#I cannot stand people who lack nuance

[furiousgoldfish]

When you're continually berated and punished for something, even something harmless or normal, it's going to feel like a 'wrong' thing to do, or to be. If your appearance is constantly insulted, it's going to feel like you 'look wrong', if your curiosity is being shut down and attacked, you'll start to perceive your own positive traits as bad, annoying and wrong.

Abusers especially love to punish any 'standing up to them', or 'questioning their intentions', and 'getting rightfully angry at them'. Or, god forbid 'attempt at creating boundaries'. Those will get shut down and punished very fast, and you will instead be 'corrected', and 'told how to think and how to act instead'. So you'll be told that the correct thing to do is to stay silent, not voice your thoughts, not talk back, repress and stuff down your anger and sense of justice indefinitely, don't believe you have any right to deny abusers anything they might want of you. And you always, always have to assume their intentions are what's best for you, for everybody, or at least, each and every of their actions has good reasons behind them.

I was trained to think like this as a child, and thought it was in fact, wrong to ever make a negative assumption about anyone's behaviour; this in fact will make them act bad! I thought the only correct way to behave was to defend and try to rationalize and understand any kind of disgusting behaviour. To the point where even when looking at the fictional characters, or people who had nothing to do with me, I would always attempt to see what had happened to those people and understand their motivationss for doing evil. I even mistakenly thought that this was some depth of character and a way to see nuance and good in everybody, I thought it was a positive trait of mine that I tried to understand everybody. It would later prove to be a vulnerability, since I  never extended the same grace to myself, and nor did anyone else.

Understanding why people do what they do makes sense if you're talking about friends, people who understand you back. It makes sense if you're trying to extend compassion for victims, trying to understand how they felt during what was done to them, and why they reacted in the way they did. It makes sense if you're trying to understand how the world works, and if you want to attempt to make changes. It even makes sense if you look at why abusers do what they do – but in that case, you can't look at their perspective for the answers. What they do is explained perfectly in what it accomplishes.

If constant berating, humiliating and shaming their victims accomplishes to ruin the victim's self esteem, being too scared to stand up to the abuser, struggling to socialize and ending up alone, isolated and more vulnerable to the abuse – then that's exactly what it accomplishes. If abuser's violence, threats, blackmail and manipulation hold the victim hostage, make the victim scared to run, scared to fight back, scared to disobey, scared to put the end to the abuse – thats what it accomplishes. If abusers control of victim's finances, appearance, social life, behaviour, activities and work gains the abuser the ability to control this person's life, and extract as much labour, catering, emotional care, and lack of a fight at violations and pain, that's exactly what it accomplishes!

A person's past doesn't come with instructions to hold someone hostage and hurt them indefinitely, no history will accidentally cause this. It cannot be explained by past experiences, because no past experiences get resolved by controlling another person to one's pleasure and benefit. Nobody is predisposed by their past to engage in intimate violation of another person's well being and integrity, hold it secret, and stop this person from defending themselves or running away. This is learned, calculated, purposeful, intentional and self-aware behaviour (or they wouldn't hide it, would they?).

Why they do what they do lies in what they get out of it. They wouldn't be doing it otherwise. You don't need their history to explain it, because the reasoning is very simple: they want to, they can, and they think they can get away with it. Difficult and painful past can cause a person to isolate themselves, to fear others, to struggle with emotions, trust, panic, triggers, to avoid situations where another thing like that could happen, to struggle with eating, to not be sure how to properly form bonds and connections, how to socialize, how to get close to people, or how to get separated when things get bad. But it doesn't cause a person to blatantly lie, fake, untruthfully promise and manipulate another to believe they're being loved, only to lure them into a hostage situation where they're not allowed to be a person anymore, not allowed to even voice what's happening to them. Nobody does this accidentally or because they 'don't know any better'. They do it with calculation because their intention is to exploit and harm for benefits. And that's not something to defend, in fact once you understand it, you know there is no possible defense in the world.

And to circle back to the beginning of this post, they shut down your curiosity because curiosity results in new knowledge, and any new information you get is a threat to them; curiosity is a powerful and desirable trait to have! Nothing was ever wrong with your appearance, they just prefer if you don't go outside and feel too ashamed of yourself to ever examine whatever is wrong with them; it's to keep you in shame and self doubt so you wouldn't notice how unworthy the abuser is of you. You standing up to others and fighting for what's right is not only a positive trait; it demands courage, integrity and personal strength to do that. And being suspicious when it comes to someone's intentions can save you mountains of trouble and abuse. You have every right to doubt what people are saying, every reason to notice if things are a little too convenient, little too unbelievable. It shows a clear mind and unclouded judgment - which, I can't judge you if you don't have, because I don't have it either.

People with good motivations don't need their actions defended, because the motivations are reflected in their acts, not their words. Anyone who needs you to defend them when they do evil, likely does not deserve it. Anyone who would have a problem with your appearance, curiosity, courage, strength, reasoning and distrust, could only have it because they don't like how you can see trough them, and fight them on their abuse. All of these traits should earn you respect and dignity.

[bimbolita]

I’m so glad everyone is having the same visceral reaction to episode 4 like I did. I thought I was being too sensitive but fucking no. It is painful. It is horrid. Knowing that this type of abuse actively happens to sex workers and those who are trafficked. It’s jarring because I didn’t expect to see this dark and explicit depiction in a cartoon that jokes about penises every 2 minutes. It’s like when light hearted coco melon shows start talking about death, it was just unexpected because I never took this show serious. I’m going to share more of my thoughts below! Trigger Warning: Mentions of SA ⚠️

I don’t think it’s my place to deny or confirm if the ‘poison’ scenes were fetishized, I personally believe it’s subjective. I know how I feel but I think no matter where you stand, you are right in your own way. Many things can be true at once. What we can all agree on, is that it was harsh. In a way, I hope the audience is able to understand how exploiting and non glamorous sex work is. There is nothing fun about having your body used multiple times a day by people you do not know and having said scenes recorded then plastered all over the media. Of course all forms of engaging in or creating adult content are different, I am specifically talking about sex workers who have no say or control over their bodies and finances. Like Angel. Let us put emphasis on WORK in sex work.

It is demanding. It is laborious It is scaring. Remember that and remember the unheard voices who must do this to simply survive.

There is a lot of criticism about angel’s personality and yes I agree it is annoying but you have to understand, it is a trauma response. Hypersexuality is a common trait among those who are sexually abused. Angel just outwardly expresses it all the time because it is all he knows. This thought process is the only way to tolerate his behavior. I say thought process because it is only an interpretation. It’s very obvious viv just adores writing sexed up characters with zero nuance or depth but let’s just pretend she can actually write male characters that think beyond their cock and balls. Let’s pretend that Angel Dust is a two dimensional character and not (grits teeth) fetish bait.

Now, let’s talk about Charlie. Alright great, she saw her friend being mistreated and was about to stand up to his abuser, ok good good. The victim (Angel) gets upset and wants her to leave because he was beaten. Yes, average response of someone who is an abusive relationship, he is afraid and wants to avoid more conflict between him and Val. The situation at hand couldn’t be more than obvious. How does Charlie respond? She cries. And not because she is frustratedly concerned for the safety of her friend. It is because he yelled and rejected all her poor attempts at helping. Charlie is weak as shit and I think that interaction was weirdly written. I wish she had the mental fortitude to understand how much danger Angel’s life was in at that moment. I cannot enjoy her ‘aggressive kindness’ cutie do no wrong baby girl type of character in a moment like that.

And I feel the same about Husk’s song. Out of all the responses you could’ve made, this is what made it to the final cut? Do better. I don’t care if I lack the mEdIa LiTeRaCy twitter keeps yapping about. It’s bad. You just showed a sexual assault montage and the rebuttal was basically “my uncle broke his neck tap dancing once :/“ lol we’re both losers and that’s ok, suck it up buttercup, I like you regardless. This was the best response to an SA victim? No degree in media literacy would ever help me think that was an acceptable response. I dunno about ya’ll but I major in common sense at the university of using my eyes and fucking ears. Now imagine, if that entire segment, when Husk and Angel are at the bar plus the musical number; imagine if all of that was placed BEFORE we see Angel and Val interact and then poison plays as the final song. It would be 10x more impactful because then the audience sees how deep and stuck Angel actually is. Trauma olympics is never acceptable but neither is trauma participation trophies. It is not right to make Husk’s issues be seen as the same as Angel’s issues. They are not the same and it is ok to acknowledge that Angel has it worst than Husk. It’d be more genuine if Husk were to just hug him in complete silence after dragging him out of the bar and have Angel tearfully embrace him back. The first non sexual and benevolent interaction between them. The first physical act of care with no ulterior motives of lust.

I grind my teeth at the wasted potential.

[soulfulazrael]

Haven't watched Mastermind episode (and wont), but will talk about stuff I saw from it and heard about it

So... I as you who follow my ramblings here probably know (all 2 of you probably). I do not watch this show anymore because I don't care about it's story. Apparently this new episode is BEST OF THE SEASON, but since rest of the season at best gave me a feeling of pure apathy and at worst INCREDIBLE disdain and lack of faith in humanity I say good middle ground is talking about pieces I saw because at this point I don't think I can stand watching this show for longer than 5 minutes at a time.

I make my own story for HB/HH so I will make some comparisons to my own story and plans... Maybe one day I will do bigger post about how my versions of Sins and other things look. No arts though... no talent on my part. Eh... Or maybe... Eh we will see. Probably not, but... Maybe... I dunno.

Comparisons will be mostly about Sins. And the thing I reference is a fic called Song for the Quiet Bird that for now is center of my AU where I make things of Hellaverse in my own way.

So first off. Stella moment. Probably the first thing I saw from it when I heard about it. When I saw that scene I was like: Wow. Actually proper moment where Stella shows more of a character and maybe nuance aAAAAAAaaaand the smirk...

You are amazing at failing every expectation aren't you HB? YOU KNOW SHE LE EVIL!? YOU KNOW SHE BAD!? YOU KNOW STOLAS GOOD!?

Yes I do. I am deaf from the amount of SCREAMING you are throwing at me about this every other minute. Thank you. I am not a 5 year old. She evil. What you do with it? Also apparently NOW she has a brain compared all other times besides season 1 where she had more of a peanut there? What is it? Also incest with her brother? Great... Keep on going with this. I am sure at some point even completely blind AND deaf people will understand how evil she and Andy Magic are. I sadly missed the part where I am supposed to find them interesting. But HEY at least it gives such a great explanation of why Octavia sees Stella as better parent than Stolas which is clearly shown in some of that promotional material... entire one scene... that is not a minute long even and has no dialogue between them. No chemistry or anything... Let's be honest though. For most fans that's probably enough. Just slap one or two scenes later of Andy Magic and Stella saying how bad Stolas is and you are golden... Fuck my life as it is not even a joke. Jesus.

Okay. Besides that... tragedy? I dunno. There is also SINS! Leviathan and Belphegor...

Well... that's just amazingly underwhelming. You know there is a problem when I cannot tell if a character is even meant to be someone special. Because what the Hell (get it? HELL!) is this? They look like about nothing Demons. They are barely more interesting visually than any other shmuck we saw in this world. Ozzie keeps being the best design out of all of them with most distinct and accurate one and I am starting to feel like it is only because Viv took years in making it before hastily making ones for everyone else. Seriously, would you even be able to tell they are meant to be important characters? Because they look like everyone else in this world.

Now funnily enough I have my own concepts for those in my AU. Not exactly more interesting visually as again... not an artist and it is still more concept thing as I keep figuring things out, but this is the current form I want to get them across. I think they do the job on some level in terms of what they are meant to be. One is Leviathan. It is... interesting to portray it with 2 heads... a reason for that kind of eludes, but who am I to judge? But I know in my version it will just honestly a large beast swimming across endless waters of Envy. A giant sea monster that keeps itself in a giant form among domes of Envy where cities are with immeasurable wealth and power, a creature meant to be envied. But also a creature that envies deeper than any other over the loss of their partner at the hand of God, not being able to be close with anyone or even be understood. A creature who's deep resentment and pain created entire Ring around them.

If I made a scene like that with 'sins' meeting I think it would be with a High Demon that serves as a high priest/priestess of the Leviathan faith. As all very high rank demons like Sins, certain Goetia Kings and other VERY important figures have their own religion that Hellborn MUST adhere to, in a way choose their deity and in this case it would be a Demon from said church of Leviathan that interprets them... cluelessly.

While Belphegor would not be much different as a creature that also is a larger than life being. But this one being like a giant, anthropomorphic crocodile like being similar to SCP 682, but more... static. Basically giant center point of a garbage heap that is Sloth in my AU. In some ways beautiful, but also incredibly toxic and dangerous to everything wasteland. Very bottom of Hell. Horrible place where you can be killed by some horrifying monsters with no real mind that prey on the helpless. As Belphegor itself (dunno if it even has gender) exudes aura of sloth where most Demons that come to sloth will be at some point forced to lay down and stay in place. "Bask under non existent sun" which is a term used in that version of Hell a bit to call someone lazy and it comes from that which can spell someone's horrid death.

Those are my ideas for those. But next one is the big boy himself. The Big S. Adversary. Satan.

He looks alright. Nothing you would not imagine a Satan to be. He looks dragon like, buff (even if he skipped leg day) and has funny horns of Imps. Also he has little therapist... which is funny because in my fic I also have a trial with the main judge there (in that case Lucifugus or Lucifuge Rofocale) who also has his own little therapist thing (alongside some other annoyances... and far more misery). It is funny how I guess both me and Viv kind of agree people in high political power in Hell would have their own therapist. In my version though he keeps them deep within the tower he resides in. But either way. Can't say his design or personality is something I did not see coming.

As for my version I will go with... yeah it will be quite different. Better or not. Your choice. A centaur like being that has 4 big arms, molten lava in his veins and skull on top of his body looking like a goat or dragon like being (still thinking on that). A demented monstrosity who's head went awry due to their perpetual rage who can now think of nothing, but drowning everything in so much blood that he will one day swim on that tide of gore to the Pearly Gates and smash them open in ultimate showing of their superiority over all of creation. Something his kin the Imps for the most part also believe and praise. A promise of sea of gore and glorious war. Not the kind of creature that would hold a trial. In that world it's more of a Lucifuge thing... or Lucifer if he is mood for jokes and tormenting some poor souls for their amusement.

Also I hear Stolas lost all his wealth and power over... NOT the shitty things that he did, just that he was forced to lie for the sake of I.M.P.... Eh... The avoidance of responsibility continues. Even when characters face consequences it can NEVER be over their own actions. It has to be something that can be proven wrong and goddamn will that probably be true with Via as well. Because let me tell you they are most likely going to make her be in the wrong for hating poor little Stolas baby and I hate it already. I know making assumptions is not good, but by GOD were they good at making those expectations of nuance low so far...

Actually what expectations? I don't watch this show anymore. But I am passionate about it's ideas... and that hurts me. A lot. I made this entire post because of those... and make a fic that has now few HUNDRED THOUSAND words. Damn. No idea if my version is better or worse... but it is one I prefer. It is different definitely. Even though in certain ways it's weirdly similar.

[zieroses]

I think one major thing missing in Veilguard is elves making the wrong choice.

As far as I know, it’s not accurate to the lore and history that elves would so easily accept (much less already know, i.e. Strife and Irelin) that their gods are evil. I believe it’s even mentioned at one point (hopefully I didn’t make this up or read it in a post?) that Solas awoke after his long rest to find that not only had the world changed, but the elvhen had gotten it all wrong, reducing him to a trickster god and elevating the Evanuris to shining beacons of worship. And as we know in real life, a lot of people who deeply worship their idols dont so easily accept even the most damning evidence that everything they knew was wrong.

These are our gods, after all; they’ve been gone, and they’re back, and they came back for us. That you stand against them is damning for you. Maybe the Veil Jumpers believe you, but we, the Dalish in general, do not. We know our histories. We know our gods. Plus, if the Dread Wolf is aligned against them, we know which side we want to be on.

So, imagine whole encampments of Dalish - maybe even an entire exodus of them from the south - journeying to join Elgar’nan and Ghilain’nain. Imagine that by the time they arrive, it’s too late; there’s no going back, they’re already under Elgar’nan’s insidious control. There’s no chance of them telling the Dalish clans that follow: we were wrong, go back, do not come, flee. Imagine that alongside the un-nuanced evil power-chasers that are the Venatori and the Antaam, we also have to fight Dalish. Imagine, as an elf, having to make a choice the first time you encounter such an enemy. Can they be saved? And you learn: no, they cannot, and if you tried, you lose a friend, or a contingent of Veil Jumpers, because these Dalish are mind-broken, controlled by Elgar’nan.

Imagine a questline, brought to you by the Veil Jumpers (or even a member of the clan): we’ve located a clan en route to join Elgar’nan, if we hurry, we can stop them before it’s too late. So you hurry, and you intercept them. But can you convince them? Bonus points perhaps if you’re a Dalish elf yourself - bonus points perhaps if you have Davrin or Bellara with you. Three outcomes, maybe: you convince them to stop, and they go to the Veil Jumpers instead, increasing your alliance with that faction; you don’t convince them, and their numbers strengthen Elgar’nan’s, and in a later gut wrenching cutscene you encounter faces you recognize and now have to cut down; or perhaps split down the middle, you convince some but not all, and the bonuses and consequences are both present, but lesser.

Maybe also, if the game had some more nuance regarding the historical way Tevinter treats elves, this can potentially go even more poorly if you are a Shadow Dragon, or a mage. Or a Shadow Dragon mage.

This would’ve “solved” a few problems DATV presented or rather flattened out: the lack of nuance in your enemy (think Corypheus’s lieutenants and the things we learn about them that make them potentially sympathetic) and the lack of nuance in the elvhen response to the revelation of their gods’ return.

[narcoticwriter]

I Have A Mouth And I Will Scream With It. (The Second Installment)

The first one.

You know, you would think that me complaining about something would have something done about it, but as the sole torch in the darkness, I alone am alight and it is not nearly enough. So I can only declare into the void of character design and lack of common sense once again:

It still makes no fucking sense how the tall Genshin women have heels.

After Fontaine and now Natlan, I can only crumple to my knees and weep. Lament, even. Why, Hoyoverse? Why are you averse to sensible footwear? Surely you're all competent enough to put boots on the characters where boots are warranted if not required? Amber exists, for crying out loud! You can make it work!

Every single character here is qualified for a full display of clownery and no exceptions can be made.

Insanity -

Navia: Demoiselle, forget the ten-meter hat that you wanted to commission, you cannot be serious about your footwear. And no, you cannot just make your employees carry you. I know that Silver and Melus would do it without hesitation, but they're not here to do that anymore and you have to stand on your own two, heeled feet. And be honest folks, do you really think that Navia's not the type to twist and sprain her ankle in a moment of hasty stepping? If anything, commission Chiori for stylish footwear that makes sense, she could probably do it for you for a discount, too.

Clorinde: You're expecting me to believe that this woman actually goes hunting in those damn things? Seriously? I know that she's capable of a lot of physical feats, but this being one of them is a stretch to even my imagination, skirt aside. Not only would this require a profound sense of balance and spatial awareness, but it would also see Clorinde as a genuine class unto herself and while she is already, I'm not inclined to see that extend to her feet. But hey, that work-life balance isn't for nothing! She can actually rest her feet if she gets a moment to herself at least!

Xianyun: I don't care how old you are, how often you're not in that form, or how specialized your entire hobby is, those heels are unnecessary. It would genuinely look better if you had flats on. Yes, yes, I know that she's a crane and all and that heels would make sense, but you think her legs aren't long enough already?

Arlecchino: She killed a man with those shoes and I had to fight to not projectile vomit when I saw it happen. She's full of nuance, complications, and contradicting beliefs, a decent character overall story-wise, but for this, she sickens me. If I say anything more, I may lose my mind.

Xilonen: I want to cry. Genuinely. Stilettos? "But Narky, she skates-" I'm not talking about her skates, I'm talking about her phlogiston-adhesive stilettos and I hate them. Hoyoverse, she's a laid-back jaguar gal who won't move if she can help it and would rather lounge around on her free time, put her in some fucking sandals if not the pair of fluffy slippers that she deserves.

Chasca: I know that some people have a bone to pick with her design-wise, but I don't care about that right now. I care about what's on her feet and what are on her feet are abhorrent. The only peace she's keeping isn't mine but everyone who has been on the receiving end of her fists. Hell, she's probably used her heels to keep the peace at some point.

Mavuika: Unironically, her entire fit would look better if she just had regular shoes on. Like, you can keep the basic look of the heels, but if they were more akin to boots with some defined soles, it could have gone hard. But alas, Hoyoverse has a quota to meet and genuinely good designs for footwear be damned. And please note that I have not gone into how an Archon of war has heels. Be for real, devs. Be for fucking real.

Bonus:

Skirk: If I had heels for feet, I would have chopped them off. That is all.

Conclusion: I have the opposite of a foot kink and I don't know what that means nor do I want to find out.

[likealittleheartbeat]

hey there! can i ask you to elaborate on something?:)

when you reblogged the scene from 'the firebending masters' ep where aang and zuko are judged by the dragons, you said that "now they stand beside the person they thought had what they most longed for" in relation to their yin/yang dynamic.

i remember zuko's monologue in 'the siege of the north' about how aang is like azula and things come to him easy - something that zuko may feel jealous of and long for. but in what sense do you think zuko has what aang longs for the most, and does he acknowledge this?

Such a good question referencing this post and these tags:

First, I’d say that when I talk about longing here, it’s not conscious longing, it’s a deeper subconscious longing for that which will resolve their inner conflict but the character has not necessarily articulated it for themselves or even come to the conclusion themselves. @avatarsymbolism has a nice little post about zuko and aang’s wants and needs. And while I don’t agree whole-heartedly with the wants and needs they land on for the characters—Aang’s need to “mature and step into his role as Avatar” is clearly more nuanced since the Avatar state he masters at the end of season 2, as mentioned in the post, ends up getting him killed rather than serving as a narrative culmination—the framework of wants and needs with the initiator of a characters’ “lie,” which might be better understood as a character’s misunderstanding, is a nice way to discuss it. What I’m talking about with longing is their need.

Therefore, Zuko’s longing is not for the prodigiousness of Azula and Aang. That’s his want. What he needs is restraint, patience, and openness. What the framework of wants and needs hides, however, is something atla does incredibly well. The characters already possess and have demonstrated the features they need, just as an aspect of yin exists within Yang and vice versa. It resists the theory that desire is created by a lack. The problem is not in the characters’ ability but in their awareness of themselves and the bigger picture, the grand design. “Destiny? What would a boy know of destiny?” Jeong-Jeong asks in the episode that directly follows the Storm and the Blue Spirit which have paralleled and intertwined Aang and Zuko. “If a fish lives its whole life in this river, does he know the river’s destiny? No! Only that it runs on and on, out of his control. He may follow where it flows, but he cannot see the end. He cannot imagine the ocean.” The understanding Aang and Zuko reach in the dragon’s fire is their ocean. Zuko finally understands that his dogged pursuit of the avatar and his honor and all the failings to be self-disciplined towards the rules of his father’s court were related to his own values of restraint, patience, and openness to others’ lived experiences. He can finally see a vision of himself that is integrated rather than lacking.

Aang longs for an inner drive, a motivating force, a reason to live and, most importantly, to act decisively that belongs to him rather than the expectations of others for him. Zuko’s clarity on his desire for his honor provides such a stark contrast to Aang on this point. All Aang can manage to do is try to avoid and escape the mantle placed on him while barely even receiving a chance to consider self-determination. The lack of a motivating force is compounded by his survival of the genocide—why go on if no one remains who can understand you? why do anything if it can’t undo the loss?

He is teased by Bumi: “Typical airbender tactic: avoid and evade.” It haunts Aang’s arc as a criticism of his approach to life. He blames himself for running away and leaving his people to suffer the genocide without his protection. He is criticized for fooling around rather than being more direct in mastering the avatar state. He is told to stop thinking like an airbender by Toph in order to master earth—“there’s no different angle, no clever solution, no trickity-trick.” And then he doubles down on himself when he dies and feels that he’s abandoned the world again.

When he reawakens on the ship, we get another parallel to Zuko as Aang asserts a desire for honor, but the goal collapses into the stormy ocean with Aang before the end of the episode. Aang would like to be determined in the same clear way as Zuko, but he keeps having to face his inability to embody that the way Zuko does.

In “the firebending masters,” Aang finally starts to understand that his fleeting nature has an underlying motive. The nomads philosophies resisted the pressures of honor and productivity important to others in order to emphasize the illusion of separation, the potential for unexpected joy, and the inherent value of life. This openness is a drive itself, Aang realizes finally, though its action seems like inaction to others. All the dodging of attacks and duties Aang performed had a greater purpose to render freedom and reconnection, as if an invisible thread had been trailing behind him stringing all the places and peoples he met back together, across distances and even across death and time. He is finally allowed to find his own reason.

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

Zenix’s little tangent in Episode 35… doesn’t entirely make sense. Or at least I don’t like parts of it and so I’m gonna bitch.

Tw I speak a little bit about abuse and cults at the end.

Zenix: “I’m sure garroth told you… didn’t he? How he found me? He must have… you were always his favorite. Isn’t it funny how he found me around the same time the old Lord was murdered?”

That’s just the beginning of it, of course.

But… Zenix saying this doesn’t really… fit.

SKs kill people in order to gain immortality (typically guards who kill their lords, but it’s established in episode 31, Criminal Brains, that it’s not only guards and not only lords). This is usually someone they knew in their human life, that’s just how it’s always been with SKs, that’s the whole… tragic romance of them. Whoever they dedicated their mortal life to will be the sacrifice to their immortal life.

Whether Zenix is saying he showed up in Phoenix drop shortly before or after he killed the lord is nothing to me, because either way, it’s clear they don’t have that bond. Even Azura states that Zenix swore himself to GARROTH. And the later established lore that sks have permanently red eyes after killing their person doesn’t even apply to Zenix in this case, because he had brown eyes the entire time we knew him, up until they clearly decided that he was the one who murdered the old lord and scrapped Vylad’s involvement.

Because up until this point… all evidence pointed to Vylad. From flashbacks of him standing outside of the old lord’s house with a flint and steel to Sasha basically outright saying it, everything has pointed at Vylad. And I’m not saying twists are a negative, red herrings are fun, but nothing good ever comes when you mix jesson and red herrings… clearly. So this was just… not a good twist. I’ve been keeping track of a lot of stuff and there just wasn’t enough for me to justify it as something pre-planned. But if someone else has another opinion I’m happy to hear.

This is something they do a lot with Zenix. Even with the original reveal that he was a bad guy, they retconned Brendan’s statement of events to make him look worse. They turned Zenix using him like a human body shield into Zenix going out of his way to hurt Brendan, though it didn’t need to be done. It just made him seem unnecessarily cruel.

And now they’ve retconned who killed the old lord to make Zenix look worse again. And I think this is because Jesson cannot cope with moral ambiguity.

Vylad and Zenix are the two most morally ambiguous characters up to this point. Zenix has an evil lean, no doubt, but a lot of his actions lack any known motivation, especially his kind actions, or moments when he does things that are objectively good but… we don’t know why, in order for us to actually understand his moral compass. Sure he is evil-aligned, but he is clearly not fully evil. He has shades of grey… and so does Vylad. Vylad clearly has a good lean, but we don’t know enough about him, and we know he is evil-aligned (he is shown to be peers with Gene and Sasha in earlier episodes) so it’s very… vague. Hazy. Morals? Questionable.

But then Jesson went— HOLD UP! Make Zenix explicitly bad by stating that he was the one to kill the old lord because he wanted immortality… and make Vylad explicitly good by stating that he was the one who hindered Zenix from killing more people.

It wss more interesting when Zenix was just some guy who did bad stuff and had an unknown backstory, and some people rooting for the good in him.

And when Vylad was spooky as fuck.

But that’s too much nuance, give a clear morality to the gay men.

Dont make SKs interesting by giving Zenix red eyes for attempting to kill the man he dedicated his life to! No! Don’t expand the lore by making it obvious that the reason that SKs have to kill their loved ones is to mirror cult/abuse tactics that distance the victims from any real support system they could have to escape! Dont give Zenix red eyes even though he failed at killing Garroth because the bond between them is irreparably damaged despite Garroth’s denial of it! Don’t do that! That’s too much nuance!

[crooked-wasteland]

Hazbin Hotel Live Blog: Masquerade

So, been a few and we pre-gamed for this one extra special. I will be transparent in that I have a personal history with SA and quid pro quo sexual abuse as well as physical and domestic abuse. My partner has warned me prior on the larger portions of the shock value Medrano uses, but we both are not really sure how I will react to this.

Amazon has added an explicit warning for sexual assault to the episode that was not previously there. So good on them for that.

The audio between Keith David and Blake Roman feels like they were done in different parts of the world.

Tell not show. Husk just says all the things.

Angel Dust is shrill. I’ve never described a human being as shrill, but this vocal performance is shrill and I wish he never spoke again.

WTF was that animation as Charlie kicks her legs.

Valentino could be such an interesting character, but he lacks any depth.

So Charlie is just an idiot.

Blake completely loses the Angel Dust voice. He’s not even in character and the only thing he has to act with is his voice. You have to stay in character to be a voice actor.

The whole scene in the dressing room lacks any weight. Everything is so sudden and contrived. Charlie fucks up the shoot so Valentino has an excuse to abuse Angel Dust and it’s so obvious where the direction of events are going that it isn’t even emotionally investing. And it’s a testament to the fact that I was a pilot fan and invested in where Medrano would take the show to now saying I just don’t care.

“Just don’t hurt her” Where was the inclination that would happened. Angel Dust going off on Charlie was actually well written, but the fact that it is supposed to be seen as insincere ruins it.

The song has the most graphic depiction of sexual abuse and yet the whole message is confused.

Angel Dust is sexually abused and proceeds to Sexually harass Husk.

So Charlie ruined his day, but let’s blame Husk.

Why are we supposed to believe Husk is judging Angel Dust? He’s an alcoholic.

Angel Dust is living in self harm with his promiscuity and drug abuse, and that isn’t supposed to be who he actually is, it’s supposed to be his persona` to get by, but that feels like we are getting a whole new character introduced 4 episodes in.

Loser Baby is the worst thing I have ever heard musically and lyrically.

I stand by what I said about Loser Baby. It completely lacks any depth or emotional processing. It’s just two people who are making excuses for themselves and saying “well, I’m not the only one.”

So this is the shortest list I have because so much of it cannot be bullet points. Animation wise it lacks weight. The characters being hurt doesn’t feel real it lacks the sense of gravity needed for the violence to feel mature. This is less intense than Tom and Jerry. On the other hand, Blake Roman’s vocal performance is awful. He can’t keep his voice in character when he tries to have any amount of emotion, but the vocal deliveries that at least are in his character range are on par with Whitey from 8 Crazy Nights. It is ear splitting. Aside from that, the transparency of how Medrano is obviously ticking boxes to get to the emotional beats she planned, actual nuance and depth be damned. I just don’t care about what is happening, which actually is the only reason this isn’t so triggering. This episode revels in sexual abuse fetishism and it is equally as defensive about it. The signs pointing at Angel Dust are repulsive and to then have it set against the backdrop of “You aren’t alone so why bother changing” is appalling. I stand by the statement that this is group therapy without the therapy. The whole idea behind the group therapy setting is that you can learn from others on how better to help yourself, but this online generation has seemed to think that the group part was what made the therapy effective. In reality it is very easy for a group setting to become a cesspool of covert narcissism.

On the other hand, I don’t get how anyone could have thought this was about abuse of any kind. Because the whole episode treats sexual abuse as a joke from the beginning to the end. The only time it is taken seriously, it is whiplash. Angel Dust telling Husk how he wishes to become so ruined and broken that his abuser wouldn’t want him anymore is so heavy and abruptly serious when every other moment of abuse is either so cartoonishly done like the dressing room, or is played as sexy or a joke. It is a joke in the script from how poorly written the pornos are (which its shown Angel doesn’t want to participate in, but it’s made to be comedic so that aspect fades real fast) to how unimportant it is that Angel is literally attempted to be drugged.

And Charlie has officially become the worst character. I didn’t even see Charlie as a character, it’s very obvious where Medrano sources her inspiration. Just like how Lute is Peridot, Charlie is just Harley Quinn, except she has none of the charm and all of the annoyance. Which goes back to what I said before.

I think the worst part is that I don’t care. I really just don’t care because the characters just don’t care, and even when they do, I don’t know them enough to invest in them emotionally. This is not at all on the series being 8 episodes, this is exactly how I feel watching Helluva Boss, whom Vivienne is making a season 3 for as we speak. So the limitations are not why this series is so painfully shallow, it’s a reflection of a creator who lacks depth as a human being. Who has no life experience to draw from to really empathize with the characters and craft around it an emotionally visceral narrative. This is someone who lives their life as a simulation, pressing the right buttons, making the right choices to get the predictable outcome. If you told me Vivienne Medrano was actually a prototype android AI, I would believe you. This is how a computer thinks humans feel, even the abrupt changes in emotion is simulation of an AI program. Things move unnaturally fast in a computer, hours are like years in terms of social media. So I don’t think anyone is surprised that this feels like a script written and directed by ChatGPT.

This episode I didn’t find triggering. The episode itself does not affect me. What does trigger me is knowing the kind of person needed to make an episode like this in the first place. I don’t think anyone should necessarily be banned from telling any sort of story, but the byproduct of a machine and internet algorithms should never be allowed to tell human stories.

-20/10

[brunhielda]

As I am unable to indulge in my yearly Independence Day tradition this year, I instead reccomend it to total strangers on the internet.

(If you are reading this and it is not July 4th, USA, this is still a decent recommendation in general)

Watch 1776, the movie musical from 1972. (It is available on Amazon and Apple TV for less than $5, and is free with Hulu)

“Why?” I hear you ask, “would I watch that old thing when I have Hamilton?”

Firstly- I will not compare quality. The two shows are apples and oranges and the only thing they have in common is the subject matter being the Revolutionary period of the USA.

I will openly admit that Hamilton has much more dynamic staging/dancing, and there is simply no rap to be heard in 1776.

That said, reasons you absolutely SHOULD watch it:

1) You have already seen Hamilton. Presumably you have not seen 1776. It will be something new.

2) The line “Sit down John, you old f-!” from Hamilton is a reference to this musical, so you know Lin Manuel Miranda is a fan.

3) The main character, John Adams, is played by a much younger William Daniels. You may know him as “Mr. Feeny.” And yes. He is glorious.

4) You will enjoy such fun quips as-

“I have better things to do than stand around listening to Benjamin Franklin quote himself.”

“Hold on John- that was a new one!”

(Arguing with God)

“A simple plague of locusts I’d accept with some dispare. But no, you gave us Congress! Good God Sir, was that fair?”

“May my horse be turned to glue if I can’t deliver unto you a resolution on Independancy.”

(Said horse- a paid actor- turns around to bite him)

Jokes from old congressmen about being so old it hurts to piss.

Jokes about bull testicles.

(Refusing to help write the Declaration)

“I cannot write with any style or proper edicate! I don’t know a participle from a predicate! I am just a humble cobbler from Connecticut.” (He is so relatable for that. The whole song is one big- everyone is trying to ditch this “group” project)

5) Thomas Jefferson being too horny to work is a major plot point.

6) The most romantic subplot in this film, and I mean, actually beautifully romantic, is John arguing with his wife, Abigail, via letters. Best part about that is these parts are straight from their real historical letters. Perfect in every way. 🥰

7) The discussion on Slavery is intense. I will say this version of events paints Jefferson rather rosy, but it was written before we knew what we knew about him, and he is documented as fighting hard to end slavery with the founding of the nation. It is bizarre, knowing that, that he continued on in the manner he did. People are multifaceted, and some just get worse with age.

But the part in this movie that is worth watching is the argument the South gives back. Thier argument is basically “If we are sinning by this practice, then you are sinning with us, because you benefit.” While it is a lack luster argument to keep doing as you are doing, it does allow a nuanced understanding of privelege before the term was even used in that manner.

It also delivers a bone chilling example of the triangle trade in the form of a song that has haunted me since childhood.

“Molasses to rum to slaves. Who sails the ships out of Boston? Laden with bibles and rum? Whose fortunes are made in the triangle trade? Hail Charleston! Hail Boston! Who stinketh the most?”

8) “Cool Considerate Men” is also bone chilling, as a bunch of conservative congressmen dance calmly while listening to a casualty report from Washington. The song will never not be relevant.

9) In the same way, “Mama Look Sharp” will always always bring me to tears. It is a song from a Messenger Boy sent with Washington’s missive from the front. He sings about his friend calling for his mother as the young boy lay dying on “the green.”

The green was where people held meetings and parties and festivals- the green is the old fashioned version of “the Town Park.” The first battles for freedom were faught in town parks, where boys crawled off under thier favorite tree to die.

In light of everything that we have heard about fighting for freedom around the world, the line “The soldiers they fired! Oh Ma, did we run. Hey! Hey! Mama, look sharp,” is making me cry right now, and I haven’t even heard this song in a year. 😭🎶

10) “Is anybody there??? Does anybody care?! Does anybody see what I see? I see Americans, ALL Americans, FREE, forever more! Is anybody there??? Does anybody care?! Does anybody see what I see?”

The older I get the more I relate to John Addams screaming into the void because he simply cannot fix all the problems by himself.

There is more I could say about this musical, but at that point it would just be telling. Go watch the film. It’s funny and fun and poignant and powerful, and might make you cry. As good broadway often does.

[suzannahnatters]

I have finished watching MR SUNSHINE, and there was so much that I loved about this prestige kdrama. The writing of the heroine was SO good in how it discussed and defied some of the worse kdrama-heroine tropes. There was amazingly trenchant and deeply nuanced social criticism, gorgeous cinematography, lots of fascinating history, the warmest and most positive depiction of Christianity I've ever seen in a kdrama, men who drink respect women juice, the beautiful and angsty Gu Dong-Mae, FABULOUS period clothing, and rivals in love learning to put aside their differences in favour of shooting imperialists.

But the show has a major flaw - a flaw that was particularly interesting to me, because it's the precise sort of flaw that I would be most prone to. The screenwriter, who does such brilliant work in so many other ways, is clearly most fascinated by the themes and symbolism she keeps bubbling away in the story's subtext. The problem is that these themes and symbolism - which delightfully clever - are not actually supported by the storytelling, and particularly by the characterisation.

And it's a really fun, rich, resonant bit of symbolism: Ae-Sin is not just a character in the story, she's the living embodiment of Joseon Korea. She's beautiful, desirable, noble, privileged, gradually awakening to a life of hardship and struggle and resistance. Each of the three male leads in the story has a different complicated relationship with her. Eugene has run away from Korea, but returning as an adult cannot help falling in love with the land and the people in defiance of the nobility who mistreated him as a boy. Gu Dong-mae was horribly oppressed by his homeland but cannot help loving it anyway; the Korea which oppressed both men also saved their lives through small acts of kindness. And finally, Hee-Sung, Korea's richest son, is her approved betrothed, but past injustices committed by his family against the people Ae-Sin cares about stand between them. The three men fall in love, not with Ae-Sin, but with their homeland. They express their love for the woman by sacrificing themselves for the homeland; in dedicating themselves to her, they cannot help dedicating themselves to the fight for freedom.

This is why the story had to have a sad ending. None of these men can espouse the whole country; they can only die for her, while Ae-Sin - Korea itself - lives on, alone and victorious, even in exile.

This symbolism is itself delightfully rich, deftly painted, and rewarding to think back upon once you see it. There's only one problem: it doesn't. make. sense.

From the very start of the show, I felt a little impatient with the writing because the relationships between the heroine and her three suitors are so poorly developed. The feelings come out of nowhere. Take Gu Dong-Mae, for instance: he last met this woman when she saved his life as children. Now, it just takes a brush of her dress across his fingers to get him pining madly for her. Hee-Sung, after avoiding her for the best part of a decade, gets one glimpse of Ae-Sin at the washing-line and just like that conceives an undying passion for her. The central relationship, between Ae-Sin and Eugene, doesn't fare much better. The problem is that the story demands each of the male leads to sacrifice himself for Ae-Sin by the end of the show, and I simply couldn't understand why they should. They all have multiple other women pining for them, and Ae-Sin doesn't give two of them the slightest encouragement to hope. I wanted them so badly to find happiness with one of the other women, and they never did.

What MR SUNSHINE needed was not primarily rich and complex symbolism - it was believable characterisation and relationship development. As it was, the lack of substance to the relationships cheapened the grand historical tragedy which was being told. When at the climactic moment the last of the three leads sacrifices himself for the heroine, it felt cheesy and unintentionally funny, rather than tragic.

I loved so much about this story, but the heart of it never clicked for me, and it's a crying shame that with all that budget and talent, it wasn't better written. And that, for me, will be the central tragedy of MR SUNSHINE.

[acapelladitty]

can we unpack kinks in your inbox? you seem like a very open person and your blog seems like a safe place for this, but if this crosses any boundaries feel free to ignore.

i think i have a full-blown misogyny kink when it comes to fictional male characters and I feel guilty about that. it ranges from just liking protective/possessiveness to being into straight up noncon and enslavement fantasies. but i am a feminist, i believe very strongly in (and vote for!) women’s rights. i’ve always had noncon fantasies, like since i was a teen, and I struggled with guilt about that tube, but mostly put it in its place.

but now, with this enjoyment of fully misogynistic male characters and yet being so upset at all of the misogyny that exists in the world (the result of the US election have devastated me), I don’t know how to square those things and it makes me feel weird and bad.

I honestly don't mind asks like this but I would say that I can only give my two cents on the subject and I am in no way an expert or the be all and end all in terms of what I think. I'll put my thoughts below the cut xx

In terms of kink, I don't think for a moment that you are alone in having, or wrong for having, a misogyny kink. It's quite common I think and the fact that you have examined it and are comfortable with understanding that it's simply a kink and does NOT reflect your actual views is a healthy outlook imo.

For me, a misogyny kink is very similar to a femdom kink in that it comes down to wanting to have an excuse to release your stresses and hand over power to someone else. The same goes for cnc and non con fantasies. Having someone tell you what to do and how to do it and taking away all those tricky responsibilities and thoughts and needs can be a huge relief to people. Plus, it's role-play, and many people enjoy playing pretend as it's taboo and exciting.

Misogyny and cnc fantasies are a way of going "well obviously I don't WANT to have this person doing all these wicked, nasty and temptingly taboo things to me but how can I POSSIBLY resist when they're just so big and strong and powerful and oh well".

It's a release of shame and taboo in such a way that it just be justified as all part of an act that you and a partner/partners are comfortable with. And that's a key point. All involved have to be comfortable with what's been discussed and agreed upon, the dom has a responsibility of care to ensure that their sub is having their needs met but the sub also has a duty of care to ensure that they keep to the established rules/safe words and are able to support the dom if necessary after any play is finished.

A misogyny kink can be really hot. Having a person treat you like a stupid piece of meat who only exists to be fucked and used is a hot concept and, again, it allows people to melt the world away and focus on their own pleasure and/or bringing pleasure to their partner. And there's nothing wrong with that as long as both parties know what the score is. These kinds of kinks can easily exist alongside a strong feminist and moral standing and people who cannot see the grey areas of such things are lacking nuance in how the world works.

[castlebyersafterdark]

i totally agree with anon about emotional vulnerable will, and i've tried to figure out his hatedness too.

i've come to the conclusion that selfishness and fear of chaos is at the core of this. people place themselves at the centre of their own universe. 'me and mine' and individualism in western culture. if a man is emotional, he is unable to 'get shit done'. this probably means making money or aiding 'progression' in society, like building new property developments or changing political landscapes, for example.

for women, being too emotional also stops shit getting done, because women have infiltrated the male workplace.

so basically, fear of emotion and vulnerability is a fear of chaos and lack of structure. when people behave according to how they feel, they make rash decisions that dont fit inside an agreed societal structure. this could be on an extreme end, like someone with severe mental incapability who cannot function in society, or on an everyday basis, such as, a woman who gets pregnant and can no longer be a model employee due to needing to attend to her bodily needs first.

and often, humans need to put their emotions aside in order to function, not just in our invented societal ways, but in life, to survive. for example, a mother caring for a child who hurts herself - how will she deal with both things at once? one must be suppressed and dealt with later.

but society has pushed this to the max so theres barely room for emotional expression nowadays.

i cant wait to see how will USES his emotions to save the world, because i truly think that if sensitive people who are emotion-oriented could run things, the world would be a better and slower and safer place.

Tend to agree with some of this - definitely the individualism aspect. I think partly it's definitely akin to being unable to put yourself in another's shoes - big time in society all over these days. Globally, human nature rather than specific, tbh.

Most don't want to feel weak or out of control, yes, and for a lot of people seeing someone being emotional makes them uncomfortable or judgemental. They don't want to be that way, themselves. A lack of empathy from many. But yes - the mindset of anyone being too emotional as a detriment towards a productive, functioning member of society. Men cannot be emotional as it will prevent shit happening and women not being awarded the opportunity from the get-go due to assumed emotional roadblocks. And all the nuanced in-between. No one is rewarded.

But like you said - there is a time and a place for control and for succumbing to emotion, and allowing you to feel how you feel, or setting it aside to help someone else. Emotions as power, or sitting with a very human moment where yeah, maybe it is a moment of weakness - but isn't that so very human? We can't be strong every time. Recognizing that someone can be weak but can also be strong and that's just a part of being alive. The problem is not being allowed to be a human rather than a machine or a production line or a cold being.

Towards the show itself - loving the arc and idea that Will, who is a character with a wide range of clearly expressed emotion - using that as tied to power. Being caring and soft as something strong. How his huge emotions have led to destruction at times (yelling out and standing up for himself instead of self-protection and fear which led to possession, being upset and emotionally destroyed leading to the destruction of the fort). How, if you subscribe to this theory, his extreme fear instead of fighting, right at the beginning when he was cornered in the shed - the idea that Will's emotion and fear created the vision of the UD that we have. Not that he created the entirely of the UD but he shaped it upon arrival. How his emotional state could be beneficial in some way in the future story. I think in whatever way - Will as his authentic self is going to propel the story and save the day.

if sensitive people who are emotion-oriented could run things, the world would be a better and slower and safer place.

AGREE ❤️

[godlesslittlecreatures]

Creature’s Petyr x Catelyn Masterlist, Part I

I've read it all...so you don't have to. 

I was delighted to get back on this app and find that there was demand for something like this. Even in the time since I started compiling this list, I've seen a few other lists going around, which makes my previously-closeted-PxC-shipper heart fucking sing. Y'all, I am not exaggerating when I say I very well may have read every single fic ever written for this pairing. That's both a fool's errand and impossibly easy considering the sheer lack of content, as I'm sure you know yourself if you're reading this post. 

I have stirred the dust at the very edges of the internet in my desperate, months-long search for quality content for this pairing. And believe me you, I'm no stranger to the disappointment of seeing something tagged "Petyr Baelish/Catelyn Tully Stark" (I encounter this issue more on AO3 than anywhere else, really), only for it either be an ancillary detail of the story, straight up nonconsensual, or an attempt by a butthurt ficwriter to punish two characters that so many people in the fandom seem to, at best, grievously misunderstand. Mistagging has caused me many an hour of eventual disappointment and cost me many a precious hour of my life that I will never get back.

But, even after wading chin-deep in all the shit this fandom has to offer, I have found gold. I'm here to prove it exists, if you only know where to look.

But Creature, what makes a fic good? How do you ascribe worth to something so subjective?

I've been told I'm a harsh critic, but this is less about literary merit than it is assessing quality as it pertains to the ship. Of course, many of these DO have some kind of literary merit, or, at least, are enjoyable to read. I grade a fic based on the following rubric, let's call it the Four Commandments of Petelyn Fic :

any acts of a sexual nature MUST - and I cannot stress this enough - be consensual. Do what you do, write what you write - I'm not here to police anyone's work. But don't put a pairing in the ship tag if anything that would earn it that slash between the characters' names is happening against either party's will. I simply will not read it. 

Petyr and Catelyn must have AT LEAST 2 face-to-face, one-on-one conversations. If you're going to use that damn slash, it doesn't have to be the principal element of the story, but it better feature in the foreground of the story, at least. It cannot just be a background detail that's mentioned once, off-handedly, at the end of a 63 chapter fic (true story, y'all). Better yet, it should have significant bearing on the plot, not unlike the way the relationship between the two does in canon - but that's a tall order, apparently. 

I alluded to this earlier. As an extensions of the first tenet - I do not want to feel the heat of the writer's hatred for the two characters through the story. So, SO often will people throw this pairing into some kind of canon divergent something or another and thrust them into each other's arms as a punishment for their Crimes in canon. Cat is Big Mean to Jon, so she gets the boot from Ned and ends up with Caricature of Petyr Who Lacks Any And All Nuance That Made The Character Interesting In The First Place to pay for Her Sins. I'm reading a fic because I like the characters, and I like the idea of them together (or, in many a case, him pining after her), not to stand beside someone on their moral high ground as they punish the two with each other. Again, not here to police anyone's work, so if you hate them both and want to take them to task by forcing them into some kind of relationship, be my guest! But don't expect to find your fic listed here. 

I have my own personal preferences (submissive Petyr, as I am not attracted to dominant men and genuinely don't think he would fill the dominant role in this relationship; I'll always prefer to read something requited, but that's even rarer a find; I'm not entirely crazy about AUs but can make exceptions, etc.) but I am trying to keep this as objective as possible. This list includes a pretty wide range of stuff, all of which I've enjoyed enough to reread at least once.

This may all seem like it goes without saying, but you'd be surprised. 

My credentials? A degree in TV and Film. I've read the books, and have studied the first three seasons of Thrones so closely that if I close my eyes I can watch full scenes in my head. I've been writing fic, fiction, television, and short films for 12 years, and reading and watching for nearly twice as long. And, most importantly, I'm a feral goblin who is batshit insane over these two. 

This list features fic from every corner of the internet - AO3, Tumblr, Live Journal. I unfortunately have been very hard-pressed to find anything that suits my fancy on FF.net, but if anybody has any recommendations (in line with the above), I intend for this list to be a living document.

And no, before anyone asks, I do NOT ship Petyr and Sansa. Respectfully, please keep that far the fuck away from me.

So, without further ado, here's a list of a very picky Petyr x Catelyn girlie's favorite fics.

An EXCELLENT starter kit. This is a three-part series that's currently updating. There are other things going on outside of them, but the relationship is essential to the story, thanks to the Cat POV chapters. This was the gateway drug for me way back when I still felt shame for shipping these two, and I love it still to this day. I love this series so much that, when I received the update notification for a particular Catelyn chapter in the middle of my college graduation, I dropped everything to read it. It moves fast, the political landscape is explored thoroughly, the divergence from canon is both plausible and interesting, and if you're not into smut, it's pretty fade-to-black.

Another one I read just after I'd taken the plunge down the rabbit hole. This is a notable exception to my general aversion to AUs - it works here, the real-world transpositions are not only believable, but clever! It features some pretty complex and subversive relationships between the characters; the PxC is certainly a critical, foreground element, but not always in the most immediately obvious way. Definitely had me Giggling and Kicking My Feet throughout. Refreshing is certainly a word. Obligatory smut advisory on this one, though.

Yes, I know, but hear me out. If you want to sample the best of the PxC wares the internet has to offer, you're gonna have to get down and dirty with Google's 'translate website' feature. This one is WORTH IT. I still tear up every time I read this. I have a particular soft spot for it because it reminds me of a short film I wrote/directed in college about my own experience with rejection and first love.

I believe this one is locked (meaning it requires an AO3 account to access), but making an account is both free and worth it. Yes, I know Winds is never coming out, but in my own delulu canon, this is it, this is the book. End series. Roll credits. 

Short as hell, you get the idea, but still fade-to-black if smut isn't your thing. It's hard to find good, dirty fic for this pairing. I do not currently have the mental bandwidth to be the change I wish to see in the world, but I will gladly support anyone with more patience than I.

Another locked one...oh no, I guess you'll just have to make an account.

Locked, again, but you know the drill. I believe it's by the same writer as the above. Always haunted by things that invoke Ewan McGregor's line in Moulin Rouge! - "thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love."

Not PWP but smut with themes, a favorite subgenre of mine.

Wholesome fluff to temper the fires of the above.

I think this may have been the very first one I ever read. Short and sweet, I revisit it pretty often.

Unfortunately, Tumblr only lets me add ten links at a time, so this is Part I of a multi-part series. I'll keep this post pinned at the top of my blog and add a link to succeeding parts in the comments.

I intend for this to be a living document - if you have any recommendations, my inbox is always open. Happy reading, my fellow PxC shippers :)

[hexastitchimera]

I think I understand now why I'm honest to Stars nervous every time I interact with online communities like the animation meme one, the furry one, etc.

It's for the exact reason why I'm terrified of talking to former classmates who entered nursing school.

A huge majority of the vocal minority never left behind their grade school bully mentality. I'm not kidding, throwing insults, or even calling anyone childish. This is as big of a problem as it is in nursing, and it takes lives in the exact same way. I'll explain.

Having had family who were in the medical field, I have heard utter horror stories about one side of nursing. Not even in a medical malpractice sense. But how some of them can have the sweetest, "empath" mask on when they are around you, but will smear your name behind your back at the very least, try to get you disciplined/fired (especially if you're a "rival" nurse/student) at unfortunately common worst.

Now, because I am a firm believer in nuance, I have to state that for as many malpracticing nurses there are, there are just as many nurses who put their patients before their ego always. I myself have had several nurse family members who didn't have even the slightest infraction to their records, and retired late despite how their patients AND fellow MPs yearned for them to stay.

But, it has to be said: It only takes one to kill. One word, one intentional slip-up, one accidental pill too many. The side of the accuser only need speak, while the side of the victim has to frantically fight for their right to the role- to the life- they worked so hard for.

Why? Well, because it's easier to destroy the perceived enemy than it is to build your own self up. Destroying the competition has been a tale as old as time, and it can ALWAYS be for the pettiest of reasons.

If you want more of your supervisor's attention for better odds at better pay, intimidate and belittle nurses of your standing or lower so they're demotivated, demoralized, and struggling in comparison.

Hell, if you just don't like another nurse, watch their every move, and rat on the few, harmless, honest mistakes they made!

Who cares how many patients die, either because of a growing lack of nurses, or because of straight up nurse-on-nurse sabotage!

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Do you see how people can put the grandstanding of their own ego above entire LIVES?

The near-homeless artist whose callout you are mindlessly reblogging, what of their life?

The kinky trans woman?

The genderqueer person with neopronouns and "conflicting" labels?

The literal teenager who doesn't- and CANNOT- know better because of their horrifically bigoted family? Not without external guidance, of which they can only have through the online, and are immediately shunned from?

You all want an easy answer.

There are none here.

There never will be.

The only answer is to practice media literacy, to wait until both sides have come out with their sides of the story, and to understand a very rarely spoken of Golden Rule:

If it isn't hurting anyone nor contributing to harm period, mind your own business.

Otherwise, if still hard pressed:

What do YOU get out of ending the life of someone as they know it?

If it's the same sense of satisfaction a cop would get, I don't know what to tell you.

All I know is that you cannot, AND SHOULD NOT, be doing their "job" for them.

And if you do, wipe that ACAB off of your bio.

We do not use the weapons of the oppressor on our own. ESPECIALLY on our youth.

[starlsssankt]

RE: this gifset

Where do I even begin?

I mean, I'll preface this all with "yes, yes, atrocities committed and countless lives lost and he's a murderous immortal" blah blah blah. I know what the story is trying to say with this character, but bear with me, okay?

One of the things I love about villains/morally grey characters is the reasons behind why they do what they do. I need the nuances, I need the explanations, the whole "why why why" answered. I need to be able to get in their head and reasonably explain the thoughts behind what led to certain actions.

Which is why I cannot STAND it when some shows/books/etc. diminish those complex characters down to one-dimensional "Disney villains". But that's a rant for another day.

When it comes to the Darkling, I think this set shows really well (and it was one of the better scenes done in s2 of the show, let's be honest) how many times he's gone through the same old path, the same old fight, lost more people than anyone can remotely imagine...

I've always head-canoned, of course, that he tried to work "within" the system at first. He tried the peaceful approach, the "let's get more rights for Grisha, let's get them a safe place in society" by whispering in different ears of the nobility/royalty, by trying to orchestrate it as, I don't know, "legally" as he could.

Every single time, it didn't work. It either wasn't enough, or he didn't have the power to truly affect the change he wanted, or whatever the reason, he came to the conclusion that the only language those in current power would understand was VIOLENCE.

(To reference different real life things, you have it with every sort of marginalized group in history, every sort of revolution/rebellion/etc. There are those who work in the "peaceful" way and then those who are more "radical" about it. I firmly believe Aleksander started as the former and after so many (life)times, became the latter.)

The only other being that he knows that is enough like him that he doesn't really fear losing them, is his mother. Until such a point that Alina comes along and ...

Yeah. Another topic for another day.

But even then, ultimately, he does lose Baghra. And in that moment, he feels that overwhelming pressure of being utterly, truly alone. No one else bears what he does, no one else has seen what he has, has endured what he has--so how could they possibly understand?

Of course, after all those lifetimes, of seeing the same thing happening again and again and again-- He cracked, for lack of better words.

I mean, we see in Demon in the Wood how he was as a child, how Grisha lives in general were. Think of any marginalized group in history, and imagine being not only a part of that group, but marginalized even within that group.

That is what he and Baghra endured. Not only were they marginalized because they were Grisha (which dealt with enough prejudice on that fact alone), but they were shadow summoners, which marginalized them even from other Grisha. (Tack on the whole "he's an amplifier" and you get even more distance.)

So of course, after (who knows how many) lifetimes and decades and centuries, after losing friends and lovers and every single person he meets and knows (outside of Baghra) to (and I quote) "sickness, desperation, hate, and time", he's closed himself off from letting anyone in.

What's the point, when he'd just lose them? Why let himself feel anything for anyone else when they'd fall in one way or another, and he'd continue trudging onward...?

And there's the whole "reinvent yourself" aspect he names here, too. Because yes, think about it: He can't just continue in the same line. He has to become an entirely new person. Lies and half-truths that make up one identity after another... To never quite be known by the truth of who you are, to the point even your true name isn't what you're called?

What sort of mess does that do to a person's sense of self? Their identity? He clings to his name tattooed on his heart because he doesn't want to lose who he is-- and I don't even want to think of the mess his head ultimately is in, after doing all of this for literal centuries. (Dude needs major therapy but yeah...)

I mean, has he ever known a moment's peace? Because let's remember:

Grisha (marginalized)

Shadow Summoner (further marginalization within that)

Amplifier (secrets b/c lack of touch, assassination attempts, etc.)

Immortal (literally outlives every single other being save one and then ultimately even does that when Baghra dies)

All those facets of who he is, not a single one of them let him know peace. Prejudiced with some of them by others, literally hunted and killing attempts by others (amplifier)...

I mean, this guy was totally messed up from the get-go. (Again, dude needs major therapy.)

But yeah... ultimately, his intentions were right. And can we really blame him (completely) for shattering after all this? After a past like this? For finally saying "you know what, fuck it. they want a monster, i'll give them a monster to get the result" or whatever.

And I will now end (sort of) this rambling post with the fact that I don't think anyone could have acted the hell out of this character like Ben did. To put forth those nuances and give him depth that even the pages themselves sometimes lacked.

I've said it before and I'll say it one more time here: I love the Grishaverse for a lot of the potential it had. The avenues to really dig in and explore, the nuances and the motifs of light and dark and yin and yang...

I'd kill for some more of that... yeah...

Okay. I'll stop now.

(Sorry this got so long... Oops.)

[cwarscars]

🔥

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion.

i'ma shape this one around the final fantasy vii fandom and go off on my usual spiel ( or, old spiel? cause i haven't chatted it in a while lol ).

i honestly despise the lack of love that the side-characters get as a whole from the fandom. i really don't like what the remake did for the franchise ( i do love the remake, don't get me wrong, but i think it bought about some of the fandoms worst traits ), and i cannot stand the 'one rule for thee, another for me' mindset that fans have regarding characters.

let's start with numero uno - so, obviously i write heid. lol. he's not particularly liked & that's totally fine...but man. finding content for him is horrible. there's nothing. like, barely anything. the few fics that exist are either rape fics or are ( and i hate saying this ), sorely out of character. the art is few and far between and usually more bara-anime-oriented. overall, i feel like i'm drinking from a dried up well. actually, nah. there was no well in the first place.

i always understood that heid isn't exactly the character who would get much fanfare but it's so disheartening to shift through five million pics of 'x' character and find two of heid. i can't even draw ( or at least, im not at all confident in my art ) and yet i took to drawing heidegger all of the time because i had to start making content for him. and in doing so - my art gets no regonition and is totally ignored anywhere but here. i think if i drew a popular character, i'd maybe get more attention but...i can't bring myself to do so.

in general though; heid isn't the only one. even reeve is quite underrated and ignored by the fandom as a whole (or implied to be an owo cat boy which makes me cringe). even, dare i say, barret is often shoved aside in favour of the more 'popular' characters ( the whole tifa/cloud are now marlene's parents suggestion by some people enrages me, like, wtf? )

secondly, i don't like what the remake did for the fandom because i think it bought the worst out in the fans. it appealed to cloud/sephiroth shippers despite that ship making no sense. you could argue the sephiroth cloud sees is just an extension of himself. they're both essentially jenova. but the remake makes it overtly sexual / suggestive. even as i played, all i could think was 'yeah, this was done for fan service'. i don't even think sephiroth should have been seen in remake part 1. ( obviously that'd never happen ).

but whereas there are things i adore about the remake. i think that they dumbed down the story and by extension, made the worse aspects of fandom writers become apparent. like, by making AVALANCHE basically entirely innocent ( despite being literal terrorists ) - they make shinra ENTIRELY evil. in the og, shinra were weirdly nuanced. they were 'evil' sure, but then they were also genuinly trying to save the planet from sephiroth. as for AVALANCHE; yes, they were fighting on behalf of good. but they did murder people in their quest to shut down reactors. in the og, reeve even calls barret out on this. but...now we probably wont get that? like, way to go rid your main heroes of any nuance. god forbid a hero does something bad.

my final point cause goddamn is this getting long is - i despise the way that the fans talk about characters & the whole 'LOL i can ship this but if you ship that then lol stinky gross smelly ewww'.

i've always wanted to explore shinra/heid as a young men. like, really explore their relationship. potentially even one-sided ship them. i love the idea of it, it's interesting and i imagine their dynamic was similar to tseng/rufus. how many jokes have i seen about shipping them? tonnes. but it's not okay to diss any other ship. make a joke about tseng/rufus and ohhh noo, you fucked up, kiddo.

i've seen people imply heidegger is a pervert because he commented on sephiroth being good looking. literally suggesting he 'creeps' on sephiroth and people wholly agreeing like 'omG LoL YEs' - as if calling someone good looking is an alien thing to do or means immediately that you want to bang them (smh).

in general, i constantly see the fandom make jokes about certain characters & imply that if you ship them, like them etc - 'loool something wrong with uuu'. it's dumb as shit. don't be mean about other people's preferences when half of the fandom can't take being told that cloud shouldn't be shipped with whoever.