#i try to create new rules that fit better my way to navigate life

[windydrawallday]

Long-PSA-short of sorts that's more a vent: I was always aware my behavior and way of expressing myself online can surprise many people, especially if they are not used to someone who uses the writing medium as a playful form to tell emotions in a very descriptive way as I do. I'm quite affectionate with words, yes. And I always beg people I hang with personally to let me know if some of that bothers them, curtly of course. So far there have been few instances of individuals confusing those signals with ulterior means, things I assure you there's nothing more than me being friendly and supportive.

Imagine idk an excited dog seeing its owner haha

Until the past week, I found myself being tackled by something that made me almost knock everything aside because it made me realize that probably I'm a walking trigger/squick inducer with even the way I wield words like "love" and "friendship".

Almost...

I'm pretty tolerant of whatever way people conduct themselves in this life, the only moment I flinch is when an individual assumes from my default behavior and presentation that I want to impose my way of life... And nopes.

This is simply how and who I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't search for conflict but for understanding. My language for expressing marvel and reflections is like this, never to make the other feel awkward or attacked.

So, it upset me knowing that by wielding this forever welcoming and lovable disposition, I can be something to fear and even despite... to some people.

But, you know? That means that my "love" and "friendship" lifestyle are not made for you, no reason to come back to me and point at it. Just keep walking if you have only rage and rejection to give as a reply to my point of view. Because by wielding rage and rejection, what you only do is burn bridges. To create conflict and assume imaginary antagonistic scenarios where there's nothing of that at all.

You can't create the world you wish to live in by burning bridges.

It took me a lot too to forge who I am right now. I even keep learning and chiseling through traumas and mistakes—kindness and patience taught me more than rage and rejection. And "love" and "friendship" are the bricks I chose to build those bridges. I know everyone else uses different concepts but in the end, we all build bridges. By creating bridges and inviting others to do the same, I expand not only my world, but the other's too!

Isn't that better than demanding to be this or that through a black/white flag of rage and rejection? I think so. And I understand perfectly we sometimes need to be blunt when marking our boundaries. Still, never justifies treating the other bad.

And if some of you find "fake" or distasteful the way I wear this flag of "love" and "friendship" I'm sorry: this place will never be safe for you then. The exit door is always open. Go ahead.

I hope you find your place and flags out there too, but don't forget that to do that you need to build bridges. If you don't want to call it "friendship" call it "glue" or whatever makes you comfortable, but don't kick people like me who fought with claws and teeth to reclaim those words and feelings.

Fight your fight by being a good example, not a bad experience that makes someone never want to deal with something like this again in their life.

"Any color you like, (in the end) they're all blue."

[thecpdiary]

Trusting Life's Flow

When it comes to trusting Life's Flow, our biggest test, is not to try to control or manipulate the outcome of a situation, but rather to trust that the natural course of events will unfold as it should. This requires that we trust the universe's plan, have faith and relinquish the need for control.

Trying to Intervene or Control an Outcome

When we attempt to intervene or control the outcome of a situation, we are basically trying to impose our own desires on how things should turn out vs how the universe expects them to turn out, rather than allowing events to unfold as they naturally should. In essence, we are saying, "I need to fix this because I want it to work," rather than considering if it's right or necessary for it to work. This mindset automatically creates a sense of disconnection from the natural order of life and how it is meant to evolve.

Recognising When Things Are Not Meant to Be

Also, have you ever felt the frustration of trying to make something work, only to find that, no matter how many different approaches you take, success remains elusive? It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. While it can be both frustrating and disheartening when every door you try to open seems to close, it's important to note that not everything is meant to align with your journey. Instead of forcing it, it's important to recognise that it's the universe's way of guiding you towards a different path.

Letting go means that you allow for new opportunities, new opportunities that are better suited to your true purpose and potential, potential that is just around the corner.

Trust in the Journey

Remember to trust in the journey. Sometimes, letting go is the first step toward finding what or who is truly meant for you. It's a beautiful reminder that, even with best efforts, things don't always work out as planned. Rather than beating yourself up over it, it is important to recognise that it's an opportunity to let go and trust that the universe has other plans waiting for you. You are instrumental in that.

Surrendering to the Natural Course

A rule of thought. When we surrender to let a situation run its natural course, we trust that the outcome will be for our greater good, acknowledging that the universe has its own timing on things and wisdom. This approach requires trust and patience. It's like letting go of a leaf that floats down a river. We can't control where it goes or when it will reach its destination, all we can do is observe and trust that it will find its way to where it needs to be. Embracing this mindset allows us us find peace, to trust in the process, and to knowing that every twist and turn is part of a larger plan, guiding us towards our true path.

Allowing a Situation to Unfold

When we choose to allow a situation to unfold naturally, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and experiences. We can also learn to adapt, grow and evolve alongside the situation, developing a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

Letting Go of Control and Ego

It's the ego that prevents us from letting go. Releasing control and ego is crucial for navigating life's uncertainties, enabling us to align with the universe's greater plan and trust that everything will unfold in its own perfect time. As a child, I believed that one day I would come to know what I was dealing with, with what I later learned was a disability. By releasing my need to control the situation, I placed my trust in the natural order. I was intuitively aware I needed to wait.

Benefits of Letting Go

By letting go of your need to control and trusting in the natural order of things, you can reduce stress and anxiety. Relax with the understanding that things will work out as they should, and if they don't, they were never meant to be. Remember, not everything you start or try to make work is meant for you.

Summary

Allowing a situation to unfold is a proactive and intentional approach to trusting in the universe's plan. It's about acknowledging that sometimes the best course of action is to simply be present, and let life unfold as it naturally does. Understanding the universal codes is important because it is that which forms the foundation of all our decisions. When an outcome is not predetermined or fated, it is crucial to observe the process with awareness and not attempt to manipulate, or to alter it. Cultivating a deeper sense of trust and faith in the natural flow of events will allow you to be guided by the universe's wisdom. It's all about trust.

For more relatable, inspirational, lifestyle blogs, please check out my site https://www.thecpdiary.com

[sepublic]

Lumity and the Illusion Coven Leader?

           So I’m really interested in Through the Looking Glass Ruins. Not only because it’s another important Gus episode (and the implications of him being at Glandus and how that can connect to the premise of Escaping Expulsion), but also…

           Luz and Amity are at the library- I’m not sure WHICH library, it could be the one at Glandus, or the one in Bonesborough. But given the mention of ruins, and how the background image that reveals the synopsis shows us what appears to be the desolate ruins of an arena of sorts, surrounded by cloaked statues… It makes me wonder. Aside from the obvious possibility that these statues were real witches petrified by Belos or some other entity;

           The title is interesting, because it invokes the sequel to Alice in Wonderland, itself a fantasy tale about a young girl entering a fantastical world… In other words, an Isekai, which fits Luz’s whole schtick in the Boiling Isles! Obviously I should be careful about using the reference in the title as a basis for my speculation; Sense and Insensitivity references Sense and Sensibility, but otherwise has zero correlation with the book as far as I can tell, beyond the idea of King being of higher social prestige and that sort of concept I guess?

           In Through the Looking-Glass, Alice goes through a large mirror to enter a fantasy world. The imagery of mirrors intrigues me, because it directly invokes the symbol of the Illusion Coven… And we can bet that the Coven Heads will make their appearances this season, especially with how Season 3 is too short and more likely to be a final battle/climax of sorts. Not only that, but we also have the other plot of Gus, who is an illusionist… And of course, the library reminds us of Lost in Language, and the twins Emira and Edric, who are both also illusionists.

           I don’t think the twins would be messing with Amity and Luz again, but then again, maybe Odalia and Alador are making them; We don’t know what will happen at the end of Escaping Expulsion, but if Amity and Luz are still hanging out, perhaps they’re feeling pressured. The concept of illusions also ties back to Luz a second time… Remember Witches before Wizards? And how a puppet demon, Adegast, used illusions to put Luz through a whole segment straight out of her favorite fantasy books, of a special chosen one travelling through a world with wacky companions?

           Adegast’s plot appealed to Luz’s sense of fantasy, her desire to feel special and important, as validation/justification for being so ostracized back home. With the idea of illusions, and fantasy worlds, not to mention literary references because Luz and Amity are at a literal library, and it’s brought up the idea in some fans’ heads of like… Luz and Amity going through a fantasy segment taken straight out of Alice in Wonderland.

           So, to get it all out of the way; I think the Illusion Head will play a role in this episode, debuting in Through the Looking Glass Ruins as the main antagonist. I suspect that each coven leader will get their own episode introducing and featuring them as antagonists and characters, so an episode hearkening back to Lost in Language, which had the illusionist twins… With a side-plot of Gus the Illusionist, who wants validation; Not to mention the idea of fantasy stories come to life, feeling special, and how that’s reminiscent of Adegast…

           I think Through the Looking Glass Ruins could be a major episode for Luz and Amity and their characters. Perhaps as a major stepping point that helps to tie together previous events thematically, the Illusion Head might place Luz and Amity in an illusion even more grand and powerful than what Adegast could dream of; One that places the duo in a saccharine fantasy world. Luz and Amity of course have to navigate this fake world and its inane rules, while exploring their own relationship… Perhaps Gus will come into play, or his story will just be a parallel, I can’t tell. But again, it calls back to Luz and Amity having their own experiences with illusionists, so having them face off against the most powerful Illusionist of all, together, would be a nice culmination of those respective arcs!

           What’s interesting is the mention of ruins, and the image we see… It reminds me of that one article description for a ‘Witch Arena’ at the titan’s knee (which foreshadowed Adventures in the Elements), but aside from general ruins, we don’t see any duels occur there, nor is there reference to that site hosting sacred rituals and events for witches. Perhaps we’ll see this actual arena here, or not… This arena could just be part of the elaborate illusion, hence why Luz and Amity encounter it in the library, or they get transported. Maybe the library is next to the ruins, if it’s the one for Glandus or one besides the Bonesborough one.

           (Personally I’m hoping for more Amity and the library lore, possibly the return of that librarian who seems to be on good terms with her.)

           Like Adegast, the Illusion Head could taunt Luz and Amity with visions and deception… Perhaps hearkening back to Enchanting Grom Fright, by showing illusions of Luz rejecting Amity or vice-versa. Luz and Amity of course have to see through and realize what’s real or not, as part of their character development, Luz’s especially with recognizing reality and not being deluded by fantasy. For all we know, the Illusion Head might cruelly play with their feelings, by having ‘Luz’ or ‘Amity’ confess their feelings to the other… Only to sadistically reveal it all be fake in the end.

           Perhaps the ruins will be a part of this illusion world that Luz and Amity confront the Illusion Head at, by the climax of the episode! Or the ruins are/hold some entrance to this fake world… Regardless, we could see Luz and Amity dealing with their ‘fantasy’ of being friends, and possibly more, with the other… Both might want more, but be afraid that’s just fake in the end, or just hopeless romance that only happens in their little fantasy books that they love, and the Illusion Head might capitalize on these insecurities. Perhaps they’ll try to sway Luz with a perfect world, only to change plans when she’s clearly used to that; And Amity, she might need Luz’s help, as she hasn’t faced this kind of dilemma before. Mirrors are symbols of self reflection, so perhaps this will give Luz the chance to reflect on her own feelings for Amity and realize them, to look back at past interactions with Amity and realize the hidden meaning and all new context that comes with what she learns about Amity...

           Maybe the Illusion Head will try to manufacture situations, trick the two girls into ruining their friendship, thinking the other doesn’t like them, acting rashly, etc. Perhaps they’ll create a fake scenario that leads one girl to act at the cost of the other, for whatever reason… Maybe Amity will be so caught up in the idea of a perfect world where everything is ideal; Where her parents love her, where her siblings respect her… And where she can confess her love to Luz, and Luz reciprocates. Luz may or may not stumble across and see, and realize, how Amity feels… And we could get some painful angst skin to Grom rejecting Amity’s invite as Luz, but dialed up with the Illusion Head’s more immersive, fake reality.

           Perhaps the despair created by the Illusion Head leads to Amity turning to the side of the Emperor’s Coven, losing hope in finding a better life for herself because that’s just ‘fantasy’. Rejecting her favorite childhood stories like Otabin and The Good Witch Azura, attempting to be more ‘mature’, which could also lead to a brief discussion about how it’s okay for older people to enjoy stories for younger audiences! It could contribute to Amity’s constant feeling of shame for who she is, that feeling of inadequacy and not being enough, hiding behind a façade; Hiding the truth beneath an ‘illusion’, which of course the Illusion Head might poke fun at. Maybe offering a literal illusion to help Amity pretend and fit the image of the Emperor’s Coven?

          From what we’ve seen, the Illusion Head could be a pair of twins like Emira and Edric, or like Gus, an individual operating alongside a copy. Amity might be directly reminded of the twins and her relationship with them, so this could be an opportunity to explore her relationship with the twins and their past together, perhaps showing what happened between them in the fallout between Lost in Language and Adventures in the Elements.

          We could see how she feels about them and vice-versa, maybe look at their interactions throughout the past, with the Illusion Head possibly even taking their appearance and poking at Amity’s memories knowingly. Maybe they pretend to be the twins, hurting and mocking Amity, only for her to acknowledge that while they ARE flawed, they’ve also grown and the real Emira and Edric would never do this- This could help to develop the relationship with Amity and the twins, and her own potential disdain for illusions because of that association with her siblings.

          Another thing to note with the Illusion Head is that amongst their two selves, one face smiles, the other is frowning; Invoking the image of the Comedy and Tragedy masks. Fitting with the idea of written stories and fantasies, perhaps the Illusion Head will operate as two halves, one light-hearted, the other morose; And both toy with the idea of Luz and Amity’s story being a tragedy, or a comedy.

           The dual symbolism, two sides of the same coin concept, could come with Luz embracing Comedy, the happy ending, while Amity sides with Tragedy, the sad ending. Maybe Amity breaks free of this conception and her and Luz get their happy ending together… I can see the Illusion Head being a MAJOR theater nerd, and thus invoking the kinds of stories and tropes that the two kids are familiar with. And Amity will of course be reminded of Emira and Edric, making her more insecure and uncertain, while Luz might call upon memories of Gus to guide her. Luz and Amity are parallels and opposites, again, two sides of the same coin, and this might be paralleled with the Illusion Head being composed of two halves, with it yet to be seen if both halves are separate individuals or not; For all we know, it could be a witch and an illusion so immersed in the other that they’ve both forgotten who is the real one!

           Am I saying Luz and Amity will kiss and/or realize their love for one another in this episode? I can’t say for sure… But this episode might play on the idea of their relationship and its progression regardless. It could end in Tragedy, or Comedy, what a duality- Maybe even both! We’ll just have to wait and see… I’m excited for this, for more Gus, and I wonder if he’ll show up at the end to help, or provide more insight into the idea of Illusions, which will then enrich the other plot of Luz and Amity! The audience might gain a better appreciation for the mechanics of what the Illusion Head is doing.

          And of course, the illusions here could lend to a trippy nightmare sequence where the animators can REALLY flex and mess with our heads and the visuals, confusing both the in-universe characters and the real-life audience as well, as we’re uncertain of what’s real or not- Perhaps the ending of the episode could play with this question, with Luz and Amity not entirely sure if what happened was totally real or not or some elaborate dream, and the Illusion Head’s status and actions also uncertain.

           So, what do you guys think? Will we get an episode dedicated to Luz and Amity’s relationship, to their pasts with fantasy, with illusions, entering an unusual world together, taunted by the Illusion Head while another major illusionist, Gus, operates elsewhere? Could the Illusion Head serve as a thematic exploration of duality, of opposites and parallels, and how Luz and Amity’s relationship with one another, their dynamic, is built on those foundations?

          Will we see Emira and Edric here- Perhaps with Luz and Amity… Or even with Gus, acting as ‘cool kids’ who ARE impressed by him, unlike the students from Glandus High? I’ve always wanted Gus and Twins interaction… I think Gus is also an interesting duality, parallels and opposites, two sides of the same coin dynamic with the twins; Emira and Edric are individuals who are like one, while Gus is his own person split amongst himself and his clone! Both with a knack for showmanship, and wanting to be noticed on some level. 

          Maybe when all is said and done, Amity grows a greater appreciation for Gus, Emira, and Edric, getting to interact with Porter properly for once, and helping repair her relationship with the twins; Imagining their surprise at Amity suddenly hugging them, only for the twins’ playful wit to melt away into endearing appreciation… Only to finish it off with a practical joke, because they can’t be TOO sappy of course!

          I’m really fascinated and I can’t wait to see what we have for store in this episode… Sounds like the first five episodes alone are ALL going to be jam-packed with very important, major events! Wasting no time I see… Alas, because Season 3 is shorter than anticipated.

[pk-majora]

Exploring my natal chart pt. 6 i think. Just some more I found.

"Leo Moons are naturally enthusiastic, and prone to outbursts of spontaneous glee.

If this is your Moon sign, you're generous, proud, loyal and an adventurer at heart. You put your whole heart into relationships, and your sense of Self is bound up in who you run with.

You're a sunny optimist and can earn a reputation for being a cheerleader among your friends.

Your instinct is to demand respect, and there's a noble air about you, even if your situation is humble. Your confidence takes a terrible tumble, if you're taken for granted, or worse, betrayed.

Your pride makes you shield your true feelings when you really like someone. You might test a potential new friend or love, with demands, mainly for attention.

Leo is big on romancing and being romanced, perhaps more than all the other signs. So a Leo Moon is happiest when love is in full bloom."

SOURCES: https://www.liveabout.com/moon-in-leo-moon-signs-207098

"With the Sun in Virgo in the 7th house you are becoming a humble and clear-sighted companion. You discover personal power by being of service to the ones you love. Your central purpose is never to give up your vision or ideals, while still making room for others’ reality. You shine when you have something constructive to offer relationships (not grumbling, criticism, or self-defeating subservience). Coming into your own means never being anyone’s doormat. Self-realization comes through paying attention to the company you keep. Being you means always worrying about the ones you love."

SOURCES: https://astrofix.net/virgo-sun-in-houses-astrology/

"Pluto in the tenth house suggests that you are known in the world as a powerful person. You experience power struggles mainly in your professional life and in your relationship with authority figures. The tenth house is the house of career and public image."

SOURCES: https://advanced-astrology.com/pluto-in-tenth-house-natal/

"People born with Sagittarius in 10th House are rather philosophical about their career. They’re not measuring their success by how much power they have, but by considering how satisfied they are with their job. These people can work without becoming easily tired, meaning it’s a piece of cake for them to climb the social ladder. They’re likely choosing a job that involves traveling. When facing a problem at work, they prefer to see it as a challenge."

SOURCES: https://www.horoscopejoy.com/sagittarius-in-10th-house-navigating-any-difficulties/

"Natal Pluto in Sagittarius has a leg up on many other Pluto placements. ... With your Pluto in Sagittarius, you are likely interested in philosophy and love talking about how shifts in our beliefs can make the world a better place. Confidence emanates from your very being and you attract all sorts of people to you."

SOURCES: https://www.tarot.com/astrology/planets/pluto-in-sagittarius

"The north node in Virgo gives you a staunch inner directive that includes an analytical mind, a pragmatic approach to life situations, a desire for perfection, and a detachment from emotions."

SOURCES: https://www.google.com/search?q=north+node+virgo&rlz=1C1VDKB_enUS946US946&oq=north+node+virgo&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l9.2421j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

"Wanting to avoid details and the everyday matters, natives with the South Node in Pisces can have an undisciplined way of living. They don’t want to set goals for themselves, not to mention they trust their big plans too much, while not taking care of the more practical matters. This is a placement that’s suggesting its natives should work on having a routine and respecting a schedule because if not, they can become too worried and anxious."

SOURCES: https://i.thehoroscope.co/south-node-in-pisces-the-influence-on-personality-and-life/

"A natal Neptune in twelfth house gives you the potential to grow into a very wise person. Neptune here usually suggests a person who is aligned with their higher self, displaying compassion and empathy in the world. Planets in the twelfth house sometimes show parts of you that were not welcome in your family."

SOURCES: https://www.google.com/search?q=capricon+neptune+12th+house&rlz=1C1VDKB_enUS946US946&oq=capricon+neptune+12th+house&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i13j0i390l3.4069j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

"Scorpio midheaven can mean you are good at exposing the truth. People with a Scorpio Midheaven bring light to the darkness. People with a Scorpio Midheaven love to find resolve in every aspect of life. They can be the ones who are involved in humanitarian efforts and even giving their spare change to a homeless person"

SOURCES: https://www.yourtango.com/2020334796/scorpio-midheaven-meaning-astrology#:~:text=Scorpio%20midheaven%20can%20mean%20you,change%20to%20a%20homeless%20person.

"The Midheaven (MC) and the Imum coeli (IC) are two opposite points in astrology that are calculated based on your place and time of birth. The IC shows the qualities that you learned in childhood and the environment that you wanted to escape.

In order to get away from the values of the IC, you push towards the Midheaven. In fact, the Midheaven is how people tend to perceive you in the outer world, but more specifically in your career. Although you may embrace the qualities of your Midheaven, the IC always exists underneath.

The IC in Taurus placement is all about living by other people’s values in childhood. As an adult with Midheaven in Scorpio, you seek to individuate and figure out what’s real for you.

Keep in mind that the Midheaven and IC are always opposite signs, so you can’t have one without the other.

With your IC in Taurus, you lived with “set in their ways” types of parents. In some manner, your parents were very traditional. They followed a certain set of rules and may have employed black and white thinking.

However, this also means that in these specific way, your home life was stable. You knew that certain things wouldn’t change. IC In Taurus manifests differently for everyone, but there were at least some constant things about your childhood.

Most likely, your parents lived by societal rules in some manner. They were traditional and created a clear set of boundaries that you needed to follow as a child.

IC in Taurus also means that you probably felt misunderstood with your family at times. It might have seemed that everyone else fit into the mold, but you felt different.

At times, you felt that you couldn’t express the deepest part of you because you had to stick to the family structure. You didn’t have the freedom to completely be yourself.

You parents or caretakers deeply influenced your childhood with their own set of values. In certain areas, you weren’t allowed to explore or develop your own set of values. Instead, you were expected to believe what your parents taught you.

This created a very structured sort of childhood. You couldn’t deviate from the norm, or you would be punished and looked down upon.

Although your parents were headstrong and set in their ways with IC in Taurus, you were probably just as bullheaded. This might have caused some issues because neither side would back down during fights.

However, you may have also learned some positive lessons about strength from your childhood. Now, you probably have stubborn personality pieces, too.

Ultimately, there were no exceptions in your childhood. You had to follow the rules regardless of how you fel.

With your IC in Taurus, you didn’t feel that you could negotiate or explain your side. You felt like you had no power, though you definitely tried to exert yourself.

You may have also felt that you needed to earn your parents love in some way. You may have felt that you were deserving of love because of what you did, not because of who you were.

In both cases, the IC in Taurus leaves you feeling inauthentic. You had to follow the demands of someone else, even when they conflicted with your own personal beliefs.

Now, with your Midheaven in Scorpio, you start to reevaluate your values and compare your beliefs to those of your parents. You were never given the opportunity to develop your own self of morals, so the values that you do come up with might be the exact opposite of your parents’ morals in some ways.

As an adult, you may feel a lot of resentment towards your parents’ values. You were restricted in childhood and hold a lot of deep anger over these experiences.

It’s important that you work with this intensity. This is how you will dig deep and discover what matters to you, and your own values will probably shape your career.

You may come off as dark or tortured, or even seem like an enigma. However, this is important to you because you feel strongly about representing your deep self. You want to be nothing less than truthful, no matter how dark or twisty the truth is.

In your career and public image with Midheaven in in Scorpio, you specifically try to show the parts of you that appear deep and interesting. You want to be seen as someone profound, contrasting with the surface level rules and values you were taught in childhood.

Your appearance sparks intrigued. Something about the way you come off is dark and complicated, so people are drawn to you and want to learn more about what’s inside.

However, you don’t reveal all of your depth with Midheaven in Scorpio. You’re careful to curate an image that displays your best qualities so that you won’t be attacked.

You may also like being a little mysterious because you learned that there’s power in mystery.

In your work, you want to create or uncover something profound. Midheaven in Scorpio is all about contributing something important to the world. You will never settle for surface level work.

With Midheaven in Scorpio, you’re also attracted to power, as with any Scorpio placement. This is because you felt powerless as a child, so you want to appear important now. Power can become your safety net.

You’re hungry and ambitious, so you can be very successful in your career. Once you put your mind to something, you won’t stop until you achieve it.

However, your career must mean something to you. You work has to be an expression of who you are and must reflect your authentic values.

Keep in mind that with Midheaven in Scorpio, you can grow to possess unhealthy power, or this Scorpionic influence can be transmitted for good, helping you make an impact on the world.

Work to wield your power wisely. Don’t get caught in the dark and depressive elements of Midheaven in Scorpio, but instead discover your truest values and use them to shape the world around you.

Ultimately, you don’t ever want to earn love or have to play by other people’s rules. You desire to do what you want, when you want, and find people who accept this.

To heal your inner child with Midheaven in Scorpio, release the hangups you have that don’t serve you. Learn how to be authentic without needing to control the situation or prove anything to other people.

Instead, when you heal your inner child, you will show your truest, authentic self without reservation or fear."

SOURCES: https://teaandrosemary.com/midheaven-in-scorpio-ic-in-taurus/

"In the natal chart, your descendant describes what kind of partner you are looking for unconsciously. As the point directly across the ascendant which represents your identity, we tend to identify with the traits of our ascendants more. This leads to seeking the sign on the descendant in other people. With the descendant in Leo, you are attracted to partners who display the traits the Lion very strongly. This sign is usually emphasized in their charts.

The descendant is one of the birth chart’s most important features. It is the other angle of the ascendant-descendant axis, which deals with the questions of your self-image versus other people, relationships, relating, and many more. Understanding your descendant in Leo can help you understand your one-on-one relationships better, and it can serve as food for thought about your partners.

The descendant in Leo automatically means that your ascendant is in Aquarius. Being an Aquarius rising suggests that you are a very independent and freedom-loving person. You appear a bit unconventional and shy, but you have amazing ideas and you are smart. However, it can be hard for you to get support from others. The need for freedom of Aquarius can be challenging when it comes to relationships-you want to be attached and detached at the same time.

Being an Aquarius rising often means that in childhood, you were shy and anxious. You had a hard time fitting in, and you were in some way unique, not like most kids around you. As you grow older you need to learn more about the polar opposite of Aquarius-Leo.

Leo is the sign of the heart. You learn to express yourself with warmth and genuine appreciation of others. This helps you connect with others more easily, and improves your relationships as well. It is one of the most important lessons of the descendant in Leo.

For a long-term relationship to work out, your partner must recognize your need for independence and respect your boundaries. They have to understand that you need a lot of space in a relationship. You are not the right partner for clingy people with your descendant in Leo and ascendant in Aquarius.

Your ideal partner also has to respect your need for making things better. Aquarius is all about rebellion and revolution. You are looking at old structures from a new perspective and wonder about topics like social equality and creating better systems. If your partner doesn’t understand the way your brain works, you sooner or later feel that you have to get out of the relationship.

With the descendant in Leo in your birth chart, you want a partner who adores you. You expect to be the one and only in their life and you are not willing to put up with anything less than being treated as a royalty. Giving each other enough relationship is key in your close-relationships.

Your ideal partner is a born leader. They are courageous, fun-loving, gregarious, enjoy attention. You possess these traits as well, but it takes time for you to discover them in yourself. Many people with their descendant in Leo enjoy being in the center of attention later in life. The seventh house in Leo indicates that you love being in the public eye.

A Leo descendant in the natal chart can also suggest that your partners are often people of good position. They can help your advancement in many ways. They are often popular with people and have a large social circle.

The descendant and 7th house is how you interact with your partners and what kind of people you are unconsciously attracted to. Leo is the sign of the ego, and with the descendant in Leo, your ego and conscious self is often tied to other people. Because of this, this is one of the more challenging placements.

The negative manifestation of the descendant in Leo is not being aware of the lower octave of this sign in yourself. This is not an easy sign. Leo requires a lot of attention or else it becomes melodramatic. For some reason, you can find that selfish, boastful, inflexible, arrogant people appear in your life all the time.

The descendant in Leo suggests that you can perceive other people as self-centered act arrogant and bossy, especially those you are in a close relationship with. and unless they realize and find this energy in themselves they can project it onto others accused them of behavior they themselves as well

Leo is ruled by the Sun. The position of this luminary in your natal chart previous more information about your partnerships and the people you are attracted to (you can learn about the Sun in houses here). Sometimes you are are attracted to people who display the traits of the sign of your Sun as well.

There are four angles in the birth chart: the ascendant, the descendant, the Imum coeli and the Midheaven. They represent four fundamental aspects of the human life, and their importance in the natal chart is enormous. You can learn more about the angles in this article.

To calculate your descendant, you have to know your exact time of birth to almost the minute. This is necessary because the descendant changes approximately one degree every four minutes, like the ascendant.

The descendant is always in the opposite sign as the ascendant. For example, if your ascendant is in Aquarius, your descendant is in Leo, if your ascendant is in Taurus, your descendant is in Scorpio.

The degree of the descendant corresponds to the point of the sky setting on the western horizon. This also means that this part of your natal chart is almost like it was in the dark. It is not easy to see it. Most people need a lot of time to become aware of their descendant and eventual planets conjunct it or falling in the seventh house.

The ruling planet of the descendant adds more details to the analysis of this angle. You can learn about the meaning of the descendant’s ruler through the houses here.

The Lion is the royalty of astrology. Everybody knows that this sign is all about glamour and celebration. Ruled by the Sun, Leo is the sign of life energy and creativity. Leo season beings on 23rd July and lasts until 22th August (these are approximate dates, for a specific year look up an ephemeris).

In the Zodiac, Leo is the fifth sign. It is associated with the fifth house of joy in the natural chart (of course, your fifth house can begin in any sign in your own birth chart). Its planetary ruler is the Sun. The symbol of Leo resembles the tail of the lion, and it looks like this: ♌︎.

By element, Leo is one of the fire signs in astrology (along with Aries and Sagittarius). Leo belongs to the group of fixed signs by modality. Fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) are persistent and determined, focusing on finishing and follow through.

Leo is described as lavish, creative, joyful, dazzling, fun-loving, spontaneous, high-energy, enthusiastic, inspiring, motivated. This sign is the life of the party.

As every zodiac sign, Leo has its shadow side as well. It can act arrogant, bossy, selfish. If it is insecure, it can overemphasize its merits and importance, what can make the Lion appear repulsive. There is a tendency to be lazy and self-indulgent."

SOURCES: https://advanced-astrology.com/descendant-in-leo/

[thecleverdame]

The Oath - 2

Parings: Dark!Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader

Masterlist

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Summary: After an unsuccessful escape attempt, the reader finds herself taken as a spoil of war. She ends up in the bed of a ruthless Alpha, the son of John Winchester, leader of the kingdom of Gilead. She struggles to conceal her true identity and navigate a society where being an Omega means nothing more than serving at the pleasure of powerful men.

Warnings: non-con, sexual assault, rape, attempted suicide, sexual slavery, branding, torture, ownership, voyeurism, anal play, smut, violence, and murder.

Sam is dark in this story. If any of the warnings are triggers for you, I would suggest skipping this one. Please read and heed all the warnings.

Beta: ilikaicalie

Chapters 1-9 are currently available on Patreon.  To get access to this and many other stories, subscribe for a pledge of 2.50 per month. CLICK HERE

-

TWO

“What’s this?” Sam asks. 

He could smell you from the moment his brother dragged you into their tent. Your Omega is masked by something but it’s there and it’s unmistakable. 

“An Omega the men were about to ruin.” Your captor lets you go and you stand there, eyes finding a rock on the dirt floor and staring at it. 

Two Alphas. This is not what you hoped. But maybe you can still make it out alive. 

You’re a squirmy little thing, and it’s hard to get a good look at you. At first glance, it would be easy to dismiss you as just another desperate Omega trying to get away. In Sam’s experience, your kind rarely embraces your place in the natural order of things. Yes, it would be easy to overlook you, but Sam pays attention to details. He can see past your stringy hair and tear-stained face, your bloodied knees, and dirty breasts. He’s willing to bet you’re really something to see when you’re not a snot covered mess. 

The scent coming from between your legs is thick like honeysuckles in the summer, you’re still sweet. On the verge of being broken but holding yourself together. 

Dean looks unhappy and Sam waits for what’s to follow. 

“As much as I’d love to stay and play with her, I have to ride the outer camps. If one of us doesn’t do the rounds the men start thinking they’re above the rules. We need to do something. They can’t be trusted, they didn’t even check before they started on her.” Dean pushes you forward and you nearly fall over. “She’s yours, for now at least. Unless you want to take a ride...”

“It’s your turn to go.” Sam looks to Dean for the first time. 

Dean shrugs, snorting as he shakes his head. “Better you than me. She’s a fucking mess.”

“Leave her to me.” Sam watches you with interest, your eyes bulging wide with uncertainty. Dean grabs his saddlebags and heads out. 

Moments later you’re alone with this new Alpha who’s circling you slowly, examining every inch of your battered skin. He moves as a predator, a wolf stalking its prey with slow, deliberate steps. 

“Did they fuck you?” he asks. 

“N-no,” you stammer, awash with both shame and paralyzing fear. 

“But they did touch you?” He stops directly in front of you, looking at your breasts, then to the patch of hair between your legs. 

“Yes. They touched me.” You don't know if you should look at him. Everything is a calculated choice. These sorts of men are volatile, he may not think you’re worthy to make eye contact. Further punishment is the last thing you can withstand, so you keep your eyes on the floor. 

“I’ll deal with them in the morning.” He tilts his head, wiping off his hands with a cloth before tossing it on the table. “Do you know who I am?”

“No,” you whisper, a tear rolling down your cheek. You don’t want to know. 

“Samuel. The son of John Winchester,” he explains. You think you may vomit. Samuel Winchester. Of all the cruel twists of fate, this has to be one of the most merciless. You’ve heard of him, you can’t recall the specifics but you know his general reputation; brutal and sadistic.  “The man who brought you here was my brother, Dean.” He pauses and you say nothing. “You lived in Hayward Village?”

“Yes,” you nod, sneaking a peek. He’s a beast of a man. All you can do now is pray he doesn’t kill you, or do irreparable damage. 

“I need you to understand you’re never going back there,” he explains calmly. 

Hayward never felt like your home. It was a place to hide, to fade into the background. But hearing him say that makes this all too real. You will never be the same again. 

“I understand,” you confirm. 

“The rest of your life will be very different. You’re the property of Gilead now. You belong to me. Do you understand?”

It’s clear you don’t like that declaration of ownership. Your eyes snap up to his, swallowing hard. It’s always difficult for Omegas to truly understand this new world order. It’s best to be up front. False hope only creates desperation. He doesn’t need you trying to run in the middle of the night. 

He looks on with interest, the way you swallow your emotions, holding them back at all costs. In his experience not many women would be able to express such self control under these circumstances. You’re strong, whether you know it or not.

“I understand,” you agree quietly, unsuccessfully covering the tremor in your voice. “M-may I ask what I should call you?”

“Alpha,” Sam explains. “In Lebanon Omegas don’t use the names of their Alphas. It breeds familiarity and that can be a dangerous thing.” 

You shift and squeal in pain, cradling your arm. Fresh tears fall. You’re in agony and he can’t have that. He needs you in working order. 

“What’s wrong with your arm?” Inching closer he tries to get a better look. 

“I-I think i-it’s broken,” you sputter.  

“One of the men did this?” His eyes narrow, displeased by the news. “Intentionally?” 

The fucking men have been on his last nerve for weeks and now this. They think themselves equal. Deserving of such riches that they would cross this of all lines. It makes his blood boil. 

“He threw me down from the horse. I don’t think he meant to hurt me.” You’re shaking, entire body rattling in cold and in pain. 

“He should have been more careful. An Omega requires special handling. Come here, let me see it.” He sits down in a chair, his expression unflinching as he waits for you to move closer. “Move your hand so I can see the damage.”

You let go of your arm and howl as the bones shift, but he takes your elbow and wrist, holding them in a manner that offers the first relief you’ve felt in hours. It makes sense, he’s a soldier. He knows how to treat wounds on the battlefield. He’s seen a thousand broken bones worse than this. 

“Here.” He carefully tightens his grip on your elbow, sliding his hand along your forearm until he’s holding it in place. He changes the position and you think you might vomit, the pain is so great. It’s making you sweat and squirm as he feels where the bone has snapped. “This is going to hurt.” 

Before his words register, he pulls on your wrist and elbow at the same time, realigning the bone as the two pieces snap back into place with a sickening crack. 

You scream, trying to pull back but he grabs you by the hair to keep you from retreating. 

“You’ll be fine, calm down,” he orders. He doesn’t exactly care, but seeing a woman in pain doesn’t bring him pleasure like many of his men. In fact, it’s always made him uncomfortable.“I’ll find something to hold your arm in place. Sit down and don’t move.”

He points to the chair and you lower yourself into it, cradling your newly set arm, watching as he looks in trunks and sacks. Finding long, flat pieces of wood he kneels in front of you, and using a thin rope and cloth he secures the wood around your arm until it’s completely immobile. 

“What’s your name?” he asks. 

Your mind races. You need to give him something, anything but your real name. The hours in the forest come back to you. The wild things all around you, as you search for any name to give him. You blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. 

“Sparrow,” you sniffle, wiping tears from your cheek. 

“Sparrow,” he repeats, looking up at you. “A fitting name given your broken wing.” One massive hand grips your knee and you jerk in surprise, looking him in the eyes. You almost forgot you were naked. “Do you know what’s expected of Omegas in my country?”

“I’ve heard stories but...no,” you answer honestly, looking at him as your heart breaks. You’ll never see your family again. Not that your father would ever take you back after this. There’s no coming back from being with a Winchester. If he did nothing more than talk to you, it would be a permanent black mark. 

And if Sam knew who you were he’d kill you on the spot. You’re damned any way you look at it. 

“You belong to us. The sooner you accept this, the easier things will be. You’re lucky, most of your village was killed. A half dozen were taken as servants. And you are the lone prize. The only thing worth the effort of that Godforsaken place.” Lucky. It’s a strange way to describe being driven from your home and nearly raped by a group of disgusting men. “Depending on how well you perform, you’ll be offered as a prize to a high ranking Alpha. Or perhaps you’re bound for greater things.”

Sam’s words are unmistakable. There’s a hunger in his eyes as he looks from your breasts down to the patch of hair between your thighs. One could find him handsome in other circumstances, but right now he’s simply terrifying. He’s large enough that he could easily take anything he wanted from you. His eyes burning with an intensity you can practically feel. 

“I understand,” you whisper. “I’ll do my best.”

“You stink. I’ll have someone clean you up.” He stands, arms folded across his chest. “Then we’ll have a good look at you.”

-

The tent doesn’t feel like a temporary shelter set in the middle of a makeshift camp. There are clothes and weapons everywhere as if the two brothers have been here for months. Carefully marked maps are spread across a long wooden table. There are markers in the form of little metal horses across it. It’s a miniature version of the war raging on around them. There’s a treasure trove of valuable information here if you could get it to someone, but it’s a fool's errand. This is where your journey ends, you can feel it in your bones. 

The only available woman in the camp is a gray-haired cook who bathes you while Sam watches from the corner of the room. The light of the fire licks across his face, his eyes never faltering as the old woman washes your hair and helps you scrub until the mud and grime are gone. 

The cook helps you bathe and leaves in a rush, never looking up. She’s more terrified of him than you are, a fact that doesn’t escape you. 

Sam was right, you’re beautiful underneath it all. Healthy Omegas have a glow about them, not that he’s seen a healthy one in years, but he remembers. Yours is faint but there’s a glimmer to you, like an aura emanating from your body. You’re holding your arm, with eyes trained on the floor but your head is held high, back straight despite the oppression of the situation. It’s that inner strength that fascinates him. You may be compliant or you might try to stab him in the middle of the night. There’s only one way to know for sure. 

“May I have something to drink?” you ask, naked and dripping in front of the fire. 

“Yes. What would you like?” He’s on his feet again, slinking closer with the stealth of cat “Wine? Water?”

“Tea. I’m very cold. Something to warm me up would be appreciated.”

He takes herbs from a pouch, grinding them into the bottom of a mug before adding hot water. Then he sits across the table watching you sip. 

“You’re beautiful,” he asserts and your breath catches, fear churning. “And unclaimed. How is it that an Omega like you hasn’t been claimed already?”

The truth is that your father kept you under lock and key. And when he was forced to send you away, he picked the one place you’d be the least likely to cross paths with an Alpha. 

“There were no Alphas in my village.” You explain the question away praying that's the end of it.  A tingling sensation is blooming to life in your belly, dulling your senses. “What is in this tea?”

“Herbs to help with the pain. I broke a rib last year, it’s the only thing that brought relief.” His eyes drop to your tits, licking his lower lip. “We’re lucky my brother had to leave. You wouldn’t have lasted an hour. He would have knotted you the moment he realized how pristine you are.”

Your cheeks flush hot as you fight off tears. While you overheard crude talk in the village, it’s rare that any man has ever spoken so frankly to, or about you in such a way. 

“Have you been with a man before?” You hesitate and he rolls his eyes. “I expect honest answers.”

“Yes,” you admit, feeling shame wash over you. At least he doesn’t know who you are, it would only serve to exacerbate your sins. A woman of your standing should be a chaste virgin, untouched by any man until her husband. But as a country girl from a small village its less of a transgression. Either way you think about it, the admission makes you feel like a whore. 

“How many?” he asks. 

Jesus, you’re not sure you can stand much more of this intimate questioning. 

“Two.” 

“Interesting.” A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, entertained by the confession. “Have you taken a knot?”

Your whole body goes tense, a fact that doesn’t escape him. You’re scared but with fear comes compliance. He’s good at reading people, maybe he won’t have to worry about you trying to slit his throat.

“No,” you whisper, barely audible. “I’ve never been with an Alpha.”

“Good.” His fingers strum the table. “I’ll be your first then.”

There, now it’s a sure thing. No more guessing. He plans to have you for himself, at least tonight. While he’s nowhere near the nightmare of men that had you envisioned earlier, there’s a darkness in him that’s simmering right there for anyone to see and it scares the daylights out of you. 

“Will you open your legs for me?” he asks evenly. “Or will I have to have to show you who’s in charge?”

“Please don’t,” you beseech, looking to him in desperation. 

“You don’t get that choice,” he counters, unhappy with any pushback. 

“I’m just in so much pain.” Your voice is shaking, hand curled into a fist at your side. “I haven’t slept in days. If you would wait until morning, I’ll do anything you want. I’ll give myself to you freely. I just...I’m not sure how much more I can take tonight. I’m so exhausted I can barely stay upright.”

He’s silent, contemplating your request. The men found you in the forest. You probably are exhausted. You could also be exaggerating, trying to buy yourself a little time before he fucks you. And yet he’s inclined to believe you. He can read the exhaustion on your face like the war maps on the table. 

“How long were you in the forest?” he asks. 

“Two days.” 

“With no shoes and no cloak?”

“There was no time. When the men attacked my home I ran with what I had on, nothing more.”

“I see.” He sits back, rubbing over the pads of his fingers as he decides what to do. “You should sleep. You’re no good to me broken and delirious. You’ve already been mishandled enough.”

If you were any other Omega he’d have you gag on his cock and make you sleep on the floor next to his bed, but you have this smell about you. That sweet lingering scent he’s never encountered before. He wants to fuck you, see what it feels like to be inside you, to give you his knot. 

“Thank you.” You close your eyes, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears that fall. “Thank you.”

“Are you still cold?” he asks gesturing at your bare tits. 

“Yes,” you admit, embarrassed to the point of giving up as your nipples stand out like little pebbles. “I’ve been cold for days.”

“Then come to bed and I’ll warm you.” He gets up, pulling his shirt over his head as he walks to the bed farthest from the fire. He toes off his boots and drops his trousers to the floor, stepping out of them. 

He’s a sight to behold. Long, lean muscle, just as powerful as you suspected. His cock is thick, bobbing just below his stomach. He fists himself, looking to you as you dutifully walk over to the bed, careful of your arm. 

Has he changed his mind? 

“Lay down,” he instructs, waiting as you shimmy under a heavy fur pelt. He pulls a small pillow from somewhere under the bed and places it beside you. “Turn on your side and rest your arm here.”

You do as he instructs, watching him with a wary eye as you settle into the bed. 

Sam climbs in behind you, pressing hot, naked skin against your back, letting his erection poke at your buttocks. 

“How is your arm?” he inquires as his mouth connects with your shoulder, open lips dragging over skin. Can this be happening? You jump as his teeth scrape over the back of your neck, praying that he’ll be true to his word and allow you time to recuperate. 

“It’s not as painful as it was,” you admit, feeling your eyes fall heavy. Exhaustion trumps all. “The tea helped.”

“Good. Go to sleep, little bird. The next few weeks will be difficult ones for many reasons. You should rest when you can.” 

His warning sends a thousand thoughts spiraling. A thick arm lays over your hip and you close your eyes as sleep overtakes you. For the first time in nearly three days, you’re allowed to rest. 

[khaosgaming22]

Expunged- Part I

The radio crackled in Chao's ship as he flew toward the location of the distress signal at light speed, he could just barely make out what it was saying but he was able to decipher the coordinates. He jolted out of light speed as he passed by the atmosphere of Jupiter, the titanic jovian cast a shadow on him so dark that if he didn't have lights he would not be able to see much. He looked over at another green colored moon that orbited the planet, Io was lost to the Darkness now. As he kept going the navigation system told him he was getting closer to the signal. That's when he realized where it was coming from and why there was so much static. The icy moon of Europa slowly orbited on Chao's left.

Chao was apprehensive as he was pulled into the planet's orbital gravity, the last time he was here was not pleasant. He had come here on a mission to scope out a new arena for his Crucible, all he found was a ship frozen in ice, broken in half and a Clovis Bray machine gun prototype. Along with a heap of trouble, it was a notoriously bad place for his kind. He couldn't leave now though, he'd already come this far and wasn't backing out if he could help whoever it was on the radio.

The ship sat down on a snowy plateau, the wind was blowing it everywhere and Chao could barely make out where he was going, not only that but the armor he wore was not fit for this type of weather. The cold didn't effect him of course, he was an Exo but the snow was so deep and his helmet had no thermals. He took off the navigation system from his ship and clipped it onto his belt as his Mark blew in the wind. Then he set it to where it would alert him if he was at his destination. For now he grabbed his pulse rifle, No Feelings and trudged through the snow following the lights on the other side of the ridge that shone through the blizzard.

He made his way toward the lights and the radio static began to come through a little clearer. Though the howling wind still made it hard to tell what was being said, he knew he was close, he saw the remains of an old facility captured in the icy surface. The front of it seemed like it was torn open by someone... or something. He proceeded with caution and kept his weapon close by as he descended down into the cavern that used to be enclosed but was now at the mercy of the treacherous weather. He turned on the light on his helmet to see better as he walked down the stairs and out into an area that reminded him of Titan's Arcology. Golden Age maybe, sleek designs. It was a miracle this place was still running after all this time. He stepped through the hallway and the door mechanism showed a green light before sliding open. The blinding light from the next room poured in and Chao's blue eyes whirred as they adjusted to let less light in. Pointless for Exos other than having to keep them as accurate to humans as possible. Chao stepped through the door to the giant room and he looked on what he saw with worry. First thing he saw was the logo. Clovis Bray Exoscience. Second thing he saw was the Crux. The loudspeaker gave a three toned trill before he heard a voice.

"Welcome home my robotic savior. I trust that you... recognize where you are now." Chao gave a nod, though it was small.

"I am the one who sent the distress signal, however I am not in any danger no, on the contrary I am perfectly content right where I am."

"And where might that be?" Chao tried seeing if he could figure out what was going on.

"Not sure... I seem to be surrounded by late uh- experiments of what this facility studied back in our Golden Age. All by the great Clovis Bray the First, father of Clovis Bray the Second and grandfather to Ana and Elsie Bray. One of the greatest minds of our time, for you see he was never afraid to do what needed to be done for the betterment of humanity. You were once researched here to travel the cosmos and beyond, however we all know that is not possible with the means you attempt now... shame. Instead you were created for something more dire, you Chao-5 were built for war." Chao didn't hear the door lock behind him as the voice monologued.

"All Exos were built for war, but that doesn't mean we all followed what we were created to do." The voice laughed at that.

"Really? So toting around high powered weapons and wielding Light and Dark against those that seek to win isn't for war?"

"I serve to protect the last of humanity, I do not use my Light with reckless abandon, I use it to shield those who cannot carry one of their own." Chao said firmly.

"Your track record says otherwise." The voice challenged. "Chao-4, Vanguard reprimand: War Crimes. Quote: Using Striker powers against enemy force innocents. Chao-4, Vanguard reprimand: Misuse of power and broken Crucible rules. Quote: Blatant disregard for teammates lives, four injured, 2 killed." Chao stood still, he couldn't speak.

"Sounds like that fight is still inside you. It hasn't gone anywhere, no maybe how many times you try to reset yourself you were created to do battle. You are an Exo, it is your prime directive, the Clarity that Clovis used still remains after all this time." The voice was behind him now it Whispered in his audio sensors.

"You've merely directed your fighting toward a different cause. Now I am going to do the same." Chao couldn't move, he was trapped in an overshield of shadow that encased him. The voice came into view, a Warlock draped in shadow, Awoken, his hair almost looked like Ken's. He fired a round from Chao's own pulse rifle into his chest plate and it shattered. The Warlock hooked up a cord to one of the nearby work stations and began to scroll through Chao.

"Don't worry, just like you've lived your whole life... you won't feel a thing. You will fight for us now Chao-6."

Hey everyone look content! Soo I know I haven't written in a while, school has been really rough and honestly it's just been kinda a sucky time in my life right now so writing some darker stuff hasn't been on my list but Beyond Light has been super fun and I got a ton of new ideas in the works now that I've read the lore, starting with Chao here soooo yeah idk how to end this but uhhh something something Stasis Go Brr

[violetsystems]

#personal

As promised, I am projecting less frustration this morning.  I think maybe just because the rhythm of things in my life.  I read that ritual during the pandemic has been a reliable coping mechanism for many.  I have very small rituals.  I get a bowl of Yukejang from down the street on Sundays.  Same order.  Same price.  I tap it into a spreadsheet somewhere in the cloud and plan around it.  All the way back in September, I chiseled out a budget for myself to figure out how to weather out this situation.  The situation as it is continues to morph and shift towards the edges of chaos.  This is why I try to keep things normal through planning and maybe a little ritual.  I’ve been writing the same three paragraphs here for too many years for me to count.  There are actually people out there who get what I’m saying.  Sometimes people just like to read them.  Other people just like to skim them.  But these rituals kind of keep the element of control over your life in focus.  Some rituals can go a little overboard.  And sometimes some pandemics can go longer than a year.  I try to plan for the future all the same without having much to go on.  I know that a vaccine needs to happen first.  At this point I won’t see that until earliest June.  I’ve been seeing jobs in my salary range but nothing I want to spend the rest of my life doing.  I’ve made enough money by myself this year to worry about paying taxes.  But it isn’t something I really feel is sustainable.  And this is where thoughts start to spiral out of control.  Which is what brings me back to rituals.  I make it through week to week in probably one of the most bullshit situations by looking forward to things.  Broadcasting on Fridays is fun even if nobody watches it live.  I’ve learned that creating content for output is more important than worrying about the results.  For all the intelligent words I write, a lot of the things that come out of my actual mouth on the fly are incredibly stupid and funny to me.  I like that that brings me down to earth somehow.  Because most of the time I’m wondering if I’m even visible to the naked eye.  You can fade away into your own self doubt even if you seem the most confident and together person.  This can happen because the world ceaselessly throws shade.  People don’t want you to succeed because it complicates things.  Doesn’t fit into whatever plan or main questline you haven’t been briefed on.  These days I’ve grown less sensitive to suggestion.  I follow my own path and rules no matter what feelings it evokes.  And yes I feel a sense of dread more often than not.  I feel actual mental pain quite often.  And that pain doesn’t come from inside of me or the result of things I do other than work out or ride my bike.  The pain is the pressure from society to put it all on you.  People out there are just as confused, lost and fearful.  To have some sort of closure or something to blame lifts that temporarily.  It’s not always true.  Paranoia and isolation does that to people.  Even to me.  So I like to focus on the sacred parts of my life that I’ve kept to myself.  And ritual keeps me in a predictable mood.  That you keep going on week to week because you’ve created space that you and you alone value.  

Sometimes other people value it too.  And that gets tricky to manage.  It isn’t really in my best interest to be at odds with society all the time.  I am a loner mostly because I grew up an only child.  But I’ve become a lot less sensitive as a result of whatever crucible of destiny I’ve been forged in.  I think sometimes when you walk the path of ritual, it’s easy to stay in your lane.  For me, for all these years I’ve been doing pretty much the same exact thing in real life often.  Mostly to not cause anyone cognitive dissonance enough to fuck with me.  Society is a nightmare anywhere you are it seems.  Chicago can be batshit insane.  It makes me project that like a mirror sometimes when I’m exhausted.  And the things that keep me going aren’t always there front and center to hold my hand.  I’m tough enough at this point to take it.  But it’s a lot of disappointment to live with.  The ritual of having a salaried job working with people who seemed pretty much like they were your friends was disrupted by all this a year ago.  I got ghosted.  I never really understood why.  Over the months, I blamed myself over and over again.  And then I started to realize people were hopelessly locked within themselves.  They couldn’t communicate anything meaningful so they just decided to let it go entirely.  Or I did.  Communication to me over the years is funny.  Sometimes people say the most to me without saying any words.  If you walk away from a job after twenty years and everyone you work with pretends you never existed that’s a message.  The opposite is true.  If you wake up every morning to cryptic interactions on your phone that probably means something too.  If you write three paragraphs every week for three years on the internet to nobody in particular, it’s true somebody will read it.  Maybe somebody will even have the reading comprehension to enjoy it.  The ritual of it is pretty sacred to me.  I think people know me well enough to realize I err on the side of authenticity.  I don’t like to betray the things that keep me going.  I know how it feels to be betrayed.  It sounds so cold saying that.  But I’m sure we all know it to a certain degree.  Some people get so abandoned that they have no choice but to move forward.  And how you keep yourself moving at a regular pace in these times is anybody’s guess.  Sanctuary is something more than ritual.  It’s a space where you feel safe enough to protect the things that keep you alive.  A safe spot to pursue your life, liberty and happiness despite the world’s encroaching bullshit around you.  After years of pacing the streets here people have varying opinions of me and my rituals.  It’s not the most ideal situation by far.  But if anyone knows anything about maintaining sanctuary in one of the world’s most in your face cities, it is me.  I’ve been to New York enough to know.  Chicago is some sort of nightmare zone mix of both coasts.  It’s also still fairly affordable to live.  It’s also fairly free enough to go about your business with more than a few stares.  People are bored, hungry, and anxious.  People are looking for rituals and ideas for their own.  And sometimes people cross the line of sanctuary and the holy ground gets smaller.  I can’t even take out my trash without a dirty look sometimes.  And I have to manage it just the same.  When I shut the door and mutter to myself about politics and the government or whatever, nobody comes knocking.  Or I’m over it quick enough so nobody does.  Kind of like here.  The good news is spring is here.  I can open up the windows and listen to music alone.  I can continue to work on my search for meaningful employment wherever that may take me.  I honestly think after all this time someone has better ideas on where I belong.  

That somebody has most always had to be me.  I had to take the initiative in this entire situation.  And it’s become something else entirely.  I build rituals around that.  Some outdated rituals I retire.  Kind of like how I was.  I used to travel to New York every couple of months before this all went to shit.  I think I may go back this summer for a few days.  I don’t really have a solid answer for the future in my head.  I’ve had more time to enjoy things.  I spend way more time learning how to block in Tekken and it actually becomes a whole new game.  I could be harassing people in public and on the internet but I’d rather just keep to myself.  I am lonely just like anyone would be in this situation.  But people communicate with me just the same.  And it’s on me to value it enough to interpret whether it’s worth my time.  I keep hearing the president proclaim that July will mark our independence from the virus.  It’s ironic.  I was let go two days before the fourth last year.  Still nursing those wounds as you would expect.  Simply because there’s no closure.  No acknowledgement of anything.  And this is what I’ve had to read into.  I’m on my own in this.  And then again I’m not.  I’ve led myself through an absolute shit show daily.  And I’ve maintained sanctuary enough to keep doing it.  The rituals and sacred things I hold dear are protected by the reputations I uphold.  The moral capital I reserve is the real hard work.  Because often I would like nothing other than to go apeshit in the face of all this misunderstanding and hallucinatory bullshit.  It’s like being a celebrity and a pariah at the same time.  Banging your head against the wall trying to read into everybody’s sudden interest in whatever it is you represent in real time.  I don’t really know what people want from me at all.  And in some ways it doesn’t matter here in America.  This is what I’ve come to realize in some respects about freedom.  It’s complex, messy and not easily managed efficiently.  And yet no other country in the world has this many layers to navigate.  If you hold your ground long enough, nobody dares cross the line.  I mean nobody.  For as funny, sardonic and self deprecating as I can be, people are still ultimately scared shitless of me.  I’ve grown to understand that and work on that as best I can in a bullshit situation.  And through that I’ve found that staying true to the things you love and care about require meditation.  Self awareness and self care are the only weapons to guide you through a process that is meant to break your individual will.  I could blame capitalism.  I could blame the government.  I could unite and tear down the very fabric of society that has kept me invisible and be forgotten all over again.  And then I realize both sides are to blame mostly because nobody is really talking to anyone.  Entire political parties acting like they meet you eye to eye on the street when everyone has their head slung down low at every moment of the day.  And I’m not exactly interested in inviting more people into my life to violate my already questionable boundaries of privacy.  Rituals give us the focus to concentrate on the things that really matter to us.  Maybe they help us define what is sacred to us.  If people respect that the sanctuary grows.  If people challenge, question or hijack the narrative, you write them out of the story.  It’s definitely easier to control the pen when nobody is on your back to tell you how to write your dreams.  I wholeheartedly want that for everybody.  A real sanctuary for people to be themselves.  It’s not easy to manage.  But where ever I end up I know want thing is true.  I will always keep things sacred when it comes to you. <3 Tim

[tarithenurse]

The good Villain - 9

Based on the prompt “You’re the villain and you know that you just want the ‘good guys’ to understand why”

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader Content: Tension, denial, feels, fluff, a proverbial olive branch, more tense feelings. A bit of drinking (not exessively). A/N: *hugs*

Chapter 9

…   Reader   …

Your boots, gear, and outer layer of clothing has been replaced by a soft blanket when you wake up. Jerking upright in bed, you take in the room only to find it empty even where the evening shadows have started to gather in the corners. A small glass bowl with those chips things is standing on the bedside table. Loki. Theoretically, it could have been any of the Terran heroes except…you do not want it to be.

The snack is gone and fingers licked clean of the last delicious crystals when someone knocks. In comes Natasha with a stack of clothing which she dumps on the bed before you.

“You’re not celebrating the success in your tacs,” he announces, “so Wanda and I scoured our closets. Get ready.”

“Yes, sir.” The words are meant as a joke, but you would not dare contradict her as long as her eyes are gleaming with the harshness of steel.

Since the release from the prison, you have been experimenting with the Terran way of cleaning. Cloths dipped in water from the sink have done a decent job although you miss the full body experience of the sand rubbing off dirt and leaving the skin soft and sensitive. Perhaps… The tiles and glass defining the shower are cold against your hands when you lean in to have a better look at the wide thing from which the water will fall. It is my last chance to try it.

The sound is similar to that of sky leaks. Rain. Also, the water is colder than you like – it is bad enough that the air on this planet has such a low temperature but for some reason it seems worse when it is wet, and you have to pull yourself together to undress and enter the cubicle.

At first, you try to avoid the frigid drops as you fidget with the controls but as the water heats…well, it is not so bad anymore and you start to enjoy the feeling.

 …   Loki   …

He had become worried when the Betan was gone from the bed until he heard the splashing of water and the lingering concern mixed with curiosity which he gladly gave in to. Steam billowed in the white and blue bathroom, covering every surface with a thick layer of condense. He could have used a spell to remove the obscuring fog, granting a clear view of the figure in the shower while simultaneously breaking his own cover but there was something innocent, yet enticing, about the blurry vision of [Y/N]’s limbs caressing her body in partnership with the fragrant suds. When she released a moan of delight, Loki echoed it silently.

Of all the creations in all realms…why her?

Quiet as a cat, he slipped from her quarters, knowing what he had to do.

 …   Reader   …

By the time you have showered and dressed, you are convinced that Terran women must be constantly freezing if all they wear in this climate is as skimpy as what Wanda and Natasha have provided. Or…it is not skimpy as such but…ugh! Turning in front of the mirror, you feel exposed in the body hugging dress: knee-length, long sleeves, and a high collar, all of it made in a black, soft fabric that almost manages to shield you from the constant chill in the air. There are shoes to go with it – all of them with higher heels than you have used in ages.

To say that you feel out of your comfort zone when you walk into the common room is an understatement.

“Here.” Natasha pushes a tiny drink in your hand. “Looks like y’need it.”

Pride urges you to deny it, but why bother? “Thank you…erm…and also for the…the…” When words fail, you motion at the outfit, earning an approving nod from the flaming-haired woman. “What is it?”

Understanding that the question is in relation to the beverage, she smiles. “Tequila. Burns in the stomach, salt on the rim…but with some lime to add a bit of taste.” The smile turns into a lopsided grin as she walks away. “You’ll like it.”

Ahuh? The conviction is not shared. In fact, nothing about the situation makes you feel any sort of tenderness or affection. There are people present that you have never met before, behaving as though they are a part of the Avengers while still ogling you with unveiled curiosity even if the only visible difference between you and them is the eyes. Just a little while…then I will leave.

Keeping your back to the wall, you skirt the room for a less obvious spot from where you can get your bearings to navigate the unwritten social rules.

Music is playing – the strange tunes uncannily familiar due to the rumble of the underlying beat – and creating an absorber to the many voices of the guests and residents. In the maelstrom of chatter, the translator implant is unable to keep up unless you concentrate hard on just once conversation and you quickly fall back to relying on the body language of those surrounding you at a distance.

Mindless actions take over in your loneliness, lifting the glass with the pungent liquid to your lips. Salt crystals shift from the rim to your tongue, carrying a sour note which quickly washes away by the biting liquor. In a flash, memories of your team wells up and you savour the burn even as you lick off the rest of the bitter salt-circle. If feelings were a beverage, then these would be your emotions bottled and served to indulge in the pain of why you had to embark on the hunt, the reasons for the emptiness at the prospect of going home. Finishing a mission is supposed to be a celebrated accomplishment, a moment of victorious joy…this time it is a pain in your heart and soul as you prepare for the whiplash to come.

A sound reaches your ears, soothing and riling as only one voice can, and you spot Loki on his way towards you. Not now. You cannot bear to face him, preferring instead to burn away the ghosts until the morning, so when he is distracted you grab the opportunity to slip off to another corner.

Moments later, you are “downing” the fourth tequila to Stark’s amusement. “Better make sure you get some o’ this with ya,” he grins, already pouring a new one.

“No need…but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Loki says you’re leaving soon?”

The question is offhand, a nonchalant curiosity playing in the corners of the dark eyes which causes you to tense straight away. “By the end of this party.”

“Shame, it’d been nice if you stuck ‘round bit longer.” The smile is genuine, a kindness catching you off guard enough to cage the words in your throat as he saunters off.

…

Agonizing minutes have turned into hours where more and more people are coming over to chat, inquisitive but never demanding in their many inquiries. Some are the Avengers you know while others have been strangers with convoluted ties to the team and similarly colourful backgrounds which have made you feel less, well, alien. However, each time you have seen Loki heading your way, you have managed to dodge him…until now.

Standing by the bar, his silent presence behind you creeps under the skin. You have no intention of meeting his gaze when you turn, but he places a cool hand on your arm to stop you.

“Can we talk?”

Shrugging off the light grasp, you roll your eyes. “Proper words…yeah, apparently you can talk. Good for you!”

“[Y/N],” he pleads, quiet enough for only you to hear, “just a moment of your time…”

Fine! Heart thumping and mouth set in an impatient grimace, you follow him away from the party and towards the nearest stairwell. Each step he takes as he leads the way feels like a stomp on your courage. Not that you fear him. What you resent is the way your resolve wavers each time he speaks softly; how your plan fades when you look into the green-blue eyes. I must accept the consequences of my actions! But the voice in your mind sounds less like you and more like a snippy teacher with no understanding of a youngling’s needs. Whatever Loki wants to say, now that you are standing still, you will refuse to change your mind.

“I assume I can’t talk you out of leaving?” Turning to face you, the tall Asgardian presses his lips tightly together.

“Correct.” Then why does it hurt to say it?

“You’ll return to Sirius Beta…face the court and accept what judgement they see fit?” This time you simply nod, gaze fixed on the wall behind Loki. “Then I’m coming with you.”

“What?!” There is no way you misheard it. “You are not –“

“I’ve already sent word of your actions and reasons behind it, vouching for your innocence and swearing to witness upon your return.” The urgency in his voice echoes the frantic rhythm of your pulse as the words register with you. “Don’t thro-…you’re…I can’t let you give up without a fight. I’ll fight for you, do you understand?”

I…do not know. Does he? “No.” And it is true, you do not understand why he would go so far nor why you have to feel the way you do for him.

“[Y/N]…I can’t lose you!”

His hands are strong and unyielding as they grasp your shoulders to drag you close enough for lips to skim over lips as he bares his heart, ripping yours out in the process. Every word he says could have been spoken by yourself if only you had taken the opportunity to accept the feelings and thoughts rather than bury them under the sense of duty – a righteousness that will separate you from him. I do not love him. But you do. He does not love me. But he does. He is mistaken. Unless he can be convinced of that, however, there is no holding him back.

“Loki –“

The Asgardian’s lips are as soft as you have imagined when they seal the kiss. Abrupt, desperate, pouring over with a deep seethed urge to stall time. Of course you give in, the dance of tongues and shared breath taking over your body for an eternity that ends too soon.

“No…”

Wrenching free from what has become an embrace, you rush the only way possible: up the stairs. It does not matter where you will end up, as long as it is far away where no one can see you are leaking for the second time in your life.

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations BECKY! You’ve been accepted as VENUS.

Becky’s back, back again. Becky’s back, tell a friend! Now that I got that out of the way, I can make this a serious acceptance note. I can honestly say there was not a moment while reading this app that I didn’t think your Hana was it. Hana is obsessed with power and the way you hit on that through her bio had me on the edge of my seat. You created this storm of a girl that I want to know more about even if I know the danger associated with her. Both of us are beyond excited to see the “human embodiment of pikachu with anger issues” on the dash!

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: Becky

PRONOUNS: she / her

AGE: 24

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: GMT ( but technically GMT +1 currently bc summer! ); online daily, particularly active atm because ya girl is working from home

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Venus / Hana Mercado

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Female; she/her

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Even in a city like Miami, Hana is hard to miss in a crowd. Bubblegum bursts, her lazy chew concealing the switchblade sharp smirk that slides across her mouth a little too late for anyone to be able to avoid the trouble that comes from it. She thinks she’s wired up wrong, like a casino gambling machine full of bullets that just keeps dishing out violence while playing its disjointed electric-warped song of congratulations, bright lights flashing wildly.

To your left, a man walking his pet leopard down the sidewalk; to the right, Hana Mercado paralysing a man with the touch of a fingertip for wolf-whistling her. She fits in well here, Florida born and raised, helping the drug lords keep their territories and the mutants keep their identities and everyone and anyone in between keep what’s left of their slowly unravelling sanity. Despite the bustling sea of tourists that ebbs and flows with the good weather, it’s easy to feel lonely. Hana isn’t great when it comes to other people. Pushing them away is a lot less difficult than making them stay.

Everything is loud. Everything is bright. The electricity is near palpable as she splashes through the remnants of a thunderstorm, rainwater spraying over fresh white sneakers. She’s quiet when the sun sets, bleeding red across the sky, the colour of the popsicles she’d eat for dinner as a kid. It’s hard to fear the consequences of her actions when she’s as close to a young god as anyone’s ever going to get. Mutants? Deities? Same difference if you know how to play to the right narrative.

Fuck you has always been easier to spit than a genuinely spoken I love you and that’s the honest-to-fuck truth.

[ + ] driven / brave / resilient / passionate [ - ] arrogant / reckless / unpredictable / childish

BIO:

Money is power. And power is power. And electricity? The sort that decorates the country like a spiderweb, an interwoven network of wires, all humming, all singing to her, the siren’s call of greatness from above ground and beneath it? Power.

Hana is a vicious formation of blood and desire, with the scent of someone burning from the inside inhaled like a nicotine hit. Interrogation comes naturally to her; smiles that should be sweet on a face like hers turn sharp and deadly. She likes to hear them beg. To watch them shake. People spill their secrets to her whether they like it or not.

It’s been that way since she was nineteen years old, static dancing between her fingertips after getting too riled up in an argument with a neighbour’s son over stealing her family’s gas cylinder. An impromptu lightning strike had left the tarmac lining the trailer park sizzling, black and sticky like summertime ( and don’t worry, the Cheeto-dust-decorated-rude-mouthed-slacker-of-a-punk-ass-brat had survived – getting hit by lightning suddenly made him interesting, too, so if anything she’d been doing him a favour ).

A freak accident, they’d called it. Another one of those unexpected Florida storms. But she knew better than that. As had her mom, smoking a fresh pack of Camel Blues from the other side of the door’s insect screen, fresh foils in her hair, acrylic nails the colour of the algae in the neglected community pool down the street. Thinking back, maybe this all stemmed from swallowing too much of that fucking nuclear-waste-looking water when she’d dared to swim there as a kid, hot and sweaty as a storm breaks on the horizon.

But the point – the point is that, to her mom, having the human embodiment of Pikachu as a daughter was as good as winning a jackpot at one of her weekly bingo sessions. She tries to sell it. Power. The ability to pluck electricity from charged particles in the air makes her daughter useful. A living battery. Studies on mutants at University of Miami dish out hefty paychecks after the right terms and conditions have been signed ( note: if you die, that’s on you, don’t try to sue us ). Hana attempts to protest but even she can’t deny that the allure of getting rich sounds like a dream come true.

So she goes to college. Not in the usual sense, sure, but she gets to live on campus ( in a secure underground testing facility beneath the BioMed building ) and hang out with others ( mostly mutants ) her age. And it’s fine for a while until simple fitness tests and blood sampling turn more extreme. Some days are hazy, pumped full of drugs and hooked up to machines that she doesn’t know the name of, let alone the purpose, beeping their own idle hospital-like symphony. Other days are dark and quiet, plunged into sensory deprivation for the sake of whatever it is the boffins in their lab coats are trying to figure out.

She’ll get rich or die trying and, ironically, neither of those things happens.

When the anti-mutant-testing protestors storm the building, they free Hana from both the confinement and the contract. The money she was supposed to get at the end of all this vanishes, along with the pleased looking humans who pat themselves on the back for doing a good deed and disappear to go and celebrate. None of them ask her if this was what she wanted. None of them stop to think that maybe liberation was never an option for her.

Her mom’s gone too. A new trailer stands where Hana’s home once had. The monthly paychecks from the university never reached her bank account, instead wired directly to Mrs Mercado. She laughs until she cries, the air crackling overhead.

After all that, turning to a life of crime is far easier than it has any right to be. Angry and alone, she fucks a guy in a gang in the back of his drop-top and makes herself useful when it comes to getting money out of those who owe it. She runs from the cops. Has a gun pressed to her temple. Watches an illegal weed farm burn at the flick of a lighter. Nothing phases her because she doesn’t let it. Rules stop meaning anything when you realise just what having powers can get you. Making a living from getting spineless people to open up their mouths and offer the gold that is information makes her feel a little less like a failure. Interrogation has a nice ring to it, after all. And once she makes a name for herself, sought after by those who know that secrets are worth a decent stack of bills – well – who is she to turn a job down?

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

YVETTE. It’s more than just the sticky sweet sugar of sisterhood. Hana would fight tooth and nail for Yvette should she say the word; would go to war for her if needed. There are very few people in the world that she cares about more than herself, but her partner ( in crime, in the sport of bringing their enemies down, in a vodka-tasting kiss that she’s managed to take a little too far ) holds the throne to Hana’s adoration. If only Yvette would take another step further into chaos and embrace becoming the seductive sort of danger that people run from.

ANDREAS. He knows how to say the right things, she’ll give him that. Hana wants what is hers. And sure, she may not know what that is exactly but the whispers of power he offers are captivating. After so long of operating alone for anyone with enough money to afford her services, the concept of joining strengths is a tricky one to navigate. She keeps him waiting, keeps him on his toes, avoiding a crystal clear answer for the sake of keeping her cards close to her chest. Better to have multiple options on the table than settling for the first one that comes along.

DEREK. Oh, the joy of knowing she’s the shiny new model; a glossy picture-perfect upgrade; a brand new battery to keep Damien and his clowns energised. The temptation of coaxing out Derek’s anger to watch him slip up and fall further from grace is all too great. She’ll press a cherry red lipstick kiss to the dark shades of the sunglasses he will no doubt need down here in paradise. Her future is bright, can he say the same about his own?

DAMIEN ft. JACKSON. He sends his loyal hound. She can only assume that Jackson is missing a collar because he doesn’t like wearing it in public; his Tiffany heart-shaped dog tag would probably get too warm glinting in the Miami sunshine. Hana knows a mob boss pet when she sees one, sniffing her out amongst the cheap cocktails and plastic palms of a Tiki Bar on Ocean Drive. Who’s a good boy? It’s appealing, the carefully constructed dream Damien offers. Almost a little too good to be true given the circumstances. She knows his gang has chased others out, a fine show of strength and organisation, but how long will it last when he doesn’t even know this city?

EXTRA:

Inspo [ x ]   Pinterest board [ x ]

ANYTHING ELSE: ily both

[salvatoreschool]

Julie Plec Says Josie and Landon Will Face 'Relationship Hurdles' in Legacies Season 2

[Warning: The following contains spoilers for the Season 2 premiere episode of Legacies. Read at your own risk!]

Legacies sure didn't waste any time doling out emotional devastation in Season 2. Though we were expecting Hope's (Danielle Rose Russell) exile in Malivore to last longer than it did, we're glad to have her home — even if no one else is.

A quick recap: While the witches, werewolves, and vampire students at the Salvatore School all went their separate ways to enjoy summer vacation, the tribrid they'd forgotten spent her vacay trapped in a hell dimension. But it didn't take her long to realize that her plan to destroy Malivore by throwing herself into the pit probably didn't fully work because her vampire side is still dormant on account of the fact she's never died before. C'mon girl, rookie mistake!

So while she and Clarke (Nick Fink) toiled away inside Malivore together, Landon (Aria Shahghasemi) spent his summer drowning himself over and over again in order to get glimpses of the love he'd lost but couldn't quite remember. Josie (Kaylee Bryant) eventually gave him a serious lecture on self-harm, though, and they ended up developing a budding new romance.

That was all well and good... until Hope found a way to free herself from Malivore and return to Mystic Falls. The catch to this fortuitous turn of events, of course, is that exiting Malivore didn't restore anyone's memories of her, meaning all of Hope's loved ones have no idea who she is. This girl just just can't catch a break!

TV Guide spoke with showrunner Julie Plec about this latest devastating development, and what it means for Hope and all her friends moving forward.

What was the most fun part about creating a world in which no one remembers Hope?

Julie Plec: I really wanted to see how Alaric (Matthew Davis) handled himself without his sidekick. His relationship with Hope is such a great Giles-Buffy dynamic, and when left to his own devices, without her as his co-captain, I wanted to see what that looked like. Where we had fun was in how we rebuilt that relationship even though he has no idea who she is.

Now that she's back, how is Hope going to navigate this world where everyone she loves has no clue who she is?

Plec: She's got a real big decision to make. She's got to decide, 'Do I just knock on the front door of the school and say, hey I'm back and here's who I am,' or does she follow that instinct in her head — whether it's true or not — that everyone's better off without her? It's not a decision that she can make right away. It's not even a decision that's going to be smart when she makes it, and that's part of the fun of her character. She's so strong and yet she's capable of making these kind of emotional mistakes, and I want to see how that goes for her.

Is there any hope left that she could get people's memories of her back?

Plec: If and when she chooses to stay, it will presumably be because she thinks that there's a world where she can fit back into her old life again. But it's a precarious existence episode to episode, and it does a number on her emotionally. She wants so much to be back in the comfort of the world that she left behind, but she also knows that in doing so she'll be more disruptive than she will be beneficial, and that gives her pause.

What can you tease about how this Hope-related memory loss will shift things around with all the relationships she'd built with people at the Salvatore School?

Plec: She meets everybody as a stranger, and her decision on how to engage with each of these individual people is a lot of fun to watch.

Clarke seems to have recommitted to being his father's minion, but we did see a softer side of him in the premiere. How much of him is capable of being saved?

Plec: I think any time a villain makes a decision to be a bad guy, it's based on feeling deeply and emotionally wounded. There's always hope for them to be redeemed, but first he's got to get himself out of there. So, we'll see how that goes.

As for this new ominous, hooded figure we saw, can you say anything about this person and how worried we should be about what he or she is up to?

Plec: I can say that its identity is a mystery and a fun reveal when the hood finally comes off.

How long can we expect to wait to see Peyton Alex Smith again, since Rafael (Peyton Alex Smith) is still very much trapped as a wolf?

Plec: Well, I can tell you you won't have to wait too long, but it's also not immediate... It definitely is not an easy transition back into his regular life. He is someone who's always struggled, so he's used to the struggle. It's so hard, especially for Landon seeing his friend suffer so much. So it's going to really drive Landon to want to do something to help Raf make it through this hard time.

What's on tap for Josie and Landon romantically this season now that they've acknowledged the connection between them?

Plec: They have such a sweet friendship that they were able to build over the first episode that becomes romantic, and those are the best ones in a lot of ways. They're the ones that [are] built [on] a solid footing. But also, they're two very co-dependent people, who really like taking care of other people. They're not really used to people taking care of them, so it creates a lot of early relationship hurdles that are sort of fun and sad all at the same time.

And just for my peace of mind, does Landon have a phoenix resurrection limit we should be worried about?

Plec: That is the question, and it's the question we will be asking every time he goes down, because we don't know.

My nerves are going to love that, so thanks.

Plec: So will Hope's and Josie's.

Josie seems to have dropped the Ascendant thing, for now, having found out about Evil Uncle Kai (Chris Wood), but is that door firmly shut or should we keep an eye on it?

Plec: Well, it's never firmly shut because it's something that is haunting them from afar. It's the thing that's going to impact their future, but they definitely do make a pledge to each other that they're going to try to live their lives, in spite of it.

Lizzie (Jenny Boyd) has a new love interest headed her way in Sebastian (Thomas Doherty). What can you say about how their relationship will develop?

Plec: He smolders, let's just put it that way. He's mysterious, he's probably a little dangerous, he's that great, old-school creature that we all used to love. Dropping him into a contemporary, newly woke universe is probably not the best place he's ever been, and yet it's fun to watch an old-school vampire learn the rules of being a new-school vampire, especially when MG is the one teaching those rules.

We also know Aunt Freya (Riley Voelkel) will be paying us a visit this season, so what can you say about what brings her back around?

Plec: One thing I can say about Riley's episode is that it's not Hope who goes and brings Freya to Mystic Falls. It's somebody else, which I think will be an interesting dynamic.

Twitter also very much wants to know, what are the odds of seeing Penelope Park (Lulu Antariksa) back in Season 2?

Plec: I love how much everybody loves Penelope Park, and maybe one day.

Legacies airs Thursdays at 9/8c on The CW.

[heartschoicegames]

Heart’s Choice Author Interview: RoAnna Sylver, “Dawnfall”

Find true love and family with a pirate crew at the ends of the universe, where aliens, ghosts, and portals open the space between worlds...and your heart. You are a Navigator, one who creates and guards portals from one dimension to another, wary of the liminal sea between them.

Your universe is made of two worlds: one contains the magic-infused world of Zephyria, and the other, the dystopian space station Eclipse. The worlds are balanced, until one day, an explosive disaster, a deadly energy storm, and an infamous pirate—the Ghost Queen—upend your life and plunge you into a race to save both worlds.

Dawnfall is a 232,000 word interactive romance novel by RoAnna Sylver,  one of the first set of games releasing with the launch of Heart’s Choice. I sat down with the author, RoAnna Sylver, to talk about writing interactive romance. Heart’s Choice games release December 2nd.

Dawnfall has frankly an insanely wonderful setting for a romance game. Tell me about the aliens, the pirates, the ghosts, and the alien-pirate-ghosts.

Hi there! I’m so glad you think this sounds fun! Yeah, Dawnfall is weird as heck, and that’s one of the things I love about this story. It’s weird in a way I don’t think we’ve seen much of before. I really just tried to put in everything I find fun or interesting, and that I’ve always wanted to write. Dawnfall started out as a total brain-candy project, and runs on pure Rule of Cool. Pirates? Yes. Magic? Yes. A slice of cyberpunk? Hell yes. Eerie ghosts and faerie-tale influences and memory-sharing potions? Giant bird people? The power of rock n’roll? Yes, yes, yes.

And also everybody’s dateable, and in a couple cases, dating each other. We weave a tangled web, but I think it’s a pretty badass and spectacular web.

You seem to really neatly straddle the genre fence here with a romance and sci-fi/fantasy. What was challenging about cramming all of that into one game?

Thank you so much for saying that. I’ve always adored SFF, and there’s so much in this genre-collection, so many extremes and concepts and contrasting colors, that I couldn’t limit myself to picking just one to play with. This weird game-book is kind of a love letter to fantasy and science fiction and haunted house stories and cyberpunk adventures—I thought a lot about the Disney movie Treasure Planet for its genre-blending beauty, and the Bioware game Mass Effect for its array of fascinating, multidimensional alien cuties to interact with and date… and then turned it up to eleven.

I guess you’d expect the challenge to be in making it all fit together/be “believable,” but I kind of threw that out the window. I don’t expect anyone to find it ‘realistic’ (setting-wise anyway; I tried to make every character ring true of course), and I don’t really care if someone thinks it’s silly, or doesn’t take it seriously. It is silly in a lot of ways. DAWNFALL is a giant ridiculous queer space magic pirate adventure, and the only goal is fun. If you have fun, I’ve done my job, and there should be something fun in here for everyone.

Did you have a favorite NPC you enjoyed writing most?

Honestly I love them all so much in different ways, and I know them so well by now it’s really second nature. Their voices come so easily and they’re all so much fun. The Queen’s swagger is awesome though, and her mental voice/mannerisms probably come through especially clearly. I love Zenith’s vulnerable moments when xie lets xir guard down and lets go of the need to entertain or please. I love Averis’s journey and growth from cute wibbly nerd to a confident swashbuckler (who is also still a cute wibbly nerd). I love how deeply Oz feels, how strongly he loves and remembers and honors memory, and how unafraid he is to show softness and warmth. And I love a certain spoilery ghost-babe and how they’re so full of joy at the beauty of life.

I do want to give special mention to Aeon, though. This is a story about connection, and I wanted to show that sibling bonds are every bit as important and strong as romantic or any other. I also wanted to show a complex, multidimensional antagonist figure who holds heartbreaking secrets along with authority, and is genuinely trying to do what she thinks is the best thing, and wants what’s best for you, the PC, even if you might not always agree. Her balance between being so emotionally guarded and determined and unyielding, while hopefully being extremely easy to read and tell what she wants and fears and loves—spoiler: you; she loves you!—was a challenge I hope I pull off.

…Also I enjoy any time Vyranix gets his pompous feathered ass handed to him. I think we all know a Vyranix, or at least of one, and it’s always fun to take them down, even in fantasy.

Who would you be romancing as a player?

I’m gonna say “everyone,” and here it won’t actually be cheating, because you can romance everyone! At once! In varying degrees/relationship dynamics and attractions. You don’t see a lot of polyamory-friendly games or books or anything really, and this is an incredibly important thing for me. The second I got the idea for Dawnfall I knew it had to let players romance anyone they wanted and show polyamory in a realistic, healthy light. I’m also a-spec (asexual and aromantic), and having not just good representation but being actively included and welcomed and celebrated in fiction is so huge too.

Dawnfall is a romance of course, being part of Heart’s Choice, but one of the single most vital elements for me is making it inclusive for aromantic and asexual players and player-characters. Essentially, I wanted to write a romance that didn’t penalize players for not experiencing the attractions the way we’re otherwise expected or required—and I’m so grateful that my amazing editors and community not only accepted but supported everything I was trying to do here. (It’s so refreshing not to have to fight for inclusion and freedom. It shouldn’t be, but it is.)

And that’s where the concept of “Heart-Stars” and “Same-Feathers” came from. I’ve never seen anything honor queerplatonic relationships like I’m trying to do here, and I want everyone, of every sexuality and attraction, to feel like they have a place here and can experience this adventure without limits. And I wanted to show that it’s a very normal thing, hence this being the same for the human characters as well as alien. (One of the nonbinary characters being human is also no mistake. I love me some wild alien genders, but there are tons of awesome nonbinary humans too!)

…That being said, I think I gave Averis most of my anxiety-issues, and would really just like to curl up with Oz and watch The Great British Bake-Off. That sounds like a perfect night in my books.

What were some of the things you found surprising about the game-writing process?

Coding was definitely the biggest learning curve. I’d never coded anything before in my life, and it’s such a new skillset to learn, entirely different from any kind of writing I’ve ever done. Sometimes it felt rewriting my brain, which did not at all do this intuitively—and also sometimes like I bit off much more than I could chew (first game ever being not only a huge piece of interactive fiction, but a polyamorous romance with aro and ace possibilities, and so many more variables than expected!), but it’s been worth it. Entirely. If my writing makes anyone feel seen and accepted and invited to have fun as they are, it’s worth every bit of struggle.

Also, oddly, interactive fiction is in some ways easier for me than writing a plain old book! Probably because I love AUs so much, and every choice in a game is like writing a tiny AU of the story, so I get to do the same scenes several different ways. My ADHD-brain finds something about this extremely satisfying, most likely because it somehow feels more like multitasking! Several stories in one, and if I like two ideas, I don’t have to pick just one to write!

Honestly though, I think the most surprising part is just being done, and…that I could do this at all. It was so huge, and took so long, and I learned so much, and every day I’m just kind of going “who the hell am I?” about doing all of this. I’m proud of it. I did a cool thing. And trying to get better at saying that.

And, what are you working on now?

I always have about 8 active projects going at once (which shouldn’t come as a surprise after last question!), but my next interactive fiction game is with Tales/Fable Labs! It’s shaping up to be a Dawnfall-sized project, but a little faster-moving and action-y.

It’s called Every Beat Belongs To You, and it’s a romantic thriller that feels like Twin Peaks meets Mr. Robot, with a smattering of Repo: The Genetic Opera. A creepy Pacific Northwest town with a secret (and a rash of ritualized murders), a super-slick medical research company whose flagship product is a 100% perfect synthetic heart, a mysterious new-age group, and a sister who went missing just before discovering how it’s all connected. Also five simultaneously-dateable (including ace and aro ships!) cuties of varying genders! Who will you trust with your heart?

I’m very excited about Everybeat, which should be just as queer, polyam, exciting, and weird as all my stuff! Aside from that, I’m working on Stake Sauce Book 2, its companion f/f vampire series Death Masquerade, and Chameleon Moon Book 3. I’m not always working…sometimes there are videogames, and sleep. But I really hope to have a lot more fun things to share soon!

Oh, and depending on how this weird, fun thing goes, I do have some ideas for prequel Dawnfall stories; maybe games, maybe books, but the ideas are there. The world—worlds, really—is so huge, and I’m not done playing in it yet! I also have some character art drawn, and I want to do a lot more of them. It’s another way to show love.

So thank you so much! I really hope Dawnfall is as fun to everyone to read/play as it was for me to write. I can’t wait to share it with you!

[stratamuzak]

Interview with Voltagehawk

STRATA: What artists in particular you are drawn to (alive or deceased) that you listen to for particular moods? Such as happy/sad/contemplative/etc… Explain why you might listen to one artist for a particular mood.

CHASE AROCHA When I want to feel inspired I listen to a lot of the different projects of Mike Patton. Be it Faith No More, Mr. Bungle, Peeping Tom, or Tomahawk, the range of styles of music is so diverse that I’ve been listening for like 15 years and I haven’t gotten bored yet, haha. When I want to relax or chill, I love BadBadNotGood, an amazing jazz artist doing incredible arrangements all in a hip-hop context. It’s great! Or Ray Lynch, I really love his writing and use of counterpoint melody. Then if I’m getting hyped I put on something like Dying Fetus or Vitriol, or Maximum the Hormone. And any other time I’m blaring Kamasi Washington, Robert Glasper and Sturgill Simpson.

DAN FENTON I think a lot of the time music finds my mood. Sort of more a spiritual or cosmic connection. When I was a kid my mom would make us watch musicals if we stayed home sick from school. Jokes was on her because I hated school but I loved learning musical scores and how to write dynamic parts and movements. The fact that people like Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire, Frank Sinatra or Marlon Brand were also amazing actors only added to that unlikely education. I learned how to really feel music between that and the intense very bloody hymns we had to sing in church. I understand the sentiment but that shit is harder than a lot of black metal. “Are you washed in the blood of the lamb”. Hard core shit. Sorry, I digress. During the making of our most recent record which is called Electric Thunder and set for release later this year or early next (hard to navigate releases with all this pandemic shit) I listened exclusively to film scores, classical music and radio evangelists. I am not religious but I grew up in a preacher’s home and when I needed to get my creative push and anger at its peak, I listened to preachers who were clearly greed driven and motivated by the lust for power. It made my adrenaline rush in anger and it came out in the recording for sure. I am a huge fan of Hans Zimmer and Vangelis. Each of these artists move me in powerful ways. The juxtaposition of darkness and light both in traditional instrumentation and experimental synth based work. Just musical giants. When I am feeling frustrated about the social issues I see everyday in my East Nashville neighborhood I listen to KRS-One, Kamasi Washington, Outkast. A lot of protest music. I am in love with band IDLES from the UK. Such powerful lyrics tackling issues like the need for male vulnerability, equality for all and the  seemingly ironic brutal beat down of toxic masculinity. That band is great if you’re happy, mad, sad, whatever.

STRATA: Do you have a process you go through prior to writing, playing, and even performing?

CHASE AROCHA I do a lot of breathing exercises like the Wim Hof techniques. I have generalized anxiety disorder and I used to get horrible debilitating panic attacks, it helped me get into breathing and meditation. Anxiety will never go away but you learn ways to live with it and push through your panic. I think about how much this means to me and how long I’ve spent doing it, I try to see that I value myself as a person and then from that thinking I can just let go and play music. Only approaching it with love and not worrying about mistakes because that’s how we learn.

DAN FENTON The entire thing is one process. Like a heros journey of sorts. I listen and meditate everyday, I believe in a cosmic river of inspiration that flows from an energy that is and has always been. I believe if you listen hard enough and give yourself to the music the muse will send your mind transmissions that may only be a section of a song, or perhaps they are an entire album, but everyday I show up. A few years ago I read this book called The War Of Art, by Steven Pressfield. In this book he describes the invisible force he calls the Resistance. The Resistance may be things both “good or bad”, but they are anything that keeps you from showing up for your art. So I show up everyday, you can ask the dudes in the band, they receive a work tape maybe twice a week with new shit to try out. If I don’t feel that muse working I don’t force it, but I instead wait on further transmissions from the cosmic womb. All sounds crazy, but my story is crazy, so crazy makes the most sense. In the studio I have many processes. I found while recording vocals I perform better in complete darkness, I have realized how much I live inside my head and how active my imagination is and equally ADD my eyes are. So when I can’t see it brings to life the imagery and the passion of the song. I can see all those people I write about, all the landscapes, the love, lust, joy and pain. I also do some method stuff, keep things in my pockets pertaining to a character I may be portraying in a song. Wanna be Daniel Day Lewis shit.

STRATA: Your own current project, discuss the process your music went through as you built each layer. From beginning to the end of it. 

CHASE AROCHA This all started with our drummer Jarrad having a vision and going through trials and errors of finding the right people to execute that. Along the way Dan, Tyler, and I all came into the picture and that vision morphed into something we all felt was not even from us. Like we were an antenna receiving a signal and these riffs and lyrics quickly meshed into something I haven’t heard before. Part hard rock, part jazz, part punk and hardcore. All with this message of love and truth being the reason for living. To end the ones controlling our thoughts and dividing us or tribalism and greed. I feel like we made something worth listening to and that’s all I feel like you can really hope for.

DAN FENTON The self titled record that we have available now on all streaming platforms was two different profound stages in my life all in the making of one record. When we began, Jarrad and I partied a fuck ton, and I was descending into some serious personal shit with alcohol. It was bad, I couldn’t get through a day without way too high of a blood alcohol level. Before we finished vocals on the record, I stayed up one night working and drinking, perhaps I had never stopped from how many nights before, who fucking knows. Anyhow, I died for 9 minutes on the side porch of my house. Fully shut down, fucking dead. Mind you, I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t know how to lay off the bottle. Woke up in the ICU surrounded by my band, my wife and what few friends I had left. At that moment Voltagehawk became a complete family to me. I spent a stint in rehab (Jarrad drove me) and that was several years ago now. When I got out I went back to finish the record, make some amends and chase this thing out for real. So that was some info on the first record. The new Album which is a 13 song space odyssey named Electric Thunder, after our beloved Electric Thunder Studio owned and operated by our resident space wizard producer Geoff Piller, was not so dramatic. After I got my shit together and my mind cleared up I began to write everyday like a mad man. Song after song after song came like never before. I think we cut 15 songs out before we settled on the final 13. Our process as a band is often for myself or one of the other dudes to present a bare bones or often finished idea to the band and we run it through the Hawk Filter. The Hawk Filter is just the decomposition and reconstruction of every rough idea till it fits us. Which is silly to say because if we like, it we do it, not a matter of genre worship. Shit’s good, do it. Always do what’s best for the song.

STRATA: Can your music personally be an open door to breath and bend in the world of artistic exploration? In Other Words… how comfortable are you as an artist exploring other types of music and creating projects that might be totally  different than what you are creating now?

CHASE AROCHA There is so much great music in the world in so many styles, why shouldn’t we try to explore them all! I’m always trying something I haven’t done before, not always as a challenge, but I would hope it’s natural for people to do in art. We shouldn’t be the same people we were 2 years ago, let alone 10. I love jazz, Death Metal, and country music. If you can find a really fun and genuine way to blend those then that’s absolutely what you should do! Don’t be tied down to what kind of music you’re making and just make music.

DAN FENTON That’s all we do all day. Everything on this planet, and above it, and in it’s majestic seas and mountains, all these people of all the cultures of all the world and their energy and their culture all influence and musical inspiration is welcome. Our philosophy is never say no, and jump off the cliff, and pull yourself back up. Meaning: try all the musical options then settle on the one we believe is the most amazing. So much of our influence is from cinema and books, video games, you name it. I’ll pluck a support cable on every bridge I see ‘til I am dead just to see if it speaks to me. Sonically there are no fucking rules, and if you impose rules, fuck your rules. We love to create, to talk about creating and then to birth something new is beyond amazing.

STRATA: Are you open to change your style, genre even, and approach to how and what you create every time you enter a studio? Or do you find once you have a formula in place do you find it best to stay with what you know? Many times artists will change how they approach their songwriting and even their recording staff/producers.

CHASE AROCHA

Like I said before, I believe that you should just make music and with that should come constant experimentation. When we record we find sounds from all over the place. From children’s toy instruments, to skateboard wheels spinning to imitate rain. Our writing is kind of always evolving and changing. Dan is an amazing writer who literally has lyrics and melodies pouring out of his hands and face. Everyday he has new ideas and records and sends them to everyone. Jarrad is great at taking those riffs and making suggestions on how the structure could be of a song along with feel. I am obsessed with adding layers of guitars however I can, but I also write a lot and send tracks as well. Tyler is a tone junkie on the bass, filling in the bottom end and has such a great approach to being independent from the guitars with his lines. We send tracks back and forth to each other then we get in a room and flesh them out. The whole time in the process the songs are constantly changing and evolving into the sound we have. We are always open to change and never believe in the word No when discussing music and art. You try every idea and see what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes when one member has a vision of how a song should go and is trying to communicate that,  you should respect his idea and see it through. If it doesn’t work that’s okay, we tried!

DAN FENTON Voltagehawk is ever evolving. As it stands, we spend way too much time trying to pigeon hole what people will refer to our sound as. I don’t care what you call it as long as it moves you. I listen to everything from John Coltrane and Tom Waits to Napalm Death and Motorhead, Antonio Lucio Vivaldi to Kamasi Washington. IDLES and Bad Brains. If you refuse to evolve as an artist, experimenting, growing, trying new methods, all these elements then you cannot grow as a human being. Too many people are happy where they are, just okay, making the same music that their dads made and trying to cosplay some kind of yesteryear. We don’t do that shit, we’re us, that’s it. We grow, when you hear the Electric Thunder for the first time you will understand everything. If you burn some sage next to a photo of Carl Sagan while you listen to Electric Thunder, you will see the cosmic river in your minds eye. The world is full of people with a blockage in their brain. They cannot see that this bullshit we call a life is just a series of labor for hire gigs that leave us rapidly in the middle. We’re trying to break away from it all and follow our feathers, our truth, our search for enlightenment on our hero’s journey. I’ll leave you with this. Know Thyself.

[bangtansmutcentral]

[Please Read]

We would like to start off by apologising to our members and followers for making you have to witness this. It is in our opinion totally unnecessary, but since we’re getting these asks we need to address them.

We would like to say that whoever is sending these could have acted like an adult and contacted us privately and expressed their concerns. We were never hostile or unapproachable so we don’t understand why hide behind an anonymous ask. Either way, it is done.  

Since I (admin sue) started working on the network alone, before inviting my friends to join, I’ll be speaking for the 3 of us. 

After getting theses asks we didn’t know what to make of them, because we literally didn’t know what they were talking about, but after going to said network to see if something was going on, we saw a post, that didn’t mention any networks, talking about stealing content, not having their own ideas, taking advantage of what they’ve worked so hard to accomplish and we did NOT think it was about us, since we NEVER stole anything. But it is obvious, after getting these asks, that they are talking about us.

For what I understand, ---net, is a writers network that work and share smut content. Our network was made to gather and share ALL KINDS of posts. You can see that if you go on our application form and find the following: 

We never intended to be a writers only net. We have writers of course and it is a big part of what we share but we are definitely not a writers network and as we grow, we hope to make the net even more diverse. 

I’m from the side of tumblr that is more visual, and I saw most pages I followed close due to the policy changes on tumblr and because of that, what is left in smut is mostly writing. That is why we have more writers than other creators, but we are not a writers club or writers network. We will hopefully encourage people to get out of their comfort zone and try new things and express themselves in different ways, other than writing, while of course keeping and giving the deserved space writing has.

I’ve been blogging for 2 years now and my personal blog has over 26k followers. I’m not saying this to brag, that is definitely the last thing I want to do, but I want to show you that I’m not after a following or attention at any cost. Of course we want to see whatever we create succeeding, but we’re not in this to steal anything from anyone, generate hate or compete.

The network was made because I wanted a new project that would bring all smut content to one place. I miss having this diversity of content on my feed and wanted to create something I would enjoy as well as help other people come together since nowadays it’s harder to do that here. Plus, having my friends join me on this made it a very special and fun idea. 

We never owned any networks, or were a part of them in any way. My page for example is more visual contente than written, so I didn’t even know of these writers networks. To see how this is true, I went on my blog and asked smut creators to get in touch with me for a new project, then searched for some smut blogs and messaged them one by one asking if they would be up for a net because I didn’t even know if anyone would be interested, let alone, think that there was already one! Even though we know all the networks for sharing pics and gifs, smut networks were something we never knew existed (and now, seeing that they do exist, I think that there is space for all of us, in our own way). Here is how I went about it:

I even messaged one of the ----net admins, as a creator (without knowing that she had a net), asking if she wanted to join us, and that’s when we found out they existed! She even told us that they already used ‘---’ and I apologised and changed our visual identity completely so there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings. I changed our #, header, icon, everything. I just didn’t change the name because we would have to create a blog from scratch and we already had started promoting the page everywhere. The name was created randomly, if we knew there was a net with a similar name of course we would want something completely different because we don’t need to feed off of other blogs success or image. We are just not that kind of people. We want to start small and slowly learn about our members, our followers and what content is best and how to navigate the net. At the time I didn’t even give it much importance since it was just a name… for me personally it wasn’t something worthy of a fight. But apologised and changed everything else as soon as I could. Is that me being unfriendly and rude? Is that the behaviour of someone that wants to steal something from anyone? ‘

When I started setting up the blog (after changing the items), I din’t know the first thing about a net, or anyone that I could ask about it, so I just went around all networks I could find (---net included) to see how a network works basically. I found out that the rules are basically the same, the application forms as well and the aim of all of them is to share creators content. We didn’t think we were stealing anything by making similar rules to everyone. I personally wouldn’t mind if someone took inspiration from my page or even copy-pasted word by word of my rules pages for ex. For me, it is not stealing content, it’s just rules... I wouldn’t mind at all, but of course that is personal. 

The 3 of us are finishing our masters degree, so we see tumblr as a hobby. We have the utmost respect for everyone and everyone’s work but it is just our hobby. One of us is in her exam period, the other finishing her thesis, I’m having my mom over for summer so we wouldn’t have time to keep the blog running if we didn’t queue posts, and since we’re 3 admins, 3 posts are ideal (one for each) and of course alphabetically through our members because that’s common sense.

This was mostly so in this busy month the blog wouldn’t die. We didn’t think that that would cause such a problem.  If this net is really talking about us, they could have reached us and talked to us in private without causing such a commotion. We were never hostile to anyone, never offended anyone in anyway so we don’t understand why they did things the way they did, but then again we are all different people. If what bothers you anon, (and assuming you’re associated with the net some way) is that our acceptance post has similar rules (because that’s the only thing we’ve put out so far, so you must be talking about that… we’re a few days old… we literally have done nothing yet), you could have reached us and said so and we would have gladly changed it. It would however remain very similar, since we share mostly the same kind of content and every network has pretty much the same acceptance rules. Also a members page, a navi page, a tag system.. how did we copy you on that? That’s how all the networks I saw work! And how did all nets start? Didn’t they start by looking at other nets to see how this ’network thing’ works and basically start the same as them, since the rules are all the same, and then find their own place and change things over time? Someone said that it is disheartening to see others gain from what they’ve worked hard to create. What have we gained? How have we used their creations to gain anything? Because we’re queuing posts? We can change the way we worded that, but we will keep queuing from our members because we don’t have time at the moment to keep the blog going otherwise.

The disclaimers are similar? But of course they are! We hope people have common sense but some things are triggering and must be advised against. I myself for example, have some triggers that I don’t want in my net!

We really don’t believe that this is aimed at us, it really can’t be, because we have an acceptance post out so far and nothing else. The rest is just the normal things every net has as I said before, so if this is all a misunderstanding and since no one from the net reached us, we would like to apologise if their post was directed at someone else.

Lastly I’d like to say a few things:

We wanted a page with a variety of content, a variety of individuals, have thought of ways to encourage visual creativity and fun stuff to do in the future. We wanted to create a feed that we missed having. We just wanted to have fun and meet new people. 

We find this absolutely unnecessary. People have better things to do than to be reading these long arguments. We are a small page that wanted to do something for us and for the people that choose to follow us. Most importantly, we didn’t mean any harm. We can see that ---net has a very beautiful page and I’m sure full of talented people and it was NEVER out intention to copy or disrespect anyone. As I said before we are not a writers club so we won’t be as similar as it might seem. We are as similar as all networks within the same genre are. 

We think that if this was aimed at us, it could have been dealt with privately. We are not animals that can’t be talked to, we were and always will be open to learn and grow with everyone and apologise if we hurt anyone even if not intentionally. But since it started publicly and without us even knowing, and now getting all this hate, it’s only fitting that it ends publicly as well. We will not be addressing this anymore. We are only a few days old but already cherish our members and followers very much. With that being said, if you are a member of ---net and feel like you shouldn’t follow us or be a member, for believing that we did something we didn’t do, you are free to leave us. Though it pains us, we understand that trust is earned and being with a net for so long and then seeing these accusations, you can only think the worst of us, so we won’t make it hard or awkward for you if you want to leave. I actually considered deleting the network because this is causing way too much anxiety that I personally don’t need in my life right now, but my dear friends and admins here talked me out of it because we didn’t do anything wrong. Through all theses years here, I NEVER disrespected anyone, my page was NEVER involved in anything bad and we only spread love, positivity and have fun, so thinking that someone can think such bad things of me is almost unbearable. 

ps. English is only my 3rd language so please excuse any mistakes such a long post might contain.

Admin sue

In name of Bangtan Smut Central Netwok.

[aterryben]

20 Things To Look Forward to If You're Turning 60 in 2020

Milestone birthdays are often emotional: It's plunging into unknown territory while not a roadmap. however, if you are turning sixty in 2020, you've got heaps to seem forward to—some of that you'll have unreal of for years or maybe decades (hello, fully grown youngsters and retirement on the horizon), and different edges you may not even have thought-about nevertheless. therefore congratulations on your birthday, as a result of it's close to getting terribly, very good.

Here area unit twenty things to seem forward to if you are turning sixty in 2020, from people World Health Organization area unit already living it… and lovesome it.

1You've already raised your children, therefore currently you'll target you.

After decades of packing lunches, carpooling, and paying attention to backseat quarrel, your 60s tend to be the parent stage of life. And in any case that tough work raising your children and seeing the superb individuals they've become, this new decade could be a time to target yourself. "I have worked arduous therefore everybody else may have their best life and currently it's my time," says LSMB Business Solutions' Linda Murray Bullard, World Health Organization simply turned sixty. "With the kids all fully grown, and a few with youngsters of their own, I will do what is best on behalf of me."

Absolute Pilates Upstairs owner Conni Ponturo says it is also an excellent age to pay time with those very little ones in your life while the not constant level of responsibility. "[We can] get pleasure from the younger generations as a result of we tend to area unit less stressed regarding raising children," she says. "We will take a step back and see our grandchildren or youngsters normally with way more patience."

2You will reinvent yourself professionally, or finally retire.

When you are sixty, there aren't any rules on what step your career path should take next: you'll either like better to head toward retirement, dig deeper in your role, or maybe pivot in an associate degree altogether new direction.

"I have learned regarding things I ne'er knew I might get to grasp," says Elizabeth inexperienced, the owner of NYC's sea bird restaurant—which she bought and opened once age sixty. "The ride has been exciting, stressful, and empowering. All of those feelings strike a chord in me that I'm still packed with life, and also the potentialities area unit endless."

3You intrepidly own your body image.

Whether you select to age naturally or with cosmetic enhancements is absolutely up to you, and there are no wrong thanks to mate. "Hot yoga keeps American state work," says fitness professional Susan Gold, World Health Organization turns sixty in 2020. "I've not done an issue to medically alter my body. I even have no intention of doing therefore as I would like to understand the World Health Organization I'm as I age."

4You've attained power and authority.

At 60, you recognize you do not want permission to raise what you want—and you recognize the way to establish a commanding position to induce it. "I will approach any state of affairs from a sense of power and authority," says 61-year-old professional person and eudaimonia professional Henry M. Robert S. Herbst. "I am the right age to induce respect, however not therefore frail that I'm seen as a weak, old man. tie-up, I'm going to sit down with the cop. airdrome delay, I speak to the gate agent. Family sickness, speak with the doctor. With polite confidence, I will get data and results."

5You create your own rules.

What does one need to do once you flip 60? Well, no matter what you would like. "I dress in what I like—there's no age-appropriate apparel," inexperienced says of her life currently. "All the foundations that I either poor or let guide American state [no longer] apply."

6You're during a nice position to be a mentor.

When you reach sixty, you've got learned lots of lessons from expertise, and your hard-won knowledge is often golden for individuals whose future you care regarding.

"I do not very care regarding impressing others to induce ahead, as I already think about myself having arrived," says Ponturo. "I see myself currently as additional of the mentor than the mentee, though I do not suppose one ever stops learning."

Louise Sattler, the digital deviser for Silver Influencer Travel, adds, "Mentoring younger individuals could be a gift that we will share—helping younger individuals rise to their potential."

7You acumen to ride the waves.

In your younger years, you may have felt derailed by life's inevitable challenges, however, once you reach sixty, you've got navigated enough of them to be more leisurely with the method. And you recognize from expertise that powerful days inevitably subside to raised ones.

"Many folks area unit warriors," Sattler notes. "We have survived powerful elements of life—including, in my case, cancer."

Ponturo adds, "Hindsight is our friend currently. we will see the ups and downs of life way more. we all know even once times area unit troublesome, they will rise once more as a result of we tend to perceive the ebb and flow of our life."

8You relax your inhibitions.

If you were consumed in earlier decades with pleasing people and orthodox to expected norms, sixty could want a very liberating chance of leaving behind all of that.

"It's a tragic truth that for a few individuals it will take this long to induce comfy in their skins, however, there is one thing to be aforesaid for sixty being the start of the new you," says Caleb Backe, certified life coach and private trainer for Maple Holistics. "Your accumulated life expertise has instructed you that you just will hold onto what is necessary and peacefully leaving behind of the remainder. this suggests quiet your inhibitions, finally learning to like yourself, and acceptive yourself for World Health Organization you are—regardless of what others say or suppose."

9You have longer, and you maximize it.

Less responsibility for packing faculty lunches and speeding around to regular activities currently means that additional of it slow is your own again—and you've got a substantive perspective on what that means that.

"You've spent your life operating arduous, which implies that [at 60] you finally get to maximize all that point you ne'er had," Backe says. "Find one thing that you are addicted to however ne'er found time for and select it. you may be feeling like time is suddenly additional precious than it once was, that is that the excellent reason to start out increasing it. whether or not that is seeing the globe, discovering a replacement hobby, or going back to high school, turning sixty could be a friendly reminder to take a position in it slow."

10You can be having the simplest sex of your life.

Did you ever suppose you may have the simplest sex of your life once 60? Believe it. And there area unit heaps of reasons why it makes excellent sense. "You do not have to fret regarding obtaining pregnant, and sex is often fun and liberating," Ponturo says. "If we've been could be a long wedding, there's a respect, deep love, friendship, and deep caring, and sexual freedom for each other."

11You acumen to mention no.

Acquiescing to everybody's requests and expectations is exhausting, and it is often lots unsuccessful. But by 60, you've got learned to let heaps of that go, and it's liberating.

"No one will tell American state what to try and do," notes Nunzio Ross, co-owner of splendor low. "Do I would like to travel to a celebration with constant recent people? No. If I would like to go away early from an event, I will. I do not get forced into a picture show that I don't desire to examine. I am not about to drink simply because of people's area unit drinking. language no is much easier."

12And you do not care what individuals suppose.

Saying no is additionally easier once you've got learned, finally, that your wants need to take priority. At 60, you may finally have stopped caring what people place confidence in your selections, and area unit comfy swing yourself 1st without concern regarding their judgment.

"I say what I would like without worrying about others' opinions," Ross adds. "I have additional freedom to try and do some wacky, even freaky, activities. the concern of being embarrassed has almost nonexistent. I am additional friendly, sit down with individuals additional, have additional interaction and delight with others, while not rehearsing what I am about to say."

13You place less pressure on yourself.

Just as you care less currently regarding what others suppose, you may realize sixty is once you stop feeling pressure from yourself, too. "You area unit additional relaxed in your life and also the pressure to form stuff happen is not there," Ponturo says. "But attributable to that ease in your life, you're to some extent wherever you'll flip your ideas into reality."

14And you are kinder to yourself.

Past 60, you may realize you've got relieved informed such a lot of negative self-talk from years before. Ponturo appreciates the area during this era to "talk regarding our bodies amorously, kindness, and respect. Use solely empowering words to talk regarding yourself."

15You take pleasure in the feeling.

Gratitude is also millennials' favorite nonsensicality, however, it isn't perpetually straightforward to embrace in observe once you are younger. By 60, you may realize experiencing feeling simply comes additional naturally, without having to line aside time, or a journal, for dedicated observe.

"The smartest thing regarding turning sixty is that my soul is full and shining and that I feel grateful for all that I even have been blessed to accomplish in life," says author Bracha Goetz. "I do not feel driven to induce heaps additional done, therefore currently I will appreciate singular moments, pause throughout the day, and whereas still in physiological state, target active feeling."

16You notice it is a nice time to induce work.

No, there is completely no reason why you ought to hand over on your body once sixty. It's going to be the right time to induce within the best form of your life. "Modern advances in health and fitness means that being 60-plus could be a nice time to induce slim, get fit, and obtain a replacement lease of life," says health and eudaimonia coach Richard Strauss. "I did it at sixty-four, and I am fitter and in higher form than after I was in my 30s. Sixty are often the new time to reinvent yourself."

17You acknowledge aging could be a privilege.

Platitudes aside, aging is often mortifying and even shuddery, of course. however, what is the alternative? By sixty, you appreciate the prospect to stay enjoying life—never mind the aches and pains. "I love my 60s as a result of the choice isn't lost on American state," Ponturo says. "I hold dear my health and my well-being through movement and meditation. I take daily and realize the thrill in daily moments."

18You've developed deep friendships, and you appreciate them.

At this stage, you may be lucky to own friends World Health Organization have stood by you for many years, demonstrating their love and loyalty over and over. and that is an unbelievable privilege, one you do not possible see granted at sixty. "Our friendships area unit deeper and richer attributable to time," Ponturo says.

19You do not concern failure.

Ross describes a sense of freedom to fail that he did not expertise in his younger days. "My perspective towards success and failure has shifted," he says. "Try one thing new and fail—so what? does not get to the American state adore it accustomed. [I have the] freedom to undertake new things while not the concern of consequences."

20You will create sixty no matter what you would like it to be.

When you flip sixty, you recognize that expectations for your age group—or any age group—are very simply senseless constructs. it is time for you to do one, and embrace it!

"Stop sporting chinos and boat shoes: you've got no written agreement obligation to become your father," says 60-year-old Dwayne J. Clark, co-founder, and chief operating officer of the Aegis Living aided living communities. "Don't fall prey to what you think that aging is meant to be."

[hollowedrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, CAISEY! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Amos Diggory. It’s no secret how much I love Amos. I adapted him from a version of him I wrote myself, and I’m so so excited to see someone take him on in a way that does his character such justice. Originally, I never saw him as a Slytherin, but you wrote him in such a way that it makes sense. He’s manipulative and deceptive, not in a malicious way, but for his own survival. I can’t wait to see how you have him interact with the other characters. 

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

ooc. 

Name: caisey

age: 27

preferred pronouns: she/her

timezone: est

activity: I’m between jobs rn so like, I have a lot of time while I search for a new job.

are you applying for more than one character?: I’m applying for my second character

how do you feel about your character dying?: “please let him die” “don’t kill my sweet Amos, he’s too good for this world” “but that’s why he has to die!” -the argument that’s been going on in my head. If Amos dies, I’ll love the angst; if he lives, I’ll love the angst.

anything else?: nothing else!

ic details.

full name: Amos Noor Kiran Diggory

Paper #1: Amos Kiran Patel. His birth name.

Amos is from the Hebrew amas, meaning load or burden. There is a Hebrew prophet of the name.

Kiran is from Kirana, his mother’s name. Kirana is a Sanskrit word meaning dust, thread, or sunbeam.

Later, he takes the name Noor, Arabic for light, though he picks it because it is like Nora--not the woman who birthed him, but the one who raised him. He is named for his mothers; their names live in his.

He adds Noor when he adds Diggory, and the day they sign the papers officially, Nora--Mum--hugs his head to her chest and cries.

date of birth: November 15, 1953. Because his eleventh birthday fell just after the deadline for first year students, he began Hogwarts a year older than most of his classmates.

former hogwarts house: Slytherin. 

Nora was taken aback when he wrote home about it, though she hid it well. She expected Ravenclaw, perhaps Hufflepuff--she, for what it was worth, had been a Ravenclaw in her day, and she had been reasonably confident Amos fit that mold as well. The Hat saw several things in Amos, however, that nobody else did: first, that he had arrived at Hogwarts without any preconceived notions of house meanings, and thus donning green meant nothing different to him than donning red or yellow or blue. Second, that Amos was a people-pleaser, one so desperate for approval that he was a master manipulator, able to convince nearly anyone that he was exactly what they approved of. Third, that Amos was insecure and his soul still malleable, and in any other house he would become something insufferable: he would absorb all the worst qualities of any group of children who didn’t accept him for something unconditional. For better or for worse, acceptance due to blood purity was only guaranteed in Slytherin, and for all the mystery of his background, the Diggory name was a soft assurance of his bloodline (paper #2: he is a halfblood. His mother recommends he keep that information to himself). Only in Slytherin would Amos be able to find friends regardless of how he acted, and thus only in Slytherin would he be able to explore an independent personality. Besides, the Hat mused silently to itself, the boy could do worse than to land in a house that frequently taught its members excellent leadership skills.

sexuality: bisexual/biromantic (graysexual)

gender/pronouns: cis male, he/him

face claim change: nope!

more. 

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths. 

Positive: gentle, eager to please, open-minded

Negative: credulous, indecisive, manipulative

He wanted, so badly, to be loved and accepted. He was a child, little more than a toddler, when his entire life changed. After days of being trapped inside with the unmoving, slowly decomposing body of his father, he had enough trauma to last a while. He barely spoke his first two months in the orphanage. Yet young Amos still tried to please everyone, to anticipate their needs and understand what they wanted of him. He clung to hands, leaned on legs, sat in laps and clutched at his stuffed bunny, tried to say what they wanted him to say and do what they wanted him to do. They wanted him to recover from his trauma, so he did, or at least pretended to--they wanted him to be winsome and sweet, obedient, and so he was. By the time he reached Nora, Amos had perfected his innocent smile and followed every rule set for him, even the ones that didn’t make sense at the time. It gave him something to focus on in the floating, chaotic milieu of his life.

Eventually, he grew adept at it--learning what they wanted, convincing them he was that. He could read between the lines and interpret body language. Mold himself to fit the expectations, or mold the expectations to fit him. He helped his friends study for exams, sneak into the kitchens, successfully navigate crushes, playing any role they needed in their lives, until he knew them so well he could coast on the goodwill he’d built up. The persona he’d convinced them existed didn’t require much maintenance after it was established. He could be anything and everything, as long as it made people like him.

And it worked. People liked him, even the ones who hated Slytherins on principle. Even the ones who were raised by pureblood supremacists and were suspicious when he couldn’t confirm his blood status. But because they liked him, he liked them, and Amos was a trusting sort of fellow. He wouldn’t call himself gullible, but he often subscribed to the law of parsimony: the simplest answer is probably the right one, and he used it most frequently to avoid getting in a debate or argument. It was simpler to believe what his friends told him, vague explanations for their odd behavior and disappearances, hidden tattoos they all acquired around the same time, rather than question it and risk a fight--or, worse, uncomfortable realizations about the people he’d gotten himself mixed up with. The best way to be accepted, Amos has learned, is to make people think you’ll agree with anything they say. Do that long enough, and you actually start to agree with them.

He hasn’t outgrown that credulousness, though; his friends are just different now. All he has learned is suspicion and doubt. He used to believe that he could at least trust those he loved, his friends, his found family, but he’s coming to terms with the fact that he cannot--look at where trusting got him. Being played for a fool, constantly, by everyone around him. Could he have done something to stop it? Should he have done something? Would he have made a difference? Amos is paralyzed by this uncertainty, and he covers it up by raising his voice, echoing those around him who seem the most sure of themselves. He’s trying a new track: trying to force himself to believe in something as vociferously as he can act like he does. Maybe, if he forces it on himself, he will, eventually, believe it.

It’s all he has, really: words. He does his best at his job, but he doesn’t think of it as anything benefiting the Order much, besides just being in the Ministry. One could make an argument for his friendships with now-Death Eaters, but honestly Amos doesn’t keep in touch with them as much as he used to. He’s too soft for what this war is demanding of him, and he knows it but tries to ignore it. When Moody asked him what fighting experience he had, he choked on his incredulous laughter. Is this what they expect of me? he wondered. He doesn’t know how to be a fighter. Nora Diggory didn’t raise a warrior. She unlocked the secret passion within a broken boy, taught him to channel his energies into those soft beautiful broken things he could fix--plants and pets, animals, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures--she taught him to express himself through art and appreciate the curiosities in life. Amos is a gentle boy fighting an unwinnable war, parroting the words of others and covering up the desperation in his eyes while he speaks them.

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise? 

He’s ashamed to admit that he’s comfortable living in ignorance. The kind of person who’ll laugh awkwardly when his friends make jokes about Muggleborns, but never contradict them. Why rock the boat, Amos figured; even if he didn’t agree with everything they said, there was no point in arguing about it. He kept his head down, focused on his work, brushed off invitations to political rallies from all his friends, regardless of their ideological leanings. It was better, he decided, to not engage in those kinds of conversations. He was terrified of change--all he ever wanted was to fit in--so it was easier to turn a blind eye to the changes going on around him if it meant diminished conflict.

By the time he was ready to question it, most of his friends had picked a side, and those he hadn’t convinced of his neutrality believed he was siding with their opposition. The Death Eaters seemed to have forgotten to recruit him, and the Order had written him off as a pureblood supremacist lite for his inaction. Nobody answered his letters when he wrote for help. For clarification. For someone, please, to explain to him what was going on, whether this war was serious or not. Only Alice replied.

He joined because of the massacre. He’d been on the fence before that, torn between options, wondering if it was better to pack up and run while he was still alive. The massacre happened, and he realized: he had nowhere to run to. All his friends were already here, standing on one side of the war or another, but nevertheless here. His childhood friends were killing his current ones--he couldn’t pretend not to see it anymore. The questions were pressing in, the worry, wondering what darkness his old friends were mired in. Wondering why he trusted them. His mouth went dry when Alice showed him the list of confirmed Death Eaters: he’d played Gobstones with those boys. He knew those names. How, he wondered, had this happened to them?

He’s been doubting himself, doubting everything he knew, since the day he joined the Order. Feeling responsible for so much, not because he had been involved but because he hadn’t been. He’d ignored so much in favor of personal comfort, kept his slate clean, thought he was keeping his conscience clean at the same time. Well, it turns out when you pretend not to notice that your friends are all slipping into fanatical blood supremacy, your conscience bears the weight of all their crimes.

He’s a coward with a hero’s mouth. He joined the Order with the knowledge that they didn’t want who he was, quiet man of the bureaucracy, grasping his friendships as they slipped through his fingers. They wanted people with voices who carried, like Amelia Bones, people who faced death with strength and dignity, like James and Lily Potter. Fighters like Alastor Moody. Spies like Arabella Figg. Name after name, all better than him, all with more to give, more to believe in. All he has to offer is his role in the Ministry and his knowledge of the people who make up the Death Eaters now. Everything else is bluster.

where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric’s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? Why?

So much of him wishes he could side with those who want to hide. That’s where his instincts lie, after all. Hiding and keeping his eyes down. Ignoring the war raging around him. Anything to make the discomfort go away, anything to dispel the wrenching in his chest, the guilt and suspicion that he could have done something if he’d acted earlier.

But he can’t be his old self here. As far as emotional trauma goes, his is mild compared to everyone else. His mother died peacefully of old age when the war was barely a glimmer, when the tattoos were still fresh on the arms of his old playmates. They attended her funeral, for Merlin’s sake. They along with the Order members when the phoenix was still a fledgling. Back when Amos still straddled the line, a foot on either side of the stream, when being divided just meant balancing the sensitivities of your friends, before murder became a viable option.

So he tries to be a better version of himself. For them--the Order. He argues with those who want to fight, because he honestly thinks that’s the right thing to do--even if he feels like it’s not. Inaction terrifies him, right now.

Amos kept his ties to pureblood society longer than anyone else who was once associated with them. Does he feel guilty for this? Has the Order treated him any differently because of it?

Oh, so guilty, so so guilty. Guilty that his fond childhood memories are all about men and women who helped kill the friends and family of the ones he loves now. Knowing for a fact that, if he had been allowed to accompany the Order for the Malfoy Manor raid, he would have broken down at the sight of all his old friends. They don’t trust him and he doesn’t blame them--he knows he wilfully ignored signs of horrible things. He doesn’t know if he could have done anything to stop them, not without getting killed himself, but he knows he saw it happening and did nothing to stop it. At least that’s how many in the Order see it. He tries to pretend that there’s no reasonable way he could have realized what was going on, but anyone with a brain can see that the clues were there. He suspects at least one person believes he’s a spy for the Order. They think he’s either incredibly stupid--stupid enough to be friends with Death Eaters and not sever that friendship when the horrors started hitting the news--or far too smart and hiding something from them. It’s made Amos nervous to be in Godric’s Hollow, even though he’s one of the ones allowed to come and go as needed.

He doesn’t trust the Order as much as he’d like to, and they don’t trust him, except for maybe Alice. He wants to prove himself and make up for all the bad things he ignored, but he’s not sure how to do it.

extras.

Pinterest: https://pin.it/r6eylc4pplnz6d

Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYJYtzrTjb2YkRmqG8BK7TxvC6_PFRn81

relationships.

Alice Longbottom: He’s been in love with her so long it’s ceased being something he feels consciously. Amos had never been the type to desire someone, his love always preferring to settle into something background, but he also has never loved anyone as long as he’s loved Alice. He was around sixteen when he realized what he was feeling, how the love for her had gradually crept up in her peripherals for years now. By then, it was too late: anyone could see that she and Frank were made for each other. So he settled into the background and his love for her became the white noise that enveloped his thoughts of her. Amos was comfortable with that: he could manage his own feelings. He loves her, and that means he’ll never do anything to hurt her.

Alastor Moody: The man terrifies him, but Amos wants to earn his respect more than pretty much anything right now. He wants Moody to believe in him, because that’ll go a long way in convincing the rest of the Order to believe in him, too.

[ujimaarc]

"My king looks so very tired. It makes one wonder why he is not still asleep as he should be? The sun is hours from rising, love. Return to our bed?"

Science is T’Challa’s general weapon to doggedly question truths beyond his mortal coil. Almost akin to being exposed to a child’s metaphysical imagination, one would want to try to have their wonderment quelled with comprehensible justifications. Opulent Okoume trees circled a lake that seems to have millions of crushed diamonds captured across the surface. The sky was infinitely darker than the preceding noon in the frame of a goddess over red-and-green Wakandan cotton.

The very same frame that had taken the Panther chieftain’s corporeal picture and entangled him in her statuesque dimensions. Above, the stars mapped out the physique of those that took the Great Cat mantle before him versus their usual random spread.

The cat of worship never failed at bringing a mythical challenge to her avatar, much to his chagrin. Failing at entertaining herself by making him uneasy with his understanding of her supernatural naturality is a reality she’ll embrace whenever he chooses to allow it to come.

Through the surreal mist, gold eyes belonging to a twelve foot anthropomorphic bats in the interest of the direction where her nude king sat with company. In a circle made up of a litter of sleeping panther cubs, T'Challa’s amber eyes break from their adoration for the revered creatures and to the one he honored with every breath-take and choice he made towards the betterment of his country.

Time—as she can tell—as she already knew—brought about a welcomed change in T’Challa’s demeanor. Bast is accustomed to noticing his powerful muscles tensing in discomfort and the subtle shifts his jaws do when she spontaneously arranges for them to have their little talks. In this meeting, his composition is the warm radiance of a warrior that unearthed the greatest feeling he’ll ever know ( this time, he would have no qualms with his feline pantheon whisking him off without warning—and this she knew. This is why she sought him at his most vulnerable ).

Whilst entwined in a web of worship in the form of a storm held together by a solid sensuous darkness of her champion’s sinews, Bast patiently waited to converse until the flirtatious kisses ended; until desires to tame an insatiable animalistic hunger stilled; until pillow talk with respect to their longing for this intimate reciprocity ended in amber cat-eyes and oceanic eyes consumed with one another came down into a contented slumber.

“ I am happy for you, my son.” Her tone is thick-accented, flowing strong and finer than her people’s wine. “ I have conversed with your predecessor about the affairs of his heir’s heart—Wakanda’s Queen. Your father had been impregnated with the thought that you had foolishly deprived yourself of having and more importantly keeping romantic love in his life. I trust my champion is aware that T’Chaka wasn’t alone in the belief that his son had gone mad. ” The panther’s smile gives a slight peek into a maw full of imposing fangs. A maw that gradually assumes the full pink lips to her human design of an alluring midnight black woman. 

She kneels outside the cub circle and reaches over to caress her avatar’s cheek. Her palm’s warmth is comparable to how Queen Mother touched him. Her earthly musk intoxicated his senses and almost stirred him away from caring about the purpose of this unexpected meeting. Mention of his father concerns and the thought of Ororo snuggled against his form back in the real world necessitated his focus on the conversation.

“ There was a Burundian proverb that haunted my mind ever since I made the contumelious decision to break the greatest woman this world has led me to know. “Where there is love, there is no darkness.” ” Without needing to delve into the darkness that kept him engulfed ( for Bast has always known her champion’s trials and tribulations and will continue to know until his time is up and he is to join his ancestors ), he goes on to gently whisper,  “ The fault lies in no one but myself for influencing that impression. Embarrassingly enough, It took me longer than it should have to make, as they say, heads-and-tails, of my feelings and what was ultimately the right course of action to take. ”

“ —And after you finally followed your heart, you’re here,” Bast perceived. “ Now that you are, a part of you is in disbelief, virtually unable to comprehend that it’s a reality that the Wind Rider has given you the privilege of having her heart once more and that you two share the same bed once again. ” She fills their surroundings with syrupy laughter then. In ways, he is not the mid-thirty-year-old king of an unconquerable land, but a boy still learning about the ways of the world around. A fault not on him, for he is a mortal dealing with extraordinary mortal hardships, but an amusing one to observe nonetheless. “ Unlike the past chieftains of the Panther clan, you’re criminally harder on yourself—more than most your enemies. ”

It’s a truth she hasn’t admitted to him yet, but But bast enjoyed watching her representative put the elephantine puzzle pieces of his life together. Each piece that connected created a powerful layer that formed around the undying legend of the Great T’Challa, for as long as this Earth is never obliterated. It was only recently that he solidified that belief when he sought reconciliation with the herald of mutant-kind and won her over again.

T’Challa paused, became reflective—of his royal status and of Ororo. They came a long way. They were going a long way. He was able to be confident in that. She made that possible. He would like to call it… Kismit.

                                                  Flashing back…

Just yesterday night, the sliver of placid pine that underlines her sultry voice enticed him to join her in a dance that commands the attention of every Wakandan in attendance. Like a curious little boy, he only wished to shy amongst the audience and bare witness to the full sight of her curves in motion. To watch the entranced faces of those in the Royal Palace admire and appreciate she who ruled their king’s heart work her art form in a way they have never seen before. 

Her two identities—Kenyan and African-American—mixed with her own unnamed flavor delivered mysticism by her lonely, but she wanted to be joined—needed to be joined. By him. By the man that yearned for her to be back, by his side, as his love. She set her sights on him and merrily navigated her hypnotic rhythm his way, and pulled him to be united under the spotlight without resistance. How could he resist? Even his ancestor, Hu’Nahn The Defiant could understand his lovestruck successor’s fall. 

Their smiles were pliant to each other’s preciously-powered, cosmo-imbued propinquity. The luxurious world around them was lost, the two stepped in an enchanting rhythm, with each step building up a new universe around them. Having their fingers interlocked like they were put him in a bind of childish need and discipline. She spins like a miniature tornado ( one she free willingly allows him to have control of ) and his arm around her lower-back prevents her fall from his grace. There they found their eyes lost in their respective vibrantly-hued depths like children experiencing the cliche “love at first sight”, and wealthy fits of laughter would soon follow. She complimented his reaction time, then hit him with a threat that no one else could hear: if he had missed his cue and missed catching her, he would be in for a miserable night and none, not even his Dora Milaje would be able to save his hide.

His Highness made her aware that he has indeed been catching every cue tonight and how he intends on properly responding when their space is their own. 

( How can he who possesses the natural instinct of man, the uncanny senses of the panther, and the stubborn bull-like focus miss any of Storm’s venereal transmitted signals? From the blatant flirting to the way she talks to him in codes in front of others, the few chances she stole to whisper when others were out of earshot, and the little signs of impatience she showed, wanting the night to reach its end. )

Twenty minutes later T’Challa delivered a timeline of messy garbs ( some that’ll need to be rethreaded, others pulled off as gentlemanly and womanly possible under carnal influences ) reverential touches and kisses, and the unplanned one-on-one session taking place currently in the spirit plane.

“ I’m merely a king and a man that’s mused by all the blessings his love has given him. ” He finally said, commitment clear in his voice. “ I am the opposite of afraid: with an inquisitive mind, I can’t help but wonder about the channels that I can take to keep things the way they are going—I am purely enthusiastic about our new journey. ”

All of what he says please Bast. It is good to hear him speak confidently again and understanding that’s retreating his brooding phase. This was quality that will keep her fed—for now. “ Very well. You present no reason for me to doubt your words, my Black Panther. It is her first day back and the reception on her return has gone exceedingly well. After all that you two have done for the world, you both deserve to have your own semblance of happiness.” Her visage became faint in an expanding mist, along with her voice as if was quickly retreating into another plane that’s making it impossible for him to be near. “ May you and Wakanda’s future Queen prosper for a long to come. We will have a chat again. Your woman is awake. ”

When T’Challa opens his eyes, he finds himself in a position that he wasn’t in prior ( as previously mentioned, he was in Ororo’s arms. Plane-walking? ): he was standing in front of his window, posture struck militantly, with his hands cuffed just above his tailbone. A sweet, husky voice broke his amber-hues from their attention on the moon and the stars above to the dark-skin beaut regarding him in confusion from behind him in his—their—bed. His conversation with Bast is pushed at the back of his mind, as he saunters over to their bedside. “ Apologies, my love. ” Our king sat down on the edge, reached over to have his thumb stroke her defined cheekbone, and touched her full lips affectionately “ I have been thinking about giving you a personal taste of home for breakfast: for starters, how does Mandazi sound to you? Coconut milk, cardamom, and coconut are the main ingredients for that, correct? ”

@fierceststorm