#sometimes its like talking to a door
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And where was your feminist energy everytime Leo found a new 20 year old gf? Or when Florence Pugh dated Zach Braff?
is this a fucking leo or flo or zach braff stan account bestie
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"describe your oc and then have them describe themself" is still one of my favorite little drawing/character exercises like this one's pretty blatant vs Showing but it's still so fun in either direction. what you say and how you say it... what you dont say + how much. etc etc
#if not you then using another oc also works#perception of self and others is always fun.#perception of character IN how they describe others is also fun#a doodley#ive also talked in general about how oc making is hard for me bc its like getting to know a stranger...its hard to get info out sometimes.#talon feels like a locked door sometimes.#anyway. i do love him i want us to be locked in a room strangling each other#who am i talking about again?#ah#anyway. no more parallels please dont look at design choices dont look at the traumas dont read into it#ive had better examples of dis but its old art i hate so i cant show it....
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THEY TURNED UZI INTO A SYSTEM AT THE END???? WE STAY WINNING
(rambling about this more in the tags; blatant spoilers)
#daitex.t#murder drones#murder drones spoilers#murder drones episode 8#is that the takeaway from the post credits scene? no. is it what I'm getting from it? yes :]#especially because like. all the stuff that happened in every episode? incredibly traumatic#it honest to god would make sense#I've seen people commenting on the illusion stuff and I'll be real I think it's just the solver's way of getting uzi's attention#uzi checks the hallway and sees nobody in it. the solver flickers in the mirror right after she looks back#and yes she looks extremely tired but after all that? the solver should cause her to react in some way (yelping or something)#instead she's silent. with the way her expression changes it gives the impression this isn't the first time this has happened#(with ''this'' being ''the solver talking to her when they're alone'')#her only reaction is AFTER the solver tilts its head/tail at her in search of an answer to its question. and all she does is slam the door#given the conversations we sometimes have in this brain. yeah that's how it goes sometimes#it also just seems tiring to keep something as big as THE SOLVER STILL BEING ABLE TO TALK a secret/on the down low#v already nearly blew a hole in her chest just seeing uzi's eyes. better to not talk about it#anyways yeah
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I have truly never seen so much discourse for a hero/anti-hero that kills until I started liking jason todd. I have literally never seen so many people get hate for not condemning a fictional character who kills bad guys until now its shocking! and I mean that literally
maybe I’m the one missing something but there are plenty of heroes (not antiheroes but HEROES) who exist that choose a lethal method and people take that in stride? the only way I can make sense of this is that people are so attached to batman and his mythos; they literally imprint on him and his thinking ?? and now any slight against him or challenge against his righteousness is taken as if its a slight against them.
at the end of the day, to me, you can still support jason being lethal because the fictional characters hes killing aren’t actually dead. in this sense, specifically, I don’t see why real life morals should be applied to a comic world. he’s not killing out of bigotry and if he was, I would get the controversy! but if you can agree with brutally beating and invasions of privacy in the dcu because it’s “morally correct” within the universe, I can’t see an argument against jason’s methods being morally wrong as valid unless those views are applied to every aspect of batman comics. if we did that, then everyone who continued reading these comics would be getting the same treatment jason todd fans do. you cannot hold one character accountable to real life moral views and not the other(s)!
#jason todd#dcu#jason todd meta#batman#dc meta#am I making any sense bc tbh I am writing this while permed and words sometimes don’t make sense to me then#let jason todd kill ! let him fuck up every villian that he meets ! no one thinks universe proclaimed villians dying are the same as killing#ppl in real life I promise u!#I just want to enjoy my anti hero crime lord vigilante in peace#you have arkham ASYLUM btw that is canonically a revolving door bc how else can we make money from the story if they stayed in ‘jail’#and villains canonically proven to kill for the laughs or the drama or the fun of it and feel no remorse#and ur coming at me and talking about the death penalty being wrong in relation to this universe ?#WHAT ABOUT THIS UNIVERSE REMOTELY SEEMS LIKE ITS CLOSE TO REALITY#I think this controversy would benefit from ppl who dislike jason seeing jason as the ‘lesser evil’ instead of just ‘evil’ bc then that#would be so much more interesting ! he’s still a bad guy and u can still dislike him but at least for good reasons
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#over three weeks now since hes gone#sometimes ill hear a noise and think. ah well there he is. ofc hed be back he wouldnt just leave me like that#like a specific way the wood would creek when hed jump up to his favourite sleeping place. the way his paws sounded against the glass door#the floor when he made his lil tap tap tap walk across the hall.#still haven't put away his boxies or his lil things or his bowls.#i still talk to him like hes lying just out of eyesight in his favourite boxie#we always did my puzzles together (i did the puzzle and he ruined it) and we just started one a few days before he. well.#i miss him all the time everywhere#cant stop crying. but like the curling up on the floor weeping type.#its like missing a limb or part of ur soul lol#collecting his fur like its treasure but then the realisation comes that thats it. thats all ill ever have of him now.#for the rest of my life. just this#and then we're back on the floor weeping lol#but i bought a locket to put some of it in so hes always with me still.#anyway. SUICIDE#bb boy#txt.me#u know the spiel. lets not talk about it i just needed to type it out#bb baby
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//vent
cursed with never knowing whats appropriate and what isnt in conversation. talked to a guy yesterday and he asked me a question abt one of my interests and i answered. and then he just. did not follow up. even tho i asked him smthn. and like id love to point it out but goddd damn. do i not want to cross boundaries
#//vent#like hes cool. hes nice. i like that guy.#....but.#like holy shit ik im not entitled to answers or engagement but unless were talking abt smthn hes into its like talking to a brick wall#and i dont think he does it on purpose?? and i dont think im much better either#its whats stopping me from pointing it out. bc im not sure that im not the same exact way#like i do try yknow?? to engage w shit???? to answer questions and respond to every part of a message???#talking to him sometimes is like having a conversation and when its my turn he just gets up and leaves in the middle of me talking#closes the door behind him and im like “oh hell be back! :)” and then 26 hours later its just. nothing.#i dont wanna start shit i dont... but i feel like im losing my mind#any time i wanna share smthn i like and am passionate abt its just. wall time#i can have wall time in the privacy of my own home man cmon.#i dont wanna seem needy or entitled by pressing the issue but its just. not making me feel great#idk im just. idk.#im too afraid of asking for things lmfao im so convinced if i do people will leave#ughhhh i just dont know what to do here#:/
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didnt wanna ramble more in my newest post but like. The implications of steven having 4 charizards in doors open is so fucking confusing, and unironically i am glad nobody takes doors open for characterization bc fanon steven would be even more confusing and worse. If we took s!3v3n characterization from doors open every interpretation of fanon s!3v3n would be "I HATE YOU IM GUNNA KILL YOU!!! IM YELLING AND IM GUNNA KILL YOU!!! THE YEAR 2010! SCARY! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE" ( <- hyperbolization but literally how he is in doors open just exaggerated Literally only a bit. ) instead of a creepy tall guy who lurks in the shadows or whatever.
Canon s!3v3n in doors open and strangled ( not strangled red hes just kind of creepy and silent there ) is like. The mental asylum pov video on tiktok. Which is really funny but not a good character(*&^
I am certain its just a "he has four bc they spell out one letter of MIKI in each of their names in order!" and its probably just for that but like. whyyyy does he have four of them.
Who gave you four charizards. Did he clone more. Did he get that insane. I dont want to seriously think abt lore implications of doors open other than the small details it gives abt stevens appearance and mikis moveset, because it is once again, Not Fucking written Well its just GRRR ill KILL YOU i HATE YOU IM GUNNA KILL YOU!!! so its not narratively interesting, especially from characterization standpoint for steven/s!3v3n and therefore i dont trust it but God.
Why does He have four of them. Did they split. The seven (aka four) miki souls ??? omega s!3v3n. This is going nowhere.
#wispy chatters#strangled red steven#im certain someone could bullshit a reason well or write it well In Character for steven but like#Itd still feel contrived bc its clearly just a 'he has four charizards bc it needed to be tht way from a writing standpoint to do smth cool#Like is it a cool idea for fanart to draw steven surrounded by four mikis in that like painterly way. yea#is it in any way anything you can characterize well . No. Its doors open.#It itself is not doing steven any justice as a character#im glad the only thing people take from it is lost silver and strangled red being vaguely connected bc its a cool concept.#does it make sense. not really. Is it neat. yea#also i should say the actual writing for strangled and doors open is fine . par for the course for a gamepasta but fine.#smr Knew how to linebreak and how to capitalize things which some creepypastas in 2010 did not know how to fucking do#when i say writing im referring to 'dialogue and characterization sucks ass in those two.'#mostly in doors open s!3v3ns at his worst and tropiest there#strangled red does this better bc stevens an actual guy who talks sometimes and its vaguely in his pov youre just playing said pov.#strangled and doors open are far more disconnected easter egg creepypastas so its more Look at this weird guy#instead of Whats this weird guys deal? Whats going on with him? bc thats strangled red.#basically strangled red lets you suspend more disbelief since youre playing as him and he has agency and isnt like a plot device#for scary shit to happen. What if a scary guy appear. they focus more on miki almost in those two.#on the other hand Strangled Red is a tragedy .#can you tell im autistic.
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thinkin abt this. and thinking about mitch realizing that he'd never get the full suburban nuclear family hockey best friend life with auston.... thinking about the little adjustments of expectations they've made about each other and their futures together....... thinking about where they are now and might be later on.
#1634#like. . austons homes in arizona....#he loves toronto. he has a home in toronto too but he doesnt. like.#seem to have those same kind of dreams since he's split between family in az vs job in tor. at least isnt vocal abt them#mitch HAS been to his home in az tho.......... a treat it seems not a ton of ppl have.....#and auston comes to his lakehouse..... its all so.......#just. mitch has grown up with such conventional wants in a lot of ways it SEEMS like when he talks n jokes#but then u see who he gravitates towards sometimes. n the way it contradicts his actions.#i find them. fascinating. i really do#ive actually been thinkin abt this for days#its like the antithesis of the web weaving i made... where their dreams DIFFER.#still holding so much love n space for each other even then.....#the potential for angst.#just kills me to think abt auston who. like... does not have a house in toronto. maybe never will.#if he ever has kids. i doubt theyll full time live there. its like... mitchs dreams have always been#hockey. family life where he grew up... picket fence n dog n wife n kids w buds right next door.#the whole block even! hang with the boys forever.. make them family.#realizing thats not smth u can dream abt wiht specific ppl u might want it the most wiht. hello....#anyway.#caught between wanting things youre supposed to want n told urself uve wanted ur whole life#n. smth unconventional maybe.
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for the love of god someone convince me from texting my ex, i daydreamed too closr to the sun and now i want attention😭
#its not a door i should open#but idk if im crazy and i need to drop my suspicions and try again or if im really going to be right some day#and we get involved again then that person comes along and its a messy awful breakup and i just cant do that to them#but fuck i wish i could be with them#i would love them but the problem is (aside from their drinking) it would be so easy to fall in love with them#but they want long term and aside from me knowing im leaving the province soon i dont think wish how i am now id be okay with pretending#its not fair#i want to see them again#im jealous of attention they probably get and that theyve probably given#and i really hate how i was made and that i cant just go with the flow#but again drinking and dark eyes aside theyre practically perfect#i miss them so much sometimes that im actually posting more on instagram in the hopes theyll notice me again#i wonder if they think about me or if theyre too busy getting laid#cause theyre in a band so duh obviously theyre getting laid#I FUCKING HATE MY INABILITY TO BE ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE#ITS NOT FAIR#I HATE MY SUPERSTITIONS SO DAMN MUCH I WANT TO LET THEM GO AND BE HAPPY BUT I CANT#I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PERSON I WANT TO BE WITH WITH PRETTY BLUE EYES AND BIG HANDS#fuck nate was so close to perfect and i love that theyre so interesting and fuck i think id just give in if they had blue eyes#i could ignore the other problems and feel better about trying to be with them#mostly i just want them to kiss me and hug me again#they were so gentle about it and it felt so safe and i wanna cry cause i know its not fair to contact them#but fuck i wish i could#i dont want to be alone anymore and they made me laugh#i dont know what to do but i wish it was easier to at least meet people if not date them#i just want to feel something for someone new so i can feel like im over them#but sadly they work at ikea and its not even the closest one to me but i have to go there for a new mattress topper and jars#and i keep imagining running into them AND ITS FUCKING ME UP i want to talk to them but i cant do that
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i need constant noises bc i need to drown out the weird shit my head stsrts making up the instant it gets too quiet
#like whispers and voices from other rooms and outside my door even when im alone#stressful....#sometimes its like someone talking directly into my ear#usually the same voice it sounds like a woman roughly my age but shes rude
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oh shit he's monologuing SOMEONE STOP HI-
Next->
<-previous
#the ambitions of an eccedentesiast#dr jekyll and mr hyde#ocs#chapter one#page seven#late upload woooo#I was staying after school and forgot to que the post before I left TTwTT#I had fun though don't worry#only adding ear detail to things like elf ears and shit until I figure myself out TTwTT#cause its fine sometimes but its also like#mmmm#you know#anyway#if your standing by the door debating leaving and not wanting to talk to anyone and every noise is too much and the lights are too bright -#and you hate it there#then maybe you should leave my guy#maybe you should go home-#just saying.
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politely asking the gay people piloting my brain to quiet down, a little bit, please thankyou
#sorry if i become strange and weird and offputting rq#hitting th ceiling w a broom What In The Goddamn Is Going On Up There#th past two days havebeen fuckig. cacophonous. what are you fuckers doing.#piktalk#the fun experience of is this the Seasonal Change or the Character Development or the Isolation Finally Getting To Me#idont like . being like this but also its my house and the doors are open.#and also ihave. um. nowhere else to talk about it. n i dont wanna be quiet anymore.#so ur just gonna have t listen to me indirectly argue with myself sometimes. ok? ok <33
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☩: Your muse is doing some intense spring cleaning. What is easy for them to throw out, and what is difficult for them to part with? Little bonus: Is there anything specific Arsay is particularly sentimental about?
OOh this is a tough question actually. Arsay didn't grow up with a whole lot, but her recent life as an adventurer has caused her to just collect so many little things. It can be hard for her to let go of stuff she had to spend any of her gil on, or things that were given to her by other people. Arsay is actually so sentimental. Any item she pulls out could be something that remind her of certain events, people or places...
I suppose the first thing she'd clear out is monster by products. Materials that she kept on her after a hunt thinking she'd find a use for it. Now she just kinda dumps the stuff with the researchers in labarynthos, thinking maybe they'd find a use for it. Oh and materia. Tbh i think she goes to a melder asks them to throw shit on her gear, and then donates the rest to the doman enclave so they can sell it.
--- The stuff she really really cares about though is always going to be the stuff she wears at all times. Her rings (one from each partner), the matching bracelet with Y'shtola, Her earnings from G'raha, her choker that has a chunk of syrcus tower crystal embedded in it. BUT The thing she is the most sentimental about is her ribbon. I've mentioned this in the past, but I always imagined it to be a large swatch of fabric and assorted charms that her parents bought in Kugane as they made their way to orthard. It was sent to Emrara's island along with a note for Arsay which would be their first and final correspondence to her. When Arsay was very very young, and still had hope of her parents return, shed carry the fabric around like a blankie almost. When she finally gave up on and accepted her parents forgot about her, she spitefully hid that fabric away hoping to forget it and her parents. It was on her last visit to her home island before leaving for Eorzea that Emrara presented her with the fabric again fashioned into the headband/ribbon. Emrara giving her a gift of any kind was a rarity, so of course Arsay accepted regardless of how it drudged up bad memories. She simply did her best everyday to remind herself not to think about it and to remember that this was a good thing she got from her aunt who maybe loves her. Once she learned that her parents died in orthard and did not actually forget her at all, she was all the more glad to have kept the thing. I don't think she'll ever be tempted to rid herself of it.
#long answer but any time i talk about the lore critical ribbon i feel like i gotta explain the whole story again#incase people are unaware#because it is lore /critical/#she swaps it out sometimes but for the most part she cant walk out the door without it on#if it ever went missing or damaged shed go on a killing spree probably#dont ask how its managed to stay in such pristine condition#maybe emrara put a spell on it#Arsay Nun#thank you for the ask!
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem��� my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean
#what did i do#i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was#just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do#why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what#i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all#sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged#or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt#i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so#different..like no it didnt. or im missing something?#i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood#innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍#ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother#we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i#doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt#Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone#like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door#and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?????????#those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt#ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he#told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT??????#oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it#be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL#I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO#she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE#8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME#mothers when they mother👍
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venting sorry. i get emotional thinking of the media both me and my dad loved growing up and the father daughter bonds that were the highlights of those movies and tv shows to him and i feel like i failed
#my dad and i used to watch adventure time together and my dad LOVED simon and marcy and he learnt daddy why did you eat my fries on the#guitar and i used to sing it with him. and one time when i was 14 ish and severely depressed and anxious we had people over#and my dad was talking about adventure time lmao and was getting his guitar and wanted me to sing it with him and i just said NO.#because i was mad at him. and embarassed. and we never sung it together ever again. its been too long now. that window has closed.#but i wish we could#my relationships with my dad never really recovered after my teen years and its hard to talk to him.#i wish i could talk to him. we are really similar. in the bad ways too#vent#SORRY GUYS i need to find a therapist#my family just never talks abt their feelings. or when they do its when theyre angry. i dont feel like i can bring this up to them.#i just hate knowing i rejected my dad like that. he probably saw me not wanting to sing w him as very personal. not that hed ever say it#AND FUCKIN INTERSTELLAR me and my dad both loved interstellar at a time when i was -again- severely depressed and locking myself in my room#and the father and daughter go have scenes that feel very similar to things that were going on in my house at the time. where shes#baracading the door and not letting people in. it rly hit home is what im saying#and my dad loved the movie i loved it too but the family relationships in the movie were never discussed whenever we talked abt it#but for christmas one year my dad gave me a watch. like the one fuckin matthew mcconoughey give his daughter in the movie#and i wear it all the time. it makes me fuckin cry sometimes that stupid fucking watch. but it means so much.#i just wish hed talk abt his fucking feelings so i wouldnt need a watch to know my dad still loves me#also this post is about transitioning and my dad feeling like he lost that father daughter bond with me but we wont get into all that
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