#reminds me of the time i had to end a friendship bc a woman i had been inviting to group events revealed to me that she was

[giantkillerjack]

My sister-in-law frustrates me to no end even though we barely ever interact because she keeps inviting my partner to parties with her Christian Republican friends, even though my partner told her not to send an invite to us if those friends will be there. And even though my sister-in-law is bisexual!!

And then she turns around and complains about not knowing how to deal with her friends saying, like, horrible sexist stuff as though that is just some natural unavoidable quirk of having friends!

Like, these Christian Republicans she has befriended don't seem to be kind - they're not even nice a lot of the time! They don't make for good friends, and she doesn't seem happy or supported in relation to them. In fact, she basically only ever talks about how her friends and/or current boyfriend are making her unhappy!

Because here's the thing: The effect of prioritizing 'including your Trump-supporter friends at your parties' over 'being invested in creating a safe space for marginalized people in your home', is that people who DO care about creating those safe spaces... won't wanna hang out with you! Because if you invite both cats and mice to your table equally, only the cats will show!

She's so afraid of losing the shitty friends she has now that she allows them to act as barriers to accessing friends who are invested in her wellbeing in a capitalistic hellscape!

It makes me sad because she's basically trapped herself, and there's nothing I can do to offer help without either compromising my morals or making my partner's life way harder by starting shit with her family.

Like, I consider myself a good friend, yeah? I try really really hard to be one, and it matters to me immensely. I am ride-or-die for the folks I love, and I am invested in being open and vulnerable and radically safe to be around when it comes to building strong friendships that are mutually fulfilling. I have a unique talent for validating people that I have honed for years because I genuinely want to make sure people feel safe and loved and seen.

And if my sister-in-law and I were friends, I could give all of that to her. I would strive to be an example of what it looks like when someone decides to care about you and treat you right on purpose, without expecting anything in return but your mutual respect. She would be family. She would be [Queer] Family. I would see to it that she knew she could call on me when she needed a friend.

But like.

This asshole has invited me to hang out with Trump supporters on multiple occasions.

We ain't gonna be friends.

[msp9]

THIS IS MY LIKES AND DISLIKES OF CHAOS THEORY ⚠️Spoilers below cut⚠️

When i first finished this season, I too like some people, was skeptical about it. I get why some people say its bad, I just thought it was very different from cc. At points the characters didin't feel like themsleves, the way some of them were written and the designs gave me a real hard time to get used to them. Also i felt as if it was just too much to process at times so i rewatched it and my final answer is that its a good show the pacing is incredeble, the plot, the suspence and character development. i just had a hard time getting used to everything new? Ig. I'm still doubting whether its a 10 but sure thing is that it was a very good first season its a easy 9/10. So here are the thinks i liked abt it:

-THE WAY THEY POTRAYED EVERYONES TRAUMA/STRUGGLES , Sammy having anxiety, Yaz overcoming her ptsd, and KENJI. MY BOY. That must have been the best breakdown i've seen in animated series. Whoever wrote that scene. Wow. It was the best thing in the whole show honestly. His vision gtting blurry, having truble breathing. The panick. Wow. I CANNOT SAY THIS LOUD ENOUGH.

-Ben and Sammy duo? Hello? Im srry to say but you might just be better than Yaz and Ben duo. Idk i really loved them.

- "Benjamin."

- Showing Yaz is doing better. Despite her ongoing struggles, she has clearly grown and matured the last 6 years, and the way she calmed Sammy in the sinking van? Ig all those therapy sessions and college paid off. That scene is a clear illustration of the progress she has made. I mean sammy did say "i can tell shes still struggling" but there wasnt really a clear scene of her getting stuck in place as she used to. So my guess is that it was just Sammys anxiety and the fact that they didint talk much. Bc then Sammy was surprised how she kept herselve together. So yeah

-YASAMMY. NOTHING MORE TO ADD.

-UM SAMMYS CHARACTER?? HELLO? GLOW UP, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, i loved her sm. She moved up to my top 3.

And her anxiety? It was so well shown too

-the fight between Sammy and Yaz felt so natural and not at all forced. They both had valid points and in the end they did understand each other and were on the same page.

-Ben being Ben in almost every episode

- Yasmina's "boo."

-Brooklynns design?? Majestic to say the least.

- ingore what i said ealrier abt the acting out of character. They do remind themsleves they just grew

Well, all except Ben...

-Kenjis new voice actor, he did a real good job, as much as it doesn't sound like him, he really captured some emotional scenes very well.

- The robot lady. THEY REALLY SAID TAKE A WOMAN AND MAKE HER CREEPY ASF. I was genunanly creeped out. And the detail that at the ranch if u listen closesly u can hear the whistle. Hell nah that was scary.

-Benrius Ben and Darius friendship, okay actually u can't tell me u didint feel it too, the tention between ben and Darius cmon we all know what u are Ben stop making up girlfriends in Europe

-Brooklynn turning bad, or from what we are told worked for bad people ig. Personally as much as it shocked me, im sure theres a good reason as to why and i cant wait to hear more abt in season 2.

-I can now undertand what everyone meant in reviews saying "its more mature" not only in the more death and dinos but it woyud be kind of confusing for a younger audience to undertsand some stuff in this show.

-I really liked Daniels kon death, maybe it wasn't necesarry but im all in for that dark death scene.

-Lastly the comment Sammy makes when Ben asks how bumpy got pregnant, and the yazs smirk. Gurl i was suprised they added that but i loved it

Now, the things that i didint like and why:

- First of all, Darius being in love with brooklynn. I mean i get it but i also dont get it. In my opinion, there shouldn't have been a different reason as to why Darius was the most effected by her death. They were close and she died. Its okay to be really effected by someones death and not bc u liked them, and i also do believe that the reason for him not showing up the night she "died" should have been smth more serious. Then again i get it bc now he felt a lot more guilt bc it was for a not so important reason he didint show up and thats why he didint tell anyone. Well axtually it isnt that bad, but i just felt it was forced for the plot. This again could be bc i started to like kenlynn and now they turned the tables completly but sure.

-Brooklynns voice actor. I just couldn't connect her to brooklynn? She sounded a lot different, not a major bad thing it was just hard to get used to.

-Ben having a gf, or supposedly having one, u telling me this man has a gf:

I thought it funny but yk that man is a homosexual

- and lastly, Brooklynn being alive. This might sound bad but it made sense for her to die. And i was kinda lamed out that she wasnt dead. (Pls ironically enough, just weeks ago i begged for her to be alive.) But like the way everyone suffered bc of her death, going throught the 5 stages of grief, and the way the show was played. It just would have been better if she died, all those flashbacks, the emotional moments, i mean its not gonna be the same when i rewatch it bc i know shes alive. Anyways enough abt this.

Actually i have nothing more to add to my "bad stuff" list but i might come up with smth later. Bc i will be rewatchibg it obviously. Ig lastly i just wanted more episodes how dare they cutting the season of right there.

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

okay things i liked about the live action:

the southern water tribe being bigger. it's still small but less unrealistically so

gyatso saying he's aang's friend

suki chafing against kyoshi island's isolationism. mostly bc it reminded me of "suki alone". you should read that instead probably

all the avatars serving as spirit guides instead of just showing up at the end. relatedly, incorporating kyoshi novel lore with kyoshi & kuruk

zuko throwing a fit bc aang stole his diary Manly Avatar Journal

zhao being a lower-status guy who just benefitted from right place right time

sebastian amaroso jet. he is so beautiful and perfect and that he was a mama's boy like katara's a mama's girl really worked

smellerbee and longshot existing. like they were obviously gonna be there but i got a little excited when they came on screen

moving the mechanist storyline to omashu. i thought his mad scientist energy fit well with eccentric omashu and it fixed the problems i had with his episode in atla. also he has a name now!

the idea that bumi, after living so many years as a leader during a war and losing his friend, may be bitter and upset with aang. his tests seem to have real meaning now instead of just being pranks and i like that eventually he softens when aang reminds him of friendship. like really gets at that theme of aang bringing hope back into the world

bumi's new design & omashu's general south asian feel

the one woman who started beating zuko's ass in the middle of the fight in omashu

OMA AND SHU LESBIANS!!!!

cameo by secret tunnel hippies

cameo by cabbage man

the guys in the bar referencing "the great divide" and "the waterbending scroll"

the way the spirit world works, responding to your emotions and shaping the environment around you. i know that idea's not exclusive to this show (it was in lok) but it's a concept i enjoy nonetheless

aang hugging gyatso and katara hugging kya in the spirit world got me a little teary

yagoda kind of a milf

yue making an actual cultural dish (it's called akutaq and often referred to as "alaskan ice cream")

katara responding to zuko saying "you found a master" by saying that she's the master

sokka's little plan to take down the fire nation ship where he went in and bashed in all their machinery. that was very in-character

sokka/hahn

unfortunately so much of what happened around those things was clumsily written but there WERE some decent ideas and good moments. idk i just wanted to be a little less negative

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

what do you think sirius’s relationship with his father was like

(i wrote a whole fucking biography, but there's a tldr at the bottom w some notes! also. i am so sorry. this ended up being orion's relationship with his eldest son instead. its pov orion forgive me please.)

sirius and orion ..... there's not much in canon about them, i think, right? he mentions him a whopping one time, when he said his father was the one who made Number Twelve unplottable and that's it, so i think orion was just. so very absent. and neglectful. especially considering how much walburga is mentioned and how big of a part she played in sirius' life.

that's all for canon, i think. now for the fun hc time !!

i imagine orion to be fairly quiet, more like regulus. i imagine he dealt with walburga's anger and mood swings (i hc her (and sirius) with bipolar ii disorder which was obv untreated her whole life bc a) fifties b) ew muggles im perfectly fine) ever since they met (with orion being younger and more complacent, too) so it wasn't a marriage where they were both equals, and orion resented walburga for it.

enter sirius black.

when sirius was born, walburga was completely focused on him. she had her son, her everything, her precious little child and orion was free. i think he loved sirius for it - for how walburga didn't notice when orion left the room or entered it, for how much walburga loved her son.

the first few years was good, sirius was charming, regulus was obedient, walburga was happy and orion was distant from the woman who'd ruined his life. plus, he liked his kids!

sure, sirius was too headstrong and aggressive and had mood swings and sure that reminded him a little bit of walburga and so he usually treasured his precious regulus, and yeah, sirius had cried more than once that dad doesnt love me! but it was all just fine, because he loved his son! he did, really! at least one of them, anyway.

by the time sirius was ten, orion was hoping his hogwarts letter would come early.

it was sirius' first big rebellion, and walburga had (after punishing sirius as she saw fit - orion didn't bother asking, the boy was more comfortable with his mother anyway) locked herself in her room for more than a week, but that was fine, he was used to it. no, the problem was that sirius also stayed in his room for a week, and orion was connecting dots.

from then to dropping sirius off at the train, orion withdrew himself. he noticed. he observed. he busied himself. sirius talked to him, and he didn't ignore him completely, he was still a good father (right?) so he played chess and taught potions and told him who to and not to talk to like he was supposed to.

(he hated the noise the mother and son caused. he hated them, too.)

he pretended to sympathize when walburga said she missed him already when they saw the bus go off.

when sirius came back for christmas, he steered clear for the first two days. walburga handled the punishments: sorting, his friendships, his misdemeanors. orion nodded along.

i am a good father. it's his fault for not being a good son.

regulus was so good, and for all the time the boys spent together, regulus never rubbed off on him.

oh god. what if sirius infects him, too? the only normal one there - what if sirius takes regulus in his madness?

so he separates regulus, too.

by then, he doesn't know what's going on with sirius. regulus told him, time to time, but orion's dislike of his son was becoming clear, so regulus steered clear of the sirius' name. sirius learnt to be away from his father's study. walburga yelled at him more for his negligence but he took it and continued his one sided resentment to his son. (was it one sided anymore? orion didn't know.)

summer vacation is spent in his study and in his bedroom. the two places sirius never was. he didn't know where sirius was, but he heard the occasional screaming and then he had the pleasure of not seeing sirius for a few days.

when, the next year, regulus has to go with sirius, he resents walburga for not saying she missed him already. but she had missed sirius. cursed mother, cursed child.

in third year, walburga signs sirius' hogsmeade permission slip. whatever. he didn't even know it had been signed till the following year, when regulus came to him and they had a few moments of small talk.

regulus mentioned sirius idolized andromeda. he couldn't imagine why, and he couldn't imagine why regulus told him.

by the summer before fourth year, sirius and orion didn't talk. orion scolded him for one thing or another ('posture!' , 'you're late' , 'you're friends with a pettrigrew?' , 'your hair is unkept'), he gave scoffed when sirius made a pronunciation error with his words (regulus wouldn't've. stupid boy, sirius didn't deserve the title of heir.), he punished sirius and then he went back to his study (*sanctuary).

walburga tells him sirius has been sneaking out to muggle london, he has indecent pictures spelled to his walls, he's changed, orion, he's different now. orion doesn't tell her that sirius had always been different, and never in a good way. (he doesn't tell her that she is the same.)

sirius didn't come back for christmas that year. he doesn't notice till walburga screamed at him. he was more focused on how walburga clung to his regulus closer that year.

by the summer before sirius' fifth year, sirius' fights were no longer contained for his mother. he yelled at anyone who would give him time of day.

bellatrix, portraits, kreacher, walurga of course, regulus even.

not his father.

if he saw his father, he would simply walk away.

sirius never walked away from anyone, but orion was grateful nonetheless. he'd hexed sirius a few times, naturally, but he didn't want it to become something regular.

(he was grateful for the days sirius spent holed up into his room.)

by the end of summer, sirius and him had barely exchanged a word that wasn't orion chastising him and sirius replying with a curt yes father.

(it felt like an insult. father. no, orion wasn't a father to that vile thing. sirius was his mother's son. orion had nothing to do with him. and he knew sirius didn't feel differently - he heard sirius refer to him by name when he conversed with regulus.)

when that year ended, and summer began, sirius didn't grant his father the gift of silence. he yelled at him too. every word orion spoke, sirius gave three in return, every hex orion performed sirius laughed at ('is that it? i've been done worse by kids my year.'). he hates him, now. he doesn't hate walburga as much, walburga stayed in her room more, she came out to scream for a few hours and went back.

he blocks that whole summer out. he hates yelling. he hates being yelled at. sirius was walburga, but worse. infinitely worse. he's so relieved when he wakes up to find sirius gone that he can barely hear walburga's shrieks, or bother trying to undo the careful expression regulus wears.

sirius visits him through walburga regardless. (how funny, at first it had been the other way around). sirius had never been one for letting go of things. he haunts orion's dreams and when he hears certain phrases he thinks of his fallen star.

tldr : orion is reminded of walburga (abuser?) when he looks at sirius and distances himself till he finds himself no longer seeing himself as a father for sirius

stuff i didn't mention : walburga uses regulus as sirius' replacement when he runs away and orion hates her for it even though he does the same , he does 100% despise sirius' muggle/gryfindor/blood traitors esque etc stand points, i just feel like that's a given though soo i didnt include it (sorry!!). he just lets walburga handle it, for the most part.

tysm for the ask @albi-bumblebee <3

[yiiiikesmish]

welcome back slow horses fandom. it's the season finale 😭😭😭 i don't even know what i'm going to do with my life after these 52 minutes (it's so short!!?? why will smith why??)

anyways for the last time this season spoilers below for s4 ep6. have fun reading my thoughts. hopefully there will be a lot of thirsting about river bc i love him.

SHOOT TO KILL ON RIVER??? EXCUSE ME??? tell him diana river is a baby he wouldn't kill anyone without good reason (or by accident but whatever)

thank god patrice didn't think to check for phone. and that river hasn't lost said phone.

damn that's a fancy ass restaurant. i'm scared.

HELLO DAD HELP I SCREAMED I WAS NOT PREPARED. I KNEW IT BUT AGALLAJDHLAGHSLEINZJWK

once again if you skip the title credits i don't trust you. it's a masterpiece.

on the credits bit i hope next season they put written by emmy winner will smith. they need to highlight that. my man won an emmy for his brilliant writing. they should be shouting it from the rooftops

this bitch didn't send my baby birthday cards after his 9th birthday but she had the audacity to tell louisa to remind my son i exist. bitch.

i want you locked up i'm so proud.

he might believe he's unappreciated but let's all remember lamb would absolutely secretly freak out if river disappeared for reals

i feel like i'm at a ted talk. that's my sassy baby right there i love him so much. he's so pretty i can't

ok i have agree with frank. maybe it's my hate grandpa david but he def keeps river around like a pet

this conversation is grand. look at river standing up for himself and being sassy and smart. i'm so proud.

i love toddy and his mistletoe chair.

istg marcus if you're about to go gambling i will murder you. walk into that bookie and see what happens i dare you.

go louisa. girlboss

that baldspot on the back of lambs head actually stresses me tf out. babe your hair is so greasy and ik greasy is you thing but you'll be bald at this rate

moira WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU STUPID STUPID WOMAN.

two train tickets to europe? start over? build a relationship? what are we in a romcom? hello???

fuck you, and stay away from my grandfather. i'm so proud of you my lovely baby boy

gotta give it to frank that murder plan is hot. slicing the femoral artery is hot. fave way for hypothetical murder.

babe you're not subtle WHY WOULD YOU WARN HIM THE DOGS ARE THERE

no SHUT UP MOIRA YOURE NOT HELPFUL

oh thank god roddy didn't get shot

well outside the restaurant is a disaster

oh did he get shot. and he's gonna be a baby about it lmao

please i can't stop laughing he's so dumb STOP STRUGGLING YOU STUPID FUCK YOU WONT BE ABLE TO GET THAT GRENADE OUT IF YOURE ACTING LIKE THIS. thank god for louisa

oh my fucking god moira stop fucking moving you're not helping

i love louisa and river's friendship. it's actually so important to me.

GO COE SLAY EMO BOY

is it bad i kind of hope patrice like... wins? he needs a win i hope he gets something

ow??? that was uncalled for frankly elevator stairs HURTS those poor civilians

RUN BABYGIRL RUN DEFEAT YOUR FATHER

NOOOOOO THEY KILLED PATRICE that's so sad omg HE DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING

oh wait he didn't die. yay!!!

genuinely why are two slow horses faster runners than a team of dogs. don't dogs like.. run for a living??? oh it was artistic decision got it

SLAY SHIRLEY SHOOT THE MEAN MAN

omg SHUT UP MOIRA

YES LAMB YES SHIRLEY SLAY what a bunch of icons (not u moira i don't like you)

OH SHIT HE KILLED MARCUS. oh no poor shirley

smart boy river i'm so proud. i dont know how to say this without it being incredibly weird but like i feel like a proud mother hen but also would fuck him so fucking fast

immediate ick don't call my baby son

don't fucking son me gagged i'm so attracted to you river cartwright

wait patrice is alive??? (i'm sad bc marcus is dead but like yay!! patrice is alive!! he's a baby!! look at him he wants to die that's a sign of sadness inside!!)

marcus and shirley were platonic soulmates you can't change my mind.

GO COE GO (actually love him for that. shirley would've spiraled if she shot him even if it was for marcus. coe knows what's up) (but also sad bc patrice lowkey slayed and kinda sad he's dead)

my son river GET MY MANS NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH LITERALLY SHUT UP YOU FUCK

kinda obsessed with franks accent ngl it's fun

wait what failsafe. i'm now very scared

OH FUCK THATS THE FAILSAFE?? HEAD OF SERVICE??? damn that's some failsafe.

lamb cares a shit tonne about his horses you can fucking fight me over that.

ok moira i don't like you but you slayed that convo starter with whelan. whelan i'm so disappointed in you i really thought i'd like you and boom your actually a dick with zero thoughts (i really thought you were secretly smart dammit)

oooh i like that jacket rivers wearing.

damn they finally forced david into assisted living. that sucks :/ but like also maybe river will be able to stop being so worried all the time. oh my poor baby river this is so hard on him too.

river loves his grandad so much i feel so bad for him.

i love river and lambs relationship. they hate each other but also respect each other and would definitely protect one another even if they complain the entire time and i love that for them.

NO THE SEASON IS OVER. WHAT HAPPENS TO FRANK THOUGH. WILL THEY LET THE LETTERS BE PUBLISHED OR COMPLY WITH FRANK. I NEED ANSWER oh next season preview slay

preview thoughts:

RODDY HAS A MANBUN?

WAS THAT RIVER AND LOUISA KISSING NOOOOO WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRIENDSHIP BESTIES at least louisa looks mildly terrified (istg river get your feelings straight)

omg river and coe are gonna be besties??? (how did this man get beaten up in the face and pink liquid all over himself while coe looks flawless and clean in that emo majestic type way of his??)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LIFE IS AWFUL SLOW HORSES IS OVER AND WHO KNOWS WHEN SEASON 5 COMES OUT

[shioritsumi]

Took me long enough to get to Bingge but he deserves his own post....

-Bingge knew the modern world would be different, but the technology is much easier for him to grasp than he'd thought and a lot of functions of daily life are simple or hardly changed at all. Society, however...it hasn't changed, exactly. Shen Tianyu talks about his divorce and Bingge has to get reminded inflicting random violence upon people isn't legal. "I'm disappointed too, man, but we both have to live with it."

-Bingge needs time to adjust to not being a demon lord and instead just being a tall muscular citizen. Blending into human society isn't something he has recent experience with, and he has to re-learn it.

-Shen Tianyu lives in a penthouse apartment, and Bingge still isn't certain if he likes having to take the elevator so often just to get in and out of the home. "Did you make your kid do this every day?" "Xiao-jiu isn't old enough for school yet, and this was my second home anyways-I stayed here when i couldn't go home since it's much closer to work. Now it's just....home, I guess. What else did you want?"

-Every time Tianyu talks about his marriage, Bingge gets sad. He managed to become demon lord of his realm, he knows what it's like to rule....but Tianyu talks about things as though despite everything he's had very little control over his own life. He loves his son but he didn't personally choose to have kids. He was "strongly encouraged" to go into business, rather than choosing it willingly. Bai Lianhua pursued him first, not the other way around. The more popular a person or competitive the market, the more easily Shen Tianyu could be compelled to join the race for it. Bai Lianhua effectively convinced him to court her by reminding him frequently lots of guys were after her but she was there with HIM.

Bingge is quick to realize this means Tianyu has done very little for himself in his own life. Which sets him about trying to seduce Tianyu in a strange complicated reasoning that he wants Tianyu to choose him of his own free will and not just because he's the all-powerful demon lord lusted over by countless women. How does one court a competitive man with crippling depression when you are the most desirable bachelor in a stallion novel?

(by the way, Tianyu likes Bingge bc he hears all his trauma and just laughs and goes 'mine is worse'. It's like his friendship with Shang Qingshui but better because Bingge knows when to stop.)

-Bingge ends up reading PIDW and is of the opinion the author has never had sex with a woman. Shang Qingshui can vouch for this, and Shen Tianyu thinks they should both think before they open their mouths.

-Bingge ends up finding all the Luo Binghe merchandise and doesn't know how to respond. "It belonged to my brother, but after he died....I dunno, it's a little like still having him around, since he cared about these things so much. My sister has the other half of his collection if you want to see it." Bingge is extra confused and he just inspects the merch because what even IS this. Some of the figures are fully sculpted in every way....EVERY way. His brother BOUGHT these? With his own money? "Well yeah, you were his favorite. I don't blame him."

-The more Bingge is told about Shen Yuan, the more confused he gets. His siblings describe him as smart, with a photographic memory, and decent looks "but he's definitely related to us". Bingge is absolutely concerned by this one. Hanjun seems to be the only sibling with his shit together properly, having started his own nutrition company and doing quite well. They're all possessed of a dark sense of humor, a sharp tongue, and a tendency to get hyperfixated on fictional characters. So what does this mean about the recently deceased Shen Yuan? "Oh come on, I bet you'd like him if you met him!" Bingge.....isn't sure of this.

-fun possible scenario popping up when Hanjun invites both Bingge and Tianyu to his wedding. Bingge swears he's not a maiden, but he definitely stresses out the most about being invited to a wedding for his boyfriend's family like they're a legit real couple and they NEED to make a good impression ("like we're a legit real couple? Bing-er, we ARE a real couple, stop stressing" "NO" ) they need to wear the right clothes, they need to bring the right gift do they need a sword because he has swords.

-Shen Jiuyuan and Bingge have to talk about it once the truth comes out to Bingge. For the longest time they aren't sure HOW to talk about it, and Jiuyuan doesn't want his new dad to know. They can't act like they don't have history, especially history as bad as it is. But this is a brand new life for Shen Jiu, and he has a father who loves and dotes on him endlessly, constantly apologizes when he's wrong and doesn't lecture him overly long when he's rude or violent. (Tianyu recalls being a difficult child himself, and currently figures the attitude and violent issues are just a result of being related to him-Shen Yuan was probably the only Shen son who didn't have a similar childhood and that was the result of having two older brothers.)

They may not necessarily like each other, but they love Tianyu, and he loves them. Over time they learn to tolerate each other and even share a few moments. Bingge is just mildly confused as to how going to a completely different world to find a new better shizun turned into karmic retribution for killing his own shizun. How did things work OUT like this?!?

-Bingge being prepared to hear about Tianyu's childhood full of soft comforts and spoiled luxury and instead he's told about a mostly ordinary upbringing because his family wanted to foster responsibility in their kids. (although they did always have good things and vacations and whatnot available) And Tianyu's stories of his childhood are most stories about being an absolute gremlin when he was a kid. "One time Hanjun had to fish me and A-Qing out of the river, alongside six other people because turns out that peg was important and i got grounded for two weeks." "I threw a snake at Qingshui's head once. We were ten, and in my defense he told my crush Mianmao i had 'snake eyes' so it was karma. He got bitten and i was suspended for a week." Tianyu just pointing to a super tall building and being like "I jumped off that when i was 15."

Turns out his new shizun was an unhinged child, and the only reason Shen Yuan wasn't is because Hanjun had already witnessed it previously and made sure Yuan didn't even have ACCESS to the most unhinged experiences Tianyu made for himself. Bingge silently wonders how he did indeed find someone to match his freak so perfectly, on ACCIDENT.

[holly-mckenzie]

Hey! What were your thoughts on S3 of Starstruck? It went in a very different direction than I was expecting and as a viewer I feel conflicted - I think it’s brilliantly written and reflective of reality and there’s a lot of beauty in what’s been explored this season, but emotionally I also feel a bit thrown.

hi clara!

Okay. So I have spent the last week thinking about it (I even explained to my counselor how I was a child of divorce now 😂)…. But I still fully haven’t grasped all of my thoughts so this may all sound a bit rambling. Spoilers Ahead!

First and foremost, in my most recent re-watch of Starstruck I kept on thinking about how Jessie loves Kate but… kinda brushes Kate’s friendship as not as important as a romantic one (e.g. - the speech she gives to Joe in S1E5). With this in mind, I do really love that most of the relationship tension and the overall love story of S3 is between Kate and Jessie. Their friendship is so precious to me and I adore it so much. So I do love the way that’s explored in the new season. Kate and Jessie are the real love story of Starstruck.

Other things I LOVED is Sarah and Steve’s relationship. They are honestly so funny, and I adore them so much! I also did like the evolution of Joe's character. Minnie Driver is always amazing as Cath, Shivani is so funny, and I loved Alice Snidden as Amelia (more on that later).

Now unto the important things. I kinda knew that S3 would go this route bc I felt like if it had followed traditional romcom tropes the next step would be marriage. Which I really couldn’t imagine Rose doing.

So when S3 was renewed I had a feeling that it would either go the marriage route, the we are never ever ever getting back together route, or something else completely.

But realistically it would be the breakup. I was hoping that the ending would be kinda unresolved where there was a chance that Jessie and Tom could get back together in the future. But Alas. However, this did not mean I was not in a complete in a state of panic leading up to S3 (if you follow me on Twitter, you know).

Honestly, imo if S3 was doing the we have different partners I FIRMLY believe that Jessie should have been with a woman, and Tom should have been with a woman of colour.

Me at Clem:

The new characters fell SO flat to me. Clem is nice enough and so agreeable, which I think is supposed to act as a foil to Jessie. This is obvs in the way that Clem wants marriage and kids. But I also feel like you see it in the way that Clem isn’t threatened by Jessie, which is a very stark contrast to the way Jessie reacts to Tom’s co-star in season 1, and the fight they have after.

And Liam is just there. No offense to Liam, but none of his scenes really felt like they could compare to the banter and chemistry between Jessie and Tom throughout the seasons. To quote the modern philosopher of our time:

So it was really hard to care about him and the relationships. Also something about his very existence reminded me of this interview Rose did during S1. Though that could be a nothing.

Overall I really didn’t care about these new relationships, bc watching Jessie and Tom in S1-2 is just so electric. The banter, the back and forth. The way they smile at each other, and make each other laugh.

But maybe that’s the whole point, that you could have electric chemistry with someone. But it could also all be meaningless bc that person is not the person for you.

As for Tom, I recently got asked if he was written as an asshole. But I don’t know how to answer that. Was he shit for cheating on his fiancé? Yes. But did I care that he cheated on her with Jessie, no.

I do feel like I’m not a huge fan of the way that Tom was written in this season. Throughout the show he is only shown in relation to Jessie or his work, with the exception of the Christmas episode. But I bc in the new series he isn’t with Jessie we REALLY see how his character is flat.

Now I do realise that it’s bc the show is about Jessie, but it still felt lacking. The fact that Tom doesn’t seem to have friends outside of Jessie’s circle is wild. The fact that he is getting married, and we don’t see his parents or brother is so 💀

Especially since Tom is a full Brown man (that is apparently somewhat religious). And somehow his family isn’t part of any of the wedding prep? That’s so wild and unbelievable (for me as a brown woman). I do realise Vinay is an asshole but I genuinely wish he had made an appearance in S3. It could have been so funny and it would have added some nuance to Tom's character. (We see Dan again, but not Vinay or the rest of Tom's fam? Come on!) I would love to see Vinay’s opinion on Jessie changed and his feelings toward the wedding, kiss, stag, etc.

I do understand Rose and the writers wanted to explore these ideas. And this is something she has clearly been thinking about since Baby Done. I also do think that in the latest series, we explore the anxieties through a queer lens by way of Amelia's speech. It strikes me as fascinating that Alice Snidden is openly bi, and her character is one of the only ones single.

Merryanna Salem, one of the most prolific film critiques of our time, articulated an idea about the queerness of Starstruck, and Queer Relativity in such a nuanced way. I highly recommend you read it. With this in mind, Amelia's speech, and Rose's feelings towards babies, its really not that surprising it ended the way it did.

But at the same time, it really seems like such a shift from the first two series in a way I simply don’t like (or understand). As I previously established Jessie and Tom are SO good together. Their chemistry is unreal, the show is just so bloody cute.

The show sets out to be a romcom, and that is what it does brilliantly in the first two series. Yet in S3, we really see a departure from that genre. It feels more a romantic drama, with comedic elements and I think its REALLY discombobulating. Specifically bc in most romcoms the couple gets together, and in dramas there is more grey area. Because I didn't read S1-2 as anything but a romcom, I didn't even entertain the idea of a break up. So to have it thrown in, in S3 seems so forced somehow.

Especially bc we have seen Tom and Jessie conquer the odds again and again. So to have the writers articulate they just aren't a good fit, and Jessie to say we want different things is strange. Maybe, I was watching Starstruck with blinders on, but it seemed in the previous seasons they were somewhat on the same page. Like even with this idea of Queer Relativity, Tom seems to understand it. He seems content to NOT get married to Jessie in S2 ending and what have you. So to suddenly be presented with a Tom who needs marriage and babies is discombobulating. Again, maybe I watched the show with blinders, but I did not catch the seeds of Tom and Jessie not being compatible, so S3, as you said threw me off.

And on some level I do think it’s kinda a redundant deconstruction of the romcom.

Join me next time where I dissect Starstruck through the lens of Race and Politics (or the lack there of).

[evergreen-dryad]

thoughts on snow flower and the secret fan by lisa see

I can relate to Lily. It has me thinking of the female relationships I've had (thought of my 2nd best friend and my cousin), while she is in the wrong with how she lashed out and betrayed Snow Flower's secrets, I still empathised with how she was so hurt and angry and proceeded to Pick Out Every Happy Memory

on laotong, the descriptions really encapsulate what it's like to be so bonded with your best female friend. Evokes memories and emotions I have

there's so much queer subtext. discuss. Accidentally queer? (Was this meant to be a gimmick to show how close they are with little boundaries?)

Lily: doesn't like sex at all with her husband, notably blushed while imagining Snow Flower's moans of pleasures in her laotong's bed 'But how do I say this without sounding like a husband' -thinks of SF's touch while husband is first touching her -her first priority is Snow Flower, gets tremendously jealous/betrayed of the thought of SF sharing an equivalent bond with other women (sworn sisterhood) -has only ever broken the rules for Snow Flower -SF: writes poetry to Lily about them being birds. I was pretty damn sure she was referring to Lily as the 'phoenix (together with her)' even in her sanzhaoshu poem when Lily got married. Just as Lily also wrote of her as a phoenix in hers.

also the iconic Li Bai poem they write on each other that every chinese kid learns as a kid made queer: Quiet Night Thought. They're each other's home.

-they also didn't have a choice in their laotong, but this was the one good thing they could have all their lives

ironic how Lily would end up being like her mother and her mother-in-law 'obey rules' -and how while she was like that wanting for Snow Flower's own good, it still hurt her because it was taken to an extreme, what should have been encouragement turned into excess criticism and blind solutions -but also sympathising that it's hard: when someone you love and want to support is constantly miserable, and you want to do what you can (and this you feel the other can) to fix the situation

for me it's a cautionary tale in a way. To love is to accept and to listen, instead of trying to fix all the time. "...but inside I also waged something like a man's battle between my true nature and the person I should have been."

What lured me in: historical setting, friendship between women specifically (wouldn't you love anyone who matched you in so many ways?)

Irony of the reveal later of reversed fate: the poor one marries rich, the rich has a downfall and marries poor)

writing techniques, what works for it:

accurate evocation of emotions

detailed description of foods, colours, along with lush historical setting. (The description of the caramelised taro!!! I WANT) Characterisation seems right to history, Lily might only seem close to a 'modern' woman thinking fate can be changed at the end because she has power as Lady Lu

pacing? Just right I think. Tone -solemn, serious.

plot and agency were a lot clearer with peony in love (same author, also loved this book a lot more), whereas this one only meant to show a relationship in its full (which makes sense as it is meant to be an autobiography in regret)

oohhh even though it starts at the end, how much later revealed still becomes a surprise! The little foreshadowing

characterisation: someone on goodreads said they flattened to 1D as they got older. Don't think that was the case, but that's somewhat apt for SF bcs her life was so miserable she became thus (and partly bcs they've both gotten busy so the perception of narrator too)

relationships between women all explored, and between parents and children. Heartwarming moment to see that fathers also loved their daughters. My heart hurt (pg 110 when MC left her home and family to be married, and they all sang as part of the wedding rites -"Thank you for raising a worthless daughter" "Goodbye, daughter") reminded by my family. The slight rebellions they could all take as women with nu shu, and how they could be there for each other. How the harsh life of a woman and its stages was shown in that era.

the tragedy at the end (how it started at the end and began with such a fascinatingly clear memory at 7 years old) of misunderstanding, how even if her life has almost been perfect, she misunderstood due to her upbringing.

It is about love. How the narrator and MC yearned for love all her life, and who couldn't sympathise? And in such a society harsh to women, tragedy was bound to occur. "What was the point of being Lady Lu if I didn't have love in my life?"

how helpless you can be in misfortune and stick to convention as a way to help

snow flower's character (both of them as kids having fun and learning from each other!). the ways love was shown between them and in their families.

[femmesandhoney]

How trustworthy are women with male bestfriends? I recently became friends with one but she wants the guy around everytime and it's becoming super annoying.

firstly, you just basically asked me "how trustworthy are women" the modifier doesn't really matter, do you like the woman, is she nice, is she someone you want to be friends with? what does her best friend matter in this equation for that particular point. you can just ask her to hang out without her best friend. one of my best friends growing up had a male best friend and the only time it was obnoxious in the way you might be seeing is she had a crush on him lmao. so i wouldn't necessarily dock her if that's the case, maybe just ask her if that's why she keeps wanting to always invite him to your hangouts, crushes can fade away. or if anything, if you're both really new to the other, she may just want her friend around for comfort reasons if she has anxiety or something? like i can think of those two main reasons she might want him around, but again i don't think it's a fair question to ask if she's trustworthy because of having a friend. not all women are like radfems in that we often prioritize our female friendships, many of our female friends might have male friends, and that's okay, that's not necessarily a flaw of the average woman even if as a radfem or rad-aligned woman you try to curate your life to your feminist values. i would argue you're still gonna get more out of befriending women with male friends than letting them fizzle out bc you'd be in a position to aid your friend no matter what. i don't care who my friends are friends with as long as they're not harming my friend in some way that needs to be addressed.

if we all stopped trying to be friends with women around us just because they happen to have male friends, well that would be a very difficult position to take lmao. like i do not go around berating my friend's boyfriend just because i think men as a class are harmful, that would push her away from me and would not actually benefit me or her for me to strain our friendship off of really nothing that is my business at the end of the day, especially as i've seen no reason to advise her. that's really my general outlook on discussing men with the women around me if they're not radfems: i look out for anything troubling, make sure they know i'm always a support for them, and make sure they're aware of ways to protect themselves in their relationships (romantic or platonic) with men. that's really what you should be doing for your friends in general anyways, but i think it bears reminding not all women are gonna be receptive to hardcore radfem talk and that's alright there's a million other ways to uphold your personal feminist values in your friendships and relationships with the women around you. female community and friendship will always be more important than anything else in my opinion.

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Should I be a mad person and ask you all the author questions?

I forget that "mad" means "wild or crazy" and I misread this as "Should I be mad?" anf i was like OH MY GOD WHAT DID I DO???? JJHDKJHDKJD

but to answer your question YES!! I answered all the ones I didn't get to already beneath the cut!

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

YES. I have an angsty like, Old Flame/It's Complicated bc It Was Friendship But Also Something More where one of them os very hurt and they become estranged and i have not started because i have BITS AND PIECES but not an actual... plot. I also feel like I kind of already did something similar with 'tis the damn season and don't want to bore everyone with the same shit lmao

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

(TW: SA) waaaaaaay back when, I tried writing a really angsty AU where one character gets sexually assaulted and it was honestly like. the second thing I ever wrote but the issue with that was that I was 15 and had no idea what I was talking about and while it's not particularly problematic, I feel kind of weird and icky about having written it especially being socialized as a woman like. Idk it makes me feel like a supid kid writing about shit they had no business having an entire story centered around, and it got really dark in some places and I feel like that's not and never was me, or what I want people to think about when they think of my stories. So it will stay and die on my ffnet page with the rest of the shit I aint too proud of

4) favorite character you’ve written

FINN!!!!!!! I love writing Finn and maybe it's because he and I share a braincell (or lack thereof) but I have always loved him and adore writing him in shit <3

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

I was so surprised to have fallen in love with writing Quinn, even though she is SO hard for me to get quite right most of the time. I love her your honor

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

online? enthusiastic!!!!

irl?.... WE DONT TALK ABOUT BRUNONONONOOOO

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Walks, leave the house (has been harder since anxiety spiked since quarantine), talk to people. I feel like I am very intrinsically motivated, BUT very extrinsically inspired. I definitely draw inspiration from the world around me

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

depends on my mood tbh! most of the time its in silence by myself, but sometimes I will put on instrumental/classical/lo-fi music to help me focus if i need it. I know i will be judged for this, but I STILL WRITE FIC ON MY PHONE SOMETIMES WHEN I GET THE OPPORTUNITY SO SOMETIMES I wRITE aROUND OTHER PEOPLE< STRANGERS EVEN (at least I don't use the notes app anymore ksjdfkjsd)

12) your weaknesses as an author

UGH. Setting, describing movement, LOGISTICS,timelines i HATE TIMELINES like no i dont know when any of this happens but like its gonna happen aight???

13) your strengths as an author

I think I'm pretty good at emotions, specifically downward spiral sjahkjdaks I love me a good breakdown. I also like to think I'm funnt sometimes and write dialogue alright

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

not all of them but most of the time yeah ksjdhfksjd I have one for "State of Grace” and one made by the lovely @honeysucklepink for “Sing To Me” (which I WILL finish eventually i promise, but it reminds me of a Turbulent Time In Life and has been hard to write recently due to things I never would have seen coming a year ago)

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

I don’t think so??? I have an OC child i killed in a zombie apocalypse once that i sort of feel guilty about oop

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

Read more than you write, don’t be afraid to ask for a second pair of eyes, and work collaboratively, i promise you’ll love it. Also fucking read through your shit before you post it bc “idk how to say they fucked intensely” will come back to haunt you more than the dead zombie child

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

Bullet points for sure and I’ve also found a love of Google Jamboard and Microsoft Journal!

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Depends on what sort of time/motivation I have, really. Long time/No Motivation: Short. No Time/Lots of Motivation: Also short burst. Motivation AND Time (very rare): I will not move from this spot for two hours (mostly short spurts tho)

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

“Not bad for a fourteen year old!”

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Age Gap and Student/Teacher relationships is a huge squick for me, so I’d probably never write it. D/s stuff I don’t understand enough about so I def wouldn’t feel comfortable writing it lmao

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

forgot about this one and tbh gave me Big Ouchies. From An Honest Man (spoilers ahead on the off chance anyone is reading it):

“Look, I know the situation doesn’t lean favorably in my direction, but we have never lied to each other.”

Christ, he can’t take this anymore. Kurt spins around ferociously.

“All we did was lie to each other!” he snaps, finally letting out a sob. He made it through the mediation, but seeing Blaine face to face is so much harder than he ever could have imagined.

Kurt watches Blaine’s confusion morph into pain as he continues. “I said I didn’t love you,” he points at his ex-husband. “And you said you did.”

Thank you for this ask Yue!!! Sorry it took so long for me to asnwer lmao BUT UR A REAL ONE <333

[watchmegetobsessed]

WILDEST FANTASIES (part 16)

⚫️A/N: THIS IS THE INFINITY WAR OF WF AND THE ENDGAME IS SO CLOSE!!! okay sorry i needed to make this reference lol but it is absolutely true! bc of a sudden idea i have decided to end the story this weekend so i sat down and started writing like crazy and here we are! meaning that part 17 which is the last part of the series as you know, will be posted ON SUNDAY!! and now... enjoy the second to last update of WF!

⚫️PAIRING: Professor!Harry X Reader

⚫️WORD COUNT: 7.3k

SERIES MASTERPOST | SUPPORT ME!

Harry has turned into a teenager again, jumping with excitement every time he gets a new text, huffing and puffing whenever it’s anyone else than you.

Keeping your word, just two days after meeting him you texted him with a few apartments that you thought would be fitting for him. Honestly, Harry would have let you suggest him to check out a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant if it meant he got to talk to you just a tad bit longer in texts.

It was a surprise for Harry when you offered to join him when he checks out some of the apartments, but he would have never rejected. He would be stupid to give up on time to spend with you, that’s all he wants.

Now it’s been three weeks since the two of you had the chat that was supposed to happen three years ago. Better late than never, right? Harry just finished work for the day and he is rushing back home to get ready to check out another apartment with you in an hour. Barging through the front door he finds Niall in the kitchen, on the phone, with a stack of paper laid out in front of him as he hums and nods along to whatever the other person is saying on the other end. Harry waves his way and just disappears in his room to freshen up and change. Seeing you regularly has definitely gotten him out of a bit of a ditch he let himself falling into, he keeps his beard in check, only lets it grow out to be a stubble, he definitely spends more time figuring out what to wear and he’s been even experimenting to take care of his hair other than washing it every few days. You’ve become such a breath-taking woman in the past years, always dressed nicely and taking good care of yourself, he can’t look like a hobo next to you.

It wouldn’t matter though, it’s not like he is dating you, the tiny, evil voice reminds him from time to time, but he makes sure to forget about that tiny detail.

He is standing in front of the mirror, buttoning up his shirt when Niall appears at his door, curiously eyeing his friend.

“I assume you’re not going on a date with an actual woman who you can actually date,” he comments pursing his lips and Harry’s gaze meets his in the mirror.

“We’re checking out another place. Don’t you want me to get out of here so you can have your home back?”

“First of all, I thought we were having fun rooming together!” he gasps dramatically. “Second, I’m happy you’re friends with her and don’t mope around anymore, but it looks like you want more than just friendship while she has a whole ass boyfriend.”

“Thank you for pointing out the obvious,” Harry rolls his eyes. “But I’m fine with just being friends.”

“And what, are you gonna just… be the flower boy at her wedding? The uncle to her future kids? That’s weird.”

“Yeah, and it’s not gonna happen,” Harry frowns, grabbing his phone from the charger. “But what do you want me to do? It’s all I have.”

“I thought you’d fight for her,” he shrugs, leaning against the doorframe.

“I will not get her into trouble. She is in a relationship, I’m here if she… wants to do… anything with me, but I won’t push her to do anything.”

“Yeah, but some flirting wouldn’t hurt.”

“What happened to becoming a better person?” Harry huffs, swinging his bag to his shoulder.

“It’s a long process,” Niall sighs. “But just so you know, I won’t judge you if you try to shoot your shot. Again.”

Harry stops and looks at his friend, thoughts racing in his head that have been bothering for a while now but he wasn’t sure if he should share it with anyone.

“I just… don’t know if she wants me that way anymore. I might be bolder if she just gave me a crumble, the tiniest hint that she still has some of the feelings she had for me.”

“I see,” Niall nods. “It’s a tough situation. But you look a lot better lately, so I’m happy for that.”

“I feel better,” he admits. “I really missed her.”

“Shocker,” Niall rolls his eyes. “Alright, I have a business dinner tonight, might even go out for a few drinks, don’t wait for me.”

“I never do,” Harry chuckles.

Not even an hour later Harry is in a two bedroom apartment in Greenwich with a reasonable rent and his own washing and drying machine which is considered a miracle. As the owner is talking about the building and utilities, Harry knows he should be paying attention, but he can’t take his eyes off of you.

Wandering around in the spacious and empty living room, you’re wearing a power suit today with a long black coat, your hair up in a loose bun, a red bag hanging from your shoulder as you inspect the room around you. It’s the second place you’re checking out and probably the best place so far, but when Harry realized that finding his new place might be the end of this little apartment hunt he’s been doing with you, he started finding all the things he didn’t like about the homes he has seen.

“What do you think?” Harry asks, taking a look at the fireplace as he joins you in the living room.

“Spacious, nice, big windows and a washer and dryer. That’s very rare,” you smile, walking over to the window to check the view. “Do you like it?”

“It’s… not bad,” he hums, yet to find something against the place.

“You can use the second bedroom as an office and a huge bookcase would look amazing in here for all your books,” you muse, already seeing the room furnished in his style. You’re too busy imagining what it could look like to notice that Harry is only looking at you.

“How do you know I still have my books?” he asks and you huff rolling your eyes.

“Please, you’d rather sell your soul than get rid of your books.”

You’re right. And you’re right because even despite the three years gap, you still know him better than anyone, probably.

The owner joins you and takes Harry to show him the closet spaces, so you’re left alone in the living room when your phone buzzes. It’s Derek, again, he is asking if you want Chinese for dinner, he is probably on his way home.

Any normal girlfriend would be happy to spend their evening with their boyfriend and some takeout. But as you think about the option to go home to Derek and spend more time with Harry, you have no doubt which one you want more.

Y/N: I’m meeting with a friend for dinner. Don’t wait up Xx

Harry and the owner return just as you send the text and shove your phone back into your bag.

“So what do you think?” the lady asks with a bright smile.

“It’s nice,” Harry nods, looking around again.

“Right? Perfect for a young couple like you two, darlings!” she beams.

Harry almost chokes on his own saliva at her words, but it doesn’t faze you, if anything, your chest warms up as you just break a smile.

“No, that’s—“ Harry speaks up, but you cut him off.

“Exactly! It would be so nice as our first home we share, right?” you act along, linking your arm with his while ignoring how the thought of being a couple with Harry again fills you with bliss and joy.

“Uh, y-yeah, I guess,” Harry clears his throat and it’s comical how his ears are turning red.

The lady smiles brightly, telling you about the nearby park and the market that’s such a blessing on Sundays, but Harry is still hung up on how you just went along with the couple thing. His chest aches, imagining a parallel universe where it’s the truth and the two of you are looking for your new home as a couple, but that’s not his reality, because he hurt you in the past and you’re dating someone else.

“So how did you like it?” you ask him, when the two of you are leaving.

“It was good.”

“Are you gonna rent it out?”

“I’ll have to think about it, but it’s a nice candidate,” he nods to himself.

“We still have a few on our list to check out,” you tell him with a soft smile. “Hey, do you want to grab dinner?” you ask, pushing your guilt to the back of your mind about missing out to be with Derek and choosing to spend time with Harry instead. You know it’s alarming, that you’re more interested in being with your ex than your current boyfriend, but it’s been such a confusing time and you’re still figuring it out.

Twenty minutes later you’re sitting in an Italian place sharing a huge pizza with Harry, drinking wine and having a blast. Maybe you’ve already had a few glasses too much of that wine, but you’re just enjoying the buzz and letting loose.

“Alright, so tell me about your ex,” you blurt out as you grab another slice.

“My ex? Why?” Harry chuckles.

“Because I’m nosy. You’ve seen who I’m dating, I wanna know what she was like too.”

You’re being casual, curiosity truly the reason why you brought it up, but it roots deeper than that and you know it. The thought of Harry being with another woman has been circling around in your mind since you found out about it, but you don’t know enough about her.

“I told you, we met at a—“

“A bar, I know, I know!” you roll your eyes. “But what was she like?”

“Um, she is usually very calm and considerate. Definitely more mature than me,” Harry chuckles, playing with the corn on his plate that fell off the pizza. “I was her second serious relationship, the first one lasted for six years, she’s been single for only a few months when we met.”

“And you both went into it looking for something serious?” you ask, desperate to know more.

“I mean… you know I don’t really do casual,” Harry smirks and you chuckle at his words. “It’s what worked for both of us, so I guess yeah.”

“So then what went wrong?”

Harry keeps quiet, he has no idea how to word it, because he can’t just tell you they broke up because Jo wasn’t you and he is still very much in love with you.

“I rushed things when I wasn’t certain about where I wanted to head,” he then speaks up. “I shouldn’t have led her on when I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what I wanted.”

“Who broke up with who?” you ask, making yourself busy with the food, but your stomach is one big knot, thinking about Harry having feelings for another woman.

“It was a mutual decision. Well, she brought it up, but we both felt that something already changed so we both agreed it’s best if we parted ways.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

Harry shrugs. “It’s fine, I wish her the best and obviously, I wasn’t that,” he chuckles bitterly.

“That’s… that’s almost what you told me,” you mutter, feeling overwhelmed.

“What?”

“Before you left you said you hope I’ll find the person that deserves me, because you were obviously not the one.”

Harry opens his mouth, but no word comes out. The way you still remember what he told you that day is like a knife in his chest, he never intended to hurt you this bad, to cause wounds that you still carry with yourself as scars.

Reaching for your wine you finish the glass before pushing out a smile.

“Alright, enough of the soppy shit,” you chuckle. “Want to hear about how Kostas and I almost got arrested the day after our graduation?”

After dinner there’s a silent agreement that neither of you wants to go home just yet. Somehow you end up in Madison Square Park and because the weather has been gradually getting warmer, there are quite a lot of people outside, there’s a street band playing covers everyone knows and several couples are dancing, having a great time. You don’t have to convince Harry to get closer and listen to some of the songs, the lively scene bringing you this special kind of warmth you’ve experienced a few times in the city before. All these different individuals living so close to each other, yet they barely know anything about the people around them, but there are moments when they are brought together for a little bit, their lives move parallel for that short period before they head their own separate ways again.

“God, I love this city,” you sigh, watching the dancing people, the happiness on their face and the vibe that lingers around them slowly pulling you in.

“It’s different.”

“But in a good way, right?” you smile at him.

“Definitely,” he chuckles.

“For the next song we want everyone to let loose, don’t be afraid to join in with singing or dancing!” The singer of the band announces over the microphone before the opening chords to Dancing Queen by ABBA starts playing and it clearly shakes everyone up.

“Oh my God! Come on, let’s dance!” you cheer and grabbing Harry’s hand you pull him closer to the band, into the little dancing crowd.

He doesn’t have the chance to protest, not that he wants to, he would follow you anywhere and as the two of you join the group of strangers, he feels like every bit of pain, hurt and misery vanishes from his body and mind and for just a few short minutes, he feels happy again.

He’s happy, because he sees you with that bright, real smile on your face as you start dancing to the music, your hand grabbing his and you make him move with you, which he gladly does. You sway around with silly dance moves, your arm linking around his neck and he pulls you into his embrace and it feels like he has a piece of the past back.

A piece of you back.

The song fades into another one and you slow down, panting slightly as you look up at him, realizing how close he is to you. You could kiss him so easily, his lips are welcoming and you’re dreading to feel them on your mouth again, the memory of his taste feels way too distant now and it frightens you.

You don’t want to lose him, you don’t want to forget him, he is etched into your heart and soul and you know he will always be the one you loved the most.

He is looking down at you with longing and lust and you’re on the verge of breaking, but there’s a barrier inside your head that keeps you from doing it. You can’t.

You can’t, because you need time to process his return into your life and also because you’re in a relationship with someone else.

“Um, I think we should head home.” You peel your arms off of him and step back, your cheeks feel hot and you’re way too confused to think straight.

Even after parting ways with Harry you take a walk in your apartment’s neighborhood, needing to air your head out or just simply not wanting to go back to your life that doesn’t have Harry in it the way you desire deep down.

When you finally build up the courage to go home it’s way past eleven. Derek is lying on the couch in his pajamas already and the moment you see him you feel an immense amount of guilt washing over you.

You kiss him shortly before locking yourself up in the bathroom and take the hottest shower human kind can bear, hoping the burning water would just melt this heavy feeling away. Nothing makes sense and your feelings for Harry are making you rip your hair out.

You once vowed to never forgive him for the hurt he had caused. But where is that anger now? You were convinced you’d never move on, but that was before you met him again. Now that Harry is back, you see everything in a different light.

When you emerge from your shower straight out of hell, Derek is lying in bed, one arm tucked under his head as he is watching a video on his phone, but when he sees you he locks and puts it aside quickly.

“Hey, how was your day?” he asks as you spread some hand crème over your dried out hands, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“It was fine, nothing extra,” you hum in reply.

“How was the place you checked out with your friend?”

Your muscles flex at the question. Derek doesn’t know about Harry. He doesn’t know who he is or that you’re meeting up with him so often lately. Somehow you couldn’t get yourself to tell him that your book is not just fiction that (almost) everything happened to you and the man who it is about is now back in your life and your old feelings are definitely resurfacing.

You feel terrible about it, but you have enough to worry about without having Derek up in your business. If he found out and questioned you about it, you have no idea what you’d say since you figured nothing out yourself. You’ll come clean to him once you know what you want.

“It was nice, I’m not sure it’s gonna be the one, but definitely one of the top picks,” you say as you get under the covers.

You sink into the mattress comfortably, lying on your side and you barely settle in a position when Derek’s body melts against yours, his hand wandering under your shirt as he kisses your shoulder.

“Missed you all day,” he murmurs, clearly indicating what he wants, but that’s not gonna happen. Not today.

“Derek…” you sigh, as his kisses move closer to your neck, his fingers gently stroking your stomach.

“I barely saw you all week, I miss my girl.”

“I missed you too, but I’m just so tired,” you mumble and push his hand away, stopping his actions. You turn around to face him and see the disappointment in his eyes, but he pulls back anyway.

“Are you sure that’s all?” he asks, cradling you in his arms instead, keeping himself to just cuddling.

“Yeah, of course. It’s just been… a crazy few weeks,” you clear your throat and cup his face in your hands.

You love him. You really do. Derek came into your life when you needed his support the most and for that you’ll always be thankful to him. And you were even in love with him once.

But not anymore.

“Alright. Come here,” he smiles at you softly as he pulls you to his chest. You let him hold you in his embrace and he slowly falls asleep while you lie in his arms wide awake, thinking about one thing.

Or more like one person.

Kostas is in the city!

You haven’t seen him in months since he didn’t follow you and Ramona to the city, making your friendship long distance but still unbreakable. But he is spending the next two weeks in the city at one of his cousins, you swear the man has family in every state and he’s got at least a dozen cousins sprinkled all around the world. But you’re not complaining, at least it’s now bringing him to your city and you get to see your favorite gay.

Friday afternoon you’re barely even focusing on your meeting as Kelly presents next month’s projects for the group. Your notes won’t be that big of a help later so you already know you’ll ask one of your colleagues to help you out. When the meeting is finally over you head back to your office to wrap everything up before leaving soon. As you’re in between answering emails and sending out reports, your phone buzzes on the desk.

It’s a message from Harry. To be exact, a picture. The photo captures him smiling with Niall in the background, holding a huge box filled with his things.

He decided to rent out the apartment the two of you toured recently and today he is officially leaving Niall’s nest and moves into his own home. If only you didn’t have to work, you would be there with them helping, but even though Kelly is the best boss to ever exist, you’ve already taken way too many days off because of your book.

Smiling giddily you text him back.

Y/N: How is moving day? Have you popped the champagne yet?

His reply comes just moments later.

HARRY: It’s a disaster! But everything is moved finally.

Y/N: Can’t wait to see it when everything is in place!

HARRY: I’ll have a housewarming party haha!

The past week you couldn’t meet Harry but you kept in touch, always texting and even having a few calls. And though you kept telling yourself it’s all just friendly, you knew you were trying to fool yourself.

You’ve been drowning in your ambivalent feelings about the situation you’re in. Your hurt from the past is still holding you back from letting yourself get closer to Harry the way you truly want, but you also know that there is a strong force pulling you towards him and away from Derek and the closer you are to Harry the happier you feel. You know you need to make your mind up, but it scares you so you’ve been procrastinating it as much as you could.

You hit send on your last email and your phone buzzes again, but this time it’s not Harry. Kostas has sent a photo to the group chat you have with him and Ramona. The name is still Roomies even after years of not living together.

KOSTAS: CAN YOU FEEL THE EARTH SHAKING??? The Greek God is in the city bitches!!

You let out a cackle as you lean back in your chair and cross your leg while typing your response.

Y/N: I knew something happened, the fire alarm went off in the building!

RAMONA: Astrid just started crying, knew it was you!

KOSTAS: Bitches… I missed you! Send me the location where we meet tonight, leave your boyfriends and husbands and children at home, the roomies are going out!!

When you finally make it home you make some food and then start to get ready. The tunes of your favorite songs fill the apartment and you’re dancing around in your bathrobe, doing your makeup and hair, picking your outfit out. Tonight you are letting loose not just because Kostas is here but because you need and deserve it.

You don’t hear it when the front door opens and Derek arrives. Hanging his jacket in the closet in the hallway he walks closer to the bedroom with a smile on his lips as he spots you swaying around, laying out different outfits onto the bed. An Adele song is playing and you sing along with it, your hair already styled and your skin looks so smooth and welcoming, he is enamored by the sight of you.

When you spot him finally, leaning against the doorframe you jump with a shriek, pausing the music on your phone.

“Shit, you scared me!” you breathe out, placing a hand to your chest.

“Sorry,” he chuckles. “You just looked cute dancing around.”

Normally, the compliment would melt you, but now… it does absolutely nothing to you. As Derek steps closer he kisses your cheek before loosening his tie around his neck.

“Where are you going?” he asks as you pick out a green dress and put the rest away.

“Kostas is in the city, I’m going out with him and Ram.”

“Oh, right, sorry it totally slipped my mind.”

“That’s alright,” you smile at him before getting dressed. You’re struggling to pull the zipper up on your back and Derek is quick to help you out, pressing a kiss to the back of your head once the zipper is up.

“You look pretty,” he squeezes your waist before stepping back. “Hey, your birthday is coming up, do you know what you want to do?”

“Um, probably just a dinner with friends, nothing extra,” you shrug your shoulders as you fix your lipstick and look for a coat that suits your outfit.

“Alright, that sounds nice,” he smiles, but the more you see his smile the guiltier you’re feeling, because in a sense you’re leading him on.

“I’m leaving. Don’t wait up,” you force a smile to your lips as well and lean in for a kiss, but you’re just going through the motions, there are no feelings in it.

“I’ll make you the hungover juice for the morning,” he chuckles.

“Thank you, see you later!” you call out and with that, you’re out the door.

“There he is!” you shriek when Kostas finally arrives. You and Ramona are already sipping on your first drink of the night when he walks in, definitely making an entrance.

“I missed you so much!” he moans, pulling you both into a group hug before you all settle at the table again and he orders a drink for himself. “You both look fine as fuck!”

“And you too!” Ramona giggles, brushing her hair over her shoulder. It’s obvious how excited she is to be out and about without Astrid. She is an amazing mother, but she definitely deserves some time without her mini me.

One drink follows the other and you’re talking as if you’re sitting on the floor of your living room you used to share, drinking cheap wine out of plastic cups. Only that you now have a great job as a statistician and have a published book, Ramona is married and has a daughter and Kostas is working at a start up in California that’s promised to be the next big thing.

“Look at us! We have this life thing all figured out!” Kostas raises his glass and you all just laugh, clinking your glasses together at his toast, even if it’s not entirely true. Life could be way worse. “Y/N, I need you to send me a signed copy of your book, I want to sell it on Ebay.”

“I didn’t sign the one I sent to you?”

“You didn’t and I’m hurt, so you better make up for it,” he huffs dramatically, but you all just laugh. “How was the signing anyway?”

Ramona’s eyes snap at you right away and you know exactly what or more like who she is thinking about. You haven’t had the chance to share Harry’s appearance with Kostas, it’s been such a hectic time lately.

“What’s going on? I smell something that I don’t know of, spill the tea!” Kostas demands, his eyes snapping back and forth between you and Ramona.

“Um… It’s a funny story, but… Harry showed up at the signing.”

Kostas’ jaw falls to the floor as he stares back at you and you already know he’ll give you shit for not telling him earlier, but right now he is more interested in knowing the details.

“What? How? Why? What did he say?!”

You give him a quick rundown of what happened before the signing and then when you met him to have the talk that’s been due for a long time. Kostas’ eyes are so wide, you’re afraid they will fall right into his drink as he listens to the story, taking everything in.

“Oh my God, this sounds like some Argentinian soap opera episode!” he claps his hands. “And do you guys talk now? Are you like… friends?”

“Yeah. We are definitely friends,” you nod. “I helped him find a new place so he could move out from Niall’s place.”

“And what does Derek think about this?”

Guilt washes over you instantly at his question. You’ve been avoiding to talk about this ever since Harry showed up in your life, because you still have no idea where you stand with the matter.

“Well, first of all, you don’t know this yet, but Derek is apparently planning to propose to me.”

“Oh my God, I swear to God, I move across the country and you leave me out of all the real shit!” He scoffs throwing his hands into the air. “Did he tell you he wants to propose?”

“She found the ring,” Ramona speaks up, playing with the straw in her drink.

“Yeah. I don’t know when he wants to do it.”

“And why do I have a feeling that you don’t even want him to do it at all?” Kostas purses his lips as he narrows his eyes at you.

You open your mouth, but no word comes out and your throat closes up as you feel all your bottle dup emotions threatening to spill at once. They both notice the change in you and maybe it’s the alcohol you’ve consumed or maybe it’s been just simply too much lately, but a teardrop rolls down your cheek as your lips start trembling.

“I feel so shitty. I fucking hate myself!” you blurt out and Ramona reaches for your hand right away.

“Oh no, don’t say that!” she coos squeezing your hand.

“But I’m such a mess and I’m gonna end up hurting someone!”

“Just tell us what’s going on! We are here to help you but it’s hard to when we don’t know what’s on your mind!” Kostas pleads.

Taking a few deep breaths you collect your thoughts and bear yourself to share your fears and feelings that’s been torturing you for the past few weeks.

“Derek has no idea about Harry. I never told him who he was because he doesn’t even know the book is not fiction.”

Kostas gasps while Ramona just chews on her bottom lip since she knew about that. She has worded her concerns about not telling Derek what the book is really about, but you didn’t listen to her.

“I was surprised he was so fine with publishing it, it’s hard not to be when he has no idea it’s about your ex!” Kostas huffs and it doesn’t help your guilt for sure.

“How the fuck should have I told him? Derek is so morally perfect, if I told him I dated my professor in college he would have flipped. The book wouldn’t have been the matter because he would have been out the door the moment I came clean to him!”

“You’re right, I bet he never stole anything ever in his life,” Ramona mumbles under her breath. Taking a deep breath you try to get back to where you were to share your fears with your friends.

“I’ve been spending time with Harry,” you admit. “He needed to find a place to move out of Niall’s and I told him Derek had a few connections in the real estate business, but it was just me looking up apartments for him just so I could talk to him.”

“Oh my God,” Kostas breathes out and you feel like you’re confessing all your sins.

“I know it was wrong, but I just… I missed him so much,” you admit and as the words roll off your tongue it feels like a rock has been lifted off your shoulders. Sharing it with someone eases the guilt you’ve been carrying around, though it’s only momentary. “I hated what he did but I also missed him so fucking much and now that I have him back in my life and I know what really went down…”

You can’t finish, but they both know what you were trying to say. Your feelings for Harry never really went away, even when you hated him, you still had love for him, you just kept it hidden deep inside you.

“My boyfriend is planning to propose to me while I’m secretly meeting up with my ex, how fucked is that?” you breathe out shaking your head as you grab your drink and chug down half of it, hoping the alcohol would numb the pain.

“Okay, wait. Let’s just break it down,” Kostas lays his hand out on top of the table and you know this voice, this is his therapist voice he uses when he is eager to help you get your shit together. “You’ve been feeling conflicted about Derek since Harry appeared?”

“No… not really. I found the ring before that and I panicked.”

“So you had doubts about Derek even before Harry?”

“I’m just… I don’t think I’m the right person for him. He’s been so good to me, but he deserves so much more than what I can give him.”

“I understand that, but it’s also not just your decision,” Ramona speaks up. “If Derek loves you and chooses you, you can’t decide for him.”

“I know, but I can’t ignore what I feel either!” you argue and she nods. It’s such an impossible situation.

“You need to separate your feelings, Y/N,” Kostas points it out. “It sounds confusing now, but I think your feelings for Derek don’t have much to do with Harry.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were doubting your relationship with him even before Harry appeared. Harry’s presence just made it worse obviously, but you had doubts already. The ring… if he asked you to marry him now, what would you say?”

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“What would have you said if he asked when you found the ring?” Ramona chimes in.

“I think I would have said no,” you admit with a sigh.

“So even without Harry in the equation, you wouldn’t have wanted to stay with Derek,” he explains and you try to stay focused and not let the panic take over your mind. “You have to keep them separated. Sort your feelings out about Derek and then do the same about Harry.”

And what if you separate them? How do you know what you feel is real and not just a momentary flame? What if it’s all because you can’t process that Harry is back in your life? You never thought it would ever happen, but now that it’s your reality, you don’t know how to deal with it. You don’t want to throw away everything you worked so hard for just to end up exactly where you were three years ago? Derek treats you right, he loves you and you’d have a great life with him, while all you see when you think of Harry is uncertainty.

“As if that’s so easy!” you huff.

“Nothing is easy, babe,” Kostas rolls his eyes. “Wait, no, there is one thing that’s easy.”

“What?” you and Ramona ask at the same time.

“Getting drunk, duh!”

And that’s exactly what you do.

Harry’s apartment is still like a warzone, empty and full boxes are littered across the floor in every room, he hasn’t had the chance to touch the ones that belong to the kitchen, only gotten himself one fork to eat the takeaway he had for dinner, but the rest will be left for tomorrow. It’s almost one am when he finally calls it a day and decides to just continue it in the morning. His bedroom looks the best probably, he’s got his sheets on already and he can’t wait to take a quick shower and sleep away this busy day.

He just emits from the fogged up bathroom and is roaming through one of his suitcases full of clothes to find at least a pair of clean boxers when his phone starts ringing on the nightstand. Holding the towel around his waist, water still dripping from his body he snatches the device and his stomach drops when he sees your name flashing on the screen.

“Y/N?” he answers the call. You don’t speak up right away, but he can hear all the noise around you, as if you were standing in front of a night club.

“Harry?” you finally breathe out, you sound so tired and most definitely drunk.

“Y/N, what’s going on? Are you alright?” A shiver runs down his spine at the thought of you being possibly hurt or in trouble.

“Y-Yeah, I just… ummm… c-can you…? Hm?”

You’re drunk. So drunk that you don’t make any sense and knowing that you’re out there in this state freaks him out.

“Y/N, where are you? Are you alone? Is Derek with you?” Even though he hates the thought of your boyfriend, he would rather have him with you than let you be alone.

“No, I’m in this… This is a nice… place. Do you want to come here?”

“I need the exact place, Y/N. I’ll go and get you, but I need to know where you are.” Harry holds his phone to his ear with his shoulder as he grabs whatever clothes he finds first in the suitcase while he tries to get you to talk coherently.

“Um it’s… it’s next to that barrr… with the yellow sign?” He hears shouting and a couple girls laughing in the background, but it’s still not enough information for him to find you.

“Y/N, listen to me. Are you outside of the place?”

“Yeah, I needed… I needed air.”

“Alright, do you see a security guard? A bouncer? Anyone?”

“There’s… Oh, there is this… big ass dude at the door,” you giggle and Harry tries his best to keep his cool.

“Alright, can you give him the phone for a second?”

“What?” you gasp. “I’m not… I’m not giving my phone to a… stranger!”

“That’s great, but I need someone who can tell me where you are.”

“Are you gonna come here?” you ask and he can see your pouty lips and puppy eyes as you say that.

“Yes, I’ll come and get you, baby. Just—“ “Baby?” you gasp again and Harry only now realizes what he called you.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

“Can you call me that again?” you ask out of breath and desperately and Harry’s heart melts in his chest.

“Baby, I need you to give the phone to the bouncer, so I can ask him where you are. Can you do that for me?”

“Mhm,” you hum.

You hand the phone over to the bouncer and Harry explains to him the situation. The guy gladly tells him the address and also promises to keep you there with him until he arrives before handing the phone back to you.

“Baby, stay there, I’ll be there as soon as possible, okay?”

“Okay,” you mumble and with that Harry is already running to get you.

By the time his cab pulls up to the night club it’s been twenty minutes since the phone call and it has started raining.

“Can you please wait for me?” he asks the driver and the old man just nods as Harry jumps out and frantically looks for you.

The bouncer spots him and figures he is there for you, so he waves at him and Harry runs up to him and he finally sees you standing behind him, leaning against the wall, your arms wrapped around your body, shivering and your eyes barely open.

“Hey, I’m here, Y/N. I’m here,” he pulls you into his arms right away and nods at the bouncer as a thank you for keeping you there and not letting you wander away.

“Harry? You really came?” you whimper.

“Of course. Come on, let’s go.”

He walks you to the cab and helps you in before telling the driver to take the two of you back to his place. You’re not soaked luckily, since the bouncer kept you under the roof at the entrance, but you’re definitely cold. Harry wraps his arms around you and you bury your face into his chest.

“Were you there alone?” he hums softly.

“Mmm… I was with Kostas and Ramona.”

“Okay, I’ll text them from your phone to let them know you’re safe, alright?”

You just nod with your eyes closed and let him fish your phone out of your coat’s pocket. He sees a bunch of texts and missed calls from your friends so he quickly shoots them a text in the group chat.

Y/N: Hey guys, it’s Harry, Y/N is with me. She called me and I just picked her up, she is alright.

He doesn’t want to invade your privacy so once the text is sent he locks the phone and slips it back into your pocket.

Arriving to his place it’s a bit of a struggle to get you up to his apartment since you’re already half asleep and you keep tumbling over your own feet, but you finally manage to get to his front door. You wrap your arms around his waist as he fumbles with the lock, not too familiar with it just yet since it’s his first official night here.

“Harry…” you sigh just as he opens the door and walks you in carefully.

“I’m right here.”

“Where are we?” you ask, looking around with a puzzled look as he closes the door and peels your coat off of you.

“It’s my new place, you don’t remember it? We checked it out together,” he smiles softly. You kick your heels off and take a few stumbled steps forward, taking in the chaos around you.

“Oh right! You just… moved,” you nod and Harry just chuckles.

He takes your hand gently and walks you into the bedroom, trying his best to avoid every box lying on the floor even with your disoriented state. He makes you sit on the edge of the bed and by that moment you’re almost fully asleep.

“Y/N, do you want to change into something else?” he asks, gently brushing your hair out of your face. You frown and shake your head. “Alright, let’s get you to bed.”

He helps you up onto the bed fully and pulls the covers over you, the moment your head hits the pillow your eyes are closed and you’re drifting off to sleep. He tucks you in and takes a moment to admire the sight of you, curled up in his bed. In a parallel universe this is where you belong. In his home, with him.

But it’s not that universe.

Breathing out shakily he is just about to take the couch for the night when you call after him.

“Harry?” Your voice is faint and fragile.

“Yeah? Do you need something?” he asks, turning back instantly.

“Where are you going?” Pushing yourself up you look at him through glassy eyes, but the confusion is obvious in them.

“I’m gonna sleep on the couch.”

“No. Come here, please!” you plead and move to one side of the bed to make him space.

He hesitates. Of course he wants to sleep next to you, feel your presence beside him, even hold you, but he knows damn well he shouldn’t be in the same bed as you when you’re dating someone else.

“Harry, please!” you breathe out and he breaks.

He takes his sweatshirt off and climbs to the bed, making sure to keep some distance from you, he wouldn’t want you to wake up in the morning and have regrets. The two of you settle on your sides facing each other and while your eyes are closed, Harry can’t take his gaze off of you.

“Thank you,” you mumble out of the blue.

“For what?”

“For… for…”

You hum and bury your face deeper into the pillow and when no word comes from you for several minutes, he knows you’ve fallen asleep. There’s no cuddling and no lines are crossed. You sleep next to each other and for a night, it seems like balance has been brought to the universe.

But it’s gone as soon as Harry opens his eyes in the morning, because you’re nowhere to be found and Harry knows it was a mistake to spend the night in that bed with you.

NEXT (FINAL) PART

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[eggofritts]

What is going on with Chalco and Ikora and where do I go to get more?

(also a bit at the end on how I find their relationship somewhat relatable to my own personal experience)

Fucking this.

And THIS.

AND THIS!!

I did not realize Chalco was a woman the first time I read Ikora’s lore…. What the fuck is going on with them???? I normally scoff at the term “queerplatonic” bc to me that is just obviously two queer people who are friends. The label feels overly unnecessary. BUT NOW. Whatever the FUCK Chalco and Ikora got going on feels like it kinda fits that label. I’ll accept it this once LMAO

I say that but truthfully, I honestly do not care to figure out or fight for a particular accurate label for their relationship. That's why I particularly like Ikora saying "I don't know what to call what we are, Chalco. It's just what we are." All I care about is that they just are themselves and that they are together in their truest form. Destiny isn’t like other media where they are short of queer rep (and it’s not shallow or hidden either) so I don't think they need to have a clear-cut label. Relationships are often unlabeled and messy because they encompass the human experience in this wide, wide world. I think Ikora and Chalco's relationship is like that. Later down the line, if they do end up becoming something more defined that's cool too! The journey has always been more important than the destination for me anyways lol

I have a gay best friend who told me one day that he wouldn’t treat his romantic relationships any differently from his close friendships. The intimacy is the exact same except one guy he has sex with and the other he doesn’t. I had always understood that intimacy/romance is not necessarily linked w/ sex but it was probably the first time I saw it internalized in someone close to me. I think the terms "platonic" and "romantic" can exist in the space of our friendship, but they feel inadequate as well. I personally use labels as simple shorthands for others to understand but I don't think they'll ever completely be the articulated summation of any important relationship I have. Reading about Chalco and Ikora’s relationship reminded me of my friendship with him. The importance and value in our relationships have always been in what we intrinsically and organically share and grow together and less in the words to describe it. IT'S ALL COMPASSIONATE VIBES HERE GUYS

[whoree321]

the bad batch + what romance/rom com movies they watch with you

each of the bad batch x gn!reader

ok first and foremost i really truly believe to the pits of my soul that every single one of these fuckos loves romances and you cannot under any circumstances change my mind

ALSO it’s a gender neutral reader except kinda in echo’s theres like a very brief quote regarding breasts but like i still think even that is pretty gender neutral tbh

so anyway

Hunter: Pretty Woman

this is not the first time that i have publicly declared that i think hunter has a deep rooted connection to the movie pretty woman and it will not be the last

first of all this movie is incredibly soothing to hunters overwhelming savior complex

second of all hunter is literally richard gere (debonaire but emotionally distant gentleman that learns to love) and julia roberts (hooker with a heart of gold) at the same time

he was a little skeptical the first time you put it on but he instantly fell in love with it

the humor, the sensuality, the class divide, the glamour, the unconventional cinderella story of it all. it just really butters his bread

after the first time, when you suggest watching a movie and you pick this one he’ll act very aloof about it (“whatever you want cyar’ika, it doesn’t matter to me”) but secretly he’s really really happy bc it’s one of his favorites (you def know this and def pick it more often)

he absolutely hates the scene when stucky the lawyer hits vivian. like it doesn’t matter how many times he watches it he will fully turn his head away from the screen and say “I don’t like this part” and when it’s over he nuzzles a little closer into you and very tenderly kisses your forehead

he loves the soundtrack too. like he fully exposes how much he likes the movie when you catch him singing or humming “pretty woman” or “it must have been love” absently to himself (you kept it to yourself for a while but eventually you just had to tease him about it. he just smiled a little sheepishly and admitted he liked the songs before promptly changing the subject)

hunter also lowkey definitely wants to recreate the ending where richard gere shows up to her apartment in the white limo with you bc he thinks it’s such a sweet gesture and he wants to treat you like royalty

Crosshair: 10 Things I Hate About You

if there’s one thing about crosshair it’s that he’s a sucker for the enemies to lovers genre

maybe its just him projecting (spoiler alert it most certainly is) but he really enjoys watching the drama conflama of a miserable bastard be tricked into love

and really that’s the true essence of 10 Things I Hate About You

he will grumble and bitch and moan about not wanting to watch a ‘chick flick’ when you put it on, but 15 minutes in and he’s hooked

he has strong negative opinions on literally every single character except for kat and patrick

(crosshair really really wants to think he’s patrick but when it comes down to it he is katarina stratford in every single possible way)

he doesn’t say a word throughout the entire movie but you can tell when he’s annoyed at like bianca or cameron or joey bc he will openly scoff at them

will absolutely hum along in your ear during the “can’t take my eyes off you” scene and make out with you during the paintball scene

(seriously he wants to be patrick verona so bad)

when it’s over and you ask him what he thought he’ll roll his eyes and say “i guess it could have been worse” but his little smirk let’s you know he enjoyed it a lot more than he’s willing to admit

Tech: 50 Shades of Grey

ok hear me out on this one

tech is a huge movie talker. like subtitles are a non-negotiable if you wanna be able to take in any of the movies dialogue bc tech is most likely gonna make commentary over it the whole time

this makes him absolutely indescribably so much fun to watch bad/corny movies with

he will go off about EVERYTHING. the plot, the dialogue, the acting, the costuming, the music, the production quality. nothing and no one is safe. whether you just enjoy letting him talk at you or you join in on the roast, cheesy movies are a hoot between you two

and honey. 50 shades is one of THE cheesiest movies ever

you and tech will literally spend the entire duration of the movie tearing it to shreds

and the thing is tech is a very sarcastic, funny guy when he wants to be (and when it comes to you he definitely wants to be) so by the end of it he will have you in absolute stitches from laughing at the ridiculousness of both the movie and him

with any of the other batchers watching a movie like this either turns into a shy, slightly awkward experience (wrecker, echo) or an incorrigibly horny experience (crosshair, hunter)

but in this context tech literally has no shame or squeamishness about sexual things (why should he it’s a natural biological process?) so to yall the sex stuff is just another thing to roast

literally christian grey could be fully tying dakota johnson down and flogging her and tech will be like “in the last 3 minutes they have panned up to her nipples 4 times. this is criminally shoddy cinematography”

even tho he’s busy giving a detailed play by play critique, he never fails to keep some sort of physical contact with you (wrapping an arm around you and running his hand up and down your skin, playing with your fingers or your hair) so you know he’s enjoying spending this time with you despite his nasty words about the movie

also 1000% after you watch it tech will do extensive research on the ins and outs of bdsm and will have lots of hypotheses he wants to test out (as long as you’re willing and able ofc) ;)))

Wrecker: 13 Going On 30

of all the bad batch members, wrecker is the only one who unabashedly loves any movie that could be considered a chick flick

like he doesn’t even try to hide it or act like he’s too masculine for it. he loves romance and he’s proud of it

this man will have full marathons with you. rom coms, regular roms, tragic roms, hallmark roms, you name it and he’s game

his absolute favorite tho is 13 Going On 30

i feel like he has a huge soft spot for childhood best friends to lovers stories like he finds that type of lifelong partnership so endearing (and he loves to live vicariously through jenna since that type of romance was obviously never an option for him)

wrecker is also very childlike at heart and i think the idea of a 13 year old sweetheart trapped inside the body of a 30 year old cut throat magazine exec is so amusing to him (and maybe makes him feel just a little bit represented in the media)

he is definitely the type to completely engulf you in a cuddle for the entirety of the movie and he DEFINITELY cries into your shoulder at matty’s wedding when jenna is crying on the stoop with her dream house

he wants to try razzles so bad. like so bad. i think if he ever came across them somewhere he would barter at least one of his brothers for them

wrecker really just loves love and watching movies about it just reminds him of how lucky he is to have his own love story with you <3

Echo: The Princess Bride

i feel like it’s glaringly obvious why echo loves this movie

pirates. sword fighting. decades long revenge plots. the value of an honorable, loyal man. true love that never wavers even in the face of devastating tragedy and the darkest of hardships. clever but goofy humor.

echo considers this an action/adventure movie and NOT a romance movie (even tho it 100% totally is a romance movie) and requests to watch it very frequently

he can quote the whole thing. i’m seriously telling you echo loves the princess bride with his whole chest

even tho he refuses to admit it’s a love story above all else, he really does try to model himself in your relationship after wesley

like especially given what happened at the citadel and all the time you thought he was dead, the cinematic parellels are alive and present in y’alls relationship and he strives to be even half the man to you that wesley is to buttercup

literally in your day to day life he will sometimes respond to your requests with a smooth “as you wish ;)” (it doesn’t matter how many times he does it it still gives you butterflies)

when you watch the movie, he snuggles as close to you as possible and does his best to make youre comfy the whole time (he’s insecure about his prosthetics hurting you no matter how much you reassure him they don’t)

he just loves to be able to feel your heartbeat and your laugh when you giggle at the funny bits

every single time without fail at the part when buttercup is about to stab herself he leans down, ghosts his lips against the shell of your ear, and whispers the line in time with wesley: “there’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. it would be a pity to damage yours”

every single time without fail you wind up making out until he pulls away and tells you to watch the next part when wesley challenges humperdinck to a duel to the pain

echo just loves you to bits and wants you to know he’d endure a thousand fire swamps for you

Omega: Clueless

i have this really specific obsession with omega being a total girly girl and having very traditionally feminine interests as she keeps experiencing the universe and being exposed to a spectrum of gender expression beyond clone (masc and boring) and kaminoan (ugly)

so with that headcanon of her in mind, it’s vital to me that she sees clueless as soon as possible

clueless is an essential piece of media for a girl entering adolescence and i will die on this hill

it has literally everything you want and everything you need to develop into a well-rounded young woman

it’s so deliciously 90s and glamorama and valley girl humor and camp. its got meaningful female friendships and valuable life lessons and paul mf rudd

if there’s one thing you should encourage a burgeoning hetero teen girl to do, it’s to stick to dating guys like paul rudd in clueless. the earlier this message can be broadcast the better

the second you’re able to steal omega away from hunters watchful eyes (“hunter we’re just gonna watch finding nemo i swear!”) you show her this movie

at this point omega is not really a girly girl, but omega also has absolutely zero feminine influence in her life

the first time she sees clueless she is absolutely obsessed. like seriously she is so enamoured with the glitz and glam of cher horowitz

she asks you questions the entire time. she wants to know about EVERYTHING. the makeup, the clothes, the hair, the slang

(she definitely goes around saying stuff like “i’m totally bugging” for long enough afterwards that almost all of the boys have slipped up at least once with some ridiculous valley girl slang. you thought you were gonna die of laughter when you overheard tech say “as if!” to wrecker in the middle of an argument)

it just really introduces her to this whole world of femininity that she didn’t even know existed and she absolutely loves it

she makes you watch clueless with her seriously once a week at minimum. she begs you to style her hair like tai’s and you can’t help yourself when you happen to run across a little yellow plaid dress and buy it for her on sight

(hunter was gonna scold you for recklessly spending credits until he saw how omega almost cried from how happy she was for the gift)

honestly she enjoys the romance of it all and paul rudd is def her first celebrity crush but she enjoys more that you and her now have this special thing of hair and nails and pretty dresses

she loves how confident and beautiful and special you’re able to make her feel, and you love that you get to bring her that small sense of normalcy and happiness

[heniareth]

I was really curious about what your opinions on the DAO companions are :) I know we have talked about some, but I'd love to hear more and about the others as well :D I hope it's ok to pose this as an ask :)

Sure! That sounds like a ton of fun. This might be a long one tho. Mind you, this is not the finished version of the answer. I'd like to link stuff and add a cut, but rn that's not possible. I'll update it when I can.

Edit: I have updated it ^^

Let's go alphabetically bc why not.

Alistair:

Sweet guy. So sweet. There was a moment when I was hard pressed chosing between him and Zevran (alas, Zevran won). Also, he's weirdly tall according to the wiki? How did I not notice that before?

Let's get a bit more serious now, Alistair is a great guy. The only reason he's not the hero of the story is because he doesn't want to. He has all the qualities of a leader: he's good at dealing with conflict (as evident with the conversation with the mage at the beginning. He gets where he wants to get without antagonizing the mage, but without allowing him to trample all over him). He's a solid tactitian and knows how to make allies (he suggests to use the Grey Warden treaties, after all). I bet if he was in the leadership position, he'd even not bicker with Morrigan. His moral code is pretty tight; some might say too tight, but I think it's less about the moral code and more about learning to judge people by their actions, not by the labels they fit into (Morrigan is a proud apostate and therefore bad. Wynne is a humble circle mage and therefore good). He also has a bit of a black-and-white way of seeing the world. I empathize a lot with Alistair, especially with his experience with the Chantry and his subsequent reluctance to deal with it. I really wish I had gotten to know more about concrete experiences he had during his training as templar, but he seems reluctant to talk about it (gee, I wonder why).

Since I've only played the game once, I haven't really picked up on Arl Eamon's abuse towards him, which apparently exists (Isolde, however... I mean, even if he were Eamon's illegitimate son, he's a kid, ma'am, he didn't exactly get to chose his parents. So that's so not okay). Alistair's way of speaking about them both, however, is either sign that he has not come within a hundred miles of acknowledging how much it hurt him, or that he's already gone through the whole process and has decided to forgive them. The latter shows a very strong character; yes, he relies on the approval and leadership of others, he has his issues, but he's already started working on them.

That being said, irl Alistair would be like a little brother to me. I'd tease him relentlessly (all in good fun and I promise to stop if it makes him uncomfortable, but he's just so teasable). I still wish the videogame gave him the chance to take important decisions for himself. But that, of course, would somewhat defeat the point of the game.

Leliana:

Another sweet, sweet person. Her singing voice is amazing. Her belief in the Maker inspires me (I'm a religious person and seeing religious characters represented in a positive light is Very Cool. It's also sometimes a source of discomfort, because the Church has done a lot of very messed up stuff and positive representation can sometimes veer into apologetics for things that should not be excused, but that's a whole other can of worms. The bottom line is that religious characters sometimes work for me and other times don't and Leliana works for me very much bc she's an outsider inside the Chantry).

Leliana is best friend material, tbh. I'd love to get to know her irl, discuss theology and philosophy and maybe even politics? She makes mistakes and has prejudices, but, tbh, so do I. And I do get the feeling that she tries her best to learn. From the times she intervenes in a conversation between the Warden and an NPC, she shows herself to be compassionate and open to the needs of others. What I get from her character is that she genuinely wants to help, which is something that I adore of her. I suspect that she sometimes has a hard time deciding wether she's a good person or not. She has killed and seduced and worked for a morally dubious person, and she doesn't show the same nonchalance about it as Zevran (though they both do discuss their line of work in very... professional terms). This is, however, more of a headcanon than actual factual canon.

I also very much enjoy her girly side, like her interest in shoes and dresses. She's one badass woman who also looses her cool about the latest fashions in Val Royeaux. I like that. Between her and Alistair, a non human noble Warden has as good a help to navigate the Fereldan court as they're going to get. Leliana is also, I can't forget that, clever and insightful. It'd be easy to write her off as the innocent chantry girl, but she's so much more than that. Her kindness is paired with foresight, I think. She knows that taking on the trouble to help now can go a long way in the future. I just have a lot of respect for her.

Loghain:

This one's gonna be short bc I didn't recruit him. He's an amazing villain and would probably be a great Warden as well. He reminds me of Denerhor from LOTR; once a hero/stewart of his people, ambition and desperation have driven them both down a terrible path. I have also only little idea about his past. People say he lost a lot, and I believe it wholeheartedly; it doesn't excuse the fact that he plunged the country into a civil war in the middle of a Blight. I don't have a lot of sympathy for short-sighted politicians. I wish he hadn't made himself regent. That's what I take away from his character.

Edit: One thing I forgot to mention that really impressed me was his death. I had Alistair duel him (that was a rough duel), and then it kinda just jumped to a cutscene of my Warden nodding and Alistair executing him. That didn't sit well with me. I didn't want to kill Loghain, and less so in front of Anora. But what impressed me was that Loghain just accepted it. That takes a whole lot of guts. Compare that to Howe's death, and how he screams out that he deserved (more, probably, or anything but death) and it's crystal clear who the more noble of the two is. Loghain strikes me as very lawful neutral, and any neutral alignment has the particularity that it can be dragged towards good or bad, sometimes without the characters noticing it (which is interesting from a DnD perspective; neutral is often concieved of as just as stable as good or evil, but that may not be true. But that's a different post). Anyway, Loghain's death was impactful.

Morrigan:

I could kick myself for not maxing out her approval in the first play-through. I got to enjoy a bit of her friendship by the end of it and boy was even that little bit worth it. Friendship with Morrigan is something that is hard-won. It's all the more precious because of that.

Morrigan is full of paradoxes, I think. She's incredibly wise in some ways, yet also very short-sighted (”just kill them, don't solve their problems”. Morrigan, dear, I'm not going to gain a lot of allies if I kill everybody who poses a problem to me). She is so intelligent, but emotionally... not so. She knows so much about some things, and very little about the next. She's incredibly wilful and knows what she wants, but follows Flemeth's orders all the time through. She hungers for power and independence, yet craves closeness, but won't allow herself to have it. She asks you to prove yourself to her and is extremely critical of your actions, I think, because she's afraid. She bites the hand that feeds her because it might hit her next.

Like with Eamon, I haven't managed to catch the undercurrent of abuse that seems to permeate Flemeth's relationship with Morrigan. Except there are signs, because there must be something Morrigan is scared of and who has instilled all that rage in her, and that's Flemeth. Also, she clearly hates/does not care about her and wants her dead (unless killing Flemeth was part of Flemeth's plan as well? Hm.)

Morrigan is that one person who you are nice to, continuously, because nobody else is. And suddenly she becomes less cold. And then friendly. And suddenly you're asking yourself why everybody hates her, because she's a really good friend! I just wish the other companions came to a similar conclusion, especially Alistair and Wynne.

Oghren:

They did this man dirty. He has such great lines and I'm convinced he was a great person before Branka disappeared. He has that dwarven warrior spirit, and while he looks like Gimli, some of his most impactful lines remind me of Dwalin or even Thorin Oakenshield himself. He could be so noble had he gotten some character development, damnit!

Oghren as he is written is somewhat disgusting. I hate the lechering comments and the drunkenness. And still, I don't hate him because of those amazing lines he has when he's actually sober. It's frustrating and I'll give him that character development myself if the game won't. I strongly associate the song Whiskey Lullaby with him, bc that's how he would have ended up if the Warden hadn't taken him along (warning: the song talks about suicide and alcoholism). Like I said, they could have done such cool things with his character. As he is written now... it's just sad. Moments of lucidity drowned in alcohol and creepy jokes. As you can see, I don't blame the character for either. The alcoholism happens all too often irl. The creepy jokes... I put that one on the writers' tab.

I actually think Oghren could have been a great mentor figure (I know, I shock myself as well sometimes). Next to the Grey Wardens, the ones who know most about fighting darkspawn are the dwarves because they have to deal with them constantly. Especially a warrior caste dwarf like Oghren could have brought a lot of that invaluable knowledge to the team, especially since there are no Grey Wardens in Ferelden but two extremely green recruits. Next, you get the chance to give Oghren the command of the teammates you leave behind in the battle of Denerim with the reason that he has lead men into battle before. Where did that suddenly come from? Oghren should have been right up there telling my Warden that they were doing this wrong, that they needed more food (and booze) and a confident leader to keep the armies they've called together going. Oghren should have been able to tell my civilian city elf who got recruited into the Grey Wardens a six months ago how one leads an army. How one presents oneself to inspire confidence, how one doesn't crack under the pressure, how one gets the leaders of said armies (some who hate each others guts i.e. Dalish elves and humans) to work together. And, last but not least, Oghren could have had a great story about grief. This is a man who has lost most of what made him (and what he hasn't lost he's spilling down the drain with every mug of ale). This is a man who, if you take him into the Deep Roads, has to see what his wife did to his family, how his wife got absolutely obsessed, and can be forced to kill said wife or watch her die. All Wardens loose their home and families at the start of the story. It would really have rounded the whole narrative out if the Warden and Oghren could have recognised their grief in each other and hashed it out somehow. Such as it is, Oghren is a depressed drunkard and there is nothing we can do about that. I find that frustrating.

Rascal (a.k.a. Dog):

Best boy. 100/10. I wish we had gotten to see the reaction of the different origins to the mabari (because elves probably have a whole different experience with them from mages or humans. And dwarves just... I think they straight up have none? XD). Other than that, no complaints. The name Rascal was the one I gave my dog because you have to be a right rascal to survive what he did and play the pranks he plays. Smartest breed in the world indeed.

Shale:

Shale is one of those characters that I recruited rather late in the game, so I haven't had the chance to explore their personality and worldview, really. I didn't even get to take them to the Deep Roads (this will be ammended in playthrough nr. 2). As such, I don't have particularly strong opinions on them (or her? The wiki refers to Shale as 'it', but that sounds weird). But, because I know so little about Shale, I have a lot of questions. First, what were they like before they were a golem? Shayle, as she was called then, was the best warrior of her time if I remember correctly. Why did she become a golem? Was it to be able to eternally protect her people? Was the sarcasm the golem Shale exhibits also part of the dwarven warrior Shayle or did that come later (if for thirty years you have nobody to talk to but yourself, you better be entertaining. And I can imagine how it could make somebody terribly jaded as well).

Next, how attached is Shale to their golem form, exactly? According to the banter, they infinitely prefer it to a squishy fleshy form. If that is the case, however, why go to Tevinter to try and become a squishy dwarf again? It's not like that process could be reversed if they wanted to become a golem again; if Shale survives to the end of the game, the Anvil of the Void is destroyed and Caridin is dead. Was the whole spiel about their indestructible form a façade? It might have been, but not because Shale actually disliked their form. I think it would have more to do with the loss of their memories and with the very invasive experiments and alterations of Shale's body made by the mage Wilhelm. The loss of memories means that Shale is unable to remember life as a fleshy creature. They might be deflecting by pretending that they didn't care for that experience anyway because of the superiority of their golem form. The modifications made to their form by Wilhelm would have alienated them from their body. In light of this, it's significant that Shale asks the Warden to decorate their form with crystals.

All of this is, of course, pure speculation. I may have easily missed or forgotten details that would disprove the above thoughts. All in all, I like Shale and I hope we meet them again in DA4 (given that it's mostly set in Tevinter). It's a liking from a respectful distance, because Shale is tall and made out of rock and also way more experienced than I will ever be (they are literally the oldest member of the Warden's little Blight fighting squad).

Sten:

Sten is another person I'd keep a respectful distance from physically. That seems to be the what he would prefer, at least. I've enjoyed his character a lot, especially because he seems pretty clear-cut at first, but slowly lets the nuance of his person show (gruff and stoic, but then he has an eye for art, a sweet tooth and he likes cute animals). It's also very interesting that there's no moment when you learn "the truth" about him the way you do with Zevran or Leliana. There's no big reveal about his life under the Qun before coming to Ferelden. He says he was sent to monitor the Blight, but honestly? If neither Ferelden nor Orlais knew there was a Blight, how could the Qunari know? I think he's lying, and he takes his secrets back with him when he leaves Ferelden. And yet I think I know him enough to say that a Warden who has become friends with him has nothing to fear from Sten.

One thing I find very interesting about Sten is how he thinks. His conversation about how women can't be soldiers has been analysed a lot on this page I think. He seems to be arguing based on a different paradigma than the one the Warden has. He also seems to have a very clear-cut view of the world. What is fascinating to me is that, when arguing with the Warden and learning about their culture, he is not necessarily becoming more lax about his worldview. I think it's more likely that he is expanding his paradigma, the structure of thought through which he understands the world. I don't think that he is now convinced that women can be warriors as well. I think he rather understands that, in Ferelden, the relationship between occupation and gender is different than under the Qun. Which of the two he thinks is more right or more agreeable, I have no idea. I'm also not very interested in that. But I find it fascinating how he always seems to be looking on quietly, gathering data, classifying it and trying to fit it into his understanding of how the world works. I wouldn't be surprised at all if his original party was a scouting party to see how vulnerable Ferelden was at that moment to outside forces. One thing I don't understand with all of this is why he urges the Warden to meet the Blight head on. No smart soldier would suggest that, except if they are foolishly proud (and Sten doesn't seem like that kind of guy tbh). I get that the Warden takes way longer to gather allies than expected because they first have to solve all of their allies' problems. But surely Sten sees the need to have allies? Is he just that impatient? Does he have a death wish (à la, I lost my sword and am without honour, better to die sooner than later and in glorious battle)? Was he his group's previous commander and is he now having trouble following somebody else's orders? Or maybe it's his way to make sure the Warden knows what they are doing? To push them into becoming the self-assured commander their allies will need once they're all gathered? I really don't know. I like the last option best, however.

For me, Sten is my fellow, more experienced soldier. Like Alistair, he can potentially be the Warden's brother in arms, but he's definitely the older brother here. He probably doesn't take kindly to tearful confessions of how hard everything is, but I feel like he's otherwise a solid rock to lean on. I feel like the Warden can trust him to do what is necessary and count on him no matter what, especially after they get his sword back. His devotion from that point on is honestly so powerful.

Wynne:

Wynne was such a support for my Warden (except with the whole conversation about love vs. duty and that she may have to choose between Zevran and ending the Blight and that she should therefore break up with him. Wynne had a point. Astala was so not willing to sacrifice her relationship with Zevran. But the whole conversation came at a point where she was already so disillusioned that she blew up in Wynne's face (”can i please just have one (1) nice thing????”)). But all in all, Wynne is great.

She has a lot of flaws. She was very marked by her life in the Cricle and, for all her age, she has little experience living outside of it. She is also a conformist despite her strong moral core. In a way, her ability to find peace with her lot in life impresses me deeply because it speaks to a lot of strength of character. Sadly, however, strength can be ill applied and used to suppress. I think she has convinced herself that the Chantry is right under (almost) all circumstances to be able to rationalize the life that mages live. She's had her son taken away from her as a baby and an apprentice killed. Her reaction seems to have been to convince herself that this was right, or for the greater good (and now I'm thinking about the Guardian's question at the temple of Andraste's Ashes; are you wise or do you just repeat what others have told you? The answer is not as clear-cut as it might be). This is why she is so irritated by Zevran and Morrigan. By aligning herself with the Chantry, she is, in her eyes, good. Zevran and Morrigan are not; they do not conform to Chantry morality and they defend themselves tooth and nails against somebody who would try and convert them. This is something Wynne never allowed herself to do; she always did the "right" thing and it has cost her so much. I'm not saying she was right (it would probably have done her some good to rebel from time to time, and to trust her own gut instinct more), but in light of this, it hardly surprises me that she's so judgamental. She has to be, or she would be forced to confront all the evil she has not fought against all those years and all the hurt that has been caused to her by the very institution she protects (and thank God she only tries to argue and can appreciate it when people have found a good life outside of her comfort zone. If she tried to convince by force or, for example, drag her former apprentice back to the Circle... boy oh boy that would get ugly). If you think about it, Wynne really is a good example for what happens if you live by a philosophy of always choosing the lesser evil.

Something that I keep forgetting over her grandmotherly and dignified character is how damn powerful she is. She has escaped the carnage at Ostagar; HOW!? She protected those mage apprentices in the Circle tower for God knows how long. In the battle of Denerim, she wades through an army and comes out alive on the other side. The wiki lists her age at 40, I think, but that doesn't make a lick of sense unless 75 years of age are the Fereldan equivalent to 100. This lady, about whom people make grandmother jokes, did all that. It's impressive.

Zevran:

You know, I would really love to know what Wynne thinks about the events at Kirkwall in DA2. It might be a disaster for her, or it might pave the way for one last bit of character development. She certainly didn't want to return to the Circle after fighting the Blight. That may be an indicator of some change in her stance on the Circle of Magi.

Edit: I forgot that she is what the Circle considers a literal abomination! Holy cow, how could I forget that?? Anyway, her conversation about what being an abomination means is so... heartbreaking, actually. It's so tentative. So careful. "Am I an abomination? Am I the same thing that has killed my students? The same thing as Uldred? Am I lost and damned? Did I invite this spirit in? Is this my fault?" Like wow, Wynne is going through something huge right there. I love it. I have to continue playing the game to see what it ends up as, but it's fascinating and such a huge thing that she allows the Warden in on that.

Ah, Zevran, my beloved (he has stolen my heart so much it's not even funny anymore). He's funny, he's charming, he's so so loyal and it breaks my heart. Zevran is the one about whom I've read most meta: these three wonderful posts for instance, as well as this one about his possible lack of scars, and this one about his lack of freedom. All of these have influenced my opinion of him and they are great reads.

I have talked about Zevran with you before, so I'll just skip to the new stuff. I have come to conclusion that Zevran is an artist at heart. This is totally not biased by the fact that I also do art, but hear me out. One of his preferred gifts are bars of silver and gold. While those have the obvious utility of basically functioning as money (they can be sold to any silversmith or goldsmith and their value is pretty stable through time and in different countries), there's also this from his codex: "Zevran shows an affinity for the finer things in life—hardly surprising for an Antivan Crow—but his appreciation can be more poetic than he lets on. A simple bar of refined silver or gold, uncomplicated by a craftsman's hammer, is elegantly valuable." Tell me that is not an artist's eye that sees that gold and sees the beauty in it. Then, there's also the meta about Zevran the Seducer which I linked above and link here again. It talks specifically about how he lets himself enjoy the target and be seen in his enjoyment. Tell me that is not an artist's eye that beholds the beauty of something he is set out to destroy. Even his talk about his assassinations show this. He talks about it as an art, the way somebody would talk about the brutal intervention in stone that produces a sculpture. Yes, it's a rationalization of the act of killing and yes killing is still wrong. But he doesn't go on about it on a moral tangent the way Alistair or Wynne would (”this person was bad, killing them was necessary”) or even through the argument of survival like Morrigan would (”it was either them or me and it sure as Hell wasn't going to be me”). He talks about the pleasure of a job well done, of the satisfaction of striking the precise point and executing a plan to the perfection so as to minimize chances of discovery and to make a clean death possible. And pleasure in seeing and in doing, this I firmly believe, is absolutely fundamental for an artist.

My favourite part about my Warden and Zevran as a pairing is that Zevran precisely brings out that ability to take your pleasures as they come and to really savour them. Fighting the Blight is tough; it's so important to find good things amidst the chaos to stay sane. If Astala saves Zevran from himself by offering him a place to stay and a purpose, Zevran saves Astala from herself by keeping her from running herself into the ground trying to save the world.

There are some things I don't like about Zev. The incessant flirting, for example, sometimes makes me uncomfortable (it becomes enjoyable for me once the Warden and him are in a relationship, but before that? Nah, no thanks). I wish he would also leave the other female characters alone (and there's so many more shameless comments of his aimed at Morrigan, Leliana or Wynne than at Alistair or maybe even Sten).

---

And that's my take on the Origins companions (this was rather long. Whew ^^' I hope it was still readable and that you enjoyed it!!) Thank you so much for the ask!! It's been a joy thinking about this. I was worrying at first that the less prominent companions like Sten or Shale wouldn't get as much content but... well XD

[4stars-uswnt]

You Take My Heart Away [Kelley O’Hara x Reader]

requested by anon: Kelley O’Hara x reader where reader gets into a fist fight but she’s like I won’t throw the first punch bc I’ll finish it and like she gets teased by the team but Kelley is mad at reader for it bc R could’ve gotten hurt but it was still cool

requested by anon: Can we get another Kelley O’Hara x reader doesn’t have to be anything specific just maybe along the lines of them both being crazy and maybe oblivious

A/N: i decided to combine these two prompts! hope y’all enjoy it. also bonus points to anybody who gets the title reference (there’s a lil connection to a reference within the story)

warnings: homophobic and sexist language, violence, and swearing

Conversation was flowing and music was playing in the background of the bar, as the USWNT finished up their first round of drinks and appetizers. The team had pushed together a couple of tables, where you all were now sitting, laughing at each other’s jokes.

The air was light, victory and celebration filling the atmosphere. Megan and Ashlyn had been the ones to suggest a night out after your win against Japan, not only to celebrate the 2-0 victory but also to celebrate Lindsey’s birthday that was in the next couple of days.

You were currently sitting next to your best friend, Kelley O’Hara, bridging the gap between the veterans and the youngsters.

“Anybody want another drink?” Alex asks, pushing her chair back, as she moves to get up.

A chorus of yeses ring out, the team’s orders ringing out.

“I’ll help you with that, Al.” You stand up from your seat, giving the other woman a warm smile.

Once the two of you had left for the bar, the rest of the team began interrogating Kelley, who let her eyes follow you as you moved through the crowd.

“Kel,” Ash calls out over the noise of the music. “When are you gonna admit to (Y/N) that you’re hopelessly in love with her?”

“What?” Kelley sputters, flustered.

Megan rolls her eyes at the defender. “It’s so obvious that you’ve had a crush on her for the past like six years, and a blind person can see that she likes you too.”

“I- I’m not in love with (Y/N).” Kelley’s face flushes, as she rubs the back of her neck nervously. “She’s my best friend.”

“Kelley,” Christen softly chimes in,, hoping to talk some sense in her friend she’s known since college. “You guys obviously have feelings for each other that go beyond friendship, and you’ve been dancing around them for years. We just want you two to be happy.”

Many of the women nod and voice their agreement.

“But what if it ruins our friendship and I lose her forever?” The freckled defender bites her lip nervously.

“That’s not gonna happen.” Christen gives her a knowing look. “Even if she didn’t reciprocate those feelings, she’s not gonna cut you out of her life.”

“And Kel,” Tobin adds on. “You never know until you ask her. And who knows? The risk of putting your heart out there may be worth it. But you’re just gonna live in the dark haunted by the unknown and what ifs unless you tell her how you feel.”

“I hate that you’re philosophical insights are usually right,” Kelley huffs.

Meanwhile, as the team holds their intervention for your best friend, you and Alex were at the bar ordering another round of drinks.

As you were waiting for the bartender, you and Alex were engaged in your own conversation, when you hear a boisterous voice interrupt you.

“Hey! It’s Alex Morgan!” A large man approaches the two of you, holding a half-full cup of beer in his hand, and you have a feeling he’s downed a couple pints already.

You sense Alex tense up next to you, as she gives the stranger a tight smile. “Hello.”

“Oh, and who’s this?” He turns to you, a leering grin on his face, making your insides turn. You reach for Alex’s hand in search of comfort but also as a protective gesture.

“Is she your girlfriend?” The man looks back at the star forward. “I hear your entire team is full of d*kes, but I didn’t think you were one. You’re way too hot to be a d*ke.”

Alex’s grip on your hand tightens, as anger radiates off of her. “I’m actually happily married.” She raises her left hand to show off her ring.

“Woah.” The stranger lets out a low whistle, his eyes slowly widening before he squinting to get a better look, as his movements impaired by the alcohol. “That is quite the rock. How’d you afford that with your pay? I’ve heard all about your team’s fight for equal pay and all that. I personally think it’s a load of crap. You guys aren’t even that good at soccer, and it’s so boring. The only thing that makes your games interesting is your smoking hot bodies.”

You scrunch your nose in disgust at this man’s blatant misogyny. “I’m surprised you know about our equal pay fight. I’d think it’d be too complicated for your thick skull,” you quip, throwing the insult right in his face.

“Ooooo feisty, are we?” He raises his eyebrows at you. “And where do you get off calling me dumb?”

“I’m just calling them as I see them,” you simply state, letting go of Alex’s hand, as you move to stand in front of her protectively. “Where do you get off disrespecting women and being a bigot?”

“(Y/N/N), it’s not worth it,” Alex whispers in your ear.

“I’d listen to your friend,” the man sneers and stands up straighter, slightly sobering up. “Because I’m not afraid to hit a girl, especially a mouthy one like you. Women like you deserve to be put in your place.”

“Go on then,” you challenge, probably a stupid decision on your part, but the adrenaline is rushing and you are at your wits end with this man in front of you. “I dare you.”

You thank all the gods in the universe that the stupid stranger was actually stupid enough to try and throw a punch with his blood-alcohol level because you can see his punch coming from a mile away.

Before his fist can make contact with your face, you grab his hand and twist his arm, leaning in closely to his face. “Is that all you got? My mom hits better than you.” You smirk.

“Let go of me, you bitch,” he growls, snatching his arm out of your grasp.

“Wait, I have one more thing,” you call out.

“What the hell are you talk-”

Before he can finish, you cut him off, rather your fist cuts him off. The man in front of you had been testing your patience and had used up all your grace, which, in your opinion, warranted a punch in the face.

You can’t help but wince at the sharp pain shooting through your hand upon the contact, but the cracking sound of his nose eases some of your discomfort.

By now, the rest of the team had become worried by your prolonged absence and then had noticed the commotion this stranger was stirring. Hearing the raised voices coming from your direction, many of the veterans, including Kelley, Christen, Tobin, Ash, Ali, and Megan, made their way over to where Alex was currently holding you back from unleashing your anger on this drunk man.

“What is going on here?” Becky asks, surveying the situation in front of her.

“This asshole was insulting Al and then had the audacity to continue being a sexist pig,” you spit out, directing your words at the man, who was still holding his bloody nose, while Alex was doing her best to keep you under wraps.

“I think it’s time for you to go,” Ashlyn states firmly.

As the goalie, along with Becky, Megan, and Ali, coax the stranger into leaving you alone, and hopefully leaving the club, Alex, Christen, Tobin, and Kelley try and calm you down.

“(Y/N/N),” Christen soothes, cupping your face. “I need you to calm down. Take a deep breath.” The curly-haired forward inhales and exhales, motioning for you to mimic her actions.

You take a deep breath, and upon exhaling, you feel the tension, along with the adrenaline, leave your body.

“Shit,” you sigh. “My hand.”

You lift your right hand, revealing your split knuckles on which bruises were starting to form.

“Come on, Sylvester.” Tobin claps your shoulder, letting out an amused chuckle. “Let’s get you back to the hotel, and on the way, you can tell us all about your heroics.”

You amusedly roll your eyes and lean into the other woman’s side.

As the team gathers their things, ready to call it a night after the turn of events, Megan approaches you, holding out a bag of ice.

“Here, (Y/N), the bartender gave me this for your hand.”

“Thanks, P.” You place the cool ice on your knuckles, hissing at the temperature shock.

On the way back to the hotel, many of your teammates were interrogating you about what had happened back at the bar. After telling the entire story, you received many hoots and hollers from the rest of the team.

“Damn (Y/N)!” Ash whistles. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.”

“Way to protect our honor,” Rose gushes, as many of the women nod along.

“Thank you, (Y/N), for defending me,” Alex says sincerely.

“Of course, Al. Anytime.” You give the forward a warm smile.

“Who knew (Y/N) could be such a badass?!” Emily exclaims with an impressed look on her face. “Kel, did you know that your best friend was a secret badass?”

While the rest of the girls had been teasing you about your heroic actions, your best friend had been oddly quiet.

“News to me.” Kelley answers shortly, her face hard and distant. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, wondering if the defender was mad at you. You thought she would’ve been proud of you for standing up for the team and putting a sexist douchebag in his place.

Before going back to entertaining your teammates’s jokes and questions, you make a mental note to talk to her once you get back to the hotel, silently thanking Vlatko for rooming the two of you together this camp.

You would never in a million years admit it, but you were harboring a huge crush for your best friend, had been for the past six years, ever since you’d joined the national team. Not only did you not want to ruin your friendship and end up losing Kelley, but you knew she would never return your feelings.

Over the past several years that you’d been friends with the defender, you’d seen Kelley go in and out of relationships, and comparing yourself to her other girlfriend’s, you had a feeling you weren’t her type.

You also had reservations due to the fact that Kelley was your teammate, and you didn’t want to change the team dynamic, especially if the two of you didn’t work out.

Thoughts of Kelley clouded your mind all the way back to the hotel, only further exacerbated by her deafening silence.

Upon arriving to the hotel lobby, before you all disperse to your rooms, Alex gives you another hug and thanks you again, and Becky, ever the mother of the group, gives you a warning.

“Make sure to ice on and off. 20 minutes. You know the drill, (Y/L/N). Kelley, make sure she takes care of that hand.”

“Don’t worry about me, Becks. I got it,” you reassure the veteran defender, giving her a mock salute.

Following Kelley, you cautiously enter the hotel room. You nervously watch the other women move around the room, as she silently goes about her usual nighttime routine. Taking the hint that she wasn’t going to talk to you anytime soon, you go about your own routine and get ready for bed.

After about twenty minutes later, after both of you had showered, you were finishing wrapping your hand and were about to get into bed, when you noticed Kelley discretely staring at your bandaged hand.

Unable to tolerate the silence anymore, you break the tension. “Okay, what is up with you?”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“Kel,” you sigh, plopping down on the side of her bed. “You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder ever since what happened at the bar. Are you mad at me?”

“Nope. Not mad,” Kelley hums slightly passive aggressively, still not looking up from her book.

You roll your eyes, frustrated by your best friend’s childish behavior. “Kelley, I know when you’re lying, and I know that you’re mad at me right now, so would you please just look at me?!”

Sensing the exasperation and frustration in your voice, Kelley closes and sets down her book. “Fine, you’re right. I am mad at you.”

You thought you’d feel relieved, hearing her confirm your suspicions, but instead, the pressure in your chest increases.

“Why? What did I do?” You practically beg, scooting up the bed, so you’re closer to the other woman.

“As if you don’t know,” she scoffs.

Confused, you tilt your head. “I clearly don’t. Kel, please talk to me, tell me what I did.”

“You literally punched a dude in the face!”

“Yeah, but he deserved it, Kel! You heard the things he was saying,” you defend. “I couldn’t just let him get away with talking about our team like that. I thought you’d be proud of me for standing up to a sexist asshole like him.”

“I am proud, sort of. I mean that was completely badass and totally warranted, not that I necessarily expected that from you, and I’m glad you put him in his place,” Kelley babbles. “But that’s not the point, (Y/N/N). You were reckless tonight. You could’ve gotten hurt!”

Your face softens at her outburst. Taking a deep breath, Kelley confesses, “I love you, (Y/N). I’m in love with you, and I just can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt, especially by some drunk idiot who doesn’t know shit about football or respecting women.”

Your eyes widen and your heart practically stop, when you process the words that have come out of your best friend’s mouth.

“(Y/N), please say something,” Kelley begs.

“You’re in love with me?” You test the words on your mouth.

“Yeah,” she sighs contently, giving you a soft smile. “Have been for the past eight years.”

“Gosh, we really are idiots.” You let out a wet chuckle, shaking your head.

“What?”

“I’m in love with you, too, Kel,” you rasped, your voice laced with pure emotion. “I’ve loved you since my first camp.”

“Wow,” Kelley scoffs, an amused grin playing on her face. “Are we really that oblivious?”

“Apparently so.” You shrug. “But we’re here now.”

“Yeah, we are.” The freckled woman softens. “Can I kiss you?”

You nod eagerly, leaning in to meat the other woman’s lips. The kiss is nothing like you’d dreamed of; it’s better. It’s soft and tender, full of love and passion. You melt into each other, as your lips move together in harmony.

Not wanting things to get too heated, especially not before you’ve talked about what this meant for the future of your relationship, you pull away, resting your forehead against hers.

“Hi,” you whisper, smiling like a fool.

“Hey,” Kelley murmurs softly, returning your smile.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She takes your hand, kissing your wrapped knuckles. “But please don’t be getting into any more bar fights.”

“Hey! I would never start a fight, however I have no problem finishing them.” You smirk, boasting slightly triumphantly.

Kelley rolls her eyes playfully, but then looks into your eyes. “I mean it, (Y/N). I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt. So no more fights alright?”

“I promise, Kel.” You give her a chaste kiss.

“Good.”

That night, you stay in Kelley’s bed, cuddling into her side. As you slowly drift into a peaceful sleep, you notice the woman next to you is already fast asleep.

You sigh contently, and you can’t help but feel extremely lucky that even after all these years, and everything that’s happened, life still led you to this woman and a love worth fighting for.

[masterthespianduchovny]

Although there is critique to be made about Anthony, fans need to take accountability and responsibility for how they engage with media. As absurd as that sounds, I need people to actually listen.

I just read a tweet that said, "How rude of the actor. I clung to ships when I was in the closet Bc I craved representation. so glad Mark gets it, he a truly good ally."

This is what I meant yesterday when I said fans will dehumanize actors (to further their own goals).

"How rude?"

What is rude about Mackie wanting better m/m platonic relationships represented on screen? What? Because a person is no longer able to vicariously live through the character they're representing or who a fan paired them with?

It's the entitlement for me.

And that may sound wrong to say about the LBGTQ community, but there are levels to this shit when you add race to it, especially when they add in Mark Hamill. Mark was just portraying a character--one he cared about, but he wasn't trying to help influence the perception and dynamics of a group.

As a lead, Anthony wants to allow black men to have platonic relationships with other male characters without it being sexualized or romanticized because, let's be honest, most male friendships on screen (and many in real life) are toxic. If this person can get validation from fictional characters being gay, doesn't that say a black kid or black man can get validation from seeing a fictional black man be vulnerable and have close relationships with other male characters without it being sexual?

It's not like these fans cared about Sam until it was time to pair Bucky with a new man and now it's the responsibility of these actors to reinforce these fans' head canons???

Like, I completely fucking get where people are coming from at times with these criticisms, however, fandom and actors/crew were NEVER supposed to mix like this. I don't know if it's because of the increasing popularity of cons or the accessibility of people apart of the given show or movie, but the idea that actors and crew can't speak their mind thus them being "rude" for clarification and explaining the narrative is bonkers.

Head canons are GREAT! But when you're seeking validation from some form of media for representation that they've never indicated they're setting up, you've set yourself up for failure. How is anyone disappointed that Mackie said, "These are two men who are close, but it's not romantic--it's platonic."

Back then, fans fully embraced the fact that our shit wasn't canon and we were fine with that. Like, yeah, there is a lot of nuances and shit. I get that, but this entitlement in trying to dictate the narrative and color everything as queer baiting is wild as fuck and diminishes actual queer baiting.

I literally spoke to someone who said queer baiting is whatever a queer person thinks it is and that is wrong. This take completely muddles the meaning of queer baiting and, consequently, decontexualizes everything to give power to fan meaning. As a result, this is why some fans are upset when they faves they've coded as a gay man ends up with a woman. They've spent so much time ignoring canon and living in their own reality that when the show actually addresses romance, it feels homophobic to them.

Queer baiting is intentional for the most part. And if someone is always going with their meaning of something, they're going to think someone is "rude" and see anything in contradiction to their beliefs as homophobia.

There is this huge dishonesty about what goes on in the community and acting as if fans are always on their best behavior. Regardless if its m/m, m/f, or f/f fans can and have harassed actors about their ships. Fans have behaved poorly. Fans aren't telling these actors about these ships in a wink wink sort of way or just sharing something, they're constantly seeking out validation and, in return, are trying to influence the narrative. And when that doesn't happen, "WE WERE QUEER BAITED!!!"

These actors, writers, and show runners are being put in an impossible position. If they don't validate a fan's feelings, "they're rude and homophobic." Then if they keep with their narrative that doesn't support the fan interpretation, "They're rude and homophobic." If the validate the fans feelings and stay on course, its queer baiting. "But they said they shipped x and y!!!"

That twitter user projected their personal struggle onto Mackie and made him responsible for their feelings. In the process, she completely disregarded his personhood as a black person. And that's the shit I'm talking about.

If people truly understood that how you interact with media in a non canon way is your personal relationship that no one can interfere on, most wouldn't be upset by Mackie's words. Because shit that happens in fandom has shit all to do with canon most of the time.

One last point, for those who keep claiming that this was just an innocent little fandom thing that Mackie shat on, shall I remind y'all of Endgame???

People convinced themselves that Steve and Bucky were going to end up via a subtle nod and were mad as fuck when Steve ended up with Peggy. There was literally nothing to support this idea except head canons and actors going the Mark Hamill route of supporting fan feelings. After Endgame, their was fucking articles and pissed off fans because they were "queer baited", despite literally nothing in the narrative supporting this.

People can talk about tropes for days, yet a prime example of the MCU doing whatever the fuck they want is Steve and Natasha. You can lay out all the tropes you want, but they didn't go down that route. After having them kiss, change in front of each other, run away together several times, imply Steve had a hard on due to Natasha, etc THEY NEVER TOUCHED ON THEM ACTUALLY BEING TOGETHER. In literally the next movie after winter soldier, Natasha gets involved with Bruce.

They're always presented as good friends who genuinely care about each other.

It's fine if people ship Sam and Bucky. It's fine to want the MCU to actually explore their dynamic. What is not fine is to disregard and ignore canon to peddle your fantasies, and then claim you were baited because you didn't like the outcome.

The fandom at large can be so fucking dishonest and that shit is so appalling.