#sometimes anime fans are overreacting way too much

[fionnalovesanimeboys]

I finally finished watching Tower of god (the first season) and I was expecting that I would hate Rachel despite what people were saying about her. I mean like she was in the list of the most hated characters in anime but I don't really see it? Why? Because she pushed Bam ? Not gonna lie that scene gave me goosebumps.

I mean like I get it she betrayed him and she was even lying to him but I was expecting something way more. Like example laugh to his face or I don't know stab him perhaps but she didn't. People be really putting her in the same place as Bitch from The Rising of the Shield hero. The disrespect...I think Rachel is simply great villain to the story

[distortedataraxia]

Hello! If you still do match up or if you still want to do another one, I'd be really happy if you would make one for me! ^^(this is all by your choice ofc) ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ {I'll try to give a very an accurate description of me!!} Appearance: -Dark brown hair, (close to black and looks similar but is dark brownish if compared to black), Thick type 1A hair haha -Dark brown, almond eyes, double-rowed lashes -a straight nose -downturned lips -apple cheekbones and chubby cheeks -an oval face -I also have moles on the lower left of my chin and lower left of my right eyebrow -a birthmark on the back of my shoulder -medium skintone

Personality: -typology: INTP-T, 9w1 -Straight female - introverted -intelligent but very unfocused - a messy-organized person -instantly clicks with people who have similar interest or similar past -very sweet and loving if we're close -a tease and a bully -strict when needed -loves little kids -seems childish but matured quick since childhood -golden child complex -can understand reasoning and see perspectives both emotionally and logically -accurate analysis -accurate gut instinct -neat and feminine -sly fox, golden retriever, and grumpy cat in one How people describe me: -Morbid -Wednesday Addam-like -A robot -clingy -intimidating -a grumpy person

People are usually very teasing and sweet around me but then proceed to perceive me as creepy and morbid like when I smile at things that are not supposed to be smiled at. Grew up around boys as though the older girls in my family were matured and lived away from me; I picked up some boyish actions while school thought me to be feminine so I'm mixed up on what I am. I have trust issues, its either I'm too trusting or I don't trust at all. I had trauma from abuse at age 6, so I sometimes mistake peoples actions to be what they did to me. I find it hard to connect easily with people my age or older, but do when its younger as I feel the need to be the mature one. I am the parent/baby type of friend, depends on my mood ><. Animal person. My world revolves around them. Prioritizing and planning is not my thing at all!! Nothing works no matter I tell you unless it involves competition. (I feel jealous of people who can prioritize) My mindset is not really as straight as your homophobic relative. I can think of multiple things at once. Music and calming floral scents help my stress and motion sickness. I like anyone as long as you're not scandalous, not a fan of arguments. A REALLY BIG FAN OF DETECTIVE AND COMEDY! I grew up watching those XD. I always have that sudden urge to punch but I always think of the possible outcomes so I don't even try. When I hurt someone's feeling I try to make it up to them depending on what type of person they are but as much as possible no talking cause I feel awkward. I honestly hate when people I know talk about how they were treated worst in childhood when they had emotional and mental support while I had no one because they all mocked me or overreacted. I don't let people take advantage of me unless they were my mother, I could never go against her. I know people's motives most of the time I just don't say a thing. I have Ranidaphobia(frog phobia), no not the cute ones, the toad looking ones. I have barely a sense of fashion, just decency. Always loved art and reading interesting stories. I'm not picky but rather indecisive; again I can think of possible outcomes to my choices. I'm quite sadistic with a sharp tongue, proudly saying its from my mom! (my dad's dead and I prefer it that way). I get more afraid when a character doesn't get something in time than the actual scare in a show. I try to keep negative people out but its inevitable when everyone around you is. I love my mom's food forever. I always thought of having my own family, the effects of of having a broken family does give you the urge to keep one fixed ig. I'm kind and respectful unless I needn't to. Thank you for your time!! I honestly got quite trouble thinking of what to say but I hope you have a great day/night<33

Author note : Hello ! I don't know how old this request is, and i do apology sincerely about the time it took me to reach out to this request - So I can't tell weither or not i was writing for multiple fandoms at the time, however i'll assume this was a ask for Bungou stray dogs, if you come across this post and this was mean to be for another fandom, you can send me a message in my ask box and i can take care of that around - I hope you like this, nontheless, take care and have a good day ! ★double note : i started writing this assuming this was a romantic matchup ask, but when backreading the ask i didn't manage to find weither or not you wanted a romantic ask or platonic (if it's written i apology i may just be pretty tired), so i assumed it was romantic, however you can interpret it however you want, anon ^^

Now into the matchup ★

The first day you guys met was a sunny day in July, you were out to visit your mom this afternoon. It was really hot outside, no wonder, you were melting in place by each steps you took. Until you noticed.. a cat ! Oh my god, a cat ! And the cat was.. hurt, terribly hurt.

What does one do when they see an hurting cat ? Surely they can't let it die like that, what happened to it ?? You approached the cat, and another girl approached the cat, accompanied by a boy.

"Atsushi, look" the girl said, pointing to the cat, the man rushed to the cat and said " Oh that's not good" he glanced down at the cat, and then he glanced up at you " Is this your cat ?" you shook your head no. Even if they were strangers, you couldn't let this cat struggles alone, it seems some humans had fun torturing it and let it out in the wild in this street, nobody seemed to really pay much attention to it, that's messed up.

" No this isn't my cat, i just found it there" you said, you could see that these 2 peoples had good intentions, to be honest, the moment the white haired boy looked at you in the eyes to ask you if it was your cat, you felt something warm, like a good gut feeling, you weren't sure of it, but you felt like this man was good and surely he was going to help the cat, you just knew, and your guts were never wrong.

That day, you got the cat the help it needed with Atsushi and the blue haired girl, and as the 2 strangers were going to take care of the cat temporarily until it finds another shelter, you exchanged numbers because you were very eager to know if the cat was okay or not.

Guess that this day you were late to visit your mom, but you wanted to make sure the cat was okay.

~

I pair you with Atsushi !

~

Atsushi and you go along pretty well, you guys love to look after animals with kyouka and atsushi is really sweet and caring. Despites the fact you may be perceived as creepy and morbid, atsushi may be scared at first but since the day you guys met he has no doubts that you're a nice person because c a t s (simple reasoning here).

Atsushi will never compare his past with yours, he strives to be a person worthy of living and he understands you pretty well.

Atsushi isn't really the type to enjoy arguments either, if anything he wants everyone to get along, so you don't really have to worry about him being problematic.

Atsushi also has an interest concerning interesting stories as he used to use the library of the orphanage as a way to escape the world and breath, kind of like his oxygene - so he knows about a lot of books and you guys certainly can discuss interesting stories together. Atsushi can be pretty shy and akward, but he can be very loving and affectionate and he'll do his best so that you feel comfortable aswell.

I can definitely see Atsushi wanting to build a family outside of the main storyline plot, and he'll surely value his responsibilities as a dad greatly.

I think you guys can get along very well and understand each other too, i can imagine you guys going on walks, and stopping by to feed some animals - Atsushi will definitely respect your ranidaphobia and if you guys ever come across the toad-looking frogs, he'll uhm.. try to defend you ; i can imagine something quite like this, it could be pretty akward but funny, anyways i will let that up to you to imagine !

Atsushi is not the type to force you to talk when you don't want to so you don't have to worry about that, i think one of atsushi love's language may be gift giving so i can imagine him buying you or making you a gift there and there under kyouka's advices as you and her may be platonically close, i can also imagine you, atsushi and kyouka draw some things together.

Nontheless, Atsushi will always respect you and you guys can get a long on a lot of possible things, you're overall a very sweet pair

[dyketubbo]

it's so weird to see people just straight up act as if c!tubbo did the outpost out of malicious intent or act as if he's unreasonable or overreacting for being a spy (i agree that the nuke threat is Too Much for a situation where tubbo would lose less than las nevadas, but that's kind of just how threats work. also not what this is about), like. i know many don't pick up on how tubbo's character works, and many just disregard his way of doing lore just because it doesn't look like the way others do it (and because tubbo himself doesn't think he does lore, but that's because of fans getting way too damn strict about what counts as lore), but. sometimes it's weird to see people talk about c!tubbo and even criticize him when they actively admit to not understanding him and don't seem to put in the work to do so

and normally i wouldn't just go straight up "you're wrong so you clearly haven't put the work into understanding them" but in this situation.. tubbo has actively said his reasoning? if you have a shaky memory of it, that's fine! but. it's still around. you're completely able to go back and listen to him talk, or to at least find recaps of it, people clipping the main parts, whatever. if you don't understand something, and the reasoning is available for you to go through, then either focus on something else if you don't want to listen or actually listen to it

tubbo's stated that he understands that his outpost looks threatening and as such, responded that he's trying to defend himself and doesn't want to attack if it's not necessary to do so, he just doesn't want to seem like he can be walked over like he has in the past. and while building initially, he talks about wanting to keep an eye on them, but nothing about destruction. he's only made it so big and obvious because he's aware that now people already know he's there, yes he lied to quackity about his intentions of spying, but that's literally just how spying works. is it super moral to spy? no, but he's suspicious of it due to the theme of it, and because it's a big country out of (what tubbo sees as) nowhere. not to mention foolish leaving snowchester for it likely only furthered his interest, because now it's a situation where he sees people moving to las nevadas and wants to know why (by the way he,, doesn't know that the others have nothing? quackity sure, but as far as tubbo knows the rest of the residents *have* other homes, again, foolish literally had one *in* snowchester). there. his reasoning. so no, it's not somehow unreasonable for tubbo to act how he did, it didn't come out of nowhere, and his reasoning is Right There in multiple streams, built up over his entire arc, if you don't understand, unfortunate. but don't criticize him for being unreasonable or overreacting (ABOUT MAKING THE OUTPOST. AGAIN THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE MORALITY OF THE NUKE THREAT.) when he doesn't truly *want* to destroy las nevadas, he just wants to keep an eye on it without getting his shit destroyed

and on the nuke threat, like many have said (hell i said this about tubbo and his nukes even before the outpost was made), it's the equivalent of a cat puffing up to tell you to piss off. or even just animals in general! there's many many animals that have defense mechanisms based around "i'm warning you, don't come close, if you leave me alone i won't pursue you but if you provoke me i will attack you". it's a wasp's bright yellow stripes, a cat puffing up, a snake rattling its tail. he doesn't Want to hurt las nevadas, or quackity, or anyone. but if he gets pushed too much, he will. not wanting conflict does not equal being unwilling to go through conflict if necessary. yes, the nukes are a bit much, but he doesn't want to use them, and likely won't do so. he wants them to leave him alone, that's what the threat is.

[dragon-ball-meta]

It's amazing how the very things some 'fans' dunk on Krillin and Chi-Chi for and wonder why their significant others chose them are the very things that 18 and Goku love about them. I.E his gentleness and good heart and her tough as nails strong willed nature etc.

OK... I have a take on this that may be a tiny bit controversial, but I feel it needs to be said. The reason Krillin and Chi-Chi are dunked on for their personalities, especially in a series where characters with similar ones are loved, is not because of their personalities. ...it’s because they’re not seen as sexy. Both in terms of appearance and personality. No, you didn’t read that wrong and I’m going to explain to you why. Chi-Chi is seen as bitchy, bossy, always trying to have things her way, “forcing Goku to do things he doesn’t want to do” like... get a job or spend some time doing normal family stuff. How awful. The thing is, there’s another character in this series who had similar personality traits dialed up to freakin’ 11. And that character is Bulma. Bulma was always very bossy. She was borderline abusive at times (if you look at that outside the context of comedic overreactions, at least), she would throw a fit over other girls talking to Yamcha and accuse him of cheating, she would demand attention, she would turn on a dime and flirt openly with anyone she found attractive, and even when on a mission to revive her boyfriend whom she had wept over, she... found herself thinking of other men and even trying to throw tail at Zarbon (in her anime depiction at least, but in the manga she was still dazed by his good looks). She was selfish, would slap, kick, punch, scream, etc. But she’s never really considered to be a shrew, or a “bitch”, or what have you because... well... she’s sexy. She shows skin, shows cleavage, flaunts her curves, is fashionable. She’s seen as a sort of “sex symbol” for it rather than in any sort of negative light. And yes, Bulma does change and grow up as the series progresses, but there are still elements of this present in her, and even when she hadn’t? She was still loved by the fandom. And to further illustrate this, not only does Vegeta acknowledge that’s part of what he finds attractive about Bulma, a la Goku with Chi-Chi, but even in the fandom itself, when there are fan works or figures sexualizing or “sexing up” Chi-Chi in the same way as Bulma? They are RIGHT there lining up to drool. The same dudes who say they can’t STAND her will sit there and WISH she would wear that in the show, act like that in the show, etc. They openly bemoan that she stopped wearing the barbarian bikini armor and started dressing more conservatively. And on the flipside, some also bemoan that she, unlike Bulma, is a more traditional housewife, happily. Bulma’s out there running a whole company, y’see, so any of these other women being more traditional wives or mothers? That’s a negative. And since Chi-Chi is the epitome of that, SHE is bad while Bulma is good. (To be clear, there’s a whole other discussion to be had there as to whether some of that is a valid series criticism to some degree, but I’ve seen people take that wayyy too far with Chi-Chi.) They say she was hindering Goku by trying to hold him responsible, they say that she “ruined” Gohan by FORCING him to study instead of fight, and ignore that Gohan himself preferred it. (He’s a SAIYAN, y’see, he HAS to like fighting, it’s in his blood. Chi-Chi just choked it out of him, that’s all!) Ridiculousness of that sort. And on the Krillin front... well.. just look at Gohan. Gohan and Krillin have shockingly similar personalities. They’re both dorks, they both have a corny sense of humor (in a loveable way), they’re both a bit socially awkward with the opposite sex, they both love and dote on their families and adore their daughters, both even get back into martial arts for the sake of their families but put their jobs and roles as family men and breadwinners first and foremost.  But for some reason, you see Gohan with these ridiculous, over-the-top harems and Krillin the victim of NTR by pretty much every character in the entire franchise at this point. Some people actually even ship 18 with Gohan over Krillin because they think the “take-charge dominant woman x nerd” dynamic is better when that’s the same dynamic that exists with her and Krillin. Why? Well... because Gohan is sexy. Gohan is powerful, traditionally handsome, tall and muscular. Krillin is... short. Missing a nose. Comparatively not powerful and not as muscular. His gentleness is seen as weakness, not kindness. He doesn't have his badass moments of beating the snot out of the main villain while glaring and making women swoon and men jealous. Ergo, he is bad. He is a beta male. He is a “cuck”. He doesn’t “deserve” his wife, he doesn’t “deserve” to be anything but a joke. 18 “settled” for him, and thus their relationship is “toxic”. I even once saw someone say that she settled in a series where “the men are ranked by actual, literal numbers (power levels)” and that 18 thus “not only settled, but sank to near the center of the earth” with Krillin. I’ve seen people say that since Toriyama said in interviews outside the series that he partly let Krillin have his dream of getting married because he felt bad for always writing him having bad things happen to him, that their relationship is bad because that also means 18 got with him out of pity or obligation and teaches that “women are rewards” when the manga itself shoots that whole idea down. These are all real takes. Make no mistake, Gohan will sometimes be bashed by those who have toxic ideas of masculinity as well, but he still gets an overall pass because of his cool factor and... well, sex appeal. Even straight dudes find him cool enough to project onto, and others just lust after him. Plus, if push comes to shove, just imagine that Gohan became “badass again” in fanfic land. Much harder sell with someone like Krillin. The fandom has a very, very nasty case of double-standards throughout, however. This is just the tip of a very unfortunate iceberg.

[lipstickbisous]

the lion and her sun. (7)

ALL WE WANTED WAS TO SEE YOU.

notes: ooofffffff i’m SO excited for this chapter yall i might be overreaction (probably am) but this is really a stepping point in the story whew.

i rEALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE U CAN GET THE HINT AT THE END TEHE.

when u realize dornish culture is more like indian culture instead of spanish culture but u just go with it.

pairing: oberyn x oc!reader, ellaria x oc!reader

summary: a trip to salt shore and one night spent on their stay, oberyn and aurane come to a relevation.

warnings: um..it’ll be a spoiler...so no...smut (thigh riding, but not much), lil make out session

word count: 5.7k

masterlist

“and what happens if he finds out?” aurane was not usually so paranoid and nervous when running around behind doran’s back. her and oberyn had done it before--in the first months of their marriage, they’d gone for walks in the middle of the night through the city even when he’d given them strict instructions to remain in the castle and gardens.

oberyn and aurane’s guards were currently carrying their packed cases onto a one large carriage drawn by several horses. the moon stood high in the night, perfectly angled so that, in the darkness with the dim lighting of oberyn’s lantern, he could see every detail on the princess. doran would hopefully still be sleeping his chambers, but the idea of him waking to his brother and sister-in-law, along with their paramour, escaping in the night was sort of terrifying to aurane.

the bustling of soldiers was quiet but acted as a white noise. “then he’ll be furious,” oberyn responded, dragging his fingers across aurane’s jaw. although they were family, and oberyn loved his brother very much, doran had the ability to punish them if he really wanted. “we’ll have to deal with it. but he won’t find out,” a kiss to her nose. “not until we’re in salt shore.” that smirk delivered a shudder down aurane’s spine but, due to the intensity of the situation, she ignored it.

ellaria poked her head out of the even larger carriage that would hold the three of them during their journey. “we must leave now,” she yelled in the distance; anyone in the castle would simply year a muffled sound. the last of the bags were loaded onto the luggage carriage and aurane sighed. “come, lion,” ellaria held her hand out. “let our prince deal with formalities.”

with a sigh and a comforting smile from her husband, aurane left oberyn’s embrace and let herself fall into the hold of her second lover. ellaria, who had bathed just before they packed for their trip, now smelled of cinnamon and baked goods. “we will all be together for the next week,” ellaria smiled, sitting aurane on top of her so that she straddled her lap. aurane’s hands mindlessly placed themselves on ellaria’s cheeks. the older woman had always lovingly rambled about aurane’s beauty and grace and how ‘a woman so young could look so mature’. but when they pressed themselves against each other like this, in such a position that it made aurane feel slightly feral, all aurane could appreciate in the moment was ellaria’s beauty. how the lines that shown over age made her look wise, how as time passed, her body had kept its neat posture and her skin didn’t loosen. how in that head of hers, ellaria held knowledge and advice that aurane couldn’t even muster.

“my two lovers,” oberyn whispered as he climbed into the carriage, a guard shutting the door behind him. the lock clicked and now, the three were in complete silence and privacy. to break the latter, oberyn held the back of aurane’s head, turned her towards him, and kissed her forehead, “we only have a week ahead of us.”

his first paramour smirked as aurane leaned into the prince’s touch, her hips still touching ellaria’s. “perhaps we can find something to occupy the time.”

a hand found itself on aurane’s thigh, but she couldn’t trace whose since her eyes had squeezed shut with a pinch to her ass. oberyn began to lift her skirt up so that it bunched at her stomach before unhooking it and throwing it to the other side of carriage. compared to the bedroom her and oberyn shared, this carriage seemed so small. a sigh emitted itself from her mouth once oberyn’s lips were latched onto the skin of her neck.

“what do you feel, lion?” he whispered, and the carriage began to move but it was nothing in the moment.

ellaria’s hands were firm on aurane’s hips as she centered aurane’s now open slit against her bare thigh. she pushed aurane forward back on her leg, and, as a reaction to the pleasurable feeling, the princess pushed her back onto oberyn’s shoulder. his fingers were sweeping over her spine, reaching lower and lower until he cupped her ass. as ellaria continued to grind aurane’s heat over her thigh, oberyn began to coo.

“all the distress you’re feeling,” he murmured, slightly deadened by his lips on her neck, now trailing to her collar bone. he sat on his knees before breaking his contact with aurane. his fingers held ellaria’s chin as he pulled her closer, pressing his lips on hers. ellaria’s movements began to quicken as aurane’s slick made it easy for her to buck her clit for pressure. in between kisses, he spoke, “you don’t deserve it.”

ellaria shook her head and broke her kiss with oberyn before placing a hand between her and aurane, gently pressing on the bead. aurane whimpered and practically became an oozing liquid in oberyn’s arms. “none of it,” ellaria spoke, tucking her head underneath aurane’s chin, flush against her chest.

with ellaria’s touch on her clit as an already overpowering feeling, oberyn added two more fingers and began to rub. “you’re always so good to us,” he whispered, sucking red marks into the skin on shoulder blade and he pushed her hair out of the way. “this pussy is always so wet, so slick, and gods,” he growled and broke his kisses on her and his fingers from her clit, and he placed his two digits in his mouth. “you always taste so sweet.”

“like heaven,” ellaria cooed.

the heat in aurane’s core felt stronger than ever as ellaria’s pace on her hips was even faster. her arms wound their way behind her as they unbuttoned oberyn’s pants and he discarded himself of the tunic he wore that night. she could feel his cock hardening in just her touch and it was enough to let herself flood over her paramour. “fuck,” she whispered, furrowing her eyebrows in frustration as she wanted nothing but her orgasm. she began to clench around nothing more than air and ellaria smiled.

“look at you,” she praised, soon feeling a hand reaching her own heat. oberyn only smirked while aurane began to stroke his length, running her thumb over the slit. “so needy, so perfect for us.”

oberyn thrusted into aurane’s hand. she would never tell him so, although because his mind knew almost everything he could probably guess it, but she loved the feeling of his cock in her hands. it was long and girthy and as it weighed down in her palm, her fingers rubbing over its head, she let her other hand cover her mouth once a scream threatened to leave. oberyn ripped her hand away, bucking into her hand again. “always so perfect for us,” he cooed directly into her ear. “don’t hide yourself, lion. cum for us.”

she turned to him as ellaria placed her lips underneath aurane’s ear. aurane’s eyes were shut, her jaw dropped open, and her senses were suddenly becoming weakened. the feeling of the silk sheets beneath her, how sticky the summer night air was, oberyn’s cock in her hold, her orgasm approaching, ellaria’s kiss becoming harsher, her husband’s gentle yet demanding curses and whispers--it was all overwhelming.

she let go.

―

traveling on road had not been as fun for aurane. she could admit that, sometimes, she would find the smell of saltwater somewhat sickening, but that didn’t mean she hated it. the paths their carriages traveled on were rough and bumpy, making it hard for the three to enjoy pleasant nights. they had stopped for camp three times during the week, and really, those had been the only nights where aurane, oberyn, and ellaria could truly enjoy themselves.

salt shore, a grand city right against the beach, lied only an hour away now. aurane sat impatiently her head resting against ellaria’s shoulder. nervous thoughts had kept her awake the night before, so currently, despite her excitement for the new city awaiting her arrival, she was beginning to fall asleep.

“my sun,” oberyn’s voice was light as he bent down to her eye level. she began to awake but her eyelids were heavy and her body felt loose. “we’re almost there. the scenery is beautiful.”

aurane hummed in response but tucked her head into ellaria’s arm. “i think she loves me more,” ellaria teased her lover and watched as he rolled his eyes and playfully shooed them.

with her eyes closed and her mind regaining its conscience, she curled into ellaria and slurred, “i love you both equally.”

“that’s what they all say, lion,” he whispers and lies himself on the bed. the blinds on their windows blocks at the harsh sun. the lower they traveled over westeros, the hotter the sun got. even oberyn began to sweat the tiniest bit. there was a reason aurane and ellaria were almost naked in their carriage.

the princess whined and squeezed her eyes before rubbing her cheeks. “gods, it’s too hot,” she complained, pushing herself off of ellaria. they both sighed in relief at the cold air touching the skin that had once connected them. their hands, the only source of a breeze, tried their best to fan themselves but to no avail. “was this is a mistake?” she joked, half delirious.

oberyn’s gaze softened as he handed a container of water to his lovers. they reached for it desperately, and if they had been animals, they would be starving tigers to the point where oberyn could see their ribs, and he would be the evil ringmaster who denied them any food--apart from the fact that as soon as he saw the desperation in their eyes, he sat himself in between them and let them share the water. “i hope not,” he laughed, and once the container was empty, it was thrown onto the ground. “i’m going to receive a lifetime of shit from my brother for this.”

“we’re going to receive a lifetime of shit for this,” aurane corrected him. it was as if she were drunk, ellaria too, but it had been ironic since they hadn’t obtained any sort of alcohol--the heat had gotten to the wine. “are we almost there?”

she was growing impatient and oberyn couldn’t blame her. he inhaled and parted his lips to speak, soon noticing that ellaria fell into a deep rest, her head gently falling against the pillows, beads of sweat trailing down her temple. the fabric of her light dress had turned so damp that aurane could now see her nipples just peeking through the material.

“soon, my sun,” he lied down next to his paramour and patted the spot of the bed next to him. aurane rested her back on the mattress and pulled the linens that were now turning sticky from sweat away from her skin. “we’re going to find as much as we can there.”

aurane turned to her side and watched as his eyes wandered down to her lips as she gently bit her bottom one. her vision was becoming hazy. “i hope so.”

when she awoke, it was because of ellaria’s gentle coos in her ear, her fingers grazing over her shoulders and winding through her hair. because of the heat, her perfume was stronger than ever, and for the first time during their trip, aurane could smell saltwater. “lion,” her voice was sweet and honey-like. “wake up, lion.” ellaria sounded more eager than usual. aurane, even in her tired state, could sense that the carriage had come to a stop.

her eyes opened and, just for a few seconds, her vision was blurry. the door to their carriage was open, letting in a slight breeze that reminded aurane of the shore.

the shore.

“we’re here, lion,” ellaria tucked a piece of hair behind aurane’s ear. during their nap, aurane’s braid had unraveled itself, so ellaria now aided the princess in sitting up. she took out the ribbon that had held the braid together and combed her fingers through aurane’s hair.

aurane rubbed her eyes and felt ellaria’s fingers on her scalp. “it’s not as hot,” she noticed. the air, while still heated and sticky, had a slightly cooler feeling to hit that felt good against her skin. “why is not as hot?”

the mindless yet sweet comments coming from the princess had ellaria chuckling. just as cersei had done all those years ago back in casterly rock, she separated aurane’s hair into three sections and began to fold them together. when she done, she tied the ribbon around the end of the braid and smiled, “look outside.”

aurane stepped foot out of the carriage and was instantly met with the seagulls squawking above them, the waves crashing against coarse sand--when compared to the softer sand of sunspear--and before her stood a great castle made from concrete and stone. below the castle was a small city, closer to the size of what aurane had been told winterfell was like. but unlike winterfell, the sun was shining gloriously on the city and it seemed to sparkle. aurane could hear footsteps drawing closer and closer to her, along with the guards unpacking their bags.

“my sun,” oberyn whispered and held her wrist in his hand. he brought it to his lips and gently kissed. “welcome to salt shore.”

during her life, even if it hadn’t been a long one so far, aurane had never traveled much. she’d moved from casterly rock to king’s landing and had even visited highgarden once, but she had spent her days in the red keep. her only friends were her siblings and her maidens--she felt embarrassed to say that she also considered her pet cat a friend. but over the past year, she’d seen more places than she had in her twenty-six years of life.

she smiled and noticed two people dressed in white linens and sturdy fabrics. they were the gargalens, and doran had informed her of their hatred for lannisters. “are we staying in the castle?” aurane asked.

oberyn nodded gravely and noticed her discontent. “they respect you more than the common people,” he whispered hoarsely and ellaria pushed herself out of the carriage. “staying in the city would be dangerous.”

―

mallery airen had been born in sandstone but was raised in salt shore. when she was a child, all she wanted to do with her life was run around the beach and own a small house near the shore. she loved the harsh storms that would always make a mess of their city, even the lightning and thunder. her parents had never sent her away to be married or pressured her into love, and they believed it was partially their fault that she fell in love with a lannister.

for years, they’d hidden the truth simply from the fact that they felt tywin lannister stole their precious daughter away from them.

once the word of mallery’s death in king’s landing had been announced, the airen’s were infuriated. they went to their royals and spread the news, angering the cities.

tywin lannister had supposedly raped their daughter and forced her to casterly rock. only they knew the truth. and once war had threatened to break, the airen’s felt shame and embarrassment. now, there was a princess, the product of what had really happened between tywin and mallery. and that princess was currently strolling through the city of salt shore, her husband on her arm, her paramour on her other.

the beliefs of dorne were set--they were separated from the rest of westeros and were therefore more liberal than the other cities. but oberyn’s own people seemed to betray them as they quietly hissed as she walked by. the gargalens had promised the safety of aurane, which also meant that there were an estimated amount of twenty guards protecting her as she walked.

“they don’t seem too violent,” ellaria whispered, trying her best to stay optimistic in the situation. as they strolled deeper into the city, the derogatory hisses from the crowd grew louder and oberyn’s protective grip grew stronger. you could see through the armor of the soldiers that each crowd member was patiently waiting with various objects in their hands. there was the normal tomato or rotting fruit, while others held things like wooden blocks, shards of glass, and balls of hardened mud--but they didn’t dare to throw the items, not with aurane under the royal’s protection.

the airen’s house was closer to the great market of salt shore, and that couldn’t have been more than two minutes away. two more and final minutes of booing, hissing, shouting, and threatening stares.

it was this moment, when aurane was so close to the truth, to her mother’s story, she realized she had no idea what to say. she had countless questions yet she couldn’t muster up any of them. her entire life had been trailing up to this second, and now, she was lost. a wave of heat swept over aurane. the sun was scorching above them because, unlike in dorne, the city of salt shore had almost no trees. with her arm wrapped around oberyn’s, she did her best in this position to try and fan herself.

a loud huff caught oberyn’s attention. “my sun?” he asked, noticing how she was sweating more than before and her lips had turned into a dull color than her normal sweet pink.

“it’s hot,” she huffed again through tightened lips. she would not show she was losing composure in front of people who wanted to witness her pain.

ellaria seemed to notice her faltering demeanor as well. “sweet girl,” she asked. of course, salt shore had it effect on ellaria as well--she spent the entire night sweating instead of sleeping--but aurane had seemed perfectly fine with the climate. “should we turn back?” ellaria and oberyn assumed it was because her mother had been of salt shore descent but now, as aurane’s stomach felt queasy and her face went bland, they shared a look of hesitation.

“no,” aurane breathed loudly, capturing the attention of even a few guards. “i’m not just giving up.” her pace quickened again and they began to walk at their initial speed.

it seemed that the next few minutes, aurane had gained control of her body again. the crowd continued to jeer at the princess. ellaria even went as far as growling at someone who had gotten too close to them, holding a sharp rock in their hand. “don’t let it delay you,” oberyn whispered as they approached a tall house that blended in with the rest of the city.

outside hung a clay flower that had been painted pink and blue and orange and yellow with hundreds of small petals. a dahlia.

aurane wasn’t sure if it was irony or a coincidence. she brushed it off.

the crowd began to disperse when they stood in front of the doors to the airen’s house. aurane recognized it to be a certain wood from sunspear, but she soon realized she was only finding small things to take her mind off of the feeling that this would life-altering.

her mother. her beautiful mother, who she had only been told stories of--only cersei and her father could describe how gorgeous mallery really was. the mother who gave her life so aurane could be standing here now.

“are you ready, lion?” oberyn looked down to aurane as her eyes only focused on the door.

she smiled. she thought of her mother and how, when she was a child, she would run around these streets of the city. how this had once been her home. “always.”

a knock. a simple knock and just a few seconds of waiting before the door was opened, revealing a small woman with graying hair and slightly taller man behind her. their skin had aged over time but had kept its darker shade of color. the woman gulped loudly. the top of her head just touched the bottom of aurane’s chin. “hello, child.” she spoke sweetly, her eyes widening. aurane smiled and looked to the man. he nodded and repeated his wife.

quick to correct themselves with formalities with, “my lord, my lady.” the old woman curtsied and her husband bowed soon after.  aurane just couldn’t break her eye contact with...her grandmother. someone who she had never seen before was so connected to her. she couldn’t even speak or make any sort of coherent noise. “come in...aurane.”

it was awkward, and aurane didn’t want that at all. the woman and her husband parted from each other to create a small gap so that the three could easily enter their home. the ceiling had been too low for oberyn, so after letting his two lovers in first, he bent down and closed the door behind him. “we could hear them outside,” the older man spoke with joyful tears in his eyes at the sight of his granddaughter.

“i suppose you don’t know our names,” the woman spoke, setting down two clay cups filled with water that looked uncomfortably warm. aurane pushed her shoulders back to fix her posture and smiled politely.

“no,” she whispered, holding in every ounce of excitement. “i don’t.”

the husband took his place next to his wife and pushed a cup of water to aurane. “we can tell that you’re nervous,” he spoke kindly and carefully. ellaria stood next to her lover in the kitchens, close to the entrance so that they could hear every word. “my name is jasim,” he smiled, sitting his elbows on his knees. “this is my wife, samaya.” the older woman waved gently.

it was silent for the next few seconds, before glances were exchanged and aurane laughed brokenly. “and i’m aurane,” she choked out, feeling hot tears beginning to pool in the bottom of her eyes. “your granddaughter.”

“you look just like her,” samaya offered, capturing the way aurane’s loose hairs framed her face, how her nose just slightly curved, her top lip in a bow-shape. her skin so pure and so far from becoming withered and gray. “how could you be a lannister?”

aurane couldn’t even find offense in this remark. she’d put her old family in the past and was now opening new revelations of this one. while she felt miserable for not replying to her sister’s letters, she also told herself that not once had her family even tried to meet with her mother’s side.

maybe that’s because they wanted to kill them. the other part of aurane thought.

she chuckled as a tear dropped into her lap. “i had so many questions for you,” both of the older ones in the room softened their gaze (if it were even possible) and leaned forward. samaya placed her hand on aurane’s knee. while shrugging and dictating the first words she thought of, aurane questioned, “what was she like?”

the mere mention of her daughter left samaya with a broken sob. her and her husband thought of mallery everyday, but with their granddaughter--their beautiful granddaughter who was a spitting image of mallery--sitting in front of them, they broke. “she was lovely,” jasim whispered and looked to the gods above them. “by the seven, she was wild, as well.”

“always getting into trouble,” samaya motioned outside, where the flow of the crowd had diluted and the yelling had stopped. “you won’t believe how many times she would run away. off to the market, off to the beach.”

more sad laughter filled the room and bounced off of the concrete walls. aurane was sure that oberyn and ellaria was listening as much as possible--after all, she had dragged them all the way here. “the fish market,” jasim sniffled and wiped away the itch under his nose. “the owner always had to walk her back home because she would get lost.”

samaya nodded and her lit up. “when she was your age, she wanted to see the world,” it was like the memories were physically playing out directly in front of her. “we could never stop her. she traveled everywhere through dorne, even once to highgarden. but mallery said it was too cold.”

“yes,” aurane agreed, nodding her head and leaning on her right side. she rubbed her eyes to wipe the tears away but they replaced by several new ones. “looking back now, king’s landing and casterly rock is freezing compared the dorne.”

then, it was silent. back in the kitchen, ellaria and oberyn shared unsure glances. while the truth had yet to be shared, samaya and jasim truly believed that tywin lannister had stolen their daughter from them. of course they knew that their lies would soon catch up to them. they also knew that aurane deserved the truth because here she was, twenty-six years later in their home, dozens of questions whizzing about in her head but not one could settle down her to ask.

“we assume,” jasim started and pursed his lips. this would be harder than they thought. “you want to know about- um,”

samaya sighed and gulped loudly. “your parents.” she finished for her husband and he nodded.

aurane’s chest rose with one large inhale. her fingertips were picking at her nails, her hair was tickling the back of her neck, and for a second, it had been so quiet that she could hear even oberyn and ellaria’s breaths. she felt an eyelash fall into her eye, but she didn’t bother to wipe it out as she breathed out, “yes.”

in the kitchen, oberyn and ellaria closed their eyes and she leaned her forehead against his shoulder. as much as she wanted to whisper something, anything, to her lover, she was silent. “your mother had been so excited the day they came marching in with their golden and red flags. she was...happy to meet new people, she always was,” samaya sniffled and a tear dropped directly onto the floor.

“she had friends that were flirting with the soldiers, and looking back now,” jasim laughed and let his eyelids fall. he sighed with a broken laugh, “it was hilarious to watch grown woman so shamelessly flirt with those young men.”

samaya placed a hand on her husband’s back and looked to their granddaughter for any sort of response. aurane’s eyes were fixated on the concrete floor, staring at the small patches of dust that had collected over time. “but your mother,” she spoke. “she didn’t want anything to do with the soldiers. a certain man had his eyes on her. gods, she spent the entire week smiling.” her hand linked with jasim and they simultaneously felt a clenched hand twisted around their hearts. “one day, she told us she would be leaving salt shore. and at first, we were fine, she’d traveled before,” samaya broke with one sob.

“but then, she told us of...your father,” jasim, to that day, could not bring himself to say that man’s name. “we tried to stop her from leaving. the lannisters had been cruel before and we didn’t want anything to happen to her.”

aurane’s heart cracked in two. her throat began to tighten and it felt impossible to breathe. sweat began to drip down her cheek but it was difficult to tell whether it was a tear or not. there was a punch to her chest as samaya continued to speak. “and the news began to spread. she was holding you inside of her,” aurane closed her eyes to find some kind of composure. “we didn’t know how to feel.”

jasim’s voice stuttered, quick to correct his wife. “we were happy to hear of you, we’d always wanted grandchildren,” he spoke surely, regaining his mental strength. “but, for a while, we wanted nothing to do with you. not the product of tywin lannister and our daughter. she sent us countless letters and we only responded to one,” aurane’s hand clenched the edge of her chair, her nails digging into the wood sure to leave moon-shaped indents. “but then she passed.”

“all we wanted was to see you,” they whispered together. aurane nodded and pursed her lips close together. her people had hated her for a rumor that had never, not once, been true--half of dorne hated her for the same reason. “but we had already started the rumors. we told everyone your father raped our girl and hurt her.”

it was silent again. oberyn pressed a firm kiss to ellaria’s head and craved to do the same for wife, feeling the uncertainty and confusion she felt. “there’s nothing we regret more,” his heart broke for his princess.

suddenly, it had gotten hot again. aurane’s chest ached, sending waves of pounding pain to her head. her skull was splitting open, her eyes were watering, and her entire body became sticky with sweat. “my child, what is wrong?” samaya felt stupid for asking, but she did not expect such a reaction.

aurane choked on her words and could barely even blink. “so they did love each other,” she whispered almost indistinctly. oberyn took this as a silent omen to wander his way into the room, setting his hands on her shoulder and placing his lips on the top of her head. “so my sister and brothers had been right.”

both jasim and samaya nodded gravely. aurane felt ellaria’s fingers wrapping around her own as she sat herself down on the floor. “we’re sorry, aurane,” jasim said shamefully.

oberyn’s lips trailed down to her ears where he whispered, “do you want to go, lion?” the mention of their granddaughter leaving after they had just finally met widened samaya and jasim’s eyes, and their jaws dropped open samaya shook her head with a whispered, ‘no’. aurane found comfort in the way the wood had been woven in the chair she sat on and how with every small movement she made, it would make the lightest creaking noise. aurane looked up at her husband with a crooked smile and nodded.

“you can’t leave,” samaya stood as she watched oberyn place his hand just above the curve of aurane’s ass. she rose from her chair and ellaria wrapped her arm around her shoulders, glaring at the old woman. how dare they lie? ellaria could never find respect for the lannisters, not after elia, but not ever did her lion deserve such pain. “no, you can’t. we just met you.”

a hand grabbed aurane’s wrist as they began to exit the small home that only a few minutes ago aurane had admired. “please,” jasim begged loosening his grip. “we just found you. you’re all we have, please.”

they lied. they lied.

“i’ll visit again some other time,” was all aurane said before turning on her heel. oberyn pushed open the front door her, closing it behind them just as he had when they entered. the guards still stood outside, clad in their shiny armor and weapons in their hands.

―

you will come home immediately.

- doran.

“you will come home immediately,” oberyn mocked with a curled lip as he tossed in his brother’s letter into the trash bin. the gargalens had given the three from sunspear a gorgeous room near the shore, and until this moment at the end of the week, oberyn, aurane, and ellaria had used it to their advantage. ellaria sat next to her princess, caressing the cheek of the random dark-haired maiden they invited to their bed. aurane had a boy clinging onto her torso, littering the skin of her stomach with dozens of kisses and another girl combed her fingers through her hair. “my fucking brother. can’t even let us have any fun.”

ellaria chuckled and pressed a kiss on her maiden’s forehead. “don’t worry about him, lover,” she slurred, drunk off of the fact that their last day in salt shore was spent on pleasure. “we have each other right now.” she looked to aurane who was just barely leaning into the gentle touch of the girl’s fingers in her hair. with her hands pressed against her maiden’s stomach, ellaria placed her on the bed and crawled over to the princess. “what distresses you, lion?”

she could just barely breathe. aurane began to sweat again, causing the maiden brushing her hair to immediately let go and look to ellaria with worried eyes. ellaria shooed the girl and boy away, focused on whatever was causing aurane pain. oberyn observed how aurane’s eyes became hazy and her lips were discolored. “my sun?” he furrowed his eyebrows and rushed to the edge of the bed where sat wearing nothing more than a silk robe.

aurane sighed and squeezed her temples for relief of her headache. there was a sickening pain in her lower stomach and her hand flew to clutch the skin. she leaned her head back onto ellaria’s shoulder, but before she could say anything at all, ellaria looked to her lover. his eyes were bright and his lips parted. “fuck,” aurane breathed out before standing from the bed.

a simple look and a nod exchanged and ellaria exited the room. “i need a fucking drink,” aurane whispered and stepped to their table. she started to pour herself a cup of wine before oberyn stood behind her and set the goblet down.

“i don’t think that’s a good idea, my sun,” he whispered, his lips just barely curling into a smile to hide his complete excitement.

“what?” she turned to him with a distressed look. she felt dizzy again as she exhaled through tight lips. the room began to look blurry and even the man in front of her was fuzzy. “where’d ellaria go?”

with his hands on her shoulders, oberyn walked aurane over to the mirror. “this is something you and i should talk about,” he grinned, looking at their reflection and cupping his just above her mound. at first, aurane was confused and laughed sarcastically before looking to where he touched her. her eyes softened and her mouth parted before she bit her bottom lip.

“how do you know?” she asked.

closing his eyes, he nuzzled his nose into her neck and kissed her shoulder. “ellaria went through it three times, lion,” he whispered and looked at their reflection again. “i have eight daughters.”

aurane placed her hand on top of his and gulped rather loudly. she felt her heartbeat quicken, her arms began to shake gently, and her head felt even dizzier then before, but she knew right where she was--in her lover’s arms looking down at her lower belly. her lips turned into a smile, “oh.”

tags: @pascalisthepunkest @gummiishark @ohpedromypedro @zeldasayer @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @pedropascalonline @pedropascalito @pedropascalitofics @honeychicanawrites @otherthingsinhead @wakalas @pedropascalispapi @heavenbarnes @qveenbvtch @foreverlostindreams @forever-rogue @arianawills @liadamerondjarin @absurdthirst @eternallyvenus @thewaythisis @blushingwueen @agent-whiskeys-sweetheart @pedropasscals @menacingmandalorian

[kyojuuros]

am i the only one that feels like so many fans, even newer ones (0-3 yrs) are overreacting over 137/progression of snk as a whole? i've been reading since 2012 & i was most immersed in the fandom in 2013-2015 when anime-only theories were so out-of-wack it was funny. despite the theories themselves changing, the negativity around 137/post-timeskip/etc strikes me as the same problem: they invent theories, get too invested in them, & whine when new canon info doesn't match. these feelings caused the exodus of fans post-s1, again in post-rts, & again post-rumbling reveal or whatever. point is, canon owes nothing to their theories. if i make a headcanon, i don't feel entitled to see it validated by isayama himself. not saying that getting invested in a theory is bad either; a theory/headcanon can be good, engaging storytelling WHILE BEING non-canonical; that's what we call CANON DIVERGENCE. i just wish people would stop saying "canon has gone to shit" because what they thought would happen didn't & vice versa. let the man tell the story he wants to tell.

For sure, anon. I loved theorizing for the longest time because there was so much mystery to the series and it was engaging to put a microscope to literally everything and try to figure out what it all means and where it’s all going. I’m certainly no stranger to being hopeful my theories will be correct (especially as an anti-rumbling eren stan lmao). 

Honestly, once the rumbling initiated and it was clear my theories were beyond awful and wrong, I kinda just stopped with it altogether and found my enjoyment of the series had improved since I could no longer be disappointed over and over again. lol

But I definitely took notice of all the complaints toward ch. 137 and much of it definitely was rooted in people expecting something different from the series than what we are getting. At the end of the day, this is Isayama’s story and how he chooses to end something so huge will pretty much define his legacy as a mangaka. I’m sure he’s put a lot of thought into where he wanted things to go and how he wanted to wrap things up. He’s said a few times that he wanted to “betray the readers” and I think a lot of people have interpreted that to mean he wants a very dark ending where everything goes wrong for the cast (and it still might, though I doubt it). But really, it could mean anything. I don’t really know what he believes his readers’ expectations are lol

I suppose this is the cache 22 of getting into something that is ongoing. You have no idea if it will end in a way that will make you satisfied or not. I got super into Game of Thrones after season 6 aired, and I was massively upset by the final season of it, so I understand people’s anxiety when it comes to how snk will be wrapped up. But unlike D&D, Isayama is actually a good writer and everything in this story has made sense and tied together almost perfectly, imo. Even if I have been wrong sometimes. 

He’s just put so much of his heart into this and it’s just a bummer to see so many people being negative about it. Though, this is kinda why I started to just stay in my little corner lol

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

[latefrequencies]

okay so watching Doug Walker’s take on Pink Floyd: The Wall was such a thing bc in no real order:

while I agree with him that the film is unsubtle at times (although I think it’s not as heavy-handed as he thinks it is), we COMPLETELY disagree on what parts ARE too heavy-handed. I don’t think the bit with the train is as overtly and directly about WW2 as Doug Walker thinks it is, and it’s fucking remarkable how he thought Dictator Pink was a stand-in for Anyone You Dislike when Dictator is CLEARLY the embodiment of fascism. (these aren’t the only examples, these are just two)

speaking of which, Walker COMPLETELY misses the role of WW2 in The Wall (it’s the first “brick in the wall” for the protagonist, one of the film’s big themes is its anti-war sentiment, and to an extent it informs the systemic issues that The Wall tackles). like, I know I’m being generous in assuming he’s capable of having good takes on things, but if he had grasped that part, his take on the film at least would have been more informed? It would’ve been different, that’s for sure

I don’t know what the fuck Satellite City is so I don’t know what the deal with the 3D animated creatures was (are they characters from Satellite City? I’m led to believe they are?) but their presence in the review at all, especially during The Trial, was absurd because, like I said, I don’t know who the fuck they are or what their relevance to either The Wall or the review itself is. I’m under the impression they have none. By contrast, I very much knew who the fuck the animated characters were supposed to be in the equivalent section of The Wall, because the film has by that point spent a good deal of time actually showing those characters and their relationship to Pink. For all I know, the Satellite City characters might have similarities to the characters from The Wall - I doubt it but it’s technically possible - but if so, their presence in the review still expects the viewer to be familiar with Satellite City. I don’t know if there’s a big overlap in Satellite City fans and Nostalgia Critic viewers so idk if Doug Walker could’ve actually expected his viewers to recognize the characters but that’s a big if and it’s still baffling.

imagine if “Hey You” had been in the film of The Wall and Doug Walker had parodied it. he probably would have made it a condescending thing at the viewer, asking them if they really thought the film was deep or enjoyable.

I do not understand why he thinks anybody is going to interpret his album as “a love letter to Pink Floyd”. I know that the Critic character sometimes displays harshness towards things the guy who plays him actually likes, but this. really did not read like one of those times?

The phrase “I have become comfortably dumb” was fucking incredible to hear come out of the Nostalgia Critic’s mouth because yeah. yeah dude you have. that’s an incredibly good summary of your career.

Riding off of that, it was almost surreal to watch Doug Walker assume the role of Dictator Pink when the guy at the start of the video (he’s from Slipknot? I think? Is that correct?) represented regular Pink. It’s weird because my interpretation is that Pink does not identify with or as the Dictator (the Dictator is a dissociative state who textually identifies himself as not being Pink), so it’s like the Dictator is a character who exists to express views in an extreme way that his creator does not believe in....much like the Critic is a character of Doug Walker’s creation, except the Nostalgia Critic DOES express views that Doug Walker agrees with, just in a more obnoxious and over-the-top way than is generally considered acceptable. 

I’m not finished with this part, where the Critic portrays the Dictator. It’s like Walker almost made a point with that. ALMOST. It drives me up the wall (pun intended) that he did this because, in not portraying himself as Pink, Walker is identifying the Critic with the Dictator and only the Dictator, so it’s like. it’s like Walker is saying. that his relationship to the Critic is like Pink’s relationship to the Dictator. It’s someone he doesn’t agree with who exists primarily to act on feelings that his creator knows on some level are wrong. Except Walker’s relationship to the Critic is the opposite of Pink’s to the Dictator?? The Critic is someone Walker intentionally created to express views he does agree with in an extreme way (in the form of overreactions, not physical violence or anything) that he couldn’t get away with exhibiting in everyday life. Meanwhile the Dictator is someone Pink’s psyche created without Pink intending to, and while the Dictator doesn’t have a clear purpose for existing the way the Critic does (simply bc the Critic is an intentionally-created character), the Dictator ALSO primarily expresses views in an extreme way that the person behind him DOESN’T agree with. If Doug Walker had the capacity for subtlety, I would actually think that this is maybe his way of saying that he doesn’t agree with the Critic anymore and he’s becoming increasingly distanced from the character, but again that would require Doug Walker to be able to communicate things in a subtle way and also it would require him to be able to read the relationship between Pink and the Dictator correctly.

Also maybe it’s bc I’m used to seeing the Critic wearing his hat so I don’t conceptualize him as bald, but Doug Walker not wearing the hat during the Dictator Pink segments even reminded me of the shaving of the eyebrows in the movie (and how Bob Geldof was supposed to shave his head too but he refused). like. does Doug Walker know that. does he know that detail of the production of the film. is he aware that the character was supposed to be bald. like. okay I get that maybe this isn’t common knowledge to average The Wall enjoyers watching the video but it’s knowledge that at least some fans have so it’s uhh something that people with great familiarity with the thing he’s criticizing can apply to his criticism. which is so weird.

What the fuck was that, during The Trial, when the shitty animation during the Goodbye Blue Sky bit was juxtaposed with the actual quality animation done by the Satellite City guy???? that was hysterical actually

I don’t think I have anything more to say about this now. I’ve only watched Doug Walker’s video once and I might watch it again for the sole reason that sometimes I watch videos repeatedly bc I forget what was in them. if I have anything new to say then I might. I know I had new things to say about it every time I watched Pink Floyd: The Wall and I feel like my love for that movie is going to cause me to develop incredibly niche and specific criticisms of Doug Walker’s The Wall. but that’s all I have for now.

[tosikoarts]

SFW Alphabet | Shiraishi Yoshitake

Long live the King! You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Relationship for Shiraishi is more about friendship with intimacy than a long tradition-based order of courtship and conventions. His affection does not manifest in standard gestures like buying flowers or singing serenades, acting all gentlemanly and saving the day pompously like a romantic novel protagonist. If he ever does anything from list above, it is his daydreaming that he doesn’t try to bring to life.

One of Shiraishi’s main goal in the relationship is to keep his partner happy, and the main sign that they are happy is their shrill laughter. It doesn’t matter if they are laughing because stray toothy animal bit his head or because the joke was funny (yay!), mission accomplished and he is satisfied.  Seeing them cry is worse than being hit hundred times with a baton.

Every single soul in the one kilometer radius know whom Shiraishi loves and why he loves them and how amazing, adorable, lovely, cool they are. Sugimoto and Asirpa are making earplugs because Shiraishi can’t shut the hell up. He managed to piss off the men who kidnapped him with bragging about his loved one. Kiroranke puts maximum effort not to bury him in the nearest snowdrift. His admiration doesn’t die down through years.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

The best friend to get dumb with. Sing inappropriate songs, prank others, annoy boring elders and all this jazz. His jokes are never offensive because Shiraishi wants to have good time only but they are unpredictable and never repetitive. His instinct of self-preservation goes m.i.a. in the process so it’s literally life-saving to have a reliable person by the side.

If you need a friend to gossip with Shiraishi is you best choice. He got hot tea on everyone, I mean e v e r y o n e, from old man Hijikata to naïve Koito and he needs best friend to spill it. Damn, Shiraishi is definitely that bih with neon acrylics and golden hoops.

Probably the friend that introduce you to people and brings you into new circles. Wide range of characters, social statuses, affiliations gives a chance to meet potential partners. There is one unspoken rule though: you come here as Shiraishi’s bff, you leave this place as Shiraishi’s bff.

Speaking of which, he comes across as possessive friend. Restriction of other’s social circle and constant need in validation aren’t his behavior traits, but Shiraishi is sensitive to subtle changes in communication. Sole possibility of losing the established connection gives him extreme anxiety. To avoid it he can make concessions and sacrifice his own interests for them.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Eeh, indifferent? He doesn’t seem like a big fan of cuddling but will do it on occasions. When lights are down and they are in a private of the room, Shiraishi may spoon them to feel the comfort of another person and a little bit of safety he finds in their touch. He doesn’t have a preferred position as well: whatever his loved one wants he will do without hesitation.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

The closest home equivalent that Shiraishi knows is a dark prison cell and this is how he sees the stability in its best light. Yep, same food every day, funny inadequacies behind the adjacent wall, and a guy in not-so-sexy uniform who checks his asshole now and then. What a paradise. Seriously, he needs time to get used to concept of comfort zone. Maybe, after few years Shiraishi himself will offer to find a cozy place for both of them. Average cook. Doesn’t know how to hold a broom.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Breaking up with Shiraishi is a whole three-ring circus because he is hot and then cold, yes and then no. Get ready to prepare sad clown look for both you and him because it will be a long story: as soon as the idea settles in his head, Shiraishi will turn into giant wreck. Everybody around notices him walking in circles as well as asking Sugimoto how to properly show person that he is not interested. Of course, he ignores rational “just tell them, set a record straight”. Of course, Shiraishi plays dumb and tries to distance himself in all ways possible and impossible. The only way to end this agony is to break the relationship yourself before the mutual sympathy and respect turn into disgust and tension.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Doesn’t experience a burning passion to get married but doesn’t completely discards this possibility either. If person seems to be the only one, the meant one, Shiraishi will pop a question after 3-4 years of stable relationship. Cruel push and pull game, sudden break ups and get backs together kill his will to settle down. He may stay with them but Shiraishi will never bring up thought of marriage, wedding bells, and family.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Even the prison could not knock softness out of Shiraishi: he is utterly gentle with his partner, dreading hurting them or jeopardize their life with the hunt of tattooed skins. Choosing the right words is a little more complicated so translation of an emotional mess in his head does not always convey implied sentiment. That’s the reason why Shiraishi may be unintentionally harsh when it comes to serious conversations: he is torn between being tender and showing firm character.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Somehow, loves hugs but rarely initiate them. He is almost always cold, his skin feels cold and rough like papyrus paper, therefore, his partner frequently serves as a living heater. When they are busy with work or chores, Shiraishi catches their hand and embraces their arm, practically immobilizing it. Hints fly left and right when Shiraishi wants a hug: he really comes to the partner with puppy eyes and  index finger pointing towards one another because no, he won’t go for it himself, he want his loved one to do it.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Mentally, he already did it when they met for first time but it takes at least a month for Shiraishi to say three magic words aloud. Two would be even better. He's not serious enough to wait for the friendly phase of a romantic relationship when people have already got used to each other. The longer the relationship lasts, the more serious Shiraishi gets though. You can hear it in the changing of his voice when his playful “I love you so so much” shifts to calm and earnest confession.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Easily jealoused walking disaster that will follow his partner like a poodle if they give him a reason to doubt their faithfulness. Sometimes Shiraishi overreacts, he even thought Sugimoto was looking at his loved one somehow weirdly but quickly brushed this idea off just for it to come back to him next day. Shiraishi gets extremely needy and tries to show everybody that this is HIS person. He is NOT sharing. They love ME. He gives them extra kisses, hugs, grabs their hand and squeezes it few times, smiles at them as much as he physically can.

If his loved one is the one being overly flirtatious, Shiraishi feels awful. Wave of insecurity knocks him off the feet and he doesn’t know what to do. He is overthinker so without proper explanation Shiraishi comes up with the worst scenarios possible. In this case he distance himself until person reassures him in their relationship.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

In the beginning, Shiraishi seems the worst kisser in the world. He has little experience, almost no experience to be honest: yujo do not have time to teach clients the art of kissing. So, yeah, he is pretty average, goofy, sloppy and eager. Wants to kiss everywhere anyhow.  

After a little bit of training his kisses become more sophisticated, and Shiraishi himself doesn’t try to jump on his partner with smooches. He is still impatient when they put their hands on him and tends to get touchy even in public places. When Shiraishi gets in the mood for kissing session, he is unstoppable.

There is a sweet spot right under the earlobe kissing which send Shiraishi on the cloud nine. One kiss and he surrounds to the will of the partner. Ask whatever you want. Besides that he doesn’t care where to be kissed. Likes to give his partner gentle pecks on the nose and cheeks.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

If you remember chart going around the Tumblr with categories like “wine aunt, great at babysitting, mediocre at babysitting” Shiraishi would fall both in “God is dead, house is on fire” and “Is a baby”. Kids absolutely love him because they are on the same level *cough cough* and he is overall funny guy unlike the most adults around. Shiraishi likes active games and never sits still. For every crying child he got a candy and few tricks in his sleeve. He would love to be a father one day so he has few more minions to annoy grumpy people.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

People who sleep in together stay together. This is the rule of Yoshitake house. No matter what time his partner wakes up Shiraishi wakes up later. Nine in the morning? He is in the bed until noon. Three in the afternoon? He is still sleeping, squeezing his partner tightly in his arms. Even after waking up Shiraishi stays under the blanket. He playfully asks the loved one if they want to keep him company and cuddle too but if they are in hurry, he will lazily crawl out of bed and cook something for them.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Prefers to spend night outside gambling or drinking, skinny-dipping, lying in the grass and telling fables with varying percentage of truth. In the cold season Shiraishi still likes to go downtown but mainly to meet old friends and have dinner with them and his loved one. Rarely he chooses to stay in the comfort of home. Shiraishi teaches his partner different board games, and soon playing turns into a competition. From time to time Shiraishi loses on purpose, gifting sweet victory in shogi/igo/karuta to the most significant person in his life.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

You don’t have to ask anything unless you want to spend next hour listening to Shiraishi’s biography. He will tell you about the relationship with parents, about childhood scar on the knee, about search of Sister Miyazawa, and what a bastards his cellmates were. The list is endless, and every day Shiraishi remembers one more story he forgot to tell. There are only two things that can stop him: firm “no, not now, Shiraishi” from the partner and lack of mutual openness on their part.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It is impossible to piss Shiraishi off. His ability to reduce everything to a joke does not help only in advanced cases where person wanted to break his neck from the beginning. Even when his patience runs out, Shiraishi cannot explode in anger, he just grimaces, stomps, and spits sarcasm. In everyday life, he avoids conflicts as much as possible and does everything to find a convenient compromise so you won’t catch him slipping. He would rather go for a walk and leave another person to cool down than get involved in heated argument.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He doesn’t remember shit if his partner doesn’t indicate that it is important information. Worth remembering. Shiraishi, please, listen. At the same time he notices slight changes in their appearance, from new haircut to ring, and keeps in mind such details like eye color, favorite clothes, maybe, particular qualities like never buttoning shirt up completely or writing notes on the wrist. Anniversaries? Baby, he doesn’t remember what day it is today. Just give up.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first kiss. Not only did it happen completely by accident due to a bet, but it was so awkward and unexpected that Shiraishi forgot how kissing works. Yep, he froze feeling their warm lips on his, only eyebrows slightly raised up in disbelief. After this incident, Shiraishi could not stop thinking about them. God, he is disgrace, to embarrass yourself in front of the person you like. It could not be otherwise. To remedy the situation, Shiraishi pulled himself together, remembered the cheesiest lines in the reserve, and suggested to try again because he was astonished by their daring attitude. He has no idea what happened after that but that spontaneous kiss with a touch of childishness and innocence stayed with him forever.

Oh, one more moment! Meeting them after coming back from Karafuto. Honestly, Shiraishi didn’t believe he will make it out alive. Ogata or Kiroranke could slice his throat, hide the body, and tell Asirpa he left with his tail between his legs. Therefore, it is miracle to see their adorable face again.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Let’s be real, he is the one who needs protection. He also needs some ass-whooping for getting in troubles regularly too but that is not the point. Shiraishi rarely stands up against obviously strong opponents and chooses famous Joestar backup plan – run for his life with loved one under his arm. Another option includes involvement of threatening allies, mostly Sugimoto, to save them both. Sometimes courage overwhelms him, and Shiraishi comes up with risky but bold plan how to save them without outside help but it happens much less often.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Most of the time, Shiraishi hopes that everything will be fine by itself, every event will run like clockwork without excessive effort. Dates are unpretentious: no fancy restaurants, exquisite gifts, long intricate confessions of endless love, etc. To his credit, Shiraishi takes chores more or less seriously and does his best. For the anniversaries he transforms in person you've never seen before: dressed immaculately Shiraishi holds a small bouquet of bright moss phlox and box of sweet sakuramochis, his face glows with happiness and love, however, you can sense a nervousness behind the wide smile. On days so special, he is afraid to ruin the mood with usual tomfoolery.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Canonically, Shiraishi is not the tidiest person around. For some it may be stumbling block because constant battle with desire to throw him in hot springs and scrub ingrained dirt with the hardest sponge can be too tiresome. Also Shiraishi bites his nails until they bleed as well as pulls the hangnails until his fingers start to hurt.

A sense of proportion leaves Shiraishi as soon as a bottle of sake appears on the horizon. Even though he is funny and harmless drinker, he goes overboard with alcohol to end up throwing out behind the nearest pine.

Little lies always slip through the conversation no matter what it is about. When the truth is revealed, it is too late to blame him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Shiraishi doesn’t care about his appearance but likes to get compliments on it. He knows bunch of tricks how to remove different stains from clothes in the wild and doesn't know how to avoid them. One look is enough for Shiraishi: he could wear his old prison uniform for life time because it is strangely comfortable and universal for any event. Except the pursuit by guards, of course.

Has mixed feelings about his tattoos. Living with them is to sit on a powder keg: you never know when the new man with the gold rush will try to scalp you alive.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Gets very, very attached to the friends and loved ones so break up feels like punch in the gut. Unlike the rest, Shiraishi basically refuses to let go. He gets clingy, keeps acting like nothing happened, like they are still the best friends, just to cover up growing emptiness inside. No matter how hard he ignores it, Shiraishi can feel how part of him fades. Sometimes even abrupt refusal doesn’t work, but it’s simply his way to deal with sadness.  After few weeks, he has an insight that things will never be the same and that when it hits him. Shiraishi tries to distance himself and it takes all of his strength since by this time he becomes easily distracted, irritated, and whiny. He needs months to get over it.

If they died or were killed, Shiraishi puts effort to maintain his clown image. Only closest people can notice small detail that give away his sorrow and melancholy. Doesn't attempt to get revenge. The time to recover increases to year.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Do you think Shiraishi went to jail so often because of negligence? Partially, yes. Besides the fact Shiraishi is being hopeless fool, he finds prison cell a great place to take a break from fleeting life. If you think about it time slows down behind bars. There’s no point to worry what tomorrow will bring, how to survive and make it through another scuffle, and his impressive skills guarantee him easy escape.

Shiraishi has joint hypermobility syndrome which helps him bend joints at unusual angles and even pull bones out of the fossae. Prolonged arthralgia is a side effect that Shiraishi had to deal with from the first conscious days. There are days when the pain becomes so excruciating that he just wants to lie still and stare at the sky for 24 hours.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Continuous scolding when there is a reason and when there is not. Yes, with his behavior it is difficult to resist the urge to say a couple of strong words or raise your voice, and Shiraishi is totally okay with it until rebuke becomes daily tradition.

Shiraishi's thoughts are always in motion, usually Brownian motion, his body twitches even when he tries to sit calmly in one place so stagnation in any form would be the death of him. This includes repetitive thoughts, boring behavior, and general passivity.

Shiraishi is genuinely upset if his partner doesn't like children. This is an inexplicable feeling, he really hurts if they ignore little ones or, worse, openly express dislike for kids.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Prepare yourself to unexpected awakening in the middle of the night, you will have a lot of them. Shiraishi keeps running from guardians of the law even in his sleep: he kicks, turns, throws his arms out to the sides for the most part of the night. Accidental elbow blow to the nose is not uncommon either. Worst of all, he does not wake up after that!

In the morning Shiraishi likes to sneak closer to his loved one and just presses him onto them. Like, completely. He throws his leg over them, hugs them, presses his cheek to their back, and if it feels just right in winter, in summer such cuddle can be a real test.

Abrupt sleep schedule changes do not bother Shiraishi at all. His organism is so adapted to the crazy lifestyle that he stays fresh even after sleepless night, after waking up at 3 a.m. and going to bed at 3 p.m.

[minkdenmilo]

💙 Autism Trait Listing Time 💙

I am self-diagnosed as of now but I'm in the process of trying to get tested and my diagnosed friend said that a lot of what I told her lines up so it's likely I am autistic.

+ Constant Fidgeting: Bouncing of my leg, Tapping of my fingers - If I stop I am physically uncomfortable and tend to shake my ankle/foot or shake my wrist/hand

+ Sensory Oveload at Noise: Usually it's not the loudness of noise for me, but the overlapping of noises. Hearing a television play a show + someone talking + someone somewhere else talking etc. makes me get a headache and I sometimes feel like crying because I can't focus or really hear myself think.

+ Sensitivity to Sudden/Loud Noises: I flinch and startle at loud noises frequently- to the point in which it is noticeable by friends. If the bell goes off when I don't expect it to or the fire alarm I nearly fall out of my chair. If my dad raises his voice or if anyone gets upset and raises there voice I instantly assume they're yelling and tense up- even if they're just raising their voice a little.

+ Tactical/Texture Sensitivity: I detest certain textures and actively avoid them like cotton balls (which feel like how nails on a chalkboard sound), fennel/rosemary, any texture in drinks, nuts in bread, etc. in which my family has noticed and teased me over. Where as other textures I adore and constantly seek out like tree bark or soft fur like textures.

+ Stimming(?): I constantly pick at my skin and when I try to stop I can briefly before I go back to doing it without thinking because it's relaxing. I constantly play with the joysticks on my Nintendo Switch to help compensate and give my hands something to do. I use a fidget spinner sometimes as well to help relax and when I get anxious I use it more often cause the noise it makes and the action of spinning it is helpful. I also do the ASL (sign language) alphabet without thinking to myself just cause it's relaxing and when told to stop I get a bit anxious. I tap my fingers together repetitively a lot and my friends have noted this and have mentioned I tend to do it more when I'm stressed or bored.

+ Hyperfixation: I have the habit of finding something I like and then focusing on it violently. When I was a kid I would watch the same three movies (Newsies, Highschool Musical, and Hairspray) on repeat until I memorized the lines. I went through a phase where everyday I watched Total Drama for like half a year- I still remember the events of each episode. If I watch a video on a video game I have to look up the Wikipedia entry on it, read everything in the fan wiki, and watch video after video deconstructing the game until I'm satisfied. I'll listen to the same song for hours at a time for a week or more and then ramble about it to my friends. My habit of infodumping everything I know about a subject bothers my families and friends. I'll ramble for an hour about an idea I have for a play to a friend before realizing I haven't shut up cause I know most people don't care about minute things like I tend to.

+ Being a Kid: As a kid I was definetely the odd one out. I would hug everyone regardless of who they were, how close we were, or if they were receptive. I just had to hug people- I would get upset if I couldn't hug people. To this day I have stuffed animals I hug because I get anxious without the physical sensation of hugging after too long. I never seemed to be on quite the same wavelength and would stare people down just randomly, even I didn't really understand why I'd do it but I would just lock eyes with someone and not stop until they told me to. People would openly mock me and it would go over my head because I genuinely thought they were my friends and were being nice (I would get called werewolf due to my messy hair and sharp teeth and I would just smile and say I preferred being a vampire). I wore the same velcro shoes everyday until they wore out and demanded my mom buy the exact same pair. I'd cry whenever someone hurt my feelings even once I turned 10 and 11. I accidentally hurt my friends by punching them or pinching them cause I didn't realize how much I was hurting them until I drew blood or they demanded I stop.

+ Routine: I hate being late. I hate being on time. I have to be 10 minutes early to everything. If I have to be somewhere at 9 and its a 30 minute drive then I have to leave the house at 8 or 8:10. If it hits 8:11 and we aren't on the road I lose it. I cry and panic and I shake like a leaf until my dad starts the car. In elementary if we were even a second late I'd sob uncontrollably and panic. Now I still cry and shake but it's not as bad. I am an avid rule follower even when I know I'm being silly. My friends and I went to an abandoned building and I was anxious that we'd be arrested despite knowing people did it all the time and it was fine. I had to stay at school after hours for a project and I wouldnt stop worrying we'd get caught and expelled even though our teacher said we could. When I was like 8 or 9 I read about how not turning off your heater started fires so every day before I left for school I'd check to make sure the heater and oven were turned off three times each. Even if we'd never turned them on in the first place. I haven't been able to focus in online school without the structure of being physically in school no matter how hard I try. When my dad takes the family places last minute I feel unbearably anxious and out of it, even when I am aware I am overreacting. I have noticed executive disfunction issues in the past and when presented with multiple things I need to do I get overwhelmed and panic and do nothing instead. I hate clutter and in the desire to clean one item I end up deep cleaning everything just because I start one chore then think of another in the process and it spirals from there.

+ Misc: I have always been the sensitive emotional child. My mom frequently teases that I never get her sarcasm. I can't decipher how people feel unless I can hear their voice and see their face which makes texting and to a lesser extent voice calling anxious and weird for me. I actively avoid eye contact with people I don't know well and avoid conversation on elevators or in public spaces. I adore watching slime videos and stim boards are wonderful now that I've discovered them. Math isn't my strong suit because the numbers don't make sense to me- I can't decipher even simple algebra equations but I've always been great at reading and I pride myself on my vocabulary and way with words. Despite this I can't give speeches or explain things to save my life even if I know exactly what I mean and want to say I just cannot verbalize it properly so I have to write down exactly what I want to say before I say it. Even then I ramble too long and my dad frequently notes I can never "get to the point and trim out the unnecessary details" but like- I can't tell which details are necessary or not. I can never be presented a broad piece of information and understand it, I need every minute detail first otherwise I cannot understand the bigger concept and thus when I speak I provide every detail to make my point crystal clear. I also feel uncomfortable around authority figures and adults- way more than seems normal- and avoid eye contact and tend to be especially anxious and respectful because adults and authority figures just scare me.

These are all just like the immediate things that jump into mind + context around them. Idk if these could actually point to me being autistic but if anyone has any advice or help then please let me know. I'm kinda worried I'm being a hypochondriac but that might just be because my dad doesn't believe in autism so I'm internalizing that.

I've had close friends say some of my symptoms seem like anxiety or OCD but the texture based stuff and the fact that I have purposefully tried to stop stimming and fidgeting and have tried to repress my natural behaviors due to being seen as like weird and "off" makes me think maybe it might be autism and I just didn't realize because I assumed everyone dealt with similar things and I just was bad at handling it.

[findingtheperfectcharacter]

The Box

 tw: Unsympathetic Logan,  he’s pretty mean in this but I don’t know any specific tags to put on it so ask to tag, Logan's the only unsymp character

@unsympathetic-october-2020

In Thomas's room there was a box. It was full of old toys that Thomas played with, older memories from his childhood. Patton called it 'The happy box' because it was full of things that made Thomas and himself happy. 

And Logan hated it. 

Not because it made them happy, happiness was fine for Thomas. He guessed. But because it served no purpose and added clutter to Thomas's room, but Patton couldn't see that. He couldn't see how useless hoarding was going to be detrimental to Thomas in a long run. If he had a date over they would not only see the clutter of the box, but also how stupidly childish and sentimental Thomas was. 

Of course Patton would be upset for a while, he attached so many emotions to these objects, it would be impossible to convince him to give them up. So he waited until it was late at night, when the only other person who'd be awake was Virgil. 

"We've checked the closet and under the bed. We've confirmed that the strange shape on the chair is not an apearition and in fact never is. It's always Thomas's dirty laundry and never once has a creature or person stolen us away in the middle of the night. Thomas has a long day ahead of him Virgil and he needs his rest." 

With the Anxious side out of his way he finally had a chance to talk to Thomas one-on-one without fear of distraction.

"That chest brings far much more trouble than it does good. Remember when you banged your toe on it last week? It's clutter."

Thomas rubbed his eyes and sat up, "Logan, I get that you don't get it but... The stuff in there is important to me. That chest has everything from my childhood-"

"A childhood that has been long over Thomas," Logan straightened his tie, "it's ridiculous to be so attached to these things at your age."

Thomas sighed and layed back on his pillow, "Can't we talk about this in the morning Lo?"

Logan shook his head, that wouldn't do at all. Patton would shut down the entire conversation with his talk about feelings and ignore the facts of the matter. ANd the facts of the matter were, "You need to get rid of that thing as soon as possible. It's weighing you down and stopping you from being a full adult." He let his eyes change and gain a dark blue glow, connecting Thomas completely to himself and his will. He held Thomas's hands, "It's time to let go."

Logan wasn't a fan of bending Thomas to his will but sometimes it was necessary to help him see the right path to go down. Yes Patton wailed and cried when he found Thomas's treasures gone and Roman yelled at him for throwing away the first drawing he'd ever created and Virgil seemed more anxious now that there weren't any stuffed animals for him to hold when the world felt too large and scary. But those feelings would pass and eventually they'd see what a smart, rational decision this was and apologize to him for overreacting. 

He sat in his room and waited, but they never came.

So he went to them, asking one by one when they'd be ready to apologize.

"I-I'm not sure. You- that was a really rotten thing you did Logan. And I don't think I want to apologize."

"You think I'M the one who needs to apologize?! And I thought I was supposed to be the dillusional side. N-o. Never!"

"You knew we wouldn't go along with you and you tricked us. That's not okay Logan and I think you owe us an apology really."

Logan fummed in his room after he talked to Virgil. He didn't owe them anything! Why couldn't they see he only wanted what-

"What's best for Thomas?"

Logan turned his head to see the half-snake side standing by his closet looking at his ties.

"I know the feeling." He paced around the room. The way he looked at Logan unnerved him slightly.

"What are you doing in here?"

Janus snorted, "I didn't hear your thoughts from down the hall, what do you take me for?" He mlemed, "Some sort of sneaky snake?"

"Get out."

Janus put his hand to his temple, "Oh the tragedy and here I was hoping you'd be willing to listen to my advice."

Logan scoffed but Janus continued, "I've never thought I knew what was best for Thomas and had it blow up in my face. And really the best thing you should do in this kind of situation is sit and pout about it until everyone coddles you into thinking you did nothing wrong. It's definately a good way to maintain healthy relationships insead of apologizing."

Logan glared at the snake, "I don't need your lectures."

Janus rolled his human eye, "Riiiiight."

"I'm nothing like you!" He shouted. 

Janus gave a one handed sallute and sunk out of his room. 

Logan was alone.

And it was everyone's fault but his.

[somepinkthing]

and at last, we grieve

Xichen’s body shook as he stood and towered over Huaisang’s frail form. It didn’t make him feel any stronger. Perhaps it was due to how Huaisang didn’t shrink away for once or the steadiness with which he lifted his head to look at Xichen but, despite Huaisang being just as dainty as ever, Xichen felt as if he couldn’t possibly take down the man seated in front of him even if he mustered all the strength he had left.

Huaisang smiled a sad sort of smile. “Zewu-jun you are still rather shaky on your feet. Please stay seated.”

Xichen couldn’t think of any reply to this but his own pride made it impossible to sit down despite his apparently obvious shakiness.

“Why did you do it like that?” Xichen asked instead, not even bothering to clarify the change of topic. The other would understand. “Why choose that method? Why choose a method your brother would have hated?! Why lie to me?!”

With every word he increased in volume. By the end, Lan Xichen was practically roaring. And yet, all Huaisang did was give a dainty jolt when Xichen started yelling and gave nothing else away after. His face remained impassive as he waited for Xichen to catch his breath.

“Zewu-jun, do you think me stronger than my brother in any way?”

The question seemed to come out of nowhere and caught Xichen off guard.

“What?”

Huaisang shook his head and waved off Xichen’s confusion. “It was rhetorical anyways. I know you don’t because I know I’m not. My brother was my protector, he was always the strong one. He could be a mess sometimes but at the end of the day he’d always stand in front of me and show me the right path. He’d always do the most upfront and honest thing. That was who he’d always been and it was who he still was when he faced down Jin Guangyao.”

Huaisang turned to stare down Lan Xichen before continuing.

“He went to you then, didn’t he? He did everything that there was to do within his moral code. And what happened to him anyways?”

He’s dead. It was a fact that lay heavy between the two of them.

“And me?” Huaisang continued with a feather-light laugh, sounding almost giddy, “I’m weaker than him by a long shot. I couldn’t have taken anyone down physically nor do I have the reputation needed to sling those accusations around. But then, neither did I have such a strict and binding code of conduct. I had to take advantage of my weaknesses if I wanted to have my revenge.”

“And I wanted to have my revenge, as you can well see,” Huaisang finished, his voice dropping low and soft at his last sentence.

Xichen laughed a dry, enraged sort of laugh. “So you’re saying you had no choice?”

Huaisang wryly smiled back. “If I wanted to win, then I had very few routes I could choose from. But that’s not to say I had no choice at all. I was raised better than to believe that. I had many choices. I could have chosen to stubbornly do things my brother’s way–even though victory wasn’t guaranteed, neither was failure. I could have chosen to simply ignore it and go on with my life–killing my brother’s killer was never going to make losing him any easier and I knew that. I could have shown more patience, used less people, trusted more people, been sharper. I know I can’t prove it but even I didn’t imagine that he’d try to wipe everyone out. I mean, talk about an overreaction. As is always the case, things could have gone better.”

Hearing him say it was like a knife to the heart for Xichen. Could it be that all his suffering was simply due to some oversight Huaisang made? Could he have lived on peacefully if he hadn’t been forced to realize? Did he want that? Did he wish Huaisang had put more consideration into his plot and had simply left him out of it?

“Then why chose this?” He had to know.

“Why do we make any of the choices we do?,” Huaisang replied, “Probably because at the time it seemed like the best way to do things. Or because it was the first thought that occured to me. Or because I was so angry that everything else failed to matter. And it’s as simple as that. I won’t claim to have no regrets or guilt nor will I claim that I would undo it all if I could. I did what I did and regretted my mistakes afterwards like any normal person.”

The entire time he spoke, Huaisang’s voice remained almost forcefully steady, never straying too far in tone or volume.

“Zewu-jun, does knowing that make you feel better or worse?”

The question pierced Xichen through the soul and he collapsed. He fell to his knees and sobbed without any care for his audience.

“Are you telling the truth? Or just another composed lie?” Xichen demanded between heaves.

Huaisang sighed. “I am being more honest right now than I have been for over a decade. And I’d hardly say I’m acting composed. Truthfully it’s all making me feel a little lightheaded. I feel like all I can do is talk and keep myself upright.”

Xichen wanted to make him leave. He wanted to push him out. But he also wanted to push for answers. It’d been a whole year already and he still felt as if he was stuck in that temple. He wanted freedom from the one person who was still alive to give it to him. He didn’t want to ask, didn’t know what to ask next. His mind was still in a jumble. It had been for over a year now.

“Why me then?” he demanded, settling on a question at long last.

“It didn’t exactly have to be you,” Huaisang answered, "After the poison failed, I just needed someone to deal the blow."

“But you wanted it to be,” Xichen accused, “You wanted it to be me who killed him.”

“Yes.”

There had been no hesitation in Huaisang’s response, just cold acceptance. To Xichen, it felt incredibly cruel to have all of his pain and regret surrounding that one moment wrapped up neatly into an easy admission of guilt.

“Why? Why would you do that to me?”

Huaisang paused then. It was the first time since he’d gotten here that he’s been so obviously hestitant to answer any of Xichen’s questions. For some reason that only made Xichen want to push for it more.

“Why?” he demanded, “Tell me why!”

Huaisang’s eyes widened at the anger suddenly pouring out of the man kneeling on the floor. Xichen could tell he was shocked and hurt. Instinctively, Xichen almost reached out to provide comfort before Huaisang started to cry.

But he didn’t cry at all. Xichen watched as something almost unbelievable happened: Nie Huaisang answered rage with rage. Xichen watched his placcid persona collapse and twist into anger.

He looked so much more like Nie Mingjue this way that it hurt.

“Why did you make my brother swear with that man? Why did you not believe him when he went to you? Why did you tell everything to Jin Guangyao?” Huaisang asked back, venom rapidly working its way into his previously blank tone of voice, “Why did you protect him even after learning of the details of my brother’s death? Why did you think that I wouldn’t want him dead? Huh?! You answer me first, Zewu-jun! What did my brother do but love and cherish you? How did he ever hurt or disrespect you? Why did loyalty mean so much more coming from Jin Guangyao than it did from him?!”

“It mattered!” Xichen couldn’t help but counter. He’d loved his sworn brothers, both of them!

But Huaisang seemed to disagree.

“There are many people who get to judge my actions, Zewu-jun. Your brother, for one. Jiang Wanyin has killed thousands of cultivators in war and hundreds of innocents in cold blood at this point and he still gets to judge me. And I don’t even have to mention all the people Wei Wuxian has hurt, directly or as collateral, and yet he gets to judge me too. I dragged them into a problem that wasn’t theirs. I placed them in danger to fullfill my needs. I placed their children in danger! And two innocents, Qin Su and Mo Xuanyu, died inadvertantly due to my own actions. I imagine I’m due in for a bad time in my next life if these people have anything to say about it. But you? You have nothing over me. You and I owe each other no apologies anymore. Any apologies we might want to give each other can go to my brother now.”

And what could Xichen say to that? How could he retort when Huaisang said out loud the same thoughts that had been swimming through Xichen’s head since he first learned of A-Yao’s betrayal?

Huaisang’s last admission took the wind out of both of them. The last remaining vestiges of pride escaped and Xichen bent over onto the cold floor, openly sobbing and sounding like some wounded animal. He didn’t try to speak or ask any more questions, he wouldn’t have been able to manage any words even if he could piece together his thoughts. Huaisang didn’t seem to fare any better. His face was now hidden behind a large fan but his delicate little hiccups and the occasional shuddering of his shoulders gave him away.

They cried together for what must have been for hours. Neither of them spoke, neither of them had any ability to speak. They cried until they were dried out and then, instead of stopping, proceeded to sob tearlessly after that. For anger. For regrets. For all the people they’d hurt. For all the people who had hurt them. For Nie Mingjue. For Jin Guangyao. For each other. For themselves. A lifetime of grief poured out of each of them, two oceans colliding against one another in this tiny room, and neither had any reason to hide it anymore. No one would care if they crumbled anymore.

Finally, when they were both a tiny bit more composed, a thin voice rang out between them.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

[amenijam-blog]

Blog #11

February 20, 2021

10:43 PM

For years I have been having a dilemma? Maybe...

Basically, there’s this guy who I met through my best friend when I was in my senior year of high school. We instantly clicked and treated each other as siblings. Since were both anime fans, he became my “Nii-chan” and I was his “Nee-chan.” It was that kind of relationship. If I am being upfront, I did have a crush on him then turned into like at some point but it wasn’t for so long. And my attraction wasn’t that deep. My love grew into more of a love for a sibling. I had issues with my older brother so the love and attention this guy gave me as his younger sister was something I crave more rather than that for a “special someone.” 

But after high school, he had to go abroad for a year. During that year, we kinda grew apart. And I thought that when he got back, things would go back the way they used to... sadly, it didn’t. And we actually grew even more distant. It became worst when he entered college and got a girlfriend. His girlfriend had issues with me and my bestfriend. She was “jealous” of us. She didn’t like me because she saw that I “liked” him and she didn’t like my best friend because she knew that he used to love my best friend. So the girlfriend made him blocked both me and my best friend from all social media. He was also banned from hanging out with our gang if even either me and my best friend were present. So things got awkward and I was heartbroken with the whole situation.

I felt betrayed and abandoned. We were friends first before that girl came along. What was even more heartbreaking was the fact that even after he unblocked us and started hanging out with the gang, he still wouldn’t interact with me like we used to. He did apologize like around 2 years ago? And said he would try everything he could to get things back as it used to? But he doesn’t chat unless I chat. And even if we chat, it was obvious that he had any interest with actually talking with me. So I became bitter with him and stopped trying to talk to him. 

It has been a long while since we actually talked or hang out. I don’t even know if I consider him as my friend anymore. Nor do I know if he even sees me as a friend too. I don’t know if he even cares about me anymore. I never bothered to follow him in any social media but from time to time, I would check up on him through his posts (if any). And now, since he does live streams on twitch, I would sometimes watch.

Seriously, I don’t know whether or not to reach to him. I feel bitter, yes. But I can’t lie and say I don’t miss him. Or what we had. The words he uttered when I had my first meltdown in public still lingers in my ears... he said “I would love my sister so much” and he hugged me. My bitterness and heartache is not because I used to like him. But because I used to love him as my “Nii-chan.” 

I’m only ranting right now here because actually, at this very moment, I am watching his stream. 

Am I wrong for still being hurt and bitter? Should I be the one to exert effort to reach out? Some of my friends do think I am overreacting. But I don’t know... I can’t really control what I feel. And it’s not like I didn’t try to reconnect when he apologized.

Unresolved heartaches really sucks.

- Niriko

[stardusttrashed]

Football Coach Part 20

Previous Part

Pairing: Calum x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k+

Warning: Angst

Weeks had passed since that night- the drunk decisions that piled on top of each other. Calum was practically attached to your hip. His hands made your body their new home, always settling on you intentionally and unintentionally. Evermore so since he officially moved in; boxes unpacked, apartment sold, the whole nine yards. 

Calum squeezed your hip, pulling himself closer to you, “I promise we don’t need to buy a whole new dresser, love.” 

“Mhm-- just like how we didn’t need to buy you extra hangers when you kept stealing mine. You’re so full of s-- stuff.” You looked down at D’artagnan with an apologetic smile, thankfully he paid no attention to your close slip up. 

“What ‘bout that one?” D’artagnan pointed at the chestnut dresser displayed in the quaint and cozy room display.  The sky blue decorations contrasted the primarily black furniture. 

You twisted yourself, turning to face Calum with an expectant look. His eyes roamed over the room before finally landing on the dresser. He was gorgeous under the Ikea lights- so relaxed and natural, domestic even. His peach lips parted just enough for a quiet sigh to slip past. The caterpillar brows forever resting on his face- furrowed in concentration. The bridge of his nose highlighted by the fluorescent lights hanging overhead. 

“It’s nice, good pick bubs.” Despite the encouraging smile on his face, you could detect the hesitation hidden in his chocolate eyes. “But maybe we should wait for a little-- y’ know to give mommy here time to make more room for me.”

“But it’s bigger than the one she has now,” D’artagnan pressed on, adamant on helping. Anything he could do to ensure Calum was completely settled into the house he did. He was probably the most excited out of the three of you that Calum was moving in. It was like a constant sleepover, interrupted by various kissing and ‘alone time’ between you and Calum, but still just as fun.

“I was thinkin’,” you interrupted D’artagnan in a gentle voice, “since you’re getting taller and all- why don’t you go pick out another bed?”

D’artagnan looked up at you beaming with excitement, “really?”

“Really really, Calum and I will be right behind you.�� You held the basket steady and he clambered over to give you a quick kiss on the cheek before hopping out. You waited until he took off around down the aisle before completely turning to face Calum. “What’s up with you lately? You’ve been.. Distant.” You poked your finger into his chest as you looked up at him. 

“Distant eh,” Calum chuckled as he looked down, the space between you barely enough for a piece of paper. 

You groaned, rolling your eyes at his cocky grin.“You know exactly what I mean Calum. You hang back whenever we go out together where someone from the team might see. I try to get you to settle in, no more bags or boxes, and you put on this fake face like you’re only doing it to spare my feelings. You change the topic whenever I say we should tell D’artagnan and our families about our engagement. If-,” you let out a deep sigh to steel your nerves. “If you’re having second thoughts about moving in with us, just tell me. I can make up something so D’artagnan won’t know, just-.”

“No, no, no. It’s nothing like that.” He cupped your cheek gently, grazing your skin with his thumb as he pulled you closer. “I love living with you and I’m sorry. I was trying to find the right time or way to tell you but I got a call from my coach. Our season is supposed to start and he- well he wants me to be team captain.”

“That’s great news Calum!” 

Your beaming smile only made it harder to continue his announcement. Calum sighed and broke his gaze from your momentarily. “Pay wise, yeah it is- I’d be able to spoil you and D’artagnan more. But.. we’d, my team and I, we’d be going all around the country and if we make it far enough, out of the country.” You let out a quiet ‘oh’. “I have two days  to decide and our season starts next week.”

“What ‘bout the misfits?”

“I know-.”

“The tournament- who’d coach them Calum?”

“I don’t know. If I took the position I’d wouldn’t be able to coach them through the championship.”

As much as you wanted to avoid thinking selfishly, but you couldn’t help it. It had been nearly two weeks since that so-called phone call. “When were you going to tell me,” your voice wavered. “Or were you going to even tell me at all?” You narrowed your eyes at him, your heart teetering the line of being upset and being hurt. 

“Of course I was going to tell you-.”

“How silly of me, of course, you were- not like weeks had passed since you found out. Or like we’ve had plenty of alone time or anything.” A quiet scoff escaped your lips as you rolled your eyes. “Anything else you’ve ‘been meaning’ to tell me, or do I have to wait again.”

“Why are you overreacting like-” the words left his mouth before he could even completely process them. “Y/n, that’s not... I-.” He could see the hurt in your eyes slowly transform to an annoyance like a switch being flipped, your glare unwavering. 

“You’re completely right, I’m going to overreact over there,” you pointed in the direction D’artagnan had run off in for emphasis. “You’re welcome to join us, if not then I’ll just call you when we’re ready to leave.” You turned to leave before stopping yourself, “actually I’d probably have to think about when the right time to tell you would be.”

The car ride home was dragged out due to the awkward air hanging- not even the radio could help. D’artagnan focused on the blur of buildings outside of the window, oblivious to the situation. Or maybe he was simply ignoring it. Calum thought maybe the air would be lighter once you arrived at the house but if anything it got worse. His mumbled sorry’s only added weight to the already heavy air. It was crushing him, drowning him. You simply held your breath- wallowing in the brutal atmosphere. It wasn’t even the fact that he said you were overreacting. You wallowed over the fact that he practically hid something from you. That he seemed okay leaving without a warning. What if he decided to do the same randomly? What if one day you wake up and he’s just not there anymore?

You sat on the bed with your knees to your chest. Your thoughts raced a thousand miles per second, flipping back and forth between the situation, what if’s, and desperate attempts to keep yourself from crying.

“I’m taking the spot,” Calum’s voice interrupted your train of thought. He leaned against the doorframe of the bedroom, his eyes scanning you for a reaction. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want you to make some sort of protest. Instead, all he received were your steady glassy eyes. He sighed and stepped into the room, trudging through the air that left him heavy-hearted and breathless. Your eyes focused on his movements, watching his hands move like slugs in syrup as he packed a small suitcase. “And I- I figured it’d be best to give you some space.”

“You’re an idiot,” you mumbled under your breath. Calum brushed aside your actual words- far too relieved to hear your voice again. The simple hour or so felt like an eternity of solitude. “How am I supposed to sleep without your cuddles? And who’d  Dart quietly mess with when I don’t want to wake up?”

“I hadn’t even thought of that,” Calum chuckled nervously.

“Of  course you didn’t, idiot.” You crawled to the edge of the bed, pulling him towards you with the waistband of his pants. “I’m still not happy that you waited so long to tell me.”

“I know sweetheart and I promise I’ll make it up to you, starting now.” He nuzzled the tip of his nose against yours, his breath fanning over your lips. He could finally breathe again. Finally graced with your fragrance. He spent every single bit of his breath kissing you- drowning in the only way he felt was proper. “I love you… entirely.”

“Show me.” You melted into his kiss, determined to ingrain the feeling of him into every bit of your mind. Your mind took every piece of him it could, bottling it up to save for a rainy day. 

“I will sweetheart. I promise. But not until I tell  Bub, he deserves to know I’m leaving.”

“You’re what?!” 

You whipped your head toward the door just in time to see the stuffed animal D’artagnan was holding drop to the floor. 

“Is that why you were quiet in the car,” he shouted, the hurt in his eyes deepening with each passing second. “You can’t leave! You can’t! What about our team? We worked hard  like you said!”

Calum slowly walked over to him, squatting down to his eye level. “I don’t want to, but-.”

“Then don’t,” D’artagnan stated blatantly- his voice startling you and Calum. “We made it this far! We can’t give up.” He stared down Calum with glassy brown eyes, unable to form any more words. How could he? How could Calum lead the team this far and abandon them? How could he abandon him?

“You know you and the team mean so much to me.”

“Then don’t leave! You can stay here and coach us.”

“If I go then I’ll be able to take more care of you and your mummy. I can buy you more toys and take you on trips.”

“You can do that if you stay! I can sell my toys- I’ll-.”

“Dart,” you cooed sadly as you clamber over to him. His small frame felt so fragile in your arms. “We’ll make it work okay. If he goes we could go on trips and watch Calum play. Maybe you’d even meet some of your favorite players. Trust me he’s not doing it to hurt you or the team.”

“I-’m goin’ outside,” he mumbled as he slipped out of your arms, gently pushing you away. Without another word he walked off, eyes focused on his shuffling feet. The closing door brought a new wave of heavy silence. 

“Guess I’m on a roll with making you guys upset today, huh,” Calum awkwardly joked. You let a forced chuckle. “I can try to talk to him-- if you want.” He looked over at you with hopeful eyes. You knew seeing D’artagnan like this hurt him just as much as it did you. Calum loved him, sometimes more than he loved you.

“I got this one,” you finally replied after a minute. Each step you took toward the back door was like stepping with bricks tied to your feet. You had to be careful about how you went to him right now. 

“Wanna talk about it?” You plopped down beside him on the platform swing causing it to sway gently. His eyes shifted over to you as he shrugged nonchalantly. 

Moments passed where the only thing that greeted your ears was the breeze and sounds of birds. You forced yourself to keep quiet, absentmindedly scratching the mesh on the swing. D’artagnan did the same, using the sound to keep his mind off the thought of Calum leaving. 

“I- is there something wrong with me?”

Your face twisted into a frown“Why would you ever think  such a thing baby?” 

He shrugged again, “I dunno.” He kept his eyes on the mesh. “Everyone seems to leave,” his voice wavered. “All the time.”

“I haven’t.”

“You’re different. I don’t know, it’s stupid. Nevermind.” He shook his head, his curls slapping his forehead. “I don’t want Papa to go, he promised he wouldn’t. I don’t want him to be like my dad… I like having Calum around.”

“And I like having you around.” Calum’s voice startled you both, nearly causing D’artagnan to fall off the swing. Calum let out a melodious laugh before running over to stabilize D’artagnan. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop or interrupt. I just wanted to tell you I love you, Bub. I love you and your Mummy. You guys are definitely one of the best things that have happened to me. I don’t plan on leaving either of you any time soon, okay?” He took a break to kiss D’artagnan’s forehead. “And if you want me to I’ll stay here.”

D’artagnan shook his head, chewing on his bottom lip, “go.” The words took Calum off guard. He had prepared a whole speech expecting to have to call his coach and deny the position. “Just- just promise you’ll come back. Mummy can coach the team, we’ll be okay. And I can help around the house when you’re gone. But you gotta come back… please.”

Calum searched his wide brown eyes brimmed with tears. Was that really what he was worried about? What they worried about? “Always. I’m never going to abandon you or your Mummy,” he made sure to look at you briefly before refocusing on the kid. “You’re my family and I want to be there for you all I can.” 

Tears streamed down D’artagnan’s cheeks and were fighting to make their way out of your eyes as Calum wrapped his arms around the both of you. He felt like a blanket fresh out the dryer, his warmth providing a blanket of safety around the pair of you. His secure yet gentle hold tole you everything you needed to know. You felt foolish for doubting he’d stay earlier. He was here for you and D’artagnan, right now, tomorrow, and as long as he possibly could be. 

[wincore]

IT GETS BETTER WHEN I QUIT (╥_╥) until then i’ll just try my best 2 survive

“are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men” yes 100% that’s exactly what i am saying. U GETTING 2D MEN BRAINROT... >>>>> ill seriously be waiting for the day 😌😌 atsumu is incredibly irritating u will love him. im going to manifest hq tiktok edits showing up in ur fyp JDJWJSJJ

OMGG i never watched coffee&vanilla but now i know not to so thank u LOL i can’t handle watching cringey dramas!! IM SO EXCITED FOR S2 TOO!! i’m not even a horror fan generally but the storyline was so different and mysterious i was hooked!! should i read the manga?? :o how diff would u say it was from the netflix adaptation?

NOO ME TOO!! watching a whole series takes so much brain power and attention 😭😭 esp when starting something new, sometimes i just don’t have the energy to learn abt new characters/a new world

I LOVE THE PREVIEW IM SO SO EXCITED!! “she wins mostly dw” WHEW!! we cannot have jaehyun winning this we can agree on 😫. LMFAOO WHEN I SAW DONGMIN I WAS LIKE :oooo No way.... no way.. that would hurt so bad for me 🙄🙄 perfect man is ur soulmate and u wont even end up together... goodbye.. (ok jaehyun u r ok as well i guess)

YES I REREAD 19K HDJWJJD IT WAS A POST-FINALS TREAT & U ARE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR!!!! also now im rlly curious abt what runway-taeyong’s yn will be like?!? esp in comparison to runway yn!!! give me crumbs pls

“i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3” STOPPPQJDJ ME TOO??? i think e2l with mark is impossible truly... it just doesnt make sense

“i love this characterization of him!!” IM SO GLAD LOL I WASNT SURE ABT MY WORDING!! sicheng rlly is perfect for these kinds of roles & im PUMPED for ceo sicheng for this very reason 👀👀

U HAD ME AT THEME SONG SINCERITY IS SCARY WTFFF!! “i don’t think i’m cut out to write that” i respect ur decision BUT im sure u are capable!!!! when u feel ready i will b here waiting bc i am in luv with just the vaguest concept of this piece! “so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting” LMFAOOO NOT EVEN JK I AGREE... its disorienting to see him written as intense/broody when most of the time he’s just kinda has one main mode which is 🙂

YESSS FIC WISE BC OF U!!! im in the same boat abt it not working irl, i think if i had beef with a man i would just never interact with them ever again.... no man is worth the time... we are not gonna beef it out we will just cease to know each other. BUT YES BOTH TROPES WORK BETTER IN FIC LMFAO i love the #pining #hurt/comfort #angsttofluff HSJWJSJ

YESS THATS WHY UR VAMP FIC WAS SO REFRESHING!! BC IT WAS DIFFERENT!! if we simply stop pretending bites r enjoyable i think we can begin 2 reverse the damage that media has done to vampire aus

omg that’s a lot of things to do!! PLS MAKE SURE TO GET ENOUGH REST & EAT WELL TOO!! take care of yourself 🤍🤍🤍

- tata

i just started watching jujutsu kaisen and i might just ruin my life for 2d men once again <3 i feel like i wil have a whirlwind obsessive phase like my 15 year old self again goodbye (also. pls. this atsumu character is appealing to me way too much for someone with god level standards for irl men. every time a 2d man is annoying i go 😍💍👰💒 loml) ALSO OK WTF HOW DID YOU PREDICT THAT I’VE BEEN GETTING A LOT OF HQ TIKTOKS IN MY FYP LATELY LIKE I SCROLLED THROUGH 8 CONSECUTIVE ONES 😭😭😭 TATA DID YOU HIJACK MY FYP

sdjgdjs i’ve only ever watched cringe dramas if the man is good looking (but like only clips in this case) or i need to make fun of it with my friends . i like to indulge in horror when i’m anxious bc it somehow makes it better like 😭 at least i have it better than THOSE guys lmfao <3 but also i don’t like heavy gore ahaha. 

some parts of the aib live action i liked WAY better especially bc the actors did so incredibly well portraying the characters (and the 7 of hearts game... bye i took so long coming to terms with it it’s WAY more emotional in the live) and i liked the first game (different in the manga) way more in the live. as for the manga i HATE the ending but also the manga introduces side characters and their stories and i really like that about it! the whole tunnel distance game was actually a side story in the manga and i kind of don’t like them centering the plot too much around arisu (but .. also.. it’s yamazaki kento... and i like that man too much for my dignity..) and also.... i don’t like how they left niragi and aguni’s status undisclosed like that??? like [LIGHT MANGA SPOILERS] they play a very key role in the manga so ?!?! i just hope s2 turns out well netflix i am begging u

ANDSDHSKDJDSL PLS I AM SO SORRY but dongmin is in love with another woman 😔 maybe in some other life. jaehyun is out there being a himbo though so choose carefully what you wish for 🤩 every time jaehyun wins i got mad at myself like no way pilsbury dough boy is winning against miss i know everything

SDHSJD so far lookbook-yn is way more confident and assertive than runway-yn but more in a.. himbo-like way LOL if that makes sense. runway-yn was kind of self conscious and fueled by passion and the need to stand out in their field of work but this yn is more comedic i think lol!! she’s kind of critical and clever in her own way but also she will confidently tell u the wrong directions to the nearest grocery store if u ask bc she thought she knew </3

SDFJGDSJ IT LITERALLY STARTED AS ME DAYDREAMING TO SINCERITY IS SCARY <3 i don’t even have a title yet 🤧 i feel like im favouring this bread man too much but it’s fun to characterize him so <33 i would love for him to be heartbroken and bitter for once 😌 “most of the time he’s just kinda has one main mode which is 🙂” that emoji TOOK ME OUT DSJKDHSD it’s literally him??

men r literally never worth the time </3 either be a lovable himbo or go away 😐 WAIT BC OF ME??? IM STILSLDSHDSKHKDSLJDS ily ❣🌼🌙

why would they make bites to be some sort of sensual thing like literally any other animal biting us for blood would be either horrifying (demon) or just annoying (mosquitoes)

you take care of yourself too!!!!!! hope your job loosens a bit on you and you excel in academics enough to not worry about it 😌 eat well sleep well ily ❤

[thede-vil]

candice headcanons & things.

candice has been an absolute nightmare since she was a child. she’s an only child and her father spoiled her, if only to not have to put up with her bullshit. there was no such thing as no in the da vil household, and no expense to great to get little candice far away from her father and all his importance.

where her father is distant and buys gifts to keep her occupied, her mother is overbearing and applies pressure to young candice’s shoulders. dione da vil expects nothing less than greatness from her daughter, and the older woman never misses an opportunity to remind candice that the world outside their estate will eat her alive if she’s too weak.

everything in the da vil house is a competition; who has the best success story of the night, who can answer the trivia question of the night the quickest. every moment in that house is a chance to show off your superiority and it’s from here that candice gets her competitive streak. 

she calls herself a “self made millionaire” but let’s be clear, there’s not really much self made about her. sure, she built her business and cultivated a fan base and a reputation for excellence and has even gone on to style some of the world’s biggest celebrities; but candice has always had the da vil name to fall back on. she’s always had a leg up on the competition because she got to watch her mother navigate these very waters as a child, she was a master at the game before she’d even entered. 

candice treats everyone in her life as a means to an end. her instagram is filled with pictures of smiling models and celebrities who she adores so long as they keep wearing her clothes. if you’re on top, she’s your best friend, but don’t expect her to help you up when you fall from grace. it’s a great way to move through the cut throat ever changing world of fashion, but it’s not necessarily the best way to treat people. 

candice never really had many genuine friends, only people she needed for the moment. her parents weren’t necessarily the warmest people around, and talking about anything she was going through was only ever met with remarks that she’s got to stop being such a cry baby. so candice’s emotional control is not....the best. she’s always just seconds away from flying off the handle. when she was a teenager a doctor suggested she could have bipolar disorder, and, honestly it made sense why she suffers from such drastic mood swings. candice didn’t see it that way, simply screamed and chased the doctor out of the room waving her stilettos at him. she admits now, it could have been a bit of an overreaction, but how dare he imply there was something off about her. she was perfect. she had to be because of her parents, because of the world. 

candice is passionate almost to the point of obsession. she wants what she wants and she will do anything to get it. she’s ruthless and cruel and has no problem stepping on the backs of former friends and allies to get ahead. it’s just business afterall, and the world can be so cut throat for women. you’ve just got to do what you got to do. 

anyone that knows candice knows her to be intense, driven and egotistical. she wears it like a badge of honor, knows that if she were a man she’d be applauded for being set to her goals as opposed to despised by her peers. 

candice loves art and music, finds small pleasures in going to small galleries or open mics (ok, she can only really stay for like ten minutes because bar people are kind of gross and she doesn’t want them touching her). inspiration strikes at any time and seeing others’ art in different mediums never ceases to give her the creative boost she needs. 

candice has not been able to keep an assistant for more than four months. they always run away crying that she’s too demanding, or that she assaulted them. which, by the way, throwing a lamp at someone for being an idiot isn’t assult, just duck ok.  

any charges pressed against her for alleged assaults are always dropped the second a check is clear. the world need not know she’s a nightmare, that would destroy everything she’s worked so hard to build. 

she is very honest and blunt and you should never ask her for her opinion if you don’t want to get your feelings hurt. 

PETA, as an organization, fucking sucks. like just mind your business ok.  she hasn’t dabbled in designs that utilize fur in a while because she’s afraid of what that backlash will be. she can even be spotted at animal shelters playing with dirty little mutts, er...she means nice sweet dogs in need of love. appearances are everything, and she knows she would be absolutely destroyed if anyone were to ever find about her closet of mink coats and her fur rugs. 

she’s bisexual, but not many people know that small fact about her as she’s certain her parents would not take kindly to such deviance. whatever, it’s not the fucking 1700s. 

WANTED PLOTS/CONNECTIONS. 

boys don’t cry; having you on her arm is honestly just business for her. you’re sweet and have a dazzling smile and everyone just adores you, and she needs people to adore her too, business is good when people like you. mom taught her that. well, unfortunately for candice she doesn’t have a single likeable trait in her body, but that’s ok, she’ll make you think she does just long enough for her to get the positive publicity she needs for her new launch. 

NASA; a past girlfriend/boyfriend. candice is no stranger to physical intimacy. sex is sex and sometimes she could use the distraction, sometimes she needs the release as there’s always just so much tension breathing in between her muscles. but when it comes down to the other part of a relationship, you know, the feelings she turns icy and her gaze can freeze you to that spot. last you heard from her she was going on a business trip and the next thing you know she’s on instagram with her lips on someone else. and when she returns and you bring it up, she makes it seem like you’re the problem in the equation. like it’s your fault that you’re so needy and clingy and you want too much. candice had never been the warmest or fuzziest person around but that level of selfishness and disinterest was shocking, even from her. 

boss bitch; rivalry with another fashion designer or even just an old classmate who she could never get along with. i promise she won’t murder your character, there’ll just be a lot of manipulation and maybe she’ll try to drive you off the road if she gets mad enough. who knows.

ways to be wicked; i’m just here to fight and create chaos so i request villains being villains together ok. there’s nothing more to that. 

devil wears prada; yeah i’ma be a cliche and ask for an aspiring designer to intern. candice can be a mentor and it can be a nightmare for everyone involved but the pay is great and you get to go to great parties and you’ll learn a lot ok. just yanno duck when things start flying. 

i’m down for just about anything and honestly very very chill so feel free to message me for anything your little heart desires.