#sometimes you really like something but it just isn't meant to be
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rebelfire · 19 hours ago
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Yeah, OP was confusing and conflating things. Like, part of female socialization is TRAUMA. Same for male socialization, it's just done differently to get different results. Not all trauma is socialization, and not all socialization is trauma. (Whether it results in trauma depends on what happened and how the person's brain processes it given the circumstances, their past experiences, and who they innately are.)
For example, female socialization can include things like always smiling so you are perceived as less of a threat. (Both cause you don't want to seem intimidating but also, your don't want them to make them feel bad cause they do NOT know how to process that.) Smiling in this case is meant to protect the one smiling, and that might be ingrained due to frequent reminders growing up that are uncomfortable (like saying they should be pretty because they present as a girl), but not necessarily something they'd say is traumatizing, but others may have been the subject of blatant abuse for not conforming to ensure that over time it sticks. BUT this isn't necessarily something that ONLY happens to those being socialized as female. In certain circumstances, this happens to those raised as male as well, just not stressed to be about being "pretty" so much as "don't show you're unhappy".
Not all trauma is socialization, and not all socialization is trauma, but there is a big overlap and the only person who can really identify if something is one or the other or both is the person in question.
But ALSO, female socialization does NOT stop at adulthood! I think that's the biggest flaw with OP's post. It continues so long as someone presents as female but I think they're under the impression that it's currently only applied to behaviors taught in childhood. That may be how some people incorrectly use it but that's simply wrong. It applies to any behavior reinforced by society. It can be as passive as getting a judgmental stare from someone on the train for not sitting with your legs closed while wearing a skirt. It doesn't have to be active and explicit, nor does it have to include a clear power imbalance. We're social creatures, so sometimes something as passive as not getting glared at in public IS socialization.
a lot of behaviors that get attributed to "female socialization" can be so much more easily and accurately understood as a person recognizing the power differential surrounding them and behaving sensibly in response to that.
like. does a woman politely listen to a man monologue at her because of some experience she had when she was twelve that magically cursed her to behave that way forever, or does she do it because the man has the power to hurt her and she knows it?
does a woman do all the dishes in her household because she is less capable of breaking out of a long-ago conditioned response than, like, your average trained dog, or is she doing that because she knows that all the men in the house will blame her if she doesnt and will make life worse for her if she speaks up?
maybe a lot of sexist patterns of behavior that are widely observed in society arent caused by women like, lacking willpower or backbone? maybe it is super fucking weird for supposedly feminist movements to imply this is the case when they talk about female socialization as the end all, be all of predicting human behavior?
isnt it both more useful and more respectful toward women to consider that they are perceiving their present circumstances accurately, and recognize when power is already being wielded against them, and take logical measures to deescalate and protect themselves because it works? is it not fucking clear to everybody that trans women in particular have to do this all the fucking time?
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glitter-stained · 2 days ago
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On villains with tragic backstories
Sometimes I'm like "is it really psychophobic, maybe i'm reaching, the character did say that they're not actually crazy they just like killing people" and then the narrative will hit me with "some terrible, dark horrors have happened in your past and this is why you are killing people but it's not too late to get admitted in a psych ward" and I wanna throw the comic through the window and myself with it.
The "mentally ill villain" trope isn't just saying that the villain is crazy or giving them hallucinations. If you're giving a villain a tragic backstory, and that backstory has caused them severe suffering the memory of which is still painful to the day, and the story expects you to believe that the villain's horrible behaviour is explained by the fact that this suffering broke something in them... It's worth examining if you're not just vilifying or demonizing mental illness on accident.
The issue isn't that your villain can't have a tragic backstory, or that the tragic backstory can't explain their actions: the issue is when the suffering itself is treated as a sufficient cause for the behaviour. Say a character was raised and abused by a cult that taught them killing puppies is good and then they kill puppies: not psychophobic. Say a character who used to love puppies was kidnapped and tortured by some guy just for the fun of hurting someone, no brainwashing or anything just pain, and then they get out and kill puppies because of the torture: psychophobic. There's a missing link in the reasoning here, a question of "what about this event taught/brought the person to the conclusion that it was a good idea to kill puppies or gave them a desire to?" The psychophobia is insidious, hiding in the implication that the trauma (because this is what it's really all about) is what made them kill puppies. Sometimes, people with trauma kill puppies. But killing puppies (or exploding buildings with children in it, or shooting someone in the spine, or severing heads and putting them in a duffle bag, or, or, or) is not and has never been a symptom of ASD*, PTSD, CPTSD, BPD, DID, DDD or any other trauma-induced disorder. It's a good idea to verbalise the logic, emotions, needs and desire that motivate your villain and where they stem from, to avoid falling into the trap that thinking their trauma, because of the magnitude of the empathy it's meant to generate for the character, is enough of an explanation for their behaviour. A villain being sympathetic because of their backstory doesn't mean that their actions are necessarily coherent.
On top of that, it's important to take in account other factors such as the original background of the character, their vulnerabilities, their age (super important when writing childhood/teenage trauma/young villains!), but also their ethnicity, gender etc etc. This is important for realism and accuracy, because trauma is neither a magical button that creates heroes nor sociopaths, but also because psychophobia interacts so easily with other forms of discrimination slipping through the cracks. Now that you've identified that your woc character becoming a manipulative, sociopathic "crazy ex" because of her trauma was not just a consequence of her trauma but the interaction between the trauma and personal factors, what are those implicit factors that contribute to make her manipulative, obsessed with her ex, etc.? And now that you've extracted them explicitly, like a zip file, can you examine them to see how many of these personal characteristics have to do with her being a woman of colour?
I hope it's clear that I'm not telling you what to write- I think imposing the idea that villains can't be poc, or queer, or working class, or disabled, or mentally ill, etc. is harmful, because it reduces potential representation, it's based on the assumption that I know what you're gonna write and it's gonna be fundamentally ableist, and it puts this pressure on fictional characters to be perfect icons of representation rather than actual characters with depth and personality (kinda like thinking you can't write a female character who cries because it implies women are weak). This is just to encourage you to be mindful about what you're doing when writing that tragic backstory, because it's not necessarily what we think about when we talk about mental illness, and it's important to analyse what you're writing with a measure of introspection: why am I writing this? What does this imply about the character? What's my reasoning for this character's reasoning?
I have zero issue with a mentally ill character kicking a puppy as long as the narrative isn't trying to tell me that it's a symptom of mental illness to kick puppies. But of course, perhaps the story could also be a critique of those stories about mentally ill people kicking puppies, and the satyre is flying way over my head; or perhaps there will be a secret plot-twist that happens after I stopped reading that explained why the character was kicking puppies, perhaps the book was an attempt at guiding and manipulating the reader into realising the flaws in that reasoning on their own, or perhaps it was a metaphor for something else entirely, etc, etc. I don't know. The point is, write whatever you want; but write it self-aware.
*in this context, ASD meaning Acute Stress Disorder
Two examples of comics I think do it pretty well:
> Arkham Knight Genesis: for all its flaws (i didn't really like this one), I think it does a pretty decent job of getting us to understand how Jason got where he is, that it wasn't just "tortured until evil", all the reasons for his resentment, all the brainwashing and manipulation are pretty explicit. Kind of an "easy mode" because the plot revolves around brainwashing, but solid on that front.
> Red Hood Lost Days: this one I'm more mitigated because there's this whole "pit madness/the pit made him a psychopath" thing Winick introduced to limit the damage of previous runs (and rightfully so imo, Pit Madness is a much better explanation for some of Jason's most batshit ooc runs than just trauma), but there are some pretty solid elements, especially when you know earlier comics. I'm thinking specifically about when Jason says something around the lines of "you murder people; i put down a lizard", as a direct echo to Judy's "I put down a mad dog", that's one of my favourite comic lines ever, I cheered seeing that parallel like yes, I can see the reasoning, I understand where you learned the lesson and what the thought process is and I support it.
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bouquetface · 3 days ago
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Stray Kids - Mars Placement/How the Members Act in Fights - pt. 2
PER REQUEST.
I used tropical this time instead of vedic since this isn't meant to be in-depth predictions. take it as fun!
Bang Chan
Sag Mars suggests when he's angry he feels a surge of energy. He needs to express his anger. The conjunction to Pluto and his Mercury in Libra makes it difficult for him to express his anger fully. He likely often is holding back in fights. You are unlikely to see just how angry he has become.
He tends to put himself in the other person's shoes - he truly seeks to understand the root cause of the problem and how to prevent future fights. He represses his emotions a bit - likely attempting to rationalize his emotions away.
The excess of energy can make him the type of person to pace around when angry. After a frustrating fight, he can leave to go on a walk or do something else active. In a romantic relationship, fights may sometimes lead to passionate sex. He needs to physically burn the feeling out of his body.
His Pluto conjunct Mars shows he is a grudge holder. In the 7th house, he is fair. With no conscious effort, he can keep a tally of the wrongdoings of himself and the other person. He listens and understands the other person. When he feels the other's intentions were selfish or immoral, he will cut people out his life and he will never forget or truly forgive.
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Han Jisung
Leo Mars aspecting Saturn makes it very likely that Han is able to keep his composure in fights. This is something he likely learns with age tho (Saturn's influence). In his youth, his mars being in a fire sign can create a very fiery competitive person - someone who uses anger as their main source of motivation. His Leo Mars sees himself as the authority - he could truly despite being told what to do/bossed around. This doesn't mean he never does what other's request of him tho - he simply demands to be spoken with respect.
He doesn't often avoid confrontation or expressing his feelings. If he's mad, he lets it be known but then easily moves on. Out of all the members, Han & Hyunjin are the least likely to let resentment be built up.
To truly anger Han, you would have to make him feel as if he's disrespected or something/someone he loves is being disrespected. In these incidents, he can't ignore the situation - at the very least he has to say something hurtful back. He is likely to get sassy in responses rather than saying something vulgar.
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Seungmin
He can whine and complain a lot when in a bad mood. He'll find fault in everything - very nitpicky. He can be very harsh. He likely doesn't usually speak in a directly angry tone, he'd simply criticize the other person in a very rude but honest way. He can be sharp and quick with his words. He's clever and observant - he can casually say something very hurtful.
He can hold back for a long time - attempting to ignore the problem if its a small thing. He has a more logical approach than emotional to fights. He does try to understand the situation from the other person's perspective.
He can get very stressed and overthink when fights are not resolved. He'd likely want to resolve the situation before the night ends because he won't be able to sleep otherwise. Negativity really takes a toll on him.
His aspect to Pluto suggests he is not a easily forgiving person. Virgo Mars tend to have sharp memories - he will not forget how he was made to feel.
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Lee Know
Lee can be somewhat similar to Seungmin. He is more reserved when angry. He can get quiet, analyze the situation, look for the most logical solution. He can become very critical of the other when angry.
He is less likely to be outwardly expressing anger - he won't be shouting, using vulgar language, etc. He is very thoughtful. He can looks for the best way to make the other person understand his perspective. He can be a bit stubborn so while he attempts to see both sides, he's usually secretly convinced of his way being correct.
He likely does hold grudges. He can sometimes let anger/resentment build up. Anger can come out at the wrong time. For example: the incident that truly angered him could have happened months ago but he'll express that anger over a seemingly small error.
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PART ONE:
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coraniaid · 3 days ago
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I've seen a few people suggest that Dawn's line about Willow and Tara in Season 5's Real Me ("One time I told my Mom I wished they'd teach me some of the things they do together. And then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs … I guess her generation isn't cool with witchcraft.") is evidence that Joyce is (literally, as well as metaphorically) homophobic. And on one level, I guess, yeah, that's the joke: we're meant to think that Dawn and Joyce were having two very different conversations and that it's really something other than witchcraft that Joyce "isn't cool with". But -- as with a lot of the show's writing around Buffy's mother -- I think this line is actually just evidence that the writers didn't care enough to write her consistently.
You see, Dawn's voiceover in Real Me is meant to be catching the audience up on Dawn Summers' life so far. All the events of the last four seasons we somehow didn't notice. She's talking about a conversation she had with her mom "one time", not right this minute. The stories she's narrating are about things she experienced before the start of the episode. But, as late as Buffy vs Dracula -- which aired only one episode before Real Me, and which in context the events Dawn is describing almost certainly happened earlier than -- it's also a joke that Joyce doesn't know Willow and Tara are gay. (Joyce tries to defend inviting a strange pale man into her home by telling Willow and Tara that "he seemed nice and normal" and that when they get older they'll understand that "it's hard to date … sometimes you just feel like giving up on men altogether". From Willow and Tara's reaction -- they look at each other and try not to laugh -- it seems pretty clear that we're meant to read this as Joyce not being up to speed on Willow and Tara's relationship.)
And, well, obviously, these two readings aren't mutually consistent. Joyce either knows Willow and Tara are a couple or she doesn't. She can't assume that "the things they do together" are anything other than witchcraft if she also assumes they're both exclusively attracted to men. But Marti Noxon (who wrote Buffy vs Dracula) and David Fury (who wrote Real Me) both had their own ideas for jokes at Joyce's expense, and nobody involved cared that the two different unflattering impressions of Joyce these jokes gave didn't actually mesh at all well together.
Ah well, at least there are plenty of other middle-aged woman in the show that the writers treat with respect. Like … uh. Hmm.
(… oh, and before the inevitable reply: no, I don't think it improves matters to argue that the monks' spell to create Dawn also changed everyone's memories so that they now remember that Willow and Tara actually came out to Joyce and she was weird about it. I don't think 'the monks did it' ever helps.)
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beef-brisket · 6 hours ago
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Adam: man, it's been a while since we've been on a long roadtrip. Most of the shit you hunt is relatively close by.
Lucifer nodded: Just thought we could do with getting out of the house for a bit.
Adam: You'll love this part of Canada, kid. It's beautiful.
Charlie: So... Vancouver... what is that?
Adam: Uh... a city?
Charlie eyes widen: Like, with people?
Lucifer: Yep. People. Heaps. And heaps of people.
Charlie: Wow... I've never... you and Lucifer are really the only human looking things I've seen that isn't... myself.
Adam: Yeah. It was rough for me at the start to. But you'll get used to it. We're probably only dealing with just one dude... or chick.
Lucifer: Or a pack. Remember?
Adam rolls his eyes: Yeah, yeah. I remember.
Everyone was silent as they drove, but somethings been on Charlie's mind.
Charlie: Adam? Did you turn into a werewolf?
She winced as Lucifer groaned.
Lucifer: Why don't you tell her, Adam?
Adam: Uh... yeah... I uh... it was only for a few minutes. No big deal.
Lucifer: No big deal...? You basically threw your neck into his mouth. Then I had to take your little bracelet off so you could get the infection out.
Charlie: You... wanted to be biten?
Adam: No! I just... werewolves are cool, okay? I was excited... I forgot I was just a dude, and uh... yeah. Just... got excited.
Lucifer rolled his eyes: Yeah, reeeal excited... twilight ass bitch-.
Adam: Hey! Twilight is a fucking gem! Pure cinema!
Lucifer: Sure, Adam.
Adam scoffed: Come on, Charlie, you're a chick. You like twilight, right?
Charlie: Uh... never seen it, sorry.
Adam: What?! Shit. I know that we're doing when we get home.
Lucifer: Lord help us.
Charlie chuckled.
After another hour of only rock music, Charlie fell asleep. When she woke up, she listened to Adam and Lucifer.
Adam: I still feel like shit... I didn't even think-.
Lucifer: Hun. It's fine. Really. I don't need a kid. It would have been nice, but it was never in the cards. Especially not for us. Not with what I do or what you are. Besides. Heaven and Hell is full of bitches that won't leave us alone. Even after all this time.
Adam: I know... I just... should have done something before going nuclear on Heaven... then making you get involved. It wasn't fair.
Lucifer: Adam. If you think I was going leave you to face Heaven alone, then you're insane.
Adam: It was my fight. I let them get the better of me, and that out you in the line of fire. And now, I have no idea how to help Charlie. I don't know what to teach her... I mean, fuck! Sometimes, I still don't know how to control myself! I fucking... it takes so much concentration. When I'm in the forest, I try so hard... but if I stay that way for too long, I feel myself slipping... hoe the fuck am I meant to teach her, when I still don't know myself?
Lucifer: Because you're older than her. You've had more experience. I know you're still struggling, love. But I feel it'll take you a few thousand years to learn how to control yourself. And that's just because of your age. Things would move slower for you, and that's okay. The power you have is unimaginable. Who knows, maybe you'll never be able to control it.
Adam: Wow. Rude.
Lucifer smiles: I mean it in a nice way. You're incredible, Adam. And you're doing amazing. That means you have a lot to teach Charlie. Even if it's just how to fly. That's more than what you ever got.
Adam: ...yeah..
Charlie smiled. When they weren't being flirty, they were actually adorable. They would have made great parents.
I miss our God!Adam Au
Sequel 👀
In Canada Eh! Lmao
CANADA FOREVER
Yes plsss! I miss our stupid, power-hungry boy 😫😫
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aro-culture-is · 2 years ago
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Aro culture is not understanding why people break up if they had been swooning over each other.
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moonchild-in-blue · 8 days ago
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I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙
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(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)
#sometimes i forget i'm a painter lol#this is just the base so i'll still add some cool stuff (colours and some gold leaf details hehe)#usually my thing is more flat/less busy painting (with more mixed media) but i've been digging this vibe lately#my art account is completely wiped cus i private everything earlier this year (same with personal)#but i wanna start posting again. not just old stuff but actually *make* something new everyday#like a little challenge i suppose#since i'm not currently working in my field and have being going through a bit of a rough adjustment period about ✨things✨#(plus the whole depresh spiraling)#i barely have been making any art at all that isn't just sketches/silly stuff#i miss painting. i miss making murals and working on an actual project etc#now that *some * things have been settled AND i finally have my own space i feel a lot more keen on working on it#i know i hardly ever talk about that part of my private life cus i do wanna keep it somewhat separate from here#but i guess i'm in a good mood and kinda ready to admit some stuff#??? that didn't make sense#i'm feeling hopeful for next year and have a semblance of a plan. That's what I meant there you go#i can already feel myself cringe cus everytime i share these type of things something ALWAYS bites my ankles#and that's why i hardly ever share anything at all with anyone ever until it actually is done or underway#which is! not good! i'm aware! but. ya know#ANYWAYS. rant over. look at the pretty colours and ignore my rambles#hmmmm my band crush guy (platonic) (guess who) (🕊️🥁) said my name and loved my super insightful question and i'll probably dream about it#(and the other really liked it too. MY BABE. it was kinda silly so very unexpected)#(okay i think this is buried deep enough to not make myself look like a 12 with a stupid crush) (hehehehehe)#darya does art#<- sure in the art tag it goes#blue#(it was a coincidence! i've never done anything exclusively blue before actually!) (in this capacity i mean)#traditional art#abstract painting
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mantisgodsdomain · 6 months ago
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We ought to write more Pokemon fic some time. We want to recreate the Pokemon Manners/Human Manners cheat sheet that we made a few years ago we think that this site would like the Sliding Scale Of Politeness When Greeting A New Pokemon You've Never Met Before.
#we speak#writing#we grew up with pmd games and we feel like the way that pmd pokemon's dialogue tends to be excessively... direct?#should be a feature and not a bug when any pokemon that you meet might be totally unfamiliar with your species and biology#it's probably very polite to start up front with some basic facts about yourself so they know how to act going forward#the very upfront feel to dialogue also very much helps with keeping the dialogue feel more... pokemon#people mock the series for weird npc dialogue a lot but we think that taking these things literally makes for more fun society building#it doesn't all have to fit with socially acceptable for our world we think. polite in our world isn't even consistent by household.#sometimes a polite interaction sounds like “hello! i'm poochyena! i like to chase people and bite!”#name and immediately socially useful information. now you know about the chasing people and biting so you don't assume it's rude#of course poochyena bites and chases people. it likes to do that. you can say you don't like that and it might stop doing that to You#but it will not stop biting and chasing people because that's what it likes to do and it will probably only befriend people okay with that#it makes a very specific dialogue feel that's very fun to do. we like how the pokemon world tends to treat any sort of like#disability or “weird” things as something that you just say out the gate and everyones like “oh okay”#and then treat that as Part Of Interactions going forwards. there are a surprising amount of parts of the pokemon manga#that are dedicated to working around a character's disability after one or all of their means of dealing with it get taken out#admittedly we aren't that caught up on newer content but we find the way that it tends to be just Accepted as very refreshing#making the dialogue this direct does also tend to make it read as more “childish” in english and particular because a lot of Maturity's jus#learning how to dance around what you're saying or phrase it in different ways to get your idea across differently#whereas here everything is just as direct as possible. “i don't like charmander”. “i like roasting berries”. “i want to dig things up”.#all pokemon dialogue tends to go towards being exceedingly simple and it makes for some very distinct writing#especially when you have to tackle complex situations with characters who probably dont employ that sort of vocabulary#though we personally enjoy doing this sort of stuff your mileage may vary ofc#we are biased towards this sort of thins because we find it MUCH more fun to build up what we're talking about from blocks#than to like. try and use more indirect wording that may lose things in translation#unfortunately this is not fun in irl conversation. everyone has to be on the same page and you need to use the same playbook to communicate#we REALLY wish people said what they meant though. we're really tired of being asked shit like “is this accessible”#when what they mean is “can you climb these stairs” a question which depends on the day our energy level and how things have been going#there are a lot of things we could say that would make us feel like some sort of anti sjw type guy and a lot of em boil down to just#"for the love of god dont dance around a Sensitive Topic just get to the point and ask us about it this just makes things harder for everyo
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giantkillerjack · 1 year ago
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My sister-in-law frustrates me to no end even though we barely ever interact because she keeps inviting my partner to parties with her Christian Republican friends, even though my partner told her not to send an invite to us if those friends will be there. And even though my sister-in-law is bisexual!!
And then she turns around and complains about not knowing how to deal with her friends saying, like, horrible sexist stuff as though that is just some natural unavoidable quirk of having friends!
Like, these Christian Republicans she has befriended don't seem to be kind - they're not even nice a lot of the time! They don't make for good friends, and she doesn't seem happy or supported in relation to them. In fact, she basically only ever talks about how her friends and/or current boyfriend are making her unhappy!
Because here's the thing: The effect of prioritizing 'including your Trump-supporter friends at your parties' over 'being invested in creating a safe space for marginalized people in your home', is that people who DO care about creating those safe spaces... won't wanna hang out with you! Because if you invite both cats and mice to your table equally, only the cats will show!
She's so afraid of losing the shitty friends she has now that she allows them to act as barriers to accessing friends who are invested in her wellbeing in a capitalistic hellscape!
It makes me sad because she's basically trapped herself, and there's nothing I can do to offer help without either compromising my morals or making my partner's life way harder by starting shit with her family.
Like, I consider myself a good friend, yeah? I try really really hard to be one, and it matters to me immensely. I am ride-or-die for the folks I love, and I am invested in being open and vulnerable and radically safe to be around when it comes to building strong friendships that are mutually fulfilling. I have a unique talent for validating people that I have honed for years because I genuinely want to make sure people feel safe and loved and seen.
And if my sister-in-law and I were friends, I could give all of that to her. I would strive to be an example of what it looks like when someone decides to care about you and treat you right on purpose, without expecting anything in return but your mutual respect. She would be family. She would be [Queer] Family. I would see to it that she knew she could call on me when she needed a friend.
But like.
This asshole has invited me to hang out with Trump supporters on multiple occasions.
We ain't gonna be friends.
#original#diary#family shit#I'll just continue to act friendly at family events#my friends help make me a better person. i don't think she could say the same for hers. makes me mad and sad#reminds me of the time i had to end a friendship bc a woman i had been inviting to group events revealed to me that she was#literally friends with Kelly Ann Conway. yes the aid to the president. that Kelly Ann. and when i tell you this friend of mine did NOT#understand why her defending Kelly Ann Conway made me feel unsafe. it was WILD#that's how my sister-in-law reacted when my wife was like 'hey stop inviting my non-cis ass to parties with transphobes'#both made arguments similar to 'i already don't have many friends why do you want me to lose more??'#like girlies you can't invite me and a bunch of homophobic Christians to the same party what is fucking wrong with you??#you can goddamn bet if you came to one of my parties there wouldn't be anyone there who'd try to defend the Trump administration#loneliness is frightening and painful and no joke but cowardice is no joke either#and this attitude meant that my wife and i could not safely rely on her when we went through several crisis situations#and this is something i find difficult to forgive bc shit was touch and go over here for a couple years#my wife isn't even as salty as i am about it but she never is when the primary person harmed is herself#maybe if sister-in-law recognized the flawed behavior and changed but she probably won't tbh and i have shit to do#have fun with your fascist friends girlie i wonder if sometimes it feels more lonely than if you were alone#have fun practicing the white silence our parents got so good at; you're really carrying on the family business your dad must be so proud <#i haven't had to deal with friends saying sexist shit for literal years sorry you've made yourself unsafe to trans people i guess#making friends is hard i know that all too well. but i also know that the more friends i make who make me feel sad and small#then the less time i have for friends that make me feel loved and motivate me to be a better person. time=limited. people=over 6 billion.#school was harder because the amount of folks was more limited. same with small towns. but we are all ADULTS LIVING IN CHICAGO#capitalism makes finding friends harder too but like it has GOT to matter to you that Trans people and POC feel safe#we each have control over whether oppressed people feel safe around us. don't fucking waste that.
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paint-music-with-me · 1 year ago
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#so I think ep 12 is really good - does it have problems? yes.#do I think Atom should've apologized to Boston's face properly? yes#do I think boston should've apologized to top's face properly? yes#do I think Nick's interesting choice words for his last convo with Boston were def harsh? yes#do I wish they did the fire topmew scene a bit differently to make it more poignant esp since they've been shitting on top? yes#so many things! And that's just ep 12 bc jfc if u asked me abt the other eps?...we'd be here all night#basically it's this - they are characters meant to rep early 20 something students who are so messy and flawed and reckless#will they each recognize every mistake they've ever made? noooooo bc WHY WOULD THEY??? WHEN ITS ABT THEIR PAIN!?!?#THEY ARE THINKING OF YHEMSELVES#THATS HOW IT IS SOMETIMES - I DO THE FUCKING SAME THING#it feels v much like the end of edge of seventeen where you're with a character you've bonded over for an hour and a half and realize#NO ONE is going to apologize to them - not truthfully or fully or genuinely or etc and it's sad and heartbreaking and painful#but newsflash - it happens#and don't think you've done it right all the first time and apologized rightfully - and if u did?? It's bc that person mattered to you!#these 'friends'??? while yes they are - they also are not#im fucking surprised they all stayed friends tbh bc they don't truly make sense long-run but they have that business together so let's see#let's face it - it's the friendships it's the meanings it's the labels it's the community it's the assumptions it's the lack of words#ya'll saying you want toxic but can't handle when everything is not fair#and it isn't fair! there's exec decisions there's editing decisions there's casting decisions! bruh. it was set up from the start.#editing based on audience reaction? bruh. played right into their hands#blabber time#please ignore me#not even gon put the tags bc ya'll vicious as fuck when it comes to your characters while valid I'm tbh too tired to hear abt
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grenriv · 2 years ago
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I wish I didn't feel so violently alienated from my own religion sometimes. like I really do believe in what I believe in and I want to have a better and deeper relationship with God and I would like to build relationships with other christians and then whenever I hear other people talking about doctrine/scripture/God it just feels. so cold to me. or even just the way they act in general. it's very hard to explain but it always sounds like they're reading from a script instead of voicing genuine thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like there's a barrier between me and them or I'm doing something horribly wrong, even if at the root of it I do agree with what's being said
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hazmatmaid · 6 months ago
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A simplification:
Level 1-upper 2/lower 3: "yeah i can see that happening."
Level 4: "where did that even come from? that doesn't make any goddamn sense/he would not say that."
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it came to my realization that 99% of my fandom related headaches would be cured if everyone understood this
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oveliagirlhaditright · 2 months ago
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So, I don't know if I'm ever going to watch the 5th Wave movie based on reviews I've seen for it now (even though I also feel bad saying this--and think maybe I should--because I'm also someone who thinks you should judge things for yourself), but I have watched a few amvs for it... and just based on that (though I admit that that might not be a fair metric to base it on), I do agree with people who think that Evan Walker was miscast (it also might have been direction issues). He just seems too earnest to me? Too trustworthy? And that's sort of a problem, of course, because you needed to have so many moments in the film where you didn't know if you could trust the guy or not. And based on the scenes I've seen, he doesn't seem mysterious/sketchy enough. He also doesn't give off the vibes where Cassie was like, "I'm going to kill Evan Walker!" because he was pissing her off so much. IDK. -shrugs-
#i also hear that ringer doesn't feel like ringer? and i haven't seen any clips of her to judge yet? but if so that's also a shame#i feel like they needed someone like how david boreanaz played angel or something#and i admit he wasn't always the best actor back then (he got better in his own show) but he definitely gave the 'i don't know if i can/#should trust you' vibes. and also the 'this guy is an asshole and i want to punch him in the face for it' ones sometimes#robert pattinson. too. in twilight. like... i have my issues with the twilight movie and even some of rob's casting in it believe it or not#but he also gave 'is this guy really trustworthy?' and asshole vibes in it#like i said: i don't necessarily blame the actor it truly might have just been bad direction#also... this might just be me. but i feel like some lines in things really should be read kind of matter-of-factly?#or at least that's how i read them? and i feel like if maybe if they were read that way they would have the intended affect? but in movies#actors put their whole heart and soul into them. and i GET why. but it's like 'no this character#isn't necessarily like that. or they have a certain time for that with the character. you don't have to read every line of theirs like it#was a life-changing moment for them.'#idk.#you know what my guess with ringer is? just kind of based off of polandbananasbooks description of movie ringer vs. book ringer is?#i think book!ringer was kind of based on anime characters who kind of talk emotionlessly (sometimes to seem/sound badass) and/or a lot of#times because of trauma#she seemed very homura akemi-y to me... and i feel like american directors don't know what to make of that. or probably don't even read tha#at all when reading the book (because they don't know the archetype). and so in the movie adaptation we get “whiny” instead#and to be fair... times when american media has tried to adapt that archetype it hasn't always worked. it DOES sound badass in japanese#but in english it often sounds like you can't act/can't emote#but yeah: both polandbananasbooks and i read ringer as kind of emotionless (rather her emotions were under lock and key) because of trauma#and badass so i do think that's how she's meant to be read
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I'm tired of the way we coddle "escapist" media. we act like, by virtue of being a simpler world, it shouldn't be held to the standards that more apparently complex stories are held to. and then, when the creator dares make your "comfort escapist show" have greater emotional stakes people have the audacity to say it's out of character
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thedreadvampy · 1 year ago
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I mean sure, I can understand this perspective, but I'm not sure whether most people feel less shaken to be thrust into conversations about "self-unaliving" than conversations about "suicide"
and I for one as a survivor would much rather unexpectedly encounter somebody talking about "rape" than somebody talking about how funny it is to have sex with somebody when they don't want to, a normal thing that doesn't need to be named because it's So Normal.
which is to say. this is a post about words. the words are not the distressing thing about the discussion. the distressing thing is the distressing thing about the discussion. sugarcoating, dodging or renaming the distressing thing doesn't make it less distressing but it DOES often make it harder to have a frank discussion about it or address it in serious terms.
[pinch of salt: solid probability from their blog that this person is a Literal 14 Year Old and the perspective from 30 and 14 are very different. I do stand by all the points I'm making but I think this conversation lands a lot different for people at different life stages - there is something to be said for the general issue that the internet has flattened social groups to the degree that I as a 30 year old can make a post to my audience of largely adult millennials that immediately enters the same conversational space as people half my age and still in school. that seems. ungreat. as the primary way we engage in conversation. but I don't have solutions to offer.]
you gotta be able to say "die"
you gotta be able to say "suicide"
you gotta be able to talk about "sex"
they're uncomfortable topics, YEAH for SURE
because LIFE is uncomfortable. Death and suicide and sex and pain are straight up going to happen. not having words for the way it discomforts you doesn't make it more comfortable, it just makes you less able to reach out about it.
even more vital, you gotta be able to say words like "rape", "abuse", "queer" or "racist". cause we fought fucking hard to name those experiences. to identify "rape" as distinct from "sex" and "racism" as distinct from "acceptable behaviour" and "queer" as distinct from "invert"
like the function of communication is not to minimise immediate discomfort. we gotta be able to talk about stuff that's hard or sucks or causes difficult conversations.
#red said#i also wholeheartedly disagree with the rest of your post#all entertainment is political. all of it. because politics is the models we use to describe how we interact as a community#and art is inherently communal. so it's inherently political.#that doesn't mean all entertainment has to be a Pure Political Statement. some stuff is just dumb because dumb shit is fun.#but like it's not. detached from the world. and a lack of political intent doesn't mean it's utterly unchallenging.#ok for example. have you ever. enjoyed watching a cheesy 80s zombie movie and it is gory and stupid and great#but then there's a scene where maybe there's a really fucked-up implication about what we as an audience are meant to think#or a rape scene played for light laughs. or whatever your line is.#and they meant it to be fun. you watched it for fun. but you're not having fucking fun any more. there's a bad taste in your mouth.#contrast. sometimes i am reading a nonfiction article for work or something. it is miserable and grim it is about homelessness and dv#but the writer has put it together so well and made their point so clearly you're like YES! YES! THAT'S IT!!!!#and even beyond that like. i am a disabled multiple rape and abuse survivor. i have been through a non zero amount of The Shit.#and a lot of the stuff i find most entertaining and relaxing is stuff that acknowledges that as a Thing Which Happens#like I'm a nerd man. i like video essays about misogyny and fascism and reactionary homophobia.#i like films that make me cry bc they touch an emotional raw spot. i like tiktoks where people joke about their experiences of abuse#i like SFF stories about trauma and survival and sad robots#and yeah you know sometimes i want to watch a comedy panel show or a tiktok of bottles rolling down stairs#but effective entertainment is a conversation! comedy and chill vibes rest on like. deciding what to riff on#and who your anticipated audience is. and nah actually that's not apolitical and also#identifying common human experiences like death or trauma or marginalisation as inherently Political and therefore Unfun#misses the point that like. the question isn't what you acknowledge but how you acknowledge it.#as a rape survivor. for example. i don't necessarily want to open tiktok to a lecture on rape culture.#but i might well stick about for a standup routine about being a survivor of rape#and i will absolutely bounce from a vid where nobody mentions rape bc they think what they're talking about is fine when it's. rapey af.#anyway. this is a sidebar cause even if i agreed about entertainment v politics my main point would still stand#but i very much don't agree and i think you need to maybe look at how you approach entertainment media as neutral#but also i feel very strongly about this and not to harp on the like aS A sUrViVoR thing but#AS A SURVIVOR my fucking LIFE includes ''dark topics'' like suicide and rape. and i don't appreciate how often that's treated as#an unfair imposition to speak about or acknowledge. 'dark shit' is inescapably a major part of my life/self AND I'm funny + entertaining
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whereserpentswalk · 15 days ago
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Reblog to receive your transformation, look under the cut to find out what it feels like to transform.
Vampire: You can feel it, slowly changing you since you were first bitten by that creature. You felt stronger at first, not needing to eat, not needing to sleep. It was like the burdens of a human form were lifted from you. The only thing you needed was to drink blood, which isn't that hard to come by. Then the physical transformations began, your body becoming slenderer and more androgynous, until soon you barely are recognizable. One day you wake up and your eyes are pure black, slowly your mouth grows sharp teeth, and special joints and seams in your flesh that allow you to open it into a massive mess of fangs and teeth but close it back up into something humanoid if you want it to. As the last of your humanity goes away, your sex characteristics and body hair entirely disappears, leaving you feeling wonderfully smooth. Perhaps in the past this body would be disturbing to you, you barely look like yourself, but now, looking at yourself and feeling so much more confident, this just feels like you, like what you are meant to be.
Incorporeal: You've lost yourself. You can't feel anything. No skin, no blood, no organs. You can only really sense the vague nature of the room your spirit is inhabiting. If you want to move you just think of yourself as going to that location, and if you want to pick something up you just think of yourself as lifting it. Even your appearance is no more than a sort of hologram, able to be changed at but a thought. You feel strangely comfortable this way. Nothing can hurt you now. It takes a bit of time, you have to focus on how you look a bit to look in a way that feels really you, but it eventually feels way more like you then anything in your old body did. It's weird, your old form just felt like a vessel that you needed, but in leaving it you feel entirely free, like you just don't need that type of body anymore. You look at your old body, lying dead upon the floor, and you can't help but know that that just isn't you anymore.
Lycanthrope: It was slow harnessing the changes. The werewolf who bit you didn't tell you much when she passed on her curse. It's something you can work will, you slowly figured out how to harness small changes, modular yet more modular as time passes on. You can just give yourself the eyes, or ears, or teeth, or feet, if you need to by now. Decide exactly what is wolf and what is human. It's more normal not that you realize how fluid your body is, that every part is just a single state that part can be in and not it's permanent fate. You can choose how much of a wolf you are at any time and that's fine and normal now. And sometimes you like fully being a wolf, like how it feels to run on all fours, how it feels to taste meat freshly on your teeth, how it feels to howl at the moon. You also like being a full human at other times, especially now that that doesn't constrain you anymore. Most of the time you're just something else though. Most of the time you're just you, not wolf or human but something your own.
Cyborg: You can feel parts of your body being cut away. You don't know why but it doesn't bother you as much as you thought it would. Your legs being painlessly sliced off, those legs that hurt when you walked on them. You can feel your torso having it's organs slowly drained out of it, no more stomach pain as you have no more stomach, no more shortness of breath as your lungs become medical waste. Your fat and muscles and bone are cut from your body, leaving your body type null. A mask of sorts is closed over your skull as the skin of your face, a face you were once stuck with for your entire life, is finally taken away. And in your discarded body parts place new mechanical parts are added, and these parts are finally your own, you picked out the designs, you control exactly how they look, the art style that your new body will be drawn in, the form your form will be able to take. And if there's anything you dislike, it can always be replaced, you can't be trapped in your body anymore, and you can't be hurt by it now.
Melted: You can feel your new form, slowly writhing like the slimes you felt before did. You have no distinct parts, no bones, no limbs, no organs. All you have is the form. It feels weird, you see and feel so much differently now it can barely feel like seeing or feeling at all. It's like playing with goo in your hands, but you don't have hands anymore. Slowly but surely, you sculpt yourself a new appearance, allowing your body to be something to thrive in instead of just something to survive within. You can't control your color but everything else is up to you. It's like sculpting, even limbs and heads and eyes are all metaphors when it comes to this new universal substance that is your form. You're not sure how others will see you when you're something so strange, but you like what this means for yourself, at least for now.
Flight: Your arms have slowly been stretched out, each of your fingers longer than your entire arm once was on both hands, and this strange tight skin between them. Your body is strong in some places, but weirdly skinny in others, it all feels so different, so new. Your feet have been changed to work more like hands, now that your arms can't be used to grasp, and walking is no longer as much of a requirement for you. You feel weird, like everything is there, but it's hard to see how it all fits together. Still, now that you do get to fly it's wonderful, seeing the ground below you, seeing the sky above you, feeling so free while you're completely in the air, seeing how impressed everyone is looking at you doing that. Maybe it was worth it. Despite how much it takes getting used to you don't dislike how any of it feels, and despite what some people might think of it, it feels so nice to be able to just go through the air like that without anything restraining you anymore. You wouldn't go back at the very least.
Mind upload: You can't feel anything. But you can see, the image of what you'd expect a computer monitor to display take up the totality of your vision. You can't feel a mouse or keyboard or anything, but you can move the cursor as much as you once could move limbs. If you hadn't asked for this it would seem like the worst of punishments, but this was your desire. You can look at any website you want, and no longer do you have to worry about time, about food, about sleep. You can contact anyone online just as you once did, without any breaks. The mortal world is no longer your worry.
Limbs become longer: You know you won't be like the other giants; you'll be somewhat in-between, you're not sure if you are thankful of that fact or not. It's a lot to deal with either way. You can feel you skin and bone stretching oddly, your arms and legs doubling then tripling in their length. It hurts but you can think of all the ways you won't be human anymore. You won't fit into most spaces; you'll need certain accommodations. But you still want this despite everything that it implies. It feels strange when your torso changes, with your limbs it's just bone that's moving, but with this you can feel your organs extending and changing. Too late to change things now. You wonder how people will see you? Will they be scared? Maybe that's what you want from them now?
Pyromancy: You can feel the burning inside you now. Even when you don't focus on it in any way it's in you, your warmth, your blood always hot, the feeling with every breath that you could shoot out fire. Other people with powers need to learn how to extend them to be actually useful, not you, you had to learn how to keep yours under control. It just feels right, to be able to use fire, to feel the fire as part of your body whenever you pass by any. You find yourself fidgeting with it easily, letting the fire move alongside you, because it's just so natural. You'll light up a bit in your hands, or around your face, in the middle of conversation. It doesn't burn you anymore, it feels good, it feels better than almost anything else you've felt in your life to feel fire on your body now. A few people are afraid, but you try to keep yourself calm. Even so, it feels so good to let it burst out of you, to shoot balls of fire into the air, or breath it from your mouth, it's hard to go a long time without doing something like that. It's not just something you have but it's part of you, it's part of you that was always meant to be there perhaps.
Frog: You slowly feel yourself shrink down. It dawns on you that you're going to change a lot. But you've said your last goodbyes to your humanity either way. You can feel your hair and teeth falling out, your bones reshaping and getting smaller and more delicate. Your biology completely changing. It's a lot to get used to and it all happens within a few seconds. For a moment you're worried you'll lose your human mind, but it just doesn't happen, mentally, emotionally, you're entirely the same as you always were. But you don't have to worry about human things anymore. Frogs don't have to work jobs, or pay taxes, or pay rent, you're allowed to finally just be. When you choose to go naked, and walk on all fours, you don't even have to let on that you're human at all anymore. You can exist in peace as long as you exist and forgo the responsibility of human things unless you choose to want them.
Demon: You feel the last of your human blood get replaced with the blood of that creature. It hurts for a moment, but then you stop feeling such pain, you feel a tyle of prowess you haven't felt before. Your eyes glow, you can just feel that they glow now. Your human form begins to change, perfectly growing into your ideal body type and look, and everything feels so right. And then things go beyond just that human form. Horns grow from your head, and your teeth grow sharp, you can always feel them, even when you aren't paying attention, and it makes you feel so very cool. Your reproductive organs are replaced with a neck and head of a serpent, completely genderless, but more able to feel pleasure somehow. Wings grow on your back, and you flex them, feeling the strangeness and wonder of having new limbs and joints. You grow a scorpion like tail from the base of your spine, that equally feels so strange and wonderful and new to move. You can shapeshift back into any human form when you need to, you can even effect what people do and don't recognize as your old self, but this form, your truly demonic form, that's what truly feels like it's you.
Murder: you can kill now. No description needed.
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