#sometimes i just need to express my emotions

[tarotwithavi]

Common Manifestation Mistakes & How to Fix Them

Manifestation is a powerful tool, but many people unknowingly block their desires by making small mistakes. If you feel like your manifestations are taking too long or not working at all, it’s not because the universe isn’t listening it’s likely that something in your approach needs to shift.

1. Focusing on Lack Instead of Abundance

One of the biggest reasons manifestations don’t come true is because people focus too much on what they don’t have. When you constantly think, “I need money” or “I really want love in my life”, your energy is centered around lack. The universe responds to your vibration, so when you focus on what’s missing, you attract more of that emptiness.

How to fix it: Instead of thinking about what you don’t have, shift your focus to abundance. Act as if your desire is already on its way. If you’re manifesting financial success, start feeling abundant even before the money arrives. Express gratitude for what you already have, and trust that more is coming.

2. Not Taking Inspired Action

Many people believe manifestation is just about thinking positively and waiting for magic to happen. While mindset is important, action is equally necessary. If you want to manifest a new job, but you never apply for one, the universe has no way to bring it to you.

How to fix it: Manifestation works best when you meet the universe halfway. Take small, inspired actions toward your goals. If you’re manifesting love, work on self-love and put yourself in situations where you can meet like-minded people. If you’re manifesting success, develop skills and seek out opportunities that align with your vision.

3. Letting Doubt and Negative Thoughts Take Over

Doubt is one of the biggest blockers of manifestation. If you set an intention but constantly think, “What if this doesn’t work?” or “Maybe I’m not lucky enough”, you are sending mixed signals to the universe.

How to fix it: Reprogram your mind with positive affirmations. Whenever a doubtful thought arises, counter it with something positive. Instead of saying, “What if my manifestation never comes?”, say, “What if it happens even better than I imagined?” Faith and belief are key in the manifestation process.

4. Being Impatient and Checking Too Often

Many people get frustrated when they don’t see instant results. They keep asking, “Where is my manifestation?” and constantly look for signs. This energy of impatience actually pushes the manifestation away because it shows a lack of trust in the universe.

How to fix it: Trust that your desire is on its way, even if you don’t see immediate results. Let go of the need to control when and how it will happen. The universe has perfect timing, and often, things are aligning behind the scenes before they manifest in your reality.

5. Manifesting from a Low-Vibrational State

Your emotional state plays a big role in manifestation. If you try to manifest while feeling sad, anxious, or frustrated, your energy is not aligned with what you want. You end up attracting more situations that match those low emotions.

How to fix it: Before setting an intention, raise your vibration. Do things that make you feel happy and aligned, such as listening to uplifting music, spending time in nature, practicing gratitude, or meditating. Manifestation works best when you are in a state of joy and trust.

6. Being Too Attached to a Specific Outcome

Sometimes, people get too fixated on a very specific outcome, which limits the universe’s ability to bring them something even better. For example, someone might be manifesting a specific job at a specific company, but the universe may have an even better opportunity waiting for them.

How to fix it: Be open to different possibilities. Instead of saying, “I want this exact job”, say, “I attract the perfect career opportunity that aligns with my highest good.” When you trust the universe’s plan, you allow better things to flow into your life.

7. Forgetting to Practice Gratitude

A lot of people focus so much on what they want that they forget to appreciate what they already have. This creates a sense of dissatisfaction, which lowers your vibration and slows down manifestation.

How to fix it: Make gratitude a daily habit. Every morning or before bed, take a moment to acknowledge the blessings in your life. The more grateful you are, the more the universe gives you to be grateful for.

[mommyownsmee]

8🙈

8: What are the rules you would give your little/sub/domme?

Rules - For my Submissive

You will address me as „Mommy/Daddy“ in private at all times and I‘ll always call you by a name of your choice [unless inappropriate]. You decided for „…“ in private and „…“ in public. We decided that you can call me „…“ in public.

You must always obey my orders [unless inappropriate]. If you can‘t you have to give me a reason for it, which I will respect at all times.

You must send me a selfie of you everyday [definitely], or a photo of what you wear [if you can].

You will take any punishment you may receive [without complaint]. Appropriate punishment will be given for breaking any of these rules- and you must give a proper apology: „I’m sorry for [what you did] Mommy/Daddy“. Rule breaking is only allowed under special circumstances [birthdays etc.]

We agreed on the Punishments together and added them to the app already.

You must always tell me when/where you consume any drugs/alcohol and who you are with- before doing so. I want you to be safe and have infos if there is an emergency.

You may not have another treat you as I do allow. I will not be happy and you will not be forgiven if I find out [and I will].

I may add/remove anything from these rules at any time [we can always talk about these rules].

Mommy/Daddy will always tell you if they‘re having a bad day [our dynamic will maybe have a certain timeout].

You will always say good morning and good night to mommy/daddy. You will always tell mommy/daddy when you have to leave and where you‘re going [except it‘s an emergency. In this case you can tell mommy/daddy later what happened].

You have to put on your online time and checkmarks for messages on your social media for mommy/daddy. I want to see if you‘ve read my messages and when you‘ve been online. Otherwise mommy/daddy will be very worried. This is a point that can‘t be discussed.

Bedtime is at midnight. Only exceptions are weekends [Friday and Saturday] or birthdays, etc.

You are mine. You belong to me alone.

I want you to tell me your location when you‘re not at home or at work.

You have to stay within 2 meters when we are walking in public, no walking away from mommy/daddy.

You have to inform mommy/daddy about your plans for the day [in the morning].

You have to ask mommy/daddy whenever you want to buy expensive (things that are not groceries/ drugstore articles/... Like electronic devices, clothes etc.)

No eye rolling, no sticking tongue out, both gets you -500 points OR one overstimulation punishment.

Rules - For my Domme

| I AM AUTISTIC |

Communicate clearly & directly – I sometimes struggle with subtle cues or unspoken expectations. Please be clear in your instructions, tone, and intentions so I can fully understand what you need from me.

Correct me, but with understanding – If I make a mistake or displease you, I accept discipline, but I also need to understand what I did wrong and how I can improve.

Acknowledge my efforts – I thrive on pleasing you, and knowing that I’m doing well fuels my devotion. A simple acknowledgment, whether praise or correction, means everything to me.

Give me the freedom to express myself – I need a space where I can express my thoughts, emotions, and concerns without fear of punishment or dismissal.

Establish routine & predictability when possible – I function best when I have structure. Please help me by keeping routines, rules, and expectations as consistent as possible, and letting me know in advance if things will change.

Encourage my growth – Submission is a journey, and I want to grow both as your submissive and as a person. Help guide me to be better, not just for you, but for myself as well.

Allow me to seek comfort in you – When I am vulnerable, uncertain, or struggling, let me turn to you without fear. Your dominance is my anchor, and your presence is my refuge.

Recognize when I need you the most – There will be times when I struggle to express my needs. Please be attentive to my unspoken signals and guide me when I cannot guide myself.

Give me time to process changes – Sudden changes in routine or expectations can overwhelm me. If something needs to shift, please let me know in advance when possible, so I have time to adjust.

Respect my sensory needs – Certain textures, sounds, or touches may overstimulate or distress me. Please be mindful of my sensory sensitivities, especially during play, discipline, or intimacy.

Allow me to use stimming or self-regulation methods – If I need to stim (rocking, tapping, fidgeting, etc.) or take a break to regulate myself, please allow me to do so without judgment. It helps me stay calm and present.

Be patient with my emotional processing – Sometimes I may struggle to express what I feel or need right away. Please give me the time and space to process my emotions and communicate them in my own way.

Understand my social exhaustion – Engaging with people can drain me faster than it does others. If I need quiet time or struggle with social interactions, please allow me the space to recover without guilt.

Rules - For my Little

Littlespace rules for public

Always hold hands with mommy (you can also hold onto mommy‘s arm if you need/want to)

Mommy will always open and close all doors for you

Mommy will talk for you in every situation

Please whisper into mommy’s ear if you want something or have the need to say something

Basic rules

You must always respect Mommy

You must always be be truthful and honest to Mommy

If you are sad Mommy prefers to know immediately.

You are allowed to eat snacks if you will eat a lot of healthy stuff (We will discuss this further).

You don’t have to do anything that you don‘t feel comfortable with.

You are always allowed to speak your mind without punishment given, but Mommy doesn‘t want you to use bad words.

„No“ is „No“. There is no „maybe“.

Evening rules

Your bedtime is 12-1 am (We can talk about a specific time).

You should always take care of your body (shower daily, brush teeth and take makup off etc).

You get Mommy-time daily before bed (read a book, talk or play something) in which Mommy will be there for you only. No distractions.

Morning rules

Your wake up time is 7am (We can talk about a specific time).

You have to brush your teeth in the morning.

You have to eat a healthy breakfast.

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

full discloser: I do not have ADHD, so if anything I wrote turned out to be inaccurate, let me know! I used this as a resource.

if you like my work, please consider commissioning me :)

Doey & Player with ADHD

★ Doey helps the player stay organized by creating fun and engaging systems. Whether it's color-coded lists, visual schedules, or giving you reminders. He really likes doing these things for you because it's actually really fun for him.

★ His approach can be childish at times. Turning something into a silly game to keep you motivated. "Let's see who can finish sweeping their half of the floor first! Ready, set, go!"

★ If you were on any medication for ADHD, you would be going through withdrawal by now. Withdrawal from any medication you've been taking for a while can feel like hell. As the symptoms start to show, Doey notices.

★ To help manage the withdrawal symptoms, Doey offers some distractions. Whether it's reading a book, telling stories, or trying to keep your mind calm by doing some breathing strategies he learnd to control his temper.

★ When the player talks fast, Doey listens intently and keeps up with their rapid speech. He finds their excitement contagious and feeds off it. He even matches the player's energy when they talk loudly, as long as it's not happening somewhere it could attract unwanted attention.

★ If you were the type to overshare sometimes, Doey is a patient and tries to be a non-judgmental listener. He knows out that oversharing is a way for the people to connect and feel understood, it's something he figured out with the younger children long ago.

★ Doey validates the player's emotions and lets them know that the Safe Haven is a place were for the player can express themselves freely. "This is a safe space. Feel free to share anything! just... try not to give anyone nightmares. Okay?"

★ When something happens and you don't really know how to feel about it, he gives you time to process your feelings. Never rushing you to respond or react. Sometimes he needs time to think things over too.

[astrolook]

Your Birth Chart : The Cosmic GPS of Your Life.

It’s like your zodiac sign, but with a lot more feelings and less meme potential.

Forgot to tell you that even though I do birth chart readings on both Western and Vedic astrology, I prefer Vedic astrology more as my grandfather is a professional vedic astrologer for 30 years. I used to sit with him and watch him do readings for others whenever I visit him. Hello is 87 now and doesn't do readings anymore. I got his notes and it helped me greatly in the past 6 years.

Lemme me walk you through what you can learn from these 12 houses. If you wanted a complete reading or any other readings that I listed on my pinned post, just leave me a message.

House 1 : Welcome to your personal reality show—where you’re the star, the drama, and the plot twist!

Your "Hello, world!" moment. It's where your true self struts onto the stage, whether you're ready or not. It's the place that says, "This is me, deal with it!" And if you’re ever wondering how people see you? This house is your answer, no filter. This is your ascendant too.

House 2 : Where your self-worth meets your shopping cart—hope you’ve got a coupon!

House 2 is your personal treasure chest—money, possessions, and all the stuff you think defines you. It's where your relationship with your bank account, your snacks, and your comfy socks lives. Basically, it’s the house that says, "I’m worth it," and also, "But can I afford that?"

House 3: The Sibling Saga & Chatty Hour - Where gossip meets the road, and your brain decides to overthink EVERYTHING!

House 3 in astrology is basically the spot in your birth chart where all the “I’m just trying to have a conversation” moments happen. It’s ruled by Gemini and is the domain of communication, learning, and short trips—so if you’re wondering why you can’t stop texting your best friend at 3 AM or taking random detours on your way to work, House 3 has you covered.

House 3 is your brain's best (and most chaotic) playground. It’s also the house of short-term learning, so if you’re ever in the middle of a random Google rabbit hole, House 3 is the culprit, encouraging your brain to soak in everything from useless trivia to “who really invented the potato chip” debates.

In short, it’s the house where your inner chatterbox lives, loves, and sometimes gets stuck on repeat.

House 4: Where your roots are buried… along with your childhood trauma and that one dusty old sweater!

the cozy little nook of the zodiac where everything feels like home—whether it’s a warm hug or a crazy family reunion you didn’t RSVP for. Ruled by Cancer, house 4 is here to make sure you never forget that emotional baggage is always just a basement away.

House 5: The Drama Queen & Funhouse - Where your inner child throws a tantrum… or starts a talent show!

The house of fun, creativity, and—let’s be real—drama. Ruled by Leo, this is the cosmic playground where your inner performer, artist, and party animal live in perfect harmony. It’s where you go to express yourself, whether that means blasting your favorite song and dancing around the house or making your friends watch your latest TikTok masterpiece. Totally casual.

This house is also the domain of romance and pleasure, so it’s where all your crushes get way too much attention, and where every date feels like the season finale of a reality show. It's where you shine, baby—whether you're on a stage, in the spotlight, or just wearing a ridiculously fabulous outfit to the grocery store.

House 5 is also the place for children, your inner child and so on. Ready for your next adventure? Grab some popcorn, because this house is always ready for a show!

House 6: The "I Need a Nap and a Salad" Zone - Where productivity meets exhaustion, and your inner Virgo becomes the office manager of your life!

The house of work, health, and routines. It’s ruled by Virgo, so if you find yourself obsessing over every tiny detail of your daily life—whether it’s your diet, your work schedule, or whether your socks are perfectly matched—House 6 has got you covered. This is where you turn into a tiny, stressed-out robot who lives on coffee and occasionally remembers to stretch (but only after your back hurts).

House 6 is all about getting things done (or at least pretending you’re getting things done). It’s the zone where you manage your day-to-day tasks, juggle responsibilities like a circus performer, and try not to spiral into a mini existential crisis about how you still haven’t taken that 5-minute walk your fitness tracker recommended.

It’s also the house that deals with health, so it’s like your personal doctor, nutritionist, and gym coach all rolled into one—except you may not listen to any of them. There’s also a little “nervous energy” vibe here, so if you find yourself reorganizing your entire closet to avoid confronting your to-do list, yep, you guessed it, that’s House 6 in action.

House 7: The Relationship Rollercoaster - Where 'we need to talk' happens… about everything.

House 7 is all about partnerships, whether that’s romantic, business, or that friend who’s always late to everything. Ruled by Libra, it’s where you seek balance, harmony, and—let’s be real—sometimes, a little drama.

From marriage to bestie bonds, this house is where you sign contracts, have deep convos, and occasionally argue over who left the dishes out. It’s the "mirror" of your life, reflecting what you need (or think you need) in others. Time to pair up!

House 8: The Shady Transformation Zone - Where your secrets, taxes, and weirdest fantasies meet in the dark.

House 8 is the house of transformation, shared resources, and all the things you’d rather not talk about at family gatherings—like your finances, intimacy, or that one "crazy" ex who still wants to know how you’re doing.

Ruled by Scorpio, it’s where you dig into the depths of life, confront your fears, and, let’s face it, probably do some questionable stuff just to feel “alive.” Need a makeover? House 8’s got you. Just… don’t ask where the skeletons are hidden.

House 9: The Adventure Time Zone - Where your wanderlust, philosophy, and Google searches for 'how to get a PhD in 10 days' collide.

House 9 is all about expanding your mind, seeking truth, and hopping on a plane to somewhere you can’t pronounce. Ruled by Sagittarius, this house fuels your love for travel, higher education, and big-picture thinking. It’s where you get super philosophical at 3 AM or book a spontaneous trip to Bali after watching one YouTube video.

Dream big, travel far, and occasionally forget where you parked your car while contemplating the meaning of life. Who needs direction when you have House 9's wisdom... and a passport?

House 10: The "Look at Me Now!" Zone - Where your career, reputation, and obsession with Instagram followers collide!

House 10 is all about your public image, ambitions, and how you climb the metaphorical (or literal) ladder of success. Ruled by Capricorn, this is the place where you think about your legacy—so, no pressure. It’s where you put on your “I’ve got it all together” face, whether you're leading a meeting or pretending to know how to use Excel. Dream big, because House 10 is where you’re destined to shine—if you can just figure out how to make it happen without burning out. Work hard, play hard… but mostly work hard.

House 11: The "Squad Goals" & Dream Team - Where your weirdest friends, group chats, and life plans to take over the world live.

House 11 is all about friendships, social circles, and big dreams—basically, the place where your “hype squad” gathers to discuss how you’re going to revolutionize the world with memes. Ruled by Aquarius, it’s where you seek belonging and come up with those grand, slightly questionable ideas, like starting a podcast about your cat’s philosophical views or forming a band… with only two members.

This house is the cosmic hangout spot, so if you’re always texting your crew about your next spontaneous group adventure, House 11 is like, “Yep, we got this.” Just make sure your crew doesn’t get too weird, or, well, you might end up starting a cult.

House 12: The Cosmic Underworld - Where your secrets, self-sabotage, and unresolved issues go to throw a party.

House 12 is the house of the subconscious, hidden things, and stuff you really don’t want to deal with—like your existential dread, past life drama, and the weird dreams you wake up from, wondering if you’re secretly a superhero.

Ruled by Pisces, this house is where you process all the stuff you’ve been avoiding. It's a bit of a cosmic junk drawer, full of mystery, spirituality, and oops, did I really just do that? moments. It’s your personal therapy session, except you might accidentally cry in public about something totally random. House 12 is where you go to confront your inner mess—just don’t be surprised if you need a nap after.

[herearedragons]

✨Let's talk about OCs!✨ How would you describe your OC's personality/aesthetic? What's your favourite thing about them? Tell us a fun fact(s) about your OC or their creation!❤️ Send this to at least 3 people to spread some OC appreciation!❤️

HI HELLO I JUST did a Dragon Age Blorbos appreciation post so now I get to talk about my Watchers also, HECK YES.

I talk about their angsty lore a lot so for a change of pace, going to share my favorite silly things about them

Selene Moonborn:

goes ham for good paper and ink. she used to be a scribe in her acolyte of Ondra years and she doesn't really get to do calligraphy or illustrations anymore (she picks it back up as a little hobby in the timeskip between POE1 and POE2, she doesn't have THAT much time for it though), but she'll still buy the really good stuff if she sees it in the wild. the absolute best thing you can buy for her is a bottle of that shimmery blue ink her temple used, which is nefariously hard to track down, but it's her absolute favorite

incredibly bad at flirting. she's a literal telepath and she still can't do it. her charm works only on Edér and only when she's not doing it on purpose, in every other situation she'll just stand there like 🧍🏻

perpetual :/ face. woman who is too busy holding back The Voices to emote

her cipher brainwaves will sometimes cause wild animals to follow her around for a while (ranger Selene foreshadowing)

Mae Briarheart:

as a Goldpact Knight she is an Efficient and Practical Professional. she is also a show-off. if there's an opportunity to do a sick trick while in combat she WILL take it. also has a flair for the dramatic/intense in general, which she tries to curb but she doesn't always succeed

always has a book in her pack because you never know when you need to kill some time, and they're always the Eoran equivalent of like. Jane Austen. convoluted romances with Social Dynamics are her favorite genre of fiction even though actually being in this kind of situation would drive her up the wall

after POE1 she and Hiravias keep rescheduling their duel where he's supposed to kill her for trespassing on his people's sacred sites and she's supposed to kill him for (checks notes) "being annoying". he keeps showing up like an hour late and going "aw, rats, I missed it" and Mae goes "guess we'll have to reschedule" and then they just hang out. world's normalest friendship

Lorenzo Ciro:

he's shy, but if you give him the space to express himself he WILL. between the events of POE1 and Deadfire he discovers that actually he likes bright clothes and loud singing and maybe the whole death omen branding is not ALL there is to him

in a weird relationship with his summoned phantoms because many of them are people he killed, but also he definitely did conjure a phantom just to have someone to talk to once or twice

kisses Aloth at the end of POE1 and then they don't talk about it for five years (well they do, but basically it boils down to Aloth feeling that he's not ready to be in a relationship and that he needs to take care of other things first, so they wait)

[crowsareverytired]

What does SUI mean?

suicide, in this case it just means i may talk about suicidal thoughts and stuff like that, most of the time i try to put a tw but sometimes it slips by, anyways please dont report me as this is literally the only place i can talk about this stuff!!!! if i am in any real danger i will seek help, i have a psychologist as well so i am getting help currently.

[satanfemme]

psychosexual

[slymanner]

Masked characters who never reveal their face/you rarely see their face my forever beloved i know u have a face under there but that mask is your face and I'm giving it a kiss even if you don't feel it

[windydrawallday]

Long-PSA-short of sorts that's more a vent: I was always aware my behavior and way of expressing myself online can surprise many people, especially if they are not used to someone who uses the writing medium as a playful form to tell emotions in a very descriptive way as I do. I'm quite affectionate with words, yes. And I always beg people I hang with personally to let me know if some of that bothers them, curtly of course. So far there have been few instances of individuals confusing those signals with ulterior means, things I assure you there's nothing more than me being friendly and supportive.

Imagine idk an excited dog seeing its owner haha

Until the past week, I found myself being tackled by something that made me almost knock everything aside because it made me realize that probably I'm a walking trigger/squick inducer with even the way I wield words like "love" and "friendship".

Almost...

I'm pretty tolerant of whatever way people conduct themselves in this life, the only moment I flinch is when an individual assumes from my default behavior and presentation that I want to impose my way of life... And nopes.

This is simply how and who I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't search for conflict but for understanding. My language for expressing marvel and reflections is like this, never to make the other feel awkward or attacked.

So, it upset me knowing that by wielding this forever welcoming and lovable disposition, I can be something to fear and even despite... to some people.

But, you know? That means that my "love" and "friendship" lifestyle are not made for you, no reason to come back to me and point at it. Just keep walking if you have only rage and rejection to give as a reply to my point of view. Because by wielding rage and rejection, what you only do is burn bridges. To create conflict and assume imaginary antagonistic scenarios where there's nothing of that at all.

You can't create the world you wish to live in by burning bridges.

It took me a lot too to forge who I am right now. I even keep learning and chiseling through traumas and mistakes—kindness and patience taught me more than rage and rejection. And "love" and "friendship" are the bricks I chose to build those bridges. I know everyone else uses different concepts but in the end, we all build bridges. By creating bridges and inviting others to do the same, I expand not only my world, but the other's too!

Isn't that better than demanding to be this or that through a black/white flag of rage and rejection? I think so. And I understand perfectly we sometimes need to be blunt when marking our boundaries. Still, never justifies treating the other bad.

And if some of you find "fake" or distasteful the way I wear this flag of "love" and "friendship" I'm sorry: this place will never be safe for you then. The exit door is always open. Go ahead.

I hope you find your place and flags out there too, but don't forget that to do that you need to build bridges. If you don't want to call it "friendship" call it "glue" or whatever makes you comfortable, but don't kick people like me who fought with claws and teeth to reclaim those words and feelings.

Fight your fight by being a good example, not a bad experience that makes someone never want to deal with something like this again in their life.

"Any color you like, (in the end) they're all blue."

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.

It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.

It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.

When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.

Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.

I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.

[hum--hallelujah]

don't want to kill time like it doesn't matter - 3.5k words, (platonic) funkobra hurt/comfort

---

Ghoul is actually younger than Kobra. They always forget it though.

At least, they usually do.

Kobra's stopped shooting upright and reaching for his blaster whenever someone wakes him up at night. Stopped two years ago, honestly, when him and Ghoul started sharing a room. That was a collective decision that is very much not discussed. It left the old office as a perfect room for the Girl, in the end. Between Ghoulie and Girlie, the former of whom has wild, sleepless tendencies and the latter liking to scramble her way into bed with somebody else every other night of the week, Kobra's knee-jerk reaction has become more of a lack of reaction.

"Yo," hisses a pitchy voice. It's dead daylight, the heat of the day. This is the time of the year when you sleep while the sun's up, wait until the darkness falls to do anything or else it's too miserable or too dangerous. "Kobes."

Kobra utters a verbose "Hrrmngg?" and rolls over. He cracks an eye open to see Ghoul standing at the end of his bed. If it hadn't been light out, he'd be doing a good job of living up to his name. His hands are shaking, but when aren't they?

"You good, man?" Kobra asks groggily. He's half awake, half asleep, drifting in between the two states of being. Ghoul is shifting his weight back and forth on his feet. It makes the floor creak. It makes him look even smaller than he is. "Ghoulie?" He mumbles again when he gets no reply.

Ghoul makes a noncommittal half-whispered sound. "Wanna go for a joyride?" He asks instead of an answer.

Kobra blinks himself more fully awake and pushes up on one elbow. "Mirage or the 'Am?"

Ghoulie shrugs. Won't meet his eyes. Oh shit, that's not good. Something's got him worked up. It's too late for this. This is why they share a room now. They didn't used to, but Kobra refuses to let him sleep alone anymore. Kobra knows how he got that wicked scar that runs from the corner of his mouth nearly to his eye.

"Either," Ghoul says. "Doesn't matter much to me."

"Mirage," Kobra decides. He'll never say no to a late-night joyride. Not this kind. Party'll have his neck for sneaking out on the bike without letting anyone know, but the 'Am is too conspicuous when strange crews are out and from the look of him, riding double on the motorcycle will be good for Ghoul.

It's still too hot to be out. But going for a spin won't take too much exertion, getting to someplace with shade, so long as it's away from here, won't take too long. Ghoul's gonna get sunscorched. Maybe that's the point. While Kobra covers up with his jacket, Ghoul is still in the loose, half-covering clothes he sleeps in.

The sun glints painfully off the sand when they climb quietly out the window. No reason trying to get past Party when they've got an exit right here. Ghoul clambers out first with a probably accidental but surprisingly graceful roll and then flinches, violently, when Kobra jacket catches on what's left of the glass in the window and he tumbles haphazardly to the ground. They both hold still for a long dozen seconds, Kobra staring at the diner wall and straining to tell if anyone heard them, and Ghoul staring at Kobra and shaking.

When Party doesn't come along, eyes glinting with annoyed amusement, and yell at them for sneaking out, Kobra sits up and checks the hem of his jacket where it caught on the sharp edge. "Great," he mutters when he sees the tear in the lining. He'll have to sew that back together later. "Ghoul, you good?"

Ghoul shrugs and stands up. "Aren't I always?"

"No."

They stare at each other for a few seconds while Kobra rubs his palms together to clear the sand off them and reaches into his pocket for his gloves. "You're wearing a helmet," he says flatly.

Ghoul rolls his eyes and sneers. It crinkles the scar running up his face. "No way."

"Fine." Kobra doesn't push. Half the time he doesn't even wear his helmet. He's the driver. He'll keep them safe. It was worth a try, though. "Come on."

The heavy bay door of the garage makes too much noise to open without being caught. They slip in the side door and Kobra brings Mirage carefully back through it. He wears a helmet this time. Ghoul stands and waits, bouncing impatiently on the balls of his feet, while Kobra starts the bike and, out of habit, does a couple checks.

"You ready?" Kobra says, with the visor of his helmet flipped up.

Ghoul grins, but it's lacking in heart. So often, Kobra thinks he's not all there. So often, Kobra thinks this is his best friend. "Born that way," he replies.

"Come on then," Kobra says and nods for Ghoul to get on the bike with him. "Hey, hey. Hey, Ghoulie-" he says, when Ghoul is standing right at his shoulder, about to throw a leg over Mirage and climb on. "You okay?" He asks again, because he needs to know how safe any of this is.

Ghoul doesn't respond. Just settles himself behind Kobra and wraps his arms, tight, around Kobra's middle. Kobra stays there a second, until he's sure Ghoul's grip is solid, so that he can feel Ghoul breathing against his back, before he kicks off. He doesn't care if Party and Jet wake up now, they won't catch them. The bike's tires kick up a fountain of sand as he spins a loop, leaning into the turn until Mirage tilts close enough to the ground that Kobra could touch the sand if he reached out. Ghoul asked for a joyride. This is that.

"What the hell, man?!" Ghoul yells over Kobra's shoulder, muffled by the engine noise and his helmet. Kobra feels Ghoul's hands grab at the fabric of his shirt as he pulls around the first turn, bringing them around the back of a sand dune at full speed.

"Trust me?" Kobra shouts back. He's getting into it now, relaxing into each wide, showy swerve and fishtail. He slows down just a bit when he can feel Ghoul's fingernails start to bite into his skin. It makes him edgy when Ghoul is like this.

Ghoul sniffs sharply. "Well, yeah, but I've seen you crash out enough times at the track-"

"Aw, shut up," Kobra snaps back, without venom. Ghoul's his mechanic. He's seen his best wins and worst losses. "Where you wanna go?" He asks, after a few random turns, just drifting around in the sand. Ghoul is quiet. Kobra reaches back with one hand and smacks him on the leg after awhile. "Ghoulie, where we goin'?"

"I'm thinki-" Ghoul cuts himself off and when he speaks again his voice is flat and so quiet Kobra has to strain to hear him. "Turn right up here."

There's the remains of a road cutting across their path and Kobra hops Mirage up onto it, swings right and follows the pavement. Ghoul's grip around his chest has loosened, but Kobra can feel the fast, shallow rhythm of his breathing and the shaking of his hands even still. The road goes on for ages, long enough that it starts to feel infinite. This must have been a highway, back before the wars and BL/ind. At some point, Ghoul leans forward and puts his forehead against the back of Kobra's neck. Kobra can feel him pressed just below where his helmet sits.

"Get off at this turn," Ghoul mumbles suddenly, but not soon enough because Kobra completely overshoots the exit. He flips around the empty lanes of the highway, admittedly showing off mostly just to make himself feel better.

The group of buildings along the former highway off-ramp isn't really a ghost town. It's a cluster of old stores and restaurants, like the diner but mass produced, and down at the end is an ancient truck stop and gas station. Kobra slows the bike to a crawl as they drive down the street, struck with an eerie sense of deja vu. He's been here before. They both have.

He pulls over and stops in the middle of the road, beside what used to be a coffee store. Coffee is usually made in the form of compressed, dried out shots now, called Motor Juice in the Zones when rehydrated. They don't have coffeeshops in the City. They have prescriptions.

Ghoul is off the bike and Kobra's back suddenly cold even under the heat of the sun before Mirage even comes to a full stop. "Ghoul-" Kobra snaps, angry for reasons he can't even say and unsettled in ways he doesn't want to. This is a ghost town. Just not in the normal way. "Ghoul. What are you-"

But Ghoul is walking away, his back to Kobra and the bike as he moves toward the gas station as if it's a magnet and he's the blade of a knife, trembling so hard with the pull that it might break. Kobra hesitates, then swings his leg over Mirage and bumps out the kickstand. Ghoul is standing stock still, or as still as he can, on the faded pavement of the gas station parking lot. Kobra's glad it's faded. He doesn't want to see the bloodstains.

Ghoul looks small as he approaches, absolutely miniscule. He's got his arms wrapped tight around himself and Kobra can hear the harshness of his breathing even from several strides away. He doesn't want to get too close too fast. Ghoul's enough like a wild animal that it could turn out badly, and Kobra for once really doesn't want to fight him today. Not out here, at least.

They're within two years of each other, Kobra and Ghoul. They usually forget they're not the same age. But right now Ghoul looks so small and so, so young and Kobra doesn't know what to do.

"Gh- Ghoul. Ghoulie." Kobra calls carefully, stumbling over his tongue. He clamps his teeth together, takes a deep breath. "Ghoul."

Ghoul doesn't turn, doesn't look away from the door into the gas station he'd been found in, back when Kobra and Poison and Jet were a crew of three and Ghoul'd been even more feral than he is now. The gas station where Ghoul watched his entire family die and he was helpless to do anything about it. He still thinks he hadn't done enough. Kobra knows that. Ghoul always thinks he didn't do enough. That one kid with a blaster and wild eyes could take down a full squad of Dracs and two Crows.

Kobra doesn't know how to tell him that if he'd tried, he would be dead too. Kobra doesn't know how to tell him he's glad he didn't. When it comes down to it most, Kobra finds he can't speak.

"Ghoulie," he says again. "Hey. Hey." He moves closer, pulls off the helmet he'd almost forgotten he still has on. "Ghoul," he tries, one more time, as gently as he knows how even though it's not that gentle. He's never been good at this. Some of the scars scattered across Ghoul's body are from him. But Kobra had stitched up Ghoul's face and he's not going to give up now.

Ghoul finally turns and Kobra breathes a sigh of relief. Just a response. Proof of life even though he's still standing. And then Ghoul steps toward him and suddenly he's right there, shaking but otherwise just as eerily still as this entire place, like he's trapped in frozen time just like the rest of it, and he collides with Kobra's chest in a way that's both surprising and yet entirely expected.

"Oh." Kobra drops his helmet, dangling from one hand, and his arms hover uncertainly in the air for a moment before he carefully closes them around Ghoul. "Oh. Okay. Okay." He says quietly, startled, but not really. He'd felt the way Ghoul was holding onto him as they rode Mirage all the way out here.

Ghoul unfolds his arms from around himself and grabs onto the unzipped sides of Kobra's jacket. He doesn't cry, not out loud at least. He's just shaking, so much, and so, so small. Kobra's not good with words. He's even worse with them under pressure. Anything Jet or Party could say to make it better, that kind of stuff gets stuck on his tongue when Kobra tries to say it. So he doesn't. He just holds on.

"You plan on coming here?" Kobra asks eventually, even though he has a feeling the answer is no. Unless it's an engine or a bomb, Ghoul never really plans on much. Ghoul shakes his head, hair scrubbing against Kobra's shoulder and neck where his head's pressed. "You wanna... y'wanna go inside?" He asks then, against his better judgment. But then again, he's never been known for that, has he.

Ghoul tenses, but it momentarily stops the shaking. "Can we?"

Kobra huffs. "Nobody stoppin' us, and even if there were, we'd do it anyway, wouldn't we?"

Ghoul pries his fingers from their hold on Kobra's jacket and turns back toward the station. "Should we?"

"Dunno." Part of him thinks it might help. Part of him remembers exactly what happened the last time they were here. It's the Killjoy way to call death ghosting. It means some part of you lives on even when you're gone. There's a lot of ghosts in this pavement. "It's your-"

He can't think of what word goes there. Choice. Past. Grief. Place. So he stops talking. He shrugs, bends to pick up his helmet. "I can." He sucks a breath through his teeth. He's going to say it again. "I can... I can go with you. If you," he shrugs one shoulder again. "If you, uh, want to. I'm not- I'm not trying to force you," he adds, like it needs to be said. "It's your... yours."

Because that's all that really can be said. This place, the place that made Fun Ghoul what he is. The journey, however brief, that brought them here. Even, kinda, Kobra himself. It's all for Ghoul, here and now. Kobra drove, but he's just along for the ride. Weird how that happens.

Ghoul steps toward the station. Magnetism, again. And Kobra follows, because how could he not. He feels sick at the though of letting his friend go in that place alone.

The doors are gone. Shot out years ago. It looks to Kobra exactly as it did back then, but Ghoul probably remembers better. There are shelves toppled and glass and plastic broken all over the floor. Whatever hasn't been scavenged is broken and shattered. Ghoul walks toward the back of the store, the corner that's not so much a mess. Kobra stays back a bit, trying to give his friend space.

It's where they found Ghoul. Or, where Pois had found him. Ghoul was half in shock, terrified and scarred and fighting, and Party was the first one of their then three-strong group to notice the dark shape watching them hopelessly trawl the carnage for any survivors. It took Pois physically restraining the much smaller kid to keep Ghoul from going for all of their throats.

Kobra has a lot of bad memories of Ghoul. None are as bad as remembering the way he'd screamed when they first met.

"Y'okay?" Kobra asks after a while.

Ghoul has his moments. They all do. Sometimes, you wake up bad in the night and it's hard to pick yourself up. Sometimes you just gotta hit the bottom before you even can. But Ghoul's a fighter. "Yeah," he says, walking back and forth between fallen shelves once stocked with food and stupid trinkets. He crouches to pick up the shattered remnants of something once made of colorful glass and when he looks back over his shoulder at Kobra, he doesn't seem quite as small.

"'M sorry," Kobra mumbles, not knowing what to say now. Somehow, the shaking and the touch are so much easier than having to talk about it. He's never been the talker. That's Party. And he knows his brother regrets not getting there — here — sooner that day, but there's a sick, selfish part of Kobra that's too glad to have Ghoul to want anything different. But really, it's all he can say. If there's remnants of bones that haven't been carried away by carrion-eaters, he doesn't want to see it.

Ghoul slowly stands up from his spot on the floor, staring intently at the broken knick-knack in his palm. It might have been a glass teddy bear, once, something a parent might grab up for a child waiting at home. It's partially shattered, though. Half of its cartoonish smiling face is gone. The heart shape it once held in its paws is cracked down the middle. Kobra isn't great with metaphors, but this is pretty fucking obvious.

"I didn't save them," Ghoul says quietly, his voice grating through the charged, silent air. "I didn't save her."

Something clicks into place. They all know that the crew he lost was Ghoul's real actual biological family. He's a sandpup. He was born and raised in the Zones. He doesn't talk about it much. Kobra's shocked he even came back here, let alone with anyone else. Ghoul doesn't talk about his family, but they've all figured for a while that he had a sibling. You can see it in how he treats the Girl.

"Your sister," Kobra says. It doesn't sound like so much of a question when he says it out loud, but he knows Ghoul will understand it as one.

Ghoul nods. "Yeah." He steps over some toppled displays, sun-bleached ads that used to be bright colored, and slips the shiny piece of broken glass into one of Kobra's pockets since he doesn't have any of his own. Kobra can already see the sunburn forming on his friend's shoulders and the tops of his knees. "She was like, eight."

That's all the more he says about it, but Kobra slips his hand into the pocket and runs his fingers over the broken glass toy still warm from Ghoul's hands, and hears the years of grief and bitterness in the few words. Ghoul's more talky than he is, but he's cagey, too. Kobra can hear him, though. He gets it. Doesn't mean he knows what to say, though.

"Shit," he spits. He wants to say I'm sorry again, but that feels fuckin cheap. He wants to say stop beating yourself up about it, but that sounds even stupider. "Fuck." Sometimes that's all he can say.

"Yeah," Ghoul replies. "Fuckin shit."

"Exactly," Kobra agrees, fiercely relieved that Ghoul gets all the shit he's trying to say. "Hey, uh. Y'know I'm-" He stumbles over the words, cringes at himself for the inability to get past a stupid two-letter word. "I'm glad I know you." He manages, as selfish as it sounds standing here in the ghosted wreckage where Ghoul's family was killed. But if that hadn't happened, they wouldn't be here now. They wouldn't be friends. And Kobra needs Ghoul to know he's glad that any suicide run to save his family failed. The pain sucks, but he's grateful for the outcome. He hopes Ghoul can understand that.

Ghoul doesn't reply. His acid green eyes bore straight into Kobra's for a few seconds while Kobra's heart hammers in his chest. Then he kicks at some dust and looks at the floor and shrugs. "Let's go, man. I don't wanna stay here."

"M'kay."

Kobra's almost tempted to reach out as they walk back out into the glaring sun, grab onto Ghoul like he's a ghost, too, and the light might evaporate him. But he doesn't. He can't.

He thinks the feeling of Ghoul hanging onto him as he steers Mirage away, back up the ramp to the road they came down in the first place, will make him feel better. It doesn't. Ghoul holds on much looser than he had on the way here, and it makes Kobra nervous. He wonders if he should have made him wear a helmet, and steers more carefully around the turns.

And then Ghoul adjusts his seat and throws one arm up over Kobra's shoulder, loosely hooking around his neck. He leans up forward and shouts, "C'mon, Kobes, let's play with it!" Like he's itching for the risk that a couple hours ago had had him holding on for dear life. Kobra's used to thinking his best friend isn't all there. But he's also familiar with the times he is. Sometimes, he forgets they're not the same age because Ghoul is so larger than life.

He tips his head to the side in acknowledgement, and punches the throttle. He even pulls a couple of tight, quick loops. He can't slide on the pavement the way he would on sand, but he can catch a little air when there's a thermal bump in the highway. Ghoul clutches onto him, but it's not scared. Something's cleared up in the gas station. Maybe it was closure. Hell if Kobra knows.

When they pull Mirage off the highway and the diner finally comes back into view, just a small glint of signage, Kobra slows his pace and can feel Ghoul sigh more than he can hear it. His friend's arms stay firmly around him. "Hey, Kobes?" Ghoul says, just barely loud enough to be heard over the engine.

"Yeah?" Kobra says, a bit louder to be heard past his helmet.

Ghoul hesitates, then says in a rush, "I'm glad I know you too. Like, really glad." And then he squeezes Kobra a little tighter for just a second and Kobra can't even say anything in reply. It's been a long night at the wrong time of day. And they're almost home.

[skrunksthatwunk]

im exploding into a million pieces i found a reddit thread about butches in video games (specifically looking for them) in hopes that there was some kind of lesser known dream daddy-esque butch dating sim or SOMETHING cute like that and guys the fucking crumbs we have to live on you're actually killing me. im withering away why are there no kissable butches in video games im going to throw up and kill everyone. nobody wants a butch dating sim apparently. im gonna go weep in the fetal position

[stupid-elf]

Okay dandy, what is "it's not about the bread"? I recognized everything else

Ah! It's not about the bread is a phrase fairly common in marriage counseling/relationship advice circles. It comes from a popular anecdote of a husband in counseling saying his wife is always blowing up at him about petty things, like buying the wrong brand of bread. The therapist asks the wife why she's upset about the bread, and she says it's because he is chronically inattentive to her and their collective needs so she ends up carrying the slack. It's not about the bread: It's about what's manifesting through the bread

Humans are not rational creatures, we're rationalizing. It takes a lot of self awareness to be in one's own head and go "oh. I'm not upset about the bread, I'm mad because this is the third time this week and the twentieth time this month I have to come up with a new dinner plan because this idiot fucked up." However, it takes much less awareness to look at one's partner and go "hm. That was an outsized reaction. Something larger than what set this off is probably going on."

Once you've realized there's something going on, partners can begin working towards a solution. You have to pull back the rug to find what's been swept under it.

Emotions all have causes. Sometimes they're bigger than they seem like they should be, and sometimes the cause is buried deep in the unconscious parts of the brain, but there's always a reason. Part of loving someone is trying to understand them, and part of understanding them is sussing out when it's about the bread... And when you should maybe start writing a more detailed grocery list

[starpros-sunshine]

I think the reason I'm so uncomfortable in conversation with cis men is because in my life the image I've grown up with is that from the American movies and while there's so much to be said about how women in those are basically objects or exclusively love interests or just Really Really forgettable I feel like there's also something to be mentioned about how most of these men are all the same pseudo-tough-guy character that's cool and suave and sexy and the only emotion he's capable of is nonchalant banter (it feels worth mentioning that the American movies I'm referring to are all from the last century I have no idea if that's changed in these last years but a gut feeling tells me no) and I also barely talk to the guys from my grade so the result of kind of growing up with that is that I just genuinely can not imagine real cis men with a complex inner emotional landscape. Maybe this is also an empathy thing but I genuinely can not imagine most cishet guys doing normal people things in their free time that aren't gaming or going to the gym or...idk. making music too I suppose. It's quite comical really but I just can not imagine cishet men with interests or doing stuff like having crushes and it's so strange because I know for a fact I am generally speaking not a sexist person but this little tidbit of apparently just not being able to view cishet men as normal people? Can't get that to go away even if I logically know it's silly. There's a point in this post about how toxic masculinity is a huge issue and affects even those not affected by it and runs really really deep or whatever but I'm too tired to coherently put it together. On the positive side now I get really happy when I see men online talk about how much they love their wives and all that because it's like "wow! Crazy you really are just a normal dude and not some James Bond knock-off like I thought every cishet man was supposed to be! Thank god!"

[sadistic-softie]

mini vent

I have been forced to bottle up excitement, sadness, fear, and anger for ten years and now that i'm no longer in that environment, all the sadness and fear and excitement is spilling out, and i don't know what to do with the anger. I've never been allowed to feel this much emotion before. It's overwhelming. I've stopped consiously moving my face to match my emotions. I used to need to do that because any facial expression other than calm or happy or whatever a conversation called for would got me into trouble. because I don't have to force faces to stay safe anymore I'm kinda just having flat affect. I've been practiving facial expressions in the mirror so I don't stay flat and my face matches my emotions but I can never get anger right. I don't know the right way to hold my face when I'm angry because it's incredibly rare for me to be angry and ive never seen the way I look when I am.

[starheirxero]

btw for the record if we have ever been in a situation where we had to stop being friends for whatever reason, i will still always hold you fondly in my heart. i will still think of every kind and small moment we had and i will miss you with every atom in my body. i will wait for you to come back and if you return, you will be no less of a friend to me than the day you left. i have no friendship decay