#sorry chat i relapsed...

[eggdrawsthings]

When does a man become a monster? And is he a monster, still, if he  feels nothing but regret and guilt?” [x]

[shannonsketches]

bruh I don't think people realize that in the dbz manga Vegeta is not combative with Bulma except for one (1) time and she ends up being so right about the situation that he just shuts the fuck up for the rest of the series akljdls

[bee-somnoproblems]

Was talking to sis about like, being early there for certain things before they got mass popularity, ex. Slime, fidgets certain celebrities

And one specific cover artist came up on the topic of “proof” which was jubyphonic

Still Renember when they released the absolute of a banger cover for “sugar song and bitter step” from blood blockade. And like, we’re so obsessively holding on to it (cuz we have it downloaded) and it’s the one song we refuse to let go of cuz the actual cover w jubys voice is relatively fucking hard to find

Already spent a good half hour trying to locate it online and all I could find where separate covers on a karaoke app which only has the lyrics but not her voice

Soo uhhh, yeah that’s it, just wanted to mention that lmao

[lilgarbitch]

Running in Circles- Six

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader (ft. Will Ramos😉)

CW: Angst, smoking, heavy tw for relapsing, talk of old addictions, falling back into depression and mania, reckless decisions, smut🤗 (p in v), a little soft switch action if you catch my drift

Word Count: 10k

Author’s Note: A lot is happening in this chapter, so brace yourselves. And there will be parts that are more fast-paced, but it fits into Y/N’s mental state. Also! I’m being repetitive and I’m really sorry. I tried working around it, but it’s the only way I can get these scenes to play out now that they’re written down.

Reader discretion is advised. 18+

Part Five

Y/N

I arrived at the boys’ colossal house, staring at it in awe. I knew they were famous, and there were multiple grown men that lived here, but god damn it was big. Thankfully, that meant I had more room to stay away from those who I didn’t want to see at the moment. 

I texted Matt that I was here, and I almost instantly saw the front door open to him, smiling excitedly. I giggled and began making my way up their stairs and into their house. I was immediately tackled by Tommy, who kept saying that he missed me and that he was lost without me here, but I just smiled and hugged him back. 

The nerves were really hitting me now that I was here. People wouldn’t start showing up for at least another hour, so unless I found a place away from everyone, I’d have to deal with more awkward tension, just now inside his house.

I greeted everyone, getting a few compliments on my outfit and complimenting theirs back. I guess they all either did last-minute costume shopping as well or just had outfits from past years. Tommy was wearing a Chucky costume, and Tony matched it by wearing a white shirt, leather jacket, and blonde wig, looking like Tiffany. Cam spiked his hair up and found a crazy bowling shirt, looking like Guy Fieri. 

Nick was wearing a leather jacket and jeans with his hair slicked back, I’m assuming going as a greaser. Jolly had a cape on and fake blood dripping down his mouth, looking like a lazy vampire. And then there was Ruffilo and Noah, wearing matching Akatsuki headbands and robes. Something tells me they already had those in their closet. 

After chatting with everyone for a few minutes, Matt grabbed my hand and led me into the kitchen that was connected to the living room so I could start doing his makeup. I set all my makeup supplies on the island, laying everything out as he sat in one of the chairs, getting ready. I could hear the boys across the room chatting about all the things they would have set up for the party, making me smile. It was like they were planning a high school party with how excited they were. 

“Okay, so have you decided?” I asked as I pulled everything out of my makeup bag.

“Just do a skull.” I side-eyed him as he answered.

“Dude. We have just over an hour, and you want me to do a skull? How detailed?” 

“As detailed as you can get,” He said, almost challenging me. I scoffed out a laugh and sorted through the supplies, picking out everything I needed. 

I started by giving him a white base before shaping out the details. I struggled to get past his long legs to reach certain areas, having to move around him a lot as I drew in each feature. I even had to hold his face and angle it to the side as I worked, tired of walking back and forth.

“This hurts. Just come here,” he grunted as he grabbed my waist to pull me onto his lap. I gasped in shock at the sudden movement, then laughed. I got myself comfortable, straddling his thighs as I continued working. I rested a hand on his shoulder as I started filling in the details of the teeth, trying to be as steady as possible. After getting the hard part done, I turn to grab a different brush, then get to filling in the eyes and nose. As I was filling in an eye, I heard something slam, cutting off the conversation across the room, and then footsteps walked out of the living room into somewhere deeper in the house. I jumped a little at the sudden noise, turning to look at the group behind me. They all looked a little stunned, and I realized that it was Noah who had made all the noise. Then Ruffilo stood, following wherever Noah went. I just rolled my eyes and went back to working on Matt.

“Hey! Close your eyes, you’re gonna mess it up!” I said as I saw him also looking at everyone. He instantly looked back at me and nodded, shutting his eyes again. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t be sitting on my lap..” he whispered so only I could hear. I tsked.

“He’ll survive. I’m almost done anyway.” I whispered as I worked on finishing the nose. 

Finally, I dusted on some setting powder so it wouldn’t smudge and slid off his lap. He looked at me, silently asking if it looked good, and I just smiled at my work. For rushing, I did a good fucking job! I told him I was done and started packing up all my makeup as he ran to show the other boys my work. 

“What the fuck! I should’ve gotten her to do mine!” Tony yelled, making me laugh loud enough so they could hear me. 

“Ton, come here! I’ll give you some finishing touches,” I shouted. I heard footsteps running towards me, and I looked up to see Tony sitting in the chair Matt was in. I don’t know why he tried using face paint for basic makeup, but I’m going to do my best to fix it. 

After giving him a quick smokey eye, a dark lip, and the signature mole that he had forgotten, people started showing up, so I shooed him away to join everyone. 

I quickly asked Tommy where I could toss my bag, not wanting it messed with, and he told me to have Jolly show me his room where he was keeping all of his things. Jolly then led me to where his room was located before returning to greet the guests. 

I walked into his room and found Tommy’s things, setting my makeup bag on top of them. I turned around to head back to everyone, closing his bedroom door behind me. I began to walk back before hearing hushed voices near the end of the hallway.

“It’s pissing me the fuck off,” A low voice said, I’m assuming Noah.

“Then you’re letting her get to you. You know this is exactly what she wants.” Ruffilo replied. I had to hold back a snicker. I continue my way back down to everyone else, not wanting to eavesdrop too much. It’s not my problem anyway. 

I grab my mask that I sat at the counter and go to sit down with Tommy, Cam, and Nick as we wait for more people to show up.

The house was packed with people, some showing up in costumes, some just here to have a good time. I had a few drinks in me, making the anxiety ease more and more with every sip. I haven’t run into Noah again since earlier, but I also haven’t run into anyone in a while. I was sitting at the kitchen island, people-watching and sipping on my mixed drink. Everyone was having a blast, and I can’t say I wasn’t, but I was getting bored. 

I tossed my mask back on and moved towards the now cleared-out dining room, where everyone was dancing. I tried to look for a familiar face, but there were at least a hundred people here, and I only knew eight of them. I start dancing to the music, getting the alcohol to flow through my body and ease the nerves. I feel a hand on my waist and turn to see someone dressed as Freddy Kreuger smirking down at me. He was pretty cute; he had shoulder-length hair, the pieces that framed the face were lighter than the rest, a full beard, and a sweet smile. I knew he couldn’t see my face, but I still smiled back before I started dancing with him.

The music wasn’t slow, but slow enough for us to move our bodies in sync with it. His hands were gently holding onto my hips as they moved with his. I held my hands against the back of his, holding him close to me. It felt weird, neither if us knowing who the other was, but I enjoyed how charming yet seductive he was being. Slowly a hand moved closer towards my stomach, pressing me into him more. We were moving like I was in control, but the way he held me, he had more power.

After a few songs and neither of us speaking, something caught my eye. I glance over and see someone with their arm hooked over a girl’s shoulders as they lead her up the stairs. But the person was someone with short hair and an Akatsuki costume. As hypocritical as it was, jealousy started burning inside me. I did my best to ignore it while dancing with the unknown Freddy Krueger, but it just wouldn’t leave my thoughts. Is he really taking her to his room right now? Yeah, I’ve danced with guys since we’ve fought, even flirted a little, but I haven’t done anything else. I haven’t even kissed anyone. And he’s going to sleep with her?

I couldn’t take the jealousy and rage in my body anymore. I softly turned and patted the unknown man’s shoulder as a goodbye before slipping out of his grasp. Maybe I’ll meet him again and actually speak to him, but right now, I couldn’t. 

I squeezed my way through the crowd of people, doing everything I could to keep my emotions in check before I finally reached the front door. I sneak out of the house as fast as I can and hide out of sight towards the side of the house. I crouch down and take off my mask, starting to hyperventilate. 

Why am I freaking out? Did I really expect to be the only one allowed to move on after the argument? Did I actually think ignoring him would make him apologize? So why am I getting nauseous over the thought of him sleeping with someone else? I mean, Fuck! It’s his birthday, for fuck’s sake! He deserves this. And I deserve this after how I treated him. 

I let out a groan and dropped my head into my hands. Suddenly, I’m pulled out of my thoughts by footsteps approaching me. I look up and see a skeleton face.

“Babe, what happened?” Matt asked as he crouched down to my level. I just shook my head in response. 

“I watched you push through everyone like there was a fire. Obviously, something is wrong.” He continued. 

“I shouldn’t have come. It’s not my place. After the fight, I should’ve known that I needed to stay away until everything went back to normal.” I spoke softly, not caring if he heard or not.

“What? What the hell are you talking about? Did someone say something?” He was getting more concerned, and I felt terrible, but I couldn’t let him know. I couldn’t say it out loud.

“Can…Can you just take me back to my hotel?” I asked sheepishly. I felt terrible to take him away from everyone, but I didn’t want to wait for an Uber. He looked down at me, concerned, before nodding.

“Yeah, let me just go grab your bag, take my keys, and meet me in the car.” He said wearily before handing me his keys and quickly heading back inside. I grabbed everything I set on the ground and stood up, stalking towards his van. By the time I made it, he was running up behind me. 

He handed me my bag as we both entered the van. I plopped back into the seat and sighed, staring out the window. I desperately wanted to ask if he heard anything while grabbing my bag, but I knew I couldn’t handle the answer. My stomach was already turning at the pain from just imagining it. I couldn’t handle knowing the truth.

We finally pulled off and started heading back to my hotel. He was fidgeting, like he was forcing himself not to do something, probably ask me more questions. 

“I’m sorry to pull you away from the party. It seems like all I’ve been doing since we met was pull you away from the boys,” I mumbled. He glanced at me with a worried look before turning back to the road. 

“Don’t say that. You’re going through a weird time, and I want to help. I enjoy spending time with you and care about you, so I’ll always be there if you need me.” I just sunk deeper into the seat. I wanted to go home. I should’ve just gone home. Maybe it could’ve cleared my head before I had to return to touring. 

Suddenly, a scent infiltrates my nose, probably caused by it being soaked into both of our clothes from the party, bringing me back to every other time I’ve felt like this. Like I wanted to rot away in bed. The smell only triggered the nostalgia in times like this, and there was nothing I could do to stop it from taking over. I missed it. I needed it.

“Can we stop at a convenience store real quick?” I ask him. He looked at me confused but agreed. After a few minutes, he pulls into the parking lot of a store.

“Just wait here. It’ll only take a second,” I tell him before slipping out of the car and making my way into the store. 

I walk towards the registers and stare at the wall behind it, weighing my decisions. After a moment or two, the cashier walks over and asks what I want. 

“American Spirits blue and,” I pause to grab a lighter from the stand, sliding it in front of me, “This, too.” 

She rings me up, and I quickly grab my items before heading back to the car. Matt gives me a confused look, glancing down at the pack in my hands, then back up at me. 

“You smoke?” He asked.

“Used to.” was all I said before I turned back to face out the window. I felt his eyes stay on me. He probably wanted to say something but then decided against it as he turned the car back on and made our way back to the hotel.

A few minutes later, we reached the hotel. I give him a quick ‘thanks’ and tell him to go back to having fun at the party. He gives me a sad look but just says ‘goodbye’ and to stay safe, before driving off. 

I stay outside and wait for him to drive out of sight before walking over to a bench outside the hotel. I set my things down beside me and just stared at the pack of cigarettes in my hand. It took me months to get rid of the cravings the last time I touched these, but I always came back. There was always an event that led my thoughts right back to desperately craving them. 

I pull one out and set the pack next to me with the rest of my stuff. I eye the lone cigarette for a few seconds, internally debating if this was the choice I wanted to make. But honestly, It was already in my hands, and it was nowhere near as bad as the other things my ex got me hooked on, so I placed it between my lips and lit it. It instantly produced the sweet nostalgic smell I always missed. I inhaled, held for a second, and then exhaled. 

It tasted like home. Like the times where I searched for one, looking for that feeling of safety. It reminded me of dealing with Gus. How I always had one in my hand as I slowly weaned off other things. God, Tommy is going to be so pissed at me. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t in the mood to please others at the moment. I needed to take care of myself. 

I finished off the cigarette, tossing it into the trash. I grabbed my things and made my way to my hotel room, just wanting to lie down.

I slept off and on the whole night. Every time I woke up, I’d just start crying again. It wasn’t always over the situation with Noah. All the feelings I dealt with in the past came crashing back down. I hadn’t moved an inch since I laid here when I got back, other than to toss and turn. 

I heard my phone chiming every once in a while, but I just turned it off. I didn’t want to do this, but every time the depression came back, especially this hard, I couldn’t control it. I either secluded myself or made dumb decisions. In the past, the boys watched over me to make sure it didn’t get too bad, but this time, I was allowed to let it take over.

It was now two in the afternoon, and I desperately needed to get a shower. I ran through every idea in the book to convince me to actually do something. I didn’t want to see friends, so that wouldn’t work. I didn’t want to take a walk to look at the places in the city. I didn’t want to do anything but lay here.

That’s when I really noticed how uncomfortable I was in my outfit from last night. The fishnets dug into me, and my makeup was so smeared and caked up from sleeping in it that it felt like I shoved my face in dirt. I tried to ignore it, but I felt so disgusting that I just had to push myself out of bed. 

I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself, grimacing at my appearance. I debated if I could just get away with makeup wipes and a change of clothes, but I realized I was already here, standing in front of the shower, so why not? 

After a shower that lasted about an hour, sitting on the floor most of it, I finally got out and started getting dressed. I looked through my clothes, trying to find something comfy to wear, but there wasn’t much that peaked my interest. I could toss on pajamas and just rot in bed, or I could put on something that might make me feel good about myself. Then it hit me. Shopping. Spending money. That’s exactly what will cheer me up. 

I spent a good three hours shopping, moving from store to store, getting anything I thought would make me look good. I landed on a specific dress (more like a lingerie piece), and that led me to where I was now—getting ready to hit up a club. 

I needed to keep myself on my feet unless I wanted to fall back into a hole of self-pity. So, I was currently doing my hair and makeup to look as hot as possible, needing to look better than I feel right now. 

I finally turned my phone back on and answered a few messages, mainly just letting Tommy and Matt know that I was okay. I had more from the other boys, but I figured those two could let the rest know that I was still alive. 

Once I felt like I looked good, I ordered my Uber and grabbed all my stuff to head downstairs and wait for it. While waiting, I smoked a few cigs. It felt so good to feel the nicotine coursing through my blood again. I was genuinely excited to go somewhere by myself again. It almost never happened, as at least one of my boys always wanted to tag along, mostly for my safety but also because they were party animals. But tonight was for me. I needed to let go and do something for me and only me. 

I see my Uber pull up and quickly put out my cigarette before hopping in. I greeted the driver, and we made our way to the club. The drive wasn’t too long, so we just chatted about how our days were and how the city was treating us before we pulled up outside the club. I gave him my thanks and got out.

I could hear the music blasting as I walked through the doors. It was only eight P.M., so it wasn’t going to get crazy for a while, but it was still packed. 

I make my way to the bar and order myself a drink, not really caring about waiting for someone to buy me one this time. I needed alcohol pumping through me as soon as possible if I wanted to truly have fun tonight. 

Once the bartender handed me my drink, I bee-lined to the dance floor. I’ve been dancing so much lately, and I loved it. I found a group of girls and stayed close to them as everyone danced to the music. The music and alcohol flowed through my body, and I felt amazing. The girls danced with me with giant smiles on their faces, none of us having spoken before, just relishing in having a good time tonight. Maybe it was because it was L.A. or that none of these people knew my music, but I really enjoyed just letting myself go on the dancefloor and have no one watching me. Maybe I need to move out here someday. The people were sweeter than those in New York, and it wasn’t crazy to spot someone more known on the streets, so you weren’t bombarded by fans when all you wanted to do was get a slice of pizza. 

The music finally switched over to slower songs, and it was almost like they were waiting as I instantly had a guy come over and dance with me. I won’t lie, I was a little tired of dancing with random guys, especially after the whole debacle last night, but I decided to enjoy it for a song before I got a new drink.

I didn’t even turn to see what he looked like, I just swayed my hips with the music, and he held on for the ride. He was getting a little handsy, but nothing too bad, so I let him be. Then, he started getting a little too close to a tit, so I decided if I wanted to deal with all of that, I definitely needed another drink. I slipped away from him and snuck into the crowd of people, heading towards the bar. There were a lot of people waiting for drinks, and I debated for a minute if I wanted to wait in line or just come back. I was starting to crave another cig, so I decided to just come back. 

I made my way out to the patio, where everyone else was smoking. Only four people were there, so it wasn’t cramped as I slipped outside. I dug around in my purse, looking for what I needed. I quickly checked the time and saw that it was somehow already eleven. Guess it’s going to be a late night for me, but I’m having fun, so who cares? 

I pull out the pack and a lighter, taking one before putting it back in my purse. I feel someone slip by me as I light my cigarette, so I move out of their way. Taking a puff, I hear a quiet ‘shit’ and multiple clicks of a lighter. Then, they tap on my shoulder. 

“Can I steal a light real quick?” They ask. I nod as I take another hit and hand them my lighter. I hear them light their cigarette, taking a quick puff, before handing the lighter back to me. I finally look at them as I reach out.

“Oh!” I say, a little shocked. His eyes focused on me a little better, trying to see if he knew me. Then shock spreads across his face.

“Y/N!! I didn’t know you were in L.A.!” Will exclaimed. It took me a few moments to answer, still stunned that the man I had been occasionally chatting with after looking up to him for a few years was right in front of my eyes.

“Oh my god! Will! Yeah, we’re all on break for a week, and they decided to stay in L.A.” I take another hit before leaning against the railing, “What are you doing here?”

“We’re staying with a friend for a few days. Yo, that’s crazy that we both ended up here at the same time.” He mimicked my actions, leaning against the railing as he spoke. 

“In L.A. and at this club!“ I continued, “Are you here with the band?”

“Yeah. They wanted to do something fun tonight, so they dragged me here, but I’m not too much of a fan of clubs so I’ve just been a wallflower the whole night. What about you? Is your band here?” 

“Nah, I was finally able to have some alone time with them staying at the Bad Omens abode and figured I should also go out and meet new people since those idiots are all I see nowadays,” I laugh out. 

“So, are you having fun? Meet any new people?” He asks. He took another puff of his cigarette, and when he went to flick off the ash, I watched as his eyes trailed down my body. I forgot how much skin I was showing in this ‘dress.’

“Fun? Yes. Meeting people? No. I just came out here because some weirdo was getting a little handsy on the dance floor, so I wanted to step away for a bit. And the bar is packed.” I laughed out. He chuckled, but I could tell his mind wasn’t as focused as it could be as his eyes trailed over my tattoos, most of them on display. 

“Well, I’m happy to be the person you meet tonight,” He finally says, snapping out of his trance. I giggled and finished my cigarette, ashing it out and tossing it in the ashtray they had out here. 

“I am really happy to see you. I’ve been thinking of a good time to plan a meet-up, but it probably wasn’t going to happen for a while because of tour, so I’m glad I got to run into you here.” He nodded as he finished his cig, doing the same.

“No yeah, I agree. Ever since I saw that video and started chatting with you, I knew you’d be fun to hang out with. Maybe sometime this week, we can make plans and either do that vocal lesson I promised, or just hang out.” He gave me his signature smile, making me mirror it. 

“I’d really like that. I didn’t have much planned this week. All I knew was that I needed to do stuff myself and not with everyone I was going to spend the next three months with.” I replied. He nodded with a sweet smile before glancing inside, remembering where we were. 

“Come on, let me buy you a drink. You’re the most fun I’ve had all night, and I don’t want this conversation to end just yet.” I agreed, so we made our way back inside. He had a hand on my lower back as we walked to the bar. I felt heat rush to my cheeks as he held it there while we waited. Hey, I never said I didn’t have a small crush on him, so this was definitely getting my heart racing.

We ordered our drinks and just chatted about what our bands were up to and what we’d done the past few days as we waited for them to be made. I told him about the party last night, obviously leaving out the ending, to which he replied by complimenting my costume, saying that he had never seen such a hot Ghost Face. I gave him a shy smile and a small ‘thank you.’

“By the way, you also look absolutely amazing tonight,” He added, using this as a chance to graze his eyes over my body once more. The compliments and looks were hitting my core, so all I could give him was another shy ‘thanks,’ hoping the lights hid the blush that I could feel creeping over my body. 

Our drinks finally arrived, and I thanked Will and the bartender. We walked away from the bar and towards one of the walls, probably where he had been standing the whole night. We continued talking and sipping our drinks, occasionally laughing at what the other said. I didn’t know what to do with my hands or mouth when I wasn’t talking, as I was still a little starstruck that I was chatting with him and that he had been complimenting me, so I accidentally finished my drink pretty quick. He didn’t seem to notice, but I could feel the alcohol coursing through my veins, giving me a boost of confidence that I definitely needed right now. 

And just in time, another slower song started playing. I glanced out at the dance floor, then back at Will. He looked so good and all I wanted to do was dance tonight, so courage took over as I set my now empty drink down and took his hand, leading him to the dance floor. It spooked him for a second, but he quickly gave in. I finally stop once we’re deep enough in the sea of people. He leaned down to my ear to speak.

“I’m not a good dancer,” he said before pulling his head back. I just laughed and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him back down until I reached his ear. 

“Just follow my lead.” 

I turned around and pressed my body against his before reaching behind, grabbing his hands, and placing them on my hips. He tensed for a moment, seemingly shocked at how quickly I was getting into it, but eventually eased into me. I leaned back into his chest and swayed my hips. I felt his hands tighten on my waist as our hips made contact, making me smirk. 

We moved our bodies to the music perfectly. I had been dancing a lot the past month, but no one fitted against me as well as Will did. He let me take control and just went along with the movement of my body. 

Soon, his hands started moving up, stopping at the bottom of my ribs as he lost himself in the music and dance. I sneakily pressed into him more as he did so, causing me to feel a rumble in his chest, probably from a groan. Then, I pulled my signature move. I placed a hand on top of one of his and hooked the other behind me to rest against his neck, pulling us closer. His head dropped and landed on my shoulder as our bodies fit into each other’s like a glove. I continued moving my hips to the music, occasionally pressing into his more, and every time I did, he’d let out a low growl, the sound shooting right to my core. It was almost like he was taming himself. But that just made this more fun to me. 

I let my head drop back into his shoulder, us now fitting together like two puzzle pieces. His hands slid in towards my stomach, and he pressed my body even closer to his. I felt him growing against my ass, and I had to bite back a whimper. More than anything did I want to grab his hand and drag it lower, but I wasn’t going to be that girl who did this at a club, especially if anything got out about this. Almost as if he read my mind, he lifted his head to speak. 

“Let’s get out of here.” He almost growls into my ear. All I could do was nod in response. 

We managed to mostly keep our hands to ourselves the whole ride back to the hotel. Nothing happened besides a hand on my thigh and our hearts racing until we reached my hotel room. The second I opened the door, and we entered, he pushed me against the back of it, slamming it closed and making me giggle. His lips instantly attached to mine as my hands landed on his sides, pulling him close. His hands traveled down my body before reaching my ass, kneading it. The kiss was a mess, teeth clashing and giggles spilling through. I reached my arms up and around his neck, holding him close as his hands slid down to my thighs, tapping one to signal me to jump. My legs immediately hooked around his hips as he pressed me further into the door. 

Now, at the perfect angle, he pushed his hips into mine, causing both of us to groan at the incredible friction it caused. I pulled away and started trailing kisses down his jaw and onto his neck. He threw his head to the side once I reached the spot that was most sensitive, so I kept nibbling at it. His hips bucked into mine once I started working on leaving a mark as he let out beautiful, airy moans. 

He pulled me away from the door and carried me to the bed, dropping me on it. I bounced as I fell and giggled, looking up at him. His eyes were dark, but he still had his sweet smile on his lips, using the moment of me laid out in front of him to officially take in my appearance.

“That fucking dress. This would’ve never happened if you didn’t wear this goddamn dress,” He growled, bringing an arm down to trail over my body, “I almost want you to keep it on, but that’s no fun.” 

He leaned down to hover over me, crashing his lips back into mine. A hand traveled down my body, sliding under my dress and lifting it up as it moved back up and over my frame. My hands reached around him, pulling on the back of his shirt, wanting him to take it off. Getting the signal, he briefly stood and pulled his shirt off before coming back down and attaching his lips to my neck. The hand that wasn’t holding him up was moving up my stomach, so I arched my back so the dress could pull up as his hand reached my breast. He gently caressed it as he attacked my neck. I needed more. 

My hands traveled up his chest and around his neck as a leg hooked around his hip, pulling his body weight into me. He let out a groan into the crook of my neck as I did my best to grind my hips against his under the weight. He nipped at my shoulder as I worked on getting any relieving friction. 

He pulled away from me, making a whimper escape my throat, as he unbuttoned his pants and dropped them to the ground. He crawled into the bed and leaned up against the pillows before reaching over and grabbing me, pulling me into his lap. I gasped and giggled at how simple it was for him to ragdoll me around. 

I looked down at him with my hands on his shoulders once I was settled in his lap. His hands were on my hips, gripping them with the only restraint he had left. He crashed his lips into mine again and instantly started rocking my hips against his, causing moans to spew out and into each other’s mouths. I did my best to match his movements, but my hips shuttered every time I felt the perfect amount of pressure on the desperate bundle of nerves. I had to pull away from the kiss and drop my head into the crook of his neck as I did my best to control my breathing in between gasps and moans. I quickly leaned back and finished taking off the now hitched up dress, wanting to feel his skin on mine before returning to the position I was in before. I couldn’t tell if he liked me being on top or if he enjoyed being able to use me like a toy, but I didn’t care. Between the movement, the friction of us both still in our underwear, and his bitten back moans in my ear, I was already so close. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and dug my face deep into them as I felt the knot in my stomach getting tighter and tighter. My mind was so focused on the feeling that I let him take complete control again, gliding my hips against his with ease. 

“Come on, precious,” He growled as he started leaving sloppy kisses on my shoulders, “Cum for me.” 

As if my body was unable to disobey a command, I was instantly thrown over the edge. I held onto him tighter as my body tensed, and a loud, airy moan escaped my lips. He didn’t stop his movements, just gradually slowed down to let me ride out the high. I did my best to control my breathing as electricity shot through my body. He finally eased to a stop and just pulled me close to him as I came down from my high.

Once I fully recovered, I lifted my head from his neck and looked at him. His eyes were still full of lust, and the grip on my hips forcefully held me against his rock-hard cock. This was nowhere near over. I bit my lip before speaking.

“Condom?” I sheepishly asked. He looked at me a little wide-eyed, probably shocked that I was already wanting to continue, but then he pointed towards his jeans that laid on the floor.

I swiftly leaned over the side of the bed and rummaged through his pockets. Eventually, I saw a small sliver of foil peeking out from his wallet, so I slid it out and sat back up and onto his lap. I ripped open the package but then set it beside me as I looked back into his eyes. He was just watching me, mouth slightly ajar. My hands moved to the waistband of his boxers, fingers hooking into them. We both lifted ourselves slightly so I could pull them down. Once far enough down, his rock hard member sprung up, the tip bright red and leaking precum. I just had to touch it, so I bit my lip and wrapped my hand around it, causing Will’s head to fall back with a groan. I softly giggled as I started moving my hand up and down. His hands landed on the tops of my thighs, gripping them, trying to ground himself. I only gave it a few strokes, before pulling away to grab the condom. The second I pulled away, he looked back at me, catching his breath. His eyes trailed down to my hands, following them as I slid the condom onto him, with a whimper escaping his lips as I rolled it on. 

Using his shoulders as leverage, I lifted myself up to hover over him. I had completely forgotten about the fabric still between us until he slipped his hand up from my thigh, pushing my panties to the side. With both of us watching where we met, I slowly lowered myself onto him. A soft gasp let my lips as I felt him stretch me. Slowly but surely, I eased myself down, taking in the stretch the best I could. 

I looked back up at him once our hips finally met, and a whimper erupted in my throat as I saw him, eyes closed with his head thrown back, taking in the feeling. Once the pressure subsided, I started moving up and down. His eyes shot open, and he let out a groan as I moved, his hands immediately sliding up to my hips. Something took over me, and I reached down, lacing my fingers with his before lifting them above his head and holding them against the wall behind him as I sped up my movements. His head shot up, and he looked at me a little shocked, but I just crashed my lips back into his, moaning into his mouth. 

He instantly faltered to the dominance and let me take over, whimpering and moaning underneath me. God, this was the hottest thing I’ve ever witnessed. I pulled away from the kiss and started trailing sloppy kisses down his neck. 

“Oh..f-fuck..” He moaned out. He was like a puddle in my hands, and I loved it.

An array of sinful noises clouded the room, his being louder than mine as I nipped and sucked love bites all over his neck. The sounds he made just got messier and messier, and I could sense that he was reaching his breaking point. I felt him twitch inside of me, signaling that he was close, so without changing my speed, I took one of his hands in my hold and placed it on my chest before dragging it down until it reached between my legs. Immediately understanding, he began rubbing my clit with what little brain power he had left. 

I leaned back so that every time I came back down, he was hitting me right where I needed him to. Between that, him rubbing me, and the chorus of whimpers and moans that escaped us both, we both got closer and closer to our climax. 

“I- fuck.. I’m gonna cum..” He whimpered out between moans. The knot in my stomach was seconds away from snapping.

“Me too, baby. Cum for me.” Saying that immediately sent him over the edge, me following seconds later. 

We were so loud, I wouldn’t be surprised if I got noise complaints. I tried my best to keep moving, but it came over me so intense all I could do was fall into his chest again. He wrapped both arms around me, holding me tight as he rutted into me a few times, each one shooting more pleasure and electricity through my nerves. 

We finally both stilled, other than our heavy breathing. We were both holding onto each other for dear life until our minds cleared. Slowly, our bodies relaxed, but neither of us showed any sign of moving. We just held each other close, catching our breaths. 

He started leaving soft kisses on my shoulder, so I took that as a sign to finally move off of him. With a groan from both of us at the feeling, I slowly lifted myself off of him and laid down beside him, exhausted. He quickly got up and disposed of the condom before coming back and joining me. I giggled as he slid himself under the covers, pulling them over me. 

The crash from all the energy I let out today was officially approaching, and I could feel myself start to drift off. He took notice and pulled us together, wrapping an arm over me. 

“Goodnight, my little petal,” He said before leaving a kiss on my temple. I giggled at the new nickname before nuzzling in closer to him, a little cold from being almost completely bare. 

“By the way, you’re fucking hot when you’re in control,” He whispered, making me bust out laughing. 

“Noted,” I said before letting myself drift off.

I blinked open my eyes, raising a hand to wipe the crusties that had formed over them, before realizing it was actually my makeup that I had slept in. Then, I noticed the soft snoring beside me and looked over to see a bare-chested Will. 

Oh fuck. I didn’t. I mean, I know I did. I remember it perfectly, but my now clear mind can’t believe I let the alcohol and lust take over last night. You just had to bring Will home out of all people? You’re supposed to be making things in your life less awkward. God damnit, Y/N. You keep fucking shit up when you’re in this state.

I went to sit up, trying my best not to wake him, but he immediately stirred in his sleep. His snores stopped, and his eyes slowly opened. He groaned as he raised a hand to his eyes, shielding them from the light before he realized where he was. 

His hand immediately dropped, and he looked at me, shocked. I couldn’t help but anxiously chew on my lip, waiting for him to say something. But instead, he just started laughing. 

“Boy, am I glad to see you and not some random chick.” He finally said. I lightly smacked his arm, a small smile forming on my face. 

“Not funny, Will. What the hell happened?” He suppressed his laughs before turning over and facing me.

“They made strong ass drinks, is what happened,” He teased before a shocked look covered his face, “Wait! Not that I had to be drunk to sleep with you! I jus-“

I cut him off by laughing and smacking his shoulder again. 

“I know what you mean.”

“Okay, I’ll just shut up now.” I shook my head, giggling, before standing up from the bed and walking over to my clothes, throwing in something warm and comfy, as the chill morning air was freezing my almost naked body. 

After getting clothes on, I turned back around to Will, who was staring at me, almost in a trance. I snapped my fingers a few times, smirking.

“Will. Eyes up here,” I said with a giggle. He finally came back to reality and chuckled.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about that goddamn dress,” He groaned out as he fell back onto the bed. I walked over and sat at the edge of his bed, where his legs were. He noticed my more serious demeanor and sat up.

“So… I hope you know that this wasn-“

“No, no. I completely agree. Yes, you’re extremely attractive, but I never even saw you that way before last night, and I think it was both the alcohol and you choice in clothes taking over me,” He softly laughed out as he leaned forward and put a hand on mine, “One time thing. We can act like it never even happened.”

“One time thing,” I repeated. He nodded, staring at me with a serious look.

“Y/N, all I really wanted was to be your friend. So, if you promise that this doesn’t make anything weird, then we’re friends and only friends, okay?” I immediately nodded.

“I completely agree. I knew we got along really well… Maybe a little too well, “ I say, chuckling, “But I truly just wanted to be your friend. The past few days were really weird days for me and I may have made decisions that I normally wouldn’t make, but as long as you’re okay with leaving it behind, then I am too.”

“Absolutely. But I still wanna hang out with you this week before we both go back to our normal lives.” He offered.

“As long as you put some clothes on,” I teased. He looked down at himself, before chuckling and standing up, grabbing his clothes from last night and tossing them back on. 

“Oh, fuck. I completely left the guys at the club without telling them anything.” He scrambled to grab his phone, opening and checking his messages, before laughing, “They said that they saw me leaving with, and I quote, ‘a hot ass chick, so have fun.”

I just shook my head, giggling. I guess I got exactly what I was looking for last night. If only I was in a better mind and didn’t go out looking to wake up in bed with someone. I guess I’m lucky that it was him and not some random person. 

“You wanna head over to where we’re staying and run a small vocal lesson like I promised? They have a studio there.” He asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, let me just fix…this,” I said, gesturing over my entire head, making him laugh. 

We both thanked the Uber driver and hopped out, heaving up to another large house. I’m coming to realize that’s just how L.A. is, especially spending time with musicians. But we also weren’t too far from where the boys lived, so maybe it’s just this part of town. 

My nerves were eating at me, but I tried my best to hide it. I was about to meet the rest of Lorna Shore. I have listened to them for years, fascinated by the music they created, and I was about to meet the geniuses behind it all. I know, being a musician myself, that I shouldn’t treat them any differently, but I can’t stop myself from freaking out like I was meeting an idol, because I technically was. 

We step through the doors, and I take a look around. This place looked so much more put together than the Bad Omens’ house, but then again, that was purely taken care of by four boys who were rarely home. 

Will walks in further, trying to find a sign of anyone else in the house, so I close the door and follow him. We reach the kitchen and find Austin and Micco. I stared, stunned for a few moments as the three boys greeted each other but thankfully snapped out of it once they turned to me. 

“I’m Y/N..It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I greet, trying my best not to be weird, but I don’t think it was working. 

“Oh shit! Wait! You’re the girl from the video!” He exclaimed, making me blush a little and nod. I guess the whole band saw the video. 

“Yeah, Will promised me some vocal lessons, so when we ran into each other last night, he figured we could do that..today..” I trailed off as both Austin and Micco’s eyes widened and looked between us.

“Last night?” Micco asked both of us before staring at Will, who shrunk into himself.

“Don’t talk about it! It never happened!” He said as he raised his hands in defense. 

“Well, you’re gonna need to do a little more to prove that,” Austin said, pointing towards Will’s neck, making Will reach a hand up and cover it. 

“We’re gonna head up to the studio,” Will rushed out as he turned, grabbed my arm, and pulled me away from them. 

“Remember, this isn’t our house!” Micco shouted towards us as we made our way to said studio. 

We reached the room, and Will closed the door behind me. I looked around the room in complete awe. It was a beautiful studio. I never even asked whose house we were at, but they had an amazing collection of guitars, a huge drum set, and a gorgeous sound booth set up. 

“I guess you’re liking Dave’s studio,” he laughed. I turned to him with a confused look. 

“Dave?” I asked.

“Pérez,” he said, causing my face to immediately shift to shock.

“I’m in Davier Pérez’s fucking house right now?” I almost yelled. He laughed at my reaction.

“I didn’t realize you knew DevilDriver. Yeah, he’s Austin’s buddy.” I just stared at him.

“I can’t do this. It’s bad enough that I just met two members of Lorna Shore, but now I’m gonna have to meet the drummer of DevilDriver because now I’m in his house without his knowledge.” He just laughed at me. 

“First off, I didn’t realize you were that big of a fan, and second, you literally slept with a member of Lorna Shore. So, I think you’re okay. No need to freak out.” I smacked his shoulder at the last part, making him laugh more before continuing, “Come on, let’s get to work.” 

He walked over to the control board and sat down before turning to me. I followed him but looked at him confused when he sat down. 

“Why are we over here?” I asked.

“Get in,” he replied, motioning towards the sound booth. I looked at him, even more confused.

“But..how is that gonna help with lessons?” 

“I wanna hear your isolated vocals. You’ll still hear the music through the headphones, but I’ll only hear you,” he said with a smirk. Suddenly, I regretted coming here. 

“I-uh.. what if they’re not good?” I asked, getting a little nervous.

“Well, that’s kinda the whole point of lessons. To make you better,” he answered like it was obvious. 

I looked between him and the sound booth, debating if I was willing to embarrass myself in front of him, but once I remembered that I was literally naked in front of him last night, I just thought, ‘fuck it,’ and walked in. 

I close the door behind me and stand in front of the microphone. Seeing the headphones hanging off of them, I put them on and turned to look at Will through the glass. He leaned forward and pressed a button, I guess so I could hear him. 

“What song will it be?” he asked. What song am I least likely to fuck up? 

“Uh..you pick,” I spoke into the mic. He laughed at my answer.

“There’s no way you know every Lorna Shore song,” he teased, making me blush. I opened my mouth to retort back but couldn’t think of anything, “Okay. I’ll just play ‘To the Hellfire’ since that’s one of our easiest ones, and I know, for sure, that you know that one.” 

He hit random ass buttons, obviously knowing how a control board worked. I heard a second of the beginning of the song before he paused it, flicking a few controls before turning back to me. My stomach was in my ass with nerves, but there was no going back now. 

“This is all so new to me. I have no fucking clue what’s happening. Every time we recorded anything, we were just told to play, and they did most of the work,” I quickly said into the mic. He laughed and shook his head before pressing the button that let me hear him. 

“Calm down. I’m the only one who will hear you. Now, I am recording you, but only for us to go back and work on what needs help. Are you okay with that?” I nodded in response, so he continued, “Alright. I’m gonna count you down, and then you do the rest.” 

He watched me for my response, but I just nodded again. It was mainly to myself, trying to convince myself that everything was fine and that I could do this. 

He hovered his hand over a button, keeping his eyes on me. He raised the other, holding up a three, two, and then one. Then, the music started. I took a deep and closed my eyes, trying to channel my inner Will as the intro played out. I started off with my best goblin scream as I sang along. I did my best to remember the notes I had written down years ago, analyzing when to switch screams and which ones to switch into. 

After a minute, I lifted my hands to the headphones, pulling one off my ear since I couldn’t hear myself but pressing the other side closer to the other so I could hear every note that Will hit, racking my memory so I knew when to reach each one. 

I’ve never been so focused. It wasn’t until I was towards the end that I realized I wasn’t moving around as much as I usually do. I dropped my hands and shook out my body, getting ready for the last few lines.

With a deep breath, I hit the lowest guttural I could for ‘My final breath,’ switching to a tunnel goblin for ‘Swallowed by the womb of,’ then my lowest tunnel for ‘death.’ I sang the next two lines with more of a pig squeal, ending with a tunnel. Then, it was time for the main act. 

I contorted my body as I did the best snorts and squeals I could before ending with a goblin, holding it out the longest I could. I finally opened my eyes once the music ended and turned to Will, who was sitting back in his chair with a smile on his face. He leaned forward and pressed the button so I could hear him talk.

“Get the fuck out here,” He laughed. I took the headphones off and exited the sound booth. I looked at him, anxiously chewing on my lip, waiting to hear his opinion. 

“Dude,” He paused to laugh and rub his face, “How in the fuck have you never taken lessons for shit like this? Hearing that through a fucking phone was nothing compared to hearing that isolated and right in front of me.”

“So it was good?” I asked sheepishly. He laughed harder before standing. 

“Don’t be mad, but I’ll be right back. Wait right here,” he said before leaving the room. I watched him, confused, before sitting down in the chair he was in to wait for him. 

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, so I pulled it out and saw that Matt had texted me. 

Matty- HELLO????

Matty- WILL’S STORY???

Confused, I immediately switched over to Instagram and typed in Will’s username, clicking on his story. He had posts of him and the band at the club last night, but the last post was a video of me in the sound booth, singing. It was muted, thank god, but he wrote, ‘I got the next deathcore vocalist right here. I can’t wait for yall to hear what she can do.’

I know I should be mad, but having him say these things about me made me realize that maybe I didn’t have a reason to hide this. Maybe I should follow my dreams and do more harsh vocals. 

I got pulled out of my thoughts to the door opening, and six guys piled into the room. I immediately stood up, ready to greet those that I hadn’t met yet. Will introduced me to Andrew, Moke, and Dave before walking past me to the control board. He turned to me before speaking. 

“Now, I do need your permission to show them this, but I need you to know that this was fucking insane, and I just have to show someone, is that okay?” I looked at him, stunned, before nodding. He gave me a smile before hitting a few buttons. My isolated vocals started playing through the speakers, and I couldn’t help but make a face at how high the quality was, revealing every mistake I made. It was impossible for my vocal range to sound anything near Will’s since I had a more feminine range, but if Will liked it, I guess it was good enough.

I turned to the men behind me, and they were all looking at me shocked, with Andrew, Moke, and Austin making a stank face, showing that they were really into it. I turned back to Will, and he gave me a proud smile. 

Finally, once the song was over and the room quieted down, they all just looked at me stunned, making me shrink into myself at the attention. 

“Holy fuck,” Austin finally said, causing the rest of them to agree in a chorus. 

“Now, it’s not perfect, but that’s because she’s singing a cover and learned everything on her own. But, if she wrote her own shit and used these vocals, oh my fucking god, dude,” Will said to them, chuckling at the end. I had no idea what to add to this. I could accept compliments on my outfits or my music now, but this was an entirely new territory for me.  

“I-uh..thank you?” I managed to get out. Will snorted before walking over to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. 

“You’re welcome, now I need you to get back in the sound booth so we can hear each of your screams so I know what you even need help with,” he smirked as he spoke.

“We?” I asked, looking around at all of them before looking back at Will. He just giggled, making me roll my eyes before slipping out of his grip and walking back into the sound booth.

Part Seven

[heartfullofleeches]

Incel, femcel, or themcel. We just need a greasy, chronically online mean person to be a yandere. Any ideas on how that would work?

(The best idea I could come up with is streamer reader)

Livestream began twelve minutes ago.

"Oh? Shit, is that V? What's up, buddy- welcome back."

You're so perfect. Near a quarter of an hour late, and you still grace them with a greeting. They knew you weren't like the others they wasted their time on. No, you're kind. Inviting. God they loved you so much.

V stumbled across your channel on night during a drunken relapse into pouring their hours into viewing the lives of random strangers online. It was all they had to do after work with none of the potential partners they messaged ever responding to their texts or calls. Their lost.

You were in the beginning period of streaming with only ten followers to your name; majority likely close friends and family. V planned on giving "light" critic of your performance, but something about the brightness in your eyes as they joined the stream sobered them up and glued them to their seat completely.

"Hi, welcome. Your name is actually too long to fix on the screen. Is it cool if I just call you V?"

And they were hooked on you ever since.

Little by little, your fanbase grew to the comfortable size it was today; your first real viewer front and center for each recording. Despite the boost in popularity, you never forgot those who gave it to you in the first place. V likes to think they're the most valued member with their donations and the equipment they sent once they had convinced you to open a p.o box. Shame they never pin pointed the location before you announced your move and had it closed.

"Since you're here. I can try on that jacket you sent me before I finish packing. It's so cute."

V wipes specks of drool off their screen as you sort through a cardboard box and slip the coat on. You were wearing something they touched. Fuck, you're so cute they could just devour you alive. With no roomates, they could get away with licking their phone unlike last time, but they refrained from said temptation for now. Cat ears sprout atop your head as you pull the hoodie on. You rub your shoulders as the jacket's interior snuggles your frame.

"Whoa, much warmer than I expected. I might wear it during my flight."

You better. Since you forced the thought into their head, if they see you with anything else in your photos they might blow a gasket. Just imagining random commentors wondering where you got the coat and you answering with a nod at their existence gave V the ego boost of a lifetime.

"It's getting kinda late. We'll do some more chatting then I gotta bounce for the night."

V watches the rest of your stream with the loudest voice of the crowd. They wait until it ends to begin their nightly routine of screenshotting their favorite moments of the stream. The highlight was a frame of you posing like a cat following another's chatters request. Having so many pests ruined some of their enjoyment, but times like this they'd let slide. For now.

-

V sits alone at the bus stop the following day. The prized picture taken previously was now their lockscreen photo. The fifth change in the last two days. A creature like you was bound to have unworthy trash throwing themselves at your feet daily, but they knew that with your history it would only take one hello for you to fall as madly in love with them as they were you. You're different like that. If only they could meet you.

V is pulled from their moment of bliss by a tap on their shoulder; scowl ready for whoever dragged them from heaven - until they see whose standing in front of them.

"Hi, I hope I'm not bothering you, but do you know if this bus goes to this street? My taxi didn't drive out that far apparently...."

The stranger blinks, cat ears shifting.

"Sorry- have we met before? You seem familiar. "

[vclvetfleur]

Obedient Chapter 10

roman roy x fem!reader

Summary: A week has gone by since you and Roman had argued and you both refuse to let it go. He even had resorted to ignoring you and making your job difficult. You get an offer from Kendall and take it.

TW: dr*g and alcohol abuse

Note: I had such a difficult time trying to figure out how to close this era off to the next. But thank you tik tok for giving me an idea.

Chapter 10: Nut milk

You and Roman hadn’t spoken to one another in over a week. You turned down Shiv’s dinner request, knowing it would be too soon to be around Roman for that long after just spending your morning and afternoon with him. You just thought it was for the best to give him that space. But in return of that, you were spending more time with Jess. You felt guilty though. You constantly lied to her about what happened with Roman. You just passed it off as you both saying very nasty things to each other because Roman was upset about the CEO position being taken away from him. Jess felt sorry for you. It had really taken a toll on you that even Kendall mentioned it. He offered to bring you on his morning runs, but you weren’t up for it. But he did finally come up with an offer you were willing to take.

Since Kendall began seeing Naomi Pierce, they’ve been both falling into bad habits. Their dynamic basically consisted of binges and partying together. He thought it’d be great to invite you out since he had tried to promise you that his idea of fun wasn’t as boring as you assumed it would be. You fought with the idea for a bit before accepting his offer.

You had gotten ready in your normal clothes for the first time in a while. This was the only time you had didn’t feel the need to dress up professionally. You had asked Jess to tag along, but she felt a bit burned out to go out to a party that realistically was going to last awhile. Kendall’s car was going to be there soon. He had brought a few more people out with them, which were all of Naomi’s friends that she felt comfortable sharing her relapse with. She wasn’t willing to let the news break out like the last time. Which she blamed ATN for. You made final edits to your appearance before finally rushing out of the apartment. You had gotten into the limo the Kendall sent out. No one was in there though. I guess you were the only one who lived farther from them. I mean, you did live in Brooklyn, and they probably were in Manhattan. But eventually the car filled up. You had just chatted with the girls that came in, pouring drinks for each other and laughing. They weren’t typically your type of people, but a night out could be fun with them. As long as they didn’t act too out of line. But everyone stopped as the host of the night, Kendall and Naomi got into the car. He seemed a lot more jumpy than he has ever been. He spoke a lot quicker too and seemed to stumble on his own words a lot. You had spent enough time in the club scene to see what was happening. He had just done a couple of lines with Naomi before getting in the car. You just decided to not say much. It wasn’t really your business. He had relapsed long ago, you knew that. Maybe he was handling his addiction better? You tried to rationalize it. Kendall kept encouraging everyone to do shots, even you. “Come on! One more before we go in.” Kendall encouraged. One of Naomi’s friends had poured everyone one before raising hers in the air. “One! Two! Three!” One of them counted before they all downed your shot. You were psyching yourself out before taking the shot down. You dry heaved from the taste of it. “Isn’t fancy tequila supposed to go down easier?” You coughed, grabbing a soda to drink to get rid of the flavor that was still on your tongue. The car stopped, but you fixed your lipstick before getting out with everyone. Kendall made sure to watch over you tonight. He wasn’t sure what you were really prepared for and how much you were willing to even be around. He also did have some care for you after having to see you constantly. He didn’t want to leave you behind. He spoke to the bouncer before leading you all in, keeping Naomi on his arm. You were let into a dark room before the doors open to reveal lights flashing everywhere. There were people covering the entire floor, either dancing or making out with a stranger they had just met. You hadn’t gone out in a while actually. Not since you left college a couple months ago. You had no one to go with. And you were too stressed out. But you use to go out 2 or 3 times a night. “You alright?” Kendall shouted over the music into your ear. You nodded, raising a thumbs up. “Our table is gonna be over there. So just order from there. It’s all on me.” He told you. You appreciated the sentiment. Once you adjusted to the environment, you loosened up. You went into the crowd, dancing with yourself or whoever was willing to join you. Every so often Naomi’s friends would join with you or wonder around and discover more stuff in the club. You had gotten a few drinks, downing some shots to keep your energy up. You knew you’d crash eventually, but you weren’t slowing down anytime soon. After a while of going around, you decided to find Kendall. Luckily for you, he had been looking for you as well. You walked to him, his arm wrapping around your shoulder as he brought you over to Naomi. “Hiiii my gorgeous girl.” Naomi giggled, pinching your cheeks. You were too drunk to even understand your surroundings. “Where have you been tonight? Me and Sophia had just scored some coke, if you’re up for it.” She tried to test out if you’d join or not. Kendall wasn’t sure where you stood with drugs, but it couldn’t hurt to try.

But you were in a place to want to keep excitement in your body. “How long til it gets here?” You asked her. She smiled, looking at Kendall then at you. “20 more minutes.” She told you. You nodded, agreeing to the offer. You had taken a few hits of poppers from strangers today. You weren’t oppose to it. Plus, Kendall could probably afford coke that wasn’t laced with anything. Thankfully Naomi’s friend, Alisson, knew what was going to go down for the night and brought test strips with her.

“Come on, dance with me till it gets here.” You giggled, dragging Naomi away from Kendall. She laughed, putting her hand on your shoulder as you pushed through the crowd to find enough room for the two of you. You listened to the music, moving your body to the beat of it, not caring who was looking or judging you. You finally broke out of your shell that Roman had created. Being around the Roy’s made you feel so self-conscious of how you acted or dressed, but in a setting like this, it didn’t matter when they were just as much of a mess as you were. After dancing to 3 songs, Naomi broke it short, saying her dealer was here. You both rushed out, you stumbling a little. You sat back with Kendall and Naomi and her two friends had gone out to meet with him.

“You look like you’re having fun. I-uh- I feel like I hadn’t seen you smile-y’know since Nan’s.” Kendall expressed to you. You shrugged, slumped on the couch that was in Kendall’s paid section of the club. “Well, you can thank your dumbass little brother for that.” You giggled, grabbing the alcohol that was on the table, pouring cranberry and vodka into a cup before sipping on it to make sure it tasted good enough. You laid back, looking up at Kendall. “Give it up to Roman for ruining things.” Kendall put his glass up to make a toast on Roman’s behalf. You laughed loudly, probably cause of the alcohol, clinking his glass with yours. “What even- “He started before Naomi came in, tapping you both on the shoulder. She directed her head to the direction of somewhere more private. They couldn’t risk pictures leaking out. The club was huge, there were multiple rooms that had some kind of privacy to them. You followed them as they lead you and 2 other girls to a room that was small, but quiet enough. Naomi cut up lines for everyone, preparing some of it and testing to make sure it was good enough to even sniff. It was. But she couldn’t be too stupid. Naomi leaned forward and took a line before the rest of them took a turn, leaving you last. You held the rolled up dollar bill to your nose, leaning forward and inhaling it. You pinched the bridge of your nose, sniffling to make sure you had gotten it through your nose. It felt a bit like a burning sensation. You just had to wait 2 or 5 minutes before it was going to actually start to kick into gear.

“Have you ever done this kind of stuff y/n?” Naomi asked with a little smirk on her lips. “I mean I did a lot of regrettable things in college.” You laughed, palming your nose. You let your hand drop down. Naomi couldn’t stop laughing. You think it finally had hit her. Her high started. Before you knew it yours did too. You all had about 40 minutes before you come down. But Kendall and Naomi weren’t going to wait for it. They had drawn more lines, offering you some. You took the offer. Your body felt a jolt in itself as you had felt as though you were on cloud nine. Your body had a lightness to it. The rest of the night went on, you all just come back and then going out to dance and cause some kind of issue for yourselves. You and Kendall sat together alone, him finally having a come down. It was 3 am, Naomi was almost ready to leave, but was holding out for her friend who was busy with some guy.

“So what happened between you and Rome? You both seemed to be in some kind of fucking little honeymoon phase.” Kendall wondered; his sunglasses put on in an indoor setting to hide what utter shit he looked like after treating his body like that. “I mean- you both- come on.” Kendall teased. “You both basically eye fucked all day.” He wouldn’t let it go.

You would’ve never said this. But you weren’t in the headspace to even talk about anything serious. You had an awareness to you, but your mouth moved faster than your mind. “Roman and I kissed.” You confessed. Kendall shot up, clapping his hands together once. “I fucking knew it. So what? What’s wrong?” He was trying to invade your personal boundaries, but it was just nice to be able to even say anything to anyone. “I uh- well the next morning- I told him we couldn’t do that anymore.” You shrugged. Kendall laughed in disbelief. You were happy that someone finally knew. “Don’t tell Jess.” You begged him. He crossed his chest, making sure you knew he was keeping the secret with him.

“Well, did you want to kiss him?” Kendall was deeply curious. He didn’t see why Roman out of all people. Yeah, it was his brother, but he knew Roman’s personality mostly ruined every relationship he was in. “Yea. But that’s not the point. I just- it’s wrong, right? Me kissing my boss?” You asked him realistically. It was ethically and morally wrong, but it was something you wanted. There was no pressure. But it was social pressure of how you’d be treated. But regardless, you did want him in that way.

“Fuck no!” Kendall went on and tried to break down his thoughts people being upset about that were at the end of the day pussies. “Do you still want him?” Kendall egged you on. You nodded, admitting it to yourself finally. “You should go to his house.” Kendall continued to egg you on. You weren’t sure it was a good idea, but you took a shot of liquid courage and got up. “Wait- are you actually?” He laughed, wanting up with you. You nodded before grabbing your things. “Thank you for the best advice I could ask for Ken.” You hugged him before leaving him alone in the room. He was in complete disbelief that you would actually take his advice in any consideration; nonetheless you did. Roman’s house was just 10 blocks away, so it was about a 15 minute walk. You stumbled down the streets of New York, drunkenly laughing to yourself. You decided to even call Roman to at least give him a heads up. But he never responded. Regardless of you laughed and practically shouted at your phone to let you in when you finally get there. Before you knew it, you were at Roman’s building. You gave your name to the front desk, they’ve seen you before multiple times, letting you in easily. You had gone up to his floor, stepping out of the elevator and knocked on his door. You had probably been standing there for a good 5 minutes before you saw the lights come on in the hallways. Roman had been asleep, hearing buzzing and slamming on his door. He looked around, rubbing his face before finally sitting up in his empty bed. He looked at his phone, seeing a miss call from you, along with a voicemail. He got up, putting on some lounge pants and shirt before going downstairs. He played the voicemail, hearing a lot of laughing and giggling through his phone’s speaker. He could barely understand what you were saying before hearing you stop giggling as much before. “Okay! Byeeeeee! See you soon!” You then broke out into laughter. He turned on the lights in the apartment each time he entered the room before stopping at the door. He leaned up to the peep hole to see you waiting there patiently for him. He opened the door, being met with you coming inside immediately. You wreaked of booze. “Did you just rob a liquor store? It’s 4 am, they’re not even open now. What the fuck are-?” he asked before you shut the door behind the two of you. You laid on his wall, looking up at him suggestively, grabbing the end of his shirt, pulling him lightly close to you.

“You knoooow, I really wanted to fuck you the other night.” You confessed to him, stumbling on your words as you did, not only because of the alcohol, but you did do another line on your way here. You had stolen their little baggie before leaving Kendall. And the shot wasn’t entirely helping your nerves.

“Fucking haha, very funny joke. Get the fuck out y/n.” he rolled his eyes, turning his head away from you. But you ignored him, keeping your hands to fidget with his shirt.

“Noooo, I’m serious. Come on, you wanted to fuck me too.” You poked his stomach. He flinched, grabbing your hand to prevent you from touching his stomach like that again. He looked down at you as you gave him the goofiest smile unconsciously.

“It isn’t professional.” He mimicked your voice. He assumed you had been out and gotten a bit tipsy. You did smell, but it could’ve also been all the alcohol that accidentally spilled onto you the whole evening.

“Fuck professional. I want you right now.” You laughed, pulling him in before kissing him. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer to you. Roman could help himself. His hands landed down to your hips, pulling you close to him as your lips moved together, craving one another. It seemed like nothing was gonna tear you both from one each other. He was still mad, but he craved your touch more than ever. He couldn’t ignore how good you had made him feel that night. He just wanted one more night to feel that way again. He knew this was just as big as a mistake as you did. But he knew this could end badly if he continued on. He pulled away from you. You looked up at him desperately, trying to get him to kiss you again, but he shook his head no. “Come on, let’s get you sobered up.” He sighed. He let his hand out, offering it to you. You took it as he helped you walk to the kitchen. He made sure you didn’t trip as you hopped up on the chair that he had at his island. He grabbed you a cup of water, handing it off to you. “There uh- another room on this floor. I’m going to bed since you woke me up with your late night booty call.” He tried to make you laugh, but right now you’d laugh at anything he said. He tried to make sure you got into his guest bedroom bed safe enough before leaving you alone. He laid you on your side, leaving a trash can from the bathroom on the side for you just in case. He went upstairs to his bedroom, laying back down in his bed. He wanted to hold you, but knew once you woke up, you’d freak out on him. There was no way you were gonna remember any of this. Fortunately for Roman, you had passed out once you laid down. You were in a deep sleep. And you had been for most of the morning. You had woken up at 11:40 with Roman in his common area, just close enough to make sure you were okay. He even had run down to the store to get you some milk that you’d actually drink in your coffee in the morning. He grabbed whatever he saw that wasn’t cow’s milk. He even grabbed a croissant that was in a wrapper. He assumed croissants didn’t need any animal products to be made.  

You got up with a massive headache and your whole body feeling extremely sore from the night before. You groaned, holding your body as close to yourself as possible. Roman heard the groveling, getting up to go to your room. “Good morning, how was your shift at the bar?” He tried to ease you into what had happened the night prior. “Uh-I have-uh fucking aspirin if you want.” He offered, seeing your glass from last night was still full. You looked up at him before covering your face in complete embarrassment of what you did last night. You remembered everything. You didn’t regret what you did, just how you did it. “Are we even now that you rejected me?” You asked, pulling your hands away from your face, looking at Roman with a pout on your lips. Your eyes were too tired to fully open either. The glass walls didn’t help either.

“Yeah-yeah, you’re forgiven. Uh- here, lets get you up, huh?” He passed the conversation back to you. You nodded, slowly getting up, sitting on the edge of the bed. He helped you up, your legs feeling as if they had been beaten with a bat. They wobbled before finally getting a grasp of it. “I’m fine. Uh- do you have a toothbrush I can use?” You asked him. Your breath smelt terrible. It was a mix of morning breathe and liquor residue.  He nodded before rushing back to where he left the bag of shit he got for you. He also made sure to get you a toothbrush. He brought it back as you had made your way to the bathroom already. Your makeup was a complete mess. You washed your face, hearing Roman come in. He set the brand new toothbrush down before sitting on the large counter. “So wanna talk about last night?” He wondered.

You looked up at him, your lips in a tight line. “Can we just have a nice moment again before it goes to shit again?” You begged. He nodded and left you alone. You brushed your teeth and left the bedroom to see Roman pouring himself coffee that he just made you. You went over and grabbed yourself a mug before pouring yourself a cup. “Wanna check the fridge?” He hinted to you. You gave him a questioning look before going to the fridge to see almond milk in the fridge. You weren’t the biggest fan, but the sentiment was kind. You turned to him with endearment. “Thank you, Rome.” You gave him a smile before pouring it into your coffee. “Yeah- shut up.” He pretended to be annoyed. You sat down at the counter, sipping on your coffee. “Uh- I got you a croissant too.” He slid it over to you. Your smile grew, but you suppressed it, trying not to entirely hurt his feelings before breaking the bad news to him.

“Uh- Rome, croissants have egg in them. And butter. And milk. But thank you.” You finally giggled. He quickly grabbed it, calling it bullshit before reading the back to see the allergy warning ‘Contains : Milk and Eggs’. He made an annoyed sound, putting it down.

“Is fucking everything made with that? Fuck- how do you live?” He took his annoyance on you. You put your hand over his and tried to give him a reassuring smile. He pulled away though.

“Rome, I meant what I said last night. I really do want you. I talked about it with someone, and they made me realize that I-uh- that I should stop myself for what a possible outcome could be.” You smiled, finally letting it off your chest. You waited for his reaction. He just stood there and tried to process it. “I’ve liked you for a while, I just didn’t realize until that day and I got scared.” You continued. You hated how silent he was. It made you anxious. You tried to cover the silence with your voice, but Roman finally came to a conclusion.

“Uh- well. I do think you were right. I think it could really hurt both your and my reputation. Fucking-y’know with all that shit about oh abuse of power or whatever the fuck.” He finally gave his answer. He looked over at you, trying to see how you’d respond. You were definitely disappointed and hurt. This is probably how Roman felt the other day. You felt such a large range of emotions. Embarrassed for even putting yourself out there and for kissing him last night. A lot of resentment for Kendall for talking you into it. But a lot of just- sadness I guess- because you wanted to yell at Roman but had no right to. It wasn’t on him.

“Alright- well… I’m uh- I’m sorry for uh- y’know. All that.” You tried to get over the rejection quickly. Roman let out a brief sigh watching as you shifted in your seat. You tried to make it seem as though it didn’t entirely effect you. But it did.

“I-I don’t wanna stop though. If you- only if- you really wanted to take advantage of your boss or whatever the fuck.” He eluded to keeping things private between the two of you. Little sessions and romantic gestures but kept privately. “We don’t need to have sex per say” He tried to dodge that awkward talk of his inability to even have sex hardly ever. “And how would that exactly work?” You asked him, you weren’t entirely sure of what he was even trying to say. “Well-“ He tried to think, walking over to you, laying his hands onto your thighs. He looked at your lips before finally speaking once again. “Maybe just-like this.” He said, laying a hand over your cheek before laying his lips onto yours again. You melted into the kiss, being so much softer yet passionate. You leaned in, moving him in between your legs. Shortly the kiss was cut, you biting down on your bottom lip and looking at Roman as you both shared a mutual understanding of whatever this was going to be. “Well- I guess I’m fine with taking advantage of my poor boss.” You joked before laying one last kiss onto his lips. But Roman couldn’t be in a serious. “Ugh- I can taste that fucking nut water.” You couldn’t help but laugh before drinking your coffee in front of him.

“You’re fucking gross.” You mumbled.

Chapter 11

[lina-linny]

TW: Eating disorder!

summary: After a fight with your boyfriend Wooyoung, you have a relapse in your eating disorder.

Words: 2.1k

I watched my boyfriend pull this girl into his arms, laughing, and for the first time in my life, I felt this tugging in my stomach. It was something between raging anger and loneliness or maby sadness. Jealousy.

I couldn't decide whether I wanted to cry or punch Wooyoung in the face. But the urge to cry increased immeasurably when I saw my boyfriend kiss this girl on the cheek, who incidentally was one of the employees at KQ and with whom he was supposed to have a professional relationship. Or what?!

I averted my eyes and stared at the floor. Hongjoong, who was sitting next to me, nudged me and cautiously asked if everything was okay. I replied with a curt yes and put on my best fake smile. He still looked a little worried but mostly bought it.

I looked around the dance studio. Ateez had just taken a break from training on her captain's orders and so everyone was now standing around the room.

As I mentioned, Hongjoong was sitting next to me as he must have realized that I was a bit lonely because Wooyoung had asked me to come to her training but had almost ignored me since I arrived.

San and Seonghwa were also both standing around the staff member called Lia, who had just brought coffee and who had been hugged by Wooyoung until just now, so I quickly looked away from them.

Yunho and Mingi had each immediately grabbed one of the coffee cups and were now standing in one of the other corners of the dance hall, laughing and chatting.

Yeosang had gone for a breath of fresh air and Jongo had gone to the toilet.

I sighed and took my eyes off Wooyoung again, who was fooling around with San and Seonghwa and didn't even look at me. I wasn't sure if Wooyoung was 'ignoring' me on purpose or if he just didn't realize that I might feel lonely.

I looked at Hongjoong instead. At least someone who wanted to keep me company, if only out of pity. We talked for a bit until Hongjoong declared the break over and Ateez went back to choreographing ther new song.

~

I stared at Wooyoung in disbelief. The training was over and the idiot had just suggested that we could all go out to eat together. It didn't seem to bother him that he knew I had an eating disorder and therefore found it difficult to eat in the company of others and that restaurants were my absolute nightmare.

Mingi looked at me questioningly.

"Are you ok with it?" I smiled briefly and a little sadly.

"Don't worry about me, I'll just go home."

"Hey, should we do something else? It was just an idea. Sorry, I forgot that you don't like it. I'm sorry." Wooyoung said and I just stared at him. Wow, one of the first things he said to me today was that he had forgotten about me. Nice.

"No all good do what you want. I wanted to go home anyway." I said bitterly, grabbed my stuff, said goodbye curtly, and got a worried smile and a quick goodbye from each of the members except Wooyoung. I didn't have the energy to look at him before I left the room.

But when I had been out of the dance hall for about half a minute, the door opened again and my friend stood in front of me.

"Hey, I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking. You know me, sometimes I talk before I think and going out to eat is what we usually do after training. But we can do something else if you want. Everyone likes it when you're around."

I laughed a little hysterically. It wasn't usually my style to make such a big deal out of such banalities, but I'd just been generally stressed over the last few days, partly because of the upcoming exam period at my university and the arguments in my family. I was just hoping to spend a nice relaxing day with my boyfriend. But this happened instead.

"You really don't realize what the problem is, do you? Wooyoung, I just sat in this damn training room for 3 hours, nobody talked to me except Hongjoong, but he also only out of pity and you just said hello to me. You told me to come to your damn training. Shouldn't you at least try to pretend that I'm not totally annoying you and ignore me? I'm sorry, but if you don't want me to come and would rather have Lia at your training, don't invite me." A short silence followed my outburst, during which Wooyoung looked at me a little confused and surprised.

"Y/n I'm sorry. I was acting like an idiot." He said and a short silence followed. Then he started to grin

"You were jealous? Of Lia?" I stared at him.

I had just told him how I felt and he brushed it off with a small apology and a stupid comment? I laughed angrily for a second, I knew it was often his way of avoiding serious topics with jokes or silly comments but seriously?! Couldn't this man just stay put? I turned around and walked straight out of the building to my car, ignoring Wooyoung's shouts.

~

I closed the door of my appartment behind me, feeling empty and so stressed and upset at the same time. I was about to let the tears flow, but I controlled myself and walked to the kitchen without realizing it. I was really hungry and wanted to cook myself something to eat.

However, when I opened the larder and looked at the jumbled food, I was suddenly caught in a kind of trance.

Surely it wouldn't be so bad if I let out a little stress, would it? Slowly, I began to take all the food out of the cupboard and sort it in front of me. Starting with the ones that had the fewest calories to the ones with the most.

Now the tears were streaming down my cheeks. It was so satisfying to do this. To do what I used to frantically stop myself from doing. It was one of those tics that I had developed with my eating disorder. And yet even though it was satisfying in a way, I hated that I was doing it. I hated everything but especially myself.

Just when I thought my eating disorder was getting better, of course, I had to mess it all up again. Deep down I knew it wasn't my fault, but the part of me that was part of my eating disorder and had just taken over my mind was trying to convince me otherwise. I knew that this other healthy part of me was crying out for help.

My whole body shook as I reached for my mobile phone and called Wooyoung. My friend answered the call as soon as it rang. Everything in me hurt and I was stabbed by the pain inside when I heard his voice say "Hi y/n are you ok?". My whole body was aching and I just cried and sobbed.

"Y/n what's wrong?!" I tried to speak. I really tried but I couldn't do it. I just cried, hugged my mobile phone to me and slumped down on the floor amongst all the food.

"I'll be there in ten minutes!" I then heard him say to the others that he needed to check on me and soon after the sound of a car starting up.

"Y/n please try to talk to me. I'm worried about you. What happened?" I took a few deep breaths and then let out a shaky voice:

"I wanted to cook myself something to eat…" then I started crying and sobbing again.

If you thought about it rationally, it wouldn't be so bad. I'd often had setbacks like this but with my therapist, I always got everything under control with a little patience. But I just wasn't feeling well, I had been stressed in general and Woo's behavior had given me the final push towards a breakdown. And so I just sat here on the phone and cried. Just letting all the emotions that had built up over the last few months run free.

Then I heard my front door open and quick footsteps approaching the kitchen. I laughed bitterly as the tears continued to stream from my eyes. Woo knew exactly that I was sitting in the kitchen, he had been present too often during my "fits". Each time they started in the kitchen. Oh, how I hated that room.

The door opened and I looked up at Wooyoung with my tear-stained face.

"Ok one thing's for sure I'm definitely never letting you cook ever again." He said, which brought a shaky smile to my lips. But then my boyfriend looked at me worriedly, surveyed the chaos in the kitchen, and finally knelt down to me.

He locked me in a warm and secure hug and gently stroked my hair. We didn't need words. Everything that had made me angry with my boyfriend was forgotten. I clung to his body and the tears slowly dried up.

Wooyoung carefully picked me up and carried me into the living room. Then he snuggled up next to me on the sofa. We just kept quiet for a while. Wooyoung knew that I needed some time to calm down and I got it. When he realized that I was feeling better again, he asked

"You're hungry, aren't you? Are you ready to eat again? How do you feel about pizza?" I laughed lightly and wiped the last tear from my cheek.

"I'll try," I replied cautiously. Wooyoung nodded and started to order the pizza on his mobile phone.

I grabbed the remote control. I sleepily zapped through the channels, looking for something that looked interesting enough to make me forget about all the other things buzzing around in my head.

"I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have acted like an idiot and given you more attention. After all, I'm usually the first one to whinge if you don't listen to me for a second. I don't even know why I was in such a stupid mood. I just blanked you out somehow. I don't think I thought about your feelings enough. I was just being totally selfish. Sorry. And just so you know, I don't even really like Lia. I was just really grateful for the coffee. I really needed it at that moment." He poked me lightly in the side with his last sentences. I smiled slightly at him.

"It's ok, don't worry about it." I replied.

"Says the right one. Isn't it mrs i'm always worried" He laughed. I pretended to hit him on the back of his head and Wooyoung Dramaqueen as Always immediately started pretending to be super hurt and crying fake. I laughed and Wooyoung retaliated by starting to tickle me. But I was thankfully saved by the food delivery girl who rang the doorbell at that moment and made Wooyoung jump up and run to the door.

When he came back from the door, he had two pizza boxes in his hand and a big grin on his face. Woo handed me the box with my pizza and started eating right next to me. I took my time. Woo, who somehow managed to hug me despite the food, calmed me down.

And even though I only managed to eat a slice of my own pizza while he was eating his whole pizza, I was proud of myself for managing it. I often hid away after such a setback and stopped eating. But my boyfriend helped me with his mere presence.

We both knew that he wouldn't miraculously 'cure' me or save me from my own problems and that wasn't my or his claim. He helped me just by being with me, holding my hand, and giving me the motivation to keep fighting. But the rest was up to me, it was my fight and I would win it no matter how many times I had to start all over again - I would make it! We both knew that.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for reminding a friend to keep the promise he made to me?

Everyone I've asked so far has had really weird knee-jerk reactions but I think it's probably just because they don't know me super well. I'm pretty sure I'm being reasonable but hey, best to double-check, right? (And sorry if this is long, but boy do I have a LOT of ground to cover!)

Anyway... I (??M) am a ghost, and a bunch of people recently moved into the place I'd been (un)living in, and then about half a year later all of them were suddenly able to see me. They're all really chaotic people, so a lot happened between them pretty quickly and I wasn't able to fully catch everything that went down before I became visible to them. This is to say -- I don't know why my friend (??M) decided he wanted to have the grand prize for his claw machine game be a no-strings-attached favor from him, I just know he did that.

I eventually got the grand prize (technically someone else won it first and it was a whole thing, but we're even now) and met up with my friend to talk about it. Basically, I told him I wasn't going to call in that favor unless there was something I really needed him to do, and otherwise we'd be fine to keep being friends as usual. He seemed a little unsettled (I guess my nervous laugh kind of freaks people out?) but said he understood.

Fast-forward a couple months later, and there's this whole... situation. Extremely short version: I need a bunch of diamonds to restore my memories from before I died, the queen keeps stealing precious materials because she's possessed, and my friend wanted to use the diamonds in her hoard to do an exorcism. I pulled him aside and asked if I could call in the favor and get him to give me those diamonds for something really important, and he flat-out refused. Even though this was technically getting into strings-attached territory, I respect him a lot, so I settled for asking him to get me the diamonds after we'd done the ritual.

Anyway, we do the exorcism and it goes great, and I nudge my friend and ask him if he can help me grab the diamonds now, and he says "no, let's go out to eat first." Honestly I probably should've just stopped him right there, but I was really hungry at the time so I agreed. Everyone went out to eat, but after a while I started getting antsy and ducked outside to ask my friend to help me go get the diamonds like we'd agreed on. We headed out to the ritual site and uh oh! A mutual friend (?M) of ours apparently had a relapse in his kleptomania, because all of a sudden all the diamonds are gone, something that wouldn't have been a problem if my friend had just listened to me and gotten them right after the ritual!

A lot happened that night (specifically, the apocalypse -- long story, everyone's mostly okay now) and everyone sort of lost contact with each other for a few months before finally reconnecting. I notice my friend is avoiding me, but I figured he just needed some space or something and waited for him to come visit me. He did (I actually showed him the new house I'd gotten) and we chatted for a bit before I got tired of dancing around the issue and asked him if he was still going to keep his word -- and y'all, he just leaves. Doesn't even explain anything, he just turns around and leaves.

I figure, okay, maybe he just remembered something else he needed to do, but it's been several weeks now and every time I ask him if we're still going to work on the thing I asked him for or at least ask him for something different, he insists that I'm "holding it over his head" and he's "going to follow through, just not right now" and it is getting really frustrating. I asked him for something, I even compromised on that thing despite the fact that I technically didn't have to, and now apparently I'm the bad guy just because he's being a flake!

Also I think he might be planning a coup and/or my murder. AITA?

[enthusiasticharry]

𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 | 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 10.5k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: fifth chapter! again, this has taken so long but work (again) has been kicking my arse but i finally have finished it and it's ready for you. this chapter starts off so cute but ends a little less cute (i'm sorry in advance) and i would love to hear all of your thoughts and opinions so pls come and chat to me about it!!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, talk of rehab, drug overdose and slight relapse, harry being a cutie and an annoying fucking journalist who messes everything up.

𝐩𝐥𝐬 𝐤𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟒 here

Los Angeles, Summer 1974

“We don’t need a bridge in every song, YN,” Harry sighs, his fingers coming to rest on the bridge of his nose.

“I know that Harry, but I’m just saying that this one could,” YN sighs, pacing up and down in the small studio room that had become their second home over the past few months.

The problem that YN and Harry encountered very quickly as they began writing was that they were both very good at their craft and very opinionated people when it came to writing songs. This, therefore, meant that every so there would be a tiff between them every so often about one thing or another. They were easily rectified though, an argument, a conversation and then makeup sex in a corner of the studio that they had found in a prior one of their tiffs.

“But why? We could easily do a third verse and then go straight back into the chorus,” Harry had his hand over his eyes at this point. He was tired, they both were, and they were both getting more and more stressed as the days went on.

YN sighed and walked over to him. Without even thinking she pulled his hands away from his eyes and dropped down on his lap, placing his hands on her waist so that she could see him. She ran her fingers down the side of his face, the man below her immediately relaxing into her touch.

“Hey,” YN dropped both of her palms down onto his cheeks, mainly to make him look at her but also because she likes the feeling of his stubble beneath her palms, “It’s okay, we can take a break.”

Harry sighed and shook his head, pouting slightly as he did so, “We both know we don’t have time for a break.”

YN shook her head with a roll of her eyes, “We can take a break if we want to take a break.”

“I just want to finish this song today,” He leans forward so that his head is resting on her chest, and so that he can wrap his arms tighter around her, “If we finish this today then we’ll be in front before the journalist comes tomorrow.”

YN sighs and drops her own head on top of Harry’s. She had completely forgotten that tomorrow would be the day that their safe space would be infiltrated by the press. They had been asked and warned about when the Rolling Stone journalist would be coming to do the piece on Harry tomorrow, but YN just forgot that it would be so soon – they were still in their bubble.

“Okay,” She clambers off Harry’s lap, starting to pace up and down the room, with her finger resting on her lip, “I’m thinking.”

Harry leaned back on the sofa, running his hand through his hair before placing his arm on the back of the sofa. Whilst YN paced, his eyes never left her. He was in complete awe of her. Just seeing her do her magic in her head, working on music with him. He wanted to see this every day for the rest of his life.

“How about we go back to the chorus, yeah?” YN says, arms open in front of her as she finally stops pacing, “So we’ve just finished lower and slower Give me all of your love give me something to dream about, how about we go back to Living in a Daydream/ Living in a daydream, but drums and bass kick in, and it’s louder.”

Harry closes his eyes and shakes his head before standing up, his face beaming a grin as he wraps his arms around her, hoisting her up so that her legs were around his waist.

“Baby you’re a fucking genius,” He leans forward to place kisses all over her face and lips, causing her to giggle, “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”

YN’s lips parted in shock, and she tapped Harry on the chest lightly, wrapping her arms around his neck. It didn’t take long for YN to place her lips on Harry’s, her fingers tugging on the curls at the nape of his neck.

“You know,” YN mutters against his lips, pulling away slightly before they got too carried away, “We’re going to have to be on our best behaviour when the journalist arrives tomorrow.”

“Uh,” Harry pulls away, pursing his lips, “I don’t know what this ‘we’ is, I think it’s you that will have to be on your best behaviour.”

YN shakes her head, “Says the man that can’t keep his hands off me.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” He shakes his head, “I am perfectly able to keep my hands off you.”

YN wasn’t expecting to have a near-death experience today but when Harry let go of her, allowing her to fall down a little bit before he grabbed her again. She stared at him with wide eyes whilst he beamed with laughter looking down at her. Unwrapping her legs from him, she forced his hands off her so that she was standing on solid ground again.

“Not cool,” She blew out air from her lips, “So not cool, and after I’ve just helped you with your song as well.”

“No, baby, come on,” He stalks after her as she makes her way towards the sofa again, “Don’t be mad, baby.”

Without a single hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her, spinning her around so that she could fall on the sofa on her back, and he could hover above her.

“I’m not mad,” She shook her head, allowing her fingers to wrap around his curls again, “Because you have just proven my point exactly.”

“What can I say?” He shrugs, his eyes never leaving hers, “I’m obsessed with you, and I can’t be away from you.”

Without a single hesitation, YN leant forward and placed her lips on his. It had been a few months since that night in the camper when their relationship had really solidified into what it was today. Every time YN saw the camper sitting in Harry’s driveway her stomach twisted. Even though time had passed, and they had made an abundance more memories since that day, it was still one of her favourites.

There were other things that always felt too good to be true when she was with Harry, and how playful he had been with her a few moments ago was one of them. The fact that he used the word obsessed to talk about her, has her stomach twisting and her head up in the clouds.

“What do you say to one more secret rendezvous before we have to be professional musicians,” YN mumbles against his lips, her hands coming to rest on the collar of his shirt, fingers itching towards the button.

Harry beamed another grin at her, “I like the way you’re thinking, but we’ll have to be quick. Jeff’s coming by later.”

“We can be quick,” She shrugs, moving her hands down to where his shirt was tucked into his trousers, “Or Jeff can get an eyeful of your ass… again.”

“YN, we have to find at least one song that I can get some horns in, or I just won’t speak to you ever again,” Harry shrugs as they walk through the door of the studio.

YN can’t help but roll her eyes at how dramatic Harry is. They were hand in hand, walking into the studio that they had booked for God knows how long, their perspective guitars in their free hands. It was currently nine in the morning, and the two of them had woken up at seven-thirty so by YN’s calculations that means that she had been listening to Harry go on and on for an hour and a half already about these fucking horns.

The door had just slammed behind them when YN stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Harry, “It’s nine in the morning, I haven’t had my coffee and cigarette yet and I can’t listen to one more word about these fucking horns. If you don’t mention them for the rest of the day, I will give you anything you want.”

“Anything?” Harry raises his eyebrow at that.

“Anything.” YN was at her wit's end.

Harry contemplates for a second before nodding and holding his hand out for her, “Deal.”

“Thank fuck.”

A clearing of a throat shook them out of the little conversation that they had going on. They both turned to see Jeff and a man that they didn’t recognise standing in the middle of the room, obviously in their own conversation before they were interrupted by their little squabble.

“Harry, YN, this is Christopher Thomas,” Jeff introduced the two of them to the stranger in the room. Both of them dropped each other’s hand to shake Christopher’s, “He’s the Stones’ writer that’s going to be spending the week with the two of you.”

“Oh,” Christopher speaks up, “We’re only writing the article about Harry.”

“I know that. We all know that” YN’s the first to speak up, “But I’m part of the furniture here now.”

“Oh, cool,” YN had a slight suspicion that he didn’t quite understand, but he would soon, “Well, just pretend that I’m not here, and I’ll just butt in if I have any questions.”

“Perfect,” and with that, YN immediately sprang into action.

Harry had many different versions of YN that he enjoyed – but studio and writing YN were always his favourites. It’s when Harry truly saw YN and everything that sparked joy in her. The way she was constantly bopping her head, tapping her finger when she had a melody in her head or even the way she chewed the end of her pencil when a lyric was trapped, and she needed that little bit of willpower to get it out.

The first item on the list today was to record the vocals for Daydreaming which was the song that they had finished last night and shown to Jeff. Luckily, they had finished their more X-rated activity before Jeff had arrived, meaning that he hadn’t had an eyeful of Harry’s ass again which was a plus in their book.

Whilst Harry was recording, YN usually sat in the recording booth with Keith, the producer, and usually scribbled down ideas for her own songs, and made comments here and there about something that Harry was doing that she thought he could change.

The band had recorded their parts last night when they had sorted it out, with Harry singing just to keep the timing but today was when they are properly recording. Every time they write and record a new song for Harry’s album, she says it's her favourite. That hadn’t changed for this one, but it was just so fun that YN truly did love it.

Harry was talking to Keith in between takes, and YN was scribbling some lyrics down in her book that had been circling in her head when she could feel some eyes boring into the side of her. She looked first through her peripheral vision to see Christopher sitting to the side of her and then looked at him to see that he was looking directly at her.

“Can I help you?” She asked, her eyes wide as she asked.

“So, you and Harry have written all of the songs together so far?” YN loved the press; YN loved the press.

“Pretty much,” She nods, with a small smile on her features, “He’d have an idea and I’d help flush it out, or vice versa. But every song we worked on together.”

“What about you? Have you both worked on songs for your album? That is assuming that you’re making one.” He asked. The pen and paper were making her uncomfortable now, especially with his scrawl that was the loudest thing she’d ever heard it seemed.

“A few,” She shrugged, tapping her own pen to her paper now, “But I don’t have a deadline, and Harry does.”

He seemed happy with that response and stopped the questions for now. Harry had started singing again and instead, she could smile, and watch as he sang his heart out and made her proud. There was just something about the two of them in a studio together, doing what they loved that just couldn’t be any better.

It was a place where they could grow as people, and as musicians and had also truly helped their relationship grow in the space that they had been there. Now it seemed as though the studio was also the place for a week and a week only, as well as any other events they may go to that week. It was one week.

It didn’t take long for Harry to finish recording Daydreaming, and once he had he was ready for his initial questioning about the album by Christopher. YN had taken this time to lounge on the sofa, with her guitar and start to strum out some of the melodies to the lyrics that she had written in her book. In all honesty, she didn’t want it to seem as though she was eavesdropping, but she totally was.

“Uh, YN,” YN perked up at the sound of Betty, the studio’s receptionist sticking her head through the door, “There’s a call on the line for you.”

“Thank you, Betty,” She smiled, placing the guitar on the sofa. She walked past Harry as she made her way towards the door, running her hand across his shoulders as she did.

Once YN was at the phone, she picked it up and placed it to her ear, “This is YN.”

“Babes,” Just by that first word she knew that it was Vivienne, “I know that you’re with the Stones’ journalist right now and I’m sorry for interrupting but –”

“Woah, slow down Viv,” YN laughed, slightly shocked by how quickly Vivienne was speaking, “Slow down, I can’t tell a single word you’re saying.”

“Sorry, babes,” Vivienne sighs, taking a deep breath before starting again, “You know the band that I photographed up in Malibu last week?”

“Yeah,” YN laughed, “You’ve only just stopped going on and on about how dreamy their bassist is.”

“Well,” Vivienne started, “I got a call from that same bassist today and they’re having a party in the Hills that they’ve invited us to.”

“What?” YN laughed, “They just phoned to invite both me and you to this party?”

“No, no,” YN would bet money that Vivienne was shaking her head right now, “They’ve invited me, and they’ve invited you and Harry by association because I can’t do it without you, and you and Harry are attached by the hip.”

“Well, currently I and Harry are attached by the hip also to a Stones’ journalist, but I’ll see if we can shake him off,” YN laughs, which Vivienne joins in, “Where is it?”

“In the Hills, tonight. I have the address but not on me,” Vivienne speaks over the receiver, and then there’s some crackling.

“Don’t worry about it babe, we’ll meet you at the apartment later,” YN speaks, fishing out her cigarettes from her pocket as she does so, “I’ll drive you since I won’t be drinking.”

“I love you so much, babe,” Vivienne beams through the receiver, “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t worry about it,” YN laughs, “Now I have to get back, I’ve left Harry with Christopher and I dread to think what they’re currently talking about.”

“Okay babe, see you later.”

Even though YN was slightly nervous by the fact that she had just agreed to go to a party in the Hills, her first one since she had gotten clean, she was doing this for Vivienne, and she just had to remember that. She wasn’t going to be on her own because Harry and Vivienne were going to be there for her.

YN lit her cigarette and sighed – it was time to go break the news to Harry and also save him from Christopher.

“Do you think the denim dress or the floral one?”

YN and Harry were currently lounging on the sofa in YN and Vivienne’s apartment, with front-row tickets to their very own fashion show courtesy of Vivienne. So far, they had seen about five outfits, and they had finally whittled it down to two options. Harry was sitting nursing a beer as YN lounged on him, her legs extended across the sofa and her full attention on making sure that Vivienne felt her best, and also didn’t have a breakdown.

“Well, what look are you going for?” YN asked, a cigarette dangling from her finger as she pointed a Vivienne, “Sexy and mysterious, or cute and fun?”

“I don’t know,” Vivienne’s entire face dropped, “I don’t know what look I’m going for. Do I need to have a look that I’m going for?”

“Vivienne, you’re panicking,” YN jolts up, moving towards her friend, “Just breathe, okay? You don’t need a look. Just wear what you feel best in.”

“Okay,” Vivienne nods, picking up the denim dress, “The denim.”

“The denim, okay,” YN smiles and hands her friend a half-smoked cigarette, “Now, finish that and get your ass ready or we’re going to be late.”

Vivienne nodded, the cigarette now resting between her lips and made her way back into her room. YN sighed and dropped down next to Harry again, resting her head on his lap.

Harry laughed and shook his head, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Vivienne not cool, calm and collected.”

YN nodded, “It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does you just have to be firm and almost tell her what to do.”

“Noted,” Harry dropped his hand down so that he could lace his fingers through YN’s, “Is there any particular reason that she isn’t cool, calm and collected today?”

YN smiled, “The party whose band it is she photographed the other week.”

“The one in Malibu?” Harry asked and YN nodded, “Didn’t she go on and on about how nice their bassist was for this entire week.”

YN’s eyes widened as she looked at Harry, a cheeky grin on her face as she did. She had never seen Vivienne like this before in her life.

“She has a crush, baby,” YN laughs, placing a chaste kiss on his lips, “And we’re going to be playing wingman and wing-woman today.”

“Are we, baby?” He nudged her with his shoulder and YN rolled her eyes.

“Yes, we are,” She prodded him on the shoulder, causing him to pull away from her slightly, “I’ve never known Vivienne to have a crush on anyone, so this is a big deal.”

“I know it is baby, but we’ll just watch from the sidelines,” He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer, “We’ll make sure that he’s good enough for our Viv, and then leave them be. We’re not going to meddle.”

YN sighed with a pout on her lips, “That’s no fun, but okay I guess.”

YN’s little pout on her face but that quickly disappeared when he started to dance his finger along her cheekbone. It was so soft and so light that YN almost giggled, but she suppressed it with a bite of her lip.

“Are you sure you’re going to be, okay?” He asked, not breaking eye contact with her the entire time.

“Yes, Harry,” She beamed up at him, “I’m going to be all right because you’re going to be with me the entire night, right?”

“Right,” He leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips, which YN smiled into, “And Christopher.”

“And Christopher,” She laughed with a roll of her eyes.

When YN had mentioned to Harry earlier in the day about the party, she had forgotten about the listening ears that were also there. Christopher thought that joining them at a party in the Hills would be the perfect opportunity to see Harry outside of the studio and see what he was like in his daily life – as though he wouldn’t be exactly the same.

“Come on, lovebirds,” They pulled apart from each other at the sound of Vivienne, all dressed to perfection standing in front of them and sounding a hundred times less stressed than she did earlier, “We’re already late and we’ll never make it if you two start fucking on the sofa.”

YN shot up and threw daggers at her friend, “That was one time, Vivienne!”

“One time too many,” Vivienne picked up the car keys from the table by the door and threw them at YN, “Now come on.”

As YN wouldn’t be drinking tonight, she was going to drive the three of them to the party. The last time that YN went to a party in the Hills she was so out of it that she couldn’t remember what she did when she got there, never mind how she got back. This time was going to be different. This time she was going to have so much fun, and she wouldn’t be having a drop of alcohol or hit of any drug.

Harry was sitting next to YN, his hand resting on her thigh as they drove through the Hills, singing along to whatever song was playing over the stereo. Vivienne was sat in the back, her eyes focused straight ahead. YN wanted to ask if she was okay, but she knew better when Vivienne was nervous about something. There were only a few times in the years that YN had known Vivienne that she had ever seen her in this mood, and the last time that she had spoken to her she ended up with her head being snapped off.

When they arrived at the house, the party was already in full swing. Music could be heard from all the way down the street, and people were lingering everywhere it seemed. Vivienne rushed out of the care before Harry and YN could ever call her back. YN shook her head at her friend’s antics and allowed her hand to slip into Harry’s as they made their way inside.

YN had slightly forgotten what parties in the Hills were like. The mass amounts of bodies enclosed in a house, drinking and dancing to the thumping music, as well as people doing God-only-knows-what in each corner of the room, as well as the garden. YN would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little bit nervous, but just the feeling of Harry’s hand in hers meant that she was okay.

“I’m going to get us a drink,” Harry spoke in her ear once they had made their way inside, “Go find Vivienne, and I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay,” YN nodded, holding onto Harry’s hand until the very last second.

Standing in the corner of the room where Harry had left her, she scanned the room for any sign of Vivienne. She wasn’t in the room, so she moved to the doors that gave her a view of the garden and that was when she saw Vivienne, standing talking to a girl with the biggest smile on her face that YN had ever seen.

It was all starting to make sense now. All of those times that YN saw Vivienne talking to men but then it would never go any further, the fact that Vivienne hardly ever had people around to the house at all. Just seeing Vivienne standing there, talking to that girl with a beaming smile on her face almost made YN tear up a little bit.

“Hey,” Harry was soon standing next to her again, passing her an open bottle of cola whilst he held a beer in his hand, “You found Vivienne?”

“Over there,” YN motioned in Vivienne’s direction with her glass, a sombre expression on her face.

Harry lifted his beer up to his lips, “Who’s that she’s with?”

“The bassist, I think,” YN tapped her manicured nail against the bottle she was holding, “I just want to know why she didn’t tell me.”

“Hey,” Harry wrapped his arm around YN, sensing the slight drop in her mood, “She probably didn’t know what it was herself. She was probably scared, scared at what she was feeling and scared of how you’d react.”

YN nodded, wrapping an arm around herself as she did, “I never wanted to make her feel as though she couldn’t tell me.”

“Hey,” Harry turned her slightly so that she was looking directly at him, “It probably wasn’t you, yeah? You didn’t do anything that made her feel as though she couldn’t tell you, it was probably that she had to come to terms with it herself before she told anyone.”

“Yeah,” YN nodded, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, “You’re probably right.”

“I know I’m right,” He nudged her with his shoulder, and YN didn’t even hesitate to roll her eyes at his antics, “Now come on, we’re going to mingle, make sure Viv’s okay and then go home and do what I was promised earlier.”

YN’s features screwed up, “I don’t remember promising you anything earlier.”

“Uh, I remember very specifically that you did,” He nodded, his eyebrows furrowing as he did, “If I stopped talking about horns, which I did.”

YN rolled her eyes but still leaned into Harry, not hesitating to lean forward and place a kiss on his lips. Their idle chatter buzzed out until they were just watching the party unfold around them, that was until a man that YN had never seen before in her life stopped in front of Harry.

“Hey, man!” Harry seemed to know who he was though, and he pulled away from YN slightly to give him a very ‘dude’ handshake.

“I haven’t seen you in ages, man,” Harry smiled as he pulled away, “Is Eric here too?”

“Yeah, man, he’s in the kitchen. Wanna come say hi?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute,” The man walked off, but Harry turned to YN, “Do you wanna come?”

“No, go say hi to your friend,” She smiles, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek, “I’ll go find Vivienne.”

“Okay, baby,” He pressed another chaste kiss to her lips, “I’ll be quick, I promise.”

YN stood there, and she did think about going to see Vivienne, but she didn’t want to intrude. She was happy and stood watching her friend dance with a person whom she obviously cared about in some way. She was well and truly happy, and then she saw a familiar figure in her peripheral vision (once again) that YN had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at.

“Hi, YN,” Christopher smiled at her, at a party and yet still holding that stupid notebook and pen.

“Hi Christopher,” She beamed instead, “Harry’s inside if you’re looking for him.”

“I’m looking for you actually,” That caused YN’s eyebrows to raise in confusion.

“Okay,” She laughed, leaning one hand onto the table she was standing near, “Fire away.”

“I spoke to my editor today, about you being in the studio and we’ve decided that I’m also going to write a page piece on you as well,” Christopher explains, and YN has to widen her eyes just to make sure that she doesn’t show too much of an expression on it, “About your return to music, after your disappearance halfway through Harry’s tour two years ago, and how the two of you are now together.”

YN’s entire demeanour changed when he explained what he wanted to write about. The original excitement that Rolling Stones wanted to write a piece on her, to then hear it has to be about a time of her life that she wanted to forget more than anything.

“Are you sure you’re up to that?” She asked with a shrug, tapping her finger along the rim of the glass in her hand again, “I mean you must have your hands full with Harry’s.”

“No, it’s completely fine,” He shrugged, “So let’s hear it. Why did you cancel your opening for Harry halfway through the tour all those years ago?”

“Uh,” YN spoke, quickly followed by a nervous laugh, “I was ill. I had to cancel to get better.”

“So, it was nothing to do with the reports of you overdosing in a hotel in Cleveland?”

YN felt as though her entire body was on fire. YN didn’t even know that the press had access to that information. In all honesty, she thought that Kenneth had covered it up in a way that meant nobody knew about it. But then again, she hadn’t been around the press and journalists enough to know if anything had got out.

“That… it isn’t…” YN placed her glass bottle on the table and moved away from him slightly, “Excuse me.”

YN didn’t know what to do. All she knew is that she had to find Harry, or she might do something that she might forget.

YN was standing in the kitchen of her and Vivienne’s flat, only dressed in one of Harry’s shirts and a pair of socks to shield her feet from the cold wooden floors. She had woken up this morning for the first time ever after a party from the night before with a completely clear head, and she was happy. The first thing she did, with her little radio playing a Carole King song, was make her and Harry a cup of coffee. He was currently in her bed, still asleep and she knew that when she woke him up a warm cup of coffee would be something to soften the blow a little bit.

Her hips were swaying to the melody of the song, a hum escaping her lips. She was in her own little world, in the best mood and ready for another day in the studio with Harry (minus the ever-lovely Christopher still being there) – if she could successfully rouse him from the bed.

“Hi.”

“Fucking shit,” YN all but jumped out of her skin at the sound of an unfamiliar voice just behind her.

YN turned to see that it was a familiar person though, the girl that Vivienne had been talking to the entire night. The bassist from the band whose party it was, dressed in Vivienne’s dressing gown after what YN can only guess was a very eventful night.

YN and Harry had left the party shortly after YN’s conversation with Christopher (which she failed to mention to Harry). They did only leave when they had confirmation from Vivienne that she would be okay and manage to get a lift home. They knew she would be okay, and in all honesty, they knew so many people at that party that YN felt okay leaving Vivienne, and she also didn’t want to interrupt the good night that Vivienne was having – which is why she had this conversation when Vivienne was on her own and her guest had gone to replenish their drinks.

“Sorry for scaring ya’,” The accent was a shock to YN, especially the southern drawl, but everything was a shock to YN about this experience, “You must be YN, right?”

“Right,” YN nodded, placing the coffee that was in her hand down for fear of spillage again, “And you are…?”

“Pamela,” The girl outstretched her hand for YN to shake which she did, “I’ve heard a lot about you, from Vivienne.”

“You too,” YN answered honestly, “There was a time, about a week ago, when you were every other word that came out of Vivienne’s mouth.”

The girl laughed and there was a slight pause in the awkwardness that was spinning between them. YN didn’t really know the etiquette for something like this, as she wasn’t normally the first person up in the apartment and made a mental note to apologise to Vivienne for every time, she had done this to her.

“I hope it was all good things,” YN laughs with a nod, “Anyway, I was told I could find some coffee somewhere in here.”

YN nods and points to the pot, “I’ve just made some, help yourself. There are mugs in the cupboard above.”

“Thank you,” Pamela made her way into the kitchen to the coffee pot whilst YN picked up her two mugs.

“It was nice meeting you,” YN laughed, “I’m sure it’s not the last time we’ll see each other.”

Pamela nodded and YN took that as her opportunity to beeline straight back into her room. Her eyes were wide when she walked in, mainly from that entire interaction and also the fact that Harry was staring at her with furrowed eyebrows as she walked in.

“What’s that face for?” He laughed, accepting the cup of coffee from her as she made her way over to the bed, and crawled on, immediately resting her head on his shoulder.

“I just had a lovely conversation,” YN sighed, resting her cup of coffee against her chest, “With Pamela.”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at her, “And who is Pamela?”

“The bassist from the band,” YN smiled, “Viv obviously had a very eventful night last night.”

Harry laughed and rested his head upon hers, “Just like us then.”

YN laughed and whacked him on the shoulder. Even though Harry did annoy her, she wouldn’t dispute that with his constant teasing, it did make the constant butterflies in her stomach erupt. That was a feeling that she would never get over, and she never wanted it to end.

Even though they had never truly spoken about what they were, they didn’t need to. For the first time in YN’s life, she was so unbearably happy that nothing else mattered to her – not one thing. It was almost as though even though they hadn’t spoken about it, the two of them knew that this was it for them. They were each other’s person, and the mere thought of that made her so happy.

“I’m sure we’ll talk about it when she’s ready,” YN sighed, picking at a loose threat at the end of Harry’s shirt, “I don’t want to push her to do something she’s not ready for, but at the same time I want to know everything.”

“She’ll come to you when she’s ready,” Harry muttered, taking a sip of his coffee. He was right, once again but she didn’t want to admit it.

“I know, I know,” YN nods, her eyes focusing on her shirt rather than Harry, “I don’t want to push her into doing something she isn’t ready for, but bringing her home must mean something, Harry.”

“It does,” YN can feel him nod against her head, “If she didn’t trust you, she wouldn’t have done that. That sort of thing is a big step.”

YN nodded, allowing his words to just resonate with her for a minute or two. Harry was right, as he had been throughout so much. YN knew that it wasn’t the case that Vivienne didn’t trust her, but it was more of the fact that Vivienne had been living with this secret, which no doubt wasn’t easy and didn’t think that YN would want to hear any of it. That was also when YN realised that she hadn’t helped with that, because even though YN had been present in person in those previous years – she wasn’t ever truly present.

“Sometimes,” YN started, mumbling slightly so that she and Harry were the only ones that could hear even though they were the only ones in the room, “I think back about what I was like before I went to rehab, and I wish that I could take the entire thing back.”

“I get that,” He sighs, wrapping an arm around her and bringing her closer, “But if that hadn’t happened to you, and you hadn’t pushed past that – you wouldn’t be the person you are today. The one that’s here with me, and the one that can now be here for Vivienne when she needs you.”

YN did start to cry, just silent tears that streamed down her cheeks. Maybe it was everything with Vivienne, or maybe it was everything that had been brought back to her last night due to that one conversation that she had with Christopher. Harry noticed immediately, placed his coffee cup down and grabbed hers to do the same, and just pulled her into his chest. He just let her cry.

YN hadn’t felt this way in a long time. Obviously, she had good days, and she had bad days when dealing with the guilt of what she had put her loved ones through but recently she had been having more good days than bad. One of the things that she appreciated more than anything was that she had Harry there with her, through the good and the bad.

“I’m sorry,” She pulled away from his chest, chuckling slightly at the sight, “I got your shirt a bit wet.”

Harry shrugged, “It’ll dry.”

He lifted his hands up and wiped under her eyes, ridding all of the tears that had collected there, “I’m probably really snotty.”

“You are,” Harry grimaced, reaching over a grabbing a tissue for her so she could wipe her nose, “I love you in all states, but snotty definitely isn’t my favourite.”

YN was in the middle of wiping her nose and she stopped dead in her tracks, the tissue hovering over her nose. Harry looked sheepish, like he had been caught and immediately retracted his eyes away from her face.

“You love me?”

Harry chuckled, leaning back against the headboard, and running a hand through his hair, “Isn’t that obvious?”

“But you love me enough to say it out loud?”

It was completely baffling to YN. The feeling of the person you love, loving you back is something of a dream. YN couldn’t pinpoint exactly when she fell in love with Harry, but it definitely consolidated when she saw him standing by that camper the day that he picked her up from rehab. There were many things that turned her feelings for him into love, but the fact that he not only bought her a fucking camper but drove it all the way to pick her up and take her back home was something she’ll never forget that he did.

“I’ve always loved you enough to say it out loud,” He shrugged, finally looking back up at her, “I was just looking for the perfect opportunity, and also the balls to say it.”

YN laughed, “And you chose that perfect opportunity and also had the balls when I was snotty?”

“You’re perfect to me,” He ran his finger along her cheek, “Even if the snot isn’t the sexiest.”

“I love you.”

Once she had muttered those words, it was as though all of the pieces just fit together and Harry’s face beamed, “You do?”

YN nodded, “I do, a lot actually.”

Without a single hesitation in his body, Harry leaned forward and placed his lips on hers. She had thankfully rid of the tissue before he lunged at her, even if she wasn’t ready for his attack. Every kiss that she and Harry shared meant everything to her, but this one had a fire and a passion behind it that YN had never felt before in her life. It was just filled with passion, lust, and acceptance and the biggest one of them all, love.

It didn’t take long before YN’s body was dropping back on the bed, Harry’s fitting perfectly between her legs on top of her. Her hands clawed against his back as if she was trying to somehow bring him even closer to her (it wasn’t humanly possible).

Harry pulled away, mainly to allow them to catch their breath and rested his forehead on hers, “I love you.”

YN beamed a smile at him, “I love you.”

Then his lips were back on hers, pulling her body upwards slightly so he had a better angle to unbutton her shirt (his shirt) that she was wearing. It didn’t take long, and by the end, he was so impatient that he just ripped it open. He started to push the shirt down her shoulders, pressing kisses along her cheek and down her neck until he reached her collarbone, gently nipping the skin with his teeth.

Harry pushed away from her body just as he pulled the material down her arms, her chest completely exposed to him. Before, YN was in such a rush that the idea of someone stopping just to look at her would have spiralled her completely out of control, but with Harry it only made her desire for him grow. It did also help that he looked like a kid in a candy store every time he saw her tits.

“So perfect,” He started his attack of kisses again, moving down her collarbone to her chest until he was in between her breasts. He placed kisses all around them, not missing an inch of skin before taking her left nipple in his mouth, nipping, and sucking with the perfect pressure that had her thighs clenching and her body withering. He didn’t leave the second one alone either and moved to the right and gave it all the same attention.

YN was growing impatient, and when he finally pulled away from her chest, she grabbed the shirt that he had on his body and pulled it over his head, leaving his own torso exposed to her. She ran her hands over his arms, and then his pecs and all the way down his stomach until it landed on the trail of hair that led into his boxers.

“Woah, woah,” He pulled away from her lips and grasped her face in his hands, “What’s the rush for? We have all the time in the world, baby.”

“I know,” She nodded, placing a chaste kiss on her lips, “But if I don’t feel you inside of me soon, I fear I may actually combust.”

Harry laughed at her words and allowed her to push his boxers down, freeing his already hard cock for her. In a quick movement, Harry was pushed down on the bed, and YN was pulling the boxers off his body and throwing them somewhere in the room. Placing a kiss on his hip as she moved her way back up to him, she pulled her own panties down and off her body so that she was completely exposed to him.

With a gentle hand, she wrapped her fingers around his cock, allowing her thumb to run over the tip which had him bucking his hips up to meet her hand. Harry’s head rolled back, but his eyes never left hers. YN couldn’t hide the grin that ran over her face, just from knowing the effect that she had on him.

“You ready, baby?” She grinned, moving so that her body was straddling his, her pussy perfectly aligned with his cock.

Harry nodded, dropping his head to his shoulder, “Always ready for you, baby.”

After running his cock up and down a few times, allowing the feeling of it on her clit to send a shudder down her body she finally sunk onto him, allowing herself to slowly work him in fully into her. Her face relaxed in pleasure as she finally took him all the way, his hands resting on her hips to help her with the movements.

YN rested her hands on the headboard behind Harry, using it as a way to keep herself steady as she started to rock her hips on his cock. YN’s head rested above Harry’s, her eyes clamped shut and her mouth open slightly as breathy moans escaped her lips. Harry’s grip moved from her hips to her ass, helping her with movement as it all started to get a little much for her.

“YN, baby, open your eyes,” Harry’s words drew her out of the slight daze that she was in, “Look at me.”

She opened her eyes and looked down at him, the beautiful man beaming up at her, “I love you.”

“I love you,” He only just managed to murmur the last word before her lips were on his.

Her body flushed against him, and she continued to rock her hips. Harry wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer to him if it was possible but still helped by lifting his own hips up to meet hers.

In all of her life, YN had never felt such an emotional and yet physical closeness to anyone. There had never been any relationships in her life apart from this one, and whilst it was all so new there was no fear for her at all because Harry was with her, and he was experiencing all of these things with her at the exact same time.

“I’m close,” YN mumbled against Harry’s lips, her eyes closed, and lips parted as more moans left them.

Without a single hesitation, Harry moved one of his hands between them and started to circle her clit with the pad of his thumb. It was the one thing that YN needed to send her over the edge, her movements stilling, and her legs beginning to shake and quiver. Harry continued his movements, bringing her through her own climax until he himself went over the edge, spilling into her.

It was feeling; unlike anything YN had ever felt before because it was just laced with such love that she almost couldn’t handle it. She ended up dropping down on Harry, her body sweaty and spent, and her breathing erratic.

“Jesus Christ,” YN laughed into Harry’s neck, where she was comfortably resting her head, “You’re going to have to give me a few minutes after that.”

Harry laughed and pulled her tighter against his chest, “You do wonders for my ego, you know that?”

YN, even in her sleepy state, managed to roll her eyes at him, “Shut up. It takes two to tango.”

With a chuckle shared between them, and the softest kiss that YN had ever been given in her life – she knew this was it for her.

“Harry,” YN mumbled, her pointer and middle finger resting on her lips as she watched him press some buttons with Keith, “I think this is the one.”

Harry stops pressing whatever buttons and turns to look at YN, “What?”

“This is the one.”

They had been working on this album for a few months now, and YN was ready to finish it in all honesty. It wasn’t that she didn’t love working with Harry because she loved it more than anything. But YN was ready to get her own album done, the second album that she and Harry had been doing bits of pieces of whilst writing his.

“You’ve got to give me something, YN,” Harry laughs, walking over to her and sitting on the table in front of her, “This is the one what?”

“The one where you can use your horns,” YN passed the notebook that she had in her hand to Harry, the one with his scribbles on it.

Harry takes the notebook from her and reads through the pages. YN could see he had no idea what she was talking about at first, but once he saw her vision it would all make sense.

“Just think, okay?” She leant forward and placed her hands on his knees, “It’s ‘cause I love you babe/ In every kind of way/ Just a little taste/ Know I love you babe/ horns start ba, ba, ba, ba, ba/ You know I love you babe/ more horns.”

YN was humming the rhythm, or what she knew of it and that’s when she saw it click in Harry’s head. His eyes widened, and he was bobbing his head along to her words. He lifted his head up from the paper, looked at her and beamed that boyish fucking smile that lit up her whole world.

“Baby,” He threw the notebook to the side, leaning forward so that she had to lean back, “You’re a fucking genius.”

YN squealed, laughing as Harry tipped her backwards so that she was lying on the sofa, and he was hovering above her. They both knew that there were other people in the room, but in all honesty, they had probably all seen them in worst states than this – minus Christopher.

“Harry, stop it,” YN laughed, whacking him on the shoulder as he started to peck kisses all down her neck and collarbone, “Harry, stop.”

“No, I’m so fucking happy right now,” He laughed, finally moving off her and sitting down on the sofa beside her, resting his arm on the back of it so she could slip comfortably into his arms, “You got me my fucking horns.”

“You got yourself your fucking horns,” She laughed, taking the hand that was rested on her shoulder in hers, threading their fingers, “I just figured out where you were going to put them.”

“I knew there was a reason that I kept you around,” He laughed, leaning over to light up a cigarette.

YN shook her head and tapped him on the chest lightly, but she happily accepted the lit cigarette to take a puff from him.

“You keep me around for more than just your fucking horns,” YN shook her head, passing him back the cigarette.

Harry laughed, “There’s more than one horn that you satisfy, baby.”

YN’s lips parted in shock and her cheeks flushed. She looked around the studio to see if the engineers, or Christopher, had heard what she said but they were all talking amongst themselves and doing their own thing, paying absolutely no attention to either of them on the sofa.

She tapped him lightly on the chest again, but she didn’t move. She just allowed herself to rest in his arms, cigarette smoke dancing between them. It was times like these, where they were basically sat in silence with each other that YN truly fell in love with him all over again.

“Okay, baby,” Harry lifted YN up lightly so that he could slip from under her, “I need to take a piss.”

“Don’t be too long,” YN pouted, accepting his half-smoked cigarette before watching him walk away. YN sat up and grabbed the notebook again, going through it again a few times in her head.

Everything was perfectly fine until she felt the sofa dip at the other end. It was Christopher, of course. YN smiled at him but focused more on the notebook.

“You two certainly seem as though you’re in love,” He muttered, lighting his own cigarette as he did so.

“We are,” YN nodded, messing with a loose thread on the end of her shorts, “We are very much in love.”

“You do know what it looks like though, right?” He continues to ask, YN’s eyes furrowing which was an indication that she didn’t know, “You, getting up on stage with him, doing a song with him, opening for him and now it comes out that you’re sleeping with him – people are going to talk.”

“People always fucking talk,” YN shrugs, “Whether or not they talk the truth is another fucking question.”

“But people are going to speculate,” Christopher shrugs, “That you’ve fucked your way all the way to the top, used everything that Harry has given to you in love to reap the benefits for your career.”

“So, this is how it is, yeah?” YN sits forward, resting her elbows on her knees, “You wanna know about Harry’s music, and when the next tour is, and what inspired every song and for me I get, are you a fucking addict and are you sleeping with Harry to use him? Are you fucking serious?”

“I’m only asking what everyone else will be thinking,” Christopher states, his face just as calm as it was before.

“Well fuck you for asking,” And with that she stands up, throwing the notebook on the table and storming out of the room.

As she leaves, she spots Harry talking to another one of the producers outside. His conversation immediately holts when he spots her, and he’s excusing himself to walk over to her.

“Hey, hey what’s wrong?” He asks, placing his hand on her cheek but she shakes him off.

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong,” She shakes her head, knowing that she cannot lie for shit but also that Harry can always tell when something isn’t right with her, “I’m, uh, going to go for a drive.”

“Want me to come with you?” He asks but she shakes her head, leaning forward to place a kiss on his cheek.

“No, no,” She fakes a smile, “You go back in there, you’re so close to finishing.”

“Okay,” He nods, leaving his hand on her until the very last second.

All she knew is that she needed to get the fuck out of there – and she needed a drink.

YN doesn’t know what possessed her to think it was a good idea to drive to the liquor store, or what possessed her to think it was a good idea to go inside and buy a bottle of whisky but here she was. It was then that she drove to the beach, parked up and made her way to the sand.

At this point, she hadn’t drunk any of it. It was just there, in front of her staring at her. This was the worst low that she has had since leaving rehab, and the main issue is that her main support system, Harry, wasn’t here. YN’s almost positive that if she told him what Christopher had been saying that he’d be supportive of her, and he wouldn’t believe all of the bullshit that he was saying.

There was just that one part of her, that one fucking part that believed that he would believe the prick, and that would be it. She would lose him over some fucking bullshit from a fucking journalist that didn’t know shit about her or him or their relationship.

When the temperature dropped, and YN realised that she had been sitting on the beach for a few hours she made her way back to the car, the bottle of whisky still clutched in her hand. In the car, she placed the bottle in the glove box beneath papers so that nobody could see it at first glance. She hadn’t had any though, that was for certain.

She drove home, and this time to her and Vivienne’s apartment and not to Harry’s house. She couldn’t see him right now. She just needed a break and a night with Vivienne if the girl was there. When she walked inside, she dropped her keys on the table and kicked her shoes off, smiling when she heard the sound of humming from the kitchen and the smell of something good.

“Viv!” She called, making her way towards the sound, “Is that you?”

“It is!” Vivienne called back, smiling when YN walked through the door, “And I have Ed’s.”

“Oooh,” YN exclaimed as she leaned against the counter, a big smile crossing her face, a true smile, for the first time in a few hours.

Ed’s diner was so close to their apartment that it was one of the places where they had really grown as friends. It was twenty-four hours, and that meant when they stumbled home from a night on the strip in the early hours of the morning, Ed’s was always there and waiting for them.

“Did you get me the chicken?” YN asks, walking over to the cupboard and grabbing two glasses – one that she filled with wine for Vivienne and sweet tea that she filled for herself.

Vivienne turns to look at YN, completely flabbergasted that the girl would even ask such a question, “Did I get you the chicken? I pray those words didn’t just come out of your mouth.”

YN looks at her deadpan and then raises one of her eyebrows, “Did you?”

“Of course, I fucking did! I know what your favourite is!”

YN laughs and carries the drinks towards the sofa, Vivienne bringing the food. It didn’t take long for both of them to start tucking in once they were seated, a comfortable silence washing between them apart from the sound of the stereo playing.

“So,” Vivienne starts, wiping some sauce from the corner of her mouth, “Harry phoned.”

“He did?” YN raises one of her eyebrows, her eyes not lifting to meet hers.

“He did,” Vivienne repeats, her own eyebrows raising, “Says you walked out of the studio today, and didn’t come back.”

“So, what if I did?” YN shrugs, “It’s not like I have to fucking be there.”

“YN,” Vivienne starts, placing her food down so that she could turn towards the girl without the fear of knocking it, “This isn’t like you, what happened? Was it Harry?”

“No, it wasn’t Harry he’s –” YN shook her head, not wanting to cry, “He’s fine, it’s nothing Vivienne I promise.”

“Okay,” She finally nods, “But when you’re ready to talk, you know I’m here.”

YN smiles at her friend, “Thank you.”

“Anyway, we need to be celebrating tonight anyway,” Vivienne starts, “Because I’ve landed myself a pretty fucking good gig.”

“And what’s that?”

“Pamela, and her band, have asked me to come on tour with them,” Vivienne beams, “As their photographer."

YN beams a smile at her friend, so happy for her, "And as her girlfriend I imagine.”

It was Vivienne’s turn to act sheepish. She was obviously completely enamoured by this new relationship, and YN was happy to just have a change of subject. She didn’t want to burden Vivienne whilst she was so happy, and that was why YN decided that she would just be there for her friend.

“That as well.”

“I’m so happy for you Viv,” YN reaches over and grabs her friend's hand, “I’ve never seen you so happy.”

“Yeah,” Vivienne smiled, gripping YN’s hand just as tight, “Fucking look at us babe, taking the world by storm.”

“YN,” It was Jeff that called her attention from across the studio, “I have something for you.”

“What is it?” YN furrowed her eyebrows.

“It’s from Christopher, addressed to you,” Jeff passes her the envelope, and she thanks him.

It had been a week since that prick had left, and none of them had spoken anything about him since he’d gone. In fact, none of them had said anything about what had happened when YN had stormed out, not even Harry, and she was thankful for that. In all honesty, though, they had been busy. Today was their last day in the studio (hopefully) as Harry’s album was basically finished. It had been a long time coming but she was thankful because now she could move onto her album and truly get herself back into the thing she loved again.

YN dropped down on the sofa and opened the manila folder, a cigarette dangling from her lips as she did so. She took the sheet of paper out of it, and her head started to ring as she read it.

YN YLN: The Rise from Her Fall by Christopher Thomas

YN YLN rose to fame and in what seemed to be a snap of her fingers it was all gone – that is until now.

For those who don’t know, YN YLN found her fame after being brought onto the stage by Rock N’ Roll legend Harry Styles during one of his gigs on the strip, here in L.A. Back then she was just the daughter of a Senator and a Socialite in Los Angeles, in the public eye but not really.  From there, they recorded a song together and YLN even opened for him on his tour – that was until she cancelled halfway through.

When I asked YLN about this at a party in the Hills, she described the reason for her disappearance as an ‘illness,’, and yet when I asked again, recounting the knowledge of her apparent overdose – YLN stormed off without a word. Whilst we don’t know the true reason for her leaving, illness or overdose, fans have been waiting for her return and that time is upon them.

Walking into the studio for what I assumed to be my first day with interviewee Styles, I was greeted by YLN as well. They explained that not only were the two an item, but they had been writing their prospective records together for the past few months. A shock to me, but to everyone around they looked like a well-oiled machine.

Writing an album, as intimate as that is with anyone, must have been something to those two-singer songwriters with their budding romance. When Harry had an idea, YN would help flush it out and vice versa. For each song on each of their albums, just always have it in your mind that they wrote it together – it changes your entire perspective.

After what could only be described as a very romance-heavy conversation about horns, I questioned YLN about the public opinion surrounding her relationship with Harry. How, to the public eye, it looks as though this ‘romance’ that has blossomed might have all been an ingenious plan to help further her career.

I was on the receiving end of an outburst from YLN at this point that I can neither confirm nor deny these rumours, but with the information that YLN not only left the studio but didn’t return for the rest of the day – your own opinion can be forged from this information.

One thing I will say is that when Styles’ album comes out, and subsequently YLN’s – fans and not will be in for the ride of their lives.

YN couldn’t read any more of it. She wanted to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time. Instead, she screwed up the manila folder and the envelope and shoved it down on the sofa, her hands coming to thread through her hair.

YN didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know whether to talk to Harry and maybe he would talk to Jeff and get the article pulled, or maybe if she spoke to Kenneth then he’d be able to get it pulled. YN didn’t know what to do in all honesty.

She looked up at Harry, standing at the desk with the producer, bouncing along as they played the final mix for Music for a Sushi Restaurant which was the song that Harry finally got his horns on. He looked so happy. So, so fucking happy and YN couldn’t do this to him. He wrapped his arm around Keith, and whilst both of them were distracted she slipped out of the room.

YN didn’t cry, and she didn’t scream instead she just kept her eyes facing straight ahead and walked straight out of the studio doors. She walked over to her car, opened the glove box, and grabbed the bottle.

And this time, she did drink.

[getosugurugirlfriend]

could you do tae takemi with a reader that struggles with self harm please

Tae Takumi x self harming! reader

a/n: Hello anon, I was really rushing to get your request through and I hope it will help you through these things, just know you aren’t alone and you should reach out, when you don’t have anyone you can also chat with me :(. I am also someone that struggles with self harm, so don’t feel alone about it.

I tried making her from a doctor perspective/ friend, because I didn’t know how to write her in this case as a gf? I’m sorry

tw: self harming behavior, a brief mention of disordered eating, depression

I will proofread this tomorrow.

masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

☆ She will definitely know, she is a doctor. She will see right through you. When you tried hiding it from her, there was basically no chance of succeeding.

☆ When she first saw it she didn’t know how to react, she was conflicted about it, yes, you were her friend, but she didn’t really know how to comfort you and tried approaching you in a doctor perspective, as to not make you feel bad about yourself.

☆ Yes, she saw a lot of things as a doctor, even self harm scars. She knew how they looked and what to do, if they are fresh. She will treat them, while handling them she didn’t really talk at first, she was thinking about how to approach this situation first, to not make you feel worse about yourself.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

When she noticed that she hadn’t see you in a while, she got worried and went straight to your apartment, she knew about your mental health struggles, but she didn’t know that it got worse again.

As she arrived, there were no lights on, but she had the feeling you were at home, so she just hoped for you to come out and open the door for her.

She rang the bell and as she heard on the other side that there were footsteps, she was relieved at first, but then she saw you, basically a shell of yourself.

When she saw the state you were in, she got really worried, the eye bags, the paleness of your face, everything looked so dull.

As you let her in you went to the couch to sit down as you begun to talk she interrupted you with: “y/n what happened to you?”, you knew you couldn’t hide it from her for long, you didn’t have anyone else to talk to, she was your only friend, so you tried opening up to her. Due to the fact she knew how to take care of illnesses, it was a lot easier for you to talk about your struggles.

“Tae, you know how I talked to you about my depression?”

“Yes, y/n what about it?”

You sighed but continued anyways, “…I begun to relapse on self harm again.”

You got worried, as she didn’t react at first, she was keeping her calmness, but deep down you knew that she was shocked.

As she collected her thoughts again she begun talking, “Ok, I understand, did you eat today and when was the last time you took a shower?”

“No I didn’t, I felt too drained and tired, I showered the last time last week.”

“Ok, go showering and I will be preparing you something small to eat, we will talk about this, after you have showered okay?” She gave you a reassuring smile.

As you were done showering she already was done with making something that she knew you would enjoy.

You were both eating in silence, you tried finishing your plate, to have something in your system again after not eating for a day.

Tae saw that you were done with your plate for now, so she got up and took the plates to wash them, she knew that you couldn’t do it for now, so she tried helping you as best as she can.

She broke the silence again, “…Y/n is it okay if I see the scars? I want to make sure they are healing the way they should be healing”, when she was done explaining she tried to give her the best smile that she could do. You both were heading to your bedroom, so you could relax, while she treated you.

You were at this point really exhausted, so you didn’t really replied to it verbally, you just hummed at her.

She tried making it fast, so you won’t be getting to upset about it. “Y/n do you want me to stay over?”, she anxiously asked you, after she was done bandaging the wounds.

You nodded, you were on the verge of tears, as she saw this, she pushed you into her embrace so you can cry it out. She felt that you were beginning to become quiet and sleepy, then she knew you fell asleep from exhaustion, she still hugged you, but already made plans what to do for now, she also had planned that she will clean up your place, so you don’t have to worry about that.

“Sleep well, y/n.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

banner: reverieresources (tumblr)

[scorpiontattoo]

very much ed and weight talk tw sorry chat

love when our parents yell at us for gaining weight, say that it's visually obvious, and that we're uglier now and I can't shake off the urge to fucking relapse and just. I'm fuckin overwhelmed I'm supposed to help with this but right now I just wanna rip our skin off and go back to st/rving like hell even though I'm literally supposed to prevent that. we were doing so good why does this have to happen now.

[femmefatalevibe]

hi love, please, help me, ASAP if you can

until a few weeks ago I was in touch with a boy, after which, due to various reasons, for my own good, I decided not to answer him anymore . and now after a few days without receiving my answer he wrote to me "if you didn't feel like talking just say it". I know that maybe I was wrong in this, but I really didn't feel like talking to him because I would have relapsed like every time, so I preferred not to answer him anymore . now I don't know, should I answer "if you didn't feel like talking, just say it"? and if so, what would be the best answer?

Hi love. I would take accountability here, and just say something along the lines of "Life got in the way. I'm sorry for the way I handled this by ghosting you instead of being upfront with not wanting to continue chatting. Wishing you all of the best." If he continues the conversation after that, feel free to block him with no regrets.

Close this chapter with some class without forgetting to put yourself first.

Hope this helps xx

[tetsunabouquet]

Basic Instinct Chapter 21

A/N: Some angst from Reader-Chan's side as she talks with Akashi's grandma, so heads up! You know the associated warnings at this point. Masterpost

After dinner, Akashi's grandmother had invited you to the drawing room, so the two of you could have a chat about your mother. A topic that always left you feeling sick with anxiety. You didn't knew how she was respond, what she would do. Having been used to an unstable life, you were always extremely hypervigilant about the topic, and you could feel the tension between your shoulder blades. You sat down in front of her, trying not to feel like you were going to throw up. "There is no need to look so frightened, I will not do anything against your will. Seijuro tells me your mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, and from what I've heard about it I can imagine your mother to be quite controlling. That is not my intention and I will not cross any of your boundaries. It's safe." There was something about her saying it was safe that triggered you as you could feel the burning sensation of tears in your eyes. You didn't want to cry in front of Akashi's grandmother without even having said a word about it, you didn't want to break down so easily. You didn't want to seem weak. "Yes, that is true." You managed to say, holding back your tears. "My mom has BPD." Rima nodded calmly, "Has she ever received psychiatric help before?" You inhaled, "Yeah. When she was pregnant she thought it was important, so she could become a better mom." "And did she stop thinking it was important?" You bit your lip as tears leaked from your eyes. You nodded, being unable to respond in words. "When did she stop therapy?" "When I was small, s-she relapsed wh-when I was about n-nine," you hiccuped. Rima looked at you, and couldn't help but feel sorry, for you had lost the mother that you knew at such a tender age. 'She was even younger than Sei-Chan when Shiori passed away. It must be such a painful loss'. "Where's your father?" "On a bussines trip overseas, he is most of the ti-time. I feel like he's just t-trying to escape her." You looked like such an unloved child, it broke Rima's heart in a maternal way. "Does your mother at least take some medication?" You shook your head, as more tears rolled down your face. "Now, I'll see to it what I can do, but I do need to know the grounds of which I can operate. You don't seem to be hiding any bruises, but what about emotional abuse, neglect?" You gritted your teeth. "When she's mad at me, she'll c-call me names and say mean s-stuff." You wiped your face with your sleeve. "L-like," you took a deep breath, trying to say the following sentences without hiccuping over your words, "I'm a parasite that suck away her happiness." Whilst you got the sentence out, the words triggered a new wave of tears, and Rima stood up so she could come over and hold you close. You cried in the elderly lady's warm arms, as she patted the back of your head. "It's alright, it must be so hard for you. Does she take proper care of your needs?" You shook your head. "For a couple of yea-years now she ref-refuses to cook dinner when she d-doesn't feel like it. For e-example." Rima sighed, and she continued patting your head. After a while, when you started calming down, she said, "How about you meet up with Seijuro before going to bed. You should allow yourself to be loved." Your lips trembled, but you did as she said after thanking her.

And thus you rested your head against Seijuro's shoulder. The two of you were allowed to hang out in his new bedroom, and you were curled up against him, using his bed as an improvised couch as he had been going through a photo album of his mom's childhood whilst you had been talking with his grandmother. You looked at the album, but you didn't really see it. Your mind was in a distant place, the softness of the matrass, silk sheets and Akashi's hand that was rubbing soft, comforting circles on your back was soothing you and you were too emotionally exhausted not to give in and space out. "You know, you should go to sleep and take some care of yourself. I'll be here, in the same house as you for the next couple of days. We'll enjoy ourselves plenty tomorrow, okay?" You looked at him and he kissed your forehead. Smiling lazily, you said, "It really was nice to see you before going to bed." "Perhaps someday we'll be sleeping in the same bed, and you can relax as you listen to me breathe." Akashi teased. "You shouldn't let your grandmother hear that!" You giggled and got off the bed. "Can't wait for that day though, goodnight." "Goodnight my love."

[panicroomsammy]

hi <3 for the question game: 9, 11, 29

9. What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

Being accepted to law school! I got into my dream school (literally since I was in middle school) and I start in the fall!

11. What were your highs and lows for this last month?

Oh the highs have been so high and the lows have been so low lol.

Highs: two road trips, learning very important history at work and being besties with my boss, chatting with mutuals on tumblr, getting to talk about lots of big social science concepts

Lows: third ED relapse within one year and general mental health spiral and exhaustion

29. Favorite song lyric right now?

“Constantly repenting for a difficult mind” from Stay Down by boygenius (ocd lyric of all time)

“I’d give my body to satan if I could only keep my soul / but I can’t seem to find the split between them anymore” from Angels of Porn II by Nicole Dollanganger (my number one lyric ever)

“What’s so wrong about what’s wrong with me?” from …well better than the alternative by Will Wood (samcore)

Thank you for the ask and sorry that all of this is intense lol I have never been calm about anything in my life

Ask game

[iltrpls]

Hi!! I came across with your AO3 account this year, and you became my fav writer there. My all time fav are your buddie trapped under water and the 5 stages of grief fics. Like that is some Shonda level of angst and i can't get enoughof it. I lost count of how many times ive read them

Ive also seen your tweet that you are accepting anonymous fic requests here on tumblr.. so here it is

Its a fic continuation of the 5 stages of grief, where instead of Eddie meeting a Shannon doppelganger, he met a Buck one and his grief relapsed kinda..

Set 2 years after Buck's death, this is how the fic starts (just for example, you can totally not use this..)

Chim and Maddie invited the team to karaoke for their wedding anniversary and everybody goes out with them..

Most of them got tipsy including Eddie. He is on the bar alone clearly missing someone, he got friendly with the female bartender and they chatted for a bit about buck and then suddenly her brother shows up to give her something (a key to their apartment or something) and then when Eddie looks up and its Buck. (Like maybe a punk Buck, instead of birthmark it was piercing maybe?) Eddie froze and when the doppelganger opened the door to leave, Eddie came running after him shouting Buck's name swaying. Then Hen and Ravi saw him and followed Eddie outside then saw a drunk Eddie hugging the doppelganger while crying (the lookalike is a nice person). Buck lookalike was like "Is this your friend?" And Ravi was like "holy shit"

Sooo what do you think.. i remember reading that you dont want to revisit this fic so sorry.. i totally understand if you're not interested in any of this, just your thoughts on this will be more than enough. But if you decided to write it, i already know it will be good..

Hope you have a good day!!

okay, first of all, thank you ????? i’m really glad you enjoy my work, it’s really nice to hear this ❤️

Listen, the 5 stages of grief is by far the hardest fic i’ve ever worked on. I’m not opposed to reopen this universe again and work this fic, because it is really interesting and would be crazy opportunity to write some more angst.

I’m still somehow on the fence about it, but i will heavily consider it!

thank you ❤️✨

[bexsi]

Hi chat sorry I've been inactive I forced myself into recovery and by recovery I mean b1nging like a pig!!!!! Im literally struggling so hard not to relapse again but its getting so hard