#when people take me seriously it kind of baffles me sometimes. i never talk about the nitty gritty details of what its like for me to Be

[inbabylontheywept]

The Motherfucking Lizard King

No one at work trusts my boss. 

He's smart. He works hard. He's not trustworthy. He hasn't actually fucked anyone at work over, but he's ruined his last two marriages with affairs, and got dumped by his third fiance when he wouldn't sign a prenup. The fact that we all know this is just a hazard of working in a small town. 

Anyway: The thought process of the people in the lab is that if he screwed over his first wife, and his second wife, and was probably planning on screwing over his third wife, it would be insane for him not to screw us over. After all, what kind of idiot treats their employees better than their spouse? 

I dunno. His kind, I guess? He's had a few chances to fuck us over, and he hasn't taken them. Opposite really. When our parent company was doing furloughs, he stayed in the office almost a hundred hours, talking and talking and talking his way up the corporate ladder. And in the end, no one at our site got furloughed. 

He's pulled strings like that before. And it baffles me, right? Because it really does make zero sense. He'll move the heavens and the earth for us, but his wife and kids are afterthoughts. It feels like any moment, he's going to look into the mirror and realize how stupid that is. It feels like I'm betting on him making the same stupid mistake again, and again, and again - like it would be less cynical to believe he was, eventually, going to stab me in the back. But he hasn't yet, and as far as I can tell he's been making that mistake for close to fifteen years, and it's already cost him everything it can. If he was going to learn, he would have by now. 

So my position on him is that if he wanted to date someone I cared about, I'd warn them off. I don't trust him there. But I tentatively trust him to be my boss. Maybe one day he'll stick the knife in and twist, and everyone will say Ah, Babs, we warned you, but for now, I accept that he's doing a very predictable, very irrational thing, and I've made my peace with it. 

---

My job has glue traps. 

No one likes the glue traps, but we don't have a lot of options. Poison's banned by state law, spring traps are banned by company safety, and several non-lethal options tried in the past failed to work. The mouse problem can get pretty bad if it's ignored, and there's some real health hazards in that. Our site has never had a positive hantavirus test, thank God, but the big base about a half hour away has. That guy's gonna be on oxygen the rest of his life. 

If a mouse gets caught, we just euthanize it. But more than mice get stuck. Lizards can wander into those traps too, and the people working there have different feelings about the lizards. They don't pose nearly the same kind of risk mice do. They're chill little guys, and they keep the moths away, and they're just 

You know. They're friendly. There's something to be said about walking into a room, and hitting the light switch, and seeing two little guys on the wall start to do pushups as soon as they see you. 

People used to just euthanize the lizards too, but I had pet leopard geckos as a kid and I couldn't take that so I wound up googling how to free animals from glue traps. Now, when a lizard gets stuck in a trap - which happens once or twice a week - I get some vegetable oil from the breakroom, and a little plastic fork, and I'll spend fifteen to twenty minutes just kind of gently prying the little guys out. 

I have a team of technicians that help me operate one of the larger machines. They're real blue collar guys, ex-airforce, and they make me look like a little kid. Being an engineer means they'll look to me as a leader sometimes, which is a wild experience. And I started helping the lizards for my own conscience, but one of the crazier consequences of it has been that it seriously boosted my leadership cred. Because those guys see me, and they go: Hey. If he's willing to fight for a lizard, he's gotta be willing to fight for me. 

I cannot overstate how nice that is. Most engineers that want to make a change to a maintenance practice, or try an upgrade, they have to work their asses off to get the techs to buy in. But I can just ask. They already trust me to do good. They know I'm new, and they know I'm not the smartest engineer in the building, but they also know I'm the one who gets lizards out of the glue traps. 

And just because of that, they're willing to follow me. 

---

My boss has a meeting every month or two. It's typically basic house cleaning stuff - reminders about routines we've gotten lazy on, and updates on future projects. Maybe some warnings about problems coming from higher up in the company.

People are, in my opinion, a bit too cynical about the meetings. It stems from people not trusting our boss, which again, I understand, because it would make so much more sense if he wasn't trustworthy. It's a testament to the man's incredibly unhealthy priorities that he is. But as we made it to the end of the meeting, one of bullet points was: 

Do NOT mess with animals in the building. 

So I looked at my techs, and they looked at me, and when he got to the point, he was so scathing I actually just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He said basically that he'd heard some reports about someone in the building handling animals that found their way in and got stuck, and that he just wanted to emphasize how insanely inappropriate that was, not to mention dangerous, and that if he needed to speak to anyone about it again, there would be severe consequences. 

I was willing to just take the shame and move on. I was. But one of my techs is old. Old enough he could've retired two years ago. And his actual literal goal is to one day get angry, yell at someone, and storm out. That's how he wants to retire. So instead of biting his tongue like everyone else, he stood up and said: I hate the glue traps. You hate the glue traps. We all hate glue traps. But we've all sat here for years, ignoring the little things that get stuck in them, watching them die, and then Bab's comes in, and he is the first person in decades to give enough of a shit to start pulling the lizards out. And I don't want him to stop. 

Get humane traps or shut up but we are not going back to the old way of just letting things starve. 

And my boss actually froze up. He got all wide eyed and stared at Marc, and then the other techs jumped in, and there was a very small but intense rebellion in the meeting and my boss kept trying to interrupt while getting absolutely bowled over by this gang of angry middle aged air force vets, and eventually he just went 

I will speak with Babylon about this afterwards! After! And then he will speak with everyone else, but I have more points to cover. 

So they went silent, and my boss rushed through the last five minutes, and we all adjounred. The techs really didn't like that I was going in alone - they thought our boss was going to try and shout me into compliance. Marc in particular was like, Look, if he tries bullying you, stand your ground, and if he threatens anything, just come get us, and we'll give him hell. 

So armed with that, I went to my boss's office. I sat in the chair across from him, and he kept his composure for maybe five seconds before just flopping back into his chair. 

I had no idea you were saving lizards, he said, but I'm glad you are. I always hated seeing them die in the glue.  

I wasn't expecting that. I was about to ask him what the comment from the meeting was about then, but he answered that before I even got the chance.

A snake got into the building last week, and - someone picked it up and chased a coworker around. Turns out that coworker was severely afraid of snakes, and now it's a shitshow. We're a small site, and now I can't ask those two to work together anymore, to say nothing about how the snake fared after all that. Being upset about that is a reasonable thing, right? 

And he gave me a look like he actually wanted an answer, so I said Yeah, totally, chasing a coworker around with a snake is a dick move. Especially if that coworker is already afraid of snakes. 

And he said Exactly! and then we sat there a few moments longer. He looked so incredibly tired that I did, actually, feel kind of bad for him. And then he somehow managed to sink even further into his chair, and said

Look, I know I'm not a good guy. But I'm not evil. I'm not some sort of crazy asshole that's going to demand that everyone watch lizards starve to death. When you go back downstairs, could you try to pass that on? That I'm not evil? 

I said Sure because it wasn't a hard request, and he looked relieved. I actually made it halfway out before I realized I had a question. 

Who grabbed the snake? I asked. 

Not supposed to talk about it, he said. But whoever comes to mind first is probably right. 

ThatGuy? I asked. And he looked me in the face, nodded his head yes, and said No. 

---

The techs seemed a little disappointed that they didn't get to storm the boss's office, but were otherwise in good spirits. They were actually a little bit embarrassed to hear about the snake story - apparently, it wasn't much of a secret. It'd just slipped their minds because it happened three weeks ago. 

We did maintenance after that, the same basic repairs we did every week. The meeting had been stressful and it was a relief to work with my hands. When the parts were reinstalled, everything cleaned and smooth and ready to go, Marc found me again. 

You know what the lesson of today is? he asked. And there were quite a few answers to that that I could have taken - from don't assume the worst of people to be careful with how you spend your trust - we all need it more than we think. 

But instead I said what? because I wanted to hear what his answer was going to be. 

That I got your back, he said. Then he clapped one very, very large hand on my shoulder, gave it a good squeeze, and walked back to dosimetry lab.

---

The next day, Marc gave me a package and told me to open it in my office. I was suspicious, but I followed the request.

Cardboard gave way to a small baggie, obviously full of fabric, which opened to reveal a t-shirt that read

"I Am the Motherfucking Lizard King."

I looked at it, I loved it, and then I got an idea. I went to my boss's office and knocked on the door. When he opened it, I asked him if he would be willing to allow something very unprofessional to happen for morale building purposes.

How unprofessional? he asked. I held the shirt up in answer. He gave the shirt a short look over and snorted.

You can wear it on weeks without customers, he said. Which just so happened to include that week.

I'll pass on that it came with your blessing, I replied, and he looked oddly relieved.

Thanks, he said. And then I went downstairs.

---

The techs were very, very happy to see the shirt. And while my boss's reputation remains in tatters, and probably will be until he moves (or dies), the next time there was a meeting, there was quite a bit less complaining about how mere presence. Which is, I guess, a start.

We'll see if he squanders it.

[e8luhs]

i didnt realize i had OCD for a long time. i never talked about it with anybody because i just never took it very seriously i suppose. everything i read about OCD would make me say "yeah i get that but its not that bad" and often the way that OCD is described its like people think its some magical fucked up thing that your brain is doing to you. for me that just... isnt the case. i thought for a long time i NEEDED to have moral scrupulosity to be a good person. a lot of the obsessions that i have are very rooted in some form of reality for me. i have OCD spirals about homelessness because i dealt with housing insecurity for years, got kicked out by my mom, and jumped into another abusive situation immediately afterwards where homelessness was held over my head to keep me in line again. i pore over my budgeting spreadsheet and calculate all of my finances for the next 3 months in advance several times over and over again because when i get the wrong numbers it scares me and i need to make sure im doing it right. i was like... well its not like im locking my door 6 times exactly to make sure that my dog doesnt die so i guess that couldnt be me. not to say that thats not how it can manifest for some people and i can see where the internal logic would get you from point a to point b in that case still but you know what i mean. i just took that very literally so i never knew

i know im mentally ill but i dont Know that im mentally ill sometimes. like i dont realize the depths in which being mentally ill affects me until someone actually lets me talk about how my thought process works on a fundamental level. same with being traumatized really. its always like i can talk about what happened to me and i can talk about my symptoms in concept but i never talk about how i really truly feel about anything and when i do it just hits me like ohhhh. this isnt normal.....

[voxofthevoid]

relate to being turned off from satosugu bc of the fandom. especially being on twitter makes me feel crazy omg bc i'll see posts where people are straight up acting like gojo was completely fine with what geto did bc gojo is just oh so down bad for him and loves him more than anyone else in the world and he doesnt care about anything he just wants geto back. and that is just. so untrue and also so boring, imo.

Because to me, gojo truly *is* a good person in his actions. he says crass things and maybe his mentality can be detached at times, but he always helps people where it counts. Even when he was taking Riko's body away and he asked geto if he should just kill the cult members and geto said no- I have a hard time picturing gojo actually going through with it even if geto *had* said yes. Because for all that gojo postures, I don't think he truly has that kind of bloodlust and rage in him, imo. Not even saying that I think killing those cult members would've been bad, or that Gojo would never ever kill anybody (simply not true), I just simply don't think gojo wouldve stopped walking, turned around, and killed allll those people in that instance (or if he did, I think he wouldve felt,,, off about it afterwards, despite what he said).

But I see so many stsg shippers who act like the only reason gojo was heartbroken about the situation was just because geto left him, and not bc, yaknow, geto committed reprehensible atrocities and became a supremacist. and i'm like,,, are we watching the same show? it's truly such a BAFFLING perspective of the relationship to me. like why erase their moral differences ? doesn't that make the ship more interesting? Sometimes I feel like the reason they do that is bc they can't handle the fact that Geto post-defection is seriously NOT a good person. at all.

stsg as a ship could be sooo much more interesting, imo, if people didn't erase the fact that geto BETRAYED gojo with what he did. not just the leaving. the village massacre, the parricide, the fact that he had no shame about it and stuck by his actions. all of those things betrayed gojo. bc i think gojo truly does want to help people, and he thought that, no matter how hard it was, he would always have geto along with him to do it, and that would make the pressure easier. instead geto chose to become one of the people that makes gojos job harder, lmao.

i think if shippers actually acknowledged that fact the ship wouldn't feel so fucking boring to me.

I’d save you from Twitter if I could, friend. Not saying other sites are free of harebrained idiots. I have Getou and satosugu blocked here for a reason, and I’ve seen screenshots of rancid fucking takes from TikTok and Instagram. Even Reddit—and I’m talking about canon discussion subreddits that generally ban ship talk—didn’t spare me from having to see people’s most reductive takes on this ship. But Twitter in particular seems to be where brain cells go to die.

Nothing in the world can make satosugu compelling to me, but objectively, it’s a ship with rich potential—for angst, for drama, for fluff, for toxicity, for love, for hate, for all of it combined. Like you’ve said, one of the most interesting facets of their relationship is how their bond culminates in betrayal. I’m personally quite interested in the fact that Gojou killed Getou despite loving him, after sparing him for eleven years because of the very same love. It’s not like Getou was ever harmless—he was a special-grade curse user, not the kind of threat you want running around. His cult activities and killings weren’t exactly subtle either. That angle—the fact that love makes Gojou turn a blind eye to Getou’s actions until he crosses a line even Gojou can’t abide—is very, very interesting to me as someone quite obsessed with Gojou’s characterization. People who have an equivalent interest in Getou would find plenty there to peel apart, probably. The two of them together would also offer rich, nuanced grounds for exploration, and I’m sure there are people doing just that.

But fandom spaces as a whole have become exceptionally sanitized recently. I’m not talking about people who generally simply prefer fluff and write that regardless of canon dynamics; there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re all allowed our self-indulgent tastes. But what you’ve described—a tendency to erase characters’ dark or grey morality, to think along black-and-white lines that put people into neat little boxes, to remove unsavory or unhealthy elements from relationships—has been plaguing fandoms more and more, especially fandoms with a large number of young(er) fans. JJK is definitely one of those.

I’ve seen similar takes on a lot of JJK ships as well as platonic relationships, like goyuu shippers asking why fic authors write Gojou as predatory toward Yuuji in canon settings with their canon ages (yeah, a real mystery why a 28 y/o romancing/fucking a 15 y/o would be written as predatory) and dad!Gojou truthers earnestly arguing that Gojou has paternal feelings toward Megumi (or Yuuji or his students in general) and is also such a good dad. I’ve seen it with even sukugo and tojigo, in the brief days before both wound up on my blacklist.

Basically, it’s a fandom-wide issue in the English-speaking JJK sphere (I’m sure the Eastern side and other language/region-specific sides have their own debates and issues, but I’m unfamiliar with those), and because satosugu is the biggest ship in this sphere, it has a significantly larger number of voices making themselves heard—as well as a significantly larger number of nuance-allergic dumbasses making themselves heard. The latter tends to be so fucking loud, often drowning out the other voices. It can feel inescapable, even with filters and shit.

[sugudoe]

HIIIIII i love your work and i wanted to try out the matchmaking prompt you have ok here’s my description:

I am 5,10 (yes tall i know) i have brown eyes, freckles and i’m black and colombian. I speak fluent french and spanish. I have heterochromia ( my right eye is green) I also have a beauty mark on my upper lip.

As for my personality….

I like to think i’m very funny, i can’t really take anything seriously, i laugh a lot usually not in the best situations. And despite what i just said i usually don’t like talking to people because i get very easily irritated sometimes( it really just depends) I LOVE to sleep, and it’s actually kind of bad sometimes because i’ll literally sleep until someone wakes me up. I have a major sweet tooth and could seriously eat candy for the rest of my life but i also really like to work out. Ummm im lowkey broke ngl i’m too lazy to work and if i do get money i spend it within like 2 days of having it. and uhhh that’s all!

(also ignore my shit punctuation sorry)

you seem like the prettiest person ever, hello??? also i had three matches for you being geto, gojo and toji, but nanami came and was like “nah.”

•⁀➷ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. . . ﹫ 𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘪 ៹ ༉‧₊

kento could try and lie to himself, that what called his attention was your strength to beat a stitched curse — shooting through the air during his mission, landing right in front of him. blood covered your skin, yet you were majestical to him. when you fixed your attention on him, eyes shinning with mischief, you winked and said to him “are you alright, mon coeur?”

he disguised it all with a dinner date, as gratitude for saving his life in shibuya. later, he showed you how grateful he could actually be.

nanami finds himself devoted very quickly. there are certain personality traits you have he could not accept so easily. see, sometimes you act like satoru, and he doesn’t like that very much. still, he loves you even more. still, it’s you, the one that does no wrong in his eyes.

so, in the middle of it all, dazed inside a mist of love and passion, he finds himself coming out of his trance in the most baffling moments. for example, after giving you all the candies you wish, it’s like a mind link, you crave and he grants. nanami snorts half way through the bag when he realized it’s the fourth day in a row he has been spoiling you.

“why are you laughing, mi amor?” silk voice with sprinkled sour candy, you smile lovingly and he stares back the same way.

“i love you, just that.”

how easy it is for kento to indulge you in whatever you wish. yet, he knows he has to put his foot down, so here comes the balance. candies are only for the weekends or after lunch, and only fifteen minutes naps are allowed (you take four a day).

god, nanami loves to wake you up. sleepy eyes, groggy expressions and mumbles. he kisses the dreams away, bringing you back from slumber with more energy than ever.

truth is, nanami doesn’t mind your bad habits if only he is the one to keep you balanced. he would never, in a million years, cut your things off, instead he adores your sparky eyes and tongue tinted with bubblegum, to come home and catch you cuddled up on the couch, wearing his clothes and sleeping waiting for him to get you from dreamland. and like a knight and a romantic, he gets you. he’ll always get you.

──── 𓇼 ° ⋆ FUN FACTS ᵎᵎ

۫ ּ ﹗nanami’s favorite sounds come from you — your voice and laugh, he often loses his composure and laugh with you as well. is quite a sight for those who aren’t used to seeing even a single smirk from him.

۫ ּ ﹗nanami buys everything you need, and slowly he helps you to deal with this desire to waste it all, mostly because you’re not wasting yours but instead his. nanami is rich, i don’t make the rules.

۫ ּ ﹗you can get irritated with him sometimes, but never long enough. he can sense the atmosphere changing and come home with a bouquet and a box of chocolate. you both much rather shit talk about others than fight each-other.

۫ ּ ﹗you go quiet, he goes. you tell geto and gojo to eat shit, nanami makes sure they do. he is a simp, trying hard to pretend it’s all under control, but he falls for your antics so easily. the biggest supporter!

۫ ּ ﹗teach him all the languages you know, he learns easily and loves to call you “mi vida” or “chérie

[jaskierx]

Honestly, I really admire (and am thankful for) the way you manage and handle those back and forth with some Izzy stans, I don't think I have the mental strength to entertain them myself.

I wasn't part of the fandom after season 1 aired, I watched it without engaging much and then kind of waited for season 2 to come out, so I had no idea such a divide had happened between Izzy stans and the rest of the fandom (glad I was oblivious to it ngl). All I know is that I hated Izzy’s guts and wanted him to get his just desert.

So yeah, I wasn’t a fan and I struggled forgiving him when season 2 started because the show was trying so hard to make him sympathetic (which I honestly couldn’t give two shits about at first, I wanted revenge), plus you’re right, Izzy got way too much screen time (which gave Izzy stans ammunitions to say “SEE!! Main character!!!”), but I did end up warming up to him by the time he died. I can even say I genuinely liked him.

BUT the journey to that point was sooo conflicting because some Izzy stans were also doing the absolute most in the main tag, painting Izzy as this angel who never did anything wrong and was terrorized by the monster Ed, and I was like????? Did season 1 happen??? Did I dream the whole season??? Did I watch a version from an alternate universe??? I was BAFFLED. I don't know who is that Izzy they're talking about, but it's not the one on my screen, that's for sure.

Then, Izzy died and the hardcore stans lost their shit (you know what I'm talking about) and they have seriously soured me to Izzy again. I want to like the character we had on screen, and I want to like his redemption arc. He was a great antagonist even if I hated him, and we owed him so much for all the shit he pulled in season 1, but the OTT takes and behaviors from stans I’ve seen have made me give up on him, which sucks. Maybe I’ll feel better about him in a few months, but right now, I can’t stand him, and I’ve blocked his tag everywhere (ao3 included, because, truly, fuck fanon Izzy, fuck him).

Hope it’s not too draining for you though, just writing this felt like screaming into the void, so I can’t imagine dealing with this on the daily. Take care!

hi anon i'm so glad you sent this bc i felt very similarly about izzy in s2. i didn't find him sympathetic at all. i didn't give a single shit that he was suffering from ed being in his kraken era bc he's the entire reason ed ended up like that in the first place. izzy was reaping what he sowed. seeing ed feeling so miserable broke my fucking heart and i can't stand any bullshit takes about 'izzy was protecting the crew from ed's abuse' or 'edizzy invented love confirmed' or whatever other nonsense his stans chose to take away from episodes 1-3.

i truly do not see izzy as a victim. i truly do not see ed as an abuser. sometimes i will start reading a post in the ofmd tag that refers to an 'abuser' and a 'victim' and i get halfway through the post and realise that the op has a completely opposite view of who is who than i do.

and as s2 progressed i just felt worse and worse about it like he was getting so much screentime and popping up all over the place and he'd absorbed a load of traits (from other characters that i'd have rather seen more of) bc the writers had to speedrun making him semi-likeable. i still haven't done a proper rewatch since the finale aired and i'm pretty sure i'll feel different watching it knowing he dies in ep8, but when eps 6-7 dropped i fucking hated every scene he was in and felt like he ruined some otherwise really lovely ed/stede moments like their breakfast in bed. izzy being cheered on for wearing drag and singing - the exact acts that caused him to threaten ed - feels exactly like the very common queer experience of seeing the homophobic kid who bullied you for being queer getting loads of support when they come out themselves.

and the takes that were coming out of the canyon at this time were absolutely wild, especially in relation to ed. people absolutely baying for blood, wanting to see him suffer, wanting his relationship with stede to suffer, wanting him to have to crawl across broken glass to repair his relationship with the crew, all while treating izzy as a protagonist who never did anything wrong.

so ngl i was delighted when he died. but mostly i was relieved that it was going to be over. i walked out of my circus tent with my clown makeup on believing that the canyon would yell for a bit and then slowly quiet down as people who claimed they'd be leaving the fandom if izzy died made good on their promise and fucked off.

and if anything they've got louder and more unhinged and are out here reinventing tjlc and harassing the writers and churning out the most rancid racist posts and writing obituaries that caused multiple people on twt to mistakenly think Actual Human Person con o'neill had died.

and on one hand i'm kind of glad that more people know what they're like now but god i really do feel for any izzy fans who have had their enjoyment of him ruined by the canyon. i really do think it's not the character that's polarising, it's the fandom response, in that most people who come in liking izzy end up either aligning with the canyon or getting so fucking fed up of the canyon that they don't like him anymore. and both of those are a shame tbh because he is very well acted and well written, especially in s1, and i wish i could've enjoyed his scenes and felt the emotional payoff of his death

anyway. sorry for writing you 1 billion words. ily ❤️

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2024 - May, June, and July

Going to be honest folks, I've been having a really shit year particularly with my mental health but physical too. So that means I've: A. Not been reading as much, B. Not been present online, and C. Been playing far too much Zelda to be healthy. However, here's what I have read...

I've not really been feeling a lot of what I've picked up, which probably hasn't helped, and I've been doing a lot of reflecting on how my taste is changing. (If anyone has any recommendations for historical fantasy in the style of Guy Gavriel Kay or Susanna Clarke then let me know because I'm CRAVING these kinds of books right now.)

Anyway here's the books:

May

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon - I wanted to love this but I ended up hating it... The atmosphere was incredible and that kept me reading, but I found it incredibly sexist and, ultimately, shallow. It felt like those annoying men in seminars... Wanting to be perceived as clever but spouting other people's opinions and secondhand observations.

Sir Orfeo by Anonymous, translated by J.R.R. Tolkien - this was a captivating little narrative poem, mainly because I love the structure - I find it slightly hypnotic to read and I just glide through it. Truly beautiful! This is a perfect example of reading for the language alone - although the tale was charming.

June

Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskell - genuinely loved this! I thought I'd hate it but I think I like quiet stories about small communities?! Between this and my unwavering devotion to Emma I might need to rethink my preferences when it comes to classics. Cranford was a delight to read and I'm very happy I finally gave it a chance.

Mrs Wickham by Sarah Page - I didn't know whether to include this because, technically, it's an audio drama, not a book... However it's listed on Goodreads, so... 🤷‍♀️ Either way I HATED this. It was so complete and utterly ridiculous that I couldn't even take it seriously. Of all the poor continuations of Jane Austen I've had the misfortune to experience this was truly the worst. It's like they forgot Pride and Prejudice is a regency novel... Lydia deserves a better defence than this! I'm also baffled by how it managed to be crass AND overly sentimental at the same time?!

The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton - loved it! This was a stunning character study AND exploration of Western society in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Truly glorious. I should write up my notes into an actual essay at some point because I have SO MUCH to say! I can't do it justice here but someone should remind me to talk about this at some point.

The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien - depression induced reread. I needed some comfort and Tolkien always delivers.

July

The Rogue Prince by George R.R. Martin - House of the Dragon was so bad I needed to soothe my heart, but I also didn't want to reread all of Fire and Blood... So this was my compromise. I had a much better time with this than the show (I still haven't bothered to finish it...)

The Ice Dragon by George R.R. Martin - I got bored at a friend's house and read her copy. I'm glad I've never bought it because this was underwhelming.

A Song for Arbonne by Guy Gavriel Kay - I had a fantastic time, a solid standalone from Kay and one I think a lot of people will like. This isn't a new favourite - I don't think anything will eclipse The Lions of Al-Rassan or the Dianora half of Tigana, but it's an excellent book that I'd highly recommend to anyone thinking about reading a Kay novel.

DNFs

I'm not sure when I abandoned these but here we go:

Inferno by Dante - this was a reread but I was struggling so much with anxiety that reading about Hell wasn't a good idea. Confession time: I'm not religious and don't believe in Christianity when I actually sit down to think about it. However, I've managed to give myself a case of 17th century protestant salvation anxiety... It fucks with my head sometimes and this was one of those moments.

Peril's Gate by Janny Wurts - I think I'm done, I've given this series so many chances because I WANT to love it. On paper it's everything I should love. But I'm so bored and the ONE character I'm reading the series for feels like wasted potential. I might come back if they continue to make audiobooks for the series, but I don't think I'll come back to reading the ebooks.

The Game of Kings by Dorothy Dunnett - on paper this book should be right up my street. However this is NOT a book for me. I also really hate rogues... Instant turn off for me.

[radrush]

there are a lot of ways I could probably express my current dissatisfaction with my job but I think an interesting way of doing it would be to talk about how I view my relationships with the three supervisors who I work most with and who have the most direct authority over me. my curation leader can be serious and obsessive and holds herself and others to unnecessarily high standards, which is something we kind of have in common but is never fun to deal with when you don't exactly see eye to eye with her. she feels kind of like a work mom to me sometimes even tho she's only like 10-15 years older but I think it's cause she shares a lot of personality traits with both of my parents so she feels kind of like a parental presence to me. or maybe like a kind-of cool aunt. like a mostly regular aunt who is cool to you because she's an adult who you trust who isn't your parents?? idk I like her a lot as a person but I think she takes her job of making furniture and rooms look nice quite too seriously sometimes and gets stressed tf out and worries and complains and can be directly passive aggressive and I just have to be like.. girl.... I don't wanna end up with this level of investment in something that truly does not matter to me just because it's my job I guess. which is a nice segue into how I feel about my operations leader. whom I love because she seems the most genuinely detached from her role out of all of the leaders but still cares about doing a decent job at her job which I can appreciate. but I also kind of want to avoid her career path of working retail for the rest of my life just because it's what I have experience with and managers get decent pay. and then there's my store manager who is truly baffling. I honestly don't know how he ended up in his position because he does not seem to have the people skills or wherewithal or know-how to manage multiple teams without driving people up the fucking walls and making weird decisions and sending out passive aggressive memos when someone does something he doesn't like instead of just talking to the person. but he did hire me and probably at least 10% of that decision was based on him being kinda into me so. what can you do.

[sohotthateveryonedied]

so i’m trying to write duke and i don’t think i’m writing him right. how would you describe his personality because with don’t trust fanon lmfaooo

(this was only supposed to be a paragraph or two i swear to god)

1. first things first, duke is a hardcore gryffindor. don’t let the yellow color scheme mislead you, okay. and while most of the time he’s depicted in fanon as “omg this family is crazy and i’m the only sane one,” it’s actually pretty much the opposite? if anything, i think the other batkids would be like “oh finally, someone who can match our level of chaotic energy. HEY DUKE WANNA BUNGEE JUMP OFF WAYNE TOWER—” and an hour later they’d all be in the batcave getting lectured by bruce for leading poor sweet innocent duke astray when really he was already planning on doing that this weekend.

listen, this is the kid who once jumped off a bridge to escape police. this is the dude who decided to fight criminals while they’re still eating their wheaties at 6am in a bright yellow suit. and while duke seems to be the best at following bruce’s command at the moment due to having been trained by him most recently compared to the others and is still figuring out how to be a hero, i’m positive that if bruce weren’t here to guide him, duke would be running around gotham taking down criminals anyway. i mean, he literally did do that with the “we are robin” kids. plus there was the whole thing when he was like ten years old and decided “i am going to singlehandedly stop the riddler in my light up sketchers and pikachu backpack. try and stop me.” 

duke is headstrong and has a strong drive toward heroism. he’s an extremely enthusiastic and passionate person in general, and i try to capture a little of that when i write him, even with mundane things like trying to beat his siblings to the last cupcake. 

2. another thing i noticed is that duke swears like a sailor in comics? seriously, this boy could give jason a run for his money with how many “@#!%” speech bubbles there are. i don’t know if this is just a trend the writers added in the comics i’ve read of him, or if it’s a genuine trait throughout every comic he’s in, but that’s something to make note of when writing dialogue for duke. after all, he did grow up in the narrows, so it makes sense that he’d use a lot of swearing and slang in his everyday vernacular.

3. i would also make a point of noting that duke is fairly young compared to the rest of the batfamily, being the second youngest after damian. duke is still a teenager in high school, and he acts like it. he’s got homework and friends and is eager to make a difference in gotham, trying to juggle everything and make it all work somehow. he’s stubborn and doesn’t give up easily, so it’s important to write him as someone who is trying to save the world while also struggling with finding time to study for his next math test. he's human. he doesn’t get to dedicate all of his time to fighting crime like cass or jason might be able to, since duke is still a mostly normal teenager with teenager problems.

4. and don’t forget that unlike the other batkids, duke still has two living parents. sure, they’re jokerized and might not ever be the same again, but they’re alive and that’s what holds him back from letting himself get as close to the waynes as he wants to. duke won’t be calling bruce “dad” anytime soon, and i think he’d have some internal struggle over stuff like holidays and birthdays with the waynes, remembering what his parents are missing out on and wondering if joining the wayne family is a betrayal to them. duke is very conflicted over this, even if he doesn’t say it directly. stuff like ducking out of movie night early or feeling a bittersweet pang during thanksgiving dinner makes sense for someone in his situation. 

(i usually ignore that aspect in my fics because i want duke to just be adopted and part of the family already, but not everyone does that, and that’s perfectly fine.)

5. honestly, duke is such a caring individual and we as a fandom need more of him being a shoulder for people to lean on because he’s?? so soft?? duke can be so sympathetic and rational when it comes to emotional problems. it seems like duke internalizes every bit of advice he gets from the people around him and uses it to inspire others and help them through their own problems. as tough and hotheaded as duke can sometimes be, he really is good when it comes to emotions.

6. duke is a smartass. he will 100% use sarcasm against any and every authority figure he meets, usually just for the hell of it. 

7. he’s very frank in general, usually the first to be like “okay full disclosure, we’re about to die right now. that sucks. anyway—” in a situation. he’s honest and tends to be upfront about his fears/anxieties, usually for comic relief, but i think it still counts.

8. okay i have to add that duke is also kind of a punk? he and jason have a lot in common because of this: they both grew up in one of gotham’s worse areas (jay in crime alley and duke in the narrows) and they’re both highkey deliquents. duke has no problem getting into fights or talking back to authority figures, and it’s gotten him in hot water on more than one occasion. it’s why he kept getting moved around the foster system before bruce took him in because no one wanted to keep him.

9. he’s also gotten so close with the other batkids and we love to see it!! duke calls cass “sis” and treats damian like the annoying little brother he never had and i adore every second of it. we haven’t gotten a lot of interactions between duke and the others aside from training and stuff, but he and jason have the whole “punk kid who got adopted by batman and is baffled by how rich people live” going for them, so they can bond over that. and duke is a thinker like tim, so they can hang out and do puzzles or play chess or whatever it is that smart people do. (and duke and steph are BESTIES i don’t care what anyone says.)

10. most of all, duke is still learning how the whole hero thing works. he’s young and he’s trying his best, but he also makes mistakes. he will be impulsive and screw up, and he’ll try and merge the lessons batman’s taught him and that his parents taught him and that other heroes teach him until it all makes sense in his own mind. duke isn’t experienced like dick or even damian, so he’s going to be lagging behind for a while until he grows until the role he’s made for himself.

other miscellaneous details to include: 

- duke is dating izzy, who used to be part of the “we are robin” gang with him - he used to live at the manor and now lives with his cousin jay, but honestly i just have him living at the manor in everything i write because i like it better that way - he can control shadows and light now! what a king! - duke secretly writes poetry and is good at creative writing in general  - this:

- duke is super smart?? he figured out that agent 37 was dick grayson without even trying?? i’m so proud of him - his biological father is this supervillain called gnomon so now duke has got four parents: his mom, his dad, his supervillain dad, and bruce (plus selina if you count her as the batkids’ stepmom, which i do) - jason calls him “narrows” and i love that

- and, lastly, the most important panel in the history of comics:

[missinghan]

cold sun ⤖ han jisung

❖ genre : soulmate au; fluff; angst

❖ word count : 2,6k.

❖ warning : slight swearing

❖ summary : in a world where one will lose something if their soulmate doesn’t reciprocate their words of love once they turn sixteen, jisung is willing to take the risk so you won’t have to bear the burden.

❖ note : i just realized how i always tend to write for jisung when i'm down :')) anywho this piece is a little different than what i usually come up with but i hope y'all enjoy it ♡

It’s the first day of the week.

“Hey, Y/N. I like you!”

And Han Jisung is really annoying.

Those words come out so easily. It's casual in a way that makes you bury your red nose deeper into the soft fabric of your scarf, which makes your footsteps quicken unknowingly as his voice chases after you loudly. Either way, this isn’t the first time Jisung has said so. In fact, it’s become a habit for him to remind you every other day.

There’s no particular reason why. Or at least that’s what you think.

It’s the end of the week. Jisung decides to hang himself upside down on your bed while you’re stressing over a presentation. “Hey, Y/N.” A cold winter breeze comes rushing against the perplexing glass of your window, shaking the frame violently before all motions come to silence.

Until, “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” he creeps up from behind you and chirps into your ear.

“What?” you let out a groan of displease when tempting warmth embraces you whole, prompting you to drop your attention and looking over your shoulder.

Jisung pouts, “You didn’t answer me.”

“It’s because you’re annoying,” you sigh.

“Answer me when I call your name,” he pulls you in a fraction tighter, careful enough not to hurt you but firm to not let you slip away at the same time, and cradles your neck warmly, “So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“Alright, stupid.”

The all too familiar gummy smile returns instantly. “Hey, Y/N?”

And you can’t help but roll your eyes. “Yes, Jisung?”

“I like you,” he giggles into the hug, “I like you a lot.”

Han Jisung really is annoying.

He’s annoying because he talks too much. He’s annoying because of how he always asks for your notes after a gaming night with Felix just to nap in class. He’s annoying because he’d drop you in a heartbeat for a single slice of cheesecake from Jeongin’s mom’s bakery. He’s annoying because of how well he can get along with everyone.

Chatty, down-to-earth, easy-going with a lovable smile—attractive, very attractive.

It’s the week after that. “What...happened?”

“He lost his voice,” Jeongin sighs, looking like he genuinely wants to facepalm himself against concrete while walking with an incoherent Jisung to school; expressive hands with his mouth agape and all.

You tilt your head, “...for real?”

“For real.”

After a few seconds of eyeing Jisung struggling with converting what’s in his head, you exhale deeply and quickly rummage through your backpack, “Just stop, you look ridiculous.” And he does just that, zipping his mouth metaphorically and giving you those typical puppy eyes. “Here, use this.”

His eyes light up like stars when you rip off a page from one of your notebooks and offer it to him along with a pen. Truth is, you’re expecting something as predictable as ‘I like you’ or ‘It’s alright it’s just the worst cold I’ve ever caught’. But then, what’s displayed on the piece of paper right now only baffles you.

Park is going to murder you if he sees some uglyass tear in your Ochem notes :)

A forced grin splits your lips open. “Not if I murdered you first and then the entire school and then myself.”

The first genuine smile blossoms on his lips when you give him a mini-sized notepad and pencil the day after—his sixteenth birthday.

And Jisung decides this is it.

It happens when the sun hasn’t even come out yet and the irritating blue light from his phone reads 5:32 AM.

It happens when he sees your reclined figure leaning back against his mattress, his pupils tracing your delicate features. Perplexed emotions fill his eyes to the brim, fulfillment bursting within his chest when you stare right back at him with such purity. So pure that it seems you can do no harm to him and neither can he.

“Hey stupid,” you murmur quietly, shoving a notepad and pencil against his chest, “Happy birthday.”

Jisung gives you a bright smile, opens his mouth, and snaps it close mere moments later. Sixteenth birthday. Early in the morning. Tired grins. The fondness of being so disgustingly in love.

He can’t help but lean in and caves into the taste his soul has longed for as long as he can remember.

Two weeks have passed since Jisung has lost his voice.

Nothing has differed if you’re being completely honest. Han Jisung is still annoying. His lack of ability to speak doesn’t appear to be a problem to him at all. He loves chatting with people even though he’s more of a listener now. But with the small notepad you gave him a few days ago, being socially active is the norm for him even now.

Thanks to his rather short-period experiences of observing people’s expressions and how their features contort in certain ways when they’re feeling certain emotions, Jisung catches onto your mood more quickly during bad days to help you release your inner turmoil by scribbling down something stupid on the notepad. It’s kinda nice like this, you’d think to yourself sometimes.

Other times, you’re more scared that you might have forgotten what his voice sounds like.

“No wonder you got a fucking cold. Stop taking midnight showers already.”

You wave Jisung over when he closes the wooden door to your bedroom, droplets dripping from his hair as he scratches his stomach tiredly. His hair is a mess when he lazily crawls onto your bed, the cushion beside you dips slightly.

His index finger pointing at his post-shower head and a shit-eating grin are all you need to snatch the white towel around his neck.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you mumble while rubbing the cotton fabric into his hair, “But you’re awfully upbeat for someone who’s lost their voice. Can’t you at least pretend to be sad about it?”

A noise of protest escapes his throat like second nature as your eyes carefully read the quick movements of his mouth. “And can you not be so mean to someone who’s lost their voice?”

A faint smirk creeps its way up to your lips. “Still like me now?”

Jisung thinks hard for a few moments before jumping out of bed to snatch his notepad from your studying area. Of course, I like you. I like you a lot. Your heartbeat momentarily spikes at his scrawny handwriting. Just when your gaze is averted away to cool the blush on your cheeks, he tugs at your sleeve again and points at a different mess of scribbles. You’re more gentle when I’m like this. And you’d always find me if I ever got into trouble. What’s there for me to be sad about?

“Annoying little shit,” you swallow your pride and let him settle his head against your chest.

His presence melts into yours during the hardest hours of the twenty-four, heartbeats on heartbeats and warmth on warmth. Your one regret is that you’re unable to register his tears that night, only the incoherent, breathless hiccups almost as to desperately call out your name.

It’s been a month since Jisung’s lost his voice. And the night when he kisses you for the second time, his notepad is long forgotten next to your pillow.

I-can’t-talk. Give-me-a-break.

Jeongin. Cheesecake. Please? Pretty please?

I’ll fucking kick you.

Wait, there’s homework?!

...so you’re telling me LMAO isn’t how French people laugh?

“This is what you’ve been doing during breaks huh…” you mumble under your breath while lazily flipping through the papers. The occasional ‘I like you’-s do pop up every two pages or so, which is more than enough to make you smile like an idiot. But that is until a peculiar paragraph yanks your attention by its neck and tosses it against a brick wall.

Mom, promise me you’re not going to cry.

He made auntie cry?!

I lost my voice for real now but it wasn’t supposed to be like that at first. I just wanted to mess with Y/N and freak her out for a day.

I’m seriously going to punch him.

She was a lot softer toward me after that, you know. I know it’s extremely selfish of me but I just can’t help being so happy. I’m sorry, mom. I really am.

Han Jisung you fucking idiot.

I was going to surprise her on my birthday by saying ‘good morning’ out loud but nothing came out. My voice was gone.

Guilt, anger, remorse take over you. You knew nothing of this. You never once questioned for a logical reason behind the loss of his voice and kept moving onward as if it’s not that big of a deal. You didn’t suspect it as a kind of prank, either. But you still care, all this time! You have been doing everything in your power as a way for both you and Jisung to treasure himself even if he can’t speak anymore.

I went to a check-up last week. Nothing came up. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

However, without fail, the obnoxious part of you will keep wandering back to the concept of soulmates that has been engraved so deeply into the society you’re living in. It makes no sense to you that Jisung lost his voice for no reason right before his sixteenth birthday. This explains it all now.

It’s going to be okay, mom. Because I have Y/N. I know she would come running toward my side over and over again even if she can’t hear me anymore. I really don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.

Jisung knew the penalty for being the first to exchange any words of love yet he still did it. And you were too busy overlooking that stupid pride of yours to say those three words back.

It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to forget what I used to sound like. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

Jisung fixes the strap of his backpack, looking up at his mom after slipping into his sneakers. She ruffles his bed head and hands him a small white box with Jeongin’s bakery’s signature logo on it.

He tilts his head in faint confusion, peering at the box of pastry in his arms.

“Give it to Y/N on the bus, okay? Her parents aren’t home right now. You know how she would always skip breakfast when they’re out of town.”

His eyes light up instantly in realization and Jisung nods, preparing to bid her farewell. Just then, his front door comes flying open. It can’t be a mere acquaintance because there are very few people other than his parents and himself who know of the spare key hidden under the welcome mat.

As Jisung turns around, he’s keenly aware of your teary eyes already trained on him. Which in hindsight, makes no sense. As a result, panic rises within the hollowness of his chest, his lips falling agape but no coherent words come out.

“Y/N, sweetheart,” his mom flinches, slightly caught off guard, “Is everything okay?”

A scowl stretches over your contorted features as you shut the door loudly. “What the hell is this?” you question, shoving the familiar notepad into his chest. “A prank? A prank?! Do you think that this is funny?”

Jisung’s frantic eyes move to read the paper and every single color on his face drains tremendously. He easily recognizes the peculiar paragraph by how much lighter the ink is compared to the rest of the messy lines because his pen was running low and his hand couldn’t stop shaking.

Your voice.

His eyes avert back to look at you. His brows furrow timidly and shaky breaths burst from his lips almost like a desperate cry for help. There’s too much he wants to say, too many things to explain, and too many questions running through his head that he can’t process what to do next. He might just overwhelm both you and himself.

I need to hear it again.

And you might not stay by his side this time.

“Okay, don’t answer me then, I guess,” you chuckle lowly, dipping your head and turning around.

Jisung grabs at your sleeve instinctively and drops the pastry box, his gaze empty and all too knowing. Sorrow glazes over his starry eyes when it starts becoming hard to breathe properly. The outlines of his lips are moving non-stop yet nothing comes following after that.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” you rasp out and tug at his hand. Then it hits you. He’s like this because of you. Jisung lost his voice because of you.

His mom cuts into the conversation, “Y/N, you don’t understand!”

“I’m sorry, auntie,” you smile sadly and take off running into the streets.

You, in the midst of your self-loathing and guilt, allow your feet to go wherever they want as your vision spirals into a blur. A single droplet threatens to fall when a forceful hand yanks you back to reality.

It takes Jisung a moment to regain his regular breathing pace. And when he finally gets it, all he can do is call out to you with the same inaudible sounds and the same desperation in his eyes. It seems as though he’s fully aware that the prank was the stupidest, most irrational thing he’s ever done. But there’s more to the ocean within his eyes than just remorse.

“I already told you,” you clench your jaw and slap his hand away, “I don’t fucking know what you’re saying!”

A deep sigh. “Why am I mad? Of course, I’d be mad! It’s because of me that you lost your voice! It’s because I like you, too! Yet I never said it back… You lost your voice because of me! Don't you get it? Why can't you just hate me for the sake of it?!”

You miss his voice. You miss it a lot.

You want to hear it again. You want to hear him call you by your name. You want to stay up late and talk about anything to the ends of the Earth and back with him. You want him to be the obnoxious, chatty Han Jisung you've always known.

You miss how annoyingly loud he is.

“Y-Y...Y/N…!”

Jisung collapses onto his knees, a hand on concrete while the other is on his neck. His chest rises and falls unevenly, muffled noises of discomfort echoing deep down from his throat. Despite that, what you heard just now, is his voice.

“Answer me when I call your name. So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“I promised you, didn’t I,” you spread your arms and smile warmly, “That I’d always answer when you call my name. As long as I can still hear you, I will come running toward you over and over again. Doesn’t matter what it takes, doesn’t matter where you are.”

Jisung lifts his head and tears come rolling down on his cheeks. His throat feels swollen when he stutters with difficulties, trying to convey what’s in his head, “Y-Y/N, don’t- don’t go! Please don’t leave me...!”

“Come here,” you close your eyes with the widest grin on your lips, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Only when Jisung grows closer and throws his arms around you, sobbing into your uniform do you convince yourself that all of this isn’t a hallucination. The hug is a lot stronger than what you’d expect. First of all, you nearly fell over from the impact and your arms are pinned so tightly to your sides that you feel like your ribs are going to snap.

Everything is so overwhelming that all you can say is, “Ow.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles into your hair and loosens his arms a bit so you can loop your hands to the nape of his neck and hair.

“You’re so annoying, Han Jisung.”

He purses his lips, sniffling, “You tried to make me snap on purpose. Meanie.”

You quirk a playful brow, “Still like me now?”

“Yeah,” Jisung smiles, “A lot.”

Because he knows that he has you. Until every last star in the galaxy explodes as a supernova, Jisung has you.

[peachycheol]

| reliable |

© banner credit: thank you to the love of my life @suhdreams​ for making this banner for me 🥺💘 ➸ summary: when people say ‘not all men’, they’re actually right. kim mingyu, your best friend, would never disappoint you. especially not in the bedroom.  ➸ genre: pwp 😌 ➸ pairing: best friend!mingyu x reader  ➸ warning: dirty talk, slight dumbification, heavy petting, unprotected sex (pls use protection irl), cream pie, oral (fem. receiving), cum eating, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, yn is really horny? ➸ w.c: 3.2k ➸ tags: you can all thank @risquewonu​ for this <333  

➸ author’s note: ahh, i’m sorry this took me so long! i didn’t mean to write this much, but what the smuth wants, the smuth gets. also, i want to thank you all for 100 followers! i’ll make a separate post to properly thank you all, but i am!!! baffled!!! i really appreciate the support ;u; love you guys! 

If there are two things in this world that you are absolutely certain of, they are: 1) Men ain’t shit, and 2) with the exception of Kim Mingyu. Knowing this information doesn’t really benefit you in any way. You still go out on Tinder dates that leave you high and dry 15 minutes after taking you home. And Kim Mingyu is still your very platonic best friend, who seems to be reliable in every single way except perhaps in the one way you need most desperately. 

But for all you know, he could be just like every other male in bed. He couldn’t be unbelievably handsome, the most thoughtful, caring person you know, and a sex god; it just wouldn’t be fair! No, it is much easier to convince yourself that Mingyu’s perfection only extended to being a best friend, if only for your peace of mind. Otherwise, you’d have to live with the possibility that the only person who can give you sweet release is the only one you’re technically not supposed to fuck. 

For reasons that seem to become annoyingly hazy every time you lie down next to him on his bed, just as you are at this moment. 

The two of you often end nights out like this, scrolling through one another’s TikTok’s until the wee hours of the morning, laughing loudly until his neighbors threaten to file a noise complaint. As someone who has claimed him as your best friend for three years, you know you’re supposed to be used to the smell of the musky cologne that clings onto his sheets and the feeling of his warm body as he leans closer to show you his For You Page. But lately, it seems harder and harder to fight off the warmth that pulses straight to your core whenever he does anything as simple as laugh, making you shiver when his breath tickles the side of your neck. 

God, you just really need to get laid properly. You lick your dry lips and try to remind yourself that you have no idea if Mingyu would even be able to satisfy you. Though you do have to admit you couldn’t imagine any situation where the boy isn’t overly generous and eager to please-- No! Just watch the damn TikToks! 

“Hey, you good?” Mingyu suddenly asks, nudging your side. “Why aren’t you laughing? ‘His package needs to come in the fe-mail’! That one’s gold!”

You let out a snort. Leave it to Mingyu to bring you back to reality with one line. Even when you don’t say a word, he knows exactly what you need in a moment, which in this case is a reminder that he’s your very dorky friend. “Shut up, that’s so stupid,” you say, but you can’t help but laugh along with him when it replays.

“Aha, you laughed though.” Satisfied with your response he scrolls down to a video of a girl smiling suggestively into the camera. She points to the caption that says ‘If all the boys that made me cum were in my room with me right now, I would…’ Suddenly, the camera pans and she looks at the screen tiredly. The caption now read as ‘Be alone. Men are trash’.

At this, you bust out with a howl of laughter, clutching at your stomach. It was kind of sad, but it was good to know you weren’t alone in this world. All the while, Mingyu stares at you with an eyebrow raised. Once you calm down, you meet his amused gaze. “What are you looking at?”

“You thought it was that funny, huh? It’s not even that accurate,” he says teasingly. 

You roll your eyes. “Um, yeah it is. I’ve never met a man who could make me cum, and clearly many other people can relate. This video has 1.4k likes!”

Mingyu quickly puts his phone down and pouts. “Nu uh! Not all guys are that incompetent!” 

“Men are such babies,” you sigh. “They are that incompetent! You know how many dates I went to last semester, right? Not one of them made me cum!”

“Okay, I told you before you even went on those dates that those guys weren’t worth your time.” Mingyu waves his hand dismissively. “For your information, I have made sure that all the ladies that I’ve taken to the bedroom had at least one orgasm. At least!”

“Mingyu, sweetie,” you coo, patting his cheek as if to comfort him. “They were all faking it, because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”  Right? They all had to have faked it. You try to tell yourself this, try to reign in the last bit of sanity you have before your mind wanders off to anywhere inappropriate.

Your best friend now props himself up so that you could properly see the smirk plastered across his annoyingly chiseled features. “You’re so sure, huh? I bet I could make you cum multiple times. Easily.” 

Your mouth falls open in shock. It isn’t uncommon for the two of you to taunt each other like this, but you have also never been in such a vulnerable mood. It’s the type of mood that has your heart racing impossibly fast, the type of mood that has your panties pathetically damp from just one sentence. You blink, trying to regain as much composure as you can. You know it’s too late, though; your imagination is already flashing through scenes of your deepest desires, all being fulfilled by the man in front of you. But Mingyu is only joking, so you do what you can to continue playing along and pretend like you don’t want him to just fuck you into the mattress until you were drooling into his sheets. 

“I-I seriously doubt that!” you say, but there is no conviction in your voice. Clearing your throat, you try adding, “Dude, I’ve literally seen you fall down a flight of stairs when you were sober. And we were going up. Kinda hard to imagine that you’ll know how to fuck me to an orgasm when you can’t even walk right.” 

Now you’re just lying through your teeth, but you want to hold off the inevitable moment that Mingyu discovers your apparent arousal for as long as possible. The last thing you need right now is for him to laugh in your face.

Mingyu chuckles, then suddenly shifts so that his arms are placed on either side of your head, trapping you underneath him. To his surprise, you do nothing to push him off like you usually do at this point. Still, he doesn’t plan on being the first to back off, so he continues his little game, intent on winning. “See, this is why you can’t find a guy who can satisfy you. You clearly don’t know what to look for.” He leans down until the tip of his nose grazes yours. For good measure, he drops his voice an octave and says, “You’ll be the one who can’t walk right when I’m done with you.” 

Perplexingly, his shameless flirting doesn’t make you move as he predicted. Nor does it make you look annoyed. Instead, you look up at him with eyes that are unmistakably glazed over with something he didn’t quite expect to see: pure lust. It immediately sends a rush of blood down to his cock. He blinks. Oh. So this is where the night is going. He only falters for a moment, but he soon flashes a breathtaking smile down at you, his eyes glinting mischievously. 

 It isn’t like he’s never thought about it before; he had just assumed that once you started calling him your best friend, you were also lowkey telling him that sex was off the table. And it wasn’t like he minded, because he definitely liked being by your side knowing it was fully okay to be himself since you were obligated to love him regardless. Plus there was just something about you that made him want to take care of you and if being your best friend was the only way he could do it, then that had been fine by him. But now that he knows that he can take care of you in another way, in the way that he sometimes found himself yearning for on lonely nights, he is all too eager to break free of the unspoken boundaries between the two of you. 

“And what am I looking for?” you whisper. 

“It seems like you’re looking for me, baby,” he responds softly, before pressing a kiss where your jaw meets your neck. He slowly drags his lips down the side of your neck, and revels in how it already has you pressing your legs together. “Damn, you weren’t kidding when you said those guys didn’t make you cum, huh? Is that why you’re already so fucking worked up? You want to cum that badly?”

You nod wordlessly, not quite ready for Mingyu to hear the desperate whine that would surely leave your lips as he continues pressing wet kisses along your skin. You opt to simply thread your fingers in his hair and tug hard enough to show your impatience. It seems to trigger something in him; all in an instant, your best friend’s soft lips clash against your own, his tongue easily sliding into your mouth, all the while while his hand reaches down to grab one of your thighs. He squeezes it teasingly before pushing it outwards, which causes the mini skirt you’re wearing to bunch up around your waist, revealing your panties and how they cling to your pussy like a second skin. 

“M-mingyu!” you squeak into his lips when you feel his fingers tentatively rub small circles into the wet spot. He nips at your lip harshly as he starts to rub more deliberately, the flimsy fabric of your underwear creating a delicious friction against your clit. “H-hah! Yes, o-oh my god!” 

“Fuck, you’re already so wet for me, baby girl,” he chuckles, but he knows he isn’t one to talk while his cock is half hard just from hearing the way you moan his name. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you. You’re not leaving this room until your little pussy cums nice and hard on my cock.” 

“Ngh!-- yes p-please! Please, Mingyu,” you beg mindlessly. Your eyebrows are scrunched together in concentration. Despite your best friend’s promises, you are still hesitant to hold out any hope for anything more than what you’re accustomed to, so you try to take as much as you can while it lasts. However, in your lustful daze, you had forgotten that if Kim Mingyu is anything, he is a man of his word. 

 You let out a high-pitched moan when his fingers suddenly grind harsh circles into your clit, more surprised than anything else that he even knew where to find it. “But first,” he says, licking his lips, “you’re going to be a good girl and cum just like this. Right into your filthy little panties. Can you do that for me, baby?” 

He takes your drawn out whine as a response, and continues to rub relentlessly over your hardened clit until your legs begin to shake. That’s when he shoves the soaked material of your underwear to the side and pinches the bud. Hard. 

He rolls your clit between the pads of his fingertips over and over, sending jolts of electric pleasure all the way to your toes. It causes them to curl, all the while you feel the heat simmering in your lower abdomen finally coil tighter and tighter. “Fuckfuckfuck,” you chant, the words coming out slurred like you’re a teenager who’s gotten drunk from one sip of champagne. “M-mingyu-- mmh! I t-think I’m going to--!” 

A loud cry leaves your lips the moment the coil snaps, and you nearly tear up from how much better it feels to finally cum on someone else’s fingers, especially Mingyu’s long, thick digits.  He soothingly slides them through your drenched folds, mesmerized by how much wetness now covered his hand. “That’s it, baby,” he encourages. Once your body slumps back into the mattress, he brings his fingers up to see how they glisten in the light. “We’ve barely even started and look at what the mess you’ve already made. You must have been waiting so long for me to fuck you, huh?” 

Not even your post-orgasm buzz can keep you from getting irked by Mingyu’s cockiness, which is why you reach your own hand down to squeeze his cock through his jeans. “Seems like I’m not the only one who’s been waiting for this,” you say with a sly grin of your own. He watches you, jaw clenched, as you swiftly pop the button of his pants open and slip your fingers past the waistband of his underwear to take hold of his fully hardened member. 

It feels warm and heavy in your palm, which can barely wrap around the girth. You bite your lip, your pussy greedily clenching around nothing at the thought of how good it would stretch you out.

“I should have known you’d be a fucking tease,” Mingyu rasps. His hips buck into your hand involuntarily, and his smile returns when he notices how the movement makes you whimper in anticipation. 

There is a beat of silence when you and Mingyu meet eyes before the both of you begin undressing each other as fast as you can, haphazardly tugging off both your shirts, his pants, and your pesky undergarments. Once he’s tossed aside your soiled panties, he immediately presses your thighs apart to get a full view of your sopping cunt. “So pretty,” he mumbles to himself, spreading the lips apart with his fingers. His member throbs at the sight, the tip leaking precum when he sees how your pussy clenches in anticipation. “I bet it’s going to look even prettier when it’s taking my fat cock, don’t you think?”

The two of you watch in awe as Mingyu starts to sink into your entrance, a garbled moan leaving your lips when the tip alone already has you feeling so full. “Mingyu, h-how is-- ooh!-- your d-dick soo-- f-fucking big? A-Ah!” It takes a good while for you to finish your sentence as each of Mingyu’s shallow thrusts leave you gasping for air. By the time he bottoms out, the both of you are panting hard, both engrossed by how snugly his cock fits in your walls. 

“Shit, if I had known you’d be this tight, I would have fucked you sooner,” Mingyu groans. He slowly drags his member out of you, letting you feel every inch of him before he surges forward into a feverish pace that already has his bed frame creaking loudly. He is definitely getting a noise complaint from his grumpy neighbors tonight. But seeing you underneath him like this, lips parted and legs spread, definitely makes it difficult to care about anything other than the desire to hear more of your needy cries. “Does it feel good, baby girl? Do you like how my cock fills your little pussy?”

“It fuh--!--ngh, feels s-soo good,” Having already came once, your sensitivity is on overload, and each rough thrust of Mingyu’s hips, each crude slap of his skin against yours, is enough to drive you closer and closer to delirium. “Mmh-- please, Mingyu! F-fuck me so deep!”

“Anything for my little cockslut.” He moves quickly to kneel between your legs, hooking his arms underneath your knees to keep them open as he continues to pound into you. The new position instantly makes you keen loudly, eyes rolling to the back of your head when you feel his member brush against your cervix. 

“Fuuuuck,” you sob and clutch at the sheets. His grip on your legs tightens and he angles his hips so that he hits that spot every time, rendering you completely incoherent. You want to beg him to fuck you like this forever, to tell him you’d do anything to feel his cock fuck you open every night, but you can only babble, unable to comprehend anything that isn’t the insatiable thirst burning within you.

“Damn baby, did I fuck you stupid?” Seeing you so drunk on his cock, he wonders how anyone could ever fuck you without wanting to see you cum over and over again. His hair falls over his eyes as he fucks up into you with renewed vigor, his hot skin covered in a light sheen of sweat. He grits his teeth when he feels how tightly your walls grip onto him.“Shit-- you must want me to make you cum again, baby girl. Your little pussy just keeps sucking me in.”

“H-hah, y-yes! Yes, please god, Mingyu, I want to c-cum again. P-please let me cum,” you beg, practically writhing as you pathetically attempt to meet his thrusts. Without any hesitation, Mingyu brings down his thumb and presses it into your swollen clit, causing your body to seize up suddenly. “A-Aah Mingyu! I’m--!” The intensity of your orgasm has your back arching off the mattress, head thrown back in a silent scream. Wave after wave of pleasure continuously washes over you, seemingly unending, unlike any orgasm you ever thought possible. 

“That’s right baby girl, get my cock nice and wet,” Mingyu growls. He fucks you through your release as he sloppily chases his own, not too far behind with how your walls are pulsing around him. He makes sure his cock is deep inside you and stills his hips when fills you with his hot cum. “Fuck, this pussy was fucking made for me.”

Just as you think you’ve finally come down from your high, he pulls out of you and he shifts to lower himself to place his mouth on your spent pussy. “M-mingyu!” 

You squirm and half-heartedly try to shove his head away, far too sensitive to have his tongue licking into your leaking entrance, but Mingyu is persistent. He pushes your legs to your chest to keep you from squeezing them close, and hums when he tastes the hot mixture of your and his own cum on his lips. The way he slurps and sucks at your folds is absolutely sinful as he eats you out like you’re the most delectable treat. It almost hurts to feel so much ecstasy at once, but it still leaves you mewling for more, unable to get enough of the boy.

Your third orgasm ripples over you when he suddenly scrapes his teeth over your abused clit, and you feel a tear slide down your cheek as you weakly shake against his mouth. 

Mingyu is smiling when he pulls away, looking slightly ridiculous with how his lips still glisten with cum. You tiredly slump back into his pillows, eyes already drooping close. “What is it?”

“I told you I could do it~” he says proudly. He goes to grab some tissues from the bedside table so that he could start cleaning you up, giggling all the while. It really is unfair how he could look so cute moments after railing you into another dimension. 

You groan. You’re never going to hear the end of this.

[street-smarts00]

The One Where They All Find Out

Bakugou x fem!reader

Summary: You and Bakugou have been dating for the last few months, but you have kept it a secret from the class. What happens when someone overhears a conversation that they weren’t supposed to, or finds a missing eyelash curler? And what happens when their classmates want to have a little fun after learning their secret.

~ this is heavily based on the tv show friends, if you know what happens in this episode then you know how this story is going to go.

~ fluff, w/ ⚠️ bad language and mentions of sex

~ characters are third years & 18

Not proof read, sorry not sorry, I’m lazy and this shit took me over a week.

~ word count: 5.8k

Moments like these were perfect. The two of you spending time together alone whether it’s in his dorm or yours. Either way the both of you would spend as much time together as you could without raising suspicion.

You and Bakugou have been keeping your relationship a secret for the past few months. It’s not that you didn’t want other people to know, it’s just that class 1-a can be, how shall we put this? Nosy and prone to teasing.

You especially didn’t want anyone to tease you guys and want to know all your business when the relationship first started and you and Bakugou were still figuring things out. But now it’s become kind of a habit to keep it a secret and you guys liked how much privacy you got.

The two of you had just gotten off of school and immediately bolted to Katsuki's dorm. You dropped your backpack onto the floor when you stepped in. He then came up from behind you, grabbed you and tossed the both of you onto his bed. “I’ve wanted to do this all day,'' he mumbled into your neck. “Me too,” you smiled. You spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing in each other's embrace and watching Netflix on your laptop.

When it came time for dinner you grabbed your opened bag and placed your laptop back inside. Katsuki cracked open the door to make sure the hallway was empty. You pecked his cheek and slipped out of his room and across the hall into yours.

Shortly after you had sneaked out of his room, Denki and kiri came by Katsuki’s. Kiri opened the door and the pair stepped inside. “Yo Kachan you coming downstairs, dinner is almost ready!”

“Don’t rush me dune face!” Bakugou replied.

Kiri glanced around the room and noticed something on the floor that caught his eye. He picked it up to examine. “Uh bakugou, why do you have an eyelash curler on your floor?”

Bakugou’s eyes widened, shit, that’s y/n’s. He was baffled, how the hell did she leave that in his room. Until he remembered that she left her bag open and threw it around. Crap, now what’s he gonna say, sorry my girlfriend, our classmate, left that in my room.

Instead he said,

“Why are you asking me? I don’t know who’s that is.”

Denki raised an eyebrow as he exchanged a glance with kiri. “That still doesn’t explain how you got it though. I mean it’s cool if it is actually yours, but I’ve never seen you wear anything other than eyeliner so I'm assuming it’s not.” Kirishima began.

“Or are you fooling around with someone in secret and they left it behind?” Denki smirked.

He was cornered. Just act angry and they’ll stop asking about it. “Will you just shut up already? Geez you wanted to go down to dinner so badly and now you can’t shut up about some stupid eye makeup thing!” He yelled as he got up to walk out of his dorm. He looked back at Denki and Kiri, who were still standing in his room.

“Well? Are you coming or what?” He glared at the pair. They quickly rushed out of his room as to not anger him further and just decided to drop the eyelash curler incident.

Although that conversation was far from over.

Shortly after everyone had gotten down to the kitchen you walked up to momo who was bringing over a plate of food to the table. “Hey Yaomomo, can ask you for a favor?”

She smiled, ”yes of course, what is it?”

You answered “can you make me an eyelash curler with your quirk? I lost mine earlier and I’ve been looking for it, but couldn’t find it.”

Kirishima, Kaminari, and Bakugou’s heads all shot up immediately after hearing your request. The gears in Kiri and Kami’s brains started turning. Momo replied, “yea sure it’s not a problem.” She then generated an eyelash curler out of her arm with her quirk and handed it to you.

Kiri and Kami’s eyes almost jumped out of their sockets. “WHAT?!?” They both pointed at you and your boyfriend. At that moment Bakugou jolted out of his seat, grabbed kiri and denki by their shirts and dragged them out of the common area and into the hall. You didn’t know what was going on but you assumed it might have to do with your relationship considering they were pointing at you and your boyfriend and screaming. You looked at your classmates who were more confused than you and said “better make sure he doesn’t kill those two,” and ran over into their direction.

When you met with them in the hall Kiri and Denki whisper screamed “you? And you? Are you guys hooking up?” Bakugou placed his hands on their mouths and growled, “will you two extras shut up.”

It looked like Kirishima and Kaminaris lives had just flashed before their eyes. They anxiously nodded their heads and complied with their angry friend. Bakugou removed his grip on them but kept his glare.

“We’re not hooking up, were dating, but you can’t tell anyone.” You sighed. Denki looked like a kicked puppy, “what? Why not?” Bakugou swatted him in the arm. “Ow” Denki winced in pain.

“Because if you do tell anyone I’ll blow your ass up so bad they’ll. . .”

“Katsuki stop it” you interrupted him with a reprimanding tone.

He huffed and shut his mouth glaring at your two friends. Kirishima started giggling, “Woah! You told him what to do and he actually listened! How’d you do that?” Katsuki was about to explode, his eyes boiled with rage and he grabbed onto his best friend's t-shirt.

You frantically pushed his hand away and placed yourself in between your friends. “ALRIGHT! Katsuki, can you please not kill our friends? And you guys, can you please, please not tell anybody that we are dating?” They all seemed to calm down.

“But why are you guys keeping this a secret?” Kirishima questioned. You sighed, “Well at first it was just so we could figure things out in private when we first got together. You glanced at your boyfriend, “but after a while we really liked the privacy and we both aren’t good with talking about our feelings and having that privacy made it easier. Also we didn’t want to make it a big deal”

“But it is a big deal! It’s you guys! I mean no where in a million years would we have thought you guys would end up together.” Denki added. He’s not lying though. You and Katsuki’s personalities didn’t exactly mesh well at the beginning of your friendship.

“But still, can you guys please promise to keep this a secret?” You asked.

“We promise, we won’t tell anybody”

You smiled, “Thank you.”

—————————————————————-

It had been about a week since the first two found out your secret.

Jiro was in Uraraka’s room studying. At one point Uraraka heard something from the other side of her wall, in your room. She couldn’t make out what it was and blew it off. Until she heard the voice louder this time, but it was still fuzzy and she still couldn’t make out what it was.

She assumed you were trying to talk to her because sometimes the two of you would yell through the walls if you needed something or had to ask a question. She tapped jiro on the shoulder and asked “Hey Kyoka, I think y/n is trying to yell through the wall but I can’t hear her. Can you use your earphones and tell me what she’s saying?”

She nodded her head and responded “Yeah sure.” She used her quirk and placed her earphone jack in the wall that was shared with your room. To her surprise she heard more than one voice.

“I think tomorrow I could sneak over to your room after I’m done studying with Momo and Tsu. I’ll just tell them I’m doing laundry or something,” you said.

Jiro heard a chuckle from a low voice, “laundry is that my new nickname?” Wait a second. WAS THAT BAKUGOU?

“No, you know what your nickname is jackass,” you giggled in return.

“Yea but I’m your jackass,” Bakugou added.

Jiro unplugged her headphone Jack from the wall. Her jaw was dropped and eyes wide. “What happened? What did you hear?” Uraraka asked worriedly.

“I think y/n and bakugou are dating,” she replied.

“What?” Ochako was stunned.

“Yea, I um, I heard her tell him that she would sneak over to his dorm tomorrow after studying but she was going to use laundry as an excuse. Then he said laundry is that my new nickname? And she said no you know your nickname is jackass.” Jiro continued.

“Oh my god! Seriously?”

“There’s more. The last bit I heard was bakugou saying, but I’m your jackass.” She finished. Ochako squealed, “Aww that’s so cute, wait, that's odd hearing bakugou act all . . . well . . . somewhat sweetly.”

Jiro nodded her head in agreement, “I know right. But more importantly y/n and bakugou are dating!”

The two girls continued their conversation about their friend's new found relationship. They decided to take a break from studying, mostly because they couldn’t focus on anything other than you and Katsuki. They walked downstairs to the kitchen to get drinks and snacks. Surprisingly there weren’t that many people in the common room. Momo and Deku were in the lounge area playing uno, while Kirishima and Kaminari were in the kitchen getting snacks as well. They tried to keep their voices as low as possible so as to not attract the attention of their fellow classmates, it did not work.

“It’s pretty funny how affectionate he sounded, like there’s know way he would say “but I’m your jackass” in front of other people.” Ochako whispered.

“Yea, who knows maybe y/n brings out that side of him. Which is still weird to think about because they didn’t speak or get along for the longest. They only just started to become friendly, and now all of a sudden they're together.” Jiro replied. However, in their efforts to try and keep quiet, the boys still overheard their conversation. They started to freak out. How did the girls find out about you and bakugou? Kirishima was the first to speak, “you guys know about y/n and Bakugou?”

The girls froze in their tracks. “YOU KNOW?” They both yelled in shock. Shit, he didn’t think that through. He placed his hand on the back of his neck, “yea we know,” he answered. His classmates were even more surprised, “WE?”

He was really bad at this. “Yeah me and Denki know. How do you guys know?” He asked. Jiro replied, “We thought y/n was trying to yell through the wall so I used my quirk to hear her better and we heard them talking.”

All the yelling caught the attention of Momo and Deku. “What’s going on with Kachan and y/n? Are they ok?” Deku questioned the group. They all froze like deer in headlights.

“Um uh . . .” The boys didn’t know what to say.

So, Ochako answered for them, “Bakugou and y/n are dating.”

There was a lot more yelling, wide eyes, and confusion that followed Uraraka’s previous statement. Kiri and Denki explained how they figured it out and the girls explained more thoroughly how they accidentally found out. None of them knew what to do with this information but they all agreed on one thing. Do not say a word to anyone.

That almost went according to plan. Until the final person found out, Mina.

——————————————————————

Kaminari, Mina and Uraraka were outside doing some after school training. Uraraka wanted to practice floating others with her quirk and Kami and Mina eagerly volunteered to help her practice.

“Ok! Who wants to go first?” Uraraka asked. Mina raised her hand and excitedly waved it in the air. “Me! Me! Can I go first!” She cheered.

Uraraka smilled, “Yea sure!” She walked up to Mina and raised her hand a few inches away from Mina’s shoulder. “So I’m going to float you to about the third or fourth floor. You’ll stay there for a moment and then I’m going to bring you down. If at any time you feel uncomfortable or scared, please tell me and I’ll bring you down,” She explained.

Mina smiled and gave ochako a thumbs up, “Got it, and don’t worry I trust you.” Ochako then placed her hand on Mina’s shoulder and activated her quirk. The pink haired girl started to slowly float up into the sky.

“This is so much fun, I can see everything from up here!” She shouted in excitement. Mina had a beautiful view of the campus. The other dorm buildings, the UA building, and all the training fields. She turned around and glanced towards their dorm building. It turned out she had been floating at the same height as your dorm. You had left your blinds open and Mina had a clear shot of you through the window.

“I can see y/n’s dorm from here,” she shouted to her friends on the ground.

Mina tried to get your attention by yelling and waving her hands around. “Hey y/n! It’s Mina!” She then saw bakugou enter the view from the window. That’s weird, why is he in your dorm. You two were kinda friends, but definitely not the type to hang out alone together.

“Wait, why is he in her room,” she mumbled to herself.

What she saw next would stick in her memory forever. Bakugou wrapped his arms around you and placed his hands on the small of your back as you leaned in to kiss him.

You placed your hands in his hair to deepen the kiss. “OH MY GOD!” Mina yelled. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Bakugou then moved his hands down to grope your ass. You jumped up and wrapped your legs around his waist while his hands rested on your upper thighs and ass. He then walked over to your bed and . . . “OH MY GOD!”

“MY EYES! MY EYES! BRING ME DOWN! BRING ME DOWN!” Mina yelled down to her friends.

Uraraka slowly brought her down and deactivated her quirk once Mina’s feet hit the ground. “What happened?” “What did you see?” Uraraka and Kaminari asked worriedly. They knew Mina could be a little dramatic from time to time but it seemed like whatever she saw must have really startled her.

“THEY’RE DOING IT!” Mina shouted frantically. “Bakugou and y/n! Bakugou and y/n!”

“I know!” Ochako added.

Mina raised her eyebrows, “You know?”

“Yes! I know, Kaminari knows and a few others but you have to stop screaming. Someone’s gonna hear you.” Ochako responded. Mina was now aware of how loud she was. Thankfully she was far enough from the window so the two of you wouldn’t hear her; however if someone else was outside, they would definitely hear.

“So just to recap, they know that Kiri and Denki know, but they don’t know that the other four know?” Mina asked.

After the whole situation outside happened, Ochako and Denki brought Mina inside to tell her the whole story. “Yup,” Denki answered. “But you know what, didn’t doesn’t matter who knows what. Because now enough of us know, and we can just tell them that we know. Now all the secrets and the lying will finally be over.”

“Or we don’t tell them that we know and have a little fun of our own,” Mina suggested. “Quick text the others to come over, I have an idea.”

——————————————————————

The next day you woke up in a horrible mood. When you woke up it was like you hadn’t gotten any rest at all. It felt exhausting just to get out of bed and you were moving sluggishly all morning. You had stopped by the cafeteria to grab some coffee before class to try and wake you up.

Your energy was low, very low. Whenever you were tired it was easy to irritate you. You walked into your homeroom class, only about half the students were there. But then again you did have a few minutes till class. You sat down at your desk in the last row and took a large sip of your drink.

You put your arms on your desk and rested your head. You knew you wouldn’t get any sleep but at least you could relax for a bit before class.

Although your relaxation abruptly ended.

You were still awake so you heard everything going on around you. Including a conversation between your boyfriend and Mina Ashido.

“Hi bakugou! What’s up,” she said cheerfully.

You could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Leave me alone raccoon eyes.” Typical bakugou as always.

“Aw come on, what do you mean we're friends aren’t we?” He scoffed while avoiding eye contact. “Unless you wanna be something more.”

Your head shot up so fast you felt dizzy. You couldn’t see straight but you could make out that Bakugou's head snapped towards Mina. “What?” He furrowed his brows in confusion. “I’m just kidding,” she giggled as she playfully pushed his shoulder. He stared at her like she had lost her mind. “Although you are pretty handsome if I do say so myself.”

What the hell? Since when was Mina interested in Katsuki? You remember her saying that he was like a gremlin with anger issues. Which ya know is kinda true but, HELLO, he is your angry gremlin.

Aizawa walked in with his famous yellow sleeping bag and Mina walked back to her desk. “What the hell was that?” You whispered to yourself. That must have caught the attention of Deku because he turned around to face you. “Hey, you ok?” He asked.

“Yea it’s just, did you see that?” You replied.

“See what?” You’ve got to be kidding me. He seriously didn’t notice that. His childhood friend that sits RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. being hit on by his classmate. “Mina um hitting on bakugou.” You answered.

“Oh yea, I heard she really likes him.” Oh no. This was it, you had to tell them now. Well no not this second. But later today you had to break the news to Mina. You felt bad for her, but if she really did like him, you had to tell her the truth.

Later that day in the dorms you pulled bakugou to the side and hid in the hallway on the first floor. “Listen, we need to talk.”

“You’re not gonna break up with me are you?” He asked. “No no, of course not . . It’s um. . It’s Mina.” You answered.

“You mean this morning? Yea that was weird as shit.”

“I know right. I never would have imagined her liking you. I mean, I wouldn’t have pictured me liking you either. But Mina has never, and I mean never even shown interest in you. Usually whenever she saw me fawning over you before we started dating she said that you looked like an angry gremlin.” You ranted.

“WHAT DID SHE SAY ABOUT . . .” You placed your hand on his mouth and backed him against the wall. “Are you nuts, someone’s gonna hear you jackass.” As it turns out someone did hear you guys. Right when you released your hold on him you heard a chuckle from around the corner.

Bakugou turned to walk around the corner and all you heard was an explosion and a shriek. He came back dragging a defeated Kaminari by the collar of his shirt. “What’s so funny?” Bakugou sneered.

Denki put his shaky hands up in surrender, “Nothing. I swear.” Before bakugou could threaten him with another explosion, you interrupted. “Denki, do you know something?” He zipped his guilty eyes to you. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. Whatever he was going to say next you knew would be a lie.

“No, what do you mean?” He tried to reply nonchalantly, but failed.

“Answer the question!” Katsuki growled. If it was even possible, Kaminari looked even more guilty. He had trouble looking the two of you in the eyes and was shaking. He sighed, “Alright fine. Mina knows about you guys.”

“What? How the hell did she find out?” You asked. Denki shook his head. “I didn’t tell them.”

Bakugou was filled with rage at his friend's statement. He grabbed denkis collar with both hands. “They? Who's They?”

All color drained from denkis face. “Mina and . . . Me.” Bakugou’s grip on his friends shirt tightened. “Uraraka, Jiro, Midoriya, and Yaoyorozu,” Denki trembled. ”EVEN DEKU KNOWS!” Bakugou nearly screamed.

“Katsuki let go of him! How do that many people know?” You asked. Your boyfriend released his right grip on your friend. Denki sighed with relief and replied, “Well everyone else kinda just found out by accident. Most of them overheard you guys or us talking about it. While Mina on the other hand . . . let’s just say you guys should keep your blinds closed when being . . . affectionate.”

You and Bakugou froze. A deep red blush danced across both of your faces. “Aww you guys are all blushy,” denki added. Bakugou looked him dead in the eyes while making sparks go off in his hand. Denki averted his eyes in fear.

But wait, that still doesn’t make sense. You replayed the events of this morning in your head. If Mina knew about you guys all along then why would she deliberately flirt with your boyfriend. Even Midoriya said that Mina might have liked Bakugou after watching her flirt. Then again he was one of the people that knew and was probably playing a part like Mina.

“Wait Denki, if Mina knew that we are dating, then why did she flirt with Bakugou?”

His lips turned to a flat line and placed his hand on the back of his neck. “Well funny story, we all thought it would be fun if we messed with you guys a little bit about your secret and had one of us flirt with one of you. We chose bakugou because he’s emotionally constipated and we chose Mina because she is the smoothest and the only one that was good at flirting.”

You could practically see the smoke pouring out of Bakugou's ears. he made his angry gremlin face and you knew he was going to murder Kaminari. You placed a hand on his arm to try and calm him. He looked at you and his expression eased a little. At that moment his mood changed. Not from angry to relaxed, but more like angry to scheming. Instead of blasting his friend to Mars he balled his fists and loudly sighed. “Well, sense they took it spoon themselves to mess with us, I say we have some fun too.” He smirked.

You were expecting a lot of things for him to say.

That was not one of them. “Huh?” You asked.

“They thought it would be fun to flirt with me to mess with us. How about we play their game?”

It was the day after you had found out a handful of your friends had discovered your secret. You were really hoping that your plan would go accordingly. It took a little convincing but Bakugou roped you into playing your classmates' game of let's freak out the secret couple. You waited anxiously as Mina walked over to the desk two seats in front of you.

“Hey bakugou. How’s your morning been?” Mina said with a cheery smile. Bakugou kept a pretty neutral expression. “Good.”

“Ya know, did anyone ever tell you you have nice eyes?” Mina continued as she played with her hair.

“No, but thanks. You're not so bad yourself.”

You could’ve sworn Mina pulled a Denki and short circuited. You glanced around the room and saw everyone else, except of course the short circuiting man himself, with the same reaction. You looked back at Mina and she was a stuttering mess. “Oh um . . really? . . that's uh nice of you to say.”

Although it was all just fun and games, it did sting that your boyfriend was so flirty with your bestie. Mina awkwardly shuffled back to her desk and quickly whispered something to Uraraka. The first part of the plan was set, now it was your turn.

You gazed at the seat in front of you to make sure that your green haired classmate was watching the interaction before you. You leaned forward to his ear and whispered, “I guess Mina’s feelings aren’t one sided.” He looked back at you as if you told him you killed somebody. “Yea I guess so.” He replied. He quickly glanced at Momo who was seated behind you before slowly turning to face the front.

Later that day, during lunch the little group that knew your secret were all seated together. There were also a couple of new members after what happened this morning before class. Now the group included Todoroki, Sero, Tsu, and Hagakure. Of course the whole class knew something must have been going on. However these four in particular needed to know what that something was and knew exactly who to go to.

“Ok so now that we’ve explained the story of how we all found out for the millionth time, can we please discuss the freak show that was this morning?” Jiro began.

Kirishima face palmed, “This makes no sense. Bakugou may have the emotions of a crouton and anger problems, but there is no way he is a cheater.”

“Yeah I agree. Kachan is a lot of things but he isn’t a cheater,” Deku added.

The group didn’t know what to do. A few of them looked over to you and Bakugou sitting across from each other at another table.

Deku spoke again. “So, I’m pretty sure that the both of them found out yesterday after school. Yesterday after Mina flirted with Kachan, I turned to talk to y/n and she looked like she had been hit with a truck. Her reaction seemed pretty genuine. But then today, she reacted calm and cool, a complete 180 to yesterday,” He rambled like always.

“It still doesn't make sense how they would have found out,” Uraraka added. While everyone was trying to figure out how the two of you found out, Denki was practically shaking in his seat with guilt. Thanks to his nerves, he accidentally made a small spark go off and zap a nearby Sero.

“Ow! Kaminari, your quirk is all sparky,” Sero winced in pain.

Denki zoned back in from his endless stream of thoughts and apologized profusely. After Denki caught Mina’s attention she remembered something. “Hey Kaminari. Didn’t you try to eavesdropp on them yesterday to see if they were freaked out by our prank? Did they say anything to you or something?” She asked.

“Nope,” He said a little to loud. “They didn’t say anything.” He kept darting his eyes from Mina to the very couple they were discussing. Everyone furrowed their eyebrows and gave him questioning looks.

“Kaminari, do Bakugou and y/n know we’re pranking them?” Jiro asked. He wouldn’t look at them, just kept his eyes on the ceiling.

“Nope.”

“Denki” she insisted.

She continued to stare him down. It felt like she was drilling holes in his skull with her eyes. He knew he was cornered, nowhere to run. He looked back at all his friends and his stomach dropped. He put his shaky hands up in defeat. “Alright, alright they know ok. Just stop looking at me like I killed somebody, it’s freaking me out.”

The group's tension deflated. Mina rested her head on her chin. “So what do we do now?” She asked.

“I think we should still do it. See how far it will go until someone cracks first.” Todoroki proposed. Everyone turned to look at him. He had been silent during the entirety of this discussion and has made very few reactions as well. Most of them forgot he was even there he was so silent. “Why do you say that?” Momo questioned.

“Because bakugou isn’t the type to give up. And he especially doesn’t like to lose. He is going to keep playing along with this prank until you guys crack.” He explained.

“Ooooh I like Todoroki’s idea! Let’s do that.” Mina responded excitedly.

“You do realize you’re going to be the one doing the flirting right?” Kirishima added. Mina’s former bubbly excitement deflated and turned to dread. “Oh no.” She turned to survey the table you and bakugou were eating at. “I did not think this through.”

After lunch Mina didn’t get a chance to talk to bakugou. However, now that classes are done for the day, the fun can begin. Almost the entire class was in the common area, waiting to see something happen.

You were especially on edge. You knew that your friends had probably figured out that you knew their little plan. You also knew that they would specifically target Bakugou more than you because he was a difficult target. Bakugou had determination that was matched by few and he especially did not like to lose. It also ticked you off every time you saw Mina, one of your best friends, flirt with the man that was yours and only yours. Of course it was fake and didn’t mean anything; but on the other hand it worried you a little bit.

Why was Bakugou so comfortable with playing their game and flirting back? Was it because it was fake? Or maybe it was his competitive spirit and turning their practical joke into a competition. Either way, you didn’t want to lose either. Let the games continue.

You were seated on the couch watching tv with a few others. From where you were seated, you could see Mina follow Bakugou into the Kitchen when he left to get a drink.

“Hey Bakugou! How’s your day been” She started off in a cheery tone. He turned to face her, “pretty boring until you showed up.”

You could tell Mina was on edge. You’ve seen her be quick and composed during missions, but right now seemed like she was one wrong move away from cracking. It seems like you guys won’t lose after all.

“Aww who knew the big and strong Bakugou was a softy,” she playfully pushed his shoulder. You could see his jaw clenched. Bakugou was putting in all of his self control to not scream his ass off like normal.

Mina leaned her elbows on the counter and rested her head on her hands. “So are you doing anything later? Because I was thinking maybe the two of us could hang out or something.” She proposed.

He plastered on a fake smile. “Sure, I’ll do whatever you want.” He replied.

She leaned forward, “how about we do something now? Maybe go somewhere a little more private?”

“Where um did you have in mind?” He hesitated.

She started to lose her cool, she moved her hands to the sleeves of her hoodie and started fidgeting with it. “How about my room?” She asked with the fakest smile you’ve ever seen.

“Absolutely.” The color was slowly draining from his face.

Your heart was racing as you noticed them walk away. Your boyfriend gazed at you, you don’t even know what kind of eyes. He just looked like he was going to snap within the next 30 seconds. You couldn’t believe Mina was being so forward. They definitely were pulling all the stops to get the two of you to crack.

You slipped your phone in your back pocket and stood up from the couch. You looked up and everyone was staring at you, probably waiting for you to admit defeat, WHICH YOU WERENT. However, you did want to make sure your friend wasn’t trying to be sneaky and make out with your boyfriend, even if it’s fake.

“I’ll be right back I need to get my charger from my room,” you blurted out and practically ran to the elevator.

By the time you got up to the floor with Mina’s dorm you saw the whole Scooby gang come out of the stairwell. You stared at them and they stared back.

“What are you guys doing up here?”

“we want to spy on them,” Todoroki replied calmly. The whole group froze and turned all their attention to him. “Roki! You don’t tell her that.” Denki scolded.

You clenched your fists, “whatever.” You walked to Mina’s door and everyone followed. A handful of you had your ears pressed to the door. Because of the walk and the detour in the hall you probably missed most of the conversation.

“So um, I guess we’re really gonna do this Huh?” Mina started. That the first thing you all heard. Her voice was shaky and high pitched.

“I um, I guess so,” he replied.

You were about to throw open the door. This has gone way too far. It was ok with you to have your boyfriend flirt with Mina for the sake of the prank and getting back at your classmates. HOWEVER, kissing her was going way out of line. Your jaw and fists clenched and your blood was boiling. You were seconds away from activating your quirk and sending this door flying when

“AHHH ALRIGHT FINE I CAVE! Get off my raccoon eyes! I can’t kiss you!” Bakugou screamed.

Mina giggled in surprise, “AH HA! And why not? She asked.

“Because I’m in love with y/n.”

“You you WHAT?” She gasped.

Huh? What did he say? Did he say that word. The word you guys haven’t said to each other yet? Everyone around you froze and landed their eyes on you. All of your faces went pale. You shakily opened the door and stepped inside.

“You what?” You mumbled.

Bakugou’s eyes softened when he turned his gaze to you. He walked over to your direction and placed his hand in yours. “I love you dumbass.” He said confidently.

“I love you too jackass,” you replied as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss.

Although as touching as this moment was, the loud screaming and cheers from 2/3rds of your class was kind of killing the vibe.

“YOOOO! “Holy Shit!”

“Oh My God, was that their first I love you?”

“Sero owes me $15”

“I thought you guys were just hooking up, I didn’t know you were in love!”

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[my-writings-and-musings]

First off I'm a big fan of your writing style and Ii absolutely love how you write the bots. I was wondering if you would be opening to writing more for that one prompt where a bot's S/O can't accept compliments easily. I'd would really love it if you did it with Megatron, Swerve, and Fort Max if you can. 🥺

Thanks again for all the work you do 💞

Thank you! I do try to stand out a bit but keep it close to canon! I can also definitely write Megs and Swerve, I'm trying to limit the number of characters so I can get through asks faster, hope that's okay!

Megatron

"You're learning at exceptional speed, I've never had a better student."

The words were so startling, even if hardly unprompted, that the data pad in your hands nearly slid free.

"Oh, I doubt that!" you replied, smile that didn't meet your eyes forming on reflex. Sitting at the very desk you were seated on, Megatron unfortunately didn't take your response in stride, and instead blinked in surprise. Your words hadn't managed to throw him off as they did so many others. Pretending you didn't notice, you went right back to scanning the prose he'd praised you for coming up with just moments before.

"I can assure you..." he began, a little more softly. The prickle of anxiety made you tense on the spot, like a cat preparing to jump for dear life. Personal experience was telling you that this wasn't safe, that praise was always a false flag for something foul, but you were left frozen on the spot. Warring emotions of self preservation and fondness for the mech kept you still as he continued. "I have had the opportunity to work with many individuals, and I am quite certain you are among the most gifted."

"I don't think-"

"Y/N." he interrupted, soft and gentle yet firm. You flinched, and he left his own data pad to lift your chin with a digit. Tears gathered in your eyes on reflex, and you tried to rub them away, twisting between feeling foolish for crying and being wary still of untrustworthy words. Yet there was little anyone could doubt in his kind red optics.

"I know what it is, to doubt anyone could say anything pleasant on your behalf." You sniffled at how cleanly he cut into the heart of the pain. "But please trust me when I say; I find you a remarkable individual, and you deserve to hear it."

Swerve

"I don't think anyone has ever mixed a drink that well on their first try!"

Uncertain how the bot could find the odd smelling concoction to be at all tasty, you brushed off the words both out of habit and disbelief, as it wasn't too hard to believe Swerve was just sparing your feelings. He did consider you his favorite squishy, after all.

"You don't have to pretend, Swerve." you replied more or less playfully, the small bit of pain at your perceived failure easy to quash down after a lifetime of practice.

"There's no need to pretend, this is top notch!" he replied emphatically, taking another deep drink to emphasize his point. You were more than a little baffled by his commitment to the part. There was no need to keep it up, and most people would see that by now. Uncertainty made you shift on the bar, your hands pushing the mixers you'd used back into some semblance of order so that they might be occupied with something productive.

"Seriously, you're not going to hurt my feelings." you said a little more softly, looking away from him while you spoke. There was a powerful desire to end the conversation here, lest it go somewhere that could hurt you, so you prayed the barkeep would stop pretending and let it be. For your sake, at least...

"But I mean it." he insisted, making you double down on looking away. Before you could indulge your instinct to flee a tender hand cupped your tiny body, the bot equivalent of a loose hug for your small human self. Vulnerability powerful enough to make you tremble also made it impossible to look at him as he spoke. "Hey, don't be sad, I really mean it okay?"

A gap toothed smile met your gaze when it finally raised, and you allowed yourself to be pulled in for a proper hug to his broad front.

"I know better than anyone how hard it is to hear nice things about yourself sometimes..." he said, leaving it at that as his embrace did the rest of the talking. He wanted you to know he meant it, with all of his spark, and he was willing to wait as long as it took for you to believe him.

[sparkling-moonbeam]

Xiao x Reader (Genshin Impact)                 🍀A Subject🍀

A/N: It’s been a while since I posted something so here’s a Xiao one. Sorry, it took a while but I’ll try me best to write more since vacation is now here. Reader is gender-neutral. Hope you enjoy reading!

🍀💐🍀🍀💐🍀🍀💐🍀🍀💐🍀🍀💐🍀🍀💐🍀🍀💐🍀🍀💐🍀🍀💐

Black smokes and a pair of golden eyes. It’s the first thing that caught your eye as you arrived in the rooftop of the Wangshu Inn, a place that the traveler recommended on you as you told them you’re planning to go to Liyue, looking for a subject to sketch. The traveler warned you on the dangers you might encounter, making sure to remind you to call a friend of theirs in times of great danger and when you try to questioned it:

“He knows what to do. He’s an adeptus, a protector of Liyue,” they stated.

“Like a Knight of Favonious?” you questioned.

“You can say that…except the fact he works directly for their archon and really held great responsibility for the duties that the Geo archon laid upon him,” they explained further. “Oh and, please don’t forget to call him in case of danger. His name is-”

“Xiao.”

You uttered, staring into his golden eyes. You notice the black smokes surrounding him, you don’t know if it’s the effect of the teleportation he used or something else. You also take note of the spear he’s holding, the color same with the tips of his upfront hair. The once peaceful feeling on the terrace suddenly disappearing as the intense tension in the air completely evaporated it.

“How do you know my name?” He questioned, eyes squinting in suspicion. “You don’t seem like a citizen here. State your business.”

You blinked, “I-I’m from Mondstadt, I’m a friend of the traveler that-”

“The traveler, you say?”

As soon as he heard that, his whole demeanor changed. The black smokes slowly disappearing into thin air, clearing the whole tension that build up earlier. His grip on the spear relaxing a bit as he continues to inspect you.

“Did they send you here?”

His eyes remained looking at you carefully, maybe taking notes of your actions and what you might be up to. If not for mentioning the traveler, you might be in great danger now. Thank the Archons, the traveler warned you and lend you their knowledge for this trip.

“Not…exactly.” You answered, smiling slightly as you try to explain your reason. “You see, I came here because I need a new subject-”

“For what?”

“…Sketching an art. The traveler just assisted me on the things I should know before going here. They told me about you and to call you if ever I face something..really dangerous?”

He didn’t move an inch after your explanation. His lips remained in a straight line as he stared at you, processing your words before flipping his spear into the air which quickly disappeared in a blink. The movement making you flinch a little.

“The traveler’s right. In any case that you face something dangerous ahead, call my name. I’ll take care of it.”

He turned his back at you, looking at the view on the terrace as if scrutinizing every place around the inn. You watched as the wind blew, his hair dancing with it as the leaves on the tree fell into the terrace. You gently tiptoed to the side, not really going near him as it might put you in a bad situation. The sun reflecting half of his face add effects on what you were witnessing just right now. His gold eyes looking seriously but also faraway. You notice how the tips of his hair and his eyes seems to glow, you thought it might be because of the shade of the tree and the sun. His pale lips never moving an inch, remaining still like before.

You were too busy taking notes of everything you’re seeing. It’s perfect, way too perfect, in all honestly. The timing, the lighting and him, it’s pretty. A beautiful sight that you’re actually witnessing right now. A smile escaped your lips as you were taken in by the view. Fascinating.

“What are you still doing here?”

You blinked as he took a glance at you. All of your thoughts moving away for a second. Your smile turning into an awkward one as you thought he caught you looking too intensely at him.

“N-Nothing.” You tried to laugh, fixing your gaze into his gold orbs. “I just…really wanted to stay for a while. I mean, the scenery here is breathe taking like really breathe taking.”

He blinked slightly, confusion filling his eyes as he continued to look at you. You’re being weird in his eyes; your actions are too baffling for him. “You should go somewhere. Liyue has more places to offer with breath taking views. Don’t come near me as it might bring you in danger.”

Your head tilted in confusion, looking at him with a blank stare. “I don’t get it.”

“What?”

“I mean, you told me to call you whenever there’s danger and yet you threat yourself as a danger too. Aren’t you the protector of this city, Liyue?”

He scoffed. “You know there’s different kind of protectors, right?”

“Oh, so you mean like a vigilant or something. You’re like that?” you questioned; your voice fills with curiosity.

“Yes. Now, stay away-”

“But still, you’re just doing your duty right?” You cut him off unexpectedly. “Regardless of how evil or dangerous your actions are in your eyes, at the end of the day, it’s for the safety of the people here.”

He looked away, “You don’t get it, it’s much more complicated than that.”

You smiled, sitting down as you grab your sketching materials from your bag. “Can you explain it to me then?”

He sighed, “It’s something hard to-”

He stopped as soon as he saw you sitting down, a brush and a piece of paper in front of you as you were surrounded by brushes. At first, he was confused at what you were doing then it hits him.

“Are you secretly just keeping me distracted by talking to me?”

You hummed, glancing at him. “Not really, I’m curious too but I won’t pass any opportunity to sketch something…remarkable.”

“You’re wasting your time. Like what I said, there’s a whole lot of places than-”

“Say, can I…interest you into something?”

He looked at you in confusion. His eyes eyeing your brushes and other materials on the floor. You’re cutting his words, usually it was him that always cut someone off. It’s amusing, he thought but you’re being bizarre on your actions as time goes by. It’s not unusual for him to find a really determined and hard-headed mortals and you give off the same aura, except that you’re not begging him to give you wealth or something.

“Hello?” He snapped to reality as he heard your voice. You smiled as his eyes meet yours. “Are you okay?”

He closed his eyes; you should be no exception still. A mere mortal like you can’t get close too much to him or you’ll suffer, sooner and later.

“Get all of your stuff and leave.”

You lean back to the railings of the terrace, a sad smile forming your lips as you sighed. “Don’t I really stand a chance?”

“I told you, no.”

“Even if you’re the subject?”

His eyebrows knitted. “What? Do you really think that would make a difference?”

You chuckled. “Look, I’m trying. I’m not a good persuader like the traveler.”

He sighed, “You’re hopeless.”

A laughter escaped your lips on his remark. He looked at you as you laugh. He was never one for jokes, that meant to be an insult, he thought. Why are you laughing so light-heartedly? He wanted to ask you but you seem like you’re really having your time laughing and for some reason, he don’t want to disturb you. It’s the first time someone laughed at his comment with no any sign of malicious intent or hurt.

“Alright, I’m fine.” You fix yourself, fixing your throat for a second to stop yourself from laughing. “But seriously, don’t you wanted to see yourself in-”

“I’m not interested. A common behaviour of mortals like you was to always look for something priceable. I assumed you’re just going to sell it in high price anyway.”

You gasped in exaggeration, clutching your heart in a jokingly manner as you look at him. “That’s a very harmful stereotype to the people out there!”

“It was a normal act for mortals,” he deadpanned.

You hummed, “I mean, you’re not entirely wrong…”

“Because it’s what they are.”

You looked at the sky, thinking about what he said. “Say, do you have some deep grudge against these mortals?”

“Don’t call them like you’re not a part of them,” he stated.

You pouted. “I’m just asking.”

“Stop asking then.”

A sigh escaped your lips. “I don’t really sell some of my works, I only sell paintings or sketches of sceneries. It’s different when it’s personal.”

“Personal?”

“Something that really caught my eye, you know. Like what they said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Whenever I see those moments, I keep them or sometimes I gave them to the people I shared the memories with. So…”

You looked at him, a warm smile on your lips. “I’ll give it to you once I’m done.”

He turned to you with a puzzled look, “What benefit is there for you then?”

“Connection with different people.”

“You should get close too much-”

“I know. Just let me sketch you and the scenery, then we’re finished,” you stated.

“Will you keep-”

“It’s a deal. I will keep those words.”

He looked at you intently as he tried to decipher your mind but no matter how he tried to looked at you, his curiosity just eats him more. You’re a weird one, he wanted to tell you but instead he kept it in his mind. He has a feeling you’ll just laugh again anyways.

He looked away. “Fine, just do it quickly.”

You cheered before picking up your brush again. “If I do it quickly, I won’t caught it perfectly.”

“You’re the one who wanted this,” he stated.

You pursed your lips. “It’s not my fault if I found my subject earlier than I anticipated.”

He glanced at you for a second before returning his gaze to the scenery ahead of him. He took note of the orange hue of the sky and the cold breeze of the wind. He closed his eyes as a thought entered his mind.

Maybe he can let this one slide.

[darkcircles4lyfe]

retrospective & predictions

Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both. 

putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:

At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.

From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil. 

I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.

Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms: 

There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:

Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really. 

But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-

The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.

The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on. 

The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.

Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him. 

Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:

1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit. 

2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty. 

Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice. 

Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.

Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.) 

And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.

The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance. 

I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.

To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...

See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered. 

One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:

As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted. 

See you next week <3

[haleigh-sloth]

I have a question but why do you think so many people are against Dabi/Touya getting a redemption arc or getting saved? Like some are against him being saved but are all down for Shiggy and Toga to be saved? I usually see the same argument and it’s frustrating! Like before I explain myself just want to say I’m not hating on Shiggy or do I feel like he’s any less worth saving but I see these arguments that leave me baffled. So the arguments I have seen before is some people don’t think Dabi/Touya can be redeemed or saved because he has murdered 30+ people, but like Shiggy has probably killed the same amount of not more people so that logic doesn’t really cut it. So why does it make a difference? Like why are people so against Dabi/Touya being saved or redeemed?

Well, I'll start this by saying that Shigaraki has ABSOLUTELY KILLED MORE PEOPLE HOLY SHIT DUDE. It's not even up for debate 😂 that boy flattened two cities with the touch of a hand. Shiggy is my favorite hands down and I'll defend the boy til I die but he has done so much more damage. That's kind of the point to his arc--actually. But anyways~

Content Warning of abuse below the cut a bit further down--

So with that--I've wondered the same thing you're asking. Why is Touya getting so much hate? Why not redeem him? Well, there's a few reasons that I have seen:

Endeavor- This is the first and foremost reason I can see for Touya having so many antis. This is something I can't grasp or fathom--Why do so many people like Endeavor? Or more like--why do so many people want to see an abuser thrive and his victim be put down? I can understand wanting to see an abuser better himself AND wanting to see the victim thrive, and I can see people wanting the abuser to be put down and the victim to thrive. But to just want the abuser to come out on top? No. Fuck you. (not you anon). So for whatever reason that I cannot fathom, people can't stand the idea of Touya surviving, being saved and redeemed, because it means that Enji has failed (which he already has but--again I really don't understand that side of the fandom and quite frankly I don't want to). So yeah, Endeavor has a lot of ridiculous fans. Hawks- I've already talked about how ridiculous some of the Hawks-stans are. I'm sorry but---they're fucking ridiculous. Some of them need to step away from their computer, go outside, breath some outside air, and shut the fuck up. And let me tell you---we sometimes joke about how the hero-stan side of the fandom lacks critical thinking skills and can't read past the surface--but I want to disagree with to an extent. I can tell you right now, Hawks's stans saw THIS:

And they knew. Seeing Hawks remain in the dark while Dabi walked toward the light. They knew what this was foretelling. And they didn't like it. And then this happened:

And they DEFINITELY did not like that. And then Dabi went and made fried chicken out of him and they found more reason to hate him with all their being. Hawks was kind of set up to die heroically--and even though his arc is pretty bad right now, I still think that at this point that’s the best ending for him. For me, he’s gone too long without even remotely thinking of changing his ideologies, and has been backing Endeavor unquestionably for a bit too long now. It’s just not looking good for him survival-wise. And his stans either SEE this very clearly and are in denial and need something to hate in order to deal with it, OR they really just aren’t looking as deep into the story as they need to. Those panels I used above though honestly tell it all. That being said he very well may survive and not have any consequences from his low point at all--but then he gets thrown in the “BNHA’s shittiest written arcs” pile. But whatever. 

Also--shoutout to the blogs I follow and people I talk to who genuinely LOVE Hawks’s character but like--aren’t ridiculous about it and don’t harass people in their inboxes about it. Who also try to understand his character and not just make him out to be a uwu baby that never did anything wrong. TRUE Hawks-stans if I ever saw em.

Shouto--This is FAR less common than the other two reasons, but I have seen a few people who think this. They love Shouto (understandably--he’s a fluffy boy who needs a hug from his big brother Touya), but they think that Touya is going to be Shouto’s “final boss”, or his mortal enemy or something. Which--idk if they just refuse to read into Shouto’s awesome character on purpose or not, but he is not about to go out there and try to kill his big brother, who he never got to know, who he KNOWS suffered because of their father, and who is very very clearly in physical, mental, and emotional pain. Again--Shouto-stans are a  far less part of the problem. But I’ve seen this misunderstanding of Shouto’s character go around a few times. 

This next one is also big, and kind of falls into the same category with Endeavor up top--but it’s such a huge issue that I’m seeing that it needs its own paragraph: People don’t understand children’s behaviors, abuse, abusive family dynamics, and just child psychology in general. Child psychology is hard to understand--but also very simple. It’s hard as an adult to think back to how black and white the world was when you were a kid. Your parents were your safe place--they were your guardians. Or rather--they were supposed to be. This isn’t always the case though. And the Todoroki family exhibits a lot of realistic aspects of abuse. Even though the Todoroki backstory was very messily written--one thing is absolute: Endeavor emotionally abused his child. The issue is that Shouto’s and Rei’s physical abuse was shown FIRST in the story--and THEN we were shown what really happened with Touya wasn’t so easily identified as abuse (I mean it is--to me, but not to everybody). And people got stuck on comparing Touya’s and Shouto’s childhood instead of viewing them as two completely separate crimes Endeavor committed against his family. And they misunderstand Touya’s behaviors. Peep back at when I said that your parents are supposed to be your safe place--well, for Touya, Enji WAS his safe place, his guardian, his world. And then suddenly all of that disappeared without reason (good reason I mean). And that takes a serious toll on a child. I could honestly go on and on and on about this topic in particular but it’s not necessary for this ask. The point is---people don’t think Touya was actually abused or that he suffered as a child. They seriously lack an understanding when it comes to stuff like that. And they aren’t shy about showing it to the rest of the internet. 

The last reason which I think kind of encompasses all of these reasons: People don’t understand redemption arcs--because they’re not your run of the mill Heroes vs. Villains story. It makes it to where it’s not clearly obvious whose side you should take. I guess people don’t like that---but I love it. Why not take BOTH sides?

You get to have more fun this way imo. You get to watch and see how the two sides come together--rather than just stick to one ideology til the end. I think it’s because people don’t like having their ideals, beliefs, and values challenged. It may be personal for some people--but forgiveness is a touchy subject as well.  And I also think a lot of people very much think that the rules of our reality should exist within fiction. People forget that fiction exists for us to escape reality--I don’t know why this is so easily forgotten. But what’s cool about fictional stories is that everybody can have a happy ending--no matter how many atrocities they committed, people they hurt/killed, because guess what? NOBODY ACTUALLY GOT HURT! 

But anyway---these are the conclusions I’ve come to regarding why Touya has so many haters. Some are legitimate reasons (the last two I listed) and some are just outright ridiculous (the first three I listed). 

I’m not bothered though. I would LIKE to say that when these villain-saving chapters come out I’ll laugh hysterically at all the villain-haters’ reactions---BUT I already blocked almost all of them. 😂