#sometimes i start to think if im seriously mentally ill

[kawaii-koimi]

i think i need to get back to translating so i could keep my emotions and my thoughts in check. get my mind off things. or else i'd really break down one of these days.

[e8luhs]

i didnt realize i had OCD for a long time. i never talked about it with anybody because i just never took it very seriously i suppose. everything i read about OCD would make me say "yeah i get that but its not that bad" and often the way that OCD is described its like people think its some magical fucked up thing that your brain is doing to you. for me that just... isnt the case. i thought for a long time i NEEDED to have moral scrupulosity to be a good person. a lot of the obsessions that i have are very rooted in some form of reality for me. i have OCD spirals about homelessness because i dealt with housing insecurity for years, got kicked out by my mom, and jumped into another abusive situation immediately afterwards where homelessness was held over my head to keep me in line again. i pore over my budgeting spreadsheet and calculate all of my finances for the next 3 months in advance several times over and over again because when i get the wrong numbers it scares me and i need to make sure im doing it right. i was like... well its not like im locking my door 6 times exactly to make sure that my dog doesnt die so i guess that couldnt be me. not to say that thats not how it can manifest for some people and i can see where the internal logic would get you from point a to point b in that case still but you know what i mean. i just took that very literally so i never knew

i know im mentally ill but i dont Know that im mentally ill sometimes. like i dont realize the depths in which being mentally ill affects me until someone actually lets me talk about how my thought process works on a fundamental level. same with being traumatized really. its always like i can talk about what happened to me and i can talk about my symptoms in concept but i never talk about how i really truly feel about anything and when i do it just hits me like ohhhh. this isnt normal.....

[i-yap]

Disorders batboys s/o have( dick and jason ver)

Im a psychology student and i think everyone in this world has some symptoms if not full blown disorders. I also struggle with GAD and I have worked in 2 psychiatric hospitals so far in one I got a lot of readings+ 2 months , 8hrs on weekdays hospital shifts in 4 sectors. I don't mean to offend anyone but if you have a certain disorder it does determine a lot of your personality traits and therefore make you incompatible with certain types of people. this is just a " oh I think the batboys could take care or be compatible with someone with this disorder enough to not hamper their healing "

Anyways..(im so scared to post this)

Dick grayson- mood disorders (major depressive diroder. bipolar disorder, seasonal depression, burnout)

Dick is this silent mother hen sort of figure. he loves taking care of others, it fills him with altruistic feelings and helps him feel needed. Someone with a mood disorder needs someone they can go and be sad with without feeling judged. Dick understands that burnt out feeling really well. He understands how sometimes you just want to let your feelings go through you. He is warm sunshine personified, joyful calm and reliable. He likes taking care of you, the small quiet moments. He will find small personal ways to make your mood a little more bearable however he can without overwhelming you.

"he comes back from his crime fighting to find you in bed. he recognizes your mood instantly. slowly approaching you and gently kissing you awake .

"hey baby ", "youre back dickie" "mhm how long have you been in bed?" " I don't know" "I'm starting a bath, would you like to join me" "I don't really feel like moving" "ill carry you" ."

Jason todd- anxiety disorders ( generalized anxiety disorder(gad), phobia, panic attacks, separation anxiety disorder(sad))

gad- the fact that jason literally fights crime every night and is super impulsive/doesnt care about his safety, so seeing you almost ripping your head off from worry for him not only warms his heart ( he thinks you hate him and struggles to believe that YOU could give someone like him any attention but here you are) but also makes him take better care of himself for your sake. he hates seeing you worried but he loves calming you down. holding your hands tight, replecating meditation style breathing and mindfulness practices. kissing you overthinking head. hugging you when you stress cry, giving you massages.

Phobia- he understands triggers better than anyone else, he will be your big bad protector making sure to help you avoid the item that's causing you phobia. holding your hand and hiding you behind him if you have social anxiety, making sure to avoid triggering environments if you have agoraphobia, killing all snakes in the world if you have a phobia of them( he seriously suggests it but you stop him cuz it'll hurt the ecosystem)

Panic attacks- he has them too, either you have learned a way to deal with them and teach him or he has learned a way to deal with them and helps you . if he hasn't before meeting you, he has a new much stronger motivation to learn techniques or medication that can help deal with them for your sake and therefore also accelerate his healing

seperation anxiety-.. he has it too so like.( ik its more common in kids but adult sad is also a thing) both of you are clingy, its a win win for you two , fuck the rest of the world

again this is just my opinion okay? don't make mental health a taboo , if this post was about batboys x blind! y/n no one would have an issue. mental health is a condition and sometimes its out of our control, it depends on so many factors. Its nothing to be ashamed or scared of.

[cadaverskey]

if i'm being entirely honest i find the term "spiritual psychosis" annoying at best. it makes me feel as though i, as someone with schizoaffective disorder, need to work extra hard to "prove" my spiritual beliefs are valid.

here's the thing. my spirituality has always been and will always be flavored and colored by being schizoaffective. even when i was an atheist i could not untangle the two. there's never going to be a way for me to know where the line is drawn between my spiritualism and my psychosis. for example i will probably never shake the idea that i died and was resurrected, and that event holds SIGNIFICANT spiritual meaning for me, even on antipsychotics, even when i can recognize that yes, it's probably the remains of a delusion.

so please tell me, why is it anyone else's business if i incorporate that into my religious practices? it harms no one and gives me one more reason to rejoice. if it started causing actual problems, putting me in danger, causing me distress, bringing along disorganized thinking or anything of the sort, that's when it would be time for me to get help. but really and truly i would not want random people im not close with to tell me to get that help, especially if their only clues into my mental state come from my spiritual practices. i am not a dog to be taken to the vet. sometimes people are psychotic and we exist in your communities and we have religious beliefs and you have GOT to suck it up and allow space for us, however our conditions affect us and our practices.

it's also just. buries my face in my hands. you can just say psychosis, you don't need a special term for it. again it just makes me feel like i'm being singled out and not being taken seriously because there's a long LONG history of psychotic/schizospec people having our mental illnesses used as reason to disregard us. please just mind your business.

[greennoobartist]

Before I start to ramble randomly over Vio like i always do at midnight lmao

I was curious...

How many of my friends and mutuals actually care about my age and my religion? (Anther rant terribly sorry)

After these vents and rambles I've given, i think that knowing my age would give an even deeper aspect and better understanding... Like.... Understanding the difference between my behavior what is like and what it should be....i think it would provide some more proof that im actually just dumb and blind... I mean....i sometimes think like....there's a reason i had those titles thrust upon me, it can't be just out of thin air, it wasn't out of thin air....

Im always trying to be honest to ppl but now I see how much im actually not honest....at least to myself... I feel like when it comes to seeing truth that ppl now here are telling me is obvious, i feel like im blindfolded and just stupid to see it and accept it...

I accept the support but what is this goddamn feeling telling me to just give up? Just to forfeit in my hopes and listen to what I've been told? Why can't I just accept what I know is true and is right and just live a right and happy life!?!?

...

....

...

Actually... What am I saying?....

Happiness and childhood were a limited time offer in my life, or that's how I feel... Im not living the way I should, im aware of it.... I know im not okay and that my life isn't okay and that my environment isn't okay and that my family isn't okay and that my life as a whole has came to a seemingly never ending downfall and just isn't okay.... BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT!?! I DON'T KNOW WHERE'S THE PROBLEM!!! IT JUST THERE FUCKING MAKING ME SUFFER BUT NOT LETTING ME DIE!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT!!! LIKE A CJRSE OR POISON OR A FOREVER LASTING FLAME!!..... I don't remember my life before this era..... I don't remember the happy days anymore..... I don't know anymore what my life should be like.... I just know that it shouldn't be like this....cuz this is a shithole....

Everything that i once loved about life.... All happy memories.... I just....don't remember them anymore.... I don't remember how my life was like.... 3 years ago...

I know i should seek help, i know i should go tell a certified person to help me.... But.... From previous post.... Backup....

I have no proof, i have no backup, i have no support from family, i have no one to back me up to at least make this sound real when it is... All talk but no proof... How can I make sure my family and the certified person will believe me enough to help me? I can't fight against this alone, i should ask my family to help me with this mental illness im fighting with to take care of it.... But i never told them.... How would they believe me?? How to make sure that ill make them aware that their cheerful and forever successful daughter actually went through such pain these 3 years? .... Possible abuse even... Oh my God.... Oh my God..... I could've.... I could've went through abuse and i wasn't even aware of it on time... And i never told anyone to prevent it on time..... Oh my God....

Am I actually being abused??? Oh my God.... Why.... Why was i blind..... I might've went through abuse completely on my own and bottled it up all on myself and let it boil within me and cause all this.... Actually.... Am I still being abused?.... Oh my fucking God....

....

.....

Am I being abused???

(Oh my God I should seriously seek professional help, none of y'all should be listening to this, it's not your business y'all are not classified or have to help.... Oh my God....)

[sleepyhouse2art]

this is an old drawing of joey from i think 2021, the year i started seriously drawing. its the first one of him i did. before that i did some zines and posters for shows but i never drew for myself after i was 12, although before that i had really loved to draw. when i was 12 i had to go move in with my dad in seattle because after a bunch of stuff tbh i wont go into it but the precipitating incident was one august my mom socked my grandpa and went walking naked down their street. so my grandparents drove me halfway to washington, and my dad picked me up and drove the rest of the way. i hadnt seen him since i was 8 -- we got in a car accident and he never came again. when i moved in, he had a girlfriend who lived with him. and i had never even ridden a city bus before except as a very little kid in providence.

my dad signed me up that summer, because i liked to draw and i didnt have any friends and i think he didnt know what to do with me, to this fancy atelier program for kids. it was every day at this really pretty private catholic school. they used one of the buildings in the off-season. anyway, i went there and i worked hard on my little cartoons. but very quickly i found myself very embarrassed, because all the kids were leagues better than me. they could draw hyperrealistically. a pretty girl i had a crush on lent me a book on the anatomy of trees, which i studied for her but never returned. gradually i grew to hate it there, because i felt too low to belong even though the kids were nice to me. one of the grownup artists who helped out gave me her gaia online username.

the time came for the end of program show, and i lied to my dad. i told him that the show was canceled when it really wasnt, and i went by myself and skulked around. after that i didnt draw anymore, except for sometimes little punk zines and posters for shows, but never just to draw. i think i broke my own heart by not being good enough. it was really all my fault.

i was always mentally ill i guess -- ive had an ed since i was 12, and ive always had problems, like id tried to kill myself before and stuff, but when i hit 20 i started getting really sick. that was the year i first got involed. it was very, very bad. it fucked me up. my therapist told me they did things they shouldnt have done. i am super scared of hospitals because of that and some other times ive been in the hospital where really fucked up things happened to me. i have developed a crazy fear in particular of being restrained and having people sit on me. i think the next time i go they will rape me and kill me (the hospital emergency room down the street from my house has holes in the ceiling), and when my psychiatrist and my therapist tell me its time to go now, i cry a lot and beg them not to send me and that i will be raped and killed, and so they let me stay at home where my husband takes care of me. its safer for me here and nobody can do bad stuff to me. i get to be with my cats who are healers and from god. my life is pretty baller now, even if we are poor. i draw a ton because there isnt much expected of me and we dont need much. we own our house. my husband has a small job. really the only really bad thing in my life is getting sick like i do, or i guess being sick like i am. i hate my schiz, but i cant really do anything about it. also i hate sleeping, which people tell me doesnt help. i have a lot of symptoms and take a lot of pills. its ok tho.

so i draw. i write and i draw A LOT. often i sit and i draw for 14 hours straight or longer. making stuff makes me fee normal and happy and useful. i talk to my best friend all day, the one who i write the kirche street pharmacy stories with. they are the best.

anyway, thats why this drawing is a little special to me, i guess. im glad i made it. im glad i picked back up drawing. im glad you guys like my drawings sometimes!!! thank you thank you thank you. i hope you like this very old drawing of my very loud slutty one-legged son from brooklyn

[murdockmeta]

there's a lot that I can say about Wade's character in the most recent movie so like. I guess I am gonna say it. Wade is pretty genuine in his own way. I feel like that's such an important aspect of his character. like okay YES he says shit just to fuck with people sometimes but for the most part?? Wade is genuine.

even in the comics, in the early days, the reason behind Wade saying Goofy Wacky Shit was that he was 💫mentally ill💫 (yes, this is ableist, but not the point). the point is that Wade, at his core, is genuine. I think that's what all the people saying the movie is "homophobic" or "not queer enough" don't get. cause like yes everything is framed as a joke.

but Wade explicitly states IN THE MOVIE that he turns everything into a joke on purpose. there is truth in almost everything that he says/does. and this is made painfully obvious during several points in the movie. like how far does Wade have to go before you guys start believing him? is it when he very seriously is holding dogpool and being concerned about her mistreatment (even tho it's played for laughs, just like every single instance I'm about to list)? is it when he's trying to give CPR to a headless nicepool while no one else is around? is it when he declares Cassandra is ableist for using a disabled man's mobility aid? is it when he's straight-faced setting sexual boundaries with what he assumes are male sex workers at his bday party? is it when he's quoting johnny word for word (after being told he could) and it results in johnny being murdered? is it when Logan flatly asks if Wade has ADHD? when? when does it stop being a joke?

that's the Thing about Wade's character. he was made to be a joke. but when writers (in the comics) realized they had to make him an actual Character, they had a problem. they solved that problem by making those jokes Real. im not saying there isnt bullshit that comes out of his mouth. but there really is a point where you have to draw a line. you have to be able to know Wade's character well enough to know when hes not joking. knowing whether he is or not is like its own in-joke. do you guys get it yet?

[brighteyes-things]

Deadpool/ wolverine as thing's me and my friends have said or heard

💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️

So it's been a while since I've written anything, and me and my friends now have the poolverine, dead claws.... wolverine and Deadpool itch

So in honor of our collected brain rot, these are some random things that we've heard/said that we think Deadpool or wolverine would say. Yes this will be updated as more things are said

WARNING: cursing, somewhat sexual jokes, mention of alcohol

Wade Wilson (Deadpool) ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"I wasn't expecting to get turned on by a shirtless Hugh Jackman but God damn I'm not complaining"

"I don't feel fem boy enough, I need more eyeliner"

"I'm not a furry, but I'd fuck a man with cat ears"

*While sipping something* "you think I can use my boobs to hold this?"

"he's giving emo babygirl"

"you must FIRMLY grasp the booty"

"I can't just leave the house, I have to get my big boots on"

"you can't just slap my ass and leave"

"IM A MAN" *buys the pink strawberry skin care set from bath and body*

"I'm very gay and not afraid to kiss the movie poster to prove it"

"you ever think Slenderman is trying to recruit us for something"

"NO, no more black veil bride music, I'm not suffering through your emo phase again"

*mocking twilight* "WHY WOULD HE IMPRINT ON THE BABY, THAT'S FUCKED UP"

"I swear Batman only owns an adoption center just in case someone dies and he needs another mentally ill orphan"

*breaks a cabinet door just for gummy bears* (yes this happened by accident)

"I'd rob hot topic for those lollipop razor blade earrings"

"I know I'm mentally ill, I watch bluey and cry"

"I have to beat the fem boi allegations"

"I don't know why but I feel like I give off beta vibes"

"you'll never believe the ABO fic I just read"

"she's becoming an animae obsessed fan girl, it's a canon event I can't stop it, OH GOD SHE DISCOVERED WATTPAD"

*while watching crime TV* "this man needs to be put to death, he didn't eat the chocolate frosting on the cupcakes"

*while looking in the mirror* " I love my slutty man hips"

This dress doesn't scream "fuck me" enough

*talking about cosmic brownies* THE GIRTH

Logan (wolverine) 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

"I've become the caretaker to everyone, and I don't know how to feel"

"Ryan Reynolds could run me over with a truck and I'd apologize after I curse him out because...I GOT RAN OVER STILL"

*sees an animal on the side of the road* "poor kitty"

"fanart definitely scares me sometimes"

*gets kissed on the cheek* "that's GAY"

"you can't just eat the cup to get to the last drop of coffee"

"just how long is your simp list now, and why am I on it"

"that's unamerican, un-lawful, and downright not patriotic"

"no I don't wanna know the details of what you and your partner did, I'm trying to eat"

"stop trying to throw stuff in my boobs, it's annoying when I find crumbs of cookies in there"

"how did the least qualified of us, somehow graduate first AND have a baby in the span of a year"

"how'd I get rejected from Hooters?"

"you're an omega and you know it"

"your the reason they started bagging the peaches at Aldi's"

"how the hell did you burn yourself with a candy cane?!"

"it's only alcohol abuse if you spill anything"

"You're not a god, you're just dehydrated and read too much fanfiction"

"it's only gay if you don't have socks"

*staring at a pet rabbit* "that little demon is purposely chewing up my shit and you know it"

"did you just John Cena the clothes"

"I hope you know that I don't trust you with cleaning the dishes properly"

"did you seriously just compare little Debbie brownies by girth?"

[immortal-lov3r]

sophies glow up guide.. (simple)

this has been a work in progress for over 2 weeks! ive been procrastinating to get this done, so im excited to share this with you! DISCLAIMER i am not professionalised in this! i am only giving out advice on whats worked for me.

want to glow up? but dont know where to start? well here is your simple glow up guide, we will go over-

health

hygiene

skincare

attitude and mindset

this will be your basic glow up guide, simple and easy to read and follow with.

health and nutrition:

your health is one of the most important things in your life! It affects your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. that's why it's so important to be productive about your health and try to prevent illness and disease etc.

fitness:

im not going to deep within this as your fitness levels are based on personal experience and i recommend to consult a doctor before doing an extreme amount of exercise.

rather than aiming 10k steps as people ask you too, start aiming for 5k, its obtainable for a busy person or someone who doesn't walk as much, overall walking is very beneficial.

if you have ability join a sport, dance and or gym! they keep you healthy and fit and can be super fun!

try a simple workout, pilates, dance, yoga biking, running etc, there are lots of youtube videos and even apps for workouts.

if you can walk places, as i said its very beneficial for your health and keeps your in shape.

nutrition:

I'm not going to go super deep into this, as no diet fits everyone and please consult with your doctor before taking dieting or anything like that seriously.

slowing start eating healthy, you can still eat your cravings and have yummy meals just try to balance out your diet with healthy foods, good fats, carbohydrates, protein, sugar and bad fats.

eat less sugar. sugar has many reasons why its bad for you to have over your daily intake so try to eat less sugars while still eating your fav treats!

dont skip breakfast! i know people saying doing omad (one meals a day) is good for you and skipping breakfast can befit weight lose, but no, breakfast is one of the most important meals so use it for high protein and fibre meals .

eat more friut and veg, simple as that.

hygiene:

hygiene is so important because it is what keeps you clean and healthy. hygiene should be one of your top priorities for your day. hygiene effects how people think of you, what you think for yourself etc.

brush your teeth well! brushing your teeth well keeps your breathe smelling good, clean teeth.

wash your body- washing your body with soap and or body wash and sometimes even a nice body butter can keep you clean and smelling good.

look after your skin- find out your skin type and get a cleanser for your skin type. find out if silicon based or water based is better for you skin.

skincare:

skincare is such a hard thing to ace! here is a simple routine and tips for you to ace your skincare. skincare is meant to help cleanse your skin and leave your skin feeling amazing.

routines:

cleanse - take a few minutes to cleanse your skin, even a simple micellar water will get rid of will get rid of makeup and dirt.

toner - toning is a great thing to use to help refresh skin especially if it includes ingredients like witch hazel which helps tightens pores.

serum- a plain hydration serum or some hyloronic acid etc will be enough to keep your skin looking going through your day

moisturiser- this is what keeps your skin moisturised for the day or can give you breakouts so be careful you pick the right one for your skin type look out for ingredients like Vitamin E, glycerin, Pro-Vitamin B5, and borage Seed Oil, which are all great moisturisers for your skin. 

attitude and mindset:

mindset:

believing that you can grow, change, and improve is the best mindset to have, if you settle once you've done something and never try to accomplish greater you will have little success in life.

goal-setting mindset.

knowing what you want and willing yourself to reach it are two different things. when you know your goals, they motivate you. set high goals and don't stop until you reach them.

focused mindset.

one of the worst setbacks that can happen is losing focus and allowing procrastination to happen. discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

positive mindset.

choosing to be positive and having a good attitude will determine a lot about your life. be positive, not passive. instead of giving yourself reasons why you can't or shouldn't, give yourself reasons why you can and should go for it.

attitude:

positive attitude

a positive attitude is more than just smiling often and acting cheerful when others are around. it’s a way of looking at the world with optimism and hopefulness, where others would only see obstacles and dead ends. 

be kind to yourself

work on self improvement

step back and focus on goals

spend time with nature

talk to other people / meet new people

act with a purpose

be around positive people

thank you for reading this far! <3 i hope you enjoyed.!

i am always open to suggestions for my posts, my dms are open <3

[fairycosmos]

I have a crush on u and it's actually making me kinda sad. its embarrassing, I don't know u, u don't know me. and there's not really a 'chill' way to begin conversation (not that u'd like me anyway, so no point, lol). I get internet crushes are embarrassing n stupid. but seeing how u respond to people alone, is enough for me to feel something u kno? it never fails to amaze me how attentive & present & thoughtful and deeply compassionate u are to each & every person. it's never dismissive in the slightest, and doesn't feel like ur attending to an 'audience' but actually just so attentive and in tune in the most resonant way with each person. u care. u have such a great capacity to empathise w others, to make people feel seen n heard. and it somehow seems effortless, and just undeniably genuine. you're special. please preserve this precious part of u.

awwww angel you are so so sincerely sweet <3 dw i get this for ppl online sometimes it's sort of a parasocial thing but then it's also about like. finding companionship and security and a sense of true appreciation for ppl online in the absence of having it IRL and i can totally understand how that can morph into some semblance of a crush if you get crushes on people quickly. i really really appreciate it and am so deeply flattered for real <3 esp with how fucking unloveable i feel all the fucking time lmfao!! the thing is i know it's soooo cliche but i think it's just easy to read me that way on here when in reality i am just straight up not that emotionally or physically desirable - and u would get over it quickly if you knew me, i absolutely promise lmfao. anyway it's prob cringe and unhealthy but yeah i Absolutely do care ab the ppl who make an effort to interact with me and open up to me on here and i find a lot of solace in knowing im not the only one who is severely mentally ill and struggling lmfao. i very much want people to feel seen and heard like i rmr when i was 16 and people first started telling me ab their lives on here and i was like Well i know how shit it is to feel unacknowledged and if i can give that to this person through my silly little blog why fucking not - whether it resonates with them or not, whether able to solve anything for them or not. i don't think it's anything particularly special, in fact i think a lot of people feel the same on here which is why we're often so open and vulnerable with each other, but yeah i am just another person trying my best. and this blog has been a massive comfort to my during a time where i have been genuinely entirely emotionally isolated and honestly not reading reality correctly or healthily - i know i still don't. i'm like not right in the head in a way that isn't easy to explain away and i know a lot of people on here are too (lmfao sounds like shade but i mean it earnestly.) so i think it's a two way street and i appreciate the ppl who keep up with me and who i keep up with a lot, prob more than i can articulate. i do make the effort to not be dismissive and i really adore you for seeing that and being truly kind about it. ab the feeling of having a crush - again, i am seriously so flattered and blushing and screaming inside at the absolute compliment lmfao. if ur ever in a place where you want to get to know someone (and obviously ur around my age and you think we'd get along well) - hey my dms are open!! i'd love to know ya and keep up with you too. MWAH <3

[seeminglydark]

I just read your post about how you only really started working on comics seriously at 35 and now you're 41, and I burst into tears immediately upon reading it.

I've wanted to be an author since I was 5. I put my first piece of work out for the public (a fanfic) two years ago, at age 33. Before that I had to spend three literal decades pulling my life together through trauma and disability and mental illness. My dad is currently sick with something that could either last another ten years, or take him away tomorrow. I've never seen another person with so many similarities to my own life actually talk about it openly.

I'm a brand new reader, I only know you through tumblr (trying to find downtime to really read things for fun is a constant challenge) but I've resonated so much with your art. Thank you so much for your post and for being so open. You've given me a much-needed dose of hope at a very hard time.

hey anon, if it is acceptable i am giving you a great big internet hug. life is SO so hard. and i am SO proud of you, i dont even know you but it sound like youve been through so much and it sounds like you've made it so far. im so happy you exist.

one of my main goals is to be really open about my struggles cuz i know that some people cant be, and i know that these things need to be heard. i wish someone had told me. im so beyond words to know it can help other people too cuz sometimes its scary to sorta lay yourself out there. so thank you. keep posting your work when you can. i believe in you. and i am sending all the positive vibes in the world to you and to your dad as well.

reading comics and finding time is hard, im barely able too myself. i have a lot of people around me who just like to look at the drawings i make, so with most of them i try and tell a little story, and i think tumblr is the place im most open and comfortable, cuz this community is so incredible. whether you can read the whole comics or just enjoy the art, i appreciate the hell out of you.

and hey, no matter if youre 15, or 25, or in your 30's or older than me, im so proud you, and its never ever to late to take a first, second or third step. youre doing great.

[sidebaxolotl]

May God bless you. I've looked to your blog for discussions about Side B Christianity for a while now and I appreciate your vulnerability and sincerity. Thank you. Your tags in the wake of recent debates about trans people where you've talked about wanting to kill people have been pretty disheartening to see. While I wouldn't want to judge you, I think you might be better off taking some distance from thoughts and topics which stir up such bitter feelings and seeking solace. I pray for you to feel at peace and hope for your joy and contentedness in all aspects of life.

Thank you friend!!

I should be clear because people who dont know me will probably take me too seriously--I use hyperbole a lot. Like A LOT. Its part of how I use humor to cope with things or just my own personal brand of silliness.

If it helps, what I'm really saying is that I am deeply angry with how womanhood/sapphic attraction is being appropriated and reduced to nonsense. And that actual women/sapphics are being bullied and ignored by voicing their disagreements with gender ideology. I'm angry in a similar way that we as a society have enabled what is clearly debilitating mental illness to be normalized with "treatment" that mutilates people and calls on everyone to deny reality instead of fixing the actual issue.

And that anger at sin and injustice is appropriate and valid, even if I express it in a goofy/hyperbolic way. I try to express my thoughts, esp in these asks in a more serious academic way but sometimes you will get the hyperbolic "im ending it all" "im gonna start k-wording people" bc i don't always have the energy to verbalize that and thats just how i express myself sometimes.

If I ever say these things or advocate for them in a non ironic/joke-y matter then feel free to call me on that. But in this case its really just me being hyperbolic if that helps.

[lovecorevillain]

this might be random but do you have any headcanons of the Daltons/lucky luke cause now they are my hyperfixation and yes I've joined a pretty much dead fandom but I was to hear your thoughts.

(only if u want to ofc)

hiiii anon its been. so insanely long since ive thought abt lucky luke and the daltons rotated them in my small brain but i love looove them as a characters so very dearly to this day and id be more than happy to give u. some of my carefully thought out (brainrot induced) thoughts :]

- JOE ADHD KING. no but seriously this fucking guy is so nd and mentally ill in so many ways. hes collecting them like cool rocks (<- im nd and mentally ill (obviously) and have always related to him)

- i know the entire thing abt the daltons is how theyre only distinguished from each other when it comes to height but i love playing around w the idea that they have like. subtle differences in their appearance that you wont notice unless you squint and use a telescope. like william having heterochromia, jack having freckles and joe having beauty marks and whatnot (cant think of anything for averell when it comes to this trope sorry </3)

- aroacespec gay lucky luke is so real and true and my alltime fave sexuality hc. also a little transgenderism for him as a treat. sometimes

- adding to the former: luke telling ppl he got his diy top surgery scars from a brutal shootout

- i dont like the modern daltons cartoon (it kinda sucks) but i really really like how they characterized william in it (bookworm and man of many talents iirc) and i really like the idea of him potentially being a graduate/of higher education but sticking with his brothers out of loyalty/peer pressure (<- potential for him to be the black sheep of his family and give him more character than in the comics and the old cartoons)

- luke and joe's archnemesis relationship oh my GOD [head in hands] ive always loved the multiple layers of their dynamic and the "cool hero who loves toying with the bad guy" vs "batshit crazy unhinged small guy villain" thing they always got going on. lukejoe is so good whether its platonically or romantically or anything in between i still care them so much. funny guys who hate each other fight each other are friends are besties are outlaws kiss kill each other have repressed homosexual feelings have never had friends before killed people with no remorse and have issues. i like that in men

- t4t lukejoe is. so good. perfection

- while im a professional les daltons #hater i love that one guy who showed up for like one episode and was never brought up again except in the bg of some episodes. unlucky luke (small dark haired manloser) if youre out there...

- el gee bee tee hc lightning round:

cis bi (sometimes transmasc) joe [wtf is a pronoun i will kill you], transhet jack [he/him], nonbiney [he/him] william, unlabeled averell [he/she + any] and ofc aroace gay trans luke [he/they]. idc abt other characters enough to form opinions on them

- ill most definitely add to this later if and when i start binging the entirety of ll again but for now. thats all. come get your food lucky luke enjoyers <3 shoutout to the three of you who still enjoy this media despite its many many MANY flaws

[stormyoceans]

Talay never skips his leg days because his cake only got bigger in 5 years and bless him for that. Oh Puen you lucky husband (to avoid our skyy's conflict in the future Talay needs to stand up from a chair and idk sit on his husband's lap and poof family life improved. And i genuinely think Talay would do it if Puen asked, he loves him so much and does so much for him. I wanted to send you horny-ish ask but instead got myself almost crying because i reminded myself how much actually Talay loves Puen. His love is bigger and deeper than an ocean. Bless him) (what is wrong with me puentalay make me mentally ill).

WENT THROUGH THE ENTIRE RANGE OF HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST READING THIS. STARTED OFF FROM LAUGHING VILLAGE THEN TOOK A QUICK TRIP INTO HORNY TOWN AND NOW IM JUST STANDING IN BREAKDOWNVILLE AT THE CORNER BETWEEN SOBBING AVENUE AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH STREET

also im probably taking things too seriously but i actually love that they didn’t use sex as a way to resolve the conflict between them. i feel like sometimes shows in general, not only BLs, make sex the focus of the entire romantic relationship between two characters: sex is the ultimate achievement, and if you’re not having enough of it, well then that’s where all your troubles come from!!! but it doesn't work like that, sex may be a temporary fix because it does allow you to feel closer to your partner, but if you have relationship issues the only way to get through them is by communicating with each other, and im SO GLAD puen and talay are allowed to do that

you know they're gonna stay together for the rest of their lives because, like you said, they love each other so much that they will never resort to easy ways out: communication can sometimes be very painful because it requires trust and patience and vulnerability, but it doesn't matter how hard it can be because there's nothing more important for them than each other, so they're willing to do anything to make things work

AS YOU CAN SEE THEY MAKE ME SO MENTALLY ILL TOO YOU'RE NOT ALONE ANON DON'T YOU WORRY

[softness-and-shattering]

Thats a good point, I see all kinds of neurodivergence in my family but only a couple of us in my generation, afaik, have a diagnosis.

However, my gp attended a recent talk about overlap of queer folk with neurodivergence and also a group of comorbid illnesses including, iirc, POTS/MCAS/EDS/CFS theres a couple others Im just blanking. Digestive issues? Things that we've broadly noticed as a community, and it seems like its starting to be studied.

And also, everyone has some kind of trauma, idk how many people if any have no kind of disability whatsoever, humanity is vast and diverse. And we're wired to look for patterns. Interpret this information how you will, I certainly cant say for sure if these patterns are broader than trans people, or are more people trans than we expect, are we seeing correlation or causation or is there a mechanism in common with all these labels thats the deeper cause, is queerness an interchangeable/'sometimes' factor or a central one, we are way too early to know that yet.

I think its probably not nothing. But we're also not uniquely fucked up. Maybe we're just sticking out, so to speak, so thats where the research is starting. Many people werent taking ME/CFS seriously until long covid prompted more research bc, iirc, there was now a lot more people affected who were harder to ignore. And who were seeking help. Like a lot of people have an allergy or a dodgy wrist or "that weird thing with my digestion" and they dont consider it a disability or seek treatment, yknow? And especially mental health and especially what runs in families, it looks normal to you so why would you ever bring it up to a dr? "Everyone struggles with these things. Everyone feels this way" well you do and your parents and aunts and uncles do and your siblings do, and maybe you told a dr forty years ago you were in pain and they brushed you off so you thought everyone was walking around in agony.

And that gets into an adjacent conversation about medicalising and diagnosing and when does that help and when is it like, making a negative thing of normal human experiences and variations, its not a disorder till its negatively impacting your life, if youre surviving but treatment could help you thrive is it worth the side effects etc etc plus the whole discussion of psychiatry in particular which can be an amount of guesswork and diagnostic labels are often just patterns of symptoms that we see oftrn go together and we dont always yet understand the underlying neurology. (One of my all time best therapists kept up with the latest neuroscience and always had very good and effective suggestions. I only stopped seeing her bc I moved away. If you can be seeing professionals who are keeping up with research, definitely prefer them over someone who hasnt learned anything since they completed training 50 years ago. Always.)

Tl;dr I agree with OP and also this stuff is extremely complex and we're always learning new things about us!

something that should be taken with a grain of salt are the statistics talking about the high rates of mental illness + neurodivergence among trans people (ocd, bpd, adhd, autism, etc)

I see both sides of the political spectrum taking these studies at face value - conservatives say we're broken, and trans people try to come up with reasons why for example autism + gender dysphoria makes sense and why one of them feeds into another

at the end of the day you have to remember that we're the one category of people on this planet who are legally required to go see a psychiatrist in order to receive non-psychiatric medication and surgeries.

more trans people are in therapy by law than any other demographic of people, and as a result, this captures more comorbidities.

if I had to look at my own family & rates of mental illness?

mom, dad, 2 maternal aunts, maternal grandmother, paternal grandmother, sister, sibling, and me all have OCD.

7/9 of them are cishet, never been to therapy, never diagnosed. 2/9 are trans, required therapy for hormone treatment, and were diagnosed.

you don't have to do any math to just see that the resulting statistics end up intensely skewed.

and we can think back to how autism was virtually never diagnosed more than 50 years ago - ruling out any grandparents being included in statistics - and even my parents' generation (they're in their 60s now) wouldn't have been included either.

I don't think it's to anyone's benefit to accept these studies uncritically. a lot of these things are hereditary and far more prevalent in the overall population than people realize

[arachnidmilez]

!!VENT!! heavy tw [sh , suicide , general mental illness] also extremely edgy

i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this i seriously dont i was supposed to be dead in november and yet im still here going through the same cycle every single day and im expected to keep doing it every single day and its driving me crazy. ive been trying my hardest to keep things together but the more i think the more i realize just how horrible things still are, and the worst part is that i cant talk to anybody about it. if i do ill just feel even more guilty and attention seeking. ive been spotting more symptoms of BPD, im not going to self diagnose but im starting to get concerned. ive done intense research and ive checked off damn near every single symptom and its scaring me. even as i write this i cant stop thinking of how bad its been, and the guilt is literally eating away at me. i pushed my ex away because i couldnt bear the thought of her bonding with anyone but me and i let my jealousy ruin the entire relationship. i literally told my little brother that i hated him because i was stressed and he wouldnt leave me alone and i still hate myself for that every single day, i couldnt stop apologizing to him and no matter how much he hugged me and told me it was okay i still despised myself for it. ive been lashing out to the point where its dangerous, i recently got frustrated while detangling string lights so i broke them, causing my other lights to rip off the wall, i started crying so hard i couldnt see a thing, i started physically beating myself with the closest blunt object i found which almost caused me to break my arm. im genuinely such a horrible person and as much as i hate the thought of being abandoned sometimes i genuinely wish all of my friends would just leave me and find a better friend to replace me. i dont want to be here anymore i seriously cant take it. i serve no worth i have no life, i barely have the energy to leave bed anymore and ive become uncomfortable in my own skin. i keep telling myself that ill forget about everything tomorrow and ill be fine again but ive just gotten worse. i cant think straight, i cant sleep properly, i keep seeing and hearing things that arent there and it just makes everything worse. i know this is painfully edgy but there is seriously not a day that goes by where i dont think about killing myself or beg God to kill me in my sleep. ive gotten so depressingly desperate that ive resorted to putting things on my life knowing that im lying. i truly pity myself, and the worst part is that i LIKE feeling this way. i get a sick high from hating my life and knowing somethings wrong, it makes me feel valid in a way, but i know ill never actually be seen until im gone.

i was simply just born unlucky. i was born with a heart condition that has been visibly worsening and will likely lead to heart failure so i KNOW i dont have much time left. everybody says that God will never give you a battle you cant handle but i truly cant handle anymore. my entire life ive been rendered down to knowing i will NEVER be normal like everyone else and that no matter where i go or who i surround myself with i will always be counted to odd one out every single time and theres nothing i can do but sit and accept that i will never be taken as serious as everyone else, nor will i ever be anyones first choice.

i miss my abusers, i want to be used. i like being mentally ill. i love the sudden silence after doing or saying something i know ill regret. i love thinking of how people would react after finding out im dead, its something i GENUINELY take time thinking on. most importantly i love knowing that i have nothing to lose and that theres nothing actually holding me back from doing it.

i REALLY hate myself