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mundanewill · 8 days ago

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A Grocery Shop With Me

I made this because I realized that the mundane and human isn't glorified much anymore, and I wanted desperately to make something you'd see on a geocities back in the day before everything posted on the internet became a contest of virality or trying to hold people's attention. This post is long and boring and human. Thanks for checking it out.

I ask my dad to drive me down to the grocery store. It's Sunday, a bit after 5PM, and the last bit of light from the sky is disappearing. I'm apologetic to him for asking to go so late - driving in the dark is dangerous, especially with nocturnal megafauna often wandering into the road - I mean moose, by the way. It's January 19th. Despite living in Alaska, it's really warm this winter. Dad saw through his Facebook memories that this happened 10 years ago, too. I'm wearing a hoodie and PJs because I didn't want to take any longer to get ready. I'm surprised it's warm enough, which is a pleasant surprise, because I haven't been able to dress this lightly and be comfortable for awhile. I'll not a fan of heavy or unbreathable clothing that winter wear tends to be made of - for good reason, it keeps the snow out. I'm fashionable enough that I don't feel ashamed to go out like this, either - I always wear bright colors and flashy patterns if I can help it. A lot of people tell me I cheer them up on dreary days.

As my dad drives down to town and the warm orange lights of the town street lights come into close view - hey, come to think of it, we don't have bright blueish LEDs yet, I wonder why that is? I'm thankful all of the sudden for that. - I think about how the world has changed recently with this whole TikTok ban thing happening.

I won't go into politics, so don't worry. This is supposed to be a relaxing retelling of a mundane trip. But my mind does wander in places I think can be challenging for some others to hear. This is my post and I'll talk about what I want to.

I think about how before the digital age of filming and camera - for you youngin's out there, this was about the introduction DVD era, probably the mid 2000s? - everyone looked a bit more blurry on physical mechanical cameras. There was less stress about flawless skin back then.

The 80's was a golden era of masculine body types on American film, in my opinion. Me and my boyfriend have been watching them non-stop lately, and it's become the highlight of my every day. Action stars didn't look as dehydrated, fat was over that muscle, body hair too. Actors were more often allowed to have acne scars and sometimes even blemishes.

I think about how the change to the digital era of film and pictures should've been an improvement. We were getting closer to seeing what people looked like in person, in high HD detail - but then we tried to go back. When photoshop got popular in the digital era models were digitally airbrushed more and more, and a lot of phone cameras now blur details on the face by default. I think about those AI filters that the TikTokkers love that change their face completely to look like some sort of 3D cartoon Disney film. It's a fun gimmick, but somehow it seemed like we've been trying harder and harder the more technology gets better to get further away from our own humanity. Airbrush it away instead of being glad to see humans being human, flaws included. I don't even want to call them flaws, they're just normal.

My boyfriend tells me a lot of my flaws are normal. I'm thankful for that, for him. He's definitely out of my league in terms of normalized societal beauty standards, but I believe him - I'm beautiful too, in my own avant-garde way. I wouldn't have it any other way. I dress like this, after all.

But yeah, back to TikTok - folks are joining RedNote instead. Double-edged sword; queerness is heavily censored in China, and the exclusion of queers in the "new app" feels scary to me as a normalization. On the other hand, Americans are starting to realize that China isn't a faceless terrifying boogeyman that our American propaganda machines have been telling us for decades. Despite having a massive Chinese immigrant population in America since forever, I'm amazed this is still such an issue.

"Where are we going first?" my dad asks. I tell him unfortunately I need to go to two different grocery stores in town today, since one has things the other doesn't. One of these grocery stores is of a massive chain that I always feel miserable going to due to the lack of workers, poor management and overcrowding.

We go to my favorite grocery store first. The parking light is sparse. I remember it's Sunday - I love shopping on Sunday.

When entering the grocery store, I always make the same route;

First, I grab a wet wipe near the front door. Even though most people have moved on from the covid pandemic, they still have this - I'm grateful. I wipe my hands off, then wipe down the handle of the grocery cart. There's a tiny trash can I dispose the wipe. Today, somebody left an apple core in one of the grocery carts. It's not my job, but I pick it up with the wipe and throw it away in that little can. I don't want the workers to have to do more work than they do. They treat their workers good here, there's never not enough staff and they seem happy to hire minorities too. My state is a red state, unfortunately.

I always go through the first aisle to get to the "edge" of the grocery store. The main central aisle of the store has a lot of foot traffic, and going around the side is usually the best way to avoid it. Even though it's incredibly quiet today, I still go this route - it'll "feel wrong" if I don't.

This aisle has all the limited-time holiday items. Even though I went grocery shopping the day after Christmas, they didn't discount the Christmas candy because of the population of Orthodox Russians who live nearby that have their Christmas in apparently January. I wasn't sure exactly when that was, so by the time I came back after, they were putting out Valentine's candy instead. Dang, no discount on Christmas stuff for me.

That's probably for the best. A major part of the reason I went to town so late today was because I developed a sugar headache from eating too much sugary breakfast cereal that I was saving for my birthday. I had already opened up the bag to share some with my mom as an apology for being difficult one afternoon, and I couldn't help myself - no, I couldn't stop myself from eating it like crazy. Chocolate rice crispies are the shit, man.

Sadly I was probably binge-eating a little because I had lost a lot of weight recently. I need to be careful about that.

I walk past the valentine's candy and make my way to the "edge" of the store, next to the wall. I walk towards -

Wait a minute, was that a DVD of Romeo and Juliet on the shelf? My grocery store sells cheap DVDs for a dollar in this unknown corner. I wonder if it's the same version of Romeo and Juliet my mom is obsessed with, but I figure she probably already has that DVD already. We try to collect DVDs we like when we can in case of the apocalypse when the internet goes down. Partially joking, partially serious.

If it is the Romeo and Juliet version she loves, I hope another person picks it up and likes it too. The last time I was here, I looked through the films and got what I wanted - the films I knew were good but didn't need I put in the front to entice other shoppers to pick up. I hope everyone keeps buying and keeping DVDs.

The next aisle I always go into is the aisle full of cheap organizational items and school supplies. Usually stuff in this aisle goes for less than 5$. I think it's because a lot of the stuff this grocery store gets is surplus from Costco. I don't have much money right now so I don't plan to buy any organizational items, but I feel I still need to go through it because that's what I do every time I come here. There's no organizational items in my preferred colors on the shelf this month. Maybe next month. They change it out seasonally. Today, it's red and green for Christmas, dark blue, and white. My mom likes dark blue but she told me to stop buying her these, she has enough. For 1 dollar a piece though it always feels worth it.

I then go into the juice aisle. They still don't have Langer's Raspberry Cranberry. It's the best flavor; every time they have a shipment of it come in, it sells out fast - probably because, like me, other shoppers buy several whenever that happens to stock up for the next drought of the flavor being unavailable.

Don't worry, I drink it heavily watered-down. That much sugar would kill me if drank straight.

I weave around the aisles in a bit of a daze; the headache makes it hard to think, I feel like it's stuffed with flem. Don't worry, I wear a mask still. Don't talk to me about this, it's not what this blog post is about. This is about grocery shopping.

I read my shopping list closely and go from there. I used to make my shopping lists in my Notes app on my phone which is something I highly recommend; it makes it easy to reorganize each item on the list by pressing and dragging, so you could sort the items based on where they are in the store. Foolishly I've been instead preferring to use my physical notepad in my kitchen that's attached to the wall with a magnet. I'm not sure why this is; maybe it's because I get so easily distracted on the phone nowadays or because it's fun to practice my ridiculous vaguely-Coca-Cola-inspired handwriting. My notepad paper is cute, it's bordered in pink with little pretty simplistic art of fruits. I should try to get back into the habit of making shopping lists on my phone though since I'm so often in bed anyway and my notepad paper is slowly dwindling at this point.

It's mostly restocking cash items this trip. I need to get paper bowls, disposable forks and spoons, toilet paper, and paper towels.

All these things are technically unnecessary (except the toilet paper, of course) and I do feel bad for the environment for using these, but I'm disabled, and they really make my life a whole lot less difficult when I just don't have the energy to wash dishes or do washcloth laundry non-stop. Maybe one day when my body is in better shape, I live in a better environment, and found meds that help me better, I won't feel cautious enough that I feel I need these for emergencies. It's better I eat instead of put off eating indefinitely since I don't feel like doing dishes. My brain does really not put my survival first, which is unfortunate, but just the reality of my life.

I follow my previously made instructions closely, glad that I don't have to think too much.

I do stop for two things I didn't have on my list - I look for thick bonito and Chinese five spice. The former I don't find, but even if I did, I'd be hesitant to actually pick it up since I already have the less thick variant and that shit is expensive even if worth it. The latter I do eventually find after staring at the huge wall of spices like I'm a Ferris Bueller character in a museum but end up not buying because I forgot what YouTube Shorts recipe I saw it in, and I should probably not buy anything that I don't have a recipe planned for in advance first. I tend to eat the same things every day and it's hard to summon the energy to break that habit and try something new, not to mention the dozen and a half medical food intolerances I have to make sure I'm not fucking with in the recipes I pick.

Gluten free flour will never be one-to-one with gluten flour no matter the mixture to me, sorry bozo.

The amount I get overall in my cart isn't too bad. I keep being tempted by candy bars and sweets I see around the store while simultaneously feeling like I never want to eat another sweet thing for as long as I live - it seems to just be a habit of mine to leer at them regardless every time I come in even though I rarely ever actually buy any. The kid me would be disappointed in my adult palette where more than one candy bar or soda in a day just feels like too damn much. I genuinely find fresh berries and flavored Greek yogurt plenty as a sweet treat, which I eat with breakfast every day. I only justify paying high for them because need the vitamins and shit.

The cashier seems like a cool guy. I've never talked to him much, but he always has a toy lightsaber on his belt or some other nerdy accessory with him at work. I'm not a star wars fan (I never saw any of the movies growing up, but I also have nothing against star wars and do plan to watch them eventually) so I feared talking to him about it in case I'm put into the awkward situation of having to admit I don't know anything about it. However, he's been bringing his toys to work for years now - I really respect him being a weirdo (a word used affectionately in my family). I'm glad nobody's mean comments has stopped him, if anyone ever did say something mean. Despite my town being right-wing, the population is overall pretty polite.

Dad is waiting in the car. I don't know why, but he insists he doesn't mind waiting for me to shop. I've become pretty efficient at shopping because of this. That doesn't mean I don't constantly tell I'm grateful or sorry though. At least his car has fantastic heating, and he has a smart phone to play with nowadays when he gets bored.

Onward to the grocery store I hate, the big chain. I'd never go there if I could help it, but when you're broke, you go to where the cheapest deals are. When we pull in the parking lot is almost empty! Which is something we almost never see. "I love shopping on Sunday." I mutter. "Especially on Sunday evening!" dad replies. Sunday is the quietest.

I don't hate people. I think after the start of the pandemic, a deeply ingrained dislike of brushing shoulders with strangers or smelling their breath never disappeared. It's unfortunate but it's kept me from getting any colds that weren't really mild for the last few years. I have other reasons why crowds and close proximities with strangers make me uncomfortable, but let's not get into that. Back to shopping.

No gluten free vanilla cake, still. I wonder who else bought it for it to go out of stock. Huh. Well, I still have chocolate saved in my freezer for my birthday. Was thinking of getting both flavors so I could share some with family, but they're not expecting much anyway, I'm sure. I'm not having a party or anything.

Even though I shouldn't eat gluten, I still look at the case of fresh donuts every time I come here. They never have custard-filled anymore. I wonder why they don't make more, since it's obviously the most popular kind. If I could find a custard one once, I might cheat on my diet for it. Mom likes them too, I could get her one at least. If there was only one custard-filled donut, not two, that one would be for her. I hope she still likes them. They are a bit on the too-sweet side, though.

Cinnamon sugar looks good.. I should try to make a gluten-free donut with cinnamon sugar one day. Not worth cheating on my diet for, though. Moving on.

My favorite flavor of greek yogurt is lemon and they're of course out - this store has been out of a lot of things lately. Maybe the roads the truckers use have been especially bad lately, I hope they're alright. The lemon flavor tastes just like lemon pie filling. Despite that, it has the least amount of sugar of the flavors from this brand. For some reason Strawberry has the most sugar in it. I wonder why that is?

I buy raspberry flavor even though I'll mostly be putting it on top of fresh raspberries. Raspberries are probably my favorite berry or even fruit, maybe because I grew up picking raspberries with my family every summer. Huge literal buckets of raspberries I could just eat handfuls of. Getting fresh fruit in Alaska for a affordable price is very difficult - it's probably at least twice the price as you experience, whoever's reading this. :( But it makes it feel all the more luxurious and valuable.

No cashew milk... it's my preferred milk for my coffee since I can't drink dairy. My eyes look over the milk section again. Then again. How could there be 5 different brands of Almond milk and not one for cashew? I look even closer - I can't even see where the cashew milk price sticker is, I eventually realize it must've been removed. Does that mean they're not going to stock it any time soon, maybe stop stocking it altogether? That's really unfortunate.

Even the creamers, not the milk, are all based on less fatty plant milks. Oat milk? Are you fucking serious? RICE MILK? I'm trying to be healthy and figure the creamers probably have some artificial shit in them to thicken them up. Not worth it. I'll look around in the coffee aisle, maybe something there.

I get my berries for my yogurt. Not much on sale, and the regular selection hasn't been available for over a month now. I do some math in my head to figure out what the best deal is in packages of berries - mixed or unmixed - I even weigh a box that seemed a bit light on the fruit scale to discover someone pilfered a little from it. I ended up buying discounted blueberries and, of course, raspberries. I regret not buying the raspberries at the last store which were 50¢ less despite them being a bit more on the dangerous side of ripe. The chain store usually has more fruit sales and better quality control so I prefer to buy fruit here, but the idea that I'm giving money to this shop instead of the more local one does give me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. If I ever get rich, I'm shopping more ethically. I'm still mad after finding out the fancy icecream I bought here in the past on sale was still being sold for 7$ less at the local grocer. Yeesh. Gotta make sure I keep price comparing. Should I start writing it down?

Right. Dad's waiting for me. I already wasted too much time trying to find cashew milk. The coffee aisle is full of almond milk too. Macadamia nut milk isn't bad, but over 7$ for a tiny half-carton makes me wanna gag. No cream for my coffee for awhile. Damn. Might just prefer to cut coffee out of my diet, really.

I get into the car. Dad offers me a pastry from a tiny box he apparently went into the store and bought while I was shopping. Despite my fear of sweet things at this point, I accept it because I'm just so excited to get a treat from my dad frankly. It's a bite-sized pastry that has sugar glaze and raspberries inside. It's one of the best things I've ever tasted. My headache doesn't get worse, thankfully.

He asks if I want to go anywhere else. I tell him it's not important even though it is to be - I want to go back to the grocer I like and get milk, but it can wait for the next trip.

He says he'll do it, no problem. I run in and out fast. No cashew milk there either, but I got coconut cream and extremely cheap almond milk for about 5$ total. Not bad. We make do. Almond milk for flavor, coconut for fattiness.

As we're driving home, I remember that my boyfriend said he wouldn't be available to call tonight. He lives in Poland and my evening is his morning. He's having fun with his brother visiting, and I told him to have fun. It's a bit sad not having our daily evening call to look forward to, but I can also do something else by myself instead when I usually don't have the opportunity to.

When we pull into our little rural neighborhood, the neighbor's dog Sandy is walking around the road in the dark. Dogs walking around freely isn't unusual in my neighborhood; almost all of them are trained farm dogs that protect and herd free range livestock, and since we're outside of city limits laws regarding dogs on leashes don't really apply. It's unusual to see her out, though, and when my dad parks his car she comes right up to my car door and lets me pet and scritch her soft little head as I put my ice cleats back on my boots.

I walk down the driveway and grab the family's sled before returning to my dad's car and loading up the sled with my groceries. I thank him again and tell him I love him.

My cabin is at the end of a long trail that's inaccessible to cars. I pull the sled up to my doorway and bring in the groceries and a big water bottle made for water coolers since I don't have running water. We refill them regularly with free drinking water spots, one of which is in front of that very chain grocery store.

The rest of the evening is pretty uneventful. After putting my groceries away, I heat up some leftover chili my mom made me and send her a message thanking her for it. I play a little FFXIV, browse tumblr, then lay in bed to rest my back. While shopping earlier, my ankle started to cramp up. I broke it pretty badly by slipping on ice a few years ago. It reminded me to stretch and exercise it a bit more. I move my ankle a little before I get distracted with some stupid YouTube videos and phone games. Putting on a Hollowtones stream vod, I fall asleep into a nap.

I wake up after midnight, my headache finally gone. My boyfriend sent me a message enthusiastically telling me he took a shower this morning. I'm proud of him. Life is hard.

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