#sorry for all the ramble talk im just figuring stuff out again!!!

[audio-of-neopronouns]

somehow tumblr let me queue more than seven audios. maybe it had something to do with being five minutes until midnight (the post count reset time). thank you tumblr <3

[lunarhoneybunny]

sighs. okay tmi posting sorry guys

[arolesbianism]

Mark meeting ded is just gonna be him going btw have you heard of the music producer 8ballin' 👉👈? And ae is just gonna sit there like I've been in every wrong place that you can imagine for the past half a decade you tell me

[sexilene]

can i please request reader going off to collage and not wanting to go and leave rafe, and then he convinces her that its okay not to go and stay with him? if it's a little confusion im sorry!

ive got ya!! xoxo!!! (sorry about any spelling mistakes, im like so beyond sleepy rn idk whyyy!!!!)

"hey baby? where are the suitcases, packed already?” your boyfriend shouts from the hall, wondering where all your stuff that was once out ready to get packed, is gone from where he last saw it.

“uh- almost,” you call back, watching him walk into your room carefully trying not to spill your sleepy time tea in his hand, staring down at the cup until he places it on your nightstand. "did you put em away?-" he begins, before you cut him off,

“ray?”

“yeah?”

“i need to talk to you about something…it’s nothing bad i promise…” your eyes wide and full of an emotion he can't quite place. he stares down at you sitting on the bed, crossing his arms waiting to hear what you've got to say. “okay, what’s up?”

“weeeell, i'm really proud of myself about getting in but i’m still a little nervous about going away…leaving you…” you ramble, avoiding eye contact with rafe. “got separation anxiety?” he laughs, bending down to be at eye level with you.

“don’t joke right now rafe, m’serious!” you whine, going to hide your face in your hands when rafe grabs your wrists ever so gently to direct your attention back on him. “sorry, sorry baby…continue." your boyfriend whispers, softly rubbing the skin on your wrist back and forth with his thumb.

you take a deep breath to keep the tears at bay “i’ve just been thinking about it a lot and i don’t wanna be half away across the country! and of course i know how important college is-”

rafe interrupts you by shrugging and muttering out an “eh,” as if to dismiss the importance of college,

“but…”

“but what, baby?” his eyes innocently looking up at you,

“what if i didn’t go? like i want to, but i don’t and it's all so stressful and i feel like i’m gonna disappoint everyone if i don’t go…” a tear then streaming down your face faster than you can wipe it away to keep him from seeing you cry over this.

your sweet boyfriend's heart twists with every tear that follows, he lets go of your wrists to hold your hands in his much bigger, warmer ones and shushes your fears, “hey- hey okay…just relax a minute kid, if you don’t want to you don’t have to. i say it all the time, can’t fucking wait to put a big ass diamond on this finger. and you won’t gotta worry about anything, cause i promise i’ll take care of you.” he tells you, a smirk on his face, trying his best to reassure you.

“i know but i don’t want to look stupid by being the girl who got into an amazing school but then chose to marry her first boyfriend and stay here!” you realize it's not the nicest thing to say out loud but it is- or would be the truth.

“what’s stupid bout being my little housewife?” rafe furrows his eyebrows, bringing his lips down to kiss every single one of your fingers. “aight listen, i’m so proud of you for getting in and doing the preparation for it but if you feel like your mind has changed that's not a bad thing. im fuckin’ relieved you wanna stay, and if you wanna still go to school there’s always UNC… you’d be closer.” your boyfriend was always very good at reasoning, especially with you. he could calm you in any situation with a couple of wise words and kisses.

“yeah…” you sigh, and wipe your nose with the back of your hand, letting go of his. and sure it's relieving to know that you could always choose to make that decision later, yet the thought in the back of your mind still present, telling you not to end up as another figure eight stepford wife.

and as quickly as the thought crept back into your mind, rafe was able to make it disappear “look, i love you babydoll and im gonna support you as you support me yeah? whatever you want, i'll get it for you you know that... you belong here, with me.” he stands back up again, hands reaching down to wipe the remaining tear droplets on your cheeks gently, to show you he cares ever so much about you and how much he wants to be soft with you- as if you could break like a china doll. “kay, so no tears. did your makeup so pretty today baby...”

your wet lashes sticking together, doe eyes staring up at him with love and admiration. “you’re my best friend ray. i love you, so much my heart hurts.”

“and you're mine, and i love you more than anything ever- and you can sleep on it you know? don't have to make up your mind right here." he whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

ᥫ᭡.

[psychesalcove]

who knows how long i've loved you, you know i love you still

♡ leo valdez x fem. reader

synopsis. request!!

tw. nothing i think, just not proofread at all

guess who finally is writing again!! this past month has been soo packed with school and work things—this year is also a hectic scholarship one, so i've been doing that lol. i'm sorry that i haven't been active, lifes just been crazy 😓.

"hi."

you saw leo jump a little from where he sat at the ledge of the fire escape. he turned his head slightly in your direction, but his eyes stayed put on the streets of manhattan. "hey."

the seven were meeting up at sallys apartment—a tradition that had been going on for some time now. you had just come from the kitchen, were everyone was chatting away, minus leo. that's what brought you out here. you somehow always had a nack for knowing where he was; a longing, some said.

you walked over to him, silently asking him if you could sit. he nodded silently, the opposite of how he usually is at these gatherings—talking to anyone and everyone about whatever came to mind. you sat down at the approval nod, mimicking his position by draping your legs over the edge too.

"whats wrong?" you asked, getting straight to the point. leo never got this quiet unless something was wrong, you learned that from your time on argo ii with him. he shrugged his shoulders, eyes following a person walking their dog down the street.

"hey, cmon." you said lightly, bumping your shoulder with his. "i wanna know how to help."

he shrugged again, but this time started taking. "i don't know," he mumbled. "i just, feel weird–i guess, i don't know." he shrugged his shoulders again; must be his favorite gesture right now.

"i think you do know what you feel," you mused, eyes flickering from the across the street apartments to leo. "what's happening in that smart head of yours?" you prompted, ears picking up on percy singing horribly from somewhere inside.

you saw leo smile lightly at your wording from the corner of your eyes, but didn't mention it. "i think it just feels different now, i guess." he started. "i mean, everyone here seems to be figuring out their life. percy, annabeth, you and jason are at college, piper already has a business starting, hazel and frank are doing great at new rome, and then—" he stopped with a breath, shoulders slumping down.

"then i'm here with nothing to talk about. what do i even say? that im just doing nothing cool? i haven't even really starting applying to college, how do i talk about that and sound interesting?" he rambled, hands starting to gesture mindlessly.

you considered this. you haven't even realized that leo felt like this; he always seemed like the most interesting person to you. "you can talk alot about applying to college," you said finally, watching as he looked over and made eye contact with you for the first time since you came out here.

"talk about the collage, what you're thinking of majoring in, stuff like that. gods, you can even talk about joining a frat house; piper would joke about that for hours with you." as you talked, you watched as leo took in your words, though you didn't know if it was helping.

"remeber when i was applying to college last year? i talked about that with you for hours, and you didn't get bored, did you?" you asked. leo shook his head in response pressing his lips together as he thought.

"and, i promise you—i ever swear on river styx—that everyone in there would love to talk to you about anything, especially me." you said, hand coming up to hold his. you don't know where this gesture came from, but it almost seemed natural to you. you squeezed his hand, smiling as he reciprocated.

"thank you." leo mumbled, his free hand coming up to quickly rub at his eyes.

"leo, you better not start crying on me now," you joked, hand still in his. he laughed lightly at your statement, his arm now rubbing at his face instead of just his hands.

"can i hug you?" he asked. before he could even finish his question, you were removing your hand from his and instead embracing him fully. he mumbled something you couldn't pick up, but he quickly hugged you back tigher.

"thank you so much." he repeated, head resting on your shoulder.

[amyispxnk]

I'd run away and hide with you

Summary - Ellie joins you and Joel on your trek to Jackson. Along the way, your mind gets the better of you, and when you reach Jackson it all comes crashing down.

A/N: i don't have any excuses for why this took so long and im so so sorry guys 😭 2024 was hectic and ive only recently been able to catch up on stuff pls forgive mee

Pairing: platonic/father figure!Joel Miller x f!reader (could probably be read as GN tho?)

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, violence, guns, language, PTSD, abuse mentions, panic attack/mental breakdown

Previous Chapter || Series Masterlist

DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

You’re getting bad again; that much is visible to him now. But he doesn’t even know what’s wrong this time.

You never open up to him anymore. At the start, you’d tell him everything that was going on in that little head of yours. You’d let him hold you while you cried. You’d always talk to him.

Now you don’t talk and you practically smack yourself in the face whenever you cry, willing the tears away as you bite down on your lip.

It’s been a few months since you left Boston to visit the guys at Lincoln. It was a good trip. After that hiccup at the start, you had pretty much forgotten about your dad; he couldn’t even get to you in your sleep. You spent a lot of time hanging out with Frank whilst Bill and Joel ‘talked business’, and it was pretty fun seeing the little home they had built for themselves in the town - Frank even let you pocket some strawberries, and it was your first time trying them. Safe to say they were fucking amazing, and you told Joel all about it that night. He'd pretend to be annoyed at your incessant rambling but he liked to see you happy, distracted, somewhat.

When you came back, Marlene was bugging Joel about some new smuggling job in exchange for the car battery he’d been searching for and before you knew it, you were back on the road again to bring this kid - Ellie - to the fireflies.

She was a bright, bubbly kid. Constantly talking and telling you and Joel jokes from that damn pun book of hers.

Joel didn’t warm up to her nearly as quickly as you did, and you obviously knew why. You’d been staying with him for almost half a year now, and had gone through a lot of shit with him, so he’d told you about his past. About Sarah.

So you had a hunch that that was why he didn’t open up to Ellie easily. That was why he’d always just grunt at her whenever she asked a question, why he’d practically toss her food at her when she had to eat, why he would barely even acknowledge her.

You could always tell he never meant it though. He didn’t really hate her. He cared about her - that’s just how he was - and it scared him. He was a protector, a fighter, and, most importantly, a father. He basically took you under his wing and gave you all the paternal love you ached for before, and now he had Ellie to look out for too.

But as time went on, you started noticing things. He started laughing at her jokes, or engaging in conversations with her, even telling her about before. You then realised how much it actually pissed you off.

Seeing them getting along made you incredibly jealous. Joel was your protector, your carer, your da..

You shake your head. It still felt weird when you accidentally found yourself thinking of him like that, giving him that name in your head.

It had been a few months since you all left Boston, for good you hoped, you hated that place and all the unfortunate memories you left there, but now you were in the cold and unforgiving state of Wyoming.

Right now you were all huddled around a fire in a little alcove. Joel had some whiskey which he sipped on.. As he talked to Ellie. Fucking Ellie, who was joking around with him, asking him stupid questions about some sheep farm on the moon.

You weren’t paying attention, you didn’t care. You instead chose to stew in your own thoughts which were drifting back to before any of this. You stared into the fire as you remembered the times you were the one making Joel smile, the one he’d hold and comfort, the one he’d talk with at the end of a long day.

He didn’t do all of that with Ellie, but he didn’t do any of it with you anymore, either.

Suddenly, your thoughts go even further back, remembering your father. Remembering the constant screaming which definitely damaged your eardrums by the time you’d left, the incessant beatings you received - at least that taught you first-aid, right? - and the many, many nights spent crying yourself to sleep. You didn’t get to cry in front of your father, knowing he’d only hit you harder for being weak and useless, so you just waited until you were curled up on the little mattress on the floor, your dad already asleep from the alcohol.

You only come back to the present moment when you taste the metal of blood in your mouth. You didn’t remember biting down on your lip but apparently you had been so hard that it made you wince slightly when you pressed your fingers to it.

Joel didn’t notice. He was still talking with Ellie, his eyes soft as he looked at her over the flames.

Jealousy makes tears sting at your eyes. You’d thought finally, finally, you found someone who would actually care about you.

Now you watch bitterly as Ellie makes him laugh more than you’d done in a while, wondering what you did wrong.

-

You were clutching your handgun tight, not feeling safe out in the open like this despite not having encountered any dangers for a good week now. It felt like things were too safe, and you didn’t like it.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Ellie blowing air through her lips, and it actually kind of annoyed you, because what was she even doing?

Joel asked that question for you.

“What are you doing..?” He sighs heavily, glancing at her, to which she just smirks.

“I’m learning to whistle.” She replies simply.

“You don’t know how to whistle?”

“Does it look like I know how to whistle?” She huffs.

They go back and forth for a little longer, with Joel ending up defeated as Ellie continues her air-blowing, and you find your heart splintering at the sight of them bickering only like father and daughter would. It might not seem like much, but you’ve definitely noticed how Joel’s gotten closer with Ellie over the past few months. It’s upsetting, seeing his natural paternal instincts coming out with her too now.

The three of you make your way past a big dam and arrive at a river, at which point Ellie unhelpfully chirps up.

“Hey, guys, what if this is the river of death?” She jokes, not realising how poor her timing was, for you hear the heavy thuds of horse hooves almost as soon as she finishes her sentence.

“Hands up. Don’t make any sudden movements, or we shoot.” A gruff voice barks out. You know better than to go against what they’ve said, so you turn slowly with your arms raised, and wait for Joel to do any negotiating.

“We ain't lookin’ for any trouble, we’re just passin’ through.” Joel says, keeping his voice strong and unwavering.

“Drop the gun.” The man spits, and Joel slowly does as he says, his eyes wide with panic and betraying the collected and brave persona he attempts to put on when he realises that this might be it.

Ellie looks equally terrified, and you can’t blame her, especially when the man addresses her directly, telling her to step back and away from you.

“How ‘bout we just talk this through-” Joel starts.

“How about you shut the fuck up?” The man’s gun is now raised, and Joel knows better than to argue now, nodding.

The man asks about if any of you are infected, and you feel the dread setting into your bones. Joel tries to diffuse the situation and ease the man’s (unfortunately correct) suspicions, but it’s no use, as he whistles for the sniffer dog.

He offers you a bullet instead, the easy way out, and you all remain silent, panicking further as the dog sniffs you, then Joel, then makes its way to Ellie.

You don’t know where to look, you can see Joel starting to hyperventilate, you can see Ellie’s eyes shining with a terror you’ve never seen her showing before, and you just decide to not look anywhere. You squeeze your eyes shut before-

She’s giggling. Your brows furrow, eyes opening to see Ellie playing with the dog, her face getting licked, and she looks over at the two of you, giving you a sort of ‘how the fuck am I alive’ look, before petting the dog and smiling.

“You just bought yourself 10 more seconds. What’s your business here?” The man shouts, and Joel tells him that he’s looking for his brother, trying to keep things brief.

A lady rides forward, asking Joel for his name. He gives it, and she’s silent, looking around at the three of you and trying to piece things together, before telling you to come with her.

-

Maybe something’s wrong with me, you think, picking at your nails absentmindedly as you trail behind the group - Maria, Joel, Ellie, and Tommy on their little tour of Jackson.

No, something’s definitely wrong with me. Because why else would you be so jealous of them? Of Joel finally finding his brother - another person to drive him away from you - and finally growing closer to Ellie.

Not to mention the way you just fucking clam up any time he asks about it.

Not to mention the way you just let it all build up, suffering in silence, waiting and waiting for the inevitable moment where you break.

You all end up in the dining hall afterwards and, while you’re pissed about everything else, you can’t deny some good food. You almost moan at the taste of proper, seasoned meat after all these months, wolfing it down in similar speed to Ellie and Joel.

“There’s more if you need it.” Maria adds after a few moments of watching you all, no judgement in her tone despite your rough actions.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Joel says, looking up briefly before continuing to eat. “Been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.”

“Actually I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal,” Ellie chimes in, making you clench your jaw. God, even her voice pisses you off. Nobody asked her to talk. “This is amazing.” She mumbles, food in her mouth.

Joel glances at her for a second.

“Sorry.” He tells Tommy and Maria. “Ellie, let’s mind our manners.”

She doesn’t reply, looking up instead to see a girl watching her behind a pillar.

“What!” She barks, making the girl run away and making you scoff. She glances at you, frowning, before continuing to eat.

You knew she didn’t hate you - you were a good pretender most of the time. Laughing at her jokes, smiling tightly during conversations.. But lately you’d slipped a bit, and she was starting to notice.

“What’s wrong with you?” Joel mutters.

“What about her manners?” Ellie spits, always so defensive.

“She was just curious.” Maria soothes, “Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.”

“Right,” she says, nodding her head slowly, “well maybe I’ll teach them.”

It takes everything in you to not scream. She was annoying you so much. And she was getting all the attention because of her boisterous behaviour. You were sitting there, quietly, calmly, and no one batted an eye at you.

“And I want my gun back.” Ellie argues.

“They also aren’t armed.”

Tommy jumps in, sensing the tension growing even more.

“You know what, uh, I think y’all got off on the wrong foot.” He starts, but the two keep bickering.

Eventually, Tommy reveals that Maria is his wife, and after an eager congrats! from Ellie, and the most forced one possible from Joel, the meal ends.

-

Tommy quickly shows the three of you around the rest of Jackson - Maria chose to stay behind - before leaving you and Ellie in your temporary house, going to have a chat with Joel.

“Soooo.. That was awkward, huh?” She chuckles, trying to joke with you like you used to at the start of all this.

You nod, anger still bubbling up inside of you. You didn’t want to be angry at her, or Joel, even, and you knew if you talked with her for too long you’d just end up yelling at her, so you tried your hardest to keep calm.

She chews on her lip, nodding slowly before starting to ramble about how crazy this town is and how Joel is totally pissed at Tommy.

You keep nodding along, wondering how on Earth she manages to keep going on and on for way too long.

Eventually, she bids you goodbye, going to explore the town.

You wouldn’t want to hang out with yourself either, you think as she closes the door.

-

Joel came back home in the evening, pissed off. You tried saying hi to him, having decided you were done being annoyed at him, but he completely brushed you off before storming upstairs.

Maybe you weren’t making it up. Maybe he did just.. Start hating you.

Ellie’s been in her claimed room for an hour, and the house is quiet until about 10pm. You’re still on the couch, curled up, lost in your thoughts. About Joel, about Ellie, wondering about yourself, too. You were thinking about how nice this town is, how you didn’t want to leave tomorrow at all, but figured you’d definitely have to. You’d have to return to the wasteland outside these walls, and you’d probably never make it back to Jackson.

You’d had too many close calls already. God, or whatever was out there, had probably spared you enough.

Your thoughts spiralled and spiralled until it happened.

Everything came out.

It started with tears, silent as they streamed down your face, before the anger released itself, making you dig your nails into your skin in some final attempt at self-control, before you were storming upstairs.

You throw the door open to Joel’s room, and he blinks at you, having been in bed, probably trying to sleep while you soaked in your misery downstairs.

He’s such a fucking asshole, is all you can think.

“I’m not coming with you tomorrow.” You mutter, surprised you aren’t yelling already.

His brows furrow and he stands up, trying to approach you.

“What’re you talkin’ about?” He says, voice stern and rough.

“You clearly don’t want me around anyway! I’d just be making your life even harder if I came with you. I’ll.. I’ll just go my own way.” You huff, voice quivering towards the end when you realised you’d have to trek this world alone now.

He repeats his previous question and you bury your face in your hands, nails tightening against your fists as you try not to start screaming at him.

“When was the last time we had a proper conversation? Or you asked me how I was doing? Or you hugged me, or anything?! You couldn’t even be bothered to say hi to me earlier, and last night you and Ellie were being buddy-buddy by the fire while I was literally on the verge of tears. You clearly don’t care about me anymore. It’s just her.” You’re shouting now, rage consuming you as you get closer to him, shoving him backwards.

He grabs your arms roughly and you visibly flinch, eyes widening under your furrowed brows as you peer up at him. His face is blurry underneath your tears, and your mind short-circuits.

Your dad is back? Your mind tells you yes. Yes, and you’ve pissed him off now, he’s grabbing you because he’s about to throw you on the floor. You’re always doing something wrong - you should’ve known better than to argue. Only insolent, disgraceful children open their mouths in retaliation. You should respect your father. Now you have to apologise and pray he accepts it.

Immediately you’re cowering. He can’t even get a word out before you start apologising, body trembling as he loosens his grip on you.

“Please, sir, I- I’m so sorry- I didn’t- I didn’t mean to- to yell. I’m sorry, I’ll leave, just please d-don’t- please don’t h-urt me-” you choke out, voice raw.

His expression softens, brows knitted in concern now rather than frustration.

“Baby, come here-” he tries to say, but you’re shaking your head, inching further backward until you press against the wall, whimpering when you realise you’re trapped.

Now he’s going to hurt you. Your apologies mean nothing when he gets this mad.

Joel had only grabbed you. It was nothing like the abuse you used to face and yet it was still enough to make you completely crumble.

You sink to the floor, sobbing, still apologising. Ellie’s awake by now, her eyes wide as she listens to what she can make out. What the fuck did he do to you? She’s about to get up, to go and protect you. She doesn’t care if you’d been giving her the cold shoulder for the past few weeks, she doesn’t care if Joel seemed to be giving her the opposite at last. If you’re in trouble and it’s because of him she didn’t fucking care about anything else.

But then she pauses, just outside the door, hearing him cooing at you.

“Calm down honey. It’s okay, it’s me, Joel. Look at me, please.” He murmurs, crouched down in front of you but still giving you some space.

You had your arms raised in front of your face, legs tucked inward, trying to protect yourself from any potential blows, mind still loud and thoughts jumbled, but his voice suddenly helped to clear some of the fog.

You peered at him through the space between your arms and blinked the tears away as best you could.

“..Joel?” You croak after a moment, and he nods, a small smile blossoming on his lips.

“‘S me, sweet girl. Come here.” He opens his arms for you, and you shift closer, still timid and not making that final step.

He sighs softly, not disappointed or annoyed, just sad that your trauma managed to put you in this state.

“It’s just me, okay? It’s Joel, not.. not him. Look at my face, baby.” He whispers, and you do. Your dad wouldn’t call you baby or speak softly with you. Surely this man in front of you wasn’t him.

When you finally recognise him, you feel the tears blooming again, a small whimper escaping your throat before you’re crawling into his lap, clutching him tight. Still apologising, as always.

“Shh, it’s okay. What’s goin’ on, hm?” He says, voice gentle as ever as he holds you. He doesn’t squeeze you tight, or move in any way, he just lets you cling to him. He doesn’t want to suffocate you, knowing you probably already feel like you're drowning, barely tethered to him for support.

“Y-you don’t like me anymore.” You hiccup, and he shakes his head.

“No, sweetheart. Of course I like you. You’re my.. You’re my girl, yeah? Could never hate you.” He murmurs, brows furrowing. Why did you even think that?

“B-but you get on with Ellie way better now, and- and you don’t even talk to me anymore.”

He sighs softly. Ellie was.. A chatty kid. If she didn’t start all those conversations with him, he doubts he would’ve engaged with her nearly half as much as he did. He had grown to enjoy her ramblings, of course, but he was too stressed, anxious all the time on the road, to ever actually start the chats with her or you. He realises now how that would’ve looked to you, understands the emotional breakdown you’d just had, understands why you’d been so quiet recently.

You thought he didn’t want you anymore.

He gently pulls your head back, tilting it up so you could meet his eyes. His thumb catches a tear before it can fall and he starts explaining.

“Babygirl, I wasn’t not talkin’ to ya as much cuz I didn’t like ya. I was just stressed.. Too focused on gettin’ us across the country in one piece to worry about conversations. Ellie’s.. a bit of a chatterbox so of course I had to be respondin’ with her, but..” he trails off, guilt consuming him more and more as he tries to reason with himself. Yes he was nervous but that’s no excuse for the state his negligence has landed you in.

“Fuck, there ain’t no excuse, really. I just.. Please, please believe me right now. I’m tellin’ ya, I don’t hate you and I never ever could, okay?” He pleads, eyes searching yours for any sort of understanding or forgiveness.

He definitely doesn’t see hatred there like he’d seen when you first stormed up here, no, he just sees confusion, worry.

“You really don’t hate me? Even- even after I gave you so much attitude and I was shouting at you? Surely I deserve.. You shouldn’t be being nice to me…” You whisper, brows furrowing, confused at the fact someone was apologising to you. Normally you were the one apologising. He’d been the only person to ever show you compassion and understanding, and you thought, surely you’ve fucked it all up now.

He sighs again, shaking his head. “I could never ever hate you, honey. Never. No matter what you do or say to me, I can promise you hatred would never even cross my mind.”

You whimper again, nodding. “Okay.” Is all you can get past your lips, your body shaking with sobs again as he finally allows himself to hug you properly, rocking you back and forth and stroking your hair.

He isn’t surprised when you fall asleep like this, curled up in his arms. You’ve exhausted yourself in every way tonight, and you deserve a good, long rest.

He grunts softly as he stands up, still keeping you clutched in his arms as he makes his way to the bed and sets you down. He’ll take the couch, he figures. His back is fucked already.

But then you stir a little, blinking up at him as he watches you.

“Joel?”

“Hmm?”

“Can.. can you please stay tonight? I just.. I’m…” You can’t get the words out, but he understands. He knows what you need.

He gets in beside you, kissing your forehead after you cuddle up to him and drift off slowly, blanketed by his comforting presence, your mind a little less stormy with his reassurances now there instead.

Sleep evades him for much longer, though, distant memories of Sarah swirling within his mind. He wonders what she’d think of him, of you, of the way he’s taken you in like this. Would she be proud? Would she be angry? Would she feel like he’s replaced her?

He shakes his head, knowing that those thoughts would just cause him to distance himself from you again.

He finally manages to fall asleep at 2am, dreaming of Christmas trees and a little girl with curly hair.

Tysm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

Tags - @tbeep @rosierogie @jjlevin @axshadows @pedropascalsbbg @pedroshotwifey @pedrosfanny @s0meoone

[pacisandpuzzles]

When logan regresses, he tends to choose a different side or scheduling mishaps happen or whatever the case may be, but typically virgil never watches logan.

it hurts a bit, but he doesn't like overstepping or making little lo upset— i mean... whenever he sees him in the room, logan literally runs off— so he decides to just be less of a caregiver and more of a cool big brother. he can manage that.

that is until one day a side asks virgil to watch logan real fast while they do some errands. easy enough! they can play with legos and watch tv. virgil can do that without making logan upset.

that is until logan mumbles a quiet little "sorry".

virgil glances over at him. "What was that?"

"'M sorry," logan repeats again. he's fiddling with a lego brick. he's always been a little more shy (and emotional) when he's regressing.

Virgil tilts his head, setting down the instructions he was holding. "Why are you sorry, baby?"

"I know you don't like when I regress..."

Virgil's eyes go wide and he sits there for a second trying to figure out what Logan's saying. "What? "

Logan doesn't look up at him, continuing to stare down this lego brick as if it was his life's purpose. "You don't like watching me."

"What are you talking about?? I love watching you!"

Logan purses his lips. "You always give me to someone else or, um... like when patton said you were gonna watch me on sunday it ended up being roman. and that always happens. you don't play toys with me or watch stuff with me. whenever its time for me to go to bed you never put me to sleep it's always janus—"

the more logan rambles on about all the ways virgil "doesn't like him" he realises that while he was trying to make logan feel more comfortable, since he assumed logan didn't like him, logan has been doing the same thing to him this entire time. logan though VIRGIL didn't like HIM!

"it's okay..." logan voice cracks mid sentence, "i'm not upset." he's very upset. "I just wanted to say sorry... we don't have to play or anything if you dont want to. it's okay." logan's bottom lip trembles and virgil can tell he's going to start crying, but if logan starts crying, then virgil's gonna start crying and he really doesnt want to while he's trying to fix the biggest mistake he's ever made in his life—

"oh my god. it's very much not okay, ducky," virgil blinks back tears. logan's eyebrows crease and he looks over at virgil. "I should never have made you feel that way."

"what?" now it's logan's turn to be confused. curling up on himself. he looks so confused and sad and scared. virgil wants to beat himself over the head with a broom handle.

"I'm so sorry, logan. i love watching you i— i thought you didn't want me to, which is very stupid of me," virgil frowns. "I thought maybe you didn't want me to watch you. I was ... badly attempting to make you feel comfortable."

logan stares at him, trying to process what he's saying, before his entire face crumbles. "so you do like me?"

"oh my god," virgil can't help himself from crying along side logan, "yes, yes, little star, i love you. so so much. im so sorry."

virgil scoops logan up into a big hug, basically squeezing him to death.

[paintedkinzy-88]

Im sorry to bother you. I just wanted to say that I love your COI AU. I love the leo angst in it and the Dragon. I have always loved dragons and this scratches a itch I didn't know I had 😆 I was reading back through the asks and saw where you weren't sure about Leos hoard, and then I saw an ask about how he used to talk with Donnie about getting wings. They would talk about shows like Rio and Gaurdians of Gahool. So maybe his hoard can be birds. Just imagine he has all these bird stuffies and figures because he loves movies with flying because he wants to fly, but his family just assumes he just likes birds. Donnie, of course, knows about the dreams, but leo just always plays it off, so it never clicks for Donnie that the bird hoard is another hint at his need to fly. When his brothers find out the birds make so much more sense to them and the obvious obsession just hits them hard because they never noticed. Just a random thought, lol. Sorry that was really long.

Never a bother to get an ask! I love reading everyone’s thoughts!! I’m glad you enjoy it! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Ahhhh I really had to think about this for a while, feel how it would fit in the story, and the more I think about it, the more I actually really like that idea, dang it! I hadn’t actually planned on adding hoards, but you guys make it too fun XD

I’m still debating if it’s ooc at all for him... and if I care lmao. So excuse me as I go on a whole ass ramble once again, to get my new thoughts in order, and maybe see if anyone likes it lmaooo.

Everyone knows that Leo’s liked birds since he was a little dragonet, specifically because of what you mentioned: movies! Rio, The Aviators, even Angry Birds, he loved them all! But at the end of the day, Guardians of Ga’Hoole is what started everything. With scenes like this, as a kid who never really thought about what it was LIKE to fly beside Raph and Mikey? That little tot was immediately fascinated.

However, he also really liked Happy Feet before that, for the exact opposite reason: the swimming (Though the music was a bonus too). He was familiar with that, and he was good at it too, so seeing these lil penguins swimming in an ocean instead of the little pool Splinter was able to get for them was HUGE.

So when birds became such an important thing that it triggered his hoarding instincts, why would anyone assume anything was wrong? Obviously that’s where his questions about flight came from! Birds birds birds.

Bird toys, bird figurines, bird pokemon cards, pictures, movies, plushies, books, he was collecting it all!

It wasn’t until he got to see HTTYD or Avatar, (both a little after he finally accepted flying wasn’t an option for him and obsessing over it wasn’t helping), that he realized his hoard wasn’t just limited to birds. Dragons (ACTUAL dragons, not drakes or serpents…), bats, insects, frikkin flying squirrels — suddenly he was aching to get items revolving around those too.

But if he let himself hoard stuff like that all willy nilly, his family would certainly piece it together, wouldn’t they??

He’s able to let a few items fly (pun intended), like a plush dragon here and there because “it looks like Mikey,” a cool pinned butterfly because it’s “blue, like me,” a bat diagram because “there’s no medical poster for dragon wings, we need that in the medbay, obviously!” Anything he can come up with an excuse for.

But anything else? Anything that might raise too many eyebrows? Like that dragon onesie or that giant bat Halloween decor or the whole WoF comic book series??? Either resist the temptation, or shove it under his bed.

Meanwhile, he absolutely gets teased for being “SO into birds” as a dragonet, it became his hoard. But that’s fine, they tease each other a lot, it’s not as if all of his family doesn’t constantly bring him more bird stuff as gifts lmao.

[buddiebeginz]

the way lou hasn't interacted with anything bt related and yet he continuously interacts with SWAT stuff is certainly interesting, also the way Oliver refuses to follow him or discuss BT ever lol. Lou seems like he's less enthused as well about BT. I think even he knows they're bones.

I've been wondering if Lou got the info he isn't coming back already or that if he is coming back it will be for like one episode. It's just his weird behavior online doesn't make sense for an actor hoping to stick around long term on successful primetime show.

People had been calling out his old racist/misogynistic insta posts for a while and he hadn't said anything but for some reason he chose that particular day to respond to that one with a very creepy screenshot about spitting on blind children. Then he blocked Buddie shippers. Deletes some of those old insta posts. Then apart from liking one of the posts where people made him out to be the victim:

he has basically stopped even engaging with his minions now. He's even stopped making cameos. And I don't know if that's because he was told to or just because those fans served their purpose for him and he's moving on to other things.

Buddie or not I've always gotten the impression that Lou doesn't seem too invested in playing T*mmy and even less in playing one half of a queer relationship long term. I think he thought he was signing on to play T*mmy for a few eps and he'd be done by the end of s7. Which I think was originally the plan.

Look at these older cameos from Lou and how he talked about T*mmy and Buddie. Not saying I believe every thing he's said in any of his videos but these were some of the early ones he put out and I think initially he was going more off of where the script was going vs his own headcanons.

https://buddiebeginz.tumblr.com/post/748524266454138880/im-sorry-but-anyone-who-doesnt-see-this-as-tommy

https://buddiebeginz.tumblr.com/post/748034351773646848

But basically he makes it seem like T*mmy is just there to stir things up a bit until Buck and Eddie figure things out. Only they decided to push Eddie coming out and Buddie feelings realization back until s8 (I wrote a post about my thoughts on that here). So they kept Lou in for a few more eps than he was initially signed on for. This also explains why after ep6 we don't see or even hear about T*mmy again until ep9.

But back to Lou based on the rumors floating around my feeling is that he's getting more of prominent role on SWAT which if he's still being asked back for s8 of 911 and the two shows conflict with one another I 100% believe he'd chose SWAT anyday over 911. Not just because SWAT seems much more his style but also like I said I don't think he's invested in playing T*mmy. He's also just not a good dramatic actor especially not for the soft, intimate, emotional moments. Plus why would he take being Buck's bf who only features on the show occasionally and doesn't really get to do the action scenes that the 118 get to do when he could be a main on SWAT and get to do so much more.

No matter what even if the rumours aren't true about SWAT and even if T*mmy comes back for s8 and even Buddie doesn't happen I don't see B/T making it past s8 at all. I'll be shocked if that ship lasts beyond one ep in s8 so there is no way it's lasting longer than Buck and Taylor.

Apart from whatever is going on with Lou Oliver doesn't seem to like him and I think more than anything that will be what ends B/T. Oliver is a talented professional but he's also one of the biggest reasons people even watch 911 and I'm sure ABC knows that. They're not going to force him to work with a scene partner he's uncomfortable with. Plus I fully expect if we see B/T in s8 the lackluster chemistry with them will be even more apparent than it was in s7. So why continue a relationship if the actors don't have the romantic chemistry together to carry it?

Sorry for my long ramble anon. Had a lot of thoughts. Thanks for the message :)

[torchvic]

fuck this *flicks my little magic wand* your obey me cast is all transgender. here are my personal headcanons for that (putting this under a read more because this is A LOT)

the brothers r first because i was thinking abt this for one billion hours:

asmo is genderfluid and i think he'd use she/he pronouns. (we could also argue bigender asmo because that'd be cool also)

he/they transmasc mammon. literally they/them'd in a call and i saw a transmasc mammon headcanon and i think abt it all the time now.

it's been discussed here before but levi is nonbinary transfem. she uses they/she pronouns and i will die on this hill. also uses some type of neopronouns. gamer girlfailure /j (might be femcel. idk it might be the amount of times they use "normie") (i'm in love with her)

belphie is too tired to give a shit about gender. he says "no" if asked. they/it/he maybe. probably uses star/starself neos too cuz that stuff rocks (agender belphie anyone???)

beel uses any pronouns and doesn't rly label his gender i don't think. never really gave it much thought probably but i don't think he cares. love them lots. :3

i don't think satan really cares about gender either BUT i think he could identify with catgender (he/cat pronouns (maybe more) he'd use cat-centric neopronouns this has to be canon)

nonbinary lucifer is canon on my SOUL. they use they/she/he pronouns because they can and will.

then we got the silly goober dateables + small child luke:

diavolo got that demiboy swag and once he discovers neopronouns it's gonna be awesome. he/they/prince pronouns (or any other royal-centric ones)

barbatos is agender. bro is a time master lord guy they do NOT give a shit. they/them and maybe it/its depending on the day

solomon uses them all. every single pronoun. they've lived so fucking long that they just said "fuck it" or something and claimed all of them. he made the genderfluid in his cauldron and promptly drank it. uses neos too but there's a lot that fit here. maybe it's all of them too. i do think xe/xem (and other variations) are used though because i said so

i don't know if angels have a concept of gender or not. they/he simeon though something about him is nonbinary af luv u simeon

i'm not sure for luke because he's like... 10... but again idk if angels really have the gender concept at all (probably not they're supernatural beings. they all are actually). might be a mainly he/him user but doesn't mind it when other pronouns are used. idk the gender because hes a child but maybe he'll figure it out later in life cuz rn he's worried about baking really good treats for michael

last but not least the characters they refuse to add to the system (please im in love with thirteen please PLEASE):

mephisto got that bigender swag idk something about them screams it. i do think they use they/he pronouns though (maybe she/her also, but it depends on the day lawl)

thirteen is transfem i feel it in my bones. she/it/they pronouns. i love her so much. it's my favorite character ever look everyone. obey me devs add thirteen to the intimacy system NOW PLEASE.

raphael is agender bro does not care they will rain their spears on you and then eat solomon's cooking right after to make you physically ill (/lh). uses they/xe :)

thank you for coming to my ted talk and im sorry for the intense rambling <:)

[mirensiart]

just looked through a ton of your stuff w key & chain n. your honor. im love them. i love it sm esp when the distance and loneliness of zeldas position as princess is looked into bc like. yeah she probably wouldn't know how to talk casually that well! she probably would hate being vulnerable! she probably wouldnt know how to approach ppl in a way that potentially puts them on guard! i should focus more on zeldas frfr.

n it reminds me of my links & zeldas, as i made quite a few fanloz pairs, n esp bc ive been sorta integrating loz into my oc world. i noticed you mention as well that you like hearing about ppls loz ocs so if you dont mind- current fanloz on the mind are my favorites, which i originally placed right after raurus arrival as a thought of if the zonai died out by a plague, then what if it spreads through hyrule as well, but im tempted to place them after ganons sealing as well, being in the time where the beasts were created, and maybe right after the deaths of most of the sages. perhaps due to an expelling of gloom from rauru sealing him? maybe clining to remaining bacteria from a zonai plague and mutating? i figured link wouldve been a doctor of some sort & zelda couldve been one of the sages helping cure the plague but. thinking on it now, zelda as a plague doctor of sorts & link as an engineer for the guardians & beasts kinda goes. i remember as well i decided to give them a totk styled gibdo merchant npc who could regen limbs n stuff for carti (cartilage) to use in operations

i hope you dont mind me rambling about them, i just think theyre neat

So sorry for replying so late!!!! I finally got some free time now!

Yes yes yes!!! I love the Link Angst/Whump, but the Zelda Angst/Whump is 10000000/10 and I love it sm

Ok but, first thing first, Plague Doctor Zelda is making me INSANE ohmygod I LOVE IT SO MUCH

I love the concept of a plague explaining the zonai dying out! Would your Zelda be a Rauru/Sonia descendant? Like would she have some zonai blood? That would go so hard too 👀

Link as an engineer is good, working with the beasts, etc. But wouldn't he be sheikah? Like I remember the sheikah being in charge of all that in botw 🤔 sheikah link is peak though, so if you go with that it could be super cool!

A GIBDO MERCHANT IS SUCH A GREAT CONCEPT! I imagine him kinda like the merchant from resident evil 4 lol

Anyway, again, sorry for replying so late! I do love it when people ramble about their zelink ocs, but I might take a while to reply cause I like sitting down and taking my time reading all of the lore, etc!

[wasyago]

some rambles about gillion trans headcanons and other stuff

im realizing that i write these posts because i have no one to talk about riptide with, so this is like a monolog that is meant to be a dialog? sort of? the point is, the thought process is unpredictable and this is just everything that goes through my head and not like a structural point or anything and some things are random and not uhhh pretty(?). i dont even know why im writing these disclaimers, no one cares probably?

anyway. so, if gillion was a trans man, how would that work?

did he know from the young age, before the elders even, that he was a boy? was it just an obvious thing for him and his family? was he loved and accepted? and when the elders took him away, did they accept him as well? did they even see him for a kid/a person he was, or did they only think about the prophecy and didn't care what gender The One was? when gillion got older, did he get his top surgery inside the walls of the palace without anyone questioning him or looking down upon? or did he have to sneak out? probably definitely not sneak out, im not sure gillion ever left the palace or seen the world outside much. did he even get top surgery?

that's an interesting question to me actually, because if tritons (in this campaign at least) hatch from eggs, do females even have bigger boobs? technically no, right? do they even have boobs? i mean, they do have chest muscles and stuff, but do they have nipples? the one time i drew gill without a shirt i didn't draw him any, so im gonna say "no" for now. sorry im huge bore when it comes to these types of questions, i don't even know why actually... is it weird?

uhh what was i talking about... so i guess yeah, if female and male tritons don't have that different of a body structure, gillion probably didn't even need a top surgery to begin with. and maybe he didn't experience much in terms of dysphoria, which honestly? good for him, he had enough going on already...

but if gillion wasn't trans before the elders? if he was fine with his gender, he was only five after all, he had better fiveyearold things to worry about. what happened after he was taken away? was it his own realization, just at an older age?

or was it forced on him by the elders? (its definitely a darker concept and would be out of character for the elders, but as an alternative universe I think its interesting as well). because "the chosen one", the hero of the prophecy, the one who will decide the fate of the world and who will protect the undersea, in the eyes of the elders could've only be a man (if they were misogynistic). and when they come to this family and they see a 5 y.o. girl, what can they feel except disappointment? they will try anyway though, because what are they supposed to do? and if they need a man for a prophecy they will get him one way or another...

again, a darker concept, and i think i like it like an au better than a headcanon for the main campaign. because it's ooc and brings up slightly different topics from the original.

at the end i think i wont headcanon gill as trans? (although who knows, maybe I'll come around eventually, we'll see) maybe as nonbinary or a secret third thing though. gillion to me doesn't feel like a "man" man, his gender is "a guy" i don't know how to explain it hdgsbbs (maybe im just projecting idk o_o)

I love it when people hc him as trans tho, its very sweet!!!!!!! and i believe he does have the top surgery scars in the official art? so like, pop off king lets go???? (actually i just checked and no he doesn't, but im gonna think he does anyway)

im a little scared to re read this post and i think i'll delete it later probably, but uhhh yeah... again, just rambling and thinking out loud (not out loud but you get what i mean. writing all this down or drawing something really helps me to think and figure things out, so that's why)

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

hi, sorry if this isnt a good blog to send this to i just dont know where to turn atm (if this isnt a good blog to ask for help plz lmk where would be better, soz). im 22 and figuring out im sapphic & im trying to join online lesbian spaces but everyone seems so anti-babydyke and im starting to notice that being a lesbian is more about discourse and infighting than it is about wanting to kiss a lady. i thought it was about kissin ladies and thats what i want but how do i make other lesbians not hate me? i feel like all of the other lesbians expect me to have a PhD in lesbianism before i call myself that, before i consider a femme attractive, its like i have to pass thru all these hoops to prove myself even to other queers that im a real lesbian because i can name every lesbian historical figure. again super sorry if this is a bad blog to send this to i do not have a clue who to ask about this or anything im totally lost rn lol (genuinely sorry for literally being that annoying baby dyke ppl complain about rn. ignore me if you want im not gonna be tilted. thx for listening

This isn’t a bad blog to send this too. I’m just genuinely sorry you are going through this and I’m sorry if I don’t have a way to help. But I’ll try my best!! And maybe some more people in the comments will be able to help in ways I can’t.

But just know I’m sending you lots of love and that there isn’t anything wrong with you. At the end of the day, regardless of whatever else is happening, your sexuality really is just simply who you are attracted to. And that’s okay. You are enough ♥️♥️

(I’m also going into this assuming you are at least 18+, so I apologise if I’m wrong on that )

Firstly , you aren’t just seeing things. There is definitely a lot of infighting in the community. Like a lot. I would say it’s typically more intense and in your face online then it is IRL, but I’ve also seen IRL gay groups go really deep off the end with with this stuff.

From what I have read and from people I have talked to, this has sadly sort of always been a thing. We just have different waves of it and different things it might be focused on based on the time period and the world events affecting that at the time. I think in general it’s a very human thing that allllll groups do, but when you are in a marginalised, oppressed and small group of people it can feel a whole lot more concentrated and obvious because there is less room for it to go.

Again, this is just based on conversations I’ve had and things I’ve read, so take it with a grain of salt. But there has also been misunderstandings, disagreements and different beliefs on what things are , what they mean and who should do what in the community. Ranging from politics to fashion to marriage to sex to identities around butch/femme and what it means. For one piece saying something you have another saying something different.

This can cause a lot of confusion and infighting amongst people. A lot of tension at times. And because of trauma a lot of people tend to want to be around people with similar alignments in understanding and belief.

A lot of things can affect that like age , location etc.

But none of that is a reflection of you or your worth or your sexuality. And there ARE people in the same boat as you. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

There have been waves in the past of some women using and or claiming lesbianism to be a response to sexism. We are currently living in the time after that. And because of that a lot of opinions and thoughts and actions taken place are in a response to that wave. Be it people trying to push it , denounce it , confused by it or hurt by it.

I think this has lead to some of the scaffolding of the current culture we have today.

I understand that need and drive for community and the horrible feeling that can come along when the said community feels like it is in shambles. I feel that way a lot too. And I’m sorry I can’t take that away.

I feel like I’m rambling at this point I’m sorry.

I just want to say though there is nothing you have to prove to anyone. We all figure this stuff out at our own pace. Anyone who treats you poorly for not knowing something or just genuinely not showing interest in it is on them. Your lesbianism doesn’t mean you owe anyone an opinion or a certain way of dressing or feeling. The only person you owe is yourself and that is to show kindness to yourself and be around people who respect you and love you for the wonderful lesbian that you are.

EDIT : I just re-read and you said you are 22 I’m so sorry I missed that 😩

[tomwaterbabies]

I hope the surgery went well and recovery goes smoothly!!! You asked for asks and I saw you have some robo Varian art that's been eating my brain for a few days now. I guess not technically a question but I'd love to hear more about that au if you wanna ramble 👉👈

HEYYY thank you so much! it went really well and the pain is super minimal rn, i can even sit up on my desk! which was recommended by my surgeon to do anyway so thats rad

ANYWAYSSSSS... THANK YOU for the kind words im so glad you like it!! and THANK YOU for reminding me of the fact i never posted about my robot au like i had meant to 💀

here it is NOW (and to anyone who hasnt seen the art here it be)

this is long as hell btw. so sorry

SO. setting i imagine is similar to typical vat7k BUT a little darker and more dystopian. think steampunk industrial stuff... which i know hugo's kingdom is already like lol but just imagine it like. in a lot more places. this is basically a "steampunk" au too

robots are VERY common. invented by a group of scientists with the main ones being donella and ulla

robots are used as service etc etc. theyre not sentient at all so this isnt like. some unethical practice

but ulla and donella are OBSESSED with making them more and more advanced, theyre besties and all that. but ulla is Particularly obsessed with making the Perfect Robot

we know that ulla is kind of messed up in the head. in this au she kind of messes way too much with robot sentience WHILE ALSO getting obsessed with the eternal library. same stuff happens eventually. donella and ulla fight about the eternal library etc etc

BUT ALSO... ulla is working on her Magnum Opus. a son for her and her husband, who she is making to be the perfect robot. quirin is unaware of the shit shes doing and fully trusts her and supports this passion project

and well! she does make the first Sentient Robot. with the use of science and Magical Knowledge she was able to basically give life force through magical means into the robot. The robot of course she named varian. and not only is he sentient, but he looks completely human

she did some messed up stuff tho! again! she's programmed him with fake memories so he thinks he has lived a life fully as a human. he's also programmed to not notice things like the small seams on his body and all that. like his code just immediately disregards all that

anywaysss. after ulla disappears, quirin is dedicated to taking care of varian. he figures it's best to follow with ulla's choice of making sure varian doesnt know hes a robot

MEANWHILE ! because of the schism between ulla and donella, there was some wack shit that happened. namely robots going completely crazy. now all robots are Murder Robots. so the world is pretty Dystopian at the moment

Varian decides he wants to go out and find the source of what made the robots go crazy. bc this sucks lol. like everyone is Just Miserable

so he meets his friends. nuru, yong, hugo!

LETS TALK ABOUT HUGO

hugo works for donella. hugo also absolutely HATES robots. the robots have been messing shit up since he was a kiddo

he's kind of like a robot hunter. harvesting them for parts as well as getting rid of them bc theyre dangerous. usually donella directs him to different missions. and now shes telling him to join this guy (varian) bc she wants the secrets that ulla had hidden and varian is sure as hell after them

sooooo at one point. varian gets hurt maybe, or interacts with something that breaks the code in him or whatever. the code that stops him from noticing his robotic qualities. i think he probably would get super injured and like. he and all his friends stare in shock and horror as some sort of gash or sparks or whatever show a metallic inside

they all find out he's a robot together weeeee. no one is having a good time

so he's living with existential crisis. he's away from his dad so he cant travel all the way back to be like hey What The Fuck. AND he's still dedicated to his goal. but now he's just. confused, scared, and unsure if he's worthy of his humanity that he thought he had

they all try to work with this new discovery (which i think would happen earlier on rather than way later). hugo especially is like. having a crisis. bc he's always hated robots and for good reason. but varian... varian is SO human. he thinks, he feels, he cares, etc. he's more Human than a lot of the Flesh and Blood people he's been around

so you know, hugo starts to fall in love with him anyway. lots of excellent scenes of him helping varian with his mechanics, etc

and of course varian starts falling in love with him too, but is dealing with a lot of confusion as well. like is he even real, doesnt hugo deserve to be loved by a Human and not a Robot, etc etc

ok jesus christ. i think thats all the main stuff. woaghghg

[needtoloveoutloud]

heyyy becks! its north here once again with an sppf fanart :)) this time, i drew bakuyoru! specifically the scene from the last chapter where he broke her nose and ended up resetting it for her LOL. anyways i was squealing and kicking my feet that entire scene (and any scene with them together in general), so i KNEW i had to draw it here it is!:

and heres a closer look at both of them:

the lighting was the worst to try to figure out, but i tried my best haha and it still looks GARBAGGGE but whatever, its something i gotta work on (hands too. still a nightmare to draw, but i freehanded them this time so im kinda impressed w myself). this was so so fun to do though, i loved drawing their eyes. in katsuki's, if you look closely you can see i added the gold specks yoru notices in them, and i tried to make yoru's resemble moonstones (i added like the lightest shade of blue, but it barely showed, so..)-although it was a bit difficult w the way the lighting was. point is i wanted to portray them each as the other sees them, and ik eyes are a part of that so thats kinda how i went for that. and yes i added a teeny sparkle to katsuki's eyes bc WHYYY NOTTT anyways im yapping too much im gonna post this in the discord as well, along w the speedpaints !! hope you like this :)) 💜

[SPOILERS CHAPTER 35 SPPF!]

North, oh my...!!!

I mean, we already talked on the server about this, but I only now noticed some of the subtle details. Like, the golden specks in his eyes??? That is so awesome, holy shit!

And you even wanted to make her eyes look like moonstones, what he compared her eyes to a few chapters ago!

The fact that you wanted to draw them how they see each other is so cool, damn.

I can't stop nerding out again, I thought I calmed down after admiring it on the server already, but this just got me going again, sorry you have to bear with me for a second

I'm so HAPPY this scene made you all giggly and stuff, love that for you. The BakuYoru was strong in chapter 35, so I know what you mean :D

And it does NOT look like garbage, what are you saying?? This is awesome, i BOW before you, North!

And even free hand, this is so impressive. I really loved the speed paint you shared on the server, too, so thank you for that.

The way he cups her face, studying it closely (of course PURELY because he wants to assess how to set her nose correctly, mhm mhm yeah right) and how she looks up at him and the way his finger is so gently placed on the scars on her face and i get why Yoru asked if he got plastic surgery done on his nose because it looks absolutely perfect, you even put in the little upside slope she noticed when she looked at him while he slept and had her (unwanted) realization and epiphany about Bakugo see I am also rambling but how could I not, this is too cool!

THANK YOU SO MUCH, NORTH! I feel so honored that you did this and even more honored that you allowed me to share it in the next author's notes.

🤍👏👏

[sco07ut]

what just happened!!!!!!!! s19 rambles (negative) ↓

going to be messy cos im just planning on writing whatever outrageous moments stand out as i go along

first of all????? DOC FUCKING DIED?????????? i literally had to rewatch a few times to realise that’s what they were saying 😟 when the fuck did he die bc doc eas Inside the staff of charon and wash was fuckijg idk?? on the surface of chorus right?? how did doc die saving him what (genuinely someone smarter than me if you’ve figured it out please tell me) bc like the point of the charon fight is that they were stuck in the mementos room right? idk

anyway he was done so dirty i literally do not think there was a reason to reveal doc was dead in the last five minutes

on that note, where was donut?? did he die too ? how long after chorus is s19 set like was that undisclosed location iris or what. did he do his whole ‘tour of the universe’ thing early? like i would’ve been fine with even just a passing comment but they were so vague with it

WHY DID SARGE DIE AND THEN PROMPTLY BECOME IRRELEVANT????? aside from simmons grif & caboose not a Soul mentioned the fact that a whole man was dead. i was so convinced that there would be some big funeral with everyone attending at the end

i did sort of like the plot though, simmons getting a leadership role was kinda fun

tbh i did like simmons this season it was so great seeing him finally get recognition but good grief i cannot talk about simmons without bringing up the ending/lack of grimmons

it makes sense that they wouldn’t get together if grif went home and simmons stayed in the army BUT WHY DID SIMMONS STAY IN THE ARMY?? RICHARD YOU DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING TEAM ANYMORE (on that note. where did lopez go. i’m only just realising that he literally vanished) i’m so insane why did they do that. they could’ve gone home together. and kissed about it idk

i mean i didn’t actually expect grimmons to happen but i thought they’d stay together?? it’s always been them. like that’s the whole point of their characters. every other person who’s been on their team before has died and left them (grif sleeping through being glassed, hammer dying during basic, the red team at rat’s nest and now sarge and donut i guess?????) why did they not stay together

also on the grif family note, the kai cameo was nice (though i will say i do Not understand the point of the whole retro con thing, i feel like it went on for ages, did nothing to set up the plot. the meta could’ve been introduced some other way surely)

also while i’m thinking about it, why did it take tucker/the meta months to get from chorus to a point where he was actively searching for epsilon ?

anyway sorry kai cameo fun but she should’ve had a bigger role idc

it kind of feels like they suddenly realised almost all their female characters were overlooked and they tried to shove them in to be like ‘ohhh look we care about our female characters’ and then screwed them over by making them either insignificant or nothing more than a cameo

with the exception of tex maybe. i fully did not expect her to come back prior to watching but when caboose was like oh help me remember i started to get a feeling it wouldn’t be church. i’m also so glad they addressed the whole ‘created from failure/destined to fail’ thing, tex fuckijg deserved that win. sad that she died though (i wasn’t expecting that either and was like fully geared up to start making post restoration fanart of carolina and tex hanging out and learning how to be friends/family again)

idk i just feel like we missed out on so much stuff due to time constraints, there were so many scenes that should’ve been put in imo like carolina and tex having some sort of moment together, grif and kai having a moment, carolina & wash seeing 479er again

ok wait different chain of thought. everyone was like really eager to kill tucker. there was no moral dilemma of everyone being like ohh beneath the meta hes our friend we can’t hurt him but we still need to take him down what’re we gonna doo. although on second thought it was red team so . yeah the mindless attacking does make sense a bit

new thought again overall it just felt weird like everyone had their assigned pairings and couldn’t acknowledge anyone outside of them?? like during the fights there wasn’t much of a reunion when tex/carolina joined and then wash (and apparently not fucking doc) like idk. i was under the assumption thatvthere would be a sweet little scene where they got the gang back together

whatever man that’s everything off the top of my head. i had no expectations going in and still somehow left disappointed. i Will be making an au version that fits all the things i wanted to see