#golden kamuy headcanon

[here-lies-golden-kamuy]

after seeing some of your Ogata meta, I wanted to share an idea I had.

it starts with Yuusaku, and Ogata's paradoxical hatred/envy of him. in my mind, Ogata hates Yuusaku because he represents a privileged existence. one that their father granted to Yuusaku, while neglecting Ogata. they're like light and shadow. Yuusaku's purity has and will always frame him as an exception to the compromises that other people have to make... and it's not just in relation to Ogata. normal men compromise their morals during war, but Yuusaku is treated as though he's above everyone.

Ogata's position is that this isn't fair. but then, what should be the method of leveling the playing field? Yuusaku would rather bring Ogata into the light, and Ogata would rather drag Yuusaku into the dark. these are their attempts to become relatable to each other, but they'd have to fundamentally alter each other if they were ever going to see eye to eye.

when Ogata asks "was a blessed life ever possible for me?" he does tip his hand a bit. it sounds like he actually wants to have those blessings. meanwhile, Yuusaku was never enticed by the darkness. Ogata failed to prove that his way of thinking is inherently tempting... and when Ogata shoots Yuusaku, that 100% cements his ideological loss. Yuusaku's death ended his potential to change, and immortalized his purity forever. and Yuusaku left Ogata with a curse of his own: "nobody should be able to kill without feeling guilt."

Yuusaku died, and made it so. and with this background knowledge, here is what I'm really getting at.

at the end of their journey together, we see Ogata draw a clear parallel between Asirpa and Yuusaku. both are people who have an empathetic, sentimental urge to care about the lives of others... and they expect to try and maintain that moral framework, even in the midst of a conflict that seems to necessitate violence and death. in some ways, their dedication to these morals can come off as judgmental towards people who have ended up dirtying their hands already. early in their relationship, Asirpa and Sugimoto grappled with that.

I believe that, if Asirpa and Yuusaku are comparable, then Sugimoto and Ogata are contrastable in the same role... they've responded in opposite ways to the same offer. both consider themselves to be cursed, and they think of killing as sometimes necessary, but Sugimoto feels guilt fully and readily. and when Asirpa reaches out to him, Sugimoto is more readily willing to change.

once you start thinking of the two as foils, there's no going back. Asirpa reminds Sugimoto of how he lived before the war, and Sugimoto devotes himself to Asirpa... Yuusaku reminds Ogata of how he lived before the war, and Ogata kills Yuusaku. one accepts the aid of someone who can help him heal, while the other rejects it.

this all culminates in Ogata murdering Wilk, and shooting Sugimoto. at that point, Sugimoto is basically what Ogata could've been if he'd embraced the connection that was offered to him. and I think it's symbolically meaningful that Ogata tries to kill this symbolic healthier version of himself. with this one decision, he ensures that Asirpa will never be able to think well of him... not if she ever learns the whole truth. whether Ogata knows it or not, he's essentially been watching as, once again, another person lives a more blessed and prosperous existence that he cannot partake in. he's always on the outside looking in, and when he shoots Sugimoto, he closes off one more important avenue.

I absolutely love the scene where Asirpa shoots Ogata in the eye. first of all, Asirpa and Sugimoto are beginning to swap their views on killing. Asirpa's morals have been tested, and she's starting to come to Sugimoto's early conclusion that killing isn't something she wants to do, but sometimes it can't be avoided if you want to survive. meanwhile, Sugimoto has picked up Asirpa's philosophy of being as non-lethal as possible. war isn't the proper tool for preserving a culture... Sugimoto already knows it isn't the proper tool for preserving a person. he went to war, and it nearly destroyed him. but now, everything he values about himself exists because, from the beginning, Asirpa had the correct tools to let him rebuild himself.

and so, when the arrow hits Ogata in the eye, Sugimoto saves Ogata's life, regardless of his rage. Ogata failed to kill Sugimoto, and Asirpa succeeded in healing him. as a result, when Asirpa is in danger of being pulled into the dark, she has someone there to help her.

and Ogata has still failed to corrupt anyone. he can't figure out how to bring someone down to his level so that he can relate to them. he's still alone. he never quite figures out what's good for him until after he's already ruined it.

Hey, anon! <33 When I first read this, I was totally blown away /gen And honestly, you deserve your own meta post about Ogata for real ‼️‼️‼️ I'd totally lose my mind again like I did the first time I read this /pos

Let me give you my thoughts in chunks! :-D I'll put it under the cut because holy shit it's so long

"it starts with Yuusaku, and Ogata's paradoxical hatred/envy of him. in my mind, Ogata hates Yuusaku because he represents a privileged existence. one that their father granted to Yuusaku, while neglecting Ogata. they're like light and shadow. Yuusaku's purity has and will always frame him as an exception to the compromises that other people have to make... and it's not just in relation to Ogata. normal men compromise their morals during war, but Yuusaku is treated as though he's above everyone."

My god, the thematic light and dark analogy is so on point. I agree: Yuusaku is the embodiment of light whilst his older half-brother is the dark entity. I always found it interesting that Yuusaku was pushed to a position of veneration (chapter 165, page 12). By keeping himself pure, he will be an "icon" for other men to look at and relieve themselves from the guilt of killing another person. What's interesting about it is that he's following the interpretation of their father about the superstition surrounding the flagbearer role. I argue that Yuusaku, to some degree, is forced to be light. He was forced to play a role that dictated that his life should radiate purity. His position as flagbearer and the mysticism behind the role wasn't his idea (and to some extent, wasn't his choice - he just followed what his father wanted); but because he's a willing participant of this superstitious belief, he, therefore, transforms himself from mere man to a purity akin to divinity.

Because he's so pure, to the point of veneration, I feel like that was part and parcel of why Ogata killed him: to prove to himself that even the gods and their blessed children bleed and die at the hands of men like him.

Ogata's position is that this isn't fair. but then, what should be the method of leveling the playing field? Yuusaku would rather bring Ogata into the light, and Ogata would rather drag Yuusaku into the dark. these are their attempts to become relatable to each other, but they'd have to fundamentally alter each other if they were ever going to see eye to eye.

when Ogata asks "was a blessed life ever possible for me?" he does tip his hand a bit. it sounds like he actually wants to have those blessings. meanwhile, Yuusaku was never enticed by the darkness. Ogata failed to prove that his way of thinking is inherently tempting... and when Ogata shoots Yuusaku, that 100% cements his ideological loss. Yuusaku's death ended his potential to change, and immortalized his purity forever. and Yuusaku left Ogata with a curse of his own: "nobody should be able to kill without feeling guilt."

YES YES YES!!!! Exactly! I love your idea of them trying to bring the other to their "ideological side" as a form of relating to one another. I feel like Yuusaku wanted to "save" his brother from the darkness that he feels had enshrouded him his entire life. Ogata, on the other hand, wanted to prove that a person who was beloved by his parents and who had it all can still be someone like him: "normal". This comes from the idea that Ogata thought that it was normal for everyone not to feel guilt when killing people (chapter 165, page 13); who knows what else he thought was normal?

I think there's a part of Ogata that really wanted to be a blessed child, underneath all his layers. There's a Tumblr post that tries to pull out the intricacies and nuances in Ogata's confrontation with Hanazawa Senior in chapter 103. I think it really showed Ogata's vulnerability, the inner child in him that continued to be ignored and hurt.

I think Ogata's hand in Yuusaku's death does immortalize his purity forever! Because Ogata finally gave up on their game: Yuusaku won their ideological battle by offering Ogata true love and acceptance (it's completely familial please) - something he's never received from anyone in the past. Though, I don't fully agree with how Yuusaku's death ended Ogata's potential to change: rather, for me, it symbolizes that Ogata's life ideology is flawed, and he ran away from it rather than confronting it. I argue that his potential to change died in your later observation of him shooting Sugimoto and/or when he pointed a gun at Asirpa and got shot in the eye by accident.

I love your idea of Ogata having his own curse as a result of Yuusaku's death: "nobody should be able to kill without feeling guilt". Because that's the backbone of his relationship with Asirpa, the one who reminds him of Yuusaku and someone who also tried to love him.

at the end of their journey together, we see Ogata draw a clear parallel between Asirpa and Yuusaku. both are people who have an empathetic, sentimental urge to care about the lives of others... and they expect to try and maintain that moral framework, even in the midst of a conflict that seems to necessitate violence and death. in some ways, their dedication to these morals can come off as judgmental towards people who have ended up dirtying their hands already. early in their relationship, Asirpa and Sugimoto grappled with that.

I believe that, if Asirpa and Yuusaku are comparable, then Sugimoto and Ogata are contrastable in the same role... they've responded in opposite ways to the same offer. both consider themselves to be cursed, and they think of killing as sometimes necessary, but Sugimoto feels guilt fully and readily. and when Asirpa reaches out to him, Sugimoto is more readily willing to change.

once you start thinking of the two as foils, there's no going back. Asirpa reminds Sugimoto of how he lived before the war, and Sugimoto devotes himself to Asirpa... Yuusaku reminds Ogata of how he lived before the war, and Ogata kills Yuusaku. one accepts the aid of someone who can help him heal, while the other rejects it.

this all culminates in Ogata murdering Wilk, and shooting Sugimoto. at that point, Sugimoto is basically what Ogata could've been if he'd embraced the connection that was offered to him. and I think it's symbolically meaningful that Ogata tries to kill this symbolic healthier version of himself. with this one decision, he ensures that Asirpa will never be able to think well of him... not if she ever learns the whole truth. whether Ogata knows it or not, he's essentially been watching as, once again, another person lives a more blessed and prosperous existence that he cannot partake in. he's always on the outside looking in, and when he shoots Sugimoto, he closes off one more important avenue.

[With so many emotions] fuck. 🥹🥹 I love your assessment of both Asirpa and Yuusaku being so firm in their own beliefs that they can come off as judgemental or even condescending to those that fail to meet their standards. Well in the case of Asirpa, she eventually learns that the world isn't as white and black as she used to think, so she too grows in her own ideological perspective.

Sugimoto and Ogata are foils, you're so right, and you pointed out the main reason why I strongly believe that. It boils down to their respective relationships with Asirpa, who is characterized as a "chosen one" in the sense that she's a) given a huge moral task of protecting the Ainu (and later on even the other ethnic minorities in Karafuto and Russia), and b) she's - for the most part of the story - depicted as someone who's is pure (and is firm in staying pure) in a world of bloodshed and greed.

I like your idea on how Sugimoto and Ogata had their respective person who represented light in their lives. And you're right: they differ in their response to being "saved". I wholeheartedly agree with how Asirpa reminds Sugimoto about his past (unmarred) life. But for me, I think rather than being reminded of his past, unmarred life, Yuusaku represents a "what if" in Ogata. He represents a blessed life that Ogata himself could have lived; to go even further, even perhaps the lost life he could've had, should Yuusaku hadn't been born.

I think that Ogata truly did close himself to the possibility of a blessed life. Hence, I love the metaphor of him having his own path in the snow versus the lynx (meko oyasi) and the rest of the group in chapter 169. Like a lynx that lives a solitary life, he was forced to live life alone because of the childhood neglect he experienced (I talked about that in my first meta for Ogata and Love). But because he killed Yuusaku and therefore gained his "curse", he further alienates himself from others, trapping himself in his own twisted worldview by clinging onto it. He forced himself to be isolated - hence he's walking on his own path, which hints on his independence as a character on the surface but shows his loneliness on a deeper level.

I absolutely love the scene where Asirpa shoots Ogata in the eye. first of all, Asirpa and Sugimoto are beginning to swap their views on killing. Asirpa's morals have been tested, and she's starting to come to Sugimoto's early conclusion that killing isn't something she wants to do, but sometimes it can't be avoided if you want to survive. meanwhile, Sugimoto has picked up Asirpa's philosophy of being as non-lethal as possible. war isn't the proper tool for preserving a culture... Sugimoto already knows it isn't the proper tool for preserving a person. he went to war, and it nearly destroyed him. but now, everything he values about himself exists because, from the beginning, Asirpa had the correct tools to let him rebuild himself.

and so, when the arrow hits Ogata in the eye, Sugimoto saves Ogata's life, regardless of his rage. Ogata failed to kill Sugimoto, and Asirpa succeeded in healing him. as a result, when Asirpa is in danger of being pulled into the dark, she has someone there to help her.

and Ogata has still failed to corrupt anyone. he can't figure out how to bring someone down to his level so that he can relate to them. he's still alone. he never quite figures out what's good for him until after he's already ruined it.

I love this so much that I'm just nodding my head to everything you said. Hey, you dropped this crown, your majesty 👑 I love how you looked into how Sugimoto and Asirpa grew throughout the series, especially in the Karafuto Arc for the latter. And how despite Asirpa dipping her toes into the moral dark, she has an anchor in Sugimoto. She's not like pure Yuusaku, but she's not also as dark as Ogata: she now exists in a lighter moral grey.

"He's still alone. He never quite figures out what's good for him until after he's already ruined it." I love love LOVE this one. Because you're right: Ogata damns himself in pits of the darkness of his own volition. He curses himself never to escape its traps by killing (or attempting to kill) those that try to pierce through his gloomy veil.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this, anon. I loved every moment of reading and analyzing Ogata more <3

[ricomola]

Giveaway winner 2/3: Fem Sugimoto🤠 & Fem Shiraishi🤡! It's also for every time someone requested fem Shiraish xD

Sidenotes: -I like the idea of meiji Shiraishi pretending to be a teenage boy when she's downtown because she wants to drink, gamble and visit brothels to grab other women's boobies. And still, she uses the "We're all girls" argument to see/touch Sugimoto's 😅. Equally burikko behaviour as her masc version. -When I first designed Modern Sugimoto's hair I didn't know that her hairstyle is actually called a "wolfcut" so that's perfect xD Meiji Sugimoto's hair is just a longer version of the live-action actor's and tied on a low ponytail.

[hyper-girlcrush]

a visit home.

[dantelionwishes]

talk about gap moe......

bonus:

[madeleine-line]

Leaving lipstick kisses on their face | GK x Reader

Warnings: short drabble, characters are Sugimoto, Ogata, Usami, GN/ambiguous reader, nothing but pure fluff, maybe a little ooc haven’t written in awhile,,,

Just a little idea I had,,, trying to get back into writing some more so I can FINALLY get to all the overdue requests in my inbox lol. Sorry it’s not much, might come back to this and write for more characters at a later date, but for now I am going to take a nap loll

When Sugimoto feels your lips make contact with his cheek he laughs softly and leans into it a bit. He sighs contently as you pull away, his hand moving to feel over the small stain you’ve left. As he goes to say something you quickly shut him up by pressing another kiss to the corner of his mouth, and then another to his nose, and a few more to his cheeks. He laughs a bit harder at your antics, he places his hand over your mouth and gently pushes your face away. “C’mon, stop fooling around, I’m trying to focus here…” he scolds half heartedly. He uses his sleeves to wipe away most of the lipstick stains, it’s not until much later when Asirpa points it out to him that he realizes he missed a few spots…

Ogata lets out a huff of frustration when he feels your chest press against his back and your arms wrap around his shoulders. Despite seeming annoyed he does nothing to weasel out of your grasp, only placing a hand on your forearm. “What is it now? can’t you see I’m busy?” You only giggle as you press your lips to his forehead, making a quiet ‘mwah’ sound. He sighs a bit louder and pulls his face away from you. But it’s no use, you’re relentless as you pepper feather light kisses across his cheeks. He tolerates it for a few seconds before finally breaking away from you, pushing you off him completely. “What’s gotten into you…” he grumbles. Later as he’s reminiscing on the moment he realizes that you left quite a few stains across his face. He’s a little annoyed as he carefully wipes off all the marks, but there’s a small warm feeling in his chest.

Usami smiles wide when you pull him into a hug and quickly wraps his arms around you, clingy as ever. “Oh? Did you miss me?” He smiles into your lips as you press a small peck to his lips. He reaches up to try and wipe your smudged lipstick, only for you to push his hand away and continue pressing kiss after kiss all over his face. He laughs as he soaks in your affections, enjoying every time time your lips meet his skin. He whines softly as you try and pull away, his grip on you tightening. “Hey, where are you going? I’m not done with you yet!”

[jojobaimagines]

Man, it's been a long time! There are ads on here now? Jesus. I've come back briefly because a really kind person has bought me a kofi :) I cannot thank you enough <3 It will go directly to my kitty's treatment! Well, you said you wanted anything Ogata related, so i'll write some headcanons of...

·Ogata as your bodyguard:

---------------------------

-Honestly, why did he accept this job? Was it monetary reasons, was it an obligation? The most probable answer is that it's for his own benefit, for one reason or another.

-He doesn't really care about you. On the beginning. He makes it clear that he keeps you alive only for the sake of a succesful mission.

-Ogata will be kind of rough handling you on dangerous situations. Or, well, in situations in general. Anything from pushing you to avoid you getting shot, tug you out of someone's way, letting you fall down and trip as long as he knows you won't get badly hurt... He gives you a shit-eating smile when he sees you on the ground after you tripped on some branches...

-Oh, but he is the only person that will be able to handle you that way. Or any way. He is incredibly overprotecting (oddly enough for you) and won't let anyone even lay a finger on you. If you are ever with the group and sees, say, Shiraishi put his arm around your shoulder, he will harshly grip his wrist, twist it, give him a death stare and sternly warn: 'Do not touch them.'

-He will grow attached to you due time. In his own, traumatized ways. He denies it though.

-No matter your size, he will have no issue in picking you up and carry you if you are being stubborn or annoying and you need to go somewhere else. 'Such a pain..'

-'I'm a delivery boy.' 'YOU WOULDN'T DARE-'

-He is really manipulative on his ways of reminding you how weak and fragile you are. You need his protection, after all. What would you do without him? Die, most likely. You need him.

-Ogata will have no issue in killing for you. Actually- ask him to kill for you. Make him kill for you. He will, of course, assure you he only does it in order to keep you safe. He would skip the part of the thrilling sensation of his commintment towards you being so strong that he gets chills in knowing he is taking a life for your sake.

-He will constantly have his eyes on you. Maybe you don't see him. But he sees you.

--------------------------

Phew! I'm quite rusty, it's been a while since i've written anything! I hope these headcanons are of your liking, kind kofi donator <3 I'm glad you like my Ogata content! And to anyone reading this, have a great day :)

-Lettuce

[bowietiee]

my instant noodles made me think a little today

[trickstermelon]

Body type headcanonsss

Tanigaki are you free tonight

[mannesalado]

TsukiKoi, I like mb100 and gk so I'm gonna be posting both kind of things

[tsurumiau]

GOLDEN KAMUY x MARIO KART 8 DELUXE

a silly little post about what racer they'd choose if they played mario kart 8 deluxe (+ some headcanons)

SUGIMOTO

he'd 100% choose baby luigi . he thinks luigi is MUCH cooler than mario and he chose him as a baby because he thinks he'll go faster if tiny. he also always chooses the jet bike as the vehicle (what can i say it just looks like it goes very fast)

SHIRAISHI

HE WOULD ABSOLUTELY CHOOSE ROY . i mean look at his sunglasses he's clearly the coolest. shiraishi always gets the WORST items and when he finally gets a mushroom he ends up crashing against a wall or falling off the map

ASIRPA

king boo . she LOVES choosing king boo and screaming BOOOOOO SUGIMOTO IM GONNA EAT YOU when she's behind him (she really does it with everyone but sugimoto is the one who gets scared the most because he genuinely thinks king boo can eat other racers). she just loves feeling like a menace and hitting other racers all the time

OGATA

WHAT CAN I SAY they have the same black void eyes and i think ogata relates to him in a very deep way. ogata SUCKS at drifting but he throws bananas, bombs and green shells like a pro (doesn't matter if the other racer is behind or ahead of him)

TANIGAKI

tanooki mario because inkarmat told him tanooki mario reminds her of him. he always ends up being the last one because he absolutely SUCKS at mario kart

INKARMAT

100000% CAT PEACH . she's matching with tanigaki. she always drives extremely well and therefore ends up being one of the last ones with tanigaki (but theyre in the bottom 3 together)

KOITO

BABY PEACH . he thinks peach is an absolute GIRLBOSS and like sugimoto he thinks she'll go faster as a baby. he can NEVER win against ogata because ogata somehow always has shells or bananas or bombs and throws most of them at koito no matter if he's behind or ahead of ogata

TSUKISHIMA

toad . he didn't really know who to choose but koito INSISTED toad reminded him of toad and he thought choosing toad would be better than choosing the random option. he does NOT know what he's doing and tries to avoid the item boxes because he thinks they're obstacles for some reason. he sometimes ends up going THE OPPOSITE way but still manages to be in 11th place (just because tanigaki is worse)

TSURUMI

this man has his own mii (i made a mii just for him btw) . hes the kinda guy that has studied every object in the game and know how they all work and how to use them to win ... not a menace because hes a violent racer but because he just knows how to play

USHIYAMA

HE'S DEFINITELY DAISY . my man ushiyama chooses the prettiest girl and THAT'S DAISY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think he's a pretty average mario kart player but sometimes he stops the vehicle because he accidentally pushes the backwards button (his fingers are too big, he thinks someone threw him a mysterious item that somehow stops the vehicle and he doesn't even notice he's the one doing it)

HIJIKATA

he thinks THE GAME gave him the character and he can't change it (he seriously believes he's stuck with mario but no one tells him because they all think he chose mario himself). despite that he's surprisingly good, not because he's a good racer but because he always gets triple red shells and annoys everyone with them

NIKAIDOU

his brother played wario (he will bite ANYONE who tries to pick wario) . he screams WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH in every jump or gliding part. he goes feral when he gets a superstar and starts hitting all the people he can

KIRORANKE

YOSHI !!!!!!!!!!! ironically he SUCKS at throwing bombs and ends up hitting himself with them (he HATES when they're playing battle mode and it's Bob-omb Blast time). he's VERY bad at first but gets better after playing a few times if you ignore him hitting himself with his own items

WILK

DRY BONES . hes a silly guy and picks the silliest guy !!!! a pretty average player methinks ... definitely laughs at every single person that gets hit with a shell but gets mad when hes the one that gets hit

[every-ogata]

Since we're finally on his chapter, what do you think about Ogata and what he did to his family? You have a lot of thoughts about him so I'm curious what you think about this?

Oh boy. So I could be funny and make a joke about how we all think about killing our parents and brother and building a complex about it, but I kind of don't want to make light of this? I think what he did is deserving of both disgust and pity.

Ogata is a terrible person. There's no pretending otherwise. He has done some really atrocious things in order to get what he wants. Ultimately, the things he wants all circle back to childhood trauma. All he wants is attention, and proof that he is worth something despite the circumstances of his birth. All I can think about is in the final volume where we get to see the Tome and Hyakunosuke moment and he reaches out for her, wanting her to pay attention to him. It's almost like he's never progressed past who he was as a kid and it's sad.

I could genuinely write a whole dissertation on him, but all I can say is he's an extremely tragic character and I wish things had been better for him. A lot of things could have been avoided if Koujirou Hanazawa hadn't been such a piece of shit.

[here-lies-golden-kamuy]

The Case of Ogata Hyakunosuke and Love

I’ve been rewatching GK for the past few days and I can’t help but think of Ogata, so for my first post, I’ll be listing my thoughts and headcanons on Ogata and love in general. 

MAJOR manga spoilers and a lot of thoughts under the cut! 

[Part 2]

Okay to start off…in canon, Ogata doesn’t believe in the word (and perhaps the concept) of “love” — in his words love is “as vague and uncertain an existence as the gods” (chapter 103, page 11). But I argue that while he doesn’t consciously believe it, he still seeks for it. 

It’s canon that Ogata (through aconite poisoning in chapter 310) later realizes that maybe he wasn’t born “defective” or “lacking” (chapter 310, 103), which means that he canonically does feel emotions and has desires that he thought he didn’t (the cognitive dissonance for this boy…no wonder he uh reacted that way in the end). One of these emotions and desires is love in itself. 

One of these days, I’ll probably talk about how Ogata’s experience of childhood neglect paved the way for his extreme disassociation with deeper and more complex emotions. But for now, I argue that Ogata can and has loved before, though very limited. In fact, here are who I think are the only three people he ever loved in his life: his mom (and by extension his grandparents), Yuusaku, and Asirpa. 

Yes, I hc that he loved both Yuusaku and Asirpa (I think his love for his mom is pretty obvious, though a little messed up…very Ogatacore if you ask me) in his own…. complicated way. But I think he loved them for one major reason — they loved and cared for him back. 

Which brings me to my major argument: Ogata craves love because of his less-than-savory upbringing but (1) doesn’t exactly realize that he does in the first place, and (2) does not exactly recognize nor react well when he is loved. This may arise from the fact that Ogata sees love as something that is obligatorily passed on from one source to another, rather than something that may evolve given time, effort, and patience. I personally think Ogata is attracted (not inherently romantic) to people who love and care for him first. 

It’ll be too long if I write all the points of the argument, so for this portion, I’ll just focus on the first point. 

First point: Ogata craves love, but he’s (for lack of a better term) shit at recognizing, receiving, and giving love. There’s no doubt that he craves for love — we’re privy to flashbacks of him wanting his mom to “look” at him as a child (chapter 304, page 6). He unconsciously wants to experience the things that a person would when given healthy love: validation, acceptance, protection, etc. And that desire is completely normal and valid! 

And yet, a big part of why he’s bad at love is that he wasn’t modeled a good and healthy concept of love. Like all children, Ogata’s first model of love was his parent. His mom was love incarnate for him. But love for him was a woman losing her grip on her own self-concept and reality because of longing and “love”. Love for him was being overlooked by someone else. So, because of this horrible representation of love, he learns to detest (but also become subconsciously obsessed with) love. 

And it’s very interesting for him to come into this “insight” that love is mainly something shared by parents and passed on to a child. His first encounter of love was a woman who didn’t see him (random note: I hc that for Ogata to feel loved, he first needs to be “seen” for who he is) for who he is, eyes steadfast on the man who left her. His first model of love was unequal and unfair: this imbalance caused him to think he wasn’t “given” the ability to love when he was born. 

Right now, I’m wondering why Ogata felt guilty for killing Yuusaku but not his mom, when they’re both beloved by him. I argue it’s because Ogata killed his mom out of love (yes, in a fucked-up way). He killed her so that the person she loves will finally come to her. In a very child-like manner, it’s quite…. “selfless” and “innocent” of Ogata to think of his mom’s love (his father) first and think of himself and her supposed love for him second (chapter 103, page 09). 

When Hanazawa senior challenges him that Ogata “felt disgusted” in seeing his mother’s “pitiful, deranged state” (chapter 103, page 11), I argue that Ogata still defends his mom when he replies that “children can’t choose their parents”. He didn’t choose a mom that had an apparent mental health problem. He didn’t choose to have his mom, but she was his mom and he loved her. He still craved her love. 

[ricomola]

I often imagine masc Vasily having a couple more years of experience with the rifle than fem Vasily. Her family probably made her do household chores for years.

[beefs-art-blog]

Small Sugimoto doodle 💖

[every-koito]

[madeleine-line]

Thinking about Ogata, hopelessly in love…

He’s so used to feeling nothing at all, it hits him hard and he has no idea how to handle it, how to explain it or understand it- but even though he doesn’t get it he knows it’s your fault.

He’ll be a bit more defensive around you, a bit snippier than he is with the others but he’s always hovering, walking so close behind you he might step on your heel. He watches you sleep, memorized by every detail on your face.

Grabbing your arms and holding you closer to his chest when walking through crowds.

“I don’t trust you not to get lost, stick with me.”

Whenever he hits a particularly good shot, he’ll pull you aside, wanting you to take a look at it. Showing off in his own, awkward and weird way.

Don’t you dare bring it up though, he’ll act like you’re the crazy one for even suspecting there is something more.