#sometimes friendships can just make everything better
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
tooturtly · 1 day ago
Text
Just so ppl know it does get better! I didn’t really have friends from ages 13-18, and even before then I always felt a little different (gay and neurodivergent). And yeah, it sucked. I thought I was doing everything right. I talked to people in class, I did extracurriculars, I was involved. But nobody was texting me unless it was about something school related. I wasn’t invited to anybody’s house. Twice the people I ate lunch with made homecoming plans but never invited me, I just showed up bc of how much they talked about it.
It finally took seeing the group of people I thought were my friends really overtly reject an openly neurodivergent guy from the friend group. Why? Because he talked too much, he was too sincere. It wasn’t any fault of his own. When I hung out with him in a smaller group, I had a blast. And I realized it wasn’t his fault or mine, but the people who I didn’t even like that much who were pushing me away. They were doing the same thing to both of us, and I should be pissed about it! (I still am, even know people change, it was still a shitty thing to do)
My senior year I finally put myself first and realized that having bad friends was worse than being alone. And I might as well be alone on my terms. I went to homecoming and prom by myself, I wore my own weird clothes and danced by myself just to have fun. I realized that going with those people had made me have less fun, because they hardly wanted to dance to the music if they didn’t know the song. I decided I was going to have fun and be my own person.
The only people I had who were friends were the older people at the game shop I went to. They were kind and patient with me when I didn’t know all the rules, and I’ve since lost touch with them but everyday I’m thankful that I had them in my life. Thank you for taking care of this weird teenager who was too loud and too pushy, and who you guided anyway! Thank you for humoring me!
And then I did find lasting friends. I graduated high school and found a group of amazing, nerdy, goofy people who I clicked with. We play D&D together, we eat together often, we share our stories, we talk and we laugh, we have inside jokes.
As I’ve gotten older I know I still have those moments. Even with my closest friends, I have doubts and anxieties about if they actually like me, if I’m a good and kind enough person to be able to sustain a friendship. Sometimes I think maybe I’m better off alone, because then any hurt I cause will only be me. I’ve never had friends before, I don’t know anything! Sometimes I think I’m too full of hurt to do anything but hurt. But I don’t trust those thoughts! My brain lies to me all the time! Those terrible twisted feelings never come from me, they come from a me that doesn’t know anything but pain and sorrow. I’m an entirely different person when the depression hits, and I’ve learned enough not to trust how I feel in those moments.
I know that I’m trying and my friends know it too. I’m not purposefully mean, I make amends when I make mistakes, which is all you can do because everyone makes mistakes. And I think about how much sadder my life would be without my support network. I would be miserable! Yeah I can do it alone, but I don’t want to! Doing it alone sucks! I love my friends! I don’t want to let them go, and they want me around. If my friends didn’t want me around, they’d tell me to pack it. Yet I’ve continued making friends, I find fun and weird people everywhere!
Fuck it, I’m gonna be me as much as I can! Life is terrible when you’re pretending to be someone else. And I’ve been lucky enough to find space irl where I can be me. If you can’t do that in person, go online, find community anywhere you can get it. I know I learned a lot from lurking online in high school.
My friends love me even though I have flaws, and I love them even though they have flaws. Including the anxiety and self doubt! Loving with flaws is human. Confidence is your armor against that self doubt. Even if it’s fake! Say fuck it and love your life, love yourself! The world is beautiful! Life is beautiful in those small moments laughing, in talking, in smiling.
Yes this is optimistic positivity! Because pessimism made me sad and being sad does not make you want to live! And I want to live. I made the choice once to live as much as I can. God’s tried to kill me twice and he has failed so far, so I will dance through life laughing.
I can still be depressed and I can still laugh! I can be lonely sometimes and still have friends! I can know that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel if I smile and greet the darkness as my friend.
Tumblr media
On Isolation
35K notes · View notes
Text
Sasha going from thin popular cheerleader popular pretty girl before Amphibia and coming back taller and with muscle and covered in scars and maybe missing an eye and with hair short like a boy and she's no longer considered as pretty as she was before, to the point her mother takes hoursssss doing her daughter's makeup to cover her face scar or getting her an uncomfortable but hyperrealistic eye prosthetic (when she wanted one custom-made to look like Grime's eye) and trying to put her on some weird diet to make her lose muscle?? Which just made her feel tired and sick because she got it from shady internet articles. Getting kicked out of the cheerleading team despite being 10 times better than she was before with her amazing strength and agility because she has too many scars and looks scary to her old teammates instead of attractive now (why her coach is concerned about how attractive a middle-schoolers are is never questioned though). She's still popular and has a lot of cool made up stories about being missing in the woods and having to fight mountain lions with her bare hands or something, but it's different now. The new friendships she makes are more genuine, maybe she gets into some other team sport and while she can never tell anyone everything, she's a lot more emotionally honest now. Marcy designs her a beautiful prosthetic that looks exactly how she wanted and is a lot more comfortable and wears it despite her mother's complains. Now she almost kinda looks like the man (toad?) she actually wishes were her parent! How cool is that? Ugh, she just knows he would help her cope with the headaches and poor vision far better than her parents do. Her dad doesn't really care. He just looks at her weird when she does anything that requires even the littlest bit of strength, like helping him change a tire or carrying big boxes lmao. She's not even that butchy! Just a lil bit sometimes, she does like her sports and short hair, and picking up her girlfriends like they weight nothing (oh it gives her such a power rush!) but she still loves her skirts and dresses too! And she still thinks she looks great in them! She tells herself this must be how Captain Beatrix looked like during military galas, if she ever took off that uniform of her. It's certainly how Braddock would look. Somehow seeing herself through toad beauty standards helps a lot. Reminds her of how Anne would come back home dirty and sweaty and covered in mud after her parents took her on some day-long family trip to the mountains to look for frogs, happy and smiling so brightly, because "Hop Pop used to say 'if it ain't a little bit muddy, it ain't honest work'". And she knows Marcy feels a little bit better about her cane and crutches and wheelchair thinking about Andrias, and how much he changed his body to stay alive and look strong and healthy. Her body may not work the way it used to, but at least it doesn't have anything weird in it, at least she doesn't have robot parts - they got rid of the ports in her arms and legs just fine - at least it's all hers again. Plus, the weakness in her legs gives her a great excuse to ask for piggyback rides from her strong, beautiful girlfriend.
114 notes · View notes
albondiguilla007 · 2 days ago
Text
Auror Harry and Healer Draco fics
✨ The Ordeal of Being Known / 146k / When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge... especially from Potter.
Features fuzzy cartoon slippers, devious house elves, 90s music, and lots—LOTS—of memories. Ron is annoyingly hot, Hermione sees right through you, Harry is a powerful idiot, and Draco is a reclusive masochist that would buy an entire city if it would make a kid happy. (And Pansy is "5'2, I wanna dance with you, and I'm sophisticated fun.")
✨ A Wolfs Song / 52k / At 30, Draco Malfoy had worked hard to become a respectable citizen. He’d gotten his life together, however small it may be, and Draco was happy with its mundanity.
Except, that is, on Tuesdays.
On Tuesdays, Harry Potter visited his shop.
What begins as a budding friendship between an Auror and his healer turns into so much more after an attack changes the course of Harry’s life.
✨ Five Weddings and a Potions Accident / 19k / In which Harry thinks he’s a playboy, everyone else knows better, and Hermione will kill Seamus if Ron tries to collect on that bet.
✨ freely, as men strive for right / 17k / How can Harry love a man like Draco Malfoy?
If only Draco would let him count the ways.
(Sometimes, a happily-ever-after takes a bit longer than you expect.)
✨ The Four Doors / 48k / It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.
✨ And Back Again (Where You Belong) / 15k / He thought back on their previous handshakes, and smiled faintly at the fact they always seemed to mean so much more to him than they did to Potter.
✨ Tell Me the End at the Beginning / 36k / St Mungo’s is the last place anyone wants to spend the festive season. Harry finds himself there anyway.
Or: Harry's an Auror suspended from duty, Malfoy's wearing the hell out of three-piece suits, Hermione is entirely over everything, and Kreacher just wants to be left alone to decorate for Christmas.
A 25 Days of Draco and Harry story.
✨ If Memory Serves / 17k / What do you do when your schoolboy nemesis, who conveniently (or not) has no memory of the last two and a half decades of his life, is handed into your care?
You fall in love with him, of course.
✨ the space between (what you want and what you need) / 13k / As a specialist Healer in dark magic, Draco has had his fair share of difficult cases and awkward patients. Still, nothing has prepared him for a curse-paralysed Harry Potter.
✨ A Half Life, A Cursed Life / 48k / Harry Potter has decided to die. Draco Malfoy may be the only one who has noticed.
21 notes · View notes
mackthe4rd · 2 days ago
Text
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much you truly mean to me. Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, but having you by my side makes everything feel a little brighter, a little easier, and a lot more meaningful. You’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing—someone who radiates kindness, warmth, and genuine care for the people around you. It’s rare to find a friend who understands, supports, and uplifts the way you do, and I want you to know that I don’t take that for granted. Your presence alone has a way of making everything better. Whether it's through your contagious laughter that can turn the worst days into something bearable or your ability to listen without judgment, you bring so much light into my life. I admire the way you navigate the world with strength and resilience, even when things get tough. You never fail to show up—not just physically, but emotionally too. You have this rare gift of making people feel seen, heard, and valued, and that’s something truly special. I cherish every moment we've spent together, from the deep conversations that stretch into the late hours of the night to the completely ridiculous inside jokes that would make no sense to anyone else. Those little things—the shared glances, the spontaneous adventures, the times when we couldn't stop laughing over something silly—are what make our friendship so meaningful. No matter what, I know I can always count on you, and I hope you know that you can always count on me too. Life can be unpredictable, and people come and go, but I genuinely hope our friendship lasts a lifetime. I’ll always be here to support you, celebrate with you, and stand by your side no matter where life takes us. You deserve all the happiness, success, and love in the world, and I hope you never doubt how truly valued you are. So, thank you—for being you, for being my friend, and for making my life infinitely better just by being in it. and I just want to take a moment to tell you how truly special you are to me. It’s hard to put into words the depth of my gratitude for having you in my life because you mean more to me than words can express. You are such a beautiful person, both inside and out, and your kindness, generosity, and warmth never cease to amaze me. You have this incredible gift of making every day brighter with your smile, your infectious laugh, and the way you genuinely care about the people around you. Whether it’s offering a listening ear, giving the best advice, or just being there when I need a friend, you always seem to know how to make me feel understood and supported. Every moment we’ve shared has been a treasure, and I’m constantly reminded of how lucky I am to have you by my side. You have a way of making the world feel a little less heavy, even during the toughest times, and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. You’ve helped me grow in so many ways, and you inspire me to be better and to embrace the beauty in the world, no matter how challenging things can sometimes get. You always manage to find the silver lining, and your positive energy is absolutely contagious. Your friendship is one of the most precious gifts I could have ever asked for, and I hold it close to my heart with so much love and appreciation. It’s not just your big gestures that I adore, but the little things too—how you remember the details that matter, how you always know how to make me laugh when I’m feeling down, how you light up any room you walk into. I am so thankful for every moment we’ve spent together and for all the laughter, deep conversations, and memories that continue to shape our friendship. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you, just as you’ve been there for me, and I’ll always cherish the bond we share. You are truly loved, and you bring so much joy and positive into my life.
Tumblr media
@weirdsillycreature @alexfreakkkk @i-am-xp-64 @fluffypuppy56 @ella-the-fella @ermwhatthefilp1
20 notes · View notes
moonchild1 · 1 day ago
Text
can i just say how i am totally captivated by this fic once again just going back and reading everything again had me mesmerized by this plot line, seriously it is so good you guy have no idea, it's written to perfection that you are completely be drawn into the story, just like a movie it plays out in front of your eyes as you read the words i am not even joking it's literally the best part about it that you get drawn into the fic like that it's magical I tell you... sorry for the babbling on but i can't fully express how much i love this fic and i can't not mention the prince and me because it just reminds me of it especially oc's personality and how she works so hard to achieve her goals i love it so much, yoon your words, how you describe oc passion and jungkook's desires it's just beautiful you build the scenes so well and not only that the emotions, their thoughts it's like you are one with the character and this world you have build it sometimes brings me to tears to read the way your wrote their thoughts like in chapter 3 I literally had tears in my eyes... I was honestly blown away and that scene in the at the cafe when they are truly just themselves, i can't stop saying this but they way you write is pure gold and i hang on all of your words, the way oc and jungkook conversations just flow and holds so much meaningful moments like i can't describe it but it feels more like just a conversation for a story it just latches on to my heart and i feel like your words have so much meaning behind them, the placement of certain words, what they talk about it's like poetry if i am being honest i feel like there should be an analysis of each line or thought that they have that's the best way I can describe it...
jumping into ch. 5 can i just say i love oc's spirals about the jungkook dating news i don't wanna spoil it but gosh i love her trying to decipher why it's that girl, why out of the people in the world it's her i really enjoyed that and her subtle inclusion of herself in the comparisons hehehehe oc i see you, also i am with Yuri and oc on the hate train, oc's just hilarious in that conversation i love it.. so the slow ass burn warning was very much needed hey wow no I still can't believe jk did a whole post with that girl and didn't tell oc, i somewhat get where his coming from but cmon how did he think she would react especially since their friendship is so strong and they clearly care about one another hehehe and jk's spiral after she confronts him ouch the slowest burn ever and the angst got me hooked, i am absolutely looking forward to how things proceed between jk and this girl and oc's take on everything will she be able to focus on her time with nel i'm pretty sure she's gonna have jk on the brain (also not sure if i mentioned it but I am sooooo not team this girl she's clearly soaking up all the influence jk brings and the complete opposite of what jk needs and she's oc's nemesis so not my vibe i can only imagine a scene where this girl just says the wrong thing in oc's presence and oc just flips and gives her a piece of her mind oooohh I hope that (also the giggle /eye roll, which i totally blame on oc by the way, that i let out when i read this man was at a party making out with this girl, jk whatcha doing my guy??????) lemme hop on into the next chapter and see jk's thought this man better explain himself 😉🤭🖤
To What We Were Before, And All The Things After | JJK | Ch. 5
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Title: Shocking Announcements and Camouflaged Explanations
Pairing: Prince!College Student!JK x Fine Arts Major!(F)!Reader
Series Rating//Genre: (M) | College AU, Mild Royalty AU, Smut, Angst, Fluff, S2F2L, Indiffernce to lovers, sloooowwww ass burn
Summary: I'm sorry the prince is dating WHO?
Warnings: PG16, swearing, drinking, pining, angsssttttttttt, Jk has a lot of feelings, and so does Reader. Yuri being Yuri. Adaline being Adaline. TOUCH of fluff.
Word Count: 6,006
Release Date: October 20, 2023, 2:00PM
A/N 1: brain mush. finally out. Thank you for understanding. Already working on 6.
Series: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four
Tumblr media
It’s 2:30pm on the Wednesday before fall reading week. 
Saturday’s looking so beautiful. Sunny skies and comfortable temperatures. 
It’s 2:30pm on the Wednesday before the Friday you get to see Nel for the first time since August. 
And by god you can’t wait. You’re counting the days, minutes and seconds till he’s in front of you again. 
But it’s also 2:30pm on the Wednesday after you mysteriously woke up in your bed after movie night.  And that thought alone has been in the back of your mind since you opened your eyes Monday morning. 
You’d thought about asking Jungkook what happened, but also didn’t think you could face the mortification if his answer was the one you almost 100% knew it was going to be. Hell, you could already feel the nose dive your stomach would make towards pavement the second you got confirmation. 
So instead, like any other rational person, you shelved it away in the back corner of your brain. Far, far back, hopefully being covered with dirt and cobwebs and lint as the days pass on. 
Though you have a nagging feeling that someone or something keeps dusting—anyways, there are much more important things to be focusing on. 
Currently at the greenhouse cafe, you’re sipping on hot chocolate and painting this week's florals on a canvas almost half the size of you. Perched onto an easel, a bunch of sunflowers is beginning to take shape when your phone dings so many times you're worried someone’s dead. 
Dropping your brush, you scoop it up from its place on the edge of the table, only to see a series of texts from Yuri, and you loose a worried breath.
Her contact name is the same from when you two went to a party the first night of freshman year. While you were sipping from your first and only drink that night, Yuri was sloshed out her mind and slurring her words. And thus, SlurryYuri was born.
She whines every time she sees you still haven’t changed it. You were never going to, of course.
SlurryYuri [2:32pm]: BITCH
Oh, here we go. 
SlurryYuri [2:33pm]: YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHO WENT SOCIAL MEDIA OFFICIAL TODAY SlurryYuri [2:33pm]: BABE ANSWER SlurryYuri [2:33pm]: ANSWER ANSWER ANSWERRRRR SlurryYuri [2:34pm]: YNNNNNNNN
You [2:34pm]: Take a breath why dont you
SlurryYuri [2:34pm]: FINALLY.  SlurryYuri [2:34pm]: By the gods YN…  SlurryYuri [2:35pm]: ANYWAY SlurryYuri [2:35pm]: JUNGKOOK SlurryYuri [2:35pm]: as in PRINCE Jungkook SlurryYuri [2:36pm]: is dating ADALINE. SlurryYuri [2:36pm]: as in #1 ENEMY OF THE STATE EVIL BITCH ADALINE.
You spit out what was left of the hot chocolate in your mouth. 
Thankfully, you had some of your mind about you and managed not to ruin your painting by turning your head…couldn’t say the same for the cafe wall though. Rustic brick now splattered with a lovely, Pollock-esque spray of brown.
Oops.
But Jungkook and…Adaline? That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
He hasn’t mentioned anything about this to you. You speak to him every day, see him almost every day, and nothing? Not a peep? A morsel? A hint? Nothing?
Maybe you two aren’t as close as you thought you were.
To be fair, you didn’t tell him about Nel. And now that you think about it, you haven’t seen or heard much from Jungkook since Sunday, which is unusual. He’s normally stuffing your inbox full of messages as the sun rises and sets, yet he’s sent maybe two a day since then.
You thought he was just busy with schoolwork.
Spiraling, you can’t help but wonder how long they’ve been seeing one another. How long he’s kept this little secret—not that it’s any of your business anyway, but he’s always seemed so open with you, with just about everything. So the fact that he kept this from you? What does that say? 
Does he think you’d react like any other girl? That you would scream and cry and mourn and tell him he’s making a mistake, that you’re his true love? Like Adaline would if he weren’t dating her? 
As if! And he knows that.
He knows that…right?
Doesn’t matter. Yes it does. No it doesn’t. 
Ugh! Whatever!
Does he even know who Adaline really is? Or does she put on a mask in front of him too, like she does everyone else. She must because now you wonder how he could even possibly like someone like her, knowing…well her! 
Bitchiness and duchess-ness aside, you and Adaline are incredibly similar, and Jungkook has never had any interest in you whatsoever, thank god. You and Adaline are both fine arts majors, both top of your class, talented, driven. You both work tirelessly for what you want, and don’t let others get in your way to success. Though only one of you will cheat if you have too, morals be damned. You both want your lives to yourself, to make your own path, to be trailblazers in your chosen fields.  
That kind of woman doesn’t seem like Jungkook's type. 
He needs someone who will follow him, and allow him to lead the nation. Someone who is okay submitting to him and his needs for the good of the people and the betterment of the Western Shores. He needs a politically inclined cheerleader, for lack of better phrasing. And that isn’t Adaline at all…or you, if you're still putting yourself in this conversation, which you’re not.  
Also, wasn’t it a rule that princes could only marry princesses? Or was it that nice, genuine people shouldn’t end up with assholes who use and abuse those around them for social status and power? And isn’t that a thing for him too—that he hates when people use him for his name?
So how could he go for her? You can’t fathom a goddamn reason as to why—
Ah…Well.
You can, but you hate it. 
Adaline is beautiful, and while no, not a princess, she does have a title the prince can be seen with in public without ridicule, friend or more than. Someone who wouldn’t be looked at like a charity case or a flavour of the week. Someone who’s used to the media. Adaline doesn’t have to hide from them. Isn’t scared to be seen by them with him. It wouldn’t ruin her future. It’ll only add to i—Wait.
Holy shit.
Adaline comes from one of the most influential families on the Eastern Shores. One with a lot of political power. Like, best friends with the Queen of the Eastern Shores, political power. Though she was only ever graced with sons. Adaline’s probably the closest thing she has to a daughter.
A marriage between Jungkook and Adaline could potentially unify the two sides again. 
Jungkook and Adaline could re-unite the East and West after centuries of war and separation, and current amicable co-existence.
Now that’s a reason he would date her. to become power couple of the century.
The next step in history. 
The whole idea of them makes more and more sense the more you think about it. Adaline, darling of the East marrying the future King of the West. And your stomach curls in on itself. 
Just because it makes sense doesn’t mean you have to like it. 
And you pray to whatever god or gods there are in this universe that he keeps her away from you and out of your conversations. Jungkook’s relationship isn’t any of your business, nor your interest, but you don’t know how well you’d be able to keep your mouth shut about her if he asks anything. 
You know he likes that you’re honest. That you don’t hide things from him others would just to please him. But at what point do you put that aside to keep the peace in an otherwise very comfortable and still blossoming friendship? At what point does honesty become an obstacle rather than a building block?
You know that if Jungkook ever meets Nel and happens not to like him he would keep his mouth shut, mostly. Hopefully. He may give you a hard time but that’s just him. Jungkook knows your relationship is important to you, that it and Nel, make you happy. He would respect that.
So again, who are you to speak ill of the person he’s chosen for himself? Maybe he knows something you don’t, sees something in her that you haven’t.
Just…Why did it have to be Adaline?
He could have anyone, anyone—on campus, in the West, the East, for the love of god, he could have anyone in the entire ass realm he wants! It’s easy to forget when he speaks with his mouth full, dresses in baggy, comfy clothes, and whines about movie choices, but Jungkook is still Prince of the Western Shores. 
He’s still the most eligible bachelor on the continent.  
Yet somehow he chose the one person you can’t stand to be within 1000 feet of. He chose the one person you never thought he would’ve liked for himself because underneath everything, she is everything he claims to hate. 
He chose Adaline Dupree. 
So yeah, you wonder why he hid it from you. Why he felt like he couldn’t tell you. Sure, you hated her, but he doesn’t know that. Probably.
Maybe his love life is something he keeps private? Everyone has that right, and maybe that’s what he’s used to doing due to his every choice being splashed on every news and media outlet there is. 
You roll your eyes. Merciless vultures. 
So maybe he’s not used to sharing this side of himself with others. Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell you anything. 
And with all of this chaos now flitting around your brain, you failed to notice the little slice of pain behind your sternum the more they ricochet around up there. You’re hurt. 
You didn’t expect it to hurt. 
Out of everything you could feel about this: confusion, anger, exasperation, annoyance, you don’t feel any of them. You just feel upset that he didn’t come to you about it. Didn’t feel like he could discuss it with you. 
You are the person your friends—old and new—come to talk to. Always have been. You’re the one who has the rational, well thought out advice. The common sense distributor. The one sought out to help, regardless of the situation. 
And you love it. You love that you’re able to help your friends. Love that they trust you with such things. That you’re the person they seek assistance and guidance from. The ear they bounce their thoughts off of. You’ve always been told you have ‘knowledge beyond your years’ as your mother says. You take pride in that. It gives your life that much more meaning. 
So even though you don’t want to, and know you shouldn’t, because it has nothing to do with you and you know that…you’re taking this as somewhat of a personal blow. 
Maybe you’re losing your touch. You hope not.
But, you need to react like you normally would. Like you still hate the prince for how he humiliated Yuri, just like she hates Adaline for you. Solidarity between best friends, even if it’s fake.
Come on YN you got this, you think to yourself.
You [2:40pm]: I almost feel sorry for him. After how he treated you tho? They deserve each other
No they don’t, no they don’t, no they don’t. 
He deserves so much better.
SlurryYuri [2:40pm]: I’m just surprised he went for her tbh SlurryYuri [2:41pm]:  isnt she like a total bitch? To you at least?  SlurryYuri [2:41pm]: like just knowing what I do from the tiny bit of time I spent with him, she doesn’t really seem to be his type
Vindication!
You [2:42pm]: uh yeah, like 100% yes. Shes a rich party girl who doesnt know the word punishment, always gets what she wants, regardless if she works for it or not. And takes it when she especially doesnt deserve it You [2:43pm]: probably explains how she got him 🙄
Vivian pops outside to check in, and takes the couple steps to reach your table, some napkins and a large cup of water in hand.
“Hey! Are you okay? I saw that spit take and one; wow, that was impressive. But two; is everything alright?” she asks, passing you the napkins. The water gets thrown on the wall to wash off the splatter.
You wipe up your chin and remnants of projected hot chocolate on the table.
“Sorry, thank you. Yes, I’m fine,” you lie easily. A little scared of how easy it’s becoming. “I just learned some really shocking news is all. I shouldn’t have read it with a full mouth.”
“Oh! That makes sense. I hope whatever it is turns out fine.” 
“Thanks, me too.” 
You know Vivian means well, but she doesn’t know that that is the very last thing you want. You want Adaline’s corruptive, cutthroat, cruel nature away from Jungkook. 
But is he just Jungkook anymore?  
You’ve spent enough time together to consider him a friend, a close friend even. You’ve grown to care for him, platonically, similar to the way you do Yuri. And the fact that you want Adaline as far away from him as she can get so he doesn't go through whatever shit she’ll inevitably get him wrapped up in, definitely says something.
Adaline loves many things—art, fashion, publicity—but the thing she likes better than anything else? 
Attention.
She thrives on it. The more eyes on her the better. She’s a ‘there’s no such thing as bad press’ type, and you worry what that means for him.
Especially now that she’s taken them public—because you know it was her that did it, he would have never—and she’s going to be the hottest topic in all of the newest news cycles. 
Say they’ve been seeing one another since the beginning of the school year? Just a guess, but a likely correct one—you shiver at the thought. That’s less than seven weeks to get to know one another before camera crews and reporters start breathing down their necks. They’ll ask and comment on everything you thought you might go through at one point. But unlike you, Adaline will face it head on with a smile and win them over. Gladly welcome them with open arms.
Because exactly like Jungkook fears with everyone new, she desires everything a relationship with him would give her. 
Status, fame, power, wealth, brand sponsorships, popularity, jealousy, people wishing they could be her. You couldn’t build a better trap to lure her into if you tried. 
Jungkook is potentially unknowingly feeding her already enormous ego simply by publicly dating her. And it dawns on you that your classes with her are going to become even more insufferable.
Great. 
You don’t even know if she’s going to care that she has him. As wonderful, kind and talented as Jungkook is, you have a very good sense that she’ll be just like rest; happy to receive what he can give her, and not a damn to be given about him.
So now you worry. You worry for him and for his safety and for his feelings.
Because that’s what friends do. 
Right?
Tumblr media
“Hey.”
You look up to see Jungkook rounding the back corner to the cafe, backpack slung over a shoulder, mask, hat and hoodie all too familiar. You’d be able to spot him a mile away now, it’s all in his posture and eyes. 
Maybe he should invest in some sunglasses. 
And slouch.
You’re elbows deep in yellow and brown paint from the sunflowers that now fill the canvas in front of you. You’ve been experimenting with texture, oil paint thicker in some places to give off a more 3D effect. Stripes of green carved into the medium by the edge of a long palette knife mimic stems, and fat leaves placed with precision also riddle the cloth. 
As he nears, you try your best not to come off as upset, pissed off or worried when you reply.
“Hey,” you fail miserably, sounding exactly like you’re all kinds of upset, and pissed off, and worried. 
Shit.
Like always, he notices immediately.
“Everything okay?” he’s taking his spot at the table beside you, the one that seats four, having abandoned his original one weeks ago. 
You two both found yourselves here so frequently that over time, he started sitting next to you without asking. Always in the same spots. Always side by side. Him at the closest chair to you, you at the same one you always have.
Sure, you two shared movie nights and fun messages, you talk everyday and pretty much talk about whatever you want. But when it comes to academics, he knows he has to tread water a little differently around you. He can’t constantly start conversations the way he would at movie night when you’re at the greenhouse cafe. You’re here to work and to study, and if he wants to be there too, he has to respect that about you, and know not to take it personally. 
So you work together in comfortable silence most of the time, occasionally breaking it to have a conversation, get snacks, or pose for one another’s homework. It’s become another routine you share, an unspoken agreement that when you were both there at the same time, you worked together. 
And you haven’t minded since that first time. The one when you decided to say yes to your friendship. 
You welcome it. Welcome him. His presence. 
Company’s nice to have when it’s wanted. 
When it’s him.
And whether you know it or not, you seem to work better when you are in each other's immediate orbit. You work better when he works alongside you, able to focus better due to body doubling and  to have a second opinion at the ready when you need it. Just like he worked better when you worked alongside him, a willing model any time he needed, and an open ear when he wanted to work something out.  
You two just work. And because of this, he also picks up when something isn’t quite right with the atmosphere you two have created. 
Play it off YN.
“Yeah, just focused. Sorry.”
He doesn’t believe you for a second. When you focus you have a very distinct look on your face, eyes clearer, an eyebrow constantly quirked in self reflection, and that isn’t the one you have on right now. 
But he lets it slide. For now. Somethings up with you, and he knows better than to push you before you’re ready.
“That’s okay. I’m running in, need anything?”
“I’m good, thanks,” you go back to painting, barely acknowledging him and shutting out the outside world. 
Yeah, something’s definitely up.
You’re ignoring him so hard you don’t notice Jungkook lifting your hot chocolate just enough to feel it’s empty. 
Vivian’s behind the counter as he enters and takes off his mask to flash her a wide smile.
“Hey Vivian, how are you today?”
She blushes like she does every time he comes in, hands slowing in their task. 
“Hey JK, I’m good. You?” He had to ask her about a hundred times to drop the ‘your highnesses,’ ‘you majesty’s,’ and ‘prince’s.’ Telling her it really was okay, and that no, she wasn’t going to get in trouble for it. It took her some time, but eventually she came around and it’s made his experience here so much better. So much more normal.
She’d settled on JK because ‘it makes me feel like I’m listening to what you want while also not feeling guilty and weird about calling you Jungkook without the prince part.’
He could work with that logic.
“I’m alright, could I get my usual and a hot chocolate for YN? With a little extra secret ingredient if you're so inclined?” You shared the not so secret stash secret with Jungkook about a week after you said yes.  “She seems upset. Have you noticed anything off lately? Has she said anything to you?”
Jungkook peruses the pastry display while Vivian starts on his drink.
“Not really, she did a wicked spit take earlier about some news her friend told her, but said she was fine, just surprised. Besides that, focused maybe? Or maybe the opposite of that and a little distracted?” She thinks for a second. “Does she have an exam coming up that you know about? She gets a little weird before those.”
He knows exactly what’s meant by that. Witnessed it himself, bunny slippers and all.
But no, you don’t. Your midterms aren’t until the first week of November, nearly two weeks away. You started studying for them last week.
He spots egg tarts in the back corner of the pastry display, hiding. Perfect.
“I don’t think that’s it, but thanks though. I’ll get it out of her eventually, especially if I have one of those egg tarts to butter her up first,” he says in a questioning tone to ask for one while pointing at them.
Vivian smiles a knowing smile. He wants to know what it means because she’s worn it around him for a while now, and he’s half tempted to ask at this point. 
“I think that could be arranged.”
Jungkook pays and heads to your tables again. You’re still locked into your own world of colour and canvas. He subtly sets down the hot chocolate and bagged tart so that you won’t notice until you pop the bubble you’re in.
Halfway through a business assignment he hears your surprise. The weird look on your face finally breaking, a grateful one taking its place as you peek at him.
A soft, genuine, “thank you,” finds his ears as your lips meet lid, and you can’t meet his eye. He knows you often forget to drink or eat when you’re in the zone. 
Maybe now with a warm drink and some goodies in your belly, you’re willing to talk about it.
“You sure everything’s okay?” he asks again.
Your deep sigh and unfocused gaze says enough to him. 
You are willing to talk.
Quietly, almost ashamed sounding, you ask, “Why didn't you tell me about her?”
Her? 
Oh.
Oh… 
You meant Adaline. Why hadn’t he told you about Adaline. 
“Why did I find out an hour ago from Yuri screaming at me through text messages and not from you? Is it something you’re private about? Do you not trust me?”
The truth was that he was hoping to keep it under wraps for a bit longer, actually, hoping you never found out so he wouldn’t have to explain the reason why. 
He still doesn’t have too, and he won’t. Not the real reason.
He won’t ruin things. He can’t.
But he also should have known better. Should have known that not telling you would hurt you instead. Of course he trusted you.
You talk everyday, sometimes for hours, sometimes just to check in. You hang out during the week, whether it be at the cafe like you are right now, or for Sunday movie night. 
Six weeks isn’t a long time, but it was plenty when he thinks about how much time you two have already spent together, how much you’ve gotten to know one another. 
How comfortable you are in each other’s presence. 
Six weeks isn’t a long time, but it feels like you’ve always been there with him, listening, cheering, supporting.
Six weeks isn't a long time, and yet it feels like it’s been forever.
Of course you’re hurt he didn’t tell you. So he doesn’t lie to you, but he also doesn’t tell you the full truth.
“Oh…uh, that.” He rubs a hand at the nape of his neck. “That just kind of happened recently actually, like Monday recently. My father’s been really pressuring me to find someone to court,” and I couldn’t go with my first choice. “So I did.”
“And you went with Adaline?” You ask carefully.
“Uh, yeah? Is there something wrong with her?”
Adaline isn’t his first, second or tenth choice. She's his father’s choice. Might as well appease him and at least try with this girl. It’s going…fine, so far. 
Adaline wanted to make it social media official as soon as possible, wanted what he could give her, like everyone else. Like he expected. And so he willingly suffered through a photo session where she staged everything to make it look perfectly unposed and natural. Even though none of it was. 
She’d told him to put his arms around her waist and kiss her forehead, and it worked. The picture wasn’t bad, they both looked great. But he hated it anyway. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision, or sincere. It wasn’t a picture of two fools drunk on love, wanting to capture something beautiful for their future selves to look back on to reminisce over.
It was an uncomfortable hour and a half of touching and kissing a complete stranger, and it is the complete opposite of what he wants in a relationship. 
He wants genuine and carefree and candid. He wants honest, true feelings and social media posts saved for anniversaries and birthdays instead of using them as a mini documentary of every part of his life through pictures. 
He wants shitty birthday cakes made from scratch, and blurry polaroid pictures of kisses in the rain to put in his wallet when he’s away from them. He wants silly nicknames and inside jokes no one else will understand. 
He wants midnight walks hand in hand under moonlight and quirky habits he picks up from them. He wants pictures of precious moments and holidays celebrated between just the two of you and movie nights under blanket forts with popcorn and hot chocolate and egg tarts. 
He wants real.
He wants authentic. 
He wants love.
Not some staged artificial bullshit for an online presence that means nothing once you’re dead. 
But this is new and exciting for Adaline. He understands that a relationship with him is a very big deal, that she’s not used to it yet, and that it hasn’t been nearly long enough for him to see the true her yet. 
It’s only been 44 hours. Not that he’s counting.
So he’s going to give her some time, and have some faith that maybe she shows him that side of herself if it exists. He doesn't think she's going to change all that much for several reasons, the first being her enormous reputation, and the second being that she’s a politician's daughter, but he’s going to at least try. The way he hopes she will.
And if nothing does change, and she stays the exact same, at least she’s pretty enough to distract him. 
He knows that’s not the most mature or princely thing to do or think. In fact, he knows it’s quite asshole-ish of him, but if Adaline’s going to openly use him for her own personal gain, why shouldn’t he be able to use her just a little bit too? 
She isn’t unfamiliar with political relationships, having been born from one, so he doesn’t think she would be against it either. And it’s not like he’ll be mistreating her, quite the opposite in fact.
He’ll shower her with expensive gifts and happily take however many pictures she wants. He’ll smother her in physical affection and get or do whatever she needs in order to make her happy. 
Because as much as she clearly wants this relationship with him for whatever reason, he desperately needs it more with every passing day. He needs somewhere to put everything he’s feeling. And if that happens to be in a beautiful woman his father approves of who he could possibly, eventually grow feelings for? It’s a win-win in his book.
But at the same time, sometimes he really hates the shit he has to navigate in his Royal Life.
While Jungkook is caught in his thought spiral, you bite your tongue. Like actually bite your tongue. 
Don’t say shit Y/N. 
Don't say anything.
It’s not your business. What they have together and what’s between you and Adaline are completely separate, unrelated things. One’s a rivalry and one's a relationship. Those are not the same. 
At. All. 
So, still untrusting of your mouth, you shake your head and dodge his question by changing the direction of the conversation.
“Why did you go public so quickly?” you ask, feeling like it’s the safest question you can muster. “It’s literally only been two days.”
He shrugs. “She wanted to, and I didn’t say no.”
“Courseshedid,” you mutter under your breath. That should’ve been red flag number one. Two days? Who goes social media official after two days!?
“What?”
“Nothing,” you try your best to give him the closest thing to a smile you can currently muster, forcibly removing any acid from every word. “I hope she makes you happy.”
He doesn’t tell you she was hand picked by the king for him.
That at twenty-four, he still isn’t pulling all of his own strings. It’s pathetic.
“Me too.” 
He hopes she’ll help more than anything. Even if it’s just for a little while. “I’ve never been in a public relationship before. But the kingdom and my father seem to like her, so I’m sure I will too, with time.” 
It takes all of your focus not to roll your eyes.
Of course they do. Of course the King already likes her, she’s got the attitude and knowledge for politics, so she’s perfect! Strong potential to be the heartless, ruthless Queen to what you already know will be Jungkook's kind and giving King. 
Great! Just great. That’s just…great…
Maybe you’re biased. Maybe there’s something in her that you can’t see because of your past with her. 
Maybe they really are perfect for one another and you just refuse to see it. Opposites attract, isn’t that what they say? Well Jungkook and Adaline couldn’t be more opposite of one another.
So you decide that you won’t let your personal feelings get in the way. That you’ll keep the peace and support his choice, regardless of your opinion of her, even if you hate his choice. 
And you really hate his choice.
“I have no doubt.”
Tumblr media
The seat heater in the car you rented to pick Nel up from the airport keeps your tush toasty while you drive. 
Friday night has never felt so exciting!
You can barely sit still, the leg not pressing the pedals won’t stop bouncing and you have to sit on your hands at stop lights to try and keep calm.
God you missed him, it's only been two months since you last saw him, and yet it feels like forever. 
You have the piece of printer paper with ‘Smoosh’ printed on it in the biggest font you could have horizontally. It’s something you do every year, and every year it never fails to bring the biggest smile to Nel’s face when you wave it wildly the second you see him.
Pulling up to the terminal you keep your eyes peeled for the first parking spot you can find. Never an easy feat at this particular airport but you manage to find one somewhere in the J lot under section 1, whatever that meant. All you care about right now is that you’re decently close to the doors as you grab your phone, bag, sign, and that you’re perfectly on time.
Entering through sliding doors, you find the waiting area mostly empty, so you pick the best place to sit as you wait for his flight to land: dead center and up front. 
You can’t wait. Just a few more minutes and you’ll see him. 
You can’t wait. You can’t wait. You can't wait!
Your phone dings and you jump at it, looking for the ‘I’ve landed’ text from Nel, but it’s not from Nel.
It’s from Jungkook.
Tumblr media
Me [10:42pm]: See you in a week. I hope you enjoy your time with Nel.
That sounds okay, right? It sounds neutral? Safe?
Like he hasn’t been dreading this week since that day you told him about it?
Jungkook hopes so. Because he wants you to enjoy your week off.
Your week off with Nel. 
And not him. 
That’s normal, he has to remind himself. That he’s not anyone particularly special to you, just a friend. Not someone you would go out of your way for to spend all your free time with over break. Not even for two hours on Sunday nights.
Just a regular, average, nothing important about him…
Friend. 
He doesn’t want to feel like this. Doesn’t want to have all of these… whatever these feelings are, about and for you.
He really doesn’t want to. But more than that, he can’t. 
He can’t have any sort of non-platonic feelings for the first person who didn’t give a shit about who he was. For the person who makes him feel more like himself than anyone else. 
For the person who has a boyfriend. 
For the person who isn’t his girlfriend.
For the person who’s you.
But he can’t fucking help it!
So he’s been shoving them down, down, down. So far down that he’s able to function around you. 
Because it’s you. 
You’re kind, and caring. Talented, beautiful, giving. Driven, smart. You respect what he asks for and what he wants for himself, not because he's the Prince demanding, but because it's him—because it’s Jungkook—that asks you, and you liste–
No! Stop it. He can’t. He can’t!
Stop, stop, stop—
You have Nel! 5 years in, loving, loyal boyfriend, probably soon to be more after graduation, Nel.
It’s expected that you would spend what little time off you have with the boyfriend you barely get to see, wouldn’t it? Makes sense that every second you have, is saved for him? 
For being happy with who makes you happy? 
Jungkook wants to see you happy. And Nel makes you happier than he’s ever seen you before, so he can’t be too upset with the guy, even though he wants to be. He wants to hate him. But how could he hate someone that gave you the smile that completely shatters his heart. 
Picasso [10:43pm]: Thanks! I will. See you soon😊
With a broken smile, he turns his phone off and puts it in his pocket.
He’s up against a wall, red cup in his hand filled with something that he’s barely touched yet, trying not to be too noticeable.
Adaline’s dragged him to some party on campus he really doesn't care about. But she said it would be good to be seen out together now that things are official. 
Out in the open, for everyone to see. For everyone to talk about.
So he went, because she asked him to. 
And now he’s regretting it. The music is shit, the people smell and everything he touches is damp or sweaty. This isn’t a part of the university experience he ever intended on participating in, but here he is. 
Adaline appears from the crowd, walking over to where he stands, a cup of her own in one hand and the other finding its way to his neck. 
One thing Jungkook’s glad for is the alcohol. Something to help his racing thoughts, pounding heart, and roiling gut. Something to drown out the world. Even if he’s only had two gulps so far. 
More, then. 
Taking a hefty swig he revels in the burn that crawls down his throat. It feels good, it makes him feel less. So he takes another one and another, and then pours his turmoiled feelings about you and Nel into Adaline’s lips. Shoving them down, further and further, until it’s like they were never even there in the first place.
The only thing that's there now is the fire in his stomach, Adaline, and her cherry flavoured lip gloss.
Tumblr media
Chapter Six: Eastern Arrivals and Unwanted Doubt
Tumblr media
A/N 2: I'm so sorry this took for literal ever. I never intend on taking forever but unfortunately real life gets in the way and I'm left with no creative energy to output writing I'm proud of.
A/N 3: As always, Thank you for reading, loves. Xoxo - Yoon <3
<- Back
362 notes · View notes
pose4photoml · 1 year ago
Text
I LOVE my girlfriends…I have had an interesting week and tonights events … well let’s just say, I decided I need a DRINK 🥃 and so I texted these girlfriends and not even a hot minute later they agreed to meet me tonight❣️ Sometimes a night out with friends can make it all OK!!
2 notes · View notes
heimonas · 1 year ago
Text
I might have come to a big realisation about life tonight. a few days ago we had a discussion about self awareness and therapy with friends and I consider myself to be very self aware. at the same time, when I know someone for a while and we're close, I also start understanding how they work and why. but I often don't express it because it is awkward and sometimes rude and really invasive to psychoanalyse someone in front of them out of the blue. like it needs tact. but the realisation I made is that not everyone is self aware? which sounds dumb but I have legit not thought about it like that before. like I knew that everyone falls into mental traps sometimes and it's not easy to be logical about some stuff and find the real problems within you. but i also just thought that when someone doesn't express something I've easily understood about them, it's because they don't want to say it (which I respect) but not because they haven't understood it themselves? I'm not trying to seem better here, like "ohhh you're so dumb and I'm so smart for easily understanding patterns and problems", I'm just saying I never truly understood how difficult it is for some people to come to conclusions about themselves without outside help. which makes a lot of sense but again, you're not immune to thinking all people work more or less like you.
#and I think that's what frustrates me with my friendship with E and V#I will talk to them about it#like when we talk about something they ask provocative questions like I guess someone would do in therapy#to get an answer out of me that would make me find the answer to the problem I'm expressing from within#but the problem is. I know the answer. I know all of it. and asking me to repeat it is just asking me to rethink and relive it#for example I know the problems I have with my parents and I know why and how and when and I've worked on them already in me#at this point to tell someone about them would be to just describe it all I know what happened. there is no insight to gain#but they try to do it because I think they haven't realised how self aware I am#maybe they are what I'm describing but on the other side#like I know for a fact talking like that helps them with their problems#which is fine I don't mind#but it's exhausting for me sometimes bc I just don't want to go over it and relive every stage of my inner therapy again#it's just going to be telling a story but a story that hurts me and I would do it for them to understand me when I feel like it#but I don't always feel like it?#someone tell me I'm making sense. this is important.#I need to find even better words to describe it#angelic.txt#OH OH AND because I'm self aware and I know what means what I might withhold information from someone when I know that saying something can#make them piece everything together and come to a big realisation about me#when I don't want them to#sometimes it might slip but like I know what reveals what#and I guess if you're less self aware you're more likely to give me more information about yourself so it's easier to come to a realisation#about you. bc you haven't seen the whole pattern/picture yet
8 notes · View notes
Text
I think the funny thing is that worship teams, in my experience with pretty chill nondenominational churches, tend to have weirdly specific ecosystems. the vocal leader and the keyboardist are best buddies. sound techs and visual techs tend to have beef, for whatever reason. backup singers and/or vocalists who don't play an instrument usually need a confidence boost. sound techs and the rhythm section are basically telepaths with each other. the drummer is always a goofball. the visual media tech is all but all-knowing. everything is held together by duct tape and prayers.
17 notes · View notes
fish-and-forbear · 2 years ago
Text
I think I am doing okay, here.
I wish so many things could have been different. My heart aches for it. But I wouldn't have found my voice, otherwise, nor would I have met so many wonderful people and creatures.
I wish the other one would worry less. It's very silly to realize he thought I was the panicked one... now I've organized my mind and honed my edge, and he's the one who keeps feeling down...
I don't entirely understand why... life is very good. Everyone is getting a little better. It aches because I can feel it like a physical creature clawing in the skull, and whispering all of the misery in this world, the atrocities, the tragedies, the possibilities of so many things ending, or of getting hurt or worse for who he is. And being afraid for the people he cares about...
But that doesn't help us sleep right now. It doesn't change that tomorrow morning the sun will rise and we don't have work and we could do anything, within reason of course.
I'm not sure. Maybe I am the stupid one for being so positive. But one of us has to be, now.
Maybe it's just my instincts waking up again. It's so easy to throw my aching heart and memories away when someone I care about needs me. And right now, once more, we just need to rest.
Nothing bad is even happening! We had a nice day. We talked to friends, we played a game and lost track of time because it was so much fun. I liked that game and the name is appropriate, Loop Hero. Ironic but fitting! We helped a friend feel better after a nightmare. And now it's OUR turn to rest.
Nothing is wrong. Everything is alright. Many big steps forward this coming week. I feel his worry creeping into my heart too, but there's no need for it. We were brave and confident before, we can be that way again. :)
- Grist
#system journaling#see I can remember what words I need to use...! Sometimes.#I think I made him sad because my friends have their own blogs now and I immediately wanted to look at them#he let me but it just made him upset. But why? I chose to unfollow. He felt better after that. Why worry?#I am familiar and content with friendships between firey souls that do not last very long.#Better to rest them down gently. You should always leave friends at least a little bit better than you found them#If I did that then I am happy :)#I just wish he would believe me that it's alright... I know who I am... even if other people see me as a mistake that's fine#I've been around too long to care too much about that. Even from my own family. Trauma makes long bonds difficult#Sometimes when they are healed they can rekindle but..... foresight is a gift and a curse for these things. Better to let them go entirely#than hold onto what isn't there.#... I think he needs to talk to his friend again. The one that lives here.#I think he needs closure that these things are alright. After all that was 8 years and they are so much happier now :)#Hmm. This is getting long#I will let it rest. The heart is already a little softer and everything is less tense. His memory is AWFUL and he can never remember what I#talk about on my own but hopefully he will see that I am content and stop worrying so much about me. And focus more on better things#like making my damned music list like he keeps saying he will! But that is a joke to make him laugh :) There is never any rush.
2 notes · View notes
phagodyke · 4 months ago
Text
venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍
haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(
#going to try and stay awake until lunch at least and yhen maybe ill take a nap. but i need to be able to sleep rpoperly tonight#at least i know im only feeling depressed bc my period is due which means my meds dont work how they should#like its kind of weird n psychologically interesting to feel so depressed again suddenly bc i havent been at all lately#well theres not much i can do abt feeling sick and in pain but ill take it easy. wasnt planning on leaving the house today anyway#and i do need to find a way to talk to ppl abt shit im struggling to communicate bc it really does bother me. and i dont want to do this#im tired of keeping everything in and wound so tightly i just want to feel seen and safe around someone please. please 🥹#its all well n good getting along with people better than i rver havebut if they still wont support me when im going through it#then it fades into shallowness like our friendship still has value. but im unable to feel close to them or safe around them#and right now im glad im doing so well im glad of so manynthings but its so scary to know that if i start doing bad again there is#noone and nothing there to catch me i dont have anything in the way of a safety net just myself. so better not fall 👍#and irs been makinf me feel so horrible lately bc my mum has been trying to emotionally drpend on me again and its making me feel like#when i was a teenager again and i was fighting for my fucking life against what i didnt know was mental illness and i had no outlet and#nowhere to go and i wanted to die so badly and meanwhile everyone around me was completely unaware and making me handle all of their#emotional issues and i was trapped there absorbing everyone elses damage and not being able to express mine and thankfully i didnt kill#myself and i got out and ive gotten so much bettee and worse and better sinxe and how i feel now is nothing like that really but im just#being reminded of it a lot and how hard expressing myself is and sometimes it feels like ive made so little progress#in thetorture labyrinth out here. but i dont want to do this forever i need to get better at expressing i just need people to support me#but i feel unsupported its like thin ice. but its alsonmy fault for not trusting. i dontnknowwwww.#maybe when i dont have to pay for private meds anymore and when i get this raise at the end of the year ill try therapy again#i dont think itll solve the issue bc its the ppl i care abt in my life that i need to be able to talk to. but maybe i can get some#better tools to help me be able to do that. i dontnknow i dont want to think about it anymore actually im going to go do smth else#sorry for venting its been a really nice weekend genuinely feeljng so good in general atm. and yeah i still struggle with the same things#but generally ive been handling their effect on my mental health so much better!!!! like im still feeling okay regardless of them#but they are still there and i will need to go from tolerating them to dissolvjng them at some point if i want to feel okay long term#it doesnt have to be like this. and i do actually truly believe that for once which rly is a sign of how much prpgress ive made!!!!#working on my shit is a fucking lifelong project....as im sure it is for everyone else too. all of our first time on planet earth#we will get through yhis. and anyway how i feel now is super temporary jsut triggered by a few thingsand ill keep reacting to them this#way until i managr to properly resolve them properly instead of folding them nicely and tucking them out of view#bleugh. okay yeah thats enough for now. meds softening the edges too ive stopped crying which is smth#chilling for a bit n then im going to watch some tv or a movie and iron and polish my boots and after lunch i might draw. or not we'll see
1 note · View note
yooboobies · 7 months ago
Text
.
1 note · View note
wardingshout · 8 months ago
Note
hi, i'm the anon who fell in love from before, and it's totally alright to post it! i'm very glad that you're feeling a little more at ease, and your well wishes mean a lot. thank you so much, too. i'm happy i got to say it to someone <3
I remembered I had this waiting too !! ;v; I actually got so occupied with family stuff I didn't get time to look at this properly (aside from the ok) until monday where we got new vaccine shots at work and it helped me think about smth else all over again so thank you again! ;v; and I'm happy that you enjoyed saying it too!
1 note · View note
katskitoshi · 2 years ago
Text
"W-WAIT, YOU'RE NOT A BOY?" with TWISTED WONDERLAND
synopsis: he's gotten to the point where he thinks he knows everything about you, until you (accidentally) spring on him that you're not even a guy.
characters: riddle, trey, cater, ace, deuce, leona, ruggie, jack, azul, jade, floyd, kalim, jamil, vil, rook, epel, idia, ortho, malleus, lilia, silver, & sebek x fem! reader
includes: mutual crush relationships (everyone -ortho), cursing, mentions panties and bras, slightly suggestive in some parts.
--------------------------------------------------------------
if not for an unbirthday party where you needed an outfit that accommodated your body more, riddle rosehearts would have never noticed unless you outwardly told him. only now did he realize your more feminine features, and he turns as red as his hair. after realizing, he does treat you slightly more respectful because he was raised to treat women respectfully. besides being more respectful, flustered, and in love with you, not much changed in you two's friendship.
trey clover would have found out sooner or later even if his hand never touched your bra on accident while tying your apron. he straight up asks if you're a girl, and when you tell him you are he acts surprised and flustered. honestly, not much changes. he acts the exact same but gets slightly more protective of you.
when cater diamond found out over magicam that you were a a girl, he nearly died. he just though you were one of the guys that were more naturally feminine, only to find out you're actually a female. honestly, he's not mad. he still loves you! he'll help you keep it a secret if you wish, but if you don't want to, there probably won't be a student in the school who doesn't know you're a girl. but don't worry, he'll keep all those icky pervs away!
okay, okay. because he's a little shit, he wanted to prank you and it just happened to involve you dressing yourself. so ace trappola waited until he knew you were changing to barge into your room, only to be face to face with you in just a bra and panties. he screams, like a girl, more girly than you, and rushed out the dorm with his face red. the next day is awkward, but at least he knows his crush is a girl, and that you have a really cute body under the clothes that convinces others you're a boy.
it's just so strange, the feelings deuce spade has. he even calls his mom and tells her all about his little crush. but by the way he was describing you, ms. spade didn't think you were a guy. so deuce builds up the courage to ask you if you're actually a guy. to his surprise when you tell him you're not, he dies of embarrassment. queue delinquent deuce whenever someone makes some pervy comment (or generally speaks) to you.
honestly, leona kingscholar probably knew already. he could probably sense or smell the female hormones on your or something. i don't know, all i know is that leona knows. he doesn't really have to ask or anything. he just knows. and you think he knows because he treats you better than any other male in the school. his attitude towards you doesn't ever really change but he's definitely flirty with you.
ruggie bucchi is in the same boat is leona. they both can just tell you're not a guy. however, he fears you. male hyenas usually listen to their female counterpart, so ruggie usually just listens. however, when he realizes he has control and that you aren't a threat, he's definitely becomes more friendly around you. no matter how much he fears you, his crush never ever leaves.
i won't lie, but every person in savanaclaw probably knows you're a girl. jack howl included. he won't make it painfully obvious that he knows but he definitely lets you know subtly know he knows. he shows you great amounts of respect and sometimes can't help but feel absolutely vile for thinking of you in some... not so respectful ways.
look, you're gonna give the poor octopus a heart attack once he finds out! you're filling out a contract and you inform azul ashengrotto that you're a girl and ask for certain things to be changed. he simply dies on the spot from shock and is a blushy little octopus. he thinks of using you to convince more people to the monstro lounge, but he can't do that to his crush!
just as expected, jade leech finds out rather quickly. one walk in the forrest on a hot day and a crop top with some sweat soaking through was enough to spill the beans. of course he had his suspicions, but you confirmed them for him! he finds you somehow cuter with your secret revealed. don't worry, your secret is safe with him!
floyd leech always thought you were just so cute! so, he just has to squeeze you to show you his love, right? when he squeezed you, he felt something push against him. he realized what he felt was what all the female merfolk had. "oh, shrimpy! you have boobs!" and he enjoys squeezing your boobs more than you. it doesn't matter if they're big or small, he just can't stop squeezing them!
this shouldn't come as a surprise, but it takes kalim al-asim a long time to find out. i mean, he can quite literally see you naked and be like "wow! you're very female-bodied for a guy!" of course, he didn't find out that way, but he could have. he actually found out by spilling water on you and seeing your bra. anyways, he's surprisingly calm about it. he still treats you like a friend that he has an obvious crush on, so yeah!
jamil viper is surprisingly shocked at what he found out. a little cooking mishap caused you to take off your oversized hoodie and make jamil realize your more... feminine features on your upper body. of course, he's a lot more over protective of you, and oh! he just can't stop staring! he tries his best, but his crush is just a bit more apparent!
he had always had his suspicions. vil schoenheit always thought your more feminine appearance had been more than some accidental blessing. apparently, he was proven right when on a shopping spree he got a little look of your breasts while trying on some clothes. he'll bring you all sorts of clothes that he thinks will suit you, enjoying getting to see you try on the clothes. you can tell he knows your little secret by the more.. risky.. clothes, if you can even call them that, he requests you in.
rook hunt knew from the first second he saw you. you come into night raven and expect not to be observed by the hunter? how cute. he gets actual confirmation when he was watching you change one night. of course he looked away while you were naked (maybe not), but he saw your bra and completely knew. the next day, he obviously hugged you more to try and egg you on that he knows (and feel you), but don't worry, it doesn't take to long to find out.
okay, so epel felmier though you two were on the same boat. two really pretty men cursed by genetics somehow. but, after he takes you on a magic wheel ride and feels you against him, he realizes he is alone. he's obviously flustered but he feels more manly somehow? he protects you and comes off as manly as possible. surely other guys will see how manly he is if his crush, and the only girl on campus, sees it, right?
when idia shroud found out, he was more than surprised and honestly didn't even think he could face you ever again! with a bit of convincing from his dear little brother, he could face you again. although with pink tinted hair and a red face, he'll still see you! how did he find out exactly? well, he accidentally touched you boob when aiming to punch your shoulder after a won game.
(platonic) a simple body scan gave ortho shroud the answers he needed. ortho is the biggest idia x [name] shipper on the planet! he'll call you 'big sister', and probably lock you in a room with idia if it'll help speed up the love-i-fication process. eventually he'll break the news to his brother, but he loves playing the waiting game with him. is idia getting any closer to finding out? no- wait, yes, wait-!
malleus draconia is an intelligent man. however, to crack this mystery, he'll need every clue and sign laid before him. once he pieces the picture together, he still might need to to clarify that you are in fact a woman. and don't forget, malleus is a gentleman. he'll treat you with love and respect as he courts you, beds you, and makes you his queen.
at some age, you just realize what everyone is, y'know? lilia vanrouge just knows that you're a girl. it probably started out at a gut feeling that ended up true. and maybe he'll let you know that he knows by giving you a cutely wrapped box of matching black and pink panty and bra set! maybe with a rose and a note that says 'be my girl?'
sleepyhead silver realizes completely by accident when he just wanted to lay on your shoulder. next thing you know, you've pulled his head to your thighs and when he tries to look up, he's meet with a new type of pillow. he's conflicted between staying awake or going to sleep upon this newfound discovery. either way, don't think that his sleepiness will prevent him from wanting to be as knightly as possible for you.
sebek zigvolt accidentally unhooks your bra when trying to fix your posture. it's an awkward moment and sebek is surprisingly quiet when he asks you your gender. his loudness returns as he begins yelling about how informal he's been to you. as a servant of his dear master malleus, he promises to treat you with the utmost respect!
9K notes · View notes
fictionalmenxyn · 4 months ago
Text
Frat!rafe is the type… (NSFW and language)
Frat!rafe is the type to greet you with a dap up then kiss each knuckle to show your not a bro but his girl.
Frat!rafe is the type to keep his arm loosely around your shoulder or waist till either a guy he doesn’t know or doesn’t like gets close. Then he be gripping on to you for dear life!
Frat!rafe is the type to occasionally give you temple kisses or cheek kisses around his frat guys. But pecks on the lips around other guys. Thinking you can’t tell, but you most definitely can.
Frat!rafe is the type to hug you from behind if you’re finishing up in class or you’re both working on a project together. He’d try to get your attention while you work.
Frat!rafe is the type of show off that he’s only showing of to you. If you both play sports, best believe he’s trying his hardest to show you his skills. If he sees you watching, he’s definitely sending a wink your way or a funny yet cringy mouthing ‘call me’ and doing the phone gesture. Already knowing he’s got you.
Frat!rafe is the type to get to know your friends better, so he knows you through and through. If you’re a big person when it comes to friendships. Best believe frat!rafe is getting close to your friends and becoming their friends. Showing you he respects your friendships and your beliefs. Also showing he can be supportive on your opinions and what you want.
Frat!rafe is the type to listen to the gossip!! This guy lives for it. He definitely won’t show it. But only you can know he loves it. So your daily trips to the frat house, can also brokke gossip seshs! He’d make sure to have your favourite snacks. Favourite drink. Everything. Just so he can know what girl hooked up with what guy or who fought who.
Frat!rafe is the type to practically cradle you in his arms as he listens to how your day was. Or if you have random rants. He’s a good listener, only for you. If it was one of the boys. It’s in one ear, out the other. But for you? Talk all day, he’s got ears for you. He’d nod, occasionally brush strands of hair out of your face. Occasionally kissing your forehead. Add little comments or thoughts, sometimes questions. He was smart when it came to you. He knew you better than yourself. So he’d know when to ask questions, to keep you talking longer. He loved your voice and your thoughts.
Frat!rafe is the type to buy small gifts, knowing you didn’t do expensive (unless you do, then that’s a different story). He’d buy small trinkets or things that ‘reminded him of you’. Just an excuse to splash his cash on you. Even if it only costed five dollars. If you wanted a piece of clothing or something that you wanted but was over a ‘budget’ you had. Expect it at your sorority doorstep a week later. A personalised card on the inside. ‘Don’t even try to give me a lecture about buying you stuff, I wanted to, love you loads, baby. From RF <3’
Frat!rafe is the type to ask you if you’re okay halfway through and at the end of each ‘intimate’ sessions. ‘You alright? Didn’t go too rough on ya?’ ‘Sure? I know you like and shit, but I don’t wanna hurt you, baby…’
Frat!rafe is the type to change positions, let you finish in your favourite position. While he’ll finish in his. So neither of you could complain, but he thought it was sweet of him to be THAT thoughtful.
Frat!rafe is the type to make you finish the same amount of goals/points you scored if you play sports. Like if you scored three goals in soccer, best believe you’re having a good night.
Frat!rafe is the type to have the sloppiest yet downright best sex if he won a game in football. Just know you’re both having a good night if he wins. Just cause HE won the game, doesn’t mean you aren’t getting a treat either.
Frat!rafe is the type to give you a small peck on the lips after rough sex. Cause he feels a little bad sometimes after you ask to go harder. You asked, ok? So? He still will feel bad. Even if you enjoyed it. You’re his girl. He wants to make you feel good. Even if it’s rough. He’ll still treat you like the princess you are.
Frat!rafe is the type to take long showers with you. Both sexually and non. He just likes the warm water running over you both. He LOVES washing your hair. He loves when you use your small thumbs on his large back muscles. Groaning and loaning at the magic your fingertips hold.
Frat!rafe is the type to only come to you for medical help or massages. Go to the team’s medic? No. Go to the college’s physiotherapist? Hell no. Not when he’s got his girl training for those things. He’s her test subject. And he still benefits from it. So it’s a win-win.
Frat!rafe is the type to cuddle you. So much, it’s cute, but not funny to him. Like it’s his lifeline. Just got in his room? Get on the bed and lay there so he can lay on you. Staying the night? Cuddles. Watching movies? Cuddles. Standing there doing nothing? Cuddles from behind. This guy loves cuddles till the end of time. AND WONT ADMIT IT. EVEN IF ITS OBVIOUS.
Frat!rafe is the type to love his baby girl. Always and forever. He’ll show it in so many ways. Whatever way you want. He’ll show it. You’re his girl, his girl gets treated well. Very well..
919 notes · View notes
lunajay33 · 7 months ago
Text
Waiting🖤
Summary: After decades of being alone without a love of his own he finally finds her in a gloomy town of forks, his brother Edward isn’t the only lucky one
Pairing: Emmett Cullen x f! Swan reader
Warning: angsty, fluffy sunshine Emmett
•Masterlist•
Tumblr media
I never thought much about the future until suddenly the friends I adored most started relationships and left me in the past as if our friendship never even mattered, like their boyfriend was the most important thing
My sister and I use to be close as kids but when she moved away with our mom and rarely visited me and dad, who she regularly called Charlie, we grew apart leaving me feeling like I lost all my friends and my sister, after a while I grew depressed and I never wanted to leave the house, dad grew concerned and after many absent calls from school he allowed me to start home schooling myself and my grades have never been better
Most nights it was just me and Charlie some days I’d get the courage to go down to the reserve hang out on the beach with Leah, Seth and Jake, sometimes I’d go for hikes in the forest behind the house just to clear my head, but other than that I’d stay in my room listening to music, reading the books dad would bring home for me, and doing school work
That’s how life was for so many years, it was routine and it never bothered me and dad loved having me around, after Bella and mom left he was so broken and with my help, even as a little girl, I pulled him out of that deep dark hole and he became that Charlie that joked around and made me smile
But then dad got the call that Bella was moving back for the rest of highschool since mom would be traveling with Phil for baseball, hopeful that I could reconnect with my sister again
Dad and I picked out a new bed spread for her hoping she’d love it, and he even let me pick out a new book as a thank you for helping him out with getting everything ready for her arrival, after a few days it was time for dad to go pick Bella up from the airport in port angeles, I was a nervous wreck which was crazy I mean she’s my sister why should I be nervous
Finally the familiar sheriff cruiser pulled up in the drive way, I walked out the door with an umbrella quickly shuffling over to Bella to cover her from the rain knowing how she favoured the warm dry weather, complete opposite of me
“Welcome home Bella!” I smiled as we walked back inside as dad got her bags following closely behind
She shook off her coat and placed her little cactus down on the counter
“You’ve grown so much you’re a year younger but you’re already taller than me” she said as she hugged me
“Come on bells we’ll show you your room!” Dad said as he walked up the stairs with her bags
Tumblr media
She settled in for the rest of the day until it was supper time, I set out the table and dished up our meal, dads game playing in the background as we ate
“So are you excited for school on Monday?” I asked
“Not really but atleast I’ll have you there”
“What? No im homeschooled remember”
“Well…..” dad drawled out
“Dad what did you do?” My heart was racing now at the implication
“I thought since Bella’s back now it would be good for you to get out there again, you need some experiences honey”
“But you know I have no one there, no one wants to be friends with me we’ve been over this”
“You might make new friends honey, give give it a chance for your old man” I sighed slumping back in my chair trying to wrap my head around having to socialize again
“Atleast you’ll be with me, dad said since your grades are so good you got bumped up a grade and can have some certain classes together, depending on our courses” that settled my anxiety a little
Bella and dad cleaned up from dinner as I sat out on the porch, in desperate need for fresh air to do its magic, only 2 more days and I’ll be back in a school again, who knows maybe some new kids have arrived and aren’t too set in their groups yet
Tumblr media
Monday came quickly and I was a ball of nerves, I glanced in the mirror as made sure my hair was just the way I wanted, wearing a casual outfit, simple flared black leggings, a dark rich blue longsleeve with my old worn out dark brown carhartt jacket, quickly spraying my vanilla perfume
I walked down stairs to meet Bella in the kitchen, she grabbed an apple as she picked up her backpack from the table
“Are you ready to go?” She asked
“Almost can I make a tea quickly?” She nodded and I quickly wiped together a chai tea latte, grabbing my lunch from the fridge and meeting her in the truck dad had gotten for us but since I didn’t have my license, seeing as I never needed one before now, she would be driving us
The drive to school was calming, hearing the steady rain fall against the windshield, pulling into the parking lot everyone stared until we got out, I kept my eyes down as Bella led me to the schools main office
“Okay here’s your schedule, we have math together at the end of the day, the bells about to ring so I gotta head to world history are you good to find your way to chemistry?”
“Oh ummm yeah I’ll be fine”
“Okay see you at lunch” she smiled gently before she left down the hall
Looking at my schedule I memorized the room number hoping it wouldn’t be too hard to find, turning the corner I rammed into what felt like a brick wall, dropping my books I look infront of me to see the most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen, his eyes a golden amber, hair as dark as night and his skin as pale as snow
“Sorry about that, I haven’t seen you around before” he said soothingly as he handed me the books that had momentarily scattered the floor, not even realizing he had picked them up, too busy oogling him I suppose
“Oh yeah I’m just re-enrolling here again, just trying to find my class” he looked down at my schedule a striking smile adorning his face
“Come this way gorgeous, got the same class” walking along the mostly bare hallways I noticed his gentle glide, I’ve never seen such a…..well such a perfect human, obviously I was way out of my league if I could think he’d ever be interested in me, I mean I’m plain and simple what would he ever see in me, best I stay in my lane, but dad did want me to make friends so that couldn’t hurt….right?
We got to the classroom and the teacher assigned us to sit together, the class went by pretty boring, every now and then I’d take glances at Emmett and I swear he did the same but he was probably just looking at someone else, moments like this made me wish I was a beautiful as my sister, she never had a problem with guys wanting her, they basically drooled over her, even if she never acted on any offers she was still wanted
It felt like I was a living ghost most days, no one noticed me anywhere I’d go, a big reason I wanted to be homeschooled, now I’m thrown back into this miserable place, I’ll bet by lunch time Bella with have a table full of new friends while I sit alone, not even a second glance from anyone
Tumblr media
Lunch time rolled around and as I entered the cafeteria I searched for Bella and just as I guessed she was surrounded with bright smiles, excited to get to know her, she glanced my way and I waved hoping she’d wave me over to sit but she just gave a half assed smile and got back to talking with her new friends, I felt my heart rip at that, thinking things would be different this time with her here but I guess I was wrong
I found an empty table near the windows and made myself comfortable for another lonely lunch, I pulled out my bag from my backpack but my appetite was lost and I had no desire to eat so I just pushed my lunch to the side and looked out the window just wanting to go home
Tumblr media
{Emmett’s POV}
I couldn’t get her out of my head, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and her blood sings to me, when she bumped into me in the hallway I felt my whole world shift, she didn’t talk much but just being near her felt right
Lunch came, my least favourite part of the day, having to pretend for an hour, I glanced around the cafeteria hoping to catch a glimpse of my mate again, my eyes landed on her sat alone looking glum a few tables down, the others followed my gaze and smiled knowingly
“Who’s she?” Rosalie asked
“I think she’s my mate”
“Her thoughts are overwhelming loud” Edward stated
“What do you mean?” I asked nervously
“She’s not the happiest girl, I can hear how depressed she is, how unwanted she feels”
“I can feel how broken her heart is” Jasper added
This has to be the worst feeling knowing the one I’m suppose to love unconditionally and she is quite perfect in my eyes, has been broken and feels unloved
I got up from the table and made my way to her sliding in the seat across from her, her eyes were so glazed over with sadness she didn’t even realize I sat down
Tumblr media
{Normal pov}
“So how’s your first day?” I jumped snapping out of my thoughts noticing Emmett is sat across from me
“Oh sorry I didn’t see you, ummm today has been fine I guess, thanks again for helping me earlier”
“It’s not problem, umm I was wondering maybe if you’re not too busy this weekend if you’d wanna hang out?” My heart raced at this
“Really? You wanna hang out with me?”
“Yeah of course, who would wanna spend time with the most beautiful girl in the school” his smile warmed my heart but quickly faded at a realization
“Is this a prank, because if it is it’s cruel” I said as my bottom lip wobbled
“No what? I would never do something like that I really wanna get to know you, so how about after school on Friday I’ll meet you in the parking lot and we can go do something?”
“Okay……sure id really like that” his face beamed with excitement
“Perfect it’s a date then gorgeous”
This felt surreal there’s no way there wasn’t a catch here, how could someone wanna spend their free time with me, but like Charlie said it doesn’t hurt to try, I just hope this doesn’t break my heart more
Tumblr media
Part 2
1K notes · View notes
dreamesamu · 9 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
THE THINGS HE TAKES FOR GRANTED
in which he takes a moment to justify himself after never noticing your little crush for him
starring. msby!miya atsumu x fem!reader
genre(s): angst to fluff, long scenario sets in post-timeskip!
warning(s): reader is nice and overworks herself. not proofhead i apologize
author’s note: It's kind of not what i had imagined but hope you enjoy it.
choose your character: m. atsumu | k. akaashi
Tumblr media
another cliché beginning for the person you are right now - the MSBY team manager - is that you’ve loved the miya atsumu since high school. it’s not like being the team’s manager isn’t your dream, you loved this job and had been dying to do it because you’ve loved volleyball, too. plus, you will have the opportunity to stay close and take care of the team, especially your crush who just merely thinks you are his best friend.
you first laid eyes on him when you were sitting alone on the subway, his dyed-blonde locks caught your attention as he first talked to you about the chase atlantic’s song you were listening to, he was cute, warm and friendly. at that moment, you were verified that he wasn’t the guy who was fond of his fan girls that everybody had been rumoring about. He eventually found out that you guys went to the same high school, so as to start a new beginning of your bonding friendship.
It wasn’t long until you finally realized that you might have adored the pretty setter a little too much than usual. his touches, his smile, the way he calls your name and his genuine characteristics when he was used to you being around seemed a little bit more easy to flutter your heart than every other day. Ever since then, you just hid your feelings and was grateful for what you got right then because you knew that if you confess, you couldn’t get this best friend treatment that you silently fell for for any longer.
You impressed yourself for even keep it until now. you and him are mature and beautiful, but you still can’t help but feel so ‘high school’ when you look at him. the least thing you could do for a friend (crush) is care for him through bottles of flavored electrolyte water, preparing his favorite after-practice snacks and even cool and soft towels to calm the heat down after a match. However, it seems like mr. miya doesn’t notice all of the hard work you did for him, he was so used to be taken care of by you that he accidentally failed to realize the special treatment only for him but nobody else.
“Hey, tired yet? you can call it a day for now if you want?” you smiled, hand over his bottle of water you prepared for him to the softly panting atsumu taking a break on the bench. He is quite preoccupied with his earlier techniques that he need to improve, he only spares you a glance then takes the bottle to drink without saying any words, you assume that he is in a bad mood.
“oh, and” you search for the thing in your bag. “here, your towel”
he nods and takes it, it makes you feel awkward. that’s… all…? You try to not overthink yourself, after all, it was quite a tense match, and the fact that your team will have an important volleyball game the next month proves his concerns are valid.
you watch atsumu leave when hinata shoyo came up to you.
“oh? isn’t that our manager?” you startle at his voice. “hehe, please don’t mind tsumu at all, please, he just got pissed because he made a mistake during practice” the sunshine grins, having him around surely just brighten everything up, because he is just so sweet and comfortable to be with.
“no, no,… I really don’t mind at all, actually” you know atsumu better than anyone so you don’t take his actions to heart sometimes, it’s just…
“oi, oi! I know what you’re thinking, I saw you overthere doing things for tsumu. This guy, honestly…” Hinata sure saw you earlier with enthusiasm written on all over your face while preparing those towels and bottles, he felt bad for you and decided to cheer you up regardless atsumu has just cracked your poor heart a little.
“It’s okay, hinata. thank you for checking on me!” you smile wide, so my efforts wasn’t invalidated at all, gratefully bow down to see the awkward hinata trying to stutter words out.
“no- no, don’t do that, you are our manager, that’s just nothing! besides, seeing you give tsumu so special treatment makes me real jealous!!” he huffs cutely. “I really want that flavored electrolyte water, too! what a shame he wouldn’t notice.”
you laugh sheepishly as you guys return to your dorms to rest. things have been going hard for you like crazy, the work amount weighing on your shoulders make it almost unbearable, but you still stay strong and put a warm smile on your face so nobody would notices. you have been thinking of retiring just in case the situation just got worse to the level of destroying your mental health. but, by thinking of your small joy of seeing atsumu everyday, you hesitated.
your sleepless nights start when the important games take a step closer, you overworked yourself and often feel burnt out, your time with atsumu narrows as you find it hard to start a conversation even in lunch break. atsumu does feel weird. why isn’t y/n sit with us? she is nowhere to be found these days.
“hey, tsum-tsum” said bokuto. “what do you think of y/n?” he said, putting a tray of food on the table while making his way to sit.
“y/n? what’s with her?” the fake blond raises a brow, munching on his food
“I think she’s so cute and thoughtful, base on her affection for you, i betcha she’s completely smitten” the owl laughs as the other teammates giggle along. “you should consider on dating her, what a waste if you don’t, she’s literally girlfriend material, same thoughts huh, hinata?” he winks and the tangerine head give him back a thumbs up.
“dating y/n, huh?” atsumu laughs as if he doesn’t take bokuto’s statements seriously. “I don’t date my friends, you know. besides, y/n is just a close friend of mine, she ain’t my type”
“heartless tsumu… she worked so hard for you these days…” hinata fake crying when talking about you
“I know that she makes snacks and does things for me, but sometimes, that’s just unnecessary, i don’t need it to be all the damn time, it feels a little annoying, i just need to be alone to refresh my thoughts” he sighs. “now you told me to consider on dating her, i wouldn’t know how long i can take it.”
now there is dead silence following his statement, everybody just awkwardly continues finishing their lunch, and you do know eavesdropping is a thing that you shouldn’t do. but you did. before you even notice, hot streams cover your face and you feel your breath hitches. the coach sends you to check on the team at such wrong timing, you can’t face them, the voices earlier destroy your confidence, replace it with angst and hurt. so… what i did is just a bother to him, huh. you realize now, that you were such a dumbass trying to make him catch feeling by all of this. and with the tiniest amount of pride left, you back up a smile and step into the cafeteria, the atmosphere suddenly feels tense as everybody hasn’t been moving on since their last conversation, atsumu feels an uneasy feeling when he sees you behind him, guilt? he thinks.
“hey… coach sent me to check up on you guys, please be well rested at your dorms after lunch, we have practice match at 2pm, alright?” your voice evidently trembles, you try cover it up with some fake coughs. oh, who are you kidding? it’s atsumu miya we’re talking about. he first notices how your eyes are a bit swollen, have you been crying? your tired figure due to sleepless nights, the way you haven’t eaten properly shows right in front of his eyes. he suddenly felt a twinge in his heart, in which moment he never wanted to see you like this, ever again. but, what’s all this for? he doesn’t like you… right? because- you’re his best friend, and caring is what’s best friends do, am I correct?
you left the cafeteria. atsumu feels like his whole head is going to explode, he regrets what he said earlier, knowing seventy per cent that you might have listened to it. he is weak because of guilt and distaste. the group feels uneasy and moody all of a sudden.
“i haven’t told you this before but you’ve seen her now, tsumu… she overworked herself with this huge amount of work with nobody beside her, yet she still maintaining to take care of you with these small gestures.” hinata sighs heavily. “y/n told me not to tell you about her state so you can concentrate on practising, but I’m really worried because now she can’t even hide it anymore. I tried to help, but she pushed me away and told me that i should do my own practices as our game is going to start soon.”
hinata pats atsumu’s back before leaving as if he’s signalling him to make it up to you. atsumu started to cry at this point. how could he be so clueless? he didn’t even know that his best friend was undergoing such pressure, yet why does the term “best friend” sound so irritating? he felt like he had failed to protect you and worse, hurting your feelings and he regretted it, so badly.
The following day comes, atsumu's first task is to search for you. To his astonishment, you are once more nowhere to be found. he was so preoccupied, his spikes aren’t as good, and he could not concentrate on practising, the coach sent him out, and gave him a moment to rethink by himself. and so, he reaches a staff, asking for information about you.
“Y/n? oh… she’s at the infirmary, we noticed her devastated state so we sent her to the doctor a while ago. now think about it I might write a report to the coach asking him to reduce the amount of work she’s handling.”
“thank you, kind sir. may I be the one who’ll write the report? I’m sure I could convince the coach.”
as the man nods, atsumu bowed goodbye to him and sprints to the infirmary where you’re at. he knows, that if anybody should write a report for you, it must be him. he must protect you because he has just realised it now, he likes you a lot more than he could imagine.
“Y/N!” atsumu slams the door open, he faces you with your eyes widened, startled by the bright window.
“tsumu…?” you softly speak.
atsumu in front of your eyes is the atsumu who tries to hold back his tears, biting his bottom lip as the poor heart lurching somewhere in his stomach but somehow still happy because he has found you.
“hey…” he kneels down on one knee beside you. “i’m sorry, angel” his hand softly squishes the smaller one, it holds back gently on his’
in all of the things you dislike, what you utterly don’t want to deal with is your emotions when you see atsumu looking so vulnerable like this. you instinctually grab a tissue and wipe off the sweat drop on his forehead the moment you see it, atsumu’s worried expression won’t vanish unless you speak up something.
“hey…” you smile. “don’t worry, I’m okay now, tsumu” you fondly touch his face with a hand, and he sinks in your touch, eyes glittering. atsumu intentionally plants a soft kiss on your warm palm and watches you go weak for him.
“i like you, y/n” he sighs. “i don’t want us to be just friends. i want to protect you, want to be the kind of guy who mentally support his girl to help her cope with any pressure.”
he looks up to see your widened eyes, without a response, he continues.
“i’m sorry i said the things i didn’t mean when you were there, I was just…" he gulps nervously and you sigh.
"tsumu... if it's too much for you to bear, maybe i should stop doing those things, okay?" you scoff bitterly, he becomes panic
“no, no, no,... i really like the way you care for me, please, i want your attention. please keep doing it. don’t get tired of me…”
you can feel the pulse bumping in your nerves, your heart flutters, and blood rushes into your cheeks just by hearing his confession. you kneel down beside him, fighting back the tears but then you can’t, so you squish him in a hug. atsumu holds you back as you start sobbing on his white shirt, inhales fondly your intoxicating smell and pats rhythmically on your back
“there, there, my angel. i’m here now. i’m sorry i’m late. let me make this up for you, yeah?” he chuckles.
atsumu loves his girlfriend. after hearing you ramble about your tight schedule, he immediately writes a report based on your experience to inform the coach about your condition so that everyone can share in your responsibilities instead of you having to handle everything alone. it wasn’t that long for the msby mates to realize you guys are together, he wrote in that report that he is your boyfriend, anyway.
“you nailed it, tsumu-kun” hinata bumps him with a thumbs up, atsumu responds with a sheepish grin while bokuto laughs beside him and sakusa just doesn’t really give a shit. 
he spots you standing on the opposite road near the brand new cafe, waving back to him smiling, “nah, gotta run. gonna treat my girlfriend with extra pastry today.”
i guess he is the simp now.
Tumblr media
© 2024 dreamesamu. all rights reserved.
a recommendation to cope with your broken heart <3
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes