#soooo much more healing to do but like it’s emotional trauma healing and not as much mental illness healing

[alilaro]

omg my momma got me my very own car yippee!!

[ittalkslikeone]

damn it’s almost like they were right when they said the best treatment is usually therapy AND medication

[aceofstars16]

Just me blowing my own mind thinking about Gravity Falls again lol (or maybe more like “oh gosh that makes so much sense holy moley…”)

But here’s the thing….people always blame Ford’s pride on his reaction to Stan wanting to burn his journal. And while I agree to some extent, there is another reason for this intense reaction. Which I understand now more than when I first watched the show…

Soooo…the last time Ford saw Stan was right after he feels betrayed because he thinks Stan destroyed his project. His project, which he put so much time, effort, and work into. It was his ticket to a better future. And he believes that Stan did it on purpose, because he was so caught up in their old dream of sailing together. This would create a very painful memory, which I believe, especially with Ford not working through the emotions, is still a very sensitive “trigger” of a sorts for him.

Fast forward to the portal incident. Ford needs Stan’s help, desperately. He is reaching out despite the rift between them, because he doesn’t know what else to do. And he asks Stan to take his work, and hide it. Which to be fair, is already a big thing, because the last time Stan was around his work….he broke it (or so Ford believed). But THEN Stan doesn’t want to hide it, he wants to *destroy* it. Something that Ford, once again, put a lot of time, energy, and work into. To me, that similarity would trigger the pain and hurt that Ford felt when he was a teenager. Plus those emotions were probably increased more due to his huge lack of sleep and intense desperation for help in a situation where he was in way over his head.

I’m not trying to get Ford off the hook or say he doesn’t share in the blame for what happened. But bro…as someone who understands those kinds of triggers to betrayal and deep emotional pain…Where something, even if it’s not totally the same, has very similar elements to the painful event, happens, that pain and those intense emotions are very real. And it’s a very valid reaction, especially for someone who has not worked through or healed any from that emotional trauma.

[beefros-sin-bin]

Goodbye 2023!

Thank you to everyone who sent in submissions - I have so much reading to catch up on now! 🥩💜🥩

If you have more fics to recommend for the SinBin, keep sending them my way.

I was originally going to break everything by category into the various P-boys, but the majority are one specific character. So we have two categories:

Joel Miller Fics

Other P-boy Fics.

I've included the comments (if there was one) for each fic submitted, but kept the submitter anonymous.

Beefro & the SinBin 🚮🥩💜

Joel Miller Fics (in no specific order)

Left in Lincoln - @toxicanonymity

Left in Lincoln. It's no secret my love for this series, and for my favorite Joelkémon, but this story is one I love not only for the slow burn sexiness but the horror elements in general. The balance of fear and horror with the soft, beautiful descriptions of the characters and setting make it one I return to over and over. The musical references and influence on the story is just the icing on the cake 🖤 Or ice cream on the pie, in this case 🍑🌸 Ty for the beautiful stories Toxy, and community to obsess over our mutual obsessions 🥰🖤

Scarecrow & Fear Thy Neighbor by @xdaddysprincessxx

So my first rec is @xdaddysprincessxx and her Farmer Joel series 🚜 All of her work is amazing but this one is so fun and soooo hot! (Heed the warnings though if you choose to read) I'm biased because I got to hear about her writing process and contribute some of my own thots 🤭 But it's not only sexy af (just like her!) but scary too!!! Be sure to read the sequel too 😉 She's not only a talented writer but a wonderful human in general 🖤

Help I’m Stuck! By @nosesitter

Reader gets “stuck” in the dryer. Luckily her father in law Joel just so happens to find her and helps 😉 her. When I read this I finally got the whole “oh no I’m stuck!” sex scenario lmao I always found it kinda funny bc in porn they’d be stuck in ridiculous spots but this fic? Fucking hot as hell. I get it now 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can be your pretty girl by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Okay so I’m almost positive she is tired of me recc’ing & talking about this series lol it’s the hottest fucking fic ever. I genuinely am obsessed. It has everything. She deserves a Nobel peace prize for this idc idc.

A Secret Worth Keeping by @multiversed-daydreamer

Vamp Joel. I repeat Vamp. Joel. 🥵 and his vampirism is a secret and readers blood is his krptonite and she has to keep what they do hush hush. It’s so goddamn delicious 🤤

Fall into Temptation by @joelsgreys

Whew okay where do I start? Reader is the pastors daughter. Joel is Joel. 😏 they end up falling for each other and having a beautiful love affair. That has to be a secret bc her father would forbid it! Duh! It’s spicy, they have to sneak around to meet up with each other (again I am paraphrasing ish I don’t wanna spoil lol) and the religious tones in it? My baby is feeding me. This heals my religious trauma. Feeds my daddy issues and desire to fuck this old man.

Deliver Me From Nowhere by @atinylittlepain

It is beautifully written, touching a delicate topic with such care, it is truly an amazing work.

Just This Once by @talaok

Okay hear me out: this one brings the angst. The emotion. I felt so bad for reader, bby girl just wanted love. It tore me up inside. I had tears.

Self Indulgent Tendencies by @strang3lov3

So this was actually the first fic of Bugs I ever read. And. I. LOVED. IT. I’m trying not to spoil anything but long story short; Joel catches reader and fucks her to teach her a lesson. (I am extremely paraphrasing this lol) it still lives in my damn brain 🥵

Meet Me in the Back by @atticrissfinch

Sleazy gas station Joel. That’s it. That’s all. He is so sleazy and ugh I need his dick. And so does reader after she gets it. And she keeps coming. Back for more that is 😉

All You Wanna Do by @atticrissfinch

Now I am an angst queen. And boy this one is not for the weak. It is dark, please please please heed the warnings on this one. But personally I love this one. She has truly ripped my heart out, made my chest physically hurt. She invokes emotion so well.

No One But Me by @koshkamartell

This is a small blog's series that deserves to be promoted!

The Wrong Way by @romana-after-dark

Raider!Joel Miller and Raider!Tommy Miller x fem!Reader

Other P-boy Fics (in no specific order)

Dirty Uncle Ezra by @bonezone44

😏 yea I said it. Dirty Uncle Ezra. Hottest fucking concept I’ve ever heard. He’s so dirty and sleazy and ngh I’m already moaning. Also this beautiful human is an amazing artist so plz check out their art work 💜 (a note from Beefro: the fact that the age tag on this is 56+ made me laugh out loud)

Pascals Pursuit of Love! by @elvinaa (all the P-Boys!)

The innovation! It has all the P boys Bachelorette style. It’s so much like the show, it’s got twists and turns, there’s funny moments, cute moments. I look forward to each week aka each chapter lol I love it so much.

Apple by @romana-after-dark

Bisexual!Dark!Santiago Garcia, Bisexual!Dark!Frankie Morales, and Bisexual!Dark!William Miller x fem!Reader

[1eos]

May I have some lovely book recommendations on this day <3 😁😁 I'm trying to read more this next year

you sure can!!!!! i'll list my fave reads of the past few years:

convenience store woman by sayaka murata -one of my fave books of all timeeeeee. its basically about a woman who just doesnt fit in into 'normal' society and even tho she's happy ppl feel like she shouldnt be bc she's not progressing w everyone else. if you've been the weird girl ever this book will

ring shout - p djeli clark. a historical fiction novel where the kkk are like demons and theres this organization of black hunters. its action packed but what makes it so amazing is the emotional growth of the characters :') an all time fave

the vanishing half - brit bennett. another AMAZING historical fiction book. its abt family lines....and colorism and twins and what it means to be white passing and privilege and generational trauma. it honestly has toni morrison core vibes where there's a lot of pain but thru love all is healed!

there's no such thing as an easy job by kikuko tsumura. a bit of an eclectic read. this woman takes on different jobs and they each give her grief in a new way. very relatable esp if you hate your job 😭

the vegetarian by han kang. THEE GOAT. i will recc this book until the day i DIE. and even then. its technically a horror story abt the fallout after a woman has a dream/vision and decides to stop eating meat but its sooo much deeper than that. its such a great look at how, as a woman, everything abt you is subject to critique down to what you eat

parasite eve. thee classic scifi horror the video game was inspired by! think frankenstein but there's a love story underneath. but also you question if it was love at all bc what if the mitochrondria inside of us are just manipulating everything we do? i loved it! writing style is a bit clinical but idc

my sister the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite...i read this one in a single day it was THAT GOOD. sister is a serial killer and the fucking implications and fucked up shit that comes from lookism and family expectations and misogyny tbh. love it~

annihilation by jeff vandermeer. the first in a series but you can just read the first one. its sooooooooooooooooooo good. its a scifi book about this mysterious barrier off the coast that's slowly expanding and inside nature is reclaiming its space and most everyone that enters the barrier never returns.....another quick read bc it will have you HOOKED

yellowface by r f kuang. i don't usually enjoy satire but r f kuang really TOOK IT THERE. this is the most infuriating book you'll ever read but in the best way. this white author w an inferiority complex objectifies her friend that she secretly hates and then steals her friend's book. only thing is the friend is proudly asian and her book is abt specific cultural history so the white girl does diet yellowface and is just a massive bitch

beloved by toni morrison. how do you sum up beloved? i cannot sum up beloved. if i had to sum up beloved i would say 'love is a haunting but not every haunting is love and the only thing that can clear a haunting is love'

in the dream house by carmen maria machado. god probably the best prose i've read all year. a really beautiful but bittersweet autobiographical novel about a bisexual woman's experience with a fucked up abusive relationship and how subtle abuse can be. heavy subject matter but handled soooo beautifully.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones. WHEW. this is a horror......and this book will take you for a fucking ride i'll tell you that. its abt a group of native american men who were childhood friends and due to one mistake they're all haunted by...something that wants to get revenge on them. this book had me going 'DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?' multiple times

[alexanders-pokemon-adventure]

A little rain in every life must fall

Sera Frigga

Sera’s meeting with Victoria was … illuminating . There was no cure that could be administered to alex to end their endarkaning. It seamed that the only thing that reversed shadowfication in humans was an inner strength the sufferer had to summon themself… but . In those Sera found or Heard about healing from shadowfication , it was treated like trauma . The sufferer was at least in part, cared for by a support system That in time helped them find the strength to overcome the shadows . Of course, they were also conscious. Alex had been comatose for more than a mouth , with no sign that verbal communication was reaching them and sera’s psychic prob providing less than Successful . How could anyone give alex the kind of emotional support they needed when so far they’ve be Functionally unreachable. Alex needs strength .

An idea floated to the top of her mind , Alex need strength . ALEX NEED STRENGTH. Alex hadn’t been traumatize into closing their heart , or incidentally, exposed to shadow-type enegy contamination. Alexander is a conductor of energy thats how they took in the power that now comatose them …but could they take in energy to heal . At its very base shadow types and their powers where molded from trauma. What helped those who suffered trauma?

Care ,compassion, sympathy , therapy Sera thought to herself. What help poeple heal? Love , love was perhaps not a means to an end but love can be the pressure that stops the bleeding. Was or could love be something that transferred like shadow-type energy . A dote connected in Sera’s mind, was friendship, not molded from a kind of love?

It was an idea Prof. Apricot was unsure of , friendship was an energy that could be transferred from trainer to Pokémon to aid in evolution , could it be given person to person? How much would they need ? Could it be measured? Apricot had objections ,Alexander’s care team had objections but none of them had better options. Had any options anymore? With alexander’s condition, continuing to worsen .So as a way the quell her own mind and maybe The mines of Alexander’s friends Sera decided Play a game of cards. Sera was an ESPer a telepath, a telekinetic ,a psychic Who had learned a great many things in her 28 years. Had gone to Alexander’s house and raid their home for supplies. She needed blank cards for her next act for them to be made of materials tied to Alex to begin with. To look into the future in a way , her power would guide the images that shown on the blank card surface. Sara knew she only would have the strength for four. Four symbols to interpret from , four cards to Divine the future. So in a Break room , in the hospital Sera watched by Derek , Alexandria( @alex-ishvan ), and Prof.Apricot Drew her first card . It took form as she motioned with the card colors coming to life on earth surface, painted with her strength.

The hangman, a major arcana showing it before them.

Sera was surprised that it was not Derek with his impatience to ask the first question but professor Apricot

“ sera while I may study empowered humans, I will admit,” she paused, searching for the right words “mysticism, and other such practices are outside of my field of study could you explain what this means to me?”

“Each card will take on the appearance of one of the major or minor arcana of the tarot . Each Arcana has its own interpretive meaning that when looked at together can be used gather information, on top of that the The way I use my power to shape the images on the cards can also provide hints and context that the symbolism of each arcana alone might not have” sera explained

“soooo what do you think this means?” Alexandria asked

“A lot of things potentially” Sera said “ Submission, new perspectives ,trials sacrifice , intuition, among other things”

“ so what does the image tell you?” Prof. Apricot asked

Sera thought it was clearly Alex falling or being held up ,hanging by dark hands emanating from the cavity on the back of ...

Derek answered first” its Alex when they tried to Spirit Harmonize with their Shedinja Papyrus . It ended poorly they couldn’t regulate the amount of energy being taken from them and stoped breathing for a minute. Alex was lucky I was near by when they tried it. “

“So Alex … Alex tried some thing and it ended poorly” Sera let out a large sigh she did not like what it could mean, that this event

She drew another card A little tired this time.

Sera couldn’t stop her gasp as she placed down the three of swords.

“ what sera ,what dose it mean ?” Apricot asked

Sera explained One of the few universally negative arcana . It symbolized Sorrow and was associated with pain ,loss and death.

“What about the picture? “ Derek asked “dose it suggest something specific?”

Sera looked at the card for long moments . She explained the image could potentially be in reference to what Alexander and their castform Nimbus did in the greenhouse and that the sorrow could be in reference to that or…that event may have related to another or be in reference to a future sorrow.

She Drew another card ,more strength leaving her as she placed it down.

“Hey it’s us and Ellisa, Lynn, and Rai “ Alexandria’s said looking down at the card” what does the five of wands symbolize?”

“Conflict…”sera said

Alexandria did not like that answer “ I’m not fighting Alex again, if this means that it’s not happening”. Derek nodded in agreement as he mumbled something about who Rai?

“i’m certain it can be more than just conflict Alexandria” professor apricot said more as a question than a statement

“The five of wands doesn’t always mean a literal conflict and the conflict it’s referring to might not be one towards or against Alexander. They’re not even in the picture. But … we are “ sera said

“ could it mean we all have to fight some thing and who is Rai?”derek asked

“ he’s a ranger in Sinnoh , he and alex are friends, I think “ Alexandria explained, as she examined the card closer, Alexandria’s sharp nails traced the image “ the wand have smooth bells on them”

“ interesting” sera contemplated it The symbols and the image seem to conflict conflict and friendship. “What if … it could maybe mean Will fight for Alex” Sera did not feel convinced of that interpretation

Sara drew the final card

“ the Seven of cups” professor apricot spoke

“ it represents choices ,true answers, delusions ,some time great revelation and making decisions”Sera spoke

Sera went on to explain that the images on the cards generally represent possibilities ,different paths or a person imagining such things. Each cup holds a different path, A different choice ,a different possibility.

“Thats me “ Derek said “yes “ sera agreed “ The top left cup, usually hold the face of an Oracle or a loved one”

There was an expression on Derek’s face that Sera couldn’t read, she knew he and Alex we’re often more than friends in recent years but also knew it wasn’t something either had made any real commitment to. Sera knew Derek had other lovers occasionally and Alex still living in the endless mountains wasn’t ever lonely. Derek’s only response was to sigh.

“What’s with the glowing figure in the center? “ Alexandria asked .Sera thought Alexandria did so to pull attention away from Derek , which he seamed to appreciate.

Sera continue to explain the symbolism .The center figure usually represents a desire for understanding of one’s self . That It could potentially mean Alex is looking for something in themselves. The symbol on the top was a little stumping until Professor apricot mentioned that it was the symbol for Uxie and represented wisdom , her symbol shown two unown The letters A and I . The bottom left appeared to be Alexander’s home with the mountains in the background that could represent stability . The center left Image with a building with the name of Alexander’s company Al.co on its roof.

“ The center left cup usually represents wealth” Sara said.

The cup on the center right Bore the symbol of Victini and represented victory , but nobody liked that the unown that floated around the image spelt D.E.A.T.H . In the final cup on the bottom left shown a shadow Ho-oh.

“ I hate that thing” Alexandria spat out, Alexandria whose vision who had been better than theirs during the shadow storm had actually seen it in the sky’s those days .

“ it could mean calamity, destruction, rage, and evil”sera said

Sera was tire , but still need to finish the reading .

She knew the other saw her stare at the card for long minutes , saw her eye glow as she pulled as much as she could from from them though about all she had learned and gathered not just from the cards, but from Victoria from her psychic probe and from Professor apricots and Alexander’s care team. She took a deep breath before speaking and in a voice with more power than she felt spoke.

“ I think Alexanders coma and exposure to shadow type energy has forced them to face terrible grief and pain that’s so long as the shadows keep them there they are never going to wake up” Sera held up the five of wands “ I think those of us on this card and maybe others need to come together and… help Alex fight the shadows . Give them strength and with that strength I think Alex will be able to conjure or forage a way past the wall that Closes off their heart.”

Derek was the one to ask “if Alex can do that will they wake up?”

There was no hesitation in Sera‘s response. “Yes Alex will.”

Professor apricot was the first to jump on the logistics, and suggested that they contact Ellisa ,Lynn( @adventures-on-foster-island )and Rai ( @ranger-rai )as soon as possible. Sera rested while the others got to work. It would take time to execute their plan.

[ssreeder]

HELLO

I didnt see that there was an update until now and i dont feel like discording and i just read the new chapter so here i am with my few main points bc i dont feel like doing a full live reaction👍👍🫶

Seeing Jeeto come into play in any capacity at all makes me feel like a proud parent watching their children grow. Its always wonderful like those are my emotional support middle aged fictional men. I watched them go from conspiracy to getting crumbs to now their "dates" and gossiping together. Youve gotta love it. Those are my children. Im so proud of them. But im also scared because you killed shen so obviously my feeligns mean nothing to you 🙄😒😒. (Im never going to get over that, im going to be 80 years old in some pst apocolypic enviroment with horrors all around me, but im going to be having nightmares about shen. Ill send you my therapy bill) (im going to get a tattoo in his memory istg)

Also its always really subtle but its funny to see your specific linguistical patterns in liab esp because i can never really explain it. Like ill read a random sentence and be like 'yeah that seems like sreeder wrote it' i just think its neat.

I also really loved zukka this chapter. But i always lovr zukka so its not a surprise. But espesially this chapter because its mostly soft zukka.

"Do you think we will stay together" NO Zukko divorce 🔫🔫. 🙅🏻🔥🔥🔥🙅🏾

The 'moving forward' ness of zukka in liab is so nicely written. Like ive been reading liab since (almost) the beginning and it has been a ride and its starting to feel more conclusive and that is SCARY but its also nice because you write it very well and i adore the way you write trauma and the healing of it and the ups and downs and the two steps forward two steps backness. Its very lovely.

I knew ara was going to have a suicide attempt (esque situation (idk if that counts)) i called it i win.

Idc what others say ara will always be amazing. I love her character SO MUCH

i feel like you can always tell the strengths of a writer in the way they write complicated characters and the way you write ara is very telling of that. Like the fragility and also harshness used for her is very realistic and i always enjoy her parts so much.

Like her deciding to move on independant of how zuko or sokka feel about it is and regardless of whether people thinks she 'deserves it' is immaculate.

And thats a good example on your specific strengths as the author of liab (being able to handle delicate situations well, and realistically and make them very thought out and not rushed, stuff like that).

But her 'i need to start getting along with other girls' is great because like,, RHATS SO TRUE. she is genuienlly one of my favorite characters of all time, i could write essays on why i love her. Exquisite.

REHO MENTION 🥳🥳💪💪💪💪

Thats my emotional support woobified early 20 something year old man. I adore him. If 30 people love reho i am one of them, if one person loves reho i am them if 0 people love reho i am dead (rip rehoes 😔) i will defend his (and aras) good names until i die.

Amazing chapter as always 10/10 *chefs kiss* im so excited for the series to finish and see what you do with everyone and the rest of the storylines and such.

Every time I think of Shen’s death I think of your utter devastation & how I wasn’t expecting you to be so distraught over it. I will say I had another commenter lately who was talking about how much they liked Shen & wanted an Iroh/Shen/Zuko dynamic and I kept thinking…. Damn it buddy, you’re going to be soooo mad at me in a few chapter haha…. oops.

ugh my linguistic patterns haunt me and I specifically ask my betas to check for them because I feel sooooo repetitive sometimes especially when there’s a lot of introspection lol. So it’s funny you mentioned that lol.

Omg I remember when I was still on RIA & someone in the server was like “dude I’m rooting for some jeeto.” & I was like oh no how do they know??? I created this fun divide between hakoda and bato just to push Bato into Jees arm!! Don’t spoil it haha, but whatever at least Dentys dead

Awwww thanks for the compliments it means a lot coming from you <3 but also yeah Ara is my delicate dumpster fire who says she going to make her existence everyone’s problem (most importantly sokka because damn girl could just LEAVE but she refuses lol) I love it. She’s fun, and any scene with her expect utter chaos haha.

every time I write Reho in a scene my mind says and the crowd goes wild,,, he’s annoying but I’m glad you like him.

thanks for this amazing ask you’re awesome

[ener-chi]

My heart is full. So full. I have so much to talk about. I don't even know where to begin.

Everything has been coming together for me. School ended, and with summer break here I'm less stressed and have more time and energy. I've been making progress on my own and with my counselors help re: my anxiety. I started taking an additional herb for my liver qi. And changes from the estrogen have been hitting me really hard.

All of that together... I've never felt so good and happy in my life. I am... getting out, meeting new people, doing things I would've been too afraid to do, getting out and doing things that make me feel anxious and scared and doing them anyways. I am feeling my emotions, and every day I am getting better and better at managing and regulating them.

I am FEELING though. Like the liver qi herbs are helping my qi/emotions/thoughts flow more freely and smoothly. The estrogen is giving me a wider berth of emotions than I had before. With both... I find myself feeling more, just in general. I also find myself feeling more happy and sentinmental and touched and loving than I ever have before.

My physical changes have been popping off, and I've been dressing more and more fem every day, and it makes me feel sooo good and happy.

I've been getting into the community!! I've always been kind of a lone wolf, which I recognized came from a place of fear and trauma. I've been connecting with people and making friends. I also am starting to make myself more available and open to the community in general, which I think is really important as a healer. I will probably do something similar here on my blog as well.

I'm spending more time and energy on things that I actually love and care about, instead of things that distract me. And I find myself wanting to DO THINGS in the real world. Going out, experiencing new things, meeting people, doing things.

I went to my first pride event today!! It was a non-corporate pride, and it was actually perfect for me - super lowkey, not an overwhelming amount of people, in a beautiful park.

And there were just SOOOO many queer people. I've never been around so many queer people in my life. I felt so safe and so happy and so... connected. To the queer community, but also the world in general.

This past year has been... absolutely brutal. But it has been necessary. I have had so many old patterns and habits and things buried and just... so much stuff that I needed to let go. I see now that I could've never been happy with how I was. And I recognize that I still have a long way to go. But I'm happier now than I've ever been.

I have more to talk about but I am so tired I am having a hard time thinking straight. I will say one more thing though...

I am... i understand. Now. My place in everything. In this world, this universe, this energy. I am here... to experience. To live. To love. To connect. And with connection comes growth... healing... love... ascension.

I will share more another time. I hope everyone has a good night!

Blessings!

[elegy-if]

Soooo mannnny notes!

Okay. So wow. Gross.. also wow.. that was so entertaining and enjoyable and honestly I had my feet kicking up behind me while I was reading.

Also.. Gross..

I had a whole grimace on my face reading that scene. Very descriptive.. very detailed.. did I say gross?

Notes!!

1. Aw I had the feels for MC shame omg. Poor thing. So many emotions. I felt the pain. Especially when explaining the hand scar. Sorry if I'm being spoilery I'm tryna be chill here.

2. I love that you can choose to just go with this is my nature so fuck u mentality or actually try to go against it.

3. Very detailed.. very gross scene. It was great. I don't generally read much horror IFs. I hate horror movies but I really enjoyed this. A testiment to how really good this was.

4. The beast scene was both kinda cute and bittersweet left me with some sadness once again.

Looking forward to getting to know Felix and Eden. Well all the ROs actually. Im very intrigued how the relationship dynamics will work with MCs lil issue.

This was very good. I feel like I'm finding so many gems lately. So thank you for being another writer to bless my eyes!

PS. I can't remember if I said it was gross. It was very subtle you knw..

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! ;__; it means a lot to me that you enjoyed it! i'm glad i got across the grossness of Consuming human flesh and organs in my writing !! that was definitely the intent :^)

gonna respond in order of your notes!! ty for taking the time to write something to me about it!!

MC's shame is going to be a common theme/occurrence throughout. I wanted to write a somewhat cathartic story about healing from trauma + how trauma can make you act in ways that aren't the best! MC is far from perfect, and I plan to delve into that more in future chapters.

YES!!! I love the trope of giving in to your nature no matter how grotesque it may be vs. fighting that and trying to become a different person....

I'm honored you checked Nemisi out! I love horror, but I haven't written much of it personally (especially not things I've shown anyone besides my best friend) so this IF is definitely going to be an exercise for my brain writing that genre.

The cat scene was one I wasn't expecting to have such an impact to be honest! But I needed to give the MC some more human aspects, since no matter what they think are now, they did start out in life as one and they still experience human emotions, like it or not.

Writing character interactions is one of my favorite things to do! So I'm excited to show off the dynamics. I also love writing romance so I cannot WAIT to get to that. I love characters who either help each other heal or make each other worse.

Once again, thanks for the kind words!!

[lesbianrobin]

I love young strangers but I'm caught up and I've read all your other stuff, do you have any fic recs? I love your fics so much :)

thank you!! if you haven't already read all of her stuff, i recommend everything written by my friend sarah @steveharrington!! her ao3 is birthdaycandles and literally everything she's ever written is an absolute banger. if you like my stuff you will Love her and if you've read all of my fics but not hers i think that is a travesty and you better get on that immediately.

some great under-appreciated fics of hers: run for your children, for your sisters and brothers (steve lucas and robin. that is literally all i have to say it's about STEVE LUCAS AND ROBIN why haven't you clicked yet), strung through the tether (THEE stobin platonic soulmate fic), & seriously slipping out of control (steve and robin beg eddie to give them impulsive trauma tattoos immediately after starcourt).

idk what ships/characters ur most into so i'm just gonna focus on recs that are gen/ship-lite and oneshots bc i feel like that's what most of my fics are? so if you like my fics hopefully you'll like these bc i think they are all wayyy better than my fics but with similar vibes dkvjfjcn.

windowsill is a story focusing on max's recovery after s4. steddie is there, but the story itself is really about max and her healing and finding herself in the wake of trauma, and i think everybody should read it because it's gorgeous.

similarly, no, i'm not afraid to disappear explores erica's trauma in the wake of s4, how it sets her apart from her friends, and how she uses D&D to work through some of that trauma. there is NOT enough erica-centric fic out there and this one really gives her all of the love and complexity and attention she deserves.

you can put it all on me, you can laugh and you can bleed is a classic Steve Harrington Gets The Care And Love He Needs After Getting The Living Shit Kicked Out Of Him fic, and it has multiple perspectives (including officer callahan who is a hoot) that create a rich picture and make it all feel real. it isn't just about steve, it's also about all of the kids, their fears and trauma in the immediate aftermath of s2, and it's so fucking precious. literally the cutest shit ever.

strange (but not a stranger) is a mike-centric fic set after s4 that like. single-handedly saved mike's character for me. like s1-2 mike was my BABY and s3 i was kinda eh about him and in s4 i felt like i barely recognized him but this fic reached right into my heart and said You Will Love Mike Wheeler Again He Is Still Your Baby. mike is so messy and angry and lost in this fic and he feels like a flesh and blood teenager who's been through a lot and i think this fic deserves So much more attention.

don't imagine you're too familiar is a s4 aftermath fic focused on robin, steve, dustin, and eddie. this fic Gets steve and robin they are soooo platonic soulmates coded in this (as they should be) and i love it. also some steddie. as a treat.

unlike the others on here, adventures in babysitting a psionic isn't a oneshot, it's 59k words and SO WORTH READING. it's about steve babysitting el in the space between s2 and s3. it's definitely canon divergent but it's not a huge Plot Deal it's mostly about el and steve building an incredibly sweet friendship, and they both get a lot of complexity, care, and emotional development that i love. their relationships with the other characters are also given attention and it's just like... so cozy and sweet. it's simply precious.

so that's it for now! sorry if the formatting of this was weird i'm on mobile dkcjdjc i hope you haven't already read all of these and thank you again for being so kind ab my fics!!

[machianery]

unatructured episode thoughts;

short and sweet. i dont mind the length so much because what we got is really good. unlike the latter half of IBS which was, it seems, a barebones version of the original intended plot, this is the entire thing. it stands on its own.

absolutely yelling about the cave fight section. the commander's voice acting was exceptional. my heart. oh god. (i have nolan north but ive heard good things about all the other voices) i do appreciate hearing such emotion from them; it feels like a wall broke down and everything came flooding out.

i think the moment where the cmdr felt the air get punched out of their lungs was the oni fully "connecting" to them. latching on and beginning to sift through the deeper, older memories. when we face them again in the next episode i expect a similar moment.

the use of almorra was perfect. it was a definite callback to jormag using her voice to lure us in over the comms.

i also like the ambiguity of the oni's affect on us. is it unresolved trauma? is it the oni affecting our emotions? its whatever you want it to be.

im reminded of the maze section in the bjora marches story. when the cmdr hears voices they yell "Stop it!" i do appreciate the consistency.

i wonder where this "the cmdr is soooo tired" plot thread is going to lead us. because dragging them along to every new adventure while they still feel this way would just be cruel. so are we going to get to rest? will there be an episode devoted to healing? maybe the map challenges will be "chase butterflies in a field" and "fight off eager questgivers." maybe there will be a collection quest where we go to various chill spots in central tyria and /sit or /sleep for five minutes.

this may also be a good opportunity to add personal housing. to give the commander a place where they can be alone.

either way, i feel it would be cheap to conclude the plot thread with a singular solution. just one moment where the commander feels good again and is once more eager to go adventuring. i would prefer them to instead gain a support system and coping mechanisms that remain in place afterwards.

[halfmoth-halfman]

Every time I read designer dress I get so ANXIOUS 😫😫 (all your fault thank you very much). I’m very surprised on how it ended. It makes me wonder how everything went down directly after she got shot.

The conversation between canary and her dad 😭😭 it was soooo intense.

I remember a lot of people saying that they believe it will take canary a long time to acclimate to the gang especially with the trust being betrayed and let’s not forget the emotional/physical/ trauma she endured. So I was sort of expecting canary to spit at them (🥹) or maybe spit out some words to them saying how hurt she was by them when she woke up. (But then again this is something that is going to happen down the road… SO MUCH STUFF and ANGSTTTT)

But that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy this chapter !

OH and I just realized since price got arrested he

1) thinks she’s dead for realsies. Or

2) knows his team were able to get her out BUT does not know of her condition, especially since it has been weeks

Poor man is probably just going Insane not knowing about canary.

As always thank you for an amazing chapter !!

ngl i get anxious when i write designer dress sometimes LOL don't worry tho we'll see what happened right after graves shot canary in the next chapter!!

it was kinda intense, but i think it was something that neede to happen. canary needed someone to light that fire under her, and i felt like adler was the perfect person to do that.

i think it will take canary a long time to acclimate, or get close to being able to trust the gang again, but she also understands that she's probably going to need them at least until she can recover so she can't immediately jump into screaming and yelling at them. not to mention she's just woken up from a near-death experience, in price's room, with gaz telling her she's been unconscious for a few weeks. she probably doesn't even know how she feels about them yet, just because she hasn't had that time to herself to really process it. i think her first priority rn is figuring out what happened in that time, but she's gonna be around the 141 for quite a bit i imagine as things calm down and she heals (physically) we'll start to see more of the effects the last five months have had on her start to show.

who know what price knows?? i'm sure graves and shepherd would do everything in their power to make sure he couldn't talk to anyone on the outside, so he probably doesn't even know if canary's alive but who can say for sure??? ;)

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Just Like That by Cole McCade - 2/5 stars

So I started reading this age gap romance about two professors at a boys boarding school expecting it to be different than the last Cole McCade romance I read. It...wasn't. The emotions are turned up to 11 all the time, from the very first page, and that means there's nowhere emotionally to go. It also felt rushed and like the characters didn't really have room to breathe. So...I might retract what I said about the first Cole McCade novel I read needing to be shorter, because this one was shorter, and it didn't work.

Scattered Showers by Rainbow Rowell - 4/5 stars

Bought this for the SnowBaz story, ended up reading the whole thing and quite enjoying it. The SnowBaz story was definitely still the best though.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo - 4/5 stars

In my last reading update I said I wasn't going to read any my Leigh Bardugo books, totally forgetting this one was sitting very near the top of my TBR pile. I liked it a lot, but I have been informed that Hellbent involves a glowing, fully erect demon penis in multiple scenes (and not even for demon sex) soooo yeah. I think I'll give it a miss.

The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting by KJ Charles - 4.75/5 stars

Drama! by AJ Truman - 4.25/5 stars

Bloodline by Jordan L Hawk - 4.75/5 stars

Wanted, A Gentleman by KJ Charles - 5/5 stars

Oh I loved this one so much. I love when KJ Charles writes books with a twist because I never see them coming. And it's not like the clues aren't there. This is a super quick read but so good. I definitely could have read a full length novel about Martin and Theo.

The Klockwerk Kraken by Aidee Ladnier - 5/5 stars

You look at this book and you think, tentacle porn. And yeah, there's some sex with tentacles. But??? This book??? It kind of wrecked me. It's two connected novellas about trauma, healing, family, memory, love...really really good. Highly recommended.

Pack of Lies by Charlie Adhara - 5/5 stars

And then I read a werewolf book and loved it! Not that I expected to hate this or anything, but I definitely went into it feeling a bit iffy, because werewolves are really not my thing. This book is romantic suspense and really good, and I loved Julien and Eli so much. This is a spinoff of Adhara's other werewolf series, which I want to read, but it's only available as an ebook, and I don't do ebooks.

Seven Tears at High Tide by CB Lee - 4/5 stars

Cute little YA mermaid book. Mermaids also aren't my thing so I liked this more than I thought I would. Much better than Jason June's Out of the Blue, imo.

A Restless Truth by Freya Marske - 4.75/5 stars

Again, my toxic trait is I don't really enjoy reading books about women or f/f romances. But not surprisingly at all, this book was really good. Though, you know. I inhaled all references to Robin and Edwin (of which there were many) and was sorta/kinda more invested in the hints of romance between Hawthorn and Alan. Obvs excited for the third book.

The Rules and Regulations for Mediating Myths and Magic by FT Lukens - 3.5/5 stars

Just Like This by Cole McCade - DNF

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I put this one down before I got through chapter 2.

Never Ever Getting Back Together by Sophie Gonzales - 5/5 stars

I tore through this book in a single day. It was SO funny and sweet. It's considered YA but quite honestly I'd call it New Adult. Or if you don't like New Adult, straight Adult. Sophie Gonzales is the author of one of my top reads of last year, but of course, since this is an f/f romance, I was wary. But ugh, so good. Highly recommend this one.

The Luminaries by Susan Dennard - 5/5 stars

Apparently the idea for this came from the author posting polls on twitter for what would happen next, which is...unspeakably lame, honestly. But the book that came out of it is great. Loved the world, loved Winnie and her family (especially her brother and his boyfriend).

Beguiled by Joanna Chambers - 5/5 stars

Loved the first one, loved this one more.

This Census-Taker by China Miéville - 3.25/5 stars

What was this even about? Pretty sure Miéville was high on peyote when he wrote this.

Nick and Charlie by Alice Oseman - 3.75/5 stars

Picked this up because it was 20% off at Target and was actually pleasantly surprised by how much more adult it is than the series. Then of course started watching season 2 of the series and found it to be as sanitized as season 1.

The Henchman of Zenda - KJ Charles - 3.5/5 stars

He Bears the Cape of Stars from Duck Prints Press - 4.5/5 stars

Glitterland by Alexis Hall - 3.75/5 stars

This is a re-release of one of a novel Hall wrote like a decade ago. It's not a romcom (which I knew going in), but I didn't expect it to be quite so rough. Similar in ways to Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble, only that was funnier. The fact that he wrote out the Essex accent really grated, but I guess it kind of made sense. My bigger issue with this book was the absolutely shit editing. There were repeated paragraphs, formatting issues, and places where it seemed like there had to be something missing because it made no sense.

The new edition is annotated by Hall, which was pretty fun. Not a bad read, but it's not Boyfriend Material.

Part 2

[ahylen]

Unresolved trauma is passed down through each generation and it builds and builds like a ball of snow rolling down a hill. It becomes normalized and it blocks your gifts and talents. Are you ready to break that cycle? #mentalhealthfitness #ancestrallineagehealing Posted @withrepost • @somaticexperiencingint Post credit @marina.y.t 🧡Learn more about Somatic Experiencing® @somaticexperiencingint Somatic Experiencing® resolves symptoms of stress, shock, and other traumas that accumulate in our bodies. When we are stuck in patterns of fight, flight, or freeze, SE helps us release and recover. OMG it is exhausting! As I walk through beautiful, lush green fields and constantly stare at my steps tracker to make absolutely sure that I hit 10K, I realize the amount of fear and anxiety that rushes through my body if I don’t. If I say or do the imperfect thing - this means I will be forever abandoned. It’s not that I ever experienced abandonment in my life. It’s that I experienced a sense of conditional love - love that depended upon doing the perfect thing and always being well behaved. This is not a shame/blame post. Emotional immaturity says that in every situation, there is wrong and right, guilty and innocent. But life is soooo much more complex than that. Your parents did the best THEY knew how to do, and at the same time, they hurt you deeply through this perfectionism. Many things can be true at once, and knowing that is so healing because then, we can actually engage in the healing work that allows us to feel the rage - which is so healing for rewiring that perfectionist trauma response. #somaticcoaching #somatic #innertransformation #consciouness #somaticmovement #somatictherapy #somatics #emotionalfreedom #healingtrauma #innerjourney #emotionalhealing #traumahealing #traumainformed #somaticexperiencing #innerhealing #perfectionsim #selfawareness #feelyourfeelings #yourfeelings #nervoussystemhealth #nervoussystemhealing #copingmechanism #anxietyfighter #dissociation #mentalhealthmatters #anxietyawareness #copingskills - #somaticexperiencing #trauma https://www.instagram.com/p/Ckiuf3rJAlp/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[ruminate88]

you can say I’ve made excuses:

Part of me says, maybe I didn’t need to know what I know now about emotional abuse and the other part of me says I needed to know so that I could change me to be better…

After my last relationship, I was so drained, exhausted, and hurt. I just wanted to stop hurting! I had prayed to Jesus to forgive me for being so suicidal all the time, and I felt like God helped me to have a more positive outlook. I met my husband directly after that, and it was hard to trust him at first because I had been hurt so much , but my husband was just really sweet to me and kind and gentle! I started to feel safe with him. I decided to start a relationship with him because he was the nicest guy I had ever met, but then my ex Andrew tried to get back into my life! I felt like all the healing and progress I had made thus far went out the window, and I was so sad over Andrew…… The pain was excruciating!!

However, my new man didn’t give up on me thank Jesus! My new man encouraged me to block Andrew‘s number and to move forward with my life. My new man understood just how I felt over Andrew. How sad I was, just how much I cared about Andrew but how Andrew kept hurting me. 🥺 My new man just kept being there for me and I can’t explain it or put it into words. I got married with my new man, but I never forgot Andrew. I never knew what happened to me… I knew that Andrew was toxic, I just didn’t know why I thought that about him and I even felt bad saying Andrew was toxic. (I could feel things were toxic but didn’t understand why) I never had heard about emotional abuse before and I never understood manipulation.

After I got married, I’m very defensive towards things my new man does or says. I was scared, I was comparing my new man to my ex. My reactions were always overreacting, and I’ve been overthinking a lot too. What I didn’t realize is, I had unhealed trauma…… I didn’t know what my ex put me through was trauma. I just knew that it was a lot and that I was sad for it all and I wanted to forgive him right away, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it all nor could I stop thinking about Andrew. I felt soooo guilty like I’m the most horrible wife in the world because I couldn’t stop thinking about Andrew but how come? There should be no reason to continue to think about him when I’m in this new healthy marriage…… (situations and certain things were triggering me and wounds were being exposed I didn’t realize I had still)

I began to seek answers, and suddenly I found my first video on TikTok about emotional abuse!!! Finally things started to make sense. I started to put pieces together I started to relive the past. I started to hurt all over again. I started to feel like a victim…… I hated feeling like a victim! I hated the way I felt! I was so uncomfortable and so miserable. There has been times my eyes have looked back at the past and looked at my exes at what they’ve done to me and suddenly I was angry and I wanted them to apologize. I wanted closure and I wanted things to be made right!

So, I’ve set out on this crazy journey to understand all of it. I have gotten so many answers and revelations, but yet I still have a lot of unanswered questions I’m never getting that genuine apology from them, I’m never getting closure from them…… What I am getting, is strength, self growth, and a reminder to keep moving forward! You cannot live in the past. The past is over, and you can’t change it. I can’t change my exes, I can’t change the mistakes we’ve both made, I can only change where I’m at now. The present is most important as you cannot change the past, nor do you have any control over the future. I don’t know who this is for, I made this account, not only to heal myself, but to hopefully heal somebody else too if this is you, I pray that you too are healing and passing it on to let someone else heal. Share your journey because you don’t know who needs it!!! ❤️‍🩹🥰

[harryhandstan]

lindseyyyyyy

SUPER BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁😽😽🥳🥳🥳🥳

(im sorry that was super late)

its crazy how fast a year goes by. i hope youre doing better now after the accident :(( what happened?? you dont have to answer if u dont want to ofc!!

i honestly have no words. im sorry you had to go through all that :(( i wish i could take away the pain ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

i am soooo happy and excited for you! you and your family deserve to live a peaceful life!! i honestly have no idea what its like in georgia but i hope you find somewhere safe!! maybe you could try to find a remote job if you wanted to stay in the area?? and honestly f*** your dad. you don’t deserve any kind of negativity im so proud of u for sticking up for yourself and your family!

ive got one year left!!! and it’s finally over!! school’s been ehh. its still difficult for me to make new friends but i’ll get over it. i got nosebleeds to see taylor 😭😭 but its still better than nothing & thank u!!

PLEASE tell me about stevie nicks and your roadtrip!! i cant wait to hear about it

im soooo proud of u!! im always here for u and im always wishing you the best! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷youuuu

-🧸

ahh thank you baby!!! no it's okay I didn't make a big deal about my birthday this year so it's fine 😊 it was the day after we got back from our road trip and I stayed with my sister for a few days and just hung out with her! she got me some cute lil harry coded fruit hair clips and made me dinner and we had cake and ice cream and watched a movie with her roommate!

oh no I don't mind saying what happened! I honestly thought I had already said, I'm sorry! my mom and I were leaving to go grocery shopping and I got kicked by a horse. I am doing better I've made a TON of progress but still feel like I have a long way to go. like doing simple things still takes a lot of my energy sometimes! like I said I was supposed to start a new job working at a daycare as a lead teacher and I think I'm gonna have to give that up now, because I can't imagine being able to work a full shift doing something like that 😔 which just kind of makes me feel lost rn as to what to do for income because I so had my heart set on working there!

thank you thank you for all the love, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this because it means so much coming from you! you'll never know how much I appreciate it ❤ it was honestly one of the most insane experiences I've ever had to go through, but as horrific as it was I feel like it's helped me appreciate life a lot more than I did before and realize the impact I have on people and how important I am to them! like my little brother said he cried when he found out and he's just not someone who shows his emotions a lot so it made me very 🥺🥺

I'm so sooooo excited for a new place like I'm already looking at things for my room and I'm looking forward to being able to put up so many harry related things and the big nakey™ poster that all the other harries have and like I said just a nice, clean, peaceful place I can heal and grow in!! and honestly we're in an area of GA that's superrr rural there's literally nothing here lol. I think we're gonna try to get an apartment in the same place where my little sister lives though so that would be perfect! I already feel at home there when I stay and it's a good little area. I probably will have to end up either getting back into selling crafty things or a remote job until I can build up my stamina again to be able to do more and get an in-person job!

yeah fuck phil all my homies hate phil!! he's done nothing but cause us trauma and stress and we'll all be better off away from him. thank you for your pride in me!!! it's never been easy for me to speak up for myself so I'm surprised I've been able to so much with him. he and I had a confrontation in 2021 where he just flat out asked me what was wrong and why I was upset with him and when I told him he basically gaslit me and in the end when I was standing in front of him crying after pouring my heart out, I was told “it’s been that way for a long time, you just need to get over it 🤷🏼‍♂️” so that’s what I’m gonna do, move out and get over it!!

ahhhh only a year left that’s amazing!! my heart is so full of pride for you I know how much hard work it takes to do that and it’s not easy. I hope you treat yourself when it’s all over to a big fat gift or some other sort of treat!! you deserve it 🫶🏻 and nosebleeds for taylor is okay!! I went to see her on the Red tour and we were in nosebleeds and it was still an amazing show. be careful and have a great time!

seeing stevie live was magical like I cannot even describe the good energy I felt while being there ✨ it was my first big outing after my accident and we had seats so I was able to sit down when I needed to (which was a lot more than I wanted to but it’s okay).

our road trip was only a few hours away but it was to see my little brother who we hadn’t see since december of 2021! we spent 4 days there and didn’t get to do a lot, but it was still great to visit him and his girlfriend. we hung out by the pool, ate at some cute little restaurants, saw the new little mermaid movie, and did some shopping 😊

again I’ll never be able to thank you enough for your pride in me!! I’m always here if you need me or whenever you wanna stop by to hear me ramble lol

all my love to you!!! 🩷🩵🩷🩵