#sometimes i start to think if im seriously mentally ill

[kawaii-koimi]

i think i need to get back to translating so i could keep my emotions and my thoughts in check. get my mind off things. or else i'd really break down one of these days.

[e8luhs]

i didnt realize i had OCD for a long time. i never talked about it with anybody because i just never took it very seriously i suppose. everything i read about OCD would make me say "yeah i get that but its not that bad" and often the way that OCD is described its like people think its some magical fucked up thing that your brain is doing to you. for me that just... isnt the case. i thought for a long time i NEEDED to have moral scrupulosity to be a good person. a lot of the obsessions that i have are very rooted in some form of reality for me. i have OCD spirals about homelessness because i dealt with housing insecurity for years, got kicked out by my mom, and jumped into another abusive situation immediately afterwards where homelessness was held over my head to keep me in line again. i pore over my budgeting spreadsheet and calculate all of my finances for the next 3 months in advance several times over and over again because when i get the wrong numbers it scares me and i need to make sure im doing it right. i was like... well its not like im locking my door 6 times exactly to make sure that my dog doesnt die so i guess that couldnt be me. not to say that thats not how it can manifest for some people and i can see where the internal logic would get you from point a to point b in that case still but you know what i mean. i just took that very literally so i never knew

i know im mentally ill but i dont Know that im mentally ill sometimes. like i dont realize the depths in which being mentally ill affects me until someone actually lets me talk about how my thought process works on a fundamental level. same with being traumatized really. its always like i can talk about what happened to me and i can talk about my symptoms in concept but i never talk about how i really truly feel about anything and when i do it just hits me like ohhhh. this isnt normal.....

[inosukijiro]

𝗖𝗨𝗗𝗗𝗟𝗘𝗦 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗚𝗜𝗬𝗨𝗨

𝙨𝙮𝙣. ━ its late at night and giyuu feels safe in your arms.

━ 𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨. i just want to tuck him into bed so bad and give him lil forehead kisses. i won’t stop saying it I LOVE THIS MAN 🗣️🗣️.

━ 𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨. AHH IM SORRYYY ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚ PLS i went on vacation and got the covid,, it was SO bad i couldn’t function. buuuut moving on — i’ve said it before but ill say it again, thank you soo much for all the love and support ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ seriously, all the likes and reblogs have me very humble. i only ever write for myself so seeing you all enjoy my little stories make me so happy !!

━ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. fluffy fluff. cuddles! probably v short, and v bad omg. gender-neutral reader. giyuu-centric. assumed but not mentioned, modern reader in kny. crochet mention ah! 0.9k words.

It always starts like this when Giyuu can’t think straight. His brain is fuzzy and worn out from the day. He often wonders how he gets into these positions, but he’s aware that you just know him too well. Probably because you do know him better than he knows himself.

He always thinks about the time before it became you and him. Where the thought itched at his brain constantly. He fantasized about it. It was so hard not to in every waking moment, he even wondered if it was going to be the death of him.

But here he was, nose buried in the crevice of your neck, laying onto you just enough that he didn’t crush you; but you’d never complain if he did. His free arm wrapped around your midsection just enough to allow his hand to grip your side. The pads of his fingers barely dig into your skin. You could probably feel the tension in his body, his hands are firm and rigid against you. Perhaps he’s just a bit nervous you’d disappear if he didn’t hold onto you tight enough. He might apologize for that, or the fact that his hair is definitely in your face.

Oh, but you might giggle. He can hear it. It’s soft and light. You're so amused by him sometimes. You might call him silly, or you might not say anything at all. You might give the sensitive part of his scalp a good scratch to shut him up. You might, and you always do. The feeling of your nails dig into his head makes him squeak. The way your fingers brush against the strands of his hair. It’s heavenly. He buries his head deeper because he’s so embarrassed. His face is hot, and after all this time he’s still so touched-starved. The smallest bit of your attention destroys any functioning brain cells he has left.

It’s just so good being in your arms. It’s just as good as when you're in his. It’s rare, but when that happens he loves the weight of you on top of him. It grounds him back down to earth. And you’re so cute. Somehow you always end up holding his hand, holding it close to your chest and nuzzling yourself against him more. He can’t get over that you want to be around him as much as he wants to be around you.

Giyuu lets out a sigh in contentment.

He’s so tired but he’s so excited. It’s not his fault that he views you as perfection and it’s also not his fault for taking advantage of the attention you desperately want to give him. You’re so generous, and Giyuu had been looking forward to this for days. His mission had been taking too long for his liking and he wondered if this was some sick torment the universe enjoyed toying at him with. All he wanted was to be at his estate, with you.

But you were such a night owl and that was something that Giyuu found out pretty quick. You spent more time awake in his presence than he did with you. Giyuu thinks, and he wouldn’t be wrong, that you try to savor as much time as you can with him. It’s true, you wouldn’t deny it. But you had sleeping problems long before being with Giyuu; though, it makes him feel guilty that he somehow makes it worse.

You were crocheting something, as always, trying to tire yourself out mentally. Your hands working on the project were raised just above his face, and your elbow could be found resting against his upper back. It was so soothing, the way he could feel you working your hook in and out of the stitches. And every so often a stray piece of yarn might’ve brushed against his cheek or nose, tickling him ever so slightly.

It felt nice. The way you had him caged in your arms. He felt so protected and Giyuu couldn’t remember the last time he felt so safe.

He doesn’t know what you’re making; but he’s sure whatever it is will be perfect.

One day he’d get you to sleep though. Yes, he’d get you to drift off so peacefully and do the same to bring you just as much comfort that you do for him. He’d play with your hair. He knows you’d like that. He can almost see it now. The cute noises you’d make and the content, sleepy sigh you’d give as he has you wrapped up in his arms.

He’s in and out of sleep now, drifting off for a few minutes at a time. But he really can’t stay awake anymore. Even though he really wants to. He feels you put your crochet things to the side. However, he barely registers the mumble under your breath when the metal hook makes a ‘TINK’ sound when it’s placed.

It wasn’t too loud but it was too loud for you. You apologize, softly whispering to him but honestly, Giyuu doesn’t know what for. It didn’t disturb him, though he doesn’t worry too much about it when you give a little kiss on his forehead.

He snuggles closer, if that is even possible at this point. He’s on auto pilot as you bring the covers up more over the both of you. You tuck the material right up near his chin and the only thought he has is how cruel it was to make him get up tomorrow morning. Maybe you give him a few more kisses. They’re delicate and you even give him a gentle squeeze as you bring your arms around him; a small ‘love you’ is drowsily whispered through your lips as you rest your head on his.

And Giyuu is out, just like that.

thank u for reading, luv u (◍•ᴗ•◍)

[i-yap]

Disorders batboys s/o have( dick and jason ver)

Im a psychology student and i think everyone in this world has some symptoms if not full blown disorders. I also struggle with GAD and I have worked in 2 psychiatric hospitals so far in one I got a lot of readings+ 2 months , 8hrs on weekdays hospital shifts in 4 sectors. I don't mean to offend anyone but if you have a certain disorder it does determine a lot of your personality traits and therefore make you incompatible with certain types of people. this is just a " oh I think the batboys could take care or be compatible with someone with this disorder enough to not hamper their healing "

Anyways..(im so scared to post this)

Dick grayson- mood disorders (major depressive diroder. bipolar disorder, seasonal depression, burnout)

Dick is this silent mother hen sort of figure. he loves taking care of others, it fills him with altruistic feelings and helps him feel needed. Someone with a mood disorder needs someone they can go and be sad with without feeling judged. Dick understands that burnt out feeling really well. He understands how sometimes you just want to let your feelings go through you. He is warm sunshine personified, joyful calm and reliable. He likes taking care of you, the small quiet moments. He will find small personal ways to make your mood a little more bearable however he can without overwhelming you.

"he comes back from his crime fighting to find you in bed. he recognizes your mood instantly. slowly approaching you and gently kissing you awake .

"hey baby ", "youre back dickie" "mhm how long have you been in bed?" " I don't know" "I'm starting a bath, would you like to join me" "I don't really feel like moving" "ill carry you" ."

Jason todd- anxiety disorders ( generalized anxiety disorder(gad), phobia, panic attacks, separation anxiety disorder(sad))

gad- the fact that jason literally fights crime every night and is super impulsive/doesnt care about his safety, so seeing you almost ripping your head off from worry for him not only warms his heart ( he thinks you hate him and struggles to believe that YOU could give someone like him any attention but here you are) but also makes him take better care of himself for your sake. he hates seeing you worried but he loves calming you down. holding your hands tight, replecating meditation style breathing and mindfulness practices. kissing you overthinking head. hugging you when you stress cry, giving you massages.

Phobia- he understands triggers better than anyone else, he will be your big bad protector making sure to help you avoid the item that's causing you phobia. holding your hand and hiding you behind him if you have social anxiety, making sure to avoid triggering environments if you have agoraphobia, killing all snakes in the world if you have a phobia of them( he seriously suggests it but you stop him cuz it'll hurt the ecosystem)

Panic attacks- he has them too, either you have learned a way to deal with them and teach him or he has learned a way to deal with them and helps you . if he hasn't before meeting you, he has a new much stronger motivation to learn techniques or medication that can help deal with them for your sake and therefore also accelerate his healing

seperation anxiety-.. he has it too so like.( ik its more common in kids but adult sad is also a thing) both of you are clingy, its a win win for you two , fuck the rest of the world

again this is just my opinion okay? don't make mental health a taboo , if this post was about batboys x blind! y/n no one would have an issue. mental health is a condition and sometimes its out of our control, it depends on so many factors. Its nothing to be ashamed or scared of.

[cadaverskey]

if i'm being entirely honest i find the term "spiritual psychosis" annoying at best. it makes me feel as though i, as someone with schizoaffective disorder, need to work extra hard to "prove" my spiritual beliefs are valid.

here's the thing. my spirituality has always been and will always be flavored and colored by being schizoaffective. even when i was an atheist i could not untangle the two. there's never going to be a way for me to know where the line is drawn between my spiritualism and my psychosis. for example i will probably never shake the idea that i died and was resurrected, and that event holds SIGNIFICANT spiritual meaning for me, even on antipsychotics, even when i can recognize that yes, it's probably the remains of a delusion.

so please tell me, why is it anyone else's business if i incorporate that into my religious practices? it harms no one and gives me one more reason to rejoice. if it started causing actual problems, putting me in danger, causing me distress, bringing along disorganized thinking or anything of the sort, that's when it would be time for me to get help. but really and truly i would not want random people im not close with to tell me to get that help, especially if their only clues into my mental state come from my spiritual practices. i am not a dog to be taken to the vet. sometimes people are psychotic and we exist in your communities and we have religious beliefs and you have GOT to suck it up and allow space for us, however our conditions affect us and our practices.

it's also just. buries my face in my hands. you can just say psychosis, you don't need a special term for it. again it just makes me feel like i'm being singled out and not being taken seriously because there's a long LONG history of psychotic/schizospec people having our mental illnesses used as reason to disregard us. please just mind your business.

[murdockmeta]

there's a lot that I can say about Wade's character in the most recent movie so like. I guess I am gonna say it. Wade is pretty genuine in his own way. I feel like that's such an important aspect of his character. like okay YES he says shit just to fuck with people sometimes but for the most part?? Wade is genuine.

even in the comics, in the early days, the reason behind Wade saying Goofy Wacky Shit was that he was 💫mentally ill💫 (yes, this is ableist, but not the point). the point is that Wade, at his core, is genuine. I think that's what all the people saying the movie is "homophobic" or "not queer enough" don't get. cause like yes everything is framed as a joke.

but Wade explicitly states IN THE MOVIE that he turns everything into a joke on purpose. there is truth in almost everything that he says/does. and this is made painfully obvious during several points in the movie. like how far does Wade have to go before you guys start believing him? is it when he very seriously is holding dogpool and being concerned about her mistreatment (even tho it's played for laughs, just like every single instance I'm about to list)? is it when he's trying to give CPR to a headless nicepool while no one else is around? is it when he declares Cassandra is ableist for using a disabled man's mobility aid? is it when he's straight-faced setting sexual boundaries with what he assumes are male sex workers at his bday party? is it when he's quoting johnny word for word (after being told he could) and it results in johnny being murdered? is it when Logan flatly asks if Wade has ADHD? when? when does it stop being a joke?

that's the Thing about Wade's character. he was made to be a joke. but when writers (in the comics) realized they had to make him an actual Character, they had a problem. they solved that problem by making those jokes Real. im not saying there isnt bullshit that comes out of his mouth. but there really is a point where you have to draw a line. you have to be able to know Wade's character well enough to know when hes not joking. knowing whether he is or not is like its own in-joke. do you guys get it yet?

[brighteyes-things]

Deadpool/ wolverine as thing's me and my friends have said or heard

💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️

So it's been a while since I've written anything, and me and my friends now have the poolverine, dead claws.... wolverine and Deadpool itch

So in honor of our collected brain rot, these are some random things that we've heard/said that we think Deadpool or wolverine would say. Yes this will be updated as more things are said

WARNING: cursing, somewhat sexual jokes, mention of alcohol

Wade Wilson (Deadpool) ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"I wasn't expecting to get turned on by a shirtless Hugh Jackman but God damn I'm not complaining"

"I don't feel fem boy enough, I need more eyeliner"

"I'm not a furry, but I'd fuck a man with cat ears"

*While sipping something* "you think I can use my boobs to hold this?"

"he's giving emo babygirl"

"you must FIRMLY grasp the booty"

"I can't just leave the house, I have to get my big boots on"

"you can't just slap my ass and leave"

"IM A MAN" *buys the pink strawberry skin care set from bath and body*

"I'm very gay and not afraid to kiss the movie poster to prove it"

"you ever think Slenderman is trying to recruit us for something"

"NO, no more black veil bride music, I'm not suffering through your emo phase again"

*mocking twilight* "WHY WOULD HE IMPRINT ON THE BABY, THAT'S FUCKED UP"

"I swear Batman only owns an adoption center just in case someone dies and he needs another mentally ill orphan"

*breaks a cabinet door just for gummy bears* (yes this happened by accident)

"I'd rob hot topic for those lollipop razor blade earrings"

"I know I'm mentally ill, I watch bluey and cry"

"I have to beat the fem boi allegations"

"I don't know why but I feel like I give off beta vibes"

"you'll never believe the ABO fic I just read"

"she's becoming an animae obsessed fan girl, it's a canon event I can't stop it, OH GOD SHE DISCOVERED WATTPAD"

*while watching crime TV* "this man needs to be put to death, he didn't eat the chocolate frosting on the cupcakes"

*while looking in the mirror* " I love my slutty man hips"

This dress doesn't scream "fuck me" enough

*talking about cosmic brownies* THE GIRTH

Logan (wolverine) 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

"I've become the caretaker to everyone, and I don't know how to feel"

"Ryan Reynolds could run me over with a truck and I'd apologize after I curse him out because...I GOT RAN OVER STILL"

*sees an animal on the side of the road* "poor kitty"

"fanart definitely scares me sometimes"

*gets kissed on the cheek* "that's GAY"

"you can't just eat the cup to get to the last drop of coffee"

"just how long is your simp list now, and why am I on it"

"that's unamerican, un-lawful, and downright not patriotic"

"no I don't wanna know the details of what you and your partner did, I'm trying to eat"

"stop trying to throw stuff in my boobs, it's annoying when I find crumbs of cookies in there"

"how did the least qualified of us, somehow graduate first AND have a baby in the span of a year"

"how'd I get rejected from Hooters?"

"you're an omega and you know it"

"your the reason they started bagging the peaches at Aldi's"

"how the hell did you burn yourself with a candy cane?!"

"it's only alcohol abuse if you spill anything"

"You're not a god, you're just dehydrated and read too much fanfiction"

"it's only gay if you don't have socks"

*staring at a pet rabbit* "that little demon is purposely chewing up my shit and you know it"

"did you just John Cena the clothes"

"I hope you know that I don't trust you with cleaning the dishes properly"

"did you seriously just compare little Debbie brownies by girth?"

[immortal-lov3r]

sophies glow up guide.. (simple)

this has been a work in progress for over 2 weeks! ive been procrastinating to get this done, so im excited to share this with you! DISCLAIMER i am not professionalised in this! i am only giving out advice on whats worked for me.

want to glow up? but dont know where to start? well here is your simple glow up guide, we will go over-

health

hygiene

skincare

attitude and mindset

this will be your basic glow up guide, simple and easy to read and follow with.

health and nutrition:

your health is one of the most important things in your life! It affects your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. that's why it's so important to be productive about your health and try to prevent illness and disease etc.

fitness:

im not going to deep within this as your fitness levels are based on personal experience and i recommend to consult a doctor before doing an extreme amount of exercise.

rather than aiming 10k steps as people ask you too, start aiming for 5k, its obtainable for a busy person or someone who doesn't walk as much, overall walking is very beneficial.

if you have ability join a sport, dance and or gym! they keep you healthy and fit and can be super fun!

try a simple workout, pilates, dance, yoga biking, running etc, there are lots of youtube videos and even apps for workouts.

if you can walk places, as i said its very beneficial for your health and keeps your in shape.

nutrition:

I'm not going to go super deep into this, as no diet fits everyone and please consult with your doctor before taking dieting or anything like that seriously.

slowing start eating healthy, you can still eat your cravings and have yummy meals just try to balance out your diet with healthy foods, good fats, carbohydrates, protein, sugar and bad fats.

eat less sugar. sugar has many reasons why its bad for you to have over your daily intake so try to eat less sugars while still eating your fav treats!

dont skip breakfast! i know people saying doing omad (one meals a day) is good for you and skipping breakfast can befit weight lose, but no, breakfast is one of the most important meals so use it for high protein and fibre meals .

eat more friut and veg, simple as that.

hygiene:

hygiene is so important because it is what keeps you clean and healthy. hygiene should be one of your top priorities for your day. hygiene effects how people think of you, what you think for yourself etc.

brush your teeth well! brushing your teeth well keeps your breathe smelling good, clean teeth.

wash your body- washing your body with soap and or body wash and sometimes even a nice body butter can keep you clean and smelling good.

look after your skin- find out your skin type and get a cleanser for your skin type. find out if silicon based or water based is better for you skin.

skincare:

skincare is such a hard thing to ace! here is a simple routine and tips for you to ace your skincare. skincare is meant to help cleanse your skin and leave your skin feeling amazing.

routines:

cleanse - take a few minutes to cleanse your skin, even a simple micellar water will get rid of will get rid of makeup and dirt.

toner - toning is a great thing to use to help refresh skin especially if it includes ingredients like witch hazel which helps tightens pores.

serum- a plain hydration serum or some hyloronic acid etc will be enough to keep your skin looking going through your day

moisturiser- this is what keeps your skin moisturised for the day or can give you breakouts so be careful you pick the right one for your skin type look out for ingredients like Vitamin E, glycerin, Pro-Vitamin B5, and borage Seed Oil, which are all great moisturisers for your skin. 

attitude and mindset:

mindset:

believing that you can grow, change, and improve is the best mindset to have, if you settle once you've done something and never try to accomplish greater you will have little success in life.

goal-setting mindset.

knowing what you want and willing yourself to reach it are two different things. when you know your goals, they motivate you. set high goals and don't stop until you reach them.

focused mindset.

one of the worst setbacks that can happen is losing focus and allowing procrastination to happen. discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

positive mindset.

choosing to be positive and having a good attitude will determine a lot about your life. be positive, not passive. instead of giving yourself reasons why you can't or shouldn't, give yourself reasons why you can and should go for it.

attitude:

positive attitude

a positive attitude is more than just smiling often and acting cheerful when others are around. it’s a way of looking at the world with optimism and hopefulness, where others would only see obstacles and dead ends. 

be kind to yourself

work on self improvement

step back and focus on goals

spend time with nature

talk to other people / meet new people

act with a purpose

be around positive people

thank you for reading this far! <3 i hope you enjoyed.!

i am always open to suggestions for my posts, my dms are open <3

[typeococainee]

#1.

this is too much, this asshole cheating on my mom, my mother thinking im doing drugs again (well i sure wanna do a shit ton of fucking drugs). Ive been thinking about suicide again, i just dont know what else to do anymore, its all too much, therapy isnt working either or mayIbe its because i dont really take it seriously, i dont even want to take my meds anymore, this is all fucking bullshit, im sick and tired of everything. i just cant take it anymore, i want to fucking die. Anyway this isnt because of dumb shit like a fight with my mom or anything, this is real shit, this is drug addiction, its fucking mental illness, its everything. First of all, my stepdad, he is not an asshole, well, kinda, but he isnt like the worst person ever, ive met worse like my actual father who is a fucking junkie without a single braincell (just like me lol), at least my stepdad cares about me, i think so, but he cheated on my mom, and thats a dickhead move. Second, my mother, the most important thing in my world, i cant hate her, we fight a lot, but she is everything to me, i know ive been a complete asshole daughter to her but i still love her, i know shes going through a rough time too, and i cant blame her, all this shit with my stepdad cheating, and me being a drug addict as well is too much for her, i can see it on her face when i look at her; shes tired. Im not going to say ive done nothing for this to happen, its been a rough couple of years, thanks to guess who? fucking ME! yeah ive done some terrible things to my family because of my addiction, besides, my grandpa had cancer last year, we all thought he was gonna die, but he didnt, he recovered and i was sober, but then i fucked up again, like i always do, im tired of this shit, it feels like its not going to get better from here, like im always gonna be he drug addict, the basket case, well, i dont want to be, im trying, but nothing seems to work, it seems like i just end up in the same place i started, thats why ive considered a bunch of options, but none are actually a solution to my problem, just an escape, well, just one is an actual solution, but its the hardest one to do and sometimes i just want to give up and die, or maybe change my name and leave to anywhere in the world, or some shit like that, even jumping off a cliff. Am i even going to be alive to laugh about this stupid stuff i just wrote? i hope not, and if i am, i hope im not living on the streets or anything, im just a stupid girl.

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

[fairycosmos]

I have a crush on u and it's actually making me kinda sad. its embarrassing, I don't know u, u don't know me. and there's not really a 'chill' way to begin conversation (not that u'd like me anyway, so no point, lol). I get internet crushes are embarrassing n stupid. but seeing how u respond to people alone, is enough for me to feel something u kno? it never fails to amaze me how attentive & present & thoughtful and deeply compassionate u are to each & every person. it's never dismissive in the slightest, and doesn't feel like ur attending to an 'audience' but actually just so attentive and in tune in the most resonant way with each person. u care. u have such a great capacity to empathise w others, to make people feel seen n heard. and it somehow seems effortless, and just undeniably genuine. you're special. please preserve this precious part of u.

awwww angel you are so so sincerely sweet <3 dw i get this for ppl online sometimes it's sort of a parasocial thing but then it's also about like. finding companionship and security and a sense of true appreciation for ppl online in the absence of having it IRL and i can totally understand how that can morph into some semblance of a crush if you get crushes on people quickly. i really really appreciate it and am so deeply flattered for real <3 esp with how fucking unloveable i feel all the fucking time lmfao!! the thing is i know it's soooo cliche but i think it's just easy to read me that way on here when in reality i am just straight up not that emotionally or physically desirable - and u would get over it quickly if you knew me, i absolutely promise lmfao. anyway it's prob cringe and unhealthy but yeah i Absolutely do care ab the ppl who make an effort to interact with me and open up to me on here and i find a lot of solace in knowing im not the only one who is severely mentally ill and struggling lmfao. i very much want people to feel seen and heard like i rmr when i was 16 and people first started telling me ab their lives on here and i was like Well i know how shit it is to feel unacknowledged and if i can give that to this person through my silly little blog why fucking not - whether it resonates with them or not, whether able to solve anything for them or not. i don't think it's anything particularly special, in fact i think a lot of people feel the same on here which is why we're often so open and vulnerable with each other, but yeah i am just another person trying my best. and this blog has been a massive comfort to my during a time where i have been genuinely entirely emotionally isolated and honestly not reading reality correctly or healthily - i know i still don't. i'm like not right in the head in a way that isn't easy to explain away and i know a lot of people on here are too (lmfao sounds like shade but i mean it earnestly.) so i think it's a two way street and i appreciate the ppl who keep up with me and who i keep up with a lot, prob more than i can articulate. i do make the effort to not be dismissive and i really adore you for seeing that and being truly kind about it. ab the feeling of having a crush - again, i am seriously so flattered and blushing and screaming inside at the absolute compliment lmfao. if ur ever in a place where you want to get to know someone (and obviously ur around my age and you think we'd get along well) - hey my dms are open!! i'd love to know ya and keep up with you too. MWAH <3

[seeminglydark]

I just read your post about how you only really started working on comics seriously at 35 and now you're 41, and I burst into tears immediately upon reading it.

I've wanted to be an author since I was 5. I put my first piece of work out for the public (a fanfic) two years ago, at age 33. Before that I had to spend three literal decades pulling my life together through trauma and disability and mental illness. My dad is currently sick with something that could either last another ten years, or take him away tomorrow. I've never seen another person with so many similarities to my own life actually talk about it openly.

I'm a brand new reader, I only know you through tumblr (trying to find downtime to really read things for fun is a constant challenge) but I've resonated so much with your art. Thank you so much for your post and for being so open. You've given me a much-needed dose of hope at a very hard time.

hey anon, if it is acceptable i am giving you a great big internet hug. life is SO so hard. and i am SO proud of you, i dont even know you but it sound like youve been through so much and it sounds like you've made it so far. im so happy you exist.

one of my main goals is to be really open about my struggles cuz i know that some people cant be, and i know that these things need to be heard. i wish someone had told me. im so beyond words to know it can help other people too cuz sometimes its scary to sorta lay yourself out there. so thank you. keep posting your work when you can. i believe in you. and i am sending all the positive vibes in the world to you and to your dad as well.

reading comics and finding time is hard, im barely able too myself. i have a lot of people around me who just like to look at the drawings i make, so with most of them i try and tell a little story, and i think tumblr is the place im most open and comfortable, cuz this community is so incredible. whether you can read the whole comics or just enjoy the art, i appreciate the hell out of you.

and hey, no matter if youre 15, or 25, or in your 30's or older than me, im so proud you, and its never ever to late to take a first, second or third step. youre doing great.

[sidebaxolotl]

May God bless you. I've looked to your blog for discussions about Side B Christianity for a while now and I appreciate your vulnerability and sincerity. Thank you. Your tags in the wake of recent debates about trans people where you've talked about wanting to kill people have been pretty disheartening to see. While I wouldn't want to judge you, I think you might be better off taking some distance from thoughts and topics which stir up such bitter feelings and seeking solace. I pray for you to feel at peace and hope for your joy and contentedness in all aspects of life.

Thank you friend!!

I should be clear because people who dont know me will probably take me too seriously--I use hyperbole a lot. Like A LOT. Its part of how I use humor to cope with things or just my own personal brand of silliness.

If it helps, what I'm really saying is that I am deeply angry with how womanhood/sapphic attraction is being appropriated and reduced to nonsense. And that actual women/sapphics are being bullied and ignored by voicing their disagreements with gender ideology. I'm angry in a similar way that we as a society have enabled what is clearly debilitating mental illness to be normalized with "treatment" that mutilates people and calls on everyone to deny reality instead of fixing the actual issue.

And that anger at sin and injustice is appropriate and valid, even if I express it in a goofy/hyperbolic way. I try to express my thoughts, esp in these asks in a more serious academic way but sometimes you will get the hyperbolic "im ending it all" "im gonna start k-wording people" bc i don't always have the energy to verbalize that and thats just how i express myself sometimes.

If I ever say these things or advocate for them in a non ironic/joke-y matter then feel free to call me on that. But in this case its really just me being hyperbolic if that helps.

[lovecorevillain]

this might be random but do you have any headcanons of the Daltons/lucky luke cause now they are my hyperfixation and yes I've joined a pretty much dead fandom but I was to hear your thoughts.

(only if u want to ofc)

hiiii anon its been. so insanely long since ive thought abt lucky luke and the daltons rotated them in my small brain but i love looove them as a characters so very dearly to this day and id be more than happy to give u. some of my carefully thought out (brainrot induced) thoughts :]

- JOE ADHD KING. no but seriously this fucking guy is so nd and mentally ill in so many ways. hes collecting them like cool rocks (<- im nd and mentally ill (obviously) and have always related to him)

- i know the entire thing abt the daltons is how theyre only distinguished from each other when it comes to height but i love playing around w the idea that they have like. subtle differences in their appearance that you wont notice unless you squint and use a telescope. like william having heterochromia, jack having freckles and joe having beauty marks and whatnot (cant think of anything for averell when it comes to this trope sorry </3)

- aroacespec gay lucky luke is so real and true and my alltime fave sexuality hc. also a little transgenderism for him as a treat. sometimes

- adding to the former: luke telling ppl he got his diy top surgery scars from a brutal shootout

- i dont like the modern daltons cartoon (it kinda sucks) but i really really like how they characterized william in it (bookworm and man of many talents iirc) and i really like the idea of him potentially being a graduate/of higher education but sticking with his brothers out of loyalty/peer pressure (<- potential for him to be the black sheep of his family and give him more character than in the comics and the old cartoons)

- luke and joe's archnemesis relationship oh my GOD [head in hands] ive always loved the multiple layers of their dynamic and the "cool hero who loves toying with the bad guy" vs "batshit crazy unhinged small guy villain" thing they always got going on. lukejoe is so good whether its platonically or romantically or anything in between i still care them so much. funny guys who hate each other fight each other are friends are besties are outlaws kiss kill each other have repressed homosexual feelings have never had friends before killed people with no remorse and have issues. i like that in men

- t4t lukejoe is. so good. perfection

- while im a professional les daltons #hater i love that one guy who showed up for like one episode and was never brought up again except in the bg of some episodes. unlucky luke (small dark haired manloser) if youre out there...

- el gee bee tee hc lightning round:

cis bi (sometimes transmasc) joe [wtf is a pronoun i will kill you], transhet jack [he/him], nonbiney [he/him] william, unlabeled averell [he/she + any] and ofc aroace gay trans luke [he/they]. idc abt other characters enough to form opinions on them

- ill most definitely add to this later if and when i start binging the entirety of ll again but for now. thats all. come get your food lucky luke enjoyers <3 shoutout to the three of you who still enjoy this media despite its many many MANY flaws

[sweetmoogirl]

I'm curious as to the psychology of your kink. For someone so young, it seems like a pretty full on and specific kink. I am wondering firstly, what is the connect between fantasy and reality, if any, are you just engaging in fantasy purely for horny reasons? Does your fantasy and kink ever enter your reality and if so to what extent? Secondly, how did this kink begin for you - were you traumatised, did you simply explore the internet until stumbling across something that you explored further because of the sexual excitement it gave you, do you have mental illness or are you a fully functioning person? I think there's a lot to learn from you so please, the more detail and clarity, the better.

im pretty flattered that you seem to think im so interesting lolol

i dont know which kink youre specifically talking about though since a lot of my kinks can fall under this line of questioning. ill answer this for the three "worst" kinks i have: detrans/misgendering, cnc, and misogyny. if its not one of these three then lmk and ill answer again.

for detrans/misgendering, it really not that specific tbh. theres a lot of trans people who have a kink like this or similar to this. (forced) feminization is also very common, especially in masculine spaces. theres absolutely a psychological aspect to this, as well as a societal one. trans people are oppressed and often discriminated against in many ways, including being misgendered. this kink allows for a SAFE and CONSENTUAL space for someone to cope through their traumas in a healthy way.

theres also a VERY strict gender binary often forced on trans people by cis people, and sometimes others in our own community, that force a lot of us into a box. if you dont keep your hair short, wear boy clothing, like masc hobbies, and transition medically then youre not a real trans man. if you dont do makeup and wear dresses with long hair, tuck, get surgery or use padding for breasts, or act feminine then youre not a real trans woman. if youre too masc or fem or you dont fit into nonbinary stereotypes then you must be lying.

this kink is a very easy way to explore masculine and feminine sides to ourselves as trans people that we wouldnt be able to irl because of these harsh gender roles that we HAVE to adhere to otherwise no one takes us seriously (obviously trans people are valid NO MATTER HOW THEY PRESENT OR CHOOSE TO DO but this is a very common mindset we have to deal with).

i got into this kink bc my gender dysphoria is awful. its made me miserable for most of my life and it, alongside my adhd and possible autism, is why i struggle so much with depression and anxiety. im always worried about how ill be seen, if ill pass as male, and remembering my own body makes me sick. i started joking over half a year ago, saying "well i cant get dysphoric if i pavlov myself into getting horny everytime i get misgendered. haha checkmate t3rfs!!!" and then it became less of a joke.

i wrote stories of trans men exploring this kink in my writing and it really helped. im still dysphoric. i may joke about how this kink is the way to cure gender dysphoria but thats not how it actually works. i still have days where my body is unbearable and the thought of being feminized makes me want to hide away forever. but it genuinely did help to break out of those boxes i put myself in and play in a safe space with terms and mentalities regarding my gender.

in terms of fantasy and reality, this is purely fantasy for me. i have no desires to detransition, nor do i have any want to be misgendered outside of horny purposes. i am a man, i will always be a man, and thats not going to change just because tumblr user xyz called me babygirl. im almost a year on testosterone and im considering getting top surgery as we speak. this kink doesnt affect me on any other level than horny.

for cnc/noncon, this one is probably a bit more in depth. i dont have any specific trauma in this field. ive been touched inappropriately against my consent a handful of times (as in someone touched my chest or my hips) but nothing that spawned this kink.

however, there are studies that show that a LOT (as in over half) of afabs get fantasies regarding cnc and non consensual situations. this DOES NOT mean that they want to taken advantage of. for the most part, this kink derives from the idea of being wanted so badly by someone that they would take you no matter what. its also the idea of POWER PLAY, of being helpless and not having to make any sexual decisions.

theres also a lot of trauma involved and, as stated before, kink is a SAFE and HEALTHY place to cope with that trauma as long as safe words, aftercare, and proper communication is enforced. there are many people who like being in a cnc scene and knowing that, unlike their trauma, they now have CONTROL over the situation and can stop it whenever they want and have their wishes be RESPECTED. in this area, i am the wrong person to ask so i implore you to do more research on your own with this topic if youre truly curious.

for ME personally, i like noncon/cnc bc of that power dynamic. i am a submissive who could NEVER dom in any sense of the word. i like being completely submissive and i like having my dom take control and do anything and everything for me. i dont want to make decisions and i like being overpowered and taken care of. its just hot to be forced to do something, whether that be manhandled into the next room or be good.

this is a fantasy that ive had for years, even when i was a kid. i dont know WHY that is, but i do know that a lot of my friends who have childhood related trauma also had fantasies like that as a kid. i also discovered hardcore porn and noncon scenes when i was WAY too young to even know what sex was and im sure that exposure affected me in an unhealthy way too. again, id implore you to look for educational resources on the nature of forceful and violent fantasies, both sexual and not. its a fascinating subject and bdsm and kink psychology and etiquette has been a fixation of mine for years.

and it is just that, a fantasy. in real life, i am extremely sex repulsed and borderline identify as asexual because i dont want to do anything like that with anyone. im also, as mentioned before, extremely anxious and socially awkward so i dont like being near people at all. the idea of anyone hitting on me or not respecting my boundaries makes me feel ill, even if its hot while im horny.

for misogyny, ill keep it short bc its related to everything above. basically combine my reasoning for cnc and detrans and youd get my reason for this. its basically me, as a trans person, going from one extreme of being so masculine it was toxic and exploring the other extreme. its once again just me exploring a taboo subject in a safe and consensual space.

misogyny kink is rooted in strict female gender roles, as well as the forcefulness and disrespect you get from cnc. thats why its my favorite kink, it combines everything i like but specifically utilizes WHY i like those things. i discovered it when i made my first detrans/misgendering tumblr account and made a side account dedicated to it, and then when i made this account i just combined the two.

i grew up super fucking feminist and i still am a major feminist who is all about supporting women and their choices. i love women and think theyre cool as hell and much, much stronger than i am lolol. this is just a fantasy for me, nothing more. this is another kink that is heavy on the dom/sub dynamics, as well as giving people who experience trauma at the face of their oppression a place to take back those experiences.

anyways thats my super long post!!! tysm for asking, anon, i love answering questions. if you have any further questions then you can shoot me some more anons or you can message me directly, i dont mind :D

i hope i answered your question and it all made sense!!!!

[stormyoceans]

Talay never skips his leg days because his cake only got bigger in 5 years and bless him for that. Oh Puen you lucky husband (to avoid our skyy's conflict in the future Talay needs to stand up from a chair and idk sit on his husband's lap and poof family life improved. And i genuinely think Talay would do it if Puen asked, he loves him so much and does so much for him. I wanted to send you horny-ish ask but instead got myself almost crying because i reminded myself how much actually Talay loves Puen. His love is bigger and deeper than an ocean. Bless him) (what is wrong with me puentalay make me mentally ill).

WENT THROUGH THE ENTIRE RANGE OF HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST READING THIS. STARTED OFF FROM LAUGHING VILLAGE THEN TOOK A QUICK TRIP INTO HORNY TOWN AND NOW IM JUST STANDING IN BREAKDOWNVILLE AT THE CORNER BETWEEN SOBBING AVENUE AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH STREET

also im probably taking things too seriously but i actually love that they didn’t use sex as a way to resolve the conflict between them. i feel like sometimes shows in general, not only BLs, make sex the focus of the entire romantic relationship between two characters: sex is the ultimate achievement, and if you’re not having enough of it, well then that’s where all your troubles come from!!! but it doesn't work like that, sex may be a temporary fix because it does allow you to feel closer to your partner, but if you have relationship issues the only way to get through them is by communicating with each other, and im SO GLAD puen and talay are allowed to do that

you know they're gonna stay together for the rest of their lives because, like you said, they love each other so much that they will never resort to easy ways out: communication can sometimes be very painful because it requires trust and patience and vulnerability, but it doesn't matter how hard it can be because there's nothing more important for them than each other, so they're willing to do anything to make things work

AS YOU CAN SEE THEY MAKE ME SO MENTALLY ILL TOO YOU'RE NOT ALONE ANON DON'T YOU WORRY