#sorry I made this very he asked for no pickles core

[jjjjabberwocky]

switch in my body that flips whenever it gets hot out and I start drawing amulet fanart like I’m a depressed sixth grader again

[dsireland86]

Hi! I'm this anon "God i can't stop picturing Matt as a dad or literally any of the boys i have really bad baby fever right now."

And in all honesty i will take whatever you are willing to give me or have time to write

Anonymous.... I'm sorry this took so long. Hope this makes up for all the time waiting

🤰🩷🫄💙👨‍🍼🩷👩‍🍼💙👶🩷👶💙👶🩷👶

Baby Fever

@philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @theanarchymuse95 @thisbicc @lma1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @thefallenangel @fadingintothegrey  @an0mallly @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @mrsnoahsebastian

Each one is different, yet the same. Both dad and baby are made up of the same D.N.A, but somehow, they manage to become two entirely different personalities.

Dad Matt/Little Critter:

He's extremely protective of his mama bear. From the very first moment he saw the two little blue lines on the pregnancy test, Matt went into hard core protective mode. For the first few weeks, he was seriously worried about your morning sickness. Every time that it happened, he was asking if the little critter was okay or if you needed to go to the hospital, completely stressed over the number of times you kept getting sick. Eventually, you convinced him that it was normal and he settled down.

The next few months, your belly got bigger, and at first, it didn't register with Matt that the baby could move in such a tight little space. But one night, while you were laying down in bed, watching "Gray's Anatomy" reruns, and he had his hand resting on your swollen belly, he felt the baby kick, and it blew his mind. It made him so happy that he spent the next hour in the family group chat telling the guys all about it.

When you and the baby got to thirty-six weeks, Matt was a panicked lunatic. He worried constantly, making sure you remembered the steps to your birth plan and how to breathe once labor started. He had everything you and your little critter needed packed and by the front door for when the time came. However, babies come when they want to come, which happened to be while you were at the grocery store, and your water broke. It wasn't long before the contractions started, twelve minutes apart at first. Matt rushed you to the car, completely abandoning the cat of groceries, and got you to the hospital as your contractions grew closer together.

Hours later, Matt held his newborn son in his arms. After watching you go through what you did, you had become his hero. You were officially the strongest and bravest person he knew. Matt gushed over your baby, in complete disbelief that the two of you had created something so perfect. After showing him off to the guys through copious amounts of texts and pictures, Matt climbed into the hospital bed with you that night, and with your son safely beside you, held you while you rested and recovered safely under his protection.

Dad Nicholas/Little Bean:

Nicholas is the laid-back soon to be dad. He was in the studio when you texted him to come home where he found you crying on the sofa with a positive pregnancy test in your hand. He knew you weren't upset about the baby, but rather just scared. Immediately taking it upon himself to be the strong one for the both of you, Nicholas booked an appointment for a mani/pedi session later that day.

Cravings, cravings, cravings... that is what Nick was the best at. Whatever you and little bean were craving, he made it, and if he couldn't make it, he went out and got it. At first, he didn't mind the semi-odd foods: vanilla ice cream with Doritos or pickle sandwiches, but when you started asking for things like chocolate chip cookies topped with baked beans or watermelon with hot sauce, Nicholas may or may not have gaged a little.

By the end of the pregnancy, you were beyond exhausted. Creating and carrying your little bean hadn't been an easy task. Nicholas knew this and made it a point to spoil you with foot rubs, massages, and warm bubble baths, joining you occasionally. He loved watching and feeling your belly as your baby moved from the feeling of the warm water or the sound of their daddy's voice. After getting out, Nicholas would dry you off because bending over was out of the question, helping you dress and walk you to the bed where you'd pass out almost immediately.

The birth was scary for you. Full of anxiety, when you went into labor, you almost had a panic attack because of how intense the contractions were. Nick got you to the hospital where your water broke just as soon as you made it inside the hospital. Forty-five minutes later, your beautiful newborn baby girl laid safely on your chest. Nicholas beamed with pride over his girls, praising you for how well both of you did. That night, as you slept soundly, Nicholas sat in the chair with your little bean safely asleep on his chest.

Dad Noah/ Little Angel:

Noah sat with you in the bathroom the morning you took the first pregnancy test. When the little plus sign appeared, all he could do at first was just silently stare at it. You caressed his face, telling him everything was going to be okay. You both had wanted a baby for a long time, and now the time had finally come. Noah believed you, gaining faith through your confidence, but it still didn't keep him from overthinking and over analyzing everything.

The day came to find out what you were having. You had asked Noah if he wanted to find out or keep it a secret until birth, but he was persistent about finding out. He said he needed a name to go with the little human you had created together. Sitting in the dimly lit room, the sound of your baby's heartbeat surrounded you. Its soft echo was music to Noah's ears based on the smile he was wearing. He looked at you, and you swear you saw years. After a few minutes of waiting, the nurse finally informed you that your baby was a little girl. You watched in absolute joy as a tear rolled down Noah's cheek while he tightly held your hand, staring up at the screen that showed him his little baby girl.

Singing, lots of singing, and music. The house was filled with it. From the day he found out you were having a little girl, Noah was singing to your belly constantly. Most of the time it was soft whispers of new lyrics or soft chords of the guitar when you were laying in bed together. His hand would lay gently on your bump, feeling the low thumps of your little angel's little heartbeat or the rapid kicks and movement when she recognized your voices. The connection to your baby that Noah already had was precious, making your heart skip beats after beats at knowing how great of a dad he was going to be.

The birth of your little angel wasn't ideal. She was breached, causing you to have a scheduled cesarean section in order to protect both of your lives. You were nervous, but Noah was beside himself. Every worry, every concern, every fear, he wore on his face, making your heart break for him. You assured Noah that everything would be fine, that he would be able to be with you and watch your baby girl make her grand entrance. On a rainy afternoon, your little angel arrived after a fifty minute surgery. Once in recovery, Noah cuddled up next to you very carefully, watching in awe as you nurse your baby girl. You fed her from your body like a pro, your mommy instincts already kicking in. Noah kissed your forehead as you rested against him, both of you gazing lovingly at your new precious gift.

Dad Folio/Little Fish:

Everyone knew the moment you and Folio got married that it was just a matter of time before he got you pregnant. Seven months later, the little plus sign appeared, making Folio howl in excitement. He was like a crazy person, picking you up and running with you through the house screaming about how much he loved you and couldn't believe he was going to be a dad. Nothing about the news frightened him. Folio had everything already planned out as far as taking the baby fishing and teaching him or her how to ride and play drums. Through all the crazy excitement, you were constantly having to remind Nick that the baby had to grow a little before teaching them all of that stuff. He understood, but it made you wonder the day he came home with a baby size Harley shirt and a fishing pole.

The sex wouldn't stop. Folio was all about how your bump grew and your body changed. It was a huge turn-on for him, watching the way your breasts swelled and your flat little tummy began to expand with the life of his child. He was constantly telling you how beautiful you looked, even though you felt like road kill from all the morning sickness. Because he was afraid of hurting you little fish, taking you from behind quickly became his favorite position unless you were on top. He loved watching you pleasure yourself on him while his hands rested on your swollen belly, rubbing it and feeling the life with move against his callused drummer hands.

Creating the nursery wasn't something you thought Folio would be into. When it came time to pick a theme, he wanted to choose it. After finding out that your little fish was a boy, Folio went crazy in picking out ten different themes. Thankfully, you were able to reel him in and eventually talk him down to two, finally settling on fish, of course. He did everything: painted the walls, hung the border, put together the crib and the changing table, and brought in the chest of drawers. Seeing him so committed to making you happy and making the life of his unborn child so comfortable made your heart swell with pride.

Unfortunately, Folio was late for the birth. After spending all day in the studio tracking drums, he got your call about going into labor. He left immediately, but thanks to traffic, was late getting to you. He walked in just as you were pushing, bursting into the happiest tears the second you saw him. He rushed over to you, kissed you, and encouraged you to listen to the doctor when she told you to push, holding your hand the entire time. Folio watched as your baby boy, your little fish, entered the world, even cutting the cord himself and placing the screaming little fella right on your chest. Instantly he stopped crying, and Folio watched as you held his child, comforting him as if you had known him your whole life.

Dad Jolly/Little Nugget:

Jolly knew you were pregnant before you did. Six weeks after your missed period, he told you that everything about you looked different; that you were glowing. Irritated, you told him you were just stressed because of how much he was driving you crazy (and not in a good way). But a small part of you knew he was right. One night he surprised you with a small gift bag with the words "please" written on it. Inside was a pregnancy test. Turns out, Jolly was right. After a doctor visit and an ultrasound, you found out together that you were eight and a half weeks pregnant.

The first six months were horrible. So much morning sickness, so much nerve pain, so much swelling and irritation. You were miserable. Jolly coddled you, never making you do anything you didn't feel like doing. You gained more weight than you wanted, which made you feel ugly and disgusting. Jolly, however, said you'd never looked more beautiful. He worshiped you and your little nugget, making sure you were mentally strong enough to continue this pregnancy to the end.

During the last month of the pregnancy you were put on bed rest due to a medical condition that was dangerous for you and the little nugget. You were beside yourself, your depression hitting you hard. But Jolly was there, loving you, holding you up, and making sure you knew how brave and strong you were and that everything was going to work out. Most days you stayed in bed, getting up to only use the bathroom, shower, eat and do some light walking. Jolly took complete time off from work, staying with you each and every day so that you were never alone. Each night, he'd lay next to you with his large hand gently caressing your belly. The little nugget would kick and move around, bringing you both hope that everything would be fine.

Jolly held your hand the moment the nurses rushed you into the emergency room. Your little nugget's head and umbilical cord were all over the place but in the right ones to produce a healthy delivery. You were crying, pleading for Jolly not to leave you, scared something horrible was going to happen. He spoke to you softly, promising everything was going to be fine. He was confident. Getting suited up quickly, Jolly made his way into surgery just as the doctor made your incisions, staying right by your side. He kissed and caressed your forehead, making sure his eyes never left yours and when you both heard the sound of your baby's cries, tears of relief and joy filled your eyes. Later on in recovery, you watched Jolly cradle your newborn daughter, rocking her lovingly and softly humming to her a Swedish lullaby.

[hansolmates]

hoshi; vowels and veracity (m)

summary: after a blind date that makes you feel like a giddy teenager all over again, you’re forced to grow up and take a chance when you realize that special someone is your daughter’s kindergarten teacher. pairing: teacher!soonyoung x single mother!reader genre/warnings: fluffity fluff nuggets, humor, a lil bit of angst when yn panics, *steve rogers voice* language! alcohol, unprotected sex (wrap the pickle before u tickle), face sitting w/c: 5.2k a/n: i really have nothing to say about this but i’ve been thinking about going back to school all week so this manifested. enjoy a lil sexy but sweet hosh💕 

“Y-you,” another giggle and the press of wet lips to the sensitive spot of your neck, “stop, Soonyoung! I’m ticklish there!” 

You feel a pout imprint itself in the sweet spot between your ear and your jaw, and you sigh at the rumble of his lips against your skin, “But you taste so sweet, baby,” he croons, and you’re practically melting between the door with how much Soonyoung has pressed himself against you, all of himself. 

“What if I don’t wanna stop, pretty girl?” he husks against your soft skin, whispering things in your ear that aren’t for the faint of heart. In your haste to keep a firm grip, one hand goes to his clothes and the other nips at the undercut of his midnight black hair, “what if I just open the door right now and we slip right in, and then I slip right in you?” 

Your breath hitches and suddenly your core feels like a timebomb, ready to combust. 

Go on a date, Joshua says. He’s a sweet guy, Joshua says. He’s a friend of Joshua’s, so you know going into this blind date that at the very least, he wasn’t a serial killer. But what Joshua failed to tell you going into this was how much Kwon Soonyoung packed and how much of a temptor in disguise he is. 

“I really would love to invite you in,” it looks like it pains Soonyoung to admit this, as he presses his forehead to yours and the edge of his fingers dig into your crushed emerald velvet number, “but tomorrow’s the first day of work and I am not emotionally prepared. But, I do want to see you again. I had a great time.” 

The previous mood melting into the night sky, you reluctantly let go of the lapels of his tweed blazer. Unable to suppress your crestfallen smile you nod, “That’s fine,” you reply, inching away from him to send him a pointed look, “I wouldn’t have gone inside anyway. I don’t put out on the first date,” you cross your arms in an attempt to feign nonchalance.  

Which isn’t a lie, although if Soonyoung had asked you two minutes ago to come inside for a cup of tea, you wouldn’t have argued. He is just that tempting. Said date raises an eyebrow in response, tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear at the defiance in your eyes. “Oh?” he echoes, “then what date do you put out?” 

“Date seven.” 

“Lucky seven,” he grins, “so if we go on a date every day this week by Friday we should be good to go. How do you feel about steak?” 

You slap his shoulder in his response, and the giggle that erupts from his lips in response has you feeling dizzy and giddy with excitement. Soonyoung has you feeling like a college freshman all over again, floating like Cloud 9 and drunk in anticipation. You peck one, two more kisses on his lips. He tastes like the peach champagne you shared and his own scent as he pulls you in for a much longer, much hotter kiss. 

“Good luck on your first day,” you mumble against his lips, vaguely remembering that he’s a teacher in a school nearby. 

“Mm, text me when you get home,” and with a final kiss to your forehead he unlocks his door, leaving you warm and full of heart-eyes on his front porch. 

The walk home, more like float home, has you feeling all parts exhausted and hopeful for the days to come. For the first time in a long time you feel young and unbridled, thrumming with excitement. Now you’re just playing with your phone, waiting to exchange goodnight texts. 

“Nari’s asleep,” when you walk into your shared apartment, you spot a sleepy Seungkwan on his laptop and sprawled across your couch. “How was it?” 

“It was reealllly nice,” you’re still a little wine tipsy, drunk on the taste of Merlot and a certain someone’s kisses, “he was really sweet, and surprisingly sexy.” 

“Did you get dicked down?” Seungkwan asks only the most important questions. 

You scoff, flopping down on the couch next to him, “As if, we have work in the morning.” 

“Speaking of work, are you sure you’re not able to drop off Nari to school tomorrow? It’s her first day of kindergarten.” 

“I can’t,” saying it feels absolutely awful, but a single mother has to work extra hard to keep her and her daughter happy. 

“It’s fine,” Seungkwan easily waves you off and runs a hand through his fluffy auburn hair, “her favorite Uncle is there, anyway.” 

“Hey,” you lightly punch his arm, “I’ve already talked Nari through it. I’m cooking a big breakfast tomorrow—chocolate chip pancakes, duh, and taking a million pictures before we have to part ways. I packed a little Kit-Kat for her lunch with a sweet note. When I come back in time for dinner I promised her pizza from her favorite parlor and she can tell me everything about her day.” 

“So, you’re bribing her with food.” 

“Sue me, it’s every parent’s weak spot.” 

Seungkwan stretches his arms, cradling you between his chest. You sigh into his clean linen scent, feeling sleepy. “Yeah, I’ve bribed her with my Switch once or twice,” he admits softly, eyes also drooping, “but you’re a great mother regardless. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything tomorrow.” 

“Thanks, Kwannie,” you sigh, feeling more at ease. 

Nari is the light of you and Seungkwan’s life. Five years ago, you promised yourself that if you were more than financially stable and still sick with baby fever, you would adopt. You didn’t want to find a romantic partner for the sole purpose of having a child, you could easily do that on your own. And that you did, you researched and visited foster homes off in the countryside. 

In a little town off the coast of the shore was where you met Nari, only six months old and full with cherub cheeks and eyes that sparkled like the moon and stars. You fell in love with her instantly. Fast forward five years later and she’s the reason you wake up every morning and work hard every day. Seungkwan being your best friend, also wanted rights as the godfather and therefore is also part of your perfect family picture. 

You and Seungkwan sleep warmly tonight, both excited to share yet another year of Nari’s milestones. 

“And then Mr. Kwon said I was an ‘ace’ with my vowels!” Nari has a string of cheese hanging from her chin, and you don’t bat an eye as you reach to pat it away with a napkin. 

“I wouldn’t expect any less, baby,” you coo, carding a hand through her hair so her bangs don’t get caught in her meal, “remember when mommy and Uncle Kwannie taught you the vowels this summer? We sang that song.” 

“Yes! I sang the same song and showed everyone how ‘ta do it,” your heart is swelling with pride, and you fight the urge to tear up because Seungkwan’s already showing signs of waterworks from his side of the table, “I read a book Mr. Kwon gave me today and he said he’s so impressed I read at a Level B.” 

You quirk your brows at the new jargon. You certainly don’t know what it means to be a Level B, but it makes Nari happy and that’s all that matters. Wiping the orange grease off her lips, you muse that you must get in contact with her teacher one of these days.

“What’s a Level B?” Seungkwan similarly looks stumped at the new vocabulary. 

“I don’t know!” Nari shrugs, but nevertheless her teacher’s attention has her glowing. 

You giggle, “I’m so happy for you, baby.” 

“I’m excited to go back tomorrow, I made a new friend! His name is Jeonghan and he helped me with my numbers today. He called my bows cute.” 

“Cute?” Seungkwan perks up from his stupor, “of course you’re cute, Nari. So cute that you’re too good for this Jeonghwan boy.” 

“Jeonghan, Uncle Kwannie,” she pouts when Seungkwan scoffs, in favor of shoving half a slice in his mouth. She turns to you, tugging on your blazer, “Mama, can I go watch TV now? I finished my homework and I wanna see the new Ladybug and Cat Noir!” 

“Of course,” you pull away her plate, gesturing for her to go to the living room. 

“Thank you mama,” and she’s bouncing off her seat, pushing her chair in and off to watch Miraculous Ladybug. 

You sigh, “They grow up so fast.” 

Seungkwan’s eyes widen at your age-old phrase, the words reminding him oddly of his parents when they used to talk down to him. “And here we are, aging twice as fast,” Seungkwan bemoans, already starting to feel the greasy food settle in his stomach. “We used to eat a whole pie! We could eat absolute garbage back in college and here I am weak at two slices—oh my god, am I having a ‘back in my day’ moment? We need to go out. I need to go out. I’ve been practicing consonants and vowels all day. I need a boyfriend,” he playfully narrows his eyes at you, “I need a boyfriend like yours, sweet and sexy.” 

“Sorry,” you stick out your tongue, “but he’s mine.” 

Perfect timing, Soonyoung’s name pops up on your phone. You two have been texting sporadically throughout the day, making plans for your next date. The two of you are going to watch a drive-in movie, a situation that screams teenage-back-of-the-truck-sex but the movie is a much anticipated favorite of yours and you genuinely want to watch it. 

Soonyoung is full of humor and laughs, getting you to smile and relax at the right times during work and always manages to keep you on your toes whenever he says something flirtatious. 

“Are you gonna introduce him to Nari?” 

You stop typing, and look up towards your beautiful little girl in the living room. Her hair is out of her pigtails, drooping tiredly like she is. Her cheek is pressed against her favorite plush cat, fighting for consciousness because she’s waiting for Marinette to save the day. Your heart swells with affection. 

“Dunno,” you shrug, trying not to think too hard about it, “we’re not that serious right now.” 

You’re absolutely winded. You finished work early today, due to the fact that came in early so you could clock out and pick Nari up from school. Despite the fact that Nari says it’s okay for you not to pick her up, you can’t allow it and you want to be the one who she runs into when she comes out the door. 

“Who do you think she’s gonna hug first?” Seungkwan’s elbowing you, baiting you. “Because this morning she gave me a hug and three kisses before I dropped her off.” 

“Three?” you seethe in annoyance, “three kisses is our thing! Two on the cheek and one on the forehead!” 

The two of you slowly steep together, waiting for the colorful blue door to the kindergarten area to file out. The heel of your shoes are digging into the grass, probably making a needle-like  indentation in the dirt as you struggle not to seep into the lawn. You feel like you’re going to flop on your heels, wishing you could go run back into the car and find your flip-flops from last month’s beach trip. But before you could debate on the run the bell rings, and you’re on livewire when you see the students start to file out. 

Your smile grows ten-fold when you see Nari’s jaw drop in surprise, seeing you waiting for her. She fists whatever is in her hands in surprise, breaking into the cutest smile as she screams, “mama!” 

And you’re ready to hold your arms out and throw her around in circles, until you see who follows right behind her. 

Kwon Soonyoung is Nari’s kindergarten teacher. Kwon Soonyoung with his hair down and untextured, wearing a mint polo and looking nothing like the date you had the other night. He looks absolutely soft and so, you are weak. 

Kwon Soonyoung, the sexy deviant who sends you questionable texts and sends you funny puppy videos, is staring right at you and utterly confused when Nari rams straight into your hip. 

Momentarily distracted, you pepper your pretty daughter in kisses (all three of them, two cheeks and one forehead) and tell her how much you’ve missed her. Clearly she doesn’t miss you as much, as she’s waving around a picture she drew during playtime, one of her and Jeonghan in the sandbox. 

“Really, Nari,” Seungkwan mutters under his breath, shamelessly vocalizing his opinion on a five-year old, “can’t you choose a different friend?” 

“Seungkwan!” you chide, but he pointedly annoys you when Nari finally enters Seungkwan’s embrace. He takes extra time to cuddle her, obviously jealous that another boy has taken refuge in your little Nari’s heart. 

The moment is so sweet and simple you have no choice but to revel in it and take out your phone to snap a photo. 

“Mama!” she pops her head off of Seungkwan’s shoulder, “come meet Mr. Kwon!”

And she’s tugging your hand, only you’re much stronger and you stay firmly planted on the grass. Heck, you even sacrifice your shoes by digging your heels in for extra measure.Your eyes widen in panic, but Nari doesn’t notice because she’s paving a path of dirt with her lime green light-up sneakers, trying to get you to move. You nearly forgot your latest tryst is your daughter’s teacher, and you never told him you have a kid. 

But within seconds, there’s an audible slam and the three of you are shattered from your bubble. Turning to the noise the heavy navy door is now locked shut, all the students dismissed for the day. The crowd is gone. Soonyoung is gone. 

Seungkwan’s eyes dart between the closed door and you, the pieces clicking. His mouth forms a little ‘o’ and he nods in understanding. “He thinks I’m your baby daddy.” 

The two of you point out each other like the Spiderman meme. “He thinks you’re my baby daddy,” you echo, horror marrying your face. 

“Mama? What’s a baby daddy?” 

“Shh, Nari—” he picks up Nari in one swoop, mouthing a go to you as he leads her to the car. 

All alone on the grass, you panic as you watch your family grow smaller and smaller as they enter the parking lot. Soonyoung’s just behind that door, right? Looking left and right to assure no one is going to think you’re being that parent and harassing the teacher within the first week of school, you bound up the steps to knock on the door. Your knocks clang heavily, echoing against the building. 

Ten seconds pass. Nothing. 

You deflate, pulling out your phone to shoot Soonyoung a quick text. 

You: hey, can you come out for a bit so i can explain? Please

A minute passes. He leaves you on read. Defeated, you slump against the door. This day is really a whirlwind on your mental state. All you wanted today was some extra time off work, Nari’s three kisses, and maybe a goodnight text from Soonyoung if you were lucky. 

The door suddenly flips open, and you’re braced against someone’s hands. 

“Whoa, you okay?”

Your face crumples in relief when it’s Soonyoung that’s come out to respond to you. He’s bracing your weight by holding your arms between his hands, although keeping a respectable distance between the upper half of your bodies. It makes you a little upset, but you understand. Once you’re stable, he lets you go and leans away from you.

“Why are you waiting out here?” he asks pointedly, looking at you up and down. You seem terribly overdressed in your coral pinstripe suit, mismatching with Soonyoung’s apple sauce stains. 

“Why do you think I’m waiting out here?”

“And if I close the door again?” he retorts suddenly. 

“Then I’ll follow you home.” 

A beat passes, whatever expression he conveys on his face is practiced and primed. You have a terrible time trying to decipher his blankness. Working with kids probably does that to an adult. “Come in,” he says neutrally, and you wordlessly follow him into his classroom. 

The room is decorated beautifully, with rainbows and glitter. It’s also surprisingly organized, all the crayons in place and the play area free of stray toys. Your eyes instantly search for Nari’s desk, and a small smile fits on your face as you trace her handmade name tag. 

“Normally, I don’t let parents in my room until it’s Back to School Night,” Soonyoung says, leaning against his desk. It makes you terribly nervous, knowing the ball is in your court and he’s waiting for you to make a move. His carefree, easy going nature is nowhere to be found, and all you see is walls and a mean poker face. He pulls up the sleeves of his polo, exposing pale, strong arms. Your mouth waters a little (you can’t help it!) and you immediately reach for a bottle of water in your purse. “So, what is it you have to say?” 

“Seungkwan’s not my baby daddy,” you blurt, and you immediately blanch when Soonyoung’s eyes widen. “Wow uh. I didn’t mean to say it like that.” 

“But you did say it like that,” Soonyoung replies slowly, “no child just doesn’t give three kisses to someone who isn’t their father.” 

“I only called him my baby daddy because he said it first,” you grumble, almost childishly, “and Nari’s a baby, of course she’s going to give three kisses to anyone that feeds her and coddles her.” 

“It sounds like an excuse.” 

“It sounds like I’m freaking out because you keep talking back and forth like this!” you cry, slapping your hands against your thigh. You don’t have to look in a mirror to know that you’re quickly getting annoyed, your face morphing into a shade of embarrassment. You can’t tell if this is amusing him or this is a real interrogation. “Let me explain, Soonyoung!” 

He says your name slowly, deliberately. And then, “do you want to take a break in the Calm Down Corner?” 

“The—the what?” Soonyoung’s eyes flicker to a corner at the far end of the room. The radiator is decorated in a sky blue wallpaper, and there’s a yoga mat on the floor. There are chairs next to a desk filled with coloring pages, decorated with fairy lights. Filling three of the chairs are various stuffed animals, a tiger, a cat, and a panda, all dressed as doctors. It’s a child’s therapy corner. “You gotta be kidding me.” 

He raises a brow, and—is that a smile on his lips? “Then explain, why are you here?” 

“Because I think I really like you,” you confess, frustration melting away to reveal the uneasy upturn on your lips. You lied when Seungkwan asked if you would ever consider introducing Soonyoung to Nari. In a different world, you would’ve loved to take the time to take Nari to the museum and introduce Soonyoung there. They’d definitely bond over their love for tigers. “Seungkwan is my best friend, and helps me take care of Nari. I adopted her five years ago.” 

Something softens in Soonyoung’s eyes, and the air feels much more relaxed. But his dark brows remain knit together, and he looks at you with confused eyes. “Then if you like me so much, why didn’t you tell me you had a daughter?”

“Because kids can be deal breakers,” you admit, and the colorful classroom feels smaller as you hug yourself. “I just, wanted you to like me first.” 

It’s the primary reason why it’s taken you so long to date. Sure, there’d be a fling here and there, but nothing that feels as tangible as Soonyoung is. You’re not old enough to find a partner that wouldn’t blink at the sign of children, yet you’re still at that weird age threshold where a partner could immediately run for the hills at the mention of one. Nothing will top Nari, she’s number one in your heart, but the small selfish part wanted you to put the focus on yourself for just one night. 

“You don’t have to hide, I want every part of your life no matter how long we have,” he assures you gently, firmly without an ounce of regret. Soonyoung opens his arms, and you cry in relief when you get to collapse in the scent of his cologne. You tuck your head in the crook of his neck, slightly sweaty from whatever activities he needs to do with the kids, but you don’t mind. His voice is quiet, melting in your ears, “and I really like you too. I really like Nari as well, she’s a great kid.” 

“She is, isn’t she?” 

You two pull away, and he swipes a thumb under your eyes in case some tears manage to escape. “So, Friday? Movie?” 

“It’s a date.” 

“Where’s Nari?” the question is huffed against your breath as you’re pressed between your freshly washed bedspread and Soonyoung’s body. He takes care in making sure the zipper of your delicate dress doesn’t get caught in the rush, easily slipping your dress off and throwing it on your desk chair. 

“At Seungkwan’s, why?” 

His cheshire cat eyes glow under the moonlight, positively devious. “It’s date seven,” he announces sweetly. His gaze betrays his saccarine reply, a look that only tells you that Soonyoung plans to fuck you five ways to Sunday, and you’ll gladly let him. 

You sit up on your elbows, enjoying the show as Soonyoung quickly sheds his clothing. It’s ungraceful, exciting. Tonight was a simple carnival date, easily making you feel like a giddy college student all over again. Soonyoung won you five Pokemon keychains today, you could put a whole party on your hand. 

“It’s actually date six,” you tease, tilting your head as his pants finally come off, revealing black boxer briefs that snug deliciously around the waist. 

“Oh, okay,” he looks at you like you’ve spoken God’s word, reaching to pick up his shirt, “so you don’t want my dick fucking you raw tonight? Okay, I see how it is,” he pretends to put on his clothing, jabbing a thumb out the door. 

You have the audacity to giggle, pulling him over by the waistband, “Come here so I can make an exception.”

You don’t know what it is that makes you want you want to give everything to this man. Heck, five years ago you didn’t even want a man as an excuse to have kids. But as he nudges you in all the right places and places you on top of him, you know this man will treat you like an absolute treasure. Every kiss is laced with smiles and sweetness, filled with vigor and vivacity that fills you up and leaves you afloat. 

He takes care of you first, unwilling to let you budge as he places your core over his face. He makes quick, but effective use of his tongue and fingers, making sure you’re nice and sensitive for his future plans. You’re practically throbbing with pleasure, vibrating from every cell of your body. Within minutes he’s glistening in your arousal, and he pulls you down so you’re lined up with his crotch. It’s involuntary when you pulse against his member, your body shamefully alerting you that it’s desperate with need, and the remedy is right under you. 

Soonyoung looks more satisfied than you, eager to please you. Without warning, he stuffs two fingers in your mouth, “You pretty, pretty girl,” you are keen at the attention, your body is glowing a radiant rose. 

Your tongue rolls against his fingers, sticky and tasting of your arousal. Tilting your hips up you let Soonyoung pull his member out, lining it against your entrance. Feeling the soft tip brush against your delicate folds, you moan against his mouth. With a little ‘pop’ he releases you, lips shiny and parted. 

“I hope you don’t think I’m some kind of hit-it-n’quit-it kind of guy,” he noses the sensitive spot of your jawline, which distracts you momentarily when the plush tip nudges your folds, coaxing you to unite. “Because after tonight, I’m definitely keeping you. Forever.” 

The reply that dances on your tongue is overtaken by your whines when Soonyoung slips in fully, forcing your body to clench tightly against his. You take him, all of him. You feel wet and sticky and hot and swollen with affection as Soonyoung praises you for taking him so well. His pace is firm and passionate, short nails digging deliciously into your hips for leverage as he makes sure to fill you to the brim. 

He’s right, tonight is far from being a means to an end. You feel like you can have nights like this the rest of your life. And when the both of you finish and you’re pulling the covers over one another, you finally manage to grasp the reply that was nearly forgotten. 

Pressing a kiss to his jaw you whisper, “I’m keeping you, too.” 

“So, how long can we keep this a secret for?”

“Ideally? Ten months. Realistically, I’d say Christmas.” 

“Why Christmas?” 

“Because I know you’re going to be dying to get Nari a Christmas present.” 

Soonyoung props his elbow on the pillow, looking at you petulantly. “I could say it’s a good behavior reward. She’s been racking up those gold stars during morning meetings, babe. She’s not even trying.” 

“That’s my girl,” you coo, rolling over to lean your head on his chest. Light has long flooded into your apartment, seeping through your curtains and reflecting on your white duvet. Soonyoung looks absolutely fluffy and well rested, and you can’t help but reach to pat down the ebony bird’s nest atop his head. 

The two of you lay like that for a little bit, playing with each other’s cold feet under the covers and relishing under the touch of bare skin to bare skin. You remind yourself that you need to take Joshua out to dinner one of these days, as he managed the inevitable and set you up with  an amazing partner. 

“Breakfast?” Soonyoung pops the question easily, “let’s get steak.”

“Steak isn’t eaten for breakfast.” 

“Then can I eat you for breakfast?” 

You snort, hiding under the covers while Soonyoung attempts to tickle you. The whole act in itself feels wholly innocent despite the fact that you’re both naked and smell like sweat and sex. Just as you feel Soonyoung’s head dip under the covers to meet you at your chest, the door swings open. 

“Mama!” 

The previously warm room feels like wickedly sharp ice, freezing you to your spot as you clutch the covers closer to your chest. “Baby!” you cry exasperatedly, flinching when she throws all her weight on you. She’s still in her ladybug pajamas from last night, hair falling out of her braid. 

She lifts her head from your breast to give you an adorable one-toothed grin. You try your best to maintain eye-contact, but Nari has impeccable vision. Her grin evolves into a full-on beam when she finds your bed partner.

“Mr. Kwon!” she’s squealing, clamoring over your lap. You do a double-take when you see Soonyoung sitting next to you, wearing a t-shirt. Where on earth did he get that?

Soonyoung’s eyes reduce to crescents at his (secretly) favorite student. “Good morning, Nari-ah. Had a fun time at your Uncle’s house?” 

“Nari,” you force your daughter down to stand on the hardwood, giving her a stern look, “give Mr. Kwon some space, it’s really early and it’s the weekend.” 

Knitting her brows together, she looks between the two of you, “But you two don’t have any space.” 

You wince at her perception, and nudge yourself away so you’re pressed against your nightstand. The oakwood corner digs painfully into your back. 

“We were haviång a very special parent meeting,” you fight the urge to cry when Soonyoung turns on his teacher's voice, sending your daughter a very convincing smile. You watch as your daughter’s eyes go wide, probably feeling very special that her teacher came all the way to her house to have a meeting. “You’ve been doing so well during the read-alouds that I had to tell your mama in person!” 

“I told you mama!” Nari juts out her chest, and you lean over to kiss the crown of her head. “But Mr. Kwon, why are you having it in mama’s room?” 

“Her room is the warmest!” he says like it’s the most obvious thing, his and Nari’s eyes widening simultaneously as he gestures to the open window. “The sun travels directly into your bedroom in the morning, and those rays send heat—”

“Mr. Kwon,” your voice is as steady as it can be, and  you frown when Soonyoung wiggles his brows. You already know he’s thinking of three separate ways you can use the term Mr. Kwon in private, but you’re not having any of that, “shouldn’t we uh, wrap up this… meeting?” 

“I wanna stay,” Nari glowers, obviously nosy as to what you two are talking about.

“I know baby. We just gotta finish up the meeting, okay? Can you—” you cut  yourself off when Seungkwan finally decides to make his appearance, eyes wide at commotion he’s created. He’s in matching pajamas, ridiculously red as he bends down to scoop up Nari. Absolutely sweating and as red as his clothes, his eyes dart between the two of you. You could care less that Seungkwan’s eyes have bags under their bags, and was probably too tired to catch her when she ran inside the house. No, Seungkwan doesn’t deserve the title of godfather anymore. 

“Nari! You can’t interrupt teacher meetings,” Seungkwan pretends to scold, and Nari turns her head so she can hide in her Uncle’s shoulder. 

Knowing that Nari can’t see a thing, you mouth a very explicit I will kill you to your best friend, and he immediately mouths an apology to the both of you as he ushers himself out the door. You wait ten seconds for your daughter to be out of ear shot, before dropping the blanket from your neck and throwing yourself against the pillows. 

But Soonyoung’s chuckling, pressing a litany of kisses all over your bare body in an attempt to comfort you. Instead of reveling in his lazy morning touch, you want to disappear between the sheets, never to be seen. What will the PTO moms say when they find out? How will you stop Nari from telling Jeonghan, and therefore Jeonghan telling the entire kindergarten population? Why isn’t Soonyoung freaking out about this? Instead, he favors to taste your body, in between kisses muttering something about it being kismet that Nari so happened to see right as you were discussing the secrecy of your relationship. Ten years from now, your daughter will be horrified when she realizes that no, teachers don’t normally give housecalls in your mother’s bed.

Your boyfriend pinches your thigh, regarding you with mirth in his eyes. 

“So, that means I can buy her a Christmas present now, right?” 

[rawdogmeharry]

anything [part 2 to everything]

or, the one where Y/N is the love of Harry's life and all he wants to do is marry her.

ask and you shall receive <3

requests go here:)

masterlist

•

Somewhere on the Amalfi coast.

Somewhere on the Amalfi coast, on some hot, grainy sand, under some soft azure skies, beside some crystal clear blue water lay Harry, and the love of his life, Y/N.

And Harry really can't keep his hands off his lovie.

Her lilac bikini, that perfectly accentuates her curves. The stretchmarks she adorns a lot more prominent on her already tanned skin. The smooth skin of her plushy thighs, wide hips and full tits. Is it even normal to get this many boners per day?, Harry thinks.

It drives him insane, really. He doesn't understand how a person can be as unearthly gorgeous as his girl is.

And to think Harry was going to ask this beautiful creature to marry him in just a few hours was undescribeable. It made Harry want to shit himself.

Of course, Harry hopes for the best. Harry knows the best. He knows she's gonna say yes, and not just to be a dick about it, but he knows his lovie. Better than anyone—better than she knows her own self.

He also knows how much she loves him. Knows it best probably from the way her touches bring electricity all the way down to his core and through every nerve ending in his body, as if the love seeping from her veins was trying to force its way into Harry. No need for force though, Harry thinks, he's capable of accepting and cherishing any and every single ounce of her love she's willing to give.

Also knows it from the way he doesn't have to say a word, and she already knows exactly what he needs. Knows him like the back of her hand, honestly, and Harry thinks that this is the actual reason they're meant to be—they really do know each other better than they know each themselves.

And Harry did end up choosing a serene spot on the Amalfi coast in Italy to propose. He figured since he'd already taken her to Paris for her birthday not even a mere month earlier, they should travel to a place they'd both never been to before.

Remember this place for the rest of their lives, make it go down in history as the place where and unseparable bond between them was made, and visit for every single anniversary. Harry's got it all planned out.

"Y'know, even with my eyes closed I can feel you staring at my boobs, Harry."

"Well why are they all up in my face for?"

"They're really not, Har. Y'could at least stop starin' at them in public. Y'watchin' them like a hawk watches his prey."

"Baby, y'know it's like some sort of magnetic pull between me 'n your tits. It's 'cause they are m'prey, lovie, gonna eat 'em all up once we get back to the hotel," Harry says and rolls over on the beach towel onto his stomach and leans his head on one hand. Fuckin' beautiful, is what she is, he thinks whilst tilting his head and staring at Y/N.

"Yeah? Y'promise?" She smiles at him.

He gives her a broad smile back, "Cross my heart, hope to die."

Y/N rolls onto her side on the small towel as well, and throws one of her thighs onto his hip, "think we should head back soon, then. Also, m'heads killin' me. Think it's from the sun. Want a nap and you kissing on my boobs."

Harry frowns, "y'heads hurtin', baby? Why didn't y'say so before? We could've went back way earlier. Um—will you be okay to still go to dinner tonight?"

She gives him a shy smile, "of course I'll be okay to go, Harry. Just gonna take an Ibuprofen or something and I'll be as good as new."

Harry lets out a sigh of relief in his head. The dinner he's been planning for almost three weeks now is happening in just a few hours, and nothing can go wrong, because if something does, he's really going to cry. He's sure he's going to cry if everything goes right, as well.

Eitherway, Harry's gonna need some tissues.

He lifts her warm thigh off his hip and gently squeezes it, stands up and puts both arms out to her, "up y'get then, lovie."

```

After a much needed two hour nap and a love making session after getting up when lovie's head wasn't hurting anymore, both Harry and Y/N are almost finished getting ready.

His darling stands in the bathroom in front of the mirror, leaning over the counter just a tiny bit so she could see a bit better and not get the soft pink lipstick all over her face.

And when Harry walks in on her in this position, his knees nearly buckle.

The slender curve of her back, the hem of her turquoise dress barely reaching mid-thigh and sitting tight on her hips.

Now is not the time to get a boner.

"Lovie, y-you look so fucking beautiful. I—I really don't have any words."

She gives him a shy smile through the mirror and he gives her one back, a light pink blush littering her cheeks from the stammering of his kind words, "thank you, baby. You look as handsome as ever." He thinks she might hear his heartbeat all the way from the doorway.

This time, his smile is so broad his teeth show and his dimple pops out, "nothin' compared to you, baby. Yeh about ready, then, gorgeous?"

"You really want some steak, huh? Let's go then, you impatient man," Y/N giggles.

If only she knew that the steak was the last thing on his mind right now, Harry thought.

```

After eating the best medium-well steak both of them had ever had, Y/N considers unzipping the zipper on the side of her dress. She literally feels like she's about to burst.

And Harry does too. Just not from the steak.

The steak was really good, Harry will admit that, and the wine was also not that bad (for six hundred dollars per bottle, it could've been better, he thinks), but these are really irrelevant things compared to the other's he's thinking right now.

And while Harry's close to having a heart attack, Y/N slowly leans back on her chair, puts her arms on the arm rests and tries to discreetly push out her stomach. She then takes one of her hands and slowly rubs it on her bloated belly, stroking it as if she was pregnant.

Petting her steak filled belly she looks around, and only then realises that just the two of them are left on the second floor of the restaurant.

The restaurant was situated outside, underneath the starry sky, and built right into a cave, with a view of the calm ocean right in front of them.

"Harry, d'you think they're about to close soon? We're literally the only people left."

Here goes nothing, Harry thinks.

"No, baby, that's how it's supposed to be."

She gives him a confused face, genuinely not understanding what he's just said, "huh? What's supposed to be?"

He slowly stands up, walks over to her chair and notices the hand stroking her little pouched out belly and immediately smiles. She's so fucking cute. Bends down to her face to face and puts his big hands on her small cheeks, "Just listen t'me, baby. No questions, just all ears for me now, yeah?"

She's even more confused now. "Yeah, okay."

He gives her a quick kiss, shortly trapping her bottom lip between his own. "Right. Here it goes."

Harry pulls away from her, and very slowly gets down onto one knee in front of her, quickly pulling out a small emerald green velvet box from his inner jacket pocket.

Y/N is in shock. She wouldn't be surprised if she went into cardiac arrest right then and there. Then it all comes together.

The way he was fidgeting with his hands all the way to the restaurant earlier in the evening, so much that she had to put her hands on his, just so he could properly hold the steering wheel. She didn't choose to question that, figured he'd tell her on his own time, when he felt comfortable about speaking of what he was so scared? of, after he gave her an appreciative, but shaky smile.

The shaking of his hands while he was cutting his steak. She really thought that was because of the steak.

The small beads of sweat gathering at the top of his forehead anytime he would make direct eye contact with her during the evening. She thought that the warm climate had taken its toll on him.

She feels stupid. That's why he's been so nervous, she thinks. Everything makes sense now.

"Y/N—I-I've literally forgotten every word I rehearsed for m'speech. Um—'m so nervous I think even m'tongues shakin' so 'm sorry, but I still want to say a few things."

He can barely hold the box in his clammy hands from the shaking.

And she already feels a few droplets of salty tears coming down her face.

Harry takes a deep breath. "Y/N Y/L/N, y'the love of m'life. Nobody comes close to the place you hold in m'heart. I know this is corny t'say, but I really did fall in love with you the first time I saw you. Fell in love with your kindness, compassion and the love you show t'the people most important to yeh. Couldn't imagine spendin' m'life with anybody else by m'side. Can't wait to marry you, bawl m'eyes out when I see you walk down the aisle and later have babies with yeh. Beautiful, beautiful babies, just like their mummy. Take you all over the world, show you places we'll remember for the rest of our lives. Make love every night and mornin', spend the days baskin' in each other's love. Um—know 'm just ramblin' anythin' and I can promise yeh my wedding vows are gonna be a million times better, but will yeh do the honors and make all m'dreams come true? Marry me and be mine, lovie?"

He starts to open the box containing the beautiful custom diamond ring he'd had made just for her but he can barely see where the opening is because of his tear-filled eyes.

And Y/N doesn't even look at the ring, doesn't really need to, even though she's extremely grateful, she knows she'd marry him if he gave her a ring with an engraved pickle on it.

She quickly shuts the little box and wraps her arms so hard around his shoulders, she nearly brings the both of them down to the wooden floor of the restaurant.

"Yes, Harry," she chokes out through her tears and feels his arms wrap tighter around her than ever, "yes. I love you so much. Of course I'll marry you."

Harry hasn't ever been happier than he is in this moment.

[ohbae-me]

okay so, im about to go ham because i truly stand strong in my shoujo fantasy.

In my opinion, im pretty sure (like 89%) lucifer tells us that whenever mammon breaks off a relationship with someone, they go broke completely after. so hes had previous relationships before, as for the rest of the boys, im pretty sure lucifer has, but nothing serious, he wont let anyone in, MC is literally the only person who has pushed past his walls and seen him for more than pride. satan, 100% he has never had a relationship, levi, has had a couple of fwbs and other relationships but they always fizzle out, never lasting. asmo has never had a serious relationship, always just flings. belphie never had a serious relationship and same with beel. i truly believe MC is their first true loves, i know what youre thinking "theyve been alive for so long, theres no way someone couldnt have been special to them" but the thing is, theyre so different with MC; their entire dynamic and relationships changed with MC, MC saw them for more than their sin and got to know them to their very core, while yes the other relationships never lasted, thats not to say the boys didnt love them; but just not in the way they love MC. i believe MC to be a true love, not just a love, the difference for me is all of the boys would gladly give up chasing MC once she finds herself happy with another brother, instead of forcing them to choose yk? the "as long as youre happy, it kills me everytime i look at you smile at him, but i love you too much to let you be miserable with me" and i dont think any of them have experienced. also, with the whole "new relationship" thing, the honey moon phase, while yes every couple has it, i feel like with MC it would just, last. not to say they wouldnt have fights; ofc they would, but its different with MC, everyday the brothers would wake up and chose the option to love and fall in love all over again, speaking further on that, i dont think any of them would truly get over MC. and i mean that; (i dont think MC is going to die, obey me devs have something planned LOL, plus theyre super powerful, like the other anon said i dont think theyd be able to really function without them, even if they do "get over" mcs death at some point.) after MC dies i feel like the family dynamic wouldnt be the same, the brothers would get quieter and would never truly forget about it? and every relationship would fail because theyre not MC (you dont have to agree but i love reverse harems), like i 100% hc that after MC chooses another brother or after they die, mammon would try and try to find new flings, even after its been decades mammon finds someone whos super similar to MC, their look, personality, etc, but one wrong move and theyre out. (say MC doesnt like pickles, but the replacement for MC does, he would immediately start crying and call mc a stupid human who he shouldnt have fallen for.) anyways in conclusion, i truly dont think MC would ever die canonically in the obey me game, the devs are sneaky (love you devs), but even if they would, i really feel like they would never get truly over it. some part of me truly believes that the brothers would go back to being distant, how they were before. they would sit at the table and eat in silence, asmo would begin partying ten times harder (since we already know he uses his ego to cover up his major insecurity of people not liking him and how he feels about himself) and the brothers would become even more indugled in their sin. also, for every relationship they would have, they would just compare them to MC, and yeah but I cannot see MC dying. the other stuff about what the brothers would be like after MC dies could also be applied to when MC chooses her s/o. i think the brothers would be super fucking hurt, that was their first love, their first understanding who walked out and chose someone who wasnt them. anyways thats all, you dont have to reply i just felt like i needed to get this off of my chest, also im gonna be pretty frequent on your blog ( i love ur writing ) so im gonna call myself cake anon! have a great day! - cake anon

Hello Cake! iluuu! Thanks for this, i really love getting every ones take on these things! And there is defs a lot that i agree with here. 

I agree with the Mammon part. Out of all of the brothers, i feel he is probably the easiest to get emotionally attached in a relationship, so i see him as the one with the most previous relationships. Asmo coming in second, but his being mostly flings or poly/open relationships. I’m sure Mammon has had some serious ones as well as many flings, where Asmo’s have never been overly serious and certainly never long lasting. I’m also sure Luci has had a few, some more serious than others, but he wouldn’t get overly attached emotionally. I’m sure he’d be too busy with Diavolo since arriving, being the workaholic he is. I’m sure not many partners would be willing to deal with that level of non-commitment and emotional unavailability from him.Levi I feel like all his relationships never left that awkward early stage, and his only ‘serious’ relationships would have been strictly online, maybe a couple meetups that made him nope right out of it. Satan, again, has probably just gone on some casual dates but didn’t have much interest in actually dating rather than gaining connections. i feel like Beel is the most likely candidate to have had healthy previous relationships. He is pretty well balanced emotionally and has a good outlook on love and family values. I’m sure he’s had a few serious relationships and has dated his share of people. Belphie gives me vibes of had one or two previous serious relationships that did not end well at all and now he’s a salty sob over it lmao. 

I still don’t feel like MC is necessarily their first true love, but maybe the first different kind of love for them. MC has reached them in ways no one else has, they don’t try to change anything, they fit in well with the whole family, they understand their sins etc. I have loved a few different people in my life, and each one was such a different experience for me. The first guy i loved, i consider to be my first true love. However, it didn’t work. And then i met the man I eventually married, he wasn’t my first true love, but it was a better kind of love, yk? 

And uugghh you ripped my heart out with how the brothers would feel if MC chose a different brother!!!! Because they all would be so heartbroken it’s not them, but they really truly just want mc to be happy and cared for, and they know their brother would keep them safe and provide well. 

A few asks ago, i mentioned that the brothers would move on eventually. I think there is a big difference in moving on and getting over that I maybe didn’t articulate very well. If MC were to die or choose someone else, they would move on eventually, but they might not ever really get over it. My heart hurts just thinking about how they would feel trying to move on. Like you mentioned, the empty, quiet dinner tables, lackluster parties and festivals, it would be like they lost their best friend. (i giggled picturing your mammon scenario with the pickle because that’s exactly how he’d react to something so small lmaooo)

I also agree that i don’t think the devs will kill mc off (again), that just seems like a really crappy way to end the game!! I’m curious to see how they would make different routes go if you can only romance one of them end game, vs you being able to have them all? I wonder if we’d get a choice in the whole becoming immortal thing or not? 

Sorry if this reply was too long and rambly, i absolutely love discussing these kinds of things!! I always welcome these asks!!! 

[operationcavill]

Professionals 2 - August Walker

August Walker is hired by Parker Industries to protect the companies most important assets; Mr. Stephen Parker himself and his workaholic, do-it-all executive assistant. 

Part 1

*Contains a bit of a time jump

He doesn’t normally feel so guilty after speaking his mind, but he felt as if he should apologize. He settles into his room and still can’t get the interaction off his mind, the way the tone of her voice changed. He begins to log the distractions Y/N causes, in order to learn from it. It's the only way he knows how to correct himself.

Week 1 Distractions:  

Humming

Scrunches her nose when reading

Rolling her eyes at me

Week 2 Distractions:

Pony tails

Making Coffee

Asked me to peel her orange 

Gin Gin??

Week 3:

Cut the crust off my grilled cheese

Eating pickles as a snack

Video Calls with Joey

Refuses to call me August 

Week4:

Dances in her bedroom

Waters all the plants except the one in my room 

Eats too many pickles

Still won’t call me August

About a month into their stay, August finally admits to himself that he’s attracted to Y/N. He gave up on his lists and although he would never say it, made tougher security measures for her. He was now working his hardest, for her. The best thing about it was that he could tell she was doing the same, she was ignoring how she felt about him. At night, it consumed him. It was almost torture. He would stand outside her door after his routine sweep. 

He’d listen to her sing along to Pearl Jam, which he did not expect at all. He could hear her laugh on the phone while talking to her friends. He could also hear her touch herself. He drove himself crazy with it. His forehead would rest against the wall as he listened to her gasp and moan to herself. He wondered how she did it. Did she tease herself? Did she use a toy? He’d let his mind run wild with the thought and when it was a particularly tiring day, he, too, would touch himself.

After weeks of back and forth meetings, long car rides, and occasional flights back to the city, they finally have a weekend free. The rest of the security is on call back at their hotel, but given permission to explore. Meanwhile, Parker, Y/N, and August are cooped up in this lake house that Parker insisted he stay at. 

August checks in for the evening, making sure boss man has no plans to leave for the time being, “Go on, Walker. I’ve finally got time to catch up on sleep.” He nods and continues his sweep across the house. Y/N is not in the house, he barges into her empty bedroom, then back to the study. He finally spots her on the veranda, sipping on a glass of wine and just sitting. Every so often, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breathe. 

He leans against door frame and speaks loudly, “You know, you’re supposed to tell me if you’re going out.” 

She gasps, almost spilling her wine, “Shit!”

August doesn’t seem phased by her movements, “Could’ve said you’d be outside.”  

“I don’t need constant security, and I didn’t go anywhere, I’m sitting on a porch.” She takes another sip from her glass. 

“Actually, as part of the company, you do need security and it’s also raining.” 

She rolls her eyes, her go to reaction, “I like rain.”  

He looks up at porch covering, “Yeah, well, it’s too cold and foggy out here.”

“I’m fine.” He watches her plop a piece of candy in her mouth. 

“Y/N—“ He gears up for yet another one of his speeches but she cuts him off before she has to endure it.

“August,” He doesn’t want to admit that he loves to hear her say his name, even if it comes out strange due to the candy in her mouth.

“The last thing we need around here is you with a cold. You’re miserable as it is.” His statement comes out harsher than he intended. He only meant that she’s already in a tough situation, and getting sick would only make it harder on her.

“You know what, Walker? You’re miserable! You have not once tried to be kind, not once tried to have a conversation with me. I don’t think you do anything but sulk. ‘Oh, I’m August. I have a mustache and a gun.’” She mocks his scowl, “I haven’t seen you smile at all, do you even have teeth?” 

August wants to give her an ear full of banter but he can’t bring himself to be playful, he’s tired snd she looks pitiful. He gives her a false, but bright smile, “It’s getting late and it’s about to storm.”

She grunts as she gets up from her chair, “Goodnight.” 

He notices her cardigan on the back of the chair and grabs it, making his way toward the stairs, then to her bedroom door. He stands there for a moment before knocking, trying to decide if he should apologize or not. She greets him with her hair in a lazy ponytail and a toothbrush in her hand, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but you left your sweater downstairs.”

“Oh, thanks.” Y/N narrows her eyes at him, wondering why he’s just standing there, “Is there something else?” He’s sorry, but he shakes his head and bids her goodnight. 

Y/N would be lying to herself if she hadn’t been noticing little things about August. She notices that he tries to hide his smile when he hears Joey ask about him, or that his eyes seem bluer when it rains. There was a particular shirt of his that was a little tighter than his others and she didn’t want to admit to herself that she wanted to see what was underneath it. She tried to deny how good looking he was, even with that ridiculous mustache. 

Thunder claps just has Y/N snuggles into bed. She loved the sound of the heavy rain hitting the windows. When she was a little girl she would sit and just listen. Her brother, Jacob, would always make fun of her but it was something she enjoyed, just her and the rain.

...

The power flickers off and y/n heads to the hall linen closet for a lantern and maybe some candles for the hall. She knows she won’t be able to stop at this point in her book. The closet door swings open and she tries to catch something as it falls out. She winces at a broom smacking against the floor. Everything is still quiet, so she continues her search for a lantern. She hears a noise come from behind her and jumps. Y/N turns her flashlight toward the creaky floor and the beam lands on August, “Oh my god! You have got to stop scaring me!”

“I’m doing my job. I heard something.”

She points her light at his torso, “And came to check it out without a shirt?” She accidentally let the light linger there, taking in a very toned core. She knew he was in shape but, well, he was fit.

August tried his hardest not to stare, it may be dark but her can certainly make out her half naked silhouette, “You’re not wearing pants." 

“I didn’t expect to you to ambush me while I was looking for more flashlights.”

“Such a professional business woman with polka dot panties.”

She pulls her shirt down but it does nothing to cover her, “My underwear is none of your concern.” She presses one of the extra flashlights to his chest, and walks toward her room, “Go to bed.” 

Y/N huffs as she hears a knock on her door just as she closes it,  “I don’t want to go to bed.” 

She get’s ready to slam the door in his face but he has his hand on the door knob,“Then do something else.” He opens the door further and gives her and up and down. 

“I thought you’d be the whitey-tighty type.”

“Well, that’s ridiculously out of line.” She puts her hand on her hip.

“I don’t think you care what I say anymore.” 

“Excuse me?” 

He closes her bedroom door, leaning his back against it, “I have a thing for bratty smart girls in cute little panties.” He drinks in her shocked expression, “What? The one time you don’t have something to say?”

“I have plenty to say.”

“You seem pretty quiet over there.” 

The lightning flashes makes him look even more devilish, like a cheesy hour movie. He looks like he’s on a mission, and August Walker never abandons a mission. “I like to choose my words wisely.”

“That so?” 

She gulps as he walks closer, “Yes.” She feels so exposed, as if the small lantern on her nightstand was as bright as the sun. 

They’re only about a foot apart now. She could reach out and touch his chest if she wanted to, and she wants to. Just like he could read her mind, he whispers, “What are you waiting for?” She blinks hard, realizing people can’t actually read minds.

“I'm-I'm not waiting for anything.” He likes it when she’s nervous, he likes that he seems to be the only one who can do this to her.

“You’re so fucking stubborn. I see you looking at me, and I know you see me looking at you.”

He can see her brow furrow in the dim light and makes his move before she can argue. He grabs the back of her head, kissing her surprisingly softly. Her hands land flat on his stomach and he feels her nails on his skin when his tongue passes against hers. He pulls away and gently tugs her pony tail. Y/N looks doe-eyed and desperate. “You want me to go?” She doesn’t respond, “Fucking answer me, Y/N. I’ll pretend it never happened, if that’s what you want.”

[Tagged: If you’d like to be tagged, just shoot me a message or ask!]

@igotkatiepowers  @xxxkatxo  @lunedelorient  @heartfelt-pen​  @omgkatinka​  @viking-raider​  @summersong69​ @hell1129-blog​ @lilzebub​  @mansaaay​ @henryobsessed​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @cavillshmavill​

*This was supposed to be all in the first part but something funny happened and they got split up!

[shadowstar1919]

You Can’t Buy Happiness, But You Can Buy Coffee

Chapter 1 Trouble Brewing 

It was just a normal Sunday night; I finished my shift at Burger King. I locked up the store then got ready to ride my brand new e-bike home, at this point I have only had the bike for four days. 

It was a cold and wet December night but I was well bundled up for the weather. I swung my leg over the bike and started it up. The dash glowed with a blue light and let me know the battery was at 87%. I wobbly started moving as I wasn’t used to the heavyweight of the bike. The bike took an unexpected lurch forward faster than I would have liked. But I managed to keep up with it and took off with the immediate torque of an electric engine.

I did a rolling stop at the first stop sign as I was still learning how the brakes were on this bike. I took a deep breath and let my instincts from riding dirt bikes take over and smoothly made it into the road. I slowly rolled the throttle till it was fully open and leaned back on the bike for stability on the slippery road chucked full of potholes of doom.

I wasn’t keeping up with traffic as the governor kept me well below the speed limit. I could tell this bike had potential well above what it was doing. Made it to the first set of lights and it just turned red and I slammed the brakes on and came skidding to an awkward stop. For a new bike, the brakes seemed surprisingly stiff and slippery. While I waited for the light, I checked the bike and the brakes had a thin layer of ice over them just like the road did. 

The light felt longer than normal, the cold froze me to the core and I remembered something I had learned from snowmobiling. “When cold, get colder.” I mumbled under my breath as I relaxed my shoulders and leaned into my bike letting myself relax and focus on the feeling under my pegs, handlebars and the buzz of the electric engine.

The light turned green and I continued letting the feeling of the cool wind take me. The electric engine whirled and did its thing. I found the speed and wind relaxing, almost meditative. I felt one with my bike, in a way I had never had in a car or truck. It was like I was flying, though slower than I would have liked. 

Since I was last struck by lightning last summer, I felt like something was missing and I realize now what that is a feeling very similar to this. But this still wasn’t it but it would have to do for now.

I arrive home safely, I lock the bike up and head inside and before I could start getting my gear off, my boyfriend asks me to go to the convince store to get some cigarettes and I agree on the condition of snacks. I sigh and take his debit card, heading back into the cold heading back to my bike.

It starts to rain and I get a bad feeling in my gut, I start to feel sick and I chuck it up to probably being hungry. I take off to the store just up the street. Everything is going normally. I head into the store after parking my bike, my friend Mike is working tonight.

“Hey, how’s it going Mike?!” I excitedly yell as I walk in the door.

“Oh, hey Teresa. How was work?” he responds kinda quietly and tiredly. I could tell he was higher than a kite, which was normal for him. If he wasn’t I would be concerned.

I grab some Doritos, a bag of dill pickle chips, a coke for Austin and a cherry root beer for myself. I place it all on the counter it was a quiet night for a change usually Sundays were chaos at this store. Mike gestures to the freshly stocked scratch tickets. “You getting anything else today?” he smirks.

“Heheheh no scratchies today, but can I get a 20pc of king-size LD blues? I respond.

“Yeah sure. Hey, wanna hang out after I am done work?” he question’s as he grabs the cigarettes and rings them through with everything else.

“No sorry, I would but I have school in the morning.” I respond as I tap the debit card and put the wallet away. 

“Well, if you change your mind let me know.” He laughs handing me my bad and receipt 

I put the plastic bag inside my backpack and start to leave the store.

“Seeya T!” Mike waves.

“Seeya tomorrow lol!” I cringe a bit as I say the lol part aloud.

The rain was freezing much colder than I would enjoy. I do enjoy a cold winter rain. I think to myself as I get on the bike and start it up again. I pull out of the parking lot and start home. I start picking up speed and soon I get up to 22-25km. I feel uneasy as I check the intersection as I know I am too slow to speed up and the bike takes too long to stop, I see a black car approaching the intersection at almost full speed. I realize I am too far in to stop and not fast enough to gun it. Stupid governor. 

Then as if it was bullet time, I instinctively lift my legs onto the seat and get ready to bail as the bike gets pinned under the car but I was too late. Thankfully because my legs were up I didn’t get them pinned as well but I find myself unable to bail from the bike as I get dragged into the road the bike fully under the car. Sparks fly and the sound of metal crunching comes to a stop as the far stops. But unfortunately for me, I don’t stop I bounce into the oncoming traffic. 

A truck fails to swerve and the last thing I remember was the sound and pressure of my helmet crunching down on me, then the cold sore feeling sunk in.

I feel confused and sore… wait I am in an ambulance and my boyfriend Austin is there. The lady driving the car is gone the truck is nowhere to be seen, an-and I am surprised to be alive. I notice the crushed helmet covered in blood hanging off my bike’s mangled handlebars.

According to Austin I called 911, then him and pulled the bike out from under the car myself and sat waiting for help to arrive.

Funny I don’t remember any of that. They bring me to the hospital and check me all over and they couldn’t even find a bruise or scratch on me, I was told I don’t even have a concussion. I am so very confused. I should be dead… I remember tired over my head… my helmet was destroyed the bike totalled and I am fine! I am alive walking and feeling fine. Way too fine for someone who just got t-boned on an e-bike by a car going 65km!

After I get home, I sit and try to reflect. “I wanna know why? Why am I okay?” I say as the tears start pouring down and feel like lava against my cheeks.

“Well, I am thankful you are okay.” Austin says wrapping his arms around me squeezing me tightly obliviously trying to not just calm me but himself. 

“I think I just need time to process everything.” I say as I hug Austin back and take some deep breaths.

About a week passes by as I try to resume life as normal, but I notice strange things happening. Dropping items as if they just fall through my hands. Feeling like I am floating then when I look down my feet feel like they just touched the ground again, also I don’t seem to tire normally anymore like I went 3 days without sleeping and didn’t even feel fazed by the lack of sleep. Also, sometimes I just feel cold and just cannot get warm.

There is also something I cannot stop thinking about, the night of the accident my Fitbit recorded that my heart stooped for almost 12 minutes. “12 minutes….” I utter under my breath.

“Hey T you even listening?” Mike throws a penny at me.

“Oh... Sorry was just thinking about something. I guess I am still a bit shook up about it.” I respond as I look down at my almost empty coffee.

“Well, it was a pretty bad accident for you, It’s understandable. Hey T? I guess I am way higher than I thought…” he says while tilting his head and squinting at me. 

“What? Are you okay?!” I start to worry as I look back at him.

“You look kinda see through that’s all…” He laughs nervously.

I look at my hands and realize he is right. I panic and I pop back to normal.

“OH MY GOD?! Ah, what the Fuck is happening?!” I panic and while I do that, I go completely invisible then just as suddenly as it happened, I go back to normal.

“Holy shit! It’s like that show we were watching. You’re like half-ghost or something?” he laughs probably trying to lighten the situation as he starts to rip another bong.

Then my coffee slips through my hands and spills all over the ground. “OK, that’s something I have to get under control….” I say as I start to cry.

I stop to think for a minute, wait I have had weird things happening my whole life it's only recently gotten like 1000 times worse, since the last accident…

“Honestly I think you may be right,” I say as look at my hands.

“WHAT?! I thought I was tripping balls... You’re a ghost?! Well, for someone to survive 3 lightning strikes and being hit by 9 vehicles the only way to survive would be to have superpowers.” He laughs.

“No! Well, maybe half ghost? I don’t know… maybe I am dead?” I check my Fitbit. Heart rate: 98b/min.

“He Heh like that Danny kid from the show we binged for new Year’s. Maybe try to focus on your new “powers”” He laughs and does air quotes.

“Yeah, I think it’s worth a shot hahahahaha…” I say as I try and focus.

Thankfully we are in the old train park and there are no other people around to judge the situation I found myself in. 

“Well here goes nothing.” I say as I stand up and focus on my power. I feel a wave of energy wash over me. Almost like an electrical wave over my whole body. I look down and notice I am floating about 6” off the ground, but then I see my outfit has changed and all the colors are inverted. I pull my phone out and notice my black hair has turned white with some streaks of electric yellow through it. “OH Holy Fuck! I didn’t think this was possible, WAIT DOES THIS MEAN I AM DEAD?!” I start to panic. I land my feet firmly on the ground. Taking a deep breath “No I think I am only half dead…” I trail off on the last word and look at Mike.

“DUDE you’re a superhero?!” He stands up then takes a huge pull off his bong before dumping out the contents and wrapping it up in an old t-shirt. while he does that I note that gravity feels weirder now. Like my stomach is experiencing zero G’s but I am on the ground. I think to myself. Guess gravity works when I would like it to, huh. 

“ You may want to change back before someone comes because you are literally glowing dude.” He says as he gets ready to leave.

“Yeah, Problem I don’t know how.” I say as I start floating off balance and facepalm right into the ground. “Well, that hurt.” I sigh.

“have you tried to do the opposite of whatever you just did?” He laughs.

I pick myself up and focus on reeling back in my powers, almost like a zipper of darkness or really a lack of a ghostly glow goes back over me and I appear as my normal self once again. I look at Mike “I swear don’t you dare tell anyone.”

“Oh don’t worry your secret is safe with me but I would like to talk to Austin about it because I need to talk to someone about it.” He smiles as he gets on his bicycle and starts to take off. “Yeah, That’s fine.” I yell as he leaves.

I sit back down and wait till I am alone again. The snow crunches on the bench. 

Well, guess I can test my powers. I think as I stand up and change back into my phantom self. It just feels too right like this was the real me. I relax and start to float as it just naturally comes to me. I relax further and my legs disappear into a whiplike tail and I note that it’s a lot less dark out. I turn on my phone and open my camera app, Guess I have natural night vision. I swoosh my tail around and watch it intently. Surprisingly I am not spooked at this at all more so intrigued by it. but that doesn’t come as a surprise since I am a super nerdy individual that has always wished for some kind of powers. I hear a rustling in the bushes and I jump and almost instinctively turn invisible. 

A red fox darts across the park passing right through me. “Woah A Fox!” I smile as I drift after it. 

I feel the cool wind flow right through me. “Well, this is a level of cold I didn’t think was possible.” Just as I finish that thought it begins to hail.

“OK That’s it I am going home!” I yell as I try to fly up. I get about 10 meters into the air and I feel a moment of weakness and my powers cut out. I panic as the ground comes up very fast. I hit the snowbank and fortunately, it was still light and fluffy snow.

I stand up and dust myself off. “Well guess I am walking,” I grumble and I start heading home.

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Manga Chapter 137 Review: Resonance

I cannot lie, I am a cover fiend and this chapter’s cover is literally the second time we’ve seen Bang and Bomb featured on a cover. Once again looking mighty spry.  And also Fubuki, I guess.  When I see similarly-themed covers, I always like to look for any resonance within the chapters they front.

Chapter 108 (and whatever chapter it actually ends up being) fronted the ever-writhing heart of evil that is Orochi fighting Saitama in what turned out to be a vain attempt.   This chapter fronts the ever-shifting hearts of evil that are Orochi and Psykos struggling mightily against the S-Class heroes who have it hard-pressed.  Nice!

It’s a chapter as twisty as the monster it features and there’s lots under the cut!

Story

Speaking of Bang, the story wastes no time reintegrating him into the gathering gaggle of heroes as he comes out of hiding with Bomb and Fubuki in tow.

He confronts Child Emperor -- which puts the boy in a bit of a pickle as he told the others a lie to stop them asking too many pointed questions -- but is awesome enough to acknowledge that under the circumstances he could well understand why Child Emperor didn’t want him there.

Fubuki wastes no time in asking the other heroes to help Tatsumaki in some way, offering to help with whatever decision they make.  She can tell that her sister is barely hanging on. 

And she’s right.  Tatsumaki is no longer flying over the battlefield, but has come to kneel on the top of the tower and is fading out of consciousness.   Psykos-Orochi wastes no time trying to shoot her, but Drive Knight intercepts most of the missiles in his Bishop form (very handy having a large, heavily-armored form), but one slips through,  which Genos comes and intercepts instead.  Psykos-Orochi gives up on that idea and peels off to try losing Drive Knight.

While she’s knelt there, we get the most detailed flashback to the day Blast rescued her in any version.   The heartlessness with which the research director instructed that Tatsumaki be abandoned to her fate is heartbreaking in its inhumanity.

The monster kicks its way into Tatsumaki’s cell, she shuts her eyes, and then...

...she opens them again to find herself still alive, the monster dead, and a strange man holding cube addressing her.   And like that we get our first proper look at Blast, who introduces himself as a guy with a proper job who does hero-work as a hobby.   He asks her why she didn’t use her powers and she says that there’s no point, with even her parents having rejected her, there’s nothing to escape to.  He reminds her that she still does have a family, a little sister (there’s a lively debate ongoing on whether Blast read Tatsumaki’s mind or just did something more prosaic, like learn what subjects were imprisoned at the facility) who is worth protecting.  He tells her too, that for someone with great powers like her own, expecting others to come to her rescue is unrealistic.

While that’s going on, Drive Knight chases Psykos-Orochi through into a road tunnel in a wonderfully cinematic sequence (won’t post -- just go see and enjoy!).    Tatsumaki comes round sufficiently to try pinching the monster against the walls of the tunnel, but it shifts effortlessly between biological and mechanical forms to evade them all before flying out of the tunnel and along the road.

what a slippery customer!  The will to survive of this monster is incredible

The monster thinks its in the clear, but what’s this, running alongside?  It’s Genos!  Once Tatsumaki came round, he came off the tower and caught up on foot -- damn, how *fast* is this guy?   He jumps onto its back and digs in.   It tries to shoot him off, but Drive Knight comes barrelling out of the tunnel and joins in.

The chapter ends on a cliffhanger that sounds like the punchline for a bad joke: What’s the only thing worse than an angry cyborg on your back?  Two angry cyborgs on your back! 

Come back soon Murata!  We need to know how this ends!

Meta

Pesky, pesky cyborgs

I bet Psykos is developing a Demon Cyborg complex around now.

Consider that two days ago, one of her top monsters reported that he’d killed Demon Cyborg.  That monster is found dead.  Demon Cyborg shows up alive and well the next day.  Then she sends another of her top monsters, a guaranteed S-Class killer... that monster is found dead.  Demon Cyborg shows up today. And has the nonsense to rob her of her prey, not once, not twice, but three times.  She thinks he’s finally spent,  so how is it possible that he’s now digging white-hot claws into her back and preparing to burn her from very close range?  Sorry bitch, the relentlessness of this guy is legendary. 

Even saying that, Genos has developed a tenacity that is on an entirely different level from that he has to date in the webcomic and this chapter just takes it up another rung.  I’d noted his will to keep driving forward despite his body suffering (link), which I’ll quote in part:

Kuseno was as good as his word -- ten seconds was all he could go all out for. The True Incineration Cannon has really taken a brutal toll on his body.  What can Genos do?  He doesn’t have his super long-range beams any longer.  He can’t fly any longer.  His wonderful curving beams which would have been so useful to chase down the monster with are gone.  The blue dragon is quenched and launching another core attack is out of the question.  What to do?  Climb up there and strafe the monster anyway. 

To which I need to add: chase the damn jet down on foot anyway!  It looks like he’s going to attack the monster with his long-suffering core anyway... please Genos, have some sense of self-preservation!

It’s just as well Drive Knight came in to literally have Genos’s back.  We need to have some words about  Drive Knight!  Drive Knight’s philosophy has been that enlightened self-interest is the best altruism.  That we’ve had little quarrel with -- if he’s not getting anything out of the deal, he’s not doing it, but if he is, he’ll be very professional and efficient.  Now that he’s recharged, we’ve seen him doggedly chasing Psyko-Jet, never giving the monster a moment’s rest, all while doing his best to look out for the others.

But, Drive Knight is here for a reason.  Him looking round at the dead remains of Monster King Orochi littering the tunnels and feeling annoyance that Tatsumaki has thus made his job of gathering a sample that much more difficult reminds us that he has never let go of his original Agenda.  Once he gets the sample he wants, he’s unlikely to stick around unless his exits are blocked.

The Refutation of Blast’s Philosophy

Blast’s words to a despairing Tatsumaki gave her the motivation to help herself and impressed deeply on her a need for absolute self-sufficiency.   On one hand, it’s been one of the things that has driven her to be the incredible hero she is.  On the other, it’s also meant that she’s found it extremely difficult to forge bonds, has contributed to her toxic relationship with her sister, and has even been counter-productive to her hero work.

This arc,  Tatsumaki has been both the unwitting and witting beneficiary of life-saving interventions (by Saitama and Genos respectively).

This chapter, when she passes out, we see Fubuki reaching out to her telepathically to ask her to hang on as Fubuki herself looks to be trying some means of physically reaching her  (is she planning to levitate Puri Puri?).

And yet again, Genos is there for her, stopping Psykos from being able to shoot her, at least until Tatsumaki regains consciousness, when he goes to chase down the monster jet.

It is not that we are entitled to be saved. That we are not.  Rather, it should be that we are able to ford the greatest of perils if we are willing to reach out to one another.  There is no inconsistency between striving to do our utmost for ourselves and grasping a hand reached out to us: that’s how we’ve triumphed as human beings.

[thatdamnokie]

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.  

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone​ was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

like

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen​)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

D:

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

[16ruedelaverrerie]

I have a question. How do you come up with ideas for dishes for Les Mignardises? Especially Gavin's ones? I can't get that fish from last chapter out of my head! I enjoy this fic a lot, you are a great writer.

What an actual goddamn DREAM of a question, I’m so happy to discuss this that I wonder if I hypnotized myself and sent in an anon ask just so that I could go on about it. But NO! I am very sad but I am not quite that sad in quite that way. And I am sorry for insinuating that you are a figment of my imagination, anon! That’s how much I appreciate this ask, thank you so much! HERE IS A REALLY LONG ANSWER THAT TUMBLR HAS KINDLY PLACED BEHIND A DASHBOARD CUT.

The salmon and steak tartare from the pop-up flashback has to pull a significant amount of weight since it’s what undergirds Nines’s relationship with Gavin -- the curiosity (what made me chase you) and the tenderness (what made me stay) both -- so it was very much a thing I had to think about a lot. In terms of the triaxial way that I like to conceptualize fics, it’s a dish that has to not only imbue the story with flavor, but address its core. Which means that the foremost consideration I have to keep in mind is:

This dish needs to echo its role in the narrative.

Here, the dish is what alerts Nines to the possibility that the things which most seem out of place may be able to contribute great value and beauty nonetheless; so this has to be a dish that chafes, in what it is and does. It has to sit uneasily with the occasion, the genteel safety of a pop-up showcase for chefs who don’t yet have the status or clout to be public contrarians.

Something that a lot of people still find distasteful is being confronted with where animal protein comes from. Because reminders of this often hinge around the use of odds-and-ends parts -- head, foot, organs -- at this stage, I’m pretty sure that the dish needs to include some part of some animal that a lot of (American, at least) diners would find to be aggressively visceral. Head, I decide, because the drama of it delights me.

This dish includes an animal head.

A pig’s head, maybe? A sheep’s head? At the same time, the dish is also Gavin’s general middle finger to the way that things are done, and an expression of how he sits uneasily within the tradition of fine dining. I want the dish to be angry at certain conventions within restaurant culture that Gavin might disagree with.

In its most conservative incarnations, “surf and turf” is a disgusting bourgeois display of food as symbol of wealth, as opposed to its myriad other potential purposes such as nourishment, community cohesion, artistic innovation, or cultural expression. You take two grossly overrated and overpriced cuts -- filet mignon and lobster tail -- and you plop them down on a plate next to each other because WHY? They don’t do anything FOR each other! It’s just a PLATTER OF TRASH FOR BANKERS TO IMPRESS EACH OTHER WITH. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Anyway, I figure that this kind of surf and turf might infuriate a chef whose M.O. is to make the most out of the least, to leave nothing behind. Also that was a little unfair to lobster tail, which is a fine piece of protein, if overhyped at the expense of the rest of the lobster. But filet mignon as steak can go fuck itself.

This dish is a fuck-you to classic surf and turf.

Now I need to decide on an animal head that might belong in a hot take on surf and turf! Another factor at play in the pop-up flashback is that it’s being hosted by a Japanese chef at a Japanese restaurant, where Gavin has been working and learning for a while now. Is that because a huge part of what I know and enjoy about food is East Asian? YES! LET ME LIVE!

The benefit of going with salmon head for the surf portion of the dish -- as opposed to using a head for the turf -- is that salmon head is easier and cheaper to source (even though ones as huge as described in the story can only really come from some kinds of salmon). It’s also an ingredient that Zabuton is likely to use on a regular basis, since it’s an established part of Japanese cuisine, giving Gavin familiarity with it and a starting point for building his dish. Also also, it’s really fatty, and since Gavin in this story is the kind of chef who gravitates towards blisteringly high heat, I like the thought of what burning the shit out of that head would do.

This dish includes salmon head.

What do I do about the turf? If the surf element and the turf element of the dish are to interact with each other in mutually beneficial ways, the turf can’t be too assertive; it shouldn’t overpower the salmon. Like, grilled flank steak? Great, yes, please, but maybe not the right choice for this.

Fortunately, steak tartare simultaneously tastes subtle enough and looks brutal enough to be a good counterpoint. In a lot of ways, it’s a productive mirror image of the salmon; it’s raw whereas the salmon is charred, it’s lean whereas the salmon is fatty. Nice!

This dish includes steak tartare.

I also do know -- again, from East Asian cooking -- that raw beef works well with salmon roe. Ikura echoes the salmon head that’s in the dish already, so in it goes. Some egg yolk to bind the tartare might not go amiss, especially since I want it to be a scoop-and-eat party-platter dish.

There’s brininess in the ikura and salt throughout, but because it’s essentially an ANIMAL PROTEIN BOMB dish, it needs something sharp to cut all the richness. In addition, everything so far has also been pretty soft; let’s add some elements of acidity and textural interest. Tartare loves a little mustard! Toss in the crackle of a puffed grain (why not millet, rice feels too fragile), the fiber of the chives, and the crunch of rakkyo (doing double duty with its vinegar).

This dish includes ikura, egg yolk, pickled mustard seed, puffed millet, chives, and rakkyo.

For a while I thought that the scoop on the side would be shrimp senbei, because that’s what “chips, but Zabuton” made me think. But I didn’t really love how delicate the senbei would be in this particular dish. It felt like the tartare and salmon would turn the senbei into, like, a thick paste in your mouth?? I was looking for something thinner, a lateral move from a potato chip-- so I tried to think of other ingredients on the root-tuber-rhizome continuum. What can be sliced thin and baked brittle?

I liked lotus root as a choice because it has the right snap, it’s light -- visually as well, with all its perforations! -- and it has more of a pronounced earthy flavor than potatoes, which seemed like a fun way to mix in some plant quality to offset all the animal. Lotus root it is!

This dish includes lotus root chips.

THE END, STEAK TARTARE ON A BED OF CHARGRILLED SALMON HEAD, GARNISHED WITH EGGS TWO WAYS, SERVED WITH LOTUS ROOT CHIPS ON THE SIDE

lmao WHAT A SELF-INDULGENT POST THIS IS, thank you anon for allowing me to talk shop, you are too sweet and I hope you regret what you have done. Additional thanks to tumblr for read-more cuts. Anon I love you! I can’t believe I’ve rambled on at this length about THE PROCESS OF COMING UP WITH A FAKE DISH FOR A FIC but also, I mean, I can believe it, in the sense that it is something I would jump at the chance to do. Thanks for giving me the chance to do it anon! May the wind be ever at your back and the sun shine upon your path!

[sourbat]

Oh my god I'm sorry I only asked for magtock for my friend HAHA uhh how about abigail/charles for 10 instead?

Sounds cool, friend. Charles/Abigail it is. 

A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.

Again, took some liberties with this one. 

Another all-nighter, Abigail muses as she saves and exits a document. A glance of her wristwatch reveals it is nearly midnight. She expels an amused sigh. Fourteen hours today. Not quite as impressive as her seventeen-hour record, but still worthy of a few self-praises. She mentally pats herself on the back, shuts down her laptop and begins packing her belongings, ready to head to her room when the door to her office clicks open. She raises her head and sees Charles slowly making his entrance, looking poignantly reserved, but carrying a frightening weight on each stiffened shoulder.

“Long night?” Abigail asks, smiling clearly as Charles takes a seat in front of her desk.  

Charles rolls his thumb and forefinger into the corners of his eyes. “When is it anything but?” he remarks, shutting them as he presses the appendages into the sockets.

“Would you like to talk about it?

Charles ceases his complaints, raises his head and stares auspiciously at Abigail. Her smile nets his eyes, and without breaking away, he answers, “With you? Always.”

Like always, his response comes off as overly formal. Even his stare, though expressive at its most center, gave off a natural severity to it. Years of important planning, business ventures, and life-threatening scenarios have left each pupil permanently radiating solemnity.

It takes an expert to read between the lines.

Abigail raises a finger. “One sec,” she says, then leaves her desk and heads to one of the shelves tucked in the corner of her office. She picks up a bottle of gin. “Martini?”

He raises one as well; first, to protest, but drops it as the thought lingers. With a glance around the room, Charles relaxes into his seat. “Why not?”

“How dirty do you like it?”

“I like the alcohol to speak for itself.”

Abigail pours an equal amount of vermouth and gin into a mixer. “Coming right up.”

Charles listens to her pour the concoction. A few seconds, then ice clinks into the steel mixer. His eyes shut as she gives it a shake, and when he opens them, smells the subtle tang of green olives wafting in the air.

Holding the drinks, Abigail passes the desk, taking a seat by the dying fire. She places the glasses on a coaster, then reclines into a sofa, resting one leg on top the other. Her tired eyes close, and for a while, it’s the sound of crackling wood and Charles’ footsteps approaching her. She waits until she feels the pressure of the neighboring cushion shift, then, without opening her eyes, asks, “what was it?”  

Charles picks up his drink, then stares into the flames. “The boys tried turning the hallways into a slip-n-slide, with alcohol as their liquid of choice.”

“Sounds like quite the havoc.” Abigail smiles as she hears Charles sigh next to her. She opens her eyes wide enough to catch the glimmer of weakened flames on her right, then runs to her left to rest a hand on Charles’ lap. “Let me guess,” she says, “Toki and Pickles?”

Charles huffs. “And Nathan.”

“Nathan was part of it?”

“He suggested the location,” Charles replies with closed eyes. A hand drags through his furrowed brow, failing to ease the strain of the recent memory. “It was Toki’s idea, and Pickles supplied the alcohol.”  

“How very organized,” Abigail notes, then raises her glass for a sip. She stirs an olive that bobs at the bottom center while Charles contemplates his own. A snicker. “They’re evolving.” 

He stops himself from taking a sip. “That’s not funny,” he warns, but she merely smiles at his frown, then rests her head on his shoulder.  

Dancing shadows begin to stretch as the last of the firewood snaps, cracks in half and reveals its molten red core. Abigail waits, feels the rough knob of Charles’ muscles against her temple, but doesn’t respond to it. She knows he doesn’t mean it. It’s the stress. The long, unpredictable shifts that could easily result in someone’s life ending if one wasn’t careful.

Since meeting Charles, Abigail’s been nothing short of astounded. Charles’ long term connection with Dethklok was an impressive feat on its own; few managers had the honor of sticking with their band for such a long time. More remarkable was the empire he created since launching the band’s career. Abigail knows it’s unusual, perhaps outright insane that she’s spent several hours navigating dangerous hallways loaded with traps, conversing in meetings with klokateers who will likely die by the week’s end, or working alongside a band that seems to draw death in its wake. It is insane, but when she takes a step back and sees the results, the rising bar graphs reaching impossible levels, the scientific breakthroughs and the growing economy, she can’t but push a little more, try a little harder. She does this because she knows she’s part of something great, something far bigger than she can completely comprehend.

Abigail carefully brings the glass to her lips. 

Whatever she’s taking part in, the music she’s helping produce, none of it would be possible if it weren’t for Charles. She sighs a refreshing breath, tasting the remains of a subtle, smooth burn. “Relax,” she says, then, with the hand resting on Charles’ leg, gives it a light pat.  

“Took an hour to clean it up.” A burning piece of wood cracks as the two sit in silence.

Abigail raises her hand, locates Charles’ chin and, with just her index finger, brings it up to meet her expecting stare. “Just say the word, and I’ll have him kissing your feet when I’m done with them.”

Charles’s lidded stare glimmers under the deepening orange flare. His jaw slackens, and lips part. “There’s no need to be cruel.”  

“Are you sure?” she asks, and watches in mild amusement as Charles returns to his drink.

Martini glass pressed under his nose, Charles takes a whiff. His eyes slowly close as he raises the glass to his lips, and takes a hearty gulp. The wood cracks and embers sizzle from the center. Abigail uncrosses her legs to stretch.

Charles swallows. “You sent them to another country.”

“I did.”

“With no money or guards to look after them.”

Drink finished, Abigail takes the olive from her empty glass. “You’re correct,” she says. She bites into her olive and savors its tangy flavor.

Charles stares at the remains of his drink and shakes his head at it. At her. “For music.” 

“And I made damn good music,” Abigail declares, then wraps her arm around Charles’ neck. She pulls him in gently, letting him consciously do the work for her. “And you need a break.”

The words come off too sultry to be professional. Abigail’s aware of this, but doesn’t mind. She’s only been working at Mordhaus for a few months, but since becoming a member of the staff, has spent more than her fair share of tiresome, therapeutic nights with Charles. It had started as a mistake, him entering her office confusing her for a previous assistant, but sticking along to provide her some suggestions when she complained of the many distractions offered by the band. He showed up again a week later, appearing stressed; and she, remembering his service to her, offered her support. Since then, they maintained these impromptu meetings, with one appearing before the other, always unannounced, but usually asking for the same, unspoken thing. Until recently, Abigail assumed it to be good company, but the more she dwells within Mordhaus’ cold walls, the longer she works and watches the expanding empire, and then concludes her day here, in the middle of the night, with him, Abigail isn’t sure she can remain satisfied with such a answer.  

The fire dies, and the light dims, held only by the few lamps Abigail kept on as she worked. Shadows cast over each of their forms, creating dark silhouettes that make it near impossible to read another, but Abigail is confident she sees something glimmer, a sparkle of hope that reflects in Charles’ glasses. 

The door bursts open.

A klokateer steps forward. “My Lord. Madam.”

Charles breaks from Abigail. “What is it?” he asks, weary voice replaced with a more controlled tenor.

The klokateer raises a flashing, red screen. “It’s Lord Skwigelf. He, along with Lord Wartooth and Murderface–”

Sighing, Charles readies to stand up, but is met with Abigail’s arm blocking his path.

“I’ll take of it,” she declares, not looking at Charles until she leaves the seat. She buttons her suit top, runs her hand through the bottom of her weighted hair, and puts on a fresh smile. She faces Charles, appearing before him as a new, refreshed person. “Finish your drink.” 

Charles frowns. He stirs the floating olive as he twirls the glass between his fingers, then, with an exhale, raises the glass and finishes the rest of his drink. Oh, so it’s like, Abigail thinks. Amused, she watches Charles come to stand. Like her, the effects of the day are washed away. He stares firmly at her. “I must insist that you let me talk to the boys.” 

Abigail crosses her arms. “And I insist you let me make their remaining night hell.”

The room goes silent again. Charles narrows his eyes into a testing, but apologetic stare. Abigail easily counters it with one of her own, abundantly filled with immovable determination. 

“We go together,” Charles finally announces. “I will speak with the boys.” 

“And I’ll offer… suggestions,” Abigail adds, watching Charles’ expression shift from concern to approval in a matter of seconds. A snicker unfolds from her person.  “And–”

“And?”

“And if one of them insults you,” Abigail leads, watching Charles’s brows lift at the unfinished suggestion, “then maybe I come up with a suitable punishment that makes them second guess their actions?”

Charles fixes his glasses. “Nothing…drastic, alright?”

“Of course, Mr. Offdensen,” Abigail replies. It’s dark, but the few remaining embers behind her light up enough to catch the formation of a small, relieved smile. “Alright,” she says, louder so that the klokateer can hear, “let’s go then.” 

Charles nods. “Of course,” he responds, then offers her his hand. “Lead the way.

It’s the first time he’s offered. Abigail says nothing, but gives a proud nod, and as she turns to the turn, feels the weight of the alcohol lift her spirits, fluttering across her chest as she approaches the door. A hand brushes her, large and cooler, and when she reaches for a coat, takes it from the hanger, rises and turns, meets soft lips brushing against her.

It’s a moment in time that ends quicker than either can register, and with a klokateer describing the unfolding events, how the guitarists challenged each other to a series of games, and after a row, were evenly matched, thought it was best to drive drunk to the nearest Round One and conclude their marathon, neither has time to react, much less respond to the fading embers of affection. Abigail listens intently, and Charles by her side, neither expressing anything more than what’s expected, and neither giving the other more than the sporadic, but overly professional glance.

A hellicopter takes flight. Its passengers huddle close, standing beside one another, arm around waist, another carrying a set of binoculars to locate the three missing guitarists.

Under the roaring turbines, a hand shifts across the side, sending a welcoming shiver.

Green eyes flutter. A head rests on a shoulder, and hair pools and flows gently in the wind.

It's the beginning of a brand new day, and Charles finally smiles.

A klokateer assigned with cleaning enters the office sometimes later, finds the lingering warmth and empty glasses. Sensing a return, they replace the sullied glasses in preparation for round two, walk to the fireplace, and add logs and set the hearth aflame.

[redvoid-40]

In the woods there grew a tree - part 6 / AN

Hi guys! Here’s a new chapter and with it comes a little announcement: I’m going to stop posting this fic here on tumblr. So, from now on, new chapters will only be found on my AO3 account. (here is the link for the fic)

Sorry about that, but it seems there’s only a handful of people reading the fic here, and it’s much easier to update chapters on AO3.

I hope you all understand and that I get to see you on Ao3 as well! :)

Kisses, RedVoid

Previous chapter 

For all the differences between human and troll physiology, Angor Rot had always met all of Charo’s needs as a baby and then as a child. But, and that was a secret only he knew, he had help.

When he first brought the baby to his village, Angor Rot did not know what to feed her. The first day with Charo had been torture for the troll, as he listened to the baby cry in hunger with no idea what to give her. When night fell, he began wandering the woods with her, trying to offer berries, tree-sap and even tiny pieces of meat of a bird he had shot down, but the baby refused every time as her loud cries echoed in the dark woods and into his heart.

Suddenly, a goat bleated, a high, ear-grating sound that for one blissful second nullified Charo’s anguish. Curious, Angor Rot followed the sound to find a female goat standing alone in the middle of the woods, on the same spot from where he had taken Charo. The goat had a rope tied loosely around her neck that, keeping her bound to a nearby tree, and besides the animal, Angor found a metal pot with a wooden cup and spoon inside.

The troll frowned, adjusting the crying baby in his arms. He remembered that once, a long time ago, he had miscalculated the time during one of his patrols and ended up stuck hidden in the shade of a couple of trees just outside a farm, waiting for the sun to set. That day, Angor had watched the human family that lived there go around their day with something close to fascination in his eyes, and one thing he had watched them do was milk a goat such as this.

Animals are nursed with milk, Angor mused, staring down at the hungry baby in his arms.

Without a second thought, the troll untied the goat from the tree and took her back to the village.

---

After that day, Angor Rot returned to that very spot every night in a row. At the end of the next moon cycle, on the first day of the new moon, he found out how the goat had come to be in his woods.

It’s her.

Hidden in the shadows, Angor Rot watched a woman run into his woods; and it was not just any woman, but the very one who had abandoned Charo: her mother. And much like the first time Angor had seen her, the woman carried an oil-lamp in one hand, and a basket in the other. She walked to the very tree to which she had tied the goat and looked around, as if hoping to see something or someone. When nothing happened she let out a deep sigh and lowered the basket to the grass before walking out of the woods.

Once Angor Rot was certain the woman would not return, he approached the basket. There he found blankets, baby clothes, and two large jars, one filled with smashed vegetables and another with smashed fruits.

And much like he had done with the goat, Angor took the basket back to the village.

---

Every first day of the new moon, without mistake, Charo’s mother would leave gifts for her.

The Troll Leader had done the possible and impossible to learn how to care for and feed a human child without having to resort to her mother’s silent help. Observing other animals, he figured out what types of fruits, leaves and mushrooms a human could eat, and he learned how to cook game meat and bone-marrow stews, all to make sure his little Charo was well-fed and healthy.

However, there were things in the gifts her mother left in the woods that were too far from what Angor Rot knew and consumed as a troll for him to provide for Charo. Bread, cakes, cheese, fruit preserves, farm vegetables - fresh and pickled -, grains, oats… all things Angor could not find in the woods, and that Charo greatly enjoyed. Besides food, the woman also provided a book on medicinal herbs which Angor had referred to whenever Charo as much as sneezed, and clothes and shoes that, somehow, always were a perfect fit for the growing child.

Angor Rot watched the woman leave the gifts on every new moon, but he had never approached or told Charo about her. He could say it was because he hated the woman who had abandoned his Charo to die in the woods, or because he didn’t trust her and thought it was a trap to find his people. But there was also a deeper truth to his hesitance: he was scared. Scared that Charo and her mother would want to meet one another, scared that Charo would choose her mother over him and leave.

But now, despite his anger, distrust and fear, Angor Rot would have to confront his daughter’s mother, because Charo would need to leave regardless of his feelings on the matter and for that, he needed the woman’s help.

---

It was the first day of the second new moon of Spring. Angor Rot had spent the entire day visibly agitated, and it had only got worse now that it was night-time and he found himself hidden on top of a tree, standing watch over the place where Charo’s mother usually left her offerings. Part of him wished she wouldn’t show up, wished the woman would at last forget Charo ever existed. If she did, then Angor would have no other choice but to protect her from the Gumm-Gumms himself, keeping her close to him for decades to come.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Angor was ashamed of himself. How could he even entertain putting his selfish wants over Charo’s needs? No matter how lonely he’d become once she was far from him; as long as she was safe and happy he could deal with anything that was thrown his way. And maybe, when Gunmar was a thing of the past, his little girl would come back to him, this time forever.

With that thread-bare comfort in mind, Angor Rot laid the back of his head against the tree bark behind him, watching the foliage billow in the wind. A sudden gust flew through him, chilling Angor to his core. It was cold and strong, as if Winter was trying to rake in a couple last breaths out of its season.

It’s time for both of us to let go, Angor thought sadly, yellow eyes moving back to the ground, where a weak light shone through the trees. The human woman had just crossed into his line of sight, carrying a large basket on her back with what Angor Rot assumed were clothes for the coming season. As always, she stood by her tree, palm rubbing gently against the rough bark as she watched the shadows with longing in her eyes. Angor had watched that scene many times before, but this was the first time he noticed the woman’s eyes; they were sad and lonely, a mirror of his own.

In that moment, Angor felt an inexplicable closeness to the woman, as if they were the same.

Chest tight, the troll jumped down from his tree, making just enough noise to alert the human he was there. The woman jumped in fright and fell on her behind before him as her eyes raked up his stone form, noticing every crack and root before at last settling in his glowing eyes.

“It’s you…” She let out, voice a strained whisper of pain and wonder. “You’re the troll from that night. The one who saved my baby.” She scrambled to her feet and latched herself on him, fragile hands closing around his much larger one with a strength he didn’t expect. “Please, tell me of her! Is she safe? Is she healthy? Is she… happy?”

“She’s not your baby,” Angor spoke, but regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth at the heartbroken look on the human’s face. Much more softly, he added. “But she’s healthy and happy.”

Tears in her eyes, the woman smiled as her hold around his hand fell. “Yes, of course. I shouldn’t have said that. I know don’t have the right, but… would you tell me more of her? Please, my lord, I beg of you.”

Angor sighed and retrieved the basket she left on the floor. Looking inside he noticed he was right: there were a couple of lighter tunics and pants for the Spring, and a pair of sturdy but airier leather boots that would do nicely in replacing the heavy pair she wore on Winter. Lately, Charo was growing so fast she was going through her clothes and shoes at an alarming rate.

“I never thanked you for your gifts,” Angor spoke, the words weird on his mouth. “They’ve come in handy multiple times. The medical book especially.”

“W-Why? Is she a sickly child?” The woman asked, despair back in her voice. “I feared she could have a frail health. My mother has never dealt well with harsh Winters and-”

“Like I said, she’s healthy,” Angor cut in, not unkindly. “She’s had a few ‘sniffles’ and ‘bellyaches’ but she always recovered quickly. It’s been longer than a year since she last fell down with something. Still, it was heart wrenching whenever she felt unwell and the book helped ease her pains.”

“Oh, I’m glad,” the woman said, smiling once more. “Thank you for caring for her, my lord.”

“Don’t… Don’t call me that. I’m not your cruel, human leader,” the troll said, scowling at the ground. “My name is Angor Rot.”

“Of course, I’m deeply sorry,” the woman spoke and then, surprising him to no end, she bowed her head and performed a courtesy. “My name is Emma. I’m forever in your debt for taking care of my- I mean, of Charo.”

After fifteen years, Angor Rot at last had a name for the face of Charo’s mother. It tore at the wall of resentment and distrust he had built between them, and made him see her more as her own person than just another fleshbag. Made him wonder if, when she had abandoned Charo in his woods, she had been faced with the same dilemma that stood before him right now.

“Emma,” Angor called her name, noticing that it didn’t taste bitter in his tongue. “I’m sure you must be wondering why I showed myself to you tonight. Must know there’s a reason more than just putting a name to a face.”

Emma looked at anywhere but him, and Angor was taken aback at how much she resembled Charo in that moment. The more he looked, the more he could see his daughter’s face in the woman’s.

“I must admit the thought crossed my mind,” Emma said, raising her large eyes back to his. “Is there something wrong with Charo?”

Angor nodded sadly.  “How much time can you spare?”

“I can’t stay gone the whole night. If my husband finds out I’m here…” Emma’s voice trailed off, but the fear in her was almost tangible. It added to Angor’s suspicions that abandoning Charo had not been her idea. “But I have a little time to spare. He thinks I’m playing cards with my mother and his.”

“I will walk you to the edge of the forest as I explain the situation then,” Angor settled, settling the basket on his back. 

“Thank you, my lo- I mean, Angor. Angor Rot,” Emma said with another curtesy. “You’re most kind.”

Angor frowned at the human’s weird formalities and turned around to begin their march. “You asked me of Charo’s wellbeing, and I answered she is happy and healthy...”

“Yes?”

“But she might not be safe.”

---

As quickly and concisely as he could, Angor Rot explained the situation to Emma. From the threat that her human lord and Gunmar represented to them, to Charo’s ever-growing physical strength and his own lack of knowledge to teach her magic properly, to help her become more.

“I don’t understand, Angor Rot,” Emma spoke as they broke the woods’ treeline. In the distance they could see a few lamps-lit windows in the village and castle. “What can I possibly do to help? The reason…” Her voice caught in her throat as she lowered her eyes to her feet. “The reason I had to leave Charo was her magic. Her father-”

“I’m her father!” Angor snarled, causing Emma to jump back in fright. She dropped to her knees, sobbing her apologies, and the scene made the troll’s stone heart tighten inside his chest. Slowly, he kneeled by her and laid a comforting hand on her bowed head. “It’s alright, Emma. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m sorry.”

The woman raised her gaze back to him. Her eyes were already red and filled with tears, and from this close Angor saw a green-ish shadow on her left cheekbone. He thought it was a strange place to bruise and wondered how she had fallen and hit her face. Then he realised that, unlike Charo’s frequently scraped knees and elbows, that bruise didn’t come from falling on the ground.

“The human lord is cruel to his own kin, it seems,” Angor Rot spoke, gently helping Emma back on his feet. “I can see now. Leaving Charo with me was not cowardice, it was bravery. You are a brave human, Emma.”

Emma’s eyes shone in wonder, as if that was the first time someone had ever complimented her. “You really are kind, Angor Rot,” She whispered as she dried her tears on the back of her hands. “I’m so happy you were there that night. If my husband ever found out… If he ever put his hands on Charo...”

“He won’t,” Angor promised. “I will never allow him the chance.”

Emma nodded as she gazed back at the village. “I won’t either. Even if it costs me my life,” She said, and when she looked back at him, her teary eyes had hardened. “Tell me, Angor Rot. What can I do for Charo?”

The troll sighed as he looked to the dark horizon.

“Overseas, there is a kingdom called Camelot. There lives a Wizard named Merlin...”

[feistypaants-archived]

False Positive [Chapter 7]

Rating: M Words: 1933 Pairing: Kristanna Summary: When things don’t go according to plan and Anna finds herself alone and pregnant, she looks to her sister’s best friend, Kristoff, and almost makes a huge mistake.

[Chapter Index]

Where To Read: [AO3]

Notes: sorry for that wait! For.... something that’s not super exciting! Wheeeee. Might do some insert ficlets eventually but for now here we are :^)

Tryin to power through some chaps for a specific reason. Hope this doesn’t disappoint! 

Enjoy!

Slowly they had started telling everyone. Elsa wanted to know more specific details, and after staying up late on video chat, they felt like they had come to a pretty good story. 

It was about a month ago, she and Hans had gotten into a huge fight and split up. She had thought it was permanent and was frustrated and upset, and Kristoff wanted to help…. so they had a one night stand. When Hans found out, he was rightfully angry, which is why they’re not together right now. No, she didn’t know if they ever would be again, considering how angry Hans was.

No, she and Kristoff weren’t together, and no, they didn’t have any plans to be. They were still close friends and fully planned to co-parent, but that didn’t mean they had to get together.

Kristoff had an extra room in his apartment, and offered it up to her if she felt that would be easier. 

Anna, after crying because she couldn’t believe how nice he was being during all of this, agreed.

So they’d be living together, for now. Not dating. Preparing for a child. But… not dating.

That was exactly how people said it to them when they found out, as if they couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea of them not even giving it a chance. Clearly they had to have liked each other somewhat to hook up, and they were so close, it just made sense!

But Kristoff and Anna were not prepared to cross that line. A kid was enough of a commitment. They didn’t need or want to complicate it even further. “Besides,” Anna would laugh, pushing against his shoulder, “He’s too good for me. He’ll get someone way better. If we tried, I’d just screw it up. I’m a mess like that.”

Kristoff just forced out a smile, as if he were laughing along.

“You’re perfect,” he’d say, and she’d blush and turn her head away. 

He cleared out his guest room of all the junk he had been storing and helped Anna move herself in. It took a couple weeks of doing a lot of purging, but she managed to cut her important belongings down to just enough to fit in the room, with a baby and all to come.

Elsa wasn’t sure about all of this, and kept pulling Kristoff aside, as if she knew something Anna didn’t… but Anna tried her best not to worry. Kristoff was one of her best friends, and one of the best people she had ever known. He wouldn’t keep anything from her! If it affected her, she’d know about it.

So she did her best not to worry, and moved into the spare bedroom in his apartment. 

They had to share a bathroom which took some getting used to, but he gave her her space when it was a pregnancy issue, and she gave him his whenever they were spending just a little too much time together. 

Anna didn’t work at the moment and figured there wasn’t much of a point now that she’d have to go on maternity leave soon, so she spent most of her days lounging around his apartment. When she was particularly bored, she’d shove her swollen feet into his big shoes and make her way to the bar, smiling wide as he laughed at her appearance.

“You’re cute,” he’d chuckle, as she spun around to show off her ‘Sweet Fit’, as they kids were apparently calling it. Leggings with an extra stretchy waist, an old t-shirt, usually with holes, and his smallest sneakers that were still miles too large for her tiny feet. “Do I even own any of my clothing anymore?”

“Nope!” Her smile grew brighter, if it were possible. “Pregnant Lady gets to take ownership of whatever she so chooses.”

When he got home from work, they’d sit on the couch, her legs draped over his lap as he ran his fingers over her warm skin. He’d tell her about his day, she’d let him know all the current happenings of her soap operas and television dramas. She’d fall asleep against the arm rest and he’d carry her into her bedroom, hesitating in the doorway as she mumbled a soft and sleepy goodnight. 

Every once in a while, Anna would wake up in the middle of the night, and slide her feet shamefully across the hallway, knocking on the other bedroom door. “Kristoff? Psst.”

“Hmm?” He woke up slowly, blinking up at her backlit form.

“I need something.”

“What’s that?”

Anna toed the ground, biting at her lower lip. The problem is, she never really knew. They’d go to the late night corner store and she’d look at everything until it struck her. Usually it was something standard like pickles or cheese or salami, but occasionally they’d come home with sauerkraut and she’d eat it straight from the jar. 

Kristoff tried to forget about the time she piled the sauerkraut onto chocolate and said it was the best thing she had ever eaten. 

When he started to deny her the weirder cravings, Anna decided she needed to learn how to cook. She’d try her best to make him dinner most nights, especially if she was bored at home all day. Some things were great successes! They devoured her slow cooked pulled pork sandwiches. Others, like some sort of jellied meat dish, didn’t go over so well. 

“Why. Just… why?” Kristoff asked, poking at it with his knife. 

“I dunno!” She was already scraping the remainder of it into the trash. “It sounded good at the time and seemed like a fun challenge.” 

They ordered pizza that night. 

He rubbed her back and feet when she was aching, and ran her a hot bath if she was particularly miserable. She brought him cookies at the bar if she felt like she could move. He went with her to all of her doctors’ appointments and mommy classes and helped her learn to breathe through the pain with the Lamaze technique. 

She couldn’t help but kiss him on the corner of his mouth when they found out it was going to be a boy. He had turned bright red, but a dorky smile tugged at his lips. 

Anna decided that was the perfect time to go to the store and work on their registry. So she grabbed his hand, smiling as she scanned practically everything in the store, and Kristoff wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he took off everything that was even bordering on superfluous. 

They had found a balance and it was seeming to work for them, even if their friends and family were saying they should just go for it. Kristoff didn’t want a relationship, and Anna was, quite frankly, still a little damaged from Hans. So this worked. They were content to be best friends, and stay best friends.

——

Anna sighed as she moved around the room. She had just entered into the third trimester, and everything was becoming very, incredibly real. They had rearranged her room, making space for the crib, changing table, and anything else that was needed. Kristoff had built a little baby dresser, just to hold all the littlest essentials, and Anna had almost wept when she saw it for the first time. It was so tiny. She was having a hard time realizing anything could be so tiny. 

She sat down hard on the bed and sighed, rubbing circles over her belly. When Kristoff appeared in the doorway, she looked up at him with tired eyes. “I can’t sleep on my stomach anymore. This is the worst.”

“I know.”

“And he just keeps kicking me.”

“I know.”

“Why did I agree to this?”

Kristoff shrugged and walked into the room with a laugh. “That, I do not know.” He sat down beside her and immediately moved a soothing hand across her back. “You okay?”

“It’s…” she sighed and leaned against him. “It’s really real. And this plan… really worked…” 

His hand stopped for a fraction of a second, but Anna noticed. 

“It did.”

“I hate being pregnant.”

Kristoff’s cheek was now pressed against the top of her head. “Don’t you want a ton of kids?”

“Not anymore.”

She was pouting.

“You’ll change your mind when you meet him.” He shrugged. “Or there’s always adoption.”

Wrapping her arms around his waist, Anna couldn’t help but sniffle as tears were brimming her eyelashes. Damn hormones. “Thank you,” she mumbled, pressing her nose into his neck. “Seriously. For everything.”

“Eh,” he shrugged, waving a hand in front of them. “It’s nothing.”

“I figure once he’s born and we’ve settled down we can do the paternity tests and…” she paused, her arms squeezing tighter around his waist. “You’ll be off the hook.”

“I’m not on any hook.”

“Well, you can leave if you want. And no one will think anything of it.”

“Anna, I’m—.”

“Like… I get it. You don’t want kids, right? This isn’t your responsibility. I still can’t believe you invited me to live with you.” 

“I wanted—.”

“I should’ve said no, though, I think. I think this is going to be harder when I have to leave.”

“Anna, you don’t—.”

“I’m sorry I put you in this situation. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Anna!” His voice grew louder and more stern. “Stop.”

She quieted then, keeping her eyes trained on the floor in front of them. “Sorry.”

“I wouldn’t have invited you to live here if I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t have agreed to do it if I didn’t care, okay?” 

She looked up at him with wet eyes, wiping at her face and nose.

“No matter what, you’re my best friend, okay?” He placed one palm to her cheek before pressing a firm kiss against her forehead. “I care about you and want what’s best for you and your kid. No matter what.”

Anna stared at him for a moment, for hours, for days. He couldn’t tell you. But when she leaned up and kissed him, really kissed him, he felt his entire body melt. Everything about her warmed him from his core to his fingertips, and he wasn’t sure why, but right in that moment he decided he was going to tell her how he felt.

Not now. 

But soon.

His hand flexed at his side, desperate to touch her and kiss her more, but knowing that this wasn’t the time. When she pulled away, eyes panicked and cheeks flushed, he immediately lifted that hand to the back of his head.

“Sorry!” Her hands clasped over her mouth, her eyes wide and still damp, looking anywhere but at him. “Oh, jeez… you were just being so nice and you should know that I can’t help but kiss nice m—“

They both froze, and Kristoff shook his head. “No worries. It’s all good. Just…” he patted her shoulder before letting it fall back to it’s spot between her shoulderblades. “Pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Okay. Okay.” She sat up and looked around the room. “Geez….” Anna lifted her fingers to her chin in thoughts. “Hopefully anything else we need we’ll get at the baby shower tomorrow…”

“Oh, yeah,” he nodded, letting his hand slide off of her back. “Ma said to be there a little early so we can do just a family thing before all the friends get there. That okay?”

Anna nodded and smiled, stretching her arms over her head. “Absolutely. You’re the best fake baby daddy a girl could ask for.”

He laughed, but felt his heart tighten. “What are friends for?”

What are friends for.

[lampmeeting]

For the challenge: All of the band members decide to pull a prank on Toki where they hide to make Toki belive that everyone has dissapeared/ he's the last man on earth kind of scenerio. It's funny at first as Toki wanders around Mordhaus looking for them and taking advantage of grabbing the other guy's stuff without repercussion but ends with Toki in tears shaking at the thought of being completely alone, leaving the guys feeling super guilty. Hurt/comfort?

all righty let’s do thisssss!!! :D (this was a very sweet idea so i hope i did just justice)

----

Pickles smothered a giggle into the back of his hand. “Lookit that sad dildo go.”

He, Nathan, and Skwisgaar leaned over Murderface’s shoulders to watch the multiple video feeds on the Dethpad. Toki wandered from room to room, and Murderface made sure to click each nanny cam feed to follow him around Mordhaus as he went.

“Hello?” came Toki’s static-laced voice from far away. “Skwisgaar? Pickle? Nathans? Moidaface?”

Nathan grunted a short laugh. “I can’t believe we actually got the klokateers to fuck off for a whole hour. This is great. He probably thinks everyone’s fucking dead.”

Toki continued looking around, searching for anyone and calling names. “Charles? Knubblers? A-Abigail?”

The boys kept snickering as Toki made his way down the hall that led to each of their rooms, peeking hesitantly into each one. When he reached Skwisgaar’s room he stepped inside and then moved off-camera for a moment. “What’s he doings?” Skwisgaar asked, poking at the screen. “Zooms in, makes it bigger.”

Murderface pulled the Dethpad away from him. “Hey, no touching! You’ll break it!”

“Guys, guys,” said Nathan. “Look.”

Toki moved back into view, tugging a sleeveless black shirt over his head and then adjusting a familiar belt buckle.

Skwisgaar reeled back, offended to his core. “Oh FUCKS no! Dat’s it, I’ms gonna kills him!”

“You’ll ruin the prank,” Nathan growled. “Chill the fuck out, this is funny.”

“To yous. Dats ams my clothes he’s stretchings out.”

Toki spent a while in Skwisgaar’s room, trying out his guitars, lying in his bed. Skwisgaar at one point had to be physically restrained from leaving. Eventually Toki sat up and exited the bedroom, dragging his hand along the wall until he reached the game room.

“Guys?” he cried out. “Anyones? Ams anyones here?”

The boys watched as he sat down on the couch, rubbed at his eyes, and sniffled loud enough for them to hear through the nanny cam.

Pickles groaned. “Ah, jeez.”

Toki started to sob. Just a little at first, softly, like he expected someone to catch him doing it, and then louder and with less restraint when it became obvious that he was completely alone.

Murderface lowered the Dethpad to address the other three members of the band. “Okay, this is just getting lame. I don’t wanna sit here and watch him fucking cry.”

“Ya,” said Skwisgaar, “lets go makes fun of hims insteads.”

Toki buried in his face in his hands, shaking and weeping like an abandoned child, and then he heard the four pairs of boots entering the room. He lifted his head, blinking through thick tears. “Ohh,” he moaned, lurching to his feet, “you’s backs. I thoughts--I-I thoughts everyones leaving Tokis behind for good.” He raced towards his brothers and smothered them all in a massive hug.

The four of them shared a guilty look as they hugged him back, all of them knowing they could never tell Toki it had been a prank. It didn’t feel very funny anymore.

Nathan gave Toki’s head a pat. “Uhh, there there.”

Toki sniffled again and nuzzled his face into Skwisgaar’s chest, arms still squeezing around the others. “Sorry I takes your clothes, Skwisgaar.”

“...Y’know what, keeps dem.”

[makeste]

Top 10 Favorite Deku Moments

so it’s Deku’s birthday today!! and since he is the best boy in the world and I love him, I am going to do one of those “top ten favorite...” lists for him just like I did for Kacchan back in April. these are going to be in chronological order, and the last two will be spoilers, so I’ll label them to make sure no one gets caught unawares.

happy birthday Deku. and this post turned out to be super long, like 4000 words, so I’m sorry, but you deserve it though.

1. “Most of the top heroes show signs of greatness even as children.”

okay so before I get started, let me just warn y’all upfront that a full four out of ten of these moments will involve Bakugou. I’ve said before that the relationship between Izuku and Katsuki is full stop my favorite part of the series, and this is absolutely still true, so yeah.

that being said, what makes this particular scene one of my favorites isn’t just that it’s an important moment between them (I’ll get into that relationship more two entries down); it also just so happens that this is the crucial moment which everything else in the series can ultimately be traced back to. this is the moment that inspires All Might to hand his power down to a quirkless middle-schooler, because despite being virtually powerless, Izuku proves that he has the heart and soul of a hero. he moves without thinking, without any kind of plan. it’s extraordinarily stupid, and incredibly selfless. it doesn’t matter to him that he has no way to actually fight this villain. it doesn’t matter that less than an hour ago, Bakugou was taunting him and burning his notebook. it doesn’t matter that he could easily be hurt or killed. the only thing that matters is that someone needs help. that’s it. it’s that simple. 

what makes Izuku a hero is that he is literally incapable of standing by and not taking action in moments like this. he acts on reflex to save others. his instinct in moments of danger and despair is to help, in any way he can. that’s the core of his character. and it shines through in this moment, and All Might sees it immediately, and it spurs him to take action, and from here on out everything changes.

2. “He didn’t utilize his full power. He just concentrated it into his fingertip...!”

fast-forward to the first day of superhero school, and our boy finds himself immediately in a tight spot again because his teacher is a stern and unsympathetic asshole whose way of showing consideration for his students is to mercy-expel anyone he deems not up to par. problem is, Izuku can’t actually use his new quirk without blowing himself up from the inside out, and he’s competing against what is probably the most gifted group of students U.A. has ever had. this is what is commonly referred to as “a pickle.” a jam. a quandary, if you will. if he breaks all his bones to pass the test, Aizawa will flunk him anyway. what’s a little green hero to do.

Izuku solves this problem in a typical Izuku fashion, meaning that his solution is somehow reckless, self-sacrificing, and frankly brilliant in its simplicity. rather than break all of his bones, Izuku sacrifices one (1) bone in order to launch a baseball into space, thus proving he can adapt his quirk to be useful without taking himself out and just adding to the problem.��it’s worth noting that this is only his second-ever time using One for All, too. the fact that he has never had a quirk in his life up til this point and yet manages to control OFA to this degree on just his second go-around is damn impressive.

but what’s even more impressive is the way he simply outsmarts the test here. he calmly takes in the situation, thinks about the options at his disposal, and arrives at a logical solution that most people wouldn’t even have considered, because it involves intentionally breaking his own finger, which is an absurdly self-destructive thing to do just to pass a damn fitness test. but it works!! and it impresses the shit out of Aizawa too. and I just really love this moment because it’s such a perfect example of Deku both being smart and also just plain not giving a fuck and being the plussest ultra ever omfg.

3. “I can’t say much. But you should know this, at least...!”

so now we come to the second moment on this list involving Kacchan, and already there is a pattern emerging here: namely, that these moments of conflict and then reconciliation between the two of them inevitably end up being some of the most pivotal moments in the series. this particular scene comes on the heels of their battle in All Might’s first hero class, during which Deku soundly defeats Bakugou and makes it clear beyond all doubt that HE IS HERE!! and not going anywhere and Bakugou is just going to have to deal. Bakugou does a very poor job of dealing, however, and spends the rest of the afternoon super-quiet and caught up in his inferiority complex and convinced that Deku has been hiding this from him their whole childhood just to fuck with him.

most people, when put in a similar situation, would be all “fucking serves you right tbh” and just brush it right off. but Izuku doesn’t. or more accurately, I should say that he can’t. once again he acts on pure instinct when Kacchan’s welfare is involved, and this time it results in him blurting out his biggest secret -- a secret he was sworn to by All Might himself -- simply because he can’t stand to see Kacchan so miserable and he can’t bear the thought of him believing that Izuku really had been tricking him.

this is so extraordinary to me for a number of reasons. first and foremost, because Izuku’s altruism knows absolutely no bounds. he and Kacchan are on possibly the worst terms any two people could be on. he has absolutely no obligation to tell him this. but he does, anyway! just to make him feel better! second, there’s the fact that he doesn’t intend to do it, but it just comes blurting out. Izuku’s feelings toward Kacchan are complicated, as we know. and yet whatever the reason may be, Izuku demonstrates again and again that it’s a relationship he wants to hold onto, and he does his best to protect and preserve what little pieces of it he can. 

and lastly, this is now the second example of what will become a well-established theme in the series of Izuku going out of his way to save Katsuki. he does this again and again. he tries to help him after he falls from the log bridge. he rushes to save him from the sludge monster. he tells him about his quirk. he nearly fails their final exam because he goes back for him after All Might knocks him out. he runs into a forest full of villains to try and save him in spite of having two broken arms. he goes to Kamino with Kirishima and the others knowing full well it could get him expelled. and he fights him at night in Ground Beta even though they get into trouble for it later, because he sees how much pain Katsuki is in and he can’t turn his back on him. 

over and over again he puts himself in harm’s way for Katsuki’s sake, fully expecting no gratification to ever come from it, but doing it anyway. because he’s a hero, and because heroes don’t ask whether or not someone deserves to be saved. they just save them. this to me is the most incredible aspect of Izuku’s character. his heart is just that big. he is exceptionally, impossibly selfless and forgiving and good. and that’s just who he is. and Bakugou is lucky enough to be on the receiving end of that, whether he likes it or not, and ultimately over the course of these repeated encounters, he ends up changing for the better himself. and this moment in particular will, eventually, lead to the two of them actually reconciling for realsies when Bakugou finally figures it out and is subsequently inducted into the OFA Scooby Squad of Destiny. so yeah. this scene is so fucking important I can’t even begin. god I really went off on a tangent there. anyways.

4. “And Todoroki... isn’t you!”

so here’s another battle which highlights Izuku’s willingness to go to absurd and horrifying lengths to sacrifice himself for the sake of others. this entire fight is nothing short of ridiculous. Deku is ridiculous. let me break it down for you. Todoroki comes up to Deku before this fight and is all “hey I made a vow to never use my left side in battle because my dad only had me to use me as a tool to defeat All Might and he basically ruined my life.” in response, Deku says he’s aiming to become the strongest hero and so he’ll definitely win. he then proceeds to break his own fingers to blast Todoroki with repeated OFA attacks, all the while screaming at him that everyone is going all out and doing their best, and it’s arrogant and disrespectful of Todo to think he can beat their determination with only half of his power. 

Deku has absolutely zero regard for his own well-being in this fight -- by the end of the battle his bones are in splinters -- and his teachers observe that even if he does win, he won’t be in any kind of shape to move on to the next match. basically, he throws aside all of his own ambitions and even his own sense of self-preservation (if he even has one; it’s honestly debatable at this point you guys), all for the sole purpose of helping Todoroki realize that his power is his own and not his father’s, and to break free of the revenge-tinted tunnel vision keeping him from following his own dreams. the whole thing leaves Todoroki awestruck, and even though Deku eventually loses the fight, he gains a friend for life, and Todo fans everywhere are in his debt. 

real fucked up what he did to his fingers, though. but it just goes to show that nobody is perfect.

5. “I’m here to save you, Iida!”

I freaking love this moment you guys, and I can’t even explain why. except that who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned last-minute shounen save? Iida is seconds away from meeting his death at the hands of the world’s most annoyingly long-winded Ninjas Turtles cosplayer when Deku drops in out of nowhere and just socks the guy square in the jaw. it is satisfying as fuck. honestly that would have been awesome enough, but what makes it even better is that Horikoshi goes into some detail to explain that Deku didn’t just coincidentally happen to find Iida at the exact crucial moment, but actually used his Big Hero Brain to deduce Iida’s location through a series of shrewd observations and insightful hunches. and he turns out to be bang on the money, and that moment where Stain is reeling from the punch and Iida is looking up at him like, “Midoriya?!” and Deku sticks the landing in slow motion and says “Bingo!” in fucking English is just so fucking badass, guys. not to mention that this is also the debut of his Shoot Style on top of everything else. to sum up, this is one of the best entrances in the entire series, and just one of the coolest things Deku has ever done, IMO. you’re cool, Deku.

6. “You clocked me with all of your heart.”

yeah so you may at this point be sensing a pattern with some of these moments. yet again Deku does something stupid and risky because he sees Kacchan in trouble and all logic and reason immediately fly out the window. in this case it’s even more ridiculous, because Katsuki is not actually in any real danger at all, and by going back for him Izuku completely loses sight of what Katsuki got himself all beat up for in the first place. and yet he does it anyway! again! without thinking! like, he makes it maybe two steps away, and then he overhears Kacchan’s teary-eyed overdramatic and determined speech, and he immediately goes “oh fuck this I can’t do this” and turns back and grins maniacally at All Might before soundly punching the shit out of him. it is complete nonsense. there is no reason for it. Katsuki himself is furious when he finds out about it later. but does Deku care?? no, he does not care. and do I? no I do not because it’s the best and I love it.

7. “Let’s do our best, okay?”

this scene is feels city you guys. feels o’clock. zero dark feels. I almost put the “you’re next” scene here instead, but in the end this scene won out because (1) hug!! and (2) this is really the continuation of all of those emotions anyway, and it’s where the catharsis is at.

so let’s break this down since there’s a ton going on here. Deku is wrestling with the grief of knowing that All Might the hero, the Symbol of Peace, is gone forever. the pillar he and the rest of the world relied on to always be there isn’t there, any more. that sense of security is gone. and that’s a hard enough thing to come to grips with on its own, but put it together with the knowledge that he is the one who needs to step up now and fill those shoes, before he ever expected to, before he’s ready, and I can only begin to imagine how overwhelmed he must feel. and then on top of that!! All Might tells him he’s proud of him and relieved that he made it out of Kamino unharmed! and he tells him that he’s going to be there for him and that they’ll face the challenges up ahead together.

so for poor Deku, when you put that all together, we’ve got (a) that sense of loss, (b) fear and anxiety over the unknown difficulties to come, (c) various imposter syndrome feelings that he might not be good enough to handle it, (d) whatever misplaced guilt he may be dealing with for being one of the reasons All Might lost his power, however inevitable it might have been, and last but not least, (e) the deeply profound and humbling feeling of being loved and supported by the man he loves like a father, and knowing that no matter how scary things get, he won’t have to do this alone. so in spite of everything else, there’s that sense of relief and gratitude there too. he can do this. it will be okay. his dad is there.

all of that emotion, packed in one tearful hug. no wonder the kid is crying his eyes out. I would be too. in fact I did, and have no shame in doing so, and I would do it again. good job Horikoshi.

8. “This fight may very well have been a meaningless one... but...”

motherfucker did I not warn you there would be four different BakuDeku moments in this?? and that’s with me reining myself in too to be quite frank. that’s just how it is. it’s my list!! 

anyway, so I’m not sure whether or not an entire fight counts as a “moment”, but I’m putting it out there anyway because I’m incapable of narrowing this down any more than that. I could have an entire separate list of Top Ten Deku VS Kacchan Part 2 Moments and I’m sure I would still wind up leaving something out. I love all of it. the whole damn thing. it’s such a huge turning point for them both. they finally sort everything out. truth bombs being hurled left and right. it’s so good. agh.

but here are some of Deku’s highlights: (1) immediately shifting from trying to talk Kacchan down to fighting him outright with no hesitation once he realizes what the fight is actually about, (2) despite knowing how Kacchan feels, allowing himself to be just a bit selfish for once and get caught up in his own rival feels and trying to prove his worth as All Might’s successor, (3) complimenting Kacchan in the middle of the fight because of course he does, (4) openly admitting how much he admired Kacchan growing up and that he thought he was amazing, (5) getting so worked up that he loses control for a moment and jumps to 8% in one of the most badass moments of the whole series, (6) acknowledging to himself that even though he really shouldn’t, he kinda digs Kacchan’s rougher “I’LL KILL YOU, ASSHOLE” side anyway and emulates it without thinking when he forgets himself and that Kacchan is his image of victory, and lastly, (7) being a sneaky bastard and throwing a punch in with his shoot style knowing full well it will catch Kacchan off guard, which it fucking does.

Deku goes hog wild in this fight. he has a grand old time and even manages to achieve a new power-up, because he and Kacchan always do manage to bring out the best in each other, when they’re not bringing out the worst. you can’t watch this fight and fail to notice how insanely fired up Deku is compared to his usual fights. he is into it. he is ready and willing to throw down. he is here to kick ass and take names!! this is the impact Kacchan has on him. thirty fucking seconds into his therapy fight and Deku's maximum power output has increased by a whopping 60%. holy shit. mad lads.

it’s something not lost on All Might, who wraps things up by patiently explaining to the two of them how much they can learn from each other. and the whole thing concludes with the two of them becoming, as All Might puts it, “proper rivals.” that’s right, their rivalry is now officially approved and sanctioned by the motherfucking Symbol of Peace. well done, boys. these two are going to be absolutely terrifying when they grow up.

***SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA PAST THIS POINT***

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9. “...But you were there.”

okay so I have this indecisive kind of thing going on with whether or not I think All Might is actually going to die, and whether or not I want to see it happen. some weeks, like this particular week, I am on the side of BITCH DON’T YOU DARE because everything is goddamn sad enough as it is, Horikoshi, and I don’t need any more reasons to lie awake at night crying over fictional characters! but then there are other days when I think about how devastatingly, breathtakingly heartbreaking it would be, and for some reason I think, shit, yeah, he’s gotta do it. go ahead and hurt us good. make us feel things. leave no survivors. just fucking wreck our shit, go on ahead.

but then I read this scene again and think, there’s something so incredibly powerful about the fact that All Might started out the series believing he was going to die and being resigned to that fate and making preparations for it, only to be completely blindsided by the love he has for this boy and what that ends up doing to him. his love for Izuku gives him the strength to fight against fate. it gives him the resolve to look the grim reaper in the eye and say “to hell with this, I’m going to live.” it’s his reason to keep going. it’s his purpose. and god but that’s some powerful shit. characters saying “fuck you” to destiny? I am weak as hell for that, hell yes give me more. give me all of that.

and then Deku in this scene. pleading with All Might to keep living. “you have to live to see that moment, when I can tell the world, ‘I am here!’” promising him that no matter what happens, when the time comes, they’ll bend fate together. “without fail.” and just, holy fuck. when he says it, you really believe they can do it. because if anyone can figure out a way to conquer the inevitable, it’s this kid.

10. “Senpai... if I said that I would give you my quirk, would you...?”

last but not least, today just happens to be Mirio’s birthday as well, so it only seems fitting to end with this moment, which in the span of a single page neatly sums up why both of these kids are worthy beyond a doubt of being the next Symbol of Peace. Deku selflessly tries to offer Mirio his quirk, and Mirio instantly rejects him. doesn’t even know what’s going on, really, but just rejects the offer out of hand. “no thanks. then you would be the one subjected to this hardship.” and we can’t very well fucking have that, now can we. nope. not on Mirio’s watch. never mind that he just lost his quirk and his mentor within the span of the past twenty four hours. he wastes no time in coming to Deku’s aid in spite of that, assuring him that he did great and that everything will be just fine. so just smile already!!

but the fact that Deku was even willing to make the offer just once again goes to show how astonishingly good he is. he knows better than anyone what it’s like to be quirkless and powerless. he knows exactly what Mirio is going through. what’s more, Mirio is absolutely right that Deku did fucking amazing and totally saved the day and without him they would have all been screwed! but all Deku can see in this moment is how deserving Mirio is, and so he decides that in order to help him, he’s prepared to make what for him is the ultimate sacrifice. the power that All Might gave him. his dream of becoming the greatest hero. everything he’s worked for up to this point. he’s prepared to throw all of that away if Mirio just says the word. there truly isn’t a selfish bone in this kid’s body.

but Mirio says no. because Mirio is also selfless. in conclusion we had just better hope the two of them never wind up reaching a door together at the same time, because the ensuing battle of who holds it open for whom could singlehandedly bring this series to a dead halt. the ultimate stalemate. they are too good and we don’t deserve them.

so anyways, that’s it! happy birthday kid. and here’s one more for the road.

11. “Dear Midoriya...”

a story in three acts. character development. growth. god bless.

[kumeko]

Title: umeboshi

A/N: For @pinkthespianlesbian, for the Fruits Basket SS held by @lgbtfurubanet. I don’t think I managed to fit all of your prompts together (and Momiji realizes she’s trans in this fic a bit earlier than your headcanon because I missed that line about 3rd year. XD), but I hope you enjoy this anyways!

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…

i.

 “It’s a romantic story,” Momiji chirped, leaning back on the school steps. It was a cloudless, warm spring day and she was happy they were finally in their summer uniforms. Kicking her feet in front of her, Momiji leaned back and stared at the bright blue sky. “My parents met in Germany, when they were students.”

 “Oh.” Tohru clapped her hands excitedly. On another person, this would seem sarcastic, but every action she did was always painfully earnest. Her eyes were bright as she leaned eagerly toward Momiji, already knowing how the story will go and still wanting to hear about it. “Was it love at first sight?”

 “Da!” Tohru was infectious and Momiji’s smile grew even wider. She leaned closer to Tohru, until their shoulders bumped. There was something thrilling about being this close to Tohru, about this casual nearness that she could have that almost none of the other zodiacs could have. She felt a brief pang of pity for Kyo and Yuki.

“Oooohhh!” Tohru’s hand pressed against the steps as she steadied herself, her hand overlapping Momiji’s slightly.

 A jolt of electricity ran through Momiji and she swallowed. It was a very brief pang of pity for her rivals. As they said, all’s fair in love and war. Gathering herself, Momiji continued, using the story as an excuse to hold Tohru’s hand entirely. “The second their hands touched, writing appeared on their arms like vines! They were soulmates! They didn’t let go of each other once, not even when they ate.”

 Tohru stared at their clasped hands and squealed. “Awww, that’s so cute!”

 Momiji would practically see the hearts flying off her. She nodded sagely. “It gets better! They used the words as their wedding vows.”

 “Awwwwwww.” Tohru hummed, almost bouncing as she thought about it all. She didn’t let go, her hand radiating warmth that shot straight to Momiji’s core. “That’s such a cute story. Mom never found her soulmate but she and Dad were very happy anyways. Actually, right after they got married, Mom dragged Dad to the tattoo parlor and forced him to tattoo her name on his wrist.” She chuckled. “They got their own versions of the soulmate words.”

 “Really?” Momiji blinked. She liked that idea. Liked it a lot. The control it gave, the ability to chose, she liked everything about it. Breaking into laughter, she reached around with her other arm and hugged Tohru, careful not to let go of their clasped hands. “That sounds just like her.”

 “That’s what Uo-chan and Hana-chan said too,” Tohru said proudly, wrapping an arm around Momiji. “Though Mom told me the tattoos hurt more than expected and they both spent the week crying.”

 Momiji snorted. “Somehow, that also sounds like her.”

    ii.

A less romantic story, one that Momiji was reluctant to tell Tohru, was how her mother rejected her at a hug. How her mother had gone mad until the only solution was erasing her memories and erasing Momiji’s place in them.

 It was funny, now, that her mother’s touch would no longer transform her. That it was her father instead who turned her into a rabbit. Would her mother have kept her memories if she’d known this would happen? Or would she have seen that as another failure, another mark against her monster of a child?

 Not that it mattered either way. Her mother would never know. Instead, Momiji would wear her dresses and pad her chest and grow out her hair, each change making her look more and more like her mother. It was hard to hide it now; her father wouldn’t let her hang out at the company anymore.

 All that she had left was her name, Momiji, the only link to a family that no longer existed. Maybe she should change. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.

    iii.

The school was brimming with life, the school fair bringing students and visitors through each of the classrooms and hallways. It was a dangerous time for a Sohma and Kyo was already hiding on the roof, both scared and angry with the horde that invaded his home. Not that it helped much, considering the mob of cats that swarmed the roof, catching everyone’s eyes.

 At least that made things a little easier for the others. Yuki didn’t have to hide in the back of every classroom even and Haru didn’t have to destroy everyone he bumped shoulders with and Momiji…

 Well, Momiji got to enjoy a date with Tohru. A kinda one-sided date, for now, but a date nonetheless. She bounced forward as she and Tohru strolled through the halls, taking in the other class’s events. “What do you want to see first?”

 “I don’t know.” Tohru smiled happily, her eyes jumping from one door to the next. There was a haunted house, a café, an art gallery—the possibilities were endless. And overwhelming. “They all look so fun! What do you want to do?”

 “Me?” Momiji slowed down her pace till she was walking side by side with Tohru. Her arms hung at her side, her hands barely brushing Tohru’s as they walked. A jolt of electricity ran through her at each touch and she swallowed. “Maybe we could do the haunted house first?”

 “T-t-the h-h-haunted h-h-house?” Tohru stuttered, her expression freezing. Stiffly, she squared her shoulders and marched toward it. “S-s-sure.”

 It was cute. Too cute. Momiji tried not to laugh too much and offered, “If you’re too scared, we can do something else.”

 “N-n-no, I’m f-f-f-fine.” Tohru smiled once more but it came out more a grimace than anything else. She looked like a robot as she moved, her knees and elbows locked into position. “L-let’s g-go.”

 Well, if Tohru was going to be so brave, Momiji couldn’t slack off either. Nodding, she reached out and grabbed Tohru’s hand. No more of that brushing nonsense. Her skin felt like it was on fire and Momiji was certain her ears were turning several different shades of red, but she’d done it.

 She’d grabbed Tohru’s hand. And if Tohru didn’t pull away, was still smiling at her brightly, she could take that as a victory, right?

    iv.

 Momiji washed her hands, letting the cool water soak into her skin. They still burned, even now, hours after Tohru let go, hours after they’d parted.

 Ok, it was about time she’d admitted it. To herself, at least, if to no one else.

 This wasn’t just a crush anymore. No, this was love. Momiji was in love with Tohru.

 She sighed softly, leaning forward to rest her forehead on the bathroom mirror. After all those months of teasing Yuki and Kyo for being dense, this all felt highly ironic. Momiji wasn’t even sure if she was going to confess to Tohru (sorry for calling you a coward, Kyo) and even worse, there was Akito to deal with.

 Maybe Akito wouldn’t care as much. He’d hated it when Momiji had started transitioning but then it’d became a new cage for him to keep her in, a new barrage of insults to hurt her with. Suddenly, she’d realized just how much harder it was for Kisa and Rin.

 How much harder it would be for her, going forward.

 The cool glass didn’t make it any easier to think and Momiji’s hands were still burning like they’d been seared. Like Tohru was imprinted on them. Maybe she was. Lifting her hands, she stared at them blankly, taking in the small ridges on her knuckles, and the growing thickness of her fingers. The lines on her palm that turned into words, wrapping around her wrist—

 Words.

 Momiji blinked. There were words tattooed on her wrist. Her soulmate marks. She rolled back her sleeves frantically, trying to read the characters engraved on her skin. How had she missed this earlier? Had she bumped into someone at the fair? U-m-e-b-o-s-h-I, it said.

 Umeboshi.

  There was only one person that could mean, only one person whose soulmate words could be that.

“Tohru,” she murmured to her skin, kissing the mark softly. Momiji’s heart leapt to her mouth and she felt a tear slide down her cheek. Her soulmate was Tohru.

 She could fight Akito, if it was for Tohru.

 She could fight anyone, if it was Tohru.

 They were soulmates and Momiji would one day tell their adopted kids, It was a romantic story, a story about two people who stayed together and never forgot anything, even the bad things.

    v.

Or it would have been a romantic tale, if not for Tohru’s extremely puzzled look as Momiji asked her if she’d gotten her soulmate writing. She’d waited as long as she could, waited for class to end, for her bodyguards to go home (Kyo was harder to force away than Yuki), waited for them to finally be alone and sitting at their usual spot on the school step, before asking.

 All in vain, it seemed.

 “My soulmate marks?” Tohru blinked, confused. She glanced around as though to make sure no one else was around. “Me?”

 She’d almost forgotten how dense Tohru was. “Yes.” Momiji nodded eagerly, taking Tohru’s hands into her own. Rubbing her thumb against Tohru’s wrists, she was slightly disappointed the marks hadn’t appeared in the same place, but that was fine. It was rare enough to find one’s soulmate, let alone to find one with an identical mark. Her parents had been lucky. Quieting her mind, Momiji peered up at Tohru’s eyes and asked again, “Have you found any words on you?”

 Tohru frowned, thinking heavily on it. She twisted her lips, her expression growing sterner and sterner with each moment that passed. The moment she turned into a hardboiled detective, she sighed and shook her head. “Not one.”

 “Really?” Momiji’s heart plummeted to her shoes and she almost dropped Tohru’s hands in surprise. Was it possible to have a one-sided soulmate?

 “Yes.” Tohru nodded solemnly. “It would be wonderful to have a soulmate but I’m not sure I have one.” She chuckled sadly. “It might be too wonderful for me to have.”

 And maybe Tohru didn’t have the mark and maybe the umeboshi meant some other kind do-gooder or some guy with an obsession with pickles, but that didn’t matter. Momiji was used to life not going her way. Was used to having to choose her own path.

 Kyoko had made her own soulmate.

 Momiji could do the same.

 “You have a soulmate, Tohru,” Momiji answered softly, leaning closer.

 “I do?” Tohru’s eyes widened in surprise. “Who?”

 “Me.”

 She’d make sure to not tell their kids how awkward their first kiss was, how they’d bumped noses and laughed about it after.

    vi.

“And that’s how your grandmas fell in love,” Mitsuru murmured, ruffling the hair of her son. “It’s a romantic story, isn’t it?”

 Aki bit his cheek, taking it all in. He swayed side to side as he came up with his question. Because there was always a question with him; at four, there was still too many things he didn’t know. Mitsuru knew that, knew that she’d done the same to Momiji and Torhu when she was little, but that didn’t make it any easier.

 After a few minutes, he finally asked, “Granny didn’t have a mark?”

 “Actually…” Mitsuru laughed awkwardly. Leaning closer, she stage-whispered to her son, “It turned out, Grandma Tohru did have a mark.”

 “She did?” His mouth fell open in surprise.

 “Her face looked just like yours when she found out.” Mitsuru nodded. Reaching around, she patted her son on the middle of his back. “Right there. Just where the umeboshi in a onigiri is, that was where her mark was. So of course she didn’t see it herself—Grandma Momiji was the one who spotted it and told her.”

 “Umeboshi?” Aki jumped up and down. “Just like in her stories!”

 Mitsuru nodded. “Yeah, just like in her stories.”

 There was something fitting about that, when all was said and done.