut up when they say something racist and they’re view on what is racist is very skewed. They don’t see how saying things like “show Louis is inferior to book Louis” and then putting that in the tag for show fans to see is racist. They don’t get how annoying it is to go out into the world as a black person and then coming online only to see that. It’s frustrating and our frustration is always seen as an attack and never as an invitation to self reflect.

I’m tired so I may not be putting this in the best way but yeah 💀

[thepixelelf]

btw, would you ever consider writing something where the reader is hard of hearing and chooses not to wear hearing aids most of the time? as you can imagine the kpop community is very exclusive with regards to deafness, blindness, chronic illness, that sort of thing, but... there are people who can enjoy the music videos and variety content and even listen to the music if they're not profoundly deaf (which most deaf people are not! there are lots of people who are just very very hard of hearing and identify as Deaf because they don't want to explain everything to everyone, complete deafness is pretty rare) and people who can enjoy the music even if they're totally blind (again, much rarer than you would think!)... deaf, blind, and chronically ill people basically don't get representation here and it's really sad.

sorry for the block of text! i hope your day goes well, and i always enjoy your writing ☺️

I'm sorry to hear about that kind of exclusion anon :( yeah, unfortunately any depiction of "y/n" cannot be 100% inclusive, especially regarding stuff like deafness, blindness, and chronic illnesses... I wish I could say I had an answer to that :(

But aside from that, yes, I would be open to writing a hard of hearing character if requested! My requests aren't open all the time, but sometimes I post request games asking for certain prompts like colours, pictures, dialogue, etc. If you or anyone wanted a request with a character who has a generally excluded feature (like deafness), just let me know in that request!

I think my only hesitation comes from a fear of misrepresenting or offending anyone... I have no experience with any of the things you've listed, and I'd be a little scared to write something ignorant. I'd try to do research, yes, but I'm honestly not the smartest person you'll ever meet..... and now I sound like I'm making excuses. Anywho, I'm still open to trying my best!

If you ever want to DM me about the topic, please do!

Thanks so much for enjoying my work, and I hope in the future the community is more accepting towards all fans!! 💕💕

[demonicheadcanons]

RFA and V and Saeran being cheated on by MC

(AN: Remember, cheating is wrong guys. Don’t cheat on your partner(s). I’ve never been in the position of being cheated on, nor have I ever cheated on anyone, so I’m sorry if I write this at all poorly or mis-portray it in any way.

I should note that after each incident in all of these, MC leaves the RFA, or is just straight up kicked out of it. They will not stand for anything like this to happen.)

(Edit: This is very, very long. It’ll take some time to read through these haha. It’s just under 7200 words overall)

Zen

He wanted to trust you

But you were never at home any more. You were constantly on your phone at work, and you seemed to have very little time to spend with him nowadays. You blamed it on your managerial duties, but he knew you were much more organised than that, because just two months ago you had made a rota showing exactly when you would do work so that the two of you had free time to spend together

You’d disappear at night and would show up half-drunk in the morning, acting as if nothing had happened, and he was starting to get scared. His trust faltered and he didn’t really know what to do, not being a particularly confrontational person, especially seeing as he loved you so much he didn’t want to even think you could be doing anything behind his back

One day he decides to ask you what’s up, if everything is okay, but you swear up and down everything is fine, and he relaxes a bit, because surely his MC would never lie to him?

But then one day he’s dragged out to spend time with Seven and Yoosung (Zen was acting completely uncharacteristically, retreating into himself, lacking any real confidence). And then he sees you sitting in the café, giggling as the person across from you leans across the table to give you a quick kiss

Seven had noticed as soon as they had walked in, but Yoosung was still clueless. Seven was trying to get him and Zen out of the café, but Zen wasn’t having any of it

“Hey babe, you weren’t at work today,” he calls, walking over to you. You jolted back from the person you were sitting with, and stare at him, eyes wide with fear, almost looking upset, but mainly just guilty. “Hey, who’s this? You should’ve told me you wanted to go out to a café babe, I would’ve totally loved to come with you.”

You sit blushing and scared, unsure of what to do, as Seven and Yoosung walk up. Yoosung looks terrified now, looking anywhere but at MC. People are starting to quiet down a bit to listen in to what’s happening, many of them recognising Zen

Seven looks really, really pissed off, but he’s trying to diffuse the situation by getting Zen out of there. Zen stands his ground and glares at you and the person you’re with

“What do you mean, ‘babe’?” the person asks, glancing between Zen and you, clearly just pretending to be clueless about the situation, and Zen picks up on it immediately

“Oh, don’t even start. Everyone knows we’re dating, it’s been spread about everywhere,” Zen growls, lowering his voice so as not to cause too much of a scene. You tries to get up and raises your hands defensively, but Zen just takes a step back

“I tried everything to make you happy. I guess you’ll just never be satisfied with anything,” he tells you, turning on his heel. Before he leaves, he turns back and, although he’ s still angry, he just smiles at you. “You can come collect your stuff within this next week. After that, I’m throwing it all out.”

And then he leaves, and he just breaks. Seven and Yoosung rush him to Seven’s car, where he just starts sobbing and he curls up into himself and won’t speak for a long time. He loved you so much, how could you do this to him? Was he not good enough? He had dedicated so much of his time, love, and attention to you, and yet...

The look in your eyes when you had kissed that other person, he hadn’t seen that look in over a month. You had been growing more and more distant from him, he should’ve known

And almost as if he can read Zen’s thoughts, Seven turns around and tells him, “It’s not your fault, it’s yours, okay? You couldn’t have prevented this, nor could you have found out about it any earlier. Let’s go get some ice cream.”

Zen just nods and fights to regain his composure. He’s an actor, he can put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay, and no one would ever be able to see how broken he had just become inside

Yoosung

He was sitting playing LOLOL with his headphones on when you had gotten up and left the room, talking into your phone quickly and quietly. He couldn’t make out the words, you knew this, and so he just assumed you were taking a standard phone call

Until he saw that little smirk on your face as you glanced back at him, unaware he was watching you as you left. He smiled casually at you, and you quickly smiled back. Everything was fine

Right?

He messaged his guild, telling them he’d be right back, that he just needed to go talk to his partner, and then silently removed his headphones and got up

Surely he was just being paranoid, and everything was okay, but he was getting more and more nervous as he got closer and closer to the door to your shared bedroom. He put his ear up to it and listened, feeling guilty for eavesdropping, but he had to be sure things were okay

“Babe, I told you, you can’t call me when I’m at home. What if Yoosung finds out about us?.. Yeah, I will, I will... I love you, I promise, it’s just not easy because we’re married...”

You were talking in a hushed voice into your phone. He swallowed hard and opened the door, tears already forming in his eyes, but he was more angry than anything else in that moment

“MC... who are you talking to?” he asked, studying you carefully for anything to tell him that what he heard wasn’t real, that you were his with all your heart

But you just looked scared and guilty. A silence followed, and it seemed to drag on forever as Yoosung felt the tiny cracks slowly and steadily form across his heart, one by one, each sending a wave of pain through his body

“Get out.”

It’s barely a whisper when he speaks, but he knows from the look on your face, that pained look, that you heard him. How dare you act as if he’s hurt you, after what he just heard

“Yoosung, sweetheart... don’t do this,” you tried to beg, but he was done

“I said get out, MC. You have half an hour to pack whatever you need for the time being, you can come and get the rest of your stuff some other time, next week or something. Just... just get out of my sight, okay?!”

He turns and storms out of the room, fighting to keep the tears at bay, quickly wiping away the few that spill over his eyelids and run down his cheeks. He gets his phone and texts Seven, asking him to come over in about an hour or so

You follow along behind him for a little bit, begging him to just listen and telling him you love him and you’re sorry, but you quickly realise he doesn’t actually give a shit and that he’s counting down the minutes until you leave

You stand at the door with a suitcase in one hand and your bag in the other, staring at him nervously, biting your lip. He doesn’t even glance up at you, not until after he hears the door shut behind you. And then he waits until he hears you walk away. And then he bursts into tears, sitting at his desk, his arms crossed on it and supporting his head

He hears the door open not long later. Only you, him and Seven have a key to the place. He quickly wipes his eyes and looks up to see Seven looking at him, clearly very concerned

He drops the bag he’s holding on the sofa and in a second he has his arms wrapped around Yoosung in a tight hug, telling him it’s okay if he needs to cry, and asking if he can explain what’s wrong (“but it’s okay if you can’t right now. I’m here for you.”)

Seven stays with him for the next week, and when you come back to get your things, he stands firmly by Yoosung, stopping you from trying to come up with some kind of excuse for your actions

He even invites Yoosung to move in with him and Saeran, telling him it’d be so cool for the three of them to live together. He could use his special gaming equipment to play LOLOL (though god knows Yoosung doesn’t need to play any more of that – he’s barely showered or eaten in the last week, he’s just sat at his computer blankly playing LOLOL. Even his guild noticed something was up because he just seemed to be barely functioning)

Seven’s there for him every step of the way, and Yoosung knows this, but he struggles to pull himself together. He avoids all the places the two of you used to go together, gets rid of any photos of you together, and just breaks inside completely. He becomes a shell for a while before finally moving in with Seven and Saeran and returning to his old self a bit, with help from all the RFA members, but there’s still a pain there when he thinks about you. He feels as if he’s not enough for anyone anymore, and avoids dating for a long time, feeling like a toy that’s been chewed up and thrown away

Jaehee

(I’m not so sure how to write her yet, sorry if this is really OOC)

She notices you act odd around this one person who comes into the café every week

They start coming daily, and you spend longer and longer talking with them. You seem to form several inside jokes with them

Jaehee trusts you wholeheartedly and doesn’t think much of it, and she’s actually happy that you’re making such close friendships with customers

Actually tells you this to your face, ignoring that slight bit of guilt that shows in your eyes. It’s nothing, you’re probably just embarrassed by her compliments

But then you just seem to be getting closer and closer to this one person in particular, going so far as to touch each other casually at times, and even though it’s just light taps on the arms or shoulders, Jaehee can feel herself start to get uncomfortable

She isn’t sure what to do or what she’s feeling, and she wants to stay professional with the others so she doesn’t bring it up to anyone and just lets it fester

And then one day she’s out stocking up a few things for the house so that she can make you both something nice to eat after a long week of work, and she sees you with that one customer. Maybe you two just bumped into each other?

And then she notices you’re holding hands

And then she sees you lean in for a kiss

She turns around and leaves. When you get back to the apartment later, everything is all set and packed for you to leave, and she’s sitting with his arms crossed, staring at a blank TV and waiting for you to arrive. When you walk into the room, she calmly stands up and turns to face you, straightening down her skirt with her hands

“Hello, MC,” she says coldly, the warmth she had come to develop when around you completely gone. “I’ve packed your things for you. I hope your new partner allows you to move in with them, because you certainly aren’t staying here.”

You just stare at her, acting confused, but she stares back, calmly and coldly. She isn’t taking any nonsense, and she isn’t changing her mind on this

“Oh, and don’t bother coming to work on Monday. Or ever again, really,” she adds, turning away and sitting back down. “We can sort out any legal issues later, but for now, I want you to leave.”

She faces the other way until you leave, until the door closes, until the tears start spilling and she shuts her eyes tight, hugging herself and praying for this to all be a dream. She isn’t sure who to turn to, and she spends the next day on her own watching Zen’s musicals before actually messaging him and explaining what’s up

He comes over immediately, and the two sit on her sofa, just close enough for comfort but not close enough to be touching. He gets her to explain the situation, and then tells her that she mainly needs to remember it’s not her fault, and that it’s impossible to be able to know. It was great of her to have trusted you, and it was your fault for breaking that trust

She puts on a brave face and tells customers that you simply quit when they ask where you went, but they seem to be able to tell that something has happened. The person you cheated on her with never shows up again, and you quietly sort out all the legal issues over short phone calls and e-mails. The rest of the RFA find out about what happened, and Jaehee finds it entertaining when they have a whole chat just dedicated to telling her she’s great and that you’re a jerk for cheating on her

Zen does everything he can to bring her confidence back up, and over time it helps, but she can’t ignore the pain in her chest whenever she’s reminded of you. She still has days where she just feels empty, staring into the distance, unable to truly focus on anything. Eventually she moves, relocating the store and such so that she can change things up, getting rid of any reminders of you. She doesn’t see you around anymore, and she stops talking to you, and slowly she recovers

Jumin

He notices right away when you begin to grow more distant, and he asks you about it, but you brush him off. You go out a lot more now, and he gets worried for your safety, because there could still be people out there after you

So one day he sends out a bodyguard to follow along behind you, making sure you don’t notice, just so he can be sure that you are safe (and also that you’re not cheating on him, because he would definitely be worried about that – he’s scared he isn’t and never will be good enough for you)

The body guard comes back before you with a sour look on his face. He holds up his phone, showing pictures of you with someone else, laughing and having fun and holding hands and kissing

Jumin asks him to print the pictures out for him, before thanking him and asking him for some time to be alone. The guard asks what they should do about you, but he just tells him to let you in as normal and pretend all is okay.

He sits on the sofa with his head in his hands before texting Jaehee, asking if she can reschedule his meetings for today and tomorrow. She doesn’t seem happy about it, but he just texts ‘please, Jaehee’, and she seems to get that something is up and tells him to take care of himself, and that she will attend in his place where possible

He sits there for what feels like forever until he hears the door open, and hears you call his name. When you get to the room you look so happy and giddy, and he just turns around a gives you the coldest, saddest look you’ve ever seen. Your face falls, and you start to sweat and glance around

“Is something wrong, Jumin?” you ask innocently, approaching him slowly

He raises a hand, signalling for you to stop where you are, and stands up himself. He walks over close to you, pushes the printed photos into your hands, and glares at you as you look down at them and take a step back from him when you realise what they are

“Jumin... how did you get these photos?”

You look so scared and nervous and he is torn in two, half of him wanting to pretend nothing happened and protect you and make sure you’re okay, the other half bubbling with rage and wanting to just yell at you. However, he takes a deep breath and calms himself, knowing he must remain as civil as possible

“You could have told me you were unhappy, MC,” he begins, staring you in the eyes the entire time he speaks, seemingly unfazed, although you can see the little bit of pain in his eyes that he doesn’t have the energy to mask. “I would have done anything for you, you know that, and if things weren’t working out, you could have left. You are no different from everyone my father tries to get me to be with, using me for your own personal joys and ignoring how I feel. And you thought I would put up with that?”

“Jumin, I didn’t mean to-“

“No, MC. You clearly meant to. You don’t just accidentally cheat on someone. You put in a conscious effort to do this, to sneak out and to distance yourself from me. I have noticed the change in behaviour, that is why I had you observed today, and I was right. Now, we need to explain housing arrangements and such, because you can’t stay here, and you need to explain the situation to them. I assume they know about us being together?”

You nod quietly and he pushes past you and leaves the room, returning with a large suitcase which he pushes into your hands. “You have precisely one hour to pack up. You can stay tonight and even tomorrow night in a guest room if necessary if you cannot find anywhere else to stay, but you need to leave as soon as possible. I will not be accommodating for you any longer. You also may want to think about finding a job to support yourself, but maybe they will do that for you.”

And then he leaves you standing there in the doorway, quickly contacting a guard to come and watch over you as you pack up and to show you to your new temporary room. He goes and stands in his garden, staring off into the sky. After a bit, he calls V and explains the situation to him, unable to put a word on how he actually feels inside. The dark, rotten feeling that makes him feel hollow. The anger is still there, but it is weakened and he feels tired. V talks to him for quite some time, without anything much really being said between the two – Jumin was never one to talk all that much, and V wanted to give him the space he needed to recover, the silence to let him think

V offered to come over, but Jumin politely declined and instead decided he would focus all his time and energy on working. He called Jaehee and avoided any questions about how he was doing, saying that he could actually make it to the meetings tomorrow, and that if there was any more work to be done he would happily do it. Jaehee was sure something was up when he also suggested a few ideas for more cat projects, but said nothing of it and wished him well instead, telling him to get a good rest

He couldn’t sleep the entire night, and just wrapped up warm and stayed in his garden, staring out into the sky and trying to think, trying to feel anything other than empty and hurt and lonely. It had been a while since he had been so truly lonely that he was scared by it

He worked and worked and worked over the next while, long after you had moved out and gone on to continue your own life without him. He worked so hard that everyone was getting concerned – especially the RFA members, as he never showed up in the chat rooms anymore – and yet he still couldn’t get rid of these dark, indescribable feelings he was experiencing. He hated it. He felt ashamed, disgusted, betrayed, and so on, and he couldn’t get rid of it

He eventually began to settle into a better pattern, no longer overworking himself but ensuring he constantly had his thoughts occupied by something, whether it be with planning the RFA parties, or making up new ideas for cat projects, or his work. If he spent even a moment alone with his thoughts he became overwhelmed, and he had even ended up breaking things in his frustration at times when it became far too much for him to handle

He felt like such a failure. He had loved you so much and he had lost you so easily, and he just could never get over that

Seven/Saeyoung

Oh boy

He had been so scared of losing you to the agency, worried that they would come after you to get back at him, that he had gotten really, overly protective. He knew he was probably smothering you, and he was trying to loosen up a bit

You started leaving once a week, the same time every week, and he told himself things would be fine and that you were okay. But he couldn’t be sure. So, feeling incredibly guilty, he put a tracker on your phone just so that if something did happen, he could check it. He wouldn’t go near it otherwise

You left and returned around the same time every week, so he didn’t see any reason to worry. You were just having a bit of freedom, that was totally fine. As long as you promised to stay safe, and as long as you called him if anything went wrong, and as long as you came back in a tidy state and not too drunk it was okay

But one day you didn’t come back, and he began to panic. It had been ten minutes, twenty minutes, half an hour past your usually time of return. He was waiting, sitting with his back to the wall, watching the door. He was panicking, and Saeran was getting concerned himself as his brother’s state

An hour had passed and you still weren’t home. Something must have happened, right? You weren’t responding to his messages asking if you were okay, and if you needed a lift or something. He hadn’t heard anything from you

So he turns on the tracker, and sees you’re located in some random house somewhere. He’s confused and he just can’t think straight as he grabs his jacket and keys and goes to drive there. Saeran grabs him by the shoulders and grunts at him to stay safe, and then watches as he runs to get in one of his cars

He speeds the entire way there, trying his best to be careful but just wanting to get to you already. When he gets to the house, everything is eerily quiet. And then he hears you... laugh?

He runs up to the door and knocks. The person who opens the door just stares down at him blankly, and he quietly asks if you’re there

“Yeah, they’re here, what do you want them for?” they ask, looking nervous and confused

“I’m... I’m their boyfriend? I wanted to check if they were okay. They haven’t been responding to me at all,” Seven explains

He gets so scared when the person just laughs

“This is a funny joke. I’m dating MC, dude. There’s no way she would cheat...”

They stop when they see just how confused and hurt Seven looks. He doesn’t look quite all there, honestly, his eyes wide with panic and doubt and his breath catching continuously in his throat

The person turns around and calls for you to come to the door, begging Seven to hide to the side for a second so that you don’t see him. You come out, a drink in one hand, smiling and blushing lightly

“Hey babe, what’s up? Someone for me?” you ask

Seven steps up to the door and stares at you, looking so hurt and betrayed and confused, his eyes begging you to tell him this isn’t true, that this is all just some big, bad joke

But you just drop your drink and stare at him, mouth open, eyes wide in fear

“Sae... Saeyoung, what are you doing here?” you ask quietly

And he just glances at the other person, who looks equally confused and hurt as he knows he does right now, and he turns and walks away. He doesn’t know if you’re following him or not, and he tries to tell himself he doesn’t care when he can’t hear your footsteps behind him, but he does. He cares a lot

He gets in his car and drives off, not to anywhere in particular, and not back home. He ends up outside Yoosung’s apartment, and he sits in the car for a moment crying. He texts Yoosung asking him to come let him in to the building

Yoosung is at the door in seconds, asking him if everything is okay and what’s wrong and why is he crying?

When Seven doesn’t answer, choking back a sob, Yoosung just tackles him in a hug and they stand there for a while, Seven eventually hugging him back and trying his best to calm down and just think

They go in and sit down and Seven explains what happened as Yoosung gets them both a PhD. Pepper and something light to eat. Yoosung seems really shocked by the news, and he isn’t the best to give advice – especially concerning relationships – but he looks up at Seven and there is definitely anger in his eyes as he tells him that what happened isn’t his fault, and that he needs to cut you out, to make you realise what you did was wrong, and to stop you from hurting him again

They sit and relax for a bit, Seven finally able to clear his head a bit and think about the situation. He couldn’t have known, and seemingly the other person didn’t know either. He hoped they were doing okay

He had put his phone on silent and when he was walking back to his car, he finally checked it. Nothing from you, but a few messages from Saeran telling him he needs to come home right now

He sits for a second with his head in his hands, leaning his elbows on the steering wheel, before making his way back home. He opens the door and sees Saeran waiting for him, looking a bit frightened and concerned, but he covers it up immediately with his usual blank look

“They came home and they weren’t making any sense. They’ve just been sitting waiting. I didn’t know what to do,” Saeran explains

“They cheated on me. They’re not staying here,” Seven whispers to him, a light hiss in his voice as his anger rises

He walks in and sees you sitting on the sofa, curled up into a ball, looking so small and scared... But no, you messed up here, and you need to deal with that

Seven walks over, and you turn and jump up off the sofa as soon as you see him. You look so guilty, but he doesn’t care

“Why, MC?” he asks

“I... I just... I don’t know, I wanted some freedom, I felt so trapped here, and I went out one day and met them and I just...”

“I warned you about this. I told you not to get attached to me. I told you that when we were in Rika’s apartment! The first time we met, I warned you!” Seven barks, and you shrink away from him a bit

“I didn’t mean to, Seven, you know that... you know I love you, I promise I didn’t mean to, I just got so caught up in it...”

“You don’t love me. If you loved me, you wouldn’t sneak out every week to go see someone else. Clearly I’m not enough for you, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“But, Seven... Where am I supposed to go? Is there no way I can fix this?”

“No, you can’t. How am I to ever believe you won’t just turn around and do this again someday when you get bored and ‘feel trapped’? And why don’t you go stay with them, they seem to have a nice house.”

“They... they dumped me.”

Seven snickers, and you look so hurt. He turns around and goes to your shared room, pulling out a suitcase

“Here’s the deal. You have until the end of the day to pack up and get the hell out of here. I’ll let you come get the rest of your stuff then within this next month. You’ll have to ask ahead of time for access to the bunker. And then, after that, I don’t want to hear from you again. Understood?” Seven asks, glancing up at Saeran who is standing nervously at the bedroom door, watching the two of you. When Seven and him link eyes, he just nods at him, reassuring him that he’s doing the right thing

Seven shoves the suitcase in to your hands and walks out of the room. He feels Saeran’s hand on his arm, and he turns around, surprised

“Things will be okay,” Saeran tells him, and then he clears his throat, puts on that old blank mask, and retreats away to his room (he ends up hovering about, spending more time closer to Seven over the next few days)

Seven completely ignores you as you pack up your stuff and leaves. Then he goes in to your (old) shared room... it’s just his room now. He feels so empty yet overwhelmed at the same time. Today wasn’t supposed to be like this. He never thought anything like this would happen

He curls up on the bed and your scent is still lingering and he just starts sobbing

He overworks himself for the next while. It’s all he can manage. He makes programs and apps and little robots to distract himself from the constant dull ache in his stomach and chest. When he’s not working he tries to distract himself in other ways. It takes him a long, long time to recover, with Saeran and Yoosung spending a lot of time with him to help him on his way

He’s not going to go back to dating for quite a while

V/Jihyun Kim

You were out meeting up with some friends and he didn’t like to be in the apartment by himself, so he had gone out to a random park with his camera. He loved going out on walks in pretty places now that his eyes had been fixed. He had missed this so much

He invites Jumin to come with him, and the two stroll through the park and gardens together, chatting away like they did when they were younger (V does most of the talking, Jumin was never all that talkative). They pause every now and then so that V can take photos, and he tries to help Jumin take a few photos on his phone

V jogs on up a path and hides around a corner. When Jumin walks up to see what he’s doing, he pops his head around the corner and takes a photo (it somehow looks amazing even though he had only just stopped moving when he took it. V is the God of photography)

And then he sees you, walking down a path not far away, coming in their direction, but not really focusing on them as you talk to the person beside you. You’re holding hands with them, and you look very much in love

The image is burned in his head, and it takes him a moment to register what he’s seeing before he pulls Jumin to stand hidden beside him, listening as you get closer and closer. Tears fill his eyes and he just stares at Jumin, trying to figure out what he should do

Jumin didn’t see you, so he doesn’t quite understand what is happening and why V keeps telling him to be quiet and stay hidden. V shows him the latest photo. In the background, there you are, walking with this stranger, cuddled up to them and looking like a proper couple. Jumin’s face turns sour as he glares at the photo, and then he leans up against the wall, waiting for you to approach

As you turn the corner and spot the two of them, standing there, Jumin looking angry and V looking very, very hurt, you take a step back, letting go of the person’s hand and flushing bright red. You just stare at V, looking shocked and guilty, and he stares back, not really knowing what to do

The person laughs nervously and asks you what is wrong, and Jumin is the first to speak

“We’re friends of MC. How do you know them?” he asks, keeping his cool

“Oh, cool! I met MC a while ago, we’ve been dating for a few months, I thought they would’ve told their friends about me at least,” they tell him, and they laugh again, relaxing a little until they see V’s face and start to connect the dots

“A few months?” he asks quietly, feeling his heart start to crack and shatter in his chest. His heart was fragile enough already, why would you do this to him?

“Yeah... uh... about 3 months at this point I think?.. Is everything okay?” they ask, seeming concerned

“I’ve been dating MC for a few years,” V tells them, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. This can’t be real

Jumin puts a hand on his shoulder protectively, before forcing him to turn around and walk away. The person stands there looking shocked, before turning and talking to you in a hushed voice. They then turn away and walk off, leaving you standing on your own. You go after them, which shocks even Jumin. How could they mean more to you than V?

After they’ve walked for a bit in silence, Jumin pulls V into a tight hug and holds him there. V breaks, and starts going on about how it’s all his fault and he should have been better and he just wishes he could be enough for someone, for anyone, he just wants to be enough

Jumin gets Driver Kim to take them back to V’s place, where he just sits on the sofa, doubled over with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands

Jumin sorts things out over the next while. You won’t be returning, he’ll have your things sent to you, and he’ll stay with V for the next few days, ensuring that a maid takes care of Elizabeth the 3rd for him

V doesn’t really eat or drink much over those few days, and he refuses to talk to anyone much. He opens up to Jumin a bit, and Jumin keeps reminding him it’s not his fault, it’s not his fault, it’s not his fault

After a while, when Jumin is about to leave to go to his penthouse again as V is recovering and starts to take care of himself, V asks him to keep a secret and to take something with him

He hands him a small box, and Jumin’s face drops as he realises what it is. He looks up at V, who is starting to cry again as he stares at the small box

“When were you going to...” Jumin begins to ask, but he can’t finish the question

“That night. I had planned to take them out to dinner, and then go a walk in the park and ask them there, at midnight. It was to be a clear night and everything, the stars would be out, and it just seemed to be perfect...”

Jumin hugs him again, tight, and tells him to come to the penthouse as often as possible. V just nods and watches him as he leaves, before sitting down again the way he had when he had first gotten home after seeing you with the other person (according to Jumin, they had left you too, because they had been unaware of the situation also. You had been playing the two of them)

He stares at the floor as the tears fall. Why couldn’t he just be enough?

Unknown/Saeran

You were late meeting up with him. Of course, it had been arranged last minute, but he had been in the bunker and you had supposedly been out in the town anyway, close to the fancy little ice cream parlour that you were supposed to be meeting up at. What the hell was keeping you?

He texts you and gets no response, so he gets an ice cream for himself and then leaves to go look for you

He finds you a few blocks away, cuddled up in someone else’s arms, staring up at them lovingly as you say goodbye to them and give them a kiss

He drops the ice cream and stares for a second before getting angry and stomping up the two of you. You see him before he gets to you, and push the other person away quickly

“S-Saeran, what are you doing here?” you ask

“I was waiting for you, and you didn’t show up. So I came to find you. What the fuck is going on, MC!?” he growls, glaring at you and the person you’re with, who looks like they really don’t want to be there right now

“I’m sure this is some misunderstanding,” they start, and Saeran reaches out and just shoves them, telling them to just ‘fuck off’ and let him deal with this

They look uncomfortable and scared, but then they glance at you and realise the situation, and they walk away looking betrayed and fearful

And now you’re left to deal with the consequences of your actions as Saeran grabs you by the shoulders and forces you to look him in the eyes. He seems completely unfazed by your tears as you stand there shaking in his grip

“What. The. Fuck. Is going on?” he growls again, slowly, waiting for you to answer

“I... I didn’t mean to Saeran... I really didn’t,” you try to explain, gulping down sobs

He lets go of you, and takes a step back

“Am I not enough for you?” he asks, his anger showing clearly in his face

“No, no, Saeran you’re more than enough... I just... I... I’m sorry, I love you, I’m so sorry.”

“Save your apologies for someone who cares, MC. I’m done with this. We’re done.”

And then he walks away. When you run up and grab his arm, he just shakes you off and yells at you to go away and leave him be. He had trusted you so much, he had let you in, and you broke his trust. That made you a disgusting disgrace of a person to him

When he gets back to the bunker he throws his bag onto his bed and stares at the photo of the two of you on the bedside table

He reaches out and lifts it, rubbing his thumb gently over the frame, before throwing it across the room. Seven knocks on the door and opens it slowly and quietly, staring at Saeran as the hot tears bubble in his eyes and start to spill onto his cheeks and roll down his face

“Saeran... is everything okay? Where’s MC? I thought you two went out for ice cream?” Seven asks, walking into the room

“Leave me alone, Saeyoung.”

“What happened?”

“Leave me the hell alone!”

And then he starts sobbing, and Seven looks so shocked and confused and he just doesn’t know what to do. He tentatively walks over and wraps his arms around Saeran, not letting go of him even though he initially struggles and fights against him

Eventually Saeran relaxes and just buries his head in Seven’s hoodie and lets it all out. Seven tries to think of what to do, who to call, but you were the only person Saeran really let get close to them. Clearly this is about you. It doesn’t take Seven long to come up with a few possibilities – you had gotten hurt, you had broken up with him, or you had... cheated. Shit

“Saeran, they aren’t worth this,” he says quietly, and Saeran freezes in his arms and shoves him away gently. “Please explain what happened to me.”

“I caught them with someone else. We were supposed to be meeting up and I caught them with someone else,” Saeran explains quietly. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

His voice catches in the last sentence, and Seven feels horrible. He tells Saeran to wait here one second, and he goes and gets his phone. He calls Yoosung and tells him to come over for takeout and stuff, and briefly explains the situation to him. He orders some food for Yoosung to collect on his way over, and then he calls you and you can tell he’s really suppressing his anger as he hisses for you to not come back, he’ll send your things to you. He hangs up before you get much of a chance to speak

Seven quickly changes the door’s passwords, so that you won’t be able to get in to the bunker even if you do show up, and then he goes back to Saeran and tells him to get up

He drags him to the sofa, makes him sit down and drink something, and then goes to the kitchen to sit and think about things

Meanwhile, Saeran sits on the sofa and just stares off in to space, ignoring his drink after Seven leaves the room. He can’t understand why people can’t love him, what did he ever do to become so unlovable? He knew he had messed up and made mistakes (being a part of Mint Eye being the main one), but he had been unlovable from the start, and he had convinced himself he was so used to being abandoned that it couldn’t hurt him anymore. It still did, though

Yoosung shows up after about half an hour, holding the take out, and the three of them eat in silence. Saeran barely touches his food, as Yoosung and Seven try to talk to him about what happened, offering whatever words of comfort that they can. Eventually they realise he doesn’t want to talk about it, so they change the topic instead and try to brighten the mood. Nothing works

Saeran retreats back in to his shell quite quickly, constantly reminding himself that he was not loved and that everyone was lying and that, eventually, they would all leave him too

(Finally finished oh my god this took hours and hours, coming to a total of around 13 pages on Microsoft Word, and about 7,200 words. I’m sorry if it seems OOC or rushed at all, I just really wanted to push through my writer’s block and get this done. Hope it was all okay. If you have any comments or anything, please send them to me ^^ Take care!)

[dteamain]

Sorry, I know this was hours ago but I had a question regarding Hari. Did something happen recently with her and dream blogs cause i haven’t seen anything (grant it, I’m wasn’t looking either) I stopped following after her response to dreams twitlong, but wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing anything. Ain’t gonna lie, I’m a little nosy✨

So like I don’t know to in depth bc I to have stopped following long ago. But earlier today we were all reminiscing on dtblr pre-drituation and it was brought up how lots of the people who left were insane even before everything. Anyway hari was brought up in that list ofc and then the only thing I saw was a reblog from a fellow blogger of a post hari posted. The post in question was a fucking screenshot of an ask from that blog (THAT HAS HARI BLOCKED BTW) that hari was mentioned in. Like it was within hours of the ask being posted. It leaves such a gross taste in mouth that she claims to have moved on and claims that dtblr are the insane ones then turns around and snipes any fucking blog that dare bring up her wrong doings. she truly hasn’t changed.

anyway I hear other reports that she is completely misrepresenting what was said by us on her blog but I can’t confirm bc I couldn’t care less. I’m most definitely not stalking her blog like a pathetic loser unlike her🤭

[casual-hazbin-fan]

The literal best way they could have gone about this, even with leaving the post up, would have been to either state in a new post or add a correction to a post that simply said "I'm sorry, but I just noticed that the user I called out was not a shipper, but a fictive, and I'm not used to System terminology, and I look forward to learning more about plural culture going forward so I can be more informed of people I wish to spread positivity to. Sorry to all my followers, I should have checked their blog and had my information straight before making an assumption based off of a single post. Thank you for all your support, and I hope the user and I can move on from this."

Not what they did, which focused on their death threats (that they likely got from the radioapple shipper they tagged). When they pull "btw I have this many death threats" in an apology, it shows "I'm a victim here, this other person I misrepresented is doing nothing but pointing out my actions and it makes me scared you guys will hate me, so please focus on the fact I'm pointing out this user and the fact I have death threats, and I hope YOU GUYS go and harass them instead."

Yeah no. I’m definitely not on your “side” anymore at all. Comparing them to an abuser when what they did was a stupid internet mistake and they have apologised for it is not the name as an actual abuser wtf is wrong with you lmao??? Touch grass eat some mud

They are literally using abuse tactics. They gave a backhanded apology, that they made all about themselves when it should have just been a simple "sorry going to delete the post" and everything would have been over. Instead they use this sort of abuse tactic. Imagine how they treat people in their personal lives if this is how they react to a person on the internet that they wronged.

And truthfully I do not give a FUCK what side people are on. I wouldn't even be talking about any of this if others dropped it. But the cycle of this shit show continues. quite sad.

[zevlors-tail]

So, I'm through episode 2 in Tears of Themis, and I would like to give a little review and say some things.

Spoilers for episodes 1, 2, and the beginning of Vyn's story BTW!!!

As far as functionality and storyline, those things are great. I am extremely interested in where the story is going, and the characters and plot are captivating. The game runs pretty smooth too, and it's not too different from Obey Me in terms of a card system and the episodes, though I do feel it could have been made a bit simpler...

So now that I've given my praise, I want to address a couple...issues that I have with the actual content of the game. 😬

I'll just be blunt. I don't like the fact that so far, mental illness has been portrayed the way it has. Quite frankly I think it's not only extremely harmful and misrepresenting of those who actually are affected by it, but also in poor taste to include it in such a prevalent way in an otome game. I'm not sure I understand the point behind it other than using it as an excuse for a motive for some of the cases and situations, which to me is absolutely just...yuck. And for that matter, there have been no warnings whatsoever for players who might be sensitive to those subjects either. It just pops up in the story randomly.

In Vyn's very first story segment, you literally see someone with SH marks, and it's MC's job to somehow read into that and come to the conclusion that one of Vyn's students is suicidal. In epside 2, bipolar disorder (idk the current/correct term or if that one's outdated, I'm sorry! I'm only quoting the term from the game!) is literally used as a piece of evidence and the motive as to why a man murdered his wife. Also, let's not forget the way Estelle literally used Janus' illness against him to try and manipulate him to go public with their marriage, saying "I have to take care of you and your depression, but who's going to take care of me?" That was quite possibly the most toxic line from this game I've read yet. And even in episode one, there was a brief mention of Grandpa Vern having depression after everything that transpired with Pedro and Penny's Comfort Foods, but MC and Artem quickly pass it off with something along the lines of "Well the trial's over now, so he'll be fine!"

Are you kidding me? 😳 I just feel like if you can't write a compelling murder mystery plot without having to make someone mentally ill to give them a motive, maybe you shouldn't be writing that plot. Also, you're misrepresenting everyone with mental illness and spreading misinformation about what it's really like. In real world situations, it's never black and white like that. It's so different for everyone, and it cannot be 'cured' or just 'go away' just because the main stressor or source of the problem does. It doesn't work like that, but I digress...

Note: I didn't really mention it here, but because I bring up Mystic Messenger in a later comparison, I would like to note that while MysMes also had a similar issue to this (ie. Rika, her cult, and mental illness), I feel that it was handled significantly better and multiple characters recognized her wrongdoings and condemned her and her actions for it. I haven't played through Saeran or V's route, so I can't vouch for that content. I just feel that MysMes handled it better (not perfectly), which is why it wasn't brought up here.

I think I've said enough about that. On to my next qualm:

I've noticed there have been several conversations about MC's figure and weight already, including Luke saying something akin to "I've always thought you looked too skinny," and MC thinking they were fat or asking/acusing Luke of calling them fat. I can't remember exactly what was said or mentioned but it made me feel uncomfortable for several reasons. The first is that weight didn't really need to be mentioned at all, and that is a particular sensitivity of mine, and the second being that Luke calling MC skinny is, well- it assumes that every single player is...skinny.

That is quite obviously not the case. Whatever their reasoning for it, they've now made every person who isn't considered skinny feel left out and shitty. I would even go as far as to say it's borderline fat-phobic with the type of comments that were made.

And on that topic...there is also no representation for POC whatsoever when it comes to MC. As far as I know, MC isn't customizable. Someone correct me if I'm wrong on this, but I never saw an option to change skin color, hair color, eye color, or just icons in general. Why? I'm tired of the "skinny white girl" rhetoric. Not everyone is skinny, not everyone is white, and not everyone is a girl or feminine.

Which leads me to my final big issue! I understand that an otome game's target audience is usually women, so I understand MC being a girl. I do. However- in comparison with Obey Me and even Mystic Messenger, the MC in Tears of Themis is overwhelmingly feminine. Again, I understand target audience, but come on. Even Mystic Messenger only occasionally poked at the MC's specific gender and even hid their eyes so make it slightly more anonymous/neutral (not to say the game wasn't in the wrong for it, bc they very well could have made the MC gender neutral apart from the CGI's), but I feel like this game specifically really paints a picture of a female MC that's extremely hard for me to relate to as a nonbinary person.

Also, even though I'm supposed to be the main character, it feels like I'm playing through someone else's life. They've fleshed out MC so much that she isn't actually relatable anymore, at least in my opinion. She's unnaturally upbeat, has an entire story about her childhood, specific hobbies and a designated work place, and has an entire appearance on screen. And unlike in both MysMes and Obey Me, you actually don't get the option to choose different responses to characters. It's just a set story. The only place you get to choose anything is when you're presenting evidence and testimony in court. So no personalization of MC is really my issue here, I think.

Props to Obey Me for making MC gender neutral, and props to MysMes for at least keeping MC relatable and giving them choices to respond with even if the game set their gender. And hey, MysMes even had different icons to choose from for MC too. Tears of Themis, what's the hold up? 🤨

It's generally a good game when it comes to it's working functions and systems, and I understand that no one is obligated to tag triggers, really. But it's still a game, and it's not above critique.

I give this game...3 stars out of 5. Functionality is great, plot is interesting when it's not misrepresenting, and the love interests are interesting and attractive. The art is beautiful. However, it ranks third on the list of otome games I've played so far (and I've only played three, meaning it's last on the list).

Obey Me takes the cake at number one with it's beautiful art and gender neutral MC as well as its multiple love interests and ridiculously hilarious plot. Mystic Messenger comes in at a solid second place, also with beautiful art and an interesting plot. MysMes also gets props for the way their hourglass system works and the way the story unfolded in different routes and all the different endings you could get. And finally we've got Tears of Themis in third...it could stand to do a bit better.

Well, that's pretty much all I got. Others are welcome to add on to this as well. If I'm wrong about something, please let me know respectfully.

[luckychild]

Have u ever thought about making nqk non binary too. She can start questioning herself and with her two 'not quite' friends kagome and Minato supporting her until nqk starts using they/them pronouns. I mean considering Minato goes by she her in hero for and he him in civilian form. It make sense he would understand a little more and thus be that push nqk needs to descover themself on top of having new powers.

She already is nonbinary. She just hasn't figured out that label yet.

I was nonbinary when I first started LC, after all, and she is a reflection of me at that time. I just hadn't figured out that label applied to me (or come out of the proverbial gender-closet) yet.

My pendantic tendencies aside, if you're asking her to explicitly explore her gender and don the nonbinary label during LC, that's not likely to happen.

Full disclosure and SPOILERS, but LC is only going to cover another month (ish) of NQK's life before it ends. I don't feel confident in my ability to resolve her/my gender exploration process over the course of 30 (ish) in-story days, considering it's taken me years to explore my gender and find my labels IRL. Doing so at this point in LC would have to be very rushed considering how little of the story is left. It's a wildly important subject to me and I'd want to give it proper time to develop, but that time just doesn't exist in the story. NQK is going to be super busy dealing with other people's crap during those 30 (ish) days, too, so introspection in regards to her gender isn't going to be at the top of her To Do List.

You might have noticed that I'm the type to neglect my mental health when I'm busy with other things ( 🙃 ) so it's very in-character for her to compartmentalize and ignore her need for gender exploration while she's busy dealing with new powers, demigods, the potential end of the world, and regretfully spinning a web of deception amongst her loved ones.

"Gender? Nah, that's a problem for tomorrow's me," NQK would probably say, and then she'd pretend everything was fine and she's totally cis, sure, suuuuure, nothing nonbinary to see here 👀😐

There are hints about my gender exploration process throughout Lucky Child already, btw. NQK makes some statements regarding gender and the way people treat her in regards to gender that are pretty clear indicators she isn't as cis as she (or others) think(s). Some readers went back and found them after I came out as nonbinary here on Tumblr, in fact. Basically I was figuring stuff out about myself behind the scenes, and it leaked through the page into her narrative.

Soooo the groundwork for her being nonbinary is there, is what I'm saying, and I think she is nonbinary in a very real way considering she's a reflection of me. It's just that she's a reflection of the me that I was when I first started LC, and at that time in my life, I didn't tell realize I was nonbinary. I suspected, but...

Anyway. The problem is that I don't think that groundwork was consistent enough to now build a new plotline around. And the narrative is already so crowded that I don't think I can squeeze in another subplot without overcomplicating an already complex story.

Basically from a story writing perspective, I haven't built room into the narrative for her to analyze her gender with the time and consideration it deserves. I'm looking ahead at the plot of LC, and there just isn't a place for it. There might be more hints that get dropped about her gender in the story, but I don't think she's really in a place to explore herself and find labels.

If I had known I'd come out as nonbinary almost (*checks watch*) five years ago when I started writing LC? I probably would have worked a coming out narrative into the story. But I didn't know that's where my gender would land, so I didn't leave room for it in the story. To shove it in now would feel... Not good. I have really specific plans in place for the ending, and I don't want to risk ruining then by adding another subplot in the eleventh hour.

Also Japanese pronouns are??? I think she probably already uses "boku" (which is slightly more masculine) for herself, but IDK how it works when referring to others. How do nonbinary people request gender neutral pronouns in Japanese??? I haven't done a speck of research on this and I wouldn't want to misrepresent how that would work. Also how would that impact her culturally??

this reply was a giant ramble. Sorry. Hope this made sense

TL;DR: She already is nonbinary; she just hasn't found her labels yet. Sadly there isn't enough narrative space built into the ending of LC to meaningfully include such an important plotline when we're only 30 in-universe days away from the end of the story. (also IDK how Japanese pronouns work lmao)

[nightbrightwrites]

A Good Classic

~ A/N: I’m a bit nervous about posting here; I love writing but I’ve never written an imagine before. Hopefully you all like it, and feel free to let me know what you think and what you want to see!

Summary: You’ve always loved to read, and you weren’t going to let moving into the dorms separate you from your precious tomes! What you didn’t account for, was how the hell you were going to get everything upstairs. Luckily for you, a certain lightning bolt boy was ready and able to offer some help, and maybe get a date out of it too...

Reader is male, btw! Trans or cis isn’t specified, but I am a trans man myself so there will definitely be more trans male oriented content in the future!

Disclaimer: Most of the books mentioned here are English classics; I didn’t want to misrepresent any Japanese titles that I haven’t read. Thank you for your understanding!

You had never regretted your love of reading. It had been a constant in your life for as long as you could remember, and moving into the U.A. dorms wasn’t going to change that. When you woke up that morning, it had been with excitement at the thought of finally moving your books into your dorm. The past few days had been setting up the shelves, and now it was finally time to fill them.

What you didn’t ever think to consider was just how the hell you were going to get all the boxes to your room on the second floor, especially because the elevator was still getting fixed after a certain SOMEONE lost their temper once again.

Thanks Bakugo.

Getting the many boxes to the dorm building wasn’t too bad; you’d had the help of some of the other students of U.A. But none of them could stay, so the task of getting every box up the stairs and to your room, not to mention unpacked and organized, fell onto your shoulders. The sun was shining as of now, the air sweet with the promise of flowers blooming with the incoming spring, but if the forecast was to be believed and rain was on its way, then you needed to get it together and fast.

Before you could steel yourself to bend over and grab the first box, someone calling your name grabbed your attention.

“(Y/N)!” Kaminari was jogging to you with his ever present grin, boyish in its charm and more than enough to bring your own smile rising to the forefront. “What’s with all the boxes?”

At the reminder of your plight, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “I brought some books from home-”

“Some?!” Kaminari’s eyes bulged as he looked around at the many boxes surrounding the entrance. Luckily no one had needed to get around you, but you wanted to get these books safe and sound before the rain started.

“Yes, some!” You scoffed. “What can I say, I have good taste and I didn’t want to leave them behind! I just...” You rubbed at your temple. You thought about asking your classmates, but you didn’t know where they were and something didn’t sit right with leaving your books out here while you ran to find someone.

“Did you text someone to help? How’d you even get all of these here?” Kaminari looked way too amused in the face of your frustration, though he raised his hands in placation when you turned your gaze onto him.

“My friends helped me get them here, but they didn’t stick around. And I...don’t have anyone else’s number.” That was a lie, completely and utterly, but you also refused to admit that the thought of texting had completely slipped your mind. it just wasn’t something you were willing to admit, especially to Kaminari who’d never let you live it down.

“Yikes.” Kaminari looked around at your situation one more time, before his eyes met yours once more. He seemed to be considering something, lips pursed in thought, until he finally gave a lazy shrug.

“I’ll help!”

Saying that you were taken aback was an understatement. “...You?”

Kaminari’s bright grin dropped, and you had a to bite back a snort. “Sorry, sorry. I just wasn’t expecting that. Thank you, you’re the best!”

“Ah ah, don’t go singing my praises yet, pretty boy!” Kaminari kept talking, but your head was a little more focused on the pet name. Pretty boy, huh? No one had ever called you that before, and you...kinda liked it. Even though it threw you off balance, it was worth it for the butterflies that erupted in your stomach.

“Hello? Earth to (Y/N)! Don’t make me have to zap ya!” A hand waving in front of your face snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Were you listening to me?”

“No.” With that, you picked up a box and headed inside, rolling your eyes fondly at Kaminari’s protests. Soon enough you heard him stomping behind you, muttering something about the box being filled with rocks instead of books.

------

“So, Pride and Prejudice, huh?” Kaminari lifted the book with a raised brow.

You two had managed to get the last box inside just as the rain started, and both of you were exhausted to say the least. You didn’t want to keep him any longer, but he offered to unpack your books and you really could use the help.

You weren’t, however, going to take his shit. “Kaminari, I know for a fact that you like the classics just as much as I do.”

“Pfft, what? No way-”

“I know that you sit in the library every Friday before curfew to read in the little corner over in the history section. I sit there too sometimes, it’s very comfy.”

Kaminari sputtered for a moment, during which you took the time to load up your poor shelves with more literature. Listening to the usually confident boy sputter for a moment was a lovely soundtrack, though you silently prayed he didn’t short circuit. Your poor books couldn’t handle it.

“...S-So are you just stalking me or something? If you liked me that bad you could’ve just asked me out.” He chuckled, still slightly off-kilter. He hoped he was sounding at least somewhat flirty, but from the funny look you gave him, he wasn’t doing that good of a job.

“In your dreams, maybe.” You chuckled. “No offense, but I don’t think you’re my personal Mr. Darcy.”

“Mr. Rochester?”

You paused. “Is this your way of telling me you’re gonna lock me in the attic?”

Kaminari’s grin never dropped so fast, and you had to stifle a snort behind a hardcover.

“Come on, throw me a bone here (Y/N)!”

“I’m free tomorrow.”

Kaminari blinked, feeling his face heat ever so slightly. “H-Huh?”

“You wanted a bone, yes? I’m free tomorrow if you wanted to-”

“Yes!” Kaminari fist-pumped, already running through ideas in his head. “You won’t be disappointed, (Y/N)!” He sprinted out of the room, careful not to trip over or God forbid, step on any of your books.

“Kaminari, we’re not done-! And he’s gone.” You sighed, shaking your head fondly. Luckily you were almost done shelving, though it took you a bit longer than usual; your mind was a bit preoccupied with your date tomorrow.