#sometimes it really does feel like dying a little bit and coming back to life every time when its really bad. like fuck dude I'm still here

[v-iv-rusty]

idk I'm starting to think that healing from trauma/dealing with mental illness is just a lifelong cycle of constant death and rebirth. the snake eats its own tail again and again. or something lol

[fxllfaiiry]

─ callin' it quits now, baby, I'm a wreck ੈ✩‧₊˚

✶ pairing: miguel o'hara x fem!reader

✶ synopsis: the aftermath of the argument with miguel.

✶ warnings: angst, hurt with comfort, occ miguel (for one scene only dw), shitty humour, one or two swear words, reader being slightly mean, mentions of death.

✶ notes: part two of "you're the sunflower" this part was originally 8k words long and i was like nope, so i had to cut it down, I'm sorry. I really hope this isn't bad ‼️

At first, you didn't quit the team. 

After the blow-up with Miguel, you thought about leaving the team for good, but yet you decided to show up, hanging around for a bit before quickly leaving. 

But slowly you stopped showing up altogether. The looks of pity were too much for you to handle, and frankly, you deserve an apology, you deserved better.

Every day was torture, and seeing Miguel only made it worse. No one thought this whole ordeal would go this far. 

Everyone noticed the changes, you were more serious, and your usual sunshine self was gone at this point. Everyone noticed the day you stopped coming in. 

You felt so lonely, sure, you had friends in your universe but yet, nothing felt the same. You sometimes wondered if they missed you or not. 

It had only been a few weeks and yet it felt like months. 

A part of you secretly hoped someone from the team would show up at your doorstep pleading for you to come back, but nothing. 

"You'll get used to it eventually" You'd tell yourself. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

It had been two whole months since you left. Nothing felt the same without you. 

"Does anyone else miss Sunflower?" Gwen said sadly. She missed your hugs, and your little girl talks with her, she missed everything about you.  

"We all miss her, kid," Peter sighed. Without you, he had no one to talk to about Mayday. 

"I hope she comes back soon," Miles said. 

"I think she just wants space right now," Pavitr replied.  

"This is all Miguel's fault y'know?" Hobie added bitterly, how dare Miguel take his friend away from him. 

"Someone should talk to him, maybe if he apologizes, she'll come back." Miles was hopeful, he knew you'd come back eventually. 

"Sure, kid. As if Miguel ever listens." 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Miguel on the other hand was depressed. 

He'd gotten used to your presence and it felt odd without you.

He felt horrible about yelling at you but he was scared. The thought of you dying terrified him, and his way of dealing with that wasn't the best. 

He thought about apologizing many times, but he didn't know how to. The last thing he wanted was to cause more damage. 

"You know a simple "sorry" could fix this all right?" Lyla said, breaking him out of his trance. 

"It's not that easy, Lyla." He sounded so broken to his own ears. 

"Well, you gotta try, Boss." 

"Sunflower used to call me that." 

"You're joking, right? Wow, you really are pathetic." Lyla snorted. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Dude, you're in love with her. You are absolutely smitten." 

"Lyla, that's enough-" 

"No, you love her and that's why it's bothering you so much." 

"I don't-" 

"Nah, Lyla's right, you do love her." He turned around to see Jess standing in his office. 

"Jess, not you too, and where did you come from?" Miguel groaned, he did not love you. 

"The door…? Anyways, just try to fix things, the first step is you apologizing." Jess stated matter-of-factly. 

Miguel thought about it for a minute, these last few weeks had been pure torture for him, Jess was right, the first step is apologizing.

"Fine, I'll do it first thing tomorrow, but I don't love her." 

"Sure, whatever you say, man." Jess snickered. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

You got somewhat used to your new life. It was the same old plain routine every day. You tried to throw yourself into other things. Finding new hobbies, jobs, literally anything. 

But eventually, it all started to feel okay.

Things were finally starting to look good for you. 

You thought about the spider society way less and finally started living your life to the fullest. 

You were moving on. 

Crime fighting was easy today. You got to hang out with your friends and an old lady gave you a cheerio, which is something. 

You swung around the city for a bit, enjoying the view and temporary peace. 

Soon it was time for you to head back home. You climbed in through your bedroom window and quickly changed out of your suit, slipping into more comfortable clothing.  

When you went downstairs to get some food, you weren't expecting to see Miguel O'Hara sitting on your couch. 

"Holy shit, what are you doing here?" You scared him, because he jumped violently at the sound of your voice. 

"I was here t-"

"Humiliate me further? Because I thought we were done with that." You felt bad saying that, but he deserved it. 

"No, I'm here to apologize." He looked down, ashamed. 

"It's a bit late for that, isn't it?" You chuckled bitterly, walking past him into the kitchen. 

"Just listen to me for a second." 

"I thought I was incapable of doing that." You muttered to yourself. 

He got up and strode towards you, but he received no acknowledgment of his presence. 

"I'm sorry for yelling at you in front of everyone; it was wrong and I shouldn't have acted so immaturely." 

"Uh-huh, it's fine. You can leave now, the door's right there." You weren't buying his ridiculous apology. Even a five-year-old could do better. 

"I understand you're mad, but please give me a chance." That was pretty much the last straw for you.

"I'm mad? You humiliated me in front of everyone! You made me feel like shit, you made me think I don't belong on the team! You're an asshole." You were screaming at him, taking out all the anger and sadness you felt in the past two months.

"I'm sorry." He sounded so small, so vulnerable, and for the second time in his life, he didn't know what to do. 

"The best you can say is I'm sorry? At least give me a proper explanation." You scoffed, rolling your eyes. 

"I'm in love with you." What? 

"Right, if you're here to joke around and mock me just leave okay."  You open up to him and he mocks you in return. Amazing.

"I'm being serious. I'm not mocking you or joking around, I'm in love with you. You want an explanation, so I'm giving you one." He breathed, looking at you hoping to receive some reaction. All he got was a small head tilt which he took as a sign to continue. 

"The reason I yelled at you was because I was scared. I thought you were going to die and that terrified me, I've lost everything, and I don't want to lose you too. I didn't know how to handle it, so I lashed out. I truly am sorry, Sunflower." You froze trying to process everything, was he telling the truth? 

"Lyla and Jess helped me realize my true feelings for you." He whispered. 

When you said nothing for a few minutes he started to get scared, he was ready to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness if he had to. 

"Can you… say something? Please?"

"I can't forgive you just yet." He would never admit to what happened next but he started sobbing. All this was too much, being vulnerable was an unknown feeling to him. 

"Woah, wait hey, don't cry. Let me-" Before you could finish your sentence he fell to his knees, arms clutching your waist like a lifeline. 

You were beyond confused, you thought this whole interaction was some sort of weird dream. Miguel O'Hara down on his knees, for you? Wow, two months ago you would've scoffed and rolled your eyes at that. 

Nonetheless, you ran your fingers through his hair trying to soothe him. 

"Miguel, honey, listen to me. Just because I'm not ready to forgive you now, doesn't mean I never will." His face was still squished against your midriff, and his breathing was slowly returning to normal, with a few sniffs here and there. 

"So, you'll come back?" Seeing him in such a state broke your heart, you were still upset with him but were willing to give him a chance. 

"Yes, I'll come back tomorrow." At that, he smiled properly for the first time in weeks. 

He stayed there for a few moments, letting you comb through his hair gently, he would cherish this brief moment forever. 

"I should get going then. The multiverse needs saving." He said hoarsely, standing up, he was slightly embarrassed by this side of him. 

"Maybe use the door this time." He lightly chuckled at your statement, the warm feeling took over him once again.

Miguel did not want to leave, he wanted to stay here with you, but he knew that wasn't an option right now.

Before he left he had to get one last thing off his chest.

"Could you, not tel-" 

"Tell anyone about this? Don't worry, this stays between us only." 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Everyone was surprised to see you back the next day. 

The second you walked in, everyone was all over you, hugging you and filling you in on everything you missed. It felt good to be back. 

"I'm so happy you're back," Gwen whispered, hugging you tightly. 

"I'm happy to be back, Gwendy. I missed you guys so much." 

"Hey quit hogging Sunflower, it's my turn to hug her now." Miles huffed impatiently. 

"Me next!" Pavitr bounced enthusiastically. 

"Hey, not cool. I called dibs, man." Hobie groaned. 

"Hey, Sunflower, I have some new pictures of Mayday to show you." Everyone was so excited to see you again, it was chaotic, but it felt like home. They were your family. 

Miguel watched the scene from afar with a smile, he was glad everything was okay now. 

"So you fixed things up with her, huh?" Jess said, popping up behind him, once again taking him by surprise. 

"¡Ay, coño! Jess, stop doing that." 

"Sorry, not my fault you don't have a spidy sense." Jess hummed. "So, how did you get her to forgive you?" 

"I have my ways." 

"You got down on your knees and begged her, didn't you?"

"How did you know?" Miguel whisper-yelled. That was supposed to be a secret. 

"I have my ways." Jess winked. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── 

In a few weeks, everything was back to normal, you were back to your old self again. 

Except for the fact that you and Miguel were now closer than ever. That was new. 

You were always by his side, sticking close to him and he felt comfortable around you, always relaxed in your presence. 

He wasn't sure if you forgave him just yet, but he was willing to wait for as long as you needed. 

He did small things to show you he cared, sometimes it was bringing you coffee, other times it was giving you your favorite flowers. 

You knew he was sorry, and in your heart, you forgave him a long time back. 

So, you finally decided to tell him. 

You guys were in his office having lunch, he didn't like to eat out in the cafeteria. You both would usually sit in silence enjoying each other's company. 

"Hey, Miguel." 

"Hm?" 

"I forgive you." 

He raised his eyebrows in confusion taking a moment to realise what you meant. When he finally got it, his eyes widened almost comically. 

"Oh, you do?" He was trying to hide his smile but failed horribly. 

"I forgave you a long time back, but I just… needed some time." You nodded.  

"I understand that. Thank you for giving me another chance." 

"Actually, to forgive you fully, I want one thing from you." You declared, confidently. 

"I'll do anything, Sunflower." He'd indeed do anything for you. 

"I want you to go out on a date with me." 

His brain stopped working. You were asking him out on a date. 

"Miguel? Is that a yes or no?" You grew nervous at his lack of response. Did you cross boundaries? You thought he liked you. 

"I would love to." You quickly beamed at his response, after months of waiting it was finally happening. 

"So, how about tomorrow, at 7?" You giggled. 

"Sounds perfect." He sighed, softly smiling. 

He couldn't wait for tomorrow. 

[i-am-married-to-keith-kogane]

Keith dating hcs please!! and im so glad that their is people still doing voltron! i love that show so so much and I feel like the fandom is dying so quickly😭

hiii!!

ofc i can do keith dating headcanons lovely! im so glad you like voltron too, its taken over my life once again and its sad coming back to the fandom with just a little of us left but i want to continue posting/writing about voltron to keep it alive on tumblr with some other talented creators!!

✦KEITH KOGANE DATING HCS✦

✦before confessing his feelings to you, he had to ask lance for some help

✦it took a lot of contemplating and hyping up but he finally got there!

✦keith would struggle a little at the beginning of the relationship since he's worried you'll leave him for someone better. he would spend nights just staring at his ceiling and thinking how much better off you would be with someone else.

✦though overtime those thoughts would fade away but not completely.

✦he would try to flirt with you, but he'd become very flustered and awkward but you thought it was very adorable by the effort he'd put into it!

✦he is very against PDA (aka public display of affection)!!

✦if you break it, expect a very grumpy, pouty and flustered keith.

✦keith is VERY clingy in your relationship, he’ll just want to constantly be near you especially in social situations.

✦keith gets jealous, he just does. he's scared people are gonna steal you from him.

✦once while on a mission with him, this alien took it upon themself to start flirting with you (because who wouldn't😍), keith caught up on this and let me tell you, he was mad.

✦he completely broke the 'no PDA' rule. he wrapped you around in his arm and said "excuse me, but she's taken" with a deadpanned face. man was not having it.

✦i feel like his galra side would make him very territorial, which includes things that belong to him and his personal space.

✦your his and he's yours.

✦surprisingly the only thing that he let pass from his 'no PDA' rule is hand holding, ONLY if he knows that no one else notices (especially Lance or Pidge, they just love to tease him).

✦but they know, they're just snickering quietly to themselves, but shiro keeps them quiet for keith's sake(space dad!!)

✦okay if you guys sleep together, keith demands morning kisses. its the first thing he needs wants. when he wakes up don't be surprised to be showered in kisses!

✦this man does NOT care about morning breath, he just loves you so much!!

✦though, if you sleep in your own beds let say, he'll just brush his teeth (as will you🫵)

✦i feel like keith's hugs will be super comforting and long, especially if he's feeling a little sleepy (and he may just hug you around the other paladins if he is really tired)

✦(yk sometime you just got to break the rule, he just can't resist hugging you. it just makes him feel so warm and comforted.)

✦we all know that keith loves you to bits but he does get embarrassed about what the others will think when they see him so lovey dovey and intimate.

✦he needs to keep the tough guy act okay, its a full-time job (its really not)

✦but just keep reminding him to be himself ☻!!

OKAY WE'VE MADE IT TO CUDDLING!!!!

✦(im sorry i just love cuddles💗 ahhhh)

✦this man would sell his soul for a cuddle from you. IN PRIVATE sadly.

✦he loves little snuggles before drifting off to sleep after an exhausting day.

✦he loves when you pepper kisses all over his face, neck, collarbone and shoulders

✦he also loves when you play or run your fingers through his hair, he finds it so soothing.

✦also don't deny any of his affection! IT WILL SEND THIS DUDE INTO SEVERE POUTY-NESS.

✦he just loves you so so so much!! so it will break his heart (not literally).

✦your the definition of the sun to his moon.♥︎

(i dont think i used that correctly ☹︎ but trust the thought process)

✦you always have to remind him that if he dies, you die too. in hope to make him less reckless on missions (he's still reckless).

✦also before he leaves for a mission he always gives you a sweet little kiss at the forehead/temple and definitely expect a kiss when he gets back!!

☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

✦in the end he loves you dearly and would do anything for you ☻♥︎

★。＼｜／。★

-love,

. marra✧˖*°࿐

★。／｜＼。★

[yuri-is-online]

I’d like to hear a little about Idia’s Yutu. I bet he was pretty startled to see his hair suddenly catch fire + any other physical changes associated with the curse. (Do you think the yellow eyes and shark teeth are even caused by the curse?)

Idia is a popular boy and I have a lot of thoughts about him in general; I feel like I gave him a lot to deal with in this particular au... Jade is probably having a worse time mentally but Idia has a bunch of work I know he wasn't asking for.

As for the talk about the curse, I kicked it around in my head a bit and I am going to say yes the teeth are caused by it but the eyes are just something Idia got from his parents. I know I talk about thinking there is something wrong with Trey, but I don't think that's because of a curse and his eyes are definitely yellow. Idia's do seem to glow a bit so if you want your Yutu to have different colored eyes I think it would make sense if they had a bit of a glow to them, but that's just me.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, for context on the fyuuture kid au can be found here and here. For this post, I would recommend reading this explanation of what happened to the boys as Idia has a pretty big role in the bad timeline, and his actions will be somewhat referenced here.

Idia has the benefit and the literal curse of being in charge of S.T.Y.X., meaning that when blot investigations are conducted he tends to be in the know. His Yuu and Yutu should have been safe from anything the Marshall's decided to do but they weren't. Unlike pretty much everyone else in this AU, Idia learns what happened to his family. He knows that Yuu was cursed, he knows they were sent back to their world. But that's about it, he tries to find some sort of way to make contact with your world so he can bring you home but then things go to shit and his progress is severely delayed. By the time he has to help bury Leona it's stopped completely. Ortho tries his best to help, but Idia doesn't really want him to. As much as he wants to see you again, he doesn't want you to have to suffer through any overblots again, nor does he want to raise a child in a dying world.

Sometimes when he is alone, energy drinks scattered around his desk he'll look over to the little digital photo frame he loaded up with pictures of you, from back at NRC all the way up to your wedding and wonders if he should just let you go. There's a chance you being forced to forget about him means you would have moved on, maybe met someone else and had other kids. Was his kid anything like him? He hopes they ended up looking mostly like you, and knowing there is no way for the Shroud curse to reach them does make it slightly easier to sleep at night. He tells himself when he comes back to work tomorrow, he'll put the frame in a drawer along with his wedding ring but he never does. In his mind, he is still your husband, just waiting for fall to come so you can try to be together again. Fall might be another life, but Idia surprisingly doesn't mind. He can wait for you.

Idia! Yutu was a massive crybaby when he was a baby. Very clingy to Yuu and very afraid of his own shadow let alone his teachers and peers. He grows out of the crying as he gets older but not the social anxiety. Yutu wants friends, he just sucks at making them and is extremely stressed out by being around people. I could see Yuu maybe getting an animal of some sort to help with the stress and anxiety their son was feeling. And just by typing that I have become attached to the concept: Ida! Yutu gets a dog Yuu feels inclined to name Cerberus. Yutu adores her and takes very good care of her without any fights about his chores.

Yuu remembers Idia as being more of a cat person, but they tell Yutu they think he really would have approved of Cerb. They remember him as being a socially awkward, but extremely passionate about his work and hobbies. His love of retro games causes a lot of Yuu's cursed pains, they know he liked those sorts of games but they can't for the life of them remember the titles. Yutu tries to reassure his parent it's just nice knowing a little bit about his dad and that he doesn't need the specifics. Hearing about his dad's interests motivates him to learn about emulators as he gets older, and he builds Yuu a nice family computer after scrounging for parts.

Yutu prefers single player or local co-op games, but makes an exception if Yuu has a long term MMO or something like a genshin account because he does like playing with Yuu. It helps soothe his social anxiety to talk to people while he knows his parent and Cerberus are near by, but when they aren't online he's essentially a solo gamer.

Unfortunately for Yutu's potential inner gremlin, Yuu also remembers Idia's shut in tendencies and is determined to get him outside from a very young age. Cerb does her best to help with that too, it's Yutu's job to walk her and he swears she keeps trying to introduce him to people. He's had so many awkward conversations with the people in his neighborhood because of her. His other chore used to be helping out in the little vegetable garden Yuu started to help cut down grocery costs, but that quickly ceased being a chore and became a full blown passion.

Idia! Yutu loves flowers. He fills his windowsills with plants that are safe to be around dogs and has Cerberus help him dig a flower bed around your home so he can plant more of them. Sure the veg garden is nice too, but he loves the significance of and variety that can be found in flowers. If you live in a place that can keep bees then he will absolutely bug you about wanting to get some.

Twisted Wonderland looks horrible to Yutu. It's dark and cold, he's been snapped into a room full of people in a place he doesn't recognize, and his parent has gone non responsive as he tries desperately to shake them awake. He tries snapping at the fancy looking man that comes to help and accidentally bites his tongue, and that's when he notices it.

Mostly because Cerberus tackles him and tries to put him out.

"Owowowowowowowwww-" Yutu tries to push Cerberus back but she keeps whining and trying to lick at his face. She yelps as Yutu catches his breath as he sees what she's trying to paw at. His hair is on fire, or to be more accurate his hair is fire. He can hold it, he can tug at it, it's warm and is not burning his clothes but his hair is on fucking fire-

"STAY." The voice is so commanding that both Cerb and Yutu freeze, the strange man from before with his dual colored hair looks oddly nostalgic at his little command, eyes obviously softening at the dog as he shakes his head. "Good girl, no need to worry. Your little master is ok, he isn't going to combust." Cerberus whines, but she relaxes and Yutu stands shakily. "Though full warning you might feel like you are once I am done explaining things to you."

Idia and Ortho are called to NRC for an emergency and debriefed on their way over. Yuu holds on to life just long enough to speak with Idia a little, the first time Yutu meets his dad the two of them are saying goodbye to a now comatose Yuu. The silence is awkward, but the hold Idia has on Yutu isn't. I like to think that Idia and Yuu had talked about what they would have wanted to name Yutu, and that memory had carried across the world so there was no awkward introduction phase between the two of them. The sort of fall into each others lives immediately, the want for the other to exist overriding anything else.

Cerberus helps too. Idia might be more of a cat person but cute doggies are good too. ESPECIALLY one with such an awesome name, she's the most spoiled girl in the entire apocalypse. She's an old dog at this point, so Idia takes her back to S.T.Y.X. where she becomes a sort of unofficial mascot for the research teams. Idia makes her a uniform and everything. He regularly sends pictures to Yutu while he's busy at school.

Because of Yutu's love of gardening trumping his interest in technology, he ends up in Heartslabyul instead of Ignihyde. He is very embarrassed about this at first (he really hates the uniform) but Idia reassures him that he doesn't care about that. His kid could probably kill someone in front of him and he would not care, especially not at this point. So long as he is able to talk to his child about manga and games he doesn't care what extra circulars they're into. I can't see him being super excited about having to go to sports games, but then again maybe he would just think about it like a sports anime to help psych himself up to go (his kid would obviously be his favorite character).

Bad timeline Idia is a lot calmer than his younger self. He still loses his temper and goes on smug rants, but in general he speaks exactly like he does in book six to the S.T.Y.X. employees. His true personality only really comes out when he's alone with Ortho and Yutu, but he tries to keep his more pessimistic side in check. He wants Yutu to have some hope for the future, but the more he runs the numbers the bleaker things look.

Ortho is beyond excited to have his nephew back. He always liked hanging out with Yuu because of the lack of data he had about them. Every conversation he had with them was unique, and he was really looking forward to having the same experience with Yutu. He was just as if not more distraught than Idia when you both disappeared, so having Yutu back brings a bit more spark to his soul. Yutu was so stressed out from all of the changes he was experiencing that meeting Orhto felt weirdly normal. What's weirder: having an artificial humanoid for an uncle, technically being part alien, having fire for hair, or having a spell that literally opens the gates of hell. Yutu is not taking option one that's for sure.

Ortho and Idia are the ones who propose going back in time, but when it's their Yutu who is making the journey the suggestion is extremely difficult to make. Idia doesn't like the idea of asking his son to do this, it feels selfish. But then, Idia also feels like bringing him into existence before he could break the family curse was selfish, no matter what Yutu was always going to be doomed. But that just means he should be the one taking responsibility for this... Ortho volunteers himself for the mission but Yutu points out that that would probably be even more dangerous than sending him. It's a tearful goodbye, everyone knows that if the missions succeeds this timeline will cease to exist and they will never get to see each other again. They have a little party at NRC and Idia takes Yutu aside to visit Yuu's grave, firstly so they can say goodbye and secondly because he has a confession to make

"I was mega cringe when I was at NRC." His dad can't even look him in the eyes, and Yutu swears he sees him shaking. He has to blink a few times to make sure he is seeing things right, this doesn't look like overworked dad, or stressed dad, or angry at something mundane dad. If he didn't know any better, he'd say he was-

"Well isn't everybody?" The tips of Idia's hair turn pink at the question and Yutu's quickly mirrors him from feeling like he's done something wrong. All he's done is repeat his dad's own advice back to him though. "You're always so cool and confident-" Idia wheezes and Yutu almost has to catch him. "I mean I'm sure you can't be bad as me-"

"Oh you are going to regret saying that." His dad can't really bring himself to elaborate further but the thousand yard stare does all the talking for him.

Idia! Yutu was given three very simple instructions by Uncle Ortho about going back in time:

1) don't try to lie to me about who you are, I will run scans and figure it out. Grandma and Grandpa finding out would probably be bad and just complicate things. Easy enough, having Uncle Ortho on his side makes the transition between future and past a lot easier. Current Ortho might be a lot more innocent? Naive? He isn't sure if those are the words he would use, but he is certainly less used to having a soul and being his own person than his Uncle is. Not that this makes him any less accepting of Yutu... if anything he is even more excited about him than he was in the future.

2) try to keep who you are a secret from Yuu, but get close to them. We need them to stay alive, even if we don't know why yet... Less easy than hanging out with Uncle Ortho, but still easy enough. I tend to write all Yutus as not fully realizing how much they missed or loved Yuu until they got to see the younger version of their parent... but out of all of them Idia! Yutu is certainly up there for just how hard it hits him. Mostly because of Rule 3:

3) I am so fucking sorry for what you're going to have to deal with please be patient with me!!! I promise I love you and your parent so much I'm just not going to know-

So that obviously came from Idia and not Ortho, but Yutu really disregarded that warning until he accidentally ran into his dad while trying to find Ortho and saw him take out a tablet? That he used to talk with and got very panicky about when he asked a very simple question about it. Uncle Ortho helpfully tells him later that Idia uses it to help him speak in public because of his anxiety, and is very pleased to learn Yutu has never seen him use it in the future. But that doesn't really change how things are now...

On the one hand, Yutu gets it. He has bad social anxiety himself, but because he had a very supportive parent who worked with him to challenge himself in healthy ways he never got to the point that Idia is. He also was a lot older when he had his first experience with a traumatic loss and had Idia (who is a bit too experienced) and Ortho (who is just so understanding) there to help him through it. He knew that was not the case for his dad, they talked about it a lot in the future because Idia felt like he had a right to know, but I don't think he fully comprehended how bad Idia's mental health was.

Because no matter how much he might get it, this guy is still his dad and Yutu really wants to interact with him. He wants to impress him and maybe finally beat his high score on Star Rogue, Yutu just knows there are a bunch of stories he never got to hear because his dad was too embarrassed to tell him and this is maybe his one chance to find all of them out. But his dad is such a shut in he barely even interacts with Yuu! Yutu was always way too embarrassed to ask him about how they got together and now he swears he'll never know because him being in Ramshackle seems to have scared his dad off.

That's only half true, Idia doesn't really see Yutu as a romantic rival... like Cater he assumes you are related in some way because of the similar appearances and tastes in manga. Even when the two of you deny it he shrugs it off, hey maybe Yutu is just you from a different reality? He thinks he read a manga like that once... either way not his monkey not his circus. But like. It could be, Ortho really does like to remind him that Yuu is much less judgemental than everyone else on campus so if he wanted to make some progress on his journey of self improvement talking to them might not be such a bad idea. wink wink nudge nudge! But going over there still means he has to interact with someone other than Yuu and Mr. Grim and that's stressful.

He doesn't think about it at all when Yutu keeps finding excuses to not be there when Ortho drags him to visit because of how relieved he is to not have to socialize with him, at first anyway. He notices when Ortho excuses himself too, they certainly seem to be buddy buddy which isn't something he's going to complain about but as Idia does get closer to Yuu and *ugh* admits to himself he's got some feelings he starts to feel like he should at least know something about the kid other than his name. He does not completely figure it out, but he notices all of the relevant data points before he's slapped in the face with who Yutu is.

Like Lilia! Yutu's reveal, I think Idia finds out about who Yutu is in the middle of a fight. Yuu gets injured by a really strange blot phatom Idia has never seen before and Yutu absolutely looses it. His hair flares up and for snaps his hood to cinders as he's roaring out spells and trying desperately to make sure that thing doesn't touch his parents. Something you both hear loud and clear.

At first this makes Idia beyond excited. He probably joins the little fit his son is throwing except in raw joy because he's fantasized so much about this! He even has a little sims save where Yuu and him are married and they've got a kid and a cat and wow just look at Yutu he looks even cooler in real life than he does in a life sim! Yuu look at him, you guys have a-

A kid. You have a kid. With him. One that's got his teeth and hair and your nose and is sobbing in his arms about how much he missed you both and doesn't want to watch you die again. The sheer worry eclipses his second hand embarrassment at his own smugness as he awkwardly holds on to the sobbing Yutu and looks towards you for help. He's never been good at this whole emotional comfort thing, pls assist. So you pick yourself up and join the group hug and all three of you just sort of sit there for a bit while Yutu tells his story. About growing up in your world, how he came to NRC and his friends in Heartslabyul (Idia is blaming that on you, as a joke ofc he doesn't care what house his kid is in), and the plan to go back in time because of how hopeless the future is. It's not a story Idia takes lightly, especially when Ortho confirms it and sends him all of the data he and Yutu have collected so far. Idia is a bit gloomy and prone to complaining, but if you are in a bad place there are few people more reliable. He is a lot like death in a way, he'll always be there in the end.

Idia is a bit awkward around Yuu for a bit after the reveal, I like to think of you as being newly together at this point so Idia hasn't really revealed just how... detailed some of his fantasies about you are just yet. There are a lot of them, he has uh. Maybe written some of them down, pleasedon'tmakehimreadthemoutloud and most of them are perfectly normal and respectable (lies). It stops when you tell him Yutu had to come from somewhere and he dies, buries himself under his covers, and rises again a changed man. Yeah that's right, his kid did come from somewhere NORMIES. He had se-

He's not super big into PDA but he is comfortable being clingy around Yutu and Ortho, though he tries not to be overly cheesy around Yutu. He hates seeing his parents be all lovey dovey with one another and he likes to keep his compliments quiet and for your ears only anyway. I do like the idea of Yuu being a tiny bit more outgoing and embarrassing him a bit around "the kids" (Grim and Yutu) so his hair is in a damn near permanent shade of pink any time he's around Ramshackle. It's one thing to have your younger brother think the world of you, but to have a kid think so highly of you that he travels back in time to save you from an apocalypse? Idia feels super unworthy, it fuels his determination to work out the "problem" Yutu has given him even if his natural pessimism makes him want to give up.

"... Just leave it to your dad." It's an echo of the only other promise he 100% intends to live up to. He really does mean it, Idia is not loosing this match. Just you wait and see...

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I’M STUCK ON THIS FUCKING PLANET. I’M STUCK ON THIS GODDAMN EARTH.

Tap photo for better quality

That’s right!! I’m talking even more about sinner bodies because I’m CRAZY!!! RAAHHH!! 🤪 SHES SO CRAZY WE CANT TAKE HER ANYWHERE!! 😝 it’s 3 in the morning and I can’t stop thinking about this goddamn TV.

I think Vox is genuinely the most fucked up character in this rewrite currently. Not really morally fucked up, there’s definitely worse people, but physical alterations in hell out of the main cast he definitely has it the worst. In my last post I talked about how Angel formed in hell and I want to go back to this because Vox did not form in hell as a TV or even a robot at all. He got formed on the road after dying in a car crash and was literally just this fucked up clump of wires and metal panels and had gross little robot hands and he had to make everything else himself and wait for his body to adjust to it, so he literally cannot regenerate normally. He didn’t even have a face yet or screen of any kind, just a little camera to see out of. If his screen shatters he needs to get a new one or if his body breaks he needs to get it repaired, thats why he’s able to upgrade his body and stuff.

And like yeah some tech sinners do just form as robots but Vox just is a fucking mess and I think about it all the time and thats why his demon form is all fucked up like that and I think thats partially another reason he hates Alastor’s ideals so much sometimes because hes like “technology bad!” even though he literally is also partially a tech sinner and hes just stupid but like without technological advancements Vox literally would have nothing like they wouldn’t’ve met, Vox would not have a company, etc, etc and thatd probably help a lot of people yeah like the Vees would not fucking exist but ignoring that, just on a personal relationship scale I imagine your “friend” being like “man I really hate the thing that gives you life and allows you to live a somewhat normal existence” hurts a bit.

Technological regeneration is a bit more confusing and hard to explain than biological regeneration since machinery can’t really “heal” in real life. The concept sounds almost bewildering, like you can’t cut a wire and have it slowly heal like skin would, you’d need a whole new wire. But Vox internally, the things that allow him to move and live how he does now, it’s the only part of him that he can heal, and to him, it’s still “defective”.

Vox is disabled mentally and physically; he has Autism, ADHD, and epilepsy, all of which he is unable to be medicated for due to his new body. These are all things that he hates to acknowledge and will become irrationally upset by if they are mentioned to the point he will actively to deny certain aspects of disability. Being a man from the 1900’s-1950’s his views on mental disabilities and mental illnesses are… less than uh.. “acceptable” for today’s standards. He often disregards slurs towards this being called slurs and insists that “They used to just be words” or “It’s a medical diagnosis.” yet still gets incredibly upset when he is ever called a slur that actually could apply to him. In a way he tries to come off as purposely ableist so that he doesn’t have to confront this aspect of himself that he doesn’t understand. His knowledge in technology or sharks or economics aren’t “special interests” to him, they’re just “regular things a man likes”. He can’t process what a hyperfixation is. He doesn’t know that it’s normal for him to be unable to speak on occasion or that certain textures make him severely uncomfortable. These are either seen as weaknesses or “average people things”. Aside from how terribly disabled people were treated back around the 50’s, he views the neurodiverse aspect of his mind as something that only serves to further push him from grasping the feeling of regular humanity again.

For physical disabilities, he doesn’t lie or deny that he has epilepsy, yes he has an intense disdain for mentioning it, but for very few people he is close with he will disclose this information to them privately. There are a very select few people that are aware of this and two of those people are Velvette and Alastor. This post isn’t really about diving into Vox’s epilepsy so I’m keeping this concise because I have another post to put all of that in. Hope you all enjoy the wacky art :)

The binary says “Trust us” for anyone curious

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers: 1x06 - Swish (Part 1)

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

I actually really like this episode... well, the Polin parts of this episode. There's so much to sink into!

Announcement

Before I jump into what's going to really occupy our time during this episode, I need to mention Simon and Daphne. Because there's this whole Whistledown commentary that sets the episode up, and the narrative talks a lot about how much Simon and Daphne are going to be missed now that they're married and hanging out in the country.

And I think it's a little funny -- in that the Daphne and Marina stories, until Daphne gets involved a little in the next episode, really have zero to do with each other. Colin ends up a little bit intertwined with stuff during the whole duel thing. But does Penelope ever have a conversation with Daphne? ...or the Duke? And I mean, I know we get Penelope watching with interest a little off in the sidelines, and we learn next season how much she loves being a part of society. But there is a real disconnect, sometimes, when it comes to what Lady Whistledown is saying and what is going on with Penelope.

It makes it a shame that Daphne didn't come back for Season 3. I would have loved to have seen Daphne's reaction. And I can't help but wonder what Penelope's relationship to Daphne actually is. She and Eloise are bffs -- and Daphne is the next closest in age. There are so many holes to fill in here.

That said, their stories are going to converge, at least thematically, at the end of this episode.

Anyway...

Interesting that Penelope is in wearing pink here -- when Marina is the one in Featherington yellow. Her sisters are, too, so I assumed it's a Portia mandate. But she looks so different here. (Also, Colin is in his solid Bridgerton Blue.)

Penelope is, as always, looking on from the sidelines. It's kind of hard to really pinpoint who she's looking at due the the cuts -- on one side, there's Colin and Marina, and Pen knows. She just knows stuff is going on that's going to make her sick. And then there's Eloise. Pen and Eloise have not made up yet. But Eloise is dying to talk to Pen. Because the Queen has asked her to find Whistledown. There's all of this news and speculation to be had. And it's hard for Eloise to be this on her own. She and Penelope have been inseparable for so long, and unmasking Whistledown is supposed to be both of their thing. But I mean, now is not the right place or the right time.

Colin gets everyone's attention to make a 'small' but 'rather important' announcement. It's just an interesting way to phrase it. It's important to him and his life and his dreams but isn't necessarily there to draw attention to himself (or Marina). Engagements are a really huge deal in this society, but I don't think Colin thinks his news is all that worthy of everything else that's going on. (Also, it's a literally short announcement, so maybe I'm reaching a little here.)

It's also interesting how contained he is here. It is a more formal setting. He's doing this whole announcement somewhat by the books, and therefor he does need to show some restraint. But also, while he is definitely happy, he doesn't necessarily understand the depths of joy he'll feel when he truly understands what love means.

Meanwhile, Marina is... fine. She's playing the part she's supposed to play and sells it as she should, but she's not over doing it. She's happy for her the fortune of her situation. But beyond fondness for Colin, there's no real affection, which makes this whole interaction feel so much more performative than genuine. (And it's supposed to feel that way. We, the audience, know this isn't going to work - and that slight edge of discomfort is there for a reason!)

(Also, quick note -- it is calculated that he does this out in public. It's so that it can't be rebutted. It's out there. People know. It's happening. And to suggest otherwise, especially in public, would be somewhat scandalous. And Colin knows this -- which is why he handles it this way.)

The Featheringtons are all overjoyed. Except, you know, the one who is going to break down crying. Notice Penelope is standing far away from the rest of her family? She is not a part of them. Nor is she a Bridgerton. She's on her own and absolutely devastated. (But she is not without power. She's having her emotional reaction now -- but this just pushes her further to figure out a way to stop it from happening.)

She's not the only one who isn't happy. Neither Violet or Anthony are thrilled by this news either. But they're both older and wiser and probably understand that Colin's youth is perhaps a reason for such a hasty announcement. (One that wasn't communicated to either one of them before, so it feels like a shock when they hear about it now.)

Which leads us straight into the next scene, which might be one of my favorites in all of Season 1...

Anthony

So, I really love this argument, it's so rich with stuff to break down.

Alright, so, Anthony hauls Colin into his study, and notice the first thing is their stances? The first thing Colin does is go to his chair and slouch down -- like a child being hauled into the principal's office, waiting to be yelled at. It also speaks to the fact that Anthony has probably been, and felt like, a father to the rest of his siblings. Anthony might be going through his own things, but he does still care, and he does feel responsibility for all of them.

This is probably not the first time Anthony's brought him in there to scold him, either. And in fact, Colin was waiting for it. When Anthony asks what he was thinking the first thing Colin does is play it off flippantly, stating he knew Anthony wouldn't care to hear it. And Anthony calls him out on not taking it seriously. Because as much as Colin thinks he is being serious (and more on that in a moment), his attitude and demeanor suggest otherwise, and Anthony knows this.

Colin, being the third child, is trying to find his place, and trying to assert some independence by not only asking Marina to marry him without consulting anyone else, but by announcing it the same way. He doesn't want Anthony's permission because he doesn't feel like he needs it. He wants to establish himself on his own, away from his family.

Anthony also brings up that Violet didn't take it that well. It's funny that Colin says that his mother was fine, and accepts whatever kind congratulations Violet gave them while they were out in society. But Anthony knows Violet isn't thrilled, not matter how much is wanting to accept her kindness.

But all this conversation about what is and isn't good for the family is somewhat besides the point...

Anthony states at the beginning of this conversation that Colin barely knows her. And that is true - despite Colin's protests otherwise. Sure, they've been courting for some weeks, but Colin is only seeing what he wants to see. He doesn't really know Marina (and she's really fine with that).

Anthony then asks, basically, if he's fooled around with her and this is why they need to get married and we get one of my favorite Colin lines "certainly not, I'm a gentleman". He's so cocky and smug about it. It cracks me up every time.

But this whole following argument I just love, because not only does it show the differences between Anthony and Colin, and how Colin feels differently from his brothers (and probably a lot of the rest of the young men of the ton) but Anthony is speaking truths here as well -- in that Colin's inexperience is going to be his downfall.

Anthony asks if she isn't compromised, why is he doing this, and Colin simply states -- for love. The interesting part is that he frames it as if everyone just marries for love. Because that's what his mother has been drilling into him for forever. Because that's the type of guy he is, love is the most important thing, and why would anyone not marry if not for love? It's a simple thing to Colin.

And that is one thing that does make him different from his brothers and from his 'friends'. He has no desire to do what Anthony (or Simon, or Benedict, or Fife...) is doing, fooling around with girls, not having any desire for real attachment. It's something that Colin craves. The basis of his romantic fantasies is a grounded love.

However, Anthony is going to have a valid point coming up. He calls Colin green. And he is. He's inexperienced with relationships. He doesn't really know what love is yet. He is young, and full of fantasies, and while eager to settle down and have a family the way his parents did is very much a goal, Anthony isn't wrong when in his commentary. It is important for Colin to gain some experience when it comes to matters of the heart.

(And honestly, this is why I do love the developments of Season 3 Colin. This is why I think it is important that he got to have those experiences, and learned what he really does and doesn't want. It's also why I think it's important he's going to get his heart smashed here soon. Because he's going to gain both growth and perspective through it.)

The thing about Anthony, though, is that he's crude when dealing with his brothers. Mentioning brothels, calling sex 'wetting your wick' and sowing wild oats has Colin rolling his eyes hard. But then outright calling Marina a chit is really the last straw. Anthony's also not wrong that in his warning that marrying the first girl you have feelings for isn't the best choice. But the way he dismissively goes about it is why Colin gets so angry, and why it's going to backfire on Anthony.

Colin wants to be respected. He wants to be taken seriously. He wants his feelings to be taken seriously. And Anthony isn't doing any of that. On top of that, Colin has seen how Anthony is with women, and calls Anthony out on some of his own shit -- claiming he can't fathom true attachment. Obviously, that's not entirely true -- Anthony's issues are a bit more complicated than basic commitment issues. But it is an observation that can get under Anthony's skin and Colin knows this.

Anthony calls Coin a child. Colin throws back that Daphne is younger and she's married now, but Anthony claims that it is different. And it is. Daphne is more emotionally mature at that point, and probably does understand matters of the heart on a more realistic level. (That's even ignoring all the societal differences between men and women, too.)

And I want to mention how the power dynamics of the scene have shifted. Colin gets up, he's been flippant and chill up until Anthony calls Marina a 'chit' but then Colin is up in arms in anger. He is very protective about those he cares about. But then Anthony is the one to sit and stay calm. Anthony is the one firmly in control, while Colin is the one being over emotional.

But Anthony does get in a heated moment back at Colin -- calling him immature. And the two of them realize they've reached an impasse in the conversation.

Notice, after Anthony raises his voice, they both settle into a more formal speech pattern, and adhere to more formal roles. Colin apologizes for not doing things properly, and wishes for his brother's blessing. Anthony won't give it, and Colin states he's disappointed. They both knew this is how the conversation would go, but they're going through the polite formalities of it now.

Colin is truly disappointed, though. He does wish his brother would see him as his own independent person. He does wish that people would recognize he sees the world in another way. And he does feel different than the other men in his world. And reconciling that is sometimes hard.

Ah man, this is such a great scene, and I love it to pieces. It sets up so much about Colin (and Anthony) as a character, and is a great starting point, in a lot of ways, as we're going to see it develop. Colin's going to change, but the basis of who he is -- his drive to find his place in life, his big, romantic heart, those are a part of who he is. He just... as Anthony is somewhat stating in this scene, needs to grow up to really figure it out.

[graveyard-stray]

Carl Grimes - SFW alphabet

Word count: 2,015

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Carl can be really affectionate. He has gone through a lot and lost so many people so when he finds someone he loves, he doesn’t wanna let you go, so he is definitely just a bit clingy and protective. Expect lots of hand holding, hugs, and just general physical contact often.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He would be a great friend. He is naturally very loyal so you don’t have to worry about that. And despite his seriousness in needed situations, in his down time he can be pretty funny.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Carl definitely likes to cuddle. He likes to hold you, because he can make sure that he’s protecting you and that your safe. But he also likes to little spoon on occasion, when something bad has happened or when he’s missing his mom more than usual.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

If the apocalypse ever ends he would absolutely love to settle down with you. He would love a sweet house and maybe some kids if you want them, but if you don’t want kids he wouldn’t be too torn up about it. He’s good at cleaning and not so good at cooking. There are a few meals he can cook but generally speaking he’s pretty poor.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He would definitely be super nervous about it, he’s kind to fault and would probably try to break it to you as gently as possible. Unless you’ve done something horrible- then he has his sympathy and breaks it off coldly.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Carl definitely wants to get married. He loves the idea of promising to love you forever and ever. His loyalty means he has no issues committing to you and you alone for the rest of his life. He’s young but with everything going on he doesn’t know when either of you could die, so he definitely wouldn’t mind getting married despite you both being teenagers.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Carl is very kind and he is gentle with you, in all aspects. He tries to be attentive with your emotions and tries to understand you whenever he can. Physically he is only ever rough with you if there is danger, if he needs to pull you out of the way of something (or anything like that)

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Like I said before Carl is pretty clingy so he definitely likes hugs. Especially when one of you get back after a run, or after a visit from Negan, or really anytime ever. If you ever just want a hug he will give it to you no questions asked. Whenever he is upset he won’t ask but he will just come up and hug you because it helps him feel better.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Carl is definitely nervous about you leaving him or dying. So he wants to say he loves you quickly because he does and he what’s to make sure you know it, just incase, but he is nervous. He is nervous that if he says it too fast he will scare you away and you’ll leave. That all being said it definitely takes a bit for him to actually say it, but he will feel it for a while before he says anything.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He isn’t too jealous. Sometimes he can get a bit jealous of like Ron and you since he doesn’t like Ron, but since you guys are really the only teenagers in the group there is no one to get jealous of anyway.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He looooves to kiss your forhead. He’s a big fan of a good peck on the forhead when he’s about to leave for a run, or your about to seperate to your own homes to go to bed.

When he is kissing you on the lips he often means for it to be a quick peck but then it’s ends up being just one long (closed mouth) kiss that’s just very innocent and loving. He just truly cannot get enough of you, he loves you so much. He likes to put his hands on your face or on the back of your head when you kiss.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Since he has Judith, he is great with kids. He really likes them and finds them adorable and funny. Anytime he sees any kid he is automatically bending down to their level and introducing himself to the child. He knows what it’s like to be a small kid in this horrible apocalypse, so he wants to make them feel even a little more positive.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He is naturally not a morning person but since he’s got so much work to do to help the group he gets up early and gets over it. He always has the craziest bed head since his hair is so long and so thick.

He’s always a little groggy in the morning and if he sees you while he is still sleepy and waking up, he is a lot softer and a lot more clingy. Hugging you from behind when he sees you and burying his face in the crook of your neck to rest his eyes away from the light.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He can stay up late even if he has been doing stuff all day. He knows it isn’t good for him but he’s pretty used to running on only a few hours of sleep. Since he’s been on high alert for so long with being on the road and at risk of walkers any moment, he often finds himself awake at night unable to sleep.

If it’s getting bad and he truly cannot sleep despite his tiredness, he might come find you- being with you has always helped relax him so laying in bed with you helps him fall asleep faster.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Carl is a pretty trusting person, so once he has deemed he can trust you (which as long as your a decent person shouldn’t take too long) he will start sharing more about himself. His past and his secrets and what not.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

For carl it really depends. If he is already in a bad mood it’s easy for him to snap and have a bit of an outburst.

On the regular though he can be pretty calm. Negan could yell in his face and he won’t even flinch.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Carl remembers the little things. He is good at remembering the random things you’ve mentioned liking once. Then when be goes on runs he will see things he knows you like and grab them for you.

He loves hearing about you, your hobbies and interests, what your life was like before the outbreak. The more he can know the better.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moments are the little ones. Everything is always so hectic so when he just gets some time alone with you it means the world to him. When you guys sit outside and stare at the stars in the sky, or when you go on walks with Judith in her little stroller. All of it helps keep him sane in the bad times.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He is so protective. He has lost so many people and doesn’t want to lose you. He would jump in front of a walker if it meant saving you.

He is also protective against people. When Negan’s gang comes to Alexandria for the first time if one of his gross workers tries to hit on you he will be so quick to shut that down.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

It’s hard planning dates and giving gifts with the given situation, but he does his best. Most of the dates he plans are simple but the thought counts, and the gifts are things he finds while on runs that remind him of you or that he thinks you will like.

He loves to help you with any of your chores though, he likes the time spent together and feels like doing things for you proves his feelings.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Sometimes he can be a bit invalidating about how you feel. He tries not to and when you point it out he feels bad but sometimes he just can’t understand how you can focus on him being close to Enid when there is an apocalypse going on!

He shuts down after the loss of his eye. He becomes mean and angry and closes himself off, even to you. Don’t be shocked if he throws some mean words your way about not needing you and wanting you to leave him alone- even if your just trying to help. It’s not from a place of malice though. He is worried because he loves you and thinks you’ll find him disgusting without an eye.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He does like to look good for you, and after he loses his eye he is worried that you will find him ugly and leave him, but once you assure him you love him no matter what he lightens up a bit. Not minding if you see him with messy bed head or when he’s sick and looks like a corpse.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Your his best friend and since you’ve started traveling together he is so used to being around you all the time, so when he isn’t with you and can’t protect you he feels worried and like he is forgetting something all the time.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He literally will be obsessed with you if you love comics like he does. He would be so happy if he had a S/O who loves superhero’s and nerdy stuff just like him and he could spend hours talking with you about all the comics you guys read. He would love to go out and find comics of the heroes you like

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn’t like if your careless with your life. If your going out and doing risky things all the time it freaks him out and he can’t even imagine losing you. If you do anything risky he might get upset and yell at you or project any of the negative feelings onto you. But don’t worry, he will apologize later once he is less shaken up about almost losing you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He is a heavy sleeper. On the road he was a light sleeper out of necessity but once you get to Alexandria once he finally falls asleep he is out like a light!

[world0fmadness]

THE FAME

varg “ count grishnackh ” vikernes x musician! reader | bård “ faust ” eithun x musician! reader

♡ general dating headcanons for varg and faust with a musician partner!

୨୧ hope you like this anon, i figured i’d just do both varg and faust for you because you were so sweet in your request <3

♡ requested by anon | related hc available here and here | view my metal masterlist here

reading music recommendations: government hooker by lady gaga - six underground by sneaker pimps

VARG “ COUNT GRISHNACKH ” VIKERNES

♡ if you’re actually a more popular musician than varg, i can see him being slightly jealous at the start of your newfound fame…

୨୧ he doesn’t act on his jealousy but deep down, it’s definitely there! sometimes he just feels a bit of envy… he burned all those churches and you’re still more popular than him having never done that? seriously?

♡ but i can see him getting over his jealousy pretty fast and being more proud than anything, he thinks you’re just such a perfect match for him! i mean, you’re both incredibly talented musicians and you’re recognised as such

୨୧ he truly believes you were put on this earth to be a musician and be his partner, it was your calling in life!

♡ he loves sitting with you and talking about lyrics or instrumentals, bouncing ideas back and fourth between each other seamlessly

୨୧ varg is brutally honest, if you show him a demo of a song you’re working on and he doesn’t like it he’ll tell you straight up

♡ he really tries his best to not be mean about it though! he makes sure to soften his voice a little

୨୧ varg has at least three of your tapes in his car at ALL times! does not matter what type of music you make, he wants to hear your beautiful voice

♡ when you’re performing at a concert, he’s always waiting for you backstage with open arms and a sizeable bouquet of flowers!

୨୧ usually a mix of red and dyed black roses! he can be super romantic but only with you <3

♡ you could genuinely get this stubborn man to listen to the most intensely “ girly ” hyper pop as long as it was your voice…

୨୧ if you go to recording studios instead of just using your bedroom and terrible recording equipment, please let him pay for it!

♡ his parents literally give him so much disposable money and he really wants to pay for it, you’re his girlfriend! why wouldn’t he want to pay for you?

୨୧ if you wear pretty extravagant outfits on stage, he’ll always help you out with them! you give him little fashion shows in your shared apartment as he sits back on the couch, giving his opinion on what outfit will work best

“ hm… i’m not so sure about this one, it looks a little tight, no? mmm… too boring, next one? ” ( he takes this so seriously, it honestly have you a shock at first )

♡ when you need help with actually preparing the outfit, like tightening a corset or tying the back, he’ll do it with no hesitation and place kisses on the nape of your neck whilst doing it! when he’s done, he’ll drift his hands lower down your hips and give them a gentle squeeze, signalling that it’s done

୨୧ if you ever have groupies, male or female, varg is so baffled! who the hell do they think they are? they think you’d ever give them the time of day? what a joke

♡ you’ve had to physically restrain him from throwing hands with wannabe groupies multiple times, including some female ones because he really doesn’t give a shit about gender if you’re trying to come onto his partner

୨୧ if varg ever spots a music magazine with you on the cover, he snatches it up and buys it so fast! coming home and showing it to you with a smirk on his face… if anyone was to see the amount of things he owns featuring you, they’d probably assume he was just an obsessed fan or something

“ hey, baby! look what i found at the petrol station, this is your latest one, right? ” ( he adds it to a whole stack of music magazines featuring you on the coffee table )

♡ he has almost all, if not all, of the magazines you’ve ever covered on or even just had a small section in

୨୧ if you ever write a song about him or for him, he’s so… actually happy, like really happy

♡ when you first told him you’d wrote a song about him or for him, he was so smug but when he actually got to listen to it?

୨୧ that smug attitude was thrown right out of the window! he’s so soft on you and can’t really, truly believe you love him enough to write a whole song for him

♡ don’t tell anyone but the song is his all time favourite now, of any musician! he listens to it all the time, mumbling the lyrics under his breath and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel when he’s in his car…

BÅRD “ FAUST ” EITHUN

♡ y’know how i said varg would be slightly jealous at the start of your fame starting to overpass his?

୨୧ yeah, faust isn’t like that at all!

♡ faust is so so so proud of you right from the start! when you first started dating him, you were still a pretty super small musician, but when you start really drawing in attention and selling way more tapes and CDs, he is so over the moon for you <3

୨୧ i just know he’d hype up you up so much before you’re going on stage, telling you that you look amazing and admiring you

♡ he’s never missed a single one of your shows from the time you began dating!

୨୧ literally, not a single one! he’ll put everything on hold to watch you perform, always cheering the loudest

♡ in your early days, whenever you needed to take promo pictures or album covers, faust would take the pictures for you! you couldn’t really afford a photographer so why not just hand a camera to your boyfriend?

୨୧ faust obviously isn’t a professional and has pretty limited experience with taking pictures but for you? he definitely tries his best! always telling you that you look beautiful from behind the camera and smirking when you pull a risqué pose

♡ similarly with varg, you like showing faust your demo work and asking his opinion on songs you’re not too sure about

୨୧ however he’s just too soft on you! he doesn’t want to tell you if he doesn’t think a song sounds that great :(

♡ he’ll try so hard to say that it sounds great but you’re not stupid… you can see that he’s lying through his teeth and just tell him to quit his bullshit

୨୧ so he does, but he’s super apologetic! as if not thinking it sounds too good is just entirely his fault

“ i’m sorry, pretty girl… it might just be me! it probably is, maybe it’s just too different for me, i’m not sure… but your voice is beautiful, still! ” ( he doesn’t think it’s really possible for your voice to be anything but beautiful )

♡ if you play an instrument as well as sing, or just play an instrument, faust is all over that!

୨୧ he’ll always snag some supplies for your instrument whenever he’s about and about! you don’t ever need to worry about getting some more picks or drumsticks with him, he’s way ahead of you all the time

♡ faust absolutely convinces euronymous to sell some of your music in helvete! doesn’t matter what genre of music you make, faust would probably threaten to quit if he didn’t sell your music

୨୧ whenever he rings up customers, he’ll always mention your music, asking if they’ve heard any of your stuff or if they want to buy one of your tapes! literally your personal door to door salesman, bugging people all the damn time

“ oh! have you listened to them yet? they’re very good… y’wanna buy one of their tapes? you should, i mean you’d probably like it, y’know? ” ( he’s so pushy with it too and euronymous always just rolls his eyes whilst watching from the office doorway )

♡ faust has DEFINITELY done the drums for some of your songs! if you aren’t in a band but want some drums in the back and don’t play yourself, why would you not have your boyfriend play them for you?

୨୧ he’s never really too jealous of fans and wannabe groupies, you talk about him enough to where he knows very well that they know you’re happily in a relationship and he knows you’d never leave him or cheat on him like that

♡ but he can get just a tiny bit jealous if you have a lot of male fans, especially when you take pictures with them as concerts

୨୧ he cannot get over it when you ask him to play them for your song, like you want to show him off? show his talent off? oh my god it nearly breaks his brain

♡ it’s the same when you mention him and his band in magazine interviews!

୨୧ like, oh wow, you’re actually talking about him and your relationship! you don’t want to hide your relationship with him or anything, you’re telling people to listen to emperor and raving about his drumming! he has to stop himself from putting a ring on your finger

♡ he definitely has a bracelet with your name or your stage name on it and you have one with his band name on it…

[lovelytsunoda]

emergency contact // mercedes ( ii )

summary: in the sequel to 'you're on your own kid', y/n makes the first step in breaking out of her shell and overcoming her anxiety by attending her first race with the mercedes team. unfortunately for her, all it takes is four hours and a few text messages with a certain f2 driver to make things all come crashing down again.

things that i want, this happily ever after, you choke on your words just to swallow them after, asleep on the couch while you're passed out in the back, i just want you to be my emergency contact

pairing: platonic! mercedes amg f1 x reader, brief liam lawson x reader (unrequited)

warnings:anxiety and loneliness, fear of dying alone. unrequited love & miscommunication between liam and y/n, this one drags the f2 idiots into this disaster, heavy drinking

author's note: all i have to say is i'm sorry for inflicting emotional pain on you guys through this series, because it's totally becoming a series: merc helping baby intern navigate being an adult.writing fics on tumblr is cheaper than going to therapy and makes me feel better than going to therapy does. that's a joke, by the way.

breathe, y/n. just breathe

that's the mantra that she repeats to herself as she walks into the paddock, watching the frantically moving figures scramble around in front of her. it was overwhelming, the atmosphere like something that she had never experienced before.

truth be told, it scared her a little bit.

"just breathe, beautiful. you're safe." angela cullen encouraged, putting a reassuring hand on the young law clerk's shoulder.

"there's a lot of people here." she laughed nervously as the pair kept walking towards the mercedes hospitality suite. "i forgot that the filthy rich fans are also allowed back here."

you don't belong here. the voice in her head was back, the one that made her want to curl back into herself. it took forever for her to get to the point where she agreed to come with the team to a race. it was just silverstone, something very much local because she was still too anxious to fly overseas. susie had thought that it would be a good way for her to get to know people within the motorsports world, a way to become more comfortable with herself and the mercedes team.

"you'll be fine." angela encouraged. "if you keep your head down and keep walking quickly, you'll be at the garage before you know it."

most of the week leading up to silverstone had been spent with nyck, susie and angela, as george, toto and lewis were so busy getting race-ready. they'd done a day in london all as a team, a film camera sitting in her backpack was filled with pictures of her and the drivers doing all of the cheesy touristy things.

it had been the best week of her life.

but she knew that once it was over, it was back to normalcy. back to frozen tesco pizza and reruns of 'benidorm'. of course, her life had improved vastly since lewis and george had welcomed her into the group. she's started having monthly girls nights with susie and angela, and sometimes naomi schiff came along as well. they'd get their nails done and go out for dinner and drinks. it got y/n out of the house, and it made her feel like she was a part of something.

this was a feeling she had been chasing since she graduated high school.

a feeling that almost made the pain of watching all of her old friends move on with their lives: getting boyfriends and girlfriends, moving in with their partners, going out every other night with their large friend groups, and even getting married.

and it really hurt her to watch, knowing that everyone else was moving on but she was still stuck in the same place.

really, she just wanted to be loved.

"hey, kiddo!" toto waved to her as she and angela went into the garage.

the austrian had become a proper substitute for her father now that she was living on her own. all that toto wanted was for y/n to feel secure and comfortable with her job at the team. he was constantly making sure that she felt included, sometimes letting her in on things that not even the lawyers got to see just yet. despite his imposing appearance and his brash attitude, he was a big softie.

"hey, toto." she exhaled a breath, leaning in to give the team principal a hug. "thanks for inviting me along, really."

"anytime. hopefully this has been a good week for you, and maybe you'll consider coming to some of the races that are further from home, a little more outside of that comfort zone of yours?"

"i hope so too." she smiled sadly. "where do you need me today?"

"it's qualifying today, so we need all hands on deck. we've been struggling a little with pace this weekend, but i think we have a shot at the front row." toto began, passing y/n a set of headphones. "usually the crew who aren't needed during the qualifying brackets hang out in the back. i think george's girlfriend is back there too, if you'd feel more comfortable around carmen."

"thank you, toto. really, i don't think i can say it enough." y/n gushed, twirling the cord for the headphones around her ring finger.

toto smiled. "any time, kid."

she walked to the back corner of the garage, talking to some of the engineers and a few of the pit crew members on her way. the crew had welcomed her with open arms. she couldn't remember a time when she had felt more loved, but the void was still there.

she ached to be loved romantically. to be understood, treasured. for another person to want to spent the rest of his life by her side. to one day get dressed up in a nice white dress, and walk down the aisle in an old cathedral or a castle or a library and officially spend the rest of her life with someone she loved by her side.

"good luck out there, lewis." she tried to push the usual existential crisis out of her mind, giving the right-time world champion a tight hug before moving on to george, who could drape his whole lanky body over her if he tried. "you too, russell george. go kick some red bull ass, yeah?"

"you can bet we'll try!" george laughed.

"hey, if you get overwhelmed at all, the back door is right there." lewis said softly, nodding his head in the direction of a heavy metal door hidden in the wall, a fluorescent exit sign posted above.

"as long as you stick with carmen, you'll be in good hands." george agreed. "just stay within your comfort zone, don't push yourself too much."

"that was the plan. being here is out of the comfort zone enough. good luck, guys." she said again, moving to stand next to carmen montero in the back of the garage.

whenever she went to events where susie wasn't around and the drivers were busy, she always found herself gravitating towards carmen. she barely knew george's girlfriend except for the fact that carmen was normal and hardworking just like she was and that this world as as new to carmen as it was to y/n.

the first qualifying session ended, and the cars returned to the garages while the commentators reset the clock. the merc garage was suddenly a hub of activity, and y/n couldn't help but notice how her anxiety was spiking as she took off the headphones and reached for her purse.

"everything okay?" carmen asked softly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

y/n nodded. "just need some breathing room. i'm going to run and get a hot chocolate from hospitality. do you want anything?"

carmen shook her head. "don't worry about me, love."

y/n slipped out of the garage through the back door, pulling her aviator sunglasses over her eyes against the british sun. there was a slight breeze in the paddock that had her pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her knuckles. the paddock was calmer now, save for the five drivers who hadn't made it through to q2 hanging their heads as they made their way back to their hospitality suites.

"hi, y/n!" alexander albon waved, a bright smile on his face. she'd only ever met alex once or twice, because the williams driver was so close with george. but alex had welcomed her immediately.

"hey, alex. it's a pity about q1."

"eh, i drive a williams." alex shrugged. "what can you do?"

as alexander headed back towards the williams garage, y/n headed towards the hot chocolate vendor, lining up behind mechanics and engineers, hospitality workers and pr reps who were trying to warm up from the cold. though the calendar declared that it should have been the summer, it felt like the spring, a damp kind of cold seeping into everybody's bones.

as she walked back to the garage with a paper cup warming her hands, she stopped to talk to a group of boys sitting on a patio table near the mercedes hospitality suite after frederik vesti waved her over.

fred had driven in f2 that morning, a qualifying that saw him starting in the middle of the pack.

"oi, fred, don't you have a debreif to be at?" y/n joked, playfully pushing him in the side as she took a seat next to him at the table.

"oh, fuck off." the junior driver laughed. "y/n, this is dennis, liam, clement, marcus and jack, they're some of my mates from f2."

as the boys waved at her one by one, she knew exactly why frederik had waved her over.

he was trying to get her to make friends.

"so, what brings someone like you out to the paddock? i don't think that we've seen you 'round here before." the blond that fred had pointed out as liam spoke first.

he had a kiwi accent that made y/n's legs go weak, her heart beating faster in her chest as she nervously combed her hair behind her ear. "i work in the legal department. i don't know a lot about how things actually work around here, i just help file the paperwork for it."

"oh, so she's a smart one." clement cheered, raising his glass of sprite for a toast. "we need more people like you around here."

talking to the boys gradually became easier. it was a relief for y/n, to see that people were so thrilled about having her around, that they seemed to like her so quickly, with no strings attached. people who wouldn't expect anything from her, but just enjoyed talking to her.

it felt amazing to be appreciated, to be liked by people who weren't obligated to.

"i should head back. q2 is almost over, and i should see if toto needs me." she said, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the laughter from one of clement's jokes. "but this has been really great, guys. really."

"what's your instagram?" marcus asked, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "we'll put you in the group chat." he passed her the phone, not missing the way that her face lit up as she searched for her own profile in the app, adding herself to marcus' f2 group chat.

"we were all going out later." liam added. "it's nothing much, just a way to decompress before the weekend starts. you're more than welcome to join us, if you wanted to."

"really?" she couldn't stop her face from breaking out in a grin. "i wouldn't want to trouble you guys."

"it's no trouble. i insist."

"okay. text me the details, and i'll be there."

________

the evening rolled around fast. she stood in front of the closet mirror in her room of the rented mercedes villa, running her hands over her thighs before proceeding to scrutinize the rest of her appearance in the mirror. frederik had promised to drive her, and she wanted to be ready before he threw on some cologne and grabbed his car keys from the kitchen counter.

there was a soft knock on her door, and after y/n gave permission for the person on the other side to open it, susie wolff stepped into the room.

“you look great, kiddo.” she said with a smile. “remember to have fun tonight, okay? just be yourself.”

“in the past, that hasn’t exactly worked out for me.” y/n sighed, rolling up the sleeves of her form/fitting long sleeves shirt to spray her arms with a bath and body works spray.

“and if you feel like coming home early, don’t hesitate to call me or angela, alright hon?”

y/n laughed, reaching for the small quartz necklace she had draped over the airbnb's dresser. she'd be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. although marcus, clement, liam and dennis seemed to like her, she was still nervous about going out with them all, being thorwn headfirst into a night out with a group of drivers that have spotty reputations.

"thanks, susie. for everything." and she truly meant it. the wolff's had been so important into making her field placement feel like home, and not just another thing she needed to do to get her diploma.

she followed susie downstairs, where frederik was talking to one of the engineers, a glass of sparkling water in his hand and a set of keys dangling from his fingers.

"ready to go?" the frenchman asked, pushing away from the counter. "marcus is wondering where we are."

"hang on, hang on." nyck de vries laughed, cutting the junior driver off midsentence. "it's baby's first night out! we need to remember this!"

the intern rolled her eyes. the entire scenario reminded her of how her parents acted when she went to prom. susie backed away and y/n attempted to pose against the cinnamon colored wall as toto got his phone out. she locked eyes with nyck behind the counter, mouthing the words 'fuck you, shortass' before going back to smiling at toto.

"have fun tonight, kiddo." lewis said with a bright smile, his voice calming her down as the seven time world champion patted her gently on the shoulder. "and please try and stop frederik from doing something stupid."

"oi!" fred shouted through laughter. "come on, we should get going before clement gets too drunk."

"don't scare the poor girl!" toto scolded. "you will be fine. and if any of them do anything you don't like, i'll have words with them."

________

the club was hazy, shrouded in purple lights. the drivers had rented out a private room in the back corner of the building. her chest felt tighter as she followed frederik, the anxiety beginning to set in.

fred reached for her hand. "you've got this. they don't bite. clem is a little feral, but if you're firm with him he'll leave you alone."

she nodded. "okay. here goes nothing."

when the door opened, she had to take a minute to take in what was happening. clement novalak and dennis hauger were doing shots at a table in the middle of the room while the rest of the f2 grid were gathered around them (save for a brazilian with a mane of hair who was sitting in the corner, making out with a girl of about twenty) chanting 'shots, shots, shots' before dennis tapped out and clement howled with victory.

oh dear lord, what am i doing here? she wondered, taking in the chaos unfolding in front of her.

"hey, dickheads!" fred shouted. "i want you to meet someone!"

activity around the table stilled, dennis and clement cheering when they say y/n.

and she'd be lying if she said that their enthusiasm didn't make her feel a little warm and fuzzy on the insides.

"woah, she's hot." a swiss guy with curls of blonde hair framing his face looked over, slurring his words slightly. he was likely the drunkest out of all of them, a vape pen sticking out of his jeans pocket.

"fuck off, ralph! she's the same age as dennis, don't make this weird." marcus laughed, stealing one of the remaining shots from dennis' side of the table.

"that's ralph boshung, he's our version of fernando alonso. he's twenty-five and he's shite, but he brings camps money." dennis laughed, throwing one tattooed arm over y/n's shoulders. "he's a dick, but he's harmless."

"pleasure." she croaked as she moved closer to the table. "now who'd everybody else?"

"right, so that's roy, logan, jehan, amaury, marino, enzo, richard, theo, ayumu, zane, calan, olli, the one in the corner there is felipe-"

that's too many people. she felt overwhelmed, but she wasn't quite sure how to tell dennis that. some of the guys she recognized from the pictures they used as their profile pictures on the group chat, and others she'd never seen before.

"do you want a shot?" clement asked, draping his body over hers as he held the small tequila glass in front of her face.

"i'm good." she said calmly, shaking her head as she sat down in the booth, taking a seat next to who she assumed was zane maloney. "i don't really drink, can't stand the taste of alchohol."

zane snorted. "smart choice. trust me, these lot do a lot of funny shit when they're drunk."

"clem is a riot when he's wine drunk. he'll start randomly speaking french, or change his accent midsentence." jehan added with a laugh. "it's so fucking funny."

the song playing outside changed, and the boys let out a cheer.

"boys, to the dance floor!" ralph yelled, pointing towards the door as he slipped his sunglasses on his face for no other reason than to try and look cool.

and suddenly the room was practically empty: a mjorty of the drivers had departed for the dance floor, felipe's woman had vanished, and suddenly there were only four of them in the room: felipe, y/n, dennis and marcus.

"you two don't usually stay behind when those idiots go to make bad decisions and piss their trainers off." felipe remarked, looking at marcus and dennis. "are you sure you're all right?"

marcus shrugged. "we don't want y/n sitting in here on her own, do we? that's not why we invited her out."

"thank you, for that. i'm not a club kind of person, in case you couldn't already notice. too many people, too many things going on. it overwhelms me."

"no worries!" dennis insisted. "trust me, you don't want to be out there right now anyways. do you want anything to drink, even just like a soda or something?"

"a sprite would be nice."

"get the woman a sprite!" felipe shouted, shoving the two other driver's out of the booth. "go on, what are you lads here for?"

they all laughed as marcus and dennis fought over who would have the horror of walking over to the bar and ordering the soft drink. dennis ended up losing, the norwegian cursing jokingly at marcus before he slipped out of the room, music still shaking the drywal.

all throughout the night, the drivers seemed to rotate staying with y/n, keeping her company or splitting a plate of fries with her. they all genuinely seemed like nice people and she was almost glad that she had let frederik convince her that coming out tonight was a good idea.

"you should dance!" liam insisted, stealing the last greasy french fry from the ceramic plate. "come on, what are you so scared of?"

"uh, making a fool out of myself? ending up on a formula two gossip page? or worse, a wags page where the comments section get into fights with each other trying to figure out which one of you idiots i was here with in the first place and who i went home with or who i had a threesome with?"

liam cackled. "does your brain ever slow down?"

"not at all." she answered, dead serious. her brain was a very scary place to be.

"come on, get out of your head for a little bit. you only live once, baby merc."

y/n grinned, hoping that the dim lights did something to hide the blush on her face. "baby merc? did frederik tell you that toto calls me that?"

"he might have mentioned it." liam grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "so, what do you say?"

y/n shook her head, crossing her arms before leaning back in her seat. "i don't even like this kind of music."

liam raised an eyebrow. "that can be easily fixed."

she was about to say something back when she finally recognized one of the songs on the stereo. when 'spice up your life' by the spice girls started to play, she couldn't stop her face from breaking into a grin.

"come on now, you have to dance!" liam insisted as the door slid open and clement novalak came in, sashaying his hips as he walked up to the tables.

"it's the spice girls!" the frenchman shouted. "you are legally obligated to dance, baby merc!"

with both clement and liam trying to convince her, there wasn't any fight left to try and talk them, or herself, out of it. "fine. you guys get one song. one."

she said one song, but the way she felt when she finally got out there, dancing with the group of boys, singing the spice girls at the top of their lungs as liam took her by the hand. she felt alive, a smile threatening to tear her skin apart.

she took out her phone, swiveling the camera to face them all as they screamed the chorus, the boys drunk and sweaty and rambunctious, a glow over her skin that she didn't recognize.

the glow of confidence and contentment.

________

when she and fred got back to the villa, she felt giddy as she ran back up the stairs to her room, kicking off her shoes and flopping back on the bed, clutching the cool screen of her phone to her chest.

while she felt this high, like she was walking on air, there was something she needed to do.

to liam: hey liam! big thanks for inviting me out with you guys tonight. i had an incredible time and it was nice getting to know you. i was wondering if maybe you wanted to get together for a coffee or something during a race weekend?

she pressed send with her eyes screwed shut. it was the riskiest text she could remember sending. she dropped the phone, getting back to her feet and busying herself while she waited for liam to text her back, stopping her hands from shaking from worry.

she changed out of her clubbing clothes, dressing in flannel pajama bottoms and an oversized shirt for a band that she went to see when she was in her freshman year of high school.

oh how things had changed for her since then. she should be proud of herself, she knew. but some days she didn't feel like she had moved on from that stuffy london secondary school.

her phone vibrated on the bed, and she braced herself for the worst, even as she lunged faster than the speed of light to grasp the device in her hands.

and then she felt her stomach drop, the bad feeling spreading through her bones as she felt like she couldn't support her body weight on her own any more.

rejection.

from liam: heyyyyyy.....i had a great time with you today as well, and you seem like a really nice person, and i really hate to be the one to burst your bubble like this, but i'm already seeing someone. her name is olivia, i met her back in new zealand.

she was now three for three, and more concerned that she was going to die alone than ever.

______

"she's been out there a while." george russell said slowly, nodding his head in the direction of the back dec. it was dark outside, the stars visible above the trees. "frederik, what happened when you guys were out? who do we have to hurt?"

fred shook his head. "i have no idea. she was having a great time, dancing with liam and clement. the boys were tripping over each other to talk to her, make her feel welcome. whatever happened must have happened after we came back."

the mercedes drivers looked out the patio door again, hearts aching at the sight of y/n leaning over the deck railing, a sad and despondent expression on her face.

"i'm going to go and talk to her." lewis said, getting to his feet and sliding the door open.

his heart ached for the girl who so badly wanted to leave her mark on the world. the girl who was scared of dying alone at such a young age, scared she'd never be loved or treasured. scared that she would be alone for the rest of her life, that everything was simply temporary.

"y/n, are you alright?"

"he's seeing someone else. i finally thought i had a fucking chance to be loved, and he's seeing someone else." her voice broke, a single salty tear beginning to make it's track down the pale expanse of her skin. and as that first one fell, more and more followed. "am i unlovable, lewis?"

and that's when lewis felt his heart break. y/n was too young to feel the pain of the world, the pain of heartache. he knew what it was like to bleed love into the world and not get enough back. to still feel that void inside of you.

"don't say that, love. you are not unlovable. he just wasn't the right person for you. do you want to talk about it?"

"not really."

"that's fine." he was standing next to her now, looking out at the backyard and the trees. y/n looked so small, hiding behind the old concert shirt that was four sizes too big, but that she had bought that way because she was already paying too much for it, so it might as well last her four or five years of growth.

"but know that this is not a reflection on you. this is all on him. and you put yourself out there tonight. that must have been a massive step for you. you should be proud of yourself, even though it's hurting right now."

she caught a shadow moving behind her out of the corner of her eye, hearing the deck creak under the weight of footsteps.

"who was it?" toto wolff's voice was deep, tinged with anger that someone had decided to cross his favorite intern. the one that he thought of as family as much as he did his own three kids. in fact, he had considered introducing y/n and benedict, as they were at a similar age and he knew that she could use a friend. "i don't care who he is or what driver's academy he's in, i just want to have a little chat with him."

y/n laughed, shaking her head as she pictured toto storming into the red bull garage to yell at poor liam for hurting his favorite intern. "you don't have to do that. i need to learn how to deal with these things on my own."

lewis turned his head, giving her and understanding look. "remember we're here if you need us, okay? you never have to go through something like this alone again."

"oi, is there another party that i never got invited to?" george proclaimed, making his presence known on the deck. the group laughed, remembering the day they had all met, the day they became what they were today, when y/n had been sobbing on the rocks by the factory parking lot.

"just needed a little cheering up, that's all." she said, resting her head against toto's arm. "it's been a day. too many emotions for me to handle."

she thought again about liam's text, a stab of pain ricocheting through her heart. she just had to trust that things were going to work themselves out, because sometimes that was the onyl thing that there was to do.

maybe it was time to take fate into her own hands. should she try a dating app? a speed dating event? god forbid she join a singles club.

"nyck just got out the scrabble board." george remarked off handedly. "between the four of us and carmen, i think we could kick some serious scrabble ass, don't you think?"

lewis laughed. "says the guy that only played three letter words last time we played."

"i didn't have y/n on my team." george proclaimed, placing his hands on the intern's shoulders. "she's the smart one here. so what do you say?"

y/n smiled. "deal me in. i'm gonna kick both your asses."

she'd worry about getting a boyfriend later. but for now, she had the best found family she could have ever asked for.

Tags:

@libraryofloveletters @magnummagnussen @sidcrosbyspuck @scuderiamh @diorleclerc @daydreamingleclerc

[dokyccis]

busy II | h. renjun

it’s been a while !! // part one here.

“sometimes i wonder when are you gonna stop humiliating yourself because of renjun.” yunjin says in a serious, but ironic tone.

it’s been 2 weeks since renjun left you all alone in your apartment. the way your boyfriend left coldly still gives you goosebumps and you feel like crying with the thought of him not loving you anymore.

you’re insecure about all that, you don’t wanna believe your thoughts but you feel like you need to. you need to face reality and accept the truth.

“i don’t humiliate myself.” yunjin chuckles sarcastically when you finally answer. “do i?” you genuinely ask.

“do we really have to answer?” it’s karina’s turn to say something. “that’s obvious, honey. you just need to open your eyes and see what’s going on.” she’s realistic.

maybe they’re right, you think to yourself.

those were 2 weeks of pure silence between you and renjun, he didn’t message you or call you to ask how you’ve been or just to say hi.

you feel like the feeling that used to be like fire burning in yours and renjun’s heart is now dying little by little, and you don’t want that. does renjun want that? you wonder.

you still remember the sweet thoughts you shared with renjun in silent and calm nights at your place, the atmosphere matching the way you two looked at each other and talked to each other so lovingly.

you believed that renjun was the one & only for you and would always be, but destiny stabbed you with it’s tricks.

“y/n, come on! you need to move on, y’know?” yunjin encourages you.

“it’s not like we broke up, yunjin. he just left and…” you pause. “god, i sincerely don’t know what’s going on with renjun.” you sigh deeply and hide your face in your hands.

“he’s just an ass.” karina says, making yunjin laugh and being contaminated by the red haired girl.

you laugh along with your friends, trying to shrug the pain off. it’s like you lost a significant part of you, like your heart has a big hole that’s just filled up with renjun’s presence.

you’re afraid renjun just played with you all this time, but you also can’t believe that. his sweet words, delicate touch and innocent gaze leads you to think the otherwise.

you can’t imagine your life without renjun, your mind and heart refuses to even think of the possibility. you gave your whole self to renjun, dedicating each special part of you to him.

“he may be an asshole, but i still miss him.” you reveal.

“we know that, hun’.” yunjin says, ceasing her laugh. “it’s kind of normal to miss him, though. look what you’ve created within these past 3 years, you had a pretty admirable relationship with renjun, you two were like bee and honey.” she mocks, karina nods her head in agreement.

“it’s okay to miss him, babe, we’re not judging you for that. remember that we’re your best friends, we’re here to help you recover and stay safe over all of this.” karina smiles genuinely, and you can’t be happier to have friends like yours.

“thank you so much, you two.” you smile back, pulling your two best friends into a warm, comforting and loving hug.

a little bit wild, a little bit tamed

it’s the final line, isn’t it?

a little bit lost, a little bit saved

ain’t we all just a little bit hypocrite?

you sing along to your favorite song’s lyrics. all alone at home, you’re totally distracted by the song’s rhythm and melody, like nothing or anyone else could reach you in that moment.

the thin sound of your apartment’s bell leads you out of your own thoughts and immersion, echoing in your head until it gives you a minimum headache.

you get up from the couch, making your way to the front door to open it.

“who the fuck is bothering me this late?” you ask yourself, picking up the key standing in the little desk nearby the door. you open the door.

“hey, how can i help yo-” your body froze when you looked at the person standing in front of you.

it’s like you haven’t looked at renjun for a while, like you two spent 2 years without talking to each other. he looks devastated, and you feel sick with his presence.

you try to shut your door, but renjun doesn’t let you. “please, let’s talk.” he says in a calm and low tone.

your mind doesn’t wanna let him in, but your heart is weak for renjun and everything he does. if he wants something, then you’re giving it to him.

you sigh deeply, letting renjun in before shutting your door and following him to your couch.

you two sat there in silence. renjun was looking at his fingers, maybe thinking of what he could say to you. in the other side, you felt totally restless. your hands were sweating, your heart was beating fast and your vision started getting blurry.

renjun cleared his throat, gaining your attention. you look at him.

“i know i was very immature.” he assumed. “i’m sorry for that.” he looked at you, your gaze meeting.

you immediately look away, not handling keep eye contact with him. “that’s it?” you say without even thinking, the two words swimming out of your mouth.

renjun was taken aback by your response, you could sense the way atmosphere in the room got more tense than it already was.

“what… what do you mean?” he tilts his head towards you in confusion.

every word said by renjun made you feel more and more nervous, like your heart could explode at any moment. “i mean, you ghosted me for 2 weeks, you never explained me why you were acting like that…” you gain courage to look him in the eyes.

“i cannot accept your apology if you can’t explain me what’s happening.” you’re clear. renjun keeps looking at you, looking for answers in your eyes.

“i told you everything’s oka-” you cut him.

“it’s not okay, renjun!” you yell, getting up from the couch with an impulse. “you always say it’s okay, when it’s evidently not okay.” you burst, emphasizing the “not” in the phrase.

“y/n, calm do-” you cut him again.

“how can i calm down?! tell me, renjun! how the heck can i calm down? you didn’t contact me for 2 weeks, i cried everyday because i thought you didn’t love me,” you pause, sighing deeply before continuing. “and you want me to calm down?”

“look, if you came here just to bother the shit out of me, then leave.” your tone is heavy and serious. “i’m already too stressed and i really don’t wanna hear your stupid excuses anymo-” it’s renjun’s turn to cut you off.

“can you please hear me?” he speaks a little louder. “god, listen to me for once in your life!” he exclaims and you cross your arms, signing for him to continue.

“i’m sorry for ghosting you, i’m sorry for everything i did to you all this time.” he gets up from the couch, facing you. “i love you so much, y/n. you don’t even imagine how much it hurts to know that i made you feel like that.” he steps closer.

you feel your shoulders tense, your hands sweat again and your breath stop with him getting closer.

“y/n.” he takes you by the arm, hugging you tightly. “please, forgive me.” his voice is weak.

you feel the tears form in your eyes, threatening to fall and stain your whole face. renjun tightens up the hug even more when he noticed you didn’t answer him, wanting a minimum reaction from you.

“please, y/n.” he begs. “i know i messed up, i know i made stupid excuses, i know i should pay more attention to you.” renjun said, feeling the tears fall all over his face. “but please, stay.” he begs one more time.

you can’t control yourself, hugging renjun back and crying like a newborn baby in renjun’s arms. his whispered-apologies could still be heard by you, followed by his hands going to your hair and a kiss being deposited in your forehead.

“please, i’m so sorry. please forgive me, y/n.” he begs for the third time.

your heart melted over renjun’s broken tone. you couldn’t handle one more week away from him, so you didn’t think twice before saying:

“i forgive you, jun.”

renjun looked at you with wide eyes, a smiling growing in his face and lightening up his dark eyes. “a-are you serious?” he stuttered. you nod in agreement.

the boy hugs you again, but this time the embrace is filled with happiness and relief. you smile, your arms still wrapped around his body.

“thank you so much, y/n.” renjun thanks you. “i swear i’ll never do that again, i swear to god.” he says without letting go, making you feel safe in his arms after a long time feeling empty when hugging him.

you spend minutes hugging renjun, hearing him apologize to you more than he should and hearing him trying his best to convince you he would never do that again.

the love, affection and admiration that used to be like fire burning in your heart now feels like it again. your love battery with renjun is finally charging itself up after so much time.

you felt like you just returned home and you really don’t wanna ever leave again.

“renjun, we spent about 10 minutes hugging,” you point out. “i think we can pull away, can’t we?”

“let’s stay like this for a little longer, please.” he asks, burrying his face in your neck. you giggle with your boyfriend’s attitude, whispering sweet things and melting in the pleasure sensation that genuine touch gave you.

[greetingfromthedead]

1. Death's Door

Series: Apple Blossoms

Series Plot: Knives is finally crushed, his plans in ashes, his body at Death's door, but Vash decides to spare his life. With the last power he has left, he carries his brother to a person who has nursed him back to life, now begging for you to save his twin too. A tattered Knives finds himself in the care of a human and as time goes on, he has to come to terms with uncomfortable truths about his skewed world view and the strange feelings he discovers blooming in his chest for you. // Contains some Trimax spoilers. // A slight mix of all the Trigun iterations, but mostly Trimax

Pairing: Knives x GN!Reader

Series Rating: PG-13 + pwp BONUS chapters

Series Tags: No use of "Y/N", Redemption, Love, Romance, Sickfic, Medical Inaccuracies, Knives is injured, Caretaking, Falling In Love, Adventuring, Cowboy vibes, Knives is introverted, Knives has a crush and is very lost, Fluff, Reader-Insert, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Canon, No use of y/n, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Forced Proximity, Trauma, Knives pouts a lot

Word count: 3.3k

Author's Note: It is not yet a fully fleshed out story, I have the first few chapters planned out, but keeping it going will depend partially of the interest shown for it and how things will work out. All in all, I would be grateful to hear your thoughts. What is something you would love to see in such a story, scenarios and dynamics you would like to explore. Perhaps I will adopt some of them.

Yapping | Next Chapter →

It has been many long months since the communications were cut off as the satellites fell from the sky as comets. Since then, the only source of information have been the criers, who travel from village to village, sharing news and stories. Sometimes you hear different stories from different mouths and really can never be sure what the truth is. Apparently, at least most of the Seven Cities have been decimated, and a giant ark is destroying everything in its path. The criers are warning people to seek shelter and prepare for the worst, but you still hold on to a sliver of hope. You've heard that Vash the Stampede is somehow involved in this whole mess. The man with a giant bounty on his head is rumored to be the Devil himself, the Humanoid Typhoon. Some sources say he is behind all of this; he is the one who is raining down destruction as he always does; others say he has stepped up as the protector of humanity on this desolate planet. And the truth remains a mystery, hidden behind the game of telephone and conflicting accounts. Deep down, you believe that he is on your side, fighting to keep humanity safe from the impending destruction.

You have met that strange man before. He arrived in your care with multiple gunshot wounds in the dead of night, or rather, you stumbled over his dying body in the dark desert. It had been nothing short of a miracle that he had evidently walked from the next town over towards your lonely house before collapsing. And it was even more of a coincidence that you found him at all. Vash the Stampede truly has the luck of a demon, or perhaps it was fate. Who's to say? But you did dragged him home, patched him up, and took care of him until he awoke from his week long slumber. He remained under your watchful eye for a bit longer, and as the closest thing to a doctor this area has, you felt it was your duty to make sure he fully recovered before letting him leave. You got to know him quite well during the time he spent at your house. You quickly realized who he was, but let him introduce himself. It became clear to you that the vicious rumors held little truth. He might be clumsy, but not evil. He was nothing but kind and grateful to you, helping you however he could and paying you for the time and medicine spent on him even as you tried to refuse. All that happened a few years ago, but his generosity and kindness still stick with you to this day. You still remember his smiling face as he turned to leave into the empty desert where you found him in the first place.

Nowadays, you live quietly in your lonely house. The closest village is half a day's ride away, and you rarely see anyone besides the occasional messenger passing through. The closest city is Octovern, but to reach that via tomas, it would take nearly half a week. You occasionally take your first aid kit and go through the nearby towns to help anyone in need, but you have been blessed to not be dragged into the larger war decimating the planet. You have been able to maintain a sense of peace and purpose amidst the chaos, but you can only hope things will return to a sense of normality soon, as much as that can be found in this place.

Little did you suspect of the evening where a loud and insistent banging on your door would shift your life entirely. A rap like that always means trouble, and instinctively, you hurried to open the old creaking door into the cooling evening air. The golden light of the setting suns tries to flood into your hallway, only to be obscured by a giant figure. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to see more than just the silhouette, but still, the sight leaves you dumbfounded. Before you are two people, but they aren't entirely human as wings spread from their backs, not quite covered in feathers like an angel, partially reminding you of roots and stone, partially of shattering metal. Two wings, one on each of the bloody men. One holds the unconscious body of the other. He struggles to stay upright, one knee on the ground, the other supporting the limp form of the other as his singular arm wraps around the other's waist. The stump of his left arm has wires tangling from it, and it must have been what he used to knock on your door. It takes you too long to realize who that man is—Vash. His blonde hair is now entirely black, and his features are obscured by dirt and blood.

"Please. Help." He pleads with desperation in his eyes. "Can you save him?"

Your eyes shift to the man in his grasp. He is looking even rougher than Vash; his clothes seem burned and torn, and his skin is covered in blood and open wounds. His face is bruised and swollen. He hangs limply in Vash's embrace, his arms dangling lifelessly at his sides in an uncanny fashion. He's barely breathing, and it's clear that time is running out.

"Right!" You stir from your shock. "Let's get him inside!"

You push aside the weirdness and the unnatural aspects of the situation you find yourself in and slip back into the familiar feeling of urgency. You rush forward to put a shoulder under the unconscious man and lift him up with the help of Vash. You drag him not to the cot that's reserved for your patients, but instead you haul him onto the long dinner table that doubles as an examination table in a pinch. Your hands move on their own as they grab what you need: shears and cloths, first aid kits, bandages, medicine, water, and alcohol. You firmly tell Vash to sit down on the stool in the corner and not get in your way. You feel bad for being so stern with him, especially since he is injured too, but the man on the table is already playing dice with death.

You get to work quickly, knowing that every second counts. You remove the tattered clothing and assess the extent of his injuries. You're surprised he still has life left in him with the amount of blood he must have lost, chunks of his body apparently missing, gashes, and cracks covering his skin. You do as much as you can, focusing on the larger wounds first, knowing that time is of the essence in saving him. To your surprise, he doesn't bleed nearly as much as you think he should, given the severity of his situation. You roughly stitch him up and pull a few bullets from his flesh. His internal organs seem in good enough condition, and you're glad you don't have to operate on them further. As you work away, the wing on his back crumbles; the chunks feel strange, and you can't begin to guess the material, but you don't have a chance to analyze it either. By the time you are done, the wing is gone, leaving a chunky heap on the ground, almost like sand. You clean his body with water and alcohol before checking his skeleton and joints. There are no broken bones, but the right shoulder is dislocated. You take care to pull it back into place with a snap, and you continue to examine him. Much of his skin is cracked; it looks strange, and you can't begin to guess what caused it.

After hours of grueling work, you administer him medicine to hopefully avoid infection, another dose of strong painkillers, and some saline to help with his recovery. You lift his head carefully as you smear the gooey concoction on his gums for a longer lasting effect. To be doubly safe, you inject more drugs directly into his bloodstream and lather the wounds with ointment to help them heal. Wrapping him in bandages takes a lot from you too, especially since you can't accept Vash's offer to help since he is still dirty. By the end, your patient is almost entirely covered in bandages but still breathing. You throw a clean blanket over him and a pillow under his head, too worried to move him off the table onto the bed. It will have to wait, perhaps if he survives until dawn. But the chances of him making it through the night seem slim.

"Right." You let out a deep sigh. You can finally shift your attention from the dying man to Vash. You are deep into the night, pushing the morning hours, with dark circles forming under your eyes, but there is no rest for you yet. You turn towards the man in the chair; he looks like hell. You have never seen him look this bad before, and last time, he was the one whose life was dripping from his body on this table. Tears have carved deep lines into his dust, ash, and blood covered cheeks. There is an unusual mix of emotions on his face, but worry burns the brightest.

"It's your turn now," you say to Vash, catching his attention. His gaze lifts from the floor, and for a moment, it seems like he didn't hear you at all. You just continue, getting a washbasin, cloth and a jug of water ready. "You can use these to clean up; I'll help you with any spots you can't reach in a bit; I'll clean this mess up first."

"Will he survive? Will he be alright?" he asks instead, ignoring your comment completely.

"I do not know. I tried my best. The rest is up to him and fate itself. Whether he makes it or not is out of my hands." You look at him sympathetically. "Hopefully dawn will bring good news," you say softly.

As you pick up your bloody tools and cloths, you hear Vash stand up, but instead of walking towards the counter where the washing supplies are, his steps lead away, towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" you ask resolutely, a nip in your voice. He pauses in silence for a moment.

"I must go. I have some things to take care of still," he answers, a note of guilt present in his tone.

"You will clean up, have me patch you up, and take a nap before you can think about leaving. Doctor's orders!" Your words are commanding, leaving no room for argument. You're both tired; he looks awful, and you almost sway on your feet. But your work is not yet done.

Vash stands quietly for a moment longer before turning back and stripping a few layers of his tattered clothing. Exposing the bruises and wounds covering his body. He struggles a little with the setup at hand, using the reflection of your window to try and see where he has to reach. At the same time, you clean up the mess you made while working on your patient. You wipe the surfaces and wash the tools, and finally, you can discard the bloody robe, mask, and gloves.

You help Vash wash away the dirt from any spots he can't reach and have him sit on the chair in his underwear. You stick a cup of warm tea in his hand and down a strong coffee yourself before washing your face with cold water to wake up again. After that, you set everything up to stitch him back together and get to work. You examine him thoroughly and give him pain medication before getting the needle out. His body is tense and his pulse is still high; he has yet to calm down.

"Is he your brother? Even under all that bruising and swelling, I can tell the similarities." You speak softly to him to get his mind off the things that are hurting him at the moment.

"Yes, my twin," Vash replies, his voice hoarse and filled with pain.

"I didn't even know you had a twin. What's his name?" You continue as you tie together another suture.

"Knives."

"That's an interesting name," you say with little emotion in your tone, most of your attention going into taking care of his wounds. A stray thought of the wings crosses your mind; Vash has lost his too in the time your focus was on his brother. There is clearly something weird going on, but for now you are too tired to ask the relevant questions, and you need Vash to relax.

"I guess…" His voice trails off, and you can see him staring at the unconscious body on the table.

You keep talking as you work on him, stitching, disinfecting, and bandaging the larger cuts one by one. You give him a checkup and pain medication, and as you take his pulse, it is normal again. You are relieved; he seems to be stable and doing alright despite the way he looks. You provide him with some loose clothing you have laying around just in case and make him get in the bed you have in the other room to rest and recover for the night. He is hesitant, but the tiredness in his eyes tells you that he needs the rest.

"I will stay up with your brother; I will check on him, and I promise I will wake you up if there are any issues. Sleep. You need it." You assure him as you throw a cooling blanket on him before turning off the light and leaving the room. "Rest easy; everything will be alright now."

You return to the patient on the table and check his vitals again. You take his pulse and check his light blue eyes. His breathing has returned to normal, and he looks to be doing better, but as you press your hand on his forehead, you feel the developing fever. You know that this could be a sign of infection, and it makes you slightly nervous. His jet black hair feels damp as your hand glides over it, and you notice that his skin is sticky to the touch. However, you try to remain calm and decide to check again soon and keep a close eye on him.

To keep yourself from falling asleep, you keep yourself busy with whatever tasks you find. You clean up your kitchen from everything, organize your cabinets, and even clean Vash's clothes and hang them to dry outside. Dawn comes, but nothing changes; the slight fever still lingers, and Vash is asleep. You mix up some sugar water and carefully drip a few drops into Knives's mouth. He swallows painfully, and you continue administering him the water for a few hours. You're losing the battle with your exhaustion, so you make yourself a cup of coffee again, letting it steep while checking on the wounds. They look good, and it almost appears like they've started to heal a little. You write it off as your own delusion. The rising suns cast their hot light on the desert, and Vash's clothes dry in no time. You pick them up and get to sewing the dark shirt and his pants; the red coat is mostly gone, burned, and torn.

You realize that it has been a while since your last meal, as you even missed yesterday's dinner. You get to cooking up some porridge after leaving Vash's clothes in the other room and making sure from afar that he is still breathing. Every quarter hour, you return to the man on the table, check on him, and give him some water and medicine if necessary. Nothing has changed, neither for the better nor for the worse, and you are grateful for that, counting your blessings as you remind yourself of the condition he arrived in.

Another hour passes as Vash appears in the door-frame, his eyes first falling on his brother before moving to you. He looks better; he is still covered in bandages and bruises, but the wary tiredness is gone from his eyes. He wears the clothes you mended for him, and his expression softens as he takes in the sight of you checking the pulse of your patient.

"Good morning," you tell him with a slight smile. "I made some food, but it's probably cold by now. Feel free to take as much as you want. Your brother is doing alright; he has a slight fever, but it hasn't gotten worse. The wounds look good, and I've given him water and medicine. For now, it's okay; he is not out of the woods, but he's getting there."

"Morning," Vash says as he walks closer to you. He doesn't say much; there is an unexplainable expression on his face as he pulls you into a one armed yet crushing bear hug. You feel his breathing get more ragged as he holds you; he repeats seemingly endless "thank you"s until you feel tears soaking your shirt. He finally lets you go, holding your shoulder and looking you in the eyes, tears and snot running down his face.

"You're welcome, but don't get too carried away, okay? I cannot promise you anything other than that I will try to get him back to full health; it doesn't mean it will happen." You try to calm him down again, reaching for a tissue to hand him. "Now eat; I will check your wounds again after that."

And so it goes. Vash eats his fill, dragging his chair a bit closer to the table but not quite next to it, as you gave him a stern look, worried for any contamination. He finishes his meal quickly, eager to have his wounds checked, as if he is in a hurry. Luckily, they look fine, and you lather him in ointment and cover everything with fresh bandages, relieved that he is okay.

"You said you had some business to attend to. Is that why you are vibrating on this chair?" You ask calmly, checking the strange cracks in his skin on his cheek.

"Well, I have to go. I promise I will be back as soon as I can—just a few days at most. I am sorry to just dump him on you, but I beg you. I only go to keep both of you safe." His sky blue eyes try to track your movement the best they can as you put a bandage on him.

"It's alright; I'll take care of him. I doubt he will regain consciousness anytime soon. I can only hope he won't get worse." You take a step back, happy with your handiwork, as nothing is bleeding. It's the best you can do for Vash right now.

"I will forever be in your debt. Thank you for everything. I will pay you once I get back, I swear." His eyes look pleadingly at you as he gets up from the chair.

"I believe you; don't worry about that." You smile, recognizing the honor in his face.

Vash gives you a nod and goes closer to his brother. He says something quietly to him, and you don't quite pick up any of the words. With that, Vash turns and walks to the front door, and you follow.

"Thank you again," he says to you tenderly, and then more loudly over the whole house: "Get better soon, brother!"

You watch as Vash steps outside, heading into the desert. Only a little while later, you figure out he has nothing with him but the clothes on his back and the gun on his leg. No water, no food, no shelter—nothing. You turn and see what's left of the red coat on the chair, now realizing you must really be out of it to not notice it sooner. But it's too late to go after him now; all you can do is hope that he has a plan.

Yapping | Next Chapter →

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[rnjfy]

snow ducks — pjs.

in which park jisung loved snow ducks, but he loved you more.

a/n: merry christmas to those who celebrate! i’m back after almost a year (LOL) to drop this jack frost!jisung au that’s been rotting in my drafts ever since he’d dyed his hair for glimo T_T

warning/s: f!reader x jisung, mild profanity (like one or two), not proofread, fluff & angst if you squint, jisung and reader are CLUELESS, insinuations of a rough past, jisung as jack frost (because this is a warning in and of itself)

jisung couldn’t have imagined getting used to a life where no one knew his name. a life where everyone seemed to walk right through his body even when he was standing directly in front of them, his dark blue jacket hanging loosely on his body—bare feet feeling numb despite the cold concrete beneath them.

alas, he didn’t really have a choice. waking up to the man in the moon telling him that he was special? that’s what thrusted him into his new lifestyle.

“jack frost?” the curious tone of a short brown haired girl tore his attention away from his dwindling thoughts—she was staring cluelessly up at her father, who watched her from the family’s porch.

jisung huffs, a small smirk already pulling at his lips. he’s heard this conversation a thousand times, but he was always curious as to how each parent would spin the story and he in-turn was pleasantly surprised at the amount of different takes each parent would tell their kids.

the man clears his throat before repeating the same old folklore the people of the city had made up about the white haired boy, yet with a new-found twist. “if you stay outside too long, jack frost will come and freeze you up!”

this makes the teenage boy chuckle, his staff hanging freely on his fingertips. sure, he can cause a blizzard with just the touch of them thanks to the man in the moon, but even he wouldn’t do that to a little girl. though, his sharp eyes watches her gasp before she rushes up from her spot in front of their house, the snow beneath her feet crackles as she giggles into her dads arms.

jisung doesn’t know what makes his heart freeze, the lonely feeling he gets from the heartwarming family gesture—or the snowstorm he seems to be brewing over the city of pennsylvania.

—

“you were out again?”

jisung sighs. he didn’t want to be sitting through another one of the tooth fairy’s lectures and with this one being his third of the week, he could probably recite her lecture off the top of his head.

her wings were fluttering rapidly as her cheeks tinted pink with how frustrated she was with him. “you didn’t throw snowballs at a child’s head again did you?”

a laugh almost bubbles from his lips. almost.

“that was one time! and they had fun didn’t they?” the boy grins as he twirls the small snowflakes around in the air above his fingers. he watches as she relaxes a tiny bit, her wings still making the slight fluttering noise he’s learned to drown out. the green fairy sighs, tired from having to say the same thing over and over again to the michievous boy standing in front of her with absolutely no care in the world.

“don’t let north find out, okay? he’ll rip your head right off.” she ends her lecture short with a small murmur, which catches jisung off guard. her bright smile flashes at him before she’s whisked away by one of her many fairies.

being a guardian wasn’t always easy, he was a teenage boy for god’s sake and having to deal with everything a boy his age does on top of having to be a ‘role model’ for millions of kids out in the world—meant finding time for him to just be himself, the teenage jisung park, was a scarce opportunity. he knew the tooth fairy only meant well, they all did, even the easter bunny. but he felt like they didn’t understand. they didn’t know about the grip his past had on him, a past that he isn’t even fully aware about yet. they didn’t know that sometimes all he yearns for are answers to who he really is.

but despite all this, he picks up his staff with his gaze trailing over the hundreds of elves scattered across the north pole.

and the white haired boy is gone—with only a small snowflake left in his place.

—

over the years, jisung’s learned to ignore the ache in his chest that longs to search for the answers to the questions swirling in his head. instead, he enjoys walking in the silence of the night—the glow from sandman’s magic lights his path as he prods at the floor beneath him.

he welcomes the cold, the one thing that has brought him comfort over these last few years. watching the ice create beautiful shapes on the pavement strangely relaxes him as he hums a soft song he doesn’t remember, though his heart seems to recognize the familiar tune.

“great job, sandy.” jisung whispers into the dead of the night, watching proudly as the yellow sand sifts into each house he passes by.

the boy lifts himself into the air with little to no effort. he lets a chuckle slip past his lips as his fingers feel through the sandman’s ‘dream trail’ as he likes to call it. jisung has always admired him, his power to soothe children and provide them with heart warming dreams to keep their sleep from being distrupted.

on nights like this, cold and lonely ones, he misses his home deeply. he knows it sounds ridiculous, to miss a home he doesn’t even remember, but he dreams that he had a family. one that would snuggle under one blanket on nights like this one—one that would wake each other up on christmas day because north or ‘santa’ had decided to pay them a visit.

he’s snapped out of his daydream though when he spots you sitting in front of your house. jisung’s never been one to keep track of time, but judging off the dream trail, he was pretty sure that it was late enough for no one to be out. you seemed to be busying yourself with something in the snow, so he takes this as his sign to drop down from the wires he’d been standing on previously.

“ducks?” he’s confused when he sees enough ducks made of snow sitting in a straight line, all of them nearly identical to each other.

his curious mind pushes him to wander towards your hunched figure, but something in him makes him cautious—almost like approaching you was a mistake.

jisung chooses to ignore the unfamiliar feeling, his feet making no marks in the snow as he squats next to you, his staff standing tall next to both of your figures.

his eyes linger on your face, the top of your head was covered in a black beanie with a pom pom sitting at the top. you were clad in your pajamas and a jacket—an outfit that kind of matched his—your cheeks and nose were both stained pink from the cold, but your eyes shimmered in happiness as you continued to make another duck.

“you kind of look like a ryan to me..?” he’s startled by the warmth in your voice, followed by the soft giggles that left your lips.

he could tell you were his age, something he oddly never encounters. he’s used to seeing toddlers running and playing around in the snow, so the weird feeling of familiarity settles in his chest as you put down the duck-making-contraption to blow some warmth into your hands.

you don’t seem to notice him, not like he expected you to, but it’s when you whisper something into the cold air that has him rooted to his place on the ground.

“i hope you still like ducks, ‘sung. i made too many for you to not like them anymore! happy birthday, wherever you are.”

and you disappear back into your house after picking up your contraption.

—

“how would she even know who i am?! i sure as hell don’t know who she is!” jisung was close to ripping the frosty white hair off his head and his feet were burning the solid floor of the north pole from the amount of pacing he’s been doing since he had gotten there an hour before all the elves had woken up and gotten to work.

north’s jaw ticks as he sighs for what felt like the millionth time that morning. “for the last time, jack, she probably means someone else! it’s not like you’re the only “jisung” in the world.”

the rest of the guardians bob their heads in aggreement, soft murmurs of their own comments all mesh into one—but jisung decides against them all. he felt a physical pull towards you, the shape of your face, the way you spoke and the way your eyes shone in the moonlight… all those things felt so familiar, but he was driving himself crazy as to why it all felt the way it did.

“i’m telling you. she knows who i am!”

he was frustrated. the feeling of familiarity in his chest was addicting and so very comforting. he wanted to know who you were—how you knew him—well, he was so sure that he was the “‘sung” you were talking about.

his heart was racing so loudly that it was pumping in his ears. the questions that were screaming at him made his head spin. it wasn’t like the helplessness he felt when he couldn’t remember his past. this… this was world’s apart from that.

despite it all, jisung’s pacing seems to slow to a stop before his eyes narrow into slits. the silence of a certain green fairy was enough for his mind to swirl with a couple thousand more questions.

his gaze hardens like the ice he’s able to create with his fingertips, “you know something.”

the phrase comes out bitter and demanding. something the younger boy has never used especially around any of the guardians. he watches as the fairy’s eyes dart to everything in the room except him, explanations spilling from her mouth.

“no i don’t! who said i did? was it one of my own? because there’s absolutely noooo way i know anything! nothing! nada! zer—“

the tooth fairy bites her lip as she watches jisung’s grip tighten on the wooden staff.

“park,” north’s voice is low, the warning clear in his tone. he loves jisung like he would love his own son if he had one, but he would not and will not tolerate him hurting any of the other guardians.

not like he could ever do that.

“you’re going to tell me what you know right now.” the frustration is evident in his voice. he was tired of being left in the dark—forced to fend for himself when that’s all he’s been doing for so long. too long.

the fairy fiddles with her fingers, her wings flapping at an even faster rate behind her. “i-i don’t know much. but—i have your teeth. f-from when you were just jisung park.”

the world seems to slow to a stop. jisung’s read about it happening in some books he found in the nooks and crannies of the north pole, but he hadn’t expected it to feel like it did.

he knew what that meant. she had once told him that all the teeth she had collected from each kid held a memory from their lives. the collection of memories all locked in the gold tube he used to gaze at with so much curiosity, the memories unlocked by one touch of his finger.

the silence was suffocating him—and suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

“jisung. you have to calm down.”

the worried gaze of the easter bunny somewhat helps him, though his rapid breaths were starting to be difficult on his lungs. hearing how something so crucial to figuring out his past, to figuring out who he is, was kept from him by someone he’s kept so close for the past few years seemed to be crushing him.

“y-you… you had the answers to my questions all this time… and you didn’t… you didn’t tell me?” heartbreak drips from his tone. all those nights he spent trying to shut out the loud thoughts in his head—all of which could’ve been solved if the tooth fairy had just told him what she just did.

“we wanted you to embrace who you are now, jack. you’re a guardian now, it doesn’t matter what happened in the past—“

“that’s not for you to decide!” his rough shout startles everyone in the room, even some of the elves. his eyes sting from the unshed tears he’s determined to keep from rolling down his cheeks.

“it wasn’t your right to take that from me. those are my memories, my past, my life!” jisung’s breathing hard now. the intensity of how painful this secret was overbearing. and the fact that everyone knew? not just the tooth fairy? that’s what hurt him most.

he scoffs, the grip on his staff tightening as he lifts his hood up above his head.

“i can’t believe any of you.” he ignores the way they all scramble after him, pleading for him to calm down—he needed to be somewhere else, anywhere else but in a room full of people who just shattered his already bruised heart.

—

you couldn’t stand the cold. you prefer to be out on a sunny and warm day than to play in the snow while simultaneously freezing to death.

so why were you standing out in the cold?

you wished you could say that you didn’t know. that somehow, the cold just brought you some source of comfort and that you couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason as to why. but you did know. you know that you’re out here because of a certain boy and how he always loved the snow. how he knew how to handle himself on ice, even when it was freezing and his teeth were chattering.

“y/n? come back inside, dear. it’s freezing!” the voice of your mother pulls you from your everlasting thoughts of the boy you loved, as it almost always did.

you turn to look at her and you see the pity in her eyes. you know she can tell whenever you start to get out of sorts over your best friend who went missing four years ago now. she’s seen the ducks left out, just like you do for every birthday that’s passed without him.

“i’ll be in in a minute, mom.” you smile, a genuine one, soaking in the cold for a little bit more when you hear your front door gently closing after a soft reply from your mom.

you hadn’t known what happened to your best friend, and he never got the justice you felt he deserved. but him disappearing without a trace seemed to scream ‘runaway!’ to the police, so his case was dropped, much to yours and your family’s devastation. you still remember the day you found out he disappeared like it was yesterday.

“where’s this boy at?” your irritated sigh is acxompanied with a white puff from your mouth, the cold atmosphere made your breath visible as your teeth chattered and your fingers trembled.

despite it all, you were there. waiting in front of the fountain of your town like you always do when winter starts.

‘hello! this is jisung, i don’t seem to have heard your call or—shit y/n cut that out! sorry uh… leave your message at the beep, okay bye!’

“damn it.” the frustration was settling in, your eyes gazing at the digital numbers taunting you on your phone. it’s almost been an hour since you were supposed to meet jisung here—either he had forgotten your plans, or he simply liked to torture you because he knew how much you hated the cold—and if it was the latter, you were certain you’d kill him.

your phone rings in your hands and you hurriedly pick up, expecting to hear your best friends deep voice scrambling with apologies.

“jisu—“

“…honey? where are you? mrs. park just called to say that jisung’s gone missing…”

your life hasn’t been the same ever since. you never heard a peep from the boy—and even after a whole year of you texting his number, someone else eventually answered, regretfully telling you that they weren’t jisung, but an older lady named kira.

which was a weird experience, but your parents were glad that you had finally let go of texting your missing best friend. they knew you would take the news the hardest. you were head over heels for this boy, and seeing as how you both were attached at the hip—they were worried for how you’d cope.

and they’ve settled that you making ducks out of snow once a year seems to be the perfect way to cope for you.

“this is stupid,” you mutter, more to yourself than anyone in particular. you gaze at the perfectly lined up ducks. eighteen of them.

that’s how old jisung would’ve turned that year.

when your fingers start to feel numb, the cold air seeming to get even colder, you decide that maybe it’s time to head back inside. you glance one more time over at the eighteen ducks sitting neatly at the front of your porch. a small flicker in you hopes that one day, they somehow bring jisung home.

—

he didn’t know what he was doing here. after all that happened in the north pole, he just let the wind take him anywhere. his mind was too busy to figure out where he’d stay before returning back to the north pole when everything was sorted out in his mind and heart.

and that’s how he finds himself standing next to you. his hood is up and his tight grip on his staff causes you to let out a small shiver.

he can tell you’re feeling somber, your eyes weren’t as happy as they were when he first saw you and your gaze seemed to linger at nothing in particular.

he watches as you purse your lips before slowly heading back inside. jisung didn’t know who you were, but being next to you warmed his freezing heart with a sense of familiarity he hasn’t felt in so long.

“eighteen…” his soft mumble is heard by no one, he had counted the ducks you had lined up by your house.

he wonders why you had decided to make that many, but a small smile tugs at his lips when he uses his magic to create a small pile of snow around the ducks, forming a small fence around all of them.

jisung’s torn from his thoughts when he hears soft chatter coming from the inside of your house, his curiosity getting the better of him while he stands to steal a glance from your window.

“hey hon. do you want to pay jisung a visit?” an older man looks directly at you as he fixes his tie, your slightly smaller stature stands in front of him, clad in the same outfit he saw you standing in earlier—minus a set of blue gloves.

the mention of his name has him attempting to hear your conversation better. he strains to hear over his racing heart, but he hears you reply with a hesitant ‘sure’. even from where he’s standing, he can see the fear in your eyes. he doesn’t exactly know why they glisten with unshed tears and he looks away as your family gathers around you in a group hug. he felt like he was intruding an important family moment.

he’s not sure how much time has passed with how he was trying hard not to eavesdrop, but your front door suddenly nudges open, surprising him almost enough to drop his staff.

“you made a little fence?” jisung hears the grin on your mom’s face and he turns to you to find you staring at his little creation around your ducks.

your face is turned down into a frown, your hands clad in the blue gloves you were wearing the first time he saw you that day. “i didn’t.”

this seems to silence your parents as they watch you with curious eyes. you looked conflicted, almost as if you didn’t know whether or not you liked the fact that someone had added to your small creation.

“well… then maybe jack frost did it?”

jisung perks up at the mention of his name, (well his alter ego’s name, you could say) his jaw slacks at the playful tone your father had taken when talking about him. but your eyes immediately roll into the back of your head.

“yeah, whatever.” the last word was mumbled underneath your breath, but he heard it loud and clear. he couldn’t understand why you not believing in him hurt the most, even when he knew you didn’t just by the fact that you couldn’t see him.

he watches dejectedly as your family gets into your car, you taking the back seat while your family sit in the front. your head bobs to music that was probably playing on the radio, and all he could do is stand on your porch as your dad drives you all away.

—

“let me see my memories.” the tone he’s chosen to use wasn’t gentle, but it wasn’t harsh either.

jisung’s staring straight at the tooth fairy, who was in the middle of sorting out a problem with her baby fairies. she stills and purses her lips, looking at the teenage boy with red-rimmed eyes.

he’s had enough of the lies, tired of the way the rest of the guardians seem to think they can decide what he wants to do with who he is and the past that holds the answers to everything he had questioned the man in the moon ever since he had become jack frost.

“what happened, jisung?” her concern is waved off by the cold boy, the grip on his staff was tightening. “please, toothiana.”

his low whisper gets to her. he never calls her by her name unless things get too difiicult, for either of them. she could hear the pain hidden by his tough front, but she could tell that the boy was having an incredibly hard time.

“you’ve kept this from me for long enough. i’m tired of having to… look towards the moon and get no response every night for something i know is right here with you—!” his voice strains from the pain he’s trying so hard to hide from her.

the fairy sighs—conflicted by the care she holds for him and her duty to protect him. “…okay.”

jisung was fairly surprised by how quickly she agreed to him, but she wasn’t sure if she should even be allowing him to see his memories, strict rules from north was taunting her mind. but, with one more glance at jisung, she knows that she just doesn’t have the heart to keep it from him.

he watches silently as she flutters over to the hidden cases of teeth she had collected over the years, her fingers skimming over thousands of tabs—one shiny case slipping out into her awaiting hands.

“just… we’re here for you, jisung. okay? if you need us…” the fairy gently places the gold tube in his hands before leaving him alone to discover the memories lying in the gold case.

he wasn’t sure about what was preventing him from diving head first into his memories, but his gaze remained trained on the small image on the side of the tube, one that looked like his younger self. the silence he was left with seemed to scream at him to touch the white surface.

‘sung! jisung, where are you?!

he wanted to call out to the voice, tell them that he was right here and that he was doing just fine. he could hear the panic in the unfamiliar voice despite it being muffled and quiet.

being in this moment scared him more than anything ever has—he could have his memories in his hands right now and they were all at the touch of his fingertips. but the idea of it all overwhelmed him, pushing his heart to rage against his chest.

jisung… where did you go?

“i’m right here.” his whisper is heard by no one.

—

“that’s so stupid!” the room is filled with giggles as the boy attempts to flip whipped cream up from the back of his hand and into his mouth.

with a cute frown, “it is not! and it’s so possible.” jisung rolls his eyes, slapping his wrist and missing for the hundredth time.

this only causes the two kids to fall into even more fits of giggles, the whipped cream landing on the young boy’s forehead. he looked incredibly silly, but nothing could have prepared the younger girl for how adorable he looked, despite it all.

“shouldn’t you get going? or do you wanna stay over tonight?” she breaks the comfortable atmosphere with the tough question. the girl knew how sensitive the topic of jisung’s parents were, which is why she attempted to avoid it as much as she could. but it was late, and if he didn’t go home now, he would for sure be in trouble.

his deep sigh is what meets the soft question, and though he tries to hide behind a smile, she knew he was hurting.

“is it okay if i stay over?”

she never asks why, but that’s why jisung’s so lucky to have the girl sitting in front of him. his question is met by a soft nod from her, eliciting his lips to tug into a small smile.

“you’re the best.”

the sliver of a memory soothes one of jisung’s many curiosities. the small gold case he’s holding opened up one of his many lost memories, one that he knows was treasured by his younger self. the sight of the faceless girl haunts his mind as he imagines the memory over and over again. who was she to him?

“damn it,” jisung huffs when he feels frustrated tears sting at his eyes.

he could tell by the one memory he allowed himself to see—that the reason the guardians were hiding this from him, was because of the difficult past he was dealt with. he may not remember any of it, but slowly it was piecing itself together.

—

you hated this day. and with every year that passes, you’d wonder if it would ever get easier, but it never does. seeing your best friend’s name engraved on a tombstone was never an easy sight. it never failed to bring you to tears.

your parents would always carry a new boquet of hyacinths, jisung’s favorite flower according to you. the three of you would arrive at his grave, a different boquet already sitting at the feet of his tombstone.

you had your hands in your pockets and your gaze settled on the floor—so you didn’t notice a certain white haired boy who had settled himself on your porch.

“woah. what the hell?!” your loud voice seems to go ignored by your parents as they head into your house. your heart was racing at the sight of the unknown boy who seemed just as startled as you were.

jisung’s eyes are blown wide as he stares back at you, “y-you can see me…?”

you’re clutching at your jacket as you stare at him, bewildered. what the hell?

“yes i can see you, y-you freak! who the hell are you?!”

he stumbles as he picks up his staff, the hood resting on his head falls as he slowly steps off your porch. “shh, dude. you have to be quiet.”

jisung doesn’t know what he’s doing. he came here to get some piece of mind—and when your car came rolling up your driveway, he wasn’t expecting you to see him.

“you expect me to be quiet when you’re just mmf—!”

both of you are surprised when jisung surges forward and covers your mouth with his hand. you’re stunned at his action, his palm feeling cold as ice against your skin.

“no one else sees me. i don’t know why you do, though. so you have to shut up.” he’s quiet now, his eyes turning to your front door, trying to see if your parents were going to come out at any moment.

“who the hell are you?” your voice is slightly calm now, the boy stands sheepishly in front of you. his silence gives you a moment to look him over, a ridiculous wooden staff is sitting between his fingers—a blue hoodie clads his skinny figure and his feet were bare against the white snow covering your front yard.

“i’m—uh… jack..?” he watches, amused at how you seem to stare at him with disbelief.

“jack?” you whisper, your jaw unclenches as he nods at your question. an easy smile dancing on his lips.

he honestly has no idea what he’s doing. but he does know that he’s enjoying it.

“yeah! jack frost, ever heard of me?” he smiles lazily. it wasn’t everyday that he could introduce himself as the fairytale that he seems to have become over the past for years to anyone.

your frown is instant. jisung watched as your eyes danced across his face, taking in the familiarity of his older, colder features.

he expected anything. maybe a jaw drop. maybe a gasp, maybe even an eyebrow raise with some questioning as to whether or not he was serious.

what he didn’t expect though, was for your eyes to widen before your body crumpled to the ground.

—

the warmth of your bed is the first thing that you register when you wake from the strangest dream.

you’d seen jisung. you were sure of it. his hair was as white as snow, and he stared at you with not one hint of recognition—just mischief and a little disbelief at the idea of you seeing him.

“jack…” your murmur disturbed the silence of your bedroom. sitting up, your blanket fell off your shoulders. you were still in the clothes you wore to jisung’s grave, and the moonlight spilling into your room was the only source of light that illuminated your space.

confusion and sadness wraps itself around your heart as you try and shake the feelings that your dream had welcomed back into your head.

unbeknownst to you, frost begins to form on the corners of your closed window as a certain white haired boy perches himself on your roof—his grip on his wooden staff tightening at your quiet whisper.

he didn’t know who you were—not up until a few days ago, anyway. so why did a flash of recognition cross your eyes before you tumbled to the ground?

was that his confirmation that he was the jisung you were talking about? but how?

the jisung you knew was dead. and he was very much alive. albeit, invisible to everyone, but alive. except he wasn’t invisible to you.

the cold boy’s eyes wandered up to the moon, glaring at it as it seemed to be taunting him from above. how could he possibly have more questions now that he’d watched one memory from his stupid golden tooth capsule?

with one last huff (and a glance towards your now peaceful figure tucked away underneath your blanket), jisung stands—and lets the air take him far away from your house.

—

“jisung! don’t go so fast!”

giggles erupt into the air as jisung grips onto the girl’s arms, leading them both across the frozen water.

his smile was bright enough to light up the darkest of nights, watching as the girl struggles to balance herself on the slipper surface.

“you’re alright.” he murmurs to her, grinning as a splash of pink settles on her cheeks.

the girl shakes her head, her grip on his arms tightening as she feels their speed start to pick up once more. “i swear to God, park jisung, if we fall—“

“don’t worry, darling. i won’t ever let you fall.”

“jack?” the tooth fairy’s tentative voice cracks jisung’s concentration as he shuts the golden capsule shut.

she eyes him, watching as he buries what he felt by what he saw deep beneath his surface. he clears his throat before shoving the capsule into the pocket that rests on the bottom of his sweater.

“what’s up?”

her wings flutter furiously as she flies herself over to him. “are… are you alright?”

and the concern in her voice—pisses him off.

“yeah. never better.” jisung smiles at her, allowing his frustration to coat his words and drip off them.

he watches as she flinches at the harshness of his words, her mouth forming a slight pout, and guilt tugs at his heart. he sighs, trying to shake the frustration from his mind.

“i’m sorry.” he murmurs, turning away from the fairy to reel back his emotions. technically, it wasn’t her fault that the memory of the girl was flawed. so it wasn’t fair to the tooth fairy that he was taking his frustrations out on her.

she smiles slightly, reaching up to fluff his hair.

“i’m sorry too, jack.”

their eyes meet and he feels his resolve cracking just a tiny bit. he had always loved the tooth fairy in a sort of, sisterly kind of way, even when she’d piss him off a lot of the time.

she bites her lip, her wings fluttering as she brings herself back down to her feet.

“…did opening your tooth box help with anything?” she asks hesitantly, unsure of how he’d taken the weight of his past.

jisung swallows. his grip on the golden capsule tightens as he avoids her gaze.

“it… it actually raised a lot more questions.” he sighs, his jaw clenching as the image of the faceless girl forces its way back into his mind.

the tooth fairy frowns, watching him closely. “how so?”

“i haven’t actually fully opened it. i could only let myself see two memories,” she nods, listening intently as jisung runs his hand through his hair.

he bites his lip, a frown making its way onto his face before he continued, “both of which had this girl. we were inseparable, apparently. but in both memories her face is blurred.”

the green fairy sighs. “that does happen to some tooth boxes. either the memories are tampered with time, or they were simply memories that the child wanted to block out. but you did say that you and the girl seemed close? i wonder why younger you had wanted to block those memories out…”

jisung’s eyes fall closed, frustration swirling beneath his chest once more.

he’d taken his tooth box in hopes for answers. and yet here he stands, more and more questions filling his mind—and suffocating his peace.

—

“you’re here.”

your voice came out breathless, though you didn’t mean for it to be. jisung was sitting on your fence, snowflakes flying from his fingertips and his staff at his feet.

his eyes darted to your figure and his lips turned up into a grin. “hello to you too!”

your heart stutters in your chest. so it wasn’t a dream.

jisung grins when he hops off your fence to make his way to you. his staff hanging comfortably from his hands. there was a sense of familiarity that drew him to you, a weird feeling that oddly—reminded him of home.

“you, good lady, happen to be one of the only humans that can see me.” jisung smiles wider when he reaches to stand right in front of you. your neck cranes to look into his eyes, and it satisfies a small part of him that he chooses to ignore.

“good lady?” jisung laughs as you cringe, pushing the hood off his head.

“y’know, like good sir?” you roll your eyes as jisung nods his head to the pile of snow in front of the two of you.

your eyes widen as they finally register the sheer amount of ducks that have been spread across your yard. “what… the?”

jisung laughs and scratches the back of his neck as he watches your reaction carefully.

“i saw you that day. you were making ducks with that contraption of yours—figured it’d be a lot faster if i made them for you.”

you’re still staring at the snow ducks, all in different shapes and sizes, your voice having evaded your throat.

jisung shuffles on his feet, unsure of what to make of your silence. he flicks his fingers at the ducks and watches happily as they come to life.

“this is… this is awesome, jack.”

he stiffens at the name, but smiles nonetheless. you step forward to crouch closer to the ducks, laughing when some of them waddle around you. jisung grins, flicking his wrist to create even more magic with the snow that shoots from his fingertips.

your giggles fill the air as he makes snow glide through the air, before bursting into tiny snowflakes that glitter as the sunshine hits them.

jisung?

the oddly familiar voice distracts the white haired boy, his fingers freezing in the air. you’re still distracted by the snowflakes when jisung feels for the tooth box in his pocket.

‘sung, where’d you go?

“i-i gotta go. i forgot i had some place to be.” he murmurs, tugging the hood of his hoodie back over his head.

your eyes linger on the little ducks all over your feet, “alright. when will i—?”

when you finally tear your eyes away from the snow, the icy boy is nowhere to be found.

—

i… i’m right here.

it was weirdly quiet. jisung felt like he was floating, which was definitely not something he was used to. his eyes were closed, and he couldn’t seem to peel them open.

“park jisung, i swear if you’re hiding just to scare me, i’m going to kill you!”

y/n. where were you? your voice sounded so far away.

it was cold. jisung felt the bite of the freezing winter air, but he didn’t feel the need to care at all.

“‘sung, seriously…” you sounded annoyed. but he was right there.

i’m here!

jisung was convinced that he was trapped in a dream. he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes, or to reply to your annoyed cries.

then he heard your phone ring—a heartbroken gasp tumbles past your lips, and hurried footsteps fade farther and farther away from him.

y/n! i’m right here…

“y/n.” jisung gasps, the tooth box slipping from his fingers. the truth slams into him and brings him to his knees.

your last memory of him, was that he’d ditched you. the revelation wraps around his heart as tears push their way past his strong exterior.

for years he had longed to know who he had been before the man in the moon chose him to be a guardian. for years he longed for a family—one that knew him as park jisung and not as jack frost.

and now, the answers to his prayers were right there, within his reach.

“jack?” north’s deep voice brings him out of the haze he was drowning in.

tears were blurring his vision, but he stood, grabbing his staff before wiping them off with his sleeve. “i… i have a family.”

jisung’s soft voice brings a small smile onto north’s face. the rest of the guardians had been just that all their lives, guardians. jack—jisung, had been the only one who was turned into a guardian after a tragedy that had struck his life.

north had hoped to keep him in the dark for as long as possible, though he knew it was never going to end up that way. when jisung was first introduced as a guardian, he had been so clueless—so accepting of his fate as jack frost, that north had felt it’d been best to allow him to learn to love himself as jack frost, even if that meant not knowing who he was as park jisung.

he had, obviously, been wrong.

“go, ji.”

jisung’s sobs (embarrassingly) get louder, surging forward to wrap his arms around north.

“thank you, north.”

—

something told jisung that you weren’t home. even though he passed by, eyeing the car that sat in your driveway.

the cold winter air was leading him some place else. some place closer to the girl that seemed to feel more and more like home.

“i miss you, ‘sung.”

your lonely whisper just manages to reach his ears as he slows to a stop a couple feet away from where you sat.

his eyes wandered past your seated figure, slowly taking in where the wind had taken him.

a frozen over lake. one that he knew quite well.

it was cold. jisung felt the bite of the freezing winter air, but he didn’t feel the need to care at all.

“where’d you go, ‘sung?” your heartbroken whisper echoes through the empty lake once more, and urges jisung to move closer to you.

“i’m right here.”

you’re startled—your head whips towards his figure before you’re up on your feet. you’re frowning at him, but all he can do is smile warmly back at you.

“jack? what are you—“

he moves forward, flicking his wrists to form makeshift ice skates on your feet. jisung has no idea what he’s doing, but he moves swiftly and hurriedly—transferring the two of you onto the frozen lake.

“jack!” your gasp is full of fear, your hands gripping onto his forearms as jisung glides the two of you across the frozen water.

“i’m so sorry it took me this long to remember you. to remember us, y/n.” jisung’s murmur is quiet, the cold winter air suddenly heats as your eyes find his despite the fear of falling.

it takes a second, but the truth hits you just as hard as it had him a couple hours before.

park jisung was in front of you. his brown hair hair was swapped with strands that were white as snow, his eyes were blue instead of their usual dark brown and his feet were bare—but there was no doubting the sweet smile that etched itself onto his lips and the dimples that came with it.

“…’sung?”

your whisper is breathless once more, and the smile that curves jisung’s lips could not be sweeter.

“hi, darling.”

—

[sitp-recs]

hey there! wondering if you know of any good fics that are demi (or ace)? I read so many amazing fics but sometimes everything being super sexualised is a bit much (no hate !!! just looking for something a bit different atm) really struggling to see myself represented in mainstream media and just life in general rn so was hoping there’s be something out there! thanks <3

Sending love your way dear anon 🤍🖤💜 I’m not ace myself but totally agree and would love to see broader representation in fic. I do have some recs for you, you’re probably already familiar with Little Deaths but I’m including it because it’s one of my favorite fics and a must read imo. I also have a reclist for non-sexual intimacy in case you’re interested :)

Cake is Ace by @bafflinghaze (G, 2.6k)

As part of a dare, Harry and Draco get locked in a cupboard together. Harry swears that it isn’t what it looks like!

Let Me Count the Ways by @thebooktopus (E, 3.5k)

Intimacy comes in many forms. Draco wants to explore them all with Harry.

Ferrety Little Mouths and How to Snog with Them by @fluxweeed (M, 5k)

“I don’t think the size of your mouth has much to do with how good at kissing you are. People with ferrety little mouths can be good snoggers too.” “You’re clearly an expert. You’ll have to teach me.”

Cake, Please by leontina (T, 9k)

Harry is struggling with mental health issues, and Draco is struggling with his sexuality. They both feel alone and broken, until Harry hires Draco as a portrait painter.

Glowing by @cavendishbutterfly (T, 10k)

Harry's lived alone and vampiric in his cottage for ages, until a long-lived Draco Malfoy suddenly shows up to answer an advertisement Harry had practically forgotten he'd put in the Prophet. Cue soft blood drinking, quiet nights of reading and crocheting, and Harry thinking that maybe--just maybe--he might not be so alone anymore.

Infuse With Affection, Enchant With Love by @bafflinghaze (T, 16k)

It starts with Draco making protective pendants for himself, his parents, and his friends, after the war. Something that would watch their backs—and their fronts—as people spat on them in the streets and hexed them in the alleyways. Draco gets better at it, does a course on it, and takes enough commissions for charmed jewellery that he eventually opens his own shop.

Be It Sunny Days Or Stormy Nights by @bafflinghaze (T, 16k)

Harry and Draco are good friends: Harry annoys Draco and Draco insults him back. But slowly, Harry starts to realise just how important Draco is in his life and discovers that relationships need not follow strict lines.

Passion Cake by @icmezzo (T, 19k)

It’s all about desire. (Harry orders a magically enhanced cake from a chic London bakery, and from there it all goes to hell in a cake tin. Also, will someone please tell Harry what Passion Cake is?)

Cake co. by toutcequonveut (T, 21k)

Draco is the ace of cakes! Or: the story of how Draco Malfoy goes from war criminal to baker incredible, makes some unexpected friendships, and learns more about himself along the way. A journey of growth told through cake.

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy's Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) by nerakrose and dustmouth (T, 96k)

Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who's definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry.

[redlimvs]

ive been feeling more down lately and i havent been writing as much but I still wanted to share some bits (summaries) of some things i have...

//

1. He laughed even as they were kissing, he threw his head back every few minutes they talked and touched. Calvin hadn’t noticed the little things Andre had done until he looked closer, until he really got to know the boy behind the entire facade of a troublemaker. The imagination of the boy being absolutely perfect was farther from the truth. Calvin saw nothing wrong with this fact, rather, he was far more attracted to learn the little imperfections Andre seemed to be hiding from anybody else. The way his top teeth overlapped his bottom ones, causing his upper lip to be more out, the way comes out completely burdened with acne and spots all around his face, to Calvin, it simply made Andre look more beautiful. Nothing about who Andre was or how he looked could ever change the ever growing thoughts and emotions Calvin felt towards him, it simply felt like, to him, Andre being imperfect was in fact the most perfect thing about him

2. Taking care of a single person, to them, it’s rotten work, it’s pointless, it has no effect on them if somebody decides to leave them. For them, every single person that came into their life would quickly become a stranger, whether it was their doing or the other person’s faults. He saw how they waited for someone to take them home, not the home they lived in, but the permanent home of the other person’s heart. To say his best friend was homesick was an understatement, no, he was dying to feel the beauty of one’s presence, to have someone never leave his side, no matter how hard things got sometimes. There, he stood in front of his best friend, noticing the little crystals that were his tears, and he too, shed a few as they watched each other intensely. With the few very words he could muster up, he grabbed the blonde’s hands, feeling the softness and the gentleness they truly held. He took a final breath, turning to face the opposite direction before turning back to his friend.

“...I do.”

3. “Why didn’t you do it...?”

After months of planning, after countless times of talking about this exact moment, Andre was too pussy to actually go through with it. How could it, after hearing the idea first come out of Calvin’s mouth about killing themselves when it’s all over after shooting what appeared to be dozens of students, how could he actually agree to it? He blames no one except himself, Andre could have done something, he could have said anything in that moment or any other moment they shared with each other and he could have told Calvin that the idea wasn’t so good.

“You...promised...”

And he did, Andre promised to his best friend that they were going to go through with their plan, together. He never intended to back down but with everything happening so suddenly he couldn’t but get cold feet at the thought of a bullet going through his head. He didn’t mean for any of this to happen, maybe he should have taken better care of the situation and realize the signs Calvin was throwing at him, none of this was supposed to go too far and instead was supposed to just be a way to release all of the anger he had built up, he never meant to shoot anyone, he never meant for Calvin to die like this.

4. What can be sad can also be known as true, something you can’t find in real life will always crawl back into your mind when you dream. Waking up only makes one realize that nothing was ever real, that broken and depressive thoughts that clash in your brain to remind you that there is no hope, there is so saving those who cannot be saved and to those who don’t want to be saved. It’s sad, it’s heartbreaking to come to a consensus that those who suffer may never return back into the arms of those who warm their hearts and their souls. Praying to god no longer does anything, getting down to your knees and begging for redemption only lets them know just how weak you are. Andre hates to go back to that one moment, that moment in the past that makes him rethink the choices he had before, that one moment in his life that made him remember that he too can be weak. The conversation with his dad, the car ride with him, during that time, he couldn’t help but allow his eyes to gaze at his father for a second before facing towards the road again. He had told him how he wasn’t planning on going to prom and instead stayed back to help around, after his shift was over, he couldn’t help this bittersweet feeling in his mind. Did he know? Did his father know something that Andre hadn’t told him, did he feel something suddenly wrong in his son’s presence where he felt he needed to tell him how proud he was of him? That moment had felt like something he’d never expect, it had been one of those moments he felt that something could have been different in his life, maybe something could have happened that would change him for the better. His father was proud of him, but he didn’t feel proud of himself

5. Such a lowly and putrid prince, those who shunned him from the world were correct in the fact that nobody would ever find him as a ruby gem, nobody would dare give him the final dance he needed as a farewell, nobody would give him the satisfaction of cherishing his last moments. Whatever flows in the river of regret and punishment will forever crash and destroy whatever he made up to try and convince himself that there was more to his life than simply rotting forever in his mind. Monarch’s were practically unable to view their own beauty and see how raw and beautiful their wings were, they would never get a chance to see who they were even in their dying breaths. Everybody else was able to see just how perfect they were, but they wouldn’t say anything, they wouldn’t dare speak a word on who they were and simply wait until the last few moments to remind them,

“My, such a beautiful life being put to waste.”

God would never forgive him, he didn’t want him to forgive and he didn’t want to believe everything his parents say about God being real, for if he was real then why give him the life he did not need, why give him the misfortune of seeing his past mistakes simply by looking at his wrists? Bring him terror, bring him fear, bring him everything he always had and take it to his grave, nobody would ever visit him anyways.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Have you ever thought about what it would be like if Eomer and Grima met as children lmao (also love your work🤍 I’m a huge fan of what you write and I’m married to Grima as well he’s my wet pookie)

sometimes there are people who come into my inbox with only the best and most amazing messages - you are one of them! (also thank you so much for the lovely compliments! I'm always so happy when people like my Grima nonsense <3)

I have never considered this but it is objectively hilarious. It would require them being the same age, which shifts their dynamic a bit I think since Grima is, at a minimum, like 13 years older than Eomer but really it's much more like 15 to 20 or more, depending if you're doing book or movie Grima re: age. (Book is ambiguous. He's described as "old" but what does that mean? Aragorn's also old! Anyway, I usually head-canon him as somewhere between 45-50. Eomer's like 27 and making some Peak Life Choices Boy Howdy.)

ANYWAY

Them meeting as children would be a mess. Grima's that kid who is like "I dissected the dead bird the cat brought in, do you want to see it? The insides are interesting--you can see where it might have been ill and dying anyway" and everyone is like "….no". He also suffers from the "everyone thinks I'm a weird freaky asshole so I might as well be the weirdest freakiest asshole they've ever met" - ouroboros situation. I also think he was born prickly which helps little. His natural personality is like pickle brine and life just made it worse.

(Eomer: it's a good thing pickle-backs exist. Shot of whisky followed by a shot of pickle brine. It's great.

Grima: what are you saying??

Eomer: that you're an acquired taste. and sometimes I feel like I've woken up after a bad night at the bar with Eothain.

Grima: .. ….,. .,,.. you know. I'll take it.)

Eomer is rough and tumble and also trying to live up to the Image of His Father. He's also a prince and therefore used to getting what he wants when he wants it. I think he was also born a bit truculent. Like, the slightly compulsive need to just Start Shit with people on occasion is there in his late 20s, I presume it was there in his childhood as well. It's not a constant thing, but when it strikes Eomer cannot resist.

(will this one day end up with him causing an International Incident? possibly.)

At the same time, I think Eomer was a child with a sunny disposition that dampened really swiftly after his parents died and he became a bit grave and serious in his teens. When you're fifteen and taking up your father's mantel and being told that he was a Hero and you're going to be Just Like Him is a lot to hold and I think Eomer's response to it was to try and be the Grave Heroic Lord that people expected him to be. Another ouroboros, just in a different direction to Grima.

All of this to say - them meeting at like twelve? Disaster. Grima would be weird and trying to figure out how to keep Eomer from beating him up or something but he's not perfected the ability to manipulate people or situations because he's twelve. Eomer would be like "why is this freaky kid staring at me and being weird" then would either try and start shit or would ignore him because Eomer is a Prince and Grima is a Commoner.

Also, I think Grima started doing his thieving at a young age and Eomer is at once offended because that is against the law! and you're not supposed to do that! and only sneak-thieves and villains do that! at the same time I can see ten year old him thinking it secretly kind of cool and badass. There's some mischief in Eomer that Grima can prod into the light of day (not to mention the natural desire kids have to test boundaries and push limits).

--

They meet because idk Grima's father is in Edoras for business reasons. It's sheering season, there's wool to sell.

(a half-drabble-thing below the cut)

Grima's loitering in a market square watching people and feeling a bit envious of the other boys who muck about together because he wants to be included but he knows if he tries it'll end poorly so he just watches and feels resentful.

Eomer's been taken to market by Theodred for whom Eomer acts as page since it provides him a quasi-apprenticeship in how to be a good Eotheod lord. Theodred being fourteen years older than Eomer has his household established and is in a good position to take Eomer on. Theodred says, ‘You can take a few hours to yourself. Consider it a half-day holiday.’

Eomer is well-chuffed with this development and is sauntering around with some of his mates. Determining if they’re going to make trouble or not – Eomer is conscious of needing to set a good example and wanting his cousin and uncle’s approval so does talk them out of the more insane ideas.

The squad gets distracted at some stall or other and Eomer isn’t interested in the wares so is looking around. He sees a slight, strange looking kid a few stalls over who is leaning against a pole watching them then he watches some of the common kids who are kicking a ball about in the square, others are running hoops &c. Eomer doesn’t at first pay attention to him because he’s just some peasant. Look at his clothes! Clearly not from Edoras. Clearly some boy from a farm or small village.

Then the boy seems to disappear and Eomer thinks that this is strange. He was sort-of keeping an eye on him since Eomer got a sense that he was planning some mischief but now he’s gone. La!

Into thin air.

Eomer’s mates are done with this stall—they want to go to another. Or maybe find a cockfight to bet some of their allowance on. All else fails, they say, we can go up to the first floor of the White Hart and look at the girls passing by.

This all sounds swell to Eomer and the roudy group makes their way towards the back of the market where the more dubious activities occur. As they round a corner Eomer collides into someone who hadn’t been there but a moment ago. It’s the boy from before! The little rat-faced one with the greasy dark hair and large eyes.

Eomer’s back up and dusting himself off as one of Eomer’s friends hauls the boy to his feet, ‘Don’t you watch where you’re going? Eh? We’re walking here, can’t you see?’ He’s jabbing into the boy’s chest and the boy is in turns frightened but also, somehow, sneering at them as if he were their better. The boy is gripping his hands into fists and there is dirt between fingers, as if he had grabbed up something from the ground. ‘What’s that smell? Sheep-shit? Wool? You got wool for brains?’

Eomer is all, ‘Leave him alone. He’s not worth it.’ And his friend laughs, wags a finger at the boy, ‘You’re lucky we’re kind.’ Then they’re off and Eomer doesn’t really think about the encounter until they’re at the cockfight and he goes for his purse to put a bet on and finds it lighter than it was an hour ago.

When they crashed into that boy.

And Eomer recalls a hand near his back then his belt but he hadn’t thought much of it. Just thought the boy was floundering a bit, being knocked over as he was, and Eomer so much bigger than he.

The little bastard nicked some of his money!

The little bastard is good if he got some but not all. Too smart to take the whole purse, too smart to cut it. The fall must have loosened it enough for some of the coin to fall out and the boy grabbed it up. Eomer thinks he should report the theft, because no one is above the law as his cousin tells him with regularity. As Third Marshal it will be Eomer’s job to ensure that justice is dispensed. It will be his job to ensure that the laws of the land are enacted fairly, honestly.

But it was only a few coins. In any case, Eomer doesn’t think the boy could stand the whipping that would follow. He had a pinched, starved look about him. That cringing, mincing manner some apprentices get when their masters are hard handed. When his friend was jabbing a finger into the boy’s chest Eomer had half expected the ribs to cave in.

Best leave him be. He’ll get his comeuppance at some point should the boy makes it to manhood with the same unwise habits.

Fishing out some pennies, Eomer says, ‘I’m going in on the cockerel with the green feathering on its wings.’

‘Only five pence? And that bird is going to lose, look how small he is!’

‘He may be small, but I think he’s got some cunning in him. In any case, thrift can be the mark of a wise man.’

His friends laugh: oh ho ho, Eomer sounds like a grandfather. Look at their friend the prince Eomer, trotting about as if he were a sage.

Eomer rolls his eyes, grabs one of his friends closest to him to knuckle his head, then they are cajoled into behaviour by the pressure and presence of the crowd.

Eomer’s bird wins the day. He preens all the way home.

~

Years on from then, Eomer will be visiting his uncle and cousin in Edoras and his uncle will say, ‘Come meet the man Aethelrod has marked as his successor, once he can no longer perform the role of Law Speaker.’

Eomer will say that Aethelrod has years left in him, surely? And his uncle will laugh his loud laugh that fills the golden hall: Oh yes, he’ll be long lived. Still, best to think about the future early.

When Eomer follows his uncle out through the golden pillars and the golden doors of Meduseld into the sun, he will see the broad, soft face of Aethelrod at the top of the stairs and behind him a tall man built lightly, with dark hair and large eyes. And Eomer will look at the man and the man will look at Eomer and Eomer will think the face to be familiar though he cannot place it. The man will bow, a perfectly executed action of someone who practices. Aethelrod will thump the man’s chest with his large fist and say, ‘This is Grima son of Galmod, found him out in the hinterlands some years back. He’s whip-fast and clever as an adder. He’ll do well for a Law Speaker, my lord. He’ll do very well indeed.’

And the man with the large eyes will seem to stare through Eomer then he will smile and it will be one of dark amusement. As if there were some joke being played at Eomer’s expense. Eomer’s back will get up, his skin will bristle, he will think that this man from the hinterlands shouldn’t be so confident or comfortable. He has yet to prove himself, after all.

It will be later, months or years on from the introduction, when Eomer will be rounding a corner in Meduseld and he will collide with Grima who has somehow made himself a fixture in Theoden’s household and Eomer cannot help but think there a secret, subtle magic at work. Because who is this man? No one has heard of him? Who is his father? Some shepherd from the east Emnet. No one of note or noble name. And if a man has no name or history can he be trusted?

In any case, they will collide and Grima will step back begging his pardon, he will be bowing, and Eomer will be saying, ‘It’s fine, don’t worry about it’ and Grima will be leaving, their shoulders will be brushing, and Eomer will think he feels the ghost of a hand at his back, his belt-purse, and when he looks over his shoulder he will see Grima also looking back and Eomer will realize oh Gods, it’s that kid. It’s that boy who nicked half my allowance that one day. And he will wonder at himself and how it was he never made the connection, but the moment is over because Grima is gone—back to the main hall where he will weave his plans for advancement and Eomer is in his room, checking his purse, and thinking to himself: I could have sworn there was a cup on the bedside table. A pretty one with gold in the rim. I could have sworn I left it there this morning.

[yuwumeniji]

Sick Days w/ Luxiem

Don't come any closer! What if you catch my cold?

WARNING: Please remember that I am writing about Luxiem based on their characters online and not of the people behind their vtuber avatars, thank you!

EXTRA NOTES: lmao i've been feeling so lethargic lately,,, inspiration struck..... also not proofread as usual lmao

Let's set the stage!

Established relationships between the reader and the luxiem boys

Overall self-indulgence

the reader is the one sick in this scenario

MORE UNDER THE CUT!

⊰᯽⊱┈───── ✧ ─────┈⊰᯽⊱

IKE EVELAND

the type of person to nurse you back to health very well, like you'd think he's a nursing student or something like that

ike "i literally can't take care of myself" eveland goes above and beyond when it comes to you

do you want blankets? porridge(or soup, idk your choice)? maybe a little massage? ike will do anything within his power to make sure you are well rested

he also uses the time to spend time by your bed as well - he makes it sound like you're dying and he's spending your remaining hours together in bed (with him on the side)

"y/n, i can't believe you're leaving me so soon *sniffles into a tissue*"

"ike, i literally just have a cold"

"IS THERE ANYTHING YOU NEED DEAR?"

you're also forced to listen to his literary rants like, you're bedridden - the perfect victim proofreader for his manuscripts

there is a 50/50 chance he catches your cold (he also expects to be babied if that is the case)

LUCA KANESHIRO

"BABE ARE YOU DYING ??? *pien*"

"Luca, it's only a cold, i'm fine?"

"BEING SICK UNPOG !!!"

he acts as if it is the end of the world even if you sneeze - how much more if you're sick sick ???

he does baby you a little too much, even if his intentions were pure, he somehow manages to make you feel even more tired with the cold - but it's cute watching him try

he tries to mimic what the mafia members did when he was sick as a child, and he often made phone calls back home to check if he did the right thing; in fact, a lot of the family servants offered to step in for him, but he says that because you're his love, he has to be the one who takes care of you (it brought tears to the kaneshiro servants' eyes)

"ARE YOU COLD?" he doesn't cover you with more blankets, instead, he hugs you - he once heard somewhere that human body warmth is warmer than the thickest, most warmest of blankets and thought that it was true.

he's a little noisy too - you overheard a few pots and pans falling about because he was a bit too frantic in finding the right things

they say idiots can't catch colds and somehow, luca proved it to be right (endearing). however he does get the sniffles

MYSTA RIAS

he's actually an angel, like, sent from the gods and everything

after living alone for quite sometime, mysta is used to being sick on his own, so he uses whatever methods from then for you

because you're sick, his meals actually taste good - and he would melt if you said that

"Are you feeling a little cold? C'mere."

god he knows about the "body warmth" thing too and holy hell is he warm. once his arms were around you, you half expected him to do something pervy, but he didn't. he just hugged you, peacefully. he really wanted to make sure you were warm enough (he also just wanted to use you as a body pillow and fell asleep faster than you did)

you can't tell if it's because you're sick or it's because he's a little more romantic than usual - he's normally on the brash side, but even then, this is quite heart-fluttery

he definitely catches your cold. and complains about it (he wants to be babied by you too)

SHU YAMINO

he relied on wiki-how to learn how to take care of a sick person,,, don't @ me on this one... and then maybe called his mom and asked how to take care of a sick person. even with his knowledge, he can be quite the clumsy person

as a sorcerer, he takes pretty good care of his health - i mean with the profession, there are a lot more life-threatening things than a little cold, so he doesn't experience one quite often

he was half expecting something to appear out of thin air when he heard you sneeze

"Would putting this drink in my chicken mug make you feel better?"

he's so cute trying to run around the house to find things that would soothe the pain without having to use his magic (i mean if he could use his magic, he would)

he calls his mom to ask her what kind of foods to give to a sick person while you were asleep - you best know that his mom later tells you the next time you meet his family

he doesn't catch your cold at all - his health is at tip top shape

VOX AKUMA

"what do you mean i can't touch you :( "

"vox.."

"it's from the show! you know you should trust things from a tv show!"

vox is banned from entering your bed to cuddle with you - he pretends to know about the "body warmth" thing mentioned earlier from movies, but in reality he's just a very touchy-feely demon and can't stay away from you

even so, out of all the members, he knows how to take care of a sick person to the point it makes you wonder if he was a doctor or a nurse during his years wandering earth

food? he's literally a 5 star michelin chef and you could feel your sickness go away with just one bite

need to be cooler? warmer? he's got your back (literally, with a wet towel if need be) ((or a thicker blanket))

bored? he'll tell you a story of his past and even tucks you into bed before starting

he never catches your cold ever - a demon like him could withstand arrows and a measly cold will not take him down (also he becomes the biggest baby who needs to be coddled if he gets sick)