#sorry i just. am thinking a lot today and this i needed to get out bc i keep looking in the mirror and seeing my late aunt and it's. a lot

[naomiayodele]

Naomi was prepared to shower him in all the love he deserved. " I love your laugh. You tend to do a little wheeze when something is really funny and It's fucking adorable. I tend to stare at you a lot because you're annoyingly dreamy and I love your pretty brown eyes. From a distance, the first thing I ever noticed about you was your smile. Then I am pretty sure hearing your voice made everything else around me sound like blah blah blah." She outed her younger self. She could remember the first time she seen him around the halls of Merrock High. From a distance, her eyes were immediately trained on him. Over time, only meeting and getting to know him really solidified that crush. Over the years, it just naturally developed into something she kept to herself and her journals as a teenager. Even as an adult, she found herself overthinking situations. She a worrier by default and that's because she knew she cared too deeply about the world and people around her. She wanted to make a good life and see that happen for others.

She wanted to experience all the good in the world with her person. He felt like her person in more ways than one. She kept quiet listening to his sweet words, smiling through it all. The butterflies in her stomach was turning into hawks. "You're different for me in the best way. It's like when you just know somebody is meant for you. You just feel when you meet your person you know. The one person that was you are..destined to be with. It feels like that, it feels that real. I want to do this with you. " She was positive her eyes were glossed over as she took in his words. He had managed to calm her fears and stop her overthinking about if all of this was too soon. It didn't feel that way - she hadn't been in a proper relationship in a long time . She smiled softly when he said that she wasn't crazy.

"We lost so many years and I don't want to lose anymore. I don't want to lose you at all. I want you to be mine every day, I want to explore the world with you. I want the lazy afternoons, the cuddling after a long day, the new experiences. I want us to experience this crazy world together. There is no one else I want to try new things with than you." No matter how desperately and impatiently she wanted to be with him, she wanted them to be secure and not burn out too quickly. "Sorry." She squeaked, playing with the ends of her hair. Naomi couldn't even form a complete sentence as his words replayed in her head on a never ending loop. She had never expected her valentine's day to go this way, she was still soaking it all in. Her eyes flicked up at him for a moment, smiling softly. "I'm all in. I am yours. Today, tomorrow and hopefully forever." She stroked his face, kissing him again. Naomi peppered his face with kisses and moved to pick up piece of brownie she dropped on the floor, tossing in the trash. "If I don't stop kissing you, we'll never leave this place." she spoke after washing her hands. "I can't help it though, I adore this cute face." she tapped his nose, opening the container of ice cream. "Well boyfriend, you can pick out some desert to go and we can start to head back to the hotel. I think I need that warm bed and cuddles now." just saying 'boyfriend' made her smile ear to ear that she was sure her cheeks was going to hurt from smiling so much.

"It is indeed Ms. Ayodele," he insisted with a wide grin, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment at her touch. Her fingers sending tingles up and down his spine, the way she intertwined them in his hair. He searched her gaze, her eyes, her smile, every intricate detail on her face. With every breath he could feel himself falling down that rabbit hole of feelings for her. "Be careful with what you wish for," he leaned forward, their foreheads touching, "though I'm not sure I can ever satisfy that craving of you." Then with a shaking of his head, he smiled softly, "I like your voice, and I like hearing what you have to say." And he would never grow tired of hearing her talk about anything, especially about something she was passionate about. He watched her, in awe of how comfortable she was around cutlery and baking, smiling at it all. "Good thing I enjoy chocolate, though whenever I'm around you, I don't need anything. Just you, and your smile, your eyes." He reached out to rest his hands on her waist, before bringing her closer to him.

In that moment he could only think of two things, kissing her and telling her how he truly felt. And before he could figure out what to do first, she mentioned something about how they weren't actually together. So he settled I what to do first, "you never have to worry about being too forward with me." He shook his head to reassure her, before bringing his face closer to hers, "and I want to be yours. Like I want you to be mine. I don't want it to just happen anymore. I want to make it happen, I want to be with you." His voice was even and barely above a whisper at this point, "I can't stop thinking about you and that kiss. You've been running marathons in my mind for days and I can't just be your friend. I want to be so much more than that." He had only taken a bite of the brownie they were sharing and for the first time in his life, he wasn't only thinking about the food. He was thinking about Naomi and all they can experience together, "you're not crazy. This between us is real, I can feel it." He gestured between them, the short distance making it easy to feel the warmth eminating from her. Watching as she went on about her feelings, he couldn't help but smile and chuckle along. "If you keep rambling like this, you're not gonna give me a chance to ask you to be with me you know." He laughed before her finger traced his lips, "you better start kissing me then." He leaned in as their lips pressed against one another, but in between kissed he replied "be mine. And not just for today. But for the other three hundred and sixty four days a year." He asked, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against him.

[apostaterevolutionary]

Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao

Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…

(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)

Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it

And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else

But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh

[outlying-hyppocrate]

well. did you fucking miss me.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

need a comic book wrapped or something so i can reflect on how obsessive i was

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[slimeciclecock]

Forgive me for the person I'll become when Missa releases all his new music <- delusional

[mars-ipan]

steroids have decided the two emotions for tonight are Gamer Rage and Deep Yearning Sadness

[truecorvid]

(guy who is not responding to texts voice) damn why do i feel all alone in the world

[girlivealwaysbean]

i was praised and loved for being the most low maintenance kid in a family with three kids and now i try to make myself as small and insignificant as possible and yet

[zipquips]

i haven't been to class or campus in a few days bc i'm having a tough time and i'm kind of upset none of my friends have noticed or reached out

[anothermonikan]

I don't think you can actually tell the difference between someone having a legimate issue or difficulty completing work vs someone 'just being lazy' that easily actually.

[exopelagic]

I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3

[skrunksthatwunk]

playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there

[lucifer-kane]

There's something about looking into the mirror and seeing the way I look with black hair and the style it is and seeing my late aunt in my features. To then remembering overhearing my mother and other aunt talking to each other, thinking I can't hear, about how much I look like her. Thinking about how she was probably a lesbian, but I was too young to know, but I knew her partner and I loved her a lot.

I'll see her around, we chat, it's wonderful. She had another partner I would see a lot when I lived with my sister-in-law while in high school, she is a tall silver short haired butch who calls me 'Silent Bob' because I don't chat much in person.

I think about how I was never told my Aunt Tracy was with a woman, only piecing things together in adulthood. And I think about how I wasn't alone in the family in being queer, but I never got to know her as a fellow queer, because she died before I was even a teenager. I wish I could have.