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illfoandillfie · 5 years ago

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What You Want Me To Be

FUTURE MANAGEMENT MASTERLIST

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Summery: Roger makes a suggestion that leads to a little role reversal

Warnings: SMUT (18+), hypnosis, bimbofication, sub!roger, dom!reader, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex,mild feminzation/sissification - specifically through appearance

Words: 9222

A/N: So this was a request from my 1000 follower celebration. It took me roughly a year to actually write the damn thing but I’m really glad I finally did it! At first I wasn’t quite sure how to write himbo Roger but I think I did an alright job... I just hope he’s dumb enough lmao. Also this took a bit of a turn into a kink I didn’t think I was actually into so I’m not sure what came over me but thank god it did.

Song title is taken from Closer To You by The Cross (yet another song by them with big sub energy). Inspo for the hypnosis parts came from a few “intro to hypnosis” videos that are on youtube but the biggest inspo was THIS sleep hypnosis asmr that popped up in my feed months ago.

Taglist: @laedymoon @vee-ndetta @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @ohladymoon

“I have a proposition for you,” Roger said out of the blue as he pulled himself up to sit on the kitchen bench. You looked up from the pot of soup you were keeping an eye on, watching that it didn’t boil over, “What sort of proposition?” you asked with narrowed eyes. With Roger a statement like that could lead to just about anything and you were instantly suspicious. “What if we…filmed ourselves having sex.” The wooden spoon you’d been holding clattered against the side of the pot as you dropped it into the soup, “You want to make a sex tape?” “Yeah, does that excite you?” He raised his brows suggestively. “Maybe a little. What inspired this idea?” “Well what’s the point in owning a video camera if we don’t put it to use?” he laughed, “Plus I guess I was thinking it’d be kind of hot to film you when you’re all bimbo-y,” That was certainly not what you’d expected. A sex tape was one thing, maybe a thing you could get on board with if the right precautions were taken, but a tape of you under his hypnosis was a whole other question. “Close your mouth, love, unless you want to catch flies,” He laughed again, “What do you think?” “What I think...,” you took a breath, struggled to find the right words, “I can’t believe you’d ask that of me.” Roger seemed a little taken aback at your suddenly negative response but quickly recovered, “If you’re worried about someone seeing it then there’s no need. It’s not like we’d show anyone. It’d just be for us, when we’re away from each other or, I don’t know, just for fun. You could see yourself when you’re all spaced out. I know you’re curious about it and this would be your chance to see yourself like that.” He was right, you were curious. How could you not be? You knew what it felt like to be in that headspace, knew what it felt like to go blank and to obey whatever was asked of you, but you didn’t know what it was like for Roger, why he enjoyed seeing you that way as much as he did. “Just think about it for a second, think about how fucking hot that would be. And really you’ve got nothing to l-” “Don’t. You can’t just say that and expect me to suddenly agree to whatever you want. I’m not a bloody puppet you can control with a magic phrase.” “That’s not what I was trying to do!” “We both know what that phrase means in the context of this relationship Roger. Nothing to lose,” you scoffed, “Nice fucking try but this isn’t a question of getting me to be less inhibited or convincing me it’d be fun or brainwashing me into agreeing.” “I didn’t mean it like that, you know I wouldn’t do-” “And I don’t care how hot it would be for you. Do you have any idea how scary the thought of us filming that is? How vulnerable I am when I’m like that?” “Of cou-” “No, you don’t. You don’t or you wouldn’t have ask- Fuck,” you swore as the forgotten soup that had been bubbling away began to boil over. Turning the knob until the stove was off you quickly focused back on Roger, “This isn't the same as spanking or, or being restrained or anything like that. I’m literally giving up part of myself every time we play with hypnosis, giving up control in a way that is so…complete. I know we have backup triggers in place so that I can safeword if I need to and I know you wouldn’t abuse your power over me, but fuck Roger. Asking me to go into that headspace while you record proof of it, asking me to be that vulnerable for an audience, even if that audience is just us, is asking a fucking lot.” You sighed and looked over at the pot, “I’m not hungry anymore, I’m going to have a shower.”

“Y/N wait,” Roger slid from the bench and tried to take your hand but you shook him off and headed upstairs to the bathroom where you could think in peace without Roger’s concerned eyes or a ruined dinner to distract you. You worried you’d overreacted; it was only a suggestion after all. Not like he’d been saying you should film it right that second. He’d only been feeling out your interest. But it was also undeniably bold of him to consider making that request, seemingly without considering how big of a request it was.

You took your time in the shower, let your heart stop racing, let your mind calm. You still didn’t know what you were going to say to Roger. Maybe you could compromise, film something that wasn’t quite so exposing. Ruling it out completely didn’t feel right, not when it was something Roger was interested in trying and he’d been so supportive of trying things that interested you. And it wasn’t like you didn’t understand why he’d find the idea exciting. It was risqué in a way that made it thrilling. A light form of danger like having a quickie in the bathroom at a party – knowing there's a slim chance someone will see you but also knowing you can lock the door. Plus there was that element of an ego boost, seeing yourselves on tape, proof that he was as good a lay as he’d always claimed, proof you fit together as well as you felt you did. And if that had been where the suggestion stopped, just you and him in front of a camera, that could have been fun. But then he’d gone and said the b word and turned it into something else, something performative and invasive and terrifying. You only left the shower, thoughts still jumbled, when the water began to run cold. Wrapping yourself in a towel you headed towards the bedroom to find your pyjamas. Roger was already there. “Can I at least put some knickers on before you start in on it again,” you said, failing to keep your tone civil. “Can you stop trying to bite my head off when I’m about to apologise?” You turned away from your closet and crossed your arms over your chest, pinning the towel in place, as you waited for Roger to continue. “I’m sorry I didn’t consider the magnitude of what I was asking. And I’m sorry I said that phrase too. You’re right, it does hold a lot of context for us and I never want you to feel like I’m trying to manipulate you or to exploit your hypnotic triggers to get my way.” You sighed, all the fight leaving you with Roger’s apology, “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry I stormed off like that. It’s just a lot y’know? Even thinking about filming that. There’s a reason you are the only person in the world who knows that I get off on that kind of thing. I had chances to tell exes and never took them because none of them would have got it, but you made me feel safe enough to share it and you understand it.” “I thought I did but you’re right, I don’t know what it’s like for you-" “No bu-” “But maybe I should.” “-t really I shouldn’t have expect- wait, what?” “Maybe I should know. And not because I’m trying to change your mind about the sex tape but I- I guess it doesn’t feel fair that I get to put you in that state without fully understanding it.” “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” “If you think I’m suggesting that you hypnotise me, then yeah, that’s what I’m suggesting.” “Really?” “I’ve thought about it before. You mentioned it once a few months ago, about turning me into your bimbo,” “That was a joke,” you said incredulously. “And a very funny one. But I kept thinking about it a bit anyway and then tonight...it makes sense to try it, don’t you think.” “Rog, I don’t know,” “Just consider it, please? I would like to understand what it feels like for you when you’re tranced. And I think if we both had an idea of what it was like from the other side it would just make it better and more fun.”

“Okay, I’ll consider it.”

“Thank you,” Roger stepped in close to you, laying his hand on your cheek as the other settled on your waist, “I just want to look after you,” “You already do,” you lay your hand over his, keeping him pressed against you as you leaned into his touch. “Then I want to make you happy,” “You do that too,” “You’re an argumentative missy aren’t you,” he said with a shake of his head. “You wouldn’t like me half as much if I wasn’t,” Roger laughed and let his fingers fall down to toy with the top of your towel, threatening to pull it loose, “Can we kiss and make up now? You’re already almost dressed for it,” his sweet smile and soft laughter was infectious, making it impossible for you not to join in. As the moment faded he caught your lips, still smiling, “I love you,” “I love you too.”

Later that evening, curled up in front of the TV with Roger’s arm loosely slung around your waist, you dared to broach the subject again. “Did you really mean it about me hypnotising you?” “What part of everything I said made you think it was a joke?” “Okay, I guess what I’m really asking is are you sure you want to try that?” You readjusted yourself, turning to face Roger more, “For one thing I’m not sure I could take charge the way you do. And you remember how long it took us to get it to work on me, right? I don’t know that I’d be capable of doing it to you.” “Well to be fair to us, part of why it took so long to make it work was that we had no idea what we were doing.” “Mmm yeah, that’s true,” “But we know more now. And it doesn’t have to work straight away, we can take our time with it and try out different things.” “And what about me not being good at being the dominant one,” “Love, I think you’re selling yourself short. I’ve seen you handle the people who work for you, I’ve listened to you control a conversation even with those dicks who try to talk over you constantly. I know how bossy you can be, and I mean that in the best way possible. All you need is to know what you want and to tell me and it’ll happen. Anything else – the dirty talk and stuff – that's gravy.” “I can be kinda bossy, can’t I?” you laughed, “Yeah, maybe I could try it.” “You wanna give it a try right now?” “Now?” your heart began racing at the thought. “Nothing big or serious. But I'm feeling very relaxed and mellow right now, figured it might be a good time to start.” “Um, okay, yeah.” “Just do what I normally do to you,” You pushed yourself to sit up a little and Roger shifted to lean his head against your stomach. With a breath to calm yourself, you brought your hand to Roger’s hair and began raking your fingers through it the way he liked. He hummed softly. “I, um, I don’t know what to say,” Roger looked up at you and smiled, “Remember how we first started, the inductions we tried? Just talk me through what you want to happen. If it works, I’ll drop right to sleep when you tell me to, and you can suggest I cluck like a chicken or act like a mime or whatever you want. Then it’s just a matter of waking me and watching it happen.” “It sounds so easy when you say it like that,” “It kind of is once you get the hang of it. Or maybe you’re just an easy subject,” “Are you still feeling relaxed?” “Mmhmm,” Roger looked up at you and smiled, “You’ve got this, love,” You took a breath and tried to copy what you’d seen Roger do so many times before, the calming, confident way he spoke, as you continued to stroke his hair, “Focus on me, baby, just focus on my voice. Feel your eyes get heavier with everything I say. Feel yourself relaxing more,” Roger hummed softly as his eyes fluttered shut. “That’s right, just relax, you’re doing so well baby. Feeling so nice and calm and relaxed. And just sinking deeper and deeper. Sleep, baby, nice and deep.” Roger’s eyes tightened and his lips twisted into a slight frown. “It’s okay baby, just relax for me.” “Sorry,” Roger said, opening his eyes, “It’s not working,” “I knew I wasn’t going to be any good at this,” “No, you’re doing well, it takes a bit of getting used to it all. Also the TV’s still on which makes it hard to focus. What you were saying was good though, maybe throw in some more repetition. And I think there’s something about how you’re saying it that isn’t working. You need to sound more confidant, like you actually believe it’s possible.” “Okay, noted. Um, can we try it with you sitting up? Then I can try some other stuff I remember from when you were learning, the forehead tap induction and the arm drop thing.” “Brilliant idea,” Roger pushed himself to sit up on the couch, getting comfortable as you stood to turn off the TV. You dropped back into the seat beside him, crossing your legs under you as you faced Roger. Once again you centred yourself and tried to conjure up the confidence you’d been missing. When you felt ready to try again you reached for Roger’s hand, tracing your fingertips over his palm, along the length of each finger, his thumb, the back of his hand. “Okay, here we go. I want you to relax for me, focus on your breathing, feel each breath filling your lungs, nice and deep. And feel the air leaving you as you breathe out again. And then back in, big deep breath. Feel yourself relaxing with each breath, feeling sleepy. That’s right baby, in...and out...and in again. Each deep breath making you relax more and more.” Roger’s eyes were shut, leaning his weight against the back of the couch as he breathed in time with your words. “That’s right,” you brought your hand up to his forehead and gave him a small tap, the way you remembered him doing to you the first few times he put you under, “And sleep.” Roger’s head slumped forward. “Good boy. That’s right, now keep breathing, keep relaxing. Deeper and deeper with each breath.” You couldn’t help but smile at seeing just how you were affecting Roger, how loose his shoulders were, how heavy his head hung. Maybe you were starting to understand why he enjoyed it. “That’s right, just let yourself relax, let yourself feel loose and calm. In a moment I’m going to lift your arm a few inches and drop it back down into your lap. Let me do all the work. All you need to do is stay nice and loose and limp and relaxed. And when you feel your arm drop down, you’ll notice how much more you can relax.” You reached for Roger’s arm again, taking it by the wrist, and tried to lift it just above where it rested. “Relax for me baby, nice and loose.” Once more you tried to lift his arm by the wrist but again he tensed up. With a sigh you tapped on his forehead again, “Wake up Roger,” Roger lifted his head and smiled at you, “that went better.” “Right up until you wouldn’t let me lift your arm.” “I didn’t?” “Nope.” “It’s harder being hypnotised than I expected,” he shrugged, “But we can try again, right?” “Yes, definitely. Maybe after I’ve had a bit more warning though, some time to prep.”

It took another couple of weeks for you to find an evening when you both felt up to trying again. But the break gave you time to prepare. You found an old library book Roger had never returned from when he’d been researching hypnotism and skimmed through it, making a few notes of things to try and how to try them. When it came time to test them you and Roger took up your spots on the couch once more as you got him to breathe calmly and focus on you. You dropped him into the trance with the same forehead tap you’d used before, since you knew it worked, and talking to him with as much calm and as much confidence as you could muster. But once more, as you attempted to lift his arm, you found him resisting. “Nice deep breaths baby, relax and let yourself go loose. You’ve got nothing to lose.” You were almost surprised when Roger made a small humming noise as you reached for his arm again and found yourself able to lift it a couple of inches into the air before dropping it back to his lap. “Doing so well for me baby, being so good, just let yourself sink deeper. Deeper. That’s right, nice and relaxed.” You played around with a few of the deepening techniques the book had suggested to strengthen the hypnosis, asking him to slowly and softly count to ten, asking him to repeat mantras. You had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing when you realised it had worked. You’d successfully hypnotised Roger. “Very good baby. Now in a moment I’m going to wake you up but when I do, you’ll feel as if you’ve been glued to the couch. You won’t be able to stand up and the more you try the harder it’ll be, okay? Three, two, one,” you tapped his forehead again, “wake up.” Roger raised his head, blinked a few times as he readjusted to the light. “How was that?” “Really good, I felt more comfortable not being in control that time. Still a weird sensation though. It doesn’t feel how I thought it would.” “How so?” “I guess I expected to like black out completely but that’s not really it, is it? I still feel...alert?” “I know what you mean. It’s like you still feel like your awake even though everyone talks about sleep and it kind of doesn’t feel like its working, right?” “Exactly! What about for you?” “It all worked I think. You resisted a bit at first but I kept talking to you and got you to relax more and everything was fine.” “God that’s hot,” “I know right,” you laughed, “actually, do you mind getting me a glass of water, I’ve been talking a fair bit and my throat feels a little scratchy,” “Sure thing love,” Roger nodded, flashing you a soft, dreamy smile, as he braced his hands on the edge of the couch. But as he tried to stand the smile slipped from his face and his brow crinkled in confusion. “You okay Rog?” “Yeah, uh, just,” he tried to stand again, “I can’t ge- Y/N you fucker,” “I wanted to see if giving you a suggestion would actually work,” you laughed, “apparently it does.” “Alright you can stop this now. Please,” “Sleep,” you tapped on his forehead, watching as his head dropped forward once more,” “When I wake you, you won’t feel stuck to the couch anymore, you’ll feel entirely normal and be able to stand with ease. Wake up.” The tap brought Roger’s attention back to you for a moment before he pushed himself to his feet successfully. “Thank you,” “You’re welcome. How do you feel?” “Like normal. That was great though.” “It’s fun isn’t it, being put under like that,” “Almost as fun as putting you under.”

You laughed along with Roger as you headed to the kitchen, “I do feel more confident about it all now though. But I’m still not entirely sure how to do the next part and get you to go all bimbo-y.” “The trick is to try a longer induction. Just talking, almost like a conversation. I find it makes for a better drop than the suddenness of a forehead tap or a click or anything like that. I guess because there’s more opportunity to make you feel like it’s all your idea, which granted it often is. But it gets the brain to accept the bimbo-ness more easily. The only time I might use a quicker induction is if we’re playing with fractionation but that’s more advanced, and we want to keep this fairly basic.” “Easier for both of us then. Do you have a script you follow?” “Not exactly. I mostly wing it but there are a few things I tend to try and use. If I can tie it into something you’ve said, that always helps. Like if you say I’ve had a shitty day at work and need to stop thinking about it all, then I’d talk to you about letting go of the day, forgetting about work, stuff like that. If you say you want to play because you’re bored, I’d say something about how you can’t be bored without a brain or how taking dick is a good way to fill time or something like that. It builds on your existing feelings and makes everything stick better. Repetition is always helpful, counting, ummm what else,” Roger clicked his tongue thoughtfully, “You respond really well to touch so I try and play with your hair or rub your back as I talk just to focus your attention. Oh, of course I try to say you’ve got nothing to lose, or variations of it, at least a couple of times. Partly because that’s one of the trigger phrases I set up when we started doing this properly but also because, well, y’know, us.” “I think I can remember all of that,” “Don’t overthink it, love. Just say whatever comes to mind in the moment and go from there. You can always adjust what you’re doing as you do it.”

The next few attempts you made at hypnotising Roger were spent trying to get the hang of the longer, more conversational inductions. You tried the same methods he adopted, running your fingers over his arms and through his hair as you asked him to count his breaths, talking to him about his day or whatever was on his mind. Another time you tried something more traditional, getting him to watch one of his old necklaces as you swung it before his eyes. You had some mild success, able to put him under long enough to make small suggestions but not all of the suggestions worked. The real breakthrough came on a drizzly Saturday afternoon, sitting across from Roger on your bed, as you tried not to get too frustrated with how hard you were finding it to hypnotise him. “Love, don’t worry. You’ll get the hang of it. Honestly, hypnosis and drumming are kind of similar because-” Roger kept talking but you’d stopped listening, struck by a sudden idea. “So if you think of it like that the,...wait, where are you -?” “Just give me two seconds,” You quickly sped down the hallway and around to Roger’s office slash music room. Sitting on the shelf that hung over his desk – neat excluding the open notebook, the visible pages covered in lyrics that had been crossed out and scribbled over, and his journal where he kept track of all his meetings and other goings on – was what you were looking for. An old metronome Roger had been given to help him learn how to keep time on his first ever drumkit. Obviously unused now, though he held onto it thanks to a slight sentimental streak and the idea that one day he may be able to teach your children how to play. He seemed surprised to see it in your hands as you re-entered the bedroom. “Well,” you said as you placed it on the bedside table, “I figure that, since you’re so musically inclined, having a rhythm to focus on might help you drop. I hope this thing still works.” “Worth a shot,” “If this does make it easier to drop you, what, um, what should I do?” “Are you asking how to initiate sex with me?” “So you do want to take it in that direction? You don’t want to start smaller? We haven’t done any of the prep stuff with setting safe word triggers and all that.” “We hadn’t done any of that the first time we had sex while you were all bimbo-y, it was only after we decided to play with it more regularly that we add all the safety precautions. “Yeah, I know, but-“ “I don’t think you’ll be doing anything too kinky, right?” “I wasn’t planning on it,” “Exactly. It’s not like there’s going to be restraints or anything like that. Just good old fashioned missionary or whatever you decide. And you know I trust you.” “I just want to make sure you feel okay with it all. I know how important it is to feel safe for hypnosis to work,” “Y/N, it’s fine. If you can turn me into a dumb slut, please do. That’s kind of the whole point of this. Also, if we don’t fuck now then I’m just going to try it on before bed anyway.” You laughed and nodded, “dumb slut it is. Now, can you sit over here for me?” Roger nodded and scooted along the bed, turning to face the metronome as you set it ticking on a slower speed. When you were sure it was working you hopped onto the bed beside him, walking on your knees until you were kneeling behind his back. “You mean I don’t get to watch you?” Roger pouted over his shoulder, throwing an arm behind him to try and find your hand. You caught his flailing limb and gave it a squeeze as you took a breath and tried once again to summon the right voice, “No, I want you to watch the metronome,” gently you pressed on the side of his jaw, encouraging him to turn and face the metronome, “follow it with your eyes. Watch as it swings back and forth. Back. And forth. And listen to my voice. Watch the metronome, listen to me. Of course, you know what a metronome is for, don’t you?” Roger nodded, though his eyes remained glued to the swaying device. “Of course you do. You know it’s for helping to keep the correct tempo, tempo, tempo. Especially for anyone just starting to learn an instrument.” You spoke close to his ear, trailing your fingers down until you were resting your hands on his shoulders, “But today it’s going to help you learn something else. Or, rather, forget. Focus on the beat as you watch the pendulum. Back and forth, back and forth. That’s right, just like that. Focus on the beat, focus on the pendulum. Every click of the beat pushes your focus deeper and deeper as you watch it swing back and forth. Swinging and clicking. Clicking and swinging. Just like that. Let it take you deeper. You’ve got nothing to lose by going deeper. Good boy, keep listening to the beat. Every click pushes you deeper, every click. Deeper. Click. Click. Click. Deeper and deeper. And every time you sink deeper, you find it harder to keep your eyes open. Feel your eyes wanting to close with every click. Click. Click.” Roger rapidly blinked as he tried to keep his eyes open, humming in agreement. “Don’t fight it baby, just listen to the beat, listen to my voice. Your eyes are getting more and more heavy. Getting more and more tired. With every sway of the pendulum, back and forth, back and forth.” Roger’s head nodded forwards as his eyes slid shut. “That’s right, just like that. Being so good. You know there’s nothing to lose by following my instructions, getting sleepier and sleepier. I’m going to count you down now. Ten. Keep listening to that click, click, click. No need to fight it, baby. Listen to the clicking, listen to my voice. Nine. Letting go of all control and all your thoughts. Eight. Letting your brain empty. Every click makes your brain emptier and emptier. Nice and easy. Seven. No room for thoughts. Just the click, click, click of the pendulum and my voice, my instructions. Six. Nothing to lose by letting go of your thoughts, letting your brain empty. Becoming so good and dumb for me. Five. And as you feel your head empty, as all your thoughts fly out of your brain with that clicking, you feel something else. You feel hornier and hornier. Four. With every click, click, click, feel more and more leave your brain. Hornier and emptier, emptier and hornier. So easy and dumb for me. Nothing left to lose. Nothing in your head except for me. Two. Good boy, nice and deep and dumb and horny. One.” You paused for a moment but Roger didn’t stir, just kept breathing deeply, eyes shut. Trying not to panic that you’d done something wrong you gave him a final instruction, “When you feel ready, when your head feels empty and dumb I want you to wake up okay?” You fell silent again, nervously rubbing your hands over Roger’s shoulders as you waited for him to respond.

Thirty seconds or so later Roger slowly lifted his head, blinking his eyes open. You breathed a sigh of relief and stood up to stop the metronome. Roger looked at you, frowning slightly. “Hey, baby, how do you feel?” you asked, bending down to look him in the eye. “Um,” he scrunched his nose up, “head…heavy.” It was odd to say the least, seeing Roger, who was normally so quick witted and intelligent and well-spoken struggle to put together two little words, “Is that all?” “No?” He thought for a moment more, face breaking out into a grin, “Good. I feel good.” “I knew that you would now,” “You did?” “No, like the song Rog. I Feel Good by James Brown?” You moved back to the middle of the bed, taking a seat, cross legged, Roger watching closely and imitating you. “Song?” “You play the record constantly.” “Record?” “Fuck. This really worked,” you laughed, excited that, seemingly, you’d managed to pull it off. “What?” Roger cocked his head to the side, face once again crinkled up in concentration as he tried to understand. You had to laugh again, “Sorry baby but you look very cute when your confused,” Another smile crept onto Roger’s face. “What’s got you so happy?” “You said I’m cute,” “Okay well, you’re still Roger then.” “Am I still cute?” “Absolutely,” you giggled, “Can I ask you some questions?” Roger nodded rapidly. “What are you thinking about right now?” “Cunt.” There was no hesitation, no trying to find the right word this time, “I love cunt. Your cunt most of all.” “Some things don’t change,” you muttered more to yourself than Roger, “Any other thoughts?” This time he thought a bit harder, smile getting bigger as he voiced each one “Orgasms. Making you wet. Cunt.” “Christ, am I this one tracked when I’m tranced?” “What?” “Nothing baby. I have another question for you, what can you tell me about the drums?” you were curious to see how deep the hypnosis went, and because the drums were such an integral part of Roger’s life, his psyche, thought that it would be a good indication. “Umm…. Drums are,” he drew the word out as he thought, “loud. Loud and...fun.” “Can you tell me anything about playing the drums?” Roger concentrated for a moment, expression shifting to worry, “No?” “That’s okay, I’m just checking something. How do you feel now?” “Still good. Also...” “Also what baby?” “Horny? Yeah, horny.” It was like Roger had only just become aware that that’s what the feeling was, “Very horny.” “Very horny? That’s a good feeling though, isn’t it?” Roger nodded again, enthusiastic agreement. “And what should we do about it?” “Ummm,” “That’s okay, I’ll think of something,” you winked at Roger sending him into a fit of giggles. It was hard to wrap your head around seeing him like that but hearing him laugh helped. He wasn’t as giggly as you knew you were when you were tranced. Roger always mentioned the giggling after you’d woken back up, said it was one of his favourite things about bimbo you, how amusing you found everything. But he was a different breed of bimbo. You’d been expecting more laugher if you were honest since that’s how he got when he was drunk. (Well, he either fell about laughing and acting like a child, or he was suddenly ready to debate anyone about anything, depending on what and how much he’d had, but you could hardly expect someone with no braincells to even know what a debate was, so you’d expected laughter.) He was definitely happy, though, just smiley more than giggly. And he was very agreeable if the speed and enthusiasm he showed for your questions was anything to go by. You’d have to be careful when you eventually let him touch you or else he’d explode from happiness. The biggest difference though was his voice. He’d never had a terribly deep voice but now it was lighter than normal, less rough, more vapid. Nothing he said sounded certain and coming from a man who was normally sure of himself and who spoke like it, that was a big difference. But it was all quite arousing really. Knowing you’d been able to put him in this state, knowing that all his thoughts were directed at you. The very small part of you that got jealous and clingy purred at the notion. No band to share him with, no friends, no fans. He was all yours. And he was thrilled about it. “Are you ready yet?” “So impatient baby,” “Mmmmaybe. I want to touch you,” “You can in a minute,” you laughed at his eagerness, “I’m just not quite sure what to do with you. Normally you’d be the one bossing me around and I spent so much time worrying about how to turn you into a bimbo that I didn’t consider what to do with you once you were under.” Roger gave you another happily confused look though he was momentarily distracted by drops of rain running down the window behind you. You had to tap his knee to get his attention again. “Alright, alright. I’m pretty horny myself and I think I’d like to get off so….” You considered your options for a moment, “You always like making me go down on you when I’m all brainless and stupid, so I think that’s what we’ll start with. You can eat me out.” Roger jumped to his knees, practically bouncing with excitement as you lay back and let your legs part. “Thank you,” he said as he quickly tugged off your pants and underwear. “Such good manners,” Roger hummed as he buried himself between your legs, pushing them a little wider. His enthusiasm continued; his whole attention focused on your pussy as he dragged his tongue along it. “Jesus, you don’t muck around,” you laughed, getting comfortable. Roger mumbled something against you. “Speak up Dummy, can’t hear you.” He lifted his head long enough to say, “you taste good,” before licking along your slit again. “You’re so cute with a head full of cunt,” Roger hummed in agreement which made you laugh though it turned into a gasp as his tongue brushed past your clit. Without thinking you brought your hand to rest against the back of Roger’s head, twisting his hair around your fingers. He barely noticed, much more concerned with making you as wet as possible with just his mouth, both of his hands gripping your thighs tightly. It was different to most of the times he’d gone down on you. Normally there was an element of teasing to his head game, even if it was just a casual lazy session. There was always the threat of being edged, even when you knew neither of you were in the mood for that. Kisses and grazed teeth on your thigh when you wanted his lips elsewhere, as if he were just reminding you that you liked it when he took charge. And that was fun. You enjoyed it a lot, wouldn’t trade it for anything. But there was something to be said for this version of Roger. This brainless version who wouldn’t even consider teasing you, who only wanted to make you feel good, who didn’t have any motivations outside your pleasure. He was meticulous, seemingly determined to touch every erogenous spot you had, every nerve ending. Sucking and licking with such fervour and glee that the sound made you dizzy. When he did something that made your breath catch in your throat or, even better, pulled a moan from you, he made sure to repeat it, taking your half-formed expletives as praise. And then he’d find a new spot to make you moan. By the time he decided to focus his attention entirely on your clit, you could feel how wet you were on the inside of your thighs. You were sure you would have been making a terrible mess of the sheets if Roger hadn’t been devouring every drop. “Just like that Dummy,” you panted, “fuck, don’t stop” Roger took your words to heart, tightening his lips around your clit and refusing to move until your legs clamped tight around his head as you came. Even after you relaxed again he didn’t stop entirely, dragging his tongue through your creamy arousal until you physically pushed him away. He pouted in disappointment. “Don’t look so sad baby. I just need a little break because you were so good,” “Oh!” He beamed dopily at the praise, “Thank you!” “How are you feeling?” “Um, I made you feel good so I feel good.” You laughed, “You’d do just about anything if I said it would make me happy, even something like hump the mattress, wouldn’t you?” Before you’d even finished speaking Roger had repositioned himself and begun rutting against the mattress, “Like this?” “Fuck,” “Can I lick your cunt again?” You were tempted to say yes but you still felt sensitive and besides, other ideas were forming, “no, not right now. I just want to watch you for a minute.” “Okay,” he sighed. “Does that feel good Dummy?” “Yes,” “Don’t cum,” “Okay,” "You look very pretty like this,” you indicated his messy hair and the sheen of cum and saliva that still coated his chin, “But something’s missing. When I let you hypnotise me I always dress for the occasion. Stop.” Roger stilled once more, sitting up to watch you as you walked over to your dresser and dug through the draws. “What’s that?” “Shhh Dummy, just sit. Show me that pout again,” Roger sat still as you swiped the hot pink over his lips. “This is a shade called Bimbo and it suits you. You look very pretty,” “Thank you!” he blushed at the praise. “I think you could look sluttier though. Clothes off, except your undies.” Roger stood and began stripping off his shirt immediately, dropping it to the floor as he hurried to unbutton his jeans. “Aww you’re so hard baby. No wonder you wanted to hump,” “Can I touch you now?” “You can kiss me,” “Really?!” You didn’t even have time to confirm the suggestion before he was diving on you, pressing his lips to yours excitedly.

When he finally let you breathe, the lipstick was smeared across both your faces. “Much sluttier,” you laughed, getting only another of his confused looks in response, “Hump the bed again Dummy, show me what a good, dumb slut you are. Good boy,” Roger whined at the friction, but you ignored him, pulling your shirt and bra off before you settled back on the bed, right in front of him, letting your legs spread. Roger whined again. “Do you see how wet you’ve made me?” you asked, running two fingers between your lips, “just from knowing how brainless you are. I get it now, why you like seeing me act like a dumb fuckdoll. It’s fun. Powerful. You wanna touch me so badly, don’t you? Practically drooling,” Roger nodded, “can I?” “No, you can watch for now. Make sure you slow down or stop if you feel like you’re going to cum.” You made sure his eyes were on your pussy as you slowly spread your wetness up to your clit and back down, teasing yourself a little before slipping two fingers into your hole. “Keep watching me Dummy,” you slowly pushed the fingers deeper into you before pulling them back out and then repeated the motion. Roger’s hips sped up in time with your fingers, though he slowed again before long, always mindful of how close he was, only wanting to be good and follow your instructions. By the time you could easily slide three fingers into yourself you’d decided it wasn’t enough, you needed him. “Stop baby. Good boy, good Dummy. What do you want now?” “Your cunt.” “I should have known.” “What does that mean?” “Don’t you worry your pretty little empty head about it. Now lie down for me, baby, on your back. I’m going to reward you by riding your cock,” Roger beamed again and hurried to do as you’d asked. You passed him the pillows from the top of the bed and told him to prop his head up. “I want you to watch Dummy. Watch me take you, watch how deep you fit inside me.” Roger nodded and gave you another dopey smile as you pulled his underwear off and crawled over his lap. His eyes went wide as you lined him up and slowly started to sink down on him. “You watching pretty boy?” “Yes,” “How does it make you feel?” “G-good.” “Yeah? It makes me feel good too,” you leaned forward to kiss his stained lips again as you sank a little lower, his breath hitching, “You’re being such a good boy. Maybe I’ll let you finish in me and then clean up the mess with that pretty mouth. Would you like that?” “So much!” You grunted as you sank lower still, Roger bottoming out and groaning quietly. After a moment to adjust you began to leisurely grind on him, circling your hips, rocking back and forth. He reached up and spread his hands on your chest, eyes wide as if surprised by his own movement. “Nice to see you diversifying your interests,” you laughed. Roger fell into giggles too, though he clearly didn’t understand why. His breath hitched as you quickened your pace, building up a faster rhythm, but his attention kept bouncing between his hands on your breasts and where he was disappearing into you. “Breathe baby,” Roger let out a breath, panting softly. “Such a dummy. Can’t even remember to breathe,” you felt yourself clench and Roger’s head dropped back against the pillows, his eyes rolling and mouth falling open. The sight of him looking so dazed, with hot pink lipstick smudged from his lips to his chin and his hair in a wild mess, made you moan. “You l-look so f-f-ucked out Dummy. Cunt drunk. Fuck it’s hot. You’re s-such a hot sl-ut,” you raised yourself higher, dropped back down harder, riding Roger roughly as you drew closer to the edge. But you needed more. His hands still lay on your breasts, squeezing and palming them lightly, but he let you grab one and reposition it, bending it towards his own mouth. “Suck,” Dutifully he took the fingers you offered him, coating them in his saliva before you pulled his hand back towards you, placing his wet fingers on your clit. “Th-at’s right Dummy, such a-a good f-uck toy. Gon-gonna get me off,” Roger nodded, moaning as you fucked yourself on him until you reached the peak, your release making you shake. You slumped forward, letting it wash over you, trying to get your breath back as you listened to Roger’s own ragged breath and small whimpers. “Sorry baby,” you said, leaning in to kiss him softly before easing yourself off of him, “are you okay?” “Yes,” he smiled though you were still a little worried. Once glance at is cock was all it took to see just how painfully hard he was, tip flushed a redy-purple. “Are you sure you’re okay? I don’t want to push you too far, I want this to be fun,” “I am having fun, silly,” he giggled. “Yeah? You like being my fuck doll?” “Mhmm! I love it! I’m a good dumb doll,” “You are baby, so good. Do you want to cum now?” “Maybe?” You chuckled to yourself, understanding exactly why he was unsure. You remembered what it was like, the confused mix of feelings. Knowing that an orgasm would feel good for you but still not wanting it unless you also knew it would feel good for your Sir, “It would make me happy to watch you cum,” “Really?” “Very much. Would you like to make me happy?” “Of course!” another grin stretched over Roger’s face and you couldn’t help but grin back. “Alright but first I want you to stand up and go over to my closet okay,” Roger nodded as he rolled out of bed. “Now open the third draw. No not that one Dummy, the next one down. There you go. I want you to have a look and find a pair of panties you’d like to wear.” You watched as Roger looked through the draw, considering your underwear as if this was the single most important decision he’d ever have to make. He picked a pair out, discarded it, furrowed his brow and looked again. There was obviously some sort of criteria in whatever was left of his mind, but you’d be damned if you could figure out what was influencing his opinions. Eventually he settled on a lacy pink thong, stepping into it at your word. “Good choice baby. Do you like how it feels?” Roger gently let his fingers run over the scrap of material along his hip and down over his straining cock before nodding happily, “feels...naughty,” he started giggling when you laughed. “Naughty is a good way to feel,” you crooked your finger and Roger followed, standing in front of you, waiting for his next instruction, “and it’ll feel even naughtier when your pretty cock cums in those pretty knickers. Do you want to ride my thigh like a pretty, dumb slut?” “Yes please,” “I can’t get over how fucking adorable you are when you’re like this.” you shuffled back a little, stretching out your legs and leaning back on your hands before tapping your thigh, Roger bouncing with excitement as he settled in place. He let out a soft oh as he began grinding on your thigh, rubbing his dick again you. “That’s right pretty boy. I think next time I might dress you up from the beginning. You’d look very pretty in my lacy knickers with your head between my thighs.” Roger whimpered again, hips jolting as his cock twitched. “You like the sound of that Dummy? Gonna make a mess on my thigh thinking about how good it would feel to lick my cunt while I tell you how pretty and slutty you look? C’mon Dummy, cum for me. Be a good brainless doll and cum to make me happy.” “Yes. I wi-ll, yes-s” Roger muttered, concentrating so hard on keeping his rhythm and getting to the edge. He moaned when he reached it, his movements becoming stuttered and jerky as he soaked the fabric, cum spilling from the gaps in the lace and being spread across your skin as he kept rutting as best he could. “Good boy, good Dummy,” you said, pushing your fingers through his hair, leaning in to kiss his jaw and then his lips.

While he was recovering, getting his breath back, he lay down beside you, grinning again, delighted and proud. You quietly praised him some more as you pulled off his underwear. “Might have ruined these,” you said, throwing them into a corner of the room before turning and restarting the metronome. “What’s that sound?” “It’s a metronome,” you explained, resuming your spot beside Roger, stroking his arm, “I want you to close your eyes and listen to the noise, listen to that click, click, click. And as you listen, you’ll start to remember, start to bring back all your thoughts and all your control. Click. Click. Click. Feel your mind coming back, rising up, up, up, out of the deep sleep. Coming back to yourself, back to normal. No longer so deep and dumb and horny. Just normal, just Roger. Every click makes you feel more and more like yourself. Every click makes it easier to remember, easier to think. That’s right, feeling more like yourself.” You wished you’d thought to ask Roger about this part, about waking him back up, a little fearful that you’d get it wrong and he’d have lost something important, “Nothing to lose by coming back to yourself, nothing to lose by remembering. Bringing back your mind and your thoughts. That’s right, coming back up. No longer deep and dumb and horny and easy.” You kept going until Roger opened his eyes and sat up, shaking his head as if to clear it. “Rog? Feeling okay?” You asked nervously. “A little fuzzy but pretty great,” he said, smiling as his eyes settled on you, “That was fun,” “And you remember everything about playing the drums?” “Of course,” “Thank god. I wouldn’t know how to explain to the others if I’d accidentally erased that for good,” Roger laughed and shook his head again, “The fuzziness does go away eventually right?” “Yeah it does, give it ten minutes, maybe a little more since it’s your first time. It’s just your brain readjusting.” “Okay,” he reached out to grab your hand, “What about you though? How did you find it being in charge?” “Um, yeah, I definitely liked it more than I thought I would.” “You seemed to take to it like a duck to water. Have I still got lipstick on?” “A little bit,” you chuckled, “I can get you a makeup wipe,” “In a minute. Let’s just cuddle for a bit, talk about it all,” “Yeah alright,” you let Roger pull you against him, your head leaning on his chest as your thumb slowly rubbed back and forth on his stomach, “You were okay with that stuff right? The lipstick and my knickers and all that,” “Definitely into it. More than I ever thought I would be. But I kind of think I should remind you why you enjoy being all subby for me before you get carried away. I could turn your brain on for a bit, make you put those panties on and wear them for the rest of the day. I’d get you to suck me off too but you’d have to stand still while I came into the knickers while you were wearing them. Gotta keep them topped up for you.” You squirmed a little at the thought, “Maybe I’ll have to buy you your own set of pretty lacy underwear to wear next time. And your own lipstick.” Both of you fell into giggles. “Wait, if I was the domme, shouldn’t I be the one cuddling you,” “Love, I wore pink lipstick and women’s underwear today, I need to maintain some of my masculinity. Besides I like holding you anyway.” “Alright,” “No, but, I do think I better understand you now, why you wouldn’t want to be filmed like that and what you meant when you said you were vulnerable. I mean, while I was under all I cared about was what you wanted. It didn’t matter how it felt for me, just how it felt for you. Which is kind of scary from both perspectives really. I suppose you have to trust that if things did cross a line into something you weren’t comfortable with, your subconscious wouldn’t let you do it, at least without putting up a fight.” “Yeah that’s definitely a concern but remember we have the safeword triggers in place so I can stop things if I don’t want them, and if you ever want to be the hypnotised one again then we can do the same thing for you. But, all that being said, I um, I was kind of thinking that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. Filming ourselves. With me as the bimbo. You were right, it would be hot.” “You know you don’t have to say that to try and impress me or make me happy or whatever. I really do get it. It’s insane how easy you become to influence under the trance and you really do have to have full trust in the person doing it to you. I wouldn’t necessarily want proof of that on video either.” “No, Rog, listen. I am in. As long as we’re careful about what happens to the tape afterwards, then I want to. Seeing you all mindless was so hot and I kind of really want to see myself like that too. It’s hard not to be curious about that. And I want to see what you do too – how you talk to me and interact with me because on one hand I already know and have watched you do it so many times, but it’s always been while you’re putting me under or while I’m already under so I’ve never really paid attention to how you do it. I’d love to see it from the perspective of someone who isn’t a mindless doll that can’t stop thinking about dick. Especially if we do want to play more with you being the bimbo. I don’t know, I could pick up some tips from it maybe.” “If you really want to then I’m in too. We’ll need to talk about maybe redoing the safeword triggers because I want us to be sure they work and that they aren’t fading with time and that they’re still strong enough. And of course, we’ll be super careful with the tape. We can talk about that too. I’m happy to do anything you need to feel secure. I’d destroy the tape after we watched it if you wanted.” “I don’t know if we need to go that far. I might want to watch it more than once,” “I love you. Adore you,” “Shut up,” “Nope, you are the most incredible woman and the most amazing partner,” “It’s a sex tape Rog, nothing to get poetic over,” you rolled your eyes teasingly. “If I can’t get poetic over sex then what’s the fucking point of poetry?”

#my writing #my fics #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor smut #me watching asmr videos on youtube jotting down fic ideas ksdhkjfs #anyway #☁️#I hope you like it!!

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jumpship90 · 4 years ago

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touch prompts: 11 and/or 35? :)

35 kissing their bruises and scars

I’ve mentioned before about Jaq having a climbing accident and the tables turning so that Phineas has to rescue them for once – this prompt answer is probably going to end up being the intro to that fic if I get around to writing it, so thank you for getting me thinking about it again! - 1000 words, so more under the cut

Phineas sipped gingerly at his coffee. It was something of an effort not to spill it all over the rather fascinating article he was reading regarding cellular regeneration, what with Jaq shuffling about behind him. Breakfast in bed was proving a little difficult this morning as his partner’s excitement at the tossball game they were watching got the better of them.

“Pass – pass, you’ve got the twelfth back out wide!” they barked, an arm slipping free from his waist to gesture at the aetherwave screen situated opposite the bed. Phineas gave an irritable grunt as their movements jostled him where he sat leant against their chest. Jaq didn’t appear to notice.

“Oh come on! That was clearly offside! He’s halfway into the Friday zone!”

They slapped the mattress in frustration, jolting him again. Phineas sighed and squinted at the screen from over the top of the pages of the journal. ‘Clearly’ wasn’t quite the word he would have used to describe precisely what was occurring between an indeterminate number of players all swarming around a ball, but apparently it meant something to Jaq who was muttering about biased refereeing and absentmindedly tapping their fingers against his thigh in agitation.

As play resumed, Phineas went back to concentrating on his reading and doing his best to ignore Jaq’s fidgeting. For someone who could keep their cool in a shootout, they did get so ridiculously tense over a game. He’d done his best to wrap his head around the rules in order to engage with this particular passion of theirs, unfortunately, he’d never quite managed to get as swept up in it all as they did. Instead, he contented himself with enjoying sharing space with them whilst they watched the games.

Well, usually he enjoyed it.

“Jaq!” he admonished as a goal caused them to punch the air with a whoop, sloshing coffee onto the bedsheets.

“Sorry! Sorry, I’ll make you another,” they offered, arms coming around his middle in a conciliatory hug as the screen cut to shots of the cheering crowd. They kissed his hair and Phineas settled back against their chest.

“It’s fine,” he grumbled, taking a quick swig and downing the rest of the contents of the mug before he was at risk of losing it. There were only a few minutes left of the game and then he might actually be able to read in peace. A few minutes left until Jaq would rise and begin dressing. He swallowed bitter disappointment with the coffee dregs.

“No, really, it’s my fault,” Jaq said and began shuffling out from behind him. “I’ll be back in a sec.”

Phineas discarded the journal atop the mattress.

“You can stay right here.” He planted his hands atop their tanned thighs where they lay either side of him.

Jaq immediately ceased their attempt to scramble off the mattress and when he turned awkwardly to glance up at them, they were wearing a quizzical expression, their focus having entirely shifted from the game that had been so intently holding their focus moments before.

“Since when are you ok with starting a day on half a cup of coffee?” they asked, a confused smile lighting up their face. When he didn’t immediately respond with his usual bantering, Jaq slipped a small, calloused hand over his own, their smile softening.

“This is because I’m leaving later, right?”

Phineas gave a quiet humph of consternation at being caught out.

“It's because I have had quite enough of being thrown about like a sack of tobaccorn in my own bed,” he lied.

Jaq didn’t call him on it, though he could see the scepticism in their eyes. They only ran a thumb over the ring about his finger and he fought the urge to grip their hand tight and hang onto them. It was a silly impulse, this desire to keep them here with him, he knew. They were coming back. They always came back. After all, that was precisely what the rings symbolised. That he was theirs and they were his and that nothing would separate them. Those were the promises they had both made to each other.

He reached up to run a thumb over the familiar scar that cut a shallow white blaze across their chin. They had many scars, most small and faded to pale ghosts that served as a reminder of all they had done. Jaq was resilient - a survivor - he reminded himself. Only, there had been too many years alone, too many nights spent grappling with the uncertainty of whether his enforced isolation would ever end for him to truly feel comfortable with them going. There was always that gnawing fear that he might not see them again.

“You know, you never have told me how you got this one,” he murmured, pressing his lips to the scar, seeking a distraction in their embrace. “Was it terribly heroic?”

Jaq snorted. “Fell out a tree.”

His gut gave an uncomfortable twist at that. “You know, that really isn’t a very reassuring thing to hear before you leave on a climbing trip.”

The smirk they gave him was far more teasing than Phineas felt the situation really warranted.

“I was eight, Phin. I like to think I’ve gotten a bit better at it since then.”

He hummed quietly, suddenly despondent. Despite the fact that he would be remaining in the familiar surroundings of the Hope, Jaq’s leaving always left him with an odd sense of homesickness that his work could only distract him from but never fully shake.

“Well if you really must go and spend your time scrambling around some rock like a skinny primal then don’t let me stop you,” he grumbled.

Jaq gave a resigned sigh that ruffled his hair.

“I’ll be fine, Phin.” They kissed his temple and Phineas stroked the arm wrapped about his waist. “I’ll be back before you can even miss me.”

#thanks for the prompt #sorry it took me months to reply!#I've had the idea for this fic for so long so it was nice to finally get something written for it #jaq/phin #captain jaq #phineas welles #my writing

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bringmoreknives · 5 years ago

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Can you explain to me the whole demolition lovers story? I only remembered that the guy had to kill 1000 evil men. Other than that i am lost and i was super mindblown with what you said about the hang em high lyrics about the dem. bride because i was never able to connect a lot of lyrics with part of their story. (Or if you don't have time can you direct me to ANYWHERE at this point where someone analyses the whole story?) Thank you x

sure! i’m no expert but here’s a little intro to the story. (i wrote this and then proceeded to write like over 500 words oof)

so basically the demolition lovers are the couple at the center of the narrative of the song named after them and then the revenge narrative after that. based on the lyrics to the song, we can assume they’re like, a crime duo, bonnie-and-clyde-esque, and the song kind of narrates their capture and defeat (by someone unnamed but i always kind of saw it as the police).

at the end of this song, in the space between the albums so to speak, the woman dies, but her lover escapes. and the devil comes to the man with a deal -- he says he’ll return the woman to the world of the living, if the man brings the devil the souls of one thousand evil men. so this is the beginning of the revenge story, and why revenge deals so much with themes of murder and violence and mortality. because the man is forced to commit all these heinous crimes. it’s about weighing awful thing against awful thing, it’s about morality. i have to kill these people because if i don’t, i’ll never see her again, not until we’re both dead. but how do i deal with this selfish act? is it worth it?

then the ending of the narrative is that the man’s killed 999 evil men. he’s so close to his goal, to getting to see his love in person again. and then he realizes the cruel irony of the devil’s deal, because they all come with a price. the last evil man he has to kill to complete the deal is himself. which is like, obviously very “tragic with a capital t” Tragedy, like shakespearean and stuff, but it’s also SO interesting to consider the big questions this raises. what makes someone evil? is there a point when they cross the line from good to evil? can evil acts be justified?

this is like, the confirmed story/timeline. beyond that, a lot of the stuff i talked about is more my take on things. some things like the orpheus and eurydice comparisons are something i’ve always seen as obvious. if you don’t know, orpheus and eurydice is a greek myth, where orpheus is the son of apollo and the muse calliope, and an extremely talented musician. he marries a girl named eurydice but she dies suddenly and tragically and he goes crazy with grief. through a combination of like demigodly abilities and musical prowess he makes his way down to hades, in the realm of the dead, and asks for eurydice back. hades says she can come back to the world as long as while she follows orpheus out of hell, he doesn’t look back at her. he has to be patient and trusting. but he can’t be, he loses the sound of her footsteps and looks back and she’s trapped in hell forever. the “don’t look back” part of hang ‘em high is relevant and also there are just a lot of similar plot beats.

as for what i said about hang ‘em high being about the girl demo lover’s time in hell, that’s never been confirmed or anything. a lot of the songs are only loosely thematically connected to the main narrative, or by a few lines. i honestly never thought of it until i saw @draintheblood (sorry for @’ing you so much lol)’s art for this song, and i instantly fell in love with the idea. the song has kind of crazy wild west vibes and also refers to a woman specifically quite a few times. i think that overall the story is way more about the guy than the girl, which is frustrating, so i like the idea that hang ‘em high could be a little bit about her at least.

um ANYWAY. if you like the basics and want to hear more natasha @gerardofarc has this amazing demo lovers post that literally gives me CHILLS every time. i would also totally recommend the rest of draintheblood’s revenge series, it fleshes out the demo lovers/revenge narrative in a way i never really thought of before!

#demolition lovers #long post //#anonymous #my ask tag

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semblanche · 5 years ago

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love ur content! what are some writeblrs and wips you recommend?

thank you very much!! i'm afraid i rarely follow specific wips, but in terms of people i'd have to say -

@holotones - some of the most raw, real writing i've had the privilege to read. includes everything from western to scifi to dark academia - they have the RANGE, darling. i still think about a passage they posted on an oc of theirs, pavel, sometimes, and have to bite my tongue to keep from screaming

@popovs - i think everyone knows eva at this point. their writing is so ridiculously gorgeous, it feels like reading gold - if that makes sense?? their images are vivid, their dialogue hits hard, and you are going to be thinking about whatever they posted last for the next few days at least

@at-lxs - atlas doesn't post much but i maintain that her writing is literally some of the BEST i've ever read. her mind is so fucking sharp and her ideas so fucking good,, 100/10 would be mutuals with again, i love her sm

@carumens - carmen was one of the first people to reach out to me when i was starting out on writeblr and i can never thank them enough for that. they're sweet, supportive, and also have a wip (sunflowers at night) that i can't WAIT to see as a novel seated with the rest of my favorite books on my bookshelf :)

@evergrcen - relatable posts and writing that kicks you in the throat and leaves you gasping. everything elle posts will get you feeling like your heart skipped a beat, she's just That Good. and? also?? literally so nice??? i can't

@llesbianwrites - 100/10 taste in music and 1000/10 writing quality. each new character intro they post has me internally screaming to know the full story, it's so good

@emdrabbles - treasured mutual!! em is great because you can shitpost with her & then actually end up coming up with an idea that's... not half bad. beyond that, her writing is just? so good?? you get attached to all the characters and the worldbuilding is so expansive you can feel the thought that's gone into it. i in theory like none of the genres she writes in and yet i'm still obsessed, THAT'S how good she is

@bitterbodies - their writing style is the kind that feels like a repeated punch in the stomach with each sentence. they paint their scenes so beautifully it almost feels like poetry, and their ideas are just,,, oh my god

@saintsophia - i have fallen in love with every single one of her characters to no return's point, and i don't even have words for her writing style. i can still remember images from her writing that stuck with me, sentences like 'we collected the butts of her cigarettes because it was the closest we'd ever get to being kissed by her' (i am absolutely butchering that quote rn, i'm so sorry sophia) and it's all just,,, incredible. so, so, so good

@julesruleswrites - 'touch of light' is such an underappreciated wip tbh. finley and emerson are the only m/f pairing i'd trust with my life; they have such a strong, compelling dynamic. there's also magic, and gods, and disappointing your family - highkey recommend checking it out!!!

@oliviagordonwrites - along with showering me with endless support (which i'll never be grateful enough for), her own writing is just? AMAZING??? i look forward to every new excerpt, the scenes feel quick and intense, like you're hanging off the edge of your chair in anticipation. it's literally so good

@unnagi - their writing feels like soft sunsets and long walks on the beach, and i love the cultural aspect thrown in!!! 11/10 friend recommend

this probably ended up being a bit longer than you wanted, and i'm still forgetting so many wonderful people, but here are the recommendations i can think of atm!

#im so lucky to be a part of this talented community #talking with the wind

38 notes · View notes

mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years ago

Text

Pluralistic: 13 Mar 2020 (The third Little Brother book, Where I write, stream global news, AT&T's CEO gets millions for his failures, Chelsea Manning freed, Katie Porter vs CDC, Trump's scientific nihilism, Covid-malware co-evolution, Siennese solidarity)

Today's links

Announcing the third Little Brother book, Attack Surface: And a new Little Brother/Homeland reissue, with an intro by Ed Snowden!

Where I Write: A column for the CBC that's really about how I write.

Stream 200+ global news channels: Each hand-picked, no registration required.

AT&T's CEO fired 23,000 workers and gave himself a 10% raise: Life on the easiest setting.

Chelsea Manning is free: But she's been fined $256K for refusing to testify to the Grand Jury.

Rep Katie Porter forces CDC boss to commit to free testing: Literally the most effective questioner in Congress.

Trump's unfitness in a plague: It's not because he's an ignoramus, it's because he's a nihilist.

Malware that hides behind a realtime Covid-19 map: Peter Watts' prophecy comes true.

Locked-down Siennese sing their city's hymn: A cause for hope in the dark.

This day in history: 2015, 2019

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

Announcing the third Little Brother book, Attack Surface (permalink)

Attack Surface is the third Little Brother book, coming out next October.

It's told from the point of view of Masha, the young woman who is Marcus Yallow's frenemy who works first for the DHS and then for a private spook outfit. It's a book about how good people talk themselves into doing bad things, and how they redeem themselves. It ranges from Iraq to the color revolutions of the former USSR, to Oakland and the Movement for Black Lives.

The story turns on cutting-edge surveillance and counter-surveillance: self-driving cars, over-the-air baseband radio malware, IMSI catchers, CV dazzle and adversarial examples, binary transparency and warrant canaries.

This week, I did a wide-ranging and deep interview with Andrew Liptak for Polygon about the book, the Little Brother series, the techlash, the tech workers' uprising (and #TechWontBuildIt), and the future of technological self-determination.

We also revealed the cover for Attack Surface, which was designed by the incomparable Will Staehle (who is eligible for a Best Artist Hugo – nominations close today!).

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250757531

Not only that, but Staehle has also designed a cover for a new omnibus edition of Little Brother and Homeland that comes out this July, and as you can see from that cover, the book has an all-new introduction by none other than Ed Snowden!

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250774583

(In 2017, Staehle also designed all-new covers for my adult backlist)

https://www.tor.com/2017/10/18/cory-doctorow-will-staehle-covers/

The Little Brother books are neither optimistic nor pessimistic about technology: instead, they are hopeful. Hope is the belief that you can materially improve your life if you take action. A belief in human agency and the power of self-determination.

The message of Little Brother is neither "Things will all be fine" nor "We are all doomed."

It's: "This will be so great…if we don't screw it up."

Where I Write (permalink)

I learned to be a writer while my life was in total chaos. Decades later, I have a beautiful office to work in, but I still do my best writing typing hurriedly on subway trains, in taxi-cabs, and airport lounges.

https://www.cbc.ca/arts/finding-comfort-in-the-chaos-how-cory-doctorow-learned-to-write-from-literally-anywhere-1.5489363

My CBC column on where I write is really a primer on how I write: what it takes to be able to write when you're sad, or anxious, or wracked with self-doubt.

Unquestionably the most important skill I've acquired as a writer.

"Even though there were days when the writing felt unbearably awful, and some when it felt like I was mainlining some kind of powdered genius and sweating it out through my fingertips, there was no relation between the way I felt about the words I was writing and their objective quality, assessed in the cold light of day at a safe distance from the day I wrote them. The biggest predictor of how I felt about my writing was how I felt about me. If I was stressed, underslept, insecure, sad, hungry or hungover, my writing felt terrible. If I was brimming over with joy, the writing felt brilliant."

Stream 200+ global news channels (permalink)

TV News is an Android app that pulls like Youtube streams from 200+ global news channels in 50 languages, each manually selected by the app's creator, Steven Clift, whose work I've previously admired.

http://tvnewsapp.com/

You can filter the feeds by country and language and watch them as floating windows that let you continue to use your device while you watch. No registration required, either.

They're shooting for 1000+ channels soon.

AT&T's CEO fired 23,000 workers and gave himself a 10% raise (permalink)

Randall Stephenson is CEO of AT&T. Ajit Pai killed Net Neutrality so that Stephenson could legally slow down the services we requested to extort bribes from us. Then, Trump gave his company a $20B tax cut.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/nepxeg/atandt-preps-for-new-layoffs-despite-billions-in-tax-breaks-and-regulatory-favors

Stephenson used that money to raise exec pay, buy back his company's stock to juice its price and to pay off debts from earlier, disastrous mergers. He cut 23,000 jobs and slashed capital spending (America has the worst broadband of any rich country).

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2019/05/att-promised-7000-new-jobs-to-get-tax-break-it-cut-23000-jobs-instead/

After all that, Stephenson congratulated himself on a job well done by giving himself a 10% raise in 2019, bringing his total compensation up to 32 million dollars.

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2020/03/att-ceo-pay-rose-to-32-million-in-2019-while-he-cut-20000-jobs/

I mean the guy earned it. He blew billions of dollars buying Warner and Directv, and then lost billions more on the failed aftermath. If that doesn't warrant a raise, what does?

https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2019/10/att-loses-another-1-3-million-tv-customers-as-directv-freefall-continues/

Chelsea Manning is free (permalink)

A judge has ordered that Chelsea Manning be released from jail, a day after her latest suicide attempt. She was jailed last March for refusing to testify before a grand jury, held in solitary for two months, then jailed again a few days later, in May, She's been inside ever since.

The judge ordered her release because the Grand Jury had finished its work.

https://www.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.uscourts.vaed.412520/gov.uscourts.vaed.412520.41.0.pdf

It's fantastic to that Manning got her freedom back, but she has been fined $256,000 for her noncompliance. I just donated to her fund:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-chelsea-pay-her-court-fines

(Image: Tim Travers Hawkins, CC BY-SA)

Rep Katie Porter forces CDC boss to commit to free testing (permalink)

I am a huge fan of Rep Katie Porter. Her outstanding questioning techniques and unwillingness to countenance bullshit from the people she questions are such a delight to watch.

Here she is demolishing billionaire finance criminal Jamie Dimon:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WLuuCM6Ej0

Oh, Ben Carson, you never stood a chance:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVWy3q2kmNM

Steve Mnuchin always looks like a colossal asshole, but rarely this comprehensively:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78zpa0hQ1aw

I almost feel sorry for this Trumpkin from the Consumer Finance Protection Board as she faces Porter's withering fire.

Almost.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBaCc5VUHS8

Porter – an Elizabeth Warren protege – doesn't do this to grandstand. Like AOC, she uses her spectacular skills to elicit admissions and get them on the record, and to hold Congressional witnesses to account.

Today, Porter attained a new peak in a short, illustrious career. That's because today was the day she questioned CDC assistant secretary for preparedness and response Robert Kadlec, asking him to clarify Trump's televised lie last night that insurers would pay for Covid-19 testing.

https://twitter.com/RepKatiePorter/status/1238147835859779584

Porter doggedly held Kadlec to account, forcing him to acknowledge that the cost of a Covid-19 test – $1,331 – was so high that many would forego it, and then to admit that these Americans could go on to transmit the disease to others, making it a matter of public concern.

Then she forced CDC Director Robert Redfield to admit – as she had informed him in writing the week before – that the CDC had the authority to simply pay those fees, universally, for any American seeking testing, under 42 CFR 71.30:

https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CFR-2019-title42-vol1/xml/CFR-2019-title42-vol1-part71.xml#seqnum71.30

Having laid this factual record, Porter insisted that Redfield commit to using that authority. Not to consider it, study it, or consult on it. To use it to help save the country. Whenever Redfield waffled, she reclaimed her time and forced him back on point.

KP: Dr. Redfield, will you commit to the CDC, right now, using that existing authority to pay for diagnostic testing, free to every American, regardless of insurance?

RR: Well, I can say that we're going to do everything to make sure everybody can get the care they need –"

KP: Nope, not good enough. Yes or no?

RR: What I'm going to say is, I'm going to review it in detail with CDC and the department —

KP: No, reclaiming my time [repeats the question]

RR: What I was trying to say is that CDC is working with HHS now to see how we operationalize that

KP: Dr. Redfield, I hope that that answer weighs heavily on you, because it is going to weigh very heavily on me and on every American family

RR: Our intent is to make sure that every American family gets the care and treatment they need at this time in this major epidemic and I am currently working with HHS to see how to best operationalize it.

KP: Excellent! Everybody in America hear that — you are eligible to go get tested for coronavirus and have that covered, regardless of insurance

[Curtain]

Trump's unfitness in a plague (permalink)

In this editorial, Science editor-in-chief H Holden Thorp makes a compelling case that Trump is not capable of leading the American response to Covid-19.

https://science.sciencemag.org/content/367/6483/1169

Trump has spent years denigrating and ignoring science before taking office, and it's only gotten worse, since.

As Thorp writes, "You can't insult science when you don't like it and then suddenly insist on something that science can't give on demand."

His policy track-record is even worse: "deep cuts to science, including cuts to funding for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the NIH…nearly 4 years of harming and ignoring science."

This reminds me of an argument I often have with digital rights activists who attribute bad technology policy to the inability of clueless lawmakers to understand the technical nuance. I think that's wrong. The fact that we're not all dead of cholera, even though there are no microbiologists in Congress proves that you don't need to be a domain expert to make good policy.

Good policy comes from truth-seeking exercises in which experts with different views present their best evidence to neutral adjudicators who make determinations in public, showing their work in explicit, written, public reasoning. These processes are made legitimate – and hence robust and reliable – by procedural rules. The adjudicators – regulators, staffers, etc – are not allowed to have conflicts of interest. Their conclusions are subject to the rule of law, with mandatory transparency and a process for appeal.

It has to be this way: there's no way that – say – a president could be an expert on all the different issues that might arise during their tenure.

This, then, is the problem with inequality and market concentration: it merges the referees with the players. When an industry only has a handful of players, they all end up with common lobbying positions – a common position on what is truth. That's because the C-suites of these five companies are filled with people who've worked at two, three or four of the competitors, and are married to others who've worked at the remainder. They're godparents to one anothers' kids, executors of each others' wills.

There's no way for there NOT to be collusion in these circumstances.

And when an industry is that concentrated, the only people who understand it well enough are those same execs, so inevitably the regulators are drawn from the industry.

That's why Obama's "good" FCC Chair, Tom Wheeler, was a former Comcast lobbyist, and why Ajit Pai, Trump's "bad" FCC chair, is a former Verizon lawyer. Apart from Susan Crawford, there's not really anyone who's not from the top ranks of Big Telco qualified to regulate them.

So many of us saw the photo of Trump meeting with all the tech leaders and were dismayed that they were throwing their lot in with him.

But we should also be aghast that all the leaders of the industry fit around one modest board-room table.

https://techcrunch.com/2016/12/14/donald-trump-meets-with-tech-leaders/

The problem with Trump's Covid-19 response is that he does not believe in a legitimate process with neutral referees. The refereeship, in trumpland, is an open-field auction, a transactional process that works best when it enriches Trump and his party.

The problem of Trump taking charge of the epidemiological crisis of Covid-19 isn't that he doesn't understand science: it's that he doesn't believe in evidence-based policy.

He is part of the cult of "Public Choice Theory," the belief that there is no one who can serve as referee without eventually colluding with the players for their mutual enrichment, a cynical, nihilistic philosophy that holds that there's no point in seeking to govern well. These people project their own moral vacuum onto all of humanity, a kind of cartoon Homo Economicus who is incapable of anything except maximizing personal utility.

For these people, the existence of bridges that don't fall down and water that doesn't give you cholera are lucky accidents, not results of sound policy and careful truth-seeking. They reason that since they would take bribes to poison the water of Flint, so would everyone.

Trump isn't just a non-expert, he's an ignoranamus, but that's not the problem. The problem is that he is a nihilist, someone who doesn't believe that truth-seeking is even possible.

Malware that hides behind a realtime Covid-19 map (permalink)

Hackers have developed a malware-as-a-service that packages up realtime Covid-19 maps with malware droppers that infect people who load them.

https://krebsonsecurity.com/2020/03/live-coronavirus-map-used-to-spread-malware/

This reminds me intensely of Peter Watts's 2002 novel Maelstrom, in which Watts uses his background as an evolutionary biologist to posit an eerily plausible and devilishly clever way that a digital and a human virus could co-evolve.

https://rifters.com/real/MAELSTROM.htm

This has stuck with me! In May 2018, I wrote about it in Locus Magazine:

http://locusmag.com/2018/05/cory-doctorow-the-engagement-maximization-presidency/

Maelstrom is concerned with a pandemic that is started by its protagonist, Lenie Clark, who returns from a deep ocean rift bearing an ancient, devastating pathogen that burns its way through the human race, felling people by the millions.

As Clark walks across the world on a mission of her own, her presence in a message or news story becomes a signal of the utmost urgency. The filters are firewalls that give priority to some packets and suppress others as potentially malicious are programmed to give highest priority to any news that might pertain to Lenie Clark, as the authorities try to stop her from bringing death wherever she goes.

Here's where Watt's evolutionary biology shines: he posits a piece of self-modifying malicious software – something that really exists in the world today – that automatically generates variations on its tactics to find computers to run on and reproduce itself. The more computers it colonizes, the more strategies it can try and the more computational power it can devote to analyzing these experiments and directing its randomwalk through the space of all possible messages to find the strategies that penetrate more firewalls and give it more computational power to devote to its task.

Through the kind of blind evolution that produces predator-fooling false eyes on the tails of tropical fish, the virus begins to pretend that it is Lenie Clark, sending messages of increasing convincingness as it learns to impersonate patient zero. The better it gets at this, the more welcoming it finds the firewalls and the more computers it infects.

At the same time, the actual pathogen that Lenie Clark brought up from the deeps is finding more and more hospitable hosts to reproduce in: thanks to the computer virus, which is directing public health authorities to take countermeasures in all the wrong places. The more effective the computer virus is at neutralizing public health authorities, the more the biological virus spreads. The more the biological virus spreads, the more anxious the public health authorities become for news of its progress, and the more computers there are trying to suck in any intelligence that seems to emanate from Lenie Clark, supercharging the computer virus.

Together, this computer virus and biological virus co-evolve, symbiotes who cooperate without ever intending to, like the predator that kills the prey that feeds the scavenging pathogen that weakens other prey to make it easier for predators to catch them.

Locked-down Siennese sing their city's hymn (permalink)

In times of crisis, we typically pull together, but elite panic's pervasive mythology holds that these moments are when the poors reveal their inner beast and attack their social betters. That libel on humanity is disproved regularly by our everyday experience. As common as these incidents of solidarity are, they still warrant our notice.

The Song of the Verbena is the hymn of the Italian city of Sienna, currently on lockdown.

https://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canto_della_Verbena

This video of Siennese people singing their hymn from the windows of their houses, into their empty street, is one of the most beautiful, hopeful things I've seen this week.

Truly, it is a tonic.

https://twitter.com/valemercurii/status/1238234518508777473

This day in history (permalink)

#5yrsago NYPD caught wikiwashing Wikipedia entries on police brutality https://web.archive.org/web/20150313150951/http://www.capitalnewyork.com/article/city-hall/2015/03/8563947/edits-wikipedia-pages-bell-garner-diallo-traced-1-police-plaza

#1yrago Gimlet staff announce unionization plan following Spotify acquisition https://www.theverge.com/2019/3/13/18263957/gimlet-media-union-spotify-recognition-podcasts

#1yrago With days to go until the #CopyrightDirective vote, #Article13's father admits it requires filters and says he's OK with killing Youtube https://www.golem.de/news/uploadfilter-voss-stellt-existenz-von-youtube-infrage-1903-139992.html

#1yrago Spotify's antitrust complaint against Apple is a neat parable about Big Tech's monopoly https://www.wired.com/story/spotify-apple-complaint-warren-antitrust-issue/

#1yrago A critical flaw in Switzerland's e-voting system is a microcosm of everything wrong with e-voting, security practice, and auditing firms https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/zmakk3/researchers-find-critical-backdoor-in-swiss-online-voting-system

#1yrago McMansion Hell tours the homes of the "meritocratic" one-percenters who allegedly bought their thickwitted kids' way into top universities in the college admissions scandal https://mcmansionhell.com/post/183417051691/in-honor-of-the-college-admissions-scandal

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Empty Wheel (https://www.emptywheel.net/), CNN (https://cnn.com), Memex 1.1 (https://memex.naughtons.org/), Slashdot (https://slashdot.org).

Hugo nominators! My story "Unauthorized Bread" is eligible in the Novella category and you can read it free on Ars Technica: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

Currently writing: I've just finished rewrites on a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I've also just completed "Baby Twitter," a piece of design fiction also set in The Lost Cause's prehistory, for a British think-tank. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel next.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: A Lever Without a Fulcrum Is Just a Stick https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_330/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_330_-_A_Lever_Without_a_Fulcrum_Is_Just_a_Stick.mp3

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020. https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250757531

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a new introduction by Edward Snowden: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250774583

#pluralistic

18 notes · View notes

v-t-holmes · 5 years ago

Text

1D songs rated by how much I want to hear MCR cover them

wmyb - I’m actually lowkey wondering how that would sound tbh, 7/10

gotta be you - if gerard doesn’t have the vocal range for the chorus, I would rather have him not strain himself, 2/10, but if he does, 6/10, I’m intrigued

one thing - I wouldn’t mind a cover of this one, 4/10

more than this - ooh yes, but there’s a 90% chance i’d cry, 7/10

uan - the way this song is, an mcr cover would probably sound lit, 9/10

i wish - and make me cry and drown myself in tears? 3/10

tell me a lie - change screwed up to fucked up and it’s a deal, 6/10

taken - the only reason i don’t start feeling Sad while listening to this song bc I’m so used to it, if mcr covered it i would be Ugly Sobbing, 5/10

i want - okay that would sound lit, 7/10

everything about you - okay this song is kinda boring ngl, mcr could spice things up, 9/10

same mistakes - this one already gives me existential crisis without thinking about an mcr cover, 7/10

save you tonight - I’m indifferent, it would probably sound lit tho 5/10

stole my heart - dunno if it would work as well while being sung by a guy literally the same age as my mom as it does while being sung by a (in the recording) group of boys aged between 17 and 20 - 1/10

stand up - SO PUT YOUR HANDS UP COZ IT’S A STAND UP, basically it’s an armed robbery, 5/10

moments - the subtle hinting at the fact everyone in this song dies,, fun fact that would just instantly kill me, 100000000/10, I would Cry but it would be worth it

another world - I rather would not be taken to ‘another world’ ‘every day’ ‘in every way’ by mcr, thank you very much 0/10

na na na - the cover would be worth it just for the title confusion, so yes, yes please, 10/10

i should have kissed you - the regret in the original’s is not Expressed At All, 7/10, fuck me up mcr

lwwy - i mean it would probably sound good, but lets be real, mcr doesn’t exactly fit the vibe of this song, 4/10, just because it lowkey has danger days vibes (i listened to it three times in a row before, I know what vibes danger days has)

kiss you - i’m torn between the fact that this is targeted at teen girls and sang by barely not underage anymore boys, and the fact the cover would probably sound lit 5/10

little things - it’s,,, too soft for mcr,,, 0/10

c’mon c’mon - eh, I’m indifferent to that one, 5/10

last first kiss - this one gives me an existential crisis and makes me Sad already, 8/10

heart attack - just for the ow! part, and also for the 1D just doesn’t do emotions right in this one, 7/10

rock me - in summer ‘09, they were literal babies, I’m fairly certain 16 year old harry styles did NOT fuck, mcr did shit other than going to school in 2009, and they probably fucked and this song is just one big innuendo, 7/10

change my mind - ah another song that would probably make me cry, 6/10

i would - idk, a song about high school drama? 1/10

over again - stabbing me would be more merciful than an mcr cover, 10/10

back for you - this one hits differently when you hear 1D promising they’ll come back for the fandom, And with the reunion rumours going around, it wouldn’t sound right if mcr did a cover, 2/10

they don’t know about us - unlike the original, it would make me cry, because it remind me of my gf, 3/10, covers of songs that remind me of my gf that would make me cry are illegal

summer love - the 1D version didn’t kill me, but the mcr version definitely would, 5/10

she’s not afraid - I’m actually kinda curious about what the cover would sound like, 8/10

loved you first - another one I kinda want to hear mcr’s cover of, 7/10

nobody compares - this one is either boring or it’s getting late, either way, mcr would spice it up, 7/10

still the one - it’s a bop already, 5/10

truly madly deeply - soft and tender and,,, can mcr do soft and tender? I mean, probably, but their songs that sound soft and tender end up in people in the song dying, 2/10

magic -THERE’S A 99.99999% CHANCE THE MCR COVER WOULD BE LIT, 219833/10

irresistible - mcr’s cover would make me cry and i’d thank them 8/10

bse - despite the title, not the best song ever out there (home is the best), and mcr could definitely improve it, 8/10

soml - the chorus starts, but with more SCREAMING, 8/10, sometimes you just want a soft song to have more yelling

diana - could be good, but really, I’m indifferent to it, 5/10

midnight memories - the fact 1D says 'same old shhh' instead of 'same old shit' is so unsatisfying, mcr would fix that, 10/10

you & i - yeah, just make me cry or whatever, 6/10, I’m already feeling like a trainwreck

don’t forget where you belong - that would be nice but it would also make me cry, 7/10

strong - the intro keeps reminding me one of the mcr songs and idk which one, probably famous last words, and it’s bothering me, 5/10

happily - I have no objections to this one, 9/10

right now - it would probably make me cry too much to handle, 2/10

little black dress - I’m kinda curious about this one honestly, it’s already a lot more rock than some other songs and I wouldn’t mind a cover, 6/10

through the dark - idk why, but I would definitely pay for an mcr version of this song, 10/10

something great - this one already gives me Feelings, I don’t think I could handle the mcr cover, 1/10

little white lies - it’s an okay song but really, I don’t need an mcr cover of it, 0/10

better than words - mcr wouldn’t censor fuck, 5/10

why don’t we go there - i’m actually running out of ideas of how to express what I want to say about this song, but basically, it would sound good but I don’t think it’s on the priority list, 2/10

does he know - i learnt that gerard is the same age as my mom so I legally can’t listen to him sing about sex while addressing the listener like that, 0/10

alive - it would be a headbanger, 10/10

half a heart - and make me cry even more than I cry while listening to the original? 2/10

steal my girl - not really something I’d want or need covered by mcr -10/10

ready to run - this song made me make this post, a clear 10/10

where do broken hearts go - I mean I’d probably cry, but I’d love to hear a cover, 7/10

18 - it makes me feel similar as songs from bullets or three cheers do, but on the other hand, this song already makes me sad and is crying so much I fill the ocean with my tears worth it? 5/10, probably

girl almighty - it would probably sound fun, I wouldn’t mind there being a cover, 5/10

fool’s gold - do you want me to cry? because that’s how to make me cry, no but also please/10

night changes - an existential crisis sounds nice in these trying times (not), 3/10

no control - it would be okay, I guess, 3/10

fireproof - why not, 5/10

spaces - another one presumably about the break up, it just wouldn’t Hit the same if mcr covered it, 2/10

stockholm syndrome - oh, please, that sounds like it would make a lit cover, 8/10

clouds - why tf not, I’d love to hear what mcr would do with it, 9/10, fuck me up

change your ticket - I can’t think about this song without thinking about that one tik tok where 1D members pop up in the girl’s room when their parts start, imagine that with mcr, I would scream (in a not good way), 0/10

illusion - I wouldn’t mind a cover, but really I don’t know what I’d do with it, 1/10

once in a lifetime - this song already makes me cry, I wouldn’t be able to handle an mcr cover, 3/10

act my age - heheh why not, it would make a fun cover, 8/10

hey angel - I wouldn’t mind a cover, so why not, 6/10 (would I cry? you can’t prove anything)

drag me down - I can see it being a good cover now that I think of it, 8/10

perfect - kinda curious how that would sound, 8/10

infinity - only if mcr is willing to pay for and play at my funeral, 8/10

end of the day - I wouldn’t mind an mcr cover if this one, but mostly I’m just indifferent, 5/10

if i could fly - the intro is too similar to cancer, and the original already makes me Cry, i would straight up get dehydrated and die from mcrying, but also, please 9/10

long way down - more mcrying, a whole party, 7/10

never enough - the cover would be probably pretty good, 6/10

olivia - it’s already a fun song to listen to, I wonder what the cower would sound like, 7/10

what a feeling - it has the potential to make me cry, 7/10, also it hits different in these times

love you goodbye - wanna see if they can be as tender as 1D is with this song,, 6/10

i want to write you a song - i don’t dare sending my gf mcr songs with the caption ‘that made me think of you’ in fear of the song having undertones of murder, collective death, nuclear winter or other dying stuff I haven’t noticed yet, this song is too soft, sorry mcr -10/10

history - it would most likely sound good, but it has a sentimental value that mcr just wouldn’t be able to capture, 1/10

temporary fix - HECK YES, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SONG THAT WOULD SOUND GREAT AS AN MCR COVER, 475475837/10

walking in the wind - I wouldn’t mind a cover, 5/10

wolves - it would be worth it just for the confusion between this song and house of wolves in search results, 10/10, bc i enjoy chaos

am - the original is soft and there’s really barely any instrumental background for most of the song other than acoustic guitar, so I’m wondering what mcr would do with it, 6/10

home - how much do I have to pay to hear mcr cover that one? 1000/10, it’s my fav 1D song

#well this took way longer than i expected #i got hit by the Big Sad the day after ii said i was gonna do it and then more bleh stuff happened #and i was only able to listen to 51 mcr songs that didn't make me sad #mcr #1D #my chemical romance #one direction #so april was a disaster for me #but now I'm back on my bullshit

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 6 years ago

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Moth Work Intro + False Idol | Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

Today I thought I’d do a writing update on a project I’ve mentioned a lot in my vlogs but haven’t mentioned as of yet on here! This is a personal ‘passion project’ that I’ve been picking away at since January and have recently taken on as my transition project from Rewired to my next book.

So yee! MOTH WORK (or ‘boys on a boat’ for those who keep up with the vlogs lols) has been my current project for the last few weeks since finishing REWIRED. I didn’t really mean to expand it as much as I have as it simply started off as a spinoff story of my boys Lonan and Harrison which I write every few months when I’m having a breakdown and need something to cheer me up. :-)

I’ve mentioned a few of these stories in the past (like Fishbowl and Mandarin), though this story is a bit different, as I’ve expanded it quite a lot more than I intended to! If you aren’t super caught up with Rewired, I’d definitely scroll through a few of my last updates so this one will make more sense!

What’s it about?

Moth Work is a FOSTERED spinoff story following Lonan and Harrison (dumb+dumber) at the peak of their relationship. I *was saying* that the plot went loosely as follows: after finding a photograph of a woman in Lonan’s father’s dark room, they set out to find her, HOWEVER, because I never stick to plans, I have yet to follow through with this main plot thread, lol. Vaguely, I’d just say the most important part of this story is their relationship at its most fragile because who is plot I don’t know her.

Moth Work follows the events after REWIRED, and is a bit of a bridge between it and the next book. This makes it kind of hard to explain because a) it’s in a different POV, and b) context, but hopefully that makes sense! In essence: Lonan + Harrison’s relationship is big sad and Harrison tries to make it less big sad and it gets even more big sad.

I’ll share a very quick profile of both of the boys so there’s some context for the following excerpts I’ll share!

Harrison

My boy

Generally very outgoing, tho around Lonan this fizzles. Only wants the best for Lonan despite their history. He’s the ‘main’ narrator of the piece (third limited to him though I’m guilty of head hopping lol), so the work has a softer tone than I’m used to. Though Harrison tries to be a Macho Man, around Lonan he’s most himself--mellow, a lil stupidly romantic, and vulnerable.

Lonan

My problematic son/probably should be cancelled

The “issue” in the relationship loool. He’s emotionally immature and lacks accountability, but because of his past, lacks the ability to recognize these faults and work on them. Because of this, he’s fundamentally stayed the same for the last few works he’s been in (if not gotten worse). Lonan requires a lot of emotional assistance, though he isn’t self-aware enough to recognize this. This is often the cause of much conflict.

Conception:

Like I mentioned, I often write short spinoff stories following these boys because it’s a safe happy place for when I’m feeling stressed. This is basically how this piece started, though I’ve continued it for different reasons which I’ll get into. I don’t remember how the first scene was brainstormed, but I do know when I started writing this a few months ago, I wanted it to be a lot longer than my previous stories--a place where I could just dump my writing, even when it wasn’t good. I think I did this to cope with the stress of my writing class honestly, lol, I think I needed a break from ‘serious’ writing AKA a place I could just goof off and have some fun.

The writing bit:

Writing this story has been a bit inconsistent. I’ve been drafting it in little pieces since the beginning of the year, and only recently picked it up as more of a ‘full-time’ work. This is subject to change depending on whether or not I get more of book 7 done. I’ve gone from writing 20 words a day to 0 to 1000--there’s really no consistency with the drafting process here.

I have recently decided that I’ll most likely expand this into either a novella or novel itself because there is literally so much tea left to explore and it’s surpassed 10k words. Drafting Moth Work has been so helpful in easing me back into the world of FOSTERED and piecing together the huge time gap from the end of book 6 to the start of book 7. I’ve been a bit anxious to really dive into book 7 for the fear of the unknown, so inching myself closer to that timeline through this project has been very helpful!

The editing bit:

I recently did an edit around the line level for this entire piece (it’s about 12k words right now) because a) it really needed it b) I was losing steam/starting to get embarrassed and c) I needed a refresher of what had happened because je suis tres forgetful. This edit made me feel so much better about the project. It initially started off as a work where the writing didn’t actually matter and this mentality was working until I got so embarrassed of the prose I found it difficult to read through old scenes to refresh myself and thus couldn’t productively draft.

This project isn’t written exactly in my usual style--it’s pretty stripped back and actually reminds me a lot of how my style would’ve been in book 3 had I been a better writer four years ago lol. I think the looser style works for the voice/the story itself but I def wouldn’t categorize this as litfic (what I usually write). Although the prose isn’t very complex, it took me a really long time to get comfortable enough to edit?? But once I got into the rhythm of it a few days ago, I completed the edit fairly quickly, and I’m 100% feeling better about the project overall! Though the prose is still not my top priority I’m not as embarrassed of it currently lols.

I also divided the project into chapters because it was getting pretty long to just be one mass of text. I currently have 3 chapters. This update will cover chapter 1.

Playlist:

Yo this is literally the best part of writing this project, lol, I get to listen to so much different music?? I’ve made a comprehensive playlist for this story with a character by character breakdown (if anyone wants to see that/highlights, let me know!). This playlist pulls from every song from my library, so we span genres and artists like crazy. Nothing But Thieves has been the primary artist for this story (specifically their self-titled album). These songs (all NBT oop) are the most relevant if you want to get the general tone lol (anything with a star has explicitly inspired the project):

Excuse Me*

Honey Whiskey*

Tempt You (Evocatio)*

If I Get High (II)

Gods

Lover, Please Stay*

I Was Just A Kid*

Get Better

Hell, Yeah*

Afterlife

Reset Me

Particles

Sorry

Number 13

Excerpts:

I don’t have *many* because prose hasn’t really been a top priority for this project, but I’ll try to include at least one per scene.

This is one of the opening paragraphs from chapter one which I’ve titled ‘False Idol’. In short, the chapter follows the boys first attempting to destroy the dark room and then getting distracted and eventually not pulling through after Harrison finds a picture of Ominous Lady.

The chapter’s chronology is wild so we can break it up as follows:

Scene A

The boys enter the dark room with the intention of burning it down

Harrison reaches for his lighter and drops it which prompts him to find the photograph of Ominous Lady

Him and Lonan mildly argue about Ominous Lady until Lonan takes it too seriously and throws a tantrum :-DD

Scene B

Not really a full scene, just a bridge between scene A and C.

Harrison has been waiting for Lonan to return to their campsite for the entire day and he decides to at the very last moment

“hey so i’m unable to apologize for anything but also! cigarette! let’s share it! lungs!”

Scene C

The boys exercising their canoeing skills

This leads us to our first “beat”.

Lonan interrupts Harrison’s peaceful evening by having a mild crisis

This takes place right after the events of Lolita, Lolita (chapter 16 of REWIRED). We then jump back to the fictive present.

This alternates like 5 more times lol then the chapter is done!

The following excerpt describes their entry into the dark room. Don’t know how smart it is to be smoking in a room full of highly flammable material but we out here.

I don’t think she’s particularly special but I also don’t hate her so!! hoping an aesthetic photo will make it read better :’)) I ! don’t ! think ! it does ! but !

Harrison shoulders the door first, traps it open with the clip of his boot. Dust and streaks of light rake behind him as he pushes through cardboard boxes, mountains of photo paper on the ground. Lonan follows silently, still wearing Harrison’s jacket. Trails of smoke from his cigarette catch in the negatives hanging by the clothespins, chemical peel between the layers of ink. In one hand he tends to his cigarette, and in the next, lugs in the canister of gasoline they found in the cabin’s cellar. As Harrison fumbles for his flashlight, Lonan sets it down by the table so it sloshes like the Pacific.

This is a bit of when Harrison finds the photograph of Ominous Lady:

He turns the photograph over, and shines the flashlight on it. It’s scratched and developed wrong, little bits of orange obscuring the woman’s face, but it’s very much a woman. A dark bob and bangs in her eyes, jewelry hanging from her septum. Sunshades enough to reflect the European street behind her. The discreet jet of ink on her skin, blues and greens peeking out from under her sleeve. Izzy, he recognizes. Lonan’s mother.

Nudging Lonan with an elbow, “I didn’t know your mom has tattoos.”

Lonan takes the photograph cautiously, holding it by the corners like it’ll burn him. His brow trembles, but it takes him only seconds to say, “That’s not my mom.” He takes the flashlight from Harrison and examines it closer, fingers nimble and tracing the edges. In the grey light of the dark room, he looks nullified. Just a monochromatic hum of chromosomes and skin.

that’s not my MOM

After the boys find the photograph, Lonan gets triggered at Harrison’s suggestion to find the woman (he presumes her to be someone involved with his father) and promptly has a tantrum and exits. This leads us into the next scene where the boys! actually! get! on! boat! In this scene Lonan tries to say sorry for his tantrum by offering Harrison a cigarette (lol) and because Harrison is hopelessly romantic and also hopelessly dumb, says yeeeees sir! They go for a canoe ride on the water. Thought it was going to be sweet, ended up being a shitstorm but!

This paragraph is kind of toast but:

The canoe isn’t hard to get into the water. After a few nudges from the dock into the slow dip of tide, it stabilizes easily. Harrison is convinced it will capsize but Lonan knows it won’t. They take one ore each, and ignore the life jackets at the back of the shed.

The moon is large and mesmerizing. As Harrison and Lonan take turns pushing the canoe into the water, mast first, then its entire belly, it colours them silver. Lonan’s protected the cigarette in the pocket of his shirt. Harrison stares at its faint outline stretched under the fabric. Lonan steps into the canoe first, rocking with the current, and extends a hand for Harrison. He pulls him in and they row until the cabin is the size of a fingernail, the wave steady and dense. Each cut of the paddle feels like plunging a scalpel into flesh and Harrison watches Lonan do it easily. In the distance, the cabin doesn’t look so menacing. Reeve has left the lamp on by the loft, and it glimmers back like an eyeball, effervescent and tiny. Nothing but a reflective penny in the distance.

Here’s some Harrison being lame:

The water laps at the base of the canoe, and Ris reaches over and touches it like it’s holy. He makes the sign of the cross and it feels perverse, cold water dripping from forehead to chin.

For a while it’s quiet. Just the distant hum of crickets, the slash of the paddle, and the off-chance flash of something in the distance; an animal, a flashlight. Ris tries not to think about Lonan’s dad, like a dead man slithering through the water, following their boat. He picks at a saltine, sucks it between his tongue meditatively. Against the sky, Lonan is backlit and lovely and flecks of his hair peek up from around the jacket’s collar. Harrison wonders if as a child, everyone said he looked just like his father.

On top of lacking accountability, Lonan is also a professional canoeist so he takes over while Harrison eats saltines and reminisces about an encounter they had weeks prior. This leads into the solid chunk of backstory that I weirdly jump in an out of for the entire chapter. :)

Backstory consists of drunk Lonan having a crisis while Harrison tries to have a peaceful evening of taping up his drawings to his bedroom ceiling. The following excerpt describes the moment right after Lonan enters the room.

Harrison’s lips secured around his cigarette, his hand mid-air with packing tape and line drawings of the moon. A tinny country song dribbled through the radio. The minute-meal he’d heat up in the microwave lying forgotten and cold on his desk. Harrison set the pile of drawings down and turned off the music.

“Emily left?” Lonan asked. He kept his face upward, stared clumsily at the ceiling. Harrison watched his eyes trace the new drawings, following the uncalculated pattern.

This paragraph is made up of 5 similes and this is the only reason I’m sharing it :)))):

Lonan has stopped paddling. The canoe sits in the middle of the lake, lifeless, like a bone in the water. He’s turned so Harrison can see him in profile, and Ris can’t tell if it’s relieving or worrying to see his face. Lonan’s jaw is taut, like there are words he wants to say there but can’t. Filling up the hollow bone. He blinks slowly, like he’s trying to re-centre himself, his chest quivering with breaths meant to steady him. The water laps at the base of the canoe, whirling. Dark hair tangles down his cheeks like the fingers of a poltergeist.

I think that’s a pretty good way to end this post lol! How many similes have you put in one paragraph? What’s your record lol this is probably mine!

Hope y’all enjoy the intro to MOTH WORK. I have two other chapters already written which I’ll update on in a separate post! For now I hope you like this more laid back project, let me know what you think!

---Rachel

#writing #writingupdates #writeblr #amwriting #writerblr #fostered #mothwork

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firstpuffin · 5 years ago

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American McGee’s Alice, (primarily Madness Returns): the aesthetic of madness

I am aware that my way of thinking is very straight-forward, that my thoughts travel on rails and that I subsequently miss a lot. I need help to push myself off of the rails and that's why I like to talk. Heck, even talking to myself can help, hence this blog, but typically I need people who see things differently to me to discuss with.

That's one reason why I've considered YouTube or Twitch, so that I can show people the games that I've come to love and discuss things with them. So what's got me going this time?

Alice in Wonderland.

Technically.

Who's heard of American McGee's Alice?

How about American McGee's Alice: Madness Returns? I do believe that one is better known.

Ahem! This intro’s dragging. Sorry.

Both games take place after the books, which wasn’t especially clear when I dove into the game especially as it became increasingly clear that there was a first game. Basically, the intro cutscene to American McGee's Alice is her house being burned down and only her surviving, which is pretty dark considering the source material, and she ends up in a comatose state for almost a decade. Like, holy Cheshire that’s a long time.

A lot of information is given with the game in a booklet besides the manual and provides notes from the man treating her (which was a fantastic means of exposition) so we know that her burns healed well (don’t want to disfigure the heroine after all). I can’t tell you much else because this article is meant to encourage people to play the game, not to explain it. Plus I haven’t actually played it yet.

I think that most versions of Madness Returns provides American McGee’s Alice as free DLC, which is damn cool.

The second game is quite different and is set after the asylum when Alice is in a “home for troubled children” and the player keeps switching between a Wonderland torn up by some rogue train (which I don’t fully understand) and the real world. I’m not quite clear on the details, probably because I finished the game a year and a half after starting it, having been distracted by University, but she is trying to find answers about the true cause of the fire that killed her family.

Again, I don’t want to go into spoilers and I still haven’t gotten to the main point.

Maybe it was the long break but I think story is the game’s weak point (as is the lock-on system) but that’s fine because everything else is so damn good.

Yes, the graphics are from 2011 and not quite as good as other games from the time, but I don’t actually like “realistic” graphics so much as I do those with character and by Cheshire does Madness Returns have it. In heaps. The entire game is based around Alice’s emotional state, all of which is clearly being supressed behind a collected facade. In fact, let’s start with Alice’s design.

She is a stark contrast from the archetypal Alice we think of: her blonde bouncy mane has been replaced by flat black hair and those bright blue eyes are replaced by some (totally unnatural and thus all-the-more) stunning green eyes. She still wears a blue dress very similar to that in the Disney film, but often blood-stained and it may change to represent the current level and there are some fantastic designs.

As I said, she retains a collected façade, she rarely complains or whines and always jumps straight into the task at hand, and I already love this type of character but I think that I especially appreciate this in Alice because it’s clearly a part of her damage. It’s how she deals with the trauma that is shown to us through the bizarre level designs. There are literal statues of her crying in the first level, and later on there is a level with statues of a women in loose Japanese style clothing weeping blood, but I suspect that the woman is either Alice herself or (for reasons I won’t go into) her sister, Elizabeth. Regardless, those statues get replaced by sexy ant women and I absolutely love it. Like seriously, who gave you permission to give me a new kink? I don’t even like bugs!

I almost regret starting this article because as I write I become more and more aware of how little justice I can do the game, especially in a mere 1000 words.

The music in Returns is amazing. It’s nothing special in-and-of-itself and listening to the soundtrack it doesn’t really have me engaged, but it’s fantastic at setting the mood. Each song only appears to be a minute or two long and constantly looped, but when you are in the missions you don’t really notice while it sets the mood.

The story itself isn’t particularly special and I predicted a few things ahead of time. This isn’t necessarily bad; the clues were there, but mostly I think I guessed right simply because it’s a game to play for the experience.

But at one point there is a subversion of the action genre. Technically this is a spoiler and I shouldn’t really say it (about an eight year-old game), but they set up this huge mecha-boss battle in a collapsing building, something we see time and again, only for a piece of rubble to take it out pre-emptively. I know some didn’t like that, seeing it as a disappointment, but I loved it!

Yeah, I hate that type of boss battle. I hate standing on a platform, waiting for the enemy to attack and then using my tiny knife on a massive metal hand. It’s overdone, it’s dull and it’s kinda dumb.

I’ve heard rumour about a third game in development which would be fantastic! I may be eight years too late, but Madness Returns is absolutely my personal game of the year.

I’m slow, so sue me.

Actually, please don’t.

#first puffin #opinion #review #sortof #alice in wonderland #american mcgee's alice #american mcgee's alice madness returns #madness returns #great video games #ineedtoresearchkeywords #video games #thosetagswilldofornow

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cncolydia · 6 years ago

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Treat You Better- Christopher Velez Imagine

Before you read: This is for @cieloxcnco ‘s 1000+ follower contest : ) This is actually my first ever imagine, i was so excited when i saw the contest bcos i’ve been looking for a reason to start writing on here, anyway i hope you all enjoy!

Prompt: Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes “tell me why are we wasting time on all your wasted crying when you should be with me instead?”

Warnings: none:)

You attempted to belt the final note to your song, but instead bursted out laughing at the face Richard was pulling at you.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry i'll do it again!" You shouted up to one of the members out the crew, sending a glare to Richard and the boys, who were sat on the floor below the stage watching you soundcheck, or at least attempt to. This had been going on for the past half an hour, you trying to control your laughter while they try to make you laugh.

"Seriously stop guys, I'm not the main act here like you, I can actually get in trouble!" You gritted your teeth at them, a smile peeking out. You wanted to get this soundcheck over and done with before you lost your job. But you still found the boys hilarious.

"It's not our fault you can't contain your laughter y/n" Joel said, laughing his head off.

You stuck your tounge out at him, and gave the crew a thumbs up, indicating you were ready to sing again.

You started your song, closing your eyes to get through it, knowing if you made eye contact with any of the boys again you'd loose it.

You had been their support act for the last two weeks, and would be for the next two months touring the world. Right now, you were in Paris. You were a singer, but you knew you only got this oppurtunity due to having known Joel since you met in primary school. Plus, you had met the rest of the boys during the La Banda process, so you had got to know them quite well. Though living with them in a very small tour bus was very different than seeing them every so often. But you were loving every minute of it. The only problem was your constant worries about your boyfriend Ashton, who you had left back home. He wasn't supportive of you going on tour, but you couldn't pass up the oppurtunity.

As your choreography came to an end and you sang the last note, you opened your eyes to the five boys clapping and whistling at you. You noticed Chris staring at you, not clapping like the others but just staring. You shook it off and laughed at the boys reactions and then looked up to the tour crew expectantly, who gave you a thumbs up indicating your sound check set was finshed.

"Thank god thats over." You said, laughing as you walked down the steps to join the boys below the stage.

"That was really good y/n" Joel said, giving you a reassuring smile. You replied by giving him a side hug and sitting beside him.

"I still can't get over the fact that this arena will be full of people here for us tonight." Erick commented, looking around the venue.

"I know right. It's insane." Chris chirped back. You zoned out of the conversation as your phone started buzzing in your pocket. Pulling it out, you saw it was your best friend Lucia from back home and excused yourself to answer it, heading out of the arena into the corridor.

"Hey Lucia! Como estás?"

"Hola. Estoy bien pero you might not be. My friend was out last night and she ran into Ashton. She sent me this picture. I'm sending it to you now" She said with a low voice. Your stomach turned in fear, as you looked at your phone screen to see a picture of your boyfriend kissing a red head in a night club. Your heart sank.

"I'm so sorry y/n. Apparently this wasn't the first time she had seen them together."

"Gracias Lucia. I'll talk to you later, okay?" You chirped, holding in your emotions.

"Okay y/n. I love you." She said, ending the call.

You suddenly burst out into tears, leaning back against the wall behind you.

You almost knew this was going to happen after you left, but it didn't mean it hurt any less. You did love Ashton, and the pain in you heart showed this. You had known it was going to end soon but part of you just wanted to hold on to your relationship. But you couldn't anymore, not after this.

"Y/n?" Chris' voice startled you, as you frantically pushed the tears from your face.

"Qué pasó princesa?" He asked, running towards you, concern ridden in his voice.

"Its Ashton." You choked out, tears threatening to fall once again.

"What's he done?" Chris said sternly, anger clear in his voice.

Unable to speak, you showed him the picture on your phone. Chris' body completely tensed up for a second before relaxing to pull you into a soft embrace.

"I'm so sorry y/n." He whispered into your hair, holding you tight.

You pulled yourself away, taking a deep breath and attempting to pull yourself together.

"Its okay Chris, just don't worry about it. It's my own fault anyway. If I hadn't left, he wouldn't-" You started.

"No! Don't you dare blame yourself y/n." Chris interupted you and put both his hands on your shoulders, looking deeply into your eyes. "If he really loved you, he would have never done this. If he really loved you he would've supported you touring the world, living your dream. You deserve so much better."

A little bit taken aback by his words, you looked back at him with a small smile, visually thanking him.

"Venga. We are going on a trip to cheer you up." He declared, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the exit of the arena.

"But what about the concert Chris?" You said, scoffing.

"We will be back in time, por supuesto. ¡Vamos!" He replied, pulling you out and into the street. Night was falling onto the streets of Paris, and the serenity of the city calmed you immediatley. You were so disapointed when you were told you wouldnt have time to explore the city, as the boys had spent a few days here on their last tour and had already seen it all, and there just wasn't even time to spare this time round. But it seemed Chris had a different plan.

"Are you ready to see the beautiful eifell tower?" He asked, a grin big enough for the both of you, as he hauled a taxi of the street and opened the door of it for you.

You nodded, completely taken aback by his plans but nevertheless climbing into the back of the taxi and pushing the thoughts of Ashton out of your head.

You watched out of the window as you drove through the city, the taxi's radio playing softly in the background. You were so glad to stop thinking about Ashton and start enjoying youself. You looked over to Chris and smiled to yourself, thinking about how happy you were to be actually spending time with him. Since the first time you met him, you had had strong feelings for him. He was just so beautiful, and so sweet. His natural flirtiness didn't help either. But you had always been with Ashton, so you pushed these thoughts away and ultimately just avoided Chris to stop anything from happening between you. But this had only ended up with you closer to all the other boys, and chris never really understanding why.

Your thoughts were interupted by the song playing on the radio being very familiar. You and Chris' eyes met and you both burst out laughing as the intro to Pretend started to play.

"I'll never get over things like this happening." Chris said laughing.

As Joel's intro finished, Chris joined in with the radio, singing along with his part.

"Me avisa' cuando tú quiera', haré como si no existiera' sigo aquí en tu lista de espera, yeahh" He sang, and you smiled at his incredible voice.

You joined in, singing Joel's part, "Yeah I gotta love but I'm involved, yeah I gotta choice so it's my fault, staring at a problem we can't solve" You both sang along to the song, forgetting the taxi driver was in the car at all. Chris even attempted to do the choreography in the small space you had, and you couldn't stop laughing at him. It surprised you both when the car abruptly stopped, and you looked out the window to see the tower a short walk away.

You both jumped out of the car, thanking the driver whilst laughing at your singing moment. Then you stopped in awe of the view of the eifell tower. It was stunning, with a golden glow contrasting the slowly darkening blue sky.

Chris took your hand in his and pulled you away from the tower, much to your dismay. You looked at him quizically.

"I have a plan, first stop is McDonalds." He stated, pulling you along.

"But, the-" You started before hearing your stomach rumble, "actually I'm starving."

"That's what I thought." Chris said, dragging you into the restaurant to one of the touch screen machines, ordering his food (enough to feed a village) and yours. As you went to collect your meals, one of the workers noticed Chris and blushed, whispering to her co-worker in French. You wondered if they knew who he was, or if they were just taken aback by his good looks. You knew you were when you first met. They gave you the food and as you left, your hand dived straight into the bag for some fries.

"Nooo, you need to wait." Chris said, taking the bag from you. You pouted, but smiled internally at how he had almost planned this trip, despite it being completely spontaneous.

"Where are we going Chris?" you questioned, noticing you weren't heading towards the tower.

"Espérate y ya verás" He mysteriously said, walking towards a row of old buildings, that still managed to look beautiful due to the tower's golden glow. He took you to the back of them and led you to a fire exit set of stairs.

You looked at him very confused.

"Venga y/n" He said, laughing at your face and grabbing your hand again, leading you up the stairs. His laugh was contagious, making you giggle to yourself, butterflies filling your stomach. All thoughts of Ashton and that girl left your mind, and you felt more at peace and more happy than you had since you first left for tour. As much as you were of course enjoying the tour so far, your worries about had Ashton clouded over you. And now, even though your worst nightmare had happened, somehow you felt better than ever, knowing he was out of your life for good. Maybe you needed this to happen.

You snapped out of your thoughts as you arrived at the top of five flights of stairs, as Chris lead you out onto a roof top, ridiculously close to the Eifel Tower. You gasped at the view, and your heart felt full. It was so mesmerising.

"Chris, this is amazing." You said, squeezing his hand which you hadn't yet let go off.

"Isn't it? We found this spot last year." He said, pulling you to the edge of the roof, to sit down. He let go of your hand to lay out the food, and you couldn't stop smiling. You knew that you would never forget this.

You both dug into your food, watching the people bustle around the tower on the ground as the sky slowly grew darker, and small stars began to appear above you.

"How are you feeling y/n?" Chris said with a concerned tone in his voice, clearly referring to Ashton.

"Honestly, better than ever Chris. Thankyou for this." You said, giving him a smile. He grinned back.

"I want to know more about you y/n. We've been touring for months together already yet I feel like I hardly know you." He said, turning his body to face you.

You grin at his proposition. "20 questions?"

"Yesss." He said, his smile never fading.

"You first." You chirped back

"Okay. Favourite food?"

"Hmm. Right now, these fries." You said, pointing to the bag into front of you and popping on in your mouth. "Favourite colour?"

"Red. Dogs or cats?"

"Dogs, always." You smiled, thinking of your dog at home.

"When's your birthday?"

"23rd September. What's your favourite song?"

"Easy. Bonita by CNCO." You winked. "Where was your favourite ever performance?"

"Definitely our first ever performance as CNCO, it was insane." He said, and you smiled at his face clearly remembering this. "When did you know you wanted to be a singer?"

"I think I've always known. I remember me and Joel used to talk about how we were both gonna be singers together when we grew up since we were like 6."

You carried on like this for a while, asking random questions and feeling happy to be learning more about Chris. You had definitely asked more than 20 questions. More than hour later, your head had ended up in his lap as he lent back, his arms holding him up as he played with your hair a little bit.

"Have you ever been in love?" You asked.

"Yeah." He gulped, looking out at the city. "What's your worst fear?"

"Losing my voice. It's my whole life." You admitted and took a deep breath to ask "What's your opinion on cheating?".

"I think If I loved someone enough to be with them, I'd never think about anyone else, let alone let myself get into the situation where I could ever kiss someone else other than who I'm with." He said, staring out at the view of the city.

You started to tear up, your thoughts returning to Ashton and your heart starting to hurt again. Chris looked down at you, and noticed your tears. Instead of prying, he just wiped your tears away. You looked up at him, your heart warming at his touch, as his hand cupped your cheek lightly.

"Why have you always avoided me y/n?" He asked, eyes pouring into yours. You were taken aback, you had never realised it was obvious enough for him to notice.

"I- I just couldn't let myself be in the situation where I could kiss someone else, I guess." You said, taking your words from what he had just said about cheating. He looked back at you a little confused. "I mean, I just kinda liked you from first meeting you, but I was with Ashton so, I guess I avoided you a bit, to stop myself from feeling that way.”

He looked slightly surprised, but happy with your response, as he suddenly moved his hand from your cheek to your neck and pulled you up towards his face in one swift movement, leaving your lips just centimetres apart. You could hear your heart pounding as he paused, looking for confirmation that this is what you wanted and as the cool wind blew between your close lips, you couldn't have been anymore sure. You pulled your arms up around his neck and let your lips connect. He immediately responded, moving his lips against yours. You moved slowly in sync, as you moved your leg across his body so you were straddling him. You both melted into the kiss, and you felt him pouring his every emotion into it. You let your hands move up his neck into his hair, running your hands through it. The kiss slowly grew more intense, but it was still sweet and full of adoration, you never wanted to stop.

You both pulled away eventually, breathing heavily with your foreheads connected.

"I would treat you so much better than he did y/n. You should be with me instead." He breathed out, looking so deep into your eyes, you felt like he could see into your soul.

You replied to this by leaning to kiss him again, smiling into the kiss. He kissed back sweetly, loving the feeling of your lips together.

"Will you be with me, amor?" He whispered, leaning away from your lips and down to your neck, where he began kissing you again.

"I need to speak to Ashton and tell him its over. Then me and you can start this, for real." You said, leaning your neck back giving him access to your sweet spot below your ear.

"Sounds. Amazing. Princesa." He spoke between kisses. A smile took over your face, before you suddenly realized how dark the sky had become.

"Chris. What time is it?" You asked, though you regretted it as soon as his lips left your neck.

He took his phone out of his pocket and cursed.

"Erm, it may be 5 minutes till your set starts." He said, gulping.

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